#i feel like december went by so slow at the beginning and then the second half sped by… time is weird as hell | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wiypt-writes · 2 years ago

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Consciousness Of Guilt Ch 24

Summary: It’s the countdown to Christmas, and you and Andy have a very excited almost 3 year old…and a pain in the ass Elf to contend with.

Warnings: Language, adult themes, Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer. I do not consent to my work being translated or posted elsewhere. If you see this fiction on any site other than Tumblr it has been taken without permission.

W/C: 7.3k

A/N: Thanks to my beta @spectre-posts

Consciousness Of Guilt Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 23

According to Ferris Bueller, “life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Well, you certainly could relate.

Within what felt like such a short amount of time; Lucy was growing, life was rapidly changing and there was no slowing down. You had gone back to work and while that was an adjustment in and of itself, you enjoyed the opportunity to work from home as well when necessary. Lucy was attending a daycare in the lobby of the building, and it gave you (and Andy) a chance to check in on her. Although you weren’t sure it were a good idea in the beginning as you knew Andy was down there “watching” or “checking in” far more than you were. Ron even would joke that if one couldn’t find Andrew Barber in his office then his calls should be

“forwarded to the nursery in the lobby.”

And speaking of Ron, the end of the year was fast approaching and so was his retirement. The founding partner had given the news to yourself, Andy and the board with their spouses present at a dinner party they’d hosted at autumn’s start. He had declared that he would be stepping down at the end of February the following year. That meant many changes were coming including adding much more to Andy’s desk. Because, with Ron’s announcement, came another vote to seat Andy as the second head of the firm.

Simply put, it was as if you and Andy had merely blinked, and here you were. Your baby girl now almost three, and another year about to draw to a close.

You woke and stretched, leaning over to give Andy a quick peck on the cheek good morning. He stirred, and smiled, his arm moving to slip round your back.

“Morning, Angel.”

“Good morning, BB.” You smiled as your lips brushed his. “Happy first of December.”

Andy snorted, “whoopee…” You playfully slapped his chest and he laughed. “Seriously, what’s to get excited about? You’ve already put the tree up…it went up the day before Thanksgiving.”

You knew he was only half-serious. Whilst he’d grumbled it was far too early, when he’d seen how excited his little girl at the boxes of decorations, he’d got stuck right in to help.

“Listen, Mr Grinch…have you forgotten what’s waiting downstairs?”

At that, Andy grinned. This was the first year that Lucy had really appreciated and understood what Christmas was and her excitement was infectious.

“I can’t wait for her to see it.”

The two of you laid quietly talking for a few minutes, until Andy’s alarm obnoxiously signaled it was time to get up.

"Hit snooze," you suggested.

Andy sighed, “I’d love to, but I have a lot of prep today.”

You groaned, "alright. I'm working from home today. I'll keep Looby with me."

Andy groaned as he stretched. “I know it’s only a DUI and possession but whilst he’s pleading guilty for the DUI, on the rest he claims he’s been stitched up…”

You rolled to your side, facing his side of the bed, "well, I know it's been tough so far, but I’m sure it's going to work out."

“It feels like an awful amount of prep for something so minor, but there’s huge implications here that go behind the verdict.”

“Like…”

“Bent cops.” Andy wrinkled his nose.

“Oh…”

“Yeah,” Andy shrugged a little, before his arm which lay under your neck threaded into the hair at the back of your head. “Busy couple of weeks before the holidays.”

You nodded and leaned up for a kiss. "You best get up, or I'll kidnap you."

“Isn’t kidnapping when it’s done against your…” he trailed off, the joke dying on his lips. “Fahk, Angel…that was…”

Your eyes grew soft, "Hey....," you cupped his face, "Andy no, it's okay. I'm okay."

He took a deep breath and accepted the soft kiss you gave him. “I know, I still don’t like the…the jokes, you know?”

Before you could reply, a little voice called out echoing down the landing and through the monitor on the bedside table.

“Daddy! Mommy! Isss awakes!”

“Well, that's a new record," you snorted. "That’s your fault for reminding her last night she’s got her advent calendars to open.”

"Me? I did no such thing, that was Penny sending that fahkin' ugly bright box of which, no doubt, is full of shit prizes and candy."

“Oh hush!” You giggled, “you know full well she’s more excited about that glittery card dinosaur one you managed to find!”

Andy chuckled as you moved so he could climb out of bed, his bare torso flexing a little as he headed out of the room, Grant following. He opened the baby gate into Lucy’s room to find her sat up, the early light from the sunrise illuminating her slightly.

“Good morning Looby-Saurus.” He beamed.

“Hi Daddy Wex!” She giggled as Grant hopped up onto her toddler bed and stuck his nose into her face. “Gwant!”

“Stupid dog…” Andy grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Daddy nos calls Gwant!” Lucy admonished as she stared up at him and Andy couldn’t help but snort at the expression she wore, so like you.

“Okay, okay.” He grinned and swooped her up in his big arms. She still sometimes looked so small in them to him, his precious girl. "Do you want to come snuggle Mommy so I can get ready for work?"

“Yup yup yups!” She hugged him round his neck and then she gasped. “Oh…iss a-vent day?”

He groans a little, "yep, it's advent day."

She squealed. “We goes?”

"Yes, but after I get dressed for work."

“Otay…”

"I'll be quick, promise." He kissed her cheek as he walked them into his room.

“Mommy!” Looby grinned as she saw you sat up in the large bed.

"Good morning, Looby Loo!"

“Iss assvent!”

"I know! Are you excited?"

In the corner of your eye, you saw Andy trying not to laugh at the unfortunate mispronunciation of the word.

“I so esscited!”

Andy headed into the bathroom, and you smiled at Lucy.

"I tell you what. Let’s go grab your robe and your slippers, make sure you’re warm when we go down, yeah?”

"Does it snows wast night?"

“I think so.” You grinned, “shall we see?”

"Outs dare?" She pointed to the French doors on your balcony.

"Yep, go see!"

She hopped down from your bed and ran to the long curtains, pulling them apart as she pushed her face through. “Mommy! More snows!”

"Oh my! Well, we'll just have to go out in it, won't we?" You laugh. “Make a snowman!”

“Wike Olaf!” Looby grinned as you climbed out of bed and grabbed Andy’s sweater from the vanity chair.

"Yes!" You pulled it on over your sleep cami.

That was when Andy threw open the bathroom door and rushed out in only a towel. "Sorry, two minutes." he quickly said and grabbed his underwear and undershirt, running back in.

“Daddy siwwy.”

"Yes, he is!" You carried her back to her room to get her robe and slippers. Andy met you two in the hall, his tie hanging around his neck and his jacket fisted in his hand. The smell of his shower gel, aftershave and the linger of toothpaste was a particularly heady mix that morning.

"Okay, let's get your advent!” He swooped up Lucy as she grinned and clapped.

You followed and smiled at Andy as you opened the door to the huge open plan loving area of your old farmhouse. Andy set your daughter down and she immediately squealed.

“Oh. Wow!” You gasped as Andy took a dramatic inhale, “what on Earth…”

"Wassat, Wassat?!"

“It looks…it looks like an elf!” Andy grinned as Lucy ran to the little elf doll on the sofa. The Elf was sat holding a balloon.

"Das 'L' for Lucy!" She bounced on the spot, pointing at the balloon.

