#i find this so funny why are you harrassing me as if I owe you the next chapter

[le-panda-chocovore]

Wattpad c'est vraiment un autre monde mdrrrr comment ca une lectrice me dit que c'est de l'irrespect pour mes fans de ne pas continuer la fanfic que j'ai commencé quand j'avais 15 ANS ????? J'en peux plus son message est tellement outrageant j'ai eu mal au ventre à force de rire, this can't be real 😂😂😂

It's been TWO YEARS move on omg

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Reasons Doug’s Pretty Great

It’s hard to believe that it’s been nine years since the first episode of S1 was released. I can still remember be a wee little lass first discovering it on youtube and becoming obsessed. At the time, I had no where to play it myself, so I watched as many playthroughs as I could until my family got an xbox. 

While the first episode in this series has a lot of memorable moments, the one that always stands out in people’s memories is the moment where you’re trying to escape the drugstore as walkers pound away at the door and windows, and you realize that both Carley and Doug need your help or they’re going to die. 

But... you can only save one, and whoever you don’t help, they end up being eaten alive by walkers and you get to feel bad about it for the rest of the episode. 

I bring this up because it’s interesting to look back nine years ago and see that... well, not a lot of people saved Doug. Which is crazy, because now the stats are pretty 50/50 with Doug even having a bit of an edge over Carley. That definitely wasn’t the case back then because the stats were more along the line of 20/80.

Why? Well, the writer’s didn’t exactly do the best job of showing how great Doug is in ep1, especially compared to Carley who has more interactions with Lee and more screen time.... which is even funnier because they did actually think they did a good job and were surprised by the results after the episode’s release.

Even back then they had a habit of making imbalanced routes then denying the imbalance... something they never grew out of. 

I guess they were a little butthurt about it since Doug is a favorite among the team given that he’s actually based on a real person, Doug Tabacco, an IT guy they worked with. This got to the point where Telltale never missed an opportunity to tell everyone to #SaveDoug over Carley.

I also love that they use the Stranger to guilt trip everyone who saved Carley by having him be like, “Doug was in a worse position! >:( You only saved Carley because she was a pretty girl!!” just.... real subtle, guys haha

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that more often than not, I choose to save Carley over Doug for many reasons, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate Doug and enjoy having him around in the off chance I do save him. So I thought it’d be fun to talk about Doug as a character and why he was pretty great as a little tribute, y’know? 

5. Doug’s a pretty funny dude

Now, I wouldn’t exactly call twdg a comedy, y’know? It gets dark, then manages to get even darker at times, but if the game was nothing but doom and gloom, it’d get boring and become unenjoyable. 

While other characters do get a laugh out of me from time to time, I enjoy the humor that Doug brings to the group, even if it’s not intentional and just the way he is. 

Even from the beginning, Doug had me chuckling with the fact that this nerdy dude didn’t want to bring profanity to Lee’s ears when talking about Larry, so he’s just like “ He's kind of a dick... pardon my french,” like Doug.... it’s okay, you can call him an asshole, no one will judge hahaha.

Then there’s the biscuit scene that I think we all know and love. Helps break the tension of meeting these weirdo’s who own a dairy and are totally not suspicious or anything. 

But it’s not even just that Doug is funny, he’s also a character that gets you to crack a smile when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about, or when he’s proud of the alarm he rigged up, or when he’s being adorably awkward. 

One of my favorites is in ep3 when Lee goes to ask Doug if he has any chalk, and he goes into this spiel about charcoal-- “You know, a piece of charcoal is a suitable alternative, depending on your marking surface. Since we're on the subject, did you know that while chalk is traditionally known to be calcium carbonate, what's often used in classrooms is actually made of gypsum, thanks to favorable domestic mining conditions?”

And Lee’s response is just-- “Doug, I did not know that.”

“Happy to be of service.”

It’s just really funny... and it makes you feel better after all the implications about Doug’s mental health in the episode... like you gave him a moment to flex his knowledge and get excited about it. 

But yeah, what can I say? Doug makes me laugh and he brings a bit of light to the groups constant shitshow. 

4. Doug saved the group’s ass at the St John farm

And he did so with a laser pointer. 

I always hate it when Doug/Carley leave the group at the St Johns and remain absent for most of the episode, though I chalk that up to the writers trying to make the different routes easier on themselves, y’know? 

But, at least they come back to save the day. 

In Doug’s case, he’s not comfortable with guns like Carley is, so he’s gotta get creative when it comes to getting Lee’s attention and stopping Andy from hurting Duck and Lee. 

That’s where his fancy little laser pointer comes in. 

We first see him with it during the walk to the farm, but then see it in action after Lee escapes the barn and is nearly blinded by the light. Doug claims he was doing morse code before Lee tells him and Ben that these assholes cut off Mark’s legs and tried to feed them to the group. 

Now, here’s the thing... If Doug and Ben had done what they were told and stayed at the motor inn over night, things probably wouldn’t have turned out so good for the group. Doug is the one who shines the laser pointer in Andy’s eyes when he’s got ahold of Duck, giving Lee the advantage of attack. Without that, if Lee tried anything, he would’ve ended up like dingdong Kenny with a bullet in his side. 

Also there’s just a lot of bravery from Doug, y’know? Like as soon as he finds Lee and knows the situation, the first thing he asks is what can they do to help, and he sticks around to do what he can.... even if it is just to point a laser in someone’s eye. 

No one gives Doug enough credit for savin’ the day, y’know? And if you have any doubt, even Lee says, “I never thought a laser pointer would be the thing that saved our lives.”

3. Doug’s friendship with Lee

Speaking of Lee, his friendship with Doug is underrated. The two have chemistry and work off each other well in the scene’s they’re in. While it’s not as strong as Carley’s in ep1, saving Doug and having around in ep2 & ep3 lets you see it at it’s best, y’know? 

After Lee saves his life at the drugstore, Doug is shown to mourn Carley and asks Lee why he would pick him, lamenting that he wished he had picked her over him and you can tell that Doug feels that he owes Lee a lot for saving him. Hell, he even says as much when Lee tries to give him food in ep2-- “Why don't you keep my share today. I know I said it didn't matter why you saved me and not Carley, but... I owe you a lot more than half a day's rations."

Also, I love this one line from Kenny when you’re on bad terms with him and they’re talking about going separate ways where he’s basically like “We all know Doug’s gonna stay with you because you saved him that ONE time >:(” and on top of it being such a bitchy Kenny line, it also shows that every can see that Doug is a loyal friend to Lee and would want to stick with him where ever he decides to go. 

One thing that I think people tend to overlook, though, is how concerned Lee is with Doug’s mental health in ep3. There are implications that Doug might be suffering with depression due to the situation of the walkers, bandits harrassing and threatening them, and believing that he isn’t useful to the group, stating that he feel pretty worthless. Lee asks Clementine if he seems sad, and hell, he even talks to Lilly about it.

In fact, speaking of Clementine, Doug is real sweet with her, too. Of course, he gives her those batteries for her walkie, but he also asks about how she’s doing as they’re leaving the dairy. Hell, 8 years later, Clementine still remembers him by name and how sweet he was when fucking dingdong Lilly can’t remember his damn name. That says a lot. 

Y’all know how important Clementine is to Lee, so he wouldn’t have grown as close to Doug if he wasn’t a genuinely good person who treated Clementine with kindess. 

I dunno, there’s a lot of trust and care between the two and it’s a relationship that I truly love. I just wish we could’ve seen a bit more of it but y’know...#2 happened. 

2. Doug saved Ben’s life

Yeah, I think we all saw this coming...

Look, doesn’t matter what you think about Ben, okay? Not what we’re talkin’ about. We’re talkin’ about Doug saving Ben’s life, which unfortunately meant ending his own.

