#i feel like the issue is that students especially kids when the authority figure /who knows the information/ tells them theyre wrong
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my sibling's teacher (in high school) is using chat gpt to grade the essays on their tests and they just spent like twenty minutes trying to argue why that was a good thing i feel like im kind of losing it a bit
#boink#im not gonna be the person who says ai is evil and bad and can never be used ever#i just think that it is absolutely fucked to be a high school teacher grading tests and short answer essays with fucking chat gpt#like come on#and then theyre like oh ok but if it messes up you get to argue your answer and that helps you learn#and im like#that sounds like something you need to do in class then?#like if discussion is helpful#fucking do the discussion in class#dont do a thing that regularly puts students on the spot#especially high schoolers#where theyre accountable for catching the mistakes on their grades#like yeah mistakes are inevitable and ive caught some and pointed them out to teachers before#however that is not supposed to be the norm??#and im like maybe youre ok with that but not everyone is going to be able to do that#and my sibling is like well i think thats just a life skill to stand up for yourself#but like thats not the issue#i feel like the issue is that students especially kids when the authority figure /who knows the information/ tells them theyre wrong#theyre going to believe that#the students shouldnt be accountable for that /especially/ not as high schoolers#and my sibling is like well its an ap class so its college level and no one in the class is stupid#and i just. first of all? ap classes are nothing like any college class ive ever taken. including classes that are the exact same subject#and second. the level of the class is kind of irrelevant here? like i get the idea bc you wanna feel smart and capable in fancy smart class#but i just genuinely think that is irrelevant and kind of a condescending point to bring up#ANYWAY#idk why im getting so heated abt this :')#i was just kind of horrified#bc they were acting like it was so good. and not even that. they were acting like the people who /didnt/ like it#were stupid and way in the wrong#like i just do not agree
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/// negative, venting (not directed towards any mutuals)
Some people have never had a negative experience with an authority figure and it really shows how sheltered and clueless they are lol
Yesterday it was the girl on IG talking about how doctors/nurses "only want to help and will never try to get you in trouble", now I see this take from a different person:
"teachers are teachers because they care"
I'm sorry but what
I know there are probably some genuinely good teachers out there but there are plenty of teachers who did NOT become teachers "because they care"
There are teachers who become teachers because they had a different dream job in mind that they couldn't get and now they make their students the target of their frustration.
Teachers who are teachers because they like feeling a sense of power and authority over vulnerable young people (especially if they specifically go into special education, and ESPECIALLY if they were kids/teens that always bullied the neurodivergent students even if they didn't know they were ND at the time).
Teachers who are teachers because they like the location of the school and it gives them the opportunity to live in a different city/country that they like even if they don't love the job itself.
Teachers who only "care" about certain students (usually the popular and outgoing ones who are good at fitting in), but couldn't give a shit at all about the kids who are targeted by bullies, struggling in their classes, clearly dealing with mental health issues, etc.
Idk, it's just weird to me how people want to act like people in certain professions can do no wrong, ever, and act like they're guaranteed to care about everyone when that's just not true 💀
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Whenever I see someone talking in defense of using functioning labels or support labels it's just like, I can picture in my mind the kind of kid in special ed who this reminds me of. The kids who complained that we were being disrespectful when we trashed talk the abusive teachers aids or got mad about ableism from other students. I don't think people realize that not all special education experiences were created equal, and that someone who went through the suffering of special ed might not actually believe that it was a bad thing and think that more people should be forced into special ed ("because I turned out okay" <- is a huge jerk to other autistics)
I don't know what to do about it now that I'm like, "being mean to people is wrong." (Traditional reaction: heckling (me) and cold shoulders (everyone else).) Ideally I'd like to get through to people that being in cahoots with their therapist or whoever isn't actually going to help them make friends with other autistics, and tattling on people fighting against oppressive systems isn't going to win them free snacks, but I fundamentally don't understand this point of view and I don't know if I ever will. It's as foreign as someone believing that "everything happens for a reason" or that "justice always prevails (so people suffering deserve it)." I'm much more of a "if something is broken, fix it (people suffering counts as something broken)" and "authority figures blocking people from help are kind of inherently uncool and morally questionable especially when people's lives are at stake" kind of guy, I dunno. I have a strong sense of justice, that's not the problem, I just don't trust or believe in authority and a lot of autistics have been talking about how Important and Reasonable these things are (which I find almost inherently incorrect, since I think UBI and home aids should be available for free to whoever needs it forever).
Because fundamentally support labels are observations of what authority figures are willing to give you based on if they think you deserve it and depending on how closely you match their imaginary picture of "need." It's like how I "didn't need" paratransit until I got awarded it, and then "stop needing it" when I just never got around to applying again but my need has stayed consistent. Autism to me is fundamentally about what makes you feel comfortable, and if autism helps then you're autistic. Autism isn't a label to be foisted onto someone without their consent, and it's not one to take away just because they "seem" "normal." The autistic community I've observed on Tumblr (especially in the early years where I developed an understanding of myself as nd before I figured out I'm autistic) is so valuable because it's not what doctors think about us (other than complaining lmao) it's about how the community is a positive force in our lives because it makes us feel accepted for who we are, and frames autism as a good thing
How do I explain that to a guy who thinks a therapist saying we're wrong and autism is bad is objectively more correct?? I have no idea where to even begin. The biggest issue this stuff causes is how Going To Special Ed is being seen as a sort of "listen to marginalized voices and don't contradict anything they say or use critical thinking at all" type of trump card. People will say things that are wildly incongruous to social justice but it's folded into the discourse because people think that everyone comes out of there thinking that allism is wrong. Some of the most allist people I've known have been autistics. Getting diagnosed young, and years and years of special education, is super traumatic. I was lucky that I had people who cared and who taught me I was a person deserving of respect. It's not like how some women grow up to be feminists like "this shit SUCKS I deserve better" it's more like the kind of facism tokens experience where it's like "this sucking is important because I don't deserve better."
I'd caution people against shilling for functioning labels or support labels but I know that's goong to be hard with the self appointed DSM hall monitors. That's between you and your fight against the system, imo. If you can eat at the places we're going to, if you need a moment to go be nonverbal in a closet, if you need to go have a meltdown in peace, or need a communication board, or need to not be hugged, those are important. "High functioning/low functioning" and "low support/high support" is nonsensical in a space where general autistic concepts are integrated into how we run things because it smooths over a lot of problems. Social spaces where stimming openly was accepted, wearing headphones in public to block out noise, or other things that are more visibly autistic but make people's ability to avoid meltdowns soooo much easier can radically change how easily a neurotypical allistic can clock your autism. We just don't need support labels when someone who had meltdowns everyday suddenly has less because they can fidget openly, only eat their same foods, and don't get expected to hug people or talk about things that aren't their special interest, and the meltdowns are redirected and safer from autism accepting coping mechanisms- that's just what healing looks like.
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HEADCANON + GOJO SATORU || the gojo twins
request: HELLO^^ so I’ve been wondering this so long but do you think it would even be possible if Gojo had a twin sister that also has the sixth eye ? Probably not but, I’d kinda want to know what the clans higher ups and curses react to 2 sixth eye user.
note: I am glad I am not the only one thinking about this lol. like what if they were two gojos? absolute chaos the world has ever seen. i love it, this entire prompt lives in my head rent free lol
pronouns: she/her
gojotwins!au masterlist
imagine the other clan’s reactions when they learn that not one, but two of the gojo clan’s newest heirs were born with the highly coveted Six Eyes?
gojo satoru and y/n - the newest members of the gojo clan, twins that are born with the Six Eyes. a first case that has ever happened in the family’s history. it was this monumental moment when the higher ups realise that things are going to be interesting
by the way - you’re the older twin lol. just so you can poke jabs at gojo for the rest of your life by using the line. “i’m the older sibling here!”
“only by like, two minutes!”
that being said though, over-protective twin brother who will scare all your boyfriends/girlfriends the first time they meet because of his height and overly nice personality that scares people even more
you’re just as bad though - if any girl or guy walks out of his room after a night of fun you will probably be a little bitch and make them feel awkward until gojo wakes up
“can’t you be a little nicer to them?” gojo groans after the person he slept with last night quickly left after an awkward cup of morning coffee with you. “I actually liked them a lot.”
but it’s all done with love, and if the other realise their significant other makes them happy, they will back off
the moment you two entered jujutsu tech, then yaga-sensei was about to hand in his retirement slip early with the sheer chaos that his year of students were bringing him
ieiri was delighted that she wasn’t going to be the only girl at school; geto was amused how you two were basically copy and paste of each other, just in different genders
surprisingly enough, think you’d be the one who’d be the more studious and definitely more interesting in learning how to hone your skills better - gojo probably still has this ‘i am the strongest’ mentality that the elders planted in him because ✨misogyny✨
but he loves to compete with you - and you’re the only one who’d he ever admit defeat to, and will defend your honour whenever the elders talk down on you because you’re a girl. and to them, girls are just meant to be ‘a pretty face with strong genes to bring a strong generation into the world’
he’s probably the one who talked your elders out of arranging a marriage between you and an heir to another important family like the kamo clan - because there is no way in hell is he going to let some random ass man take you away from him
probably joking told you that if all else fails, to marry geto on the spot - and let’s be honest here, who wouldn’t? Geto looks so damn fine both the anime and especially in the Gojo Past Arch. rail me daddy-
*cough cough*
anyway - ever since that comment, geto and you might pretend to flirt with each other to get gojo riled up. playfully brushing your hand along his arm, playing with his hair between your fingers whenever you two talk, geto leaning close to you to whisper something in your ear with a smirk, or him resting his hand around your waist whenever he leads you about
it always gets gojo riled up, and he’d get in between the both of you; whining for you to give him attention instead
you probably sneak into his room, even as you got older, to hide in his arms whenever you have a nightmare - and he’d wordlessly just hold you close and cuddle you to sleep again no matter how old you two are
both of you share the same braincell - same reactions, expressions, and sometimes even finishing each other’s sentences. sometimes you two even say the same thing at the same time, to which you two just high five each other with a laugh
freaks everyone out a little, since it’s just so random and natural for the both of you to do it
nanami hates it whenever he has to accompany you two - as his senpais, he can’t complain much. he does learn a lot, yet at the same time, he can’t stand it when the both of you are sent on a mission together
with you he’s fine; but he barely tolerates gojo
ijichi loves you, since you compliment him on the smallest of things, or smile at him warmly whenever he does something right; may have a crush on you that he refuses to reveal to anyone
both of you probably have shopping trips every weekend; don’t tell me you two don’t splurge on clothing when you two can charge whatever it is you want to the gojo clan account
you two probably got a lot of those roadside modelling offers - and sometimes you’d probably even joke about leaving the whole jujutsu world behind to become a model instead
“i mean - it pays. and all i need to do is sit and look pretty.”
a lot of ‘did not!’ and ‘did too!’ arguments all day long
you two love to taunt the Curses together before you kill them - it makes them only more scared, but the ‘chase more fun’
“say, toru - it looks so weak for a semi-first, no?”
“must be a new born - how pathetic.”
bags of candies all over the place - somehow he got you addicted to candy as well, so whenever you two travel, you always buy different candies and different treats
when geto betrayed you all in your third year, gojo turned to you as his pillar of familiarity; even more so when he was force to kill his best friend a few years later. the both of you leaned on each other as you start to pick the pieces of yourselves once more
both you and your brother share the same idea of changing the jujutsu world from the inside out, so you two decided to take up teaching together under the command of now principal yaga
poor man is deciding if he now regrets accepting both of your applications
you took in megumi as your own by the way - so megumi respects you a lot since you’re like the mother he never had. but at the same time, he wouldn’t be surprise if he heard that you do something stupid with your twin brother
feel like gojo and you will spend your free time probably trying to unlock more secrets of the Limitless and how to use your Six Eyes better - and Gojo will teach you how to probably use Hallow Purple and how to use Reverse Cursed Techniques with the held of ieiri as well
you took in maki, inumaki and even panda as your own kids as well - teaching them whenever gojo is forced to go and solve some issue the higher ups throw at him; making the kids super protective of you
even when yuta came, you didn’t care about the special grade curse that was stuck inside of him; treating him like an actual person and training him up and build his confidence once more
when you heard what happened to the special-grade cursed object that megumi was tasked on taking the following year, you laughed your ass off for 10 minutes while megumi tried not to show his annoyance
“y/n-sensei, i almost died. it is not funny.”
but you still took yuji in as your own child, and when you were giving him a tour around campus, you raised an eyebrow when a pair of lips appeared on the side of his cheek
“even though i want to kill that white haired bastard, i might spare your pretty little face.”
