#i feel very much out of my depth with that one

[merakiui]

the symptoms of being human.

jade leech x (gender neutral) reader note - being human comes with its fair share of very specific symptoms. or: jade has lived in saltwater his entire life. never has it leaked out of him before. // HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY BESTIE @heyyy11!!!!!! 🎉 many wonderful wishes of health, happiness, and good fortune for you!!!! :D it isn't a lot, but please enjoy this little gift i prepared in celebration!!!

But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.

A long time ago, a human penned that line in reference to merfolk and their inability to shed tears. A fact as intimate as that couldn’t have possibly been common knowledge amongst humans, or so Jade assumed every time the story was regurgitated at bedtime. He always did that: apply logic to areas where logic wasn’t needed. His teachers used to tell him, “Jade, sometimes you need to suspend your disbelief in order to immerse yourself in a fictional world.” He could try—and try he did—but he’d find himself lingering on that quote every time.

A slight amendment to that: merfolk can cry and they do suffer, but whether they suffer more is impossible to know without further study.

Jade operates under the notion that there are explanations for everything, even the wildest of lunacy. There is comfort in comprehension. He would spend hours holed up in his sleeping nook, poring over stories and texts on humans and beastfolk. He would compare and contrast them. Can a tearless cry indicate the amount of suffering per species, or is such an abstract concept even remotely quantifiable? Perhaps it is because merfolk cry silently that they suffer. Because there is no one who can hear their weeping in the deep sea. Because there is no physical proof.

It’s easier to recognize the physical signs of grief, for what happens within is shrouded in secrecy, veiled in the depths of the heart.

So when Jade comes onto land for the first time, human skin stretched over a skeleton altered with a potion, every inch awkward and aching, the sea leaks out of his pores. He feels like a pufferfish not yet expanded but on the verge of bloating, deflated and weak, salt still spilling. And he knows it’s salt because he swipes two fingers under his armpit and brings them to his mouth to taste. It’s saltwater.

He later learns, while sitting in Professor Crewel’s class and listening to him drone on about anatomy, that this is the phenomenon known as sweating. Jade sweats when he exerts himself, when his body temperature rises degrees over what’s internally comfortable and he needs to cool down, when he ingests something spicy, when he’s sick with a fever, when he’s stressed… It’s a fascinating facet of human biology he was previously unaware of.

Azul called these peculiarities “symptoms of being human,” and what intriguing symptoms they are! He hopes to experience even more as he completes his education on land, regardless of how troublesome they might be.

Having a symptom of something implies the affected is ill in some way—as if humanity itself is an illness and this human body serves as more of a hindrance than help. Jade will forever be an eel merman, and this body is just a clever cloak crafted to make his life on land habitable. Although there are moments where he thinks his original form would suit a certain task. Like swimming or any sport in the water, really. But he likes to struggle and fail, learning from every human mistake.

These symptoms are not terrible. Not to him, at least.

He meets you in the woods. You’re hunched over the ground, patting a compact lump of freshly disturbed soil. A burial, he thinks, but then he’s not certain. When you fashion a little marker out of sticks and ribbons, it occurs to him that he was right.

“Hello to you, too,” you say, turning to glance at him.

There’s something that stills in the air. A feeling catches and tugs at his heart. He can’t explain it—still can’t even to this day—but something trickles out of his eyes then. A droplet of water and then another and then more until silent streams are falling thick. He blinks until his once-blurry vision clears, only to find you’re looking at him fully now.

Jade gathers the wetness on his fingertips and licks curiously. Salt.

Horrifyingly, he’s sweating from his eyes.

He doesn’t panic. A grotesque part of him wants to know what else these eyes are capable of in this body. 

You draw in breath through your lips. A gasp. “Oh! Are you all right?”

He nods because even if his brain doesn’t understand it yet his heart does.

You are the person he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.

This isn’t fiction, and he doesn’t have to pretend to accept it as his temporary reality just to enjoy the story it promises. He knows. His heart—the eel-mer heart—knows. This salt is a symptom of being human, but a symptom of being a mer is that there is the strongest sixth sense for finding one’s other half.

“Are you sure?” you press, rising to your feet, digging through your bag for tissue. “You’re crying!”

He blinks back at you. I’m…crying.

He’s not sweating. He’s crying.

“Forgive me,” he says even though he knows there’s nothing to apologize for. “My eyes must not be working today.”

A sympathetic smile spreads on your face. “Did you come here with anyone?”

He shakes his head and explains rather simply that he’s come on account of club business. “I’m the only member in my club,” he elaborates unnecessarily, “and so I often come here to hike and forage. I suppose I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone on this route.”

“Club? You’re a student?” Before he has a chance to respond, you add, “No way! What school? I’m from Royal Sword.”

“Night Raven.”

“Whoa! That’s so cool. I’ve heard lots about that school. Oh, sorry, I’m totally chatting your ear off. If it’s not an issue, would you like to walk back together? Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just worried about you.”

The affable conversation was so smooth Jade almost forgot he’s been leaking—crying—the entire time.

“Why would you be worried? I assure you there’s nothing in this forest that could harm me,” he says, holding a hand over his heart.

As if it isn’t the woods that might hurt him but, rather, the person standing in front of him. He has never felt any need to protect his heart, but now he thinks he must. If he’s to offer it to you in the future, he wants to do so when it is perfectly whole and packed full of happiness.

“Um… Well, I just don’t want you to do anything…harmful,” you say, stringing the words together awkwardly. “People care about you. They’d miss you.”

He glances past you at the burial. Just above, a nest of baby birds chirp noisily. He understands now.

“As it happens, I’m currently quite content.”

“You are?”

He tilts his head at you and smiles, teary-eyed and most likely red in the face.

“I am. Very much so. I’ve experienced another human symptom. I couldn’t be any happier.”

You exhale a quiet, semi-amused breath. “I’m glad.” Your hand is held out next. “I’m (Name). It’s nice to meet you.”

His webless, clawless hand closes around yours. “Jade Leech,” he greets.

— — —

“You look good,” Floyd compliments, watching Jade fuss over himself in the mirror. “Shrimpy’ll think so. And Mama. Pops, too.”

“So everyone,” he replies smartly, his hands shaking as he smooths the nonexistent wrinkles in his suit. They reach for the jewelry strung around his neck. He’s wearing his mother’s pearls. Tradition and memory are twined throughout each one. For every hand that holds this chain, a new pearl will be added. It has been in his family for ages. After today, he’ll add his and the necklace will be a pearl longer.

He feels like he needs to pace up and down a mountain. Like he needs to strip this seaweed-esque suit off and jump into the ocean to feel free of constriction. Clothes are always so…unique. That’s the word he chooses to use. Another symptom, he’s certain, because clothes are to humans as colors are to merfolk. Humans attract each other with fashion styles just as mers flash colors and patterns at those they intend to charm.

“Everyone,” Floyd echoes, grinning to ease the tension. “C’mon. You know everything’s gonna be fine.”

Logically, Jade is aware of that. There were rehearsals and lists and triple-checks. Everything is in order. He’s ready. You’re ready. Illogically, he thinks he’s about to shake out of his skin from either excitement or anxiety or a combination of both.

Floyd’s hand comes down upon his shoulder. He relaxes beneath the squeeze. “You got this.”

“I do,” he whispers, turning away from the mirror with a smile.

He waits for you at the altar. A feeling he knows well enough claws at the back of his eyes. It’s been steadily encroaching since this morning, or perhaps it’s always been there ever since he first met you.

When he sees you, his world comes together and everything is warm and wonderful. There are tears on his face, tracking down his cheeks in hot streaks. It’s not embarrassing even though, somewhat flustered, he mouths to his parents that he’s simply sweating from the eyes. A symptom they’ll soon experience in their temporary human bodies.

Out of every human symptom he’s experienced, he thinks this one is his favorite.

You meet him at the front, and beneath an awning of the prettiest flowers you join hands.

“How do you feel?” you murmur, your thumbs running over his palms.

He’s going to say he feels like his world is brighter and wrapped in silk—like he’s looking love right in the face.

Through his tears, he smiles and says, “Like my eyes are working properly today.”

You giggle around a rising sob. Happy tears, he notes, much like the ones sticking to his face. “Weird. Because mine don’t seem to be working today.”