“You’re right.” Andy nodded. “That’s what it says. Hi, Lucy!”

Jumping up and down with pure glee, she took the sign and handed it to you.

You gasped, "Bunny, I think it's... It's a note, look!

“Issat?” Her eyes widened.

"Hang on, I need to make sure it's real...." Andy took the note from you and squinted as he inspected the teeny writing on the page. “Miss Lucy Jo Barber, Sheephill Cottage!” He read with an astonished tone. “It is real!”

"Reads it, Dadd-wex, peas!"

“Okay…” Andy took a deep breath and opened the letter. “Hi Lucy! I’m your special elf! I’m new, from the North Pole, and Santa sent me to your home especially so we can play together!” He paused as Lucy gasped.

You could help the grin that matched your daughter's as Andy read. This was definitely going to be the best part of the season.

“Like all new elves, I don’t have a name. So, the first thing we can do together is pick one. Anything you want, as long as it isn’t a rude word like…” Andy gasped and playfully looked at Lucy, “like fart or butt…”

She giggled and covered her grin with her small hands.

“You can play with me all day, but at night you have to leave me under the tree so that I can report back to Santa through the special Red bauble…”

"I can do it, I can do it!"

“I can’t wait to play and have lots of adventures. With love, from your Elf!” Andy finished. “Well, how awesome is that?!”

"I so esscited! I has to name hims! Don't goes!"

Andy chuckled, “I have to get to work soon, Bunny but…okay, a couple of minutes.”

"Think really hard, Lucy... A name is special." You encouraged.

“Erms….Pickles!”

Andy snorted, “what?"

“Pickles!”

Andy was about to ask why, but his phone rang. It was Ron. "Angel... I..."

“Yeah, okay…go. See you tonight.”

"I love you," he bent and kissed you. Then he kneeled down, "I gotta go, Bunny, come gimme a kiss then you and 'Pickles' can play."

“Bye daddy!” She ran to him and kissed his bearded cheek. “I wobes you.”

"I love you, too." He stood and kissed you again before rushing out.

"So," you clapped your hands together and smirked, "what are we going to do with Pickles?"

And that was how it started.

You quickly realized the Elf couldn’t be left “under” the tree as Grant took a liking to him, and on the first night, Andy spent a good five minutes trying to retrieve him from your dog’s jaws.

Then, each and every day you had to remind yourself or Andy to move the damn elf, that fast became an annoying and obnoxious chore. But seeing Lucy’s reaction each morning was so worth it. It was in the kitchen hanging off the fridge, it was in the bathroom Lucy used being naughty using the sink as a tub. It scuba dived in Grant’s water bowl, pulled all the cushions off the couch, left a trail of marshmallow footprints all over the kitchen counters….When it was Andy's turn to move it, you'd learned to double check the setup, for the first time he was in charge there was a very precarious pose your husband had put it in. So, you had to fix it. And that was how every turn Andy had went, so you had to scold him each time as you fixed it before Lucy saw.

But one Tuesday evening, a few weeks after his 46th birthday, Andy outdid himself.

You’d arranged Pickles on the coffee table with one of Lucy’s Barbie Dolls, and a few of her dinosaurs around a little table of their own along with a sign that informed everyone that this was a “tea-rex” party. You’d left to go grab a drink from the kitchen and come back to find Pickles’ head was now between Barbie’s legs and Andy was bent over the scene, giggling like a naughty schoolboy.

“Andrew!”

"What?” He spun to face you.

“You absolute child!”

“Hey, Picks has to try Barbie at least once in his life!"

“You are the…” you slapped the back of his head, causing him to yelp, “absolute worst!”

"Oh c'mahn!" He drawled in his Boston baroque as you moved to fix the toy porn scene in front of you. “I mean I'm naht a Barbie man myself, but..." he wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling your neck.

“You’re not?”

"Nope...." he kissed your skin. "I like wings."

“Smooth….”

"I have my moments," he snorted.

“Hmmm…” you moved in his arms, turning to face him.

"It's just a little fun, Angel," he smirked and kissed the tip of your nose. "You laughed, something you haven't done for a week."

You sighed. "I know, it's been busy. With both Amber and Eva already gone, and now the nursery closed for the holidays, I've been overloaded. And I'm still not feeling well."

“No?” He frowned. “I thought you said you were yesterday?”

"I just still feel tired and run down," you sighed. "Honestly, it's just the full plate but now that I'm working from home, it'll get easier. Especially with you and Ron buttoning up this case. I didn't want to say much because you're so stressed and putting in the hours."

Andy took a deep breath, “well, we have the closing arguments tomorrow so…that’s it. If no verdict by 5pm, it’s deferred until new year. I’ll be finished tomorrow evening regardless.”

"Good," your hands ran up his cotton tee covered chest and sighed. "You wanna light that fire now? We can turn the lights out and leave the tree on?"

“Mmmm get comfy, huh?” He smiled and leaned down to kiss you. “Any of that red we opened at dinner left?”

"A bit. Maybe a glass each."

“Just enough.” He smiled, “the Christmas order from the Wine club should be arriving tomorrow or the day after. I stuck a few bottles of the cheap stuff in so we can make mulled wine.”

"My favorite," you slipped from his arms and padded back toward the kitchen.

When you came back a small fire was just starting to pick up. Andy tossed on more kindling before, once satisfied it was going to take, he chucked on a log.

You passed off his glass and he took it with a soft smile, but not without kissing you gently in the glow. His free hand rest against the small of your back.

You loved the night times. Andy always made time for Lucy when he came home, playing, bathing, and reading her a story. But once she was tucked in, and it was just the two of you, he relaxed even more.

"I love you," you bumped your nose against his.

“I love you too.” He smiled, his lips brushing yours.

"What now, counselor?"

“Movie? Sit on the rug and talk?

"Rug sounds good to me,” you winked.

You both settled down, you sat between his legs, your back settled in against his chest as he leaned against the oak coffee table. One of his long legs was extended flat along the floor, the other bent at the knee.

The two of you drank your wine and talked, in the easy way you’d always been able to. Andy’s hands would rub up and down your forearms and sometimes his lips would kiss your neck. Your hands would move up and down the top part of his shin or fingers would draw lines and swirls over his thigh.

It was peaceful, intimate, and in the comfortable moments of silence, the crackle of the fire filled the room making it feel even more homely and cozy.

As the flames started to die down, you checked your watch.

"It's late, Andy," you spoke with a softness almost as if any louder you might disturb the silent night. "You don't want to be late in the morning."

“Ten more minutes.” He whispered, his lips kissing the back of your shoulder.

"Alright," you sighed in appreciation.

His lips didn’t move far from your skin. His beard tickled you as it gently rubbed against the crook of your shoulder.

You reached back to curl your hand around his neck. Your fingers ran down the length of his neck.

He hummed in appreciation, as his lips found the hinge of your jaw. You responded the same. But you leaned your body into him more as your fingers scratched at the shorter hairs along the back of his head and a hand pressed further into his thigh.

As he nuzzled into you, one hand moved, splaying across your belly as the other arm wrapped across your chest. Your hum turned into breathy grunt and sigh.

The hand that was splayed on your belly slid further down, fingers softly brushing the inside of your right thigh through your sleep pants. The other softly traced the swell of your breast. A gentle moan left your throat at the feel of his hands on you like that. Your body easily responding to your husband’s touch with a delicate yet elevated sensitivity.

