#i feel like i always tag the same people i'm sorry
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animentality · 3 days ago
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I know x reader fans have always existed, and I don't generally mind them.
however I feel like the way they've overtaken fandom analysis/ shipping culture is an indication of the general decline of fandom communities.
they are normies, guys. I'm sorry.
it's not a slur, it's just a fact.
normies infiltrated fandom spaces because of covid.
they come in and just want to thirst after a particular character... and that's like. fine. of course it's fine it's always happened.
but they don't seem to actually care about the character being in character. nor does it really require any analysis of that character's motivations or story, or their relationship with others.
I know not everything HAS to relate to canon. like duh, we are here to make our own canon.
but come the fuck on. I go into a tag and it has a character tagged being some dommy daddy when that character is nothing like that in canon... and there's this line between making a character act a certain way bc that's your fetish, and completely ignoring who that character is entirely to the point where you could just replace their name with anyone else in any other show, and it wouldn't make a difference?
like that's... normie shit. it's people who do not think deeply or passionately about that media, it's just them having this surface level grasp of the physical attractiveness of the character.
and again. I'm not saying these people are stupid or whatever, just that the overabundance of this watered down ass content is an indicator of how much fandom has changed.
fans are not the socially awkward introverted queer voyeurs anymore, who enjoy fantasies and daydreaming about being someone else because of this disconnect with the self, or this fear of others that leads you to seek human connection in fiction.
they're the people who do just fine with other people ... and I'm not gatekeeping fandom from people who aren't socially awkward or anything.
but they come here, and they do shit like say you can't like this ship bc it's morally wrong .. you're not allowed to thirst after an 18 year old that makes you a pedophile... I'm 15 and I'm allowed to lust for Gojo but you a 25 year old woman, aren't allowed to write itafushi fanfiction.
go back to taxes and your job!!!
like that drives me fucking insane. these people want to insist they're not normies but they then go around insisting that being over 20 means you need to Work and Be a Normal Adult... bitch.
adults make fandoms. not you fucking children. you don't know how to build communities, you barely know how to make friends.
attacking people who like the same thing you do? is that what you think community building is?
oh this poor generation. anyway.
they come here and are disgusted by weird fetishes and obsessions. and by people sharing sexual headcanons or ideas about sexuality that make them uncomfortable because they've never ever been counter culture, they've never felt the need to go against the status quo.
they're cis straight girls/women mostly, whose mothers basically fuel the ya spicy romance booktok industry.
they're just younger and think it's trendier to be "in a fandom" than a fucking book club.
they're modern day bodice ripper fans... which again
would be so fucking fine, if they weren't doing the youth version of karening the fuck out.
and flooding the fandom with both hyper criticism of how you conduct your business AND an aggressive market for just imagining yourself with a character.
like fandom was originally just hyper passionate freaks.
they discussed movies and TV shows like life and death. they were fucking nuts but in the way where they needed to seek one another out, to share in this joyous sensation of being a freak obsessed with something beyond the point of reason.
now?
now it's like ... oh.
Sally from Bio thinks your love of Gaara is super creepy when you're 19. like what, are you a pedophile? why are you imagining him getting married to Naruto? are you a fucking pedophile who gets off to teens making out? they need to check your hard drive!!
like ok Sally.
ok.
I just think x reader is such a strong indicator of what kind of fan you are.
and if a fandom is mostly x reader... then it can't be that popular. it can't be a proper community.
how can it be?
it's as watered down and generic and bland as a marvel movie. it's stripped down of anything unique. it is pruned of controversy and humanity.
you are literally stripping yourself down into a non character.
you're not truly projecting yourself into a character, because the you that you read about is nothing. a placeholder. you are a passive observing robot who exists only in the form of a faceless and personality less entity.
and I don't get it.
what's the point then?
isn't fiction about realizing something about yourself or others
if your only manner of engaging is stripping yourself of personality... is it engagement at all?
or is it just more mindless consumption?
just watch law and order, man.
watch the good doctor or some shit on lifetime.
there's shows with passionate fanbases who theory craft and endlessly obsess with relationships and world building, and then there's shows with x reader only content and you know exactly why now.
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iwritejustforfun · 3 days ago
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Coconut scented ꩜ .ᐟ (part 1)
part 2 ����
Chishiya Shuntaro x reader
Word counts: 1.5k
Summary: Reader was a hairdresser back in the normal world, when she met Chishiya, she was determined to take care of his hair.
Warning: The first part of the series, this part contains the use of pet names, f!reader. I used different colors to distinguish each character's words.
