#i feel so insecure talking about my music stuff on here because god i got shit on about it and so im jst v overprotective of it

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

my friend: i want to listen to more music :(

my friend: billy. you should send me some of your music. show me some sick metal punk whatever music.

me: *shaking with excitement anxiety in the corner*

me: w-what...?

also me: okay so like... *inserts spotify links*

enemy of the world - four year strong

letters to our former selves - youth fountain

tribulation worksongs - modern life is war

let it enfold you - senses fail

turn on the bright lights - interpol

misery made me - silverstein

for when you're falling backwards - rome hero foxes

lifes not out to get you - neck deep

my friend: GODDAMN

my friend: thanks for the music

[rafeandonlyrafe]

safe

words: 1.1k

warnings: home break in (not really described though), drug dealer!rafe and reader, pregnant!reader, husband!rafe

“r-rafe.” your voice is timid and shaky, so unlike what rafe is normally used to hearing. he instantly knows something is off, wrong.

“baby, what is it?” rafe asks into the phone, wishing he could see your face right now, could read the emotion in your expression.

“something uh-something happened. the police are here.”

“shit, are you alright?” rafe is suddenly moving away from the party, needing the noise of music from the live band and people talking and laughing to stop drowning out your words. “is the baby alright? did barry get caught?”

“yeah, we are both fine.” you press your hand against your stomach, the spot your baby always kicks, glad when you feel her stomp against your skin, reminding you she's okay, even if you don't currently feel like you are. “its not the business. there were some um… robbers.”

“what?” rafe shouts, knowing he probably just made you jump over the phone, but he can't help the loud reaction, needing more information, and needing it now.

“yeah they came into the house. i hid in the closet, but they found me. they didn't do anything, just shoved me a bit. they did take a lot of the jewelry you got me, i don't know what else, you'll have to talk to the police and give them a full invento-”

“shit, y/n!” rafe interrupts you. “i don't care about our stuff! i only care about you and the baby. im coming home right now.”

“okay.” you whisper over the phone. “im sitting on the front porch.”

“and police are watching you?” rafe asks, hurrying to his car, not bothering to explain to anyone his sudden leaving as he tears out of the parking lot.

“yeah, they're here. don't worry, im safe. i don't think they even had weapons, at least none that i saw.” rafe can hear you take a shuddering breath, his heart breaking that he wasn't there with you, foot pressing down even harder on the pedal to get him there faster. “the police think they broke in and expected no one to be home because of midsummers.”

you look down, rubbing your hand over your belly. “guess they didn't expect me to be home because none of my heels fit anymore and even the maternity dresses make me look like a whale.” you mean it as a joke, but it has tears flowing down your eyes, wishing you would have just sucked up your insecurities and gone with rafe. you still would have got robbed, but without the trauma of being there during the break in.

“im two minutes, baby. two minutes and you'll be safe in my arms.” rafe tries to keep his voice calm for you, but it's a struggle.

“i… i just wanna be safe.” you mutter the last words of the call, voice breaking as you begin to sob. rafe hears an officer try to calm you, but he knows it won't work, knows the only thing you need is him.

he parks haphazardly behind the police cars, fully blocking the street without a care in the world, not even taking the car keys out as he runs across the yard, sprinting until he reaches you.

“im here.” his arms are finally around your shoulders. “im here.”

you continue to sob, only lessened by pressing your face into rafes chest as he cradles you, even managing to pull you onto his lap despite your protruding baby bump.

“ive got you, princess.” rafe kisses the top of your head, continuing his reassuring words, the police officers giving you some space, but not retreating any farther than the steps leading onto the porch.

“oh my god, i was so scared.” you whine out, managing to blink back your tears enough to look at rafe.

“im so sorry baby.” rafe sighs. “i should have been here.”

“no.” you shake your head. “you had to go to midsummers. it's okay.”

“as soon as you said you weren't coming, i should have canceled it. should have never left my pregnant wife at home alone. im the worst fucking husband.” rafe knows his words aren't comforting, but he needs to make sure you know that he is the one to blame for what happened.

“what?” you press your fingers against rafes cheeks. “you couldn't have known, baby.”

“i still should have been here.” rafe leans in, taking your mouth in a strong kiss. “i love you, baby.”

“oh my god, you're not gonna leave my side for the next year, are you?” you let out a tiny laugh, the noise relieving rafe, loosening some of the tension in his chest.

“definitely not, my love.” rafe pulls you closer.

“thank you for coming so quickly.” you whisper, letting your head rest against rafes chest. “i really am okay. just freaked out.”

“don't worry, baby.” rafes voice suddenly changes tone. “the second they try to sell any of your jewelry, ill find them. they won't make it far at all. ill make sure they can never hurt you or anyone else ever again.”

you know you should tell rafe to let the police handle it, to not get personally involved in clearly dangerous men, but any man who lays their hands on a pregnant woman doesn't deserve to breathe, let alone only be punished to a few months in jail like what would no doubtabley happen if you went the legal way.

“im surprised you haven't called barry already.” you laugh softly, knowing he will be just as pissed as rafe. you came into their life and helped expand the business, turning them from lowly dealers to something bigger, better. still dealing, of course, but offering protection and other services as well.

“figure id let the police leave first.” rafe rubs your back, glad that you're slowly getting back to your jokey and sharp witted self. “before he insisted on being your personal armed guard until those guys are put in the ground.”

“yeah, once baby girl pops, im going to have to ask him to teach me to shoot. just in case anything like this happens again.” you feel bad that you relied so heavily on rafes protection, that you let yourself slack to the point where an emergency arose and you hid in the closet instead of grabbing a glock.

“hey, what about me?” rafe whines, knowing he'd never let another man teach you how to shoot, not even your joint business partner barry.

“fine.” you joke, sighing and sliding off rafes lap. “you better go talk to the police about what else might be missing. i wouldn't let them snoop around.”

you don't keep anything illicit in your house, but just in case you weren't about to give the law open access to your home.

“in a minute.” rafe keeps his arms around you, not willing to let you move too far from his hold. “need to just keep my wife in my arms for a few minutes longer.”

you look out onto the sky, the stars glimmering in the darkness of light, allowing yourself to take a full, deep breath, at peace held in your husband's arms.

taglist: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid

[anon1nn1t]

please give me everything u can fit in a post about Mr snapchat NSFW and SFW I am DESPERATE it is so hard to find genuine hcs about him he's so over looked >;((

also just found ur account and am in love with everything u have written so far mate can't wait to see more from you, take care of yourself today!!

Stop this is so kind. 🥹🫶 And you’re so right about Sapnap being over looked !! But don’t worry, I’ve got your back. :) Just like my George hcs, I wil add more to this over time. * Also, to the person who sent the ask about Dream, I’m working on it !! *

Feel free to request !

SFW:

He’s actually such a sleepyhead.

He’s always hunting you down to ask you to cuddle with him so he can take a nap, falling asleep against your shoulder/knee whenever you’re busy.

Sure, he can sleep without you, but if he has the choice, he will always choose to sleep with you in his presence, since it helps him sleep better.

Secretly has so many pictures of you sleeping.

He’s sooo clingy

Constantly kissing you, hugging you, touching you in every way he possibly can.

But as clingy as he is, he knows when he needs to give you some space.

He has some major jealousy issues.

If any man other than him simply looks at you, he will give him a death stare, squeezing your thigh, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

It’s not that he doesn't trust you; of course he does; he’s just possessive. You’re his and his only, and he wants everybody to know it.

Constant fake fighting between the two of you.

But if he ever accidentally actually hurt you? He would be an apologizing mess, begging for your forgiveness, when in reality, you were holding back laughter from how hard he was trying when in reality you didn’t care as much as he thought you did.

As we know, Sapnap has a few insecurities, so I feel like he would need a bit of reassurance sometimes.

He would just randomly ask you questions that you always answered the same

"What’s your favorite thing about me?"

"How much do you love me on scale from 1-10?"

"Why are you with me?"

Please just remind him how much you love him.

Hate to break it to you, but he’s definitely a little bitch during fights.

And if you ever tried to kiss him or hug him mid-argument? Ohhh man.

If y’all were to ever get in a fight, just leave him alone. Literally, just walk off; it’s for the best.

He gets angered pretty easily, as we know, so basically just don’t piss him off.

He doesn’t mind pda at all. He doesn't even realize it’s something that some people don't like because it feels so normal to him.

He bases his mood off of yours. Not even on purpose; it just comes naturally.

You’re having a bad day? He’s having a bad day. You’re having the best day of your life? He’s having the best day of his life.

He spoils you so much, maybe even too much.

Anything and everything you want, he will get for you. It eventually gets to the point where you have to stop pointing out stuff you want because he buys it every. time.

He loves loves loves when you wear his clothes.

"Is that my hoodie?"

"Yes, when is it not."

"Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

"It’s just you."

He also loves when you wear dresses/skirts.

He absolutely adores showering with you. Every time you shower together, he’s wishing he could stay in that moment forever and ever.

Late night drives with blasting music ?!?! Instant yes.

Speaking of music, it’s definitely a huge green flag for him if you like his music taste.

He will do everything in his power to protect you and keep you safe.

NSFW:

Do I even need to say he’s dominant ?!

If you ever seriously wanted to try being dominant, he would let you, but it would be followed up right after with him taking over.

I feel like he has a lottt of kinks.

Dirty talk, discipline, humiliation, teasing, overstimulation, daddy kink, orgasm control/denial, etc.

Ass guy 100%

Loves loves loves eating you out.

He loves your thighs so much oh my god 😵‍💫

Continuing off that, he loves to cum on your thighs or inside of you.

Gives you so many markings just to remind you you’re all his.

He’s so rough with you, he just has to give you the sweetest aftercare. :)

I feel like the only times he’d be gentle are early in the morning, late at night, or if one of you needed some comfort.

He totally kisses you the whole time, sloppy kisses, but still kisses.

He would much rather focus on your pleasure than his. You being pleasured brings him pleasure.

His favorite position is either doggy style or reverse cowgirl.

PUBLIC SEX HOLY SHIT …

Every time before he’s about to do something new he will ask you if it’s okay. Ex: Moving from giving you hickeys to eating you out, moving from eating you out to fucking you, etc.

I actually don’t think he’s that experienced…

When you’re not around, he will totally jack off to pictures of you. He has no shame about it.

I feel like he only goes for one or two rounds.

Oh, how he loves to get his hair pulled.

He also loves to be praised so much oh my god.

Overall, he is pretty dominant, but focuses on you more than himself. <3

[otherone12]

If You Don't Like My Chemical Romance, Wait Outside For Your Girlfriend

Gerard Way x Reader

-> Masterlist

A/N: Hey!! So… No one asked me to do this, but I remembered an edit that I saw a while ago, and the intro was Gerard saying “if you don’t like My Chemical Romance, wait outside for your girlfriend”. I Had this idea and the urge to write it (because I’m kinda obsessed with Gerard, sue me). Btw, I'm writing a Mikey x Reader Imagine (what was inspired by The Killers "Mr. Brightside" song), so i'll probably post it this week or next... well, hope you enjoy this fic (:

Summary: You have a shitty boyfriend who bother you when you're in a MCR concert. You're in the front row of the show and Gerard notices all that situation. (I imagine this with the 2007 Gerard era, but it doesn't really matter, except for the show's setlist, because it will be songs from Bullets and Revenge).

-Warnings: Abusive relationship. A lot of curse words.

- Word Count: 1.526

- Ps: Idk if it's fluff, confort, angst... i just dont't know lol

- Ps2: I'll not use y/n…

- Ps3: I'm brazilian, so english is not my first language ... sorry if i wrote something wrong.

___________________________________________

1st Person POV

My 25th birthday was last week, and my mom gave me two tickets to my favorite band’s concert, one for me and another for my boyfriend. He is not a fan of My Chemical Romance, he’s into electronic music and some country stuff (i’ve never understood his taste in music), anyways, he is coming with me. I spent the whole week talking with my friends about how amazing the concert is going to be and how excited I was. 

When the day finally came, I wanted to be one of the first in the row, because even with the premium pass I needed to be sure that I’ll be right in front of the stage. 

I heard my name when I was in my room, dressing up as Helena for the concert. I turned around just to see my boyfriend with a mad look on his face.

- You’re really going to dress like this? - The disgust on his face made me feel a bit insecure about the cosplay.

- What’s wrong about it? - I tried to stay calm, even if I was about to scream at him.

- Nothing. But you never wear dresses, neither on my birthday, and I asked you to! - He walked to my bed and sat, sighed sadly and kept talking - I just don’t understand why this is so special. 

- We’ve been together for five years, and you don’t understand why going to see the band who saved my life is special?  - I spoke calmly, took a deep breath and held my tears. I didn't want to cry on what was supposed to be a happy day.  

- I know that means alot for you, babe, but this shit means more than me? - He increased the volume of his voice.

- I… I’ve never said that! - I let his anger infect me, and now I was screaming like him.

- DID YOU FUCKING HESITED?! - He got up and I really thought that he was going to hit me or something.

- WHY DON’T YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?! I'M TRYING TO GET DRESSED! - At this point, I let my tears pumped out my eyes, accepting the fact that I'll need to redo my makeup.

- FINE! - He slammed the door, leaving me alone in the silent room.

I knew the night wasn’t going to be as good as I planned. 

*** time skip*** 

Arriving at the concert venue, my boyfriend parked the car next to the front door and we got out of the car. I saw just three people. We did it! We were ones of the first to be there.

- Oh my God! I loved your outfit! - The girl in front of us turned to me and said - I was going to dress up like this, but I didn't find the right dress.

- Thank you! I actually made the dress with an old one from my mom’s closet.  

- This is just Impeccable. 

I smiled at her and turned to my boyfriend, who was rolling his eyes. I was so excited that I didn't even care, he wouldn't ruin my day. 

- Are you sure that you want to be here waiting for the show to begin for five hours? - He sounded tired and annoyed, but we were there for just about half an hour. 

- Yeah, I'm sure. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. - I think that if he stays away for a while, he will be nicer or something, but maybe I was a bit rude and he’ll be even more mad - As long as you come for the show when it begins. 

I smiled, trying to make him see that I'm not angry, I was, but he didn't need to know.

- Sure… I'm going to find something to eat. Stay fine, babe.

He gave me a brief kiss and drove away.

*** time skip***

I was finally inside of the building, but my boyfriend didn’t get back for five hours. I was worried because I tried to call him like ten times in the last three hours, but he didn’ answer. I was about to leave, when I saw him coming.

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 

I hugged him in desperation, but he seemed like he just went to the bathroom and got back in two minutes.

- Like I said, I was buying some food.- He gave me a smashed hamburger and I grabbed it with an angry look on my face.

- I was worried! Why didn’t you answer the ten fucking calls?

- My phone was on silent. - The way he seemed to not care made my blood boil. - But I'm here now, right?

- Whatever.

He opened his mouth to say something, but at the same moment, Frank, Mikey, Ray and Gerard stepped on the stage and I couldn't help but scream with the crowd. Without saying anything, “Our Lady of Sorrows” started. I was so close that I could see the color of Gerard's eyes. Was this heaven?

