#i feel superior in every way
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Any thoughts about Baela and her crossbow?
I love it. It's a weapon we don't see in Westeros, so she's taking after Corlys in that regard. Yes, Joffrey had one, but look at who we are talking about.
It seems as though it's a way to introduce her skills from in the book like sword fighting which according to Bethany we will see to some extent.
I just, I love it. Everyone was complaining about book Baela last season, and she seems to take after Laena and Rhaenys even with this skill. I love that it's being accredited to the woman who raised her.
I do think it will play a part in her being the Warrior to Jace's ruler in a sense. Team Black's Aemond, especially with her later story.
Swords are kind of phallic symbols, so introducing her with a crossbow means that she's cautious and waiting for the right time. It's just so great. I love the imagery and the fact that she's with Jace just makes it better.
Overall, I just hope we see her use weapons in combat rather than just by herself, even if it's just practice.
Also seems to be a similar scene (don't base stuff on outfits) so I just love the narrative being crafted.
Welcome back, Visenya Targaryen.
#hotd#house of the dragon#baela targaryen#baela the brave#its so over#stanning the twins for the last two years while yall went to war for white people in a blonde/brunette batttle#i feel superior in every way
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What would you choose? :0c
(note: original image is from HERE (link) - but I edited it to add a wider variety of options.. also added $3 extra to the total, even though I know that makes it more uneven lol, I thought if you're adding 10 whole extra items, the money to spend should at least be increased slightly, if that makes sense..)
#I would get orange juice. black coffee. AND iced coffee ($3) because I love the variety of having multiple drinks#then sausage and scrambled eggs ($8). Then sauteed mushrooms ($3)....AND... hrm.. then spending the remaining $4 would be hard#I wish I could get waffles (as they are my favorite and are superior in every way compared to pancakes. donuts. etc.) but I'm not willing#to give up the other savory things just to get them. so... then maybe I could get a biscuit or english muffin? and just put jam or#honey butter or something on it so it can be my replacement 'sweet and bready' thing instead of something from the $5 row??#OR I could also just assume that having the orange juice plus iced coffee would provide enough of a 'sweet element' to the meal#(since I largely prefer savory foods. I only like a tiny bit of sweet added for variety) and thus forego any sort of#'bready' thing entirely and just get the bowl of beans/onion/tomato (I'd leave the avocado since I don't like the#texture of them really lol). THEN I'd have $1 left to get the milk or the black tea... increasing my total of random drinks..#which is always the goal of course.. as a chronic ''person who is sipping at 5 different drinks at their desk simultaneously always'' perso#OR... I could just do.. waffle. scrambled eggs. sausage. mushrooms. and black coffee and orange juice.. which is... okay variety#augh... so difficult.. As my Ideal Breakfast is like a buffet type thing or something where you have like 25 different things to choose fro#and can get a little tiny bit of everything. My eating style is very much like.. I'd rather pick at a small amount of a ton of#different things than just have a very large amount of only one or two things. Thats why I LOVE sample platter type stuff.#So it's like... augh... the ideal option would be a tiny portion of EVERYTHING actually lol...#Difficult to choose...#ANYWAY.. Also no idea why I added croissant instead of bagel. I only thought about that afterwards. I do actually like bagels.#I've only ever even had a croissant like 2 times in my entire life. Yet I've had many bagels. For some reason it stuck out in my mind more#when I was considering 'essential breakfast foods' somehow... how could I forget them... bagels my beloved...#Blame it on the hot weather... 'What in the blazes? The sun hath obliterated the concept of bagels from my miind!'#(< meant to be said in a silly overdramatic elderly wizard accent or something)#Also I don't think ''bowl of beans. onion. avocado. and tomatos.'' is necessarily a breakfast classic or something gbhjjh#but I was just trying to think of a versatile vegetable-ish side that could be full of common breakfast additions#so people could do stuff like ''oh I get the toast option and then the bowl of stuff and I put the avocado on the toast'' etc.#Like a mix and match. You could mix ingredients from different parts. You could put scrambled eggs and bacon and onion#on the bread or soemthing. etc. I just feel like something is always missing if a Full Breakfast Spread#doesnt have some sort of onions or beans or mushrooms or asparagus or spinach like... some sort of thing that isn't just eggs and meat and#bread.. you know? lol..#But then again.. I am the Sampling Plate Style Variety Lover and Tiny Portion Of Food Picker so maybe thats just a me thing.