Andy sighed, his lips now at your chin as his fingers danced over your nipple, which was peaked through the soft material of your sleep shirt. “Oh, Angel…so responsive for me…”

You whimpered at his voice and touch, "Mmm, yeah.” You tilted your hips back against him. His lips met yours as you felt the hand on your thigh slipping beneath the waistband of your pants.

You gasped into his mouth, the tickle of his fingers passing your mound was pleasurable. Your own fingers curled into his hair. His mouth hovered over yours, his eyes twinkling as he slowly circled your clit with his fingers, the other hand now slipping into the neckline of your top.

The twist of your body against his chest gave you a better angle to feel his hot breath against your lips. Your hips tilted forward just a pinch to practically fall into that finger circling you. You jutted your chin just a fraction outward to capture a kiss as his hand now cupped your breast.

He gave a squeeze and his thumb rubbed over your nipple now with the pad of his thumb against your skin. It was slow, delicate, like a strum to a guitar string.

"Mmm," you hummed against his lips.

“Good?” His voice was a grunt as his tipped his hips forward, his hardness pressing into the dip of your back.

"Yeah," you whispered. "S'good...."

“Can I fuck you like this?” he rasped.

Your belly knotted as your chest fluttered, "ah, fuck, yes...."

You didn’t wait, your hands moved, and you pulled off your top and then tipped your head back round to Andy.

“Lose yours.”

His hand came away from your sleep pants, your clit missing his touch, as he took that very hand to single handedly pull that collar of his sleep shirt over his head.

You moved as he did so, slipping your sleep pants down and you heard Andy groan a little behind you.

"Good?" You smirked.

He chuckled as you felt him shuffle, hands on your hips as you knelt up. He eased you back over him, one hand letting go to grip at his dick. As you moved yourself backwards, you felt his head brushing through your folds, and you moaned.

“That feels good…”

Andy sighed pleasurably as you rocked over his cock. His head tickled your clit and a delightful whimper sounded from your lips at the feel. His hands remained at your hips, not pushing, or pulling, simply resting as you dictated your speed.

It all felt so good. His hands on you, your hands bracing yourself at his thighs as you rubbed along his shaft. You felt a stir inside and changed tactic, wanting him inside you.

You stopped and shifted backwards, Andy immediately obliging. His tip slipped in with ease and you slowly sank down on him. The remnants of the burning embers and fire, now near gone, still warmed you and the Christmas lights around you casted a romantic glow across your bodies.

You leaned back against his chest as he tipped his hips upwards, both of you sighing as he filled you.

After a minute, your hips rolled as you snaked that hand and arm back and up around his neck and nape. His lips nipped at your shoulder, hands sliding up your rib cage until they cupped both of your breasts.

"Yes," you hissed. You splayed your fingers over the back of his head as the heel of your hand cradled the base.

His hips were slow, thrusts deep as his palms squeezed your mounds before his fingers pinched your nipples.

"Fuck, Andy," you squirmed.

His hands continued, teasing you as his rolls were measured. His lips brushed up your neck.

Your skin felt like it was on fire and not from the dying flames, but from Andy's touch and his deep thrusts. He filled your still tight insides with a stretch you'd grown accustomed to, desired most days and begged for at times. The way his soft hands were gentle always at first but demanding when begged for.

“Feel so good, Angel.”

"Yeah, it does," you replied with a whine. "Jesus, Andy, it's real good."

His fingers continued their massaging and plucking, your nipples so sensitive as his rolls and thrusts picked up pace ever so slightly.

Your delicate walls began to flutter against his shaft as it rubbed along your ridges. The hooded edge of his tip kissed your spongy surface as the slow drag of his thrusts slipped through you.

He kept that same, steady pace to the end, and you came with a soft whimper as his teeth nipped your shoulder.

Your weight settled with a welcome slouch against his lap as you became pliant to his touch. Your orgasm had your whole body tingling and every sense was intensified. You could feel the fibers of his hair on his thighs, the grooves of his teeth on your skin. Even the prints of his fingers and thumbs felt like imprints on your nipple and breasts.

“Oh, baby…” he cooed, “there we go…”

"Fuck, Andy...."

Andy could feel you, squeezing him as you trembled in his lap.

"Jesus, Angel...."

You could only whimper as your body kept going. It was as if a shorter, weaker, second orgasm was trickling through. An aftershock of sorts.

You were that caught up, you didn’t feel Andy as he came, but you heard his little grunt in your ear.

The room was silent bar your heavy breaths mixing with his. There was a peppering sound of soft kisses, but it were only for your ears.

"That was good, Angel."

“Mmmm.”

He lightly chuckled with a rasp to his voice but made no attempt to move you, and the two of you remained there for a bit longer.

****

Neither of you wanted to get up the next morning, but Andy knew the end was in sight. He was up, showered, downstairs and waiting with coffee before you and Lucy appeared.

He could hear the two of you in her room, giggling in excitement at what Pickles could have been up to overnight. He smirked with a flick of his brows knowing damn well what the little shit had been up to.

Soon after, the door opened and Looby ran into the room and squealed, “looks!”

"Oh my, he's had a party with your other friends!" You grinned and your eyes moved over to Andy.

He smirked at you over his mug. “Yeah, said friends look really happy. Bet Barbie had a great time last night.

You blushed, "Angel did."

He said nothing, merely arched a brow and you knew he was smug as fuck.

Breakfast was the usual affair and at 8:15 you kissed him goodbye so he could make the half hour drive to Denver.

As he went through security, he placed his case in the conveyor belt and walked through the scanner. As Andy replaced his belt and watch, stuck his phone back in his pocket, the guy at the X-ray machine peered carefully at the screen before he chuckled to himself and looked Andy.

“Merry Christmas, Mr Barber.”

"Merry Christmas, Jack," he smirked. "Have a good one."

He grabbed his case and jacket and headed through. A few moments later he entered the courtroom as spectators did but slipped through the bailiff to sit at the Defense table. He placed his case down on the desk in front of his seat, an empty one to the left where his client would sit and turned to Ron as he clicked the clasps on his case open.

“Good evening?” Ron smiled.

"Great evening,"

“Dare I ask?” Ron snorted.

Andy just smugly grinned, "Nope."

Ron chuckled as Andy opened the case and stopped dead.

“What the…” his boisterous laugh filled the room as those around took a glare at him.

“I don’t…how the hell…” he chuckled as he turned his open case to Ron. There, on top of his files, led Pickles.

Now, it was Ron's turn to join in on the laughter.

“Is that the famous Pickles?” He reached for the elf.

"That it is," Andy shook his head.

Ron grinned as he sat the Elf doll on the edge of the desk.

“Shit, Ron! You can’t…” but Andy’s attention was jerked away as the Bailiff called for order and their client was led in.

"All rise...." the spiel went on and as the judge sat down then told everyone to do the same, his eyes shot up at the defendants side.

"Barber, what the hell is that?"

Ron snorted as clearly Andy was head seat and was taking the ticking off from His Honor.

“Erm…I…”

“A new witness.” Ron quipped.

“No, I…it’s… Ron!” Andy hissed.

“It’s a little unbecoming to try and enter a new witness at such a late stage,” the Judge’s mouth twitched a little. Various titters rang round the court room.

