#i feel like im gong insane

[miyaagis]

at that point in life where i know i deserve a ripped, tall, dark-haired, and handsome dude to fold me in half

[artilite]

ohhhh my gogfh. oh my good gracious ohh man. oh stars oh gems etc etc etc sorry for the spam on your lion dance post i didn’t realize until after going INSANE over it that it’s from like five months ago but again i. i saw it and went insane. genuinely one of my favourite things any isat creator has done to date thank you SO MUCH for the joy and whimsy im running up the WAAAALLS

NOOO NEVER APOLOGIZE I WAS SO SO HAPPY SEEING YOUR TAGS-- it's always a delight seeing other lion dance enthusiasts bc they feel so few and far between :') THANK YOU SO MUCHH AJDHAK !!! also OOF, PASSAGE OF TIME? i promised myself i'd properly revisit lion dance isat one day.. perhaps soon.....

i hope you don't mind me piggybacking off this ask to share my reasoning for their roles :^) i realize i never shared it anywhere JSDHSF (long post under cut) (there's art i promise)

the lion: siffrin and isa!! of course!! The base of a lion usually needs to be strong and steady, traits that fit isabeau very well :) i think he'd also appreciate being reliable/having to be relied on so much, and supporting sif in putting themselves out there in performance. Siffrin also probably weighs like, nothing to him, so that's a plus LOL.

Siffrin would be the head, not only bc they're quick and agile, but also bc I think they'd give the lion a fun personality! I think having the costume to hide behind would help him come out of his shell more :] (and my personal hc is that the island is SE asian in some way, so a fun way to connect to his culture as well, even if he doesn't remember it </3)

i drew them with a fut san lion (just 'cause its easier for me LOL) but i think they'd perform hok san!

the buddha: loop... i think they'd appreciate the ability to look out for sif and isa and keep them safe, while also messing around and being part of the performance themself !! they'd love any opportunity to annoy siffrin anyway HSDJHSDF also something something... universe's cosmic joke being the comedic relief role......

drum: originally i gave the role of drummer to bonnie, but now i'd probably hand the role to either mirabelle, to carry over her leader position in the group, or odile, since she's the most senior member! definitely leaning towards mirabelle though. i like the idea of her being the heart of the party :)

other instruments: odile is on gong, based purely off of vibes. tell me odile wouldn't pop off with the gong. also, she's probably familiar with it already! bonnie gets symbols because that's JUST like banging pots and pans together, which i'm sure they have plenty of. honestly, they could just bang actual pots and pans together LOL. they'd have fun with it :)

[slytherinshua]

ALSO THIS PIC GOT ME THINKING….

he’s so hot.

but like braiding his hair or putting little clips n them n he’s just letting you do your thing…. but deep down he’s just melting yknow <\\3 n imagine the boys walking in n i feel like they’d either die from laughter or cuteness how adorable u two are:(

also this is so mean but imagine he’s sitting between your legs on the floor n you’re on the sofa n he won’t stop squirming bc he can’t focus n u tug his hair LMAO

IM BARKING CRYING SCREAMING GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET AND JUMPING OFF A CLIFF UR SO INSANE FOR THIS AXE SKDJSKDKSDS warnings: none?? wc: ~400.

usually theo would say no to anyone touching his hair (trust cause the boys have tried before), but you are the exception to every rule. he doesn't mind when your cuddle session turns to you starting to massage his head and play with his hair. it's actually very relaxing and his eyes are fluttering shut from the sensation. but then he feels a slight tug and winces ever so slightly because he's not used to it. he realizes what you're doing pretty quickly and his heart melts inside. you tell him to sit on the floor, and he's quick to do it because whatever his princess wants.

he can't see it, but he can feel your fingers working to put small braids in his hair, and tying them with the colorful elastics you have on hand. you have bow and butterfly clips as well (he has no idea why you have so many hair things on hand? you didn't even have to get up to get them???) but he lets you have your fun. on the outside he looks annoyed. his eyes are closed and a small pout is on his face. but on the inside he's really enjoying it. he doesn't even mind the slight pull and tug from you securing his hair. you could never really hurt him </3

what he doesn't expect is that the boys would burst through the door a second later and immediately start cackling. intak and keeho are practically falling over each other with giggles and jiung is already snapping pics for blackmailing purposes later. of course theo's eyes flew open the second he heard the door open-- he can't look like he was enjoying it, definitely not-- that would make him look whipped for you or something.

he tries to argue with the boys saying that you forced him into it, but jongseob is having none of fit and constantly teasing him, calling him whipped and a simp. he admits defeat eventually because the last thing he will ever do is deny that he loves you in front of you. maybe he is a simp, because the second he looks in the mirror he realizes how ridiculous he looks. pink bows littered all over his silky black hair, braids sticking out in every direction. but he's so soft on the inside because you decorated his head with love. so he keeps it in for the rest of the day, even if keeho starts laughing at him every time he sees him sjdksd.

↳ p1harmony taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @eternalgyu,, @kangtaehyunzzz,, @amara-mars,, @nyukyusnz,, @blossominghunnie,,

@wccycc,, @seunghancore,, @heavenfilm,, @sobun1est,, @bananabubble,,

@talkingsaxy,, @cupidslovearrows,, @50-husbands,, @hursheys,, @kristianities,,

@stannwjnss,, @gong-fourz

[cyberdragoninfinity]

it may be impossible to do, and if it is, dont worry about it, but i need to know your like. top 10/5/3 duel links themes, based on the music alone, ignoring the character its for

but if you cant separate them id still love to know which're your fave and why

OH YOU KNOW THIS GIRL'S GOT A TIER CHART FOR THIS EXACT PURPOSE

i actually originally made this back in may, so this was a great excuse to dig it back up and add all the characters/themes added since then <3 (and theres been some BANGERS)

but to get into the specifics lemme narrow my top 10's too hard to pick (WHY DOES ALL THE MUSIC IN THIS GAME SLAP LIKE HELL!!) so here's my top five instead, that a nice round number

First, Some Honorable Mentions: Z-ONE'S CRAZY KICKASS ANGELIC CHOIR THEME, Kalin's straight up heartpounding western movie theme; that weird opening warbly in Antinomy's theme; soulburner's insane Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Riverdance theme that would probably be in my number 6 spot i think.

anyway, The Real Favs!

