#i feel like i may have talked about some of these before but i'm not sure

[lady-griffin]

Powder in Pretend Like It's the First Time

It’s my firm belief that while she may not have figured out everything (because honestly how could she), Powder did know that the Ekko she’s been spending time with wasn’t her Ekko, long before she saw the two different Ekkos.

Personally, I think it’s when Ekko showed her the crystal shards because I think her Ekko knows she still has the gemstones and if he wanted to make something with them... well he would’ve known she had them.

Plus a few other things –

She looked surprised by him lighting the incense for Vi, which I can’t believe is something her Ekko has never done; especially since it looked like she was offering the stick to him so he could light some himself when they first visited the altar.

Her slightly heartbroken face when she leaves the lab to start getting ready for the party.

But also, the way she looked at him when he was carving one of the little monkeys.

It’s a loving look, but also a sad one as well... it feels like she’s starting to develop feelings for this Ekko, while also missing her Ekko.

Because I can't imagine she isn't missing him, he's her best friend and the love of her life - as much as the two Ekkos are alike, it's still not her Ekko.

Finally, there’s her not being confused by Ekko asking if they can pretend like it’s the first time.

She has to know that's not her Ekko and maybe this is just the Timebomb slugs in my head, but when she was hurt and disappointed that he didn’t want to kiss her it felt more like – 'oh I read our friendship wrong and you’re not interested' kind of reaction rather than a 'my boyfriend and I haven’t kissed for days let alone anything else and now he just pulled away from me seriously are we breaking up' kind of reaction.

And honestly, what a weird experience for this girl; I mean it’s million times nicer than anything Jinx has experienced, but still, what a truly bizarre thing for her to go through.

But also talk about true love –

She trusts Ekko because it’s still Ekko, even though she doesn’t know exactly what they’re trying to do with the Z-Drive and also Ekko essentially body snatched her boyfriend.

She doesn’t confront him about any of it – which could just be because it’s one thing to think to yourself “that’s not my boyfriend” versus saying it out loud.

But again, just the way she looks at him. I'm obsessed!!

Seriously, I’m fascinated with all the little micro expressions she has when looking at our Ekko and yeah... I love these two genius idiots so goddamn much, no matter what universe or version of them.

[weepingwillowwonder]

Gimme another NSFW RadioApple x GN!Reader ❤️💛[MDNI 🔞]

CW: Daddy kink, Dom Luci/Sub Reader, Voyeurism (Alastor), Dirty Talk, Penetration, Luci being a lil rough

---

"Do you think Luci would like being called daddy…?" Lost in thought, the words slip from your lips without restriction. 

"I beg your pardon?" Alastor lowers the book in his hands, eyebrows knitting together in confusion as he questions your completely random inquiry. Your eyes widen slightly at his reaction and a wave of embarrassment comes over you from asking so shamelessly. 

"You know..." you start, flustered by the need to explain yourself. 

"If you mean as a term of endearment from his daughter, I'm sure he would be elated to be referred to as such." He comments uninterestedly, returning back to his book with a flip of a page. 

"No, no. I mean calling him daddy as in like daddy…" Alastor raises an eyebrow, indicating he's still listening to you despite him seeming distracted with his book. "Like in bed or something..." Amused, Alastor repeats back what you say in a condescending tone.

"Or something, hm? As I understand it, you're asking if Lucifer would like to be referred to as daddy during intercourse. Is that correct?" You look away and give him a shy nod. "And may I ask what brought about this inquiry?" Your bottom lip pokes out in a pout before you ask accusingly.

"Am I not allowed to just ask a question?" While he doesn't say anything about the sudden change in attitude, you note the quiet hum he gives and the crossing of his legs. 

"Maybe you should ask him for yourself." He makes eye contact with you from above his book with a mischievous look. Your lips purse together. There's no way in hell you'd actually- 

"Ask who what?" The sound of the voice behind you has you practically jumping out of your skin. 

"L-Luci!" You let you a squeak of his name and quickly scramble to sit up, looking in his direction. He gives you a charming smile as he closes the portal behind him. Lucifer quickly approaches you with a gentle hand on your cheek and presses a soft kiss to the other before making his way into the room. Shedding his hat and suit jacket, he catches you watching him undo his bow tie and sticks his tongue out in a playful manor. 

"Sooo who are we asking stuff?" He comes to hover next to Alastor, stopping to give him an affectionate squeeze on his shoulder. Alastor responds by silently placing a hand on top of his. Even if only for a moment, you feel a flutter in your chest watching the two subtly show each other affection. 

"I believe our darling has something to ask you." The grin on Alastor's face grows sharply as he takes in every bit of your embarrassment. 

"Oh? Well what do you have to ask me?" Lucifer moves closer to you on the bed and kneels in front of you with a gentle smile on his face, completely unsuspecting of your less than innocent thoughts. 

"I..erm...Well I was wondering what you were off doing today! You were gone for an awfully long time, so uh...what did you do today?" You mentally facepalm yourself, why are you such a bad liar? Alastor scoffs in the background and Lucifer eyes you carefully before responding. 

"Hmmm, well I had a few meetings, finished up some paperwork, and you know, other important royal duties." He leans forward and slides both of his hands along the outside of your thighs. 

"Ah well! That sounds quite eventful!" You nod, fighting the urge not to look away as you try your best to not seem suspicious.  He hums slightly, seemingly looking straight through your facade. 

"So what did you really have to ask me?" Your eyes immediately avert as he questions you again. 

"I'm not sure what you me-," He stands up to hover over you now, one hand coming to rest on his hip while the other tucks under your chin. He lifts your chin to face him and you sucks in a quiet breath when you catch the playful look in his eyes. 