Still haven’t forgiven Lilly for this one. Though I’ve always found the difference between Doug and Carley’s death’s interesting. With Carley, Lilly intentionally kills her after Carley tells her off. But with Doug, Lilly was aiming for Ben and even when Doug pulled him out of the way, she still fired the gun... even though she didn’t have a clear shot and ended up hitting Doug. 

Then she tries to play it off like it was an accident which, yeah I guess it was but that doesn’t change that you were intending to murder this 6ft tall child. 

It’s just... I dunno, man, it’s sad. I always feel more sorrow for Doug’s death, but more anger for Carley’s? Even though both make me angry, it’s just different characters, different things that led to their deaths, different feelings. This is the first real “Fuck you, Lilly” moment for me and she can spend the next 8 years wandering around for all I can. 

Doug didn’t deserve this shit. 

But, the reason I put this at #2 because it really says a lot about Doug as a character. The second he saw Lilly aim that gun, he yanked Ben out of the way. He could’ve gone into shock, he could’ve just yelled “no!”, or he could’ve gone at Lilly instead.... but no, his first instinct was to grab Ben and move himself in front and it really fucking sucks that that’s what killed him. 

And y’know this isn’t the first time Doug has put himself in danger to save someone. I already talked about him saving everyone at the dairy, but can we not forget how he and Carley met? She was gonna get eaten by walkers then our big hero Doug came in and saved her?? Didn’t know her or anything, just saw her and her crew getting attacked and did what he could to save any survivors?? 

Like... no one talks about that because it’s so played off and never brought up again and I need everyone to remember this, okay? 

Doug selflessly putting himself in danger to help those around him? Fantastic. Beautiful. Love that.

1. Look, Doug himself is just #1. His personality, intelligence, everything.

Wow, Doug’s personality being the #1 reason he’s so great? Who woulda thought?

Well, ME woulda thought because obviously.

Listen... in case you haven’t gather this from the previous four entries, Doug is an intelligent, awkward, caring, selfless, funny, and brave man, okay? He’s likable, he tries his damnedest to pull his weight for the group, he shows actual loyalty and kindness unlike some people, and when he tends to avoid the constant Lilly and Kenny conflicts, he does his best to step in when things take a serious turn, hence the Ben situation. 

No to mention the dude is smart. 

I mean, he really took a random remote and was like, “Oh it’s universal, let me just program it to work on ALL the random TV’s across the street as a way to distract these walkers!” like dude.... you just know how to do that, huh? 

Or his fun little bell trap that alerts the groups of strangers and walkers? Oh, and remember when he fixed the RV by hitting it with a fucking hammer and was like “It works now, drive!” 

And have I mentioned that he bested Andy St John with a goddamn laser pointer?? 

Oh, also wanna add that I really like his voice acting, as well. He’s voiced by Sam Joan, who does a good job at selling Doug’s soft-spoken but intelligent nature, and knows how to pull off “dorky” when needed... and I mean that in a good way, when he’s talking about charcoal Doug is being a dork and I love him.

I mean... what else is there to say?

All that’s left to do is pull a Telltale and--

#SaveDoug

---

Honorable Mentions

-Doug is a pie guy, going off of that time he named all the different kinds of pie he could thing of and I feel that.  -He’s a very fashionable person. I want that weird polar bear deer thing shirt he wears in ep1.  -also, you can’t go wrong with socks and sandals, my dude.  -He had a crush on Carley and honestly, I feel that, too. 

---

There it is, there’s my whole thing about Doug. What are your thoughts? When it comes to that choice in ep1 of s1, do you save Doug or do you save Carley? Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices for this list? Or have anything to add? I’m always down to chat.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

—

Next week’s T5F

[stardustedknuckles]

Can I ask what the problem with Jaws is? I saw you mentioned it in the tags of the ask about antis and was curious. Granted I haven't seen the movie so I don't know much about it.

Oh there's nothing wrong with Jaws itself in this context. I've been on the internet long enough that like. you see a lot of the same arguments come through over and over, right. The Jaws argument was actually what kept me on the side of antis for a while. They point to it as an example of the way fiction affects reality as a biiiig gotcha. "You can't say fiction doesn't affect reality when shark deaths went up after Jaws!"

Me, 22 and still growing (nice way to say dumb as shit): ah yes this makes sense, it is good to take responsibility for what we write and some things should not be published or condoned.

....like I said, it makes its own sense in a vacuum but completely ignores nuance. Which is kinda a hallmark of antis. There is no nuance. Stuff is good or it's bad and if you like something they consider bad then you're bad.

It's kind of funny how wide that net is though - it's not like antis agree with each other. I made a post a few days ago about the person with the huge DNI (do not interact) list that was like "don't follow if you support bestiality (and yes that includes catradora)" and like. the funniest part was scrolling for three seconds and finding all the posts about how much they love venom.

That's what happens when you judge people's works based on your own morality and assume that set of rules you follow is universal. It would be hilarious except it's become such a big thing that conservatives are pointing to this sort of thing as evidence the internet should be censored/family friendly. FOSTA/SESTA killed tumblr as we knew it and that criminalizing of explicit material is what got us here. The thing is that every anti believes they are the final arbiter of what is and isn't ideologically pure in fiction and on some big things they agree - whoever writes or draws anything to harm a kid should be doxxed and harrassed to the point of serious harm or worse because to them it's the same thing as actually endorsing harm to a real child.

The art didn't hurt anyone. But the antis sure did.

Anyway off topic a bit, but that's why I brought up Jaws. It was a big argument for their side for a long time, a counter to the completely true and normal assertion that fiction and reality are separate. They'd point to Jaws immediately, or horror movies that demonize mental illness etc. The harm those projects do to the public consciousness is not on the work itself - though it is disheartening when people given great reach use it to punch down - but on the fact that it reinforces or creates a bias and exploits it for its own story and people do not bother to check what message they may have received from the work. It isn't a writer's job to babysit the morality or critical thinking ability of their reader base, and as shitty as the tropes can be from bigger projects like films that reach millions, they exist to make money. Sensationalism sells. Any business based in profit over all is corrupt and they prey on the fact that people will uncritically accept what they see, but at the end of the day that is still not the same thing as the fiction itself affecting reality, especially as directly as antis claim. Jaws didn't cause a rise in shark killings. People's biases and fears did. Spielberg didn't owe the world a nuanced take on sharks. He wanted to make a scary thing about sharks. Neither he nor anyone else can control the messages someone takes from what they consume.

If you try to anticipate what everyone's reactions could be to something you make, you will create nothing of any substance or interest. Literally anything and everything is problematic in some way. It's up to you to learn how to examine the messages you're being given and consider how they could affect your thinking.

Unfortunately antis would rather just never have to use their brains at all for anything but taking the moral high ground to beat a creator with a stick. Especially a small creator they can reach directly where they will never be heard by bigger companies. That's why it's such an issue in fic/fanart and indie spaces. They get more interaction/results.

Nothing wrong with Jaws. Just an old and tired argument.

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol.15

You think you know someone, and then it turns out you really, really don't. At least, you know a very small portion of that person.

In a pretty hefty chunk of this book, we get a massive flashback into Yuki's childhood. As expected, it wasn't that great. What I didn't expect is how bad it was. It was,,, honestly a lot.

So, because he is the Rat Boy, and because I guess the rat is the closest to God in this whole situation, Yuki ended up being around Akito for most of his childhood. It wasn't ever really anything he wanted to do, it was just something he had to do. And from the short glimpse we get of Akito as a little kid, it seems like he didn't use to be anywhere near as bad as he is in the present (which makes sense). He seemed to have a short temper, but other than that, there wasn't anything unusual. Until one random day, that is. Akito kinda flipped his shit, and has been that way since. How nice.

As a result of always being close to Akito, no one else really wanted to be around Yuki. And after Akito cracked a bit, and started saying that Yuki wasn't wanted, that he was unnecessary, and that no one liked him, Yuki didn't much like being around Akito, but he didn't have any choice. Some time around then, Yuki's parents seem to have kinda sold Yuki to appease Akito, so he didn't even have his family to fall back on. Ayame, his older brother, ignored his existence as a whole. Have we even met Yuki's father in this entire series?

