#i feel like online love is Underappreciated but that’s another story

[hopeymchope]

True confessions from an RE:Zero convert

This might be more of a ramble than my better-organized reviews, but I have a lot to get off my chest.

Personal Backstory: The stuff you skip when reading a recipe

For a long time, I avoided isekai stories. They were so pervasive in anime/manga that I found them quite annoying.

When I first caved, it was only for comedies. I figured that, hey, they're taking the piss out of the genre; that sounds up my alley. So I felt it was safe to enjoy Konosuba. After that, I fell in love with Trapped in a Dating Sim... and to my surprise, it wasn't solely engaging for its overarching comedy. There was more characterization and interpersonal relationship stuff that grabbed me in that one.

That's probably what made me feel more receptive when I saw a couple of people call out Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion as an underappreciated anime highlight of 2023. I gave it a shot one afternoon with only mild expectations for it, and guess what? I adored it.

Yet despite ALL THAT? My expectations for RE:Zero were close to the floor. Raeliana had opened the floodgates, leading me to try some other isekai stories... yet I repeatedly found the ones I tried quite lacking. Furthermore, almost everything I'd read about RE:Zero over the years had been resoundingly negative in spite of its seeming popularity — a real "Sword Art Online" situation, basically.

But eventually, I was curious enough about why some people are invested in these characters that I started giving it a watch. These low expectations left me perfectly disarmed when it began to weave its spell over me.

Storytelling and Worldbuilding: Returning by death

You can neatly divide the show into story arcs, each representing a unique event/hurdle that the protagonist has to get past using his unique power.

The first arc of the story is mostly just setup for some of the important characters and the basic conceit. Our freshly isekai'd Japanese protagonist, Subaru, meets and bonds with a half-elf girl named Emilia, only to soon get tragically murdered. However, he just restarts his life from roughly one day earlier. He can go back in time by dying, giving him a new chance to take new approaches to situations and to accumulate knowledge via loops. Eventually, his "save point" advances to a new point in time... but what causes that to happen is left unknown for now. Making matters even worse is that if he tries to tell anyone about this superpower/curse, he feels intense chest pain as though he's about to be killed... so he has to keep this under wraps. (Though I still wish he'd try to tell people that he can't tell them. We never see if that'd work.)

With Subaru and Emilia established, the second arc introduces the most important supporting characters — Beatrice, Roswaal, Rem and Ram — and also puts one of them through a significant stretch of development. And finally, the third arc takes up the bulk of the series' first season, dealing with... frankly, a LOT. There's a lot crammed into it. You could even argue that it's got multiple smaller arcs stacked inside of it, and that would make complete sense. The third arc definitely does the bulk of the world-building/stage-setting for the future of the series, but there are details and background provided all throughout to get you up to speed on how people think here, how the government works, some of the existing races, etc.

I was initially taken aback by now blasé Subaru is about being transported to another world. This isn't a "death and reincarnation" thing like I've seen in most isekai stories; Subaru just blinks, rubs his eyes, and suddenly he's in a fantasy world just like that. And he... is completely unconcerned and unimpressed by that? It's a weird choice. Combine that with a point late in the first arc where he literally talks to the camera, and I thought maybe we were getting some kind of Deadpool-esque comedic commentary on isekai conventions.

It's the severity of the violence and related agony that makes me take it more seriously than that. I still find animated blood and gore extremely affecting — moreso than fake blood in live-action. That's probably because I was raised on Western animation that contained little to no sign of such violence, whereas Western movies and TV are full of corn syrup and other blood stand-ins. I'm just saying that when the deaths/kills come around in RE:Zero, they hit hard and often quite intensely. They're not showing entrails hanging out (even if they talk about it), but you can expect to see snapping bones and arterial spray. It's still a minority of the time, though; this is NOT a gorefest, and it's better off for that fact. When you suddenly get two minutes of ultraviolence after four episodes of relative peace, that makes it feel all the more effective.

It's not lookin' good there, chief.

I'm an easy mark for this stuff. Some of my primary entry points into anime were horror anime, so playing up this kind of horror gets me to sit up and take notice. It's not going to be anywhere near enough to keep my attention, though. I've certainly watched AWFUL horror anime that had nothing to boast about beyond their gore levels. That's where the quality of RE:Zero's character writing really saves the day.

What's really important to understand is that, through the strength of its gradual buildup of intensity helped along by showing the repeated consequences of failure Re:Zero manages to make some of the big anime shōnen  battles EXTREMELY hype! And yet, thanks to the great characterization? One of my favorite episodes in the whole show is an ep where two characters are just talking the entire time from a single location. THAT is the mark of something I love: If two characters holding a discussion for nearly half an hour has me COMPLETELY GLUED to it.

I've glossed over season two here because, although it still has some excellent moments, it's just not as good as the first. A big part of that is because it's just one giant-huge arc that covers all 26 episodes... and that's a LOT of time to spend on a single ongoing challenge/hurdle. It not only becomes exhausting and kind of boring to be confined to this problem/situation for so goddamn long, but it also makes it extremely obvious when Subaru is going to reach his final time loop and succeed. So once you piece together that the entire season is going to be stuck on this one arc, you realize you're stuck just waiting for him to get close enough to the season's end to finally achieve real progress. Once he does, though? It weirdly manages to feel like it's too soon -- like he didn't do enough to prepare all the problems at hand and somehow just won this time around because he tried super duper hard. There's also the fact that my favorite character from the first season is entirely sidelined (and apparently won't be in season 3 EITHER) — and nobody new manages to step into any similar shoes to pick up the slack.

Sounds like a good time to talk about that that character... as well as the rest.

Characters: The value of growth and change

One of the reasons I got into this so much is because the characters have flaws, go through changes, grow and develop. Rem is an early standout of this. As is apparently a common opinion, she quickly became my favorite character. Her shift from being suspicious and disdainful of Subaru to being 1000% supportive of him is EXTREMELY well-handled, and her sympathetic backstory is also one that we get before most other characters share their own. But when you get down to brass tacks, the main reason I think she's great is because she flips out and goes into violent combat mode whenever anyone she cares about is threatened. :D That's always a favorite archetype of mine. I love me a bloodstained hero or heroine who will march through hell and take any measure of punishment to save someone. Honestly, it makes it hard to understand why he'd so hooked on Emilia when Rem is so peak. And as I mentioned above, a big downside of season 2 is that Rem is completely absent past the first episode. In fact, she won't even be in the upcoming season 3!!! Alas, there is no "person who absolutely tears shit up and covers themselves in the enemy's blood to protect the ones they care about" character who steps in and picks up the slack, so I'm missing my favorite archetype after the first season. TSK.

She's not a princess (a lot of anger in it). Not your cutie girlfriend, oh no, don't you know?

I find it literally depressing that, to date, Rem is STILL not truly back in the cast of the source light novels - not in any way that matters. She makes her cameos via illusions or flashbacks or what-have-you, but she's not really there until she's physically AND mentally present once again. So until she returns to the team with all her memories (and therefore, her all-important character development) intact, I must legitimately ask: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, NAGATSUKI?!

Enough about Rem: We need to talk about the lead protagonist. Subaru is pretty brave throughout all this but really has to grow over the course of the first season and learn to be less self-serving and invest a lot harder into self-improvement. It's nice to see someone who clearly has blatant personal flaws but also is never a detestable person. I actually first saw him when I watched a few episodes of Isekai Quartet a couple years back, and frankly? I found him pretty loathesome over there. I was fully prepared for him to be a shitheel that I was inexplicably expected to like. I'm so glad that this isn't the case. In fact, I love having a character who wears his heart on his sleeve. He's not too manly to weep openly, and he's not afraid to act like a total doofus... or maybe he’s not smart enough sometimes to realize when he does. And although he may be frequently selfish and kind of stupid on multiple occasions, he never becomes one of those perverted male characters or too egotistical. Well... he gets a bit egotistical at times. Too much for someone like me, but... still not overmuch compared to many, many anime protags.

Panic! After Repeated Trauma

And yet... he does get a bit exasperating by the end of season two, imo. Partly because he doesn't grow too much in season two. At least he gets to confront his bottled-up feelings over leaving his homeworld behind, so that's nice. But otherwise, he's pretty much treated as this perfect man whose only major remaining flaw is a lack of combat skill. By the time you've got him convincing yet ANOTHER long-lived character to never give up and put all their faith into him personally just like he's done multiple times before, and it yet AGAIN works? The swelling music and the emotional reaction of the characters to him speechifying about how he'll always be there for them and needs them... that lands well maybe two times, but by this point — when he's talking to a character who has mostly treated him with disdain/avoidance and whom he's only hung out with maybe five or six times — it's pretty hard to swallow, honestly. But I'll try not to hold that against Subaru... I just want him to show some more flaws in future stories that go beyond just "He's not good at fighting." I want him to lose more arguments again. Besides, one of the best things in season two is when his mind starts to crack under the stress and pain of all the deaths he's endured. I think we should dig deeper into that.

I honestly love seeing a hero begin to crack under the pressure.

I kinda cheated by talking about Rem before Emilia. Emilia's the main female lead, after all, whereas Rem is a supporting player. The thing about Emilia, though, is that she's good and noble and pure-hearted from the start. She doesn't grow at all during season one, though at least she does show us a different side of herself when she questions Subaru's behavior during their argument. Season two sees her face her past and gain new inner strength, but she still undergoes far less change than Subaru or Rem in even just the first season. I'm glad they took the time to show her failing and then needing to learn in order to move forward, but Emilia's maybe just a little too perfect, y'know? One thing that garners her a lot of sympathy is that most everyone who meets her dislikes her just for being born a silver-haired half-elf. So many people associate that with one of the gravest threats to ever exist in this world that Emilia has to endure a lot of racism, and honestly? Confronting that racism is when the character is most engaging. So while Emilia is clearly likable and not totally uninteresting, she's not as interesting as a lot of the other players in the story. Most of the characters run deeper than her or have more mysterious goals. Compared to them, Emilia is an open book who rarely changes. The author of the books has said that Emilia is his favorite character, and maybe that's why he never sees much need to develop her. I think it does her a disservice.

On top of being beautiful and kind and intelligent, Emilia is also a powerful combatant. Because of course she is.

Her relationship with Subaru is a major focus, but it seems sort of hollow at first. Subaru admires her kindness/helpfulness and thinks she's beautiful, so he follows her around and dotes on her as much as he can. It's easy to see why he'd admire someone so good-hearted, but it starts to become a little cringe just how obsessively he dotes on her... and that cringiness peaks right around the moment when the two have a big argument and a falling out. It's an important scene that helps both characters, because it shows us Subaru's flaws on full display and also makes him confront just how cringey his devotion to Emilia can come off. Emilia, meanwhile, walks away to spend time without him for a while... though she never really rejects him, either. She really struggles with being independent. She keeps thinking about him and wishing he'd come back and make up with her. Clearly, she's gotten addicted to having a Hype Man around... and goddamn, I can't even blame her. Subaru looks at Emilia the way Stilgar looks at Paul Atreides. Who doesn't want that level of positive reinforcement available 24/7? By the end of season two, although both of them have grown, Subaru's still relentlessly hyping her up. He did criticize her (softly) in one major season two moment, but despite his claims otherwise, he still acts like she's an angel on Earth. And so, although he pool of their romance has grown deeper, it still feels like we've stepped out of the kiddie pool and into the shallow end. It means a lot more to see a character and their feelings grow and change over time, y'know? I suppose part of why we don't see that happening much is because Emilia is treated as so flawless to begin with.

Something I love in a long-running story is when a minor background character slowly starts to appear more frequently until - surprise! - they become a major cast member and full-time supporting player. Season two does this very successfully, and I love the character they expanded and brought into the cast. I feel like I shouldn't say too much about them for anyone who's a newcomer, because the gradual increase in their presence is so enjoyable. But it's a character who first appears in season one and has to wait numerous episodes of season two before they become important enough to get a front-row seat. It's very satisfying to watch them shift slowly from "fifth-tier supporting character who shows up for two scenes" into "major player."

Other characters? Ram is Rem's sister, and she's... not exactly a wealth of depth. Not yet, at least. She's mostly there to act tsundere. Her exact relationship with Roswaal remains hazy by the end of season 2, but she's clearly devoted to him and he's clearly doing... something for her? Roswaal and Beatrice both get by on acting mysterious. We learn a lot more about them in season two, and what we learn makes it hard to tear your eyes off Roswaal especially — he's a fascinating and weird bastard. Puck is a cat-like spirit with a lot of power and a very mischievious attitude. There's a surprising darkness lurking within him that keeps him from being some cute mascot-type. Season 2 also brings us some new characters whose long-term presence among the cast is still in question, but Echidna (not an Australian monotreme) is a standout. She really made me question everything I thought I understood about the moral good-and-evil situation in this reality.

Get those eyebrows under control. We ARE on television, y'know.

Serial Killin'

The series a whole is SO serialized and SO intense that it's really hard to watch it with gaps in-between episodes. Even taking one day off from the show mid-viewing proved too agonizing for me, so I was really grateful I could tear through seasons 1 and 2 in a rapid binge. I say this because... yeah, I don't see myself watching season 3 as it airs. Maybe I'll do a binge for each story arc it contains when they wrap up, or maybe I'll just wait for the whole season to conclude. But either way? This is something that demands to be binged in rapid succession.

I guess you get my point by now. I'm pretty hype about this series in spite of it holding some noteworthy flaws. I'm surprised I can still get so invested in something that dates back as far as 2016 that I haven't seen yet... and that gives me hope for what else I might discover going forward with my anime viewing.

[rinshiroufan]

The thing about Rin in Heaven's Feel is that nobody actually gives a single fucking shit about her.

It is deeply ironic; deeply ironic in a very contemptible manner. It is rather infuriating, for me personally—to see this rather complex and intricate character be so thoroughly underappreciated in any truly substantive fashion; to see people gloss over her brilliant and nuanced characterization in UBW; to see her—admittedly considerably less-written—HF incarnation reduced to a few easily digestable scenes, tragically overlooking the deeply imbedded nuance in the story; to see people fawn over an inferior iteration of the character at her peak—only to then not voice a single complaint when said iteration gets butchered beyond recognition.

The thing about Rin in Heaven's Feel is that nobody actually gives a single fucking shit about her.

The Heaven's Feel film trilogy adaptation by Tomonori Sudou is... not good. Not in the slightest. Explaining why it's all so bad would require a lengthy, thorough essay of its own; and frankly, I would rather this blog remain but a place for my venting my random frustrations about the discursive strictures fettering any proper analyses of Rin as a character—and above all, as a love interest—in the broader ecosystem of the FSN fanbase... admittedly so completely arbitrarily, but alas. But ultimately—it is quite revealing to observe what are the most common complaints that people about said adaptation after a careful perusing of online discussion of the films: the fact that the films did not give important side characters like Illya and Kirei their due. For such important characters, not enough time is devoted to fleshing them out as complex and nuanced conscious actors in the story.