#5: Supreme King Jaden's theme for that absolutely heartwrenching soulful opening guitar riff alone. It's just a really beautiful track to me; I usually like the guitar-heavy DL tracks a lot anyway but this is just one of the absolute best to me.

#4: GOTTA BE JACK ATLAS'S CRAZY EUROBEAT BANGER OF A THEME the first time i heard this track blow my tits clean off. It's so good. (and as an aside, while mostly trying to ignore The Characters Themselves tied to the themes for this list, I do love that Jack's theme invokes the techy dance eurobeat of his actual in-show battle theme. it's a cool detail!) Just an absolutely hype as hell song. It makes me feel like Reneta Bliss, Your Freestyle Dance Teacher

#3: A FRESH AND NEW AND 2024 ENTRY but Spectre's theme just goes fucking bonkers. The most "this sounds like something out of a toby fox game" type song in Duel Links hands down. It's weird and it's rhythm is so entrancing and then the beat drops and it's just like OH OK LET'S GET FUNKY WITH IT ALRIGHT. great song, really dig it.

#2: Absolutely Gong Strong's terminally underrated theme, start to finish it just goes hard as all hell. The military-march drums and horns combined with those very traditional Japanese flutes and strings has no damn right to work together as well as they do. It's a shame nobody even plays Gong in pvp so i NEVER GET TO HEAR THIS MASTERPIECE OF A SONG!!! >:(

AAAND MY #1 FAV DUEL LINKS THEME: hands down no contest it's Yugo's theme AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I LOVE YUGO. THIS TRACK WAS BLASTING MY BRAIN IN HALF MONTHS BEFORE I EVEN TOUCHED ARC-V. just everything about it is absolutely fucking S-tier. That sick as hell chiptune opening, the techno dance beat that pops the fuck off, the crazy sweeping strings and horns and invocation of the yuboys' leitmotif, it is SO so fucking good, I could listen to it for hours.

[theadhdgoblin]

Does anyone else’s ADHD flick from inattentive to hyperactive?

I’ve noticed I get extremely wound up when I have to wait for anything. Or focus on something someone else is doing. It’s like my blood is fizzing & if you don’t get on with it I’m gong to explode.

I need to be doing something All the time. This is not my usual adhd. Or maybe, the tism need for measured or low stimulus has been stronger. Most times it’s a struggle to get myself to do anything to the point I’m too chill. So chill it’s frustrating. Because there are things I want to progress but I’m too good at relaxing even when I don’t want to be.

but it’s like I have too much activation energy now.

It’s nice to get things done that I need to. But I cannot fall asleep bc my mind is racing. I’m so twitchy I cannot even cope the few seconds it takes for a hot tap to get hot.

This constant life on the edge feeling is driving me a bit insane. It’s like I’m on speed but I’m unmediated. Im so tired but my brain won’t rest for long.

It’s like I’ve swung from one extreme to the other.

Does anyone else’s adhd do this?

[liibility]

hello i‘m back from the dead!!!! please ignore all the military mistakes and the fact that your name is mug (im drinking tea)

cw blood? veryyyyyy slight allusion to nsfw i promise its barely there

—

A light breeze blew dust across the empty compound, sprays of blood and bodies dotting the shadowy area. König could feel his own blood slowly seeping into the leg of his pants where a knife had been stabbed a few times. It didn‘t matter much, though: the wound would heal soon enough by itself. More importantly—

"Mug, how copy?" He needed to make sure you were okay and heading to the extract point. Exfil would be there in three; all that was left to do now was get to the building where they‘d all be picked up.

A minute passed as he waited for your answer, but there was nothing; not even the slightest bit of static from your end.

"Mug, are you there?"

You were probably already there, he rationalized. Or maybe your radio had been broken after you‘d split up to empty the area you‘d been assigned to.

He couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his chest. Even if he wanted to ignore it, he already knew the reason you weren‘t responding.

He could see the building where you were supposed to already be from where he was, and he quickened his pace. Faint lights lit the way and König was grateful for them, even if they were mostly unnecessary. Another chilly wind gusted past as a cloud covered the moon, dimming the area significantly.

He stopped in his tracks and stiffened as something else floated along on the wind — something familiar. Blood.

Your blood.

Intense, unshakeable bloodlust bore down on him; he was unable to stop the way his limbs carried him forward. Cotton filled his brain, a muffling fuzziness robbing him of the ability to focus on anything else.

König didn‘t need his radio or the bad lighting anymore; the worryingly strong scent of blood told him exactly where you were.

Slowly, his steps sped up until he was practically running to the dark shape on the ground. Your heartbeat was weaker than normal, but it still resonated like a gong echoing in his head; sound bouncing endlessly against the hollow walls of his skull. Static came from his radio, but all of his senses were laser-focused on you and you only.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew you needed immediate medical attention. Obviously you were severely wounded, judging by the amount of blood on your gear and the ground

He knew that, and yet…

Looming over your prone form, his vision tunnelled onto the place where blood stained your uniform the most.

Distantly he heard the helicopter as it touched down, whipping up dust that flew into his eyes. He could care less about some dust right now, because someone had rushed out and grabbed you, hoisting your unconscious form over their shoulder. Doggedly, he followed where they took you into the helicopter, unblinking eyes still fixed on you. Your blood might as well have been running through his own veins; he could feel it, not as something he only could dream of, but tangible. In the flesh. Real.

It was on him, somewhere. Where was it? Where was it?

A pressure was on his arm, guiding him towards the helicopter. He gritted his teeth, fighting down the urge to snap this man‘s neck. Even as his teeth cut deep into his lips, it was all he could do to tamp down the bloodlust he felt. At this point, he wasn‘t even sure who it was directed at.