Everything was going really well, but it was a small show, so they kept stopping the show to talk to us. Before playing “Helena” Gerard said:

- Well, the next song is really important for us, and it’s amazing to see that so many people like it too. - He looked down at me and smiled. I forgot how to breathe for a moment. - Your dress is perfect, darling.

I was about to faint.

- T-thanks! - I said, smiling back at him.

My boyfriend gave him a death look, but Gerard just chuckled and started to sing. 

- What the fuck?! - He grabbed my arm and began to talk, loud enough to not be muffled by the music - That was why you dressed like this? to impress him? 

- I dressed like this as a tribute to this song! - I tried to make him let me go, but it didn't work, so he kept holding my arm. - It's not my fault that he noticed!

He huffed and dropped my arm.

- I need a drink.

He walked away to the bar and I stayed watching the show. I was not sure, but I think Gerard saw all that shit happening. By the way, seeing Frank and Ray playing guitar with my own eyes was the most amazing thing ever until now, and Mikey slayed so much with that bass. 

The next song that they played was “The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You”, and I was very enthusiastic about this song. But I haven't any idea of how this was going to end.

I was singing along, and weirdly Gerard walked close to where I was and kneew in front of me. He put his hand on my cheeks, which turned red immediately,  and kept singing “Pull the plug. But I'd like to learn your name. When holding on. Oh, I hope you do the same '' He looked deep into my eyes and continued “Aww, sugar”.

The crowd started to scream again, and my boyfriend turned to see what was happening. The scene made him get out of his mind. I know that a good girlfriend would never let this happen, and I should've backed off, but he has been such a dick since the day started, so I didn't feel blame, shame or anything else. 

- You came here five hours early to be in the front because you knew this was gonna happend! You’re a fucking slut, don’t you? - He never talked to me like that. I got so sad that I couldn't even pay attention to the song.

This sadness became anger so fast, and I pushed him away before he could say any other thing. He tried to grip me in his arms, but I dodged him, bumping into someone next to me, and spilling a drink on my dress. I was about to scream something, but I saw Gerard making a sign to the security guard, who ran to my boyfriend and told him to go away.

- It’s fucking over! - I said to him and went back to see the rest of the show.

At the end, I waited for the people at the back of the crowd to leave, so I could have easy access to leave too.

- Hey! 

I heard and didn’t believe it when I felt a touch on my shoulder. 

- I’m sorry about what happened… I shouldn't have done that - It was Gerard. He was in front of me, just us. - Apropos, I'd really like to learn your name.

We laughed with the reference.

- That’s fine, he was being such an idiot since morning. - I said, giving him a shy smile. I said my name to him and kept talking - By the way, the show was amazing! 

I was chatting with one of my favorite people in the world. I needed to make this not about my, now ex, boyfriend.

- Thanks! Good to know that even with all that shit you could enjoy the show. - He’s so cute, and the way he cares about his fans makes him even more wonderful. - It’s kinda weird but, can I get your number? It’s fine if you don’t want to give, but I find you really pretty and the way you dealt with this whole thing..  

- Sure! 

___________________________________________

~ Well, that's it, lemme know if you like it, and send me your request (;

[sad-ghost-of-garbage]

Ivy Act III

Author: SadGhostofGarbage

David x G/N reader and Michael x G/N reader

Warnings: MDNI! TOXIC relationships, DARK fic, swearing, cheating on a partner, torture, mental manipulation, pet names, David calls himself daddy but like he’s not wrong. Mentions of sex. Reader having insecurities.

This is where things kick up, read the warnings, this is a DARK chapter

Act III SUMMER 

“The kind of stuff that makes me a monster.” 

Michael’s words have been all you could think about. What did they mean? Why would he think himself a monster? Surely Michael would never do something so awful that he could be considered a monster? The weight of his words hung on your neck like a brick. You so desperately wanted to help him, sitting idle and watching his pain made your stomach churn.

Tonight you were torn between being excited and worried. Excited because David invited you to the cave to hangout with him and the boys, worried because you can’t stop thinking about Michael, you wanted to prove to him that he was good and that he wasn’t what he proclaimed himself to be. Entering the cave was always tricky and this time was no different as you stumbled into the main cavern. The music was already playing and it seemed the boys were already up to shenanigans. David caught you as you stumbled and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. 

“You ready for one hell of a night kitten?” He starts leading you over to the middle of the room. “I can’t wait for you to meet our good friend,” with his other arm he makes a sweeping gesture over to a figure who was currently preoccupied by politely listening to one of Paul’s rants. A figure that made you stiffen and your heart stop. “Michael, come over here and meet my beloved.” Turning at the sound of his name Michael’s eyes fill  with shock and horror as his gaze meets yours. Michael had known you were in a relationship. That technically you were someone else's, but that didn’t stop either of you from exploring the feelings and sensations that you felt when together. Michael just hadn’t known you were in a relationship with David. “Look at that kitten you’ve got him speechless, how’s the saying go?” With a shit eating grin he pulls you onto his lap as he sits. “What’s the matter Michael, cat got your tongue?” Michael’s eyes lingered on you for too long it seemed, and did not go unnoticed. David’s gaze flicked between the two of you, “Although it seems like you two are already acquainted, Michael?” Snapped out of his shock and horror he shakes his head and replies,

“We bumped into each other the other day, I just didn’t know they were the one you were talking about. Just shocked it was a semi-familiar face.”

“Yeah, he helped me out when I almost fell.” You say, it was technically the truth, just not the whole truth. 

 “It’s good that you two get along then.” David leans forward putting his lip onto your temple, his eyes never leaving Michael’s. Since you were facing Michael you couldn’t see the smirk on David’s lips as he kissed you either. “Since you two will be spending a long time together.”

You couldn’t help but squirm, being in David’s grasp while under Michael’s gaze was torture, all you wanted was to be in Michael’s arms instead, and every touch from David send frigid chills down your body seeming to encourage the blonde even further.

After that night in the cave your life was turned upside down. When you met Michael the next day he tried to tell you that you needed to stop seeing David and him. 

“What the hell are you talking about Michael? Are you telling me you don’t want to see me anymore?” The foggy feeling of loneliness started to seep back into your mind as your heart started to break.

“No god no! Of course I don’t want to stop seeing you, it’s just-. Look, you can’t be around either of us, it's not safe.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“Do you remember when I said I was a monster?”

“Yes and-” before you could even protest, he was cutting you off.

“No matter your opinion on it, I am what I am and it’s because of David.”

“Okay but you would never hurt me Michael, I trust you. Whatever it is you can tell me, I can help you. I want to help you.”

“No, the last person who tried… No, I don't want David hurting you.”

“He wouldn’t hurt me Michael, sure he’s scary but he wouldn’t-” out of frustration Michael cuts you off.

“He’s a goddamn vampire y/n!” His blue eyes blaze with emotion so many your heart drops, fear, pain, worry, and love to name the easily recognized. “He killed Star, threatened my family, and I love you and I don’t want him to turn you into this!” Gesturing to himself he slumps to the ground as tears well in his eyes. Stunned, you sit down next to Michael. 

Vampires? 

Did you believe it? 

Michael seemed to; he was too emotional to be pulling a prank on you, meaning he had to believe it himself. 

“So you’re a vampire too?” Sniffling and clearing his throat he shakes his head.

“No I’m only half, David gave me till the end of month to… Till I have to be fully embraced.”

“Embraced?” 

“The term certain vampires use to describe the ‘turning’ of a human into a vampire” 

“Oh, how-”

“Look y/n you have to stop seeing us, please for your own safety.”

“I’m not leaving you Michael. Not now, not ever, we’ll figure something out okay?”

You wanted nothing more than to be in Michael’s arms. For him to choose you, but he had been hesitant; terrified of what David would do if he found out. One wrong move from either of you and it was over, David would frenzy and only the gods knew what kind of hell would freeze over the earth if he knew what the two of you were doing behind his back. But Michael had to make a decision soon because as he watched you sitting on David’s lap lighting a cigarette for the blonde, he knew he had to decide quickly. David’s words from the other night haunted Michael, David had revealed his intention to turn you into a monster like him; 

“Since you two will be spending a long time together.” 

Michael couldn’t stand the thought of you being like David. Any longer and he’d have to watch you drink from the bottle. No, he made up his mind. Just Imagining Marko approaching David with the bottle made him sick. Michael thought he would never feel real fear again after David had threatened to kill his family if he didn’t join the pack, but imagining the moment David tipped the bottle to your lips, he felt his heart stop. That was the morning he told you to run. The two of you had made a plan, you were going to disappear during the day when the boys couldn't get to you. Michael would go looking for you and come back empty handed. He would stall for time until he could figure out a way to escape David’s influence.

 A way for the both of you to be together.

Every moment with Michael was warm, it was the feeling of the sun kissing your skin. The feeling of the yellows and oranges when watching a sunrise. The heat that Michael made blossom in your chest was a stark contrast of the icy shivers David made roll down your back. David was cold and so was his love. David is the glass of ice water you drink down after a long run. The crisp ocean waves that soothe your sunburned skin. David is the glacier keeping you from flying into the sun.  What were you doing? Were you really going to run? To risk everything just for a chance at being with Michael?

Michael.

His name still sends shivers down your spine; winter used to be your favorite, but the thawing nature of spring started melting into your heart. No longer did you care for the cold but longed for the heat that the summer would bring. 

The motel room was dark, curtains tightly closed. 

You were safe.

Taking a deep breath to help clear your mind. The past week had been terrifying, anxiety filled your body to the point of overflow, you felt like an overcharged battery. Traveling as quiet and as fast as you could during the day, and bunkering down in dingy motels at night to lay low. The adrenaline from the ride out of town was wearing off, living on the run was getting exhausting. The anxiety was slowly fading away the further you got from Santa Carla.

You are safe.

Getting as far away from Santa Carla during the daylight was stressful, but not as near as painful as it was to say goodbye to Michael.

Michael.

Just the thought of him made your heart lurch in your chest, you couldn’t wait to see him again. As if your desperate soul summoned him; a sound from the otherside of the room startled you. Looking over you were even more shocked to see your lover standing by the door.

“Michael? What are you doing here? I thought you had to take care of things before you would join me?” He stayed quiet and it seemed as if he was struggling with something. “Michael what’s wrong?” Starting to approach you, you could start to see that something was wrong. “Michael, you're scaring me, what’s going on?”

“I told you I was a monster.” His voice came out in a growl, and just like with any predator, it set the hairs on your body rigid. Michael lunged for you; and you made an attempt to get to the door. Barely managing to slip from his claws as you run out of the motel down to the parking lot.

Fire burned in your lungs as you scrambled to escape, your body felt like molten lava as it kicked into overdrive pushing you to run faster. Tears started to blur your vision; this was not how it was supposed to go. Michael was supposed to love you, why he was doing this made your head spin. Screaming out as searing pain burned throughout your body, vision going white, there was a ringing in your ears.

No it was your voice.

Your screams echoing in your ears. Blazing blue eyes met yours and they were burning with an intensity that nearly stopped your heart.

There was blood on his face, and a sickening amount was dripping from his lips when his mouth opened and his voice grated at your eardrums.

“I’m sorry.” Hands slick with warm blood gripped at your legs dragging you closer to his figure.

“I trusted you Michael! Let me go!” You tried kicking and thrashing around but you were no match for his unnatural strength even without suffering from blood loss. There was pain radiating from your neck, a burning pain that throbbed and gushed with every pulse of your heart.

“You have to believe,” a sickening crunch filled his pause along with your wail of agony, as his hand came down and broke one of your legs. “That I don’t want to do this!” Your throat is raw from screaming and you're delirious from the pain. You make no effort to reply, only wishing the blistering pain would go away. In the midst of the burning  agony you feel ice touch your body, the cold soothing the burn in your flesh. Leaning further into the comforting cold you chase the sensation of numbness that the cold brings. As you come down from the pain, exhaustion weighs you down. Drifting off you hear Michael’s sobbing apologies get drowned out by the cold whispers of David, his soft shushing and ice blue eyes sending you to dreamland, where you hoped you’d dream of a blizzard.

Tagging @britany1997​ also if you want to be tagged just let me know. 

[crmsndragonwngss]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jesse Cash (@jesse_cash)

Jesse Cash and Ghost Atlas:

Album is already out now! Made this last night, so I'm posting late.

But I felt compelled to speak about this thing I put so much of myself into and love so much.

Please excuse the sound of the dishwasher

(via Instagram) (full transcript under the cut)

Jesse Cash:

Hey.  So, tonight is the night that, uh, my Ghost Atlas record finally comes out.  Um, I'm going to try to trim the fat on this, but I'm not going to make it too much of a priority to keep it short, to be honest.  So, if you stick around, you're a -- you're a real one.  Thanks.

Um, I just, uh -- it was a long time coming.  I mean, I know I've been talking about this record for, god, over two years now.  And, um, it just feels so good that it's finally out.  I, um -- I got to say, this one is my favorite.  This is -- this is the one.  This is the record that I feel most proud of.  Um, it's very -- it's very vulnerable, nowadays, to share music.  It's become something I've grown increasingly neurotic about.  It's -- it's part of what took this record so long to -- to come out, because I was just constantly changing, and adding, and finessing, and trying to get things dialed in right.  And it just never felt finished to me, and I never felt like I could be satisfied with it.  And that's become a bit of a curse, in recent years, that I get kind of fixated on, and -- um, it's just -- it's just, like, hard -- it's hard, these days, to share music.  It just feels like such a vulnerable act, and um, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, uh, you know, a bit attuned to -- to criticism, especially when it mirrors my own insecurities that I may have about things that I make. 

What's so -- with that said, what's so wonderful about this record, and the magic that I've already found in this record, even before it's come out, is that I don't think anything could -- could hurt me, as far as critical perspective, or uh, you know, like -- I don't think I can be hurt over this one.  I just -- I love it that much.  And I love the way it sounds.  I love -- I love the mix that Joseph McQueen did with it.  And I just -- I'm just so proud of it.  Yeah.  I don't know. 

These songs are so, like -- at times, uncomfortably personal.  I think that's why I love this project so much, because it's -- it's like, I love being able to do Erra, I love being in a collaborative space with -- with my community [laughs].  Like, the band is my community.  Like, we're friends and I could never give up that space, as far as -- but as far as the musical creative space, like, with Ghost Atlas, it's just so -- it's, like, everything to me.  It's just so me.  Um, and sometimes that is weirdly painful, because I think I have a tendency to entangle myself in this stuff that I make.  And as Conor put it to me [laughs], maybe fly too close to the sun when it comes to sort of engaging in the darker musings of the human experience, so -- so to speak [laughs].  It sounds very pretentious, but I don't -- I apologize.  Um, I'm just -- yeah.  I really hope you guys like it. 

I actually wrote -- before -- before the record that you -- that you have here, uh, I wrote a first record, got about eight songs into it, and I showed, uh, Josh Gilbert and Joseph McQueen, who I did the record with.  And we were doing pre-pro demos, and I was like -- I was like, "Guys, I have a feeling this is not my best stuff.  I -- I have a feeling that -- [laughs] that I didn't do my best.  Like, these aren't the best songs.  What do you think?"  And they essentially were supportive, and were like, "Oh no, they're great.  You know, like, I don't know if there's, like, a single or if anything's really sticking out the way that the last one did.  But, like, yeah, I don't know."  And like, just that sort of response kind of told me everything I needed to know, and I just threw that record away [laughs], and we made a new record. 

