#i feel like i can invest in a premade head base now

[leadendeath]

i think i'm feeling the spark returning for fursuit... haven't given up on my penumbra wip...

[theonlyjourneythatmatters]

So, let me preface this by saying that I did struggle figuring out food choices and how to get my calories in check. I struggled with a lot. But let me start from the beginning! This is going to be long- so buckle in. Also- get it out of your head that this is a "diet". This needs to be treated like a lifestyle change.

PHENTERMINE

I went to the Weight Loss Clinic in D'Iberville and got the Phentermine. It's not cheap by any stretch, but if you're like me and had zero energy or motivation, and you needed that jump start to get you started, it is worth it. The side effects for me have been mild. I barely slept the first week. They advise to take it early. I was taking it around 7:30-8:00 am. However, even though I barely slept, I did not feel exhausted and worn out the next morning- so there's that. It does make you sweat a lot, and if you're not eating enough, you will get shaky.

WATER WATER WATER

Water is a must, especially if you're taking the Phentermine. It can and WILL dehydrate you super quickly. Either buy a gallon of water to keep with you at all times, or invest in one of those large water bottles off of Amazon.

MEAL PREPPING

I did not wait to start eating better. The Dr at the clinic told me to focus on protein more so than anything else. So I did my research to find out what had the most protein in it. The obvious choices are meats- fish (very good for you, plus it has Omega-3 which is essential for heart health), chicken/turkey, and beef. I'm not a big chicken fan, but it is what it is.

Now, I love fruits and vegetables so paring the sides with the protein meals was not difficult for me.

Most vegetables are not very high in protein- they're also not high in calories. Raw, fresh vegetables anyway. A medium cucumber is about 4 calories. FOUR. WHOLE. CALORIES. For one single raw cucumber! Frozen or prepared vegetables are a completely different story. Fruit, on the other hand, can be high in calories- but the serving sizes are pretty decent.

Snacks were a little more tricky because my favorite thing to snack on is chips. And how many calories are in chips? A LOT. Too much for me to be comfortable giving up 1/3 of my caloric intake for the day, that's for sure. So, I opted for chicharrons and veggie straws.

You can absolutely tailor the meals to your liking- just be mindful of the calories and serving sizes.

Now, let's talk about actual meal prepping. Go ahead and get your eye rolling and sighs out of the way now. I felt the same way ya'll did. Meal prepping takes time. It takes planning. And most importantly, it takes dedication. This is a super important step that you do NOT want to skip if you're serious about losing weight.

For me, it helps when I'm at work because it prevents me from having to go to Taco Bell or somewhere to grab a quick lunch. And don't get me wrong- if you want Taco Bell for lunch, go get it. Do not deprive yourself of the things you want- but work it into your calories. Depriving yourself of the things you like is one of the major reasons "diets" fail. But I digress.

I went to Walmart and bought partitioned meal prep containers.

Just simple containers with clear lids. I'm sure you could find those on Amazon as well- but I didn't want to wait. I also went to dollar tree and got the round containers for my fruit.

BREAKFAST

My breakfast was something simple: cottage cheese and fruit. Some days I had the cottage cheese flips (that had fruit in jelly) and other day I just had a yogurt. Now, I got to Biloxi Nutrition and get one of their meal replacement shakes and that keeps me full all the way through lunch. My favorites are: Banana Nut Bread, Banana Pudding, and strawberry cheesecake. All of the shakes are 220-240 calories so they're great if you're trying to stay under- or if you've blown them on other meals, you could get one for lunch or dinner instead of breakfast. I also stopped going to Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks for a coffee in the morning. If I'm going to eat, I'll grab an iced protein coffee from Biloxi Nutrition. Very few calories and it tastes great.

LUNCH

I cooked all the food for 2 weeks' worth of lunch. I bought chicken and tilapia for my proteins, and black beans and squash/zucchini for my sides. The chicken and fish was cooked in the air fryer with no oil. I did season it with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder, and some Slap Ya Mama! seasoning. I think I may have also put lemon pepper on some of them. I tried to mix up the flavors so I didn't get bored eating them- different flavors meant it felt like a whole new meal.

I also bought some steak medallions and shrimp. I did buy some frozen, premade veggies: broccoli in cheese sauce, a brussels sprout and carrot medley, and some butternut squash spirals.

I bought minute maid brown rice and mixed it with the seasoned black beans. This gave me a little more of a full feeling (carbs make you feel full) and added texture to the beans. Brown rice is better for you than white, but if you prefer white, you do you, boo boo!

The sweet mini peppers are just halved with cream cheese and Everything Bagel Seasoning (I found it at Walmart). Then I just had cut up strawberries and whole blueberries for something sweet. I started eating those with breakfast and that one container lasts me almost all day.

DINNER

Depending on my calorie count for the rest of the day, my dinners vary. This is a spinach wrap stuffed with 2 pieces of turkey bacon, 1/4 of an avocado, spinach, thinly sliced onion and cucumber, Bitten creamy strawberry dressing, and medium heat banana pepper rings. The cucumbers I allowed to sit in red wine vinegar and a little bit of canola oil while I prepared the rest of my dinner. And the peppers are the same as what I do for lunches.

Sometimes I'll have a big salad with a lot of added stuff (sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, lots of veggies, chicken, steak, or shrimp, olives, etc).

SNACKS

I usually eat trail mix, or the 100 calorie pack of nuts. I sometimes pair that with fruit, turkey bites, and/or a stick of colby jack cheese. I also enjoy chicharrons (BBQ is my favorite),

CALORIES

So I know I'm talking a lot about calories. So how do you figure out how many calories something has? Well, for starters, it's on the back of most packing along with the other nutrition information. Duh. But I would assume your question would be more along the lines of "How do I know how many calories are in my meal?" This has a simple answer. Get a calorie counter! There are plenty of free ones that you can use. I use MyNetDiary. Some of the options do want you to use the Premium paid service, but for the last 3 weeks, the free options have worked just fine for me. This app will ask you what your weight goal is, and will set a daily calorie intake for you based on your current weight, your goal weight, and when you want to reach that goal. It will adjust automatically based on your entries.

You can also link smart watches and smart scales to it.

On this app, you can track your calories by meal and snack. You can also track your weight loss, water intake, and goals. What I love about this app is it allows you to scan barcodes of the food you're eating and it automatically inputs the calories and nutritional information. AND it figures out the calories for you, based on how many servings you input. You can find the serving size on the package.

