#i feel very alone and idk how to remedy it and it’s making me feel like a loser
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
doyeons · 1 year ago
Text
the loneliness of being here is kind of destroying me but she’s being cancelled out by the happiness of actually liking the thought of what i can do w/ my life now so i just feel kinda uncomfortably indifferent instead
5 notes · View notes
justphilia · 6 months ago
Text
Rating Dungeon Meshi Characters Based on How Well They Can Take Care of Me When I'm Sick
Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best. Precaution I have bias for women.
Laios - 7/10 He'll definitely try his best, but he's not very good at it. Achieves the bare minimum of keeping me fed and making sure I take my meds, but most of the time he wouldn't really know what to do to help more. As I drift in and out of consciousness, I see him staring at me with his autism eyes through the gap of my door.
Falin - 9/10 Practically my bedside nurse. Checks my temperature every so often, makes sure to keep my forehead cool. She makes it possible for me to be glad I'm sick, though I am not sure if she knows how to cook. Fortunately, too ill to gaf. Also it's Falin.
Marcille - 9/10 She will think I am dying and because of this she's desperate to help me recover. Heh. I love the attention. But I think. I THINK. she may not know what she is doing about a quarter of the time. She'll read the instructions on my meds like 5 times before giving it to me. She'll research what kind of foods is good for speedy recovery. She'll forget to wring the cold rag before putting it on my head, and every time I fall asleep she thinks I passed away.
Chilchuck - 6/10 Like my dad. "Don't forget to take your meds." Feeds me porridge for lunch and dinner. I don't see his face like the whole day, but I'll be unsure if it's because he's purposely checking in on me when I'm knocked out or he just doesn't want to bother me at all. I can't ask, because he wouldn't answer honestly (he's embarrassed).
Senshi - 8/10 I feel like he's gonna be like my mom and feed me herbal medicine and home remedies. My recovery will be slightly slower, but I'll recover. I will be eating soooo good, 'cause he'll definitely put a spin on every meal meant to help me recover. He sits by my bedside and does his own thang while I sleep, or talk about what he put in my food as like a bedtime story. When he goes to the toilet, I cry.
Toshiro (without his retainers [not including Izutsumi]) - 4/10 Porridge is simple enough to make, I think he is capable of that at the very least. I think he'd make sure I drink enough water, and will ask if I've taken my meds yet. But that's all his efforts and capabilities. I wouldn't blame him. He wears a mask when he enters my room.
Toshiro (with his retainers) - 9/10 Maizuru alone bumped the score by three points because she'll make sure to help Toshiro keep me well fed. But because she's only helping me for Toshiro, she wouldn't go all out with the care. It's okay, their company is enough. I will most likely think I died and went to heaven. They all are wearing masks under Maizuru's order—don't want them catching it and spreading it to Toshiro.
Izutsumi - 2/10 It may be over for me. But if she sleeps at the foot of my bed the entire time and gets me packaged food and water when I ask, I'll live.
Namari - 8/10 Idk. Like! Idk! I think she's gonna be like Laios about it, like she really tries her best, but she's unsure. She's like a combo of Laios and Chilchuck—she can make me food and make sure I take my meds, but I would hardly see her throughout the day. Sometimes she'll come in and ask if I need anything, and if I ask her to stay she'll linger at the doorway then step inside. When I wake up, she may be gone.
Kabru - 7/10 I kinda...don't want him here.....like....I like his face and everything, but I feel. scared. at the thought of being sick and him taking care of me. Might be the blue eyes. Nevertheless, he's able to make sure I don't get worse. He can cook and will help me take my meds, put a cool rag over my forehead, and keep me company until I fall asleep. "I guess you owe me one!" he'll laugh lightly as my fever-fried brain stares at him, and I won't know if he's serious until he tells me so.
Mithrun - 1/10 I am Gone but also he's very attractive so I think I'll die happy.
167 notes · View notes
littlelioncub43 · 2 years ago
Note
Ok for murderer Monday 😶‍🌫️
Imagine being softdark!Lee's little housewife and getting your period and he gets soooooo protective of you esp. in public and when you're both alone and you're in pain and he's heard that pleasure can fix that sooooo....
AaaaAAAAAAH YES. It's been so long since I wrote for Lee. I need more Lee thots hehe
Home Remedies
Tumblr media
Summary: When your period comes with a vengeance, Lee is quick to dote on you. But when the regular methods of pain relief seem to be failing you, Lee suggests another way to make you feel better.
Pairing: soft dark!Lee Bodecker x fem!Reader
Warnings: smut (18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI), fluff, fingering (f receiving), pet names (princess, baby doll, baby, nothing crazy), period sex, bleeding (obvi), Lee being Lee which is naturally darker but still very loving, brief mentions of force feeding, dry humping, Lee coming in his pants, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Word count: idk, I wrote this on my phone.
A/N: Holy crap, I accidentally wrote a fic! Look at me go! This was supposed to be short but it turned out to be a full length fic! I'm honestly so surprised and proud of myself. I hope you enjoy it! Hehe let me know how you feel! Comments and reblogs are always welcome! 💖
Kisses 💋
—K
Tumblr media
Lee made it a point to track your cycle, it made life easier for the both of you. He knew when your attitude was less than agreeable that your monthly was just round the corner, which helped him keep a level head most of the time. He knew when you'd burst into tears because you were out of lemons and he forgot to pick them up from the store, that your monthly was approaching. As much as it drove him up the walls to have you all over the place, he knew there was no avoiding it. Just as there was no avoiding the itch deep inside him to watch over you.
On a good day, Lee had a hard time leaving you at home by yourself. The worry that someone might break in, or something might happen while he's gone lived permanently in the back of his head. No matter how many times that you tell him that you're more than capable of taking care of yourself, Lee had a hard time buying it. He just wants to make sure you're safe, that's all.
So when you're curled up in bed way past the time you normally get up, that need to hover around you comes back full swing. You were certain there was a knife in your abdomen, and it was slowly but surely cutting its way through your insides. You were flushed hot, but felt annoyingly chilly at the same time. After 20 minutes of wrestling with the blankets you found a position that didn't hurt.
"Babydoll?" You hear Lee's groggy voice laced with concern from behind you. "You feelin' ok?"
"Cramps," is all you could say through the discomfort. Lee clocked the pained whine in your voice and the waves of tension that radiated off of you immediately.
"Period come early, or your tummy?" He sat up and rubbed his eyes, ready to get whatever you needed.
"Period," you grumble softly. He grunts in acknowledgement and makes his way towards the medicine cabinet, grabbing the painkillers and a cool washcloth for your forehead, he could feel the heat emanating from you.
"Here you go, honey," he whispers as he hands you the two pills and the glass of water you keep by your bedside. You swallow them down with some effort, the water settling in your stomach makes you nauseated.
"Thanks," you sigh as he sets the half empty cup down and eases the damp washcloth across your heated skin.
"Y'welcome," he whispers and mozies his way downstairs, ready to call Ida at the station to tell her that he won't be in today. He comes back to bed less than 10 minutes later, lightly buttered toast and a small plate of fruit in hand. You sigh when you see the food, knowing that it's a lot easier to just eat the food rather than argue with him about it. Last time you did, he sat there and basically forced the slices if oranges down your throat. Lesson learned.
Once Lee was satisfied with the amount of food you'd eaten, he tucked you back into bed, this time setting a red towel beneath you to catch any excess blood.
"There you go," he presses a kiss to your face and straightens up, "if y'need anythin', you tell me, alright?"
"I will, honey, thank you," you smile up at him softly. While he still was the rough and burly sheriff of Knockemstiff, you couldn't deny the fact that he loved you to pieces. He gave you that boyish smile that he knows you love so much, and went about his way.
Your little nap lasted for about an hour before the cramps came back with a vengeance. The dull ache was now replaced with piercing pains that shot through you. Deep groans pulled their way from your throat as you writhe in your spot, unwanting to move too much.
"What's the matter?" a concerned Lee ask from the door, your pained groans having alerted him. Unable to answer him, he crosses the room to sit on the edge of the bed next to you, still in his pajama pants and undershirt. "Is it bad? Want more pills?"
"N-Nooo," you whimper with a shake of your head, you knew they'd do nothing to quell the pain in your abdomen.
"What do you need, honey? Tell me," he sighs softly, his face pinched in pain, mirroring your own grimace. Seeing you like this definitely did a number on him. "Hm?"
"Don't know," you mumble, frustrated that you have no clue what could possibly make this better.
"Wanna try something? I heard it's supposed t'help make everything better," he says, a playful yet caring glint in his eye. He can tell he has your attention now, that you're just desperate enough to want relief no matter how you got it. "They say that gettin' off helps relax the muscles that are crampin', helps you relax. Don't that sound nice?"
Lee tucks a strand of your hair behind your head, smiling when you nuzzle into his palm on instinct. He read about it months ago and was just waiting for the opportunity to put it to the test. Now all he has to do is get you to agree, which he knows is going to be a piece of cake. He watches as you chew over his proposition.
"Gettin' off?" You ask softly, looking up at your husband.
"Yes, babydoll," he leans in closer with a soft nod, slowly but surely moving to hover over you, "gettin' you off... makin' you finish."
It's second nature to spread your thighs for Lee, your body welcoming his own as he cages you in underneath him. You could see the predatory gleam in his eye as he watched you, waiting patiently for your answer. You knew that this was partly for his own pleasure, but the saccharine promise of relief from the pain was enough for you.
"Ok," you nod, your arms moving to lazily sling around his broad shoulders. Lee gives you that pleased smirk that sends butterflies fluttering through your tummy, a welcomed contrast to the shooting jabs and dull aches.
"Alright," he purrs, clearly pleased with your answer, and lowers his body down to yours carefully. You whine softly at the pressure, but he's quick to shush you gently. "It's ok, babydoll, it's alright. Jus' let me take care of everythin', and you be a good girl and relax, hm? All you gotta do is feel good."
He whispers his loving promises into your skin as he peppers tender kisses along your jaw, making his way to your lips. You both let out a shared moan of relief when your lips finally slot together. The slow movements of Lee's unfairly large hands pull your mind away from the discomfort you feel, the further south they travel the heavier you breathe.
"L-Lee," you moan into his mouth when he gently cups your sex, his hooded eyes trained on your face as he holds you in his palm, the heat from your core drove him fucking crazy. He groans softly as he begins to pet you, stroking your mound in slow motions, careful not to push too hard. Your eyes stay shut as small little whimpers of pleasure fall from your lips. The feeling of his hand rubbing your sensitive parts has a mixture of arousal and blood gushing out of you, just for Lee to feel.
"That's it, babygirl," he groans, letting his own eyes shut for a moment to just feel the growing wetness of your cunt through your panties. The small sparks of pleasure are soon not enough anymore, and you try to tell him with a gentle nudge of your hips. "Wan' more already?"
"Uh-huh," you nod, ignoring the teasing lilt to his voice. He gives your lips another peck before he's peeling off your panties and discarding them to the floor.
"So wet for me, aren't ya, Sweetheart? Always so wet," he coos as his thick fingers glide easily through your petals. Lee bites his lip when he smells the metalic scent of your blood mixing with the tang of your arousal— he could get used to this.
"Oh my god," you sigh and grip his white undershirt in your fists, your head lolling to the side as he circles your clit in slow, precise movements. You were so fucking sensitive, it was nearly overwhelming. The gentle touches left you burning for more and breathless, then you had Lee above you, watching your every expression with his own hungry gaze, and speaking in that thick drawl— it was dizzying.
"Oh, fuck!" You whimper as a thick finger fills you slowly, your back arches off the bed on instinct. The deep grunt that leaves Lee has you clamping down around his forefinger, his thumb replacing his finger on your clit. Lee was certain he's never been this hard in his life than he is right now, watching you lose yourself to the pleasure he's providing. His cock flexes against your inner thigh as he pumps his finger in and out of you at a sluggish pace.
"There you go, baby, there you go," he rasps under his breath, his eyes drinking in every little expression you make. The way your nose scrunches, how your eyebrows furrow together when he touches that special spot inside you, the way your gorgeous lips stay parted to let those beautiful moans flow freely. "So fucking beautiful, y'know that? Make me so crazy for ya, Princess, can't get enough a'you, never get enough."
The stretch of another finger joining his first has your hips trying to rut, chasing the pleasure, but Lee's heavy frame keeps you in your spot. He speeds up ever so slightly, the sound of his fingers sinking into your sopping cunt over and over fill the room.
"Oh fuck, y'hear that? Hear how wet you are?" Lee growls, the slick sounds being his undoing. His fingers speed up, keeping their pressure light as he stretches you out. You gasp and moan as the pleasure builds, the tension growing in your lower tummy draws tighter and tighter with each swipe of his thumb against your clit.
"Lee, m'gonna cum!" You gasp and toss your head back, your legs squirming as he works you closer and closer to your high.
"Yeah? Y'gonna cum on my fingers, baby? Gonna make a fucking mess?" His voice is rough, his own hips beginning to rut, humping himself against your thigh for some relief. The act alone sends you shooting higher ans higher towards your crest. "C'mon, honey, I want you t'come for me."
You didn't stand a chance.
"Lee!" You cry out as you finish, your body thrashing as waves of bliss crash down over you again and again. You can hear Lee's pleased grunts in your ear as you clench down around his fingers, his thumb working you through your high. A rush of wetness seeps from your core, coating Lee's hand and dripping down your skin to the towel. It's not long until you feel his covered cock throbbing wildly against you.
"F-Fuck!" He curses harshly as his own end catches up to him, soaking his boxers and pajama pants. Throaty groans resonate through his chest as he rocks against you to milk his high as long as possible. Heavy breaths replace the moans that filled the shared bedroom. Peeling your eyes open, you gaze up at the ceiling as you try to catch your breath.
Lee sighs and pulls himself from the comfort of your shoulder to look down at you with a soft smile. His face flushed pink and sweat beads his forehead from your activities and shared body heat and you can't help but beam up at him with that same lovesick smile you give him.
"How're y'feelin', Princess, any better?" He asks in a breathless voice. You giggle softly and relax your grip on his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles you left.
"I forgot that's what this was for," you admit bashfully, making him chuckle with you.
"Well, good, then I did my job right."
"You always do, Sheriff Bodecker," you coo and give him a kiss, already feeling more like yourself. Lee groans into the kiss at the title.
"You're a little minx," he whispers in between another kiss before propping himself up on his forearm, giving his attention to his fingers still buried in your cunt. "Fuuuuck me," he groans when he sees the mess you made. A thin layer of blood coats your inner thighs and part of his hand, the glisten of your cum recognizable on your lips and his wrist. Slowly, he withdraws from your pussy, watching intensely as his fingers emerge coated in your essence and blood.
The little whimper you give when he leaves you completely empty has his dick stirring in his trousers. Lee sucks in a deep breath as he brings his fingers from between your legs to get a better look.
"Would y'look at that?" He marvels, mostly to himself, as his fingers gleam in the late morning sunshine. Your face heats up at his actions, embarrassment taking hold as he shows you his bloody, cum covered fingers. Lee's eyes are fixed on his digits as he plays with the strings of wetness for a moment before bringing them to his lips. A loud moan vibrates in his chest at your taste, his eyes sliding shut in bliss as he cleans you from his hand. He finally releases them with a pop.
"Fuckin' divine is what you are, Princess. Fuckin' heavenly," he growls, his dick fully hard in his pajama pants as he begins to rut into your thigh again, his eyes dark with hunger again as he quickly unties the drawstring of his pants. "M'gonna fuck ya all fuckin' week, make sure ya don't feel nothin' but pleasure— fuck, m'gonna take care of ya, Princess, I promise."
And he did.
Tumblr media
Comments and reblogs are always welcome! Hehe
I no longer have a taglist! If you wish to stay up-to-date on when I post, follow @littlelioncub-library 💖
455 notes · View notes
harbringer-melodies · 9 months ago
Text
I've been considering top surgery for a while. Idk if this is the place to rant about it, but I honestly don't know a better place to sound my ideas off.
My chest is saggy and heavy and makes breathing harder than it already is. I have no underlying muscle in my chest so all the weight hangs off of me, making my boobs fold into my armpits. Even if I started working out I can't undo years of never having access to a fitted bra. It feels hopeless to try and "fix" a part of myself that has always seemed to symbolize my lack of womanhood. My inability to perform femininely wastes away at my body. I was never a "proper" girl and I always hated that being one was expected of me. I wanted to be beautiful without having to wear clothes that felt like I was playing pretend to be someone else. So why does the flesh of my body make me feel so less? I gained the body of a 50 year old woman before I even left my teenage years. I've lived like this for a while now, but only now does it sing in agony against my ideals.
I want to feel free of gender identity while still loving myself as I am: whole. The only true remedy I can think of is schlopping my heavy boys off, attaching Velcro patches, and attaching them only for fashion/genderdluid purposes. I want MY boobs! They're my body and I want to love them even though I don't. I'm not sure if I actually want to be free of them or if a time machine to punch my neglectful mother would be a better solution.
I didn't get my first fitted bra until I was 20. Size does matter and I had no idea how to find mine until my partner took me to get fitted at the mall. I never knew bras weren't supposed to hurt you, I always thought that's why everyone complained about them. I was already too depressed to put a shirt on let alone a too tight bra.
My partner loves me, and loves my body. They've been working hard to try and get me to accept my body the way it is. I'm struggling with it lately. I got really sick and I haven't been able to wear a bra in a week and I feel my boobs slipping more and more. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about them if my asthma was exacerbated extensively by the weight.
I pick them up and I can feel where I want them off. I get kind of excited thinking about my flat chest....then I think about how off my body would look without them. My hips are huge and without my chest I would look very weird. I wouldn't be able to recognize myself, but then I remember I can't do that anyways. At what point do I need to accept myself and at what point do I need to accept I CAN change myself?