So I, uh -- I followed my gut.  That's part of what took this thing so long to come together, is, uh, I followed my gut, and put those songs aside, started from scratch, wrote all new songs.  Some of the songs that were salvaged from that first throwaway record were, um -- uh, I know a very early stage of Lesser Gods without any layering, Bedsheet Torniquet, and In the House of Leaves.  Those were the ones that were from the previous record.  But everything else I just overhauled.  It was very important to me to get this thing right and, by god, I think I did it.  I, um -- I'm so proud of this thing.  Fuck. 

Anyways, I hope you guys like it.  Um, I really do.  It's, like, so -- it's important -- it's important to me, you know.  But -- but, like I -- like I said, you can't hurt me with this one [laughs].  But -- but, uh, I really do hope you guys enjoy it.  And, uh, thanks for sitting through my long, vulnerable video.  I'm a very -- I'm a [laughs] very happy boy right now.

[end of transcript]

[resident-gay-bitch]

Too Late - One

summary: You’ve always secretly pined over Eddie Munson, your best friend, but when you find out he’s dating Chrissy Cunningham, you reach your breaking point. you seek comfort from Gareth, your second best friend. you figure out he’s got a crush, but you don’t know who, you were determined to figure it out though. but he was determined to keep his feelings for you locked away forever. but plans change, right?

warnings: (18+) alcohol, porn, mentions of masturbation, bitching about Chrissy (pls i love her irl, don’t attack me).

character description: fem, she/her pronouns, female anatomy, hair at least long enough to sweep back from face.

too late masterlist - find next chapter there :)

“So you're the infamous Y/N L/N i’ve been hearing all about?” a sweet voice picked up from behind your shoulder, you almost didn’t hear it over the loud buzz of the party and the distorted music.

You turned in your chair slightly to find her sitting beside you, holding out a beer for you to take, “And you're the infamous Chrissy Cunningham i’ve been hearing all about.”

Too fucking much about.

she giggled, “it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.” you smiled.

you wanted to be happy for Eddie, he was your best friend after all, you had to be happy for him. He actually managed to pull the girl he was crushing on… and that girl, of all people. It was strange to think about the pair. but, part of you couldn’t fucking bear it. you were in love with him. ever since that stupid party in middle school, you landed on him in spin the bottle/seven minutes in heaven. even with his trashy little buzz cut and zit ridden face and mouth full of braces, you thought he was beautiful. and so you walked into that closet with high hopes, and then he kissed you. and you freaked out, internally anyway. you stepped out after five minutes of making out (two minutes of taking) and you were head over fucking heels falling in love faster than you’d done anything before in your life. but, after that kiss, he never tried to kiss you again, even with your blatant flirting. no, to him it was just a stupid game. he probably kissed every other person he stepped into that closet with, just to have a try. but you, no, you only kissed Eddie… and you regretted it. but now, he was your best friend, and he was dating Chrissy. everything was becoming a little too heavy.

“So…” she started, oh god, here it came, the talk, “you and Eddie are really close.”

“Yeah.” you nodded, sipping your unusually expensive tasting beer.

“I hâte to be that girl…” she played with the hem of her perfect little skirt, “but… has anything ever… happened between you?”

“yeah.” you nodded, and her eyes widened, “the reason we became best friends was because we made out in a game of spin the bottle in middle school. He decided he was so disgusted by kissing me that he would never, ever do it again. Now I'm like… his guy.”

“his guy?” Chrissy asked, a few insecurities shining though.

you nodded, you wanted to be honest with her, you didn’t want her to hate you, because if she hated you she would prevent Eddie from spending time with you. And you had come to terms with the fact that you could never be with Eddie romantically, but you couldn’t deal with the idea of him leaving your life completely… especially not for some girl that would eventually break his heart and leave him in the dust for some preppy prick like Jason.

“Yeah,” you smiled, “we hang out all the time, and I know he definitely doesn’t see me like that at all because he’s really gross around me. like… boy gross.”

she quirked an eyebrow, “boy gross?”

“yeah, like he burps really loud and will walk up to me and fart in my face and laugh. and like, talks to me about girls and stuff, and is very open about his porn collection-“

“He has a porn collection?”

“Chrissy.” you deadpanned her, “every guy has a porn collection.”

“well..” she shifted in her seat, “what’s his like?”

“I don't know,” you shrugged, “it varies.”

you eyed her up and down, she was nervous.

“Don’t worry,” you smiled, “you fit the description of the girls in some of the videos and mags.”

“oh, okay.” she smiled, “should i be disgusted by that?”

you shrugged, “i mean, probably. most girls are… but that’s because they’re disgusted by porn. I would kill for the guy I'm into to have picked out a video specifically because the girl looks like me.”

“Okay, cool.” she relaxed a little, “y… you didn’t— the kiss you had, you said he decided you were… gross or whatever. What about you?”

your face turned red, “uh…” you smiled nervously, “yeah, i told you he farts in my face. he disgusts me.”

not true at all, you love him. He probably should disgust you though.

“oh that’s good.” she sighed, “phewph, i was really nervous you were gonna bite my head off and tell me you were in love with him or something, i used to think you stared at him a lot.”

your cheeks turned redder, “oh.”

“There’s my girls!” You both turned to see a tipsy Eddie stumbling towards you in the crowd, a big grin on his face.

Chrissy looked at you with doubt.

“Don’t worry,” you shook your head, “when he’s drunk he calls me his girl. i don't know why, he just always has. the first few times he did it sober I kicked him in the balls.”

Chrissy laughed a little, “oh, okay.”

“Heya pretty ladies.” Eddie grinned, standing between the two of you.

“nerd.” you scoffed, taking a sip of your beer.

“Hiya baby.” Chrissy smiled up at him.

He leant down and nudged his nose against hers. you made a gagging sound, smirking when they both turned to look at you. you hoped they’d take that as a cue to drop the PDA. apparently not. Eddie was drunk though, and Chrissy was probably trying to stake her claim. so. he brushed his lip against hers.

“How’s my princess goin?” He whispered, but you heard it.

it stung you.

that was his nickname for you, ever since he called you it in that stupid little closet at that stupid party.

‘you look like a princess,’ he grinned.

‘you think?’ you blushed.

‘yeah.’ he nodded, poking your pretty dress, ‘can I kiss you, princess?’

you felt like crying, but you skulled your beer instead, pushing the tears away.

“isn’t she pretty, Y/N?” Eddie asked, his arm around her, “She’s so pretty.”

he never called you by your name… ever… not unless he was mad.

“Yeah.” you smiled, “very.”

“She looks like a princess.”

you looked at her dress, it was white, and flowy… it looked a lot like that dress you wore to that party. that only made your gut wrench.

“Mhm.” you nodded.

“you okay, Y/N?” he asked, double fucking whammy.

“yup.” you nodded, speaking a little too abruptly.

“Y/N—“

“I think I'm gonna go play spin the bottle.” you smiled and rushed outside to Gareth.

you tapped on his shoulder, and he turned to look up at you with bright eyes, “Jovi! come play.” he grinned.

The nickname, the one you loved so much, came from that time he caught you drooling over a magazine filled with pics of Bon Jovi. he teased you about it, a lot.

“no thanks, can i talk to you?” the lump rose in your throat again.

“no, I wanna play and kiss a pretty girl,” he pouted.

“You can kiss me.” you teased, kicking his leg softly, but his heart skipped a beat, “cmon, i need to talk to you about something.”

he smiled softly, “alright, but only because i know you're gonna be really mean to me if i don’t.”

“correct.” you helped him up, and led him to a quiet room.

someone’s bedroom, the parents, you supposed. you sat on the bed and immediately started crying, finally letting your emotions out. Gareth locked the door and sat down beside you, stroking your back.

“What’s goin on, Jovi?”

“Eddie.” you cried, leaning into his shoulder.

his heart sank. you told him about your feelings for Eddie last week when he announced to Hellfire he managed to get a date with the girl. you left the lunch table in a rush and Gareth was the only one to notice your shifted mood, he followed you and you sunk into his arms. his heart broke that day, but he decided that wasn’t important.

“Just why?” you whined, “why does he have to like her, Gareth? i’m right here! i’m right fucking here. i’ve always loved him, i’ve always wanted him, and what… nothing! nothing!”

He nodded and stroked your hair.

“why can’t he just see me, for once i just want to be seen, Gareth. i don’t care if it’s by some dumb jock at this point, i just want someone to see me.”

“hey.” he pulled you back, “you are seen, darling.”

that was new.

“You are seen.” he nodded again, wiping your tears, “you are beautiful, and kind, and soft, and warm… trust me, you are seen. it’s just… it’s just harder for us freaks because it’s never the people we want that see us.”

you frowned and rested your head against his palm, “It just hurts me so much, it hurts because he will never see me the way I see him. and i’ll always see him that way.”

that- that really fucking hurt him, but he didn’t let you see that. he would never let you see that.

“I know how you feel, darling.” he pulled you back into a tight hug and let you cry.

——————————————————————————

the next couple of days passed, and you spent your time wallowing away in self pity and cheep chocolate. but today Corroded Coffin had band practice, and you always went to band practice. you rocked up at Gareth’s house, finding him, Grant, and Jeff in the open garage. you hopped out of your car and walked inside.

“Jovi!” Gareth was the first to notice you and he flung his arms around you, drumsticks hitting your back.

“Hey Gar bear.” you scruffed his hair.

he blushed at the nickname, something he did every time you called him that, or any other nickname, or even when you said Gareth whilst smiling. you never noticed.

“Boys.” you smiled and greated them both, “Where’s Ed?”

“Dunno.” Gareth shrugged, “He said he was gonna get here an hour ago.”

“Probably got caught up on a deal man.” Grant suggested.

but you knew he was probably with Chrissy. you sat around talking with the guys for over an hour, Eddie was still a no show.

“Alright, i guess we’re not practicing today then.” Jeff huffed.

“We got that extra gig coming up, what the fuck is he doing?” Grant asked.

“Cant you just practice without him?” you suggested.

“yeah, but Eddie’s lead guitar and vocals, it’s not really the same.”

“I’ll fill in for him.” you suggested, “is his old guitar in your back room still?”

“Uh, yeah.” Gareth nodded and you hopped up.

you walked though his house, saying a quick hello to his mum before going to the back room and fetching the beaten up guitar. you were walking out when you noticed a mag splayed out on the couch. you picked it up to find it bent open to a page of a girl, sexy pink lingerie on, her head not in the shot, just her body, and there was a fucking cum stain on it. you dropped the magazine back on the couch in haste before heading back to the garage.

“Gareth…” you called, looking around for him, finding him perched behind his kit, “you really gotta keep your porn hidden better.”

his face blushed the brightest shade of red, “Wh- what?“

“imagine if your mum walked in there and picked up that magaizine. she would have had a fucking heart attack. it’s bad enough finding your sons wank material, even worse to find his cum dried on it.”

“oh my god.” he stood up, tripping over his kit a little as he did, the other two laughed in his face.

“Don’t be embarrassed, everyone wanks.” you shook your head, “i got a detailed tour of Eddie’s collection, you know, including his favorite sock to cum into, so your thing is the least of my worries.”

he was still extremely, extremely embarrassed. he was embarrassed because the girl looked exactly like you, the underwear even similar to a set you had, that he only knew you had because he walked in on you changing a couple weeks ago. it was sort of cute, he blushed bright red and tried ro run straight out the door, but crashed into the wall as he did. he was yelling apologies after apology though the closed door, and you just told him you couldn’t care less. because you didn’t, he was your best friend, he knew what colour your vibrator was for christs sake.

you turned on the amp, plugging in the guitar, “okay, so i know some of your shit, not a lot, Eddie taught me a handful, so don’t hate me if i fuck it up.”

“promise.” Jeff smiled, just grateful to get some practice in before the gig.

and then you had all started to play, and Gareth had never fucked up so much. he was playing terribly, but only because he couldn’t take his eyes off you, you looked so effortlessly cool and beautiful. he couldn’t concentrate if his life depended on it. you apologised, thinking your off key and sloppily playing was fucking him up, and he just shouted,

“No!” he shook his head, calming down a little, “No no, i’m just off my game today. it’s not you, i promise. your actually helping.”

no you weren’t. you were tearing him apart.

——————————————————————————

it has been three weeks, and the four of you had barely seen Eddie. the only time was at school, and he skipped most classes and only showed up to a couple lunches. he often snuck off to have some alone time with Chrissy. it pissed you off. so you sat in his spot every lunch, feeling a little pride, you often imitated him, amusing the rest of Hellfire. you knew if he ever caught you he would get very, very mad. but maybe he deserved it, he was basically replacing you after all. you spent a lot of your free time with the guys, more specifically Gareth. you were already best friends, but you felt like Eddie’s absence was only bringing you closer. you didn’t mind that part at all, he was great. always sweet, funny, made you smile, knew exactly how to cheer you up when you were down.

“No…” you shook your head, your feet up over the back of his couch and your head hanging off the edge, “that’s not right.”

“Yes it is.” Gareth pressed, he sat on the floor, his head right beside yours and due to your angle you could see up his nose, he handed you the joint you were smoking together, “we have never smoked alone before, it’s always with Eddie.”

“Nah uh!” you insisted, taking a long inhale, “course we smoked alone, your my best friend and we’re both pot heads.”

“Name one time where it was just us, then.” he grinned.

you thought for a moment, a very long moment… “oh fuck. maybe we haven’t.”

“told you, Jovi.” he smiled.

“huh,” you sighed, “well, we should do it more. it’s nice.”

“yeah.” he blushed and you blamed it on the weed.

“i’m missing Eddie less.” you bit your lip and he looked at you desperately, “well, i still miss him a lot, but the asshole has barely said three words to me in weeks.”

“yeah.” Gareth pressed his head further back into the couch, taking the joint from you.

“Yeah.” you nodded, “i mean, he’s been so pent up with that strawberry blonde priss, he’s completely forgotten about me Gar Bear. completely.”

Gareth sighed.

“I mean, he calls her princess now, for christ sakes.”

“Really?” Gareth quirked an eyebrow, “but that was his name for you.”

“i know.” you rolled your eyes, “why it sucks so much more. i’m full on being replaced with a prettier, preppier, more flexible version that he actually wouldn’t mind kissing.”

“your prettier.” he said, not really thinking, and your stomach flipped.

you had no idea why it flipped. but it did.

“i’m not, look at her.”

“i did look at her, when Eddie repetitively told me too.” he sucked down his pride and forced out his confidence, “your definitely prettier.”

you smiled softly, which made him grin.

“Thank you, Gareth.”

And he was blushing, “Course, Jovi.” he smiled, “plus, who wants a prep? imagine all the basketball games he’s gonna have to sit though for her.”

“oh that’s gonna suck.” you laughed, taking the spliff.

“It would suck so much.” he continued, “He’s gonna grow sick of it after two games, guaranteed.”

you laughed.

“what time do your parents want you home?”