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I am just as nitpicky as anybody else when it comes to characters I'm obsessed with. But I don't find people who mischaracterize them nearly as annoying as people who write condescending posts about others who mischaracterize them which seem more motivated by feeding their own superiority complex about Being The One Person to Understand Mr Blorbo rather than giving any constructive advice.
#like. listen we know theres a bit of a problem with media literacy at the moment#but is making teenagers feel stupid for the way they interpret a fictional guy REALLY that deep?#really?#disclaimer: when i say mischaracterize i mean like. simply not understanding certain personality traits and motivations. harmless stuff#not assumptions that are based in bigoted stereotypes#anyway. yes im sure you understand The Character better than anybody. i believe you#im sure we all have a superiority complex about The Character#but also i think we should maybe take a step back and listen to ourselves every once in a while#and wonder if we maybe sound a bit obnoxious
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head in hands like "maybe i should have realized this about myself sooner" as i am surrounded by neon flashing signs that Very Clearly Indicate the thing i should have realized about myself sooner
#anyway i'm just mulling about the 'tism skdjfhgljhdfg#thinking about how i've been having a hard time on site with my internship because i struggle to make small talk with my superiors#and everything is uncomfortable and terrible all of the time and i feel so so out of my depth#but talking with my university superior about the methodology of our profession#has me feeling like i'm playing just dance on extreme and i'm nailing every single beat w#like quite literally is like one of those rhythm games where when you get a combo it plays a cool sound effect#and i'm playing so well the sound effects are overlapping and the screen is just an explosion of stars w#so yeah i am. very comfortable talking academics and theory and things but. shit in social situations.#when i don't have that to rely on whoops#anyway it's just another thing on the incredibly long list of things i have building in my mind of#'why i should have realized i'm probably on the spectrum sooner'#the thrilling sequel to 'how did i go 20+ years without realizing i have ADHD' w#(speaking of)#(the way my ADHD has been leaping into the spotlight this week)#(biggest highlight was being jumpscared not once)#(not twice!!)#(but THREE times by food i had bought for myself)#(put down briefly)#(and then forgotten about for upwards of 30 minutes to 5 hours)#(like the other day i bought myself a little pastry on the way home as a congrats for surviving another week)#(and i put it on the table when i came inside)#(but i. forgot i did that. and went like 4 hours without even thinking about it)#(until i got up and left my room and saw the bag and went '! ! ! ! ! ! ! OH MY GO D MY PASTRY NOOOOOOO')#(the adhd and the autism . . . . they are attacking my ass . . . . . )
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i only want love triangles if it's whatever fucked up polygon junmo kicheol and euijeong have going on
#the worst of evil#ranting#idk how to articulate how juicy it is#junmo's fierce protectiveness of his wife - he trusts her but can't help his jealousy fear or frustration while trapped in the situation#euijeong hurting but putting her own life on the line worried for her husband while unpacking the memories of her first love#she can't help but sympathize with kicheol and what he's endured; haven't seen much of how she feels rn but it must be c o n f l i c t e d#(not necessarily even in a romantic way but wanting to root for a person chasing their goals who was once so important to you)#(all while grieving her mother without the support of her literal goddamn spouse by her side)#and kicheol. also grieving and trying to establish a place for himself and his crew yet drawn to junmo despite the red flags#his panic and desperation when jungmo bled out on him which must have triggered his own memories of losing taeho#junmo who has every reason to despise kicheol barely concealing his general rage but protects him like it's second nature at every turn#all while conflicted as a bystander to atrocities (and now willfully leaving another cop to die to protect himself his wife and the mission#getting mentally and physically pummeled left and right just bc his superiors demand it from him#all to please euijeong's family by using the promotions to prove himself and get rid of the stigma weighing him down#like !!!#and haven't even touched on kicheol wooing euijeong against his buddy's wishes and in such a pure heart fluttering way#accepting the risk for a second chance to bathe in the bright light she used to shine on his life#OMG AND BIBI'S ENTRANCE!! junmo realizing her interest gives him leverage and agency but struggling to use it to his advantage#it's soooo messy and i'm obsessed#that funeral arc is gonna haunt me for years#as is the tension during the pat down which def was supposed to be like a gang pride/dignity/lack of power against the jp folks thing#also testing their relationship and responsibilites as leader subordinate#but felt charged around whether kicheol would protest or junmo would accept the manhandling in totally different 👀 ways#goddamn i wrote an essay and this doesn't even scratch the surface of the meat of the show#tldr; i have many many feelings and for once the 'love triangle' isn't making me gauge out my own eyeballs#it's about power it's about raising the stakes and revealing things about the characters w/o dominating the plot
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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now this, this is fascinating!
