#i feel like what we're seeing here is that john and sam are no longer opposing forces; they're aligned such that they became a unified plan

[eldestdaughterdeans]

enmeshment levels are absolutely off the charts in spn 1x21 salvation, but what's interesting is that as john and sam form a united front, dean actually differentiates himself more.

john and sam both use first person plural when referencing the revenge quest (this is one of those times it would be very inch resting if english differentiated between "inclusive we" and "exclusive we"). john specifically says "look, our whole lives we been searching for this demon right?", which sam echoes later when he says to dean "we've been searching for this demon our whole lives."

what is incredibly interesting about this language is that while it is essentially true for dean and more-or-less literally true for sam, john had an entire life before mary's death. at this point he's spent almost half of his life on the demon's trail, but that's still three decades that john is writing off. and in doing so, he's implicitly positioning himself as a peer to his sons.

meanwhile, dean repeatedly assumes responsibility for john's well being. he checks in on john when john is visibly distraught over pastor jim's death, he repeatedly points out the hand-off with meg is a trap, he practically begs john to value his own life, says he wishes they were there to back him up (to which sam responds he wishes john was backing them up), and repeatedly calls john while sam is still brooding over not running into a burning building.

and notably, when dean is explaining his state of mind to sam, he corrects himself from "we" to "I": "The three of us… that's all we have… and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man… and without you or Dad…"

(and what does sam do in the face of dean's emotional honesty? suddenly he's reminded that they haven't heard from john.)

there's something interesting about dean being excluded from john and sam's shared Righteous Heterosexual Masculine Vengeance, which provides paper thin characterization. dean's conflict is much more grounded because he's motivated by what's right in front of him. but by putting him in the position of caretaker, subservient to the Plot Driving Characters, he figuratively assumes the role of *gunshots*

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: all hell breaks loose: part 2 // cn mention of suicide

oh god well we're really in it now, lads(gn).

the episode opening with dean lashing out at bobby is so raw and harsh it pulls me right into the inconsolable, hopeless grief. and then, of course, dean apologizes. because, as always, despite being crushed by the strain and loss and grief, it's still dean. always will be.

DEAN: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just go.

and he says it so softly, almost sweetly. he sounds like a little kid. like i am GNAWING MY HANDS OFF but okay.

since early in season 1, dean has been making it clear that sam's life and safety and john's life and safety matter more to him than hunting or revenge. he spends much of season 1 trying to help sam pace his anger. he spends the season 1 penultimate and final episodes trying to keep both sam and john from sacrificing themselves. he makes it crystal clear in 2.09 that he doesn't see a future for himself where sam is dead. so his speech in 2.22 isn't a surprise. but god it's so awful to see how much of dean's own self-worth is tied up in the role he was given in his family. so much so that even though losing sam is not even a little bit his fault, he blames himself.

DEAN: I just wanted you to be a kid... Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you... Keep you safe... Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job... And I screwed it up.... I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy. God. What am I supposed to do? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! 

the idea that it's dean's fault is reinforced by the crossroads demon

DEMON: Gone and got your family killed. All alone in the world. It's too sweet. Excuse me, you're gonna have to give me a moment. Sometimes you gotta stop and smell the roses.

it's very similar to what she says in 2.08 as well

DEMON: Because your misery's the whole point. It's too much fun to watch. Knowing how your daddy died for you, how he sold his soul. I mean, that's gotta hurt. It's all you ever think about. You wake up and your first thought is, "I can't do this anymore." You're all lit up with pain. I mean, you loved him so much. And it's all your fault.

when, of course, it's not dean's fault? that was john's choice. now of course, i know why dean feels guilty and like it is his fault. but more than that, i think this part of the demon's plan. because they don't just need sam to be hardened and ready to fight (as azazel said in the previous episode and as you will see ruby manipulate him toward being in season 3), they need dean in hell to break the seals. so the more they reinforce dean's guilt and john's deal and dean's self-loathing and suicidality the better.

and it works. he makes the deal :(

i can't help but notice how azazel's speech to dean is similar to what alastair says in 4.16

AZAZEL: Anyway... thanks a bunch. I knew I kept you alive for some reason. Until now, anyway. I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family.

ALASTAIR: When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester.

there's an interesting parallel here in terms of what the apocalypse plan required to happen to sam and dean. azazel tells sam that he is "well-trained, thanks to your daddy....I needed you sharp, on the road, honing your skills. Your gifts." (2.21) the demons' plans for sam started to go south when he left john for college. because what john was teaching sam to do and be is what they wanted.

and the same, of course, is true for dean. john taught him that the most important thing was to look after sam. so all it takes to get dean into hell is kill sam. john trained dean up perfectly for them as well.

this dynamic is perfectly shown when, as soon as he's up, sam wants to continue hunting and dean is desperately trying to get him to rest and stay safe without saying that he can't bear the thought of sam in danger when he just sold his soul for sam's life.

SAM: I don't know. But whatever it is, we got to stop him. DEAN: Well, hold on. You need to get your rest. We got time. SAM: No, we don't. DEAN: Sam, oceans aren't boiling, okay? Frogs aren't raining from the sky. Let's get you your strength back first. .... SAM Well, come on then. Bobby's only a few hours away. DEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, Sam, stop! Damn it. You almost died in there. I mean, what would I 've — can't you just take care of yourself for a little bit, huh? Just for a little bit? SAM: I'm sorry. No.

this episode is so painful to watch but at the same time there are so many beautiful moments in it that are just overflowing with love. the way it's clear that bobby has been bringing in food to try and get dean to eat. and then similarly when dean finds sam resurrected, the first thing he does is try to feed him.

DEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, Van Damme. You just woke up, all right? Let's get you something to eat. Huh? You want something to eat? I'm starving. Come on.

or when dean hugs sam, he throws his arms over sam's (much taller) shoulders. or when they find ellen alive, dean pulls her right in for a hug and dips his face into her shoulder! or dean getting to kill azazel!!!! "That was for our mom... you son of a bitch." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

i also really like the way dean's forehead cut is a parallel to his scar from 2.01. but look how much he's carrying from everything that happened to him in between...

but also my god look how cute he is!!!

THAT'S MY BOY THAT'S MY BOYYYYYYY!!!!!

lastly, i'm just wondering how john got out? they make it pretty clear that it's mostly just demons who made it out of the devil's gate (3.01, 3.03). so if john's the only human soul that got free, what does that tell us? i've maintained for a long time that i think john was never actually intended to be the michael sword so he could have never broken the seal so alastair is almost certainly lying when he says john never tortured souls. i don't know it just feels like it leaves us with a lot of possibilities to consider: 1. the most straightforward one the show presents - john is tough and fought his way out. 2. the most sinister - john became a demon and left with the other demons (probably not since he goes to heaven but chuck is a fan of making exceptions for the winchesters). 3. john was freer than other human souls in hell because he had taken the role of torturer so he had more opportunity to escape. 4. they let john go since they knew dean had made the deal? i'm interested in what other people think!

[bubbl3s-dot-jpg]

My thoughts about TMAGP 7 before reading anyone else's:

Oh my god we got a lot of stuff today

Celia recognizes Chester's voice which could imply a few things: One, Jon is alive in this universe and she met/knew/heard of him. Two, Jonny Sims is playing an entirely different character with whom Celia has met/known/heard. OR three, Celia has previous experience with the fears. All three are equally likely in my opinion, IF it weren't for the next piece of information.

Sam got an email from someone named John. (I checked the spelling on the official transcript and that is how it is spelled). The email was internal. I'm not going to jump to conclusions about this because of how this is spelt and because Jonny is known to reuse names. (See Jared and Gerard, and Michael). However, if I were a writer, I wouldn't mind using common names for smaller characters that may or may not show up again, but would mind severely if a major character shared a name with a minor character. Jury's still out on this for me.

Colin doesn't allow external devices into his workspace. I didn't think about it much in earlier episodes, but I think it is notable that we only hear him occasionally and never from his own devices. Sam brings in external devices, or he's out and about, in a place where devices can hear him. He could be worried that they interfere with his work, but Sam had described him as otherwise paranoid and worrying about interference seems to be something not worth fighting about. This leads me to believe Colin knows something is going on.

The mention of hilltop road is interesting. I'm aware that Hilltop road is a road an therefore could have multiple addresses, but since it was such a significant part of MAG, I think it is worth noting what happened there. To me, it feels like a bunch of avatars, or a cult, similar to that of the Lifeless Flame attempted to bring a bunch of items that could possibly be fear-adjacent (like Leitner books) into a place of power. That's pure speculation, however.

Lena has attempted to murder at least two different people, and they both suggest "disappearing again". I have no idea what this could mean, but it feels relevant to me. I'm keeping this in mind for future refrence.

Lena makes mention of "real work" which leads me to wonder what everyone is doing there. People have speculated that the OIAR is feeding the eye in the same way the Magnus Institute was and I think I agree with that. However, Magnus' goal with the institute was to start the eyepocalypse. Is this what Lena is doing? If so, how? Is she doing it the same way Magnus was, by taking a already fear-touched person and using them as their avatar? If that's the case, what is the point of the files that they are reading?

Gwen's family is rich. I don't know if it was mentioned in MAG that the Bouchards had money, but I think it's more relevant here. It also explains her entitlement and the fact that she watched two attempted (and one successful?) murders and decided that this was the line of employment she wanted to continue. I'm biased because I have a history with the name, but we're only seven episodes in and I already don't like her.

Last and very least, Alice thinks Norris's voice (possibly aka Martin's voice) is whiny.

This was a way longer post than I meant to write, but I'm interested in seeing where the fan discussion goes. This was such a plot-heavy episode that I'm still taking time to digest it. I'm also really interested in seeing how my theories and thoughts evolve.

[sofreddie]

The Parts You Hide 3

Summary: Dean continues to struggle after Sam's rejection, and his friends and family notice the change.

Characters: Bisexual!Sam x Closeted!Bisexual!Dean, Benny, Castiel, Mary, John, Others

Warnings: Wincest (Not Related), M/M, Angst, Drinking, Intervention

WC: 918

A/N: I had a couple of requests to continue this series, and inspiration finally struck. I expect about 8 parts in total. Feedback is appreciated! : )

The Parts You Hide Masterlist

My Masterlist

Part 2

After Sam's rejection, Dean spent several weeks wandering around, feeling lost and disoriented. His day-to-day activities seemed monotonous, everything tinged in grey, lacking in the liveliness it once held in Sam's presence. He was angry with himself for making Sam so mad and hurt and angry at Sam for pushing him away.

Unbeknownst to Dean, his friends, family, and coworkers all noticed the change in him, his personality changes, and his constant moodiness. He didn't smile, laugh, joke around, or join for dinners or drinks after work. It wasn't until one of his friends and coworkers, Benny—who, in his defense, had been on leave and wasn't aware there were changes in Dean's life—that he tried to talk with Dean and was met with unanticipated animosity.

"Hey, Dean-o," Benny said with a broad grin, ready to catch up with one of his best friends. "How've you been?"

Dean shrugged, barely casting Benny a glance before returning to his work. "Fine."

"You sure, Chief?"

Dean rolled his eyes and suppressed the growl. He hadn't wanted to talk to anyone in a while.

"Hey," Benny leaned in closer and spoke in hushed tones. "Is it something with Sam?" Dean stood straight and stared directly into Benny's eyes at the comment, clenching his jaw. "It's just that I heard some of the guys saying something about you two not being on talking terms? Did you have a fight?"

When Dean didn't respond, Benny continued, "Hey, man, I'm sure it's nothing. Friends fight sometimes."

"Benny," Dean spoke low and careful. "I get you haven't been around, but you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. So just shut it, okay?"

While Benny wanted to pry further, the look and tone Dean gave told him it wasn't wise. With a curt nod, Benny backed off. Dean cursed himself for snapping at his friend, but this whole Sam mess was getting to him, and just mentioning his name had him ready to hit something. He decided to focus on his work. He could get drunk until he forgot when he got home and repeat the vicious cycle as many times as necessary until he didn't feel like this anymore.

-

Maybe it was Benny's return and the constant conversation about it, the workload, or even his overloaded mind, but the day had felt exceptionally long. When he pulled into his driveway and shut off his Impala, he was ready to down a few shots and head straight to bed. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go through this.

Why couldn't Sam just accept what they had? 

Why did he have to go and fuck it all up by wanting more?

Dean knew he was an ass because he wanted that, too. He just couldn't get over the stigma he had in his mind over it. It's not like he cared if other people were in same-sex relationships, so why did he care so much about what people thought about him being in one?

As he closed the front door behind himself, he let out a long breath before turning to see his living room full of people, all seated around the room, eyes on him as he entered. He had to stop and think - it wasn't his birthday or anything. Did someone die?

The most influential people in his life were all in this room, except for Sam. The thought made his heart sink, but he stiffened his posture as his mother rose from the couch and slowly approached him.

"Dean, honey," she said as she rung her hands. "We're all here because we care about you and are worried about you."

"I'm sorry," Dean chuckled, "Worried about me?"

"You haven't been yourself lately. You've been snapping at people and canceling on plans."

"Mom, I'm fine. I just haven't been in the mood."

"You're not fine. Is it drugs? You've been drinking more. We're just trying to help you."

Looking around the room, Dean could see the varied looks of concern and anger. He dropped his head and laughed humorlessly as he realized what was happening.

"An intervention? Really?"

"I don't think it's drugs," someone spoke, and Dean looked past Mary to see his closest friend -other than Sam- Castiel. "I think it has to do with Sam."

Castiel approached Dean, and Mary went back to her seat. "If not with Sam, then why isn't Sam here? You two are always together. So why isn't he here, Dean?"

"Cas, don't," Dean spoke through gritted teeth.

"Dean," Cas lowered his voice. "Were you in a relationship with Sam?"

Before he could respond, his father spoke up beside Mary on the couch. "How could you suggest such a thing?" he angrily asked. "It was that Lisa girl, wasn't it? That's why you've been drinking like a fish."

John's feelings about homosexuality are one of the biggest reasons why Dean always felt wrong and felt like he couldn't give Sam what he wanted. His reaction to Cas' suggestion made his stomach sink and only further confirmed to him that he had to get over this.

"I'm not doing this," Dean announced, turning for the door.

Castiel rushed around Dean, blocking the door and raising his hands to stop Dean from leaving, but he wasn't having it. With a swift right hook, Castiel was out of his way and on the ground, holding his face. Without looking back, Dean fled the so-called intervention. They could have the damn house. He'd sleep in his Baby just fine.

PART 4

FOREVERS:

@lyarr24

@hobby27

@kazsrm67

@maliburenee

@440mxs-wife

@writercole

@spnbaby-67

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

@leigh70

@laycblack

DEAN WINCHESTER:

@slamminmine

@deandreamernp

@awkward-and-indecisive

@akshi8278

@mimaria420

SAM WINCHESTER:

@b3autyfuldisast3r

[zmediaoutlet]

🍄 and 🏜️ and maybe 🐚? (wth is that even... a conch?)

(i think it is a conch but honestly it could be a megaphone. why are the emojis so SMALL)

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Dean would be unlikely to do it, but I think he has the patience to be a baker, and Sam does not. Sam would get offended by the way that yeast can react differently every time and be like IT SAID TO RISE FOR AN HOUR AND IT'S BEEN AN HOUR, WHY DIDN'T IT WORK. Sam is very patient and precise but he doesn't have the particular kind of obsessive energy that's required; in contrast Dean -- if he gets suckered into something -- treats it with wackjob fandomite energy. I heard someone else described recently as "she's either never heard of it, or she was at the convention," and that's how Dean is about like. All things, lol. So I can see him getting super into his sourdough starter and rolling with mistakes and learning how to form dece rolls and getting all invested in making the Perfect Loaf. And then watching Sam bite into a slice slathered with butter and making that Sam Eating Dean's Cooking face, and feeling all smug and delighted. He's a homemaker at heart. :)

🏜️ ⇢ what’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Literally anything substantive. Honestly, that's it. I know that the people who leave like emoji hearts or whatever mean well, but my actual heart sinks every time I open an AO3 email and that's all it is. And whoever invented that 'you have already left kudos here ;)' meme can stub their toe once a week for a year, honestly. I know that makes me sound ungrateful and I truly appreciate that anyone would even take the time to open up the comment box at ALL, given how rare the behavior is, but... We do this because we want connection, sending creative work one way and hoping there will be some kind of reaction coming back the other, and when it's been hours and weeks and sometimes years of sweaty effort on this side, being met with "❤️" in return is just. Miserable, lol. (I guess it's less miserable than nothing at all.) But any time -- ANY time -- a reader mentions something specific they liked, or asks a question, or proves that they thought about the piece for longer than a second, it is a jolt of loving adrenaline straight to the withered heart and it makes it all worth.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

I like them! I guess it depends, haha. e.g. "hey we're all going to dinner, do you want to come? it's in an hour!" is the kind of surprise that makes me want to die. I'm very John Mulaney about plans. But given this is a creation-fandom-etc set of asks I'm trying to think about fandom-related surprises... A surprise gift? Always good. A surprise mention? Always a shock! A surprise sequel to a complete work? ...Could go either way, lol.

[the-firebird69]

Former Fishermen’s Village owner charged by feds for stock fraud

He says I want to add to your misery Trump and he told me to remember my dad had a Saturn and it was black and I started getting sick again yeah I read that one usually ignore him and for Christ's sake this stuff is really pungent Pew this this is terrible.

Trump

I think I'm going to be sick I have to verify it and I have a little bit and they say they can't find those people I have to tell you something I'm going to be sick

Mac

So he's wanting me to tell people what exactly is happening with this revelation and it is also about the above this guy is John remillard and he was trying to get people invest in this new company where you provide workers for businesses and it's really a couple years old and people have not been really investing in much and it says that we work it implies trumps to and for you to give their money and give them your money and stuff really what they do is they just use the money and the businesses and it's defined and they're getting brought to court in that the owner of the thing is the same guy who used to own but he still owns fisherman's village and he's in default so those two things in this article and they do mishmash it it doesn't make any sense he is in default of a loan on fisherman's village and he is under charges which carry 40 years for stock market fraud because the business is pretty much defunct for wework and it also means that he is no longer doing work and he's no longer building things or manufacturing things and it's not working for the max anymore no it means that he's not doing any work for the public and being a default on a loan on fisherman's village and it was to purchase the place and he bought it with part cash so it doesn't feel he has to pay for it and they're going after him for ownership and it's going to lose it this week and he will be fired and no longer will be going to work as Sam and we're talking about this week so he's going to try and move out himself and the analogy to us is gross is bad and you really shouldn't do it but there's and tons of people say it too they might have the ghost fleet he might be the emperor and it's why Star wars happens and why his grandpa becomes the emperor cuz he doesn't look it and we're in a lot of trouble. And the empire may have done it on purpose and install him as our emperor and starting to get really weird. It says it could be worse I could work for that company that OJ Simpson did in the airport Hertz rent a car. Inside the look around and said I don't think they're doing anything here but vomiting and inside of hearing about the castles and inside the s*** their pants smell their vomiting they're sitting their pants while they're vomiting.....

It's a huge deal here what's going on and this analogy is waking everybody up to Trump being pushed around by the max but he becomes a monster and they can see it

Thor Freya

We going to get the hell out of here I should watch my murderous ways

Terry c

Haha it says yeah revel in it, I mean for Christ's sake this is so bad you jerk Terry, and his starts tried to kill the guy all the time so he really gets killed cuz of that. I got to get the hell out of here this place is a mental nut farm he told me too it's a mental patient facility like the whole place it's like one of those grand experiences you see on TV this whole area is a mental hospital

Trump

Got enough of this crap that's ridiculous I'm getting grossed out but guys are saying it's true they're asking some Max I can't stand this anymore

Mac

Olympus and permission to print his granted

We going to stop these people this Max

Hera

[xtinyslip]

"why do i get the feeling we're not still talking about matching anything here?" she tilted her head, examining his expression ; of course, naturally looking for a lie or something that would tell her he wasn't telling the truth. with john, she'd never seen that in him, not once and she didn't see it now. "but now we're back on the topic i say if we're that serious we go for matching both." not hiding her smile now. "okay, yeah, that's the kind of creepy shit you don't want to mess with. if something's telling you to hold onto it then maybe you should? AT LEAST until you figure out the reason?" and then, he could do whatever he wanted with it. "sleep in general sounds good to me." when she felt his hand rest against her cheek, she didn't push away, she didn't pull away like she had the tendency to do with everyone else. instead she pressed her cheek into the side of his hand, telling him it was okay. her hand slowly moving to cup the side of his neck, moving herself closer to him if anything. honestly, it was probably a bad idea with what she had going on right now but she couldn't bring herself to care either. no this felt good, it felt right. "then, i wont take you sharing it with me for granted." grinning in return, realising that her face felt strange to show that kind of emotion. she hadn't had much reason to smile lately either. "and just so you know, i don't agree to sleep in just anyone's bed." she teased, not that she did, in fact, she didn't really let herself get this close to anyone usually. sam didn't interrupt as he told her more about what was going on with him, she let him speak and she actually listened to what he was saying. "i don't know her but she sounds pretty amazing. she'll get through this, i know it and you'd be surprised… you said you screwed up but at least you're owning your shit and not making it anyone else's fault. i can't speak for your friend but i know for me that goes along way. she must just need some time to figure out her own shit first?" she wasn't going to give him that boring old story of everything would be okay but... she did think there was some hope there. she wanted to share that with him. when he kissed the palm of her hand like that, she hadn't been expecting her stomach to flutter like it had done. she needed to get a grip of herself but maybe… maybe this was actually nice. figuring what the hell, she leaned across and pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting her face linger too close to his for longer than she intended, before she pulled back. "actually, yeah… exactly that. it's like every time i even consider letting someone in, that on its own is enough to hurt them and i…" she didn't think she could but she was here right now, this close to him and she knew she wanted too. this was further than she had gotten with anyone since new york. maybe this was further than then too. "i want to try." but who was she kidding? "that's the first lie i've ever told you… the truth is, i don't have to try... i've already let you in." and that was… scary but maybe it could be good too. sam took a swig and held up the bottle in cheers, before handing it to him so he could do the same. "to us." @fcrafcrtnight

"MAYBE I DON'T MIND A SERIOUS COMMITMENT, AS LONG AS IT'S WITH SOMEONE THAT I TRUST? BUT.. BADGES ARE COOL TOO?" was that bold? maybe so, but right now, john couldn't bring himself to care less. he didn't see anyone else in here, did he? no, he just saw her and she was the only one that had given a damn and had decided to stop by to check on him. that MEANT something. "i don't know. something keeps telling me to hold on to it and i'm not even kidding but the second that i thought of calling a real estate agent? MY PHONE BROKE. I MEAN.. ACTUALLY BROKE. TALK ABOUT CREEPY?" maybe he was meant to have that place for a reason and he hadn't seen it before but being here and talking to sam and letting her get to know him? it was changing things around for HIM and that MEANT something. didn't it? HE THOUGHT SO. "oh, with a lot of difficulty. i can't wait to sleep in a bed again," turning to her, as he froze, letting his hand stop right against her cheek. did he realise just how close they were right now? maybe he did not and.. yet, right now, he didn't care. around her? he almost didn't feel as horrible as he had before. "JUST SO YOU KNOW, AS MESSY AS IT MAY BE RIGHT NOW, MY BED'S MY SPECIAL PLACE. I WOULDN'T SHARE IT WITH JUST ABOUT ANYONE?" mostly joking? yes, but also no and right now, he was finding himself grinning in a way that he thought that he would never smile again. was it the first time where he had almost forgotten what had happened? maybe. "she was my best friend in the world. she.. got me, when no one else did. and i know-- i hope she'll make it through this, but.. i doubt she'll ever want to do anything except slam the door in my face again." nodding a little bit and he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her palm in a tender gesture that he hadn't even been sure he was capable of anymore. "and every time we do, it seems like.. they're just going to get hurt because of us. right? but i'd be okay with that. i don't mind letting you in." just a little bit or all the way in - it felt as if she was the only one that gave a damn about him these days. he didn't move, letting his forehead rest against hers for a second there again, eyes closed. "SHALL WE TOAST? to us?" @xtinyslip

[sapphosvioletts]

TFATWS Rewrite - Police Station

Bucky Barnes x Autistic Teen Daughter

Summary:

Rewrite of the police station scene from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, episode 2 The Star Spangled Man. Where Bucky's daughter is already overwhelmed, and John Walker steps out of line.

Word count: 2,290

Warnings: Description of sensory overload, description of shutdown, unwanted advances, and John Walker in general.

All credit goes to the Falcon and the Winter Soldier and Marvel, I did not create the lines and scenes that I am using or adding on to.

Note: Not every autistic person experiences autism the same. I'm autistic and I am writing from my perspective of how I personally experience autism, but not everyone feels the same as me or has the same perspective as I do.

i ended up changing the ending a bit, but i hope you still like it! the plot and everything is all the same, i just changed the very ending where bucky and sam talk about breaking out zemo.

.oOo.

My leg shakes as I anxiously sit in my seat, one leg bent on the chair pulled to my chest and the other one down. Sam looks over at me and gives me a soft smile, trying to reassure me the best he can.

Once Sam called me saying Bucky had been arrested, I immediately requested to go with him to the station. I didn't have time to think about how loud and stuffy it would be, all I cared about was my dad.

All of the noise alone is enough to overwhelm me, but with my anxiety over my dad and just everything going on at the station, it's a lot to say the least. But I just need to see my dad and then it'll be okay, we can get out of here and some place quiet. He always knows just how to calm me down.

I jump when I hear a voice, "Sam" I snap my head up. I try not to physically show how overwhelmed I am, but it's getting more and more difficult not to wince at every noise and keep myself from just covering my ears with my hands.

"I've heard a lot about you, I'm Dr. Raynor, I'm James therapist." The same voice says and Sam gets up out of his seat. "So nice to meet you. Thank you for getting him out." Sam says while shaking her hand.

Dr. Raynor peers over Sam's shoulder and spots me. She gives me a soft smile and a nod. I've met her before, she's always really nice to me. I can tell she feels sympathetic for me, probably knowing how much I can't stand environments like this.

"That was not me." She replies. I jump again at a new voice, yelling way too loud from a distance. "Christina," I look back and see Walker. I grimace and avert my gaze down, not wanting anything to do with him.

"It's great to see you again." Walker says while greeting fans of his by the entrance. I bring my other leg up and hug them both to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. It's taking everything in me not to let the tears that have been stinging my eyes finally fall, or to scratch at my skin from the uncomfortable crawling that happens when I become overwhelmed.

Sam and Christina converse quietly but I don't pick up on what they say. "I heard you were working with Bucky, so I thought I'd step in. Bucky's not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer." Walker says while making his way up. He looks down at me and puts his hand up to greet me. I can only gulp nervously and bring my gaze back down.

I hear a buzzing noise from the distance and I curl further in on myself. When I finally look up, I see my dad being walked out by two officers. I immediately shoot up out of my seat and run over to him. He pulls me into him and holds me tightly.