“hello to you too, sukuna.” you greeted with a smile while yuji slapped a hand over the mouth, apologising to you with a wild blush on his face. you just laughed and reassured the poor boy it was alright
when nobara came, you adopted her as well; and she loves you, and loves how in tune with the trends you are. you two even have a girl’s night where you talk about everything that happens and have a few rants about boys
all in all - highkey chaotic, but with more common sense then your younger twin brother gojo and knows how to act professional whenever you need to. you also tend to adopt all the students that walks through your doors, and they view you as a parental figure as well. you and your brother are a menace together, but you two get things done and no one can really complain
gojo is protective, but when it comes to you it’s worse lol. but you’re just as bad when it comes to making sure ‘your baby brother’ is safe. you two tend to be super sassy and throw shade at each other, but when it comes down to the basics, you two love each other a lot and will go the extra mile to make sure that each other are safe
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#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jujutsu kaisen headcanon#jujutsu kaisen hc#jujutsu kaisen hcs#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk headcanons#jjk headcanon#jjk hcs#jjk hc#jjk gojo satoru#jjk satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru headcanons#jjk gojo#jjk gojo x reader#jjk satoru#jjk satoru gojo#jjk satoru x reader#itadori yuji#kugisaki nobara#fushiguro megumi#maki zenin#inumaki to/ge#okkotsu yuta#gojotwins!au
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two other asks by this person
controversial take but just cuz jude is a nerd doesn't mean he gets beat up all the time. i feel like if anything he is the person who causes the most problems at school. idk if u ever watched donnie darko but the protag is p schizophrenic and ends up flooding the school due to one of his delusions. jude should be that kid that constantly ends up having the police called on him and getting suspended multiple times, and is generally known as the kid u should be cautious around.
OK sorry for spamming ur asks i just got jude autism. idc if ppl say its ooc jude harley is kind of donnie darko pilled. we need to make donnie darko jude art that is my crazy idea.
ANON. YOU GET IT. YOI GET ME. he would not work in some high position like in the government or as any teacher of any kind. if anything hed barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs hed ever get would be like... janitor or cashier. constantly on the run from everyone he loves only staying in one place a few months at a time because he thinks theyre spying on him and trying to keep him away from the truth by putting him in the psych ward.
on judes school life: joey is bullied a lot iirc and i definitely think jude would be too. being transmasc AND being autistic in 1995 hes cooked. in his younger years hed be bullied a lot for the way he is and i think this would result in a lot of lashing out. hurting other students and being suspended a lot because of it. he does seem like a smart kid though. hed be the 'pleasure to have in class beside behavioral issues' type. eating lunch with teachers because nobody in his school wants to be near him because hes scary and weird. he wouldnt get beat up though if anything hes the one hurting other kids like i said. someone calls him weird and leaves with 2 broken bones and a target on their head for months.
i think part of the reason joey would be bullied is for her little brothers behavior issues. jude does get better with it as he gets older but he still has outbursts obviously. at around 11-12 he stops with his constant angry outbursts and after that they are rare but worse than anything he ever did as a young kid. shit like you said-- flooding the school, setting fires, getting into fights, getting the police called on him, ect ect. the police especially fuels his paranoia about government and authority figures. also the older he gets the more his delusions worsen-- as a young kid it was mostly because of his father leaving and his mother dying and his bottled up anger at his dad, but because nobody not even adults and people who are supposed to help him recognize that he continues bottling it all up and also doesnt have anyone to tell about his very obvious schizophrenia symptoms so he never gets medicated for it. im kind of running in circles but my Point is hes very heavily bullied in his early years and later on he still is but mostly everyone is too scared of him to do it directly. they talk amongst themselves when he walks by saying somethings wrong with him and he needs to be put in the looney bin and all of this only fuels his delusions that everyone is against him and out to get him even more.
also elaborating on his adult life-- i think again if he tries to fit in with normal people he would barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs that would take him would be like... cashiers at middle of nowhere gas stations or janitors for restaurants on edges of town that nobody visits because the employees are all strange. in his mind his *real* job is being a paranormal investigator, which he does VERY diligently. he investigates anything out of the ordinary-- haunted houses, alien and cryptid sightings, ect... if he goes full cryptid and fucks off from society he would live in a bunker in the woods. underground bunker only he knows of stocked up on canned food and growing his own fucked up plants to eat. comes out every 6 months to walk 10 miles to the nearest walmart and buy a shitton of frozen meat to last him the next 6 months. either built the place himself or refurbished an old nuclear fallout shelter. either way he paid for it all with cash that he stole from the half harley manor when he left. assuming hes 13 in 1995 he would be 27 in 2009 when the world ends. he wouldnt even make it to 30. i ALSO feel like he predicted 4/13. type of guy to dig through skaianet archives and documents that he found looking to see if aliens are real and finds a deadly prophecy that only worsens his delusions. he would already be terrified of end of the world scenarios but the very real threat coming in 2009 would make one of his delusions true and probably make him think the rest are too. if he was right about the world ending, it isnt a stretch to say people would be stalking him and spying on him and trying to prevent him from getting the truth out, right?
ive gotta watch donnie darko to fuel my jude autism even further... ive been told id like it but i havent watched it yet. i have to get on that soon. everyone start making donnie darko jude art NOW. and in general acknowledge judes schizophrenia more. my final message. good bye
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update on this i did watch donnie darko and it IS jude core. rip jude harley youd love donnie darko and serial experiments lain
DUDE YEA like people seem to hc jude like he'd be working in the FBI or with NASA like dude Jude is mentally ill as hell chances are hes isolating himself to the maximum, constantly visiting pysch wards for psychotic episodes, and can barely keep a job especially with his track record for delusions. not to say he cant have a job but i think itd be really fricking difficult. ideally he is surviving off the grid.
two other asks by this person
controversial take but just cuz jude is a nerd doesn't mean he gets beat up all the time. i feel like if anything he is the person who causes the most problems at school. idk if u ever watched donnie darko but the protag is p schizophrenic and ends up flooding the school due to one of his delusions. jude should be that kid that constantly ends up having the police called on him and getting suspended multiple times, and is generally known as the kid u should be cautious around.
OK sorry for spamming ur asks i just got jude autism. idc if ppl say its ooc jude harley is kind of donnie darko pilled. we need to make donnie darko jude art that is my crazy idea.
ANON. YOU GET IT. YOI GET ME. he would not work in some high position like in the government or as any teacher of any kind. if anything hed barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs hed ever get would be like... janitor or cashier. constantly on the run from everyone he loves only staying in one place a few months at a time because he thinks theyre spying on him and trying to keep him away from the truth by putting him in the psych ward.
on judes school life: joey is bullied a lot iirc and i definitely think jude would be too. being transmasc AND being autistic in 1995 hes cooked. in his younger years hed be bullied a lot for the way he is and i think this would result in a lot of lashing out. hurting other students and being suspended a lot because of it. he does seem like a smart kid though. hed be the 'pleasure to have in class beside behavioral issues' type. eating lunch with teachers because nobody in his school wants to be near him because hes scary and weird. he wouldnt get beat up though if anything hes the one hurting other kids like i said. someone calls him weird and leaves with 2 broken bones and a target on their head for months.
i think part of the reason joey would be bullied is for her little brothers behavior issues. jude does get better with it as he gets older but he still has outbursts obviously. at around 11-12 he stops with his constant angry outbursts and after that they are rare but worse than anything he ever did as a young kid. shit like you said-- flooding the school, setting fires, getting into fights, getting the police called on him, ect ect. the police especially fuels his paranoia about government and authority figures. also the older he gets the more his delusions worsen-- as a young kid it was mostly because of his father leaving and his mother dying and his bottled up anger at his dad, but because nobody not even adults and people who are supposed to help him recognize that he continues bottling it all up and also doesnt have anyone to tell about his very obvious schizophrenia symptoms so he never gets medicated for it. im kind of running in circles but my Point is hes very heavily bullied in his early years and later on he still is but mostly everyone is too scared of him to do it directly. they talk amongst themselves when he walks by saying somethings wrong with him and he needs to be put in the looney bin and all of this only fuels his delusions that everyone is against him and out to get him even more.
also elaborating on his adult life-- i think again if he tries to fit in with normal people he would barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs that would take him would be like... cashiers at middle of nowhere gas stations or janitors for restaurants on edges of town that nobody visits because the employees are all strange. in his mind his *real* job is being a paranormal investigator, which he does VERY diligently. he investigates anything out of the ordinary-- haunted houses, alien and cryptid sightings, ect... if he goes full cryptid and fucks off from society he would live in a bunker in the woods. underground bunker only he knows of stocked up on canned food and growing his own fucked up plants to eat. comes out every 6 months to walk 10 miles to the nearest walmart and buy a shitton of frozen meat to last him the next 6 months. either built the place himself or refurbished an old nuclear fallout shelter. either way he paid for it all with cash that he stole from the half harley manor when he left. assuming hes 13 in 1995 he would be 27 in 2009 when the world ends. he wouldnt even make it to 30. i ALSO feel like he predicted 4/13. type of guy to dig through skaianet archives and documents that he found looking to see if aliens are real and finds a deadly prophecy that only worsens his delusions. he would already be terrified of end of the world scenarios but the very real threat coming in 2009 would make one of his delusions true and probably make him think the rest are too. if he was right about the world ending, it isnt a stretch to say people would be stalking him and spying on him and trying to prevent him from getting the truth out, right?
ive gotta watch donnie darko to fuel my jude autism even further... ive been told id like it but i havent watched it yet. i have to get on that soon. everyone start making donnie darko jude art NOW. and in general acknowledge judes schizophrenia more. my final message. good bye
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daddy issues - chapter viii
The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.
When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.
for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.
“Hey, are you busy?” I huffed as I heard Ransom’s voice, especially the concerned tone he was using. It’s not like I didn’t believe he actually wanted to have a serious conversation with me, but more as in I did not want to have that conversation right now, not when I could still remember the night we *almost shared oh-so-well.
“Yes, can’t talk right now.” And that’s all I said before I hung up on him, knowing I was being impolite, but honestly too busy to care. Classes had started and considering next term I probably wouldn’t be here to take care of my usual courses, I had to leave somewhat of a very structured syllabus behind for who was supposed to sub for me.
Days went by where it was pretty much the same. Ransom would call me, I’d give him an excuse to hang up, and then I’d throw myself into work, still adamant on ignoring the fact that a whole human was growing inside of me. I had to schedule a doctor’s appointment, I knew that, but the thought of going there alone and the reality of the situation suddenly hitting me was just too much.
I should have known it was only a matter of time until Ransom grew tired of my efforts to dodge his calls, though.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my mouth hanging open as he walked into my office. When I heard the knocks, I expected it was another student who still hadn’t figured out my office hours yet, so to see him in my work environment was particularly shocking.
The man in question just shrugged, like it was absolutely no big deal that he was in the same environment where I usually planned my courses. “You didn’t answer your phone. I need to talk to you.”
“You can’t keep showing up in random places that you know I’ll be in! First my house, now my workplace…” He actually flinched at my complaint, for the first time since I met him seeming genuinely aware of his mistake.
“I know. I’m sorry. I really needed to talk to you and you wouldn’t answer your phone. I figured coming here would be less invasive than just showing up at your apartment again.” The fact that he actually put thought behind this and considered my feelings about it actually disarmed me.
He was right, this was less invasive than having in my home, considering I did not plan on seeing him at all. This was my work environment, somewhere I always felt empowered in, and not the place where I walked around in pajamas and would hide at when I was in my most vulnerable state.
“Are you gonna throw me out?” He asked me, vulnerability written all over his expression, and I was thrown off whatever wagon I had intended to ride the next time I met with Ransom again.
“No.” The word sounded tired even to my own ears, and that’s because I was. I was tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of being aggressive and dismissive towards someone I knew I would have to eventually work with. I pointed the chair in front of me for him to sit, chuckling to myself as I rubbed my eyes when I realized the perfect irony of this situation. He was the one in my office now.
For a few seconds, we just stared at each other. I was waiting for him to talk - he was the one who seemed so desperate to talk to me, anyway - but it seemed like he needed the time to gather his courage.
Once he started, though… It was clear that he’d been mulling this over for a long time.
“I know you barely know me, and the stuff you do know has probably introduced you to the worst possible version of me… I can’t even say that’s not true. For a long time, that was all I was and all I wanted to be.” He took a minute to breathe, and I patiently waited for him to continue. If anything, it was obvious he was speaking from the heart, and I wanted him to know that I highly appreciated him lowering his defenses for a while to actually let me see who he really was.
“Still, as the man you think I am, I ask for you to give me a chance. Please, listen to me. Don’t do this. Don’t lock me out, don’t keep me away from you and this pregnancy. I can do better. I can *be better. Maybe this kid is exactly what I needed to get my act together. I was able to fix my work behavior, it was my personal life that missed… something to work towards.”
My hand had fallen over my belly, protectively shielding my child from what I’d briefly considered he’d present as a lab experiment for his own self-improvement, but then I understood. I’d seen this before on my research about him - his actions weren’t completely careless and egoistic, they were his response to the internal anguish he had lived through, of not having anything to aspire towards.
“And I really want to be around for this. I want to be around for you. I don’t want my only participation to be… sperm donor.” And there, for the first time since we met, Ransom Drysdale made me laugh with his defense mechanism of joking around emotional moments.
It seemed like my laughter eased some of the tension in the room, and he even smiled as he continued, “I can’t promise I’ll do a good job. I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do, but I will try my very best - and that’s more than I’ve been willing to do my entire life. I want to be better, for our child and for you. Because you deserve that. You deserve someone to help you go through this too.”
Try as I might, I could not stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks by the end of his speech. I’d blame the pregnancy, even though I knew that was only half of it. The relief was just… indescribable. This is exactly what I’d prayed to have when I found out I was pregnant to a man I barely knew.
And so I reached out for his hand, wanting him to know just how much I meant what I was about to say. “Listen, I screwed up too. I let gossip get the best of me. The truth is, I’m scared of relying on someone and then having to figure it all out by myself, once again. So I need us to start small, okay? Maybe if we build this friendship on a foundation that’s different from the pregnancy, I can start to trust you with it, too.”
He nodded understandingly, lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but I beat him to it. “Would you like to meet me at the bar tonight? Ana has been bugging me to go and I promised I’d accompany her there tonight. I think it’s more your scene than a night in with chocolate and movies.”
His mouth closed at that, and he laughed, eyes crinkling with humor as he nodded at my words. “You are right. That does sound good to me.” We stayed like that for a while, just relishing in each other’s presence. “So, meet you there?” He asked, and I could see there were still some underlying trust issues there. I did spend the last week avoiding him, though.
So I squeezed his hand before confirming, “Meet you there tonight.”
#my series#ransom drysdale#ransom drysdale angst#angst#ransom drysdale x reader#ransom drysdale reader#ransom drysdale reader insert#ransom drysdale reader inserts#ransom drysdale fanfiction
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A very overdue cql/mdzs fic rec list
for @accidental-child
I am so sorry this took me so long Axel! The pandemic has really done a number on my time-management skills and things like this often fall behind :/
The fics complied here are the ones i have not recced in the list for @helianthus21 before. You can find that one here, so you can check it out as well :)
The Wei Wuxian makes a wish series by natcat5
My attempt at a summary: this is a madoka magica AU (which i had not watched prior to reading this fic). Cultivators, in this universe, are created when a teenager makes a wish to the creature named Kyubey, which than grants them their wish and the power to fight witches, strange and destructive creatures of despair that lure people into their labyrinths. Wei Wuxian, at the beginning of the story is not a cultivator, but his friends are and so is the mysterious new student at his school, lan wangji, who follows him everywhere and seems to be obsessed with preventing him from making a contract.
My comment: my attempt at a summary does not do this story justice and is really just a setup. Honestly i cannot put into words how much I loved this story. It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. It made me laugh, it made me cry for entire chapters, it drew me into it's world so much that I freaking dreamed about it! (I'm not kidding, I really did) Honestly, this fic deserves so much more attention than it is currently getting. Not only is the plot expertly crafted, with reveals that shock you and leave you reading, but the author also just gets the characters. The best thing an AU can do, in my opinion, is take familiar characters, put them in unfamiliar situations and then manage to make the way they react believable. And this AU nails that! The conclusion and the choices that Wei wuxian and lan Wangji make in the end felt exactly right. Not to mention, it has a stellar ensemble cast! Everyone is here (except Xichen sadly and I kind of think it is deliberate because without him, Lan Wangji lacks a support system). Again, I cannot recommend this story enough. It is, without doubt, my favourite fic series in this entire fandom. (Caution however: Do read the warnings in the tags and notes and take them seriously. They are there for a very good reason.)
Agapé (home is in your arms) by estel_willow
Author’s summary: Lan Xichen is in isolation. Wei Wuxian visits him. Together they find their way back to happiness, to clarity and to home.
My comment: This one focuses on both Lan Xichen’s and Wei Wuxian’s issues and lets them resolve them together. I am such a fan of their characterisations in this fic, as well as Lan Wangji’s even though he is not the focus. I love it when non-romantic relationships are the focus of fics and especially when they are central to the character’s resolving their own issues and moving forward in life and that is exactly what happens here.
until you're big enough by lostin_space
Author’s summary: Lan Zhan is sad and not hungry; Lan Xichen asks Nie Mingjue to help him.
My comment: This one is a really short and sweet read about how Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue parent the their younger brothers. I just really liked how the author portrayed todler Lan Zhan, as well as these two teenagers doing their best to be the parents that both he and Nie huaisang lack.
Night Music by Manogahela
Author’s summary: There is a music that plays in the night at Cloud Recess....but there isn't suppose to be. Lan Xichen investigates the mysterious dizi music that can be heard from the Jingshi at night following the Siege of the Burial mounds.
My comment: I absolutely adored this one, mainly for two reasons: 1. I love an outsider perspective and Lan Xichen’s, at this point and with his limited knowledge is absolutely wonderful. First, he isn’t even sure is what he thinks is happening really is happening and when he is sure, his feelings are, understandably very conflicted. 2. The author’s style compliments this fic so well. Since most of it happens at night and Xichen isn’t entirely sure that he can trust his senses, there is a certain dreamlike quality to it that the author writes beautifully. This fic is part one in a series. Part two is a WIP, but also very much worth the read!
Company by WithBroomBefore
My summary: In which Wei Wuxian is whipped within an inch of his life by Madam Yu when he is fourteen and comes to stay at the cloud recesses. He and Lan Zhan become friends.
My comment: My summary once again does not do this fic justice. Because it is so much more than just that. It’s such a beautful exploration of friendship and love and bodily autonomy. Wei Wuxian has a lot to work through in this fic, but really, so has Lan Zhan who has the opportunity to make friends at a much more mellow pace than in the novel/show and panics a little less because of it. The war still happens but has much less dire consequences. All in all, this fic left me with a wonderful warm feeling in my chest.
you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry
Author’s summary: One of the more timid-looking posts, in pale greens and creams and yellows, says Hello, I'm managing to be fairly high functioning right now but I'm really not doing as well as it may appear, and Lan Zhan feels as if someone sneaked into his mind and read his most secret thoughts, the ones he's never even dared to admit to himself.
(In which Lan Zhan, to his own dismay, finds himself with the help of the most obnoxious, cheerful, cheesy self-care instagram account known to men.)
(And Wei Ying.)
My comment: Listen, I have a complicated relationship with fics that depict mental health struggles in characters. They are all so incredibly valid and I’m glad they exist (every single one of them, no matter if i like them or not) but due to the fact that they tend to come from the author projecting their own issues onto characters (which is NOT a bad thing! that is what fanfic is for!) they are often hit-and-miss when it comes to characterisation. But this story ... it just GETS Lan Wangji. If someone told me a scenario in a modern AU that leads to him developing an anxiety disorder and depression, this is what I would have come up with. Because let’s be real, Lan Wangji is a perfectionist to boot, insanely competitive and needs to live up to his family’s expectations, while also not having much of an emotional support system outside of his brother and uncle. That’s a dangerous cocktail in the modern world and just screams of a burnout waiting to happen. So Lan Wangji, off to university, living alone in a strange city for the frst time, spends all his time in a carefully calculated study routine but slowly realises that the path he set out on was not one he chose because he liked it but simply the one that was laid out for him by his background and family, which then leads to him questioning the reason behind what he does. That reads as incredibly real to me. A good AU, in my opinion, takes the characters and their inherent characteristics and lets them meet new and unique challenges that they never would have encountered in canon, which then leads to new and interesting character developement. And this AU manages that perfectly! (Plus, if you are a university student like me who sometimes suffers from crushing anxiety about the path they chose in life, this is insanely relatable. What? I never said I wasn’t biased :P)
porn (but not actually) and waiting (a lot of it) by hyacinth4maria
Author’s summary: Lan Xichen sighs as he settles into the couch next to Lan Wangji.
"What are you looking at?"
Lan Wangji, without pausing from typing the names Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in the Love Calculator 3000, says, "Porn."
Lan Xichen chokes.
- Lan Wangji has a crush. Lan Xichen hadn't realized his little brother was growing up.
My comment: this one was hilarious! Just Lan Xichen being both absolutely exasperated and amused by wangxian’s pre-teen drama. I almost choked laughing at the line that coined the title. The author has these characters down to a T and they used their powers to attack my laugh-musccles :D
the field meets the wood by astronicht
Author’s summary: Wei Wuxian is a dark shadow in the barley. Wei Wuxian is sorry for the kind of compassion that he is about to hand out.
(in which Lan Wangji is stolen for salt, and Wei Wuxian unravels the world, a little)
My Comment: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD. Do you ever read a story and just marvel at the author’s mind? This is one of those. The sheer genius of giving Wei Wuxian the ability to pull entire beings into non-being! The absolute galaxy-brain idea to link the canon mythology to modern astrophysics!!! Wei Wuxian creates a motherfucking black hole in this one!!! And it’s SO well written, too! The author does not shy away from Wei Wuxian’s sharp edges and his darker side but goddamn if he is not still loveable anyway. Just GO READ THIS FIC!
Abandon your post by StarsAlignNomore
Author’s summary: After months as Chief Cultivator and separated from his soulmate, Lan Wangji follows Wei Wuxian out into the world. He searches for him. He finds him. He kisses him. They reunite, they talk, they resolve. Sometimes Bichen lends emotional support. Chenqing bites. Little Apple is there too.
Your typical Post-Canon-Reunion-Fic with much more emphasis on their spiritual weapons than expected.
My comments: This one just left me with a lot of mushy feelings. Also I adore the way the author emphasised the relationship between Lan Wangji and Bichen. And by the end, Wangxian finally figure shit out through actual open communication. Absolutely beautiful!
#cql fic#cql fic rec#mdzs fic#mdzs fic rec#mdzs#cql#wangxian#wangxian fic rec#lan wangji#wei wuxian#lan xichen
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reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:
they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)
it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)
they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)
they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)
vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:
the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.
clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)
on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.
okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.
little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.
the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.
too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"
that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....
also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.
the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.
related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.
rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.
less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.
there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?
we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?
travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.
and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.
also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.
#negativity cw#i guess#anyway this is not meant to say that you cannot enjoy grad.#but i'm tired of folks on this website acting like there aren't genuine problems with it#and saying that people just dislike it bc they hate travis etc etc#taz graduation#i genuinely don't expect anyone to read this bc it's so long#but here ya go.#long post
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shadowgast in "cowboy like me"
hello and welcome to another episode of Coco projects all of her issues onto Caleb Widogast and also cries about the Other Gay Purple Wizard™. this episode is sponsored by severe sleep deprivation and being in the airport at 6am, which is where I wrote most of this. but this is also something I've been yelling about for weeks, primarily at @theravenkingscourt and @dinah-lance, sponsored by taylor swift and emotions.
I will begin this dissertation with the song "cowboy like me" by Taylor Swift, from the album "evermore." those overlapping in the taylor swift and critical role fandoms have spent a long while yelling about how cowboy like me was MADE for shadowgast, and it is. here is my most recent annotation of the song lyrics (spoilers, obvs):
cowboy like me has many lines that have a direct, literal line to shadowgast, such as "the old men that I've swindled" == Ikithon, etc. but the things I want to highlight here are the themes it presents, and why I hold these boys so near and dear to my heart, and maybe why you do too. (also cc: @shadowgastweek)
many lines repeat but can have various, literal and metaphorical meanings. "eyes full of stars" can be about Rosohna, the dumancy floor of the tower, or ambition and power and desire. the fun thing about this is that they all connect together into a wonderful constellation of pain :) without Essek's ambition, the beacons wouldn't have gotten to the Cerberus Assembly, and they may have never met. without Caleb's ambition, he may have never been at the Solstryce Academy, ended up with a beacon, in Rosohna, or met Essek, or learned dunamancy, or have the floor of endless possibility. and much of this is put aside for the Nein and each other. "never thought I'd meet you here" indeed.
the bridge and third stanza of this song go SO. HARD. I have spent MONTHS yelling about the hanging gardens of babylon and no I will not stop. first of all, it's just a great fucking line. "now you hang from my lips / like the gardens of babylon" bitch are you FUCKING kidding me. the story of the gardens is that the queen missed her homeland, which had sprawling greenery, and so the king made her a garden that went around the palace and over roofs. (hey hey hey, gravity, xhorhaus, tower, you get it.) and I want to focus on the question on if the gardens actually exist. there are no surviving babylonian texts that mention the gardens, and no archaeological evidence that it ever existed. so it is a story that no one can confirm, or something completely obliterated by time and society. (or misattributed and was actually a different garden but shh it doesn't fit as well) for me, that's a strong allegory for the queer experience, and looking back at history and relationships. moreover, let's think about Caleb and Essek's interactions, and the fear of showing affection == being outed. studying together, talking close, forehead kisses. something that is not confirmed, or will be obliterated by their circumstances.
a theme that stands out from "cowboy like me" is this idea of wanting love. as a queer asian immigrant kid and a sociology student, the conditions of unconditional love is a concept that fascinates me. societally, unconditional love is talked about a lot, especially in relation to families, which we know if not always the case, and we fear it constantly. it’s hiding bad grades from your parents, or feeling like you need to prove yourself to earn love. it’s going to a pride parade and removing the stickers and face paint on the train home. it’s the fear of abandonment, of what if this is what makes it too much to love me. there was a post floating around (hehe, floating) about how both caleb and essek skirted around the ACTUAL worst things that they've done when asked about it. throughout the campaign, something that Caleb and Essek have gone through, not just with each other but the rest of the Nein, is hiding the unforgiveable things they’ve done because they think that will make them leave. and they take every unforgiveable thing, and they love them anyway. these things still happened, and that’s not okay, and they don’t dismiss it, and maybe, just maybe, if people can love them despite every unforgiveable thing, maybe they can let themselves be loved. maybe they can love themselves. and maybe, they can love, too.
the fear of love not being enough is also threaded through the song. in the case of shadowgast, it's the question of country, of war, political positions, familial desires, friends, location. (it's the question of if matthew mercer will let shadowgast be endgame goddammit.) in caleb's words, it's complicated. the Nein have defeated a lot "with the power of friendship," but what if it's not enough? what if they don't get Molly back, or they're corrupted by the eyes, or they can't get Veth back to her family? what if Trent gets Essek, or Caleb, or the Dynasty finds out, or Astrid and Eadwulf betray them, or they find their way back to old paths of power and ambition. what if love isn't enough?
"and the skeletons in both our closets / plotted hard to fuck this up" hurts me. taylor swift's bridges never miss. first of all, in closets, gay, obligatory pun, yada yada yada. it's also all the unforgiveable things they've done, war and Caleb's family, "important" but "not good" intentions, and all the people who threaten them now, ex. cerberus assembly, bisexual maelstrom, and the fact that Essek worked with the very people who abused and manipulated Caleb. all these previous fears are present in this line.
and when we see someone who is healing, who is loved, doesn't that give us hope? and isn't that present throughout critical role's history? we get to see full grown adults still enjoy a hobby, with a solid group of friends, tell us stories about growth. tell us healing is possible. Liam is Caleb and the Nein, showing this to us, Essek.
I will leave you with this. there is a theory that every relationship we have is a reflection of our relationship with our parents. every relationship is us trying to get that first relationship right, this time. this is fascinating to look at for each of the M9 (Beau and her aggression and strength and standing up against authority; Jester and her positivity and kindness and acceptance; Fjord needing to be strong and taking control), but of course I'm going to talk about Caleb. think of Caleb and Ikithon. think of Caleb and Veth. think of Caleb's need to prove he is good enough, not just in power and intelligence and ambition, but that he is good. that he is good enough. think of how his intelligence is his armor and his weapons, both literally and figuratively. at making sure Veth gets back to her family. of showing off for Essek, believing in Essek and in Essek's goodness. Essek being Caleb's foil is beautiful, but what if this is Caleb, making sure that this time, they survive.
#shadowgast#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#critical role spoilers#critical role#cr spoilers#cr#shadowgast week#i just have a lot of feelings about them and i project all my issues onto caleb#am i caleb or do i just want to date essek#both. both is good#maybe one day i'll talk about why 'tis the damn season is about the blumentrio#I have 7 songs currently in my shadowgast playlist
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milf: man i love forests
pairing: deforester boo seungkwan x frat boy mirror demon han jisung (side pairing reagan x rainbow)
genre: crack, strangers to friends to lovers, non-idol au
warnings: cursing, brief supernatural elements, i don’t know if this applies but all lcase, and i listened to christmas music and abba while writing this
word count: 2.7k
authors note: happy birthday @miyuuraiura !! i am so sorry about this monstrosity being your birthday gift but you asked for it so it's your fault entirely. i was gonna include some context on this story for those who are not rainbow and i but actually i don't think i will.
seungkwan did what he could to get by. he loved nature, he really did, but sometimes you have to make moral sacrifices to survive. he was a college kid strapped for cash, and when he saw a sign reading “GET RICH QUICK, INVEST IN DEFORESTATION” in the summer going into his freshmen year, he jumped at the opportunity. sure, he would have rather been a freelance singer, hired for bar-mitzvahs and children's parties, but that job market was flooded at the moment.
jisung, on the other hand, had no care for nature. actually, he didn't care for any human things, apart from “banging parties, booze, the boys™, and bitches”. he hated quite a bit about earth, the worst of all to him being college. as a demon, he had no reason to attend university, but after he was summoned in the bathroom of a frat house by the school’s power couple; rainbow and reagan, he felt obliged to follow the two around and keep them company.
for seungkwan, his main job rarely required in person work. he usually just chose plots of land to demolish, and sent plans to local managers. the only time he actually had to knock down any trees himself was during his summer break. he has a part time job of course, but it didn't provide him enough cash to survive. for someone with a job as a deforester, he truly did do what he could to save the environment. he joined his schools environmental club, becoming vice president his sophomore year because of his work with them. he kept his job a secret, not even telling his parents where the influx of cash was coming from. he kept a low profile and went through the motions of life. he didn't have much of a social life, with his small amount of friends being from the environmental club.
han jisung found joy in witnessing his professors and fellow students lose their minds over his lack of effort in class. he did the bare minimum and still passed with flying colors. most of all, it angered his seatmate in earth science, who happened to be none other than boo seungkwan. seungkwan was a hard worker in everything he did, particularly in school. he didn't get the best grades, but by no means was he the worst. averaging a steady B+, seungkwan spent most of his nights studying or working, rarely going to parties and enjoying himself only through one person karaoke rooms.
this fact upset jisung. he didn't know why, but seeing seungkwan so tired every day made him feel sad(? jisung wasn't sure what it made him feel. it was an emotion he had never experienced before. rainbow told him it meant he had a crush. to this he threw an empty soda can at them). not to mention seungkwan’s upsetting karaoke addiction, which he knew all about the danger of because of reagan, who spent most of her weekends drunk and singing. jisung didn’t know why he took such a liking to seungkwan. what he did know was that he was ecstatic to find that they would be paired together for a project. a project that required quite a bit of teamwork, and a lot of after school work sessions.
seungkwan liked to think that he didn’t hate anyone. he hated evil people, like hitler and stalin and jyp, but he didn’t really hate anyone besides the worst of the worst. that was until he experienced jisung. he wasn’t sure why jisung always talked to him when he was trying to take notes in class. he especially wasn’t sure why he was so excited to be partnered up together for the project that was worth 25% of their grade. seungkwan was less than happy to have to cooperate with jisung for an extended period of time, and he was not looking forward to letting him into his dorm room, or going anywhere near jisung’s frat house. seungkwan had no idea what he was pushed into.
they planned to meet at the cafe on campus at 5:00 pm after class. seungkwan was less than happy. jisung was thrilled. when jisung arrived seungkwan was sitting at a table drinking an americano and working on an english essay. he wasn't sure how to approach him, slowly walked closer before tapping on his shoulder. seungkwan jolted in his seat.
“jesus fuck jisung. you scared the crap out of me,” seungkwan gasped. jisung’s ears flushed as he brought his hand to the back if his neck.
“sorry,” he started, pausing for a second before starting again, “why don't we get started?”. he swung his bag down to the ground as he took a seat. seungkwan offered a small, non genuine smile before pulling out the project’s guidelines.
“let's try to finish this as quickly as possible. im pretty busy and don't have much time to fool around.” seungkwan said. jisung felt his heart drop. did seungkwan really think that little of him? granted, he always dozed off in class but he got his work done on time and in an orderly fashion. he felt his mind begin to wander. if seungkwan felt this way about him now, how would he feel when he found out that jisung was a demon. would seungkwan start to like him if he knew him better? jisung couldn't figure out why he cared so much about how seungkwan perceived him. he had never had an issue with others opinions of him before, so what made seungkwan so different? for some reason, jisung felt the need to connect with seungkwan. if not for himself, then at least to help him let loose.
after working silently on each of their portions of the projects for 3 hours, jisung finally spoke up. “do you want to maybe come to my party next month? well, it's not my party, it's for rainbow’s birthday. i know you're not one for social interaction but it would be cool to see you there. i’ll give you the details if-”
“i’d love to go,” seungkwan cut off jisung’s rambling. to be honest, he wasn't exactly sure what he was agreeing to, but he knew it would shut jisung up, and seungkwan valued his peace and quiet. part of him also just felt downright bad for the other. he seemed to be trying awfully hard to become friends with seungkwan, and he wouldn’t admit it, seungkwan had started to warm up to the boy. he really wasn’t as much of an issue as he had thought before, and was actually really respectful of seungkwan’s wishes. maybe i’ll give him a chance, seungkwan thought before going back to his work.
over the next month, jisung and seungkwan continued meeting to work on their project. seungkwan was less short with the other, and jisung was still red faced every time seungkwan decided to talk to him, which became quite frequently over the next few weeks. jisung was starting to realize that the feelings he had for seungkwan were not simply platonic, and that he didn’t just want to be friends with him. with the help of rainbow and reagan, he had come to the conclusion that he really, really liked seungkwan, and that he was going to do something about it. remembering that he had invited seungkwan to the party, he devised a plan to not only tell seungkwan about his whole “i’m actually a demon” thing, but also about his true feelings. it wouldn't be easy, but it was what he had to do.
a month later, seungkwan still wasn’t exactly sure why he had agreed to go to jisungs frat house at 9:00 pm on a saturday night. yet there he was, standing on the front porch of a large house, wondering if he should bite the bullet and walk in, or spare himself and leave right then. he didn't get a choice, however, as rainbow and reagan stepped out of the house giggling while clutching onto each other. both stopped in their tracks when they saw seungkwan. the couple and seungkwan stared at each other for a good minute before seungkwan shook himself from his trance.
“hey rainbow!” seungkwan started, “and reagan too. i know we aren’t super close, but jisung invited me and i thought i’d just drop by and wish you a happy birthday.” he passed her a birthday card filled with $50 bucks and then turned to leave. “i’ll leave you guys now. have a great birthday!” before seungkwan could get very far, however, rainbow grabbed him by the arm.
“hey, i’d love if you’d stay! at least go say hi to jisung. i’m sure he’d like to see you,” she said, silently making note to have jisung pay her back for being a great wingwoman.
“he’s probably hiding in the second floor bathroom. if you don't see him in there, just say his name three times in front of the mirror. he’ll appear.” reagan explained. seungkwan thought she was joking. how wrong he was.
following his entrance to the house, he had to refuse not one, not two, but three different people who were looking to give him bottles or cups of something which seungkwan presumed to be various types of alcohol. navigating through the house was difficult, reaching the stairs to the second floor only after running into numerous people borderline fucking on two large couches in the living room, a smoke circle taking place in what seungkwan assumed to be a dining room, and a very aggressive makeout session against a wall. once he finally reached the second floor, he had some difficulty finding the bathroom, accidentally walking in on reagan and rainbow, who had miraculously made it upstairs faster than he had.
“if you don’t stop shitting constantly i am going to break up with you! also, stop taking feet pics! it’s weird!” he heard rainbow shout.
“at least i can eat seafood! how does it make your head hurt? you’re the weakest link! that fucking seafood platter was delicious. and you know what, i’m glad i didn’t have to share it with you!” reagan responded. seungkwan quickly shut the door, not wanting to get involved in whatever drunken argument was going on there. after a bit more searching, he finally stumbled across the right room. knocking first to see if anyone was in there, he entered, and to his surprise, nobody was there. jisung was nowhere to be seen. seungkwan reviewed his options. he could a) leave the party, or b) continue to look around the packed house. but there was another option. he thought about it for a second.
“what's the harm in trying,” seungkwan thought out loud, before staring directly into the mirror.
“han jisung, han jisung, han jisung.”
nothing happened. that's what seungkwan thought, until a minute later the lights in the bathroom flickered off and the mirror began to glow. “what. the. fuck,” seungkwan managed to squeak out before falling backwards into the tub. first a leg emerged, then two arms, and finally the rest of jisung’s body.
“i feel like the genie in aladin every time i have to get into a fucking mirror,” jisung complained before seeing seungkwan toppled over. to that view, he jumped down off the counter and moved to help him up. seungkwan, aside from falling, seemed to be reacting well to the whole situation, at least in the sense that instead of freaking out he seemed to be in a state of shock. jisung took this as a good sign, and lifted the motionless body up onto the toilet seat.
“hey seungkwan, you there?” jisung waved his hand in front of seungkwan's face as he slowly came to his senses.
“what kind of twisted party trick was that?” seungkwan asked, pretty seriously. jisung just laughed.
“you summoned me from the mirror. i’m like a funny version of michael jackson except i'm a demon and not a man in the mirror.” jisung explained. seungkwan just stared. “are you ok kwan? do you want me to get you some water?”
“it was… kind of sick.” seungkwan stated. he didn't know why he wasn't scared. under any other circumstance like this one, he probably would have shit his pants. for some reason he felt comfortable around jisung. he felt warm. he felt seen. it was something he hadn't felt before. that's when he realized. he wondered why it took himself to long to figure it out. he never hated jisung. he just didn't know what to do with the fact that he made him feel special, and that he felt as though he belonged when they were together. it had hit him why he was so nervous the whole night, why he had wanted to make such a good impression, and why he was willing to embarrass himself by calling out jisungs name as opposed to just choosing to go home. it was because he loved him.
“can i tell you something?” both of the boys said at the same time. jisung giggled and seungkwan flushed red. **authors note! bonus starts here**
“you first,” seungkwan offered. he wasn't exactly sure he would be able to make it through a sentence without getting any redder than he already was.
jisung took this opportunity to finally get his true feelings out into the air, “i like you… uhh like, i like like you. i have since we first became seatmates. well, i think that's when i've liked you since. i knew whe-”
“you're rambling again,” seungkwan told him. jisung flushed a dark shade of pink. “it's a habit of yours. i think it's cute actually.” seungkwan wasn't sure where his sudden surge of confidence came from, but he was glad it came. he was standing up now, holding jisungs hands in his. jisungs heart was racing a mile a minute as he looked down at their intertwined hands and them back up, catching seungkwan looking directly at his lips. “can… can i kiss you?” seungkwan stuttered out. jisung couldn't find his words, so he opted to just nod.
when their lips connected, seungkwan could have sworn he heard fireworks. he did later find out that someone was setting off a firework in the back yard, but it was the thought that counted. their lips melted together perfectly, and seungkwan wondered why it took him so long to admit his feelings to himself. he could have been kissing jisung for a month before this.
once they finally parted, seungkwan spoke softly, “i like you too. i think that's pretty obvious now but just in case you didn't know.” jisung had the dumbest, most confused face on, and seungkwan had the brightest smile he'd ever had. seungkwan had rendered jisung speechless, for once in his life. not long after, they started kissing again, content with their emotions and their new relationship.
seungkwan was never one to believe that good things were permanent. he was overdramatic, stubborn, and hated interacting with people outside his small social circle. that was until han jisung came along. he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he could let someone else into his life.
jisung was a simple man. well, not a man, but he was simple nonetheless. he liked banging parties, booze, the boys™, and bitches. well maybe there was one more thing he liked. he knew for sure he liked boo seungkwan. maybe he loved him. maybe seungkwan even felt the same way.
-fin
**BONUS**
reagan and rainbow leaned up against the door to eavesdrop on their matchmaking work.
“holy shit!” reagan gasped.
“what is it?? tell me what happened. you're hogging up the door!” rainbow hissed.
“our boy is so grown up,” reagan pretended to cry. “put your goddamn ear up here.” rainbow felt her ear connect with the cold door just as jisung confessed his feelings.
“i like you… uhh like, i like like you. i have since we first became seatmates. well, i think that's when i've liked you since. i knew whe-” his next words were cut off on the girls side of the door as reagan squealed.
“shut your mouth! seungkwans saying something!!” rainbow said, obviously annoyed that reagan was obstructing her ability to hear the exchange.
“can… can i kiss you?” they heard seungkwan say. both looked at each other in shock.
“oh. my. god.” was all rainbow could say.
“i think we should give them some alone time,” reagan suggested as she tugged rainbow down the hall.
“i think we need some alone time for ourselves,” rainbow said as reagan pushed her into a random room and locked the door behind them.
#kpop#seventeen#stray kids#svt#skz#fanfic#guys i am so sorry#seungkwan#jisung#boo seungkwan#han#han jisung#a birthday gift#miyuuraiura#for you 💕#han jisung x boo seungkwan#jisung x seungkwan#han x seungkwan
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what kinda student do you think tomura was in high school? how do you think he’d behave, like what would you think he’d be like?
Good morning, lovelies ☀️
Oooh! I like this, excellent, excellent question.
Let’s see:
First, I do feel that it’s important to split Shigaraki into Tenko and Tomura. Depending on which timeline we’re transversing, you’re going to see a vastly different kiddo.
On that note, let’s start with Tenko!
Look at that little guy, he is pure and precious and I love him. However, Tenko is already having issues suppressing his mounting quirk awakening and he is deeply repressed and smothered at home.
Now, if his quirk manifestation had occurred less, uh, tragically. I feel that it would be another thing his family (see: FATHER) would want to hide.
That seems to be that guys MO, tbh. Dislike something? Well, better bury that so deep you gotta take it out on your kids. (SORRY. This is not what the ask is about but the Shimura household has me: 😡🤬😤)
If Tenko made it out of his manifestation and his family hadn’t died & continued on their original, er, best?timeline, I think we would see a kid who is either: timid and skittish, OR bitter and sneakily hostile. I like the second, personally.
Even when Tenko was a kid, he pushed at the rules. He knows he’s not supposed to play hero, yet what does he do? He invites the stragglers over and they fucking play hero, damn his dad’s expectations.
I can see him growing into a quiet, but rebellious teen. He might push at the boundaries just to see what kind of reaction he can get from the authority figures that surround him. He would have a small, but close knit circle of friends.
This clique is either: the outcasts, or a hodgepodge of gathered students. Think something like, mm, a collection. That one goth kid, who’s not quite edgy enough? They hang with Tenko. That jock who’s a freaking ace a math? She’s eating lunch at Tenko’s table and the two of them are going to swap formulaic strategies.
That’s the other thing about Tenko: kid is smart, smart, smart. So smart, he’s bored 😑 The material and rigor of work just isn’t cutting it half the time.
With that extra time he’s going to be reading, watching the news, or consuming blogs and channels. There’s a lot of things that bother him about this society of theirs & his dad is right about one thing: Heroes spend all this time, all this energy into helping strangers. Meanwhile, their families are left to pick up the pieces. It’s not sustainable and it’s not right.
Oh? Were you thinking I’d make Tenko a hero junkie? Nah. That’s his sister’s territory. He’ll talk about hero stuff with her, but it’s always edged with some biting criticism. Tenko is more of a pessimist, he’ll leave that optimistic, heroic, bullshit to Hana.
Long story, short: Tenko is the quiet rebel. Teachers know he’s likely behind some of the alternative student newspapers (they’ve been banned, over and over, for their anti government, anti hero, and anti surveillance state content) but Tenko is too smooth, too careful. He’s got that dark hair, big, innocent eyes and he know’s he’s a handsome guy.
You sure it’s him, miss? His father is an upstanding businessman, he would never, ever want to jeopardize THAT.
Now, to Tomura:
Uh, The school would be closed because, oh no, he killed that guy in a fit frustration and rage.
Honestly? While I hate, hate how Tomura was raised, isolated and manipulated, the one thing AFO did that likely helped Tomura, was not sending him to a school.
We’ve had some scenes of how school life is. Well, at least middle school life (I’d argue that UA and other hero schools are strict outliers). Kids are mean and kids can be so, so cruel. Combine that with Tomura’s early, instability and repressed memories? Yeah, that’s a big, bad combo.
I can see the school trying to curb him at first. But, that’s not a long term solution. Besides, his Sensei is telling him to do what he wants, to act on those urges.
Yeah, he’s in and out of suspension and shuttled from class to class. They try small groups, they try individualized instruction, they put him in whatever Japan’s version of Special Education is. In general, he’s the leftover, the kid who’s beyond help. They’ve given up, but legally, they can’t just stamp: OH WELL on his head and call it a day.
Now, AFO is loaded, I guess 🤔 I actually don’t know, but he is hundreds of years old & has access to insane resources, so yeah, he’s rich. ANYWAY. Even if Tomura is expelled, AFO has got the clout and pull to get him into another school, or another program.
So, what’s Tomura like to others? I’d say he keeps away from most. He sees himself as a monster, something that can only destroy and wreck. He’s younger then he is in the manga and anime, so his insecurities and doubts drift into the front of his mind, pulling at him.
That being said, he does have a few friends. Most, like him, are abandoned, lost causes. They stick together and like to intimidate and hound the administration. Oh shit. They’re all huddled over there. They’re not causing in trouble right now...but all it takes is one careless turn of the head.
Tomura and his group listen to no one, especially not teachers, or kids who fit in, and are seen as normal. His rage is close to bursting most days, but AFO pushes him to keep manipulating and jabbing at others. He needs to learn how to lead and to do that he needs followers. AFO is not thrilled with Tomura’s choices, but he wants him to learn from his mistakes. He can always try again.
Being in school just hastens his indoctrination. He can see first hand how kids with strange quirks are discriminated against, pushed into becoming outliers, possible villains. This whole society is disgusting and it needs to be eradicated, preferably before his next science class. There’s a pop quiz and he hates those.
:D
This was fun! Thanks for the ask, nonnie!
#tomura shigiraki#shiragaki tomura#shimura tenko#tenko shimura#asks#answered asks#ken muses#high school#high school shenanigans#what if#honestly it’s a miracle his kill count isn’t higher#god can you imagine
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General gripes about DS9 and gender (some spoilers) (content notes: some references to sexual abuse/trauma, and specifically spiritual abuse/sexual misconduct in religious leaders, also death/murder):
I swear to fuck these people do not know how to write female characters without shoehorning them into romance plotlines. (Or weird fucked up stuff, like when that Cardassian serial murderer kidnaps Kira.) Especially noticeable with Ziyal -- when Kira takes her to DS9, the writers apparently can't think of a single thing to do with a young woman other than ship her with a much older Cardassian. Then, she's starting to get her own life and make a name for her as an artist, and they fucking refridgerator her. The fuck. (And: the focus is on how her death affects Dukat, that fucker. Which, obviously sure it's going to affect him...but it's also going to affect Kira, who sees Ziyal as like a younger version of herself and was trying to protect her. And then Ziyal dies. That should have some sort of effect on Kira! And did no one else on the station make any sort of connection with her when she was there?) This is arguably not primarily a gender thing, but it is partly a gender thing: the show keeps demanding Kira find sympathy for her oppressors, over and over again. (This is a gripe fest: of course there's a lot of things about Kira's character that are done really well.) She keeps getting thrown in situations that show (some) Cardassians in more nuanced lights and that more or less force her into relationships with them, while meanwhile her old resistance cell friends all get killed off, her parents are dead, if she has any other family we don't hear about it, and she's basically left with no Bajoran friends even, as far as we know. She gets Bajoran lovers who... OK, about that. First, Vedek Bareil. Now, Bajorans are shown to have a pretty relaxed attitude towards their clergy (eg Kira is frequently rude to Winn even after she becomes Kai with apparently no consequences) -- but still. Vedek is roughly equivalent to, what, cardinal? He's high up in the heirarchy. And, he's put himself in a role of spiritual authority relative to Kira: she gets access to one of the Orbs through him. They've got a power imbalance and one that's connected to Kira's ability to do her religion. I don't care what the social norms are on Bajor that is 100% sexual misconduct on Bareil's part. If something went wrong in their relationship, it could fuck up Kira's connection to her faith. And in the show it's presented as no big deal.
(Star Trek seems to be aware of this when it comes to ship's captains! For all that Kirk notoriously fucks everyone, he never voluntarily (/outside of the mirror universe, outside of odd transporter malfunctions that split him into two parts, etc) came on to a crew member. But it's no less important for religious authorities.) (Also: this has nothing to do with celebacy. I'm fine with Bajoran religious figures being allowed to have sex and being allowed to have sex outside of marriage. But: a religious leader having a sexual relationship with someone who they're in a pastoral relationship to is wrong, and while Bareil isn't exactly Kira's pastor I think there is some level of, he's providing spiritual guidance to her. That means she's off limits to him, or should be. In the same way that bosses shouldn't fuck their direct reports, college professors shouldn't fuck their students, therapists definitely shouldn't fuck their patients, etc. Regardless of how they handle their sex life outside of those restrictions. And regardless of whether there's love involved or not -- romantic love absolutely does not make it better.) And then there's Shakaar, the former leader of her resistance cell. That she joined as a teenager. It's...yeah, it's been many years, yeah she's not directly under him any more, and yeah goodness knows a band of resistance fighters is probably not going to have a clearly written up sexual harassment policy so it's not necessarily unrealistic...it's not as blatantly "oh god no" as Bareil, but it's got some...is anyone thinking of potential abuse of power issues here? Anyone?
There was one episode where Jake and Nog were double-dating and it goes badly due to Ferengi, uh, gender roles not meshing well with Federation egalatarianism. And, then the rest of the episode is all about how they're going to repair their friendship. And I was thinking: we didn't see either female character either before or after, and why is a sexism issue being shown from the lens of "how can I, a nice guy, stay friends with my male friend who has sexism issues" and not "how am I, a young woman, going to deal with this affront to my basic personhood" or "how am I, a young woman, going to repair my friendship now that I talked my friend into a double date so I could date the guy I liked but his friend turned out to be garbage?" Like...out of all the potential relationships there, why is Jake's friendship with a guy with sexism issues (who's made it clear he's not going to change, at least as far as dating goes) the one presented as being in most need of preservation? I know, it's because Jake and Nog are more central characters and their friendship has been significant in the show for seasons now. But...that just brings up more questions. Like why does this show have a significant bro friendship between two teenage boys, but there's no friendship between two women (or between a woman and a man for that matter) that's given as much weight? There's some bonding between Kira and Dax, but it doesn't have the same presence and significance as Jake and Nog or, say, Miles and Julian. (I'm having first name/last name inconsistencies here. Ah well.) Keiko has no on-camera friendships. Kira has no on-camera friendships that have Jake & Nog or Julian & Miles weight. Dax maybe does with her Klingon buddies from Curzon's lifetime. (Benjamin Sisko also doesn't.) Ziyal could have, but doesn't. Molly could have, but doesn't. Miles doesn't seem to have any (on-camera or otherwise acknowledged) parent friends (like...there's one couple mentioned who can babysit Molly at times? That's it? We never even see them?), which is weird because fuck knows parenthood can make it hard to have any friends who aren't parents. Odo's got his weird frenemy thing with Quark. Garak has his standing lunch with Julian (if you read that as platonic, which ... yeah, there's not a lot of arguments for seeing it as platonic beyond "they're both men.") I am, don't get me wrong, extremely for showing male friendships. Very much for it. It's just...I want friendships that aren't between two guys also. And I want them to be shown as significant and meaningful and worth overcoming obstacles for. Friendships between women, friendships between people of the same race or culture (or alien species, since we are talking Star Trek here), friendships between men and women that aren't just a precursor to romance. And...parenting that isn't just...I want to see Keiko have problems with parenting that she overcomes with help from other people. I want to explore the emotional ramifications of Kira being a surrogate mom to Kirayoshi or being a semi adopted mom to Ziyal and then having her die. I want Kira to talk about how her own upbringing in times of famine and war and occupation affects her sense of her ability to potentially be a parent. I want a female character to calmly talk about her decision to not become a mother and have that decision be treated with the utmost respect. I want the sort of struggles that male characters have with parenting on the show, like Worf's difficulty connecting with his son or Benjamin's conflict over watching his son grow up and get less interested in spending time with his dad, be shown for female characters as well. And the joys, like when Benjamin remembers holding Jake as an infant, like when they reunite after Jake gets caught in a war zone. Rather than parenting be this thing that mom characters apparently do on autopilot without any internal conflict or feeling out of their depth or particular moments of joy and amazement. There's so many plot lines and moments and bits and pieces that could be amazing moments that give
mother characters balance and nuance and characterization, but they only ever get shown for fathers. (And this is not just Star Trek either...look at all the kids movies that are about father/son or father/daughter bonding, and somehow the moms...just aren't there. It's so good when there are single father storylines, just...where are all the mom storylines that could be like that?) And why do teenage boys get focus and their own stories (especially with Jake in DS9, but also TNG has Wesley Crusher and Alexander, and TOS had one story centering on a teenage boy) but girls either aren't there at all or don't get to have stories that are about them? Ziyal's stories aren't about her, she doesn't get to form her own friendships and only barely gets to develop an interest of her own before her life is taken away from her. Molly doesn't get stories that are about her. (And yeah, Molly's a lot younger than Jake, but those are still choices: DS9 could have been set when Molly was a teenager, or the show could have introduced a different teenage girl as a significant character, or Jake could have been a girl rather than a boy, or Benjamin could have had two children...)
#incidentally I have no complaints about how winn is written as a female anatagonist#she's a shitty person and an excellent villain#I have pretty tangled thoughts and feelings on dax#she's had a few really great episodes and it seems like her characterization is starting to make more sense since her relationship with wor#moogie is odd but satisfying as an older woman who lives life on her own terms under a highly patriarchal culture#ds9#feminism#gender and media#women in media
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Amity Ramblings
For my –current- read on Amity, one important thing to consider for myself is that she would NEVER speak up against an authority figure… at least not at this point in time, as of writing this. In episode 3, Amity is clearly frustrated over the Abomination Teacher flippantly giving the Top Student badge to Willow, and then she… Blames the situation entirely on Willow, and never once speaks up against the professor about it. Amity treats Willow as the sole cause of the situation, and not the professor for being so easily swayed. The Professor doesn’t realize how much the badge means to Amity, but to her it means a lot for a number of… disturbing reasons. Amity also makes a point about NEVER getting in trouble with Principal Bump… Then in Covention, Amity doesn’t get mad at Lilith; She focuses her issue on Luz.
And looking at her parents, this just reinforces this belief- That Amity never questions the adults, because her parents have conditioned her to believe that the ADULTS know what’s best for her, that they’re talking; That Amity is just a dumb little kid who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. By enforcing the idea of obeying authority and blindly trusting in it, because don’t you DARE question what the older person has to say… It makes sense that Amity is way too conditioned to speak up against adults. So everytime she’s frustrated by one, she wouldn’t dare vocalize her anger at them; Instead, she’ll find a scapegoat to project her resentment towards, because Amity doesn’t have any other outlet to release her unhappiness on.
(Well, besides herself… But as we can tell, she has REALLY directed that resentment inward at this point, so.)
Not to mention, Amity takes her parents’ opinions very seriously, because if she doesn’t- You get the idea. Keep in mind how strict they are with Amity having one, particular friend- Literally just ONE friend, Willow doesn’t even have to be Amity’s only friend! It can be Boscha & Skara AND Willow… But her parents are so adamant about keeping their daughter ‘proper’. If they’re that strict about a single friend, imagine how controlling they are about their daughter’s personal mentor and tutor, the one who’s meant to make Amity become the strong Witch she’s supposed to be? So Amity doesn’t get mad at Lilith either, because not only is she an adult, but getting mad at Lilith means that Lilith messed up; And it means that Lilith is an imperfect teacher and choice, and thus that her parents didn’t make the perfect decision… You get the idea.
Doubting Lilith is, by extension, doubting her parents and Amity fears the retribution for that in many ways. Not to mention, Lilith is the head of the Emperor’s Coven, the very organization that Amity dreams of getting into… She wouldn’t DARE feel resentment towards Lilith, because that might lead to Amity vocalizing her anger, and thus sabotage her chances at joining the Emperor’s Coven! So Amity definitely looks up to Lilith, but I also fear that she’s lowkey afraid of her as well… Of course, given how much Lilith cares for Eda, and how much she respects her sister’s autonomy; This fear may very well be unfounded, at least towards Lilith herself and not the decision of Amity’s parents. I can see Lilith being much more willing to accept criticism and not really realize that Amity fears Lilith, in part as an extension of her own parents…
So, yeah- To Amity, the adults know best and if anything goes wrong at some point, obviously it’s the fault of some other kid. I get BIG “I’m more mature than other kids my age” vibes from her, you know the ones where a kid thinks that by being quiet and obedient they’re more ‘mature’, especially since adults act like they are… But then they grow up and realize they were just unable to stand up for themselves and as a result end up emotionally stunted. That’s… basically what Amity is, to me; It’s part of why she can be so cold and off-putting to other Witches, amongst OTHER reasons…
Similarly, it’s worth remembering that while Amity may TRY to be all professional and mature and proper, and hold herself to these sacred rules and ideals of strength… She’s still a kid. Amity Blight is still an impressionable dork of a kid who wants validation, is lonely, and when allowed to be herself is a total nerd. She has her moments of being frustrated and impulsive and trying to cope with her emotions and immaturely projecting them onto others, because she’s not allowed to express and handle any frustration in life; Just repress it all under the idea that she’s ‘stronger’ for it.
So you have Amity, who beneath it all can sometimes be petty and mean-spirited, but also still an unprofessional kid. Looking back at Episode 3, I really think that after she cut ties with Willow… I think Amity began to internalize and project some of her own resentment towards herself and her parents, onto Willow herself! Hence why she’s so initially condescending; In order to cope with the pain of losing a friend, Amity tries to justify it by deciding that Willow really WAS too weak to be her friend!
And then she internalizes anger at Willow for having not been strong enough for Amity, for not being ‘worthy’ enough to hang out with her… Because obviously, Amity’s parents are NEVER wrong and if they were, why, it’d imply that Willow suffered unjustly! And at this point, Amity can only really cope with the idea of suffering by justifying it to herself; Particularly when it’s directed at Amity, because then how else can she make sense of the world? What is the alternative; A reality where people are unfairly punished?
No, the adults are right and are always correct, Amity needs SOMETHING to believe in… So instead she just accepts what her parents say at face-value. She resents Willow for not being strong enough to be her friend, for ‘abandoning’ her, because Amity is still a lonely kid who has her immature, petty moments. I know I’m being harsh and I kind of am… But at the same time, my point is that Amity’s pettiness and moments of immaturity are worth considering under the lens that she’s a kid who has undergone emotional abuse and gaslighting. She’s not some cold, calculating bully; Amity is a person with insecurities just like anyone else. In other words… Give her a break, man!
Going back to what I said about Amity projecting her own anger towards her parents at Willow, I think the implication in Episode 3’s beginning… Is that at some point, Amity got the idea to reconnect with Willow, because deep-down she doesn’t REALLY blame her and also she just misses Willow- I know I would! So Amity gets the bright idea to make Willow strong; To make her worthy enough to be her friend, and then she can get away with being friends with Willow again without her parents being mad about it!
Obviously, Amity is the target of abuse and probably doesn’t even realize it, so a lot of the ‘methods’ and tactics she uses, to get Willow to incentivize learning and becoming stronger… Aren’t actually all that helpful and just serve to make Willow feel even worse. As far as Amity knows, all the things her parents did to her worked; So why not do the same to Willow? Amity still believes in the lie that she’s a weak person who has to be beaten into shape, after all…
Then of course when it just makes Willow feel worse and results in her resorting to cheating, Amity holds Willow accountable for this; Because SHE never cheated under the same lessons and guidance of her parents! And she REALLY wouldn’t want to confront the implication that what seemingly ‘worked’ for Amity, is actually making Willow feel terrible… Because that’d imply that Amity feels terrible, and obviously Amity is aware of her own unhappiness! But she may not want to admit its true source, and instead find a scapegoat for it. Again- Why she blames Luz and Willow for her problems in Episodes 3 and 5, and not the teachers who caused the mess to begin with!
TL;DR The Blight Parents are straight-up garbage, utter dumpster-fires who completely messed up their own kid. The Blight Parents are like Look we made a Strong Witch, and I’m just like… NO, you messed up a perfectly good kid is what you did. Look at her, she’s got anxiety, emotional repression, trauma, and self-loathing!
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Under 10,000 Words
16/12/20 - I can never figure out what my favourite length of fic is, but I think it depends on my mood. Sometimes I want a huge, 200,000 word journey, and sometimes I just want a quick drabble. Anyway, here are some fics which are all between 2,000 and 10,000 words, organised by the word count.
Sleep Deprivation by Honey_Honey on AO3. (2,313 words).
Tags: Cute, First Kiss.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: The one where killing monsters leaves Dean without a week of sleep, and Cas has to deal with the consequences.
Notes: This was so fluffy and cute and I can totally imagine Dean overthinking everything while Sam just finds the whole situation hilarious.
That One Time Sam Winchester Googled Something Weird and It Had Pretty Awesome Results by quitepossiblyjanuary on AO3. (2,587 words).
Tags: Romantic Fluff, First Kiss, Stars, Humor, Courtship, Short & Sweet.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: In which Sam Googles something and his curiosity doesn’t kill the cat. Or him. Or anyone. It’s a pretty awesome feeling.
Notes: This was so adorable! Gabe was so sweet, and his mind reading skills made me laugh.
What Can’t Be Seen by destieldrabblesdaily on AO3. (2,639 words).
Tags: Soulmate AU, author!Cas, Strangers to Lovers, First Kiss.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Written for this prompt: Soulmate AU where you first see color after eye contact: Cas is a famous best selling author and he’s promoting his book, so he’s talking to a crowd of people and suddenly his world is in color, and a lot of his fans pretend to be his soulmate. A Cinderella type situation ensues.
Notes: This was really cute and such a sweet and funny idea.
The Tea is Decaf by mnwood on AO3. (3,673 words).
Tags: POV Castiel, Fluff, Sign Language, Castiel in the Bunker, Canon Compliant, Sharing Clothes, Asexual Castiel, Gentle Dean, Non-Explicit Sex, Domestic, Established Relationship.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Based on this text post from thebloggerbloggerfun: “Listen, imagine Eileen sneaking out of Sam’s room at night to go to the bathroom or something and steps out into the hallway in one of Sam’s shirts only to see Cas trying to quietly leave Dean’s room while wearing one of Dean’s shirts and they both just stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before trying to muffle quiet laughter and now they have a late night club where they talk about life and gossip about the Winchesters in sign language"And this anon I received: "what if Eileen and Cas discover there are some things Sam and Dean both do in bed because Dean jokingly gave Sam pointers when they were younger and Sam took the advice”.
Notes: This has to be one of my favourite fics of all time, even though the first time I read it I hadn’t even met Eileen yet! I’m still so pissed off that she wasn’t in the finale (unless we’re counting Blurry Wife?).
surely heaven wants for you by cenotaphy on AO3. (3,782 words).
Tags: Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Heaven, Coda, Post-Finale, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean, Outdoor Sex.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Cas doesn't come to him. Dean can't really argue with that, given the circumstances. In all the history of balls in courts, he thinks there might never have been a ball as thoroughly in a court as this one is in his. He drives for what feels like a long time but might just be a single sunny afternoon, or maybe years (time's funny here, Bobby had said), just enjoying the music, the shifting landscape outside his window, the hum and creak of the engine. Finally the forest opens up and the road narrows down in a way that he's fairly certain wouldn't typically happen on any kind of earthly interstate, and he glides the car to a halt at the edge of a lake.
Notes: This was so beautiful and such a interesting exploration of Dean’s feelings!
a quick salt and burn by xylodemon on AO3. (4,609 words).
