#i fell asleep in the middle of writing this :')

[mattsturnioloz]

Then I lost you: Pt 5. (last pt.)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Summary: Matt's career as a youtuber takes a toll on his 4 year relationship with his girlfriend, putting it on hold. Will it ever be the same again?

Warnings: angst, unresolved angst, crying, fluff!!

Pairings: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

A/N: (This is gonna be the last part, it’s gonna be sad but hope you guys will love it 🫶🏼 Also I fell asleep in the middle of writing this so forgive me if it’s not my best😖 I recommend listening to the song while reading 😚)

(Also since this part is really long I recommend just replaying the song over and over until the end of the story :) if you wanna cry☠️)

Matt’s Pov:

I drive back back home, The car silent and the negative thoughts come to my head but I quickly drown them out by playing music.

I get home and open the front door, and I go up the stairs to the living room and see Chris and Nick both laying on the couch watching some netflix show and I lay in between them, putting my head on Nicks shoulder. Somewhat needing to feel my brothers comfort.

“Are you okay?” he speaks up looking at me on his shoulder. I shake my head while staring at the tv and picking at my nails. He puts his arm around my shoulders and rests his head against mine and Chris rubs his hand up and down, on my partly exposed back and they exchange sympathetic glances at eachother.

Nick and Chris fall asleep during the show and I get bored, closely listening to the analog clock that we have above the couch, ticking, and the soft snores of Chris and Nick filling my ears.

I decide to get up and clean up around the house, doing basic chores until later in the day when it’s time to get ready. I shower quickly so that I don’t have time to think about the negatives. I grab the towel and dry myself off before going to my room.I go to my closet. The side where y/n’s clothes used to be is empty and the sight hurts. The hangers just.. hanging.

I knock out of it and I change into a plain light grey, almost white hoodie, and light blue baggy jeans with a pair of white air forces. Something casual but nice.

I’m nervous, like I was before picking her up for our first date, 5 years ago. I know where im taking her already and I can’t wait, but it’s going to bring back memories and i’m not sure that it’s a good thing right now.

I put on my Vivienne Westwood earrings and necklace to match before fixing up my hair. I hook my keys on the belt loop of my jeans and I spray cologne and deodorant before turning off my room light and heading out closing the door behind me.

I would say bye to Nick and Chris but they’re passed out on the couch so I go down to the stairs to the front door, leaving and locking the door after I walk out. I walk over to my car, getting in and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest.

I stop by a flower shop and I grab a bouquet of plumeria flowers, her favorite. The same ones I got her on our first date with all sorts of pretty colors that all go well together. They’re beautiful and vibrant, just like her.

I pay for them before I go back out my car and I get in buckling my seatbelt and I take a deep breath before I start the car and I start driving to Y/n’s house. Y/n’s house.

I break down in sobs, letting my cries out before I get to her place. I feel like I can’t breathe, gripping the wheel so tight, that my palms start to turn white.

I get there and park before putting the mirror down and making sure I look okay. I get out taking a deep breath, taking in the warm Los angeles sunset. I go over to her front door and let my fist hover over the door for a moment, my palms sweaty and I wipe them before I knock.

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

Y/n’s Pov:

I’m changing into a nice simple white dress, when I hear a knock on the door. Shit. I hope I look okay. I dust my dress off in the mirror while also checking if my makeup looks alright before grabbing my purse and turning off the lights. I go to the front door and open it to see Matt standing there. He looks so good.

“Hey baby..” He says with a warm smile. He looks nervous, exactly like he did on our first date. It’s radiating off of him and I feel my palms start to sweat. I see tear stains on his cheeks but i’d rather not bring it up and ruin the mood.. Instead I wrap arms around him and hug him.

I can feel my body shaking, I don’t wanna lose him. Why are we even trying? What was the point of splitting up if we were just going to act like a couple? Technically today, we still are one.

We finally let go of what will be one of our last hugs. My heart is still aching to the point where it’s starts to hurt physically. “Youre so beautiful.. you always have been..” He says in the sweetest, most gentle tone. He grabs me the waist pulling me closer, while looking me up and down in awe.

“Thank you baby..” I reply, smiling and I press a kiss to his lips. “You ready to go?” He asks. His tone almost sad. But I nod and smile in response.

This is what I was still holding on to. Moments like these. Moments like last night, and this morning. I love him. So much. I wish he would just tell me that he takes it all back. That he wants to be with me. That he wants to try again.

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

Matt’s Pov:

I grab her hand after she locks her door and I lead her to my car, opening the door for her. She kisses me on the way in before smiling at me. Her smile makes my heart flutter. She’s so beautiful. Everything about her is just so beautiful.

I kiss her again before shutting the door and making my way around the car and into the drivers seat. We buckle ourselves in before I start the car. The sun still setting by the minute.

I roll the windows down, the air warm and fresh, and Y/n plays music, singing along with it, and I can’t help but smile and steal a few glances at her. We stop at a red light and I reach in the backseat. She looks at me, confused and I grab the plumeria flowers, handing them to her.

She freezes and she looks up at me almost in shock. She knows. I can tell that she wants to cry but she doesn’t. She flashes me a big smile. “Thank you so much baby, I love them!” She says with the biggest smile before smelling them. “Of course, i’m glad you like them..” I say reaching over and putting my hand on her thigh, caressing it gently before just letting my thumb glide side to side.

I’m devastated that i’m losing all of this. I can’t believe I treated her the way I did. I wish I could take back everything i’ve said to hurt her. Maybe this wouldn’t be happening. If i would’ve just treated her right and gave her the love and attention that she deserves. I let my career get in the way of our relationship. Our love.

“I’m glad we’re doing this.” I say, glancing at her. “Me too, Matt. I’m really glad.” She responds. “I’m sorry.” I say, my voice cracking. Dammit, why do I keep crying. She turns her head too quick to look at me. “I’m sorry for all the things I did and said to push you away. I’m sorry I didn’t treat you better.” I swallow the lump in my throat. She takes my hand that’s still on her thigh and she kisses it.

“It’s okay Matt.. like you said, it’s for the best.. It just wasn’t working for either of us…” I nod and I want to tell her that I take it back, but I can’t. I know I can’t.