He can feel my trembling body and the way my body flinches slightly from every little noise. He hugs me tightly, knowing that pressure helps to calm me down. "It's okay doll, I'm okay." He soothes softly, rocking us side to side.

We're broken out of our moment by Dr. Raynor, "James, on condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam." I look up at my dad sadly, not wanting to be separated again so soon. "Doc, come on? Can't it wait." Bucky asks, but she's already walking away. "That wasn't a request." She says over her shoulder.

Sam and Bucky both sigh in frustration. "Why don't you go wait outside, it'll be quieter, yeah?" Bucky asks softly. I bite my lip and nod, agreeing. He squeezes me one last time before patting me on the back, silently urging me to go. After a final glance back I leave to go outside.

I sit on the curb just outside of the door. It's on the side of the building so it's not very busy here, except for a couple cop cars parked along the side. People pass by every so often, but it's significantly less crowded than inside the station.

I stuff my face in my knees and start rocking back and forth, focusing on just doing the breathing exercises that my dad taught me. My fingers find my legs and start scratching, leaving bright red marks behind. I can't help it anymore, even though I know it's a potentially dangerous stim, it's almost painful trying not to do it.

Thankfully it didn't take too long for my breathing to become more steady, feeling much more calm in the new environment. For a while I stay rocking back and forth, my head in my knees while clawing are my legs, I don't even know how long.

Eventually though, the last person I want to see comes up to me. He leans against the hood of one of the cop cars casually. I look up at him and slowly scoot further away from him. He notices and speaks up about it.

"Oh come on, don't be like that. I know your dad and I don't really get along, but that doesn't mean you have to hate me too." At his presence and words my throat starts to close up and it feels like something is blocking it, that's the only way I can explain the feeling. I know that right now I'm nonverbal, but Walker isn't going to respect that.

I only keep my gaze down and fidget with the ends of my sleeves, hoping that maybe he'll go away. "Silent treatment huh, alright then you're going to be more difficult then I was expecting." He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at me.

Not being able to handle the silent tension and irritability exuding from Walker like waves any longer, I stand up with tearful eyes and try to open the door to go back inside. Once the door is partially open, it is slammed back shut. I look over to see Walker behind me, his hand on the door, not letting me open it.

I start panicking even more and instinctively I turn to run away, but I'm instead met with resistance, the wind almost getting knocked out of me as my stomach is hit by something. I look down and see Walker's arm, wrapped around my stomach to keep me from running away.

I try to fight him off, but with the drastic height difference, he easily holds his ground. It's hard to see through the tears in my eyes, all I can do is try to wriggle out of his hold. "Look kid, just tell me what you know about the Flag Smashers." He grumbles.

"Walker!" I hear a familiar voice bark out. Walker hastily drops me and I crumble down to the ground. He turns around and puts on a smile. "Gentleman, good to see you again." He says to Sam and Bucky, who have just walked out of the station. Walker steps in front of me, almost like he's trying to hide me.

Bucky storms over to him and pushes him out of the way, immediately coming over to me. Now that the panic and adrenaline is starting to wear off, I feel my mind become more fuzzy, numb even. Bucky kneels down next to me and pulls me into his chest.

He soothes me while I sob into his shirt, neither of us caring that it's getting soaked with my tears. "I'm here, it's okay" Bucky kept repeating softly into my ear, trying to reassure himself of that as well.

Walker starts to come back towards us, Lemar also now joining in. I'm not sure where he came from, but I'm assuming he probably just arrived. When Walker gets close to Bucky and I, my dad punches him in the stomach with his metal arm, sending Walker backwards. Lemar catches Walker as he falls back from the impact.

Walker and Lemar take a minute or two, Walker recovering from the hit as they talk in hushed voices. In the mean time, my tears had stopped. But not only my tears, it feels as if my brain has stopped as well, well not literally, but everything just feels foggy and... slow.

I should have known that a shutdown was coming, given everything else that has happened in such a short period of time. I find myself leaning against Bucky's chest, staring at nothing, my eyes glossed over.

"Look, if we divide ourselves, we don't stand a chance, you guys know that." Walker finally speaks back up, seemingly fine after the hit he took. Bucky opened his mouth to say something, his creased eyebrows and glare indicating that it wasn't going to be something nice.

Sam stopped him with an annoyed sigh at Walker, "So, what do you got." Bucky bit his tongue for now, trying to contain himself. He looked back down at me sighed sadly when he saw my state. He's seen many shutdowns before, having been there to help me through them, and from the signs he can see he knows it's a shutdown.

"Hey doll, can I pick you up? Just nod yes or no." After taking a second or two to comprehend his words, I nod yes. I lazily drape my arms over his shoulders and he easily picks me up and puts me on his hip, my legs wrapped around his waist.

Once he's fully stood up holding me, he chimes in at hearing Walker talk about Karli stealing medicine to take to camps, "Well there are hundreds of those all over the planet since The Blip, so I guess you'll have to look real hard." He doesn't care to hide his resentment and anger in his voice.

"Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?" Walker jokes, causing Bucky to huff angrily, not believing he could hurt his daughter like this and still be joking around. I listen in on the conversation unfolding around me, not fully comprehending what is being said but still keeping up nevertheless.

"Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?" Bucky asks, raising his voice slightly. "No, we don't know, Bucky." Walker snaps. I flinch at his voice and whimper, my hearing still overly sensitive, and loud noises always scare me in general. Bucky holds me tighter and his hand protectively rests on the back of my head, which is tucked into his neck.

"It's only a matter of time before we find out." Walker lowers his voice, but I know he probably only did so because of Bucky's hard glare, not out of any actual consideration for me. "Things are really intense for you, aren't they Walker?" Bucky sneers, unbelievably angry at the man in front of him.

He wants nothing more than to just leave, feeling terrible at keeping me in this situation any longer than I have to be. But unfortunately him and Sam need to talk to Walker, and Bucky doesn't trust Sam to come to a conclusion with him on his own. "Take it easy, look Walker's right." Sam says.

Bucky snaps his head towards him and starts backing away with a look of disappointment given to Sam, but Sam stops him with a glance. I open my eyes and slowly pull my face out of Bucky's neck, not believing Sam. "But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorizations you have to get. We're free agents, we're more flexible. So it wouldn't make sense for us to work with you."

Sam catches up with Bucky, who did hear Sam deny to work with them despite walking away. Bucky rubs circles on my back and softly urges me to lay my head back down and relax. "I'm sorry you had to be stuck in that situation for so long, it's unfair to you. Why don't we go back home and watch-" Bucky's soft voice is cut off by a louder one in the distance.

"A word of advice then, stay the hell out of my way." Bucky shoots a glare back at Walker but doesn't stop, Sam stops in tracked however to stare at Walker angrily. Once we arrive to Sams car, Bucky opens the back door and gets in, me still on his lap. Despite being slightly crammed in the backseat, he still chose to sit here, both of us needing each other at the moment.

Shortly after, Sam got in the drivers seat and started the car, all of us remaining silent. There's obvious tension between Bucky and Sam, they both know that there's still more for them to talk about, but they also both know it's a conversation that could turn heated really quickly, so it's best to not have it right now.

I end up drifting off in Bucky's arms, the exhaustion from my shutdown hitting me hard. Bucky relaxes once he sees my sleeping state, feeling better at knowing that I'm at least relaxed at the moment. He leans his head back against the headrest of the car seat and stares at the ceiling of the car, just thinking about everything that had happened, and also some things he would certainly like to do to Walker.

But those things can wait. Right now he's only concerned for his daughter. He can't imagine why, or how anyone could ever hurt her, and it breaks his heart. But he knows that right now all he can do is just be there for her, so that's exactly what he'll do.

[coffeebeans18]

She Can Stay

Finally wrote something that's not porn.

Summary: When you show up to the Winchester palace in jeans and a sweat shirt, John decides that you're not a good fit for his son.

Pairings: Sam x Y/n

Warnings: John Winchester.

I'm on my way to Sam's place. I still feel kinda weird about wearing jeans and a sweat shirt, but Sam said to dress in whatever made me comfortable. He knows I don't do dresses and shit like that. So I think he's got a pretty good idea of what I'm wearing. My only real worry is John, Sam's father. He's got this weird image in his mind that all women in the kingdom are supposed to "act like women". Whatever the hell that means. I know that means he's not gonna be pleased to see me. He never is. I've heard him telling Sam that I'm not good for him. But Sam's told me not to worry about his dad. He likes me just the way I am and that's all that matters. Once at the palace, I see Dean, Sam's brother, outside working on his car. We've met a few times and he seems nice.

"Hey, Y/n. You here to see Sam?"

"Hey. Yeah. Is he here?"

"Yeah, but my dad's here, too. You sure you wanna go inside?"

"I think I can handle your dad."

"I can't even handle my dad. If he gives you any trouble, I'll be here."

"Thanks, Dean."

I nods and I walk to the gate. Before I can even open it, John's yelling about how bad I am for his son.

"Look, I'm only here to see Sam. I'm not here to argue with y-"

"You're not gonna be here much longer if I have any say in the matter! Why'd you even come here dressed like that?! You look like a guy!"

"And you look like a sexist, entitled son of a bitch! I'm not here to argue with you, John! I'm here to see my boyfriend!"

"Women like you aren't to be seen with my son!"

"Women like me?! What the hell's that even supposed to mean?!"

"Dad, what the hell are you doing?" Sam calls as he walks over to the gate.

"Son, you're not bringing this women in my castle."

"And why not? Did she do something wrong?"

"Look at her! Look at what she's wearing!"

"So? She's comfortable."

"Women don't need to be comfortable! They only need to serve-"

"Dad!" A voice yells from behind me.

I turn around and see Dean.

"Dean, I'm not in the mood to argue right now."

"You don't wanna argue with me, but you wanna argue with an innocent girl who just wants to visit her boyfriend? You wanna say rude and sexist things to her, just because you don't like what she's wearing? But you're not the mood to argue with me?"

"Look-"

"No you look. As your oldest son, I'm next in line for the castle. That means that when you're gone or if you leave for whatever reason, the castle will belong to me. And I don't appreciate you trying to throw out my future sister in law."

Sister in law? I like the sound of that.

"So either she stays or we're all going."

I knew that he and John didn't get along, but I didn't know it was like this. They'd really leave their castle behind for me? I've only known them for a year and a half. And they'd leave their home for me?

"Fine. She can stay." He says with a huff.

He storms passed me and Dean, then gets in his ugly ass truck and drives away. I turn to face Sam and Dean, who look happy to see their dad leave.

"He's not coming back, is he?" I ask while looking up at Sam.

"I guess we'll find out." Sam says to me.

"But if he doesn't, that's ok. We can have the castle to ourselves and we won't have to worry about him."

It's nice to know that Dean would let me stay in his castle, rather than John. I guess with John gone, it's Dean's castle know. I guess that makes him the king now.

"Y/n." Sam calls to me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hm?"

"You ok? I know you don't like yelling and we were all-"

"I'm ok. Just a little shocked. That's all."

"You two should go inside. Have some privacy."

"But first"

He steps closer to me and takes a small box out of his pocket.

"Since Dean dropped the "future sister in law" thing. I guess it's time."

"What? Time for what?"

He gets down on one knee and looks up at me.

"Sam?"

"Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n, will you do me the honor of making me the luckiest man alive. Be my bride and become Y/n Y/m/n Winchester. Will you marry me, Y/n?"

He opens the small box to reveal a ring. Holy shit. Sam Winchester just asked me to marry him. And I'm just standing here like an idiot.

"Are you sure? I mean, me? You wanna marry me? Even after seeing all the weird shit I do? I'm weird and I say weird things and I don't even dress like a woman."

"That's why I wanna marry you, sweetheart. You're smart and you're funny and you're absolutely beautiful. And you dress in jeans and sweaters rather than dresses and heals. Not many women in this kingdom do that. You're not like everybody else, Y/n. And that's what I love about you. You're one of a kind and I want you to be mine."

Not many men are willing to look my way, but Sam, he wants to marry me? He wants to spend the rest of his life with me? Me? ME? I might be dumb, but I'm not dumb enough to pass up such an amazing opportunity. I have the chance to spend the rest of my life with this man. And I'm taking that chance.

"Yes. I'll marry you, Sam."

He slips the ring on my finger and I look at it for a few seconds before wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugs me back and I think I can see Dean starting to tear up. I might've had to face John Winchester, but it was worth it in the end. Now I'm gonna marry the love of my life.

[mittensmorgul]

hello!

note-taking anon here! life was busy (in a mostly good way) so spn watching was not happening. However. I have now watched 15x07 and 15x08.

Last Call was a lot of fun. It's really neat to explore dean through other characters, but especially someone like lee. The implications. It's so interesting to see another side of the coin. A what if.

It's also so fun to bring a character from before canon. Lee knows nothing of the only dean we know. But yet he still knows him. And it's also a testament to see how dean's grown. The conversation about john aches brilliantly.

Christian kane is always a lot of fun and he's great here. The lighting is obviously excellent, as are the metaphors and parallels. A really great episode on deans side.

Im also so partial to all the eileen scenes. She's such a great character. Full of charisma and charm, while also being very distinct. Her and sam are a lot of fun.

The shots in this ep are also really nice. Lots of creative camera work and editing. There's character to it.

15x08 really feels like a buckleming ep at times. One of their strengths is exploring characters that arent sam and dean. So writing for adam/michael actually worked really well. I think it was clever to bring them back, and not in the typical 'over the top' clever that buckleming can often go for. Jabel is fantastic. All the right beats. The anger. The relief. The comedy. The shifts between michael and adam. Really good.

It was nice to see cas get to be clever again. The show sometimes forgets he's smart. I also thought the moments between dean and adam were well done. I wish we had more of sam and adam, but alas.

