#i feel very much not like myself and idk (major negative) i feel like nothing i create is good?? anymore????

[radiojamming]

:(

[fr-wiwiw]

I have no art to post— actually I do. It's my studies and sketches, sfw & nsfw, things like that. But I haven't been deliberately drawing something. Mainly I've just been focusing on sharpening my art skills to gain commissions as I'm a freelance human artist, in the midst of AI chaos, I'm trying my very best to keep up while not draining myself.

So I just want to give you some updates of my life, idk if this is important or not. I'm still a bit constipatedly (is this even a fucking word lol) awkward with communicating with my followers or advertising myself. Ironic, really, bcs I majored in design & advertisement.

Hi there, my lovelies—I hope you don't mind me calling you all that. I've been trying to do healthy habits and diligently fulfill my needs in 3 aspects. Mentally, spiritually and physically. For the past 7± years, I was not really in a great place mentally. I will not expose it in this post, don't worry it doesn't have anything to do with drugs or whatnot. Just that I've been constantly working and working, controlled by fear and my anxieties and I got depressed I think.

I didn't really understand how to actually 'heal' back then. But now I do now. Starting from January I've been trying to bounce back to have a healthy mindset again— trust me when I say I'm an overthinker & problem solver, it's such a nightmare to live in this body sometimes. Fellow overthinker, problem-solver & feeler type will relate to this perhaps hahah.. I'm a turbulence type too, fucking yay. Luckily, my prayers are answered. I can't write it down one by one here, you would be reading a 10k+ fanfiction and I'm sure you'd rather have me draw or write a real fanfic, smut would be preferable won't it? lol

I have many things change, become my better self (bcs I was, still am obsessed becoming better than my past self and I'm tired of living in such dark headspace). I do feel the changes, it helps that I have better friends, filtered out some that affects me negatively. This journey going into my 30s really is such a roller coaster, I never liked my 20s bcs of all the trauma and pain. But I wouldn't be able to reach this point if it wasn't for it.

So.. I'm grateful. Trying to always be grateful too, no matter how hard my circumstances are. I have faith that I will get what I've always envisioned and dream of

I'm also grateful that in 2022, a friend encouraged me to post my Gahan fanart. Now this may seem like biased and dedicated post for my Gahan moots & followers, in some way yes, I cannot deny that. But mostly this is too all of you, who come here and follow me bcs you like my arts & fanfics, supports me however you can despite having our own hardships that we may or may not share here. Your responses to my creations really feeds me and help me boost my confidence to keep drawing & keep creating, keep hoping. I always read your hashtags here, a lot of you are really such a hilarious individuals. I'm grateful my art can find you or you find my art and take delight in it. Because I do take delight in your reactions. In some ways, I never realized it, but you guys feel like penpals. It still feel one-way communication most of the time, idk if it's because of my awkwardness to respond to such responses. Feeling like, ah this too will pass or just bask in the reactions and sit then do nothing productive. I'm kinda scared I will be satisfied with one post and then not post anymore. You get it.. Yea you can probably tell by now I'm up in my head thinking too much. Posting that first Gahan fanart on twitter really was the best decision. It feels like I gained a special community, that's surprisingly still active and alive till this very day, I'm always waiting for new fics to drop gosh. I get to see tweets & tumblr posts that are deranged, detailed analysis, fan edits, those gifs, aus, fellow artists & authors! I get to know little bits of your daily lives too and what kind of person you are online haha, just so fun.

And then my freelancing journey.. My decision to become a freelancer has always been one of my dreams but boy oh boy isn't it fucking hard to start from 0 and exist in confusion haha. Money doesn't come easy too bcs I help feed my family along with my siblings. I've been swallowing all my jealousy seeing ppl my age can go out and watch concerts (even tho I don't like crowded & noisy places like that). Going on vacation, be in a romantic relationship, marry, so on and so forth. Idk if this is tmi posting my feelings like this out in the world, but it is what it is.

So.. TLDR:

Hi, I'm alive. I haven't post or updated much bcs I've been focusing on my well being. Honing my art skills, trying to get art commissions to put food on my table and simultaneously enjoying life as much as I could wisely. Thankyou to all of you who are still following me and keep supporting me, I will have to say, If you follow me for only Gahan posts, I have to disappoint you bcs I won't always post Gahan bcs I draw other things too. For my enjoyment, yours, others and mostly for me to gain market for commission too. This is norm, I'm sure most of you realized that too. But I still want to address things to you, I like interacting with all of you. I won't be surprised if one day you leave/unfollow, but let me be grateful to you while you're still here supporting me ^^

That's all for my update. I try my best to make this post as short but effective as possible so I don't bore you with my long ass writing, per usual lol. I cannot seem to write in shorts, I have accepted my faith lmao.

I wish you all well, wherever you are. I hope we can all be happy and well in this dark and uncertain place. Don't hesitate to give comments or drop questions here, I'm cooking my skills and art taste so I can give more to you and be satisfied with what I will achieve along with the progress.

See you in the next post!🌟

[novy2sirius]

thank you for replying and i love your blog btw!

it seems being nice doesnt get us far anymore yet we are taught things like manners and politeness or doing nice acts does get us fsr but it just means ppl can be meaner in response but those also dont seem to matter once people log in online all hell seems to break loose even if that sounds dramatic af. idk i think the issue is that when we r bored we have to look for sometning else to read or watch bc theres nothing physical abt whats online we r just oggling at what others are saying or doing online and reacting or overreacting to it. when none of it should matter in the long run but we overuse these devices as though they no longer have an off button as tho people couldnt just put them down long enough to have a normal thought, reaction or feeling without the internet deciding it for them.

so with every other hobby or interest now having a toxic side of the internet attached to it doesnt help anything either cause these devices seem to have given reasons for people to hold too much opinions of things that are quite irrelevant really

some say its bc theres no consequences anymore and that is very true but also maybe bc there isnt a break or an in etween rest period from the internet. screens are everywhere even if u go outside theres screens selling u stuff u dont want nor need or others are always on their phones and so on. i just dont get it anymore we cant put these down but we cant keep away from the sites or platforms so we cant truly be happy without having to consume something to do with social media and its driving me nuts if we dont have a social group of our own (for personal reasons or past situations ), honestly i want the internet gone but so much nowadays is relied on an internet system and its like ppl are so pessimistic and gloomy online and take it out on others or what have u

for instance u could in the good ole days put away the newspaper, put down the ipod or flipphone whenever u didnt need to use it 24/7 or couldnt bc it was harder to write paragraphs on those small devices, now its like we are constantly flooded with distractions and general negativity or junk entertainment that we dont want to be consuming and we need to always keep in touch with someone. its also like all the basic gadgets have become littered with features most often including the internet like we arent escaping it we are consuming it... over and over again in different forms