"Oh honey, don't play that game with me." You glance over at Alastor for assistance, but Lucifer's voice and his grip on your chin has your eyes snapping right back to him. Your fingers twitch as you fight the urge to relieve some of the building pressure between your legs. "He can't help you baby~" He purrs as he leans in closer…

~~~

"Mm, f-fuck Luci...!" The whimper leaves your lips in a sputter as he presses further into you, his hips rolling slowly to get deeper inside.

"Mhm...tell me about it baby~" His voice lowers slightly as he playfully mocks your cries, soft pants coming from him as he keeps rolling his hips into you..

You let out an embarrassing groan as he bottoms out and hang your head low, trying your best to take in the overstimulating pleasure he gives you. With your brain foggy with lust, you find enough clarity to remember the reason you were in this particular situation. 

"Come on sweetheart, tell me how good you feel," he says, voice dripping with desire before breathlessly chucking to himself. "...or are you already too fucked out to answer?" His teasing words and condescending tone has you crying out for him. 

"So good daddy!" His grip tightens noticeably and his hips stutter to a still in their movement. 

"W-what did you just say...?" He asks lowly, wide eyes boring in the back of your head before glancing up at Alastor's pleased grin. 

"No,no,no, please!" You whine desperately trying to fuck yourself back against him, but he stops you with a firm hold on your hips. Before you realize, you're being pulled back with a hand on your throat, your back now flush against his chest. 

"Honey, I asked you a question." You realize quickly the underlying danger hiding behind his tone as he mumbles in your ear. He's not asking you to answer him, he demanding you to. 

Making eye contact with Alastor from your position, you lick your lips. With a shaky breath you answer him in the sultriest tone you can muster, "You make me feel so good, daddy...want you to fuck me how you want it." If Alastor wasn't paying attention before, he definitely was now if the ever growing bulge in his pants was anything to go by.

"Y-you shouldn't..." Lucifer sound uncertain, almost strained as he responds. 

"But don't you love it when I call you daddy?" Your voice raises in pitch and you reach a hand up behind you to run through his hair. He groans deeply in your ear and the hand on your throat tightens slightly as he leans into your touch.

 "... I love it baby..." he whispers, hips picking back up their rhythm, pounding into you at a new angle. "You dirty fuckin' little…S-shit! Always such a tease..." he spits out, earning a sharp gasp from you. Lucifer was never truly rough with you, but if the pace kept going the way it was, who knows where the night would end?

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

"If a night of passion is on offer.." It's ok to take it.

I think some passion flower would do nicely for this pot of thought. Does Astarion really want a night of passion or is he people pleasing? Lets steep on it.

WARNING: Game spoilers and talk of S.A..

Hmmm...to be randy or not to be randy. That is the conundrum.

This is not fact, is just opinion based off my own and game experience. As always, how anybody cannons their relationships or behaviors is perfectly right! No blame, no shame, it's your game!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have seen a lot of comments expressing anxiety about whether or not Tav should accept Astarion's proposal for sex in the grave yard.

"Given his past, I'm just not sure he really wants it."

"Is he just doing it because now that Caza..MF is dead he thinks I will leave now that the task is done?"

"Is he feeling insecure in his new freedom?"

"Is it too soon for him to be sexual after so much trauma for so long?"

"Does he mean what he is saying? Or is he being funny?"

I was one of those people. But now that iv had time to ponder it..

One thing to keep in mind is that most (I wont say all) S.A victims can, in time, start to enjoy sex again in safe, secure situations.

Treating them like they are fragile and tip toeing around them isn't fair. It doesn't help them build resilience or help them find a way back to a healthier relationship with sex.

If they are offering, trust them to make that choice.

Lets say you had a bad experience with swimming. You are scared of the water now, but you still love the ocean. You could forsake the water forever, and some do and that's a perfectly right choice, or you find small ways back to it.

Sit by the edge and watch the tide. Chase the tide out then let it chase you back in. Dip just your toes in the water. Then your hands, then your legs etc etc . Until one day you are back in the ocean.

It's the same with sexual interaction. Small steps to build your emotional strength back up.

That's not to say they wont still have pre or postcoital dysphoria from time to time, (fear of drowning) but it does get easier as time goes on. The more the experiences end in happy memories instead of tragic ones, the easier it gets.

So, does it show a lack of empathy to sleep with Astarion in the grave yard?

Nope. I think he actually does want to connect with you sexually.

Why?

Because of the dialogue you have regarding offering him the Astral-Touched tadpole. He says no. Then says...

"I had nothing for so long. Nothing. Not even my own body. I will NOT give it up, now it's mine again."

His face is one of complete conviction. He alone, controls what happens to his body. Who gets to use it, what happens to it, when it happens, where it happens and why it happens. Period.

This happens before you reach the city. Which means se has already regained the ability to say "no" long before graveyard.

Even if you chose to convince him to sleep with you after he asks you not to in his confession, he still asserts the boundary. It may be after the fact, and he leaves you, but it's still there.

So it wouldn't make much sense for him to suddenly back track and start offering sex as a means to manipulate Tav now.

Also, he is not using his "I'm lying out my fangs" face or his "I'm gong to literally seduce the pants off of you" face.

Mask of Lies Mask of Seduction

So, with those two things in mind, and I'm sure there are more, fast forward to that fateful night in the cemetery where he says he wants you to seduce him and...* insert suspenseful music*

BEHOLD!

When he says "If a night of passion is on offer, I could be persuaded" his face is almost exactly the same as when he says "I love you, I love this. And I want it all".

(and there was much rejoicing)

He is not pulling the faces that he uses when he lies or seduces. Which means the offer is sincere. You have, through repetition and consistency, proven to him that you care about him because of who he is to you. Not because of what he can do for you. Which was what he wanted. You are a safe space. "I feel safe with you. Seen." And for our affection starved elf, that's got to be a total turn on.

Also, with Cazador dead, he can let go of the subconscious fear of you being destroyed in some way if he sleeps with you.

He can make love to you with all the feelings he's ever had to repress involved. And for the first time in 200 years, not have the fear of it being ripped away any second, or being punished for it, by that monster or himself.

Here, on his new birthday, where his new life starts, he choses to experience you.

So put the doubt down and go get some grave dirt in places it shouldn't be.

And get some saucy elf in places you want him to be.

But, a graveyard? Really?

Why not? Where else would be more appropriate to have a "little death" with someone? *wink*

Or it could be that fact that your bedroom has more people in it than a clown car. Needs must..

Oh, but do keep a look out for Gracie, the grave yard guard. She has a low tolerance for mischief.

[midnight-bay-if]

How would each RO respond to getting the shovel talk from Alek?

S: From the moment they began dating you seriously, they anticipated it. Alek has watched the progress of your relationship with some trepidation, and although S wouldn't go so far as to ask for permission to court you, they are old-fashioned in many respects. Alek is the closest thing to a parental figure you have; it's important to them that Alek approves of your relationship.

"I can assure you, Detective Graves, my intentions are sincere, and my interest good intentioned. I am flawed and imperfect and will most likely misstep on multiple occasions. But know that should I falter, should my knees buckle or my feet stumble, I will not drag MC down to my level. Instead, I will raise them above me with a reassuring word, or a listening ear, and I will always match their pace."

"I do not speak these words lightly," they continue, staring directly into Alek's eyes. "MC deserves to be happy. It would be my immeasurable pleasure if they deemed me worthy of such an honour."

Rain: They feel as if they've been trapped in Detective Grave's interrogation room and are uncertain why. Alek cornered them not long after making your relationship official, with threats of violence they hope are Alek's attempt at humour.

"...so if you ever hurt them," Alek warns, pointing a finger close to Rain's nose, "they'll be hell to pay."

"Understood, sir," Rain agrees, nodding readily out of reflexive fear... before stopping. "But... it took us great courage to enter this partnership. I fear we are both still learning what that means. I love MC. They are the current that keeps me afloat. Without them, I fear I would drown."

"But I do not yet know the depth of MC's feeling. They are the captain at the helm of this ship. I go wherever they take me, and I do so as readily as the tide comes to shore. All of this to say, I am theirs. I will always be theirs."

Taj: Family is important. So, it's really no surprise when Alek corners them, threatening acts of bodily harm should their new relationship with MC end in heartbreak. Alek may not be your family by blood, but it's pretty obvious he views you as if you were. Taj is dangerous, and they lead a perilous life. It's good to know there is someone else watching out for you.

Not that Alek's entitled to know that.

"Look, I get it," Taj begins, already irritable, "We had a rough start. You saw the worst of it. But there was so much you didn't see. You didn't see the mocking remarks turn to playful laughter, or the heavy tension turn to comfortable silence. I was an ass, but they saw past the cracks in my walls to the fuckin' terrfied person trapped inside. I'm grateful for that."

"So don't presume to think you have it all figured out. You haven't seen the way they smiles when we're alone."

N: "Oh, this is adorable," N goads in the face of Alek's threats. "Do go on about how you intend to maim me should I in any way bring harm to MC. It's terribly amusing."

None of this was the right thing to say; N knows that. It's not what Alek wanted to hear, and it would have been all too easy to placate them with some insipid speech about their good intentions towards you. But why should they? Alek is not owed that from them. Why should he be the first to hear such words from his lips? Such things should be saved and savoured by the only person who should care to listen to them. You.

"Do continue thinking of me as some sinister rake. It will only make MC's whispered promises in the dark all the sweeter."

Umbra: Anything involving you is taken very seriously by Umbra. So when Alek pulls them to one side with a severe expression on his face, Umbra follows. Alek confronts them, squeezing their shoulder threateningly and demanding explanations they don't know how to voice the answer to. It's intimidating. Not because Umbra is afraid of Alek, but because they do not know how honest they should be.

Is it wise to admit they would be willing to kill for MC's happiness? Is that normal? It feels like it would be all too easy now that they are yours. To slip a knife between the ribs of whoever would dare to hurt you.

Perhaps it's safer to admit another truth.

"I would fall on my own blade before I let myself hurt MC, sir."

[thehistoriangirl]

The Tides Have Veiled [Third Interlude]

First of all, I wanted to apologize for the delay. I got a problem with this story as I found out someone fed it to an AI. I was about to stop posting it and eliminate it altogether, but it'll be unfair for every one of you who had been so sweet and kind with me and so loving with this story.

We're officially in the middle, and I will walk all this way with you guys ❤️❤️ thank you so much for the support, and I'll read you soon!

Viktor x Fem!Reader /Gothic AU; Haunted Sea/----1.8K---SFW

> MASTERLIST <- Previous // Next ->

Synopsis:  Piltover the Old has an old lighthouse that looms over an abandoned port. From the house in the wailing cliff’s edge, the lighthouse owner watches that the beacon is being lighten up each time darkness arrives, so that monsters wouldn't dare to crawl inland, or so legends say. Both buildings are haunted, maybe even the man himself, by both past and present ghosts. Surprisingly, the keeper’s work is beyond turning on the beacon every night— but the rest is on you to discover.

Chapter Summary: One fateful night, you two say the thing that wasn't supposed to be.

Tags: Fluff | I'm emotional rn so it may be a bit sad | Some kissing | They say!!! the thing!!! | Needless to say please PLEASE do not feed it to an AI 😭😭😭

Taglist: @lunar-monster @local-mr-frog @bittercyder @blissfulip @ihopeinevergetsoberr @ultimateslasherfan @beeblybub (it's been so long I'm sorry if I forgot to tag someone!! 😭😭 remind me and I'll do it for the next ones :3 pinky promiseee)

Third Interlude: The Stars in Your Eyes

New moon. The perfect witness to keep secrets.

And it isn’t that Viktor wishes to maintain his feelings hidden, resurfacing like the high tide during full moon—rising every night during the solitude of the watch, with the familiar glow of your window visible from the tower until sleep took you for the day, the light of the candle extinguished.

But it a necessary illness he doesn’t mind to be afflicted with.