I enjoyed seeing more of sam and eileen's relationship and communication. I like that eileen's not afraid to be like dude. Too much. And sam respects that and is trying. Plus, dean's reaction to sam being happy. It's very sweet. Honestly, one of my favourite moments in the show probably ever. We don't see enough of the boys being actual siblings.

The directing in this, from speight, is also fantastic. Theres so many shots where the tension and chasm between dean and cas is so evident. It hurts to watch. In a good way. It screams wrong which is what it's supposed to.

The only thing i dont get is the portal shenanigans at the very end. Michael could've waited for them to gather things and prep before opening it. Now, maybe he's overwhelmed with emotions sure. But dude you kinda need them to succeed. And of course, i question why only 12 hours open. But we're never getting a reason, it just simply is 😂

Ultimately, some really good episodes leading into one that i know is excellent.

I hope you are well!

hi hi! It's so good to hear from you again! And yeah, you're about to tip over into the end run, so much angst!

And yeah, the portal opening, with a time limit, is... for tension purposes lol :'D

I wish I had more time to reply more thoroughly, but I didn't want to leave this sitting in my inbox any longer and forget to post it at all, but let's just say I'm vibrating with excitement for you to get to the next episode :D

[stargatelov3r]

Hello, different anon here. I love reading your ship thoughts! If you feel like it, maybe you could expand on your feelings about Sparky?

And what are your thoughts on John/Rodney? Maybe you've talked about them before, but I can't remember, sorry!

<3

hi different anon! thank you so much for this ask!

this might be a bit longer again but hey, that's why we're on tumblr right?

I'm gonna try to explain where I'm coming from, so let's start at the beginning. When I first watched SGA it was right after I finished SG-1. I think I was something between 12-14 y/o. On SG-1 I was (and still am) a huge Sam/Jack shipper.

I think when I started to fall in love with Stargate and tv shows in general I didn't really think much about it in terms of subtext, I mainly took what was on screen, and in SG-1 that was definitely Sam/Jack, so I took it and I ran with it.

Atlantis came along, with a strong female leader who I fell in love with instantly, and this kinda rogue, always messy haired military guy who the strong leader had to keep in check. Can you tell I have a thing for power dynamics?

I thought, still think, they had great chemistry, I think that much can't be denied. They do have chemistry, on whatever level you see it. I saw Elizabeth worrying about John and his team whenever they were in danger, I saw him SCREAMING at Kolya when he thought he had killed Elizabeth, I saw Elizabeth hugging John The Siege IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GATEROOM, I saw her having the hardest time in Conversion, I saw her protecting him from the rest of the military, I saw him breaking when she told him to leave her behind so he could save himself and his team. I saw him being the person to get her out of the nightmare in The Real World. He was the one who was able to convince her to come home, to fight.

wow, this brings up a lot of old feeling again that I didn't think I had anymore. I really am a multy shipper aren't I?

They have so many moments in which they show how deeply they care about each other, how deeply they respect each other, even if John sometimes MAJORLY fucks up and undermines her. She knows his potential, she knows him probably better than any other former superior of his. She knows his struggle with authority and she approaches him differently, and I think it's working.

Here I was, thinking I had moved on from this ship, thinking that I just shipped them because I just want Elizabeth to be happy, and that I ship her with so many people as long as they make her happy and feel safe and show her that it's okay to have feelings and let people in. But after writing all this out I noticed that I wasn't just coming out of no where.

I still think they have an amazing connection, which, imo, is rooted in their fundamental respect for each other, but nowadays I see it as not necessarily romantic, but also as platonic.

I think Elizabeth would benefit from John's presence (if we got to see them all more in their free time), I think he would tenderly force her to take time off, to have fun, to go get a drink with a team, to forget work for a bit, to accept human connections, friendship, love. He might not say it but he cares. But he does. He cares so fucking much. not just about Elizabeth, about his whole team.

Hell, these stupid emotionally constipated people are making me emotional again...

okay, let's get to McShep!

I see myself as kind of a soft McShepper, a McShepper by osmosis (not to say by force). Having been a Sparky shipper for the better part of my time in this fandom I never really considered this ship for a looong time, and, spending most my time on Instagram (which is lowkey homophobic) for the first few years I didn't really have any contact with them, because nobody posted about them. Believe it or not, but the discussion on there was more like "do you ship Sparky or John/Teyla?" and I was always a strong defender for Sparky.

Enter tumblr. Especially over the last two... no wait... four (?) years i've been spending a considerable amount of time on tumblr, where i have sloooowly moved from being an sg1 stan to "DON'T MAKE ME CHOSE BETWEEN SG1 AND SGA", and, as i started following more Atlantis people I was bound to find more McShep on my dash.

I didn't really mind them, but I also didn't really give it another thought. Then I started shipping Elizabeth with women and suddenly (in my mind) John was free again, so over time i moved from "I see them on my dash" to "ok maybe people have a point" to "i am paying more attention to them in the show" to "yeah okay people definitely have a point".

I don't get as excited over them as I do about Teylabeth for example, but I appreciate the ship and I definitely see it now and it brings me joy to watch them bickering like an old married couple on the show.

I'm curious how my McShep journey will continue :)

[babygirlkiki1016]

Dead in the water

Me and Dean sat on the edge of the bed like two teenagers in trouble as Sam was pacing the room, trying to think on what he should say. Finally he stops and looks at the both of us with his arms crossed.

"So let me get this straight, you tell her you wanna wait till she's eighteen but then you decide screw it?"

"....Sammy-" Dean begins to say but Sam cuts him off.

"Dean if your gonna be with her then you can't have sex till she's eighteen."

"Your ove- wait...what? So hold on your ok with this?"

"Yeah, I mean it was gonna happen sooner or later. It's hard for you to stay away from a beautiful lady anyways." I blushed at Sam's comment.

"Well that's new." Dean mutters and he grabs a lock of my hair, making me look over at him.

"What?"

"Your hair it's pink and purple."

"So two emotions at once? I'm guessing pink is love....and purple is fear. So your nervous and feeling loved at the same time!" Sam grabs his laptop and begins taking even more notes.

"Aren't you guys afraid if me?....I mean this isn't normal, don't you guys think I'm a monster or something?" I wondered, was I a monster? Is this what happened to me years ago? Is this what dad was talking about, about how he didn't trust John because...something happened to me?

"Well you certainly have powers, but you can't control it besides you don't know what's going on."

"And you haven't killed anyone." Dean adds.

"But why is this happening now? When I was at home none of this was happening....maybe I should call dad..."

"No, we can't risk him finding us, the next time you call him he'll probably be ready....and I don't want you to go..." Dean admits, while scooting closer, I could tell he wanted to kiss me.

"You two get a room! Wait no, don't do that." Sam laughs, "Alright love birds we need to get back to the subject at hand." He starts researching about the case we're working on, Dean was still staring at me. "Dean!" Sam yells, catching his attention. "Day dream later, work now, you need to take Y/n to get a few things."

"Like what?" He asked.

"Tattoo, gun that kind of stuff, if she's gonna be a hunter then she needs to have the supplies."

"W-Wait what tattoo?" I stutter and Dean points to the pentagram on his chest.

"It's so we don't get possessed, don't worry I'll be there with you."

"Ok, and a gun? I mean why not just use the ones we already have in the back of the impala?"

"Cause you need your own, one that you can carry with you at all times." Dean gets up, puts his shirt back on then grabs the keys to baby. "C'mon we'll get you prepared while Sam does his nerdy thing." I chuckle and follow after him, while grabbing his hand to hold it. He didn't even question it, he pulled me in and kissed my lips, making me yearn for more. Sadly the kiss didn't last long, if we stood there any longer Sam probably would've come out. When we got in the car, the whole drive to the tattoo parlor we were jamming out to eye of the tiger. Which I was still humming it while I was sitting in the chair getting the pentagram on my (wherever you decide to put it.)

"That's a pretty good spot." Dean commented, as he sat next to me.

"Thank you." I grinned, he smiled but it slowly faltered over time, making me grab his hand, squeezing it. "You ok?" I asked worriedly.

"...What happened at the motel can't happen again." He didn't even look at me it was like he was ashamed, did he regret what we did?

"Why not?" He didn't answer, I grabbed his chin and made him face me. Sighing he scoots closer as he lowers his voice.

"Your seventeen Y/n...."

"So? We only have (how many months until you birthday.) I'm technically eighteen already."

"One I don't wanna get arrested and two, we met about about three weeks ago. Don't you think we're moving a little to fast?"

"According to Sam you bone a girl on every case, or at least try to, and your saying it's a little to fast?"

"Good point, but....I just want you to be sure this-" He points to himself, as if himself was a problem. "-is what you want."

"....You are what I want, if you weren't I wouldn't have kissed you. Although if you wanna wait....I respect your decision." That made him smile, he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you, now I believe your tattoo is done." I looked down at it, it was sexy as hell. After we payed for it, we went on the road again. When we crossed over the bridge I asked Dean if we could stop to see the lake and look at the sunset. Hesitantly he agreed and pulled over, I got out excitedly. The lake was a dark blue mixed in with pink and orange from the sun, it made me sad to think it was gonna be gone soon.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Not as beautiful as you." Dean flirted making me blush as he pulled me closer by the waist. He started to lean in, those rough lips covering my soft ones.

"I thought we couldn't do this again."

"I meant almost having sex, kisses are something we can definitely do." He smirked and leaned back in again, and as his lips brushed against mine his phone rang. Angrily he sighed and answer it, it was probably Sam.

"What? No we're not!" The look on his face made me giggle as he looked over at me. He started moving his hand, pretending it was Sam who talks to much. "We'll be there in twenty minutes Sam, we still gotta get a gun. Sam, Sammy we're fine....alright we'll be there as soon as we can. Mhm ok bye."

"He's certainly a talker huh?"

"It's a nightmare on how much he can talk...now where were we? Oh yeah I remember." He pulled me back to his side. "Might as well steal as many kisses I can get before we head back to the kiss police." He smirked and smashed his lips against mine once more as his arms wrapped around me. This time it wasn't just a normal kiss, I fought for dominance, my tongue asking for entry. Biting his lip he pulled back, "Y/n keep doing that and I just might say screw it again.." As he said that he slipped from my grasp. "No I promised myself I can wait...c'mon let's get back to Sam." Sighing in disappointment I got back in the car, I guess he's really serious about this.

~~

"I found something." Sam says as we sit next to him. "So there's the three drowning victims this year."

"Any before that?" I wondered.

"Uh, yeah." Sam has a browser window open to The Lake Manitoc Tribune. "DROWNING TAINTS ICE FISHING FESTIVAL." It says, he clicks, and another browser window comes up, again The Tribune: 12-YEAR-OLD Girl DROWNS IN LAKE, Second drowning in 6 months at Lake Manitoc. "Damn, so six more spread out over the past thirty-five years. Those bodies were never recovered either. If there is something out there, it's picking up its pace."

"So, what, we got a lake monster on a binge?" Dean jokes as he grabs a beer, he hands the both of us one.

"Dean no." Sam tries to take it away from me.

"Aww c'mon Sammy one beer won't hurt." Dean winks at me, both of the boys stare at me as I take a sip without any reaction. "See what'd I say? She's fine."

"So this whole lake monster theory." I try getting them back on track. "It, it just bugs me."

"Why?" Sam looks at me in confusion.

"Loch Ness, Lake Champlain, there are literally hundreds of eyewitness accounts, but here, almost nothing." Sam looks at the Tribune homepage once more.

"Whatever it is out there, no one's living to talk about it." Sam states as he scrolls to the comments section of an article, I point to one.

"Wait, Barr, Christopher Barr. Where have I heard that name before?" I remember that name, I thought, it's so familiar. Sam reads from the page.

"Christopher Barr, the victim in May." Sam clicks a link, opening a new page. "LOCAL Man IN TRAGIC ACCIDENT." The picture loads and it shows a police officer with Lucas. "Christopher Barr was Andrea's husband, Lucas's father. Apparently he took Lucas out swimming. Lucas was on a floating wooden platform when Chris drowned. Two hours before the kid got rescued." Sam clicks the picture for a better look, then scratches his head. "Maybe we have an eyewitness after all."

"That kid must be so freaked out. Watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over....." I felt bad, but so far Lucas is our only lead, hopefully he'll help us. We headed to the park planning to talk to Lucas who was our only witness. Kids are laughing and playing as Andrea sits on a bench and watches her kid. Who is at another bench coloring and playing with toy soldiers.

"Can we join you?" Sam asks and Andrea looks up.

"I'm here with my son." She says as I spot Lucas and so does Dean.

"Oh. Mind if we say hi?" Dean asks, and he lightly grabs my arm signaling for me to come with.

"Why are you bringing me with you?"

"Cause of he doesn't talk, then hopefully you can convince him." We approach Lucas, who's drawing a picture.

"How's it going?" Dean kneels down next to the bench where Lucas is coloring, when Lucas doesn't even look up, Dean picks up one of the toy soldiers.

"Oh, I used to love these things." Dean imitates guns and explosions, I chuckle as he tosses the toy soldier down.

"I think crayons is more his thing Dean. That's cool, besides I like to draw myself, including painting." I noticed that he has a pile of drawings on the bench. Dean takes a look, the top one is of a big black swirl, the second one is of a red bicycle.

"Hey, these are pretty good. You mind if we sit and draw with you for a while?" Dean asks, he picks up a crayon. "I'm not so bad myself."

"Oh really?" I ask.

"Yea I'm a pretty good artist."

"Mhm...we'll see." I grab a crayon and a piece of paper, and start drawing. "Can you draw a bird?"

"Oh so this is a competition? Your on."

Dean sits on the bench, picks up a pad of paper, and starts drawing. "You know, I'm thinking you can hear me, you just don't want to talk. I don't know exactly what happened to your dad, but I know it was something real bad. I think I know how you feel. When I was your age, I saw something." Dean says to Lucas. "You don't think anyone will listen to you, or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything. You could draw me a picture about what you saw that day, with your dad, on the lake...hm?" I say, Dean sighs. "Okay, no problem. This is for you." Dean holds out to Lucas the picture he drew, it's stick figures. "This is my family." Dean points at each person in turn. "That's my dad. That's my mom. That's my geek brother, and that's me, then a little birdy in the sky-" Dean stops talking as he sees my drawing, which was a lot more detailed than his.

"I thought you could draw Dean." I giggle.

"All right, so I'm a sucky artist...." Dean waits for any sign from Lucas, hoping he would chime in but nothing. "Well see you around, Lucas." Dean heads back to Sam and Andrea, I smile, he seems really good with kids, I thought.

"Here." I place my drawing next to Lucas. "You can keep it...just know of you need anything, I'm here." Him still not responding, I make my way to the others.

"Lucas hasn't said a word, not even to me. Not since his dad's accident." I hear Andrea say.

"Yeah, we heard. Sorry." Dean says softly.

"What are the Doctors saying?" I ask.

"That it's a kind of post-traumatic stress." She explains.

"That can't be easy. For either of you." Sam intervenes.

"We moved in with my dad. He helps out a lot. It's just...when I think about what Lucas went through, what he saw..."

"Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with." Dean smiles and looks over at me, making me roll my eyes.

"You know, he used to have such life. He was hard to keep up with, to tell you the truth. Now he just sits there. Drawing those pictures, playing with those army men. I just wish-" Andrea goes silent as Lucas walks up, carrying a picture.

"Hey sweetie, you ok?" I kneel and smile, he hands me the picture. "Thank you..." It's a picture of the Carlton house....

~

Me and Dean are inside the motel room, I'm sitting at the table and Dean is sitting on a bed. Sam went to the library to get some books so we were alone.

"Y/n? Here." Dean suddenly speaks, he pats the seat next to him. I slowly walk over and sit next to him.

"You ok?"

"Yeah...About earlier, on the bridge...."

"Dean..."

"It's not that I don't want to I do trust me I do...."

"Don't apologize, it's ok I understand..." He glances over at me, his eyes showed a little bit of lust. We both started to lean, this feels wrong, I thought, but yet so right. We've only known each other for a few weeks, yet I wanted him more as his lips brushed against mine. Our lips connect, making me scoot closer but Dean pulls back again.

"We can't..." Yet he kisses me again muttering over and over one more. I slipped onto his lap, straddling him while pulling closer. Before we could possibly go any farther Sam opens the door and comes in as we quickly seperate.

"So, I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie." He says, unaware of what was going on.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, Sam sits across from me and Dean.

"I just drove past the Carlton house. There was an ambulance there. Will Carlton is dead."

"He drowned?" Dean asks.

"Yep. In the sink."

"What the hell? So you're right, this isn't a creature. We're dealing with something else."

"Yeah, but what?"

"I don't know. Water wraith, maybe? Some kind of demon? I mean, something that controls water...water that comes from the same source."

"The lake, that's the source." I chime in. "Which would explain why it's upping the body count. The lake is draining. It'll be dry in a few months so whatever this thing is, it's running out of time."

"And if it can get through the pipes, it can get to anyone, almost anywhere." Sam says as Dean stands up.

"This is gonna happen again soon. And we do know one other thing for sure. We know this has got something to do with Bill Carlton."

"Yeah, it took both his kids." Dean growls.

"I've been asking around. Lucas's dad, Chris, is Bill Carlton's godson."

"Let's go pay Mr. Carlton a visit."

~

We left to go to the Carlton house a s spotted Bill sitting on the bench on the dock. Sam speaks "Mr. Carlton?" He looks up, wondering who we are

"We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"We're from the, the Department-" Bill cuts Dean off.

"I don't care who you're with. I've answered enough questions today."

"Your son said he saw something in that lake. What about you? You ever see anything out there? Mr. Carlton, Sophie's drowning and Will's death-we think there might be a connection to you or your family." I explain.

"My children are gone. It's...it's worse than dying. Go away. Please." Realizing we weren't gonna get any where we decide to head back to the car.

"What do you guys think?" Sam ask.

"I think the poor guy's been through hell. I also think he's not telling us something." Dean guesses, Sam leans on the Impala.

"So now what?" I ask, Dean goes still "What is it?"

"Huh...." Dean is looking at the Carlton house. "Maybe Bill's not the only one who knows something. Y/n do you have the picture Lucas gave to you?" I nod and pull it out, the picture Lucas brought him, which is of the Carlton house.

~

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea." Andrea says, we decided to give Lucas another visit hoping he'd talk to us.

"We just need to talk to him. Just for a few minutes." I plead.

"He won't say anything. What good's it gonna do?"

"Andrea, we think more people might get hurt. We think something's happening out there." Sam explained.

"My husband, the others, they just drowned. That's all."

"If that's what you really believe, then we'll go. But if you think there's even a possibility that something else could be going on here, please let me talk to your son." Dean looks at her, hoping she'll say yes. Silently she agrees leads us into Lucas room with Sam and Andrea behind us, he's coloring, toy soldiers standing around him. We enter and Dean crouches down by Lucas. "Hey, Lucas. You remember us?" I notice Lucas has drawn two more pictures of a red bicycle. "You know, I, uh, I wanted to thank you for that last drawing. But the thing is, we need your help again." Lucas is drawing a person in water. Dean opens the house picture and puts it down in front of Lucas.

"How did you know to draw this? Did you know something bad was gonna happen? Maybe you could nod yes or no for me." He ignores Dean and keeps coloring. I slowly walk over and sit down in front of him. "You're scared. It's okay. I understand." Dean told him. "See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom...I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom-I know she wants me to be brave. Cause she taught me to be brave. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too...its ok if you don't want to, but I really need your help." Lucas drops his crayon and looks up at Dean then at me. He hands me a picture of a white church, a yellow house, and a boy with a blue baseball cap and red bicycle in front of a wooden fence.

"Thanks, Lucas." I smile, which he returns making me fill with happiness. After we left Andrea's house the three of us are standing infront of the Impala, Sam examining the church picture.

"Andrea said the kid never drew like that till his dad died." Dean speaks.

"There are cases-going through a traumatic experience could make people more sensitive to premonitions, psychic tendencies." Sam groans.

"It's all part of the process." I chime in. "Whatever's out there, what if Lucas is tapping into it somehow?"

"You mean magically?" Dean asked, confused.

"Yeah, I mean he might be connected but he doesn't even know...but what does the church have to do with this?"

"I don't know, but the only problem is there's about a thousand yellow two-stories in this county alone." Sam looks at the picture. "See this church? I bet there's less than a thousand of those around here."

"Oh, college boy thinks he's so smart." Dean comments.

"Well what about the church we passed by when we drove into town?" I wondered  which the boys thought it wouldn't hurt. So we drove to the white church shaped like the one in Lucas's picture. There's a yellow house next to the church and a wooden fence near the house. When we got to the door, I knocked and a woman answered. We told her we were FBI, at first she was hesitant but eventually let's us in.

"Im sorry to mother you ma'am, but does a little boy live here, by chance? He might wear a blue ball cap, has a red bicycle." I ask.

"No Ms, Not for a very long time. Peter's been gone for thirty-five years now." She sighs, and I notice a picture of Peter on the side table. "The police never-I never had any idea what happened. He just disappeared." Sam points out to Dean a number of toy soldiers on a table. Just like the ones at Luca's house, I thought, so I was right. "Losing him-you know, it's...it's worse than dying." She explained, however I felt someone staring at me, it was Dean. When we make eye contact he looks away, cheeks burning.

"Did he disappear from here? I mean, from this house?" Dean asks.

"He was supposed to ride his bike straight home after school, and he never showed up." Sweeny answers, I start to walk around and pick a picture off the mirror. There are two boys in the picture, one Peter with a bicycle. I read the back of the picture, the words made my eyes go wide. "Peter Sweeney and Billy Carlton, nineteen seventy." I mutter, after the visit with Mrs. Sweeny, we decide to go talk to Bill again. "Mr. Carlton?" Sam calls out as we walk up to the house, we hear an engine roar. We run around the house to see Bill going out on the lake in his boat. "Hey, check it out." Dean says, pointimg towards the lake. We start to run to the end of the dock, yelling. "Mr. Carlton! You need to come back! Come out of the water! Turn the boat around!"

He ignores us and keeps going, the boat was to far out, all I could see was the water rising up, making Bill's boat flip over.

~~

After the accident me, Sam, Dean, and Jake walk in the door of the police station. Andrea looks over, "Sam, Y/n, Dean." She stands up, putting the bag and a container on her chair. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"So now you're on a first-name basis." Jake says. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought you dinner."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I don't really have the time."

"I heard about Bill Carlton. Is it true? Is something going on with the lake?"

"Right now we don't know what the truth is. But I think it might be better if you and Lucas went on home." Lucas looks up and whines, looking stricken. He jumps up and grabs my arm, pulling and tugging.

"Lucas, hey, what is it?" I kneel down, it was like he was trying to get a message to me but couldn't form the words. "Lucas?"

"Lucas." Andrea calls.

"Lucas, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, Lucas, it's okay. It's okay." I say and was about to comfort him when Andrea pulls him away from me and leads him outside. He doesn't look away from me however. Jake throws down his jacket and goes into his office. The three of us follow behind. "Okay, just so I'm clear, you see...something attack Bill's boat, sending Bill-who is a very good swimmer, by the way-into the drink, and you never see him again?" Jake summarizes, Dean glances at me.

"Yeah, that about sums it up." Dean mutters.

"And I'm supposed to believe this, even though I've already sonar-swept that entire lake? And what you're describing is impossible? And you're not really Wildlife Service." Dean looks surprised. "That's right, I checked. Department's never heard of you three."

"See, now, we can explain that."

"Enough. Please. The only reason you're breathing free air is one of Bill's neighbors saw him steering out that boat just before you did. So, we have a couple of options here. I can arrest you for impersonating government officials and hold you as material witnesses to Bill Carlton's disappearance. Or, we can chalk this all up to a bad day, you get into your car, you put this town in your rearview mirror, and you don't ever darken my doorstep again."

"Door number two sounds good." Sam says but I was about to protest.

"That's the one I'd pick." After that we left, packed our stuff an left. I was pissed, there is something happening here and we're just gonna leave? The three of us are in the Impala, waiting at a traffic light. A sign says I-43 North to Milwaukee is to the left. The light turns green, but the Impala doesn't move, after a few seconds Dean turns right.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Thats what I'm wondering to. Dean, this job, I think it's over." Sam tells him.

"I'm not so sure." Dean says.

"If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, case closed. The spirit should be at rest."

"All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done? You know, what if we've missed something? What if more people get hurt?"

"Deans gotta point, I don't think this is over either." I agree.

"But why would you think that?" Sam questioned.

"Because Lucas was really scared."

"That's what this is about?" Sam groans.

"I just don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay." Dean agrees.

"Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?" Sam chuckles and Dean glances at Sam.

"Shut up."

~~

We arrived back at the Barr's and stood out there for at least a good five minutes.

"Are you sure about this? It's pretty late." Sam asks us, Dean rings the doorbell. At that moment, Lucas opens the door, desperately afraid.

"Lucas? Lucas!" I yell but he takes off. We follow him to the hallway, water is pouring out from under the bathroom door and down the stairs. Lucas starts pounding on the bathroom door again. Dean pushes him over to Sam and I kick in the door. Lucas grabs Dean and me, so Sam runs into the bathroom and sticks his arms in the tub, trying to pull Andrea out. She is pulled back under, and Sam is struggling, so I run over and help him out. The force is strong but not strong enough, we keep pulling until Andrea is all the way out. As soon as she's out she starts coughing up water, later Andrea is sitting in the living room, dry and wearing comfortable clothing.

"Can you tell me?" Sam asks, who is sitting next to me.

"No." She answers. Dean and I were looking through notebooks on bookshelves, to see if anything that is happening would relate to the situation.

"It doesn't make any sense." She starts crying. "I'm going crazy." She puts her face in her hands.

"No, you're not. Tell me what happened. Everything." Sam pleads.

"I heard...I thought I heard...there was this voice."

"What did it say?"

"It said...it said 'come play with me'. What's happening?" Dean pulls out a scrapbook that says "Jake - 12 years old" and opens it, flipping pages. He closes it again, nudges me and we go over to Sam. He puts the book down in front of Andrea, open to a picture of Explorer Troop 37. "Do you recognize the kids in these pictures?"

"What? Um, no. I mean, except that's my dad right there. He must have been about twelve in these pictures." She moves her finger over to another picture of Jake as a child, he is standing next to Peter. Dean looks at Sam, then me.

"Chris Barr's drowning. The connection wasn't to Bill Carlton. It must have been to the Sheriff."

"Bill and the Sheriff-they were both involved with Peter." I muttered

"What about Chris? My dad-what are you talking about?" She asks, I look over to Lucas. "Lucas?" I call, he is staring out the window.

"Lucas, what is it?" Dean asks, Lucas opens the door and walks outside. We all follow him, he look determined.

"Lucas, honey?" Andrea calls as he stops and looks at the ground, then at Dean. "You and Lucas get back to the house and stay there, okay?" Dean says and Andrea pulls Lucas back to the house. Dean and Sam presumably fetch shovels from the Impala, before they start digging. After five minutes later I hold out my hand.

"Here Sam, I'll take over, why don't you go inside?" He nods and heads inside after handing me the shovel, so now it's just me and Dean. It was silent for a little while, until I spoke. "So, we gonna talk about it?" Dean glances at me.

"About what?"

"...The kiss, that Sam sort of ruined." He laughs.

"Well uh...what is there to talk about?" He stops, making me stop as I walk over to him, lightly placing my hand on his. "Dean I...Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why kiss me? I mean do you...love me? Or is this just a fling." He goes silent for a second, but speaks.

"I don't know what I feel...however when I'm with you I'm happy..." I smile, I make him happy, I thought. "Y/n...I know your seventeen, but I want to be with you. So will you be my girlfriend?" Quickly I nod which makes a flower bloom on his features. He slams his lips against mine. He drops the shovel and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. Sam clears his throat while laughing silently and we pull away, both of our cheeks red. "Am I interrupting?" I chuckle and we go back to digging as awkwardness fills the air. My shovel clanks against something, and me and Dean dig with our hands, pulling out a red bicycle.

"Peter's bike." I whisper.

"Who are you?" Jake growls from behind us, pointing a gun.

"Put the gun down, Jake." I tell him.

"How did you know that was there?"

"What happened? You and Bill killed Peter, drowned him in the lake and then buried the bike? You can't bury the truth, Jake. Nothing stays buried."

"I don't know what the hell your talking about."

"You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney thirty-five years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about." Just then Andrea runs up yelling. "Dad!"

"And now you got one seriously pissed-off spirit." Dean mentions.

"It's gonna take Andrea, Lucas, everyone you love. It's gonna drown them. And it's gonna drag their bodies God knows where, so you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt. And then, after that, it's gonna take you, and it's not gonna stop until it does." I tell Jake, he scoffs.

"Yeah, and how do you know that?"

"Because that's exactly what it did to Bill Carlton." Sam explains.

"Listen to yourselves, all of you. You're insane."

"I don't really give a rat's ass what you think of us. But if we're gonna bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them, and burn them into dust. Now tell me you buried Peter somewhere. Tell me you didn't just let him go in the lake." Dean begs.

"Dad, is any of this true?" Andrea asks, voice shaking.

"No. Don't listen to them. They're liars and they're dangerous."

"Something tried to drown me. Chris died on that lake. Dad, look at me." Jake does. "Tell me you-you didn't kill anyone." He looks away in shame. "Oh my God." 

"Billy and I were at the lake. Peter was the smallest one. We always bullied him, but this time, it got rough. We were holding his head under the water. We didn't mean to. But we held him under too long and he drowned. We let the body go, and it sank." Jake tells us and Dean glances at Sam. "Oh, Andrea, we were kids. We were so scared. It was a mistake. But, Andrea, to say that I have anything to do with these drownings, with Chris, because of some ghost? It's not rational."

"All right, listen to me, all of you. We need to get you away from this lake, as far as we can, right now." Dean warns, but Andrea turns her head and spots Lucas going down to the lake, she gasps. We turn to what she's looking at, "Lucas!" I yell and I run up to the dock. Lucas is leaning over the side, reaching for a toy soldier in the water. "Lucas!" Dean yells.

"Lucas! Baby, stay where you are" Andrea yells. A hand comes up and pulls Lucas into the water. The adults have reached the edge of the lake. Jake stops as Peter's head is visible, Jake recognizes him. We keep running to the end of the dock.

"Oh my God!" Andrea yells. She takes off her jacket to jump in.

"Andrea, stay there!" I say and I jump in, I could hear Andrea trying to get to Lucas.

"We'll get him! Just stay on the dock!" Sam pleads. I could see Lucas at the bottom and I swim down there to get him. He was being dragged down, I swim faster, what I didn't understand is Lucas was let go and started floating upwards. Did the ghost just let him go? That doesn't matter, I grab Lucas and swim back to the surface. I emerge while holding Lucas, who isn't moving.

~

The three of us walk out of the motel, Dean opens his car door and Sam tosses a duffel in.

"Look, we're not gonna save everybody." Sam says, he was referring to Jake who died to save Lucas.

"I know." Dean sighs.

"Sam, Dean." Andrea walks up with Lucas. "Hey." Me and Dean say at the same time. "We're glad we caught you. We just, um, we made you lunch for the road." Lucas is carrying a tray of sandwiches.

"Lucas insisted on making the sandwiches himself."

"Can I give it to them now?" Lucas excitedly asks.

"Of course." Andrea smiles and kisses his head.

"Come on, Lucas, let's load this into the car." Dean says.

"How you holding up?" I ask Andrea.

"It's just gonna take a long time to sort through everything, you know?" I sigh. "Andrea, I'm sorry, if I knew-" She silences me and shakes her head.

"You saved my son. I can't ask for more than that. Dad loved me. He loved Lucas. No matter what he did, I just have to hold on to that." I smile as Dean walks up to me with Lucas.

"All right, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time."

"Zeppelin rules!" Lucas laughs.

"That's right. Up high." Dean holds his hand up for a high-five. Lucas obliges, grinning.

"You take care of your mom, okay?"

"All right." The both of them leave, Dean smiles and gives me a peck on the lips, then goes around the car.

"Sam, move your ass. We're gonna run out of daylight before we hit the road."

"Yeah yeah ok." Sam chuckled as we all got in, continuing with our adventure.

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.19: “Jack in the Box”

THEN: Eh, you know all this. Oh, wait, here's something interesting - a reminder that Naomi was overcome by the Empty slime. Which reminds me of my theory that Naomi and/or Duma might actually be the Empty Entity. Hmmm. Oh, and also, all the Jack stuff.

NOW: There's a bunch of hunters in the bunker, drining beer and looking at pictures of Mary and her stuff on the map table. Including the picture Sam burned. Well, I'm glad it wasn't the only copy. And whatever these rings and calipers are that are always on the map table, apparently they're permanent, because they weren't removed for this little memorial display. Also, John's journal is part of the display, and I know they gave it to Mary to read, but still, it's John's. This bothers me.

So, are these surviving AU hunters? If not, that means the Winchesters have opened the bunker up to every hunter they know (and revealed its location to everyone they know), which is... not what I would have done. TFW makes an entrance (why were they not in there with their guests) and Dean thanks them for coming and makes a little speech but I'm finding it real hard to concentrate on Dean right now because LOOK AT SAM'S SHIRT. LOOK AT IT. It's CLOSE-FITTING and it's NOT PLAID and whatever awful things this episode does (and my completely unspoiled prediction is that IT WILL DO AWFUL THINGS), we at least got this.

I strongly suspect this is actually Jared's shirt.

Dean informs the gathered that they missed the pyre, sorry. And he mentions that some of them fought Michael with her in the other world so they ARE AU hunters! Or at least some of them! Well, that's good to know. Sam doesn't have to feel personally responsible for killing everyone who came over, just a handful. Including the only one who had a name, and probably that guy who called him Chief (sob), but some of them remain. Anyway. Dean gives his eulogy (and Sam's not the only worth a second look in this scene, because Dean looks pretty amazing as well) and they drink beer and then an AXE FLIES IN OUT OF NOWHERE, SLOWLY AND AWKWARDLY SPIRALING INTO A HUNTER'S HEAD. People seem surprised, but it's the mild kind of surprise you'd get if he threw his beer at somebody, not if an axe suddenly appeared embedded in his head. The thrower of the axe walks in - it's New Bobby. WELL.

Title card! Bobby informs me that it was a hatchet, not an axe, and he wants it back. (Sidebar: It literally never occurred to me to think about the difference between a hatchet and an axe until earlier this week when I was listening to a murder podcast that specified someone was killed with one, not the other.) He also tell us that the "hunter" was actually a wraith "from a nest your mom and I busted up" and SEE, GUYS? This is why you don't invite people to the bunker. Now a bunch of wraiths probably know where it is. And we know the warding is a joke. Cas thinks Mary would have appreciated a monster at her memorial. I don't think Cas knows Mary very well but whatever.

Bobby asks Sam how he and "the other one" are doing, and we watch Dean pack up Mary's belongings (including John's journal? that's going away?) and Sam says he "seems to be doing okay" which is, of course, how they operate. No one asks how Bobby's doing, even though he had a relationship with Mary too (and over the course of her life probably spent as much time with her as Sam did, when you come right down to it), but Bobby says he's not into public displays of grief anyway, and Dean is probably the same (which is true, except for when it's very very not true).

Sam suggests they drink the scotch Ketch left (and I wonder if this means Ketch came for the memorial, and left some scotch, or if he's referring to a bottle from a previous season that somehow remained through all those events that really would have called for some serious scotch-drinking) and talk about Mom. Dean points out that they have been talking about Mom and stalks out and leaves Sam sad.

Sam and Bobby and Cas settle for beer instead, and Dean walks in just as Bobby asks "what exactly happened to her, cause I'm hearing, the kid." Oh, that's interesting that they wouldn't have given him the whole story. Or maybe it's not. Maybe it makes sense that they'd keep things vague, tell everyone she "died on a hunt." Dean needs a drink, but not in the bunker. Sam tells him they need to talk about Jack, and he says "we will" and quickly makes his escape. Bobby and Cas have this funny exchange.

I liked the kid. We fought together. But there's only way this ends.

Bobby's right. We have to find Jack and help him.

What?

Hee! Cas feels Jack might not realize what he did was wrong, and Bobby astutely points out that if he didn't realize it was wrong, that's kind of a big problem, because if Kelly's influence has been burned away, that means Lucifer is all that's left. Bobby means to hunt him down. "An unstoppable monster who don't know right from wrong gets put down." Um, Bobby, let's consider the unstoppable part of that declaration. (Also, should someone point out to Bobby that Jack accidentally killed someone even back when he did have a soul? Probably not.)

Cut to Jack, who is still? again? at an abandoned warehouse or factory or something. He's remembering what he did, and wishing his mother was there to tell him what to do. Oh, she's not here, but Hallucidad is. He tells Jack that the Winchesters don't care about him, he was just a pet and a weapon, and again, it hurts knowing that this is Jack's subconscious saying these things. Jack thinks he can explain and apologize, and if that's so, Jack, then why didn't you do that when they caught you raising Mary's not-corpse? No, says Hallucifer, they hate you.

Cut to Dean, sitting outside somewhere in the dark, crying.

This is not okay. I mean, it is, but it's not.

Heaven. (yawn.) Cas again tells Duma that he wants to see Naomi, and again she denies him. It turns out Naomi is in "a very small cell" because Heaven was invaded under her watch. I didn't think they had enough spare angels around to lock one up just because they don't think she's a good leader. She might be a great follower. (Yeah, probably not.) Cas tells her he needs help looking for Jack, who has burned through his soul and is no longer being protected by the Winchesters. Hmmm, she says, this is very useful information to have. Internally. Out loud, she tells Cas she'll see what she can do, which he of course takes as an offer to help. Oh, Cas.

Bunker. Sam's working at his computer when Dean comes back. Sam's wearing a different shirt. I don't know if that means it's the next day, or just that he changed out of his nice funeral shirt. He asks Dean how he's doing, but Dean ignores that and asks what Sam's doing.

Trying to find Jack. We've gotta find him before Bobby and his crew, because if they find him first -

He's gonna kill them all.

... I don't know.

Oh, Sam, you DO know. You are obviously concerned about Bobby et al killing Jack, not the other way around. And it breaks my heart. Sam also wants to talk about Mary and the fact that they don't have to rely on faith to know Mary's in Heaven, because they personally know Heaven and angels are real. Dicks, but real. He says Mary's in a great place, with John, because again we're forgetting or denying what we know about Heaven. Dean, the eternal ray of sunshine, points out that there wasn't enough of Mary left to bring back to life even if they wanted to.

Back to Jack, who has a surprise visitor. It's Duma! Oh, cool, she's helping Cas find him, just like she said she would! Ha ha ha nope. (Sidebar: How did Duma find him, and why doesn't Cas have the same ability? Discuss.) He remembers her from his trip to Heaven that one time he died. She tells him Mary's death wasn't his fault, and he deserves redemption after his mistake, because he has "a glorious destiny." She tells him Heaven has fallen apart since God left, and no one gives them the respect they deserve, but Jack, YOU can save Heaven and make the world better and wouldn't that make Sam and Dean happy? Their first stop on the Make The World Better Tour is to turn a famous God denier into a pillar of salt. Oh, irony. (Also, he's safe from ghosts now, so. Bonus?)

Bunker. Cas is telling the Winchesters that Heaven promised to "make every effort" to find Jack. Which 1) isn't exactly what we saw happening, unless you're naive enough to think "I'll see what I can do" means "I'll make every effort", and b) even if that is what Duma said, as Dean points out, "Oh, Heaven promised? Great, well we should take that to the bank." But Cas thinks Heaven has as much reason to want to find Jack as they do. Which is true. But doesn't mean they're going to turn him over to you, Cassie.

Coincidentally, Sam has just read about Professor Pillar of Salt. "Why does that sound familiar?" Dean asks. You know, I don't know the Bible very well. If a particular event didn't show up in "Jesus Christ Superstar" or "The Ten Commandments," I'm not likely to be familiar with it. And yet I know about Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt. And I've never been to Heaven or met an angel. So.

Cas explains the story and says no ordinary angel could turn a human into salt. Sam reads another story about a dishonest televangelist (yeah, I know, that's redundant) who had a crevice open in the ground under her and swallow her up, and again Dean's not familiar with the story, but this time I'm not either. But Cas knows it's from the book of Numbers. Allegedly, only Jack or Chuck himself could perform these acts.