(i lowkey wouldve loved a longer pre internet era) really wouldve done better without this nonsense of having to be online and communicate online to stay up to date on things i dont even care about in the first place. sorry for rambling thanks again in advance for replying and i agree with your reply too.

i will be honest the only reason i’m kind to rude ppl isn’t bc i feel sad for them cuz ik it’s projection majority of the time but it’s bc i believe in karma. i just don’t want to create any negative karma for myself so i kill ppl with kindness

i agree w what u said abt the internet also. there hasn’t been a break so ppl haven’t experienced a reality without social media and need to touch grass sometimes 😭

thank u btw! i appreciate it 🩵

[daisysdigitaldiary]

entry 1

October 31st, 2024, Halloween night

I for sure thought I was going to get invited to go out with my friends. I have been so nice to them. I'm always there when they need it: homework help, using my streaming services, even giving advice, and listening to rants! I also celebrated my birthday with them! I bought them drinks when I turned 21!

I showed them my costume. They knew I was excited.

Why didn't I come to mind when it was time to go out? Why am I only thought of when you all need something??? I can't believe I ignored this. I thought that things were going well. The worst part is that this is multiple groups of friends.

I wonder if I misread something along the way. Was I too pushy? Did they not actually like me? Was I being too naive? Why do I keep ending up in this situation?

Why am I never someone's first thought when it's time for fun things? I'd only thought of them when they needed something

I am getting major FOMO, unfortunately. I keep seeing posts of people, and it's making me a little sick. I think I'm going to delete social media. Not on some emo shit. More so, to protect my heart (and sanity el oh el)

I really want to make fitness content, though. I think I'll just stay logged in on those accounts. I don't follow anyone on there anyway, so I can do this.

Also, social media is the only way those people know how to contact me. If they have my number, I'll answer them. But I won't be as attached bc I can't see their profile of what they're doing. My thoughts will strictly be based on what they say to me. This will help me be less of a doormat for people.

I posted on my private story for the 10 friends I talk to now. I took a picture of myself crying in the parking garage, saying, "I lost count of how many times I've cried in the parking lot."

That isn't an exaggeration, either. I cry in that parking lot at least a few times a month. Nothing beats a good breakdown in the car with the sad songs blaring!

In all seriousness, I do that to release negative emotions before I start driving. If I were to start crying while driving, Idk if I'd make it home without injuring myself or others. When I cry, I sob. It's therapeutic to release that built-up energy. I'm also just a crybaby to cry at happy things, things that piss me off, things that make me nervous, things that make me laugh, beautiful things, things that frustrate me, and especially things that enrage me.

Anyway, it was very ironic that the very people who made me cry were the ones to ask what was wrong—you're what's wrong.

I will lie to them about how I feel for the first time. I thought we were close friends, so I'd spill my guts. Not in a trauma-dumping way, but id asks them for advice on some serious shit.

I went to them when I needed help because that's what friends do. They do that for me, too. Always come to me for help. Never a fucking invite, though.

I just want to be thought of first for once in my life. My family does, but they love me because we are family. They didn't have to get to know me before caring about me. They've always cared. I love them so much.

I love them enough to stay. I can't break their hearts just because mine is breaking. They will always help me through the heartaches, so I will never leave them or my dogs. I miss them. Maybe I'll go home this weekend.

After all, they're the only ones who'd notice I was gone. Unless it's exam season.

They can kiss my ass.

Sincerely,

daisy

[tnerb90]

Like the legend of the Phoenix...

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...

Yes, it’s true. It’s been almost 2 years since my last post and here we go again. It feels like Into the Spiderverse. Let’s start from the beginning one more time....I wanted to create a new profile and start fresh, acting like none of the previous failures happened. I’m still tempted to, even as I write. 

But here we go again. I read through each and every post again, looking for patterns. Looking for strengths. Looking for lessons basically. So what happened? A fuckton of different factors, I’m sure. Underlying stress was a big one. I didn’t really acknowledge it much in past posts because I didn’t realize how drastic it was until I started my current job, outside of counseling. Since 2019 when I started...global pandemic. Fired from CHILL. Took 2 jobs that I flamed out on, including a DOH investigation and dealt with that for several months. More?... All the change at PV... Jessie leaving. Jone being fired. Peggy leaving. Desiree taking over as my boss.... also promotion to PHP Manager... burning the fuck out. Changing buildings.... A lot of stress. Looking back, it’s such a relief that I’m not there anymore. I quit PV in April 2022, so it’s been nearly a year now. Working at Conquest now obviously. From early on, I could tell this was a much better fit for me, and it continues to be. Especially stress-wise.... 

But the stress stuff was just underlying it all. Looking at my habits themselves, I can see a lot of areas for improvement... namely, the fad diet thing. I mean, I said it from day 1 that I’ve tried them all and nothing’s worked. So of course, I continue the same method again and failed again. Sure, I lost weight each time. But how sustainable was it? Obviously not very. Because I never once got below 300. Idk if that’s a mental barrier or what. But it sucks. I was doing so well. Got to 300 then gained it back + more. Then got to 302 or whatever...of course, I gained it back+more. Again. A -fuckin-gain.... Looking back, even though it felt like I was onto something (again, losing weight wasn’t the issue, I was doing it). But the method was unsustainable. Panicking over whether beans are too high carb. Sugar free italian ice...corn... chili...apples and honey on rosh hashana. Like come on man. You were doing great! Why was I so worked up about being perfect. It was such an unhealthy all-or-nothing mindset. I felt that if I wasn’t perfect, it was a failure. So one slip easily leads to “fuck it” I can’t do it! Or fuck it! Today’s ruined anyway, might as well start fresh tomorrow. Or monday. Or.... next year. Idk.

Ok, stress. Trying the same old methods/mindset. What else? I’m sure I started smoking again right after the last post. It was late July, early Aug when I got my card. So I’m sure that + the “promotion” and the shitshow that followed did it for me. 

What else?