6 notes · View notes
blackkewpie · 4 years ago
Text
nothing much to see here
#I don't think its Good how white washed the smiths are#but i do think we blame jada and jaden way more than we do like#actual black celebrities who are openly queerphobic and misogynistic and close minded#like i can't think of one time that the question had even come up#like doja cat said faggot with her whole chest and everyone just thought it was cute and streamed say so#a video who's sucess largely comes from borrowing aesthetics and sounds of disco#a genre carried by lgbt black people and their allies in the scene#so yeah its fucked up that they've never tried to find or support queer bipoc artists and instead spurn blackness as a whole#but like. what outlet do they have to link up with someone who at the very least doesn't actively support a homophobe#when lack of genuine accountability is effecting all sides of the community#idk thats just my take#they're just weird and mean#unapprochable black hotties if you will#i think people blow it out of proportion when they're literally just trying to protect themselves#i'll be honest i wish i had more black friends#but when i have alone time with other black people it makes me feel like an outsider#and ik the only way to remedy that is involving myself with even more black people#but theres so much I don't understand i end up feeling like im taking up space I don't deserve#especially after i saw a decently popular black tiktoker talk about mixed people like they're interchangeable with white opressors#like what makes people think its easy to enter spaces like that when you're likely to meet at least one person who'll bring that up#which i why i wanna go to balls when covids over so i can meet the gays in my area#but that's neither here nor there
2 notes · View notes
thetwinsinlaw · 2 years ago
Text
unreliable narration is tricky but the only way we can analyze iwtv is with what we’ve been presented (and it is a lot harder in film than in literature) and idk if i can be coherent enough to explain myself but this is how i think we’re going to see louis kill lestat with claudia at the end.
knowledge and secrets: one aspect of lestat as a maker that has bothered both louis and claudia is the fact that he will NOT talk about his past, the history of their kind and whatever the hell is happening in Europe, especially in Paris (’we should leave. New York, Chicago, Los Angeles.’ ‘Paris?’ ‘No.’) Claudia goes so far as to search for this knowledge in college libraries, she’s not just trying to put distance between herself and lestat, she’s trying to understand who she is outside of him, and we see a similar activity happening with louis reading all the books in lestat’s possession. louis even mocks lestat because he’d rather be ignorant and have fun and kill people left and right. which in itself is already a brutal life but when lestat mentions vampires out there being vicious he makes himself the father figure, he’s the one who protects them both, HE is benevolent and forgiving which is not only very paternalistic but it also enhances the metaphorical and literal cage he has built around both louis and claudia. or what they feel like a cage. this is still claudia and louis pov talking.
the cage: louis and claudia need to be free of him. louis asking him to ‘let go’ is of course a way to tell lestat that he doesn’t want to live like that anymore. but lestat is vicious (the nature of vampires, louis using his powers to activate daniel’s parkinson, claudia playing at frankenstein etc etc) in the way he loves and so he hurts louis because he can, because in his mind he’s the victim here. and he’s allowed to hold louis close and then let him fall because he made louis what he is, he can unmake him. in claudia’s diary, lestat says she was being ‘ungrateful’ and that is the same sentiment he feels about louis (how could he not love me the way that i love him, i do everything for louis, everything for you) at the end of the day it’s all about lestat making louis his priority while the latter never does. or so he thinks. of course the baseline for all characters is that they feel alone and scared and in my head they feel excluded by the other duo. louis and lestat are together, claudia is alone in the world. louis and claudia share a deep bond, lestat can’t come between them. claudia and lestat are very similar (too similar even), louis struggles to be. so they try to find meaning outside of this cage they feel trapped in.
passive and active: lestat has his private life outside of the cage, tho he tries to bring louis with him like they used to, he can’t really understand why louis doesn’t want his life of ‘fun’ and ‘killing’, so he goes out by himself (and oh yeah im not a fan of them bringing back antoinette but i guess they didn’t want it to be just lestat slutting around town idk maybe lestat wanted louis to know and hurt bc it’s her?)
now in ep5 claudia wants to do the same but somehow can’t do it right. she’s unable to really leave the cage (’you are shaped like a bird’, the doves in her room which louis tries to feed her) because of the one who keeps her in. louis up until this moment does not want to leave the cage, because he has nowhere else to go. all he knows is lestat. no family, no job, no friends. only claudia reminds him of his humanity and the unconditional love one is supposed to feel about family. yet he does not do a lot about it? claudia even asks him how could he let lestat treat him this way. and sure this is partly about the antoinette situation, but really it’s about louis standing up for himself and her. so by the end louis acts, because lestat is trying to remedy the mistake they made, but louis can’t make him hurt claudia! so he fights lestat.
i agree with the people who did not like the portrayal of this ‘fight’ as it was brutal to watch and onesided and frankly poorly directed, but i also understand? why they did that? if the endgame here is to show louis trying to get out and do something, the first action would be to fight the one keeping him in the cage. which is why lestat is the aggressor and winner of this fight, this is the climax, not the resolution. i think the writers were pushing for this angle because of the way 2022!louis has presented their relationship, not many would believe him to conspire or at least allow claudia to kill lestat and ‘be free’ of him when half the time louis can’t go against him. daniel spends half the time pushing louis to admit things were bad with lestat bc the romance was so exaggerated and by episode 7 louis kills him? the preview from next ep is very telling. ‘forgive others’ ‘sure, he only beat me up the one time’. i didnt say this but like, it’s very clear to me louis does love lestat and does not carry resentment like that in the present. so we need daniel and claudia to balance it out and say ‘what are you talking about? he’s awful.’
so from a rather passive position, louis has all the reasons and the audience’s empathy when in the finale he actively kills his lover. we know louis is tormented by his actions. the few times he tries to exert his will on others, he fucks up. he pushes his brother away and paul dies, he buys the club which goes up in smokes after he kills the alderman, he hurts grace and now he’s dead to her, he tries to save claudia but curses her instead, and so he has to lock himself away. one thing that is interesting is that louis spends seven years looking for claudia in the papers and the streets and yet we never see him leave new orleans. he never goes out to look for her, he waits for her to come to him, to come home. just like a parent doesn’t want to leave the house in case their child comes back. also atp in my mind louis doesn’t want to leave lestat, he's still clinging to that fictional idea of a family he can’t have anymore. even before he turned, louis was aware his relationship with his family was not ideal at best and that his own greed and pride made them part of his mess.
louis can’t have the family he has idealized, lestat alone cannot give meaning to him and his only hope is claudia. who is now in danger of being hurt by lestat. in a way that thing about lestat protecting them is part of louis’ narration so again, the ‘fight’ in ep5 further proves they are not safe with him around. lestat won’t let go of him and claudia is priority number 1.
now we still have 2 episodes to go, but if i got any of it right louis’s not going to be passive about this. he’s going to help claudia kill lestat while he’s still in love with him (im not joking when i say my sanity depends on this detail lmao). so if my delusions are correct louis kills lestat, louis loves lestat, lestat has been a cunt with a god complex this whole time while also being very layered and in love with louis, claudia has a tragic story and she deserves to find her vengeance misguided as she may be, the fight was awful to witness and i understand why we hated it and im going to punch the wall, scream cry throw up now bye
83 notes · View notes
shotorozu · 3 years ago
Note
Hello, how are you today? Remember to drink water if you haven’t already! 💛
if you are okay with it and feel comfortable writing it. (also no rush at all, I get it’s exams week and stuff) but could I request some fluff head cannons with Hitoshi Shinso and Shoto Todoroki (separately) with an s/o who is sick with like a stomach virus or food poisoning. Them maybe comforting the s/o or something? Idk, you do whatever you feel best.
I’m sick right now and currently feel like trash so some fluff would be nice. Also, just love your writing!! 💞 hope you have a good day/night
their s/o contracted a stomach virus
character(s) : todoroki shouto, shinsou hitoshi (bnha)
legend : [Y/N = your name] gender neutral, quirk not mentioned
headcanon type : fluff, comfort (x reader)
note(s) : ahh i know what that feels like and thats why i avoid eating out alot, since my stomach starts aching really quickly, even if i JUST ate :( anyways, thank you for waiting! the last week of school was really busy for me today, i spent the entire day filming my project 💀 also, theres not that many nuances here, so i hope that’s okay
➽───────────────❥
Tumblr media
todoroki shouto
i can’t really say that shouto would know what to do at first, since shouto almost never gets sick
maybe a few times during his childhood, and during that ONE occasion when he was 12, he tried making soba— when he didn’t know how to
besides the point, man stays healthy; in topic condition. it’s important, if you’re training to be a hero.
so, when he finds out that you contracted a stomach virus / food poisoning, he doesn’t exactly know what to do
sure yeah, he could visit you for emotional support— but he wants to help you feel better.
it wasn’t like period cramps (if you get those)— he has heard that heat can help you cope with those, and he could always help with his left side
in actuality, food poisoning / stomach viruses are nowhere near that💀
you were nauseous, practically camping in the bathroom— since whenever you’d try to get up, and do your tasks for the day
you’d feel a sense of dread in your stomach, and you’d bolt back to the bathroom.
really, shouto hates seeing you like that, looking like death knocked on your window that very morning— skin burning to the touch, even though you felt cold
so, what does shouto do? he goes to fuyumi— since she has helped natsuo get over a case of food poisoning on two separate occasions.
she, luckily has all the remedies available, but still recommends that he should take you to a doctor, if you don’t feel any better.
he returns with water, and an electrolyte solution— and helps you take them, even going far as to fetching a straw for you
holds your hair back when you need to puke, if you have short hair— he’ll make sure to remove everything that’s obstructing your way
carries you back to bed, since you can’t walk without being nauseous. but, if you want to stay in the bathroom, he doesn’t mind
he’ll just bring pillows and blankets to the bathroom. an easy fix!
the class notices that shouto’s been in and out throughout the entire day, and they secretly wonder if he’s a part time nurse 💀
shouto disagrees, saying he’s just caring for his sick s/o, and wishes everything for them to be well again (which makes all of them aww)
bonus : bakugou throws a specific broth recipe at shouto, when shouto came to him for a recipe (since you were feeling a bit better, thanks to him)
the blond stating that “if you’re gonna give them broth, make sure you don’t fucking food poison them again. i won’t be responsible if that idiot doesn’t come to school for a month.”
Tumblr media
shinsou hitoshi
frowns when he sees that you’re not present at homeroom— let alone when you don’t give him a heads up on your absence.
he doesn’t think too much of it at first, thinking that he’d just visit you during lunch
oh, and speaking of lunch— there was a sudden wave of UA students that contracted food poisoning / stomach viruses, after a substitute cook cooked for yesterday’s lunch
and because of that thought, it suddenly dawned onto him that you might be sick too
when the second period ends, hitoshi excuses himself to the bathroom, and RUNS to the dorms— absolutely worried for you
when he goes to your dorm, his suspicions were proven to be correct.
looking ill is an understatement, you’re half dressed in your uniform, and completely passed out on the floor— skin slick with sweat
“Y/N?” he calls out, absolutely concerned — which is given, considering your state at the moment
“are you sick? what happened?” he nudges you awake, not exactly sure of the severity of your state.
and when you’re awoken from your sleep, you bolt to the bathroom— falling onto the bathroom floor as you throw up
hitoshi stands near the door way, slightly wincing at your gagging— his heart clenches at the sight of your pain
hitoshi, finally deciding to do something, approaches you “it’s okay,” he comforts, his gentle hands brush against your back
and it feels like a while before it finally stops, and he grabs some tissues when you flush the toilet
“on a scale of 1-10, how sick do you feel?”
“12.”
alarmed by your answer, he momentarily leaves to fetch you some water— going as fast as he could
he comes back, and helps you drink water— and he figures that he should help you get into something more comfortable
of course, his thought process is cut off when you start feeling nauseous again— and the idea of brainwashing the pain away comes into his mind
but of course, it doesn’t work that way. because the sickness would come back if he switched off his quirk
after helping you into comfier clothes, this is when he decides to get recovery girl (who has been busy, considering the wave of sick students that were ill)
who, luckily— managed to make some time for you, which he will be grateful for.
will wipe the remains of your throw up off your mouth, the idea of it being gross doesn’t bother him in the slightest
and he’ll clean your mess if you accidentally get some on the floor— yeah. man doesn’t care at all
though he can’t brainwash the pain away, he will brainwash you to sleep, or take the electrolytes prescribed to you if you hate the taste
hitoshi didn’t care that he had aizawa questioning his whereabouts during the second period, since he was doing everything to make you feel better
and he most definitely didn’t mind babying you so,, he’s less than peeved
when you do feel better, he will tease you about how you were relying on him the entire time.
but the insomniac here would do it again in a heartbeat <3
Tumblr media
401 notes · View notes
xiaojusaur · 4 years ago
Text
7 Minutes in Heaven
Tumblr media
Pairing: Friends to Lovers! Hendery x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Comedy
Warnings: car sex, fingering, squirting, dirty talking, multiple orgasms, mentions of masturbation, mentions of alcohol consumption.
Word Count: 6K
Description: Hendery was the new guy in class who didn’t know how to talk English well, that’s how you first start talking and then became good friends. You had a crush on him, but he didn’t know. Everything changed at a frat party; you shouldn’t have played 7 minutes in heaven with your friend.
Tumblr media
You were accustomed to arrive early to the classroom because there was a certain desk you liked, plus you didn’t like being either too close or too far to the professor. Sometimes you really didn’t feel like paying attention, and today was one of those days.
On the way, you met with your best friend, but you couldn’t enroll in the same classes this semester, so she had to leave quickly.
When you got to the classroom, there was a new face and he was sitting on your favorite place. The shock froze you in place, he hadn’t noticed you were there as he was writing something down on his notebook and his dark mane was covering his face.
You decided to be nice and just sit on the desk on his left. When he was aware of your presence, he turned his head to you, your eyes meeting when you raised your glance. You smiled and he smiled back. He was cute. You both kept quiet until the rest of the classmates and the professor arrived.
“Class! We have a new student with us! Hendery, please say hello!” Your professor introduced the new guy to your right. He waved shyly. “Please be patient with him, he doesn’t know much English. He came all the way from Macau. If you guys see him struggling, please give him a hand,” your professor continued.
So that’s why he was so silent! He seemed so nice and you having a lot of empathy, could feel he was feeling anxious. It must’ve been hard not being able to communicate well.
The class continued and you were distracted with the fact that maybe Hendery couldn’t understand well what was being discussed. He looked so focused, you didn’t dare to interrupt him because maybe he was trying to do his best. So you waited for the class to be over and when he was about to leave, you stopped him.
“Hey, wait a minute!” You whisper-shouted.
He turned around and his face seemed to light up.
“Are you okay? Did you understand the class?” You asked him.
“Yeah, I tried my best,” he shrugged and then giggled.
You giggled with him and then said, “If you ever need help to understand something, just ask me, okay?”
“Alright! Thank you!” He seemed genuinely happy that you were willing to help him.
“Do you know anyone around?” you didn’t want him to be alone.
“Yeah, I have a friend. I will meet him now to get lunch,” he explained.
“That’s good!” You nodded.
“Do you want to join us?” He asked you.
“That’s alright! I’ll meet with my best friend too,” you answered.
“Oh okay, see you later then,” he was about to leave when he remembered he didn’t know your name. “Oh! Wait! What’s your name?”
“Y/N,” you smiled to him one last time before he nodded and left.
The months went on like that. Hendery occasionally came for help, he liked teaming up with your for group projects, and he even invited you to lunch a few times. You liked spending time together and slowly, he merged into your group of friends, bringing his group of friends also.
His English got better and better, he was almost and expert, even though he had a cute accent.
You found yourself having a huge crush on him, but you swore you would never tell him. For you, he was way out of your league, you weren’t his type, and you didn’t even know about his language, though he had tried several times to teach you some words and expressions.
“Hey!” He arrived to your apartment without notice to find you curled up in your sofa watching a movie.
“Hi! What’s up?” You said while checking your phone to see if he had texted you, finding an empty screen.
“So, tonight’s there’s this frat party from the frat house Yangyang is in, do you maybe wanna go?” He then smiled widely, trying to convince you.
“I don’t know... I’m not in the mood for partying today,” you replied while cuddling the cushion.
“Come onnn!” He flopped by your side on the couch, “Lyndsey is gonna be there! She’s gonna stalk me the whole night!” He groaned.
“Well, that’s your own fault! You dicked her down and she got addicted,” you shrugged, laughing at him later.
“Hey! I was in need!” He explained unnecessarily.
“You guys can’t last a week without pussy, that’s sad, you know,” you were mocking him.
“It’s in our nature, what can we do? Plus, how long has it been since you got laid?” He was smirking, trying to make fun of you.
“Shut up,” you pushed him playfully.
“So come on!!!! Let’s go to the frat party!” He started shaking you by the arm.
“Alright! Alright! Ugh! You’re so annoying!” You jumped to your feet and went to your room to change, your quick choice being a pair of jeans, a turtleneck shirt, a bomber college jacket, and some sneakers. You texted your best friend.
Hey! Are you going to that frat party?
Idk... are you?
Dery is making me go. Something about Lyndsey and stuff
Sucks. I can accompany you
Please! It’s possible he finds someone else and leaves me alone there surrounded by strangers
Fine, I’ll throw something on and see you there.
You got out of your room and Hendery was there, laying back on the couch while watching the TV. He looked so cute. You couldn’t believe you had a crush on him and he hadn’t noticed.
“We’re ready to go,” you announced and he looked at you from head to toe and back up. He catcalled you as a joke, “Look at my bestie gooo! She’s gonna seduce some men!”
You rolled your eyes and said, “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
“Fine, let’s go!”
At the party, you met with your best friend while Hendery went with his friends. Everyone was wilding, playing beer pong, dancing, drinking, making out on the corners.
You stayed by your friend’s side, dancing and drinking. Hendery found you in the crowd and started dancing with you too, after all, you were that comfortable with each other. He grabbed your hips and was grinding on you while you followed his hips. When the song finished he said he was gonna get more alcohol while you ran to your best friend again.
“Are you not gonna tell him ever?” She asked you, talking about your huge crush in Hendery.
“I don’t think I will. I mean, we’re okay as we are,” you shrugged. You didn’t want to lose his friendship and you thought that if you told him, everything would turn awkward, so you just decided to keep it to yourself.
As the night went by, people started to get sleepy, some passing out on the couches, others disappeared who knows where. Only a few were still alive and among them were Hendery, your friend, the infamous Lyndsey, and you. Someone had the bright idea of playing 7 minutes in heaven just for the sake of relieving high school memories, so you all sat on the floor in circle. Some random guy looked for an empty bottle that would choose the lucky couples. You were sitting across Hendery, who looked spaced out, probably drunk already and being stalked by Lyndsey. The poor girl’s eyes were shining with high hopes of getting a chance to be alone with Dery again. You were mocking him and he was acting annoyed.
As the game progressed, many random couples got to be locked in the darkness of the closet. Your friend matched with the very hot Jaehyun guy from English class but she didn’t spill anything. While you were teasing her, you heard Hendery’s name along with some noise by his friends. You were about to start mocking him too when you noticed the bottle was pointing at you.
You swear your surroundings froze in time. Your friend’s eyes widened because she knew how you felt. Hendery tho, was excited because after all, it was you and he wouldn’t feel so awkward.
“Aren’t you going?” Said the guy who had the control of spinning the bottle, Lyndsey looked at you and then to Hendery, expecting you to not go. Hendery actually helped you to stand up and basically dragged you into the closet with him. Before locking the door, the guy with the timer said, “Whatever you do, you have 7 minutes. Nothing more,” and with that, he left you two alone in the darkness of the closet.
You were holding into Hendery’s arms, maybe to know he was there, maybe as a support, or perhaps because you wanted to feel him close.
“Well, at least I’m saved from Lyndsey,” he laughed nervously.
“Yup, once again, I am your savior,” you remarked.
Being alone with Hendery wasn’t awkward usually, but there was some weird tension going on in the tiny space of the closet.
“What should we do?” He asked in a whisper, the air emitting from his lips blowing you right on the face because he was too close.
“I don’t know... talk? We’re friends, this isn’t weird,” you tried to convince yourself.
“I mean... yeah...”
“These had been the longest seven minutes of my life,” you stated.
“Let’s kiss, maybe that would make it less awkward and the time will go faster,” Hendery suggested and you swear the butterflies in your stomach made a tornado.
“You think kissing between friends is less awkward?” You asked confused.
