#i finally made my romance decision based on that quest

[youcantrewind]

Still thinking about the way Spite comes running to Rook like "moooom he's being mean to meeee" and without warning just yanks you into Lucanis' freaking mind and you have to make them put on their get along shirt to get out.

[ishaslife]

Astarion has been breaking my poor heart.

This post will contain spoilers for the game and Astarion's romance/backstory. Before anyone comes at me, I want to say that you are the main character, you are supposed to change the fates and behaviours of your characters, especially if you are romancing them. It's a video game, that's kind of the point.

This post is extremely long and I apologise.

This analysis is based off my playthrough.

(*) means check notes at the bottom of the post.

I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I do. Don't get me wrong, I really liked him during EA and I thought he was funny, charming, flirty with a dark past and all that was just a means to cover his trauma but since the full game has come out and we've gotten to know more of him, it truly breaks my heart to see and know what he has been through. My sister and I were watching his reactions to be being rejected, being told that Tav only wants sex and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, it is truly heart-wrenching.

Many people expected Astarion to be this "I am so sexual and my romance will mostly be sex, also I will betray you the first chance I get." and it couldn't be further from the truth. Astarion is extremely loyal, and yes he has that air of flambouncy to him, will often make japes and say evil things but most of the time, it is just a facade. It's his shield in a way, he has been treated with utter cruelty for two hundred years of his life and now that he finally has some control over himself, he doesn't wish to be hurt again.

I don't think Astarion is ever completely evil, even in the beginning. He just wants to have fun and enjoy life after so many years of slavery. He likes it when you are snarky, say mean shit to people for fun but, he doesn't like to see innocents get hurt, and he doesn't support fighting for people who don't fight for themselves. Yes, he will support some of your evil decisions but they will lead to a bad ending, for you and your characters. It'll make Astarion wallow more in his greed and he'll lose the little humanity he has left. He doesn't really have a clear sense of direction in the beginning of the game as he's just found freedom and obviously wants to live life to the fullest, being evil comes naturally to him, it's instinct as its what he's been doing for two centuries.

This is my assumption since we don't know his actual age but since he's an elf who was well-respected in society, had a pretty prestigious job and was rich enough to be corrupt. I'd assume he was at least 70-100 years old before he was turned into a spawn. (EDIT - in a recent post by @deluxetrashqueen I saw the translation of the dates of birth and death on his tombstone:

"Astarion Ancunin

229-268 DR" to which he adds, "458DR - "

which shows that he was only 39 at the time of his death, which explains his emotional immaturity for an elf.) My point being, I believe he has been a spawn for longer than he's ever been a regular person. He has spent the longer part of his life doing evil things for an evil man, that was what his life was on a daily basis with Cazador. And his former work experience probably helped, he likely learnt pretty quick how much he took for granted as a living person and the harshness of his master, peers and people he seduced made him harsh and unforgiving in return.

Once you start getting close to him, you start to learn that he is only mean to people because of how life has treated him. In his romance, he says "no one ever looked out for me, no one ever said a kind word to me. You're the only one, no one is like that." Astarion starts to see, because of you that there is kindness in the world, and he finds kindness in you. Especially after his quest, as much as he'd hate to admit it, he also sees friends in your other companions as they do in him. By the end of Act 2, he starts to get more soft towards you and the decisions you make, often even disapproving of evil decisions. People often tend to forget that a lot of Astarion's evil personality is a front, it is not who he truly is.

These points will be better explained individually so I will talk about some themes.

Power: power plays a big part in his entire storyline. In the beginning, he wants to harness the powers of the tadpole to become powerful and at first, you think that it's simply because he's an evil character and he wants power for the sake of having it. Then later, he wishes to take over the power of the ascendant but mostly only to spite Cazador and take something important from him, not fully realising the true power of the rite.

As he slowly starts opening up to you, he tells you "the mind flayers tore me from that place" and you realise that its the tadpole that let's him walk in the sun, do things a vampire or spawn would never be able to, you learn that he hates being a vampire because he can't even remember what he looks like. He seeks power outside because he has had no power over himself for about two centuries, he thinks that having this power will fulfill his needs but it won't, we know it won't because in truth he only needs to reclaim his autonomy, physical and mental. Of course Astarion would never truly admit to this for a long while, even when he's romanced. I personally really love his good romance arc where he doesn't have sex with you, not because he dislikes you or doesn't want you but because, as he says "any kind of intimacy was something I performed to lure people back for him. While I know things between us are different... being with someone still feels tainted. It brings up all those feelings of disgust and loathing." He has spent 200 years or so bowing to Cazador's whims, done things to people he didn't want to do and I assume since it's heavily hinted at, were very sexual in nature. In a relationship, he simply wants to be seen as a person and I think that's really sad because that's how low the bar is for him.

In the ending of his quest, you can persuade him and tell him that going forth with the ritual won't set him free even if he thinks it will and I agree. If he's a slave to Cazador now, later he'd be a slave to power and greed. Just look at Cazador, despite being one of the most powerful beings in existence, he still wanted more power. That kind of greed and hunger never ends and Astarion would lose himself and who he has become while he was with us. Yes, it makes him walk in the sun again and do things a regular vampire can't but at what cost? 7,000 lives and his humanity. He would never be able to enjoy this "freedom" because he'll only strive to seek more power. In his ascendant ending, he becomes everything he's ever hated about Cazador, the cycle repeats itself, from Vellioth to Cazador and from Cazador to Astarion. And it will never end. Astarion even refuses to turn you into a vampire and wishes to keep you only as a spawn. With an insight check, you can learn that he thinks you're degrading yourself and he doesn't care. He now sees you as something to own, something to possess, not love. All his good qualities, wants and needs get twisted. Astarion truly only needs to feel like a person again but he doesn't fully realise this until you show it to him, through good deeds and actions, through simple acts of kindness. As he says in his "good" ending "I've been dead in the ground enough. It's time to try living again. With all that life has to offer."

Safety: Astarion wants to feel safe. He is so scared of being found by Cazador, he knows he's looking for him and the only thing giving him some form of safety from Cazador is the tadpole so of course he wants to harness its powers that is until he finds out it'll turn him into another kind of monster, a mind flayer. He doesn't wish to lose himself and his freedom again hence is vehemently against taking on the tadpole's powers but he doesn't stop you because that is of course, your decision to make. He says "if such power would please you, darling, I won't stop you. But do be careful, I want you to remain you." Now the only thing left that can properly give him his freedom is Cazador's death and he wants to kill him himself which I think is perfectly acceptable, Cazador deserves to die and if it is by Astarion's hands, all the better. But, in his romance, he makes it clear that he's doing it for safety, and he tells himself that he wants to take the power of the rite for safety as well because in truth, he is terrified of being powerless again. He does want revenge yes, but he also wants to keep you and himself safe from Cazador, even in the dungeon, if you run an insight check, the narrator tells you that he is losing his mind because of the power that's on offer and the smell of blood in the air. It's almost as if to say "he's losing his mind, please stop him before he forgets who he is." Astarion NEEDS your guidance*, eventually he even thanks you for 'saving him from himself.' In his good ending, he sees that in taking the power, he would be no better than Cazador and would become everything he's ever hated about him, and inflict on others what his former master inflicted on him, starting with you. His ascendant ending is honestly a very sad ending for his character, all that growth, change and development you bring to him throughout your journey just gone down the drain as he becomes an unfeeling, evil, narcissistic arsehole who only craves for more power. In his good ending, he will be safe, with you and with the friends he has made along the way. He is proud of himself and so is everyone else, it offers him a kind of friendship that's afforded to very few in the D&D world, especially a vampire/spawn whose very existence is hated. It is a bond based on trust, loyalty and to a degree, even love instead of fear like in the ascendant ending.

Abandonment and Fear: Astarion is driven by fear but he also knows facing Cazador is inevitable and something he needs to face rather than avoid. Even if he isn't outright seeking it (but he does seek it) I think he is braver than he likes to think and he definitely has some anti-hero traits. He likes the tadpole because it helped him get away from Cazador's authority and he enjoys bending others to his will since it makes him feel more powerful compared to how he's felt the past two centuries. But if you choose to not do the same, he doesn't really care. He doesn't except it of you nor is he disappointed (since he neither approves or disapproves. He only disapproves helping people who didn't ask or didn't want to be helped) he only gives a snarky comment or two about what he would've done instead and follows you anyway. He realises you're a good person. If you indulge too much however, I would argue that he agrees simply because he doesn't want you to turn against him. Perhaps he believes that you can turn on him and kill him as easily as you killed the tieflings or other innocents. He probably thinks it's easier to turn a good person evil than an evil person, good (tbh he wouldn't be entirely wrong.) And making bad choices does negatively affect his character of course but I just thought I'd put that out there as I think it's very likely for him to do so. He is definitely extremely paranoid, he hardly ever says how he truly feels out loud but when you break up with him (it's so heartbreaking omg) he says "I was beginning to think someone truly wanted me. I shouldn't have deluded myself." and "From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?" As heartbreaking as it is, the latter line shows how terrified he was of being abandoned or only be used for his body, he kept obessesively worrying that Tav would leave him after he bore his heart out to them. There's another bit of dialogue in Act 1 where he is trying his lines with you to get you to sleep with him a second time and you can say no which he is fine with but if you outright reject him there, meaning "I never want to see you like that again" he gets extremely sad: "Well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. [slight chuckle] In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back 10,000 times or more and forgotten half of them. But you, I'll remember. [long pause] Have a fine evening... dear." Mind you, this is after you've only slept with him once. His dialogue makes it seem like he was already catching feelings for you, and not realising that himself until this happens. Seeing this made me realise that you're the first person he's slept with of his own volition, even if it was to seduce you. For the longest time, I think Astarion doesn't even want to believe you'll like him as something more than someone to sleep with, he hopes you might as his rejection line says so but astarion is nothing if not careful and well, paranoid.

That's why he's so shocked when you choose to not let him bite Araj at Moonrise even if it gave you something powerful in return. He sees that you chose his comfort over a genuinely useful commodity. Biting people or using his vampire, well, anything makes him extremely uncomfortable since it reminds him of things he needed to do for Cazador. If he bites her, it makes him feel like being a slave again, but bending to your will and wishes instead of his former master's. He realises he doesn't know how to say no. Which is another thing he says if you wish to pursue only a sexual relationship with him. He feels played.

Freedom: this is probably the main theme to his character arc. He wants to be free, not only from his master but also free to make right decisions and make decisions for himself, something he hasn't been able to do for years. This is why respecting his decision to not sleep with you is important to him, he doesn't feel comfortable being physically close to someone in a sexual way as it makes him doubt the person's true intentions and feelings and of course, makes him feel loathsome and disgusted with himself. He needs that time where you just connect as people to really see that you are in fact genuine and he wouldn't be hurt if he trusted you or gave you his heart. Towards the end of the game, he is still quite ruthless, but mostly only towards people who do wrong and are criminals. Astarion has a very strong set of ideals, he believes that people who do wrong deserve to die no matter the crime. I don't think this is entirely true, every crime deserves a different punishment but most criminals, those who do severe wrong and still get away with it, do deserve to die but this is just my opinion of course. He is ruthless towards bad people because that's how people have been to him, at least Cazador and I wouldn't be surprised if he was treated badly during his sexual encounters with strangers while working for him.

Why I think the Ascendant ending is a tragic ending for Astarion's character and for you.

I won't lie, there are some aspects of ascended Astarion that are pretty hot and I'm a sucker for (pun absolutely intended) powerful, gothic vampires but this ending comes at the cost of way too much. One simply being: Astarion isn't Astarion anymore. All his snarkiness, playful nature and strange innocence is gone. In his ascendant ending, that is, when he takes the power of the Rite of Ascension for himself by carving the same rune on Cazador's back that's on his own, Astarion loses himself. In D&D lore, full vampires are unfeeling, ruthless and have all their good traits twisted into something more malignant and evil. If Astarion loved you, that love turns into possession, if he cared for you, it turns into obsession. He doesn't truly care anymore... as a vampire, he is manipulating you and telling you things you want to hear instead of what he's actually feeling. He never truly got that moment of catharsis by killing Cazador as he does in his spawn ending. That simple bliss of killing the man that enslaved him and worse all these years; he never gets to experience that because he ends up using Cazador for the same power Cazador killed Vellioth for in the past, albeit worse. It's a never-ending cycle. And if he turns you into his spawn, you will go through the same fate Astarion went through and probably turn on him the same way he turned on Cazador. He has absolutely no sympathy for you or for anyone that is not him, in fact he feels almost disgusted by you because he thinks you're degrading yourself in front of him. There is a conversation between him and if you refuse to become his spawn, and I think it sums up his character perfectly as a vampire, it goes like this:

(choosing different options will have different dialogues but they more or less lead to him saying the same thing.)

ASTARION: Just so you know, I have everything I've ever wanted. Everything lies ahead. I can see my path to a waking dream. From the Crimson Palace, I will govern day and night. Create a city of spawn who bow before me, cast a fog over the world for my children.

TAV: But the Palace halls will be lonely.

ASTARION: You'll be lonelier than I. Very soon I will discover how to call my legions of wolves, become a sea of mist, run wrongside-up on roofs. [laughs] Everything vampires do best.

You could have, too. [sniggers] What a waste.

TAV: You don't really have anything at all.

ASTARION: I can take anything I want. I should've made you a spawn just to teach you that.

And there we have it, that last bit of dialogue shows how Astarion is now everything he hated about his own master. He is Cazador's literal and spiritual successor, he thinks you need to be punished for rejecting him. He doesn't feel for you anymore, at least not in a human way. He has become someone else entirely, for the worst. His drive for taking the power of the rite was to be able to walk in the sun again but as a full vampire, he wants to "dominate it (the world) until the sun melts and give ourselves over to the night."

Astarion NEEDS change, he needs to see that the world can be a kinder place than the one he's lived in this whole time. Just a bit of care and love with him goes a long way. In his spawn ending, he comes to realise that you gave him his life back even if it was as a spawn because that is true freedom. He is free from his master, and greed & power which was in the disguise of safety. He may never be able to walk in the sun, but he is free to make his own decisions that are driven by his choices. One of them being; wanting and loving you, living a full life with you, whatever that may entail.

If you went into the game thinking that Astarion will betray you no matter what then giving him the ascendant ending brings your fears to life. Astarion doesn't learn anything, by making him a full vampire, you basically tell him that he can only be powerful and worth something if he has super vampire powers, and in turn, you lose everything too. Astarion may have gained unparralled strength but now he has no need of you, you gave him everything he wanted and nothing he needed so now he can do whatever he wants with you because you are lesser than him, literally, he is much stronger than you are and his power will only grow as he discovers more of it. He tries to manipulate you into turning you into a spawn. A dialogue being:

TAV: After everything you went through with Cazador, you're going to make me a spawn?

ASTARION: Oh that was completely different, I'd never hurt you. I love you. That's what you've been waiting to hear, isn't it? That's what you want?

Which just shows you how he's only saying "I love you" because that's what you want to hear, so you agree to becoming his spawn. He doesn't mean it, it doesn't really have any feeling behind it whatsoever. And if he turns you into a spawn, you have basically lost everything. Because he is obsessive over you, he'll never let you go and since now he is properly evil, he likely won't turn you into a vampire either, even if he says he will.

