#i feel she identifies with the word female but not woman if that makes sense | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ayrtonswnna · 2 months ago

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ʚɞ "can you bring my girlfriend?" OP81

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋮ angst, hurt/comfort, fluff. word count: 1,7k

✧₊⁺ oscar piastri x carina duquez (female!oc)

summary: when oscar feels too much, but he'll always have his girlfriend to share life.

warnings: autor with an addiction to angst writing, mentions of a panic/anxiety attack, soft!oscar for the win, lando norris as a special guest.

Oscar feels overwhelmed.

Bahrain gets the hottest track of the year, a hard race to say the least. It feels like there's too much going on, almost like the McLaren driver could sense his skin burning even out of the car.

He usually holds good control over himself; a very disciplined athlete, he heard every call on the radio and hydrated just as much as he could, but the fuzzy feeling won't leave him.

Seeing bright and blind sparks where his vision should be, an anxiety wave crashing in his chest as he stumbles inside the papaya box.

It's not just the heat, being so self-aware makes him sure of that. The medical team follows him inside, just a plain sight, there are people around, but everything seems just too far away. Soaked in sweat and cold water, his heart is beating too fast for him to think clearly.

He needs to get Carina.

Also known as his girlfriend, his baby, his physiologist. Like, legally. Like what she does for a living. Oscar can't be her patient as part of the conduct, but she often helps him out with that kind of stuff, like identifying whether it's physical pain or just anxiety.

"No, I'm okay. I'm okay," the pilot waves his hands as the doctors approach, really focused on keeping his breath regular. "Can you just get my girlfriend? She's somewhere in the VIP. I really need her right now."

"I know you might want some comfort right now, but I need to check you right away."

"You can! Just bring my girlfriend. Can you bring my girlfriend?" As soon as he understood that the man in front of him wasn't going to move, he asked someone in the back. "She'll be here in seconds. I'll let you touch me as soon as she says I'm okay."

Yeah, the doctor is right. Oscar just wants some comfort right now. Carina, besides being very good at what she does for a living, is also an incredibly amazing girlfriend. Her powers go beyond what she studied for.

And heaven seems to be on their side today. One of the guys on the medical team heads out of the room, and Oscar just tries to breathe slowly and deeply.

Carina is there, body almost hanging on the half-wall of the accommodation, trying to get any sign of what's going on inside the papaya garage. Usually, he would wave to her every time he left the car, and that didn't happen today. She felt a sharp pain in her chest, worrying if something had happened.

She's right, somehow. Somebody dressed in McLaren's staff uniform came for her with a pass for the boxes zone and a calming voice, telling her not to worry, that Oscar is okay and just requested her presence.

But, well... Carina knows the boyfriend she got herself. There are not many people who can get into his sensitive space, and if she's being called, there is something sensitive happening. The Aussie girl flew down the access stairs and followed the woman into the light-weighted door, a few seconds until she could see Oscar's red face resting up, the back of his head against the wall, and his body curled up together.

"Hey, Osc." She uses her softest tone, leaving her purse and phone on the closest surface as she approaches. "Pretty hot track, huh?"

Easy to guess. In the past few months, all this F1 pressure started kicking in, the perks of driving a rocketship with such ability, being this much of a promise brought some other stuff to the table.

"Yeah." He muttered, eyes closed, face red. "Am I fine? I can't really feel my face or my hands... Whatever. I can't feel much. Am I okay?"

It'd be funny in some other situation. Oscar does look like a serious guy, like someone too calm and put-together. He tries very hard to be. But sometimes, just like everyone else, he wants someone with answers.

Someone else to think for him, to figure out why everything feels so tangled up.

"Fine as always." Carina keeps her voice low, the good kind of lie. He just needed to feel like he's in control. "Your face is just bloody red, but you know I really find you the cutest when you're like this."

"Stop it." A shy little laugh leaves the Aussie's lips, really less worried as she zips his fireproof down and reaches the sides of his neck, rubbing her cold hands. "Hmm... That feels good."

"Yeah? You're just overheated, okay? Can the doctors check you out? We just need to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah- Yeah, of course. You'll stay here, right? Don't leave, please."

"I'll never leave you. Let's just get checked, and then you'll head home."

So Oscar finally feels comfortable enough to let the other people in the room touch him. Carina stays by his side, even talks to the doctors, and fixes his hair sometimes.

"Ice tub, shower, and then you can head home, Oscar. You were great today." The last person on the medical team finishes cleaning up, standing up before waving a last goodbye and leaving the room.

"Do you still need me here? I can wait for you outside." Carina says softly, tucking his overgrown hair behind his ears. "Take your shower, and I'll get the car, okay?"

"Of course not," he whispers. "can't you stay?"

That's what she does. They follow each other down the corridors in the McLaren facility to where the drivers actually go post-race. A tub of cold water awaits, and Oscar takes seconds before diving in, their last moments by themselves.

"C'mon, Osc! Can't believe the heat got the best of you!" Lando shows up from the front of the garage, towel around his neck as he tries to keep the humor up. "You're okay? Did you get checked?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got checked." He's still with his eyes closed, someone from the staff pouring one more ice bag into his tub. "It was a whole lot."

"It was, man. It is too hot around here, and the track is even worse. I thought the car was overheating!" Lando agrees. "And hey, Carina! The best medicine is love, huh? That's what they always say."

Oscar can't understand what is happening to him. He's a chill guy, always so calm and down to earth. How come the tug in his chest hits like a hammer sometimes?

It's hard to breathe, to think, and for the first time in forever... To be quiet. He tried hiding in the bathroom, tried showering. Nothing could put the feeling away, and he already felt like a burden. Carina shouldn't be fixing his mind every time something happens. His mind keeps telling him he's supposed to hold himself together.

But it's still too hard, too much.

She's sleeping. After they went back home and after everything cooled down, literally, she was still the one to order their dinner, set the bedroom, and check on him until he fell asleep on her chest. Now he is hiding in the bathroom, making sure she has time to rest.

"Baby? Are you alright? I miss you in bed; you left a while ago."

Damn, he could swear he was slick enough for her not to notice he left.

But she does, she always does. The details are some of her best qualities.

"Uh-hum. I'll be back." His hands shake, touching his own face and trying to dry the tears.

"It's cool, don't worry. Would you mind... opening the door for me? You're locked in."

Carina is good at this, she's a pro. Oscar knows she'll be the best psychologist once she finishes college just by the way she treats people around her, but mostly him.

She makes him feel comfortable before ever going to the point. He doesn't even notice she's doing it.

Still, he doesn't want to cry in front of her anymore, at least not today.

"Osc? Look, you don't need to talk or anything, I just don't want you to be alone. Because you're not."

He could swear that's procedure, although it isn't. She's just being his caring girlfriend, the one he's had ever since middle school.

"I know." The only two words he manages to say. "I'll be back, promise."

"Would you like... would you like me to be inside with you? Or would you rather spend a few more minutes alone? I can come back and check on you in ten minutes."

That could be funny. Carina sometimes uses this positive discipline thing to get in control, and being conditioned really puts Oscar's mind in place.

Her company could be good. He doesn't overthink when he's around her.

And ten minutes can feel like an eternity. So the door gets unlocked, and he steps back.

"Hey, baby..." That's when he melts completely, face hiding in the crook of Carina's neck, arms around her, and sobs a bit too loud.

She just wishes he was smaller so she could hold him fully.

"What the fuck is going on, Rina? I don't understand! Why am I like this? That's not me!" he cries. "Everything feels so different, and I just want this feeling to go away!"

"I know, baby. I know. Things are changing. You're onto big things, big results, consistency... And you're also a public figure. You're facing new things."

"And why can't I just be like Lando? Or Lewis? Or Charles? They make it all look so easy! I just... I just want to be like everyone else!"

"Oh, so you think your friends haven't felt that way? When they went through the same? I mean... Lewis is old enough to be your father so... It's been a long time." Yeah, the humor and the way she runs her fingers through his spine. It all makes the feeling sink down. "Ask Lando, or whoever. I'm sure they faced what you're facing right now. Last year you were a rookie and now you're winning races!"

Not another word in the conversation; only Oscar's body getting heavy and the sobs becoming softer and softer. Carina has no idea how much he has slept.

"You're amazing, Osc. We will get through this, okay?"

"I love you," he whispers. "So, so much... I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You would surely get no sleep. Let's go to bed, wash your face, and go to bed." Her hands travel his back a little more. "I love you too, baby. So, so much."

#lele writes ʚɞ #oscar piastri fanfic #formula 1 #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri #formula one imagine #f1 #f1 angst #f1 imagine #formula 1 angst #formula one #lando norris #oscar piastri angst

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hotdaemondtargaryen · 4 months ago

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GAYLE RANKIN INTERVIEWED BY VULTURE MAGAZINE.

Alys’s motives are unclear, and her expanded interactions with Daemon are a change from Fire & Blood, in which all that’s written of their relationship is “Whatever her powers, it would seem Daemon Targaryen was immune to them, for little is heard of this supposed sorceress whilst the prince held Harrenhal.”

(She’s also seemingly no longer a wet nurse with breast milk “that flowed so abundantly” it “nourished countless babes born of other women at Harrenhal.”)

Yet her willingness to call Daemon on his shit — Rankin says “no” ten times when I ask whether Alys cares about his obsession with being called “Your Grace” instead of “my prince” — and her unapologetically spooky aura give the character a decidedly different feel from the original in George R.R. Martin’s source material.

WHETHER ALYS IS CAUSING DAEMON'S VISIONS OR JUST INTUITING THAT HE'S HAVING THEM, SHE QUICKLY IDENTIFIES THAT HE'S MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES WITH THE WOMEN IN HIS LIFE. SHE CALLS HIM OUT ON HOW HIS STRATEGY FOR THE RIVERLANDS IS HURTING WOMEN IN PARTICULAR. DOES ALYS HAVE A GUIDING PHILOSOPHY CONNECTED TO A KIND OF FEMINISM?

"Yes, absolutely."

"It’s hard not to."

"It’s the perspective I come from as a person on the planet."

"As an artist, I’m really curious about uplifting women and disenfranchised peoples of all kinds."

"That’s part of what this show is about, if this is like the female Game of Thrones."

"Olivia and Emma do an incredible job of paving the way for nuanced stories about women in power, and Alys comes in as an extra foil to that narrative."

THERE'S SO MUCH AMBIGUITY, RIGHT? WHETHER SHE IS INSPIRING DAEMON'S DREAMS, WHETHER THE MEMBERS OF HOUSE STRONG ACKNOWLEDGE HER AS A BASTARD RELATED TO THEM. WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING WITH THAT MUCH MYSTERY, HOW DO YOU DEFINE THE BOUNDARIES OF THE CHARACTER FOR YOURSELF?

"It’s a thing I was struggling with every day."

"How do you play someone who is mysterious? How do you ground them, and make her a person with wants and needs and desires? As this season unfolds, you start to feel like there’s a story there, a person and a history."

"I know it."

"It was really personal."

"That was a lot of work I had to do privately, and hopefully we’ll feel and see more specific details at some point."

WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU THINK ALYS GOT UP TO IN HARRENHAL BEFORE DAEMON SHOWED UP?