“A shame. You can’t see how beautiful you are.”

“I trust you.”

“I can’t promise mine won’t sweat halfway through the ceremony, but I appreciate your faith in me.”

“It’s fine. Mine are already doing that.”

And it’s everything to him—you, this union, the tears, these messy, complex symptoms of being human. Everything.

Jade thinks he’d like to rewrite that old quote from his childhood.

But a mermaid has no tears and so that may be true in storybook blue, but it is her heart that weeps for everything she has experienced, is experiencing, and will experience; the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.

[biancadoes1]

This is not really an ask. But I was reading an older article today about Nic when she first tried on the intimacy wear at home in front of her mirror & thought “Absolutely not. How am I going to do this.” Then proceeded to hide it in the bottom of her laundry basket.

It reminded me of the way she talked about how terrified she felt in the lead up to their first kiss, to the point she had a stress rash. Gives an insight into how big of a deal all of this was for her. Scary even. How vulnerable she felt. (I mean who wouldn’t!) Then the things she says about Luke - he’s so supportive, he never made her feel judged, he made her feel safe, he is just a joy to be around, she can’t imagine doing this with anybody else, what was originally terrifying turned out to be some of her favourite days, the whole experience is just so special and not something they can explain to anyone else, how they have amazing communication - anything they were unsure or nervous about they could just talk about it.

I think because we mostly see the fun & flirty side of them, it’s easy to forget sometimes just how much their bond and that comfort and closeness they have with each other was very much earned. There is a real strength and depth to their relationship. Like she says, they really went on a journey together… she always really liked him but now she has a real love for him.

The way they make each other feel seen, safe and supported (wether that be on red carpets or on set) is such a beautiful and special thing. I think about the strongest relationships in my own life and it’s the ones where I’ve been the most vulnerable, where they’ve seen me at my most unguarded. The ones that have seen me through the hard stuff and that make the difficult & scary parts of life more bearable.

I guess this is just a reminder that the love we see they have for each other is very real just like N says it is. They laughed and joked a lot on the world tour about how much they enjoyed it & I don’t doubt that for a second and I love that light, fun, cheeky side to their relationship. But just like Pen & Colin, there’s history there for Luke & Nic… one that is very hard to compete with. There were some very real fears, struggles and growth that they bore witness to & supported each other through to get to this point. It’s not surprising that their relationship is not like any other relationship she has. She said towards the end it became effortless for them. They clearly adore and respect each other deeply. I do not think it would be easy for another partner to compete with that kind of earned ease and trust. Or for L & N to not be drawn back to the safety of each others arms. I think they are home to each other and I think they are reminded of that every day they are together and apart.

❤️❤️❤️

[3rdgymbros]

━ 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐓𝐨 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭.

— pairing; malleus draconia x reader

— summary; set in the future, where there's a threat to you and your unborn child

— notes; i was inspired to write this after watching a scene on youtube where we meet maleanor for the first time. please donate to my kofi if you like my work. and know that i am mentally smooching everyone who reblogs my stuff.

❋ It starts off as an ordinary day.

❋ You typically spend your mornings in the palace gardens, enjoying the breeze on your skin and the smell of fresh flowers. Now that you’re heavily pregnant with the future heir of Briar Valley, you’re constantly monitored by the Royal Guards, ensuring your safety in the absence of their Lord.

❋ But on this particular day, something goes wrong.

❋ The threat to your safety is swift and sudden, leaving you scrambling to protect your unborn child. Your protectors are caught off guard, leaving you vulnerable and unprotected for just a few terrifying moments.

❋ When word of the attack reaches Malleus, his blood runs cold. Then, it boils. His composure cracks, betraying the true depths of his emotions: a controlled, silent rage that emanates a chilling aura throughout the castle hall. His magic crackles in the air, the darkness swirling like a tempest around him. Everyone, guards and servants alike, can feel the suffocating weight of his fury.

❋ The guards — some of Briar Valley’s finest — stand frozen before Malleus, unable to meet his gaze with their heads bowed low. But he doesn't lash out immediately. Instead, he surveys them with a thoughtful, calculating look, purposely prolonging the tension in the otherwise silent room as they await his judgement.

❋ In his mind, he’s analysing every single one of their failings, dissecting the chain of events that allowed you and his unborn child to be placed in jeopardy. It’s a battle to restrain himself; the true depths of his emotions would surely set Briar Valley ablaze. As it is, the sky outside is already grey and overcast, reflecting the blackness of his mood.

❋ Finally, Malleus confronts the guards with a chilling calmness, his voice like the crackling embers of a storm. “Your folly,” he hisses, his words cold and precise, “could have cost Briar Valley its future.”

❋ Lilia watches from the shadows, a fond smile playing across his lips. Secretly, he’s taken aback by how much Malleus resembles his mother in this very moment. Maleanor had once looked at him the same way, with blazing eyes and a terrifying show of lightning magic, when he had arrived moments too late to protect her and her egg, a young Malleus still forming inside.  

❋ Maleanor’s fierce love had been passed down to Malleus, and he would protect you and his child just as she had protected him.

[demilypyro]

I dunno, I don't have much to say about most of them. The character writing is... I wanna say it's a bit inconsistent?

Vi and Jinx are supposed to be the main characters but I actually kinda think they're the least interesting ones from a writing perspective. Vi is a pretty flat "punch my problems until they go away" protagonist without much depth to speak of.

And Jinx.... by the third time they made her do crazy eyes and drew a bunch of shit on the camera I was getting pretty tired of her shtick, honestly. They seem to make her randomly act exactly as sane or insane as the plot needs her to be, which makes the story feel like a bit of an idiot plot, in that the conflict would just be over if Jinx acted rationally for 3 scenes in a row. Not my favorite depiction of mental illness! Kinda rough.

Jayce and Caitlyn are pretty fun. They're both sheltered dumbasses messing with things they don't understand, but Cait at least goes out and sees what the Undercity is like. That said, she's a bit too trigger-happy for me. But that's why she's a cop, right. Jayce's idealism clashes with his bigotry in ways that make him pretty unlikeable in the back half of the show, but he serves his function well as a character that moves the plot forward at a steady pace.

Mel was a character I couldn't figure out for most of the show. She seemed like the sly manipulator type, but I wasn't sure what her angle was, if she wanted control of the council through Jayce, or what. Eventually I gathered that she's... mostly just a decent person who wants what's best for everyone. Which ironically made her less interesting in my eyes.

Heimerdinger and Ekko stand out as two characters I'd like to see a lot more of in season 2. Their roles in season 1 were somewhat minor, but teaming them up at the end was something I didn't see coming, and find very interesting. They're both essentially the "cool head" of their faction, so they mesh well.

Silco is.... fine? I was waiting for the eventual backstory episode that explained... anything about this guy. About his eye, about his history with Vander, anything. But nope. I feel like I don't understand his motivations as well as I want to. His love for Jinx seems genuine, which I wasn't expecting. He's mostly extremely competent... but he seems to slip up in ways that mostly just happen to be convenient for the story to happen the way it needs to. Again, bit of an idiot plot.

I dunno. Season 2 will prolly be fun.

[purplecoffee13]

Nemesis with Benefits - Part 6

Summary: “Three weeks have passed, and the inevitable truth leads to some harsh conversations…”

Wc: 3.3k

Tropes: enemies-to-lovers

Warnings: ANGST big time, fighting, crying (my heart hurts)

A/N: hello… I finally finished the newest chapter and I immediately wanted to get it out so you can all read it. I am incredibly sorry that it took so long, and I am also sorry for the amount of sadness in this chapter… but it had to happen🥲

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

It's been three weeks since you last saw Harry, and you feel terrible.

About what exactly? You're not sure. Dylan's sudden appearance. Harry just— walking out. What Harry and Dylan did to you. What you have been doing with Harry...

It seems that, just as the dust had started to settle, this tornado entirely threw you for a loop again. Finally getting to terms with your feelings and accepting the idea of a friendship with Harry, it all came crashing down the moment you spotted Dylan at that pool table.

You'd spent hours furiously scribbling in your notebook to understand the depths of this tricky situation you'd managed to work yourself into, but you haven't found a logical solution or explanation for any of it.

Only that Dylan is a total dick, that is.

