#i finally left because he was on a call projecting like a freshman theater kid for thirty minutes straight and i couldn’t take it anymore

[abowlofpetuniasandawhale]

once again asking that men in shared spaces remember they are in shared spaces and consider the other people in those spaces (which are shared)

[quotidian-oblivion]

A short excerpt from my latest fic (which I'm actually proud of, oh my God, you guys).

Summary:

Jason knew that attending a rich ass school was going to be the toughest and most mind-grating thing ever. His beliefs were confirmed when he got cornered by bullies on his first day. The only thing he was surprised about was that it took them so long to find the school's new street rat. Just as he's about to be punched a fucking 10 year old (he's actually 12) steps in and... starts threatening the bullies? And they actually listen?? What the fuck???

And that isn't the only surprise that's waiting for him.

“Um, I’m looking for someone? He’s this high, looks like 10, is actually 12.” 

“You’re looking for Tim Drake?” Alexander gasped out with surprise and horror. 

The group froze tensely and Jackie stopped talking. 

Jason blinked. “Who’s Tim Drake?” 

Jackie shook her head, eyes wide. “He’s only the legend and leader of the school. You know, a lot of people compare him to the likes of a mafia boss?” 

“Like, here’s a freshman who is an actual 12-year-old. Easy bait, right?” a student piped up. “Wrong. The so-called “12-year-old” is not only academically smart, but also politically smart.” 

Another student nodded, saying, “It had been barely three months and he already had blackmail on half the bullies in the school. He made deals and truces with the other half of the bullies. The minor ones cower before him, because in a span of three months, he’s managed to become all chummy-chummy with the big guys, when they’ve been trying for three years.”

“No one has met a single person in the history of the school who is friends with the bullies, the students, and the teachers,” Jackie added. “Plus, he’s offering homework help and occasionally accepting candy as payment? Well, sign me up. Actually, I did sign up. I’m almost getting all grades above B on my final report card.”

Then Alexander said ominously, “Majority of the girls think he’s adorable. The majority of the boys think he’s cool. The mean girls bend to his every will. The jocks give him hi-fives and fist bumps in the corridors and stick up for him in P.E. Not that he needs much, he’s so smart that he used freaking science to defeat everyone in dodgeball. Something about velocity reducing when standing at the very back? I don’t know, man.”

One of the other students said, “The nerds ask him for tips on how to play chess and dungeons and dragons. The older theater kids ask him out for group milkshake parties. The prom queen and king asked him to be a chaperone on their first date. The teachers think he's a charm.“

“And all the janitors keep him up to date on new facilities and latest gossip,” a janitor walking by said. “We even made a copy of every key at the school for him, don’t tell the staff though.”

Jackie turned back to Jason, “The kid is a legend. A real legend known under the name of Timothy Jackson Drake.”

So that was his name. Timothy Jackson Drake. It sounded kinda cool, if Jason told the truth. 

“Yet,” a girl stepped in who looked like the splitting image of Regina George (Dick made him watch it). “For some mind-splitting reason, he decides to hang out with the new street kid?” she eyed him up and down with revulsion. 

Jason folded his arms and stared her up and down too. “If he decided to hang out with me, then wouldn’t that mean you should scramble before he hears what you just said?”

Regina Doppelganger turned pale. She flipped her hair, in an effort to keep what corrupt dignity she had left, then walked away with her minions trailing behind her. 

Jason turned back to Alexander and his friends. “Where can I find him?”

[lunetheaveragefan]

one day...

Hi! This is the beginning of the first fanfiction that I’m posting here! I hope people like it!

A Sander Sides high school AU

Pairing: Prinxiety and some background Logicality

Summary: Virgil is used to being alone. He only has one friend, Logan. But when Logan makes a new friend, things begin to change as two more join their group. Roman, a boisterous theater kid, seems determined to destroy Virgil’s lonely, average life. How much will Virgil’s life change?

Warnings: Some cursing and quick mentions of anxiety/a panic attack. If you notice anything else, let me know!

Word Count: 1,691

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CHAPTER ONE

Virgil Tempest is having a bad day.

First of all, he’d woken up late. 30 minutes late, to be exact. That left him only 10 to get ready for school, so he didn’t have time to put on his foundation. Now, the feature he hated most about himself — his freckles — would be visible for all to see. 

Secondly, his favorite hoodie was in the wash, so he had to wear his old, plain black one that he hadn’t worn since at least seventh grade. It was buried in the way back of his closet, wedged between a leather jacket he’d completely forgotten he owned and the suit he had only worn once, at a funeral for some distantly related family member.

Thirdly, he forgot his headphones at home in his rush, and so now he had to suffer the whole day, unable to block out the noise of his idiotic school. He thought he had a spare pair in his backpack, but when he looked once he got to school, there weren’t any in sight. 

Earlier, he thought it couldn’t get any worse, but he is sure now that it was just building up to this.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Roman Princeford apologizes loudly from above him. To say Virgil dislikes Roman would be an understatement. Roman has a ridiculously pompous name and a personality to match. The star theater kid, popular king of the school, and friend to everyone. Well, everyone except for Virgil. Even Virgil’s only friend, Logan Wise, a class-A nerd, likes Roman. 

Needless to say, Virgil doesn’t see Roman’s appeal. Maybe, if Roman could stand to be a whole lot less arrogant, say, every day, or if he stopped being so excessively extra, or if he just took the time to do something other than theater and bragging, he might be tolerable. The key word there being ‘might.’

“It’s fine,” Virgil mumbles from the floor, where he had landed after Roman knocked into him while Virgil was walking. Roman had been talking to his usual group of fans, taking up most of the hallway since pretty much everyone wanted to listen to him, and had thrown out an arm in one of his usual grand gestures and pushed Virgil right over. He’d landed on the floor, books strewn everywhere, being watched by the whole hallway. Of course, it’s more crowded than usual thanks to the tall tale Roman was describing that apparently no one could afford to miss out on. It didn’t help that Roman had decided to make a big deal out of it, either. 

Wishing this terrible day could just end already, Virgil shifts to a crouch and begins to gather his books. To his utter dismay, Roman bends down to help him. Annoyed as he is, Virgil can’t get up the courage to tell the other boy to leave him alone. Even so, the work goes quicker with the other boy helping, and, as much as he would hate to ever admit it, Virgil appreciates it. 

They both reach for the last book on the ground at the same time, and their hands knock into each other. 

“S-Sorry,” Roman says, and Virgil thinks he hears a stutter in his voice. Roman Princeford, the theater prodigy who never messes up a line, stuttering? But when Virgil looks up at Roman, there’s a blush working its way across the other boy’s tan cheeks. Strange. This close, Virgil can see the bluish specks in the other boy’s green eyes. 

Roman must feel Virgil’s eyes on him, because he looks back at him, handing him his last book. Dread settles in Virgil’s stomach as he realizes that Roman must be able to see his freckles. Just as he remembers, Roman’s eyes drop to the other’s nose, where the freckles are the most noticeable. Shit, Virgil curses. 

Yanking the book away from Roman, Virgil turns away and stands up, and Roman soon follows suit. There’s a redness on both of their faces now, but on Virgil’s pale skin, it’s much more visible. How long was I staring at his eyes? He shakes his head, letting his dyed-purple bangs fall over his face. 

Resituating his books in his arms and weaving his way through the people, he starts the walk to his next class, art.

“Have a nice day!” Roman calls from behind him. Virgil sighs and pulls up his hood, wishing now more than ever that he had his headphones.

“Whatever,” he mutters, but the whole next period, all he can think about is Roman Princeford’s bright green eyes, tan skin, and wavy blond hair. 

I must be going crazy, he decides. I mean, I know I’m gay, but gay for Roman Princeford, of all people? I don’t know him at all, and from what I’ve heard — and experienced — he’s not someone I would ever get along with. There’s no way I could possibly have a crush on him. 

Right?

------------------

At lunch, Virgil drops down in the seat next to Logan with a thud. 

“Greetings,” Logan states professionally. “Am I misperceiving your body language and demeanor or was your day thus far below average in terms of relative happiness and unpleasantly abnormal?” Virgil looks at him around his bangs, puzzled.

“What?” Is he even speaking English? Virgil wonders.

“Pardon me, I forget that you are intellectually compromised when it comes to my copious vocabulary. Let me rephrase,” Logan proclaims. He clears his throat and lays his hands on the table, his fingers pressed together to form triangle-like shapes. “Did your day suck or are you just being your—” Logan waves a hand at Virgil’s body— “regular grumpy asshole self?”

Virgil is taken aback for a second before he rolls his eyes. 

“Roman fucking Princeford bumped into me in the hallway, and then had the nerve to say, ‘Have a nice day!’ afterwards in that disgustingly cheery voice of his!” Virgil complains, poking at his food. He doesn’t really intend on eating any of it; the school’s food is terrible, and besides, he isn’t too hungry anyway. He has some crackers in his bag if he really needs something to eat later.

“I do not understand why you antagonize him so often, but I suppose if you refuse to change your opinions of him, there isn’t much I can do on the matter.” Logan pauses, and Virgil has a feeling he knows what’s coming next: one of Logan’s rare discussions of emotions. “But you shouldn’t just assume that everyone is out to hurt you, Virgil.”

Yup, there it is. Virgil likes Logan’s company because he isn’t too tied up in his emotions, unlike Virgil. He knows the facts, and that’s relieving when Virgil is in the midst of a period of overwhelming anxiety. But sometimes, Logan thinks he knows what’s best for Virgil, especially when it comes to matters concerning Roman Princeford.

Scoffing, Virgil crosses his arms and leans against the back of the chair. “Whatever,” he sighs.

Logan takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm his temper, which has a habit of getting out of control, and responds, “Virgil, this is unhealthy. You have—” But before Virgil can find out what Logan thinks he has to do, another voice cuts Logan off.

“Heya, guys! How are you?” Virgil looks up to see a shorter student standing there. This new kid’s hair is a mess of amber curls, tumbling over his forehead and slipping behind his round, wire rimmed glasses. Tan skin covered in freckles and a round face gives him a youthful look, but Virgil knows that he’s a junior just like him. 

His name is Patton Hart, and Virgil, surprisingly, doesn’t hate him.

Patton is known for being one of the kindest people in the school. No matter who it is, Patton will find a way to cheer someone up. Back in December of their freshman year, Patton helped Virgil calm down during a panic attack around finals. Virgil harbors no ill will towards the kid, but it’s still strange that he’d show up at their table randomly. 

Then, Virgil remembers that Patton’s best friend is the one and only Roman Princeford. 

Roman probably sent Patton to tell me something. Damn, I hate that stuck up asshole. Before Virgil can open his mouth to ask Patton what he wants with them, since Logan and him are the only ones anywhere near, Logan talks first.

“Hi, Patton!” His voice is so upbeat and joy-filled that Virgil has to look over at Logan to make sure he did, indeed, speak. In the seat next to him, Logan’s face is lit up with a smile, and he looks so…well, not-Logan. And, wait, is that a blush on Logan’s cheeks?

