#i feel like i did when i played kotor . just. wow what a good story!!!

[ufogoo]

getting actual depression now that im done the imperial agent questline. imperial agent questline you will always be famous

[lovelylarkgamin]

Outward (2020)

Gameplay: ⭐️⭐️⭐️❌❌

Style: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❌

Story: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Multiplayer: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❌

Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❌

Playable on:

PlayStation (4 & 5)

Xbox (One & Series X/S)

Window

Stadia

Online co-op: Yes

Local co-op (split-screen): Yes

Developed by a small studio called Nine Dots, Outward is unique in that the CEO Guillame Boucher-Vidal approached the game with the intention of getting it to work as a split-screen game, which is not a very common goal these days. The CEO, like me, bemoans the fact that so many great memories in our childhoods were playing with family or friends side-by-side and that games these days don’t really make a lot of efforts to make that possible. Not only did the development team have to make some sacrifices to split screen to work, but relatively low budget of a small studio meant they could not support elaborate cutscenes and lip synching in most modern games. All that to say, this game has more of a classic rpg style, which is good for me, a long time fan of D&D, KOTOR, Diablo, and other long-running rpg franchises, but if you find yourself easily frustrated at older games, maybe skip this one.

Now to the meat of the matter. I have mixed feelings about this game, as you can probably tell from my rating. Buckle up; I’m going to talk about what I didn’t like first, and then we’ll talk about what I did like. Just know that I am very aware of the limitations of a small studio and think people should keep that in mind when talking about games like these. I’d rather have small studios around instead of just a handful of big monster studios anyway, so I want them to succeed. You should too. We get more fun and variety that way, so look at small studio games with a forgiving lens, please.

Through that lens, I find the inability to level up in any way in this game utterly baffling. There are no skill trees, merely the ability to attain better equipment over time and recipes for food, potions, weapons, armor, etc to equip your character better. There are ways to adjust your stats to allow for magic, but it’s a trade off that sacrifices health and stamina in exchange for mana. You can purchase skills from trainers to improve health and stamina a little bit, but I could see someone going through a generous portion of the game before ever figuring that out. The studio claims to want to avoid crunchy video game mechanics with this approach, but in the end, I found it crunchier than a skill tree in a pause menu. Maybe that’s just me, but for a game trying not to be crunchy, there is a whole lot of trying to hunt down this person or that person trying to improve your character in some small way only to learn you were doing it wrong from the beginning. Be prepared to die frequently, whether from enemies, sickness, or cold/heat, and make sure you are strategically stashing money and unnecessarily items to cut down on theft from your unconscious body or over encumbrance.

All that being said, the game is stunning with vibrant colors and a unique and interesting art style. Whatever sacrifices the studio made paid off, and the local co-op is incredibly satisfying. You may get downed frequently, but with the ability to revive each other, that ceases to be crippling. Also, each time are downed teaches you something that you do better next time. There is a very thorough foundation of lore under the storyline, and that makes the world fun to explore. Honestly, it gives the feeling of playing WoW or something like that, and for a small studio, that’s pretty impressive.

I have my gripes, but overall, there’s a lot to like about this game. Make use of the Outward Wiki and the advice of dedicated players you can find literally everywhere. They help you avoid some of the frustrating aspects of the game. Also, don’t buy recipes, look them up. Save your money for cooler stuff.

Happy gaming!

[fancyfade]

okay time for a post with a small fandom intersection

but my and my sibling were thinking about tragedy

anyway

so one of the instances of tragedy that I really really like and still gives me feelings like 12 years after having played the name is the situation with Revan and Malak, where Revan and Malak were heroes of the republic, et cetera, whatever, the regular people (not the Jedi) had a hugely positive opinion of them because they were willing to get involved with the Mandalorian war and defending the Republic for Mandalorians

When the game starts, Revan and Malak are the bad guys. Well Revan is “dead” and Malak is the main bad guy. They used to be like the down to earth, relatable jedi who were willing to help when the other jedi wanted to guard against the presence of the Sith, which seemed to have been forever ago to the younger generation but was extremely present in the minds of the older generation, as the Exar Kun war was in their life time (speaking of which: there are some problems I have with the comic but this set up was not at all a problem in the Knights of the Old Republic comics, it was some of the strongest star wars world building I’d seen).

