#i feel like ive been used because of my state to fix things between us

[qftim-c]

Hello there!

Due to seeing some accusations of us co-owners and our server being TGR supporters im here to set the record straight.

This whole thing all started from just one person, and if i may be honest it seems like we are being tied into it by Overlee/lh.

And Connie saying this, i don’t appreciate Overlee using my partners screenshots for leverage when Ambrose was trying to apologize and deescalate the situation that Tutti/Sandy started.i only use one screenshot and censor it best i can because of the matter it posesses.

Not to mention they didnt censor theyre screenshots they took from Ambrose for people to harass them more easily.

What Tutti/Sandy said was all they’re doing and im deeply sorry for they’re behavior. I wish we could of controlled the situation before they did anything and im sincerely sorry i upset Overlee this much.

That includes our server behavior as well, we only were insulting @overlee because most of us didn’t understand they’re process of drawing. We still are sad there isn’t much representation but we cannot control what the owners of Overlee do in they’re continuation, just like how they cant control what we do with ours. The overlee co-owners are amazing artists, and i do hope they understand this whole fiasco isn’t worth fighting over on the internet, i mean its the internet people.

We also understand that Overlee has been accused of other things before, some stuff is questionable including the “April fools ship” but I’ve discussed this in private with Overlee and will not bring it up here.

But i will add, Overlee using whitewashing of POC character as a comparison for lack of body representation, more accurately, them using it as a way to dismiss Tutti/Sandy’s feelings on their lack of body representation.

Theres a huge difference between character building/anatomy/body head canons and Race/skin/cultural identity head canons.

On to with the accusations of the server being Proshipper, Child you know what, and TGR supporters is completely unacceptable, many people within this fandom have been traumatized by such things, including Us, (Ambrose and Connie).

If you haven’t realized by now, accusations against people who aren’t supportive of things like this, or heck if they’ve had traumatic experiences with them influences they’re mental and emotional state.

(To Overlee) I also don’t understand why you are using your fan base as a justification system to have your back. A fan base is for people to enjoy and love a fandom with same interests, not to be used as a protection system if you do something wrong.

I understand Overlee is upset and might feel they are cornered but this isn’t supposed to be a post to attack the Overlee co-owners.

Ive been in the fandom since it started and me and Ambrose both strive to fix the fandom with our continuation just as i hope Overlee does.

Please realize that this whole thing is silly, of course both sides are upset but making something like this public?

Anyway i will not be getting into this more. Cause Internet drama is ick/lh

if Overlee wants to talk about this without making it a public matter im all ears.

Hope yall have a great night!

Screenshot below.

[atigrado]

SPECULATION RAMBLE ABOUT NIIGO IN GENERAL THTAT I NEED TO POST BEFORE ENA5 SO I CAN EITHER SAY I CALLED IT OR LOOK LIKE A CLOWN

SO. ive been thinking if mizu5 might be establishing a pattern for the overarching structure of niigos story......

like. i feel like the whole mizuki being outed and hitting absolute rock bottom mentally kinda sorta mirrors mafuyus rock bottom in the main story. this is putting aside that mafuyu had been in a longer and more constant descent in contrast to mizuki more or less doing well prior to mizu5 but both of them hit a breaking point that leaves them completely dysfunctional and actively suicidal thats visually represented with the live2d hollow eyes.

so!! ive been thinking that having mizukis emotional state completely fixed with the next event would be Kinda lame considering the sheer gravitas mizu5s ending had, and thought it would be cool if, just like the events previous to sayonara my persona, where kanade ena and mizuki impart unto mafuyu important lessons that she then goes on to use to stand up to her mom (unconditional companionship, assertiveness about her boundaries, disengaging from a distressing situation), mizuki could also have events where the rest of niigo gives her advice that shows aspects of their character how that mirrors her just like niigo mirrors mafuyu, which she maybe could use to confront the way not only her peers treat her but also how school faculty enabled and heal from the trauma isolation and scrutiny left in her.

so i imagine this pattern could be

niigo member hits rock bottom (mfy main story, mizu5)

rest of niigo helps her out of rock bottom, while currently stable she still has emotional scars from rock bottom and whatever caused said rock bottom hasnt been completely resolved (mfy end of main story, ena5(?))

rest of niigo has paired event with niigo member where the one of them is explored through the lens of something she has that can help the other (someday this wish will transcend the morning sky, immiscible discord/mirage of lights, our escape for survival)

niigo member is able to confront whatever caused her to hit rock bottom and ends up in a better place where she is not being currently tormented and can properly begin healing (sayonara my persona)

if this is somewhat accurate then ena and kanade going through the above after another age up would make sooo much sense to me. both of them are unsure about what theyre going to do after high school

so like imagine if ena went to college as an art major and felt so strongly a gap in skill between her and her classmates, or could try to break into the art industry right after highschool to the same effect, feeling completely inadequate to the point of wanting to disappear because, just like her dad said, she isnt talented enough to be an artist, the thing she loves most in this world will forever be out of reach.

and kanade, who feels fundamentally worthless (evil, even) and needs to constantly justify her own existence by 'saving' others, sees the rest of niigo mentally stable (mafuyu specially), no longer needing to be 'saved' via her music, maybe in her eyes no longer needing HER, and begins wanting to disappear as she feels aimless after finishing highschool and no longer has physical proof that she is 'saving' someone (i dont think colopale would ever do this but how fucked would it be if her dad died and thats what pushes her over the edge.. more plausible would be if he had health complications i think)

i feel like kanade and ena's central conflicts are more abstract than mafuyu and mizuki's, while mafuyu and mizuki have actual people they can confront who caused their hurt (mfys mom, mzks classmates), kanade and enas are a lot more. idk, internal??? maybe not completely for ena as trying to make a living as an artist is extremely hard and she has her dad as an 'actual person who caused their hurt' but i think shin'ei is a bit different?? hes not as antagonistically presented as mafuyus mom is, i havent read knowing the unseen yet but from what little ive seen it seems like we get a lot of insight as to why shin'ei did what he did and the affirmation that he does love ena a lot, which i dont think we will quite get with mafumom, who was in no uncertain terms shown to only care about the mafuyu who is a good girl.

kanade though i think does represent this entirely more interal conflict, shes had to face so much death and decay through her moms health issues and eventual death coupled with her dads current health issues that sometimes her darkness feels so much more. idk. dramatic?? tragic?? raw?? when compared to even the rest of niigo who while suicidal never had to face the Actual Death of a Loved One to where i think kanades journey to healing will be turbulent with her issues so deeply held. i dunno maybe lm Being Shitty And Doing A This Character Has It Worse. idk.

↓out of topic kanade ramble sorry. i feel like i dont have that strong of a grasp on her character so if im off base you can kill me ^_^

kanade has always had a different vibe to her in my eyes though.. her childhood flashbacks that are present in all her focuses and central to her character are so tender but have such a sad undercurrent, the way her parents raised her with unconditional love and support allows her to in turn support the people she loves in the present but theres always this facf in of your head as you see them, kanade is alone now, her mom is dead and her dad, while alive, might as well also be dead since he doesnt remember her, hes unable to help her in the ways only a guardian could, not only that but seeing him is an eternal reminder to her to how in her eyes she is worthless, she almost killed her dad, how can she go on living having done that.

[kidmachinate]

Diablo IV Early Access Beta Impressions

To start, I will state that Diablo IV seems to be in a good position to hook me again for some time. Maybe not the same time as Diablo II back in the day, but enough to warrant me playing the game with several people who are interested, while making different characters throughout and experimenting with builds.

The Hype:

Diablo IV for me is visually pleasing, which is already a better start than I can say took place with Diablo III. This is much closer for the first two games than III and I’m all for it. The trailers I think undersold how good the game actually looks when playing for this type of game. Environments are well detailed and are a joy to look at. Old school spells and abilities have fresh coats of paint and look visually pleasing. Having spent time mostly with the Sorcerer(ess), I can say while Fire, Cold, and Lightning all look good, Fire is both visually impressive and seems really good in game. Hybrid builds also seem more viable or even encouraged in this. Sticking to just one element perhaps is not the way like seen in Diablo II to be best effective. Perhaps this makes more sense since Diablo III went more towards spell rotations as opposed to spam the one main spell for max damage you mostly see in Diablo II.

While there is only so much more to go off of currently for story, with the way D3 went story wise, I’m okay with things being mostly new story wise for D4. It’s dark and I’m all for it. Lilith seems genuinely terrifying in-game and looks fantastic. The inevitable conflict between her and Inarius, I’m quite excited to learn about how it all plays out and more of how Sanctuary currently is vs the state it was in for D3. While story might not be a main thing for some in this, I’m genuinely curious again for this one.

The skill tree is not as complex as Path of Exile. I’m fine with this. I’m not looking for something that complicated. There’s enough depth to encourage experimentation without having to look up essays about it. It seems easier to manage and I do hope they keep respecing easy to do and/or done cheaply at any given time. Diablo IV controls the same way you’ve known for years. Same tired and true point and click and choose your skills accordingly that you want to use as you get them. Mounts will change this but were not accessible for the beta.

Changes to spells over time are neat. Fire got lots of love here. Fireball, to name an example, costs more mana, but has area of effect damage now as well as damage over time. This makes the raw damage fire spells do feel really good. Kudos to the team for making Hydra viable but one can debate it may be a bit too good currently. Cold has great crowd control options. Lightning is fun to use to see chain lightning pass through mobs for high damage while playing it safe if you combine this with a glass cannon ability, making you even more squishy in favor of more damage. Poking around Rogue seems pretty neat as well and Barbarians got the shaft. Shame for them. Hopefully more levels fix this. The thing with the skills however, is we haven’t seen the Paragon levels board yet. For now, I like it.

Crossplay is fantastic and smooth as hell. I got an invite from a friend on the Xbox and I was able to link up with them instantly. A few disconnects in our session however. I’ve said for a while something of interest that also has crossplay will likely get a good chunk of my time. We shall see how this plays out.

The locations in-game have been fun to explore and given how much time I put in over the weekend, it was important things stayed fresh enough to not bore me. I’m looking forward to doing it again next week. While this is the case, we can start going into my other points. However, to sum up this sections the pros do outweigh the cons.

The Concerns:

I do worry about server capacity. Why? Because it is Activision-Blizzard and they tend to not do well with this throughout many key releases in the past. While the beta issues were mostly non-existent for me after day one (long queue times and disconnects) they are still there and others did experience it. This may just be damn near impossible once it gets closer to the retail release…but one can hope, right?

While I had fun exploring dungeons and such, I do fear replay values may be an issue. Many of the dungeons that weren’t related to the plot are pretty much, get required items or key, unlock center door, fight boss at the end. Boss will have multiple stages in which you get health position recharges. Repeat for any other non-required dungeon. Elden Ring had this issue as well but with loot and skills and such to chase, it because a bit less monotonous. We shall see if this is the same throughout each given main area of the game or not.

Everyone should be concerned about the endgame. It is where Diablo will live or fail. It’s hard to comment on this as we obviously have no way to test it now, but it would be awesome to know about plans for seasonal content, expansions, and for the now, that sweet loot to chase and some varied world bosses. It is safe to assume we will get these along with the world events, but those also feel like you’ve done them all after participating in a few. There’s also statues to collect that give boosts to stats. Here’s hoping you don’t have to run around on a collectathon every season.

The Problems:

Trading is still the way it works in Diablo III. Complex for no reason because they don’t want to implement a proper system to combat cheaters. To my knowledge, Path of Exile does this and their game is free. We need a better trading solution.

Trust is the huge concern/elephant in the room. Activision-Blizzard isn’t going to show its hand early and we only have early access to go off of and leading up to it. Outside of a four day advantage if you get higher versions of the game and a supposed only cosmetic battle pass, not much to go off of. They are doing this so they clearly don’t care as least about this slight advantage so why not just let people keep their gear from the beta. It is far from endgame stuff and you won’t be keeping any of it anyway. So…just let us hold onto it? I’m on the hook for extra money, so I acknowledge I’m part of the problem I’m talking about, but if all I have to worry about are outfits and cost to get a battle pass or not, this would be perfectly fine. We however have Diablo: Immortal fresh on our minds and some of the worst use of games as a service tactics to date. For mounts in particular, I fear overpriced mounts like say Final Fantasy XIV.

Conclusion:

While I have complaints and it even seems like I had to stretch a bit to make them, they are legitimate concerns I have regardless of the fun I had with the beta based on previous news and actions from ActiBlizz. Fun is important and I can overlook some stuff if it doesn’t have any pay to win nonsense injected out of nowhere. The only “advantage” I want to hear of are the ones who are playing the game early, ideally not launching seasons right away, which will mostly negate what advantage even matters to most people who are going to continue to play.

[plugnuts]

Forced to spend my time on a phone that doesn’t want to charge :)

This was supposed to be JohnKat day but I can’t participate and I can’t stop being sad :)

Yeah I can’t even use the happy face ironically today has been so bad I’m sorry I’m even posting this I just want to vent a bit I dunno :(

[writing-multifandoms]

Avengers + others reacting to reader passing out/getting dizzy.

( headcanons )

REQUESTS ~ CLOSED

The whole team ( like everyone ) :

Peter and Bruce notice the signs first. The way your eyes are glazed over. Whoever is closest to you will grab your arm if you sway or stumble forward.

It kinda depends on why you're feeling faint. If it's because of sickness, Bruce will definitely give you an IV so that you start to get better

If it's because of not sleeping, don't be surprised if they drag you to your room and make you go to sleep for like the whole day.

If it's because you haven't ate, then everyone will start arguing over what you should eat. While everyone is arguing, Steve and Bruce sneak away to the kitchen and get you some chocolate and a glass of orange juice

If there's no reason, then they will make sure to have you sit or lay down. They will also always keep a closer eye on you.

Tony Stark

He probably will tease you about being clumsy. He might even make a little joke or comment about it. Once he realizes that you are dizzy, he instantly goes into action.

If you start to pass out and he cannot reach you in time, he'll have one of his suits get around you so that you don't injure yourself falling.

If you don't wake up pretty much immediately, he's going to get Bruce. He might joke at first but he's still worried about you.

If he does reach you in time, he's going to wrap him arm firmly but gently around your waist. Once your eyes slide close, he picks you up and waits for a few moments. If you don't wake up, he'll take you to Bruce.

Steve Rogers :

He's literally by your side as soon as you stagger to the left. He starts rambling off questions. Asking if you had eaten that day or if you are sleepy.

When you pass out from the overwhelming wave of vertigo, his worry triples. He checks your pulse quickly before picking up your limp form.

It doesn't matter if you were only unconscious for three seconds. He is still taking you to Bruce. He deeply cares for you and would never forgive himself if anything were to happen to you.

He also hovers slightly now. He wants to be close enough to make sure that you are feeling okay and not feeling like you are going to pass out.

Bucky Barnes :

" You okay there, doll?" He says as he moves closer.

Once he gets closer, he gets his answer. You feel the room spinning and you blindly grab whatever is close to you. Turns out is was Bucky's metal arm.

He positions his body to where his normal arm wraps around your waist. He doesn't want to hurt you with his metal arm. He guides you to the closest couch and gets a good look at you.

He is trying to get to the bottom of your dizziness when you end up losing consciousness. Bucky immediately yells for Bruce and checks your pulse.

When you wake up, you're in Bucky's bed, a IV in your arm.

" You gave me quite a scare there, doll."

Thor :

If you get lightheaded on Asgard he takes you to the healers immediately. He's is super worried about you. You mean the world to him.

If you get dizzy on earth, he takes you to Bruce. Will not hesitate to pick you up when he sees the way your eyes glaze over.

Will freak out even more if you end up passing out in his arms. He holds you close in his arms. If you are injured and pass out in battle, Thor is p i s s e d.

When that happens he will not hesitate to kill all nearby enemies, his eyes glowing a deep blue as rage clouds him.

Loki :

He'll react similar to Tony. He most likely will tease you about it and make some smart comments about it.

But the moment, your eyes flutter, he teleports to your side. He's a trickster and likes joking around sometimes. But, he will actually draw a line when it comes to your health or your well being.

Demands Bruce to make sure that you are okay. The good thing is, Loki can teleport/shape shift.

So if he notices from far away that you are close to fainting, he'll immediately be by your side, to make sure you don't fall.

May or may not tease you though.

" You fainted directly into my arms. If you wanted my attention, you did not have to resort to such extremes."

Stephen Strange :

Okay if it's before his accident, he will immediately check you out. He's also a " I told you so." Type of guy so don't be surprised if he scolds you.

He will be worried if you end up passing out. Will take you to the hospital but won't let anyone but him and Christine check you out.

If it's after the accident, then you are kind of in luck. He has been more aware of his thoughts. If he notices that you look like you are able to collapse, he won't hesitate to use his powers.

He'll freeze everything to get to your side. He'll resume time when his arm is snug around your waist. Does panic a bit if you end up passing out. Won't let you do anything for the rest of the day.

If you end up passing out before he can freeze time, his cloak will always beat him to getting to you. His cloak will keep you upright so that strange can pick you up.

Peter Parker :

He could sense something was off. He was worried as he made his way to your side.

" Y/N, you oka-"

You fainted out of nowhere, your eyes rolling back in your head as your knees buckled. He was able to stop you from falling.

He had caught you with a web, a string of strong material had latched on your back. This was good enough until peter was able to get in front of you. You slumped forward in his arms.

" Mr. Stark? What should i- d-d-do?" Fear was evident in his eyes.

" Hold tight, kid. I'll get Bruce."

You awaken three minutes later and Peter has tears in his eyes. He thought you were gone forever.

Bruce Banner

Instant worry. As soon as he notices you start to sway unsteadily on your feet, he's going to pick you up. He will do a thorough exam to try and get to the bottom of it.

If you do end up passing out, he'll catch you and lay your body on the exam table, making sure that you are comfortable. While he does your exam, he'll make sure to keep an hand on your hip to make sure that you won't end up slipping

He feels better if he can find a reason behind your fainting. However, if he can't, then he'll will just make a habit of checking up on you more to see if you are feeling okay.

Natasha Romanoff :

She was already super protective of you. She felt really worried when she noticed what state you were in. Discreetly wraps her arm around your waist and supports a good portion of your weight.

Her grip tightens on you when your knees start to buckle. If you end up passing out, she will lift you into her arms and go in search of Bruce.

She won't leave your side while you are being attended to. She will also hold your hand while you are out. This is so you will recognize her when you wake up so you won't be alone.

May or may not use you feeling dizzy as an excuse to cuddle extra close to you. That way if you do end up passing out she will be close to catch you. + More affection.

Wanda Maximoff :

If she cannot reach you in time when you begin to lose consciousness, she will definitely use her powers. She would levitate you as gently as she could.

It also depends on where you feel dizzy at as well. If you feel dizzy but you are out and about, she will discreetly being you close and wrap her arm around you to keep you upright and steady.

If you start to feel lightheaded at the compound, Wanda will fully use her powers to make sure that you are safe. She will also carry you to bed.

Will not let you get up unless it's to go to the bathroom.

Vision :

Starts asking you questions while guiding you to the nearest soft surface. If you do end up passing out, he will pull you into his arms. He will time how long you are out for. If it's longer than a minute, he's taking you to Bruce.

Also keeps you a little snack stash for whenever you feel lightheaded or feel faint. You have also noticed that he is starting to hover more ( literally and figuratively ). If he notices you start to sway, he'll go right behind you and gently grab you so that you lean back against his chest.

While doing this, Vision will also discreetly check your pulse and temperature, but most times when he does that you are too out of it to even notice.

