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#i feel so bad and sad about it idk what to do
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RACEWAY AU INCORRECT QUOTES
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Kinger: "Do you think God stays in heaven because he too fears what he has created?"
Abel: "What the [%$!#] are you on?"
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Gangle: "This is so sad...Bubble, play Despacito."
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Caine: "I don't know if I give the air of knowing things, but I really don't."
Seth: "Your secret is safe with my indifference.
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Loo: "Why are you smiling?"
Gummigoo: "Can't I just be happy?"
Pomni: "Jax crashed on the final lap."
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Pomni: "Caine and I don’t use pet names."
Ragatha: "I see. Hey, what do bees make?"
Pomni: "Honey?"
Caine: "Yes, dear?"
Pomni: *sweats*
Ragatha: "Don't ever lie to my face again."
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Pomni: "MY LIFE IS IN THE HANDS OF AN IDIOT!!"
Caine: *gesturing to himself and Seth* "No, no, TWO idiots."
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Gangle: "I actually have a black belt."
Ragatha: "In karate?"
Gangle: "No, from Gucci."
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Jax: "Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist (mostly). I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground."
Zooble: "Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that."
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Kinger: "A theif."
Zooble: "Thief?"
Kinger: "Theif."
Zooble: "I before E, except after C."
Kinger: "...Thceif."
Zooble: "No."
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Caine: "Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something."
Seth: "You don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass."
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Ragatha: "If you had to choose between Jax and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?"
Gummigoo: "That depends, how much money are we taking about?"
Jax: "Hey!"
Ragatha: "63 cents."
Gummigoo: "I'll take the money."
Jax: "HEY!!"
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Loo: "WHY. why did you give Gangle a KNIFE?!"
Ragatha: "She said she felt unsafe."
Loo: "Now I feel unsafe!"
Ragatha: "I’m sorry... would you like a knife?"
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Caine: "How's the most beautiful person here~?"
Pomni: "I don't know, how are they~?"
Caine: *flustered* "I-"
Seth: *from across the room* "I'm doing great, thanks!"
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Jax: "We need to get through this locked door. Kinger, give me your credit card."
Kinger: Here.
Jax: "Thanks." *Pockets the card* "Zooble, kick down the door."
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Pomni: "Seth, can I talk to you for a second?"
Seth: "Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Caine are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?"
Pomni: *blushing furiously* "What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books."
Seth: *snorts*
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Gangle: "Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night."
Ragatha: "You were flirting with Zooble."
Gangle: "So what? They're my partner."
Ragatha: "You asked them if they were single."
Gangle:
Ragatha: "And then you cried when they said they weren't."
~
Caine: "Pomni, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?"
Pomni: "I don’t know, love you, talk to you later."
Caine: "Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Kinger."
Pomni: *realizing* "WAIT-"
~
Pomni: "You have to apologize to Caine."
Seth: "Fine....Unfuck you or whatever."
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Jax: "Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container."
Kinger: "The cow???"
Jax: "What?"
Ragatha: "Kinger, W H Y?"
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Pomni: "Do you have any skeletons in your closet?"
Abel: "You mean literally or figuratively?"
Pomni: "Honestly, the fact that I have to specify..."
~~~
A/N: Heh, these where fun. I might need to do more
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wannaeatramyeon · 19 hours
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We got baby/childhood panel of Daniel, Jake, Zack, Johan, and recently Gun.
I can't stop think on how cute and chubby baby Gun is lol
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Lookism 520 spoiler!
Lol. This feels very duality of man. Baby Gun coming out with UI made me lol.
Ok, gather round for Ramyeon's retelling of chapter 520.
So PTJ, with his fondness for SAD backstories cooked up one for Gun. And while it's not terrible and I didn't get food poisoning, it's tasting a bit bland because everyone is getting a SAD backstory and it's getting old y'know?
Onto the chapter-
Everyone is in love with Daddy Yamazaki, and for some reason that is bad and all the ladies chop their pinkies off to idk repent for their sins or something but even though the relationship appears to be consensual because he's had sex consensually with them all, it's still the women's fault.
In the end, the great big kind man that Daddy Yamazaki is lets them all carry his kids. Thank the heavens.
Daddy Yamazaki has Smaller Bro Yamazaki who also has a son btw (Haruto) - this is sort of important but it's hard to really feel much for them cos the son character (Haruto) has just been introduced in this chapter and will be likely killed off soon.
Anyway, I digress.
All the babies born are unimpressive so far. And you may think wtf how are babies unimpressive. Babies are just babies. Well, that's because Gun comes whooshing out the (Korean) womb with UI. Bro has built in UI from the start, kinda an impossible standard to reach so fine I get why the other babies are unimpressive.
Although if all the babies are unimpressive apart from Gun, the common denominator here is Daddy Yamazaki so maybe everyone should point the finger at him instead. Hmmm.
