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#i feel like in terms of what people read on here
shadowmaat · 3 days
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Shatterpoint Shuffle, pt. 2
Here's more of the Padawan Mace & Initiate Kenobi AU. Part 1 can be read here. Credit for the original idea once again goes to @bitter-chocolate-stars and @krazykupidspoems.
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Padawan Mace Windu did not stomp down the corridors; he had far too much control for that. It wasn't that he was mad about his test score, no matter what others might say. His issue was with the fact that Master Radorm refused to accept two of the sources on his paper the Last Battle of Ruusan even though the Master of the Archives herself had found and approved them.
A small, muffled sob broke his concentration. He stopped, head canted as he listened. There were several sniffles, the quality giving the impression of a small, enclosed space.
"I don't care! I don't wanna see him!"
The voice was high-pitched but came out in a hiss, as if the speaker didn't want to be heard.
Expecting to see a pair of younger Padawans, perhaps, Mace stepped around the corner and regarded the empty hallway. There was an access panel of some kind near the floor, looking slightly off-kilter.
"Hello?" He took a step closer. "Does someone need help?"
Silence, broken by the sound of hitched breathing and smothered snuffles. Could two younglings even fit in that vent, or had one of them abandoned the other?
He considered his options, but really, what choice was there? Someone- and they had to be small, judging by the side of the panel- was hurting. Misery, shame, anger, and resentment hung thick in the air.
He'd be late to his next class, but that was fine. He sat, leaning back against the wall next to the panel.
"Perhaps I'll just stop here to meditate," he announced.
He closed his eyes, centering himself before stretching his senses in the Force. It twisted around him, spinning him in circles.
He clapped a hand over his mouth and reached into his pouch for one of the anti-nausea pills he always kept with him.
As it dissolved under his tongue, he took deep breaths, waiting for his stomach to settle. At least now he knew the likely identity of the person hiding in the vents.
He'd crossed paths with the human Initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi several times over the past few years. Part of that, he was sure, was due to his Master's machinations, but sometimes, like now, it happened more… organically.
Obi-Wan was still an absolute mess of shatterpoints, but he'd come to terms with the fact that it wasn't the boy's fault, it was simply how he was. As unsettling as he could be to look at directly (and even worse in the Force), he still shone with a clear warmth to Mace's senses. A warmth that had dimmed since their last encounter.
"It's strange that this hall isn't as bright as it should be," he said. "Almost as if there was someone very sad nearby."
The vent huffed.
"If only I had some way of finding who it was, I might be able to help. It is, after all, one of the duties of a Jedi to help those in need."
Another huff.
"I know what you're doing," Obi-Wan said.
The vent cover rattled and Mace helped set it aside and extracted a dusty, disheveled Obi-Wan Kenobi.
His eyes were red and tear tracks cut through the dirt on his face.
"I don't need your help," he continued with a sniff. He wiped his nose on the sleeve of his Initiate tunic, smearing more dirt. "I'm sorry to have interrupted your day, Gen- Padawan Windu."
Prickly. Very prickly.
"It's a welcome interruption, if I'm honest," Mace said. "What about you? What brings you to this conveniently broken vent at this time of day?"
"It was already like that!" Obi-Wan snapped. His glare turned to one side and he rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I just needed to get away from people for a while."
He shifted, turning his back on whatever was in the hall that Mace couldn't see.
"I understand," he said. "People can be overwhelming even at the best of times, and when the Force has blessed you with a particular gift it can be even harder."
Obi-Wan gave him a narrow-eyed look. "A gift?"
"Sometimes gifts can feel like a burden," Mace said, rubbing his thumb against the base of his wrist. "Like psychometry. Or shatterpoints. Or whatever ability it is that you are developing."
Obi-Wan scoffed. "Or maybe I'm just crazy, like Bruck 'n them keep saying."
Shock, followed by an all-consuming rage that threatened to swallow him. Mace closed his eyes and breathed deep, acknowledging the anger while recognizing that it wasn't helpful in his current situation. Calmness replaced the rage, but it was the calm of purpose. Banking the fire, as his Master called it.
"No," he said, looking Obi-Wan in the eye. "You are not crazy. The Masters may not have found a reference for your ability yet, but it's clear the Force has gifted you with an important tool. You may not have learned how to use it yet, but-"
"Gossip seems like a stupid tool," Obi-Wan said, glaring at a point past Mace's shoulder.
"Gossip?" He resisted the urge to glance back. "Gossip can provide a lot of unexpected information. Spies in particular covet it."
"Whatever." Obi-Wan shrugged and began trying to straighten his hair and clothes. "Not like I'll ever get to use it anyway. Everyone says I'm too angry to be a real Jedi."
Mace's eyebrows shot up. "Everyone?"
Obi-Wan stood, shaking out the wrinkles in his tunic. "Master Tlah, my teachers, the training Masters, Bruck."
Mace joined him in standing, banking another wave of anger.
"If anger disqualified you from becoming a Jedi, I wouldn't be here right now," he said.
"What?" Obi-Wan stared at him, wide-eyed. "You? But you're perfect!"
It startled a laugh out of him.
"Please be sure to tell my Master that. She'll be very surprised." Waving off Obi-Wan's attempted defense of him, he continued. "No, but I'm serious. There's nothing wrong with having negative emotions, it's even healthy to experience them."
He checked over the Initiate, smoothing down a tuft of hair and unkinking the hood of his robe. The shatterpoints seem to have stilled. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
"What's important is how you handle those emotions. Has anyone shown you how to channel your anger into something more productive?"
Obi-Wan shook his head, and Mace began to mentally compose a letter to the Master of the Crèches for their lack of oversight into the management and teaching of the Clans.
"Well, then. How would you feel about some private lessons from a lowly Padawan Learner about how to use your anger for good rather than letting it control you?"
"What, really?"
"Really."
The Force didn't express emotions, but if it did, he was sure it would be laughing at him. Cyslin would definitely laugh when he told her about it later. She could tease him as much as she liked, but this was less about picking a future Padawan and more about giving a struggling child the tools he should have already been given to help him.
"Yes! Thank you, Padawan Windu!"
Mace watched, distracted, as some of the shatterpoints around Obi-Wan actually healed. He'd never seen that before.
Then Obi-Wan grabbed his fingers to walk with him, and for half a heartbeat he thought he saw figures in the hallway with him, gone before he could fully register their presence. A possible future, an echo of a different present, or just a sign he needed more sleep? Whatever, as Obi-Wan liked to say. Best to focus on the now and leave the rest to be Future Mace's problem. He gave the boy's hand a companionable squeeze and set off for their first lesson.
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yanderenightmare · 11 hours
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heya! do you have any more writing tips for writing on tumblr? like, any tips to get as much attention as you, kinda
Oh yes.
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♡ Post in different lengths!
Or, more precisely, don’t only post long full-fics with multiple chapters.
I know it sounds weird, but the more effort you put into something doesn’t actually guarantee more payoff. Why would anyone read your hour-long fic if they have no previous experience with your writing that gives you credibility? In other words, how can they know spending an hour reading your writing is worth it?
More people are likely to grab a bite-sized appetizer than they are to sit down for a full five-course meal.
But! The more people like those bite-sized appetizers, the more likely they are to want to sit down for that full five-course meal, you know?
Think of those bite-sized appetizers as taste tests—kind of like commercials that bring more people in to give your actual meals a try.
Also, writing in different lengths is good for you! Only writing hour-long stuff makes you burn out quickly, which brings me to my next tip:
♡ Post often!
If you can, try posting something every day. Of course, you can’t post full hour-long fics every day, which is where writing smaller things such as drabbles, headcanons, and tiny prompts come in. Think of them as flings you have in between your long-term relationships. They’re fun little things good for your health!
But anyway, here’s a tip for when you do have those long-term relationships—as in, when you want to write full-fics or longer posts in general:
♡ Start with a hook! 
My attention should be seized by the first paragraph, if not the very first sentence I read. This is so important.
I’m a very picky reader sometimes—so if that first line doesn’t interest me, I’ll be fast to scroll to find something more enticing. And you can be sure a lot of readers are the same.
Under are some examples of my own start-liners.
Something foreboding:
There’s something very off about your roommate… something eerie that makes you keep your distance.
The plot:
Thinking about the big and burly behemoth Omega finally finding himself the cutest little Alpha to breed with…
Something catchy:
Give a brat an inch, and they'll take a mile. 
Something snappy:
You’re his favorite whore…
Dialogue:
“Feels like you’re luring me into some trap.”
A prompt:
Yanderes who keep you higher than a kite…
In medias res:
You lay on your belly on the bed.
Anyway, they don’t have to be groundbreaking—just anything that will spike interest in the reader.
♡ Write for different characters! And try writing inserts!
Inserts are when you don’t name any specific character in the story but either give options for what characters your audience can imagine or leave it completely up to them. This works best if you have a nice starter-line that tells you what kind of character this is without naming them.
Examples:
Bruiser boyfriend
Ex-military Yandere
Benevolently sexist boyfriend
Creep Step-bro
You can go further and identity the reader as well:
Big, brawny, chubby-muscled Boss and his perfectly bite-sized assistant
In other words, people like to know what they’re about to read before they start.
Otherwise and lastly:
♡ Something logistic you can have in mind is making your writing accessible. 
Say I like one of your posts, and I click your profile to check you and your other posts out, but all I see when I scroll through your blog is endless reblogs and one-off comments about this and that. My second instinct is to check out your Masterlist. If you don’t have one, my mission is fraught, and I’ll be out of there quickly. If you do have one, but it’s messy, then my patience will wane, and again, I’ll be out post-haste. 
The bottomline is to have a neat pinned post that makes it easy to navigate your blog, with all your relevant stuff easily accessible. Check out mine for reference. But the most important is for it to include your rules, how to request, and your masterlists.
Then, of course, this is obvious, but:
♡ Things take time
I’ve been running @yanderenightmare since 2020. Back then, it took me half a year to get my first 1000 followers. And most of my posts would only get about 500 or so likes. And, that’s another thing—if I was doing it for the likes and follows I probably wouldn’t still be here, so make sure you enjoy what you’re writing and stuff. If you have that conviction, then the rest is just a nice bonus.
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justanotherhh · 14 hours
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What characters from helluva boss would the hazbin characters get on best with. I've seen fizz suggested for Angel and Millie for Alastor, but I've seen surprisingly little discussion of it.
Ooh yeah, funnily enough I don't know if I think that Millie would get on with Alastor that much -- I think his old-school Southern Charm might tickle her, but also lowkey she'd think he was.... kinda creepy (which, he is). Alastor would be charmed by her for sure! Her go-gettem take-no-shit attitude, her effortless sweetness, yeah. I think while I say "not get on" I don't mean necessarily in a bad way, just... cautious. Alastor has an ever-growing girl-gang around him, I could see Millie as part of it, but not like. the super friendliest
Fizz and Angel is such a no-brainer, seen a bunch of art and read some fic, these two have so much in common (showbiz! performance! abusive bosses! sex appeal! etcetc) I can't imagine them not getting on, and there's a bunch of scenarios where I think Fizz would want to help Angel out of a bad situation. yeah. there's not much more for me to say on this one that hasn't already been said
I think Cherri (who we don't know too much about in terms of various dynamics at the hotel yet, but I want her and Al to get on so badly....) and Millie would get on like a house on fire. and... set houses on fire. I also think Loona would be in awe of Cherri's whole Everything and Cherri would be kind of touched by the whole idea of "oh I'm a motherfucking Mentor now!!!!" (and they'd set houses on fire) -- but I think there could be a downside in that Loona has some anxieties around partying and drinking and while Cherri might be very helpful with the first in terms of confidence, I think the latter could go badly. but yeah. Cherri and Millie take out Loona. Millie keeps more of a watchful eye on her -- now I've written all of this, I think Millie would initially be quite taken with Cherri, but Millie is in the end a more caretaking person (not of herself, we've seen her and her sister out and about!) + as far as I can tell not super into drugs, so there could be friction there if Loona was in the mix. But it'd be a friction that ultimately works itself out
Verosika, I think, is another character who could get on with Cherri. Gosh I'm just building a Mean Girls extraordinaire group here. I think because both Cherri and Verosika are very Trash Pop Girlies (and I mean that only as a compliment) they'd have so much fun on the dance floor, they'd do karaoke together, lament shitty exes -- Angel would be there also, I cannot take Cherri out to the town and not include Angel. you know he's emo about Verosika's music + again, the showbiz connection there. Verosika so so drunk and so so earnestly telling Angel she's gotten off to his movies and he's incredibly flattered. Those three have a dream team feel to them. but watch out! (nobody to say when to stop)
Also I've written a bunch about Alastor and Striker getting on. that's my pet headcanon. aroace4aroace, both of them aplatonic and loveless, both of them with such an outsiders view of the world around them that they just... end up hanging out. they're not friends, gross, they're just people who understand the inherent terribleness of existence together over a drink every Tuesday
Charlie's difficult because she's at odds with so much of the jadedness that the characters feel in HB, but... I mean she and Moxxie and musicals is right there! I think it'd have the potential to be a very cute friendship that also provides an outlet for two very very nerdy people who frequently get judged by their peers for being rambly and overly sincere. Charlie would fuckin eat up Les Mis
Also I do like the idea that Asmodeus babysat Charlie when she was younger. nothing much to add here, just think that's Neat
Niffty! D'you know I think Niffty and Millie also? (Millie is also a Creechur) and maybe even moreso, Niffty and Sallie May? I think these sisters would be taken by the oddity that is Niffty and also feel a little protective over her. I think Niffty's habit of crawling on people she likes would be well-accepted by them and they'd encourage her hobbies. they might be a little surprised by her puppet shows, but all three of them enjoy sadomasochism
Stolas... I've seen some Stolas and Angel also, which I think would be interesting. They're both characters who are quite dissociated from their own bodily needs/wants and trying to learn about them (possibly for the first time), they've both experienced some identity-based punishment around being gay men, they've both got Style, albeit differently inspired. I think Angel might be taken by Stolas' overt constant sincerity, while Stolas... I mean firstly Stolas has also watched a couple of Angel's movies ofc, and so starts off being quite starstruck (they maybe both have this, considering Stolas is a prince) and Angel has a sweet side that takes ever less prodding to get out and I think faced with Stolas he'd take down his mask pretty quickly
Vaggie! I mean Vaggie is sooooooo difficult to get under the armour of. I think perhaps Sallie May would want to (hit that) know more about her/be quite intrigued and I think Vaggie would be pretty shy but taken with her forthrightness and once she's more comfortable Sallie May takes her hunting or something suitably violent like that. I choose in this scenario to forgo jealousy tropes, and go with Charlie is just super happy that Vaggie is making friends with similar interests!!! (the exclamation marks are Charlie).
Blitzo. Blitzooooooooooooooo. It depends on where in his journey he is I gueeess, but. Okay but what if Blitzo and Husk though, because they're both done-with-this-shit alcoholics who wouldn't need to talk, but also Blitzo is a drunk-talker and Husk knows how to get people to open up, because he's a bartender and Husk kinda feels for the guy, Blitzo's having the worst time and that sure is saying something considering Husk is literally enslaved by a deal. so Now I'm almost imagining this as one of Husk's good deeds, he talks to Charlie and the hotel takes Blitzo out for a good time
but honestly so many Blitzo dynamics would be fun here -- Blitzo and Charlie (unlikely besties, where Charlie's irrepressible optimism meets Blitzo's unstoppable depression and nihilism and he finds that he genuinely is trying not to swear around her out of politeness and it Unnerves him, but hey, you can't disappoint a kid who does puppy-dog eyes like that + her daddy's the king of hell), Blitzo and Niffty (there's a lil undercurrent of brother-gotta-protect vibes in both these shows and Niffty, for all her competency, is a Lil Creechur and Blitzo wouldn't want her to get hurt), Blitzo and Vaggie (fuck this afterlife), Blitzo and Angel (BLITZO HAS ALSO WATCHED HIS MOVIES, YES EVERYONE HAS WATCHED AND ENJOYED ANGEL'S MOVIES, and Blitzo wants to make a good impression... here comes my One Night Stand Blitzo And Angel Sudden HC. I think they would)
gosh there's still characters I haven't mentioned o-kay, knuckle down!
Sir Pentious and Moxxie -- both like machinery, both nerrrds, both dress similarly, both tinkerers, both prefer weaponry to hands-on fighting, both underestimated a lot, both very polite Gentlemen, both dating total Baddies Cherri and Millie (oh wait, there's an episode in this that ties to Cherri and Millie going out, where while the latter have a whole Arc, SP and Moxxie are just chilling so hard the entire time). Vibesssss
Octavia is another one I can see in a lot of configurations. Octavia and Charlie kind of a good one, princesses hanging out, I think initially there'd be a bit of personality friction, but I think Via could benefit from a Charlie in her life + they both have daddy issues. Via would also get on really really well with Vaggie I think, so if we've got a Cherri+Millie+Loona constellation, then we've got a parallel Charlie+Vaggie+Via one, where Vaggie kinda balances out the two very intensely in different directions energies and the three of them have a much quieter night, ultimately, than the other three (why is this all ending up as one big headcanon where everyone meets up and it's a party and some people go out and others stay in and there's a bunch of character development?)
Fizzie btw could go either way in this scenario. he has a foot in both worlds, but I read him as more of a homebody than a partygoer. he's just a very flamboyant homebody, so I think he'd prefer to do his nails with Charlie and Vaggie and Via than to go dancing/burning shit up with Cherri and Angel and Millie and Verosika and Loona. Stolas, I just realised, also hanging out and doing nails and the like, I think also good bonding time for him and Via + he and Charlie would bond over bursting into song and yearning
dyou think Alastor would be incredibly charming with Verosika also and she'd be a lil flustered by it? I want that too. like he kisses her knuckles and says he admires her work and it's a lil, oh boy oh boy (and then she asks Angel and Cherri what Al's deal is, like is he gay or what because she's been flirting with him all evening and nothing, and they're like *shrug* whatever his deal is, it ain't sex that's for sure and she sighs and says all the good guys are too busy committing atrocities, and Angel and Cherri squint, because her taste in men... clearly missing some Red Flags for her to respond to)
Octavia would be fascinated by Niffty also -- Niffty generally has the energy of that gina linetti meme in b99 where all the psychologists are hunkered around her desperate to study her:
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whomst am I missing. Kinda skipping the sins+Lucifer, also the villains (minus Striker), and most of the tertiary characters. I think that's it then? *wipes brow*
feel free to add more thoughts/dynamics!
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heart2beom · 2 years
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the way im literally a beomkai ult and have 0 fics of my other man..
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months
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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.
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he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.
a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).
but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.
and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.
he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.
and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal
#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about#religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk#maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about#how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks#btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian#piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into#the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general#and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj#i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me#like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly#and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway#moral orel#orel puppington#(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed#i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his#but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow#christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha#but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3#(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)
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ruvviks · 9 months
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Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.
by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays
#cp2077#edit:mikhail#edit:vitali#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing#whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier#you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly#but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined#they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again#and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you#and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain#sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!!#they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day#and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest#night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big#and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like#how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole#anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out
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rxttenfish · 4 months
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while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#just. thinking about it!#thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent#like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop#she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them#while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back#and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting)#where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that''#but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them)#or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling#when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence#shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk#who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation#to see whats wrong#whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all#or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds)#she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins#often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large#she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound)#and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is#as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now''#which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human!#and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty!#when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them#which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this#just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay#that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues#merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason#because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far
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rotisseries · 9 months
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inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth
#“rori all of these are your faves how can there be a bad answer” well I still have an internal ranking on some of these#and if all of you pick an option that I think pales in comparison to the others. well. hm#I know what's gonna sweep though because two of these are niche as hell and 4 maybe 5 of these are things you people don't follow me for#fun fact I actually had to scrape my brain to make sure I couldn't come up with any more#I am unintentionally very picky on what is a favorite apparentlyyyy#I also just don't watch/read enough stuff these days so there's that#AND I NEED LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO KNOW THEY'RE STICKING AROUND#so like. I have some options but I don't KNOWWW if they're sticking yet#but this feels like such a small poll lmao#also no sapphics on here this is actually cause I hate women-#NO. JOKING. zelink is here. I almost put gideon and harrow but I'm in a perpetual state of not having finished tlt#and I couldn't put nebetta and darya I was drawing the line at 2 tbos ships. well. actually. changed my mind#not editing these tags actually you guys can see my thought process#WAIT AND SAYMARI. FUCK. I LITERALLY MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THEM I LOVE THEMMM#ok. is 4 tbos ships too many. hmm#I said 2 of these are niche now four of these are niche it's really the “which tbos pairing is your fave” poll#THIS POLL IS SO FUNNY IT'S SO SELF INDULGENT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT AT LEAST ONE TBOS SHIP#I should add one more general one...#cause I do actually want genuine and varied answers I gotta give y'all options so they don't all pool at the first two#I also almost put ellie and abby on here.. that would've been so funny four popular 1 rarepair 3 super niche ships#ellie and abby are soooo interesting to me though so of course the thought of them having something horrible going on together compels me#and they are one of my 3 favorited ao3 tags... they deserve a place...#ok well while I debate on that I'm putting akutagawa and atsushi on here I admittedly have only had like two months of exposure to them#but it is enough I can tell they are so crazy to me#the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid
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demodraws0606 · 5 months
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I feel like this is important for analysis but WxS's plays/in-story scripts have been getting gradually darker.
Like this isn't me reaching or anything they've factually have gotten darker and in some ways more ""realistic"" (keep in mind i'm not counting the play at the end of Happy End cos that's just a rewritten version of an old play).
I think the best way to really see this change is to kind of go through each arc and kinda view how the plays are. Now I'm doing this by memory so if I get a play wrong that's why.
1st arc.
So from Rui's first to Emu's first, we have the zombie play, the christmas play and the play to help revive Pheonix Wonderland's popularity.
Those are all pretty child friendly plays, that can be seen as lighthearted even if they do have their own emotional moments.
2nd arc.
This is where things start transitionning into a more serious tone in terms of the plays.
At first we have the play in Nene and Tsukasa's second event which both are kind of the same vibe as the 1st arc plays.
HOWEVER it's when we reached Rui's 3rd even that things take a turn in my opinion.
The story focusing on the tragic story of two androids having lived different lives, one being turn into a weapon for war.
Rui's 3rd event kind is overall a massive turn in WxS's story in general and it was kind of the point where extremely painful events started being handed like candy.
There is the Peter Pan play in Admist a Dream that kinda contradict this switch in tone but I don't really count it since it's story is not really the focus of the event and more so serves to push certain themes with Emu.
Then we have the famous Pheonix event...which like I think I don't need to explain.
3rd arc.
Now things get weird since, the Android and Pheonix play while both being a lot more dramatic and "darker" still had aspects of fantasy in them.
However the two "plays" (the second one is not a play but a film script but shhhhhhhh) are purely set in a realistic setting and obviously feel a lot more mature as a result.
This is also without pointing that both of the stories are extremely similar with a depressed male lead who is said or hinted to have suicidal thoughts until something brings them out of it.
So yeah, here's some food for analysis for what this means for WxS's story as whole
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walnutcookie · 4 months
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ive had an. Intersting relationship with my aromanticism honestly.
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No one:
Me: Okay, but what if their relationship has nothing to do with Sonic and Tails? What if Metal literatally just saw Eggman working on Tails Doll and assumed without proof that they were created for him? What if Metal quite literally attached to Tails Doll through this assumption and then their partnership progressed naturally? What if the inorganic creations fell in love as an unorthodox power couple and just so happened to resemble a famous partnership?
#sonic the hedgehog#metal sonic#metdoll#tails doll#i just be ramblin#I am a great Sontails enjoyer okay#and I would be lying if I said I didn't originally consider this pairing because of this#However there is hilarity in making the relationship coincidental and have nothing to do with Sonic & Tails as there is interest to me in#inorganic beings growing close to each other and experiencing feelings they should not be able to#Eggman has a knack for even accidentally creating robots with souls#But also while I love the 'robot learns about love by spending time with a human'#I think it would be interesting for two inorganic beings to grow souls and develop/navigate feelings they should not be able to#feel together‚ even if they don't quite understand the exact nature of their relationship or what 'love' is (or possibly even that it *is*#form of love)#I think of two beings who are not supposed to be 'real' so to speak developing that quality of 'realness' by seeing each other#Kingdom Hearts did this to me btw#Nobodies and data copies and replicas and toys and HECK even in terms of people that are considered real#The ability to grow hearts when others see you and believe that you are real#The idea that you only truly exist when someone else sees you and believes in that existence#kingdom hearts has forever affected the chemistry of my brain#Oh and also if you're reading this and you do see me make a post later that's more related to Metal and Tails doll forming any sort of bond#because of Sonic and Tails‚ know that I am aware of this. I know what I said#The dynamic I've talked about here is a preferred one but I contain multitudes and sometimes it is fun to be like 'this relationship began#in any capacity because of sonic and tails' even if it could hypothetically develop without that connection#anyways#Metdoll💖💖#Oh wait one last thing. While this is a ship post I'm actually a bit fan of complex relationships#So if you have to put a name to the desired relationship I put Metdoll in it's better described as queerplatonic‚ but it's complex#They're just not siblings to each other. That's all#au musings
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gobstoppr · 7 months
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and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)
i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise
#fandom culture has made me actively dislike shit i was fixated on a year ago. looking at your ninja turtles#its not even like what they were doing were particularly offensive it was just exhaustingly boring#im sorry i just really dont care about ur 2 million fics about leo being a sadboy. or one million seperated aus.#theres definetly a part of the whole situation in general which has been me coming to terms with my own internalized misogny#actively re-examining my tendencys to gravity towards male characters#idk maybe its making me dislike art more. but idk. ive always analyzed why i react certain ways to certain things. this isnt new for me#anywaays. i had been following a bunch of ninja turtle blogs and they sorta kept messing around with shows like ninjago too#and at some point i was just like. i dont know if these shows are actually that good guys. i think youjust like shows for little boys#and fandoms tend to shaft female chars so it sure helps that their casts are 98% male .#maybe theyre not your blorbo maybe theyre just Guy McAverageMan. thats not inherently bad but you have to consider it.#guys rottmnt is isnt even that good . its not that good ok. its alright/pretty good. and the movie does a few neat things#i feel like ive become one of those people that turn 18 and then immediately go 'minors dni'. im not there yet but i just.#we're watching kids shows. its ok . you can say it.#you may have noticed ive been reblogging a lot of dungeon meshi stuff. i read it all over the past week.#but here's the thing. i thought it was mid/good for like 70% of it.#i think its got some really really cool worldbuilding ideas and stuff#but i think a lot of the writing was sorta. uninteresting to me.#my discord friends have been raving over izutsumi for months.#but i found her presence in the story to be weird and underdeveloped. she felt out of place and her introduction felt clumsy#i felt when the story was ramping up the manga got a lot better. because again theres some rlly cool ideas at play#all the shit with the lion? incredible. the way all the infighting led to more problems bc the elves refuse to explain anything? rlly good.#marcille landing in power? reallly good shit. (i still thought it was a lil undercooked still tho)#i cant stop thinking about laios in that climax scene. i think he shouldve been feral a lot more often#uhh. i got distracted. fandom bad and annoying.#saw a post talking about marcille realizing izutsumi is only 17 and then describing how 'omg shes a mom now' and i wanted to throw up#im done. i swear. im done talking for real. aagh#text
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stackslip · 8 months
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i do have criticisms of chainsaw man part 2 tbh as much as i gleefully enjoy it, and one of them is that it feels so heavily built on fire punch that it must not do *nearly* as much if you haven't read fire punch beforehand. it's like half of a conversation and if you're missing the other half i imagine it must sound a bit like nonsense
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bibiana112 · 1 year
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Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again
Well the short answer is no :D
#the long answer is I saw one post of someone going 'well now that I'm 28 too maybe I'll try doing the same thing the protag does here''#and nearly cried because 28 is such a ridiculously long time away except not really except it's SO#fucking long and so close to what I was gaslit into believing I would ever have that I'd be lucky to make it to my thirties for no reason#and I never wanted anything different and just wanted to live and had panic attacks when reading but I'd still believe it was inevitable#and now I am suddenly having to come to terms with so much I want from life that I had resigned myself to never having because I couldn't#but how am I meant to do that? it's just hanging over my head now and it feels so stupid and I feel so out of place everywhere#it feels like I'm too bad at being a person to be loved and too angry to even admit I want to be#and too regretful to seek it because I'm scared of trampling over people's boundaries like people have done to me#and like I did too before I grew up and thought my way through having some empathy#why do only boys show any interest in me.... why is every friend I make entirely outside the range of people who could possibly reciprocate#why is it so easy for me to brush crushes aside aren't people supposed to suffer for this stuff#does that prove it's not a romantic crush and it's just that I want to be held and wanted#it feels so wrong to want this after fighting so much just to have fulfilling platonic relationships what's wrong with me#that I still want something else what more could I want this life is so ideal as far as 12 yo me is concerned#...when did my brain start viewing any and all kinds of want or ambition as doomed efforts for me?#I have such a headache all of a sudden#I think... the way I value self preservation has gotten all the way around into being harmful maybe#at least a little#everyone I know is nowhere near the amount of control freak as I am and they just go do things they want to do#have I seen them hurt over the consequences multiple times yes. but . I'm tired of hurting over absence#''did you know wishing you had more extreme and easily verifiable trauma is in itself proof of having undergone trauma'' well yeah but like#fuck why couldn't I be traumatized by anything else that wasn't literally the profession supposed to help you with all the trauma#delete later#like for real I want to delete it rn but I also don't
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mejomonster · 1 year
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Every time I go on a dating app I feel hopeless -.-
#rant#genuinely frankly i would probably do better at speed dating im person but that doesnt exist here#i go on app. i see poly partnered people looking for another partner. i do not seek to be that#i almost talk myself into just trying to be friends in case They know someone id like before i realize#thats a bit convoluted. i see one person actually just looking for friends like me and feel relief#and maybe i could make a friend but i want love i want romance and is pursuing that instead primarily#exactly why im a great friend whos been single for years? i see several men who absolutely did not read#rhat im fucking nonbinary. i see a person whos single and wants only hookups so my demi ass is out#i see a single person with no fucking hobbies jn common who i dont personally find aesthetically appealing#i see someone hot finally and immediatelt wonder what Red Flag theyre unavailable i must be subconciouslt clocking into#ah. yes. theyre oceans away making our chances of intimate long term commitment slim unless we both are significantly interested#and they give one word answers indicating theg dont want to chat. which us the only way i have to build a connection for now.#and then i wonder if im picky cayse im noticing incompatibikities. or cause no one compatible is around on my app#or is it self sabotage? or would Dating a red flag be sabotage?? or am i too demi to fucking do this i fucking hate this#i dont even know if id like someone in 5 months IF they were compatible and single. and then rhe chances of them liking me thay long?#well lers just say ive not yet had a partner ever say they liked me back. i mean theyve lied for several months. then come clean rhat#they never actually liked me and i was just convienient so :/#i am so tired. i hate dating apps. i could probably self sabotage in 1 minute tho and message a married poly person#who cannot therefore marry me and who i cannot be the primary priority of. then i guess that would be self sabotage#cause id So clearly be letting myself crysh on someone unavailable wooh. -.-#jm so so tired man. i jusr wanna crush kn someone. kiss someone. bang regularly for decades.#oh and id Reallt like to fall in mutual love. the awful state of things? mt parents suggested to me#i get with someone i dont like romanrically and just make myself have a relationship#cause i guess they have no faith in me finding mutual love. which ngl makes me so incredibly sad even rhey dont believe i can
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aenhanse · 9 months
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people weren't lying those crossroads of twilight can really slog
#this is the longest it took me to finish a wheel of time book#i haven't been really posting my thoughts as i read through this series but i am an old man staring out his window rn#wot book spoilers#once i hit egwene pov chapters it definitely got better in terms of me actively wanting to sit down and read it#but the parts before... idk if it's because i had my usual break before picking up this book specifically but man.#tragic to me because elayne and mat povs are usually my favorite in the books but alas.#at least i got the “but she loved aviendha every bit as much as she did rand”. much to think about#but yeah it very much feels like a sort of filler book#i feel like a lot of the events could've been shortened?#but i do find a lot of what happened in the back half of the book interesting. like the introduction of so habor#and whatever is going on with mat seeing dead people?? yeah i'm kicking my leggies and am interested to see what's up with those things#although all three boys now getting in some ways alligned with the seanchan... :| not looking forward to that#and i find tuon intriguing she is interesting to me i just wish there was no romance plot here#overall i enjoyed the egwene chapters the most#egwene povs my new best friend#(i'm saying this as if i haven't liked them in previous books. i very much did but there were always povs that i enjoyed more in comparison#anyways. live randland reaction the book goes to the bottom of my list. i am walking off into the sunset with knife of dreams in my hand#olga talks
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