“Now let’s talk about something else to get your mind off of it yea?” she says smiling at me. How can she smile? How can she keep her composure when she’s probably more hurt than I am. I’m the one who said it won’t work. But I nod again. We talk about some more random things like our careers and future projects we might have planned and want to do.

We arrive at the restaurant and she looks at me with her jaw dropped while smiling. The same restaurant that I brought her to on our first date. “Ravioli?” She asks with a shriek, her voice crackling when she does. “Ravioli.” I nod chuckling her reaction.

I kiss her hand before unbuckling my seatbelt and I get out, making my way to the passenger side and opening the door for her, grabbing her hand to help her out. “I swear, you’re so beautiful baby.” I say closing the door before wrapping my arms around her waist pulling her closer and I kiss her.

“I could look at you for the rest of my life, and never get tired..”I mumble, against her lips before moving my kisses down to her jaw, then to her neck. She giggles at the feeling, making my heart flutter at the sound of her laugh.

I leave a small subtle hickey before pulling away and kissing her lips one more time and I grab her hand. “Let’s go.” I say, locking the car as I lead her towards the restaurant.

We go inside and I request the same table we had on the first date and thankfully, it was available. We get seated and handed our menus but we don’t bother to look inside because we both know we’re getting ravioli.

“I love that we’re recreating our first date.” She says, reaching across the table to hold my hand. “I thought you might. It feels like our first date all over again.” I smile, planting a gentle kiss against her knuckles.

The waitress comes over and we order, and not long after we get our food. We talk, eat and laugh about old times for hours, and eventually we’re the last people at the restaurant, the night coming to an end.

I pay the bill and we go quiet. Neither of us wanting the night to end. We stand up and I grab her hand leading her out the restaurant and I walk over to the trunk grabbing a blanket. “We’re going to the park too?” She smiles looking back towards the park next to the restaurant and I nod smiling.

“Gotta recreate our first date for our last.” I say placing a kiss on her temple. I lead her towards the park, the only lights being the dim street lights. I lead her to the grass, placing the blanket down and I kneel, helping her down before we both lay, looking up at the stars with her head and hand resting on my chest.

This feels right. The coldness of the night breeze making me feel peace. The mix of the stars and the streetlights, highlighting her features perfectly.

Hours pass. We talk while stargazing and eventually it’s 2 am. “I don’t want this night to end..” She’s says quietly. “Me neither baby..” I say, holding her closer.

Eventually we get up and she start to shiver so I wrap the blanket around her and hold her for a little before we stroll down the park back to my car.

I open the passenger door and let her inside before shutting the door while taking a deep breath and walking over to my side. I get in and it’s quiet. I glance at her and I can see her devastation.

I start the car and start driving towards her house. I put my hand on her thigh again, caressing it, and she grabs my hand intertwining her fingers with mine. The whole ride there silent.

When we arrive, I look over at her and she’s already looking at me with tears rolling down her cheeks at a rapid pace and she breaks down into sobs, her breath pace increasing.

To no surprise I start crying too. I get out of the car running to her side, opening the door and practically yanking her out, into a hug. Her sobs are killing me. “Listen to me Y/n.” I say lifting her head from my chest, cupping her cheeks, and wiping her tears with my thumbs.

“I’ll always be here for you, i’ll always love you so much, you’re the love of my life. No matter what, it’s always gonna be you baby.” I cry softly, pulling her head back to my chest. Her cries die down and all I hear is her occasional sniffling. “I love you, Matt..” she hiccups. “I love you too y/n.. more than life itself. I always will. Always and forever..” I say mumbling into her hair.

She pulls back and kisses me, and we make out slowly and passionately, taking our time, tears mixed in between. I give her one more soft loving kiss but eventually we part and my heart shatters into so many pieces to the point where i’m not sure that there even is one.

We let go of eachother and she makes her way towards her door and when she reaches it she looks back at me one more time. “I love you.” She says, with a teary smile. “I love you more.” I say smiling back, my own tears rolling down my face.

She watches me a little longer before turning around and unlocking her door, disappearing inside after she closes it. I take in the bittersweet moment. The love of my life is officially gone.

I take deep breaths as I walk to my door and I get in, starting the car and immediately driving away, because if I didn’t, I would be banging on her door begging her to stay with me.

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

Y/n’s Pov:

I feel my heart break the more that I watch his car fade into the distance through my window and after i can’t see it anymore, I walk over to my couch and plopping on it. The silence too silent, like im drowning in it.

I look at the promise ring on my finger that he gave me long ago when we hit our 2 year anniversary. Taking in the memories that came with it. Remembering every detail of that beautiful night.

I stare at the boxes of my things that are still packed and I look around, taking in the emptiness and loneliness of my new home. 5 years with the love of my life… gone.. and I miss him already.. I miss him so much and all of our memories come flooding back. But then I realize that this was goodbye.

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

Matt’s Pov:

As I drive further away from y/n’s house, a part of me is gone and feels like it’s been taken, but I know this was my doing. It’s all my fault. I need somewhere to go. To feel at peace. But then it hits me. The beach.

I drive to the beach, trying to drown out the painful after thoughts of losing y/n and the aching in my chest. My vision becomes blurry when soft tears fill my eyes.

I play music to try and drown out the images. The images of her smiling at me. The sound of her laughter. The sound of her crying. But it’s all too much and it doesn’t help that white ferrari by frank ocean starts playing.

When I get to the beach I park and pause. As if time stopped and I take in the sight, the memories flooding back all at once.

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

Flashback:

“Where are you taking me?” Y/n giggles, as my hands are covering her eyes. “Be patient my love, you’ll see..” I say placing a kiss on her temple. I lead her to the spot at the beach and I uncover her eyes.

A whole picnic set up for us with blankets, pillows, her favorite snacks and board games. “Oh my god..” She says looking back at me with her jaw dropped and she jumps into my arms and I catch her, holding her up by her thighs, kissing her face repeatedly.

Her skin is soft and her hair is flowing with the night breeze making her look more beautiful than ever. The city lights reflecting on her face, highlighting her beautiful features.

I put her down giving her a kiss and I pull her down onto the blankets and pillows. “I have one more surprise for you my love..” I say, brushing her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear.

“Another one? Baby you didn’t have to-“ She says. “Shush, you deserve it and so much more.” I say cutting her off and pulling out a ring. “It’s a promise ring.”

She smiles and her eyes well up with tears. “Matt that’s so sweet oh my goodness..” She says trying to hold back her tears. I pause and take a deep breath before speaking.

“Y/n I promise to always be here for you, to be the one who cherishes your love. I promise to be faithful and to be the man that you deserve.” I say, sliding the ring on her ring finger. “I promise to be the woman you deserve too baby.. I promise i’ll always love you..” she says hugging me.

After that she lays in my lap, her upper back against my chest and her head against the crook of my neck as I hold her. We watch the stars and stare out into the darkness of the ocean, the city lights reflecting onto the water. The night is perfect and so is she.

I turn her face towards me and I gently kiss her lips. “I love you Y/n..” I say with a smile. “I love you more baby..”

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

I walk towards where the sea meets the land and I sit in the very spot from that night, I breathe and take in the night air. The waves crash gently against the shore, a soothing rhythm that once matched the beat of our hearts.

I sat at the edge of the ocean, the place where we made our promises. The night sky seems endless, but it only reminds me of the distance between us now. Every memory we shared flashed before my eyes, each one more vivid than the last. The laughter, the tears, the promises we made.. they all feel so close, yet so far away.

In that moment, I realize that everything we had was slipping through my fingers like sand and I regret everything I said that pushed you away, I just want you back.

The echoes of our last conversation lingered in the air, haunting me with every breath I take. The place we once cherished now feels empty, a different contrast to the warmth you brought into my life.

The sky darkened, identical to the darkness I now feel in my life. The gentle breeze that once brought your laughter now carried only silence.

I sat there, hoping for a miracle, a sign that you might come back. A sign that this wasn't the end. I could only hope that we’d find each other again when the time was right.. but for now, I whispered your name one last time, knowing deep down that this was goodbye, and just like that you were gone.

Then I lost you.

———- ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ———-

3,086 words.

A/N: (Ahhh my first series is finally finished!! I’m so devastated, and i’m as we speak. Thank you all for the support and I really hope you guys love this last part :) thank you 🫶🏼)

Taglist: @urmom69lol @imwetforyourmom @tsturniolo4 @watercolorskyy @starzinasblog @urfavstromboli @sturniqloo @star-yawnznn @h3arts4harry @asherrisrandom

[adhdtsukasa]

good morning everyone, rise and shine, have you thought about the world hasn't even started yet today? nope? then now you do! because with full emukasa and ruinene sekahaji alts finally releasing, it's time for me to (over)analyze my favorite and definitely one of the most underrated wonderlands x showtime's songs that is still haunting the narrative to this day. (haunting the narrative is actually a bit of a dramatic way to call it, but i like to be dramatic and so do wxs.)

in full seriousness, i just really, really like sekahaji's lyrics and it's such a shame it's not getting talked about that much anymore only because that's an old song, especially since pinocchiop is a lyrics genius. so if you're interested in my personal interpretation of sekahaji, including analyzing the foreshadowing of the future events included in the lyrics and analyzing the line distribution not only in the original ver, but in the alt vocals as well, then tune in! because i have a lot to say.

will be using the screenshots from vocaloid lyrics wiki, but i'm going to say who's singing the line anyways, so it's not that much of a problem. i think. (also the alts line distribution is not really that important, it's mostly ruikasa and emunene singing each other's lines with two exceptions. but some lines hurt more when it's the other who sings it, so who am i not to mention it?)

"sekahaji is such a fun song" and then the first lines of the song after the bunch of hey heys and it's showtimes are already giving me a bunch of an emotional damage. oh, man. being a wxs fan sureee is so fun.

while we're at the topic of the first lyrics, it's kinda interesting that rui's the one who says "let's go!" instead of tsukasa, as this is expected from the latter with his position as the troupe leader — but i'm not going to read too much into it, because i doubt it matters lol. if i have to somehow explain it, then i'd say it's because rui's a stage director, so he's in charge of being the one to start the show. sort of. it's not really important.

"with a cast who can use magic and monsters who are burdened with trauma" is such a tsukasa line, honestly. it may seem more rui-like at first, but it fits tsukasa a lot, too. personally, i always interpret it as a spark contrast between who wxs were and who wxs are now — their pasts weren't the most pleasant thing ever (with exception of maybe emu, but even she is still haunted by the grief from her grandpa's death), they indeed were pretty traumatized (especially rui, but you cannot just ignore the rest). they were monsters, because they weren't perfect. and tsukasa is the type of person who strives for perfection.

they're not monsters anymore, however. (they never were, but try to explain it to four traumatized teenagers) now, it's their turn to be the magic-using cast! and the mentioned magic is them putting on shows and spreading shows, obviously. if you read into it a bit more, you can even say that the former cast, the one from when wxs were still these so-called monsters, was their idols, the people who sparked the dream of performing in them — seiichi amami, rakunosuke otori, yuka kazamatsuri and tom gray. (such an insane april fools unit)

in the ruinene alt, rui's the one who sings this line. and this stings a bit, because obviously... he'd think of himself as a monster burdened with trauma. rui...

nene is the one who sings this line in original, and this makes sense. that's a rather logical line, and so is nene. "disappear" isn't meaning death here, as it often means in the proseka terms — "disappear" is just the another word of something passing, something ending. vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas, you can say. i'm sorry that was stronger than me.

the disband arc (i'm so sorry, i know we're way past it. but it is an important part of the wxs lore. i'm not going to shut up about it) had it very beginning in nene, after all. its first mentions appeared in mermaid admiration, which was just a mere start of both the second arc and the second rotation (wxs has only just started getting better, after all!), and then island panic started the domino that was curtain call, amidst a dream and so on, and so on. nene knew that everyone's destined to disappear — to part ways — someday. this was creeping up to her from behind almost from the very start.

in the emukasa anabo, it's emu who got this line. it makes it even worse, because it's what emu's perspective of the disband arc was about. she wanted to stay at wonder stage, nene, rui and tsukasa wanted to go further than it. everyone's destined to disappear someday, because her dream is just too simple for them to share it.