“Well yeah, I mean, we’re friends. It shouldn’t be weird, it’s only a kiss,” he said, ignorant of your feelings for him.
“Okay then,” you agreed, “but let’s not allow this to make us awkward after, alright?”
“Promise,” he gave you his pinky to hook with yours.
In less than a second, his lips crashed on yours. You thought it was just gonna be a peck, but then he started moving his lips, and automatically, yours responded. His tongue darted between your lips, looking for yours to tangle with. Your arms snaked around his neck, while his wrapped around your waist, bringing you even more closer. Having him like this sparked the feeling inside you more: you were in love with this guy without remedy.
When you two were getting comfortable with it, you heard the alarm outside, indicating time was up. You detangled from each other, fixing your hair and your clothes to make it seem that nothing had happened. Everyone knew you two were best friends and to give the tiniest hint that you had done anything in there would be enough for your group of friends to start teasing you. When the door opened, you went on with your normal friendship and acted as if you haven’t kissed passionately a few minutes ago.
You were too overwhelmed, so you decided to leave with your friend. Hendery stayed. He was probably gonna crash in with the boys.
On the way back, your friend was telling you about her experience with Jaehyun, and then she remembered your time with Hendery.
“Did anything happen in there? You two looked pretty normal to me,” she inquired.
“Well... we kissed,” you shrugged.
“I knew it -wait what?!” She was shocked! “You kissed? As in a peck or-?”
“As in full tongue,” you nodded.
“Oh my God...... how do you feel?” She was concerned now.
“Like I’m in love... I feel like as soon as his lips touched mine, I was done, I completely fell in love with him,” you confessed.
“Oh no.... what you gonna do now?” She asked.
“Try to not be awkward and act as if it was nothing. Friends can kiss right?” You fake-smiled.
“No they cannot! Friends with benefits do... but I don’t think you’re there yet,” she scratched her neck.
“I’m fucked aren’t I?”
“Very...”
You tried avoiding Hendery until you felt better and collected your thoughts, but that was kinda impossible since he was everywhere and he looked for you everyday. So you did your best to not looked like you were having a turmoil of feelings every time you saw his stupid, beautiful face.
There you were, having lunch all together. He was talking about how he wanted to talk to a cute girl who was a few tables away. Your friend placed her hand on top of yours in silent support.
Honestly, you didn’t know what was up with you. He usually talked to you about his affairs with other females and you weren’t this affected, but today you were bothered by it. While his friends celebrated that he was going to get her number, you stood up and left with the excuse of having to study because of a test. Your friend followed you.
“I think you need to talk to him,” she suggested.
“I don’t know. I feel is going to be useless,” you grunted.
“Y/N, it has gotten to a point where you’re always fuming. He will start noticing your behavior soon if you keep this up, so my advice is that you two sit down and talk this out,” she stepped in front of you.
“There’s nothing to talk about! He doesn’t feel the same way I do. I’m the one trying to ruin our friendship,” you said as you threw your hands in the air in frustration.
“First of all, you don’t know that. Second of all, if you keep bottling it, you’re gonna explode and it’s going to be worse. And that’s not ruining a friendship, it’s only natural you like him. You spend time together, he knows you well, he brings you snacks...” Your friend was trying to talk reason back to you.
You whined, “But how am I supposed to tell him? I can’t just sit him down and tell him, ‘Listen, I have this huge crush on you, please love me back’, he’s a guy, he won’t understand.”
“Well, if he feels the same way he WILL understand,” she said matter-of-factly.
“That isn’t helping! Ughhh! I need to plan something... something that looks casual but it’s the right moment, you know what I mean?”
“How about... how about you invite him to watch a movie? That’s something you guys do often, right?” She suggested and you nodded. “You watch a movie, you have your snacks, you cuddle as you always do, and then you tell him. What do you think?” She wiggled her eyebrows and you laughed.
You gasped, “How do you know we cuddle? Are you spying on me?!”
“Come on, let’s be realistic. You two look like cuddly people,” she rolled her eyes.
“Yeah true... your plan sounds good. Imma try it. You’re the best! I don’t know how my life would be without you,” you embraced your friend in gratitude.
At night, you texted Hendery to start with your plan:
Hey, dumbhead
Sup, headache
Do you have plans on Friday night?
Not yet, 为什么?(weishenme - Why)
Why are you texting me in Chinese?! You know I don’t understand! I mean, I’m deducing that means why.
🤪🤪🤪
Anyways! What do you think if we watch that new movie on Netflix?
Sure, I’ll bring snacks
Kay
好!
Now that you had everything planned, you started thinking about what to say and how to say it. You couldn’t just shoot it.
A few hours later, when you were about to go to sleep, you received another text from Hendery. It said it had an image attached. It was strange but you decided to open it. And then regretted it.
Hendery had sent you a spicy picture. It wasn’t a nude but it was pretty suggestive. He was holding his member over his pants, as if to show how big he is without actually showing. Almost a dick pic.
You panicked, you were sure that wasn’t for you. A sudden jealousy took over you because, why was he sending these pics to someone else? But also, your friend-self told you to keep calm and let him know.
Wrong number! Dumbass! Look at the number before sending these kind of things!
He didn’t answer for a while, but then he appeared
I’m sorry!!! Oh God! I’m so embarrassed!
It’s all good. At least you’re not showing anything. My eyes aren’t bleeding yet!
I’m really sorry!
It’s okay! We’re friends...
And you left him with that.
Friday arrived and you were nervous already, waiting for Hendery in your apartment. Around 8PM he knocked on your door and you yelled “Come in!” Too lazy to get up from the couch. He looked comfy but so sexy at the same time.
Hendery brought a lot of snacks and placed them on the low table.
“I brought your favorites and mines, to fix your day!” He said excitedly.
You smiled and replied, “Thanks! I really appreciate it.”
“Let’s get to it!” He yelled and you shushed him laughing, he was so noisy and your neighbors would complain.
You were cuddled up with each other while watching the movie. You were leaning on his chest while he played with your hair with one hand and ate popcorn with the other. You felt his eyes on you, so you looked up and your eyes met. He smiled to you and you smiled back. You didn’t know if it was your imagination but you felt he was getting closer to your mouth. In your panic you didn’t move and opted to let it happen, maybe this was a sign that he liked you back. But then, his lips never touched yours and only centimeters away he said, “Haha, gotcha,” with a groggy voice.
You got angry and couldn’t conceal it anymore. So you got off the couch as quickly as possible.
“What’s wrong?” He asked confused.
The ticking bomb inside you snapped.
“What’s wrong?! You dare to ask me what’s wrong?! Hendery! You just pretended you were going to kiss me and then told me it was a joke!”
“Hey! Calm down! I thought it would be funny! Since you know, we kissed in the game as a joke” His eyes widening in concern.
“So the kiss was a joke to you?” You said crossing your arms tightly.
“I thought it was just a game, it didn’t mean anything,” he explained.
“It did to me!” You blurted, your mouth talking before you could think straight.
He froze and gulped, “What?”
“Nothing,” you turned around and walked to the kitchen.
“Y/N!” He walked behind you, “talk to me! You’re acting really strange lately. You’ve been avoiding me, you get angry about everything... what is wrong? What changed?”
You leaned on the counter, trying to find the correct words. “What changed is...” you gulped and then continued, “My feelings for you, Hendery. That changed.”
He was so puzzled. “I don’t understand...”
“Hendery, I’m in love with you,” you confessed, feeling a relief within you.
You looked at him, his eyes were alarmed, not quite the reaction you were expecting. “I- I- I don’t know what to say...” he stuttered.
“You don’t have to say anything, Hendery...” you muttered.
“I- I’ll be right back...” he walked slowly to the door and left without his things. He didn’t come back.
“Great Y/N, great! You just ruined your friendship,” you said to yourself, running your hands through your hair.
You cleaned your apartment and curled up in your bed, regretting everything you just did.
You two didn’t talk for a week straight, not daring to approach each other. Hendery went to Xiaojun for help because he felt he was losing you and he didn’t want that, but he felt bad for leaving you hanging that night. You were expecting an answer from him, but at that time, he didn’t think you were going to say what you said.
“This is simple, Hendery,” said Xiaojun while cooking something. “How do you feel about her?”
“I don’t know!!!” He whined, pulling his long strands of hair.
“I think you do know, you just don’t want to accept it,” Xiaojun chuckled. “You can be honest with me, you know.”
“Ughhh! Okay,” Hendery groaned. “I think I’m pretty accustomed to her as my best friend that I didn’t think I could actually like her. But now thinking about it well, I feel like my best self when I’m around her. I can be myself and she won’t judge me, she follows my weird behavior, she shares snacks with me...”
“Let me change the question a little bit,” Xiaojun interrupted, “the day of the party, how did you feel when you kissed?”
After thinking about it a little, Hendery answered, “I wanted to keep kissing her. I felt so comfortable in her arms. She’s a great kisser btw,” he drifted away.
“Focus!” Xiaojun yelled.
“Okay, okay! I don’t know, I feel like I would be able to tell if I see her again... but I don’t know how to go back to her,” he sighed.
“How about you do a non-date date, something simple like going for a late night drive,” Xiaojun suggested.
“You’re a genius!” Hendery exclaimed.
“I’m a romantic, which is different,” he pointed out.
It was 12AM on a Friday and you we’re already cuddled in your bed when there was a knock on your door. You threw a hoodie on, to not wear a bra just in case, and went to see who was it.
You felt like the air was punched out of you when you opened the door and saw Hendery’s figure. His hair was disheveled and he was wearing a cream-colored shirt, black joggers, and his glasses: the best look on him. “Hendery...” you said softly.
“Um... hi!” He smiled awkwardly, making him look so cute to you. “Listen, I know we haven’t talked this whole week and I didn’t have the best response to what you said and I’m sorry about that,” he was talking too fast.
“Hey... it’s okay,” you patted him on the arm. “You want to come in?”
“Actually, I came here for you. Do you want to go for a late night drive?” He was swinging, looking pretty nervous.
You sighed, “Do I have to change?”
“Not really, I mean, look at me,” he extended his arms and turned around. You giggled.
“Fine, let me get my shoes,” you ran to your room and put on the first sneakers you found and you both got in his car.
He was just driving around town, both of you being the old friends you were, singing loudly to the songs on the radio, laughing out loud, and watching the neon lights of the places that were open. He got down on a station to buy snacks for both and then kept going.
You ended up on a lonely hill with a view to the city lights. Sitting on the front of his car, you listened to Hendery talked about his life in Macau and what he missed. Then you were playing, trying to guess where were the places among the tiny lights at sight. Like magnets, you cuddled against each other without noticing; the night was getting cold after all. In the chit-chat, the clock marked 3AM. You got in the car again but Hendery didn’t started the car, instead he talked.
“Y/N... I’ve been thinking about what you told me.” There was a long silence between you two, so he continued, “I like the version of me when I’m with you. It’s so easy to not think about what to do or what to say, I can just speak my mind. I really appreciate you.”
“Same here, Dery,” you placed your hand on top of his, which was on his thigh.
“Im sorry for making you feel bad. I really didn’t think straight, I was in utter shock,” he apologized.
“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have said that the way I did,” you accepted.
“So no hard feelings?” He asked, looking at you now.
“No hard feelings,” you smiled.
But then the air changed between you two. A force was drawing you together and neither of you stopped it. Your lips touched, sparking the flame inside you again. And like that, Hendery knew he loved you too, because the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t stop dancing. His hand traveled to the back of your head, holding you softly. He pulled back first, mumbling, “I’m sorry, is this okay?”
“Only if it’s okay with you,” you whispered.
“I love you,” he muttered before kissing you again, this time deepening the kiss. Your arms quickly wrapped around his neck, bringing him closer. It turned to a passionate make out session and you were gasping for air. You smiled because you were kissing your best friend and Hendery smiled because you looked so cute.
“Should we take this to the backseat?” He suggested with a groggy voice.
“Here? Right now? Really?” You joked.
“I’m sorry! I’m desperate for you,” he shrugged. He jumped first, to lean the seat back for more space. Conveniently he had some sheets there. Then he beckoned you with his hands, inviting you to jump with him. You did as told but your foot got stuck on the front seat so you landed flat over him. You both started laughing at your disgrace but then started kissing wildly again.
He rolled over so you were under him. He fitted perfectly between your legs, as if you were made for him. Quickly, clothes started to be bothersome and he took off your hoodie. Then, Hendery’s hands ran underneath your shirt, reaching your breasts. He squeezed them and then started playing with your hardened nipples, rolling them between his fingers. Soon enough, he asked you, “Can I take this off?” Pulling your shirt. You simply responded, “Please.” He also took off his, revealing his beautiful body and threw both of your shirts to the front seat. One of his hands ran down your body, feeling all of you while he enjoyed your lips. You sighed in satisfaction, feeling yourself getting wetter with every touch and each kiss.
Hendery knew when to start touching you and he asked for your consent, “Can I touch you?”
“Please Dery, I’m so wet already,” you said in a needy whisper.
He groaned in response, his fingers not loosing time in snaking inside your shorts. First he touched you over your underwear and then he slipped inside your panties, finding your clit easily. “Oh my god,” you said in a breathy murmur.
“Fuck... you’re so wet,” he hissed. He took out his hand to pull down your pants and underwear, all in one go, helping you shimmy out of them. After all, none of this was being awkward between you, you felt comfortable with each other. Once he had you all at his mercy, he kissed your neck, his mouth going down and down while his hand went to your south. His lips enclosed your nipple at the same time his fingers got between your folds. God! He was so skilled! Your hand played with his hair while his did unholy thing to you.
He sticked his middle finger in you, going in and out, then he added his ring finger and started moving them fast and deep inside, making you whine. “Fuuuuck! Dery! Feels so good!”
He let go of your nipple with a pop, “You like my fingers, baby? Yeah?” His voice was lower than usual and breathier, it had your head spinning.
“Ooh! Yeah, I love them,” you cried and kissed him. You could hear the squelching sound coming from between your legs. You couldn’t believe Hendery was the one making a mess of you.
You felt your orgasm bubbling inside you, “Hendery I’m gonna cum,” you said in a high-pitched whimper.
“You wanna cum on my fingers? Do you like them that much?” He panted.
“Mmmm! Yes!” You moaned.
“Come on, baby, let go,” he commanded you and started thrusting his fingers faster.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you said in a shattered chant and then you felt the delicious tingles all over your body, your eyes rolled back, and your back arched. Something unusual happened this time: strands of water gushed out of you and your legs started to shake. You cried loudly loosing all control of your body. Hendery was amazed of what he just did, “Shit! So hot!”
You, on the other hand, were embarrassed. “Oh god... I’m so sorry...” you hid on the crook of his neck.
“It’s okay, that was so hot! I’ve never achieved that. Did you know you could do that?” He caressed your hair in assurance.
“No... it’s the first time that happens...” you whined in embarrassment.
“Baby, it’s okay,” he chuckled, “wanna know something? I’m harder now.”
“Deryyy!” You gasped.
“Can you take it?” He hummed.
“I can take all of you,” you smirked.
“So naughty, I like it,” he pecked your lips and proceeded to kneel in front of you, all bended to avoid smashing his head with the hood. He slipped his pants off easily, along with his briefs, his hardened cock springing free. Your mouth watered at the sight, the tip so pink, shinning with wetness, all ready to take you.
You opened your legs, inviting him, you couldn’t wait for him to be inside you.
He hissed when seeing your still wet core, “Fuck, I could’ve beat that long time ago,” to which you laughed. “Well, you decided to keep boundaries.”
“You’re my best friend, wasn’t it going to be weird?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Maybe?” You shrugged.
“I’m a man, you know. I’m weak. Do you think I didn’t wish to rearrange your insides some of those nights where we cuddled in your couch? It took the best of me to calm this little guy,” he grabbed his length. You burst out laughing.
“Are we really having this conversation when you’re about to wreck me?” You rolled your eyes.
“You started it!” He complaint.
“Oh, shut up and fuck me,” you taunted.
“Condom or no condom?” He asked.
“Wrap your weiner, I don’t know where you have sticked that thing in,” you commanded him.
“I’m clean! I always protect myself, who do you take me for?! I offered myself since I trust you as my best friend, but okay. And don’t call him a thing! He has a name!” he sounded so offended.
“Oh my god! Don’t take it personal! Maybe in the future I’ll let you fuck me raw,” you winked, “but for now, let’s do it this way.”
“Alright,” he said as he looked for his wallet in the pocket of the pants he just discarded. Finding the tiny foil square was fast and he was even faster rolling it down his shaft.
“Come here,” he pulled you closer by your legs, making you laugh. This whole adventure had been a fun ride for both of you.
He kissed you passionately again, one of his hands ran to your leg, bending it a little to have better access to your entrance. He then hold his length, rubbing the tip up and down your pussy, teasing you, making you bite your lip. You were shaking in anticipation.
He pushed himself in slowly, both of you moaning. “Mmm, 操! (cào - Fuck), you’re so tight for me, baby,” his said in a shaky whisper.
He went as deep as he could, making you feel so full. “Hendery,” you breathed, “I feel so full.”
“Yes baby, I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he assured you in hoarse groan.
He kept thrusting you slowly, passionately, enjoying every inch of you. The car was full of shaky breaths, low moans, occasional grunts, and the sound of kisses. Never in your life you thought you would share such an intimate moment with Hendery, but you were loving every second of it.
“Can I go faster?” He asked softly.
“Yes please,” you pleaded.
Hendery caged you in his arms and started snapping his hips faster. His lips whispered filthy praises in your ear, adding up to your want for him, “So good, your cunt feels so warm baby, wanna fill you up with my cum. Do you want that? Yeah? Mmmm... Making love to you feels so nice. I love you, I love you, I love you. This is the only pussy I wanna fuck for the rest of my life.”
Your hands hugged him back, running all his back, tangling in his hair, he had you crazy for him with every word. If you weren’t out of breath, you replied to his words with moans and mewls. “Mmmf! Hendery! Fuck! I love you so fucking much! Please keep fucking me, it feels so good!”
A few minutes later he panted, “I’m gonna cum.” He tried to go faster and he drove his hand south, finding your bundle of nerves skillfully. He was drawing circles while pummeling into you fast, making your second orgasm arrive with force, tightening around him. A sharp scream left your throat and you hugged him tightly. Hendery came with a guttural growl, “Ughhh! So good!” You could feel him pumping in you while he filled the condom.
When you both could breathe again, he embraced you and peppered you with kisses, making you giggle. “How are you feeling, my love?” He smiled.
“I like the sound of that coming from your lips,” you cuddled with him. He sighed, satisfied with the thought that you were his and he was yours.
“Then I will call you that all day just to see you happy,” he kissed you on the forehead.
“You’re my happiness,” you purred.
“I love you, I really do,” he confessed.
“I love you too, Dery,” you raised your head to kiss his lips.
“Do I need to pop the question or are we clear?” He joked.
“Imma torture you and make it pop it,” you chuckled beaten.
“Would you be my girlfriend?” He asked confidently.
“I’d love to,” you replied.
After a moment of silence, Hendery suggested, “Up for round two?”