He felt too heavy to even think anymore, and he was grateful for that. It was bad enough to have to constantly be tasting your blood in the air without his mind telling him what he should do.

The heli took off, and he let his mind mercifully shut down.

—

König was so thirsty, he felt like he was going to die.

He couldn‘t shake your scent off of him. It stuck in his head, his nose, his mouth, and made him feel like he was going insane— moreso than he already was.

After the check-up he’d been forced to have with one of the nurses, and even after he‘d showered for a long time, it wasn‘t leaving. You‘d never even been remotely close to his quarters, so why did it smell like you‘d plastered yourself all over his wall?

He was sweating again, even though he felt like a shriveled and dry husk; his eyes darted around his cramped room frantically, wishing that, even if he knew he would never forgive himself, he could—

Gear.

His gear.

His gloves had you— your blood was all over them.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

The sane part of his mind willed his hands to stop from reaching towards his dirty, bloodied gear.

But it was like his hand had a mind of its own, and there was absolutely no stopping the way he brought it to his mouth.

He might be the most pathetic person on earth, but the moment his tongue touched that tiny stain of blood, he knew he was ruined forever. Nothing would ever come close to the taste of you. There were no words in any language to properly describe how that minuscule amount of blood made him feel. His body suddenly thrummed with energy despite having just been out for hours. For the first time in a long time, his mind felt clear. He was a drowning man who‘d just surfaced and gotten a breath of air—

Only to go straight back under, deeper than before.

What would it taste like from the source?

There was no use pretending he didn‘t like that idea. He could feel his boxers getting tight, even after what he‘d done in the shower.

König was slipping.

[mhaynoot]

[ joongdok - canon compliant - pure fluff ]

post epilogue, established couple joongdok having a vacation all to themselves for a week or two because they're the only two jobless adults who can get two weeks off in the middle of the year and the rest of the kim dokja's company nebulae can take a hint.

the hint is that they're hopeless and completely garbage at planing vacations. the two idiots are still "hmm"-ing and "mmm"-ing a week after yoo sangah had eagerly suggested they take a trip to relax.

"has either of them ever even had a vacation?" someone finally asks.

someone else asks, "do they, like, even know the concept of relaxing?"

not looking away from her console and executing a perfect combo, yoo mia says, "oppa never took a vacation, not even once."

"what about kim dokja?"

then they remember kim dokja and kim dokja's past and they sigh.

after arguing about romantic cliches and plans for a whole night before finally reaching a tentative accord, han sooyoung and yoo sangah intervene and slap down two tickets on the dining room table.

"you are going to jeju island," han sooyoung says.

"hmm, are we?" kim dokja says even as yoo joonghyuk swipes the tickets to examine the dates.

"yes," everyone replies and he only laughs.

lee hunsung becomes in charge of activities and he rounds all the kids to band up together into a brain storming session that rattles the roof with how loud and excited they become. they come up with a bunch of whacky romantic/fun/cool/badass ideas and activities to do. having come back from her recent trip and feeling extremely gleeful at having thats right up her expertise, jang hayoung compiles all their suggestions into a neat activity book and then makes the mistake of actually researching. hours and hours later, she's still trying to find all the best places and fun spots. she's interviewed four people already and they all give insane responses.

for example, jung heewon lists out all cool bars she went to during her college years but then strokes her chin and says, "they're probably all destroyed or gone now though. ah, just add it all anyways, im sure they'll find at least one of them or it'll give them a good goose chase."

by the end of it and the entire living room turned into a jeju guide collection dump. even han sooyoung reaches out to help format all the information into a giant printed travel guide. by the time its printed and bound, it's thick enough to break bone.

"would we even be able to do all of this?" kim dokja asks, tracing the list of activities and sights and vacation things to do. its a very long list.

"we can always go again," yoo joonghyuk points out.

kim dokja's eyes crinkles. they share a look over the word 'again'.

"oi," han sooyoung cuts in. "we're all going next time, you bastards. there's no way i would have helped make this stupid travel guide just for you two."

yoo joonghyuk and him share another look but he smiles when says, "if you say so, han sooyoung."

bumbling in with all the grace of a particularly snappy grand turtle, gong pildu huffs and finds them a lodge in the middle of nowhere so they don't destroy perfectly good land. even han myungoh comes by with his daughter to talk excitedly about all the places he'd visited and how they could totally hook them up with perfect deals. kim dokja's mothers come by as well, getting him travel bags and fancy dinner clothes.

uriel wails that she cant watch them on their honeymoon over video call. there's about a billion stage crew bustling and frantically speed walking around and behind her and kim dokja remembers she's on a world tour and probably about to head up on stage considering her pretty outfit. glancing over her shoulder on the screen, kim dokja can almost spy out abyssal black flame dragon and sun wukong fighting in the background using a thumb machine.

"how about you send me your schedule and we can go watch your next concert after my vacation," he says and she immediately lights up.

and, because he's pressed against his chest and tucked under his chin, kim dokja can feel it as yoo joonghyuk shakes his head. but he still writes it down in the little black journal he keeps on hand.

in the end, the only two who dont actually contribue to the vacation is kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk themselves who spend most of the week arguing over luggage and bickering over if bringing an entire spice rack is over kill (kdj: yes, yjh vehemently: i can bring the knives too, kim dokja give me the spices).

on the day of departure, they wake up predawn to the whole house bustling and three people already yelling, and loading up way more luggage than kim dokja remembers packing. making sure to fill up yoo mia's plate first, yoo joonghyuk eventually reveals a giant breakfast spread for the rest to eat and they all gobble up ten differently cooked eggs, kimchi yoo joonghyuk had been expertly fermenting like an elderly ahjumma, fluffy fried rice, kimchi, four pots of soup, perfectly cooked fish, more kimchi, and a whole table filled with a hundred different banchan.

as he closes his eyes around the heavenly flavour of yoo joonghyuk's hobakjuk, he quietly conceeds that bringing the spice rack wouldn't be too bad even if it ruined the authenticity of trying touristy food trap.

after inhaling the food and the grand procession of getting everyone into one vehicle, jung hewoon drives them to the airport in the gigantic wagon car they all loving call the company car. in kim dokja's opinion, its more bus than car.

the kids all cry as he rubs their head and kisses their forehead goodbye even though theyre all too old for that anymore but he does it anyway when they crowd around him like puppies about to be dropped off at puppycare. he can't begrudge them when even the adults are huddling around him too, holding onto him like he'd disappear. inside, he knows they're all acting like this why but only a soft tug pulls his heart into a gentle dance of indulgence.

kim dokja waves goodbye from the terminal, smiling widely. yoo joonghyuk gives a nod to the group, flipping through the Kim Dokja Company Approved Travel Guide for the sixth time since they got it. but even he smiles in the end when they all call out their last goodbye and rush into a giant hug.

