#i feel like i'm just fucking. Doomed to have to explain every single one of my actions and emotions but like. even then people won't believe

[estcaligo]

Problematic post, dark content, if you don't like dark topics - skip this

I have this absolutely masochistic desire to read a series of fics with each twst character, theme: rejection. + upd:some general headcanons

Reader conferences to them and they reject prefect's feelings. 100% angst, no comfort, some disturbing warnings too.

Specifically I want to see :

Hanahaki with Sebek. He wants to be with you but can't because duties. OR he doesn't even want to, he's 100% focused on duties and you're a nuance, go disappear, useless dirt. (I have 10000+ sad scenarios for Sebek...)

Humiliation, degradation, bodyshaming with Vil aka "Have you even seen yourself? What was going on in that ugly head of yours that you could even consider such possibility? No, don't touch me with those ugly fingers."

"You're not a match for me" with Leona.

"Very funny. But I AM a prince after all. What can you offer me? Are you an important ally? A monarch from any country? Maybe you're a valuable business partner? No? Didn't think so. Now move, you're blocking the sun."

"We belong to different worlds" with Malleus. Everything here screams doomed romance. Your life is so short - it's like a second for him. He's a prince, the heir to the throne, a powerful fae, the mighty dragon and one of the strongest mages in the world. And you? You're a grain of sand in his life. Useless, bleak, weak grain of sand.

Manipulation and gaslighting and even enslaving with Azul. Manipulating you into dating, making you fall for him and then sign a bunch of horrible contracts. The contents of those contracts? Trust me, you don't want to know....he makes you do horrible things. Disgusting things. Truly sorry for you.

Public humiliation and playing with your feelings - Ace.

"I was just messin' with ya. Did ya think we were a thing? Are you that naïve or actually stupid? Nah why r u crying rn. It's not my fault you're so fucking stupid lol"

Ghosting with Idia. It was clear from the start - it wasn't going to go well. You're too different… No, it's him who doesn't deserve you. You tried to make it work, but… Idia just can't communicate well. And you're kind of tired of it, too. At first, you did try to reach out, you asked him to talk about it… but he just kept ghosting you. Not a single word to explain why he doesn't want to see you anymore. It's unfair. It hurts.

Jack? Your presence makes him uncomfortable. You just irritate him. You're so unserious. everything is a joke to you.

"Even now you're joking, right?" he said when you tried to confess to him. "I will never think of you as my partner. You're not a match for a wolf. Not with that attitude. I bet you can't even imagine what a lifelong partner means." He didn't mean to be rude, just clear. But it hurts, because you truly love him. And yet, he will never even look at you that way. The best decision would be to never see him again.

Lilia is mischievous, everyone knows that. But you didn't think he would do this to you. Play with your feelings just like that. All that occasional teasing, random hair stroking, small kisses on the cheek… he made your heart flutter every time. But when you decided to confess?

"Fufu, young people are so hopeless these days. Sorry, little bat. I'm not interested."

Not interested. That’s what he said. After doing all this to you. Luring you in and then breaking your heart like it was nothing.

Spoiler: it leads to suicide and not Lilia's.

not rejection, just some headcanons

Floyd - Kinda dating but with much much physical abuse. Domestic violence. Rape too. You're bruised 24/7 in those relationship. Consent? Never heart of it. He's touching you where he wants, when he wants. Your opinion doesn't matter. Say a word and he'll break your ribs again. You're so annoying, jeez. You were supposed to be fun, why're you nagging all the time...Blood suits you now, dear.

Jade - Oh, he he was so charming at the beginning. And by charming I mean fucking mind games, but it was so captivating and you just couldn't resist his charm and by charm I mean manipulation. In the end - makes you his test subject. He kills you and grows mushrooms on your corpse. Scary but eco friendly!

Rook - It started with stalking. He followed you everywhere, he "occasionally" stumbled upon you in every corridor. You constantly felt someone's gaze wherever you went. Eventually, he confessed, but you made the mistake of rejecting him.

"Sorry, Rook, I think Cupid's arrow missed this time" you tried to joke. Too bad.

"He might miss sometimes, but I don't."

Yes, he shoots you because "if you don't want to become 'us,' there will be no 'you' at all."

[feroluce]

I have been informed by a mutual aid that you are a henghill enjoyer. You've single-handedly gotten me to care about Gepard and I would love to hear your thoughts on Cowborg Menace x Dragon That Can't Catch a Break

Aaaaaaaa I'm really flattered!! I have also been informed by a mutual aid that you have good taste (read: rvb enjoyer) and I need you to know that part of the reason I treat Gepard the way I do, like messing with him constantly, is because he makes me think of Wash. Poor dude was doomed the moment I got my grubby little mitts on him sksjkskdjd

But anyway yes, henghill! They really got me by the throat out of nowhere in 2.2. They're just. Surprisingly sweet?

The two of them get along very well, they see eye to eye on a lot of matters and have some similar mannerisms, they can hold long conversations together, and they have a shockingly swift understanding of the other in a very small amount of time! Platonically or romantically, there's a lot to dig into there. ♡

And I do mean a lot this basically ended up becoming a big long ship manifesto I'm so sorry zmjzznkdjd

Like first of all they're both fucking nerds over each other. Boothill's adoration for the Xianzhou alliance is already well-documented in his About Dan Heng voice line, and is appropriately pointed out in the fandom as sounding gay as all hell.

We know what you are, Boothill.

But then! He further cements it by trying to use Xianzhou sayings in front of Dan Heng haha

Not only that, but Boothill was able to recognize the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath for what it was like immediately, and instantly took it as proof of Dan Heng's identity as a Nameless. The validation of the Xianzhou is clearly a huge deal to him.

And Dan Heng plays it cool but like. I don't think he's actually much better JFKLASJDKL

The in-game Data Bank, which is supposed to be written and maintained by Dan Heng himself, has a pretty positive glowing review of the Galaxy Rangers.

And I feel the need to point out that like. The Galaxy Rangers are essentially a vigilante justice group..."group" being a pretty loose term, there isn't a whole lot of organization in there. Not everyone has a very good view of them because they're outlaws and there's a pretty wide and wild variety of individuals in the mix there, Boothill even confirms it as such.

And that archive entry is a hilariously stark contrast to the one for the Masked Fools, who Dan Heng does NOT seem to respect. So you can tell he puts a lot of his own opinion into the data and you can really see where his preferences lie KFDLAJFKLD

He does let his fanboy slip when Boothill first announces himself as a Galaxy Ranger though, just a little bit haha:

They're like the equivalent of when your favorite big name fandom person follows you back, you feel me fjkdjasflkdjskal

Which. I feel like it does make sense that he would really idolize the Galaxy Rangers and see them as heroes. Dan Heng is someone who was a victim of centuries of wrongful imprisonment and political power plays, and it would have been way worse had Jing Yuan not gone above the preceptors to protect him. He is someone that the system failed, and horrifically so. Of course he would like the idea of righteous heroes who stand for justice and travel the cosmos freely to help people.

And as @hydrachea, CEO of Dan Heng Enterprises and Super Genius with Giant Wrinkly Brain pointed out, this background DOES lay the foundation for Dan Heng to relate to Boothill a lot. You see this displayed beautifully in his Keeping Up With Star Rail video, where Dan Heng gets really protective of him, I adored it so so much. ♡

In it, Dan Heng not only comments that he originally came because he thought he was giving a presentation on how to be friendly with Boothill, but every time the IPC tries to paint him as some violent dangerous ruthless criminal, Dan Heng speaks up to explain his way of thinking and to defend him. It was really sweet!

And Dan Heng is protective of people anyway. He serves as the Guard of the Astral Express for a reason. He had nothing and no one before Himeko took him in, and now that he's found companions to love he is viciously defensive of them. You see it in the way he guards March 7th during fights on Jarilo-IV, in how he goes out of his way to bring important info to the trailblazer, in how he left the safety of the Express and infiltrated the Luofu because he was terrified he was going to lose them. But there's maybe a little extra layer of Understanding in the way he so persistently speaks up in Boothill's defense.

And I'm sure that this is a part of him that Boothill really admires, too, because Dan Heng also displays these instincts in Penacony. He makes the decision not just once, but twice, to use the Jade Abacus to save the Express Crew. And we know from Boothill's earlier reaction to it that like. The Jade Abacus is a Big Fuckin' Deal. It is something of immense value. Even with everything that's at stake, Boothill urges him to really make sure he wants to use it.

And this was something that really got me in the heart later, because! In Ena's Dream, Dan Heng once again decides to use the Jade Abacus, and. I'm not quite sure I can effectively put it in words, but there is something just so so sweet in the way that Boothill tells him no, Dan Heng should keep it. This is a get out of jail free card that could save his life down the line, he wants him to have it in case he finds himself in danger again later.

It really gives the feeling that Boothill actually wanted Dan Heng to not have to rely on this before, but there was no other way at the time. But now there IS something Boothill can do about it, and he wants to do something about it. A sorta-kinda "let me protect you this time"-ish feeling. If that makes any sense. He doesn't want Dan Heng to have to make that sacrifice.