Virgil raises his eyebrows in shock and blinks a few times to make sure what he’s seeing is real. When nothing changes when he opens his eyes, Virgil ignores the strangeness of whatever’s happening next to him and looks back at Patton. 

“Hey, Patton,” he greets. “What do you need?” He tries to keep his voice annoyance-free, so not to hurt the other kid’s feelings. Patton’s a little puffball of innocence and positive energy, and the whole school has made an unspoken agreement to keep it that way.

“Oh, I just came over to talk to Logan about our science project!” 

“We were paired together as lab partners today,” Logan explains, still with that wide smile on his face. 

Weirded out by the scene unfolding in front of him, Virgil pokes at his food one last time and decides he’s not so hungry to risk getting food poisoning. 

“Alright, then,” he says, standing up, “I’ll leave you guys alone so you can talk about your nerdy physics stuff.”

“Actually, Virgil, it’s chemistry we’re taking,” Logan informs him, some semblance of his usual professional manner returning. 

“Well, it’s still science, and it’s still nerdy, so my point stands.”

Patton giggles, and Logan seems to blush, but at this point, Virgil doesn’t trust his own eyes. 

“Well, goodbye, kiddo!” Patton exclaims, waving. Virgil laughs at Patton’s use of ‘kiddo’ even though they're in the same grade and waves back. Telling Logan that he’ll see him later, he turns and dumps his try, finally exiting the noise of the cafeteria.

[saltpepperbeard]

A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices. 

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all! 

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces​ was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways​ posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years. 

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

[enragedbees]

Wretched/Deluded

Pairing: Prinxiety, side Logicality

Summary: As Virgil helps Logan get ready for a date, he reminisces back to when they first met in high school.

Warnings: Swearing (If I missed anything, please let me know!)

Words: 3030

Song rec: Factories by Autoheart (This is less of a theme for this chapter, but more of the theme I’m using for the fic in its entirety!)

A huge thanks to the lovely @fall-sunflowers for being my beta reader!!

Taglist: @xionbean @thenewlarislynn @emo-disaster @darkstrange-son @starwarsdestroyedme

I love reading your comments! Please let me know what you think! :)

Read the companion to this story!

Next

——————————————-

Chapter 1: To Put Together Me

         ~ -222 days from The Beginning ~

Virgil heard the front door of his apartment slam shut.

        He switched the tab on his laptop from Tumblr to LinkedIn and got up from the couch, leaving the screen open and facing out as if to prove that he’d been doing what he was supposed to. His roommate walked through the kitchen, grinning.

        “Hey.” Virgil walked across the room and leaned against the wall. “You look happy.”

        “I am.” Logan opened the refrigerator and grabbed a water bottle. “I have a date tonight.”

        Virgil grinned. “You finally asked that guy you met?”

        “‘Finally’ seems rather melodramatic. I waited a perfectly reasonable amount of time before asking him out.” Logan cracked his water bottle open. “I’ve only known him for two weeks.”

        “And for two weeks you haven’t stopped talking about him.”

        Logan rolled his eyes. He took a drink and set the bottle down. “How goes the job hunt?”

        Virgil grimaced and sat back down on the couch. “I can’t find anything worthwhile.”

        “Maybe I can ask Patton tonight if he knows of anyone who’s hiring.” Logan offered. “He knows the city well.”

        Virgil scoffed. “You can’t ask that on a first date. He’ll think that’s the only reason you took him out.”

        Logan’s eyes widened. “Okay, I won’t.”

        Virgil grabbed his laptop. “When are you picking him up?”

        Logan checked his watch. “About two and a half hours.”

        “And what are you wearing?”

        Logan looked down at what he had on. “I was just going to wear this.”

        Virgil stopped. “You’re kidding, right?”

        “No. What’s wrong with it?”

        Virgil shook his head, eyes wide. “You can’t wear your daytime clothes on a date! Especially not when he’s already seen you in them that day. Do you want to look like you don’t care about going out with him?”

        “Well, obviously, not,” muttered Logan.

        Virgil sighed loudly and stood up. ”Come on, I’ll find you something.” He clasped Logan on the shoulder. “I guess some things never change.”

        Logan rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “It’s not like I’m helpless without you.”

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?” Virgil lightly pushed against Logan into his room and started to rifle through Logan’s closet.

~

        ~ -3110 days from The Beginning ~

Virgil Terek had no friends.

        And he was okay with that. He enjoyed being alone.

        It’s not like he wasn’t likable. He wasn’t an outcast. People were nice to him and he was polite back.

        Virgil just didn’t make an effort to put himself near other people. If he auditioned for the school musical, he’d be immediately adopted by the theater kids. Same with choir, or art, or any kind of sport, all things he could excel at. He simply didn’t want to.

        Virgil didn’t want to join a group where he’d always be on the outside. He might have had a couple friends, but he was too far behind to ever be a part of some tight-knit collection of people who had been in that club together since childhood. Virgil would sit with them at lunch, hang out with them on the weekends, go to their birthday and graduation parties. But they wouldn’t ask to work with him on group projects in class. They wouldn’t pick him for their team in gym. Every time they made plans, it would be, “Oh, and you can come too, if you want, Virgil.”

        And it was far too dangerous to have a single best friend, instead of a group of people. Virgil would never depend so much on one person. He’d just get hurt when they left for someone else.

        Virgil was happy where he was. At lunch he sat in silence with the other kind-of-loners like him and did homework. At home, he read or wrote or listened to music or watched television or dicked around on his phone. Virgil was content.

        The lack of friends eliminated distractions from what really mattered to Virgil. He could focus on what he wanted to do, and never had to worry about not having enough free time to do it.

Virgil Terek entered the ninth grade with complete indifference. By that point, he had learned his place in the world. As long as he maintained his grades and took all his required courses and interacted with his parents every once in awhile, nobody bothered him. He was free.

        And Virgil had never had a problem maintaining his grades. Being categorized as a “gifted student” sometime in elementary school, he never struggled with completing an assignment or needed to study for tests. Virgil was placed in the advanced classes throughout elementary and middle school and had no problem breezing through them without trying or even enjoying it.

        He took Geometry CP freshman year because it was the logical next step. He had no idea how much different an advanced high school course was from an advanced middle school course. When Virgil didn’t immediately understand a concept, he didn’t ask for help. When he only halfway understood the quadratic formula or didn’t memorize the order of the postulates and theorems, he didn’t study, because he had never had to before, and everything worked out on its own. Virgil started getting the worst test grades he had ever received in his life.

        A few weeks into the course, he was barely pulling a D+. His parents and teacher kept getting on his case, Virgil didn’t know how to fix his grades, and he felt his freedom slipping away.

        Other students complained near him about doing poorly, but their worst was always a grade Virgil would kill to have again. And the most annoying part was the new student in his class who never complained, who never was unprepared or confused, who seemed to have already mastered every topic in the course yet participated and accomplished classwork with vigor like it was the most interesting thing going on in his life.

        Over the course of a few weeks, Virgil saw his irrational hatred of the kid intensify. Every time he got a poor test grade or failed assignment, he grew angrier at the kid who had no problems with the material. Everything about him annoyed Virgil. He was a freshman who had just moved into town, and he was still better than Virgil. He was very tall and very thin, which should have made him awkward, but he wasn’t. He dressed every day like he was going to work, tie and all. He spoke so professionally, almost robotically. He was stuck up and arrogant and took every chance he could to correct someone. But he had an A+ in Geometry.

        Virgil, slumped at his desk in class while the teacher passed back their most recent tests, let these thoughts stew. He begrudgingly took the paper his teacher handed back to him, upside down and folded, with a stern but encouraging glance in Virgil’s direction. Virgil grimaced and turned it over.

        A big red D- sat leeringly at the top of the page. Virgil sighed. He looked to the front of the room at the new kid, who was flipping through the test, observing it with noticeable interest, looking over the unmarked pages before setting it back on the desk with an obvious A+ at the top.

        Virgil rolled his eyes to himself. None of his closest acquaintances were in the same math class, and he didn’t feel comfortable asking the sophomores and juniors in the period for help. This kid who didn’t know Virgil and therefore, didn’t have a reason to turn him away, might have been Virgil’s only chance to get his life back to normal.

        He groaned inwardly. He wished he had another option.

        When the period ended, Virgil walked up to the kid, who was packing up his backpack.

        “Hey, how’d you do on the test?” Virgil asked. He hated small talk, but he was about to ask a complete stranger for help, and Virgil felt that he at least owed it to the kid.

        “I got one-hundred percent,” answered the boy. Virgil resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

        “Cool. I didn’t do so well.” Virgil slung his backpack over his shoulder and they walked out of the classroom. “I’m Virgil, by the way.”

        The kid furrowed his brow. “Like the poet? What kind of a name is that?”

        Virgil glared at him. He decided didn’t need straight A’s that badly. “Alright, fuck off.” He started to walk away.

        “Wait, I’m sorry.” The other boy at least looked sheepish. “I don’t have much of a filter or an understanding of social etiquette. I tend to speak whatever I’m thinking without realizing the effects of what I say.”

        Jesus, this kid. Virgil was sure he had just recited that from a textbook he picked up somewhere. He sighed. “Okay. I don’t think that makes it better, though.”

        The kid stuck his hand out. “Pleased to meet you, Virgil. My name is Logan Schlenke.”

        Virgil gingerly shook his hand and they continued down the hallway. “Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m kind of doing really badly in Geo and I can’t help but notice that you know what you’re doing.” He sighed. “Is there any way you can help me when I don’t understand what’s going on?”

        “You want me to tutor you?” asked Logan. “Sure, I can do that.”

        “It’s not tutoring, I just want a little help with the content.”

        “That would be called tutoring,” Logan offered.

        “No, I don’t need –” He stopped himself and gritted his teeth. “Fine, whatever, call it tutoring,” Virgil muttered. He bit his lip. “But you’ll do it?”

        Logan stopped. He looked at Virgil thoughtfully. “I’ll help you under one condition.”

        “Seriously?” Virgil groaned. “What is it?”

        “It’s become evident to me that in order to have a productive and enjoyable high school career, one must be on good terms with their classmates,” Logan said. “I’ll help you understand Geometry if you help me to understand how to interact with people.”

        Virgil raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think I’m your best choice to learn people skills, man. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I kind of keep to myself and don’t talk to anybody else.”

        “That’s not true,” Logan commented. “I’ve seen you talking with lots of people and everyone likes you. Besides, I don’t want or need actual friends. I just need to get along with the other students in the school.”

        Damn. This kid. Virgil was already regretting the decision. There had to be an easier way to pass Geo.

        He let out a breath. “Okay. I’ll help you.”

        Logan stuck his hand out again, and Virgil shook it. “It’s a deal,” Logan smiled.