Which is quite interesting since there is another exceedingly prominent character that receives an interesting and peculiar arc of her own.

Tohsaka Rin.

Rin's role in the story is reduced substantively and much of her characterization is actively butchered... yet none care.

Well—it's quite simple! If you are someone who adores Rin as a character and as a love interest for Shirou, then HF is really primarily a sideshow for you. The core of Rin as a character is to be found in UBW; thusly, her dedicated fanbase cares mostly about UBW. And UBW got an adaptation that most Rin fans utterly adore—for all complaints one may adduce against the 2014 show (most unfair and incorrect in my estimation), most people who like Rin agree that it at the very least did our girl justice. So what if HF didn't do her justice? We got to see Rin and her Emiya-kun in London!

And if you are someone who only cares about Rin inasmuch as she is Sakura's sister, and a foil to her in her own arc, with no appreciation of her in UBW—then you don't actually care about Rin. You don't understand her at all, and I hate you, and you should shut the fuck up about her.

The other thing about Rin in HF is that she's not some profoundly well-written character.

Her arc has no real meat—unless one, of course, takes into account how her arc in HF relates to her arc in UBW and how one analyzes Rin from a holistic perspective. But no-one does that... So we'll leave that for later. It all really boils down to "Rin don't like her sister... but then she DO!!!!" Brilliant. Riveting stuff. Perhaps one might cry out folly; it is a crime to be so reductionist with how the character is written. And that would be true to a certain extent—the way the story is executed certainly elevates a lot of the meagre, flaccid writing. But ultimately, Rin still basically just boils down a girl struggling between her humanity and her commitment to magecraft. Which is what Rin is—but without all of the richness, depth, nuance, flavour, brilliance that really takes that rather simple conflict and fleshes it out beyond what anyone could have imagined would be its potential... of UBW. The arc has no added complexity beyond Rin steeling herself for a whole route—before at the very changing her mind, suddenly. The effectiveness of the moment is greatly enhanced by the presentation: the way the CG is drawn; Kana Ueda's delivery; the music; the je ne sais quoi; etc. It's ultimately a testiment to how one may take a very simple story, and make it incredibly compelling and involving and wonderful...

But it is still, ultimately a very simple story.

And Rin in Heaven's Feel, viewed in isolation from her characterization in Unlimited Blade Works, is a very simple character.

Which is why no-one gives a shit about her.

Can anyone really think of a single person who considers HF Rin to be superior to UBW Rin that would consider Rin their favourite character? Or in their Top 3 FSN characters? Top 5 even? Anyone who wasn't already drawn to and fond of her character, who was ambivalent on her, but then were suddenly blown away—to the point she clawed her way all up to the top—simply because of that CG of Rin hugging Sakura?

No such person exists.

Why?

Because HF Rin is a mediocre character.

Past all the whiny melodrama and tearful theatrics—which are, admittedly, fairly effective—there is no substance.

Hence:

No-one gives a shit about Rin in HF.

There's only so much actual passion a character on the upper bounds of mediocrity just barely missing being actually good can actually inspire—which is why people usually praising her to high heavens (not entirely earnestly, mind you) are Sakura fans who only care about Rin and her feelings and her struggles and her own meaningful characterization inasmuch as she serves as a therapeuth for Sakura, and nothing else. Rin is good because she makes Sakura feel good—and isn't that wholesome!?!? But pierce the veil the veil of wholesomeness—and one finds but the empty void; Rin in HF is a lifeless husk. She is but a homunculus to serve as a means to assuage Sakura's guilt and make her happy.

Except—she isn't. While the HF Rin that exists in the popular consciousness is naught but a 6/10, the ACTUAL HF Rin is a shining 10. Rin in HF is an amazing character—it's just that people don't deserve her. And the HF films failed to capture that. Because Sudou is one of those aforementioned Sakura fans; and the way he treated he is arguably worse than the way he treated Kirei and Illya.

Here, it might be worthwhile for me to link a previous essay of mine. One that admittedly is exceedingly flawed and perhaps ought to be substantially rewritten, but one that I think nonetheless succeeds at conveying the core of Rin as a character—not just in HF, but the whole of FSN. But I shall attempt to within the bounds of this essay summarize key points in order to explain why the HF films just butchered her so thoroughly.

In essence; Rin is defined by her relationship with Shirou. Rin is Shirou's foil. The two are meant to be contrasted, for the many parallels and similarities are accompanied by complimentary contrasts; while both are held back by the legacies of their fathers and ultimately transcend them by making the same essential realization in UBW, the way they get there is substantially different—Shirou's being more... tumultuous. And in HF, the key difference between them is that Rin doesn't try to save Sakura, while Shirou does. Because it is impossible. And Rin doesn't do the impossible. Because unlike in UBW, where she is under the influence of her Shirou—her behaviour being contrasted not just to HF Shirou's, but to her own from the previous route—she has no-one to truly encourage her to embrace her human, idealistic side over her machine-like magus upbringing. Rin saves Shinji, despite his attempting to rape her; but she doesn't think of saving Sakura until the very end, when she can't kill her. Shirou is the personification of Rin's human idealism—just as Saber is Shirou's. Her desire to never quit; no matter what. Buried deep inside years of conditioning to act opposite to that.

It's why her high jump confession is the single greatest piece of characterization Rin receives in HF. It is the key to unlocking Rin as a character—not just in HF, but arguably in FSN as a whole. It is about who Rin is at her fundamental core.

And the HF films fucking ruin it.

How, exactly? Oh... let me count the ways.

Let us begin by analyzing the surrounding context of Rin's confession to Shirou in the VN, and then in HF. In the VN, Shirou has had sex with Sakura three times by then. The two of them are quite firmly in relationship territory; it is quite safe to say that, in fact, there's no chance whatsoever of Shirou's switching rails to court Rin instead. Rin and Shirou have spent an entire route interacting almost every single day with one another. The situation in the HGW has only gotten graver, with the Shadow having killed hundreds of people by then. When Rin gives Shirou what essentially amounts to an admission of her feelings for him, she is releasing pent up stress from the war, as well as seeking a resolution to her feelings... now that any chance of her being together with Shirou has essentially passed. It's a moment of vulnerability for Rin; it is important that it come during a period of high stress for the characters, stuck in the Emiya household as the world around them unravels and they have no means of achieving catharsis—especially given that Rin has interacted with Shirou enough, and has witnessed enough of his stubborn courage to save Sakura, for her to fall in love with him, while knowing there is no chance of her getting to consumate that love. Ironically, Shirou's unbridled displays of affection for Sakura charm Rin as well...

Now, essentially none of this holds true for the HF film trilogy. There are basically no scenes of Rin and Shirou interacting casually and bantering (read: flirting) with one another; the only time we ever see them interact is on the battlefield; Shirou and Sakura have not had any sex at all by that point; the confession itself occurs just after the Shadow kills Archer, as opposed to a prolonged and arduous period where the characters are left feeling helpless and powerless, completely come over with despair, their relationships with each other decaying ever and ever more. Simply put, the character has no actual reason to confess at all; Rin is a character who suppresses her emotions. Who was taught to see such human traits as a weakness that prevents one from becoming the truly amoral magus.

She also hasn't really been socialized like a normal person either—she feels awkward when trying to express her feelings, and her affection is clumsy. This really shows through in the way Rin behaves when she relays to Shirou her experience of the high jump; she's very clearly embarrassed. She is forcing herself to tell Shirou how she feels and she is clearly uncomfortable; constantly blushing, and with body language that conveys vulnerability. It's a moment that Rin takes very seriously—because Shirou isn't just a crush for her. He is the encapsulation of all that she pines for; he is her inspiration. That moment of his stubbornly refusing to back down meant a lot to her.

Not in HF2 of course! The worst film of the trilogy by far has her treat her single most precious memory as a fucking joke. Rin in the films is completely at ease when conveying the story to Shirou. She is upbeat and whimsy when retelling the events that are of concern; she has a smile all the way throughout her entire recollection. She even fucking chuckles as she's telling the story. And Shirou fucking laughs. He fucking laughs. In the VN, he is basically rendered speechless—he offers a few perfunctory observations of Rin and her emotional state to further articulate some of what Nasu probably felt could not be adequately conveyed through the dialogue, for the sake of the audience; but he does not offer any lengthy commentary on what Rin had said to him. He is so shocked by what he has heard that he really isn't capable of processing it. Because Rin Tohsaka just confessed to him. She obviously still means a lot to him, even in the routes where he doesn't fall in love with her; yet the film has him fucking laughing at the confession. And it only really helps to reinforce just how seriously Rin herself takes the conversation as well—not at fucking all. The film ironically takes Sakura's own biased perspective of the events in the VN at face value and adapts Rin as though she were an all-confident girl who keeps ignoring her suffering and desires—glossing over her own suffering, her own unique characterization, her own nuances, her own desires, her own dreams, her own conflicts, her own perspective.

And why? Why is the film adapted the way it is? Why is the high jump confession moved so much earlier in the story? What is its purpose in this heavily altered version of the story?

To lead to Sakura's stupid piece of shit sex scene.

That's it.

It's to allow a segue into a cheesy, superficial pandering piece of shitty fanservice—while also surgically removing any and all indication that Rin and Shirou like each other despite the latter's growing feelings for Sakura regardless of whether or not it negatively impacts the story; because Sakura's resentment of Rin's closeness and chemistry with Shirou is crucial to the escalation of the conflict between them. Because even putting aside the more nuanced aspects of her characterization, the films fail to coherently and successfully adapt even the most simplest of basics about her character either—Rin never acts cruel towards Sakura, she never belittles her, she never acts cold when interacting with her; it's the single most barebone adaptation that could've possibly been made. And frankly, the entire fight scene is fucking dogshit too, as is the hug between the sisters; it has none of the pathos and gravitas of the VN. The fact that there was no build up towards it scarcely helps it.

Even from the narrow perspective of the average moron who doesn't comprehend Rin in the slightest, the film still fails to capture of positives of their Rin, despite her being a dry, mediocre and ultimately shallow character.

Yet none complained; because they couldn't give less of a shit about Rin.

And thusly—Rin was reduced from an excellent, nuanced and thoroughly developed character, to naught but a prop that exists solely to make Sakura feel good. Rin has no existence, no characterization, no depth, outside of her being someone to stroke the ego of Sakura fans and their favourite character; a fucking comfort pillow.

And no-one cares—either because they are so deeply satisfied with the way Rin was handled in UBW, whether the route or the anime, (which, I honestly can't blame them) or they're fucking drooling morons who don't like her in the first place; if you don't like Rin in UBW, you don't like her at all. That's the simple truth of it all.

The thing about Rin in Heaven's Feel is that nobody actually gives a single fucking shit about her... except me.

I am tired like feeling I'm the only person who truly likes and appreciates this character.

I know it isn't true. I've spoken to plenty of people who have articulated and espoused many of the analyses I have written of the romance Rin has with Shirou, and how the way that Rin is written in HF helps add further depth to it retroactively. And yet... so much bullshit still pervades discussion of FSN online.

It really does pain me to see the way people discuss this wonderful, amazing character; to see her continually get reduced to being just Sakura's sister—while having the sheer audacity to believe and argue that UBW reduces Rin to just a "babysitter" for Shirou with nothing else truly defining her.

I am sick and fucking tired of seeing people talk about her the way they do.

I've come really to loathe and resent this moment. I really have.

It has completely distorted people's image of Rin. It has completely destroyed online discussion of Rin.

I've come to think that having her be the deuteragonist of FSN was not worth it at all; for all the sheer amount of depth she receives from being so, the amount of horrid takes that one is forced to sift through because of her arc in HF is too great a trade off for me. I sincerely think that shit takes about Rin online would have bee insanely more bareable had it not been for HF; had it only been people saying she received no development at all.

But you now what really fucking sickens me?

People who dare have the fucking GALL to express fucking "pity" for her.

"Oh I wish Nasu developed Rin a bit more in UBW she has no arc there!"

"I WANT to like Rin and she has great potential but it was squandered!"

"OOOH if Nasu does an FSN remake, he should rewrite UBW so Rin gets a whole lot more development there! It's an amazing opportunity!!!"

...just who the fuck are you to express pity for this character? You didn't even have enough respect for her to pay attention to a single one of her scenes in UBW or piece together how she works as a character. Nasu wrote an incredible nuanced arc for her and you didn't even have the basic decency to appreciate before thinking you have any fucking right to talk about how sad you feel for her because she got "shafted in her own route."

Go fuck yourself. Seriously, if you're reading this and you've any one of these opinions, I want you to know that I despise you and you should just shut the fuck up. Don't talk about Rin. Don't even fucking mention her. Don't look up art of her. Don't even fucking THINK about "handing it to her." You haven't got the fucking right. Your opinions are worth shit.

The thought of an FSN remake just makes my fucking stomach churn. The idea of Nasu rewriting UBW—which I quite honestly consider to be as close to perfection as a story can possibly get—feels me with terror and dread. I can only imagine how more fucking awful it would make discussion of Rin, UBW and her role in it and FSN as a whole. I can easily foresee; Nasu changing Rin's romance with Shirou to the point it's fucking unrecognizable. Just to pander to stupid motherfuckers who didn't like it in the first place. Adding a bunch of sappy, pukeworthy melodrama and lengthy monologues screaming the fucking themes and characterization in your face; as opposed to the subtle brilliance of UBW as it actually exists. Nasu is going to abandon people who actually liked Rin/Shirou and UBW for what is was... all to please people who never liked it, and never would have liked it in the first place. I am not sure I would be able to brave through all the braindead comments about how much fucking BETTER the remake's romance is than the original—all by people who liked that shitshow of romance in HF. And even worse? If Nasu does decide to leave UBW alone, then people are still going to be insanely insufferable. "Oh boo hoo, Nasu could've fixed the romance and Rin's character, but he didn't! Isn't that sad BOO HOO" Fuck off.

You know what I think? Rin shouldn't be in the fucking remake at all! Just remove her. Completely remove her from the story. Rin doesn't fucking exist. Replace her route with the Illya route. "But what happens to Archer?" I'm sure Nasu can think of something. Illya and Rin are actually quite similar; I'm certain some of the latter's functions in the story can be transplanted over to the former. But really—I don't care. The FSN fanbase does not deserve Rin. At all. They should not have the opportunity to even glance at her; clearly, she was too great for them to appreciate. I am sure some of the more vile pretend-fans lamenting her "getting shafted" will still sully her name by deigning to "pity" her; but at the very least this will be great way to spit in their fucking faces.

...

...

...

Frankly... there are some days where I wish Rin hadn't existed at all.

But I think there's a silver lining to all this.

Because I think seeing all this scum just completely misunderstand Rin has made me appreciate her romance with Shirou more—and how much he truly loves her.

Because anyone trying truly comprehend Rin in UBW and how the storytelling slowly unravels her nuances is relying almost wholly on storytelling conventions and tools which allows to deduce aspects of the characters by the very fact that we as an audience understand that we are experiencing a story; a story that has had many of its elements structured in a particular to produce a narrative that is compelling and involving. It is thus easier for us as viewers to realize things about the characters in a story than it is for others in a story to make the same realizations. It is easier for us to understand Rin, not only because we are allowed an objective birds eye view of the events, but also because Rin is actively being contrasted with Shirou. And taking Shirou's character traits into account allows us to make inferences about Rin. The two characters interplay with one another, and that allows us insight into both. There is also the fact that so much of what we know about Rin is revealed to us through Shirou, who in his dialogue and monologue describes so much of Rin's neuroses so amazingly well. As well as that we have a whole other route which further contextualizes Rin's behaviour. But Shirou himself of course exists within the confines of the narrative; he has no alternative set of events to compare how Rin behaves differently between both and why; and he has no narrator to point out to him Rin's flaws, her anxieties, her strengths and her inner conflict.

Shirou has no help over the course of the story. It's just him and Rin. He figures her all out... all on his own. Simply by being around—interacting with her, talking to her, fighting alongside her, observing her—he is able to peer deep into her heart and understand her even better than she does herself. He is able to achieve something people with far more information available to them were simply unable to do—and I think that that speaks as to just how much he just really loves her.

The FSN fanbase certainly doesn't deserve Rin, not at all; but Shirou most certainly does. I think that he's quite literally perfect for her.

And I wouldn't want it any other way.

I just love these two so damn much. Seeing them cute and happy together makes all the bullshit worthwhile in the end. I am so happy Fate/stay might exists. I am so happy the 2014 adaptation of UBW, which is what got me into Fate, exists. I never would have had the chance to be entranced by either of them.

They really are amazing, and deserve esch other.

[tarot-by-e11e]

hihiii I would love to join your gameeee! 🫶

most used emojis: 😅😂😘😭🤬 lol

If I had a super power i would choose teleportation. I need something to teleport my ass to the supermarket when I’m out of milk 💀

Hi dear,

Thank you so much for patiently waiting for your turn!

I absolutely love how I can tell someone is practical based on what kind of superpower they choose. Teleportation is such a versatile and underappreciated superpower choice!

So let me just list down your cards for July.

Advice: Page of Swords

Warning: Strength

Surprise: 6 of Swords

To start with your advice for July, you need to confident in being decisive and practical in a timely fashion. It's like, you know what needs to be done and how to do it as effectively as possible, but when you have to relay those instructions to others, they doubt the process because you struggle to assert a certain level of reassurance that the process you conceptualized can work. This could suggest that you might be or being trained to be in a leadership position where you have the credentials to prove your expertise yet you lack the air of authority in entails to effeciently relay those instructions and produce favorable results. The information you need to relay is not the issue, it's how you relay and present the information is the part you need to work hard on. A practical advice to deal with this is rehearsing your speech/pitch in front of a mirror. If you feel that it's a bit too easy, then ask atleast one friend that you feel comfortable with and you can trust to give you constructive feedback, so that you can revise and rehearse before the actual day of presentation.

A warning for you in July is stay persistent and don't lose focus on your goals. This could be interpreted as being easily distracted and losing motivation while in the process of achieving your goals. You might get disheartened when you receive unfavorable results, so if you have the time, try out as many motivating productivity hacks you can research online and find the ones that works best for you. It doesn't to make sense to others, it just has to make sense to you.

Lastly, a surprise for you this July is there would a time, a moment of healing when you can finally move forward into calmer waters. Life might have been a bit too hectic lately, so you might have been a victim of bullying, smear campaign or alienation in your community, when alot of people had preferred the lies made about you, rather than listen to your true story. Another interpretation of this specific card is finally getting to move away from all the drama, and/or finally receiving good karma for being a good person despite all that's happened to you.

This concludes the end of your reading.

I do hope you can let me know how this resonates with you.

(This is for entertainment purposes only)

[theratorgy]

conan gray was really just like “you only pass through my city every once in a million seconds on a broken clock” and then just fucking Moved On?!?!

[kursed-arcana]

Qualia Under The Snow Review And Analysis

Qualia under the snow is truly an underappreciated masterpiece. As much as I love Stranger By The Shore, I wish Qualia was given a sequel and anime instead.

As usual, the art is beautiful. The characters are expressessive and the story is full of symbolism and subtleties. There is really not much more to say on the subject just take your time to really appreciate the art in the panels. A lot is expressed through glances, blushes, other facial expressions and the scenery.

This is the story of a bond forming between two deeply different young men who experienced a great deal of pain their early lives that has shaped who they are in the present. As these two grow closer, they begin to tear down the walls the other has and help build each other up.

In order to truly appreciate the story and their romance you will need to think about what is actually being said, even by characters outside the couple. A recuring motif is comments on the weather. As the seasons change, Aki changes with it. Going from cold, to warm. This is often expressed by his mentor, but also by him himself, as he changes due to his relationship with Umi.

Another valuable component is the two cats the boys find. One black haired and one white, like the boys. When Umi is leaving he gently kisses the white haired cat on the forehead, telling him to be good. Both Umi and the cat have a surprised and embarrassed expression afterwords.

I'd like to draw attention to one other element before I move on. Through the last few chapters, a pair of young boys with the same hair colors as our male leads can be seen. They are depicted as having a close relationship and appear to represent a younger and purer version of Aki and Umi. They appear and express what is happening to their elders via their actions and dialogue.

Now lets dive into the characters themselves. For Umi, he tries to project his feelings onto Aki. It's both a way for him to understand Aki  and express his inner feelings without directly stating them. This happens several times throughout the story before Aki realizes what's going on underneath Umi's external behavior.

While Umi's feelings are apparent from early on, Aki's are more subtle as he grows to care for and appreciate Umi. He never directly says what he's feeling for Umi, but it can easily be infered through his actions during the second half of the series. Even without a direct declaration and definition of their relationship, it is clear in the finale chapter. Aki  invites Umi to share his bed and later expresses his desire to take their relationship to the

next level by off-handedly sharing he was researching gay videos online, stealing a kiss and discussing the weather. He gows on to state how Umi makes him kinder, as well as by referencing how Umi said He didnt HAVE to love him back.

Both boys live their lives trying to relive the past. While Aki is caught between his hatred and love for his absentee parents, specifically his father, umi is caught between his desire to run from repeating the mistakes of his first relationship and repeating them.

Aki's pain is demonstrated through his habit of smoking the same cigarettes his father once used and avoiding relationships altogether. While the cigarettes serve as a symbol for his dad, the damage his mother caused can also be seen through his apparent dislike for women. He abhors superficial relationships, leading to his resistance towards people.

Umi on the other hand, engages in repeated one night stands with the goal of avoiding the pain of rejection. He tries to numb the pain his first relationship inflicted through this as well. Early on, we hear Umi state he's not interested in straight men and then we learn his first love rejected him after they had sex and then proceeded to marry a woman. While Umi claims he has no interest in falling for a straight man, he proceeds to express interest in Aki repeatedly, who he believes to be straight. This is infact his subconscious desire to relive his first relationship and change the ending.

Throughout the story Aki needs to learn to be loyal to a person and open up to a relationship with someone, while Umi needs to learn he deserves love. As a result of these problems, both of the boys engage in subtle, emotional acts of self harm. The reminder of the cigarettes brings Aki pain as he mirrors his father's habit. For Umi, casual sex, the pursuit of unrequited love and the decision to repeatedly stand out in the cold while waiting for Aki, demonstrate his own self loathing. This is a story of overcoming these obstacles and moving in as much as a romance.

The series ends with Aki telling Umi the name of a flower Umi found, while remembering how his dad told him to share it with someone he deeply cared for. While the scans online don't reveal the name, the final vollume release had two additional pages, that can be found on the scanlator's tumblr with an explanation. Apparently, the flower can mean "I'll never let you go". This is as close to an outright declaration of love the series provides and it is profoundly moving in its own right.

All this unfolds whilst the young versions of them observe in awe and question their relationship. Through the pure eyes of a child, their relationship is defined for the audience. While we never see them officially become a couple, Aki's behavior through the last chapters are the actions of someone in relationship. Umi said Aki didn't HAVE to love him back but Aki fell for him willingly.

Please give Qualia Under The Snow a read. It's a beautiful story with a lot of depth and subtleties to reflect on. The characters are complex and their relationship is as refreshing as it is deep. Kanna Sensei has truly turned me into a boys love fan and I hope she can do the same for some of you out there regardless of your sexual orientation or exposure to LGBT subjects. Her stories are highly relatable and deeply meaningful. Thank you for reading.

P.S. if you enjoy this series please consider recommending it to seven seas on their monthly licensing survey. It definitely deserves more exposure! And hopefully one day a sequel like Stranger received.

P.P.S there is also possible a cameo from Shun and Mio at a bar. If you're a fan of Stranger by the shore and it's sequel then Qualia is worth checking out for that alone.

[starleska]

!!!!

i am so interested in your take on everything!! ralph breaks the internet used to be one of my favorite movies 😳

aww honestly i really enjoyed it!!! i see why it means so much to you, it's a very sweet movie with such fantastic emotional punches. i still do prefer the first one however, and i want to talk a little bit about perhaps there needing to be more time spent on the script... (spoilers, theories and suggestions ahead for Ralph Breaks the Internet!)

first of all, i really enjoyed the angle they took with exploring Ralph's severe insecurities and his unintentionally toxic behaviour towards Vanellope. i think it's a lovely theme that tracks well from the first movie, and is very relatable to all of us in some capacity. however, i feel that the second half of the movie was the more tightly-written part, because for the first half i don't think we got enough of Ralph's jealousy or Vanellope feeling smothered...certainly not enough for Ralph to go ahead and unleash a virus. given what went down with the Cybugs in the first movie, and Vanellope almost being deleted in her Candy glitch state, i think it would take a lot more of a breaking point for Ralph to fathom doing something that awful...he may have disliked Shank, but not enough to potentially kill that many people, you know?

another thing i found odd is that there was no overt villain...even though i was absolutely banking on it being Knowsmore. you mean to tell me they wrote a vastly intelligent, powerful character who feels terribly underappreciated and ignored for all the work that he does...and they didn't decide to expand upon that, and mirror his potential actions from that character motivation with Ralph's descent into toxicity?? i keep thinking what an amazing parallel that would have made...having an antagonistic character absolutely desperate for attention and going on some megalomaniacal power trip with the power of the Internet at his disposal.

i was also chatting with a pal who says they wish there was more video game content in this one, and i agree. why not expand Vanellope's conflict by introducing us to the concepts of video game lore, hackers, emulators, modders and more? can you imagine Vanellope in a Toy Story 2-type situation, discovering that there are countless versions of her and she could go anywhere she likes using the Internet? we were introduced to online players in this universe - what if we had a real-world antagonistic character?

i think, from this concept, the one thing i would have killed to see would be some sort of modding to resurrect King Candy/Turbo's code, and bring him to the Internet. you can't tell me that in the time King Candy was in his version of Sugar Rush - presumably only the Litwack version - that someone wouldn't have noticed this unique character. can you imagine the possibilities if someone decided to start modding King Candy/Turbo into other games, or unleashing his face as a virus instead? i bring this up because we have Knowsmore, a character who literally has the entire knowledge of the Internet at his fingertips....and the script does nothing with him except use him as a bit of a deus ex machina at the end of the movie 😭💖

tldr; i thought the movie was lovely but i think Knowsmore should have been the villain. i enjoyed the exploration of Ralph's self-esteem and trauma, but feel both he and Vanellope were somewhat out-of-character, and that the script would have benefitted from an overt villain to contrast with Ralph's moral crisis. i would have liked the re-assertion that Ralph is not a bad guy - he’s just been treated that way his whole life.

[te-quiero-verde]

Okay here we go: my answers to ALL of the asks I reblogged 🙄

Thank you SO MUCH @ginny-lily 🙄

This was so fun 🙄

Describe your favourite shirt

Don't care about clothes enough to have one

If you could, would you change your eye colour?

No

Name of an artist you think is underappreciated

Emy Taliana

Favourite flower?

Dandelion

Preferred type of weather?

Storms

A poem you think describes your closest friend?

Hmm let me write one: PURE EVIL. BUT I LOVE HER. THE END.

Do you keep your fingernails long or short?

Short (for climbing)

Favourite sea animal?

Don't have one (it's not sharks. I don't have favourite animals)

Favourite land animal?

Again, I don't have favourites. I have absolutely no preference for birds, moths and shieldbugs. I love all animals equally.

Are you religious? Spiritual?

Religious? No. Spiritual? Not really

Can you fold a fitted sheet?

Umm? I can fold sheets?

Are you part of the lgbt+ community?

You know what? I think I might be xD

What's saved as your phone's lockscreen?

Do you thrift?

That's an American word. I'm skipping this question

What's your natural hair colour?

Brown

Have any pets?

No

Would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

Already vegetarian; would consider going vegan one day (but would probably fail)

An animal you wish hadn't gone extinct?

Uhh, all of them?

How many languages do you speak?

English and un-fluent Spanish

Do you care for clothing brands?

Not at all

Favourite scent on a person?

Coconut? Or nothing?

Have you ever been camping?

Yes, many times

Do you play an instrument?

Used to play the piano

Gold or silver jewellery?

Gold

Any piercings or tattoos?

No but I wanna get tattoos! And maybe get my nose pierced as well

How many pairs of sunglasses do you own?

One

Would you ever want to play a game on television?

I'd be too scared of getting things wrong on a quiz game, but things like Total Wipeout (do people know what that is??) look so fun!!

Have you ever lived on a farm?

No

If you had the option, would you choose to move to another country?

Of course! I'd go and live in Rome with my sister!

Relationship status?

Single

What is your best school subject?

Spanish or English

Any unpopular opinions?

As you know, my opinions on food xD

Another name you think would suit you?

I've been told my name suits me very well?? But imagine if I was called Moon or Rain or Ocean...

A subject you enjoy learning about?

Ancient Siberian tribal rituals involving fly agarics 😏

A -core you enjoy?

Is it just me who doesn't understand all this aesthetic stuff?? I don't know 😂 I really don't know

An TV show you used to love? (AN TV SHOW???? WHAT IS THAT???? ARE THERE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO DON'T REALISE THE LETTER 'T' IS A CONSONANT???? IT'S *A* TV SHOW)

My parents never let us watch normal kids' TV when we were little, so all we used to watch were cartoons like Tom and Jerry and Bugs Bunny 😌

Any interesting family stories?

This is the best I can come up with:

You know those blocks with letters of the alphabet on that you have when you're little to help you learn how to write? Well apparently my dad used to spell rude words out with them 😂😂 and of course I had no idea what they meant so he could get away with it (he is just generally the most immature person ever. 😝 For example, EVERY time we eat melon he makes jokes. Every time anyone mentions buttering toast he makes jokes. Every time anyone says or does anything remotely innuendo-sounding, he makes jokes. And honestly I love him for it 😂)

Do you wear your socks mismatched?

I prefer to walk barefoot everywhere, but yes, when I have to wear socks they're ALWAYS odd

Your thoughts on magic - does it exist?

Maybe... ✨

Form of art you enjoy doing?

I can't art 😝

Any sideblogs?

Nope

YouTubers you enjoy watching?

Jonna Jinton, Keara Graves (IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE, YOU MUST WATCH THEIR VIDEOS!!!! THEY'RE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH), Dan and Phil, Frank James, and my group of cringey American YouTuber friends (the AMP squad)

Do you have a type?

I can have more than one type right? I love people with red hair, goths, weird people...

Twin beds, queen, or king?

Queen? I think?

Do you have strong feelings against the colour pink?

No

A food you've never tried?

I don't think I've ever had steak? And I probably never will

Dogs, cats or fish?

Dogs

Do you collect anything?

Let's just say I went through a phase that I'm not proud of, and I may or may not own about 30-50 lip balms 🙈

Earbuds or headphones?

Headphones

Jean jackets?

I... have nothing against them? But I've never owned one?

Have a job?

Nope, too lazy 😇

Kill the spider or take it outside?

Make cute eyes at them and tell them how adorable they are, then either leave them to it or take them to my room

Do you think you can sing well?

Amazingly 😉

Favourite flavour of gum?

Mint?

Shuffle your playlist, what's the first song that comes up? (that should be a semicolon 😜)

Enter Sandman - Metallica

Icecream or cake? (ice-cream!!! Hyphens exist!!!)

Cake

Can you do your own makeup?

Nope

Ever written fanfiction?

Surprisingly, yes

How many blogs do you follow?

341

Do you brush your teeth before you eat?

You mean before every meal???? I don't do that! But I normally brush my teeth before breakfast

Type of phone you have?

Samsung Galaxy S20 5G apparently

What's your first choice at the vending machine?

BBQ Mini Cheddars (or crisps, to be less specific)

Beach or pool?

BEACH

Least favourite condiment?

I don't know? I think I love them all?

How much sugar in your tea/coffee?

None because I only drink chamomile tea

Ever broken a bone?

No

Rings or necklaces?

Necklaces (but I very rarely wear jewellery because I forget it exists)

Do you still play Minecraft?

I love Minecraft!!!! But I usually only play it at Christmas

Ever ridden a motorcycle? (MOTORBIKE 😡)

No

Favourite holiday?

Christmas ^^

Opinion on 3-in-1 body wash?

What is this question?? 😂

Practical, but I don't trust it

Do you follow politics?

Not really. I like taking online quizzes though so I've done this a few times, and that's as far into the world of politics as I'll go xD (WHY AM I NOT FURTHER LEFT??? I SHOULD BE FURTHER LEFT?? THIS CONCERNS ME??)

Your instagram handle?

I'm not sharing it on here! I've been thinking about giving you my normal insta though, Fransiska (if you want it)

[strangedreamings]

Fluffy Bridgerton Prompt - Modern-day; it's Valentine's Day and Lady Whistledown gets an email from a secret admirer (Penelope/your choice)

Thanks! I made it Penthony.

Penelope’s Own Secret Admirer (AO3)

One of Penelope’s favorite parts about having a popular gossip site was answering emails. Some were tips, some were complaints, some were praise over the humor and accuracy of her columns.

But this was the first time she had ever received anything like this.

My dear Lady Whistledown,

This is to tell you that amongst all your fans and haters, there is one person out there who truly loves you. Whenever you feel overwhelmed or underappreciated, know that you are not alone.

I’d come forward but I’m too much a coward. I know I’m not the one you love so I’m content with loving you from afar.

Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.

Your secret admirer

Penelope had no idea what to make of it. The email was one she didn’t recognize, so she didn’t think it was someone she knew, despite what they wrote.

I’d write back but what would I say? “Um, thank you?” Of course, it’s probably just somebody’s idea of a joke. Still, it’s kind of nice to have my very own secret admirer, I didn’t know people still did that.

***

The next day, she went to the grocery store to stock up on discounted chocolate then met Anthony at their favorite bookstore/café for lunch. Penelope couldn’t pinpoint when she and Anthony Bridgerton became friends, but it was while she still had a huge crush on his younger brother Colin.

Thank God that’s over, she thought as she took another bite of her croissant sandwich. Colin’s a great guy but I was never going to be anything but a friend to him. That’s fine, I can always use another friend. She smiled at Anthony, who was sitting across from her and busy scrolling on his phone, his own half-eaten sandwich in front of him. After a moment, he read something then scowled and set his phone down.

“Bad news?” she asked.

“No news,” he muttered then he picked up his sandwich and took another bite.

“Well, no news is good news. So, how was your Valentine’s Day? Did you have a date?”

Anthony rolled his eyes. “No, my six-month streak of dateless nights continues.”

“Story of my life,” she muttered as she took another bite. “None of my boyfriends have lasted long enough for me to have one on Valentine’s Day.” She thought over her past few Valentine’s Days and smiled a bit. “But it hasn’t been so bad. I always make it a point to pamper myself around the day. I had a bubble bath last night and read the steamiest romance novel I could find in my To Be Read pile. Today, I bought chocolates on discount and I’ll watch a bunch of rom-coms tonight. What about you?”

Anthony shifted in his seat then he chuckled. “Valentine’s Day isn’t nearly as big of a deal for men. Single ones are usually grateful they didn’t have to spend a ton of money.” He took the last bite of his sandwich. “I watched a game then read Daphne’s latest post on the Bridgerton Family Facebook page. She and Simon are enough to cause cavities, I swear.”

Penelope muttered, “At least some people are lucky in love.” She finished her sandwich then gave him a wry smile. “Well, I at least have a secret admirer, or a troll. It’s hard to tell the difference online.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I received an email yesterday, supposedly from a secret admirer, but I’m not sure if I can believe it.” She had told Anthony that she was the writer behind LadyWhistledown.com and he supported her in it, even when she teased him about being a playboy. “I’ve never had a secret admirer before.”

“Let me see it,” he said, holding out his hand expectantly.

Penelope pulled up the email on her phone then placed it in his hand. The sparks she felt when her fingers brushed his had to be static, right? Anthony read the email then handed the phone back to her and she was careful not to touch him again.

“It looks genuine to me,” he said, his eyes dancing. “You really do have a secret admirer, Penelope.”

“But who are they? Who would want to send me a love letter? And how do they even know who they are really sending it to? No one knows who Lady Whistledown is, I’ve made sure of that.”

“Why don’t you write back and ask them?” He paused. “Colin is still in Greece.”

Does he think Colin’s my admirer? Penelope smiled a bit. “I know, I talked to him a few days ago. His new girlfriend sounds nice.”

Anthony raised an eyebrow. “Girlfriend? He didn’t say anything to me about a girlfriend.”

“Probably because he didn’t want you to know. You never liked any of his girlfriends.” It’s obvious Colin was never going to be interested in me – his type is pretty, nice, but not exactly intellectual. That thought would have sent her mood crashing a year ago, but now all she felt was longing, and not for Colin. I want a man who wants me back just as much.

“True, but he should’ve at least told me,” he muttered, annoyed. He brooded better than any gothic hero for a moment and it was all Penelope could do not to giggle. Or sigh, because Anthony Bridgerton really was a gorgeous man. He looked up at her and laid his hand over hers, the warmth of his hand radiating through her. “Email them back. You deserve a chance to be happy.”

Penelope was struck by the emotions in his eyes and all she could do was nod. He nodded back then checked his watch.

“I should go, Daphne and Simon are hosting a family dinner tonight. See you later?”

She smiled. “Sure. Let me know how dinner went. Don’t try to kill your siblings, you know fratricide is illegal.”

Anthony smiled a bit. “That still leaves sororicide.”

Penelope giggled. “Don’t kill your sisters either.”

He grinned. “No promises.” Anthony got up then leaned to kiss her cheek before leaving the café.

She stared at the place he’d been, one hand coming up to touch where he’d kissed. Anthony had kissed her cheek many times before but this time, it was different.

Who knows me better than him? My secrets, my feelings, everything. Anthony’s the only person who could have sent that email. He loves me? Truly loves me?

Penelope thought of all the moments they shared, talking, laughing, just spending time together. He’s my friend, even my best friend. He obviously wants more, but do I? She imagined kissing Anthony and felt her heart skip a beat. That settles it then. She picked up her phone and responded to the email.

My dear secret admirer,

My heart is free and has been for a while now.

It’s yours for the taking, Anthony.

Penelope

It was only a few minutes after she sent the email that the door to the café burst open and Anthony came in, looking like he’d run the entire distance. He stopped dead when he saw her and stared at her a moment then his face lit up with the happiest smile she’d ever seen from him.

Penelope smiled back and part of her knew she’d never have to celebrate Valentine’s Day alone again.

[boxoftheskyking]

This is why you should watch the Untamed

TO BEGIN WITH:

“In this time of uncertainty” (to quote a Bud Light commercial), what you want is something with enough episodes to get invested in, enough characters to occupy your thoughts and feelings, things to cry about but also plenty of sweetness and goofiness. So here is my list:

(I’m only on Episode 40 and I didn’t think very much before making this list)

(I did not expect to really like this show as much as I do and I look forward to rewatching it as soon as I am finished which I actually rarely do)

-50 episodes, 40 min each, so it’s enough to take up a good chunk of time, but it’s done so you don’t have to wait for another season.

-Equal parts wacky supernatural shit, Mysteries, and devastating Medieval tragedy (I could go on and on with Arthurian Parallels bc that’s a thing I sometimes study but I won’t right now)

-Tendernessss so much tenderness

-Everybody gets an arc! It’s well done.

-Xiao zhan’s face (Look, it was a gifset of WWX smiling that made me watch the show in the first place and I am not ashamed. that’s just good marketing.) (Also, as we say the biz, the guy’s got Genuine Chops.)

-So many stairs

-I don’t know if that’s a selling point for you but there are just so many stairs

-Listen you hear a lot about how they had to deal with censorship so they adapated a Very Explicitly Queer novel into something No Explicitly Queer. Which is true. But speaking as an American, this is more Queer Romance than I’ve seen on TV in a while (Also you can find translations of the novel online and they Bang A Lot)

-You will learn interesting linguistic things. And that helps stave off dementia

-Every family is a found family

-Everyone pretends to be stoic but no one actually is

-Does not pull punches when it comes to dark and upsetting plotlines. I used to compare it to Merlin bc of delightful magical intrigue but it is Not for Children

-Every 10 episodes the tone changes entirely but then as soon as you're lulled back into This is Fun it gives you something tremendously distressing

-Sets up an interesting political and magical structure so your hero can challenge it

-An actual villain’s-not-such-a-villain story (K*lo Ren wishes he were WWX)

All my fave fanfic tropes including: -very sober character gets very drunk and shows emotion. Also a  Chicken heist. -accidental baby acquisition -build your home out of Nothing -everyone is Devoted to someone and it's so painful

-Weird magic involving nails to the brain

-So much self sacrifice!

-Complicated feelings about Nemeses

-You can carry a ghost in a bag

-Everyone can fly

-Everyone is Beautiful

-That one time the kid’s jaw drops and a piece of chicken splats down into his bowl and the other kids picks it up and shoves it back in his mouth that shit was hilarious

-Supervillain whose main motivation is candy?

-Lotsa zombies

-A+ production design, everything is beautiful

-Great fake blood work

-Terrible cgi

-Wei wuxian’s little paper doll talismans!!!

-Immensely romantic. I cannot express the levels of romance

Things to know (thank you to everyone who explained to this foolish American blogger):

-there are time jumps. Kind of like the Witcher, you have to stick with it to put it all together. But it does tell you when it's jumping

-Wei Wuxian = wwx = Wei Ying = Yiling Patriarch = ends up in Mo Xuanyu's body A creature of chaos and sunshine. To quote that line from the Mummy script, You are Going to Fall in Love with Him. He's not really evil he's doing his best. Mad bisexual icon which means I identify too much (as a mad bisexual myself)

-Lan Wangji = lwj = Lan Zhan = Hanguan Jun Has a lot of feelings once you know how to look for them. You know those old folk tales where the hero's love dies and they sit by the grave and turn into a tree? That's him. Likes rabbits. Extremely wistful.

-Jiang Wanyin = Jiang Cheng Full of rage. I yell at him a lot

-Jiang Yanli = Shijie To pure for any world. Belongs in the bon appetit test kitchen, not on a battlefield

-Wen Ning = the ghost general A baby who is also a demon. Deserves better. Runs on devotion

-Wen Qing She’ll fuck you up but you'll deserve it. The bro to end all bros

-A-Yuan = I'm not telling A baby/a turnip

-Lan Sizhui A good boy

-Jing Ling = Jin Rulan A little shit. Could use one (1) good ass kicking for character development reasons

-Nie Huaisang Not Cut Out For This, but a bro who will lend you his good porn. So.

-Mianmian Underappreciated in her Time

-Song Zichen = Song Lan & Xiao Xingchen

Don't talk to me, I hurt. The original Danger Gays

-Xue Yang A Problem

-A-Jing A little shit. Deserves better

-i can't remember all of Yao's names but he’s a shifty lil fuck I don't trust for one minute

That’s all I can think of right now but give it a try. You’ll have fun and then around ep 16 you’ll realize how invested you’ve become

Also the fic is bomb as hell

[jlf23tumble]

Top 10 Niche Interests

Fixations? Obsessions? This is incredibly hard because I have wayyyy too many niche interests, so instead of stressing about it, I tried to channel the 10 things that immediately speak to me and maybe aren't so obvious from what I post here, like how much I'm obsessed with wigs, doll furniture, incredibly specific blogs, all forms of clothing with pockets, swimming pools, whimsical bus stops, over-the-top bathrooms, etc. etc Instead, I opted for some specifics that feel a little more evergreen and long tailed, like, so LIFE-long tailed that it's tough to nail down when or how they became part of the national psyche. I thank @alienfuckeronmain​ for the initial tag, and I'm tagging her AGAIN for round two because I know she has a billion additional niche things, and she'll post them, and I'll scream because it'll trigger five other things I neglected to post here, and I'll probably post my own round two, arggggh, insert aggressive sighing. Anyway, I tag ANYONE who wants to do it, just tag me so I can see! 

1. Indoor Trees

I have no idea why this concept PULLS so hard because houseplants are kind of meh to me, but you want to plant an entire-ass TREE indoors, in the place where you live? Me, too, and I'd add a conversation pit plus a combo gold/red bathroom, among other things, and, bam, we're in my imaginary dream home, which I have literally, constantly ALWAYS mentally constructed from the time I was about six or so. (If you're curious, it has multiple themed rooms, and the closest I've seen to it recently is the outstanding Dita von Teese AD feature, but Amy Sedaris’s apartment comes close, too). There are two (2) 1960s houses in Long Beach with magnificent indoor trees, but I can't find them online, so have this modern interpretation and cry with me about how I can't visit the multi-story fake tree inside Clifton's Cafeteria for a good long while:

2. Conventions of Fans of Any Kind

One thing that I don't think I'll ever lose is how much I *love* people who are fans of SOMETHING, people who have a passion and create something about it or cosplay it or simply gather to celebrate it and connect to other people through it. The Internet provides in all kinds of ways, but I'm talking specifically about IRL conventions and the way my heart pitter pats when I first walk in those doors, SWOON! And it doesn’t matter how big the convention is or how random, I've been to smaller events like CatCon and the My Little Pony convention all the way up to biggies like WonderCon and Comic Con, and I have yet to be disappointed. I might know jack shit about what I'm walking into, but I want to see the merch, hear about the panels, and check out the people who are fucking PUMPED to be there. Sadly, I think it's gonna be a lonnnnng time until these come back, but I can live vicariously through my old photos, sigh:

3. Dutch Wax Fabrics and African Fashion

I'm not the snazziest of dressers, but textiles, colors, and patterns have been an obsession that has soothed my visual soul for as long as I can literally remember. Wax fabric marries all three of those touchpoints, plus throws in a healthy dose of style, and I count myself lucky to have seen two big exhibits on the subject (this was one of them), oh, how I wish there were more! For sure, there's a fucked up underlying colonial/imperialist history here, but there's also humor and color and vibrancy, a reclamation of sorts, and multiple levels of fashion that take my breath away. I cannot do the different patterns justice at all, but the fan motif is one of my faves:

4. Hearst Castle vs. Madonna inn

These two fall into my #home tag because they're where I'm from, and they speak to me as equally sublime and ridiculous, camp and kitsch writ large and small, different (yet similar!) versions of Xanadu that two rich white men built as shrines to their own personal "taste." And the irony is that a lot of people shit on Alex Madonna for being tacky (the Madonna Inn is...uh, something else), yet praise WR Hearst for all the high-class art and architecture, most of which is fully lifted from desperate churches between and after world and yet they're both more or less the same concept (lodging for weary travelers, self-aggrandizement, questionable taste-mixing). Hearst Castle edges out slightly for me because it's bigger and has spectacular scenery and history, plus it gives me doses of LA noir thanks to the way Hearst killed a guy in a jealous Charlie Chaplin-related rage and Hedda Hopper covered it up, all kinds of old Hollywood shenanigans happened up there, etc. But I'm low-key an expert on both houses of the holy, I'm OBSESSED with both, and we can leave it at that. I mean, come on:

5. Snow Globes

I had to cull my personal collection slightly just to fit it all on the dedicated shelf in my bathroom, and I seriously need to refill all the water lines, but nothing beats a snow globe in terms of memorable souvenir, especially when you put it in a bathroom. The majesty!!! The jewel of my collection is the one from Sherwood Forest because WHY NOT celebrate a historic place and moment in the basic way?? He robbed from the rich to give to the poor, and the gift shop about 100 feet from the tree he hid in does the same! The circle of life! The irony of all the watermarks on this blessed image...protect:

6. Highly Specific Museums

Look, we can all agree that the more venerated museums in the world are a form of garbage in terms of what they represent, what they've done, and who runs them, but I'm here for the museums that collect and celebrate things that tend to get overlooked. There are too many to list that I love that are still thriving, so I'm going to say goodbye to four recently departed faves. RIP to the Pez museum, I'm so glad I saw you and purchased your stale candy souvenirs. RIP to the museum of terrible food, you were a pop up when Phoenix and I saw you, and I will forever think about the worker describing people literally vomiting during their visits. RIP to the currywurst museum in Berlin, I've had currywurst exactly once and it was not for me, but I respect the Journey you took me on, including obscure east German TV shows that helped make you so popular (??). Finally, RIP to the velvet painting museum, there's no way to mince words, the person who owned you was crazy AS FUCK and had zero clue how to run a business, but I'm so glad I saw you multiple times and purchased my own velvet treasure (not this exact one, but remarkably similar):

7. Liminal Spaces: Grocery Store Edition

Confession time for those who don't know me all that well, I'm a big time voyeur, and nothing fills my heart with joy like a walk at 7 or 8 pm, the witching hour when people haven't pulled the curtains, and I can scope out their decorations/furnishings without it being "weird." Another confession is how much I unabashedly adore grocery stores in other countries and will spend at least an hour wandering aisle by aisle, falling in love with how much everything is different yet completely the same:

8. Agatha Christie Novels:

As a child, I was a fairly compliant reader--I had to read something for school? Okay! For my mom? Sounds good! But the books that sparked the initial fire for me to read something purely for myself were second-hand (probably fourth- or fifth-hand, judging by cover art) Agatha Christie short story anthologies, which were the gateway drug to full Agatha Christie novels, then other mystery novels, and so on. But getting back to Agatha, I obviously loved all the stories, but every decade spawned incredibly good cover art (like, exceptionally good), and this particular artist's are right up near the top for me (I go back and forth on a lot of the '50s and '60s ones):

9. Scopitones

I link my obsession with scopitones both to my love of music videos in general and a shop in Austin, TX, that sold DVD compilations of them in particular, but either way, they're underappreciated and kitschy all in one! Francoise Hardy and the rest of the ye-ye's are my forever girls for this medium, but seemingly every country cranked them out, both actual set videos and "live" performances? If you don't know what they are, scopitones were machines that played music videos in French cafes in the '60s (??), so it was sort of your proto-MTV way to see your faves sing and dance. Oh, Francoise...so moderne!!

10. Cover Songs

I have so much patience and love for cover songs of any stripe, the more genre-bending and/or surprising, the better! My only minor beef is the trend in slooooooooowing down songs to make a point, but even those ones have a special place in my heart if they're effective. Live Lounge feeds my hunger the best, but my meta fave for representing this concept is Pulp's Bad Cover Version, which was already lyrically INSPIRED, a song about bad cover versions in terms of relationships, but then they did a video that was a visual "bad" cover version, with actors lip synching over an audio "bad" cover version, and all of it just worked? The cover for the single is someone in the band as a boy, making his own bad cover version of a Bowie album cover, it's meta meta meta, and I love love love, here's the video, if you're curious. In the more sublime cover category, I'm absolutely addicted to all of Orville Peck's covers, I truly hope he officially releases them sometime soon, but I wholeheartedly support any artist who does it:

[kiaracarera]

loooong shameless rant ahead:

i have seen a LOT of debate on twitter regarding if shameless is homophobic for the way they have treated gallavich this season (btw i dont have twitter i just stalk the gallavich mentions lmfao) some people are saying shameless is homophobic, and some people are arguing saying they aren’t because gallavich is indeed getting their fair share of screentime.

however, it really shouldn’t even be argued with. people are pissed because of the way gallavich has been pushed to the side in favor of useless, offensive, meaningless storylines this season. and it’s not unnoticeable. not only have most of their scenes probably been cut in half, but whole scenes have been taken out of episodes, AND they both weren’t featured AT ALL in two episodes. mickey, however, was left out of THREE. have they done this with any other characters? no.

and ultimately homophobia and discrimination is a big issue. but putting that aside for a second, leaving gallavich out of episodes and cutting their scenes is just... not good for the show. it’s not good for the overall quality of the episodes and the characters’ development and their story. when they’re cutting whole scenes and even just small parts out of the scenes, they’re giving us the BARE MINIMUM. which makes everything feel cheap and surface-level and forced and fanservice-y. like, “yeah let’s show gallavich getting engaged but leave out the parts that show how in love they truly are. let’s just cut a kiss to two seconds that was actually supposed to parallel one of their BIGGEST MOMENTS from their ten year long story. yeah that sounds good. it should be enough.” like, no. it’s not enough. they KNOW how much ian and mickey mean to the fans. they KNEW the stakes and the expectations were high. they knew.

another point. cameron and noel have contributed so much to these characters and the relationship. there have been so many improvised moments from them because they CARE about the characters and WANT to add more to their story. and for the editors, producers, directors, whoever to cut the moments they add to the scenes is fucking rude and disrespectful to cam and noel’s dedication to these characters. literally, we never would have had the ENDGAME PRISON KISS, a moment that quickly became one of the most iconic gallavich moments, if it wasn’t for cam and noel. like, that wasn’t even in the script. again, because for whatever reason, the makers of shameless want to give us the BARE MINIMUM when it comes to gallavich.

if it’s not homophobia, then what the fuck is it? is it resentment towards the fans? is it laziness? is it purposefully wanting to lower the quality of the show? based on what we have heard from extras and people on set, they had the material to give us. but then they leave it out. why is that?

and this is not something only diehard people in the online fandom can notice. even my mom and my brother, who are casual watchers, or “locals”, have noticed the lack of screen time. when the gallavich kisses are cut off, my mom goes “that’s it? seriously?” EVEN PEOPLE WHO DON’T GO ON GALLAVICH TWITTER OR TUMBLR NOTICE IT. this is not something people are pulling out of their asses just to complain. it is in plain sight. when they cut ian and mickey out of multiple episodes and scenes in favor of storylines about a clogged toilet, garbage men, and someone WISHING THEY HAD BEEN RAPED JUST TO GET MONEY FROM SUING THE RAPIST... i’m sorry, but what is that, if not blatant homophobia?

so, no, people are not gonna stop complaining just because you feel that they aren’t being homophobic. just because you say “hey, they brought them back after all!!! be happy and grateful!!!” people will not change their minds on this. why should we be happy and grateful that a ten year long, beautiful, iconic, fan favorite GAY love story (that is bringing the show ratings and the most attention in articles and on social media) is being underutilized, underappreciated, and trashed by its creators? fuck that. gallavich deserves better. cam and noel deserve better. we. deserve. better.

[rockerfemme]

all the colors

yas king indulge my need to talk about myself online! we stan!

orange: if you could, would you change your eye color? why? to what color, if so?

would change to green bc green eyes are gorgeous and the idea of being able to actually see your own pupils is whackadoodle

yellow: name of an artist you think is underappreciated

thin lizzy

green: do you have a favourite flower?

i do not

blue: preferred type of weather?

overcast

purple: a poem you think describes your closest friend

listen i know 2 poems off the top of my head and one of them is about a funeral and the other is the raven. i cannot answer this

magenta: do you keep your fingernails long or short?

i like long nails but i’m also a guitarist so they’re short on my left hand and long on my right. yes i know im unhinged

turquoise: favorite sea animal?

ooh girl shock me like an electric eel

cyan: are you religious? spiritual?

fuck no i actively dislike religion

sea green: can you fold a fitted sheet?

honestly? never tried

violet: are you a part of the lgbt+ community?

yup

amber: what's saved as your phone's lockscreen?

it’s like a metallica logo with a skull

aqua: do you thrift?

nope ive only bought 1 thrift store item ever

pink: what's your natural hair color?

black

beige: have any pets? what're their names?

never had any pets :(

black: would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

i could never i love eggs and bacon

coral: an animal you wish hadn't gone extinct

not actually extinct but yknow that post thats going around about how america used to have millions of bison

grey: how many languages do you speak? do you want to learn any more?

just english and a school-level amount of spanish, which i want to get fluent in eventually

maroon: do you care for clothing brands?

nope i just go for whatever looks cool

rose: favourite scent on a person?

no idea

charcoal: have you ever been camping?

nope

copper: gold or silver jewelry?

gold

cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any?

piercings: i have both nostrils, septum, and industrial and i want a bunch more tattoos: i have a few and also want a bunch more

salmon: how many pairs of sunglasses do you own?

none bc i wear glasses but i really want a pair of aviators so ill prob have to look into getting prescription ones

ebony: would you ever want to play a game on television? (jeopardy, family fued, etc)

idk probably not 

indigo: have you ever lived on a farm?

no but it seems like it might be fun

lavender: relationship status?

taken

fulvous: another name you think would suit you

i literally keep thinking about this bc i’m not sure im satisfied with kyler but i can never come up with shit. maybe just jeffrey

coconut: a subject you enjoy learning about

chemical weapons

frost: a -core you enjoy

proud to say that i do not enjoy any damn cores

porcelain: an tv show you used to love

zoey 101

fawn: any interesting family stories?

the time my dad allowed the basement to flood TWICE in TWO different houses bc he ignored my mom when she said “hey maybe you should check on the tank the shower water is turning brown” and, 3 or 4 years later, “hey maybe you should check on the tank i can quite literally hear water running under the floor” 

gold: do you wear your socks mismatched?

yes all the time. it even became a running joke with my dentist bc every year id visit and lay down on the chair and my socks wouldn’t be matching

honey: your thoughts on magic- does it exist?

don’t think so

ginger: any sideblogs?

yup theyre all in my about

cherry: YouTubers you enjoy watching?

danny gonzalez, emily boo, it’s black friday

wine: do you have a 'type'

punks and metalheads basically

mahogany: your sun, moon, and rising signs

sun: capricorn. i’m not into astrology so idk any of the others

blood: twin beds, queen, or king?

i have a twin but god Damn i would like a big bed

hot pink: did you/do you had/have strong feelings against the color pink?

yeah i used to hate it but i’m accepting it back into my life again

plum: a food you've never tried

shawarma 

lilac: dogs, cats, or fish?

dogs

amethyst: do you collect anything?

vinyl and i want to start a lighter collection at some point

mulberry: earbuds or headphones?

headphones

azure: jean jackets?

only if they’re black

teal: have a job?

yup

denim: kill the spider or take it outside?

kill kill kill kill k

sapphire: do you think you can sing well?

perhaps

mint: favourite flavour of gum?

hate gum. shit runs out in like 5mins and then you have to SPIT it back out? disgusting 

penny: icecream or cake

ice cream

ash: can you do your own makeup?

yeah

jade: ever written fanfiction?

yeah

grape: how many blogs do you follow?