So spoilers for game that came out in 2003: The player character is Revan, with amnesia. Revan was attacked by the Jedi and then Malak took advantage of that and fired on the ship, hoping to kill Revan. The attack nearly killed Revan and destroyed their mind. Bastila force-bonded herself to Revan to keep them alive and Revan is implanted with false memories. This also had video game mechanics mesh really well to the storytelling: This explains why the player character “level up”s so quickly: They aren’t learning everything for new for the first time, they are re-learning Revan’s old skills.

Because it’s an RPG, the player has two choices, being cartoonishly evil (dark side) or being a decent person (light side). no matter what the player winds up finding out who they were and fighting Malak, either to stop him from taking over the galaxy (light side) or to take over his fleet and presumably use it yourself (dark side). No matter what you choose when you kill Malak he waxes about how Revan had always been stronger. His way of seeing hte world is clearly rooted in dark Jedi/sith stuff: kratocracy, being strong makes you right. The player doesn’t know whether Malak always thought this when he was a Jedi or if something changed when they went to the unknown region, but we get to see that even as he is dying Malak is still clearly locked into a world view that he may have not had beforehand that has not done him any good.

The player never finds out what changed Revan and Malak from heroes of the Republic. It’s just “Revan and Malak went to the outer rim, they came back trying to conquer the people they used to protect”. There’s no concrete explanation, which serves two functions: a) it’s a mystery b) the fact that it isn’t answered means there can’t be an “unsatisfying” answer, the player fills it in with whatever might have made sense.

Now I’m not saying that you always have to do that, I think that there is a time and a place for leaving the question unanswered and the video game format of this was very well served by it since it was backstory and video games don’t always have to answer backstory very clearly

Eventually in a tie-in novel, the reason why Malak and Revan betrayed the Republic and turned to the dark side is revealed: They were literally brainwashed into it! Wow that sure takes what could have been a compelling story about the fall of heroes (or if you want to assume they were expressing attributes that they always had buried, a type of commentary on heroes) into nothing! I think they probably did it because the player (and presumed reader of the novel)  played as Revan and they wanted ot make sure it wasn’t Revan’s fault. No one can be upset if Revan wasn’t actually responsible for their actions, right? right?

Obviously this didn’t work as I can’t think of a single person who actually liked the tie-in novel or that retcon

anyway now for the reason why this post was titled “a post with a very small fandom intersection” (and the reason I kind of explained this as if the reader hadn’t actually played kotor before)

I think that’s a huge narrative pitfall of “Jason Todd isn’t actually responsible for his actions as the Red Hood” (quick summary of who Jason Todd is for hte people who were only reading this due to the kotor stuff beforehand: Batman’s second Robin, Jason Todd, is killed by the Joker at the age of 15 and comes back 5 ish years later as the crime lord Red Hood. he now disagrees with Batman’s methods and wants to kill people as he thinks that’s the best way to do what he views as Batman’s job. There’s also resentment at Batman, his adoptive father, for not having killed the Joker).

anyway that’s the narrative pitfall of “Jason Todd was just Lazarus-magicked into killing people”. We COULD have a compelling story of someone who really wanted to do good, fully believed in what Batman was doing, and then.... he stopped. There’s a certain tragedy in that IMO and it is just rendered meaningless if it’s like “What could make a sweet kid like Jason turn into a mass murderer? Oh he’s messed up by the Lazarus Pit it’s not his fault”. It’s such an unsatisfying answer that removes any agency he had and any actual meaning behind the story!

[voidendron]

okay my turn to ramble about my thoughts on 6.2 now that I can think/type coherently lol

below the cut. 6.2 spoilers ahead (also probably swearing)

first note: I ran Echoes of Oblivion on a saboteur Bounty Hunter (Senya, Arcann, and Theron alive; romanced Torian) and loyalist Trooper (only Theron alive, killed Arcann and Senya) so far, and the flashpoint on the BH only. with that out of the way:

Echoes of Oblivion 

Scourge CALM DOWN

When he broke cover to face the Servants I legit facepalmed and hissed his name lol

Teeseven! good little droid causing problems on purpose <3

lowkey happy the Scions are dead. they annoyed me and hopefully we won’t be dealing with them anymore

Revan??? look, I have yet to play KOTOR so the only Revan I’m familiar with is the SWTOR one, but I had to double-take when I heard the voice and had a kind of “wtf him again??” reaction

Servant Four pretty ;~;

the reveal for Vitiate and Tenebrae walking from behind Valkorian??? that was really fucking cool and the Drama kid in me swooned

speaking of Tenebrae... look, I’m a straight dude, but even I can admit he’s fuckin’ hot. whoever designed him, I love you - but now I’m also very salty that hairstyle is gender-locked >:(  (also Terrin totally shamed him for not wearing a shirt. he also called her an ignorant child in the final fight lol)

the level design of Satele’s mind was sooooo cool??? it gave me this incessant sense of unease I just couldn’t shake and I love it

MARR MARR MARR MARR MARR

seeing Revan >Your Companion< was incredibly weird jklas;djkds

For Terrin: Vaylin electrocuting Valkorian and then all of the Tiralls advancing on Tenebrae? bahahaha his shift from high-and-mighty to “oh shit” as he backed away was hilarious

for Varrich: Vaylin’s “I like your markings” *zaps Tenebrae* “Do you like mine?” - idk I really liked that. and then Valkorian backing away from the Tiralls was funny. but god I AGAIN felt bad for killing Senya and Arcann in his playthrough, she sounded like she wanted to and would have killed Varrich right then and there if it wasn’t for Valkoriateibrae being the bigger threat

THE ANIMATIONS. lookit that glowup. no one stood awkwardly idle, and I loved it - the first one I really noticed was in the reveal when Valkie and Tenebrae trades places so Tenebrae was in the middle instead, the animations were just so good in this okay

Satele is just a fuckin badass, okay?

Vaylin looking at that student = foreshadowing??? pls don’t bring Vaylin back there’s been enough cheating death and it’s lost its wow factor since ages ago

that final boss fight was so much fun oh my god. like, it was a challenge and Terrin almost died many many times since I don’t know the mechanics for it, but it was such a cool fight??? had a bit of an easier time with Varrich’s run of it since I’d kinda started figuring it out by then

it seemed like a good sendoff for Valkoriateibrae, tho I got Avengers vibes from it

come on, try to tell me that’s not a cool shot

the chat with Satele at the end was nice. look forward to running Echoes with Xaerez and getting Theron romance content <3

also 👀 at Aryn showing up. we gonna get more Malgus stuff with the next bit of story added? I’ve been curious about what’s going on with him

Spirit of Vengeance

note: only ran this with Terrin so far (saboteur Bounty Hunter)

I was fortunate not to get any of the bugs others have mentioned, so can’t say anything in regards to those

Terrin’s stats are as follows:

Pyrotech Powertech, full set bonus (Meteor Brawler), 306 item rating, +41 crit augments in most of her gear, memorized rotations. when it comes to general content, she’s the toon I’m most effective with

with that out of the way:

the bit where Torian cheekily asked if she was worried about him was cute, but a little bummed there wasn’t more romance content with him. even just a hug or another bit of dialogue would’ve been nice

I love Rass okay. I hope we get to see more of him. the way he reacts to the not-so-careful landing by the Commander ripping both wings of their shuttle is really funny and made me love him immediately

this one seemed a lot better than Mandalore’s Revenge was with noting your BH as a fellow Mandalorian

seeing healing stations near regular mob groups had me worried. it’s definitely not an easy flashpoint, and I did have to use healing stations often just to stay alive at points, even in regards to just normal enemy groups because there’s A LOT of them in each group (Pyrotech is squishiest of the Powertech disciplines iirc, but still)

the first boss was. WAY overpowered. take note of Terrin’s stats again, and let me tell you she almost died MULTIPLE times to him even after using the healing stations (note: ALL of the healing stations were used in this fight) AND Heroic Moment/Unity. I have no idea how my less-geared toons are gonna have any chance at it. he has way too much health and deals way too much damage for a solo mode flashpoint and Rass only being influence 1 doesn’t help. to me, he felt like a vet mode boss

it actually felt more like a vet flashpoint in general, with the exception of the other bosses

I love Rass’ comeback to one of the bosses calling him the “tiny one.” have I said I love him yet? because I do

I actually really loved that trap that drops you into the garbage area. it startled me and I thought something bugged at first, but I really liked that bit (tho I can imagine it bugging for people. I’ve seen a few people say it kills them)

after that first boss the others seemed almost ridiculously easy

that was not the voice I expected Kol to have but like. it works for her??? also she cute-

I love love love Kol’s helmet so much

is she gonna be a long-term enemy? kinda hoping she is I really like her and want to see more of her

Someone else noted this already but: Kol = Lok backwards??? is she formerly from Clan Lok/have something to do with the BH’s adoptive clan??

that last cutscene was cool and DAMMIT I have a crush on the antagonist now

all-in-all, I liked the update, good way to finally tie up the Valkoriateibrae stuff and introduce a new villain (tho I feel like the flashpoint definitely needs some changes), and I look forward to what’s next!

[gamesception]

So the Outer Worlds port finally came out on the switch a couple weeks ago, which is what I had been waiting for to give it a try.  Beat my first play through yesterday.  And... honestly?  I kind of expected better.  Like, a lot better.

Not getting into the technical side, since I’d have no idea how to separate the stuff that was Obsidian’s fault from stuff that was Virtuous’s fault from stuff that just comes down to the Switch itself.  Also because technical stuff doesn’t affect my own experience overmuch - I can’t easily spot the difference between 30fps and 60fps unless someone points it out to me, and as long as a game is at least on par with, like, the ps2 era graphically then it looks good to me - though I will say the game crashed twice while I was playing it AND I had a random quest breaking companion death bug that by the time I noticed it I only barely had a save far enough back that I was able to fix it, and the game performed badly enough docked that even I gave up on playing it on the tv and just went with handheld....

But again, I’m not overly concerned with the technical end and wouldn’t necessarily blame obsidian for the shortcomings of the switch port anyway.  But where the game was disappointing was in areas that I was sure Obsidian would deliver in - an immersive world with believable and engaging factions and societies, interesting and well written quest lines and npcs, a main story with something compelling to say and a lot of opportunities for subtle role playing.  The stuff that New Vegas did so much better than Fallout 3, or that KotOR 2 did so much better than KotOR 1.  Stuff that the reviews around the time of the game’s release on other platforms all praised the Outer Worlds for.

And that’s.... like...  I mean, Outer Worlds isn’t terrible, I enjoyed my time with it more than I didn’t, but wow I expected more.  The game is short, the explore-able areas are relatively small, and, like, it’s really really dumb in a lot of exactly the same ways that people complain about Bethesda Fallout games - token quests that just have you following a quest marker around mindlessly, never getting to work anything out for yourself.  Settlements that don’t make sense, npcs and villains that feel like goofy dumb jokes rather than communities of people, random respawning groups of the same handful of enemy types with no integration into the world - the game’s raiders have no motivations, outposts, or place in the world like those of New Vegas, they’re just enemy spawns to give you something to shoot.

The world just doesn’t work.  Like, I get it, corporations bad, I even agree in principle, but there’s no depth to it, just a surface level, cartoonish reiteration of the idea.  It doesn’t get at WHY corporations are bad.  In Outer Worlds they’re just bad because they’re dumb and incompetent and pointlessly cruel.  Nothing about systemic lack of accountability or profit motive.  The game even just shoves a couple arbitrary human villains in at the end so that you have a generic bad guy that you can kill to magically fix everything.

And the segregated design of the world - instead of one big wasteland like fallout games there’s a bunch of smaller regions you space ship between like a KotOR or Mass Effect game - means nothing you do in one area or quest line seems to meaningfully impact or even just tie into anything going on anywhere else.  There’s a faction system like New Vegas, but the factions feel pointless and paper thin.

The only ethical/story choices in the game are between factions, and there’s always a pretty obvious “right” answer.  Do you side with the company town full of innocent people, or do you side with the outsiders who just want to be free even if that freedom comes at the cost of an entire town of innocent people?  Or do you want take the obviously best option milquetoast moderate liberal “both sides” option where you easily resolve the differences between the two sides by getting rid of the one individual bad man who is actually to blame for whatever’s going wrong?  That exact situation is repeated twice.  Then do you want to side with the board who are literally killing everyone through wilful incompetence or do you want to side with everyone else because literally nobody actually likes or depends on the corporate board?  The choices presented to you are as cartoonish and reductive as anything you could point to in any of the Bethesda games that Obsidian fans like to complain about.

Some of the companions are ok, Parvati is endearing enough, and there’s a bit of biowaresque banter between them while walking about which I like, but their quest lines, like pretty much all quest lines in the game, are pretty short and largely perfunctory fetch quests, and once they’re done the companions have literally nothing left to say to you.  Just as you get close to them they stop being characters altogether, and are reduced down to ‘attack that enemy’ buttons.

The game play was... like bare minimum passable, and way way too easy.  As with the quest lines, the game play seems to be idiot-proofed at the expense of all challenge.  There’s a neat infiltration mechanic idea, but those segments are all but impossible to fail if you aren’t trying to do so.  Combat likewise was way too easy, at least for the default stealthy long gun character I typically make in these sorts of games.  Enemy AI is pretty bad and rubber banding is super noticeable.  There’s multiple difficulty levels, but hard mode didn’t fix the problem and ‘supernova’ mode comes with a bunch of obnoxious survival busywork, plus the companions can be perma-killed, and since their AI is as bad as the enemies that would lead to me never taking them out of the ship, which would mean missing out on the party banter which is one of the few bits I was enjoying in the game, so I didn’t even bother trying it.

Skill checks are present but almost always too easy to distinguish character build decisions, and even when they are, bypassing checks by other means is always so trivial that it’s not even worth the quick travel jump back to your ship to respec - which you can do at any time.  If there’s a hard lock pick blocking anything important then there’s always an alternative computer hack, or a nearby pass key, or a room with a couple enemies that can be easily stealthed past, or even more easily killed, or some other alternative path never more than a room away.  The only thing that seems to be blocked by actually hard checks are more loot, and this game throws so much loot and ammo and medpacks at you that missing out on some never matters.

None of that would be a huge problem if the game’s story and world had more depth.  The game play coasts by on the bare minimum, but for an rpg of this type that would be absolutely fine, if the story and quests and setting weren’t *also* coasting by on the bare minimum.  That ‘bare minimum’ bit is highlighted by the game’s overall length, which is really pretty short.  I did every side quest I came across naturally, collected all the companions and did their quests, and capped my character level before going to the final mission, but that still capped out at well under 20 hours of play time, and a lot of that was spent backtracking back and forth over the same few areas with the same copy and re-pasted respawning enemy groups.

The whole thing isn’t, like, actively bad, I’m coming across as too negative here.  Again, I mostly enjoyed my time while I was playing it, and the relative lack of these sorts of games on the Switch means I don’t feel like I wasted my money on this one.  I *did* play it all the way through instead of just losing interest a few hours in.  I’ll probably play it through once more at some point in the future, a no companions, supernova difficulty run maybe, and I’ll probably enjoy that well enough.  And I guess maybe that makes Outer Worlds look good compared to recent Bethesda efforts, which I’ve either avoided entirely (76, mobile garbage), or lost interest in and stopped playing a few hours in (4).  Maybe that explains some of the overwhelming praise of the game I remember from when it first came out.  But I wouldn’t say it’s even on par with slightly older Bethesda fare like Fallout 3 or Skyrim.  And to the extent that the game’s world structure and focus on companions calls to mind Bioware games like the original Dragon Age or Mass Effect, Outer Worlds falls notably short there as well.  Most painfully, when it comes to the core elements that made previous Obsidian games like New Vegas or KotOR2 great, Outer Worlds doesn’t even come close.  Hardly even seems to try.  And if you’re comparing Outer Worlds to those games instead of to Fallout 76, I don’t really see how you could see it as anything other than a disappointment.

[highsviolets]

I saw you mention the Star Wars EU and KOTOR is one of my favorite pieces of Star Wars content and my brain just goes, “is this a friend to excitedly yell at about kotor with???” I love hearing your take on different things / characters as well, so I know you have some good insights here!!

so much to unpack here omg!!! 

a) you thinking of me as your friend is -- fuck. such a high compliment and something I will treasure. 

b) sjdka i’m happy that you enjoy my ramblings on character meta and form lol sometimes I feel like I’m being that person but it’s really important to me!! and it’s how I personally connect to and understand the characters.

regarding the narrative of KOTOR, and the development of its characters, I think that they made some interesting decisions. I haven’t played the whole thing in years, so I’m a bit weak on my exact knowledge atm. That being said, their decision to leave so much in the hands of the player from the outset -- your gender, your mission, the ability to selectively hone your skills says a lot about the purpose of the game. Throw in the fact that the development of your Force abilities is up to you, and wow, you’re really saying something. Dark Jedi? Gray Jedi/average person with some Force skills? Light Jedi? You’re given a lot of agency over the story that you create and therefore play. And that’s from the outset -- from the moment you’re on the Endar Spire and first interacting with Carth, and the beginnings of the partnership on Taris. You can create conflicting, complex personas based on who you interact with and when and why. Especially with Carth, who from the beginning is CLEARLY an extremely complex character. 

To get to the point, I think that the creators were trying to get at the fact that we have agency in our lives. So much of the Star Wars universe hinges on “destiny” and “prophecy” -- and while Lucas does emphasize individual choices (was Anakin really fated to fall? Or did he have a hand in his own destruction?), KOTOR really pulls that into focus and shifts the dynamic onto “regular people,” away from the Jedi, and thus making it more understandable to the players. Your choices have direct, visible consequences in forming who you and the outcome of events. KOTOR gives us an opportunity to see and recognize that, which is exactly what a good story should do. 

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell