#i feel much better
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pov: you have an imaginary dead(?) friend
#sketch#yttd#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#sou hiyori#shin tsukimi#midori yttd#credits: dialogue @ alan wake 1#playing aw during artblock is crazy#it's some kind therapeutic and insane at the same time#i feel much better#at least i can draw again lol#no i'm not in the dark place#...maybe
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First I’m literally obsessed with the way you write homie it’s literally so in character.
Second, how do you think he would react to having a thicker gf and seeing them being verbally harassed bc of it? I feel like he would lose his mind
this fic has been rewritten and given a smutty follow up! check it out here. ;)
Tonight's gala is a significant one. Not only does Homelander have about a dozen deals to grease with a firm handshake and some oily promises, it's your first time attending one of these events at his side. He couldn't be prouder. You took his breath away in your formal wear; a sight to behold that had him clapping his delight. "You're gonna knock them dead," he whispered in your ear, savoring the flustered, breathy way you laughed.
Strange now that when he looks for you, Homelander doesn't see you on the event floor. You had gone to get drinks while he spoke with this senator—who has officially lost any and all of his interest in the wake of your disappearance—but you've been gone too long. Like an itch at the back of his neck, something doesn't feel right. "Ah, apologies, senator, I seem to have misplaced my date," he says, flashing his best award winning smile. "Gimme a minute to find her. Make sure she hasn't gotten herself into any trouble," he says, throwing in a wink for good measure. His pleasant expression falls off as soon as his back is turned to the boring little man. When Homelander doesn't find you on the event floor, he steps out. He listens for you, filtering out the music, the chatter, the noise of the world. He seeks what is familiar to him, what he would know from a meter or a mile away, and what he hears puts a lump of ice into his gut. You're crying.
Homelander moves swiftly down the hall, finding the women's bathroom in a heartbeat. You've gone far from the event floor, bypassing the nearer bathroom to use one further away. You're hiding, he realizes, but he can't fathom what from. He moves faster, imagining that you're hurt, that someone has you, that— "Babe?!" Homelander calls sharply, slamming open the door. He doesn't mean to scare you, but he can see in your expression that he did. Your eyes are wide and red, tears trailing black mascara down your cheeks. You stand with your hand lingering on the bathroom sink, and as the shock fades, your expression falters.
He's never seen you look so... sad. It twists in him like a hot knife, the discomfort he feels at it turning immediately into rage. Anger comes quick and easy to him. His voice is low when he demands, "Tell me what happened." "It's nothing," you try to dismiss, picking up the tissues you dropped on the floor to toss them into the garbage. "I just got overwhelmed at the party." "You're crying in a bathroom a floor down from the event, it is categorically not nothing," he argues, taking hold of your arms once he's near enough. He pulls you into him, lifting a hand to cup the side of your face. Thanks to plenty of experience with makeup in film and television, he knows better than to smear the blackened tears on your cheeks, though the impulse to wipe them away is there. "C'mon. Tell me."
You lean into him as you always do. He is a pillar, just as you have been for him. He can't fucking stand seeing you like this. "I don't belong here. I don't... talk, or dress, or look like these people. They're all..." You lift your hands, gesturing vaguely. Your voice sounds hoarse. He can't bear the sadness in it. "Perfect." "You have to be kidding me," Homelander says, his disbelief genuine. "The gaggle of sycophants and suits back there? They're insipid. Boring as all hell. I can't even tolerate being in the same room as them without you anymore," he says, huffing a laugh in an attempt to ease your mood. Anything to bring back your smile. "Seriously, what brought this on? You've never given a shit about all that pomp before." Your gaze drops. He knows you're hiding something from him. "Hey, c'mon," he coos, using the knuckle of his index finger to tilt your chin back up. "Tell me, and I will make it better."
One way or another.
With visible reluctance, you take a breath. "I... went to get the drink, like I said," you begin, fidgeting with the zipper on his glove. "When a group of people kind of cornered me at the bar. They seemed nice at first, they were asking questions about me, about us, which I know you said to expect, but then..." Your eyes prickle, he can see fresh tears well up as you speak. Homelander slips a hand to your back, rubbing it, his brow furrowed.
Sounds like someone's going to die tonight.