Tags: Episode Related, Cemeteries, Case Fic.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: "Fuck," Dean mutters, wincing as pain throbs in his shoulder and neck. After the ghost chucked him into the hedge, he hit the ground like ton of bricks and clipped an exposed tree root so old it was practically petrified. "So much for a quick salt and burn."
Notes: This is adorable and hilarious, so a double win.
Funny Bone by PallasPerilous on AO3. (4,933 words).
Tags: Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Skeletons, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Alternate Universe - No Angels, Canon Divergence, Mild Gore.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: It wasn’t even a particularly creepy skeleton; it was in kind of a “just chillin’” pose on the floor. One ankle was still locked up in a heavy iron cuff, at the end of a short chain leading back to the wall. Snoresville, as dead stuff goes; Dean’s seen worse at Disneyland. It was the skeleton’s comment about Dean’s ass that really livened things up.
Notes: This has to have been one of the funniest fics I have ever read, but oh boy did I feel bad for poor Cas.
Grace by july_19th_club on AO3. (5,164 words).
Tags: Fix-It, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Resurrection, Reciprocated Confession.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: A man dies. What happens next will shock you. [script]
Notes: This was written beautifully, and now I really want to see this filmed! So much better than the ending we got.
(un)conventional by imogenbynight on AO3. (6,100 words).
Tags: Alternate Universe, mechanic!Dean, Writer!Castiel, Conventions, Fluff.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Spec Lit Con--Speckly Con, to it’s regular attendees--is an annual weekend-long event held in Chicago, dedicated to science fiction, fantasy and otherwise speculative literature. This year Dean's favorite author, C.J. Novak, is appearing as a panelist. Naturally, he shells out the cash for an all access pass.
Notes: This was so adorable that I nearly screamed in the corridor outside my computer science lesson. Plus, the writing was absolutely gorgeous! I miss conventions :(
La Vie A Plus by K_K_TiBal on AO3. (6,260 words)
Tags: Punk Castiel, Asexual Castiel, College/Uni AU, Roommates, oh my god they were roommates, College Student Dean, College Student Castiel, Pining, First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Art Student Castiel, Love Confessions, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Tattooed Castiel.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Dean Winchester is hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with his best friend and roommate, Castiel. Castiel - with his blue hair, and his tattoos, and his artwork, and his perfect everything. Dean never stood a chance, really. It only sucks because, as far as Dean can tell, Castiel is definitely not interested. But love, much like art, has a way of being unpredictable. Even if you think you know where you’re going with it.
Notes: The angst is strong in this one! Again, I feel like many aces have had this conversation or that fear that people (allos, especially) may not want to be with them.
Event Horizon by Winglesss on AO3. (6,442 words).
Tags: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Dean, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Past Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Texting, Sharing a Bed, Happy Ending, Veteran Dean, Doctor Dean, Writer Castiel, Strangers.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Castiel couldn't have helped his sister. That's why being offered a chance to help somebody else dealing with suicidal thoughts he took it without hesitation. When he gets the first text from someone who needs his help, nothing goes as he expected.
Notes: I don’t know if that kind of suicide prevention scheme exists, but this fic is very sweet.
I Think That’s Mine by palominopup on AO3. (6,804 words).
Tags: Fluff, AU, Reporter!Dean, Writer!Cas.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: A mix up at the Atlanta Airport places Dean Winchester's laptop in someone else's possession. A series of calls and texts bring two men together.
Notes: This was so cute, Cas was so sweet, and Dean was an icon.
Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime on AO3. (7,865 words).
Tags: Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief, Explicit Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Declarations of Love, Canon Compliant, Minor Injuries.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Maybe it’s the cynic in him. The hunter, always under the surface of any quietude he ever found. Or maybe it’s just that he has always had trouble with blind faith. But after a while (a blink? A decade? A century?), Dean raises his eyebrows, looks around, and says—
“Uh. No.”
It’s so close. Just so slightly imperfect. And maybe, he analyzes, maybe that’s the final knell of this bell called contentment. Dean’s experience with happiness has always been that last rise in the road, right before it turns. Right before fate comes barreling around the corner head on. He turns in his spot on the bridge, and suddenly Sam is like a cellophane film through which he can see the light streaming, and the taste of cheap beer on his tongue is much, much older a memory than it should be.
“Oh, you’re good,” he says, and means it.
Notes: What a great idea, and written so well! I always thought the show could have done so much more with djinns, but never mind.
In the House of the Rising Bun by imissmaeberry on AO3. (9,046 words).
Tags: Bakery and Coffee Shop, Baker Dean, Barista Sam, College Campus, Poet Castiel, Mutual Pining, Daddy Issues, Background Sam/Jess, Past Balthazar/Castiel.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Dean Winchester only has three rules concerning the cafe he and his brother Sam own, “House of the Rising Bun”.
1. Any and all opportunities to make a pun will be taken. 2. Free regular coffee with your student ID (If you want some of that fancy nonsense you gotta pay, sorry kids). 3. Anyone and everyone is always welcome.
Between Dean running the shop full-time and Sam helping out whenever he isn’t in class, there really isn’t a whole lot of time for romance for either of them. But that all changes when they gain a new regular - some writer from London - who may or may not have the bluest eyes Dean’s ever seen.
Notes: First of all, the puns were amazing and I am willing to fight people on that. Secondly, that was so sweet and funny I am afraid I might have to disappear under mysterious circumstances and open my own cafe…
I hope you enjoy these! I haven’t read any new fics for this list and even then there were way too many to put on one list, so expect a sequel at some point in the future!
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More Than Meets the Eye #12- Gay Rights: the Movie
Finally finished with our franchise obligations! Let’s get back to the main story.
Those are some ominous ellipses. Almost like something bad is going to happen!
Let’s take a look at Cover A for this issue.
When this was released to the general public, alongside the synopsis that stated the Lost Lighters were going to run into a group of Decepticons, a lot of people thought we’d be seeing them meet the Scavengers. This isn’t the case, and that’s not Fulcrum. It’s some other K-Con, one that has purple in his color scheme.
Our story opens up with a narrative framing device:
Welcome to “Before & After”, one of the more ambitious issues of MTMTE in terms of storytelling. Roberts really likes bouncing between scenes and POVs, and he’s really indulging that here.
Rodimus and crew have loaded up on one of the Lost Light’s scouting ships to check in on a planet called Temptoria. Whirl’s leading all the guys in the front in a war cry that wouldn’t be out of place in Hollywood’s version of the Vietnam war, while Brawn demonstrates how to not properly handle a gun. Rodimus tries to explain what exactly they’ll be doing, but no one’s listening, feeding off of the chaotic energy. The back seat isn’t quite as rowdy.
Oh, Ambulon’s here? That’s got to be awkward. And Perceptor’s looking mighty cross about having to pick up a gun again. Isn’t he supposed to be retired from being a science sniper?
Rodimus finally gets everyone to settle down long enough to explain the situation, though not without a little jargon mixup.
Basically, Ultra Magnus went down to Temptoria while the “Shadowplay” story was being told, and found out that the organic populace had been enslaved by a group of Decepticons, and, more importantly, the sovereign agreement that the planet had with Cybertron’s been violated. Also, these guys might have been the one’s who kidnapped the Circle of Light. You remember those guys, right? The guys who were supposed to be in the 2012 Annual, but they weren’t, and Drift got really mad about it.
Rodimus wraps up the briefing with a “’Til all are one!” And we cut over to see what Swerve and Tailgate are up to. Tailgate seems to be a little nervous, not the type to enjoy waiting, but Swerve seems to be doing just fine. Why is that, exactly?
Even if Rung’s still a steamed side dish of a vegetable, he’s still here, in a way. And good on Swerve for not assuming Tailgate can visualize in the same way he can. Aphantasia is more common than one might think.
Escapism is an interesting way of dealing with your problems, but I don’t know enough about wartime psychiatry to know if this is something that would actually be considered a viable solution or not.
Oh, now that I’ve said it, I’ve got the research itch.
Later, later.
Anyway, Tailgate gives it a spin, and his happy place is surprisingly domestic for such a seasoned professional.
Pipes, it’s a clear glass, it’s not hiding anything from you.
Speaking of Pipes, he’s seated next to Hound, as they discuss what happened to Red Alert. Or, rather, the cover story that’s been fed to the rest of the crew by Rodimus, which is that the engine room pretty much attacked him. This is how ghost stories get started.
Trailcutter’s gotten some guns installed in his legs, because he’s a hypocrite.
Over with Chromedome and Rewind, there’s trouble in paradise, as they’re having a lovers’ spat. Chromedome’s giving Rewind the silent treatment, and Rewind’s having none of it. What exactly are they fighting about? We don’t get to know about that yet, but it’s digging up other issues, like Chromedome going back on his promise to stop injecting. The only thing keeping this from becoming a total meltdown is Whirl can-canning through the door to kidnap Rewind, so he can film Whirl getting in the zone before the fight. Whirl’s having a great time. This is probably the first time they’ve gotten to fight something since the Lost Light took off, and he’s all about it.
Rewind’s dragged away, and Chromedome just lets it happen, because he’s feeling cross. It’s good to take a moment to cool off, but I’m not quite sure this was the best time or way for it to happen.
Meanwhile, on the Temptorian surface, Blip the Decepticon, who is likely the dirtiest son of a gun we’ve run into so far, is asked to take a look at the monitor by a guy who sounds exactly like Megatron. It doesn’t particularly matter which Megatron, because comics are not an audio-based medium, so you can pick whichever one you like best. What’s on the monitor does not please Blip in the slightest.
I feel like maybe having guys who don’t turn into flying machines jump out of the bottom of the shuttlecraft isn’t the greatest tactical thinking, but I’m sure everything will be okay. Brawn’s got a gun, maybe he’ll figure out how to rocket-jump before he hits terminal velocity.
Then the narrative jumps to after the fight, as the ship flies away from the scene, and Chromedome isn’t happy. It’s for a different reason than earlier, though.
Man, Pipes just can’t win, can he?
Ambulon remembers that he is, in fact, a medical professional, and starts working on Rewind, while Chromedome tries to ask Swerve just what the hell happened. Swerve’s having his own issues, however.
I’d nearly forgotten they had skeletons.
On the production side of this issue, we’ve got two artists: there’s our usual guy, Alex Milne on the “Before” sections, and Brandon Cahill on the “After”. Cahill’s other Transformers work includes The Transformers (2009) and the sister series to MTMTE, Robots in Disguise. Outside of the franchise, he’s worked on several Marvel pieces, including writing Sable & Fortune and Legion of Monsters. Unlike a lot of the alternate artists we’ve seen for the series, Cahill won’t be a one-and-done; we’ll see his art again in Dark Cybertron, Season 2 of MTMTE, and even Lost Light.
Getting back to the story, we’ve jumped back to the point in the battle where everyone’s hit the ground and are just wailing on each other. Tailgate and Swerve watch the chaos unfold, as Ultra Magnus more or less takes on a platoon of Decepticons.
Drift’s having a great time, as he Naruto runs through the enemy, slashing as he goes with a big ol’ smile on his face. He stabs a guy in the back of the head who was trying to grapple with Rodimus, thus interrupting the little dialogue they had going on. Rodimus is vaguely upset that his moment was cut short.
In the “After”, the shuttle’s landed back on the Lost Light, and Chromedome rushes out with Rewind in his arms to find First Aid with a motorized stretcher. He was hoping for Ratchet- he wants only the best for his shnookums. As they run Rewind down to the medibay, Chromedome starts listing off his allergies- which include ultraviolet light, something we know reveals mnemosurgery scars. This is a holdover from a dropped plot point I’ll cover at a later time; as it stands in the canon narrative, Rewind’s just got an allergy to the friggin’ sun.
Back at the shuttle, Tailgate starts dragging Cyclonus down the gangplank. Oh, hell. You know it’s a bad situation when the guy who literally couldn’t die for six million years is out of commission.
Spoke and Lockstock are a bit of a gag- they always manage to get their asses kicked, but everyone on the ship really likes them. They will never be seen on-panel, and have no character designs.
Over in the medibay, history is being made.
Esteemed members of the jury, I present to you: canon gay robots. The first in a long line of them. This is the starting point of the queer community being handed the Transformers franchise on a silver platter.
Up to this point, Roberts hadn’t gotten any further than implied attraction and affection between robots, in either his fanworks or professional credits. Pretty heavy-handed implication in some cases-
-but implication nonetheless. Here is the first, honest-to-god direct confirmation of two male-coded robots in love.
In love and space-married and recognized by the authority in power, in a comic written in 2012, as a part of a major franchise owned by a massive American company, three years before same-sex marriage would be legalized on a federal level.
As part of the story, it’s great. Within the context of the time during which it was published, it’s a whole other level. This wasn’t just good writing, it was important.
Let me part the kimono a little here, with some personal backstory- I grew up in Buttfuck Nowhere, NC, and went to a high school that was so homogeneous, they were threatening to bus students in after I graduated. I didn’t know what a gay person even was until I was 12. “Lesbian” was used as an insult, and it was one I was subjected to because I had cut my hair short in middle school and wore cargo shorts on occasion. It was something I really pushed against, because that’s how a lot of people react to being forcibly given a label.