“ah, i don’t know.” you shrugged, “they were going out tonight so they wouldn’t actually care.”

“cool.” he nodded slowly.

“why, you tryina get rid of me?” you poked him on the nose and that nearly fucking killed him.

“Never.” he answered a little too quickly.

“mind if i just stay the night? i can’t be bothered walking.”

he raised his eyebrows, it’s not like you never stayed the night before… just Eddie or the other guys were usually there as well. someone else was always there.

“yeah, sure. of course.”

“cool.” you nodded.

——————————————————————————

you couldn’t help yourself, you were a snoop. everyone knew that. so the minuet Gareth went to go get you some clothes to change into, you dove back into his little porn stash he kept in the back room. you flipped though the magazines, looking at the dog eared pages, and inspected the dirty movies closely. a pattern? yes. all the girls had the same body shape, the same -or similar- hair colours, a lot of them had soft pink lingerie on. you furrowed your eyebrows. Gareth walked back in to find all his porn spread over your lap. he wanted to die.

“Jovi, I can-“

“who the hell do you have a crush on?” you asked.

“what?”

you held up one of the dog eared pages and one of the videos, “they look the same. all the girls look the same, your into someone and your buying porn that looks like them. spill.”

“no.” he shook his head.

“oh, come on! you know who im into.”

“and it took you like, four and a half years to tell me.”

you squinted your eyes, “im gonna figure it out.”

“no you won’t.” he teased.

he was actually surprised you hadn’t already. could you not fucking tell it looked exactly like you? like your underwear? he thanked the gods you were so clueless.

——————————————————————————

“Come on, Jovi.” Gareth poked your arm, you were half asleep on the couch, “time for bed.”

“okay.” you nodded, not moving.

“come on, darling.” he was so soft with his words, “come inside.”

“but i always sleep on the couch.” you groaned.

“yeah,” he smiled, “because it’s usually pulled out to be a bed.”

“pull it out then.”

“it takes too long.”

“im okay here. you go inside.” you said, eyes shut.

“im not letting you sleep out here alone, Jovi.” he shook his head, “it’s not safe.”

you groaned.

“come on, it’s nice and warm inside, much more comfy.”

“okay.” you mumbled, still not moving.

Gareth’s softness made your stomach flutter a little, but you were too tired to notice.

“alright.” he stood up, grabbing your underarms and lifting you to sit upright on the couch, “you can keep your eyes closed but you need to use your legs a bit.”

you nodded, and he grabbed you again, wrapping his arm around you and he was pulling you up. he walked, your body weight completely slumped on him as you stumbled together out of the back room and into the main house. he guided you into his bedroom where he tucked you safely into his bed.

“thanks mummy.” you mumbled, half asleep as he brushed some hair out of your closed eyes.

he laughed a little, “goodnight, Jovi.”

he turned to leave his room, he was going to take the couch.

“where are you going?” you mumbled, forcing your eyes open, “your bed is this way silly.”

“your in my bed, Jovi.”

“So what?” you shrugged, “i shared a bed with Eddie all the time, at least i’m not secretly in love with you too.”

yeah, but he was with you.

“it’s okay, i’ll take the-“

“you said it’s comfy in here.” you mumbled, “really don’t mind, Gar Bear, i’m too old to think you got cooties.”

he laughed and hesitated a moment before climbing in bed next to you. his heart raced, very, very fast. he was surprised you couldn’t hear it beating. you closed your eyes again and mindlessly shuffled closer to him, laying an arm over his chest and pressing your face into his shoulder as you properly fell asleep. He didn’t move the whole night.

[sexydreamgirl]

Hi Hera my love, I haven't been on here for a while, I wrote something really lengthy I hope you don't mind, I'm so sorry about this though, I hope you get this though, I don't know if you got my last ask, because I saw you answered one but idk if you got the other one🙃 I was reading your stuff about feeling and I wrote this long ass thing about my thoughts on it😭(I wrote this before so keep that in mind Incase I just repeat what you said or if I misunderstood anything or have a bad view on anything, if so please correct me) once again I'm so sorry this is so long😭

I'm sorry in advance for all of this being so long😭😭😭 I hope you get this omg🙃

I just had an in depth talk with myself, I realized I was unconsciously albeit consciously in some way, manifested someone who I deeply feel for that's a fictional character. The realization was that this feeling I kept having was what kept me REALLY manifesting him, he makes me feel extremely happy, excited, just in love(it might seem crazy to absolutely adore a fictional character but we've all been there and if you haven't...well we're into law of assumption so anything can come true), with him, every thought I had about him was of absolutely euphoria, and I realized with that thought the feeling of euphoria always followed, it made me feel like even though he's in my head I HAVE him, I felt him, his face, his smile, his hair, him.

I have him regardless of what people say about how crazy it must be to absolutely love a fictional character, regardless of all of that. I have him, because it's like, you know when someone you love dies? Of course you mourn for them for a while but eventually you realize even though you can't feel them, touch them, they're still there, whether it be in memories, people, gifts, sentimental things, music, dreams, even if you feel like they're always there with you, in your heart and as long as you have them in your heart and actively in your mind, they're always there.

And I remember someone once telling me when I was REALLY insecure and when I used to believe God was external and not internal,

Person: "if you believe in God, pray to him, you believe he's there right?" "yes." "Then when someone tells you you're beautiful, even if you specifically cannot see it yourself, just like you acknowledge God is there, hearing, you feel him even if you can't see him, why can't you acknowledge your beauty is also there especially since others can see it?" (I remember telling you about this I think).

I feel like in some way it works with the Law as well, you're God, you can't see your power, it's like I always love saying about stretch marks(random in this ask I know), "when you have stretch marks, it's like your bodies way of not being able to contain your own beauty so it presents lightning strikes in it's wake because it's unable to completely contain the beauty you hold." The power is in you, you can't see it because you've spent most of your life acknowledging how out of control you're in, we've ALL heard that BS of "everything happens for a reason," (hell I used to say this a lot🙄) "nothing good comes without hard work," all that shit, you're not rewiring your mind when it comes to the law of assumption unless you want to call it that, you're remembering who you were always have been.

I know law of assumption isn't just about the feeling only(some people even say it's not about feeling at all), it's also about the thoughts, the mindset, the state, the method (affirming etc), but the feeling I've realized is what really makes me feel that it's real, like when I think of him I'm like wow he's so beautiful, I feel the hugs, I feel the love, so much love, I'm crying about it as I write this because that's how much love I feel, the safety he brings me, the peace I feel. So my advice to anyone who wants either SPs, an amazing life, a mansion, more, try thinking about that one thing that makes you REALLY feel, not frustration, not sadness, but happiness, love, fulfilled, for example what's one thing you can revolve your entire Desire life around? Something that makes you so happy, your heart warms up? I'll use mine for example, with him, I see everything, an amazing life, adventure, everything and even more, and when I think of him I feel those things too, I feel the happiness of having those things with him. So if for example you want financial freedom for you and your family? Imagine when you finally get that mansion, your family being happy, whatever it is that makes you the happiest, feel the most warmth in your heart, see it all in your head, then LET GO, this is still the law of assumption, do not attach yourself to this, it's not an obsession, obsessions results from a place of lack, things/people you cannot obtain so you constantly try to obtain more information or closeness to it, that's not what this is, what this is, is you realizing how happy this makes you feel and realizing, you realize that even if you feel like your thoughts may not be real(FOR THE TIME BEING) this feeling of happiness IS.

I know facts are real and not feelings, but lets be real here most of us have always felt AT ONE POINT (hopefully not anymore 👀) that the things we are manifesting now were once "impossible," so much that probably even once in our journey we said, "there's no way this is so easy." BUT IT IS, make it easy for yourself, everytime you breathe you manifest? It is done, because you said so. Everytime you feel sad, you manifest? It's done because you said so. I realized this is probably what makes a lot of people doubt themselves, when you affirm and affirm, a lot of people says "it doesn't feel real," because as they manifest they FEEL anxiety, they FEEL nervous like nothing is gonna happen, they probably trust their feelings more than their minds and I understand that because bruh I have horrible intrusive thoughts, but for some reason whenever I really FEEL something those thoughts never bother me.

We all know the statement "love is blind," because even the strongest minded person can have their feelings overtake their thoughts. A lot of people say the "state of wish fulfilled" which is a state of mind which is also a "feeling of wish fulfilled," you're ABSOLUTELY sure, completely free of anxiety, all doubt, you just feel content, happiness, peace.

Another example is when you listen to music, you're in whatever state that song presents, I'm not saying stay in this fake happiness, no that's unhealthy, don't do that, what I'm saying is if you're affirming find something that triggers an emotional response in the best way possible, if you're visualizing FEEL the things you're visualizing (which is what happens anyway), if the thing that triggers happiness is a person and you're manifesting a mansion? Show that person your mansion, show them your new amazing life, if you feel a lack when it comes to them too? Try a thing, something specific, a teddy bear you had in your childhood? You're carrying it with you and holding it.

Age regression is something that might be helpful to childhood trauma survivors(I am and I am also a pyschology major btw anyone can use this not just survivors), it can also help people who need help manifesting, go back to that childhood place, that feeling of everything is magical, everything is possible in your imagination, why do you think so many people think children/animals are more prone to seeing things like spirits(both dogs and children) and fairies(just children)? Because they're young(fun fact I included animals because animals can grow into the mindset of two year olds meaning they can learn as much as a child that is two or three years old) they have a LIMITLESS mindset, their minds aren't tainted by crappy sayings like "work hard or you're never gonna accomplish anything." They live in their head, which is what you should as well, your child self is still there, you just repressed them, whenever you're manifesting bring them out a little, that fun, happy, limitless being you've always been EVEN as a child.

-🥺💖

Again I'm sorry the length of this is😭🙃

Oh this encapsulates feeling so WELL thank you, angel!

[winderlylandchime]

1/3 We are officially on season 3! And it is a lot and I’m not even sorry for how long this one is because he went through a rollercoaster. And it did start with me starting the ep and then yelling ‘WAIT NO IM MOT READY!’ And then he went to get him Team Brian shirt..this is my actual life now. Anyway: ‘I swear I didn’t touch the tv! I don’t know why it’s without color. (I let him know it’s the ep) oh, well now i feel silly. What’s going on? HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF SHIT AND HELL! HE JUST PUNCHED HIM! HE FUCKING DID IT! I HAVE WAITED MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT! OH THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL! FUCK YEAH! FINALLY!! FUCKING FINALLY! *takes the remote and proceeds to rewind it three more times* Oh that was beautiful, i have never felt more alive than in this exact moment. What a beautiful punch! Oh i can tell he himself has wanted to do that for a while…wait why did he do it though? Hold up, i gotta calm down, this made my heart run a marathon’ He paused the tv on Mikeys face falling on the ground and is just staring at it while the biggest smile on his face and then very softly he whispered to himself “again.” ‘ohhhhhh Mad Dog Kinney? I fuck with that. BUT WHAT DID HE DO?! I mean what didn’t he do. But like what happened. Oh fuck, i forgot he narrates this thing…why is he doing that when nobody watches or cares for him? Should the actors who play Brian and Justin narrate? Can he stop talking? Yes please show me what the fuck just happened but now, do it in color!’ I’ve never seen him this happy. ‘NO NO NO NOT THE FUCKING PARTY AGAIN! HAVEN’T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?! Oh look it’s Brian *brian drives off* nevermind.’ The sound that just came out of this mans mouth at the sight of Justin in Ethans bed and the violin music is actually insane. ‘SHOVE THAT FUCKING TAMBOURINE UP YOUR ASS! *pauses tv on naked ethan playing violin and puts his head in his hands and elbows on his knees* UGHHHHHHHHH WHY GOD WHY ME?! *plays ep and ethan says he promised to serenade him awake, immediately hits pause again and burst into laughter and then plays it again* EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW..oh he got him a rose and chocolate for breakfast..what a fucking idiot. Oh he can’t believe he’s finally here? what a fucking weasel and a cheater! I hate them both right now. This *flaps his hand towards ethan and justin* is worse than…quick what’s something really bad? Well whatever! It’s worse than that’ He is sitting on the couch and he just started slowly sliding off of it and is hiding his his face behind his hand. (justin says he can’t stay) ‘haha nobody wants to be around you. He has to pick up his stuff. Where is he gonna live? Debbie’s? Is THAT HOW THEY GET BACK TOGETHER? *mocks ethan* what if he’s there..dude, you fucked him, you stole him and you’re STILL insecure.. i mean good but cmon. YOU DONT CARE CAUSE YOURE WITH HIM? Oh fuck you Justin. SHOVE THAT ROSE UP YOUR ASS! I would die if he stabs Justin with a thorn now. THEY DONT MAKE RAGE ANYMORE? FUCK YOU JUSTIN’ He genuinely sounds like someone is torturing him because he keeps groaning and going ‘ugh!’ Every few seconds. ‘Who do you think you are to just come into his loft? Oh he’s really gonna pack it away whi- OMG HES FUCK- wait that’s them. Didn’t that happen in season 1? Wait this looks the same but different, did they just make ice cream fucking part of their Tuesday nights? Dude, I said it back then and I’ll say it again: hot but yeast infection waiting to happen! *pauses on Brian* HOW CAN HE LEAVE AND CHEAT ON THIS? You will never have that with the pianist! Oh so they’re just gonna show me all the times they fucked before he fucked it all up?’ And he went out to smoke. Honestly, he lasted longer than i expected. ‘I forgot about Emmett and Ted. I…I dont think I like it anymore..*looks at me curiously* are all you lesbians like this? Not knowing how to mind your business? Because this *flaps his hand towards mel and linds* is annoying. Their whole thing in this show is cheating and not minding their business’

He had to get his Team Brian t shirt… like he’s watching sports!! (Don’t people wear their team jerseys when they watch sports? I, myself, am not a sports watcher.)

Oh I forget he narrates the thing - SO RELATABLE. Why does Michael narrate the thing? Who’s idea was that?

The cringe of seeing Ethan with Justin and (more importantly) Justin with Ethan is a whole thing this season. Buckle up, brother anon.

“I would die if he stabs justin with a thorn now” UM, so just like wait a handful of episodes and we’ll get to Justin being stabbed with thorns.

Hot but yeast infection waiting to happen. I forgot we didn’t get his reactions to the earliest episodes. But yes, do not put sugar things in your sugar bits and bobs.

HOW CAN HE LEAVE AND CHEAT ON THIS. Indeed, inquiring minds want to know.

Mel and Linds give lesbians a bad name. The representation of wlw on this show was the worst.

