#i feel so consistently surprised that Sex Real and my friends not only know that but some actively participate

[autistic-shaiapouf]

So very funny that I wasn't raised religious but still have a weird puritanical knee jerk response to sexuality or sexual expression

[hannieehaee]

TOO MUCH

18+ / mdi

summary: after a few weeks of constant overtime work slouching over a desk, you feel as if your back is about to give out on you. fortunately for you, your best friend seungcheol is a professional masseuse! unfortunately for you, you're unsure of how you'll keep your crush on your best friend at bay while on his massage bed, ass up and oiled up.

content: masseuse!seungcheol, friends to lovers, pining (act surprised), touch-starved reader, inexperienced reader, very uninformed view of what being a masseuse is like oops, afab reader, smut, fingering, oil is involved, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 7.9k

a/n: as someone who's had horrible back pain ever since i was a child, this is based on mostly real events </3 also not 100% proofread

masterlist

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Your back was killing you.

It had been weeks since you'd gotten some proper rest, having made the terrible decision to take on some overtime at work, not knowing that your supervisor would get so used to the extra help she would continue to schedule you more hours week after week, thus destroying your back in the process. You knew that you could simply say no, but the extra money was helpful. You had wanted to start saving up a little more so you could finally move out of your shitty neighborhood, so the situation kind of worked out. The money would also go to paying your student loans, meaning you really couldn't miss this chance for an increase in income. It was kind of a win-win situation, except your poor back was the sole loser.

Your job didn't involve too much movement, no. It was mostly office work, which required you to sit on your hunched back for 10 hours per day, only allotting yourself for three quick 15-minute breaks and a 30 lunch break in which you would still be hunched over as you ate. You knew it was a bad habit, but sitting there for so many hours, you'd forget to sit up straight as you looked into the computer screen, and even if you fixed your posture while working, your back was just not built for standing still for such long periods of time. There was really no saving your back from its stiff fate at this point. These work hours also didn't allow you time to even work out or stretch in order to keep your body at least a little active and maybe prevent your pain a tiny bit.

Your best friend Seungcheol constantly scolded you over your bad posture. It wasn't like you actually had bad posture, okay? You weren't constantly hunched over, nor were you carrying all your weight on your shoulders. This was a recent development resulting directly from your increased work hours. But Seungcheol, being a masseuse, always noticed the slightest changes in your physique, claiming he could spot a sore back from a mile away, with yours being a very obvious case. He could notice your head standing a little lower, digging into your shoulders more and more as the days went by. He also took notice of your constant wincing and your futile attempts at rubbing your own shoulders whenever the soreness got too annoying.

He pitied you, really. He hated seeing you in pain. Being your best friend, he felt it as his duty to try and relieve it in any way he could. On top of having most of your free time being taken over by work, he hated to think that you were also in pain during the few hours you spent away from the office. He had communicated all these concerns to you over the past few weeks, trying to convince you to let him give you a massage in order to relieve the pain, but you'd consistently refused. He was unsure as to why, and being denied a proper reason made him want to keep on insisting until you finally allowed him to rid you of your discomfort.

"One massage won't fix my issues," you'd argued over and over again. To which he simply responded by saying he could just give you a standing appointment every week! He was very insistent on helping you, wanting to relieve you of at least some of the pain. But you were even more insistent in denying him. You were too busy to use up the little bit of free time you had going to the spa Seungcheol worked at. You also didn't think a massage would really be the ultimate solution, despite how badly your sore shoulders begged for relief. Yeah, sure, a massage might alleviate the pain for a bit, but it would simply come back after another week at the office. That, and the fact that the spa Seungcheol worked at was only open during your work hours, meaning you'd have to either haul ass over there during your thirty minute lunch, or take time off. Both were huge no's to you. There were just far too many reasons as to why not take him up on his offer, you argued both to him and yourself. But you knew these were simply excuses. Your main reason had been something you'd kept deep within yourself. You were starving for his touch, but scared of how your body would react to it.

You were generally an averagely touchy person with friends and family. Not overly touchy, but arguably an appropriate amount. It had only been a little over a year or so since you'd begun to feel a bit strange at the lack of intimate touch you'd experienced thus far in your life. While all your friends had experimented and had fun during college, you were a little shier and more reserved, rendering you a bit behind the rest of the herd in that area. It wasn't very noticeable to all. It wasn't like your friends were aware about how sexually frustrated you'd grown over the years due to your lack of experience, but you'd still tried to keep it a secret how unaccustomed you were to more intimate forms of physical touch. Even something as innocent as a massage from a friend. You'd be as touchy as any friend would expect, but still felt a slightly strange sensation when it came to any mention of more intimate activities. You'd somehow grown used to a lack of touch, despite being best friends with the touchiest person alive. You usually avoided being too physically affectionate with Seuncheol anyways, having harbored a small crush on him when you'd first met and wanting to avoid any of your emotions getting in the way of a friendship you treasured so much. You'd known that a massage from the man would be a huge nono, all things considered, which was where all your denials stemmed from.

You had been friends with Seungcheol since college. You had both shared a major, meaning that you kept bumping into each other day after day, attending almost all the same classes freshman year. You had taken a quick liking to each other, befriending one another almost immediately. Despite having had a crush on the man at first sight, you were content with the friendship that had blossomed instead. You'd even ended up joining Seungcheol's little friend group, being friends with most of them even to this day. This unexpected closeness during your first year led you to coordinate your schedules the following three years, thus seeing each other literally every day you were on campus. Even now, having recently graduated college, you were still best friends, meeting up constantly. Despite sharing a major, you both had ended up in drastically different places after college. You had gone for the corporate route while Seungcheol suddenly developed a passion for physical therapy, eventually becoming a massage therapist. At the time, however, he worked at a luxury spa downtown, being known as one of their best masseuses and singlehandedly earning the establishment an increase from a four-star rating to five stars just from the quality of his work alone.

You had visited Seungcheol's work before, quickly deciding it just wasn't your vibe. The place was nice and perfectly polished, but upon seeing a few of the masseuses' skills in action, you realized it'd be better for your friendship if you avoided such intimate contact with one another. Yes, you knew massages were not inherently intimate, but being oiled up and felt up by someone who was as close to you as Seungcheol just didn't ring like a good idea to you. It also didn't help that the massive crush you had on the man in college seemed to be resurfacing as of late. You believed to have gotten over it a few months into senior year, but you didn't want to risk reviving it under any circumstances.

However, despite your constant rejections, Seungcheol continued to beg you to let him take care of your problem, and denying him was something that pained both you and your back. So you now found yourself with two issues; back pain, and a very pouty Seungcheol.

"Fuck, my back is killing me," you repeated for the millionth time in the past five hours since you had woken up. You had intended to enjoy your rare day off, even waking up a little earlier than intended so you could make plans with your roommates, but your plans quickly died on you as soon as you woke up, body stiff as a rock and your soreness worse than ever.

"We get it! You're in pain. So go do something about it!", whined your friend Seungkwan in return, not even bothering to look at you from his phone, "It's bad enough I had to cancel my plans to stay here and take care of you. Just go get oiled up by Cheol and stop making this my problem!"

If there was anything Seungkwan was, it was direct. He was right. Your pain was getting out of hand. And the longer you waited, the worse it would get. Except he didn't know about your calamity to its full extent.

"Listen, I don't even have the money to afford his fancy spa. Have you been there? One day is worth a whole day's pay!"

"Please. It's Seungcheol. He'll get you in for free. Hell, he'll even pay you to go."

"I don't have time to go!", another excuse. A few more and Seungkwan might even begin to crack the code behind your insistent refusal.

He suddenly straightened up from his laid-back position, staring directly in your direction, "All the solutions are there. You're the problem. It's like you want to be in pain! I could literally call him up right now and he'd drop work to come help you. Just get the damn massage!"

This is how a lot of your conversations went lately. Well, the very few conversations you could have nowadays due to your heavy workload. You'd occasionally even have to bring work home even after having been there for half the day. Your eight hours of sleep a night were not even pleasurable anymore, as you felt stiff as a rock the moment you attempted to lay down. The only comfortable stance, ironically, was hunched over in front of a computer. It was like you'd frozen into that pose, feeling immeasurable pain any time you attempted to move any other way. You'd tried pilates, stretches, yoga. Nothing worked. Maybe Cheol's massage really was the only solution, but it'd been so long since you began denying him you now felt a little silly going back on your word. That, and your other obvious issues.

"I'll be fine, Kwan! Just leave. You don't have to take care of me, I just need to lay for a bit."

"You'll lay there all day, I know you. Your life's become a constant state of sleep and work. Maybe you should just quit," he suggested, seemingly moving on from the Cheol topic. Finally.

"Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much debt I have to pay off? I don't wanna be paying this off for the rest of my life. I'd rather suffer for a few years now and just get it out of the way," you reasoned, although not sounding very reasonable even to yourself. What's the rush?, a voice in the back of your head would sometimes whisper, but you'd just ignore it.

"Fine," he tsk'd. "Rot in your own misery, I'm going out with Kyeom and Soonie. If I come back and you've morphed into a rock, don't say I didn't warn you," and with that, he announced his departure, going forward with the plans you had made with your friends before your back had gotten in the way.

You knew your friend was kidding, but the unbearable pain would sometimes have you wonder. Should you just go to Cheol? What was the worst that could happen of you just let him touch you? His touch would be purely platonic, you were sure of that. But you feared that it would rekindle your feelings even more, and maybe that your high-strung self would not be able to handle such touch from him without finally snapping.

You were weak. This wasn't much of a secret among your friend group, or anyone really. Which is why you now found yourself walking through the doors of Seungcheol's spa. You had spent about an hour rotting in your own misery, as Seungkwan had put it, before deciding to power through your pain and drive down to where you knew Seungcheol was currently working a shift. You hadn't called him, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. You weren't planning on booking a massage today, no. You couldn't have even if you wanted, knowing that the spa Seungcheol worked at was a bit renown in town and that their bookings went weeks back. You had just wanted to give it another try. Maybe visual learning would convince your stubborn self to accept Cheol's help for once.

You entered the establishment, already knowing exactly where to go to find out about Seungcheol's whereabouts. You walked to the receptionist, opening your mouth to ask for assistance before being rudely interrupted.

"Sorry. We're booked for the day. Our next open bookings begin in December. Try again then," the conversation had ended before it began, causing you to close your mouth right back up.

Once more, you opened your mouth to speak, maybe respond in equally passive aggressive tone as the girl had, but you were rudely interrupted once again, except this time it was by a warmer, more welcoming voice.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?", you could not see him from your angle, needing to turn around to face the source of the sound, but you could instantly hear the smile in his voice, clearly both happy and shocked to find you here of all people.

You turned around, now facing the boy. He was wearing his usual 'uniform', which really just consisted of some tight black slacks and a matching black short-sleeve top tucked into his pants. You'd forgotten how well his uniform fit him. It must've been one of the reasons why his massages were rated so high, you thought.

"Hey, Cheol ..." you smiled awkwardly, having been caught off guard by the man. You'd meant to surprise him, not the other way around.

"I wasn't expecting you. Did you call? Did you make an appointment?!", his eyes widened at the possibility, looking past you and at the receptionist as if to confirm his inquiry.

"No, Cheol. I told you I didn't want a massage. I came to see you, actually," well that was half true. You had wanted to see your friend in his element, maybe even convince yourself of finally taking him up on his offer. You had just wanted to see if you could handle that type of touch from your best friend considering your situation (re: a recovering case of touch starvation with a mixture of 'I might kind of maybe still have a bit of a crush on my bff').

To be completely honest, you were somewhat afraid. You'd hadn't felt any form of intimate touch in a long while or, well, ever. And to have it come from your best friend would only open up a can of worms you had wanted to keep under lock and key ever since meeting the man. Every excuse you'd given thus far to reject him bad been true, but had also been just that; an excuse. You knew that Seungcheol's treatment would help you lessen an issue that had now grown past your own personal ability to manage on your own. Which is why you were now here, willing to give it a try. You had self control, right? What was the worst that could happen if you let your best friend get his hands on you, your bare back as he rubbed it with oil? You'd deal with the logistics later, now you just wanted to see exactly what your friend was offering you.

"Me? What's up?", he had begun to walk you towards his rest area, away from the mean receptionist as he continued conversation with you.

"Well, I, uh, I was thinking about your offer ..."

"Really?! You wanna do it? I can clear up my schedule! Just let me talk to Stacy real quick and-"

"Cheol!", you had to physically hold him back from walking back to the reception to rearrange his day. He seemed way too excited to help you out.

"I haven't decided yet, Cheol. I was just thinking, well, wondering if it'd be okay for me to maybe shadow you for a while or something? Just to see what it'd be like?"

To any outsider you must've sounded like an idiot, somehow worrying over something that was arguably the most relaxing experience a person could possibly have. Ironically. What people didn't understand was the effect Seungcheol could have on a person. Specially a touch-starved, heavily emotionally invested, weak individual such as yourself. Denying your crush on Seungcheol was really the only defense you had left at this point. You could admit to your fears of being touched by Cheol, chalking it up to your lack of experience at being touched in general, but you could not even admit that your crush had maybe, perhaps, possibly, creeped back up a while back. It didn't help that no one you knew was aware of your sensitive state when it came to intimate contact. This was intel you hadn't even let your best friend in on. Maybe if it had been someone else, you would've accepted the massage already. You knew it didn't have to be an intimate interaction, it was just the fact that Cheol would be doing it that made it seem that way to you. But you knew his feelings would be hurt if you denied him and went to someone else. You'd dragged it out for far too long, making such a simple thing way too complicated.

~

Cheol easily agreed to your request, seemingly excited to even have you around his workplace at all. It was cute, really. He let you know that his next booking would start in ten minutes or so, so you waited with him during his break. Despite not receiving a massage for yourself, he provided you with a robe to change into due to the humidity most of their rooms tended to have during a session.

"Are you sure it's okay that I'm here? Won't the client mind?"

"Nah. She's a regular, she tends to forget her own name five minutes in," he winked at you. Well, that was reassuring ..

The massage began soon after. The woman, probably in her early 40's, walked in, gave Seungcheol a friendly greeting and proceeded to lay down, barely even acknowledging your presence in the back of the room. Cheol gave some weak excuse of 'she's in training, just showing her the ropes' to justify your presence, earning an uninterested hum in acknowledgment from the woman before she had begun taking off her robe and gotten on the bed in preparation for her awaited session. She was't fully naked but had very thin underwear on, meaning you could practically see every detail from her back. Her face-down position gave you a perfect angle to her almost-bare ass as Seungcheol prepared the oils he had set on the table beside him. There was also some incense burning in the room, along with some steam to help with ambience.

The massage began very slowly, allowing Seungcheol to deliver very soft touches as he spread the oil around her back. He even went as far as the back of her legs and ass, reaching as far as her feet. The first few minutes simply consisted of him spreading the oil around. You hadn't known Seungcheol gave full body massages til now. Before having started the session, Cheol had told you 'Pay close attention. This is what I'll do to you when you agree.' Had he meant he'd be running his hands up and down your entire body? The thought made you shudder, almost missing the show in front of you.

His next movements were harsher, but in a clearly pleasurable way. He began to knead roughly at the woman's shoulders, making her groan at the pleasurable pain. He did this for a while, clearly having found a point of tension in that area. His thumbs focused on specific areas of tension that you were familiar with; the same areas you'd known your back had knots in. Even just seeing it made the sore parts of your back beg for release of tension. When he moved on, he targeted the upper center of her back, just below where her breasts were located on the opposite side of her body. He rubbed at the sides, sliding his hands up and down the length of her back as he massaged expertly. He continually used the extra strength of his thumbs to pressure and rub at the sore spots. He didn't even have to ask where it hurt, it seemed like he could just detect it on his own. This was clearly exerting the woman, as she moaned and sighed at the feeling of Seungcheol's hands on her. It was clearly exerting Seungcheol too, who was letting out groans from his own efforts.

You imagined yourself in her position, wanting to be the sole receiver of his touches and sounds. You felt ashamed, but the act was making your body heat up. You knew it was purely innocent, and with the purpose of relaxation, but you couldn't help yourself. You wanted to blame the humidity in the room, or maybe the cozy material of your robe, but there was only one culprit; Choi Seungcheol. You had been right to believe that his touch would be your undoing. Simply hearing him was enough to make you lightheaded. You had lost track of where the massage had went, only thinking about the man in the room now. You cursed your vivid imagination for the images it was putting in your head just at the mere sounds coming from your friend.

The massage continued for a while, eventually sending the woman into a deep slumber. Cheol kept re-applying oil to her back throughout the session, even lowering his hands all the way to knead at her ass and the back of her legs during some points. That made you extra lightheaded. Not just at the thought of Seungcheol touching you in the same way, but knowing he'd have the magic touch able to release the tension trapped all over your back. You couldn't blame the woman for the sounds she made or the way she fell asleep due to the pleasure. You could only imagine your own reaction at Seungcheol doing the same to you. Even just seeing the way he rubbed at the skin had your back aching for the same release of pressure from the tightest spots on your back.

You were still slightly affected by the time the woman had woken up and left, leaving you and Cheol alone in the room, promising Seungcheol she'd be back soon as she exited. He approached you with a smile, clearly proud of having shown you his skills in action.

"So, what did you think?"

"I, uh, you're really good, Cheol. I'm surprised."

"Surprised? I've been telling you I'm the best for months! C'mon, there's no way you don't want a massage after seeing that," he rebutted, smirking with confidence.

You remained silent for a second, pondering as to whether or not you should move forward with this. He was right. He was clearly talented at it, and he really just wanted to help. Your aching back was begging for it, and so were the other aching parts of your body. But you didn't know if you could hold back without embarrassing yourself at your best friend's hands on you in such an intimate way.

Your best friend must've taken notice of your silence, speaking up again, but in a more serious yet sympathetic manner.

"Listen. I know you can be a bit .. shy about these things. If it helps, we can just set up at my apartment? I have a massage bed there too! It would just be the two of us. C'mon, what do you say?", he gave you puppy eyes as he usually did when asking for something.