“Oh my god, you’ll be the death of me if your sex drive is this high,” you sighed.
“My sex drive with you will always be high. Imagine having to hide your boner for so many years and then finally getting the pussy of your dreams?” He was such a character.
“Stop!! That is not true” you shoved him with your elbow.
“Not true?! Do you wanna know how many times I masturbated after arriving home from our movie nights?!” He could be brutally honest sometimes.
“You masturbate?” You wanted to see him snap.
“Listen, Y/N, if I didn’t, my dick would’ve fallen off by now because holy fuck! I wanted to rail you so bad!”
You just exploded in laughs. He really was the man you loved.
“How many rounds can you make?” You asked him.
“I have a whole box of condoms to use with you. You decide,” he shrugged.
“So that’s 3?” You jeered.
“Very funny,” he said sarcastically.
The car kept rocking, the windows were fogged and Hendery almost could last till dawn making love to you. The rest of the night became an orgasm feast for you two.
You fell asleep, beaten thanks to the activities. When you woke up, the sky was painted in pastel colors, announcing dawn. You were wrapped under the sheets, naked with Hendery, on the back of his car.
You looked at him, he looked so cute sleeping soundlessly, you didn’t want to wake him up, but the sun was about to rise and you were away from the city.
“Baby,” you whispered softly.
“Hmm?” He hummed, as if asking what was wrong.
“Baby, I’m cold and the sun is rising,” you explained.
“Mmm... really?” His sleepy voice was making your head spin.
“Yes my love, we should go home. We can continue sleeping at my apartment if you want,” you suggested.
He yawned, “but then I’ll have to make love to you again because I want to be like this with you.”
You giggled, he was so cute talking while sleepy. You kissed his cheek. “We can just get naked and sleep.”
“It’s not the same,” he groaned. Hendery sat and stretched, then, he passed you your clothes.
You guys bought breakfast on the way home, you ate it and then went back to sleep. You spent the majority of the day in bed watching series, glad that you belonged to each other now.
383 notes · View notes
yoshkeii · 4 years ago
Text
"𝙰 𝚜𝚑𝚢 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚑"
Tumblr media Tumblr media
࿐ character(s): Ushijima Wakatoshi, Daichi Sawamura, Kuroo Tetsurou
࿐ genre: sfw, soft/fluff, comfort, tiny angst if you squint
࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)? / imagine
࿐ requested by: @dumpsterfireinc 
⌦  shymale!reader (he/him)
⌦ ‘if I can request comfort hcs for Ushijima, Daichi, Kuroo, and Oikawa who have a crush on as shy male!reader who thinks the boys should be with a girl and not him.’
A/N: i had to drop oikawa on this one since i cant seem to get his personality out?? i- uh-. i apologize- also my way of writing hcs is weird? idk why i like writing like that, but eventually they’ll shift- somehow- (i’ll probably make a proper hcs post if you want-)
1-16-2021: sorry in advanced if this took waaay to long. im doubting my writings. kinda shit but im just burnt out.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
𝚄𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚓𝚒𝚖𝚊:
❀ Ushijima had a crush on you. of course he would, someone so soft, gentle, and shy. he actually found it cute you having those aspects. even though not a lot of people would enjoy such an introverted person at times.
❀ being shy would fit well together with his own personality generally. like being stoic and quiet himself. at some points he genuinely thought you and him were perfect. just two puzzle pieces that could fit together.
❀ he doesn’t know when he had a crush on you till Tendou or someone would bring it up. cause he always somehow had his eyes on you in the halls, classes, etc. 
❀ adding on to his personality, he is very blunt and straightforward with his words. and when you heard those three words from the intimidating captain. made your heart skip a beat, muscles tense, and mind race.
❀ “..y-you.. like me??” the softened tone in your voice echoed within the empty afterschool halls.
❀ “Yes. I just stated that.”
❀ “..I heard you.. you dummy..” you muttered the last words softly. fiddling with your fingers nervously, he always found you fidgeting with something whenever you were nervous or put on the spot. your gaze kept low.
❀ the silence only just settled. making Ushijima await another word from your smaller figure.
❀ but he didn’t expect those words to slip out of your mouth. he never did.
❀ “Why.. Why would you want to be with me.. instead.” your voice still kept your softened tone, but it had a faint hint of sadness. the slight wavering of your voice gave way.
❀ “..isn’t it better to be.. with a girl instead? t-they’re better options. pretty. talented. i-i don’t.. have any of those.”
❀ Ushijima just stared, unsure on what to do. no one told him this would be a scenario or a possibility. thought it was simply just a yes or no to a confession, something quick.
❀ “You also won’t l-look.. weird.. o-odd.. with-” your voice cracked, tears gathered in your eyes. quickly wiping them away with a sniff.
❀ “F-fuck I’m sorry.. for c-crying..” softly cursing as you nervously laughed.
❀ “y/n,” Ushijima lifted your head gently with his hand making sure your eyes looked up at him, “..I don’t care, if people will look at us weirdly. I don’t care if they all knew or not.”
❀ he wiped the tears dripping from your eyes as you stared at him with disbelief.
❀ “I like you. No- I love you. That’s that. I love y/n, and nothing will stop that.”
❀ shortly, tears poured from your eyes from his words. softly murmuring apologizes for crying over this accompanied w/ a smile on your face. Ushijima just wiping your tears away for you, seeing how your face just melts in his hand in comfort. regaining composure after a couple of reassurances from him.
❀ “I-I.. I love you.. t-too.. Wakatoshi..” 
Tumblr media
𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚒:
❀ mans had a big crush on you ever since you both had multiple shared classes. especially same homeroom.
❀ Daichi and you had an decent relationship, it wasn’t as close like he has with Sugawara or Asahi. having the same homeroom, he always found you alone and minding your own business a desk or two behind him in the back.
❀ sometimes exchanging the simple hellos and small talk whenever Suga and/or Asahi dared him to. knowing how his eyes occasionally drifts towards your direction of the room.
❀ for someone so quiet.. he didn’t know it could be a cute feature. an adorable one if he would say so himself. just seems too s o f t .
❀ your gentle voice always made his heart skip a beat, it was so calming. a remedy to his ears. after a few small talks and interactions, you both managed to hang out a little more often. being invited on study dates sessions since you were also pretty smart in the academics (brownie points!) 
❀ as of right now, his eyes were simply glued on you. just watching you talk about whatever subject. he really wasn’t paying attention... or at all. admiring your features from across the small table on the floor that was littered with notebooks, textbooks, papers and pens.
❀ he knew you were shy so he often kept things low and safe for you whenever you both hung out once in awhile. sometimes exchanging little sticky notes with each other to limit talking.
❀ once he confessed to you, through the last sticky note of his. not a manly way to really confess but he couldn’t figure anything else out for you. didnt want to scare you away.
❀ you stared up at the captain in slight doubt, going back to the note to reread the words written. ‘would you like to go out with me?’ tiny hearts here and there on the note.
❀ looking back up at him, you noticed the slight blush across his face. you realized he was serious.
❀ “..why would you want to go out with me?” your grip on the note slightly tightened, as thoughts began to flood your mind. “wouldn’t it be better- be better with a girl?? a-and.. not me.” you began to slip on your words, gaze slipping down to avoid his eyes as you noticed him looking up at you now.
❀ “..with.. a girl?” Daichi mustered out.
❀ “or.. anyone but... me. I’m not.. popular. I’m not.. p-pretty, c-cute.. handsome.. s-smart either...”  you began to ramble, negative thoughts after another.
❀ “H-hey y/n. y/n..!” Daichi was closer to you now, his hands on your shoulders hoping to get you out of your negative trance.
❀ it successfully worked, making you stop but your gaze still remain low. hearing a sigh from Daichi made you tensed, you liked him too. you loved him. but you don’t know if it was best for him to date you. or be in a relationship in that matter.
❀ Daichi wrapped his arms around you, “Don’t be so harsh to yourself. I denied most of the confessions... j-just.. to ask you out one day you know. I’m confident I want you more than any girl.” he muttered.
❀ noticing you relaxing in his arms made him slightly smile, feeling you hug back. your hands grasping the back of his gakuran, mustering the urge to cry you hid your face on his shoulders. eventually muffling out your soft sobs and various ‘i love you too’
Tumblr media
𝙺𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚘:
𝚊/𝚗: 𝚐𝚘𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚒𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚎 𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐.
❀ it was obvious Kuroo was crushing on someone. and that someone was you. being one of the assistances, or at this point the team would’ve eventually called you their manager. often there to aid and help whenever needed so you stumbled by the gym many times to either drop something off for one of the members or coaches.
❀ always teasing and flirting with you, which wasn’t such an out-of-character of him. knowing him to be the master of provocation. but often when you weren’t there, he would start talking about you. unconsciously sometimes.
❀ which gave a big sign of his feelings, especially through Kenma. it wasn’t so hard to see, but you were dense and oblivious over it.
❀ he knew you liked him back eventually, seeing how you haven’t turned him down with any of his teases accompanied with the slight blush on your face each time. you were just too shy to say anything about it.
❀ he was aware that you were very shy and introverted. always seeing you staying back or infront of crowds in the hallway and avoided them at all costs. being observant he took note of it.
❀ always managing to catch you away from people or just a little people in the area, he used that time to talk to you more privately.
❀ you both began to get to know each other pretty well each time.
❀ exchanging interests and moments you’ve had in your life. often making you giggle at his silly retorts and remarks, funny moments of his teams and others. he was genuinely seeing a new side of you.
❀ never really seeing you smile brightly and laugh without holding back. it felt surreal and a literal dream.
❀ “Hey, y/n, have you dated anyone yet?” Kuroo looked over at you, eyes staring in curiosity with his common sly smirk.
❀ “I-.. uhh.. n-not yet?” you nervously laughed, messing with the sleeve of your nekoma track jacket.
❀ “Well then.. do you have a crush?” he continued on. 
❀ “O-oh.. Ye-yeah! He probably won’t like me b-back though..” you murmured.
❀ “Wait- He!?”
❀ “H-hey,, Kuroo! Keep y-your voice down please..!!” you playfully punched his shoulder in return he faked an ‘ow’ “..b-but.. yes.. i like a guy.. h-he’s popular so i doubt he would like me b-back.” you looked up at him with a weak smile, hoping to not seemed phased by it.
❀ “Ahhh.. why’s that then.” his curious tone turned stern, tilting his head into his palm so it rested comfortably. “hmmm~?”
❀ “Oh.. w-well.. he’s popular with the girls.. a lot of them a-actually. I bet he l-likes them more than me.. girls are b-better for him anyways...”
❀ “What if they weren’t? He could be gay.. or bisexual... or pan and all that jazz y’know y/n?”
❀ “Thats true.. what about you kuroo-san?” you took a sip of water from your bottle aside of your thigh. 
❀ “I have a crush too of course. And its actually you.”
❀ you choked on the water, coughing out a reply, “w-wait you.. you like me.. me- back?!” you only looked at him with disbelief, coughing slightly still.
❀ Kuroo only laughed at your off-guard reaction, “K-kuroo!! I-it’s not funnyyy..!” you whined, covering your face with your jacket. “hhhh.. g-god damnit..”
❀ after a few moments it went silently, peeking your eyes out from your hidden position Kuroo pecked your forehead. Suddenly aside of you, entwining his hand with yours.
❀ “Of course I like you back~ I want you to be my boyfriend you softie.” 
444 notes · View notes
fukurodianthus · 4 years ago
Text
Its just skin
Tumblr media
Synopsis: Self-love is not something that comes to you naturally. Years of self-depreciation makes it difficult to grow into the habit of loving yourself despite of the scars peppered across your skin.
But with your fiancé, Tooru Oikawa, you find yourself stealing glances into mirrors quite often. It catches you by surprise when you find yourself...beautiful?
Pairing: Tooru Oikawa X fem!reader
Genres: tooth-rotting fluff , a lil bit of angst thrown in
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: The reader suffers from body positivity issues and insecurities regarding her appearance.
Author’s note at the end!
(p.s. didnt proof read because im ✨lazy✨ might do it later when im feeling cute idk)
Tumblr media
“Y/N-chan, can we leave already? We’re getting late for the party” Oikawa whined, tugging the sleeve of your shirt lightly.
“Tooru, stop being so impatient!” You pushed your whiny fiancé away and concentrated on covering up the acne scars and freckles peppered across your face with layers of concealer. No matter how much you tried, you could never make your skin look half as perfect as that of the girls who dominated your Instagram and YouTube feed. Every time you looked in the mirror, the taunting voices of your family members and friends would creep into your mind.
Oh my god! Whats wrong with your face?
Don’t you wash your face properly?
You’re never going to get married if you look like that Y/N! Do something about that face of yours!
Do you want me to recommend a good dermatologist to you?
No matter what the topic of the conversation was, people always found a way to bring up the topic of your skin condition in it. You could be talking about quantum physics for all they cared, they would somehow find a way to bring up the topic of your skin.
But they didn’t know all those sleepless nights you had spent on the internet looking for remedies, they didn’t know how you cried yourself to sleep every night, praying that you’ll somehow find that your skin had magically healed up when you woke up. But miracles didn’t happen in this world. At least for you, they didn’t.
You spent a humongous chunk of your salary buying medicines, serums, anything skincare specialists would recommend to you. But none of it could you fix you. Ultimately it all ended up in the trash and you ended up on the bathroom floor, sobbing as you looked into the mirror, face contorted with disgust and self-loathing.
But then, Oikawa Tooru stepped into your life. The first person who didn’t grimace as he looked at your face. He looked at it with childish wonder in his eyes, as if he was looking at something…beautiful?  Every night, when you fell asleep in his arms, his fingers softly grazing your cheeks, you felt an unfamiliar warmth blossom inside your heart. If he could love you despite your flaws, what was stopping you from doing it?
But years of self-depreciation made it difficult to develop the habit of loving yourself. There are still moments when you found you yourself drowning in self-hatred.
Take the present moment, for instance.
No matter how much concealer you caked on your face, it didn’t look half as good as you wanted it to. You let out a frustrated groan as you plopped down on the bed. How could you go to the party looking like this, especially when Oikawa would be by your side? Everyone’s appearance paled in comparison to his flawless beauty. Then how could you, of all people, ever stand beside him as an equal? You knew everyone would be comparing you with him behind your back, their jealousy-tinged voices emphasizing on how someone like you didn’t deserve to be with him. You’d always be an undeserving lover for him in their eyes.
“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Oikawa’s voice was laced with heavy concern. “Do you feel sick? I told you to not eat that expired candy bar last night, but you didn’t listen-”
“Tooru, its not that. I think I look very fucking ugly right now and I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. I can’t go to the party right now, not when I’m feeling like this.” You buried your face in a soft cushion and let out a frustrated groan as you turned over on the bed.
“Y/N, did you start putting yourself down again?” You felt him plopping down beside you on the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“Tooru, don’t lie to me, my skin still looks just as bad as ever.”
“You know, sometimes I wonder if astral projections are real.”
“What? Have you finally lost it?” Your widened eyes searched his face, trying to make sense of his words.
“If it was real, then I’d pull your soul out of your body make you look at your face through my eyes. Because there’s clearly something very fucking wrong with your eyes if you cannot see how damn pretty you are.” Tooru huffed, looking at you nonchalantly as if he was stating the obvious.
“Tooru-” you whimpered, turning on your side to face him.
Tooru and his horrible pickup lines.
Gosh, how can I not love him?
His chocolate-brown eyes softened as he pulled you into his chest. The sound of his heartbeat drowned all the cacophony of all the negative thoughts cluttering your mind.
“Y/N, I thought love at first sight was way too cheesy and corny to be real. But then, one day, back in high school, I saw Iwa-chan talking to you. You looked so fucking pretty, you know? The way you’d bite your lips when you were confused, the way you’d look down and let your hair cover your face whenever you were flustered, it was so damn adorable. I might have gone down on my knees right then, if Iwa-chan hadn’t been there. He’d beat the living crap out of me for playing my ‘disgusting tricks’ on his friend.” Oikawa took your hands in his and slowly drew circles on your palm with his thumb.
“Iwa wouldn’t have to beat you up, I’d do it without a second thought if you pulled any of that shit on me. I always found you very bratty, clinging to Iwa with that radioactive sweet smile of yours.”
“Wow, I was head over heels in love with you on first sight, while your first impression of me was that I’m a brat? No wonder you were Iwa-chan’s friend, you both are so mean.” He pouted, looking at you with playful annoyance.
“That was before I got to know you. Your brattiness started growing on me, gradually. Now I’m so used to it, I think I’d forget how to breathe if I didn’t hear your annoying voice every morning.” You chuckled at how his face kept getting redder with every insult that you threw at him.
“You’re used to my brattiness? Are you implying I’m still a brat?”
“Exactly. Looks like you do have a brain.”
“The most amazing setter on this planet doesn’t have a brain, is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but instead of asking me out on a date directly, you bugged Iwa to set us up on a date until he finally shouted at you in the middle of an English class, saying ‘Alright, Shittykawa, I’ll set you up on a date with Y/N, now stop running that fucking stupid mouth of yours.’ " You stole a glance at his face, savoring his flustered expression. "I’m right, am I not?”
Oikawa’s face reddened to the extent where it seemed that he would spontaneously combust at any moment.
"Tooru, c'mon, we both were emotionally constipated fools who could never ask each other out if Iwa hadn't stepped in." You softly ran your hands over his chest, savoring the warmth radiating from him. "Now stop pouting Brattykawa."
"You and Iwa-cha, both of you can never appreciate me before backtracking, huh?" He ran his fingers through your tangled hair, slowly massaging your scalp.
He knew it always calmed you down.
"Hey, did you really find me pretty that day?" You mind went back to how you looked the day when Oikawa first saw you. Greasy hair stuck to your face, cavernous dark circles covering your under eyes, face swollen as a result of pulling all nighters for a whole week. How could anyone, let alone Oikawa find you pretty when you looked like that?
"Can you not hold a conversation for 5 seconds without putting yourself down, huh?"
" I dont think I can Tooru. It still weirds me out that you, of all people found me beautiful when I looked like such a mess."
"Y/N I think we really need to try astral projections now-"
"Tooru, I'm serious-" You whined.
He chuckled, twilring your hair in his fingertips. "Y/N, after being with you for so long, I've realized something. You look for validation in the eyes of people who couldn’t care less about you. But when finally, someone who really cares for you and sees you as who you are tells you that they are truly beautiful, you brush it off. Why do you pretend that our compliments aren't heartfelt? Why are you so scared of being appreciated?"
Every day, when he saw you stealing glances into the mirror, he noticed how disappointment flashed across your face. He knew how you beat yourself up for not being pretty enough. You were never enough for yourself.
If your mind was a place, he’d waltz into it, shredding the self-destructive thoughts gnawing at you sanity into pieces. He’d untangle the mess inside your head, shattering the walls that bars genuine compliments reach your heart.
Oikawa wasn’t the best with words, not at times like this. But he’d give it his best.
He could feel the wet spots blossoming on his shirt, as you buried your face deeper into his chest.
"Oi!  You dummy! Are you crying?"
"To-Tooru I just think th-that I d-don’t deserve your love because I'm not as good looking as-" You choked out in between an onslaught of sobs.
“Hey. Hey, look at me.” He cupped your flushed cheeks and lifted your chin up, his eyes scanning your face in concern.
“Those fucking stupid scars on your face don’t define who you are, okay? Its just skin, Y/N, you are so much more than just…a piece of skin, you know? Honestly, we’re all just bags of flesh and bones if you look at it that way. Do you think I loved you because you were a particularly pretty bag of flesh and bones?” Even though you found his analogy slightly funny, you noticed how his face lit up with passion so you refrained from making any sarcastic comments. He was trying his best.
“Continue, Tooru. I’m listening.”
“I love you because of who you are. I love the way your lashes flutter when we stargaze on the roof every night, I love you how your hair is a tangled mess when you wake up, I love how your puff your cheeks in annoyance when I stop you from over-drinking coffee every night, I love how you whine when you spend hours trying to get your eyeliner right, only to end up smudging it when you rub your eyes absent-mindedly, I love how your eyes light up when I put an extra spoonful of Nutella in your sandwich…gosh, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
Your grip on his hoodie tightened. He looked at you, breathlessly, scanning your face for a reaction.
Your stared at your reflection in his chocolate-brown eyes, struggling to find the right phrases to express the way his words made you feel. You felt your heart race as if it was beating in pace with a rhythm set in by a drug-induced ecstasy.
What would you call this feeling of warmth that washed over you with every syllable he uttered?
“Thank you.” You wondered if you could’ve said anything better to express how much his words meant to you. God, where were a the fancy words you had learnt from corny YA romance books when you needed them?
But he didn’t need to hear your words to know that you’d been moved by his words. Fancy phrases could never tell him what the faint rosy glow of your cheeks could.
“Stop thanking me for stuff like this. It’s my duty, Y/N. I’m your fiancé for fuck’s sake.”
“You’re such a sap Tooru.” You giggled, squishing his cheeks softly.
“Yeah but you’re hopelessly in love with this sap, so deal with it.” His grip around your waist tightened as he nuzzled his face on your neck, his hot breath fanning across your collarbones.
“Now let me go Shittykawa, we have a party to attend.” You pried his arms off your waist and sat up.
“Babe, we’re about to get married in a few months, you really need to drop that stupid nickname.”
“Hmm, let me think.” Cocking your head to your side, you pretended to be immersed in deep thought. “Nope, not happening.”
“Don’t blame me for what happens next.” Oikawa sat up and tackled you to the bed, pinning your wrists by your side.
“Ooh, now that’s hot, Tooru”
“You know whats hotter Y/N?”
“What?”
“This.” He didn’t give you a chance to respond as his hands slid down to your waist. Your breath hitched in anticipation.
And then he started tickling you.
You broke out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter, kicking him, trying to get him to stop.
Two minutes later, you both lay side by side, panting, faces flushed with breathless fits of laughter.
You caught a glance of your face in the bedside mirror.
Even with your reddened face, tangled hair and smudged mascara, you looked…beautiful.
You felt beautiful.
As you nuzzled your face on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat rumbling in your ears, his words kept replaying in your mind.
“Its just skin, Y/N.”
Tumblr media
Author’s note: ahhhhh I kinda wrote this in a flow?? Its a comfort fic/drabble???Idk what this is tbh. This is very self indulgent because I’ve suffered from skin problems(cystic acne ugh🤢) all my life, so I decided to comfort myself through this fic 🥺👉👈 . If only I had an Oikawa in my life 😩✋
N E ways, drink water, get enough sleep(lmao the irony that I’m saying this-) and remember to love yourself because you are beautiful!😤❤️I’ll come for your kneecaps if you put yourself down🤩🔪.
Reblogs would be highly appreciated!
Tumblr media
234 notes · View notes
tenthgrove · 3 years ago
Note
hi! could i request some platonic la squadra with a team member who's autistic and mainly stims by repeating short phrases (echolalia but idk how to phrase it) and has/had a hard time unmasking around them? feel free to take as many liberties as you need to, your writing is so fun to read! <33
La Squadra Says Autism Rights
La Squadra x Reader (GN), Platonic, SFW
(A/N: I just wanted to say a particular thank you to this requester because I've been itching to write autistic reader headcanons for months and this finally gave me the right prompt to do it. I definitely want to write more in the future.)
Formaggio- He might be neurotypical, but autism runs in his family (and his social circle as an adult) so he's learned a fair bit how best to interact with you people. He knows his loudness and teasing can be an issue for autistic people with sensory issues or trouble with sarcasm, so he'll drop it around you if that's the case. As far as he's concerned your vocal stim is a non-issue because 'some people just do that, it doesn't hurt anyone' and he doesn't comment on it unless you're using it to show happiness, in which case he always acts chuffed. He behaves sympathetically to your troubles with masking, and makes a point of acting laid-back so it's easy for you to turn down the pressure on yourself. To Formaggio, not being able to be yourself would be one of the worst fates imaginable, so he wants to do what he can to make it easier for you to let loose.
Illuso- You might expect Illuso's understanding to be low, but at this point with so much of the team being neurodivergent themselves Illuso doesn't bat an eyelid. Repeating short phrases is certainly a new one, but nothing he can't put up with. Sometimes, he might ask you what your murmurings mean, but he doesn't mean it in a judgy way. Now, as for your masking, you would be surprised how much he can relate. Illuso's self esteem is secretly down the gutter, and he often feels like the confident persona he puts on is secretly an act. When you tell him you feel like you're putting a show every day of your life, he feels you. The two of you have a lot of heartfelt conversations when you're alone, confessing how you really feel about yourselves away from the act you're performing. It's not something Illuso does often, be this honest even with a friend. But he can't help but find that it's... therapeutic.
Prosciutto- Like with anything a friend of his may be insecure about, Prosciutto very much looks at autism through the lens of identifying positives. This by no means says that he ignores your difficulties or tries to creative positives that aren't there, only that he takes note of your strengths no matter how much you try to deny them and makes sure you remember you have them. He doesn't try to 'fix' your echolalia because he knows it's better to work with an autistic person's traits than erase them, but he does teach you mental diversion techniques to help you tone the stim down when you need to (e.g. when you're trying to be stealthy). Regarding your masking, he can somewhat admire it as a useful skill to have- it's possible you could turn it into the skills of an excellent actor while under cover, but he also appreciates the impact this must be having on your self-esteem to have to hide yourself 24/7, so he wants to help you learn to cut it down. This, of course, is done through plenty of praise and reminding of your strengths. You are a wonderful addition to the team, even without your mask, and he won't let you think any less.
Pesci- When Pesci gets stressed it affects him a lot too. Sometimes he does things like fiddle with random items in his hands until they break or bounce his leg so hard the table shakes, which always get him strange looks. He appreciates the rationale of your stimming and would never judge you for it. If you're in a situation where you absolutely need to stop stimming, for instance if a team is visiting who isn't on good terms with La Squadra, he is a good bet for subtly and respectfully helping you be aware of when you're starting to do it so you can quickly stop. Just a gentle nudge to your arm when you start to whisper is all it takes. He also has a lot of empathy for the fact you has to mask, since he imagines it to be like a more extreme version of how he had to invent this whole 'tough guy' personality after he got involved in the gang. He found that really hard too, so he can imagine what it must be life to do that sort of thing your whole life. At least with him, you feel less of a pressure to put on an act.
Melone- There's a certain intellectual curiosity in Melone towards the various neurodivergent conditions, compounded by a strong personal empathy now he has so many friends who have them. He is saddened by the failure of the common consensus to understand such individuals, and wants to do what he can to help them appreciate their full, unique potentials. Melone is quick to recognise your behaviour as stimming, and hence understands that the stress of being called out on it would only make it worse. He is sympathetic to your plight with masking, and has a few ideas you could try if you want to start reducing it in safe circumstances. He has heard that one barrier to unmasking can be trouble identifying the 'true self' you have to go back to, so to remedy this he asks non-critical questions that help you explore your real, unmasked personality and be comfortable in it. Whenever you go off-script and talk to him as your true-self, he praises you for it and assures you that you are just as wonderful a person to him like this.
Ghiaccio- We arrive at the first member on the list who (in my headcanon) is autistic himself. Although the mangling of verbal speech is typically annoying to him, Ghiaccio would never become angry at someone who did it because of their neurodivergence. After all, if he didn't respect the effects of your autism, what reason do you have to return the favour? Ghiaccio makes a point of not hurrying you along when you start to repeat yourself as a stimming technique, and it goes a long way with helping you be calm around him. The masking however, is a different matter. He's not going to be angry at you per say, since he knows from experience the pressure you must be facing to put on an act this way, but he very much prefers it when people are their authentic selves around him. After all, he has enough issues knowing their true intentions as it is. He won't get angry, but he will gently encourage you to open up about him, even if it's something as little as stating what you really want point-blank when you're nervous too. He is very understanding about how hard this is, however.
Risotto- Another autistic individual himself, Risotto is also perfectly empathetic to your behaviour. As an adult, he doesn't really stim, rather just faze out entirely, but at the end of the day that still gets him a lot of strange looks so he can appreciate the range of feelings you may have about your own stim. What's really great about Risotto is that he learns pretty quickly how to differentiate between your happy-stims and your stress-stims, to an extent nobody else on the team is able to. He always seems very content to see you happy-stim, warmed by the knowledge that you are feeling good right now. As for your stress-stims, he is quick to help you escape from the situation if at all possible, and hold your hand comfortingly if not. And the whole masking thing? He understands painfully well. Risotto's masking game on-point, but it irks him greatly to keep it up, not to mention that he hates the paralysing anxiety that hits him whenever he tries to unmask. Even when he wants to, he can't always be himself in front of the team. He may not have a solution for you, but he at least has his full empathy.
Sorbet and Gelato- While Sorbet is, as far as he's aware, neurotypical, Gelato is very much autistic as well. He's also got ADHD to boot, so he's well versed in the neurodivergent experience. His stim is quite similar to yours, in that he makes quiet, high-pitched, almost chirp-like noises, so he sees your echolalia as something he has in common with you. Gelato doesn't really bother with masking any more, the only exception being people who could quite literally kill him if he offended them. Though he encourages you to let go and be yourself, consequences be damned, he of course completely understands the pressure to keep masking. Sorbet, despite being neurotypical, is at this point more surrounded by autistics than not. He's been married to Gelato for the best part of the decade, his closest friend is Risotto, and he's practically Ghiaccio's dad at this point. Adding one more neurodivergent to the mix is hardly a big step, and he is very well-versed in your behaviours and how to interact with them.
106 notes · View notes
drxwsyni · 4 years ago
Text
Petrified (pt.5)
Yandere Erasermic x f!Reader
SERIES MASTERLIST
a/n: idk what to say about this part. the dialogue wasn’t fun, but that’s about it! hope y’all enjoy!
5.9k words
Warnings: reader experiences anxiety
Realistically speaking, there was a very low chance that you’d be able to wrestle your nerves under control as you waited for the impending meeting. It was creeping upon you, quite painfully slowly. On top of that you still had yet to resolve the almost instantaneous sensation of despair you felt upon waking.
Even as you spent the time you had to yourself completing menial tasks, nothing could truly remedy the feelings that plagued your being. It was incessant. Eating away at your will to distract yourself. And eventually you did succumb to its pestering.
No matter what you occupied yourself with, the reality of the approaching situation would invade your thoughts. It would keep you there until you mentally fought tooth and nail against it. But even then it wasn’t enough. It simply became easier to settle with the mindset.
You opted to lay on your thrifted couch, toying with the soft tussles on the blanket that was draped over your lower half. The connection of the fabric running across your fingers to how it actually felt wasn’t something your brain was choosing to register at the moment.
Rather, you simply stewed on your conflict.
It felt like you did this a lot nowadays. Brewing over muddled thoughts that didn’t entirely make sense but also did at the same time.
You trusted Shouta and Hizashi. Yet there was always an inkling of suspicion―or perhaps it was moreso a fear. Probably both, you assumed. What you wouldn’t give to have this whole reality be erased from existence. To never have met the two. Never have gotten preyed on by some lowly criminals that made you so indebted.
But that wasn’t something you could control. Much like you couldn’t seem to control the extent of the impact the heroes were having on your life. That was something they preferred to dictate, regardless of your protests.
Not that you protested all that much. To be fair, you hadn’t exactly been assertive with your wishes. Still, that doesn’t mean your few opinions should be as disregarded as they were.
It angered you more than anything. Shouta wouldn’t give you the chance to speak your mind while Hizashi glazed over the problem with a delusional sense of care. With their combined insistence it was more than enough to force you back into your shell. A place where no matter how upset you were, the courage to speak your mind was next to impossible.
If you didn’t know any better you would think that they were just as aware of this as you. After all, they seemed to be exploiting your weaknesses more and more. Maybe they did know you quite literally feared their methods of approach and were doing it just to see your pitiful reactions.
It would be cruel, and highly unlikely. But your mind had a habit of coming up with the worse case scenario, and this idea was no exception.
You were so wrapped up in contemplating the meaning for their behaviour and subsequently how you felt because of it that the time passing at an alarming rate didn’t even phase you.
No, not until the sound of your phone pinging―an alert for received text messages―were you finally pulled out of your stupor.
From: Shouta
Are you still okay with being picked up at 5:30?
4:32 pm
The time on the receipts made your heart drop a little. An hour left.
You:
That’s fine :)
4:33 pm
From: Shouta
Let me know if you need more time.
4:33 pm
You:
Will do, thanks!
4:34 pm
Of course you didn’t need more time to meddle with your own thoughts.
How exactly were you supposed to get ready to spend time with them? You couldn’t make anything to bring, something they made clear. Were you supposed to wear something casual? Or maybe dressing up a little was the better option.
None of these details really mattered, but overthinking was one of the things you were best at. So at each decision you came across you muddled over what to do. When all was said and done, you chose to settle with a navy blouse and black high waisted jeans. Dark colours were best for not drawing attention to yourself after all, and that was exactly what you wanted to do.
The rest of the routine to prepare for your slowly ensuing departure from the comfort of your apartment was done on autopilot. Any actions couldn’t be fully processed when your mind was drowning in nonsensical worries and ‘what if’ scenarios. The phenomenon wasn’t surprising, but still mentally taxing nonetheless. Nothing you could think or do would make you feel better. This was just something you would have to push through regardless of the voice in your head urging you to make up an excuse not to go.
After all, excuses now would only postpone the inevitable. And right now the inevitable was already here.
From: Shouta
I’m outside.
5:29 pm
You’d been ready for the past fifteen minutes―spending your remaining time anxiously waiting at the kitchen table. You regarded the text with a feeling of dread, but pushed the sensation down as you pulled on your shoes and jacket, stuffing your wallet in a pocket.
Just as he said, Shouta was waiting outside the apartment complex in the parking lot. He was leaning against the side of his car, eyes trained on his phone. Dressed in casual clothes with his hair pulled back into a half bun, he lifted his head upon hearing your approaching footsteps.
You watched as his eyes briefly scanned your form, presumably taking in your choice of clothing. “Ready to go?”
He didn’t exactly sound bored with the pseudo-greeting, rather it was a ‘let’s move this along’ kind of sound. It made you question for a moment whether he actually cared about the situation, but you disregarded the idea. “Of course.” Out of habit you offered a warm smile, which made his face lighten slightly in return. Even that alone was comforting compared to his normally serious facade.
Shouta opened the passenger door for you, letting you step in before closing it. He rounded the car and entered on the drivers side while you fastened your seatbelt, hands shaking ever so slightly. It was in your best interest to keep your nerves under control as much as possible, lest one of the two men pick up on it and become more concerned.
The car started with a low hum, the interior dashboard lighting up in areas that were blacked out before. The radio was playing quietly, allowing you to just barely register the soft rock music being emitted from the speakers. Shouta was the first to break the silence as he began driving.
“So, how was work yesterday?”
Small talk, thank god.
It would probably be a good idea to disregard the normal strain it put on your body. “It was good, like any other Friday I guess.”
The erasure hero nodded slightly before replying, “Anyone giving you trouble?” His eyes never left the road as he spoke, which you were thankful for, but it also made his expression hard to read from where you were sitting.
“I suppose a few people were a little impatient, but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”
To that he only offered a hum in response before moving to turn the radio up. By now there was a segment between the hosts, and you gratefully let it fill the silence if it meant you could avoid any awkward bits of forced conversation.
You found out regrettably that his home wasn’t too far from your apartment. Perhaps roughly ten minutes there by car, and you were already pulling up to the settlement.
It was comfortably small, set in a neighbourhood with houses of a similar size. You could tell that it was a pricy abode, evident in the elaborately carved wooden doors and smooth stone walkway. Everything exuded luxury, and you expected to find the same quality of handiwork on the inside. Not only that, but it was placed comfortably in the midst of the city―not close enough to any normal bustling life but in an area that would allow for a fast commute. Just another aspect that alluded to it’s likely expensive cost.
Shouta pulled into the driveway, parking the car inside the garage which was surprisingly big enough to fit the automobile. You stepped out as soon as the car door unlocked, the erasure hero following suit. The sound of the doors slamming shut echoed off the walls loudly, causing you to jump a little with your nerves already being on edge. Silently, you prayed he had yet to pick up on your behaviour.
“S’just through here.” Shouta gestured to the only door in the room before heading towards it, one hand shoved in his pocket. He held it open in wait for you to round the car and step through the threshold.
Instantly your senses were flooded with a smell that was so indisputably welcoming―a certain warmth, enhanced by the aroma of a home cooked meal in the making. It was wildly calming, and in that moment you forgot how stressed you’d been over the ordeal you were about to sit through. And yet, even as you came back to reality, the atmosphere continued to still your worries to a certain extent.
“We’re home.” The erasure hero’s voice sounded off behind you, causing you to turn to see that he was removing his jacket. You did the same, but before you could ask where to hang it Shouta had already gently removed the article from your hands, placing it on a hanger in the front entrance closet.
As you were removing your shoes a certain voice hero made himself known. “I’m just in the kitchen, grub’s almost done and cooked!”
Once the two of you had finished up getting comfortable, Shouta led the way deeper into the house. Following him, you finally laid eyes on his partner who was preoccupied at the stove. He glanced over his shoulder, face turning bright upon seeing you.
“Songbird? How’ve ya been?” He talked like he hadn’t seen you in forever, but that was no surprise.
What did come as a surprise was the suffocatingly tight hug he went on to wrap you in. The contact was jarring, but you did your best not to recoil. After all, you would be lying if you said the hug wasn’t at least a little nice. Sure, your mind had momentarily ceased it’s functioning from the shock, but biology did have its ways of easing your pain. Namely, in the form of that sweet release of serotonin as an innate response to the affection. Leaning into it to prove you weren’t too bothered by the close proximity, you responded. “Ah―fine. The same as last time you saw me I guess.”
The blond pulled away, opting to hold you by the shoulders as he spoke. “That head feelin’ okay? Your meds workin’?” The look in his eyes told you how concerned he was, even though the soft tone in his voice did more than enough to convey it. It was one of the few times it carried such delicacy to it, something you were grateful for as you don’t think the normal booming of his voice would’ve been tolerable from such a distance.