even before any kind of reveal, test tube is under the impression that a contestant's existence is dependent on the game they're in -- she doesn't think this season should exist, that it's a mistake, and likewise, she doesn't think these contestants should exist either, that they're a mistake too: a mistake as a by-product of the mistake that is inanimate insanity infinity ever occurring as a season. she doesn't even think that these new characters could've already existed, living their own lives, just recruited by salt and pepper... no, she thinks they were made. and...
...oh. damn.
yeah okay the twist wasn't even a twist, was it?
#melonposting#ii spoilers#ii 16 spoilers#also... there's a point made that all of the contestants here are zany and unserious like lightbulb#which is why she initially gets along with them. because in a lot of ways she's the same#you can imagine both they and lightbulb were made that way as contestants. that's the archetype they were made to full#but lightbulb has been able to develop past just that. she's more. she's not a flat character#maybe it has to do with the fact that she was actually able to compete in the competition? like these guys can't?#lightbulb becomes disillusioned with them because they're her at her most 1-dimensional state#though it's funny -- salt and pep seem to hate their competitors#every time they're generated they end up like this. zany and unserious and ultimately annoying#which suggests that they're not consciously crafting each character#i wonder if it has anything to do with the mephone who generates them? or if it's salt and pep's subconscious (possibly like mephone4)?#it's also fascinating how salt and pepper see the contestants as weird and below them. that the two of them are the only normal ones#the very act of creating them makes them feel superior........ something something.............................#also this is a side note but it's very funny and sad how lighty and tt can win by feeding off of pepper's insecurity#about salt not really liking or respecting her#augh!!!#her 'latching on' to salt...... makes me think of her ii1 elimination and then how salt proceeded to fixate on oj instead#leaving pepper to pine for her somewhat even when they reunited :(
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i really think the US should fund spanish lessons starting in elementary school on a national level
#i think the national attitude towards spanish is really embarrassing...#and ok semi-unrelated but the guy i was involved w in college who always wanted to make me feel stupid over every thing#tried to tell me that my spanish minor was a waste of time and not useful#guess what language he studied#german#😐 ok if u never leave the midwest i guess#but he was like no german is the superior language in every way. why would you study spanish there's no point#but he also told me as a linguistics major ''no one uses python'' so really it was just anything *i* studied that had to be silly
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idg bullies bc if you think someone is committing some sort of social sin... why aren't u stepping in to help them, why are you watching them fuck up? clearly its important enough to you that you try to socially punish the fellow, if this is a social cause you are so very impassioned about, why not help that person not fuck up?