Writer's note: English is not my first language so i'm extremely sorry if my grammar is not correct, feel free to correct me, thank you and enjoy 🫶
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You were a hairdresser back in the normal world, so you would always take extra care of your hair. To you, hair is the most important thing to determine a person's beauty. You’re big on self care, because you love to feel clean and pretty, it makes you feel happy and confident. So that’s why when you got to the Borderlands, one of the first things you did was running to get important hair, skin care and make up products to bring with you.
The first game you joined was tag. When the game started, you went up to the highest floor to observe the situation, that seemed obvious to you. And that is when you met a man with blond hair to his shoulders, wearing a white hoodie, hood covering his face. He waved at you when he saw you, and the first thing you notice was how crispy his hair was (it was actually his sharp eyes but eh). You waved back.
“So, same idea?” – He asked as you walked over to him.
“Yeah, it seems like we’re the only smart ones here”.
He let out an amused chuckle.
You both waited their for a while, making comments about how the other players are doing. And when you saw the shooter got out of his way to protect that specific door, you knew. So as soon as they stopped shooting, you grabbed the blond man’s hand and dragged him with you – “Let’s go. Quick”.
You quickly got to the door, but then you suddenly stopped – “Wait, if this is really the room, then why didn’t the tagger just wait here? What if…” – you looked at the man.
He smirked – “Well, there’s only one way to find out” – then he swung the door open and you both rushed in. You were standing in the dark and quiet room when you heard a slight noise behind you – Fuck. You quickly turn around to grapple the person behind you, pointing their gun in the air while it was shooting violently. You were struggling when suddenly you heard a loud buzzing noise and the tagger just fell to the ground, the blond man just electrocuted them with the electrocutor he made himself. Without hesitating, you quickly yanked the gun out of the tagger’s hands and shoot them right in the head, making the man look at you in surprise.
“You can never be to cautious, right?” – you gave him a cocky smirk.
Then you both entered another room only to discover two buttons that needed to be pressed at the same time to end the game. Which you both did, the game ended quite quickly thanks to the both of you.
You then parted ways, not thinking that you’ll meet each other again until you decided to join The Beach. And there you met him again, but not only was he a member, he’s also an executive, which means he must be very smart - from the interaction in your first game, you can tell that he is. That’s why you need to find a way to get close to him, to be safe from the chaos of The Beach.
When the night came, everyone was called down to the pool by Hatter to celebrate the new members. You were wearing a big hoodie to hide your bikini, you don’t know what kind of people you’ll face here. That’s when you saw the blondie along with another girl – she has dreads, interesting. He saw you from affar, a flash of surprise crossed his expression but quickly disappeared, then he waved at you, so you waved back and decided to get to them, trying to weave through the crazy crowd.
“Hey blondie, we meet again” – you looked down at him, making him scoff at the nickname, then you turn to give the girl a greeting smile.
“His name is Chishiya, and i’m Kuina” – she said, a little reservedly.
“Hiya, i’m Y/n” – you sat down in next to her, facing the blond.
“Have you guys met before?” – she can’t help her curiosity.
“We did, in the tag game” – he cut you off.
“Ohhhh, I see” – she nudged him – “So this is that smart girl huh?”
Ah, so they’ve talked about you. You smiled, looking at him but his eyes seem to wander elsewhere – observing everyone else. You also observed him for a while, then couldn’t help yourself – “Chishiya, what kind of bleach did you use on your hair?”. Upon hearing the question, the pair looked at you.
“Hm? I don’t know, whatever the hairdresser gave me” - he shrugged, but there’s a hint of curiosity in his eyes.
You furrowed your brows, can’t help but think out loud – “You bleached your hair, so that means you must care about your appearance. But at the same, you neglect it to the point where it becomes frizzy, which could mean you were too busy to take care of it. Was is because of your job?”. You paused.
“Were you a doctor or something?”
That statement shocked Chishiya, he’s not the type to be open about his life in the normal world, but you could correctly deduce what he does just by the condition of his hair. He nodded – “You’re sharp, i’m surprised”.
“Eh, I was a hairdresser, so it’s nothing” – you shrugged.
“Hm… let’s go” – You suddenly stood up.
“Huh? Where are we going?” – asked Kuina.
“To my room, come on” – before they could even protest, you took both of their hands and ran, dragging them behind you. You arrived at the door of your room in no time and pushed them both in and closed the door.
“Chishiya, take off your jacket” – you said bluntly.
“What?” “What?” - they blurted out in unison.
“I said, take off your jacket. I’m gonna take care of your hair”.
“Omg that sounds fun, can I help?” – she beams – “Pleaseeee?”
“Of course, Kuina” – you chuckled, she’s such a cutie.
Before Chishiya could say anything, you both yanked the jacket off him and pushed him into the bathroom. He seemed surprisingly calm though, like he was kinda looking forward to it. You then motioned for him to sit down on the floor, then grabbed all of your hair products and lay them all out. Then you sat down on the edge of the tub behind him, beginning your work. You decided to use your favorite shampoo on him, they’re coconut scented. You wet his hair first, then spray the shampoo on your hands and lather it, then proceed to massage his scalp. He seemed to relax and lean back into your touch, enjoying it. It was about 1-2 minutes after when you stopped because you swore you heard something. You knew Kuina heard it too by the way she’s looking at you in surprise.
“Chishiya… are you purring?!?!”
“Mmmm… just be quiet” – he whispered. It has been so long since he felt this relaxed, he didn’t want Kuina to ruin it.
“Aw, you’re like a kitty” – you smiled, your tone was soft, not wanting to disturb him. Oddly, he felt something strange in his stomach when he heard those words from you, but he brushed it off, not thinking much of it.
After you finished shampooing and massaging his scalp, twice (with the help of Kuina), you turn over to grab a deep hair mask. You scooped out a good amount then ran it through each strand of his hair, brushing it out thoroughly. Then you just let it sit for approximately 5 minutes while gossiping with Kuina about some random stuffs.
After that, you let Kuina rinse him off then led him to your dressing table to blow dry his hair. It was only when you were drying his hair that you noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. He seemed soft but was actually kinda toned and- Omg. He has a happy trail. Damn wtf. Realizing you were staring, you cleared your throat and looked away hesitantly. Chishiya definitely noticed but didn’t say anything, though he didn’t even try to hide the smug look on his face. And when you were done, Chishiya was left with smooth, healthy and shiny hair.
“Hm, can’t deny that you did a good job” – he said, stroking his hair, clearly feeling himself.
“It smells really good too” - Kuina adds.
“Why thank you” - you bowed – “I used my favorite shampoo, it’s coconut scented, I love it so much”
That made Chishiya pensive, he couldn't help but get stuck on the fact that you’re both having the same scent, your scent. He was almost lost in his thoughts when suddenly he heard you grunting.
“Ughhh, I forgot to take my hoodie off so now it’s all wet” – you complained – “I don’t even have any other clothes to cover myself with”.
“Just wear your bikini like me, you’ll be fine!” – Kuina patted your head – “Besides, if anything happens, you have me by your side”. Awwww.
Thanks to her encouragement, you finally decided to just take off your hoodie, revealing the black bikini underneath, you chose it because it was simple. Now don’t get the wrong idea, you’re confident in your own skin, but suddenly getting exposed like this made you feel kinda shy.
“Oh my god… you’re smoking hot!!!” – Kuina exclaimed with widened eyes, one hand over her mouth. She did expect you to have a nice figure but this really took her by surprise. Chishiya was just as impressed as her, he was trying to secretly check you out but you most definitely noticed by the way he was constantly glancing at you.
Fuck, you’re really gonna give him a hard time.
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crookedfivefingers · 3 months ago
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3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ
link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say “he's not seeing me/he doesn't look at me” but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say this—#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)—#Ten not only SAW Martha—he trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because “it's still too raw”#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasé about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and it’s fine 😂#but if I didn’t give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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necrotic-nephilim · 4 months ago
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for the recent ask game, i’m really curious about your take on 7 + 8 :P
for the choose violence ask game!
7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how the fandom acts about them?
i'll be so honest: Jason Todd. i know there's a lot of argument of "who has the worst fans" and i think that question is flawed and impossible to answer, but i will say Jason fans irked me so deeply. because i read mostly 90s era Batfam, i admittedly didn't have a lot of exposure to Jason for a while, expect for his New-52 runs i'd read years ago. and since i never liked him based on those runs, i could not understand *what* his fans liked about him, or where they got some of their headcanons/ideas from. i've never been more baffled. it ranges from "oh i don't agree but you do you, i guess?" to "what character are you talking about i am BAFFLED". and it soured me on Jason for so long that i actually hate read *most* of his pre-Flashpoint appearances just to understand what on earth people liked about him. and now i can say, i love him dearly, but i can also say, i still don't know what character his fans are talking about sometimes. and i hate the fanon version of Jason who feels almost, Deadpool-ified? with this self-aware slapstick humor but a sad soft interior but also sassy and will kill a man it's just. it feels very hollow to me and it has made me almost tempted to block his character tag more than once over the years bc sometimes certain takes make it difficult to even like him. i just have to tune it out or yell about it for hours.
8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about
i'm going to get particularly saucy with this one: that Dick Grayson has Eldest Daughter Syndrome. or more generally, that he was parentified. not a single ounce of Dick's backstory indicates him as being parentified. to be parentified you have to be a child taking care of other children either emotionally or physically because your parents are not fulfilling that role. and Dick was *never* a child at the time that another child was under Bruce's care. he has been an adult for the entirety he has known every other Batkid. and even then, the *only* one he was something you could akin to being a parent figure to was Damian, and Dick *chose* that. Dick was a grown-ass man in his late 20s who had the facilities and capacity to make the decision to be Damian's primary caretaker. he's never been parental toward any of the other Batkids, nor has Bruce ever forced upon him the role of having to raise them. did Bruce do a sort of questionable job with Dick? yeah. but i would argue Bruce did the best job with Dick of all the Batkids, and even if he was shitty with Dick, he couldn't parentify Dick bc there was no one for Dick to be parenting. and Dick wasn't parenting Bruce either. they just had a normal relationship of loving and caring for each other.
as for Eldest Daughter Syndrome i just.. i Do Not Like calling any male character "female coded" or "female rage coded" or "eldest daughter coded" because they're *not*. especially not in *this* medium. these are male characters, created by men, written by men 90% of the time, and written to be *male power fantasies*. nothing about Dick or Jason or any Batboy is female-coded bc they exist to be badass men. just because they show emotion and have complex relationships with Bruce doesn't make them suddenly women. Dick shows his anger in a very destructive, stereotypically "masculine" way. even if we strip it of gender, Dick doesn't exhibit most traits of Eldest Daughter Syndrome. he easily makes relationships with people his age, he has no issues telling Bruce no, he did not have caretaking responsibilities forced onto him by Bruce, he's not even really hyperindependent. Dick has a support system outside of the Bats, the fandom just ignores it. does Dick force caretaking responsibilities onto himself sometimes? can he be an overachiever? absolutely. but these are internal complexes that just come with making a character a superhero, it's a complex they all have. if i have to hear one more fan call him Eldest Daughter Syndrome-core or say he's a victim of parentification, i think I'll explode a little bit.
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housederiva · 22 days ago
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Your art is FANTASTIC and the random observations/polls/interjections you make have really helped to fuel the DA fandom in positive ways! Which it definitely needed after Veilguard's release, lmao. It's always a pleasure to see you on my dashboard!
That's very kind of you to say oh my gosh thank you so much. I'm just bumbling around and every once in a while I say something people think is worth sharing, and I like sharing what other folks feel/make too! I'm glad I'm a not too much of an annoyance xx
I think my favorite thing about having this blog is the notes I see on other peoples posts I rb, it’s nice seeing all sweet things get things sent an artist way or conversations/theories carried on in a rb chain
It’s a big ol show n tell and it’s a wonderful reprieve from my normal day to be able to see other folks stuff too ✨
#I have a bunch of asks turned peanut gallery thoughts i haven't answered sorry guys i've been a workin...whatever i am#and ask asks too... oh no ahhh#asks for bee#thoughts from the peanut gallery#It's a very beautiful sandwich I just wish it had more meat instead of lettuce if that makes any sense?#and there's nothing wrong with being disappointed with what shipped#i dont think you should put something you love so high up on a pedistool that the flaws can't be seen anymore...#but going out of your way to be an ass to someone isn't my gig so i'm happy folks that follow this blog feel that same way#I want this to be a little safe space that's not just entirely one point of view#and I'm really lucky that I have so many people following this blog that are kind to each other in the notes when i rb something that isn't#-a shared feeling with everyone#its really cool that for the most part folks are respectful to one another in my tags/comments#like i wouldn't been able to ask for the Anders vibe check this time a year ago without folks being mean to eachother#oooo i hope i don't jinx it#ah im rambling again!#thank you for the kind words!!!#this blog has grown so much since MELE and Veilguard#its sweet xx#(I’m of course not without fault and had my share of asshole moments but I’m trying not to let my anger be the strongest part of me)#I know I can be snippy but if I was truly irked by someone I would just block them and move on#and I hope that’s what folks to do with me too#i’m sorry I don’t respond to your asks super fast all the time but my inbox is always open for pretty much whatever#…just not any more dreams about varrics feet please?#I’m still rambling ahhhh!!!#you can really tell I’m snuggled up and about to fall asleep huh whoopsy!#thank you for the chill tumblr space everyone! That’s all I was trying to say!!
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st4rstudent · 25 days ago
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
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Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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oidheadh-con-culainn · 1 year ago
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i'm sorry i'm not being fun enough on my personal blog which is the only place on the internet i get to just be a person and not have to be professional because it's the only place my colleagues and employers don't follow me but also i'm not sorry because sometimes being grumpy is part of being human and i'm so goddamn tired of having to perform perfection on the internet
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thawthebeez · 2 months ago
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oikage......... if you carry the one and factor out a four... are a manifestation of the thin line between admiration and jealousy .... i've solved it....🚬
#how there are things they both admire and are jealous of in one another#and how jealousy manifests more in tooru than it does in tobio#and how that shapes how they act towards one another and talk about each other#how tooru sees himself above tobio in social settings but inferior when he's alone due to jealousy#and how tobio sees tooru as an equal* in social settings but above when he's alone. silent admiration#*although the term 'equal' isn't entirely correct. a challenge he can rise to is more accurate#reaching the level of reliability that tooru has is a goal of tobio's. and an achievable one#tooru- however- wants tobio's natural talent. which isn't achievable.#meaning tobio can have admiration for tooru seeing as the thing he's jealous of is an achievable goal#whereas tooru is left with jealousy because the part of tobio he wants is not achievable and therefore he cannot admire him#at least not in the same way tobio can admire tooru#CHAT DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE🗣️#god it has taken me so long to figure these two out and i cannot comprehend why#every relationship in haikyuu (everyTHING in haikyuu actually) has a general theme#matches (shiratorizawa v karasuno being a battle of concepts)#relationships (kuroo and kenma being the types of people who push each other and grow together in the discomfort of trying new things)#like. everything has a concept.#kageyama and hinata and their soulmateism and how someone will always match ur freak is just self explanatory#but oikawa and kageyama. despite being a relationship dynamic that intrigues me. their concept has been a mystery to me until now#god i feel like a university professor. spending this much time studying one piece of media for like 9 years#that's right i've got a ​phd in volleyball series with homoerotic undertones😎#call me dr. beez from now on#my dissertation was on kageyama and hinata's relationship and how it's fucking awesome REAL NOT FAKE#anywho. gonna go listen to lacy by olivia rodrigo and Cry ^_^#olivia rodrigo fans i'm so sorry this is in your tag now IGNORE ME IGNORE ME#volleyball guys
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daz4i · 1 year ago
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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp
i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand
many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you
also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)
#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them#if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person#you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect#and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops#i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck#seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate#if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted#if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use#'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way#a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels#so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process#you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them#but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you#anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol#(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really#i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.
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trans-leek-cookie · 6 months ago
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I just saw your tags on the unreliable narrator post and I really want to know what character you’re talking about now
Geto Suguru from JJK. I came for the hot Asian guy with long hair and a cool outfit stayed bc I'm interested in how cults and eugenics hurt ppl irl and also how they're explored in fiction. But between heaven and earth I alone am trying to find a fic that actually treats him being a cult leader as the problem it is and also gets fucking Nanako and Mimiko out of their. Uhhh fuck idk if u know JJK so spoilery ranting under the read more that assumes familiarity (so not like. Explaining specific plot shit bc my brain will explode)
so basically ppl have called out the eugenics shit with like "kill everyone who isn't a sorcerer" and generally they're like yeah that sucks but whatever not important lol. And I've seen like 0 shit actually about how he's a cult leader + how cults are Abusive. And some ppl are like "actually he has a point bc blah blah blah" like okay. If sorcerers were a stand in/comparable to real life marginalized groups. WE DONT NEED MORE "MARGINALIZED EUGENICIST" PLOTS. But even within the story they don't seem marginalized? Like, there are Marginalized Sorcerers, but being a Sorcerer isn't something that's consistently oppressed? The closest thing is either misdirected ableism/sanism ("they see things that aren't there and are assumed to be psychotic" which is its own can of worms) or like accusations of witchcraft which... I guess that's sorcerery based on this universe but irl those were usually used either along with or as cover for other shit (racism, misogyny, land grabs, etc). So hes not necessarily marginalized on that level- tho growing up in a family without other sorcerers mightve caused problems for him that's a LOT different from systemic oppression. And, also? In a lot of cases it seems like sorcerers are relatively privileged with a lot of economic, social and maybe political power? Like the big three families are obv examples bc they're fucking Rich and control the sorcery world so. Y'know. Also it's stated at one point sorcerers receive some like exceptions to the law but aren't allowed to hurt ppl who aren't sorcerers so. Yeag
anyways going more in depth on eugenics- okay real quick terms: negative and positive eugenics. That's not in reference to the quality, "positive" doesn't mean "good" But Rather in reference to wether the action is meant to Reduce "bad genes" or Increase "good genes". And obv negative eugenics includes shit like forced sterilization and murder which I don't want to downplay, but positive eugenics is also coercive and fucked up. For example, forcing ppl to have children they don't want. Which isn't Discussed in the series, but the fact is sorcerers a SMALL minority of the population, and they're already having trouble with curses, so. Theoretically sorcerers would be coerced to have more children to bring the population numbers up. Personally I think that's Not Something Suguru Believes In (I'll get into that but main thing is his eugenics isn't an actual strategy but rather lashing out and ego) but like. There's abuse on both sides of the equation no matter what. Eugenics isn't fucking redeemable.
Now onto the cult shit. It's not super expanded on besides needing money and curses to like. Kill ppl or whatever. But my interpretation of Suguru is that he started a cult, and believes in eugenics, because his ego was damaged. Like the trauma impacted him and influenced his actions ofc bc trauma Does That but also I straight up think his ego was bruised and he wants revenge.
Like first of all, the wider context- he's a kid who is alienated from his parents and probably most of the ppl he interacted with due to his abilities, which is understandably damaging esp at a young age.
He is then scouted and labeled as a special grade- he is one of three in Japan and I believe the world, if I'm not misremembering. He is on par with Gojo Satoru (category wise) who. Literally "Gojo Satoru's birth changed the world" like that's a NUTS ego boost to get
Anyway Gojo called the two of them "the strongest" literally pairing them up and positioning them as equals so like. Whoo boy. Also special grade sorcerer is defined as "a sorcerer who could single-handedly take down a nation" which okay! Labeling children as essentially weapons of mass destruction. Normal behavior
Then Toji happens and this random fucking guy beats you up. He kills your best friend and the girl you were escorting. But he doesn't kill you- because of your cursed technique being risky to deal with, but also. Obvious subtext of "you aren't important enough to kill"
Then your friend comes back from the fucking dead. Kills the man who tried to kill him. Discovers entirely me abilities and becomes even more powerful. And you are stagnating, with a technique you fucking hate. Your entire power is the power of Other Things.
So like. Understandly, thought maybe not justifiably, your ego is fucked.
So you start creating a new dichotomy: sorcerers and everyone else. If everyone else is lesser, you still have worth because you're Better than them by virtue of existing.
And then you discover 2 children being abused for the thing you have a victim complex over (<- this is also it's own thing I'll talk about) and you murder a bunch of ppl about it (okay this is a little questionable of My Opinions maybe but I could. Not forgive but understand the mass murder bc there's a lot of shit building up and clearly if 2 young girls being badly abused in a small village that implies the majority of people were either okay with it or unwilling to try and help at all. Anyway it's still Bad but like. Understandble mental breakdown trauma kinda bad for me? Also bc most ppl irl recognize murder as being Bad but are Weirdly Forgiving of bigotry yknow)
Anyway you take over the cult that was doing some other shit and my personal interpretation of this is also an ego thing. Bc lots of cult leaders do it for the money, but a lot of them also do it bc they like the feeling of controlling ppl. And there's essentially 2 levels of the cult- everyday people and the people he considers Family (which includes Mimiko and Nanako, the 2 children from the paragraph above).
On the "everyday people" level, there's a feeling of being a revered religious leader, knowing something they don't (curses exist), and the satisfaction of taking advantage of the people you don't like.
On the Family level, you position yourself as a savior and as The Only One Brave Enough To Do What Must Be Done (eugenics genocide) so even if you aren't the strongest you're still Special.
So that's my main analysis of why he became a cult leader, and now I'm gonna make more comments about why I think his shit is "Ego" rather than a (fucked up) desire to actually help ppl
If you wanted to help sorcerers survive: THE CLANS ARE A MASSIVE FUCKING PROBLEM. They hoard techniques tools and knowledge and the Zen'in clan literally cast out Toji who could've been a fuckin BEAST at dealing with curses. The clans reliance of tradition also generally hinders sorcerers ability to grow and improve in ways that aren't Traditional
When he dies the cult falls apart (which: good) but also the members have different ideals like some of them wanna keep doing eugenics, some of them just wanted Suguru to be powerful, and two of them were basically his adopted kids. If you actually had good intentions: CREATE A PLAN FOR WHEN YOU DIE SO YOUR FOLLOWERS CAN ACTUALLY CARRY OUT YOUR WILL AND HELP PEOPLE INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM INFIGHT
And idk if this is totally Ego or starting to move into a separate thing so I just decided to split it up: even when he was "righteous" his beliefs kinda Sucked
Like "the strong must protect the weak". There are inherent sort of... values being placed there, because weak is negative, not neutral. It's relatively minor, but I think it's important to note with how his beliefs evolve.
It's not like "we need to protect the people who can't protect themselves" it's really reductive. There's weak people and strong people and basically Noblisse Oblige but for strength or whatever which isn't really actual kindness or equality but rather pretty much. Pity.
Also he sorts jujutsu sorcerers into "strong" and everyone else into "weak" for the most part so that's... great worldview my guy. Definitely not going to just worsen your alienation from other ppl
so when he goes to "why should the strong protect the weak?" He jumps to "the strong don't owe anything to the weak, and actually the weak should be Punished For Being Weak" instead of. Just doing something else. Just get a fucking job, my guy
Anyway his plan is just garbage top to bottom total mess morally and logistically and he's a traumatized teen who grew into an abuser and like. The trauma influenced that but there were always fucking problems so it isn't "oh he got hurt and is evil :(" it's "he has some worrying beliefs and his trauma is likely making his emotions and ability to reason unstable, and then he finds an excuse to turn that instability into Violence" like. He's not necessarily abusive bc he's mentally ill or traumatized marginalized he's abusive bc he got to a point in his life where he could justify it to himself and it felt Good
And I just remembered this part: for the characters who interact with him I do enjoy that they still like and love him, even though he fucking sucks, because that's very human. You'll love imperfect people, you'll love horrible ppl who hurt you and/or others, and that isn't irredeemable it's just Human because being a Human and Connecting With Humans is complicated like that
I even like it when they excuse his bad behavior! Bc that's a realistic character flaw, to value the person u consider your friend over the people they hurt! It's not ethical, but it's natural and interesting to explore in fiction.
THE PROBLEM. IS WHEN THE AUTHORS DO NOT TREAT OR ACKNOWLEDGE IT AS A PROBLEM.
Like... listen. Love a relationship where one character sucks and the other character forgives them for the ppl they hurt and just wants their loved one back. The problem is when the writers are like "aww this is so sweet/romantic/beautiful" WHATEVER. Because it's not??
Someone defending their fucking abusive partner/friend/family member, especially when they aren't victims themselves, isn't fucking sweet it's scary, either for them or others!!!! And I want either to see the characters grapple with the way they excuse their loved ones' abuses and how that reflects on them and their morals, or, if the characters don't do that, for the author to acknowledge it as A Flaw!!!! I'd that too much to fucking ask
Especially with cult abuse, I don't want to say it's necessarily treated worse than any other type of abuse, but it feels really hard to find things related to fictional cults that actually acknowledge the Real Life Damage and Abuse cults do instead of having the cult be 1. Faceless evil 2. A joke 3. Fetishized/romanticized. And like all forms of abuse are similarly distorted in media + fiction, but I feel like ive almost never seen cult abuse portrayed respectfully/accurately, especially in fan works
Anyways for the wild TL;DR I think Geto Suguru's personality is comparable to an anti-sjw trans guy who is getting scarily close to Actual Fascist beliefs and is hurting all the people around him and his ex mutuals are like "he's not that bad" when he is That Bad and I'm so fucking mad about what happened to Nanako and Mimiko. If I think about their canon treatment I get so upset I start to have a headache
#Ask to tag#JJK#Cult mention#Abuse mention#Eugenics mention#I wrote mention bc I feel like it's more accurate to a discussion of fictional depictions? I can change that if necessary#Sorry if you don't know about JJK anon I'm fucking obsessed w this guy. I was like ''i want to see his pussy'' and now I'm relistening to a#Podcast discussing cults bc he reignited my dormant special interest. I'm in hell#When (one of) ur favorite character(s) is an objectively awful person in ways that are genuinely fascinating to explore but#The only time they are treated as an Awful Person in fanfic is fucking abuse fetishism. I'm going to start killing the hostages#Anyways I think it's fun to interpret him as a trans man not as like ''haha I support trans wrongs!'' but rather#''theres some interesting narrative + character ideas if u consider this character being gendered femininely but rejecting that#And also it's a good reminder than trans men + ppl assigned female at birth in general can be as toxic dangerous and abusive as#People who were assigned male at birth esp bc they're rarely acknowledged as being capable of the same violence#(which essentially is largely a mixture of bioessentialism and often transmisogyny since trans women r over represented as dangerous)''#And I just. Sometimes you gotta remind ppl that just bc someone was assigned female at birth that doesn't mean they're always going to be a#Victim and never an abuser y'know? Because fanfic writers sure seem to have trouble internalizing that!!!!#And also Togata from fire punch ignited a deep need for trans men who just fucking suck. I need them for my health. I also need to attack#Said trans men for my mental health.#Anyway sorry about the probably disorganized rant I have memory issues. ❤️ I love Suguru and also he should be dug up and shot bc I hate hi
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deadstarsrisingsblog · 1 year ago
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Last line challenge
Rules: in a new post, show the last line you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or however many you like).
Thank you for the tag @blackkatmagic :D
“Taun We, show our guest to his quarters,” he continues, smoothing the fabric of his tunic with an absent hand. This time, when his eyes flit to the clones, there is no threat in his gaze. Only bland satisfaction. 
Surprise, I'm working on the next chapter of Tripping Forward again @alamogirl80 >:)
No pressure tags: @foreverchangingfandomsao3 @cacodaemonia @alamogirl80
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nerdyfangirlingbooks · 7 months ago
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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just-nebularomantic-things · 10 months ago
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Nebularomantic culture is not feeling like you belong.
You don’t want to be grouped in with the allos because you have your own unique experience and love embracing your identity, but you also don’t feel like you’re “aro enough” because of the fact that your identity causes you to love more rather than love less… doesn’t help how heated things can get in the aspec community and even just watching from the sidelines makes you anxious..
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dootznbootz · 1 year ago
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There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.
"You're not thinking of the ___!"
"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."
#I really really hate it. It angers me in such a specific way that just skldjf ksdl#...#vent below. idk. I'm really sorry#Mad rambles#Terfs will be like “oh think of survivors! 'MEN' can share women's spaces!” like shut the actual fuck up. SHUT UP. Shut your damn mouth#A terf is so much more dangerous than a trans person. Me. a tiny cis woman is so much more dangerous to a terf than a transperson is.#Because I will obliterate you. How dare you say you speak on MY behalf? As if I don't know what I'm fucking talking about.#as if you're “protecting me” by spewing such bullshit? by treating someone as a danger when they're not?!#Especially when they believe it's a fucking TRUMP CARD. Like mentioning it means they're right!!! when obviously they're not!!!#Or when they think the fact that I'm cis will make me agree with them! I'm cis simply because I am. I'm not better or worse because of it#being cis doesn't mean I'm fine with bullshit though!#I really hate feeling almost as if like...idk I'm “known” for talking about this but it's just so so infuriating. people will act like they#know when they don't. Obviously every experience is different and terfs who are survivors I hope you find peace and my heart goes out to yo#but you also need to get your fucking head outta your ass. Saying such things isn't the way to heal and you're hurting others with it.#It's NOT about hating men or trans people! the “men are always violent/women are always victims” mentality needs to fuck off#as if it's just the script of life and that it's inescapable no matter what. that it's the truth even if circumstances say otherwise.#...I'm going to possibly block the epic tag for a bit. I have the name of the saga blocked but like... It's just genuinely upsetting.#my story got picked apart too on how it wasn't actually that bad. that I'm actually the fucking worst. “Men are just like that sweetie”#BULLSHIT!!! Gender doesn't dictate a person's morals. Being good and kind does. It doesn't matter what form that takes!#not even saying HE'S good and kind as he's horrible and wonderful at the same time but about this stuff? Do what you want but#I DO think you're insane if you see it as otherwise and it makes me wanna lock my door. You're not a bad person probably but also 🙃#I get that there's history but there's also the fucking TEXT.#I don't know. I'm really sorry#tw trauma#tw sa mention#I'm not necessarily against reblogging this (I don't care) but don't post with tags. please
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moinsbienquekaworu · 2 years ago
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It's 2pm, my city's pride parade starts at 2pm in a part of town that's like 20 minutes away in public transportation, my best friend said we would go together but they made other plans for this afternoon so I'm going alone, and it's raining. Do I even bother.
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forever-nerdsrope · 2 months ago
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yearning to be in a relationship again fuckkkk can't do this
#i dont miss him. but i do miss those days.#enjoying eachothers presence is silence. the physical touch. knowing someone so intimately you can silently communicate#this doesn't need to just be attatched to romantic of course. platonic soulmates and all that#but i feel like all my bonds are destroyed. crumbled all the way to the source. i don't know if i can make those bonds again#so i pretend i could. i see these creators and believe that i could create those bonds with them. i become someone that'd be in their spher#but i also see the reality that. if i was in their sphere it'd take the same work i'd need to create bonds now.#and the source is rotten. the source can't create bonds. so i'm stuck to float and yearn.#stuck getting high to let my imagination run wild without the nagging. without reality setting in.#and i'm not even getting high cause i got no weed </3 and it's 2am I can't order any. and it's 20$ to order#So I'll stew here and go stockpile weed tomorrow. knowing i'm feeding into my addiction.#But maybe once I'm able to start working more and finals are over I'll be able to cut back.#Maybe When I feel I can connect with people again I'll cut back. I won't be here forever#temporary setback. that's alright. I'll figure it out eventually. Big man did after all. So can I#haha projection go hard. Sorry I try not to. That's a lie but idk.#The reality is we make jokes from some sort of reality#The reality is everyone is struggling and fucked up and cope in different ways.#And no matter how many layers of personas you put up there will always be a thread of truth.#Or maybe I'm fucking insane and projecting. Who knows. I wouldn't I don't know him.#But psychology and data extrapolation is my passion <3#God the ADHD is strong with the connection of thought process in this one. I always laugh looking at my tags#Whatever we live and vibe yahooo#I'm okay I'm just in a yapping contemplative mood lol
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