This is just my take on the ending though, I think we can all agree the ascendant ending is the evil ending for his character, even if it is an ending you prefer. I'm not trying to hate on anyone who does like this ending, only stating that I think it is meant to be evil and I personally don't like it.

CONCLUSION

Once you get to truly know Astarion, he's a pretty decent guy. I can't speak much for people who didn't romance him, I'm not entirely sure how his non-romance route plays out. The good conclusion of his quest is so wholesome, where he says he feels "truly, honestly free" and tells you "you saved me from myself. This is a gift, you know, thank you. I won't forget it." getting full circle to the first time you let him bite you (the only time in my case.) It shows so much character development and pure joy in the way he thanks you (it doesn't need to be said but props to Neil Newbon for bringing the character to life.) He will always be a spawn and yet, he feels like "anything and everything is possible" because of you and the choices you made with him, you believed in him when he didn't believe in himself, you showed him that he is enough just the way he is and he doesn't need to become a full vampire to be strong and powerful. Astarion comes out of his finale, a much more positive person, who actually cares even if he won't show it and the best part is, he always keeps that tiny streak of evil and mischief within him. He hasn't lost sight of himself, he's just less spiteful now and feels free to actually enjoy life rather than constantly being scared of what might happen to him. He finds trust and happiness in you and it makes him happy that you find the same within him. You are his home and he hopes he is yours.

I understand that my analysis may not be perfect and my interpretation of the character may be different from someone else's but that's fine, he is a video game character that can be played so many ways and people can go around it however they like, interpret his character however they wish. This is just what I think.

NOTES

'Astarion needs your guidance.' - no, this is not gaslight-y. Astarion is a deeply troubled character and clearly finds it hard to differentiate between right and wrong. He often asks for your input and what you think by Act 2 which isn't a bad thing, he's asking for help and I think that shows how far he's come. In the final scene of his quest, he is overcome by the promise of power and the safety it would've provided which would've consumed him as it did Cazador, Astarion admits to this himself too later on once he can think clearly and is in a more positive mindset. There is nothing wrong with guiding your partner towards something that will eventually be better for their growth as a person in the long run.

[usuallydyinginside]

⚠️This entire post is one big spoiler for Dragon Age: The Veilguard. You’ve been warned. ⚠️

I accidentally created the most angst-filled story possible my first time playing, and I desperately need to tell someone so here it goes.

Okay, so we begin with Rook as all DAV games do. Mine is a mage from Treviso. A Crow who is in trouble for ignoring orders to save a group of prisoners (Varric among them). When she does this, it endangered a larger operation, and she basically got sent away as punishment. That’s okay, though, because she gets to go help Varric on his fun little mission to stop Solas.

Enter: Neve Gallus. She’s beautiful, funny, and my god is the absolute icon of a detective I never knew I needed in my life. It’s love at first sight for me (though less so for Rook). Their banter is 10/10 from the get go.

At the ritual, we’re tasked with choosing someone to go with us into further danger. I was terrified the person would die, and I came into the game SO excited to have Harding on the team, so I couldn’t risk her. I brought Neve with me instead.

Which, of course leads to Neve being visibly hurt for a solid first bit of the game. Literally just me standing over there flirting while she’s got a massive bruise across her face that came from my decision. Yay.

When The Choice comes up it takes me by surprise. What the hell does the game mean I have to choose a city?!? How can I choose between my own hometown and the deeply beloved home of my one true love? (Because yes, by now Rook is smitten but I have given this woman my whole heart). Because of the way the choice is presented (that it’s civilians most in danger in Treviso) and based on it being my backstory-related place, I figure the best narrative is saving them.

Besides, Neve will understand…… right?!?

As anyone who’s gone this route knows, Neve is PISSED. She leaves the party for a while and sends notes you can just feel the hurt wafting off of. It’s obvious why when you visit Dock Town. The choice warns you about the cult taking over… but not that basically every single Shadow Dragon will be murdered, blighted, or absent for the large majority of the rest of the game. Not that Neve’s own home is destroyed along with every possession she has that isn’t currently in the Lighthouse. Not that the literal base of the SDs is destroyed and the org is basically no more.

Like, of COURSE she’s mad.

By this point, I miss Neve, and I feel guilty as hell, so I go down all of the quests that I can in her city. It changes nothing because approval doesn’t happen when she’s not in the party and Neve’s return is based on the main plot moving forward. Which means that I basically shot myself in the foot and made it ten times harder to win her approval, because most of the easiest quests are done and gone.

So when Neve gets back, she stays pissed and sad a LONG time. I have her in my party for every quest and it takes nearly all of them to get her even with the rest of the party in Act 2, because now she has the “hardened” status.

But finally, eventually, I do get her there and I’m able to romance her!! She understands my impossible choice now that she’s had some time, and we get adorable cut scenes.

All through these, the theme is clear: Neve’s driving character arc, particularly in romance, is that good things don’t last. Every spot of luck comes with a catch.

So you? You must be a temporary thing to her. She can’t count on you to be there, because somehow, she will lose you.

Which, of course, takes us to the point of no return.

Neve’s final romance scene before you go off to face the gods (again) is essentially an argument. She refuses to talk about you both having a future together because it scares her to even try to believe it’s possible. She calls you her favorite nickname a lot—Trouble and even notes she chose it well. That you’re loads of trouble for her once carefully protected heart.

On the choice between Bellara vs Neve, I chose Bellara because I do not trust this game, and I am finishing this goddamn romance at this point or so help me. This is actually the more tragic outlook for Neve though! 🙃 First, she disapproves and believes that it shows you don’t have faith in her as she suspected, confirming her belief you can’t be counted on. Then, she’s not lost in a fog of blight for days.

Oh no. She gets to be there to feel ALL of it.

When Solas tricks Rook and locks her in the prison of the fade, Neve’s worst nightmares come true. The catch has made itself known. The tables have turned. Fate has proven her cynicism right once again.

Good things don’t last.

Neve spends TWO WEEKS kicking herself for believing it could be her have been different. The whole world is doomed as far as she knows, and that’s not what she’s thinking about. Even with Dock Town at the center of the fight—the city she adores and never stops talking about—that’s not where her head is at.

It’s locked in the fade with you. Her heart.

When Rook reappears, Neve can scarcely believe it. She talks about the fact that somehow after all that, she did have hope you’d come back. That part of her was holding onto Rook’s personal brand of optimism even through her panic.

Her first words to you in that cutscene are “You came back.”

You can hear her surprise. Like even then, she can’t quite believe it.

Finally you hit the turning point where Neve stops living so cautiously she can’t enjoy the present and what you have together. She’s able to admit she loves you.

And when the game ends, Dock Town is even more destroyed from the events of Act 3, but this time, Neve doesn’t use it as a way to push you away. This time, she knows you’re in it together. They you’ll help rebuild together.

After every impossible choice… every tragedy… every hardship, you’re together.

Now, you can only prove it was worth all the trouble. ❤️

[ellstersmash]

Veilguard loves & hates:

Love It:

the banter!!

overall the armor is very cool looking

don't really have to take a balanced party (but detonations help A Lot)

enjoyable mix of linear quests and exploration

at least some puzzles

more qunari lore that isn't "qun bad chantry normal"

GORGEOUS locations fr. like under the sea? you kiddin???

a lot of the quest location and actual quest designs were intriguing and engaging

the soundtrack on the quests was better than the main theme, in most cases

only experienced one bug (on PS5) so far and it was fixed with a reload

THE HAIR!! love that I can change it often—and I DO because there are so many cool options!

honestly the whole CC is very excellent

im in love with all my friends 🥴 and my friends love each other!! much more successful found-family vibes than Inquisition; more akin to DA2

so much talk about food and using food to come together and show love!!! big fan of that

I CAN PET AND HUG ASSAN (and will. all day.)

I do wish I could hug or interact with my romanced companion....but the overall romance and amount of references to it were acceptable. more than enough to get me daydreaming about my Rook and Taash 🥰

Rook's idle animations near the edge of something make me smile

the final battle (like the whole set of quests) felt appropriately dramatic and significant

my completionism paid off :}

the emotional stakes!! I cried like a baby more than once.

DREAD WOOF \o/

the ending (the one I got this round anyway) felt relatively satisfying, even though **

Hate It:

no lighting swap for the Inquisitor CC

no warning before the first major decision point/point of no return. never had my coffee date :(

no armor/outfit dye mechanic, and my god some of the color combos are.. certainly choices

no crafting system

very few legitimately casual outfit options

the main theme sounds like Harry Potter to me

so few meaningful callbacks to past games and choices... it felt impersonal and disconnected from previous game experiences

the way certain areas are walled off (either exploration areas during quests or vice versa) by some nebulous white haze is lazy

I love a DIY home base in my viddy games, but the decor mode is basically pointless. like that's time that could've been better spent elsewhere (like maybe improving the above point??)

loading a save drops you at a respawn beacon, so I'm always forgetting what undiscovered location I was gonna explore next

combat can be fun but is often an exhausting mash of swipe-and-dodge, since unless you use a companion's Taunt skill, every enemy will prioritize Rook for no reason, minus a few swings at the companions here and there (in Adventure mode)

no dedicated Open Map or Open Journal buttons

can't talk to solas whenever I want :(

the evanuris altars are boring. at least the fen'harel ones have some challenge to them, even if it's not a very difficult one

Davrin's talk about the Dalish is.. idk. mixed bag (update: I like his arc though, and Bellara provides another great perspective!)

the Crows are a good and benevolent organization now?? I thought Caterina abused Lucanis? I need to reread his story but it really felt like the writers didn't.

humorous dialogue options are rarely actually funny

dialogue trees don't flow very well, especially if you take one of "more information" options. they need better transitions

too much mythal 😤

**the ending left me with quite a few unanswered questions AND made my Lavellan look a whole-ass fool (I will be headcanoning otherwise, because I am a whole-ass fool)

[durgeapologist]

Organized DA World State

hi hello i hope you are well 💜 you are more than welcome to skip right over this post if you don't care too much about fic prep works! i'll put the information below the break so it doesn't take up your whole TL <3 this fic prep is for my WIP dreadrook fic, but is doubling as my ref material for other DA fics :)

Dragon Age Origins

Warden: (Morana) Female Surana, Circle Mage Elf

Romanced: Alistair (Alive, Warden)

End Of Game: Alive (Canon Divergent Dark Ritual, OGB Non-Existent), Killed Archdemon, Went to Weisshaupt With Alistair

DLCs: Awakening

Current Status: literally don't ask idk haven't made up my mind i am LOSING it instead <3

Companions: Alistair, Morrigan (Left Party), Wynne (Left Party), Zevran, Oghren / Anders (Conscripted), Nathaniel (Conscripted), Oghren (Conscripted), Sigrun (Conscripted), Velanna (Not Conscripted)

Major Decisions -> Roadmap

Saved Mages (First Enchanter Alive)

Helped Redcliffe Village

Saved Isolde & Connor (Circle of Magi Ritual, Jowan Alive)

Left Ashes Alone (Cultists Killed, Dragon Killed)

Brokered Peace Between Werewolves and Dalish (Zathrian Dead)

Destroyed Anvil (Branka Killed)

Named Harrowmont King

Anora Ruling Alone (Alistair Duel, Loghain Killed)

Saved Vigil’s Keep

Let Architect Go

Dragon Age 2

Champion: (Wren) Female Hawke, Mage / Purple & Blue

Romanced: Anders (Friendship, Alive)

End Of Game: Alive (Sided With Mages), Left With Anders Into Hiding

DLCs: N/A

Current Status: In the Fade

Companions: Carver (Rivalry, Wardens), Aveline (Rivalry, Married Donnic) Varric (Friendship, Saved Bartrand), Anders (Friendship, Elthina Distracted), Fenris (Rivalry, Varania Spared), Merill (Rivalry, Eluvian Destroyed), Isabela (Friendship, Didn’t Return)

Major Decisions -> Roadmap (Potential TBE)

Took Carver and Anders To Deeproads (Carver Joined Wardens)

Saved Vicount’s Son

Sided Against Sister Peatrice

Isabela Didn’t Return Artifact

Dueled Arishok

Anders Spared (Joined Final Fight, Went Into Hiding)

Sided With Mages

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Inquisitor: (Valenvia) Female Lavellan, Mage / Blue

Romanced: Solas (Canon Divergent Break-Up Post-Trespasser), Married Cullen (Canon Divergent Post-Game Relationship)

End Of Game: N/A For Base Game

DLCs: Trespasser

Current Status: Living Her Best Retired Militant Polictian Life

Companions: Cassandra (Reform Seekers), Solas (Off Being the Dread Wolf I GUESS / Spirit Saved), Varric (?? does he even have an impactful comp quest? one of them is tied to main story and offers no choice for him so), Sera (Left Inquisition), Vivienne (No Wyvern Heart), Blackwall (Warden), Dorian (Reunite With Father), The Iron Bull (Chargers Saved), Cole (More Human), Leliana (Softened Divine), Cullen (Quit Lyrium), Josephine (Family Reputation Saved Diplomatically)

Major Decisions -> Roadmap (Potential TBE)

Declared Against Being Herald Of Andraste

Sided With Mages (Free)

Celene Saved (Joint Rule With Briala, Gaspard Exiled, Court Favor Won, Florianne Arrested)

Inquisition Disbanded

Vowed To Stop Solas

Dragon Age: Veilguard

Rook: (Mirazel) Female Thorne, Mage / Purple & Red

Romanced: Lucanis (Canon Divergent Break-Up Post-Game), Solas (Canon Divergent Post-Game Relationship)

End Of Game: Taking A Break From Wardens, Living At The Lighthouse

DLCs: N/A

Current Status: I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT

Companions: Harding (Remember Herself), Neve (Protect Dock Town), Bellara (Keep The Archive), Lucanis (Imprison Illario), Davrin (Griffons With Wardens), Taash (Embrace Rivaini Culture), Emmerich (Acquired Lichdom)

Major Decisions -> Roadmap (Potential TBE)

Sent Mayor To Wardens

Saved Treviso

Punched First Warden (RAAHHH)

Chose Davrin For Second Team Leader (Canon Divergent Destiny / HE’S NOT [REDACTED]. I REPEAT HE IS NOT [REDACTED].)

Chose Neve For First Set Of Wards (Alive)

Chose Bellara For Second Set Of Wards (Strife Alive, Alive)

Chose Harding For Juggernaut (Alive)

Chose Emmerich for Venatori Mage (Alive)

Chose Harding For Holding The Line (Alive)

Sometimes Sacrifice, Sometimes Fight, Sometimes Trick, Sometimes Un-Romanced Redemption (“Depending On The Story”)

[mynameisalanwake]

my thoughts after finishing my Dragon Age playthrough, pt. 4 - The Veilguard

i'm writing this one as i finish playing through, so it may be a little longer than the Inquisition post, but i have so many feelings i need to get out!!! right off the bat, though - i thoroughly enjoyed this game as a stand-alone action RPG AND as an installment in the Dragon Age franchise, for different reasons. this is my second favorite in the whole series, DA2 is first and it was VERY close to DA:O for the second place spot. i think everyone who has an iffy feeling about DATV might need to play through the whole series again and revisit the universe.

