#i feel like we dont need to steal art from ppl to make those

[toytulini]

also

[eliluminado7]

im writing my broad opinion on AI art now that im on an autistic tangent about it. im kinda cooked from yesterday so sorry if i dont make much sense

my issue with (serious) A‎I art is not because of moral or ethical implications arising from the technology itself, but rather from the general userbase itself. like i believe most of us can fucking tell if something's ai generated when we see it right. Bear in mind i said serious AI art. you know i love a good sei‎nfel‎d screenshot of je‎rry and kra‎mer going into the void or geo‎rge dressed as a coss‎ack

anyways generally speaking the kind of people generating those serious illustrations are all either 1. recycled nftbros 2. porn freaks or 3. children. And im gonna be real i do not like that kind of AI art even if its just a harmless illustration of a pokemon or whatever. to me it feels like those ppl are either kids who i Do Not Think should be on the net, or basement dwelling deviantart incels who are like 'Computer generate se‎xy gard‎evoir vo‎re infla‎tion fe‎et pics'. the kind of people who wouldve had no problem stealing others' art. just sayin.

well actually theres a fourth category and those are companies and public institutions that use AI art (often as some sort of money laundering scheme, if i may add) and those are the ones ACTUALLY hurting artists because You See you could be actually hiring someone instead of using fucking midjourney or bing. this is a very common practice here in spain even if it ends up looking like literal shit, see:

also theres this yearly art contest in either val‎encia or cata‎lunya where ppl submit illustrations of snails and this year's winner was a very blatantly AI generated pic created by some turkish individual who is rumored to not even exist. its a rabbit hole but looking up bedhiran akagündüz (or, likewise, rubén lucas garcía) should set you on the right track

Now let me be clear: i vehemently hate anti-ai luddites and picrew fandomites and ive always been very vocal about this. and quite frankly im tired of the moral panic steeming from anything AI-generated as if it was the antichrist!!!!! you all just sound reactionary as fuck. AI art is certainly not stealing from you and the only exceptions to this rule are very very very blatant copies, and you almost never see those unless were talking about nft-adjacent ponzi scheme websites. would you consider collages theft? music samples? AI just draws "inspiration" (for lack of a better word) from the illustrations that it is fed because its like a tabula rasa and it needs knowledge, just like us human beings are inspired by other people's artstyles. the end product is something that doesnt even look similar to the data it is fed because it is an amalgamation of different styles that create something unique. is that theft? be for fucking real

this stupid myth about the brutal energy consumption of AI art generation as well as the whole ‘did you know that every time you generate one picture youre wasting an entire bottle of water????’ argument... im sorry to say none of that is true. ai isn't even the most water-intensive sector if we're comparing it with other industrial sectors like petroleum/coal factories or wineries or paperboard mills. training datasets IS resource-intensive but its normally a one-time process, inference (which is what you use daily) is not any less efficient than looking something up on google for example:

this whole 'carbon footprint' bullshit that has been sold to us is just a tactic to divert attention from the actual polluters which are corporations like coca-cola or exxon or bp. You know this you get your praxis from this website.

regarding the whole 'AI is theft' argument, im just going to share these tags that someone left in another post i made:

like a clear example of anti-ai panic actively hurting artists is the backlash that oka‎me-p, a voc‎aloid artist, got for using AI generated illustrations as the ACCOMPANIMENT for his songs:

and to be honest this is a huge problem regarding western voc‎afans who often have the emotional maturity of a peanut. youre so so so hellbent on demonizing others just for using a technology that is widely available to everyone, that youre willing to throw them under the bus and delegitimize everything they do just because it hurts your feelings well im not going to fucking stay quiet about that

who do you think youre talking to you stupid fucking bitch. god this person makes me so mad.