You had to admit that you needed some time to come down from the shock and bottled up feelings that had exploded right in front of your face. But by the end of the week, you were ready to find Harry and talk about this. What that conversation would lead to, you had no idea, but speaking to him was vital.

And apparently impossible.

He wouldn’t respond to your texts, nor your calls when you eventually decided to give calling him a try. When you'd finally mustered up the courage to sneakily ask Benjamin about Harry's whereabouts, you were smacked in the face with the news that Harry had left.

He'd gone home to England to visit his family, Benjamin said. When you'd asked whether it had to do anything with the Dylan fiasco, Benjamin had shrugged and said that Harry did visit his family every single year. But he also mentioned he went a bit earlier than planned, so he thought the other night might have had a little bit to do with it.

Planned or not planned, it left you with a lot of confusion and doubt for the next two weeks, one of which you spent in your own hometown, trying to enjoy spring break as much as you could with a broken heart and an occupied mind.

You hadn't returned to your college town yet when Harry finally did, and you were bummed about not being able to talk to him. Rebecca and Benjamin were going to a party Harry was throwing so you guessed you'd hear about his state when you got back.

It would've be a bit embarrassing to admit, but it's one of the reasons you caught an earlier train this morning. You texted Rebecca, telling her you’d back sooner than planned. but you hadn't heard from her so far. While you'd thought it was a little weird, you figured you'd see her this evening anyway.

You didn't expect her to be at your front door.

A smile creeps onto your face as you neared her, leaving your luggage to the side as you open your arms for a hug, but Rebecca just stands there, arms crossed. Quirking up a brow, you ask:

"Hey, are you okay?"

A few seconds pass before she responds.

"We need to talk."

Absolute, utter dread fills your entire body as you nod, grabbing your suitcase. "What is it about? Do you want to go upstairs?"

Rebecca doesn't answer your question, she only nods in response to your second. You are quick to unlock my door and walk towards my apartment with her. The elevator ride is silent and excruciating, and when you've finally entered your living room, you're quick to ask away.

"Okay, what's going on?" Your question sounds almost irritated, which in hindsight doesn't seem very smart because it only seems to tick Rebecca off. What is going on with her?

"Harry threw a little get together yesterday," Your friend sighs, crossing her arms. "and I couldn't help but notice the familiarity of his home address when he sent it to us."

Your face pales. Oh my god, you are going to throw up. This cannot possibly be happening right now. Rebecca notices your instant change in the demeanor, her own growing angry. You take a few steps back and sit down on the couch.

"You slept with him, after what he did to you?! How could you do that?!"

You are at a loss of words, despite having thought about how you were going to break this news to her one day. "I— I don't know, I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know? You slept with the guy your boyfriend cheated on you with! God, have you no self-respect?!"

Her words hit you like a slap in the face, and as the tears roll down your cheeks, you begin to shake your head.

"Rebecca— I..."

"No, listen, Y/N. For months, Benjamin and I have been walking on eggshells, trying so hard to make sure you're comfortable. Benjamin even punched Harry, for Christ's sake. Do you even know that?"

You nod slowly, the guilt that has been tightening around your throat settling in your stomach as well.

"I'm sorry..." You peep, looking down at the floor. Meeting Rebecca's eyes is too terrifying at the moment. You can't handle that right now.

"God... why him? You don't even like him." Rebecca goes on, and the tears prickling in your eyes turn into full blown sobs as soon as the words have left her mouth. With your hands buried in your face, you don't see your friend sitting next to you, but you feel her rubbing your back.

"Shit... you like him, don't you?" She concludes, and your crying only increases at hearing that confession fall from another person's lips. This is the most complicated thing you have ever experienced. It takes a minute or so to finally manage to control your tears, and have calmed down enough to respond.

"I don't know how this happened." You confess between your sobs. "I didn't— I wasn't supposed to!"

"Hey, calm down." Rebecca pulls you closer to her, and you continue crying in her lap. "Everyone has at least one person they weren't— supposed to sleep with."

You pull yourself up, wiping away your tears as you shake your head. "I meant, I wasn't supposed to care about him. Sleeping with him was a choice I made, and I don't regret it because it was a distraction, and it worked. But it only worked because I hated him. I wasn't supposed to start... caring."

"Sweets, being that intimate with someone will leave you with no other option than to care for them, at least at some point." Rebecca reminds you. Your gaze is fixated on the ground, all these truths flying through your scrambled mind. You let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry." You finally say, and another tear slips down your cheek as Rebecca strokes your hair.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made that comment about self worth, that was uncalled for, and mean. I was just angry, but that's no excuse."

You look at your friend, whose eyes also seem to be blurry, and conjure a faint smile. "You're forgiven."

Rebecca pulls you into a tight hug, and it takes her a full minute before you finally get her to agree to let go. When she does, she immediately stands up and grabs a glass of water for the both of you while you wipe your smudged mascara away with a tissue.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" She asks when she sits down, handing you the glass. You shrug before taking a large gulp of the water before setting it back on the table.

"I have no idea."

Rebecca leans back into the couch, eyeing you for a couple of seconds before speaking up. "Can I be really honest here?"

You're careful to look your friend in the eyes, her bluntness scaring you sometimes, but you nod anyway.

"I think you two are a pretty good match— you know, if you wouldn't count all the shit that happened of course. I was actually surprised when you went out with Dylan instead of Harry in the beginning. I thought Harry was a much better fit for you.” She tells you, and your brow quirks up at her words. You didn't expect her to go down this route. “You're just... compatible, you know? Plus, I was convinced he liked you."

"Rebecca, he hated me from the start." You scoff, but she shakes her head intently.

"No I know, but I swear, he asked about you before that party where you met him and Dylan. I thought he was interested in you."

By now, you have your hands buried in your hair as you listen to all this new information that you are being fed by your friend. This is way too confusing and it's making your headache even worse.

"But then you told me he was being rude, so I just brushed it off as a lapse of judgment from my side. Of course now we know he was acting like an asshole to you because of Dylan—which I still think is a dick move, by the way." Rebecca rants on. The weight on your chest that had seemed to have subsided for a minute has grown in size again.

"My point is, your relationship with Harry has been a wreck from the start, and the main cause for that is Dylan. So if you can't get over the Dylan situation, it's probably going to be impossible to ever build a lasting relationship with Harry."

Rebecca's words ring in your ears. It's a revelation that has been looming in your mind for a bit now. There was a part of you that knew this was an extremely complicated situation and therefore didn't want to tackle it, as a possible solution seemed to be non-existent. You've hit a wall in your relationship—if it even can be called that—with Harry, and if you really want to move forward, you'll have to climb over that wall and hope Harry will take your hand and come along.

You sigh, your tired eyes meeting Rebecca's. "You're right."

************************************************

It's been about an hour since Rebecca left and you've been pacing your living room ever since, devising a plan on how to talk to Harry. What to say to him, how to say it, and with what outcome in mind.

A knock on the door relieves your from your taunting thoughts for a moment, but opening your door throws you for an entirely different loop as you find Harry standing across from you.

He looks worn out. The dark circles under his eyes aren't extremely prominent but the sole fact that they're there tells you enough. He also appears to be in gym clothes, which makes you wonder whether this trip to your apartment was planned or not.

"Hey." He croaks out, his eyes flicking up and down your face and body, calculating any reaction that might come from you.

"Hi." You respond breathlessly. Neither of you say another word—you spend most of the silent minute staring at him—until Harry finally clears his throat.

"Can I— uh..." his finger points towards your living room, and before you know it, you step aside. He enters your apartment, following you as you head for your couch.

Another dreadful silence follows as the both of you sit next to each other, waiting for the other one to break first. It's excruciating and it feels like it goes on forever. You don't realize you're picking at your nail beds until Harry's voice takes you out of your dissociative trance.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" You scan his face, squinting your eyes a bit. There is something unsettling about his demeanor. It's so passive, at least it seems.

"For just leaving like that." He meets your eyes, and you notice the guilt displayed in them. Not knowing what to say, you refrain from answering as you think of everything that has happened. When you finally do open your mouth, Harry's focus on you is so intense that it makes you a bit nervous, the weight of your words becoming much heavier now that you know Harry will be hanging onto your every single one.

"You really hated me, you know. And it wasn't just because of Dylan. You despised me, always did, and I never understood why."

You watch as his eyes turn glassy and he shakes his head, softly whispering 'no' over and over again. Your brows crease at his attempt at—what seems to you—denial. He can't oppose that he hated you. He has literally said it multiple times.

"Don't pretend that you didn't Harry, I know you did."

"No, that's not—" he protests.

"Then what is it?” The questions falls off your tongue in a hurry, the frustration that has been bottled up inside of you slowly beginning to unleash. "The other night, right before spring break, I really thought we were on our way to becoming friends. I felt like it was actually possible. And then you just— left. One glimpse of him and you were gone.”

You take a deep breath before continuing. “It's been eating at me for the past three weeks that you just walked out and began ignoring me. So please, Harry, clarify it for me because I don’t understand any of this.”

Harry hangs his head and sighs. “It's complicated. And stupid... and probably doesn't make any sense."

"Then make sense of it." You command, leaning forward so he is forced to meet your eyes. He holds your gaze for a few seconds, then nods, a small frown on his face as he figures out what he wants to say. You try not to hold your breath as you wait for him to start, but you find yourself doing it anyway as soon as he starts speaking.

"I, uh— I'd liked Dylan for quite some time, and he knew that. He led me on for a long time, and I was trying to get over him, but it just felt like it was impossible, you know?" He explains, picking at the skin on his fingers out of nervous habit. You hum, telling him you understand without actually interrupting him. He continues.

"So, one day I was walking out of class and I ran into Rebecca. She was with you and some other girls, and you were all waiting for her while she was talking to me. I remember seeing you, and I thought you were very pretty, which was special to me because I hadn't felt so intrigued by someone in a long time."

Your heartbeat becomes more prominent, and suddenly you can feel it beating loudly as he speaks. You fiddle with your sweaty hands. He was intrigued by you? The nerves swerve through your stomach, not being able to make sense of what Harry is saying just yet. It’s contradicting everything you’ve known about Harry’s feelings towards you since you met him. But Rebecca’s words hang in the back of your head, and there is a wave of anticipation that almost overwhelms you: the anticipation that Rebecca might be right. Harry clears his throat.

“So anyways, I asked Rebecca about you and she told me you'd come to the party. Later, I was kind of— stalking you on Instagram, and Dylan saw. He teased me about it. Suddenly he started to give me loads of attention again. And I thought maybe he was jealous, and he had realized that he liked me, and this was finally the moment that it would all work out.” He says with a certain bitterness, not necessarily aimed at anyone but himself. As if he is mad at himself for those past rose-tinted thoughts he had regarding Dylan. “But then he got together with you at the party a couple days late, and I was just... so angry."

Harry’s eyes become glassy, and you feel your heart crack. After your break-up with Dylan it became clear how much effect he had on Harry. Now knowing the history, the constant push and pull, you don’t find it weird. Harry had allowed him inside his heart time and time again, all the while Dylan would just figure out how to play at his heartstrings. Just enough to keep him coming back everything single time, hoping something had changed.

“It felt like he wasn't allowing me to get over him. I had finally met someone who made me realize that maybe the first stages of like— love and dating shouldn't feel like your heart is constantly being ripped from your chest. That it could be innocent and fun. And it felt as if he was mocking me for it, by going after that hope and taking it away.”

He looks at you, and you give him a weak, sympathetic smile, swallowing away the physical pain you get from hearing about Harry’s emotional pain. Caring so deeply can be the most euphoric thing, but it’ll come back to bite you in the ass when the person you care about is hurting. You realize then, in that moment, how thin the line between a blessing and a curse is.

But when your hand finds his and you intertwine your fingers, you figure it’s more of a blessing anyway.

“And I just— I don't want to spin it as if you were a piece of meat, because Dylan cared about you. I saw that, and I hated it because I used to wish it was me. It made me be a dick to you, and I’m really fucking sorry about that, because you didn’t deserve that at all. If I could take all of that back then I would.”

He sighs as soon as all the ramblings of words have left his mouth, and you feel the weight of that sigh. His body tells you it as well: he’s relieved. Initially, you find yourself at a loss of words, and the only thing that your mind can generate as a response escapes before you can stop yourself.

“Well, if you take it all back then we bever would’ve have had such mind-blowing sex, right?” You blurt out, and Harry chuckles at your stupid joke. You laugh along as you try to scramble together a real answer, stroking his hand with your thumb.

“I’m sorry Dylan used you like that, I can only imagine how frustrating that is. And while I agree you should’ve never been so grumpy to me, I can’t say that I haven’t acted rude out of jealousy before.” You say earnestly, the thought of that night at the bar popping inside your head. You weren’t exactly nice to that girl Harry was talking to either. In fact, you didn’t acknowledge her at all.

“Rebecca said we need to get over the Dylan situation if we ever want to build any sort of relationship whatsoever. We need to forgive each other and move past it, otherwise we can never be— friends.” Your cheeks heat up at your quick save. It’s quiet between the two of you, but his grip on your hand doesn’t loosen the slightest bit. Harry is staring at his lap, making it difficult for you to read what he’s thinking. He raises his head to meet your eyes, and when you are met with the sight of a tear rolling down his cheek, your own vision blurs instantly.

"How can I forgive you for something you never did?"

The hopelessness of his question smashes your heart into a thousand pieces. You are quite sure you physically hear it crack. The broken pieces pierce into every part of your body, including your throat, that feels too heavy as you gather strength to answer him. Your breath hitches the first time you try to get some words out and fail, so your voice wavers when you manage to speak.

“I don’t know...”

Taglist: @hisparentsgaleryy @love-letters-to-uranus @moonwitttch19 @notmeherelol173 @fairytale07 @valuunit

[planetpedri]

Can you write one about Pedri or Gavi or Fermin dating a singer and going to their concert just to find out that there’s a surprise song dedicated for them? <3 thank you!

We’ll be stars — Pedri , Gavi , Fermín.

Pairing: Pedri x Reader , Gavi x Reader , Fermín x Reader

Summary: In which , they go to one of your concerts and you surprise with a dedicating a song.

Disclaimer/s: This will be 3 separate parts but I couldn’t figure out whom to choose so i just did three different blurbs for it. I will put who the song is actually by next to their names so you can listen to them as well!

A/N: Hai hello hi thank you to enya bae who helped me with this!!

Pedri Gonzalez . . . Apple Pie — Lizzy McAlpine !

Watching from the VIP booth with your family and a fee friends, Pedri had a wide smile on his face, so wide that it was hurting. He loved to see you preform in front of crowds, it brought out a different side of you he rarely got to see.

You had just announced you were singing a surprise unreleased song, so Pedri had whipped out his phone ready to capture the moment.

“I wrote this while on vacation with my boyfriend, so this one is dedicated especially to him.” Your eyes scanned the crowd till you found the VIP box, landing on him with a smile.

When you began to sing though, his phone slowly slid back into his pocket. It was certainly a surprise song. The lyrics had his heart swelling three sizes, with every word he had clung onto, he felt his love for you grow. He was suddenly very ready for the concert to end, he was desperate to give you a hug, to kiss you, to hold you close, and most importantly, tell you just how much he loved you.

But me, oh, my / I found you under an April sky / And you feel like / City life, apple pie baked just right /Home is wherever you are tonight.

Pablo Gavi . . . Call me — Kali Uchis !

When you announced you were playing an unreleased song, he wasn’t expecting this. The lyrics held weight and meaning behind them, something you knew only he would understand. You two had gotten into a massive argument less than a week ago over him not opening up enough, and it wasn’t until now that he fully understood the depth of how you felt.

You're an ocean, got me flooded / Now my insides floating, got me gutted / No one do it quite like you / Got me sitting 'round writing haikus / If you feel lonely or abused / You know that all you gotta do is / Call me, you can call me / Boy, just call me.

Gavi’s jaw clenched, not out of annoyance, but because he was proud of you. You had a way of explaining the hard things through song, and he was going to make it his top priority to apologize after the concert. He promised himself in that moment, that he would do his best to open himself up to you.

Fermín Lopez . . . Close to you — Gracie Abrams !