I’m burying the lede here. The biggest thing I’ve learned so far this time, is I need help... I always do this shit alone. Because I’m afraid to be a burden on others. Or afraid that if I’m accountable to someone I can’t quit and ghost on myself. 

Okay. So those were the major lessons taken from a negative side. Now the positives.... in one of the previous posts, I had the eureka moment that should have always been obvious, but I guess I was in denial or something. I have a fucking eating disorder. BED? Sure. Regardless of the diagnosis, I overeat. Not just overeat. I eat to soothe myself. I eat as a coping mechanism. I can’t believe it wasn’t as obvious my whole life. Like wow. I was stressed AF. I ate. Then I was at peace on the couch. What a fucking concept. Really hard puzzle to figure out. 

(Sidebar- another negative I forgot to mention. I was so harsh on myself. I beat myself up for every little detail, mistake, craving, etc. so maybe I’ll trying being easier on myself, not bees a sarcastic ass like in the previous paragraph.)

Ok. Strengths. I understand now that I was using food to cope. It’s a huge development for me. Like Rogers said, now that I accept it, I can change it. Another thing positive, is I was journaling! I had an outlet! That was awesome. And apparently it’s still beneficial for me to look back on and learn from myself. My mindset. etc.  

So overall, I couldn’t handle my stress. I was using food to cope with that stress. I was being perfectionistic, all-or-nothing about it. I was being harsh on myself. Another thing I forgot to mention was how concerned I was at times with what others may have thought. So again, doing it alone. Hiding it from others. Ironically, I think I did that in order to feel like I wasn’t doing it “for them”. If I do it alone without telling anyone, I’m obviously doing it for myself right? Nah. I need support. Help. Accountability. All of it. And on my own, what did I do? Intermittent fasting. Keto. IF again...counting cals... keto again... Through these past few years, I was also so paralyzed by fear. I didn’t know what to do. I kept failing. I didn’t know what to do that would work... it was really scary for a while. I felt I needed bariatric surgery. I saw no hope otherwise. And the price was of course out of reach.... 

And here we are. March 1, 2023. Another do-over. But what else can I do? Stop trying? Give up? No. Like the legend of the phoenix, all ends with beginnings. So again, I rise and try again. Fall down 7 get up 8. To be continued in my next post above.

[tenderlyrenjun]

that's not true though I don't know why there's someone (because I do believe it's probably the same person over and over again through anon) sending you hate but I've told you before I did enjoy your fics and me myself am very picky, and I've seen a few people saying they like your fics too (a bit rude btw) and I think you should just post your things and keep anon off so no one can disturb you. I do wanna read Renjun, it's not true no one wants to do it that's bullshit. You could get more interactions with the appropriate tags, I can help you out with that, but you need to be patient. Anyway just don't give them what they want why would you? Post it bc you like it and the moment when you stop letting people bring you down with their nonsense everything will be better!

idk, I just struggle a lot with, like, idk, confidence and stuff, so this is on me, I know that, but it’s, idk, really disheartening and I feel extremely unmotivated whenever I post anything because it’s met with more contempt than anything else, which isn’t to say that I deserve compliments and stuff (I clearly don’t) or to say that people owe me something for posting a bad fic, but, idk, I don’t know, I just feel really disheartened to know that the things I work on … suck, for lack of a better word, and it’s not like I don’t try to improve; I do - I try not to tell as much because people pointed out that I do this too much; I try not to rely on thought a lot because people didn’t like it; I try to basically not give the reader a personality so that they’re more relatable because people have said that the reader is too whitewashed wattpad-y, but it’s like nothing I do is enough, which, again, is my fault; I just need to do better, but idk; there’s nothing for it … idk, idk. And like, I know that I have to be patient; but it’s like … literally, one comment days after the fic is posted; maybe three more in the next five months; and then, if I’m really, really lucky I’ll get 10 comments on a fic in literally a year … idk, I know it’s a problem; I shouldn’t care this much; it’s literally stupid and idk, a lot of my asks are reminders that it’s stupid and I shouldn’t care about external validation

I’m sorry if I missed your feedback for a fic; it’s mostly empty blogs in my notifications, if not anons and I really don’t have the mental capacity or time to scroll through everything. I’m literally at uni from 8am to 5pm almost every day, if not later, and then I work from 10p to 7am fridays to tuesdays if I’m not called in for another day (I’m at work right now ha … sorry). And I know that I’m really negative; I just … I know this is an excuse but I can’t help it; I have major anxiety and I overthink a lot and it causes me to spiral and yeah, it’s just intrusive thoughts forcing me to remember how much people hate whatever I do more than anything else; sorry

[shades4dogs]

i left a comment on the vid itself so i'll just paste it here haha. basically it's just got the most egregious provable example of terrible research i've ever seen in any of his vids

hi, been subscribed to the channel for a couple years, and genuine question: is he getting bored of making these or something? the research here even for things i know literally nothing about going in is so overtly bad. the meaning of 108 can be gotten by googling "significance of 108". the pronunciation of "shiranai" can be gotten via google translate, disregarding the fact that it's a pretty commonly-used japanese word. aside from the "bit" of mispronouncing foreign languages, to me it just comes off as poor research when people can't be arsed to look up how to pronounce a word or two. takes less than a minute. and it really takes absolute minimal research to know that garn47 is a shitpost game (i googled "what is garn47"). i hadn't even heard of it 'til i watched this video because i don't touch fnf with a 10 foot pole but literally, less than 2 minutes of research to understand the cat is called car and the voice is you calling to it (i googled "garn47 cat"), and the room with the pictures is a fanart room. he even calls the cat Car later in the vid, so why he misunderstood the voice line is weird to me and just indicates he really isn't putting much thought into this. the "evil shadow the hedgehog" (??? it's obviously not shadow?) is a modern creepypasta character called 2017 X or "X". (i googled "garn47 sonic"). from 10 seconds briefly skimming his wiki page, i now know he isn't even in the game anymore as of last month. so oddheader is also just including outdated info and footage without any clarification. granted, he could have created this video before that happened, but with everything else it just adds to the negative impression. i'm baffled how he even got some of this footage, e.g. the "soretro" song from fnf, without learning that the "some sort of glitchy mario" is called Soretro? the lack of information given and actively bad/false info almost comes off as intentional. not saying he had to list every single character's name out, just saying that he's obviously leaving out basic info about the contents of the game, like the fact that these characters are memes, or any information about their origins when there is plenty out there -- and it pretty crucially isn't remotely "unsolved" (or creepy, but whatever). EDIT: also just from googling garn47 i found its itch.io page, aka its official release, so literally the first thing he says about the game is misinfo! multiple fans of this media are in the comments correcting this video and commenting on how poor the info given is. when unearthing/exposing this info is the objective of your entire channel, i can see why some are complaining. with all that about something i CAN research very easily, it makes me wonder what flaws there are in information i can't research so well. such as non-english games, or ones i don't feel compelled to research myself. i understand part of these videos' purpose is to entice the audience to research further themselves, but when oddheader misconstrues basic information about the content he's trying to platform it just comes off as really lazy and uncaring tbh. and i barely count what i just did as research whatsoever. i like that you can get extra context for the games oddheader talks about in the comments, but when a majority of it is just clarifying basic information about the game... something's up with that man, idk. and i'm definitely not expecting any followup to clarify info he missed, as great as that'd be in general. i'm still subbed atm, but i'm genuinely considering unsubbing if the quality of his research keeps decreasing like this... if anyone read this, thanks xD just needed to put my thoughts out in text. btw, i focussed on garn47 here because it's the most egregious example of poor info i've seen from the channel in recent memory. just my opinion and perspective on all this! thanks again