[strangelysamantha]

 crumbled cookies ☆

jj maybank x plus!reader (fem!reader)

warnings: abuse/hitting, hate speech, fat shaming, bullying, insecurities, swearing, fighting, jj’s dad, luke (yikes!) mad jj, mention of pills. 

words: 3,365.

summary: you decide it would be a good surprise to stop by jjs house quickly to drop off some of your homemade cookies, since you believe he isn’t feeling the best. then, unexpectedly jj's dad comes home with an unwelcoming embrace, which ruins the surprise.

request? nope, but requests are open :)

a/n: i randomly thought about this, i obviously don’t believe that us plus size baddies should ever be insecure, but i thought it would be a nice little angst imagine with fluff at the end! if you could, please comment and like if you enjoyed it, thank you! after i write a few requests i will proofread my stories :)

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

jj hadn’t answered any of your texts, usually this would worry you, but you understood that sometimes he just needed some space to be alone. you surprisingly were used to this because he always disappeared, and if he genuinely needed you, he knew where to find you. it also wasn’t bothering you because he had only been MIA for a few hours.

you, assuming that jj was just overwhelmed, decided to stay home and bake homemade cookies. jj always complimented your cookies, he loved taste testing them, and more importantly, he loved how you put so much effort into making them perfect, even if you were only making the cookies for him. jj wouldn’t admit it, but he definitely didn’t see you as just a friend. he didn’t know how he viewed you. he was too confused for his own good with his emotions. all he did know was that he depended on you, and that he never wanted to lose you. it would ruin him,  especially if he had done something to intentionally lose and hurt you.

you preheated the oven, excited to use a new cookie flavor for jj. you danced lightly to the music playing in the background of your kitchen, softly humming along as you gathered the dry ingredients, mixing them together. it was a fun little game you guys played, where he’d try and guess what extra ingredients you added that affected the cookie's flavor. he almost always got it wrong, but he was so cute sitting there always trying to guess it right, when he didn’t even know that much about cooking anyway.

unbeknownst to you, you were completely unaware of his feelings, despite the same feelings bubbling in your heart too. jj was your best buddy, and obviously you guys had flirtatious banter but it was nothing too serious. it didn’t help that every girl jj had a one night stand with, was the complete opposite of you. how could he like you, when every girl he fucks was not only skinny, but also rich, and mysterious?

pope wasn’t on your side either. he would always express how nauseated he felt when jj would jokingly flirt with you, and openly play with your feelings. he was quite vocal in scolding you when you would tell him that jj blew you off, or jj had pissed you off. deep down you did agree with pope, he wasn’t wrong.

a beep was heard from the oven as it was fully preheated. you had fully completed the cookie dough, now adding the most important ingredients. you decided to be nicer, and chose an easier flavor for jj to guess. you did this just in case something was seriously wrong he could at least be lifted up for guessing it right. m&ms and hershey’s kisses would be mixed together, creating a chocolate m&m hershey cookie, with added caramel on top. you quickly evenly separate the dough, before placing it in the oven waiting for it to rise.

the timer in the kitchen went off as you pulled the cookies out of the oven, careful to not burn yourself. you stick a knife into the cookie to ensure it was fully cooked before smiling contently to yourself. you let them cool off as you got dressed and prepared to go to jjs house.

you added caramel before sliding four cookies into a ziplock baggie. the cute baggy had a drawn on heart and a nice message for him. you didn’t expect to stay long, and you honestly didn’t even know if he would be home.

when you arrived to jjs house it looked vacant and abandoned. the nerves finally catching up to you as you realize he hasn’t talked to you all day. you knock on the front door, waiting for a response but you are left standing there waiting. you frown before hesitatingly walking down the steps. you look up when you hear a car approach, and a glimmer of hope flashes your mind as you thought it was jj, but instead it was his dad.

your heart was beating fast, and you didn’t know what to do. you waited to see if luke would talk but he just looked at you confused, and obviously annoyed. you shook your head quickly, “i’m so sorry, i was just going to drop these off for jj, but he’s not here so i’ll be on my way.” you smile softly, and start to walk away but his strong arms grab yours. you’re startled since his reaching for your elbow was quite unexpected.

“well you are already here. might as well get it over with.” his voice was unrecognizable as his emotions weren’t clear. you nod shyly. “no really i don’t want to inconvenience you, i can come at another time.” he shakes his head before walking to his door, opening it as the door loosely opens entirely, hitting against the wall to its side. you walk behind him being extra cautious in case he tries to grab you again.

you walk straight to the kitchen to set the bag of cookies on the counter, which was no use since right when you placed the bag, luke had scooped it into his hand reading the note. “oh, so you are the one dating my son?” your face twists in confusion. “no, no. jj and i are just friends.” you laugh awkwardly, swaying from feet to feet. the floors creak beneath you causing you to stop shaking back and forth. “okay good.” his eyes look up and down your figure as his mouth forms into a line. “i wouldn’t want him dating someone like… you.” his words hurt, but you didn’t want to break down in front of him.

you feel uncomfortable under his intense stare so you hurried to put an end to the conversation. “uhm. okay, welll thank you for letting me drop them off, i appreciate it mr. maybank.” you nod softly before he states, “no.” you turn over to him, “no?” you repeat as more of a question. your patience wears thin as you notice the cookies are still in his hand, and he is carefully undoing the ziplock that concealed the cookies.

he pulled a cookie out, before admiring it closely. “chocolate chip m&m caramel cookie. very yummy, very good choice.” you avoid eye contact, trying to focus on anything else displayed in the room. “and it’s still warm.” he stares at you as he takes a bite of the cookie, its crumbs slowly falling from where he sunk his teeth in. “it’s quite good.” you smile softly, “thank you… but-.” he cuts you off completely. “of course you, of all people, would be bringing him cookies. i’m not surprised, i can see you are trying to fatten my son.” his words stung you because this wasn’t what you were expecting. his father seemed intoxicated, and before you could leave it seemed like he still had stuff to say to you.

“yes the cookies are good, but they don’t excuse you for lying to my face. you are just like my ex wife… lying, scheming, going behind my back, but still creating delicious snacks.” you stumble back a little, as shock sets over you. “how did i lie?” you ask, quite confused as you hadn’t even talked to him that much. “i know you’re dating jj! i see his hickies i see that when he leaves this house it’s always to meet with your fat ass.” his words hold no meaning, he was just a lousy drunk taking his anger out on the closest thing to him. you stayed silent, when he suddenly shook his head before grabbing the rest of the cookies and throwing them on the floor, jumping on the bag, completely squishing them.

the once yummy cookies, now downgraded into a small pitiful pile that was brutally smeared against the kitchen's tile. your heart speeds up as his eyes are focused on yours, as if trying to read your emotions. “i’m sorry, but i’m not sure what i did to deserve you ruining my cookies?” your tone comes out sassier than intended which definitely didn’t help your case.

“pick it up.” he threw paper towels towards you, as he waited patiently for you to clean up his mess. you silently obeyed scooping your mutated bakery treat up. you got most of it cleaned, but you ran out of napkins. you bite your lip trying to think of a quick solution to finish picking it up so you could possibly leave, but it’s too late because he’s already grabbing your arm forcing you up. tears stream down your face, while you contemplate your choices.

before you could even register what had just happened, his hand had collided with your cheek, as he screams hurtful comments. “you are good for nothing. i honestly hope that jj didn’t choose you, because if he did, that would make him an embarrassment to this family.” he pushes you to the floor, and you quickly try to stand up so you can leave. you hurry to the door, but he catches you before you could get in your car and drive away. 

“you can't tell anyone about this. i swear if you tell anyone...” his tone is laced with venom and your face scrunches up in confusion. “dont act stupid! god this is why people treat you the way they do.” you look at him one last time before he sends a fast fist to your face, that hits the side of your nose, and your eye. your face begins to pulse as the blood rushes to the quick forming bruise. you couldn't think straight as everything had happened so fast. all you wanted to do was drop off cookies, but somehow you were now being punished just because you resembled this man's wife. your breath is shaky as your tears are starting to slow down, but they are still evident on your cheeks. 

jj’s dad stumbled backwards as if he had finally realized what he had done, before he eventually collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. as he landed on the couch, multiple loose pills fell from his pockets ensuring you that he wasn't mentally in the right place, and he was very obviously intoxicated.

you avoided jj at all costs, which was actually easy since he hadn't even contacted you. you were dreading his routine appearance that was bound to happen soon. you knew it was inevitable, he hasn't missed a nightly check in once, and you had been doing it for months. when you first met the pogues you were slightly scared since you were new in town and you didn't have any friends. so, jj took you under his wing. he quickly became protective over you, which is why he created this elaborate plan to sneak into your bedroom before bed every night. whether it was to just chat, talk about your day, or even just cuddle. you could always expect him at your window at around the same time every night.

usually you would confide in jj, ask for his advice. granted his advice isn't the greatest but it does help that he listens to your problems. not tonight. that wasn't the case. if anything, you wholeheartedly hoped that he would forget, or he would be too busy. he hadn't seen you since before your whole encounter with his father. you wondered if his father had told jj about what he did, and if he did, how did jj react?

you glance at the clock noticing that in the next ten minutes jj would be climbing his way into your window. your body was shaking with nerves as you glanced in the mirror. your black eye was a dead give away that something had happened. could you even tell him the truth? what if you lied, and then he called you out on it saying he already knew about it because his father told him. you contemplated every outcome of the future event that you weren't even ready when he slightly tapped your window. you quickly pulled on sunglasses that easily blocked your eye.

you smile widely, sliding your window up as he gracefully lands on your floor without making a noise, a talent he had perfected. “hey princess!” he has a huge grin on his face, his goofy smile is reason enough as to why you can't break the news to him about what his father did. “hi!” jj pulls you into a hug and you gladly take it. you wrap your arms tightly around his abdomen, as his arms are rubbing your hips. the hug ends and he slowly pulls away, his hands lingering on your hips before he grabs your hand to move to the bed. “do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?” jj asked. you waited, contemplating your choices. “either way is fine, you can choose.” you smile as he immediately gets into the little spoon position.

“hey i forgot to ask you why you are wearing those stupid glasses inside.” he laughs lightly as he reaches for them and you completely jump off the bed, scared he actually grabbed them in time. luckily, you were fast enough and the glasses were still settled on your face. “i have a horrible headache, that's all.” you nodded as his face slowly fell, he stood up, moving to sit on the edge of your bed. he glanced up at you. “we can turn the lights off so it isn't as bright in your room.” you shook your head at his compromise. “princess, i need to see your pretty face before i can declare that you are okay.” you hesitated, trying to piece together a quick story that you could tell him to explain how you wounded up with a gruesome bruise. he wasn't going to leave unless he knew you were okay.

he watched you intently, trying to see what you were hiding. “before i show you please promise me you won't freak out.” you reach for his hands and he grabs them in return, slowly nodding. “no, that's not going to count. please tell me that you won't be angry at me.” his heart swiveled up inside his chest as he heard that you thought he would be mad at you. “i promise that whatever you are about to tell me won't make me upset, and that i could never stay mad at you.” you nodded to his words. “okay so you know what you just said?” he tilted his head confused, “yeah?” you breathe in, trying to calm your nerves. “remember that.”

you hesitantly reach your arm up to expose your once hidden eyes. at first it doesn't register so he stares at you blankly. but the moment he saw it, he was already standing up, and freaking out. “hey you said you wouldn't be mad!” he ran fingers through his blonde hair, his eyes wide. “what the fuck…? i said i wouldn't be mad if YOU did something, i never said anything about not getting mad when it involves someone else!” he looks back at you and immediately investigates your eye. his jaw clenched as he looked above you, his hand gripping your chin. “who the fuck did this to you?” you stayed quiet, until he looked down at you waiting for an answer. 

silence fills the room leaving it eerily silent. “i can't tell you jj,” he laughs, shaking his head, “that's a funny joke, now tell me what happened and who the fuck hit you?” you looked away. “jj there's nothing you can do.” he followed along with your shenanigans. “and why is that?” you couldn't look at him so you looked at the floor. your silence was only making him more worried. “who was it actually? who are you protecting!?” he was getting frustrated. “fine. i'll tell you, only because i know you'll find out sooner or later.” he pulled you onto his lap, one hand holding your thigh, while the other grabbed your curvy hip. you took a deep breath before continuing. “okay. earlier today i baked you cookies and i stopped by your house so i could drop them off. but your dad was there, and i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. it was my fault. okay?” 

he shook his head, his grip on your thigh tightening. “you're telling me that my father gave you a black eye?” his tone was shockingly low as he absorbed every word you said. “yes. and he stomped on the cookies i made you.” his chest started heaving. “i fucking hate him! everything in my life he has to ruin. you, you mean so fucking much to me, and he’s over here throwing punches at you!” you stayed quiet. “jj?” he looked down at you, trying not to get too worked up because the last thing he wanted to do was scare you, “yes princess?” you hesitated with what you were going to say. you leaned your head to rest onto his shoulder.

“i- okay, i really appreciate you, but i can't have you getting hurt because of me. you're not my boyfriend, and you don't have to protect me anymore. i know you feel obligated with that pact we made when i first moved here, but you don't have to inconvenience yourself by coming over here every night, or by fighting people who harass me, or anything. jj, i feel so bad that you are roped into this position because i never intended for this to happen.” he stays silent, “no way am i leaving you. princess, please throw that thought away right now. i’m here for you always. and i am going to continue to protect you because even if i'm not your boyfriend, that doesn't mean i don't want you safe.”

you are so stunned by his response that your breath gets caught in your throat. “what do you mean?” he smiles looking down, his hands finding themselves comfortable around your hips. “what i'm saying is, that i do want to be your boyfriend. i want people to know how much you mean to me, and i want the whole world to be jealous that i have you, and they can't have you. i want to be the one who protects you. so, if you'd want me too, i'd love to be your boyfriend, if not that is completely okay.” you stared at him, “jj, you'll never know how long i've wanted to do this.” he looks at you confused before your lips connect to his. you run your hand through his hair, while the other hand is sitting on his jaw. his hands hungrily grasp your hips as he pulls you closer to enhance the kiss. you both pull away, smiling.

you asked jj to spend the night with you. he agreed, which resulted in him laying on his back as your head lay still on his chest. one of his hands was always touching you, so he could ensure you weren't going to go anywhere. as you slowly fell asleep beside him, he started to think about what his father had done. with anger clouding his better judgement, he stealthily slipped out your grasp, and climbed out your window, set to fulfil the goal in his head.

eek i hope this was good <333. perhaps a part two...???

[thepixelelf]

02 Jeon Wonwoo

read first: intro

When the first tape ends, Chan slowly lowers his headphones to hang around his neck. He closes his eyes, trying his best to take it all in.

So... Woozi must be the other person Soonyoung was talking to. Not who the message was for, but the person recording the whole thing. Jihoon.

That must mean the rest of the tapes are the same -- someone telling their story. But why? Just to make music?

Opening his eyes, Chan reaches for the box and looks inside. Under a few more tapes, he finds the second cassette.

02 Jeon Wonwoo

They have to be in order for a reason, don’t they? Chan sort of wants to see how many tapes there are, or if any are missing, but he’s too eager to start the next one. He takes Soonyoung’s cassette out of his Walkman and places it back in the box before slipping the second one in. 

An even, steady melody plays in a low range, almost like a march, but after a few seconds, another melody joins in. This one is higher, more playful, and at first, there’s dissonance between the two.

Chan’s leg bounces in anticipation.

Hello.

…

Sorry is that— is that too formal? It feels formal.

It’s not like I don’t know this person. I mean, obviously I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I just… It’s been a while. Since I’ve talked to them, I mean.

You know how it is, right Jihoon?

Sorry, I’ll um… I’ll start again.

Hello.

Damn it.

Hi.

I’m recording this for you because, well… I don’t know exactly. Jihoon is recording love stories, I guess. Heartbreak stories. For his music.

And I know we didn’t exactly have a love story, but...

I don’t know. I thought I could…

I thought I could tell you the stuff I never could before. The stuff I never told you because I was too stupid to realize it myself.

I didn’t tell you then, and now… 

You’re — god, we’re in two classes together this semester, and we haven’t said a word to each other. I just… recording this feels easier than going up to you right now.

I feel like if I approach you first, I’ll scare you away.

Just like before…

…

…

Maybe I’ll start by saying sorry.

That day, I don’t know why I said what I said.

Not that I didn’t mean it, exactly… but that sounds so harsh when I say it out loud.

Calling you annoying… clingy… that was really mean, wasn’t it? I even knew you were insecure about that type of thing. Of being burdensome.

I don’t know. I was just so… fed up with the world that day. Graduation was around the corner, and I was still fighting with myself over my future career — you remember.

Or maybe not…

I was so, so tired. And then you came up to me, and you confessed again for the millionth time, and…

I’m sorry.

For… blowing up in your face like that. For rejecting you in that way.

I know I “rejected” you a bunch of times in high school — you’d tell me you liked me at least once a week, and you’d always come back around, but this time…

I guess it was just too much. 

… 

I never thought you’d stop. I honestly thought that your persistence would last forever.

Mingyu used to say you were like a puppy, and that was Mingyu talking. He said you were this… cheerful ball of sunshine to go along with my boring self.

I saw that. I just didn’t think I’d miss it so much once you were gone.

Or, I guess, I never thought you’d be gone in the first place.

After that big argument — actually, I don’t know if I can call it an argument when it was only me yelling…

After that, you just disappeared.

I had to hear from Mingyu that you’d gone to some faraway university.

You’d told me about that opportunity a bunch of times, but…

You said you got rejected, didn’t you?

…

Oh.

I remember now. I said I was studying here, and then you said you were rejected.

I think I did suspect that was a lie when I first heard it, but when you actually left, I didn’t think about that at all.

Until… that, I was holding you back, huh? You were planning to stay here with me.

I guess that’s one good thing, then. That I wasn’t holding you back anymore.

…

But I’m still sorry. You didn’t deserve that.

You hanging around me all the time wasn’t annoying. I…

I liked having you with me.

I know I didn’t always show it. Maybe never.

But I did.

You were always so nice — you practically lit up whatever room you were in.

I don’t know why I always hid my smile from you. Maybe it was just stupid teenager stuff, having to be cool or whatever in front of other people.

…

Thanks for always being there for me. I don’t know how you always knew when I was feeling down, but I really appreciated when you’d just sit down next to me and talk about anything. Even I didn’t know that could calm me down, but having that as a distraction really helped.

...Did I ever thank you for that back then?

God, I was awful, wasn’t I?

…

Sorry.

…

…

...It took me a while.

After you left, I got so caught up in everything that I didn’t realize you were the reason it all felt so… empty.

What they say is true, huh?

You can only miss something once it’s gone.

…

…

But now you’re back.

It’s been, what? Three, four years?

I don’t even know why you’re back. Here. Where I am.

I guess I could ask, but…

Why haven’t you said anything?

I know you’ve seen me. I don’t look all that different.

…

There has to be a reason, right?

…

…

Do you…?

Do you still hate me? For what I did?

What I said?

…

I guess I shouldn’t blame you if you do.

…

But... that must mean you don’t want to talk to me.

So I won’t ask why you’re back.

I won’t say hi.

…

If that’s what you want.

The Recovery Files: Rewind 2017

[storiesforallfandoms]

the only one for me ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1493

request?: yes!

“MGK Fluff ??”

description: the endless dating rumors regarding her boyfriend start to get to her

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, insecurities

masterlist (one, two)

Logging onto Twitter and seeing yet another dating rumor regarding my boyfriend and some famous, beautiful female was basically a daily routine at this point. It seemed to be nothing new, but that didn’t make it hurt any less every time I saw a new post about it.

The latest rumored lady to have “stolen Colson’s heart” was Megan Fox, who had starred in Colson’s latest music video. The article I was reading stated how much chemistry Colson and Megan had on set and how it was “so obvious” that they had a secret romance happening behind the scenes.

I wasn’t hurt because I believed the rumors. I trusted Colson. I knew he’d never cheat on me, but seeing all these beautiful women and seeing his fans and media outlets commenting on how cute he would look with someone else so much prettier than me really did nothing for my confidence.

I wasn’t famous, I was just your average girl who worked an average hob and went to school on the side. Due to this, Colson and I decided to keep our relationship a secret so I wouldn’t be harassed by paparazzi and fans. I appreciated the privacy I had been getting, but it did make it hard to see all these dating rumors.

This rumor got to me in a way the others hadn’t before and I had an overwhelming urge to call Colson. He was probably asleep or preparing for the show that night, but I needed to hear his voice.

I was shocked when he answered on the third ring. “Hey babe!”

I could hear a crowd on his end of the call. “Hey! What’s all the noise?”

“We’re celebrating before I go on stage.”

“Before?” I asked, teasingly. “What are you guys celebrating?”

“The Bloody Valentine video hit a million views in less than 24 hours! None of my videos have ever done that before, so we’re celebrating.”

“Oh my God, Colson that’s amazing! Congratulations!”

Someone called out to Colson on his end. I could hear him responding, but his response was muffled as I realized the voice was a female voice.

“Is that...is that Megan?” I asked.

“Yeah! We invited her since she’s the leading lady of the video.” Another comment was made by Megan, to which Colson said to me, “She says hi!”

