#i feel like i'm going to get mad at myself for writing this particular fic in this way

[gravehags]

falling so badly (i'm coming apart)

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (Curator!Reader)

Rating: EXPLICIT, MDNI

Tags: making out, love confessions, reader is a virgin, idiots in love, masturbation, copia being a possessive little sex freak, gay trauma, vague mention of suicidal ideation, paintless copia, vulnerability, donuts

Words: 6,189

Summary: Oh, to be wooed by a Satanic cardinal.

a/n: well this was supposed to be one fic and now it's looking like it's getting split up into multiple because these hoes (me) don't know how to shut the fuck up. takes place immediately after the events of satan baby! made myself sad writing about their respective trauma so y'all better fucking like this lmao and you can expect a couple more installments :) i promise they'll eventually fuck nasty (tender)

divider by @gothdaddyissues!

It takes an absurdly long time for the two of you to finally reach your rooms between Copia routinely pausing to push you against the nearest wall with his fingers buried in your hair, lips slotted against yours and you doing the same to him.

His paints are a mess and you know half of them are now on your face but it matters little to either of you. Your right hand carries the bag full of gifts you received that evening while the left is entwined with Copia’s large, leather clad one and the sight makes you grin with pure delight. Finally, you took the step you’ve been dying to for months and your risk has more than paid off. Now here you are, standing outside your door hand in hand with your beloved giving each other a sideways glance. You set down your bag and turn to face him.

“Would you…would you like to come in?”

Your voice is a little shaky and you know exactly why as you watch the Cardinal gnaw on his lower lip and fidget. This has the potential to be a huge night for you, in more ways than one, and the anxiety in your stomach bubbles. He looks as if he is struggling as he lets out a deep sigh and your heart plummets.

“Dolcezza, I…” he squeezes his eyes shut, “I would love nothing more. Truly, you have no…no idea how much I desire…” 

When he reopens his eyes his gaze is hungry and you nearly gasp at the way his eyes slowly drag over the shape of you. “How I…cazzo, bellezza you have no idea how mad you make me.”

“The feeling’s mutual, believe me,” you murmur, tilting your head and watching him curiously. You’re not sure if your ears are playing tricks on you but you swear you hear him groan.

“Eh, y-yes. Well. That being said as much as I would love to…to…stay,” he says the word carefully, deliberately, “first I would like to have the chance to eh…to woo you.”

You almost laugh but suppress it when you see how earnestly he looks at you. Your beloved Cardinal. The man who took care of you when you were drunk, the man you called upon to be by your side as you cried. The man who sat in your office multiple days a week, making stupid jokes and flirting with you. Who haunted your dreams. Who listened to you vent and excitedly explain. You would do anything for him. Anything he wanted, and you suspect he would do the same for you. So you smile.

“I think it’s safe to say you’ve sufficiently wooed me for the past nine months but I’ll never say no to romance. That’s very thoughtful of you, Copia.”

You watch him blush and you know you have a gooey expression on your face.

“Bene. Bene! I just…want to give you everything you deserve. T-to take you out. Spend time…more time with you.”

Everything you deserve. You don’t know if you deserve it but you know what you want. And while it’s clear he’s not going to indulge that particular desire tonight that doesn’t mean you can’t give him a little tease, right? Slowly you lean forward to wrap your arms around him, breathing in the smoky smell of his cologne on his pellegrina. You can hear him inhale deep as his nose trails along your neck and one of his hands tentatively slides along the small of your back. You just hold him for a moment and allow him to relax into your embrace before putting your lips to his ear and murmuring your killing blow.

“I’ve waited this long, I suppose I can stay a virgin a while longer.”

His breath comes so sharp he nearly hiccups as you place a kiss to the tip of his carefully crafted sideburn and pull away. His pupils are blown, mouth hanging open and practically panting. He looks like he wants to say something but all that comes out is a slight whine. 

“Goodnight, Copia,” you murmur, picking your bag up and opening your door. You step through the threshold and turn back to face him.

“Good–” his voice comes out high and pained, “goodnight, cara mia.”

Your eyes flick over him, echoing the way he looked at you earlier, and there is an ache at the juncture of your thighs when you see the not insignificant bulge tenting his cassock. He starts when he realizes what you’ve seen, hands dropping to mask himself but the damage has been done. You shut the door with a quiet snap and you hear a rough “cazzo” being snarled through the wood. Between his kisses and that…you certainly have enough material to take care of yourself tonight. 

And you do just that.

–

He’s practically running to get to the safety of his quarters, praying to Sathanas that no one stumbles upon him in this state. His mind has to stay blank, to steer clear of the bombshell you just casually dropped on him with a kiss and a smile. If he dwells on it too long he’s going to make a mess in his trousers and he does not want to have to explain that to the abbey launderers. 

Again. 

His prayers are answered as he pants in front of his door, having steered clear of anyone who could be wandering the halls. He fumbles with his keys, hands shaking as he manages to open the door and bolt inside. It’s cold in his rooms but all of a sudden he’s too hot, the wool of his cassock restricting as he shucks off his gloves and fumbles for the buttons. He only gets halfway through with them before losing patience and tearing the garment up and over his head and throwing it to the ground. His suspenders are slid off his shoulders with such force one of them comes detached from its button on his waistband and he viciously untucks his shirt. His cock throbs as he growls and undoes the buttons, toeing off his shoes at the same time. 

“Merda,” he hisses, aware of the mess he’s making for himself but he doesn’t care. All he can think about is unzipping his pants and sliding his underwear down before collapsing to his knees. A virgin. She’s a fucking virgin. He knows he won’t last long but he spits into his palm and takes himself in hand all the same, whimpering when his thumb brushes against the swollen head. Your name spills from his lips as he wetly slides his fist up and down, thinking of the way your tongue felt gliding against his when he had you pushed up against the wall. The soft little whimpers you made into his mouth, the way your fingernails scratched at the base of his scalp. Was he the first to ignite such passions in your heart? He groans at the thought, the sound of skin on skin deafening in the dimly lit room.

“W-what a g-gift you’re giving your C-Cardinal,” he grunts, “bellezza mia–ah–my p-perfect girl. So good for me. I will make you–augh–sing.”

His knees protest the position but his hips flex upwards, rutting into his fist. When he cums it’s with a growl, imagining you blushing beneath him with your pretty mouth hanging open in a moan. Each spurt paints his chest, clinging to the abundance of fine brown hairs and dripping down his stomach. His head falls back as he pants in the dark of his sitting room, still gripping his cock. It’s usually at this point the shame begins to wash over him for imagining you so lewdly but…you were all but his now, were you not? His lips curl into a devious smile and he chuckles thinking about how sweetly you kissed him tonight - and let him kiss you. How you tease him so, the little game the two of you have played over the past months. His dolcezza. And no one else’s. He would make sure of that. When his head falls forward again to look down he sucks in a breath at the sight of his cock swelling in his grip. Hard again, and so soon? The power you hold over him is unthinkable and he aches to tell you so. And speaking of ache…his back and knees both throb but all he can think about is the smell of your perfume and the taste of mulled wine on your mouth. His beloved…oh how he longs to worship you, to spread your legs and nestle himself between them to lap at your cunt. The thought drives his fist to move once more, mouth hanging open. He should haul himself up, drag himself to his bedroom and into the shower but all he can think of is you. You come as easily to him as breathing, you always have. He’s panting as he thinks about all the sweet sounds he will eke out of you, of you giving him the honor of having you. And he would not make you regret it - content to ravish you with fingers and tongue and cock until you beg him to stop. As he continues to furiously stroke himself his mind wanders to your first confession when you had told him about your lustful actions. I want them so fucking badly and it’s so easy to think about them and what they could do to me. What I would let them do to me. A whine is wrenched from his throat and his vision starts to go blurry with the knowledge that you were talking about him. That his sick little fantasies and indulgences were all correct. And as he cums for a second time that night, his seed dripping over his fingers and onto the unforgiving hardwood floor, he’s filled with the most satisfying sense of victory.

—

When you wake up the next morning and stretch in bed until your joints pop, it takes a moment to remember the events of the previous night. You think of your lovely time spent with the Papas, the beautiful gifts you received and…oh. A shit-eating grin stretches your mouth and you bury your face into your pillow to let out a scream. Merry fucking Christmas to you. You finally, finally made the step and told Copia how you feel and it’s like the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders. And not only did you tell him, he reciprocated the feelings. He likes you. With a sigh you stare up at the dark wooden beams and rub your eyes til you see spots.

And then you remember.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?!” you half-shout into your bedroom, hand flying to your mouth in horror. He told you he wanted to woo you, to be sweet and treat you like you deserve and you…you idiot. Why did you feel the need to divulge one of your deepest secrets to a man you literally just told you cared for? God, that mulled wine did a number on you. What he must think of you…you look to your left and unplug your phone from the charger with every intent of texting him and apologizing for your behavior but before you can your screen lights back up with a notification.

Buongiorno, amore! I hope you slept well! Last night feels like a dream…one I wish to never awaken from.

Your phone vibrates again.

That is, I would like to awaken so that I might see you again.

And again.

It does not make last night any less dreamy, though.

You snort as your gaze goes to the ceiling. Idiot. Your idiot. Clearly you hadn’t been too off-putting, then. Sitting up you scoot backwards and type.

Morning, Copia. Thanks again for being so lovely last night <3

You type out your next thought, then hesitate.

I slept with your necklace on last night to keep you close to me. Is that weird?

Ehh…now that is off-putting. You move your thumb to delete the text and end up hitting the send button instead.

“Shitting fuck!” You fling yourself back down onto the mattress and groan with your eyes scrunched shut. Great. Now not only are you a virgin, you’re a cringe little simp too. Your phone vibrates but it takes another couple of minutes before you get the courage to look at what you’ve wrought. Finally you crack one eye open and glance at your screen.

Dolcezza. My dolcezza…you are too kind to this old man, I don’t deserve you but I adore you.

The candidness of his words makes you melt, curling into the covers to hunch over your phone. I don’t deserve you, what bullshit.

Copia, I am the very least you deserve. And I adore you back. Are you busy today?

The thought of seeing him always brought butterflies to your stomach but now they feel a little more exciting.

Nope! Yesterday was the start of the holiday, remember?

Shit, that’s right. You have the next two weeks off (with pay, Sister Imperator graciously informed you, much to your shock) and this was after you already had some time off to celebrate the holidays with your family. Truly you couldn’t imagine a better gig.

Duh, sorry! If you have a chance today, I’d love to see you. No pressure though!

Were you being too needy? You did just confess your feelings for one another last night. The quickness with which your phone vibrates again makes you jolt.

Amore mio, I am already on my way to your quarters xxx

The goofy, dreamy smile that blooms on your face disappears with alarming speed. Shit! He’s on his way!

You practically fall out of bed after flinging the covers back and immediately shudder at how fucking cold your room is. Quickly, you strip and fumble through your drawers for some fresh clothes. Something casual but not too casual…wait. Hold the fucking bus. You look down at your phone again to check the time.

8:54 AM

Growling, you slam your dresser drawer. If you were meeting Copia at this time pre-events of last night you’d throw on a pair of leggings and a big cropped shirt and call it good. So that’s exactly what you’re going to do right now. He didn’t fall for you perfectly coiffed and styled, he fell for you being a hot mess. You never had to wear a mask in front of him before and you’re not about to start. Not after some of the shit he’s heard come out of your mouth up to and including last night. 

Anyway.

The shirt you pick is soft and well-loved, the gold grucifix he gifted you last night catching the light on your clavicle. Before leaving your room you give yourself a couple of spritzes of perfume and grab your phone. You barely have a minute to yawn in your living room when there’s a soft knock at your door. You count for five giddy seconds before walking over and opening it and you give the man before you a sleepy smile. He’s wearing what you have come to know as his “leisure clothes”, still sporting his paints despite the fact that it’s early and he’s off duty. 

“Buongiorno,” he says softly, hands fidgeting.

“Hey,” you murmur, your smile widening. The two of you stand on the threshold in silence for almost a minute when he lunges at you. The action makes you gasp but any sound from your mouth is muffled when he slots his own over it. You’re content to let him lick into your mouth for a moment, his gloved hands gripping at your waist when you come to a realization and shove him off you.

“Oh gross,” you back away and he looks horrified as if he’s done something terribly wrong, “It’s not you! I forgot to brush my teeth, shit. Sorry, sorry - give me a minute!”

He says something but you don’t hear it as you dash back into your room and take care of business, snorting at the way you’re once again smeared with his lip paint as you scrub. After you finish you take a moment to clean the black marks off your lips before returning to your living room. He still dutifully stands there, hands behind his back.

“Eh–mmph!”

You don’t give him the opportunity to say whatever he wants to say because in two strides you’ve launched yourself into his arms and latched your lips onto his. Gripping the sides of his red velour jacket you pull him towards your couch until his legs bump up against it and with an inelegant shove you push him down onto the cushions. The way he looks up at you, hair tousled and mismatched eyes filled with adoration, makes your heart feel like it’s about to burst. You cup his face in your hands, running your thumbs over his freckled cheekbones.

“Copia…Copia I think I lo–”

A sharp - infuriatingly sharp - knock rings out in the room. You growl, your hands dropping from Copia’s face and your heart sinks at the way his shoulders sag. Another knock rings out and you exhale through your nose.

“Sorry,” you murmur to Copia before making your way to the door and opening it. It’s all you can do to not spit out a terse “what?” at the person standing there. The word is halfway out your mouth when Terzo gives you a goofy grin.

“Buongiorno, bella! You slipped away from us last night and oh, how we missed you. I…”

Terzo trails off and you realize that in that short amount of time Copia has sidled up next to you, a frosty expression on his face as he wraps an arm around your waist. You give him a curious look before looking back to Terzo, whose idiotic grin has somehow gotten even wider.

“Well, well, well now this is a surprise, eh? Congratulazioni to you both…”

Copia’s arm tenses around you as Terzo’s attention returns to you.

“So…how can I help you, Terzo?”

“Ah…right. The book you told me about last night…?”

You remember recommending something to him and hum aloud before breaking free of Copia’s grip and walking over to your bookcase. The tension between the Papa and his Cardinal is palpable and you grab the title and hustle back over to the door.

“Here you go. Uh…thanks for welcoming me to your celebration last night. It was lovely.”

He makes an amused noise.

“And productive too, I see. Well we’ll speak again soon, I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. Be safe and ah, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Ciao bella. Ciao Cardinal.”

You give him a tight smile before shutting the door and turning to your companion.

“Bit possessive for less than twenty-four hours in, no?” you say with a sly smile. Copia turns an impressive shade of red and takes a step back from you.

“I-I…I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.”

You had only meant to tease him but it’s clear you’ve struck a nerve.

“Don’t be,” you say gently, moving towards him to place your hands on his chest, “You know how I like to fuck with you. And honestly…it was hot.”

The journey his face goes on makes you laugh out loud before leaning forward and placing a kiss on his cheek.

“That being said, what was that about?”

He lets out a noise in between a groan and a sigh.

“Eh…it’s a long story.”

“Hmm, well last I checked we’ve got the next two weeks off so by all means,” you gesture to the couch, “enlighten me.”

The two of you nestle into the plump cushions, Copia looking apprehensive. You scoot closer to him and sling your leg into his lap, grabbing his hands and holding them in yours. He looks down at your entwined fingers and he smiles softly before letting out a sigh.

“Terzo and I have always had a…well, I don’t think it’s necessarily accurate to call it a rivalry. He’s always found charming people easy whereas I…have always struggled. It started when I was in my late teens at the abbey in Roma - Terzo was a little older and had already taken his vows. There was this boy. Paolo. He was new at the abbey and I was smitten as soon as I saw him. Blonde hair in ringlets that would catch the light…ah dolcezza. And what a voice he had, always standing out in the choir. I was desperate to spend time around him, would accept any scrap of attention he gave me. This went on for months and months, me trailing behind him like a puppy. One day I worked up the courage to make a move and told myself I would approach him at a party that evening. I put on my nicest outfit, oh you should have seen me, cara. My mustache barely there. I thought I looked so dapper. I walked into the party and spotted his blonde curls over by the couch as he was draped on someone else. My heart…stopped. And when I saw who it was he was kissing…well. I’m sure you can guess, eh?”

“Jesus, Copia,” you breathe, squeezing his hand. “That is…incredibly fucked up.”

He nods. “But the worst part was Terzo knew how I felt about him. He knew and he still did it anyway. I cried myself to sleep every night for a week after that. Terzo had the nerve to approach me and tell me that I was ‘too good for him anyway’. Figlio di puttana…I swung on him. Right there in the cloister for everyone to see. The little bastard rat hitting an Emeritus brother. Secondo eventually pulled me off him but I did my damage. In more ways than one - Paolo had seen the whole thing. Wouldn’t look me in the eye anymore and eventually asked for a transfer to Puglia. I never saw him again.”

He gives you a sad smile.

“Needless to say it wasn’t the first time that would happen. And Terzo would always say ‘you were too good for them, topolino, they don’t deserve you’. Well it would have been fucking nice to learn for myself, huh? When I left the Roma abbey at twenty-one and was sent abroad I was finally able to come into my own. So eh. Now you understand why I acted…the way I acted. Mi dispiace.”

“Don’t apologize,” you say softly, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek. “I…I get it. We all have our trauma about relationships. I’ll tell you about mine in a minute but I do have to tell you this now…Terzo knew how I felt about you. Saw it almost immediately. Always encouraged me to approach you or spend time with you even when I felt self conscious about it. I can’t speak to his motivations when you were younger but I think he wanted us to get here. I mean, is it selfish and fucked up of me to want to thank him for getting you here?”

Copia nuzzles into your palm before turning his head and placing a kiss there.

“No, tesoro. I don’t think so. And…” he pauses, thoughtful, “perhaps Terzo knew none of those people were meant for me. Ah, that’s silly.” He shakes off the thought and leans over to kiss you on the forehead before looking at you with a cocked head.

“I..I suppose you want to hear my tale then?”

Your hand falls from his face and he nods.

“Only if you wish to share it.”

A deep gut-wreching sigh comes out of you and your hands fall to your lap.

“So, um. Middle school right? I was twelve. Odd…odd kid. Didn’t really have any friends, just a lot of people I hung around. Anyway, this new girl starts at my school in my grade. Hayley. She was the most beautiful thing I’d seen - long blonde hair, tall, big blue eyes. And here’s the thing - she was nice to me. Liked me even! I couldn’t believe my luck and I was infatuated. I didn’t even know I liked girls until that point but she was special. So we became friends - best friends, even - and would constantly spend time at each other’s houses. Her parents had a pool so the summer before 8th grade I was always over at her place. One day we’re alone in the water and…Christ, I don’t know what I was thinking…I lean in and peck her on the lips. She freaks out. Starts calling me the nastiest names. Some words I didn’t even know until I heard them coming from her. We get out of the pool and she tells me I have to go home but wouldn’t let me use their phone to call my mom to come pick me up. So I walked home. In my sopping wet bathing suit and flip flops and no towel I walked almost two miles to my house. Jesus, I could’ve been…ugh. Anyway I finally get home to my parents who were flipping out thinking something had happened to me and I just collapsed in the driveway, crying. Sat there on the hot pavement and sobbed and sobbed and told them everything. So you know how it goes, my mom is fucking furious and calls her mom to scream at her for what she did to me, Hayley’s mom screams back calling me some choice fucking slurs. Distinctly remember hearing ‘fat little dyke’ shouted from the receiver. Meanwhile I’m just in my room petrified because I know she’s going to tell everyone when school starts again. Devastated because my only friend whom I adored now was disgusted with me and wanted nothing to do with me. It’s…” for the first time, your voice breaks, “it’s not fucking right for a little girl to go through that, you know? My parents saw the writing on the wall and immediately sent me to therapy but nothing could have prepared me for the first day of school. Kids ignoring me I could handle but their cruelty? Their mockery? I hid in the bathroom every day just fucking suffering. Whenever I saw Hayley it was like a knife in my gut. Finally it…got to a bad point. Like, a really bad point. I almost…anyway. I finally told my parents what was going on and they transferred me to a new school. But, you know, the damage was done.”

You reach up to wipe your tears with a derisive little laugh. Copia makes soft fretting noises at you and raises your hand to his lips to pepper it with kisses.

“Amore…I have no words. No words to describe how…crudele. Children can be so vicious. And for her parents to say such awful things about anyone let alone a child…” he lets out a low growl, “I am so sorry. My bellissima dolcezza…”

“Wow this is not how I pictured this morning going,” you say with a harsh bark of laughter, sniffling, “thought we’d have a little makeout session on the couch then go get some breakfast but you know, here we are. Trauma time.”

He chuckles and the sound warms your heart.

“Thank you for listening,” you whisper before leaning forward to nestle yourself in his lap. “Thank you for always listening, my love.”

Your ear is pressed to his chest and you hear the rumble of one of his little noises.

“And you, amore. We make quite a pair, no?”

You snort inelegantly.

“What, two traumatized, autistic, bisexual bitches?”

Copia lets out a strangled noise and his chest shakes as he dissolves into laughter with his eyes closed. You lean up and peck a kiss onto his jaw.

“So…breakfast?”

“Excellent idea,” Copia says, groaning as you shift off of him and into a standing position. You take his hands and haul him off the couch, still holding on even after he’s up.

“Promise me you’ll tell me about these someday?” you say, gesturing to his gloves. He shifts to his other foot and gnaws on his lower lip.

“Eh…yes. Another long story for another time.”

You sense his discomfort and you have no desire to press the issue. Instead you press your hand to the small of his back and steer him towards the door.

“Trying to get rid of me, tesoro?”

“Hardly,” you say, opening the door and urging him out, “I wanna get down to the dining hall while there’s still donuts.”

—

The rest of the morning is deliciously lazy, with the two of you lingering over your meal long past anyone else. You’ve gotten more than one curious look from a passing sibling, whose eyes flick from your clasped hands to the way you gaze at him, resting your face on your propped up hand. You continue to pick at your scrambled eggs long after they’ve gone cold, content to listen to him ramble (the current topic is medieval Satanic mystics.) He’s filled with such a wealth of knowledge it honestly leaves you in awe, as well as makes you a little giddy to know you have access to him and his beautiful, silly brain whenever you like. Yours. He’s yours. Your eyes trace the hollows of his eyes, masked by black paint, down the length of his long nose, across the spattering of freckles on his cheeks and down to his lips. His plump, soft lips and the way they felt molded to yours. The way he had you pressed against the stone wall of that empty corridor, groaning into your mouth and fisting your hair, his thigh slotted between your legs to press right up against your–

“Cara? Did you hear what I said?”

“Mmm…h-huh what? Sorry?”

The last word comes out of your mouth a little loud and very panicked and Copia cocks his head at you, looking alarmed. You clear your throat and smile sheepishly at him, hoping to God and Satan he didn’t notice you looking at him like that.

“I asked what you would like to do for the rest of the day?”

“I–oh! Uh…what time is it?”

He looks down at his watch.

“Almost 11.”

You rub your eyes. While you might have slept well last night, all of a sudden you’re bone tired. Rehashing horrible life events will do that, you suppose.

“How do you feel about going back to bed?”

Now it’s Copia’s turn to look panicked.

“What bed? Your bed?”

“Yeah, we can nap for a few hours then…I don’t know. Watch TV. Take a walk. Whatever.”

“A nap, right,” he laughs, eyes darting, “ah…I don’t know if that’s a good idea, dolcezza.”

A sinister little grin unfurls on your lips.

“Oh yeah? Don’t trust me? Think I’m going to take advantage of you?”

His face flushes so fast you’re honestly impressed.

“N-not quite eh…cazzo. Diavoletta mia, you are making this very difficult.”

“Oh that’s a new one,” you murmur, running a fingernail over his knuckles. “Diavoletta mia, I like that.”

He gives you a pained look, one that tells you how desperately he’s holding back right now and it makes you ache. All he needs to do is say the word and you’d let him have you. He’s held your mind and soul in the palm of his hand for months now, to give him your body would be your honor. And pleasure. But instead you smile gently at him, knowing how badly he wants to treat you right. You love him for it but goddamn your vibrator is going to be exhausted in the meantime.

“You know I’m just giving you a hard time, right?” You wince at your choice of word and judging from the way his eye twitches, so does he so you redirect. “C’mon, let’s grab a couple more donuts for later then go get some rest, huh?”

The trip back to your quarters is uneventful, both hands occupied with clutching your prized donuts wrapped in napkins, which you deposit on the counter of your kitchenette. Copia hasn’t said a peep since you left the dining hall and it’s got you anxious, worried that your suggestive behavior earlier was off-putting. 

“Hey,” you murmur, raising your hand to lightly grasp at his bicep and run your thumb over the muscle lovingly, “what’s on your mind?”

“Eh, n-nothing, nothing. I’m fine, dolcezza.”

He’s not, and you know he’s not, but you don’t interrogate him further. Instead you take him by the hand and drag him to the doorway of your bedroom.

“I think some well-deserved rest will do us both good, my love.” His mustache twitches in a smile at the endearment which makes you feel relieved.

“Do you want to…um…” you gesture at his eye paint and he looks like a startled deer once again.

“I–yes. Yes, of course. My paints.”

Disengaging from him you walk to your linen closet and procure a washcloth which he takes and shuffles into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. You sigh and rub your eyes before throwing your mussed covers back and climbing into bed. Your phone gets plugged in before you settle on your side with your back facing the bathroom. Minutes go by - you’re not sure how many - and you open your mouth to holler your concern at him but ultimately stop yourself. The door opens quietly almost a minute later but you don’t turn to look at him, instead waiting for him to round the other side of the bed. When he does, you muffle a gasp at his wonderfully bare face. He nudges his shoes off and removes his sweatshirt, leaving him in a short-sleeved black t-shirt and his gloves. You’re overwhelmed - he might as well be stark naked before you for all the pale, freckled flesh you see - holding your breath as he silently peels the covers back and climbs into bed next to you. He settles on his back, staring at the beams on the ceiling and clenching his jaw. You scoot your body nearer to him, and place your fingers on his chin to tilt his face in your direction. He obligingly shifts onto his side, eyes darting everywhere but your gaze.

“Copia,” you whisper, taking in his deep-set eyes, the dark circles normally masked by black paint, and the long brown eyelashes, “you’re beautiful.”

He sucks in a breath and blinks at you, lips parted and pink from where he scrubbed the lipstick off.

“Amore…you…” he sighs heavily, “why do you care for this old man?”

You want to make a joke about hierophilia but can tell from his face this is not the time. So you settle for raw honesty.

“Copia…how could I not? After all the ways you’ve shown you care for me, how could I feel any other way about you? I—“

You can feel a lump forming in your throat so you distract yourself by raising your hand and tracing his crows feet and lines in his forehead.

“Copia, I don’t know of a better way to say this because I’ve never said it before but…I love you. I love everything about you - your mind, your wrinkles, your mustache. The grey in your hair and the way your ass looks in your cassocks,” he chokes out a laugh and leans into your touch, “Your kindness. Your infinite patience with me. The way you’re looking at me right now. I know we just…I don’t know became an item last night but…Copia you have to know I’ve loved you all along.”

Your tears are flowing freely at this point, sliding down your cheeks to soak your pillow and he brings a hand to the back of your head to draw you further towards him. Gently he kisses the salty trails on your cheeks, lips reverently brushing over your features. He addresses you by your name - not an endearment - and presses his forehead to yours.

“Ti amo, ti amo, ti amo,” he murmurs hoarsely, “you are my everything. Tu sei la mia anima. My world. Thank you.”

You’re not sure how long he cradles your face - long after your tears have dried - and when he finally pulls away you feel both incredibly full and incredibly empty. He rolls onto his back and gently pulls you against him, your chin tucked into his shoulder and hand on his chest.

“Today was a lot,” you murmur, tracing designs into his pectoral.

“Bellezza mia,” he says and you can hear his smile, “the day is not over yet. It’s not even noon.”

You groan and smack him playfully, feeling him shake with laughter beneath you.

“Stop laughing at me and go to sleep, Cardinal Copia.”

He sighs, leather-clad fingers running through your hair.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead, amore. Your company is far too enjoyable to be unconscious in it.”

It takes all of five more minutes before he starts snoring and you grin, your face pressed against him.

Oh, to be wooed by a Satanic cardinal.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Hiiiii, re ur post abt goals and the whole being more active in the community thing -- I'll try to remember to interact with u more than just liking/reblogging things! I've been super quiet on my own blog since I had burnout two years ago but I'm trying to get back into doing more than just occasionally posting fic, and honestly I love a lot of ur head canon posts and metas etc. I probably won't read any of ur fic because I'm a Bit Weird in that for some reason I hate reading fic in the fandoms I write for (but still love metas and headcanons? Brains sure are weird) but everything else I'll try to actually Write Words instead of letting my thoughts stay in my head!

This is such a sweet message! <3333333

I would totally welcome conversation, and it’s great to know that you are open to it, too. Because I feel like Tumblr as a platform runs on a parallel play model on purpose, and most people probably just want to do that, and my hesitation in going full throttle about using Tumblr the way I would want is my fear that it is going to be obnoxious/overbearing/overwhelming (e.g. driving people to madness via “Why is this person talking to me… I didn’t want to talk to them...”).

It’s so funny you should say that, re: enjoying hcs/meta but not fanfic in your writing fandoms, because I think about that divide a lot! Half the time I spend writing most* headcanon posts is actually time spent workshopping “sooooo…. how do I say this without saying ‘well, in my fanfic…’” because it’s probably something I already wrote in fanfic or notes for fanfic, but 1) I want to talk to people about it, and the chances that I will get to if it’s written in a fanfic are fairly slim, and 2) I want to hear other people’s versions of it, too. In their fanfic, if they write fanfic, but also their posts or tags!

But that can be complicated because in my mind, [insert headcanon post topic] tends to be fairly situated in context—the context of fic things having happened, or things that are going to happen, or thematic undercurrents/relationships—so it becomes a project in trying to make the proposition NOT sound completely bananas without that context/something being written in a particular way. Which can sometimes be its own kind of fun and is sometimes like “good grief, I could have simply been writing more fanfic!” (I feel like I should emphasize here that no one should feel obligated to read my fanfic. I mean, I want people to want to read it! But I very much do not want anyone to feel like they Have To or like they need to explain why they’re not!)

Our approaches are opposite, in that my brain is fanfic forward, both for myself and for others’ fanfic. But I do feel like a lot of RP blogs share your orientation re: not wanting to read other versions of the character they write for! I don’t know if this is where you, specifically, are coming from, but I’ve read on some of the RP blogs that it has a lot to do with having a strong investment in their own particular color on things, and wanting that centered and front of mind. (Which isn’t to say that sentiment isn’t true of most people, I think, because otherwise they wouldn’t write them that way—it’s true of me—but ymmv on how much someone wants to see the other iterations.)

For me, I know that I’m a lot less adventurous about Interpretations That Excite Me for my blorbos than other characters I might read for. Like, to use a silly example, in my mind Soi Fon is 100% Lesbian (which stands out in my headcanon space because I generally assume most everyone in Bleach would be on some level willing to get down with most anyone else), but did I click on Soi Fon/Vegeta when I came across it anyway? Absolutely I did. I barely know who Vegeta is. But my down-to-clown boundaries with Soi Fon are very low, nearly tabula rasa, so go get Vegeta, girl!!!! Whereas for like, Hitsugaya, I’m probably not going to read Hitsugaya/Vegeta because I am not actually a crossover person, my knowledge of DBZ is limited to The Osmotic Experience of Having Grown Up in the 90s, and my favorite version of Hitsugaya’s sex life is the absence of one.

*Of course, there are other headcanons posts in the omake/filler vein that are simply too dumb (affectionate) for me to want to write full fanfic of, like the Gotei regatta or the Gotei bowling league, or that “I think the average shikai user would probably be pretty good at driving a car but they would NOT be considerate or lawful users of said car” post.

[authormars]

Rant!

Don't read this if you don't want to. I am just very angry and needed to get my feelings out. It has nothing to do with Dialuci or headcanons like my normal content, it is simply me being angry at an anon.

If you want to read more, don't say I didn't warn you

The Barbatos Gossip Section is so funny to me. I like to yell my thoughts into the void there, but recently people have been blowing up about people complaining about there not being a whole lot of x male reader content (I am one of those complainers, but look at the tag fam. It's almost all women)

People kept saying "It's an otome game! It's for women" and people fought back saying "MC is genderless for a reason! They're inclusive!" (A point I totally agree with, as a masc person)

The thing that genuinely pisses me off though is the point of "You want to see it, go write it yourself" and I know it's stupid to get pissed over, but it seriously does, as a writer myself.

Some people just want to see representations of themselves in fanfiction, the place we go for representation when the og media doesn't give us that! Some people don't have the luxury of being able to write! A very close friend of mine has dysgraphia, in which they basically cannot write or keep a coherent story in their head. Some people don't have the time to write! Some people want to have a story with a reader that is male and that is hard to find in the x reader tag, especially with characters like Lucifer (I know from experience)

Also, the Barbatos Gossip Section is a place to complain! Stop getting on people's backs for complaining there! A particular anon called it, and I'm quoting directly here, "Look, I understand that OM mc is genderless, but I see those who complain about there being way too many female mc content. They need to realize how hypocritical they’re being. They’re acting like the mc has to only be gn, or male, and when they are gn they have to be masculine. Yet, when there is female mc, or the gn mc is feminine they get offended, and complain."

When has anyone ever gotten mad at this? Most of the people, including myself, understand that x female reader is always going to be common. The only thing we ask is that more people make MC more inclusive (for example, when writing a GN!MCxCharacter smut, doing two chapters for people with either parts, which I have seen done before)

They also called those people mysogynistic. They said, quoting from the post, "To those that do that, you give off heavy misogynistic vibes. Like being male is okay, but being female is the end all. The mc can be who the player is, how is that hard to comprehend for you."

The thing that pisses me off most of all, however, was how they ended it. "Lastly, Otome games are created for girls/women. Be grateful that there are games like OM that has a genderless mc." The arrogance of this anon alone pisses me off to no level. She acts (I can say that, based on the ask where she implied she was female) like all the masc people in the community don't matter.

The link is here for people who don't want to be searching for the post

Don't mind my rant, this ask just pissed me off to no end.

Please don't send hate to this person if you find out who she is. I am merely one very angry masc obey me fan who hates when people say things that aren't true.

If it pleases you, write/read x female reader fics. If you want, write/read x male reader fics. If x gender neutral reader is your jam, read it! I'm not here to police anyone's actions. I merely want to say that I, personally, desperately crave bottom Mammon fics :p

I'm a whore for bottom brothers

[yuujispinkhair]

Just read the post you rebloged about people being mean to fan fic writers and God youre so fucking right. I used to post fic pretty consistently around a year ago, and while post of the people were genuinely lovely and I miss them sometimes- there was a pretty big crowd who always needed more. They wanted more of x character (then never interacted with my works about him), they wanted more of a particular AU, they wanted sequels to fics, ect. And it's cool to express excitement and a want to read more of an authors work but they were straight up MEAN about it I my dms and on annon. Never publicly, obviously. My breaking point came when I posted a fic and eluded to maybe doing a sequel in the replies. Suddenly, everyone was demanding the sequel be out NOW. When it wasn't out within a week, they got demanding. Claiming that I was just "farming interaction" (??? This is Tumblr be real with yourself) or that I was lazy and "uncomitted" (as if I wasn't drowning in university work.) It felt gross how entitled they felt to my work, to my time, to ME. Like I wasn't a whole ass human with an entire life on the other side if the screen. It genuine took the joy out of creating ANYTHING for awhile. I burnt out hard. I'm only now starting to write again.

And the rise of AI isn't fucking helping anything. I had problems with people taking an AU I wrote and making cha.i bots with it. Someone had the audacity to feed one of my fics to chatGPT and ask it for another fic in my writing. Then send me the fic as if I was going to he stoked or flattered and not betrayed. With AI being so rampant, I really think some of yall forgot that there's still real people spending hours creating the fics you love, and not just typing a prompt into a box.

This sense of extreme entitlement, lack of patience, and refusal to treat creators as human is going to kill fandom I feel it in my bones.

I am...so sorry to vent in your ask box like this, this is not what I intended when I started this. I think I just needed to finally say some of this shit out loud and get it off my chest

OMGGG I am so mad on your behalf after reading this 😭😭 I am so sorry there were people who treated you and your stories that way!!

And I agree with you. I already see how much fandom changed since I started in the JJK fandom three years ago.

I am lucky to still have a really lovely community of people who scream with me about my faves and who are excited for my stories. They make it all worthwhile. I find myself looking forward to sharing a new chapter or a new fic because I know those people will enjoy them and interact with them.

But if that stopped being the case, why would I, or anyone else, still put all that work into posting a story?

I am hugging you 💗 And your stories deserve love and appreciation!!

[letters-to-rosie]

My one oneshot of all time is impossible. 

There are three. Well there are more but I forced myself to stick to three. I'm terrible with choices

'Affection in all the wrong places' by LeBenj 

“You need to stop showing up here,” Ekko says as he unlatches his bedroom window with a loud click.

Without looking at him, Jinx’s lips perk with a hint of a smile. “You need to stop letting me in.”

It's soft and hopeful, with an undertone of hurt, and I love it. 

‘What's broken can still mend’ by MidnightLightHowlite

He hates her as much as she loves him, for nothing good ever happened to people who loved her back. But he cares, and that's different because people who hate you but also care will not forget, because they will forget a kindness but not a curse. People remember curses, remember misfortune if only to avoid it, and she's enough of a sin to be unforgivable.

… 

“You’ve been surviving for so long.” He brings her knuckles to his nose and takes in the gunpowder. When his eyes meet hers they’re frozen. “But have you truly been alive?

So many gems in this fic. It hurts just right. Learning to live and complicated baggage and hope (I might have a thing for that) 

And last one 

‘Why’ by PenguiniShipsIt

‘That's all everyone wanted to do these days. Blow up. Beat everyone up. Hurt someone. End someone.

It got tiring to a point that he'd rather wreck himself than hear everyone around him already wrecked.

And he got what he wanted at the sight of her on his couch. Again.

"Hey." He shook her by the shoulder. "What the hell, Jinx? Is this what we're doing, now? You're just gonna stay here when it—"

She's burning.’

Caring despite all the rightful hesitations, a bit of ridiculousness, and from Ekkos's perspective, an incredulous situation makes for such a good read.

okay I have been super tired, so this took me like 3 days to write lol but we're so back baby here we go!

going one by one:

Affection in all the wrong places is very cute! I like the concept of things having eventually calmed down years later and Ekko and Jinx being able to relate to each other without the mediation of the conflict we see in the show. in some ways it also reminded me of one of my fics, with the whole "years later" thing, and I just think it's fun to see how different authors interpret similar ideas 😊

for What's broken can still mend, I think I actually read this one before I had my account?? I read a lot of CaitVi back then lol but I was just starting to get interested in timebomb. yet the summary sounds familiar...

but anyway, on to the thoughts! this is such a small thing but I love the idea that Vi comes to the Firelight base and plays with kids. I love it so much I might steal it for the end of revolution lol (with credit, naturally). and Ekko deciding not to kill her? wild lol, just wild. a little curious about why then, but hey, it felt very poetic and we can never be mad at that haha also was surprised at how it ended, but I was happy to see that Vi and Jinx made up, because who knows how canon will go 🥲

and for Why!

I feel like I've figured out your pattern lol you like fics where after the events of canon things chill out and Jinx goes to Ekko. and then implied/actual sex haha

the top author's note on this one is so fucking funny lol

I do enjoy Ekko being a bit of a dork here. the first fic I wrote with him in it has him telling bad science jokes lol. but he's also so sassy here which is how he became my favorite Arcane character in the first place, so we love to see that too.

He loved the way she swallowed. around here is when he started to get really terrible and I was so down for it lol. AND it's reciprocal! I like that playfulness coming out with them. you can feel how much they're into each other, and that along with how they're not saying everything (which I feel like is also a commonality between these 3 fics). since this is the longest of the 3 by a good bit, it really comes through, and I like in particular how Jinx is really torn up about the idea of loving him while Ekko is eventually able to convince himself to stop holding back, even though he's still afraid she'll hurt him.

She had seen what happened to people she loved and loved her back.

Not Ekko. Not chubby-cheeked, pouty-faced, sad-eyed, Ekko who hovered around her when she was sick and injured, who tended a nice little garden of friends and firelights, who zipped through the fissures like one of those masked heroes in barbershop stories.

yeahhhhhh this is good shit lol

“Are you aware of any reason she might threaten your safety?”

Yes. I edged her six times and came in her twice.

pffffffft

the end to this one is also really interesting. I would say it's my favorite of the 3. I like how the tension between Ekko and Caitlyn and Vi plays out, though I'm wary of the Firelights being legitimated by Piltover (though Ekko is, too, which is why I love him lol). it's interesting to see them inhabit this space created by all the tension in the world around them. and then, of course, Jinx comes back. more bittersweet than the first 2, but in a way I enjoyed a lot

thank you for sharing! 🥰

[thewatercolours]

4, 5, 8, 10!

4. What is your favourite line you wrote this year?

OK, I am collaring my overthinker brain right now and telling it, "This question is not meant literally. You do not have to comb through everything you wrote this year and do a March Madness bracket." So, I'm going to follow my heart toward a particular fic I feel warmly toward, and pick something from that one:

Hector took a long pull on his own drink, and settled back in his easy chair expansively. He smiled tipsily and wagged a smug finger. “That you’ve got to take the lad in hand at once, for all our sakes. Show him just where he stands.”

Number One stiffened. He set his beer down on the bookshelf, and fixed Hector with a level gaze.”You’re saying I should assert authority over him. Over the king of the land.”

Hector stifled a yawn and waved his hand abstractly. “I’m only saying he needs a little growing up. Nobody’s in a better position than you to make a proper man out of -”

“The Twelfth Edict of Daventry,” said Number One coolly, his stare unwavering. “The Treachery Act. In the case of usurpation of the ruler’s right of authority by action, compass, plan, or suggestion , treason is understood to -”

“Oh, bah!” Hector put aside his tankard as well. His smile stretched wider. But he tugged nervously at the cuffs of his housecoat.“Who’s talking treason?”

“You are.”

Is it my all time favourite? Probably not. But it was really fun to set Graham up to overhear the worst part of the conversation, believing Number One agrees with Hector, and then continue the scene from Number One's point of view after Graham's left, and verbally kick Hector to the curb.

5. What is your favourite book/story/poem you read this year?

Here's a dark, dark secret from a teacher - '24 was not an amazing year for reading for me. I actually did read a fair number of books - but I had problems finishing. Still better than the Gloom Years and their aftermath where not a lot of reading happened at all, though! And I did have some really good reads. Not sure I could pick a favourite, so I will tell you a handful of books I read this year that sparked minor obsessions (which is not quite the same thing, but it makes narrowing down easier.) In which case, I would mention:

"Beowulf" (Did a unit on it with my students and went a bit crazy over it myself. I've never loved it as much as I did this past spring. I kept watching that video of the guy who performs the whole first half of it in Anglo-Saxon with a harp, over and over...)

P. G. Wodehouse's Tales of St. Austin's (gave me this whole idea for an epistolary novella and had me reading and revisiting all the other school stories)

"The Blackberry Bushes" (original fiction by a mutual. I latched on to the characters, and I'm sorry for everyone who follows my Siena-Sevenwits blog, because there were at least a few days where half of it was Blackberry Bushes spam. I'm not quite out of the woods on this obsession yet.)

8. What are three things you're looking forward to next year?

I am going to follow your lead and answer once about writing, once about general creativity, and once about life in general:

On the KQ front, I'm hoping to get back into the rhythm of Path of Kingship and finish it! And write lots of little standalone scenes when the whim takes me. I'm also excited about maybe writing and sharing more original fiction - we'll see!

In terms of general creativity, there's so much I want to do! I made a brainstorm post of some things I'd like to try. One thing that might be coming up in near future is helping my sister run a murder mystery party for her birthday. We used to love to do that, but it's been ages.

One big life hope for this year - I'm hoping the stars will align in such a way that I can move back to the city.

10. Which character(s) turned out differently from what you had planned?

Mm... Clockett didn't change drastically, but his approach to dealing with Graham did. In early draft, Clockett was very straightforward about what he wanted and thought Graham should do. Final draft Clockett almost never says what he's thinking, and prefers to work subtly by affirming everything he thinks Graham wants to hear and quietly steering that in the direction of what he, Clockett, wants. And I mean, none of it's very sinister - he wants Graham to 1) be okay with leading a slightly fancier lifestyle, and 2)let Clockett actually do his job as a valet. But this did mean he went from being a very blunt character to a very light touch character, so I suppose he qualifies for this question.

[psaiouma]

Cupid's Writing Diary - 2/4/25

Entry End of Day February 4th, 2025

As Kiwi inspired us and Bee has started posting these, I wanted to as well! Not that there's much to say, ahaha. [Note: he ended up finding a lot to say LOL]

If you don't want to see these, just block the tag 'Cupid's Writing Diary'. Oh, and they will not be put into the queue like everything else has been.

Wrote roughly 400 words today, which is awesome. I haven't been writing much lately despite how strong of a year I started with. I'm sure this is due to my current distractions but I already wasn't writing before Hello Kitty Island Adventure came out~

I've made the executive decision to stick with one project when it's done. A second project will be picked as a backup in case I need an ADHD switchover distraction, but, again, thanks to HKIA, I do not think that'll be necessary at this time.

I always feel weird saying my fics before they're posted, because I'm worried that'll make them boring when the time comes, but I think talking about the plot for this one won't spoil the fun and magic about it?

So, out of my 29 [yikes] options, I have ultimately decided the one want to work on is a fic I've so lovingly dubbed 'Snautism', a name which is slowly becoming the official title work.

This oneshot project started back in July 2024 when my snake hyperfixation took my life over by storm. And, as all things go since playing Danganronpa in 2020, I immediately had to Saiou it. I'm really excited for the plot of this fic and all of the fun snake facts [about one particular species] I can shove in it. At the end of the day, this one is for fun and just for gushing about my love of snakes/this species. There's also just a morph that I think fits very, VERY well. [Multiple, actually, but one more than the others.] Section 1 is completely done, yay! I'm the type to over-edit and despite editing it 5 times there's still things I'm not satisfied with, but that section is officially ready to go out for beta [not that I'd send it early, it'll all go at the end]. Section 2, however, has been driving me mad SINCE July, honestly. I just cannot make up my mind about the order of events or the feelings of scenes and it's driving me mad. Past me would just write it on passion alone and fix the inconsistencies later smh. Still, I just jumped ahead to a different part today and wrote a good chunk of the first big reveal!! Though I'm worried I'm drawing it out too long that it won't hit as good? Eh, I think I'll leave that one up to the beta as well.

I haven't actually got to talk about what snake it is in the fic, though, and I'm SO excited to do that, because these snakes do something so special that I'm just gidddyyy about how in character I think this is going to be. God I hope the humor in this scene lands ehehe. I've always lived by the rule of 'if it makes you laugh, it'll make others laugh' and thank goodness that hasn't failed me yet!

Well, this was honestly extremely therapeutic! And it made me write so that I had something to talk about lol. Who knows if I'll keep it up. Historically, no I won't. But I'd like to think that it's a good first step. And maybe more people than the same three people I tell everything to knowing might be good for me? Dunno. It's been a long and arduous process picking myself back up from the bootstraps of the hellyear that was 2022, but each lttle bit helps! I can tell I'm a LOT better than I was, and I might even get out more than two Saiou fics this year.

Oop, rambled again. I'm defs a typer/rambler. So thank you for reading if you did. Feel free to send me asks about this project or others! Love talking about writing and reading and Saiou!

[deadgirlwalking91]

For the ask game!! I feel bad but also not really for having so many- and I deleted a few too.

10, 12, 14, 20 ,21 ,23 , 25 & 28

Going back to the final chapter of FWB 😭 ( such mixed emotions )

Oh my God there's so many, I love it 😂😂😂 10, 12 and 28 have already been answered so I'll focus on the other ones!

14. What were your go-to writing songs?

Oooh there were a few...these are the standout ones though:

I Caught Fire - The Used (Thank You for the Venom chapter 17 aka face reveal chapter)

Forget Me Too - mgk feat. Halsey (Thank You for the Venom chapter 9)

Feeling This - blink-182 (At Ease, Lieutenant)

Preaching to the Fire - Age of Madness, Jeremy Jordan (Thou Shalt Not)

20. Share your funniest line

"Respectfully, Sir, go deep throat a cactus." - Lute, Thank You for the Venom chapter 2

21. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

Something that really, really surprised me was how attached I got to Adam and Lute in Forgive Me, Father. The fic was only ever meant to be a one-shot, but by the end I didn't want to let that particular version of them go—and thankfully, neither did @a-dose-of-comatose. I think it was ultimately their personalities and dynamic that made us want to explore them more, which resulted in Thou Shalt Not being created.

23. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

I think writing and finishing chapter 17 of Thank You for the Venom. The face reveal was something I'd had planned for so long, and to finally be able to write that was incredible. Sometimes scenes like that end up drastically different to what was initially imagined, but I'm really happy to say that this played out exactly as I imagined was pretty incredible.

Additionally, I feel like I was able to pull off the subsequent sex scene the way I'd imagined and hoped, too. Reading back over it—especially in comparison to all the other smut I've written—it really felt like the sex was secondary to the emotional connection that was being solidified, which is what I was aiming for.

25. How did you recharge between fics?

What's that? 😂

Just kidding. In the early days when it was just Thank You for the Venom, I'd let myself have a night off writing before getting back on it the next night. Now, it feels a bit like ticking something off my to-do list and then moving onto the next. In 2025 I'm hoping to really cut down on the amount of WIPs I have and (mostly) keep it to TYFTV/TGOY and Thou Shalt Not once I clear my plate. Maybe the odd one-shot here and there, but no more than one!

[lyricfulloflight]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (if you’d like). Spread the self-love ♥️

Thank you @ongreenergrasses! I really dug deep for these answers... I think this may be the first time I have linked anything from my earlier fanfic writing days on Tumblr in about 10 years!

My Top 5:

I Believe You - My first fic ever. On ye olde Fanfiction . net. I should probably move it over to AO3... Anyway, it gets a mention because its the first fanfic I ever shared and that's a big step for any fanfic author. Also, I think its a cool concept and not badly done for my first try at writing fic.

Then Came You - A super cute, (but also a deep look into grief...) Cherik fic. I wrote this for the 2020 Xmen Remix Madness event, based on a wonderful fic by one of my all time favourite Cherik authors - @pinkoptics. I loved playing in the universe she created and the fact that she enjoyed my fic so much is what makes this a top 5 fic (seriously, if I ever get down about my writing I go read her comment about this fic and feel better).

Hollow - another Cherik fic. Written for the 2019 Secret Mutant Exchange. I'm proud of this fic because it took me out of my comfort zone. It is by far the darkest version of Charles I have ever written. And, not to toot my horn or anything, has some of the best lines I've ever written.

To Build A Home - An Immortal Husbands fic (AKA Joe x Nicky from The Old Guard). This was written for A Big Bang event and the art by @notablogtobefollowedunless is fucking sublime! I didn't write much in the Old Guard fandom, but I am proud of what I did contribute and I think this fic is a great representation of my writing in that fandom.

The Consequence of Hiding - The first (and so far only) time I finished a long fic. So proud of myself for this fic. It turned out exactly the way I wanted it to - I had the ending in mind the whole time and even though I knew it might not be what people were expecting, it was well received and turned out how I wanted it to. Not sure I could really ask for much more than that when writing.

Answering this ask was great, but also made me sad to realize I haven't posted anything since 2022. I am currently writing. I always have ideas popping into my head. But the last year in particular has been very tough health wise. I hope to finally post something new next year. Thank to 911 and Buddie, I have been full of fic ideas, which has been so fun :)

[darkpoisonouslove]

1, 2, 5, 7, 12, 19, 26, 33, 39 for yet another writing ask game (I tried to pace myself, believe it or not 🤪)

(Mhm, I can see that! XD)

yet another writing ask

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Why would you do this to me? Don't I already have enough WiPs on my plate? You know this is only ever going to end one way.

I'd say Prey on the Heart. I do like the descriptions of the setting and the worldbuilding but *pinches bridge of nose* Valtor is SO OOC, I'm in literal pain. I don't know what was going on through my head but oh, boy! Then again, it's been almost three years since then and my understanding of the characters has definitely improved plus my headcanon game has evolved too!... Now I feel the need to add that to the pile of WiPs. I. Am. Mad. at. You! 😤

I'm also definitely touching up the three chapters of Gifts Are Given To Be Taken if I ever get to writing the rest. And same for Have No Name for My Heart. That one is such a downer. 😅 I need to rework the tone completely.

2. Anything that you'd like to write but feel like you're unable to?

In general? Murder mysteries. I LOVE murder mysteries (though I'm somehow way better at identifying the red herring (as such) than the actual culprit)! But they require way too much research and that's literally the bane of my existence. So, uh, yeah... that Scream AU for Winx is probably not going to happen.

In particular I feel that I'm unable to write the Winx rewrite. Like, I want to! I have so many cool ideas that I'm excited about! But I lack the motivation and the sheer size of it scares me. Besides, there are so many rewrites out there that it feels like a waste of time to do that when I can be working on Griffin x Valtor (or a Griffin x Faragonda or Marion... or anyone really) fics, which are... mostly my niche (not to monopolize the ship but *looks at the Griffin x Valtor tag on AO3*).

5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

I can't think of one? If I don't want something associated with my account, I just don't post it. But I guess, generally speaking, I wouldn't want to tag something if it's spoilers. AO3 luckily has the "creator chose not to use archive warnings" and you can write an additional tag to the same effect if it's a trope you don't want to tag rather than an archive warning.

7. Your favorite ao3 tag.

I was gonna say I didn't have one but I'm afraid that if my answer here isn't angst, you will hunt me for sport. XD You know I love my pain and tragedy.

12. If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

I write in Bulgarian very rarely anymore. I think the last time was in the beginning of last year and I have only written down a few ideas since then. But the key difference I feel is that I have a much easier time describing things in Bulgarian because the language itself is more descriptive. It's possible that I simply understand it a lot better than English since it's my mother tongue but I have also analyzed some Bulgarian texts and their English translations and while translations can rarely capture the full spirit of the original, I still feel that the Bulgarian language just offers more when it comes to how descriptive words are. Idk if that makes sense.

Another one is that I have a much easier time with varying sentence structure in English. Though, that might be because I've paid special attention to that while I haven't practiced it in Bulgarian... at all.

19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

I want you to know that I have to try so hard to restrain myself from saying at least five different things about this:

She slid a hand between her breasts to touch only flesh instead of her monad necklace that was usually nestled there. Its shine was replaced by the gold she’d threaded into the plunging neckline of her nightgown with her own powers, all on Valtor’s insistence it would bring out her eyes. Despite the darkness trying to creep over her form, a smile was curling her lips at how right he’d been.

A draft disturbed the room, the air moving as if with something shuddering.

Griffin whispered his name. Only once. Like it was some cursed, forbidden knowledge. The power it held was immeasurable – greater than any spell.

Her fingers dipped under her neckline to trace a path for him directly to her heart.

As if offended by its thundering, a lightning tore through the blanket of clouds enveloping the castle.

The flash of light revealed in the mirror a pair of glacial blue eyes, pale skin and maroon fabric that would blend together with her nightgown perfectly if not for the gold threads distinguishing where her form ended and his began.

The darkness surged over the room once again a moment later, greedy, great enough to swallow even him, making it look like she was a lonely island surrounded only by empty air and the hazy glow of her magic. Yet, even that omnipotent cover failed to hide him from her.

He was silent, motionless, not even a gasp of breath coming from him to make the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. The magic that had clung to her day and night had evaporated, leaving only a hollowness behind, a cold that made her shiver as if she’d been thrown out in the storm.

It didn’t matter.

She was dressed for him, in her favorite nightgown she hadn’t worn for anyone else – a tribute to him. She’d only needed to call his name once and he’d come running. He wasn’t leaving here until she was ready to let him go, until all the cards were on the table, everything revealed. No more distant voyeurism and half-lies, only naked truth.

26. What would you describe as OOC?

A behavior or action that isn't properly supported by the previously established characterization. For fics specifically, a character isn't OOC if the story took the time to take them from their canon self to the person that they are in the fic but there has to be a hint at least of why they are the way they are.

33. Give your writing a compliment.

You know, I'm starting to like my descriptions more and more! I'm learning to focus more on the vibes and that makes it easier to pinpoint which parts I need to describe. I was panicking about this one description I needed to do recently and then I ended up getting it almost perfect right away!

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?

I answered this here.

[thus-spoke-lo]

I got tagged by @blondeboyfriend in an author self-rec game and i feel so weird about promoting myself (hell, i do like one srb and feel like i've done something wrong sometimes lmao) BUT...here are my five favorite things I've written, with director's commentary.

Pain Management (Trafalgar Law x reader, 18+): I'd written stuff before that was personal to me in ways, but never like this. This was therapy, lol. It was the longest I've spent writing for one character in particular (if you add up my one-shorts, drabbles, and this, I've easily spent 50-60k words on Law), and I feel like it gave me a better understanding of how to write him, but also a better appreciation of him in canon, weirdly? Also just has some of my favorite smut I've churned out (the supply closet in Ch. 6...sigh).

A Ride for a Ride (Roronoa Zoro x reader, 18+)/Compliments to the Chef (Sanji x reader, 18+): I'm smooshing these together since they're for the same collab, and damn were these so stupid and fun to write--like, I have yet to have more fun writing than when I write for @/bastardblvd's collabs and prompts. I usually adhere to canon AU, so to go SO far out of canon that I'm not even in like, modern AU, but in Slimeball Canon-verse...was incredible. (Also, that scene with Sanji and the cigarette...god that was hot to write.)

The Taste of Love on Your Tongue (Sanji x reader, SFW): I adore the melancholy vibe of this so much. I wrote this after spending a week across the country with my parents, playing caretaker for my mom and getting the house ready for my dad, who had hip surgery and was going to be coming home from hospice shortly after I left. It was late, my plane was delayed, and I desperately wanted someone to comfort me, so I wrote this.

Like Alcohol Vapors (Roronoa Zoro x reader, SFW): Aw, baby's first angsty fic! I really liked the feelings of yearning in this, it feels visceral to me--I feel that ache from both of them. And it was, I think, some of the better back-and-forth dialogue I've done, too.

Meant to Be Yours (Doflamingo x reader, 18+): This was the first fic I went fully feral in writing--I started it during my work day, on my phone in the notes app, then stayed up until 6 am writing/editing because I had such an itch I needed to scratch. I'd written dub-con, but not...extremely dub-con before, so this was interesting to try to keep sexy and from being a little too non-con adjacent. Also the beginning of my descent into Doflamingo madness, so there's that.

No-pressure tags: @sanjis-all-blue, @quinloki, @downforsanji, @swampstew, and literally anyone and everyone, this is a fun reminder of how good at stuff you can be.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Interested in your answers for 17 and 19 of the choose violence ask game, if you'd like to share them! Thank you :)

I was halfway through answering when I realized I totally misread the ask game. It is... not intended to be as dark as I made my answers, I think... oh well! I'm sticking to my guns. Anyone who's read my stuff knows this is a dead dove household lol

17. There should be more of this kind of fic/art

Oh man I'm about to Reveal Myself, but... I think KP as a whole could really use more noncon/dubcon, but KimChay especially (and Kim specifically). I read a fic a looong time ago when I first entered the fandom, it was like 400 words, and I'm not gonna name it in case the author doesn't want to be attached to it, but it was so good. Essentially Chay is very enthusiastic in the smut and Kin can't bring himself to say no, and I just!!! That is the good shit to me. I feel like especially post-reconciliation, Kim is exactly the kind of person that would overcompensate for breaking Chay's heart by giving him everything he wants. (i may be writing a fic about this already, called Stress Relief. That may or may not ever be posted. That may or may not be based on my own personal trauma. Anyway.) On a lighter note! I want to see more AUs! I'm a bit spoiled coming from the TW fandom, which is like. One of the most prolific fandoms on Ao3. But mannn, I want to see KimChay writers branch out and get absolutely unhinged with their AUs!

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Lets be real. My first answer was non-con. There's really not a lot I'm ashamed about lol. I mean I've got like 3 different tentacle monster fics in the works, I've got a Wuju Bakery fic that's 90% slime and oviposition (technically still up for debate. Eggpreg?). I'm all in on the things I like, and don't care/think much about the things I don't. I think I've been in fandom long enough, and gotten old enough, that I just... don't have time to waste on being awkward anymore. Lose your shame! Cast off your shackles! That said I used to think rimming was really gross and I don't like it irl but there are some people who just write it like. unf. Hot damn. I'm a little mad at @ae-azile for that one chapter of Progression 👀

Also not mad/ashamed/horrified, but I was surprised at how much I love reading autistic Kim and writing trans!Kim. For the first one I think the writers in this fandom do an excellent and convincing job at characterizing him (esp @kimkhimhant my beloved <3) without infantilizing him, which... happens a lot with autistic characters. Like, the writing is so spot on that I didn't even question in, I pretty much immediately assimilated that into my mental rolodex of headcanons. 10/10 A+ effort for everyone around.

The trans!Kim aspect is also really fun. I'd never really written trans characters before, but this past year, and the past couple of months especially, I've been really struggling with my own gender and identity. So writing about that through Kim has been really therapeutic. (Adding to my first answer, we need more trans!Kim!) Although... I do hope that the particular way I've chosen to explore his gender in Dystocia is.. taken gracefully. Since it does revolve around Kim having a very traumatic pregnancy (and a lot of other trauma in general), which I know can be triggering for people. Whenever I eventually post that monster of a fic I'm just going to liberally tag it with all the things and hope for the best lol.

I think Dystocia and Stress Relief are two fics that I'm incredibly nervous to post, both because of how personally significant they are to me in a way most of my fics aren't, and because they're both very dark, which IDK if that's something people really want to see from KimChay (esp in Stress Relief).

Anyway! This is a lot wordier and darker than it probably needed to be, and IDK if it's what you were looking for dear anon, but thank you for the ask!

[violentlyviolettripledecker]

A quick note about youth and virginity

Not that anyone asked, but I've been thinking about it.

In Water and Earth, Mandy is a virgin. She's also pretty young (to me), only 20. I feel like there are compelling reasons for her virginity as far as her characterization goes, but it's not generally a storyline I like to pursue. I'm actually struggling to think of any other fanfiction I have written with a virgin character.

The reason Mandy is a virgin is because when I first started this story, Mandy was a completely different person. I wanted to put someone totally innocent and naive in with the Shelbys and see what happened. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm implying anything about virgins, because I'm not, but the person I was writing about was waaayyy too easy. She was a people-pleaser, and too willing to let Tommy Shelby set the pace. It was just...kind of boring. So when I scrapped it and went back to the beginning, I wrote a totally different kind of person, but still a virgin, as that was something I still wanted to play with. This was a mistake! And one I don't know how to fix now (beyond the obvious).

I also started writing an Alfie Solomons/OFC fic.

It's a crime, an actual crime, that Alfie had so few scenes and was naked in none of them. I had to watch Locke, like, three times to get over how much I needed to see Tom Hardy in a relationship.

Mandy and Tommy were (and are) taking their sweet effing time getting naked - 60,000+ words I've written and I only just wrote the first orgasm. I'm so mad. So the Alfie/OFC fic was sort of like, a place where I could take all of my sexual tension and get SOME resolution.

But I made a mistake. The OFC in this other fic is also 20. She is also a virgin. It just seemed to fit with Alfie. The woman that was too easy with Tommy, a people-pleaser, someone naive and innocent, was actually interesting with Alfie. Not that Tommy isn't chivalrous, but he doesn't have the same nurturing/protective instincts that seem a little more natural to Alfie, at least the version I've written, so the tension just wasn't there.

Anyway, as I say, literally no one has asked me to explain myself, but I feel like I needed to. Maybe just to explain myself to myself. If I write more for the Peaky Blinders universe, I swear I will only write about the sluttiest sluts who have ever slutted (I mean, I don't know, maybe I could write about male virginity, because that's not explored enough). (Side note: spell check has no problem with the word slutted? I'm going to have to find a way to work that particular past participle into conversation a lot more.) I myself do not have a virginity kink, I don't believe that women have to be virgins and that men have to be sexually experienced, and I think the whole concept of virginity has been weirdly fetishized in Western culture and I find it very weird that I have unintentionally become a part of it. What can I say, I was raised in an evangelical household, and even as an adult, I am still working through a lot of that, apparently.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

I just randomly thought about your Switched At Birth one shot again and can I just say, I think it’s so remarkable that you have written so many one shots that are so interesting that I find myself every once in a while thinking of them and trying to fill in the gaps in my head? This one in particular because there’s so many tropes it could fulfil while also being totally unique that I’m genuinely obsessed.

I used to only read book!canon fics but you have converted me into a modern setting AU stan. Can I also just say that I’m so grateful for you choosing to write your modern AUs based on the books and not the show (aka calling Asha by her actual name and not Yara? I swear a fic could be so well written it’d deserve a Pulitzer but if I read the names Yara or Talisa a part of me immediately gets turned off and I have to force myself to continue reading… same with mentions of past Sansa x R*ms*y).

Idk I just wanted to show you some love. I’ve had a really terrible year so far but going back into the fandom (after The Dreadful announcement lmao) and discovering your account (alongside a handful of other fantastic writers) has been a bright spot.

Allllsooooo I recently dreamed that the GOT cast was on Love Island (Luv Oisland)… I blame the Bachelor story for that idk. I don’t even like reality tv!

Anon, this is so sweet!!

I think that was one of the first prompt fics I ever wrote! Some of my favorite fics come from prompts, so shoutout to the people who send me them (even if I haven't written one in a while...)

I'm so, so sorry you've had a bad year, and I hope it gets better! It was so nice to see people pop back up after the Dreadful announcement! And there are some really really excellent writers in the fandom, even if it's not as active as it was during the show's heyday.

Also I love the idea that you're dreaming about reality TV because of my fic that is HILARIOUS.

As for the books vs show... I'm gonna put that under the cut cause I feel like my opinions on the show & show-based fic might offend some people lol.

I don't write show canon for a reason haha.

I don't like most of the later show characterizations - sad sack Jon in particular, but I've also expressed on here before that I'm not the biggest fan of bondage dress bitchy side-eye Sansa who tells the Hound that no, it was a good thing she was raped and abused, actually, because now she's a strong woman :) She wasn't before, before she was weak and silly and it took being sexually assaulted to be Better. Girl power! Ugh. They completely abandoned the parts of her character I love (her softness, her dreaminess, and especially her political astuteness when dealing with a mad ruler. Like, jesus, the way she was SO BAD at dealing with Dany still infuriates me). Despite all that, she's still one of my favorites on the show... not that that's saying a lot lol all the characters sucked by the end.

And I especially don't like a lot of the show-only decisions. Sansa being given to Ramsay, Arya becoming a literal psychopath mass murderer, the horrible way they did Dany's villain turn, Jon being exiled even though the people demanding it LEAVE THE COUNTRY AND THE KING IS HIS BROTHER-COUSIN. Even stuff as seemingly small as Talisa (the entire plot revolving around her and how it changes Robb's story, not necessarily the character herself).

Don't get me wrong, the show has some great moments, and I will forever be grateful for the Jonsa stuff in s6, because I don't know if I'd be a shipper without it (I didn't ship them when I was just reading the books because I didn't really think about it), but to me, the show is a wash and I cannot reconcile the decisions made. No fix-it will ever fix it for me, and I genuinely dislike anything that involves prior Sansa/Ramsay.

well, this went longer than I thought. I could literally rant about how bad the end of the show was forever

[seeingivy]

hii!

im sorry for bothering you and i hope this is not offending, but i was just wondering when will you release labor of love? i miss satoru soo much and that series really hooked me up and i miss it too. i hope ur doing fine and im not trying to force you to write it, im just wondering. luv ya<3

hi anon! thank you for asking in such a respectful way, I truly really appreciate it. for interest of transparency, I most likely will not be continuing labor of love.

there's a few reasons, that i'll briefly address because I feel like I owe it to the people that were genuinely excited to read and support the story but also as a way to kind of assert my boundaries with my stories moving forward. none of this applies to you anon, but more to other people, because you really are one of like five people who have respectfully interacted with me about this story. i'll just use your ask as my way to address it, kind of a one and done if you will.

one thing I kind of love to do with my stories is like an insane amount of fan service. the last few chapters of my fic roommates that I wrote were just me trying to include all the little things people wanted - things that people had mentioned to me like I want him to kiss the scars, I want this taylor song mentioned, etc. etc. because I knew it would make people happy to read it and I loved the ideas.

that being said, the feedback I received about labor of love kind of turned me off from the story all together. I had multiple people asking me not to include angst (which was a major part of that story in particular), asking me to make them kiss early on (which I did even though that wasn't in my plan), then other people getting mad at me for rushing it (are we seeing a pattern) - it just kind of got to a point where I would go to write the chapter of the story and in the back of my mind get so frustrated/sad with it because I knew I would get a barrage of comments that would make me feel horrible.

and I know that criticism is normal and that this is a me problem and im the one who needs to fix myself, but really I started writing these stories as a way for me to kind of escape and enjoy myself from the normal stressors of life. as a raging people pleaser, my stories are the one place where I get to have control and see things work out the way I wanted. I don't want to take that away from my writing because some part of getting to control things the way I do is so healing for me personally, after things I've been through, and I don't want to be controlled into doing something I don't want ever again.

all in all, I kind of just lost all my drive for writing labor of love. i do want to write gojo fics in the future, and hope that people will be more receptive to it, and i do still write for gojo. another thing is a lot of anons just usually send me messages like right after I post something eren related usually that "omg you don't write for gojo anymore" or "I post too much about eren" which kind of just makes me guilty writing on here. it kind of got to a point where I fully had fics ready but I literally had to wait until I posted a gojo fic in the middle just so I wouldn't get comments like that.

in general, just be kinder to the writers on this app - me and others - because it can genuinely be discouraging and offputting to feel this way in the place I intended as a safe space for myself. and please don't take this as a message to not send me requests or ideas for stories that i'm writing, because I do really love them. just don't ask me to change the entire plot of my story or to delete a chapter I literally just posted because you didn't like it.

[kyluxtrashpit]

May I ask why under construction is going to be your final kylux fic?? I'm gonna miss your writing for them if that becomes true 😭

So I talked a little bit about this on twitter, but tbh should’ve here both because half my audience is here and also because tumblr actually has the room for a complete explanation without worrying about character limits lmao

At this point, I don’t intend to stop writing star wars stuff completely if that’s any comfort. I have some renbens I want to do/finish, also a recent bentai idea, plus who knows what inspiration will strike. Even kylux inspo is possible, especially if we get new stuff at some point (like perhaps that comic in august). Nothing is set in stone here. I never thought I’d actually be at a point where this fic feels finishable lmao, yet here I am, so who knows

However, I have been writing kylux for over 7 years now. I posted that moodboard on my anniversary of the first fic I published, though I was reading fic and stuff for a few months before that as well. And it’s just… after this fic is complete, I’m not sure I’ll have anything left to add to kylux, you know? With it, I feel like I’m saying everything that I want to say about them. Writing this, as both rough and rewarding a journey it has been, feels a lot like closure to me. Tbqh I’m expecting a lot of people not to like the subject matter or agree with some things regarding this fic, but for the first time in a while, it really is about me and what I want. It’s a story I have to tell - that’s why it’s driven me mad for 3.5 years lmao. And after it’s done? I’m not sure what will be left to say. Maybe something, in which case more kylux will happen, but also maybe nothing. Essentially, I’m preparing both myself and the people I care about in this fandom (including lovely readers like you) for the latter just in case it is what happens, even though it may not. Maybe when I post it, it’ll get a ton of love and I’ll get flooded with sudden inspo. But maybe not. Everything has to end eventually, sadly, and this just feels to me like an ending, like the closing of a chapter. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s just the feeling I have. I’m going with my gut here rather than a specific plan

Also, as much as I have people in this fandom I truly care about and adore and I have people who care about and like me, whether we’re close friends, mutuals, or just a follower and a person that have never spoken to each other yet the care is there regardless, there’s also some elements to this fandom that are not so great. I know a lot of people who’ve been driven out. I myself was cancelled on twitter for running a particular event and the rest of the fandom hasn’t treated me the same since. The fandom has changed a lot in those 7 years, some of which is for the better, and some of which I think we could’ve done without. Plenty has also stayed the same; both the good and the bad. And I think the fandom as it is today and what I want to get out of it are just unfortunately incompatible. It’s no ones fault, but sometimes a space isn’t giving you what you need it to. I wish it could still give me that, I really really do, but right now it just seems it can’t. And that’s not the entirety of the reason, but it is a factor as to why I’m not as interested in continuing as I once was. I’m just not getting what I need out of the fandom right now. Again, everything is mutable, but it’s felt that way for a bit now

All that being said though, kylux will still very much exist on this blog. I still very much enjoy the ship and I don’t have a new fandom to move to permanently as of yet, so reblogs will continue, as will shitposting and memes and all of it. I recently finished collecting all the tweets I want to preserve here, so there will be an influx of posts, ficlets, memes, all of it, that will be coming sometime in the near future (whenever I have the energy to actually start the process lmao). This is still the kyluxtrashpit, after all lmao

So I’m not leaving the fandom by any stretch, it’s just that I feel like this fic will say all the things I have left to say about kylux. And because the fandom space isn’t giving me what I’m looking for at the moment, I have less interest in seeking out inspiration and rather am letting ideas to come to me, which at present I just don’t have any more beyond this fic. I could be wrong and who knows, maybe there’s another 7 years of kylux ahead of me lmao. But I want everyone who’s supported me at any point during these last 7 years to know ahead of time that it is very possible for this to be my last fic for kylux because I think that’s the least I can do for you all