The place you ought to call house it’s so different to this lonely tower; avant-garde wallpapers are here but starting to chip off. There the candles burn with riches fragrances, while here the beacon illuminates, unforgiving, leaving oil prints all over his fingertips.

At least he can pretend to watch over your dreams from here, peering at the starry night. A childish desire to keep you away from nightmares soaked in crimson tides and women jumping out the cliff.

It’s the same tale of every night—to cocoon in the couch by the control panel, door close to avoid any flicking light filtering inside the room. A book resting on his lap, forgotten pens scattered all over the floor by his shoes. Today isn’t worthy of writing in the logbook. At least not yet.

The door creaks open, metal scratch against wood.

“Viktor,” your voice makes him jump. Between a dream and a ghostly whispering like the sea uses to do with each crashing wave.

He stands up from the couch, leaving the book he was reading closed without any mark. It doesn’t matter. Viktor doubts he knew what the chapter was about even before you arrived.

His hands are eager. They settle in the roundness of your cheeks, finding like a miracle that your skin it’s so soft and warm. “You’re really here.”

It wouldn’t be the first time the water fools him, allowing him to imagine both of you, floating weightless inside an infinite of blue. Hands intertwined.

You oughtn’t to fear the place you come from.

“I almost got caught,” you laugh, leaning against the safety of his touch. Against the cold surrounding you in her way toward the lighthouse, Viktor is your refuge. “They hired new fishermen. Mister Gavin was talking with them in his office up until midnight.”

That catches Viktor’s attention, obliged to recoil his touch. “New fishermen?” Upon his hiring as lighthouse keeper, Viktor had seen the dark silhouettes of the fishing boats sailing on open water during the night, where fish could be easily collected. Every journey, fewer boats get out. And even less returned.

“He has always been a greedy man,” you sigh, sinking into the couch. He hopes your shampoo gets imprinted in his pillow for at least a couple of days. Until he gets to see you again. “He doesn’t wish to understand Piltover will never be the same as it was thanks to her.”

Viktor settles next to you. “I suppose sometimes dwelling in the past it’s the only thing one can do to avoid going mad.”

He observes you, loving that intense gaze that could only be described as a frozen storm, cloudy and deep and dark from all the tears he’s sure you don’t dare to shed.

“I hope he goes mad,” your voice is barely audible. A shivery whisper that crawls inside his chest. “I hope I get to do it.”

That need starts to nudge again the gate of his reason. You’re not like this, he wants to tell you. The poison dripping down every syllable, breaking its enchanting cadence. But it would be senseless to utter so—because your family has sworn upon themselves to forge you into whatever monstrosity the townsfolk’s rumors proclaim.

“There lies the reason behind your current visits?” Part of him lets slip, a terrible weight settled onto his heart.

Your chuckle echoes, a whisper that would remain even after you leave. “No, Viktor. It isn’t.” You drink from his golden eyes, twin stars guiding your way. You aren’t sure what this night has of special. It’s just a moonless night, full of stars in the sky. The sea laps all the same. “I would never drag you into my mess.” Not as Gavin and his new wife had dragged Astraia, hoping for you to grow all alone, feeding the desperation to seek freedom.

“I wouldn’t have minded if you do,” he says, and your eyes start to blurry.

His fingers are rough and cold, yet he touches you with the same delicate nature one would hold a butterfly. Afraid that if he takes too much, you’d be all but a shattered dream.

“I’m happy here,” you mutter, the secret you’re so afraid to say out loud if bad luck ever tries to snatch it. “I can’t go anywhere, but here… here I don’t want to run away.” And it terrifies you. All your life, wishing to be someone else, to forsake the family name impose upon your existence. Yet not even the waves could take what runs through your veins. “I loathe this place with every fiber of my being, but now you’re here and… everything has changed.”

It's like it was before. The blue of the sea is shinier, and the call doesn’t reverberate in your bones with the ache of impossibility. It calls you home. Morphed into one endless way up into the end of every lament.

For the first time in so long, you don’t want to leave.

His smile breaks your heart, and you let yourself cry, letting him hold you while every tear erases the grey colors once painted over the vibrant memories of your mother’s tight embrace, her haunting voice calling you to sleep. The way the sand got under your toes after one swimming afternoon. All the ghostly laughter you blessed upon the cliff.

Before everything turned crimson and empty.

“I will keep this place safe,” he says, his voice muffled against your hair. “For you.”

Your hands grab his shoulders, and for a moment it seems like you wish to disappear in him, to forever echo the rhythm of his heartbeat as another lullaby.

You can’t see him, so he dares to deposit a kiss on your forehead, muttering things you cannot understand.

“Come with me,” he says after an eternity that’s cut too short.

*~*~*~*

The water’s cold, but it lights every nerve on fire once you submerge.

Viktor slips behind you, your hands never leaving his once your tears are erased by the sea water hitting in gentle waves. A moonless night with inky water, yet you don’t have to fear the abyss. You have never.

“Does your leg hurt?” you say, waddling toward him. You could guide him toward the cliffiside where the coral grows meters under the surface, so he could feel the fish between his legs and grab at the rock for safety.

“N-no,” Viktor shivers. “The cold helps to numb sometimes.”

It’s barely visible outside of the lighthouse’s rotating beacon, which give you enough courage to inch shamelessly closer, until your dress it’s tangled in his legs. Because it’s your time to hold him, soak him in your warmth.

Astraia’s words haunt you, but what reputation do you still hold? You don’t care to stain the last name they force you to keep.

“Numb what?” You can barely feel his hands ghosting over your back. Afraid.

He averts your gaze. But you can’t let him; with your warm hands cupping his cheeks. Despite the coldness, you could see the faint blush on his cheeks every time the lighthouse painted the waves gold.

“Are you afraid of me?” you whisper, his fingers intertwined with yours.

“Never.” His voice is gruff, the grasp so tight his knuckles are bone-white. “But… there are some things meant to remain hidden.”

“Why?” You know why, but you have stopped caring about the reason long ago. “I don’t want to keep them locked any longer.” It was as if sometimes they drowned you, blocking every breath from your throat at the mere thought of saying those words your tongue longed to express.

Your name has never been more precious that in the way Viktor whispers it. A prayer he covets for only him to call.

And you’ll let him. Of course you’ll let him.

“I don’t want to, either,” he says, golden stars fluttering close one his lips beckon yours, soft and pliant and so sweet. Barely a sheepish brush, before you push yourself closer, his hands grabbing handfuls of floating fabric on your lower back.

You get lost. Barely keeping afloat in the great tides of emotions sieging you. Yet Viktor doesn’t care if your lips taste like salt, if you’re shivering and breaking in sobs. Despite all the love, he knows it hurts—being loved hurts by the mere thought of all this being stolen with the same easiness it could be taken away.

But he won’t let it.

“You make me feel free,” you utter, breathless. And this otherworldly vision will forever haunt him; your bright eyes, swollen lips. The smile that’s just for him.

“I’m in love with you,” he says, his voice dripping with dread, the ever-present possibility of rejection.

Your laughter fills him with pain, but Viktor quickly realizes, by how you embrace him, that it’s not meant to be mocking. It’s euphoric, triumphant in the way you call for him. “Viktor, kiss me.”

And he does, up until the cold seeps into his bones, threatening into leaving him up to the design of the sea. Yet you hold him close, guide him back to the shore where you both lay in the sand like teenagers laughing at the constellations above because they would never have the brightest stars in all the skies, light only meant to gaze upon you.

And you love those stars, making them close so you can kiss them along with every precious feature of his face that you’re decided to carve in your memory.

Viktor embraces you despite the warmth of the sand seeping through your clothes, the humid summer air blowing hair into his face. You want to tell him the truth, to let your throat sore from a scream so everything and everyone could hear it.

But you’re afraid. You know this place always takes those who you love, and you dread for Viktor to be next. So you don’t, and instead, cuddle up right into his side, your cheek pressed against his chest as his breath slowly grows steady.

He’s asleep, but his hands are still taking yours, his chin over your head.

“I love you, too, Viktor,” you mutter, so low either he or the sea can hear you. Yet the lighthouse sees, casting shadows along your refuge on the coastline like a blanket.

[clothandclockwork]

They shouldn't have been able to make the journey in their condition, but they did. they had to.

Sure, the journey could have killed them, but what choice did they have? Just existing was painful to them, and not taking this journey would have killed them anyways.

There was something wrong with them. Something very wrong. No doctors could heal them of their affliction, no therapist could make them feel okay with it. The only one who might have a solution...

...had to be a witch.

So they pushed through their problems, over treacherous terrain, beyond anywhere they had ever been. It would have been difficult for a normal person, but for them - who by all means should never have been able to get this far - it was nothing.

Nothing compared to what they have felt, or what they could gain and lose.

The final stretch was through a dark forest... which opened up to a beautiful garden fighting back weeds, and a humble cottage patched by someone clearly inexperienced but well-meaning.

They knocked on the door, and prepared their nerves for meeting the witch.

The witch wasn't like they were expecting at all, and yet very much what they were expecting. She was... about human, more or less, though definitely more or less. Her skin was flawless yet pale, her eyes deep yet cold and dull. Her black hair was down to the back of her fancy red and black dress, and looked silky smooth but off in some way. She was taller than them, but in a way that looked like someone shorter was stretched out. But she was clearly a witch.

She even had the pointy hat.

After the shock wore off, they tensed up and forced themself to speak. "Miss Witch... I... I need help. I can't... turn to anyone else... please listen... to my problem."

The witch spoke with a lighter, softer voice than they were thinking. They expected power... of confident dominance or of arrogant distain, of even firm kindness. But this... this wasn't far from their own nervous voice.

"This one is not the-" she began, her arms wrapped around herself, but then went into deep contemplation. When she next spoke, she stood up straighter and let her arms out wide as if to hug them.

"That's right. This one is the witch. This one has been the witch for some time now. Please, tell the witch your problems and maybe you shall receive what you have come for."

The odd way of speaking concerned them for a moment, but they've never heard a witch speak before. Maybe this is just how they talk?

So they explained their problems, their pains, their dooms. And she listened. Finally, they wrapped up their explanation with a plea.

"Please... take away... my pains... my fears... don't let it... don't let it end me..."

The witch closed her nearly-lifeless eyes, breathing slowly as she thought. "This one may have a solution... but... the witch must warn you. Not only is there a price - and no, not money - but... the witch is not that skilled or powerful. The solution would be... inelegant. Crude. Imperfect."

"I'm already... all those things. And I'll... pay any price... but... I don't know what... I have to offer."

"This one already knows what the price is. You will not be in pain or be afraid any more, but your life will not be what you are used to. You-"

"Whatever it is... please do it."

"Very well."

The witch put a hand on their shoulder... and their arm immediately went numb. They tried to move it, but nothing happened; it hung limply by their side. A moment of fear crossed their face, but it quickly vanished. This was what they wanted, after all.

The numbness spread throughout their body - through their chest which felt no more heartache, through their legs which no longer had to carry them through all this, through the other arm which no longer needed to hold any burden... and finally to their finally-smiling face.

They felt nothing, blissfully free of feeling for a short eternity, before they felt something new.

They felt a weird sensation over their skin, though it was more like a sensation where their skin should be. It did not feel like part of them. Nothing felt like part of them. But slowly... new parts of them made themselves known. Fabric replaced flesh, as their mind reconnected to their body. Their eyesight - which was like watching a video of someone watching a video - became blank until they were looking out of buttons. What's happening to m- to m... to- they tried to think, though even their mind began to shift. The noisy polluted traffic of their mind was being cleared out, simple replacing complex. Everything became hazy, but then clearer than it had been for forever. No more pain, no more suffering, just pure, simple, one-at-a-time thoughts. They were slowly losing themself, but somehow still completely and totally them.

What's happening to this one? It doesn't understand? It? This one? But this one is a pers... peron.. .pesers... doll.

Of course it was a doll! Why wouldn't it be? It always has been a doll, watching over that poor person. That poor, always suffering, person. That person wasn't suffering any more, now. It had to let go of them. It was free from them. This was a happy moment.

Then why did it feel like crying?

"It's okay," the witch said. "This one knows you must be going through a lot."

"What did you do," the doll asked, as the world and the witch grew larger and larger. "What did you do to it? Why does it feel so weird? What happened to the person that came here?"

"This one is sorry. This was the only way to save you. The person... became the doll you are."

"It doesn't understand... but... does that mean that person no longer is suffering? Is this doll... okay?"

"Are you okay?"

The doll was finally able to move. It put its fingerless ragdoll hand to its fabric chin. "Hm... it thinks so. What does this one look like?"

"Well... this witch is sorry, but..." She grabbed a hand mirror, and showed the results. The inelegant, crude, imperfect results. She was waiting for more tears from the inexpertly-crafted doll.

The ragdoll smiled. "This one looks beautiful."

[bloodinwine]

I've seen some posts here and there about comments on people's fic, how they can come across as too demanding or really just not kind. It's been a little over a year, so I still feel like a baby to fandom - but I think I've experienced enough to have an opinion about this now (or I should say, understand my own feelings about this). I apologize for my rambles... First, I want to acknowledge that comment anxiety is so real. There are people so well-intentioned, who may want to express how much they love your story but just don't have the words or are so fearful that it will be taken the wrong way. Sometimes I do worry that having a criteria for what constitutes as the right way to leave a comment can make this anxiety worse for some people. Now, I've gotten comments before that could be read as "demanding" but I just try and see it as someone being excited and wanting to read more! At the same time, man....if only one could see the amount of TIME that was poured into that piece you just devoured. Because real talk...I tend to feel pretty hollow for a few days after a chapter drop. Like...in the most dramatic way possible. HOLLOW. EMPTY. NUMB. The comments that do come in DO bring a smile to my face and they DO mean so much to me and they DO motivate me to continue. But I am just utterly depleted and it takes me awhile to get my shit back together. I think part of it has to do with like...the amount of hours, days, I poured into this and how it can literally just be consumed in like 20 minutes. Most people will consume your art and some people will engage with it - and there is a difference. But that's kind of how it goes, once you release it you don't have any control over how someone chooses to respond to it.

The same could be said for visual art. Every art piece you see, it takes you one second to glance at and hit the like button. The amount of time and patience and care that went into it though? I can't even wrap my head around it. Since writing fic, it really got me thinking....there are SO. MANY. BOOKS. that I've read, many that have influenced me, had my jaw dropping to the floor, that I absolutely LOVED, changed my life and guess what? I've not once reached out to the authors in any form to express my appreciation. I don't even actually know what point I'm trying to make. (Again, rambling.) But I guess if you choose to read and you find the engagement exhausting so you don't want to leave a comment - I think that's okay. It would feel really awesome to the fic writer - who isn't making any money or getting anything else out of the time they'd put in - but if it's too overwhelming, then don't push yourself. Life is hard and sometimes you just need a place to escape without the pressure or sense of obligation to say something. I can understand this, too.

And for those who have taken the time, you have become a part of my own journey as I go on to write this ridiculous story. And I don't say that lightly. Whatever happens, or however fandom culture gets shaped or changes - I hope we all just continue to treat each other well and be kind, be kind and be kind always.

[httyd-art-requests]

Hey I was just curious on what your opinions are on the third httyd movie. I don’t know if you’ve talked about this before but I’m just curious.

I haven't talked about it yet as far as I remember

I don't exactly hate it, but I usually leave it out of my rewatch marathons lol

I love love love all the new music we got with it, John Powell literally never misses with the soundtracks, and I love all the new dragon species it introduced. As you may have seen from some of my recent asks, Deathgrippers are my favorite dragons <3

I do hate the way it handles Toothless and, like, the majority of the important characters. This movie butchered literally everything the franchise tried to build previously. It completely disregards the messaging of the previous two movies, it turns the riders into complete caricatures of themselves, and it tries too hard to tie the story of the movies into the story of the books, which. Obviously doesn't work

It's not a bad movie if someone's not as deeply entrenched in the franchise as us fans are. It looks good visually, the conflict it sets up comes to a satisfying, if bittersweet, conclusion and it gives you baby dragons to coo and gawk at at the end so you don't feel too bad about the dragons leaving. I admit it made me cry when I watched it the first time in theatres. It works in a vacuum, and it only falls apart when you start to dissect it a little more thoroughly, or if you look at it as a fan of the established franchise. Which, you know, should be your primary target audience, but I'm not a producer so what do I know /lh

Overall, it's like a 5.5/10 for me

They did completely butcher the flying physics though, which is the primary reason I don't rewatch it as often as the rest of the movies

[lullabyes22-blog]

Snippet - "Oh" - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Vi finally gets her answers.

She likes not a single one.

Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Snippet:

"I'll not deny the war came at a cost. But don't pretend Topside would've let us go free without it. We could humble ourselves till the end of days. Stand with our heads bowed and our palms out, all please-mister-may-I-have-some-more?" His Jinxy falsetto bites like a lash. "They'd never hear us. They paint us as monsters and say we're heartless. But you know what? The so-called champions are worse. They can't even see what's so far below their mighty feet. The idea that they'd give us our freedom is a fantasy. It's not sustainable, Vander, and it will never—"

His words, hot, punishing, sluice over Vi.

She no longer hears them.

"Vander," she says.

For the first time, Silco's composure cracks. He falls back in his stool, jaw rolling as if against a punch.

"Vi," he corrects, with forcible calm. "Vi."

"You and Vander… talked about this?"

Silco says nothing. His slumped shoulders are the closest she'll get to a Yes. She stares at the white hooks of his knuckles against the black table countertop. She senses that is the only thing keeping him from overturning it, and destroying everything in the room.

Including her.

Instead, he withdraws his smoking case from his vest. A lighter is fished out. A cigarette is sparked. A jet of smoke is expelled.

The scent of brightleaf submerges the space. Heavily, Silco subsides in his stool.

"Vander," he says, "was the last person I had this argument with."

"Before you fell out."

The barest nod.

"What happened?" Vi's pulse throbs in her chest. "Please. Blut—Silco. Tell me. I have to know." A deep breath. "We both do."

"Both?"

"You and me. I've spent the last seven years in a prison of my own making. You're right, I—I don't know you. I don't know Jinx. Not anymore. But if I'm going to make a choice—forward, backward, whichever fucking way—I need the truth. What happened between you and Vander? It wasn't Bloody Sunday, and it wasn't the Day of Ash. So what the hell was it? Why'd you split ways?"

Silco stays slumped in his chair. The kitchen's luminosity makes a shadow of him. Smoke curls lazily from the cigarette between his fingers. The dimensions of the suite suddenly feel different to Vi. Like a waiting room—or an exorcism chamber.

She tries to shake off a chill.

"We split ways," Silco says. "Because of love."

"Love?"

"Love to me was revolution. A city without walls. A future moving forward—without forgetting. Love for Vander was safeguarding what remained. With the walls intact and his family inside them." His good eyelid shades. "His way of atoning for Lika's loss."

Lika.

Vi sits stunned. He's finally talking about Mom. Her and Vander. Together. Vi knows they were an item; she's got the story from Giz, and the proof from Silco's ledger. Yet the way Silco says the words:

His family.

Premonition bubbles in Vi's gut. She knows she should mistrust him. He is a consummate dissembler. Everything he says is rooted in an angle.

And yet—

"Did Vander make a promise to my mom?"

"Promise?"

"To protect me and Powder? I know they were friends. I know—" An inexplicable blush stains her cheeks. "I know about the affair. I remember the miscarriage. Did Vander take us in because of a debt?" 

Silco glances away. Two fingertips rub the scarred skin of his left temple. Between them, his cigarette smolders like a signal.

"No," he says. "No man honors a debt to a dead woman."

"But—"

"Love, Vi. That's all it was. Vander took the two things he had left of Lika, and did the best he could. You were the family he'd lost. The life he wanted. And to preserve it, he swallowed a hundred grievances, and played Topside's game. He demolished himself from a bonebeaker to a bridge. He thought he could be the middle ground. Or lay himself down as the stepping stone for it."

He sighs, and a bitterness crawls over his features. 

"Instead, he got caught. Between two ideals; two cities. And it tore him apart."

The chill creeps over Vi's flesh. She's not sure what to feel, beyond the reflexive disquiet of seeing your heroes in a light that's more human than ideal. Vander, a man who'd always seemed larger than life, reduced to a martyr. Mom, always so strong-minded, a victim of the fates. And Silco, a threat in every sense, the last one standing to tell the tale. 

"Is it true?" Vi whispers. "Did you kill my Mom?"

The veil of smoke parts a little. In the wanly-glowing kitchen, Silco's features regain an odd softness.  Blut, she thinks, resurrected on a shivering breath. Still handsome in that sharp, wolfish way, and still a bit sly.

Still as young as Vi's memory—and every bit as tortured.

"Vander," he says, "certainly believed so."

"But is it true?"

"Truth is the first casualty of war."

"Don't do that." Vi's anger rears. "Don't evade the question. Did you kill her?"

"Vi—"

"You did, didn't you?" Tears leap into her eyes, a fresh surge of betrayal. "She was in the way. So you offed her. And Vander saw it. That's why he's attacked you. Why he kept what you'd done a secret.  To the last, he protected your sins. Hid your dirty laundry from the Lanes. Because that's what a real friend does. A real father. Vander wasn't mine by blood, but he understood the cost of love better than you!"

The beginnings of banked ire in Silco's eyes bleed out. What's left is an unsettling innocence. Something Vi struggles to articulate, but recognizes on a level of instinct:

Dismay.

"Oh," he says.

"Oh, what?"

"You don't know."

"Know what?"

"The truth. About Lika. About Vander."

His voice holds an odd lilt, half-sardonic, half-something else. It triggers a queer fizz in Vi's belly: soda and ice, shaken until they're ready to explode.

"What?" she hears herself say. "What truth?"

"Oh, Pet. Poor Pet. So that's why—" He cuts himself off with a sharp sound. A laugh on its last legs. "Gods, you were so young. I'd forgotten. And Vander—the sentimental fool. He never told you. Maybe he knew if you learned the truth, the world would look different. Or maybe—you'd see him differently." The laugh hits a harsher register. "Kindred's bollocks, Vander. A coward to the last."

"Told me what?"

Vi is shaking. She's not sure why, only that there's icewater creeping into her lungs.

Half-fright, half-foreboding.

Silco's expression makes it worse. There's no mockery in it. Only a dark-eyed sympathy. As if the real enemy between them is ignorance, and he's not sure of his right to slay it.

Not in Vander's stead.

"If I tell you," Silco says, in the gentlest tone she's heard from him. "There are no takebacks. Do you understand?"

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 12 Pt2

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Dannan x Plus Size Reader.

Summary: Azriel and Reader finally start to bond bringing about some strange feelings that Azriel isn't sure how to process. It's made all the more complicated when Azriel confronts Ruhn about his actions.

Word Count: 5.8 K

Warnings: Mentions of nudity, sexually suggestive dialogue (no smut)

Author's Note: I'm still in a bit of a funk, and with the holidays coming up, things may be a bit slower. So I apologize for things slowing down. I can't thank you all enough for the support that this fic is getting along with some of my other little stories.

As always, a HUGE thank you to my beta reader @hardcoremarvelfan for all her help with this chapter. She really helped out with the struggles I was having for the Azriel and Ruhn scene and I don't think that I could have gotten past that block without her!

Series Masterlist Divider by @/tsunami-of-tears

Previous: Chapter 12 pt1 Next: Chapter 13

A half hour passed by quickly and Azriel was back at the front of the townhouse waiting for (Y/N) to emerge. He sent in a shadow to let her know of his arrival, even though she still appeared uncomfortable around them, she seemed to do better with a single shadow at a time. He couldn’t help but wonder if she had the same reactions to Ruhn’s shadows as she did with his.

When she finally joined him in front Azriel drank in the sight of her. He knew instantly that this wasn’t a dress Rhysand had originally picked out for her, but one that was very likely picked with either the assistance of Mor or Bryce. The simple silver off shoulder sweater dress was perfect for her frame. 

“Wow.” He whispered to himself. 

“I know right. I never thought that I would have the opportunity to actually wear this. Bryce picked it out. Apparently she wanted to take me to this place called Rita’s here. I told her I haven’t been out to a club in like a decade… literally.” 

“Wait, how old are you?” Azriel asked, realizing that was something he had never learned about her. 

“How old do I look?” She challenged. Azriel paused for a moment as she looked down from the stair stoop of the townhouse. 

“I’m not answering that. Not if I want to continue living,” He smiled.

“Good boy,” She quipped. 

A couple hours later, Azriel and (Y/N) returned to the townhouse after the concert. They decided to walk back from the concert hall and the entire time she spent gushing about the experience. He noted each of her hand movements as she talked, the way she walked slightly angled towards him. He was surprised that she hadn’t tripped on the cobble stone path in the high heels she wore. Azriel smiled the entire time she spent describing the music, her descriptions even provided him with insights into the pieces he had never considered before. 

However, her chatty demeanor quickly dissolved the minute they approached the townhouse, which was still as dark as they had left it before leaving for the concert. Azriel watched as the sparkle that had been in her eyes throughout the performance slowly dissipated. It was starting to get late and it was clear that Ruhn had still not yet returned from whatever Rhys and Cassian were having him do. 

“I’m sure he will be back soon,” He reassured her. However, she didn’t bother to acknowledge him. Instead she squared her shoulders, entering the townhouse as if nothing was wrong and resumed their conversation. 

“So a requiem in my world also serves the purpose of remembering and honoring the dead,” She explained. “One of the largest religions has a very specific ritual surrounding it and many composers have set music to the prayers that make up the Mass. It’s honestly fascinating to see the same occurring here, but with a completely different religious base.” Azriel couldn’t help but smile as she continued to talk about what she found most enjoyable about the concert. “What were the parts of this one again? I’m so used to the Latin from my world,” She looked at him and Azriel’s mind froze for a half second before he remembered what she asked. 

“So there are eight segments, the first seven are based on the elements of life that the Mother placed in her Cauldron to create Pyrthian, which are Darkness, Sun, Moon, Earth, Water, Sky, and Fate. The final segment is the standard prayer that the Fae recites to those that are dying and was added much later.” He explained as they entered the parlor.  

“Yes I recognized the prayer. My mother taught me that one. It’s been passed down in my family for generations.” Her previous excitement was diminished, but she was making an effort to not let her disappointment in Ruhn’s continued absence show. “I also really enjoyed the segments for Moon and Earth. I am so impressed with this composer’s ability to encapsulate the imagery of each concept. It reminded me more of “The Planets” by Holst than a liturgical mass of traditional requiems in my world. It’s fascinating. And see this was one of my favorite things about music, the ability to allow us to gain insight into a wholly different culture through sound and the emotions it can help us experience. Oh! And…I’m rambling again…” She trailed off, but Azriel truly didn’t mind. There was a long pause before she spoke again.

“Thank you,” She whispered. “Wow…I didn’t think I’d ever thank you for anything if I’m being honest.” Azriel chuckled, slightly shaking his head. 

“Just glad that I could help, even for a few moments.” He admitted as they sat down in the parlor. The conversation between them dwindled, the silence more comfortable than it had been in the past. But just as the silence grew, so did her anxiety. 

“I should head up to bed soon.” Her voice was quiet and tried to mask the worry.  He watched as she chewed on her lower lip, wondering if she was aware of how frequently she looked towards the clock on the wall. He noted that it was getting late, well past midnight. He also noted how Ruhn had still not arrived. 

“Will you be needing more of the tonic soon?” He asked, trying to keep a conversation going, hoping that it could possibly lead to a new topic to help ease her mind. She merely continued  to chew on her lower lip and began to pick at her nails. 

“He’s never been home this late before,” Her whisper was her only response. “It’s been a week. I was hoping to talk to him tonight…I can’t…” Her eyes flicked to the clock again. 

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Azriel tried to reassure. “But what is it you can’t do?”

“I can’t take the tonic tonight. If I take it for more than...a week at a time…” She sighed. “That’s when I pretty much reach my limit before I start to build a tolerance for opiates. After that I notice that I have to start upping the dosage to have the same effect. And that…that just won’t be good for me in the long run.” Azriel nodded in understanding, his own mother experienced the same issue from time to time. He watched as she continued to chew on her lip and pick at her nails. He wanted to rest his hands upon her before she hurt herself again but stopped himself. He could tell she was lost in thought and his touching her suddenly had the potential to undo all the progress they made over the past year.  

“Would you…would you like for me to stay here until he shows up?” Azriel asked tentatively. She nodded, her eyes still mostly glazed over from whatever scenario was playing out in her mind. “Go upstairs then and get some rest. I’ll let Cassian know that you won’t be at the training tomorrow.” She nodded again, making her way towards the staircase. Azriel watched closely, but remained a few steps behind her. As soon as she closed the bedroom door, he took a steadying breath and plopped himself on the staircase.  

Azriel sat on the center of the staircase, head bowed down as his elbows rested on his knees. It had been a couple of hours since (Y/N) went to bed, though his shadows informed that it was not at all a restful sleep. His own hearing could attest to her experiencing at least one partial nightmare that she was able to wake herself from without screaming. After the first hour of waiting for the Midgardian male to return he had decided that he was going to have a small chat with Ruhn upon his return.  

A few minutes later, Azriel heard the beating of Cassian’s wings in front of the townhouse. Given the hour it was slightly unusual for him to even be awake this late, much less out and about town. For a slight moment, Azriel even wondered if something may have happened to Ruhn. That thought was quickly dismissed as a second set of uneven steps were heard all the way from the gate.

As soon as the pair reached the front door Azriel was able to smell the stale and bitter stench of ale. Once the door opened the varying scents of different females were added to the mix. Azriel felt the shadow of rage begin to build within his gut. If the scents of the females truly indicated what he assumed, then he’d have every reason to physically beat some sense into Ruhn rather than just listen to whatever bullshit he may have spun as an explanation for his behavior.   

As soon as Ruhn stumbled through the door, he made a beeline for the parlor, falling face first on the couch. Cassian stood in the entryway, his gaze moving towards Azriel. “Go easy on him brother,” Cassian’s voice almost sounded defeated. “He’s been a mess all week and I figured he could use a break. So, I took him to Rita’s. He was quite the novelty amongst the females, I almost wonder if I should have kept a better eye on him.” Azriel stood from his spot on the stairs, nodding his acknowledgment of Cassian’s words, but his eyes remained on the other clearly exceedingly drunk male. 

Azriel descended the stairs turning to Cassian and sighed. “I got it from here.” Cassian nodded, leaving the townhouse and returning to his own home. With his arms crossed Azriel entered the parlor and stopped in the other male’s line of sight. Or at least it would have been his line of sight had Ruhn’s eyes had been open. 

“What happened between you and (Y/N)?” Azriel questioned. Ruhn merely groaned in response, arm falling off the side of the couch. Azriel sighed again, closing his eyes to take a deep breath and keep the building rage at a simmer. “She said you made her feel ‘forgotten.’ You of all people.” This time Ruhn managed to release a sequence of incoherent noises, only a few words making any sense.

“Stupid… can’t… gonna…up…”

Not even a second later Ruhn bolted up from the couch and ran towards the kitchen, without a care that he bumped into Azriel as he dashed by. Azriel quietly thanked the Mother that the purple eyed male made it to the kitchen sink before puking inside. Ruhn remained draped over the sink, breathing heavily and occasionally spitting into the basin. Azriel walked over to the male, the awful stench of stale ale, whiskey, and whatever food Ruhn had managed to eat nearly overpowering Azriel’s nostrils. Turning on the tap, Azriel rinsed the vomit down the drain before grabbing and filling a glass of water for the other male. Clearing his throat, Azriel garnered Ruhn’s attention, slightly shaking the glass of water. Ruhn made to reach for the glass, but Azriel withheld it. He needed to hear exactly what the hell happened between them, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he found himself caring so much about a squabble between them. 

“What. Did you say. To (Y/N)?” His speech was slow, voice filled with the dark undertone he reserved for his interrogations. He blinked away the surprise, having honestly not intended to use that tone when talking to Ruhn. 

“I fucked up.” Ruhn muttered, his voice a bit clearer now that he emptied a good portion of the contents of his stomach. 

“Yeah, I’m aware of that much. Question is: How?” Azriel insisted, hauling the younger male to sit at the small breakfast table on the far side of the kitchen. Ruhn stumbles over, the metal chair from the table squeaking against the tile floor as the male practically drops himself down. 

Ruhn leans his head back against the wall, “I called her ‘Lidia.’” 

“Lidia?” Azriel sat himself opposite the male across the small breakfast table. The water glass was still in the Illyrian’s hand, holding it just out of reach as incentive for answers. 

“Lidia Cervos, also known as ‘the Hind’. She was a female shifter from Midgard.” Ruhn paused, letting out a heavy sigh. “I thought… I don’ fuckin’ know.” He paused again, a wry chuckle escaping him. “I…cared ‘bout her. She died before I could… figure my shit out.” Ruhn chuckles again, but the laughter quickly turns to tears. “Lidia died…just to save me.”

Azriel remained quiet, taking in the information. He could almost see where this was going, but needed the other male to confirm, he’d long learned to never assume anything during an interrogation. Ruhn released a pathetic whine, his head falling to the table, forehead banging hard against the glass surface. Luckily it didn’t break. The younger male’s arms came up to support his head as he continued to rest it on the table. 

“Okay, so, you called her by another female’s name,” Azriel tried to brush off the icky feeling saying the words out loud gave him, “I’ve called Rhys Cassian and vice versa. So, it sounds like an honest and innocent mistake. Just a slip of the tongue. Unless-”

“I had her nipple in my mouth.” Ruhn’s voice was muffled by his arms, but the shame in his voice was as clear as the winter night skies of Illyria. Azriel felt the simmering rage turn into a boil and it took everything within him not to lash out. 

After a few deep breaths, he was finally able to respond with a simple, “Oh.”  

“Her sweet, perky nipple…” Ruhn trailed off, as if lost in the memory. “FUCK! I’m so stupid! How could I…I was thinking about (Y/N)! Her intoxicatin’ scent, the way it takes on a slight tinge of amber when she’s aroused. Fuckin’ Urd, I get so fuckin’ hard jus’ thinkin’ about it!”

“Alright, I don’t need to hear that.” Az shuddered. The last thing he wanted was to imagine the human woman in that state. Naked and moaning, another male’s mouth on her breast. He didn’t want to know, let alone allow himself to imagine what that change in her scent would taste like. The sweet and savory taste of the slickness between her…Azriel caught himself. The thoughts swirling around in his head took him by surprise. He couldn’t deny that the woman was attractive, but he couldn’t afford to have those thoughts. There were other…other things-people- he needed to focus on. Azriel shook his head, hoping the physical action would work to clear the questions forming in his mind about (Y/N). His focus returned to the blubbering male in front of him. 

“Why’d I say Lidia? I wasn’ thinkin’ ‘bout her, at least not then,” Ruhn continued, his tears were silent and slow. “I wanted that moment with (Y/N) for years now. I can’t believe I fucked it up. When Lucien-”

“Lucien? What does…” Azriel’s attention perked up at the mention of the Autumn male. “Lucien is mated.”

Ruhn sits up, scoffing at the reminder of Luicen’s relationship status, “Yeah, well his ‘mate’ won’ give ‘m the time of day, let alone even acknowledge the bond.” Ruhn took hold of the glass of water, drinking half of it quickly before continuing. “I may be new ‘round here, and mating bonds seem to be a little different, but I’m not blind. Elain wants nothin’ to do with him.”

“I still don’t see what that has to do with (Y/N)?” 

“I thought Lucien… he and (Y/N) would be something more than jus’ friends,” Ruhn explained. “But things changed after tha’ first trip to that other court. Lu kept his distance, and even if he didn’ ask me to help I would have. The past three years we’ve become so close.” He sighed, finishing the water in his glass. Azriel stood and refilled it for him before sitting back across from the male. “I didn’ wanna rush things between us either. She’s been through so much. Last thing on her mind was romance or sex. Then her birthday came; I wanted to make it special for her. I didn’ do it with the hope of anythin’, but…she kissed me an’ I thought, ‘Finally!’” He smiled softly to himself. “I could feel it, she wanted me as much as I wanted her.” Ruhn ran his hand through his mangled hair. “I jus’ had to fuck it up.” He reached for the refilled glass again, Azriel sliding it towards him. 

“Did you apologize?” Azriel asked, knowing that even if Ruhn had, the likelihood of her being receptive to that apology in the moment was minimal. 

“I tried,” Ruhn sighed, spinning the glass of water in his hands along the smooth glass surface of the table. 

Azriel sighed again, his own hand running through his short hair, as he debated on saying anything. His own thoughts surrounding the woman were jumbled. It would be so easy to withhold what he knew about her feelings, her worry for the Midgardian prince. Ruhn deserved to wallow in self pity. Deserved to spend a few more nights away from her. However, Azriel eventually settled on his earlier admission to himself. (Y/N) deserved someone that made her feel safe, and Ruhn made her feel safe, even if they were in the middle of a fight. “She misses you.”

“I miss her,” Ruhn picked up the glass, drinking the contents in a singular gulp, throwing it back like a shot. He paused, setting the glass back down on the table, “Did she really say I made her feel ‘forgotten?’” Azriel could only nod, causing Ruhn to groan, his head returning to rest against his arms on the table.  

“I can’t believe I did this. She’s all I think about and…” He trails off.  “Her softness. Her body is so soft, yet also firm, strong. Even with all the trainin’ over the years she still has those plush feminine curves.” Ruhn closed his eyes and groaned. “And her skin tasted like… like… fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it. Imagine your-your favorite dessert, the one that’s not overwhelmingly sweet so you savor every bite. You then spend the rest of your life only wanting that flavor, craving it and daydreaming about the next time you’ll get a taste.” 

The Shadowsinger shifted his wings, bringing them closer to his body. Even his shadows began to swirl and vibrate as the other male’s description of how the human woman’s nipple tasted made his cock twitch. With a deep breath Azriel willed himself to remain soft. 

“Lidia…the shit with Lidia is just a jumble of thread. I wanna ignore it; a loose end with no closure.” Silver tears returned to line purple irises. “I had just found her and…there’s a lot of shit I gotta unpack ‘bout her. I sure as Hel didn’ think I’d find anyone else, but…(Y/N) just had to walk into that fuckin’ dining room. It’s like…the more time I spend with her, the more I get to know her, fuck… she is jus’ what I needed. Straight from my dreams. I felt this way with Lidia and… it’s so fuckin’ hard,” Despite the cracks in his voice, his words became clearer. “I feel guilty, like I shouldn’ wanna even be with anyone else. And ashamed, ashamed that I didn’ grieve the female that was likely-” The prince paused, trying to compose the tears that wouldn’t stop. Azriel hated to admit it, but the young shadow wielder was a damn mess without (Y/N). “I’m falling in love…I’m in love with (Y/N).”

Love. That simple word rattled something deep in Azriel, a wave of nausea swirled in his gut. He shouldn’t have been surprised. It wasn’t as if the Prince’s behaviors didn’t give away his feelings towards the woman. Nevertheless, the Shadowsinger didn’t expect to hear that exact word, that exact confession and the genuine emotion in Ruhn’s voice as he finally expressed the sentiment out loud. Azriel felt the blood rush to his head, his vision tunneling as the nausea built and acidic bile burned his throat. His mind echoed a singular truth: Ruhn is in love with (Y/N). The thought played over and over in his mind on a tortuous loop. 

Another thought struck Azriel, why the hell did he even care? Why did he care if any male- Human, Fae, or otherwise-held any feelings or sexual fantasies for (Y/N)? He didn’t. He didn’t care. His body just responded as any sexually frustrated male would upon hearing Ruhn’s desire for her. Azriel reminded himself that he’d had similar thoughts about Elain many times over the past few years. Said fantasies regarding Elain made perfect sense for Azriel to have. Just like it made perfect sense for the male crying in front of him to be in love with the human woman that had slowly crept into all of their lives. But if he didn’t care, why did Ruhn’s spoken confession cause such a visceral reaction? Could it be guilt? Azriel recognized that most of his efforts to make (Y/N) feel comfortable in this world stemmed from the guilt from…that week of torture. That had to be what caused these feelings churning deep inside him. Guilt that he wasn’t the one to make her feel safe and secure after he had been the one to break her in the first place. 

It wasn’t anything more than that. It wasn’t anything like what he felt for other females in his life. (Y/N) wasn’t all that unique; sure, she was kind, compassionate, and resilient as hell, but so were Elain and Gwyn, and many of the other Priestesses he’d come to know during the morning training sessions. This feeling in his stomach, and the thoughts now swirling around in his head were all just the result of a guilty conscience and nothing more. Settling on this rationale, the nausea in his stomach subsided, and the rushing of blood in his ears died away, allowing the Spy Master to refocus on the still struggling and drunk male in front of him.   

“I really fucked up,” Ruhn held his face in his hands, elbows resting on the glass table. “I don’ think…I can’t…atone for something like this. Fuckin’ Hel…jus’ a piece a shit…makin’  her feel forgotten.” Azriel continued to listen quietly, biting his tongue to keep his agreement of the Midgaridan’s self assessment to himself. 

The two fell into an uncomfortable silence. Ruhn’s head now leaning back against the wall of the breakfast nook. Azriel glances between the male and his empty water glass, a few minutes pass by before he stands. Picking up the glass from Ruhn’s limp grip, he refilled it a final time. However, instead of returning to his previous perch, he went over to the opposite side of the kitchen. Pulling out a loaf of bread, he ripped off a sizable chunk to then set down in front of the night haired male. Azriel had to pause for the briefest of moments, the tears in Ruhn’s purple eyes reminding the Shadowsinger of Rhysand after he returned from Amarantha’s grasp. 

“Apologize.” Azriel tried to keep his voice soft yet stern. “Don’t just ‘try.’ Make her listen and apologize.” 

“Make her listen, huh?” Ruhn chuckled darkly, picking at the chuck of bread. “You interrogated and tortured her for a week, and you now spend hours with her every day. Yet you still don’t know a fuckin’ thing ‘bout her.” Azriel stopped and turned from where he stood in the doorway leading towards the hall. He was about to counter the Prince’s words, but the utterly defeated look on the male’s face gave him pause. 

“You’re right,” He loosened a heavy breath. “You know her better than I do. So figure something out. Maybe a grand gesture or something.” 

Ruhn began to laugh, “I didn’t peg you as the romantic type Azzie.” Azriel tensed his shoulders at the nickname, mentally brushing it off due to the other male’s drunk status. He looked towards the clock on the wall, dawn was only a couple of hours away now. 

“Look,” The spy master ran his fingers through his hair, “Just…just talk to her. If a grand gesture won’t work, then start with a small one. She made a comment about not really knowing you. That sounds like a good place to start.”

“The last female I opened up to was killed,” Ruhn lifted the water glass to his lips, his movements slow, as if the glass held the weight of his heavy words. The sips he took were slow and deliberate. His eyes glazed over as he stared ahead.  Azriel sighed again. While he kept most of his thoughts to himself, he also understood the other male’s hesitancy. However, the idiot in front of him created this issue. It wasn’t up to Azriel to fix it nor tell him exactly how to do so. Yet, that is exactly what he found himself doing.   

“If I was in your position, trying to regain the trust of someone I was in love with, I’d tell her everything and not hide a single part of who I am.” Azriel stepped closer to the male still sitting at the table. “She’d know of every crime, and every life I’ve taken or irrevocably altered. She’d know about my past and the story behind every single visible and invisible scar. She’d know the reasons behind every sacrifice I’ve made over the last few centuries. Especially regarding the safety of those I love and care for. She would become an integral part of my life, she’d know my loved ones and they would know her.” Azriel didn’t care that Ruhn began to shrink away in shame as he loomed over the younger male; the unintended intimidation of flared wings appeared to be just the thing the “Starborn” Prince needed to understand that any apology to a loved one could not be half assed. “I’d lay my soul bare before her… and if she understood, if she stuck around, and she could feel safe with me then I’d know with complete certainty she would be worth it.”

“And if she couldn’t?” Ruhn questioned. Azriel paused, he knew what answer he would receive from (Y/N) if he truly was in Ruhn’s position; and that would be a very different response than what she would grant the Midgardian Prince. 

“Just talk to her Ruhn,” He muttered, wings returning to tuck in close before turning around to exit the kitchen. “She wants to listen.” Ruhn’s midnight hair shifts as he nods, a long contemplative sigh escaping his lungs. 

“I’ll talk to her, tell her everything…” he mumbled, placing his head on his arms as they rested on the table top.

“And apologize.” Azriel reminded sternly. 

“And apologize,” Ruhn nodded, his voice drifting off as he closed his eyes. Within seconds the younger male was asleep at the table. Azriel didn’t even bother to wake him, perfectly content to let the other male’s muscles cramp from the awkward sleeping position. 

Azriel made it to the bottom landing of the staircase before a soft whimper caught his attention. Against his better judgment, he ascended the stairs giving into the pull he felt to check on (Y/N). The door was already slightly ajar, the light from the hall flooding into the darkness of the bedroom. The beam of light streaked across the wooden floorboards, up along the bed. Her lower limbs tangled up in the wine red colored sheets. He instantly knew that the level of dishevelment was the result of her tossing and turning during a nightmare.  

His hazel eyes followed along her legs, red sheets fading into the black of her night dress. His gaze continued to travel up, snagging on an unexpected exposure of soft flesh. Azriel’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes drank in the sight of her uncovered breast. He tried to avert his eyes, but they continued to linger, a part of him wanting to know if Ruhn’s description was accurate. His questions were answered as she shifted, and a perky nipple made visible in the light from the hall. 

One second Azriel stood frozen in his spot, the next, he was sprinting down the steps and out the front door of the townhouse. The cool air filling his lungs helped him regain his senses long enough to force the organ between his legs to return to a limp state. He glanced back at the townhouse, confusion marking his face. Perhaps he was spending too much time with the human…he shook his head, taking a few steps to exit the gate. It had also been quite some time since he enjoyed the company of a female, perhaps it was time to find that release. As soon as he cleared the gate of the townhouse, Azriel shot into the skies of Velaris, taking his time to process the conflicting and concerning thoughts in his head before returning to the House of Wind.

The sound of glass shattering startled Ruhn awake. Sitting bolt upright, he looked around the darkened room, moonlight filtering through the bay window of the breakfast nook in the kitchen. His heart pounded inside his chest, as he took in the sight of the broken water glass now on the floor.  It took a few more moments for him to get his bearings and remember what transpired earlier in the evening. He could still smell the alcohol, and the various scents of what he could only assume were Fae females on his clothes. He needed to change. He needed to clean up this glass first. It took him ten minutes, but he finally located a broom and dustpan and swept up the shards, dumping them in what appeared to resemble a trash can. His vision was still slightly blurred as the headache of what was sure to become a monster of a hangover made an appearance. 

Ruhn took a few more minutes for himself at the kitchen sink. Grabbing a new, clean glass, he filled it with water from the tap, taking small sips and deep breaths. Gathering the stamina and the courage to face going upstairs. Bits and pieces of his conversation with Azriel stuck out in his mind. He knew that he had to talk to (Y/N). To apologize again, especially now that the woman had some time to get her own thoughts in order. He also knew that Az and Cass were right. He and (Y/N) wouldn’t get anywhere if he didn’t also open up to her. He supposed that he could start small, let her know some of the positives of his life before telling her about all the fucked up shit. 

He finished the glass of water, and slowly made his way upstairs. As he reached the top landing, he heard a faint whimper. He instantly recognized the sound and even in his hazy mind realized that (Y/N) had not taken her tonic tonight. He sighed, a part of his heart breaking that he had allowed himself to fuck around while she suffered. She had already been using the tonic for a full two weeks at this point. One week while with Lucien, and now this past week during their time apart. The Prince closed his eyes, standing outside the bedroom door debating if he should even enter. He heard her sharp movements and that was enough for him to move his feet forward. 

Ruhn quietly entered the bedroom, careful as not to wake the woman sleeping in the bed. Their bed, he reminded himself. The one that he missed sharing. He missed her warmth and the softness of her body as he would curl around it. They had slept next to each other for the past few years and he was surprised by how much he missed her. The past week had been one of the worst he endured since he first arrived. Tossing and turning. Panicking when he couldn’t feel her lying next to him. He lost count of how many times he startled awake to find himself in a room separated from her. Cassian had seen the change in his attention, and after a week decided that it would be a good idea to let off some steam by taking him to a place called Rita’s. 

He carefully made his way around to his side of the bed. Sat on the edge, he took off his shoes; his pants and shirt quickly followed suit. He didn’t care that (Y/N) would likely be pissed that he joined her in bed before she allowed it. He needed to feel her, to hold her. Especially if she had been too afraid to take the tonic tonight.  

He knew that he needed to apologize, he only hoped that she was more willing to listen to him now. He had spent most of the evening trying to figure out exactly what to tell her. Where would he start? Cassian advised to start at the beginning, and Az…well all Ruhn could remember was Azriel telling him to just talk to her. However, which “beginning” would be the best to start off with? Should he tell her about his childhood, his mother, and his dickhead of a Father? Or should he start with telling her more about Midgard and what his life was like before his sister turned it all upside down. Honestly, with the way his head was starting to pound he may as well just flip a coin. Whatever he chose to tell her first didn’t matter. All that matters is that he would be telling her something. 

Ruhn lifted the sheet, immediately noticing that her body was curled in on itself, back towards the center of the bed. She only did that when a nightmare was starting to take hold. He laid down next to her, and carefully wrapped his arm around her middle. Her body immediately began to relax. The knowledge made him smile, his own shoulders and upper back releasing their built up tension. He curled the rest of his taller frame around her, perfectly molding himself to her. She stirred, hips twitching as if she was going to turn over. Ruhn moved his hand seeking hers, interlacing their fingers once it was found. 

She turned over to face him, and that’s when he heard her soft whimpers. Even though he enveloped her during the early stages of her nightmare, it seemed that whatever had played in her mind had already done its intended damage. He hated watching her cry, especially when he felt so powerless against the forces that brought her to tears each and every time. 

He adjusted his limbs to accommodate their new position. One of her legs wiggling its way in between his. His arm wrapped around her back, snaking up her shoulder blades, allowing his fingers to find purchase in her hair. He gently tugged on the roots, reassuring her that he was there. She let out a shaky breath and the smallest whine before pressing her face into his chest. 

“It’s okay baby,” He assured, another gentle tug, “I’m here. You’re safe.” She seemed to relax a bit more at his dulcet timber. “Go back to sleep. I’m right here.” 

General tag list: @loving-and-dreaming

Series tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie

@fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion

@randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine

@jpgtae @cheneyq @morganwdarius @latinxbipride @catharticlovewriter

@samslulumelon @mis-lil-red @rcarbo1 @celmentine111002

the crossed-out name means tumblr wouldn't let me tag you

[purrple-sectors]

I had this post on my drafts for months ngl and I think with everything that's happening (and to not let it rot on the drafts) it should be shared

----

With the Lando hate train going on, and many other hate trains, I feel like there's some things that need to be said related to fandom and hate culture in general, this is not only about Lando and it applies to any driver

It's very valid to dislike, lose respect, and/or hate a driver to some degree, but death wishes, including wishing for a serious crash and general hate speech is NOT OKAY in any way

There's some very valid stuff to hate about a driver, but not all things they do are valid to hate, for instance many of their actions are reasonable and not properly wrong, I'm talking for example about when they complain on the radio when they're genuinely struggling with the car

It's okay for people to like a driver you dislike and it's okay for people to dislike a driver you like, don't harass fans for having opinions different than yours

Refrain from using isolated quotes or sentences from drivers to base all your mindless hating but also defending, context matters like the question they were answering, what they said before and/or after, try to understand the situation in a wilder angle before making assumptions and spreading misinformation

Avoid generalising actions, the drivers are human beings, and humans are very complex, only bc they did/said something shitty once, that doesn't mean all they do is always with malicious intent

I know we are on a time where media impressions are so absolutely central that it's normal to question the motives behind some statements, but that's doesn't mean they are all done with manipulative intent, yes we can never be sure but that also means that we aren't sure if it was truly a pr manipulative move

Try to not claim that you know for sure the true intentions of a driver when its not disclosed and the comment/action itself is very dubious and/or not very serious, you can guess it but you shouldn't go around saying that what you think is the factual truth, you don't know them personally and what is going on on their heads, a comment you may feel like it was made with ill intent, could have been done very innocently and naively. I'm not saying that it always happens however at least try to consider that it may be a possibility

Don't go overanalysing and dissecting a driver's every action and words with the purpose of only finding things to hate on them, not only is quite disrespectful it's frankly borderline obsessive and creepy

If you want to truly hate, there's specific places where you can do it, but don't let it bled to spaces like Twitter and Instagram comments, places where most drivers (like Lando) are very present and can see not only the hate directed to them but also the hate directed to other drivers. This also include spaces where drivers' close ones can see the hate, mentioning in particular Max F's twitch chat.

But be aware that if you're hating/speaking ill about a driver on a social media platform there may be people that can get uncomfortable with it and block you as they should. DO NOT make it personal or weoponize it, they have every right to block you if they feel uncomfortable and dont want to see your content

Lasty if you ever feel like your mental health is in stake bc of f1, turn it off and give it a break, your mental health shouldn't dependent on some drivers that don't even know you, its okay to feel this way but it's imo unfair to blame on a driver for their performance when theyre simply doing their job and doing their best

On a final note all the drivers have done something shitty and/or had shitty attitudes at some point but many people are clouded by judgement and mindless hate some drivers without acknowledging (and refusing to) that their faves also did things wrong, please avoid doing this, not only its very hypocritical but its quite a dangerous mentality of "My fave cant do any wrong" that can easily be translated to day to day life, try to be critical on serious situations, and hold ALL drivers accountable for things they said/done, not just the ones you personally feel to! You will come across as quite hypocritical if you just select a few drivers and not hold anything accountable to others (especially if they're your faves) and in the long run is not a very good look

To sum up just practice basic human decency, this is mostly my take of view so take it with a grain of salt if it pleases you so. This applies to any driver and I'll add more if I find other things to say. To any new fans out there the only thing I ask you is to try to educate yourself before jumping into any hate train, give yourself a chance to form an opinion and then see which part or side of the community you relate most, don't let others dictate your opinion.

[oddp1ant]

Talking here instead of in the tags on this post because. My head is steaming.

This version of Viktor is 1) human and 2) older. In my dream reality, this implies that the de-arcanified version of Viktor we see at the end of ep 9 survives, regains physical form but is forever changed by the arcane = a mage, who eventually travels through time/realities to give Jayce the guidance he needs as a child and in the post-apocalypse wasteland, effectively securing the timeline in which he (and the rest of the world or w/e) survives, making it a closed loop. I like to think Jayce is with him for most of it, both of them figuring out their new magical interdimensional existence together.

Ofc, the take I've been seeing most of so far is that Jayce and Viktor were both destroyed in that final moment. I mean yeah, being at the center of hexcrystal/gem/shard activity like that tends to do that to people, as we've been repeatedly shown, but they were also in the weird metaphysical arcane-space when it happened so I'm honestly not sure the same principles apply. If that is the end for them, I guess mage-Viktor was just a product of some other reality where that was the trajectory for him, who due to his magic was able to see all the infinite Bad timelines and took it upon himself to interfere with this one to prevent them, likely nullifying his own and himself in the process. This is cool too, but makes mage-Viktor feel a bit like a random Deus ex machina since we have very little sense of where he came from or how he became what he is.

I may be delusional, but I feel like there's hope in Jayce's face when he sees mage-Viktor. Seeing him human again, seeing him older (something I am personally in tears over - Viktor getting to grow old ;;;;) seems to give him hope that there's a way back, AND a way forward for them!!! Idk. I'm crazy.

[Screencap credit to @lesbian-sansa]

Edit to add: I guess my mind skipped over the option that mage-Viktor is the post-apocalyptic reality's Viktor, who presumably went full glorious evolution, saw that it sucked, and somehow turned himself back to a human form. I guess that lessens the Deus ex machina issue and is also very cool bc we love a villain who spends a thousand years bored and lonely in the desolate wasteland of their own creation until deciding the only way to fix this involves timefuckery and empowering the heroes to take you down before it can happen. There's something so "go sit in the corner until you've calmed down" about it. Also implies that Viktor had the ability to come back to himself even without Jayce, but not before it's too late. Always preventing each other from stepping off the ledge at the last moment, these guys.

Idk which theory I prefer, I think I'll have thoughts about this show until I die

[schumi-nadal]

Wow, I didn't think that post would get me even more hate to be honest 😅

First of all, I wasn't talking about ALL Carlos fans but about some "fans" (you can't call them like that, not after the really harsh words I received) who came into my asks when i asked nothing: I never was mean about Carlos, i didn't even defend Charles. I only posted 2-3 things related to this Charlos gate or whatever the fandom is calling it.

Here are some of the posts in questions:

After the first one, I received insults (anons and non anons, I don't know what is worst, that's what I was talking about them being younger and not knowing how the Schumi era and baby Shumi era were, (the non-anos were 17-18) because people misunderstood it (or understood what they wanted to understand).

After one or two more posts after the end of the race, it escalated very quickly, I received death threats! That's very serious! How can it come to this for a FUCKING sport? There are more serious things in life!

So, yeah, I was quite pissed after that.

Also, I didn't even defend Charles in my post, rereading now and I undertand I may have sound like I did but I'm French and I may have translated word by word what i wanted to say (it's a bit complicated but we sometimes use "you" to talk about people + ourserlves in some sketchy expressions). Anyway, what he said was definitely inappropriate and very "childish" in a way. Those words should had been spoken in private with his team and Carlos, not in front of million of people; and I think if FIA penalised swear words, they should start looking at those kind of statements.

Also, for those saying that I would be the kind of person to insult their favorite driver(s), you don't know me, you can even check my blog if you have nothing more interesting to do (lol), I never insulted anyone like some people do in f1blr. We can dislike or even hate a driver with our whole being, that's ok, for each their own I guess. We can't love everyone, you have the right to defend your favs, that's our choice too, but don't go and roast people when they didn't even say something wrong in the first place. (again, i hope those anons are reading it)

I never got haters before today (just one a few months ago with tennisblr but it was more a troll more than anything else) I usually don't interract a lot because I don't like conflicts but receiving multiple insults for something I can't control: I'm not Charles, I can't control what he says, I'm not a Carlos hater neither, i'm just here, blogging and reblogging stuff I love, mostly sports, sometimes with my particular sense of humor.

Nobody is perfect for sure, and I'm sorry if some of you thought I was just calling out Carlos or defending Charles. He may be one of my favourite drivers, just like other drivers can be yours: all of them are not flawless and we may continue to like them or not after different sorts of situations, that's up to us.

To finally finish my thesis (sorry if you're still reading), I didn't know that I would be so stressed on tumblr one day (call me a sensitive person) but this website is my sanctuary, I hope it will stay like that for a very long time but you can't be appreciated by the whole world, I lost some of my mutuals and i accept that. This morning's messages went too far and that's not normal to say thing like that, no matter how peacecul I am, I had to call them out. Also, on my other fandoms, you can share thought without (or almost) getting attacked verbally, that's sad that it's not the same anymore here, but yeah, football is the same.

You can choose to answer or not, I won't block anyone because I don't feel the need to, opinions can be shared but respectfully, I would be happy to talk more if some of you are up to.

So, I don't know what to add, have a great end of the season, everyone!

i don't know if everyone who reblogged or commented can see it when I reblog it so i'm tagging y'all: @midesastremanifiesto , @janesurlife , @gaypoetsblog , @katarf1a , @chaitalinath , @danieldrivesfast , @landhoe-norris , @eightsixtiism

One thing is funny about being insulted by all those Carlos "fans" (won't call them real fans tbh he deserves way better than toxic people): I was already watching F1 that they were not born, if you think that Charles was shitty today, just remember we had Michael Schumacher as the most dramatic queen ever and Sebastian Vettel was a little Gremlin at some points. REAL FANS WERE NOT FIGHTING FOR THAT!

[nast--ana]

PART 13

"EVIL IN A FURRY BODY"

"While the new girl was running to Ragata to return the missing body parts to her, Jax was watching her from around the corner, squinting and crossing his arms over his chest. When her short figure disappeared into the corridor with rooms, he only smiled bitterly, then went to a small door and, bending slightly, went in there. From the outside, the door seemed completely unremarkable, but in fact it led to a cold and dark basement, where the torture of the participants took place.

The bunny looked at the usual view for the basement: knives, saws, axes and other torture tools were everywhere, there was a large table in the middle for dismembering bodies, the heads of the participants were cheerful on the walls like trophies, on whose faces genuine fear and horror were read, and at the end of the room stood the owner of this "Hell"—Entertainer Caine. He was flying in the air, talking about something with his faithful friend Bubble, but as soon as the rabbit cleared his throat, announcing his arrival, their conversation immediately fell silent, and the entertainer looked at him and exclaimed joyfully:

- Hi, Jackie!)

- grrrr! I told you not to call me that - Jax showed his sharp teeth in displeasure at hearing such an unpleasant nickname for him.

- Oh, come on, don't be so mean) - Caine grinned and, patting the rabbit on the cheek, continued - Well, what brought you here? Do you need something?

- You probably noticed that from the moment this "new girl" appeared in our Circus, all sorts of "devilry" began to happen! And it is not yet known what this may lead to...-But before he could finish, Caine immediately interrupted him.:

- I can handle everything easily! Don't worry, Jackie. Think about it—would any newbie dare to contradict me?)

— well...As if... You've changed the circus a lot, and no one knows why...

- And no one should know! So it's better not to bother your stupid bunny head) - Caine playfully patted Jax between the ears, which only made him more angry and grabbed him by the collar.

- YOU MAY HAVE MY SOUL, BUT I'M NOT YOUR TOY!

- A toy! What a toy!- the entertainer replied sarcastically, after which he removed the rabbit's hands from his collar and, shaking himself off, headed for the exit from the basement. The vial followed him, clinking its chain.

Jax was not at all satisfied with this answer. He cast a contemptuous glance at Kane's back, feeling himself shaking with anger.

- It's funny to hear this from someone who is also being controlled!

Hearing such audacity, Caine immediately stopped and slowly turned around. His eyes flashed with a bright red light.

- Bubble... Grab him!

Hearing the master's order, the Bubble was at Jax's side in an instant. The chain rang—and now it was wrapped around his neck with a loud clang, hanging the bunny as if on a gallows.

- F@#k! I-I'm sorry, I'm not-GRH! Jax croaked, desperately trying to break free, to which the Bubble began to choke him even momore

-If I hear that again, I'll tear your heart to shreds! And I will show your torture on stage so that EVERY CREATURE WHO DOES NOT RESPECT ME KNOWS WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO HER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! Caine muttered angrily through his teeth, abruptly grabbing Jax by the chin and looking him straight in the eyes.

The entertainer began to change right before our eyes, becoming more and more like a monster: his mouth distorted and with many sharp teeth, his eyes turned completely red, becoming predatory and evil, his whole body became very massive, a hump grew on his back, his arms lengthened, and his clothes tore in some places. Pinning his ears, the bunny quickly nodded his head, making it clear that he understood everything.

- It's wonderful... Bubble, let him go...The chain's grip immediately loosened and, falling to the floor, Jax began to gasp for air, trembling all over with fear. The entertainer took on his former form, as if nothing had happened.

- Great conversation, Jackie! It seems that we have a job)

Caine snapped his fingers and disappeared into thin air along with the Bubble.

After regaining his breath, the bunny carefully sat down on his knees when he suddenly heard Caine's voice in his head.

"Throw the new girl off the cliff into the void," he repeated over and over again.

-no! I'm tired of being your toy! I don't want to! No.... No!-Jax clutched at his ears, trying to resist with all his might, but Caine was stronger. Soon, everything swam before the bunny's eyes and he collapsed on the floor unconscious.

Waking up in the same basement, he slowly got up from the floor:

-I'm going to kill her...-The bunny's smile became even more insane, his eyes flashed with a red sparkle, and his fur darkened. Jax hopped out of the basement and, climbing the stairs, went in search of the new girl..."

[wardencallings]

Thoughts on a Harding betrayal based on a poll I ran last week. Spoilers for Veilguard below!

I think that for Harding to betray the party, a very specific set of conditions would have to be met. I don't see her betraying the party on a whim, nor for anything less than absolute certainty on her part that this is right. I also dont see her siding with the gods, so her betrayal would have to revolve around Solas, specifically killing him, which I think aligns well with her belonging to the OG Stop Solas group. I'm also going to say that this would require Harding to be romanced by Rook or for something to happen to Taash.

Here is the game progression I think would be necessary for Harding to snap:

1. Rook must be vehemently against Solas in all beginning dialogue choices. Even when Harding expresses how she feels pity for Solas, Rook must be unforgiving and rigid.

2. Paradoxically, Rook encourages the Inquisitor to consider forgiving Solas. This sets up the betrayal scene.

3. Have Harding embrace her anger. Rook makes it clear she has every right to be mad at Solas for what he did. Maybe afterward, add some party banter that demonstrates just how zeroed in on that anger she is. I could see a particularly interesting exchange between Bellara and Harding. The party members are a little apprehensive of Harding's anger, even maybe explicitly saying that they're worried about it consuming her.

4. Before the Ghilin'nain fight, Harding expresses fear of someone dying. In response, Rook tells her that she should trust herself to make the right decisions during the fight and, more so, to trust her ability with her bow -- "You always aim true, Lace."

5. Davrin is sent on the diversion mission and dies. This causes Harding to feel regretful that she didn't push harder to lead the distraction team. She becomes convinced that to prevent death, she must act rather than wait for permission. Also, she has to be alive to betray you, lol.

6. A romanced Rook is stuck in the Fade prison, and Solas is released. I can imagine some codex entries here of unsent letters from Harding to her Ma, expressing regret that she did not shoot Solas when she could've. She writes of watching Davrin fall in her place and how guilty she feels. She laments the loss of the farm, the fate of her neighbors, and the fall of Ferelden, placing blame for it all on Solas. She wonders what he will take from her next. If Rook does not romance Harding, Taash is kidnapped instead of Bellara/Neve. This step is the biggest conduit to Harding's decision to kill Solas before he can threaten or imprison anyone she loves again. After all, without Solas attempting the ritual, the gods would've never been made free, Davrin would be alive, and Rook/Taash never separated from her.

7. A scene is added where Rook reveals to the party in more detail that Solas used blood magic on them to make them see Varric. I know this happens off-screen, but maybe zero in on Harding's reaction to this. Emphasize the disgust and anger.

8. In the final one-on-one talk with her before the fight with Elgar'nan, I'd think it'd be interesting for there to be one more chance to talk her down from her anger, but it'd require a Mythal-esque dialogue tree to accomplish. Anything less, and she's going to force the binding.

9. When at the confrontation with Solas, Rook tries to resolve things peacefully. Harding, overcome with grief for both Varric and Davrin, furious at her lover being threatened by Solas, and having fully embraced her anger, shoots Solas with her bow, leading to a fight sequence and leaving Rook with no choice but to bind him to the Veil violently. There is a callback here to Harding taking this shot, just like she should've before at Solas' ritual in Arlathan (or so she says).

All in all, I think Harding's betrayal here should revolve around the theme of the game: regret. Let me know what you think or if you have any ideas. I may write something revolving around this AU if there's interest :)

[lukedruid80]

MY PROBLEM WITH MINDSETS

I possibly have OCD, and i am very much sick of the shifting community always saying "Don't say you don't believe, it'll ruin your mindset" well buddy some of us CAN'T control our intrusive thoughts, can we?

Here's my tip/take on how to deal with this for shifters struggling with mindsets, especially mental health like OCD included. (Disclaimer: This works FOR ME, it is no guarantee for everyone, but this is just my tip. If it doesn't work, it may not be for you.)

I figured, why hasn't anyone talk about that we can literally rely on our emotions instead of mindsets?? Our minds can TALK, it can say unspeakable things that YOU don't even want to think about. Some of us are BUILD to be talked over by our own minds. The ONLY THING that doesn't betray our nature is our emotions.

In my personal experience, when I use my mind to say affirmations, intrusive thoughts starts sparking and it's so frustrating because I can't deal with it, and it betrays my mindset. The only thing that is REAL enough for us to believe is our hearts. Mouth, mind, words, writings can LIE. But our hearts doesn't, it only beats for truth.

I've tried to rely on my emotions, and I literally felt my s/o's head laying on my chest. That was the closest i have ever felt him, because I relied on my emotions of him. I focused on how I feel, I just let myself feel how much I miss him, how much I'm sad because I need him. Hell, I actually let myself CRY, my emotions is the strongest quality i have than my untrustworthy mind.

It's the saying in Once Upon A Time (most shifting coded show ever in my opinion), Rumplestilksin told Emma, that magic doesn't come from our mind but our emotions. He said "Stop thinking, feel it." Emma represents how a lot of people are like in this reality, she always need PROOF when all she had to do is BELIEVE. That was her flaw, and I think that's also a lot of our flaws as shifters.

If you think about it, a lot of magical or power portrayals in stories are surrounded with emotions. Avatar The Last Airbender, Zuko channeled by feeling his anger for firebending, eventually using the feeling of peace to bend. Harry Potter, the patronous spell can only be casted with happy memories, to FEEL those memories and that's how it can be casted. Teen Wolf, werebeings use anchors to help them stay grounded, the anchors are a connection to their most humane thing in life, and they feel it in order to shift back.

We overcomplicated things with our mind so much, but what makes US HUMANE is not our minds, but our emotions to feel for passion and love. Everything in this reality, is created with our hearts before mind.

Sure, mindset IS important, but what made us want to shift in the first place? Certainly it's not our head that went "oh this seems fun", it's our desires, and desire is an emotion.

Look at you, you're still here on shiftblr, you're still here to want to shift. Why is that? That FEELING of your desire, is what drives your motivation. Who's to say that emotions can't be reliable to shift?