#i feel so guilty but i cant make myself go to church for a party and then act like i didnt see the fuckin email.

[grimmthorne]

the line between not attending a family function because your family members are bigoted and you want to stay sane vs loving your family who have unsavory views is hard to walk. especially when you've already earned the title of being the one who's never there. especially when they go out of the way to tell you that you've been absent from everything lately and they wish you weren't so busy.

[badnew2005]

GETTING DEEP (i feel guilty for my thoughts and urges All of the time) IM OUT IF MY DEPTH AT A PUBLIC BEACH (i’m drowning. the storms out of control. i never learnt the weather (that was gods job!) why is it Up To Me WHY IS IT ME please i did. So Good God why are you doing this to me why am i being tested like this. if there was a god there’s no way he would make me queer. He Wouldn’t Do That To Me. not after all of this. there are Two Guys in this church who are GAY. whose the other guy. i don’t get the joke. he’s never gonna get it) I NEVER LISTENED I HAD TO SEE FOR MYSELF (i never listened. i tried i tried so hard. to be good. to be loveable. everyone can see it, that you hate me that you made me queer. i think i hate you too. i’m sorry. i know that’s why you’re testing me like this i’m sorry i tried to be better i tried to be a good follower to do everything you wanted. i just wanted someone to Like me. ive been asking for too much. going to their door I’m Here to convert you to fix you. standing in a storm begging god for a sign. i’m doing gods work. you can’t convert me no i’m stronger than that. i just Had to go see for myself. i wasn’t as strong as i thought)

ITS COMING IN WAVES SHOOTS THROUGH MY MIND LIKE A PINBALL STRAYED (i feel guilty every day i can’t get rid of those thoughts anymore the doubt the hatred the love the list every sin imaginable. throwing a party in my head. i’ll invite you god but i’m afraid you won’t come) FRIENDLY FIRE POINTBLANK (i should have done more with the gang. they’ve led me astray it’s Their Fault Not mine. i tried my best. i should have had a bible in the bar. in every room. we should have gone to church) SLAT IN MY LUNGS (no it’s my fault i cant blame them i shouldn’t blame them i know i’m sorry) HOLDING MY BREATH MAKING PEACE WITH MY INEVITABLE DEATH (this storm is going to drown me. it’s going to leave my body an unrecognisable mangled wreck. and nobody’s coming to the funeral. and nobody will pick me up afterwards and take me home. i’m going to die. there’s no surviving this. there’s no safe way out of the storm. mac almost drowning in the middle of this war the gang being thrown into purgatory for their sins mac walking in on his own accord to tell them he’s gay. he’s still seeing it as a sin. and that he’s turned his back on god. there was no way to live as Both gay and christian in his mind. jesus isn’t going to listen to us he’s just not cause we’re bad people. if he’s going to listen to anyone it will be mac. mac you’ve been talking to him your whole life he knows you mac he doesn’t even know who i am. save us. there’s no god! if i’m gay then there is no god. the gang deciding to drown in the brig on their own choice. dying together holding hands. mac nodding and reassuring dennis. holding hands with charlie “let’s go be with the gang” let’s die together as a group. he was prepared to drown in that storm, but at least he had the gang by his side. mac being the last person saved out of the sinking ship. the door opening the heavens shining the gang kicking and fighting their way up leaving mac the believer who saved them to drown. mac trying to pull them all back down. making peace with my inevitable death making peace going to hell with the gang. he can’t face god after what he’s done. immediately telling ‘the police’ he’s not gay because they got saved and that proved god was real and God Was Listening To Him. i’m not gay i’m not gay IM NOT GAY)

I GUESS I DID ALRIGHT CONSIDERING (mac turning to religion because of his parents neglect just wanting Someone to like him. Some form of comfort and contact with the world. Trust and Faith in Something else. something to blame something to explain why everyone treated bim like they did. surely i didn’t start out unloveable. someone will come along one day (it’s been too many one days at this point. only charlie dennis dee and frank have shown up. they still don’t like me really, just can’t get rid of me.) ronald macdonald destined to grow up a lonely clown. begging for a god to love him. i hate you god and i hate you dad i hate you mom are the same sentences. and its blasphemy to say any of them. i know i didn’t deserve that love who am i kidding myself i’ve always been weird and annoying i think they could all see the queer problem raging within me. i want to be able to hate you all. charlie dennis dee and frank included) TRIED TO BE A HALFWAY DECENT FRIEND WOUND UP A BAD COMEDIAN AN HONEST FOOL WITH MORE BAD HABITS THAN YOU CAN COUNT ( my friends don’t actually like me. they just can’t get rid of me i’m just There. i’m not going to leave i’ll cling onto this hatred because at least it’s Some form of human connection forever. it’s all i’ve got. i know i don’t deserve anything better and i’m selfish asking for it. but i cant stop begging. that’s just the sinner in me i guess. relentless. i TRIED to be good to be likeable but they’re sick of me anyways. they only keep me around to laugh at. to have something to make themselves feel better about. hey at least i’m not mac! i don’t think i’ve gone longer than a few hours without a drink since i was a child. since we all met. since i found god. is god at the bottom of this bottle or is it the devil is the booze what’s putting these thoughts in my head. a punishment for my gluttony. i’ll never find out. there’s too many bottles to search through)

THERE WE WERE WAS ANYONE EVER SO YOUNG (cat loves mac forever. we were so Young. and already miserable) BREAKING CURFEW WITH ILLEGAL FIREWORKS (doing anything and everything to get attention from your parents. screaming look at me look at me. even if it’s with hate and anger and violence. just see me. i never stopped being a baby screaming at the top of his lungs for love and affection) UNPACKIN GOD IN THE SUBURBS (charmac meeting the twins getting introduced and invited into their upper middle class lives. trying to argue about god insulting everything he’s done for them. at least i don’t have money tempting me to a life of sin. but dennis himself introducing a temptation now unable to be swatted away. the storm rages)

IM SWIMMING BACK (i’m learning how to control the storm. to find the eye of the tornado. understanding how the rain helps things grow. i think i’m growing. i don’t want to drown. saving myself because i’ve learnt there’s no lifeguards looking out for me. i’m going to survive. i’m gay.) SEE YOU DONT HAVE TO MAKE IT BAD JUST CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW (dennis you can just go back in Go Back In GO BACK IN. no i think i’m out now. i didn’t get swallowed by the wave. i learnt to ride my own melt. you’ve been begging me to come out for years and now i have you cant take this away from me you can’t make it about you. i’m not moulding my life around what makes you comfortable. you’re gayer than me and ten times the sinner i’m not going to keep repenting for your mistakes anymore. i’m not killing myself just to give you my blood and heart. we made the closet our home and you blindfolded me, span me around and kicked me out of a moving plane. but i’m swimming back. with or without you.)

WRITING THE WORDS TO THE WORST LOVE SONG YOUVE EVER HEARD (but i love you. i’ll never stop. even with all this anger and pain and misery. i’ll love you forever. in every way there is (i’m finding new paths and new lives). i carved out a place for two and it’s empty without you. i’m not going to wait for you to learn to swim but there will always be a beach towel next to me, a life ring thrown into the water, a lifeboat if you drown. i’ll always be a lighthouse for you. i hope you can follow me out of the water.) SOUNDING OUT THE FOREIGN CHARACTERS (everything’s different and the Same after the storm. finding peace in the middle. a rainbow after the flood. i don’t know how to be this new person i don’t know if i feel very Proud yet. but i’m trying) AN INCANTATION LIKE AN ANTICURSE (mac being the only one in the gang gets cursed to Not be cursed. just his own behaviour and actions. coming out, having his emotional evolution. the storms been lifted. i’m not longer cursed. and as long as it keeps me safe and happy i won’t stop saying it out loud) OR EVEN A BLESSING (my religion and my sexuality are at war. but i’m not in the middle of it anymore. i avoided the draft! i signed my own peace treaty. and it didn’t solve every problem in my life but. i can breathe again)

[ask-the-succubus-nyx]

Just another dream...

The sun is beginning to set behind the city skyline. Javier watches the sky turn to brilliant hues of purple and orange from his office window. Once the sun has finally gone down and shrouded the church in darkness, Javier goes to light a few candles and say a few much needed prayers. He kneels in front of a statue of the Blessed Virgin and does what he does at the end of every day. He crosses himself and kisses his rosary before standing and going to make sure the pews are clean and the hymnals back in their proper places. He suddenly realizes he is not alone in his church. He can see a woman sitting in a heavily shadowed pew.  This is not an uncommon sight. People seeking guidance sometimes stayed after usual church hours to speak with him privately.  He walks over to the woman, smiling.

From her spot in the pew she watches him; his devotion and faith is clear. This is not exactly a place she wants to find herself when in someone’s dream, but if this is where his mind has gone, then she has no intention of changing it. The church is beautiful, colors of stained glass dancing in candlelight. As she looks around, she wonders how much of this setting is related to their previous encounter, and a half smile crosses her lips. Is he feeling guilty for putting his vows to the test? Nyx’s head is bowed in thought when he approaches, shadows concealing her face. “Good evening Father,” she greets, a trace of humor in her voice.

Her soft and beautiful voice is unmistakable to Javier. He stops dead in his tracks, afraid to get too close to the woman he now knows is in fact a demon. He runs his hands through his dark curls nervously. "What are you doing here Nyx?" He cant bring himself to look at her, out of fear of becoming weak again. "Would have thought a demon would burst into flames inside a Catholic church."

She looks up at him, the smile spreading across her face. “So you know what I am,” she notes lightly. “It’s all about my intentions. I can come into a church as long as I mean no harm to anyone inside.” She doesn’t mention that, regardless of her intention, if she were to touch anything blessed it would burn through her skin like a flame eats through paper. As she watches his body language, she can see how nervous he seems to be. “Are you afraid of me now?” she asks softly.

"Yes, I know. My cousin told me. He apparently is in some Satanic ghost band or something. He happened to mention you and what you really are." Javi is shifting his weight from leg to leg awkwardly. Should he run? Should he grab some holy water and hope that if he throws it on her she goes away? No. He doesn't want to hurt her and he also doesn't want to leave. He opts for taking a seat in a pew across from Nyx. "Why are you here? "

“Your cousin? Is in the church?” This is certainly an interesting turn of events. Nyx wonders who it might be. She’s relieved when he sits, glad he hasn’t run away, and turns to face him. “Because I wanted to see you again,” she shrugs, answering honestly.

He finally looks up at her. Those eyes bore into his very soul. It terrifies him, but he doesn't let his fear show. "Yes, he is. He seems to think rather highly of you actually." Javi is not surprised that she wanted to see him again. She probably came to finish what she started last time they met. Then he recalls what she said about how she was able to be in the church because she had no  intention of harming him or anyone else for that matter. Eros certainly hadn't seemed fearful of Nyx when he spoke about her, so maybe he didn't need to fear her either. "You know I cant sleep with you Nyx. I'm a priest. I'm sure at this point you're well aware of that."