"you better come back in one piece. yoo joonghyuk, look after him or else. you too kim dokja, you better not let this guy do anything stupid."

"dokja-ssi make sure not to get lost."

"ahjussi, have fun and remember us!"

"hyung! don't forget us! ugh, you sooty bastard, you better look after hyung."

"look after master, ahjussi, and get us souvenirs!"

holding onto his hand, yoo sangah says "make sure to have fun."

jung heewon pulls him close and says into his shoulder, "come home soon."

kim dokja clings onto them for a moment longer. just a little longer. indulges in each second that ticks by. but the announcer says its time to depart and, as he pulls back, he watches as they gather around him, like planetary orbits, never leaving his solar system. refusing to leave his previously lonely starry world. after all, they were forever intertwinned in the gravity of each other. forever, they'll be here for him, to pull him back, and he'll be there too, reaching back to meet their open arms. even if they separated just for a little bit. they'll rotate back together. always.

"i promise, I'll be back," he says, a little watery, and swings an arm around yoo joonghyuk. he holds him steadily.

kim dokja thinks for a long moment. "you know, i dont think ive ever been in a plane."

silently, yoo joonghyuk holds out his hand. after all that he has gone through, after using wings to fly, a carriage through space, a car that rides on cosmic roads and after having thrown himself through the cosmos, kim dokja thinks wearily that something as mundane as a plane ride should definitely not even stir up even a sliver of fear but he grips onto yoo joonghyuk's large, warm hand as tight as possible as the plane shakes and rattles and the white tube bleeds around the edges of his eyes.

then they get the kdrama special montage of jeju island.

there had been plenty of bizarre, otherworldly and breathtaking sights of skies and cosmos, of death and destruction, of the haunting beauty in yoo joonghyuk's features during the scenarios. devastating but beautiful. something as mundane as jeju island and the wind in yoo joonghyuk's hair and a casual black turtleneck shouldn't take his breath away but it does.

the first day, they had decided not to do much. first, check into their lodge. a tiny cabin that looks about ready to collapse in the middle of nowhere. but its surprisingly cosy and cleaned up on the inside when they step in. yoo joonghyuk sets up his spice rack and the whole kitchen to his liking and kim dokja lounges around with a book. after putting things away and the sun still high in the afternoon, they go sightseeing.

kim dokja oohs and ahhs and takes thousands of dumb photos to send to the kkt. most of it is landscapes, and bad selfies, and a picture perfect yoo joonghyuk looking handsomely over the distance.

"so unfair," he says and then makes the photo his lockscreen.

they go to a cute cafe jang hayoung had circled several times for the pretty floral aesthetic and view overlooking the ocean. kim dokja admits it does look pretty nice and sends photos of it to jang hayoung with a thumbs up.

"hi, what would you like to order? by the way, our chef's special today is fish and chips!"

initially, he had been only about to order an ice americano (decaf because he was old) but kim dokja can't ever resist and orders lunch there too. loves watching as yoo joonghyuk makes a grouchy face at all the 'low quality' food he tries. it is pretty tasteless but kim dokja savours each bite.

the sun lazily winds through the sky, not a cloud in sight and its too perfect beach weather to pass up. using the extremely detailed map in the travel guide, they find the beach although kim dokja was pretty sure they would have found it easily even without it. just follow the sea salt.

at the edge before the sand, yoo joonghyuk quickly crouches down to take off his shoes and, before kim dokja could follow suit, he reaches out and takes hold of kim dokja's foot. his fingers quickly unlaces the sneaker and then he slips the shoe and sock off. his hands now cradling the bare sole into a gentle squeeze and half massage.

kim dokja laughs and reaches out to card a hand through the thick hair. the silver strands are shining in the golden jeju sunlight. they flutter in the sea wind they can feel from here. something in his stomach was fluttering too.

look at them, 30-something and over hundreds and thousands of years old. a bunch of old men they are to still get butterflies.

"you're so cute today, joonhyuk-ah."

"shut up and give me your other foot."

kim dokja does and yoo joonghyuk sets their shoes to the side. he also rolls up their pants and then gets up with a smooth rise.

they walk along the beach, hand in hand. kim dokja playfully kicks wet sand into yoo joonghyuk's legs and, without hesitation, yoo joonghyuk throws him into the ocean. or, at least tries to. immediately, having had the foresight, kim dokja latches onto him tightly, he twists, and they both tumble down into the sand.

kim dokja laughs, a little breathless from the fall but mostly because of the sight of yoo joonghyuk hovering over him and the ocean breeze stuck up his throat. he had even slipped a hand beneath kim dokja's head before it hit the sand. a small fall like that wouldn't have even hurt at all.

"so unfair," he says again, reaching up to trace the ocean drop kissing down yoo joonghyuk's devastating cheeks.

they're still mostly on the sandy area so the warm water only reaches about a finger width high. it pulls back kim dokja's hair just the slightest bit and the sand is already getting everywhere on him. the sunlight plays along the water's glittering surface.

kim dokja smiles and yoo joonghyuk watches as his eyes curl up into little crescents. as the world sparkles around him.

'unfair you say,' yoo joonghyuk thinks and leans down to kiss him.

they're both smiling too much. the gentle waves washes them close, again and again. it's salty.