Just naturally worried about you. He wants you to be happy and healthy so he always makes sure to ask if you are feeling alright. You should also use it to get more cuddles out of him. When you cuddle up to him suddenly out of the blue, he will immediately ask you if you are alright.

Sam Wilson

Takes you to Bruce immediately. No like for real. And don't even get him started if you do end up passing out. Sam loves you so much so he's going to make sure that you are good.

Definitely makes you eat real food. None of that instant stuff. Even if he has to make it himself. If it's stops you from feeling faint, then he's willing to do that for you.

CUDDLING.... MORE CUDDLING.

He is definitely one of those people who loves cuddling with their s/o. If you do end up passing out, he will definitely be taking you to Bruce.

If there is no reason for your fainting then Sam will put you in bed. He will also make sure that you are as comfortable as he can make you. He will also have your favorite snack/food and/or movie ready.

Might make a joke or two about it.

Clint Barton :

( I forgot him oops )

Okay, he's like a mix between Natasha and Tony. He would tease you a little but like the instant he sees that you are looking a little out of it, he kinda panics. He definitely hovers close to you. However long this spell goes on, he will have both hands on you.

Will drag you to Bruce of he has to. He doesn't play around when it comes to your health. Once Clint has you steady he will crack a joke or two after make sure that you're good.

" I guess you could say you're falling for me."

Is a lot more hesitant for you to go into battle. He's now like ten times more protective of you, especially if the enemies know about your fainting spells.

He feels a little better about it if there's a reason behind you feeling woozy. Of it's something that can be fixed like eating enough, he'll make sure he always has snacks/drinks on him when you are around. He'll pull you into his lap and will make sure you are straight .

[thegodwithin]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

[wormstar]

i was going thru ur blog and u have good posts about ableist aus and i was wondering - what if in the aus the requirements for warriors were different? Like instead of having to fight jay only hunts? Would the muddling of roles still be ableist? In a Tree-like situation?If its not presented in a "work super hard to get what you want" and more in a "yeah they can decide what he wants to do". This is mostly for jay (and cinder) specifically because they had desires to be warriors yet were forced to be medicine cats because of ableism (ig this can apply to briar but i just truly cant remember oots that well and i havent read her death). I am asking because i am still trying to unlearn the ableist mindset that i grew up with. Feel free to ignore this ask and thnx!

hey yeah thank you for asking! took the opportunity to write up more general thoughts on rewrites as a whole and i went over why exactly theyre ableist hopefully that provides a better perspective

i think the major thing to keep in mind is that the structure of the clans is very abled centric and overly ignorant of inner community work (for example dens are only solidified or altered when either the area takes damage/the clans grows wrt population) theres a fixation on marking territory and starting fights and whatever with other clans which is whats expected of most warriors to partake in. to fix those implications in any fanwork youve really gotta knead into them and understand the nature of their ableism....its not just a problem with cats being barred from being warriors its the whole occupation and the standard its held to, so to speak (+ that fits into general clan society being flawed but eh thats another thing and also its easy to branch out into thought about)

going to stress other disabled people might have other solutions to how disabled cats are received this is just how i like to think of things

first i think its kind of interesting to examine discrepancies between disabled cats in canon as somewhat of an indicator of clan attitudes and leaders and whatnot. like i think you could get something interesting by regarding lets say deadfoot in windclan and cinderpelt in thunderclan who both have bad legs yet had different experiences with them in clan life. if you wanna go a step further comparing generations like lilywhisker and deadfoot or cinderpelt and jayfeather (+ the consideration of how congenital disabilities are regarded) can also make things interesting and just give you an idea of what to do. having the clan systems stray from a clear-cut common attitude both gives you more freedom for different approaches + adds to worldbuilding anyway. imo boiling down clan society to perfect utopia just gets boring but you can have imperfections in the system that depict the disabled experience just fine. just be careful with them and the way they come across yeah?

(real quick as an in between. god just dont refer to cats/their injuries as crippled. it still happens somehow)

im a little ambivalent on the idea of creating a ‘special role’ for disabled cats to be thrown into. cause then thats a repeat of canon medicine den really. its like ‘oh youre disabled youre instantly discarded into the x role pit’ i think just adding substantial in-universe changes to the warrior rank itself (vagueness is fun actually) or expanding on ‘warrior types’ rectifies the othering angle. ‘othering’ as a whole is just as bad as the ‘exception’ archetype people run for most warrior aus i want to state that clearly. effectively if youre gonna introduce roles that dont depend on fighting or hunting or both make sure theres abled cats who have them too. like say you want a camp-based role where a cats job is to fix dens or one where they help in the nursery, its far easier for a cat who cant run to manage those but also have some cats who are physically capable of doing other ‘tasks’ do the same thing for personal reasons

the tree comparison is interesting honestly cause i guess you could just give a cat a particular thing to do as a nonfixed position. and roles accordingly being made for a cat to fill until they cant and the positions done away with afterward. but youve gotta do it carefully so you dont fall into othering as ive said. id avoid something like that personally i just dont like the quality of ‘well theyre not a warrior (the most noble/useful concept in cat society) theyre actually some other thing’

in general giving disabled cats agency and choice is the best thing you can do. whether this means them deciding on tasks they can do themselves or picking a certain kind of warrior to be or asking for an assistant to help them out when they do stuff. the way you wanna pull it off again depends on my first question of “how does the relevant part of your warrior cat world treat disabled cats already”

very important point, the majority of the ableism also comes in the form of character narratives and not just the structure of the world itself. like think for a bit why the writers decided jayfeather shouldve been forced to be a medic or why briarlight got killed off early etc etc. characters ‘wanting’ to be like the abled ideal and still being bitter about not fulfilling that years down the line are just part of the ableist storylines. if youre abled id literally say just do away with those sadstuck ‘i wanted to be a warrior!’ moments. if you really want to id say pull a cinderpelt or a shadowsight where a cats time in the medicine den started their fascination with medicine and they switched to that path due to personal intrigue. id say a more interesting and realistic angle to it is having a disabled cat who found fulfilment in doing something else besides being a warrior becoming bitter about their entire clan ‘mourning’ how theyll never fight again or giving them the pretence of being a warrior being the best thing you can do.... it depends on the character really

this is just a very basic disability thing but stray from the whole ‘useless/dead weight’ way of regarding disabled characters. like dont place their worth on how well they service a clan or not theyre still deserving of shelter and whatnot. you dont need to justify a cats existence or usefulness by going ‘well they may be blind but their sense of smell is excellent so we keep them around’ or whatever its just no good

last thing i can think of is like. dont disregard how a cats disability affects them. like its fine that briarlight cant fight (or even hunt major types of prey) she doesnt need some convoluted method that lets her do that. there are like a dozen other warriors hunting and fighting and theres present value and enjoyment in the stuff she does around camp. she doesnt have to be brightheart 2 its ok

[andromedasstarship]

i could not choose between 77-80 so i overbearingly ask u to use each of them with spencer reid if u wish 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

80. “Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner.” + 77- “If you want to leave, we can leave.”

send a prompt + character from this list! 

pairing - spencer reid x gn!reader

warnings - stress?? mostly fluff 

a/n - tysm kenna for requesting this i love you and i loved writing this. i also went overboard on this one bye! ive also never posted something this long in an ask reply before so if this looks weird BYE!

Your car had long gone cold, but you still couldn’t find the energy to pull yourself out yet. It was futile to try and wrestle your emotions into a tightly sealed box; as soon as you crossed the threshold of the town-home you shared with Spencer, you knew he’d be able to read you like a book. Damn genius profiler skills.

Taking a quick look at the time you knew you had to suck it up and go inside; you were pushing how ‘late’ you could be without him worrying something had happened on your commute home. With a deep sigh, you grabbed your bag from the passenger seat and exited the car; taking your sweet time with locking the car behind you and digging your house keys out of the bottom of your bag.

To put it simply, it had been a difficult year. It was the final year of your Phd. program and while- all things considered- you had had an amazing time, the past few months had been both physically and mentally draining. What was once your lifelong passion had suddenly started to feel like a chore; a chore you felt you weren’t even good at anymore. Almost every day was spent either in your own classes or teaching undergrads. Almost every night was spent on the final edits of your thesis or grading work from your students. The few moments of freedom you found were spent doing the boring parts of adult life: housekeeping, getting your car fixed, calling elderly family members, etc.

Neither of you had formerly addressed it, but you knew it was taking a toll on your relationship. Spencer being busy was a constant, but it was normally balanced out by your typical 9-5 schedule. But recently, even on the nights he was home you’d be too wrapped up in your own work to even sit down and eat dinner with him. By the time you crawled into bed he’d be long asleep and in the mornings you’d been leaving for work earlier and earlier in order to get research time in at the university library. It felt like the two of you hadn’t even been awake in the same room for weeks, let alone do anything relationship-y.

Tonight was supposed to change that. Kind of. His team was having a fancy dinner to celebrate some major milestone that you couldn’t remember. It’d been on the books for months, but kept getting pushed back by surprise cases. It felt like everyone held their breath this week, waiting for a case to pop up, but instead everyone was left pleasantly surprised when no such thing happened. It was going to be a great night: classic Rossi pasta dish, all partners and kids invited. Even though the two of you wouldn’t be alone, it’d still be a perfectly good excuse to get out, put on some nice outfits and have a fun evening with friends.

Spencer had been particularly excited. The past week, you felt as if it was the only thing he ever talked about. Not that the two of you were having extensive conversations. He kept talking about how great it would be to get out of the house and how much he was looking forward to having a totally work free evening. His excitement warmed your heart.

Which is why you were taking so long to find your keys. Today had been one of the hardest day you’d experienced in a long time. The thesis meeting you had with your advisor- that you’d been staying up late every night editing for- had gone horribly; it was as if everything you prepared was wrong. Almost every student in the class you taught scored poorly on the latest assessment- on a unit you considered yourself an expert on-, something you viewed as a failure of your ability to convey the info. And to top it all off, even though you felt as if you’d spent hours upon hours working yourself to the bone the past week- in order to clear space for tonight-, you still felt as if you had piles of work to catch up on.

You knew the stress and tension of the day would read clear on your body as soon as Spencer got a look at you. And with how excited he’d been, you absolutely didn’t want to ruin the dinner. You’d hate for him to feel as if you were being selfish or that you couldn’t even prioritize him in your schedule.

You took one last deep breath, before going to put the key into the doorknob. Just as you touched the handle, the door swung open from the other side.

“Jesus!” You exclaimed, one hand clutching your chest as you nearly jumped out of your skin. In front of you was Spencer, smiling down at you with that irresistible grin of his.

“Did I scare you? Sorry. I thought I heard you car pull up earlier and when you didn’t come in I thought maybe something was wrong so I wanted to come check-”

You quickly cut him off- even though you did find his worrying a bit endearing- by pressing a quick kiss to his lips. 

“A good song came on just as I pulled in, couldn’t just get out.” You lied, adding a small laugh for effect. It was an on brand situation for you, something certainly believable. If Spencer had any doubts, he didn’t question you, simply moved out of the doorframe so you could step in.

Inside the house, you set your bag down by the front door like you always did. While kicking your shoes off, you pulled your jacket off, smiling when Spencer had his hands already open to hang it on the rack. You knew he had that ridiculous memory- and you had a pretty set routine-, but it still made your heart swell every time he anticipated your next move and went the extra mile to be helpful.

“So, how was your day?" Spencer asked, as the two of you made your way to the kitchen area. “What’d Professor Addams have to say in your meeting?”

You clenched at the handle of the fridge, grinding your teeth before pulling the door open. When you turned to look at Spencer, you saw he made himself comfortable on one of the countertop stools.

“Went well. They gave me some uh, um, some comprehensive revisions.” You said flatly, turning back to face the fridge; missing the skeptical look Spencer was throwing you.

“That’s good?” He said slowly, before adding, “well how was class? You just wrapped up the last unit didn’t you?” You both knew he knew the answer, but was just attempting to further the conversation. Had it been any other day you would’ve found it endearing, but today just wasn’t that day.

You slammed the fridge door shut, just hard enough to be cause for concern. “I thought tonight was absolutely no shop talk. Huh? Why don’t we just start that rule now.” You said, a slight edge to your voice. It’s not his fault, it’s not his fault.

“Are you okay-”

“Yes! I just don’t-”

“If there’s something wrong, you know you can tell-”

“There’s nothing wrong-”

“Do you need to stay-”

“Stop!” You exclaimed, bringing an end to the constant cutting each other off. “Everything is fine. Okay?” You said, unable to maintain eye contact.

Spencer slowly nodded, though you could tell he didn’t believe an ounce of what you had just said. Luckily for you, he seemed to let it go, falling back in his seat.

“I’m gonna go shower and get ready and then we can leave, alright?” You asked rhetorically. When he just nodded again, you very quickly walked up to him and pressed another quick kiss to his lips. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

---

The ride to Rossi’s was silent, something that normally wouldn’t have bothered either of you had it not been for the borderline argument you had in the kitchen. As you pulled up a few cars down from the house, you caught Spencer staring at you from the passenger seat, a slightly concerned look on his face.

“Stop doing that.” You huffed out, but there was no real bite in your voice.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked gently, reaching out to push a piece of your hair away from your face. God that was sweet.

You quickly nodded and threw a very forced smile his way, not quite meeting his eyes. “I’m fine. I promise, come on.” You said, killing the engine and pushing open your car door.

Before you could fully open the door, Spencer’s arm shot out across your body and pulled the door back shut with a bang.

“Spencer!” You yelped, startled by his sudden movement. You turned and gave him a bewildered look.

“You always look over my head when you lie.” Spencer stated.

“Oh I do not-” You started, but letting the sentence fall flat as soon as you realized you currently were looking over his head.

“Your favorite song came on the radio, twice, on the drive here and you didn’t react at all either times.” He said. When you still didn’t say anything he continued. “What’s going on? You know you can tell me.”

The look he was giving you was making you feel all sorts of guilty. Of course he cared, that’s why you loved him so much. You just didn’t want to ruin something that’d been in the works for so long, all because you had a bad day.

“Spencer,” you started, giving him a very pointed look and making sure to hold eye contact, “I’m fine. Can we just go in?”

Spencer shook his head, externally searching your face for more clues while also internally thinking back to any clues from your kitchen fight. “We aren’t going anywhere, until you talk to me.” He urged.

It probably wasn’t the best move on his part, seeing as you both were incredibly stubborn. The two of you were unrelenting, both staring blankly at the other; hoping the other one would break first. After nearly 5 minutes of silence, it became very clear that neither of you were standing down anytime soon.

Spencer reached his hand out again, gently cupping your cheek; internally you cursed your body’s natural reaction to lean into his touch. “What’s going on?” He asked, voice much softer than earlier.

You were internally screaming over how caring he was. Damn him! You cursed yourself for not being able to just play the role of perfect partner for one night.

“I’m exhausted.” You said, voice quiet. “My meeting went horrible day. I absolutely failed at teaching my students the last unit. I’ve been bringing so much work back to the house I haven’t even been able to give you a second of attention. And now we have this dinner that you’ve been looking forward to for months and I don’t want to ruin-”

This time, it was Spencer that quickly cut off your rambles with a kiss.

“Do you want to leave?” He asked, as if it were the most simple thing ever

You gave him a shocked look. “Spencer, you’ve been talking about this dinner for weeks. I, I can’t ask you to put this off, you and the team rarely get time to-”

“If you want to leave, we can leave.” He said. His voice was so sincere it made the whole thing that much more difficult. He was too good.

“Spencer, no.” You said, putting special emphasis on the ‘no’. “We haven’t even walked in the door, there’s nothing to leave yet. I’m not going to ruin the dinner we’ve all been planning on for months. I’ll be fine for a couple hours.”

He didn’t answer, instead pulled his phone out and quickly started to type out a text.

“What are you doing?”

“Texting Rossi, I’m gonna tell him you aren’t feeling well and we can’t come anymore.”

“We’re outside his house! It’s not a big deal-!

“Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner!” Spencer cut you off, giving you a very pointed look. You weren’t sure your heart could take the swelling much longer.

“Spencer, you’ve been planning-”

“I don’t want to hear it-”

“You’ve wanted to get out of the house for so long!” You stressed, giving him a ‘duh’ look.

“We can go do something else!” He replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Just us, no pressure to be ‘on’ in front of anyone else.” That did sound good- No!

“I’m not gonna be the one who keeps their boyfriend away from his friends-”

“I see them every day. Every day. One dinner means nothing.” Spencer said confidently, clasping your hand tightly between his.

You contemplated for what seemed like hours; though it couldn’t have been more than twenty seconds. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of something in my life.” Spencer said, giving you a very mock serious look; you couldn’t help but laugh at that. “There you are.” He said, smiling to match yours.

You turned the car on, clicking your seatbelt back into place. “So, where to pretty boy?” You asked.

“Well, I heard of this new ice cream place that just opened up. Their ‘claim to fame’ is they make over 50 flavors in store every single day. Did you know on average it takes nearly three hours from start to finish to make a single batch of ice cream? Or that when ice cream-”

You shook your head in amusement, chancing a couple glances in his direction as you were driving. You loved his excited ramblings and animated hand motions as he further explained the history of ice cream; as well as all the random facts about the place he was directing you to. As you got closer to your new destination, all you could think about was how lucky you were to, to be loved by someone who always knew just what to say.

---

permanent tags - @sunflowersandotherthings

[namjoonswifey99]

What The Heart Wants Pt.6

Billy Hargrove X Reader

Warnings : Cursing , Bullying , Harassment , Billy being Billy 

Author Note: Hope You Enjoy This Chapter and I apologize this was supposed to be out but ive going though a rough patch with my family so i hope you understand.

Billy walked over to Y/N and Max; he couldn't help but overhear Susan talking to the police.

“ Sir please i just want my little girl I don't do anything else but her.” Susan says trying to calm her breathing from crying so much

“ Ma'am, your daughter stated she wants to go with her step brother and his girlfriend. We are gonna have to take you downtown for questioning. This isn't the first time Mrs.Hargrove.”  Officer Powell asked why detaining her.

Susan started to protest but saw that was Max was looking at her and stopped and held her head down and started walking with the officer.

“ I'm so sorry you guys had to see that, that wasn't what I was going for, I just wanted to get our stuff so we can move in.” Billy says looking sad he never wanted Max or Y/N to see that side again. Billy then looks towards Will who was just wide eyed.

“ Hey Will right i'm sorry you had to see that I truly didn't mean for you to see that.” Billy says with an apologetic look. Will looks up at Billy, surprised by the story Jonathan and Max told him.  He doesn't seem so bad hopefully they can be friends

“

“ It's okay Billy i understand”. Will says, accepting his apology. 

Y/N then runs up and pulls Billy into a hug and just embraces him Y/N was so proud of Billy he finally stood up against his father. “ im super proud of you baby” Y/N says kissing Billy’s cheek 

Hopper looked at the two teenagers and smiled. It was rare for guys like Billy. He's honestly happy that he has this chance to make his life right with the right people by his side. 

“ Come one let’s get some more stuff out the house and go to Y/N place” Billy says while getting his key from Y/N . “ Yessss so i can more stuff then i intended” Max says while shouting in excitement to bring more of her things. “ Well as long as it fits in the car we'll just get a truck to move it”. Billy says while correcting Max he doesn't want his car to be too crowded. “ You guys don’t need a bed or dressers. My parents got you guys covered with bedding just more clothes and stuff you can fit”. Y/N says while fixing the trunk to make room.

----- 1 Hour Later----

After an hour later they arrived at Y/N house. Her and Billy explained what happened at his fathers house . Y/N and Billy starts to explain what had happened down at his fathers house and how he was gonna move forward to have sole custody of Max and to be filed down as independent. 

“ That’s a very good plan Billy and you know you and Max can still for however long you like it’s no problem to us you were already family from the beginning” Y/N mother Angelina says while putting the cookies in the oven. 

“ I agree with my wife you can stay however long you like” Y/N father Tremaine says while putting the sodas in the freezer. 

“ we definitely appreciate the love and roof you're giving me and max I won’t let you down” Billy says while looking at them. 

“ You don’t have to prove anything baby, we love you just the way you are flaws and all “ Y/ N says as she looks at Billy with full love in the eyes.

“ BABY” Both of Y/N parents shouted at the same time. 

“ Ummmmm yea as of today me and Billy are together “Y/N says while looking down shyly. To shy look at her parents reaction. 

“ Ha I knew it Tre you owe me 40$ bucks” Angelina says happily she knew they was gonna get together 

“ Man you guys couldn’t wait till next week I could’ve had extra money” Tre says pulling out the 40 dollars to hand to his wife. 

“ You are not mad about us” Billy says confused because growing with a dad like his a relationship between him and Y/N would be frowned upon. 

“ never we don’t care as long as you live and respect our daughter that’s all that matters” Tremaine says to Billy while tenderly holding Angelina to him. 

Y/N was about to say something when the doorbell rang, she gets up to ask who it was when a familiar voice called out. 

“ Y/ N your favorite person in the whole wide world is here “ 

“ No I’m Y/N favorite you can ask her herself” 

“ No Y/N loves me more she makes me more food than any of you” 

“ Well Y/N be at my house almost every other day with my sister so I get to see her more than any of you” 

Y/N knew right there it was the rest of her miniature best friends. 

“ Well all you are wrong Y/N loves me more and I’m living with her” Max says with a smug look on her face as Y/N opens the door. 

On her porch stands Lucas , Dustin , Eleven, and Mike with Steve standing behind them. 

After Max’s statement chaos was issued.

“ What no way, no fair” Dustin whines in disbelief. 

“ Yea what Dustin said , How come max stays” Lucas says while looking offended. 

“ Well it’s easier for you doofus . She like me more” Max says sticking her tongue out at the boys. 

“ That means we can have all the sleepovers and waffles we want” Eleven says with a bright smile on her face. 

“ Okay now listen I love you all the same your all my favorites I can’t just choose one”. Y/N says trying to mediate the situation. 

“ What about me guys? I can be as cool as Y/N” Steve said with a cocky grin. 

The group just all stared at him. 

“ No offense Steve buddy but Y/N waaaaaaayyy more cooler than you by a landslide”. Mike says. 

Before Steve can retort, Billy comes to the door to see what’s taking so long and notices Steve and gives him an annoyed look. There’s one thing Billy is a lot of but he doesn’t put his hand on women. He may be an asshole and a bully but he’s no woman beater. 

Y/N felt the tension before Steve face gave it away.  Before a fight can escalate she steps in. 

“ Okay so I got 4 movies picked out then we can go to the bonus room and play some board games and before you even ask Dustin and Lucas yes I did make you guys favorite dessert”. Y/N says while ushering the kids inside the house. 

Before Steve can ask why Billy was there Y/N comes back out. 

“ Thanks for dropping the kids off for Hopper I’ll call him when it’s time to come get them, '' Y/N says with a kind smile. 

“ Uhh yeah no problem anytime” Steve says, stuttering, he wanted to apologize for his actions earlier but with Billy right there he’ll never get the chance. 

Y/N turns to leave when she notices Billy still staring down at Steve so she grabs him by the back of his shirt and pulls him in the house. 

The kids were all in the living room trying to decide which movie they’re gonna watch. 

“ Baby look at me” Y/N says, grabbing Billy’s face so he’s looking directly at her. 

“ baby you’ve changed for the better don’t let what today put you down you know I’m right here by your side every step of the way” Y/N says while looking him in the eye so he can see she really meant what she’s saying. 

“ I know baby it’s just I want them to know I’ve changed. I got my second chance at life and to do what is right and I couldn’t have done it with you my sweet angel by my side” Billy says lovingly to Y/N. 

The chemistry between Y/N and Billy is unmatched for the simple fact when it was him against the world Y/N was by his side and he will never take that for granted him and Y/N connection is way deeper than anybody can imagine. 

Y/N just continued to look at him with so much adoration in her eyes. 

“ Okay love birds we chose the movie we’re waiting on you guys now”. Max says with an eye roll. 

Y/N and Billy walked into the living room but not before Y/N leaned down and whispered in Max’s ear. 

“ don’t worry max I have a grand plan for Lucas”. Y/N says walking away with a small grin on her face. Leaving a blushing max in her wake. 

— 2 Hours Later —-

After the movie ended Y/N looked over at the clock and noticed it was 7:40. It looks like they only have time for one game before she has to call Hopper. 

“ So I have guys listen up, it's a little late so we have time for one more movie or game whatever you guys decide”. Y/N says while pulling out the games from the chest. 

After about 5 minutes they decided on watching another movie before they left. 

“ So Max I heard there’s this boy whose been crushing on you for a while” Y/N says teasingly. Y/N signaled for Max to play along if one thing Y/N knows about men is that they’re extremely possessive no matter what age. 

“ Yea and I like him back hopefully he asks me to the dance” Max says with a blush on her face. 

Y/N notices from the corner of her eye that Lucas is not taking what they said well which means her plan is going accordingly. 

“ if you need my help with getting him to ask you I’ll definitely do it” Y/N says eagerly. 

Before Max can let out her response Lucas stands up and takes her and says. 

“ Would you do me the honor of my date for the winter formal?” Lucas says while looking so nervous. 

 Max pretends to think about it which makes him start sweating. More than he already was. 

“ Yes doofus of course I’ll go with you” Max says with a smile. 

Y/N was happy for Max she got what she wanted but Billy on the other hand was not so ecstatic. Y/N looked over and saw Billy with a scowl on his face. 

“ what’s wrong”.Y/N asked. 

“ Don’t you think it’s to soon for them” Billy says with a pout on his face. 

“ Awwww his the big brother feeling protective” Y/N responds teasingly. 

Billy kisses his teeth at her statement. 

“ No” was Billys only response. 

“ awww baby it’s okay it just a school dance they’ll be fine” Y/N says while kissing his cheek. 

“……. Fine but I don’t like it”. Billy says to Y/N. 

Y/N laughs wholeheartedly. He was just so precious and cute when he’s worried. 

The kids looked over at them when they heard Y/N they looked at her like she was crazy but left it alone.She was alway like that with Billy.

“ Okay kids get your stuff ready I’m going to call Hopper”. Y/N says while getting up and grabbing the house phone. 

After a while Hopper picks up. 

“ Hey Hopper the kids are ready” 

“ Umm about that I’m stuck at work and I already called their parents to see if it was okay for them to stay” 

“ What did they say”

“ Well they wasn’t to keen on Billy living there but since they trust you they allowed them to stay” 

“Okay that’s great I do have extra clothes for them especially when they stayed here during the you-know-what.” 

“ That’s great do you also think you can drop them off at school or call somebody to help” 

“ No it’s okay I’ll ask my mom in the Morning to take the kids she’ll be happy to” 

“ Okay that’s great Y/N I’ll pick up Eleven after school so will the parents except Dustin he’s going with Steve” 

“ Geats I’ll let the kids and my parents know have a good night Hopper” 

“ You Y/N Bye”

“Bye” 

 Y/N hangs up and goes back to the living room to tell the kids. 

“ Okay guys put your stuff away your spending the night here and Billy and my mom will drop you off in the morning” Y/N says while getting the extra blankets and pillows out. 

“ Yesssss Y/ N you're officially the best ever”  Max says with excitement that her friends get to stay.  

“ Well I try my best but you should really thank Hopper. He's staying overtime at work,  so Max and Eleven are rooming in Max’s room , Boys you’ll be bunking with Billy”.  Y/N  says while taking them upstairs. 

“ Actually you guys can get my room. I'll bunk with Y/N just don’t touch any of my things”. Billy says while staring them down. 

“ Billy now my parents love you and all but they will literally kill us if they find us in bed together”. Y/N says wagging her finger in a no motion. 

“ We can leave the door open, I just want to spend time with you and cuddle” Billy says while wrapping his arms around her waist to bring her closer to him.

“ It stays wide open Billy im not playing with you” Y/N says while mugging him because she was not gonna die over this man even though she do love him her parents were a different story.

“ I understand baby i promise” Billy says while sealing their lips together in a nice passion lip lock.

[nyctophilin]

Fake Affection | IV

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Epilogue

Description: Han Jisung has been rejected by the girl he likes one to many times. He decides that he has had enough and is set on making her want him back. What could possibly make her want him more than seeing him with her rival after she boldly assumed he can’t find anyone better. That way Jisung and Y/N are stuck in a fake relationship until Jisung’s crush falls for him. Or he falls for someone else.

All rights reserved © nyctophilin 2020. Re-posting, copying and translating any of my works is prohibited.

Pairing: Han x fem!Reader, Hyunjin x fem!Reader

Word count: 7.6k

Genre: College!AU, Fake dating!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut

Warnings: swearing, mild description of wounds, dom!jisung, oral(F), fingering, protected penetration, heartbreak

A/N: This got so long, Jesus! Once again I am really sorry for not posting this on time. Thank you for understanding! I’m not going to say much about this chapter. But here’s a fun fact. I wrote the smut part last. Literally, everything that happens after the smut part was written before the actual smut. Just enjoy it! Feedback is not an option anymore!!! If you read the whole story you are forced to give me feedback. Please! I really want to know what y’all think about THIS chapter.

      “Stay still!” Y/N murmured, tapping the cotton pad on Jisung’s busted lip.

      It had been around ten to fifteen minutes since Jisung decided that it was a good idea to engage in a fistfight with Hyunjin. After her ‘boyfriend’ landed the first punch everything escalated in a full-on fight where, unfortunately for him, he was the loser. Not only was Hyunjin taller than him, but he also turned out to be a lot stronger and faster, barely giving Jisung time to fight back. 

      He did manage to hit the taller man a few times but he got hit three times more. They finally got separated when a group of male students passed in the hallway and Y/N begged them to help her stop the two. That way they took Hyunjin away and she dragged Jisung outside to the back of the university, to the same bench they sat on a few weeks back.

      “I can’t. It stings!” He once again jerked his head away when the rubbing alcohol made contact with his fresh wound.

      “Then you shouldn’t have fought!” Y/N held back the urge to shove him. He was injured enough. “Why did you even hit him in the first place?” The question that bugged her since he threw the first punch was finally out.

      Jisung grabbed her hand, stopping her from disinfecting his wounds further. Exhaling noisily he looked her in the eyes, an uncharacteristic seriousness present in them. Y/N looked back at him with expectant eyes.

      “You were in front of the window over the bench we sat at. Mina and the others saw when Hyunjin hugged you. I felt like doing that would make our relationship look more realistic and show that I’m a great boyfriend.” The confidence with which he said those words made her let out an incredulous laugh.

      “What?” Narrowing her eyes she tilted her head to the side.

      “What kind of a boyfriend would let another man console his girlfriend? I had to show her that I’m possessive and I don’t like sharing what’s mine.”

      Unable to control herself anymore she shove him hard and the man let out a wince. Y/N got up from the bench and took two steps away, trying to calm herself down. 

      “Mina, Mina, Mina! This is all you talk about!” Her voice was calm but her tone was stern.

      Jisung couldn’t see her face but he already knew how she looked.

      “I’m confused. Isn’t this whole thing about..”

      “IT’S NOT! It’s so not!” She burst, turning towards him abruptly.

      “How is it not?” The boy looked genuinely confused and that stirred Y/N on even more.

      “Are you serious now?” Jisung opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but closed it after taking a moment to think. “It is not, because it wasn’t her ass that you groped. It is not, because it wasn’t her chest that you touched. And it is definitely not, because it wasn’t a line that she drew that you crossed. This whole incident wasn’t about Mina and would not be even in a thousand years.” Her tone became harsher with each word she let out, turning into full-on screaming by the end.

      Y/N ran a hand through her hair trying to contain herself. She could not believe what just happened. The fact that he was confused as to why she was mad didn’t help her disposition at all.

      Jisung was watching her mannerism with blown pupils. He has never seen her this mad. She scared him in a way he could not explain. Maybe it was the fact that he just got beaten up and in her state, she could easily land him some punches that he was bound to remember. However, he had a very unsettling feeling running through him at the moment.

      “I never thought it would be such a big deal.” He let out but immediately regretted his words as he saw her lift her eyebrow.

      Letting out a breath and crossing her arms under her chest she fixed him with her eyes. In a voice that was so calm, it made the hair on Jisung’s neck to stand on end, she started talking.

      “Do you remember when you kept me awake until 1 AM to talk about the ‘Terms and Conditions’ of this whole fake dating thing we are doing? Do you remember how you made me agree to so many stupid things that we were supposed to do? I had one condition. Only one! Can you tell me what it was?” A smile so fake on her face, even someone from the other end of the university could tell it wasn’t honest.

      Jisung swallowed the lump in his throat, moving his gaze on the ground. He did not dare look her in the eyes anymore. Letting his tongue wet his bottom lip he opened his mouth to speak.

      “Don’t touch you.” He sounded embarrassed and ashamed and that pleased Y/N.

      “Exactly! I agreed to kissing, I agreed to hugging, I agreed to sitting in your lap if the situation asks for it. I only asked you not to touch me in any inappropriate way.” She took a short break to breath. “If I remember correctly when I told you that you texted me back ‘As if.’. What happened? Did I suddenly become worth fucking?”

      Jisung’s eyes widened at her words, the unsettling feeling from earlier growing. He could not explain to himself why he was feeling that way. Was it because of the way she was acting or because his behaviour pushed her to act like that?

      “What? No! It’s just…”

      “Just what?” She yelled, interrupting him.

      The man bit his bottom lip and slowly raised his eyes to look at her. 

      “I thought we were becoming closer, like friends. I didn’t think it was going to bother you so much.” In all honesty, he didn’t think much before acting. 

      He wasn’t sure why he did it in the first place. Maybe it was the fact that Mina was watching and he wanted to make her remember what she was missing out on. Or maybe it was the way Jay would look at Y/N every time the smallest gust of wind would make her skirt slightly flutter. He wanted to force himself to believe it was the first option, but deep down he knew he was lying to himself.

      “You are fucking right! We were becoming close. Compared to what I was thinking about you when I first accepted this deal, I really started to think that you were a nice and funny guy to be around. But you know what? Scrap that! You proved to be the asshole I always thought you were.” She let her head fall back as a headache started setting in. Letting out a frustrated moan she brought her head back up looking at Jisung.

      “And don’t even get me started about how upset I am that you punched Hyunjin. He was just trying to make me feel better after what you did. What is this going to do to your friendship?”

      “It will definitely be awkward when we’ll see each other at home.” Jisung murmured more to himself than to her.

      Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise. Taking big steps, she closed the space between them grabbing the boy by the collar. The man froze, stunned by her action. Bringing their faces close, she looked at him with demanding eyes.

      “You are roommates?” Her voice bewildered, as her eyes travelled to every part of his face.

      Jisung nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat. She pushed him against the back of the bench, knocking the air out of him. Her hand shot where her back was resting next to him and in a swift motion, she swung it over her shoulder. Taking a few steps away she turned around and looked at him with accusing eyes.

      “I can’t believe you risked your friendship with Hyunjin for..for. For a bitch who you are not even sure likes you back! How stupid are you? Do you want to know what you showed her today? You showed her that you are a nymphomaniac and a bogeyman.”

      Y/N ran her hand through her hair, annoyance pumping through her veins. She could not believe the audacity the man in front of her had. Sucking in a sharp breath, she continued talking.

      “Right now I should be with Hyunjin, not with you. He actually cares about my feelings. I should be there to nurse his wounds and thank him for caring enough to start a fight with your sorry ass. You don’t deserve me and my help! I should just leave and never see you again. Leave you to deal with your little crush by yourself but compared to you I actually care about other people. It’s so pathetic how after a year and a half you couldn’t make her your official girlfriend so I’m giving you another week. If by next Wednesday she didn’t fall head over heels for you, I’m out!”

      Looking for her phone in her bag, she took it out when she found it and dialled someone. Turning on her heels, she left Jisung alone on the bench. Following Y/N with his eyes, his heart sank when he heard the worried tone she used when calling Hyunjin’s name.

      Jisung remained sprawled on the bench from the way she pushed him and a deep sight left his chest. He had fucked up big time and he wasn’t sure if he could do anything to fix things. 

      The man couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that settled inside him when he remembered that she was on her way to see Hyunjin. She was supposed to stay with him. She was his girlfriend. Y/N was his girlfriend.

      He repeated that to himself for a few minutes knowing full well that it wasn’t true. They weren’t together. It was all just a game.

      Y/N watched him with attentive eyes as the spoon disappeared inside his mouth and his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed the soup. His face contorted in discomfort when the spoon touched the corner of his mouth that was cut. One of her hands instantly gripped his bicep while the other was awkwardly moving in front of him with no exact destination.

      Hyunjin held her hand and carefully placed it on the table, not letting it go. With a bright smile, he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

      “I’m fine, Y/N! Please, don’t worry. Eat or you’ll starve.” His voice was soft and loving, trying to show the girl that he was truly okay.

      Minho watched the scene unfold in front of him and a scoff left his lips. Besides that little cut in the corner of his mouth and a bruise on his neck, the man looked as good as new. He didn’t need the babying the girl was giving him.

      Shifting his eyes to Jisung, he felt an uncomfortable shiver run through him. The man had his lip busted in two places, a bruise under his eye and on his jaw and he had a cut on his forehead. And that was all only on his face. God knows what was hiding under his clothes. Hyunjin really didn’t hold back.

      Looking down at his tray, Jisung only had a protein shake that he brought from home on it. He was most probably unable to chew things properly thanks to the wounds on his mouth. He was sipping from the shake while watching with sad eyes how his girlfriend was almost glued to Hyunjin, making sure that he’s as comfortable as he can be. Minho was looking at him with pitiful eyes.

      “Jisung is more hurt, but I guess it doesn’t matter.” He muttered to himself, giving Y/N side-eyes.

      In an instant, the girl’s eyes were fixed on him, a cold look plastered on her face. He felt his bones freeze inside himself, and embarrassment washed over him when he realised how scared he got. 

      Y/N moved her eyes between Minho and Jisung before finally rolling them and shifting her attention back on Hyunjin.

      “Jisung is a big man that makes his own decisions. I’m sure that when he started the fight he thought of the possibility of getting beaten. Now he has to endure the consequences of his actions.” She said, finally taking a bite out of her sandwich.

      “That doesn’t change the fact that he was the one that got hurt more. You as his girlfriend should be caring about him, not about the guy that put him in this state.” Minho said feeling the bit of confidence he had in him leave his body once her eyes darkened with rage.

      “I don’t know if you knew that, but Jisung knows how to handle himself. Look at how well he’s handling this relationship!” Sarcasm dripped off her tongue showing Minho there were parts to the story he wasn’t aware of.

      A heavy silence fell upon the table after she spoke and no one dared to say anything for a couple of minutes. The only sounds were coming from the cutlery hitting the plates and bowls. Chan finally let out a sigh attracting the attention of a few people.

      “Maybe he had his reasons to start that fight.” 

      The older man tried resonating with her. All they knew about the situation was what Jeongin had told them. Y/N got really mad after Jisung touched certain parts of her body and she left them, Hyunjin close behind her probably wanting to console her. He agreed that Jisung had absolutely no business starting a fight after what he had done, but he was his friend and he felt obliged to take his side.

      Silence. For a minute Chan thought she wouldn’t answer him. 

      “Oh, he did. I know his reasons and I can assure you they were all shit. He has absolutely no justification for what he did.” Voice calm while looking the older male in the eyes.

      “They were still reasons..!” Felix said in a careful tone.

      She rolled her eyes exasperated. Who the fuck did they think they were questioning her like that. Is not like she was mad for no reason.

      Letting the sandwich fall into the plate, she got up and swung her bag over her shoulder.

      “I have something to prepare for Miss. Park’s class. Jeongin, I will see you later to go to rehearsals, okay?” The man nodded in her direction and she got out of her seat, taking a few steps away from the table.

      Abruptly stopping in her track she let out a sigh. They were right. She wasn’t like that. She was way better than that. Just because he was an asshole didn’t mean she had to be one as well.

      Turning towards the table, she walked behind Jisung’s chair. Resting her palms on his shoulders she bent down carefully placing a kiss on his bruised cheek.

      Jisung jumped slightly at the contact, taken aback by the sudden proximity. His cheeks became a faint rosy colour and he felt a knot forming in his stomach.

      “Make sure to disinfect your wounds when you get home, okay?” She whispered in his ear, her voice soft and he nodded slowly. He didn’t dare turn his head around to look at her. 

      “Take care!” 

      She straightened her back, but not before placing another kiss to his cheek. Waving her hand to the other people, she finally made her way to the double doors of the cafeteria, leaving the room.

      “God, this movie is so boring!” She exclaimed in the empty room.

      Y/N was currently sprawled on the couch in her living room watching some film Hayoon recommended to her. It was another Friday night without any plans to go out so she ordered some pizza, bought some snacks on her way home from university and opened a bottle of wine some of her friends gifted her a few months back.

      She wasn’t big on alcohol. In fact, she hated consuming alcoholic drinks but if that was going to help her with her boring night, she was more than willing to endure the sickening taste.

      Covered with a blanket pulled up to her neck, Y/N felt the heat suffocate her in a comfortable sort of way. She almost felt annoyed when she heard the familiar ring of her phone indicating she got a message.

      Letting one of her arms escape the confines of the blanket she shivered slightly when the cold air hit her skin. Grabbing her phone from the coffee table she brought it close to her eyes reading the notification on the screen. ‘Jisung has sent you a message’ Y/N rolled her eyes wondering why he couldn’t let her alone on weekends.

[Jisung,22:48]A guy from my major is hosting a party tomorrow night. Come with me?

      Y/N read the message a few times before scoffing. Was he really inviting her to some lame college party where people were only going to drink and have sex?

[Y/N,22:50]Parties aren’t really my thing…

      She really hoped he wouldn’t push the subject further. Every time she went to a party she ended up looking for her friends, that weren’t engaging in the most Christian of activities, everywhere to take them home. She had to drive each and every one of them home and help them walk into their bedrooms resulting in her arriving home two hours later than intended. 

      If that was not happening then she had to endure the advances of drunk boys and girls and protect herself from getting groped or rubbed on. That was the last thing she needed to end a week that was already shitty.

      Another ringing indicated she received a response.

[Jisung,22:51]Mina is going to be there. We’ve been texting the last couple of days and I think she might finally accept to be my girlfriend if I ask her tomorrow night.

      Y/N let her head fall on the arm of the sofa, a groan leaving her mouth. Receiving that message only meant she had to go. That might be his only chance to make a move on Mina until Wednesday when the whole fake dating thing was going to end.

      Then out of nowhere, a thought hit her and she started typing on her phone.

[Y/N,22:52]Then why do you need me there?

      If Jisung was going to make a move on Mina wouldn’t it be smarter for him not to want his so-called girlfriend there? Wasn’t she going to be an obstacle withs so many people that were aware they were dating around? Wouldn’t Mina be hesitant in accepting his advances if she was there?

      Y/N laughed loudly at her own thoughts. Of course, Mina wouldn’t care. She’s been actively trying to ‘seduce’ Jisung since their not so unexpected encounter at the outdoor cinema two weeks prior. Still, she was confused. How possibly can she be of help in that situation?

      She unlocked her phone upon hearing the familiar ring and read the message.

[Jisung,22:54]Make her more jealous. The chances of her accepting my proposal are bigger if she sees me with you.

[Y/N,22:54]Okay, fine. Text me the address and I’ll be there.

      She locked her phone and placed it back on the coffee table. Her phone went off a little bit later indicating that he responded but she didn't care enough at the moment to check. Wrapping the blanket around herself again, she continued to watch the movie that wasn’t paused during her talk with Jisung.

      “Oh my God, I should have asked him for more details!” She screamed a few minutes later when the movie got particularly boring.

      The moment she stepped out of the elevator loud music invaded her eardrums. Even if Jisung wouldn’t have told her the number of the apartment, she would have been able to find it. The door was wide open, coloured lasers getting out of the room and falling on the carpet of the hallway. 

      Numerous people were scattered all over the hallway, drinks in hand and Y/N was wondering if the guy that was hosting the party was the only one who lived on that floor. How was no one disturbed by the vibrant music and chatter of the dozens of students?

      When she came close to the door of the apartment a strong smell of alcohol hit her nose and she felt her insides turn upside down. This wasn’t going to be a fun night for her at all. She could sense it.

      Stepping inside the apartment she was met with the faces of some people she knew visually from university but most people there were strangers. Checking her phone to see if Jisung responded to her message she exhaled angrily when she noticed that he hadn't even seen it yet. This was absolutely great. She was in a house full of horny drunk young adults with absolutely no one familiar around her.

      ‘I’ll take a look around until he responds.’ she thought to herself. Maybe that way she will be able to find someone she knew. If Jisung was there, his friends were most probably there as well.

      The apartment was fairly big for someone who was supposed to live alone. A big living room, a separate office, a big bathroom, a bedroom which she thankfully didn't manage to see, loud female moans alerting her to stay away if she didn’t want to see live porn, and a big kitchen. 

      Stepping inside the almost deserted kitchen, she leaned over the island and placed her elbows on the cold surface. She was scanning the drink choices the host had displayed on the counters and disappointedly noticed how none of them was missing alcohol from their ingredients.

      “Can I offer you a drink babe?” A voice suddenly whispered in her ear.

      Her eyes went wide and all her senses heightened. Y/N almost fell down when she abruptly turned around but the owner of the voice secured a strong arm around her waist. A cheerful laugh she knew far too well filled her ears and she angrily hit Hyunjins chest, who only started laughing harder at her action.

      “You scared the shit out of me, you asshole!” She yelled over the loud music wanting to get out of his grip but he didn’t allow her.

      “That was the whole point.” The man chirped happily, knowing that his little prank worked.

      Y/N rolled her eyes at his childish attitude and slightly pushed his chest. Looking away from him to hide her smile, her gaze fell upon the other two people in the room. Insistently staring at her, they were whispering between themselves. She recognised them as being from Jisung’s Major. Their eyes were burning holes into her head and she awkwardly got away from Hyunjin’s embrace. What was up with them?

      “Seriously now. Can I offer you a drink?”

      “I don’t drink.” Came her short answer that left the boy surprised.

      “I don’t want to sound rude, but why did you come then?”

      “Jisung invited me. Speaking of him, have you seen him around?”

      Hyunjin’s expression turned into an apologetic one before nodding his head. Y/N threw him a questioning look signalling him to continue and the man chewed on his bottom lip before letting out a long sigh.

      “He’s with Mina somewhere around here.” Y/N’s expression brightened involuntarily before quickly going back to a neutral one. 

      This must have been the reason the two boys were staring at her so insistently.

      “Oh.. Well then, do you want to talk?”

      “I really missed you! It was so lonely without you this past month.” Mina yelled over the loud music and Jisung swore he almost went deaf.

      He was currently leaning against a wall with Mina pressed against him. Her palms were pressed on the wall behind him, breasts pushed against his chest and one of her legs between his, teasingly close to his crotch. At that moment Jisung could think of only one word to describe her.

      Annoying.

      She was so annoying. He noticed this ever since they started texting again a couple of days ago. She was mean, self-centred and really vulgar. The jokes he used to laugh at were not funny anymore, seeming more like straight-up bullying. She was talking about herself so much. Every time he said something about himself she would brush it off and go back to talking about herself. And when reminiscing the ‘good old times’ she would bring up only their sex life.

      Looking back at the year and a half he has liked her, Jisung could not explain to himself why that happened. There was really no reason to like her platonically, let alone romantically.

      “Really?” He asked, trying to seem interested in whatever she was saying.

      “Aham. There wasn’t really anyone able to satisfy me the way you did.” She winked at him and Jisung held back a grimace.

      Was that supposed to make him feel flattered? He felt like it should have, but for some odd reason, he only felt disgusted by the information. Was she really incapable of having a conversation without mentioning sex at least once?

      Averting his eyes from her, Jisung’s gaze landed on the pair sitting on the couch for the nth time that night. Y/N was lying against the back of the couch and Hyunjin was leaning towards her, whispering things in her ear that made her giggle. Jisung couldn’t hear her, but he bet she sounded so cute at that moment. And all because of Hyunjin.

      For the past few weeks, he has been feeling really weird around Y/N. His stomach full of butterflies, face covered in pink, the desire to hold her hand and rage filling him every time he’ll see her with Hyunjin or Jeongin. And that was exactly what he was feeling at that moment.

      Jisung has recently accepted that he has a crush on the girl. He thought of it a few times before, but somehow his mind would wander back to Mina and he would dismiss such a possibility. However, at that moment looking at how Hyunjin was so close to her, he was certain about his feelings.

      As if they have talked about it beforehand, Hyunjin’s hands rested on Y/N’s thigh at the same time Mina pressed her knee against Jisung’s crotch and he felt something inside himself shift. Carefully pushing Mina away from him as to not hurt her and murmuring an apology he made his way to the couch. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He just knew he had to take her away from him.

      Y/N’s eyes looked up at him and a smile appeared on her lips. Hyunjin’s gaze followed hers and he retracted his hand from her leg upon laying his eyes on Jisung. He felt a small weight being lifted from his chest as Hyunjin’s hand left her body.

      “Y/N, can we talk?” He yelled over the music, making sure she hears him.

      Yes, that was a good idea. They were supposed to be a couple. There was nothing weird in wanting to talk.

      Her head fell to the side and her brow raised in confusion. Looking at Hyunjin, he gave her an awkward smile.

      “Sure. What is it?”

      “Not here. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

      She threw Hyunjin one last look before sighing and getting up from the couch. When Y/N got next to Jisung, he held her hand and intertwined their fingers together. The man was leading her out of the apartment. They walked down the hallway in silence until they reached the door at the end of the corridor. 

      Jisung pressed the handle pulling the door open and Y/N’s eyes widened in shock.

      “Jisung, wait! What are you doing?” She pulled his hand, stopping him from entering the apartment.

      “Don’t worry. I and Hyunjin live here as well. This is our apartment.”

      She calmed down at his words and let the man pull her inside. Once inside, she took a few steps away from the door looking at the way their apartment was furnished. Hearing the door close behind her with a small thud.

      “So...is this the part where you break up with me because you and Mina are so in love with each other?” She chuckled and turned to look at him but was met with serious eyes scanning her up and down.

      “Hey, is everything okay?”

      “Let’s date! For real this time.” He said in a pleading tone coming closer to her.

      Y/N’s eyes widened and she took a few steps back, startled by the man’s sudden demand. She studied his face for a few seconds looking for a sign, anything, to tell her he was joking but his expression remained unchanged. She gulped visibly and gathered her courage to speak.

      “W-what?” Y/N stumbled over her words letting her nervousness show.

      Jisung came closer to her, putting his hands on her arms, holding her in place. She didn’t back away this time, letting the boy come as close as he wanted.

      “Over the last few days, I realised that I don’t love Mina like I thought I did. I guess I was confused. She was the first girl that approached me when I entered university and immediately after we started hooking up regularly. I never interacted with other girls with the intention of dating them and I didn’t realise what a bad person she was. I don’t want to date her. I want to date you!”

      His eyes were staring into hers with a newfound sincerity. Y/N was taken aback by his words and didn’t know if she should believe him or not.

      Leaning her head towards him, she sniffed loudly making Jisung pull his head back, his brows furrowing in confusion.

      “What a-”

      “Are you drunk? I can’t smell alcohol coming from you though.” Y/N said inching her head even closer to his and taking another sniff.

      The man was dumbfounded by her question. This is not what he expected. 

      “I haven’t had alcohol in a month.”

      Her expression turned into one of realisation and a sympathetic smile appeared on her face. Jisung smiled back at her, relieved that she finally understood him.

      “Did Mina reject you? This is why you suddenly want to date me? Listen Jisung, I unders…”

      “Damn it, I love you Y/N!” He cut her off, cupping her face with his hands and pressing their lips together.

      His sudden confession made Y/N freeze. For a moment she lost sense of reality and couldn’t think straight.

      When she regained her composure she had the urge to push him away but as his tongue was exploring her mouth she found herself unable to. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into the kiss, savouring his taste.

      Their lips were moving against each other in perfect unity and the kiss wasn’t too slow or too rushed. Jisung started walking, forcing Y/N to move backwards until they reached the living room. 

      Without breaking the kiss he crouched down and placed his hand on the back of her thighs. Taking the hint, she jumped lightly and let Jisung put her legs around his waist. Carrying her as if she weighed nothing, he walked into what she assumed was his bedroom and carefully placed her on the bed.

      Jisung broke the kiss, a single strand of saliva still connecting them. In a swift motion, he took off his hoodie revealing his surprisingly well-built body to her. Pushing her back against the mattress, he used one hand to prop himself up hovering over her and the other one snaked around her waist keeping her flush against him.

      Peppering light kisses from her ear to her jawline he let his teeth sink softly in her delicate skin. His mouth was sucking on the sensitive skin while the hand around her waist went further down, groping her cheek and squeezing.

      A gasp left her mouth at the stimulation and Jisung felt his shaft twitch inside the confines of his black jeans. Moving his hand from her arse to the front of her pants, he unbuttoned her pants and slid the zipper down with a quiet noise.

      Kissing and nibbling on her neck to distract her, Jisung slid his hand inside her pants brushing it over her clothed slit, not touching her properly yet. Y/N whined louder than he expected her to and bucked her hips up, connecting her heat with his hand.

      Smirking against her neck, he let his palm rub her, ripping a series of quiet moans from her. Getting his tongue out and leaving a wet trail from her neck to her ear, he bit her earlobe.

      “Want me to touch you, princess?” Whispering hoarsely into her ear, he moved her underwear to the side, tracing the outside of her heat.

      “Yes Jisung, please!” Her loud voice strained.

      Jisung hummed, satisfied with the response and connected his lips with hers again. The kiss was slow and passionate but his wounded lips were rough against hers.

      Hooking his thumbs in the hem of her panties, he slid them down taking her pants off at the same time. Letting his middle finger explore her pussy, he sank his teeth into her bottom lip softly when he felt how wet she already was. Sliding a single finger in with ease, Jisung started pumping it in a steady rhythm. 

      Adding another finger, shortly after he felt Y/N tighten around him and he twitched again at the thought of her pussy around his dick. He increased the speed of his fingers forcing her to moan louder. Soon the room was filled with moaning and squelching sounds.

      Breaking the kiss and licking his lips, he connected his nose to her skin dragging it down his body until it touched her pubic bone. The faint touch of his nose tickled her and she chuckled between breathy moans.

      Connecting his eyes with her pussy for the first time he felt his mouth water at how wet she was. Without losing any more time Jisung dove in placing an open-mouthed kiss on her clit. He groaned lowly against her slit sending vibrations through her body. Y/N whined and threw her head back at the unexpected stimulation, bucking her hips up against his face.

      Jisung was running his tongue through her labia, lapping at her sweetness while moving his fingers restlessly. He curled his fingers upwards inside her and flicked her clit with his tongue. 

      “F-fuck...Jisung!” She cried out fingers instantly tangling in his brown locks.

      Jisung took it as a sign to increase his speed, fingers curling up from time to time and tongue abusing her sensitive bud.

      Y/N felt the knot in her stomach become impossibly tight and she tried to no avail to push the man away from her. She finally felt the tension inside her unwind and a world wrecking orgasm hit her, a string of curses and moans erupting from her throat.

      Jisung continued to move his fingers inside her for a bit, helping her ride out her high. When Y/N calmed down he took his fingers out of her and watched in awe as her juices entirely coated them.

      Shoving his fingers inside his mouth and licking them clean, he got up from the bed and walked up to his desk. Opening the bottom drawer and rummaging through it he pulled out a silver package. 

      Y/N was watching him through hooded eyes still swimming in the aftermath of her orgasm. On his way back to the bed he took the liberty to take the rest of his clothes off, remaining completely bare in front of him. Y/N gulped visibly when she noticed his cock standing tall against his abs, the tip slightly curved red and leaking precum. She squeezed her thighs together, the need to be filled again unbearable.

      Jisung climbed into the bed and captured her lips into a short kiss. Y/N could taste herself on his lips and she gasped.

      Ripping the package of the condom open he rolled it on his length. Jisung spread Y/N’s legs and forced them to wrap around his waist. 

      With one hand he was holding hers, fingers intertwined and squeezing lightly and the other one was on his cock holding it next to her opening. Jisung stared into her eyes to find any form of restrain and when he found none he pushed inside slowly.

      Both of them moaned loudly as he entered her, walls stretching around his rigid length. At that moment all Jisung could think about was how much more better Y/N felt around him than he imagined.

      A strand of light made its way between the light curtains in Jisung’s room and fell over the bed, tickling his arm where it touched it. A raspy hum left his mouth and he turned to face the other way from the window, throwing his arm on the other side of the bed with the intention to snake it around Y/N’s waist. The only problem was that she wasn’t on the other side of the bed and the sheets were cold, signalling that she was gone for at least some time.

      He lazily opened his eyes and scanned the room for any signs that she was around but there were none. Turning his head to look at the digital clock on the nightstand, big bolded numbers read 13:34. It was already afternoon. Maybe she got up and was in the kitchen or the living room.

      Groaning loudly, Jisung got up from the bed and stretched his stiff limbs. Dragging his feet against the floor lazily he made his way into the living room only to find it empty as well. 

      ‘Maybe in the kitchen.’ he thought to himself. Jisung walked the small distance between the living room and the kitchen, hope filling his heart, only for it to be gone when he found it the same way they left it the night before, not even a speck of dust moved from its previous position.

      Making his way to the table in the middle of the room, he placed his elbow on it and rested his head in his palm, an elongated sigh leaving his chest. Did Y/N really leave him? After everything that happened?

      Then, out of nowhere, something in his brain sparked and he remembered that Sundays she usually met up with Jeongin to practice the script. This must have been the reason she was not there. She wouldn’t leave him after what they did the previous night.

      Jisung’s face brightened at the memory of her underneath him. The way they loved each other with so much passion and desire. He could feel it. It wasn’t just plain fucking like he used to do with Mina. Last night he made love to her for the first time in his life. 

      An involuntary smile crept on his face. He could not believe it was real. Falling in love with someone that also likes you after so many failed attempts to find love. It felt almost too good to be true.

      As he was sitting there, fantasising about his relationship with Y/N, the apartment door swung open and a cheerful Hyunjin entered, humming a bright melody. Jisung ignored his roommate, too caught up in his daydreaming to care about his presence.

      When Hyunjin noticed Jisung sitting at the table his smile widened even more. With big steps, he reached the other man and pulled him into a chokehold ruffling his hair with his fist.

      “Jisung, you big tut! Really made me think that our friendship might be over.” Hyunjin chirped happily, letting the other man, who was struggling in his grasp, go. 

      “Yo, what the fuck? What are you talking about?” Jisung snapped at the taller man the moment he was free.

      “Why haven’t you told me that you and Y/N were just fake dating. I wouldn’t have given you such a hard time. But then again, I guess it made the whole thing more realistic.”

      Jisung stopped in his track at Hyunjin’s words and a confused expression adorned his face.

      “How do you know that?”

      “I met up with Y/N today. She told me everything before she confessed to me. Damn, and I wanted to be the on..”

      “Wait, slow down! What do you mean she confessed to you?” His eyes narrowed and suspicion was growing inside of him.

      Was Hyunjin lying to him? Did he want to tease him for having to resort to fake dating to try and win Mina? It was impossible for Y/N to have confessed to Hyunjin. She liked him.

      “Y/N confessed to me when we met today. She said that she liked me since last year but didn’t have the courage to come talk to me. Isn’t that crazy? How we both liked each other but never talked?” Hyunjin continued rambling on about his crush on Y/N but Jisung couldn’t hear him.

      All sorts of thoughts ran through his mind at the moment but he couldn’t organise them. Jisung could feel his heartbeat inside his head and a loud ringing in his left ear. He was so disoriented at that moment. Was it real? Did Y/N really confess to Hyunjin? He hoped that any moment now he would wake up next to her in his bed and discover that he was having a nightmare and that what was happening was not real.

      “If you stay and think about it, we wouldn’t be together now if it weren’t for you asking her to fake date. I should thank you, shouldn’t I?” The man chuckled but was soon cut off by Jisung, who grabbed him by the collar and harshly pushed him against the table.

      Hyunjin’s pupils were blown from the shock. Looking down at Jisung he noticed his darkened and angry gaze and he could not understand what caused that.

      “Don’t you thank me! Don't you ever give me credit for bringing you two together.” He yelled in the other man’s face.

      He paused for a moment to make holes through Hyunjin’s head with his eyes and clenched his jaw. Giving his roommate a last hard push that caused the table to move from its place, he turned around and stormed into his room slamming the door shut.

      Jisung’s blood was boiling. He didn’t know what to do at that moment to calm himself down. Y/N hadn’t left because she was busy with the movie. She left to meet with Hyunjin. Because she didn’t like him back.

      In a spurt of anger, he ripped the blanket from the bed throwing it on the other part of the room. Looking back at the bed, the place where he proved his love to her, he noticed a neatly folded paper resting in the middle of it. How hadn’t he noticed it earlier?

      He bent down to pick it up from the bed and carefully unfolded it to start reading what was written on it.

“Dear Jisung,

It’s me, Y/N, but you probably know that already. I’m writing you this because I won’t be here when you wake up.

What happened last night was a mistake on my part. Maybe ‘mistake’ is not exactly the right word to use. I don’t regret what happened between us last night. You are a nice and smart guy and I had a lot of fun with you the past few weeks, ignoring your fight with Hyunjin. This is why I feel like I took advantage of your feelings for me.

I don’t feel the same about you… I’m really sorry! I should have pushed you away when you kissed me. I don’t know why I didn’t. Probably because I haven’t had sex in so long. I feel like I gave you fake hope by doing that and I’m so sorry.

All this time, the whole fake dating thing was exactly that for me. Fake dating. If some of my actions made you think I might be returning your feelings, I’m really sorry! 

I did start liking you a lot in the past weeks but not in the way you would like me to… I really hope we can still be friends but if not, I would not blame you.

I’m really bad at this kind of things. I hope my feelings managed to reach you through this letter. See you at school on Monday if you still want to be friends.

Another thing. I’m going to confess to Hyunjin and tell him about our fake dating today. I was already scheduled to meet him today to talk about that since last night at the party. I felt like I should let you know.

And If I do end up dating him, like I want to, I hope you will be okay with that.

Take care of yourself!

Much love,

Y/N”

      Jisung lowered his hand and let it dangle next to his body. Letting the letter fall from his hand and hit the floor, a maniacal laugh left him.

      “Of course she doesn’t like me back. This is what I get for choosing an actress as my fake girlfriend. This was just another job for her.”

      In his mad chase to get Mina, he hasn’t realised that he was losing what was next to him. But maybe Y/N wasn’t ever his. After all, all the love and affection she showed him was fake. 

      And like a fool, he fell for her fake affection.

Taglist: @qxkwu , @hoodlesspizza, @avisahoe, @just-let-me-go-sweetheart, @hyunooh, @iluvlix, @hwangful​(send an  ✨ to be added to the Fake Affection taglist, even though there’s only the epilogue left.)

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part V/VII)

"the perfect excuse"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadowss @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley19 @dianarte

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa

Warnings: language, drinking, makeout getting spicy

A/N: idk what happened here, this was not planned I'm just horny ig??? Anyway have this part that was definitely not meant to unfold like this but hey, I'm not mad, so enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

I checked myself in the mirror one last time before heading to the kitchen. There was no actual need of dressing up nicely, since we both would be spending New Year's Eve at the flat, but since Ginny, Ron, Harry and Hermione were coming, we decided to clean up for our guests.

"Hmm, smells good." I leaned on the doorframe, observing George finishing cooking.

"These past five months' messes paid off." He joked, grabbing a kitchen rag to clean his hands. "Can you keep an eye on it while I go get read..." He trailed off automatically when his gaze landed on me. "Woah— okay." He cleared his throat, eyes slightly widened at my outfit, and I couldn't help but enjoy a bit too much his attention. "You look really good— is that the new blouse?"

"Yup." I replied, a coy smile dancing on my lips as I stepped to him and picked the kitchen rag myself. "C'mon, go clean up nice for our guests."

It only took him a couple of minutes, since he might have had his suit ready.

"Mind lending a hand with the tie, love?" He requested, stepping into the kitchen with his attention on the shirt's cuffs which he was buttoning up.

Damn, he looked so good; it wasn't even fair.

"Y/n?" He chuckled, finally looking up.

"Uh— yeah! Sure." I threw the rag over the counter and led my hands to the tie, taking my time to make the knot; maybe I wanted an excuse to have my hands on him.

We stayed in silence until I was finished; it wasn't an awkward silence, but it wasn't comfortable either— it was, in fact, stifling.

"There you go." I more like whispered instead of talking, sliding my hands down his chest briefly. His eyebrows were knitted, trying to decipher my demeanor; his hands caught one of mines before they fell limply on my sides, and for a second, I thought he was about to do something really stupid —something I had wanted to do for the last three months—, but then the bell rang and we stepped away from each other, going to receive Ron and Hermione as if that moment hadn't happened at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GINNY'S P. O. V.

I took a sip of my brandy as we laughed at Ron's joke, my eyes drifting to Hermione and then to Y/n's lap, where Teddy rested, giggling and blabbering nonsense at George's hand movements and funny faces.

George had confided me quite ashamed that he fancied Y/n about two years ago, but I knew the looks he gave her were of something more than a little crush, if you may.

Had I not known Y/n, I would be worried she was projecting Fred onto the younger twin, but the girl knew better than that, so when we got to experience how their domestic life unfolded during New Year's Eve, I felt nothing but happiness at the way Y/n laughed at my brother's jokes, or how she stared at him in pure adoration as he played with Tonks's and Lupin's baby.

"You're getting him waaay too exited, mate." Harry chuckled, extending his arms for Y/n to hand him the toddler. "He needs to go to sleep."

Teddy, who we had put to sleep in Y/n's room shortly after dinner, had woken up right before the New Year came to us, and, since he refused to go back to sleep, Y/n took on the task of entertaining him. George joined as soon as he witnessed Teddy's hair going rainbow-like at Y/n's actions.

"Actually, I think we all need to go to sleep." I said, leaving the glass on the table.

"Boo, you're supposed to be the youngest!" Y/n whined, earning a laughter from the rest.

"Ginny's right, though." Ron stood up and all of us followed his lead. "It's really late and I don't want mum to see us drunk when she wakes up."

"Not a good impression to make on your future mother-in-law, oi, Granger?" George's tease made Hermione's cheeks flush, murmuring an 'idiot' before giving him a hug. "Take care, all of you." He added after he and Y/n had hugged everyone goodbye.

The five of us exited the flat and apparated in the Burrow's yard in silence until Harry asked, "are they together now?"

"We don't know." I confessed with a grimace.

"Well, together or not, they're definitely fucking."

"Ronald!" Hermione exclaimed, slapping her boyfriend's arm.

"I just said what everyone else's thinking." He defended himself, and none of us could deny it.

READER'S P. O. V.

We began to pick up the dirty plates, glasses and cutlery in order to take them to the sink and leave them there to wash them tomorrow.

"Oi, look what I found." George wiggled a firewhiskey bottle at me from the living room.

Without thinking twice, I grabbed the half empty ice cream tub I had just left over the counter, a couple of clean glasses, and I made my way to George.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"—and that was only in our... Third- no- fourth! year?" He finished the story, joining me in the giggling; I didn't doubt the story was funny, but I was sure it seemed ten times funnier because of the alcohol. "Wait- where were you back then?" He knitted his brows in confusion.

"A year below you." I laughed.

He snorted. "Below me," he took a look at his empty glass before reaching for the bottle with a laugh "hell, I wish."

I couldn't help but laugh too. "Sure you do." I wouldn't have laughed if I were sober, but then again I highly doubted he would have said that if he were sober. "Y'know- you can have me below you anytime you want, Georgie." I replied between lazy giggles, leaning on him so he would pour more firewhiskey into my glass too.

A loud snort left George, triggering one of my own. "Sure, darling." He loosened his tie and tossed it to the floor. "Why's it so hot in here?"

"Mmm... Must be 'cause of you." I threw my head back to stare at the ceiling. "Or... maybe's just the alcohol." I groaned at the feeling of my head spinning, and sat upright again to chunk the now full glass in one go. "I'm hot too."

"Oh darling... You can't even imagine how much— I mean... Every day— but tonight you look partic... particular...ly? Dashing." George was leaning back against the armchair's feet, his eyes closed, his cheeks flushed and an amused smile dancing on his lips. "Why must you be so bloody perfect?" I found myself staring a bit too much at the ginger. "There's still a conscious part of my brain that knows I shouldn't be saying this shit." An idle chuckle left his chest and one of his eyes peeked open. "I'm gonna blame the alcohol, aight?"

Right, the alcohol —The perfect excuse.

I laid my glass on the floor and got up, stumbling towards him. "Oi, careful— you don't wanna trip and fall." He laughed, steadying me with his hands as I plopped down on my knees besides him. "We won't make it to St. Mungo—" With one hand on his shoulder and one on his cheek, I went for it, cutting him mid-sentece in the process.

It was one hell of a sloppy kiss, and I was so concentrated on doing it right that I didn't even hear the moan I sent into his mouth.

What the hell are you doing?, My mind screamed.

I attempted to pull away, but I felt George's hands on my sides, clutching my clothes in his fists to tug me flush against him. I took the cue and did my best to climb onto his lap and straddle his legs without losing balance.

What we were doing felt terribly wrong, and, the morning after, we would regret this little slip so much, but in that exact moment I could only think that his lips tasted like fire whiskey, strawberry and chocolate, and that the quiet moans slipping through them between the kisses were loud enough to quiet down everything in my head.

I stopped to take a breath, resting my forehead against his; our eyes locked, pupils blown out.

Heavy pants left our lungs, as if we had just run a marathon. It felt like the kiss had made a bomb go off, one that we had unconsciously been building up those past months.

It took an instant of looking at each other to know we thought the same; we wouldn't get this opportunity ever again, so at that point, we might as well carry on and pray for it not to be too bad in the morning.

This time it was George who smashed his lips against mines, teeth clashing and tongues going in each other's mouths. The situation was escalating quick; a tad too quick, I daresay.

He cursed and mumbled something about too many clothes, proceeding to pull his shirt over his head with my help, given that he could only do so much with that amount of alcohol in his sistem.

I could do even less, though. It was proven when I first attempted to get rid of my blouse.

I struggled to unbutton it, an awkward, dizzy silence falling among us before his hands travelled to mines "Wait... Lemme..." He frowned, finding that simple task as frustratingly difficult as I did. "Bloody..." A browned off grunt left his swollen lips.

"Tear it." I mumbled, letting my hands roam over his chest.

"You sure?"

I hummed, somehow impatient. "We'll fix it tomorrow." I captured his lips once more.

We'd fix it tomorrow.

I felt his hands fisting my shirt by the cleavage before giving it a firm tug, making my gasp; I wasn't expecting all the buttons to come off in one go, given his drunken state.

I didn't even have time to discard the piece of clothing before his lips attacked my neck, shutting my brain off instantly due to the sensation.

"You want this?" He whispered in my ear, his hands going up from my thighs to my back until they reached the clasp of my bra.

Not trusting my voice, I nodded vigorously, making the world shake around me so hard that I had to shut my eyes.

I felt a feather kiss on my shoulder and his fingers unfastening the bra; he was doing his best to be smooth, which wasn't a lot, but I could tell he was trying hard.

"You're so sweet." I blurted out as his fingertips ghosted over my skin while he removed the top from my body.

He tried to reply something, but articulating kept getting harder and harder as we went deeper into it, so he gave up on words and so did I; at least until his fingers slid between my legs and started to tease me through the fabric of my remaining clothes.

"Bed." I whimpered, unconsciously rocking my hips against George's hand whilst my own travelled to his crotch, feeling his erection and consequently earning a moan from him.

"D'you think we'll make it?" He inquired, already retreating his hand briefly so we could stand up.

Soon enough we were stumbling to my room, hands all over each other, bumping against the furniture and walls due to not being able to stand upright.

When we fell on the bed and tossed the rest of our clothes to the floor, it began to dawn on me how bad this was going to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

My head was pounding violently in my skull; that's most likely the reason why I woke up. It took a moment for the blurry memories of the previous night to flash into my mind.

"You feel... so good..."

"Fuck- George— faster, please..."

"Y/n— I'm-"

"No." I shoot up, not acknowledging that Y/n was still asleep by my side. "Fuck no. Nononono." I ignored the terrible headache caused by the hungover and, grabbing my clothes, I exited the room. "No fucking way." I kept mumbling to myself, stalking to my dorm to throw on some fresh clothes.

I sat on my bed, my hands running through my locks, bringing back the memories of Y/n's tugs on them in the process.

"What the fuck did I do." I almost choked on the sentence.

[thebookreader12345]

Right the Wrongs

Pairing: Natalie Manning x Best Friend! reader

Summary: Y/N and Natalie have been best friends for years, so when Natalie is in an accident with Will, and something seems off with Phillip, Y/N does everything in her power to fix the present

Requested: Yes, by anonymous

Warnings: slight swearing, mentions of a car accident, blood, and injuries

Word Count: 1,355 Words

Note: Takes place during Chicago Med Season 5 Episode 1, Never Going Back to Normal

"Hey, Y/N," my best friend Natalie greeted me. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Uh, can it wait? I'm working a double shift tonight so I want to get all of this stuff done. And I'm kind of busy at the moment," I say and hold up a chart. I turned towards Natalie to get her response, but when I saw her face, my heart dropped. "You know what? This can wait. What's up?"

"I might be having a mid life crisis," Natalie told me. "And I'm not really sure what to do."

"All right, well, on a scale of 1-5, how major is the crisis?" I question.

"I think I'm still in love with Will," Natalie confessed.

"Um, Doris, could you go ahead and get the patient in Treatment 1 started on prednisone?" I ask. Doris nodded, and I quickly thanked her before leading Natalie to the empty doctors' lounge. "Okay, you're gonna have to start from the beginning. What do you mean you think you're still in love with Will?"

Natalie shrugged. "I don't know. Don't get me wrong, Phillip is nice and all, but I just recently discovered that Will didn't want to go back into Witness Protection because of me. And yeah, the two of us have had sort of a rocky past, but the time I spent with him... I can't imagine being with anyone else."

"Okay, this is definitely a level 5 crisis," I declare. "What are you gonna do?"

"What do you think I should do?" Natalie countered. I took a seat on the couch and pat the spot next to me, and Natalie sat down. For a second, I didn't say a word because, well, I didn't really know what to say. Finally though, I spoke up.

"Lets make a pros and cons list," I suggest. "So Phillip, for the pros, he's really sweet and handsome, and he cares a lot for his sick daughter. Cons, his wife did just die, and maybe his feelings for you aren't actually real. You did try to help save his dying wife, and you've been working tirelessly to save his daughter, so this could be a case of transference."

Natalie nodded. "Okay. Now what about Will?"

"Well, the obvious pro is that he's really dedicated, especially with his patients. And he's an overall amazing guy. Plus, he's good-looking and has really nice hair," I add, to which Natalie laughed. "Then there are the cons. He's reckless and stubborn and doesn't always tell the truth."

Natalie sighed and leaned back against the couch, rubbing a hand over her face. "So what are you trying to say? You think I should stay with Phillip?"

"Quite the opposite, actually," I admit. "Sure, Phillip's a great guy, but you and Will have a deep history. And everyone in this ED, hell, the whole hospital, knows how much you care for each other. I say you go for Will. But at the end of the day, it's your decision."

"No, I uh, I think you're right. I need to go find Will," Natalie spoke and stood up. "Have you seem him?"

"Well, shift's just ending, and considering his jacket isn't in his locker and neither are his other things, he's heading to his car," I state.

"Well then, I better hurry to catch up with him. Thank you, Y/N," Natalie murmured and hugged me before exiting the lounge.

................................................

"Oh my god! What the hell happened?" I quiz as Will carried Natalie into the ED. Half of Will's face was covered in blood, and Natalie looked like she had a nasty head wound which was leaking a lot of blood.

"Natalie was thrown from the vehicle," Will explained and placed Natalie down onto a bed.

"Crockett!" I shout to get the doctor's attention. "I need some help in here!"

"I'm here," Crockett breathed out and slipped on some gloves. "What have we got?"

"Blunt head trauma and loss of consciousness," Will disclosed.

"I'm putting a collar on her," I announce.

Crockett nodded. "Start an IV and get her on the monitors and a nasal airway."

"Don't forget a chest X-ray," I add as the two of us worked together.

"Elsa, take Will here to Trauma 2," Crockett instructed.

"No. I'm staying with Natalie," Will argued.

"You're a mess, Will, come on," Crockett requested.

"I'm staying!" Will insisted.

"Will, you need to get looked at, and standing there is not going to help Natalie. I will find you when we have an update," I tell him. Will hesitated, but nodded and allowed Elsa to bring him into the next room.

A Few Hours Later...

I was standing at the nurses' station in the ICU doing some charts, but it was getting hard to keep my eyes open. Usually I could get through a double shift with almost no problem, but today, between Natalie's injury and the huge caseload I had, I was tired out. However, an argument from one of the patient rooms woke me up a bit. I rushed towards where the shouting came from and realized that it was coming from Natalie's room, where Will and Phillip were quarrelling. Crockett appeared behind me, but he allowed me to take the lead.

"Hey! You two can't be here. Natalie needs her rest, and we're only allowing family to visit right now. So both of you need to leave," I declare.

"Natalie and I are engaged," Phillip claimed. "So that would make me her family."

"What? Natalie never mentioned you proposing," I retort.

Phillip nodded towards Natalie's unconscious body. "See for yourself." I glanced over at Natalie's hand, and there, sitting on her finger, was an engagement ring.

"Crockett, could you take Will outside?" I ask.

"Sure thing," Crockett replied and led Will out of the room. As they left, I turned to Phillip and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What?" Phillip questioned.

"I didn't see that ring on her finger when she came into the ED, and I definitely would've noticed it. And if it was there, we would have removed it," I share.

Phillip scoffed. "Is this really any of your business?"

"As her doctor and her best friend, yeah, it is," I answer and glance at Phillip one more time before leaving the room. A few hours later, Natalie was finally awake, and as soon as Phillip was nowhere to be found, I entered her room.

"Hey, Nat," I greet her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Natalie responded. "But uh, Dr. Marcel, he told me Phillip and I were engaged. I don't-I can't remember him proposing."

"Because I don't think he did," I exclaim. "Natalie, before your accident, you told me that you wanted to be with Will. Do you remember that?"

Natalie thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah. I remember that. You have to help me, Y/n. I need to talk to Will, but if Phillip sees..."

"Don't worry. I've got you," I assure her. "Phillip just went to the cafeteria to eat lunch, so he should be gone for at least 15 minutes. I'll get Will in here so that you guys can talk."

"Thank you," Natalie mumbled. I gave her a small smile and left the room, paging Will to my location. A minute or two later, Will appeared by the nurses' station.

"Hey. I got your page. What's up?" Will quizzed.

"Natalie is awake," I tell him. "But before you go in there, there's something you need to know. Right before the accident, Natalie and I were talking, and she told me that she wanted to get back together with you. Phillip lied about the engagement. He put that ring on her finger when she was unconscious. So just go in there and make everything right. Natalie is my best friend, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to make her happy."

"All right. Thank you, Y/n," Will spoke. "For everything."

I smiled. "No problem. Now, go in there and get Natalie back. It's about time the two of you got back together."

-----------------------------------

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld​ @caitsymichelle13​ @king-crockett @winterberryfox @anotherfan07​ @i-like-sparkly-things​

[tales-unique]

FAULTS OF THE HEART IV

Chapter 4

“It’s healing nicely,” Alucard hums, nimble fingers gently tracing the puckered scar on your shoulder, looking for any problematic signs. “I still get some stiffness in it,” you acknowledge with a small laugh, “but at least I can use my arm again!” It's been a long, tiring road to recovery, but you have finally completed it. Your arm is no longer useless, wrapped up in bandages. Now it’s almost as good as before. You can even use a bow, which means that you are now ready to leave the castle, and Alucard, behind.

A frown darkens your expression at the thought; you’ve become quite fond of him in the time you’ve been there and he seems to have warmed to you too. “Is something wrong?” Alucard’s voice is gentle, his brow furrowed. He’s pulled back his hand, probably assuming that he’s the source of your souring mood. “Oh,” you force a smile, waving your hand dismissively, “no, not really. It’s fine.” Alucard sees through the flimsy lie easily and embarrassment colours your cheeks a dusty pink when he fixes you with a deadpan stare. You tug your sleeve back into place, looking away from him. You press back against the counter top you’re leaning against, distracting yourself by staring at a cracked tile on the wall. Soft afternoon light filters through the kitchen window, painting him in beautiful golden light; it does nothing to help you in that moment. “You know that doesn’t work on me,” he chides, circling around to face you. He’s grown bolder around you as of late, challenging you more often, and though it forces you to confront your emotions you rather like this side of him. He’s healing just as much as you are and you feel content knowing that you’re a part of that process. Rolling your eyes at his remark you cross your arms sulkily over your chest, eyes turning to stare at the floor in one last ditch attempt to make him drop it. It could really use a scrub, you think. It only delays the inevitable as he stands unmoved, shifting in his stance to lean against the counter too. He’s in it for the long haul, so you have no choice but to give in. “What’s wrong?” He asks again when you look at him miserably. “Now that my shoulder is better, there’s no real reason for me to be here anymore,” you murmur wistfully. You knew it would come to this eventually, yet you never seemed to make peace with it. You thought you had, but it turned out to be nothing more than a silly facade to try and hide the fact you didn’t want to leave. Alucard is silent, but the look of shock on his face speaks volumes. He hadn’t even considered the idea that you would leave. Like you, he had fallen into the routine of navigating around you and your ways, as if you had always been there at the castle. It’s just so easy and even when he had tried to fight it he found himself becoming even more compelled by you. “I suppose so,” he answers finally, crestfallen. A lump forms in your throat when you look at him, seeing how dejected he appears. “I’m sorry.” It’s pitiful, but you don’t know what else to say. To impose yourself further on him and his hospitality after he had already saved your life just seemed selfish and yet it felt as equally unkind to simply abandon him. He chuckles, a sad, sardonic sound beneath its silken lilt. “There’s no need to be,” he states, oddly cold despite the softness of his voice, “after all, there’s no reason for you to stay anymore is there?” It hurts. You don’t want it to and you know that you have no right to be but it penetrates deep, twisting and taking root inside. “No,” your whisper, scared your voice will break, “I guess not.” Confused, Alucard regards your drop in mood. He had anticipated that you would be happy to finally be able to continue on with your life, no longer bound to him or the castle for care of your injury. Yet here you stand, trying so hard to keep yourself from breaking. Your eyes glisten and you catch your lip between your teeth; all telltale signs. Alucard realizes with alarming clarity that he’s upset you, because you don’t want to leave. Just like he doesn’t want you to go, either. It was defensive, to lash out, and all it’s done is serve as further reasoning for you to remove yourself from his life. He’s such an idiot. “Wait,” he suddenly says and it breaks his heart, as dead as he had considered it to be, when you look at him with such a forlorn expression. You aren’t sure what to expect but you force yourself not to hope, knowing that it could and most likely would bite you. So you’re pleasantly surprised when it’s not what you anticipated at all. “Do you,” he starts, awkwardly, voice alight with

trepidation, “not want to go?” With wide eyes you regard him, startled. Hearing it out in the open so brazenly has your mind stuttering, your body stiff. Of course it was true, but that wasn’t what had you shocked. It was the fact that, for a brief moment, you saw relief flash in his eyes. But maybe you were wrong. Or maybe he was wrong. You stare at one another in silence, neither able to break the stalemate of truths exposed. In such a relatively short time you’d both grown accustomed to each other's presence and, if you were being completely honest, you were scared to leave the safety of the castle. Out there you were just one woman, no allies, no home, nothing. It’s sobering to know that your situation hadn’t changed since the first time he had asked you about leaving, what you would do and where would you go once you were healed and you’re not quite sure you’re ready to admit how pathetic it made you feel. “No,” you swallow thickly, blinking away stubborn tears, “I don’t.” You remind him of a child, afraid. You’re trying to make yourself as small as you can, no doubt hoping that the ground would open up beneath your feet and swallow you whole. It stirs something in him, the memory of a feeling brought on by your plight; the night that his mother was burned alive and his father turned his back on humanity as a whole. The same feeling he felt when Sumi and Taka betrayed him. Lost. A sorrowful, imploring look flits across Alucard's face and his fingers itch, wanting to offer you comfort. His mother would run her fingers through his hair, murmuring soft words of encouragement to help lift his spirits. “Then you don’t have to go anywhere.” Alucard offers instead, afraid of what such tenderness may invite. Your warmth still set him on edge, but slowly and surely he was coming around to the idea of being as he once was; open and inviting without the need to guard himself. If there was anyone he could see himself opening up to again it would be you. “I have been ignorant to your situation,” he sighs, looking away in shame, “I should have known how difficult it is to pick up the pieces of one's life after they’ve been shattered, especially without help. I’m— I’m sorry.” It’s a quiet admission, shrouded in misery and mystery. He had yet to reveal much about himself, but you could fathom that he had been the receiver of much sorrow in his lifetime so far from the darkness he carried with him like a ball and chain. It tugged at your heart to see him so isolated from the very world itself, threatening to tear it apart. You quickly swipe at your eyes, trying in vain to banish the tears that broke free, warm trails lining your cheeks. “Don’t be, Alucard,” you inhale deeply, trying to ground yourself. You can’t stand the sudden look of guilt on his face for making you cry. “I should have told you about how I felt,” your voice trembles and you scowl at yourself, feeling silly, “I should have been honest instead of hiding it away like an idiot.” Crossing your arms tightly over your chest you try to focus on something else, though it’s hard when all you can see blurs with your tears. You angrily wipe at them, frustrated, until your hands are gently taken away by his, the grasp warm and comforting. “I don’t think you’re an idiot,” he murmurs, looking over your face with a gentle expression. Your mouth is slightly parted with shock and your eyes, rimmed red and shimmering, are wide and locked onto him. “I think you’re so very human.” The tenderness in which the words are said, and the endearing meaning behind them, sends your heart soaring and you can’t help the smile that comes to your lips. A soft, breathless laugh passes your lips with ease, the tension leaving your shoulders. Your tears start anew and for a moment Alucard thinks he’s done something wrong, but from the way your laughter mingles with your shaky breaths he knows that isn’t the case. He, too, smiles at the warmth seeping back into you, the dark melancholy that had hung over you like a veil lifting and he lets go of your hands slowly. Neither of you comment on the way

you long for the contact to return; the simple, fragile bond inspiring a sense of yearning. “Are you alright?” He asks once you seem to have regained control of yourself, your tears having stopped and your gentle peels of laughter melting away. “I am,” you hum, looking at him with an intense fondness that he had seldom seen before. You are so bright in that moment, all because he has given you a place to belong, and it gives him hope. If only his father could have had such a chance, perhaps things may have turned out differently for him.

[after-avenging-hours]

Out of Time [Epilogue]: Steve x Reader

Series Masterlist

Summary:  After Steve gets injected with a mysterious substance during a mission gone wrong, you come to find out that the only thing that can save his life is a pure sample of Dr. Erskine’s Super Soldier Serum. Unwilling to let the love of your life die without a fighting chance, you travel through the quantum realm back to 1943. Equipped with little more than your knowledge of past events, you have to figure out just how exactly you’re going to get your hands on that serum. Not only that, but with the infinity stones no longer protecting the reality you’ve come from, there is now a chance that your presence in the past can change the future you’ll return to. Can you succeed without messing things up? And if things go wrong, can you fix it before it’s too late? Or will you run out of time…

Word Count: 4614

Warnings: You might die from cuteness

When you land back in the future, your entire body is shaking. You have just enough strength to hit the button on the time watch to dissolve your quantum suit before you collapse to your knees.

“Vic!” Bucky vaults onto the platform. He kneels in front of you, taking your face into his hands. “Vic, what’s wrong?”

“Did you get the serum?” You can hear Bruce’s voice.

Your breaths come out in sputtering gasps, but you try to fight through it and nod your head. “Yes,” you choke out. “I have it.” Your hands are shaking as you reach for the internal pocket on your coat and hand it over to Bucky. “Dr. Erskine said that the components will begin to degrade the longer it’s left unused. I don’t know how much time we have left.”

Bucky takes the vial and quickly hands it off to Bruce, before returning to you. He places a comforting hand on your shoulder. “What happened?” he coaxes gently.

Tears well up in your eyes when you look back at him. “I think I messed up.”

He gently helps you to your feet and takes you to your bedroom to get cleaned up and changed into something more comfortable as you begin to divulge in full detail what exactly happened when you traveled back in time. He sits patiently on the corner of your bed as you pace up and down the room. You talk until your voice is raw and then you keep going.

“But then he threatened to drop the vial if I didn’t tell him who I worked for! I didn’t know what else to do, so I told him the truth…”

“And he believed you,” Bucky surmises, already putting the pieces together.

“He did,” you confirm, going a little soft as you recall his reasoning for believing you. “But Bucky…” you begin to shake your head fervently. “I broke every rule! I changed everything! None of that was supposed to happen!” You gesture wildly off to the side in a vague attempt at pointing toward the past. “And now, it’s too late to fix any of it,” you say brokenly.

Bucky releases a long breath, his mind spinning after everything you’ve just revealed. “Look, I’m not the science expert here and my only experience with time travel is getting shoved into an icebox every few years,” his lame attempt at a joke makes you scoff at best. “But I’m pretty sure that if anything got changed from this, you would be the only one that knows any different. So, let’s start small.”

You tilt your head as you look back at him, not understanding where he’s going with this.

“Look around your room. Is anything different here?” he asks.

As soon as you realize what he’s getting at, you start to walk around the room. Everything is exactly as you had left it. There’s a picture frame on the nightstand on your side of the bed. You’re tucked under Steve’s arm and smiling brightly at the camera. You remember that the photo was taken during one of Tony’s parties. Steve is wearing that tight blue button-up shirt that always drives you crazy and you’re decked out in a pretty red dress. Not even ten minutes after this photo was taken, you and Steve had snuck off for a quickie in the bathroom, because you just couldn’t handle how sexy he was in that damn shirt.

You smile fondly at the picture and move around the rest of the room. The books on your bookshelf are all the same. Half of them are yours, half are Steve’s. The closet is still divided between both of your things, but it’s all the same outfits you’ve seen hundreds of times. The bathroom still has both of your toothbrushes in the cup by the sink. A few different makeup products are scattered over the counter from when you’d been trying to figure out what you were going to take with you to 1943.

You make your way back over to Bucky, shaking your head and shrugging your shoulders. “It’s all the same.”

“Okay,” Bucky nods. “And I assume that I’m not any different, right?” He asks. “Now be careful with what you say, because if you tell me I didn’t have to lose my arm, I may just pull this one off and throw it at you,” he jokes again, pointing to his metal arm.

That one manages to successfully pull a laugh out of you, even if it’s a small one. “No, you’re the same. Metal arm included.”

“Alright…” Bucky grunts quietly as he pushes off the bed to stand up. “Then let’s widen our scope. While we’re at it, let’s head to the kitchen and get some food in you.”

You’re not very hungry, but you know that Bucky is just trying to take care of you in Steve’s absence, so you don’t argue. The two of you leave the living quarters and head for the shared kitchen. It’s strange being back. Not only because of the abundance of technology, that you had seriously taken for granted, but also because that feeling of uselessness was beginning to sink back in.

You’d completed your part. You got the serum. Now all that’s left is to wait and see if it paid off. You’re of no use at this point and that is really starting to weigh on you. “Bucky… what if it doesn’t work?” you ask, your voice sounding hollow.

“Don’t say that, Vic. Don’t even think it,” he responds swiftly. “You busted your ass to get us that serum. It’s going to work.”

You have to bite your lip to keep it from trembling, your eyes are already so raw from how much you’ve been crying that it physically hurts to tear up. “How can you be so sure?”

His gaze softens when he looks back at you. “You said it perfectly yourself. I have faith.”

--

Bucky was lucky enough to get some food in you but was wholly unsuccessful in getting you to rest. So here you are, 24 hours after arriving back from the past and you’re sitting at Steve’s bedside, desperately scrolling through a tablet reading through as many historical events as you can from the last century, trying to figure out what’s changed. So far, you’ve come up empty.

Bruce showed up at about 3 in the morning to tell you they had a breakthrough with the serum and had been able to synthesize a cure. He had even reached out to Shuri in Wakanda to have her double-check their work before preparing the antidote to administer into Steve’s IV. You gave her a quick phone call to let her know how grateful you were for her help and to tell her how handy her healing gel had been during your travels. When you asked how you could ever repay her, she’d laughed and told you to take her to Disneyland, because T’Challa still refused to take her himself. That made you crack a smile and you quickly agreed to get a trip planned.

Everyone else had, for the most part, left you alone to be with Steve. You are completely exhausted, both physically and mentally, but you can’t seem to let your mind rest. You can’t help but feel in your gut that your presence in the past had to have changed something. You just can’t for the life of you figure out what.

“Vic?”

The rough voice has your head snapping up so fast, you get whiplash. “Steve!” You quickly place the tablet down and scramble to your feet.

He blinks heavily, and he looks groggy as all hell, but he’s definitely awake.

“Oh, you big idiot. You scared the shit out of me!” You’re already crying again, just from the relief of seeing him awake.

“Sorry,” he grimaces. “What happened?”

“Those Hydra scientists injected you with some type of anti-serum poison. It almost killed you.”

“Would explain why I feel like shit…” he mumbles.

You scoff out a wet laugh. Reaching up, you push his bangs off his forehead then curl your fingers down his temple and over his smooth cheek. “Jerk,” you tell him affectionately.

His lips tilt into a half-grin before immediately falling into a frown. He grips your arm to stop you from pulling it back. “Vic, what is this?” he questions, looking at the bruise around your wrist. Figures he would notice that in mere seconds of being awake. You hadn’t even gotten a chance to have anyone else look at it yet.

“Oh, it’s nothing…” you try to brush it off and take your arm back, but his grip is surprisingly firm for someone that had literally been just steps away from death. Damn Super Soldier.

“It’s not nothing,” he insists. “That’s a handprint! Vic, who did-” he cuts himself off, gaze flickering down to where his fingers are wrapped around the middle of your arm and then back up to the bruise. Slowly, almost hesitantly, his hand travels up the length of your arm until he’s circling your wrist. He’s gentle and doesn’t press on the bruise at all, just hovers over it enough to see the exact match. “I did this,” he states upon the realization. His brows then furrow in confusion. “Why don’t I remember…?” He inhales sharply, his grip going slack, causing his hand to drop into his lap. In the next moment, his head whips around you meet your startled gaze. “You went back!” he exclaims.

“What-” your jaw drops as you stare back at him, wide-eyed. Your heart begins to pound in your chest. “How…”

“Vic, honey, this is serious. Did you go back to 1943?” Steve questions insistently. He looks just about ready to jump out of the hospital bed if you don’t answer immediately.

You release a shaky breath. “How did you know that?” you question, your mind racing to come up with an explanation for whatever seems to be happening here. You jolt when the medical equipment hooked up to Steve starts beeping because of his elevated heart rate. He pulls the heart monitor clip off of his finger and tries to push himself into an upright position. “Whoa, Steve!” you place your hands on his chest to make him lie back again. “Hon, you need to take it easy. Your body is still trying to fight off the poison and you haven’t received the full dose of the antidote, yet.” You hit the button on the side of the bed to lift him up into a seated position.

“Vic, where’s my suit?” he asks urgently.

“Your suit?” you question, not understanding why he’s asking about it. “It’s right here,” you point to where it’s neatly folded on a table behind you. He’d been stripped out of it so they could work on him, but you hadn’t had the time or mental capacity to put it away, yet.

“Look under the chest plate, on the inside of the suit,” he instructs. “There’s a hidden pocket on the left.”

You give him a perplexed look before slowly turning to move toward the table. You slip your hand under the collar of his uniform and feel around under the chest plate. Sure enough, your fingers brush against the small pull tab of an invisible zipper. Pinching it between two fingers, you open the pocket and try to feel for what could be inside. Your fingers brush against some kind of paper. The beat of your heart fills your ears as you slowly pull the paper out and carefully unfold it.

“Oh my god…” all the air rushes out of your lungs at once.

It’s you. Drawn out in charcoal. Asleep on the cot in the barracks at Camp Lehigh. The drawing is unmistakable. You just saw it yesterday morning, so you can recognize it instantly. But the version you hold now is faded and smudged. The paper is soft and worn, the edges have turned yellow. The one you hold now didn’t come through the quantum realm. This one passed through the passage of time one single day at a time.

“You said I should carry you in my heart,” Steve’s words pierce straight through your scattered thoughts, making you gasp. “So, I did.”

Your hands begin to shake. You quickly set down the sketch, afraid that you might damage the delicate paper. “I…” you huff, your mind racing faster than you have the strength to comprehend. “I don’t understand.” Your breath hitches and you cup your hands over your mouth.

“Vic,” Steve calls for you gently.

When you turn to face him, he’s got his hand stretched out, beckoning you closer. You feel dizzy as you walk on unsteady legs over to him, taking his hand and letting him pull you closer until you’re sitting on the side of his bed. “Steve… I don’t- What does this mean?”

He gives you a small smile, squeezing your hand gently for comfort. “You just spent the last two weeks in 1943, right?” You swallow thickly and nod your head. “Vic… those two weeks happened 80 years ago for me.”

You choke on your next breath when his words confirm what your brain is trying to grasp at. “So, that means that I did mess up the timeline, then. Oh, God. Bruce warned me that-”

“Honey, you didn’t mess up anything,” Steve cuts you off, using a soothing tone. 

“But…”

He runs his fingers over your hand, tracing out the lines on your palm in a calming gesture. “Do you remember when you were trying to figure out my Ma’s potato soup recipe?” he asks. “You would get so sad whenever it didn’t turn out quite right.”

You release a shaky breath watching how his fingers trace over your palm again and again. “I almost gave up.”

“I know. But then I begged you to try again. Just one more time. I told you that I knew you would get it right and what happened next?” he prompts.

You huff out a laugh at the memory, “The next one was perfect.”

Steve nods in confirmation. “I knew you would get the recipe right because you’d already made it for me once…” He stops the ministration of his fingers on your hand and waits for your gaze to lift to his. “In 1943,” he finishes.

You hold his gaze and let that sink in. “So… These last two weeks… That was always supposed to happen?”

“Yes,” he confirms with a breath.

“But…” you shake your head trying to wrap your head around this new concept. “You never said anything… Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

He fixes you with a sad look, “For the same reason you were terrified to tell me the truth,” He explains. “I wanted to tell you. In fact, there were several times when I almost did. But I was scared that if I told you before it had a chance to happen, then it wouldn’t happen at all.” He’s gone back to fiddling with your hand, now that he’s the one that needs comfort from the contact. “Vic, look at me,” he implores. “Why do I make you dance with me whenever Taking a Chance on Love comes on?”

He’s never given you a reason before, which means there’s only one answer. “Because I made you dance with me to it in your apartment,” you answer.

He smiles. “Why do I always ask to make sure you’ve checked the expiration date on your emergency inhaler?”

Your breath catches in your throat. “Because I had to give it to you during your asthma attack.”

“Why do I kiss you on your stomach and on your back where you now have a set of scars underneath that t-shirt?”

Your press your free hand to the side of your stomach absentmindedly. “Because you helped me patch up the gunshot wound.”

“See?” he asks. “You didn’t change the timeline, Vic. You completed it.”

The words have no sooner left his mouth before you’re promptly bursting into tears. However, these tears aren’t coming from a place of sadness or fear, they instead stem from pure relief. You crumple forward against his chest, openly sobbing as he wraps an arm around you. “I was so scared that I had messed things up!”

“I know, Honey. But it’s okay. Everything’s okay.” He places a kiss to the top of your head and rubs soothingly at your back. He holds you close as you cry out the last of the stress and tension out of your body.

When you’re no longer racked with sob you push yourself off of him and rise off the bed. You grab a few tissues from the side table to blow your nose and dry your eyes before tossing them into the trash. You release a long sigh, feeling the last of the tension leave you. This, however, allows pure exhaustion to settle over you in its place.

“Vic, I mean this in the most loving way, but you look like crap.”

You release a dry scoff, shooting Steve with a light glare. “Gee, thanks.”

He looks back with concern. “When was the last time you slept?”

Your gaze softens up. “In 1943,” you tell him honestly.

“Come here,” he lifts his arm in invitation.

“Steve, you’re still recovering,” you protest.

“I’ll recover a whole lot faster if you don’t make me get up and come after you.”

You huff out a laugh, but relent and move back toward the bed. “Stubborn jerk,” you mumble. You kick off your shoes and raise the thin blanket covering his legs to tuck yourself in close next to him. You lay on your side, with your head on his chest and a leg thrown over his. You shift around a bit until you find the most comfortable spot. “You were easier to spoon when you were smaller.”

Steve releases a low chuckle, settling his arm over your shoulders and resting his hand at your back. “At least you never called my penis adorable when I was this size.”

“Oh my God,” you grumble. “I never said that, but I can certainly start!”

He snickers when you slap his chest. His hand slips beneath the hem of your shirt and crawls back up until his fingers touch the scar on your back. He releases a low hum. “As soon as I get out of this hospital bed, we’re having crazy hot reunion sex.”

You snort in amusement. “I’m sorry, we’re having what?”

“Hey, you got some like two days ago, but I haven’t had sex in like a month,” he protests.

“Are you seriously jealous of yourself?” you ask dubiously.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he admits, continuing to run his fingers over your scar. “Usually whenever I missed you enough to make my chest ache. It happened a lot when you first left, but it would also creep up on me whenever things got slow on the war front. It always made me think about how there was a version of myself somewhere out there in another time that got to spend every night wrapped up in your arms. A version of me that got to touch you whenever he wanted. Kiss you whenever he pleased. It killed me not knowing when or if I’d ever see you again.”

You rub your cheek against his chest and listen to him talk. “When I was in the Valkyrie while it was going down and had to decide what to do… You were my first thought. If I crashed the plane and died, then I’d never get to see you again. And that thought scared me more than anything else. But then I remembered what you told me the day you left.  Don’t make your choices based on what you think will bring you back to me. Make the choice because you know it’s the right thing to do. And I knew at that moment that this was exactly what you had been talking about. So… I grabbed onto my faith and plunged into the ice.

“When I woke up in 2012… I was terrified that I had overshot the timeline and missed my opportunity to be with you. Then the battle of New York happened and suddenly I had bigger problems to deal with. When I got assigned to the DC SHIELD office, as soon as I got my credentials, you were the first thing I looked up. Imagine my surprise when I found out you’d actually been in New York with me.”

“Like two ships passing in the night,” you comment, watching your fingers draw random patterns against his chest. “I was re-assigned to the LA office after New York.”

“I know. I purchased a plane ticket to California.”

Your heart skips a beat at his admission. “What?”

“Yeah. I flew out there to find you. When I got to the SHIELD base, the director made a big deal about my arrival and wanted to give me a grand tour of the facility. You were training when I first saw you.” You shift up onto your elbow, so you can look down and meet his gaze, eager to hear what he’ll say next. “You were with a guy. Sparring. I could tell you both were pretty friendly with each other. The way you fought was more teasing than actual combat training and whenever he pinned you to the mat, you would laugh. From where I was standing, it looked like you were flirting.”

You rack your brain, trying to figure out who he could be talking about. “Was that my old partner?” you question. “The one that was already married?”

Steve purses his lips and scrunches his nose. “And gay… It would take me a few years before figuring that one out.”

“Ugh, Steve!” you groan and flop back down onto his chest. To think you could have been with him even earlier if he hadn’t jumped to conclusions.

“I know,” he agrees with a sigh. “I really shot myself in the foot with that one. But you’d also been younger than I remembered you, so I was pretty sure I hadn’t missed our chance. I flew back to DC and then waited for you to come to me.”

“How the hell did you manage to keep all of this a secret? You suck at lying.” You ask in disbelief.

That gets a laugh out of him. “I honestly have no idea, but I am so glad that I can talk about it with you now.”

“Well, then I guess while we’re on the subject of clearing the air, I also have a confession to make.” Steve looks at you curiously. “I kind of had a ‘klepto’ moment,” you admit.

His brows pull together, “What does that mean?”

You bite your bottom lip and grimace, “I took something that doesn’t belong to me and brought it back through the quantum realm.”

He raises a brow, unsure if he should be amused or disapproving of your actions. “What did you take?”

Pushing yourself back up, you crawl halfway over his body and stretch an arm out to the wheeling table by his bed where all of your friends have put flowers and little trinkets to express their well wishes. Steve grabs onto your hips to make sure you don’t fall out of the bed as you drag the table a little closer. Plucking an object off the table, you settle back against Steve’s side and hand it to him.

“Vic…” even with just the one syllable, you can hear him choking up.

“Our last morning at the camp, you left to take a shower and your suitcase was just sitting there. Open. I saw where you had tucked it, and I don’t really know why, but I took it. I knew that when you woke up in 2012, anything that hadn’t been with you on that plane had been lost forever. I just… I wanted you to have them back.”

He stares down at the picture frame for a long time, unblinking.

“Are you mad…?” you ask hesitantly.

He finally blinks and a single tear travels down his cheek. “I never thought I’d see this again,” he says quietly. As you reach to wipe away his tear, his gaze lifts to yours. “Thank you,” he tells you, his voice filled with so much love you can feel it.

You smile tenderly back, rubbing your thumb gently against his cheek. “They would have been so proud of you.”

He swallows thickly and you have to wipe another tear from his cheek. “My Ma would have loved you.”

You lean your head down to rest your forehead against his. He takes a moment to process through his emotions before tilting his face forward to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. You release a content hum and fall into the kiss. This kiss feels a little different somehow. It’s pure and clarifying. It wipes away all the pain and stress you’ve felt over the last two weeks. It mends the cracks in your heart that formed when you had to leave him in 1943. You made it back. The serum worked. He’s alive and speeding down the road to recovery.

When you pull back, you’re crying again, because your heart is just so full that there’s nowhere left for your emotions to go. “I love you,” you whisper wetly against his lips.

He looks back and gives you the sweetest smile, “I love you too, Vic.” You help him put the picture of his parents back on the side table before settling against his side once again. “Okay, reunion sex first, but then we’re getting married like immediately after,” he comments.

You grin wide and release a laugh at his words. “Do I get a say in any of this?”

His arm tightens where it’s wrapped around your waist. “Only if you plan on saying yes.”

“Normally you’re supposed to ask these kinds of things,” you tease. As if there was any other option.

“I am way past the point of asking,” he huffs. “Would have done it years ago, if someone hadn’t told me in 1943 that we weren’t married yet!”

“What was I supposed to say?!” You ask, wanting to laugh again. You can’t believe that this is your first argument after coming back.

“You were supposed to say that I married the shit out of you the second I saw you again! Maybe then, I would have tossed you over my shoulder and taken you for myself in California.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” you giggle at his pouting face.

“Say you’ll marry me, or things are about to get a whole lot more ridiculous. I will toss you over my shoulder and go right now,” he threatens, but the twitch at the corner of his mouth is giving him away. 

“Yes, you stubborn idiot. I will let you marry the shit out of me.”

He shoots you a smug grin before his laughter starts to break through. “What happened to stubborn jerk?”

“You’ve been promoted for suggesting we should get married while you’re still hooked into an IV bag and I haven’t slept in 80 years.”

He looks over his shoulder up at the IV that’s still slowly administering fluids and the antidote into his system. “I can bring the IV stand with us and you can nap on the way. It’ll be great.”

You laugh at the goofy grin plastered across his mouth. “Good luck with that.”

If possible, his grin widens even further. “I don’t need luck. All I need is my Victory.”

-

The End

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.5 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N invites Josh over to work on a project while Peter goes back to his Spiderman duties which sends Y/N into a spiral.

Word Count: 4.6k

Author’s Note: WOWIE I really stayed up all night to finish this ha. Anyway! This gives more backstory about Y/N and what happened with her biological parents and ughhhh things are moving yall! Also leave comments if it’s good and if it’s bad also leave comments 🥰

Warnings: Mention of blood, death, panic attack, ANGST 

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || 

part seven || part eight || epilogue 

Even though the Avengers Complex was your home, it was much more than a place where you crashed after school. You had to keep in mind that to any normal person, the idea of seeing alien technology in use or friends from galaxies away wasn’t an average Thursday. 

You never thought any of this was particularly strange until now as you got the text from Josh that he was parked in the back lot of the building like you had told him to. 

Since you and Josh were partners for anatomy, you thought it would be obvious that you would be staying at his house to work on your project but your dad had other ideas. 

The sheer thought of you going to a boy’s house to “study” was absurd, especially since Josh’s parents were always out of town for business. You never thought your dad would ever let any of your friends into the complex, especially a boy but in the name of science, it wasn’t too hard to convince him. 

You quietly opened the side door as Josh slid in behind you and let out a low whistle. 

“ Not too shabby Stark, although I gotta say, the lawn is looking a bit wild,” Josh smiled as he readjusted his backpack straps,” if you need me to come over to cut it, I charge $9.00 an hour.”

“ In that case, your first shift starts next week,” You teased as you led him to the main set of elevators in the building. 

You couldn’t help but feel on edge as Josh followed close behind you. You had never brought anyone over and you were scared that bringing Josh would make things turn into a big deal. You knew how protective some of the other Avengers were of you and you just prayed silently that you wouldn’t run into any of them, especially Peter. 

You weren’t sure how Peter would take it if he found out you and Josh were getting closer. 

Peter was in a fragile state and who knew what little thing could set him off. You were even more worried that Peter would find out about the party tomorrow night because it wasn’t like you could invite him along. 

The idea of mixing hormonal teenagers and alcohol was a recipe for disaster but the damage that could be made from Peter’s self-destructive state could be even bigger. 

As much as you knew how badly things could turn out with Josh in the complex, you knew you couldn’t let Peter’s actions affect what went on in your academic life and at the end of the day, Josh was just a classmate. 

Josh looked all around him, taking in everything from the colorful array of gadgets neatly built into the walls to the natural light coming from the sleek windows. 

“ I feel so out of place- am I underdressed?” Josh asked as a few lab technicians walked past giving you and Josh an odd glance,” and how do you not get lost in a place this big.” 

You pressed the elevator button and gave Josh a reassuring smile,” Trust me, they’ve seen weirder things around here. Like, way weirder things.”

When the elevator doors opened, the two of you walked in and you started pointing to the elevator buttons,” So a quick tour! We’re on the main floor which basically is used for important meetings and conferences, the second floor is for the gym and pool, the third is where some of the bedrooms are, fourth is strictly for the scientists, the fifth is the labs, and the other floors are for S.H.I.E.L.D agents. Also, the basement has all the cool gadgets I’m not allowed to play with but I’m convinced it’s just where the guys all hang out and drink.” 

“ You have an indoor pool?” 

“ That’s what caught your attention?” You laughed as Josh nodded enthusiastically.

“ Well yeah! Do you even use it? I vaguely remember that when you were twelve, you almost drowned in 4ft water at someone’s pool party,” Josh said as you pressed the third button. 

“ It was 5ft but yes I know how to swim...my dad made me take lessons after that,” You mumbled as you remembered that experience vividly,” I tried lifeguarding last summer at that super fancy hotel near Greenwich but the training was too expensive so I just took a CPR course at the YMCA and lifeguarded there.” 

“ Did you ever have to save anyone?” Josh asked curiously as the glass elevators moved up towards your floor. 

You nodded as Josh’s mouth dropped,” Yup, I had to give CPR and everything. Lucky for them, saving lives runs in my family.” 

As the elevator doors opened up to your floor, you made sure to carefully scan the hallway before stepping out. Peter was supposed to be up in the labs all-day so that gave you enough time to work on the project with Josh while keeping Peter at a safe distance. 

As you were approaching the door to your room, the fridge door in the kitchen closed and revealed Peter with an IV pole on his left side and an apple in the other hand. 

“ Peter!” You said nervously as you took a small step in front of Josh, almost as if you were covering him up from Peter’s line of vision,” What are you doing here? I thought you were up in the labs?” 

Peter looked past you and eyed Josh up and down before holding up the fruit, walking towards the two of you,” Um, I needed something to eat- Who is he?” 

Peter was constantly feeling some type of distress whether it was chest pains or headaches but now that he clearly caught you hiding a boy from him, the pain felt off. 

You had never brought over any of your friends to the headquarters before so to Peter, this was already a red flag. Peter felt like his body was on high alert as thousands of scenarios were going through his head. 

Josh stepped forward and held his hand out for Peter to shake,” Nice to meet you, Peter, I’m Josh. Y/N and I go to Manhattan Prep together.”

Peter looked down at Josh’s hand for a moment before shaking it hard. Josh winced but played off his pain as he pulled his hand away and stuffed it back into his pockets. You could feel the one-sided tension between the two as you looked over to Peter to try to ease him but his eyes were glued to Josh. 

You cleared your throat as you turned to face Josh,“ Peter is a part of my dad’s internship program so he spends most of his time here at the complex. He’s pretty much a part of the family and he’s a really good friend, right Peter? ” 

Peter nodded as he tried to calm his nerves down, his quick glance to Josh was almost as if he was begging his body to put his guard down.  He couldn’t control his body and this was the first time the lovedust had forced him into a territorial state. 

“ No kidding, that’s awesome man. My buddy from Midtown was telling me that he knew a guy who was accepted into the Stark Internship,” Josh said as Peter stood up a little straighter. 

“ Oh really? Who?”

“ Flash Thompson, do you know him?” Josh asked as Peter looked over at you, almost as a warning. 

While Josh was trying to be civil towards Peter, Peter couldn’t help but feel the pit in his stomach sink lower and lower with the thought of Josh even associating with someone like Flash. 

“ As a matter of fact, I do know Flash,” Peter said smoothly, his speech hardly hesitating,” you sure know how to pick friends.” 

You and Josh could tell that Peter was giving a dig towards him but Josh quickly let it go as he tried to ease the situation. 

“ Well... it was nice to meet you Peter, any friend of Y/N’s is a friend of mine,” Josh said as he gave a genuine smile,” I’m sure Y/N already mentioned this to you but if you’re not busy or anything, my friend is throwing a party tomorrow and you should come out.”

Fuck. 

Peter looked at you for a moment before returning a small smile to Josh,” Thanks, I’ll think about it.” 

“ Um Josh, can you just wait in my room for a second?” You asked as Josh looked between the two of you and nodded. 

You didn’t want to be upset at Peter for feeling hostile towards Josh because you knew he really couldn’t help himself. It was eating away at you that you were the reason Peter was acting so jealous but come on, did he really have a reason to?

Once Josh closed the door behind him, you turned back to Peter and looked down at the IV that was in his arm. 

“ Is everything okay?” You asked as Peter looked down at his arm,” that looks pretty serious.”

“ Yeah… I’ve been having some problems but nothing your dad can’t fix” Peter deflected softly before looking over to your bedroom door,” so Josh...is he a friend?”

Peter knew he was walking on thin ice asking about Josh but he couldn’t bring himself to just go back in the labs and worry about the two of you all day. 

“ He’s just a friend Peter, we have a school project and we’re partners,” You reassured him as Peter felt almost relieved,” and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the party, I didn’t think you would want to go but I should’ve asked.”

Peter studied your expression for a moment before looking down at his feet. It was hard to tell if you were telling the truth, maybe you didn’t want him to come. School project or not, Peter felt threatened by Josh, even if Josh was trying his best to be as nice as possible. 

“ It’s okay, you’re right. Parties aren’t my thing anyway,” Peter shrugged as you bit the inside of your cheek.

You weren’t sure why you felt so guilty but whatever you were feeling, you hated how much it was stirring inside of you. You never wanted Peter to feel left out and you could easily tell that it was bothering him as much as it was bothering you. 

“ Maybe if you’re not busy tonight, we can watch a movie together. I checked the kitchen this morning and there’s a ton of frozen pizzas if you’re up for it?” You suggested as Peter tapped his fingers against the side of his leg. 

Peter wanted to jump at the offer, any excuse to hang out with you alone literally set Peter so close to having a cardiac arrest in the best way possible. While he was getting the hang of controlling his words around you, it felt like the more time you spent with him, the more he felt himself fall for you. 

“ I’m actually going to patrol tonight,” Peter said in a low whisper as he looked back at your bedroom door,” I haven’t been on the streets in a long time and I think I feel well enough to go.” 

“ Are you sure you’re ready? You’re literally hooked up to an IV bag Peter,” You said as Peter subtly pushed the IV pole behind him as if he could hide it. 

“ I won’t do anything crazy, I’ll be okay. I’ll only be out for a couple of hours and we can hang out when I get back,” Peter said as you hesitantly nodded. 

You understood that being a superhero meant that you couldn’t take sick days but this was an extreme circumstance. To you, Spiderman could wait but for Peter, that was a large part of his livelihood that he had put aside for too long. 

You wanted to tell him not to go, better yet, if you could hide every single one of his Spiderman suits you would. It didn’t sit right with you that with everything going on with his health that he would jeopardize it but you knew it wasn’t your call. 

“ Okay, but please text me updates so I know you’re safe. Things have been so crazy lately and I-”

“ Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll be okay,” Peter interrupted as he felt his heart grow heavy,” I promise I’ll keep you updated.”

You didn’t know why the thought of Peter going out was so scary but before you could think things over in your head, your feet stepped forward and you pulled Peter into a tight hug. You rested your chin against his shoulder as you inhaled deeply as if hugging Peter would calm down your nerves for the rest of your life. 

Without a second thought, Peter drew his arms over your body and held you close to his chest. His heart beat even faster than usual as he closed his eyes, holding you even tighter than before. 

                                                         ----------

You checked your phone for what seemed like the millionth time in the last hour as you grew more and more anxious. 

Peter had been gone for hours to go patrol while you and Josh were still working on the project. It was eating away at you that Peter wasn’t back yet and every time another minute passed without an update, you felt like you were closer to losing your mind. 

Even before Peter made contact with the lovedust, you would still secretly pray that he got home in one piece. When everyone you knew and loved had a career that put themselves in the line of danger, thoughts of not having them around anymore plagued you whenever you had a quiet moment to yourself. 

You had lost people before to freak accidents like your biological parents who had passed away when you were old enough to know how death worked. You couldn’t imagine not having Tony as your dad but some nights whenever you were filled to the brim with anxiety,  you wondered what your life would’ve been like if your parents weren’t killed during that home invasion. 

When you’ve lost people, it never gets easier, terror plagues you. The fear of someone you know getting hurt was by far scarier than anything Hollywood could recreate with CGI and yet, it was slowly looming over you. 

Superheros were literally your life and you weren’t mentally prepared that one day, something bad could happen and you could lose them forever. With Peter, you weren’t sure if it was because of how close the two of you were now but the fear of losing him was bigger than any other scenario you had crafted in your head. 

“ Is everything okay? You seem a little out of it,” Josh said as you looked away from your phone and back towards your laptop. 

“ Yeah, I’m good, my body just feels so tired. I’ve read so much medical terminology within the past couple of hours and now everything is jumbling together,” You sighed as you looked down at Josh who was sprawled out onto your bedroom floor with a textbook resting against his stomach. 

You never realized how comfortable your floor was but seeing Josh on your floor looking as effortless as ever was a shock to your system. When Josh caught your gaze, you turned back to your laptop and rested your cheek against your palm to try to cover the blush that was creeping onto your cheeks. 

As you rested your cheek against your propped up hand, you could feel your eyelids get heavier with each passing second. Josh noticed from his spot on the ground and sat upon his hands, watching you ever so intently. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed once you closed your eyes but once you felt a blanket drape across your shoulders, you stirred quietly. 

You held your breath as you waited for anything else but all you could hear was paper shuffling around. You peeked your eye out and saw Josh crouched down on your floor, carefully putting his textbooks and notes into his backpack, being careful not to wake you. 

Instead of waking up to say goodbye, you pretend to be asleep as if you were too nervous to even confront Josh this late. The papers stopped shuffling and as you tried to keep your breathing patterns even, you felt Josh’s hand rub your shoulder softly before walking out of the room. 

Once your bedroom door had closed, you hesitantly opened your eyes and gave a quick peek to make sure Josh was really gone. 

You exhaled loudly, not even aware that you were holding it in all this time. You let the blanket fall onto the chair before walking over to your large window that pointed towards where Josh had parked. 

You knew you should’ve walked him down after everything he had done for your project but the least you could do now was to make sure he left the complex in one piece. After a few minutes of patiently looking out the window, you saw Josh’s car pull out of the long driveway and headed down towards the front gate. 

Your mind instantly traveled back to Peter as you checked your phone again but this time you went back to your messages and looked at all of the unread messages you had left for him. 

5:12pm || Y/N: update me when you get to your post! 

5:29pm || Y/N: oh don’t swing and text loser!!!!

6:01pm || Y/N: you there yet? 

6:36pm || Y/N: don’t make me spam text u nerd

6:57pm || Y/N: im gonna just pretend you’re too busy to txt me back-be safe!

7:40pm || Y/N: helloooo?!?! Is everything okay

8:00pm || Y/N: i will leak your identity fool txt me back 

8:40pm || Y/N: whatever idc anymore

8:44pm || Y/N: still haven’t heard back from you, you dead? 

9:06pm || Y/N: ur freaking me out dude, any updates? 

9:33pm || Y/N: there was a fire near the museum are you okay?!?! The news said you were there 

9:35pm || Y/N: peter????

9:50pm || Y/N: call me im worried

10:02pm || Y/N: ur scaring me pls respond 

You cursed under your breath as you pressed the call button and placed it to your ear. After a few rings, Peter’s voicemail came on and you didn’t even bother to listen to it all the way. You had already left so many voicemails and at this point, there was nothing you could do but wait for him. 

You were filled with dread as you scooted back into your bed and refreshed the news pages on your phone. 

Spiderman Stops an Armed Gunman Outside Plaza

You knew that it wasn’t healthy for you to keep scrolling online but you needed to know if Peter was safe. You hated the feeling of not being kept into the loop and Peter wasn’t the type to completely ignore text messages unless that meant he was in real trouble, what could you do to help him, you don’t have any powers you’re just a teenager-

You took a deep breath in as you shut your phone off and stared up at the ceiling to clear your head. 

Peter is smart. He’s fast. He will be fine. You kept repeating it over and over again like a lullaby and with some luck, you could feel your eyelids get heavier and heavier by the second with Peter being the last thing you thought before falling into a deep sleep. 

You held your hand over your mouth to try and stop the sobs that rocked your body from underneath the bed. You could hear your dad begging, pleading to spare his wife before the sound of a gunshot went off. 

It was louder than you remembered almost as if the sky let out a roaring thunder that shook the whole house. You could hear your dad struggling with the gunman before another shot rang out, this time even louder. 

The glowing stars that were stuck to your ceiling shook off once your bedroom door had slammed opened and you prayed silently, wanting the nightmare to end. 

You did your best to be quiet as you watched his feet walk slowly to the bed, almost at a teasing pace like he knew you were underneath there. Everytime the nightmare played in your head, the attacker took on a different appearance. Sometimes it was someone you knew, other times it was just a passing face on the street. 

But everytime you had this nightmare, one thing never changed. The shoes, black sneakers with white laces and depending on how terrible the nightmare decided to be, you could spot the splatter of blood against the heels. 

You watched as the man walked behind your bed and you let out a scream as you felt his hands wrap around your ankles, pulling you roughly against the carpet. As you scratched at the attackers face, your sob got caught in the middle of your throat. 

The attacker always took a different appearance and this time, it was Peter. 

You kicked and screamed as hard as you could as he tried to pin you down, his weapon pressed into the side of your rib as you sobbed uncontrollably. You knew it was a dream and you were so used to letting it ride out or until you fell out of bed but with Peter staring at you as he dangled your life between his fingers, all you wanted to do was wake up. 

All you could do was continue to fight back through your tears as he kept saying your name, taunting you. 

“ Let go of me!”

“ Y/N! I got you!” 

“ It’s me Peter!” 

“Y/N!” 

You shot up from out of your bed, almost knocking heads with another figure as you let out a choked sob. You didn’t realize your fists were still swinging until you felt a pair of arms wrap around your body, cradling you. 

The memory of the attacker was still so vivid in your head and all you wanted to do was get away,“ Let me go!” You screamed as you struggled against their grip as they held you even tighter,” get off of me!” 

“ Y/N! Y/N! It’s me! It’s me! You’re okay!” Peter shouted as he let his grip go before cupping his hands on either side of your face,” open your eyes! Hey! It’s me, you’re okay!” 

You squirmed from his lap as you opened your eyes to see Peter in front of you, the actual Peter. As relieved as you were, you felt your chest tighten as you continued to cry and without a second thought, you leaned into Peter’s chest and buried your wet face into his t-shirt. 

Peter held you tighter as he rested one hand against the back of your head and the other was snaked around your waist. He smoothed down your hair as he made soft shushing noises to try and calm you down,” It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here, I got you.” 

You hadn’t felt so relieved to see anyone until now and as you tried to control your cries, you felt yourself slowly transitioning back into reality. You inhaled his scent as you dug your face into his neck and you never thought a smell could bring you so much peace. 

Relief wasn’t even what you were feeling, it was more than that. You couldn’t put it into words and it was heavier than the idea of weight being lifted off of your shoulders. Release. To sob into someone’s embrace where you knew you would be safe no matter what felt heavenly and with every sob you let out, you felt yourself separate from the nightmare altogether. 

Peter had to hold back his own tears as he held you and slowly rocked your body back and forth like a baby. He wasn’t sure if it was comforting you but it definitely put Peter at ease. 

Just minutes ago, he had just checked on you to see if you were still awake and once he saw that you were sleeping, he went back to his room to get ready for bed. It wasn’t until he was putting on his pajamas when the hair on his arm stood up seconds before you actually let out a scream only he could sense. 

Peter literally scrambled to your room and had his web-shooters ready because from what he could hear, he thought someone was attacking you. It wasn’t until he saw that you were having a nightmare that he quickly threw his web-shooters to the side and tried to wake you up. 

It was one thing to be in love with someone and to go through the motions as if it was a normal occasion but this was different. Seeing you so vulnerable and completely terrified utterly broke Peter in half and he knew for sure that it wasn’t all because of the lovedust. 

“ You’re safe Y/N, you’re okay.” 

“ Don’t worry I got you.” 

“ Just breathe for me, okay?” 

For what seemed like forever, Peter cradled you and whispered into your ear to let you know that you were okay and that he was there for you. He wanted you to tell him everything about the nightmare and what had triggered it but he knew that it wasn’t just an ordinary nightmare with the occasional boogeyman. 

You thought back to your nightmare one last time as you pictured a hazy Peter attacking you and it almost sent you into another panic attack. Peter could feel how tense you got and his grip loosened so he could look back at you. 

Your eyes were puffy from crying so much and your cheeks were flushed red but Peter thought you were absolutely beautiful. You weren’t sure what you wanted to say to him, there was so much to say yet so little at the same time. 

“ Thank you,” You whispered ever so softly as you craned your neck up and pressed a soft kiss against Peter’s cheek. 

You both knew that it wasn’t an ordinary thank you but for Peter, he didn’t need to analyze it any further. You closed your eyes and listened to the sound of Peter’s heartbeat that rang throughout his body. 

From pure exhaustion of crying and anxiety, you felt even more tired than before and Peter could feel you slipping back to sleep. He didn’t want to let you go, if he could, he would hold you in his arms forever if it meant keeping you safe and sound. 

Once Peter heard your soft snores, he held you for a second longer before carefully laying you back down into your bed. Like second nature, Peter pulled the covers back over your body and tucked a strand of hair that was danging in the middle of your face behind your ear. 

Peter ignored the sore feeling that was lingering in his back and forearms from holding you up and lightly dragged his fingers across his own cheek. He was way into deep now. 

@eridanuswave​ @juliet-winterson​ @akacalumtrash​ @ilovepeterparker13​

@parkerboop​ @juliebean247​ @multi-fan-lover​ @ffffan-----girlll @lukesbabylon​

@danicarosaline​ @parkeret​ @marvel4geeks​ @hollander69​ @spideyyeet​ @spn-assemble-seven​ @vibraniumdaisies​ @spaghetittiesbcimgay​ @vi-bi-bye

@lemonsnips​ @aduky​ @faithfullcompanion​ @stopthemotherfuckingmusic

@satellitespidey @foreverpark​ @marvelobsessedteenager​ @deadpoetsbackup

@zalladane​ @starcourt-s​ @parkersinfinitywar​ @stargazingcarol​ @littlesugarb​

@itsteph13​ @jennasmmith​ @liljennyx3​ @harryspet​  @todaynotseen @oh-whatabeautiful-parker​  @tiny-friggin-human @popluckbih    niiight-dreamerrrr     sovereignparker  marie-is-in-the-dark buckyboy-soldier   maia030   parkershoco wolverinesbeer   cherrysruin  sunkissdes  kiainspace  songofcosplay spideylovin write-from-the-heart  thatcrazywhovian09  eternallyvenus thollandx msrawog  idiosadeoro  imawkwardandhereweare foundwolves thequeen-oni silverwolf-sama  inspiring-bea multiversegalaxygirl  lastupidebitchette idekwho1am

silverwolf-sama  wishing-wanting  annoyinglyloudcomputer  faithful-music akacalumtrash  agusdoti   panickedbrain  serendipitous-amor  shannonthewriter-blog    darth-andy   farfromtom   xroselights  murdermornings dorbiksbitch   baby-unidorn   yes-multi-fandom-girl  multiversegalaxygirl a-disappointing-teen-author  rivas0309   vlogsquad-wannabe   spicy-embryoo  takemetoneverland420 teenage-tragedy  roxybefab   hopebaker  timeless-crow  marvel4geeks  desteweirdo  panicattheeverywherekid  miragee3  cjphoenix135 liawhite03 zeusmyster boinkybarnesleftarm aunicornmademedoitActionsMinimizeClose tomshufflepuff    

[hualianff]

More Than This III 《II》

“Hello? No, I’m not home- No, I don’t intend to return-“ HC speaks, irritation evident in his tone. “Fucking now? Why?”

XL silently slips off the bed and reaches for his discarded shirt. But after looking at the large size and fancy design, he realizes it’s one of HC’s that must have been mixed up in XL’s wash.

XL pulls it back on.

A few harshly-worded responses later, HC hangs up without a goodbye, slamming his phone face down on the nightstand. He turns to see XL has moved off the bed, standing fully clothed.

“Xie Lian...” HC says quietly as he swings his legs to the side of the small bed, standing on the floor.

“I-if you n-need to g-go, it’s- it’s fine,” XL struggles to say, crossing his arms over his middle. He can’t bear to look at HC as his presence gets closer. If XL were a stronger person, he would have backed away and not let HC wrap his long arms around XL in a warm hug.

But XL doesn’t want to be strong. He wants this hug.

He wants HC.

“Gege, I’m not leaving you in this state,” HC asserts, though his breathing has gotten harsh, betraying his calm facade. “Please don’t make me leave you,” he weakly murmurs.

“It’s for the b-best,” XL tries to convince, finding it too difficult to keep his eyes open. He squeezes them shut, wondering how stubborn he must look from HC’s perspective.

“Why?” is all HC chokes out, the heat of his gaze penetrating XL’s closed lids.

XL purses his lips, holding back another series of wails that threaten to break through.

“I’ve- I’ve ruined things,” XL says. “Our thing,” he clarifies.

“You haven’t ruined anything, Gege,” HC says fiercely. “But if you’re feeling this way...is it something I did?”

“No, of course not!”

“Then am I not doing enough? It’s okay if you think I’m lacking in some areas. I always am.” HC lets out a dry laugh. “But I can fix it! Tell me what you need me to change to make things better-“

“San Lang doesn’t need to change anything!” XL cries, a bit angry now. He’s glad his eyes are screwed shut, otherwise, the tears would’ve stung and blurred his vision beyond function. “It’s me. I’m the one who messed up.”

XL’s lower lip wobbles. He doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t want to fall again without anyone to catch him-

XL’s knees buckle.

HC’s arms wind around his waist as they both collapse to the floor.

“I don’t understand,” HC whispers, pressing kiss after kiss to XL’s temple. “Please help me understand.”

XL finally takes a deep breath. He picks his head up and opens his eyes, red and puffy from crying.

HC’s anxious facial expression greets him.

“I love you.”

HC’s eyes widen in shock.

XL nods in understanding, knowing how overwhelmed the actor must be. It can’t be the first confession he’s had. Someone as charming and desirable as HC must be used to partners confessing their feelings while crying on the ground, pleading for his returned affections.

Unfortunately, XL is just another wishful admirer vying for HC’s heart.

HC’s silence rings louder than a hundred church bells, driving XL to fill it in with more words, a better explanation about how XL has violated their initial conditions to begin fooling around in the first place.

“I sleep best when I’m in your arms, you know? I know my bed isn’t the biggest or comfiest thing you’ve ever slept on. But whenever you’re sleeping beside me, it’s the most perfect place to be,” XL admits with a watery laugh, a twinge of happiness filling his heart just thinking about the peaceful nights he and HC shared over the last year. “And I get the best damn sleep that I will get for the rest of the month we are apart.”

XL can’t stop himself at this point. He’s vaguely aware of HC still supporting him by the waist, the softest brush of fingers against his love handles.

“And I don’t know what it is about your way with words. Maybe it’s because you’re an actor and performing is your job. But- you make me laugh the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life. And it will be about the silliest things! Like your commentary on the reality tv shows we sometimes watch together. You’re funnier than the people doing the skits themselves!” XL babbles, having to stop to blow a piece of stray hair from his lips. HC goes to properly move it to the side while XL continues.

“And you’re an amazing cook! If you wanted to open up your own restaurant, I guarantee it would be an instant hit! You make everything with so much passion and care. I honestly have so much fun with you in the kitchen–and in general. You’re like...sunshine in my life. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we do. As long as I’m with you, I have a reason to smile.”

I wish it could be like that all the time, XL thinks.

“You bring me so much happiness, San Lang. I just...love you so so much,” XL finishes. He swallows thickly and puts on a brave face. His heart twists in on itself painfully; painful tingles travel all the way down to his shaking fingertips.

He sniffles softly.

“And I’m sorry.”

Sorry for getting attached.

Sorry for loving you-

“Gege, please look at me,” HC requests, making XL realize he shut his eyes again while confessing. Slowly, XL obliges, trembling even harder. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

XL goes to speak but HC cuts him off with a chaste kiss, short and sweet. XL hmphs in confusion when he feels HC smile against his lips. When they pull away, XL is speechless.

“Wha-“

“Gege loves me?” HC questions with bright eyes, bumping noses with XL.

“Yes, I said so earlier...” XL says, unsure of what’s going on. But seeing HC smile makes him want to automatically smile as well.

“Would Gege mind saying it one more time?”

XL’s lower lip juts out. HC had clearly heard him the first time.

“Please?” HC whispers. XL pouts harder.

“I love you-“

HC smashes their lips together again, cutting XL’s gasp off.

“San Lang!”

“Again, Gege.”

XL frowns, eyebrows furrowed in determination.

“I love-AHHH!”

HC stands up and picks XL up with hands under his thighs. He spins them around, forcing XL to wrap his arms around HC’s shoulders.

“What are you doing!?” XL asks breathlessly once HC stops spinning. He has to tilt his head down due to the reversed height difference, yet, XL still feels small.

“Ah, after being told Gege loves me, how could I not jump for joy?” HC chuckles, kissing the corner of XL’s mouth.

“You-?“

HC guides XL down onto the bed, hovering over him before gently laying between the cradle of XL’s legs.

“It must be known that San Lang is sorry too,” HC says with a slight rasp, resting his chin against XL’s chest. He looks particularly  satisfied–like the cat that got the cream. “For he loves Gege with all his heart.”

XL embraces HC in a fierce hug with a shout, sobbing all over again. But this time, these are happy tears.

If XL is HC’s anchor that keeps him grounded, then HC is XL’s wings that allow him to fly.

Bonus:

XL: “I thought you hated cheesy lines-“

HC: “Not if it’s with Gege.”

XL: ...

HC: ...

XL: “Okay now that was really chees-“

HC: *interrupts XL with a kissy kiss*

《IV》