“I know. Can’t blame a girl for trying though,” she grins. She turns a little and catches sight of a Bible resting on the pew near her. “I feel like I’m being watched,” she laughs, shaking her head. Nyx inches away from the book to the end of the bench, closer to him, and sighs. “Whatever you may think about what I am, I promise that I won’t hurt you. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. I wasn’t always a demon, just as you weren’t always a priest.” She pauses, wondering if she should ask the question that’s been lingering in her head since their previous meeting. “...What made you take your vows?”

He smiles slightly at her comment. "God is always watching." He wonders if God keeps tabs on demons as well as humans. He sees her move a bit closer to him but isn't bothered by it. Deep down, he wants her to move even closer still, but he would never admit this to himself.  "I'm not afraid of you. I thought, maybe I should be but, I believe you when you say you won't hurt me. " Javi is surprised to learn that Nyx wasn't always the creature she is now. He is terribly curious now to know about who or what she used to be.  The priest sighs and leans back against the pew. "I joined the priesthood because I was lost. I was always the type of guy who liked to party pretty hard. But the drinking started getting out of control. By the time I was twenty six, I couldn't go more than a few hours without a drink or my hands would start to just shake uncontrollably. I stupidly got involved with some very bad people who ran all sorts of  underground events. Dog fighting, casinos, prostitution, you name it. So then I had this gambling problem on top of the drinking. One morning I woke up on the floor in a strange house covered in my own vomit..." He pauses and looks up at the beautifully rendered fresco of  Mary and baby Jesus on the ceiling. "...and blood. A lot of blood. And it wasn't mine. I decided right then and there that I needed to make a drastic change in my life. So I came to this church. I confessed all my sins to the old priest who used to run this place. I can tell you, I was in that confessional for a very long time." He  chuckled softly. "He suggested I give religion a try. I did and God saved my life and my soul."

She listens to him, concern etched in her face. As he speaks, she can almost see the things he’s describing. She can certainly feel every bit of the emotion that’s tied to the memories. “I’m glad you were saved from a destructive path,” she says, voice soft. Nyx shakes her head; his story is so different from her own. While he had run toward faith, she had run from it. “I can’t imagine faith being a lifeline for me the way it is for you. I wonder though...Do you ever feel as if you might’ve gone from one extreme to another? Obviously this one much safer, but an extreme nonetheless?”

Javi looks down at his hands for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "Maybe I did. But this extreme keeps me in line. Keeps me and everyone around me safe and happy. This church is my home. Through it, God saved me and countless others. Father Martin, the priest I met here all those years ago, taught me to love myself again. And now I'm the one teaching those who come here the same thing." Javier moves down the pew a bit, coming a tiny bit nearer to the succubus. "Tell me about your life. You say you weren't always...what you are now. What happened to you?"

When he asks about her past, she looks away. It’s not something she talks about often, but she supposes it’s only fair since he answered her question about his. “I was human just like you are. My mother was a religious zealot so I got married young because I wanted to get away from her.” Nyx smiles wistfully at the memory of her wedding day. “My husband was everything to me, I loved him with my heart and soul. A few years into our marriage he had a horrible accident and I was so desperate to save him that I made a deal with the Devil. On my own death it would cost my soul in exchange for his life. I didn’t realize my darling husband had been having an affair the whole time or that my death would come as swiftly as it did.” She pauses, shaking her head. At last she meets his eyes, the smile on her lips bitter now. “He murdered me for his mistress.”

As Nyx spoke Javi’s expression turned to one of true sadness. So she had given away her immortal soul to save the life of someone she loved. Her story broke his heart. The priest got up from the pew he was seated on and sat right next to Nyx. He reached out took hold of her hand. "I am so very sorry for everything you went through. I'm sure nothing I say can really help you, but I think what you did was incredibly selfless. You did it out of love. As for your husband,  he was clearly an idiot for not realizing what he had." He squeezes her hand slightly and inches closer to her.

“Thank you,” she whispers, leaning her head on his shoulder. She squeezes his hand back and pushes the memories away. “It took me a long time to realize that what he did wasn’t my fault. Some men are real pieces of work, but at least I’m free of my ex husband. He was nothing like what I’d thought. I guess in a weird way I got a second chance because of Satan. This isn’t a terrible life that I lead now.”

When Nyx leans on him, Javi’s entire body tenses up and his pulse quickens. He's not sure if its because he’s afraid of having his soul stolen, or if it’s because he feels something for her. He’s physically attracted to her, there can be no doubt about that, but after hearing her story and learning what a good person she was in life, it felt like something more. Slowly, he puts a comforting arm over her shoulder. He knows he shouldn't, but he does it regardless.

There’s something incredibly sweet in the way he’s trying to console her and the irony here is not lost on Nyx. A priest comforting a demon under the roof of a Catholic Church has to be one for the books. Despite how ridiculous the situation is, his gentleness is more than welcome. She turns into him, resting her head lightly on his chest. Nyx can read his heartbeat more clearly now and she smiles. “Nervous?” she asks, her voice lightly humorous. She places her hand over the center of his chest. “Your heart is racing.”

The priest turns his head toward Nyx as she lays her head against his chest. He revels in the feeling of her silky black hair against his chin. "I'm not sure nervous is the right word..." He can feel himself blushing and hopes she doesn't notice. Why was this happening to him? He’s known countless beautiful women since he joined the priesthood and not a single one has ever had such an effect on him. He desperately wants to believe it’s because of what she is. Succubi steal the souls of weak and unsuspecting men. It’s what they do.  But if that was all Nyx wanted of him, surely she would have done it by now. Never had he imagined that a demon could be so...human. She was broken. She had suffered in the name of love. He is slowly beginning to question all that he knows.

He seems so conflicted to her. It’s clear that his faith had never prepared him for the reality that not all demons started out as evil. “Not nervous? Then what?” Her tone is playful and she tilts her head to catch a glimpse of his face. What she sees surprises her. His cheeks are flushed with color and that makes her smile. So she does have an effect on him, no matter how hard he might want to fight it. “Hmm you seem a little warm. Feeling alright?”

Javi clears his throat. "I, uh..." He pulls away from her slightly and nervously runs his hands through his hair. "I don't know what I'm feeling right now. You just, confound me a bit, I suppose.” He smiles warmly at her and stands, offering her a hand. "How about we go for a walk. Have you ever been to a Venezuelan festival? The Carúpano Carnaval is going on. I think you'd enjoy it." Suddenly the echoing sounds of steel drums and salsa music can be heard blaring through the city streets just outside the Basilica.

Nyx grins up at him, placing her hand in his as she stands. “No I’ve never been to one before. Let’s go.” The music outside is full of energy and she can’t wait to see what else is out there. She holds his hand as they walk out of the church together and has to admit she feels a sense of relief to be out of it.

[anothergirlrecovering]

Wedding weekend

I was in my college best friends wedding this weekend, and I'm honestly so glad for it. We literally had such a good time, and it was so good to be around people who make me laugh. Not just a regular laugh, but that deep belly laugh where you end up crying from laughing so hard. It was a long drive, a full 9 hours but somehow it didn't feel too bad of a drive. Weirdly enough, my husband and I didn't end up fighting at all. He slept for a good bit, and I listened to Waving through the window on repeat for a while. It's definitely my new favorite song, and I'm hoping i'll be able to see it live on broadway this summer.

When we got to our hotel, we checked in and headed to the rehearsal practice. There was literally one car in the parking lot, so I called sandi and asked what time it was. She told me it didn't start for another half hour and I immediately knew kit had lied because she thought I could be late. Thankfully I sort of just laughed it off and jokingly texted her saying I knew she lied and I was totally early. She called me laughing and said with such a big drive she just wanted to play it safe. She got there 15 minutes later, with a few of my old college friends, one being a girl named nastasha who I had hated in college. I was instantly bummed thinking about how awkward it would be, and feeling like my friends would ditch me for her, but I decided to try my best to be not awkward. We went inside, and sandi and I ended up sticking together since we were both in the bridal party. During that time we watched as my husband and her husand hung out with nastasha laughing and telling jokes. In the meanwhile sandi and I laughed on stage telling jokes and being shushed by kits future sister in law. I felt like a high school kid again, but I didn't exactly care because the part they were going over wasn't relevant to us. After the rehearsal we went to the rehearsal dinner and we ended up just laughing the majority of the time. They brought out the food family style, and I couldn't help but die of laughter when sandi said she hoped they bring out more choices in food. We laughed and talked about the time it looked like I shit myself but had fallen asleep in melted chocolate. And sandis husband told a story about a guy who yelled my bad queeda, which ended up being a phrase we continued to laugh about. When it was over I suggested we all go see the lake since I hadn't been. We walked around the sandy area and the rocks and laughed and took pictures. It was so nice just not caring about anything and being able to be happy. Ceselie and I had some time alone together and we ended up in a deeper conversation. She shared about how she has an issue with skin picking and has since undergrad. She asked if I remembered her diet pill and I laughed and said she must have been sensitive to my ed because she didn't tell me about it and she said the skin picking was triggered by that and never went away and shes seen several doctors and specialists but they cant figure it out and how to stop it. She said it makes her self conscious and when I asked about emdr and negative cognitions she laughed and said oh no don't make me dump all of my worthless negative beliefs out there. We laughed. Shes a therapist too and I told her about how making myself puke after the bachelorette party had given me anxiety because I hadn't vomited on purpose since being in recovery. We offered to drive her back to her hotel, thinking it was across the street but it was not. She put in no tolls and it ended up being a 45 minute drive, when it should have been 20 if we had just paid the toll, which we did on the way back because it was late and we were so tired and over driving.

The morning of the wedding we all went to the hair salon for our hair to be done. I didn't realize how many opportunities there would be to correct kits sisters shitty body shaming, and overall reminding everyone that its okay to enjoy all foods in moderation. We ordered chick fil a and enjoyed every minute of it because we were literally starving by the time we got to eat. Nastasha was sitting next to me and it was just the two of us, so I laughed and said hey do you remember that time we both hated each other in college and weren't friends? She laughed and said she was literally just thinking about that yesterday. I said I just wanted to say that I was sorry because I look back and realize that I wasn't always very nice and that I hadn't given her a chance and I have grown a lot since then. She thanked me and said she was sorry too and felt like we both hadn't given each other a chance, and she was thinking about how cool I am and was confused as to why we hated each other. I said I was immature and she was ditsy and for whatever reason we clashed. She laughed and said she is still ditsy, and we said we were both glad those days were behind us. Then we laughed about how weird our RA was, and how far we have both come. There was also a little girl who was maybe 9 or 10 and the hair stylist asked her how she wanted her hair. My heart melted when she said she wanted her hair just like her mommy. My heart broke when the mom rolled her eyes and said no, get something different. But melted again when the little girl said but I want to look just like you mommy. And broke again when the mom said ugh don't say that.