        The two exchanged contact information, and Logan walked into his next class, leaving Virgil shaking his head in the hallway.

        Over the next few days, Logan went to Virgil’s house after school and worked with him on the content they learned in class.

        “Your main problem seems to be that you never learned how to study,” Logan noted. “If you practice teaching yourself the concepts you don’t understand in class, soon you won’t need someone to reteach it to you.”

        Virgil scoffed. “Why should I teach myself something when there’s a teacher getting paid to do it?”

        “Teachers or other professionals are useful to help explain a concept to students. Not all teaching styles work on everyone, so sometimes it’s necessary to find out how you learn best and teach it to yourself,” Logan explained, maintaining a remarkable amount of patience. “You should also pay attention in class more often.”

        Virgil tried to help Logan interact in social situations, but he had no idea how to teach him, or if any of what he knew would work for Logan. Logan tried his best, though, putting the same effort into studying people skills that he did in his schoolwork.

        “So, maybe, when you want to say something, just…don’t, for a bit. Until you think it over and decide it’s an acceptable thing to say,” Virgil offered.

        Logan’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t think I’ve tried that?”

        Virgil rolled his eyes. “Look, dude, I’m not really sure how it works for you, anyway. But if you want people to like you, you can’t say things that make you look like an asshole. Just…calibrate, I guess.”

        Logan’s eyebrow raised, but he said nothing. He jotted something down in a notebook.

        “And you have to lose the tie.”

        “Why?” asked Logan, genuinely confused.

        “Nobody wears ties to school unless they have to dress up. Don’t you own, like, a single t-shirt or something?”

        Horror flashed across Logan’s face. “Why would I wear a t-shirt to school?”

        “So you look like a normal human teenager and not a child trying to run for president.”

        Logan pursed his lips but wrote in his notebook again.

        Virgil took a breath. “Tomorrow, try wearing jeans, a nice t-shirt, and an unzipped hoodie. And brush your bangs forward a bit, your hair doesn’t have to all be going in the same direction.”

        Logan looked at Virgil like he had told Logan to wear nothing but a bathrobe to school, but he wrote it all down.

        And the next day, Logan walked up to Virgil at his locker, wearing skinny jeans with a brown belt, a long-sleeve gray and white raglan, and a green hoodie. He had his hair swept to the side, falling gently over his forehead, just high enough so it didn’t impede his vision.

        “Whoa.” Virgil grinned at Logan.

        Logan smiled sheepishly back, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “I feel ridiculous.”

        “You look great, man,” said Virgil. And he really meant it. He could already feel a difference in the energy surrounding Logan. He could feel the other students no longer seeing him as an outlier or a stranger, but as someone who could be anyone else in the school. He’s one of us, they seemed to think out loud.

        And, for the first time, Virgil realized that Logan was actually a really attractive guy. He just hadn’t known how to express himself. For some reason, Logan had tried to confine himself to a professional, more mature style. But in this outfit, he looked comfortable, relaxed, more laid-back and easygoing. Though he was almost definitely nervous of switching up his style so suddenly, Virgil could see in the way he carried himself that Logan felt more like himself in this outfit, not trying to prove to everyone that he’s someone he’s not.

        They began walking down the hallway. “The most important thing about wearing this today is being confident in it. It won’t have as much of an impact if you doubt yourself.” Virgil said. “I know it’s a big change, but you’ve got to believe that you do look good.”

        “You told me I did,” Logan said. “I have no reason to distrust you.”

        As they walked, a few kids in the opposite direction smiled or nodded hello to Logan. He smiled back

        “How do you feel?’ Virgil asked.

        “I feel good.” Logan nodded. “I had no idea how much something as small as what I wore could have an effect on how I’m perceived.”

        “You’re already starting to seem like a real person to the others,” Virgil smiled. “Keep this up and I’d bet anything you could get any girl in the school.”

        Logan laughed out loud. “We’ll see. How did you do on the pop quiz in Geometry yesterday?”

        “I got a B,” Virgil grinned.

        “Well, that’s certainly an improvement, but I know you can do more. Are you free again this afternoon?”

        Virgil sighed. God forbid he be proud of less than his best. “Yeah, my place again?”

        Logan nodded and turned into his first period classroom for the day.

        As the days passed, Virgil slowly grew more confident in his abilities to learn and understand things himself. He noticed that he started asking questions in class when he was lost, and he noticed seeing Logan smirk with pride every time.

        Logan slowly grew more accustomed to social interaction. His robotic syntax and word choice didn’t change, but with the change in style, it began to seem quirky and intelligent rather than just arrogant. And though he still, with nothing but good and helpful intentions, corrected anyone who was wrong about anything, Virgil helped him to do it without making the other person feel stupid. Logan made friends, built connections, and started making a place for himself in the school.

        Virgil soon became confident in his ability to study and learn things on his own, which was a huge source of pride for him. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to properly study. As one last benchmark, Logan went an entire chapter without tutoring or explaining anything to Virgil.

        At the end of the chapter, his teacher handed him his test, upside down, with a pleased smile. Virgil turned over the paper to see a 96% A crowning the top.

        Virgil ran up to Logan at the end of the class as they walked out together. “I can’t believe I did it!”

        Logan grinned. “Congratulations.”

        “Man, I could not have done this without you. Thank you so much for everything,” said Virgil.

        “You’re welcome.”

        Virgil pulled his phone out. “Do you want to come over today? I have to text my mom but I know she’ll be fine with it.”

        Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “Is there another class you’re having trouble with?”

        “What?” Virgil looked up at him. “No, no. Not for studying. Just to hang out.”

        Logan raised his eyebrows.

        “Like, for fun?” Virgil continued.

        Logan’s face lit up. “Okay. Sure.”

        He turned and walked away, beaming. As Virgil watched him go, a realization hit him. He had been trying for so long to get his life back to normal, back to being alone and untethered. But now, he’d never be able go back to that life.

        “Goddamn,” he muttered.

        Virgil Terek had one friend.

        He walked away, shaking his head and laughing at himself, but unable to keep a smile off his face.

[petuniatom]

No. 1 Party Anthem [2] | College!Tom AU

Pairing: College!DJ!Bartender/Barista!Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: You’re coming up on your last year of college, grappling with finally getting ready for the actual “adult” world and being in two majors you’re not crazily passionate about. When you’re in the middle of a stressful essay at your favorite local coffee shop/upstairs bar, Dommo’s, you meet Tom Holland, a barista and bartender.

You slowly get to know each other over sangria, and soon enough manage to slip your way into his world where the days don’t usually end until about 5 a.m., music is everything, and uncertainty is your best friend.

A story about late night laments, sangria, and a whole lot of growing up.

SERIES MASTERLIST | Ch. 1

Word count: 5.8K

A/N: Hello! Long time no post! Here’s the long awaited update. It’s a little bit more exposition here, but part three is when it starts getting a little bit more spicy. Primarily, we’re focusing on watching the reader developing more of her other friendships here. But stay tuned for pt. 3 which will be coming very soon!

“I don’t see why we couldn’t just go to Dommo’s,” you whined.

You’d been waiting nearly an hour in line outside of Over & Easy with Tony and Jacob. The day before, you made them promise to get mimosas with you Saturday morning, following their late-night adventures and your Friday night essay-writing. While Over & Easy was one of the best spots in town for brunch food, its popularity meant usually there was a battle for those wanting to get inside.

Jacob and Tony, rather than accepting your quiet suggestion to head over to Dommo’s, were insistent that Over & Easy was the best idea for today. Though it was bound to be busy, Tony was craving their french toast and Jacob said their mimosas were better deals anyway. (After all, Saturdays usually meant pitchers for $5, so he wasn’t wrong.)

“You just went there yesterday!” Tony said. “And we rarely come to Over & Easy.”

“C’mon, it’s good to do something different every once and a while,” Jacob said, nudging you.

“Well, it’s just for a place that’s named Over & Easy it just seems to be the exact opposite,” you huffed.

Jacob snickered, and Tony rolled his eyes at your statement.

“What’s going on with you? Why do you want to go to Dommo’s so badly?” Tony asked.

“My car is there,” you said. Tony and Jacob shot each other a look. You knew the jig was up; these boys could read you almost too well. “All right, I met someone there yesterday. He was really nice. And I wanted to see him again because I forgot to get his number.”

Tony and Jacob let out a long, “Ooooh,” at your response.

“Well, I hear all the Dommo’s bartenders and baristas are kind of fuck boys, Y/N, so it might be well-worth your time to just skidaddle anyway,” Tony said. “But I mean, if you want to meet him, just pop-in for more coffee or something when you go get your car.”

You bit your lip. “I know, but he just didn’t seem like the usual type for Dommo’s. He actually seemed nice, like he wanted to talk to me. He listened to me complain about my major for like two hours, and gave me free sangria. You don’t just give anyone free sangria.”

“We do every week,” Jacob replied, lifting his arms up. “Whine and Wine, c’mon.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Yes, but we’re close friends. This guy was a stranger.”

“Doesn’t our roommate work at Dommo’s?” Tony asked, slightly scrunching his face up.

Jacob shook his head. “No, you idiot. He works at Wilson’s.”

“I swore he told me that once,” Tony muttered, shaking his head.

At that moment, your group’s name was called out, and you were ushered to a table in the back that seated four. You all ordered a round of mimosas, but you were all going to stick to just that — only one. Tony and Jacob were admittedly a little bit hungover still from last night, and while you were fine, you thought it’d be good to still hold off after all the sangria you drank the night before.

You chatted with both Jacob and Tony about how classes were going so far. Tony was going to have a stressful upcoming week, considering he had an exam coming up in one of his chemistry classes. Jacob, however, was going to be able to take it easy this week. He was a film and acting student, and he only had to worry about a group project he was going to be tackling soon. For the most part though, he was more thrilled than anything when it came to its progress so far, discussing how he met this new girl named Zendaya he wanted to integrate into the friend group.

“She’s a great actress and one of the most laid-back girls I’ve ever met in my life,” Jacob said.

“What is she studying?” you asked, lifting your eyebrows up.

“Women studies and music theory, but she’s heavily involved in the theater scene too.”

“You have to invite her for whine and wine. We need someone new in the mix,” Tony insisted. He then turned to you. “Are you inviting anyone new?”

“Maybe Brynn,” you mused, shrugging.

Jacob and Tony both groaned.

They hadn’t completely warmed up to your friend after an ill-fated incident at a previous party where she, in a completely drunken haze, decided to start jumping on Tony’s already fragile bed, and ended up breaking it. They hadn’t seen her since, slightly agitating the relationship between them and her. In her defense, she did help Tony pay for a new headboard and whatnot. So she wasn’t completely disgraced — just not a favorite to have around.

“You know what that means, time to lock all the bedrooms,” Tony huffed.

You giggled at your friends response, shaking your head. “I don’t think she’ll do something like that again. Besides, it’ll be good to have her around again. You guys can actually get to know her this time around. She’s a good person to complain with.”