You smiled warmly, doing your best to maintain eye contact―and failing after a few seconds. “Yep, everything's back to normal, pretty much…”
That’s what you said, but it wasn’t the truth.
The reality of your health was something you normally chose to disregard, but you knew it wasn’t normal. At the end of the day, your normal was likely another person's hell. The exhaustion you felt was second nature, but that didn’t mean it was easy to deal with. However, putting up with the sensation was worth what you got out of it. So you kept going―kept lying―both to yourself and others that you were okay.
The pause Hizashi gave before answering instilled a brief pang of anxiety. The two were unbearably perceptive―they had to be, being heroes and all. But whatever he was thinking seemed to pass. “Good ta hear, why don'tcha make yourself comfortable while we finish up sweetheart.”
You glanced over to the stovetop, then to the countertop that was adorned with wayward vegetables and measuring cups. Naturally, you couldn’t help but offer assistance. “Oh, I don’t mind helping out. If you want I could―”
“Nah listener! Go get comfy, ‘Shou and I’ve got this.” He gave your shoulder a few reassuring pats, before motioning to the living room with his other hand.
As he gave you a gentle push, you managed to sputter out a response. “Um―okay, then…” Was it a strong response? No. But they weren’t giving you time to come up with something more polite. So you took Hizashi’s queue and padded over to the living room.
The first thing you noticed when you stepped into the expanse was how...empty it was. It had furniture―more than enough to fill the room. All of it looking high in value, only adding to the comfort and prestige of their home. That wasn’t the issue. It was the lack of personal items that stood out.
There were none of the items that you would expect in a well lived in home. Things like photos or framed degrees on the wall―nothing to suggest that either of the two heroes stayed there. Not so much as a haphazardly discarded personal belonging like a sweater or even a stray coffee mug was in sight. It was immaculately devoid of unique human presence. The only thing that served as evidence to suggest someone was actually living there and it wasn’t more so a showroom was the laptop on the coffee table in front of the couch.
But that was it. Peculiar, to say the least.
There was quite literally nothing else for you to evaluate. Nothing to help you get a better sense of who the heroes were behind closed doors. With the lack of stimulation came an awkward feeling of self awareness. So you did what the blond instructed―you made yourself comfortable.
The couch looked invitingly cushiony, so there you took up residence, pulling out your phone for the distraction of social media. You had your back to Shouta and Hizashi who were still in the kitchen. That particular detail mildly unsettled you, and you did your best not to let the paranoia induced urge to keep looking over your shoulder get to you.
With the comfort of the temporary seclusion you concluded that while they might be taking your presence to make up for the burden you’ve placed on them, you were paying an equal amount with your sanity. They couldn’t have seen how much their existence in your life as of late was displacing your will to remain calm. If they did then you were sure the heroes in them wouldn’t have suggested this meeting.
They were getting too personal, and all you could think about was never having to see them again after tonight.
Regrettably, the sound of clinking metal pulled you out of your thoughts. Behind you Shouta had begun setting the dining table, placing down cutlery along with napkins. Part of you knew that your offer of assistance would be shot down. It was all routine at this point, and you’d honestly lost track of the amount of times it had happened.
You inwardly cursed yourself for causing unnecessary anxiety, “I can help with that, if you want.” The ‘if you want’ came out unintentionally, your subconscious knowing what was about to happen.
Shouta glanced up at you, “That’s fine (y/n), you can just take a seat.” He went back to what he was doing without another word, before heading back to the kitchen.
It wasn’t even worth putting up resistance over.
Standing up, you walked over to the dining room, claiming the spot next to the head of the table. Not a moment later and the two were walking out with various bowls which appeared to be steaming.
“Hope you’re hungry sunshine! Dinner’s comin’ in hot” Hizashi set down a bowl in front of you.
“It’s beef stew, hope you don’t mind.” The erasure hero sat down at the head of the table. His partner left the room, only to return with a tray of golden dinner rolls.
“Homemade and fresh outta the oven!” He set the tray down in the middle of the table, taking a seat across from you.
You looked down at the food displayed before you. Frankly, it looked absolutely delectable. “This looks really good, you must’ve been at it for a while.”
Shouta had already begun eating so you assumed it was safe for you to do the same. Lo and behold, the food tasted just as good as it looked. The perfect ratio of vegetables to meat, seasoned to perfection. It was impressive, to say the least.
“Yeah it did take a bit, but it’s worth it for you songbird!”
You were almost too distracted by the mouth watering meal that was gracing your tastebuds to care about his pet names. And even if you did care, the hospitality would help in overlooking it. Thankfully your nerves had calmed down a bit, part of you thinking that you were growing used to their presence ever so slightly.
As you ate, the two took it upon themselves to make idle discussion to fill the silence, Hizashi always doing more of the talking than his counterpart. You did the listening, as they were dealing with topics beyond you. Namely hero work, its details something that you couldn’t quite relate to, let alone offer something valuable to the conversation. You weren’t complaining either―it was easier to let them go on than it was to worry yourself over trying to find something interesting to say.
It would’ve been nice if things could’ve stayed like that. The mood was something you could tolerate at the moment, an occurrence that was rare when you were around the two men. But of course something so ideal as that would never last.
Soon enough their back and forth discourse began heading exactly where you hoped they would avoid tonight.
Hizashi was on the subject of a few unsavoury criminals that had been active in the area. Nothing too serious, but still posing a large enough threat to those who were less capable of defending themselves.
And then he started talking about the area you were walking through when you just so happened to get cornered by similarly dangerous individuals.
At that point you were a little over halfway done eating, and desperately wishing to quickly move from the subject if not just drop it entirely. But no, Hizashi was intent on remaining on the topic.
“Ya know, a few buddies of mine have been dealing with some trouble in that area.” With his mouth half full, he continued. “Sure you gotta work so late? Can’t imagine walkin’ home at that time is very safe.”
You’d lost your appetite.
“Yeah, they need me to cover the later shifts, and I don’t really mind it, so…”
Shouta seemed to be more interested in the discussion now that you were involved. “Still, you should try and switch to morning shifts.”
“Mm―not only that but ya can’t just go exploring a bunch of alleyways. Shit’s bound to happen there hun.” The blond had set his food aside and was more than happy to indulge himself further in telling you what to do.
Did they really think you were so dense that you’d be going down alleyways just to explore?
You placed your spoon in the almost empty bowl, bringing your hands to rest on your lap. At least like that they wouldn’t be able to see you trying to relieve some stress by repetitively fidgeting with the end of your sleeve or digging your nails into the palms of your hands.
“I was taking a shortcut. That’s not something I would normally do.” There was a certain feeling of spite in your voice, but you doubt they could register it. Rather you probably simply sounded displeased to be talking about that night, mixed with a hint of shame for letting yourself get attacked like that.
“If that’s the case then I’d advise you take the long way. You’re just putting yourself at a higher risk by going down that path.” Shouta was taking a sip of his drink as the two let you process their advice. He didn’t seem to like the idea of you ‘putting yourself at risk,’ judging by the almost disappointed tone in his voice.
It was hard for you to meet their eyes as they spoke, so instead you alternated between staring at the table while looking at them for a brief second to prove that yes, you were listening to them.
However you did watch as Hizashi moved to fold his hands atop the table, leaning forward slightly. He paused, likely gathering his thoughts. “And, ah...somethin’s been sorta bothering Shou’ and I for a bit.” The two men eyed each other for a moment, “It’s just...the doctor never said what was quite wrong with ya, being so tired and all.”
The heroes were looking intently at you for an answer, causing you to mentally recoil from the unwanted attention. But you still had to come up with something to influence them into moving on to something that didn’t directly relate to your wellbeing. “Oh...well it was the end of the week I guess. That probably explains it…” You were curious to see if the answer was satisfactory, but upon looking up a little more to judge their reactions you found that oh no, that was most definitely not enough.
They didn’t look convinced in the slightest. You weren’t lying to them, just omitting most of the truth. And somehow it felt like they knew you were doing so―your suspicions being quickly confirmed.
“You passed out, (y/n). Your records don’t list any medical problems so there should be no reason your shifts cause you that much exhaustion.”
You had no doubt Shouta was boring holes into your skull with the unmatched intense look he was likely giving you. The wavering amounts of courage you held only allowed you to observe him from the shoulders down. He’d leaned back in his chair at this point, one hand in his lap while the other rested on the table.
They didn’t have the right to be so invasive with your personal life. They were heroes. They saved people and then they were supposed to move on.
Not access their medical history without their permission to see if they were being completely honest.
As if sensing your growing uncomfortableness, Hizashi piped up. “We’re just worried about ya sweetheart. Stuff like that doesn’t just happen outta the blue. And if somethin’ really is wrong then you gotta tell us.”
You could almost drown in the concern blanketing his words and tone. It was conflicting―you knew he was being genuine, and that the two were just that invested in your wellbeing at the moment. But that’s what scared you.
The attention was entirely unwelcome. How many times did you have to reassure them that you were handling things before they let it go?
Self-awareness was haunting you, knowing full well how you were going to be unable to control the shakiness in your voice. Even less so was the hold you had over the stirring of worrisome emotions brewing inside you. You knew skirting around the truth was better than telling them you used your quirk at work. They would probably get mad at you―the reality wasn’t a conventionally accepted thing.
“I think..I’m just a naturally tired person. And those guys freaked me out a bit, so...I don’t know. I guess it was just a combination of those things?”
You waited in heavy silence for a response. For once it seemed that they were thinking before they spoke. Hizashi especially liked to say whatever came to mind, at least that’s what you thought. Shouta wasn’t as impulsive, but he never hesitated this long. And so when he finally spoke, you weren’t sure whether to be relieved due to the occurrence or not―given what he said.
“If you think we believe that excuse for a second then you're very wrong, (y/n). You might be tired, but we know there’s more to it than that. It’d be much easier if you’d just cooperate with us.”
Looking up was a bad idea, but your head moved on its own. While Shouta looked as menacing as ever, his partner looked...nervous. You’d never seen him that way, like he was suffering just as much as you were. Perhaps it was a side effect of this irrational concern he felt, realistically you didn’t care. But the feeling transferred to you and slowly the pit in your stomach grew bigger and bigger with each passing second. You weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to hold out.
“Please just tell us the truth, songbird. You’re not in trouble, we promise. It’s just―we can tell there’s somethin’ off with ya.” If your hands were on the table you wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to hold them, knowing of his tendencies.
You looked back and forth between the two, eyes silently pleading for them to just drop it altogether.
Of course, you knew they wouldn’t.
Maybe you should just run while you had the chance?
“R-really, I’m okay. Listen, dinner was...really good, but I think I should be going n―”
“You’re not leaving.”
The erasure hero was in no mood to put up with you dancing around the topic at hand anymore. He brought you here to find out what the fuck was going on with you and he’d be damned if you just denied them that truth any longer. Hizashi had no complaints―maybe wincing at his partner’s harshness a little, but otherwise was in it just as much as him.
The blond could bring the tension down a little though, mostly for your sake. “Are ya not gettin’ enough sleep? Shou’ knows a pretty good doctor that helps with that kinda thing if that’s the problem. We just wanna make sure you’re being safe is all, sunshine.”
Really? Because this feels more like an interrogation than a friendly discussion over your habits.
Perhaps it would be better to just cut your losses and tell them. You didn’t want to, if they deemed fit they could be the reason you lose your job. Your boss didn’t know that you used your quirk―nobody did. It was how you stayed ahead of everyone else. Technically it was like cheating, having such a big advantage over your coworkers in your line of work. But where was the harm? You were making people happy, there’s nothing wrong with that.
But just like before you left your apartment to be accompanied to their house, your mind decided it was a perfectly fine and healthy idea to come up with countless ‘what ifs.’ One of which included the possibility that yes, you would be fired for this small transgression. Even though it was unlikely, it still plagued your mind with dread. The shop was where you got validation―a place where you knew you were doing something right. You didn’t want it taken away from you.
But you had to tell them. They were waiting. There was no way out of this.
“M-my quirk…”
How were you supposed to explain this?
“What about your quirk?” Shouta was not giving you any room to weasel your way out of this.
Your eyes remained trained on the abandoned dinner in front of you. “I use it...at work, sometimes. It just makes me a little tired I guess.”
The erasure hero didn’t give his counterpart the chance to ruin the moment, knowing you were susceptible to revealing more information with another push. “Only sometimes?”
God, it felt like you were being shamed for what you did.
“A lot...I use it a lot.” Admitting it felt hard even though you were more than aware of your behaviour. It was their reaction that made the task so difficult.
“What’s your quirk, sweetheart?”
You looked at your hands―the tools that made the fruits of your labour possible. “I...um―it’s called Nurture. I can sort of...put life back into plants? It just makes them healthier, but doing it puts strain on my body. Makes me a bit sleepy, but it isn’t usually that bad…”
Shouta gave a quiet hum in response before continuing, sitting up in his chair a bit. “Well―I wouldn’t call that a bit. No point in trying to downplay it now, just be honest.”
It was probably supposed to sound lightly encouraging, but he sounded more like he was making a demand.
A demand in which you had no choice but to meet.
“Okay...it can be a little much sometimes. B-but Friday was the exception, I had to use it a lot the night before so...the exhaustion just caught up with me.” You left out the part where the emotional response from being cornered was likely a bigger problem than the sorry state your general physique was in.
Hizashi sighed, and it would appear that the two were relieved to finally get the explanation they were looking for. You however were not in the same state. You were vulnerable, and inwardly you prayed they would leave well enough alone.
The erasure hero took a sip of his drink, and you caught the men exchanging glances before the blond spoke up. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
You didn’t respond. Just kept staring at your hands.
“What you’re doing isn’t illegal or anything, but it’s still not something you should be doing. I’m sure you know what could happen to your career if this kind of information got out.”
At that your eyes shot up, looking desperately in Shouta’s direction. “Please don’t tell my boss. He doesn’t know, and I’m not hurting anyone by using it. Please just―I don’t know what I’d do without my job.” You glanced back to Hizashi, looking like your words were hurting him as well.
“I don’t know (y/n), you’re not exactly being responsible with your quirk. Just because you’re not hurting anyone else doesn’t mean it’s safe to disregard your own health.” Shouta must enjoy judging you when you were at your lowest, seeing as he tended to do it an awful lot.
Just when you thought this night couldn’t get any worse, it did. It got so much worse.
You weren’t able to form a rebuttal, but it didn’t matter when Hizashi beat you to it. “Listen, we don’t want to do that songbird, honestly. How ‘bout we make another deal instead…”
What in god’s name could they want from you.
“W-what kind of deal?” How you wished they’d just let you walk free, unburdened by their presence like you planned on before coming here. It’s like they wanted to watch you squirm uncomfortably with anticipation.
Finally the blond continued. “Simple. Ya try not to use your quirk as much and we don’t tell management!”
Shouta added his take, “And you have to keep coming over for dinner so we can make sure you’re holding up your end. It’s a fair proposition. Take it or leave it.”
It was unbelievable. Of course you didn’t want to comply―they were blackmailing you for christ’s sake. But one problem did stand out, “What are you guys getting out of this? I―I’m just not quite sure I understand.”
The erasure hero sighed, “Call it peace of mind―lets us know you're not on the verge of death while enjoying your company at the same time.”
Clearly they couldn’t see how much you weren’t enjoying their company. Or maybe they did and simply didn’t care. How they thought this was a fair deal was beyond you, and it didn’t exactly matter either way.
You didn’t want to admit it―to agree to their ‘deal,’ but you had no choice. They’d effectively cornered you. At this point you could only hope they would get bored enough of your presence to eventually call it off. You wouldn’t be able to stop using your quirk, it would break your heart not to. You got so much out of using it―emotionally at least.
They might not know if you were lying now if you agreed to it, but having to see them again wouldn’t be good news. Was it that obvious what your quirk did to your health? Honestly speaking, you’d never really evaluated whether or not you looked worse for wear. All this time you just acted without thinking of the effects. Perhaps there was physical evidence―but it was something you would have to evaluate later.
Not that you personally cared whether or not you actually looked tired. There was always makeup for that if you were feeling self-conscious. Mostly, you needed to see what you had to do to fool them into thinking you were complying.
At least they were patient when it came to this response, and eventually you did manage to give one. With great reluctance, you spoke. “I guess...if that’s what you want. But I―”
“Then it’s settled! We can keep meetin’ up like this every Saturday from now on!” Hizashi was positively beaming at the prospect, you however were not as excited.
Every fucking Saturday?
The thought of having to experience the same god awful stress made your heart sink. They should be sick of seeing your face by now. All you’ve done for them was place an immense burden, both on their wallets and apparently their minds as well. It didn’t matter if they were worried about you―they would have to get over it.
You would play along for now, mostly for the sake of your sanity.
It was simple. You just had to convince them that you were keeping up your end of the deal. It wasn’t impossible. You would be fine.
Shouta stood up from his chair, muttering an “Alright, then” as he did so. You watched almost helplessly as he began gathering the bowls and glasses off the table, stacking them in a neat pile.
You would've offered to help, but they’d already taken enough from you tonight. Realistically, you doubted it was even possible to form a coherent sentence. Your mind was too muddled with what was currently an inescapable despair, alongside of a slowly kindling detestment for the two men.
The audacity they held to put you in such a position would be impressive if it weren’t also mildly disturbing at the same time. For heroes, they seemed wildly unaware of how oppressive their behaviour was.
For the time being you were under their every whim and command. It wasn’t ideal, but it was something you would have to put up with.
Just enough for them to see you were okay. That you were capable of functioning even when your quirk posed certain unpleasant obstacles.
And in your mind of calculating escapes, you just barely registered that the two had gone back to their discussion of life events that you’d never come close to relating to. Hizashi still being the more dominant, relaxed as his partner cleaned the dining table.
The clock ticking away on the wall read 5:57 pm. You wondered how much longer they’d keep you here, seeing as they never made a point to ask you what you were comfortable with anyways―probably planning on doing the same with when they thought you should be free to go for the night.
End of Part 5
_____
taglist: @roseloverofpastels @shinsous-eye-bags @tjhonoluluprezstitch626 @pekusofixus @riarora @glitterypinkkitty @elektraeriseros @hadesnewpersephone @axolotleyeliner
442 notes · View notes
commander-hanji-zoe · 4 years ago
Note
First I wanna say I really appreciate and love the attention and more in-depth analysis you give to Mike, content for him is severely lacking..I can’t find many blogs that really gives him the time of day. Secondly, in your size kink ask, by ‘bigger’ were you using it in correlation with ‘curvier’(idk if that’s the most appropriate word to use) because that’s what you meant, a curvier girl myself a blurb on him comforting them would totally be the best.
Thank you for this message, and for being so sweet - i’m glad you enjoy my writing! Your message it put so many sweet images in my head because let me tell you Mike would be wonderful at comforting a partner who was struggling with body image/feeling insecure regardless of body type/physical appearance. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I think Mike is someone who falls in love with a person for their mind/heart/personality, of course there has to be a physical attraction there too or it won’t work, but he isn’t shallow. 