I couldn’t respond. I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes and I was afraid Colson would hear my voice breaking if I spoke. Instead, I managed to squeak out a “gotta go” before hanging up.

~~~~~~

As I expected, there were articles published about the video celebration, specifically about Colson and Megan. A handful of pictures were taken outside wherever the celebration was taking place of Colson and Megan laughing as he puffed on a joint. The captions posted under this picture from numerous sites and fan pages were all the same: “look how cute Megan and Colson are!”

I had to go offline for a while because I was getting more upset than I had before.

It seemed like Colson didn’t notice as much as I did, so I never really brought the issue up. I didn’t want him to think he couldn’t be friends with women, or think of me as a jealous girlfriend or anything.

But I knew he could tell something was off. He kept trying to coax it out of me, but I wouldn’t budge. I figured he would grow tired of my refusal and would let it go. The last thing I expected was to come home from work one day and find Colson waiting for me in my apartment.

“Hey!” I said when I found him sat in my living room. “What are you doing here?”

“We have a few days before the next show, so I asked to come home before then,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you.”

The six worst words to ever hear. I felt my worry rise as I approached him and sat next to him on the couch.

“What’s on your mind lately?” he asked. “I know you keep saying it’s nothing, but I can tell it’s not nothing. I’m worried about you, babe. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

I looked down at my lap as I shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just work and school, I guess.”

“Is this about Megan?”

For some reason, hearing him say her name felt like I was being stabbed through the heart. I had to bite my lip to try and hold back my tears.

“When you hung up so suddenly during the video celebration, I realized something was up,” he said. “And then you started deleting your social media accounts, or making them private, and you were acting different. It all started that night. If it’s because we invited Megan to the party, I’m sorry if that upset you. There was no underlying meanings behind inviting her, it was just because she was in the video and we decided she should be at the celebration.”

“It’s not because she was there!” I finally snapped, unable to hold myself back. “I don’t care if you’re friends with Megan, or with any woman, but I do care that everyone thinks you’re dating every female who so much as breathes in your direction. And it really doesn’t help my self-esteem to see people saying how happy you look or how cute you’d look with someone who is, like, a million times prettier than me.”

“Babe, that’s not true,” he said. “I mean, I’ve seen the rumors about me and Megan, but it’s not all the women I’m friends with - ”

I laughed, humorlessly. “No, not all of them. Just Chantal and Noah and Ash and Sommer and now Megan. So no, not all of them, just most of them.”

I could see the gears turning in Colson’s head as he thought about it. Maybe he didn’t see the same stuff I did, maybe I just saw more because of how insecure it made me. But those rumors were there, and they had been nearly our entire relationship.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I never realized...I don’t attention to shit like that. I never thought much about the way I acted around my female friends.”

“You treat them the way you treat the boys,” I said. “I’ve seen how you are with Ash, the two of you are just friends. But people don’t believe that men and women can just be friends so when they see men and women acting as friends, they assume that means they’re dating. There’s nothing you can really do about it.”

Colson put a hand on mine and gave it a squeeze. “You don’t believe any of that shit though, right? You know it’s all media bullshit.”

I nodded. “Yeah, of course I do. I know you’d never cheat on me. I trust you so much.”

“And you can’t possibly believe that they’re any more beautiful than you are.”

I chuckled. “Okay, that one I can’t agree to considering the person you’re currently in a dating rumor with is Megan fucking Fox. I mean, have you seen her? She’s the most beautiful woman in the world!”

“Not to me she’s not.”

I looked away from him again, feeling my cheeks heat up and a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do.” I felt his finger gently touch my chin, lifting my head so I would look at him. “(Y/N), I hope you know you mean the world to me. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and you own my heart. You’re the only one for me and I love you more than words could ever say. I’m sorry you’ve had to witness all these stupid rumors, and I’m sorry I never noticed them so I could assure you of all of this sooner. But I mean it, you’re everything to me. I love you so much.”

The tears I had been holding back for so long finally started to fall down my cheeks. I awkwardly laughed as I tried to wipe them away, but they just kept coming. “That was so cliche.”

“You loved it, though.”

“I love you, that’s a whole different thing.”

Colson smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. Warmth filled me as my lips touched his, and it was just another reminder that he was mine. I ran my hand through his hair and leaned into him until we were both laying back on the couch.

When we finally managed to pull away from one another, Colson rested his forehead on mine. “Did you have any other plans today?”

I shook my head.

“Good, because I don’t intend on letting you leave this apartment any time soon.”

He wrapped me into a tight cuddle, and I gladly accepted these plans he had made for us.

[yaomomvs]

SEIJOH MANANGER HEADCANONS

seijoh, aoba johsai x reader | slight oikawa, iwaizumi and kunimi x reader.

a/n: ugh! i just love my seijoh boys so much! and so, i decided to make one more headcanons for them, tysm! hopefully i’ll do inarizaki next or maybe karasuno.

a bit long but i just love them,and i will do a part two mainly focusing on while they do volleyball this is more of random things

other seijoh!manager works: one | two

the volume in this bus is ASTRONOMICAL

you actually never thought of joining a club, specially a sports one.

but you needed it, so while looking at the board of the school’s options you were unsure.

“i just really need something not that complicated, and that helps me helping others” you muttered to yourself

little did you know the coach of the volleyball team was there, this nice man turned to you and offered you a place in the team.

“but please if you are one of oikawa’s fangirls dont-” “who now?” you genuinely asked. seeing that you didn’t had a clue of who he was talking about he immediately handed the application for to you.

it was first day and you were already late, but you managed to enter the gym half way practice.

you guys remember that tanaka and kiyoko scene in s4? well it was the same

“sorry for being late coach!” your voice sounded all over the place since someone was serving and it was pretty quiet.

ALL OF THEM WERE SHOCKED LIKE 🧍🏻‍♀️

the serve even hit yahaba’s face because everyone got distracted by your beauty

“i- did i do something?” “existing omg”

the coach lined up everyone and they greeted you welcoming you to the team.

you were flustered because it was like you never had a lot of guys around you and now you had to take care of all of them and also

aoba johsai’s team had one of the most attractive boys around likeeee

now, a year later, the energy is purely chaotic.

and i mean like

kindaichi and kunimi are lowkey the ones who respect you the most

not only because you, even if it was for only a year, you were their upperclassman but also you had presence

when karasuno came to the practice andy oh catched both of them after talking to kageyama in the bathroom, you pinched their ears and scolded them

“you both do that again and i’m not being compassionate” “SORRY Y/N”

but also lowkey your admirers

kunimi literally only showed strong emotions around you

“i brought you some sweets” he regularly says

“oh you are great! thank you kunimi!”you appreciated this guys little details with you

“so you have a favoritism with our manager huh?”

“y/n permission to hit kindaichi”

“permission conceded”

kindaichi also respected you because you, when he entered seijoh months ago, were one of the ones who made him believe and helped getting over that anger he had with his ex teammates and you even assured that kageyama was the reason he got better, even if he wouldn’t accept it

the second years, your literal followers

like seriously yahaba watori were always around you.

being in the same grade and class as both dod not helped a lot.

they are like puppies with anxiety separation

because you are the reason they feel loved and cared for

they always sit next to you in class, and they make sure you are comfortable with it.

you need help with hw? watori always is there

yahaba lets you paint his nails every time you got bored in class

you were such a powerful trio

they always bring your favorite drink in the mornin

you even developed this sixth sense where if you just look at each other you know exactly who are you making fun of without even speaking

you always make fun of the shit way of yahaba to flirt oml

and you even advice him on what should he do or not when meeting someone new.

istg if it was not bc of you he would have never got his first date with his crush

kyoutani later joined you, but he had trouble on trusting you

but seeing all the team laying on you he actually let himself rely on another person for the first time

he was the one who scared those stupid volleyball boys fan girls (oikawa’s or the other guys ones) away from you

he also thinks that you are not bad physically talking and he actually says it but privately

he also whenever he is mad or just frustrated comes to you and what he likes is that you don’t go in deep of the details but instead you try to distract him with random thing you say.

“guys i told you several times” you laughed “i do have other thing to do! it not like i can attend every night out with you! i have other friends too!”

“so, we are not watching cartoons tonight?”

“i hate you all so much” you surrendered “see you at 8 pm”

you became the second years core four

and also they looked up to you a lot, why? because you are the only people who always deals with the third years shit

god i think your connection with the third years was only a bit more noticeable than the second years

why? you were not afraid to mess up with them

to be real iwaizumi as oikawa caught your eye since moment one, they were naturally attractive and talented but you made a promise to not fall for anyone

omg you were so wrong

if it was iwaizumi, he always made sure you felt comfortable around

you were no vb genius so he took the time to explain you a bunch of things you did not know 🥺

also, he’s the kind of guy to stop everyone spiking because you were crossing through the gym so no ball gets you

he is the one who always search for you in school, asked about your day, and stuff that might seem basic but it was really meaningful

like he is the kind of guy who memorizes all your favorite places, treats, music anything and actually tries to get you to talk about it

oikawa on the other hand was the one who actually made you feel like part of them

he is so sweet!

like

oikawa only starts practice when you are there

like bold of someone to start hitting a ball without you there, he considered you part of the team, so he always waited for you

he walked you home or nearby every time he could he wanted you safe

his eyes always always instantly light up and screams “y/n-chan!” and immediately runs to you

but also he is the one who search you the most around

if it was lunch time he went to your home room and literally lunches with you no matter what or who

he never lets anyone lend you their hoodie, it always has to be his that you are wearing

he self crowned himself as your favorite

he hugs you out of nowhere istg is the best feeling ever

hanamaki also also also considers you priority

he is kinda more of the lowkey one, he is mainly the one who checks up on you

he once spotted a bruise in your arm and he immediately freaked out

“DO I HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE” “god no! i just dropped a huge book there!”

hanamaki is the one who waits for you in the entrance of the gym to walk with you to practice

he also is the first one to notice if something is wrong with you along with iwachan

they both unintentionally pay attention to you a lot and if you do something out of the common they just approach you

and they are always right

“what’s wrong y/n?” hanamaki says

“yeah, is everything okay you need anything?” iwaizumi continues.

“what do you mean guys? i’m okay” you obviously try to lie.

“no you are not, you are acting different”

“yea iwachan is right you always change yous t shirt before practice and the way you are ordering the volleyballs is off”

“why do know me so well” you indeed had a terrible day, so you almost tear up bb of that and be of how amazing your boys were to you sometimes”

“come here little one”

you heard a pout

“i see you oikawa, you can get a hug too. matsu come here”

matsukawa is your hype man

he loves messing with you like in the big brother sister way

like if a guy asked you out he’d be like “sis you can do so much better”

you are always being salty whether it’s between you or other ones

besides if you do have a crush on anyone on the team matsu is the only one to know

and he’d constantly blackmail you with that

“if you don’t buy me anything from the vending machine i will tell oikawa you actually swoon for him” “OKAY FINE”

“tell the coach that we do not need laps or iwaizumi is gonna knowwwww about” “i hate you so much”

but returning to the point you always messed with them specially the four third years

and you were so good at it

one day, you ‘innocently’ mentioned to the boys “i’m just telling you! i’ve never seen two pretty best friends, one of them always gotta be ugly”

GOD LORD THE BOMB YOU JUST ACTIVATED

THEY SPENT A WHOLE WEEK TRYING TO FUGURE OUT WHO WAS THE PRETTY BEST FRIEND BETWEEN IWA AND OIKAWA, ALSO MATSU AND HANAMAKI AHHAHAHAAH

your third years never made you feel insecure

like if you think idk listening to btr was weird because someone in the past made you feel like it be sure the next day they WILL PLAY FUCKING BIG TIME RUSH IN PRACTICE ONLY FOR YOU TO VIBE WITH THEM

also they all four have this little thought that they have to be the ones who protect you

in the court you looked out for them, outside of it they were the ones who did that

if you were teased or someone even had the audacity to make fun of you it could go three ways

you stoping kyoutani and yahaba because they were so ready to throw hands

matsukawa, hanamaki and kunimi just taking you out of there and rather say positive thinks about you

or oikawa and iwaizumi behind you giving the saltiest and meanest glares to whoever dared talking you that way and saying “and you still wonder why people don’t like you?, ” then iwaizumi says “you are right oikawa, you piece of crap have your entire life to be a jerk. take a day off your stupidity won’t left anyways”

god you sure loved those guys

BUT

as it can be really useful sometimes there were other times were they become so annoying

specially when it’s about someone liking you.

like romantic styles

i live for the idea that the vb team had obviously fangirls, oikawa mostly. but you also did

like yeah the fangirls of oikawa and the boys envied you

but the guys in aoba johsai high envied the volleyball team even more

god bless the poor guy or girl who DARES to ask you out

like please someone stop them 😭

on valentine’s day you came to practice a bit late just because you needed to figure it out how to organize all the fucking love letters and the chocolates and flowers that you got over the day.

oikawa was already worried as he always waited for you to start, and so were the guys so they decided to warm up a bit more to wait.

you crossed the door with thousands of gifts and all of that barely catching the ones which you dropped. because at this point you did not even try to hide it from the boys, you just wanted them to start practice.

he looked at you and knew exactly what that meant. he received this every once in a while, but god what was that feeling in his chest when some other people like you?

iwaizumi felt that too, that weird feeling not wanting anyone to think about you that wayyyyy

the rest of the boys had divided opinions but still you were their manager.

“so did all this came from...”

“yes matsu...”

“okay but for scientific purposes we need the names”

“HANAMAKI NO”

poor boys, they just are all scared that you’ll leave them because of someone

what a dramatic queens they are all

some of them didn’t like it bc they also had a big crush on you

so what they do is that they gatekeep anyone from you

like oml if they ever catched you and a girl or guy and they knew they liked you they constantly beg for your attention.

and it’s not only because they are being dramatic but also because they remember last year when you went out with some random dude and broke your heart like

they almost killed that guy

so they wanted you to feel happy and safe

to them? honestly you are the light of their life.

they dedicate every game to you, they take care of you, they listen to you, they brag about you, they love you

because honestly you did all that for them first

and ever since then they made sure to return that to you.

[harrisonstories]

The Beatles and Martha during the Mad Day Out photoshoot (1968)

Q: Give a brief thumbnail sketch of each Beatle as you perceived him.

Ken Mansfield: Paul was the energetic one, the one that seemed like the popular kid in high school. He was the one whom you would cruise main street with your arms hanging over the car door edge, pressing tight to make your muscles look bigger. He would be the guy who would wave at the girls and slow down so they could jump in the back. I never felt a strong personal agenda coming from Paul, and by that I mean that it didn’t feel like you had to figure out who he was or where he was coming from. He was always presenting the next project or place to go. It was the sheer impetus of purpose that put things in motion so what you saw was an idea and a goal, and none of it needed complicated examination. “Here’s what we are about to do and that was exactly what we were about to do.”

To me, Paul was the unabashed leader of the group, the hard-charging one with the ideas and the one that on the surface seemed to be less troubled about things in general. I’ve said it before that he was like a hyper-kinetic kid that never slowed down – the difference being that he was able to harness this energy into his God-given musical talent and just let ‘er rip. In all honesty, he wore me out. It was fun, the times I got to hang with him or work with him, but his tempo was maddening and his energy pool bottomless. I did have an underlying pressure as the US manager of their company so that I couldn’t just totally go with the flow and hang out and party. My responsibilities were always looming in the back of my mind. If we had been high school buddies and there had been no fame, I think Paul would be the kind of person who would be great to hook up with again at class reunions. It would always be good to see him again. He, like the other Beatles, had an admirable sense of loyalty to their old mates. I was with Paul when he brought Ivan Vaughn, an old friend from his Liverpool school days to LA with him to just hang out. Ivan was certainly no one famous or even in the business – just an old friend hanging out with a mate who just happened to be the “cute Beatle.”

George was the one you would have seen in the cafeteria keeping to himself. But he would also be the one to move things aside in order to make room for you when you sat down in the seat next to him. He would welcome the company and share in the moment in an easy manner. He was the kind of guy that a slow, easy friendship would develop with over time and without the fame an everyday George would have probably been the perfect neighbor. He was so gentle and easy to be with. There was thoughtfulness in his responses to things as they were happening whether it was the conversation or the next move. He was the model of a man at peace with what was going on inside and his serenity spilled out into his surroundings. I could talk with him about simple things and was able to forget the Apple stuff because I could tell that the world didn’t begin and end with that for him. He would be more concerned about how I was doing rather than what I was doing. We shared some very personal times together because we were young, happening dudes with new wives who liked each other. I got to be the LA guy with him during his frequent and extended stays. Just because we were in Hollywood didn’t mean we had to be crazy. It was simple and easy being with George – we would go buy jeans together or sit around the house late at night and not say much.

John was the different one. He was the kid who also might be eating his lunch alone but would probably be standing up, leaning against the soda machine looking out across the lunchroom like it was another planet. There was always this sense that he was a bit unapproachable and he would be the one to do the approaching if anything was going to come down on a personal level. I spent less time with him than the others with the main difference being that I never had that alone time away from the band or Yoko – except for the day over at Ringo’s LA home in 1976. That particular event was an accidental encounter and definitely not a bonding moment.

I have written a lot about John over the years and it surprised me how many pages I spent on him after having had so little contact. I believe it was because of the complexity of his nature that it took more words to describe him. He was a brooder. There seemed a distance in place that made me always wonder how our exchanges were being digested and assimilated. I found in time this had more to do with my insecurities than his inaccessibility. He was very focused and intent at times and didn’t have time for niceties. When I finally understood him better I found this to be because he was very straight ahead and honest when it was one on one time. John cared about issues of importance and would get very frustrated when he couldn’t make matters better. He was like many of the great artists I worked with who had the odd ability to be in the extreme corners of life, jumping back and forth from altruism to self-centered madness without ever spending much time in the middle. Gee, I wonder why he was the one everyone was so fascinated with?

Ringo was the long-term guy. He’s the one you would meet the first day at school and just because you ended up in the cloak room at the same time going for the same coat hook, you became friends for the rest of your school years and never really thought much about why. He was  the most natural, most accessible and the most down to earth. I remember when I was in London it was his house that I was invited out to for a holiday feast. When we were in LA it was gatherings at our homes that were of the norm. We shared a lot of our lives over the years and it was usually the simple things that stand out when I think back. He was the one I got to know best and the easiest to describe. I never liked the fact that he was relegated to the fourth man down on their totem pole when it came to the band’s pecking order. Besides being the best absolute drummer they could have chosen, he is an exceptional actor in my opinion. It is hard to find someone sharper or funnier in head-to-head dialogue. He brought “Starr” power to the band.

- Daytrippin’ Beatles Magazine (2 Feb. 2013)

[babymetaldoll]

Let me show you how I love you (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