[papercutsmp3]

bonjour alina (to read in fake french accent)!!! another year another nov the 20th made happier and lovelier and dearer to me for being your day !!! (and another year of wishing i could eat cake with you) you are so important to me and i hope you know i love you very very much 🩷🩷🩷🩷 let's hope for another year of walking jopping together and i hope you have a lovely night !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🩷

omgggg is lady apple 🍎 texting mee ... 😍

im always happy to spend this day knowing it's my very own da vinky twin's birthday 🎂 im so lucky to have this special opportunity to meet a twin later in life i believe in destiny btw it was meant to happen 🤓 we shall eat cake together and jop outside in the sun happily and in my heart i always feel like that when i think about you ❕im feeling very sentimental im just happy the heavens decided you needed an equally insane mutual andd frand and arranged all of this (real. i checked the facts it happened) 🤲

howww did you make these gifs they are perfect... special effects gong jun you are so important and friendly.. is that jaejoong??? ohh many complicated feelings as i know where there is jaejoong there also are his nippples 🧍‍♂️ i hope he doesn't feel vertigo from spinning so much 🙏 oh i love these i need to find a way to print these gifs idk frame by frame and arrange them in a flipbook perhaps that will be good

[deniald0ll]

i started progesterone and since have p much been like on unforced no touch bc im afraid of how bad itll suck when i start wanting to cum and like i just edged for the first time and it feels different. likee i really really really wanna have a real orgasm like i havent had a full one since july and i feel like im gong to beg daddy with bribes and candy and favors to be able to have orgasms again cuz im going insane but also i cant make myself without him

[this-should-do]

write the alyx essays 👁️

okay sorry for htis taking liek literal months to get to im insane and frightful, anyways so alyx and guilt and frankly like most of my perception of her and her place in teh world as part of hte last generation, obvs under the cut cuz this shit is so fucking long

so alyx grew up watching the adults, especially eli her parent, constantly stressed, even if they try to cover it up or act less scared in certain ways for her, they simply cant. not only becuz there is no way for a parent to hide those worries completely in a time and place such as living under the combine, but also children are extrodinarily good at picking up their parents and care takers emotions. So alyx is no matter what going to be watching eli and co under chronic stress and anxiety and thats going to rub off on her because how could it not. and shes also going to be stressed on her own terms because she as a kid is not stupid and can see the horrible things that are going ot happen around her and to her. Whether she spends a majority of her childhood is in the outlands or in the cities.

And this type of anxiety affects children (and adults) immensely. And shes bound to feel helpless and guilty becuase she cant help, shes a child. And thats going to follow her as she gets older.

When we know her, shes incredibly competant and compassionate. She cares about the people around her and tries her best to help. We see her go to hell and back to save her dad four times. And she goes even further in hla to get who she thinks is gordon in order to help the world. We also see how fast she grows fond of gordon and russell, and while in terms of writing its so tht the player will grow attached to her (and russell when we play as alyx), in universe i think its a combo of what both gordon and russell do for her and just how quickly she can grow attached to people around her. Shes incredidly warm and affectionate to those around her, showing physical affection on multiple occasions. And I feel like this could be part of a way she copes with the harshness of the world around her and the constant loss she would be experiencing, shell love harder and easier to ensure that she has a family around her and makes sure that the family she does have knows that she loves them becuase they could disappear at any time. (and as a side note i feel like this is a common sight ot see among the last generation, and another common sight is seeing people disconnecting from teh world around them so that they cant lose anything since they never had anyone to begin with. ofc there are going to be a spectrum of coping, but i can easily see these as being two sides of a spectrum of coping)

so i think the guilt that alyx is gong to feel is going to be made tenfold when eli becomes the face and leader of the resistance because there is going to be at least some form of weight on her shoulders to continue that and live up to his image and to continue what he started should he die. Becuase why wouldnt she want to? Someone would have to so why not her. And theres also the continued guilt of eli continually being under stress, so shes going to work herself to the bone to ensure that he has less to worry about, and that hes well. And we see this in practice where she dotes on him in ep2 and immediately goes to get tea for him when he asks.

We also see her guilt when she cant help in ep2 as well when shes still recovering from dying. she shouldnt have to feel like that, and while it would be a normal reaction perhaps to not being able to help when you normally could, but i feel like its another symptom of her feeling the need to constantly be helpful to others and to make things easier forthose around her and to help stop teh combine becuase if she doesnt then the combine will win and people will die.

We see this in ep1 that she will continue to search for people others think are dead when shes looking for gordon. Shes probably been searching for at least the rest of the evening til morning since the end of hl2, even when eli is certain that she wont find gordon, but she does anyway. and the relief when she sees gordon is immense she immediately hugs him. It s a perfect example of how easily attached she gets to people and how intensely she feels to need to help and save people.

so i think alyx is outwardly compassionate and caring 90% of the time not despite how deeply stressed and guilty shes bound to feel seeing sucha horrible world and only knowign that world not only becuz she is that kind of person but also becuase of her stress adn guilt. She uses those horrible feelings to fuel her compassion as best she can compulsively, she cant rest on her laurrels with those feelings when she could be making the world better, even if its detrimental to her own well being at times. She cares a lot and even when she feels scared or upset she tries to power through it to make the situation easier for those around her so that she might feel less guilty for letting others suffer. and i feel like at least some small degree of this principal is shown in how absolutely insane (positive) she is when shes riding shotgun, she whoops and hollers as if shes having the time of her life being chased by a hunter chopper. And in some way i think she tries to cope as well with the stress by having fun, we see her do this as well in hla with russell where when shes stressed she tries to focus on someting funny or nice, at least in downtime when it wouldnt be distracting to the player. shes porbably scared out of her mind just as much as any person but shes also tryign to have fun and i feel like thats a similar externalization of negative feelings being transformed into positive feelings both for her own and others benefit as her being guilty and stressed by helping others.