"I do believe she’s a maester of sorts, and a healer in many senses of the word."

"Whether or not Alys’s potions are actually potions, she’s kept Harrenhal on its feet for generations, in terms of just like, keeping people alive — or not."

I DO LOVE THE LINE SHE SAYS THE PREVIOUS MAESTER "JUST NEVER SETTLED IN."

"Well, there wasn’t enough room, you know." [Laughs]

"It’s a pretty hard job keeping Harrenhal afloat, keeping everybody safe and well, and keeping control."

"It’s a powerful space in and of itself, maybe one of the most powerful, and to have this woman running it, essentially, is really fascinating to me."

"She’s kind of like the First Lady of Harrenhal, if there was a government."

"She knows all the really wonderful spots to go swimming and do fun, pleasurable things."

"She’s spent a lot of time figuring out how to be by herself, but that’s like a blessing and a curse after 400 years."

YOU'VE SAID ALYS "DESIRES TO BE KNOW," AND THAT'S PARTIALLY WHY SHE MAKES THIS OVERTURE TO DAEMON. DID YOU SEE THAT AS A DESIRE TO BE KNOWN PERSONALLY, OR SHE WANTS TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR WHAT SHE'S DONE TO KEEP HARRENHAL GOING?

"It’s both, but they’re in competition with one another, which I think is inherently female."

"How are we to be as women in this world? Are we allowed to be vulnerable and also ambitious? Is there room for them in our society?"

"There’s something about her that’s trying to prove maybe there is, but it’s a fight."

THE HARRENHAL SET IS SO DETAILED. WAS THERE A SPECIFIC ASPECT OF THE SET DESIGN YOU CONNECTED WITH?

"My workshop was so specific."

"I hope we get to go back there."

"I loved how tactile it was — I had a bunch of ingredients that I could build the potion with."

"It was very comforting and it made me feel like I had been there for centuries."

"It felt very lived in and feminine, like a sanctuary, you know?"

"This tells me something about this person, that they have fought hard to build something for themselves, an identity."

WHAT WAS THE SUBSTANCE YOU WERE WORKING WITH YOUR MORTAR AND PESTLE?

"It was blackberries and crushed-up rose petals and some other dried fruit, I think dried oranges."

"It got to a point after so many takes where I was like, I have to stop adding things into this, I really don’t know what’s in this now, which is amazing for the scene."

"I’ll let the audience decide whether or not it’s on purpose that she lets Daemon see that she’s tasting it first. But who knows what Alys can withstand?"

"It’s an interesting question about daring him on and seducing him in some way, too."

THERE IS FAN THEORY THAT ALYS AND THE RED PRIESTESS MELISANDRE FROM GAME OF THRONES ARE THE SAME CHARACTERS. DO YOU HAVE A REACTION TO THAT?

"I would say that there are no other characters that have been repeated in the House of the Dragon world, so I’m not sure why we would start now."

YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT FEELING DRAWN TO GREEN AS A COLOR, PARTIALLY BECAUSE OF YOUR BIRTHSTONE, PERIDOT. IS THERE A SPECIFIC COLOR THAT YOU ASSIGN TO ALYS?

"Purple."

"The dress I wear — that’s like her uniform, really — is purple."

"Purple is actually quite a royal color, and I like it because it’s neither green nor black, and it’s not attaching itself to any side."

"Alys has her own identity and she travels in some ways right down the middle."

"It’ll be interesting to see where we go in terms of her color palette."

HARRENHAL IS IMPLIED TO BE INCREDIBLY HAUNTED. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE PIECE OF HAUNTED-HOUSE MEDIA?

"I recently rewatched the Kristen Stewart movie Personal Shopper, by Olivier Assayas."

"That movie undoes me: There’s something so grounded and realistic about it that I could imagine that happening to me."

"There’s something weirdly Harrenhal-y about it, too, because of the water and the kind of damp, echoey, very subtle beginning of the presence."

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this-is-exorsexism · 3 months ago

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Hey, since I saw you speak German (making that assumption based on the fact that you mentioned a exorsexist comment being German in a post. Sorry if that’s a wrong assumption) I really want to talk about instances of exorsexism that I see so often in the feminist German speaking circles and that I’m so so tired off.

The terms “female read” and “male read” to refer to people, both when talking about, you know, just everyday things they saw ex. “I like seeing female read people sporting body hair” (just say you like people who don’t shave their body hair. Cause it’s not just the demographic of people that society pushes to present as “women” that are pressured into body hair removal.) and in context of feminist discussions “Cat calling affects female read individuals more than male read people. And male read people are more often the perpetrator of cat calling”. (This one irkes me so so much, because it’s a sweeping generalisation in general, which is just not okay.)

Another example that also falls into every day things and is even more removed from any “political” statement: “I saw a female read person that reminded me of my mother.” (This quote came from a nonbinary person which made the unnecessary gendering feel even more uncomfortable. There was no forceful gendering of the person necessary. It could have just been “I saw a person that reminded me of my mother” the assumption that it must have been a woman already is a possibility by the association with mother. And you sadly can’t get rid of it. There is no necessity to state it like that.)

One last longer example that is partly feminism related again (that is a near direct translation): “A lot of women and female read people know the feeling of standing in front of the mirror and asking wether or not they want to wear this or if it’s too revealing. Because choice of clothing alone can suggest you want to provoke men.[…] Even if a female read person wears tight clothing, because [she/they] feel sexy in it, is that no reason to insult [her/them] as a slut.” (The “she” could have also been meant in a “they” sense, because this is a translation situation where it isn’t 100% clear. That’s why I wrote it like that.) (This quote is again making assumptions and putting experiences on people and forcefully gendering people who experience these feelings. When these experiences actually can’t be categorised like that. Like even perisex cis men can experience this. It is also very telling here that only the “female read” wording was used when making social commentary, not the “male read”, when men where mentioned.)

(These statements are not always necessarily word for word quotes. They are partly just things I remember seeing in the past. Each example is from a different person.)

The description “female read”/“male read” as you likely know is typically said to be used to “to be more inclusive. Since we don’t know how someone actually identifies and we shouldn’t assume”. Which to me is just very much a “I’m gonna categorise you into man or woman on sight, just as anyone else, but I’ll say ‘male read’/‘female read’ to make it inclusive and not feel bad in case I’m actually misgendering you.”.

The fact that people think it’s more inclusive and isn’t just basically another way to categories man and woman, while claiming to be inclusive, drives me up the wall if I think about it for to long. The idea to be categorised as “female read” is honestly more dysphoria inducing than simply being assumed to be a woman, because it feels even more like failing at being uncategorisable, because the people supposedly not clinging onto the binary are categorising me as something I’m not. And as I hinted at, at the beginning, these two categories virtually ignore any possibility of seeing people who your brain can’t sort into the man/woman categories immediately, and pushes them into one or the other. Which also can ultimately lead to erasure of intersex individuals who could be sorted differently than both their sex and gender. (I hope my wording here is okay and it’s clear what I mean. If not. Please let me know.) The categories of “female read”/“male read” to me are ultimately cissexist, exorsexist and intersexist. This whole concept is just forceful gendering of people wrapped up in a pretty package that says “feminism”.

A big personal pet peeve of mine is people praising people who categorise like that. I’ve recently seen it done by a cis woman, intersectional feminist, who was praising a speaker for using the terms.

There is also the not uncommon occurrence where it’s just not even hidden anymore that “female read” or “male read” is just put in instead of woman or man or used interchangeably.

I just truly deeply dislike how these terms have become a very common thing in feminist circles, even between trans*(= very much meaning nonbinary here as well, hence the trans*) educators, feminists and influencers. It feels like such a gut punch to see even them reinforcing the gender binary in such ways.

(If you disagree with this being exorsexism I’d be very curious as to how. Because to me personally it is a very clear example of exorsexism that I’ve been wishing to talk about since I first encountered it. Also sorry if this is worded a bit confusingly at times. I tried my best.)

this is definitely exorsexism.

i know exactly what you're talking about and i have spoken about the misuse of these terms at length on my personal social media too.

to be honest, i was about to defend ~some~ uses of these terms, but after reading everything you said, i think these terms need to be retired.

i think at least half the time people use "female-read" and "male-read" to just mean women and men, because i don't know, maybe they think nonbinary people think that men and women exist is somehow offensive? a woman is a woman and you can and should just call her a woman, a man is a man and you can and should just call him a man. calling a woman "female-read" is entirely unnecessary and quite disrespectful too, in my opinion. it basically strips her of her identity as a woman and reduces her to how society sees her. the same is true for men.

"male-read people are often the perpetrators of catcalling" is also an interesting one because it proves that "male-read" and "female-read" are just stand-ins for the gender binary and gender oppositionism: "male-read" people have (perisex cisgender) male privilege and the entitlement and attitudes that come with it. they can never be victims of patriarchal violence, only perpetrators. "female-read" people are always more marginalised than "male-read" people. if you want to talk about people who are most likely to catcall, you must talk about perisex cisgender men.

as you've said, this doesn't take into account transgender, nonbinary and intersex people as it doesn't only sort us into a new male-female gender binary but also into a binary of "perpetrator of the patriarchy" and "victim of the patriarchy" in very oversimplified ways. in its attempt at inclusivity, this language completely obscures the experiences of people whom society sees as men or women but aren't. being seen as male when you're nonbinary or female, being seen as female when you're nonbinary or male, i.e. having your gender assumed incorrectly can actually be really dangerous. it also once again reduces us to how society sees us and acts as if our actual genders don't contribute to our experience.

one of the strangest ways people use this language is when they say something like "i saw a male-read person at the shop today". like, what do you mean? you read this person as male. you projected your binary thinking onto this person. using passive voice for this is just a way to try to remove your responsibility in participating in this system of gender assumption. at this point, you might just say that you saw a man at the shop. in this context, they mean the exact same thing.

these terms also don't take into account that there are different ways of being perceived as male or female. some people are perceived as transgender male rather than cisgender male, which are two very different experiences. being seen as transgender female rather than cisgender female is also very much not the same.

people also ignore that a lot the people they're trying to be inclusive of by using this language aren't actually consistently read as either binary gender or are read as something else entirely. "male-read" and "female-read" are pretty much used to be permanent life-long states of being perceived, with the exception of people transitioning and then going from one to the other and will be read as that and only that for the rest of their life. in reality, this looks very different. some of us are called he one day and she another. sometimes it depends on our gender presentation. sometimes it depends on the person perceiving us. for many of us, we actually have no idea how someone's perceiving our gender until they indicate this. also, many of us aren't read as either male or female. a lot of us are just read as "what the fuck are you" or [insert slur here]. none of these experiences can be mapped onto the idea of male-read and female-read.

not to mention how they keep using these terms to refer to body parts. "female-read" is too often just code for "has boobs". it's especially funny when they use this language for internal organs. like, sure, the catcaller on the street totally perceives someone's uterus.

"male-read" and "female-read" are what "women and femmes" or the transmasc/transfem binary will become if we don't stop it. they can always be replaced with other more precise terms that don't reinforce exorsexism, cissexism, intersexism and gender oppositionism.

#nonbinary #exorsexism #this is exorsexism

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biapascal · 2 days ago

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Hi lovely!! I saw you’re taking reqs for Oberyn and I feel like he’s not shown enough LUV!!

What if Oberyn is infatuated with female reader and tries to win her over, but she plays hard to get and OBERYN loves the chase. Eventually winning her over and he’s super romantic 😭🥰🫶🏼🩷

The lion and the viper.

Hello love! Thanks for your request 🤎🕯️🪶 I wrote this right away because today was a lazy day and Oberyn is probably one of my favorite Pedro's characters. I love writing about him! <3

Hope you enjoy 💋

Tw: Elia is still alive or didn’t die at all ( You pick the timeline lmao ) angsty

Tyrion's birth was a tragic event. Tywin Lannister was the father of a cruel joke of nature. Jaime and Cersei were in symbiosis, and the man wanted another heir. On the day of your birth, when the nurse had shown you to your father, he turned away in disappointment, refusing to hold you: you were a girl. You’ve inherited the golden locks of the Lannisters and the elegance of the lion your family has identified with for centuries.

In Casterly Rock, you heard your relatives clamor for power while your heart yearned for other things. The roar of the lion didn't belong to you. There were people who took care of your clothes, your appearance, but no one showed you affection, especially not your father. Every day you saw your sister Cersei, she hated you, according to her you were a lamb to slaughter and seeing your tears gave her a sense of power over you, she had always craved it. You saw how close she and Jaime were, the way he touched her, the unfamiliar words you heard, it was disturbing. Jaime wasn't like her, he was kinder, but whenever Cersei caught him being nice to you, she got mad. She was capable of ruining you. When you were a child, she destroyed your favorite doll, then she started beating you. Your father didn't do anything because he was proud that one of his children knew how to keep other people in their place, which he felt was what a ruler should do. While you were a lamb with an open heart surrounded by lions, your brother Tyrion was called the imp. The two of you were close and understood each other. You had to seek comfort in art, the only tool that could make you forget how painful life was in your household. You quickly learned to paint, sing and write to relieve stress through the ink. As adulthood approached, things got even harder. The day you bleeded for the first time, Cersei made sure to frighten you by telling you that now that you were finally able to carry a child, you were ready to be used by any man who wanted to. She frightened you with stories of the crimson between your legs and the feeling of losing what was supposed to be yours: "You will be in pain only for their pleasure. Hope that your children will be healthy, they will be the only thing you care about in this world. Many people will try to destroy your family and you will not be able to protect them.”

Your body was ready for other people, but you weren't. You never knew love and didn't even believe in it. As the sun was setting and the sky was changing its bright tone, you were walking through the crowded street. The good thing about being different from your family was that people didn't hate you. They thought you were nice, and you learned a lot from them. While walking you noticed unfamiliar faces. You had never seen guards dressed like this before; their clothes were bright, reflecting the faint light of the setting sun. A woman was with them, her brown hair was long and wavy, falling to her elegantly tanned shoulders. She wore showy jewelry, and her eyes were sweet, but her gaze was intense. There was a man next to her, also dressed in a bright robe and charming, seemingly sure of himself. “Elia and Oberyn Martell” you heard. You knew those names. Oberyn looked at her sister. "Are you tired? The journey was long” Elia nodded. "Yes, brother, but we should be close to the castle. " Oberyn noticed you and smiled. You didn't like that smile. You didn't even know him, but you could tell a polite smile from a malicious one. They approached you and you noticed the man looking at you with interest. "Elia, what a surprise, we met the Lannister lamb." He made you feel vulnerable. Your cheeks burned and you tried to collect yourself, remembering that no one was going to rescue you. "If you need to go to the castle, I am on my way home” your voice was firm. Elia pulled a tuft of blond hair from your face and you stood still in embarrassment. "Sorry dear, you have such a pretty face..." she looked at her brother. "Yes, she is indeed pretty" he agreed. Oberyn and Elia needed to talk to your father about some political issues you weren't aware of. Seeing the way the prince looked at you, Cersei smiled and approached you. "Little sister, do you know what they call him?" You shook your head and she chuckled. "Of course you don't. They call him the Red Viper, he's a master with poisons” you nodded as you looked at Tywyn talking to the foreigners. Cersei didn't frighten you, you've heard of many men murdering people and starting wars because of it. "Well, you saw the way he looked at you” you looked at her and crossed your arms. "He's always looking for a woman to keep his bed warm and I think he chose you this time, little sister” that was scary. You bit your lip and walked away, tired of your sister.

In a few days at Casterly Rock, more lords arrived, and Oberyn never took his eyes off you, smiling as if he knew something you ignored, and it made you nervous. You tried to distract yourself by composing, but the noise in your head kept you from concentrating. One night there was a feast. The men enjoyed the wine and the women let them have their fun while you concentrated on the food and tried to ignore the chaos around you. You weren't proud of yourself because you felt you weren't acting like a woman, you still had the same insecurities of a child. You noticed that Oberyn, as comfortable as he was in his own home, was sitting with a woman on his lap. He noticed you staring at him and waved. You felt the fork in your hand tremble and put it down, then stood. You looked for a quieter place to be alone and went to the window. The stars shone through the night without talking, and it was beautiful. You spent some time there, thinking about how you needed to change, then you felt a hand on your shoulder and jumped. Oberyn was there, looking for you. The palm of his hand was warm and you pushed it away from your shoulder. "Prince Oberyn" you greeted him politely. "You're not enjoying the party?" You looked at him impassively. "No. I'm not." You replied, your tone cold. Oberyn shook his head and sighed. "It pains me to see such a beautiful woman as you, my lady, uncomfortable in her own home" you bowed your head. "I understand you like wine and pretty women who offer their bodies to you" you said with a fake smile on your face. "If you like that, go to a brothel." his smile faded and you walked away, leaving him alone. Over the next few days, Oberyn showed you how stubborn he could be; you thought about him often, you couldn't lie to yourself by saying you didn't like the attention he gave you, but you couldn't let him trick you. You remembered Cersei's words and minded your own business until one day. The scent of flowers stimulated your mind, and you were often sent to the garden to write. You heard the waves of the sea and felt the cool air on your skin: it was a beautiful day. Then you saw him, writing in one of your favorite places. You remained silent, watching him. There was something about the dedication he gave to his work that made you feel, in a way, you never felt before.

"Little lamb" he looked at you. "Please don't call me that, I find it offensive" he frowned. "I apologize, but may I ask why you find this name offensive?" you hesitated, then sighed. "It makes me feel weak. My family calls me that because I'm weak." you replied. It was painful, but it was the truth. He put the feather down. "I don't call you that because you are weak. I call you that because you look gentle, your heart seems to be soft, something you should be proud of". You raised an eyebrow. "How could you say that?" He chuckled. "I have heard of you, my lady, when people are good, they become known. Your family isn't the only one who has an opinion about you" you remained silent and looked at what he was writing. "What are you writing?" He smiled. "Poetry” he replied. He was a writer, he expressed emotions through art, just like you. "About what?" you were curious and wanted to read it. "Love” that was disappointing. He noticed the sparkle in your eyes fading. "What's wrong?" You shook your head. "It's silly, forget it" he insisted and you sighed. "Well, I don't think love exists. Maybe physical attraction exists, but if love exists, it leads to tragedy." To him it was nonsense. He became serious. "You believe that?" You nodded. He stood up and you felt a little intimidated. "I'm sorry, dear" he smiled softly. "For what?" you were confused. "For the fact that you had to believe that bullshit. It is true, love can lead to tragedy and that proves how strong it can be. Love helps humanity, it can help people find the strength to fight, it gives hope and even pleasure" he paused and you blushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry they made you believe that” you looked down and played with your gold rings. "Well, maybe I'm just not used to it” he caressed your cheek unexpectedly. "Yes. I think so” he was tender and you felt weak, but in a good way. "You write too, don't you, my lady? Please, let me read something”

Oberyn came from another dimension where there was no shame. You were attracted to him, and you could tell he wanted to take you, but you weren't ready. When Cersei noticed the two of you, you had to ignore her nasty comments.

It was the last night he would have spent with you before he left for Dorne. You were hurt, knowing that without him, you would have heard only your father's harsh words. You agreed to meet in the garden. You arrived with a smile on your face and hugged him. You were grateful and perhaps you were beginning to know love. "My dove” you looked at him, amused. "Another cutesy name for me?" You chuckled. He kissed your cheek and you enjoyed it but had to stop him when his hands began to wander. "Wait, not tonight” he seemed really helpless. "But you deserve this" you cupped his face with your hands. "Go back to Dorne, the next time we meet I'll be ready." While he was away, he sent you letters that showed that he was honest, that he really cared about you. When you met again, you knew you were in love, and as his boat left the shore, you allowed his lips to come close to your face. "You're lucky" you said before feeling the warmth of the kiss all the way to your stomach. "I know."

#oberyn x reader #prince oberyn #oberyn x you #oberyn martel x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #oberyn martell #oberyn nymeros martell

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nicosraf · 7 months ago

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Hi one thing about A&B I found really interesting is how Samyaza's relationship with Idith almost bordering on feeling like it is a sapphic/lesbian romance? I don't mean that as in any indication in terms of Samyaza's gender, but rather than the wording of their relationship and the context. The way Idith talk about how they were "You and me, girls angry at their fathers enough to hurt themselves and those they love". How Idith's previous husband was abusive, how Samyaza is ambitious yet undervalued (aka jealous for not being an archangel). I saw the ask talking about how the snide remarks Samyaza made about Azazel's relationship with a man made him dislikable, but I saw it stems more from Samyaza's mental connection of men with God, while he loved someone who was also not chosen and even blamed/overlooked by God: a woman. Maybe I'm reading into this too much and maybe it seems like I am relating the lesbian/sapphic experience with hating men. But everything about Samyaza and Idith's relationship felt like my own sapphic/lesbian experience, I dated someone who was self-deprecating yet magnificent like Idith, who was abused by family. I had a lot of internalized homophobia and am not really identifying as a woman, but still a lesbian, feeling overlooked and constantly need to prove myself to my parents. The quick intimacy that grew between Idith and Samyaza felt a lot like that relationship I had, and it did turn toxic in a way that Samyaza and Idith's relationship turned later. But it was the relationship that I keep on remembering the most, since it was akin to both a love based on solidarity/feeling overlooked/intimacy when both parties are feeling lonely and are in one way or another wronged. Even the way Samyaza and Idith's relationship that is toxic feel sapphic. I didn't do anything like Samyaza did when there were intimacy forced happened, and I remember her constant self-deprecation and apologies. Maybe the way I empathize with their relationship is heavily subjective. And me identifying with Samyaza a lot maybe shows that I'm probably not that good of a person either. But I love your writing especially because your characters and their relationships never confine themselves into some kind of purity wholesome category. There are toxicity, there are hurt, there are so much wrong. But there is love, and tenderness. No amount of tragedy makes the love completely go away. Reading Angel & Man feeling like remembering her, both a sense of mourning but also never ending love.

Absolutely 1000% intentionally meant to be read as sapphic. They are sapphic, and I do think it is an indication of Samyaza's gender, or lack thereof. He doesn't like women because he's a "man" — he spends half of this book saying "I'm an angel" whenever hes asked about his gender — he likes women because of the connection he feels with them as an angel. It's a homosexual attraction, attraction for sameness instead of differentness, etc etc

Also Samyaza's distaste for men is absolutely because he connects them with God based off how they act — jealous and abusive and mean. Samyaza doesn't realize this is why though, neither do any of the Watchers, but hating men is actually the bridge by which they begin to dislike God. (Sometimes you need to see your abuse happen to someone else to see that it's abuse).

I think Idith did see their relationship as sapphic pretty explitly. She called Samyaza a girl and teased him, and she makes a mention about how she thought Samyaza was a female-angel briefly. And I think that's why she found comfort with him. (And I think seeing Samyaza as femme made the way she lashed out at him more... particular)

I don't think connecting to Samyaza makes you a bad person at all. He's complicated and being a person is just complicated; and in Samyaza's case, he's just working through abuse like everyone else.

I'm happy you like all the complicated, ugly relationships!! They're very painful to write, but they feel really real to me. Loving people is tough

Sending you love anon <3

#mine #ask #a&m spoilers

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dykeulous · 1 month ago

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I'll also offer my thoughts on your post about being cis or not. I'm very tired and tend to devolve into word salad when I'm sleepy so apologies if any of this is scrambeled.

The issue is that it's such a basic term. If one truly only conceptualizes themselves as their AGAB, it becomes a matter of semantics and a seemingly impossible gulf in how we see reality, because to you that's an inherently gender neutral act but to most trans people dividing people exclusively between Male and Female is just dividing them between Man and Woman. Our conceptualization of "female" is on totally different planets.

So it's like, okay, Radfem A doesn't believe in gender, and identifies as lacking a gender. So she's agender? Because that's what it sounds like, but I get that that is itself a gender identity. She can call herself whatever she likes, or not be called whatever she likes, but for her to just go "well I'm just a Female" is at least as much a gender identity since it happens to be the only way most radfems - explicit TERFs, I mean - have conceptualized gender, and how it's been conceptualized by most of humanity for most of history.

It's exceptionally difficult to try and make these two worldviews compatible because at the end of the day you can call a trans woman a woman but that doesn't really mean anything if she's also a male in the way a cis man is. The TIRF viewpoint seems to me to be just dressing up TERFery with trans affirming language. So it's like, okay, someone is doesn't have a gender, but agender still too much identification, so they identify as Female which isn't the same as woman or girl, which means they aren't cis but they aren't trans...again, no one has to identify as anything they don't want to, but it's hard to make any of trans identity at all work with these ideas, because it treats Male and Female as essentially Trve Gender.

Being cis does mean, essentially, not being trans, or at least it does to most** trans people the way certain sexual characteristics make someone female to you. There could be greater discussion on how to talk about people who are dysphoric but do not identify as trans, but the biggest part of the split in ideology here is on such a fundamental level that's very hard to do. Elon Musk was completely ridiculous when he got upset about being called cis and I could never change my mind on that. The absolute aversion to simply being called trans doesn't make sense to me even though I try to understand and respect people who would want to avoid it because they don't feel it matches it them. And then that's a problem, because they feel excluded, but they're the ones refusing to be considered trans in the first place? Like, someone who has dysphoria like that but rejects the label would just be a cis person with dysphoria, I would think.

I personally would support people who identify as their AGAB, but have dysphoria, as being trans without them having to be something else, if that was the primary issue.

*emphasis on most

**again, emphasis on most

thank you for sharing your perspective. that means a lot to me.

yes, “cis” is a very basic, one-dimensional word, and that is the problem. i see & understand that a lot of trans people get upset at the classification of female/male & correlate it to simple categorization of woman/man– because dysphoria, after all, is a condition that includes certain triggers, so i’m not going to complain about that (because i understand). but even before i got into radical feminism, i never really was upset about being called female; like you point out, it was simply gender neutral to me. it was a fact of life. just like it is to me now; a completely neutral, grey fact of life. of course, the way i view it is somewhat different to the way cis radfems do, since i am dysphoric, and i do have a different relationship with my sex characteristics than non-dysphoric people do: but ultimately, i understand that it is a neutral aspect of the human body, and i do my very best not to connate it with any gender stuff.

that being said, i don’t think it’s fair to say that a radfem (or any cis woman for that matter) who says she doesn’t identify as a woman, and rather just is female, has a gender identity “in her own way”. the trans community & the radfem community have a lot of ideological conflicts, which is why i understand why you would think this way. however, to me (i won’t say “us” because i know a lot of radfems disagree with me on this anyway & i don’t want to spread misinformation on general radfem beliefs), “female” is just a neutral state of being, while “woman” is the socio-economic class that was coercively ascribed to the female body. a lot of radfems are going to say, “i am a woman because i am female and a woman is an adult female human”, but i personally believe that is way too simplistic. most of the time, a woman is an adult female human– but i don’t strictly associate this with biology. i recognize two sets of gender: a) gender class and b) gender identity. a lot of radfems are going to tell you, “sex is material reality, gender is not”– which i disagree with. gender identity isn’t material reality. gender identity is personal, mutable, malleable, subjective (however still a production of gender existing as a division of the working-class), however; gender class is material. your experiences rely on gender class, and how you are perceived in society. that doesn’t mean that there is some inherent value to gender class, or that there is a scientific basis to it– it simply means that it is your lived experience, your material reality– which is most of the time, but not always, ascribed to your sex/biology.

i also do not believe that tirfs are “trying to cover their terfery up with trans affirming language”. i do not mean this offensively, but if you’re constantly looking for secret agents & traitors, you are efficiently locking yourself up in an echo-chamber. someone validating & acknowledging trans women’s gender identity, and also taking into consideration their lived experience as women if they have transitioned into the gender class of woman, while simultaneously not erasing the fact that they are male– is not trying to “cover their inner transphobia”. they are simply stating facts. i think the problem here is that you believe radfems hold some fundamental belief of having to do something in order to be male. “at the end of the day, you can call a trans woman a woman, but that doesn’t really mean anything if she’s also male in the way a cis man is”– a trans woman cannot “be male in the way a cis man is”, because a trans woman is a trans woman, not a cis man. i do not believe that anyone can be male in any way, someone just is male. radfems do not view male biology as something inherently evil, monstrous, oppressive, disgusting, or something to be distanced from. we do not believe there is a right or wrong way to be male, and we do not view the male biology as our enemy: we hold the system as our enemy. i understand your deep desire to distance your own self from it, because after all, you are dysphoric; but take this with a grain of salt; acknowledging that you are male, and that this does not define you in any way, shape, or form; and that you still can keep your subjective gender identity, as well as medically migrate into the woman gender class if you so wish– will probably ease your dysphoria a million times. i know it did mine. you can change your sex characteristics, but ultimately you cannot change your sex, the clear canvas that should carry no gendered connotations at all.

i will also acknowledge that some radfems are, in fact, attempting to “revert back to sex categorization instead of gender categorization”, or how you here point it out; “gender has been conceptualized that way throughout the whole of history”. however, i still believe we have somewhat of a different understanding of this. a lot of radfems don’t understand that in order to abolish gender, we also need to abolish sex categorization. that doesn’t mean, “ignore the fact that there are legitimate anatomical differences”, it means– “acknowledge that those anatomical differences hold no social significance whatsoever, and acknowledge the fact that these very anatomical differences have been appropriated by the patriarchy in order to justify the creation of the cultural system of gender”. after the neolithic revolution, female humans became secondary, and this marks the emergence of gender as the ideological, religious, and cultural system, a.k.a. the beginning of ascribing gender to one’s biology. then followed sex categorization, the canonization & essentialization of the gender system; this meant using pseudoscientific measures & approaches to “justify” why males had superior biology, and thus the man class is & should be the natural leader. you are, however, wrong in the fact that “this is just how it has always been”, because human history did not begin at neolithic, and it certainly did not stop there, either. for most of our history, humans have lived in quite egalitarian communes, where neither gender nor sex categorization existed. gender as a system of exploitation expands, develops, evolves, and varies from culture to culture. as an example, we are currently stuck up in the imperialistic view of the colonial binary gender system: this doesn’t mean that the gender systems prior to imperialism were somehow more progressive or less oppressive, it simply means that the gender system has evolved to fit the current era, which is the highest stage of capitalism.

essentially, we cannot separate sex categorization from gender. both need to be dismantled. for that, we need gender communism, or gender acceleration– the process of speeding up, or accelerating gender, until it no longer has any meaning [which it doesn’t on a scientific level, but it certainly does on a socio-cultural one]. humans have lived in egalitarian communes before, or as karl marx explained it through historical materialism; primitive communism. we are currently living under the highest stage of capitalism, and we need to reach for the better, the final stage of human society; communism. anatomical differences between females & males are real, but no classification has any fundamental or scientific basis that explains the gendering of human biology. neither sex is better nor worse, neither sex is superior nor inferior, and neither sex has any inherent personality traits, hobbies, iq, abilities, or capabilities. there is no right or wrong way to be female or male. there is no scientific basis that supports gender identity, it simply exists because of the division of gender, and the division of gender exists because of the patriarchy.

i appreciate your open-mindedness on the existence of dysphoric people who aren’t trans-identified, and for respecting their choice of not wanting to be called trans, while trying to also include them in your conversations about dysphoria. that does clear up some of my concerns, however i will still say that this certainly is not the opinion of the majority of the trans community, or at least how i have seen it. i do ultimately believe it is absurd & ridiculous to be extremely upset at being called cis, as it was originally just meant to be a harmless distinction between trans & non-trans people, and it would be downright insensitive to take away the right of an oppressed group to name the people who aren’t part of their specific social class.

#ask #radical feminism #gender abolition #gender critical #radblr #radical feminist theory #marxist feminism #trans #lgbt #gender identity #cis #marxfem

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sukunasdumbestchef · 1 year ago

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"Akaza takes care of a woman and her daughter"

"Akaza finds a girl injured, but still protecting her child… he decides to help, but it goes beyond what he thought…" >[reader] is identified by: girl, woman and [name]. She is an adult, her daughter's father is not mentioned, I left that to your imagination. >Type: fluff!!!!!!!! >Warning: violence mentioned. > Words: +6k

> forgive me for the spelling mistakes, I'm not fluent in English and I used the translator

Akaza's keen sense of smell picks up a smell of blood, which catches his attention. For lack of anything to do, he follows this scent, which leads him to a small house, where he hears faint cries.

Without bothering to remain silent, he opens the door, finding a common scene. An inferior oni feeding on a human, this oni sensed the presence of a superior being, causing him to run in fear. Akaza took another step, trying to detect the gender of the dead human on the ground. But the cries, that he heard outside before, drew attention again.

Akaza turns towards the sound, he found a girl on the ground holding a baby, she was hurt, it looked like she wouldn't be able to stand, maybe she tried to protect the baby. Normally, he would ignore any female presence, but without hurting them. But, in this particular case, the girl who cried while protecting her baby without caring about herself… made him feel something different.

He analyzed them… the way she holds the weakest, protecting the weakest… his eyes began to have a different vision. "Give a hand" was what he thought, with cautious steps he approaches the woman, taking a step. She backed away, crawling to the wall. Akaza stopped, raising her hand, demonstrating that she wasn't going to do anything. The woman did not lower her guard, but she stopped crying. Akaza crouched down and walked over to her. She shook her head frantically in fear of him.

"I won't hurt you" The oni told her. The woman stopped, even if she didn't trust it, she felt sincerity in that. “Your leg, can I check it?” She didn't answer Akaza's question, but he, trying not to force his hand, slowly analyzed the injuries, some scratches, other more serious injuries and a sprained ankle… "You can't walk, can you?" She disagrees. The baby, the complete opposite, without any scratches, he seems normal, he doesn't cry… she did a great job as a mother.

"You…demons, you destroy families…you killed my family…" The girl said, her throat dry from crying. Akaza looks at her, blankly.

"Yes, we eat the weakest ones, it's not something we hide…" Akaza replied. He took off his vest, and wrapped it around a serious wound of hers. The girl watches everything confused, his action contradicting what he just said…

"Wh- What? Why are you doing this if you're going to kill me?"

"I am not going to kill you." He responds, immediately as he heard the words 'kill me'. Akaza thinks, he now feels confused… because he is doing this, not killing or hurting women is his ideology, even though he doesn't know the reason… Now, helping women? Why does he feel this kindness toward them?

They both remain silent, on the floor… "Why are you different? I don't feel the same terror that I felt in the previous oni…" Akaza seems thoughtful with the question, he clears his throat, and replies:

"I'm different from all these insignificant onis. Let's say… I have a different view on everything…" The girl thinks about his words, she takes off the blouse that was over the kimono, wrapping it around the baby. The tears returning, as she looks at her dead relative on the floor. "Do you want me to bury them for you?" He makes a somewhat surprising offer… The girl hesitates, but looking at her own state and the defenseless baby…

"I want…" Akaza gets up, he goes to the body, picking up (what's left) of it and taking it outside. The girl closes her eyes, crying back. Akaza returns, even though he is uncomfortable with crying. He goes to her, his hand going behind her, she jumps in surprise, and in a second she is in his arms, he leaves her outside, sitting on the rock, where he can keep an eye on her as he buries her body in rocks. . The girl watches everything with tears, her only relative was killed… her only happiness was her baby…

Akaza finished his work, he went to her. "What's your name?"

"[name]…" she replied, wiping away her tears, while shaking the baby.

"Is she your baby?" He asks again, she nods. "It looks like you" He noticed, the girl looked at him, she's not afraid of him anymore… He sits next to her, her eyes never leaving his face. "What's your daughter's name?"

"Amaya…" Akaza looked at Amaya, the baby did the same. Akaza stretched his finger, until the baby. His finger gently caressed the baby's cheek.

"She's…small." Akaza wasn't sure what to say. Why he was having this moment with this woman… "Your leg, does it still hurt?" He changes the subject, stopping caressing the baby.

"Yes." They remain silent. Akaza sighs, and ends the silence.

"Do you know another relative of yours? Or a village? I'll take you there…"

"Yes, I have a relative who lives in a field, it's close to a huge lake, the one with big fish…" Akaza thinks, he goes to her house, comes back with a cloth, wrapping it around her and her daughter.

"Hold your daughter tight…" In an instant, with his strength he easily takes them both in his arms, his touch firm. He begins to walk with them, without any difficulty. “Are you comfortable?” She nods, even the baby seems comfortable. The little rocking that they gave while they walked, made the baby sleep, she seems to be calm and comfortable. After a while, Akaza felt a weight on his chest, the girl fell asleep. the oni felt something… incredibly good in his soul, he wanted to protect them both, he wanted to hold the baby until she fell asleep…

"[name]…[name]? Wake up…" She heard Akaza's voice, looked around and she was already close to her relative's house. "Is that the house?" She waves, rubbing her eyes, the night seems like it's about to end… Akaza arrives at the door, leaving the two on the floor. He squats. "Are you alright?

"I'm… thank you" Akaza feels the same feeling, he almost smiled at her, he noticed that her eyes were shining… "You… what's your name?"

"Akaza"

"Akaza… are you coming back?"

"…I will… I need to see you again… and you have a lovely daughter…"

He caressed the woman's cheek… And so, with this feeling of protection he left in the woman.

This was inspired by an image on pinterest… :D

#akaza #akaza x reader #kny #demon slayer #akaza x you

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therookandthecrow · 1 month ago

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Of course, the only female Rook I'm planning to romance Lucanis with is the closest to a self-insert as possible, without actually being like me. I've given her a lot of my darker personality traits, many of which I have been working on, in earnest. My looks, however, not at all.

Actually, she's based off one of my Tavs, Iellana in looks and personality [for reference, Iellana is a Sharran priestess/'confessor' sort - almost a Dark Justiciar]. I hope I can give Nirasha a dagger tattoo in Dragon Age, because she is essentially her.

There is a lot more about her under the cut. Before that, enjoy my screenshots of how her counterpart looks in Baldur's Gate 3.

Nirasha is coldly distrusting, harsh, and pessimistic, likes to do things 'by the book', she has a resting b---- face [more like a resting murderer face, if we're being fair], she's stubborn, fiercely judgmental, she has an innate sense of superiority, sometimes to the point of arrogance!

She's also very traditional in the way 'this is how we have always done things, why do we need to fix it', very rigid and stern-minded, likes to have every thing accounted for, she does not tolerate mistakes, especially her own. That, and she never forgets a transgression.

In fact, it is a comfort for her to go to sleep imagining the ways in which the people whom have wronged her could potentially die, especially at her own hands. Vindictive is her middle-name. She really needs someone to either reel her in or to encourage her murderous ideations. *cough* Lucanis *cough*

Her demeanor is best described as cagey, guarded, curt, no-nonsense, distant, aloof, unnerving almost. In her other iteration, she is literally a Dark Justiciar of one of the most evil fantasy Gods possible. Don't be fooled by her Vallaslin of June in Veilguard, she'd have got one of the Forgotten Ones, if it was an option.

While judgmental of others, she is more judgmental of herself. A perfectionist, I am not, but she is one. Her death-glare doesn't help either. She has a way of looking at people that makes a lot of them think that she hates them. That is only true half of the time. She actually self-flagellates, emotionally - she is a masochist.

She's coolly sardonic, and on the outside, she appears to be dismissive of other people's feelings. However, she is quite sensitive, especially to criticism, deep down. When wronged, she is ruthless to the point where she won't tolerate anything less than the ruination of those whom have done the wronging.

Forgiveness is not a strong point. I've thought of her as the woman with daggers for eyes. It's hard for her to find the glass half-full, in the proverbial sense. One of her worst traits is that she gives a 'fifty reasons why you suck' speech to people under the guise of being helpful.

While she's good at problem-solving, identifying-patterns and putting them into words, she has a lot to work on in her delivery, because the way in which she words things has hurt other people in the past, even though it was not her intention. It doesn't help that she smirks instead of smiles.

Lucanis may end up "fixing" her, because I like flipping tropes and expectations around, and I've seen too many "I can fix him" posts about Lucanis before the game is even out! I like the idea of Lucanis, even with his own issues, being the person she'd needed all along, while she is the person he's also needed.

She's not a vessel for negative traits of my own, and those which I do not have, but she is intended to be a study of a female character with a lot of traits often associated with male characters. She's supposed to be an asshole who eventually accepts her soft side, and lets herself be vulnerable and breathe for once in her life.

Lucanis is the one who prevent her from succumbing to the darkness inside of her and turning into a monster of a person. I'm actually planning to play her BG3 iteration again sooner than later and romance her with Gale to mirror her relationship with Lucanis in Veilguard.

#dragon age: the veilguard #da: tv #rook: nirasha aldwir #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #tav: iellana straeth #elven rook #lucanis dellamorte #high elf tav #rook x lucanis #lucanis x rook #veil jumpers rook #noble tav #mage rook #cleric tav #cleric of shar #sharran rook #rookanis

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waynes-multiverse · 2 years ago

Text

Mercilessly

Pairing: Demon!Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Summary: Once upon a time, there was a heroic, green-eyed hunter, but now, not much of him and his emerald eyes are left after he made a grave mistake and broke the wrong girl’s heart, leaving her empty behind. Y/N, however, is dressed for revenge and ready to take back what once belonged to her...

Warnings: +18!, language, smut (fingering, p in v, dirty talk & slight degrading), canon-level violence, a lot of evil scheming & some dark fluff

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: First time I’m daring to write Demon!Dean. This has been on my writer’s wish list for goddamn ages. Written for my wonderful bestie’s @avanatural‘s 1,000 followers celebration & antagonist challenge. 😈 You and your stories completely amaze me, so here’s to 1,000 more! Collect ‘em like Pokemon, babe! The crown truly belongs to you! 🥳🥂🖤 My prompts were Billie Eilish’s You Should See Me In A Crown 👑 and a quote, which you’ll find in bold. I also based parts of it on The Bravery’s Hatefuck 🔥 because it certainly is a fitting song for Demon!Dean. Enjoy, my loves!

Feedback is highly appreciated! Get me drunk on it and fill my writer’s juice 🤓🥃

Main Masterlist | Dean Winchster Masterlist

High noon. The bar was virtually deserted, tranquil, and almost peaceful, cradling every new arrival in a false sense of security if they weren’t smart enough and came equipped with a sixth sense for peril. After all, some dangers lurked in bright daylight and weren’t as easily identified by the naked eye.

Luckily, Y/N was smarter than most and knew exactly what kind of threat was waiting for her there as her black heels on fiery red soles stormed through the doors of the rundown tavern. The remaining guests of the establishment consisted of drunkard patrons lingering around dirty tables and halfway falling asleep in front of their glasses. Her determined and vibrant eyes, however, immediately landed on a tuft of sandy-blond and disheveled locks.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A beautiful, flesh-eating flower. A blazing hot mess. Dean fucking Winchester.

Y/N was a big girl, though. She knew better than to get lost in something shiny, the glitter and glamour, the cheap thrill. Fuck diamonds. They were just a marketing scheme, and she already fell for good packaging once in her life and got severely burned like a child touching the hot plate of a stove. And while the cold emptiness in her chest prevented her from feeling anything, not even a tingle, her heart still pounded a few beats faster once her eyes caught sight of the main prize.

Her mind flooded with memories, vivid images of a life she once possessed. The endless movie nights, the laughs and talks, the tears and touches, the love that was lost. Lost because of him and his selfishness. And while none of it mattered anymore, she swore a long time ago, she wouldn’t let him get away with it. No, he still had to pay for what he did, suffer the same fate she had. She was deadly set on making her vision a reality.

So, you could say Y/N came prepared, came with a plan. After all, the perfect revenge wasn’t something you could whip up in an hour and implement haphazardly. It took years – years of executing moves, forming questionable relationships, and conducting the most boring research in dusty libraries and tombs. Y/N was absolutely playing the long game, a strategy that’d certainly make every grand master of chess blush.

Of course, the asshole of all assholes didn’t even reward her with a meek glance over his broad shoulder, the bang of a door apparently not thrilling enough for him to spin around. The clicking of high heels on sticky floorboards as she stalked closer to the bar counter, however, seemed to do the trick, her target intrigued enough to finally face her.

The promise of a willing woman, of his next potential prey, naturally forced a predatory smirk onto his plush and sinful lips. A smile, which dropped quite abruptly once her former lover realized who truly stood before his acid green eyes. Oh, she was definitely not the corruptible angel he’d hoped for in his wettest dreams. And while he might be anything but human these days, the shock was big enough to let the black-eyed mask slip, and for a moment, she was reminded of the person he used to be. The good, kind, and selfless hero, full of shame, guilt, and regrets.

God, she hated that fucking guy.

“Remember me, Winchester?” A smirk played across her lips when his instinctive first answer was a light swallow, still subtle enough to pretend he didn’t care. The longer he stared at her, the more it became a scathing glare until the shock had subsided enough, and his defined jaw began to clench under the rough layer of scruff.

“Y/N.” Her name rolled off his wicked lips and nearly caused her to sink to her knees in front of him. It had been too long since he’d last said it, and she almost forgot the sound of it, the deep, shuddering timbre of his voice. The strength it took for him to utter her name in the first place was hidden behind a stoic exterior, however. He’d never thought he’d say it again, either, and it showed. “What the hell are you fucking doing here?”

Her head tilted like a lost puppy’s, brow puckering as her gaze innocently drifted to Crowley next to him, who’d been suspiciously quiet this whole time. “Aw, you didn’t tell him?”

Y/N wasn’t in the least bit surprised that A, the demon tried to cross her, and B, tried to make a run for it with his new bestie. It was what demons, especially Crowley, did best, after all. They couldn’t be trusted. And although she warned the scumbag several times, she naturally expected her peasant’s next move. No one beat the queen of chess.

“Tell me what?” Dean gritted through his pearly white teeth, his glare quickly swerving to his new partner in crime, who swallowed the enormous and craven lump in his throat.

“Crowley, Crowley, Crowley…,” Y/N tsked and casually crossed her arms. “You know, I’ve waited.” She took a step closer to the demon king, the flames in her eyes speaking volumes. “I bid my time. I paid my dues. Don’t you think I deserve credit?”

“Of course, of course,” Crowley scrambled for words, the coward in him ducking so much that even a woman of her small stature practically towered over him. “I couldn’t have done it without your extraordinary genius, my dear.”

“What the fuck is she talking about?” Dean’s patience had dried up like a raisin as he demanded an answer, swiftly pulling out the First Blade. He forcefully slammed it into the wooden countertop of the bar, piercing straight through Crowley’s palm and pinning the demon in place before the slippery bastard could pull a Houdini act on him again.

“Ow! Bloody–!” Crowley hissed in pain and anger at the former hunter, who, in return, smirked quite complacently at the achievement.

“Tell him,” Y/N prompted with an unsympathetic look toward the demon in agony. “Tell him who found Cain in the first place and came up with the idea. Tell him who told you what the mark would do to him. Tell him you truly did nothing because you’re worth nothing. Tell him who made him into what he is. Tell him who cursed him.”

“You did,” Crowley croaked out while his hand soaked the countertop and painted it crimson red. “And may I add, your Majesty looks incredibly pretty today.”

With a scoff, Y/N rolled her eyes at the demon’s obvious attempt of flattery before she snapped her fingers and painfully forced his meat suit to his knees, his palm still nailed to the bar top as he let out a loud scream. She smirked when she noted Dean’s look of surprise at her little trick show. She certainly had leveled up since the last time he’d seen her. It scratched the little tingle in her belly.

“Yeah? If you think I’m pretty, you should see me in a crown. Don’t make me come for your job, too. Let’s face it, Crowley – you’d make a better servant than a king. Cross me again, and I’ll end you, demon scum,” she threatened, her jaw tightening and nostrils flaring. “Did you pathetic weasel really think I wouldn’t find you, slurping chick drinks in some dive bar no less? Do I really need to wear a warning sign next time I make a deal with you? You were supposed to deliver him on a silver platter for me. Did you really think I wouldn’t hunt you down?”

When the reigning king submissively ducked his head and swallowed like a beaten dog, her lips curled into a satisfied smirk. Cheerily, she leaned over the hunter’s lap and the mahogany counter, her hands going through several liquor bottles till she found one to her liking. She purposely stuck her butt out, wiggling and swaying it in front of the former hunter, still remembering a few preferences from the good ol’ days. It didn’t take long before she felt Dean’s long, thick fingers crawl down her spine and smooth over the leather-clad globes of her ass.

“Wanna take this somewhere more quiet, princess?”

Y/N gleefully hugged the chosen bottle of bourbon and pressed the cool, amber glass to her tits, nodding quite eagerly before placing a contrastingly soft kiss on his cheek. “One step ahead of you, my love. It’s time to celebrate!”

As Dean closed the door behind them, he watched as Y/N stalked through the motel room he’d called his home for the past months, curious Y/E/C eyes observing the remnants of his meaningless existence. It had been two years since he’d last seen her, since he kicked her out of the bunker and broke his own useless heart with it. She still looked the same. Stunning and breathtaking like the day he’d met her and bitter, cold, and angry like the day he’d lost her.

“You might’ve acquired those pretty new eyes, but your preferences are still the same, Winchester,” she teased, spinning to him with a grin that reached her ears. “Still picking the shady dive bars and gross motels over the five-star hotels. What’s wrong with a little luxury and a comfortable mattress, huh?”

Dean only rolled his juniper eyes, not in the mood for chit-chat or amusing banter, and prompted, “Why did you do this? Apparently, I owe those pretty new eyes to you.”

“Oh, c’mon, don’t play dumb,” Y/N huffed, annoyed with his act of innocence. “You know why I’m here. Contrary to popular belief, you’ve never been stupid, Dean.” A smirk spread across her face and lit up her dimples as she swayed closer. Her index finger hooked into the waistband of his jeans, pulling him flush against her small body, pointed teeth denting her bottom lip. “You’ve never been-,” her hungry gaze wandered down, palming the growing erection behind the denim, “-disappointing, either. At least not in that regard. You know, I fell for these eyes once before, and they’re even prettier now...”

Her teeth sunk into his pulse point as she left her first mark there, the tip of her tongue licking the salt from his skin. His hands didn’t deny themselves the pleasure of roaming her frame, her perfect curves, and her taut skin either, before one hand found rest on her exquisitely rounded ass, her cheek a perfect fit for his large palm as he cupped and groped it, pushing her against his bulging crotch that achingly pressed against the tight fabric of his jeans and begged for release and a warm, wet hole to fill.

While he hadn’t come to a clear decision about her yet, he knew he could postpone any thinking for later. After all, he did whatever the fuck he wanted, no consequences, and right now, he wanted to shove his cock inside her tight cunt and fuck her like there was no tomorrow. Albeit feelings and past attachments didn’t really play a role for him, he still remembered enough of their time together to know she’d always been a good fuck and certainly the best time. The things she’d do for him, say for him, and let him do, had always been wicked, way before his heart was corrupted, and Dean was all about celebrating the good times these days.

Craving the feeling of a blissful high, his mind flooded with images of the bruises and bites he’d left behind on her skin in the past and filled with thoughts of how much he’d missed her taste and smell. He certainly wouldn’t turn down her irresistible offer. So, throwing his resolve out the window, his mouth roughly claimed hers, tongue slipping inside, teeth biting flesh until it drew sweet, scarlet nectar.

His wet lips trailed along her jawline and down to her delicate neck as she became soft and bendable in his hold. “How did you do that to Crowley?” His question reverberated against her throat before he drew and lifted her chin to meet his gaze. “Last time I checked, you were soulless, not magic, princess.”

He at least had to ensure she couldn’t butcher him before he had a chance to do the same. It didn’t help, though, that their little stand-off was part of the turn-on. Who’d snap first? After all, they’d both been hunters once and knew the game all too well.

Amused, his former lover chuckled with a devilish twinkle in her gorgeous eyes that lit up her entire face. “God, don’t you just love it when they scream? It’s the best sound after cutting someone’s tongue out.”

Dean’s hands then wrapped around her throat, pushing her back into the next wall as he pinned her there and fixed her with a deathly glare, feeling her swallow harshly in his grip. He squeezed a little harder, his jaw tightening with his hold on her. A smirk played across his lips, practically smelling her arousal trickle into her panties.

Dean then pulled the blade from his back and thrust it into the papered wall dangerously close to her head, even drawing a little blood from the tip of her ear. He knew she was smart enough to understand it as a warning. Collecting a scarlet drop on his thumb, he licked his pad and relished in the metallic taste on his tongue.

“You better start answering some questions before I do what I shoulda done a long time ago, sweetheart,” he growled, his nose running along hers as she inhaled his scent like life-supplying oxygen.

But Y/N only smiled mysteriously, puckishly shrugging her shoulders. “Things change. Learned a thing or two after you exiled me. Made some friends in high places.”

“So, what? You did all this for revenge? Little pathetic, don’t you think? All over a good lay…,” he taunted her and scoffed.

Her greedy hands clasped his cheeks, sharp nails piercing his skin as she dragged him back to her addicting lips. “No, baby, I did all this for you, for me, for us. Don’t you see? After everything that happened, after what you’ve done to me… you can finally make it right. I know that’s what you wanted the most, even now with that little curse on your arm. And now, we’re the same without all those icky feelings getting in our way. We can just fuck and make the world ours. One by one.”

“There’s no more us, sweetheart,” Dean bit, flashing her a set of onyx orbs.

“Cute. There’s always an us,” she replied like his answer didn’t even matter to her, leaving no room for further discussions. “Do you still feel guilty about it, hm? You were so, so selfish. At least now, you’re honest about it and not hiding behind feigned heroics anymore.”

“Old me felt guilty, yeah,” he admitted and let out a dark chuckle. “But that’s kinda one of the perks of the new me. Now, I just think those people we used to be were pathetic and weak... I was weak. I sent you away when I shoulda just fucking killed you.”

“Or maybe you should’ve just let me die the way I was supposed to in the first place,” Y/N gritted bitterly. “Maybe you shouldn’t have been so fucking self-serving and let me go. But you couldn’t do that, could you? You had to save me because that was what the great hero Dean Winchester did, right? But the other thing you did so well was fucking things up, and boy, did you fuck this up, didn’t you?” she mocked and smirked when his look darkened and his upper lip twitched in shameful admittance, teeth grinding down. “Do you like my plan so far? You know, not having a soul is almost like already being dead. No dreams, no future... There’s nothing alive inside of me. Might as well sleep in a damn coffin. And because you showed me no mercy, I made sure I showed you none either, my sweet baby boy.”

It was true. It was all his fault she had lost goddamn everything. Her love, her family, her home. As weak as he was, Dean couldn’t let her go when she got hurt during a run-of-the-mill hunt. He brought her back to life, a spell that chipped away her soul till there was nothing left of it. And still, as foolishly smitten and in love as he was, he thought he could goddamn fix it, fix her, fix them. But there was nothing left for him to love and nothing that was capable of loving him back. Yet, he still didn’t have the guts to kill her in the bitter end.

“Want me to correct my past mistake, huh? Is that why you’re fucking here? ‘Cause I’d be happy to do just that,” he growled warningly into her ear as he leaned closer, hearing how her heart rate accelerated as his hot breath fanned against her delicate neck.

“You might be a demon, but I know you still don’t have the fucking heart to kill me,” she giggled in amusement and placed her palm on his chest where the miserable muscle pounded underneath. “Who’s pathetic now, huh?”

“Don’t fucking test me, Y/N. It won’t end well for you, honey,” he threatened, far from admitting that she’d seen right through him and called his bluff. “But then, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve always been a slut for me.”

While Y/N’s little plan, apparently forged in hellfire itself, certainly made them more alike, the difference between them was that he still had a soul. His was just blackened, clouded by darkness, and disfigured over time by an abundance of pain and anger and, well, one little curse. Hers, on the other hand, wasn’t there at all. She was just an empty vessel, no feelings and emotions inside.

Old him couldn’t trust her; new him didn’t care, though. The new and improved version of him even recognized her worth. Y/N had always been cunningly smart, certainly smarter than him and even smarter than Sam. Dean could recall memories of vivid discussions with Bobby, the two of them rattling off weird trivia facts almost to a competitive degree.

Dean needed her. He could use her to his advantage. She was valuable.

Plus, Crowley had started to become annoying fairly quickly. The only reason the former hunter hadn’t stabbed the demon’s meat suit yet was that Dean really didn’t want to take over the duties of kingship. He could care less about Hell. All he wanted was to fuck around, drink excessively, and do a little karaoke.

Y/N, on the other hand, would make a good queen. Smart, driven, just. She’d make fair decisions and reign with an iron fist and a fucking brain. In fact, Dean thought she’d make an excellent ruler of Hell even. She was right from the start: This was what he’d wanted since the day she left him – a way to have her back in his life, didn’t matter if the plan was perfect, good, or straight-up evil. Being a demon, freed from all the chains of humanity, was the best fucking thing that ever happened to him – and he owed it all to her.

“Yeah?” She provokingly nudged his nose as her hand slid under his waistband and inside his boxer briefs, her palm rubbing along his throbbingly hard dick, causing him to growl lowly. “Show me, baby. Show me what a bad guy you can be,” she purred and tore into his plump bottom lip before letting it pop back in its place. “Show me how much you used to love me, how much I meant to you. Show me by fucking me like you hate me now... I wanna be your favorite toy again. Play with me, baby. Love me mercilessly.”

Effortlessly, he twirled her in his hold, pressing her tits against the wall. With one motion, he roughly pried the tight leather leggings over her asscheeks, his hand slipping to her front and cupping her bare and leaking pussy, her arousal trickling onto his finger pads.

“So fucking wet, hm? Did my slut miss me this badly, huh? You missed this cock, baby girl?” he breathed against the nape of her neck and inhaled her intoxicating scent once more before his teeth tore into her smooth flesh, making her cry out. His dick twitched in delight when her moans filled his ears as his digits rubbed at her clit and set the sensitive nerve endings on fire, her nails clawing away at the grimy motel room wall.

One hand then gripped her upper arm tightly and pinned her writhing body in place, his broad chest pressing against her back as his mouth marked her shoulders and spine.

“Cum once now, and I’ll fuck you into the next life, my little plaything,” he husked challengingly into her ear, and just as he thrust his first thick digit inside her waiting, hot center, she came undone and trembled in his hold.

That was one.

Kissing the salty drops from the slope of her neck, his chuckles vibrated against her heated skin. “Still a good girl after all this time. Impressive. You were almost fucking polite. Some things really don’t change, huh?”

Breathlessly, Y/N spun around to face him, the swell of her breasts that spilled out of the revealing top heaving with each erratic intake of air. She grinned crookedly up at him and locked her fingers behind his neck. “Well, haven’t you heard? All the good girls go to Hell. And I believe you promised me something,” she sang like the prettiest, most innocent damsel.

“Don’t be a brat, baby girl. Impatience is a vice,” Dean reminded her, eyes as dark as midnight while his thumb traced her kiss-swollen lips before stuffing his wet fingers into her mouth. Hungrily, he watched her suck them clean as she tasted the mess she’d made, the tip of her tongue provoking his pads and desiring something with more girth.

“Thought we were all about those vices now, my love,” she giggled darkly and kissed his open palm on her cheek before chasing his lips in a drunk delirium, clashing with pointed teeth and tongue.

His hand traveled to the back to cup her head, fingers weaving into her hair and tugging a fistful. Her knees were becoming wobbly, bending and giving in slightly, pulled down by his gravity on her planet, an instant reflex that only came from years of orbiting around each other.

“I want you so badly, De,” she breathed needily against his lips and caressed his cheek with a gentle touch, almost treating him as breakable, whispering, “I might not be able to love you anymore, but I still remember what it felt like, you know? It was so… pure.”

A smile graced his lips, one corner of his mouth rising higher than the other. “Yeah, I know what you mean, sweetheart.”

“You don’t have to worry anymore, baby. I’ll take care of you again. I’ll turn us into something great, amazing even,” Y/N vowed pantingly, the excitement sparkling in her eyes before she desperately claimed his pillowy lips like an addict chasing their next high.

Swiftly, the zipper of his jeans opened, the denim and cotton boxers pooling around his ankles before he gripped his rock-hard cock. Y/N rid herself of her leggings, her hand wrapping around the grip of the First Blade, still firmly stuck in the blood-stained wall. His hand quickly curled around hers on the weapon, a distrustful look glazing his dark green eyes.

“Trust me, okay? I’m not here to cramp your style, baby,” she assured him, a smile playing across her pink lips, and something in her vicious eyes told him that he could confide in her.

Dropping his hand from the blade, he smoothed his palms down her curves and gripped her hips tightly instead as she hoisted herself up on the blade and wrapped her legs around his waist, ankles crossing behind his back. His lips crashed against hers in a scorching kiss, teeth tearing and biting before he lined himself up with her entrance and violently thrust inside her dripping pussy to the hilt. She gasped a loud moan that surely could be heard all through the motel as he bottomed out completely, his dickhead slamming harshly against her cervix. He groaned and closed his eyes for a heartbeat as her warmth enveloped his entire cock. She’d always been the perfect fit for him.

“Missed this, huh?” Y/N teased him, grinning smugly, and watched his brow form furious creases.

“Shut the fuck up,” he grunted and pulled out enough to slam back into her with full force, one hand finding its way back to her throat.

“Oooh, bossy. I like the new you. So raw,” she smirked and gasped anew when he hammered into her again. “F-fuck, baby... That’s it.”

This time, it seemed to do the trick as Y/N’s voice stumped, and she fell silent, her head thumping back against the wall in pleasure as his hips snapped against hers, pounding into her at a furious and relentless speed, the motel room wall shaking with her body.

“You know, by the end of the night, I’ll make sure my cum’s leaking out of every pretty little hole of yours, baby girl. How would you like that, huh?”

With one deafening scream at his next hard and deep thrust, Y/N sinfully smirked at him and nodded eagerly. “Oh, I’d fucking love that, baby.”

Dean tenderly kissed the burning red scratches on her bare back, soothing the bittersweet pain a little as his fingertips traced his marks along her spine. He made good on his promise, fucked her into oblivion without showing her any mercy, so much so that they both lost their sense of time and the meaning of life and love. In the end, it all just trickled down to meaningless, random shit. Pleasure and power were all that truly mattered in this deranged world, after all.

Y/N giggled sweetly as he found another ticklish spot before she turned in his embrace and caught his lips. “So, morning light is here, baby boy. Time to make a choice,” she prompted, smirking broadly. “Wanna team up for a little destruction?”

Dean sent her a smile, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of her face as he gently caressed the rosy apples of her cheeks. Finally, he sealed their deal with a sacrilegious kiss.

“Alright, glad you made the right decision, baby,” Y/N teased, her wicked smile almost splitting her face in half. “You know what we have to do first, though, right?”

“Yeah, we need to kill Sammy, Cas, and Crowley before they ruin our fucking fun,” he replied and kissed a path down to her tits, sucking a hardened nipple into his mouth.

“Ding, ding, ding,” Y/N grinned happily upon his correct answer and wiggled her eyebrows before pushing his head further down between her legs to her abused cunt. “But first, make me scream for mercy again, my love.”

Dear Chuck, you better hide from this toxic af couple 😂 Hope you enjoyed this, babes! There’s another smutty one-shot coming tomorrow for V-Day and then I’m done harassing you 💖😉

Everything Jensen Tags: @extraterrestriali @this-is-me19 @writercole @awkward-and-indecisive @eevvvaa @panicking-outside-the-disco @globetrotter28 @imherefordeanandbones @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior @xlynnbbyx @jassackles @maggiegirl17 @perpetualabsurdity @deans-spinster-witch @deandreamernp @foxyjwls007 @roseblue373 @lyarr24 @deanwanddamons @deanwithscissors @mrsjenniferwinchester @justrealizedimmascifygurl @akshi8278 @flamencodiva @chriszgirl92 @lhymer1995 @wittyboldsoul @djs8891 @leigh70 @snowlovespie @b3autyfuldisast3r @recoveringpastaaddict @ladysparkles78 @muhahaha303 @mimaria420 @creepzeyecandy

Dean Tags: @parinarain @hobby27 @fromcaintodean

#avanaturalsantagonists #demon!dean #demon!dean x female reader #demon!dean x soulless!reader #soulless!reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x female reader #dean winchester reader insert #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fic #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #demon!dean x reader #demon!dean smut #demon!dean one shot #dean winchester one shot

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nerves-nebula · 1 year ago

Note

hi there, i want to ask about your usage of it/its pronouns, sorry if this might make you uncomfortable or if its weird or confusing

are your it/its pronouns any different from it/its pronouns for an object? I don't know how to word it sorry, I'm just trying to understand more about other types of pronouns

It’s fine. They aren’t different from an objects it/its to me, because objects & animals & concepts aren’t inherently inferior to humans, so I wouldn’t really mind being in the same group as them conceptually.

It’s a mindset I haven’t fully gotten into but I’m trying to rework the way I see the world, inspired partially by the things I’ve heard native Americans say. Like, I am not better than the food I eat because I’m human. A bear isn’t better than me because they can eat me & kill me. Humans are a part of the earth and would do best to work inside of it and with it than to try to control it or put ourselves on a higher level than it’s other creatures.

I mean clearly we can’t be all that much smarter & more important, what with what we’ve got going on.

But anyway, my pronoun change was at first honestly just the most logical conclusion.

Here’s my train of thought: I didn’t like he or she, Im not a man or a woman. and they/them don’t tell you anything about my gender. If you hear someone call me they/them you aren’t even gonna know I have a weird gender!

Similar to how man and woman are genders, but Non-binary isn’t. Non-binary just describes what you aren’t, its an umbrella term not (inherently) a specific gender. it’s very broad and most nonbinary people I’ve seen & met still identify in parts with man and woman. They/them is so vague that no one would bat an eye if you slipped in a they while describing a cis person who clearly reads as their assigned gender.

And I’m too forgetful & lazy to use neopronouns so, it/it’s was the natural choice. It’s easier to integrate because people already use it/it’s for stuff all the time.

And see, here’s the thing: I have a gender, I’m not vague or in between or a mix. And it’s much closer to like, the idea of a Third Gender. This was something that frustrated me a lot in high school because I would go looking for labels and most of them were about proximity to manhood & womanhood. Or about being agender or neutral. Or about concepts I fully did not relate to. I am not one of those things.

Another issue I had was that a lot of these gender labels had “-gender” at the end which doesn’t make sense to me at all. It’s not mangender and womangender so I didn’t vibe with this naming scheme.

I was also hesitant to use a label a white person made because I’d noticed that white people kind of have a different experience with nonbinary gender than people like me.

Luckily I found the perfect label! Maverique! It had no weird -gender suffix and it was made by a black person who created it online after realizing neutral/agender didn’t fit right.

And yea so it/its is a signifier of me as a third thing. not male, not female, not neutral or in between or lacking gender- just a different kind of person.

And this isn’t even getting into all the ways that I related to monsters in media, which were frequently called by it/it’s pronouns. Or how being abused factors into seeing myself as a non human THING and how embracing that makes me feel much more alive & like a person.

So yea, that’s the run down :)

#nnstuff #ask #it pronouns #trans #nonbinary #transgender #queer

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kierancampire · 1 year ago

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I have some more gender questions

So I must admit, I am struggling with understanding trans non-binary, my brain is having difficulty with this one. But it's been less than a month since I heard about it, I only just heard the term "trans umbrella" for the first time yesterday, also still very ill and tired, so this all is new to me and I think with time I'll get it, but for now, even after explanations my brain is struggling with it. I accept that people identify that way, I personally just am struggling to understand it is all

But I think one thing that will help, if anyone could answer, and again I am sorry if I word things poorly or say anything offensive, that's why I'm asking, to better understand to not cause offense. Anyway, yes I have some specifically non-binary questions that I think will help me better understand non-binary and also trans non-binary

So what is the difference between personality and gender identity? As an example, yes, for many years I severely struggled with being a man/male, and didn't really like being viewed as one. But I sort of changed what being a man means to me personally, and while society as a whole may not agree with it, for me it helped me embrace being a cis man but I don't view that as gender, I just view that more as personality. So how do you differentiate what's just your personality and the things you like/dislike, and what is gender identity?

But to go on further, and this is my second question. So I do believe that too many things are unnecessarily gendered, and I do believe people should be allowed to enjoy things outside of social constraints, for instance I don't think it makes you any less of a man to wear dresses or make up, and I find it stupid that toothbrushes, vitamins, razors and such are gendered. Then again in myself, I am aware I have "traditionally female" interests, like baking, knitting, fruity/floral scents, in a sense art, and yes, I do have a few "women's" clothing, but I personally don't believe these things make me less of a cis man and I feel no shame in liking them. But while I have seen others share this view, I have noticed at the same time that trans/non-binary people will wear dresses and make up to be fem, but have short hair and jeans/graphic tees to be masc, but doesn't that inherently go against the ideology that these things aren't gendered?

And a sort of third question tied to the other two, yes, as shared, there are many "traditionally feminine" things about me, yet I personally see those more as personality than gender as it is things I enjoy as a person that I feel aren't tied to my gender identity, and happily I see myself solely as a cis man. So what is the difference in myself and others where they either feel these things are gendered, or that it makes them feel they do not belong to one gender? Because I do feel in my position maybe others would view it as a binary/gender issue and struggle with their gender identity, but for me it is just personality and not gender? So what makes people view these things differently to me?

Again, I must admit I have always silently really struggled with either not feeling like you are male/female, or that you change between the two or even more, I've never said anything out of not wanting to cause offense, but it is a thing that my mind just struggles to understand. So if others could help me understand how they view the relation/separation of gender and personality, and even what gender means to them, that'd help me a lot. I truly really do want to understand it, but I think like the idea that trans isn't solely binary, even after answers/explanations it may take more time, thinking, and maybe more questions to understand it. I truly do accept people feel this way, but I just want to understand why they do

I guess something I should add on actually is my lack of care in a personal sense. As I have shared in the past, people in cat groups constantly think I am a woman and call me she/her all the time, but I just never correct people on it as I don't care, and I think that's why I have never put my pronouns in my bio, I don't care. I prefer to be called he/him, especially by friends and family, but I guess that's the thing, people who know better I expect them to address me as a cis man, but for others, I just don't necessarily care, as long as they aren't calling me an insulting name it's whatever. But again, I think this causes an issue in my personal relation to gender identity/personality and how others perceive it, as an area I don't care about, others care greatly for, so it's hard to fully understand the difference in views, which again I accept it, just not necessarily fully understand it

#personal #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbt+#lgbt #lgbt community #lgbtq community #lgbtq #lgbtqia #gender #gender identity #question #questions

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aluveras · 2 years ago

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Not too much fun!

Peter parker x Female reader

A/n: I wanna clarify that all my female reader fics and male reader (if i make them) are trans friendly since i see =trans people as the gender they identify as, if its not trans friendly (use of genitilia for example but you can just imagine you had ur surgery) i'll say it in the fic.

Warnings: suggestive content, fluff, may being a character i enjoy way too much.

Word count: 1.2k

____________________

‘’Can you be any more obsessed bro?’’

Pete whips his head over to Ned. He could barely hear him over the crowd of people in the cafeteria.

‘’What? I’m not obsessed what are you talking about?’’

‘’Hey, it’s fine I get it. She’s absolutely gorgeous.’’

‘’Tell me something new’’ Peter answers dreamily while his chin rests on his hand.

‘’You guys are weirdos.’’ MJ says out of nowhere

‘’Yeah, well you sit with weirdos.’’ Peter says back immediately.

It was silent for a few seconds.

‘’That sounded a lot less pathetic when I thought of it...’’

‘’Yeah that’s with most of what you say I think.’’ Ned answers

‘’Ned come on dude, you’re supposed to be on my side.’’

Too focused on the conversation Peter all of a sudden felt his peter ting- Spider sense, sensing in a very weird way.

‘’Hey Peter.’’

There you were. The most beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, jaw dropping girl he had ever seen.

Ned shoved him to say something.

‘’H-hey Y-Y/n’’ You giggle at his stutter and he swears he is ascending into heaven hearing that sound.

‘’I was wondering if you could help me with the decathlon practice, I don’t really know anyone on the team and you seem nice. And I’ve seen you in class you’re in incredibly smart. So could you help me?’’

This is a dream. It has to be, he thinks.

‘’If you don’t want to you can say so, it’s okay. ‘’ you say because of his silence. A hint of disappointment in your voice

‘’No! I would love to!’’ Peter squeaked, immediately cringing at how he said it.

Ned and even MJ can’t help but chuckle a little, neither can you.

‘’Okay great! At your place after school today?’’

‘’Yeah, I’ll walk with you to my place if you don’t mind?’’

‘’That would be great! Thank you.’’

You walk away with a big smile and so does peter as he watches you until you’re out of frame.

- after school –

You walk up to Peter at the entrance of the school.

He feels you coming and turns around quickly, his cheeks already starting to blush at seeing how beautiful you look.

‘’Hey Pete! Ready to go?’’ if he wasn’t blushing already he sure as hell was now that you used a nickname for him.

‘’Yeah just follow me!’’

-After walking for a bit you arrived at his apartment-

As he allowed you to step in you immediately saw and smelled a cloud of smoke and a middle aged woman cooking…or at least trying to. As she turned around you made eye contact and her face immediately lit up.

‘’Peter! Who is this beautiful young lady?!’’

‘’May, this is Y/n, Y/n this is my aunt May.’’ He said happily finally getting to introduce you to his aunt who he has been ranting about you to.

‘’Hello miss Parker, it’s nice to meet you!’’

‘’It’s May to you sweetie and it is lovely meeting you! I’ve been waiting for this ever since peter couldn’t stop talking about you.’’

‘’She’s joking!’’ Peter says quickly

‘’I don’t talk about you at all! Well that’s not true, I don’t never mention you or pretend you don’t exist or something I just-‘’

Peter was cut off by your laugh, he wish he could have that his alarm in the morning. That would make him wake up and make sure he hears it again. (he means the waking up part in a good way)

‘’It’s okay Peter, if it makes you feel better I talk a lot about you too’’ You smirk.

Peter starts blushing like crazy as he clears his throat and says,

‘’So we’re gonna go study together in my room, if that’s okay?’’

‘’Yes of course, have fun…’’

You and Peter walk to his room and just before he closes his door you hear May say,

‘’But not too much fun!’’

‘’May! Really?!’’ Peter whines

‘’Sorry, I had to!’’

As you sit by Peters bed and he sits next to you, you finally start to realize what you’re gonna do.

You’ve been having this crush on Peter for a while now, you kept seeing him stare and somewhere along the way when he wasn’t staring at you, you would stare at him. You waited for him to do something but he just never did, just kept staring and never doing anything.

So one day when you had enough of the waiting you decided to form a plan. You didn’t even need help for school, it was just a perfect plan to hang out with Peter and tell him how you feel. Though when you sat there, you couldn’t even think about actually doing it.

There were times while working you two looked into each other eyes and didn’t even say anything, it would feel like the time stopped and all that there was Peter and this feeling. This feeling. A feeling that is hard to describe but so pleasing.

A warmth in your chest, a smile that you can’t hide because it’s just so strong. Your heart going faster than ever and your hands shaking like crazy. Your brain could barely focus on anything other than his eyes.

‘’Y/n?’’ Peter says softly.

‘’Hm?’’ you hum also softly.

Then Peters body works faster than his brain and he just leans in. And you meet him halfway.

As your lips softly meet, the feeling is stronger than it’s ever been. As you depart you are both blushing insanely.

‘’Thank you.’’ Peter says

‘’Thank you?’’ You giggle

‘’For letting me kiss you! And not getting mad that I didn’t ask before.’’

‘’Peter, I wanted to kiss you and you gave me enough time to pull away, don’t worry.’’

‘’Really?!’’

You start to full on laugh now.

‘’Hey! Don’t laugh I was really nervous.’’

‘’I know, so was i!’’

‘’What! Why? I’m just Peter, a lonely nerd.’’

‘’You’re not lonely! You have Ned and MJ plus I like that your nerdy, I want a hot nerdy boyfriend!’’

You immediately regretted saying that.

‘’Not that I expected you to now immediately be my boyfriend! If you don’t want that then that’s fine.’’ You just wanted to disappear. (Like peter did in infinity way)

‘’I would actually…love to be your boyfriend…’’ Peter says softly

‘’Well then…’’ there was a silence which you expected to be awkward, but you just stared into each other eyes comfortably.

‘’Can I-‘’ He clears his throat before speaking again. ‘’Maybe kiss you again?’’

You giggle.

‘’We’re together now Pete, you don’t have to ask.’’ You laugh

And by that Peter (surprisingly easy to you) lifts you up a bit and makes sure you straddle him comfortably.

‘’Wow, who knew Peter had such mo-‘’ and before you could finish your lips were in a heated make out sesh with peters.

Just as he slips in his tongue into your mouth and he leaves a long groan, the door swings open.

And there stands a shocked and happy May.

‘’You got the girl!..’’ and quickly after that she says ‘’but I meant the not too much fun part not until your further into the relationship!’’

You laugh as Peter whines again ‘’May!’’

_______________________________

#peter parker #peter parker x fem #peter parker x fem!reader #spiderman #spiderman x y/n #peter parker x y/n #marvel #aunt may #trans woman #woman #marvel mcu #tom holland #tom holland x female reader #tom holland x fem

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