So when Yuki first heard of Kyo, how he was left outside, Yuki was pretty curious. He was alone, and so was this mysterious cat person. Maybe they could be friends? But, of course, the second that Kyo saw Yuki, he blamed Yuki for basically everything that went wrong in his life, just because Yuki was the rat, and he was the cat. Before this point, the whole Juunishi thing doesn't really seem to affect Yuki much, he doesn't seem to categorize people based on what animal spirit they have, but I imagine that after this incident, maybe that changed. After that initial interaction with Kyo, Yuki didn't immediately hate him, he was just sad and confused, but moving on, I bet it was excellent fuel to the fire.

(Oh hey I'll just put this here, that after Kyo yelled at him for "ruining everything" and that everyone would be happier if he just disappeared, he ran into his mom again. He was upset, and probably could've used some nice comfort. Instead of that, he got slapped in the face. So. -1 for Yuki's mom.)

Do you remember way back, probably around the first books, when Yuki brought up that time that he accidently turned into a rat while playing with some kids in elementary school? It went over that. It was already a sad scene, but now there's this additional context that when he was playing around with the other kids, that was basically one of the first times that he was truly happy. But after he changed into a rat, well obviously that had to be covered up, so all those kids that he was starting to make friends with were made to completely forget about him. He wasn't back to square one, he was at square zero, because now he had had a taste of friendship, just for it to be taken away and replaced with Akito (and probably other people) shaming him for having the audacity of being born as a Juunishi, because he totally chose to be like that, right?

Another slight detour, the hat. So the hat was originally Kyo's, but after he saw Yuki holding it, he just decided that it wasn't his anymore. And, oh my fucking god? The following panels are fucking heart wrenching, it's terrible. Did no one hear Yuki crying, or did they just ignore it? Like, I don't like kids, I can't handle them when they're screaming (why do they scream so much it's weird) or crying, but oh my god, that hurts me. That panel hurts me. He just wants a family that loves and cares for him, that doesn't avoid or ignore him. (Put a pin in this sentiment, because it pops up later.)

After a steady diet of this kinda thing, with Akito's acidic words, people's general distaste or indifference for him, he started being scared to reach out to others. (Personally, I kinda feel like screaming at these people, like wtf is wrong with all of them) It's here when he just seems to kinda shut off. All this time, he's still sickly, and feeling like your life is without worth (and having your world confirm it everyday) doesn't exactly make you fight to stay healthy, y'know?

And here's when Yuki kinda is given a purpose, because after Akito visited him when his cough was acting up, and basically asked him, "Are you going to die yet? If you're gonna do it, just do it already", he left the house, and ran out randomly out in town in the early morning, where he overheard Kyoko screaming to the police about how her adorable little daughter in her adorable little dress with her cute hair in adorable little pom-poms was missing and she was going to tear down the town to find her. He kept running down some roads, until he did actually find that adorable little daughter.

On his end, it seemed to be a series of "Well shit. What now?" after finding her, and only continued as Tohru saw him and started following after him until he led her back to her house. This whole thing, as has been explained in previous books, was basically the first time in his life where someone needed him, specifically him, to help them. And that feeling, of knowing that he was able to help someone, and that he was needed, even for a little bit, was enough to pull him through.

Then we're pulled back to present, shortly after Machi broke open the closet door with a chair where Yuki was stuck in, which was the main thing that even started this whole thing, where he's explaining kind of why he came to see and/or love Tohru in maternal way. Thing is, just like when that was revealed, I still don't blame him for it. She's very caring. I'll admit (like Kakeru, who has kinda been there sitting with Yuki this whole time, apparently in silence) that I don't wholly understand it, on a personal level, but I can see why he thinks that. It makes sense.

Now onto to wacky happenings and zany shenanigans! The school is making a play, and Kyo's one of the main characters (despite never really showing that he has literally any interest in acting or theater, but yaknow whatever) in a Cinderella play, with Cinderella herself being played as Hanajima! This has already been brought up in the last book, but I'm just reiterating for fun or something idk

Tohru's having a hard time fitting into the role of an evil stepsister, to the point that she's worried about slowing others down because she just,,, can't,,, make,, herself,,,,, be,, meannnnn omigod it's so hard ;-; Additionally, Kyo's just not showing up for rehearsals and stuff, he's not even bothering. Probably bc it's embarrassing for him. And with these two main problems (the show can't go on if Prince Charming doesn't know his lines, after all), the play is altered, ever so slightly, so that it becomes "Sorta Cinderella". What a marvelous title.

Let's go back to that pin I mentioned earlier, with Yuki wishing he could have had a family that loved and cared for him.

So, before some of this stuff with the play, Yuki brought up The Hat, of the "It was first owned by Kyo but he later abandoned it after seeing that Yuki picked it up, and later wore that hat when he led Tohru back to her mom" fame, in a very off-handed manner. I think he just said that Tohru still has the hat, in her room, that's she's kept it all this time. This throws some unpleasant memories for Kyo into the air, and leaves him rather bitter.

Leading back to the main scene at hand, Kyo kinda goes off on Yuki, saying that Yuki was lucky: he had a mom and dad, he was needed, he was involved in the family matters. He's had it easy, had the world handed to him on a silver platter, and that he'll never understand what it's like to hope for something despite knowing he'll never get it. (and both times i've read that so far, i just want to yoink kyo into the beginning of this book, like, no dude. your childhood was fucked up, but so was his.) He stops mid-rant, however, when he sees that Yuki is not fighting back, at all, and when he remembers something that (probably) Akito said, that Kyo just uses Yuki as something he can hate. Naturally, why would you ever want to feed into something that Akito would say, so he stops, but not before punching a hole in a window. Ow.

Finally, we've gotten to the play, the main event! Hiro, Kisa, Momiji, and Haru (among others) are there to witness the,, the sight? (Idk man it's 12:30am) Hiro is acting strangled, as per usual, trying to keep Kisa away from all the creeps, but also trying his small-child most to not Mess Things Up, as he has a slight history of doing throughout the series thus far.

The play in of itself is pretty funny, personally I think the narrator was doing the heavy lifting in this one. But more importantly, there's a point where "Cinderella" asks "Prince Charming" if all he ever wants out of life is to hide away from people, locked away in his own space, dying alone, (which I heavily doubt was part of the script, because,, whoa) and partway through telling her that he wouldn't affect anyone if he did do that, the "Stepsister" (Tohru) interrupts him, saying that would make her... she stops herself, but one can assume that the end of that statement would likely be that, if "Prince Charming" (psh nah this isn't about the play anymore) Kyo were to do that, she would get very upset, and generally not have a good time. And he had the audacity to be surprised about that like wtf man.

After the play, Yuki runs into a group of girls that are harrassing Machi, because she said that Yuki isn't like a prince. She didn't explain herself after saying it, and so I suppose the Yuki Fan Club (or whatever it's called idk I'd be surprised but also not if it wasn't called that) took offense to her disagreeing with her. After being pushed around (literally), Machi says that Yuki just seems too lonely of a person to be a prince, that despite being surrounded by people, he just kinda seems out of it most of the time. Now, is that true? It kinda seems so, so, props to Machi for seeing that, hopefully she's not going to be kidnapped and tortured (idk stuff happens). Hearing Machi say all that does kinda startle Yuki, but the fight itself stops after Kakeru makes a fake announcement about a photoshoot with Yuki that makes the bullies scatter away.

And that's basically the end of it. Although the flashback thing with Yuki probably didn't even take up a third of the book, it was still some pretty heavy stuff, so it's nice that it was offset slightly with the play. I don't really have much else to say about that.