“I’m sorry, your Honor. My daughter…she must have snuck it into my bag…” Andy grabbed the doll and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I can only apologize.”

"I'm a grandfather to twelve Barber, I get it. They’ve all had these damned Elf On A Shelf things each year for ages. But the merry little shits are annoying as hell, so put...."

"Pickles, Your Honor..." Ron interjected to more laughter.

"Pickles," the judge snorted, "back in the case until recess, huh?"

“Yes, sir…it’ll stay in there, believe me.” Andy tossed the doll into his case and closed it with a snap. “More than my life is worth to lose him.”

He glared at Ron as he sat back down, the soon retiring senior partner grinning like a fool back at him.

Thankfully, the rest of the proceedings went according to plan. The summing up was completed and then before lunch the jury were sent to consider their verdict. To Andy’s surprise, they were called by the clerk less than three hours later as the verdict was in.

Andy bit his lip and exhaled with relief as the verdict came back not guilty. The Judge nodded, and then following the sentencing for the DUI and a final consultation with their client, Andy and Ron left the courthouse. As they were leaving, the DA pulled them both to one side, informing them that she would be sanctioning an investigation into the allegations of corruption.

After Andy promised the firm would help in any way they could, they headed out into the cold air, buoyed by both the result and the fact it was now officially over in time for Christmas.

“Well,” Ron turned to Andy as he paused at his Mercedes, “not a bad one to bow out on.” He smirked as he opened his car door. “Maybe you should thank the elf…”

"You know, you're still my boss, or I'd say fahk you," he snorted.

“Only for another 2 months.” Ron grinned, “hit me with your worst!”

"Man, just 2 months left. I can’t believe you’re bowing out, you bastard!" Andy chuckled.

"Oh yes, yes I am," Ron touted. "I've put in my time. I'm seventy, and I’m done."

Andy had the door open to his Audi coupe, "I'm heading back for a few hours before going home.”

“What? Why? Fuck that! It’s back past your house to go to the office and you’ve done enough. We tied everything up, so go home. That’s an order, and as I’m still your boss…”

“Fahking fahk you!” Andy snorted, as Ron shot him a look. “Okay, okay, I’ll go home!”

“Good! I’ll check.”

“Don’t I know it. Hey, are you and Giselle coming by for dinner still?"

“Absolutely, be with you at seven-ish. Unfortunately, I’m driving as the boys, wives, and grandkids land early tomorrow morning so…”

“Yeah, you mentioned. Don’t worry, Y/N’s made mulled cider, not wine. Coupla beers if you fancy. Lucy will no doubt have us up at the crack of dawn, so we won’t have much either. Save it for tomorrow.”

“Speaking of my little pal, will she still be up tonight when we arrive or…”

“Well, she goes down around seven but she’s not in nursery, sure we can let her stay up a little longer. You never know, she may lay in tomorrow, I can pray for a Christmas miracle.” Andy winked.

"Good," Ron winked, "I'd hate to miss spoiling my God daughter on Christmas Eve Eve!" Ron chuckled and slipped into his Mercedes. He rolled down the window and shouted over the loud dual muffler. "See you at seven!"

With a smirk, Andy climbed into his car and pulled out of the lot, dialing his secretary’s number just to check in. By the time he was home, he was satisfied all his loose ends for the years were tied up and he was absolutely ready for the ten or so days break he would get.

The moment he stepped inside the house, he could smell the spirit of Christmas. Clearly, you'd been busy. And the motley crew of decorated cookies who seen better days proved so as they sat on the counter.

“Daddy!”

"Looby-saurus!" Andy kneeled down and dropped his case and jacket to his feet as he caught her little body.

“We medz cookies!” She grinned as she wrapped her little arms round his neck.

"I can see that! Did you decorate them?" He picked one up and offered her a bite before taking one himself.

“Yups!” She nodded. “Mama says Uncle Won and Aunti Zel will wike dem!”

"Oh, I bet they will, they're gonna be here later," he kissed her cheek. Then he turned to his right and kissed you tenderly.

"How'd it go?" Your hands pressed into his chest.

"Standard sentence for the DUI: fine and costs plus community service and a driving ban, no custodial or probation. But we expected that as it’s his first offense. Main thing is, not guilty for the possession," he said softly with a smile. “Which means we just ripped open an IA on the department.”

"Well, congrats BB, it all worked out. And judging by the early arrival, you're home for good now?"

“Yup.” He grinned and jiggled Lucy a little. “I’m done now until the 6th of January!”

You grinned, "Did you hear that, Lucy? Daddy-Rex is home for a lot of days!"

“Yay!” She cheered.

“So,” Andy set Lucy on the kitchen counter, “what else did my girls do today?”

"We cleaned up, made our cookies, had a Snowball fight!" You smiled.

"I gots Gwant. Den, he pushed me."

“He pushed you?” Andy gasped, as he reached to unwrap his scarf, “well that’s just put him right on Santas naughty list!”

"Das what I says!" Lucy opened her hands up like she was saying 'I don't know.'

"Lucy, hop down and go wash so you can help me, okay?" You offered.

Andy gently dropped her to her feet, and she ran off with excitement towards the bathroom by the laundry room.

He took off his coat, dropped it over the back of one of the tall stools which sat under the breakfast counter and loosened his tie.

He snorted as he lifted his case to set it in the same stool, remembering what was inside, "the fahkin' elf."

"What was that?" You looked up at him.

Andy moved his case to the counter and looked at you, “open it…”

You dried your hands from your work and walked around to the stool. You clicked the locks on the top and opened the case. Then, you sputtered a loud snort that turned into a chuckle. "How...I swear I did NOT do that!"

“Well, if it wasn’t you, it was either that spotty little Asshole or Lucy.”

Knowing full well it wasn't Grant, you simply smirked and titled your chin as your eyes humorously looked at your husband.

“Ron sat the damned thing on the desk, in court. Then told the judge it was a new witness.”

Your jaw dropped as you tried to cover it, "oh no...." you started chuckling again.

“Thankfully, the judge saw the funny side.” Andy snorted.

"I'd hope! It's Callahan, right? Guy's got a crap load of kids and grandkids." You remembered the judge from Andy having had a trial previously with him.

“That’s the one.” He nodded, then spun round as Lucy came back into the room.

"Looby…." you smirked, "where's Pickles? He was here this morning..."

“Erms…” instantly she adopted the same guilty expression Andy wore when he’d been caught out and Andy grinned.

“Pickles has been in court!”

"I knows!" She giggled and put her chubby little hands over her grinning face. "He goes!"

“Did you put him in my briefcase?” Andy gasped, “I thought he climbed in!”

"I halps!"

“Well, he got to see the judge. Uncle Ron sat him on the table.”

“He did?” She squealed, “was you in tempt?”

Andy chuckled, "almost!"

You blinked, not quite sure how your nearly three year old knew what that was, let alone how to use it in the right context. But then again, she was bright as a button. Her vocabulary and self-awareness already streets ahead of what you’d expect of a child her age.

"Alright, Smart Bunny," you shook your head with a smirk, "I need your help with the snacks while Daddy goes and changes for Ron and Giselle."

“Otay…oh, I puts Pickles back first?”

"Yes," Andy thrust him in her direction, "He needs to think about what to tell Santa tonight about his day!"

As she took the elf, Grant sidled over, his tail wagging.