“Why couldn’t you just get the bartender’s number and invite him instead?” Tony griped. You knew he was (mostly) kidding, but you were a little bit sad when you realized how fun it would be to invite Tom to Jacob and Tony’s parties on Wednesday nights. You could sit in the corner and chat, sipping on more wine and just get to know each other.

“More mimosas?” your waitress asked, approaching your table.

“I think we’re going to stick to water now,” Jacob replied, thanking her.

After a surplus of french toast and laughing, you were soon walking along the street toward Dommo’s to pick up your car.

Chatter consumed the world around you and you weaved in between all the people who were heading toward their own hangover brunch. You couldn’t help smiling, thinking of how you loved your college town for all its quirks.

As you headed in front of Dommo’s, you immediately spotted your car in one of the two hour free-lots, groaning when you realized you’d gotten a parking ticket for exceeding on your allotted time. It was a $35 ticket — not the worst you’d ever gotten downtown, but still not great.

Figuring you had nothing to lose still, you popped your head inside, scanning the room for Tom.

You sighed when you realized he wasn’t inside, but told yourself that you could maybe make a run by another time. He still owed you that latté that he talked to you about last night anyway. Either way, you headed back to your car, tucking the parking ticket in your glove box.

***

Over the course of the weekend, you quickly got over Tom. You fixated on your homework that was due Monday and Tuesday, burned some candles, and caught up on your favorite television shows. He turned from your brief confidanté into a passing memory.

Soon enough, you were back in your poli-sci class, plopped next to Brynn on the left side of the classroom as your professor lectured. You were nervous about today. He’d sent out an email before class that said he would be handing back papers today — a paper you rushed to complete and barely glanced over. You knew your grade was bound to be fucked by the time you got yours.

While your thoughts spiralized, your classmates were consumed in a debate over the topic of the paper. You heard Brynn contribute to the discussion and you started to doodle on your notebook, in hopes of temporarily escaping your thought process.

You then felt Brynn nudge you, a typical cue for when she needed you to back her up on something. You figured it was the typical conservative boys in the corner giving her trouble, and lifted your head up.

“What’s going on?” you whispered in her ear. “I’ve been tuned out.”

She snickered. “Nothing really, just Brad and Chad here are saying that voter fraud is the reason Hillary Clinton won the popular vote, and it’s an epidemic across the country. No racist history behind voter laws whatsoever.”

You rolled your eyes. Of course, your poli-sci discussion always turned into this at one point. You typically enjoyed the debates a little bit more, but since it was still within the first month, you were in the less compelling element of class. You were less enthusiastic about the fact that you were currently stuck in this class with two of your least favorite fellow political science majors — Carter Higgins and Quentin Carver. They’d followed you through the political science classes since your freshman year, but most of the time, you were fortunate enough to only have one of them. This semester, you got both of them.

You were grateful when your professor decided to cut off the discussion early to hand back papers. You slumped back in your seat, somewhat eager to see your grade and yet not prospective about how it was bound to look.

Soon enough, your professor called out your name. Your fingers felt jittery as you walked up to the front, and grabbed the folded paper from his hand, and returned to your seat.

You unfolded the packet of paper carefully. You were surprised when you saw in red pen on the front a giant “A” and a note from him that said, “Excellent job.”

A wave of relief washed over you. You slumped back into your chair, this time in pure disbelief.

“What did you get?” Brynn asked, leaning over to spot it. “Holy shit, first paper and you already aced it. He’s a tough grader too. Congrats.”

You’d heard of this particular professor’s reputation before throughout others who took his class, so you were familiar with some of the horror stories when it came to grading. You knew it wasn’t just you who helped coordinate all of this, as your mind wandered back to your Friday night in Dommo’s and the bartender who was kind enough to look over your paper.

You focused back on Brynn. “Thanks! How did you do?”

She frowned, “B+, but still good. Better than I expected, that’s for sure.”

You packed up your things into your backpack, waiting patiently for everyone to be handed back their papers. Once everyone had, he gave a short overview of what to do on future papers, should anyone need help and reiterated his office hours incase anyone wanted to chat about their grade. Shortly after, everyone was dismissed, and you slung your backpack back over your shoulder. There was a bounce in your step as you approached the door to the classroom, but right as you were getting ready to leave, your professor called your name again.

You turned around, facing him. “Yes, Professor McKinley?”

“I was really impressed with your paper, Y/N. It was one of the best I’ve seen right off the bat in this class. You have a fairly impressive future ahead of you,” he said.

You were flattered by the statement. Sure, you excelled in all of your political science courses, and you were glad you were already doing well in this class in particular. Yet, the thought of the future still somewhat terrified you. You wanted to tell this professor so badly that you had no idea how you were going to handle things following this school year, and the last thing you thought the future would be for you was “impressive.”

“I’m currently looking for an undergraduate student to be a research assistant and join my team,” he continued. “I think you would be perfect for the job if you’re interested. I need someone that I know can analyze, write, and work well with others. Currently, I just have one person, Carter Higgins actually, who works with me, but I always like to have another person around while campaign season unfolds.”

You gulped. You weren’t sure if you wanted to work alongside Carter; you hated him. Yet, this was a tremendous opportunity. Professor McKinley was one of the most well-connected professors politically. If you wanted a job at a non-profit or in a politician’s office, he almost always had a way in. If you joined and impressed him, you could ride on his coattails.

“What exactly would I be responsible for?”

“Just doing research, maybe picking up some books from the library. We’d go to different parties of political candidates as well. You might accompany me to a few panels as the election approaches, all sorts of things. It’s a great opportunity to network and learn more about political research.”

You bit your lip. Admittedly, you didn’t like your current job so much. It’d be nice to do something during the school year that focused on what you were passionate about.

“I’d love to do it,” you said.

He beamed. “Great, I’ll send you a link tonight to apply. I’m looking forward to working with you, Y/N.”

You gave him a polite thank you, before exiting the room. Brynn was outside, leaning against a wall and waiting for you. You smiled when you saw her.

“What was that all about?” she asked, synchronizing with your step as you both exited the building.

“Professor McKinley just asked me to work for him and do something political research,” you said, not meaning to brag, but well, it did sound that way.

You hated whenever you talked to Brynn about things like this. While she was an amazing friend, she was prone to jealousy and being competitive. A lot of the times, that manifested in your friendship with one another.

You could tell she was a little bit envious about the offer you received, and you felt a little bit guilty. Soon enough, a smile was on her face. You weren’t sure how genuine it was.

“That’s good. You’re going to get a lot of good networking out of that,” she said. “Congratulations!”

And yet, it felt forced. You weren’t sure just why you felt so guilty. Normally, if something like this happened, you would wave off the person who was exhibiting this kind of jealousy. But it was Brynn, and Brynn was one of the most passionate people you’d ever met. She genuinely cared about political science; it was her life ambition. The opportunity would have meant so much more than a resume line and connections to her.

“Thanks,” you replied. “But here’s the downside, I have to work with Carter Higgins.”

She groaned and you felt a little bit better in knowing you could now joke with her about the offer.

“I fucking hate that kid. He thinks he’s so important just because he’s a man and knows how to walk on two legs,” Brynn muttered. “Timmy Turner lookin-ass.”

You giggled at your friend’s string of insults. None of them were inaccurate.

“Speaking of Carter, why were you so spacey today? I needed your back-up.”

You let out a long sigh, uneasy how to best navigate the conversation. You didn’t want to agitate the whole friendship you had between you and Brynn, since you’d known she spent all week working on the paper. You knew she was going to judge you just a little bit for your lack of promptness with the paper, particularly since you’d gotten the special offer from Professor McKinley.

So you settled for, “Oh, I’ve just been anxious all day.”

“Why?”

You hadn’t thought that far along yet.

“Just a number of different things,” you said slowly. You decided your best bet was to slowly spin off the truth. “And like, I don’t know, I was nervous about my grade on the paper because I didn’t think it was my best work, and like, this one is going to sound a little bit lackluster, but I met this cute boy this weekend. We flirted for a few hours and I really liked him, but I forgot to get his number.”

It was an exaggeration to an extent, but for the most part, there was no lie.

“Oh that always sucks. I’ve done something like that before,” she replied, frowning slightly. “But hey, maybe you’ll bump into him again sometime soon. And like, I feel you on the anxiety in general, because I get that all the time.”

You felt yourself simmer down after her response. There were so many reasons you liked Brynn, but primarily because she never invalidated you when you talked about the things that were stressing you out. Even if they were just small things like forgetting to get a boy’s number at a bar.

“So, tell me about the boy,” she nudged you on.

You smiled and recounted how you met Tom to her, and how you opened yourself up to him so immediately it surprised you. You told her how sweet he was, how he waited to ensure you were comfortable with him giving you a ride home and in making sure you got home safely to begin with.

“Wow, you’re smitten by someone you’d only met for maybe two hours,” Brynn remarked.

You laughed. “I know, highly unlikely for me right?” You shook your head, your eyes slightly sparkling. “Some people are just magnetic, though, you know? And I think he’s one of those rare types.”

Brynn donned a smile at your words. “I honestly never thought I’d see the day where you were so flustered over another person. Who knew Dommo’s would put something like this together, huh?”

Brynn was reasonably surprised. In all the years that she’d known you, you’d never really pursued a relationship with another person. Often when someone was interested, you’d go on a date, but it almost always turned into nothing besides maybe a brief fling. This was the first time she saw you genuinely entranced by another person since you’d both been at college.

It was just that you were a total stickler about dating people you felt like were just as motivated as you were. Or at least, people who could keep up with you in terms of interests and banter. Other potential significant others you’d met over the years were great, but you always felt like you were never fully understood by them.

There was something different about this thing with Tom. Finding common ground wasn’t an issue. He got you.

“Hopefully it stays a thing. I haven’t seen him since, remember?” you continued. “And I don’t know how to see him again considering I don’t exactly have his phone number or anything like that?”

“Well, hopefully we’ll find him somehow. Worse come to worse, just run to the studio on Friday and see if he’s around. Or go to Dommo’s again somehow. If he works there as much as he says he does, I’m sure you’ll bump into him eventually.”

***

It was Wednesday night, which only meant one thing for your friend group — Whine and Wine time. You pulled the Yellowtail you’d been saving in your cabinet out, placed it in a bag, and walked over to Jacob and Tony’s apartment.

When you first moved out of the dorms, you knew you wanted to live by yourself. Jacob and Tony desperately wanted you to move into their apartment, but you had a feeling that if you shared a home with them, you wouldn’t be able to handle their living habits. Even so, the three of you agreed to live in the same apartment complex anyway — that way if you ever wanted to hang out or get drunk at the others’ apartment, it wouldn’t be a far distance.

You’d arrived at their front door in less than five minutes. Jacob’s eyes brightened considerably when he opened the door and saw you, and you gave him a tight hug. You were the second person there; the first being Laura, who was an expert at making sangria and was helping them out.

