#i feel like we havent talked in like 500 years

[chameleons-dish]

-michael (in the bathroom)

Wjat no I'm not crying I'm just high (← liar)

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date

[blookmallow]

my feelings about fo4 romances thus far

ive done all of them except piper and danse i think. i have both planned but haven't achieved them yet. i know one major thing about danse's development but have no idea what happens after the discovery of the thing comes out and have even less idea why so many people are into him so I'm hoping I will Learn

currently i feel like im just being followed around by a domineering buzz lightyear. he's... nice enough if you do things he likes...? he's supportive. but I have yet to get any personality out of him other than "soldier" and I'm guessing that's probably the point, so maybe there's a side of him I haven't seen yet. i really want him to get the hell out of the power armor though it is so unnerving having him stomping after me in the middle of diamond city. like. boy calm down for one minute we are going shopping. if he stays in the fucking power armor for his "waking up beside you" animation i am going to actually lose it

anyway i dont have a problem with piper (except i hate that she calls you "blue" i really feel like most of my SS's would be offended by that. you're nicknaming me after the vault i was lied to and controlled in. where i was frozen against my will and forced to watch my spouse die in front of me and my son be taken away. it's not cute! ) i just hadn't gotten around to her bc i hadn't figured out a character to make sense with her yet/it didn't feel natural but i think im gonna double her with my preston file. i have like 6 ocs going here dont ask (ive got uhh. my main is curie + hancock, then i have one for maccready, another one with hancock, one with preston + eventually piper, one with cait + gage, one intended for danse)

ive romanced hancock twice and had to talk myself out of doing it again on a third file. this man is my weakness. i would do anything for him. his romance lines are so sweet he makes me cry. perfect. no notes. the way he's threatening and dangerous but only when someone deserves it, and so soft and loving to you? rough and a lil bit fucked up, a lil bit nasty, but so calm and comforting and supportive to you? kills me. destroys me. my comfort character is a fucked up chem addicted radioactive ghoul who wears a 500 year old coat every single day of his life and might've lost a toe somewhere

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

cait's honestly feels so weird to me. it's like her personality just totally changes. she goes from being rough and sarcastic to "anything for you my treasure :) my heart is yours my beloved :)" and it doesn't feel like character development so much as just like. character flattening. it was actively putting me off spending time with her anymore. its like its not her. do you get me. does anyone feel this. i havent seen anyone talking about cait that much honestly so i have no idea

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

curie was my first love and i still cannot believe they gave us a miss nanny robot wife. i wish she was more android after the change though. i know human-passing synths are totally indistinguishable but i want her to be weirder. i want curie with glowing eyes. i want to see circuits on her arms instead of veins. anyway she is so so sweet and such a unique character i love her but also i do not understand her bc i was looking at her likes/dislikes and she apparently likes the brotherhood and doesn't like the railroad which does Not Make Sense To Me At All. girl you're a synth

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

i never really got why people are so into porter gage until i went through his romance and he's still not really my type but like, i get it now. the "man don't make me talk about feelings and shyit. we're... we're great! you know THAT. :/ " is so cute. i wish there was a redemption arc/reformed raider option for him because i feel like he had potential for growth that he just wasn't allowed to realize. underdeveloped but he is a DLC character so i guess that's how it goes

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

maccready is also kinda dangerously close to "personality changed completely when romanced" but it feels at least less jarring than cait's. maccready reads to me as a person who is actually quite sentimental and sweet but has become jaded/has to act tough to fit in/to protect himself and he's taking his walls down for you. he's another one that still isn't really my type but i Get It Now. his little toy soldier thing still gets me every time. speaking my exact love language of "here is a little thing that is important to me and i want you to have it and think of me." i respect maccready enjoyers

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

i haven't spent a lot of time on the file i romanced preston on but i was fully not prepared for the fact that he calls you "babe" once you're dating. it's so cute. preston is so cute. i don't have a lot else to say other than he is So Cute and deserves more attention than he gets.

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

[hertwood]

dts s2 e4-6

e4: -sorry seb's "says who?" at the start of episode (in response to ferrari telling him what to do) GAGGED sets the tone for the episode PERFECTLY -mattia talks about monza the way indy drivers talk abt the 500 lmao -the whole "there is no #1 driver" bit makes me think hey r there parallels to be drawn between sebchal here and alonso/hamilton in 2007? just thinkin about it -before i get to far i want to share some thoughts: when i first watched this episode with NO prior knowledge it was rly hard to follow. after i heard about the specifics of the ferrari engine controversy (cheating), for the second watch i remember this episode suddenly clicking for me! this episode would've benefitted so much from a will buxton monologue explaining the juicy details for a newish viewer. i understand that there might have been pressure from ferrari to not include those details but it is such a shame, to have such a core piece of information missing and viewers have to try to piece together the narrative without it :/ -HI LAURA WINTER -very much get the impression that seb is like the family member who notices the generational trauma and going hey maybe we should change things to stop that and gets exiled from the family instead :) those sure are the vibes -HI CHARLOTTE -im sorry the back to back "seb has a lack of confidence with the car. and charles' car is not performing" like theyre the same car but you're gonna frame it like its seb's fault but not charles's? mattia choke -at the part where they're explaining the engine controversy--i still stand by wishing they explained it better and EARLIER because i think its much needed context for the first half of the episode too -at the end of the day all i need to know is that seb clearly thought that what ferrari did was wrong, and thats all i need to know if he says so then i believe it!! -the way netflix is trying to tease like ~oh imagine all the different teams he could go to! who wouldnt want him~ is so cheeky but also i NEED to know what this was like live when yall didnt know where he was going i'm JEALOUS i wish i got to be there for it all to unfold -double ferrari dnf at monza must've been crazy to watch live too lmao -seb zigzagging through all the photographers on his bicycle. love him -seb announcing his new seat the same weekend as ferrari's 1000th is crazy ex girlfriend levels of unhinged (pos). like posting ultrasound pics the same day as your ex's wedding type of shit. no one does it like him -sorry im incapable of watching ferrari episodes without writing an essay. hope you enjoyed

ep5: -the great daniel/cyril divorce -i cant remember who said it or where i saw it but when i first got into f1 properly someone talked about how Different things might've been if there hadn't been covid--since the season was delayed, the contract was signed before reneault could have any races with daniel that year--so daniel could only make that decision based off 2019 races -the jump clearly did not work out for him but alpine also went to shit too. but if cyril hadn't left who knows. i think all of daniel's choices make sense honestly!!!! he just got very unlucky -anyway their dynamic is insane and they deserve soooo many more fic than they have!! -"it's probably a bit like being dumped by a girlfriend, but she hasn't moved out of the house yet." christian did eat with this one. unfortunately -i love cyril but him being the one to actually complain about the pink mercedes feels very..... my wife is divorcing me so i'm gonna sue my neighbors over the property line -"i hate those fucking pink cars" oh i need to gif that. i'll be watching and i'll just KNOW like yeah that needs to be in the next gifset -i cant believe i havent mentioned it yet renault colors are the BEST daniel has ever looked i miss having yellow n black on the grid. maybe thats why alpine went to shit they gave up the best color combo they could have

e7: -pierre redemption episode!!! i think this is one of the best episodes ever tbh. very cathartic movie plotline really ticks all the boxes -HI PATRICK -ok but the fact that dts NEVER covered alex's podiums w red bull after milking the shit out of his missed podiums is a hate crime to me personally -onboards going through eau rouge are scary af. -filled with rage at how christian horner chews up new drivers and spits them up (even though its all so predictable at this point. no one will ever live up to the golden boy) -i remember seeing people complain that the williams family leaving wasn't given focus in dts, if anyone has any fun video essays about that i'd love to watch! -i do take issue with will buxton saying "red bull can't admit they made a mistake (with alex)" i think red bull made a mistake with promoting ANYONE too early and expecting too much from them, but not in a pierre v alex way. neither of them were given enough time or support by red bull to flourish. and they lowkey admitted that recently lmao -but it /is/ cathartic to know that red bull have tried to get alex back since then and he doesn't need his toxic ex in his life anymore no thanks ✌️ -i just know i'll LOVE watching this race in full -they set up the suspense so well for the end of the race -and it really is. if carlos had won this race with mclaren, his first win, how different would the trajectory of his career been -ANYWAY theres something that just always gets me about men holding all their emotions in right until they cross the finish line and they finally allow themselves to feel the emotions. (recent example that made me SOB was theo when he won f2) i also love how much it clearly meant to the alphatauri guys in the garage. last time that happened was with seb for torro rosso yeah? so its clearly so so special

[tsururoach]

will you ever make another uquiz in the future? ur extensive orv kin quiz was very enjoyable

Oh absolutely, I actually have one halfish-finished (The questions May Be Doubled. but its also about the experience so some of the questions is less questions and more of "Experience"), but I haven't gotten around to my nth reread to double check my answers+ add some Specific Questions, since this one includes spoilers.

and is like/ way more stylistic which surprisingly, webnovel readers seem to Not Like. Though. to everyone who has English as a second language. I formally apologize for my usage of English. Fluent speakers barely understand me. It's a personality flaw. It WILL be worse in this second quiz.

(If you didn't want a kin quiz and somehow remember my one off suggestion of making a "Would you survive ORV" quiz, that's been merged with the above mentioned quiz. So that might explains things.)

Anyways if you mean "Make an extensive quiz for a different fandom" I unfortunately don't have any fandoms that either have the people (Obscurity win!) or the substance to make a quiz off (Vocaloid loss!), but if you ever see me talk about something I like (i.e. webnovel/series) I could absolutely do it.

(Actually thinking about the list of fandoms that I'm deep enough in to make a quiz, a lot of them is hard to imagine kinning in since they're world building focus and theres like. what. 4 characters. but trying to write them out like "Fandoms" I'm really only into Vocaloid for creation reasons, while the rest i just "enjoy". BUT. There are some I'm willing to go deeper in. However. Like.........