You mic pressed to your lips as you spoke, explaining the meaning behind the song you were about to sing. “I wrote this before me and my boyfriend—who is here somewhere in the crowd, actually—had started dating. I swore it was one sided.. until it wasn’t.” And with that, the instrumental beginning began to play.

Fermín watched from his seat, an aching smile on his lips. He watched you with stars in his eyes as you preformed, his heart swarming with adoration and love.

I was so cool, but then, all of a sudden / You saw me look at you / I burn for you / And you don't even know my name / If you asked me to / I'd give up everything / to be close to you.

It wasn’t until much later on in the night, when the two of you were nestled in bed, that your friend had sent you a video. They’d caught Fermín on video reacting to your song, his mouth slightly parted as he watched you in awe. His eyes caught onto the girl who was recording and he covered his face when he realized it wasn’t just her, it was dozens upon dozens of people staring at him, smiling and giggling at his reaction.

Turning over in the bed, you show your boyfriend the video. His face flushes in embarrassment, stumbling over his words. You chuckle, shutting him up with a deep kiss. “You’re adorable.” You mumble against his lips.

likes , comments , and reblog’s are all appreciated. lmk if you’d like to be tagged in any future posts.

DTS , @halfwayhearted @spidybaby @gadriezmannsgirl @unx100to !

[judesmoonbeauty]

Chaotic Night CE: Ellis Twilight

CW: Confinement. It's consensual, but may be triggering for those not good with enclosed spaces.

This is a fan translation. 100% accuracy is not guaranteed. Cybird owns everything. Re-blogs are appreciated, but please do not re-post my translations elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support, and I hope that you enjoy the story! ☾.

The party ended after all the cursed consumed the extract of the Queen of the Night.

Since we didn't know what kind of impact it would have on us, we all decided to stay in our rooms until dawn.

Worried about Ellis, I followed him to his room —

(Is this what they meant by the “curse,” being strengthened?)

Before I knew it, roses and thorns bloomed, and wrapped themselves all around Ellis’ body.

Kate: It looks strange but….it suits you very well.

Ellis: Hehe, if you like it Kate, then I’m glad.

At that moment, a small flower bud blossomed from a thorn.

Kate: Wow…it bloomed.

Ellis: Oh, you’re right.

The blossoming roses were so vibrant, I couldn’t help but admire them.

( It’s beautiful….but, I never expected such a transformation.)

Kate: …Ellis, how does your body feel?

Kate: Roger said it’s not life-threatening, but I wonder about any side-effects.

Ellis: Thanks for worrying about me.

Ellis: But yeah, my body’s condition…

Ellis: For some reason, I keep thinking about how I want to cling to you forever.

Ellis: — I can’t get it out of my head.

Then, the briar thorns slowly grow once, then twice, winding up around Ellis’ body.

Kate: …Uh?

That wasn’t the only change.

Before I knew it, all of the houseplants inside Ellis’ room had been completely replaced by the wild briar thorns,

The thorns are covering the walls, crawling along the ceiling, and are tangled up on the windows —.

In an instant, the entire room is completely covered.

Looking around, the thorny vines twisted around everything, from the door knob to the keyhole.

(Is this further evidence that Ellis’ curse of thorns has strengthened?) No girl, it’s not significant at all.

Once again, I’m overwhelmed at the strength of the “curse,” visibly manifesting in such a imposing way —.

Ellis: …You can’t leave this room now, Kate.

Ellis: I’m glad.

At the same time that he smiled gently, another beautiful rose slowly bloomed from what was once a thorn.

(…That’s right, when Ellis laughed earlier the flowers bloomed.)

Kate: Perhaps, the flowers bloom when you feel happy, Ellis?

Ellis: Should we test that out?

Kate: Mmm.

Just as he squeezed me tightly in a hug, he dropped a kiss —.

Ellis playfully whispered as we slowly parted our lips.

Ellis: Being able to kiss you is one of my joys.

And once again, a rose opened up from a thorn.

Kate: Whoa…! This means you can tell by one look when your happy Ellis.

Ellis stared at me in wide-eyed amazement —.

Ellis: You’re so cute when you get excited each time a flower blooms.

Ellis: I can’t let you go anymore.

Kate: Oh.

I fell onto the bed while still being held tightly.

Ellis: …..Kate.

Kate: Mm….

When his hot lips closed in, he started to slowly suck on my tongue.

I’m left in a daze from the kisses that gently caress the inside of my mouth.

Ellis: ….You’re also cute when you’re dazed from kissing.

As Ellis whispered to me, buds on his shoulders suddenly bloomed.

Kate: …Haa, Ell-lis…..

Ellis: Mm…

Our lips meet over and over, and each time a rose opens up.

Ellis: ….When you’re happy, I’m happy, and so the roses blossom.

Ellis: Hehe, if we stay in this room forever…..we can always be happy, don’t you think?

Looking down on me with darkened twilight eyes —.

Ellis: Kate, you’re also the reason for my thorns.

Kate: Huh?

When I looked, I noticed that Ellis’ thorns were wrapped around my arms and waist.

Ellis: Now, you can’t leave me anymore.

I happily hugged the thorns.

Kate: ….Ellis.

The feelings from the depths of his heart start to fill me up.

Since Ellis and I became a couple, he showed me his desires more than before.

But, tonight was the most intensive that I’ve ever felt his desire.

— I love how honest and selfish Ellis has become with his feelings.

We embraced each other, and soon after, our whole bodies were covered in thorns.

Kate: …It’s odd, even though it’s entwining us, it doesn’t hurt a bit.

The only thing that could be felt were the prickle marks of where the thorns dug into my skin.

Ellis: I’m glad - it means you accept all of me.

In contrast to the smile he wore, his twilight eyes grew darker.

Ellis put his lips to my ear —.

Ellis: Not just with the thorns.

Ellis: I want to lock you up with my hands too.

The feverish whisper made me shiver.

The tone of his voice was carried not only with his “curse”, but also with his greedy desire —.

Kate: ….Yes. Ellis, I want you to lock me up completely.

My heart pounded as I whispered, and then my earlobe was bitten.

Kate: Nnngh.

Ellis: ….It matches my ear piercings.

He licks the bite marks, and I sigh at the sudden relief.

Behind my ears, the nape of my neck, jawline, shoulders, collarbone-

There’s a sweet, burning sensation as the heat increases between his breath and lips.

I can’t move, but I’m happy about that.

The more I love him, the more my lower stomach throbs.

Ellis: I want to go even deeper…..is that okay?

There’s only one choice.

Instead of answering, I hug him tightly.

The wild thorns stretch up to my inner thigh, and I accept their numbing bite.

While impatiently waiting for his large, hot hand to sneak inside, I fell into Ellis’ sweet, sinful bondage.

[Event Master List] Tags List: @sh0jun @theimaginativelyreticent @sapphire-323 @velisle @nateko @greatwitchsongsinger

Please let me know if you wish to be added or removed! Dividers: @.natimiles

[whimsyvixen]

Ooh would you ever do a piece on like a riot cop/riot suppression officer? Just a big burly guy with a face covering helmet that wants nothing more than to pound some law and order into the mc

Men in uniform always have clutching my pearls. Abuse of authority kink makes me one sick woman but I can't help my desires. I want to be held down by a strong man, especially by one that is hellbent on putting me in my place~~⛓️😩

You have a very peculiar head on those shoulders, darling. I absolutely love it~ 🖤♥️. You actually gave me a bit of motivation to doodle something for this idea of yours. I can't offer you a story so this drabble is the best I can give you. I hope you like it ✌️💋💋💋!!

~

Red Velvet

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Riot police officer x female reader

⚠️ WARNINGS/TAGS⚠️: explicit content, yandere, dark smut, rape/non-con elements, forced orgasm, unprotected sex, mating press, forced breeding, slapping, dacryphilia, degradation, dirty talk.

You're shrieking and sobbing from the exquisite fucking being forced on you. It was too much! I couldn't do this anymore. You're trying to shove him away and pleading for him to be more gentle, your squirming doing little to disrupt the tempo of his pistoning hips.

Desperately, you threw your hand forward with all your might and your fist connected with his face. He let out a grunt of pain, holding his nose with one hand while he held you down with the other hand to pin you to the floor. Seeing him gingerly touch his nose to determine the damage, your struggles renewed to get away from him. Suddenly, a vicious backhand twisted your head to the side, your stunned face breaking out in more tears from the sting on your cheek.