okay, i'm gonna be honest here — i have no clue what to do with this line. i didn't want to skip it, as it's rui's solo line and is surrounded by such impactful words, it surely makes sense, i just don't really see it at this moment. sorry rui. the best i can do is to say that "heartbeat fading over time" may symbolize rui's deteriorating mental state in middle school, but, like... that's an awful reaching.

it makes a bit more sense when you look at it from tsukasa's pov, both because he has this line in the emukasa alt and because it's a song formed from his feelings — the heartbeat here is his real ambition, his want to make everyone smile and the way he forgot it in the main story. still don't know what to do with the ticket that's long past expired. my thoughts are kinda going in the direction of it being wonderland sekai, but i don't have any argument to actually explain it.

finally coming to an end of this part, (not because it's bad, but because it hurts), at this point you can guess that it's a line sung by emu and oh god, it made me suffer so much when i was waiting for our happy ending to release. yep, it's the foreshadowing of the disband arc again, who would've think, right? looking back at it now where the disband arc is finally resolved (for now. it's going to come back one day, surely), it's one of my favorite lines in the song, as it touches emu's internal struggle during these days perfectly.

i'm assuming the "let's come" means "let's come here" as in: come to a certain place (in my interpretation, wonder stage) because i have no idea why the "here" isn't here, as i was pretty much convinced that it was. but whatever. the way i see this line is how emu was always happily inviting the rest of wxs to visit wonder stage, wanting to spend time with them and make everyone smile, yet deep down in herself still knowing that she shouldn't take it as granted. she would want to spend yet another year with wxs by her side, but, back then, it was not a promise. there was always this possibility that next year, she'll be alone once again — because wonder stage is their place to go, but it's not going to be this way for forever.

in the ruinene anabo, nene got this line. i'm not going to say a lot about it, as i've already covered this topic before — it's a mermaid admiration reference, once again. even more so in this very line, because when i think about associating this line with nene, the first thing i see is her mermaid admiration untrained.

i think it's also pretty interesting that while tsukasa and rui got the lines that are more similiar to main story/first arc, emu and nene got the lines about the second arc!

i don't have much to say about it, it's just that rui sings this line and it makes me think about main story — to the wxs fall-out, specifically. the troupe didn't even properly start yet, just like the world!, and yet there are already bad things happening — tsukasa screamed at nene for messing up the show, rui got mad at tsukasa and decided not to come here again, emu is blaming herself for everything, for being unable to make them smile. it's definitely already no-good... just like most of rui's experiences.

as you can probably guess by the way the line distribution is arranged in the alts, tsukasa got this line in emukasa anabo. and this makes a lot of sense after all too, because, well... it was him who messed up. maybe it's about the moment when he finally realizes his true feelings?

the only explanation for this line is that tsukasa's feelings are currently all over the place because he's experiencing overstimulation. the conclusion is that tenma tsukasa has ADHD, thank you, time to pack it up, analysis over, everyone go home

i'm just kidding, but this line has been permanently noted in my brain as "the ADHD tsukasa line" ("why not autism tsukasa line" take a good look at my url. the sole reason is that i'm a bit insane) so it's hard for me to see it as anything else. we're not discussing tsukasa's obvious neurodivergence today, though, so let's move on to me trying to actually make something out of it—

"there's too much noise" part belongs to nene, while the rest of the line is sung by emu. nene (more in the early game than nowadays, but still) is often seen complaining and flinching at loud noises, and this was my first thought, however! emu got this line as well, and she doesn't really have any issue with loud noises as she's a very energetic and cheerful person, right? (and so is tsukasa and yet for some reason he has this line in his very own song. but i'm not going to repeat myself) here comes my second thought — it's referencing the main story fight. it would make sense both for nene (she's the one who is screamed at) and emu (she thinks it's her fault for being "selfish") to have it. this is also one of the two exceptions where it's not just rks emnn singing each other lines — rui and tsukasa in their respective anabos got the "there's too much noise" part. if it was about the fight, it'd make sense for rui as well — after all, he's the one who has to look at his childhood friend getting blamed for something that is partially his fault.

on a slightly unrelated note, i'm a big fan of the way how in emukasa alt tsukasa sings "there's too much noise" in a voice that's close to breaking, while emu is happily going "so much noise! and it keeps getting worse!!" with sparkles and flowers all around her. i love her so much. never change emu.

besides "just as i always have" that's sung by nene, this whole line belongs completely to emu — and i think this says a lot. the "deteriorating, abandoned room" is yet another metaphor for wonder stage, because that's how wonder stage was like when tsukasa sees it for the first time; deteriorated and abandoned, with emu as its only visitor. but emu doesn't give up. emu keeps on dreaming, keeps on wishing for it to return to its former glory.

i didn't say anything about the first line, because, uh. despite being sung by emu, i think it correlates to tsukasa and his ambitions more, etc, etc... but i also don't have a clear enough thought to elaborate on it. sorry!

the deeper we are in the song, the more cheerful the melody and the vibe of it gets, while the lyrics are starting to go in a slightly... different direction. the lyrics are inviting you to a never-ending party, a way to cope with all the bad things that happen to you. it fits wxs a lot, doesn't it? they're the group that is sharing childlike wonder with everyone and wishes to make people smile, while themselves are being often paralleled with niigo and aren't really the happiest and healthiest people in the universe (and they have a habit of not talking about their feelings as well). it would make sense for them to want to cut the negativity in their lives off, not only for their own sake, but also for the sake of the others around them (after all, this was the whole point of smile of a dreamer). wonderland sekai is their place to go, a place where they can drown themselves in the never-ending fun and fight off the negativity. because... they still can do it, right? because the world hasn't even started yet.

at this point, they're much better, obviously. because we're almost four years in the game and now wxs isn't only their escapism anymore, it's the place filled with the people they all love so much. but when we were still at main story, it'd make sense for them to be just like that, as their bond still wasn't as strong as it is now back then.

this part came out a bit too angsty than i wanted and i'm not proud of it, but i don't really know how to express what i mean with it in words. if you actually understood my intention, then you deserve a gold star. i'll have to rewrite it a few months later probably eh

while a lot of people think of this line as of a really dark one, i don't think that's the case! actually, it's a rather positive and optimistic one. the mention of hell can make someone flinch, that's for sure, but it's the same case as the mentioned earlier "monsters burdened with trauma" — it's just wxs self-deprecating themselves because of their past. for most of them, their past experiences surely could be called "hell", because everyone experiences trauma differently. but they're not in this hell anymore. their past is over, they're not alone anymore, they have each other now — this is their happy ending that plays out... from their phones, in form of the untitled.

after all, rui was right! the ending for sure will be a happy one, as long as they are together!

i've noticed that a lot of the sekahaji lyrics are matching with the latter ones, and this is no expection: once again, the first line talks about the first arc events, while the second is leaning more onto the second arc, just like in the first verse.

i'm not a native english speaker, so i have to admit, i had to look up what does thick-skinned mean lol i'm a bit surprised that's actually a rather positive thing? with how tsukasa was acting in the main story, i was expecting it to be more on the negative side. i can't say that it doesn't fit, though. tsukasa's most famous (?) depiction as a king is his wonder magical showtime card, while wonder magical showtime itself is an event focusing on how tsukasa is not going to let go of emu's dream that easily, that even the criticism of the phenniland members that didn't want to help them at first is not going to stop him (although it's been a long time since i watched wms, so correct me if i'm wrong!) — and that's what i understood that thick-skinned means.

meanwhile, rui is the alchemist. he's often described as such and is even depicted as one in his revival my dream card (...but we don't talk about revival my dream). and while "full of desires" doesn't neccesarily mean greedy — it's normal to have wishes and desires, after all — rui is not only called that by himself, but by the game as well, since he, too, has his own desires. and... having too much desires is a dangerous thing. (it kind of sounds like i'm demonizing rui i'm going to cry. that is NOT my intention i swear.)

and as i said earlier, the second line is corresponding to disband arc again. presented as the happy, unbothered group on the surface, wxs is some kind of an utopia, a perfect world, and so is their sekai — but they're always being followed by this feeling of uncertainty, of impending goodbye. or rather, were followed. whether you think disband arc is going to come back one day or not, i think it's safe to assume that sekahaji's references are not going further than our happy ending. at the point of the wxs story where we are now, the disband arc is resolved. of course, one day their utopia will cease to exist and they'll truly be forced to leave their attachments behind, returning to the real world. but this day is not today. today, they can still be happy. because the world hasn't even started yet. (or has it, it's just more pleasant that they were expecting?)

i didn't mention who's singing these lines earlier, but... i've already covered this topic many times. tsukasa (rui in ruinene anabo) is singing the first, nene (emu in emukasa anabo) is singing the second. and my explanation for it is pretty much similiar to the verses from the very beginning, so... yeah, let's just move on to something more interesting, shall we?

this fragment is matching the fragment starting with "there is too much noise", so that's my yet another argument for it referencing the main story fight — and this part is way more transparent in doing so. "there's too much conflict" is sung only by nene, but the latter part is sung by both her and emu. and as we already know, nene was the one who suffered the most in it, while emu was the one blaming herself the most (interestingly though, nene sings the "i couldn't help but worry" in the full group version!). the boys got "there's too much conflict" in their respective alts as well, so rui singing this line applies to his reaction to the fight, too.

"it's like when our arms are all tangled together" could be the failed show, because that's what happens when you mess up. it's also emu who sings this, and it's a very emu-like way of describing things.

and even though tsukasa is not singing the last line (it's still either emu or nene, depending on the version) it's still his untitled, so i can boldly say that it's about him. he brushed off the dust of his memories and rebooted himself, remembering his true feelings and entering his path to become a better person. the fight has ended and we're nearing the end of the song, just like we're nearing the end of the main story.

you can also say that it's about rebooting robonene. that... would work as well, i guess.

haha, hey, do you know what's happening on nene's mermaid admiration untrained? wxs are playing with fireworks, together. and do you know what they also want to do together? stay like that for forever. it truly was out firework show that lasts a lifespan!

the motif of a firework show appears also in wonder magical showtime, where it's an ending for the show the phenniland cast put on to save phoenix wonderland from being turned into a place that doesn't resemble the old phoenix wonderland at all. it's no wonder wxs would want it to last a lifespan. after all, it's emu's dream for phenniland to never change and always be the place that she remembers from her childhood.

and this is just a description of wonderland sekai, honestly. it has roller coaster in it + they are often seen in the background of various wxs cards. the starry skies are often present as well. it's not like we got two (2) songs with "starry sky" in their name for nothing.

i feel like "the best of the worst of crappy plays" is the show that sparked the main story argument in the first place — it was messed up, so it was crappy and horrible, no doubt for that. but it's also the best — why? because if not its failure, tsukasa wouldn't find his true feelings and wxs wouldn't even form. when such a crappy play made you get closer to your best friends and turned your life for the better, how can you not feel at least slightly grateful for its existence?

the second line is included here as well, because i don't really have an idea what to do with it. it's such a great line, however, so it would be a shame to just leave it out. the only thing i'm going to mention is that it's interesting that the prospect of an ending was there with them from the very, very beginning.

this one i see as a nod to smile of a dreamer and wonder magical showtime — because emu's family already had their own plans about what to do with phoenix wonderland. these were the plans that'd make them a lot of money, so it was their "harmonius future", even though emu didn't agree with it.

emu alone wasn't able to do much, but then she met wxs... and then the entirety of phenniland stood by her side. together, they were able to break the plans for a harmonious future. together, they were able to made her dream come true.

and, finally, the last line i'm going to talk about today! the bell is a symbol for new beginnings, just like this lyric itself says, so the act of ringing it is a new era in tsukasa's, emu's, nene's and rui's lives beginning — the formation of wonderlands x showtime! especially since it's the last line in the song aside of the last the world hasn't even started yet (not counting the hey heys and it's showtimes once again).

this is not the only time the bell is referenced in a wxs song, though — because it made an appearance also in the 2DMV for sekai wo terasu tetrad, once again symbolizing a new beginning, a new era, although this time it's a sekai expansion. and because i mentioned sekai wo terasu tetrad, i can now swiftly go to the conclusion of this post:

sekahaji is such a great song, because despite being the first wxs comm, it's foreshadowing the events way up to the third anni and this is not talked about enough. is this still applying to the events after the third anni? nope! not because they cannot be easily altered so they could still fit the lyrics, but because sekahaji has simply fulfilled its purpose already. i haven't studied sekai wo terasu tetrad's lyrics that much in-depth yet and i don't think it has the same 100% lore value that sekahaji has, as i don't think there's anything that hints tetrad being a canon second untitled, but it's the song released by the occasion of a sekai expansion — and if there are going to be future events foreshadowed, then it's going to happen in tetrad. not going to think about it too much for now, as three events (world link not included) isn't enough to say it for sure imo (unless it's going to be as short as the first arc was), but that's definitely a possibility.

that would be all! there's too much of my rambling in here anyways. i haven't really checked it, so i'm sorry if i ended up saying nonsense — after all, as i always say, i'm a overthinker, not an analyst! everything i said here is just my personal interpretation either way. i hope that you at least enjoyed listening to me babbling about sekahaji for way too much words straight!

and i hope that my main goal has been accomplished and you've just went to listen to the world hasn't even started yet because now you, too, have thought about it. right? <3

[anothermonikan]

the eeperssss

[tklpilled]

APPLE TART OR AZUJAMI PERHAPS?? u may pick which one 🤭🤭 someone needs to tickle them BAD.

- anzynai anon (im not anon.)

the thing about overblotting that no one tells you is that you become very, very tired afterwards.

riddle lays in bed, groans as he pulls the blanket further around himself. the aching has faded, at least, but all he wants to do anymore is sleep. he hates it; it's hard enough struggling not to close his eyes throughout the day, even worse with the irritating looks of pity that the other students give him. he squeezes his eyes shut and tightens his grip. at least it's nighttime now.

there's a tiny squeak beside him. "ow. you're crushin' me."

riddle hums, letting his hold loosen up, giving epel the chance to squirm and get comfortable. the other boy stretches a little, then cuddles right back into riddle's side. riddle puts his arms around epel's waist, hiding his face in the soft mess of lavender hair.

riddle's not much of a hugger, but he finds he welcomes touch anyway. especially with epel, it seems; it's as if his stress melts away instantly. epel is warm and soft and comfortable and riddle never wants to leave.

"cut it out," mumbles epel, tone higher-pitched than usual. riddle finally blinks open his eyes, snapping out of his thoughts. he rubs his thumb along epel's side, making him shiver. "hey."

it hits riddle, suddenly, that he's a stranger to tickling. no one's ever tried to tickle him before, and he's never been close enough to anyone to try it. but there's something about epel that makes him feel giddy, playful, and he can't resist the urge to dance his fingers across epel's stomach.

epel gasps and covers his mouth with one hand, muffling his sudden torrent of giggles. "wait, cohohome on—!" he whines, his free hand uselessly fighting riddle's.

riddle feels himself smile. "please, be quiet. the queen of hearts strictly forbids laughter after ten pm." it's a lie, of course, but who is epel to argue?

so the pomefiore boy laughs and hiccups into his sleeve, kicking weakly in protest. there's no other word for it but cute, despite however much he tries to deny it. it makes riddle's heart swell almost painfully, in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.

(epel tells him later that he's not allowed to cuddle him anymore—but that's a lie, too.)

[ipsens-castle]

I really wish Nagato had been the major villain, or at least someone who lived longer as a major proponent in the war.

Before his death, we witnessed his ideals superimposed with Naruto's - obvious foils between orphans; one ostracized in the privileged Konoha, the other cocooned with their found family in Amegakure, a small town of refugees wedged between warring powerhouses. But I think that he had further contrast to provide with other characters too. He would have made a fascinating mentor to Sasuke as a beacon of revenge; and as someone who annihilated entire family trees in the name of "peace," a peculiar brother-in-arms to Itachi.

[officialdaydreamer00]

TWST spotlight!!

thank you to all the people who tagged me in their twst spotlight :o yguys are such darlings and i love how my circle expanded in just a month or two! ily mwah <3 /pla

i can't remember my early mutuals' order but anyways look at my friends!!

@azulashengrottospiano aka aubbie 🐙!! my first mutual on tumblr and THE author who singlehandedly fuel my love for twst in my earlier days in the fandom :D azul's legal wife and writes characters x reader oneshots SO HONKING WELL i am blushing giggling kicking my feet ESPECIALLY HER OCTAVINELLE FICS :000

@shyhaya aka hayami 🌺!! oh so shy but she's such a darling to talk to <3 has beautiful fics for so many fandoms HOW ARE YOU SO TALENTED?? i am in love with your writings shaking you hard

@hisui-dreamer aka rinna 🌟!! one of my fellow jade kissers and writes VERY DELISH fics (i am in shambles over this one in particular) eating your writings om nom nom

@identity-theft-101 aka denti 🪓!! a menace, he's just like me fr fr :D one of my fellow eel kissers and the enabler of my ever growing obsession for the tweels AND I AM LOSING IT OVER HIS DOODLES OF THE TWEELS AND HIS OC REMY

@aqua-beam aka calira 🎉!! my platonic soulmate and fellow jade kisser 🫵🏻 (/aff) brings me so so much serotonin whenever we interact, her reblogs on my posts always succeed to make my day :D

@siren-serenity aka rennie 🌙!! one of the writers i look up to the most in the twst community :D i don't think she's usually active, but whenever she does, it never fails to bring a smile on my face c: absolutely beautiful writings and a super cool oc named melody striker whom i love a lot!

@shinysparklesapphires aka sapphy 🎀!! she's so passionate about precure :D has a cute artstyle and very cool ocs, i think navi is the first one xe introduced to me through my earrings event :o phrog prince my beloved c:

@ceruleancattail aka ceru 🔷 another one of the writers i look up to the most bc their writings have me in a chokehold ACK their twst aus are so very creative and bantering with mooties about cater diamond is very entertaining ^^

@cecilebutcher aka cece 🪩!! fellow floyd kisser and has a great masterlist :D they write for twst and obey me and i adore their ocs! also AESTHETIC MOODBOARD FOR EACH OF THEIR OC I EAT!! :O

@moonlit-midnight aka hannah 🌸!! beautiful writings that makes me cry randomly when im in the mood to read at night c: the fellow jade kisser and writes TWO octavinelle masterlists + twst hcs in which my heart go brrrrrrrrr

@leonistic aka soru 🍞!! number one leona kisser on my blog lmao c: HER WRITINGS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I AM SHAKING YOU BACK AND FORTH :0

@nem0-nee aka nem 🃏!! my newest mootie and THE artist whose art had me in a chokehold for weeks now c: her art is so srcumptious i want to put it on a pedestal and stare at it in awe :D also AESTHETIC *om nom nom p2*

any of my other mooties who are not on here are also very amazing c:

[darkmoonravewolf]

Ruby and Weiss's first date is them going clothes shopping because Weiss realized that Ruby didn't really pack much before she came to beacon.

Ruby is a bit hesitant at first because she doesn't have enough money. But eventually warms up to the idea after Weiss insists that she can pay for it and if she really wants, she can just pay her back later. The first thing Ruby does is drag Weiss to Grimm Hot Topic and Weiss is both flabbergasted and a bit lovestruck seeing Ruby so happy and picking out new accessories for herself, "She's such a dorky little goth, I love her."

Bonus: Ruby manages to get Weiss to try on something and nearly squeals when Weiss picks out a matching chocker.

[lialox]

*does a weak peace sign* n..nya... *collapses and dies*

[treesbian]

i got two pairs of false lashes from the dollar store and i stacked them and cut them to fit my eyes and i haven't had many other more humbling experiences. i trimmed one of them at an angle by mistake but it looked fine and also better than what my goal was so i tried to make the other one match but it doesn't. but my eyes don't match either. so. i think it looks fine this way. i also got white eyeliner on them by accident and i didn't know how to get it off so i just committed and put more white eyeliner on them. i did give up on wearing white eyeliner on my actual eyelids though

[nocturnalnewsiestrash]

I am very tired but I've yet to get my brain to agree to sleeping. And it's apparently bad enough that my slightly less focused than usual eyes thought I was gazing at art of Charles Rowland and Crystal Palace when it was actually Jane Su and August Landry art. How I managed to do that I have no idea but I feel like I have to apologize to all four of them I am so sorry I confused you my beloveds

[shirogane-oushirou]

keep thinking about (platonically, pre-dating) hanging out in ren's apartment until he gets home from work. he's exhausted, we're clearly doing one of our takeout-and-a-movie nights. he flops down on the couch next to me, limp like a fucking wet noodle, and i like. pat my lap and offer it to him.

he's in DEEP yearning territory -- very "god i want to so so badly but every relationship i've been in has crashed and burned and i don't want to fuck this up" -- so getting physically close is like a double-edged sword for him... but he takes one long look at my lap, goes "that's free real estate", and flops his head down. i start scritching his scalp. and after a few minutes of quiet chit-chat, his voice trails off and he starts kitten-snoring.

he wakes up later, and i've nodded off in the meantime. he should probably get up to order food, but he doesn't want to leave this comfy little situation we have going on. so instead of getting up, he just re-adjusts himself, reaches up, and slides my hand back onto his scalp to rest there. he slowly falls back asleep, basking in the comfort he feels around me, knowing he'd normally only feel this safe falling asleep around his sister and niece. <3

i'm also thinking about that tag-ramble i did forever ago of him, pre-dating, having some kind of dental work done and getting The Good Stuff™. and when i go to pick him up he's all loopy and flirty, and when he asks for a hug he uses the opportunity to pull me onto the hospital bed with him to snuggle and flirt even more, and i just OUHGGHHH i still. need. to make that a comic.

[chilapis]

hiii lapis 🫶 what would a quiet / lazy / no work day off with you and tartaglia look like? does one of you try to work and has to be dragged back to bed for more rest ? i hope ur doing welll yayy 🙇‍♀️

Hiiiii, hi Clara!! It’s genuinely so sweet of you to drop by with the end of the semester weighing down on you like so. I know I say it enough for it to becoming irritatingly redundant but please make sure you’re taking time for yourself — Dimitri would want you giving yourself breaks, whether they be social, or academic.

Two people who are both most “comfortable” with themselves when overworking themselves to death, have had maybe a single drink in two days (despite one of us literally having a hydro vision), and running on perhaps 6 hours of sleep combined being expected to let go completely. A battle in itself, truly.

I think the two of us would somehow fit in both of the roles, the person trying to crawl out of bed and the one trying to drag them in. That said . I do have a tendency to, um. collapse unexpectedly? I don’t take naps, not willingly at-least; but suddenly finding myself passed out is not. entirely uncommon, so I definitely feel like the idea of a lazy day in would be his idea rather than mine; probably carries me to bed and tucks me in before I pull him in myself. but also. I’m the one who absolutely doesn’t let him leave <- Might have been somewhat reluctant to spend the day in bed, but absolutely OPPOSED to the idea of him getting out.

I absolutely loathe how cold I run maturally and I reckon he’s much warmer due to having to adapt to the harsh weather conditions of Shneznaya so, he’s not. leaving after that. He tries to plead his way out and I just look at him like this.

Sopping wet cat born in a cardboard box flooded with rainwater. How dare you abandon her. Jail for the Ajax. Jail for one thousand years (for the. third time in his life? How does he keep doing it)

I feel like it’d literally just be more or less a day in that’s just spent cuddling though. Maybe we can worm our way out of the bed at some point and cook something together though — I always find domesticity to be my Achilles heel, unfortunately. The idea of cooking with him, helping each other in the kitchen in casual clothing, clearly disheveled and vulnerable… arms wrapped around my waist while I work the stove…. Lowering a wooden casket for me will be futile, use titanium. I’m going to claw my way out and live forever

But also aside from cuddling him… I know those muscles are tense, I know he hasn’t had an actual moment of relief in absolute ages, so the idea of just kneading his back, massaging his shoulders, stroking hair and lightly rubbing his scalp while making sure not to tug on his hair, massaging his temples. Spending a portion of the day just actually getting him to physically and mentally relax instead of being in fight-mode would be sufficient to get me to relax as well honestly. That said, I think I’d actually sob if he turned down the offer and tried to return to his work

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Maybe some Twilight backstory pretty please 👉👈

-🐚🦀

“This place is freaking creepy.”

Link glanced at Midna as she hovered close to him, eyes alert. They’d been dispatched for a medical alarm with no contact with the person who had activated it. That usually meant they had to potentially break into someone’s house to check on them.

At three in the morning, it set Link’s nerves on edge.

This house was particularly unsettling, given that no lights were on and no one was calling for help. Typically, if someone had activated their medical alarm they were already up and about, so there would be some sort of sign of life in the house.

“Is the stove on?” Midna hissed.

Link crept towards the stove to find that it was, in fact, off, though the light indicating that an eye was on was activated. What in the world.

“Ugh, I knew going to Arbiter’s Lane would lead to something sketchy like this,” Midna grumbled, cautiously stepping ahead with a flashlight before calling out for the third time, “Rescue squad!”

No response, just like before.

Except for a door closing behind them, making both first responders jump out of their skin. When they turned, no one was there.

“Air pressure,” Midna reasoned, looking at Link nervously.

“Yeah…” Link agreed shakily.

When they reached the back bedroom, Link found an elder woman lying in bed, motionless.

Clearing his throat nervously, he said, “Hello?”

The woman’s eyes popped open immediately, making Link startle, and she looked at them confusedly. The medical alarm necklace hung around her neck, squished into her side.

“Hi,” Link greeted. “We’re with the rescue squad. Your medical alarm went off. Is everything okay?”

“Oh,” she said mildly. “Yes, it’s fine. Sorry to bother you.”

“No worries,” Midna chimed in, dragging Link out of the room before telling dispatch that it was an accidental activation.

The pair stood outside the ambulance for a moment, staring at each other in bewilderment.

“She took that pretty well for being woken from a dead sleep by two strangers in her house,” Link noted.

Midna huffed. “That place is still freaking creepy though.”

[sea-of-souls1100]

Returning the favor - tell me something about your interest(s), you seem fun :)

Oh- thank you! Um. Sorry LOL

The guys in my brain are alllll pokemon (except for Ethoslab, who lives here year-round and rent-free), so we're gonna talk about Pokemon HeartGold/SoulSilver >:)

First off all, I love these games. Love em to pieces. I've had HeartGold since I was like 7, although I kept taking long breaks, forgot the story, and had to start the game over several times >:'D I finally stuck with a save file I started last year, and made it through the whole thing in about 80 hours. I do play a little slower than most, but we'll talk more about the reason for the stupid amount of time it took me now.

First of all, it's very important to understand that I play on a console, not an emulator. No hacks for me. Second of all, grinding in HG/SS is SHIT. It's so bad. It takes SO LONG to level your mons, especially in the postgame. The highest level wild pokemon you can find are ~lvl 50, and they are found only on Mt. Silver. For context: Red's team, who are supposed to be your final-final big battle of the game and located on top of Mt. Silver, are upwards of lvl 80.

This game's actual content, on the other hand, is my second favorite only to the original Unova storyline. These games have a relatively basic storyline, but a LOT of postgame content. You get two whole regions, a callback to the previous protagonists, and quick references to the Hoenn and Sinnoh games, which came out between the original Gold/Silver/Crystal and the HG/SS games. I also adore this game's rival, Silver. (Different from the mountain.) He's mean at first, but only because he's hurting, and he gets a very nice bettering-himself arc (adoptive after figure included)! Said father figure is Lance, the champion of the Indigo League, who I also adore. Back then, dragon types only had one weakness—ice types—and there were only a select few you could get. Unfortunately for him, I caught a Lapras pretty early on and swept his team with her, twice, but still. Dragon types are my favorites, next to dark, ghost, and grass types. (I'm very indecisive.

One last fun fact about me: I love the Chikorita line. The Chikorita line is objectively the worst Johto starter. I kick ass with my Meganium anyways <3

[hergan416]

😈 🎢🤩 for the emoji asks! :)

Thank you! (ask from here)

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Oh uh. Hmm. I'm not sure. I ... don't think so. It's rare I'm thinking of "readers" when writing something, unless it's a gift fic, in which case I am usually just trying my best to deliver on the prompt that I was given. OR I'm thinking of readers and trying to do something they will like.

Although. I might be close with something upcoming, we'll see.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I feel like for me to consider my writing a wild ride... it would need to be on the longer side and I really only have a few fics that are long enough to even like. Qualify?

I guess simply because it's the longest and actually has a completed like "arc" I'll choose Poison Paradise. I haven't actually managed to do that with any of my other longfics. But it doesn't really feel like a "wild ride" to me.

Unless you mean the actual writing process, in which case Who's the Mutt Now?. It's not finished and never will be, but I fucking ate dog food as part of writing that fic.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

What kind of terrible question is thissss aaaa. I love writing so many characterssss.

Marco from One Piece is definitely up there. I love tragedy of immortality and he is so great for it just with (spoilers: all the loved ones who die in canon while he can't).

Seto Kaiba from Yugioh also has to be on this list. I can't have been a Seto Kaiba RPer for that long and not even mention him. That man has carried so much projection I can't even. (And also a fair amount of confidence that I don't/didn't posses but have gotten better about through him. I went through so much with Seto Kaiba.)

James Bonde gives me so few problems when writing, his voice is clear and I feel like he makes sense to me and like he always can fill his narrative purpose without going ooc. That's very nice to write because it comes easily. I love him coaching Louis in Poison Paradise. He's kind of this nice mixture between light/silly and serious so he doesn't ever get on my nerves or pull the story directions I don't want it to like Sherlock, but he doesn't make the story as heavy as other characters seem to. Very nice breath of fresh air.

Honestly, I think I genuinely enjoy writing the side characters more than the main ones with yuumori even if the main ones are my favorite characters. That's a little silly, isn't it?

But I will stay silly :3

[pwurrz]

i love being on tumblr mobile and either not getting to experience the april fools prank they do each year or not noticing because i thought it was just another broken feature of the website