When I posted about his s/o being larger in that previous post I meant whether they were taller/bigger built/more muscular/curvy/fat etc. So, yes, thinking of a partner with curves was definitely on my radar. I’m really glad you enjoy my more in depth analysis of him, he’s a character I adore and always feel he doesn’t get enough love. And a lot of the love he gets is based on physical appearance, which I mean, isn’t wrong the guy is drop dead gorgeous and as handsome as they come, but what little we get of him in the manga/anime I feel he’s a very deep character and I try to do him justice with my writing. 
Warnings for the below - goes into issues with body/stretch-marks & low self-esteem/confidence quite a bit. (On that note I have to say this is written from experience) 
Tumblr media
You sit on the bed looking at the floor length mirror, more specifically just staring at your reflection. As you study every part of your body you sigh. Whenever you see yourself recently you can’t help but compare yourself to others whose uniforms fit slightly better, the beautiful ones, the pretty ones, the ones that everyone would want to date. Somehow you feel like you just don’t fit in with them and that makes you question whether you fit in at all. When you think of Mike and just how much you love him there’s always something else niggling in your ear.
Mike is drop dead gorgeous. He’s one of the most handsome men in the Scouts, well, the most handsome to you. Incredibly tall, muscular, strong and then there’s you. Telling you how beautiful you are, how much he loves you, how he loves every inch of you - this is how your days start with Mike. 
He isn’t afraid to show it publicly either and often in group situations will kiss you on the cheek or lips, put his arm round you, dance with you if the occasion calls for it and occasionally will rest his hand on your thigh. A hand so big that despite your squishy thighs which you’ve referred to before as small tree trunks (Mike detests it when you do this as it makes him incredibly sad to hear you say bad things about yourself and to demean yourself in that manner). His large hand will squeeze your thigh and remind you of what’s to come when you’re alone. How you love the feeling of his hands on your body, he tells you he cannot get enough and showers you with praise and body worship. And in those moments between the sheets you believe him, you really believe him. You believe you’re beautiful and perfect the way you are, that you’re worthy of a man like him, worthy of love just the same as everyone else.
But sometimes when you’re apart, when the ecstasy of orgasm has worn off and you’ve awoken from a day dream, it can be easy to remember how good it felt or how much you believed his words. 
Now sat on the bed it’s hard to control the tears, you don’t want Mike to see you like this to see you so weak and pathetic. If it really bothered you that much why weren’t you doing anything about it? Then you just feel angry and lazy and start to think that if you really loved Mike why aren’t you getting more in shape for him? By the time you’ve finished judging yourself in the mirror you feel absolutely rotten and wish you hadn’t looked today.
You heard the door open and panic set in as you wiped away your tears, lowered your shirt and jumped off the bed.
There is no hiding from Mike, he knows you far too well. He only has to study you for a moment, to tilt your chin and see the reflection in your eyes, watery like a golden lake for him to give you that sweet melancholy smile.
“My love what’s upset you today?”
There’s no beating round the bush with Mike, you are his number one priority and he says things how he sees them. The sooner you can talk about it, the sooner he will be able to work on a fix for you, that’s the way he sees it.
He sits beside you and when at first you don’t answer and struggle to get the words out, Mike doesn’t push you. No, he sits patiently by your side, arms wrapped round you and strokes your hair.
After a few minutes you sob quietly, he pulls you in a little tighter then presses a firm kiss to your cheek, “Just breathe, we’ve got all the time in the world.”
Another thing you love about Mike is how understanding he is and how he never rushes you to speak or tell him what’s happening. He knows it will come in good time when you’re ready. Just having him by your side is already like a remedy, the smell of his skin, his warm smile, his comforting hands on you.
When you finally tell him what’s been happening he seems almost hurt, hurt that you are hurting so much and that so far he has been unable to reassure you of how beautiful and perfect you are already.
He takes his time with you, kissing your lips slowly and pulling you on top of him. He massages you, strokes your thighs, legs, arms. He kisses all your scars and stretch marks telling you just how beautiful each one is.
He goes down on hands and knees and worships you. Mike, the second strongest soldier who fights for the future of humanity, here in front of you vulnerable, naked and ready to beg, steal, kill….for you. He pulls you into his arms so you can wrap your legs round his waist. He nuzzles into your neck and tells you you’re his star. 
“There is nothing in this world that can compare to your beauty, your wisdom, your charm or your kindness. There is no night, no matter the amount of stars that could come close to the radiance that shines from you when we’re together.”
His words are so sweet that they make you cry again, but this time they are tears of happiness, the tears of someone who has been feeling tired for so long and just wants to fit in. The tears of someone who feels a little bit foolish and wishes they were more ‘normal’ like others.
“And there’s nothing you would change?” You ask sincerely as you look into his eyes - determined to see if there is any hesitation, of course there is none. 
He shakes his head, “Nothing, you are gorgeous as you, you are loved more than anything just as you are.”
“All of it?” You ask as you squeeze the chubby bits on your hips.
He gives a small laugh, “All of it,” as he puts you down on the bed he kisses the bit of flesh you’d been holding. “There’s so much to love, to cuddle, to hold when we make love. All your stretch marks, scars, freckles, I like to join the dots together and turn your body into a night’s sky.”
You frown.
“Don’t you see, your body is covered in constellations, stories formed by a life of love and honour.”
Mike climbs on top of you as you fall into bed, when he kisses you you know it will be a long night where you need nothing but the company of one another. 
85 notes · View notes
chronicallylatetotheparty · 4 years ago
Text
Watching (the Adventures of) Merlin season one on Netflix
Episode One: The Dragon's Call
. . . I feel like going to the capital of the kingdom indiscriminately slaughtering magic users wasn't the best idea.
Why? Well, that guy did just get executed.
And now his mom is mad. You tell that sorry excuse for a king, witch lady.
I don't like Uther, in case it was unclear.
Wait... if you could teleport why not just grab your son and ditch before he loses his head? Literally.
Oh, wow. Arthur is a dick.
Morgana. We have no choice but to stan tbh.
Dragon, you're really rubbing me the wrong way.
That's right Merlin! We need more than Because Destiny Says So!
Where did the spiderwebs come from? That sleeping spell gives me Sleeping Beauty vibes.
Ah, yes. The old drop-the- chandelier-on-the-villain trick. :(
If she went after Uther instead of Arthur I would have no complaints.
Manservant? You call that a reward for saving your son?
Episode Two: Valiant
Snake!Shield
Oh, he's gonna- Yup, dead. That's what happens when you deal with knights who cheat.
Where did that guy even get a magic shield in the first place?
Is there a thriving magic black market or something?
I love Guin.
. . . I feel like Sir Valiant didn't think this through. If bite marks are visible.
Ugh, you're the worst Uther.
It's only the second episode! Did you forget who saved your son already?
Stop being a jerk Arthur.
Lol. Merlin bringing a dog statue to life in order to practice for the Snake!Shield.
Bye Valiant!
Episode Three: The Mark of Nimueh
Whatcha up to with that egg, new witch lady?
You gonna poison the water of all of Camelot? Seems like a jerk move.
Dang that's a lot of dead bodies...
No, I like Guin's dad!
Yes! Cure him Merlin!
No! Stop arresting Guin, Uther!
You tell him, Morgana!
That plague monster that hatched from witch lady's egg is creepy.
Dead monster!
Arthur is kinda oblivious to Merlin's magic ngl.
Yay! Guin's free!
What do you know about witch lady Nimueh, Uther? Hmm? Why she want you dead? Besides the obvious reasons.
Episode Four: The Poisoned Chalice
Wow, Nimueh really doesn't like Merlin saving the day.
Wow, Nimueh really orchestrated an entire diplomatic incident in order to kill Merlin while also ensuring Camelot is destroyed by its neighbor. Impressive.
I really like Merlin and Guin's friendship.
Dang. Merlin really drank poison in order to save Arthur.
Merlin saved Arthur's life, Uther! Let him return the favor!
Oh, wow. Arthur really disobeyed his father in order to save Merlin's life.
I didn't know Merlin could cast spells while deathly delirious. And several miles away from him too.
Uther you b****! The antidote is right there! Let Arthur save his friend!
Putting your own son in a cell is such a jerk move.
At least Arthur and Guin manage to sneak the antidote to Merlin.
Quick aside: Internet spoilers say Uther needs to die for Arthur to complete his himbofication- I mean character development. So, if you could get on with that? Thanks!
Episode Five: Lancelot
Wow, that's a very CGI griffin.
Lancelot is so precious- Uh, I mean effective! Saving Merlin and all.
I know, Guin. I know.
Always thought it was a stupid rule to only let nobles be knights.
You're really going to commit magical forgery for someone you just met, Merlin?
I mean, Lancelot is earnest, hardworking, modest, kind despite his tragic backstory and it's his childhood dream to be a knight...
Yeah, I'd commit magical forgery too.
Lol, knocked you on your ass didn't he Arthur? (The second time at least)
I don't remember griffins being man-eaters!
Uther stop arresting people! Ugh, you're such a classist.
Let Lancelot help fight the griffin, Arthur! You need all the help you can get!
Well okay letting him go was nice of you.
Lancelot-Merlin tag team!
Wow. Lancelot really strode in with Camelot's singular braincell by figuring out Merlin has magic.
(The bar is low, okay.)
No, don't take away the braincell! Stay! The griffin was a team effort!
Okay, Lancelot's lawful good tendencies are a little annoying but, hey, nobody's perfect.
Episode Six: A Remedy to Cure All Ills
Edwin, no. Leave Morgana alone.
Oh, beetles! Curse beetles! That's not creepy at all.
Gaius how do you know Edwin?
What diabolical plot are you hatching Edwin? Oh, you're replacing Gaius in the royal court. That's kinda rude.
Merlin's so happy meeting another magic user that isn't trying to kill him (yet).
Le gasp! Uther's purge killed Edwin's parents? WhO cOuLd HaVe fOreSeEn tHis!?
But seriously. No wonder Edwin wants Uther dead.
I know Edwin blackmailed Gaius with exposing Merlin but he also wants to kill Uther!
That gives him a pass in my book.
Gaius no. Let Uther die.
Edwin stop trying to kill Gaius! You're going to-
Yup, here comes Merlin and-
Edwin's dead :(
Well he was trying to overthrow the kingdom. That's... bad... I guess.
Episode Seven: The Gates of Avalon
That title is misleading. It's more of a natural portal/magic lake type thing.
Arthur saves a father and daughter from bandits (Which they hired but shhh)
And they immediately try to put a love spell on Arthur
For human sacrifice purposes of course
Idk why the Sidhe want a human prince's soul -look at him, you don't know where he's been- but that's the price for readmission
I wonder how the dad killed one of his own kind? Was it an accident or...?
Exiling the daughter too makes me suspicious of Avalon's justice system
Evil laugh is a bit out of place for someone who is trying to restore his daughter's immortality
(They are so whiny about being mortal. Hey, we put up with it all the time!)
The fairy-like Sidhe moving in accelerated time so they just look like tiny orbs of light was an interesting touch. The blue faces and razor sharp teeth is not a good look for them, lol
They make Arthur ask to be married ('cause it takes a while for the love spell to go into full blown mind control or something)
Prompting Uther to threaten to kill both of them
(I feel like they didn't think this through)
Morgana admonishes Uther for being the worst
He replies that first love rarely lasts and that Arthur is inexperienced in such things. Plus that Arthur only met the girl yesterday
... I can't believe Uther is the voice of reason this episode
He doesn't get any points though. Due to the whole "threatening to execution his son's 'crush' " thing
The daughter is having second thoughts about using Arthur as a human sacrifice
Dear old dad puts those to rest and they try drowning Arthur in the lake that is/is the portal to, Avalon
Merlin's really leaning into the whole "Cool motive. Still murder.", thing huh?
Like, he did NOT hesitate to blow up both of them
Episode Eight: The Beginning of the End
Why do magic users keep going to Camelot!? The king is trying to KILL YOU!
Wow, this grown ass man is threatened by a literal child... I hate Uther so much
Morgana is the MVP of this episode. I love her
Protect that druid kid!
I feel like you're being paranoid Uther
You tell him Morgana!
Dragon, no. Stop prophesying death and destruction.
Wow, this grown ass dragon is threatened by a literal child...
Aaaand Morgana got caught sneaking the kid out of the city :(
Uther she is your adopted daughter! Stop putting people in cells!
Arthur is gonna sneak him out now?
While Morgana distracts the king?
Yes, excellent. What could possibly-
Merlin stop listening to that destiny dragon! Hearing his voice in your head is no basis for trust!
Cutting it close... Yay! They made it!
Mordred!? MORDRED!?
THAT little boy is Mordred!?
... Okay, I'm more inclined to believe the destiny dragon now
Still think letting him die would be a dick move
Episode Nine: Excalibur
What're you up to with that tomb Nimueh?
Oh! It's some kind of undead knight. Yes.
Throwing down the gauntlet. Pfft! Always thought that was a stupid idea.
Also: that Black Knight literally crashed your party!
Ugh, knights.
Nimueh if you can just teleport into the heart of Camelot while Uther is alone why don't you just stab him? Grab one of those pointy things he likes so much and stab him in the back. Easy peasy!
Stealing this joke but Don't do evil magic kids. It fries your brain cells.
Wait, the Black Knight is Uther's brother-in-law!?
Arthur's mother died in childbirth!?
Uther asked Nimueh to use her magic so he could have Arthur!?
Equivalent Exchange!?
Uther went on a genocidal rampage because he didn't bother with the instruction manual of ancient and powerful magic!?
Actually, that last one is not surprising at all.
I can't believe they're using the Wife in the Fridge trope. That appliance hasn't even been invented yet!
Ooh, Merlin's going to use his magic to destroy the Black Knight so Arthur doesn't have to fight him
As he's killed two knights already
Aaaaand, yup, he's still there. His cloak didn't even catch fire...
Arthur stop being a bastard. It doesn't suit you
Dragon forged sword! DRAGON FORGED SWORD!
Only Arthur can wield it. Yup, got it. How could this possibly go wrong?
Uther drugged Arthur and took his place in the fight... I have mixed feelings about this.
Wait, the dragon was very specific about only Arthur using that super special sword! Oh, snap.
Well at least the Black Knight is dead. Again.
Oh, dragon is not happy.
I know the dragon said "where no mortal soul could find it" but are you sure you wanna throw it into Avalon, Merlin?
Those people were gonna suck Arthur's soul out of his body
Episode Ten: The Moment of Truth
The way this episode title just lies to your face like that...
Oh, you're Merlin's mother! Thought we had an anime protagonists type thing going on
I... would like to say Uther is being unreasonable when he decides not to cross borders to get rid of some bandits. But I can totally see everyone hating him so that's a no go.
Lady, you were in a whole different kingdom. Why for the love of Merlin did you send him to Camelot!?
We're off to save the village! Morgana and Guin are coming too!
A wild Arthur appears!
Morgana better at swordplay than Arthur confirmed!
Merlin! I didn't know you had friends!
Granted he's a bit rough around the edges but
Okay. If it were literally anyone else besides Arthur. I'd say he was right about lords and knights being useless snobs.
Actually. He's right about lords and knights being useless snobs. Ah, that felt great.
Wow, the homosexual subtext is strong with this one.
The girls can tell Arthur came for Merlin.
But get your foot out of his face! I don't care how royal it is!
Look at Guin over here calling out Arthur for being a dick
And talking him into letting the women fight. She's on a roll
Aw, Merlin's friend died. :(
And he took credit for Merlin's tornado (so Arthur wouldn't find out about Merlin's magic)
Episode Eleven: The Labyrinth of Gedref
Lol, that unicorn could use a haircut.
No, Arthur. I said a haircut not an arrow to the chest!
Bad things? What kind of bad things Gaius?
Uther what's the point of having an expert in magical lore if you're not going to listen to him!
And all the crops are dead. Fantastic.
I know it's a magic thing but stating outright that the blight only targets edible plants is still really unsettling.
And the water's turned to sand. Great.
Who're you and how come Merlin is the only magic user that can't teleport?
What kind of tests mister Keeper of the Unicorns, sir?
Arthur I know you don't want to believe it's your fault... But it's totally your fault.
Uther no. People are starving.
You tell him Arthur.
Oh, the "theif" was a test!
Aaaaand he failed the second one. :(
Merlin's got a lot of faith in Arthur.
It's interesting how the Keeper can only direct the curse caused by the unicorn's death. Or rather the trials surrounding the curse, but can't break it himself.
Unicorns have some powerful magic.
The Labyrinth was barely on screen for five minutes! Surely something with Unicorn in the title would be more appropriate?
Arthur drinking a poisoned cup so Merlin could live?
That's some strong parallels right there.
The Keeper of the Unicorns is such a troll! Sleeping potion, hah!
The day is saved, Arthur lies to Uther's face about killing the Keeper and the unicorn resurrects itself.
Still needs a haircut though.
Episode Twelve: To Kill the King
Whatcha up to Guin's dad?
Oh that guy isn't suspicious at all.
You didn't think it was shady when he asked to meet in the middle of the night!?
Philosopher's Stone!?
Wow, the guards found him quickly.
What- No! Don't arrest Guin's dad!
Uther, he's a blacksmith! Stop being paranoid!
Will you stop executing people!? That inn keeper didn't know that guy was a dangerous sorcerer!
No, nononononono! He surrendered! Why did you do that!? Guin's father was important to Morgana!
That's why she gave him the key!
Dragon has his priorities straight.
Shut up, Merlin. You literally blew up a father and daughter for trying to kill one(1) person. (No really, you could see their hands flying off.)
Morgana deserves a little murder. As a treat.
Yes! Get him! Kill the bastard!
No! Why would you make GUIN say that!? Who are you and what have you done with Guin!?🔪🔪
UGH, he literally committed genocide!
The "that would make me as bad as he is" DOES NOT APPLY!
What- Oh, he still has the fairy's staff.
No. Stop it! Let Uther die!
Oh, God, Uther is such an abusive piece of GARBAGE!
Stop! Don't fall for it Morgana!
*sees dagger being pushed closer to Uther's "heart"* Yes! Yes! YES!
*Morgana saves him* NO!
NO!
NOOOOOO!
*inarticulate ranting in the background*
Episode Thirteen:
Okay, the cgi might be getting a little better 'cause the Questing Beast is freaky
Old religion? What is that? And how come it's conveniently absent from the previous episodes?
Dang, they really here just casually gaslighting Morgana like that 😡
Merlin you know Morgana has visions! You couldn't have been a little more careful? She warned you. Now look at Arthur, he's got the heroic death disease
Granted that thing does seem like a handful
Why do you only act like a father when it's a matter of life and death? Why can't you be a father literally any other time!?
"The old religion is the magic of the Earth itself."
Well that sounds fascinating, dragon. Are you going to elaborate? No? Later then?
Soooooo, is the old religion actually a religion or is it a magic? It's really unclear...
"You will be a better king than your father could ever hope to be." Guin, you're back!
I expected a place called the Isle of the Blessed to be less... creepy
Nimueh! Whatcha up to girl? Plotting the demise of a kingdom? Not today it seems
Oh there some Equivalent Exchange type nonsense going on is there?