"The hard way it is then," there is a vacant look in his eyes as he stares down at you, making you dread what he had in store for you. He is quick to grab the back of your knees, pushing them to your chest to fold you into a more obscene position.

He doesn't give you time to formulate a protest before your high pitched cries echo across the room once more as he jackhammers into your poor abused pussy, the filthy squelch of cock piercing the walls of your womanhood audible over the repeated slap of wet flesh clashing against one another. Tears blur the image of the riot police officer above you, his black attire pristine if not for the blood smeared across it.

Those poor people. They didn't deserve it and here you were, allowing the monster responsible for their deaths pound away at your insides like a common whore.

"I'm almost there, you rebellious little bitch," he hissed over you, his serpentine eyes fixated on his cock plundering the heated depths of your pussy. His brows scrunched in near pain as your cunt strangles his dick, your walls gripping the rod of flesh so tightly that it was almost hard to pull out of you when he shifted his hips back.

"I'm cumming inside this tight little pussy." He chuckled at your horrified expression, bringing one gloved hand down to rub your swollen clit tenderly before pinching it between his fingers. The action had your hips thrusting up, a mortifying moan escaping your lips as you shook from the painful pleasure. Your eyes rolled back as he continued applying pressure to your sensitive nub, your mind no longer coherent as your body became a slave to his touch. Your hips started grinding shyly into his thrusts, unable to resist the decadent pleasure of a dick stretching your cunt and kissing your womb with every deep thrust.

"Good girl, let's end this, yeah?" He murmured sweetly, his harsh breathing muffled behind his mask. "I can feel my balls tightening up. Get ready for my load, bitch. You'll be drowning in it soon enough."

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #2: NOT QUITE THERE

(also on spotify!)

b-b-back once again

Round two of the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was track one, Dyad - today is track two, Not Quite There, featuring the incomparable telebasher!

This one's a bit of a dark horse relative to the rest of the album, but it may very well be my personal favorite song on the entire thing so dammit let's Yap

---

For the uninitiated, this song pulls heavily from a song off my previous album called Gummyworm, both in vibe and by very directly quoting its synth motif.

Both of these songs deal with two sides of the same emotional coin. I actually don't want to go into too much detail about it - I feel like the lyrics spell things out clearly enough - but I will say this:

When it's all you know, it's easy to believe that a love that isolates you, a love that doesn't respect you, a love that hurts is better than no love at all.

You deserve better. There are always people who genuinely want what's best for you, who want you to feel truly loved. It certainly isn't always easy - it's genuinely good if your interpersonal relationships have a little friction sometimes - but love should make your life brighter.

You deserve a love that's fair.

---

The original version of this song was actually intended to be on Bittersweet alongside Gummyworm. The original concept for that album had a whole heady concept involving duality, songs reflecting each other, the two halves basically being reprisals of each other... Ultimately, I'm glad I scrapped that idea, because it was waaaaaay too much for me to manage after a couple years of barely making music. Maybe I'll revisit it someday though?

The drums on this song are sampled from an Instagram post by Louis Cole, where he's doing this crazy one-handed hi-hat blast by holding a drumstick sideways. I'm a drummer and that shit genuinely scares me a little like i dont know how he does half the things he does its fucked BUT. I bring this up because he's one of my biggest inspirations as a musician! I'm really big on jazz in general, in case my love for spicy chords wasn't enough of an indication, but his specific brand of freaky hyperactive bullshit just does it for me.

Seriously, go watch his band KNOWER play their song Overtime. Absolutely insane performances across the board. also Clown Core

This whole song is really just my attempt at matching some of that hectic jazzy energy with my own style of music, so I figured it only made sense to make it another collab with another musician making delightfully frantic jazz bullshit - the legend herself, telebasher! I really am such a massive fan of her work, and I struggle to think of anyone who plays guitar quite like she does. We previously worked together on another Bittersweet track, Asemic Speech, and her guitar work is a major reason why that song is still one of my favorite I've ever released!! She's just built different like listen to this oh my god!!!!

Lastly, since this song was one of the first written for this entire project... it is admittedly a case of me shoehorning the album's leitmotif in after the fact. It's a little forced when it shows up in the backing vocals! But, the choir of vocal synths during the guitar solo served an additional purpose - my own voice doesn't show up on the album again for another four entire songs, and this would've otherwise been the only song on the entire album that didn't feature any vocal synths. Thus did I attempt to bridge the gap, as it were. Hopefully it makes the final product feel more natural!!

Either way, that's all for today's post.... i think.... which means that tomorrow.... we're gonna rot.... for clout

[roseywastaken]

idolatry

for the heavenly bodies collab hosted by the wonderful @theftshrubbery :)

(more under the cut)

thank you ellie for hosting such a creative and beautiful collab <3

this piece made me explore out of my comfort zone and experiment with new tools. Blending modes, new brushes, texture, rendering… I’m still struggling with lighting, so I feel there is not much depth or shadow, but so far, this is one of the best digital works I’ve made. I’m very proud and happy with it. thank you ellie for this opportunity to grow as an artist!

i love all the art that other participants posted, from the time it was a wip until it bloomed to the final artwork. what a beautiful journey. what beautiful concepts, and portrayals, and symbolisms. jaw-dropping and just— gorgeous.

———

reference + some process pics !

bonus:

the enchantment table language on the sword says Nightmare, based on c!dream’s enchanted sword which includes fire aspect :)

[everythingiloveblog]

I have so many things to complain about in ep10, that I have a hard time organizing my thoughts

Other than that, some things have been bothering me about Jack as a character, or rather the choices made for his character. Because they are definitely making some interesting (derogatory) choices with Jack’s character.

I love Jack, he is (was?) the character I’m interested in the most, but I’m starting to think that I will never get the depth(?) I thought I would get from him.

I was definitely on his side during ep7-8, defending him while people had a hard time understanding his point of view, or putting themselves in his shoes. But since ep10, like I said , some things have been bothering me.

One of them is that I noticed that Jack barely has any emotional bond with the characters in the show.

The show did it well with Joke though.

Joke & Grandma: they had so many emotional scenes of talking to each other & supporting each other & doing things for each other that I feel like, at this point, people care more about the bond between Joke & Grandma, than Jack & his own Grandma (or even Joke & Jack)

Joke & Hoy: Hoy has been on Joke’s side since episode 2 if I remember well, always feeling bad for him, understanding that if a rich kid like him is not going back home, there must be a reason, teaching him to drive, asking him his type, etc. And even in this last episode, he was comforting him at the hospital

Joke & Tattoo: Tattoo couldn’t care less about him at first, since he doesn’t like rich people and like, he doesn’t know him anyway. So he betrayed him twice, with barely any remorse, and if his mother had been on his side, he would have been gone with the necklace. But things didn’t go his way and Joke decided to forgive him TWICE, which led to Tattoo being thankful & remorseful. Since then, an emotional bond has been formed

Joke & Arun: well, they started as enemies (with the first group heist of the show), now they are in good terms. Not much going on between them but at the very least, Arun is now part of the 4 Little Pigs, so they are spending time together, getting drunk together & they did that heist together as well

Joke & Toi Ting : they don’t have that many scenes together, but I feel like they always give the big emotional speeches to Toi Ting to Joke (first in ep6 when she cried because she got bullied for being uneducated, and in ep10 twice after her dad left & when Joke was going to leave)

Joke & his father and brother : whether we like it or not, they clearly developed a story of love & forgiveness, etc (I don’t have much to say about this storyline as I don’t like it, but I understand that it’s a cultural thing, as most of the Thai bl I’ve watched did the same thing)

Even Boss & Nang had some interesting conversations with Joke in the show.

Now let’s look at Jack...well, I feel like everything is superficial

Jack & Save: who are they even to each other? They talked like 3 times, and it was nothing very noteworthy. He’s like this random lil bro that he’s close to, and we don’t know why, how or when they got close. So the betrayal feels a bit off, and the reveal was also underwhelming (to me at least)

Jack & Hope: once again, why the beef? No explanation. A few antagonistic interactions at the beginning, then nothing.

Jack & his grandma: we had some scenes, and of course they love and care about each other, but weirdly enough, their emotional bond feel weaker than the one she has with Joke...idk

Jack & Hoy & Tattoo: he was their debt collector, helping them because they couldn’t pay...and that’s it. He’s like the nice neighbourhood big bro. They like him, they respect him. But we don’t see much of it. They barely hang out with Jack. And when they do, Joke is always here. They are giving more Joke’s friends hanging out with Joke’s boyfriend tbh

Jack & Toi Ting: We know that she likes him, she was his eyes in the neighbourhood when he was working, I liked that scene with Jack, Toi Ting and her dad. But again very superficial. Like I said, the big emotional moments with Toi Ting are given to Joke and Jack is on the side so...

Jack & Arun: nothing to say I fear

Jack & Nang : does Jack even know that she exists? Oh yeah, she was at the table during his birthday dinner at Rosé's...does he know who she is?

Jack & Boss: probably one of his most developped relationship...and it’s an abusive one. Like I said in a previous post, Jack got emotionally manipulated by Boss during the 5 years he worked for him, and then ended up being verbally, physically and mentally abused by him, while being used as a pawn to Boss’s quest for power (after almost killing his grandma). All those scenes of Jack closing his fist while talking to Boss better not be for nothing

Jack & Rosé: Well, she liked him, he didn’t, he worked for her while being a potential spouse (forced by Boss). He ended up telling her that he didn’t like her but said they could remain friends...where was that friendship though. Nothing they shared was genuine though...so like idek (I wish there was an actual friendship formed between them actually but oh well)

Jack & his parents: Very surprised about the fact that he NEVER talks about them, ever. I actually thought that Oh (Jennie’s character) dying the same way as his parents would trigger him or something, but no. He thought about them briefly in ep4 (after Joke fixed his little bookshelf corner) but Grandma was the one bringing them up, saying that she misses them.

So...yeah. It’s disappointing really. I feel like there was so much more that could have been done with Jack’s character

And it also might be one of the reasons why it’s easier for the viewers to connect with Joke than with Jack

[tea-potato-gt]

G/t recommendations:

Midori Days (Midori no hibi) 2005

The plot: Midori is a shy girl who wants to build up the courage to tell Seiji how she feels. Seiji is a delinquent with a heart of gold who just wants a girlfriend. Fate has a funny way of bringing the two together when they wake up to (a shrunken) Midori becoming Seiji's right hand!

G/t: Midori does remember what it was like to be human so she gets so excited to see food on a larger scale.

Midori’s size change isn’t really emphasized or acknowledged very much. Since Midori is attached to Seiji’s arm, you don't get the classic picking the tiny up to gain her trust scenes. But I love when Seiji holds/comforts her with his left hand.

I had mentioned this story to @racheyace and decided to make a whole “why the G/t community should watch Midori Days” post lol.

This anime is one of my favorite anime romance stories of all time, G/t aside!

The Manga vs the Anime: There are 13 episode in the anime and 8 volumes of the manga (85 chapters). (I have the 1st and 3rd DVD and Vol. 1-5 of the manga.)

I love the anime, it's freaking hilarious and high energy! I watched it first and it got me interested in the manga. I'd definitely recommend the manga more! The manga introduces more characters and has a more developed and believable relationship between Midori and Seiji. Not only are the relationships with the two leads more fleshed out, but most of the side characters too! Everyone has depth and motivations and it feels like their all decisions have meaning!

The time frame in the anime is just a couple of months I think, while in the manga Seiji and Midori are together for about a year. They become so close that the heart break and pain is believable by the end. I cried like a baby at the end of the manga and I felt much more satisfied with how it ended. They are both great, but if I had to recommend one, it would definitely be the Manga.

Queer Rep: The manga has a bit of queer representation! One of the characters, Kouta Shingyoji (male), develops a crush on the male lead Seiji! And Midori and Seiji help two lesbians accept each other's feelings. To quote directly from the manga: "Love surpasses sexual boundaries," this is said while showing a picture of Kouta.

Warnings: The anime is rated “13 and older” and the manga is rated “T+ for older teens.” There is some violence, adult themes, a lot of cursing, suggestive scenes, questionable scenarios, and (some) nud!ty (all bare chest nud!ty, but not always s3xualized). But I am honestly impressed, this story could have EASILY been a h3nti, but's a pretty wholesome story of young love, just with a BIZARE twist.

Where to watch/read: You can read the manga on whatever app you use, I use “Manga Geek.” I’ve seen it on a lot of manga websites too! Or find the physical copies from 2004. (If anyone has Vol. 6-8 pls let me know! I have been looking for them! 👀)

You can watch the entire anime dubbed on Youtube here:

[bloomingundertheshadows]

Not particularly involved with 911 as a whole, and only tangentially keep up with the show nowadays (#don'tfollowmefor911content). However, I have kept up with the BuckTommy storyline and occasionally dip my toes into Buddie just for a little fun in my life.

And I would just like to make a comment about something that really bothered me about the breakup that I haven't seen discussed much. Full disclosure, I was not a huge fan of Tommy. I wasn't particularly impressed with LFJ's portrayal of the character, and I don't think the writer's put real effort into giving his character/the relationship depth. But.

I would just like to say - as someone who didn't start dating until well after college (as in, did not go on a date of any shape or form or have any sort of romantic relationship with another human being). If the first person I dated had broken up with me because they would be the "first and not the last," I would have lost. my. f*cking. shit. I would have beaten them to death with a spoon.

It is a plotline/excuse that really grinds my gears. I just hate it. And yes, it's because it hits on a very personal issue for me.

I understand as an adult that first romantic relationships are not always your soul mate. Particularly, first queer relationships - when one person is newly out - are also about self discovery. So, yes, I get why this isn't totally unreasonable.

But I fully reject this idea that a fully grown adult, who is having a first relationship, should be treated like they need a "messy phase" . At this point Buck, like many other adults, is a fully formed person. I didn't date because I simply didn't meet anyone. My feelings for another person aren't any less real just because it was the first time it happened. And I don't need to date 100 people to make my romantic feelings valid or to fully grasp what I want out of a partner.

I don't really think the writers meant it to be this serious. I think they just wanted Tommy off the show and realized they hadn't really given him enough personality to justify some sort of meaningful breakup. But it feels infantilizing to me - like "awe, little baby isn't ready to really love someone". It won't read this way to other people and that's fine. However, the whole thing just kind of had me rolling my eyes in frustration.

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Cabin development progress💙

Helloo guys and welcome new followers it's been a long while, now that spooky month is over here's how the game is coming along!

A very big thank you to the recent influx of interest around 2 weeks or so ago, I wasn't expecting much since I was busy/drawing for Noahween. :,,]

**I'm going to still be busy but in good news not as much as before. Game development posts might be every 1-2 weeks now depending on how things go! :,]

After I posted the previous game development I wasn't able to work on the game until recently and I wanted to give myself another week to re-adjust before saying anything.

Now that I'm getting settled in here's what I've been doing to the game:

Dialog adjustments:

I've been going through and gradually adjusting certain scenarios. I want to keep the foreboding flow with hints of comfort in between so I'm still adding a little more depth on how the player(Y/N) feels/reacts from being back in the cabin again and Noah's attempt at hospitality during this segment. I also cut down the dialog again by combining smaller sentences into one text box unless the situation calls for it to be separated. :]

More CG work in progress:

One quality of life change I really wanted to do back then was add a few CG's of Noah when you're back in the cabin again. Originally there was going to be one or two in the [Extended Demo] but they were scrapped because my art skills weren't where they are now and I still need to practice perspective, etc but enjoy these really really rough sketches, the second one is old but I'm trying to figure out how I want it to look and how I want the pose to be. :,,]

Choices that effects Noah's closeness with the player(Y/N):

Some of Noah's reactions to the player(Y/N)'s decisions give a neutral response versus a negative one that effects closeness are still being worked on. I'm going through everything but the process will need a lot of careful planning. Just have to make sure all the variables line up. :]

If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do on kofi! All donations and tips help tremendously while I continue to work on the game. Thank you to those that optionally bought the [Extended Demo] and the March 2023 demo on itch.io. :,]

Q&A / Ask box is open:

To know and understand Noah through Asks and random posts about lore, they'll be under #Get to know: Noah ! :]

**Some asks won't be answered if it contains spoilers but I do appreciate what I receive. :,,]

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I enjoy hearing from you guys!