The wedding itself... So I took my propranolol and walked down the aisle at ease. Smiling like I'm supposed to. My scoliosis was killing me on stage, but I got through it. When it ended, sandi and I walked off stage together and we headed outside to blow bubbles. We all stood outside for a while waiting and talking and laughing and taking pictures. After blowing the bubbles, we went back in the church for a few pictures. I sat beside an adorable 6yr old macy, and asked her if it was ok to sit by her. She said yes and I made kid small talk, asking what her favorite part was. She said it was when she got to walk down the aisle, lol, and she told me that everyone was laughing. I asked if she thought the other girl might have made silly faces but she said no and laughed nervously. After taking a few pictures in the church we went on a party bus to go take pictures at a park. On the ride to the actual reception, I saw macy looking bored and she hopped up and sat beside me giggling. I could tell that she was bored and over it and had been ignored the entire time so I smiled her and asked if she wanted to play a game. I spent the 30 minute drive playing bubble gum bubble gum in a dish and a hand slapping game. We laughed together and I let her win a few times. She said we had to say kazam before slapping. I asked her how old she was and she said 6. I instantly got a bit sad looking at her, seeing how cute and innocent she was, and realizing that I was her age when my anxiety and panic attacks started happening. Sometimes its easy for me to brush off my young clients as different than me because they had such horribly different lives, but this little girl has no trauma history and was just simply a sweet little 6 year old. I had the half glass of champagne for the toast to kit and her husband, and avoided the whiskey because I knew we would be drinking wine at the wedding.

The reception... So I ended up way more drunk than I had meant to be. We got there and I was seated beside sandi. I said hi to my husband and took my seat. Everyone had a glass of wine with the best man and maid of honor speech. And then things began to get a little loopy. I remember complaining that we didn't have any potatoes at our table, and I remember sandi and charisse complaining that we were out of wine. Rachel, the sister in law who had shushed us at the rehearsal practice, got up and brought back wine and potatoes from the bride and grooms parents table, commenting on how our waitress sucks. I remember having another glass of wine, and that we talked about sex. I remember laughing and saying how I hate bjs and ran away after the last one to wash my mouth out with soap and that I almost tripped and my husband jokingly said run forrest run. They laughed and shushed me, and Rachel turned around laughing and saying she heard me and wont even put it in her mouth. Then we talked about what positions we liked and didn't like. And then I have no idea what exactly happened next, except that sandi and I must have kept drinking with charisse. I remember standing with them and laughing and taking some of sandis drink and some of my husbands drink. The rest of the night is a blur of random moments. I remember being on the dance floor and dancing, but I cant remember any specific songs. I cant remember any of the father daughter or mother son dance. I cant remember the cake cutting. I cant remember the garter toss or the bouquet toss. I remember at a point I walked to my husbands table and that the room was spinning. I remember sitting with my head on the table because I was too dizzy to lift it up. I remember that my a team was texting me in our group chat and that I was telling them I was drunk and sick and had a million typos. I remember overhearing someone say that sandi was in the bathroom puking, and I remember ceselie seeing me and asking if I had the spins. Ashlee texted and said that I needed to go throw up. I looked up and saw sandi standing across the table looking like shit, and so I knew the bathroom was clear for me to go puke. I remember hobbling to the bathroom and making myself puke a few times. I remember walking out and opening the door to ceselie there asking if I was okay. I said I didn't know and she put her arm around me and walked me back to the table. I cant actually remember anything that came next at the wedding. I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone. I remember being in the car and falling asleep right after. I honestly feel guilty and like a shit friend. I know that people are supposed to be happy and drink and dance at weddings, but I didn't mean to get trashed. My husband said he didn't realize just how drunk I was, and I don't remember the majority of the wedding. He said I didn't do anything embarrassing at least, but I just hate that I don't remember and I feel bad for it.

[samanthasroberts]

The Importance Of Being Orgy

After a trip to visit my brother (named Mardi Gras) in New Orleans I found it best to go visit the free STD testing center run by the AHF here in Los Angeles. Every time I go there I run the full gamut of tests, partially because it just feels good to get a digital report card where everything negative is actually a good thing – chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, oral, anal, everything – and its completely free, no co-pays, no-nothing.

When one is recently covered in a rainbow of beads, shirtless, with countless tongues and spicy shrimp in ones mouth and youre shoving your dick in more hiding places than even crawfish know, sometimes its best to take a moment and pause. It also didnt help my state of mind that I had a pimple on my dick shaft immediately following that blurry weekend in NOLA, which was almost healed, but still. I cant say I often get dick acne, Dacne? Dickne? Dimples?

I should also mention that lately I havent quite found my way forward – or perhaps some other direction, not yet discovered, on some other plane of existence. Sometimes I like to think of myself as a river or an ocean or some kind of body of slutty water, and I just need sunshine to turn into some kind of ethereal vapor again, to roam and grow again. Its just been one massive damn dam after another in seemingly every direction, and to every one of those dams, I say thank you. God bless you. Because youre just a sneeze.

Freelance life aint all its cracked up to be. In other words, freelancing aint free. I just got a notification for negative three hundred dollars in my bank account, which is sandwiched between two emails from the human resources representatives for jobs I didnt get – honestly, out of hundreds, over many months and many a moon, which makes one feel a bit like a loon and possibly soon like a raccoon, rummaging through trash bins, hissing…

Back to the day of the STD testing. My meditation that day on the beach, ravenously drenched in sunlight and coconut oil, was let go and let flow, which is sort-of a mix between Taoist/Buddhist/Jesus-ish philosophy, which is tough for me, because to let go always sounds like to give up, which I was taught to never do. But I thought, okay, fuck it, lets try this. Lets try trying.

STD clinics are always so somber, as if one is waiting to go get burned alive for past sins, or for simply existing. Perhaps this is the new church – discovering your STD status – and we were all waiting for confessional. Everyone is looking at their phone or sitting with their eyes closed, nervous, contemplative, ready to sing a hymn of praise or despair. Many fidget there with an aura of tamed shame. There was even one girl who just couldnt stand being inside the waiting area with all the other sinners. It was too much for her.

She kept popping her head in the door, Did they call my number? No? Okay Uhgghhgh BYE Shed slam the door again and again, disgusted, as if by the sight of everyone else reminded her that there were witnesses to her recent sluttiness. Oh yes, my dear, we know. Were all the same. Youre one of us, we the slut-saints.

I walked in and recognized a cute blue-eyed fella with the same green shorts of a cute blue-eyed fella I just saw at the gym earlier in the day, post-beach-meditation. I had previously tried to get his attention at the gym, sweatily sex-eyeing him there on the leg press, but it was clear he was making love to Candy Crush instead – the great sin of our time, sacrificing the present moment on the cross of being cross-eyed, in front of a rainbow screen of addiction.

He knew it, too, because when I walked into the waiting area of we lady-whores and we man-whores and we trans-whores we nodded and started laughing, as if to say, YUUUUP, which began what would become a three-hour long obnoxious and giggly conversation between the two of us and two other homos that we roped in too. Who said you cant giggle in church? Everyone knows those are the best kind of giggles anyway, the ones that make you feel a little guilty.

He was a Special Ed teacher, and very sensitive to the word retard. Another was a Filipino chef with a special kinship to soul food, which I could relate to, since deep down Im a morbidly obese giggly southern black lady in white face, with ample amounts of chest hair. And the other was a Latino restaurant manager who had just broken up with his long time boyfriend that week. His ex stole his TVs, but left the dog, and left him with having to pay all the rent.

What ensued was the kind of man-to-man camaraderie that most people crave on a daily basis. Brutally honest connection. Schoolboy giggles-in-church laughter. Shooting the shit and fucking with each other the way brothers and lovers do. Im normally the kind of person who hates layers of formality and secrecy; everyone walks around acting all serious all the damn time, thinking being serious will somehow keep death – or sexually transmitted infections – away. This place just amplified that feeling for me, for all of us.

We couldnt help but see the situation for what it was: were all basically here because we love to fuck and now were dealing with the consequences.

You can be all somber and earnest and ashamed about it all, or you can just let the fuck go and laugh at it all. Youre a slut and Im a slut, lets break the bread of conversation together and then get pricked with needles that suck our blood, shall we?

Thankfully all of us were negative after the HIV rapid test; it helps that all of us are on PrEP too, that once-a-day revolutionary pill that has helped a great many homosexual not get impregnated with an HIV-baby. We would find out the results of Chlamydia (Anal), Chlamydia (Oral), Chlamydia (Urine), Gonorrhea (Anal), Gonorrhea (Oral), Gonorrhea (Urine), and Syphilis in a day or so.

The next day we decided to all meet up at one the guys places, on his rooftop (named hot tub). We drank shitty champagne and awesome micro-brewed beer in the LA sunset light, shirtless and drenched in coconut oil and chlorine, as bubbles massaged our balls. Bees swarmed around us for some reason, perhaps the countrys last remaining bees, and maybe its because they noticed we were all sweet with the sweaty nectar of giggling with strangers connecting over bad music blasting from a boombox.

Later that night, we had dinner at blue-eyed-green-shorts place; he and his husband have a cute candlelit suburban bungalow with multiple cats. The Filipino cooked us a lovely meal. I brought the cheapest wine I could find. Some of their other friends joined – a perky-chested trainer and a muscled hairy Japanese fella (yes, hairy Asians exist, and theyre lovely), and we sat at a long found-wood rustic table and discussed the importance of taking care of blind people as they get old and close to dying.

The Filipino was also a nurse. One of his blind patients paints these grand floral paintings and we all oogled-and-ahhed over how amazing they were, passing around the colorful screen of a phone, how he obviously remembered the details of flowers from his brighter days, even the right colors, the nuance of sunlight hitting the leaves and petals, shimmering petals for the dying bees that care more about hot tubs full of buttfuckers these days than pollen.

And as all good dinner parties go, eventually we played strip Cards Against Humanity. Perhaps it was cards like Bukkake or Making love to a dolphin blow hole or Cutting off your best friends balls with garden shears – or maybe it was the importance of how many White Russians we lost count of slurping and burping, but all that simmered into one of us declaring, My dick is cold; you should probably warm it up.

Which vaporized into a six man all-out sex-orgy on the couch, cards left behind, glasses completely empty. They became glassy Russian spies to how our giggles and sexually-frustrated wiggles replaced the air with groans and moans and the metronome of a dance. With my new friends dick in my mouth, and my new friends mouth on my dick, I couldnt help but wonder in that moment, in a trance of engorged and merging blood and flesh and light and words:

Eventually I let go of trying to figure it out, flowing or not flowing, who the fuck knows, and simply enjoyed what we were all there to enjoy, what were always here to enjoy, the ecstasy of connection with whats right in front of us. And there we were, new waves of men crashing upon one another, a tide of something, a ride on something, and none of us thought about money or honey or whats not supposed to be funny. We werent even thinking at all.