The chapter fast forwards to show Gun is a prodigy, he masters his training. He's only five and a kid, so he plays around with his friend but gets slapped by his mother for being a kid because it's not becoming of a future gang leader.
So even though he's FIVE, he still gets told to 'act accordingly' lol.
I think there's another timeskip, or PTJ really has lost the plot and forgotten what five year olds look like (tbh he has forgotten what 'elementary school' aged kids look like too) and Gun, genius that he is and following his mother's words takes down all the gangs in ONE DAY. WHEW.
But, PTJ is trying to desperately show it's nurture not nature. Gun wanted normal things but has been moulded to become a monster.
Gun's mother praises him for his violence and his deeds, and Gun wonders 'Huh, if mother dearest loves when I fight, and I must fight to be loved, what happens if I'm violent towards her?'. He punches her and gets praised for it.
Please see above point.
And another fast forward in time (presumably) to Gun trying to squish butterflies like the maniac he is.
Anyway, remember Smaller Bro Yamazaki's kid, Haruto, that was mentioned? Well he's the only one throughout that looked at Gun as if he was normal and told Gun he was free to do as he wants. He doesn't have to fight. Or have to be a leader if he doesn't wanna.
And sweet lil Gun doesn't really wanna, so he makes up his mind and tells Smaller Bro Yamazaki.
Smaller Bro Yamazaki loses his shit and is all who the fuck told you this nonsense. Gun snitches on Haruto, and this snitch doesn't get stitches and instead Haruto does when Smaller Bro Yamazaki tells Gun to kill Haruto. His own father tells Gun to kill HIS kid!
Dun dun dun CLIFFHANGER!
Overall very sad, very unfortunate. But please see my first point about PTJ's cooking.
I'm assuming in the coming chapters Haruto gets killed off. I would be super surprised if he doesn't because Gun, despite me being delusional and thinking he's just a sweet lil blorbo, is something of a murderous psychopath. It's more fitting of his character if he just kills off Haruto even if he has a moment of hesitation or any regrets.
Hope that helps!
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aroaceleovaldez · 2 months
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i would like to say my ideal PJO adaptation (if i was being physically forced against my will to have to pick a live action adaptation over an animated one for some reason) would be a combo like writing of the musical + casting of the show + visuals of the movies
BUT the show actually does have the playwright for the musical as one of the major writers for like three episodes and that did nothing for it. so...
#pjo#riordanverse#pjo tv crit#i do love the casting for the musical lots and lots though#it was really good#i do also have some nitpicks for show casting but they're largely inconsequential#like majority i very much enjoy and think are cast well#i only have one i'd say im actually disappointed with and that's Poseidon. idk he just feels. bland??? does that make sense?#like idk maybe it's the costuming but im not getting Sea God *or* Fishing Dad from him#like i think i kinda see what they were going for and i saw some gifs of him in another show where he plays a pirate and its like#okay. *little* bit better. but idk im just not getting Poseidon from it#in general most of the immortals in the show dont feel very Immortal(tm) but thats definitely mostly just the writing/show itself#not any reflection of the casting#my only other two are i would have liked plus sized Clarisse. i am VERY sad we didnt get that#Dior is a VERY good Clarisse though so i'm not too upset about it. i like her Clarisse energy. the yelling is fantastic.#my most controversial pjo tv take is im still meh on Walker. like he's fine. but like he's kind of Just Fine to me so far#its probably mostly the writing being bad but he hasnt grown on me as Percy yet. i can tell he has the energy though in interviews n stuff#and the main trio dynamic in interviews and stuff is *very* good. i just wish the show writing was better#because the casting IS very good but they have so little to work with. you can really tell theyre trying their best#i like to joke the show would be better if they just set the cast loose in the woods doing in-character improv#like its clear basically all of them know their characters SUPER well. id watch 8 episodes of in the woods pjo cosplay improv.
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astralleywright · 1 year
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Marisha's comment about how Relvin is one of those parents who ended up with a child they didn't know what to do with really gets to the heart of it, i think, and is such a good way to tie the fantasy element of Imogen's powers into things more tangible. because there are really a lot of parents like Relvin in real life, who have a child with the person they're happily married to and never expect to be left alone with the kid. or who expect a ""normal"" (read: cisgender and heterosexual, able-bodied, relatively neurotypical and obedient, etc.) child and end up with one who's ""difficult"", who demands more or different of them than what they believe they signed up for. and that's not entirely entitlement on a parent's part- many cultures' common frameworks of parenthood and child-rearing do not include space for these children. it makes sense that Relvin was unprepared. raising any child is difficult, and raising a child whose needs you were never taught how to accommodate, who the world is so cruel to, is even more challenging.
and yet. and yet, the person who bears the brunt of the harm in these situations will always be the child. they're the ones who have to live every moment of how the world treats them, without the support that their parent is supposed to provide them. and when asked to care for his child even when she turned out to be ""difficult"", Relvin couldn't. for entirely sympathetic reasons, of course. he tried, in his own way. i don't think he's a bad guy. but he's let his own broken heart bleed onto his daughter. he hasn't been able to give her much else.
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odysseys-blood · 10 months
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i wonder how much longer the devils' lifespan is compared to a human. because the kings have been around for AGES when you take into account the fact that they were all full fledged adults with their countries well established by the time solomon first made contact with them. but also what's been messing me up about the longevity of their lives is the fact that the mc meets children! (from satan's bath card preview)
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and from this conversation with sitri and ppyong devils are no longer being born because lilith, mother of all devils, has disappeared along with god and solomon. (ch3)
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of course we know solomon is dead but the other two's existences are kinda up in the air at the moment. and with the fact that they all disappeared a long time ago its been. a few millenia which means any devil children have been babies and children for. a VERY long time from a humn perspective. and in that time many generations have sprung up between solomon's death and the mc being born. but also time passes differently in hell (likely slower from the fact that mc wasn't aware that the anniversary of their parents' death approached and passed (in ch4), as well as the fact that sitri says solomon spent a century in hell when solomon only made it to his 50s on earth (unles pretty busy has changed this for the story but i dont think they have)
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with how all the devil's act you really would think that solomon disappeared just yesterday to them! thousands of years have passed on earth but theyre still heartbroken like they last spoke to him just last week! how short is the life span of a human to them. is it just like a blink and you're gone. are they aware of how limited their time with the mc is. because even with hell being so technologically avanced there's death every day. there is no cure for death. you will die and they still haven't even coped well with the death of a man that lived so long ago.
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#what in hell is bad#whb spoilers#its just. AUGH.#i know theres also a likelihood that mc will go back to earth long before they die#or at least thats the plan#but would their entire time in hell just feel like a week to the demons?#its just sad to think about#and then they'd be getting sucker punched twice losing solomon and his refraction in what feels like a short period#of time for them#also thinking abt if the mc were to have a child with one of the 72 upper devils or kings#its likely that they'd die pretty early on in that chil'd life yknow#regardless of whether that child grows up in hell or on earth considering unholycs i believe also live long#(ik that tie in was likely just done for fun but im using it anyways)#so like. idk.#has pretty busy put that much thought into any of this and the cohesiveness of their own narrative?#most likely not.#will i overthink it anyways?#absolutely i have adhd and anxiety all i do is overthink#so sorry for long media analysis in the tags#it will happen again.#edit: nawt me being vagued in the tags w/ a point i wasnt even making lmao#the bit abt minhyeok's substory in ch4 was abt being disoriented bc of the difference#to the point where the mc did not notice the approach of such an important date tho there is a lot going on also#not 'oh i think its been a year'. thats stupid.#id give the events of ch1-4 like. a span of a week in hell tops. barely even that if im bein honest#if itd been a whole year i dont think mc would still be trying to adapt
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moeblob · 6 months
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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pyrotechnicarus · 2 months
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Scale of 1-10, how emotionally devastating was I Saw The TV Glow?
I can't express how important it is for you to watch it right now immediately. Maybe with a friend to cry about it after.
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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syrasenturi · 2 years
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scribbly amphibbies
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bonus christmas garfapillar
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chrisbangs · 9 months
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻‍♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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tanicus-caesareth · 5 months
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guarana drama, damage control
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54625 · 3 months
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dude
#do you ever just feel like if the colour grey was an emotion#i feel bored and empty#not entirely sure why that is but i don't think the QSMP's... everything is helping#i guess it's only natural that a source of comfort shrivelling and dying ends up making you feel a little worse#I'd be lying if i said I wasn't sad every time i open the QSMPtag and the most recent post was like 4 hours ago and there have only been#like thirty posts in the past day#either way#yeah feeling a little. ehh#dude I'll be completely honest#when i posted that most recent fanart i put my phone down for a couple hours#and when i came back to check up on how the post had been doing#and it had like 18 notes. a couple hours after I posted it. idk what I expected but in my head i was hoping for over fifty at the very least#I'd be lying if I said that didn't break my heart a bit#the post didn't end up doing terribly after that though; roughly ≈450 notes isn't. bad? but i spent 11 fucking hours on that damn thing#at least i got some really nice compliments on it#but that initial disappointment stung enough that my motivation to put effort into fanart again is. definitely absent right now#i guess i can't expect a huge turnout with how empty the fandom is now#but sometimes i see other artists in the fandom get so much attention so quickly and i wonder what I'm doing wrong#maybe it's a skill issue lmfao#whatever. feeling a little unfulfilled right now and wanted to get it off my chest. don't expect massive engagement from me#I'm not going anywhere I'm just not super enthusiastic at the moment#who knows maybe I'll find things to be hyped about and talk extensively about
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werebutch · 4 months
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Omg it would be way easier if my bff just ignored me and changed the subject but instead I have to wait like a week for him to just say “that sucks wtf” to my rant 🤦
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lovelaceisntdead · 4 months
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i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
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