“No, Gwant!” Looby sternly told him. “Daddy, you ups so I reaches?”

“Absolutely.” Andy picked her up and crossed the dining area to the living space where the larger tree sat.

She reached and set the elf right on what Lucy had deemed the 'homes' branch next to a red bauble. Grant sat looking up, licking his lips.

"NO GWANT! Bad dog!" Lucy shook her finger at him. "No eats!"

“He can’t reach, baby.” Andy kissed her head, “don’t worry.”

You snorted as you heard, "I wouldn't trust that. He got all the way to the back of the counter this morning."

“He what?” Andy wheeled round.

"Yep," you popped your 'p'. "This," you indicated to the chicken and mushroom pasta bake waiting to go into the oven, "is the second one. Lucy and I had to go back to the market after nap." You glared at the dalmatian.

“Fur coat…” Andy grumbled.

"Today, I'd agree." You snorted.

Andy headed up with a shake of his head to change and decompress from the day before Ron and Giselle were to arrive. It felt damn good to keep the laptop closed for at least a week and ignore important emails for just as long. He hung his tie and shirt, ready for the cleaners as well as his suit pieces. He slipped into dark jeans and a thin sweater, keeping his undershirt from the day on.

You heard his boots thud along the stairs as he came back down to join you and Lucy.

The three of you prepared the rest of the snacks and the accompanying sides to the pasta bake. Lucy then had her dinner, and Andy took her upstairs for a bath and to change into her pajamas ready for the evening.

"No bed," she argued as he slipped her snowmen sleep shirt over her head.

“No, not yet. You can stay up and see Uncle Ron first. Maybe open the presents they’re bringing if mama says you can.”

"Oh... Can I seep wif Daddy Wex and Mommy?"

“I tell you what, you can go to sleep in our bed with the tv on and then I’ll move you later on, okay?”

"Otay, Gwant comes?”

“Yeah, Grant can sleep with you.”

She grinned, "Ups, peas, we goes!"

Andy chuckled, “want me to carry you or you wanna ride on my back?”

"Back!"

“Alright, robe and slippers on first.”

"'tay," she slid off her bed, feet first with her belly to the duvet.

She slipped her little feet into her Rudolph slippers that Pickles had bought one morning and then Andy held out her little dinosaur robe.

"Danks, Daddy Wex." Then Lucy gasped, "Daddy!"

"What, Bunny?"

"Oh nos! I forgot!"

Andy crouched down, "hey... Lucy what is it?"

"I fogots my assdent!"

Andy tried not to laugh, “that’s okay, we’ll open it now.”

"Okay..."

“Now…” Andy swiveled round, “hop on…”

He grunted as she did, then stood and tossed her a bit so he could settle her evenly, causing her to giggle. At the same time, he thanked whomever that she was still tiny, or he'd be fucked with his old man back.

“Lessgo Daddy-wex!”

With a roar, Andy jogged out of her room, causing her to shriek and giggle. You heard their laughs and giggles before his feet touched the stairs to come down and just as they hit the first floor, there was a knock on the door. Grant barking to make sure they were all well aware.

"Deys here! Dems here!"

“Well let’s go let them in!” Andy exclaimed back, bouncing to the door.

He opened the inside door to the porch first, Lucy still on his back and then he swung the heavy oak outside one inwards.

"Uncle Won! Auntie Zel!”

“Well, hi!” Ron beamed, as Lucy bounced on Andy’s back.

“Come on in outta the cold!” Andy chuckled, stepping back. He crouched so Lucy could slide off his back.

“Lemme get inside, pipsqueak!” Ron chuckled, “get these bags down so I can give you a hug!”

The greetings were spread between all and once the excitement died down and Lucy showed Giselle everything, she had in her advent for the fifth time, they'd settled in the living room by the fire.

“Bunny, did you open your advent for today now or did you forget again?” Andy asked.

"Aun Zelle halped! Penny gots me dis!" She held up a toy so close to his eye that he needed to lean back to see it.

“Another dinosaur!” Andy grinned.

"Issa di.... Di..."

“Diplodocus…” Andy said, pronouncing it carefully so Lucy could copy.

"Diplodikis"

“That’s it. Hi five!” Andy grinned.

Ron found the mispronunciation hilarious while and Giselle rolled your eyes.

"Alright, Looby Loo, you get to open your gifts from us, and then I heard Pickles say it was bedtime," Ron sighed.

Lucy opened her mouth to argue but a look from Andy stopped her impending protest dead.

“Remember what we agreed upstairs, bunny.” He spoke softly but firmly.

"Yes," she sighs a bit.

“Come on…it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, we got a big day!”

"What's we do?"

“Well, we got breakfast and the last Advent day, then we’re gonna take Grant for a walk by the creek, build a snowman. Then we’re gonna help Mommy get things ready, before we go to Patti’s for dinner and watch the Carol singers. Then it’s home, and we make sure Pickles is ready to go back to the North Pole with Santa!”

"Santa! I sees him near Patti's," Lucy grinned as she took an outstretched gift from her Godfather. "Fanks!"

She flopped down as she started to unwrap the first present, but then paused halfway through ripping off the first bit of paper

“How’s comes dese presents here?”

“Well, you see, Santa brings some presents, but friends and family, well they buy each other things too.” You smiled, running your hand over her head. “So, Uncle Ron and Auntie Giselle bought these for you. And in a minute, you can give them their gifts from us.”

"Oh...." she drew out.

She continued and squealed as she unwrapped her gifts, which formed a set of new art supplies, complete with a wooden box with her name on to keep them in.

"I wuv dems! Fank you!"

“You’re very welcome, honey.” Giselle caught her hug before she then ran to Ron.

“Merry Christmas, my little squish monster!” Ron hugged her tight.

After exchanging the adult gifts, Looby was ushered round to say goodnight before Andy carried her upstairs.

That gave you the chance to invite Ron and Giselle to the dining area to take their seats so you could eat.

The hour was late by the time things were consumed and cleaned up. Giselle helped you, despite Andy's protests that he and Ron should be doing it. Even Giselle told Andy to piss off as she found it to be the perfect point in time for 'the two of you to have your cigars and scotch'.

She stirred the mulled cider and inhaled the aromatic scent that made one's heart warm and fill with a delightful holiday spirit. "So, what'd you get Andy for Christmas?"

“A long weekend in Vermont, towards the end of January.” you smiled. “Ron helped me, said he’d wangle the diaries. Booked us a cabin. Lucy’s going to my parents.”

"Oh, how lovely! You two deserve a trip like that. A log cabin, big fire, skiing! Ugh, we haven't done that since Ronnie's hip replacement. Old fart seizes up as soon as it hits forty*.”

You chuckled, “you know I’ve never been skiing. Andy has, not for a while.” You smiled, “and, then from Lucy…” you grinned, “I booked them one of the experience days at the museum, you know where they do the special dinosaur days and tours?”

Giselle grinned and opened her mouth to answer you, but you suddenly felt extremely warm and a little bit funny.

"Y/N?"

“I’m fine just…it’s a little warm, that’s all.” You waved Giselle away, “been feeling off for a few days.”

"Well, here, sit," she guided you to one of your bar stools. "I'll finish these." She grabbed you a glass of water.

“Thanks…” you sat down, glancing over to where Andy and Ron were sat. Neither seemed to have noticed.