Persona 3 (The problem with this one is... Actually there isn't a huge problem with this one. BY THE WAY I ONLY LIKE 3. I have not touched 4 and 5, and that being said. havent played it since like. high school so. anyways, I feel like the biggest roadblock is that, the MANNER I like p3 is different, but after considering it I COULD. if people asked me to, but It won't be as.................... Strange as the ORV one. maybe that's preferable actually.)

Vocaloid (look man. I'll be so fucking honest with you. hate vocaloid personality quizzes. Hate pushed fanon, Vocaloid is nebulous to me. they're both everythign and nothing. "Ohh but what about kagerou or evillous" they are DERIVATIVES not the mascot themselves. I could assign vibe wise but we both know "vibe" just mean its a personality assignment. Lets Be Real)

Natsume Yuujinchou (The problem here is like....................... the differences between the minor characters becomes a bit.. muddled. and i feel like save for four characters, all the questions and answers would just be muddled nonsense)

Twisted wonderland (I'm already getting problems from just writing fics for this fandom. I'm not about to multiply the few "This quiz is stupid fuck you" questions to those people. I have Certain Inclinations It WILL be worse than ORV. Stares at a specific anon hater. Reading comprehension can be interesting here. 💖)

How to Live as the Enemy prince (actually. fucking bet. the fandom is thriving thanks to the webtoon adaptation. My personal favorite webnovel. but I may be guilty of bias. I'm not saying its the best. but yknow what, I might do this. Eventually. I HAVE to fix my mtl of the novel so I can better check whatever I make from it. I'm so stupid lol)

D. Gray man (if you've read d/gray man I feel like you can somewhat understand that I have no idea how to approach this quiz/ For multiple reasons. In no way can it ever be spoiler free lol.)

What if i just wrote a kinassignment quiz thats like . what. 500 questions long and itsj ust every single fucking media i'eve ever consumed, including the tonystark mpreg webn

Anyways let me know if you're interested in any of these quizzes tho! I'll certainly think about it!

i should remake my oc quiz actually.

In the third category is my forever uncompleted 3 year old basement quiz which is a "I recommend you a personalized webnovel based on your answers to these questions" However it both is. Several times longer than the kin quiz, I also keep getting caught up in re-reading/finding new novels. That Is a Problem. I'm pretty sure my spreadsheets are backlogged on novels by now. ALSO. PAYING FOR WEBNOVELS IS SO EXPENSIVE. Kim Dokja would STARVE if TWSA was paid content good lord. Some novels cost 100$+ to buy in their entirety, which yeah I understand they're weekly/monthly uploads so the payment spreads out and etc etc. (this is probably why physical releases are so much preferable if possible ngl, unless you're insane. Like me. ANd like. may or may not have purchased physical novels from overseas from a limited release print. in a language you are totally not fluent in. but hey, thats just average webnovel reader things. like good god it's way more painful trying the other way. i think. possibly/ definitely not. but hey. ALSO UQUIZ!!!! ADD WEIGHTED QUESTIONS ALREADY!!! ! SOME ANSWERS ARE WAYYYY MORE IMPORTANT!!! I debated just having like double questions like "Do you like romance to be prevalent" -- > "Is it important that romance is prevalent" Just to make the answer count for double. BUUTT I ended up adding a subsection that is "You got this result but here are some answers that are alternatives if "X" is missing, with like a short guide to the novel. WITH PROPER SUMMARIES. good god you can't just recommend stories going like "You should read this! IT's GAY!" but then again gay webnovels half of the time that IS the summary but let's not judge me and my reading diversity.

ANYWAYS missing the point there, honestly I just thought after that First Big Quiz, only like 3 people would be interested so I kinda forgot about it. too. also working on a fangame (not orv) and studying so my time management is kind of also crap.

[blokecorelouis]

honestly

just had the most annoying experience. i’ve been looking forward to clubbing for like a year now and my friend just came to visit to go clubbing and have fun and she literally just bailed on those plans an hour before we were set to leave. AND i had included another friend in these plans who I THEN HAD TO BAIL ON LIKE AN HOUR FROM GOING OUT. and another friend who is kind of a new friend who i also had to bail on. and she bailed because she has a fucking cough. i understand that health anxiety and health ocd suck but also like fucking why AN HOUR BEFORE WE WERE GONNA LEAVE ??? like take a fucking xanax or something. ik im being a cunt right now but im kind of pissed. also my partner has been like struggling with sex stuff and the idea of polyamory keeps coming up and i dont even know if i want that but like it feels like im already reassuring them all the time so despite what they say it feels like it isnt an option. idk i just wish everyone was on my wavelength and ik thats not how life works but sometimes that fucking sucks. like why am i 23 and i barely have sex once a week, make like $500 a week which is barely enough to survive, and i also havent been to a club in over a year. also i wish my partner liked clubbing but they dont. i just wish i didnt feel like im missing out on so much. ik i still have time but fuck it feels like even when i try to go out and be young and dumb and full of cum im being blocked from that experience. now its 2 am and instead of like stumbling out of a club and calling an uber im sitting in bed typing up this mess of a post on tumblr while my partner sleeps next to me and my friend probably scrolls through tiktok. and thats the other thing is instead of trying to salvage the evening and enjoy hanging out inside and drinking margs and having homemade dinner it was fucking depressing because she was mad at herself for not going out and it was just lame. like there was no reason for this night to feel boring and i feel like a precious saturday night was wasted. i know im just feeling like an asshole right now but tbh i wish i couldve just gone out with the other friends i had to cancel on and let her be mad at herself alone. but frankly i think that wouldve made me a kind of shitty friend and partner since my partner would have had to stay with her and have an awkward night. just overall feeling annoyed and wishing i had my partner to talk to about this but by the time my partner and i can actually talk its gonna be like three days from now after i come home from work. i hate my fucking job !!!! i wanna get out of food and bev so bad but i need the money right now. i have to remind myself it will end or i feel suicidal. also ik its not a big deal about clubbing tonight but this friend just lets her anxiety rule her life sometimes and i feel for her but also its shitty when that effects other people. and i kinda dont know what to do about my partner situation im feeling kind of trapped which sucks cause im so in love with them but idk i think i wanna consider couples therapy but they said they want to go to individual therapy first which is valid but they havent gone. and i get that it can be scary and triggering for people but i need something to change or i guess i need to settle for just wishing we had more sex. am i entitled for wanting more? i feel like every other part of our relationship is so great and the sex used to be so frequent and it just doesnt feel the same. i need to go back to therapy so fucking bad. idk im just having a shitty night and i wish it had gone differently. thanks for listening tumblr void.

[ventingbaybe]

1/16/24

I did end up moving out after that last post, two or so years ago.

Im on my second year break from school, the whole point of the gap year was to save money for school. I got kicked out though, so there went that.

My parents dont like when i word it that i got kicked out, I was “heavily implied that I should move out so that I can thrive away from my family because they didnt sign up to start taking care of me again because I couldnt go back to school” but not kicked out.

I got a second job, worked 80 hour weeks for a while, quit one, work the other. Moved from one apartment to another and then another. I dont have any roommates, just me. I cant get an animal because it would be irresponsible when im planning on going back to school and wouldnt be able to bring them with me.

Every month I pay $1000 in rent, $500 in my loan repayment, and whatever other shit i get roped into.

I have a boyfriend. I had a crush on him at the beginning of last summer, we met at work. I ended up getting over him at one point. But sometime in October I got drunk and flirted with him, we went on a couple dates and made it official. Its awkward. We dont have anything to talk about and dont have anything in common. I feel bad that I cant be the partner that he deserves, but we just arent fit for one another. We need to break up but we havent had any free time to see eachother and actually have a talk about anything. Hes a great guy, but romantically we just arent compatible at all.

Were having a winter storm in my state and just my washing machine pipe froze, so last night at 2am I got to spend hours cleaning up my overflowed washing machine and hand wringing out and emptying the machine. I feel constantly overwhelmed and like Im drowning, but I dont have a solid enough support system to feel helped. This isnt to diss my friends or anything, I just need professional help at this point and cant keep burdening my friends with this kind of constant badgering of venting.

I need to make some more friends, like actual friends I hang out with who are on a similar level of being grown up as me. I need other people who are moved out that I can find some relation and comfort in. I just dont feel like I have anyone solid in my corner that I can turn to at this moment. Its my own fault which is even more frustrating.

I wish i could just go home and curl up on the couch and be comforted. Im a grown person whose fully moved out, supported completely by myself, but I just want my mom. I wish her and I were close. But neither of us are willing to let down our egos enough to ever talk without fighting. One time my mom told me she likes me better when Im drunk, because Im quiet and sweet. So everytime i go over, I have a drink and pretend it affects me more than it does.

I was a functioning alcoholic for most of my senior year of highschool. I’d drink nearly half a bottle of vodka every night. It hurts to see people compliment how I act when im drunk more than when Im sober. I wish I was a likable person. I dont know why I lash out, why I cant not have the last word, but I also wish i didnt have to fight everyone at any given moment.

I dont know why i fight but I dont know why everyone around me loves to rile me up.

My family has always known I had anger issues, and nothing made them laugh harder than seeing me lose my temper, if i got mad i was laughed at. If i got sad I was laughed at. If i stayed sat at that dining room table and went quiet then i was laughed at. If i excused myself to go to my room or hide in the bathroom, I was laughed at. There was no way to get away from the ridicule besides being an asshole back, and then someone else was always allowed to storm off. No one else was laughed at when they left. The table would go silent until everyone else excused themselves and it was just me.

Theres nothing quite like being left alone while everyone else comforts eachother. Why wasnt I included. Was it my own fault? Was I that repulsive of a kid? A teen? What about me was so fundamentally wrong that I couldnt be included.

I remember being young, maybe 9 at this memory. My brother had said something, I said something back, he stormed off and told my mom. I remember feeling excited when my mom came to my door. I remember thinking maybe it was my turn to be comforted. To be held and rocked the way she would to my brothers. I remember standing there while she screamed at me, hearing my brothers doors squeak open so they could tune in to the show. Being ridiculed for being such a horrible daughter, a horrible sister, just a base level horrible person to be around. How much my brothers would complain to my parents about how much they hated me.