"One of them commented on my dress, she said that... Vought must not be used to dressing women my size," you say, voice falling quieter with every word. New tears fall. Homelander's jaw tenses. He looks away from you, blinking back that familiar crimson burn. "They all started laughing, and I just wanted to disappear," you say, a tight little sob escaping your throat as Homelander pulls you in against his chest, rubbing your back. "I'm sorry I didn't-" "No," Homelander interrupts, his anger making the word sound harsher than he intended. "No," he says again, correcting himself to be gentler. This rage isn't for you, after all. "No apologies. Let's get you cleaned up, alright? Get back out there." Someone is definitely going to die tonight. You tense up, pushing back from his arms to look up at him. "Please, I'd really like to just go home." "We will," he assures you, smoothing his hands up and down your arms. "Soon. I want you to show me the group who spoke to you."
"I don't want to cause a scene," you plead, flattening your hands to his chest. "They're not worth it." "No, they're not. But you are," he says, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips. He holds you firm until he feels you begin to melt, yielding to the warmth of him. By the time he draws back, you look sufficiently pliant. "Okay," you say quietly. He bites back a predatory smirk. "Nothing too dramatic, please?" You plea, leveling him with an attempt at a firm look, despite your big teary eyes. "Me? Dramatic?" He asks, feigning outrage. "I mean it," you stress, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. There it is, Homelander thinks. There is not a single heinous thing he would not do to see you smile. "Relax," he purrs. "I'll handle this."
When the two of you return to the event floor, it only takes you a moment to point out the offending group. With a hand wrapped securely around your waist, Homelander brazenly guides you to them. He feels you squeeze his hand anxiously, but he isn't the least bit deterred.
"Heyyy, what's up!" Homelander greets boisterously, bulldozing into their conversation with the friendliest of tone. Only you are wise enough to recognize the venom dripping from the corners of his mouth. His canines glint sharply in the light, as if eager for a bloody meal.
The air is strange, a mixture of drunken excitement and surprised nervousness. It's not every day Homelander himself steps into your conversation. A few of them look at you before they exchange glances, but clearly enough alcohol has been imbibed that they're feeling brave. They don't see the danger they're in. Homelander runs his tongue along his teeth. You clueless fucking idiots.
"Homelander, oh my god! I was hoping to run into you," one of the women announces. He can smell the liquor on her breath when she leans in, putting a bold hand on his arm opposite to the one he holds you with. "I'm such a fan, you have no idea. I've seen every one of your movies," she says, flushed giddy.
"Always great to meet such a dedicated fan," he says, lying through his teeth. A glance through her bag gives him exactly what he needs; her Vought security badge. She works in communications. "Kathleen, right? In Communications," he says, pointing a finger at her, his eyes slightly narrowed, as if he's just now recalling this information. "Oh, I-wow, yes! I can't believe you know who I am," she says, glancing back at her companions.
"I try to know everyone I work with," he lies smoothly, subtly shrugging her hand off of his shoulder, placing his hand on his hip. Not all of them work for Vought, but each of them has their ID on them. A quick flit of his super powered vision between them is all it takes for him to know each and every one of them.
Homelander cocks his head to the side, giving her a once over. Her dress is richly patterned, a myriad of black, white and red. The belt bears a familiar double C logo.
“Wow, Kathleen, look at you. Chanel, huh? Oh, wait…,” he stops himself, leaning forward to take a better look at the details of the dress. He clicks his tongue, standing straight. “Nooope, I misspoke. Chanel doesn’t bleed. Not a bad knock-off, though,” he says with a brief downturn of his lips, shrugging. Immediately, all eyes fall on Kathleen. There are a couple of stifled giggles and some childish oohh's. The man to her left, seeming eager to play along with Homelander’s little game of Mean Girls, readily chimes in, “Busted.” “I’d be quiet if I were you, Chuck,” Homelander says, rounding on the man so sharply, his laughter falls immediately silent. The shock on his face is understandable. He doesn't work for Vought. Homelander has no right knowing his name. “I can smell the red paint on the bottom of those misshapen Johnston & Murphy’s you’re trying to pass off as Louis Vuitton. Now that’s embarrassing.” This time, no one’s laughing. There’s no mirth left in Homelander’s voice, and they've all finally realized it. His gaze is drifting from one potential prey to the next, his mouth set in an unyielding line. He lifts his brows, waiting for them to continue their jeering.