oddheader's most recent vid is so bad dude

[literaphobe]

a lot of mcc'c audience (but not the majority) doesnt agree that the enjoyment of the event comes from watching passionate competitive players do well and win. If I decide to watch someones vod and the first thing they say is "we didnt practice at all LOL" then I dont want to watch because it seems like they dont care about the event. Illumina is an incredible player but I once watched sot from his perspective and holy shit it was so boring mainly because everyone in the team was so quiet, almost no comunication, no strategy nothing no chemistry, like, I'm sure they were having fun and wanted to team but there was zero excitment.

The problem is that the few people who are competitive/practice and strategize, win a lot (dream and sapnap are the best two examples, purpled might be up there soon) but everyone else (and their audiences) cries about it saying "oh the same people win everytime, its boring!!" but like, if your streamer cared and practiced and got better, they would win, simple as that.

So, imo, mcc tries to please the annoying crybabies by adding non-competitive people on the event-> less likely to have cool interesting moments-> less likely to care about mcc gameplay/skill-> even when they win, its boring

Just to clarify, you're allowed to not like competitiveness, Im not very competitive myself, but if, as a player you say "I'm here to have fun and if I win then cool", you have no right to cry about other teams doing well. If I have the skills that sapnap has, I'll be happier winning against fruitberries than winning against grian (GRIAN IS FINE, I'M just saying skillwise he is not an s-tier, and he doesnt have to be). I'd much rather lose to tryhards than win an event where I was the only one who tried.

To me it comes down to passion and genuine interest in minecraft skill, if mcc adds less cracked players, it shouldnt be a championship- it should just be an event.

Also, there are issues with team creation, there sooo many cool ideas and then scott comes up with a random reason as to why some people cannot team and honestly its frustrating, I'd rather you please your audience by giving them a team/duo that they ask for than banning memorising the builds at buildmart, you know? Some rules are kinda dumb.

Tldr, people who claim they play just for fun(and their viewers) show negativity to people who play competitively when those people win, and that is just annoying

honestly. like… the truth is. mcc has become much more competitive. the unfortunate thing is that some people don’t wanna admit it? to the point where there are people who don’t try and then get upset when they don’t win. like. its a different case for players who are put there specifically to nerf and get fucked bc of underpowered teams, tina’s a good example. as much as i wish she wouldn’t sit out mccs on purpose, i completely get where she’s coming from. it feels hella embarrassing to fall so far behind, to feel like a heavy weight dragging your team down. and tina deserves better than that!!

also yeah… i mean to be honest. sapnap doesn’t even practice for mcc, he’s just good. dream is a mix between doesn’t practice vs practices heavily and strategizes actively with teammates. but yeah. team balancing just needs to be fair? op teams are a fun interesting idea and honestly i hope theres an op mcc one day just to see crazy team ups but honestly i think i just miss seeing him play maybe i dont care about anything else idk

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch? 

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

[writing-in-april]

Origins

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: Reader feels homesick after a particularly gruesome case. Spencer can’t buy a plane ticket, but he can try to help recreate part of home with them.

A/N: hey heyyyy- this is my eighth fic for my 30 fics in 30 days for April- I’m very nervous for this one to be honest- idk if it’s going to be a lot of peoples cup of tea- this one had me researching a lot lol since I have no clue about boats at all lol- I hope I did the request at least a bit of justice (sorry in advance if I fuck up any terms or anything) but I think I did pretty well with my research (I think). I originally got the request from @imagining-in-the-margins when she handed it over to me also thanks for some help on the folklore parts too! Here it is-

I always want to hear from you guys so feel free to drop me an ask here- and hopefully y’all enjoy!!

Warnings: ~disclaimer lol I know nothing about boating~ Anyway into the other warnings- Takes place directly after season 3 episode 8 (Lucky with Floyd Feylinn) Spencer gets really fucking sea sick- poor baby, Reader is from overseas (originally Cornwall in the request but I made it a bit more vague) and Reader’s father is a fisherman

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.8k

The air that floated around whenever I was out on the water, salty sea water or fresh salt water always seemed to breath life back into my lungs. The river that we were boating on was quite salty near its widest point, tides brought the saltwater in to mix with the fresh making the water quite brackish.

I was lucky to still live somewhat near water after I had moved over to America. I hadn’t had the luxury of picking exactly where I was going to live and work when I transferred to the FBI, I just happened to draw all the right cards. With my schedule I didn’t go out on the water as much as I used to, definitely not as often as I had as a child. I yearned often to feel the specific type of air people only felt when on the water, especially when my job got particularly gruesome.

Gruesome was a way to define the last case my team and I had been brought in to investigate. My stomach churned at the thought of our last unsub, his name couldn’t leave my mind and the images of his heinous acts certainly didn’t leave either. Floyd Feylinn Ferell had been his name, though I wished I could forever scrub it from my memory. His crimes were too vile that everything seemed to trigger a memory, specifically of the frozen corpses.

The team had even noticed how affected I was by the case, often sending me worrying looks whenever it looked like blood drained from my face over sheer shock- just like the corpses. Cases had been gruesome before, sure, but there was something about this one made me feel frozen by fear.

I needed air, and not just any old air.

Homesickness was another factor that was making me feel so ill. I hadn’t been back to my home in so long, the only time I spoke with my father was over the phone, no video chats at all. He was just as technophobic as Spencer, maybe even more so to be honest. My father’s life as a fisherman hadn’t made him exceptionally tech savvy. He did know how to work a phone now thanks to you, which was another similarity to him and Spencer. I had helped Spencer learn how to work his new smartphone just last week.

Spencer, my lovely boyfriend of a few months, wanted to help quell my dark thoughts as best as he could with all of his knowledge. His first solution was to always revert to books, which I didn’t mind, it only made him more special to me. He tried to find books that would remind me of home- and get my mind off of gruesome cases that were closed and shut cases.

Hotch had then suggested the team take a day off, just one. After weeks of back to back cases with little to no reprieve we’d finally get some time alone, even if it was only for a day. All I needed was one day to get on the water and cleanse myself of the negative thoughts I had been feeling lately.

It was actually Spencer that had first suggested this excursion. He had come to one of our dates with his arms full of pamphlets all about renting a boat for the day. He also had definitely read up about boats, I’d expect nothing less of Spencer. I had learned it was his way of subtly showing affection, researching anything that I even was passively interested in.

Spencer packed even more than I did when we set off on the day long date, packing to the brim at least one too many bags- to be honest he packed two too many bags.

Once we had gotten the boat out into the water, the relief was almost instant. It was like my body knew I was home. I wasn’t actually at home of course, but it somehow knew I was near the water again. Honestly, Spencer hadn’t been far off when he called me a mermaid on one of our first dates, I had gone on a ramble about my love for it.

The water wasn’t nearly as clear as where I had grown up, much more dull in my opinion. But, the breeze that danced across my skin as well as the water made me feel more at home then I had been in a long time. After letting the mist spray onto my cheeks for a while I looked over to check on Spencer, who was not doing well by the looks of it.

Spencer’s face was twisted up in a grimace, not used to being in a boat. Until I had asked him a few weeks ago, to make sure it would be safe to go out on the water with him, I hadn’t even been sure he could swim. I also wasn’t that surprised that he had this reaction, it would have been less of a problem if it was a boat that I had picked out and bought. But, I’d take what I’d get if only to be by the water.

He pretended to hide his urge to dry heave over the side of the small boat that I had rented for the weekend. He looked almost green at this point, I knew he was only staying for my benefit at this point making me a tad bit sad. Water definitely seemed to have the opposite effect on Spencer compared to me, being on the water always felt like instant relaxation to me.

I still, however, didn’t want him to feel any major discomfort like he was obviously feeling so I decided to pipe up since he wouldn’t tell me himself, “Are you sure you’re ok enough to stay, Spencer?”

He pulled his life vest around himself as tight as he could while crossing his arms around his stomach. It took him a second to answer and in that time I almost started to turn the boat around back to the bay.

“I’m fine!” He squeaked out and I could see a shiver run through him. If I had offered to turn the boat around he’d most definitely have given me a glare, not wanting me to turn it around for his own sake. I squinted my eyes in suspicion, he was not completely fine obviously, but if he was insistent on staying maybe I could find something to distract him from it.

“Do you want to hear a sea shanty or do you want me to tell a regular story?” I asked out into the wind, thinking that might distract him from his nausea.

“A story, but you can’t call them regular stories.” He teased back as well as he could with the urge to dry heave, as if he didn’t know what I had meant. I scooted a little closer to him before I prepared myself to tell my story.

Selkies were always the ones I started out with whenever I told the stories I had grown up with. Despite its dark undertones I had latched onto the story as a child, finding it similar to the mainstream perception of what mermaids were. Though I’m reality seals that could transform into humans were a far cry from mainstream ideas of mermaids, a Merrow would have been a better comparison.

I always gave Spencer the origins of the story, he liked to know exactly where they had come from and how I had heard about the story in the first place, “As you know by now the folklore about Selkie’s originates from Scotland. Well- let me think about what I haven’t told you about Selkies before…” I pondered for a moment before remembering an aspect of the Selkies powers I hadn’t educated Spencer on yet. There was no doubt in my mind that he probably had all this information stored away in his brain somewhere, it was nice to know that someone genuinely cared about the stories I liked to tell. “Selkies are immortal, but they can be killed by other creatures. And I know I’ve told you that part, but I haven’t told you that they are generally killed by sharks when they are in seal form.”

I then went into the whole lore surrounding Selkie’s immortality. My hands were waving around animatedly as I talked, just like how the small waves were rocking our boat. They had definitely calmed down by now, hopefully Spencer would feel better soon.

Once I finished my tale I beamed over at him, my mood had brightened significantly over this trip, even though I could sense that Spencer’s had not. Though the story might have helped, he seemed a little less sickly now. He then managed to ask again without puking, “Could you tell another story? Maybe about the Kelpies? Or the Pixies of Cornwall? You can pick anything though really, I love listening to your stories.”

My heart swelled enough from his words that I thought it might burst. I wouldn’t have expected anything less of Spencer, he always hunted for more knowledge about things he was maybe more ignorant about compared to other topics.

I opted to then tell him about the Kelpies, who were also water dwelling creatures, before moving onto the pixies. He even seemed to be getting attached to the same stories that you favored as a child, and even as an adult.

I looked over at him as I finished my last little bit of information that I felt I could muster up today. A smile filled with fondness crept onto my face, his fluffy hair strewn about. It was cute despite his lingering sea sickness.

His face was remarkably less green now, my stories must have soothed him which made me feel heat run to my cheeks. Each time Spencer took interest in my origins I felt deeper feelings bubbling up, that were more than what we had expressed yet. Instead of voicing my full feelings just yet, I leaned forward to give him a chaste kiss on the forehead. He may have not looked green anymore, but I’d wait to give him a kiss on the lips until after we got back to shore, just in case something was to happen.

“Can you sing now?” I knew that he was not requesting me to sing any silly old song. He wanted me to sing the sea shantys that my father had taught me as a child. Not that I minded his request, I’d do anything to make him happier and I loved singing them anyway.

I smiled brightly as I guided the boat back to shore while I sang, already feeling lighter. It had not just been the water this time that made me feel better, it was also because of Spencer. He had taken so much care to help me feel more connected with home, loving to learn about your origins.