1459

umber: do you brush your teeth before you eat?

no why would i

chestnut: type of phone you have

refurbished iphone 8

prussian blue: what's your first choice at the vending machine

skittles

aquamarine: beach or pool

pool

brass: least favorite food condiment

relish. never had it but it looks nasty

mustard: how much sugar in your tea/coffee?

i don’t put sugar in tea but 2 packets for coffee

silver: ever broken a bone?

nope

rose quartz: rings or necklaces

neither really but necklaces

onyx: do you still play Minecraft?

never did 

scarlet: favorite holiday

christmas, in theory

apricot: opinion on 3 in 1 body wash/hair wash

bad

platinum: do you follow politics?

yup

magnolia: your Instagram handle?

alice_nchainz 

[little-merry-go-round]

There’s a lot of shit that was bothering me lately and i need to get it out of my system. I understand a lot of you don’t wanna read that kind of stuff so i’m tagging discourse and putting the rest of the post under the cut. Hope it’ll work

The first thing i wanna talk about is the way Jack interact with us here on tumblr but also on reddit. Do you remember favouritism drama that happened last february? People were pointing out Jack rebloging from same people all the time, he said he doesn’t do it on purpose, things were talked out and were ok for a while. However we came back to the same place again. I wouldn’t call it necessary favouritism but idk, ignorance maybe? I payed attention who Jack rebloging from, who’s posts he see in reddit vids. Before ya’ll jump on me, i don’t blame artists or people who he interact with at all. I’m glad they post and i hope they continue. The point i’m trying to make is Jack going through most popular most of the times. I don’t know why is this. I tried to ask him, i tried to ignore it, i tried to convince myself that i’m just jealous bitch and he does care about us all still equally. It’s really hard to think that when you see over and over popular creators, who already got good amount of notes, being featured in vids/ rebloged/ interacted with. Again, i don’t blame creators at all. I just feel frustrated that smaller creators doesn’t have chance to be seen, not only by Jack but by anybody really since a lot of people avoid tag to not see tea blogs posts. And then Jack saying in videos that he’s sad creators leaving… Are you surprised? Really? It was going fo so long and nothings changing in that regard.

I remember Jack said something along the line once “it’s better to interact with few than to not interact at all”. That’s true when “few” changes constantly but if it’s same few over and over you shouldn’t be surprised when people feel like worse of a fans and leaving.

“Draw for yourself, not for Jack”. Yeah, i do. I do draw and colour and i’m being creative whenever i have time. I just don’t post that often here anymore. Don’t be hypocrite. You all posting in the tag because you want to be seen. If you wouldn’t be seen you wouldn’t post in tag or even anywhere online. It’s very easy to say “notes doesn’t matter” when you get feedback whatever you post. I don’t want him to interact with everybody. A little bit of variety wouldn’t hurt tho.

I’ll quote something he posted on tumblr early this year: “I know I reblog and interact with certain people here more than others, I don’t think it ever really occurred to me properly because I usually just fly through the tag each day and interact with stuff as I see it and what it pertains to. It’s never been on my mind to do it for some more than others or “play favourites”. Some people are just FAR more active here than others and in the tag way more often, so just by sheer number alone it would make sense that I would see their stuff more as it’s usually more current. I’m sorry if people felt left out or underappreciated as a result of that. It’s a byproduct of things rather than the intent.” First of all I don’t believe he doesn’t recognize people artstyes at this point. Secondly it’s not hard to see the same popular people if you only going through most popular posts.

Another thing that’s bothering me are charity streams. Not that Jack raising money, that’s good. I’m not that much of a bitch. I mean the way streams are handle. Jack seems often unprepared. I don’t talk about games here, but about charity itself. Shouldn’t he know more about them instead of reading what they’re doing from their website? It was especially bothering me with team trees charity because this topic is talked about a lot and it’s really not that hard to find informations about it. “Let’s plant 20mln trees and save the planet!” No hun, it can and will help but it won’t save the planet as you claim.

“You’re going on the board” pissing me off so damn much everytime. I never watch streams if i don’t feel well mentaly because of that board thing mostly. I understand that you wanna reward people somehow, i get where it came from but again, it’s so unfair. Let’s give example. There’s person A who have a good job and earn quite a lot. It’s no problem for them to save thousand or two for charity. They will go on the board for that. There’s person B, who has shitty job, or is unemployed a lot of time. They have health problems and strugling everyday. They still wanna help out and give a dollar for a charity every month. Are you familiar with a biblical story about widow from Luke chapter 21? That’s what i mean with this example. Did you notice the way Jack read donations? How pumped he is when somebody give thousand dollars or at least few hundred and how he rush through one dollar donations? Because i did. Please don’t come to me saying he’s not guilt tripping people because he does. I don’t believe he’s doing it on purpose but don’t tell me you never felt that way. I just don’t believe you.

Forced PMA. This was talked about many times. Jack said it’s not about being happy all the time. Most of the community agree, yet i constantly see PMA = no negativity mentality and Jack incourage that by liking that kind of posts. Jack used to play “serious games” and tried to take opportunities to talk about mental health and about reaching out to friends, parents and getting professional help if it’s needed. I don’t blame him for not playing that kind of games anymore but he switched from that to making meme videos, and God forbid, yelling “a meme a day keeps the depression away”. And people take it seriously. They really do. I saw with my two own eyes on jse discord that somebody said they have depression and they don’t feel too well and another person replied with - go watch some MEMES because a meme a day keeps the depression away hehe. What is this??? Is it really the message you wanna send? Just google those memes. They’re disgusting.

Tea blogs. Again, are you surpriced they’re there? Are you surpriced that when one get deleted another two or three appear? I’m not at all. Because everytime someone try to voice their opinion respectfully (especially more popular people in community) they get anons saying things from “that’s not very pma of you”, “You’re just jealous”, “Jack would be disappointed”, “Jack doesn’t want you here”, “If you don’t like him then leave” to “go kill yourself”. Nobody want to get such lovely message. To avoid that they’re going to tea blogs. Sure, there is a lot of hate there too. Sure, there are people who just wanna talk shit and spread lies. But there are also issues like the ones i wrote above. They won’t disappear if we won’t talk about them. I do care about Jack. I really do. I want him to do well and i want have good time watching his vids. i wanna interact with people who i met in this community. That’s why i’m writing it all, because i believe we’re better than that. I wanna see us improve not go down.

I really like what Jack tweeted and deleted  "We all need love & support in life but also need someone to call us on our shit now and then. Don’t surround yourself with just “yes” people".

[penguiduck]

The Relationship Between Online Readers & Writers: Motivation and Appreciation for Writers: Perspectives

Introduction | Part 1: What is this Relationship? | Part 2: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Readers | Part 3: A Day in the Life of… | Part 4: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Writers: Perspectives | Part 5: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Writers: Implementation | Part 6: How to Write the Best Feedback |  Part 7: Where Does This Leave Us?

We’ve gone into some detail about the relationship between online readers and writers.  I’ve also discussed what writers can do for readers to thank them for the support and attention.  Let’s continue the conversation on how to motivate and show appreciation for your favorite writers.

I thought long and hard about how to begin addressing this complex topic and decided to divide this up into two parts:

Part 1: Perspectives (Why is leaving feedback so important and how does the online experience differ from a more traditional in-person one?  Why should you leave feedback?  What’s in it for the readers?)

Part 2: Implementation (What are ways in which you can contribute feedback?  What is appropriate feedback?)

This chapter will discuss the writer’s perspective.  I mentioned previously that writers write because they have a story to share, a craft they wish to polish and smooth.  Writers who do not want to share their works do not post them publicly.  Thus, if they choose to make their work available to a broad audience, unless explicitly stated otherwise, it makes sense that they would appreciate feedback on their craft.

In the introduction, I brought up the dynamic between readers and writers, and how I do not see this relationship optimized.  It seems quite simple:  “From a writer’s perspective, receiving feedback is crucial. From a reader’s perspective, giving feedback means pleasing the author who produces the work I so want her to update.”

This had me thinking: Why is this relationship not optimized?  And what obstacles stand in the way of that ideal optimization?

It makes sense.  It’s mutually beneficial.  This online relationship dictates that writers cannot flourish without an audience and readers cannot enjoy work that is clearly not written.

I brought up the notion of currency in Chapter 2.  By virtue of posting their work online and making it available free of charge, writers have already paid a huge portion, if not all, of their currency in this relationship.  (Of course, this doesn’t mean there is no room for improvement — this is addressed in Chapter 3.)

The remainder of that responsibility falls on readers to ensure that their favorite writers are properly motivated and appreciated so that they may continue to create and craft.

I’d like to highlight the previous chapter I posted: A Day in the Life…

The reason why I chose to include this is because I want to provide perspective on just how real writers are — we have lives of our own, some of which I’m sure are quite busy.  My schedule is rather uneventful, but there are still plenty of obligations and responsibilities.  In my free time, I choose to write and provide content for my readers because not only do I enjoy the writing process, but I also wish to make others happy with quality writing.

 I am sure other writers feel the same.  Motivations for writing are varied and many, but we all share a joy for both the craft and enriching the lives of our readers.

My goal for the remainder of this chapter is to develop empathy for writers.  To be perfectly candid, I think it is lacking in the online community — I am of the potentially unpopular opinion that if readers understood and truly empathized with writers, there would not be a lack of feedback or feelings of shouting into a void.  Writers would not feel frustrated with the lack of reviews or comments on their works, and their motivations would not be so subject to the ebb and flow of support they may or may not receive from the online community.

That being said, again, this piece is not meant to criticize or guilt.  I am not calling out individuals but noting trends that I see as a whole — there are many readers out there who do, in fact, provide incredible support and feedback for writers, and should be acknowledged and appreciated.  I only seek to make an objective assessment through analysis that can kindle an honest discussion about how this relationship between online readers and writers may be improved.

I’d like to start by stating the obvious: Writers online provide their content free of charge.

This is their currency, their gift to you, a labor of their love and care.  For me, this is time that could be spent binging my favorite shows on Netflix or on other leisure activities; this is time that could be spent working overtime for extra cash; this is time that could be spent going to the gym to improve my health; this is time that could be spent on food prep; this is time that could be spent catching up on much-needed sleep.

But no.  Writers choose to spend that time and effort to create a gift for the community.

I urge you to think of writing as a gift because this will change your perspective and nurture a better sense of appreciation.

So what is a gift?

According to dictionary.com, a gift is “something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.”

And that’s just it.  Writers who post their work online are giving gifts to their readers, expecting no payment in return.  They pay the price of their gift in time, effort, and care — all of which are opportunity costs in their personal lives.

Now, assuming that online fiction or other such content is a gift, what does that mean for readers?

Let’s take some real life examples and extrapolate this out.

Imagine you’re an avid baker.  You bake a batch of cookies and bring them into work to share.  Clearly, you’re expecting no payment for your culinary confections, even though you spent money from your own pocket and the time and effort to make them.  Sure, you enjoy the baking process, but you also just want to brighten the day of those in the office.

At work, you arrange your cookies for your coworkers to enjoy.  People come and start to take cookies.  They devour them and enjoy them — you know this because you see them do it — but they say nothing, do nothing, acknowledge nothing.

You receive no thanks, no compliments on your cooking, no gestures of appreciation.

Perhaps you feel underappreciated for your efforts?  How likely is it that you are going to bake cookies to share with your coworkers in the future?  

And on the opposite side of that coin, as a taker and muncher of cookies, do you not think that basic courtesy dictates that you at least express your gratitude, if not offer your compliments to the chef? 

Writers are bakers, and they’re providing you with the most scrumptious, delectable cookies for the soul.  They expect no compensation, and they’re not professionals, but shouldn’t they at least receive the most basic of acknowledgement for their time and effort? 

Baking not your thing?  Let’s take a look at another example:

This time, imagine you’re a soccer player. You and your team are called away to the state championship because you’re just that good.  Your school, friends, and family come along to watch you play.  You play well and hard, shooting goals and making saves, and your team wins. 

However, not once do your friends and family cheer you on.  Whenever you make a skilled play, there is only silence in the stadium.  Even when the game is over, your teammates say nothing to you about your performance or sharing in the celebration.  Your friends and family offer no congratulations, no words of encouragement, no acknowledgement of your hard work and countless hours of practice.

You have your victory, and your efforts have clearly paid off — what more could you possibly want?

Isn’t it only socially acceptable that you receive some sort of congratulatory message for your success?  Perhaps you feel ignored or hurt that these people who came to watch your game don’t give you the kudos you feel you earned?

As a friend or family member, would you not feel awkward or impolite leaving the game without saying anything at all?  Does your soccer star not deserve some words of encouragement, a handshake, a clap on the shoulder?  Should you not offer to buy them ice cream or simply tell them how wonderful their performance was today?

Writers are all star soccer players.  They work hard, spending countless hours honing their craft.  When others come along and enjoy their performance, the fruits of their labors, do they not deserve congratulations for their literary successes, however minor?

Let’s took at one more example:

You are a painter.  You offer to paint a mural for your community free of charge so there can be a little color added to the walls, so you can bring some joy to those who come by.  You sketch out a design for approval, doing research on important figures and symbols in the community to customize this art.  Your sketch is approved by the board, and you get to work.

More than anything, you’re doing this as a service to your community because you want others to be happy.  You spend hours upon hours painting this mural, even using your own high quality art supplies for the best effects and colors.  This process takes all week, and by the time you’re done, your arms are sore, your back hurts a little, but you stand back and admire your work.  You are proud of it.

Members of the community come by as you’re cleaning up.  You recognize many of them, and they are well-aware that you have volunteered your artistic talents to create the mural.  They look at it, perhaps, enjoying the beautiful colors and ideas, and they then walk away.

They say nothing, even after seeing you hard at work for hours, day after day.  No one says thank you for adding life to the community, for the money and time you’d spent.  No one compliments your hard work, your artistic gifts, the method by which you choose to express yourself.

Perhaps you’re feeling a little sad?  Unloved?  Hurt? Underwhelmed with the lack of support after you just gifted the community hours of your time and artistry?

As a member of the community, someone who found some joy looking at the mural, would you not agree our artist deserves a few words of encouragement and praise for their talents?  Would a few moments of your time, your kindness, be worth the delight and glee you see on their face?

Writers are artists.  They boldly make their work public so that others may enjoy it.  After spending all that time and energy, sometimes even funds from their own pockets to improve their craft, should they not receive praise for their wonderful contributions to the community?

I think I’ve made the point quite clear, but if you’re a baker, athlete, or artist, I’m sure you can come up with your own metaphors.

Now, some people may argue that internet culture is different — there is a screen of anonymity behind which you can hide.  It’s not like you have to awkwardly sneak a homemade cookie from your coworker’s desk and earn a stink eye if you don’t say thank you.

I would challenge readers and writers, anyone who partakes in such an online community, to think differently because, regardless of medium of communication, there is a person behind the screen, a human being with talents, aspirations, and a very real need to feel appreciated for their efforts.  This is human psychology.

In the cookie example above, I would ask: Why do you think you should snag a delicious cookie to enjoy without thanking your coworker?

It’s basic manners, a common decency to your fellow human.  Most people wouldn’t dream of behaving so inconsiderately — universally, a thank you is warranted in this situation.  Sneaking away a cookie without expressing some form of gratitude (thanks, a compliment, acknowledgement, etc.) is objectively ungracious.  As such, social etiquette dictates that partaking in the hard-wrought, creative expressions of a writer, even online, deserves similar consideration.

Readers can easily provide feedback and/or gratitude as their form of currency in this relationship.  It’s worth noting that writing a creative piece is not like your typical Facebook status post or Twitter tweet.  I would argue that a “like” or “love” or “favorite” isn’t necessarily or always adequate if readers wish to motivate and show their sincere appreciation for writers. (I will address this point in more detail in the next part.)

Writing is a creative pursuit, and as such, motivation must be intrinsic.  If writers are not in the mood to write or do not feel there is purpose for their writing, then the content will either suffer or not be composed at all — obviously, readers do not want this.

While this correlation may seem obvious, I would challenge those who are not actively supporting their favorite writers through feedback and kind words to sit down and actually write twenty chapters of a story.  The writing process is involved and sometimes requires great mental fortitude.  As I mentioned in the previous chapter, it is not as easy snapping your fingers or swallowing a spoonful of sugar.

The writing process is wonderful and fulfilling, but it is also occasionally intimidating and frustrating, especially amidst a life with a busy schedule. For me, whenever I post a chapter that was difficult for me to get through and I see how pleased my readers are, that overwhelmedness simply melts away.  It’s like how you feel after acing a semester of your least favorite school subject — the months prior are terrible and stressful, but after you see that A on your transcript, you are so relieved and proud of yourself.

Having experienced the highs and lows of writing, I think one of the most rewarding parts of the writing process is hearing from my readers how much they enjoy and appreciate my work.  Truly, it makes me feel that all of my efforts are well-placed and worth the while, and I am refreshed and motivated to begin writing again.

To come full circle, the relationship between readers and writers is a mutually beneficial one.  When both parties support one another, we optimize the potential for creativity and quality content.  Most importantly, this is an opportunity available to everyone — both readers and writers are invited and encouraged to partake in order for the community to flourish.

Writers should not feel underappreciated or hurt or neglected when posting their works; they should not feel the sensation of shouting into the void.  Readers have the power to change that dynamic — while they may not be in charge of the story, they may have a surprising amount of influence in ensuring that writers are in the best position to continue updating their works.

So, dear readers, if you enjoy the gift of writing bestowed upon you by your favorite writers, please take a moment of your time to reciprocate a small fraction of the consideration and time they have and will continue to dedicate to you.  This piece of the relationship is in your hands — it is your opportunity and responsibility.

In the next part, I will provide ideas and methods by which readers can motivate and show writers appreciation.

This is also posted on AO3.

[komatsunana]

My Yuri/wlw Manga Rec List

Heeeey I’m bored so I’m making a Yuri manga/webtoon/etc recommendation post of some of my faves that are underappreciated or deserve more love. Obviously this isn’t a comprehensive of all great Yuri series out there, just some that I enjoy & think are worth reading... And have (obviously) either read or are caught up on.

All of these are available to read as online scans, but I’ll indicate if you can legally purchase it in English as well.   I’ll also indicate if they are on-going as of April 2019.

There’s a lack of yuri series that aren’t set in a high school but I’m going start with all of those first, just to get them out of the way, but this list will mostly be dedicated to college and older aged characters.

Additionally, my recommendation of these series is not my personal endorsement of everything about the series. Don’t expect any of these stories to be perfect by any standards, much less Western standards.  Additionally, I try to give warnings for some series with dark themes: that is not me giving the series a condemnation.  Just a heads up for common triggers, that I caught and remembered to warn for.

A Tropical Fish Yearns for Snow (Nettaigyo wa Yuki ni Kogareru) by Makoto Hagino

Summary:

Konatsu Amano is a high school girl who has just moved to a seaside town in Ehime Prefecture after her father is transferred overseas for his job. Lonely and unsure of her new surroundings, Konatsu finds herself gravitating towards Koyuki Honami, an older girl at her school who is popular but is seen as out of reach by her peers who view her as too perfect. Koyuki is also the sole member of the Aquarium Club, which in turn makes her feel cut off from others. In an attempt to help ease Koyuki's and her own feelings of loneliness, Konatsu befriends Koyuki and the two gradually grow closer together.

Why I think you should read it:  This is SUCH a sweet but impactful series.  At a surface level read, it’s a beautiful and enjoyable series that I’m interested in seeing where these girls’ relationship goes, but a deeper look at the series really shows the amount of thought that went into the characters and their surroundings.  Honestly [this] YT video by Zeria is why I finally started this series and covers why this is such a good worthwhile series much better than I can so I recommend watching it, if not jumping straight to reading!

Status: On-going, first English volume will be released in late 2019!!

Their Story (Tamen de Gushi) by Tan Jiu

Summary:

Tamen De Gushi manga is a slice of life manga that revolves around two high-school protagonists, Sun Jing and Qiu Tang, and how they meet and fall in love and start dating.

Why I think you should read it:  If you’ve been on tumblr long enough and follow enough queer fandom blogs you’ve probably heard of this series.  Everything you’ve seen about it is true: it’s sweet, cute, funny, and fluffy.  It also covers topics like victim blaming without derailing from something you’re reading to distract you from reality.

Status:  This one is a webtoon and currently on-going.

Pietà by Haruno Nanae

Summary:

A story about two classmates, Sahoko and Rio. Rio is depressed and self-harms due to lack of loving relationships with her "family" -- which consists of her negligent father, selfish stepmother, and stepbrother; and Sahoko quickly becomes her only comfort in life. Sahoko on her part has a frigid relationship with her otherwise loving parents, and lives with her aunt.

Why I think you should read it:  Prior to meeting, these girls dealt with mental illness and that’s what bonds them very quickly as they come to rely on each other.  I debated whether or not this series should be with the school-girl series or the adult ones, I decided to keep it with the school-girls because... they’re high school girls! Even though the girls’ school is really only ever the place they first meet, it’s the fact they are high school girls that colors their perspectives for the best and worst.  

But the reason I think it is worth reason it is that it portrays depression, self-harm, and suicide the way you think about it as a depressed high schooler but it is narratively treated with the seriousness it deserves, and to be responded to with love and compassion.  While we’ve got Rio’s parents who don’t take her mental illness seriously and compassionately enough (or at all), but there other adults who do from the very beginning.  It’s 1 volume long and despite all the trigger warnings I am about to give for the series: I promise a happy ending. 

*Warings* Self-harm, suicide attempt, forced institutionalization, parental abuse, gaslighting

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are available.

Kase-san by  Hiromi Takashima

Summary:

Yui Yamada, a girl who enjoys tending to her school's greenery, falls in love with the athletic Tomoka Kase. The two eventually begin dating, and the story follows the pair as they face various challenges in their relationship

Why I think you should read it:  Another one I see on tumblr a lot and, again, it’s everything you’ve been promised: cute, fun, and a natural progressing romance.  What I think is worthwhile about the series is that it’s continued into their college years, but that hasn’t automatically made them adults. They continue to deal with the same insecurities they did in high school, but even still they’ve been maturing since the start of the series and they continue to do so. 

This series is unlikely to ever delve into darker or political themes, but we need series like this - where problems don’t linger but are resolved relatively quickly without losing the character’s defining traits and flaws.

Status:  Ongoing and available to buy in English.  Also has an OVA.

Ano Musume ni Kiss to Shirayuri o (Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl) by Canno

Summary:    

In middle school, Ayaka Shiramine was the perfect student: hard-working, with excellent grades and a great personality to match. As Ayaka enters high school she expects to still be on top, but one thing she didn't account for is her new classmate, the lazy yet genuine genius Yurine Kurosawa.

Why I think you should read it:  A rivals-to-lovers story, for all my rivals-to-lovers lovers out there! <3 While Shiramine and Kurosawa are definitely the protagonists of the story, roughly only 40% of the time are chapters focus on them and their relationship, as the series spends a lot of time on their many, many side characters and relationships... which are all wlw too.  Lots of different relationships explored in the side characters, including a triad that forms together wonderfully.  

A part of the series that particularly tickled me was that male characters are barely ever mentioned, if ever.  It’s entirely possible that that men do not exist in this world.

*Warning*  One romance between a student and her aunt (though the aunt is only 4 years older).  The two chapters depicting their relationship are skipable and even then it’s vague enough that you can interpret it as a family relationship imo.

Status:  Completed and available officially in English.

Bloom Into You (Yagate Kimi Ni Naru) by Nakatani Nio

Summary:

Yuu has always loved shoujo manga and awaits the day she gets a love confession that sends her heart aflutter with bubbles and blushes, and yet when a junior high classmate confesses his feelings to her...she feels nothing. Disappointed and confused, Yuu enters high school still unsure how to respond. That's when Yuu sees the beautiful student council president Nanami turn down a suitor with such maturity that she's inspired to ask her for help. But then the next person to confess to Yuu is Nanami herself.

Why I think you should read it:  What, did you really think it wouldn’t make my list (lol)?  Of course everyone should give this series a try!  I’ve been following this series for a while so I’m glad to see it blow up in popularity recently because of the anime because it really deserves it.  This series is very far from your typical straight-forward cute high school yuri romance, it’s an awkward fumbling as the girls have their first relationship and all that comes with that - including learning consent and boundaries -  in a very unusual set-up (that I’ll let you read to discover).  

Additionally, an adult relationship between two women is also portrayed, proving the usual “lesbianism is transient” is many school-girl manga wrong, but the adults tend to mentor Nanami’s also gay friend more than Yuu and Nanami (who could frankly use some adult guidance, since they can’t seek out their parents). 

Yuu reads as very aro-spec too, if that resonates with you, and I (personally) don’t think that anything in her relationship with Nanami negates those feelings.

Status:  Currently ongoing and available in English.  Anime which covers the first half of the series.

Nameless Asterism (Nanashi no Asterism) by  Kobayashi Kina

Summary:

Tsukasa, Nadeshiko, and Mikage have been inseparable since they began junior high, but Tsukasa has a secret she's been keeping from her best friends—she actually has a big crush on Nadeshiko. Not wanting to risk their friendship, she planned to keep it a secret forever, but when Tsukasa learns that Nadeshiko has a crush on Mikage, her desire to support her friends now conflicts with her own feelings. First love blossoms in unexpected ways for these three young women and their circle of friends.

Why I think you should read it:  This one is actually a junior high school one, but I’ll stick it here regardless.  But it’s a fun series, and for a love-triangle story it’s not over-wrought at all.  More than a series about love, it’s about the concept of romantic relationships at the characters’ age as well as friendship. One of the character’s in particular thinks her feelings are transient, but it’s also rather clear that they are not and she’s just scared after a bad past experience. Despite being in a love triangle that not all of them are completely aware they are in, it’s also very clear they want to keep being friends and fear losing their friendship more than anything else.

It ends prematurely so some things are left unresolved but still a fun read and I still give it a huge rec.  YMMV on the handling of one cross dressing character, especially as he takes over the story for a bit, but it’s far from the worst handling but. ya know.  Heads up, he exists.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are available.

Aaaaaand that’s about it with the light-hearted (mostly) school romances.

On to college-age and working adult yuri series which don’t get nearly enough love!

It’d be great if you didn’t exist by Carbonara

Summary:

Why did she meet her ideal girl in the worst situation?

After catching her boyfriend with another woman, Han Guk-hwa promptly breaks up with him and expects to never see him again. What she didn't expect was to keep thinking about the woman who was with her ex and develop a begrudging crush on her.

Jang Mi, the crush in question, also didn't expect to see such a beautiful girl approach her and finds herself thinking that she could do so much better than the scumbag Guk-hwa was dating.

Why I think you should read it:   There’s.... a lot of reasons I could give you about why this series is worth reading.  It’s a wonderful balance between funny and a soft, tender romance between two women, even while dealing occasionally with darker themes and topics.  The characters are both well fleshed out with flaws and a rationality to their actions.  More than that: for every bad experience they had in the past which gives them insecurities about themselves and others, they are rewarded for trusting each other with a happy, loving relationship.  Inter-relationship problems (like insecurity) are resolved with communication, while their separate personal problems they share mutual support. 

BUT ALSO, I mean... it’s pretty much like that text from last night that goes:  “ I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.”  And I just.... really enjoy and appreciate it. Because it’s like: that’s it that’s the series.

*Warnings* Stalking, abuse, bullying

Status:  Another webcomic, completed at 80 chapters all available online in English

Cheerful Amnesia by  Tamamushi Oku

Summary:

Arisa wakes up in the hospital, with no memory of the last three years. When Mari, a girl who's just Arisa's type, arrives at the hospital and informs her that not only are they living together, but they're actually in a relationship, Arisa is over the moon.

Why I think you should read it:  MC has amnesia, but as the title suggests, it’s light-hearted series.  Afterall, MC wakes up to discover she has a beautiful girlfriend!  What couldn’t be better in life?  Well, there are... like sex with your girlfriend.  Wait no, that’s way too good for Arisa to handle (lol). And it just gets better for Arisa as the story plays out.

Usually the amnesic lover trope is played for the drama, but here it is only played for laughs.  A little eye-roll-y regarding some aspects and maybe even down right stupid but still cute and a fun romp if you need mindless fun. It’s a 4-koma so it’s not particularly deep, but a fun exploration of the story’s premise.  Let’s be honest: all the jokes about sex probably won’t make you laugh and probably won’t even titillate you, but you’re not here for laughs you’re here for something cute and see an adult relationship between two women get to be fun, silly, and mindless.

Status:  On-going and not officially in English but completed online scans are available.

Ultramarine (Gunjou) by  Nakamura Ching

Summary:

Out of desperation, a woman asks an old high school acquaintance to kill her abusive husband for her. The acquaintance, having long been in love with this woman, does it, and now they are on the run from the law.

Why I think you should read it:  I’m going to be honest.  This isn’t a series for everyone or even a series that most would like and that’s ok. The summary just covers the first few pages - everything devolves from there as they avoid the police and the stakes get higher - or rather, revealed to us as the readers.  Definitely not a series for a fun, quick read and I don’t rec it if you want an ideologically pure series - but the series mostly acknowledges the fucked up nature of everything going on.  If you’re interested in story where the main characters aren’t clear-cut “good” and “bad” and you don’t mind not rooting for the main characters’ romance, give it a try.  Because this is not a series about two women learning to be good to each other.

It’s a heart-wrenching read for those that read it and explores themes that aren’t often explored without being edgy for the sake of being edgy.  I think if you can stand to read this series in one sitting, you’ll be absolutely gutted and be thinking of this story for a while.  It’s a powerful read, awful in a very necessary way.

*Warnings* for rape, abuse, dub-con (between the main characters), lots of talk of suicide, infant death, death of a wlw (not main romance).

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Lonely Wolf, Lonely Sheep by Fuka Mizutani

Summary:

Two women with the same name happens to meet each other when they're at the same hospital for the same injury. They want to become closer, but both must overcome their insecurities and self-loathing first.

Why I rec it:  Ehehe.  If you follow me, then you probably know I’m half-way to being a NANA blog.... Well this has the basic premise of NANA, with two girls with the same name (in this case first AND last) meeting under similar circumstances.  It’s a short & sweet series, but not without a lump of angst mixed in, because despite their meet-cute they’ve still got a shared loneliness and fear of rejection to contend with.  Despite that: it’s not drowning in angst and unnecessary, drawn-out melodrama.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Fluttering Feelings by Ssamba

Summary:

The comic follows the life of two Business University students, the average slightly immature Kim No-Rae and the beautifully captivating Baek Seol-A but equally immature, as well as their friends and family.

Why I think you should read it:  This series is a beautiful exploration of two women slowly falling in love - or rather, slowly realizing and accepting that they are in love with each other.  A lot of will they, won’t they story get stale very quickly but here the characters are so expertly explored that you understand why they aren’t kissing right now this second and it just makes you hope that one day they will and be happier.

Additionally, just because they aren’t dating doesn’t mean that they friendship doesn’t continually progress and flourish as they continue to get closer and more emotionally intimate with each other.  As their friendship gets closer, they struggle more and more to define their feelings for each other.  

Unfortunately Ssamba passed away last year, before completing the series.  So the series will likely remain forever unfinished but I think this series is so great that it’s a worthwhile read even unfinished.  I think Fluttering Feelings maybe even is a series that especially proves that unfinished series are worth reading, because for me: the ending to a story is one of the most important parts... but not for this series.  This series is all about the journey and the journey until where it left off was worth it.

Status:  Unfinished Webcomic, available online in English

Ohana Holuholu by  Shino Torin

Summary:

Maya, who works as a translator, lives with her bisexual former girlfriend, Michiru, and Michiru's son, Yuuta. Residing in the same apartment building is an actor called Nico, who drops by for a visit almost everyday, and knows about Michiru's past. Somewhat like family, and somewhat not, their lives interweave full of warm days.

Why I think you should read it:  This one is about family, at it’s core.  A found family, in particular.  I think for many like me, that’s enough of a recommendation (lol).  The rekindling of Maya and Michiru’s relationship is an important part to the story, but just as important is the fact that they have formed a family even before then.  Michiru isn’t always the best friend, roommate, lover, or even person and she definitely isn’t the best mother, but watching over her growth through the series to take responsibility for herself and for her family is incredibly rewarding.

Status:  Complete, still in the process of being translated online into English.

Collectors by Nishi Uko

Summary:

Two women in a relationship disagree about the other’s spending habits.

Why I think you should read it:   Most of this list is comprised of series that are about before the relationship begins, but Collectors is here for everyone who desires a pre-established relationship!  It’s very sweet and very obvious how much the two women love each other.  

This is the bickering couple done right - with love, especially after the initial few chapters, and it’s honestly just a form of flirting as the characters just as often find common-ground on their spending habits.  

It’s primarily 4-koma style, so not much happens story-wise but it’s well worth it just for to see their day-to-day interactions, how much they enjoy spending time with each other, and their friend’s commentary about their relationship. Also, if you’re a collector or hobbiest that compulsively buys things related to your interests... be prepared to be called out!

Status:  I thiiiiink it’s on-going - definitely the English online translations haven’t caught up as far as I can find.

The Robot Next Door (Tonari no Robot) by Nishi Uko

Summary:

In an ordinary neighborhood, a team of engineers are developing a robot they call Praha, who looks like an ordinary human high school girl. Chika, a 4-year-old girl who lives next door, meets her neighbor and learns her secret. The two girls become friends and high school classmates, and Chika teaches Hiro—as she calls Praha—about human emotions, including love.

Why I think you should read it:   Another story by Nishi Uko!!! There is a severe lack of sci-fi Yuri works!!  It’s a short and sweet feels trip as it explores the premise - a robot and human girl having feelings for each other.  While the bulk of the series takes place while both characters are in high school, I’m sticking it here with the “adult” series because it’s not about youth so much as it is about the premise.

Anyway: one of the interesting things about the series is how Praha expresses her love for Chika, which is obviously different than how humans feel ”love” because she’s a robot.  Meanwhile, Chika pines for Praha in her youth but insists that Praha’s feelings aren’t love.  She thinks their feelings for each other are “different,” which is both true and untrue.  As it is thought, robot/human love stories are often bittersweet because the premise predicates that the human will age while the robot will not.  Honestly, the ending is not bitter in the least, but it’s something that looms over you as you, the human reader, know as inevitable future.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Poor Poor Lips by Gotou Hayako

Summary:

Okashi Nako is a young woman living in poverty. When she applies to work at a Gem store, she learns that store owner, Otsuka Ren, is a lesbian. Ren promises that Nako's not her type, but she may be lying.... Nako takes the job and so begins a comedic tale of rich and poor, sickness and health, for better and for worse!

Why I think you should read it:  It’s a boss/employee romance but tastefully done imo - it’s been a while since I read it but I remember it fondly. It’s primarily set-up as a comedic series (another 4-koma!) but by the end the ladies *are* explicitly in a relationship, after some “will they/won’t they.”

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

Octave by Akiyama Haru

Summary:

This story revolves around 18-year-old Miyashita Yukino and her life as a former idol. As a child, Yukino had always been fascinated with TV. And before she knew it, she wanted to be one of those idols behind the screen. At 15, she entered the entertainment industry and debuted as a member of the four-person group "She'sN." However the group wasn't very successful and they broke up shortly afterwards. Returning home in disgrace, Yukino was welcomed with people's curious looks and hurtful words. Wanting to find herself, regain her pride, and perhaps experience love, Yukino decides to move back to Tokyo. There she meets a certain woman, former composer Iwai Setsuko. Together they embark on a very interesting and mysterious relationship.

Why I think you should read it:  Don’t be fooled by the simple, minimalist art... The characters are complex and each of them realistically flawed.  The series explores themes unfulfilled dreams and miscommunication and most of all: maturing into a decent person.  A lot of people are turned off of this series because the choices Yukino sometimes makes are, but it’s worth seeing her journey imo.

The series also deals with coming out not being an entirely positive experience and... it’s gutting but real and in the end says more about other people than Yukino.

Status:  Completed, not officially in English but completed online scans are.

And that’s it for now!! Let me know if you read any of these, whether or not on my recommendation or not!  Depending on if people liked this I might do another one, because I discovered a whole bunch of series while researching plus cut some from the list last minute that I still think deserve a rec!!

[lumiolivier]

Life Update of 2020 (Don’t Worry.  Just the Good-Good)

It’s been a while since we last spoke, huh, Tumblr?  I don’t pay you nearly as much attention as what I should, but I’m scattered all over cyberspace.  I show up in the most unexpected places.  But what the alternate title of this is:

Lumi’s Post of Shameless Self Promotion (Because What Else is a Blog Good For?)

So, what have I been up to, you may be asking yourself?  Or maybe you’re not asking that question and you’re telling me to fuck off.  Well, if that’s the case, then fuck you, too.  So, hail Satan and have a lovely afternoon madam.

But if you are curious, here we are.  Let’s do this in sections.  That way, if you could give two shits less about something else I do, then, you can skip to the good bits, yeah? Or whatever it is you follow me for, K? Let’s get into it then.

1.)  Fan Fiction:

So, in my last master post update, I hadn’t started posting Castlevania yet.  It just recently came to an end last week, so...Brief synopsis and link in three...two...one!

Last of the Belmonts

Eden had lost her mother. The only family she thought she'd ever have. Her father couldn't be farther at the bottom of the barrel in her eyes. Her mother would be the only one who would accept her dhampir nature. That is until she finally starts to explore the other half of her blood, her vampiric half, courtesy of a certain girl gang of full-blooded vampires. However, despite that, she's still half human. Which half will rule her head and her heart?

Just a heads up.  If you do read Last of the Belmonts (which I highly recommend.  I loved this story so much and I’m so sad to see it go.), there are slight mentions of rape, but they’re far and few in between.  Eden, the MC, is a dhampir.  And for those who don’t know, dhampirs are a human/vampire hybrid.  She wasn’t one of the lucky ones who came into this world by consensual means.  Most of them aren’t.  But before you ask, NO.  SHE IS NOT DRACULA’S DAUGHTER.  We find out just who she is throughout the story.  But it’s got a little bit of everything in it.  It’s got Trevor and Alucard sassing each other.  It’s got Sypha trying to mediate between them.  It’s got a MC that’s got a chip on her shoulder.  I like to call it an alternative season three.  Like, the story opens up in Braila after Carmilla’s raid, so...I’m not going to give too much for spoilers here.  Just...Read the damn thing if you’re that curious.  And I’ve been getting asked about a sequel, but I’m not quite sold on it yet.  

But Castlevania isn’t the only fandom I’ve dipped my toe in as far as fic goes.  Because...It’s been three years since I last wrote for Death Note and I got a friendly reminder of how big of Death Note trash I was when I fell down a fanart rabbit hole one night and thought, I need to jump back into writing Death Note fic.  It’s that kind of a year.  What the hell?  Why not?  And because I was feeling particularly thirsty, I decided I’d write my first Lawlight fic.  Which...Again, same as I did for Last of the Belmonts, synopsis and link!  BAM!

The Sweet Taste of Silver

Email after email...It only made Light sicker to look at them. Final notice. Past due. Expulsion threats. He knew going to one of the best schools in the country would be pricey, but that's what his scholarships were for, right? At least until they start running out. At least he'll have his internship...And his new employer.

Yeah.  It’s what you think.  It’s a sugar baby AU.  We all know Light’s a sugar baby waiting to happen and it’s an underappreciated AU on Ao3, so I figured I’d add to the rich tapestry it is.  But this is still ongoing.  It gets updates every Tuesday.  This story has been my new lightning in a bottle.  It’s gotten a lot of traction on Ao3 and you are definitely more than welcome to it.  I never thought I’d get so into writing angsty gays like I did with L and Light, but holy hell.  It’s so much fun...Why did no one tell me this would be fun?  I don’t know why I needed a sugar baby Death Note fic, but dammit, here we are.

Amongst all that mess, I’ve posted a SHIT TON of Mystic Messenger oneshots (even got my first commission because of those oneshots!).  They’re all on Ao3.  There’s probably 11 or 12 of them, so I’m not going to post the whole list here.  Just go to my Ao3 account.  You’ll see them there.  But since we’re on the subject of MysMes fics I’ve written over the years, I started doing a rewrite of Man’s Best Intern, too!  I mean, the story premise is still the same, but it’s had some tweaks here and there.  And that’s damn near catching up to the Sweet Taste of Silver.  My babies are all growing up so fast.  I’m so proud of them...But the Man’s Best Intern rewrite is going up on Ao3 every Wednesday and Friday.

And the last fic I’m going to throw out here is For the Family.  Now, for those of you who remember, last year, I posted a story called Switch about a little girl that grew up in New York mafia falling in love with a sweet, yet salty yakuza boy and getting tangled up with the Ouran Host Club.  Well, it got a sequel.  Again.  Link and synopsis, ho!

For the Family

One year. That's all it took for Rei's heart to find home in another city. But it wasn't necessarily the city that captured her heart. it was the cute yakuza boy that bumped into her in the hallway. And thought she was a dude. Anyone else would've been afraid of someone with that kind of power...but not everyone had that same power. Now that another summer has passed, Rei and Ritsu were ready to go back to Ouran to take on their mutual frenemies: The Ouran Host Club

I couldn’t stay away from them for long.  They were too cute.  I loved Rei and Ritsu’s dynamic and they’ve only gotten worse.  At the time I’m posting this, For the Family is ongoing, too.  It goes up on Thursdays and I love this one so much.  It’s been a roller coaster already and it hasn’t even gotten to the middle bit yet.  This coming week’s chapter may or may not be a shit show.

I know I said that I’d be done with my fan fiction bullshit after my pitch of For the Family, but I also kind of have something cooking up.  I’ve been working on a project that’s been completely handwritten for Hetalia that includes both the 1p! and 2p! characters, centered around an OC.  I’ve been debating on whether or not to post that one online.  Because it’s been mostly me writing it for me to unwind at night.  It’s what I’ve spent my last half hour of my day working on and it’s put me in such a good place.  Which is weird because the MC spends a lot of time with 2p!France and he’s kind of an asshole. I don’t know.  I’ll think about it.

2.)  New Schedule Changes?  Instagram?  Whaaaat?

I know.  That sounds like it still pertains to my fan fiction here.  It does not!  On my Instagram for the last few weeks, I’ve been doing livestreams on Friday nights.  It’s mostly just me sitting down and bullshitting with a camera, but it’s been some great fun!  For the first one, I made curry.  For the second one, I was working on a bullet journal spread.  They’re all just very chill livestreams with a little hint of chaotic.  My last post before this one?  That was from last week’s stream when we were talking about different CMV projects I’d love to make, but I don’t have the bodies to make them.  As mellow as they are, they’re also a lot of fun.  So, if you’re looking for something to do with your Friday night and feel like hanging out with me, come hang out with me.  My IG handle is LumiOlivier.  You’re more than welcome to come sit and hang out.  If my streams keep going they way they’ve been, maybe I’ll start doing more with them.  Maybe I’ll bring them to YouTube.  Maybe I’ll do something silly like do them more than once a week.  

But that’s pretty much it.  I’ve been, like most of you, shut up in my house for the last six months as much as possible.  This year might be shit, but there’s been some pretty neat shit happening.  And hopefully, it’ll be more of an upswing for the rest of it.  So, I’m going to go because I have a chapter I need to do for Wednesday tonight and an outline to do.  K, love you, bye!