Anyways my point is: ai is like acupuncture; just like the latter can be used to treat or alleviate different ailments but it cant completely treat cancer like modern medicine would; AI can be complimentary, but it can NEVER replace actual labor. its merely a worktool! its merely meant to automatize daily tasks!!! its not your enemy i promise. Ok im tired of writing goo buh buh

[kunalkarankapoor]

To: Many more milestones..... 🎉 Kunal Karan Kapoor ji, we admire your hard work and sincerity toward your craft, the passion and intensity in which you perform, the way you step into any character's mind-set by looking beyond the script, the way you add nuances and always makes sure your character becomes multi-dimensional. We are extremely proud of you! All the struggles and everything that comes with being an artist, still you keep that spark and that fire alive.....hats off to you 👏👏We love you ❤️ Digital Art by: @gokul_prathap 😀👌 Thank you @_vaishalibhatia_ @gows_qn078 @duskyhues @priyark31 @sharvarihsathe @laxmirani1982 @muthugomathi_v @kunalkkapoor_forever @thakshan9219 ❣️

The best surprises are the small unexpected one. When you just want to let someone know, that you here for them. Few fans got together and planned this small surprise for Kunal Karan Kapoor. Big Thanks to @payalrao333 🙏 You are a star ⭐

Choc cupcakes 6pcs Coffee almond tea cake 1 loaf Mixed herb foccacia bread 

Thank you @_vaishalibhatia_ @gows_qn078 @duskyhues @priyark31 @sharvarihsathe @laxmirani1982 @muthugomathi_v @kunalkkapoor_forever @thakshan9219 ❣️ for being part of this surprise 😀 .

Congratulations🎉 @kunalkarankapoor jhi.. Happy one year of #theraikarcase thriller web series🔥.. Dear Jaan! You are the root of acting! You are touching the highest peak to this day with your acting skills. You are flying with your acting skills !. You are the giver of curiosity and expectation, and you are the giver of it. I am still traveling with your acting with that enthusiasm.. I am still searching for those precious words and greetings in my dictionary today to praise you. Your acting involvement transcends those greetings and words. Mohit is one of the characters of the actor I was amazed to see like that. This is also one of the best in the acting of your different figures. I look forward to seeing more of you like this.. I pray to God to move forward in his endeavors as you do today, to live a long life, to live happily and healthily, and to see many successes. My heartfelt congratulations to my dear #kunalkarankapoor #mohitnaikraikar in #theraikarcase 🔥the character I have always admired !. #kunalkarankapoorweloveyou ❤️ - Gows

9th April 2021. Let's rewind.. n go back to 9th April 2020. There was such happiness, curiosity, impatience in the mind of all your fans. There was a reason why fans were in a state of frenzy.. Well..... our prince was making a comeback in a new web series.. which was a different genre for u. Finally after an excuirating wait... 'The Raikar Case' debuted on voot. Many of yours binged watched the series.. I wanted to see more of ur scenes... but then realizes that ur working with stalwarts @Atul sir and Ashvini bhave..there was so much to learn from them. Finally the moment arrived.. 'mohit naik raikar'made an appreance.. it was like time stood still. After few seconds I realized it was U and it reinforced the fact that you are a fine artist. A man who has been neglected since childhood from both his dad and mom.. dad had made a decision that the baton will be carried forward by etasha (your sis).. you were manipulated by your mother.. my reading of ur character was... that all ppl around u... were milking u for their own selfish needs. You never got the love n affection from ur dad. You craved for it..and I think that was the reason why u turned to hansal mehra.. It was he who filled up the void in ur life. The break down scene....where all ur defences crumbled and hugged ur father.. brought tears in my mind. And ur performance sent shivers down my throat.. And when sakshi (mom) gives u spiked milk.. I got a feeling u know what will happen next ..the ending was a cliffhanger.. We really want a season 2 of #Theraikarcase Dear @kunalkarankapoor u never fail to amaze me by ur brilliant performance.. many of us dont shift their eyes... when ur there on screen.. ur so captivating.. itna sara talent (touchwood).. Happy first anniversary of 'TheRaikarCase'. - Dusky