He was always hard to deny. And in this vulnerable moment, with your back begging for relief and your body aching for his touch, you weren't surprised when you found yourself muttering a 'yes' in affirmation.

A few days passed. You and Cheol ended up having to coordinate your days off. It had actually been almost a full week until you were able to see each other again, which for you meant yet another week of grueling pain you had to put up with. You were really beginning to consider putting an end to the overtime you'd been working. Maybe after the massage you could begin to work less hours in order to lessen the pain. Maybe even take Cheol up on his offer of getting a standing appointment to lessen the pain more and more and prevent it from coming back again. It was something to think about. But now you had better things to worry about. Those things taking form in the man standing on the opposite side of the door in front of you.

You had agreed on today, a Saturday night, in order for you to come to his apartment and receive the dreaded massage. Cheol had worked all day today, which made you feel a bit bad about making him basically step back into his work duties but this time at home. He reassured you it was more than fine, reasoning that you'd worked all week and he had just wanted to work around your busy schedule. You appreciated his efforts to work with you, having always known Cheol to put your comfort before anything else. Which was yet another reason why you felt badly at receiving this favor from him. To anyone else it might've just been a massage, but you knew that to Cheol this was a service he was used to getting paid for, a talent which he put effort into. You felt like both like a leech and like a source of annoyance due to this whole ordeal.

You put all your thoughts aside and knocked on the door, knowing it was now time to forget about all your worries and just let Seungcheol take care of you. He opened the door almost immediately, almost as if he'd been waiting on the other side of it, ear against the door while your internal monologue went off in your head.

"You're here!", he smiled widely at you, ushering you in.

"You invited me, Cheol. I wasn't about to ditch you."

"But you thought about it, didn't you?", he kinda had you there. You did consider it, but you knew your best friend would've tracked you down sooner or later anyways.

"Listen, I know you're nervous, but there's nothing to be nervous about! I'll take care of you. It won't be awkward, I swear," despite having never told him of your lack of experience with touch, you always assumed he had some idea of it. He didn't know the full story, though. Not about the fact that your issue with the massage was being touched by him; the former source of your desires.

"It's .. it's fine, Cheol. I'm not nervous, I promise. Just don't know what to expect, that's all."

"I'll guide you through it. I set out the massage table for you in my room. I have the oils ready too. Oh! Did you bring a bikini to change into?"

Right. Last time you spoke he had asked you to bring either a bikini or some comfortable underwear. He's said something about needing your body as nude as possible ('within your comfort zone!', he'd quickly added) in order to give you a full massage. He also said the oils he used had a tendency of staining and leaving their strong fragrance on most fabrics. It was usually spa policy to provide customers with robes and such for their sessions, but being located in his home at the moment, he'd asked you to just bring your bikini directly.

You didn't feel any type of way about this, surprisingly. Having known Seungcheol for years, he'd seen you in a bikini as many times as you'd seen him shirtless and in very tiny swim trunks. The one thing, however, was the thought of him touching your bare skin, but it was too late to back out - not that you wanted to anyways.

"Y-yeah, it's in my bag. Did you wanna start right away or ..?"

"Yeah! Go get ready and I'll start preparing the oils for you. I'll also light some incense for ambience," and with that, he left you alone in the living room so that you could change without interruption. He went into his room to prepare things, closing the door to allow you some privacy.

You had chosen your skimpiest bikini. Not for any inferior motives! But because you knew Cheol needed access to your bare skin as much as possible. Your lower lower back had been killing you lately. Even more so than your shoulders, due to sitting all day every day. So you wanted to give him room to take care of that without any clothing getting in the way. You hastily got changed, deciding that you'd already waited long enough and that it was time to get this over with.

'Are you ready?", you heard Cheol ask from his room a few minutes later.

Ok, it was time. Anyone else would've been ecstatic at the thought of their crush rubbing all over their body, or at the idea of a free full-body massage. But you were too high-strung for your own good, which only increased your anxiety over the whole thing. However, you were now here, almost in the nude, only one door away from the man who would rid you of your pain and replace it with pleasure.

You stepped into the room without verbalizing a response, immediately meeting eyes with an expectant Cheol, who was organizing his oils as he awaited your arrival. He'd outdone himself, really. He had lowered the lighting in the room, lighting a few candles and some incense in order to turn up the spa ambience. The place smelled divine, and even the temperature was perfect. You could already feel yourself getting relaxed.

"Cheol, holy shit. This is too much. You didn't have to go so out of your way. This looks like an actual spa!"

"Only the best for my best friend," he gave his gummy smile in return, eyeing you as he directed you towards the massage table that was standing in the middle of the room. "You ready?"

"Yeah," you breathed out, accepting his stretched hand as he helped position you on the table.

He laid you face down on the table, but with your head turned to the side, as to not squish your features against the flat surface, "Try not to think too much, yeah? It'll feel so good, I promise. I'm gonna get rid of all tension in your body," the way he'd said it sounded promising, almost hinting at something more.

Without much warning, he began to softly run his hands up and down your body, going from your shoulders all the way down to your calves, almost as if sizing you up in order to come up with a game plan for your massage. Even that feather-like touch had you flinching a little. You'd never been caressed like this before.

"Shit, you're very high-strung. Even more than I thought," he chuckled in response to your body's reaction to such light touch.

"Cheol ..." you whined.

"Sorry. I'll start now, okay? You're gonna feel a little warm in a second. I'm gonna oil you up so it's easier for me to massage you, yeah? I picked my favorite scented oils for you."

You were thankful for the warning, because the warmth you felt immediately after made you swoon internally. You almost moaned out loud at the feeling of his hands lightly rubbing the oil all over your body. You were already affected and he hadn't even begun. It didn't take him long to actually start, however. He began with your neck, almost wrapping his hands all around it, but not closing them in on it. His thumbs were focusing on the lower part of the back of your neck, rubbing at spots you hadn't even realized were that sore.

"You're so tense, Jesus Christ," he was right. You could feel instant relief at his touch, pressing your body further into the soft material of the cushion of the table in pure relaxation.

He rubbed that area for a while, seemingly trying to target the knots located there. He then moved onto your shoulders, beginning to rub a little harder. He began to dig his thumbs into the problem areas, going extra hard at any points of tension. With this extra strength, also came his vocalization of his efforts. His groans of exertion began to fill the room, making you feel even more lightheaded than the massage itself.

"Shit, Baby. You're so fucking tight here."

The wording itself was killing you, but the way he touched you while doing it made you melt into the table, afraid you'd begin to vocalize your pleasure through the form of moans or whines. So far you'd been able to get away with soft breaths and maybe a gasp or two. But you knew that the moment you let go, you wouldn't be able to control the way your body would react to his touch. You were slightly terrified of what would come the lower he went down your body.

Then he threw you yet another curveball.

He leaned down, halting his movements for a moment, and put his mouth a few inches from your ear, "I can feel you tensing up. It's okay, I'll take care of you. You can relax for me."

You saw that as a green light to let go, whining a tiny 'uh huh' in response as he continued his movements.

He went lower and lower, now rubbing your lower back; the area right before the slope of your ass began, but he was quickly approaching it. Every area he had touched so far, he had undone. You felt like your back had been liberated of the huge weight it had been carrying for years. You were whining and moaning at the pleasure he was giving you, and also at the feel of his hands on your body. You felt yourself get wetter by the minute, having started to feel moisture down there from the moment he began massaging you. You were ashamed, but his touch so close to your biggest point of tension was driving you insane. You wanted him to forget about the massage and just flip you over.

"Okay, baby. Now I'm gonna do your ass, okay? Trust me, I know it sounds dumb, but a lot of people carry a lot of tension here"

He was right once again. As he massaged the muscle, you felt tension you didn't even know you had finally unwind. He repositioned you a bit, asking you to lift one of your legs to the side and let it hang a bit off of the side of the table. This angle lifted up your ass a bit, and disconnected your crotch from the table. You were slightly embarrassed, knowing that if he looked through a certain angle he'd be able to see you glisten with desire for him, but you chose to ignore it and hope for the best. Cheol was already helping you so much.

He continued for a few moments, occasionally going down and rubbing lightly at the back of your thighs and calves before coming back up to your lower back and butt. But he suddenly stopped at some point. You could've sworn you heard an intake of breath.

"Hey .. I'm gonna try a special technique. Is that okay?"

You were almost completely gone in pleasure by then, eyes becoming heavier by the minute. You didn't even have to think before saying yes.

You felt him lean his body more over the table, and also a bit over the lower half of your body. He was still just massaging your lower back with one hand, while making you bend your leg a little higher than before. You weren't sure what he meant by special technique, but you were down for anything had in mind. Except you hadn't expected what he would do next.

Having bent your leg forward, he had given himself the perfect angle of your pussy from behind, deciding to let his hand slip between your legs and run his fingers lightly over your folds. You gasped at this, repositioning yourself a bit to give him even more access. He took this as a welcoming sign, starting to run his hands up and down your pussy, stopping once in a while to rub at your swollen clit.

"Baby .. You're so tense here .. Let me help you? Yeah?" He said this as he continued to increase the intensity of his movements, rubbing more and more at your clit.

"Y-yes. Fuck. Please, Cheol ..." you whined, giving him permission to do whatever he wanted to you.

You yelped at his next movements. He had shoved his fingers inside with no warning, leaning down to kiss softly at your ass while he fingered you. The speed of his fingers wasn't too fast, but it was deep and calculated, dragging across all the places you needed him most. He was right, you did feel tense there, but his movements were relaxing you like nothing else could.

"Is it working, baby? Am I making you feel good?"

You'd buried your face into one of your arms, but still managed to squeak out a "yes!" in affirmation.

"Just 'yes', baby? We can do better than that, don't you think? I think I have something to rid you of all your tension ..." you could hear the smirk in his voice as he said this, feeling him finally remove the tiny piece of fabric between your legs.

He positioned his body a little further over the lower half of the table, lowering his face to the space between your cheeks in order to get his tongue on your pussy. He began to lick and suck softly, keeping a pace similar to that of his fingers just a few seconds ago. The pleasure was blinding you, causing you to lightly grind against his face, wanting as much pleasure as you could milk out of him. He seemed to like this, as he lifted his hands and placed them on your hips, guiding your grinding against him and taking on an even better angle.

All that could be heard were the moist sounds of his tongue on your heat and your cries of pleasure. The massage had been fully forgotten. All you could think about was your best friend's tongue and the way his groans against your pussy were making you lose your mind. It seemed like this was bringing him as much satisfaction as it did you.

"Ch-Cheollie! Right there! Fuck!", he'd begun to suckle at your clit, wanting you to finally reach your high and bring you as much pleasure as imaginable.

"Cum all ove' my face baby! wann' taste that pretty pussy," his words were muffled. He seemed physically incapable of separating himself from you.

You came almost immediately, loving the vibrations of his groans against you. You fell completely limp, being rendered a shell of yourself. The whole thing had felt like an out of body experience. From the massage to the life-changing orgasm. You were convinced there was no greater pleasure than what you'd felt in the past half hour. But Seungcheol seemed to disagree, instantly pulling you towards him and sitting you on the table, your body now facing his.

He had untied your bikini top earlier into the massage, which you hadn't minded since you were facing down and away from his view anyways, but now you were grateful he had. He was making direct eye contact with your tits, almost as if pondering as to what to do with them. He seemed to reach a decision, however, and attacked them with his lips with intense fervor, licking and biting at your swollen buds. He had you moaning out in pleasure again. It was as if he'd studied your body without you knowing, being an expert in all your weak spots.

He made out with your tits for a while, making your eyes roll back at the feeling of his tongue against your sensitive nipples. When he pulled away, he instantly began undressing himself at record speed. He had just been wearing shorts and a loose top, which made the process pretty quick. Immediately after getting himself nude, he positioned you so that you could wrap your legs around his waist from your position sitting on the table. He dragged you as close to him as possible by your legs, pressing your chests together.

He looked down at you while running his hands up and down your back, which was still slightly sticky with oil. He seemed to be in a trance, just looking at you with an endeared expression in his eyes, "You're so beautiful. Your body's so ... fuck. Can't believe you've been in pain for so long, baby. When I could've been taking care of you all this time," he had began to kiss along your neck and clavicles as he said this.

"Cheollie .." you breathed out, tilting your neck to the side to allow him extra space to kiss.

"Can I take care of you, baby? Let me get rid of all your tension?", he'd started grinding his bare hips against yours, having pushed open your legs in order to allow himself to drag his dick against your cunt.

Even just the weight of his cock against you had you whining, burying your face in his neck, not knowing how to react at the stimulation. You'd already felt the most pleasure when Cheol buried his tongue in your cunt, or so you'd thought. But that did not hold a candle to the feeling of his fat head as it nudged against your folds. You began to whine and writhe against him, hands digging into his arms as he ground against you. Until he nudged your head away from his neck, wanting to face you. He halted his movements altogether and looked into your eyes for a few moments, a small smile gracing his lips. His eyes began to lower, now staring directly at your lips. Your eyes mirrored his. It was a tender moment in the midst of what had just now been a mess of grinding bodies and oil. When he finally kissed you was when you truly felt relief. No massage could have compared to the bliss you felt with your best friend's lips against your own. The softness of the kiss didn't last much, however, as the movements of his hips picked back up and the kiss began to become more moist by the second.

Cheol took advantage of your soft gasps at the feeling of his cock against your cunt to slip his tongue in your mouth, expertly massaging yours with his. This went on for a bit, allowing for Cheol to stimulate you with some kissing and dry humping, further preparing you to take him free of pain. He was a little larger in size than average, and with the very limited experience he had asserted you to have, he wanted to prevent you from feeling any pain. He had wanted tonight to be nothing but pleasure for you, knowing how badly you've been needing some relaxation, and maybe with the slight ulterior motive of finally getting with his pretty bestie.

He unglued himself from your lips, chuckling at the way you whined as your lips followed his, "Baby, I'm gonna fuck you now, yeah? Wanna see you fully relaxed. That okay?"

"Mhm. Yes, Cheollie. Do anything you want. Trust you," you mumbled in response, head filled with air as you barely caught your breath from the overload of pleasure you'd felt tonight.

With that, he began to enter you, bulbous head showing a bit of a fight in entering your tight walls. You both let out a moan of relief when he finally bottomed out, almost as if you'd both been craving this for a while. He fucked you with a passion only someone who wanted you the way you wanted him would. You'd thought you'd reached the utmost pleasure when Cheol had you cumming against his tongue, but nothing could ever compare to being full of him as he praised you through every thrust, calling you every possible adjective to describe your beauty.

"B-baby! So fucking good. So pretty for me .. Gonna fuck you all night. Gonna fuck you to sleep. All mine now," he began canting in and out of you with even more intensity now, making sure to hit that spot with every thrust.

"Cheollie!"

"I know, baby. Gonna cum for me? Gonna let me fill that pussy up, aren't you, pretty?"

It didn't take long for you to cum, already feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions at every type of pleasure Seungcheol had delivered to you tonight. He followed soon after you, yelling out your name at the tightening of your walls around him. He breathed heavily as he leaned against you for a minute or two, only then moving away from you in order to get a towel and begin to clean you up.

"Sorry .. was that too much?", he smiled sheepishly as you seemed to wince when he attempted to clean you up between your thighs.

"No! It was perfect, just ... not really used to it, that's all."

"Okay, baby. If you say so. Now let me take you to bed!", with no warning, he picked you up and brought you over to his bed, completely ignoring the mess he'd caused on his massage table after having fucked you on it. He laid you down, cocooning you into his blankets before rushing to the other side of the bed and holding you in his arms.

He turned to look at you as he cradled your body against his, "Do you feel better now? Still sore?", the question seemed genuine.

"No, Cheollie. I feel amazing. I've never felt this good before, actually."

"That good, huh? I told you I was the best! But don't worry, baby. Gonna keep your appointment every week like I promised. Gonna keep you in my bed every time you're feeling sore, yeah, baby? Don't even have to ask, I'll be waiting for you," he chuckled at himself as he said this, but being completely serious.

"Will you give me your special treatment again?," you giggled against his lips.

"That's for you and you only, baby," he replied as he closed the gap between you once more.

a/n: ok i mightve made reader a lil extra overdramatic this time but u guys have to understand. my back hurts like hell. so pls sympathize w reader bc shes lowkey my soul sister in that area 😭

[celtrist]

This was the piece that I had started before my extensive vacation (of coughing). Once again, Alastor is consistently the bane of my existence with his... well everything.

No matter! Anyway, this is something I like to call the Obsession AU. To sum it up real fast: Everyone is yandere for Alastor. I think it would just be apart of his punishment in Hell, being consistently forced into or desired in romantic/sex which he's never had much interest in. I would describe it as a dark comedy thing, but it can be as comedic or as dark as you want here. With that said, please be on guard with any mentions of darker content that treds towards a certain dead bird territory when I get a bit into how I imagine some of the characters. Again, it doesn't have to go that far if you're interested in this premise of an au and wanna focus on the more light hearted stuff, feel free.

This au is just poking a bit of fun at how everyone in the fandom wants to put Alastor in romantic situations constantly (whether it be with themselves or the other characters) despite Alastor probably being the least interested in the subject in the whole show. This is by no means a hate train or making fun of people who do enjoy shipping Alastor, it just more of a funny thing I think comes off as pretty ironic for his character and hopefully, others can enjoy that too. In this au he leans pretty much on the clear-cut side of aromantic and asexual with no interest in romantic affections at all. With that said, if you want to explore Alastor genuinely being interested in one of the other characters romantically or something similar, feel free to explore that! I can see some interesting dichotomies there. It's just within the actual "canon" of this au, he's not at all interested with that sort of thing. And just with a last final reminder to get into some character things I have in mind, some of the content mentioned does get pretty dark, particularly with Valentino but I don't think anyone's surprised there. But there might be some triggering content of the following mentioned here with characters but no crazy details really: Manipulation/Gaslighting, forced feminization, Non-con, Munchausen syndrome, Poisoning, Possessive, Drugging, Love bombing And I will be sure to give a quick warning to each character it might apply to, please feel free to let me know if I missed anything!