After a few sips of water, you felt better and were thankfully able to participate in the rest of the night.

But something was niggling in the back of your mind, and you couldn’t quite figure out what.

*****

Christmas Eve morning had you slowly starting the morning. And that was despite Andy's plans of a big busy day.

But no worries, it was a lazy breakfast, more brunch really, and then you set off for a walk. Andy made good on his promise, you built a snowman the three of you before heading home and warming up with hot chocolate and a snack.

Then, you loaded into your jeep and headed back into Boulder. You let Lucy give Patti the small gift you’d bought for her, and in exchange she was very happy with the dinosaur book Patti gave her.

Then, after your burgers and fries you went out onto the square full of little Christmas market stalls, to wait for the Carol service.

Lucy and Andy were busy examining something at one of the stalls when you glanced around, and it suddenly hit you. What that nagging feeling had been.

You moved towards Andy and gently stood on your toes.

“One last thing I need to pick up, won’t be long…”

“Alright…” he leaned down, giving you a quick kiss.

You shot off across the square, slipped into the shop in question, leaving less than five minute late with your purchase stuck in your inside pocket. You needed another quick pit stop, before you returned ten minutes after you had left.

“Looks, Mommy!” Lucy excitedly waved a little wooden tree ornament at you as you reached her and Andy. “Is a daddy wex!”

“Oh, wow!” You beamed. “That’s amazing!”

“We got three!” Andy grinned. “A daddy rex, a mommy rex and a Looby saurus.”

“Hmmm, that’s great.” You beamed, “but…well, you might need to add another.”

"What?" Andy looked as if he hadn't entirely heard you.

You reached into your pocket, dipping your chin into your scarf a little and pulled out the test you’d just done. Thankfully, Lucy was too busy looking at the Carol singers who were now walking into the square with their lanterns to hear Andy’s exclamation.

“Holy fahking shit!”

You grinned. It was all you could do.

His nose was redder than seconds ago his eyes definitely not stinging from the winter air. He had no words, but you could see it on his face.

You'd just given him the third best gift of his life with you.

And pulled his hands from his pockets and quickly grabbed your face. His beard poked then tickled your cheeks as he kissed you, hard.

Lucy giggled, “kissy!” and you spluttered a bit as he pulled away.

“I know….we hadn’t planned another after Lucy, and…we’re gonna be a bit older than we both probably wanna be but…oh, Andy!” You couldn’t help the tears of happiness that pricked your eyes, “another baby!”

He grinned and pulled your face to his again. "I love you, fahk, I fahking love you much, baby."

You spluttered, allowing him to kiss you again before a yell of protest came from Lucy.

You broke apart quickly with a wet laugh from you both. Andy spoke first his voice able to carry over the growing crowd.

"What's the matter?"

“I no sees ” She looked up at you both, pointing to the singers who were now stood ready to start on the small makeshift stage in the middle. Her woolly hat slipped down over her eyes and Andy chuckled. He lifted her up into his arms, righted her hat and gave her cheek a huge kiss.

“Shoulders, peez!”

He grinned and tossed your daughter in her rightful place. Once she was settled, and her holding on, Andy looked down at you again.

His free hand cupped your jaw while his fingers carted through your hair and around the base of your head. "Here we go again," he grinned and bent as far as he could without losing Lucy.

You pressed up on your toes and met him the rest of the way, a final searing kiss to your lips as the opening carol played.

"Angels we have heard on high

Sweetly singing o'er the plains

And the mountains in reply

Echoing their joyous strains...."

"Thanks, Santa," Andy whispered as he pulled away

****

Chapter 25

#consciousness of guilt #andy barber x you #andy barber x reader #Andy barber smut #defending jacob #defending Jacob fan fic #Chris Evans characters

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rineedagger · 4 months ago

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Tales of a Broken Mind

It's long, direct, and miserable. If you're sensitive to somatic symptoms or mental issues in general, just don't read please.

My birthday is on December 15th. I'm twenty-six years old. It's been less than a year since I finished my medication. It's also been less than a year since my last session. I've gone through two major mental crises that forced me to seek help; the first was in 2019 when I was twenty-one, and the second in 2022 when I was twenty-four. Despite this, I don't recall a single moment in my life when my mind knew what it was like to stay silent; always bombarding me with images, dangers, punishments, alerts, sensations.

I have never been a good sleeper, but it wasn’t until I was eleven years old that the little sleep routine and hygiene I had vanished under the thickest, most suffocating sludge. I got into puzzles, though not for long.

I'm tired of always returning to the same point. The beginning of everything. I know it's the main reason that shaped my entire adolescence, my youth, and, consequently, my adult life—or whatever awaits me in terms of my relationships with people; although it has determined much more than that. But still, I won't dig into this part […]

I’ve attended far more schools than the average person: one nursery, one school, then another, then another, and then yet another, and finally, another one. University is the place where I've stayed the longest, nearly nine years. And it has been hell; I've never spent so much time in one place, and I've never had to repeat the same things so many times. The worst part? How alone, abandoned, insignificant, and odd I’ve felt since I turned eighteen. In fact, it’s funny—if you ask me to choose between my adolescence and my youth, I’d choose the first one without hesitation. The damage I suffered's chronic and evident; it changed my life, my perspective, and my mind. But I also lived well, happily, surrounded by people. It didn’t matter if things were this or that—I was still imaginative and eloquent. I had free time, a simple life, a fixed schedule, and not much more.

Now? I feel my brain rotting; my eyes are both bored and tired at the same time. My heart hurts, and I no longer know why. I’ve been a good patient, done my homework, opened up completely, remained transparent.

I survived my adolescence imagining a very different version of myself than the one sitting here, writing these pages. Now I can't imagine another version of me; I can't even see beyond next week […]

It (what I thought it was THE thing) was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I dwelled on at night. I felt my body hyperactive, accumulating stress, always tense, restless, craving more. My mind too—it was racing, unable to focus, which made it impossible to study. It was as if everything moved both in slow motion and fast forward at the same time, as if life were running at two opposite speeds, and I had lost the ability to regulate time. I felt my heart beating out of sync, or thumping irregularly in my chest, even in my throat. Cold sweat covered my body almost constantly, as if I were always on the verge of a final blow. I was in class, feeling that something was wrong, that I was wrong. My guts couldn’t digest anything; I had frequent stabbing pains, and my weight loss was noticeable. I didn’t care about my hair’s cut or texture, nor when I last washed it or the smell of my body. I just wanted to be, to feel fine. But far from that, the nights were becoming increasingly difficult: I went to bed later and woke up earlier. I needed a screen, then another, then a light, then some headphones…and by the end, my room transformed into a holographic star in full combustion. There wasn’t a single corner where my brain could interpret it was time to sleep, and the truth is, I was afraid of going to sleep. What if something happened to me while I slept? What if I woke up again, agitated, disoriented, not knowing what was happening? Then something super weird but distressing began to happen: thinking while asleep. Lying in bed, not without visual and sound stimuli, closing my eyes, breathing deeply, and focusing on whatever sound I had on. Letting time pass and feeling how, little by little, I was falling asleep, feeling my eyes rest more and more and feeling my body less. Until a moment came when it was just me and my brain; instead of dreaming, I was aware that I was thinking, and it was just me and my thoughts on repeat, without a filter, without limits…until all of them combined would pull me out of the trance, not without feeling the worst hangover of my life.

There were few times when I would wake up slightly and couldn’t move my body or felt “someone” sitting at the bottom of my bed. Although there was one time, when I saw the reflection of a human figure sitting on the desk in my room, and as soon as I could move, I bolted to my brother’s room. Sleep paralysis, it’s called. Also, since I’ve never been one to stay still, I'm sleepwalker too; but it’s true that lately, I’ve woken up looking for a remote that doesn’t exist to change the temperature of my room, serving myself tea, giving economics classes to my cat, and little more.

[…] As the therapist said, I was like an atomic bomb about to explode, trapped under pressure in a metal box. Adulthood didn’t sit well with me, and let’s be honest, it will continue to be hard to digest. And I exploded, catharsis after catharsis; I became aware that my studies weren’t doing me any good, I didn’t like them, I didn’t see myself through them, I didn’t feel I fitted; my environment wasn’t ideal either, I felt out of place, always having to adjust to fit in. I was nobody: neither a good student, nor a good daughter, nor a good partner, friend…suddenly, NOTHING defined me. Everything that sustained me was an external concept, subtle, ephemeral, and quite obsolete but, at the same time, VERY enlightening: I needed to be labeled as “good” to feel deserving of a pleased look, a smile, a hug, a shoulder squeeze, someone’s compassion and time; I needed to feel with absolute certainty, almost as tangible as a table, that I was NOT a burden, that I wasn’t superfluous, that my existence generated a positive emotion. I needed something that could refute, or at least freeze, those sensations and thoughts that had built a reality where my existence was a mistake, a blasphemy; a stupid girl who had done nothing but annoy and wrinkle the noses of others. Just for breathing, for being, for existing. And I could say that, by now, I’m used to it, but…I’d be lying.

My relapse in 2022 was more the result of exhaustion and fatigue from remaining in an environment that didn’t favor me. I was still at university, still studying things I didn’t want to, surrounded by people who didn’t interest me, under the authority of professors I didn’t respect either. With my self-esteem destroyed and frustrated. One thing after another.

This time, although I didn’t go through the same insomnia, the quality of my sleep deteriorated; the rumination consumed my day, my night, and my energy. The mental discomfort was as physical as any illness: my heart felt heavy and roared, my chest hurt and died, my throat was burning, and my body was confused. The rumbling of my thoughts was so strong that they had no voice, but I felt them wandering like a heartbeat, like a notification, or the roar of an engine. I was drowning in the bathtub, in the street, in bed. I felt how my whole body collapsed, suffered. It was difficult to feel like myself and remain myself; I could visualize an oil spill contaminating cold, living, and transparent waters. I wanted to die, or rather, I wanted everything to stop. I knew what it meant. This time, after trying to go the public route and seeing it wasn’t an option, due to insurance issues, I ended up sooner with a psychiatrist. When I go to these places, I tend to be quite practical: I communicate the impediment caused by my distress, the physical discomfort without emphasizing the importance of what's happening in my head. It’s also important to note that, just as you can’t explain yourself at your best when you’re in the middle of a medical crisis, you can’t do it when you’re in a mental one, either. I was diagnosed […]. My therapist, an excellent professional, told me I was textbook, so my therapeutic treatment would be too. And it was, in about a year or so, I was practically fine, they took me off the medication, and I was back on track.

[…] It’s very important to remember those moments of crisis, those sensations, what flared them up; that reality from which I’m not exempt just because I’ve already tasted it. Because I can’t allow myself to sacrifice and return to that state for anyone, not even for myself. I’ve always said it and will continue to say it: maybe the origin of it all isn’t my fault, but it is my responsibility. And in the end, no matter how much love I have and share, I only have myself. That may be sad, unless that's how it feels; but it is the truth.

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norwayblogging · 1 year ago

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Week 21/08 - 27/08 21st august:

A new week has started again! I don’t think this week will be all too excited but who knows? Today I had some theoretical lessons. It wasn’t mandatory for future teachers to go to pedagogy, but I wanted to see what subjects were going to be discussed. So I went to that lesson early in the morning. The rest of the day was pretty chill, I went to get some groceries and I went to the gym.

22nd august:

Again, I wasn’t all to excited to go back out in the Fjords again. But I was pretty excited to learn how to canoe! Except for the fact that our teacher pretty much showed very few pictures of how to row in a canoe and how to rescue others and yourself. So we pretty much had to do a rescue excercise before we knew the basics of rowing. I thought it was pretty difficult and I didn’t really know what to do which made my rowing mate a little annoyed but I did try my best! I went in the canoe with my shirt, socks and raintrousers on so when we “fell” into the water I felt somewhat protected by my clothes.

Being in the Fjords became a little easier over time, which i’m glad for. The others in my group also know that my relationship with the wild water isn’t that great, so they know those kind of activities can be overwhelming for me.

23rd august:

Ahh, the beginning of a long weekend for me. I have 3 study days where I don’t have to go to school which is pretty nice. I had a slow day today where I slept in, cleaned my room a little, spend some time on my computer and went to the gym. I finally bought the Norwegian brown cheese! (so delicious with jam 😋)

Around dinner we suddenly got a message that one of the Norwegians made cupcakes for us! Everyone got a cupcake with their home country flag drawn on it. It was way too cute! And SO DELICIOUS!!

24th august:

I was originally planning to go the Heiane today ( a nearby small town, 20 minutes from campus). But I woke up too late to go. A lot of peeps went to Bergen. I’d rather go to Bergen somewhere in December when I meet with some people from back home.

But this day wasn’t lost at all! Some of my dormmates were going for a boatride near campus to go picnicking and they asked me along! I made some lunch and went with them, it was a very nice day to be outside!

At the end of the day I went to the gym again! (If I’m not fit in December, I’m going to cry 😫) Lastly I had a long distance movie night with the boyfriend before I went to bed.

25th august:

My second attempt of going to Heiane today! (I didn’t go 🙂). Slept in again and made breakfast! Todays breakfast: Eggs, bacon and cheese wrap! It was DELICIOUS! Decluttered my room again and worked on my computer for the day. Around noon, I went to the gym again (no one can stop me anymore). And though about making some mushroom soup (which turned more into a sauce than a soup… but it was eatable and surprisingly good 😊)

26th august:

These days are good for sleeping in omg 🤣. Didn’t do much today either… I’m starting to feel bad about it too… But I did try to socialise more today with my dormmates, I went to the gym and called with some friends from home.

27th august:

Sunday again! I spend my morning doing a workout with some friends from home. (I was suppost to rest from going to the gym everyday… but anyway 😄). I chilled a bit at my studenthousing and around 17 pm I figured I should try if my studentcard could actually open the library (spoiler alert: it did!). The wifi at school lets me do a lot more stuff online than the wifi in my dorm so I would like to go here on a sunday more often 😊. Some of my dormmates made some Norwegian Boller, the little breadbuns we also made on the short mountain trip. I could eat them everyday.

This week wasn’t that exciting… but that’s okay! I think next week will bring much more joy!

Week 21/08 - 27/08 21 augustus:

Een nieuwe week is weer begonnen! Ik denk niet dat deze week al te enthousiast zal zijn, maar wie weet? Vandaag had ik wat theorielessen. Het was niet verplicht voor toekomstige leraren om naar pedagogiek te gaan, maar ik wilde wel zien welke onderwerpen er aan bod zouden komen. Dus ging ik vroeg in de ochtend naar die les. De rest van de dag was vrij chill, ik ging wat boodschappen halen en ik ging naar de sportschool.