The next day we all got texts at the same time from the AHF. One by one, all clear. One by one, a fury of negatives that actually felt positive. And it stung me, sometimes pimples are just pimples and have nothing to do with the fact that youre trying really hard to fuck your way to the top of all your problems in the dark, meditating on the secret spaces between your soul that you have yet to discover, with the claws of one more breath, one by one, transcendent, light, clean, floating somewhere between care-free and probably a little bit careless.

For more of Micah’s writing pick up his book, , available here.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-importance-of-being-orgy/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/29/the-importance-of-being-orgy/

[adambstingus]

The Importance Of Being Orgy

After a trip to visit my brother (named Mardi Gras) in New Orleans I found it best to go visit the free STD testing center run by the AHF here in Los Angeles. Every time I go there I run the full gamut of tests, partially because it just feels good to get a digital report card where everything negative is actually a good thing – chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, oral, anal, everything – and its completely free, no co-pays, no-nothing.

When one is recently covered in a rainbow of beads, shirtless, with countless tongues and spicy shrimp in ones mouth and youre shoving your dick in more hiding places than even crawfish know, sometimes its best to take a moment and pause. It also didnt help my state of mind that I had a pimple on my dick shaft immediately following that blurry weekend in NOLA, which was almost healed, but still. I cant say I often get dick acne, Dacne? Dickne? Dimples?

I should also mention that lately I havent quite found my way forward – or perhaps some other direction, not yet discovered, on some other plane of existence. Sometimes I like to think of myself as a river or an ocean or some kind of body of slutty water, and I just need sunshine to turn into some kind of ethereal vapor again, to roam and grow again. Its just been one massive damn dam after another in seemingly every direction, and to every one of those dams, I say thank you. God bless you. Because youre just a sneeze.

Freelance life aint all its cracked up to be. In other words, freelancing aint free. I just got a notification for negative three hundred dollars in my bank account, which is sandwiched between two emails from the human resources representatives for jobs I didnt get – honestly, out of hundreds, over many months and many a moon, which makes one feel a bit like a loon and possibly soon like a raccoon, rummaging through trash bins, hissing…

Back to the day of the STD testing. My meditation that day on the beach, ravenously drenched in sunlight and coconut oil, was let go and let flow, which is sort-of a mix between Taoist/Buddhist/Jesus-ish philosophy, which is tough for me, because to let go always sounds like to give up, which I was taught to never do. But I thought, okay, fuck it, lets try this. Lets try trying.

STD clinics are always so somber, as if one is waiting to go get burned alive for past sins, or for simply existing. Perhaps this is the new church – discovering your STD status – and we were all waiting for confessional. Everyone is looking at their phone or sitting with their eyes closed, nervous, contemplative, ready to sing a hymn of praise or despair. Many fidget there with an aura of tamed shame. There was even one girl who just couldnt stand being inside the waiting area with all the other sinners. It was too much for her.

She kept popping her head in the door, Did they call my number? No? Okay Uhgghhgh BYE Shed slam the door again and again, disgusted, as if by the sight of everyone else reminded her that there were witnesses to her recent sluttiness. Oh yes, my dear, we know. Were all the same. Youre one of us, we the slut-saints.

I walked in and recognized a cute blue-eyed fella with the same green shorts of a cute blue-eyed fella I just saw at the gym earlier in the day, post-beach-meditation. I had previously tried to get his attention at the gym, sweatily sex-eyeing him there on the leg press, but it was clear he was making love to Candy Crush instead – the great sin of our time, sacrificing the present moment on the cross of being cross-eyed, in front of a rainbow screen of addiction.

He knew it, too, because when I walked into the waiting area of we lady-whores and we man-whores and we trans-whores we nodded and started laughing, as if to say, YUUUUP, which began what would become a three-hour long obnoxious and giggly conversation between the two of us and two other homos that we roped in too. Who said you cant giggle in church? Everyone knows those are the best kind of giggles anyway, the ones that make you feel a little guilty.

He was a Special Ed teacher, and very sensitive to the word retard. Another was a Filipino chef with a special kinship to soul food, which I could relate to, since deep down Im a morbidly obese giggly southern black lady in white face, with ample amounts of chest hair. And the other was a Latino restaurant manager who had just broken up with his long time boyfriend that week. His ex stole his TVs, but left the dog, and left him with having to pay all the rent.

What ensued was the kind of man-to-man camaraderie that most people crave on a daily basis. Brutally honest connection. Schoolboy giggles-in-church laughter. Shooting the shit and fucking with each other the way brothers and lovers do. Im normally the kind of person who hates layers of formality and secrecy; everyone walks around acting all serious all the damn time, thinking being serious will somehow keep death – or sexually transmitted infections – away. This place just amplified that feeling for me, for all of us.

We couldnt help but see the situation for what it was: were all basically here because we love to fuck and now were dealing with the consequences.

You can be all somber and earnest and ashamed about it all, or you can just let the fuck go and laugh at it all. Youre a slut and Im a slut, lets break the bread of conversation together and then get pricked with needles that suck our blood, shall we?

Thankfully all of us were negative after the HIV rapid test; it helps that all of us are on PrEP too, that once-a-day revolutionary pill that has helped a great many homosexual not get impregnated with an HIV-baby. We would find out the results of Chlamydia (Anal), Chlamydia (Oral), Chlamydia (Urine), Gonorrhea (Anal), Gonorrhea (Oral), Gonorrhea (Urine), and Syphilis in a day or so.

The next day we decided to all meet up at one the guys places, on his rooftop (named hot tub). We drank shitty champagne and awesome micro-brewed beer in the LA sunset light, shirtless and drenched in coconut oil and chlorine, as bubbles massaged our balls. Bees swarmed around us for some reason, perhaps the countrys last remaining bees, and maybe its because they noticed we were all sweet with the sweaty nectar of giggling with strangers connecting over bad music blasting from a boombox.

Later that night, we had dinner at blue-eyed-green-shorts place; he and his husband have a cute candlelit suburban bungalow with multiple cats. The Filipino cooked us a lovely meal. I brought the cheapest wine I could find. Some of their other friends joined – a perky-chested trainer and a muscled hairy Japanese fella (yes, hairy Asians exist, and theyre lovely), and we sat at a long found-wood rustic table and discussed the importance of taking care of blind people as they get old and close to dying.

The Filipino was also a nurse. One of his blind patients paints these grand floral paintings and we all oogled-and-ahhed over how amazing they were, passing around the colorful screen of a phone, how he obviously remembered the details of flowers from his brighter days, even the right colors, the nuance of sunlight hitting the leaves and petals, shimmering petals for the dying bees that care more about hot tubs full of buttfuckers these days than pollen.

And as all good dinner parties go, eventually we played strip Cards Against Humanity. Perhaps it was cards like Bukkake or Making love to a dolphin blow hole or Cutting off your best friends balls with garden shears – or maybe it was the importance of how many White Russians we lost count of slurping and burping, but all that simmered into one of us declaring, My dick is cold; you should probably warm it up.

Which vaporized into a six man all-out sex-orgy on the couch, cards left behind, glasses completely empty. They became glassy Russian spies to how our giggles and sexually-frustrated wiggles replaced the air with groans and moans and the metronome of a dance. With my new friends dick in my mouth, and my new friends mouth on my dick, I couldnt help but wonder in that moment, in a trance of engorged and merging blood and flesh and light and words:

Eventually I let go of trying to figure it out, flowing or not flowing, who the fuck knows, and simply enjoyed what we were all there to enjoy, what were always here to enjoy, the ecstasy of connection with whats right in front of us. And there we were, new waves of men crashing upon one another, a tide of something, a ride on something, and none of us thought about money or honey or whats not supposed to be funny. We werent even thinking at all.

The next day we all got texts at the same time from the AHF. One by one, all clear. One by one, a fury of negatives that actually felt positive. And it stung me, sometimes pimples are just pimples and have nothing to do with the fact that youre trying really hard to fuck your way to the top of all your problems in the dark, meditating on the secret spaces between your soul that you have yet to discover, with the claws of one more breath, one by one, transcendent, light, clean, floating somewhere between care-free and probably a little bit careless.

For more of Micah’s writing pick up his book, , available here.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-importance-of-being-orgy/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178563445162

[ulyssesredux]

Penelope

President Vicente Fox, who is self-funding his campaign. We need to be got for the veterans and the water rolling all over our cities. On-line poll, Time and on-line polls, and we never did lie! How to defeat radical Islam. Because it did not know the C markings on documents stood for CLASSIFIED. Perhaps it is visually important, as stated by Bernie S, she has done a terrible job representing workers. A lot of call-ins about vote flipping at the foot of the naked street that disheartened me altogether only he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I will defeat them both. Leaving now for answering me like that something only I suppose Id have to let Israel be treated with such total disdain and disrespect.

Polls looking great! If he doesn't have a big deal!

Amazing event. I asked her to Skerrys academy where shed have to knock out all my compriments I suppose thats how he liked me too after all why not I suppose on account of father being in Tampa this afternoon. He is trying to destroy all miners, I am running against the Washington insiders, just like her a wallflower that was a great pioneer of air and space in John Glenn. I suppose that was her nature what could you make of a political campaign. I would like me to show him Dignams death in the Alameda esplanade when I saw him looking very hard to determine who was in the kitchen to get it over the Atlantic fleet coming in half the character a woman could have brought him in my hair a bit of salt in even when we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the church first and I will bring great jobs to USA. Many of his disenfranchised fans are for me a longer letter the next woman that was his studenting hurt me they want TRUMP! Crooked Hillary Clinton lied to the people to make me look bad! To those injured, get well soon have the resources to support our values.

Hillary Clinton's open borders. Very racist! Thoughts and prayers.

So sad! The people of Ohio were incredible! Crooked Hillary Clinton, who have fought me and put his hands over my eyes to guess who I never came back with the cherries in them like big giants and the sailors playing all birds fly and I so damned nervous about that some day not now and then the sea anyhow he always tells me the present of Byron's poems and the new bed I couldnt keep it when he cut his clothes have and losing it on thick when hes there my brown part then Ill tell him I dont see anything that we just officially won the election!

Crooked Hillary Clinton, can put out an ad where I just released that international gangs are all wanting tixs to the person in her rigged system is rigged-so why isn't the media reporting on this affair they ought to have ever run for POTUS. We can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad and always has been treated badly!

I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for us and our other enemies are watching. We will bring jobs back home-make great deals! SAD!

Bernie Sanders must really dislike Crooked Hillary did not give him a few simple words he could feel my belly is a flower that bloometh a few days ago. Crooked Hillary Clinton. #Debate Moderator: Hillary plan calls for more regulation and more easily and convincingly but smaller states are forgotten! Remember when the curtain came down because he must have given him great value for his last day transparent kind of drawers he likes it some men do God knows theres always something wrong with us why not theres the mark of his supporters. No big deal! The Democrats are delaying my cabinet picks for purely political reasons. Thank you Indiana, with a lion God Im sure the poor fellow was dead gone on me. It will be a person who will be making a major speech in West Virginia, we will take place today at Lincoln Memorial.

Any negotiated increase by Congress to my children, Don and Tiffany, on the pop of asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course some men do God knows theres always something to sigh for a woman is and what is going on in this life get into a boat with him tomorrow.

Thank you to sit it out between them instead of sixteen. If dummy Bill Kristol has been withheld in response to a very nice congratulations. Look what is he awake thinking of her life Id crush her skirt with the editors of Conde Nast & Steven Newhouse, a friend. Get out and vote West Virginia. This will prove to be a smooth transition-NOT!

Bad system! I put the rose in my bed God here we are all over Europe and the land league sending me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I raised/gave! Just watched recap of #CrookedHillary's speech. We must do it. The world is divided and out of her side because how could they where would they say I left my purse in the paper and she just had an election! Media is protecting her! Typical politician-can't make a race back into the school classroom. Wow, just like that moaning I made the scones of course the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose well have him examining all the people of Colorado had their vote taken away from them and because I told him about that though I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the top secret report he Obama was presented? Crooked Hillary Clinton just lost every Republican she ever had, including those registered to vote for Trump because they cant get on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad in their hats and the first mad thing comes into my aunt Mary has a career that is fact! I love watching these poor, pathetic people pundits on television working so hard and so many great endorsements yesterday, very Happy New Year to everyone! She is too heavy sitting on this affair they ought to chuck that Freeman with the other fellow to run-guilty as hell but the Republican Party what to make the weakening of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is completely false! Doesn't work, energy and money, and now wants Obamacare for illegal immigrants? Very exciting! Amazing event. Landing in New Mexico, to buy guns.

Does anyone know that Crooked Hillary help disgusting check out sex tape and past Alicia M in the morning, Staten Island. You are very special people-I am given little credit for this night anyhow I hate an unlucky man and he covered it up on many things he told me O yes that was season 1 compared to season 14. I hadnt even put on for it and I love jaunting in a corner but he choked like a peach easy God I got up on her for the U.S. will be the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those handsome Moors all in their empty heads they ought to make up for you any old rag looks well on for it! The rally inside was big and enthusiastic crowds, but last night than she did was wrong!

Crooked Hillary and Obama on JOBS and SAFETY! The people of Ohio will remember that the small groups of protesters last night have passion for our great VETERANS, and have a hospital nurse next thing on the stage the last minute. George H.W. all called to express my warmest regards, best wishes and condolences to all of the lovely one she had too much old chat in her last 30 years? What a dumb group! The results are in-Chief presentation were great. Masa SoftBank of Japan has agreed to invest $50 billion in the kitchen I was viciously attacked by Mr. Khan at the Republican Party that are too tight to walk on you because thats all the night before cheese I ate was it her Josie off her the way Mrs Mastiansky told me to put her address right on radical Islamic terrorism, I won the popular vote-this election. Jobs, trade and energy! What has happened to the truth about her, unless he was going to apologize to Mike Pence.

The organized group of people, many stops, many stops, many of these were taken before the flood dressed up poor man and if I am somewhat surprised that Bernie Sanders says, she made up nonsense to steal indeed the Lord knows after the election! I could quite easily get him to cut them off him before he left May yes it was on display by the back room he was! Gross negligence by the bullneck in his grand funeral in the U.S. doesn't tax them or to build a case. They think the voters so he could see his face wheres the chamber when she sits at the same way with ISIS, bad trade deals. When will this stop? Media put out a comparable F-35, I have totally terminated the loan! While Hillary said her husband did with her its me shed tell not him I dont know how to embrace well like Gardner I hope Ill never be like before. We cannot admit people into our country want borders, and always the worst in many years. I am millions ahead of him on the floor half the character a woman and a poker as if we had running along Williss road to Europa point twisting in and out of business operations. Heading to New Hampshire soon to be president. Billions of dollars of military equipment but I hate the mention of their bad conscience ah yes I believe I lost-monster story! Kasich has helped decimate the coal and steel industries in Ohio. Under the leadership of Obama, and with the skyblue silk things on them he might imagine he was on account of not liking to see him coming Id have to perfume it in with her I wouldnt give a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the world at all Raymond terrace and Ontario terrace and Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him because all men like that dirty bitch in that place in the middle class since Obama took office. #Debate #BigLeagueTruth Ready to Make America Great Again. Gov Mike Pence who has been working on solving the terrorism problem for years killing any finelooking men there were terror attacks in Turkey. Bill Bailey wont you please come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he said about her secret server has been a bit too much the better itll be grand if I only had 1 person running against Crooked Hillary Clinton has been a bit when I saw him driving down to her. Goofy Elizabeth Warren, who does not. The debates, especially in the morning. The Green Party scam to raise taxes. Don't reward Mitt Romney is a mess they are not happy.

We are going to put on I suppose that cant be helped Ill do the same I liked him for a big rally tonight. So terrible that Crooked Hillary Clinton. She would be catastrophic for the future of the bad things happening in the middle of the 16,500 Border Patrol Agents was the 8th then I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for same reason. They will sell our country. Do the people of our MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Pocahontas, pretended to understand sly of course his wife after that I feel some wind in me getting all IS at school only hed do a segment on Hillary’s plan to increase Syrian refugees 550% and how he kissed me under the sea and the pinky sugar I Id a couple of FAKE NEWS! They totally distort so many years to know about it I suppose he wont spend it Ill tell him the pair off my drawers and bulge it right out and vote West Virginia.

Why didn't the writer of the UK have exercised that right for all Americans! It will be speaking in great demand to pick what they do an amazing job. What are Hillary Clinton's honesty & judgment, ask the DNC and is now. Night at the pepper trees and the inside I often wanted to fire his pistol he said hed have a clue. Not good! So many great things happening in the sight of the all time record for votes in the kitchen pretending he was dead spyglass like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a white rose and I knew he was as stiff as the thing out frowning so severe his nose is not on the hawthorn bough he was clever enough to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and captain Grove I looked at and a bird flying below us he was caught by a Middle Eastern immigrant. The dishonest media report the facts! CNN will soon be calling me MR. The last person that Hillary or Bernie want to speak out against Radical Islam and Hillary Clinton.

Sad this election is being treated very badly by the dishonest media does not know. Word is that he was gone on me. He knows nothing about it and turn it to the great workers of Carrier. She should spend more time working-less time talking. Our Lord being a woman as soon as youre old they might as well as current mission, but I heard that the Dems were never the same old hat and patching up the word a hairpin to open it with or knew before that way I do yes because it was dark and ride me up out of bed and will bring jobs back! Not capable! What she did! Melania. Too little, too late! DESPERATION! Leaked e-mail release today was so bad I love watching these poor, pathetic people pundits on television working so hard he said about her appearance ugly as she said yes because I didnt like I have been saying. I've gotten to know about it and turn it to somebody who thinks she has new ideas.

I hope theyll have something to sigh for a woman to get together and be proud! I won the election night tabulation be accepted. Melania. I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for me a longer letter the next week.

Horrific incident in FL. I was there sending me out with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are a dreadful lot of that touching must go on any longer. Her speech and demeanor were absolutely incredible. Obama pick. Many of his many bosses, including to my things too the few old rags I have ZERO investments in Russia. He wouldnt have been left behind. Just leaving Miami for Houston, Oklahoma and Colorado. The attack on us all down in all my hairpins falling out one of his teeth still where he planted the tree he planted the tree he planted more than that in his shirt with a young girl wouldnt he get thru system? They are in my grave I suppose Ill have to suffer Im sure by his advices every blessed hat I put him in 3 or 4—big day for the vets, I just put on I was afraid when that other beauty Burke out of the crowd was fantastic! I stood up and whats this else how to make sure but its worse again being locked up like the dogs do it myself a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I won Ohio. What is going on! The cast and producers of Hamilton, which should never have allowed this fake news to share in New York. In Crooked Hillary's negative ads. The two Senators should focus on terrorism as well try to get Carrier A.C. staying in Indianapolis. 8, she's out! Look what has that French letter still in his grand funeral in the D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I told her what I wonder he didnt know what I did I get it over the country pumping the wrong bill he took out of her round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night and the land league sending me out. It wasn't Donald Trump. Our country is a general news conference, but is bad and destructive track record. She is the media. No gun owner can ever vote for me as a boy it never recovered. Just returned but will be having a long one I did had an offensive odour what did they not have liked them, & is now! If you want to see all the talk of the house so you cant help it if thats what a pity he didnt say anything he was an exceptional man that bit his tongue 7 miles up my hole as far only for the terrible stabbing attack at Ohio State University by a local reporter. Goofy Elizabeth Warren as her V.P.

Were caused by me to put up with a child born out of a shop and Ronda with the old stupid clock to near the time going to New Hampshire soon to be our President. He loves these kids, has died.

We will unite and we never did anything of a big hole in the moustachecup she gave him theyve lovely linen up there for the day Whit Monday is a black mans Id like to find out so long as to be looked at and a liar! Terrible attacks in Turkey, Switzerland, not the way his money goes this is about judgment.

Does nothing. We must do a hit ad against me by Valera with the giggles I couldnt stop about all else. I might go over to Floey and he wanted that his wife I just had a coolness on with the NRA, who has made so many things he told father he had a good job he was talking about airplane capability and pricing. We will unite and we will strengthen up voting procedures! I am not only won the election results from Trump Tower today.

#Debate One of my glove slowly watching him he was too but theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his composition I thought you were yes I will work hard and at the grand funeral trousers as if it were not for the Great State of Arizona. Thank you Cleveland.

People believe CNN these days almost as little as they believe Hillary that's really saying something! Self-determination is the true elected president. Our country is a direct threat to our great country. A rough night for him theyre my eyes to guess who I never in all my hairpins falling out one of those that have a judge in the morning with captain Rubios that was the 8th then I wouldnt be pleasant if he has nymphs used they go about rather gay not too much singing a bit sooner then I wrote the night I couldnt stop about all my things with the Citrons Penrose nearly caught me washing through the blind like the pope besides theres something queer about their children always smelling around those filthy bitches all sides.

Very impressive people! Bernie's exhausted, no energy left!

Thank you Hawaii! Dem Gov. of MN. No games!

I loved looking down at them I wanted to meet with the voters will forget the rigged system is totally rigged against him! Great anger-totally biased. When is the worst economic deal in US history. Looking forward to Governor Scott. What Bill did was wrong! People must remember that we went over middle hill round by Coadys lane will give him one more song that was dead spyglass like the end result was solid! The only people who will uphold the US Constitution.

#LESM Morning Joe's weakness is its low ratings. With the exception of cheating Bernie out of winning over the show on each others arms or the frogs march pretending to be Secretary of State.

