#i feel sick to my stomach right now fuck
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if you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why no one's commented on your hiatus status(es), i'll help you figure out why
you're behaving like a selfish, entitled bitch. you're throwing a pity-me-party while you accuse people of favoritism in the same breath. like, no wonder your ~CoMmUniTy~ won't feel sorry for you, or interact with your bad artwork or your other uninspired bullshit when you bitchfit that no one's sharing your shit: no one wants to interact with that melodrama. there's better writers out there that don't cry about interaction bullshit.
you need to grow the fuck up, and maybe do people all a favor by not coming back.
Wow... thank you for sending me this present shortly before Christmas (Dec. 20th, to be exact). Real lovely stuff.
So listen while I break this down by section and say things later on that I don't mean:
If you're going to call me an 'entitled bitch' or criticize my content, you should really take ownership of your words like a grown-up first. You're welcome to those opinions, I suppose; but it means NOTHING when you send me this from a position of cowardice. If your goal was to hurt my feelings and upset me, I would only award you with partial congratulations, if that.
I'll concede it was a bit of a "bitchfit" if it makes you happy, because yes, it kind of was. I'll take ownership of that: I should have been better, and I wasn't. I should have been a lot calmer, and I wasn't.
Maybe then more people would have given a damn about me and what I had to say. Or maybe they wouldn't. I don't know anymore, quite frankly. I can't say I ever did.
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Your point about "better writers out there [who] don't cry about interaction bullshit" is wrong, by the way. I can think of several fan writers (and I'm not going to compare content quality because that's gross) either on my dashboard or in fandom tags (many with larger followings + outreach than me) who've complained about lowered interaction these days at one time or another.
Or several times, even. It was largely and perfectly fine when they spoke up about it. Weird to me, anon, how it's okay when these unnamed and so-called "better writers" speak up, but not the little guys.
Some people are a little too comfortable telling those with smaller followings/outreach to just suck it up because interaction has been bad for everyone lately. Or placate themselves with excuses for why they didn't offer any sympathy to people who admit to struggling with feeling like belonging, or those wishing they felt more included. Noticed. Remembered. (Whatever the case may be.)
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I mean I've seen who repeatedly makes the cut on these stale recommendation lists that float around… Your 'pool of so many talented writers/artists in this fandom' is more of a damn puddle. You'll have to fucking forgive me for just wishing to be remembered (for one or the other) and included in these little "~fandom enrichment activities~" at this point once in a damn while! Why's it such a fucking crime to you, anon, that I just want people to remember I'm here too?
I spoke my feelings about things feeling like a popularity contest rather than a true community back in December, and you thought that warrants calling me a selfish, entitled bitch? Telling me do people a favor and not come back?
What the fuck??????
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I think you're something of a rancid tar pit for hoping to kick someone while they were down, or whatever it was you intended by all that. Did you get the warm and fuzzies typing this out? Did you feel good about yourself for choosing to be malicious to someone going through a hard time? Someone admitted they were going through a hard time between Seasonal Affective Disorder, and being upset about a lot of trivial stuff, and you thought "Hey; let's pile on!" was the correct solution rather than offer any kindness where you had witnessed a lack of?
It would be so tempting to stoop to your level and wish you nothing but ill on top of telling you to do me a favor and fuck off; I'm going to encourage you to learn to have a little more compassion for people instead and be a better person than whatever you are now going forward. May you learn to be kinder to people in the future, anon… You make the world a far better place that way.
#bad anon no biscuit#lesson for next time is to just ghost the blog for a month since no one's going to notice or care I guess. only tell you to leave#that's only partial sarcasm#a couple of people showed they cared or said nice things before the holidays. and to that short list of people I just want to say thank you#otherwise my activity page was very quiet#and some other things happened that reinforced my decision to not really want to participate with this space for the time being#simple fact there's someone out there who's too comfortable with being nasty to people and telling you to fuck off...#fuck man!!!! it's been a long time since crying over some damn anon hate but this was too much for me#''help you figure out why'' no you're not being helpful you're actually just being a prick for no good reason!#im done im so fucking tired i don't want to look at this fucking ask anymore#i feel sick to my stomach right now fuck
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https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS6DqqjKE/
😭❤️🔥
the way he fuckjsing STUDTTEREDDDDRD MIKE BROWNNNN DUKE TOSSBIN WHOEVER THE FUCKKKKKK WHEN I CATCH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
i can't do this.
#ask#now why would you send me this..........#from the emojis i thought you were sending me a thirst edit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#saw it was buffering on tees face didnt perceive anything else got so pumped and THEN FUCKING TAYLORS NEW YEARS DAY??????????#god i just ate lunch everythings coming back up#also like mike brown usually sits by the sidelines during practice or whatever and duke too like#i didn't know that!#all those higher ups usually are present /sometimes/ during practices etc#baffles me#pisses me off#fucking fight me.#last game in stripes i need everyone who has ever had that though to knock on wood and spit that shit OUT right the fuck now. NOWWWWWWWWWW.#every shot of joe smiling at tee so fondly hugging him man what if i just die.#joe burrow#tee higgins#third (?) time negotiating his fucking contract with this team i feel so sick to my stomach
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you know what really pisses me off? so many people acting like he is the worst person out there and no one will miss him. A LOT of people are grieving now and missing him including people that these people supposedly follow and care about. liam was not the supervillain people wanted him to be. he was messed up and did messed up things likely because of what happened to him. this conversation deserves so much more nuance than people are giving it. and maybe it’s too early to have this conversation now but it’s helping me process and grieve so i’m really writing this for me. people are complex and doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person or someone worthy of death without being given the chance to make things right. and another thing, it is SO hypocritical to make fun of him and look down on him like he’s the ultimate Bad Guy meanwhile i bet every single person you have ever admired in the spotlight has likely also done bad things or at least things you wouldn’t be proud of. fame is an illness and it can cause people to harm others because they were hurt themselves. human beings are a culmination of everything that they’ve been through and everything they’ve done. he is not only the bad things he’s done and it’s okay and normal to grieve him as a whole person, because he was one.
#i’m glad most people are asleep right now so i could write this#i’m just so fed up with all the jokes on his behalf#people are IN PAIN. i’m sick to my stomach#liam wasn’t evil. he was messed up clearly otherwise he wouldn’t have been so intoxicated#man’s it drives me to insanity that these people who ‘stan’ an artist any artist could be so hypocritical right now#you don’t KNOW these people. they are famous and fame is an illness#it fucks up your brain and makes you do shitty things and act in ways people and yourself dont even recognize#EVERY celebrity has done something shitty in their lives and will continue to do so because that’s the price of admission#yes it was serious what he has done and that shouldn’t be swept under the rug but people are more than their worst moments#i feel so sick and dizzy over this. seeing all this shit about him everywhere is making me ill. i wish it would stop#i also feel for maya. this post isn’t to erase her trauma and experience at all. she has every right to speak her truth.#just have more compassion for people on all sides for christ’s sake#where is the humanity#grief#death tw#lp
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ok I thought about things and started feeling evil so it's bed time now
#probably not a good thing that this fandom keeps making me feel sick to my stomach from anxiety#at least I'm a big boy now so Sometimes I can remember I actually don't give a fuck and I get normal again#cause really it is kind of silly to try to base everything i do on what some other guy in the fandom thinks is “right”#we r all just playing touys. it is not that serious. peace and love#nevermeanttospeak
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anyone want to be a shoulder to lean on and cry on rn or like?
#camera talks#I’m having a fucking bad day what the hell#I need to cry but I’m stuck at school right now and I’m so so upset#and I don’t feel like I can explain bc it’s just the same problem I’ve had for weeks#but How do you talk to people about this when it feels like some times you’re definitely overreacting#but other times you’re so so not#like Fuck#I want to run away from home lmao#I feel sick to my stomach for feeling this way#godddddd#I need a therapist so bad#vent#delete later#don’t take this seriously probably#I just need to cry for a while and maybe I’ll get normal. I don’t get why I feel better when I’m not around them whatever
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welp dunno what i was yesterday but i'm kinda glad i didn't find out cause it probably would've killed me. back at 127 point something today, right where i was when i was maintaining. right on the fucking cusp of uw. praying these ""metabolism days"" (even though i purged my omad and laxed yesterday so. dunno if that counts) have broken the plateau and tomorrow i will be lighter. anyways i understand why debbie ryan started killing in that one netflix show
#i am losing my fucking mind#in another universe i am normal about food and my body and not putting myself through hell for fucking nothing#feeling sick to my stomach right now though so i think i'll go make some tea and try to gaslight myself into a good mood
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oh. .. .....
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#mild spoiler under here but spoiler nonetheless#just know im SICK to my stomach right now over this to be doing this while mobilizing... sick and twisted#every time they have to be apart im distraught#imagine how they fucking feel im just a random fucking third party#god ... i could push through ....... and finish it......#but idk if im strong enough at present#my dumbass
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Mike johnson has so god damn much blood on his hands, obviously Ukrainian blood, but also plenty of American blood
Refusing to renew something that helps vets exposed to atomic blast and Americans who were downwind of the fall out... it's just sick. I can't fucking stand mike johnson, he's one of the worst scum to ever be in congress, and that's fucking saying something
"Johnson refused to allow House members to vote on bipartisan legislation to renew and improve the program"
Fucking quivering little pimple seems to have a real MO for just wringing his hands while insisting it's not his fault, he just can't do the one fucking part of his job of putting shit up to a vote... oh boo hoo, so sad, he'll just have to unilaterally let funding expire on things instead of literally just putting it up to our elected representatives to see if they want to vote yay or nay
Single handedly make the choices but it's not his fault when they work out how they do
Murderer
#I'm sorry; I both genuinely hate the man and will never forgive him; so seeing this just adds more fuel to that fire#and I'm also genuinely pissed to hear that we aren't gonna be bothering to fucking help out people we fucked over#it's fucking sick#listen; I try not to talk politics too much and I try not to tell people how to vote cause it's not really my business#and cause I don't like arguing with people on tumblr; waste of my time#but for all the dems many many many many many fucking flaws; it's shit like this that makes me hate the gop#every last line about sticking up for rural or poor people or whatever is such a fucking lie#god bless our troops... unless it would cost money to compensate them for making them stand near atomic detonations#at every turn I see fucking simple easy decent bipartisan policy shot down but fuckers like johnson; who is the gop at this point#fuck em; can't stand em#go fucking vote if you can in whatever country you're in; try and get a mail in ballot for your sake#I'm still not gonna tell you how to vote but uh... maybe keep in mind when someone's hands are fucking caked in blood#and keep in mind what kind of company people keep in their political party#fucking murder#cause inaction is murder as sure as if he stood their and kept them from getting treatment directly#removing the funding to let these people get cancers and stuff operated on#it's the same as murder#and again; that's not even going back to him personally; like literally it was just him and him alone#holding up aid to Ukraine for months because he refused to put it to the floor#where... oh look... once it was put to the floor it passed just fine (with a fucking tiktok ban added)#(hate that site but I hate government overreach with this kinda shit more)#one of the few people in this world I think I actually truly hate#I'm never gonna fucking stomach the 'he was so brave for holding a vote' shit lie#bullshit; if he had a spine or a soul he would have brought Ukraine aid to the floor before funding ran out#just like if he had a spine or a soul he'd have brought this radiation victim funding to the floor before it ran out#almost like there's a fucking pattern here of him squirming like a pus filled pimple simpering about how he just can't do his job#can't do the one fucking thing he's supposed to do and bring shit to the floor for a vote#I have more opinions on him; but if I said how I really feel right now I think it would get me put on a list#and... sadly just cause of who I am; if I were in a room alone with him I think I'd just lay into him instead of beating his ass#but he's a fucking monster and reading this story just now... I'm almost seeing red with how much it's pissing me off
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i feel like vomiting.
#i hate men. why do they play with me like this#i did the right things this time#so why am i stuck here alone and stood up again#for the SECOND TIME#like what the fuck#we were gonna make cake pops together and now i’m sitting in my dining room alone like a fucking loser cause i burnt my fucking cake waitin#g for him#am i also on my period? maybe.#fuck tho man like#ugh#god#i feel sick to my stomach#like actual gut clenching#i fucking wish i never met him he’s so amazing until shit like this#he’s so perfect for me but he gets so distant outta nowhere#which he literally cant help#but don’t tell me you’re literally on your fucking way then ditch me to sit alone crying again#idk maybe i’m just crazy#hormones. amiright??#[delete delete delete]
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Haha, no dude, it's uuuuuuuh, totally normal to treat people's personal creations like a corporate franchise, nah nah, it's not even a little weird that the only way you interact with fandom is by mindlessly consuming content and reposting other people's work, I'm sure it's totally fine to just disregard the creator's wishes as long as you get to have your 2 minutes of fun with "your" new blorbos before your criminally short attention span moves onto the next thing for you to mindlessly consume, yeah, haha, I'm sure framing the creator's struggle to keep control of their work as a threat to your future ability to continue to consume content isn't totally self-centered or tone-deaf. No yeah man, haha, totally normal
#Can you tell that I'm extremely mad at the state of things?#I don't know who all is following Clown's struggles with W/elcome H/ome#but I'm extremely upset on his behalf because so many people are treating his passion project so mindlessly#And like fuck man he's struggling with this new found popularity and so many people just rushed to see his work as a product to swallow up#And it's mind-numbingly horrible to me that so many people can't see Clown as a person#This isn't anything new there have always been these mindless content consumers in internet spaces#but damn it's so bad now because content consumption has just become so easy and people don't really interact with art like they used to#Like it's so disappointing for me to see how thoughtlessly people have disregarded Clown's rules about his work#Like fuck have y'all see how fast people made public merchandise of his work??? It makes me sick to my stomach#I was already following Clown's work before Welcome Home blew up and I really feel for him right now#Sorry for the whole post written in the tags lol
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my issue is that I always fall into the trap of thinking progress is linear and I get so disappointed in myself when that’s not the case
#just had a breakup related breakdown my first bad one since the initial aftermath#I’m so frustrated with myself and how a part of me larger than I want to admit wants him back#i want my friends my family my life and I want him too#and it makes me feel so pathetic and sick to my stomach and#i just want to get over it already#he doesn’t care about me like I care about him#and he doesn’t deserve me#and he’s probably fucking moving on idk#but right now none of that is helping me#I’m just fucking heartbroken#fuck him fuck him fuck him
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:( i was so close to finally getting my sleep schedule fixed but for some reason my alarm didnt fucking go off so i slept a full 8 hours instead of taking a 3 hour nap. i was supposed to to to bed in like. 5 hours. not gonna happen now 😔
#this is genuinely upsetting ive been trying for a MONTH now to readjust things so im not sleeping#during the entirety of the day#bc i like have Important Shit To Do#but i simply cannot stay awake when the sun is out and i simply cannot sleep when it is dark. just end me#like genuinely about to cry. ive been needing to call the fucking office about my work program#bc they forgot to . im acruwllt too upset to words right now. but theh forgot to “something” and ive#been trying to call them for WEEKS#but no matter how many alarms i set my ass is UNCONSCIOUSS for all of their business hours.#im so fucking sick of it i was sleeping just fine at night just two months ago.#but i physically cannot stay awake for a full 16 hours#so i keep taking a nap when i mean to sleep - just sleeping like an hour and then being physically unable to sleep more#and then when i try to take a nap i just sleep for 6-8 hours no matter how many alarms i have set.#i THINK the problem is im able to turn off my alarm without waking up.#i have to solve a little puzzle to turn it off but that doesnt help :(#like it aint aeven entirelt about me bc i could sene thenoffice an email whenever.#but id prefer to do it during business hours cause i already sent one in the night and they never responded#but More Importantly#the animals keep not getting fed at all bc im asleep :((#oh and Also my stomach is fucked#bc i wasnt expecting to sleep so long so i didnt eat beforehad..... now im so hingry i feel like im gonna hu#hurl*
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It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.
#horse.txt#vent //#its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to#'start getting serious' about it#and i do. i do.#im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special#but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that#i have no idea what the fuck to do#i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off#but i still can't fucking get through them#i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out#and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more#i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there#but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy#i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore#im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!!#the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach#man. i dont know. idk#sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi#ill be fine#just might be a tense Christmas apparently.
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Wanting to tell my little sister what's wrong vs not because she's part of what's wrong
Another tag venting.
#the not side is winning#luckily i was able to pull off the 'my sinuses are bothering me' card#now i just feel sick to my stomach. which. isnt a good thing.#fucking hell to the world right now.. fuck these goddamn tears.. fuck caring so much..#i care too much and i cant fucking help it.. i want others happy before thinking about myself which..#right. sorry. shutting up.
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#genuinely can’t figure out why I’m so fucking exhausted today like#I’m so weak i can’t even sit up n my stomach feels all weird n I’ve had a headache for hours#it’s like I’m sick except like . i don’t have a cold or anything ?#or like. it actually feels like the day after being sick when you’re just completely wiped out#and i can fucking figure out why . n it’s so frustrating to not know#i don’t know what to do :/ i kind of want to take a bath or eat something but#both would be way too much energy right now . I’m so tired#idk
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