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Final Review

So, uh, this is six months late. I’ve had half of this post in my drafts forever. To make it short, as I’ve mentioned previously, mom lost her job, which has not only been a heavy hit to my sense of stability for the last six months, but also means my time to watch anime was seriously reduced and even now a slight change of plans fucks up my whole schedule and sets me back for a full week. Anyway, nobody cares about any of these shows anymore so let’s get straight to it? I’m gonna ommit the two-cours that continued into the Summer - hopefully I’ll be able to make that post soonish? idk. Worst to best, same as usual

The crappy gender politics pit of shame

Darling in the FRANXX: I think everyone has ripped this show to threads at this point and there isn’t much I could add to that. It is quite funny to me to see how many people flipped out when the show went completely bananas in its last few episodes. Feels a bit like KADO, I’ve been telling y’all this was a ton of empty crap since episode 2, it just took the writing to completely self-destruct for everyone else to notice. A part of me feels tempted to do a long post breaking down just how badly the show collapsed in its final shebang, specifically how every single twist and turn completely nulled any remote kind of message or central thesis the show may have had, but at the same time it doesn’t seem worth the time. In the end, I may have given What is Internal Consistency, The anime way too much credit. It’s not hateful antigay propaganda, it’s just dumb as shits, with a writer and creators who didn’t think for half a second of the implications of what they were doing, and who were so incompetent they couldn’t even conserve the minimal plot and character coherency within a single episode, let alone 24. In other words, Darling isn’t saying “gays shouldn’t exist” but “I have no idea of anything regarding gay people”. What makes it egregious is that the show spent so much time acting like it was “meaningful” and “important” and yet it ended saying absolutely fucking nothing. Except mayb “have babies”. Down to oblivion you go, along with the likes of KADO, to the void of shows that couldn’t even be offensively bad and no one will remember a year from now. Bonus garbage points for the half-assed “bury your gays”.

Nil of Libra Admirari or whatever this show was called: I’m not trying to diss on the show, I just genuinely never remember the title because I have the JP and EN all mixed up. Not that it matters much, as far as I could tell, the show could call Shalabalabatuna and it would have the same significance in regard to the content. But the title isn’t important. In fact, it may be a bit unfair to have this show in this section. For the most part, Main Girl is very self-determined and has an active role in the story.... but then the last two episodes heavily featured a lot of rape threats or rape themes and forced pregnancy (real and threat) and I don’t really understand why they’d go there all of a sudden. One of them was treated relatively well, even empowering the victim in the process, but when the ikemen bad guy was rambling endlessly about how he wanted to impregnate the protagonist it really turned me off :/ I’m also not a fan of “main boy was her secret fiancé all along”, but at least they also handled that somewhat decently. It’s a very disposable series, but since I watched all of Amnesia, I think I owe every otoge adaptation at least the smallest chance to clear that very low bar, and Libra of Nil does it, more competently than most other stuff in the same genre.

Hisone to Masotan: I really, really wanted to love this show. Even now, as I put it in the pit of shame category, I’m pained. There was a good show in this, and a lot of it made it to the screen: an adorable, charming little story about a woman finding her place in the world, making new friends, finding her calling and bonding with an adorable dragon. Unfortunately, it got buried down under this opressing, horrendous gender politics that tried to do something with bringing attention to sexism in the military only to cancel it out making the one dude that embodied that sexism getting rewarded with the affections of a girl he explicitly tried to crush. It also called back on the virgin or whore fallacy and even managed to shove in a “bury your gays” trope. Even though Hisone challenges the ritual bullshit, it’s too little, too late, and she does end up carrying it out anyway, so the defiance to the status quo is of little importance in terms of problematizing the ritual itself. Sorry BONES, it wasn’t meant to be this time. 

The ni fu ni fa section

Ni fu ni fa is a Mexican colloquialism for “It was okay but it didn’t change my life.”

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu HAPPY KISS: This soft reboot of the franchise had some really great episodes and did an actually good job of developping its characters. For the most part, it achieved what its predecessor did in terms of satirical comedy and I enjoyed it quite a bit. However, what bunked it down so low in the list was the final episode. At some point, the writers forgot they were doing a parody and made the show somewhat self-serious, way closer in tone to the magical girl anime it was supposed to be making fun of, rather than the satire its predecessor was. Whereas S1 ended with the whole Magical boy stuff being revealed as a crappy space reality TV show, this one ended with a real cheesy conflict about happiness and family and blablabla. Which is not bad by itself if this were a Precure show, but that kind of self-serious plot development just didn’t work for this series. I still enjoyed it, and the fanservice episode is one of the best of the whole franchise, but I’m a bit sad the finale missed the mark so badly.

Hinamatsuri: Hinamatsuri was very hit-or-miss for me. There were some truly brilliant episodes, a lot of funny vignettes and heart-warming stories, and then there was some stuff that made me uncomfortable -like every single Hitomi story- or felt unnecessary and dry. It also threw me off that the superpower dynamic completely disappeared in the second half of the show, especially in Anzu’s part of the story. It was okay but I feel like I needed something that felt like a closing, and choosing to end it with Mao who featured very minimally in the show overall didn’t cut it. It’s a fun show, I’d reccommend people check it out, but it felt a bit too disjointed for me

Persona 5: The Animation: This is a hard show to place because I love the looks of it and I think the concept is interesting and pretty cool, but there is something that’s keeping me from connecting emotionally to the story. The part where changing the villains’ heart makes them repent from their sins and become “good” feels very artificial and very tasteless when you’re dealing with rapists and abusers. I ended dropping it at episode 16, I just couldn’t find the motivation to catch up with the 6 episodes i’d fallen behind on because my schedule is a tragedy

Tokyo Ghoul: Re: I guess it’s fair to say I’ve kind of outgrown Tokyo Ghoul. There’s something messy and confusing about how this season panned out, and there comes a point in which misery porn just doesn’t cut it anymore. I still watch because Ishida has a way to make every single goddamn character extremely sympathetic, which makes for an emotionally engaging viewing even when you’re not sure of what the plot is supposed to be or who you should be rooting for. I tried picking up the new season that just started airing and immediately found I had no idea of what was going on, who was on who’s side and in general, who the fuck were 90% of the characters, so I dropped it.

Nanatsu no Taizai: Imashime no Fukkatsu: I’ve mentioned it before, this second season had the opposite problem than the first one: the pace was too slow. It took more than half of it to get to Escanor, and then the season ends at a kind of random spot. I really thought we’d get further along on the story, since Gowther’s backstory was hinted at in the openings, but no such thing happened. They did manage to give us a variety of cool moments and fights, and I love Ban so his scenes with Zhivago and Elaine made me quite happy, though I really wish the romance between Elizabeth and Meliodas wasn’t su dubious and cringy. In light of some revelations that take place further along the manga, going out of their way to emphasize that Meliodas was a sort of mentor figure for Elizabeth when she was a toddler seems unncessary and just very squeamish. I do hope we get a third season though, and an OVA of the Vampires of whatever side story would be great too.

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori: I was pleasantly surprised by this show, and it’s closer to being one of my top of the season than it is to “meh”. It had some weaker, cheesier segments, but it also managed great whacky moments and a genuine soothing atmosphere. What surprised me most is that the vanilla looking cast of moderately handsome dudes managed to develop into interesting, funny individuals with a dynamic that made every episode enjoyable. A solid reccommendation for anyone wanting to see delicious looking food and moderately handsome dudes being ridiculous. Also, the cat episode is the best episode of anime ever produced.

The I’m probably the only person alive who enjoys these shows

Mahou Shoujo Ore: This is a difficult show to place because it wasn’t quite as great as I wanted it to be and its parodic nature took me by surprise, but somehow I was still seriously entertained more often than not. The twists in the final quarter and the absolutely bonkers finale was a total riot, but I definitely advise caution before going in, given that some of the jokes may seem insensitive or in poor taste in regards to gender presentation, sexuality and there are even some mild harrassment jokes that certainly made me roll my eyes.