Heaven. Duma tells Jack he's doing excellent work, and he can help bring Heaven back to its previous glory.

Sam and Dean will like that?

Words can't begin to express how Sam and Dean will feel.

Hee!

So let's talk about what's going on here. I appreciate that they're framing this as Jack trying to get back into Sam and Dean's good graces. In fact, I'm a little hopeful at this point. If Jack-who-is-being-used-by-Heaven is the Big Bad, doesn't that mean stopping the Big Bad could just mean they rescue him from Duma's manipulation? Maybe? (Yeah, I know. But a girl can dream.)

Anyway. Duma's next task for Jack is to create more angels. She tells him he can't make them out of thin air, but if a human is "predisposed" to it, he might be able to forge them into an angel. Oooooh, this opens up some chilling possibilities about who could be turned into an angel. But it turns out he's not going after anybody named Winchester. He's just sitting on the throne "where your grandfather received prayers" (and where your father sat) and listening to prayers. (Sidebar: Why hasn't Sam tried to communicate with Jack by praying to him? Discuss.)

For whatever reason, he hones in on one particular group of worshippers who are about to discuss the book of Samuel (hee!) with Pastor Ames. Jack zaps into the room, asks if they meant it when they said they wanted to go to Heaven, and shows them his wings. Sold! Pastor Ames missing that demonstration, so when he comes in and calls Jack a liar, Jack hits him with another Biblical curse: "he was eaten by worms and breathed his last." Pastor Ames falls to the ground with worms popping out of him everywhere, and Jack and his future angels disappear.

Hospital. Guys, look at the suits! Have they ever worn such narrow pants? What is going on here? Someone new in the wardrobe department?

Mama like.

Agents Kilmister, Clark, and Taylor (hee) are visiting bandaged-up Pastor Ames, who identifies a photo of Jack. They leave, and Cas recites the relevant verse and Sam says, surprised, "so you think this is another Bible thing?" AS IF THAT WASN'T WHY THEY'RE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, and as they leave, we see that Pastor Ames is not over his worm infestation after all.

Back at the bunker, Dean tells Sam that he didn't want it to come to this, but they have no choice. Come to what? What's behind the door in room 5B? It's the thing we all knew was coming - the box! (And if you didn't see it coming, the title of this episode clearly gave it away, which is why I consider titles of unaired episodes to be spoilers.) Sam, who is clearly not behind this plan in any way shape or form, points out that they don't have the ability to force Jack into the box, and he won't go in there of his own free will.

But he might. He might if he only has to stay in there long enough for us to finish the spell to fix his soul.

Spell? What spell? There is no spell.

*We* know that.

Oh, no, this is not good, and Sam already hates it.

... So, you want to lie to him.

No, I mean, I *want* Zeppelin to get back together. But what I *need*, what *we* need, is to stop Jack. Big difference. But here's the deal; we both gotta sign off on it. This might be our only shot, and if he even catches a whiff that this is a scam, he's off into the wind.

Exactly. Now, how do you think he's not gonna know something's up?

Because you're gonna be so damn sincere -

Me? Why me?

Because you've always been in his corner. You're his go-to guy. Sam, if you reach out, he'll come. If I do it, after what happened to Mom, I could lose him. I *will* lose him.

Oh no, no, no, Sam is SO not on board with this plan. Because the worst thing that could happen is that it doesn't work, and the second worst thing is that it does work. Dean is so calmly insistent, and Sam is so unhappy, and his FACE when Dean tells him HE will be sincere is just killing me, and no matter what I think about this episode or or this entire story arc, I love what the guys are doing with this scene.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm finding a silver lining here.

Sam sits down at the library table and begins praying to Jack, which doesn't answer my question of why they haven't already tried communicating with him that way. In fact, it makes me ask it harder. He tells him that they're family, and bad things happen in families but they want to get through it, they want to be like they were before. Jack hears Sam's prayer as he assembles his future angels. Meanwhile, Cas has barged his way into Heaven to rescue Jack, having figured out that Heaven has no mercy and angels do bad things, and Cas? How is this POSSIBLY news to you? Duma threatens to end Mary and John's happy little afterlife together (Is this confirmation that they really are sharing a Heaven, even though his name isn't on the door? Maybe. Do I accept it? Not necessarily) so Cas stabs her. Well. We're down to, what, ten angels now? He calls for Jack, but Jack's already gone, having just appeared in the bunker.

Jack tells Sam and Dean he's been working with Heaven, and "if it helps, I regret it... the accident."

Again, the guys do a beautiful job with this scene. Even if it's an awful, awful scene, they're acting the hell out of it. Sam is as anxious as he was when he was trapped in a cell with Jack the day he was born, the way his hands twitch when he gets up from the table and circles behind Dean, and then carefully places himself between Dean and Jack, and how he physically reacts when Jack steps closer, and they're both keeping their distance and moving so carefully, and then there's the way Dean is practically unblinking and is very obviously working SO HARD not to spontaneously combust, staying practically motionless and keeping his voice even, although anyone could tell he's absolutely BOILING under the surface from the look on his face and his tone of voice every time he says the accident. All of this is amazing.

But yeah, it is also an awful scene. Because Jack isn't guilty or apologetic at all. He's actually kind of smug about working with Heaven and making angels, and very condescending about regretting "the accident," and I just don't think he would be there. I think he would tell them how sorry he was, and that he tried to fix it, and basically everything he said to Hallucifer. He wouldn't say "I knew you'd understand" when they tell him they forgive him. His blind self-assurance would make sense if it came at the end of a 2- or 3-episode arc, where Duma had spent more than a day telling him how awesome he was. So while I love Sam and Dean in this scene, love them to pieces, Jack is just... ugh. Beyond OOC. Moving on. Dean tells Jack they're working on a way to fix his soul, and they want to keep him safe (from having another ACCIDENT) in the meanwhile. Sam oh-so-tentatively puts a hand on Jack's shoulder and dear GOD he is so afraid and I LOVE IT.

Again, quite a silver lining to this dark little raincloud.

They take him to the room with the magic box, which Dean claims is "actually pretty comfortable." Dean stays still and Sam fidgets and Jack says "okay" and climbs into the box. "How long before I can come out?" he asks. Sam is more and more fidgety as he says "not too long," and Dean is like stretched rubber band about to snap as he holds himself back from slamming the lid down. "Jack, we got this," Sam lies. "Okay," Jack says again, and he lies down and they didn't even put a pillow in the damn box, why does he think this is okay, why does he think they're working in his best interest if they didn't even give him a damn pillow? Dean shuts the lid and rushes to close the locks and Sam hates this, hates it so much.

Shhh. Don't even listen. Just turn the sound down and enjoy the pretty, pretty angst.

Alone in the box, Jack calls to the Winchesters, but they're already shutting the door to room 5B. They move to the kitchen to finish off Ketch's scotch and talk about the future.

So what do we do now? Just go on, with Jack locked up in there forever?

We have to.

I don't know if I can do that.

Dean ignores Sam's shaky voice and decides to talk about the scotch and sure, we all recognize this is Dean's way of coping. Pretend it's not happening, pretend it doesn't bother him. Because I have to think that, no matter how much he wants revenge against Jack, he understands that being locked in that box forever is still a horrible fate. (A fate Dean was willing to accept, but still.) Sam, meanwhile, needs to talk, just like he needed to talk about Mary.

You know, I never thought it would end like this, with Jack.

Sammy, we knew from the beginning it was a long shot with him.

Yeah. Yeah. But, long shots are kind of our thing.

So let's talk about Sam's guilt. His beautiful, beautiful guilt. Not only over tricking someone he loves into being locked up in a box forever, but for bringing Jack into their lives in the first place. And yet. Jack has always been unstoppable, hasn't he? So if Sam hadn't opened his humongous heart and taken him in, he would have been out there alone. No one teaching him how to use and control his powers, no one keeping him away from Lucifer. He would have been an unstoppable enemy instead of an unpredictable ally. Sam did the right thing, even though it ended bad. Because it was always going to end bad.

Have I mentioned that I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking?

Back in room 5B, Jack's starting to panic, and still calling for Sam and Dean. They don't show up, but Hallucifer does (oh god, I want to see Sam find out he basically locked Jack in that box with Lucifer) and informs Jack he's been played.

In the kitchen, Cas arrives with the news that Duma has been manipulating Jack, and they really need to find him. The guys are all, oh, whoops, forgot to call you, he's here, locked in the box.

Jack gets glowy eyes and tries to break out of the box, but nothing happens.

Cas is horrified that the guys still plan to keep Jack in the box, even knowing his latest acts were due to being manipulated. Sam says "That's the problem. If he's that easily manipulated, he's too dangerous to be out of the box." Oh, no he doesn't. Instead, Dean says "He agreed to it." Yes, in much the same way Sam agreed to be Gadreel's vessel. You keep telling yourself that, Dean. In fact, Dean is trying to claim that deep down, Jack knows it's best. Oh, no, no you don't. Cas points out that Dean manipulated Jack as much as Duma did.

(Sidebar: I'm convinced that Sam would be able to forgive Jack. Because of his endless capacity for forgiveness, and because he sees himself as being in Jack's shoes at a different point in his life. Dean, on the other hand, would not. Because Dean is a normal human being when it comes to forgiveness, and because Dean puts loyalty to family above everything else.)

Box. Jack tries harder. Lucifer laughs. The box glows.

Kitchen. The arguing is interrupted by an earth-shattering kaboom. Things fall off shelves. The red emergency lights and klaxon come on. TFW leaps up and runs to room 5B. The room is a smoke-filled wreck and a figure with glowing gold eyes is walking out of the red-tinged smoke. "Jack," Sam gasps.

Duh duh duuuuuhhhh! Next week, Cas makes Dean write I knew a nephilim was more powerful than its angel parent but I assumed the box would be stronger than Jack anyway 100 times on the blackboard.

Okay, the bad happened, as we all figured it would. But let's talk about the good. Jack's not locked in the box forever. That's a relief - it would have been a very unsatisfactory conclusion. And the guys looked extraordinary. And there was so much emotion, both the tightly-controlled type, and the worn-on-his-sleeve type, and I love them both. Honestly, considering what happened in this one, and who wrote it, it was a lot better than I expected. A lot better than it could have been. (Will I go read your reactions now and see that every single one of you disagrees with me? Quite possibly.)

Next week is the next-to-last "Carry On Wayward Son."

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!

[bobdylandreams]

Murder Most Foul

Written by Bob Dylan

Recorded "A while back" (according to the twitter announcement) Released 27 March 2020 and later on Rough And Rowdy Ways Tabbed by Eyolf Østrem

The harmonic rhythm (i.e. the regularity with which the chords change) is very loose, and the placement of the chord symbols in the tab below is approximate, tentative. On several points in the recordings it is evident that the accompaniment is more or less improvised.

Here's an attempt at an analysis of the song, musically and contentswise.