This doesn't work for everything, though. There are some things that you can't scan (restaurants, the drinks I get from Biloxi Nutrition). So with these, you can go online and search the calories or you can ask (Biloxi Nutrition has their values listed on their menu boards).

Portion control is imperative. Especially for calorie counting. It seems crazy that you can have only 3 mini pickles per serving- but pair it with a few almonds and a little bit of cheese and beef jerky and you have a low calorie snack and it's not going to feel like you're cheating yourself.

Log absolutely everything that you eat on the app. You may struggle for the first week but you WILL get it. It takes research and practice, and detailing your menu to the things that you enjoy.

GYM MEMBERSHIP

I got active. I joined the gym, and I actually go and work out. The best part of being active and doing workouts, is that it BURNS calories! What's so great about that? Well, let's say that the calorie app said you need 1500 calories a day to hit your goal weight in the time you allotted. You go to the gym and do a moderate workout on the treadmill or bike (or whatever). You burn 400 calories. Your 1500 limit just went up to 1900. Now, that doesn't mean you have to reach that limit- but you now have more wiggle room to eat something that may be a little higher in calories. The gym I go to has a separate app that you can download and scan the QR code on the machine- it automatically logs it so when I go to enter my exercise on the calorie counter, I can just pull the app up and see my total for the day rather than trying to remember it later on.

I don't get crazy with working out. I DO NOT go every day. The general rule of thumb is 30 minutes of moderate activity per day. Some weeks I go twice, some weeks three times. This also varies based on my schedule. However, when I go, I make sure to spend at least one full hour working out (So if I go twice, that's really 4 days; three times is 6 days, etc). So if you can't make it to the gym every day for 30 minutes, on the days you can go, double your time and do light activity during the days you're unable to go. 30 minutes a day seems like a waste to me- so I make it count when I do go.

One thing you have to remember: muscle weighs more than fat. So while you may see the scale rise in number (if you're focusing on muscle building), you will also see your clothing size shrinking. DO NOT let this discourage you! If you're working out and your clothes are loose but the scale says 5 lbs heavier, you're not failing- you're gaining muscle.

Also, learn to go to the gym by yourself, and be okay with the fact that you may not always have a companion to go with you. Sure, it's nice to have someone along with you- but you're never going to get anywhere in life if you're having to wait on someone to be with you in order to do what you want.

APPLE WATCH AND SMART SCALE

I also started wearing my apple watch every day. This keeps track of my heart rate and my step count (which you can also log on the app- I usually don't unless it's a workout day).

I purchased a smart scale that I can link to my phone. When I weigh myself, it gives me other measurements too. I purchased the RENPHO Body Fat Scale Smart BMI Scale Digital Bathroom Wireless Weight Scale, Body Composition Analyzer with Smartphone App sync with Bluetooth, 396 lbs - Black. It connects to my phone and keeps track of everything in the app. It shows me my BMI, body fat %, water, muscle mass, etc. It shows you how much weight you've lost or gained since your last weigh-in. It also shows how much your BMI has decreased and how much your body fat has decreased. You can set a goal on this app as well- but I haven't.

Another MAJOR thing about a scale- you're going to be tempted to weigh yourself every day to see if you've made progress. DO NOT DO THIS! This is a leading factor in why people fail with "diets". They weigh themselves daily- see no changes (or see the scale go up) and get discouraged. I'd suggest no more than once a week- twice if you must. I try to weigh myself every Saturday (since it was on a Saturday when I started this journey and my initial weight was taken the day before). If I want to see how my week is going, I MAY weigh myself on a Wednesday.

Here are some tips about weighing yourself:

Do not weigh yourself daily

Weigh yourself once a week

Weigh yourself in the morning- you weigh more in the afternoon/evening because you're carrying around everything you've had to eat and drink.

Weigh yourself naked. You'd be surprised how much clothes and shoes actually weigh.

Don't get discouraged by the number on the scale- again, if your clothes are fitting looser, then you're going in the right direction.

Also, please remember- you did not get to the weight you are over night and you're not going to lose it over night. If you're looking for a fast, low-hassle weight loss program, gastric bypass surgery may be more your speed.

WHAT I LEAVE YOU WITH...

If you made it to the bottom of this post, CONGRATULATIONS! I know it was a long read with a lot of information. You may still have questions and concerns- you may still be confused and unsure what your next step is. But the fact that you got to this means you're ready to start.

You've crossed the biggest hurdle, which is understanding that it's not going to always be easy to make the changes you need in order to see the weight loss you want. You're taking the first steps to a healthier, happier you.

If you have any questions or need any help, feel free to reach out to me. I will give advice and suggestions if I am able to help get you on the right path.

[mystrothedefender]

Can’t we have a nice ending? -BatJokes. Part 1.

This is going to be a nice long story!!! Inspired by @rosy057‘s idea.

AO3 link here

FF link here

Bruce’s joints ached with the use of the grappling hook, as he made his way to Ivy’s old rooftop garden. Where he’d met Joker almost every night for the past 7 years.

He approached the roof garden, the lights in the greenhouse were already on, meaning Joker was already there, as usual.

He landed with a not so graceful thud and felt an annoyingly familiar shock of pain through his knees. He cursed himself, taking a moment to breathe.

Joker’s voice called for him from the greenhouse.

“Bats!”

He drew the word out into 2 syllables, singing the word happily as he came out from his shelter.

Bruce straightened up as Joker approached him. The man seemed to be staring at his hand, the usually wide smile on his face wavering slightly.

“Is your wrist hurting again? I saw you flinch.” He took Batman’s hand and took the grappling hook from him, beginning to massage Bruce’s wrist, his eyes flitting from his wrist to Bruce’s face, studying him. “You know I’m the only one allowed to hurt you, darling.”

Bruce frowned and gently pulled his hand out of Joker’s grasp. ”I’m fine Joker. I just need to invest in something to make the pull a little softer.”

Joker let out a sigh, his eyes wandering to the floor as he began to walk back towards the greenhouse, “Batman, I’ve been thinking lately, about… well,” he smiled, turning his head back to Bruce, his voice a more serious tone than normal, “About you. About us.”

Bruce followed him into the small building, taking a moment to absorb the familiar set up; a multitude of plant pots turned upside down set up to form a kind of dining area, premade food and drink already arranged on the ‘table’.

“Thinking?” Bruce urged after a moment. He was slightly unnerved by Joker’s tone, it was rare that he sounded concerned.

Joker nodded, acting intentionally coy, he took a seat and began to unwrap his food. He extended his hand to gesture for Bruce to sit down.

Bruce moved to take his seat, watching Joker take a bite of his sandwich. “Thinking about what exactly?”