Ask Me Anything

—-

Tag lists (message me if you want to be added):

All works: @shotarosleftpinky @oreogutz @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg @takeyourleap-of-faith I’m sorry 😭

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey

[thebluewritingbench]

fic writer review!

thanks @inkedroplets for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

Seven at the moment! Gearing up to start posting a longer multichap I've been working on soon, though. ;)

2. Whats your total ao3 word count?

35,678 - though I have an additional 198,658 on my old fanfic.net account lol

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Four or five, depending on whether you count ATLA/LoK as one fandom or two. My old account had PJO and Harry Potter, and Supergirl most recently.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

I mean, that's most of them, since there are only seven rn but:

lucky i'm in love with my best friend - supercorp, kara goes on a date with william and then interrupts it by realizing she's actually in love with Lena.

and rain will make the flowers grow - supercorp, a 'what if lena only found out kara was supergirl as kara was dying' (it's sad)

rhymes with monopoly - supercorp, same as this tumblr prompt idk i wanted to try cross-posting one of my tumblr fics. Not sure I'll do it again, tbh.

Missed Notifications in Your Chat: ‘operation expose kyalin - lok, kyalin/korrasami - university au text fic where they're convinced their profs are dating and are overall insufferable about it

we're all in the mood for a melody - lok, korrasami - asami plays the piano a lot it's very domestic fluff

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I do! Usually not all of them, though, depends on the mood i'm in I suppose. And what the comment says. I read them all multiple times though!

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending

I'd say the wrong side of a second, which is just essentially just: what if Lena didn't manage to turn off Lex's mount norquay kryptonite canons on time in 5x8 and they hit Kara. The fic is the conversation where Lena has to tell Alex. It's one of two fics I've written where Kara dies, though I'd say the angstier of the two because they don't get time for love confessions and last kisses in that one. You may ask, helena, why do you have two oneshots in which Kara dies? Is this the name you're trying to make for yourself? I'm not sure, honestly. I'll just say i was enabled on discord for the second one. And that angst is kind of thrilling to write. And Kara is (masochistically, perhaps) a great character to kill.

(I tend to reserve tragic endings to oneshots I can knock out in an evening, though. If I'm investing major time into something, I want that happily ever after, please and thank you.)

7. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, no, though that's not to say I never would.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

I mean, not seriously. I've received the occasional negative/nasty comment but nothing I couldn't delete or disregard.

9. Do you write smut?

I have it was very scary. I'll probably do it again tho.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of?? I hope not. I think someone asked me if they could post a fic of mine to Wattpad once. I said no.

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Once back on ff.net! A lovely person translated a oneshot i'd written into french. It was very cool.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not really, no. Though I had a friend that added so much in her beta-reading that it may as well have been cowriting.

13. All time fav ship?

All time fave? Oh idk. But supercorp has my whole heart at the mo

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

mm well I started a (modern) Pride and Prejudice Supercorp AU but I got stuck trying to keep both Kara and Lena in character and the general plot structure of P&P. Maybe I'll go back to it if I ever figure out a way around that. Otherwise, i try to only post things I know I can finish.

15. Writing strengths?

Uhhhhhh gee idk. I like writing descriptions. Also dialogue.

16. Writing weaknesses?

Overuse of ellipses and M-dashes, perhaps? Repetition of certain adjectives and adverbs? Mostly lots of small things.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Not sure I'd trust myself to do it accurately, tbh. Maybe with a beta who spoke the language?

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson!

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

how do you possibly choose? I'm gonna say my road trip AU (still in the works, but upcoming soon) to drum up some hype for anyone who actually read this to the end. (Because i'm not sure i would, tbh. So if you did, hi here's a cookie don't tell anyone.)

i'll tag @mike-wachowski @mssirey @janusa @tsunderegirlfriend @smileymikey if y'all feel like it idk

[fallingtowers]

btvs season 3 episodes ranked

i kind of suspected starting s3 that ordering the episodes would be a hassle, and guess what, i was right. not only is the writing really solid throughout, s3 is much plot-heavier and less episodic than the seasons before it. still, i feel reasonably confident that i managed to order the episodes in something approaching a reasonable order of quality. alright here we go. btvs s3 episodes ranked from worst to best under the cut

21. episode 11, “gingerbread”: whatever.

20. episode 3, “faith, hope & trick”: this episode is named after the three different characters it introduces, only one of whom is even remotely interesting.

19. episode 5, “homecoming”: man. i thought this episode would rank way higher than this. the front half of it—buffy campaigning to be homecoming queen, the beginning of the willow/xander cheating plotline—is kind of a slog, and even the slayerfest ‘98 stuff, when it finally does happen, is not as entertaining as i remembered it. to be fair, though, the ending is really funny.

18. episode 4, “beauty and the beasts”: kind of fun but nothing special. angel is back, but like, who cares. first look at the updated werewolf costume, which is like hilariously bad, unlike the s2 costume, which was hilariously bad in a different way.

17. episode 7, “revelations”: a weird episode in that a lot of stuff happens in it, but it left close to no impression on me. mrs post is a fun character, i guess.

16. episode 14, “bad girls”: wesley is introduced, and while watching everyone neg him is a lot of fun, everything else about this episode is kind of forgettable. also, they really fucking named the vampire murder-cult “the eliminati” huh???

15. episode 10, “amends”: this episode bravely dares to ask the question: “what if scrooge saw the ghost of christmas past and was like, ‘i’m gonna fucking kill myself’?” it has its moments, even if the ending is like mega schmaltzy. it’s kind of cool that they introduced the first this early on, but also kind of weird that they then did nothing with it until season 7. also, hey, what the hell is up with buffy’s hair in this episode

14. episode 15, “consequences”: you know that faith is evil and fucked up because at one point in this episode she says that safewords are for pussies. anyway this one is good! watching everyone be at cross purposes while still all having the intention of helping faith, and it all going to shit in the end, is a lot of fun

13. episode 12, “helpless”: as a worldbuilding detail, the cruciamentum is dumb, but whatever, it’s fun! this episode feels like a very conscious take on the slasher genre, and the end result is very enjoyable. loses points because the rift it creates between giles and buffy is summarily swept under the rug in the next episode, which feels like a waste of potential drama.

12. episode 17, “enemies”: this one is fun! angel pretending to be bad is a fun gimmick, even if the explanation for the twist is like mega stupid. the confrontation between buffy and faith is really good.

11. earshot 18, “earshot”: i was prepared to be like “whatever” about this one too but it really picks up by the end. it’s entertaining, and it stands out in the sea of plot-heavy faith-centric episodes that make up the majority of this season.