1 YEAR OF MOHIT NAIK RAIKAR

It's always a pleasure to see @kunalkarankapoor onscreen. He is one of those brilliant actors in the industry who has the ability to connect the audience to the story and the character. You can almost read the character's mind through his eyes. You can feel the character through him. Mohit was a twisted character with a lot of complexities. You can understand from the very first scene that Mohit is carrying some baggage. There's something that is tearing him apart from inside. He is wearing a mask of calmness but his eyes are telling a different story. Infact, The mysteries, pain and gulit suppressed in him making him restless. Mohit's relationship with both his parents is complex. He is ignored by his father and controlled or rather used by his mother. Mohit knew his mother was wrong but still couldn't revolt because she was his weakness and Sakshi took of that. He doesn't want to loose the attention and love of another parent. In front of Etasha he was often seen loosing his patience. The pain and the torment suddenly becomes visible in his eyes in those moments. Very naturally, he also craves the love and attention that Etasha gets from their father and hence he has a feeling of jealousy towards his sister. Parents play a very important role in shaping the relationship of siblings and here Yashwant and Sakshi made their relationship worse. Even though Mohit had a family but still he was lonely. And to make that loneliness even worse guilt and innumerable secrets made his existence even more painful. And in the last episode he broke down in front of his father in the hope of some solace but he was left alone again. All Mohit wanted and needed was acceptance and love which he never got from his family.

Kunal sir portrayed all these complexities and turmoil's in Mohit's life just brilliantly. He didn't have many scenes or dialogues but his eyes were enough to make us empathize with Mohit. - Happy_escapism

Congratulations @kunalkarankapoor for #theraikarcase one-year anniversary You #kunalkarankapoor sir deserve the bestest... Congratulations my super hero @kunalkarankapoor and the whole team for #theraikarcase first year anniversary . It's been an year still I couldn't get out of Mohitnaikraikar ... This character was so much different from the other characters #kunalkarankapoor sir has portrayed ...I totally loved and enjoyed myself watching #kunalasmohit ... It was such a pleasure to watch Mohitnaikraikar .. sir has given so much justification to the character .he breathed life into Mohitnaikraikar ...as a neglected ...manipulated...child also in showing /emoting anger...guiltyness ..hatred...in a same scene without much dialogue ..he is just wowwwww.... Such a talented artist ...he is an artist to be cherished forever ...mark this .... He is so gifted ...taking up the whole show on his shoulders / stealing the complete attention on the whole show - Kunal is the mastero in it ....he himself is just enough to take the show to the next level ..congrats my hero ❤️❤️for being awesome as Mohitnaikraikar ... - Kunalkkapoor_forever

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒂𝒑𝒖 (@kunalkkapoor_forever)

First of all Heartiest Congratulations @kunalkarankapoor ❤️🎊🎉✨💕..it's 1st year Anniversary of your first Webseries debut #theraikarcase 🔥👏.... honestly "thank you" is a very small word to praise you 😍 🥰 and trust me I am still searching top most pretentious words to express my gratitude for you and your acting skills 💕👏..You are the origin of Acting...You are on that pinnacle of Art where sometimes you don't even needs words or dialogues....your Expressions and Emotions are highly enough to reach that vertex of your portray 🙏❤️... MohitNaikRaikar is such a portray who everytime leaves me awestruck enforcing me to see that character with new angle & my curiosity level rises tremendously high...I admire your layered & complex Mohit Personality by heart ❤️ .I definitely would love to watch more of you working in this gesture 🔥would love to feel you more deeply in every of your portray...In fact I love and will love permanently to travel through your milestone characters you have gifted us till now 💕🌠🌷rather it will be my best journey ever❤️.....I wish you all the success for your bright life achieving what you have dreamt of....you will always be in my prayers and I pray to God 🙏 for your healthy,wealthy,happy Life conquering a huge success like a KING 👑❤️... Once again Many Many Congratulations to Dear @kunalkarankapoor 💗😘 #mohitnaikraikar in the Thriller Webseries #theraikarcase 🔥🙌 with loads of Love ❣️🌈🌟-  sharvarihsathe

Kunal Karan Kapoor’s instastory 09.04.21

[jensungf]

nooo pls dont post less!!!!!! i need your cute lil posts about everything 😔🥺 yes cancer sun moon leo!! thats me uwu n i watch football a LOT LOT i love it so much, but its the kind that americans call soccer btw hahaha culture difference ✨ n no its not my bday!! its taeyongs bday!!! but we didnt go for lunch bc of that (or maybe we did 🤔) but my friend n i are quite close so we went for lunch bc of that!!! n also!! no need to be productive? whos that anyway, idk her :p red anon p1 💃

sooo for things i got!! some new converse shoes (black ones), an nct album 🙈 (pulled the bday boy uwuwuwu), handcream, somestickers n some cards bc im almost out of birthday cards to send/give! n yes i stan some other groups!! my faves are day6, red velvet n got7, but theres many more that i like! especially girlgroups hihi, basically day6 got7 and nct21 are the only boys i stan and i like to write but i dont publish it much bc im an insecure potato n theres an about me carrd if you dig p2/3 💃

omg this is becoming such a spam HAHAHAHAHAH ive been on tumblr for years upon years, although this account is on the newer side!! also i remembered i LOVE ITZY SO MUCH theyre definitely also in my faves! i think i also said in my deleted ask that i had been working on a header for a story ill most likely wont write skskskks how do you find motivation/inspiration uwu do you have any plans for today!! -red skirt anon 💃

ima put my response underneath hehe to avoid spamming ppls dash <3

ur so cute bub ily my posts are deadass shit posts but ok <333 excuse me if im being a bit dry hksdhjs im half awake like always hehe and i will be on the lookout for that 😳😳 and hakjd i figured hehe but omfg do u play football? and thats so cute nonetheless!!! i hope u n ur friend had fun hehe taeyong’s spirit appreciates ur hangout dedicated to him <3 and unfortunately i have chores to do and errands to run :cc and OMGGG YAY THOSE R ALL GOOD SPENDS OMG but thats so much money bub?? ru rich 😳😳😳 chenle vibes my dear

hahaha jk ofc but i havent had black converse since my emo phase when i was 11 omg i bet they look so cute on u! i prefer black chuck taylors/hightops hehe wbu bub? also which album did u buy!!! ur blessed by the bday boy himself how adorable 🥺 ooo do u get any specific brand or scent of hand cream? i rly like the tonymoly rose scented ones haha but i ran out :c and i LOVE STICKERS my little sister has a lot and i always steal from her!! she usually uses them in her bujo haha do u use them for fun or on ur art/bujo? and thats so cute omfg stocking up on bday cards is something kinda traditional no one does anymore but thats so cute <333 i admire ur tast ein doing things

omg i dont stan any of those groups besides got7 and unfortunately i havent stanned any gg since sistar disbanded but who r ur biases bub?? ive listened to some day6 but if u have any recs lmkkkk and rv r queens <3 and ive heard about itzy!! i dont know too much about them but theyre all stunning and iconic queens (ive seen ryujin and lia hahaha) 

omg bub ur not an insecure potato,, i would lov to read ur writings and i bet theyre amazing! everyone has room for improvement but dont be shy hehe im sure ur writings would pique everyones interest! and time to go digging thru all my moots again round 2 hhhh 

and its ok hehehe thats pretty cool! ive been on tumblr since like,, 2015 or sum but like i fell out for two yrs and remade in march this yr haha so i feel u and OMG HEADERS i had the most trouble making headers cus i usually find a random pic of them i think is nice and slap on some txt using canva and call it a day!! id love to see ur header!! what do u use to make it?? (++ pls write a story for it i would love to read it 🥺🥺) and honestly idk sometimes inspo randomly hits and my motivation fluctuates!! like rn my wip is flopping cus i dont have any motivation to sit down and write but some of my other stories are spur of the moment writings hahah like better together or jsmr bc i was watching jenos jsmr fails or i fell off my bike and i decided to get inspired while sitting on the couch ahkdhfks so i think its diff for everyone!

and no hehe i dont besides doing stuff online for my fam and /hopefully/ making progress on my wip :c wbu bub???

[perfcell]

Do you have any tips or pieces of advice for someone who's looking to start up an rp blog for a character? I have plenty of experience roleplaying, but none of it is with tumblr.

//OH sure sure !! 

lets get the technical stuff out first, make the account for your new blog in advance, before you prepare anything else because tumblr has this anti-bots security system in place which doesnt allow new blog’s posts to show up in the tags (and tags such as #indie rp, #anime rp, #insert show here rp are pretty important in getting ur blog out there). you’ll also have to follow some people, get followed back by at least one, reblog+like some posts before your stuff starts showing up in the tags

of course u can disregard the whole promotion thing and just follow people and wait for them to follow you back, but if u want new people to find you without you actively looking for them, its good to drop something in the rp tag. but again, you dont have to do any of this.

ALSO IM PUTTING THE REST UNDER READ MORE BC IT GOT LENGTHY:

so heres stuff you can prepare (or not, its totally up to you !!)

icons - a relict of dreamwidth era , not necessary but i find that they add some zest to the interactions so personally, im a fan. usually 100px x 100px u can make them fancy or not, your choice. just get some basic facial expressions (but again, you dont NEED them)

themes - some rpers pay a lot of attention to blog themes, i used to be like that but tbh rn i dont think anything beats a nice basic theme w/ a readable font. hit up theme hunter and snag a theme u like !!! OR DON’T, thats totally up to you !!! 

also you can set your blog to dash only in the blog’s settings which means u dont have to bother w/ a theme !! its a popular thing in rpc nowadays !!!

oh and just a hint – id avoid using somebody’s art for icons or elements of theme… i mean sure u can credit them but hardly anybody looks at credits so idk id just avoid it altogether cuz the artists dont like that and theyre absolutely right. i used to use peoples art for icons and i had some artists reach out to me and ask that i dont do that and tbh now i cringe at my past-self for not seeing that its soo disrespectful of the artists

what to put on blog: 

about page - its a page where rpers put some basic information about the character they write as. it can be super important if youre writing as an OC (not many people will follow an OC if they dont know anything about them tbh) !!! if youre writing a canon character u can just resort to filling out a basic dossier (like listing their name, age, whatever… YOU CAN USE THIS and fill out what u like). or you know, do whatever. on cell, i just wrote a piece of Something and linked his wikipedia page lol. do what you feel like, its just a thing in rp community. 

rules page - slightly more important. this is where you set boundaries and introduce yourself ooc. after introductions ur expected to tell people what’s NOT ok by you, for example, you say that godmodding is not ok (godmodding is when people write in their own responses what ur character is doing), maybe shipping is not ok by you, maybe u dont want to write smut ever etc. you put all of that there and any additional info you feel the need to add (for example, asking people to tag certain triggers etc). try to browse other peoples rules pages to get the feel 

verses page - some blogs have a lot of specific verses like idk, an AU in which ur character is evil etc. this is a page where u can put them and add descriptions, UP TO YOU. i find that its less important than about or rules page, focus on those 2 first, especially the rules page bc its what people usually check out first before writing with u!! add verses later !!!

how to start an rp blog: 

OK so lets say you’re prepared and ready to write. i usually post a promo to announce my Arrival to the rp market. take a look at what’s in the indie rp tag for example, just to give you an idea what ppl post there. it used to be REQUIRED to post like… a graphic advertising ur blog but tbh these days u can just drop a text post (preferably with ur icon so that people know which character u write) and you say smth like ‘HELLO, a new (character here) RP blog here!!! like/reblog if youre interested in writing with me!!’ (ofc write whats natural to you, just introduce ur blog in whatever way u feel like it– OR DONT, YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS)

BEFORE POSTING A PROMO MAKE SURE YOUR POSTS SHOW UP IN TAGS FIRST. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FOLLOW SOME PEOPLE FIRST (refer to this) – where to find those rp blogs?? refer to tags below.

what to tag your promo with: remember that only 5 first tags will show up in the search results. so pick some good tags, i think the most important tag is #(show/movie/books name) rp. heres my promo, u can check the tags i used there and come up with your own accordingly. and also browse these tags to find people to follow, like idk, lets say u wanna rp sb from naruto, then u hit up #naruto rp and just scroll and follow ! also avoid using swear words or nsfw words in ur promo bc tumblr will censor it lol

but remember YOU DONT HAVE TO POST A PROMO, THIS IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU !!!!!

how to start WRITING on an rp blog:

ok so youve gathered some followers, now what. i usually just post a starter call! this is a post that people who want to write with you will like and you in turn will start a thread with them (doesnt have to be IMMEDIATELY, take ur time). you can also reblog rp memes which are like writing prompts people send to you (but i dont recommend starting ur rp blog w/ a memes barrage, people usually want to get to know your blog a little bit more before they send you a prompt). 

you can also wait for other people to post starter calls and then you like them (but check their rules first !!! for example, most people have a rule about being mutuals only, which means they will write you something only if youre following each other back), which also works. 

AND THATS HOW IT GOES !!! you are now writing on an rp blog. remember to take it easy and do what feels natural !!! browse some other rp blogs to get Inspired (but dont just lift things, stealing is a big no-no in the community). do what you feel comfortable with, if you dont want to make icons then dont! you’ll always find somebody who’ll write with you without icons (we just rly like them lol). be patient with others and yourself, read peoples rules, be nice, dont reblog an rp meme without sending a prompt to the person youre reblogging from (thats called reblog karma, if you dont wanna send a prompt then rb from the source), put yourself out there and UHH have fun !

[6ad6ro]

how do u make friends and become a "personality" on tumblr? i dont mean being tumblr famous, im just pretty lonely. asking u since u seem to have a few

oh gosh i’m surprised you think of me as havin friends n bein a tumblr personality! that’s kinda a compliment so ty! tho lol i might not be as popular as u think tbh? tho i guess i have an okay number of followers and the ppl i’m close to on here are SO AWESOME n i love them? BUT OKAY! i’ll tell u how i went about makin friends on tumblr! btw don’t be afraid to dm me like i’ll be your friend! i’m super shy but like rly friendly so?? ANYWAYS here’s what i did:1. be yourself even if you think ppl won’t like you. you rly shouldn’t care about the ppl who don’t like u bc they’d prob never like you? and being urself helps you feel good about yourself and is REALLY attractive to ppl who might end up following you. be real. it’s your blog, so don’t, for example, let some mean anon tell u how to run your blog.2. that doesn’t mean being insensitive tho! i’m constantly tryin to be as fuckin nice as i can within reason. and oh yeah tag stuff like “flashing” or “nsfw” or “gore” etc even if you use custom tags (i use “h” for nsfw bc i don’t wanna get flagged lol). and don’t repost stuff on here without direct permission. it’s like stealing. and don’t delete captions off of original art (but u can remove a rebloggers captions all day).3. post your own “content” whether it be text posts or pictures u took or art u make or edits or finds off other sites! even if u think it’s too dumb, i promise u there’ll be a buncha ppl who will like it. i thought my gifs were trash and then one day one wound up on tumblr’s “radar’ (or whatev it used to be called). MAKE SURE U TAG YOUR POSTS. it’s fine to not tag reblogs unless they’re something ppl are sensitive about (flashing,gore). it’s fine to just reblog other’s stuff btw like ppl still love blogs like that (that’s most of tumblr tbh).4. your follower count doesn’t matter. the number of notes on posts you make don’t matter. it’s so easy to fall into viewing those numbers as a sign of “how cool u are/how much ppl like you”. don’t start posting things u don’t care about just bc u notice ppl like it. just be yourself. ppl will come anyways.5. talk to people. write little comments on ppls posts. respond to ppl. take the risk and direct message someone (be considerate tho. like if u have a crush on someone don’t open with “i wanna fuck u” lol). if you want friends, be friendly.6. THIS IS IMPORTANT THO. tumblr is easily the shyest community i’ve ever encountered. and this is coming from someone who has agoraphobia (or rather a fear of people). even if someone follows you back and likes all your posts… they might not respond to you. THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY HATE U OR DON’T CARE. a lot of them just… can’t? ur msg very easily made them really happy. sometimes ppl like that just need time. i won’t lie, of the hundreds of ppl i’ve tried to start conv with? maybe only 10% of them even replied. if you’re like me the voice in ur head will tell you “oh they hate you you weirded them out ur awful”. ignore that dumbass voice. that 10% who responded? or responded later? are some of my best friends on here. IT’S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT.take the risk. talk to people. rejection can hurt, but it’s just like a little scratch compared to the gushing wound we cause ourselves by not trying. see, look at this stupid long unintelligible post i just wrote. and i somehow still have a bunch of friends and followers? i’m a huge idiot, but turns out that everybody else is too thank god. so just be yourself and have fun!oh and it takes time btw. like i’ve been active on here since 2012 lol. give people time to find u and respond to you. hope it helped even if it was just a little!

[mysticorigamipaper-mcl]

honestly the worst part about kentin´s arc is how much hate he is getting, i get most ppl already dont like him but now is fucking ridiculous i literally cannot go to his tag on a normal episode without reading "how awful" he is but now is worst,i just want to see cute fanart! I hate the tumblr mcl fandom, the hispanic fandom will make fun of things and even say they dont like a character but it never overflows with negativity (ik im super annoying but i need to vent and have no friends)

*hugs* You have a friend in me anon. You’re not being annoying, and venting can help one feel a little better. I’m sorry to hear there’s more negativity towards Kentin and his fans. And I also realized a while back there was little positivity towards him in the tumblr fandom. I try to give all the boys some attention through posts and fan art on my blog to share with all fans, but I noticed Kentin receives the least. It’s actually hard to find good/cute content with him in it. Though Kentin may not be my favorite personally, I can see why others like him, and it’s a shame there isn’t more material available. Not to mention that anyone who seems to voice that they like him receive so much hate in return and are shamed for their personal interest in his character/route. It must be absolutely frustrating.

Yes, after the latest episode Kentin is getting more hate than usual. But I think part of it is more towards his attitude change in the recent events since we met Evan. And his behavior towards strangers and women in general. I mean, he and Evan were acting the same, if not worse than Dake when he was always harassing Candy. Treating a girl/woman or anyone the way they did to Candy and Rosa in this episode is something very relatable in the real world. It’s unacceptable, uncomfortable and upsetting behavior. That’s why people are more angry than usual. His attitude is something a lot of us face. There are guys that actually act like this, and it may be triggering many who have experienced such attitudes in real life.

Apart from that, this is how I see his situation. Evan was Kentin’s role model and surrogate big brother in military school. Not only did Evan defend Kentin from bullies, he apparently gave him confidence and molded Kentin, transforming him while he was there.

And Kentin seems to be very grateful for what Evan has done for him. When Kentin returns to Sweet Amoris, no one recognizes him. Thanks to this, his first plan of action is get back at Amber by stealing her first kiss (her not knowing he was the nerd she used to bully) and then telling her she’s a bad kisser, in an attempt to lower her ego/self esteem. He even smashed her new cell phone. He wasn’t about to let anyone bully him anymore. And he wanted that made clear through Amber. If your Candy was mean to him before military school, he is cold towards you. If you were nice, he’s nice towards you when he returns.

Once he’s back, he befriends Armin and Alexy and no one seems to bother or bully him. He becomes more relaxed and doesn’t try so hard to put on the tough guy act. He becomes a sweet guy again (as long as your Candy is nice to him), just slightly more mature as he’s not stalking Candy anymore like a lovesick puppy. I think with the absence of Evan and the other boys, Kentin wasn’t fired up and influenced to act the way he did in military school where you had to act tough, macho and not allow anyone walk all over you. But later, I think he started feeling out of place at Sweet Amoris, if not alone. Though he clicked right away with Armin and Alexy, Armin started becoming more of a friend towards Nathaniel. Alexy has a crush on Kentin but they don’t hang out a lot, if at all these days. And he doesn’t seem to be getting along with any of the other guys, or any of the girls in his class, apart from the few conversations we’ve seen him have with Lysander or while our Candy is present in his route. Then, for those on his route, even when he finally gets to date his long time crush and kiss her, his confidence in himself and his self esteem appears to continue to dwindle. First Candy wants to hide their relationship from everyone as soon they officially become a couple (Kentin more than likely thought she was embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with him as his girlfriend) and it hurt him deeply. Then at the party during spin the bottle, Kentin became upset when another guy tries to kiss Candy on a dare and claims Candy doesn’t realize how beautiful/wonderful she is and how could other guys NOT be interested in her. I think him witnessing that and becoming more aware of that reality seriously made him question if he was good enough for Candy, if he was manly enough, if he was the kind of guy she wanted to be with. Again, his level of confidence drops.