Thank you to everyone for the continued support during this long game development absence! >:]

[bababerries]

Jack is a lot of things but tbh I don’t really get why people call him a stalker and I do take issue with insinuating he was abusive to Lacie in their relationship (when she was alive that is. His behavior towards her daughters, her best friend/doll and all the things she loved post her demise was extremely awful)

Jack’s behaviour towards Lacie is never normal or healthy and is definitely creepy. But I don’t see how he’s abusive or a stalker. If anything id say one of the issues in their relationship was Jack was too much of a pushover who had such little respect for himself that he never had the will to truly fight for a bond that they both cherished because he just couldn’t see anything beyond. I can’t help but feel like labeling him as abusive in this stage of their relationship a bit cruel towards him and unsympathetic. And I love Lacie to the moon and back but I’ll be honest I do think she was abusive to Jack in this relationship. (I am in no way trying to demonize her for this that’s my babygirl and she’s been through a lot. But I think Jack’s feelings also matter here)

I don't think we talk a lot about how Lacie sexually assaulted Jack (COCSA) in their first interaction with one another. And then later goes onto encourage him to do sex work. And Jack listens.She purposely choose to talk to him as he was someone in a vulnerable position. (Homeless and abused) so that she could play with him. She gives him her earing and tells him to come and find her Do I think Lacie was serious when she was saying this? No. I don't think Lacie genuinely made plans to see Jack again. She was just simply fouling around. This encounter meant very different things for both of them. And for Jack it flipped his whole world on his head. He was shown love for the first time in his life and was encouraged to chase after it by that person so he did. While the efforts he goes to get her is concerning I feel like calling this stalker behavior gives a much different impression and also feels a bit unempathetic to me? And is also just incorrect. Jack spends 7 years trying to find Lacie under the impression that she to wanted this shown physically with the earring. Not 7 years watching her from afar. I think it's also worth noting Jack processed Lacie's love as maternal to an extent. She did things for him a mother should do for a child (give him food, cut his hair, give him life advice and orders, protect him from bad guys, hugs) I don't wanna go super in depth bc i'd love to make a whole analysis on Jack's feelings for Lacie but Lacie even makes this comparison herself

(And once again I wanna preface with I don't think Lacie owes Jack motherhood. In fact i'm very uncomfortable with viewing motherhood in a positive lens in regards to Lacie's arc as it felt like it was always something forced upon her to further abuse and mystify her. )

And the second time. Lacie once again is the one to ask Jack to see her again. (This time however out of genuine desire.) She makes the first move and suggest this of him

I think it's fair to say Jack would probably want to try to see her again after this as an alternative response to "What are you going to do now Jack?" But I feel like it's a bit up in the air/up to interpretation. Of course I 100% think he wants to see Lacie. But he to is scared of overstepping boundaries to an extent that damages their relationship. He doesn't answer his question to her saying "I want to see you again" "I'm going to see you again" "Can I see you again" It's "I don't know." Which I think you can also take as now that Jack has completed the only life goal he's made for himself he doesn't know what to do with himself. He could be hiding his want and desires to surprise her and see her but he has no reason to do that here. Levi also giving him the paper in this scene suggests Jack lacks the knowledge to come back on his own. Point is Lacie made the first move here and asked him to come back once again she's the one pushing things.

Lacie has power over Jack. She's the on with power over him because he was vulnerable towards her. I don't mean to demonize Lacie with this post and perhaps I focused too much of her flaws in the relationship but the main point I wanna make is I do feel like people are too hard on Jack in regards to how he acted in their relationship when she was alive. Unfairly antagonizing him when he's the bigger victim in this relationship.

[josefavomjaaga]

Napoleonic daily soap, episode 5: 12 Vendémiaire

Scene: The Tuileries. Evening, torch lights. People running to and fro, soldiers gathering in the courtyard, scared members of the Convention barricading themselves.

Cut to Barras’ improvised war room. A table with a map of Paris. Barras walks up and down behind it, talking to some generals gathered in front of him, among them Brune and Napoleon.

Barras:

„I do not need to tell you, gentlemen, that the situation is dire. I mean, we’re having a real crisis here, with people wanting to kill us. Again. Royalists this time. And as I do not know the first thing about military stuff, I have called for you, so that you can take care…“

Napoleon [cuts him off]:

„Why, of course you would have. And it’s a good thing you did. [walks briskly up to the table and leans over the map, the other generals follow suite, completely ignoring Barras] So, let’s see. The obvious keypoints we have to protect are [points at the map] here, here and here.“

Brune [annoyed]:

„Possibly. But what makes you think you are giving the orders here? Don’t you think you should ask our opinion first?“

Napoleon [astonished]:

„Why? I mean, is there something I overlooked, do you not agree with me?“

Brune:

„No, you’re quite right, it’s just that…“

Napoleon:

„Well, excellent. Listen, Brune, you take a couple of men and position yourself here. The other gentlemen occupy the rest of the positions I have pointed out. [turns around to Barras] And as I am the only artilleryman here, I’ll take care of the canons. We’ll position them right at the entrance of the Tuileries, in order to give those insurgents a proper welcome.“

Barras [awkwardly]

„Well, about those canons… that might be a problem.“

Napoleon:

„What problem?“

Barras:

„We don’t have any.“

Napoleon:

„No canon? But I’m an artillery general. Why did you even call for me then?“

Barras:

„Well, I thought…“

Napoleon [annoyed]:

„I really do not like it when people waste my time. Or when an employer does not even provide the proper tools for the job. I am not used to bringing my own stuff to work, that’s highly annoying. But I can see that you are in deep shit indeed, so I will let it go. Where’s the next artillery depot?“

Barras:

„There are some canons in Sablons, I am told. But I’m afraid the royalists know that, too. They’re probably already on their way to get them. And as they do outnumber us, I doubt you will find somebody dumb… I mean: courageous enough to try and get those canons to Paris before them.“

CUT to new scene: Tuileries courtyard. Darkness, a fire burning. Several cavalrymen holding in the saddle, happily chatting with each other and with some foot soldiers nearby.

Murat [on a horse, proudly tugging at his pelisse, to a soldier]

„So, how do you like it?“

Soldier:

„I do not think it’s in accordance with army regulations for cavalry uniforms.“

Murat [grinning]

Of course it’s not. It has style, unlike our army regulations. Plus, it’s my favourite colour. You have to see it in daylight.

Another cavalryman:

„I have. It’s an eyesore.“

Murat:

„Correction. It would be an eyesore on you. On me, it’s the most fetching piece of clothing one can imagine, and I dare say the ladies will pay much attention to it.“

[Napoleon’s voice from off-screen]

„Hey, you there. On the horse!“

Soldier:

„I think he means you, Murat.“

Murat:

„Impossible. If he meant me, he would have said: Hey, you there, that most handsome and dashing one on the horse! [turns around, beams at Napoleon] What can I do for you, mon général?“

Napoleon [stops to regard him]:

„I do not think your uniform is quite in accordance with army regulations.“

Murat:

„That’s quite possible, sir. We’re cavalry.“

Napoleon:

„Whatever. I have an errand for you. Do you know where Sablons is? I need somebody to go there and pick up some canon for me.“

Murat:

„Sounds easy enough. Where’s the catch?“

Napoleon:

„You have to be back before daylight, and there’s a royalist mob on the way likely to attack you. Do you think you can do it?“

Murat [sits tall in the saddle, with dramatic flourish]:

„How can you even ask me that, general? Do not doubt me, I am Joachim Murat! Here we are, I and my men, to your service, ready to give our blood for the fatherland and its republic, ready to bring those canons here before rose-fingerend Eos awakens the day, or to die trying! Let all impertinent royalists of France stand in my way, let an army of ten thousand waylay us, it will not keep me from doing my sacred duty!“

Napoleon [stares at him open-mouthed, but without a word, as realization sets in]

„You are Gascon.“

Murat [beams, proudly]

„I sure am. [the smile vanishes, he leans down from his horse to Napoleon, in a serious tone] But I will still get you those canons, sir.“

Napoleon [nods]

„Be quick.“