Joker held up a finger, continuing to chew his food, he swallowed and cleared his throat. “Now, uh, keep an open mind about this… But I think it’s time we stopped, uh, this.”

A hard weight seemed to fall on Bruce as Joker spoke. “Why?” he asked bluntly.

Joker smiled, putting his elbows on the table, his sandwich held limply in his hand, “Look, Bats… We’re old. I’ve got to be at least 70 now, I know you’re not much younger than me.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

Joker laughed and shook his head, “If I can admit it you can Batsy. You’re an old man. You’re slow, your joints hurt, it’s hilarious that you’re still doing this.”

“I’m leaving…” Bruce turned to get up, stopped by Joker taking his hand.

“Please, Batman,” Joker cooed, taking his hand and kissing his fingers. “Run away with me.”

Bruce let out a small forced laugh, “This is the funniest thing you’ve ever said, Joker.”

Joker chuckled, “I was being serious. Bats, please-please-please! It’ll be amazing.” He looked at him with fluttering eyelashes, “We can live out the rest of our days together.”

Bruce shook his head, “There’s no way you’re serious. I won’t even consider what you’re suggesting. I couldn’t leave Gotham, my children, grandchildren. I have a business empire, Joker.” He took off across the roof, picking his grappling hook back up and prepping it.

Joker sighed noticeably, following Bruce with his arms crossed.

“Batman, I’ve got something to ask you,” Joker stated firmly.

Bruce frowned, “No, Joker.”

Joker walked up to him and took his hand. Slowly, much to Bruce’s surprise, he got down on one knee.

“Batman, will you marry me?”

Bruce’s mouth lolled open a little, “... What?”

Joker reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring, “Marry me!”

Bruce shook his head weakly, “...No.”

“Please!”

“No?!”

Joker pouted cutely, “Please-please-please…”

Bruce crossed his arms, glaring down at him, “Joker where did you get that ring? You know our agreement.”

Joker shrugged, “It was my grandmothers’,” he offered.

“I’m serious.”

“Me too,” he wiggled the ring box in front of him, “Marry me,” he sang.

Bruce sighed, rolling his eyes, “So the options are I either run away with you or get married to you?”

Joker shook his head, “Marry me and we run away together.”

“No, and no.”

“I’ll do whatever you want… Come on Bats, just imagine, you come home from golf or whatever and then you find me in a sexy little maids outfit, following your every whim..?”

Bruce swallowed hard. “Joker, I’ll say this again. No.”

“Is it coz I’m old?”

Bruce rolled his eyes, “No, it’s because you’re Joker, and I’m Batman, and I can’t leave Gotham.” he shook his head, “And… You’re Joker.”

Joker began to get up, or began trying to, “That never stops you from fucking me does it? You’re just making excuses and,” he huffed, “For god’s sake help me up.”

Bruce reached down to pull Joker up, grunting a little with the effort.

Joker pulled him close, smiling softly, “Come on… Don’t make me beg, or... do something drastic.”

Bruce frowned, pulling away a little, “What do you mean ‘drastic’?”

Joker played with his hands on Bruce’s suit, “Oh I dunno… I could blow up the city, something like that.”

“That goes against our agreement.”

Joker sighed deeply. “Bats… Is our agreement the only reason you’re doing this?”

Bruce paused for a moment, “...At first it was.”

“But now? You love me right?”

Bruce frowned, “Joker. What are you doing here?”

“Do you love me?” Joker huffed and shook his head, “I just… It’s been 7 years. The same thing every night. I want more than a $5 dinner and occasionally bending you over a plant pot. I’m 74. I need to retire.”

Bruce clenched his jaw, swallowing the uncomfortable lump that’d come to his throat. “Joker… I do love you, but I can’t run away with you.”

“Then we’ll compromise,” Joker said happily, “We’ll get married here and I’ll move in with you.”

Bruce shook his head, “Joker, I’m not going to marry you.”

“Seven. Years.”

“Joker, no. I can’t, what would everyone say?”

“It doesn’t matter. You love me right? Don’t you want me for more than 2 hours per night?”

Bruce shrugged, nodding after a moment. After 7 years he had grown to love Joker. Most nights he looked forward to their meetings.

“Batman. I have to. I’m 73. I have to retire. Either you come with me, or I go by myself.”

Joker’s tone made Bruce uneasy. “What do you mean..?”

“Do you know where I live? Batman..?” Joker smirked, “I live in a shoebox 2 floors down from here. I have to walk down 17 flights of stairs and then 10 blocks if I need milk. The highlight of my day is climbing up here and having dinner with you, don’t even get me started on the sex.” he shook his head, “Damn.”

Bruce looked at him, flat faced, waiting for him to continue, he knew Joker’s rants had a point.

“... I want more. I don’t want it to end like this.”

“You’re talking like you’re dying again.”

Joker scoffed and chuckled, “I’m 75 and I haven’t exactly been good to my body. I can feel it comin’ like a fucking train.”

“Stop talking like that!” Bruce heard himself yell.

“No Batman! You’re being delusional! You can’t do this forever, and you can’t stay here. For fuck’s sake…” he shook his head, “Your kids have been trying to get you to stop haven’t they? They keep telling you you’re going to kill yourself. Listen to them, to me. Come on…”

Bruce shook his head again.

Joker approached him, putting his hands on Bruce’s sides. “Just think about it…”

.

Bruce trudged round the house. Fights between him and his sons were becoming more frequent. Like the Joker they were of the mind that he should quit.

‘Take it down to part time’, ‘Just work from the cave’, ‘You won’t get to see your grandkids grow up’.

It was ridiculous. He was fine. He didn’t need this stress, why couldn’t they just let him go about his business.

He needed to get ready to go out, it was getting late.

He headed downstairs, keeping his eyes intentionally off his adoptive son as he began to gather his things.

Dick’s eyes bore into him, making his chest tighten.

“Bruce,” Dick said sternly, looking over from the computer. “You’re not going out tonight. Me and Damian’ve got the city covered.”

Bruce frowned, “I’m not starting this argument again Dick, I’m going out, I told you.”

“In that case you’ll be going without your belt.”

“What?”

“You’ve kinda forced this one, Bruce. I’ve moved it. Like I said, you’re not going out tonight.”

Bruce stared him down, walking across the room. “Dick, I need my belt, you will give me back my belt.”

“No I won’t,” Dick stated firmly. “We’ve been through this. You’re not well, mentally or physically. You need a night off.”

Bruce let out a growl, “Richard.”

“Don’t ‘Richard’ me, you’re killing yourself. You’re having a night off.”

Bruce turned back to his equipment, picking up his stuff, his mind racing with angry thoughts. “You can’t keep me locked in my own home Dick. I’m going out if you like it or not. I don’t need my utility belt.”

“What about your car? You need the car?”

The batmobile looked fine from what Bruce could see. “What did you do to the car?”

Dick smirked up at him, “It won’t start. Not for you at least. I took your prints off its system.”

“What?!” Bruce felt his head grow hot with anger, “That’s my car Dick!”

Dick shook his head, “Well it doesn’t seem to think so.”

“It’s a car, it can’t think.”

Dick sniffed indignantly, “What are you gunna do? Call the cops on me?” he shook his head, “You’re not going out. It’s for your own good.”

Bruce growled, “You can’t stop me. I need to go out.”

“So you can almost kill yourself? No. I won’t let you. You can work from here but you’re not going out.”

“I said you can’t stop me.” Bruce turned to walk back upstairs, he would into his car and drive into town, to one of his secret bases in one of Wayne tech’s old buildings.

“Bruce are you really this determined to kill yourself?” Dick yelled, following him up the stairs. “Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being?”

“I’m not being selfish, I’m saving lives,” Bruce snapped back.

“No, saving lives would be you staying here and directing us from the cave, not putting yourself in danger…” he sighed, “We know about your heart. I found your pills.”

Bruce stopped in his tracks. “You what?”

Dick nodded, “Yeah. How could you not tell us? I get that you like your secrets but this is something really important. We want as much time with you as we can get, you’re putting yourself in harm’s way.”

Bruce stood still for a moment, he couldn’t wrap his head round this. He couldn’t believe they had gone through his things. They’d decided to take away his belt. They were telling him what to do. He wasn’t a scorned child with a bad report card. He was a grown man, he could make his own decisions.

“I’m continuing with my life as normal. I won’t let a couple of pills change my life.”

“It’s not just pills, your heart could give out! What if you die on the job?” Dick said desperately, “What then? Everyone will find out who you are, who we are. Think of someone other than yourself. You dying will affect all of us, not just me and Damian, our spouses, our kids? Do you really want that for them? Everyone will be after them.”

Bruce swallowed hard. That had occurred to him, but he’d brushed it off, not let himself think about it.

“I won’t die on the job.”

“Bruce, for fuck’s sake, you can’t control your heart. You don’t decide when you die.”

It was true, Bruce couldn’t control his heart.

“… I need some time to think, alone,” he said quietly, turning again towards his car.

.

Bruce sat on the highest tower, his favourite place in Gotham other than Ivy’s roof garden. This was his favourite place to think. He could see the whole scape of Gotham from here.

He looked out over the skyline. It looked so different now. The years had changed it as much as they had changed him. He loved this city, the feel of it, it was where he belonged, it was his home.

But Dick was right.

He couldn’t continue serving her like this. Even getting to this roof had been painful, almost taken the breath from him.

He turned at a noise behind him, seeing Joker climbing onto the roof behind him.

“Oh damn, you heard me?” Joker shook his head, approaching him, “I’m losing my edge… remember when I used to be able to sneak up on you,” he chuckled, letting out a soft growl, “You used to love that.”

“Joker what are you doing here? I’m trying to think.”

Joker shrugged, coming closer and reaching out to put a hand on Bruce’s hip. “Well… We usually have dinner, you didn’t show up.”

“I left a message.”

“I know, I got it.” He smiled, “I just wanted to pop over, see how you were doing, what you were thinking about,” he smirked.

Bruce huffed, “… I wasn’t thinking about your proposal.”

Joker chuckled, “That sounds like something someone who was thinking about my proposal would say.”

“I wasn’t. I uh…” he sighed deeply, “I should probably tell you something.”

Joker smiled, leaning against him, “Go on…”

Bruce cleared his throat before speaking, having Joker so close to him always put him off a little. “I’ve been diagnosed with a heart condition.”

“Oh…”

“I haven’t told anyone, and I wasn’t going to, but Nightwing found out.”

Joker pulled away a little, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bruce shook his head, “I didn’t really think it mattered, not until Nightwing confronted me today.”

Joker smiled again, “Then it looks like the decision’s been made for you.”

“No decision has been made for me,” Bruce said with a shake of his head.

Joker looked him up and down, “Then what’s with the old suit? You can’t even take the crotch off this one,” he let out a soft chuckle.

“You can,” Bruce corrected, “It’s just a little more difficult.” He cleared his throat, putting himself back on track, “Me being in this suit means nothing.”

“I think you’re lying… I think you sneaked out.” Joker smiled and swayed as he talked, “You snuck out and didn’t come to see me..?”

“I wanted some time to think.”

“About my proposal? How sweet.” Joker chuckled and shook his head, giving Bruce’s chest a soft pat, “You were thinking…” he looked out over the skyline, “About Gotham, ah yes, your one true love…” he chuckled again, “Batsy… You old fool. We’re both old fools really. Thinking we could keep doing this. How odd is it that I’m the one thinking more logically this time?” He looked back at Bruce, “Is it because you’re ill? You’re in denial about it? Maybe if you hadn’t gotten ill you would have taken your slow decline with a little more grace.”

Bruce shrugged, his eyes hadn’t left Joker’s face through his speech. “I don’t think so.”

“I know you’re afraid of getting old. But you’re not 30 anymore. You just gotta accept it, you can’t do shit no more. It hurt for you just to get up here didn’t it?”

Bruce shook his head, “I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, it hurt me, that means it hurt you. Look, your kids are gunna keep trying to stop you coming out, you’re gunna keep hurting yourself, unless you stay at home all the time and work from your little cave you can’t really help anymore, and I know you won’t be happy staying at home.”

“I’m not running away with you.”

Joker slapped his chest, “Come on! It’s the smart thing to do… Do it for me. Y-you can just try it! For like a month, it’ll be a nice holiday for you, some time away from the kids. Then if you don’t like it you can come back.”

“I won’t like it. And if I did that then they’d know about us. My kids can’t know about you.”

Joker smiled, “I thought of that already. I mean, look at me! I can’t go anywhere like this without being recognised. I’m going to dye my hair brown, get a uh, more natural looking lipstick. I mean, red’s nice and all but I look like mutton dressed as lamb.”

Bruce held back a smile. “They’ll still know it’s you, you have a distinctive voice, and my kids are smart enough to recognise the shape of your face.”

Joker scoffed, “You think too much of them, unless they’re looking for it they won’t see me. Believe me, I’m an expert.”

Joker scoffed, “You think too much of them, unless they’re looking for it they won’t see me. Believe me, I’m an expert.”

Bruce let out a soft huff, “You know us running away together would mean that you’d have to see me without the mask.”

Joker’s mouth fell open, “Oh my god, I did not think of that,” he shook his head, “Honey… Its been 7 years, I’ve seen you without your mask many many times.”

“But all the time?” Bruce shook his head, “It’d be a big change for us.”

“Then like I said, try it for a month. If it’s too hard or you hate it or whatever then you can come back.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow: there was no way that Joker would let him leave if he agreed.

Joker pressed himself against him again, his fingers dancing on Bruce’s hips, “You could get away from the kids, go golfing, learn to bake…” He leant closer, giving him a soft kiss, “... come on… You gotta admit it sounds fun.”

Bruce let out a breath against Joker’s lips, “It… It does. But-”

“Take the leap with me Brucey.” He kissed him again, “Come on…”

Bruce closed his eyes, a huff leaving him akin to a laugh. “You can’t just say ‘come on’ and kiss me and expect me to melt at your feet, when does that ever work?”

“It’s worked a couple of times. It’s always worth a try. As is you running away with me,” he bounced on his feet a little, “Come on Batsy! Please, pleaseeee? I have a plan. You know my plans are always good.”

Bruce smiled and chuckled softly, “The fish?”

“Hey,” Joker slapped Bruce’s chest again, “That one almost worked, I didn’t know you can’t copyright an animal.” he shook his head, “Batsy, baby, I’m going to keep asking until you say yes. It’s going to get more and more elaborate, tonight it’s me hunting you down and asking you, tomorrow it’ll be me hacking into every tv in Gotham and screaming it to the world. You know me, I’m as stubborn as a mule and I won’t give up till I get my yes.”

“…Ok,” Bruce said softly with a shake of his head.

Joker stopped, his eyes wide, “Did you say…”

“Ok. I said ok.”

“Ok as in yes?”

Bruce nodded.

Joker pumped his fist in the air, “Yes!” he laughed loudly, pulling Bruce into another kiss.

Bruce kissed back softly. “You’re right. Dick and Damian are just going to keep hindering me. I can’t work by myself… Staying here I’m just going to end up hurting my family.”

Joker giggled, bouncing up and down happily, “This is going to be amazing! Oh god this is going to be amazing!” He patted Bruce’s arm, “Now, you like your control, and I like the unknown, so I’ll leave all the preparation to you.”

“I’ll arrange everything.” He let out a sigh, shaking his head, “I never thought I’d do this.”

“Just for a month at first,” Joker reminded him, “In case we can’t stand each other,” he chuckled softly.

“Of course.”

.

Bruce would never have expected his life to come to this. It was exciting really. He’d told everyone he was going on holiday for a month to de-stress and figure out what he was going to do for his retirement. He hadn’t mentioned Joker, and he didn’t plan on doing so.

This would be a good opportunity, this first month, if he did like it he could scope out a potential house, one with a nice basement. If he decided to move full time he’d set up a system so he could still help out here when he wanted to, but he would be far enough away that no one would be put in any danger by his death.

It was painful to think about, but he’d forced himself to. The end was coming for both himself and Joker. They both needed to slow down.

Bruce couldn’t understand why Joker had been so insistent on them going together. Yes they loved each other, they’d been exclusive for the past 5 of their 7 years together, but Bruce had always assumed that Joker would disappear like an old cat, or just show up dead in an alley somewhere one day.

Death wasn’t something Bruce liked to think about, but that was how he’d assumed it would go. Maybe it was just his wishful thinking, he didn’t want to watch Joker waste away and die so to save himself pain he’d assumed he’d never see it.

He didn’t want to think about it.

For now he’d focus on this holiday.

He finished packing his last bag and dragged it down the stairs.

“Would you like some help father?” Damian asked upon seeing him, instantly getting to his feet.

Bruce shook his head, “I’m fine.”

Damian nodded, “Ok, you don’t want to keep your driver waiting, they’ve been sat outside for about 5 minutes.”

Bruce frowned, relaxing his grip on the case and straightening himself, “I didn’t order a driver.” He walked to the window and looked outside, letting out a huff at sight of a man outside.

“He said he was here for you,” Damian said with a shrug, walking over to take Brue’s case.

Bruce nodded, still looking out the window, a small smile on his face. He pulled away and began towards the door, Damian following him.

“Where is everyone?” Bruce asked, picking up a bag of his hand luggage as they walked down the hall.

“They’re at the entrance. They wanted to say goodbye.”

Bruce chuckled, “I’ll only be gone a month.”

“For a child a month is a long time.”

Bruce nodded in understanding, he opened the door to the entrance hall and saw his family smiling up at him: his other son, son in law, daughter in law, and 2 grandsons.

“Hey boys,” he cooed to the children, crouching down in front of them, “I’m going to miss you two. You’ve got to keep your dads in check for me ok? You’ve got my number, call me if they misbehave.”

The blond of the two nodded, clasping onto his mother’s arm for comfort. The other threw himself forward, wrapping his arms round Bruce in a tight hug.

Dick smiled down at his son’s show of affection, his grip on his husband’s hand tightening. “I think he’s going to miss you more, Bruce.”

Bruce chuckled, hugging the child back, “That’s impossible.” With a grunt he lifted himself to his feet, picking the boy up as he went. He leant over to ruffle Damian’s son’s hair, giving him a playful wink, “Dylan, the next time I see you I expect you to have finished my book.”

The boy looked away, nodding, obviously close to tears. His mother turned him to her and hugged him tight, “He probably would have finished the sequel too.”

“I hope so.” Bruce smiled and let out a soft sigh, “Ok. I’ll bring you all gifts I promise.”

He opened the door to leave, still holding his grandson, he walked out towards the car, followed by his family.

A smile came to his face at the sight of his ‘driver’. Joker was leant against the car, dressed in a smart black suit, his hair dyed dark, only a few shades lighter than Bruce’s along with longer and curlier, his lips were a pale pink, soft make up around his eyes. He looked almost normal, and to add to that quite familiar.

Bruce turned as he approached him, still intent on not introducing Joker to his family. ”Shane,” he said in mock surprise, “What am I still doing holding you? I was about to put you in the trunk with my bags, you wouldn’t want that.”

The child let out a laugh, his grip slacking on him.

“Dick, take your boy,” Bruce said, holding him out.

Dick approached, laughing, “Come on kid, want some icecream?”

The boy nodded in response. Dick bounced the boy in his arms a little, waving a goodbye to Bruce as he walked off.

“Take Dylan to get some too would you Maddie?” Bruce asked, smiling sweetly, hoping she’d accept without protest.

She nodded, smiling back equally sweetly. “Come on baby.” She led him away.

Bruce felt a slight relief wash over him. Joker had become pretty harmless in his old age and he had expressed a love for children, but Bruce didn’t trust him quite that much yet.

Maybe in time.

He smiled at Damian as they made their way to the car, he watched as his son began loading his bags into the car.

He looked over at Joker, the man smiling widely, obviously holding back laughter. He walked to him, “Hi, I didn’t realise I was being picked up.”

Joker shrugged, “I’m not charging you.”

“I’ll pay for gas.”

“Oh I’m sure you will,” Joker replied, a soft growl to his voice.

Bruce couldn’t help being made uncomfortable at his tone, with Damian right there, he’d notice.

He closed his eyes as Damian cleared his throat, “You’re ready to go now, father?” he asked.

Bruce nodded, “Yeah, as far as I’m aware I have everything.”

Damian glanced at Joker, looking him up and down. “Right…” he looked back at Bruce, “Let us know when you get there. Have fun.”

Bruce gave a small stiff nod. “I’ll see you in a month. Let me know if there’s trouble.” He narrowed his eyes for a moment, “…No metas in my city.”

Damian nodded, holding his hand up slightly, “I know, father. I know all your rules. Have fun, try to relax.”

Bruce got into the car, saying a short goodbye to Damian. Joker plopped down in the driver’s seat, looking over at Bruce.

“That’s a nice family you’ve got there Bats.”

“It’s Bruce,” he said with a smirk. “But, yeah, they are.”

“I hope I can meet them one day.”

Bruce nodded, “Yeah, I hope so too.”

I’m gunna mention this now too. I’ve gotten a lot of transphobic comments recently. so. Joker in this story is trans. Also Damian’s wife is trans. Lol. Fuck you.

[theconservativebrief]

The creation of a perfume is often treated as a bespoke art. The French pride themselves on centuries in the olfactory business, and professional scent masters — often referred to as “noses” — spend decades learning the craft, apprenticing under masters. Giant cosmetic companies such as Coty and Estée Lauder write huge checks to storied fragrance agencies, which will employ meticulous perfume chemists, scrupulous in the art of aromachology.

A common theme here is that the skill of developing a fragrance is extremely valuable — and extremely human. Scent is, after all, the sense that science says has the strongest ability to evoke memories, or trigger emotions and moods.

Now IBM is attempting to turn the traditional model on its head by harnessing the power of artificial intelligence to develop scents.

Symrise, a major global fragrance company based in Germany with clients including Estée Lauder, Avon, Coty, and Donna Karan, recently tapped the tech giant to study how machine learning can be applied in the world of fragrance.

IBM developed an algorithm that studies existing fragrance formulas and then compares the ingredients to other data sets, like geography and customer age. This algorithm, which was created in IBM’s Thomas J. Watson Research Center and which the company has named Philyra, can now develop new perfumes that will target very specific market segments.

Achim Daub, a Symrise executive, says the company has already sold two AI-developed perfumes to O Boticário, Brazil’s second-largest beauty store. The two scents, whose names were not shared with Vox, will start selling inside O Boticário’s 4,000 locations next year.

It all sounds a bit futuristic. How exactly does the process work? And how can an algorithm understand the sensual, transformative, and personal components of choosing fragrances?

Symrise has 1.7 million fragrance formulas that it’s collected over the years. These include scents that were sold to companies like Estée Lauder and Coty, which then market and package them as fancy perfumes, as well as flavors and concoctions used for things like toothpaste, pet food, detergent, candles, snack foods, and soda.

Symrise shared this list of fragrance formulas, along with information on how they performed sales-wise, with IBM. Philyra added these to a database and compared them to additional customer data provided by Symrise, like which scents were best-sellers and where, who was buying them, and which age demographic prefers which scents the most. Philyra can then use that information to create new formulas targeted to specific demographics.

A Symrise perfumer plays with fragrances created by IBM AI, Philyra. Symrise

Richard Goodwin, a research scientist at IBM who is part of the team that developed Philyra, describes this artificial fragrance developer as “a system whose learned to create a fragrance like a human apprentice.”

“Just like an apprentice would learn from a master what combinations of ingredients would work well, like what would be a good substitute for orange oil and when, or when to add rose oil instead of lemon, machine learning will create a fragrance based off which formula worked best,” he says.

In the case of the perfumes Philyra made for Boticário, the brand asked for scents that would target millennials living in Brazil. Philyra compared formulas against scents that were popular in that area and age range and came up with two. The first, according to Symrise senior perfumer David Apel, smells like “things I only can associate with exotic cuisine … fenugreek seeds, green cardamom pods, carrot seed, all wrapped with a milky, buttery, rich base note.” The other fragrance is a fruity, floral scent — seemingly aimed at girls — and has scents of Osmanthus tea with lychee and patchouli, which Apel calls “innocent, sparkling, effervescent.”

Daub says both fragrances received stellar responses from focus groups, and came out on top even when tested against other perfumes popular with Brazilian millennials.

Goodwin believes Philyra is an example of how “computers can be creative.” It can quickly create a new perfume by sifting through 1.7 million data sets with ease. This is similar to other AI creations, like how a data scientist created the Meow Generator by adding thousands of photos of cats into a generative adversarial network.

Daub says Symrise decided to hire IBM after reading about Chef Watson, IBM’s AI cooking app. The same supercomputer that dominated Jeopardy in 2011 made headlines for its ability to concoct new recipes in a partnership with Bon Appétit.

Daub felt the mixing, brewing, and smelling components of the food world was similar to the development of commercial fragrances, and thought AI could help the company innovate. Symrise also recently invested $6 million into Phlur, the fragrance startup that sells its perfumes to customers online by pairing scents with music and photography. Daub believes AI will ultimately help the fragrance market make money by targeting “missed opportunity” in fragrance sales.

He’s careful to say that Philyra won’t replace humans in the fragrance development process — not yet anyway. In the case of the two perfumes that will be sold at O Boticário, a machine developed the fragrances but a master perfumer at Symrise tweaked the product “to emphasize a certain note and improve how long it lasted on the skin,” according to Goodwin.

“It’s a very human reaction to be concerned about technology replacing a human, and we’re not talking about replacing perfumers tomorrow,” says Daub. “This isn’t something to necessarily market to customers, but the internal capability is that can increase efficiency and speed.”

Instead, he says Philyra will function like “an apprentice that the master perfumer will be able to work with” — which sounds a whole lot like replacing apprentice perfumers to me, but details! Symrise plans to roll out the use of Philyra into its perfume school soon.

It makes sense for Symrise to want to increase its speed and efficiency in developing fragrances: There’s plenty of money to be made. The global fragrance market is worth $48 billion, per Euromonitor. Perfumes are cash cows for fashion brands because they are an accessible purchase. Most can’t afford a Chanel handbag, let alone Chanel clothing, but a bottle of Chanel No. 5 is far more attainable.

Britney Spears promoting her fragrance, “Curious” in 2004 at a Macy’s in New York City. Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Fragrances are also huge business opportunities for celebrities; stars like Elizabeth Taylor, Jennifer Lopez, and Britney Spears have made millions by attaching their name and image to perfumes.

And algorithms now drive fashion brands big and small, from Stitch Fix to Choosy. They’ve even piqued the curiosity of huge retail giants like H&M, which wants to learn how to better predict what it will sell so that it doesn’t end up sitting on $4.3 billion worth of unsold clothes again. Skin care startups are also keen on using AI to perfect and develop personalized beauty products.

The idea with all these companies is that data sets can work just as well as and often even better than people, in gathering information and developing products.

Applying machine learning to the fragrance industry, for instance, could help companies dupe highly coveted scents without violating trade secrets by using an algorithm to simply tweak the formula slightly.

“The outcome of this is still quite open,” Goodwin says. “Will this be used to develop fragrance formulas faster? Will we understand market successes in different parts of the world, and better be able to learn about customer preferences? Will leaner formulas be designed? We’re still halfway through exploring.”

The pushback, of course, is that something as personal as beauty, fragrance, and style, served as an algorithm, can feel sterile.

As Chandler Burr, a former New York Times perfume critic turned scent master, said in 2014, “perfume transforms from a merely artisanal craft to a true art because it lies. The point of art is to make people feel things, to manipulate people. The stronger and deeper the emotional and intellectual reaction is, the more successful that work of art is.”

Burr describes fragrance as something that gives people “an emotional and intellectual response.” A computer can generate the formula for a best-selling perfume among a certain demographic, but does it understand why those formulas are so popular — like why perfumes that are sweet and flowery are marketed to teen girls, and why some actually prefer to push against this stereotype?

There are those on the smaller business end of the fragrance industry who think Philyra can actually benefit perfumers. Julia Zangrilli, the founder of the customer fragrance company Nova, sees this type of AI technology as a boon to the fragrance industry. It might get rid of midlevel perfumers, but it could smaller perfumers make a wider variety of products, since the costs of labor and development would decrease.

“The technology does what could be considered by some as ‘busywork’ — the building the skeleton and main body of a fragrance,” she says. “Maybe not romantic in a classic creation sense, but this is super useful technology that both identifies new pathways and saves time and labor.”

Symrise doesn’t yet know whether tech like Philyra will affect the cost of perfumes, and it’s too early to tell if this type of AI can be rolled out on a large scale, to the point that everyone can get their own personalized fragrance with the press of a button. So for now, AI’s effect on customers is probably small.

There will no doubt be the purists who will only want to buy fragrances that are handmade and “authentic,” but Zangrilli compares IBM’s take on perfumes to buying premade pizza and adding toppings. Perhaps it’s not the same as artisanal, bougie pizza, but it can still be delicious.

Original Source -> Is AI the future of perfume? IBM is betting on it.

via The Conservative Brief

[stephanielipsey-blog]

Helping Others.

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They may certainly not create considerably coming from financing fees but 4% merchant servicing costs can easily suggest quite a bundle, if the acquisition quantity is actually high sufficient. Create a big rounded massage motion coming from under the bosom, up and around the best portion of the bosom under the collar bone tissue. The intensity this dedication might be peremptorily dismissed as the unfounded optimism from the normal American-- I might not be actually Donald Trump now, but only you stand by; if I do not make this, my kids will. They regularly make philanthropic gifts wanted to improve individual properly being actually.

[mikialynn]

2016 Reflection

I turned twenty-six this year--strode past that quarter century mark in what really is turning out to be an ever-hastening pace forward. Recognizing that I'm still young and should be focused on enjoying my present instead of getting nostalgic over it, I do think that age, growing up and defining "adulthood" were major themes of this year that can't be ignored. It feels like I've hit a second round of awkward pubescent years--the adultweeens. It's as if I had a major growth spurt into my mid/late twenties and am now expected to know how to embody this oversized and uncomfortable role. Obviously I don't. And obviously many of my peers don't. We commezirate over being expected to take on adult responsibilities while still feeling like we're college kids. However, despite what I think is clearly a fact that we're not adults, I have friends who are getting married and having babies! I've been a bridesmaid three times! We're children playing this adult version of house. It's surreal.

It is true that I am at least more adult than I have ever been, but that's not saying much. I can now comfortably cook chicken without worrying that it'll turn out raw, but all my sauces and pastes are still premade. I do my taxes, but it still feels as new and stressful as the first time everytime (and for the most part I just email friends for help). I'm en route to a master's degree, yet I've never held a job for more than one year and my largest investment is still my laptop.

I've also seen a change in how people react to me--how the world is labeling me even though I haven't really changed. Before, when I'd say my age or talk about what I'm doing, I could read their faces: How sweet and exciting! Such potential. So much ahead of her. Now I see a much more muted reaction: Oh okay twenty-six, not a kid then. I see, you do environmental management. Do I? How does one do environmental management? I apply for one to two year gigs. I make new friends and fall in love. I travel. I learn about my world and myself. That's what I do. I like to think about society and the environment and what can be done to improve our relationship. But so far that's not what I do. I have absolutely no idea what kind of job I want to have. Or where I want to live. Or how I could ever be satisfied with a  9 to 5 job that wasn't just a temporary situation.

I guess that's the major tension of this year. I can see that I am reaching a point where certain important decisions about lifestyle and career often happen, but I'm reluctant to make decisions that have long-term effects. As far as I can tell, growing up seems to mean a loss of flexibility. I'm just not ready for that.

But there are consequences to my resistance that I struggle with. My parents are getting older and are not in their best health. It makes seense to be home in Hawaii to take care of them. But selfishly, I wish it wasn't at that point yet. I wish I had a few more years to travel and live freely. And relationships--how many am I going to end because I refuse to live somewhere based on secure jobs rather than interesting locations? When will the benefits of my lifestyle be outweighed by the losses I suffer from not staying within one community and building on the relationships I already have in those places?  

If I think on these things--especically on my parents--than I do get a little overwhelmed. For the most part though, I'd say it's been a good year. It's been a full year of not having to make any hard decisions. I sense that I'm in an important transition, but for at least this year, I have been able to enjoy just being at this stage. All I had to do was do work for my classes, say yes to social events that were just handed to me, and get to know this dude with a beard--all very enjoyable things.

So let's go through the highlights. Technically I started the year off single, though I'd been talking with Esteban a bit and had gone out on a date. I remember the start of the year being very exciting. I had settled into schoolwork at Duke and was feeling good about the continued ease of doing well in my classes. January had a bit of drama, which I would have never voluntarily stepped into. It culminated at Winter Formal, and ended with a sweet walk to the Duke water retention pond where Esteban and I cleared the air and I accidentally almost spoiled Christmas for a little girl by declaring loudly that Santa wasn't real.

In January I also visited Mexico City with Ani and his friends. We officially stayed in separate hostels and did a very mature, civilized trip as just friends. It was harder for him post-trip though, so I think I realized I needed to cut back on communication after that. I visited him and Sojung one last time in DC over the summer before they both (funnily enough, as they can't stand each other) headed to Rwanda for new jobs. The next highlight was my Puerto Rico trip with Barb. It was fun driving around the island, seeing a biolumenescent bay, and making memories with Barb. I realized she is definitely a forgetful traveler (eg having to unscrew a locker to get to her keys for the lock she'd locked the locker with), but she's probably the closest friend I'll take away from Duke.

I also got my top choice for my master's project and summer internship. I am working with the Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association to prioritize parcel acquisition for green space and upstream green infrastructure retrofits with Mahima, an excellent partner and one of my favorite people at Duke. For my intership, I was assigned the Urban Water intern with The Nature Conservancy. While the summer job didn't turn out great--I was given vague direction to research storwater in North Carolina and I wasn't sure how to best do, and I also didn't have the best relationship with my supervisor--overall the organization let me do fun conferences and outdoors activities and I had a great impression of them.

Also over the summer I traveled to India with Esteban. I hadn't expected to do such a big trip over the summer, but his push for India got me to plan for it. It was nice to see the balance of our two travel desires result in that trip. He wanted to see a lot of places, but I knew it wasn't feasible without planning. However, he also stopped me from planning too much so we'd still have the flexibility to find our hostels and short-distance transport when we were there. The trip was also kind of a make it or break it for us in my mind. Prior to the trip, we'd had a difficult coversation where I realized we were not on the same page about the relationship and I very nearly ended it. Unfortunately going into the New Year that conversation is still something that lingers with me, but for the most part I think we've grown a lot closer since then. And yes, we did survive the trip! We hiked across living root bridges, rode camels in the desert, hiked in the himalayas, and braved the crowds of Delhi and Mathura. Other summer highlights include deciding to take a hip hop dance class at Ninth Street Dance Studio, switching to a bike as my mode of transport, and the cultural phenomenon of Pokemon Go. Also, my sister got married and I was her maid of honor! And lastly, communication with Ani basically dropped to zero by the time I left for India and he moved to Rwanda.

My second year at Duke was a little different than the first. Both Barb and I had boyfriends, so we weren't at home as often and have had some problems making time for each other. We did a hip hop class together though! We also had two new roommates-both first years. I felt a little bad about not being as present with them as they may have liked for a nice home dynamic, but in the end I just didn't have enough time. Classes plus the MP, boyfriend, and a host of new hobbies (working out more regularly, hip hop with Barb and Blues dance with Esteban, and some of Esteban's hobbies like Magic The Gathering) kept me busy enough to just add on the occassional social event. But I was fine with that--I naturally only invest in a few key people and my studies after the initial excitement of a new environment wears off.

On the note of studies, it's been interesting. I definitely enjoy certain classes like my geospatial anaysis and statistics classes, but I always wonder how much I'll actually use those skills outside of school. I know they're good so that I can be conversant in them even if I don't take on those technical roles, but sometimes I wonder if I'm choosing the right classes. Maybe I should have focused more on business, finance or policy? Or strictly on some fun science like marine biology? It's so hard to know. The future is a complete mystery to me. I'm struggling to envision a job that allows me the lifestyle I want and that is also related to the issues I find most compelling. Unfortunatly, it sometimes feel like the two just don't go together.

Currently I'm in Mexico City staying with Esteban's family to celebrate New Years and his dad's birthday. Before this we were in Hawaii for over two weeks. I could have gone with my Princeton friends to Kenya and Tanzania for our first college friends getaway, but the pricetag was too high for my current situation. It's a bit sad seeing them posting photos, but I feel like I've grown more distant from my college friends this past year than every before. There's a certain level of maintaining appearances and intellectual competitiveness with that crowd that sometimes just overwhelms me. It's a bit sad, but I also feel like I'm settling into myself this year. Settling into my interests, my hobbies and the type of people I like to surround myself with.

Anyway, the trip is going reall well! Hawaii involved visiting grandma, hiking to lava, seeing manta rays, whales and tons of fishies, fishing, swimming with turtles and doing pretty hikes. It was also a lot of family time, including sleeping over at both my sister's and brother's, tagging along on Joe and his new girlfriend (Trisa's) marathon, and moving fish feed bags. So far in Mexico we've stayed at his grandma's house, I've gotten to know his mother, younger brother, and a few uncles, aunts and cousins. I'm currently at his father and stepmother's place, and am gradually getting to know them. There have been a lot of fun similarities between our families--sweet mothers that both frustrate us, brothers with new girlfriends who haven't seen Star Wars, dogs with cones who keep liking themselves, issues with water and electricity. There will be a few more days of family festivities and then it'll turn into more tourist activities. Being unable to participate in a number of situations because I can't speak Spanish has been frustrating at times--especially since I like to make good impressions--but I think things are settling into an alright routine.

So the year has been overall really enjoyable. I've got to travel again, which always makes me feel excited about life. I definitely feel more mature, though I'm not at the stage I think some might expect of me at this age. Next year will probably involve some big decisions, so I'm just going to enjoy this next semester as much as possible. For the first time, I really have no idea what might happen next. I don't have a fellowship telling me where to live. I don't have a scholarship forcing me to go back to school (or at least I don't think it makes sense to pursue the PhD right now). I can live anywhere. I can do anything. It's pretty exciting.

In summary, I think the reality is I'm perfectly on track. No rush. I'm just going to enjoy the phase of life I'm in. Just what to do about my parents?