or... did you just want to laugh at someone fucking up? bc at that point you're providing nothing to anyone besides just being an asshole but hey ig some people are proud of their assholes so
#to me its just an unnecessary energy#like i have shit to do i have chores to go home and get to why are you wasting both of our time being an ass#what is this doing for anyone besides fueling your narcissism#cool bud happy for you and your fleeting superiority complex as soon as i leave the room#i wonder how you make yourself feel like you're better than everyone when im not around- oh yeah its bc you go online#and spread your disease-like assholery elsewhere so then everyone becomes an asshole and no ones happy#no one can be sincere... everything hidden under a million layers of irony... stuffing every last emotion down bc emotions are cringe#or whatever...#idk. i dont like the artificiality of every social interaction these days. i feel like the only genuine ppl i meet are like. old ladies lol#everyones always got some sort of scheme or some shit... older ladies only care about talking about tea n knitting n shit#you think an old lady has any reason to be shitting on anyone? when shes probably living her best lil humble life?#theyre old they dont have the energy or time to hate anymore all they wanna see are things to love and hey i think everyone should#try to see the world that way. they know they dont got a lot of time left so they're more appreciative and nicer (usually)#you never know when you'll run out of time so why not start appreciating now?#why spread hate when you can be love. cheesy but its true
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i really wish i'd stop assuming i'm in trouble whenever someone tries to get my attention. bar owner calls me? i've fucked up. co-worker says my name? i've missed something crucial and everyone wants a refund. my brother in christ i would like to stop living like a neurotic horse for fiVE FUCKING MINUTES
#essa's shenanigans#it's exhausting#every damn time#i don't even have any superiors IM THE SUPERIOR#why do i constantly feel like i've done something wrong#always telling people “no worries either way”#I AM WORRIED BOTH WAYS#PLUS A SECRET THIRD WAY
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I have to admit, the media literacy abilities I see some people displaying all around social media when it comes to Baldur’s Gate 3 is so irrevocably in the negatives it’s almost jarring.
#ari.txt#text#this is just me thinking out loud and in no ways i feel somehow superior to these people#but it’s honestly sad to me how some of them#found a way to have beef with every single character they don’t deem fuckable#just cause they put zero effort in understanding their story#and i mean everyone should play in their own way. it’s meant to be fun sure#and if you dislike someone it’s your opinion#but man#i keep seeing these weirdly heated and hateful comments about idk gale or lae’zel recriminating a bunch of things that leave me kinda??#why are you worked up if you clearly didn’t even try to understand the narrative lmao#dudes wanting to fuck shadowheart for her pretty face but getting zero context for her actions and still calling her a bitch#people hyperfocusing in on astarion and saying horrible things about the others#again. you do you but maybe it’s not really the flex you think it is#you can like that one character without bashing (OR STRAIGHT UP IGNORING LIKE WYLL) the others#idk just some thoughts i have about the god awful terrible takes i’ve seen around
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I love it when milkvan accounts have "the superhero and the heart 💜💙" in their bios, like yesss address her by exactly what she doesn't wanna be seen as, and him as how his other love interest standing in the way of milkvan sees him
I can honestly say it's gotten to a point where I feel bad? Like, completely separate from byler obviously, just seeing some of their takes on things, it makes me feel pity almost because their interpretation of what's happening is just so superficial and yet they truly believe it's the most beautiful love story on the planet.
I'm not even the type of byler that hates milkvan tbh. I am a byler that was a milkvan back in the day. Like, I hate to admit this, I hate it so much, but I literally remember rewatching season 2 to prepare for s3's release and I skipped all of s2 practically so I could get to the end to rewatch their reunion! I was that bad!
For those that don't know, s2 was seen as like a big risk from Netflix's perspective, because they were scared that the show would tank since El wasn't with the boys again, specifically Mike, for the entire season. And so I can honestly say, at one point, I contributed to a large sector of fans back then who thought it was the Mike and El show and ended up missing a lot as a result. Though, upon coming across theories post s3 (Mike in front of the closet in Will's room was what opened my eyes officially), I remember rewatching s2 and seeing that shed scene and feeling instantly that it was romantic... And so apparently, all it took was me actually watching it instead of skipping over it to realize....
So that's probably a part of the problem for them still, is that they're watching the milkvan scenes with undivided attention (with rose-tinted goggles), and they're glossing over everything else. Even now, with one season left we still see them downplay Mike and Will's relationship by saying Mike hates Will? And that alone could not make it more obvious that they do not actually watch the show.
Most bylers on the other-hand are capable of watching milkvan scenes, multiple times, like we analyze them to death. And most of us are coming from a good place, genuinely trying to understand these two characters and where they are both coming from. Though, I have yet to see a byler scene be analyzed by milkvans? Like they just don't talk about them beyond downplaying them both romantically and platonically? I'm convinced they've seen every byler scene maybe once bc they were forced to on the first watch but they've avoided their scenes ever since... Not great for their ability to understand the show obviously.