[Verse 1]         C                            F It was a dark day in Dallas, November '63 C                               F A day that will live on in infamy C President Kennedy was a-ridin' high F Good day to be livin' and a good day to die      C Being led to the slaughter like a sacrificial lamb          F He said, "Wait a minute, boys, you know who I am?" G "Of course we do, we know who you are"          Fmaj7 Then they blew off his head while he was still in the car C Shot down like a dog in broad daylight F Was a matter of timing and the timing was right C                                         F You got unpaid debts, we've come to collect                          C                                F We're gonna kill you with hatred, without any respect G We'll mock you and shock you and we'll put it in your face F We've already got someone here to take your place C The day they blew out the brains of the king F Thousands were watching, no one saw a thing C                                              F It happened so quickly, so quick, by surprise F Right there in front of everyone's eyes G Greatest magic trick ever under the sun F Perfectly executed, skillfully done C Wolfman, oh Wolfman, oh Wolfman, howl F                                 C Rub-a-dub-dub, it's a murder most foul [Verse 2] C Hush, little children, you'll understand F The Beatles are comin', they're gonna hold your hand C                                              F Slide down the banister, go get your coat                                       C Ferry 'cross the Mersey and go for the throat G There's three bums comin' all dressed in rags F Pick up the pieces and lower the flags G I'm goin' to Woodstock, it's the Aquarian Age F Then I'll go over to Altamont and sit near the stage C Put your head out the window, let the good times roll F                                   C There's a party going on behind the Grassy Knoll F                                                        [At this point, the string players lose track Stack up the bricks, pour the cement                      of the harmonic rhythm and play a C chord C                                       F                 against the piano's change to F] Don't say Dallas don't love you, Mr. President         G Put your foot in the tank and then step on the gas F Try to make it to the triple underpass G Blackface singer, whiteface clown F Better not show your faces after the sun goes down C                                                            F Up in the red light district, they've got cop on the beat C                                     F Living in a nightmare on Elm Street            C                                               F When you're down on Deep Ellum, put your money in your shoe C                                          F Don't ask what your country can do for you G                                      S Cash on the barrelhead, money to burn G                                F Dealey Plaza, make a left-hand turn C                                                     F I'm going down to the crossroads, gonna flag a ride C                                                       F The place where faith, hope, and charity died G                                                      F Shoot him while he runs, boy, shoot him while you can G                                      F See if you can shoot the invisible man C                                F Goodbye, Charlie, goodbye, Uncle Sam C                                          F Frankly, Miss Scarlett, I don't give a damn G                                         F What is the truth, and where did it go? G                                      F Ask Oswald and Ruby, they oughta know C                                      F "Shut your mouth," said a wise old owl            C                                 F     C Business is business, and it's a murder most foul [Verse 3] C                                         F Tommy, can you hear me? I'm the Acid Queen C                                        F I'm riding in a long, black Lincoln limousine C                                       F Ridin' in the back seat next to my wife       C                                 F Headed straight on in to the afterlife G                                 F I'm leaning to the left, I got my head in her lap G                                          F Hold on, I've been led into some kind of a trap         C                                            F Where we ask no quarter, and no quarter do we give      C                     F We're right down the street, from the street where you live     C                                          F They mutilated his body and they took out his brain     C                                     F What more could they do? They piled on the pain        C                                F But his soul was not there where it was supposed to be at        C                             F For the last fifty years they've been searchin' for that G                                    F Freedom, oh freedom, freedom over me G                                                  F I hate to tell you, mister, but only dead men are free C                                      F Send me some lovin', then tell me no lie C                                       F Throw the gun in the gutter and walk on by C                                       F Wake up, little Susie, let's go for a drive         C                                     F Cross the Trinity River, let's keep hope alive C                                        F Turn the radio on, don't touch the dials C                                       F Parkland Hospital, only six more miles                                                C You got me dizzy, Miss Lizzy, you filled me with lead   F                                        C That magic bullet of yours has gone to my head G                                   F I'm just a patsy like Patsy Cline G                                          F Never shot anyone from in front or behind G                            F I've blood in my eye, got blood in my ear G                                           F I'm never gonna make it to the new frontier C                                   F Zapruder's film I seen night before C                                  F Seen it thirty-three times, maybe more C                                                 F It's vile and deceitful, it's cruel and it's mean C                                     F Ugliest thing that you ever have seen C                                             F They killed him once and they killed him twice C                                 F Killed him like a human sacrifice G                                                        F The day that they killed him, someone said to me, "Son G                                                   F The age of the Antichrist has just only begun" C                                           F Air Force One comin' in through the gate C                          F Johnson sworn in at 2:38 C                                                F Let me know when you decide to throw in the towel C                                      F              C It is what it is, and it's murder most foul [Verse 4] C                                   F What's new, pussycat? What'd I say? C                                          F I said the soul of a nation been torn away C                                            F And it's beginning to go into a slow decay C                                                 F And that it's thirty-six hours past Judgment Day G                                      F Wolfman Jack, he's speaking in tongues G                                            F He's going on and on at the top of his lungs C                                 F Play me a song, Mr. Wolfman Jack                               C Play it for me in my long Cadillac                                 F Play me that "Only the Good Die Young" C                                          F Take me to the place Tom Dooley was hung          C                                            F Play "St. James Infirmary" and the Court of King James       C                                                 F If you want to remember, you better write down the names             C                             F Play Etta James, too, play "I'd Rather Go Blind" C                                           F Play it for the man with the telepathic mind G                                           F Play John Lee Hooker, play "Scratch My Back" G                                          F Play it for that strip club owner named Jack G                           F Guitar Slim going down slow                                 C Play it for me and for Marilyn Monroe [Verse 5] C Play "Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" F Play it for the First Lady, she ain't feeling any good C Play Don Henley, play Glenn Frey F Take it to the limit and let it go by C Play it for Carl Wilson, too F Looking far, far away down Gower Avenue C Play "Tragedy", play "Twilight Time" F Take me back to Tulsa to the scene of the crime G Play another one and "Another One Bites the Dust" F Play "The Old Rugged Cross" and "In God We Trust" G Ride the pink horse down that long, lonesome road F Stand there and wait for his head to explode C Play "Mystery Train" for Mr. Mystery F                                   C The man who fell down dead like a rootless tree F Play it for the reverend, play it for the pastor C                               F Play it for the dog that got no master C                               F Play Oscar Peterson, play Stan Getz    C                              F Play "Blue Sky," play Dickey Betts G Play Art Pepper, Thelonious Monk F                           G Charlie Parker and all that junk F All that junk and "All That Jazz" C                                        F Play something for the Birdman of Alcatraz C                   F Play Buster Keaton, play Harold Lloyd          C                              F Play Bugsy Siegel, play Pretty Boy Floyd G                                  F Play the numbers, play the odds      G                                       F Play "Cry Me a River" for the Lord of the gods C                                 F Play Number nine, play Number six C                           F Play it for Lindsey and Stevie Nicks C                                      F Play Nat King Cole, play "Nature Boy"     C                                       F Play "Down in the Boondocks" for Terry Malloy         G                                      F Play "It Happened One Night" and "One Night of Sin"        G                                           F There's twelve million souls that are listening in     G                                              F Play "Merchant of Venice", play "Merchants of Death"     G                                     F Play "Stella by Starlight" for Lady Macbeth C                          F                                       [Finally, a fixed rhythm Don't worry, Mr. President, help's on the way                      is established, sortof     C                                            F                but then Dylan decides Your brothers are comin', there'll be hell to pay                  to mess it up again; C                                                F                 the chords no longer follow Brothers? What brothers? What's this about hell?                   the established pattern] C Tell them, "We're waiting, keep coming," we'll get them as well G                                       F Love Field is where his plane touched down G                                      F But it never did get back up off the ground                   G                      F Was a hard act to follow, second to none                      G                       F They killed him on the altar of the rising sun C                             F Play "Misty" for me and "That Old Devil Moon"      C                             F Play "Anything Goes" and "Memphis in June"                    C                        F Play "Lonely at the Top" and "Lonely Are the Brave" C                                             F Play it for Houdini spinning around in his grave C                            F Play Jelly Roll Morton, play "Lucille" C                                       F Play "Deep in a Dream", and play "Driving Wheel" G                                  F Play "Moonlight Sonata" in F-sharp      G                                        F And "A Key to the Highway" for the king on the harp     C                                                  F Play "Marching Through Georgia" and "Dumbarton's Drums"     C                                             F Play "Darkness" and death will come when it comes      C                                           F Play "Love Me or Leave Me" by the great Bud Powell       C                                           F Play "The Blood-Stained Banner", play "Murder Most Foul"            

[sftswigan]

Manchester gutter punks, The Battery Farm, talk to us about horrific crime inspiring a song and how they just had to form this band...

We’ve got frontman/guitarist Ben from the band.

Alright Ben, can you tell us about the band. Who plays what and how the band got together?

Hallo! We are The Battery Farm, four gutter bastards from Manchester playing gnarly, seething punk rock music.

Ben Corry on Vocals and Guitar, Dominic Corry on Guitar, Paul Worrall on Bass, Sam Parkinson on Drums. Me and Dom formed this band from the ashes of a band we'd previously been in together for 8 years. At the point we formed The Battery Farm we were in a low place, feeling like failures, feeling defeated by this thing that we'd built for years just imploding, feeling angry and scared and hopeless at the utter state of the world. We basically decided to do this in the pub one night when we felt like we had absolutely nothing to lose. It was formed as a desperate reaction to two lives and minds spiralling out of control in a hostile, hateful world.

That must have been tough but, seems like it’s worked out well and the band from what I can tell is going from strength to strength. How soon did you find the remaining members, Paul and Sam? What have they brought to the band?

It has actually. Helpfully, it was a fertile environment from which to create. The first wave of songs - stuff like I Am a Man - are the purest distillation of that sense of lashing out, that sense of desperation we were feeling at the time.

We found Paul pretty much straight away. I'd known him for years through Manchester's Fringe theatre scene, having been in a couple of plays with him. He'd come to see me in a play, I knew he was a musician as well as an actor (although I don't think I'd grasped just how good he is), so I asked if he fancied playing bass for our new band. Sam we actually didn't know before the band, and it took a little longer to get him in. He works for the same company i do and I'd heard he was a drummer, so I got his contact details, asked him if he fancied coming for a rehearsal with us. It all clicked, and the rest is history.

Paul and Sam bring a massive amount to the band. They lift the songs me and Dom write and add a very particular combination of power and melody which you'll be hard pressed to come by very often. They're fucking ace and they know what is good for the song. No ego, no fucking about. They know what's important.

Sounds like you needed that new band to form quickly and to find drummer and bassist when you did you was very fortunate. I watched an interview of you and Dom recently and you talked about inspiration for songwriting and I was interested in where 97/91 came from. When it comes to writing where do you first look to for ideas?

Yeah we did, finding a drummer was comparitively difficult and I think if we'd have really struggled then we honestly would have just given up on it. 97/91 came about after I read an article about the murder of Suzanne Capper in Moston, north Manchester, which is where me and Dom grew up. I'm not going to go into details but if you look it up you'll see that it's the most horrific thing you've ever read. It stuck with me for weeks afterwards, and part of that was because I knew the streets where it had taken place and the community in which it had taken place. The houses it happened in - numbers 97 and 91 - are still there to this day. I got to thinking about why I reacted so viscerally to that story in particular; atrocities happen every day and we don't bat an eyelid, not really. It had such an impact because I was so familiar with the setting, so familiar with the type of person involved. It was too real. 97/91 explores the idea that we make a trade-off in our lives, one which enables cognitive dissonance that shields us from the impact the mass, relentless violence of the world. It also means that when something evil happens in a familiar setting the impact is much greater.

How can it only be real when you can see it? 97/91 isn't necessarily about the Capper murder itself, but the murder is a jumping off point to explore the faustian pact at the heart of the human condition, the one that keeps us sane but also ebbs away at our souls.

Our ideas just literally come from trying to explain our perspective on the world, we don't necessarily make a conscious effort to look in one place for ideas. We just write about whatever moves us. That can be mental illness, corrupt political systems, or the fact that I've never been to Gorton, which is literally the title of one of our new songs.

I find reading about crime stories really interesting, it’s madness what goes on in this world! This is one I’m not aware of but this must have been difficult to write about with it being so close to home? I love the anger and aggression in your music and lyrics.

You mentioned being an actor earlier, do you think this has an influence on your performance as a front man?

Yeah I went through a short phase of listening to true crime podcasts earlier this year but i had to stop bec it was all too grim. It was difficult to explore the ideas that particular incident led me onto but the endgame wasn't to just write about the murder itself, so I suppose keeping that in mind kept my head clear and made things easier.

Honestly, i try to keep any ideas of acting and theatre separate from the band. The actor thing can be frustrating at times because people conflate that with what I do in the band and think that everything must be a performance of some kind, which it isn't. The whole idea of putting The Battery Farm together was that it could give us an outlet to express ourselves honestly, and to me the stuff I do as a frontman is just an honest reaction to what I'm singing and what it makes me feel. I try not to overthink that aspect of it because I feel like to do so would water it down. It needs to be raw, it needs to be stark, it needs to be reality. If it's an actor's performance I'm not really getting anything out of it.

It’s amazing how reading/listening to one can lead on to another one. But yeah hard to shake off once you’ve learned about them.

You’re performance on stage seems very honest and I love to see in a frontman.

Moving on to the music scene...Manchester in particular is buzzing at the minute. Did the band find it easy to slot in? What’s been your favourite gig up to now?

We did actually. We knew a couple of people anyway from being in previous bands but until now I'd always found the Manchester scene a little unfriendly. It's totally different now. Not only is it overflowing with incredible, original, exciting new bands but it's also full of amazing people, and in the year we've been gigging we've made some wonderful friends. There's a proper sense of inclusivity and community, a lack of ego and aloofness that wasn't there before.

My favourite, and I think the others would agree with me, is our first headline set which was at The Peer Hat last November. It was an Abattoir Blues night and they're always amazing. The venue was packed to capacity and the atmosphere was electric. It was the kind of big, simmering sweatbox that seems impossible to imagine in the current climate. I want every gig we play to be like that one.

Yeah it’s great to see bands appreciating each other’s music and plugging their stuff on social media etc. I love going to Manchester for a gig. It’s a great time for guitar music in the UK at the minute with bands like Idles, Fontaines DC and Sports Team doing really well. And also The Blinders bringing album 2 out very soon!

That gig sounds like a great night!

When all this is over and we get some normality back...what are the bands plans?

Well, we're heading into the studio later this summer to begin work on... something. Beyond that it's hard to say because like everyone else we can't really make plans at the moment. Like everyone else we're pretty much having to make it up as we go along. We do have gigs booked for November and December but whether they'll happen or not remains up to fate. Everything going to plan, we may be in for an exciting end to the year. Maybe.

Gonna be very exciting for all bands and music once gigs/recording etc can happen again isn’t it.

Got so many new bands I want to see. Have you discovered any new bands during lockdown? If not, what have you been listening to?

Lockdown's actually been really fruitful in terms of new bands releasing amazing stuff. I've been listening to a lot of Tinfoils recently, they're a delight! Also been loving new stuff from Cold Water Swimmers, The Red Stains, Richard Carlson Band, The Maitlands, loads of stuff. I've also recently discovered John Shuttleworth, a comedy singer from Sheffield who does weird Phoenix Club-type songs about stuff like margerine and vans. I love stuff like that, real end of the pier nonsense.

I love Tinfoils and down to have them on here in Wigan but then lockdown came. The other bands I’m aware of too but not the solo artists you’ve mentioned.

Yeah Tinfoils are great. John Shuttleworth has been around for years i think. I can imagine he won't be to everyone's taste. Richard Carlson Band are actually named after the actor Richard Carlson, who was in The Creatire From the Black Lagoon. There is no Richard Carlson in that band! They're absolutely ace, they released their debut single a few weeks ago and I've had it on repeat.

I’ll be sure to listen to your recommendations, love finding new music to listen to.

We’re coming to the end of the interview now, I’ve just got a couple of questions. You’ll get two options, you pick one answer...

Winter or summer?

Sex Pistols or The Clash?

Roast dinner or Chinese?

Film or Book?

Winter

The Clash

Roast Dinner

Book

Thanks for having me! Hopefully see you soon

Thanks Ben for taking the time to chat to us. Hopefully we’ll cross paths at a gig soon.

If you want to listen to the band please go and follow them on social media and their music is on Spotify etc.