10. episode 19, “choices”: god i love willow. she gets to really shine here. also, big ups to the mayor for pointing out how much buffy and angel’s relationship sucks. i know he’s evil but he made some points.

9. episode 21, “graduation day (part 1)” & episode 22, “graduation day (part 2)”: as an episode this one is good. as a season finale it’s… ok i guess. idk if this is just not one of the better season finales, or if it just feels less notable by contrast because the season that precedes it is so solid. some of it is really cool—the final confrontation between buffy and faith is fun, and the bit with the mayor at the hospital is good as hell—but the whole climactic battle against the mayor doesn’t really hit.

8. episode 1, “anne”: a little heavy on the misery porn, maybe, but a strong opener and a good look into buffy’s wrecked headspace at the start of the season. big bonus points for having buffy fight with a literal hammer and sickle while freeing a bunch of people from industrial slavery

7. episode 20, “the prom”: ah man this one is so nice. like, the tail ends of the seasons are always so rough on buffy and it’s actually really nice to see her get a moment of recognition for all her suffering. it’s mega sappy of course but imo it hits.

6. episode 2, “dead man’s party”: ok, the way they decided to make spooky zombie mask an african artifact is a little uncomfortable, but other than that this episode is really good. it’s a really deft blend of monster-of-the-week stuff and drama. when tensions boil over and everyone starts laying into buffy in front of everybody at the party… that’s the good stuff

5. episode 13, “the zeppo”: god this episode is just a delight. it is good and funny. the writing is clever, the jokes hit, the whole apocalyptic B-plot thing is such a funny device. a good episode.

4. episode 8, “lovers walk”: or as i like to call it, Spike Funny Moments. spike is obviously the star of this episode, but the rest of it is also really good and fun. the willow/xander cheating plotline, for all that it smacks of unnecessary teen drama, pays off in a really satisfyingly tragic way here. the cordelia funeral fakeout is inspired. the contrast between the main cast moping at the end of the episode and spike triumphantly singing along to “my way” in his car is mad funny

3. episode 6, “band candy”: or as i like to call it, Principal Snyder Funny Moments. god this episode is fucking funny. armin shimerman and anthony head steal the show here.

2. episode 16, “doppelgangland”: not even a season later, the writers were like, “vampire willow rules so much that we just simply have to bring her back.” and thank god they did. this episode is such a good time. all the jokes are really impressively well-timed. hey, also, just as a side note, who undressed vampire willow? it must’ve been regular willow, right? how did that make her feel, do you think, as a closeted lesbian?

1. episode 9, “the wish”: oh god this episode is so fucking cool. it’s not only the best of the season, it’s easily one of the best of the series. xander and willow as vampires are so much fun, and the dead-eyed, cynical version of buffy we see here is very compelling. the writing is inspired—see for example the way it establishes the rules of this new universe by setting up cordelia as the focal character, then killing her off halfway through. a banger through and through.

[xorobyn]

The End

Just was able to put a date on my depression. It’s been five years since I remember getting really low. Idk I feel like it had always been there, but 5 years ago it started taking over my life. I’m 23 now. I am an atheist, nihilist, pessimist, and antinatalist. So, I guess it only makes sense for me to be depressed. To be fair though, I was depressed when I was religious too. I really like who I am now. More than ever. That’s the thing. This is the best my life has been. I was feeling very content for a while, but of course this shit is up and down. My anxiety is worse than ever. Today at work I almost had a panic attack. I used to think that I could never actually go through with suicide, even though I have wanted to die. Forever, I have wished I was never born. I mean even since high school. However, as the years go by, I can see myself doing it. I’m not afraid to die. Life is net negative. I have been hurt by so many people. Of course, dumb ass men, but also friends. Friends that I would’ve done anything for. My family is outrageously terrible. My mom is a lunatic. Everyone is my family comes to me for help. They have forever. I really don’t share my true feelings with anyone. Not even my sisters or my one best friend. I mean they know I’m depressed and some about me wanting to die. I’ve never truly laid out exactly how I feel though. I don’t even think I have to myself. I think I’ll do that now…

I wish I was never born. Why the fuck did my parents decide to bring a child into this shitty ass world and then proceed to give me so much trauma to only make it worse? I resent both my parents a lot for having me. I have since at least high school. I recently discovered what an antinatalist is, and it explains how I feel so so perfectly. It puts how I have always felt perfect. I wish I wasn’t born. I don’t want kids. I don’t think anyone should be out here having kids. No one treats their children right. Everyone ends up fucked up.

I also don’t believe in a god. I’m proud to say I’m an atheist. I used to be so brainwashed. It is actually crazy. I’m so so proud of how far I’ve come. Religion has done so much harm to the world. It’s heart wrenching. I don’t have too much to say on this except there is absolutely no proof of a god and that religion is the core of a lot of hate in the world. Life is net negative bc of all this hate.

Stemming from that I am also a nihilist. I try to be an optimistic nihilist, but it gets quite hard to do so. Life has no meaning. I’m here for no reason but to suffer. That is all I get in life. It is all everyone gets whether they want to believe it or not. I mean look at the shit that happens in the world. More on this when I talk about my pessimism. Anyway, the more depressed I get the more I keep thinking my life doesn’t matter and when I die I cease to exist (just like before I was born). I mean how much more peaceful can you get? Life means nothing, so why am I here. I have all these thoughts and emotions that try to trick me into being scared and shit, but really who the fuck am I? No one.

Good old fashioned pessimism. It’s funny bc I used to be an optimist. This was in high school. It’s funny earlier when I mentioned that I knew when I started getting really depressed it was from another post I made on tumblr. I remember making it bc it was the first time I started to allow myself to feel pain and sadness without trying to talk myself out of it bc “others have it way worse”. I think that’s the day I also lost my optimism. It’s true a lot of people have it worse, but my philosophy isn’t that I cannot also have it bad and feel great sadness. Maybe I am a bit spoiled to be whining, but it’s my perspective I have bc of the life I was given. Also, I think everyone’s life is bad overall, so stemming from that I think everyone is allowed to hate their life just as much as the next person. People are cursed on this earth. Most things are bad. We suffer majority of our life.