NOT MY GIF! whoever made this, I love you so much!! 

Requested: Yes :) “The reader finds out about Madison Beer's post that was a while ago, and she gets jealous. But Matthew shows her that she has nothing to worry about.”

Category: Smut and fluff with a dash of angst.

Summary: When (Y/N) feels insecure, Matthew Gray Gubler shows her how much he loves and wants her.

Warnings: low self-esteem issues, cursing (obviously), oral sex, penetrative sex, daddy kink. All the good stuff.

Word count: 2,9K

Masterlist

A/N: Yes, this is my first official published smut. I hope it doesn't suck. Sorry if it does. Also, I'm kind of late on A LOT of requests, sorry, but I promise I'm working on all of them!! I just need a little time to make sure they are awesome <3 thank you all for reading!! You are the best!

(Y/N) looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She had spent most of the afternoon crying, curled on the bed, hugging the pillow.

She had never felt so insecure and self-aware of each one of her flaws before.

Her arms were too chubby, she had cellulitis on her legs, and her hair didn't look pretty at all, no matter how much care she took of it. She tried her best, but she felt she failed every day.

And her boyfriend was gorgeous. As she stared at her reflex in the mirror, she wondered why someone like Matthew Gray Gubler would date her? Honestly, hands down, she wasn't anything special, not like him. He had worked as a model for Christ's Sakes! Girls on the street drooled over him. He had fans all over the world who would die to be with him. Even celebrities had a crush on him.

And unfortunately, that was what hurt her that day.

Usually, (Y/N) wouldn't overthink any of this. She would take a deep breath and look into Matthew's eyes and know how much he loved her. But not that day.

Maybe it was because he had been out of town for over three weeks now. The thought of him meeting someone else when he was away had started hunting (Y/N)'s mind and spreading the fear of rejection all over her body, like a disease.

A friend had sent (Y/N) a screenshot of a tweet earlier that day. Madison Beer had tweeted she loved Matthew Gray Gubler for the second time that week. The second time. And it got under her skin 'cos she wasn't as hot as Madison Beer was. Not a chance. That girl looked perfect on the screen, and she... well, she looked human. And Matthew didn't deserve human, 'cos he was heavenly made.

Seriously, why was he dating her? That's what she kept asking herself as she stood in front of that mirror, making her best not to cry anymore. It would come the day he noticed she was a mess, and he would leave her. Of that, (Y/N) was sure.

- "Bunny? I'm home!"

- "Fuck!"- (Y/N) ran to the bathroom to wash her face. She didn't know Matthew was coming home that day, and though she was excited to see him, she didn't want him to see her like that.

What a shitty way to welcome your boyfriend after three weeks apart: crying and wearing an oversized sweatshirt. Any other pretty girl would wait for him in sexy lingerie, makeup, and looking hot as fuck.

(Y/N) felt like crying again.

- "Bunny? are you here"- Matthew walked into the room and spotted his girlfriend in the bathroom- "There you are!!"- he ran to her and hugged her tight. She locked her arms around him tight and sighed. He smelled so good, always. He closed his eyes, thinking exactly the same: she smelled like home. Her neck was the place he never wanted to leave.

- "I missed you so much"- he whispered against her skin and moved his face, reaching her lips and kissing her with such passion and love, she felt a knot in her throat. It made her want to cry to think she might lose him over anyone else.

- "Are you ok?"- he whispered, frowning. (Y/N)'s eyes were filled with tears- "Why are you crying?"

- "I just missed you so much,"- she muttered and kissed him again. Matthew held her tight and tangled his fingers in her hair. He bit her lips and tasted her. His hands quickly roamed from (Y/N)'s hair down her back until her bottom, lifting her and sitting her on the sink.

- "I missed you too, Bunny, so fucking much. I just couldn't stop thinking about you all day, every day"- Matthew tried to pull up her sweatshirt, but suddenly, she stopped him, tugging it down.

- "What is it?"

- "Nothing... I just..."

- "Are you cold?

- "No... I..."- (Y/N) really didn't want to tell him she was embarrassed about her body, considering he had seen her naked a hundred times already.

- "What is it?"- Gubler started kissing her neck sweetly, and his hands made their way underneath her sweatshirt moving slowly up her back. She shivered at the sensation of his touch and moaned, biting her lips. That was music for his ears.

- "Do you know what I thought about the whole way home?"- he rubbed his lips against her neck as he spoke, sending electric charges all over her body. - "I couldn't stop imagining your face when you cum underneath me, screaming my name."

His voice was low, sexy, like velvet, caressing her ear.

-"I wanna leave bruises on this pretty neck"- he started licking and nibbling on it. (Y/N) moaned again.

- "And all the way to your tits"- but when he tried to take out her sweatshirt again, she stopped him.

- "Ok, what is it?"- Matthew took a step back and (Y/N) shook at the sudden cold she felt, losing contact with his body.

- "Nothing,"- she whispered and looked at her hands on her lap

- "Bunny"- Matthew touched her chin softly and tilted up her face until she looked at his eyes- "What is it?"

- "I just"

(Y/N) felt so dumb trying to explain what was wrong. If he wouldn't dump her for being ugly, he would definitely do it for being stupid. In the four years of dating, she had never felt this way before. Why now? And why did it hit her so hard?

- "I just..."

(Y/N) tried to explain what was going on again, but the way Matthew was looking at her made her feel more nervous. She moved from him and walked to their shared room. Maybe if she didn't look at him in the eyes, she could explain what was going on.

- "Bunny, did anything bad happen when I was away?"

Now Matthew was worried. He tried to remember if his girlfriend had mentioned anything that could have upset her. But no, nothing came to his mind.

- "I just don't know why you like me."

She whispered and looked outside the window to make sure Matthew's eyes couldn't look at her.

- What?- Gubler was lost in that conversation.

- "You deserve to be with a beautiful woman. You are fucking gorgeous, and I am so fucking... ordinary"- tears filled her eyes as she tried to stay calm.

- "Bunny... what are you talking about? you are beautiful!"- he stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, holding her close. (Y/N) closed her eyes for a moment, melting at his touch.

- "Matthew... I am not"- she murmured- "I have cellulitis and stretch marks. I'm far from being size 0, I have no idea how to make my makeup or hair, and there is no way anyone out there can believe you are dating me."

Gubler turned his girlfriend around and forced her to look at him. She was crying.

- "Why are you so hard on yourself? (Y/N), you are gorgeous?- she grunted and rolled her eyes, but Matthew continued.

- "When I first saw you, I couldn't stop staring at you because you are so beautiful. It took me three drinks to finally get the courage to talk to you."

- "Matthew, you dated models, for christ's sakes! Pretty girls are throwing themselves to you all the time! Look at me! I'm a regular girl on a sweatshirt, who..."

But Matthew didn't let her finish talking. He pulled her closer and kissed her, his hands holding her face firmly as he did.

- "I love you, (Y/N)"- he whispered as he continued kissing her- "You, I want you."

- "But..."- she tried to move, but he didn't let her. He looked at her for a moment and kissed away the tears from her cheeks.

- "I love you, all of you, every inch of you"- he continued kissing her cheeks and her forehead as his hands played with her hair. (Y/N) closed her eyes and sighed.

- "There's no one out there that could ever tempt me. Do you wanna know why?"

- "Why?"- (Y/N) whispered and pouted. Matthew couldn't control himself and bit her lower lip sweetly.

- "Because I am yours, (Y/N). All yours"

How could anyone resist those words?

Matthew Gray Gubler stared at (Y/N) and kissed the tip of her nose.

- "And I want you. All the time. You are perfect, my little princess. To me, you are the most beautiful woman on earth, and I thank god every day for giving me the chance to love you."

Matthew made a pause and held the edge of her sweatshirt. She didn't move or tried to stop him. So, he pulled it up and tossed it aside. His girlfriend was now standing in front of him only in her panties.

He held his breath and contemplated her for a few seconds. (Y/N) blushed and kept looking at him, feeling a weird mix of excitement and embarrassment at the same time.

- "Let me show you how much I love you, Bunny"- Matthew leaned in. He kissed her neck sweetly, taking a few steps closer to the bed, until she fell onto it and felt the warmth of his body on top of her, his lips trailing kisses all the way to her breast.

- "Your skin is so soft, and touching you feels so good is addictive"- he hummed for a moment, still kissing her

- "I love your tits, they are perky and soft, and I'm obsessed with how they feel when I suck them"- and just like that, Matthew did so, making his girlfriend moan loudly in a second

- "And I'm in love with this ass"- he rolled her on the bed and bit her bottom, and squeezed it- "I love to spank it and leave bruises on it when you've been a bad girl."

(Y/N) moaned one more time and tried not to close her eyes. She wanted to look at him as he worshiped every inch of her skin, now kissing her waistline and her belly.

- "And your pussy. I am in love with your tight little pussy, Bunny"- Matthew placed himself between her legs and kissed her inner thighs sweetly, pulling her panties down.

- "I love how it's so wet for me right now."- he whispered and slowly placed a finger inside of her, making her shiver and pant. He smiled, staring at her for a moment. He loved her, and he would do anything and everything to make her believe him.

Slowly, he ran his tongue around her clit, teasing her, as he curled his finger inside of her.

- "Fuck"- (Y/N) cursed and sighed, still trying to keep her eyes open. That one word was enough to fuel Matthew. He licked her and tasted her, humming against her folds.

- "You taste so good,"- he whispered and removed his finger to replace it with his tongue. He wanted to taste all of her. The sensation of his tongue made her buck up her hips unconsciously, and he forced them down with both hands.

- "Do you like that?

- "Yes, daddy."

(Y/N) managed to say, though her brain wasn't functioning correctly with all the pleasure she was feeling at the moment. It was like a wave that washed away every single coherent thought she could have.

Matthew smiled and continued licking her, tasting every inch of her. He soaked the tender flesh on her thighs, teasing her and leaving small bruises, to then lick her clit again. She was a mess on that bed. Panting and moaning his name over and over again.

- "I wanna eat you out every day until I die,"- Gubler whispered against her pussy.

- "I wanna make you cum on my mouth until you can't take it anymore, princess."

With those words and his tongue, (Y/N) felt her climax approach quickly. It never took Matthew much to make her cum like that. He knew her too well. Two fingers inside her pussy and his tongue licking her clit, humming and groaning against her.

- "Daddy, I'm gonna...."- she somehow said, gasping and moaning

- "I want you to say my name when you cum"- he commanded, and his tongue licked her whole center, tasting her, as his fingers continued pumping in and out of her.

(Y/N) panted and guided one of her hands to his hair, tangling his fingers on it. Her other hand kept playing with her nipples, pinching them until she felt the fire inside of her burning and exploiting all of a sudden.

- "M... Ma... Matthew!!"- she managed to cry out as Gubler held her hips down, 'cos once she started coming, her whole body was shaking.

Gubler continued licking her sweet and carefully until she wouldn't move anymore. Then, he traced a path of kisses from her center to her lips slowly, passing by her tummy, breast, collar bone, and neck.

- "I love you so fucking much, princess"- (Y/N) heard him and raised her legs to wrap them around him as he placed himself upon her.

- "You are the most beautiful, sexy, and perfect woman I have ever known."

Gubler rubbed his cock against her overstimulated clit, still sensitive after coming. (Y/N) looked at him and bit her lips. His sweaty forehead rested on hers for a moment, and he whispered with the softest voice.

- "Do you believe me now? do you believe you are the only one for me?"

- "Yes"- she answered and moaned as he pushed himself into her entrance slowly. Painfully slowly.

- "I don't want anyone else, pretty girl"- he praised and took some flicks of hair from her face as he stared at her- "You are mine, you know that"- Matthew rocked slowly upon her. (Y/N) scratched his back, feeling how he opened her with every thrust.

- "I'm yours,"- she repeated and kissed him, tasting herself in his lips. It was a sloppy kiss filled with passion and hunger.

Gubler took a deep breath and concentrated on what he was doing because her pussy felt too good around his cock, and he needed to hold himself not to come right away.

He loved being inside of her. No other woman had ever felt that way. And if only (Y/N) knew everything she did to him, she would never doubt herself again.

- "Well, I'm yours too"- he confessed and smiled, staring at her with such love, (Y/N) felt like crying again- "You own every inch of me. You are the owner of my thoughts, my heart, my cock. Everything I am is yours"- Matthew murmured and closed his eyes for a second, losing himself in the pleasure as he buried himself deeper into her.

Their bodies melted together, pressed against each other. Matthew's head was hidden on the crock of her neck, biting and kissing her. Marking her as his.

- "Is daddy good for you?"- he asked her, increasing his pace, rocking faster and deeper into her. He felt her walls clenching against his cock, as she nodded frenetically

- "Yes, so good."

- "I'm glad. You are a good girl for daddy too"- Matthew bit his lips and stared at her, coming undone underneath him. The sound their bodies made as they melted together was all the two of them could listen to. Matthew's breathing grew heavy, feeling his cock buried deep into (Y/N)'s core. His thrusts were becoming erratic as he continued to fasten his movements.

(Y/N)'s nails were nearly drawing blood. She was holding onto him as if her life depended on it.

- "I love you."- Matthew managed to whisper and kissed her. She moaned against his lips and tried to reply, but she couldn't. Her second orgasm took over her like an earthquake, rocking every part of her body.

Matthew couldn't hold himself anymore. He groaned, biting (Y/N)'s neck and crying out her name, spilling inside of her. He didn't stop kissing her neck and her lips until neither of them could move anymore.

- "I love you"- he repeated and looked at her, breathless- "Please, never doubt it again."

- "I won't"- she whispered and leaned in, kissing him again- "You are the only one for me."

- "You are the girl of my dreams, (Y/N)"- he hugged her tight, both of them rolling in bed until they were side by side.

- "What do you say we take a shower, ask for something to eat, and watch a movie together?"- he asked her, running his fingers through her hair. She nodded and smiled. -" Good, I wanna see you happy, Bunny. Every day."

- "You make me happy, honey. Everyday."

[arson-404]

Hello! @bubblyani inspired me to make this!

Truth | 01

Warnings: 18+, lime, blood, death, murder, suicide, depression

Fandom: Lucifer

Pronouns used for reader: she/her (reader is also AFAB)

Enjoy, loves. <3

"Please? It'll be so much fun!"

Your friend said, putting an emphasis on 'fun'.

You sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose. "Fine, but if either of us gets kidnapped at this club, it's not my fault."

"Oh my God, you're so dramatic."

"It's my talent. When are we going? I have work to do today." You asked, fumbling with a shirt that was on the floor of your bedroom.

"Does eleven o'clock work?"

You glanced over to the clock, reading the time.

7 PM.

You'd be done with work at around eight-thirty.

Thinking for a moment, you reluctantly agreed. "Okay. LUX, right?"

"Yay! Yeah, the owner's super hot. And so is one of the bartenders. Maya? Macie? Something with an 'a' and 'm'."

"Gosh, you thirst over everyone."

"You would, too, if you saw them! Which you will. Well, I don't know if the bartender will be there, but—"

You two talked a while, until you had to do your at-home work.

You liked working at home because you didn't really like going out to work for countless hours, but sometimes it was nice to let loose.

Like at this club you were going to go to, which you were kind of nervous about.

Your mind gave you flashbacks of one night when you just turned twenty-one and went to a club with your friends, Hørizon was the name.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

The sounds of booming music made it's way to your ears, your head pounding.

"Five shots of whiskey over here!"

"Um, I- I don't think I ca..." Too drunk, you couldn't even finish your sentence, as you wobbled a bit in your seat.

A minute later, a whiskey shot was in front of you — too drunk and tempted, you grabbed the small glass, gulping it down.

Delilah's friend, Tina, paid for the drinks.

The burning sensation in your throat didn't affect you much after the many shots you took before.

Your head turned to your best friend, Delilah, -which you had just met a few weeks ago at this time-, who was selecting the first contact in her phone to call, since she was a little too drunk to dial a number manually.

"Heeeeeyy, Fionaa, we're at a club." She slurred her words a bit, giggling. You could hear the faint voice from the phone.

"Oh my God, are you drunk?" Delilah only giggled in response, too drunk to make a coherent response. "Okay, I'm assuming you're at that one club you went to last week, right?" "Mmmhm!" "Are you with anyone else?" "Errr... like, my friends."

You could practically feel Delilah's friend pinch her nose. "How many?" "Uhhh... one... two... four..." She paused. "Fourth!" She said, giggling, adding a -th to the word she meant to say.

"Alright. You're lucky you're my... friend."

And then you blacked out, waking up at Delilah's apartment on the couch, others on the floor or sharing the couch with you.

You still remember that awful hangover you had afterwards.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

You chuckled at the memory, stretching a bit. After finishing an essay for your boss, revising and editing it, you glanced at the clock, checking the time.

8:51 PM.

It was definitely past 8:30, but you weren't going until eleven.

You had time to pick out your outfit, relax, and do some housework if you wanted to -which you didn't want to-.

Standing up, leaving the chair you'd been glued to for almost two hours, you sighed, making your way to the closet.

You rummaged through it, and after a little, you found an outfit you liked.

Humming, you put it on your bed, along with your extra wallet (which had less money than your normal wallet, so when you went to the club, you wouldn't lose a bunch of money from being robbed or losing it) and some water to put in Delilah's car to sober up after the club.

You checked your phone before putting it on your charger.

Footsteps padded against the floor as you made your way to the couch to watch some of your favorite show, 'The Good Doctor'.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

'Some' turned into almost three hours.

And now you had eleven minutes to get ready.

You rushed to the bathroom to do your makeup — not like anyone would see it, anyway. But you liked doing your makeup, not because you were insecure, but because you just liked trying new styles.

And you really liked eyeliner.

(Reference picture, I think it's Niki Nihachu, but I'm not sure.)

After you were done, you shoved the makeup into your container in the bathroom, hastily going to your room, fumbling with the clothing to put it on.

After about five minutes, you succeeded, and grabbed your phone from the charger, opening your messaging app up.

You

Hey, you ready?

Seen at 10:57 PM.

Lilah 💖

yep. i'm already headed there.

Seen at 10:57 PM.

You

Don't text while driving.

Seen at 10:57 PM.

And don't respond to this.

Seen at 10:58 PM.

You turned off your phone, putting it in your pocket, grabbing your stuff, your wallet shoved in your other pocket, two bottles of water in the other hand.

A few minutes later, your door opened to reveal your friend in a clubbing outfit, her curly black hair mostly laying on her right shoulder.

She had a see-through black top with another top under it, the same color.

Delilah had a black bag, the actual bag part laying on her right hip, the strap on her left shoulder.

She had a black skirt-shorts with a red and black plaid flannel tied around her waist.

The beautiful woman also had long, black, high heeled boots, going up to under her knees, but short enough to walk.

Her tattoos were slightly visible on the lower thighs.

(What I based her off of. Not sure who this is!)

"If I wasn't planning on making a move on that bartender — if she's there, I would try to date you, oh my God, you're gorgeous." Her lips formed a flirtatious, but platonic joke.

"Oh my gosh, you're definitely prettier, what the hell do you mean?" You smiled, winking.

"Alright, you've convinced me, I'm prettier." She said, shrugging her shoulders. You let out a playful pout, "Damn, I'm so broken."

"Whatever, you'll get over it. Let's go!" She smiled, tugging your arm, taking the water bottles and putting it in her bag so you could lock the door.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

Soon, you both arrived at the fancy, famous club called LUX.

Excitedly, your friend, Delilah, got in line with you, figuratively jumping up and down with joy.

"Oh my God, you'll love it here, Y/n. All of the men, women, and enbys are definitely gonna hit on you, bae."

"Assuming I'd be confident enough to let them approach me."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling.

You both got closer and closer to the doors of the provocative strip club, you both paid your halves when you finally approached the doors.

Stepping into the building, you both smiled. 'This time, I won't drink as much.' You promised yourself.

Oh, how promises break.

Immediately, Delilah went to the bar — partly for the drinks, but mostly because she saw a particular bartender.

Giggling at the absurdity of her actions, you went to a couch, not drunk enough to have confidence to talk to people or dance — not that most of them would remember, considering how many had drinks in their hands.

You fiddled with a silver ring you had bought about a month ago, which laid on your index finger.

"Why, hello! I've never seen you here before! I would remember a face like yours." A velvet voice was heard, oddly close to you.

'Wait, are they talking to me?'

You whipped your head up, mouth parted a little.

There stood a tall, dark haired man with dark eyes, a black suit with a slightly visible white shirt under it, black, shiny shoes on his feet.

You swallowed. "Hello..."

You should've gotten drunk beforehand.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

Hello, everyone! I have no clue how drinking or hangovers work, or strip clubs, since I'm 18, but I hope it's not too far off. 🖤

Sorry it took so long to get to Lucifer, it's more of an introduction to some characters in this chapter.

Also, Delilah is bisexual, and goes by she/they.

The reader is possibly bi-curious, it depends on your view of the reader. <33

Delilah may have a lil' crush on Maze and just thinks Lucifer is hot, haha