Yowamushi Pedal: Glory Line: I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but I think through half of the show’s 25 episode run, I was convinced the title was actually Glory Road. It’s kind of anticlimactic that it’s called Glory Line if they don’t actually reach the final Goal btw. Anyway, I feel I say this a lot, but really, if you didn’t like the previous Yowapeda seasons, there’s nothing here for you, and if you did, you’re probably not gonna hop off this late in the game. This season does suffer from the same dragging than its predecessors, with the added issue of being quite pessimistic for no reason in about half the episodes, and a diminished presence for Onoda. I really wish they hadn’t dragged the Day 2 goal so long, I really hoped we’d see the end of the race, but no such luck I guess. Still love most of it and hope we get one more season or a movie to complete the story.

The favorites of the season

Golden Kamuy: In spite of its pacing issues, terrible animation and general clunkiness, I can’t help but love this show. When season 1 ended my feelings for it had mellowed quite a bit, but as soon as I picked up season 2 this Fall I just fell in love all over again. It’s fun, unique, over-the-top in some ways, incredibly grounded in others, and the dynamics between the characters are incredibly charming. 

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s hard to talk about this one because it feels repetitive, given how tonally the show remains just the same across its three seasons. It could’ve very well been a one-season, 36 episode show, for how little it changes in spite of the time that transpired between the first season and the second. But in short, the comedy continues to be as spot on as always, the Zashikiwarashi twins are the best addition to the cast. It’s definitely a show I could watch endless episodes off, and the rare case of an episodic series with no overarching plot that I can enjoy wholeheartedly. 

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card arc: Over the course of the series, I’ve expressed a few concerns and misgivings about how the story of this 20th anniversary sequel was playing out. The final episode was particularly troublesome in that it left the story unfinished in spite of deviating from the manga. In spite of this, more than anything I’m very happy that this continuation still retains what made the original so special, that they captured the magic behind Sakura’s “everything will be alright” spell and gave us the chance to spend more time with these beloved characters and see their stories continue. The slow but sweet development of Sakura and Syaoran’s puppy love is a definite highlight. Needs more Touya/Yukito and Yue in general.

Piano no Mori: This show got heavily overlooked because it was kidnapped by Netflix (pls stop immediately), and then when it was finally unceremoniously dumped a month or two ago, it came under fire for the wonky CGI during the piano scenes -and it is indeed very wonky-. But beyond that, I found the story very engaging, especially because Kai is such a fascinating protagonist, his intense rivalry-friendship with Megane-kun (sorry, it’s been six months, i can’t remember names) is exactly the type I can’t help but root for. Kai’s participation in the final episode gave me goosebumps. I’m very happy we’re getting a continuation,  can’t wait to see how the Chopin competition develops.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: Sweet, funny and absolutely delightful from start to finish, Wotakoi was easily one of the highlights of the season. Although there were some aspects about Cosplayer-senpai and Yuri Otaku-senpai’s (I’m really trying to remember the names, I’m sorry!! ;---;) that didn’t work for me -namely the izakaya segment- Narumi and Hirotaka more than made up for it with their clumsy yet adorable romance. I spent the entirety of the amusement park episode screeching. I really hope we get a continuation -and get a chance to see more of Hirotaka’s brother and his gamer friend too- and that in general we can get more anime about adult stories

Megalobox: Who would’ve thought that a show that wasn’t even in my radar before the season started would’ve end as one of my favorites, possibly of the year? Even as someone who’s only marginally acquainted with Ashita no Joe and has no interst in the sport of boxing, I was completely enthralled by the style and passion of this production. As I said a bit above, intense rivalries are very appealing to me, and the build up in the tension between Joe and Yuri was almost palpable, their mutual respect gave me chills. Definitely the surprise of the season, made even better by its optimistic happy ending to contrast with its predecessor’s tragedy. Megalobox is a unique anniversary project that is closer to an homage and it works perfectly. Definitely check it out.

That’s it for the Spring season! I hope i can do the summer season this weekend and maaaybe even my watchlist for the Fall season. Fingers crossed i won’t get swallowed up in other stuff :’D 

[askthetotallynotsquad]

*sneezes on michael* pls become more sick and die rn

ACT 1

Jeremy: *sobs* NO STOP

Rich: I fEeL iRrEllIveNt iLl jUsT LeAVe *puts gun up to head*

Jeremy: RICH NONONONO *hugs him*

Rich: wth mAn iM trYinG ro leT u aNh mIcheal bE alOne *still has gun up to head*

Jeremy: Rich please stop. I love youuuuuu- PLATONICALLY

Rich: wEll tO bAD *moves gun to stomach and pulls trigger*

Jeremy: Rich-

Rich: sh-shit that w-was a bad idea wasn’t it..*starts bleeding* f-fuck

Michael: omg rich!!! *speed dials 911*

Rich: hah.. *coughs up blood* t-thit

Michael: rICH YOU GOTTA BREATHE PLEASE

Rich: *coughs more* o-ok god well… nice kn-nowin ya…. *tries to breathe*

Michael: uM THINK ABOUT JAKE??

Rich: h-heh *smiles a bit and coughs more*

Jake: oMG RICH??? *sobs* DUDE BRO??

Rich: *hugs* i-its ok… *dies some more* ou-uch…

Jake: omg omg omg ok bro dude you’ll be fine right?? it’s like the fire??? you’ll be fine???

Rich: y-yeah…. *passes out from so much blood loss*

Hospital people: OMG!! QUICK GET HIM IN THE VEHICLE FOR THE HEALTH!!

Heath vehicle people: *throws rich in the heath vehicle*

Jake: *intense sobbing*

Rich: *passes out still*

Heath vehicle people: *gets in front of health vehicle about to drive*

Jake: *stops the health vehicle* let me go with my bf pls

Heath vehicle people: sure why not kid don’t kill him though or else we will lose some money

Jake: *cartwheels into the heath vehicle with rich* babe omg awaken pls

Rich: *tumbles on over to Jake and hugs him still passed out*

Jake: omg rich ily bab *kiss*

All the healthy bros working at that heath place: *fixes rich*

(1 hour later)

Rich: *wakes up*

Jake: *hugs rich* omg babe you almost died I missed you

Rich: *hugs tighter* i-im ok *smiles*

Jake: *all the kisses* please don’t do that again rich

Rich: I won’t d-don’t worry *still shaking a bit*

Jake: *breaks the health place rules and lays next to rich bc he needs all the hugs*

Rich: *hugs* your great

Jake: *kisses our favorite short boy on the nose* so are you

Rich: *cuddles*

Jake: *gently cuddles and whispers v nice things to rich*

Rich: *falls asleep cuddling jake*

Nice classic time skip

Jake: *carries rich to Rich’s house*

Rich’s mom: WHAT’S THIS RICH

Rich: *wakes up* NOTHING MOM

Rich’s dad: I THOUGHT U WERE TO MUCH OF A LOSER TO HAVE FRIENDS

Rich: *sobs a bit* y-yes dad I am..

Jake: rich it’s okay— *plays with Rich’s hair bc our boy* it’ll be okay

Rich’s mom: EXCUSE ME CHILD BUT WHY ARE YOU HARASSING MY SERVANT

Rich: *sobs*

Rich’s dad: QUIT CRYING YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Rich: *holds back tears* yes dad

Rich’s dad: CALL ME SIR

Rich: yes sir…

Jake: *angry Jake pulls a jake* eXCUSE ME SHITHEADS BUT WHY ARE YOU HARRASSING MY BOYFRIEND BC IF YOU DO I WILL SLAP A BITCH OR TWO

ACT 2

Rich: *clings onto jake*

Rich’s dad: SERVANT WHAT IS THIS PEASANT TALKING ABOUT

Rich’s mom: ARE YOU GAY!!!! *pulls out shotgun about to shoot jake*

Rich: *v v v scared* —- MOM NO

Rich’s mom: WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU BITCH

Rich: b-because I love him!!!!