So here we are. I wrote out how I’ve been feeling for a while. Times like rn I really want to die. Then I have good times and enjoy life. But we always get back here. In bed writing an essay to myself about my depression. I mean seriously I’ve been doing this for years and years. Right now I think my way of choice would be to take enough xan to stop my heart. Bc then I will just die in my sleep. I don’t want to be harmed when it happens. That would just be tragic. I wonder how ppl will feel. I’m sure my mom will have a mental breakdown. Might even drive her to suicide. Of course my sisters would be sad. Fuck it would kill Chloe. How could I ever leave her here. I’m all she has. This fact might make me put it off for longer. Lynsey will be fine eventually. I mean I’m also like her only friend, but she will get over it sooner. I’m sure Robert will feel like dog shit and tbh he should.

My meds don’t let me cry like I used to. I feel immense sadness rn, but can’t cry. Are they just making me more numb? I don’t fucking know. I’m fucking tired tho. Good night. Sleep with the angles.

[two-gays-in-a-trenchcoat]

Can I have a (male) Tokyo revengers or twisted wonderland matchup (I'm happy with either ☺️) She/her, bi Traits and things I look for in a partners: Someone who has a good scenes of humor, is kind and friendly, who can match my level of dork also 😂 and who won't judge me ( and also give me food and cuddles) My overall de fining personality traits: I'm very empathetic and try and help people going through hard times. I tend to be pretty quiet when I first meet people (that's what a lot of people tell me anyways) but when I'm used to someone I am very talkative and goofy. It is very obvious when I don't like someone/something by my body language. I hate disappointing people so I can over work myself sometimes how I act around others: I tend to act the same way for everyone when I first meet them, but if I become close to them I tend to be more goofy and physically affectionate with them. If I'm not as close to someone I will still be kind but polite Other things: I like reading books, writing, listening to music (my favorite song is sharp objects by sorn). I also like to go exploring like in the forest or even abandoned places I also love cooking and baking (more so baking tbh) sometimes I stop in the middle of talking because I think I talk to much (I've been told many times that I do so I just try not to really talk in a way)i play with my hands a lot, I have a really high pitched (idk sorta cute?) sneeze, I can be very clumsy (I literally tripped on air once😂) when I do something scary my hands shaky after I've done the scary thing (if that makes any sense) want only my most compatible character please

Hey love!!

Your major brain system is definitely estrogen, while the secondary is serotonin (I’ve gotta say, though, you’re fairly evenly spread out between serotonin and dopamine). And as for most compatible, I think I’m going to have to go with Jamil Viper.

Besides Jamil’s serotonin/testosterone lining up with your estrogen/serotonin making you psychologically compatible, I think the two of you would be very good for each other. The both of you can tend to overwork yourselves, and put other’s needs before your own. You’re also both incredibly perceptive when it comes to emotions. Being in a relationship with him would not only help you prioritize your own health and well-being, but it would do the same for him, too!

The two of you tend to not vocalize your negative feelings all that much, but because you both are so emotionally aware of each other, there’s no way the other can ignore it. Conflicts would be short-lived and end in loving tears and a deeper sense of understanding. You always know what the other needs, and the emotional side of your relationship works like a well-oiled machine.

He’s also very caring and compassionate by nature. While he may be a bit selective with who he chooses to love, once he’s got his heart set on you, there’s no escaping the Viper’s grip. He loves taking care of you and making you feel warm and comfy and needed, very big on providing. He’s hopelessly devoted to you.

Overall, you and Jamil would be the secret power couple. You understand each other on an almost spiritual level, and nothing could come between you.

[sukirichi]

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM… 

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just… 

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33 

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me. 

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

[dodo-begone]

New anon, I feel called out ASDFGHJKL—

A guy in my class confessed to me and I just blinked in confusion, thanked him, and walked away cause I thought he meant it as a friend HAHAHAHAH it took people who saw the whole thing going down explaining it to me THREE TIMES for me to realize it wasn’t a platonic confession. ^^;

Growing up with a parent that has NPD, I don’t have a lot of self confidence and though I have trust issues, I cling onto those who show me affection very easily. I’m also quick to apologize for something, even if I have nothing to do with it, and forgive people even quicker. I hate it, but someone could physically or mentality hurt me and/or my family, and I’d probably forgive them in a matter of hours (days or maybe weeks if it was bad enough) out of habit. I can never make decisions for myself (I was able to redesign, paint, and furnish my room and I told my mom to pick what to do with it for me because I honestly didn’t [and still don’t] care how it turns out. Just like, pick what you want and I’ll roll with it. I stg I thought my mom was gonna strangle me if I didn’t make a decision HAHAHAH—) and I’ll take anything dealt in my direction, positive or negative, without any resistance so long as my friends or family aren’t facing the negative as well. (But even then, I’ll forgive eventually).

It’s ironic because I don’t let my friends take any shit and always tell them to stand up for themselves—or I’ll do it for them—and then I’m quiet as a mouse with any major or minor inconvenience that comes my way. I don’t even think there’s anyone I hate, and I’ve dealt with shit from people. I just, idk, take it, forgive them, and move on I guess. Someone could stab me and I’d apologize for being in the way and offer to clean the knife and hide my own body before I die OOPS—

I put others, even those that are openly rude or cruel to me before myself and it’s just ksksksksk. Honestly, just give me physical touch and generally tell me that I’m a decent human being and I’ll do anything for you LOL.

My friends are already worried about how easily I let things slide and how little I care about my own well being, so having a yandere that’s worried enough to take me away wouldn’t even be surprising WHOOPS

Dream SMP yanderes would have a field day omg—

(Similarly to Loyal, I only know the DSMP OOOOP)

Yandere: so I may have killed your family and now you’re staying with me for the rest of your life

Me: Take me wherever, idc. No need to knock me out or anything, I’ve got legs and I know how to walk. Just lead the way.

Me: also, fuck you, my family was pretty pog >:( *still willingly goes*

We all getting called out by the new anon aren’t we? Pog-

Okay that guy confessing to you??? I’ve done that quite a bit. I guess?? Idk I just see them all as jokes bc they come from ppl in my classes.

Yo I, I know this won’t do anything, but I’m so sorry for that crap you had to deal with. But I can feel you on the indecisive stuff. I have such a hard time choosing and if there is even slight pushback I’m like “I can’t. Take the reigns since you’re apparently better” but that’s,,, only to my fam tbh.

(Yo it’s k. Idk much about Hermitcraft. I’m slowly learning though so don’t feel bad. That shit been going on for ages)

Haha I hope a yandere doesn’t kidnap us. Would be such a tragedy