Granted, the general rule in your friend group was to typically arrive 30 minutes after the planned time. So by that standard, you were still about 15 minutes early.

“You’re not going to believe who’s coming today,” Jacob said as soon as you walked into the apartment.

You raised an eyebrow, setting the yellowtail you brought on the counter. “Who?”

“Our roommate,” Tony said from the couch. He was sprawled across it, already half a wine glass into the night. “Can you believe it? I invited him, not really thinking he’d say yes, and he texted back that he’d love to come!”

“He’s gonna be here around 8 o’clock,” Jacob said, nodding his head.

You grinned. “Way to include him in the friend group finally, guys!”

“You’re awfully excited, Y/N,” Laura remarked from the kitchen.

“Okay, they’ve been telling me about this guy for a while now, and he’s so mysterious like- I’m just curious about him. Where does he go? What does he do? Is he cute?”

“She’s going to scare him off within the first five minutes of being here,” Tony said.

You rolled your eyes. “Or maybe he’ll be happy that someone is finally acting interested in his life around here. You guys just ignore him!”

Jacob raised his hand. “In my defense, I try talking to him. Tony barely acknowledges him in the kitchen.”

“I don’t,” Tony admitted. “It’s just weird, like what do we talk about?”

“Wait, so in the morning if you’re like in the kitchen at the same time you guys just stand there in silence?” Laura asked.

You nodded your head. “Tony does at least.”

Laura shot him a look. “You don’t at least say hi or anything?” Tony shrugged again, and Laura rolled her eyes, slightly giggling. “No wonder he doesn’t really come home!”

“I’m trying now!” Tony attested, lifting up his glass of wine for another sip.

“He’s redeeming himself,” you joked. “Speaking of redemption, you know my good friend Brynn, she’s coming tonight. And I think we should give her a chance again, okay?”

Both Tony and Jacob groaned again.

“I’m already at max capacity tonight, Y/N! She broke my bed!” Tony protested.

Laura giggled from the kitchen and you rolled your eyes. “Guys, c’mon. She’s so much fun. Might be a little bit judgey from time to time but like a good friend.”

Jacob shrugged. “Listen, I’m usually just joking about all of this. I don’t actually have a problem with her. If you say she’s good, I believe you.”

Tony was pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m locking my bedroom door.”

You stuck out your tongue at him, before turning to Jacob and asking, “And what about your friend?”

Jacob frowned. “She’s not coming tonight. She couldn’t make it.”

Tony sat up straight. “What?!”

Jacob shrugged again. “She said she was busy! She seemed disappointed, so maybe some other night.”

Tony let out a long sigh. “I hope she comes eventually. We need more friends around here,” he said.

Laura then started pouring herself a glass of sangria from the pitcher. She offered some to you, which you naturally accepted.

It was good, but not even close to the quality of sangria Tom made you at Dommo’s. But even so, you were content with it.

“Damn, she’s missing out on some great sangria,” you complimented, taking another sip.

Slowly, more of your friends started piling into the apartment. Abraham, Sally, and some people you didn’t know well started walking in right around 7:30 p.m., exactly when you expected more of the crowd to show up. You nudged Tony over and sat on the edge of the couch. Laura sat on the other side of Tony, while Jacob primarily played host by greeting everyone who came in.

Brynn came next, after the large wave of people. She plopped on the ground in front of you, and you could see Tony eyeing her. You knew he was genuinely wary around her, and you couldn’t help giggling slightly at their dynamic.

Brynn started making conversation with Tony, and surprisingly, he was receptive to it. You were only half-tuned into their discussion, as you sipped more of your sangria and enjoyed being slightly antisocial for a long moment.

“So when are we going to start complaining or start group games?” one of Jacob and Tony’s friend that you hadn’t met yet asked.

That was another tradition of whine and wine — when you weren’t crying over your week, you were usually sitting together in a circle playing Cards Against Humanity or more likely, King’s Cup.

“Soon as my roommate gets here,” Jacob said. “We’re waiting on him and a friend to officially get started.”

You all gathered around in different sections across the room to begin catching up. You mostly pursued conversation with Laura, talking about her classes and what life had been like as an accounting major.

Every now and then, you glanced over at Tony and Brynn, who were still having somewhat of a decent conversation. Tony seemed less uneasy about opening up to Brynn now, as his animosity from Brynn breaking his bed was now gone. Laura nudged you about it, placing bets that by the end of the night they would hook-up.

You wandered over to Jacob, who was pouring some more wine for himself over by the kitchen.

“They’re getting along well now, huh?” you whispered, gesturing over to Brynn and Tony.

Jacob snickered. “You know how Tony is. You think the two of them will be good for each other?”

You cocked your head. “I think they have the potential to be. Either they’re going to mortal enemies or soulmates.” Jacob laughed.

But then, the door swung open. You knew who it was going to be even before Jacob leaned over to say it. It was the mysterious third roommate — the one that you’d heard so much information about, but had never met. You felt your heart pick up its pace, ready to make your judgements as soon as the door came to a close.

Two heads poked their way in the apartment. The first was a tall, blond man, with broad shoulders and a serious expression. As you weaved your way through your own memory, you realized you didn’t recognize the face. And it didn’t seem to fit the descriptor Jacob and Tony t0ld you about since they’d moved into this apartment. They told you their third roommate was on the shorter side, and this guy seemed to be fairly average in height, if not higher than average, all together.

But, even more surprising was when you were able to see the second head that stuck its head through the crack of the door. You knew the face; it’d been a face you’d been looking for almost extensively over the course of the past few days. And now, there he was — Tom himself. He was standing right in front of you, with an inquisitive and apprehensive expression across his face as his eyes surveyed over the room. With the ways his eyes moved with ease, like he knew the apartment itself, you knew at once he was the mysterious third roommate Jacob and Tony had been talking about so much.

You laughed to yourself about the irony of it all. You’d been looking for him for so long it felt like, and now, he was right under your nose after all this time.

His eyes brightened once they connected with yours.

“Oh, Y/N, my roommate is here,” Jacob said, nudging you. “Tom! There’s someone I want you to meet!”

He weaved his way over to you and Jacob in the kitchen, his blond friend following closely behind.

“Tom, this is Y/N,” Jacob said, gesturing toward you. “She’s a friend of mine and Tony.”

Tom shoved his hands in his pockets. “Oh, Y/N and I actually know each other. We met Dommo’s this weekend.” He gave you a quick head nod, and you smiled.

Jacob raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?” He shot a look over at you. You could tell by his reaction that it was all clicking in his head — the way you were eying Tom, the conversation you’d had at Over & Easy, the fact that Tom said you’d already met, and more.

“Yeah, Tom was really helpful to me when I was complaining over that paper I had to write for pols. He even proofread it for me,” you replied.

Jacob nodded his head, a small smirk tugging on his lips. It was all the confirmation he needed. You tried not to blush.

“This is my mate, Harrison by the way,” Tom said, gesturing over to the tall blond boy standing next to him. He stayed relatively quiet throughout the introduction, but now he gave you and Jacob a quick greeting. He was a fellow Brit, you learned quickly. “Harrison, this is Y/N and then Jacob, who is my flatmate. The other one is somewhere around here.”

Jacob and you both gave a quick wave.

“Welcome to your first whine and wine,” Jacob said. “There’s sangria over in the corner, and all the wine is communal usually, so feel free to drink whatever. No one really gives a shit here, we all just try to get drunk and complain.”

Harrison and Tom both grinned.

“Now that’s what I’m down for, mate,” Harrison said, and all of you laughed.

Tom and Harrison excused themselves from the conversation to get a drink. Jacob shot you a look again.

“So that bartender you’ve been obsessed with is my roommate?” he asks.

“It appears so,” you replied, cocking your head. “And I’m not obsessed with him. Just… curious.”

Jacob chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh, whatever. I know you.”

You gave a pout. “I’ve only met him once.”

Jacob shrugged. “Just saying, for meeting only once, he obviously left an impression on you.”

And in truth, Jacob was absolutely right. You were enamoured by Tom in a way you couldn’t quite explain. There was just something about him that you were still trying to decipher.

You weren’t sure if you’d met anyone like him before.

Tom wandered back over to you and Jacob, Harrison closely in tow. He lifted up his glass of sangria, in somewhat of a cheering motion.

“Sangria isn’t so bad, huh?” you asked him, as he took a sip out of the glass.

Tom shook his head, a small smile curling up on his lips. “Do you like it better than mine?”

You pursed your lips. “Yours is definitely the best I’ve had.”

You could tell Jacob and Harrison were surprised by how easily the two of you got into conversation, but they weren’t quite fully sure on the context behind the topic at hand.

“At the bar I work at, I make sangria a lot of the time,” Tom explained. “I’m always trying out new recipes. Y/N was one of the few to try a new one I made the other day.”

“It was really good,” you replied, nodding your head.

“Well, you’ll have to bring it over to Whine and Wine sometime. I think we need more of that around here, if anything. The more alcohol, the better,” Jacob said. He was met by the chuckles of both Tom and Harrison. “But, we’re going to start a game soon if you guys want to jump in. We usually play Cards Against Humanity, or like King’s Cup which is a fun drinking game.”

Tom shook his head. “I think I’ll hold off for now.”

“I’ll jump in,” Harrison offered.

Jacob shot you a meaningful look.

“I’ll hang back,” you said swiftly. “I’ll kick in though after a few rounds, okay?”

Jacob seemed a bit disappointed by your answer, and you knew it had a partial role in the fact that earlier in the week, you’d turned down hanging out with Jacob and Tony at all of those parties. But he could handle himself. This was the first time you were seeing Tom in a while, and you wanted to get to know him better.

Jacob and Harrison both headed over to the living room, where the whole crowd of attendees were hanging out. You tried to stop your hands from fidgeting when you realized you were alone with Tom now.

“I got a job because of your excellent proofreading skills,” you said, a bit abruptly. “Thank you for that.”

Tom’s eyebrows raised at your statement, and a small grin curled up on his lips. “Really? Where?”

You explained how it was a research assistant job, but the professor it was attached to had multiple connections that were bound to help your own prospective career. You mentioned how you got one of the best grades in the class compared to the other students on the paper, and how he’d noticed it.

Tom nodded his head and his eyes stayed fixated on your face as he talked. It was a bit strange, being able to talk to someone with them being so intent in paying attention in what you had to say. It was so typical in college for all the people you were usually around to maybe check their phone every now and then, or at some point, their eyes would slightly glaze over as you spoke. But that wasn’t the case with Tom. Not at all.

He was attentive and engaged. His coffee eyes were soft, but with kindness, rather than with a lack of interest.

“Congratulations,” Tom said finally, when you were done explaining the premise of your new job. “It sounds like you’re a perfect fit for it.”

“Yeah, m’pretty stoked about it,” you replied, shrugging slightly. “I know I gave you all that talk about how it’s not necessarily my passion, but like I actually think this could be good.”

Tom nodded his head. “At least gives you the hope that you’re going somewhere after college. Which means you’re probably doing better than the rest of us.”

You grinned. “Tom, it seems like you have it pretty together.” He snorted, but you continued. “I mean seriously, you host a good radio show, and from the small interaction we’ve had together, you seem pretty emotionally in-tune. Which is more than you could say about most of the men that I’ve met.”

He snickered. “Well, you haven’t gotten to know me super well yet, so maybe hold off on making a lot of judgements yet. I don’t know if emotionally in-tune is necessarily the best way to describe me.”

You bit your lip, and said softly, “I think I’d like to get to know you better though.” Tom raised an eyebrow. “I just think we could be good friends is all. And you live with two of my best friends, as I’ve learned after today. So, might as well, right?”

You’d backed off a little bit, thinking maybe your initial move was a bit too forward. But thankfully, Tom followed along with it.

“Yeah, if anything, you should come by Dommo’s again sometime soon,” he replied. “After all, I still owe you that latté.”

[fanatic-writers]

New Kid In Town: Bye Bye Birdie

A/n: Guess who’s back. Back again. G is back. For like a week cause school sucks but at least it’s Spring break and G still can't come up with a title to save her life. I have to write a fic for a contest I entered, but I wrote this instead... sorry? I kinda think it sucks, but I hate everything I write so. Let me know if you have any ideas for how this series should end should it be a happy ending? Should Tho hook up with the reader? Or maybe Nat does idk fam... this is a work in progress cause I have like two ideas for this fic, but nothing is set in stone, so you’re ideas are much appreciated -G

Paring Loki x reader? Thor x reader? Tony x reader? fuck if I know 

Warnings: shit writing and some bad language words (Sorry Stevie)

(WHY AREN”T THERE ANY YOUNG TO HIDDLESTON GIFS WHERE DO I NEED TO BE LOOKING?????)

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Every day was slightly worse than the last. It had only been a few days since Loki and his family had had dinner with Y/n And her parents, but things were already changing. Not just with her but with the others. Tony was getting worse too, new nicknames were thrown in Loki's direction, and they weren't even creative. 

He was sitting with Wanda, Clint, and the others just like every other day. Except today carrots were being launched in their direction and Loki had just gotten hit square in the back. 

“I swear if they throw another one I'm going to lose it,” Clint grumbled “Bruce hand me your lunch box,” 

“What? No!” Bruce protested as Clint grabbed it from him anyways 

“There's nothing I can throw in here,” Clint pointed out tossing the empty ziplock bags to the side, Loki chuckled.

“You'll only make it worse Clint, just leave it,” Wanda sighed

“No,” Clint retorted as another carrot went flying “this is bullshit and you know it's she's only doing it because she thinks she can get away with it!” 

“She's not even the one throwing them,” Scott spoke up “It's the dude who’s trying to grow a beard, and it looks awful.” Loki stole a quick glance at the table watching the others laugh while Tony threw another carrot nearly missing Loki's face. 

“He's after me,” Loki sighed “I can move if you want, you shouldn't get caught in the crossfire.” 

“It's fine we’re used to it by now,” Wanda reassured him as another carrot hit the table 

“Would you stop it!?” a familiar voice rang through the cafeteria silencing the noise “What are you five? I'd figure by now you'd be more mature than the freshman.” 

“Calm down Y/n it’s just a little fun,” Tony replied as Nat laughed 

Y/n looked to Thor who was the only other silent student in their group at the moment “Yeah whatever, I've got things to do I'll see you guys later.” with that Y/n grabbed her tray before throwing it in the trash, she hesitated as she passed by Loki's table. 

“I- I'm sorry for them” the girl started 

“Don't strain yourself,” Clint replied receiving a smack from Wanda as Y/n walked away.

“Loki, wait!” Loki sighed as he stopped walking when he heard his brothers voice behind him 

“Yes?” the boy replied

“I figured we could walk home,” Thor answered, he looked disheveled and confused 

“Y/n stopped giving you tides too?” Loki smirked

“For the record, she never stopped giving you a ride you stopped accepting them. I don't know what's going on with her she's seemed hesitant to be seen anywhere with me outside of school,” he told him 

“Maybe she's trying to get rid of you?” 

“I don't know, she seems upset about something, but she won't tell anyone. She even told me she couldn't give me a ride because of rehearsal, but when I went to the theater, they said she wasn't called in for the day.” 

“Weird,” Loki replied “I don't know her that well but that doesn't seem normal,” 

“Exactly,” Thor looked down at his feet as they walked “you know what else is weird?” 

“What?” 

“She never stops talking about you, not until recently when she started acting strangely. If those other things weren't going on, I'd say she'd finally come to her senses I mean why talk about you when she has me?” Thor smiled, and Loki chuckled

“OH because you're soooo cool,” Loki mocked him “Look at me! I'm a bottle blonde who likes sports like everyone else!” 

“At least I have a hobby and don't spend my days locked in my room,” Thor retorted 

“I have plenty of hobbies,” Loki replied as they walked into their home 

“Like what?” Thor looked at his brother 

“Like,” Loki hesitated “Like writing and stuff,” 

“And stuff?” Thor laughed opening the room to his door, Loki's eyes went wide when he saw a figure sitting on his brother's bed.

“I'll um… I'll give you two some space.” Loki said as he started to walk away but Y/n’s voice stopped him.

“No, please stay, this is something you both need to hear, from me.”

Thor looked at his brother, and Loki hesitantly walked further into the room, Y/n had looked as if she had been crying and Loki wan never good at comforting people. 

“I’m sorry this is creepy as fuck, but I had to tell you guys I couldn’t risk you two ending up thinking of me the same way Clint and the others do.” she hesitated “I mean we’re neighbors we can't awkwardly hate each other, and there are cul de sac parties that would just be even more of a living hell than they already are.”

Thor sat on his bed next to her, and she looked at her hands as if she had written a script on them and had lost her place. Loki took a seat on the desk across from them still feeling slightly awkward and out of place. 

“My parents,” she spoke up again “well to put it simply their assholes, they dictate my entire life because apparently, I can’t make my own decisions. They-they don’t want me hanging out with you guys anymore. According to them your bad influences and it’s pathetic, but I can’t risk them even finding out I'm here and, and” Y/n was on the brink of tears 

“Is that why you don’t hang out with Wanda?” Loki finally spoke up

She nodded “I kept trying, Id go to her house and say I was going to Clint’s and then they found out. They literally drove to her house and dragged me home. That’s when they decided they hated Clint too. Bruce and I used to study every Friday and one day they thought we were getting a little too friendly and suddenly he was banned from the house and I had a tutor. Scott and I had one school project together, and I suggested we work at my place, I guess I was enjoying myself too much because when I went to school the next day I was paired up with Tony and Scott was pissed. I can’t even stand half the people at my table, and I think that’s why they approve of them, I never invite them over so they aren’t a distraction and the only one who’s ever over is and her parents work at the school, so that makes them ok.” she sighed “I’m sorry I didn’t come here to give you my sob story.”

Thor put an arm around her “It’s alright, we’ll find a way to make this work somehow.” 

“No,” she started “if Nat’s parents see us together, and they will, we’re fucked”

“It’s not like their Russian spies,” Loki smirked, “if you want to hang out we’ll find somewhere.”

“They might as well be,” She hesitated “look I gotta go if my parents realize I’m not home this is the first place they’ll look.”

The brothers walked her to the back door, and she apologized again before she left. Loki made his way back to his room, and his brother did the same. Honestly, he didn't know why he was so upset about Y/n not being able to talk to him; it’s not like they talked much anyways. Maybe it’s because her parents had practically ruined her life or maybe it was because she was the only bearable thing at his school. Loki shook the thought out of his head. No way was he going to catch feelings, he would not let this be another Romeo and Juliet story. He looked out his window and towards hers, her blinds were up and always curtains parted just enough for him to see into her life. She was practicing her violin when the door opened, and her father walked in, clearly angry. The argument seemed to last hours incoherent yelling between the two ending with the door slamming shut and Y/n on her bed. Covers pulled over her head her face presumably buried in her pillow. Loki wished he could teleport into her room, hold her, do something. Then again he and his brother were probably the cause of the fight, and he was certain he’d just make things worse. 

The next day Y/n didn't even talk to the brothers, and Thor sat with Loki at lunch claiming he didn’t want to make things worse. Loki hadn't told him what he saw last night, but Thor seemed to know. Despite Clint being an ass, as usual, the rest of the group accepted Thor with fairly opened arms.

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A/n: sorry if that sucked but it’s what I came up with in my still semi-sick state. requests are open and I’m like 10 away from 1,000 so let me know if you guys wanna do something for that. -G

[dearlovelylittleme]

The Story of Us

I don’t think I had ever wanted my phone to ring as much as I did that Easter. I was waiting, wanted so desperately for him to call. It made me feel insane, how much had happened in the past month. 

It almost made me question everything...

I kept switching back and forth between being so madly in love with him and wanting to run away as quickly as possible. 

I remember so clearly laying down on the beach chair in Mexico, sending pictures back and forth. We were flirting pretty heavily. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t completely invested, I felt lost, like I was reaching for anything that was willing to give me what I wanted. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt when Nina told me that he was seeing someone else a few weeks later. 

I remember watching her Facebook like it held the world’s answers. She posted about how they when hiking together and made pizza and my heart felt a pang of jealousy that I didn’t want to acknowledge. So, I decided to punish him instead of let the pain consume me. 

We were at rehearsal and he was wearing his black EMT hat, I can’t remember how but I ended up stealing it from him. He let me. I think we both liked that I wanted to wear it. I don’t remember giving it back, he must have taken it from the green room when I took it off to go on stage. 

I would go to his room to ask for help on projects, sometimes I would need it, but sometimes I wouldn’t. I really just wanted to see him. I would sit in the chair by his desk as he showed me all of the YouTube videos that I had missed out on that week. He was so enthralled by pop culture. I had a record collection I had started that year when I had my wisdom teeth removed. It felt like he was the future and I was the past. We looked at each other and ignored the glaring truth of our feelings in the present because it was too much for us to handle at the time. 

He would ride his hoverboard over to my side of the hallway, we lived about 100 feet away from one another, I would show off my balance and ride it around the dorms. It felt like I was flying. I would spin in circles and I would laugh. Sometimes, when he was close to me, I would pretend like I couldn’t keep my balance so he would have to steady me. I was one of the only people he trusted wouldn’t hurt themselves on it. 

I was always his exception on stage. So and so didn’t wrap up their mic right, that one guy never spoke enough during mic checks, it was always one mistake or another, but not me. Never me. He made me feel like a star, even freshman year when I was just Virginia, the girl with that one line in that one song. 

My senior year, I convinced the guy I was dating that he should join the tech team for the show. I told him how he used to always take care of me and I didn’t know how I’d survive the show without him. I insisted we were just friends, and we were, obviously. That year my boyfriend bought me earrings and a gorgeous bouquet of purple flowers before opening night, I was elated, but I still missed hearing his voice for sound checks, and riding with him on the way to karaoke after the show. 

When I found out that he hadn’t made it into a class for tech school yet I was terrified. I didn’t know what that meant for me, I remember I was leaning up against the window on the way to Chicago. I was on my way to see that same boyfriend while he described to me the way train tracks worked and his trip to France. He was the most exciting person I had ever known. We talked for hours on the phone that night. He mentioned me moving in with him when I got to Mississippi. I told him that I couldn’t. “Of course we can’t live together,” I had a boyfriend. We both knew that meant that I didn’t trust myself around him.

He helped me move into my apartment that summer. He got the whole neighborhood to come unpack the moving van. I didn’t know how to act when I saw him. We flirted, naturally, we didn’t know how not to. Connor looked at us concerned. “Didn’t you say you had a boyfriend?”, but that’ just how we were, we explained. He referred to me as his wife. it was bound to happen sooner or later, he shrugged. 

When Nick and I broke up, I called him, I said that I was bringing over some stuff to store in his spare bedroom. I ran over to his apartment, 2018, with a handful of sweaters and stuffed animals. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t even that upset, I just wanted him to make me feel better, because it was the first time in a long time I knew he could make me happy without feeling guilty about it. We sat down together at his desk and he showed me YouTube videos he thought I’d enjoy at 2xs the speed, because his brain just ran faster than mine. I had a dedicated chair there, anyone who was over at his place would use it but everyone knew who he had put it there for. I’d put my feet up on his chair, it made me feel close to him. We watched a movie together that night, I think it was Airplane! I didn’t think much of it, but it was one of his favorites. 

We talked about him coming to Dallas with me that September, to meet my family. He helped change my flat tire in the rain and took me to CVS and Five Guys when I was having a bad period day. We went to see Christopher Robbin when it came out. He picked out all the red Sour Patch Kids in the dark because they were my favorite. Gosh... I wish he had held my hand that night. When Jack needed to go to Pet’s Mart, he spoke to the woman on the phone for me, to tell her what he needed. He helped me drop him off and we drove around in the middle of nowhere for hours waiting for his appointment to be over. We lost GPS signal and had to find our way back home. I hoped that we never would.

Here’s a memory I know we have different versions of. It was the night everything went wrong. I don’t remember how or why, but I was sad, so I laid down on the couch, he came up behind me and we stayed there like that for about five minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many thoughts in such a short span of time. I was so happy and excited, I felt so close to him. That’s when I felt the darkness crowd in around me, because there was something he didn’t know, something that was happening that summer that only Sean knew about. As we lay there on the couch I felt nausea overtake me. I felt the memory of the year before creep in. Suddenly I was back in my dorm room, as Christian placed his hand underneath my shirt and sent an ice cold flash down my spine. Suddenly I was two bottles of wine into a deep hole and felt like I couldn’t move, like I couldn’t scream. I was trapped. That’s when I fell off the couch. I told him this was wrong, I told him to leave. The next week I went to Dallas and took Alex and Khoa with me, I didn’t tell him he was uninvited until I was already sitting in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot on my way out of the city. When I came back, I was already starting a relationship with Alex, not because I wanted to, but because I felt like I needed to. I felt like my lack of feelings for Alex would protect me from feeling the way I did on that night on the couch, and in some ways they did. In other ways they made me feel worse. 

So, I lied to myself. Every time we were together for the rest of that year I told myself that I didn’t love him I told myself that we were wrong for each other. I told myself that as often as I could, but I guess I couldn’t escape how I felt. 

I was still with Alex when he took me to The Orchid. It was the first time I had Indian food, and he told me about his grandparents who were missionaries in India when he was growing up. I laughed and said someone was going to have to make a movie about his crazy life one day. He didn’t miss a beat when he asked who was going to play me. 

I don’t remember it happening, but he told me later that one night at one of our parties, I got drunk and told him that Alex was a rebound, that I had wanted to date him instead. I can’t deny it, not because I have any recollection of it, but because I know that all of that was true.

I secretly hoped that when he was finally in Boston and I was in DC that we’d be able to be together, but he went to Florida instead, and after I left Alex, I tried to find love with someone that had already failed me before.

I guess I can’t be surprised that by the time we talked about being together that I fell so hard so fast. I had forgotten that I had been in love with him for as long as I had. It was like a house fire that finally grew big enough to take over the entire house. The smoke inhalation killed me before the heat ever got to me. Breathing him in was like losing every part of me that wanted to be alive without him. It was fast and deadly, but even still it was short lived. 

I don’t know what happened that week before Easter. Maybe I had set the stakes too high, making him wait a month before we were officially together. Maybe I scared him away by asking too much. All I know is that a part of my heart is longing for that phone to ring. Willing his name to come across my screen, like he came into my life asking if I wanted to see the Steinway they had in the theater basement. 

I love him so much it’s killing me, but I know that I’d come back to life all over again to kiss him just once, and know what it’s like to be in his arms without questioning anything.

[zoejo81]

My Mental Health Story

(October 10, 2017)

I never really thought I’d tell this story. It just seemed too personal for me to share, I kept worrying that it would trigger someone (I apologize if it does), and I’ve spent months typing the whole thing into my phone, trying to think of the right words to say. But since today is World Mental Health Day, I feel like I’m ready to share what’s been kind of a secret, for a while. For the record, I am not sharing this story to complain, get attention, make others feel bad for me, or anything like that. I also don’t care if I get in trouble for the things I’m going to say. This is just a little more about me, that I want others to know, and that I hope will help someone that might need it. Anyway, this is the story about my struggles with mental health… I was always a happy person, growing up. I kept on top of everything, had a great childhood, and had an appreciation for life so big, that I thought nothing would get in the way of it! But then, things took a turn, halfway into my sophomore year. Maybe it was the bad experiences I had in my first couple years of costumes crew (for theater), or the relationships with my siblings falling apart, ever since my parents’ divorce in 7th grade, or my life-long insecurities beginning to take me over, or maybe even a mix of all three… whatever it was, made me begin to suffer from depression, social anxiety, and negative body image.

Between the beginning of 2016, and the end of my sophomore year, my self esteem plummeted. I became so insecure about every single part of my body and face, that I absolutely HATED them. Along with that, my social anxiety kept escalating, to the point where I thought everyone around me was scrutinizing and judging me, even on a day that I loved what I was wearing. Not only that, but getting ready for school everyday, or even to step out of my house for one minute, felt like preparing for a battle… one where I’d be the first one to get killed. Eventually, these things lead me to really hate not just my appearance, but even myself, as a person. I constantly thought no one would take me seriously for being autistic (even though I’m high functioning), that no one would accept me, if I told them I was asexual, that the people I hung out with (even my best friends) only pretended to like me, but really didn’t care about me at all, or that none of my opinions on certain topics mattered to anyone else. I felt broken, in a way, and even started to lose sleep, as well as the urge and motivation to get anything done. The only thing left that I could do, was put a fake smile on my face, in order to mask the pain that I was dealing with.

My lowest point occurred over the summer after that school year finished. I felt so depressed, that for several days, mostly in July, I couldn’t get myself to get out of bed, not even to take a shower, or do anything else that was usually easy. All I felt I could do, was lay there, stare at the ceiling, and think about every single thought that was practically drowning me; my fears of growing up, and being alone in the real world, my beliefs that people didn’t care about me, how none of my rude siblings understood or gave a sh*t about what I going through, how I wished I could go back to the happy, easy life I had as a kid, every single thing about myself that I hated, whether or not the things I wanted to do, in the near future, were ever going to happen, my worries that I won’t be successful in fashion design, not even with a degree or the skills I have, and why I constantly felt like crying, but couldn’t.

There were times that I got myself to work on new designs, which I managed to stay passionate about, and got to do some fun things, like visit one of my dream schools in Chicago, did some cool things for my 17th birthday, and was able to temporarily escape from reality, by going to Lac du Bois (a French language camp located in Bemidji) for my 3rd time; those as well as whenever my favorite youtuber (and biggest inspiration), Connor Franta, uploaded a new video, were the few times I actually felt ok… but the rest of the time, I had no energy or desire to do anything, and overall, felt extremely unhappy.

Depression, as far as I’ve heard, is different for everyone that has/had it. For me, I feel fortunate to have been able to not let it destroy my passion for the things I love, but I still felt like I was in a deep mental slump, that was gradually getting worse, and I didn’t know how to control it. I also felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about my problems… not even to people I trusted or have gone through similar things. My social anxiety kept getting in the way, and made me think that people weren’t going to understand or believe me, or say my feelings weren’t valid, because they claimed that what they were going through was worse. Yes, I do know that people do go through worse things, and I do feel really sorry for them… but the thought of others not validating my struggles made me feel even worse about myself.

Things started to get slightly better, once I started junior year, as I finally started to feel appreciated for my work in theater, began to spend more time with my friends, and even got to meet Connor Franta a second time. But, I was still struggling with my mental health, because of the amount of homework I was getting, I continued to get a lack of sleep, I couldn’t stop feeling anxious and scared about all the political events that were taking place (I think we all know what I mean by that). I also continued to keep everything to myself, and worried that I was never gonna go back to being the happy person I used to be…

The moment the new year arrived, I was desperate to make a change. I didn’t want to be this depressed, anxious, and unmotivated person anymore, and I really wanted to find a way to be happy again. Having realized this, I immediately got to work on trying to achieve that goal, and ended up making 2017 my year of recovery. I started, by making 2 Spotify playlists; one full of songs I listened to, in times of struggle, as well as to boost my self esteem, and another to document the songs I listen to, over the course of the year (I’ll link them at the end, if you’re interested in checking them out).

I then was scrolling through Twitter one day, and found 3 handles that worked to spread mental health awareness: The Buddy Project, PosiiVibes, and Spreading the Love. Seeing what they tweeted every single day, made me feel better about myself, and reminded me that I wasn’t alone, even when I felt like I was. A couple weeks later, came the Women’s March. Even though I wasn’t able to participate, it inspired me to finally come out as asexual online. I was hesitant, but once I posted about it, as well as my response to the event, to Instagram, the amazing comments I got, made it all worth it. This moment became the start of me becoming the best version of myself that I can be.

I then took matters into my insecurities, which really affected how I viewed myself. I began to experiment with the things I wore, and sometimes stepped out of my comfort zone with clothing, by showing certain parts of my body that I usually tried to hide, such as my knees and my shoulders. Doing this not only gave me more options, when it came to picking out outfits, but it also made me slowly realize that no one thinks of my appearance the same way, or even care about it. I finally began to accept my flaws as part of who I am, and started to feel more confident!

After a few months had passed, came the opportunity to meet Connor Franta a third time (who called me QUEEN, after telling him I made the jacket I wore), and to pick up his book, “Note to Self” (which is probably the best book I’ve ever read)! I’ve been looking up to him, since my freshman year of high school, and the things I read in this book, meant a lot to me. His stories about his own struggles with mental health, had something for me to relate to, and the advice he gave helped me keep moving foreword. I will always appreciate Connor, as well as this book, the amount of work he put into it, and that it came during a time I needed it most (Connor, idk if you’ll be reading this or not, but if you are, thank you for doing everything that you do! You are, and always will be, an inspiration to me)! The book, itself, was also what inspired me to share my own story, and that’s when I started to look back on what I’ve dealt with, and began typing everything I remembered feeling into my phone, and creating what you’re reading right now.

Throughout the year, so far, I also put more effort into other goals I wanted to achieve: breaking bad habits, staying on the positive side of every situation, no matter good or bad, spending more time with my friends and other people I cared about (which made me realize they really DID care about me, and that it was just all in my head), pushing myself to get things done, even when the workload became stressful, learning to embrace being autistic, instead of letting it weigh me down, living in the moment, instead of comparing it to the past or worrying about the future, and doing my best to not care so much about what people thought of me. I had also worked even harder in costumes crew than I did before, which lead me to earning the title “master seamstress,” and my letter for working on 7 high school shows; not only that, but in my free time, I also designed many new pieces of clothing that I never knew I was able to make (including my prom dress), and that I could never be more proud of!

Then the summer came around, and it was truly the best summer I’ve ever had! I went to Québéc City and Montréal with my French class, and fell in love with both cities, made the best out of my last session at Lac du Bois, got my first summer job, celebrated my 18th birthday, by finally getting my hair colored, made even more time to hang out with my best friends, and continued to do what I love, without letting my feelings get in the way of it!

At this current point in my life, I still don’t feel 100% out of my mental slump; I still have days where I don’t feel like myself, I still sometimes deal with insecurities and trust issues, and I still get anxious, every time I leave the house for any type of social situation. However, I still feel a lot better about my life and myself, than I did over a year and a half ago; I feel happier, more confident, and have been doing better at taking care of myself… all without the help of any form of treatment (I’m not against it at all, I just knew deep down, that I wouldn’t need them). It was all just me, as well as the passions I managed to keep alive, the people that continued to support me in everything I do, and all the opportunities I got to have this year, so far! I hope during the rest of this last year of high school, as well as when I start my new life in college, that things will continue to get better, and that I can still be the happy person I want to be, no matter what challenges I end up facing!

I also hope that sometime, in the near future, we can all work together, to end the stigma around mental illnesses. This kind of stuff isn’t always talked about, and a lot of the people who do, from what I’ve noticed, tend to be looked down upon… it doesn’t have to be like this! People don’t choose to have these issues… it just happens, and it’s not their fault. Talking about them shouldn’t be shamed. What should be shamed, are jokes, hate comments, and trends made around them (I refuse to watch 13 Reasons Why for THIS reason).

To those that are struggling with mental health, and/or are working on recovery, just know that you WILL be ok. It may not seem like it now, but you will get through this. You will find your way back, no matter how lost you feel. I believe in you. You’re so much stronger than you think you are. There are people out there that love you, accept you for who you are, and would do anything to help you. As cheesy as all of this sounds, I’m here to say that it is all very true, and there is no reason for you to give up.

Lastly, to those who know me personally, and are reading this, thank you for being incredibly nice and supportive of me, throughout the time I’ve known you, and especially throughout this past year. Your kindness means a lot to me, and made me feel loved, which was something I never felt, while dealing with depression. It has also saved me from letting my depression get worse than it had already gotten. From friends (both online and irl), to family (especially my mom, who's been with me though it all), and to the people I got to know in theater, I love you all to the moon and back, and I would never have gotten through anything, without you! ♡

Here are the playlists I mentioned: “love yourself.”: http://spoti.fi/2uIpR4v “2k17”: http://spoti.fi/2uDkNju

[artificialqueens]

Sixteen: Chapter 1 (S9 Highschool AU) - Gabe

A/N: Hi. My name is Gabe. This is the first fic I’ve ever written. I’m sorry if it’s not that good, I’m used to writing screenplays and stuff with lots of dialogue and little detail. The story will gradually include all S9 queens in a high school setting. The italics symbolize inner thoughts. Bold with a name next to it symbolizes a text message. This chapter will be told from both Shea and Sasha’s POV (at different times.) Also, English is my first language but not my strong suit. I apologize for any technical errors. My blog is @shea-velour, don’t be afraid to send me a message or request. 1300 words, 3 pages.

The shrieking of the school bell startled the young artist. He jolted up from his sketchbook to quickly find numerous pairs of eyes on him. He had been spaced out for the whole period.

“Sasha, don’t even think about leaving today. I’ll see you at my desk. To everyone else: Class is dismissed, have fun this weekend and work. on. your. projects.” The English teacher strained the importance of this assignment to his students before gesturing towards the door.

PROJECTS??!! Sasha thought. He was really gone, as he had heard none of this earlier. He walked up to Mr. Haylock’s desk after everyone else left.

“Sasha…” he began sympathetically “I thought we were finished with this.” He motioned to the hardcover sketch book peeking from Sasha’s satchel bag.

“I’m sorry Mr. Haylock. I had a really good idea that had to be done immediately. I didn’t know it would take the whole period.”

“I won’t call your parents this time because I know how hard good ideas are to come by, plus your parents are probably tired of hearing from me. But don’t do it again. I’m serious, Sasha.”

“Okay… I heard there’s a project?”

“Worth 70% of your grade this quarter, due next Tuesday. Your partner is…….” He glances down at a paper “Jaren Merrell! Boy you got lucky on that one. He’s one of the smartest kids in this place.”

“I’m sorry, who?” The last name had sounded familiar but Sasha’s memory was failing him.

“Shea. Shea Merrell. Literally the only boy cheerleader, you can’t miss him.”

Sasha froze. He felt his cheeks warm. Of course he would get partnered with the hottest and arguably most popular boy in school.

“Sounds fun. I-I gotta get outta here. Ya know, get uh get started and stuff.” Sasha slowly backed away from the desk, stuck in a nervous stupor.

“You’ll probably find him out in the field practicing. Oh! And he grabbed a packet for you already.He seemed ecstatic to have someone with your creativity by his side.”

“Okay Mr. Haylock, I have to go…get that thing…” Sasha replied to his teacher’s over enthusiastic dialogue. He nearly ran into the door in the way out, lost in his thoughts.

Time to go find Shea, I guess. Or I could just go home…No. It’s the weekend. If I don’t get it now, I’ll have to wait until Monday and then I’ll only have one day to finish my half.

He sighed, pushing through the school’s exit doors. The sun was brilliant and shining in his face, probably reflecting off his bald head, too. He looked up to the sky, using his hand as a visor.

“Sun goddess what I have done to deserve this horrible treatment?” He whined under his breath.

“Don’t quote me, but I’m 98% sure that’s not how nature works.” A familiar voice came from beside him. He glanced over to see who it was.

Shit. Shea. Act natural.

“Oh really?” Sasha replied shakily.

“Yeah maybe if you weren’t always drawing monsters in class, you’d learn something.” Shea retorted effortlessly.

How does he know what I draw?

“Anyways, here’s your packet. It has all the instructions at the top, a copy of my notes and my number at the top. Text me if you run into any issues. Gotta run, talk later?” Shea jogged away, not needing an answer.

_

While Sasha wandered back home to Brooklyn, Shea attended cheer practice with the girls.

“Alright Glamazons, you’re looking great, we’ll regroup in 5 for final words.” Coach Matthews shouted.

As if it were rehearsed, the group broke off into their cliques. After retrieving his water bottle from the sidelines, Shea walked over to join his best friends on the bleachers. Aja, the cheer team captain, was regurgitating some gossip from earlier in the day. It must be juicy. Farrah and Valentina are locked into the story. Well, Valentina’s eyes were always on Aja. Young love, so beautiful, right?

“Girl you over here spilling alllll the tea. What’s up?” Shea asked as she approached the group.

“I’m telling them about that in-sane argument Trinity and Eureka had at lunch earlier. Remember the look on her face when Trinity stood up?” Aja responds

“BITCH I WAS SHOOK! She was all “you’re done because I’m gonna tell you why you’re done!” Biiiiiitch I can’t with these pageant girls. I thought they were gonna fight!” Shea nearly screams

“Not over that kid though. What’s his name, the weird one sitting between them?” Aja snapped her fingers trying to think.

“His name is Sasha and he’s not /that/ weird.” Shea says, all too quickly.

“Girl why you getting defensive?” Farrah jumps in.

“Because he likes him, duh.” Valentina says, staring at the group as if it were obvious. Shea cuts her eyes at the Latina.

How did she know?

“GAG! You think the gothy art nerd is cute?” Aja says, too loud. Their group is getting looks from the others.

“Alright girls, come circle.” Coach Matthews screams into a bullhorn, interrupting everyone’s shady murmurs and animated gossiping. 

Walking back, the group continues their conversation.

“He’s not a nerd, and yes I think he’s very cute.” Shea begins, trying to diffuse the energy, “I gave him my number but said it was for our project.” I hope he texts me. He thinks, leaving it out from his previous statement to avoid more judgement.

“Aw that’s so cute!” Farrah gushed. She’s a sucker for anything ‘love.’ Her relationship with the school’s baseball and theater star, Alex, was everything everyone had wanted. They had the longest running relationship in the whole school, starting freshman year and continuing all the way until now, their junior year. You could very well say Farrah is the love expert.

_

Meanwhile back in Bushwick, Brooklyn, Sasha stares emptily at his project packet. Shea’s notes were well organized and his handwriting was neat but they still offered him no insight as to what in the entire fuck he is supposed to do. Flipping back to the front, he noticed a blue sticky note stuck to the top.

Shea’s number. Right.

Without thinking, he reaches for his phone and taps in the ten digits and a short message.

Sasha Steinberg: Hi Shea, this is Sasha. I’m VERY confused about this project

He pauses, stares at the text, prereading it and decides to add ‘lol’ to the end to minimize awkwardness. He gives his device another hard look and decides not to send the message.

“I’m so stupid!” He sighed as he throws his body backwards into his bed. Why am I even bothering trying to be friends? He’s so out of my league.

“Hey buddy. You alright?” His dad’s bassy voiced boomed through the closed door, alarming him. He jolted up, throwing the phone from his chest and onto his lap.

“Yeah, just fine. Homewo–” his voice cut off by a whooshing noise from his phone. He froze.

Quickly flipping it over, he realizes his message sent.

And I just ruined my fucking life oh my god. What. Did. I. Just. Do. Unsend!!! Why don’t phones have this feature???

Sasha was freaking out, his anxiety in full effect.

He’s gonna think I’m so stupid.

The young boy threw his body back onto the bed, this time landing face first into his pillow. This weekend was going to be terrible.

Or not.