Jake: *shields rich bc oh no*

Rich’s mom: *boom boom tries to shoot rich but oh damn she shoots jake*

Rich’s dad: good job wife you killed it

Rich’s mom: yeah

Jake: *passed out oops*

Rich: WHAT THE FUCK MOM *starts sobbing* YOU ARE ALL FUCKING BATHSTARDS AND IF I COULD YOU WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW *v sob* stay with me Jake… it’s ok….

Rich’s mom: FUCK U *trys to shoot rich but has no bullets* SHIT

Rich’s dad: LET’S GET OUT BEFORE THE COPS COME!!

(Rich’s parents run away)

Rich: s-stay with me… *calls 911*

Jake: *jake wakes up a little* I’m f-fine— rich I’ll be fine— *passes out again*

Rich: *screams to 911* GOD FUCKING DAMNIT HELP ME *starts sobbing over jake*

(Health vehicle people arrive)

Heath vehicle people: ugh u agian. Get him in the heath vehicle u are not coming

Rich: *slowly pulls out gun* do You wanna be the next one in the health vehicle?

Health vehicle people: OK YOU CAN COME JEEZ…

Healthy health people: *fix jake*

29 hours later

Jake: *jake awake* rich-?

Rich: *jumps-ish onto jake* I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD *happy sobs*

Jake: oW- *hugs rich weakly sksksk* I told you I’d be okay— *haha weak laugh*

Rich: *hugs tightly telling Jake jokes*

Jake: you’re so small and perfect… *boops Richard Goranski Bc that’s the tea*

Rich: *crosses eyes for a moment and blushes* your perfect too

Jake: I wanna sleep—- *woah Jake falls asleep*

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: *fortnite dances in* hey kids want a beverage *gives rich a “perfectly normal” drink* I’m a healthy health bro so you can trust me ok bye

Rich: ooooo drinks *drinks the drink* wait. This is.

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: MTN DEW >:)

ACT 3

Rich: *starts screaming and rolling around on the ground and overall dying*

Jake: *screams and wakes up to his bf having a seizure omg* rich?? babe??? bro??? are you okay??? *panic panic panic*

Rich: AWUHHDHXNHRNCJDBJSNWKDNEONCIENXLWNDOCNEKCNIENCJDBDJSMLAHHBSHHhHHhHHHhhhhh *rolls around holding head* H-HELP JAKE HELP…!.! A..A.AJHhh d9g xhdhxudnkshJHHJDHDBIDNRIEW

Jake: rich- Richard what’s wrong?? Tell me please- talk to me— what’s wrong-

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: *yeets himself out the window*

Rich: *stops screaming* hhh….* turns to jake crying and sweating* i-its back jake… it’s back.. *has a panic attack and moves closer to jake* j-jake it’s b-back *keeps crying*

Jake: rich- rich come here- it’s going to be alright- I love you babe- *kisses rich on the top of his head bc our boy*

Rich: *cuddles up to jake still sobbing a bit and shaking*

Squip(dark Kermit): OK first order of buisness. Ditch this goon.

Rich: WH-what!! Never!! *still sobbing and holds onto jake tightly*

Jake: *hugs onto rich tightly* it’ll be okay—- I’m here— you’re okay-

Dark Kermit: disgusting. You seriously want this… thing? Nah- go for… chloe?

Rich: n-no!!! He'th amazing!!!

Dark Kermit: mutters- optic nerve blocking on- fine. We’ll have to do this the hard way.

Rich: j-JAKE!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH JAKE!!

Jake: Rich? Why’re you yelling- it’s okay-

Dark Kermit: STOP WITH THE LISP! Jesus… you’re such a bad person.

Rich: *sobs* i-im not that bad…

Dark Kermit: why would this hooligan hang around you if you aren’t bad

Rich: HE'TH BEAUTIFUL!!

Dark Kermit: yeah, just like you right?

Rich: … *silently crys* i-im not- not that bad……… im not b-bad..

Dark Kermit: your terrible. The lisp make you worse. And this whippersnapper. He makes you terrible. Cut him off

Jake: rICH? RICH THIS ISN’T FUNNY. TALK TO ME-

Rich: WAIT WHERE DID JAKE GO- JAKE WHERE ARE YOU!! WHAT HAPPENED!! JAKE DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASE….. don’t leave me alone….

Jake: *hugs rich* I’m right here— I’m here-

Dark Kermit: ew push him off you

Rich: I-i can feel you i just can’t thee you… Kermit heth…. I can’t thee you please….. just…. *sobs*

Jake: I’m here- that’s all that matters- I’m here- it’s okay *all the kisses* lemme call up my homie Michael *calls up his homie michael*

Michael: yeah sup

Jake: I need mtn dew red

Michael: yeah come to my house

Jake: why

Michael: I’m comfortable

Jake: fine

Rich: d-don’t leave me!!!!! *moves around trying to find jake* don’t leave me!! *tears up*

Jake: I’m going to pick you up, okay babe? *bOOM picks up rich bridal style bc owo* *runs on over to his homie Michael’s house* MICHAELLLLL

Michael: I’m in my room, bitch

Rich: *clings onto jake*

Dark Kermit: ok I’m back from japan and my spa. What’s been happ- OH MY GOD YOURE IN THHE PRESENCE OF TWO LOSERS! GET OUT OF THERE.

Jake: *runs to our homie michaels room*

Dark Kermit: im done *starts to take control of rich’s legs

Rich: *clings onto jake tighter* he’s gonna t-take control *starts moving legs trying to get up* j-jAKE DON’T LET ME GO WHATEVER YOU DO WHATEVER I SAY DON’T LET GO OF ME *clings tighter*

Jake: *hugs rich tighter sksksk*

Dark kermit: jfc this is boring uh—- *makes rich punch Jake in the nose* thereee

Jake: *gasp-* ow— oW *cries*

Rich: I’M SORRY *sobs* I DIDN’T MEAN TO *sobs a lot and clings onto jake v tightly* PLEASE DON’T LET ME GO…. u-unless I hurt you agian…. I don’t want y-you getting hurt *v sob v sad*

Dark Kermit: *makes rich kick Jake in the ribs bc this is the tea* hah hah hah

Jake: ooWwww *drops rich and doubles over bc ow pain*

Michael’s first mom: Michael your friends are here!

Michael’s second mom: Michael your friends are fighting!

Rich: I-IM SO SORRY I-

Dark Kermit: *makes rich y’all ooo the tea*

“Rich”: I hate you ew you’re gross go die

Jake: rich??? that- that’s mean…

Michael: CAN YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN IM TRYNA FIND THE MTN DEW— AND WATCH HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

Rich: i- I didn’t mean it it was the squip I swear!!!!! Please just find the mtn dew.. I can’t hurt you anymore…. *single tear*

Dark Kermit: mmm nahhh

“Rich”: just leave omg I’m lying to you. I’ve always hated you, douche. Go die—

Jake: riCHARD!

Michael’s mom pt. 1: Michael who do you hang out with?!

Michael’s mom pt. 2: Do we need to have a talk??

Michael: CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP?!

Rich: i…. i

Dark Kermit: you’re so bad at this

“Rich”: just leave. Leave!!

Michael’s moms pts 1&2: this is like a soap opera omg

Michael: Jesus why is my room a mess..-

Jake: rich please stop…

Rich: I’M TRYING!! *sobs* HE'TH TAKING OVER…

Michael: bAM FOUND IT *michael makes an entrance dododo* here— *shoves that tasty mtn dew red down Rich’s throat*

Jake: riCH?