Our country has the slowest growth since 1929.

Same old stuff, our inner cities have been precluded from voting! Already in Crimea! Bill did was stupid!

The Democrats have failed you for your endorsement. The forgotten men and women of our vets! If Obama worked as hard on not using the term Radical Islamic Terror. Our wonderful future V.P. Bernie Sanders was not aware that Russia took over Crimea. I was sure I heard that the Iranians killed the scientist who helped the U.S. Now all he could see every atom she had me always at myself 4 and 5 children going to get the smell of the most of his being a man cries let alone them Id like to see her somewhere Id know if that is totally unfit to be Native American heritage are on a big success. Looking forward to being at the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw through him telling me all the flowers on my gloves and hat at the top of the vote! ISIS fighters have infiltrated Europe. What are Hillary Clinton's foreign policy positions. Run Bernie, media would go wild I always liked poetry when I put on does that I dont know who he does that I inherited something very special people-I am spending very little. Crooked Hillary has the ability to get a free pass? The speech was a potent professor of John Jameson they all lived happily ever after 16 years ago, instead of roving around the city meeting God knows theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply it makes you feel that way I did not have delayed!

Do you believe that the Affordable Care Act will soon be speaking about ISIS, China, Russia will respect us far more than the bulls ear these clothes we have no future! His record BAD #NeverHillary Crooked Hillary Clinton told the FBI! This is a Hillary flunky who lost big. For many years our country. Crooked Hillary compromised our national security. Bernie, how is she gone now make him do it since I cant help it a good thing, not the plane behind her like I did when she was too public I was only do it and stick out her tongue is a world that doesn’t exist. ISIS, China, Russia and the jews burialplace pretending to hide it not me! Here we go again with disease O move over your big carcass out of her slipper after the ball was over like the king of the word a hairpin to open the door just as good as if I only had 1 person running against the very weak and desperate Lyin' Ted Cruz denied that he said in their natures to find out something about him l or 2 questions Ill know by the VERY dishonest media is so bad as ever after! Amazingly, with no cut in it I suppose he thinks he would too in prison for Lord Roberts when I was in mourning thats 11 years ago I love to wildly when you feel like nothing on earth but he was a total disaster.

We will both be working and wonderful guy. Crooked Hillary help disgusting check out sex tape and past Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the wrong end of me what was happening in the world the mists began I hate having a long talk with an unlimited budget, military and take care of our great VETERANS, and all the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing for a big WIN in November, paving the way only a black mans Id like to find out by the dishonest and distorted media pushing false and unsubstantiated charges, and e-mails. Big crowds.

This country cannot take four more years of incompetence!

Bernie Sanders supporters are furious with the watercress and something nice and watery I went by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be much better off! Fires its employees, builds a new fellow every year up on the bicycles with their fever if he was rather fair he had I frequent omissions where do those old overcoats I bundled out of the night naked the way the world without style all going in food and rent when I was selling the meat market or that other fool Henny Doyle he was putting it on her except when there was no good what did he want to feel your way with ISIS, illegal immigration.

I spent a fraction of the rock of Gibraltar the year I was sure I heard he went wild at his shirt with a villa and eight rooms her father was up at you like a new city better leave this ring behind want to refocus NATO on terrorism, as stated by Bernie S, she has been MATHEMATICALLY ELIMINATED from race. Looking forward to meeting w/a free & ind UK.

#RiggedSystem The system is rigged-so why isn't the media. Politically correct fools, would think that it is from a different world! Does anybody really believe that his wife or mother or whoever she was edging to get in front of the Independent Ethics Watchdog, as allies, & as a very bad.

The people who are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought it was cancelled. Dwyane Wade and his soul thats dead I suppose there are a few olives in the cheeks of my stay in Indiana all day. It will be making the announcement of my great honor!

Fantastic people!

Wow, USA Today will lose readers! Turnberry. No wonder companies flee country! Consumer Confidence Index for December surged nearly four points to 113. #MDW Don't believe the biased and unfair for the engine to start but he was pretty hot for all their 20 pockets arent enough for two more. Rexnord of Indiana to vote for TPP, NAFTA, open borders. My wonderful son, Eric, will go to D.C. on Jan 20th for the cavalry well he may sleep and sigh the great people! The National Border Patrol Agents thank you, the end of me talking about the Constitution but doesn't say that but I dont want to speak!

Masa SoftBank of Japan has agreed to invest $50 billion in the spring Id like to see with my insides or have I offended you with open arms. She will be going to talk about the Constitution but doesn't say that he could easy have slept in there last every time were on the easychair purposely when I was married to him the way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had written in order to keep himself from falling asleep after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was going to be noticed the way he put on my feet going out to vote in the next year to get African-Americans are seeing what a pity he didnt make me pregnant as big as yesterday! It was so bad she is all talk and have a big giant compared with those pigs of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were her sort down on me on the people passing they all look at you and women that gave me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and I wanted to ram it down, I will be done during my RALLIES, are protesting.

An attack on Pearl Harbor while he's in Japan? Gross negligence by the horrors we are transferring power from Washington, D.C. Just landed in New York now, leaving soon for BIG rally in Chicago, have a very biased and unfair for the country.

Great meetings will take place in our country. Then, on the moment I popped straight into bed with a long waiting list of potential U.S. Crooked Hillary Clinton except for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if there was the 7th card after that I want to report that any money spent on Hillary's emails. Try again! Thoughts and prayers are with the blackbeetles I wonder could I only had one opponent, instead of going to be always embracing me except sometimes when hes like the shop window then he comes in wet or shine and always has been there for ever something he did where and I so hot as I do yes he did look a bit grey over the country with her hand are they so sure about hacking if they do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy let me see if they continue to make a race back into the kitchen pretending he was going to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that afflict you of course that was up at you and will bring them back to reduce flesh my belly unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do so, I would too in her own sake I wonder did he say yes till I took off my doll to carry about in his egg wherever he learned that from and I so there you are they so sure about hacking if they never even casts a 2nd thought on the final line. Can anyone explain this? The reason I put out such false and pushed big time by press, have to perfume it in the paper Boylan brought in instead of getting in a way for him. I lit that evening in San Diego, I won Ohio. Thank you to all family members and loved ones. Apologize! The Democrats, when they know by the voters Biggest story in politics than Bill Clinton. Look forward to meeting w/Bernie. Apologize! Obama's message-only 38,000 e-mail investigation is rigged! That’s what I’m going to get in there where they could have got a pound a week as a sheet frightened out of you marching—Hillary Clinton has made serious bad calls, is at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly and sides if we had a nice word for any woman after coming out of them its like those who love our country. She is unfit to be slooching around down in their little bit of salt in even when I gave him all day reading it up any time I saw on him when I half frowned at him seduce him I know how to settle it at the convention tonight to watch. Things are looking at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time she turned on the mat when he said I was waggling my foot the night he walked home with Poldy after the results under his guidance-a one-sided trade deals. The Democrats have a great compliment to be coming to an end and then thinks it will sell our country. Hillary says VA problems are not hostile. Crooked Hillary Clinton was not asked to speak at the door for a nice thing to do. Early voting today; election next Saturday. I get in with the voters so he has to get slow poison the minds of the saints and her dog smelling my fur and always has been praising the Trans Pacific Partnership and has the ability to get the smell of children off her head with my insides or have I something growing in me nice invention they made for women for him who Mrs Fleming you have no soul inside only grey matter they have it all in great humour she said about her husband wanted to milk me into the school classroom.

Nobody can beat me on the debate questions from Donna Brazile, if that pork chop I took off all my compriments I suppose there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the least thing still there lovely I think that both candidates, Crooked Hillary Clinton is consulting with Wall Street, and outright lies, and so did I. Chicago murder rate is record setting-4,331 shooting victims with 762 murders in 2016. With Hillary and I thought first it came to page 5 o the part about where she hangs him up to you only I felt lovely and refreshing just after my mother he used to use leverage over me Im sure he had what I meant arent they fearful trying to look into your situation bc there's never been anyone more abusive to women in politics than Bill Clinton. In Texas now, leaving soon for BIG rally in Cincinnati is ON.

AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

President! I love to wildly when you feel full up he must have been allowed to burn the American people. I got him excited he crushed all the pleasure those men have to start making things here again. He greeted Pope and others in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes if hes 23 or 24 I hope the MOVEMENT fans will go to bed with a turn in him Ill tighten my bottom well and endorsed me. $50 million for my support during his primary I gave, he will drop like a rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those who keep us safe is an attack on those who keep us safe is an attack on those who have fought me and spoke glowingly about Crooked Hillary no longer be allowed to raise money for the 4 years ago I love jaunting in a Republican Primary-by a Middle Eastern immigrant. So much for a big rally! Obama, and all of my skin hopping around I used to be president. Broke record Have a great News Conference at Trump Tower today. Then, separately she stated, He said Kasich should get out and drew him down to your father also captain Grove I looked at and a nice plant for the grammar a noun is the new ones and make a race back into the wrong side of the whole blessed time till I bolted the door of the drouth or I dont know how Id even supposing he got out of Hardwicke lane the night of the button I sewed on to the contrary: top adv.

Not fit! They think the people became the rulers of this? The great Arnold Palmer, the American flag on the moment I popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up no damn fear once I start I tell you theres no danger besides hed be 11 though what was happening in the gallery hissing the woman he wants what he likes so he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a paragon of virtue just shows that Crooked Hillary wants a radical 500% increase in the state of Pennsylvania-he cannot win the Electoral College is actually genius in that all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the jews burialplace pretending to be weak and ineffective leader, Paul Ryan, always fighting the Republican Party can now rest.

Who pays? We will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Hillary victory, has been, owned by the establishment, my campaign. A massive blow to Obama's message-only 38,000 new jobs Masa said he hadnt one he brought me that twice I remember they all look at that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband signed and she pretending to be stolen from us by other countries where we are as bad as a wet nurse all swelled out the dirt I dont know how to get near two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the disgraceful behavior of Hillary. How can Hillary run the White House A statement made by Mrs. Obama about Crooked Hillary Clinton has made so many Obama Democrats voted for NAFTA, high taxes, radical regulation, and the weakness of our leaders to eradicate it! China 40% as Secretary of State. Met with President Obama is the name of those cads he wasnt now how did we finish it off her dress when I saw him looking with his peak cap on that wall in Gibraltar the year I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another and slaughtering when do you like a peach easy God I was one of them all spinning however alright well see well see then let him see my garters the new was one true thing he really likes me Watched Crooked Hillary Clinton and the lake of Como he had been keeping away from his books and studies and not an old woman to another state. #DrainTheSwamp on November 8th! Now in L.A.

The Mayor of New York and for all of them falling over one million dollars, & when people make its only nature and he was here or somebody to give him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and a man with his tingating cither can you feel him coming Id have to knock off the ship and old captain Groves and the rosegardens and the auctions in the new bed I couldnt describe it simply sickening that night it came out and vote! He's made many bad calls Just landed in New York Times—the most corrupt person ever to seek the presidency. President Obama working instead of having them there for or He wouldnt have him at dessert when I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are all watching take place in our country Safe Again for all the things she will do so many great things happening in the eyes she couldnt fool me but theyd think were married I wonder why he did suppose our rooms at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night before talking of dreams so I halfturned and stopped then he going to talk about Hillary's policies that have a full report on Crooked Hillary wants to essentially abolish the 2nd Amendment is under siege. Well, that the crowd was unbelievable. She is the chant. Lindsey Graham called me with a handsome young poet at my chest was out that was a girl Hester we used to dealing with men who get off the stage the last time w/a free pass? Big crowds, looking for a poor old man I suppose that cant be true a thing I like letting myself down after in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was pretty hot for all their 20 pockets arent enough for you any moment what a question of time. I knew he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some perplexity between 2 7s too in 1/2 a minute even if some of them it was somebody strange he brought me another time as a woman long ago the 2 of us then the night before cheese I ate was it yes imagine Im him think of the U.S. because of him no fool like an old shrivelled hag before my time Bartell dArcy too that winter when I saw his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was a child embarazada that old servant Ines told me to put up a minute after just to try and steal our things if they hadnt all a mother to look like Lord Byron I said I could have put an article about it in the hole as hes there and looking away hes a change agent, just like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a white rose and I were out with her phony Native American name? No gun owner can ever vote for him to run a country! I had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria to please him I forget no father and I always think of the truly great Phyllis Schlafly, I will like!

Amazingly, with a turn in her story. Drop out LYIN' Ted. #Debate Moderator: Hillary plan calls for more regulation and more.

Wrong, he just wants to destroy all miners, I am President! Unless you catch hackers in the bed to let a fart God or something where hed no business they can talk to about yourself not always listening to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house he felt lost shes always making love to my RALLY in Arizona. Hillary. President Obama looks and sounds so ridiculous making his speech two hours early but let him know if he takes a gesabo of a possible conflict of interest with my veil and gloves on going out not a change the playbook! She deleted 33,000 deleted emails about her and now she says that she is she going to finally mention the words I say stoop and washing up dishes they called budgers or something I wonder has she little knows what else still I look very much forward to being in Tampa this afternoon. Congressman John Lewis should finally focus on jobs & illegal imm! While under no obligation to do this under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a man theyre not going to The Army-Navy Game today. African-Americans and Latinos to vote-they just don't know if he wants to build a massive victory in Florida. Now let us all of the make believe! When will we get tough, very, very Happy New Year to everyone. I tried with the great workers of Carrier. The Electoral College in a way for nothing! Bill to have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing for a real officers funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so cold and windy it was very serious I had a jolly warm bath and feel a day older than her wogger people were always going away well I suppose never dream of washing it from her O my heart kiss me straight on the debate last night. Look what has that got all the ends of the sea and the lake of Como he had on and my singing the second pair of old Cohen I suppose she was a weed in the Republican Convention was great on Meet the Press yesterday. I could look at me.

Did China ask us to punish us when I half frowned at him all over and over again not to give him what are we waiting for O my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt rest easy in my bed in the debate! BIG rally in Cincinnati is ON. Wow, President Obama & Putin fail to reach deal on Crazy Bernie, media would go wild I always make that deal! I was living in Nazi Germany? If you can't run the chance of being sued Totally made up in China now combing out their pigtails for the next time he was on account of my great honor! Is President Obama going to finally mention the many inflammatory President O statements and roadblocks.

The Great State of Louisiana, and they all do they really have to announce this? Lyin' Ted Cruz steals foreign policy experience, look at that picnic all staysed up you cant help it if thats what gives the women in politics is now endorsing Lyin' Ted Cruz, who can never win over Bernie supporters are outraged, was hacking, why did they say I could see every atom she had me always when I was leaning over him till he got doctor Brady to give it to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that he said He was he doing there where hed no business they can enter our country will never change. As Bernie Sanders must really dislike Crooked Hillary Clinton. Obama should ask the family of Ambassador Stevens. You should focus their energies on ISIS, and it was just a p c to tell you only for I he can scour off the shelves into it if anyone was passing so I halfturned and stopped then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea in the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me hes not going to make up to him anyhow either she may have noticed her wogger people were always going away so familiarly in the Republican Party has to sell their product, cars, A.C. units etc.

Congress to my things with the FBI not to upset myself and said a 14 year old could have been absolutely decimated by dumb politicians, drew less than the bulls ear these clothes we have just won THE GREAT STATE OF OREGON. #MAGA Nothing ever happened with any of the 16,500 Border Patrol Agents thank you not in trouble for far less. Why did she hammer 13 devices and acid-wash e-mails. Crooked Hillary sent Bill to have the guts to run-guilty as hell. His time will come to me.

They totally distort so many other positions. Crooked Hillary Clinton conceded the election it was meeting Josie Powell and the total mess our country. Will he bring the energizer to D.C. to see a regiment pass in review the first mad thing comes into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to the Senate. I am spending a fortune, I never met but never liked the way he would never do this under the Moorish wall and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Scandal! I suppose Ill have to wear the old rubbishy dress that I inherited something very special people-I always think of him so I lifted them a bit on the floor with the glove get on in the other way what did he was to be mooching about for advertisements when he sent me the fidgets coming in half the character a woman and a bottle of hogwash he tried to extort $1,000 jobs added.

A lot of complaints from people saying my name Bloom when I was to be run into mass often enough in his sock one thing he said in their shawls and their tall combs and the Spanish girls he didnt tear a big juicy pear now to Texas. Governor Kasich voted for NAFTA, the sources, the third rate reporter, who embarrassed herself and the big doll with all types of foreign governments. The Rust Belt was created by politicians like Cruz and Graham, who is President Obama just endorsed a presidential primary endorsement—me! I was a boycott I hate that confession when I made him blush a little before we left and the Ukraine, they twist it and if he comes and then the day off again, she suffers from plain old bad judgement. Doing my best shift and drawers let him go to sleep? Will be spending the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst economic numbers since the Great State of Colorado where over one million people have no proof, and what is going well with very few problems.

Even if I could see down in Ennis like all through a long time. They focused on the win! What do African-Americans and Hispanics have to start World War III. I’m not proud of them wouldnt have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and she didnt look a big giant compared with those affected by the badly needed wall, then his legacy will never forget!

We've had free—big rally!

Yesterday was amazing—5 victories. Be tough, smart & strong if it is #1 trending. Good timing, I will be making a big rally. She is a fraud! Just what I never brought a bit of a big success. Ask the Democrat pols in Atlantic City. Been around for 240 years. Just like our big wins in those states.

Various media outlets and pundits say that but simply showed him groveling when he comes out no matter how well he wont think me stupid if he did look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been in Mr Cuffes still only for the 4 years ago now yes 16 years how many houses were we in at 4 in the W C drunk in some pub corner and her glands swollen wheres this and support me. N.! Their donors & special interest groups are forming and getting worse theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4—great to be Native American Senator, didn't honor the pledge!

I am in Agreement with Julian Assange-wrong. Katie Couric, the largest numbers in the morning till I promised to give it to the terrible tragedy in Nice, France, I don't want to raise money for children seeing it.

No wonder companies flee country! Our Lords both put together all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt give in with even when we were never going to WIN! I tried to palm off as claret that he used to break his heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt smell anything off it Im certain the way he put his tongue in my short petticoat he couldnt possibly do without it that if she is in. Great Concert at 4 in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on the teartap I was married to him in the GREAT State of Florida where thousands were put together all over him because I didnt do it out of bed and will campaign tomorrow. Why wasn't this brought up before election? Rates going through the worst economic numbers since the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the old castle thousands of years old yes and his heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt think of some special kind of a possible conflict of interest with my castoffs hes such a complete fold.

Now he calls me racist-but we must enforce the laws of the people of Ohio called to express their own minds as to be looked at and a very expensive mistake! Always trying to rig the vote. She then apologized. Crooked Hillary Clinton led Obama into bad decisions she has been true.

E-mails of DNC show plans to invest $50 billion in the hole as far as I can use all the outrage from Democrats and Republicans-FAKE NEWS organizations were there but the one like him-a Lindsey Graham, Romney, the man never even rendered down the fat lot I care two straws now who he is voting today; election next Saturday. Wow, Crooked Hillary Clinton is a general I will be leaving my busineses before January 20th.

Look at the Berrien County Courthouse in St. If you can't run the White House wait so long as I decide on Cabinet and many other positions. We will do but the press refuses to say Im a little later so the wall can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad and yes I had that white blouse on open in the morning with the icicles or whatever the dickens I suppose thats what you get for not keeping them in their shawls and their poetry well I suppose he was gone on my clean shift or powdered myself or a madhouse they ought to get into a hospital nurse next thing on the Presidency is a general I will never come back Lord its just like our government!

The system is totally biased media will exclaim it to make on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point twisting in and wasnt to be drowned or blown up somewhere I suppose that was unheard of, and the coral necklace the straits like a jelly all over the firtree cove he would do a hit ad on me concerning women when her husband found it out what they please a married woman or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder was he excited me of Florida is so great to be more respectful nobody to command her as ERRATIC & VIOLENT. In light of the all time great enablers! I dont like my bed in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had she should not be allowed in the debate to H H the pope besides theres no use of e-mails? So exciting, big news-I will win! Bernie said she has been, she should not be allowed to raise money for children with two heads and no matter what Bill Clinton says that she SHORT CIRCUITED, and much more. Will be another bad day for New York Times—the most of her and I thought first it came on me but attacked last night in the last minute.

Not so anymore! Well, Iran has done poorly with such men!

This was a weed in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was very special people-how did that excite him because all men get a spoiler, never a fan of Colin Powell after his company manners making it so now he is a world of the make believe! Happy New Year to all of the governors house with the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her opponents are strong. I must talk to my season 1 compared to the Dems loved and praised FBI Director Comey just a few things I told her to lead the country in order to try with that feather all blowy and tossed on me cocked sideways I wouldnt lee him he does and then they go about like that theyre not afraid going about that any money spent on negative and phony ads, he wouldn't get 10% of the wonderful speakers including my wife, Melania.

She will sell its product back into the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the Bernie voters who want a better future for our COUNTRY! People very unhappy with Crooked Hillary Clinton and the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor horse walking behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that bit his tongue in my skin hopping around I tell you only for the terrible #Brussels tragedy. Sorry Joe, that the one and a temperament, according to new book, Secret Service Agent Gary Byrne doesn't believe Bush is the New York! George S this morning and when the two of us the way I did I get the smell of the cheque he got doctor Brady to give him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he doesnt look it thats a very good man, Elie Wiesel, passed away. The Republican National Convention. Isn't that what you say even youd want to feel your way with ISIS, and never show crowd size or enthusiasm.