3 days later and after finishing DATV for this playthrough: this is 100% my longest post because i had so many feelings so i'm sorry and thank you for reading!!! i'll be back with my thoughts on playing as a mage and elf (mostly)!

Dragon Age: The Veilguard major decisions made: - warrior (Slayer) human, non-binary Rook (Dany Mercar) - Shadow Dragons - brought Harding with me to stop the ritual - saved the mayor in D'Meta's Crossing - romanced Neve - encouraged Neve to be a protector for Dock Town, side with Threads - encouraged Harding to embrace her calm side - encouraged Taash to embrace Rivaini culture - saved Minrathous - Lucanis imprisoned Illario (i didn't get to make that choice technically) - Manfred LIVES - Bellara destroyed the Archive - griffons live with the Dalish - Dorian is Archon - mostly stoic/sarcastic responses, angry/fist when available, nice answers when talking to sweeties like Evka/Antoine - whatever it takes (again, not really a choice) - sacrificed Harding :( - Bellara blighted because i wanted my romance scene - everyone else ok tho - TRICKED THAT UGLY EGG HEAD MOTHERFUCKER

ok so first things first. playing as a trans Shadow Dragon romancing Neve is canon 100%. i have gotten so many amazing, interesting, and engaging dialogue options that i missed out on in my first playthrough as a Qunari Grey Warden (which still had a LOTTTT of bonus dialogue and a direct tie-in to the story). i'll indicate specific points where i felt much more immersed as i continue - i initially only picked the Shadow Dragon faction to feel connected to Dorian, as a lot of my choices for previous games were based on who has the most involvement as the series progresses, but i didn't realize just how tightly Rook themselves would be woven into the story. this is also my self-insert character, which is why they're non-binary, which gave me bonus dialogue with multiple characters, not just Taash! even passing conversations with Maevaris and Tarquin mentioned it. for both faction and gender choices, even my base dialogue choices have little additional bits on it - for example, at the end of Neve's personal quest, i had both a romance and Shadow Dragon dialogue option, but when i selected the romance option, it was a combination of "of course i was here for you! we're both Shadow Dragons!..... and also i love you!" this is my second time romancing Neve, but it felt like an entirely different experience this time around. just two young idealists in love tryna save their city and stop ancient elven gods, no biggie <3 (i was initially going to romance Emmrich on this playthrough, but even though IRL i'm almost 30, my Rook still felt incredibly young and when i finally picked him up, i looked like a baby next to him. overall it came down to 1. the writing that made Rook young, 2. my character having a baby face, and 3. the dialogue options i had chosen up to that point just made me feel a little too immature/brash for Emmrich. i picked him up a little too late i think because the chemistry with Neve as a Shadow Dragon was UNDENIABLE. i'll revisit on my mage playthrough i think). also, Neve becoming Threads crime boss was incredibly sexy as much as i love the detective agency with Rana

HOWEVER. i don't think your experience with immersion and engagement with the game should be determined by your faction, race, class, gender identity, or who you romance. i wish they had dedicated just as much time to giving good background dialogue options and connections to NPCs to every other path a player might take. this was an overarching issue i ran into throughout the game with other choices, like Solavellan v non-Solavellan.

the combat peaked in this game, hands down. as a console player, having all of my relevant combat buttons (dodge, light attack, heavy attack, and jump) as my four right thumb buttons was a game-changer. this one still doesn't have the talent/ability wheel, but i don't mind that too much because most of your skills are passive, anyway. there are multiple mechanics, like the gear looting and specialization themes, that feel like they could've been updated to reflect the flip to single player. i also missed having 3 companions in my party, but now that they're invincible, i guess i don't have to worry about being as well-rounded as before. even though i wasn't a huge fan of the controllable party, it was a jarring change from what i was used to! it's good to have both mages AND rogues with healing abilities, though. i don't really like how the specializations are faction-themed - as a warrior, it also didn't make sense that the Reaver specialization (which was in ALL the other games) was replaced with the Reaper/Mourn Watch themed spec. it would've made more sense to have Lords of Fortune as the Reaver (since they do dragon stuff) and give the Crows or Dragons the Slayer spec.

i very much appreciated not just being given busy work, like in Inquisition. even though it doesn't feel like i make quite as many world-state changing choices, i do feel like every quest i do is meaningful regardless - just the fact that i'm doing it at all is improving someone's life, which feels good. sure, Arlathan has some really annoying puzzles, but they really paid off because they would open up shortcuts or were actually integral to progression in the story. every faction quest, companion quest, and side quest had intention! one side quest i think about in particular is a shared concept between Arlathan and Dock Town - you run into a spirit who wants you to help them investigate deaths around the map. they're early quests, so i'm sure they're meant to help you explore and open up the map, but it didn't feel like a chore to do. instead, you get bits of lore relevant to the faction on this part of the map and feel more connected to the community you're trying to ally with and assist. my first playthrough as a Qunari Grey Warden had a really pleasant surprise with the quest on the Rivain coast & the first Qunari Warden! i'm pretty sure i had special dialogue (not selected, just banter/one-off) when i found the first journal page, especially since i had Davrin and Taash in my party. companion quests also weren't just fetch quests - they're deeply entrenched in their faction and their personality, which makes them feel like they make an overall difference instead of just improving your relationship with said companion.

companions. i have feelings about these companions. i love them just as much as my Inquisition, but again, i feel like their writing suffered from the scaling between multi-player to single player. Neve is perfect, 10/10 no notes - very clearly a play on old school, film noire detectives. is it heavy-handed? sometimes. is she perfect? yes. the narration as we pan in on a rainy Dock Town is everything to me. she is my chance to romance Nick Valentine. i also really enjoy Emmrich's story arc - helping him grapple with his mortality (and bringing 'Fred back every time) is incredibly satisfying, and he is just so sweet and you can tell he cares so much about every member of your party. Davrin is a fantastic character and i feel so bad that Epler boiled the end-game decision down to "Harding or Assan?" it really does a disservice to Davrin and the growth he has over the course of the story, especially since he didn't die killing the archdemon at Weisshaupt. yeah, Assan is cute, but you gave me such a complex character and almost a foil to Emmrich. lean into it! give me a conversation between the two where they discuss their feelings on life and death. there was so much content missing there (and also i feel like Epler was a little racist about it but.........). also, Davrin is really hot for absolutely no reason at all, put ur titties away. i would romance you my next playthrough but i really have to sacrifice you instead of Harding at some point. these guys are my top three, i think. to the next few...

i feel like they worked really hard to differentiate Bellara from Merrill, and it worked 100%. she was distinct and her backstory/companion quest was heartbreaking. i know, i know, people mention they should have had Merrill instead of Bellara or Emmrich, but i like that our companions were all new travel partners. Bellara was a fresh pair of eyes and a new source of elven history (especially since i've never played as an elf in this series), and it was interesting to help her grapple with her side of the religious crisis that results from the whole elven-gods-attacking thing AND her brother being a pawn for someone on Solas's level. i also loved that she plays as a rogue while being a mage! having her staff be her "bow" was such a creative choice and it really tied her visual and character design together nicely.

Harding was such a sweet character in Inquisition, and of course i flirted with her as Inky, but i felt like the Titan storyline was a little weird for her. maybe if we had gotten a little more interaction with the Deep Roads (i know!! i don't want to go down there, either!!!) or Orzammar or Stalgard or something earlier on, i think it would've tightened it up, but it seems like this story would've better fit Dagna AS IS. they definitely didn't bring Sandal back because he's a harmful stereotype (love the guy, but a little cringe to think it's funny to have an "idiot savant" trope in 2024). instead, we were just immediately thrown into her internal conflict and then the external conflict. her companion questline wraps up so quickly! i loved having her in Veilguard and would've liked more with her. i know they were trying to keep world-state decisions fairly vague, but bring Dagna to the Lighthouse so we can workshop this whole dwarf magic thing. my girl would've been SO hype!! BUT! Harding's romance with Taash is absolutely adorable, the unsent letter she writes to her ma in the beginning makes me ugly cry every time, and while i HATE that end-game decision, i really feel like it wraps up her (and the Titans') storyline really well to send her back to the stone. if anything, she's "missing in action" - i don't think she's gone, as that whole Titan reveal was too big to just let go like that. it's not a decision i'm happy to make, but unfortunately, it just fits my canon. Taash's reaction was :(

speaking of - i absolutely loved Taash as a character and helping them explore their gender as a non-binary player AND character. it was genuine and raw. i know a lot of people have problems with the modern handling of sexuality and gender, especially since the Qunari characters throughout the series have given us language for this and other queer characters have danced around their identity, but that's kind of the whole point of Taash's character - they don't fit with the Qunari, just as they don't fit into a gender binary. coming out to your family isn't some pretty candlelit dinner where you wax poetic and talk in circles about your gender identity, it's an extremely vulnerable moment where sometimes you have to be straightforward. Dorian and Krem never outwardly discussed their labels because they came from a world where the labels were the main problem. however, my main gripe with Taash's character is they're literally non-binary, but i'm forced to make a binary decision over their cultural identity, either Rivaini or Qun. when you choose the Rivaini option, i guess it does discuss bringing both cultures together, but that's not how it's presented to you or how Shathann reacts to it. it's just happening by default because Taash is Qunari but they want to be Rivaini. there's very little nuance for Taash's character and storyline, which you could argue is part of their characterization, but at least let me show understanding to their mother during the coming out scene! they were also one of my other planned romances for my canon playthrough, for the direct tie to Isabela, but they just give off sibling vibes that are amplified by our gender convos. i love my lil dragon sib so much!!! we'll see what happens when i play a non-trans character, i guess!

.....to what may be my most unpopular opinion. i love Lucanis, don't get me wrong. he is a sweet cinnamon roll and while i've never romanced him, i know he's incredibly loved in the fandom. BUT. he's literally an Antivan Crow. it's not like we've never had a Crow in our party who gave us all the Crow lore about buying child slaves and killing them if they're not good at assassinations. i know he's supposed to be THE nepo-baby of the Crows, and he was locked in the Ossuary for a year, but he's just a little.........too squishy. i don't want to discuss how he handles the grief of Treviso being blighted, as that's all dependent on player choice, or the lackluster romance i've heard so much about, because it's clear there was just a lot of cut content there. my problem is truly more with the Crows as a whole than with Lucanis, since there are story reasons why he acts the way he does. i just think the writers did a lot of "telling" us about the changes with the Crows instead of "showing" us. Caterina was literally JUST in a DA book being incredibly evil and abusive - why is she a cool grandma now? what changed her mind? i want abrasive dialogue. i want Lucanis to hear what the others think about Crows and try to defend it, or to hear him stand up to Caterina. this is the one character that could have been bitchy based on the lore!! and they chose to completely declaw the First Talon. the Crows in general are the biggest break from the lore of the series, which is why i understand why fans feel like this was "written with HR in the room." hardened Lucanis should kill Illario, not throw him in jail. Illario was banging your biggest nemesis and almost ruined your city!!!! fucking KILL HIM!!!! also, Spite was a letdown after meeting Anders/Justice - again, completely declawed. i know possession is different for a non-mage, but it seems like the writers just cherry-picked where it would be funny to have the demon chime in and didn't want to lean into any tension, like with Davrin at the beginning. Anders literally blew up a chantry!!!! give Lucanis that same edge!!!! i honestly don't care that he was a sweetheart, but give me a good reason other than "the Crows have changed *shrug*." (if i'm missing anything from the books or other non-game media, please let me know!! but also they should make that lore more accessible to just game players) Zevran would've called Lucanis a little bitch too and i'm sorry to be the one to tell you that (he also would have flirted with him like CRAZY).

this would've been a great game to bring the rivalry mechanic back instead of the straight up "neutral -> friends" pipeline. let me romance hardened Lucanis or Neve as a rival! as a Qunari - let me push back on Taash's love of Rivaini culture! let me question Lucanis about the Crows' recruitment methods, ESPECIALLY as a Shadow Dragon!!! we get a fantastic codex entry of Dorian at a Magisterium meeting throwing DOWN with Bataris over slavery - let my character be just as passionate! i think it would've made more sense with the friend group dynamic, which i felt was closer to DA2 than any of the other games - a found family who ends up working together to solve everyone else's problems and eventually save the world. the writing is there, just not in my character's dialogue or companions' conversations. the stakes are a little higher in DATV, and Rook is positioned to be a sort of therapist character, which could explain the general "good vibes" of the gang, but i really wouldn't have minded some internal conflict outside of the Minrathous/Treviso decision. the biggest change was being required to recruit all companions AND they're stuck with you til the end, which i guess makes sense story-wise - i have always recruited and tried to keep all of my companions, so this wasn't a big problem for me, but it made the companions' stakes seem a little lower as they were almost forced to hang out with me and like me.

now. the Minrathous/Treviso decision. arguably the only big world state decision in the game. i think fans have gotten a little too attached to Lucanis as a character to think normally about this. there IS no right answer, which is why this decision is so hard. yes, Treviso is covered in blight and we have to mercy kill some Crows we were introduced to, but Dock Town (which is the part of Minrathous that gets attacked!! reminder!!!) is a poor area of Minrathous mostly protected by vigilantes, same as the Crows defending Treviso. the Archon's Palace isn't going to do shit, especially since the Archon was assassinated during the chaos of the dragon. saving Treviso gives the Venatori basically free reign over Dock Town, where people are already being abducted for blood magic rituals on the daily. it isn't supposed to be a mindless, easy decision!!! i was so sad the first time i saved Treviso and went back to Dock Town! it is literally covered with lynched bodies hanging from rafters. the fact that i get judged in FB groups and reddit threads for choosing Minrathous over Treviso, to the point where people say they can "tell everything about my character" based on that decision, is absolutely insane. i heard the same thing about whether you choose Dorian or Maevaris as Archon (a decision you DON'T GET TO MAKE if you save Treviso!!!!), which, again, is absolutely insane. that decision doesn't even have any impact on the world, at all. these are supposed to be incredibly nuanced, difficult decisions that you make either based on what you've learned throughout the series as a whole, just this game (with codex entries and NPC convos), or... your intentions to romance Lucanis. LAME. y'all are too horny for big world state decisions. also, everyone complains about Neve/Shadow Dragons blaming you for Minrathous getting fucked over.....yes, and the Crows/Lucanis do the exact same thing! i stopped randomly talking to NPCs in Treviso after that decision because they literally only wanted to bitch me out. i'm a Shadow Dragon! of course i'm going to go save my city! i got so much bonus Shadow Dragon dialogue but not a single "...but we get it, Rook, gotta save your peeps." i didn't even get any "understanding" dialogue except from Teia/Viago, who, as the de facto leaders of this faction for the game's purposes, should have been even angrier. it's nonstop until the very end of the game, it's the driving force behind the governor working with the Antaam so he just rubs it in, and even in the end slide, there's a slight dig at the fact Treviso is still blighted. i can tell most people who are doing multiple playthroughs aren't saving Minrathous at all solely based on their reactions to people who do - why replay if you're not even going to try to choose the other city?

this is already so much longer than any of the other reviews i've written so far - maybe because i'm actively playing through it?

to address the lore problem: i think that VG IS faithful to the lore, but the problem is the writers relied very heavily on codex entries from THROUGHOUT the series & the external material instead of what we actually saw, heard, and experienced during our journies through Thedas. it reminds me a lot of Fallout 4: it IS faithful to the lore, but it's missing the teeth and grit and the nuance that made it interesting. Northern Thedas is a whole new region for players and we've only ever heard rumors about it! Neve does address the issues with rumors of Tevinter (Taash asked if she was wealthy and Harding will usually have plenty of banter questions about what we heard during our time in Ferelden), but that's about all. it's also been a decade since the last installment - lean into it! what happened with Solas's army? he didn't just "decide he's not management material" - this guy's head is so far up his ass, he would've just been pretending he's NOT a manager while still bossing everyone around. we actually get to see Dorian come back to Tevinter and he's actively trying to make a change, which is where we left him in Trespasser after his father passed. he FEELS like he's grown and changed over the past decade, especially when i'm thinking about my inky and the conversations we had together, where the rest of the world has just stayed stagnant until someone tells us it's changed. Dorian's writing shows that change is possible to implement and explain well. they had plenty of opportunities to not retcon, but update the lore, and i feel like they missed their shot. as a poli sci & writing student, i can come up with eighty different geopolitical situations that would cause these areas to change within a decade with very little effort and without bringing in any of my world state choices from the previous three games (or, at least, keep them vague enough that it doesn't make a difference). i read every single codex entry i found on this playthrough and it made a HUGE difference - i've never read the codex entries in the past games, LOL.

the dark fantasy issue - i think people who critique DATV as not "dark" just sprint through the map and don't take the time to absorb the environmental storytelling, which is crazy because all of the other games have relied just as much on their environments. the Halla sacrifice at the Venatori gathering? gut-wrenching. if you don't save Minrathous? there are literally lynched Shadow Dragons in the streets. whoever you sacrifice for the distraction gets gored by Ghila'nain's tentacles!! i think the problem is in the last decade, random violence has become so normalized and accepted that we're not as appalled by it when it pops up in media. also, some of the stuff in Origins specifically that's called "dark" is just sexual assault and racism, which i'm fine with not having in a fantasy game in 2024.

onto the Solas of it all. i am not a Solavellan. i got along with him well enough in Inquistion, but after playing DATV and going BACK to DAI, i was PISSED. the writing for Solas between DAI -> Trespasser -> DATV is so consistent and well done that i felt every ounce of betrayal my characters did. do i think DATV was geared toward Solavellans once the game pivoted to single player? absolutely. was it disappointing? yes. did it add an extra layer to my anger/betrayal? yes. Solavellans get their own ending!! that's crazy!! my Inky DESERVED to get a punch in, at the very least. all of the other DAI players were just left in the dust, some only getting the stupid letter!! i get that due to eliminating most world state choices that they couldn't bring too many characters back, and Inky had to be as bland as possible, but like i ended up specifically romancing Dorian because i knew it would give me the tightest connection to DATV and it did pay off, but i was literally just licking up crumbs.

playing through this game the second time all the way through, Solas's dialogue is absolutely infuriating. i was sitting there flipping off my TV and shouting at him because you can see RIGHT through him once you know what's happening.

good lord. i finished the game finally after taking three days to write this and i am INCREDIBLY sore emotionally. that final act is just nonstop hit after hit to my heart. i cried from the moment i picked Harding to lead the distraction up until the very end. hearing Dorian breathlessly make sure his amatus is alright had me GONE - his voice actor is so talented. i'm literally doing a fem!inky playthrough for DAI to force myself not to romance him again. i think he's officially won out as my favorite character in the Dragon Age franchise after wrapping up Dock Town/picking him as Archon/act 3.

i know that they couldn't give inky any personality, but it really fucking sucked to hear him ask if Solas could be reasoned with. after everything you've been through, Aedan? absolutely the fuck not. leave that whiny bullshit to Lavellan, you're a goddamn Trevelyan and your husband is the Archon! we are going to beat the shit out of the egg and you're going to like it! i do wish he and Morrigan could've shown up to watch me fuck him over - i did the "reason" ending my first playthrough, but my first inky was friends with Solas and i never made it to the end of DAI so it really wasn't very satisfying at all.

the trick ending feels 100% correct in this playthrough - there's something so poetic about this angry, sarcastic abolitionist in love with the crime boss protector of their shared city pulling a fast one on an ancient elven mage (THE TRICKSTER GOD) who used blood magic to trick them into thinking their best friend (yes Varric is our best friend) is still alive when they were killed MONTHS ago. it felt right for my inky, for my Hawke, even for everything my HoF worked toward.

all in all, this game ranks second in my Dragon Age rankings, but it is a VERY slim win over Origins. this game improved upon a lot of mechanics i struggled with in Origins, which made up for spots where writing was weak in VG. i think DATV needed to: - fix the companions as a whole - throw some cut romance content back in PLEASE. i romanced Isabela in DA2, which is probably the most nothing burger of a romance in that game, but she and i still kissed more than Neve and i kissed!!! we are literally in a Fade castle with our romanceable companions for MONTHS at a time and we only kiss like twice?? absolutely insane. let me go to Neve's office and kiss her you cowards. give me the exposition dialogue options for my companions at the Lighthouse in general. let me chat to them about their factions or their side romances. let me ask Lucanis if he's a virgin like i could with Alistair. - get rid of specialization themes - not a gamebreaker, just an annoying and pointless mechanic. - give Inky their soul back - there were three choices for Inky: romance, Inquisition, and Solas. while i would've loved my Inky to talk about his romance, we don't need lines recorded for each specific one (and i technically did get some crumbs), but i would've loved to see my disbanded Inquisition/stopping Solas choices be more prominent in the dialogue. that would've been, what, four different sets of lines? it's not like Inky talks very much at all. if you're whittling my (in-universe) 15 years of choices over 3 different games down to just 3 choices that i made in one single game, make them actually carry weight in the narrative. i was foaming at the mouth to get Solas by the end of Trespasser, but Inky wasn't anymore, and i imagine after a decade of waiting that was a HUGE letdown for people who played DAI the way i did.

for my next playthrough, i'll be doing (primarily) elf mage - fem HoF, male Hawke, Lavellan (i have to Solavellan at least once i guess), and probably a transmasc Rook because i CAN

[sanktalucrezias]

Just finished Baldur's Gate 3...

Here's my thoughts:

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

PRELIMINARY INFO:

My character was a Tiefling Selunite Cleric & I romanced Shadowheart.

My 'main' party consisted of Karlach, Lae'zel, & Shadowheart. ( A win for the girls! )

By Act Three, I had acquired the secondary companions of Halsin, Jaheira, and Minsc.

I made the decision to become a mindflayer & my ending was that I go with Karlach to Avernus.

I completed every companions' quest sans Gale because he was sacrificed by Orin. Here are the choices I made concerning my companions in my playthrough:

Lae'zel: Freed her, Went to crèche, Did not give vlakkiith the orb, Sided with voss, Stole orphic hammer from raphael, Freed orpheus, She leaves w/ him

Shadowheart: Saved her on nautiloid, found nightsong, spared nightsong, sacrificed her parents

Astarion: Recruited him, Let him bite me, Did not romance so learned of scars later, Evaded Raphael, killed Cazador, & did not let him ascend

Wyll: Recruited him, Did not kill Karlach, attempted to bargain with Mizora, Saved Mizora from pod, Did not save Grand Duke, Wyll made a deal to go to Avernus & resurrect his dad

Karlach: Recruited Karlach, Got first upgrade, Destroyed Steel Watcher base & got a bunch of Infernal Iron, Dammon says no more upgrades so we killed Gortash, She goes back to Avernus ( w/ me! )

Gale: Rescued him, Gave him boots, Got Elminster, Did not use Netherese Orb, Visited Sorcerous Sundries, RIP Gale of Waterdeep

Halsin: Saved Halsin, Broke Shadow Curse, Rescued Thaniel

Jaheira: Saved Harper's, Defeated Ketheric Thorm, Found Minsc & Boo, Found her Family

Minsc: Rescued him & Boo

Anyways, I loved the game. It was beautiful & I loved all my companions as I played with all of them at least once in my party. I'm saddened to see that Shadowheart and my Tav didn't last, but it makes sense due to the final choice. I wish that I could have seen a post-credits scene with Shadowheart comforting/healing Astarion or Jaheira and Minsc looking out at Baldur's Gate again. I'm not sure what Halsin would do, but he'd do something. I'm happy that Karlach has company in the form of Wyll and I as she seems less miserable there. Wyll seems at peace with his choice to save his father. I cannot think of what Shadowheart would do. Maybe join up with Aylin & Isobel, worship Selune? Whatever. I probably will play again. My one regret is not getting that cute-ass owlbear. Darn Animal Handling skills.

[noddytheornithopod]

This week's episode of the Mandalorian was... really weird. And not in the fun way. The "episode ended and my primary feeling is complete and utter confusion" way. 

Not even sure where to start, because the episode felt really messy to me. I guess I'll try and go through it all from start to finish... assuming the episode's weirdness doesn't cause tangents.

Alright, so the intro was actually cool. The Mon Cala Quarren romance was kinda goofy and hard to take seriously, but I do like the idea behind it. The intro of Axe Woves and what those Mandos were up to was a cool set up. So cool, the episode is gonna be about Bo-Katan trying to get them back on their side again, right? It seems that way... but then Jack Black and Rizzo show up and the whole episode goes on a massive tangent. I know The Mandalorian often does the whole side quest thing, but either I'm getting tired of it, or the messiness of this season's overarching story meant I have even less patience for it, teasing the interesting conflict relevant to the big picture only to divert elsewhere. 

Also... Jack Black and Rizzo, wasn't a fan. Between this and getting Christopher Lloyd, it's like Favreau had the idea for the main conflict but it didn't fill up enough pages so he filled the middle, now majority, with celebrity cameos to compensate. I don't usually mind goofy characters, but IDK here it felt so paper thin, and it doesn't help that I couldn't really tell what they were trying to do with that part of the story.

So like... okay, this planet is allegedly a direct democracy. It kinda looks idealised and utopian with the scenery and set design, but the characters are goofy in a way it feels like it was trying to mock them? The whole "we're a direct democracy but we're also monarchs" thing is so confusing to me. Like... I feel like it's trying to say something, but I don't know what? Are they trying to say direct democracy is utopian and unrealistic, typical liberal "communism is unrealistic" shit?

Thing is, episode didn't really seem to be about that. If it was my salty libcom ass wouldn't be amused but at least it would've been coherent. Instead we're focusing on malfunctioning droids or something.

So like, I'm expecting some twist to this. They investigate and meet the ugnaughts. They look more proletarian to the opulence of the main city, so I was like "oh so is this like a slave/exploited workforce?" ...apparently not! The ugnaughts are chill, and the droid problem is something else. Din talking to them based on experience was cool at least?

So the runaway B2 and the droid bar being called "The Resistor" got me thinking... is this like a droid uprising thing? The droids aren't actually malfunctioning and they're instead demanding equal rights while the organics live like bougies? Also apparently not! The droids are chill and are apparently just concerned about why some of them are going crazy. This seemed like it might've been this suppposedly utopian society having to reckon with the automation they use being sentient, but nope!

At least seeing Din's old prejudices was something, like he still has to actively make an effort to not be a dick to droids, IG-11 was just one droid, and these weren't any droids, but Separatist droids.

Okay so the culprit is... Christopher Lloyd, who's apparently an old Separatist who sees Dooku as some visionary and wants revolution or something? Honestly, this was so rushed and underdeveloped I'm not even sure I fully understand what happened. So it seems like his motives were because the Duchess  married the Duke of this planet who was ex-Imperial but reformed through the Amnesty program. Not a bad concept at least, but with all the other shit going on it doesn't feel as developed as it should be? 

Oh yeah, Grogu is also there and Lizzo loves him. Remind me why we were in such a hurry to reunite him and Din in a DIFFERENT SHOW again? He better have a major moment in the finale or I'm calling bullshit on the decisions made for Book of Boba Fett.

Din feels like just a sidekick but at least the droid stuff TRIED to do something with him. With the big picture stuff though he doesn't have much presence.

Bo-Katan and Axe Woves facing off was cool I guess, oh yeah finally back to the story I actually wanted to see. Bo even repeated the declaration Maul did in the Clone Wars. Guess it works for taking control of any Mando group?

Bo beats Axe, even as Axe says if she wants to lead so much she should fight Din. But then Din makes this loophole that because he was captured by the creepy cyborg on Mandalore and Bo-Katan then defeated it and was even using the darksabre to do it, she can now take it? IDK, I just find it funny that a ridiculous logic train fans went down ended up becoming a real loophole Din used to make everyone convinced Bo-Katan could now wield the sabre. 

Honestly, the most interesting part of that scene was that Axe is apparently a Mando blood supremacist, lol. Taking off helmets is for dumb religious zealots, but racial purity good, only those born from Mandalorian families are Mandalorian! Not a bad idea, but it kinda feels like nobody is really challenging these traditions. Din gets welcomed back into helmet gang. Axe accepts Bo because she actually gets the darksabre. They're still finding ways to follow their traditions instead of genuinely evolving.

At least Bo-Katan felt like she was finally doing shit again instead of being all sowwy Awmower I will keep my hewmet on. We still got here in a messy way but oh well. Din I guess contributed to the conflict resolution at least?

So yeah... very confused episode. Has a neat base idea, but instead of actually making an effort to explore that core to the fullest, we go on some weird tangent that feels poorly thought out thematically and is being covered with celebrity guest stars.

Anyway, Rick Famuyiwa better deliver on these last two episodes, because this might be the first time I'm actually starting to feel worried about a Star Wars project's story trajectory. At least Rise of Skywalker knew what it wanted to do even if it had issues getting there. Dave Filoni is also co-writing next week, so IDK either we get some deep cut lore or backstory or we finally see the anticipated Sabine Wren join the Mandos fighting to take back Mandalore (and knowing Filoni Ahsoka will be there too lol). Anyway, these last two episodes... you have a lot to live up to, PLEASE stick the landing.

At least I have Bad Batch to watch even if they still need to fix their goddamn whitewashing issue, but at least that story is pretty good and... oh, yeah, no more Bad Batch until at minimum next year. This is all the Star Wars airing now. Fuck.

[jazzmckay]

today, i finished playing dragon age: origins for the very first time :> it turns out, ive played this series completely in reverse! i did try dao years ago before i picked up dai, but it kept crashing my computer and i gave up. and now, finally... all this time later... i got to play it!

my warden: yenna tabris

she's a rogue, and i did archery more than 2-handed, but dabbled plenty in both. had a good time with the combat style. i romanced zevran. i already loved him based on other game appearances, fanfic etc. but i fell even more in love with him. my main party was alistair, zevran, and wynne, or shale, zevran, and wynne. i really enjoyed getting to know all the companions properly, though, and wish i could have switched it up more. i simply cannot survive without wynne's heals and have a hard time keeping my warriors on their feet, other than shale. ah well

i'm officially on team loghain as a problematic fave. a BUNCH of characters really surprised me with how much i got into them. anora i did expect to enjoy, but not get feral over. i understand morrigan a lot better now. i liked wynne more than i expected to. and oghren stole the damn show. oghren defense squad. this series has so many fascinating, complex characters.

summary of my choices

killed that prick vaughan. city elf origin is brutal and set a whole tone for yenna being perfectly prepared to solve problems with violence when she thinks the situation calls for it

went to redcliffe first, post-lothering. i let jowan use isolde's blood to save connor. if i'd known there wasn't an invisible time limit, i would have gone to the circle so no one had to die, but it seemed like a situation better resolved fast. in my defense, i've played the first two fallout games, which have time-based game overs and i got my whole crew killed in my first mass effect 2 playthrough because i didn't go into the endgame fast enough. i have video game trauma around hidden time limits, okay? that said, i don't regret my choice. i got to play as morrigan confronting the demon in the fade, and it created interesting tension with alistair

circle tower next. sided with the mages, if it can really be called that. it didn't feel like much of a big, dichotomous decision to me, just doing the best that can be done for everyone. zevran's nightmare made me want to hug him. i am one of those weird fade-enjoyers, for the record. i liked it the first time around, as this was the only post-lothering main quest i got to, and i liked it even more on round two

the dalish! very interesting area and storyline. i got lost and confused a lot during this part but i still had a good time, even when it felt like i was running back and forth and in circles sometimes. i got the "best" ending of curse lifted, everyone else alive. it was a really lovely, bittersweet story. the lady of the forest is hot. would

orzammar was also a very cool area. it felt so big. i sided with bhelen while feeling like i didnt know nearly enough about either king candidates to be making such a huge decision. he's a character i expected to not like based on what i've heard though and ended up liking him just fine. we'll see if that changes when i try the dwarf noble origin. i destroyed the anvil of the void. branka is a really fascinating character; i might end up writing meta about her if i can gather the spoons

everything in denerim once you gather for the landsmeet is SO FUN. sometimes fucked up, but that's all good with me. rescue mission for anora while not knowing if she can be trusted yet... getting tossed in a cell with alistair, both of us in only our underwear, smh. zevran and wynne to the rescue! i plan to reload a save and go over more of the combos for who can rescue you, theyre so good. and then everything in the alienage... as if the origin isn't bad enough. when will the denerim alienage catch a damn break? this was one of the points of the game when yenna was at her angriest. her temper has a short fuse normally, and on that day, it had no fuse at all

and the landsmeet. i admit i had to make the choice to reload after my first try. i was trying to make choices my character would make, even if they have consequences, and enjoy whichever story i got, but the first time around, my impulse decision-making led to the worst ending for alistair which i find way too tragic and upsetting. couldn't let that stand. original choices were: yenna 1v1'd loghain -> yenna accepted loghain's surrender and agreed to making him a warden -> alistair, who wasn't hardened, refused to stay with the wardens or marry anora -> yenna chose solo queen anora over solo king alistair -> alistair had to leave. ouch! second time around, i did execute loghain, so alistair and anora married, even if he was Not happy about it

i have soooo many feelings about all the possible outcomes and how it impacts the relationship between the warden, alistair, anora, and loghain. i couldn't go with alistair's life being ruined but so many of the other options are incredibly full of angsty tension and interesting dynamics

i had morrigan and alistair make a god baby. at this point, yenna is feeling pretty fucking bad about asking SO much of alistair

the ending of the game is actually incredible. getting to have pre-battle moments with all the companions, getting at least one section of the WHOLE party fighting side by side, amazing. this is something i find lacking in dai. both dao and da2 reward you for recruiting everyone, keeping everyone, and making additional allies for the final fight, and i adore that. i wish i could have had a full-party moment in dai too. the whole battle was intense and fun, and satisfying. great build up and payoff. its hard to stick a good landing in video games like this, and dao has one of the best, i think! on par with mass effect 2, which i think had the best final fight of that trilogy. oghren's pre-battle "goodbye" made me tear up

alistair made yenna chancellor which i was not expecting! it's fun to imagine her, alistair, and anora trying to get along in discussions :3 ultimately, though, yenna said she would focus on driving the darkspawn back entirely. she didn't choose this life, and didn't appreciate it for a good while, but she managed to do what it takes, and she did not go through all that just for pockets of darkspawn to keep being trouble. but zevran will be with her the whole way :D

i had a rly good time with it! faced some crashes and instability at first, but it seemed to stop entirely after a certain point, possibly when i turned the settings down, so it wasn't too bad. im so happy i got to play this, and im looking forward to the awakening dlc! <3

bonus, from liveblogging to friends on discord, re: oghren:

[annalyticall]

Thoughts on Mass Effect 2

This will be a longer review than my thoughts on Mass Effect 1 as there is about twice as much content to discuss. I'm going to compare this game to Dragon Age 2 a lot since they are both Bioware sequels and relative black sheep of their respective franchises.

I played again as Shiv Shepard; colonist, sole survivor, sentinel, and Paragon. While I had played Shepard with survivor's guilt in ME1, starting this game with her dying and being brought back to life changed how I played her; instead of feeling guilty for living, she was angry as hell for being raised from the dead. While I still ended up being a maxed-out Paragon since most people I interacted with were not Cerberus, I earned more renegade points than I had last game as I took any and all opportunities to sabotage Cerberus and piss off the Illusive Man.

(I had some more fun with photo mode)

Major decisions include: talking Garrus out of revenge, pardoning Tali without evidence, convincing Mordin to keep the cure data, reuniting Thane with his son, helping Samara kill Morinth, and rewriting the heretic geth. I made Tali my tech specialist, Garrus my ground forces specialist, Mordin the crew escort, Samara my biotic barrier specialist, and Miranda and Jack my final squadmates. I completed everyone's loyalty missions and no one died. I blew up the base and told the Illusive Man I will not work with him. I romanced no one (but did confess feelings for Samara) which still kept my prior relationship with Kaidan active.

My list of pros and cons and thoughts on the companions and DLCs below.

The Good

Varied Content. Besides there just being way more content than in the previous game, the side missions no longer felt like a copy-and-paste slog. Even the random missions picked up from probing were different from each other, as some were rescue missions and some were recovery missions and some were "take back the base" missions, and, while not all of them were particularly exciting, they were not actively annoying either.

Character Driven vs Plot Driven. When I think about it, I think one of my major gripes with ME1 was that the plot drove everything and the characters came second to the story. ME2 reverses this concept and puts the two-fold cast of characters front and center; the whole game revolves around recruitment and loyalty. While preference is subjective, I believe stories that focus more on character than on plot are usually more enjoyable, and I definitely enjoyed this game in that regard. It made the finale way more intense and high stakes when the stakes are losing characters you've spent the last dozen hours with.

Resource Management. One of the major improvements of ME2 compared to ME1 is the streamlined way gear and guns are handled. They were removed completely from an inventory system which saved a lot of time. I missed my unlimited ammo, however, refilling on ammo was relatively easy and wasn't too much of a hindrance.

The Normandy. The Normandy of ME1 didn't actually have much of a nostalgic impact on me. Playing the Normandy crash site mission was sad, sure, but I ultimately didn't much care for the ship itself. The Normandy of ME2 impacted me much more, and I think that's for a few reasons: First, each room is associated with a particular character, which gives the room itself that character's personality. Second, EDI acts as the voice of the ship, giving it a personality of its own. Third, the NPCs that populate the common areas and their timely conversations add a little more to the believability that this is a real crew. Last, Shepard's customizable room gives the player a chance to make their own impact on the Normandy, as I collected spaceships and pets and changed the ambient music and collected trophies. All of that together made the Normandy feel like home, one that I would definitely hate to lose.

Map UI. One of my biggest points of frustration in ME1 was that I would have to remember what star cluster and system each quest was on as I navigated the map, requiring me to often cancel out of the map and double-check the log. I was happy that ME2 rectified this by melding the journal and map features while navigating.

Conflict. I'm glad this game wasn't more of the same "we could have handled this problem if not for all this red tape bullshit" from the first game. True, that's still a common theme, but for the most part working with Cerberus bypasses all of that and allows for more interesting conflicts to be explored. It was also nice for me to explore what my Shepard would be like if not entirely reigned in by her need to uphold an honorable public image as an influential human to the council, which had guided a lot of my decisions in ME1.

Probing Minigame. This is probably just me, but I liked the minigame to probe for resources. It was more involved than in ME1 where all you did was press a button, and it allows you to pick and choose what resources you wanted to get from it. Also, the minigame itself kinda induced a zen state for me.

The Bad

Repetitive Combat. This might just be because I play Sentinel, but I was quickly getting tired of the "take cover and poke out every few seconds to shoot or overload shields" mechanic. In ME1, I was able to pop on a barrier and run and gun for a while and get creative with the abilities I had to make combos. The higher cooldown times and lower shield capacities in this game meant I was basically sidelined the entire game and couldn't find another viable playstyle even after I upgraded those abilities.

Initiating Romance. I was already on the fence about starting another romance since I had a previous relationship with Kaidan, but the romance dialogue options did not encourage me. This is one way ME2 is similar to DA2, in that both have weirdly horny options for starting the flirt dialogue that I don't want to choose even if I am interested in that character. Example: the first line you have to initiate a romance with Garrus is to suggest sleeping together, this after he has voiced basically no romantic interest in you up to this point. It would have been so out of character for my Shepard to say that even if she did like Garrus that way, especially given the power imbalance. In ME1, Kaidan and Liara both flirted with me first; I could judge what I liked and didn't like from the things they said, and from there could either encourage or discourage them from flirting after that. While I have my problems with ME1's romance system too, I like the rapport this approach to romance builds. Hell, even in DA2 Anders and Isabela flirt with you first. Sorry, but I appreciate a good slow burn, and if I can't gauge the vibes of what a romance is going to be like before more serious flirting, I can't commit to those options.

Hacking Minigames. I don't think I minded the minigame in ME1 because it was relatively short if you were good at it, and I was able to breeze past most of them in under 5 seconds. The two main minigames in ME2 are more time-consuming and get boring very quickly.

Betrayal Yes We've All Seen It. Seriously, after a few loyalty missions I was able to almost perfectly predict what the end of any given mission would be. Miranda trusts her friend to keep her sister safe? The friend is going to betray her. Jacob wants to find his missing father? His father is no longer the man he once knew. Tali wants to find evidence of her father's innocence? Her father is actually guilty. Mordin wants to rescue his old student from the krogans? His student is actually working for the krogans. Garrus and Zaeed already start out betrayed and are just seeking revenge. If it isn't betrayal, it's some kind of parental/child conflict, see: Miranda, Jacob, Tali, Samara, Thane, and arguably Grunt. I maybe wouldn't mind it so much if betrayal and parental relationships were the main themes of the overarching story but they were not, making the loyalty missions feel oddly detached from the rest of the story despite taking up so much time and being some of the most enjoyable parts of the game.

Pacing. I'm glad I was given a heads-up to complete all loyalty missions before the IFF mission because I don't think I would have saved everyone if I hadn't. Once the IFF is installed, the story rushes to the end at break-neck speed (or at least if you care about the fate of your crew it does). It doesn't give me a whole lot of time to get to know Legion or to progress relationships with the later-recruited characters.

Conflicting Morality. Sometimes the Paragon options were sympathetic to Cerberus, sometimes they were staunchly opposed to Cerberus. Sometimes the Paragon options were for rewriting the geth, and sometimes they were opposed to rewriting the geth. Thankfully, I didn't care about accidentally racking up a few renegade points this time around, but it was frustrating when the game couldn't agree on its own moral lines.

The DLC

Liar of the Shadow Broker. This was the best DLC for me. Not only did I enjoy the fight against Vasir (although I could tell, again, that Vasir was going to betray me well ahead of time) but I also liked Liara's arc as you can see her slowly accepting a darker path into becoming the new shadow broker. That's not to say she's morally corrupt, but I can definitely see her character potentially turning into something darker in ME3 now in her position. I also liked the final talk with her in Shepard's room - she was sympathetic about the Kaidan situation and I got to discuss how frustrated I was working with Cerberus. Overall, it got me to care about Liara much more than ME1 did. It was definitely worth the time.

Arrival. From my favorite DLC to my least favorite, I HATED this DLC. For one, I didn't even know it was going to be a DLC when I started it, so it was kind of a rude surprise when the mission I thought would take 10 minutes turned into an hour. What I hated most about it was that it was so stupidly high stakes for a DLC that is not related to the main story at all. You're telling me I have to crash an asteroid into a relay and kill 300K people in order to save all of humanity but somehow this isn't the game's finale? Not to mention I didn't have a choice at all. The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Project Overlord. Speaking of bad taste in my mouth, this left a bad taste too but for other reasons. At first, I really liked it, since it was spooky and was giving me Alien vibes with how suspense some sections were. Once I got to the end, however, I was horrified by the way an autistic character was treated. I'm glad he was viewed in a sympathetic light and I was given the chance to rescue him and punish his abusive brother but it still didn't feel like enough to justify including it or the potential decision to continue his torture.

The Squad

Tali. Tali my beloved. For reference, I am going to list these characters in relative order of how much I like them, and Tali is top tier for me. I would, again, romance her if I could. I think what I like most about her is that she's sweet but she also recognizes her worth and stands up for herself when she needs to ("if they don't like it they can go to hell") and I adore that about her.

Garrus. I love Garrus, and again, I used him most out of any other squadmate because I like hearing his commentary the most. That said, I think I still only view him as a close brother figure since he really gave me no reason to think he was romantically interested in me outside of the fact that I knew he was a romance option. Also, buddy, please stay behind cover, you're getting shot.

Mordin. I know he's basically if Sheldon Cooper was a war criminal and also funny, but I love Professor War Crimes. He may justify doing some fucked up shit for "the greater good" but you can also see that he cares deeply about people on a personal level, and when those two beliefs conflict it makes for the basis of a very intriguing character arc. I can't wait to see it through.

Samara. I love her, she's got such an interesting stance on justice and morality. Like Mordin, I think she kills for the "greater good" but also struggles with her duties on a personal level. She's the only one I tried to romance but I quickly backed down when pushing her too much felt disrespectful of her and her code.

Kasumi. Kasumi's loyalty mission was one of my favorites because it was just... different. No big betrayal, no tense relationship with a parent. It was a clean heist story with a side of tragic romance. I like her a lot, but unfortunately, being a DLC character, she wasn't fleshed out very much after her mission.

Legion. I wish I had more time to spend with Legion, but what time I did have with them was very interesting. They provided some new insight into the geth and gave Tali some conflict as well. Their loyalty mission was also one of the ones I spent the most time thinking about since I'm sure it will have major repercussions. My favorite moment was when I asked them why they were wearing my old armor, to which they said they did not know, suggesting that they do, in fact, have an individual desire and sentimentality that is too complex for them to comprehend outside of their programming, at least at the moment.

Thane. I liked his dedication to giving his son a better life before he dies. He had to grow on me, but over the course of talking to him about his history and late wife, I grew fond of him. I definitely wouldn't want to romance him though.

Grunt. I liked Grunt enough, especially at Tuchunka. Like Wrex, I didn't bring him around a lot simply because I didn't have a great reason for doing so.

Jacob. Like Kaidan, I had heard people thought Jacob was boring, and, like Kaidan, I was ready to approach his character with an open mind and defend him from that allegation. But no, he's boring. I liked him a lot more in the beginning when he had a similar conflict to my Shepard about being ex-Alliance and working with Cerberus. Unfortunately, that doesn't really go anywhere and his loyalty mission has nothing to do with it. Sorry, Jacob, I gave you a chance.

Miranda. I really did not like Miranda in the beginning. I would often bring her to missions related to Cerberus just to show her how awful they could be, but she seemed stubborn in believing all bad cases were just hedge cases - exceptions to the rule. Girl, how many exceptions can you make until it is a rule? I purposefully brought her and Jack to the end mission because I had a feeling I could betray Cerberus at some point and I wanted to see their reactions to it. Thankfully, she pulled through at the end and saw the light lol.

Jack. Jack is very hard for me to like, even after her loyalty mission. I definitely feel sympathy for her, and I want her to be able to trust me, but her edgelord personality was laid on a little too thick for me to take seriously sometimes. I don't mind brooding "too badass to care" characters, hell I like Shadow the Hedgehog, but when the character says things like "I like to kill and I like being badass and look at my tats I'm too hardcore for you pussy" I just have to roll my eyes. She felt like if a middle schooler wrote what they think a cool dark character would act like.

Zaeed. I hate Zaeed. I think it's mostly because I don't really give a shit about his 20-year-revenge-plot and was much more annoyed that he expected me to let innocents die for it. I saved the workers and was still able to gain his loyalty with a paragon speech check, but after that mission I never bothered to talk to him again since I wasn't interested in his stories anyways lol. Definitely a character I don't mind being a DLC companion.

Miscellaneous. I liked Joker a lot more in this game and appreciated the brief time I could play as him, it felt very tense. EDI was fun to have around too. Kelly kind of creeped me out sometimes, and gave me "but I'm an empath" vibes, but I appreciated her role too. Kaidan frustrated the hell out of me but after his pseudo-apology email I'm willing to give him another chance. Anderson was cool, though he didn't have much to say. It was good to reunite with Wrex too.

Overall, this game was much more enjoyable than ME1, though I still wouldn't say I like it better than Dragon Age yet. We'll see how ME3 holds up.

Overall Score: 7.5/10

[taardisblue]

this is a whole week late, or near enough, but i just finished killing eve and my god do i have thoughts. mostly though, i think i’m annoyed about what could have been?

a tragedy ending was always in the cards for killing eve, that’s not what i’m surprised or annoyed about in and of itself; my problem is that the core of this show is them, and so a tragic ending should have been about them and, mostly? by them. the entire point of that kind of arc would have been if it had been their own doing.

and so, without further ado, and due to the fact that i am never going to have the patience to sit down and write the 200k fic this should be, here’s how i think a tragic ending could have worked for them. spoiler alert, all my problems start with season 3, which is... arguably not that surprising. also spoiler alert, it is, once again, all about parallels and mirroring and role reversal, because that’s how my brain works

season 1: nothing needs to change; we start off with Eve, relatively normal, with a darker side and interests that she’s never let herself acknowledge, coming into conflict with villanelle, who literally represents everything she’s ever found interesting. the dynamic we all fell in love with starts. eve stabs V, because that’s romance babey

season 2: the arc stays, really; eve has a momentary freak out, and desperately tries to go back to “normal”. it doesn’t work in the least. her progressive acceptance of that, the way she and v start working together again, are all built throughout the season, until it culminates in the finale. conversely, villanelle slowly starts thinking that maybe, just maybe.... she could be something else.

so. season 2 finale. eve, who has been rapidly spiraling into darker and darker decisions, has just murdered a dude with an axe. as much as i adore the closing of season 2 (it’s the parallels ok), consider an ending where eve has worked up to this sufficiently across the season that she doesn’t freak out in quite the same way, and doesn’t turn her back on villanelle quite so intensely. i’m not saying she’s hyped about alaska, but she doesn’t end up with a bullet in her back.

and that takes us to season three; a version where they decide to work together on this quest against the Twelve. it starts off shaky and complicated, but between V being absolutely smitten with eve’s descent into hell and the fact that eve is now persuaded there is nothing left for her in “normal” life, i think these two could find themselves on a world-spanning rampage after members of the Twelve relatively quickly. see the softer energy of the s4 finale? this vibe, except they are also killing people together

until

until eve starts going deeper. until she starts sleeping less, eating less; until this quest starts consuming her (because we know the Twelve aren’t that simple to kill, and that would have been a great way to showcase them as truly formidable, virtually endless). until even V starts being like “.....so maybe you’re taking this a bit far”. until villanelle starts being unsettled by eve’s approach to this. until eve starts enjoying it to the point where villanelle is worried. couple that with villanelle’s progressive realization from the last season that maybe, hey, killing isn’t actually what she wants to do, and she’d like to try her hand at that “normal” thing that eve has now completely rejected

and it closes in disaster, because of course it does. maybe eve betrays villanelle, or seems to, in a quest for information or a chance at a shot against the leads of the Twelve. maybe villanelle ends up getting in touch with carolyn, because she can see the path eve is on, and she is starting to freak out about it. the point is, it reaches a breaking point, in some beautiful, miscommunication-based, perceived double betrayal, and it ends with eve grinning at villanelle, because, what, doesn’t she like what she made of eve?

AND THAT’S HOW WE COME TO A SEASON FOUR THAT IS ALL ABOUT ROLE REVERSAL BABEY; also known as “Eve has gone rogue, and Villanelle is now hunting her down”

consider: their dynamic goes back to a twisted, reversed mirror of their dynamic in season 1; back to outwardly antagonistic, with that neverending current of fascination, but with the added factor of the two of them having spent an entire season in a relationship. they know each other now. they made each other into what they are. the season is built around them, and of course, of course, it ends the only way it ever could have ended: just the two of them.

it wouldn’t even need to end as a tragedy, but it could; a tragic ending would mean completing Eve’s arc, letting her push it to its conclusion. her realizing that the only way to really get to villanelle is through herself. making the decision that would end with them both in flames, or with blades in each other’s backs, or whatever other way–– the point would have been that it would have been a descent of their own making, their own decisions over the span of four seasons shaping them and changing them and mirroring them, until it ends the only way it ever could have

TLDR: IT’S ABOUT THE MIRRORING GUYS COME ON

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Alright because clearly I haven't spammed my blog with enough posts about the Mandalorian, here are my thoughts written out.

The finale has left me very conflicted. The simple fact of the matter is there won't be a resolution to this confliction until after Season 3 premiers and I see what they're doing with it from here. It's in a very raw and tentative spot for me, because it could very easily go bad from where they left it, but upon further-further thought, I've moved beyond being largely disappointed and into more of a "I hope to God they do it right" stage.

Initially, I was thrilled with the episode. I, being mostly distant from Star Wars minus the original 6 movies (which I'm by no means obsessed with) and this show, absolutely did not call that Luke would show up--or R2, lol. Grogu's tender touch of Din's helmet, asking to see his face? Destroyed me. It was a very cathartic ending and an emotional wrecking-ball. But even in my temporary euphoria, I remember being confused as to why we didn't get to see the moment when Din and Grogu were reunited.

Then I thought about it some more, and I became...much less pleased. Why didn't Din ask to go with Grogu and Luke (or at least ask where they're going)? Why did he voluntarily give him up so easily? Why did he take off his mask in front of a room full of people and a literal stranger, thus seemingly turning away from a tenet of his Creed? I was frustrated that the narrative allowed these things to happen when the issues could have easily been avoided by having a reunion scene with Grogu and Din alone before going back to the main room and by adding a couple lines of dialogue. This left me worried that Grogu's story was over, that Din was no longer going to follow the religion he has thus far steadfastly adhered to, and that the next season would be spent having him become the reluctant ruler of Mandalore (another man-becomes-leader-against-his-will story when literally all he wanted, as he stated several times, was to save his son. And he just lost him). I felt that the show used fanservice to cover over the fact that they simply didn't have a narratively satisfying ending.

Looking at it again, not all of my issues are resolved, but I understand a bit more of why they did what they did with the story arc. In all honesty, for as much as I treasure the father-son bond between Din and Grogu, the whole plot of the show thus far has revolved around Din finding a Jedi to give Grogu to. Without that "transaction" actually occuring, the previous two seasons would have felt largely pointless. (Well, isn't the real point of the series about Din learning that Grogu is his son and that he doesn't have to give him up?) That's what I'd thought, but really, if that was the plot of the show, it should have ended after season two (with some changes to the ending). Din should've kept Grogu, and that final moment of "No, he's my kid, and he's staying with me," wouldn't leave anywhere else for things to really go, so the show could end with the "dawn of a new day" feeling of potential (where will they go from here?) and that would be curtains. It would work wonderfully as an ending, and I would have been happy with it, but we have another season (which I'm happy about). This means that the plot has to continue to move forward, and that also means honoring the plot that you've already set in motion.

Additionally, I'd like to emphasize what I've seen some people write about: ultimately, it was Grogu's choice to leave. Din refusing to let him go would be acting counter to all of what he had been trying to do--he was bound by Creed to deliver the child to one of his own kind, and that is what he did. Not only would Din refusing to let Grogu go ruin the trust they had established by denying him his choice, and also effectively invalidate the sacrifices he made on his journey (although he learned to see Grogu as his son, many of the sacrifices he made came as a direct result of attempting to fulfil his quest to deliver him to the Jedi, so refusing to do so would render those sacrifices useless to some degree), refusing to let Grogu go would also mean Din would be turning his back on his Creed. He delivered Grogu safely, and let him choose (as he chose on the Seeing Stone) to go with the Jedi.

And if Din were to go with them, there wouldn't really be much for him to do besides...stand around and watch? That's all he did when Ahsoka was working with Grogu--and that wouldn't leave any room for him to grow (nor make for an interesting show). He himself has expressed that he can't train Grogu and has always treated the situation as one that he can't participate in once he gives Grogu to the Jedi. Although they are ancient enemies, so it makes sense why he wouldn't want to just...hang around, I think it has more to do with the fact that in mentorship, you need to see your teacher as a parental figure, in a way (including in Jedi training--take Anakin and Obi Wan, for example). Din wouldn't want to be a distraction, nor would he fit in in that environment. His life wasn't nearly as fulfilling before Grogu came into it, but really, from both a character and a writing perspective, the only realistic choice is for them to part ways.

Also, it is a little short-sighted to assume that the show is only as good as the Din-Grogu bond is. We now have an opportunity to get closer to Din as an individual, which could be interesting, if they keep his character consistent. I think it would be a huge mistake not to bring Grogu back (preferably next season--maybe Ahsoka is right and he isn't good for training since he is too attached to Din? Luke delivers him at one of Din's lowest moments and we get a joyful reunion?? I would take that), but I don't think it's out of line to try to explore Din's character apart from Grogu.

In fact, it might ultimately be better. If the show can prove to us that we're not just there for the bond, but for the characters and their bonds, that's infinitely superior. And the show does need to avoid getting locked into just one thing. In branching out, it's trying to establish a stronger base for what it should build on later. It also keeps things varied, which makes them interesting.

The trouble is, where they go from here is what will determine a lot of the validity in that last statement. Changing the story entirely is a big risk, but that means the characters need to stay the same, at least largely, so that the audience feels that they are watching the same show. And some of the decisions made in the finale can go either way. When Din takes off his helmet, is he honoring his son's request, but thus putting love or emotion above his faith? Is he following his Creed by protecting his child (albeit only emotionally)? Is he turning away from his faith altogether and returning to the broken, lonely man he was before, but now without his Creed to guide him? Is he proving Bo-Katan right? Does he consider those he's with to be family (as they all just saved his child), including the Jedi stranger (because Din is giving Grogu to him, trusting him to mentor him and act as his parental figure), thus allowing him to remove his helmet by Creed? Did he not think of these things at all, and simply acted because his son is precious to him? Really, what does that decision mean for Din's character? The answer ultimately won't be known until next season. The same goes for the plot about the Darksaber. Will this end up being another reluctant-hero story (with the traits of the protagonist being reworked to fit into it), or will this be a refreshing subversion of the trope? We can't know until next year. (And don't even get me started on the "foreshadowing of Grogu as evil" stuff. We had better not see that. I don't need that angst...)

The largest source of my anxiety comes from not being able to imagine how they can work with the show from here to maintain the primary aspects of why I love it. I don't want any romance (but without Grogu, will they feel compelled to add some in?) and I don't want Din to become a typical tropey figure (but with the plot about the Darksaber being set up as it is, will they have the guts to avoid that?). Most of all, I want Din to get his son back, but to walk back that decision after only an episode or two would again make everything that came before seem rather unnecessary.

In summary, then, after oscillating wildly between conflicting emotions, I am just left to say: I can't figure out how they're going to do it, but ultimately, time spent worrying is time wasted. I have to just trust that they've got some ideas. The people in charge have proven that they know what they're doing before (Chapter 15 was excellent, for example) and although they aren't perfect, it would be premature to say it can only go downhill from here--they may well have a larger arc planned out that this proves to be an essential part of. It may well be horrible. It could be great. But for now, let's just make the most of what we have.

[solacefruit]

Not an ask from the ask game - but do you mind explaining how you came up with some of your worldbuilding for MAMS?

- The Elders arranging pairings for genetic fitness

- the winds

- Housekeeper names

And which piece of worldbuilding has you feeling the most of that 'smug these things fit together in a logical and intriguing way I haven't seen much of elsewhere' feeling?

Hello there! I don’t mind explaining the thought process behind these, so sure, I’m happy to chat a bit about these world-building features. This will all go under a readmore as usual, so answers below!

The elders’ role.

It’s my opinion that elders would be highly valued in every clan, although their specific duties and cultural role might vary. Even before I started writing fanfiction for Warriors I always intended to give elders significant political and cultural weight, and I had a collection of little thoughts about how that might look like. For many years, one of the things I knew Windclan elders did was essentially host a micro-democratic system--i.e., they would vote on issues after a long debate, so as to give each cat an equal voice in the final decision. 

Some elements of Windclan life are decided exclusively by the elders in this way, and the arrangements are one of those elements. The arrangements came out of two thoughts for me: the first being that Wind (the founder) is a mother and a leader simultaneously, which I felt set a precedent for Windclan to allow mollies to have litters and hold power; and the second being the canon visitors to Windclan, whose purpose there was very unclear and honestly not really plasuible to me. In canon, they just come chill for a while and there’s not really any benefit to Windclan allowing them to do so. 

So from those two thoughts, I went: okay, what do the visitors offer the clan that would incentivise Windclan to invite them back every single year? And the answer is fresh bloodlines, particularly as the cats of the visiting group change so frequently as they are joined by newcomers. Likewise, I considered what impact it would have for Windclan to have a leader who also had experience raising kittens, and the answer was that she had the insight to know an insular, unmoving clan would not last. Hence why she also came to an accord with the barn cats of the nearby farmlands.

The combination to those two factors made it clear to me that Windclan’s tolerance--and even enthusiasm--for the visitors came from early in their history as a failsafe against inbreeding, and it seemed right to me that the elders--who long ago would probably have been Wind’s closest friends, the cats who helped take on some responsibility while she raised her litter--are the ideal thinktank for tracking bloodlines and deliberating on appropriate matches for warriors. It seemed like a neat and realistic solution for several problems. 

The nine winds. 

I knew I wanted to include a significant and unique element of Windclan culture in m.a.m.s. because it’s the ideal environment to do so, being a bigger story than my previous ones. The nine winds developed out of both Doylist and Watsonian interests for me. 

The Doylist (in-universe) reason is that canon suggests Windclan views themselves as intensely spiritual because of their position as closest to the stars and/or Moonstone (?)--but that didn’t really click with me, because all the clans feel they have a deeply personal, powerful relationship with Starclan. I felt there had to be more to their everyday relationship and “we sleep under the stars” doesn’t actually cut it for me as a notable cultural practice that justifies that feeling of connection. I wanted to be true to Windclan’s sense of being in conversation with Starclan, in a way that most suited their lifestyle and territory. Hence, the wind as divine messenger. 

The Watsonian (out-of-universe) reason is that I considered Windclan’s supposed connection to Starclan and stars, and then I thought of astrology, and then I thought of “what if astrology but actually interesting and potentially valuable?”, and then I devised the nine winds. Sorry to anyone who finds astrology fun or valuable, but for me, I don’t really find it compelling conceptually because (and obviously this is a super basic, watered down definition, forgive me) it is predominantly about explaining who you are based on when + where you were born and accounting for why you act or feel the way you do.  

That feels stagnant to me, so I wanted to take the concept of astrology and go, “what if it tells you who you can/should become?” and that felt very right and much more in line with stories I like to tell. I loved the idea of life as a work-in-progress, nebulously guided by ancestors, and I enjoy the difficulty in disproving the nine winds: either the wind is right because you could stand to be more x, or the wind is right because you became very x (as you should have). An emphasis on interpretation was important too, so that each cat has a personal relationship with 1. their own harbinger and 2. the day-to-day movements of the wind generally. 

As a side-note, I was also aware that systems of categorisation--Hogwarts houses or whatever else--are very appealing to readers, and I had a feeling people would go a little wild for the nine winds as a concept. I’ve so far been pretty good at predicting what it is that people really like in my work, especially as far as world-building goes, and it always makes me excited when I know I’ve about to share something new that I think everyone will go a bit mad for. 

Housekeeper names.

I wanted to achieve a few things with Cypress in m.a.m.s., and one of them was that I really wanted his relationship with Talltail to develop out of a cultural miscommunication that only becomes visible to both parties in hindsight. In the end, of course the relationship is very real, but from Cypress’ perspective, I needed something to push him to take the leap into the unknown, because I felt just curiosity and a desire for adventure weren’t quite enough to make him leave the comfort and safety of his home. But a noble, handsome traveller who turns up on his doorstep with interesting stories and a quest, who almost at once offers his name to Cypress in gratitude for his hospitality? The boy thought he’d fallen directly into a cat romance novel. 

I also felt that the sacred secret of one’s name is a super interesting cultural counterpoint to the clans, whose names and naming system exist to be known and as a way to identify each other. I got the idea initially from Old Possum’s Book of Cats, actually, a long long time ago, and have always found the thought of every cat (and particularly pet cats) having a private name pretty delightful--especially as kind of this last fierce independence, the one thing that is theirs and theirs alone. 

Personally, I also just love any kind of ritualised social conduct--another reason I love court intrigue. The sharing--or not sharing--of names has so many subtle little ramifications, and while I didn’t explore those in m.a.m.s. I love to think about it. 

And which piece of worldbuilding has you feeling the most of that 'smug these things fit together in a logical and intriguing way I haven't seen much of elsewhere' feeling?

I think they all go together really well and a lot of what makes this story feel unique is the combination of all these little things happening concurrently--or at least that’s my theory! I think of all the things I’ve written in m.a.m.s. the nine winds are probably the most intriguing, though, by virtue of implying much but sharing only a fragment of the whole? But that’s just a guess. 

I think the nine winds as a concept is the thing that is most specifically a me creation and probably the most unlikely to have been developed independently by someone else, so I’ll go with that! Admittedly I very rarely read Warriors fanfiction, so I can’t be sure, but I don’t think there’s anything quite like what I’m doing out there at the moment. 

Frankly if there was, I like to think I’d already know about it, because I’d be their biggest fan. Thank you for asking, and I hope these answers are interesting!

[prettywordsyouleft]

Bloodstone | Part 1

Summary: You knew all about the ring your grandmother had told you about and yet when the stone fell from it one fateful day, you weren’t truly prepared for its return, nor who it came back with.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

Genre: fantasy / romance

Warnings: talk of witchcraft, and a bit too much LOTR banter >_>

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

After the initial shock wore off and your legs regained their feeling, you cradled your hand to your chest, protecting it as you swiftly moved through the afternoon crowds to the closest subway station. There, you grew more apprehensive once the underground train hurtled its way across the grid to where you needed to be the most. After departing the subway, you walked as fast as your legs would carry you to the little shop at the very end of an alleyway, opening the door and listening to the bell above it chime in your arrival.

The store owner lifted his glasses further up the bridge of his nose in curiosity, only to sigh when he saw you there. Yoongi then narrowed his gaze at your evidently anxious state and stood up. “Are you alright, Y/N?”

“It finally happened, Yoongi!”

“What did?”

“The ring!” you cried, thrusting your hand out at the man as you approached the counter, looking at him for a cure. You were beyond reason now and your best friend merely contemplated the situation before him and then scrunched up his face in disbelief.

“Are you… high?”

“Oh my god, really?!” you breathed with frustration and Yoongi grimaced.

“Well, put yourself in my shoes right now. You sound really crazy.”

“Maybe I will go crazy. She always said it would test everything about me.”

Yoongi slumped back down on the stool behind the counter, though he didn’t shift his concerned gaze from your face. “Your grandmother? Didn’t she give you that ring when you were ten?”

So he did remember. Nodding with relief, you placed your hand down on top of the glass countertop, the overhead lights now illuminating your hand brightly. The tarnished silver reflected the light, the gaping hole in the center of the ring only further emphasised. Your best friend leaned in and inspected the wounded piece of jewellery.

“Maybe the stone fell out because this ring is ancient,” he offered but you shook your head adamantly. The ring was old, but it was strong. You had once tried to remove the stone yourself. It was wedged in there for good.

Or so you had thought.

“Do you remember what my grandmother used to say?”

“A whole lot of gibberish?” Yoongi stated with a wry smile and then shrugged. “I dunno, Y/N. I used to go to her house with you so I could get some sleep. Her couch was the comfiest…”

“Because she had put a spell on it for those who had tired bones could rest well,” you murmured and Yoongi snapped his dark gaze up to your face with surprise. You were equally astonished. “Please don’t tell me you never once noticed she was a witch, Yoongi.”

“I just thought she was kooky like some old women can be,” he sheepishly responded, scratching at the back of his head. “Really? She was a witch?”

“I wish she had taught me more than I know now. It was all good to warn me, but what am I meant to do without her powers?”

“What did she used to say?” Yoongi asked, pulling out a pen and paper from beside the cashier.

“That the stone in this ring wasn’t from here, and one day it would return to its world. She told me when that happened I’d have to be ready for a test that will challenge me in every way possible.”

“I feel like I just stepped into Lord of The Rings,” Yoongi muttered and you cocked your head to the side to give him an unimpressed look. “Look, hobbits aside, the information she gave you isn’t very specific. Where was the stone from?”

“She couldn’t tell me, just not from a human race.”

Yoongi visibly swallowed before continuing. “Okay, what about why? Why with its return to the world it came from does this affect you?”

“Because I wear the ring?” you guessed and Yoongi groaned, pointing at you incredulously.

“Yes! Why did you wear something so god damn dangerous for?! You could have said, no thank you grandmother, I want to live a normal life, instead of taking on the ring of Mordor and I don’t know, tainting us all with this quest of yours that you’re now on!”

Rolling your eyes at Yoongi, you shook your head. “Just because you run a comic bookstore doesn’t mean we live in a world where…”

You trailed off with the pointed look Yoongi gave you as he folded his arms over his chest. You let out a huff in defeat.

“So you wore this ring since you were ten,” Yoongi refocused. “And now today the stone disappears. Do you feel different?”

“Well, apart from the stress from losing it, no. But today isn’t just any day, Yoongi.”

You implored him to think and his mouth fell ajar, nodding softly. “It’s been a year since your mother…”

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence the stone left this world exactly a year after my mother did,” you managed to say, blinking rapidly and looking up at Yoongi through an increasing veil of tears. “If anything, I would connect the two.”

“I hate that your words sound logical to me right now,” he admitted with a heavy sigh. “So we have no knowledge of what to do next, why this is happening, or anything really. How is this being prepared?”

You wondered the same thing.

Namjoon hadn’t stopped staring at the bloodstone since he first saw it. He had simply sat back down at his desk and cast his gaze upon it for an immeasurable while.

Whilst his body was completely still, his mind was anything but. Warnings of his father from the past flooded his mind, holding him back from the temptation of reaching out to inspect the stone closely. He had looked at it from almost every angle now, fascinated by the perfectly structured gem. He had never seen such beauty before and he had played a part in sending some of the rarest of stones to earth over the years. The red was not dark like a garnet and yet not nearly as bright as a ruby either. It was rich and full, enticing him to continue his examination. He wondered if the stone would be as warm to touch as it was to look upon. Blinking away his hazy thoughts, Namjoon clamped his hands to the base of his seat, pushing back the desire mounting within him.

He wouldn’t touch this stone.

But after another length of time and an equally strong longing to just pick it up once and then put it back down, Namjoon knew he had to put space between him and the bloodstone.

“You’re luring me in, aren’t you?” he murmured at the wicked thing, getting up and walking over to the farthest spot in his studio. However, he couldn’t train his gaze to stay away from the stone, chewing on his bottom lip in deliberation.

Was it really that bad? He had been told not to do many things in his life and found out later it was out of fear something bad could have happened. He had survived through them all. And where had the stone even come from? Could it have fallen from the Heavens? Travelled from Earth? Either place, Namjoon yearned to travel to. Especially after the loss of his father all those years ago.

He wished the man was here now to guide him away from the very stone he had warned him countless times to never get involved with.

“I won’t do it,” he concluded, nodding weakly at his decision. Turning to switch off the lights in the room so he could head into the main house he shared with his sister, Namjoon gave a final look at the red glow around the room and shut the door.

Only to re-enter mere moments later with haste. “I need to hide you in case Marian finds you.”

The fear of his sister touching what had been forbidden by his father made Namjoon dash around the studio, looking for a box and something to gently guide the stone into it. And, because he was so focused on doing just this, he wasn’t as aware of his actual surroundings, tripping over the leg of his stool as he hurried over to the desk.

It all happened too fast to prevent calamity. The tools he held dropped from his hands as he fell onto the desk, his chest being the first part of him to connect with the gem. An image of a human woman appeared in his mind right as he felt the stone absorb him entirely.

The studio was now empty of both the bloodstone and its keeper.

_________________

Part 2

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[mynameisalanwake]

DA2 playthrough 2: Garrett Hawke is a mage

i did finally get the Legacy DLC since i didn't realize how impactful it was on DAI the last time around - i also grabbed the one with Sebastian since i was buying DLCs anyway LOL

Dragon Age 2 major decisions made:

- mage (Bethany dies, Carver in party) Purple!Garrett Hawke - romanced Anders (I KNOW I KNOW) - sided with mages the whole way through - any offer to side with the templars, even in a tiny way, was declined (except returning Keran) - Carver was brought to the Wardens during the expedition - the companion stuff was so irritating this time around i don't even want to talk about it - killed Bartrand (i think i spared him last time) - Merrill's clan was killed (whoopsie) - helped Feynriel get to the Dalish then Tevinter - killed Arishok in duel - sided with Larius during Legacy

so. i did definitely play almost the same way i did last time. i TRIED to be diplomatic Hawk, but the sarcastic/charming options are just so much better and makes the side dialogue so much better. it just feels right whether you're playing as Garrett or Marian. as much as i love this game (it's my favorite in the whole series), it lacks the same replayability that Origins had solely because of how established Hawke is. idk maybe i just have to commit to a different personality next time. i just didn't like the voice acting for the aggressive lines but i also wasn't a fan of the diplomatic options at times and my experimenting FUCKED UP MY COMPANION RELATIONSHIPS

i know i don't have to be friends with all of them, but that's how i like to play, and i found during this playthrough i had a lot of trouble pulling the relationships one way or the other. maybe because i was trying to mix up my party, which worked out to my detriment? it's easy to max out friendship with Varric (at least for me) and whoever i'm romancing, but this time, i found that my relationships with Isabela and Merrill specifically are stagnant as a result. i'm wrapping up Act II now, and not only did Isabela ditch me and take the relic, but when i gave her the relic, it LITERALLY brought us over the "friend" threshold. i can't see her again to do her "Questioning Beliefs" quest at that point!!! so now i have to reload a save WAY back to reconfigure my party because i ran out of side quests to up Isabela's approval so she's leaving regardless - i ended up having to reload my save at the beginning of the Qunari showdown to change my party & max out my respect with the Arishok so Fenris would suggest a duel instead, which i DESTROYED. Merrill and i worked our way up to 100% friendship in the wake of the closure of her personal arc, and i think Aveline and i are just always friends because we want what's best for Kirkwall regardless.

it's been about 24 hours since i finished DA2 (and i just had to do something incredibly tragic in DAI.........) and i've been extremely angsty about romance!Anders - "in ten years, or a hundred years, someone like me will love someone like you, and there will be no templars to stop them." are you FUCKING kidding me??? my heart hurts and my eyes are tearing up just retyping that. someone like me loves someone like you now, you fool!!! also Anders is so autistic-coded and is very much my brand of autism with his strong sense of justice which made it even harder to watch him push Hawke away :( i know the writer based him on her ex with BPD or something, but i was misdiagnosed with BPD before i was diagnosed with autism, so i think it just makes me hurt for him even more. they'll never make me hate you, Anders <3

the companions i didn't have last time - Sebastian and Carver. Seb's accent is really cute, which i don't mind, but he's such a fucking buzzkill. he ditched me in the final battle because i spared my boyfriend even though we were at 100% friendship - fuck off back to Starkhaven then you loser. the DAI war table quest i got after was pretty funny, though. i thought Fenris was bad, but goddamn. i don't bring him around unless i google the quest beforehand and see it'll give him affinity. i LOOOOOOVE Carver - yeah, Act I he's really annoying, but sending him to the Grey Wardens is super satisfying, especially when you see him at the start of Legacy/the end of Act II. becoming a Warden is SO good for his character development. truthfully, becoming a Warden is good for most people's character development in this series unless you count Anders/Justice. swinging Carver over to "friend" is even better (even though i never got him past halfway). i wasn't expecting him to be the polar opposite of Bethany, which threw me off early on, especially since i'm playing as Garrett instead of Marian. Stroud being the one to save Carver in the Deep Roads definitely adds a whole new level of emotion to your DAI Fade decision if he's your Warden - the handoff of the sibling is so sad!!!!!! additionally, i am actually friends with Fenris this time! i think my problem last time was not that i didn't bring him around, but when i did bring him, it was to the wrong quests. now i see why so many people make jokes about keeping the approval guide open while playing this stupid game!!!! but next playthrough i'll probably try a Fenris rivalry-mance.........

seeing Alistair with Carver at the end of Act II :)))))))) when he gives me the amulet from the Warden :))))))))))))))))) but his dialogue was broken in the last update DA2 got so he only called her an "old friend" instead of the "love of his life" like he did originally >:(((((((((((((((( if i hadn't literally just watched the epilogue card of Awakening, which CONFIRMED we were still together, i would've been absolutely geeking about fucking something up like i was during endgame of DA:O. i mean i was still kicking my feet and giggling (boy got a GLOW UP can't wait for DAI) but incredibly disappointed that he SHOULD'VE called me the love of his life instead. romanced Warden Alistair is probably my favorite throughline for previous games in DA2/DAI with romanced Morrigan in DAI as a close second and romanced Dorian in DATV as third only because my headcanons carried him there.

the Legacy DLC definitely kicked my ass, especially the last fight with Corypheus. i think that boss battle was harder than any of the base game boss fights in the entire series. however, it was totally worth it - it adds a whole new level of connection to DAI that i didn't realize i was missing out on, especially when you bring Varric, Anders, and Carver. I WAS TERRIFIED ABOUT KILLING ANDERS IN THE MIDDLE OF IT but it all worked out fine and he was glad i did it :) i also think doing this DLC made the DAI Fade decision much more impactful, especially with the....circumstances....i've set up for this playthrough. other than the boss fight, it was a really quick DLC to finish up - almost like they learned from how ANNOYING Awakening was!!!!

other than that, my playthrough was generally the same. i read about someone who plays Hawke as pro-mage to start, then pro-templar after Leandra gets killed, but i just couldn't really get behind it as mage Hawke friendly!romancing Anders. i don't think i'll ever be able to be rivals with Anders or execute him for blowing up the Chantry, if i'm being entirely honest, as i feel so deeply connected to him as a human being. even though DA2 is my favorite of the whole series, i will probably play it almost exactly the same way every single time because the other choices just don't feel right to me.

[self-loving-vampire]

Pathfinder: Kingmaker (2018)

Pathfinder: Kingmaker is a game that I liked a lot when I played it, but also a game that has a lot of obvious problems that drag aspects of it down. Fortunately, one of its big strengths is that it is extremely customizable, meaning that annoying or broken parts can be toned down for the most part.

Summary

This game has been called a spiritual successor to Baldur’s Gate, which I can see only on a sort of superficial level. What I can say it is that an ambitious and (in some ways) expanded adaptation of the Pathfinder tabletop adventure path of the same name, which I have run a little bit of.

For those who don’t know, an adventure path is essentially a whole campaign, starting at first level and spanning several interlinked chapters with their own minor antagonists and themes, sometimes but not always all the way to 20th level.

This particular AP is one that I’d consider extremely hard to make into a computer game without losing a lot of what makes it appealing in the process. It starts with a simple hook: A wild part of the world is under the rule of a bandit lord, if you defeat him then you will be allowed to found a barony on his land and develop it as you wish.

While the concept is straightforward, this is a great idea with tons of potential in the infinite freedom of tabletop play. While it is impossible for any existing computer to realize this potential as well as a skilled human DM could, the game does have a lot of strengths (and weaknesses) that make it interesting to analyze.

If I had to compare it to an older game, I’d actually use Troika Games’ 2003 cult classic Temple of Elemental Evil rather than Baldur’s Gate, for reasons that will become apparent to any who are familiar with it.

Freedom

I would say that this area is mostly fine. Once you finish the prologue (which doubles as a tutorial) you are largely free to explore the Stolen Lands... except that areas open up gradually depending on your main story progression.

While I understand that this helps keep things focused and manageable, there are times where these limitations end up feeling a bit contrived. Still, this is not a huge deal since each area is reasonably big and full of optional content.

One nice thing about exploration is that there are many areas with encounters that are far deadlier than anything you may be used to at that point, but which usually guard extremely valuable loot. This means that if you can figure out a way to overcome the encounter before you’re “supposed to” level-wise you will get a very satisfying reward out of it.

Defeating these encounters is not even strictly needed at times either. For example, there is a hidden crag linnorm (a CR 14 monster) in a cave within an area full of far weaker monsters (around CR 6 or so if I recall). While defeating the linnorm would not be easy for characters at this level, I managed to use the party’s rogue to sneak past it and loot its hoard without combat.

In terms of things like dialogue choices and the like, the game is also mixed. While you very often have multiple options, some of these options can be Stupid Evil (attacking people for no reason) or even flatly blocked by your alignment in ways that feel arbitrary.

For example, you need a Neutral alignment component to make peace between the mites and the kobolds in chapter 1.

There is one particular quest (courtesy of a kickstarter backer) that is a horrible railroad as well.

But overall I’d say you have more options here than in many other similar games, I mostly just wish the alignment stuff made sense and did not lock you out of options.

The game has multiple endings and Fallout-style ending slides describing what became of the people and places you influenced based on your decisions. However, achieving the secret ending or the secret romance is so extremely obscure that I’m actually surprised I managed to do it on my first playthrough.

Character Creation/Customization

This is easily one of the game’s most significant positives, while also being one of the things that may be extremely intimidating about it for people who haven’t played the tabletop.

With the DLC, there are 9 races to choose from and like 16 classes (not counting prestige classes). Adding to this, each of those classes has 3 optional archetypes that function as subclasses that add, remove, or modify class features.

Many of the races also have different heritages that switch around things like racial bonuses/penalties, resistances, and spell-like abilities.

However, I do have some complaints about it as well. Sometimes the explanations of what an archetype adds don’t seem as complete as they should be, and from what I remember a lot of your character creation decisions did not have enough of an impact outside of combat.

While the game does feature skill checks both in dialogue and in other parts of gameplay, they use the highest modifier within your party so your own stats are not vital to passing them, and (unlike its sequel) the game rarely features things like special dialogue options based on things like your race, class, or chosen deity as far as I can tell.

Also, while many tabletop options were understandably cut since the game was already over-ambitious as it is, this includes all kinds of item crafting (without mods that is). Things like potion-brewing are a pretty central aspect of the alchemist class, while wizards really benefit from scribing scrolls to handle many different situations.

Worse, this inability to craft and enchant your own gear can end up hurting the itemization in the game. There are tons of different types of weapons you can choose to specialize in, but for many of them you will struggle to find good weapons of that type to use within the game.

Also missing is the ability to meaningfully apply several types of spells out of combat, which really hurts some character ideas that would have been very interesting in the tabletop version (such as diviners or enchanters).

The whole system can also be a bit confusing to those unfamiliar with the tabletop. The game is not as clear and good at teaching as it should be.

Story/Setting

The game is set in Golarion’s Stolen Lands, an anarchic area with heavy fey presence. Compared to many of the more colorful locations in the setting, this is one of the more “standard” and generic regions, but there are still some noteworthy things that help define it, such as the ancient cyclops ruins beneath the land or the links to the alien First World of the fey.

Like the adventure path it is based on, the Kingmaker computer game has a story separated into several linked but defined chapters that each present a new threat. Kind of like anime arcs that introduce increasingly dangerous villains at the center of each.

The story is generally fine and the secret ending is as satisfying as it is obscure. However, I would say that story is not what makes this game good in my opinion. This is no Planescape: Torment.

The game features many companions. I did not really care much about roughly half of them to be honest, but I do like the approach used to present them. They are all very visibly flawed, which can make for bad first impressions, but as you spend time with them and do their quests you discover new depths to them that make them far more interesting, and you see them change over time as well.

One notable example is Jubilost, a rude know-it-all gnome with an unpleasant and caustic personality that covers some measure of real kindness underneath (as well as the fact that he does indeed know a lot, he just needs to be less of a dick about it).

And of course, the central idea of the story is something that you don’t actually see that much of in RPGs, or even in a lot of modern tabletop campaigns: The player gaining a kingdom to rule. I think that while there is no way to properly provide the same range of options for how to handle this as the tabletop version can, the game still manages to accomplish something interesting (even if not wholly good) in how it integrates the gameplay into this.

In many ways, ruling the kingdom can actually be kind of stressful outside of easier difficulties due to the interminable problems and literal curses plaguing it. You will have to contend with everything from monster raids to plagues and invasions throughout the game.

While the mechanics of managing the kingdom are not really all that well-balanced and are more of a pain than anything to a lot of people, the throne room events where you get to make decisions on policy and such are often fun and not something you see in many other games.

One thing that can be off-putting about the game’s approach to narrative decisions is that there are a few times where the outcome of a quest can feel a little arbitrary due to depending on seemingly minor dialogue options. This is especially bad about the above-mentioned secret ending and the secret romance option. They go far beyond “secret” and into “you will be lucky to achieve this without a walkthrough”.

Finally, a few of the alignment tags applied during conversation options make no sense. This is particularly bad during chapter 2, but the issue comes up outside of it as well.

Immersion

This is one area where the game is not that strong, for multiple reasons. For instance, the fact that there is no crime system at all. You can loot your entire town (where even magical items are sometimes inexplicably placed in random homes).

The day/night cycle also seems to be for aesthetic purposes only as there are no schedules to go with it (which at least makes sense from a gameplay standpoint I guess).

The one thing the game actually brings to the table here above most others is also one of its most controversial features: The passage of time.

There is a real urgency to your quests, as there’s actual consequences to neglecting threats and situations that are meant to be urgent. 

In most games this kind of urgency is completely fake and the story advances at whatever pace the player decides. Not so here. If you ignore, say, the troll hordes early in the game then their attacks will eventually overwhelm and ruin your kingdom.

Everything from travel to resting and even hunting in place of using rations takes time. Rest too much and you could be sacrificing your long-term ability to manage the endless threats around your kingdom in exchange for an edge in the encounters immediately ahead of you.

This not only makes the mechanics somewhat more interesting by forcing you to manage time instead of playing it safe by resting liberally and doing a 15-minute adventure day, it also ties in with the narrative of just how deeply cursed, troubled, and flat-out burdensome caring for your kingdom can be.

It also just feels more real that events move on their own regardless of whether or not you are present to deal with them. This feature is not entirely positive, though. It can obviously be painful if you are struggling or lost.

Gameplay

This is one of the game’s strong points, at least if you enjoy the mechanics of the tabletop. Just as Temple of Elemental Evil was a simplified and buggy but reasonably faithful adaptation of D&D 3.5 rules, Kingmaker is a simplified and buggy but (somewhat less) faithful adaptation of Pathfinder 1E rules.

Obviously there are many, many things missing from the tabletop. Classes, races, feats, I think also grappling in general, firearms, and etc.

I think a lot of these cuts are fair. This is a huge game already and it would have been downright miraculous to include every single option possible in the tabletop. The consolidation and removal of skills that were unlikely to have much use in the adventure also makes sense for balance purposes.

The combat as a whole is deep and complex enough to remain interesting for a long time, at least in turn-based mode (which I recommend). The amount of options available to magic users in particular is extreme even if many spells are missing, and many martial classes also have some features of their own beyond just basic attacks.

Also helping things is the very wide variety of enemies, some of which require a specialized approach to take down easily. You can’t just use the same tactics for every encounter in the game.

For example, trolls regenerate unless attacked with fire or acid. Undead have a whole host of immunities but are vulnerable to positive energy. Golems are immune to spells and extremely tough.

My main complaint about this aspect of the game is really just that combat is a bit excessive. There are far too many random encounters and even outside of that there is much more combat in general than in the tabletop version. Too many of these encounters end up feeling like padding.

This game probably could have been under 100 hours easily if a lot of the superfluous fights had been cut and overall XP gain had been increased. Even with enjoyable combat, 100+ hours of this is way too much.

Besides combat, there are “storybook sections”, where you are presented with situations and must make decisions about how to resolve them, often making use of skill checks to determine results. These are nice, not much else to say about them.

Which brings us to  the last major aspect of gameplay: The kingdom management. This aspect is controversial, and you can turn it off entirely if it sounds like it may not be for you.

There are three major aspects to kingdom management: Decisions, projects/events, and city-building.

Decisions are the most interesting by far. You will be presented by an issue or a request to decide on your policy in one area. You will be given a handful of choices with varying consequences, which may be referenced in later decisions.

Projects and events are more flawed while still having a good idea at their core. These are basically issues that you will need to assign one of your advisors to fix. For example, sending your general to deal with a hostile.

Where it falls apart is the fact that a dice roll is involved in determining success or failure (though there is a type of currency you can spend to improve your chances, which can reach 100%). There are also so many things going on that some of your advisors can be busy for months on a project while various events that require their attention pile up.

The worst part is that there are certain projects that require you to spend a fortnight at your capital doing nothing.

But even worse than this is the city building, which is a missed opportunity. Most buildings provide little beyond a relatively small amount of kingdom stats. This is still beneficial, but not very inspired or interesting.

So there are a lot of problems with kingdom building, one of the core features of the adventure path. While I didn’t hate it myself, I understand why some people might want to focus on the adventuring and combat.

This is also the point where I should mention that the game was incredibly broken at release even by eurojank standards. It is definitely a lot better in this area than it used to be, but is still not the most reliable of games.

Aesthetics

This is one area where the game does very well. Some of the environments look great, the monster designs are generally good, the music is great (though repetitive by the end due to the game’s length), and the combination of sound effects and brutal animations can make combat extra satisfying.

Areas can even change depending on the weather or the time of the year.

The only negative that comes to mind is that most of what you see in the game is relatively generic fantasy environments that don’t really stand out. I was never much of a fan of lush, bright forests and the like.

At least there is still a bit of variety, with dark swamps and mountainous areas, as well as the rare trip into the bizarre First World that fey creatures inhabit.

Accessibility

This is one of the three big complaints about the game (the other two being the bugs and the difficulty). If you are not already familiar with the PF rules then you may struggle to play this game effectively, at least for some time. From what I recall, many things are not that well explained.

In fact, you may have already heard horror stories about how one of the very first side quests you find sends you to a spider cave where you have to fight swarms, which is a type of enemy that is immune to normal weapon attacks outside of the easier difficulties.

This lack of clarity can also extend to your story decisions, as previously explained.

Conclusion

Like many other big and ambitious RPGs, Kingmaker has a lot of jank and technical problems, and its complexity and difficulty mean that it is not really the kind of game that will have widespread appeal. 

However, this does not mean it has no appeal at all. It is a huge game with entertaining combat, a story that puts you and your decisions at its center, and the rather rare opportunity to become a ruler in an RPG. It tries to do a lot  and I for one prefer games with big ambitions and passions like this over games that play it safe, even if they are more competent and polished.

I’d say that this game is mostly recommended for tabletop RPG nerds, people with “old school CRPG” sensibilities, and people with a high tolerance for jank. Others can definitely still enjoy it, but may want to use the easier difficulty modes.