Many of them do in fact view that first meeting in the woods as like them falling in love at first sight. And genuinely, A LOT of people got hooked on Stranger Things in the first place because of Mike and El and them sort of viewing all of their interactions as irrefutably romantic.
And that isn't inherently bad! It's not! But now when you add Will in the mix, you start to see the hypocrisy seep in through the cracks. And it's because by comparison, they view fans merely speculating about Mike's potential feelings for Will as something to be seen as perverted or gross. And so that for me, is when I sort of start to question the groundwork of milkvan.
Because quite frankly, I didn't see any of these people getting angry and defensive about how gross 99% of the audience was for shipping Mike and El in s1-2. As far as I can remember, the show was a hit in large part because it followed this very successful trope of self insert nerdy boy meets girl who is way more 'cool' than him, and people ate that shit up bc we always do. It's what we're used to. It's safe. From what I recall, no one had any problem with Mike trying to kiss El in his basement bathroom after like 3 days of knowing her, during a very traumatic time in their lives and only specifically after Lucas implied Mike was already in love with her and wanted to marry her at this point.
They saw that and said, that's love bitch.
And bylers say this all the time, but it is absolutely true: If the roles were reversed, if El was the best friend of Mike's who went missing and instead Will was a boy they found in the woods while looking for her, fans would have been saying this is obviously a best friends to lovers story between Mike and El!!!.. And that bathroom scene? If that happened between Mike and Will? They would have saw that and said what the fuck kind of sick shit is this.? And maybe it would have been in large part because the circumstances at play, bc it doesn't really matter to me personally when it comes to that situation whether it was a girl and a boy or a boy and a boy, it was an odd choice to make, plain and simple. And that's what I'm trying to say here. That to them, one is true love, and one is disturbing.
Mike's known Will longer. If he is queer (he is), then it's very likely he did have a crush on Will at the time he met El, not necessarily super consciously or anything. But even despite that, I don't think Mike would have felt comfortable with kissing Will in that situation, nor any other boy or girl. They prove this when Mike's makes that comment in s2, chastising Dustin and Lucas for merely being interested in getting to know Max, despite never having spoken a word to her? Like that tells you right there the circumstances and everything at play is what led Mike to try to kiss El in that moment, a moment that was unprecedented and never would have happened in any other scenario.
Even in the case they found Will in the woods instead of El, I don't even think that scene would have happened either? And this is because the whole point of it was for El to ask Mike if she was still pretty despite having a buzz cut (looking like a boy like everyone in the story has been hinting at us that entire season), for Mike to say pretty, really pretty, only for him to look visibly uncomfortable with himself, followed by trying to overcorrect this moment by kissing her.
That scene wouldn't make sense with Mike and Will bc it was happening in the first place because of heteronormativity. And it existing and people thinking it's like peak romance, is in and of itself proving the hypocrisy of an audience that is eventually going to call Will and Mike ending up together, coming out of nowhere and perverted...
Bc you just know if El was Mike's best friend, they never would have had any interest in Will as this boy they found with superpowers. They would have got those scenes of Mike looking everywhere for El and instantly latched onto the boy/girl slow-burn best friends to lovers trope.
The crazy together scene???? If that scene was between Mike and his best friend El, fans would have been rooting for it to end in a kiss... Why do you think the Duffers had that awkward long pause at the end? They were nodding to the fact that this audience is willing to see one thing, but not the other. Even when the thing they're willing to see is overcast by things that should make you a little bit more critical of it in the first place.
Putting Will or any other boy in El's place in that scene in the bathroom or other moments between Mike and El in s1 would have completely removed the romantic lens for most of the audience back then, and it's because... wait for it... HETERONORMATIVITY!
We as a society see a boy and a girl being nice to each other and pressure them to make it official. Hell no a boy and a girl can't just close friends. Either one of them is harboring secret feelings or one of them is gay.
Heteronormativity is literally why most of society latched onto these 2 characters, not necessarily the pieces that made up the whole. And so they have to make up excuses despite the circumstances bc it is so normalized that they don't think twice about it, because they've never had to think twice about it up to this point.