Rich: *still sobbing* he- he'th gone…. *hugs jake* I’M SO SORRY… ALL OF THAT WAS NOT TRUE I-I DON’T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME

Jake: it’s okay… it’s okay… I’m here… *hugs rich bc he deserves all the hugs*

Michael: can you guys get out of my house bc jere is coming over—

Jake: jfc *picks up rich and kisses his nose uwu* lets go babe

ACT 4

Rich: *holds onto jake* thanks for that… you know.. getting rid of the squip and all for me *kisses Jake bc he is a hero*

Jenna: *has filmed entire thing from ACT 1 to act 3* heh heh heh heh >:)

Jake: I love you so much babe- *all the kisses sksksksksk*

Jenna: *still filming all this hot tea*

Rich: I love u to :) *so much of the kisses*

Jenna: *stops film* YO GAYS

Rich: *turns around* thit-

Jake: oh- um- *lets go of rich* hiii jennaaaaa———

Jenna: look what i got *holds up camera*

Rich: no no no no no no no it’s not what it looks like…

Jenna: OK so I’ll go tell Madeline Jake is single then ok?

Rich: —————–JAKE IS MINE

Jake: Jenna, what’re you going to do with that recording? *hugs rich bc iconic*

Jenna: oh idk, defiantly NOT show the school… yeah! Because I want to not be cool. Sure…. NO. I am showing EVERYONE!!

Rich: *hides behind Jake scared*

Jake: J-Jenna! You wouldn’t do that- right?? Right??

Jenna: Yes I would! In fact, I already shared it with clohe, Brooke, and Madeline! They will share will share with evreyone else since they are v popular.

Rich: *continues hiding behind jake*

Jake: *hugs rich close to himself*

Chloe: *screeches and jumps outta tree* oH MY GOD!!! THAT IS SO GAY!

Rich: *hugs Jake sobbing* why do we have to c-come out by gossip…

Jake: *rubs Rich’s back* it’ll be okay, babe. I’m here… *kisses Rich’s head bc my sons*

Jenna: this will be the talk of the school tomorrow! I can’t wait!

Rich: i-i don’t wanna be cool anymore… *hugs Jake tighter*

Jake: shhh… it’s okay…

WOW LOOK THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL

Bully McGee: *slides on over to Rich’s dms and life tbh* hey gay. you’re gay. haha dummy

Rich: ……. *moves closer to jake*

Jake: *punches bully mcgee* go away.

Jenna: oh it’s my second favorite gays! How are you two?

Rich:(sarcasm alert) oh you know, bullied here, getting called a faggot there. Good times, good times. *leans on Jake*

Jake: *kisses rich on the nose* Stop being so angry *laughs*

Madeline: *stomps on over to jakey d and rich* jAKE. HOW COULD YOU DATE ME, AND THEN JUST THINK YOU CAN CONVERT TO A FAG? I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU.

Jake: Madeline- calm down-

Madeline: NO. I WILL NOT. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME. *sLAPS JAKE BC TEA* *sassily walks away*

Jake: *cries* I didnt mean to hurt anyone…

ACT 5

Rich: thes a bitch jake, don’t let that get to you *hugs jake* if it makes you feel any better, you know I love you *smiles*

Jake: mhm… *digs his face into Rich’s hair bc wow*

Hobo’s cousin: hey bitches it’s me 😏 who wants a nice quality tic tac

Rich: no thanks I’m good

Jake: idk gimme one *inhales a tic tac*

Hobos cousin: oh yeah take mtn dew *shoves it down jake’s throat*

Jake: *intense screaming*

Rich: JAKE ARE YOU OK *holds jake*

Jake: rich- babe- th-there’s a man behind you— he’s— scary— *cuddles into rich* rich I’m scared— what happened???

Live action squidward (SQUIP): why the fuck is this short little asshole touching you ew

Jake: uH?

Rich: *holds Jake tighter bc he’s special* i-its ok dude…i think it’s a thquip…

Jake: *sobs into Rich’s shoulder* I want it to be gone- it’s- it’s scary- and mean-

Squidward: ew you make me want to poop

Jake: *screaming*

Jenna: wow this is tea *films Jake literally dying*

Rich: *plays with his hair to calm him down* i-its ok bro it’s fine I got u man… (in his head: THIS IS NOT FINE)

Jake: *sits on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest* rich— I’m scared—

Squidward: hi I’m a robot beeply booply

Rich: Its ok bb i got u.. *sits next to Jake pulling him closer*

Squidward: what does this fag think he’s doing. Get him away he might give you rabies

Jake: *hugs into rich* go away squidward—

Squidward: *makes Jake push rich away* there you go

“Jake”: what am I doing? I should be with Madeline

Rich: w-what…?

Squidward: hehehheheh

“Jake”: yeah! YOU DO realize no one likes you right? You just a flat out loser. I can’t belive I Dated you

Rich: n-no… it’s the thquip… *starts to cry*

“Jake”: no, this is just me. Plain. Old. Jake.

Squidward: nice job me! Well thank you me

Jake: rich I- *BAM the squip shuts off his vocal chords bc omg tea*

Squidward: I am just so good at this

Rich: you what….

Squidward: heh heh heh

“Jake”: I hate you.

Rich: o-oh yeah cool….. *looks away crying*

Jake: *starts sobbing and hugs rich*

Squidward: hehehe 😎😎

Rich: t-thorry for being alive….

Squidward: look what you did to your friend. You’re such an asshole

Jake: *intense sobbing and shaking*

“Jake”: you should be sorry. you’re the ugliest, stupidest, worst person I’ve ever met. your short and you have a lisp which is ugly af

Rich: F-FINE I N-NEVER LIKED U ANYWAYS… *runs to Jake’s house sobbing and shaking*

Squidward: *BAM wow look Jake can talk again*

Jake: RICH WAIT- *sONIC RUNS AFTER RICH* RICH STOP I DIDN’T MEAN IT- IT WASN’T ME-

[bittenscreations]

Bye, Mia

Supernatural fiction with original characters. First part of a ?? length series. Possible triggers include: blood, violence, kidnapping, panic attack, gore.

It was late, and Mia was ready to go home. She gathered up her things, locked her computer, and stood up just as the office lights went out. It wasn’t the first time she’d worked so late, though, and she was prepared. Picking up her phone, she opened the menu and turned on the flashlight. The icon lit up, but nothing else happened.

“What the hell?” She tried again, tapping the icon twice. Nothing changed, so she sighed and grabbed her bag. She knew from previous experience that she could make it to the exit by using the small amount of light from the exit signs & regularly spaced safety lights.

As she walked through the abandoned halls, she was comforted by the regular nighttime sounds of the office: distant vacuuming as the cleaning staff tidied up, the echoing footsteps of the security guards as they made their rounds, and faint murmurs of other people making their way out of the building. A tiny scrabbling sound caught her attention and she frowned. Had another mouse gotten into the building somehow? The last one had wreaked havoc on the files before it was caught.

“Hey, Siri, make a note,” she said, holding up her phone.

“Ok I can take that note for you, just tell me what you want it to say,” the digital assistant replied.

Before she could answer, she heard a noise that sounded vaugely like laughter? Something sniffing? She wasn’t sure. She strained her ears to see what it was or where it had come from.

The phone in her hand spoke again, startling her. “Creating your note…here’s your note.” She looked down at the screen in surprise, then quickly glanced around. ‘I’m coming for you,’ was displayed in the area where Siri usually displayed whatever it had heard.

“Very funny,” Mia called, fear coloring her voice. “How did you manage to mess with my phone? It was on the desk next to me all day.” She turned, looking for someone in the depths of the shadows. If someone was trying to play a prank on her, they probably weren’t far away.

“Not far, no,” Siri responded to her thoughts, startling her again.

“Who’s there?” Mia whirled around again. It occurred to her that standing in the darkness & trying to find someone in its depths wasn’t the smartest thing to do, so she started walking toward the security desk to report the harrassment. She heard muffled footsteps behind her, and glanced back to find no one there. She walked faster, glad that she wore sneakers for the walk out to her car. As she passed under a security light, the rest of them went out.