anyways this has been long and rambly, but i just really think alyx has spent a life time feeling scared and stressed and helpless while watching those around ehr feel the same. and then she internalized it and felt guilt that she couldnt help and has over her life time has externalized those feelings and tried to make them feel better by loving and helping in anyway she can becuase that is someting she can do

[arleniansdoodles]

Seeing as you are the reason i and im sure many others got into sifu i will he holding you accountable by forcing you to give any and all of your thoughts on sifu (specifically the dynamic between Sean, Mc, and Yang) (only if u want tho)

You dont understand i thrive on insane fandom conversations it pains me that there is basically none of that surrounding Sifu

Hahahaa duly noted, anon! If I’m indeed the reason for getting some more people into Sifu, then it’s an honour! XD And no worries at all, I too enjoy the fandom convos and rambling about headcanons; the Sifu fandom’s been pretty lonely in that regard 😅 So I shall proceed to hand over my Sifu headcanons!! Also, there may be some spoilers for my Sifu fic, but it’s mostly just a summary of the backstory stuff loll And this also got pretty long, so I’ve put most of it under a read-more tag 😉

The dynamic between Yang, MC, and Sean is my absolute favourite to think about! Starting with Yang – I headcanon that he was orphaned at a young age after losing his family to illness (which kickstarts his fear of losing loved ones). Sifu finds Yang and takes him in, and raises him (as does MC’s mother, Simou). It’s kinda like a Shang-Chi scenario: Sifu teaches Yang more of the fighting stuff while Simou teaches him the calmer things, like tai chi and qi gong.

I imagine he would’ve met Sean early on, and the two become fast friends in a “we’re both awkward, lonely runts who have trouble making friends” sort of way XD As a child, Sean wanted strength to defeat bullies, which inadvertently led to him defending those who are “weak” (which gets twisted as he gets older, as we see in the game). Sean defends Yang, and Yang looks out for him, and they become an inseparable duo! 

When Yang falls in love and marries his wife, I think Sean would feel kinda jealous because he still struggles with his own love life; but more than that, Yang is his best friend, so he’s worried about them drifting apart. But even bigger is MC being born! Since Yang had a lack of affection/security as a kid (and was later taught by the affectionate Simou), he immediately “clicks” with MC and dives into taking care of her as a big brother figure. To him, the title is more than just being a fellow Kung-Fu student. He wants to be like an actual brother to MC and make sure she never feels abandoned or unloved by anyone. I think, next to Sifu and Simou, he develops the strongest emotional bond with MC out of everyone.

I also headcanon MC’s name is Yin, hence the connection between her and Yang XD But that’s a whole other ramble of headcanons 😆

I should also mention that I imagine Simou (MC's mother) dies when MC is still a baby, which adds to Yang's trauma of losing loved ones to illness. Thus, he's always hypervigilant whenever MC gets sick 😢

Anyways, MC is closest with Yang while growing up, and she’s his favourite student when it comes to Kung-Fu. I think MC would’ve been scared of Sean at first; he doesn’t like kids or hanging around them, but Yang says she can trust Sean. So, in order to push them together, I put MC and Sean through a Big Event that helped shift their impressions of each other, which led to their developing bond 😂 But I think part of what pushes MC to spend more time with Sean is that Yang gets busy with his own family, his wife and new daughter, etc.

With Sean and MC, I’d call it a sunshine-grumpy dynamic? Sean doesn’t like kids, but he does grow to love MC as his sister. With his life being full of chaos, danger, and unstable relationships, she’s the only one with feelings that remain constant. And in MC’s pov, Sean is someone who protects her and keeps her safe no matter how many dangerous situations they might accidentally get into (because Sean’s a fighter in the illegal fight club XD). I think MC also helps Sean feel like he’s still needed, y’know? She depends on him when Yang isn’t around, and he wants to do the right thing, but he feels like he can’t be a good enough brother, so there’s a whole bunch of angst to swim through there 😂

And those are the basics of what I have for Yang, MC, and Sean! I could undoubtedly go into paragraphs upon paragraphs about each of them, and detail all my thoughts about their backstory and how it leads up to / affects their dynamics in the game, but I think I should stop here since this is getting pretty long loll But I’d definitely love to chat about some other headcanons – I got some feels about Sifu, Sean’s father, and Jinfeng, for example 👀 And how MC’s parents meet, and all that XD

Thank you so much for sending me your ask, anon! And if you read this far, thanks again!! 😁 I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts as much as I enjoyed writing them! 💗💗

[cyberdragoninfinity]

giving you dennis for the ask meme if you havent gotten him already. gotta get that daily dose of poodle

:) thank you tam i would love to talk about him.

Why I like them/why I don’t: god. Guy Who Burrowed Into My Brain So Fucking Bad. Help Me. i love this jackass. he's a fucking LOSER!!! HE SUCKS!!! i LOVE that dennis is a spineless pathetic liar and massive coward and an unhinged asshole more times than once!! type of guy who's just masks all the way down and i KNOW his identity issues are fucking lethal back there. his dub voice is an absolutely top 10 favorite for me!! he is one of the BIGGEST war criminals in yugioh to the point that he had to spend his duel links event apologizing to the rest of the cast!!! HE KILLED HIMSELF IN FRONT OF A CRUISE SHIP FULL OF PEOPLE. AND HE TALKS LIKE THAT. AND ACTS LIKE THAT. HIS GUILT IS GOING TO EAT HIM ALIVE. REBLOG TO MAKE IT EAT HIM FASTER.

also if we're always talkin about like. jesse and yugi and joey's dock duel as yugioh's gayest moments and characters we need dennis on that list right fucking now. borderline canon gay character to me he is so deliberately gay coded to like. 1930s Hayes Code Movie Degrees. fucking insane. slash pos.

What I like about their appearance: it is so fucking stupid. <3 the like??!?! jacket + vest combo in polymerization colors??!? his little purple bow that's matchies with yuri for some reason???? HIS STUPIDASS HAIR THAT LOOKS LIKE EASTER FAKE CRINKLE GRASS?? RIDICULOUS CHARACTER DESIGN. SLASH POS. CARROT BIT ME.... AGAIN.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names? cannot believe he came like that (named dennis.) i think i like 'macfield' a smidge more than mcfield though. dawg why you got two always sunny characters in your name.

OTP: siiiiiiiighssss through my teeth. i will not. be beating the Losing the Yaoi War allegations. dennis/yuri truthism blowing my entire brain up this summer and fall and Now. as if it's my fault dennis's duel links lines for yuri Sound Like That. i know they had a little gay thing only the way toxic codependent middle schoolers can have. yuri's convo with dennis in DL might make me insane. sorry in advance.

NOTP: obviously i cant make people Not ship something but whenever i see dennis shipped with a girl im just a little bit like. are you sure about that. are we sure. 🌈

OT3: i actually dont think i really have a 3+ ship for dennis. born 2 be monogamous i guess. i dont think he could handle having multiple partners i feel like he'd date them separately and be too skittish to break up with one of them and then it blows up in his face. lol

Favourite card they use: ive grown very fond of Performage Trapeze Magician after using it in DL for months now.... Flame Eater is also Really sillycute

i also. do like chaos ancient gear giant and its big fucked up dog pauldrons. dennis and his hunting hounds…okaaaayyyy

Favourite moment they were in: GODDDD IT'S SO FUCKING HARD TO PICK JUST ONE. I NEED TO MAKE A DENNIS DUB COMPILATION SO BAD. EVERY TIME HE'S ON SCREEN IS A TREAT FOR ME i think i have to go with his duel with gong in synchro. i love his dynamic with gong i wish we got more of it.

Least favourite moment: i Like the dennis/yuya duel (it's like. one of the few things i actually like about that 8 episode final stretch from hell) but i gotta say i dont know how great i feel about having dennis become the dueltaining teacher to all these kids who got war displaced effectively due to. uh. his actions. yugioh i dont know about that one.

Something I associate with them:

i dont want to talk about it.

[agendratum]

You and sugarbabywenkexing/katherine finally gave me the push to start watching advance bravely with that one batshit insane chapter....and

Somehow i did not expect this to start with kickboxing, wtf is happening? Who cast gong jun as scrawny kickboxing twink? All these gifs never gave any indication there would be boxing involved im so confused.... this feels like taking drugs already and i havent even started?!?????

oh asdsjaldsaldk

well, you see. the deal is. the problem is. the

the

the fucking kickboxing is completely irrelevant. it will never come up ever again. it does not matter. it wants you to think that it matters, but it does not. it will pretend, at some moments, that kickboxing is almost relevant again. but the truth is, my sweet summer child, that kickboxing is a lie

[seoafin]

hello everyone i am NOT dead!!! i am so sorry for ignoring all your kindhearted and amazing messages so here is a small (not really) completely random rambling update on me and this blog

italian food is good but the lack of actual asian food here is driving me insane. there is no rice. i went to the supermarket to buy rice. it was risotto rice.

traveling is a slay i've gone to so many places in europe and italy and i really say to hate it but i absolutely adored london even though im still not sure whether or not british people are faking their accent. it sounds so fake. i went to the shakesphere globe and managed to catch a play but i wish i could've watched six too!!! also watched black panther 2 in london and it was phenomenal. top 3 marvel movies. food in london was also phenomenal but that's because i had nothing but asian food. the boba was HORRIBLE. i think it was bad luck but the 3 times i got boba it just tasted horrible like idk how gong cha and truedan could do me like this i still feel betrayed

very much looking forward to going back to the states where i can get amazing asian food. italy is beautiful but way too small. i cannot wait to go back to uni in the states and never have to see another face i don't want to ever again!!! study abroad in italy has made me so grateful i go to uni in a big city thank god i did not go to one of the seven sister schools

i have been reading so much since coming here. i've been also going back to some of my childhood favorites like ella enchanted and poison study. i also went back to one of my favorite childhood series gregor the overlander and it devastated me so much i was unable to function for a full three days after i finished the last book. suzanne collins packs such a heavy punch in her writing i still cannot believe gto is a children's series 😭😭 it is so devastating and so fucked up the fact that it got published is insane. will probably die on the hill that it is better than animorphs.

i am trying to write but i think not writing for the last couple of months has made my writing brain shrivel because every sentence i write does not sound Good and makes me Cringe. i am trying to get back into the flow of writing by writing a little everyday but it is not looking good 😭 i am also trying to get my dash more active by following more ppl (mainly writers) but i am shy and picky and too content with the people i do follow 😫 i do have some ppl i wanna follow in mind i've just never followed...if that makes sense. say it makes sense.

i think the jjk inspo will return when jjk s2 comes out but for rn i think i do wanna complete that teru fic for nothing more than the sole reason of finishing it LOL

as for the jjk manga.....i still have not completely caught up but some of the stuff i've seen is....incheresting.

that being said, i have seen the new chapters of hxh and im so obsessed with the fact that we're getting chrollo's backstory guess togashi decided it was finally time😭

ohhhh right i watched the eagerly anticipated 1899 and it did NOT disappoint highly recommend it's on netflix. dark was better but dark was fantastic so anything that comes even remotely close can be considered amazing.

[tahyal]

I’m slightly relieved this is a collective theme, I’ve been feeling like I’m “running out of time” and that thing’s are “ending” all year and it’s brought me so much anguish and despair, I’ve been paralyzed! Breaking up with my ex husband, who is the best man I’ve met, and helped me heal so much, only made my feeling of not being capable of keeping up and being left behind grow.

I want to go in a completely diferente direction then everyone currently in my life but it feels so weird. I don’t know what I’m doing and I feel so guilty for seemingly going insane. I physically couldn’t continue living the life I was and now I’m just isolated from everything and lost about who I want to be and where I want to go :(

Do you have any advice for someone who’s starting over and doesn’t know what they want? I only know how to hear the “this is not what we want” voice inside, but still haven’t cultivated the “this!!!! Go after this!!” Voice

Don’t despair love ♥️, I promise you every ending is the precursor to a beautiful new trajectory.

The best way to « find your way » is to first of all clear all the chatter (inside) that isn’t you : take social media breaks, sit with yourself and write down the things that you like / don’t like and see which ones actually stem from within vs the ones that were ingrained. Journal everyday, move your body (I find that qi gong, yoga, and swimming really help when it comes to processing emotions), and nourish yourself well.

I know I always recommend her but please listen or read Florence Scovel Shinn’s books, they’re absolutely life changing. Highly urge you to listen to Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz as well, they’re all free on youtube. Your thoughts and emotions have such an immense impact on your life experience, I learned this the hard way. So managing them and re-directing them when necessary is truly the key to living an harmonious and balanced life. What you cultivate within is ultimately what you will encounter outside of yourself, inner alchemy is the ultimate « life hack », and is I believe what all religions teach at their core.

This is not an easy journey, but you will be so proud of yourself in the end, and you’ll see that everything was actually working out for your good. I have this very firm belief that whatever leaves my life does so to make space for something better, and every time I get proven right.

Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process, and keep believing that everything is aligning for you. Im sending you lots of love 💞

[spaceskam]

Anyway, an insanely long post of what I would do differently with Plus and Minus:

I would have their conflict revolve around Zeshou's inherent insecurity when it comes to romantic relationships. He sees so many divorces, and now he sees how heartbroken his father is as his mother dies and realizes that he and Ligong are either going to break up or one of them is going to die and both of those are awful options. So maybe he starts acting a little weird, closing up a little, pulling away a bit, emotionally trying (and failing) to distance himself because that pain just does not look fun and he wants to be ready for it.

And Ligong notices, initially thinks it's grief and leftover sadness from his father. Maybe Ligong DOES go speak to Zeshou's dad, but instead of saying he's going to break up with him, he firmly says he's NOT going to but that they didn't do anything wrong and losing someone he loves should put into perspective that he shouldn't push his son away. And maybe we still have a similar conversation of him accepting them and Zeshou, only they're still together when this happens and so it should feel even more exciting. But Zeshou is still seeming distant and maybe Ligong tries to talk to him about it, actually trying to communicate. These two fuckers are lawyers and best friends, you really don't think they'd want to pry? But Zeshou doesn't budge, Ligong is still worried.

We can still have Zeshou getting drunk, only Nikita is there to talk to him too rather than throwing a drink in his face. They're friends. Friends help. And maybe while talking Nikita realizes she also needs to do something about her own feelings (Can we please just have Nikita be into Amy for fucks sake instead of whatever that was) and they both just encourage each other to talk to their person. Life is short, yes, but why not just enjoy the moment? Why miss out on things just for fear of what might happen? Be ballsy with it. Maybe even a loud, semi comedic scene of "IM GONNA GO TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND" "AND IM GONNA GO TALK TO THE GIRL I LIKE" "JIAYOU" cue both of them throwing back drinks and Yuki being slightly concerned in the background

Zeshou goes to Ligong's house, still drunk, laying against the door and yelling his name. The door opens and Zeshou falls in and Ligong catches him, Zeshou giggling against his chest. This is all too familiar to Ligong. To many times over the years of Zeshou drunken and being outward with his desire for affection. Only this time it's different because this time Ligong has had plenty of experience with it when he's sober. So he scolds him lightly for yelling in the middle of the night, but he's smiling as he closes the door and leads him to the couch because he missed seeing him smile and missed him relying on him in some way. Ligong wants to take care of him, that was the main point of the stupid choice the show made, so show it this way. Of Ligong, you know, ACTUALLY taking care of him.

"Fu Ligong! Fu Ligong, did you know everyone dies?" And he's drunk and Ligong is starting to get a bit worried by the weird mix of his words with the smile on his face "and not only that, but there are a billion variables! A billion. So many things could happen, we see them every day, so many things, Ligong. Xiao-gong. My xiao-gong. That's not a variable, that's the constant, right? That what it's called."

Ligong suggests they go to bed and talk in the morning and starts to pull him off the couch. He smells bad, but sheets can be washed and showers can be had in the morning. Zeshou keeps talking.

"everyone dies, that's also a constant. Or maybe that's the efficient? Fu Ligong, I'm so bad at math, did you know?" "I know" "anyway the variables can be ANYTHING. We could get married or get a dog or i could piss off more powerful guys with bats or you could get a job offer somewhere in a different country and we'd have to be apart, all of these things do things and change things. All of them! Even food! What's that movie, Fu Ligong, the one where every decision you make changes every single thing, even breakfast?" "I'm sure there's a couple with that concept" "yes but the one with the guy–ah, Fu Ligong, you're so handsome. I keep forgetting to tell you. But I'm living in the moment now and in the moment I think my Fu Ligong is so handsome" And Fu Ligong is smiling but he ignores him as he gets him out of his suit "were you not living in the moment before?" "No! That's what I want to talk about" "I think we should talk in the morning" "no! Fu Ligong," and he pulls his arm, a parallel to the first episode, Fu Ligong falling on top of him and getting a kiss that ends in Zeshou laughing, only this time he doesn't try to get off and Zeshou is holding him there "Fu Ligong is my constant. I don't want to be afraid of things anymore."

And Fu Ligong has so many questions, but he doesn't ask right now, he just pets his head and kisses his face and tells him he'll protect him, soft and promising and Zeshou smiles like he just won the lottery, like that was the answer to all of his questions. And he says he loves him, a little too loud for the time of night and without consideration of their neighbors, and Fu Ligong covers his mouth but he's smiling too and he says he loves him too. And they get in bed to go to sleep

And then in the morning they talk about it. Ligong talks more than usual, asks questions he's usually too nervous to ask. Why were you pulling away, was I making you uncomfortable, was I moving too fast? Zeshou says a more coherent version of what he'd said the night before–that Fu Ligong is his constant and he wants it to remain that way no matter what life throws at him and that he'll try to be more honest when he starts to get scared of what the future might bring. Because it's them. It's always been them. It'll always be them.

Then we get the rest of the final episode of them just being stupid in love about it, like we should.