Rosie (Munchausen syndrome, Poisoning): Rosie has 100% poisoned Alastor before to make sure he relies on her. They started off as good friends but at some point Alastor began getting ill and Rosie offered to take care of him. This leads to Alastor staying in bed for full days, only really seeing Rosie who took care of his every need from food, clothing, washing, and so on. At some point, Alastor caught on that Rosie was putting something in his food to make him sick and he managed to escape with their friendship tarnished much to his dismay. He's often uneasy around Rosie but is upfront about his knowledge of Rosie's deeds. Rosie, in turn, acts like it is a lighthearted situation and often offers Alastor over for lunch, which he often denies. Any food he gets at his doorstep from a secret admirer or a lunchbox he finds at his seat in an overlord meeting goes straight into the trash. Alastor will still use Rosie's assets to his benefit of course, but is always careful as to what she might try to get in exchange. He has had more awkward lunches with her with his homemade meal versus the buffet she catered for the occasion, with the two gossiping like old times. Alastor is still uneasy during these times, but he also revels in the false pleasantries due to not having many others he's able to associate himself with due to the curse.

Lucifer (Controlling, Possessive, Manipulation): So I'm not 100% clear how I wanted to approach Lucifer. He and Charlie are probably the most similar I suppose? He wants Alastor as his queen (either alongside him and Lilith or only with him, he doesn't mind either way). He doesn't force him into dresses or anything, but Lucifer does consistently make doting moves and talks about how Alastor would make a good father to their children. Marriage is one of the mind and Lucifer probably gets a bit possessive with him. He also tries to guilt trip Alastor a lot, or manipulate situations in one of their arguments to get Alastor to say something he doesn't mean.

Charlie (Controlling, Possessive): Probably the most tame of everyone quite honestly. Charlie can be a bit controlling but does step off when Alastor expresses his dislike of her doing so, even if it takes a couple times. She likes doing things for him, is super affectionate, and daydreams about her, Vaggie, and Alastor all getting married. She can get pretty possessive with him, not being pleased when anybody does anything against Alastor's will or hurt him. The only exception to this rule is Vaggie, to which Charlie sees it like two cats getting along and finds it very endearing.

Vaggie (Forced Feminization, Controlling, Murder): Depending on how you look at it, Vaggie's one of the more fucked up obsessions or one of the more funnier ones. Because she's automatically inclined to like Alastor quite a bit with the curse thing but her personality doesn't jive with his for her own taste (in terms of their first meeting), she both hates and loves the guy. She's obsessed with trying to murder Alastor with traps around the hotel or outright standing over him with her spear. The hatred comes primarily from not wanting to feel the way she does about him, I guess like a fucked up tsundere if you wanna go that route. At the same token, however, she does want Alastor to be involved with both her and Charlie romantically. There's just one little problem: Vaggie has about the same amount of interest in men as she does in canon. So to sort of "fix" Alastor, she consistently tries to force him to be more feminine in clothing, offering different feminine names, and even trying to force him to get a sex change. Alastor is pretty slippery though, so it never quite works out in Vaggie's favor aside from the occasional dress or skirt being worn, which solidifies her attraction to him. Then he takes it off and looks more like a man again, and it solidifies her frustration/hatred for him.

Angel Dust (Drugging): To start, while I think Angel would love to have sex with Alastor, he 100% would not force it. Wouldn't even do touches or anything. Potentially he could just like as a coping (to be in a situation where HE'S the one in control), but that is a darker route that I don't think will be exactly true for this AU. However, he very much enjoys drugging Alastor similar to Rosie. Not only just as a bonding thing since Angel would also do the drugs WITH him, but just to get the not-quite-lucid compliments from Alastor and maybe a snuggle then and there. He wants to dote on Alastor with him drugged out in his bed saying nice things to Angel. Admittedly this one's a bit of a workshop as I just knew I didn't want Angel to be focused on sex like somebody, but wasn't sure what to do here.

Valentino(Non-con, LoveBombing): I mean... it is Valentino, what did you THINK he'd be trying to do with Alastor? There's really not much to say here, Valentino essentially tries pulling all the stops trying to get Alastor in bed while also love-bombing the hell out of him. Which really doesn't work. Valentino is pretty open with sharing Alastor, but again, does this surprise anyone? As long as he's participating in some way, he really doesn't mind.

Vox (ALL warnings): Pretty much the worst version of himself that people make him be sometimes for those darker stories in the fandom. While more interested in having an enthusiastic partner, I don't think Vox would be opposed to forcing himself onto Alastor. He consistently tries to manipulate and gaslight, while enjoying both the suffering and pleasure of Alastor. Much like Vaggie, Vox is obsessed both being in love with Alastor while also downright hating him to the core. He's possessive and likes the idea of being both sweet and heinous with Alastor. He pretty much is every other character wrapped up in one fucked up TV man. Vox acts the most well-adjusted of the characters here, but he's probably got the obsession the worst.

And of course, pretty much every other conceivable ship is up for grabs here. I did think about maybe unfallen angels are able to resist the obsession curse, which would possibly make a funny team-up of Alastor, Adam, Lute, and Emily. Alternatively, I thought maybe the other canonically asexual characters in the show wouldn't be affected instead, meaning another oddball team-up of Alastor, Octavia, and Mammon. Then there is of course the "nope, there's no escape for deer man". Not sure yet, maybe I'll workshop it. I have more normal things in the works rather than this messed up little au, but darker content is a guilty pleasure of mine.

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Man, in Halsins confession he is SO "I follow my heart wherever it goes, I go wherever nature wills me. Before we start anything you must know I don't want to take you away from anyone else, I don't want to stop you from being with other people or going wherever you go and you cannot stop me from being what I am"

So the very good communication, clear statement: I want a non exclusive connection with you where we share our bodies together but don't try to control each other's paths/decisions/relationships

And its like oh! That's cool. You're straight up, and this sounds like just a physical addition to our friendship, no strings attached, alright. He WAS clear that he sees love and sex as different (I've had many lovers but my heart does not stir easily, it stirs now) so he IS clear he has real feelings but it's presented fairly casually? And very like 'no big deal if you don't feel the same!"

But then you sleep with him.

And oh my GOSH I can't be the only one who saw that man fall HEAD OVER HEELS IMMEDIATELY. And be like, super insecure about it as well as super upfront? The dichotomy is intense!

He NEVER assumes you're going to choose him or want to be around him any more than usual, and seems genuinely grateful and surprised every time you do. It's like he was setting himself up to be a side piece whether you were in a relationship with someone else or not when this started BUT

He ALSO is very very open about his feelings. "My heart. My love. I was lost until you pulled back the veil." And many many more deeply, deeply felt words. He's in love, AND he kind of assumes this whole thing is temporary.

I say that because of his ending. He says he's leaving, and he's clear the way he was in the beginning - no matter his feelings, he goes where nature wills. So there's consistency there. But he is GENUINELY surprised and DELIGHTED if you say you want to come with him.

My analysis is that he never once let himself believe that he COULD have something more with the PC. He never changes who he is, he's always upfront- if he wants to take another lover at Sharess Caress or bang a friend he has that right and he genuinely wants the PC to do the same if that's what they want too, he doesn't want to get in the way and he doesn't want anyone getting in his way. But. But

His heart does not stir lightly. And it does now

I don't think he's fallen in LOVE in a long time, and he can't believe he's going to commitment from a partner, he thinks he's just going to get a taste of you before you move on.

Being Polyamorous doesn't mean not having dedicated partners, it means not trying to stop your partner from doing what they want. It means being free to sleep with others, and to not stop your partner from leaving if they choose to go elsewhere. The way he words it in the beginning sounds like he means " if passions fade you move on, you follow your heart where it leads"

He just never expects YOUR heart to lead to him

And when it does, he is so, so surprised and grateful and lucky and honored.

He's such a complex character and so different from how I've seen romances shown in video games, movies, books so far I really like him.

[insidejiaqi]

Sex for grades (kind of)

was not particularly the smartest girl in school in university. so i had to do what it takes to graduate

————————————

i studied computer science in university. looking back, probably not the best choice for a dumb bitch like me. chose it cuz my friends chose it too. and the bunch of nerds around me were just not it. creeps everywhere.

in my first sem, there was this particular project based mod and i could not understand anything the prof was saying. whats worse was my coding skills were close to non existent and my group mates were all experienced code monkeys.

i could tell my project mates were slowly getting fed up with me. they would assign me tasks that i would take so long to complete they end up just doing it for me. but i do try okayyyyy.

one night i was determined to contribute something. so i stayed late in school to work on one of the tasks assigned to me. i convinced one of my project mates to stay with me. he was the kind of an awkward looking nerd that wears specs. the only woman he ever talked to was probably his mom.

while i was trying to do my task, i would consistently rant out loud about how hard it is and why i keep getting errors. he heard me and came to sit beside me to explain the problems i had.

i leaned in to point at my laptop screen, acting like i was listening and got my boobs caressing his arm intentionally. i know he felt it as he suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. i could see his bulge starting to form. he carried on explaining the issues with my code but i wasnt even listening.

tbh, the plan was never for me to actually finish it. i just dont want to get complained for not contributing :)

"how about i do this and you do this for me?" i stretched out my arm to grab the big bulge in his pants.

he gave me the blank stare.

"come on, you do what youre good at, and i do what im good at. no one suffers"

"errrr"

i got on my knees under the table and started undoing his pants. it was just us there. i pulled out his dick and to my surprise, it was about 5 inches. for a nerd like him, his dick size was surprising.

"stop looking and keep typing"

he immediately looked up and continued working on my task.

I slowly pulled back his forskin to expose the dickhead and my warm saliva drip down on his sensitive virgin dick. he involuntarily moaned and squirmed as i started stroking, coating his dick with my saliva.

"fuck jiaqi, your hands feel amazing!"

"shhhh. less talking, more typing"

I leaned in to lick the head as i continued stoking. he kept moaning and the typing did not stop. without warning, his hands came under the table and forced my mouth into his dick.

"ohh fuck yesss jiaqii. i always imagined you as a naughty dumb slut. jerking off to your pictures when we were first grouped together. never thought it could be real. and now fucking your mouth feels 1000 times better. fuckkkk"

he held my head down for a good 10 seconds while he exposes dirtiest fantasies to me.

"now get up and let me fuck you over the table" he pulled me up by my hair and bent me over bent me over the table. he lifted my skirt and saw that i was not wearing any panties.

"wow seems like this was you end goal since the beginning huh. wanting that pussy filled quickly so you didnt wear panties?"

"nuuu..." he jabbed his dick into me before i could reply and started thrusting in and out.

"fuck you little dumb slut. its okay. i will do your homework for you if you continue being a good little cock sleeve. now call me daddy"

"yes daddyy... fuckkkkkk ughhh"

the thrusting continued as he added a few loud spanks on my ass as if it was not a public place. he was still an inexperienced nerd and just 2mins later he pulled out and shot his ropes on my ass and sat back down on the chair panting.

"heheh how does it feel to lose your virginity?"

"tiring... how was it for you?"

"heheh here is lesson 2. dont ask a girl that."

he was still trying to catch his breath while i started packing my bag.

"now get that task done for me alright? its due tomorrow", i whispered in his ear before leaving.

"yea sure dont worry about it."

I went home and when i arrived home, i got a text containing all the files required to complete the task.

from then on, he helped me do my work for the rest of the sem and i got an A. heheh

————————————

Appreciate yall for reading my sexual recounts. Writing it gets me turned on as well. If you liked it, do give it a like and reblog!

Follow me on twitter at @jiaqi2602 for short snippets and uncensored content.

Till next time!

[absolutebl]

Mirror mirror on the wall,who are the top 5 greenest flags of them all?

ooof, this is more @heretherebedork than my cuppa but lemme see

you didn't specify seme or country so that makes my life easier, because bettcha can't guess who's gonna top this list

My Top 5 Greenest Flags in BL!

Noh from Love Sick

Look, he's just like the Nicest Little Dude. He's loyal and kind and good to his friends, and tries really hard to communicate the truth and be honest about his feelings even when he's a crazy hormonal teen and doesn't understand his own or anyone else's. Noh is not just any green flag he's a teenager green flag. That never happens.

Xun An from My Tooth You Love

He is so damn sweet and thoughtful and he tries so hard to protect everyone (except himself). But it's that moment in the car where he finally understands the extent of his baby's psychological issues that we all got to meet The Real Deal. Because what does he do? OMG he actually recommends Bai Lang seek professional help, from an actual therapist! Like that's THE MOMENT. The biggest green flag balls we have ever seen in a BL. Ever. I will brook no discussion on this matter.

Plustor from Destiny Seeker

Bite me. I know you haven't seen this. How do I know? No one has seen this show. Such a shame. Plustor is 1/2 of the 3rd-string couple, the crumbs, the freshmen babies. Most of the drama is with the 2 older pairs, but these boys are GREAT. One of them is out gay (with his shit together) who hooks up with hot jock CHAOS bisexual and we all think we know where it's going (because when does the chaos bi have his shit together and not act like a predator slut? - yes I AM looking at you, Mame). Except, Plustor fucking TOTALLY has his shit together! He researches gay sex and how to do it right, he asks his new bf questions, he communicates his self-confidence issues over never having been with a dude before. He talks. They talk. As a result these kids spend most of the show annoyed by the unnecessary drama of their piers who do NOT have their shit together and being the best bfs ever.

Mork from My Ride

What, you surprised? Mork goes through an entire identity crisis and manages NOT to drag anyone else into his drama. He keeps his life together, takes care of his family, asks his gay uncles for advice, realizes he is in love. He does not force that love on his beloved. Instead he stays in the side lines, tries to be a good supportive friend to the object of his affection, and a consistently chooses the path of decent human being. He's careful and kind and communicative when he eventually does make his move. Stand up dude! Adorable dimple! We likie.

Yak from Wandee Goodday

I feel like I have to include someone from this year because Green Flag Semes are such a 2024 trend. For me, it just had to be Yak. He such a great communicator and he just defines the GGG (good, giving, game) attitude that one wants in a sexual partner. I gotta say, it's actually not uncommon to have better sexual communication with a play partner or a fuck buddy than within a relationship. It was nice to see that portrayed on our screens in a BL. Whatcha know, mature characters being mature and shizz. Insanity.

I have to say, if you had given me 6, Alan from Pit Babe would have also made this list.

Others I Thought About

Seryou (Seven Days)

Kakeru (I Cannot Reach You)

Ida (My Love Mix Up)

Kyosuke (Sugar Dog Life) - does cluelessness count?

Kazuma (Tokyo in April)

Both in Some More

Qizhang (About Youth)

Sato (See You After Quarantine?)

Tatch (2 Moons 3)

X (21 Days Theory)

King (Bed Friend)

Khun (Brothers)

Karan (Cherry Magic)

Fueangnakhon (City of Stars)

Gun (Tossera)

Ram (La Cuisine)

Ae (Love By Chance) - I'm WELL AWARE I'm picking a Mame character

God (Monster Next Door)

Li (Moonlight Chicken)

Sun (Sunset X Vibes)

Latte (Knock Knock Boys)

Moo (Only Boo!)

Rome (Puppy Honey)

Alan (Pit Babe)

Touch, Sky (Secret Crush on You)

Na (Tonhon Chonlatee)

Tan (We Are)

San (You're My Sky)

Oh should I define what green flag means to me?

respectful: no dubious consent, takes no for an answer and stops, alcohol is not an excuse,

honest: depicted demonstrating good communication - verbal, emotional, physical

safe: practices safe sex

decent: no violations (emotional, ethical, moral, sexual, cultural, or ya know legal) like breaking into his fucking hotel room

dependable: I'd be fine if my nibbling were trapped in an elevator with him

kind: forthright and not inclined to be manipulative

(source)

[dragonagitator]

What do all y'all think about headcanoning that Dr. Allison Cameron on House MD has borderline personality disorder?

It's not a perfect fit, but there's currently no good in-universe explanation as to why she behaved so inconsistently from episode to episode, including straight-up contradicting herself on numerous occasions. (The IRL explanation is that she was written inconsistently because her role in the show was to merely act as a foil for the other characters instead of being a fully developed character.)

DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder, with the symptoms Cameron exhibited on the show bolded:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

That's only 4 and you need 5 for a diagnosis, but we don't really know what was going on inside her head so it's entirely plausible that she could have been experiencing #1 and #9 and just never disclosed it to anyone.

I ask not because I enjoy diagnosing fictional characters for shits and giggles but because I'm writing a House MD fanfic and I have absolutely no idea how to write Cameron. How do you write consistent, believable characterization for someone who didn't even have that in canon?

I do, however, have plenty of IRL experience with friends and exes who have BPD, as well as with briefly being misdiagnosed with it myself before a more competent psychiatrist changed my diagnosis to CPTSD instead. So I've done enough reading on the topic that I'm confident I could believably write a character with BPD.

In the show, it seems like Chase was a stabilizing influence on Cameron, but they will never get together in my isekai fanfic because my author-self-insert OFC will steer Chase away from Cameron long before she has the chance to sink her claws into my precious baby boy.

So, one of the potential unintended consequences of the OFC changing canon could be that Cameron is much more emotionally unstable now. An unattached Cameron would probably also be much more relentless in her pursuit of House, which creates a nice obstacle for the House/OFC slow burn that will be the central ship of my story.

Meanwhile, one of the central themes of my story will be how quickly things can go completely off the rails when you think you can predict the future. The OFC being unpleasantly surprised to discover that the tradeoff of making Chase's and House's lives better is that Cameron's life is now significantly worse would fit into that theme well.

If you're a Cameron fan, what are your thoughts on writing her as if she has BPD? Especially if it was done purposely, instead of how she was inadvertently written that way on the show.

[fritzes]

some disorganized thoughts about challengers (some spoilers):

so I already talked about this but good god, mike faist's backhand was literally just domi's and yes I was insane about it the entire time

"challengers is a poorly disguised fedal fanfic" wrong. challengers is a poorly disguised rafole fanfic

like, the friends who are idealistically staring out on tour growing distant from each other? come on

every tennis scene felt like a sex scene which was the point, but I just feel the need to point that out because they executed it SO well

if art donaldson was a real tennis player I just know I'd be obsessed with him

all three lead performances were great. zendaya stole the show, which did not surprise me, but the guys were amazing too!

a decent chunk of the movie took place at the 2006 us open and andy roddick's face was EVERYWHERE. he was also on a poster at the atlanta open and I think cincy too? some other player posters I saw were andy murray, roger (for a very brief second), agassi, and isner

the product placement was hilarious. during one scene they lingered on some on shoes for a solid two minutes

the injury scene. oh my god. absolutely gut wrenching. the sound effect sounded so real and zendaya's scream and reaction... damn. damn. good shit

the actual challenger final was hilarious because they could not keep track of who was serving. at 5-5 in the third set mike faist was serving and then again at 5-5 in the third set josh o'conner was serving and then mike faist was serving at 6-5 and then what do you know josh o'conner was serving at 5-6. it was like that for the whole movie, the actual scoreline was consistent but the server kept switching. mike faist was up an early break in the third when josh o'conner got a game penalty but in the next scene it was on serve and the scoreline hadn't changed

tennis-wise, that was the only thing that really bothered me, obviously the form and point construction wasn't going to be perfect and I think they used the tennis scenes really well as symbols for the relationships

there were some scenes where I was like "oh yeah I've definitely read this in a fic"

the underarm serve. I had to stop myself from cackling. it was the worst underarm serve I have EVER seen, it bounced basically on the service line (of course the whole point was that the other guy was throwing the point but still). it screamed stefaniil and I loved it

the last point was insane. I'm obsessed

zendaya's "come on!" and the explanation and then the callback at the end was absolutely perfect, hats off to the writer because that got me like "ooh"

the slo-mo in the last scene was killing me because I had to pee SO BAD (the theater played like eight fucking trailers it was insane) so I probably didn't appreciate the ending enough oops

[prospectivehero]

VICTOR AND NORA, A GOTHAM LOVE STORY- Written by Lauren Myracle, Illustrated by Isaac Goodhart

Confession time: I'm terrible with names (real life and fictional). Even with my associate's degree in Batmanology, my poor name recognition missed the significance of Victor Fries, a resident of the city of Gotham. When the part of my brain that doesn't require caffeine to function decided to look up some familiar names when I was halfway through the novel, I was heartbroken. Would it have been better for me to be surprised by the ending, I wasn't sure, but I didn't think I could expect a happy ending from "a gotham love story."

This is a rough read. Much like Constantine and Miracle Man, it's not something to read when you're in a bad headspace. I'll talk more about it in the trigger warnings, but this story focuses on death and dying. Victor is burdened by a loved one's death in his past, which he feels at fault for. He has become cold to the people around him and feels safe studying cryogenics in solitude. Nora only sees death in her future due to an incurable progressive disease that will slowly deteriorate her functionality, personality, and treasured memories before it kills her. But she refuses to let this illness take anything valuable from her, so she has decided to plan her suicide and leave this world as herself. But she's given herself time to make more memories with a boy she met in a cemetery.

I was not in a good headspace reading this comic. I won't go into full detail, just know that I was having several identity crises overlapping one another. I'm in a better headspace now that I've figured some stuff out, but during that experience, these very well-developed characters hit especially hard. Nora's relationship to her illness and battle with its ever-increasing presence felt relatable since I battle a progressive disability. The two are not the same, but I understood her desire not to tell any of her friends so they wouldn't have to watch her suffer and degrade. When she tells Victor, I relate to his desperation to keep her with him since she makes him feel alive and loved.

If you recognized the names you probably could figure out where the story is going but it's worth the read. The story feels very personal. The illustrations, by Jason Goodhart, consistently match the feeling of Lauren Myracle's story and none of the beautiful character designs distract from the weight of everything that happens. There were breaks in the story that reference other artists or stories like Tim Burton or Titanic (1997) to serve the story. I think these breaks flowed well, but I could understand if it's not everyone's cup of Mountain Dew. This is my new second favorite graphic novel, despite how I reacted to it while reading it. I highly recommend picking it up.

TRIGGER WARNINGS (with potential spoilers) -

1) Death - Victor frequently remembers the fire that he accidentally started as a child that destroyed the family house and took the life of his older brother, Otto Freeze.

2) Planned and Attempted Suicide - Nora reasons that this is the only way she can die as herself, so she sets a date and a means and writes a letter to her father. She is stopped before she can complete her plan. Her note is read at the end of the novel.

3) Secondary Mourning - This comic gives time and space to mourn with the characters as they mourn their past and future. We see how Nora views her illness and how Victor views himself. It was a unique experience, being given an opening to grieve in moments that may feel very familiar to many of us, but it can be painful if you're not ready to feel those feelings.

4) Sex (Consentual) - It is as PG-13 and fade-to-black as a sex scene could possibly get, but it doesn't hide the fact that it happened.

5) Language - Much like Constantine, I tuned it out, which means I had to skim through the novel. I saw rare uses of language to the tune of "s***".

[goose3gg]

Veronica Mars: A blog as I watch the film post seasons 1-3 *Spoilers*

No way veronica is with Piz is the first thing I have to say. It is majorly alluding to never escaped a small town, but the intro was incredibly endearing. Veronica and her dad’s relationship has always been my favorite in the show. The reunion is very adorable and raw, awkward, and clunky just like real life. Being in my early I current live in rabid fear of my ten-year high school reunion, but this movie captures the habits you fall into when you reunite with old friends. The movie knows what its viewers are expecting, and even throw in a few extra stars amongst the fully returned cast, including Mac, Dick, and Wallace. I love that the film is reflecting on the youthful days of high school with love and longing, but not returning to them. Choosing a more mature color palette and camera angles is doing everything it hoped for it, and it looks great on Kristen Bell and how she’s perfectly stepping back into the role. Still, I was hoping that Logan would have grown up and stopped messing around, yet it makes perfect sense he was always still just holding himself together, after everything he’s been through. It is odd to me that Mac took a job at Kane software, but only being in the exposition I’m assuming it’ll be a key element to proving Logan’s innocence. Veronica just slipped on her leather jacket and has declared this her “farewell tour.” It is classic Veronica to end up in her suspects apartment under false pretenses, and to eventually get arrested… and bailed out by an old ‘friend’ who wants to blackmail her. Logan and Veronica’s chemistry is palpable even after all these years, and Logan’s sarcasm [and Veronica’s] has grown charming with age. Wow… I can’t believe Madison is here… my least favorite character. I love the interesting awkward interaction with Gia, and adorable one with Weevil. I adore Weevil’s growth and excitement to show off his new life to Veronica. I am surprised that Veronica’s sex tape continues to be used against her and brought up time and time again, as that literally is revenge porn, yet not surprising Madison is using it against her. This ending in a fight I saw, but not Veronica punching Madison in the face. It is satisfying seeing the growth in the gathering of evidence, especially because rather than gossip it’s translated to reflecting on memories. The film truly sat down and thought “where would these characters be in ten years.” I am insanely shocked Weevil got shot by Celeste Kane scared, in her broken down car. I love the choice to make this film as the consistent storylines that stack is crucial to the Veronica Mars feel, especially the original first season, as the overlapping storylines make the mystery solving satisfying. The fun cameos keep returning! I am endeared that Max Greenfield returned for this film! He is adoring, and the call backs to the TV show are short and sweet. Unfortunately, I do think the show had to choose to write off the original Sheriff Lamb for allegedly ‘ego’ reasons, I wish they had him around for this movie, because the call backs don’t work as well with a new sheriff who hates the Mars for no reason. I continue to be shocked by the cameos in this movie, or not so cameo by James Franco and Sue Heck, or Eden Rebecca Sher. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many original cast members return to a movie before since the High School Musical movie series, including Vinny. Veronica ditching Piz’s family, to me, is exactly why they shouldn’t have been together for this long, but I suppose as Veronica missed her job opportunity the point is that she’s over dedicated to this case. I don’t know if she’s truly overcommitted to this case, or if she just wants justice. I’m unshocked that the plot is surfacing to be a corrupt cop plotline, but shocked that Mr. Mars and the uncorrupt cop were in a continuous hit and run! This movie keeps me guessing. Part of me feels like it’s the big bubble of Neptune that was waiting to burst or could be the CW’s effect on drama shows. Logan never stops being adorably caring exactly when he needs to be, but I am tired of them reuniting with a passionate kiss… although classic and would have preferred Artic Monkeys instead of the Hozier-esque music they chose, and since when is the movie more PG than the show?! The relationships are always so obviously painted in front of us, Cobb and Gia I saw coming from a mile away. I also can’t believe that [Congressmen Boyfriend] is now listening to Veronica and Gia’s conversation… this could go in all directions. I am ultimately disappointed the ‘friend died at a bad party situation’ of the high school reunion but appreciate the blackmail storyline… cannot believe Gia got shot!! [Currently terrified while Cobb...? searches for Veronica] Ending on the news stories and Veronica asleep at her dad’s bedside, and of course on how days separated between Veronica and Logan don’t mater. “Come back to me” Veronica says. “Always” Logan replies. Absolutely adorable. Although I don’t necessarily agree that Veronica Mars returning to Neptune to solve crimes is her getting back to the ring that she always needed to be in, but I understand this all was a big promotion for the return of the television show, the fourth season that is. I am dying to read the Veronica Mars novels; I enjoyed the pacing and quick wit/self-awareness the show plays into. I originally started the show because I saw some clips on Tik Tok, and noticed how many rising stars were in the original cut of the show. Now to begrudgingly watch the fourth season, although I haven’t heard amazing things. Thank you, Veronica Mars, for all you’ve granted me and I look forward to the rewatch.

[dolphs-world]

Too much faith in above

Friends is a generic but decent show. And it is probably the best generic show. I have only watched a handful of episodes from the first 2 seasons but if I remember correctly there are only a handful of plotlines, we were on a break, Joey and Rachel, Ross and Emily, basically just how drawn out Ross and Rachel's stuff was, that are bad. Hell, I caught some season 10 episodes on reruns and I was actually belly laughing! And I've seen this show like 20 times thanks to my sister. It's consistent and that's the draw. So I've heard people criticise Jerry Seinfeld's acting in Seinfeld but it's never bothered me. Everyone is much better, I can admit, but he gets the job done. In Friends, everyone feels like they are just playing themselves. Which brings up a thought my mother and I had, what makes a good actor? Tom Cruise is very good at playing one type of character, he feels authentic and genuine. But contrast this with Edward Norton, a guy who every role of his feels different. Even if Tom Cruise is better at one role than Norton is at all, Norton is still the better actor. Even with this in mind, the actors in Friends suck. Anytime a guest is on the show I am floored by how much better at acting and more convincing they are as character's with significantly less screen time. You wanna know what the best scene is in all of Friends? When Robin Williams and Billy Crystal appear for a cold opening! They're semi-competent but it just surprises me that Jennifer Aniston famous from that. She's the worst one! And honestly I'm surprised, I know Lisa Kudrow is a good actor. She's definitely a league above the rest but she too defaults to the same mannerisms. Except for David Schwimmer, he is a great actor. I know Ross gets worse in his beliefs as the show goes on and turns into a bit of a butt monkey but he is the best actor. Maybe he should have been Jerry in Seinfeld? Now watching a show from 30 years ago, where $1 then = $2 now, about a bunch of people who seldom work, it's dated to say the least. Again, honestly Ross, at this point, is probably the best when it comes to this. He's proud that Joey is able to take financial gambles when he cannot and gives away his ex-wife to her new one. But there's no consequences. Like anytime they lose a job there's always a back up. And when the back-up sucks it doesn't make sense that they don't help each other out. There's an episode where half of them are mad that the other half don't realise that they make less money and when the richer ones help out they deem it charity. You're not Walter White, swallow your pride! Do you know how lucky you are? (sidenote: Susan, the woman who "stole" Carol from Ross is the one who offers money to Walter White in Breaking Bad). I think an ultra left class critical analysis of these old shows is a bit of a waste but it's really hard not too. I think this aspect of the show is worse than any of transphobia. They're always talking about sex but money? No no no, that might be to real. No, let's focus on how women like commitment and men don't. Yay! That's another thing the show does, it really props up the whole women are from venus and men are from mars. Again, it's hard not to be critical when analysing how this may have shaped norms at the time. But I think the gay jokes are still funny, mainly due to the ignorance of the characters. And again, they had a Lesbian couple as supporting characters. Joey is very comfortable in his sexuality and it may be because he is Italian but it is still great to see! Also Rachel to the man who she thinks is Chandler's dad, a drag queen. "What's your name?" "Amanda" "Oh! I Get it! A-man-duh!" But the worst part of the show is how repetitive it is. I always thought Chandler was the funny one but it's really Joey, Phoebe, and Ross. He's on Family Guy levels of one-liners. If there's any take away from this post is do not binge watch TV! Appreciate it before it's gone forever!!!

[bisexualboyinterrupted]

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Prologue

Storm came and rain came pouring down along with it. I danced under the rain. I was carefree. I was living in the moment. But like all storms that come and go, so did Storm. And like all storms, if you do not leave while the flood rises, you will drown. And if you did not drown, it will leave you devastated. I did not leave. He left. And I was left broken.

After my break up with Storm, I went on a four month bender. I partied hard. I got drunk. I had lots of sex and contracted STDs. Because I believe that sex is the best way to recover. I know no other ways to cope. All I know is how to self-destruct. Must be the Borderline Personality Disorder. 

On the outside I was living the moment. I was fucking game. But on the inside, I was a complete mess. I looked for Storm in every man I slept with and every man I dated. Self-destruction, my only way to live. And it did not help seeing Storm happy with JC, the guy he left me for. It felt unfair. Unfair that JC got the version of Storm that I have always wanted: the one who commits, the one who comes through, the one who loves. Storm got his happily ever after. Why not me? I hate depression.

Antidepressants should keep you “anti-depressed”. But it just made me feel nothing. I felt like nothing. My room was a mess. My mind was a mess. I was a mess. And no amount of boys, partying, meaningless sex, drugs, and alcohol made me feel anything. I have this void inside of me that cannot be filled. 

I wanted to feel something. Until one day, I did. And it all started with that one notification: “Jaedehn Leih replied to your story”

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I was on a four month bender. I was not looking for anything serious. I was afraid. I was afraid of getting hurt again after getting attached. But deep down, I am manifesting true love. I am craving for true love. I want unconditional love. Real love. Cannot-live-without each other type of love.

Everyone I met bored me. Everyone I met was a quick-fix. Everyone I met was just a projection of me chasing after something that could make me feel something. But alas, no one came close. No one was consistent enough. I was just like what I was projecting onto them: a quick-fix for something. 

I post thirst-traps because what better way to get a quick fuck than to post one? My therapists would have scolded me if I was honest with them. But again, I always go back to my self-destructive behaviors. I wanted validation, even if I get sexualized in the process - which I still resent up to this day, but it’s a quick-fix. After? I feel nothing again. 

But one day, someone replied to one. Jaedehn Leih Navarro. They added me a few days back. I saw a lot of mutuals, and I don’t mind accepting friend requests. An opportunity to grow my circle and meet new people. 

A reply to my thirst traps is something I do entertain but I just brush off afterwards. Because it was a reply to a quick-fix. But this one kept the conversation going. The conversation was sexual, as predicted. So I considered them just one of those other boys: someone who wants to fuck. But I felt something. 

I felt something. And then I felt more. As the conversation progressed, I started to feel more. And when it stopped. I felt nothing. I did not expect another conversation. Until I got more messages from them.

After that reply, they continued to initiate conversations with me. Every story I make, they will react to it, reply to it… even the most mundane ones. They were consistent. I was aghast. I was taken aback. And what more, I was perplexed. But then again, I thought, “this person just wants me physically.”

I am used to it. Guys just want me physically. Physical attraction is the worst for me. Oh how I loathe it. I want someone who will like me for me. Not because I look good. Don’t call me beautiful. Call me artistic, talented, intelligent. It felt ingenuine. It felt conditional. So I was surprised with how they showed interest in my most mundane things.

“I have a mole in the middle of my chest. And the mole has a mole.” They kept talking to me. And I learned a couple of things about them. I learned they use they/them pronouns as they were nonbinary. They were 19. Young. Too young for me. But then again, I did not mind then because it was new and I started feeling again. They liked making playlists which I liked because I did the same. We listened to the same type of songs, which did not come as a shocker. I have a very diverse taste in music. But what shocked me was them liking Radiohead. 

They were 19. They were not born yet when Radiohead started. And most people like Coldplay more than Radiohead (I still strongly believe that Radiohead would have been as mainstream as Coldplay if the lead of Radiohead was as conventionally attractive as Coldplay’s - because that is what the real world is, physical attributes). And that’s what I liked about them. Because if they like Radiohead, they like substance. They see beyond the superficial.

Later on I learned that they did drag. I was just about to start my drag career then. I still remember the conversation vividly in my mind. We started talking about drag since I saw that we have a lot of mutual friends on Facebook who are drag artists themselves. They showed me their pictures of them in drag, and then it hit me. I saw them before. 

It was October of 2022. It was the monthly Drag Cartel competition at Nectar. I haven’t been in a long time but I went there to support a friend who I was crushing on. I made a promise to go support so I did. I initially wanted to go with Storm but he had other plans with other men. October was the beginning of the end of our relationship. 

So Drag Cartel. I was there. I saw everything. I met new people. But what I remembered was this cute drag artist who had their wig fall mid song. They still slayed though. The lip sync song was “I Put A Spell On You”. They were good. They were amazing. I could not keep my eyes off of them. But their music changed. And they were not able to proceed to the next round.

Later that night, I asked around who that queen was. “Starlett Hark”. I remembered the name because it reminded me of Scarlet Heart. 

“Are you Starlett Hark?” I asked. Because I saw the pictures I was reminded of the face. Then I proceeded to go to their profile. I started looking at pictures and everything. I really liked how they painted their face. And such a young age to be that good already. I was (and still is) a fan.