Arthur you were supposed to be in a coma not listening to Guin!
Oh. Oh, no.
Merlin saying goodbye as he prepares to trade his life for his mother's is 😢😭
Wow, that dragon really knew Nimueh would give Merlin's mother the curse and didn't say anything. The little b*****!
No wonder Merlin's mad at him. Stop breathing fire at him! It's your own fault!
Gaius, no! Not the dead mentor trope!
"You stood by and watched as our friends died." Damn, Nimueh isn't pulling her punches.
Merlin vs Nimueh! Ready? Fight!
Anime protagonist power up! Dang, Nimueh's dead... I feel like that wasn't supposed to happen.
At least no one else is dying. Since Nimueh's death appeased the Equivalent Exchange laws of the old religion.
23 notes · View notes
paintedlight · 4 years ago
Text
Supernatural Season 15 & Sufjan Stevens' “The Ascension”
Teaser: there’s a song on this album called "Die Happy” where the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” for 5 minutes and 45 seconds. yeah. yeah.
Disclaimer: yes it’s all a stretch and I’m overthinking it but also… am I? (yes) 
long post time! know that reading ahead may hurt you and yes it does get worse the further down the track list you get 💕 have fun kids
So just to start off, I think it’s funny that something Sufjan’s discography & Supernatural have in common is the 15+ years of the internet arguing if it’s gay or not, and the answer ending up being yes. PLUS there’s the obvious connection of American mythos + mythology + calvinist themes (I am hissing) + religious trauma prevalent in both. 
If you’re a fan of both like I am, it’s easy to connect them— notable connections being songs like “John My Beloved” and “The Owl and the Tanager” or even “John Wayne Gacy Jr.”, but I’m going to focus on Sufjan's 2020 album, “The Ascension” since even the arc itself seems so connected to season 15 of Supernatural, specifically. 
At least in my head it does <3 enjoy 
MAKE ME AN OFFER I CANNOT REFUSE
When interviewed about the meaning of this track, Sufjan explains that this song is about asking God, “what do you have to say for humanity?” That it’s about desperation, creation, and devastation. It’s about frustration with divinity. Also the vibes are 10/10. Need I say more 
RUN AWAY WITH ME
This song is beautiful, it makes me want to sit in some grass and stare at the sky. 
Some lines that make me Dean/Cas crazy are the two lines in verse 1 and verse 2 that mirror each other by being in the same place melodically:
Verse 1: they will terrorize us / with new confusion / with the fear of life that seeks to bring despair within
Verse 2: I will bring you life / a new communion / with a paradise that brings the truth to light within
Yeahhh so the words “Despair” and “The Truth” were mirrored in this song yes it was coincidental yes I’m clinging to it. It fascinates me 
But this song is about begging someone to stay with you.
sweet falling remedy / come run away with me / you’re all I ever need
VIDEO GAME
My first thought when I heard this song was about how it was such a song for enneagram 4s. If you don’t know what that means, I think Dean is a 4 and wrote a post about it here. 
AND @trapperjohnmcintyre also made the connection between these lyrics and Dean in this post, and honestly I don’t need to say much more than that??
The song is about feeling paranoid and angry that God is controlling your every move and you can’t escape it (aka hating the doctrine of predestination). Of course it’s also about not wanting to follow societal scripts. 
You just want to have an easier life instead of the weight of good and evil resting on your back!!!
I don’t want to put the devil on a pedestal / I don’t want put the saints in chains / I just want to make my life a little easier / I don’t want to play your video game
Also these painful lines, as a treat: 
I don’t want to love you if you don’t receive it / I don’t want to save the world that way
Oh, I almost forgot, also. At the end, the narrator gives up. He’s like well I guess I can’t escape. Gotta follow the procedure. Gotta be a puppet.
I don’t want it to go down that way / but in a way you gotta follow the procedure / so go ahead and play your video game
  LAMENTATIONS
I don’t have much to say about this one but this line always makes my heart ache idk:
I was only thinking of human kindness
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
Here we gooooooo. Y’all aren’t ready.
Thesis: Tell me you love me despite the primordial darkness about to overtake me. And even if you don’t, I’m going to love you. 
15x18 Despair anyone?? 
I want to just paste the whole song but, here—
Tumblr media
DIE HAPPY
Yep, "Die Happy" immediately follows "Tell Me You Love Me." Yes, the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” over and over for almost 6 minutes. 
First of all, the repetition mirrors the end of the song Fourth of July, from Sufjan’s previous album Carrie & Lowell, where Sufjan sings “we’re all gonna die” over and over.
Parallels, baby.
But I noticed something else about this recently though— in Die Happy, if you are listening to it in your headphones, there’s this weird sound that sounds like a wasp flying around your head (it made me uncomfortable which is why I noticed it, haha). After I felt unnerved for a moment, I had a realization— that this could be referencing one of Sufjan’s most beloved songs, “The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!!” (yes that’s a real song title lol)
The Predatory Wasp is about how Sufjan fell in love with his best friend at the Bible Camp he went to as a teenager. The wasp is a metaphor for internalized homophobia and also his love and how he fears his love will hurt the boy he’s in love with. 
So, Die Happy references an iconic song from Illinois (2005) with these notable lines:
Tumblr media
Tl;dr: 
I want to die happy vs. I can’t explain the state that I’m in / the state of my heart / he was my best friend
Here’s an Despair photoset with Predatory Wasp lyrics via @toneelspeelster. 
ATIVAN
So your best friend has just died happy by being in love with you. You feel like the primordial darkness is on YOU now:
I woke up in stereo—I spent the day in vertigo / I could not get the spirit off my back
You’re once again tossed in the waves of thinking that God is fucking with you. But either way you just want to be tranquilized at this point. 
Is it all for something? Is it all part of a plan / tranquilize me, sanitize me, Ativan
Is it all for nothing? Is it all part of a plan? / make my death wish, mind my business / do the best I can with what I am
Ativan asks, was the true leading woman all this time… substance abuse?? 
Ativan / my leading woman
Long story short, you’re drunk on communion wine, asking the shadows to come back.
fill me with the blood of Jesus / clean my plate 'til he receives us / separate the colors from the black / ... / tell the shadows near us to come back
 URSA MAJOR & LANDSLIDE
Not a lot to say about this (even though I love these songs) so I’m gonna skip mostly, but the narrator has decided he wants to love you, he can’t help it <3 
GILGAMESH
Oh boy. 
I mean you kinda know what’s coming because of the title. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s oldest piece of epic world literature, and Gilgamesh was “the first hero of human history.” 
In the world’s oldest story, The Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh and Enkidu are “very close friends” (their relationship is very homoerotic and this is barely disputed). Gilgamesh calls Enkidu his brother, and they are mutually selfless towards each other but when Enkidu dies, indirectly because of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh has a breakdown and mourns him like that of a spouse and then has to come to terms with his own mortality. 
The meta level of this is so obvious I’m not even going to go into it. Anyways… here are lyrics that make me want to scream! 
Tumblr media
the repetition of “my heart”... the concept of singing a eulogy.... saying your heart is chained to Your Angel............ it hurts
DEATH STAR
Star Wars reference my beloved. Like many of these songs this has Fuck You God energy.
what you call the human race / expedite the judgement day / it’s your own damn head on that plate
vandalize what you create / ... / witness me resist your fate / it’s your own damn head on that plate
 GOODBYE TO ALL THAT
This song is a bop honestly 
When the lyrics were released a bunch of Sufjan fans contrasted Goodbye To All That’s here I am alone in my car / hopelessly infatuted / and I’m driving to wherever you are to Sufjan & Moses Sumney’s song, “Make Out in My Car”.
Yeah, I know, we’re all thinking of this:
Tumblr media
Make Out in My Car is basically where Moses gave Sufjan a horny car guy chorus and told him to write the verses, and Sufjan proceeded to write the most liturgical shit ever (and we love him for it). ANYWAYS… Goodbye To All That also reminds me of Dean’s depression and the weirdness that started in 15x19 and goes into 15x20. For some reason he makes it seem more upbeat and happy than it is...
Despite this song being a bop, the lyrics are depressing. He’s alone in his car. He’s hopeless. He realizes it’s too late to have died a young man. 
He’s going to try to move on, even though nothing is left of him, he’s begging someone to turn around and show me his shadow.
Tumblr media
He also references substance abuse again—
love me / and leave me / intoxicated
  SUGAR
The music video? Iconic. The mom of a family is making a pie, or she’s trying to. She ends up rubbing the filling all over her face, crushing the fruits, the oven catches on fire. 
But she does it! She makes the pie. 
Meanwhile the other family members are in their rooms, overindulging in sugar in all its forms. And then as she and her family eat around a dining table, occassionally being seemingly marrioetted by some unseen force, she looks angrily over her family, they all seem to kind of lose it, then the house starts to come apart until the chandelier falls on the dinner table. 
Tumblr media
It’s the making pie + overindulgence in sugar + marionetted family metaphors for me ❤️ 
Ultimately, the song is about begging for affection, being desperate for domesticity, but you feel doomed, you feel like your defeat is predestined, that you can’t escape it.
You just don’t want to be heartbroken & you don’t want to be angry anymore!!!!
Tumblr media
  THE ASCENSION
So you may be asking… does this guy get the domesticity he’s longing for?? Does he get his love back?? 
No. He dies. :/
The Ascension begins with just that. He’s dying.
THEN Sufjan decides to rhyme “confess” with “confess”, in two lines that mean almost opposite things:
When I am dead / and the light leaves my breast / nothing to be told / nothing to confess / let the record show / what I couldn’t quite confess
So does this guy have something to confess or not??? 👀
Moving on… 
He goes back to thinking about how his life was predestined all along, and now after all that, he’s dying. So he thinks about all the times he was kind of like this Mythological Icon. That he always had to be the one to show what was right, to lead by example. That that had been his entire identity. 
And he realizes he needs to answer for himself. 
Then he is frightened— realizing he was always asking what everything meant, what it all was for, but that all along he was just angry and depressed.
Tumblr media
But even though he feels a like he should have just resigned himself to meaninglessness, that he only thought he could change the world for the better… it strengthened him to know the truth.
And even through the absolute shit of it all, and even though God & others did things from a place of so-called holiness and hopelessness...
He did everything out of love ❤️
Tumblr media
So then he dies 🙃
Tumblr media
AMERICA
So, as the end of The Ascension asked, what now? 
The album ends on this long track, which Sufjan describes as a protest against all that America has been and has become. 
It’s a protest against capitalism, of destroying humanity for the sake of some cold machinery. 
I have worshipped / I believed / I have broke your bread / for a splendor of machinery
And in true Sufjan fashion, he makes this song about protesting somehow both horny and religious, god bless
I have loved you / like a dream / I have kissed your lips / like a Judas in heat
I have worshipped / I have cried / I have put my hands in the wounds on your side / I have tasted of your blood / I have choked on the waters / I abated the flood / I am broken / I am beat / but I will find my way / like a Judas in heat
I am fortune / I am free / I’m like a fever of light / in the land of opportunity / don’t do to me / what you did to America / don’t do to me / what you do to yourself
  to finish out, here’s a DeanCas post by @eggcessive with lyrics from America ❤️ I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY WEBWEAVING :)
24 notes · View notes
kitty-cat-is-back · 4 years ago
Text
What Am I Doing with My Life? Chapter 1
Pairing: Sero Hanta x Reader
Word Count: 1.6k
A/N: Hello everyone! This is my first fic, so I hope you guys like it! If I’m being honest, I have no idea what this is currently or what this is going to turn into, but this is just a very self indulgent fic, so I’m sorry if this isn’t for you! Definitely my inspiration to even take a crack at writing a fic is @reinawritesbnha, so you should definitely check her out cause her fics are wayyyyy better than whatever you’re gonna read now! Anyways, I’m terrible at writing summaries, so just have a quick read for yourself and see if you like it! Oh, also this is a real world au, so no powers for any of the characters! ANYWAYS, I hope you like it! :)
Warnings: signs of depression, a hint of angst (idk)
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
With a groan, you rolled over and aimlessly searched for your phone, promptly shutting off your alarm. A sigh escaped your lips as you stared up at the cracked ceiling, already hearing the loud stomping of your upstairs neighbor so early in the morning. You gazed out the window, staring at the luxurious view of the brick wall from the building next to your apartment, anything to prolong starting the day. Once you didn’t think you could hold off any longer on getting ready, so you dragged your body up and out of bed, mosing into the bathroom as you pondered the same question you did everyday: What am I doing with my life?
You didn’t feel like you were sad per se, but you certainly weren’t thrilled about life. Everyday felt like a rut… Wake up, work, eat, sleep, and repeat. You honestly can’t remember that last time you really felt happy. Well… Maybe back then…
You walked into the classroom early groggily, the sun had barely even risen in the sky. The room was mostly empty, spare a boy sitting at his desk, looking much too mischievous this early in the morning. You placed your stuff at your desk and gave yourself a small pep talk in your head. Today was the day you were finally going to do it. With a few more words of your own encouragement, you slowly approached the boy’s desk, gaining a closer look at what he was doing. Curiosity getting the better of you, you pushed your mission aside and started off with some simple small talk.
“What are you doing?” you asked, an eyebrow raised quizzically.
The lanky boy with shaggy black hair and an infectious smile averted his gaze away from his creation to peer up at you. He grinned cheekily before looking back down and pulling more tape from the dispenser to add to the mass he had already formed, “Making a tape ball.”
You tilted your head in confusion before hesitantly asking, “...A tape ball? What for?”
He shrugged, “Dunno yet… Probably gonna throw it at Kaminari during 4th period. We’ll see how I’m feeling,�� he stated, wrapping more and more tape around the sticky monstrosity.
You hummed in response, attempting to hide your smile at his antics, even though his attention was solely placed on creating the tape ball. A silence fell over the two of you as you continued to watch him, rocking back and forth on your feet nervously. Just spit it out already! This was your chance! You ceased your rocking and promptly cleared your throat, “Hanta!”
The boy’s brows shot up at the exclamation and turned away from his abomination, giving you his full attention. He just now noticed the makeup adorning your face, something he’s positive he’s never seen you wear before, but can recognize the effort you put into it. His cheeks flushed at his prolonged staring at your beauty and finally stammered out, “Y-Yes?”
This was it. You balled up your fists and tensed up, almost as if preparing for impact, “A-Are… Are you… Are you busy… this weekend…?” you asked, unsure of the words.
Hanta relaxed a bit, though still a bit on edge as to why you were acting so awkward all of a sudden, “Oh, that’s it? No, I’m not particularly busy,” he pondered aloud, “Probably just gonna hang with the squad… Hey, you can join us if you want to! I’ve been dying to properly introduce you to them! I mean, they all know you from around school, but they don’t like… know you know you, y’know?”
You visibly deflated, your mind racing to figure out how to remedy this problem, “I told you… I don’t think your friends would like me. I’m so awkward around new people, I would probably just embarrass you… B-But that wasn’t what I meant!” you paused and took a breath, mentally preparing yourself, “I was trying to ask if you wanted to go on a da-”
Your words were cut off by your friend walking into the classroom. They spotted you and quickly made their way over towards you, “There you are! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! C’mon, we’re gonna go chill in the cafeteria before classes start!” your friend said as they tugged on your arm.
Your mind went into panic mode, glancing frantically between your friend and Hanta, “N-No… Wait! I was just-”
You were cut off once again, “Just finished talking? Great!” your friend said, pulling harder on your arm, “Bye Hanta! I’m sure you guys can catch up later!” they said before successfully pulling you out of the room, leaving behind a confused Hanta.
Once having exited the classroom, your friend let out a disgusted scoff, “How many times do we have to tell you? No. Hanging. With. Hanta. It’s really that simple. That whole friend group of his is no good!”
Your shoulders slumped and your face fell into a frown, “There’s nothing wrong with Hanta… Just because Mina ghosted you after a hookup doesn’t mean the whole group is-”
“Oh. My. GOD. I told you not to ring up the ‘incident’ again! You know it makes me upset!” they said with a huff. They shook it off, “Whatever, but that doesn’t matter! I won’t have my best friend hanging out with those losers and then ultimately getting your heart broken when they don’t want you anymore! So you either listen to me and stop hanging around that guy or we’re not friends anymore.”
This felt like one of those moments in your life where the decision you make would drastically alter your life. You had a choice of two paths and whatever you chose, you couldn’t go back and try again. You stayed silent as you weighed out your options.
“Hellooo?? I’m waiting!”
“Hello? Are you even listening to me?!”
“Hello?”
“Hello? Are you ok?”
You snapped out of your reminiscing and looked up to see your office assistant giving you a concerned look. You started rapidly blinking in confusion, wondering how in the world your body had managed to take you all the way to work without dying while you were caught up in a daydream. You let out a heavy breath and leaned back in your chair, “Yea…” you started, “Yea, I’m fine. I just… didn’t get much sleep last night is all…” you said with a little bit of conviction.
Your office assistant nodded, definitely not convinced, “Right… Anyways, I guess now seems like a good time to bring this up. Your twelve o’clock appointment called and cancelled. That was the only patient you had scheduled, so I think you should take this opportunity and take the day off. In the year that you’ve been working here, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take time off for yourself. You may not think it, but even psychologists need mental health days,” they joked, trying to lighten up the somber atmosphere of your office.
You rubbed the back of your neck, desperately racking your brain to come up with a reason to stay at work. If you were working, you weren’t thinking and if you weren’t thinking, you were better off that way. You opened your mouth to start spilling out excuses, “Well…”
“I’m gonna stop you right there. I know every single thing you’re about to say and I’m not having it today. I’ll stay and do some work around the office and answer phone calls if needed. You may be my boss, but I’m ordering you to take the day off. You deserve it. You need it.”
You sighed and hung your head. There was no getting out of this. You held your hands up in defeat, “Alright, alright, I give. I’ll take the day off. You win…” you grumbled. After a victorious cheer from your assistant, you packed up your stuff and headed out of the office. Now that you were alone again, you were left with nothing but your own thoughts.
Maybe your assistant was right about this whole day off thing. I mean, remembering back on your high school days? If you’re starting to believe that you peaked mid-way through high school, you must be going crazy. But… You felt like you were kind of right about one decision drastically changing your life. One choice led you down a path that you couldn’t escape and were forced to keep walking down, no matter how many times you wanted to walk back and find your way again. Maybe you wouldn’t be here if you had chosen a different path, or maybe nothing would’ve changed at all. It doesn’t make sense to wonder about it now. The choice was made and nothing can be undone.
Getting lost in your thoughts again, your body still magically transporting you from one place to the next, you missed out on the man chasing you through the bustling streets of the city, calling out your name like a madman. He pushed through the crowds of people walking in the opposite direction of him, mumbling out apologies every few seconds. He finally managed to make his way to you and grabbed your wrist to gain your attention,
“(Y/N)!”
You snapped out of your thoughts for the second time that day and whipped around to see the boy you knew long ago, but he had turned into a man. Your eyes became wide as your jaw dropped in disbelief, somehow managing to stutter out,
“H-Hanta!?”
101 notes · View notes