Stories have always catered to them. In fact, the stories we've been exposed to our whole lives has created the expectations we have in the first place.
And so like... I do feel bad but only bc I'm a decent person and don't like to see people hurting genuinely.
No doubt I will feel satisfaction seeing some folks who were hurtful to bylers get a taste of their own medicine, but I genuinely hope that they can eventually learn to accept it and appreciate the story for what the Duffers intend it to be when it's all said and done.
As for the superhero and the heart... again, I feel bad like genuinely, I don't know how to even explain the unnecessary guilt I feel that these strangers who I don't even know are going to be whiplashed tf out of next season...
#stranger things#anti milkvan#sorry that i sort of went off on a tangent#i just don't feel like i'm the type of byler to hate milkvan?#maybe it's bc ive reached a point where i feel zero threat to like byler or whatever?#but that's the thing#it's not even about shipping byler and like wanting them to be together#i've just been along for the ride this whole time and going along with what's presented#and byler is obvious to me based on the evidence#and so i like talking about it and analyzing it bc there is so much to still discover#if byler didn't happen i wouldn't like be heartbroken#i would just be like 100% genuinely confused#bc i'm not here bc i'm like queerbaited constantly#i'm here bc i like tv shows and movies and get fixated on ones that are smart and interesting every other year#and st is the fixation rn#and byler is like the life and blood atp#bc there's just soooooooo much!#hopefully milkvans will allow themselves to rewatch byler scenes finally post s5...#bc you just know most of them can't bc it makes it near impossible to convince themselves milkvan is superior...#like... it's obvious the show doesn't want you to feel that way by the end of s4#so...#but it's inevitable they'll have to choose between being bitter forever or just simply accepting it and appreciating it for what it is#i wish them all well#besides like genuine homophobes who are pieces of shit#i look forward to them saying this was fanservice or last minute or something#that will be... peak entertainment
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Thinking about geto because I want to pour milk on him and throw him against the wall. Imo his beliefs are inconsistent and self serving (which makes sense because he developed said beliefs at age 16/17 while his mental health was at an all time low). Because while he seems to have the primary motive of "only sorcerers = no curses" taking into account how he treats Maki, who has no cursed energy, it shows that the "no curses" thing isnt the main focus- bc while he decided on tbe "forced evolution" thing, theoretically he should not be Opposed to ppl w heavenly restriction bc. They still fuckin. Don't contribute to curses from what I can tell. Also heavenly restriction is pretty obviously something that is punished by uh. Is it just the Zenin's who have it. Anyway they hated Maki and they Hated Toji so he clearly isn't standing for "oppressed sorcerers" bc if so Maki should be like. The kind of person he wants to help more, as someone who would be oppressed by ppl who aren't sorcerers as well as the powerful clans.
Anyway. While getting rid of curses is for sure part of his motivation, as well as helping sorcerers (see Nanako and Mimiko) id honestly argue that his main problem that lead to him spiraling was. How do I put this. Being knocked off a pedestal
Because he was one of 3 people given the ranking of "Special Grade", and he and satoru are grouped as "the strongest". And consider that satoru comes from a powerful clan and literally has some weird omniscience and invincibility shit going on so that's a whole fucking. That's gotta be a wild ego boost, especially for someone who comes from a family of ppl who aren't sorcerers. Like you spend all this time being a fuckin weirdo and then someone finds you and it turns out you're actually incredibly special and strong, given the same rank as a fucking God Child? You're gonna have some wild self perceptions after that
Anyway then you get to watch your invincible friend get stabbed, watch the girl you became friends with and feel shitty about kinda ruining the life of get shot, and get your whole shit rocked by some guy who can't even use the magic power bullshit you have. (Though he's got a whole physical thing going on because of the trade off)
Also writing all of this out actually makes me understand the Cult Leader progression more, like besides the fact they killed ur friend and you want em dead. You're probably struggling with your ego (especially since your weird God like friend got a whole power boost from the situation) so you create a fucking eugenicist cult where you can consistently prove your superiority to yourself (surrounding yourself with people who will agree with everything you say).
Anyway in a similar vein I wholely believe in "a loving father is not inherently a good father" Suguru + Nanako & Mimiko dynamic
Final thought is roughly I feel like looking at Suguru thru the lense of "this character had a level of privilege that they felt they truly deserved, and after experiencing events that are genuinely traumatic and horrific for any person, they develop reactionary beliefs to try and regain a sense of superiority and control" rather than "oppressed minority who killed oppressors and wants to do eugenics"
#Eugenics TW#cult TW#ask to tag#Suguru when I catch you#Anyway this was me thinking Abt the fact that Toji ISNT a normal human. He just can't use jujutsu. He's like supernaturally powerful anyway#So Geto's whole shit is like. Pretty misdirected. Though also personal thought is I don't think His parents were good (and he's projecting#That onto every other person who's not a sorcerer) mostly cause like. Going straight to murdering your parents is not really expected#Progression in eugenics id think? Bc if you posit urself as the ''superior'' person theoretically ur parents should also b part of that#Bc genetics or whatever. Idk how genetic sorcery shit is but even tho his parents Weren't sorcerers usually ppl would make excuses I think#So. Basically I feel like he probably did not have a great relationship w them. Not that that makes him any better more just like. Thinking#Through what's happening in his head...why the fuck did he decide on a different last name for that woman. WTF is wrong with him#I am suguru's number 1 LOVER and his number 1 HATER. I'm suffering bc none of the fanfic makes him enough of a bitch#It's really fucking something bc like. Looking at him as someone who's had similar thought progressions and is unlearning the kind of toxic#Black/white extremist thinking he has going on. It's cathartic in a way to deconstruct that and be able to analyze my own thoughts as well#But then no one is putting in the effort to actually engage with his ideas and the flaws in them (INCLUDING THE AUTHOR.)#Anyway most people when they have a crisis and reach an extremely bad mental health situation would join a cult rather than take over a cul#But suguru is different. That's why I love him and also why I'm going to break his ribs.#Diversity win this autistic trans guy fucking sucks so bad you want him dead#I need to tag these damn posts w something but I'm too lazyyyu
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(big text post that kind of starts in the middle of a thought but it's my blog so it's fine) (re: twitter)
the thing with people viewing (twt) lando fans as "haters" or "hypocrites" is that in my view, a lot of lando fans are doing it in a mostly retaliatory way, a kind of "you all nitpick and hate on lando for no reason so now i'm gonna do it to your drivers, to be fair/for you to get a taste of your medicine/as revenge bc i want you to suffer the way i did." and furthermore a lot of people nitpicking/pulling out tiny moments from other drivers are doing it in a "if lando did this he would be CRUCIFIED" way and not a "look at this tiny moment that is for real so horrible and disgusting; now send hate" way, and then it gains traction and kind of morphs into something else/actual hate/general discourse that just appears to outsiders as "wow all these people are genuinely upset over this tiny moment and they're yelling at each other/the driver on twitter about it." even many qrts that appear to be straight-up hate, as someone who knows the accounts, are doing it in a "well you've lowered the bar previously so now i'm just stooping to your level. see? how does this feel, hmm?" kind of way. it's all very chip-in-shoulder.
and that's not something i've personally seen from many other fanbases—when they hate on lando (or whoever), they do it in a direct "look at this loser" or "how dare he say this horrible thing" etc way, and i much more rarely see the "my driver would NEVER be allowed to do this; therefore HE (other driver) deserves to be punished for it" sentiment. (and this is very likely because those other drivers have received less widespread online hate to cause this knee-jerk reaction in their fanbases; and, in particular, less hate due specifically to nitpicked out-of-context moments/twisted words/pure misinformation. which i'll say is the most frustrating brand of hate)
and obviously if this continues other fanbases will start doing the same back and it'll be this cycle of "how's a taste of your own medicine you hypocrites" over and over and furthermore this is largely an internet/twitter phenomenon which, echo chambers and reactive communities. but still. and there's no moral or solution to this; it's just something i've noticed.