Watching my mother stand there with this blank face as I would stand there, tears welled up in my eyes being told that if it wasnt for being family, I would be unloved.

She would hug me after, let my tears soak into the shoulder of her shirt, and say nothing as Id choke out apologies for being how I was. She’d stand there and hold me, telling me that all I could do was change.

So I tried. I tried so hard. I distanced myself from my family so they wouldnt have to deal with me. I got criticized for hiding away and hating them.

Now that I dont live there its easier. I dont see any of them often and they seem happy. My older brother is also moved out but he was still over there constantly, having dinner with the family most nights. I would tell my mom I would swing by later and come over to an empty house. Id wait for an hour, thinking maybe they were all just out, but they wouldnt be back. Id put away whatever Id brought over and leave, a silent drive back home to throw myself into an empty apartment and sit there. Not even a text to acknowledge whatever Id brought. Who knows if they even noticed.

I know my parents care about me, at least on some level. My dad comes over to help me set up my wifi, he drove me to work during this snow storm. I can see that on a base level he cares. But I hate that ill never know how much. Some people you can just sense it when you meet their parents, how they interact, how their parents look at them so fondly.

I feel embarrassed when my friends meet my family, not because Im embarrassed of my family, but because I know that the way I talk about my family isnt reciprocated. That no matter how many stories of my family I can share to my friends, how fondly I talk about them and their achievements, how every eyelash I wish on is spent wishing for my family to receive only the best, I know that when my friends look at my family and I, they dont see that fond look that their parents give them.

No matter how funny I can be around my friends, it will never translate over with my family. How I get quiet and move to the background around family.

I wish I was something and someone that could be talked about.

I wish I was worth bringing up in conversation when Im not around.

I wish just once in my life I felt like I was worth putting up with.

[angelgored-moved]

ugh...... u ever just wanna put ur minecraft bed next to a cute boy's so u can cuddle together??? yea

[kireimarkeu]

We got Married!; mk.l

[johnny]

character: oc x husband!mark lee

summary; where you and mark join a television show as husband and wife.

genre; fluff!

word count: 5.6k

a/n; i wasn’t really planning to write a wgm ver for mark, but i had so much ideas suddenly come to me so here it is :) i think i’ve grown and has written different kinds of fics, and i feel really confident in this one! i think you can see the difference if you read the johnny one compared to this hehe :) i really hope you guys like this because i reallyyyy did!!!

also, thank you guys for 500 followers! i havent done much but repost old works, but still got followers lmfaooo 

also a little note: bold + italic means mark is in the studio watching the show together

italic means questions are being asked to y/n and mark in the interview area

enjoy you guys :)

Episode 22

“Hello, I am NCT Mark and I am 22 years old,” a smile adorns his lips as the boy next to you bow at the camera.

“Hello, I am Mark’s wife, Y/N, and I am 21 years old,” you greet, bowing politely at the camera.

“This is the first time we have very young guests coming to our show,” one of them said.

“I think many fans are wondering why you had gotten married at such a young age?” one asked.

Another continued, “yeah, I don’t think it’s common in Korea,” they said, “I heard that Mark used to live in Canada for some time, is it common to get married at such a young age, there?” 

Mark chuckles, shaking his head, “No, no, we both decided to get married young because we have always talked about spending our 20s together.”

“How long have the both of you been married?”

Mark looks at you before answering, “We got married just a few months ago, actually.”

“To be exact, it has been about 4 months now,” you continued.

“How long did you guys date?”

“We dated for about 3 years, before we both decided that we wanted to get married straight away,” your husband answers.

“Wait, 3 years? But the news of you guys dating came out a year ago, though?”

“We dated secretly~” Mark replied shyly.

“You guys are the youngest couple to be on our show, has anyone been opposed to the idea of you guys getting married at such a young age?”

Your hand lands on your husbands shoulders, “to start, of course we received a lot of hate comments online when the news came out, but we knew this was what we wanted, so we never really doubted for a second.”

Mark agrees with your words, “yeah, our parents were also a little skeptical by our plans but we were adults and had explained clearly why we wanted to get married at such a young age.”

You hum along with Mark’s words. 

“Tell us honestly, was it hard dating someone when you are one of the biggest boy group in Korea?” one of them asked Mark.

Mark though for a moment, he wasn’t sure if he should spill out the truth or just butter everything up. “Well, of course it was. I knew what I was getting into and so did Y/N,” he says, “and as expected we knew that if we get caught, there would be tons of comments about us.”

“How did you overcome the mean comments?”

“Of course, we had both shared tears because of those comments, but we promised to never leave each other because of what others think.”

The scene started with the both of you eating breakfast at the dinner table. 

The casts of We Got Married started laughing at the sight of Mark’s bed head.

“You know, we really need to go grocery shopping,” you tell your husband who was sitting before you. 

He hums, “we’ll go this afternoon, I need to get some things too,”

You swallow your food, “what things, babe?”

“Doyoungie’s birthday is just around the corner, and I wanna bake him a cake,” he tells you. 

You squint your eyes at the boy, “bake? Are you sure you won’t burn down our kitchen?”

He rolls his eyes at your words, “I’m a grown up, babe, I definitely know how to bake,”

“Didn’t Mark went trending for a while when he cooked eggs?” the members laugh. 

“I remember that!”

.•° ✿ °•.

The scene changed to the both of you in the grocery store. You were searching for ingredients that you had written down in your phone. 

You would often forget items, so before you leave the house, you would type down all the things you would need in your phone.

Mark on the other hand, would get food on impulse- mostly snacks and instant food. You don’t mind, but space is limited, every time your husband joins you, he would overspend and in the end, you wouldn’t have space to keep all the extra food.

“Baby, you know we don’t need all these,” you sigh tiredly, your hand gesturing to the different types of chips laying in the cart. “Just pick one, honey, we can’t have everything from the store,” you say exasperatedly. 

Mark pouts at you but quickly removes most of the chips until there was 2 left. You decided to close an eye since you saw one of the new chips that you had been dying to try out. 

“Have you gotten the ingredients for the cake?”

Mark raises his eyebrows at your words, his hands digging through the pile of food in the cart before pulling out a box of cake mix. 

Episode 27

“Let’s welcome the couple who has received good remarks after coming to our show!” one of them said, followed by a series of claps. 

“Wah~ I really did not expect to receive so much nice comments,” Mark says with his hands placed on his chest, “Thank you so much everyone, y/n and I spent the whole night reading all of your comments.”

“Actually, I’m curious,” one of them quickly adds in, “how did the baking go for your member’s birthday?”

“I ended up burning the cake, so Y/N helped me from scratch,” he says sheepishly.

The casts laugh in unison. 

“Did Doyoung know?”

Mark shakes his head, “I lied and told him that I was the one who made the cake, but he didn’t believed me, so I ended up telling him the truth,” Mark says, flustered.

The scene started with the both of you walking in the park. Strings of coos left the casts lips when they saw you wearing a dress with your hair braided to one side. 

With squinted eyes, the both of you tried to find a good shaded spot in the park before putting down a disposable picnic mat, placing each of your shoes on each corner to prevent it from flying around.

You place the picnic basket in the middle of the mat while Mark took a seat, enjoying the view. You took out all the food that you had prepared a few hours prior. 

“Do you need help, babe?” you hear your husband ask from beside you. 

You shake your head, “I’m good,”

After you had settled all the food down, you finally let your legs stretch before you, leaning your head on your husband’s shoulder. 

Mark’s hand that was previously resting on the plastic picnic mat, finds yours, lacing his fingers with you, “this is nice isn’t it?” 

You nod, letting out a satisfied hum. You point towards his phone, “I think you have some songs prepared for this particular moment, am I right?”

“Oh, Mark do you actually have multiple playlists for different occasion?” one of the cast asks. 

Mark nods sheepishly, “I think it just became a habit of mine,”

“I’m not surprised though- he is in the music industry after all, I think it is pretty common, right?”

“I suppose so? It just doesn’t feel right to me if the music doesn’t match with the vibes.”

Mark reaches out for his phone, clicking on a particular playlist called ‘when the sun’s out’. Soon, the first song started playing softly in the background. 

A content sigh leaves your lips, “you know, if I had to choose one thing I’m grateful for you, it has to be your taste in music,” you tell him, quickly pressing your lips against his cheeks softly. 

Mark turns red at your gesture, his hand clutching yours tighter.

“Now I’m curious, what is your favourite song at the moment,” one of them asks, turning to face Mark.

“I really like Justin Bieber a lot,” he answers, “But right now, I can’t stop listening to Good Days by SZA.”

An hour has past by, most of the food already gobbled up by you two. 

“Babe,” Mark calls, poking you on the arm. 

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you tired?” he asks you, “you woke up super early to make food.”

A soft smile spreads across your lips, “a little, why?”

Your husband softly pats his lap, “come lie down and nap a little. The wind feels really good right now,”

You cleaned everything up and made space for yourself. You comfortably laid your head on Mark’s lap. 

“You know,” you started, “I really wish I could look at you right now, but the sun’s too bright.”

Mark rolls his eyes, “don’t be annoying and go to sleep,” he says, his finger softly flicking your cheek. 

A soft laughter left you before you finally shut your eyes, dozing off quietly while laying in your lover’s lap. 

Once Mark realises that you were asleep, he quietly raises his hands to cover your face from the sun. 

“Awww! You are such a romantic, Mark!”

When you realise the bright light was gone, you open an eye to look at your lover who was looking at his phone, with his hand still high up to cover you from the bright sun. 

A smirk adorns your lips, your eyes shutting close. You grab his hands, startling your husband. Lacing your fingers with his, you bring them down to your chest. 

“I don’t want your arms to be in pain,” you mumble, stroking his hands with your thumb. 

You hear Mark scoff at your statement, “I think I can handle it, babe. But, whatever you say.”

A few moments later, you feel his sculpted hands playing with your hair. He would occasionally massage your scalp or tangle your hair between his fingers. 