“How did you know?” they asked. And then they proceeded to tell me everything about their experiences in drag. How they started and where they were currently at. They told me about the queens they met and how their name came to be. I could listen to their stories all day. 

I told them about my interest in doing drag. So I told them I registered myself for the April competition. They were the first to tell me I got in. I remember the message “Baby! We got in!”. I thought it was cute. But I was afraid, because they were becoming attached. Then again, I cannot wait to see them. So I kept it cool. 

We continued talking almost every single day at this point. I told them about my plans for my look. I showed them the look I was working on. And then later that day, I made a story about me cutting my hair. They replied of course “you did not”. I showed them my haircut I gave myself. They told me they cut their hair too. There was one time they cut their hair and it started to look like a bowl. So cute. 

“I cannot wait to see you if I am being honest.” I told them. “You’ll see me in my party city wig.” I joked. It was fun. It was light. And I hate to admit it then but I was starting to like them. Maybe that was why I stopped talking to other guys. 

“Will you kiss me?” they asked.

“I will. And I will hug you too.”

And then they said “we’ll hug and kiss in our party city wigs.”

We have been talking consistently. Until there were days where we stopped. I did not think much of it. Because I expected it. And I can still go back to my roster. But then I saw why. They started posting melancholic posts. Posts I am familiar with. Of course I got worried. 

I messaged them. I told them they have me. I told them that they could rely on me. I told them that I may not show it, but I cared for them (I still do). What they said next shocked me. They told me “thank you so much. I love you.” 

Those three words. I was stunned. After a couple of heartbreaks, I learned not to say it. I learned not to express it. What's more was I cannot say it if I do not mean it. And I did not want to say it to them just for them to get their hopes up that I felt the same way only for me to not mean it. They did not deserve that.

I told them I appreciate what they said but I am unable to say it back. And I explained my reasons and they were okay with it. Since then we started talking frequently and consistently again. We sent each other updates. 

I told them about what I did that day. I sent them pictures of what I was eating. I told them about my closest friends, Lev, Andres, and Jester. 

Every weekend I always go out to meet my friends. It has become our thing. One night at Pop Up, I thought I saw them. Someone in a mullet. I immediately sent them a message asking if they were in the same place as I was. They said no. They were at some other place. I was disappointed when we were not in the same place. 

In the morning, I told my friend, Gelo (who also did drag), about them. It was the first time I told someone about them. I asked Gelo if he knew them. And I told Gelo about how I was starting to feel towards them. “Go for it, Gelo said.”

Later that day, when I got home, I messaged them. They told me that they and their friends had a gig near Cubao. A place where I was at in the morning. They told me how they were just hanging out in McDonald’s. I was disappointed again because I was nearby. We were in the same place at once at the same time again but did not know it yet. 

Days went by and we kept talking still. We talked about bleaching eyebrows and how they got in trouble at school for putting concealer on their brows. They then told me that we might not be able to see each other on the upcoming Drag Cartel. Of course, I was disappointed. But I brushed it off. 

They told me that they have a competition that day at another bar. I wished them well. And honestly I wanted them to win. They told me how disappointed they were that it was on the same day. They wanted to see me too. It was cute. They too were disappointed that we weren’t seeing each other still. They told me they will try so hard to convince the people at the bar to move the date. 

It was Cartel night. I put on the outfit I made. I layered my party city wig. I got angel wings because I wanted to look like a Victoria’s Secret Angel. I did not post anything yet. So when they messaged me, I smiled. They said, “Good luck my angel. I love you.”

After the competition, they messaged me. They told me about how beautiful I looked that night. They told me how they wished they could be there. They told me that they told their friends about me. Being an introvert, I did not mingle with their friends that night, only with my own. I spent that night with Gelo, Andres, and Lev, especially after I got sexually assaulted that night. I did not told them about the sexual assault.

I forgot about the assault because all I could think of was them. They told me how they won and sent me a picture with their crown. I was overjoyed. I was so proud of them. How I wish I could have been there for them. 

We continued flirting online, from private messages to comments on each other’s posts. It was fun. It was cute. I was happy. Jaedehn managed to eclipse the six-month relationship I had with Storm. I stopped thinking about Storm. 

We talked more and more. They told me about the movies they have seen during quarantine. They told me countless stories. I anticipate their messages every day now. They continued to send me updates of where they were going, what they were doing, and how they have been. I did the same. 

I joined the May Drag Cartel again. This time there was a parade. And in the parade, I imagined myself with an escort. I imagined Jaedehn as my escort. So I posted a story about looking for one, trying to bait them. They did. 

My sister loaned me a pink dress because I wanted to look like Rapunzel. I put flowers on my hair. And I printed pictures of me and Storm. I wanted to rip and tear pictures of us because it was symbolic. That everything was over and done with Storm. That this new era was all with Jaedehn. Unfortunately, they did not come that night. 

I met with their friends again that night. But instead of teasing me with Jaedehn, they teased me with Eliza. People really thought I was head over heels for Eliza. But I was not. I liked her. But like her, I was not looking for anything serious then. And Eliza was just there so I could get over Storm. Every time I thought of Storm, I messaged Eliza. The gifts I sent her, were the gifts I wanted to give to Storm if we were still together. But that’s over now. Jaedehn was here. And that’s all that matters. 

Jaedehn messaged me the day after. They told me everything their friends said. It was cute. “I wish I went”. They told me. I wish they went too. 

I was glad I tore up those pictures. The storm had passed and Jaedehn’s here now.

They sent me a message about their upcoming show. Of course I wanted to go. And I promised I would. I also made a similar promise to my other friend, Francis (Kerrie), that I will go see their show. But to be honest, and everyone knows this, I wanted to go to Jaedehn. 

I talked to the one producing the show to somehow let me in. I was told I could be a door-bitch and I will be coming with Kerrie. Immediately, I told them I will be coming to their show. We were both excited. 

Days at work felt long. But those notifications from them kept me going. I was looking forward to something again. No offense to my friends, as they were there for me during my lowest but they know I was not looking forward to anything. I was just on autopilot: drinking every weekend and working every weekday. But when I met Jaedehn, and got to know Jaedehn, I looked forward to something. From their random messages to seeing them, I was looking forward to every single one. 

Every moment with them, I cherished. Every moment, even if it was just a simple message helped get me up every single day. I started counting down to seeing them.

The day came. It was rainy. I remember it very well. I messaged them that I will be seeing them soon. They told me that the event could get canceled. I told them that even so, I was hell bent on seeing them still. We would go out on a date instead. We both agreed and they fell asleep.

Later that day, I got word that there could be a new venue and the show will push through. Since they fell asleep, they were panicking. I told them to keep it together. And that we will see each other. They started getting ready and so did I. I went to Kerrie’s and needless to say, we were late. 

On the show, I was with Kerrie the whole time. But she has to go inside and I have to wait outside. Being an introvert, I was just quiet outside. I looked like a bitch but really, I was anxious to be out. And then the show started. I was mesmerized by Jaedehn. Every move was on point. They were good. 

After their set, we got close to each other. We started talking. We took pictures. They were already out of drag. They were not wearing a top and it was cold out. So I gave them my coat to cover up. And then we hugged. Finally, we hugged.

“This hug has been long overdue” we both said

After the show, we remained talking. That first hug. I still feel it to this day. We then decided to go to Pop Up after. I will be meeting my friends there so it was all good. I was supposed to ride a car with them but my other friends pulled me over so we decided to just see each other again at Pop Up.

During the ride, all I could think of was “I will be with Jaedehn at Pop Up.” When I got there, I immediately messaged them where I was and that I would wait for them. I met with my friends. We had drinks. We talked. And then Jaedehn came.

They did not sit with me and my friends because they were there with their friends. But we went to each other anyway (their friend even told me that they said no to making out with anyone because I was there). We talked a lot when we got to be alone together. 

Later my friends and their friends asked what we were. We haven’t decided yet so we talked alone. I told them, “I am done with my hoe phase now that I met you.” They smiled and said the same. “I love you” and that was the first time I said it and I knew then that I meant it.

We went back to our friends. One of their friends, Kai, even said “I wish I will find love like that.” I remembered saying “I waited for Jaedehn my whole life. And the wait was worth it. I care for Jaedehn a lot and I don’t want anyone else.” Their friends insisted on us kissing. But I was adamant to do so. Because I want them to feel comfortable doing so.

“Do you want us to kiss?” they nodded so we hid under my coat and we kissed. Our first kiss. It was not how I imagined it would be, especially the place where it would be. But it was great. Their lips. My lips. Apocalypse. 

Morning came. We held hands going to McDonald’s. We sat next to each other. There were a lot of people there, their friends, my friends, but we were in our little world. They fed me. I fed them. We kissed. We cuddled. One of my friends, Lev, approached me and said “I love seeing you finally happy. You deserve this.”

Normally, I hate the commute home. But we got to the train together, still our hands glued to each other. When they got off, we were still talking on messenger. When I got home, we continued talking. It was a core memory for sure.

Those heartaches and break-ups finally meant something. It led me to the person whom I wanted to spend my life with. It led me to the person who made me want to live again. I waited for someone like Jaedehn my whole life.

After a couple of days of talking since the meeting, I asked if they wanted to see the Little Mermaid with me. They agreed. Then they said something that made things official. “My bf”.

“So I am your boyfriend now?” I asked. They replied with “yes”. Our first date would be as boyfriends.

Our first date. We met at the train station. They were wearing black. They looked so cute. Immediately we hugged and kissed. They told me that on the way, they tripped on the stairs, ripping their pants. I told them they can use my jacket to cover it up. Luckily, it was not seen. They insisted on carrying my bag for me. 

We went and bought tickets. Before the movie started, we strolled around the mall with our hands holding each other. “Euphemism!” they exclaimed gleefully while pointing at a slogan from across the distance. “Euphemism!” they repeated with a smile on their face. “Don’t you mean alliteration?” I said. And I swear I saw their face turn red and it was the cutest thing I have ever seen. I thought to myself as I held their hand “I am so in love with you and I do not want to lose you.”

They told me how they and their friends got lost at the last Leni Rally. They told me how they walked in drag in public. They told me about dressing up and preparing outside Nectar. They told me countless stories.

When it was time to see the movie, the theater was decorated heavily. It was like our love story, a real life fairytale. We got our freebies and went in. When the lights went dark and the movie started, we were both in awe. I kept glancing at them and could not help but smile. They sang along to the tunes in the movie. And we kept kissing in between. “You’re my princess.” I told them.

When the movie ended, we decided to go to the food court before heading out. We sat there in our own little world, talking about the Little Mermaid. We then decided to walk to the bus station. They told me about competing in last year's Cartel. They told me that they did half face paint. “The other face was full white face” they said. “And the other half was black face” I joked and we both laughed. 

On the bus ride, all the songs were romantic. And we talked about everything and anything. They whispered to my ear “I love you” and we kissed. We were all over each other. The songs played as if the Universe was confirming what we were feeling towards each other. 

When we met their friends, we ate. We fed each other. Talked. And I remember the introvert joke. Are homeless people introverted or extroverted? I had to meet up with another friend so we decided to see each other there.

It was so nice. So Nice, the song by Carly Rae Jepsen is the song that I dedicated to Jaedehn. When I met with my other friends, I told them all about Jaedehn, and how everything was just so nice. Jester agreed. And the funny thing that happened was, we were sitting at a table with an umbrella covering us. And the words written on the umbrella? It was “so nice”. 

That night I just waited for Jaedehn to show up. They came in the morning. My friends were seated on a table next to ours. And we were just hugging. We were in our own little world for lord knows how long when my friends decided to head to McDonald’s. 

We sat in the same place we were cuddling a few days back. We fed each other again. And then the music started playing. They whispered to me “the songs and the Universe, it’s about us again.” So we kissed. We hugged. Jaedehn’s hugs. Jaedehn’s warmth. It was so nice.

Since then, we started meeting frequently. On the most random of hours in a day, they would message me “psst. I love you.” And immediately my day was turned. Work was stressful but at least I have my boyfriend. “We are lesbian lovers” they said at one point. I forgot the context but the thought still makes me smile to this day. 

There was a time where I asked if they had eaten already. They said no. So I told them to buy McDonald’s and it’s on me. They asked me why I was doing that. I simply said “because I love you and I care for you, and that you’re my boyfriend.”

We were boyfriends so we told each other everything. And if there was anything I learned in the past relationships I have had is that when it comes to your relationship, others opinions and words do not matter. You and your boyfriend’s words matter. 

Every time we talked, I fell more and more. I always reminded everyone of how much I love my boyfriend. There was a time they told me that they were hurt when their family did not post pictures of them but did for others. Since then, I made sure to post their pictures when I get the chance and show the world how much I appreciated, admired, and adored them.

There was a time I shared a meme with them. It basically says “my boyfriend doing anything” and “me being so in love with them”. I told them it was me to them. And they said it was them to me. Unconditional love from my boyfriend. Unconditional love, something I was longing for. And they gave it to me. It was easy. It was nice. Unconditional love. Something my boyfriend gave to me and I gave back.

“We are twinning” I said. “No we are soulmates” they said. Because on the same day, after their gig, we said we would both be getting haircuts. That night was fun. During the day, they messaged me that they will have a gig. I said I will be coming. Because I missed them so badly. That day, I could not wait to log off work. When we met, we expressed how much we missed each other. I watched them perform. And after, we cuddled a lot. 

The first Saturday we did not see each other, they told me they had a dream. In the dream, their grandmother died. And they just want to be with their grandmother. When they woke up, they hugged their grandmother so tightly. I told them I understand. They said that they also had another dream where we were together and we were so happy. I said it was okay. We have years ahead of us and we could have more happy days together. 

We met a week after because they joined Dragdagulan. I missed them so much. And when I saw them up on that stage, I was so proud. Some queen even tried kissing them on stage. I was ready to fight. But they said no and did a split. I cheered. When it ended, I came up to them and hugged them. “Babe” they said. I hugged them and kissed them. We watched the rest of it together. Nothing else mattered because I have my boyfriend. I have Jaedehn.

After the Dragdagulan, I decided to go to Pop Up alone. Since Jaedehn wanted to rest. When I got there, I expected to have fun. But the night was not. 

A friend came up to me and said that my boyfriend was lying to me. I did not believe it. They said a couple of people came up to them saying the same thing. People were talking negatively about me, about them, about us. I cried that night. All I could think of that night was “I wish Jaedehn was here right now”. I went home immediately after and did not talk to anyone.

I told Jaedehn what everyone said, and I told them that I would believe them only them. Other people are just background noise. I made a public post about it because I was done with people talking about me and them. It happened with Storm and I did not want the same. I wanted to save my relationship with Jaedehn. 

Jaedehn and I continued to talk. Until the day before our monthsary. That day, I received no messages from them. I made sure to let them stay updated. I waited for their messages. Storm went to the office that day for his interview. I told him about Jaedehn. I told him how worried I was. And then Jaedehn messaged me. And all was good again. They told me they were just busy. I understood. After a couple of hours, they messaged me again. This time, they broke up with me. Once my shift was over, I cried to Storm. 

The next couple of days, I continuously messaged Jaedehn. I told them I love them. I gave updates. But none were seen. Their friends reached out to me, they told me to just wait for Jaedehn because Jaedehn will talk to me eventually. Rohan told me Jaedehn was going through things. Yohan told me that Jaedehn still loves me and was afraid that I would leave if I knew the truth. Mark told me to wait for Jaedehn and he’ll find a way for us to talk.

Cartel came. Mark was joining. I gave Rohan money so Jaedehn could come. It was the first time I saw them after the break up. I hugged them and told them how much I missed them. They remained quiet. I waited until they talked to me but they did not. So I went home after. 

I cried that night again and went to work with swollen eyes. Storm saw how I was doing. We grabbed a coffee before our shift started and I just cried. On shift I was working. In between breaks I was crying. When I went home, I continued crying. 

There was a time where I told Rohan and Mark to talk to Jaedehn. I said to relay that I would wait for them on the spot where we had our first date. They will show up right? They knew where I was. They knew that I would be waiting. They love me, so they will show up. Right? I went there early. And I waited… until the mall closed. I went home crying. But I have faith. 

I still messaged Jaedehn from time to time, waiting for a reply. One night, EJ and Rohan messaged me. It was about Jaedehn. They run away. An emergency at home. I already booked a ride home but I insisted the driver reroute so I could go to them. I stayed where I was. I waited for updates from their friends. I asked everyone I know. I told them to book a grab already to go to Jaedehn but they said they do not know where they are. I asked Storm to accompany me to look for them. After a couple of hours, I got an update. Jaedehn was okay now. So I went home. 

Mark invited me to go to Pop Up. Like last time, at my lowest, I had Lev, Andres, and Jester. This time, I have Mark, Rohan, Jason, Gelo, and Francis.

At Pop Up, I was there to have fun. I was there to make things light for me. I needed it. But it was not the case again. Someone came up to me and said “Aren’t you the one fucking a minor?” I confronted Rohan and the others about it. They confirmed it to be true. So that was the truth. I cried so hard that night. But at the back of my mind “did Jaedehn really think I would leave them? I love them so much. And I can wait. I will wait.”

I sent Jaedehn a video of Rohan being drunk. They replied. And then I told them that I know the truth already. I told them how I found out. And I told them I will not leave them no matter what. They told me they love me and that they miss me. We talked the whole night. They even joked about trying to disappear when they tried to break up with me. I told them I would not let that happen. We continued talking. And they even said that they just wanted to continue talking that night, even though I was already sleepy. I missed them so I did not sleep.

Since then we continued having conversations. I asked how they were doing and who they are currently staying with. I told them I want to go out with them. They said they were okay and no need to worry. They said that it sounds nice going out but they were locked up tight at their aunt’s place. I said I can wait. I can always wait for them.

Days went by and we continued talking. Until the conversations started to get dry. And they started acting mean towards me. I brushed it off. Mark told me that he suspected Jaedehn seeing another guy. Every time I asked Jaedehn, they brushed it off. I was not getting anything. 

Then one Saturday night. I confirmed it with Mark. But I told myself “Jaedehn would tell me”. The next morning, I confronted the guy. The guy confirmed. That was the only time Jaedehn messaged me again. They were angry at me. They said they regretted everything. I asked “Do you regret loving me?” and then I was blocked.

I cried the whole day that day. I did not leave my room. I called Mark and cried. I called Yohan and cried. The only time I went out was to pick up my sister from a concert. On the way home, I said my goodbyes to everyone I know and I swallowed a lot of sleeping pills. I overdosed. 

The next day, I woke up and went to the hospital alone. I went to work and I was back on autopilot. 

I was not okay. Was it all just a lie? Did our love not mean anything? Did I not mean anything? What happened? Where did I go wrong? 

August, I started to feel okay again. I met John Rhom. He became like Eliza when I was trying to move on from Storm. All the feelings I have for Jaedehn, I gave them to Rhom. Rhom knew about it. We were not meant to date. We were made to use each other. 

I lost my job and Jaedeh. But I got gigs and new friends. 

We went out a lot. We went on dates while I kept hooking up with other guys on the side. I was back to where I was when the year started. I hated it. But it is what it is. I haven’t heard from Jaedehn in a long time. And I thought I have moved on. But my birthday came and I wished I celebrated it with them and not Rhom.

Jaedehn and I had an interaction in our group chat. The banter was there. It was fun. I was cordial. Still thinking I have moved on. 

Then came Bar Zero. I was dating Rhom. Jaedehn was dating some guy. I asked them if anyone was showing up for them. They said none, so I told them I would. Because growing up, no one showed up for me. I know how that felt. And I don’t want them to ever feel like no one is there to show up and support them. Despite what had happened, I care for them.

So I went to support them. After the competition, they told me not to post anything because the guy was very sensitive. I said okay. But I thought “Wow the guy’s feelings were considered. Where was this with me back then?” When I got home, they messaged me that they got home as well. I smiled. Shit I haven’t moved on.

I had a dream about them after. I never had a dream about Rhom. And that was always an indicator of my feelings towards someone: me dreaming about them. Yup. I have not moved on yet. So I did what my logic told me to do: go to Rhom. Every time I thought of Jaedehn, I would go to Rhom. 

But it was not logic but it was love that overpowered me. And my love was Jaedehn. When I learned from our friends about their break up, they told me that maybe it was my time to shine again, particularly Raf. But I did not want to swoop in immediately. 

Time and time, every time when we interact, I get hopeful. They started teasing me again. The banter was back. So I stopped it with Rhom. But there was a time Rhom asked me what we were and if I would get back together with Jaedehn. I did not answer. I know the answer. But I chose to keep it to myself. 

For the first time, Jaedehn went to my house. They helped me with my make up. And they apologized. They told me that they thought all they did was hurt me. They did hurt me but not all throughout. They were the sweetest and kindest among the guys I dated. And I chose to overlook the bad for the good. I chose to wear those rose colored lenses. 

Since then I started seeing them frequently and talking to them more. Again, it gave me hope. And hope was all I have left. Our friends have noticed it too. Apparently I was not as subtle as I thought in hiding my feelings. 

But Jaedehn blocked me again. I confronted them about it, and they said they wanted me to move on and heal. I told them to unblock me. They said they would. But they did not. 

Still, I went to all of their shows in Bar Zero and the other gigs. I still wanted to support them. It never left my care for them. Even when they acted like I was not there at times. I brought them flowers because they deserve it. And then it hit me. I wanted to pursue them. So I asked. They said no. 

It is what it is. I feel nothing. I am chasing after a feeling that could not be felt. All the other boys bore me. I have sex, overdose, and overdrink to feel something. But I do not feel anything after the quick-fix. And I am done doing all those. 

I have blocked them on twitter because their tweets pop up on my for you page on twitter. I have blocked them on instagram too. I miss them. 

I wrote this because I feel empty again that something was missing. 

And I am missing Jaedehn.

Epilogue

I wish I could write an epilogue about how we got back together. But I will write this instead:

“I waited for you my entire life and you are worth every minute… and I don’t mind waiting a bit longer. Because a life without you is just not worth living”

[illfoandillfie]

Kinktober Day 7: Somnophilia (+Double Penetration - 2 holes)

Kinktober Masterlist | Regular Masterlist

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Words: 2,397

Warnings: Somnophilia, double penetration, anal sex, sex toys (dildo + plug), dom!Roger, protected sex, light degradation (slut), edging

A/N: This was kind of inspired by a couple of different posts I saw on a (now deleted) porn blog. I’ve been wanting to do something with the concepts for a little while now and this seemed like the perfect opportunity!

I guess I was picturing 70s rog since its a flatmate/fwb type relationship but go nuts imagining whatever you want lmao

It hadn’t been Roger’s idea to set up a friends with bennefits type arrangement, but he’d liked the suggestion when you made it and before the end of the night was out you’d sealed the deal, so to speak. He’d been a touch tispy at the time, as had you, but when he woke up in your bed the next morning he hadn’t believed it to be a mistake, even if you were his flatmate. And so the arrangement (or as Roger dubbed it, The Fuckbuddy Pact) stuck. In an effort to make sure neither of you would feel weird about what happened and to avoid anything becoming too much like a relationship, Roger suggested that you should get all your kinks and weird fetishes out into the open straight away. 

“That way we’ll both know what we’re in for from the jump,” he said, looking at you from the opposite end of the couch, “None of that getting to know you shit, or taking our time. We’re both here for sex so let’s just figure out what sex we’ll both like and get straight into it, right?”  “Sounds excellent,” you’d said, cheersing his bottle of beer with your glass.   It was how he’d discovered your interest in somnophilia (a term he’d not heard before and had needed a thorough explanation of). But once he knew what it was, Roger had been keen to try it out with you. There were other things too but the somnophilia was the newest to him and, thus, the most exciting. Before the month was out you’d figured out a system to incorproate it into your sex safely. The main rule was that if either of you was asleep and naked, it was okay to initiate sex. Eventually there ended up being a few exceptions or addendums added to that rule – it was still okay if the sleeping party wore a top of some kind as long as they were pantsless, and once or twice lingerie had been deemed to not count as clothes, but only on special occasions when you’d prearranged it. It became a regular part of your sex lives, which was especially useful for Roger who often didn’t get home from playing gigs until the early hours of the morning. If you were in bed and undressed, he’d take the opportunity to blow off some of the adrenaline without having to use his hand which was underwhelming compared to your cunt. But, more often than not, you’d do what most sexual partners did and got it out of your systems before bed time.  

Roger already suspected that you were hoping for a quick tumble when he heard the knock on his door, but he had other things on his mind too as he told you to come in.  “Hey, Rog, you busy?”  “Uhhh yeah, sorry, running late for rehearsals but I can’t find my fucking drumsticks,” Roger said, moving things around his desk as he searched for the missing sticks.   “Oh, damn.”  “Let me guess,” he said, pausing in the hunt and turning to face you, “horny?”  “My friend recommended a porn thing and I kinda got worked up.” You shrugged, unembarrassed to admit what you wanted.  That self-confidence was enough to make Roger wish he could stay and give you what you wanted but he was already late and couldn’t afford to be later. Instead he laughed and turned back to double check his backpack, “I would but, I’m leaving as soon as I fin- Aha! Bloody things must have rolled off the bed. Sorry, Y/N.”  “Oh, no worries. I’ll take care of myself.”  He smiled at the thought, “Well I better go. See you tonight?”  “Yeah, see ya. Have fun.” 

It was later than he’d expected by the time Roger got home. Part of him (the part in his pants mostly) vaguely wondered if you’d still be up for something but the bits of him controlled by his brain thought it more likely that you’d have had a nice couple of orgasms on your own and called it a night. Still, he thought he might at least check in on you once he’d dropped his bag in his room. To his surprise though, his bed wasn’t empty like it should have been. He jumped when the light from the hall softly illuminated you, on your back and deep asleep, but his shock quickly turned to delight as he realised you were naked.   “You little minx,” he muttered under his breath, impressed by the invitation you were giving him. But as he walked closer he paused again, noticing something he hadn’t been able to see from the doorway. There, beside your hand, was your favourite glass dildo, as if you’d passed out after using it.  “Oh you are naughty,” Roger chuckled. He traced one hand down your body, between your breasts and over your stomach, and softly said your name, checking if you’d rouse. But you were deep asleep and not likely to wake up any time soon. A plan for what to do with you forming, Roger stepped away from you for a moment to strip down to his briefs. His cock was already beginning to stir at the sight of you. He reached out to touch you again, less cautiously this time, palming your breasts before dipping his hand lower and lower, down to your cunt, pleased to find you still wet from whatever you’d been doing before you fell asleep.  You let out a soft hum as he explored you, thumb teasing over your clit as he wet his fingers between your folds.   Roger paused at the sound, not ready for you to wake up yet, but once it was clear you were still asleep he sank two fingers into you. Slowly they penetrated your heat, pausing to make sure the sensation hadn’t roused you at all. But you slept on. Carefully Roger partially withdrew his fingers before sinking them in again, gradually working up to a consistent thrust that had your unconscious body sighing and spreading your legs wider.   “Good girl,” he whispered, watching you carefully. The hall light was still on but his door wasn’t open fully so the darkness was only dimmed slightly. He twisted his fingers inside you, easily finding the spots that usually made you scream his name but which now just made your eyebrows knit together. By this point in your relationships Roger was quite confident that he could understand your body. He’d made you cum enough times, awake and asleep, to know what you liked and just how much you liked it. And he knew what it looked like when you were close to orgasm. Which is how he knew to stop, to still his fingers and wait for you to calm down.  

There was no real reason to edge you. If anything it just made it more likely you’d wake before he’d got his dick wet. But he had fun with it. Watching the way you’d shift, your chest rising and falling more rapidly, your lips parted as whimpers fell from them, your hips automatically rolling to meet his hand. And then he’d stop again. It made him chuckle quietly to himself. Knowing he could control your body so easily was thrilling. It made him want to do it more. So as soon as your face had relaxed again, your limbs loose and limp, he’d settle into the rhythm once more, curious how much you’d take before you woke up and begged him to finish you off. It was tempting to just keep going. He pictured you waking with a moan, your first words a plea for release or better yet for his cock so he could fuck you properly. Roger groaned. In the time he’d taken to edge you a handful of times his dick had well and truly stiffened and, as much as he enjoyed toying with you, what he really wanted was to cum in you so when you woke you’d know you’d been used. With that thought in mind he withdrew his fingers fully, taking a second to suck them clean and enjoy your taste. Having you on his tongue just made him want to fuck you more so he carefully knelt between your legs, shifting one to give himself a better angle. He was moments from finally taking what he so wanted to take from you, when something caught his eye.  

It didn’t glint as much as it did in the day but he could see it’s outline all the same. And when he double checked that he wasn’t imaging it, pressing his thumb against the hard end of it, you groaned.   “A dildo and a butt plug?” He asked you, knowing you wouldn’t respond, “Is that a surprise for me? Or is it just because nothing satisfies you like I do?” Roger’s hand slipped down to his underwear, pushing his briefs down enough that he could get his cock out. He hissed as he spread his precum along his length, contemplating how he should use you. “Could fuck your cunt now and hope you stay asleep long enough for me to get back there. Or maybe I should just go all in, have your arse straight away. That’ll mean wearing a condom though. Or would it?” he shook his head, now was not the time to try anal raw for the first time, “No, condom definitely.” He was still trying to decide what to do when you shifted in your sleep, rolling onto your side. The new position you lay in made it much easier to reach your arsehole.  “That decides it then,” Roger said to himself, shedding his underwear and opening his bedside draw for his lube.  

Carefully, he settled himself behind you and slowly began to remove your plug. It took a few stops and starts, pulling out and sinking in, almost fucking you with it, as you whimpered in your sleep but you seemed to press yourself back towards him as if trying to encourage him.   “Just can’t get enough of me, can you?” he chuckled as he set the plug aside and spread the lube around your hole. He rolled the condom down his shaft and spread the lube along it too, humming at the slick friction of his hand, knowing he was about to feel something a hundred thousand times better. And then he lined himself up, pushing the head of his cock into the ring of muscles you’d so generously stretched out with your plug. He went slowly there too, partially so you’d sleep on and partially so he wouldn’t cum embarrassingly fast.   When he finally began to fuck you, you moaned into your pillow, able to feel it in your sleep.   Roger bit his lip to keep his own moan from getting too loud.  You moved in your sleep again, your legs opening more as you half rolled onto your front. It let Roger fuck you deeper and gave him better access to your pussy too.  “You’re a bit of a whore when you’re alseep,” he said softly, reaching for the dildo. You were still wet enough that it sank into you easily, like it remembered where it had been earlier and fit into your cunt perfectly. The way you lay meant he didn’t have what he’d call easy access to you but it was enough that he could thrust the dildo somewhat rhythmically. He faltered here and there as the feeling of fucking you distracted him but he didn’t feel too bad about the slips, knowing it was keeping you from reaching your release. Your sleepy sighs and moans got louder as he filled both your holes which just made him fuck you harder, enjoying the sounds you were making and wanting to hear more.  

You woke with a broken moan in your throat, jerking under Roger’s hands but he shushed you, his palms warm against your skin and his voice familiar and reassuring.   “Stay right there, baby. Being such a good set of holes for me to enjoy.”  You couldn’t do much more than moan again, dazed from the sudden way you’d been pulled back to consciousness and realising what you’d felt in your dreams had been very real indeed.   “This was what you wanted wasn’t it? When you fell asleep in my bed.”  You nodded, the sound of the fabric of the pillowcase loud against your ear.  “Uh uh, words Love. If you’re going to be a slut the least you can do is admit it.”  “Yes, Rog. Want-wanted this.”  “Good girl. And how do you feel now?”  “Oh god, close. So close.”  Roger slowed the pace of the dildo, putting more effort into thrusting into you, his hips slapping loudly against your skin.   You keened at the loss of friction.  “Slut-s don’t com-complain.” Roger grunted as he used you, “They t-ake what they’re giv-en.”  You whined but that just made Roger laugh, louder now you were awake but broken by groans and moans of his own.   It didn’t take much more for him to cum, stuttering out, “Fu-ck Y-Y/N,” as he did.  

Roger was panting as he eased himself out of your arsehole, replacing his cock with the plug and giving your hip a light tap of thanks. The dildo was still inside you, but he’d not been moving it at all as he reached his climax so it wasn’t much help.   “Did you cum?” he asked, his breathing still heavy as he flopped onto the mattress beside you.  You shook your head and sighed, “And after I waited here all night to surprise you too. Thought you’d be home sooner.”  “Is that why you had the toys? You got bored waiting for me?”  “No, I was expecting you to come home while I was using them. Only then I came and fell asleep.”  "Of course,” Roger laughed, “you still got your shag though, don’t know why you’re complaining.”  “I’m really fucking horny still, that’s bloody why. What are you smirking about?”  “Nothing. Just nice to know edging you in your sleep works just as well as when you’re awake.”  “Prick!” you squealed though unable to contain your smile at the idea.  “Don’t worry. Give me a few minutes to clean up and get my stamina back and then I’ll make you cum as many times as you want.” 

Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

[roo-bastmoon]

Just my 2 cts but some fans are either really young or just don’t spend much time around young men tbh… The things I read on sm about the members and Jikook always surprised me. as a woman with 2 brothers + spending a lot of time around my fiancé’s friends I think a lot of Armys don’t have much knowledge about men’s behavior in general(there are variations, of course). For them it’s either 1-the members are all bffs without boundaries hence why the recurrent "poly bts" joke- when the only two who have shown consistent lack of space/boundaries/romantic vibes over the years are Jimin and Jungkook 2- they’re dating every single women that are less than 10feet from them and that have worn the same trendy shirt or accessory or god knows what 3- they’re never ever dating women and only have very chaste thoughts haha4-they’re even less dating a man.. I have been around my brothers and my fiancé’s groups of male friends so much, they come from various backgrounds, ethnicities, a few are gay men, and they can be really touchy, tease eo all the time and flirt for fun (seriously, do these fans have spend even a tiny bit of time around a bunch of guys?) but they never gave eo hickey made a whole romantic video vlog of their trips suck on eo’s ears and all…. Men don’t behave like this with their friend/bestfriend. For real, spend time with men, just observe them around their friend. Take a look at JHope and Jin almost accidentally brushing their lips at an event (can’t remember which one it was) and the same thing happening a few times between Jimin and Jungkook: very different reactions, those two don’t seem phased at all… Or make your male friends watch GCF in Tokyo and ask them about it. men and women have a different vision of friendship I think (I know nowadays it’s not very popular to highlight differences between the two sexes..). I feel like as a lot of armys are teenage girls or young women, they project their own friendship with their female friends onto the members. It’s not that uncommon for teenage girls to have such a close relationship with their bestfriend that the boundaries between friendship and love mingle a bit (happened to me). Young men’s/young women’s friendships tend to be very different. I can be biased as well, but to me it’s pretty obvious that Jimin and Jungkook share a different kind of bond and their behavior/touches are usually more charged and clearly not usual at all for friends. Especially now that they have grown up and the boundaries between the members are increasing as you would expect for adults friends. They all share a close bond with a bit more skinship that we’re used to in the west but behind that aspect you can still spot patterns in behavior and for me no other duo has made me raise my eyebrows. Sorry for my messy English

Hi Nonie!

First off, your "messy English" made perfect sense so please do not apologize!

Second, I'm sure there's lots of nuances to gender, age, and culture at play here that many non-Korean and non-male Army are missing (I know I'm one of them). So it's natural to try to view and interpret things through your own lens because that's all you have for reference. But yeah, I often find myself thinking things like "Why didn't Jungkook mention Jimin's OST on his Instagram??" or "Why didn't Jungkook reach out to comfort Jimin when he was crying during Festa dinner?" Because that is absolutely what *I* would do if *I* were blessed by the gods to be in the same orbit as Park Jimin. But I'm a 43-year-old cis-het white American woman who has been conditioned since birth to demonstrate emotions and do emotional labor. I don't know any 25-year-old males that would constantly telegraph deep feelings the way that I would, even if they didn't have to contend with a glass closet.

If people watch original content (and sadly many don't, which baffles me) they will quickly see patterns in BTS that raise questions. Yes, there's just a TON of skinship among all of them (they kiss anywhere but the lips, they hug, they sleep in the same beds, they compliment each other's looks, they hold hands, they eat each others' food, the list goes on and on). And for some reason fandom seems to hyper-focus on the maknae and tries to compare the relationships among that line for "supremacy" (which makes me sad because there's overwhelming evidence they all truly care for and delight in each other, so pitting them against each other feels a bit sacrilegious).

For me, only Jikook does highly, highly suspicious stuff. Jungkook is super playful and affectionate with all his members, and Jimin is the human embodiment of loyalty and comfort, but the vibe completely changes when it's them with each other, versus them with the other members. Now, they aren't sharing as many glimpses into their personal lives these days so I don't have tons of recent examples (outside of concerts) but there are hints everywhere you look that they still mean the world to each other. But even if you wanted to dismiss years and years of their lingering looks, magnetic pull toward each other, intimate knowledge of each other, time off-schedule spent together, intertwined family and friends, and downright giddy flirting, the most telling aspect of Jikook is the way the other members react to them (especially Hobi and Joon, bless them).

This is my reaction every time I watch the rest of BTS tense up and hold their breath when Jimin and Jungkook are having a moment:

So yeah. I haven't been around young men in well over a decade. I'm ancient and an introverted recluse. I probably fall into the trap of filtering BTS' behavior through my biased lens all the time. But when I step back and just view the content independent of my own desires, what I see is that Jimin and Jungkook have something unique between them. The only way to discount that is to actively dismiss mountains of circumstantial evidence.

[alreadyblondenow]

I loved you first, but you’re not the last

“....You’re special so it requires extra effort. Happy Valentines and happy first day of being a couple,”

Pairing: Mark Lee x female!reader

Genre: Angst, SMUT, fluff, childhood best friends to lovers

WC: 4,588k

Warnings: Fake dating, break up,swearing, mentions or other idol, reader x Taeyong in the end, Taeyong as Mark’s brother, unprotected sex, virginity loss, a lot of making out, mentions of making out, touching, a small amount of dirty talking, oral sex (female receiving), overstimulation

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I get my internet connection back. Gosh I hope this posts. Part of Request Party

It was in the middle of the night when you received a call that did not just woke you up, but also woke your whole being. Body, mind and soul.

“You’re back?” crankily you sat up from bed, scratching your heavy eyes and about to get out of bed because the person on the other line is right outside your house, waiting for you.

He has been away and gone for too long because of college... and you should be excited as you go downstairs to meet him, but you know why he’s here and it’s no good news. Let’s face it, this night will not end nice.

“Here goes nothing,” you murmured. Wrapping yourself with your thick jacket before you finally step outside.

And the moment you opened the door, snow was falling and you didn’t miss how the snow landed peacefully on Mark’s eyelashes. Eyes looking straight to you, those sad eyes that can’t hide the pain that he’s holding. A pain that you caused.

You wanted to finally reunite first with a hug, but he got ahead of you and took your chance to show him how much you missed him.

“How could you?” he started, eyes still locked on yours. “I thought we were going to wait and do it right- how could you date my brother while I was away?”

Even you find it cruel. What you did to Mark was cruel, selfish, and unforgivable. And truth be told, you don’t have the right words now. You wanted to explain of course, but you’re scared it might break him even more. “I love your brother,” you said softly. Not even brave enough to look him in the eye because you feel bad.

“You loved me first,” he bite back. And you can’t help but be weak in front of him and cry. Usually whenever you cry, he will walk towards you and remind you how much you mean to him. But you guess not tonight, maybe you don’t deserve love tonight.

“You left me, remember?” you dried your tears and tried being brave even just for a short period. Just until you have the guts to walk away.

“Whatever. It’s not yet too late. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy,”

He finally said his true purpose tonight. This was his last chance and the only to win you back. But even though he has never been more honest in his whole life except tonight, he feels like not even telling you his feelings can bring you back to him. Mark was so frustrated that he has tears in his eyes already that you wanted to dry so bad. But if you really want him to respect the relationship you have with his brother, then this is the perfect time.

“I may have loved you first, but your brother is the last man I’ll love. I’m sorry Mark,”

And just as you finish saying those hurtful words, you finally have the bravery to turn your back on him and ignore his shouting that you’re sure your parents and neighbors heard. This is you throwing a decade of good friendship because of unrequited love.

FOUR YEARS AGO

The day before Valentines day, you don’t know what’s up with your mood or with you in general, because you’ve been so envy with the people around you, couples to be exact. As you admire happy couples in school who celebrates Valentines as early as now, you can’t help but to imagine someone.... someone that will give you flowers, chocolates... kisses, or whatever you’ll accept in whole heartedly.

Valentines is like Christmas, it’s a day of giving and receiving. But that only applies if you have someone special whom you can spend the day with and exchange shiny, glittery, and sparkling Valentine cards with.

“I can be your fake boyfriend, come on it will be fun,” he raises his seagull eyebrows and smirked. Come to think of it, it’s not a bad idea. You’ve been best friends even before kindergarten, you watch each other grow and went through puberty together until the next thing you know, you’re printing college applications together in your room because his printer broke down.

“Let’s not go to college without having the experience of high school love... you know, let’s have fun before we graduate with flying colors. Let’s go to parties, participate in Valentine-gram tomorrow, go to prom together. What do you say?” he added.

“But everything’s fake? What’s the point of fake dating if we already look like were dating ever since we started being friends?” You whine and flop on your bed, Mark did the same thing.

“Don’t think about it too much, just say yes,” for a moment you both just stared at the ceiling, wondering what could go wrong if you started fake dating. “Anyway, you don’t have a choice. I need to get home and answer these- Bye, you’re my girlfriend now!”

“W-what? Mark-“

And just before you could reason out with him, he’s gone with his college applications and you’re left with your thoughts and excitement. You don’t know why but Mark’s crazy idea made your heart jump, it’s like a good electricity that made you look for your art materials and spend the whole evening making your fake boyfriend a blue shiny, glittery, and sparkling Valentine card.

Even if the motive was fake, the effort was real and it felt good and right at that very moment.

But little did you know that his idea of fake dating was only his way to not shock you when he finally confess his feelings to you.

That’s right, your best friend is in love with you.

If she wears blue tomorrow I will confess to her. He tells himself as he stares in his ceiling, feeling the same excitement and electricity in his heart. Trying so hard to sleep but he kept on thinking about you and can’t help but feel the excitement for tomorrow again.

“You and Y/n started dating? Since when?” Mark’s mother exclaimed happily while driving. Looking at his son admire the roses he got you from the flower shop downtown.

“We’re just starting mom. Thanks for helping me pick these up by the way,”

“Oh there she is! Wearing blue! Oh I never realized how you two grew such good looking kids until now,”

Mark breathed in and let it out with a smile, thankful that you wore his favorite color, because he can’t continue to hide his feelings for you. Maybe you and him are really bound to happen.

As you wave goodbye to Mrs. Lee with a bright smile, there you see Mark carrying a unique bouquet of roses and your eyes immediately went big and sparkled because. Not to mention your heart beats so hard and fast because he looked so handsome even in his casual clothes.

“Wow- I’m speechless, these are beautiful. Where did you get these?” you accept the bouquet as he hands it to you with a smile. Engraving the look of your face in his mind and heart, swearing to himself that from now on he will make you happy like this everyday.

“It’s a secret. You’re special so it requires extra effort. Happy Valentines and happy first day of being a couple,” he said and planted a kiss on your forehead. Something so natural for you and him, but today is different. Nonetheless, you believe that today will be a beautiful and eventful day.

In the see of people wearing red and white in your school’s hallway, you and Mark are happy wearing blue. Such a sad color but you wearing it makes him the happiest guy today. Everywhere you look has a dash of red and pink, hearts are hanged here and there and almost everyone has red roses on their hand... except you.

Because you’re holding a bouquet of rainbow roses.

This year’s Valentines wasn’t like any other Valentine’s you usually have. Today you have Mark.

You have Mark to hold your hand while you walk on the school’s hallway. You have Mark to look at you so lovingly that your heart melts whenever you catch him looking. You have Mark to take you out on a date after school and take cute photos in a photo booth. You have Mark to share a big drink with two straws.

And most especially, you have Mark to kiss you under the dark sky full of stars in front of your house.

His lips were soft as expected. And the way his tongue swipes on your lip in the most subtle way just makes you want him to kiss more. He smiled in between kissing when you pulled him closer and kiss him more when he was about to pull away. And oh! You did not miss the way he softly moans, such music to your ears but sad to say you can only hear them tonight.

“Did you liked my Valentine card? I left it in your locker,”

You finally pulled away and surprised him. Wiping away the spit from your mouth, you wiped Mark’s as well. He only smiled to you and you wish he would stop doing it because you’re growing a little crush on him already.

“It’s full of glitters, it’s blue and it has watermelons. Of course I love it” he said then did it again, melted your heart with that damn handsome smile.

“Good,” you said softly, fixing his hoodie and finally giving him a bear hug that he deserves. “I don’t want this night to end,” you finally admitted it.

“Then let’s not end it,”

“Wait, you’re not faking anymore aren’t you-“

And just like that Mark cut you off with a deep kiss. Nothing like how he kissed you earlier. This time he was holding you tight that you’re almost out if breath and you feel like he’s about to crush you anytime. But the way he kissed you... it’s his way of confessing his love to you.

On the following days, everything changed between you and Mark. Though it’s clear that what you feel for him is only just a crush now and he knows it, still the guy is hopeful that you will love him like how he loves you.

Mark is the perfect definition of consistent. He showed you how he feels for you each day, and each day he became better than the day before, sweeter and bolder. He was putting everything on the line for you, showering you the love he has always kept in him. That’s why, in a matter of months you finally made it official with him and you can’t wait what the future has in store for the both of you.

“What do you love about me?” you asked out of nowhere while he was in the middle of playing his guitar. It wasn’t a hard question, but it made him stop and think for a second.

“I love how you give me constant reasons to love you even more each day,” the first line was enough, but Mark has more to say. “The way you kiss my cheek in the most friendly way but it always meant something to me, how you accepted me to be your friend and now boyfriend. I love how you love me, because being loved back by you is something so special that only us can understand”

What he said moved you of course. You didn’t know that he loves you deeply even before you started the fake dating thing. And knowing that Mark is just crazy and madly in love with you, you can’t help but wish that you are too. For now all you can do is accept his love, and give back however you can. You love him of course, but you can’t keep up with his love yet.

Days passed by and your relationship grew sweeter. More sweet words were exchanged and more kisses were given. Way more. Until you find yourselves making out whenever you two are alone.

“Aw!” you express your pain when Mark accidentally bit your lip. Something so sexy but it hurt and it made you both stop what you’re doing.

“Oops. Sorry, I got carried away” he says and took a look at your lips. “You’re fine right?”

“Mhmm” You answered, but just before he was about to start kissing you again, you stopped him by pulling away. “And it’s getting late, I think you should go home,”

“But I want to stay for more,” he said with a sly smile. Caressing your shoulders and soothing your back. If course you did not miss what he was talking about for more. You and Mark are young, and being new to this relationship thing just makes you both want to explore and feed each other’s curiosity.

“When I’m ready. I promise it will be worth the wait, for now it’s getting late and you need to go home... And work with some homework,” you gave him a final kiss and thankfully he did not pry.

The relationship you have with Mark was nothing like the friendship you used to have. The friendship was still there, of course, but friends don’t kiss your neck while you’re busy reading a book or slam you to the nearest wall and kiss you wildly. Friends don’t taste your favorite ice cream flavor through your tongue in the middle of a Netflix movie, and friends don’t get affected when they see you in your thin shirt and panties only whenever they give you a surprise visit.

“It’s the weekend, why are you here?” You whine as you try to go back to sleep. Clinging to your pillow and thick blanket but your boyfriend is currently losing his mind. Nonetheless, he remained a gentleman and covered your exposed leg and butt, covering you completely and keeping you warm. “Come to bed with me. Cuddle with me instead”

The young man’s eyes brightened and quickly joined you in bed. Swinging his arm around your waist from behind and nuzzling your neck to tickle you.

“I got into my dream college,” he whispered excitedly beside your ears which made you quickly turn to him and hug him.

“That’s why you’re here! Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realized” you planted kisses on his cheek the ones he loved receiving other than your slow and deep ones. “You used to talk about this ever since we were just kids. Ugh, I’m so proud of you”

“Promise to support me no matter what?” This time it’s him who went closer and planted kisses on your face. Of course you said yes, it has been his dream, but now that you knew you’ll miss him everyday and you know that the image of him walking away from you at the airport will truly hurt you, so you can’t help but fake it.

You rolled on top of him and his eyes immediately went big, wondering why and how are you like this. You have never been this bold and confident even in your wildest times, it’s like he’s seeing a totally different side of you and he loves it.

“Want to claim your early graduation gift?” you completely surprised him and started kissing his neck, while Mark is actually enjoying the moment by caressing your ass cheeks and teasing you by tugging your panties. You wish you have the same level of confidence with Mark, because you well know that between the two of you he is the one experienced with sexual activities, so now you try your best.

“Mmm” a loud pop surrounds your room as Mark sucks your nipples through your thin shirt. Taking turns with your left boob and right boob until your shirt is partly wet because of him and he can finally see your nipples. The sight of it gave him the feeling like no other. Of course this is not his first time seeing boobs, but this is different because it’s you.

The mere sight of your boobs just made him lose his mind and not to mention hard in no time. You watch him roll his head back while you slowly grind of top of him with a ruined shirt, looking so hot than ever so he quickly switched places with you. Putting you underneath him, looking down on you with hungry and lustful eyes.

“Do you wanna touch my boobs?” You asked him so innocently,reaching for his hand that’s placed on your waist. You put your hand and his hand inside your shirt, slowly lifting the wet shirt just above your chest to expose your boobs to him.

“I wish you were my first,” he said and immediately kissing your right boob while his hand kneads the other, pinching you or teasing you, or whatever he just wanted to hear something from you. And when he stopped making your nipples swollen, Mark just kept on kissing you softly and saying ‘i love yous’ over and over again. making you smile through his lips and soft touches, it is as if he’s taking away all your shyness and making you comfortable with the situation. The situation where your boobs are expose to him, your legs spread wide and Mark is in between your legs, grinding his clothed cock on your ruined and wet panties.

You were just kissing passionately but now you felt his hands hooked on your panties and the next thing you know he’s pulling it down without breaking the kiss until it reaches your thigh and eventually remove it but the shyness crept in again, making you close your legs and bite your lips in hesitation.

“Can I? Open your legs?” He asks, kissing your neck and calming you through the way he kisses you and touch you. And when he felt that you’re ready, he tried opening your legs again and this time you let him. Letting him place his body in between your legs, smiling through the kiss as if he’s telling you ‘good job’.

Mark spread kisses around your body, kissing every inch of your being, earning a giggle from you and with that he’s happy you’re not nervous anymore.

And when Mark pull away to discard his clothes, and release his cock, you were speechless when you saw it that you removed your own ruined shirt just to be fair ask him to get back in between your legs this instant.

“Lets do this right,” he said and immediately placed a finger on your wet slit that took your breath away. Up and down, you feel his finger nothing else, and when the moment comes and Mark put a finger in, your hand reached for his hand and tried to stop him because the pleasure was too much. But your handsome boyfriend was just smiling at you, smirking because you looked so ruined right now all you can do is smile back at him. And when he insert two fingers, he kissed you deeply and caught every moan you let out, every cry of his name, every groan, or whine.

And the next thing you know you’re closing your legs as you shiver and curl your body. Trying to get away from Mark because you’re sensitive already but your boyfriend is not stopping.

“First of many,” he says and stopped to pull out his fingers. But he is not yet done. He only gave you a few seconds to catch your breath and went back kneeling in between your legs again.

“Are you going to fuck me now?” you asked with ragged breaths and tired expression.

Mark did not answer you verbally, but he did physically. Licking your pussy juices and spreading your pussy lips while his eyes are completely locked on yours.

You said ‘no’, but you didn’t mean it and the moment his tongue swipes on your cunt you grabbed hold on your headboard and hold on for your dear life. Clenching and unclenching as Mark eats you out, trying so hard to close your legs but you can’t until your second orgasm drowned you quickly and all you can do is breathe in and out heavily.

“I hate you” you said but you’re clinging to Mark and sharing your warmth to him.

“I love you,” he said and intertwined his fingers with his, kissing your knuckles before he place both your hands above your head. You voluntarily spread your legs wider for him, and with his free hand he lines his cock finally.

“I didn’t know you’re big,”

What you said made him smirk and proved your discovery even more by pulling out entirely and slamming his cock back in your wet hole. “Now you know,” he said small grunts and went in deeper. He knew what he’s doing to you is too much pleasure because it’s your first time and also he can tell by the way you hold on to his hand.

“Planning to crush my hand?” he let out a cut giggle like he isn’t fucking you deep right now. How can he do that? Be insanely cute while doing something filthy to you.

“Y/n, I’m close can I go faster?” and you can only nod.

Fucking you faster and harder than earlier, you watch Mark become someone sinful when he started focusing on his own release, kissing your boobs while he fucks you, give your ass a tight squeeze, lick your neck like you’re a fucking ice cream and whisper dirty words or word that make you shy that you didn’t know you would love hearing. Like,

“Let me fuck you again,”

“You like it deep huh?”

“Y/n, you’re worth wait, you’re mine forever”

“This is the last pussy I’ll fuck,”

And in the end he pulled out and jerked in front of you, letting his cum fall on your lower abdomen and watch his cum drip to your sheets. It’s a shame that he can’t cum inside you, it would have felt great.

“Fucking shit- that sex was great,”

He rests his head on top of your boobs, but went back to kissing you again on the lips. Apologizing for his mess, aplogizing for his words and saying ‘i love you’ over and over again.

That morning, you stayed naked with Mark in bed for a few hours just talking and laughing, flirting and kissing. It felt great having a huge progress with your relationship, especially that it’s Mark who took your virginity.

“Hey, you okay?” he was talking about your pussy because even though he didn’t went hard earlier, he did fucked you a little bit harder knowing that it’s your first time. “I meant what I said earlier. Please be my last, I don’t want to give my love to anyone but you. It’s too early to talk about marriage but, I know it’s you. I’ll love you better each day, I promise”

Comfort, warmth and safety. That’s what you felt hearing those beautiful words from him that you became speechless and crashed your lips to him.

His promise was kept every day until you both finished high school together, enjoy the summer before he leaves and make unforgettable memories as many as you can.

But knowing that he’s going away to follow his dreams and fulfil his goals, Mark worried too much about long distance relationship and how it never worked.

“Are we really together now? I’m not dreaming right?”

Your sleep was disturbed when Mark called you in the middle of the night. Today, you taught him how to bake and had a couple of rounds during Netflix and chill, so to be honest you’re really exhausted and tired.

“Mark, we kiss, we date, we have sex almost everyday. Yes baby, we’re together for almost four months already. Now can we please go back to sleep-“

“Go down open your door. I’m outside”

And the moment you opened the door for him, you gave him a ‘shh’ sign, telling him that your parents are already asleep. You came closer to him for a kiss, and told him, “it’s real. I’m real. Can you please promise me to stop overthinking, you’re making me worry,”

He didn’t answer you but lowered his head. You knew he’s sorry and he’s just doing this for you,

“I love you, Mark. I’m yours forever,” you said and kissed him again. Deeply this time, to the point that it put you both in the mood and the next thing you know Mark is fucking you while he’s covering your mouth with his hand.

When Mark left you for college your relationship went downhill and you’re both getting hurt already. Fighting is part of the relationship, yes, but the fight you have with Mark almost everyday was becoming the reason why you want to distance yourself from him. You feel caged with how he love you, you feel like he’s strangling you with all these rules you need to follow to maintain trust in your relationship but nothing is working.

Until he finally realized what he’s doing to you.

So during his vacation, he visited you and you were so excited to the core that you welcomed him with a tight hug and the biggest smile. Only to find out that he wanted to break up.

But

“It’s just until we finish college. Let’s wait and do it right. I don’t want to fight for you while hurting you at the same time. Please understand. I’m not breaking up because I don’t love you. This time off will heal us both,”

The breakup did you no good. You were sad every day and to be honest you would rather want him to nag you than miss him like this and you can believe that between the two of you, he’s the one doing great in life. It makes you want to believe that he doesn’t love you anymore. Like the man you fell in love to, wasn’t there anymore.

“Still crazy about my stupid brother huh? Come here and help feed my fishes,”

His brother, Lee Taeyong, disturbed you and your ugly thoughts while you finish the drink their mom gave you during one of your visits.

“Well, college was good to you. I see you’re back and finally opening a bakeshop downtown” he hands you the fish food as you wait for him to talk and feed the fishes generously.

“I’m very much excited to open my bakery. Want to make cookies later instead of being broken hearted?”

And as days, weeks, and months pass by, not only Lee Taeyong making you forget about Mark, he also healed your heart and won it fair and square.

It started how he makes your heart flutter whenever he holds your hand while teaching you how to bake, how praises you and tell you that you look beautiful everyday, how he makes his kitchen your own little world during closing time and you’re sitting on the kitchen counter with Taeyong in between your legs and taking your breath away with a heated kiss.

When you and taeyong started dating, you experienced true love. You didn’t want to hurt Mark but what you have with Taeyong is real and you had to hide this from him for years and years and years, until you finally graduated in college.

And Tayong proposed to you. It was the only time you couldn’t hide your relationship from Mark anymore because Taeyong was the one who confessed to him.

*this is the part where you read the first part again JEJEHEH

[red-writes]

Career oriented 

Escort! Bakugou x Reader

Your entire life you've been focused solely on your career, you've sacrificed a lot      of things, people and time to get where you are and it’s paid off, now you're a millionaire who is also a virgin and never had a boyfriend in their life. Your friend recommends you a male escort service. At first you hire him to go on dates and do other things couples do but the relationship develops far beyond what you could've imagined, now you're laying under him begging him to be your first. 

cw: smut, fluff, unprotected sex, reader is a capitalist lmao, I mean reader is a virgin but its not rlly virginity loss bc its not focused around that but reader does lose her virginity, unedited (but what's new)

a/n: I mean we always hear abt sugar daddies, I need rich reader pls also- monoma is a rich bitch y'all can't fight me on this he got that rich bitch mentality.

The words ‘hard worker’ were understatements when it came to describing you. Pretty much all of your life was spent working, growing your small business with your own two hands. Now money was never an issue. A huge house with several bathrooms, fancy bags and cars, all the things you've ever wanted were now in your possession except maybe one thing. Seeing happy couples holding hands as they walked around in the park, kissing and calling each other pet names, seeing them stirred a feeling of longing inside of you. 

While it’s true that now you'd never want for anything else in your life, you still wanted something money couldn't buy you, love.

 A small tap to your shoulder brought you out of your daze.

“Your eggs are going to get cold..” Todoroki mentioned and you gave him a small smile before prodding your fork in the perfectly scrambled egg. 

“Hey, don't tell me you're thinking about that shareholders meeting this week” Monoma groans and you shake your head.

“Then what is it?” Momo wondered as she wiped her mouth with her napkin. 

“It’s just- you guys all have someone you know romantically” you say as you rest your fork on the plate, deciding that you weren't really in the mood to eat anymore. 

Monoma scoffs, “Yeah barely...I almost broke up with shinso after that last stunt he pulled in the club” 

Momo giggles, “You're still with him?” 

His face dusts pink in embarrassment as he looks away, “A-anyway, why don't you try getting an escort” Monoma recommends and it was your turn for your face to warm. 

“An e-escort?! You do realize who we are right? If someone in here were to hear us talk about such a thing..” Momo whisper-yells and Todoroki’s eyebrow quirks up

“We all know I met Izuku through a sugar daddy website though-”

You clear your throat, “I’m not necessarily looking for you know..sex...just maybe someone to spend time with Monoma” You clarify and he's rummaging through his pockets to find his phone, he fiddles with it before showing you what the site looks like.

“Duh, escorts just get paid for their time not necessarily sex, I’ll send you the link to the website” He tells you and you sigh thoughtfully, if that was really the case then it wouldn't be so wrong to hire some cute eye candy right? 

Momo waves over the waiter, “We’ll have the check please”

“Certainly ma'am” 

+

You sat at your office’s desk with the website pulled up. You'd triple checked to make sure your door was locked, you still had a reputation to uphold as the CEO of your company, you'd be traumatized if one of your employees saw you hiring an escort. 

You scrolled through the many many options of guys. Each profile consisted of a headshot of the escort along with a bio that consisted of maybe a paragraph and . You really couldn't find anyone that suited your tastes personally, until your mouse hovered over a blonde guy. 

His bio was notably shorter than everyone else’s and in his picture he looked mean, eyebrows furrowed and red eyes staring menacingly at you and yet you found yourself clicking the ‘hire!’ button next to his name. Even though he looked like his favorite hobby was stealing candy from a baby, but his looks (as shallow as that may seem) were really speaking to you and the you between your legs if you were honest.

Bakugou Katsuki huh..well he seemed worth a try. 

+

You had been through countless scenarios were you were rightfully terrified. 

Being on a date had to be the scariest out of all of them.

Bakugou was sitting in front of you, he stirred his straw around in his coffee and looked at you while you struggled to contain the rabid beating of your heart in your chest. 

“S-So..What- um..-”

“Just relax” He interrupts, his voice sounded so nice, deep and smooth like a rich dark chocolate. It only manages to make you more nervous. 

“I’m sorry- I haven't actually done this before” you confess with a nervous chuckle, hands gripping your tea cup brutally. 

He gives you this half smile and you're unsure of wether he's actually human or a demi-god at this point. “I can tell, but don't worry there's no reason to be” 

You feel slightly comforted by his words and feel yourself let loose a little, “Okay, Bakugou, what do you like to do?” you ask.

“I like going to the gym” he shrugs, “I’m not really Interesting, I’m more curious about you” he says, he places his elbow on the table and rests his chin in the palm of his hand and leans in to you. His skin is so clear- not a blemish in sight and his eyes are practically burning a hole into your soul.

“M-me? I do nothing too important..I like to sew” you respond, taking a sip of your jasmine tea. You didn't necessarily want to tell him about who you were or what you did just yet, money and status only complicate things. For now, you just wanted to be a normal young woman going out on a date. 

“Come on, don't be shy, I know there's more to you than sewing” He says, removing the straw from his coffee and placing it on a neighboring napkin. 

You bite into your bottom lip, “Well, I honestly don't do much besides work, it’s taken up so much time in my life I can't say I do much else” you admit and Bakugou hums thoughtfully. He doesn't respond for a bit, the sounds of the coffee shop fill the silence instead. 

“Okay, I have an idea” 

You cock your head to the side curiously.

“Let’s ditch the formalities and go have some real fun, I think its about time you lived your life” he proposes and your mouth hands open. Was he serious? He looked it. You couldn't help the giddy feeling that bubbled up within you, a feeling you hadn't felt in a long time, excitement. It made you feel young again. 

“What do you say?”

“Alright!” 

+

The two of you spent all day together, visiting various hidden places around the city, you did shopping and even some sightseeing. For the first time in a while you felt alive, like you were actually a person and not just a unfeeling robot who simply lived to work. 

Your last stop was a park. With a large lake in the center Bakugou suggested you guys feed the birds before heading home. With a handful of birdseed you gently sprinkled some into the water and watched the geese gobble it up.

“When I was five, I had a huge fear of geese..” Bakugou admits and you're chuckling.

“No way, really?” you turned to face him and when you do he’s already looking at you, smiling fondly, eyes filled with an emotion that you really couldn't seem to put your finger on.

“What? Do I have something on my face that you're not telling me about?” You pout and he shakes his head before turning his attention back to the birds as he sprinkles more of the food into the lake. 

“No, just realized somethin’” 

The sun’s beginning to set now, the sky is illuminated by hues of orange and pink. You nudge him with your arm, “Realized what?” 

He turns back to face you, there's an adoring look on his face. 

“You look pretty when you're having fun” 

A look of surprise crosses your features before your ears burn in embarrassment at the sudden compliment, the butterflies in your stomach flutter around more and more the longer you two stare at each other. 

“Thanks” You mumble before looking down at your palm full of birdseed. 

+

Dates with Bakugou become more and more frequent after that. The two of you often meeting up more than you meet up with your regular friends. Bakugou doesn't even charge you anymore, even though you've tried to tell him it was fine he still insisted otherwise. The two of you even exchanged numbers and spoke quite often on the phone. Texts like,

‘this song reminded me of you’ and ‘don't work too hard, idiot’ were often exchanged. 

After maybe a month of this happening you realized that the warm feeling you got in your chest whenever Bakugou brushed your hair into place or stopped to tie your shoe for you or even when he texted you good morning wasn't because you appreciated him being a good friend, you liked him. It took a month to finally decipher your feelings for him but once you did..what the heck were you supposed to do now?

Never once in your life had you confessed to someone let alone dated them, what would happen to your friendship with Bakugou if things didn't work out? You didn't want to stop being friends with him, you loved being with him, he was the reason you finally started taking breaks and learned to relax. 

You had a ton of questions to answer for yourself but you couldn't do it right now, you had a date with Bakugou. He told you to dress up and you weren't sure where you were going but you trusted him to take you somewhere you'd enjoy. Around 8pm like promised, he was there to pick you up. His car was fairly nice, you assumed his high pay rates were being used for something but now you know what. He was wearing a black three piece suit, it was crisp and you could clearly tell it was expensive, his hair was slicked back and he had a single diamond stud in his left ear. He looked damn good. It was making you a little nervous about how fancy this place actually was. 

The drive to dinner was unusually quiet. Bakugou typically did most of the conversations with you seeing as you were mostly an awkward sausage but tonight was different, he had a stern look on his face and you felt a little worried. Bakugou noticed your nervous look in the rearview mirror and without skipping a beat placed his hand gently upon your thigh and gave it a small squeeze, this thumb moved back and forth in a soothing manner. All without taking his eyes off the road. 

You felt a shiver run up your spine and you bit your lip from potentially making any noise, you turned your head to face the window to prevent him from seeing the look on your face. 

+

Bakugou was right about the restaurant being fancy. The place was full of people you could recognize, everyone from business moguls to celebrities, it was almost a little intimidating but you knew probably how tough it was for Bakugou to even get a table reserved at this place so you decided to instead choke down any kindlings of anxiety and replace it with a gratefulness for his hard work.

You swirled the champagne around in your glass while Bakugou took a bite out of his steak, the atmosphere between you two was a little awkward and it hadn't been like this since the two of you met it was a little alarming. 

“Is something wrong..?” you ask after gently resting the glass back on the table, he wipes his mouth with his napkin and sighs.

“I’m sorry that- I seem so weird tonight” he apologizes and you shake your head.

“No no don't worry about it, I’m just worried something bad happened” you tell him, you lean forward and place your hand on his. His fingers lace themselves with yours and for a moment it feels like its just the two of you in the restaurant together. 

“Nothing bad, actually something good” he explains and you're giving him a small smile

“Something good?” you question and he leans in even closer to you.

“I mean, ever since I started hanging out with you I feel like my life's changed, I’m not one to be super cheesy but I just- fuck..I like you” his face is turning a light pink and in a moment of courage you close the small distance between the two of you and press your lips against his. He immediately reciprocates the kiss, his hand sneaks up your forearm and settles on your elbow using it to pull you in closer. 

When the kiss finally breaks the two of you are a panting mess, then you hear the waiter clear his throat and Bakugou uses his thumb to wipe the lipstick from the corner of his lips.

“Check, please”

+

Upon entering your home, there wasn't much speaking. Your arms were wrapped around his neck as his hands fumbled with the zipper on the back of your dress. The two of you blindly walked backwards until you tripped backwards onto the couch. Bakugou completely stripped you of your dress and  laid it across the back of the couch, your hands made quick work of his pants unbuttoning and unzipping them, he kicked them off eagerly uncaring of where the fabric was strewn. He cupped your cheek and continued to kiss you as he helped you wiggle out of your underwear. He sucked in a breath at feeling how wet you already were.  He ran a finger up and down your slit before gently nudging a finger inside. 

The sensation was foreign, it felt odd at first but the more he kept twisting and thrusting the finger inside of you the better it began to feel. He slid in another one and began making a scissor motion inside of you. Your hips raised off the cushions of the couch, you moaned into the kiss and eventually he pulled away from it, instead opting to kiss the skin of your neck. Your moans along with the wet sounds of his fingers fingering you open filled the space. It felt good, you could feel the knots in your stomach threaten to untangle the harder his fingers fucked themselves into you. 

His movements slowly came to a halt and he slid his fingers out. Your eyes clouded with tears and your legs were shaking, disappointed that he stopped when you were so close. He pulled his cock from his underwear and began stroking it over you.

“Ready?” He asks as he grinds his cock against your twitching entrance and you're gripping his shoulder before he makes another move. 

“A-actually..please just be gentle its-i’ve never done this before” you confess and his eyes widen for once, taken aback by your sudden profession. He gives you a small nod, “Promise.”

With one smooth stroke he bottoms out within you. Your back is arching off the couch as your mouth hangs open in a silent cry. The feeling is an addicting mix of pain and pleasure that has the tears you were holding in begin to roll down your cheeks, Bakugou gently kisses them away and uses his fingers to wipe away the stray tears. For a while, you're simply holding each other, bakugou whispers words of comfort in your ears while you slowly familiarize yourself with having him inside of you. 

When Bakugou feels your hips begin to move against his, he takes that as his sign to begin moving. His thrusts start shallow, hips just barely touching yours as he doesn't want to hurt you and you quickly become frustrated with his kindness. Your legs wrap around his waist and pull him closer to you, forcing him to bottom out inside you again. You whine his name and he shakes his head. 

“And here I was trying to be considerate” he huffs out, you grip his tie and pull him down and press a gentle kiss against his lips. 

“I didn't ask you to take it easy on me” you remind him and he scoffs

“You asked for this”

You're suddenly flipped onto your stomach and he raises your hips in the air, he pulls himself all the way out of you until the head of his cock is the only thing you can still feel inside of you, he rams his cock back into you and you're gripping the couch for dear life. His hips are ruthless, lewd slapping noises fill the room as the head of his cock kisses your cervix with every thrust. His heavy balls  greet your clit with an unceremonious slap. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, you can't think of anything else except Bakugou. You'd been completely fucked dumb on your first time. 

You feel Bakugou’s fingers lace into your hair and grip the roots before pulling at them and forcing your head back. A jolt of pleasure flows through your body as his cock pushes up against your g-spot, your legs and kicking around behind you.

“No! cum-cumming kats I-” you can hardly finish your own sentence due to how hard your orgasm hits you, your body his shaking as bakugou releases your hair and uses his free hand to grip your waist as he desperately humps you, chasing his own release. Your cunt spasms around him in overstimulation, Katsuki only curses under his breath as you squeeze down on him, your cunt clamps down on his cock as you're brought to your second orgasm and his movements finally begin to slow and an unfamiliar warm fills your tummy. 

He doesn't pull out right away. Instead he gently lays you backwards onto his chest and you snuggle into his chest. 

He whistles, “Nice place”

“Pfft- don't try to make small talk with me after you just finished banging me” you giggle sleepily.

“Fair enough, still, I’m curious about how you can even afford this place” he wonders, hand rubbing up and down your back, only easing you closer to falling asleep.

“Hard work” you reply he takes your hand in his and kisses the back of it. 

“That’s my hard working girl” 

you feel the butterflies swarm around your stomach all over again at his small comment. 

“Does this mean we're dating now?” you ask and he gives you a little chuckle.

“Yes, if you want” 

“Good then you're my boyfriend” your eyes are fluttering closed at this point, you merely nuzzle into his chest and he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead. 

“Goodnight love” 

“Night Kats..”