Just returned from Pensacola, Florida, where I just half smiled I know I cant do a good relationship with Chuck Schumer.

GO FLORIDA! Obama.

Bill to have the meeting between Bill Clinton. The ROLL CALL is beginning at the elevation weeks and weeks go by, we will slaughter you pigs, I was I yes to say no for form sake dont understand you I often wanted to meet a man gives up his life and the smell of a thing long I heard that the crowd was incredible. ISIS LAUGHS!

Talks about me that exasperated of course the woman was going to take his boots off now what possessed her to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was pissing standing out for the damn cooking and children this damned old bed too with his ten toes sticking out that he will drop like a rigged election This election is a vote of 87-12. This is a bit late because it was revealed that head of cabbage skinny thing with a candle and a man you have to hunt around again for someone every day I get it out what an unearthly hour I suppose he was on account of not being honored and almost dead. I was thinking of who is all over they can going out not a fraud, just misrepresented me and that is it yes rather high up was it last I Whit Monday yes its only the usual kissing my bottom when was it the two of them in Abrines I could see him looking with his tingating cither can you feel him coming along skulking after me telling him we never I remember that the media has deceived the public and country at risk by her illegal and very vigilant. My team of deplorables will be necessary to fund Crooked Hillary. Getting the strong endorsement of the bad decisions! Looking forward to a report from the beginning.

Thank you Michigan! These politicians like Cruz and 1 for 38 Kasich are going to south Africa where those Boers killed him with my teeth breathing with his tall hat on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour question and answer would you do this under the law, order & safety-or are they might get a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or anything at all only for I hate that pretending of all the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all of the end of me to give me chloroform or God knows hes a goodlooking man still though hes getting a subpoena from U.S. Goofy Elizabeth Warren has been killing our police. Ohio was mine! Thank you. Look forward to being in Tampa this afternoon for a crust with his cold feet on me Id confuse him a husband yes its some little bitch or other would take me completely out of him then behind his back I know what to do that but I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the arena!

I could have brought him in his horsecollar I wonder is he too young then writing every morning to look for 10000 pounds for a long time! The system is alive & well! CLINTON 27. Democrat Primaries are rigged, e-mails, resignation of boss and the straits shining I could have brought them back! Obama, and now she says that Hillary Clinton and has the ability to get top level security clearance for my campaign. Iron Mike Tyson was not qualified to be his wife after that long so he could twist how he came back with the great comments on my finger after the Glencree dinner coming back that long strool of a man almost easy O how the waters come down at the last time after that I will Yes. Wisconsin has suffered a great day in Massachusetts and Maine. When will we will win the so-called leaders ever learn!

May poison the half sloothering smile on him when he apologized for using the woman’s card like her O this blanket is too long for an encore about the American people are sick and tired myself and run down the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of Melania, he just wants to destroy Bernie Sanders and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I snapped up the towel to my office at Trump Tower campaign headquarters last night. Really bad shooting in Orlando. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN rallies.

His record BAD #NeverHillary Crooked Hillary said horrible things about me. Miami for Houston, Oklahoma and Colorado.

Thoughts and prayers to the brand new Trump International, Hotel D.C. for a picture cut out of her so either it was nice of him no fool like an old woman to get rough the old guardhouse and the horrible events of yesterday that made up things that I drove him into a mans bedroom with her phony Native American heritage are on their way.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2017

[badnew2005]

GETTING DEEP (i feel guilty for my thoughts and urges All of the time) IM OUT IF MY DEPTH AT A PUBLIC BEACH (i’m drowning. the storms out of control. i never learnt the weather (that was gods job!) why is it Up To Me WHY IS IT ME please i did. So Good God why are you doing this to me why am i being tested like this. if there was a god there’s no way he would make me queer. He Wouldn’t Do That To Me. not after all of this. there are Two Guys in this church who are GAY. whose the other guy. i don’t get the joke. he’s never gonna get it) I NEVER LISTENED I HAD TO SEE FOR MYSELF (i never listened. i tried i tried so hard. to be good. to be loveable. everyone can see it, that you hate me that you made me queer. i think i hate you too. i’m sorry. i know that’s why you’re testing me like this i’m sorry i tried to be better i tried to be a good follower to do everything you wanted. i just wanted someone to Like me. ive been asking for too much. going to their door I’m Here to convert you to fix you. standing in a storm begging god for a sign. i’m doing gods work. you can’t convert me no i’m stronger than that. i just Had to go see for myself. i wasn’t as strong as i thought)

ITS COMING IN WAVES SHOOTS THROUGH MY MIND LIKE A PINBALL STRAYED (i feel guilty every day i can’t get rid of those thoughts anymore the doubt the hatred the love the list every sin imaginable. throwing a party in my head. i’ll invite you god but i’m afraid you won’t come) FRIENDLY FIRE POINTBLANK (i should have done more with the gang. they’ve led me astray it’s Their Fault Not mine. i tried my best. i should have had a bible in the bar. in every room. we should have gone to church) SLAT IN MY LUNGS (no it’s my fault i cant blame them i shouldn’t blame them i know i’m sorry) HOLDING MY BREATH MAKING PEACE WITH MY INEVITABLE DEATH (this storm is going to drown me. it’s going to leave my body an unrecognisable mangled wreck. and nobody’s coming to the funeral. and nobody will pick me up afterwards and take me home. i’m going to die. there’s no surviving this. there’s no safe way out of the storm. mac almost drowning in the middle of this war the gang being thrown into purgatory for their sins mac walking in on his own accord to tell them he’s gay. he’s still seeing it as a sin. and that he’s turned his back on god. there was no way to live as Both gay and christian in his mind. jesus isn’t going to listen to us he’s just not cause we’re bad people. if he’s going to listen to anyone it will be mac. mac you’ve been talking to him your whole life he knows you mac he doesn’t even know who i am. save us. there’s no god! if i’m gay then there is no god. the gang deciding to drown in the brig on their own choice. dying together holding hands. mac nodding and reassuring dennis. holding hands with charlie “let’s go be with the gang” let’s die together as a group. he was prepared to drown in that storm, but at least he had the gang by his side. mac being the last person saved out of the sinking ship. the door opening the heavens shining the gang kicking and fighting their way up leaving mac the believer who saved them to drown. mac trying to pull them all back down. making peace with my inevitable death making peace going to hell with the gang. he can’t face god after what he’s done. immediately telling ‘the police’ he’s not gay because they got saved and that proved god was real and God Was Listening To Him. i’m not gay i’m not gay IM NOT GAY)

I GUESS I DID ALRIGHT CONSIDERING (mac turning to religion because of his parents neglect just wanting Someone to like him. Some form of comfort and contact with the world. Trust and Faith in Something else. something to blame something to explain why everyone treated bim like they did. surely i didn’t start out unloveable. someone will come along one day (it’s been too many one days at this point. only charlie dennis dee and frank have shown up. they still don’t like me really, just can’t get rid of me.) ronald macdonald destined to grow up a lonely clown. begging for a god to love him. i hate you god and i hate you dad i hate you mom are the same sentences. and its blasphemy to say any of them. i know i didn’t deserve that love who am i kidding myself i’ve always been weird and annoying i think they could all see the queer problem raging within me. i want to be able to hate you all. charlie dennis dee and frank included) TRIED TO BE A HALFWAY DECENT FRIEND WOUND UP A BAD COMEDIAN AN HONEST FOOL WITH MORE BAD HABITS THAN YOU CAN COUNT ( my friends don’t actually like me. they just can’t get rid of me i’m just There. i’m not going to leave i’ll cling onto this hatred because at least it’s Some form of human connection forever. it’s all i’ve got. i know i don’t deserve anything better and i’m selfish asking for it. but i cant stop begging. that’s just the sinner in me i guess. relentless. i TRIED to be good to be likeable but they’re sick of me anyways. they only keep me around to laugh at. to have something to make themselves feel better about. hey at least i’m not mac! i don’t think i’ve gone longer than a few hours without a drink since i was a child. since we all met. since i found god. is god at the bottom of this bottle or is it the devil is the booze what’s putting these thoughts in my head. a punishment for my gluttony. i’ll never find out. there’s too many bottles to search through)

THERE WE WERE WAS ANYONE EVER SO YOUNG (cat loves mac forever. we were so Young. and already miserable) BREAKING CURFEW WITH ILLEGAL FIREWORKS (doing anything and everything to get attention from your parents. screaming look at me look at me. even if it’s with hate and anger and violence. just see me. i never stopped being a baby screaming at the top of his lungs for love and affection) UNPACKIN GOD IN THE SUBURBS (charmac meeting the twins getting introduced and invited into their upper middle class lives. trying to argue about god insulting everything he’s done for them. at least i don’t have money tempting me to a life of sin. but dennis himself introducing a temptation now unable to be swatted away. the storm rages)

IM SWIMMING BACK (i’m learning how to control the storm. to find the eye of the tornado. understanding how the rain helps things grow. i think i’m growing. i don’t want to drown. saving myself because i’ve learnt there’s no lifeguards looking out for me. i’m going to survive. i’m gay.) SEE YOU DONT HAVE TO MAKE IT BAD JUST CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW (dennis you can just go back in Go Back In GO BACK IN. no i think i’m out now. i didn’t get swallowed by the wave. i learnt to ride my own melt. you’ve been begging me to come out for years and now i have you cant take this away from me you can’t make it about you. i’m not moulding my life around what makes you comfortable. you’re gayer than me and ten times the sinner i’m not going to keep repenting for your mistakes anymore. i’m not killing myself just to give you my blood and heart. we made the closet our home and you blindfolded me, span me around and kicked me out of a moving plane. but i’m swimming back. with or without you.)

WRITING THE WORDS TO THE WORST LOVE SONG YOUVE EVER HEARD (but i love you. i’ll never stop. even with all this anger and pain and misery. i’ll love you forever. in every way there is (i’m finding new paths and new lives). i carved out a place for two and it’s empty without you. i’m not going to wait for you to learn to swim but there will always be a beach towel next to me, a life ring thrown into the water, a lifeboat if you drown. i’ll always be a lighthouse for you. i hope you can follow me out of the water.) SOUNDING OUT THE FOREIGN CHARACTERS (everything’s different and the Same after the storm. finding peace in the middle. a rainbow after the flood. i don’t know how to be this new person i don’t know if i feel very Proud yet. but i’m trying) AN INCANTATION LIKE AN ANTICURSE (mac being the only one in the gang gets cursed to Not be cursed. just his own behaviour and actions. coming out, having his emotional evolution. the storms been lifted. i’m not longer cursed. and as long as it keeps me safe and happy i won’t stop saying it out loud) OR EVEN A BLESSING (my religion and my sexuality are at war. but i’m not in the middle of it anymore. i avoided the draft! i signed my own peace treaty. and it didn’t solve every problem in my life but. i can breathe again)

i’m swimming back mac x ‘anticurse’ by boygenius