Because I think Boothill would consider that a really admirable and respectable action, especially given his background. The IPC eradicated his homeplanet. He lost his parents, his siblings, his daughter, his home all in one fell swoop, and he has been on a fully dedicated revenge quest ever since. How could he not be a little awed by someone willing to give so much to protect his home and his family?

I think it's something the two of them understand in each other, because as it shows in the dialogue the first time Dan Heng decided to use the Jade Abacus, Boothill caught on immediately. He already knew what Dan Heng was planning before he even said so. And it's not even the first time he does that! Even as early as their initial entrance into the Reverie, Boothill is able to tell when Dan Heng is stressed, why he's stressed, and he backs off and gives him space without any fuss.

And it works! After the Express Crew are safe, they go from Dan Heng correcting him to more just kind of going with Boothill's flow, and I feel like this is a much better basis for their interactions.

Also I'm crying about Dan Heng blabbing that the trailblazer is a vessel of a Stellaron, gossipy little dragon fjdkasjfdklsaj

Like the two of them just GET each other! And so quickly and easily! It's ridiculous! Dan Heng is able to explain the methods behind Boothill's madness. Boothill is able to read Dan Heng like a book. They both had the same reaction to learning Acheron was a Self-Annihilator. They both really believe it's just fine and normal to have a weapon out if you don't trust someone yet- Boothill pulled his gun on Acheron the second he saw her, Dan Heng got his spear out and poked Sampo the first time he met him (valid). And they both act Like That because they're similar flavors of wary and cautious. They had to prove their identities to each other when they first met before either of them could relax.

They're both frank, and blunt, and will openly call shit out or question it when they see fit. They both believe in answering the call to action, and share a lot of their ideologies of The Hunt, like upholding justice and saving the innocent and protecting the weak. Boothill lives to fuck over the IPC and keep them from colonizing more planets like his, Dan Heng didn't even consider his own wants and asked to go to Edo Star to help the population there. They take their creeds seriously, and dedicate themselves to them, enough to be offended by imposters. Dan Heng dislikes Boothill claiming to be a Nameless, Boothill was literally hunting down Acheron for parading around as a Galaxy Ranger.

And all throughout 2.2, Boothill displays an immense knowledge of Paths and Aeons and even Emanators, and Dan Heng is a huge nerd an archiver and a collector of knowledge. The conversations these two could have!! They've both been to a lot of places and seen a lot of things, and I think Dan Heng especially would love listening to Boothill's stories and then adding them to the data bank. They can probably relate on rough travel, too- Boothill refers to the Astral Express as "bunkin' in luxury" and Pom-Pom once said Dan Heng was "used to sleeping on the rope." When March 7th takes the trailblazer to look for Dan Heng, she even phrases this as though he and Boothill have been talking together for quite a while!

Hell, even when they awaken in Ena's Dream, they arrive together:

They were together for almost the entirety of 2.2; literally the very first scene of it was their introduction. They only truly separated when Dan Heng went to help in the fight with The Great Septimus and Boothill to gather the Rangers (and then go shoot Aventurine full of holes fjkdlsajd) but! I'm really hoping we'll get to see more of them together in 2.3! They were a really cool duo, and it was so fun to watch them all through this update, I really want to see more of them now and explore their relationship dynamic more! ♡

[amarayys]

EPISODE 13 CHP 2 DRDT SPOILERS.

so. WHAT THE FUCK. Levi has basically no empathy confirmed. He wants to be liked but he doesn't understand what caring about others is like. Ace tells levi to die. Lmao. Also he's so suspicious +He mentions the only person who he ever trusted. WHO NOW??? Eden and Arei doomed yuri. We get Arei and David flashback. Arei's cg looks like sora from sdra2s final cg btw thats just a random thought i had. Arei you can't do this to me. She really said "I'm a piece of shit but so is David so let's fix eachother" AUHSVGDHBJFKL Okay. EDEN. WHAT THE FUCK. EDEN. NOBODY SAW THIS COMING. I WAS SO CONVINCED IT WAS TERUKO BUT IG NOT??? Eden took Xander's eye out. So. Eden's probably a traitor, though it's probably not voluntary - we see her crying as she holds the bloody fork. I'm sorry, but with this, I think Eden culprit and Levi accomplice theory is over. I just don't think it works. Also how in the fuck does Arei know about that. my girl eden getting character development real david lying cause he thinks hes tough shit teruko DEFENDING LEVI??? YALL???? SHES PROJECTING HOW SHE FELT IN CHP 1 ONTO LEVI AND DEFENDING HIM I HATE HER /pos DAVID SNEEZING SPRITE LMAO. okay so all secrets are revealed. Teruko is either lying or mistaken about her secret, cause the look David gives her after it CANNOT be innocent. this does tell us something though - the family one applies to teruko, if shes not lying on purpose. but...what??? Who does family refer to? It cant be her parents, she never knew them. And she barely remembers her brother. Maybe it's the others at the orphanage, or her friends? Also, she feels survivors guilt apparently and wished she died with whoever family is. Somebody give my girl Teruko a break. EVERYONE SMOKES TERUKO FOR NOT KNOWING WTF THE SPINNY THING IS. Fandom cheers as Teruko finally stops getting interrupted and explains the murder method. WHIT AS A DOG HAD ME CACKLING I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. We see that Teruko's drawing isn't much better than her handwriting (which we get more samples of btw!!!!!!!) Nico's gonna have to explain the murder... maybe the theory that Nico was framed by / helped someone is true, but idk. Teruko's interrogating the shit out of them. So. Culprit? I think realistically, the best options for the culprit are Ace, Rose, and Whit. Maybe Hu, Veronika or Nico if you squint REALLY hard but I doubt it. I think Ace is SUPER suspicious, half because vibes and half because david calling his ass out here

Rose definetly has potential to be the culprit, but idk. im tired leave me alone. WHIT. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING YOUVE SAID THIS TRIAL IS SO SUSPICIOUS. YOUVE BEEN THROWING BLAME ONTO LEVI CONSTANTLY. U KNOW ABOUT HANGING SPECIFICS FOR SOME REASON. UR SO SUSPICIOUS UR NOT SUSPICOUS ok thats it unrelated to this post, i made a doc of my live reactions to stuff and here are some things i wrote that i thought were funny

I am tired but this episode was SO good. I'll probably make a more in dept theory/post on it tmr lmao its 1:36 am.

[fangface-xena]

dnd5e!yellowjackets HC

Since the last post about this ended up getting over like 5 notes I decided to actually flesh this out somewhat properly. To the incredibly niche group of people who will actually be interested in this, please let me know your thoughts!

Shauna: Soulknife Rogue + Path of Wild Magic Barbarian multiclass

I feel like there could be an argument for Bard with her writing but I feel like the whole brooding, tortured personality really lends itself to the rogue stereotype. Plus, how could we forget Mrs. ‘it’s just like riding a really gross fucked-up bike’... She's 100% proficient with finesse blade weapons. Charisma dumpstat queen! I also know in my heart of hearts she HAS to have some levels in Barbarian after the whole Lottie thing. No spoilers but "As folk of deep feeling, barbarians are especially susceptible to these wild influences, with some barbarians being transformed by the magic." (Barbarian: Path of Wild Magic, TCoE) tell me this isn't literally about her and Bard!Jackie's influence?

Jackie: College of Glamour Bard

College of Glamour has Jackie written ALL over it. Jackie who got picked to be captain because of her influence? Bet. Every single ability in this class sounds like it was written with this bitch in mind. 'weave a song of fey magic that imbues your allies with vigor and speed', 'charge your performance with seductive, fey magic', 'makes others want to serve you', 'makes you look more lovely and fierce', like bro come on. She'd be out on a quest serving face and giving little speeches like she did for Allie, throwing Bardic Inspirations left right and centre (especially at Shauna).

Lottie: Circle of the Shepherd Druid + Order Domain Cleric multiclass

I feel like this is such a clear cut one that I barely need to explain myself. I definitely think Lottie's a Druid as her main class, with some levels in Cleric and not the other way around. I don't think she set out to be a messiah of the wilderness, she was literally just a girl listening to the trees and kind of fell into it as the others started following her lead. Lottie's connection to the Wilderness and her willingness to lead the other girls towards its worshipping (Laura Lee style lmao) is so Shepherd coded lmfao. I was on the fence between Order, Tempest and Nature (basic and boring) for the Cleric subclass but I truly think Lottie's worshipping of the Wilderness comes from a place of following what she perceives as the natural order of things i.e. 'he doesn't belong to her', letting the cards pick who Snackie 2.0 is, 'It wants us to'... need I go on?

Natalie: Hunter Conclave Ranger if we're being basic / Gloom Stalker (Doom Stalker!) Ranger if we're being spicy

Okay so I am still undecided on this one and thoughts/opinions are so welcome. So, Natalie is definitely a Ranger, not just for the whole gun thing but because she's the literal embodiment of survival, even before they ever got stranded. Similarly to Bard!Jackie, I truly believe all ranger abilities apply so well to Natalie's character, especially if you think about her "outcast" status in school. Hunter is the most obvious subclass choice because she is quite literally the group's main hunter, but I feel like Gloom Stalker fits her present day character so well.

Taissa: Fiend Patron (?) Warlock + College of Eloquence Bard multiclass

Tai might be a lawyer-state senator girlboss, but she is haunted by a strange alter ego and a dude with no eyes FIRST! I definitely think her weird fugue self is her patron, but I'm not sure how that would translate into an actual subclass so I'll just stick with Fiend for now (Dirt Fiend!Tai my beloved). Besides being a grade A dirt eater, she's also got at least 3 levels in Bard for the College of Eloquence subclass since that's like textbook lawyer/politician. Unlike Natalie, I think her '96 self fits the multiclass aspect well and it definitely would still apply in school and then in the Wilderness.

Van: Oath of Devotion Paladin

Now, when I wrote this down in my notes app I did have it written as 'Paladin (OATH! OF! DEVOTION!!!!)' for a reason. This bitch is a ride or die (or get mauled by wolves) to her core. There are so many reasons why Paladin fits Van so well! Firstly, I think we can easily draw parallels with her goalkeeper position in football (fuck saying soccer). Her buying into Lottie's Wilderness cult stuff also heavily matches the Paladin schtick, but I think we can trace it back all the way to her relationship with Tai. Even before she embraces the Wilderness worshipping, she's so incredibly devoted to Tai that she risks dying just to go support her girlfriend in her mission to find help.

Misty: School of Illusion Wizard

Misty was a tricky one to figure out but I definitely thought it had to be a spell casting class. Despite her leg-chopping, cliff-pushing, stew-spiking antics, I don't think Misty would fit a melee or a more physical class very well. Out of all the casters, I think Wizard suits Misty the most because I do think everything Misty has, she's had to build herself. She had to learn how to adapt, whether that be socially (autistic queen) or practically (she'll learn any skill just to be useful an needed), in order to fit in in a way that the other girls just do. This aligns incredibly well with how Wizards don't have innate magical abilities, but do have an incredibly large pool of knowledge that they can gather. I was actually split between School of Enchantment or Illusion for the longest time, because I can see both of them applying to Misty to some degree. In the end, I went with school of Illusion because I don't think she is necessarily as charming and the Enchantment subclass suggests, given how off-putting she comes across even in the present timeline and to people who didn't know her weird, psycho little self in school. Instead, I feel like her ability to manipulate people comes from her fabricating situations and bending reality to match her wants and needs. Destroying the black-box, getting a nursing degree, being a goddamn citizen detective, are all ways that Misty has found to create the illusion that she's useful, needed, innocent, normal.

Some of these are way longer than others (also it's like 3 am and I have had my bodyweight in sangria tonight so idek if they're coherent) but I hope it's still an interesting read. I'm definitely up for discussing anything a bit further with anyone who actually cares enough to read this lmfao.

I've also decided to spend my Christmas holiday designing custom, Yellowjackets inspired character sheets for each of these bitches despite knowing fuck all about graphic design software so I might post those eventually.

[paragonrobits]

there's been some real drama with that Youtuber I Hate and a youtuber whom i have come to greatly respect and honestly its been a delight seeing that youtuber i dont like going full circle on 'fuck around and find out' and apparently rapid-fire switching between constantly crying about being victimized and being a vicious and hateful person to apparently EVERYONE who interacts with her (follower or not) and it's a real case of a kind of internet personality i find exhausting but its made me realize a few things:

one is she apparently considers superhero comics an inherently Bad genre without artistic value (a bold statement coming from someone whose big media opinons are 'the entirety of Japan are man-children who do sex crimes' and 'i'm going to hate on these cartoons for not turning into a murder frenzy at the last second'). i'd say she's clearly never read Magneto's story arc under Claremont, or anything to do with the Morrison run on Doom Patrol (its artistic, demented, filled with coming to terms with horrific trauma, your own depersonalization, and also the primary antagonist is literal nonsense) or the famous story God Loves Man Kills but i ain't holding my breath

the second thing is that apparently she's under the belief that once you have been victimized, it excuses all your actions. This lines up with some common elements i've seen in fandom, especially those who fixate on villlains as the True Heroes, similar to some of my other thoughts on how people seem to tihnk a compelling/tragic origin justifies anything the character does. This is the mentality of completely divorcing a character's moral place in a narrative from their actions, and instead based on their victimhood. It really explains the whole idea i keep seeing there, and its something to address in my story concepts.

Third thing is more important, more profound. Its hard for me to articulate WHY people like this bother me so much; that they're so unrelentingly unpleasant, cruel to everyone around them, and even similar attitudes of people who are just casually rude. Even if there's no harm meant, you can just... not talk like that. You don't have to be mean with every single word you say, and you can resist the urge to turn every exchange or observation into an opportunity to sound like a smart ass; that's how you get stuff after James Earl Jones dies, you post pictures of Mufasa's death and then fail to understand why people are upset by you immediately making a joke about an inoffensive, much beloved voice actor who never did anything to you.

So i think about how to describe this... or perhaps how to AVOID this. How to talk and act in ways that's softer and doesn't hurt people for a quick joke or jibe, or acts like they can't understand why its wrong. And then I remember the game Undertale, where in the Pacifist route (the only route I've ever played), Sans will warmly tell a player who has actively refused to ever kill or hurt a single monster by saying that 'it just means you kept tenderness in your heart', and i think that's a good way to do it.

Just keep some tenderness in your heart. Let yourself be open and be gentle as much as you can. A thing that is tender ache when it hurts something or hits something pretty much at all, so its important to keep that tenderness so you DON'T hurt others too.

The world is sad and unpleasant enough as it is. You don't need to make things worse just so you can feel better about yourself.

[afurtivecake]

The first thing about Riko that explains the kind of person he is is that he's a Moriyama.

You know how Jean has that, "I am a Moreau. This is what I'm for," internal monologue he uses to persuade himself that everything that has happened to him has happened for a reason? To me, Riko has basically the same thing, except his internal monologue says, "I'm a Moriyama. I was born to rule," which he uses to justify everything he does and everything he goes through.

He's been taught from the beginning that being a Moriyama MEANS something. Moriyamas are without equal, born to command respect and rule over man. They wield all that power and so they have certain responsibilities. The biggest responsibility they have is the loyalty and behaviour of those beneath them. It's their responsibility to make sure their subordinates understand their power and know their place.

Riko sees it in how the main family acts and he sees it in how Tetsuji treats Evermore and the Ravens as his personal domain to rule over with absolute power. But the only thing Riko has to rule over is the court, so long as he plays. The only thing Tetsuji allows him to have control over is playing exy. So it's not enough that he be just and exy star; he has to be the best. He has to be unquestionably at the top of the sport and he has to make sure that no one ever even thinks they can threaten his position. That's the only way he can come close to the Moriyama ideal within the tiny puddle he's been given to rule over.

Tetsuji has all of Evermore and every single Raven, Riko included, bow down to him using a combination of brutality, fear and psychological tactics. to exert complete control over them. It's not just his right to do that; it's his responsibility as a Moriyama to solidify his control over his subordinates. Riko, Kevin and Jean have it drilled into them that is their duty to discipline the people they are responsible for and to make sure they know their place.

I imagine Tetsuji impressing upon Riko while he was growing up that, because he is a Moriyama and because Kevin is his responsibility, it's his duty to keep Kevin in line and to punish him when necessary. He might even have harangued Riko about how if Kevin falls behind or steps out of line, it's his fault for being lazy and ineffective with his discipline. (And then he'd beat them both to drive home the message and to show Riko 'how it's really done'.) If he can't even control a single child, how can he consider himself a Moriyama.

As for how he is to gain that control and obedience, well, that's where Riko lucks out in a way. The methods he's learned from his uncle examples are physical and psychological violence and it just so happens that those methods align well with his natural sadistic inclinations. (I mean, I assume it's his natural inclination though it's hard to tell. Heap enough trauma onto someone for long enough and it becomes hard to differentiate which parts of them are caused by trauma and which parts are their personality. I say this because sadism doesn't automatically doom a person to violence.)

So essentially you have a situation where 1) Riko feels he has to prove he is a Moriyama, 2) beating Kevin and Jean into submission is part of what being a Moriyama is about, and 3) it just so happens that hurting people is in his wheelhouse, and is really fun and personally satisfying for him.

Makes for a pretty fucked up person already. But actually, it's not as if Tetsuji went out of his way to make Riko like that. As far as Tetsuji was concerned, all Riko needed to know was how to play exy and how not to be a complete embarrassment for him in front of the main family. He brought Riko up with the Moriyama values he knew. Being a person, an actual human being, just wasn't anywhere on the list of requirements Tetsuji had for him.

You know how Jean has moments where he thinks, "if I'm not a Raven, who am I?" Well, to Riko, if he isn't a Moriyama, then what is he? Riko HAS to be a Moriyama because there is no other option for him. If he isn't a Moriyama, then he is nothing and nobody, with nothing to live for.

[pochapal]

I shall tempt fate!

Thoughts on the thirteenth doctor?

I didn’t like the era much but 13 is awesome imo ^^

[approximately 1 trillion turrets taking aim] okay SO the thing with 13 is that everyone who watched her and hated her was a needless redditbrained loser who didn't understand a thing. yes she was kind of mid in the end BUT not for a single reason any of her detractors like to espouse.

she was on track for a very good slow burn tragic arc of over-correcting twelve's flaws (he got too attached and this burned him over and over and over again) where in her attempts to protect her companions from the same doomed fate as every previous human to enter the tardis she ends up not showing how she really feels at all until it's too late for it to count because whether or not she's attached or distant all humans die in the end and to travel with the doctor is to in part indulge in a death drive because by nature of being a companion it means eventually you are going to collide face first with tragedy. all the pieces for this are there very much in her first two seasons and this reading even explains why the finales were kind of lacking oomph (her distancing in attachment also extended to Being The Doctor on some level; this could have compounded with all the latent Gender stuff real nicely but didn't) since it was kind of all building to one core tragic break.

this likely would have happened in her third season but then covid kind of destroyed production and obviously every ambition/plan had to be downscaled into flux which was like. fine??? nothing really bad to say about it other than it feels a touch truncated but that was mostly due to pandemic filming restrictions than anything else (and will never be as terrible as the parts of the moffat era which suffered extensively as a result of sherlock existing and taking up the lead writers/producers time and effort). only issue with it was that it shifted tone/direction in a way that kept all of 13's era on this same flat note right at the moment when this naturally should have been shifted up a gear for the third act.

unironically in an ideal world we got a full length third season for thirteen and the one thing that needed to happen was yaz dying. like i liked yaz and everything but girlie needed to die so badly in some episode and for her to die thinking that the doctor never actually cared about her, forcing thirteen to realize becoming disattached doesn't prevent tragedy from happening it just deprives her of love. continuing this ideal scenario the next beat that needed to happen was thirteen absolutely fucking snapping as yaz's death serves as the catalyst for all the other billion emotions she's been pointedly Not Feeling in this incarnation - this in turn would allow us to see shades of the rogue doctor or whatever her name was (renegade doctor? fugitive doctor? exile doctor?) and create an interesting interplay between the two. this'd then lead to an "Oh Fuck I Have Really Fucked Up At Being The Doctor Huh" moment where she starts aggressively Being The Doctor (maybe strongarming dan into being a companion semi against his wishes to fill the void?) and maybe fucking with her own history/reputation or w/e which might've fed into the timeless child mystery thing somehow (don't ask me i'm spitballing on half-remembered information). also identity crisis heartbroken thirteen at the end of her life reaching back into herself and re-using ten's face as a kind of "second chance" at all the parts of herself that ten embodied and she didn't (the absolute love for companions and humanity) where the tension is now whether or not fourteen ignores the literal centuries of history separating himself from the last time he wore this face and that feeding into the new rtd era.

even a small number of these things would have made thirteen probably one of the best doctors in the series in all the metrics that really matter but we didn't get that so we have to contend with what we do have and that was mostly just...okay. thirteen for me is like. she was brimming with potential to go down a certain route i would have eaten up but things never quite fell into place. probably a whole bunch of reasons behind the scenes why thirteen's era fell short of total greatness but i still enjoyed good chunks of thirteen more than certain doctors who i can and will name (doctor eleven they could never make me like you) so she has that going for her at least. also can't be fully mad at the writing because i actually have an unjustified soft spot for chibnall (this is my biases talking but the countrycide episode of torchwood top 1 piece of doctor who media and i'm so mad he didn't lean back into the folk horror aesthetic again for the witch trials episode in thirteen's run) and overall thirteen's era was just. it was consistent. i really wish covid hadn't fucked over the final season so the nascent themes in her arc could've come to a more satisfying fruition because i will always be a forever truther thirteen's era was slow-building up to something really good. the haters will never convince me otherwise.

[signalhill-if]

I'm averse to including any customization options that either don't contribute to the overall experience of the story/worldbuilding or restrict the player's imagination unnecessarily. I consider colour options to be both of those, at least in this game. So no

not the same anon, but im genuinely really curious as to why you think this. I think it's a really interesting perspective. i was wondering if you could perhaps expand on this. 👀 /g

i hope it doesn't come off as rude, im genuinely interested to know more about your perspective on this,only if you feel comfortable doing so ofc, if not feel free to ignore this ask. 😅

I am always open to rambling about my game design philosophy anon 😌

I am of the opinion that every single choice you make in game design must serve the game in some specific, defensible way. If it isn't serving the game, it's bloat, and it needs to be excised. The number one thing that kills a project (especially in indie) is feature creep, so for me, being conservative with game design is extremely important. This is also going to probably be in my portfolio, meaning it's especially important to show a future employer that I know how to manage a project like this, since at the kind of indie studio I want to work at people tend to wear a lot of hats.

The number one example I can give you of feature creep to explain why it's so deadly is Yandere Simulator. Funny game concept, terrible execution. Why? Feature creep. Also the dev is a creep. But primarily feature creep. The game had a whole slew of clubs you could join, a full menu of dozens of easter eggs, a bunch of carefully crafted events with placeholder characters... He was so busy implementing random crap and then fixing all the bugs he introduced that he did not implement the first rival, the purpose of the game, for like 8 years.

What the fuck does that mean? It means if you let the project get bloated, you let it get fucking bad. There is no fixing Yandere Simulator now. Those decisions have doomed it.

Tight game design, on the other hand, feels great. This is why I love Apocalypse World so much. Everything is deeply intentional and extremely tight. That kind of tight, focused game design is what I'm trying to aim for here. Everything must serve the game.

With that in mind, how about I show you how Apocalypse World handles character customization? Here's the Skinner playbook:

Mwah. Beautiful. They show you only enough to clue you in on who your character might be- showy, expressive, troubled, lush. These are playbook specific, meaning a different character will have a different array of options. It's minimalist, it's focused, and it has no fluff.

It's easy to think about character creation as "just what you need to do before the game starts," but that's a misunderstanding. Character creation is the first impression a player gets of your world and its rules. And just like you want to present yourself well in your job interview, you want to present your game well in the "am I going to bother playing this" interview.

The approach I've chosen is meant to mirror that anti-bloat philosophy. What I want to tell players is that this game is gonna be stylish, a little more mechanically involved than what they're used to, but importantly, tight as fuck. So choosing the options wisely and removing bloat means getting that message across. Colour is bloat. The game will never reference your character's skin or hair or eye colour, because that's just not really how I write. It doesn't contribute to the worldbuilding, and the player will naturally decide those things themselves regardless of whether I give them the option. So it's gotta be cut.

Does that mean this approach should apply to everything? No. You've gotta make sure it fits your game. For example, for another game technically inspired by Apocalypse World (twice removed haha), @zorlok-if does this incredibly well. It has an absolutely bonkers amount of customization, a real maximalist approach that makes a huge impact when you start up the game- it makes you feel like a kid in a candy store. And it works great, because it matches the feel of the game.

All of this is a long way of saying that you've got to be intentional with every aspect of your game design, even the ones that don't feel like they matter much.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

I cannot shake off the fear that the Velgearians' deaths are permanent

Studio Bridge doesn't have a precedent for deaths the way Gallop did. The closest thing we had to temporary deaths in Bridge was the characters being turned to ice in the Great King of Terror arc and that arc had a heavy emphasis on trying to save the ones who'd been trapped in ice. This Velgearians' death arc though? I don't think the idea of bringing back the Velgearians who've died has graced even a single character's lips yet. It still could in the last few episodes to be fair but so far, it's all about preventing more deaths which at this point, let's be real, is all of one death: Yudias. But if anything, the opposite of saving the Velgearians has come up in the most recent episode:

These lines in particular really fuck me up. Because on the one hand, I see the reasoning: life shouldn't be eternal and we all have to accept death eventually. But on the other hand, the Velgearians have entire goddamn galaxies in them! Look at this dialogue from episode 89 when Kuaidul explains why he's dying:

Is he saying that the Andromeda Galaxy ITSELF is dying here?! Because that's how it reads to me! We know Yudias has to survive since he's on the season 3 poster and, if my logic with Kuaidul is correct, Yudias's galaxy is the Milky Way and you can't exactly kill that galaxy off and still have a world.

My point here though is that if this logic is correct, then it's not just Velgearians who are dying: it's all life in the galaxies inside of them across the vast universe which humans haven't explored more than a tiny piece of that are dying. More lives than we could ever feasibly comprehend or know are having their lives snuffed out swiftly and prematurely. This goes far beyond just the quote on quote "artificial lives" of the Velgearians. I know the end of all life in the universe is an eventual inevitability and can be considered "just nature" but the way it's been presented in Go Rush with all these fantasy elements, like the reason the Velgearians existing in the first place being the actions of one individual, prevents me from seeing it as "just nature" as Zwijo is apparently claiming.

The Creator, from what we know so far at least, has honestly done something sinister and horrific by molding parts of the universe itself and stuffing them into what we know now are mortal, albeit long-living, beings whose lives are flickering out and by extension, seemingly ending the lives inside their galaxies suddenly, pre-maturely and, in my eyes despite Go Rush claiming otherwise, unnaturally.

How much of this the writers intended I have no clue but the more I think about the implications, the more horrified I feel. And I'm not sure what's worse: if the writers did fully think all this through and are permanently killing the Velgearians knowing all this or they didn't think it through and they've just dug a massive hole for themselves.

But why do I think these deaths are permanent in the first place? After all, Yugioh and shounen in general is no stranger to temporary deaths and bringing back characters through whatever means necessary because they want to write dramatic deaths and sacrifices but need to keep the characters around in some form to advertise their cards.

Well, I've seen every Yugioh series twice each and here's every non-evil (or at least not fully evil) duelist character who permanently died. Apologies if I miss a few:

Atem (Freed his spirit by going to the afterlife in the very last episode.)

Daitokuji (Died a villain and a traitor but lingered as a ghost who acted as a guide to Judai at times.)

Roman and Goodwin (Villains who at one point, wanted to do the right thing and were "lead astray." Chose to stay in the afterlife.)

Paradox, Bruno, Aporia, Z-One (Villains whose ultimate motive was trying to prevent a doomed future and in the cases of Bruno, and Z-One (and debatably Aporia), ultimately sacrificed themselves for Yusei to save the future.)

Yuto, Yugo, Yuri, Serena, Rin, and Ruri (Died and became part of Yuya and Yuzu as spirits.)

Haru and Bohman (Honestly just pawns of the pure evil Lightning but believed in their cause to the very end. Were reunited in the afterlife I believe?)

Earth, Windy, Flame, Aqua (Gave up the last of their energy to Ai, permanently killing them. Should be noted that that Flame and Aqua never used their own decks, instead giving them to characters who did live so their cards were still advertised.)

Roboppi (The consciousness that made him who he was permanently dead and gone forever due to being unnaturally given free will.)

So uh... there's some overlap with these deaths and the Velgearian deaths that have occurred in Go Rush so far, particularly the ones who died and didn't come back as ghosts. The VRAINS deaths especially are the most egregious to me since all the temporary deaths (excluding Ai) were human and every single one of the permanent deaths were AIs. They were all an "artificial intelligence". I know these shows were produced by different studios but VRAINS killing all "artificial life" then one of the subsequent shows describing lives that are currently dying in troves as "artificial" is unsettling, especially since VRAINS isn't even an outlier. Fully evil or not, most of the permanent deaths in Gallop Yugioh (that didn't come back as ghosts like the Yu boys/bracelet girls and Daitokuji), were either non human (ie: the AIs in VRAINS) or "gave up their humanity" as part of their evil, like the Stars of Iliaster putting their consciousness inside "artificial" android bodies to extend their lives and carry out their evil.

The way I see it, Go Rush's latest episode claimed that since the Velgearians' lives are eternal and artificial, keeping them alive would be "unnatural" and thus they should accept their deaths. And honestly, in the context of Velgearians, most of whom don't even know that their lives are "artificial," is just horrifying and messed up.

So I hope my aimless overthinking speculation here is wrong. I hope they aren't all permanently dead because it would be a miserable end to their stories. The only thing in my mind that makes me question my own reasoning is not knowing when the Go Rush writers knew for sure they were getting a third season, as I doubt they would've killed all the Velgearians knowing that could've been the final note of their show since the target demographic of the show is still children. Still, I don't know when in production they knew they were getting that third season so again I just can't be sure...

[stoportotouch]

26 and 30 for The Terror 🐻‍❄️

heehoo thank you! (gonna do these for terror's lieutenants, excepting jopson, because i'm Thinking About Them.)

26. when do you think they were being 'themselves' the most?

with little i honestly think it's during whole whole "crozier's alcoholism reaches its breaking point" Chunk of the narrative. it's quite an obvious one because it's the most Unadulterated we really see him but the combination of "i hope jopson bites it off some day" and "i can't truly begrudge him. even now i cannot be properly angry with this man." is... really quite powerful.

hodgson, again something of an obvious one, but the catholic aunt monologue. in particular right at the end -- "i'm hungry and i want to live". he says he isn't a brave man but like... Yes, In The Context Of History And The Setting, He Kind Of Is. because even at this point after he's reached what would be viewed societally as The Depths Of Cowardice (abandoned his men and joined up with the known munineers and then done cannibalism)... he still desperately WANTS to live and return home. and considering that franklin got the "man who ate his own shoes" moniker for far less if any of the crew had survived and returned they would be essentially doomed to some kind of half-life.

irving is like. i'm not entirely sure actually. i feel like his last scene before he dies, where he's trying so hard to communicate with the inuit family. and he tries "i'm part of the navy we're on an expedition", and that doesn't work. obviously. buuuuuut then when he says his name and koveyook gets that, and he has this like. dawning look of "ah. my identity. that thing that i have somewhat had to forget for the past [amount of time]." and then hickey murders him.

30. the funniest scene they had?

little unfortuantely only gets to experience misery so i am struggling somewhat to call one to mind. generally he is merely in the background of somebody else doing something amusing bringing the mood down. ALTHOUGH. editing this to say that his immediate response to irving getting A Sudden Attack Of The Sads just before jopson gets promoted being "well. better grab his thigh under the table." is quite funny. and irving then just looking at him like, "i mean... not in public???"

hodgson... has that kind of "was an autistic kid who said things that he intended just as A Statement but that people found funny" energy about him. i can't explain him and his One Single Social Skill better than that. but to name a specific moment, this low-res picture of him waving at hickey. HI HODGSON.

irving... i'm kind of torn between literally every time he is forced to acknowledge that hickey and billy are fucking and his Fun Little Gay Sex Song. and hickey's probably completely correct assumption that irving won't report them because he would have to Invisage Gay Sex, with the clear implication of "...and he would realise that he liked imagining it >:^)".

[mystictyrantcollective]

Mind is fucked. Absolutely fucked.

And I'm exhausted. On so many levels.

I will not apologize for my feelings or expressing those feelings to you. And neither should you.

I will not apologize or feel bad for not knowing things and asking questions. Just bc it's something you know the ins and outs of doesn't mean it's easy. There have been plenty of things I have happily walked you through and explained to you and offered to help you with that I have experience in and would do it all again with no problem. Think about how you would feel if I turned around during those moments and had the attitude that you do with me at times or said to you I hate having to explain things to you. Which is paraphrasing what you tell me all the time. Appreciate you expressing your feelings, and you feeling how you feel, just asking you to think about how you'd feel if I said something like that to you about a topic you're trying to learn that you're not familiar with and trying not to screw up. Probably would make you feel dumb and inadequate is my guess. Then I read and research bc you tell me you aren't a good teacher, and what I read seems to be different than how you operate adding a whole other layer of frustration.

That comment we talked about was suspect AF. You tell me you don't even comment on things and then there's a damn invite to start a convo!?! Come on!!! You KNOW how I don't like to be caught off guard. Not to mention that there is absolutely no mention of us, our, we in that group that I saw when you told me to search your activity. Ya, there is overlap, like you said, but honestly I think it makes it look worse. You're not helping yourself on trying to shed any bad rep you think is out there. You look coupled up in other platforms but come off single in that one w your activity. You ever think that comes off like that to other people and it seems off?? And this is based off what I've seen other people do. When there's a Dms open comment, there is usually a tag of the SO, or a pic of the couple inserted into the comment is what I usually see from couples, from what I see from the singles is what you did. It's bullshit and you know it.

If this is supposed to be a fun thing for US and WE are a TEAM all I'm asking is that you act like it. Fucking communcate. I really don't think it's that big a deal. If I've learned anything in life you need to communicate w your SO the good the bad and the ugly or the relationship is doomed to fail. And If you don't want to be part of an us or a we that's a different Convo, but that's why I asked if you want this to actually work bc I swear every so often it's like you intentionally do stuff to piss me off to see what I'll do. But that could be me and my fucked up baggage so it's gray area for me. But going back to how this post originally started, I will not apologize for being new, anxious, and working through things a d having questions. If this is something you truly want me to be a part of then do the damn work. Do you know how weird it is to be OK w you rately giving compliments in person (you have been better) but then seeing you have no issue doing it online?? Again, put yourself in my shoes. Imagine if I rarely give you compliments but you go online and see me dishing them out? Think about it. Also some of them are a turn off for me bc they seem too thirsty. But that's just me being weird I guess.

Do what you say and say what you mean. You told me a long time ago that you would never tell me 100% of the truth 100% of the time. In that moment of our relationship that was acceptable, and I thought now that we are more serious I could disregsrd, but I'm putting it out there that now it's absolutely not acceptable, so I can always say I expressed this to you. No more surprises. No more. I've had enough surprises and being caught off guard for an entire lifetime at this point. I can't deal w anymore. That's part of my fucked up ness.

Oh and so we are on the same page this is totally me selfishly bitching at you bc I would like to actually get some fucking sleep.

Like, comment, post whatever. Seems to be something you need to do to be happy which I'm all for. But fucking communicate w me. Act like we belong to each other. Why is it so hard??? Is it really that big of an ask??? If it is why ???

This will be the last time I bring up anything like this. Going forward just do whatever you want to do taking this into consideration bc you're not the only one tired of having similar convos like this. I'm done talking about it.

And none of this is meant in any way to come off like I think I'm better than you. Just for you to read, digest and think about bc I will not talk about anything written here ever again unless it's a convo initiated by you. I'm done with it.

Xo

[buckbytes]

Resource Management F*cking Sucks

You'll have to excuse the sloppy writing but you have to understand, dear reader, that this post comes from a place of deep hatred. Let me explain.

Now I play games for the same reason I believe most people do, which is to enjoy themselves; even if that involves frantically running about an abandoned insane asylum being chased by unimaginable horrors. But the one consistency that has continued to annoy the hell out of me across seemingly every genre is resource management.

Of course I understand why it's such an integral part of so many developer's game design. After all, I don't think so many horror games would be nearly as terrifying if the player was granted an unlimited number of big 'fuck-off' grenades as they liked to ward off The Big Bad, but still, so many games seem to utilise this feature wrong, or they make it a chore to maintain to the point that the player is put off by the actually fun parts of the game.

I highly doubt any player's favourite aspect of any game is the fact that they have to constantly scrounge for supplies because the only reason we do this is so that we can be adequately prepared for, y'know, the actually fun parts like shooting or breaking stuff or even just having the tools to mess with an intuitive open world (BOTW/TOTK especially).

So you can see that my absolute hatred for this topic comes from those many moments when you'll be deeply immersed in perhaps a combat scenario where you're fighting off dozens off enemies using the many weapons that the game has, up til now, freely let you experiment with, only to force you along a much more linear and dull line of just using whatever basic weapons the enemies around you drop. This is why I love Doom Eternal's balance between combat and resource management, it gives you the full ability to use whichever weapons you feel best with while also having some enemies be weaker to particular choices, and the only downside is when the carnage has to die down a little so you can chainsaw a single enemy who (for some reason) drops all the ammo you may need so that you can almost seamlessly delve back into the dopamine factory that is its combat.

Compare this to so many more games like those that lean much more into horror. For example, I recently replayed my way through Alan Wake Remastered, and although I was thoroughly engrossed in so many aspects of it, there were a couple odd moments when I realised that I simply wasn't having fun because I was seemingly forced into just running through segments of levels due to my complete lack of resources to fight back. It didn't feel like I was surviving a close call, more like I had just cheated the game. Admittedly this could be chalked up to me playing on a slightly increased difficulty level (yes that's a boast bc I'm a pro gamer), but shouldn't you always at least be able to win, instead of slowly being dragged into a losing state because you chose to use one too many of whatever feature was freely at your disposal a moment ago?

Lastly, I just want to have one final rant about cozy games, because even they can irritate me with this. They're not exactly fast-paced games which is why I tend to play them, to slow down and unwind, but I feel like that gets ruined slightly when that one thing you need is on the other side of town because 'you weren't watching your supplies', and the game punishes you with a long, snail's-pace walk across a beautifully crafted town that you can't even explore right now because the shop closes at 5. I've nothing more to add to this bit, I just wanted to talk about Stardew Valley. :)

[mammalsofaction]

This post makes very good and strong points, but I disagree with the idea of a sisyphean unchange, and Perry's impact into the rolling boulder of his life. I think previous poster had accidentally fallen into the same trap pit Doof's parents and enemies had made: they had underestimated him. I'll first correct some assumptions before answering his themes and motifs.

Heinz isn't stupid or stubborn. He's not doomed to fail. He does grow. He's just deeply, deeply unlucky.

And Perry's role in his life is not an incidental milestone. Perry is inevitable.

The previous post carries on the assumption that Heinz had always wanted to become an evil scientist. This is untrue. At the course of the show that happens, canonically, all within one summer, Heinz is 48, and he has only spent, what? Five years as an evil scientist? He wasn't always a scientist: we have various backstories explaining his various exploits. He spent most of his life prior finding himself; he's been a bratwurst vendor, an artist, and a carnie. He's learned martial arts, he's travelled across europe. He's married, and had a daughter. And to say he's learned nothing from all these life experiences diminishes the man as we know today; someone brilliant, inexplicably charming, surprisingly confident if awkward, but bitter, petty with some very, very deep hurts.

Another thing we need to acknowledge is, and this has been proven time and time again, in various alternate timelines and dimensions, is that Heinz is at his core, not a good person.

No kind, sensible person wants to be an evil scientist. And to be frank? Heinz is good at it. He doesn't like people. He likes being petty. He likes torment, and power, and he revels in frustration and melancholy and anger. He LIKES it. You don't believe me? There's an alternate timeline out there where Candace stops Perry from thwarting Heinz, and Heinz takes over the entirety of the Tri-State Area in THREE. FUCKING. MONTHS. That's ALL he needed. At which point, his tyranny had been so total, so untoppable that there is not a single successful point of revolution that could stop him. He grows old as an emperor. There had been no children. His tyranny was back breaking, and cruel. People weren't allowed to have their own fucking names.

He LOVED it. In fact, he thought himself as being really nice, actually.

And if Heinz had never endured abuse as a child at all? We have a whole movie about that. It's called Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension.

I'm led to conclude that truthfully, the reason Heinz is so unlucky is because the universe deemed it so. A lucky Heinz could tackle world domination as soon as he hits his twenties if he wanted, and it would NOT be pretty.

And Perry? Perry would simply always find Heinz, in every lifetime, in any dimension. In every one, he is Heinz's most devout supporter, be that friend or foe, whichever that Heinz (and what the universe deems is) needed. In this dimension, however, it is to hammer in the point of Heinz's arc across the summer, that winds back the theme of his character.

The point of Heinz Doofenshmirtz is to tell you, actually, being nice is really really fucking hard.

That's it. That's the theme. Because it IS SO MUCH EASIER to be evil. Sometimes it is so much more JUSTIFIED to be evil. Sometimes it's what you're born to be. Sometimes it feels like the world REALLY REALLY WANTS you to be evil by making you most miserable unlucky man on the planet every time you TRY to do nice.

The point is to BE NICE ANYWAY.

And that, at the end of the day, to realize that being nice and kind and good is innate in every human being no matter fucking what. No matter your successes and failures; with love, kindness and support, ANYONE can be good, and it IS rewarding. It IS worth it.

So there you fucking go. That's his theme and motif

now class, what are doofenshmirtz's themes and motifs as a character? discuss

[jellogram]

I think it's common especially for women with ADHD to first be diagnosed with anxiety but what I had a hard time explaining to them was that yes, my brain does spiral about worrying topics, but it does that for everything. Like I kept saying that my brain was like a runaway train and wouldn't shut up and that I had no control over it and they kept giving me anti-anxiety meds. I kept telling them that the anti-anxiety meds I was already taking were fine and I wasn't anxious but my brain just wouldn't stop, and no one understood what I was trying to say until I demanded to be given a proper ADHD test and shocker, I had big time ADHD.

Like I'm well familiar with the doom spiral, don't get me wrong, but that's not how I feel most of the time. It's like my brain is going super fast but it's going nowhere. It's running through a rolodex of every thought a human is capable of having and it's doing it very loudly. I can't sleep because my brain is planning a trip to Sweden that I have no intention of taking. I can't focus on my work because I remembering every single time I've ever seen a chicken onscreen in a movie. I would literally cry in the middle of the night because my brain wouldn't shut the fuck up, and the whole time I was upset it was STILL fucking going about some dumbass shit.

And that was hard to explain. They saw my history of anxiety and went yep, she's just freaking the fuck out all the time, sedate her. Everyone assumed that when I said "I can't control my brain" that that meant I was worrying all the time and needed to stop it, when in fact I had been trying to control an angry tiger with a leash made of dental floss for over two decades.

[haechurch]

heart for two

pairing: bf!jaemin x fem!reader

warnings: explicit sexual content, smut, fluff at the end

summary: you're in love with both jeno and jaemin

wc: 3.9k+

this is embarrassing and idk what am i doing im sorry bcs this was truly absurd lol okay bye <3 just for fun ·ᴗ·

Your feelings are overlapping. You were supposed to be with lee jeno; only if he had the damn courage to confess to you a long time ago. But here you are, dating someone from your friends' set up blind date on your sophomore year that happened a year ago.

Just when jeno realized his feelings for you were mutual, you are already in a relationship with na jaemin, which also turned out that he's an acquaintance of jeno. And the bad news is, your conscience still wanted jeno to reciprocate your little feelings for him even though you have jaemin by your side, and you start to feel guilty, because you really do love jaemin.

You feel bad for him when sometimes you think about jeno and his cowardly ass; how you can do a lot of things with him just like what you did with jaemin. While jaemin, oh, he indulged you so much every time on every single day that it only makes your guilt just built so much higher in state you're getting confused by your own feelings, whether you did this just to forget jeno in the first place (which your heart's final decision is that the willing to date jaemin was purely because you really like him), or just staying by jaemin's side for both of your relationship sake along with this desire on not to hurt his feelings, or even worst, losing him.

But then he finally confessed. You and jaemin were dating not long ago when jeno finally said he likes you. And from that moment, you really thought that you're doomed.

Jaemin is the best boyfriend you've ever had. He's the ideal type of boyfriend that every woman's parents would love for him to be their son in law. He's kind, smart, handsome, basically perfect, and most important of all, a whole husband material.

Everyone can tell that he's ready for it albeit his young age. And the problem is, since he is a very loving person, such a heartwarming human being, you don't want to break his heart from any sort of iniquity. You just love jaemin too much to leave him for someone like jeno (he's too late for this), but at the same time, you gotta admit that you want him in the way you yourself can’t explain how you wanted him to be.

You fuck with jaemin an hour ago, now you two are lying on his bed, naked, and covered with a thick duvet of his. You lay on your stomach while your arms crossed, being a pillow for your head. Jaemin is full of thought when he stares blankly on the ceiling, you can tell. After all, you two are lovers.

"Tell me what's on your mind." You scoot closer and hug his waist while resting your cheek on his bare torso. He let out a chuckle, "tell me what's on yours." A comfortable silence fulfill the room.

You want to tell jaemin.

Want to tell him, that when jeno confessed his feelings couple of days ago, you two were ended up fucking from the unspoken truth and emotions that overwhelm from the both of you. You know you have no excuses for what you've done and it’s just unacceptable regardless.

You have to tell him.

You have to tell jaemin that no one can really stop you from the feelings you've been fighting to this whole time. That you love both men with all of your heart. It's like jeno is from the past and jaemin is there to complete the present; the timeline, and you can't live without them for the rest of your life. You can't live without your past, and you can't live without what you believe is your future, because they are what makes you until right now.

But how?

Just how?

You say nothing, pretty much lost in your own thoughts and so jaemin break the silence.

"Y/n." Jaemin called. "I think i know what's on your mind. You don't have to mind it, since i'm okay with it."

"What are you talking about?" You frown, getting up on your elbow.

"Jeno told me." Your heart already sank at his confession. "He told me that you guys were.." jaemin saw that you freaked out, tears starting to pool in your eyes and you shook your head in disbelief. He shush you before he continue. Even at this fucking irksome circumstance he always putting you first. You should've been ashamed of yourself. And you are, you are, but at this point, you seem like you're already losing your conscience and couldn't care less about shit anymore. That you can't think about anything else but fucked up and have failed this relationship; with jaemin, with jeno.

You don't know what to do, you just keep crying your eyes out like a toddler losing their mom in the crowd while jaemin comforts you, hugging you in his arms. You hate how warm he is. How he has always been.

"Jaemin, i'm so sorry, i don't know what to say- i- you have every right to hate me, just-" before you can continue your ramblings, jaemin silence you with a kiss. As the kiss goes on, it turns out to be more passionate, more harsh that you can feel your opponent is rather frustrated.

It's unfortunate that jaemin also seems to have failed to set his feelings aside, alas, he's madly in love with you.

Jaemin nip at your bottom lip, making you moan. He devour your lips until it got swollen, and you can feel heat scorching between your bodies. He started to trail kisses on your neck, giving your throat a nice love bites at the surface. His hands tightened, wrapping your body close to his as he continue to nibbling at your earlobe and whispering filthy words you don't expect someone like na jaemin to say,

“Fucking whore. Sleeping around with your lover's so called friend when you were supposed to be mine. Mine and mine only."

You felt like choking at his words. You should be ashamed of yourself for being turned on at this side of jaemin right now. And unfortunately, that didn't go unnoticed by him.

Jaemin felt your body tremble in excitement. He started to play with your nipples, flicking the bud with his tongue ever so slightly, making you shiver and craving for more.

He then sucked hardly at one swell, his free hand pinching the others. You arched your body, which just makes him go lower to your stomach and ignoring your neediness to be touched on both breasts, trailing open mouthed kisses and licks along your torso until his face is eye level with your pussy.

His mouth hovering over your cunt, you can feel his warm breath against your throbbing heat, and being a tease he is, jaemin graze the tip of his tongue at your folds with another ever so slightly touch which he knows that it's driving you crazy.

You buck your hips but he's backing away, strong hands pinning you down so you won't move. You whine in frustration and he sneers to his liking.

Another tears running down your cheeks, jaemin give you a look and wiped your tears away with his tongue. "My angel's crying? Why is that?" He taunt you.

"Please... jaemin, please.." you can't think anymore, it feels like your brain turned into mush, you don't even know what you are pleading for nor realizing that you're pleading.

"Ha... do.. do something.." your voice shaking, body squirming, longing for his touch.

He chuckles before his tongue finally making contact with your pussy, you yelp and unconsciously roll your hips onto his mouth.

"Stop fucking moving. Or you're not gonna get a thing." He menaced. You just pant, nodding quickly at his direction.

"Words." Jaemin said sternly. "Yes. Please-" you choked on your voice and tone was so desperate that you felt highly mortified at yourself. But you can't help it. You want him.

Jaemin finally flattened his tongue on your folds and licked a stripe before he sucked the whole of it. He’s doing it so passionately that it makes you keep squirming and slowly losing your mind, but the strength of his hands that keep you grounded is just incomparable with yours.

“Jaemin, please fuck me..” your patience finally ran out.

He glanced at you between your legs. "What a cockslut. You want a dick in your hole so bad, don't you?"

"Y-yes," you let out a sigh. "Want you, daddy. Need you to fill me up to the brim. Make me feel so stretched out and full, want you to use me as you pleased," you threw away your shame and testing the waters.

You do want to try having this kind of thing with jaemin someday, he's always been soft and gentle when it's come to sex, and you didn't expect that the thing is happening at the most unexpected situation.

Fuck it.

Jaemin cursed under his breath hearing the pet name. He then manhandle you so you're laying on your stomach and slowly bottom up without a warning. He started to thrust in a painfully slow pace that got you mewl out loud. You can feel how big he is, the girth, the veins that are popping out from every graze of his cock on your tight wall.

"H-harder.. please... jaemin-"

Spank.

He slap your ass and then stop thrusting. "Hm? I thought you'd like it to be slow? You're enjoying this a little bit too much, don't you think, angel?"

You just nod your head weakly, you feel like your energy is drained. Another tears rolling down your temples. "I- i don't want you to go slow,"

"You don't like it slow? Then tell me how do you want to be fucked. Beg for it."

"Please please please please jaemin i need you, need you to fuck me hard and good," you pant, "please be rough with me," you glance behind your shoulder, eyes locked with jaemin and he hissed at your lewd ment.

Jaemin groans, dying to control himself on not fucking you hard, he shallowly thrust in a slow motion, enjoying himself to seeing you helpless like this a lil bit too much as well.

"Whose this pussy belongs to?"

"You. Yours. I'm yours. I love you-"

Jaemin finally thrust hard and deep, leaving just the tip in your opening, only for him to thrust back into you powerfully, reaching to the deepest place of your hole that got your eyes rolled to the back of your head. "That's right. You're mine."

"Mine," thrust. "Mine," another thrust. "Mine," thrust, as the tip of his length reached your sweetest spot that made you whine and moan deliciously.

"Hmph- jaemin, so, fucking- deep, so- big, hmph-" your words muffled, your drools and tears staining the sheets underneath you.

Jaemin lift your waist so you're on your knees, hands clawing at your hips as he thrust in an inhuman pace that your whole body gave up and slumped onto the sheets while he manage to use his strength to keep your ass lifted for him as he fuck you harder.

Your face is a mess, hair's tangled, your high pitched moan and scream can be heard by anyone else near his apartment at this point, and his neighbour is probably gonna complain for the nuisance, but you two couldn't care less.

"Just like that, angel, cry for me." You're so close to your mind blowing orgasm that you clenched firmly around him, but then he stopped.

"Fuck... jaemin.." you're literally shed tears at his edging, sobbing painfully when you're begging and apologizing to him.

"I'm sorry, just- please. I should've told you first about me and jeno before you-" your words vanished as he shoved you harshly onto the mattress. You feel like you can't breathe but at the same time you don't understand why you are liking the feeling so much.

"Don't. Say. His name. While. I fuck you. Slut." Your tears just won't stop flowing from your eyes to your cheeks, spreading to all over your face. You breathe heavily, a sorrowful pain and guilt clutching at your chest but you still feel aroused at the same time.

Jaemin's heart sink a little at your fucked up state, he tucked your hair and give you a kiss on your eyes, nose, then lips before he continue to fuck you senseless.

"Say my name," jaemin demands. "Say it."

"Jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin!" He pound into you again, precisely and forcefully, he fuck you so good that you can feel your orgasm is coming again anytime soon.

Jaemin groan as he steadily plunge into you, head tossed back and his mouth never stop degrading and praising you at the same time.

"So pretty. You're driving me crazy, you know that, slut? That's why you fuck jeno behind my back huh? To drive me even more crazy?"

"No! I'm sorry!" You manage to scream, his words just made you feel even more guilty.

"My pretty whore. Want me to use you as i pleased, hm? You're lucky cause i'm gonna do as you wish."

Jaemin's name is just like a spell to you before your mind goes blank and you bawling as you came. You're a blubbering mess, your body jolting as you recovering from your high while jaemin keep thrusting into you sloppily, which both of you know he's also close from coming undone.

"Jaemin..." you manage to call his name as he chasing his own high, "inside... please cum inside me.." is the last thing he need to hear from you and he finally spurting his seed inside, he groaned out loud as he shallowly thrusted until he finished emptying his load that overflowed onto your thighs.

When you thought that he's finished, you were dead wrong.

He flipped you onto your back, you gasped as he touch your folds and pushing back his cum into your gushing pussy to take all of what he gave to you. He then lift both of your thighs until your ass is levitating, giving your upper legs kisses and sucked harshly, marking it. He can see that your pussy's clenching and then he sneers, "someone's eager tonight."

"No.." you feel like you're about to pass out from over sensitivity if he keep going, but you don't even realize that your body is still begging for his touch.

"No?" Jaemin put your legs down, he slap your inner thigh and knead it before spreading the remaining essence with his fingers; yours and his to all over your pussy. And then he eat you out. You scream in silence at the contact of his tongue against your heat as he lapping and sucking on your clit. He shoved his tongue and prod at your entrance, got your face all contorted and hands covering your mouth, head thrown back. He cleaned your pussy up and sucked hard for the last time before letting go with a loud pop.

"Fuck, you said 'no' yet your cunt won’t stop dripping from arousal," he drag his thumb up and down your slit, and you jolt from the over stimulation. "So fucking wet for me.. guess your pussy's more honest than your mouth, hm? Tell me about it."

You sigh in loss, "y-yes, only for you, nana, please," scratch that, you want him all over you for the rest of the night.

"I'm gonna hold you all night."

Oh boy, just as he can read your mind.

Jaemin lining himself at your entrance, teasing your clit and folds with the tip of his length for a good minute. You’re sighing out loud from feeling so good as well as being slightly frustrated. You can’t stand his tease anymore, so you started to fuck yourself into jaemin’s cock. Good thing he didn’t oppose.

“Look how needy you are.. can’t get enough of my dick, isn’t that right, princess?” Jaemin stay still in his place while you’re rolling your hips vigorously, body hovering while your palms supporting your weight. “Y-yes, love your cock, s-so much,” you said as your eyes shut.

“Angel, come and ride my dick.” Jaemin hold your waist and you sit down before immediately grab his shoulder and straddle him, devouring his lips feverishly before sinking down into his cock and start moving rapidly. “So big, so fucking deep, hmh- feels so good, nana,” you moan out loud.

Jaemin suck at your nipples and leaving some fresh marks around your cleavage, feeling satisfied at his doing. “So fucking pretty.”

“J-jaemin..” you stutter, feeling your body and legs giving up after riding him for a while, jaemin takes the cue as he softly push you so you’re falling on your back and he started to pound into you again.

He hiss as he piston in and out, groaning at the sight of his cock swallowed by your soak as fuck pussy that it dripped down your thighs. 

Skin against skin clapping; your needy moan; and jaemin's grunt that heard all over the four walls are the only sound which is sinfully echoing through jaemin’s apartment.

“Pussy’s so tight. So wet. Only for my use. Mine,” he praised you in the most lewd way possible that got you dizzy, then you started to feel an overwhelming sensation in your lower stomach.

"Jaemin, i’m gonna cum!”

"Cum for me, baby. I want you to cum for me.” Your eyes rolled and you saw stars, back arched from the mattress, clenching incredibly hard at jaemin’s cock that got him released inside you not long after. Jaemin stay still with heavy breathing after he rode his orgasm and bend down to nip at your earlobe as he breathed,

"You're mine, and i'm not gonna let you go for anyone else, not even jeno."

-

“I was actually jealous when i know you fuck jeno.” Jaemin admit between the after care (you should’ve not surprised cause he just fuck your brains out quite literally after he said he was okay (??)) Also not even expecting that he’d proceeds a jealous or angry sex or whatever in between the case.

But more for your surprise, you did not expecting jeno to told jaemin that you two fucked behind him. Ugh, your head feels heavy when the thought of jeno crushing your brain again.

It turns out that jeno and jaemin are good friends. Jaemin actually knows you since jeno ever talked about you in the past when you guys were in high school. It's so funny how fate works. You do believe in fate and that's why you're a hopeless romantic (tmi).

“He said that he was sorry, that he doesn't want to ruin your relationship with me and he thought it’s the best for all of us to talk and sort things out. His morals say that it was wrong and decided to told me before everything gets worse. Also to keep our precious friendship i guess?” Jaemin explained. “He didn’t deserve you anyway. Jeno that prick..” (he's just jealous, guys).

You sigh loudly. “I’m sorry, jaemin. And i'm sorry that you have to know about uhm that, from jeno's mouth before i did. You know, jeno is my best friend. My soulmate. I just can feel it. It just feels so right when i'm with him, you know?"

Jaemin stares at you when you started to give him a story telling about jeno.

"Jaemin, if i had to be honest.." you nip your bottom lip nervously before continuing, "i love him so much.. like.. more than friends. And i love you too. So much that my heart aches.” You look at him with doe eyes, trying to read his face but failing. "I.. i apologize that i ruined everything, i'm sorry," you exhale weakly, jaemin catches you when your tears roll down your cheeks again.

He inhale then exhale deeply. If that's how you're feeling, what can he do to stop you from feeling it? Who are jaemin to control a feeling that does not even belong to him?

You smile bitterly at jaemin. "Jaemin, it's okay if you want to leave me. After all, you don't deserve someone whose heart is branched for two people at once." Jaemin just stares at you with the same gaze, his face clearly tells that he is somehow disheartened, but you really don't know what he's thinking inside. "I don't deserve you. You're too good for me." Your voice started to shake. "And i'm evil. I'm sorry that i.." you stop for a while before continuing a word that never gonna escape from your mouth in the first place. "You know what, never mind. It's me. The problem is me." You shake your head. “I guess this is the end. It’s over. We’re over.”

Jaemin's eyes widen, he immediately grab your wrist, jaw clenching hard. "What do you mean?" His low voice was full of disapproval.

You let out a chuckle. "Now you're talking to me. You heard me. I'm gonna leave because i think that would be the best for the three of us. See? I told you, i'm evil. I'm selfish, jaemin, i-"

"Don't. Ever say that again." He snapped and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly that you could barely breathe. "I don't want you to leave. How can you say things like that?" He brush your crown of head and burying his nose between your hair. "Who says that you can leave me, hm?" His voice got softened that it is almost sound like a whisper.

"You heard me when i said that i already knew you back then, right? You might not know me, and i might not know you properly, but one thing i know is, i already liked you since i first saw you." You can feel that he smile fondly while he's talking. You close your eyes with furrowed brows and listen to every word that came out from his mouth, your chin resting on his shoulder as he shared his warmth with you.

"You keep talking, so i thought i'm just gonna hear it until you finished. Definitely not expecting the last one though." He chuckles, then let you go from the hug to cup your cheeks. "I didn't say that i mind you to having feelings for jeno. Did i say that i don't want you anymore because you have feelings for him? You're making assumptions on your own, y/n. I'm not gonna let you go even if you love someone else other than me." He said as he brushed another freshly stain of your tears from your cheek.

"But jaemin, you don't understand. I love both of you. And i don't think i'm gonna turn either of you down."

"I know." He answered sternly.

Jaemin is looking at you right in the eyes. One another maintaining eye contact as fighting for a domination. And finally you know that he understands.

"Oh." You uttered.

"Yeah."

Jaemin cock an eyebrow. "Still want to break up with me?"

You pressed your lips together and hum. "Nope."

"No?"

"No..?"

Jaemin snuggled into the crook of your neck and bite in awe. “You’re so fucking cute.”

You giggled, “you know, you’re so sexy when you’re swearing.”

“I just happened to know about it not long ago.” You hug jaemin tightly, burying your face in his chest and arms. Moreover, you realized that you never felt this happy in your whole life before.

“You know, you could actually confess to jeno first if he was that dense.” Jaemin spare a glance to you. "But glad that you didn’t though. And thank god that you two weren't that senseful. Can’t imagine if you’re ended up with jeno and not me this whole time.” Jaemin smiles in victory.

[wetpapert0wel]

ugh