Not the best environment for a little queer kid, clearly.
It wasn’t until well after I’d gone to college that I really started understanding who I was. Hell, I’m still figuring some things out, but at least I’m getting somewhere.
I remember reading this for the first time in 2015- yes, I got into the comics sort of late- and then having to reread it. I needed a moment just to process what had happened. As a person who had only recently come to terms with their sexuality at the time, it was kind of mind-blowing to have that sort of representation, especially since I was also watching Transformers Prime at around the same time. Talk about the duality of man, am I right?
These days, there’s a lot more representation in many different forms of media. Things are getting better. Which, y’know, yay! I’m glad. I just can’t help but wonder if things would have been a little different if this sort of representation had been available earlier on.
Anyway, so yes, Chromedome’s got a difficult choice to make for Rewind- either let his body try to sort itself out, or let First Aid break out the clamps and try to jumpstart him. Rewind’s got a relatively rare spark type, but luckily Chromedome’s the same type. Looks like everything’s coming up roses for our boys!
Tailgate and Cyclonus aren’t getting nearly as good a break.
My god, he’s filled with grape soda!
Back in the “Before”, things are getting a little silly.
Chromedome, what POSSIBLE tactical advantage could you be gaining from riding the giant, fire-breathing robot dinosaur? This is why they threw you in Kimia, isn’t it? Because you’re a dumbass.
While this bullshit is happening, Rewind and Tailgate are stacked on top of each other to look through a window, because I guess that’s just how things turn out when the resident couple on the ship is upset with one another. Rewind’s found something, but it isn’t the Circle of Light. Rather, it seems the Decepticons are dabbling in Pink Alchemy- a rather inefficient process that allows organic creatures to be turned into energon for consumption.
The good guy thing to do would be to save all the organics, but there’s a bit of a problem- the door is wired to a massive bomb. Good thing Tailgate was in Bomb Disposal, and is just generally an impressive and well-established dude. He gets to work.
Getting back to a point I made during Chaos Theory, Whirl can’t make a fist. Punching himself in the face is probably more akin to slashing it.
Tailgate’s got a weird approach to bombs, taking the time to teach Rewind how to do it, by way of student-led learning. They decide to poke a hole in the bottom of the bomb to drain all the explosive fluid out, which Tailgate does with little robot tears streaming down his face. Fear is a great motivator.
Oof, not a “Domey” in sight. That’s how you know things are rough.
Outside of this little scene, Whirl and Cyclonus are handling Decepticons. Whirl’s got a hold on that guy who’s voiced by Frank Welker, and we get a nice shot of his sad cat face before Whirl turns his head into a memory.
Swerve- who is also here- asks Whirl to loan him a gun.
GODDAMMIT SWERVE.
Not a single one of you bastards know proper gun safety! Between all the severe depression and reckless weapon-handling, I genuinely have no idea how the hell are any of you are still alive.
In the “After”, Chromedome’s just finished jumpstarting Rewind, and it’ll take a bit to see if it worked, so he’s left alone with his thoughts.
Just kidding, Tailgate’s come over to check in. Seems like Cyclonus is gonna pull through, something Chromedome’s not terribly thrilled about. Chromedome’s still miffed about the whole Kimia thing.
We finally learn why Chromedome and Rewind were fighting; it was because Rewind, as a walking historical database, has been deemed too important to die, and can opt out of any fight he choose to, but he doesn’t, thereby putting himself in harm’s way unnecessarily. Maybe he just worries about you when you go out there on the battlefield alone, Chromedome, you ever think of that? Maybe he doesn’t want to wonder when his husband will return home from the war.
Tailgate asks about all the little vials that are scattered around Rewind’s hospital bed, and we get a little Cybertronian tradition thrown at us.
The vials are filled with innermost energon, the stuff that surrounds the spark casing and never changes, no matter how much you modify or upgrade your body. Leaving a little of the stuff for someone in an offering signifies that you care very much for that person. Chromedome can’t give Rewind any, because he was “born dry”, but I think being space-married to the guy more than makes up for it.
Tailgate asks how the two of them met, and unlike in issue #6, Chromedome is feeling vulnerable enough to indulge the question this time.
But first we need to establish that Chromedome is insanely insecure.
So, Rewind is fucking old. He’s older than the Cybertronian civil war, he’s older than the calendar system, and he’s old enough to have been affected by Functionist society’s categorization system. Due to being a memory stick- something that there were millions of back in the day- Ratioism dictated that Rewind as an individual was worth very little, and made him and his like into slaves. Because he was a slave, he needed a master, and that master was none other than Dominus Ambus, also known as Cybertron’s Mech of the Year for 40,000 consecutive years.
Even on Cybertron, there’s a weird stigma about breastfeeding.
Rewind and Dominus quickly became friends, because that’s just the sort of guy Rewind is, and it made Dominus realize that maybe these slaves Cybertron had been working to death were sentient creatures worthy of respect too. He even developed a test to prove that all the slave classes were on the same level of functionality as everyone else.
On their quest to find a cure for the horrible disease Cybercrosis, Rewind and Dominus fucked off into space, on a wild goose chase to try and find Luna 1, the Cybertronian moon that just disappeared one day. Weird, that. They didn’t find it, and by the time they’d come back home, the war was well underway. They immediately became Autobots, and that was it for a while.
Then we move on to how Chromedome and Rewind met, and boy is it a doozy.
Chromedome had decided he wanted to kill himself, so he moseyed on over to the nearest relinquishment clinic- they did assisted suicides instead of body-swaps at this point- to do the deed. He was sitting in the waiting room, when he heard someone screaming. He wandered into the back to find Rewind weeping over a coffin, and he thought to himself “Maybe I don’t need to die after all” as he offered his future conjunx a shoulder to cry on.
What a fucking dark start to a relationship.
Rewind wasn’t upset about anyone who was dead though, but rather missing- Dominus had disappeared into thin air months ago, and Rewind was getting desperate to find him, looking in more and more awful places in the hope of recovering what he’d lost.
As it turns out, he’s still doing that. The reason the two of them are on the Lost Light is because Rewind needs to find Dominus- alive or dead, it doesn’t seem to particularly matter at this point. That’s why he buys snuff films in dark alleys.
See, Tailgate gets it.
Guys, bad news.
Chromedome’s spark is too weak to jumpstart Rewind. Unless they find another compatible donor, Rewind’s gonna be in big trouble. There’s nothing to do but wait.
Later, in their room, Chromedome is sitting on the floor and very much not following doctor’s orders to get some sleep. Someone on the opposite side of the door he’s leaning up against starts talking to him. Chromedome doesn’t seem to want to hear any of it, until he does.
Given who the basement dweller is, this probably won’t turn out so hot.
Chromedome gets a call from the medibay, and fortunately the universe has decided to play nice this go around, because someone came forward as a match.
But it’s not like Whirl cares about anyone, right? Not in the slightest, nuh-uh, not him!
While Chromedome gives Whirl what is probably an uncomfortably long hug, and they both most likely ignore the fact that Chromedome would be actively suicidal without Rewind, Tailgate’s off in the corner, having taken his hand off and begun pouring cartoon toxic waste into a vial. It’s actually his innermost energon. Boy’s making an offering, but it isn’t to Rewind.
It’s to this ungrateful fuck.
Cyclonus stalks away from Tailgate’s kindness, until he’s stopped by witnessing the power of love.
Everyone likes Rewind, and these displays of affection seems to have reminded Cyclonus that he’s horrifically lonely. Feeling some remorse over his actions- not that he’ll ever admit it out loud- he goes back to help Tailgate pick up the pieces of the vial he broke.
Wrapping up our story, we go back to the “Before”, right before the bomb is set to go off. Whirl and Cyclonus have more or less taken care of the Decepticons, Whirl suggests they set aside their differences and agree to stop trying to murder each other, in a surprising show of reason and, perhaps, self-preservation. Cyclonus doesn’t seem to agree with the idea.
I genuinely think that’s the most he’s said all series up to this point.
Rewind calls the two idiots over for help, because Tailgate’s about to pull a self-sacrifice to get this bomb emptied, and he just isn’t listening to reason. Cyclonus assists.
Once Tailgate’s been fastball-specialed out of the room, Whirl decides to get back to being a bastard, and locks Cyclonus and Rewind in with the bomb with 10 seconds left on the clock. Ah, so the donation was out of guilt, I see. Still a form of caring, in its own way.
With no way to escape, all Cyclonus can do is attempt to shield Rewind with his body as the bomb goes off.
That’s the end of the issue but it’s the middle of the story, and despite what Cyclonus says, dynamics are changing. Slowly, but surely, things are shifting. He’s headed for a lot of character development, and he’ll be kicking and screaming the whole way.
#transformers#jro#mtmte#issue 12#maccadam#Hannzreads#text post#long post#overthinking about robots#incoming analysis#comic script writing
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Boruto, ep 3-6
I realized that I would expect anyone reading all this to be familiar with Shippuden, but there are probably a lot of people who haven’t made the plunge of actually watching Boruto, so I should provide a bit of context.
This early part of the series is basically the school time adventures of Boruto and his friends. He and the other next gen kids have only started Academy and the episodes are broadly a mix of their hijinks and some generic character beats like the kid with a controlling father, the kid with an attitude because he failed to graduate twice, the mysterious transfer student, etc.
In additional, there is an ongoing plot about something possessing people in moments of weakness and making them act out violently. For some reason, Boruto is the only one able to actually see this dark energy and he was able to summon a spectral monster related to it.
As a whole, it’s not outstandingly bad, but it’s not gripping either. If I consider it from the perspective of “what if this wasn’t a Naruto spinoff, would I keep watching?”, there’s nothing that would make me drop it, but if it doesn’t develop some draw, I’d probably give up after maybe a dozen episodes anyway. It lacks Naruto’s more interesting setting (since the ninja stuff is barely utilized) and the character stuff is much weaker since it’s more generic, nothing on the level of the main character being ostracized for having a demon sealed inside him and then nearly killed by a traitor, or the first villain bragging about how he murdered a class full of kids as a child.
Probably the most interesting thing to me so far is Boruto, though mostly from the perspective of expectation vs reality. He’s much cuter in this than the movie!
We don’t see much of his daddy issues at the moment because Naruto is barely present, but in contrast, Boruto is extremely chill about everything else that comes with being the Hokage’s son. He doesn’t react much at all to accusations of riding his father’s coattails or complaints about favoritism toward him. Other people get mad on his behalf, but Boruto seems to accept that people are going to talk and doesn’t let it affect him. A fairly rare take.
He’s also a nice if generic kid. He does cause trouble, but he’s immediately worried if it looks like someone actually got hurt (Metal, Chocho on separate occasions). He also covers for Denki and in other cases, not having an issue taking blame if it helps someone else. Unlike Naruto, he’s skilled without being ridiculously OP and fairly smart in terms of bookwork. Overall, quite cute.
I think his friendship with Shikadai is funny from the meta perspective, since it’s basically the Naruto and Shikamaru friendship that never made any sense to me, but now it works because of their fathers’ respective positions (the more levelheaded kid of the Hokage’s advisor being tasked from childhood to manage the troublemaking Hokage’s son). It does seem a bit sad that Shikadai isn’t close to Chocho or Inojin (that we’ve seen so far). Inoshikacho suffered in this generation.
General stuff:
Shino is a teacher is funny, but it’s also kind of weird because this shouldn’t be his first year teaching, given his age, yet he’s completely out of his depth. He also does weird stuff like punish Inojin, Shikadai and Metal for trouble that Boruto alone caused. In yet another round of “how old are these kids,” he feels his class is at the right age for large stuff animals...
Konohamaru summons toads (specific name: Gamagoro). Kinda sad about the monkeys not getting more play instead.
I’m sick of fangirls in anime. Enough already, this is stupid.
“Battle of the sexes”
I don’t understand what was going on with the sealing lessons. They learn about summoning animals, which they can’t do without a contract, but then they move from that to learning to.... “summon” weapons, except that weapons have always been stored inside the scroll, not summoned from elsewhere. Are these really the same kind of seal??
Boruto summons a monster, and Shino only notes how that would take more chakra than Boruto has... but not that Boruto has no contract and shouldn’t be able to summon any creates at all, especially not from a scroll that was supposed to contain a weapon?
There’s a girl with a tail accessory. Is this the Kiba-catgirl child?
There is another Academy dropout that is quick possessed villain. Maybe teaching ninjutsu to randos was a bad choice. Just maybe. They still don’t seem to have any cops, also.
Mitsuki is supposedly from Oto. It is being reconstructed as a new village.
Shino doesn’t wear the scifi visor when he’s off work.
The construction team rebuilding the Academy seem to be shinobi, based on their uniforms?
Iruka is the principal.
Shino’s skills are jounin-level, which implies he himself isn’t a jounin?
The adults are aware about the weird possessions going around, but I’m not sure why the kids still don’t say anything, even when Shino notes to them that he realized something was wrong. It was a great opening? I get Boruto the problem child not going to an authority figure, but what is Shikadai’s deal? Their teacher was literally trying to kill them and he doesn’t think this needs to be told to an adult?
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