“What? No one has anything to say to that? How about you, Jason?” He asks, startling one of the other men. “Why don’t we talk about those fucking ugly veneers of yours? I mean, god damn. I’ve never seen a more square smile in my life. It’s like staring at white slatwall every time you open your mouth.” Homelander begins to laugh. The sound of it is thorned, vicious to behold. “Aww, c’mon, don’t be so fucking sensitive. You wanted to have a laugh at my girl, right? Let’s laugh, then,” he says, lifting a gloved hand to snap his fingers impatiently, demanding, “Laugh!” Like a bark from an obedient dog, a single man amidst the group forces a stilted laugh. Homelander hones in on him with the precision of a seeking missile, dropping his hand. Deadpan, he asks, “Something funny, Jim?” Jim audibly gulps. “Y-you said-” "Y'see, that's your problem. You're all just a bunch of fucking sheep, so desperate to be seen as somebody, you end up being no one at all. If you put half the effort you put into kissing ass into a personality, you might be a fraction as interesting as she is," he says, gesturing to you with the hand he doesn't have holding you close.
"But instead you prop yourselves up on all this..." Homelander spins his hand loosely through the air before sighing, "Bullshit. It's boring. You're all so fucking boring and miserable with yourselves. You reek of it," he says, lip twitching in a near snarl. "Go. Get the fuck out of my tower,” he rumbles, voice set low. “All of you. Before I throw you off the balcony myself.”
There's a pregnant pause before Homelander snaps, "Now!" Like roaches, the lot of them scatter. Homelander watches them with a sneer. He would have preferred literally tearing them apart, but it's neither the time nor the place. "Holy shit," you whisper. Homelander hums quietly, turning to look down at you. Before he can say a word, you grab hold of the back of his neck and kiss him absolutely senseless. He grins against your lips, turning to pull you properly into his arms. His ego swells immediately, the kiss speaking volumes. You're pleased. Pleased with him. He greedily soaks up the feeling of your body against his, lips moving against yours, eager to chase away the salt smell of your tears with something a little more salacious. The two of you break apart before the kiss becomes any more scandalous than it already was, the buzz of the crowd around you dulled by the fervency pulsing between your bodies. "That was... the hottest thing anyone has ever done for me," you whisper, your heart beating heavily in your chest.
"That so? Might not be for long. This dress on your body has been driving me positively wild. All. Night. Long," he says, punctuating each word with a kiss. You bite your lip, inhaling a sharp, flustered little breath. "Can we get out of here yet?"
"You're damn right we can," he says, kissing you again.
That night, Homelander fucks you in and out of the dress. The truth of it is that whether you're dressed to the nines or laid completely bare, he will always be wild for you. You're beautiful, you're his through and through, and he's going to make sure every inch of you knows it.
He can deep fry those morons another night.
#thank you so much for the lovely words and the prompt!!! i hope this works for you#homelander x reader#homelander x you#plus size reader#darling anon#ask and you shall receive#my writing#fatphobia cw#very mild dw#i'm sorry it's late i will proof read in the morning haha#i wrote this as a palate cleanser#i feel much better
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it’s really amazing how much tiny decisions and changes can improve mental states when neurodivergent. everyone jokes about dyeing your hair as therapy but like why does it work
#was feeling really burnt out but then got a new phone and dyed my hair and all of a sudden#I feel much better#taking control of your life in small ways blah blah blah#neurodivergent
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Just made myself an actual meal instead of lazily throwing something in the microwave. And now I feel much more human. Was worth the effort.
So take that brain.
Pretty proud of myself, ngl.
Peace <3
#self care#motivation#inspiration#take care of yourself#its worth it#i feel much better#for now#have a good night!#im proud of myself
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Hello everyone sorry for the quietness lol I had food poisoning
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Well……..I’m back
Turns out I’m not a manipulative asshole. And those so called ‘friends’ are spreading rumors about me when I was in a mental crisis. And me and Dom are on speaking terms and have forgave each other, but now the server is spreading rumors about him due to a user that goes by Noodle was being Racist towards Him all because Dom didn’t do what they wanted.
So uhhhh…yeah-
How ever I want be posting a lot due to me putting myself into my school work and doctors appointments, but I am officially back.
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me: sorry i brbed, im in a low mood, u can play a different game without me
partner and friends: what's wrong?
me: idk just dropped in mood suddenly
partner: well, tell me what the first thing on your mind is
me: gortash's hands
partner: -laughs- okay, well. we can keep playing baldies and get closer to kicking his ass, and cutting off his hands, would that make you feel better?
me: yea..
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i’m sorry about that nasty anon :^( i hope it’s words aren’t bothering your heart too much. your complains are valid! it’s so annoying when people use “dm for removal” just for show, i hope their account gets deleted for your sake or they forget their password and can’t get it back 🫶
Nah I was ready to throw hands but they never responded SMH while I killed time drawing and catching up on games. Same like if they put that up, that means they got in trouble before for stealing!! I hope their account gets eaten by a porygon :)
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gotta say: tequila and popcorn WAS the move
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Woke up this day feeling completely drained and very much head empty so I've been spending it with my cat (since when are YOU sleeping on my lap?) watching old star trek tng episodes and let me tell you I needed that
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I have the ability to taste only two things right now, sugar and salt. Everything tastes like sweet cardboard or salty cardboard, even hot sauce which I've taken to slathering on things to just feel something. AhhhhghhhHHHHHH
#i feel much better#and boom can taste nothing#im a whiny baby i know#first time having covid and atleast i got it with having the boosters etc#and not raw dogging it#personal
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worked on a couple wips <3 super eepy n thinking abt rafe
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something i wrote some time ago
TW: implication of /sh/, contempt, self-hatred.
i'll go ahead and write another song, another poem, another word, in hopes of healing my broken heart, like shards of glass, brittle like a diamond, and it sticks on your eyes, making you cry, world gone red as the same glass we looked trough once and helped us to see now skins us alive and makes us bleed-
scream, agony inside, you don't know what's pain, stuck in a single thought- they've gone through far worse, who do u think u are? you're nothing but dust, sit down as u must.
go ahead and cry your little tears, but they won't save you from the sad, like a sickness taking over your mind, twisting your words, crossing your arms, autodestructing yourself as the little thing u are, and you can write and scream but it won't go away, no it'll stay until u are so much on despair you choose to end your own life, and the cicle repeats again, and we can't choose but to stay and shut up.
cut your veins and see the liquid red flow outside, focus on the pain so noone knows what goes on deep inside.
there's no going back now.
#i was very depressed#and overwhelmed#i feel much better#now that some time has passed#but the dark thoughts#never fully go away#spilled words#alhya's words#poetry#p.s. i didnt harm myself#pls dont worry#<3
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Seeing thrawn again this episode gives me hope for the future, cuz live-action thrawn looks like elon musk -> -> -> THEREFORE all of his plans are going to go catastrophically wrong
#i feel much better#maybe it’s ooc but who knows what being stranded on a planet with Ezra Bridger for 10 years will do to you#star wars rebels
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i took a small break from here because i felt like i was getting Sucked into a portal and it’s honestly. honestly been REALLY good and i am considering. Not leaving entirely but maybe popping in only for when i need to post chapters of ck. could set up a queue to run through the week too. because. it was such a good break LMAOOOOOOO
#coming back now to tend to whatever has gone on in my activity hehe#or maybe limiting my time here idk but#i feel Much Better
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I am deciding to be gentle with myself this year above all else.
#or:#I have a bad cold and fever and I was supposed to leave for Milan tomorrow for 2 weeks and that is obviously not happening#am I sad? yes#am I disappointed? very much#do I feel extreme levels of anger at the thought of how much money I spent on this non refundable trip? also yes#and do I feel fomo about not being there with the friends I was supposed to see? above all else#but also#I am tired of feeling sorry for myself#and subjecting my brain to bad emotions and feelings by overthinking things I KNOW are making me feel worse#so I will allow myself to feel those things and then I’ll move on m#i won’t get stuck on them like a broken record#like I usually do when bad things happen to me#I feel much better
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