Her text alert rang into the darkness, making her jump. As she glanced at the phone, she saw the text message for a brief moment before the screen glitched and went black. 'Gotcha,’ was all it said.

The light above her dimmed, brightened, and went out. As she stood in the darkness with her heart hammering frantically, she smelled something like burnt rubber. She heard the scrabbling sound again, louder this time, and realized that whatever was making the noise was too big to be a mouse. It sounded more like…like human-sized claws scraping along the office wall. She backed away from the noise, keeping one hand on the wall to guide herself.

“Yes,” Siri spoke from her hand again, “they’re claws.”

Mia threw her phone in the direction of the scrabbling and turned to run. She could make out the light of an exit sign in the distance. As she reached the door, the light went out. She threw open the door and felt warm air on her face. Something about it seemed wrong, though. The air outside the office usually smelled like pine trees, but this had the same scent she’d noticed before. Was it hot metal or burnt rubber? The air changed direction, heating up as she heard laughter and she realized it wasn’t air at all. Someone or something was breathing on her face.

She screamed and backed away, pushing her hands in front of her to ward off whoever it was. All she felt was the metal of the door as it swung shut. She listened for the claws behind her, but only heard the sound of her own harsh breathing. Her chest tightened painfully, and she wondered if she was having a heart attack. Did women hallucinate during heart attacks? She couldn’t remember the symptoms.

“Symptoms of heart attacks in women include breathlessness,” Siri again answered her thoughts. Mia could see the faint light from her phone as she looked back in the direction she’d thrown it. As she started crawling toward the phone, it continued reciting, “sweating, pain or discomfort in your chest or upper back, lightheadedness or dizziness, severe anxiety or confusion, and a feeling of impending doom.”

Mia reached out to her phone, ready to call 911. She had all of those symptoms, and more.

“The symptoms do not include hallucinations,” a different voice spoke from the darkness behind her. Mia screamed again as a hand closed around her ankle. The hand pulled her backward and she fell, hitting her head on the floor. As she blacked out, she felt the same hot breath against the back of her neck. The scent of burnt rubber (or was it hot metal? She still wasn’t sure) surrounded her, following her awareness into the depths of her mind.

As Mia came to, she could feel her hands tied behind her back. She tried to wiggle loose, but stopped as she felt the rope biting into her wrists painfully. She heard the laughter again, and looked around for the source.

She was sitting in a chair, in the center of a dim pool of light. She couldn’t see much beyond a few feet, but it looked like she was in an empty concrete room. Something moved in the darkness at the edge of her vision, and she turned to look at it.

“Who’s there?” she called.

“Did you rest well?” a hoarse, somewhat familiar-sounding voice replied with an eerie chuckle.

“Who are you? Why am I here?” Mia asked, terrified.

“I suppose I do owe you an answer, in thanks for such a wonderful meal. Dinner AND a show,” the voice said, and Mia could make out a human-looking form in the darkness. The figure moved closer and began clapping slowly. “Such a wonderful performance,” it mocked.

As the figure moved into the light, Mia’s first thought was that her eyes were playing tricks on her. Its hands were black, the fingers too long, ending in sharp-looking claws. As she stared, Mia realized that the black faded partway up the thing’s forearms, splitting into ragged lines that disappeared at various intervals as paler skin took over. The thing moved further into the light, and Mia realized with a start that she recognized the face.

“Theresa? What are you doing? Let me go, now!” she exclaimed.

“Theresa isn’t here right now,” the thing said in that same hoarse voice, and Mia realized it sounded like Theresa with a bad case of laryngitis.

“Would you like to leave a message?” Siri asked from her feet. Mia looked down and saw her phone, with the same glitchy screen she’d seen earlier.

“Ah, Siri,” the thing (Theresa?) cooed. “You played your part well, too. Of course,” it (she?) continued, Siri speaking in unison with it, “I DO have a way with technology.”

Mia blinked, recognizing one of Theresa’s favorite phrases. “Theresa, please let me go,” she begged.

“I told you,” the thing spat, “Theresa isn’t HERE right now!” A strange layer of static surrounded the thing that was Theresa, her voice overlaid with multiple tones. “You could say she’s gone on vacation.” Its mood changed suddenly, and it chuckled at some inner amusement. “But you asked some questions, and I agreed to answer them. You know part of who I am. Well, you know who my vessel is, at least. A better question would have been 'what are you,’ but I’ll give you that for free. I am a manifestation of pain, fear, and rage. As to the second question: you’re here because you’re the one who created me.”

“What? I don’t understand,” Mia protested. “I didn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Oh, but you did,” the thing replied. “Everytime Theresa pushed aside her anger & rage at your idiocy, each time she literally bit her tongue or dug her nails into her palms under the table, all the times she kept silent for fear of losing her job; all of those things she pushed aside in the name of 'professionalism’,” it sneered, “had to go somewhere. For most people, those things just fester in their soul, or they find ways to work through them: alocholism, drugs, painting, escapism, kickboxing classes, all those coping mechanisms. Theresa, though, she never did any of those. She let her imagination roam instead. Every bit of pain became a spark, every instance of fear became a drop of oil, each moment of rage was a piece of wood on a funeral pyre she built for you all in her mind.”

“But why me?” Mia interrupted.

“Every time you went to your supervisor because you knew he would push until you got your way, every time you pretended not to understand a task so that someone else would have to do it, each moment you spent with that blank look on your face as she explained the same thing again and again, all of those were the logs that built your pyre. You built yourself a nice large bonfire, others fanned it into a towering inferno, and now it - or I should say 'I’ - have come to consume you all.” The thing pulsed with heat, seeming to grow and shrink before her eyes as it spoke. Mia stared at the thing in horror, just beginning to comprehend the situation she was in. This wasn’t a crazed Theresa, this was something else, something that didn’t care about losing a job or going to prison.

“You’re right,” it responded to her thoughts. “I don’t care about those things. Fire consumes, that’s all it does. And since you were so kind enough to create me with pain, fear, and rage, I decided to start with you.” The thing stared at her, and Mia realized that its veins and arteries, all of its blood vessels, had turned black. “It’s pitch, Mia. Theresa’s blood has turned to pitch in her veins.” The thing started to giggle as static covered its form. “I needed a way to keep myself alive in here until I consumed everything I could.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” Mia began to cry in fear.

“It’s too late for that,” the thing sang. “I’m here now, and I’m hungry. Hungry for the things that created me in the first place. Theresa has all the rage I’ll ever need. I was surprised at that; I’d have expected her to have problems with depression or anxiety, given her past, but she is filled with rage. You were kind enough to treat me to a wonderful feast of fear earlier, and it should keep me sated for a day or two.”

“Then let me go!” Mia exclaimed. “If you already got what you wanted, you don’t need to keep me here.”

“Mia, Mia, Mia,” the thing spoke gently to her, explaining itself like an adult to a child. “Don’t you remember? There were three things that brought me here. Three things that I crave: rage, fear…” it hesitated, looking at her expectantly.

“And pain,” Mia finished in a whisper, realizing that she wasn’t going to leave here alive.

“And pain,” the thing agreed, smiling in approval. “You’ve given me a small taste, but I need more.” It moved closer, gently caressing her face with its claws.

Mia gasped as pain followed the path of that caress. She hadn’t realized the thing’s claws were razor sharp, parting the skin as they gently moved from her forehead and along the side of her jaw. She felt the warmth of her own blood running down her skin, and the thing leaned closer, still smiling.

“That’s it,” it whispered, and Mia felt its hot breath wash over her just before its tongue darted out and flicked along one of the blood trails. “Oh,” it murmured in surprise, “I didn’t know she had a taste for blood, too.”

The last thing Mia was aware of, before the world disappeared into a haze of pain, was the thing’s delighted laughter and the smell of its breath, now tinged with the copperish smell of her own blood. Then the thing grabbed the flap of skin it had separated from her jawline and began to peel off her face, and Mia knew nothing but pain and screaming for a long, long time.