You didn’t say a word, feeling comfortable. 

The episode ended with Mark pressing a long kiss on your forehead, before pulling away. 

“This couple is too cute!” 

“It’s really unfair that I’m still single, this couple makes me want to get married so bad!” one of them agrees.

Episode 35

“After a long time, the couple is finally back again for another episode!” the cast says excitedly, “the last time they were here, the couple went on a romantic picnic date, leaving us all with envy!”

Mark laughs at their comment.

The scene started with the both of you entering the SM building. You had a cap and a mask on, hopefully to cover your identity from the fans waiting outside.

Although the news of you guys being a married couple had came out a few months ago, there were times where you did not feel like getting your pictures taken. Which, to be honest, was a rare moment for you and Mark since he is one of the biggest boy group.

You held onto your husband’s hands who was leading the way to the practice room. 

Once he finds an available room, Mark quickly puts his things down on an empty table. 

“Okay, so first we need to do some stretching so we don’t hurt ourselves when we dance later,” Mark tells you.

“Why did you want to dance?”

“To be honest, I really hate working out,” you tell them truthfully, “so I asked Mark if he could teach me some dance choreography,”

“Are you good at dancing?”

You laugh, “absolutely not! I have never danced in my life, so this is my first time.”

“She’s too adorable!”

“Babe, can we do something super easy?” you request, taking off your cap since it was covering your vision. 

Your husband nods, “yeah, we’re gonna do Kick It today.”

You wince at that. Kick It is the easiest he could think of? You didn’t say anything, following whatever your husband says. 

“Okay, so, we won’t do like- the whole choreography,” your husband enunciate. Just as you were about to let out a relieved sigh, Mark continues, “we’ll do from the first chorus onwards.”

Your mouth went wide. 

The casts laugh at your reaction.

“Okay, so the chorus kinda goes like this-” he shows you, looking at you through the mirror, “you know it right? you’ve done it before,”

You were at a loss of words, “I mean- I guess? But it’s not perfect so you still have to teach me!” you whine. 

Why is he going so fast? you though to yourself.

“Okay, okay,” he chuckles. 

For the next few hours, Mark teaches you the choreography step by step. 

Your husband was standing behind you, his hands resting on yours, positioning your hands at the right position. 

However, you ruined the romantic moment by stepping away from the male and turning to face him with furrowed eyebrows. 

The casts let out a series of grumbled sighs. 

“Why did Y/N step out? It was such a romantic moment!”

“Exactly!” the other adds on.

“Can we please take a break?” you whine, wiping the sweat that was rolling down your forehead, “I’m so tired,” you huff out, throwing yourself at your husband as he captures you in his arms. 

Mark chuckles, agreeing. He grabs your hand, pulling you to sit down on the empty chair. He quickly runs to the other side of the room to grab two bottles of water, opening one of them and passing it to you. 

He opens one for himself before gulping half of the bottle down his throat.

After you had gulped the whole bottle down, you tried to catch your breath. “I didn’t know it would be this tiring,” you confess, “is this what you go through everyday?”

The boy chuckles, “yeah, but a shorter period.”

You roll your eyes at his statement, “Okay, show-off,” you joke. 

Meanwhile, in the background, Kick It was playing on repeat. An idea pop in your head. 

“Wanna know something?” you asked your boyfriend. 

He nods.

“I’ve been practicing your rap part of this song,” you tell him, “I can rap your part word for word without any mistakes,” you say arrogantly, a smirk forming on your lips. 

“Oh yeah?” he challenges, “my part is coming up, I would love to see you try, babe.”

You stand up from your sitting position with your bottle of water in hand. Getting ready for the verse, you bring your hand that was holding the bottle to your mouth- pretending it was a mic. 

“I’m really excited to see Y/N rap,”

“Me too, she seems so confident,” the other adds on.

When the verse started playing, you rapped your husband’s part. 

Mark started laughing hysterically when you started mumbling random words. “Dude!” your husband laughs, his hand slapping his knee multiple times when you rap incoherently. 

His laughter only ceased when the music stopped. “Oh my god,” he says breathlessly, his fingers wiping the tears from his eyes. “I think you should replace me in NCT,” he jokes. 

Just as you were about to reply, you heard a group come in. You turn around swiftly, your eyes widening when you see the familiar girls walk in. 

“Oh, oh,” Wendy cheers, “what’s the couple doing in the practice room alone?”

“Oh my god, is that Red Velvet?” one of them asks, looking over at Mark with widened eyes. 

Mark laughs and nods his head. 

“Oh.. perhaps, you could ask them for their autograph the next time you see them,” they ask sheepishly, “my bias is Seulgi,” they quickly add on.

Mark laughs harder at that, “sure, if I see them around, I’ll make sure to ask for their autograph,”

“Oh hello,” you greet the girls, they bow politely back at you. 

Your husband chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he greets the girls. “I’m just practicing with Y/N”

Mark never got the chance to properly meet them in private- it was either with his members or never. Hence, he felt a little nervous seeing them in private.

Irene raises her eyebrows, “are you guys performing for something?” she asks, pointing at the both of you. 

You shake your head, “I just wanted to learn for fun,” 

Wendy nods, “are you guys going to practice some more?” she asks, looking at the both you expectantly, “cause’, if you guys want to, go ahead. Our choreographer is going to be late so we have time to spare.”

Mark checks the time on his watch before shaking his head, realising it was already pretty late and didn’t want to disturb the girls with their schedule. 

“No, it’s fine, we have to go anyway. I don’t want to steal your hour,” he says politely.

Ever since Mark had debut years ago, it was very hard for this group to book the practice room. So, whenever they managed to get the room, they would often use the room until the next person comes in.

You and Mark start packing up your things as the girls settle down and starts stretching. 

The girls bid the both of you goodbyes as you quickly left the room. 

“Oh my god,” you gasped, your hands clutching onto your husband’s arm as he looks at you in astonishment. “I just met Red Velvet,” you say to the boy next to you. 

You hit his arm multiple times, “I literally met Red Velvet! I even talked to them, babe!” you squealed, hitting his arms harder. That was until Mark grabbed your hands for you to stop hitting his poor arm. 

“Y/N hasn’t met Red Velvet?” they ask. Mark shakes his head, no. “Why not?”

“I knew she liked Red Velvet but she never really asked me if she could meet them,” Mark explains, “and we had this conversation before- meeting the other people in my company,”

“What about?”

“Y/N told me that she didn’t want to take advantage of my privilege, even though when I told her it was fine,” Mark explains. “So she never really asked about wanting to meet Red Velvet, or any of the other people in my company.”

“Jeez- babe,” he chuckles, putting your hand down and instead wrapping his arm around your shoulder, tugging you closer to him. “You were never that excited when you see me,” he jokes. 

The both of you reach the ground floor, stepping out of the elevator. 

“That’s because you’re not the prettiest girl group in the world!” you reply cheekily, a smirk playing on your lips.

“How long have you been a fan of Red Velvet?”

You hum, thinking back all the years you have been listening to their songs and collecting their PC Cards. 

“I think it was a few months after debut?” you doubtfully reply. “It was when I had just came to Korea for school and one of their music was playing in a store, and I really liked it!”

Episode 43

“Ah, our Mark Lee! Where did you go?” the cast whined, tugging on his arms. 

Mark cackle shyly, hiding his face slightly, “I’ve been very busy these days~” he says shyly, “my group had just finished promoting our recent full album,” he explains.

The casts cheers. 

“I heard you guys won first for many awards!” one of them says, “congratulations to NCT! As expected, our talented group with many talents and visuals,” they compliment.

“Thank you,” Mark gives his signature grin, “actually, I felt bad for not being able to come on here for so long, so I actually brought our albums to gift it to you guys,” Mark says, reaching for the stacks of albums in the bag. 

He hands each one of them the signed and personalised albums to the casts. 

“I can’t wait to listen to this!”

“Is Y/N featuring in any of the songs?” they joke.

This time, the show started with you in the kitchen. You were cooking dinner since some of his members were coming over. 

Mark on the other hand was sitting in the living room. He was seated on the floor, with papers spread all over the table. He had one of his hand holding a pen, swirling it around, while the other was pressed against his cheek. 

“I wanted to produce a song with my own lyrics for this upcoming album,” Mark explains to the cast since they seemed to be a little confused. 

“Have you produced a song with your own lyrics before?”

He nods, “I have, but I received help from others. This time I want to make a song that only has my own lyrics,” Mark explains.

“I never really got to ask an idol this question- but, is it hard to have your songs to be featured in an album?” one of them asks. 

The spotlight was on Mark. 

Mark nods, “it really depends. They usually focus on the music itself- since lyrics can be changed, but if the lyrics are too personal, most of the time they don’t really let you put it in a group album.”

“Did your song manage to be in the album?” one asks. 

“Nope,” mark chuckles. 

The casts laughs with Mark. 

“Because it was too personal?”

Mark simply shrugs, and points at the screen to continue watching. 

A heavy sigh leaves past the boy’s lips. He was staring blankly at the piece of paper. 

The camera manages to capture everything that was written on the piece of paper. Messy scribbles was the only thing that could be seen. 

“Babe,” you called. Mark quickly looks up at you, a pout on his lips. “Make sure you clean the table before the guys come,” you tell him, pointing to the mess on the coffee table. 

This morning, Johnny had contacted Mark saying that he misses him and wants to visit. You quickly agreed, since you haven’t seen the boys in so long.

He hums, slamming his head softly on the coffee table, a groan coming out of him when he hit his forehead a little too hard. 

A small chuckle left your lips when you heard his groans, “inspiration will come, babe,” you advise as you wipe the plates, “be patient.”

Mark turns his head so his cheek was pressed against the table as he stares at you. 

“You look so pretty,” Mark mumbles, but you hear him clearly. 

“Does Mark compliment you often?”

You nod slightly, “I wouldn’t say, all the time,” you exaggerate, “but it was definitely enough for me to know he loves me,” you giggle.

Mark continues to stare at you as you work on the food you were making. He was so deeply in love with you that sometimes he wonders what life would be like if he never met you. 

He lays his eyes on you for the next 15 minutes. It definitely didn’t go unnoticed by you- but you had forgotten about it once you were properly focused on cutting the onions. 

With heart eyes, a sweet smile spreads across your husbands lips. 

The casts all coo at the romantic scene. 

Mark finally sits up straight. With a grin plastered on his face, he grabs a clean sheet of paper and starts writing his feelings down. Surprisingly, he didn’t need a break, he continued writing for the next 30 minutes, satisfied with the lyrics. 

“Did you write a song about Y/N?”

Mark nods, “I did, it was mostly how I felt about being with her.”

“Earlier you said that the song didn’t manage to be in the album, will you be posting the song on another platform?”

Mark scratches his head, uncertain, “I’ll have to ask my company about that,” he jokes.

Episode 47

“We’re finally back with our favourite couple! How are you, Mark?”

“Just fine, I’m preparing some things with my group, so I have been a little busy now a days,” Mark replies. 

The casts sighs, “you’ve been working really hard, Mark.”

Mark simply chuckles awkwardly, unsure of what to say. 

The show started with you sitting on the familiar chair in the building. 

“Oh? The chair seems familiar?”

You had one of your legs crossed over the other with your right hand, holding your phone. You were scrolling through Instagram, hoping it would lessen your boredom. 

After a few minutes, you put your phone down when you realised you’ve been scrolling for minutes now, but nothing had caught your eye on your feed. You let out an exhausted sigh, resting the palm of your hand against your cheek. 

15 minutes later, your eyes widen when you see the familiar boys step out of the elevator. 

You quickly stand up, walking up to the boys. 

“Y/N!” they called, “oh my god, it has been forever since I last saw you!”

You giggle. Your eyes search for your husband but he was no where to be seen. 

“He’s still upstairs, talking to the producer,” Johnny says when he notices you looking around. 

You send him a smile, “I see. Are you guys going back home now?”

The rest of the boys were already walking away after tapping your shoulder to bid you goodbye without interrupting your conversation with Johnny. 

“Jungwoo and Yuta are going to get dinner, the rest of us are heading home- it has been a long day, we’re all exhausted,” Johnny says dramatically.

The boy never fails to make you smile, “I know, Mark told me about your schedule.”

Johnny smiles, “also, Mark had a rough day,” he tells you. Your eyebrows raised in curiosity. You wondered what had happen. 

“Did you know that Johnny had told Y/N about your day?”

He shakes his head, “I didn’t know, but I am thankful for him for always looking out for me.”

It was only 30 minutes later when you saw your husband step out of the elevator. Instead of his usual jog, he was stomping towards your direction. With the way he was walking and the all black outfit- it made him look even more intimidating then he already was.

Johnny was right, he definitely had a bad day today.

“Hi, baby,” you say softly, when he finally stands in front of you. You softly rub his arm, hoping it would calm him down a little, “you okay?”

Mark only hums, tugging on his bag when you attempt to take it from him. “i’ll carry it,” he says. You kept quiet, not wanting to worsen his temper. 

The both of you quietly walk out of the building. 

“Can we take a walk?” you ask, looking up at your husband.

He looks down at you and raises his eyebrows. Truthfully, he was already exhausted, but he would do anything you wanted. Mark shrugs, going with the flow.

The both of you started your walk in silence. Your husband had both hands tucked in his pockets with his lips pursed. You took multiple glances at the boy, wondering how you should comfort him. 

After hesitating for a while, you wait until he has his hands out of his pockets. When you notice that he finally has his warm hands untucked, you instantly grab it in yours. 

A smile form on your lips, when you hold on tightly onto his hands. 

“Aw, she was trying to comfort you!”

“Wanna talk about it?” you speak up, tightening your grip on his hands. 

Mark smiles, “not really, just thankful that I have you,” he says. You feel his thumb softly stroke the back of your hand, “you’re too good to me, Y/N.”

You scoff, “what do you mean? You are literally my soulmate, whenever you fall, I go down with you,” you reassure him. You nudge his shoulder with yours, “I’ll always be the shoulder you can lean on. No matter how bad it is, I’ll always be by your side.”

“How do you usually comfort Mark during his bad days?”

“He doesn’t talk about his feelings often,” you say, letting out a short chuckle. “But it’s pretty obvious, he isn’t very discreet with his emotions,” you laugh, nudging the boy next to you. 

“Depending on how bad it is, I would try to leave him alone until he calls out for me.”

“Why won’t you talk about how you feel?”

“I have always grown up with this mindset- never give off negative energy to anyone who hasn’t done anything wrong,” he blurts out. “I feel like a burden whenever I would talk about my problems to anyone- not just Y/N.”

“I feel very thankful whenever he talks about his problems,” you say to the camera. “I feel proud that I am the one he could lean on.”

Episode 50

“Mark Lee is back!” 

Series of claps could be heard from the room. 

“I heard you had received multiple awards from MAMA!”

Another agrees, “that’s right! NCT won Favourite Male Group and Worldwide Fans' Choice Top 10! Congratulations to NCT!” 

Another series of claps filled the room. 

“Thank you so much! My group wouldn’t have received the award without all the loving support from all my fans,” Mark expresses his gratitude. 

The show started with you sitting on the couch comfortably. You were deeply concentrated on watching something in front of you. 

“What is she watching?”

The camera zooms out until the casts takes notice the television planted on the wall. The casts recognizes the ceremony playing on the television. 

You were waiting for your husband’s group to start performing so you can take videos and pictures. 

After watching the ceremony, you recognize the introduction to one of your husband’s songs. You sit up straight in excitement, fishing out your phone, ready to film his performance. 

You had purposely took bad photos of your husband so you could laugh at them later with him. 

15 minutes later, the performance ended. Even though you’re backstage, you still softly clapped at the end of his performance. 

“Everytime I see Mark perform, I feel so shocked that we have such a talented guy on our show,” one of them says, making Mark chuckle. 

“He was born to be a star,” another comments.

After a few more performances by other groups, it was time for the award ceremony. 

You were extremely anxious for this. You hoped all the times that Mark had came home in the middle of the night only to leave again early in the morning or how he would injure himself but would still perform with full energy for his fans would be worth it. 

You bit your lip anxiously, your palms had turned sweaty from the long wait of the awaited name. 

“The Best Male Group of 2020 goes to...” the announcer trails off, opening the card that held the winner. 

“Congratulations to BTS for being the Best Male Group of the year!”

You let out a huff, throwing your head back tiredly. 

“You seemed really stressed,”

You nod, agreeing with them, “truthfully, I have seen Mark work really hard this year. It pained me to see him suffer so much and not being able to tell anyone.”

“Next, let’s see the nominated groups for Favourite Male Group!” says the announcer. The screen fills with different groups with their names. 

You take a deep breath, sitting up again to watch the ceremony. Your lips purse in concentration.

“The Favourite Male Group of 2020 goes to...” the announcer trails off, opening the golden card. 

A smile forms on their lips, “Congratulations to NCT for being the Favourite Male Group of 2020!”

You let out a gasp, looking at the stylists who was also watching the ceremony. 

“Oh my god!” you squeal, “they said NCT, right? I didn’t hear it wrongly, right?” you ask everyone in the room. 

The stylists nods, “its NCT!”

Your hand goes over your mouth in shock. 

“Her reaction is so adorable,”

You watch the boys walk up on stage. Taeyong is the one to step forward to give his speech, followed by Johnny in english. 

Finally your husband steps up. 

“Wow,” he starts, his fans starts to scream louder. “this is so crazy. I want to start by thanking Lee Sooman for giving me the opportunity to be part of NCT. Next, thank you to our stylist and coordinator for the awesome outfits- we would never be able to win this award without the unique outfits and make up!” 

He takes a deep breathe, “and of course, our dearest fans. Thank you for always supporting us, and giving us the opportunity to be on stage with this award,” he smiles when he hears his fans cheers. “Lastly, my wife who has always been by my side even during my ugliest side. Thank you for never giving up on me always bringing the best out of me.”

A grin forms on your lips, you soon became flustered from the coos coming from around you. 

“I can’t wait to meet our little one soon. I love you, Y/N. Thank you,” he ends his speech, stepping off stage. 

“Wait! What do you mean little one?!”

“I have been pregnant for 15 weeks now,” you say happily. “We have been trying for a baby for a while now, and we are officially having a kid soon!”

The whole casts starts freaking out. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?!” they scolded Mark. 

“We would like to ask the fans for the upmost support,” Mark adds. “With that, this would be our last episode as a We Got Married Couple.”

“This is a huge surprise!”

“We had so much memories on the show,” Mark admits. 

“I had such a fun time on here, but for now, Mark and I had agreed that we want to put all of our focus on our baby,” you added.

“Wow... this is a happy ending,” the casts says. 

“We would like to thank Mark Lee and Y/N for their contribution to the show,” they added. 

“We really enjoyed watching you and Y/N being cute!”

“Thank you so much,” Mark bow, “it was an honour to come on this show,” Mark says, “I had so much fun, thank you so much for everything.”

“Thank you so much Mark. We hope you have a wonderful journey from now on and congratulations to your first child!”

[lunar-wandering]

horseback

okay so. i may have fallen down the rabbit hole and made. an OC to ship with Wukong and Macaque-

and. i might have been encouraged and written. an entire fanfic of. Wukong teaching her how to ride a horse for fun. (and also Macaque is here too)

so uh. take....this self-indulgent stuff i guess???

i havent actually ridden a horse in like 5 years hdfkjdlkfjlsksd

---

"Could you teach me how to ride a horse?" Sel asked- and proceeded to nearly choke on her own breath laughing at the expression that came over Wukong's face. "What's with that look?"

"...I'm trying to figure out if you're making fun of me or not." Wukong said, leaning back on his cloud. "Why, exactly, are you asking me how to ride a horse?"

"Because you're the only one around here, and you're the only person I know of who has some horse experience." Sel said, before adding, "No offense intended."

"....I mean...I do know how to ride." Wukong sat up straight, pulling a bag of peach chips out of nowhere (and really, where had he gotten those, Sel had thought she and Macaque had hidden all of them during their last prank war- he better not be eating his own hair again-) and munching on them as he thought. "Why the sudden interest? Did you watch a horse movie or something?"

"I'm a selkie, Wukong." Sel leveled the Monkey King with a flat stare. "I don't exactly encounter land animals much, of course I'm curious about it."

"...You did watch a horse movie, didn't you."

"It was the only thing on TV at the time-"

-

A week later, and the both of them stood in a clearing, beside a brown appaloosa horse, Sel softly running a hand down it's neck, quietly in awe at the texture of it's fur. Wukong gave her a small smile before jumping right into the plan of the day; teaching a selkie how to ride a horse.

"Right, so first you gotta learn how to mount the horse-" Wukong took one of his hairs, creating a small step stool with it. "Since this is your first time we'll use a step stool to give you an extra boost."

"Couldn't you just lift me up?" Sel asked, getting up onto the step stool anyways.

"You want to be able to ride even when I'm not around, don't you?" Wukong asked, "It's not really that hard anyways- well, this would be easier if we had a saddle-"

"Once again, you could just magic up a saddle."

"If you can ride bareback you can ride a saddle." Wukong insisted.

"Oh, so it's like the whole driving thing- if you can drive a manual you can drive an automatic." Sel said, a smirk on her face. Wukong just looked confused.

"...I....don't know what you're talking about."

"...Wait do you not know how to dri-"

"Moving on!" Wukong interrupted, backflipping onto his cloud so that he was the same height as Sel. "Now, you can grab onto the horse's hair if you want, just try not to tug, okay? Place your hand here- yes like that- now jump up and over in one smooth motion."

"Not a very detailed explanation I see...." Sel did, but still, through some means, she managed to do get up and onto the horse.

"Alright, good- you're a little bit too far forwards though." Wukong said, and Sel scooched back a little. "Perfect- alright, now you've just gotta sit up straight!"

The glare Sel gave him was downright lethal.

"....I wasn't told there'd be posture involved here." She said, attempting to straighten her back, not doing the very best job of it.

"It's necessary- look okay, just. Raise your shoulders." Wukong said, "Now push them back to just slightly behind your ears and set them down."

Sel followed his instructions- and she had to admit, she felt a lot more comfortable on the horse now than she had before.

"Think you're ready to try moving?" Wukong asked, creating a pair of reins, as well as a long rope to lead the horse with. "Here, you've gotta hold the reins like this-"

He softly put his own hands over top of hers, and Sel smiled, holding back her want to comment on the close contact as he gently moved her hands into the right position. She'd had practice- she'd long since started tuning out how close Wukong tended to get to her. She'd never considered herself as being touchstarved, and still didn't think she was now, but the Monkey King definitely was, and she found herself feeling almost...saddened whenever he would seem to rein himself in, pulling out of hugs and leaning away from contact he had initiated, as though he was afraid she would start to dislike it. (The result of a bad experience, or the result of 500 years by himself? Sel had no idea.) Still though, she decided to welcome any form of contact with welcome arms.

Wukong must've noticed her smile though, as she could just barely see the hints of a blush on his face as he pulled his hands away.

"Uh- okay, so um, now that you've got the grip right, it's time to try moving." He said, hopping off of his cloud to stand on the ground, holding the lead in his hands. "Just- follow the horse's movements, okay? She's a pretty easy ride, not as bumpy as some horses, but you'll still want to try and move with the rhythm of the horse, okay?"

"...Okay." Sel said, and Wukong started walking, clicking his tone to cue the horse into walking as well. It was a little...weird at first, but after a bit, Sel found that she was starting to get used to it.

...She did have one question though.

"Where did you even find a horse this obedient anyways?" Sel asked, "Surely she's not wild."

"Ah- no." Wukong didn't look back at her, nor did he stop walking, and Sel couldn't help but sense that the Monkey King seemed...almost sheepish. "I- stole her from a nearby stable-"

"You what-"

"It's fine! I'm going to bring her back!" He quickly added, "The people who work there know me- it's fine."

Sel had the sneaking suspicion that it was probably not fine, but kept quiet.

-

"So am I a bonafide horse rider now?" Sel asked, after two days of Wukong helping her.

"Psh, not really." Wukong said, "I mean, you are learning rather quick, but you can't be genuinely called a true horse rider until you've fallen off your horse at least like, ten times."

"Okay???" Sel confusedly started leaning to the side, intent on sliding off. Upon seeing this, Wukong dropped the lead, the horse stopping in it's tracks immediately, as Wukong rushed to grab onto Sel's wrist, preventing her from tipping to the side.

"Not like that." He hissed, keeping his grip steady around her wrist, only letting go once Sel had righted herself. "It has to be a natural, accidental fall, the kinda thing that just happens over the years."

"..Oh." Sel said, "...It would've been nice for you to lead with that."

"I didn't think I'd have to!"

-

"Well, she's certainly picked up on this quick." Macaque said, standing beside Wukong, the two of them watching has Sel rode the horse across the field. Over the course of two weeks, she'd managed to work up to a trot (she hadn't gotten to the point of attempting a canter), and could now ride without Wukong leading the horse.

"She's a fast learner." Wukong said, "Unlike you- don't think I've forgotten how you refused to let me teach you how to ride."

"I just didn't think it was important, that's all." Macaque leaned away from Wukong slightly, noting a recognizable glint in his eyes. "...And it's still not important, I don't really need to ride at all-"

"Hey, Sel- could you come here for a moment?!" Wukong yelled, and Macaque, realizing that the other was up to something, turned around, trying to get away. He was stopped as Wukong grabbed hold of his wrist using his tail, with a surprisingly tight grip. Sel slowed the horse to a stop in front of them.

"What's up?" She asked, either not noticing or purposefully ignoring how Macaque was struggling to get out his wrist out of Wukong's grip. Wukong summoned his cloud, stepping up onto it, pulling Macaque along with him.

"I'm gonna need you to scooch back just a bit." Wukong said, and as soon as Sel had followed through- "Perfect."

He grabbed Macaque by the waist (and Macaque would firmly deny squeaking, but both Wukong and Sel knew what they had heard), lifted him up, and safely deposited him on the horse, in front of Sel. For her part, Sel immediately adjusted, wrapping her arms around Macaque to keep her hold on the reins, smirking a little at how she could feel Macaque stiffen. She couldn't see his face, but from how tense his back was (as well as the shade of pink his six ears were turning), she could gander a guess. Wukong, who was now back on the ground, holding the lead he had just created, could see the other monkey's expression though, and he outright laughed at it.

"Man- Sel, you should see his face!" He giggled, seemingly ignorant to the fact that if he was in Macaque's position he'd probably react the same way. Sel rolled her eyes.

"I don't need to see his face." She said, "I can tell by his ears just fine!"

That comment seemed to smack Macaque out of whatever stupor he'd seemingly fallen into, as in one blink, his six ears had turned back into two, the pink colour vanishing with them. Sel couldn't contain her "aw..." of disappointment, she honestly liked seeing Macaque with his glamours down. (It had taken a long time for him to even be comfortable enough to be around her with his glamours down.....she knew how much trust he was giving to her when he did so. It made her heart feel warm and fluttery on the inside- and she knew Wukong also felt the same way whenever he spied the shadow monkey with his glamours down. Still though, she couldn't fault him for putting them back up now though.)

"I hate you." Macaque hissed, and even though she couldn't see his face, Sel could just sense the glare he was giving Wukong. "I hate you both so much."

Despite what he said though, he made no attempt at getting off of the horse, staying perfectly still.

"Heh, sure, we'll pretend any of us believe that." Wukong said, and, ignoring Macaque's indignant sputtering, he turned, clicking his tongue and starting to walk, leading the horse behind him. Macaque startled, slightly off balance, and Sel pressed her arms into his a little more, to keep him from falling off.

"Relax." Sel whispered, "Neither of us will let you fall."

"Unless it's funny, of course." Wukong added, and Sel had the feeling that if her arms weren't on either side of Macaque, he would slide off the horse just to tackle Wukong.

As it was, he stayed in his position, perfectly silent.

Sel, sensing that Macaque probably wasn't really in the mood for conversation (he was probably still recovering from the shock of how he ended up in this position to be honest), let herself start daydreaming, knowing that Wukong could easily lead the horse without her needing to steer. Wukong, not willing to let there be total silence, started humming a tune that Sel couldn't quite recognize, but was still pleasant.

The moment ended as Wukong suddenly froze, the horse obediently stopping with him. Sel jolted out of her daydream from the sudden lack of movement, feeling Macaque do the same.

"...Ah." Wukong said, turning to face the both of them with a nervous smile. "Um. Sorry but uh- I may have just remembered that I. Think I promised to train with MK today?"

Macaque snorted, while Sel pulled out her phone, checking her calendar.

"...You were meant to start training with him about ten minutes ago." She said, "If you hurry up, you can probably explain it away as just having been busy with the monkeys."

Without another word, Wukong was gone, Sel feeling a slight breeze rustle her hair in the Monkey King's wake.

For a moment, both Sel and Macaque remained sitting on the horse, staring at the spot Wukong had just been standing in.

"...Sel?" Macaque asked.

"Yeah?"

"....I don't know how to get down."

[words-for-holland]

HOW TO CARE FOR A DRUNK GIRLFRIEND

Pairing : Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N may have had a little too much to drink after hanging out with her friends...At least Tom’s there to help. Here’s his guide.

A/N: Wow! Thank you guys for 500! I know I havent posted as much as before but thank you for sticking around on this Tom Holland fangirl journey with me ❤️ Enjoy! Also hi I wrote this drunk as we speak.

“Darling are you just doing a friends night or are we double dating tonight?” Tom asked, as he continued to focus on a rerun of Love Island, unsure of his girlfriends plans for a calm Friday Night. He knew Y/N’s closest friends were already dating each other, and just wanted to make sure she didnt feel like a third wheel when going out with them. Usually it wasnt the case. The three had been friends for so long, it was just in their nature to act like best friends just like Tom was with Harrison, Twuaine and Harry.

While Tom would rather have Y/N stay home and use this night to spend it cuddling with her all night long, he also knew how long it’s been since she saw them. He wanted her to have a night for herself to let loose and have fun with other people she cared about the most. “It’s just friend’s night, but youre welcome to come join us if you want.” Y/N offered sweetly as she put on the finishing touches to her outfit.

Tom smiled, shaking his head. “No, its okay. Just go out and have fun with your mates. You haven’t seen them in awhile. You three should use it to catch up. I’ll just wait for you here.” He quickly kissed her on the lips, taking in a taste of her vanilla lip gloss, and then leaving a soft kiss on her forehead before she went on her way.

5 hours passed, and Y/N’s friends dropped her home still in one piece. “Baby, Im homeeeee.” Y/N slurs as she tries her best to contain her composure, slightly wobbling to the left and the right. She grabs the edge of the table to steady herself as she makes her way close to Tom.

Tom notices the change in her demeanor and knows right away she was drunk...completely wasted. “Jesus darling. Hold on let me get you a glass of water.” He says right away, letting Y/N take a seat.

“What??Im totally fine!” She says, her eyes starting to close. “I just had a little bit of wine that Sean brought for the table. I didnt like it but it was good.” She giggles. “Did you know that I could drink a lot of alcohol?”

Tom laughs at her question as he hands her the water to drink. “I mean anyone can, but I dont think you can handle it.”

“What do you mean Im doing fantast—.” Y/N stopped mid-sentence as she felt her stomach gurgle. “Uh oh.” She says, as she makes her way to the bathroom, spilling out the contents in the toilet. “That’s disgusting.” She comments as Tom quickly held her hair up, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“Lightweight.” Tom chuckled to himself, as he continued to soothe his girlfriend.

“I heard that you dipshit. Im drunk not blind.” Y/N yells out.

Tom laughs even harder, wishing he had his phone on him to record his girlfriend’s antics. “Cmon then, lets get you cleaned up and ready for bed.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I need to pee.” Y/N comments as she gets up. “Oh my god.” She says.

Tom’s eyes widen, in fear that something might have happened. “What’s wrong?!” He asks with a slight hint of panic hiding in his voice.

“Im bleeding.” She murmurs. “Oh my god, Im bleeding!” She exclaims.

“Period too?” Tom comments, so he didnt have to just take care of a drunk girlfriend...it was a drunk girlfriend on her period, what did he do to deserve such a combination. He quickly went to grab Y/N her favorite set of pads, and a new shirt to sleep in, helping her change.

“I dont do sex on the first date.” She slurs closing her eyes. Tom smiles at her statement, as he finishes changing her. “It’s okay darling, I would never take advantage of you. And first date? Girl please, even drunk you knows we’ve been dating for a whole three years.” Tom responds in his sassiest voice.

Y/N couldn’t even comprehend half the words Tom was saying to her as she immediately laid back on the bed...only to fall three seconds later on off the bed and to the floor.

Thump

“Jesus Y/N!” Tom exclaimed helping her up. “I think I have to reconsider you going out on Friends Night without me. You’re gonna hurt yourself like this darling.”

“Noo Im fine!” She whines as she tries to fall asleep.

Tom lays with her cuddling and keeping Y/N close to him. “Sure you are.” He mumbles.

A few moments of silence pass before Y/N speaks out. “Tommy?” She whispers.

“Hmm”

“Do you...do you really think Im enough for you?” She asks. This must be her emotional drunk stage talking.

“Y/N... you are more than enough for me. You’re all I could ever ask for. Your smart, funny, creative, and a gently soul. I love you so much and despite what anyone says...You are the most perfect human being to me. I hope you remember that, sober or not. You’re the only one for me.” He says aloud, looking into her eyes.

Y/N looks at him, smiling. She puts her hand on his cheeks, stroking it ever so softly. “Thank you...I love you so much.”

Tom smiles back in return, kissing her forehead. “I love you too.”

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I re-read my post about chapters 22-30 and I realized that theres so much I just fully forgot to mention, mostly relating to the inner circle so heres a quick summary of my thoughts about each ic member now that Im about halfway through the book and have spent some time with them. To briefly recap my previous thoughts, I think their group dynamic is insanely uncomfortable because of how apparent their hierarchy is and also none of them seem to actually like each other all that much

Amren

I dont dislike her in the sense that I dont dislike her personality or the basic concept of her character, but I do hate that shes in the inner circle at all. Like, whats this eldritch creature trapped in a body thats not her own doing hanging out with all these boring people ass people FOR 500 YEARS dude, if I had to spend 500 years with Rhysand I would destroy the entire night court regardless of whether or not I had Amren-levels of power. Like, why on earth would she be satisfied playing second fiddle to Rhysand and living in an APARTMENT in his stupid °•~City of Starlight~•° when shes supposed to be like a billion years old and a thousand times more powerful than him. I feel like itd be interesting to explore that but I know that we really dont from watching cari can read's summaries, so she just ends up being a character thats supposed to be interesting because shes so mysterious but is actually so shrouded in intrigue that it turns around and she just becomes boring again

Mor

When I first met her I said that something about her bothered me but I couldnt put my finger on what it was, but that I still kinda liked her because she atleast annoyed Rhysand. She really hasnt annoyed Rhys in any way since her and Feyres first meeting so I like her less because of that and also because shes mostly just boring to me at the moment. I think another reason why I dont particularly like her is that she feels so intrinsically tied to the misogyny of this world that just suddenly materialized in this book and its really annoying, I would like to avoid that subplot as much as possible. She basically just exists to give Feyre a female friend at the Night Court and to show her that you can totally girlboss your way out of a misogynistic system! But you cant dismantle the system because uhhhhhhhh. change is like a glacier because its slow

Also, shes obviously meant to parallel Ianthe, like shes supposed to be the better version of her, but I cant even imagine her and Feyre making out sloppy style toxic yuri edition so I cant really see her as any kind of improvement. sorry

Cassian

One of my least favourite character types is Fratbro But You Put Him In A Fantasy Setting so Im not the biggest fan of this guy ngl. The one redeeming quality he has is that hes very obviously crushing on all of his friends bisexual style, especially Rhys and Azriel. Its almost a little sad but mostly its just very funny. Like whyd you wanna take their clothes at the illyrian camps so badly huh? You like seeing pretty boys squirm around naked?

Unfortunately, I know that hes gonna end up with Nesta and that hes not even gonna treat her well, my guy is gonna go from being gay because he likes men to being gay because he hates women and I am not looking forward to it

Speaking of Nessian, a lot of sjm critical anti nessian people say that Nesta and Cassian used to be so good and so genuinely romantic in ACOWAR and that their relationship got completely ruined in ACOSF and. I mean, granted they dont ever talk about Cassian behaviour towards Nesta during the meeting at her house in ACOMAF but I hated the way he was just so angry at her on Feyre's behalf when she wasnt even that mad herself, she just felt weird and bad. Of course, I havent read ACOWAR yet and I might change my mind in the future but right now, I'll just say it doesnt surprise me that Cassian would laugh at Nesta falling down the stairs

Azriel

My favourite guy!!! Out of this bunch I mean. My favourite guy in the entire ACOTAR series is probably Lucien, but if we're just talking about the jokers from the Night Court, then this guy is my favorite

I really wasnt expecting much from him, I thought he would have absolutely no personality from what Ive heard other people say about him, but hes basically exactly what I want in an edgy traumatized shadow boi. Ive talked about this before but I really dislike Rhysand and part of that is that I normally really like the archetype of the tortured edgy love interest with shadow powers but he makes it so goddamn annoying by being so flirty and cocky I just want to see him dead. But Azriel is quiet so he doesnt bothr me and also theres some intrigue about his backstory and the extend of his powes but he feels like a solid enough character that he doesnt become boring to me like Amren

I will say though, theres something particularly uncomfortable about watching anyone from the inner circle interact with him and vice versa, I think its because he seems like he doesnt actually like them more than anything else. Ive said this in a previous post, I think Cassian wants to be in a relationship good friends with him and he seems to think they have some good sunshine guy/grumpy guy banter going on but to me it just seems like Azriel genuinely dislikes him. And then he obviously doesnt trust Amren and I feel like hes in love with Mor and has been for a really long time but doesnt actually like her, I honestly feel like hes just sticking by Rhysand because he feels like he owes him and because it gives him an excuse to be close to his crush

Yknow, that I think about it maybe thats why I like him so much. I dont like the Inner Circle, he doesnt like the Inner Circle, thats a relatable king right there

[tobi-momo]

APPRECIATION POST [500]

whew this is gonna be long-

i just wanted to say that im very thankful for everyone that ive met on this app and that all of you guys make me feel so accepted and appreciated here- i wasnt fond of my own writings even though ive been doing it for years bc i didnt think i would go anywhere but yall make me feel like i can and it means the world to me <3 anyways lets get on with it

first of all i want to thank my best friend for telling me to get this app bc wattpad fucking sucks and i needed actually good shit to read (she shall remain unnamed bc i dont think she'd want to be mentioned here lol) but yeah thank you bitch ily <3

@todorkihoee mom 🥺*sniff* im really happy i became friends with you in the server bc holy shit youre awesome and you give me so much confidence in my writing and you make me feel validated as a person *sniff*

@toosharkinternet you were literally my first ask, my first tumblr friend and im so glad that you were bc omglkjfsdf i literally love you sm im so happy we started talking<33

@alpha3113 & @flattykawadoorusmilkbread yall have been my friends since the beginning like penny ^ and i appreciate you guys so much like i cant even express how much you guys mean to me :)

@somberess step mommy 😩 you also make me feel happy to be me like todo and im super glad that we became friends and i love worshiping you and your art and your relationship with todo and all that shit its just super fun and youre amazing to just vibe with <3

@combat-wombatus WOMBABTTJDD I LITERALLY LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU SIS 🥺🥺 i cant even express to you how much you mean to me honestly i love brainstorming with you and hearing your ideas and i get so excited when you proofread my stuff bc i honestly feel so honored to have an author like you approve of my works youre jsut an awesome person all around ilysm

@hitosushi THEOOOASKDASL ILY SMMMM YOU ARE SO FULL OF AMAZING ENERGY AND AWESOME VIBES and whenever you put italics in your writing makes me cackle everytime i swear-

@solar3lunar @blackweebtrash @katsumiiii @angiebug101 @yvesvante @duskjelly @rosetheshapeshifter @moxie-elle @mads-fairy @cloudytamaki @koishiguro @silkylious @peanutbutterstuffedbagels yall are the funnest people ever istg- i know i havent talked much with all of you but you guys are so awesome to talk to and just vibe with honestly i love the energy yall have you guys all mean a lot to me thank you guys <3

@iicekking UGH ICYYYY ILYSM THANK YOU FOR OBSESSING OVER FAIRYTAIL AND HORIMIYA WITH ME IM SO HAPPY THAT WE DO THAT TOGETHER IT MAKES MY DAY ALL THE FRICKEN TIME MAN YOURE THE BEST <333

@shinsousliya BABE I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SM YOUR TALENT IS TO DIE FOR AND IM SO HAPPY YOU WATCH FT TOO AND I LOVE HOW WE TALK AB IT ALL THE TIME UGH ITS THE BEST <333 plus your oc's ???? literally amazing

@pies-writes-and-more @thisnoodlewritesao3 @elektrosonix YOU GUYS ARE SO SUPPORTIVE ISTG I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH I CANT- first of all your guys' talent is literally beautiful i could kill to have that and you guys are so nice and supportive and im so happy im friends with yall it makes me so happy <3

@maemi324 thank you sm for giving me advice and reminding me its not the end of the world im so greatful for you seriously- plus i love your writing and yeah just thank you

i also want to thank all of my mutuals that weren't mentioned here- i could write paragraphs for each one of you and i really thank you guys for wanting to get to know me and stuff i cant tell yall how much that means to me 🥺

MY CHARACTER ANONS!!! I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO RP WITH ME UGH YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING THE REAL OG'S

and my followers!!! im so happy a lot of you guys interact with me and like what i write it makes my day srsly <3 you guys all mean a lot to me you guys dont even know <333

anyways

thats it

pls ik its super cringy and shit but pls bear with me i hit 500 followers and i feel super soft ab it 😭

[girlbossing-through-the-misogony]

Tw: calories and ed stuff

In: 1818 Out: 3400 Net: -1582

Lunch: pasta (400), cake (800) and apple (53)

Went hiking so burned off 1000kcal so i didnt feel bad about eating. I started a 24 hour fast BUT THEN

Social food: passionfruit rubicon (65) and stuff (500)

I hadnt talked to one friends for litterally half a year, always texting her on snap but her being busy or somethin. She put on her story to come down to (place). I was like im coming and shd was like bring water so i bought a rubicon whicb we shared. Thrn we walked around (there was one other girl who i also havent talked to in ages) and decided to go to my place.

Back last summer when we hung out (before my ed) we made tuna pasta and she wanted to do that. I was like oh no but then said fuck it my ed isnt taking this away from me. I made them tomato and cheese pasta, fries and carrot sticks with salsa. We had a great time

Ik it looks awful but the lightings just bad

Then we walked around again, vaped (i bought the blueberry vape), caught up and pushed eachother around in trolleys. Idk why but people steal trolleys from shops

Thats me btw. I used that sticker cos its like those shittig deep images about mental illness

[kk-dirge]

OK so i beat legends (aka got the credits) so here’s my pokeau thoughts, as expected

warning for legends story spoilers roughly recounted in a pokeau lens, no aftergame spoilers bc im tired and havent gotten there

preface ; the gang just kicked ramiel’s ass but the entire thing stressed ridley out so bad combo’d with aster triggering a ptsd attack caused ridley to throw themselves 500 years in the past and creating a fractured, alternate past.

the legends world is more of a pocket space than anything, a copy of 500 years ago but some dude who thinks theyre washed up in their early 30′s is there (ridley)

ridley is stuck for roughly 2 months and time in the normal timeline moves on without them there - so they’re considered a missing person in the main world

im going with the canon ~500 years now because kamado mentioned they went to sinnoh to escape war and conflict, which also happens to align with when aurelien was setting everything on fire in the pkau timeline

so yada yada ridley gets picked up and thrown into team galaxy. they dont really like it much at first because of trauma related to being a trainer but then their cyndaquil looks at them and theyre like ‘fuck’.

they started off as a pokedex artist but was moved to field work after they beat up too many people in battle and kamado was like ‘yes lets send the person with chronic fatigue out for this job because they are good at battling. what could possibly go wrong’

ridley meets the diamond gang and adaman is kinda like :eyes: at ridley’s phone like ‘wtf is that’ and ridley , being stressed out of their mind, lets it slip that they’re the emissary of dialga and adaman is immediately like ‘ok. we’re besties now.’ despite ridley emphasizing they seemed to have overcharged/lost their ability to manipulate time - adaman seems determined to help them get it back

so everyone runs around aimlessly for a while, ridley deals with the lords and uses their ability of being adaman’s new favorite person to get him to get along with irida more and general have everyone be friends

ridley is starting to feel more confident in themselves , they’re still dealing with fatigue but being more active has helped, they’ve formed important bonds with people and pokemon. they do however cry at least once a week about the fear of being unable to ever return home

so the whole defeating all 5 lords thing happens, and ridley causes their fractured timeline to become more unstable - kamado thinks this is on purpose and kicks them out so they hang out with adaman until volo is like ‘BRO WE GOTTA GET THE RED CHAIN’

because this is a fractured alternate space the lake trio still exist (and havent re-merged with arceus yet) so they go and have some introspection there i guess

then they go up tha mountain and are like ‘cool time to throw the red chain at the hole in the sky’ . however, like when ridley was 11, it turns on them and reactivates their godly powers and they’re struggling to control them. but with the power of ~friendship~ . adaman and irida talk ridley down from losing control and killing everyone (again).

so ridley is like ‘sick i feel like ive finally harnessed and realized my power for things other than speedy art commission delivery’ HOWEVER they kinda forgot they arent the only sinnohan legend , and because this world is a fractured distortion created by ridley , palkia is a horse plinko fractured distortion as well. not a true legend, but more like a manifestation of their insecurities. they have a cool epic god battle and ridley wins and everyone is happy :)

[insert aftergame here i havent played it yet but i know something happens]

anyways after everything is REALLY dealt with ridley starts thinking about home more and more since they regained their powers and now have the ability to go home - but their new friends dont want to see them leave and ridley has Big Conflicted Moment. however, they end up deciding they want to go home, as painful as it is. 

but adaman butts in and is like ‘hey can i come with. i think it’d be cool mai dont burn down the house while im gone!’

so ridley is like -heavy sigh- and takes adaman with them to THE FUTURE and reunites with everyone and its happy the end

[garbagequeer]

Do you have any favourite destiel fanfictions?

i gotta be honest here and make it clear that my attention span has been shot to shit lately so much of what ive read these days ive basically skimmed and jumped aroud different parts and stuff AND im a sucker for domesticity also i havent gone back to check out whatever i have bookmarked from 500 years ago so. that said i really liked:

some thoughts you have while falling (1500 words) literally what it says on the tin. cas centric as in this is just cas’s thoughts but like is it not about a gay little angel falling and thinking about how it is brave to have a human life to age to remember and to go to the grocery store

to change the things we can (2k) 15x18 fix it. what if... you made a deal w the empty and i didnt let it take you... and i did this through the world’s weirdest hug. haha jk..unless

conversations with the living (3500 words) 15x18 fix it dean and sam talk about The Childhood Trauma of it all and dean accepts love 

a love of all things that grow (5k) cas starts a garden and dean builds him shit and cas is like. well he must not like me very much like. girl he MADE you a little bench just big enough for 2 hello?? i love it when it’s busy at the secret underground bunker and the gay angel gets insecure

occursus (5k) dean and cas discuss the handprint and i am so endeared by cas here cause thats just dean girl shit

a real chore (5k) human cas dean has to like. learn not to be overbearing and let people help him out and handle their own lives. may we all project

bron-yr-aur (5k) missing scenes for that time dean and jack went fishing. not dean/cas centric but literally they are coparenting a little guy and it’s the sweetest shit imo

a river leads you home (10k) dean comes back home after the shit w michael w cas’s handprint from 2008 back on his shoulder and his scar from michael on the other. please look away from my personal feelings about dean’s possession arc

cuckoo and nest (10k) established relationship. dean is particular about his space. cas takes it to mean he’s not welcome to stay and dean is afraid he’ll leave cause that’s just what they do theyre just so dumb

under the same sun (14k) finale heaven fix it but dean and charlie get to hang out and talk about cas so dean can begin to get his head out of his ass. cas and dean do household chores in literal actual heaven like. for the hell of it 

the family business (15k) sometimes we must indulge in post finale fix it fics where dean kills his father

crazy diamonds (25k) 2008 dean and 2018 who is in a relationship w cas swap places. wish 2008 cas (who is not taking it well at all obviously) was in this more but otherwise a good time

on drowning (29k) human cas has a near death experience yay

where the weeds take root (30k) THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER IN SOME FARMHOUSE??? CAS WANTS TO RAISE CHICKENS LIKE. THATS WHAT I THOUGHT YOUD SAY YOU GAY FUCKING ANGEL...

and this your living kiss (57k) i usually hate aus but this is THE au. basically dean used to be a published poet under a pseudonym and cas is a lit professor whose poetry class dean decides to attend (no weird teacher/student dynamics it’s all very normal). draws parallels to dean and cas’s arcs in canon in a great way through teaching and writing tbh and dean’s complicated relationship with his dead piece of shit dad is depicted really well too

im probably forgetting some but well. look at me posting destiel fic recs in 2020 who would’ve thought? not me!