Once Evan returns, Kentin is suddenly brought back to his military school days, and that macho attitude kicks in like Pavlov’s dogs to a dinner bell. Kentin suddenly feels like he’s brimming with confidence with his old buddy back at his side, and admires/mimics Evan to a horrifying degree. Kentin becomes so overconfident that he shifts into an arrogant, rude person. Notice how he talks back to everyone and becomes disrespectful towards Candy and the other classmates, as well as the teachers. He thinks that this new confidence makes it so no one messes with him, that no one will try to walk all over him again.

Be that as it may, I think he’s distancing himself from everyone. Putting up a wall. Making sure no one approaches him. Not even his own girlfriend. Because he’s hiding so many insecurities and fears. He has no identity. No self worth. No friends. He doesn’t have much of a father figure since his dad is gone a lot, and therefore no male figure to look up to or learn from. Until Evan came along. Evan was everything Kentin thought a man should be. Strong, confident and assertive. And because Kentin became so grateful of Evan’s support, he failed to notice Evan’s flaws. Arrogant, harassing, even delinquent like. Kentin becomes blind to Evan’s and his own behavior and makes excuses or gets defensive when people call him out on it. He gets upset when people tell him Evan is a bad influence. But to Kentin, Evan was the only person who ever seemed to be there for him when no one else was. It’s why he tries so hard to defend Evan and his actions. And as a result, Kentin becomes the very type of person he hates without knowing it. And he doesn’t want to see it.

He’s scared…he’s alone…he’s frustrated…he’s completely lost. That’s a dangerous and self destructive combination. And until Kentin accepts who he really is, learns to truly be himself or figures out what he can become/wants to become on his own, without the influence of anyone but himself, he’ll continue to have this identity crisis. I just hope for his sake, that will come about on some serious self reflection in the next episode.

[xplorah]

003

doing this one at 2:45 AM bc i have some things to remind myself

i really need to n246ever get back on instagram with the same comfort i usually do

it is so horrid

so so fucking bad to me

it 247 is so easy for me to fall back into old habits of looking up accounts that make me want to die and cry and check things i know will end up hurting me

248 i have to listen to more old music :) paul x big thief has such a tender piece of my awful h*art... jesus

249 fuck i forgot to exercise yesterday so i guess i know what im doing tmoro

i kinda dont want to but god i need to.

controlling what i eat and drink is not going well. i suck 250 at this and idk what to do. i think im jst gna try cucumber seltzer water or soemthing i just need a new obsession

also read like 1.5 ch's of biochem! im feeling so good abt that class wtf esp the online note taking like thas definitely happening.

252 i read this post abt how smtimes we like the way ppl like us instead of how we like them or something and i Lol253 anyway

FRCUK i cant fkhn believe im moving in at the end of this week im so sad and depressed my friend that happens to be a boy that i happen to be romantically involved with is gonna go up four hrs away im :(

i guess planning thihgs with him does make it less lonely so i think we should save that for when we r ap a r t

254 255 i need to figure out how im gna steal all the fresh fruits from the dh to make my smoothies

gotta steal back all that this goddamned school had stolen from me. not sure if 256 ill get back my wellbeing and ... general will to live (i cant remembr if that was already gone but), o well!

i hate writing emails and im gna have to. :) tomorrow(:

257 paul, i know u said, that you'd take me any way i came or went. but i'll push you from my brain, see youre gentle baby, i couldnt stay id only bring you pain

...

and ive been burnin for u bay b since the minute i left

258

anyway lmao those were lyrics i typed as the song was playing thats dumb but oh well

anyway pt 2 259 im gna try my hardest to bot touch insta for as long as my weak stupid idiot moron self can manage.

i hate myself. i cant wait till 300 i genuinely cannot hate myself. i hate this feeling and how comfortable and home-y.

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth