maguslil

[maguslil]

To All Those That Have Reached Out

It's been a very bad few weeks, and I haven't exactly tried to be subtle about it on tumblr lately. I've gotten tired of bottling up the persecutions and backhanded slaps from my brother and sister from the entire world, and tumblr is one of the few platforms I'll vent about them on.

Sincerely, thank you to those people - mutuals, followers, and outright strangers alike - who reached out to me over these past awful few weeks. I haven't had the ability to get back to everyone yet because my health is taking a nosedive again and I haven't been able to expend the kind of emotional energy to communicate and get back to everyone quickly without risking another backslide. I need surgery soon, and I'm trying my hardest to lower my stress levels and focus on my health. I'm autistic, so overshooting my social energy can really be bad for my general health.

From offers to doordash groceries to my house, to offers just to listen, I've wept over the amount of concern and compassion that I've received over the past days. I am not exaggerating, to those who have sent me a message, that your shared sympathies, concerns, advice, and care have been above and beyond anything I've received from my siblings in over 10 years. Backdraft is a helluva symptom when you've been taught from childhood to believe your very birth was the cause of your older sibling to hate and abuse you. My sister resents me for being born and taking my mom's attention away from her (she has openly admitted this to our mother), while my brother resents me for my mental and physical disabilities and has taken to taking his angst and childish pettiness out on our mother as a way of punishing me. I've been ashamed of the little brother I spent so much of my life devoted to bringing up well that I barely recognize him anymore.

I was recently taught the phrase, "Never hold water for your oppressors, because they will never let you have a drink," and I've been taking it to heart. I hate to think of my brother and sister as oppressors or anything but people I want more than anything to see how much I've sacrificed, changed, endured, and given up out of love for them, but staying on the island they've marooned me on will only result in a sad end when I have the opportunity to set my own sails for other waters. Even my mother has washed her hands of my siblings, feeling just as used and taken advantage of by them as I've felt unfairly persecuted and judged. My siblings are extremely myopic, self-centered, and selfish people that never deserved the time and effort I put in to showing them how much I loved and cared for them.

I'm thankful to have grown up as part of one of the generations that celebrates found family, because it's made it impossible for me to feel completely hopeless about the future.

Opening up to one of my best and only friends of over 10 years has resulted in what may turn out to be a happy change. My mom and I would benefit from another person in the house, and after several tense and nerve-wracking talks with him, my best friend will be visiting for a couple of weeks soon. Given that he's queer and his is one of the states that flipped red this past horrifying election while I live in Washington, it just seems to make sense that we at least meet up in a safe state and see how we go together and if he likes it here.

My mom is thrilled to the point of practically flying to him herself and carrying him piggy-back here overnight. She's an incredibly stoic person in the face of abuse, but I know my brother's disrespect and outright rudeness to her recently has been hurting her.

I can't wait for when my friend visits and if he finds he wants to settle here, either as a housemate or in his own place (although real estate prices are skyrocketing in WA right now due to a rush of former red-staters fleeing here in the wake of November 6th's election results). We met here on tumblr not long after I first joined the site to promote and work on a webcomic series I was involved in at the time, and our friendship turned out to outlive the comics. I'm very excited for the opportunity to see him and spend face-to-face time with someone I've loved like another brother for years.

Things are still bumpy, and if you haven't heard from me after messaging me, please know that I've probably seen your messages and taken them to heart. My dark spells still come and go, and there are times where I still get trapped in feeling hopeless and lonely, but I'm working on it.

[maguslil]

Make no mistake, this still hurts. (A lil AU I made for Anya really). She awoke from a nightmare. All the words from those around her on Earth, every opinion and perspective she never asked for came crashing down on her. Even in this beautiful moment she is haunted by what Jimmy did to her, her choice for abortion. Anya feels a mix of sadness, hatred and resentment to those that think she needs to take responsibility for something she never wanted to happen. Daisuke doesn't judge her. He is attracted not only to her as a person but her strength. She still carried on with her life alone even after surviving the crash. You can't find someone as strong as that. Anya is more than a victim in his eyes. It's the pain of overcoming not just the SA but the trauma afterwards.

[maguslil]

dead pixel

[maguslil]

i would like to clear this up for those who are interested in my thought process behind this piece! my recent mouthwashing pieces are all done from the perspective of jimmy, and this one is no exception.

while i am aware the dead pixel symbolizes jimmy in-game, i decided to play around with that idea a little, in the sense that i believe what he did to anya lingers in the back of his mind too (albeit in a much different way than it does in anya’s). her dead pixel metaphor is used against herself here because it’s from jimmy’s perspective as something he wants to evade the consequences of, to ignore, but is inevitably still something that makes its presence known.

i also used the pixel to censor anya’s face in this (and drew her more as a silhouette for this reason as well!) to further accentuate that point, as well as hint at how jimmy views her as a person.

this isn’t related to the question in the reblog, but i still think it’s worthy to mention- the fact that this piece is done from jimmy’s point of view is also why he’s looking away from anya’s silhouette.

again, to him, his actions and what he did to her are only something he’s trying to actively turn away from instead of face the consequences for head on. it’s symbolic of the fact that anya never shows up as herself in his hallucinations, only her baby.

i’m unsure if i should tag the person who reblogged as i’m not sure how they would feel about that, and i apologize for any poor wording in my explanation. sometimes verbalizing my thoughts in english is hard, and it’s not my native language!

but i hope this provided some insight into my art nonetheless. i’m very thankful from all the support from this community!!

[maguslil]

(A lil redraw.) Curly is still a lil high from the Molly they just shared, but his words are honest. A bit too honest.

[maguslil]

Our Moonlight Lady~ This is what I'd think if Daisuke and Anya dated. Anya is so beauti9ful. I know she hides her features. Curvy women tend to do that to not draw attention. But Daisuke likes her for her. And that's what's sweet.

[maguslil]

[maguslil]

#possessivness at it's finest

⚠️ curly x jimmy

[maguslil]

Thoughts on Jimmy

Idk who vibes with this idea, but I have to write it down.

I head-cannon that Jimmy had internalized homophobia or is unaware of his feelings for Curly.

My reasoning is rather simple. We don't know why Jimmy SA'd Anya. As far as I can deduce, he isn't attracted to her. Not sexually or with interest. The only thing we know about Anya's relationships with the other crew members is that she games with Daisuke, she talks to Swansea, and she gets along well with Jimmy enough to talk and confide in him.

I Always wanted to know why he even attacked her.

Since the only one close enough to Curly is Jimmy.

Perhaps he felt threatened by Anya.

Jealousy.

Annoyance?

Maybe the fear she might report him. But I feel like it had to do with her connection with Curly. Might be a stretch but I can't shake that feeling.

As for the other reason, I feel like if you really hated it envied someone you wouldn't idolize them let alone cannibalize them like how Jimmy did with Curly. It goes a bit further than wanting to be like him and more him desiring it to be just them two again. As he references them working as a team multiple times. He tends to ignore the other members unless it's to guilt trip Curly.

It can be paired with the classic case of not knowing your own feelings for someone of the same gender. And when he realizes it it's too late. (Could be another reason why he blew his brains out. Why Polle asked "Why are you still worried about him then?").

[maguslil]

as it was promised

[maguslil]

Jimmy's Casual Outfit NGL, I have zero idea what to call this point in the timeline or if it's an AU. I'll say BLH (Before Last haul) Timeline. This is the outfit I have Jimmy wear when he goes out with Curly. It's a bit nicer than his usual wardrobe. (He doesn't wanna appear super broke when standing near Curly. Not like the other cares). I imagine him as a guy from Brooklyn, maybe Italian decent. (Thanks who ever mentioned it as a headcannon in the Mouthwashing Community). I say track marks loosely. Jimmy isn't a drug addict but he does take drugs like Molly and 'Mary Jay'. The only time he shoots up is when his 'old buddies' convince him to do it for a 'under the table gig'. Curly doesn't want this life style though so going out with bandages is a must especially so Curly can't see. The Polle Bracelet was something he got when he took a job tour. He only wears it cuz he lowkey likes horses. Thank @ellouchi otherwise I wouldn't have drawn this-- (I may or may not do Curly cuz lord I hate drawing his hair--))

[maguslil]

DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL SPOTTED! WHO IS SHE???

Today this individual has been identified as the serial graffiti artist painting over factory buildings in outer-Mercia. Please contact the nearest Legatus if you are in possession of useful information.

-From a poster left barely adhered by The Ventriloquist Bar

[maguslil]

Easy Money, just a day or two right? What if he actually worked those few days? What if he was going to leave...?

[maguslil]

Jimmy's Fondest Memory is....

A little thought bubble I had about how Jimmy may have become Co-Pilot for Curly or how it was announced. Psst, this was after Curly's birthday party.

[maguslil]

Kills 99.9% of All Germs -Anya-

[maguslil]

DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL SPOTTED! WHO IS SHE???

Today this individual has been identified as the serial graffiti artist painting over factory buildings in outer-Mercia. Please contact the nearest Legatus if you are in possession of useful information.

-From a poster left barely adhered by The Ventriloquist Bar

[maguslil]

Reverse: 1999 but it's every time Eve has to do a Double-Take

Damn, people in Chicago really have it tough, huh?

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DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY IT DON'T---

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This is one of the funniest bosses ever, I mean, LOOK at it! They HAD to go along with the female torso, they had to put the gorgeous golden corset vine thing on it, pick the colour of the skin to make it terrible and censure the blood pouring out of her head--- and then, all of Hypogryph were stumped as they realized they HAVE to censure the nipple as well. This is both perfection and the worst curse I have been graced with.

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Me: *Washing dishes* Pavia: *Yapping something about the rain again* Me: *It becomes a little too quiet* "???" Me: *Glances at screen, sees Pavia GONE* Me: *Looks away and then notcies----* "!!!!!"

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We interrupt this program to mention that THE GOOD BOY IS HERE THE GOOD BOY IS HERE ALL I NEED TO GET MY HANDS ON IS 6 AND ZIMA AND I WILL HAVE THE FULL TEAM OF CUTIES THAT I WANTED.

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I just realized the name of this attack is 'Poor Sod'...

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Aggressively tucking him into bed, so fast they create an Olympic sport after it.

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ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ЗИМА ДОБРЕ ДОШЪЛ УДОМА MY LITTLE SIBERIAN DUMPLING

O, he is getting MAXED

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Zima: "Can I not go?" Me: "It's going to be fine, just a little battle, you won't even get a scratch." *Starts level without looking at the requirements* Zima: *Is chosen to 1v1 this guy* Me: Zima: Me: Zima: Me: "I mean, you were unharmed, you oneshot him." Zima: *Never speaks to me again*

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Pspspsppspspspspspspspspspsps, SIX, COME ON OUT, I HAVE YOUR Sisterfriend with me.