#as someone in the community i see “but if lando did this...” tweets ALL THE TIME#most of them don't gain traction in the way the max redline thing did#which (at least from what i saw on my limited twitter perusing of late) spiraled super out of control#but this rhetoric is not uncommon. and i get the feeling most ppl outside of the community don't understand where/how exactly it started#my thoughts#there's a lot i've been biting my tongue on bc i will not be one of those people who reacts and responds to every bit of twitter discourse#i like to think i'm above that. yes in a superiority complex way. i'm simply Too Elevated to be spending my energy arguing etc etc#(insert nuance)#but basically this means my drafts are chock full and like. i kind of do want to share some thoughts. generally.#because i have many. and honestly what else is having my own personal blog for
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"Well, even in toothache there is enjoyment," I answer. I had toothache for a whole month and I know there is. In that case, of course, people are not spiteful in silence, but moan; but they are not candid moans, they are malignant moans, and the malignancy is the whole point. The enjoyment of the sufferer finds expression in those moans; if he did not feel enjoyment in them he would not moan. [. . . .] Those moans express in the first place all the aimlessness of your pain, which is so humiliating to your consciousness; the whole legal system of nature on which you spit disdainfully, of course, but from which you suffer all the same while she does not. They express the consciousness that you have no enemy to punish, but that you have pain [. . . .] His moans become nasty, disgustingly malignant, and go on for whole days and nights. And of course he knows himself that he is doing himself no sort of good with his moans; he knows better than anyone that he is only lacerating and harassing himself and others for nothing [. . . .] Well, in all these recognitions and disgraces it is that there lies a voluptuous pleasure. As though he would say: "I am worrying you, I am lacerating your hearts, I am keeping everyone in the house awake. Well, stay awake then, you, too, feel every minute that I have toothache.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground
#what a different way to process pain from Imai's#sadly there are a few 'malignant moaners' in every community#include ours#we all grieve#but malignant moaners wallow in it and demand you wallow too#they speak in black and white absolutes#if they really believed the band were 'done' they would just walk away#instead they impose their commitment to suffering on others#if they can extend their own pain artificially then they can convince themselves that they don't have to be better and#if they can make their own beliefs a reality then they can feel superior about being 'right'#I would rather honor the dead#I would rather support the living#I would rather do what little I can in the world to make the way clear for the next great humans (artists and otherwise)#WOULDN'T YOU?
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Tell me how does it feel When your heart grows cold? How does it feel? How should I feel? Tell me how does it feel To treat me like you do?
#aliasedit#alias#irina derevko#julian sark#userthing#irina x sark#irina x khasinau#isplus#myedit#that sark/khasinau gif... the pure hatred in khasinau's eyes... INSANE.#khasinau feeling threatened by a 20 year old will NEVER not be funny. i mean he was right. he was literally right. right about everything.#he knew that irina was planning on killing him and that sark was counting on her to do it. knew that sark was on his way to replacing him.#knew that irina and sark were already making plans together - plans that did not involve him in any way.#and it's insane to think about how he probably watched sark grow up. probably knew him as a child.#probably didn't take him seriously - didn't see him as a threat - until it was too late.#and after he realized what was happening - he also realized how many chances he had to put a stop to it.#and how it wouldn't have mattered anyway. killing sark in his sleep when he was ten years old wouldn't have fixed anything.#irina would've just started all over again with someone else. because she had always intended to replace him with someone younger.#with someone who had no life before her. with someone EASILY impressed EASILY manipulated EASILY led.#the reason why she'd choose sark over khasinau - khasinau who she first met when she was eighteen;#khasinau who was her kgb superior; who followed her into the criminal world;#who chose her over his past over his family over his country over every single person in his life;#who stayed by her side in her shadow now content with following HER orders -#the ONLY reason the ONLY explanation possible is that she was there to follow sark's progress from the very beginning.#she was there when he saw a gun for the first time in his life. and she was there when he first killed someone.#she was there every step of the way. and she knows him better than he knows himself.#and she'd choose sark over khasinau because khasinau knows what it's like to have power over her and use that power against her.#and putting him in a situation where he might be tempted to again is unthinkable. he might remember what it's like - to have freedom.#sark doesn't want freedom from her. she made sure of it. surrendering to the cia when it's sark on the outside is a better option.#like who would you choose. someone you made from clay all by yourself or someone who used to control your life when you were eighteen.
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