22 augustus:

Ik was weer niet zo enthousiast om terug te gaan naar de Fjorden. Maar ik was wel enthousiast om te leren kanoën! Behalve dan dat onze leraar maar weinig plaatjes liet zien van hoe je moet roeien in een kano en hoe je anderen en jezelf moet redden. Dus moesten we eerst een reddingsoefening doen voordat we de basis van het roeien kenden. Ik vond het best moeilijk en ik wist niet echt wat ik moest doen, waardoor mijn roeipartner een beetje geïrriteerd raakte, maar ik heb wel mijn best gedaan! Ik ging in de kano met mijn shirt, sokken en regenbroek aan, dus toen we in het water "vielen" voelde ik me enigszins beschermd door mijn kleren.

Na verloop van tijd werd het een beetje makkelijker om in de Fjorden te zijn en daar ben ik blij om. De anderen in mijn groep weten ook dat mijn relatie met het wilde water niet zo geweldig is, dus ze weten dat dit soort activiteiten overweldigend voor me kunnen zijn.

23 augustus:

Ahh, het begin van een lang weekend voor mij. Ik heb 3 studiedagen waarop ik niet naar school hoef en dat is best fijn. Vandaag had ik een rustige dag waarin ik uitsliep, mijn kamer een beetje opruimde, wat tijd achter mijn computer doorbracht en naar de sportschool ging. Ik heb eindelijk de Noorse bruine kaas gekocht! (zo lekker met jam 😋)

Rond het avondeten kregen we ineens een berichtje dat een van de Noren cupcakes voor ons had gemaakt! Iedereen kreeg een cupcake met de vlag van zijn eigen land erop getekend. Het was veel te schattig! En zo lekker!

24 augustus:

Ik was oorspronkelijk van plan om vandaag naar Heiane te gaan (een klein stadje in de buurt, 20 minuten van de campus). Maar ik werd te laat wakker. Veel mensen gingen naar Bergen. Ik ga liever ergens in december naar Bergen als ik met wat mensen van thuis afspreek.

Maar deze dag was helemaal niet verloren! Een paar van mijn huisgenoten gingen een boottochtje maken in de buurt van de campus om te picknicken en ze vroegen me mee! Ik maakte lunch en ging met ze mee, het was een hele mooie dag om buiten te zijn!

Aan het einde van de dag ging ik weer naar de sportschool! (Als ik in december niet fit ben, ga ik huilen 😫) Als laatste had ik een lange afstands filmavond met vriendlief voordat ik naar bed ging.

25 augustus:

Mijn tweede poging om naar Heiane te gaan vandaag! (Ik ben niet gegaan 🙂 ). Weer uitgeslapen en ontbijt gemaakt! Het ontbijt van vandaag: Eieren, bacon en kaas wrap! Het was heerlijk! Mijn kamer weer opgeruimd en aan mijn computer gewerkt voor vandaag. Rond het middaguur ging ik weer naar de sportschool (niemand kan me meer tegenhouden). En dacht eraan om champignonsoep te maken (wat meer een saus werd dan een soep… maar het was te eten en verrassend lekker 😊)

26 augustus:

Deze dagen zijn goed om uit te slapen 🤣. Vandaag ook niet veel gedaan… Ik begin me er ook slecht over te voelen… Maar ik heb vandaag wel geprobeerd om meer te socializen met mijn huisgenoten, ik ben naar de sportschool geweest en heb gebeld met wat vrienden van thuis.

27 augustus:

Weer zondag! Ik heb mijn ochtend besteed aan een workout met wat vrienden van thuis. (Ik had eigenlijk moeten rusten van elke dag naar de sportschool te gaan… maar goed 😄). Ik chillde wat op mijn studentenhuis en rond 17 uur dacht ik dat ik maar eens moest proberen of mijn studentenkaart de bibliotheek kon openen (spoiler alert: dat deed hij!). Met de wifi op school kan ik veel meer online doen dan met de wifi in mijn studentenhuis, dus ik wil hier vaker heen op zondag 😊. Een paar van mijn kamergenoten hebben Noorse Boller gemaakt, de kleine broodjes die we ook tijdens de korte bergtocht hebben gemaakt. Ik zou ze elke dag wel kunnen eten.

Deze week was niet zo spannend… maar dat geeft niet! Ik denk dat volgende week veel meer vreugde zal brengen!

#adventure #erasmus #fjord #norway #norwegian #travel #teacher #writeblr

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emotionallyinvested · 2 years ago

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we met randomly on september 8, 2021.

she added me off mention because her friend thought i was cute. little did we know we would end up talking & flirting all night. that night, became every day.

our first date was at the bubble tea shop next to our school, where she ordered a small passionfruit green tea with mango popping pearls, i paid of course. i started walking her to her dance studio everyday just for the extra 5-10 minutes i got with her. thanksgiving was the first time i brought her home to meet my family, where we fell asleep on eachother in the car on our way home. even though she rejected me 4 times prior, i still had a gut feeling it was something to stay and wait for. on november 4, right before she walked into her dance studio, at 4:16pm, i grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me and popped the question, “will you be my girlfriend”. and she finally accepted. i still remember the smile and pinkness of her cheeks blushing when i asked the question. from that moment on i never would have guessed the love i would find for her. on november 27, i watched her dance clara in the nutcracker for the very first time. i balled my eyes out in her mom’s arms. it was at the moment i knew i truly loved her, and knew that she was the one. on december 4, we celebrated our one month by going to a christmas light up. it was this evening that we slow danced for the first time together, i still can feel the way she put her arms around my neck and looked into my arms. i tried to pop a kiss in, but failed miserably. it was because she was so focused on the pretty lights rather then me. but to be honest i don’t hold a grudge, i still can remember the smile she had looking at those lights and the happy feeling it brought me seeing her smile. on december 12 i went to her house for the first time. it was this night we watched the entire twilight saga together, and in the midst of it we both made direct eye contact and slowly moved in and had our first kiss, and from that moment on i was addicted to her lips. our first christmas together was a blast, we went skating in the middle of a snow storm at midnight. freezing our asses off, we tried to stay together as long as possible. on new years i got sick so didn’t get to have her as my new years kiss. january marked the beginning of us dancing with the same company. this would make our love something that would never end. on valentine’s day, february 14 2022, we lost our v-cards together. in may i cried again, watching her dance the kitri fan variation in our spring mixed program show, and yes, again in june watching her dance in swan lake. we spent the summer apart since she was in portugal and i was still back at home, but every moment she could we would facetime or text, and when she came home we were inseparable. right before the first day of school, we got matching white nails with black hearts on the ring fingers. in october i cried as i watched her dance in act 2 of giselle in our show ‘Artist’s Passion’. later that month, out of nowhere she decided we needed a break so i could focus on my declining mental health. from that moment on, i got my shit together thinking about how she was the one for me, and i wanted this to work so badly. in december, we were still no longer together, but i cried watching her dance the Marzipan solo in the Nutcracker. now in march of 2023, we still are no longer together, but every day i hope that she will come back like she promised because i know she is the one, and i want this, us, so badly. she decided to go with the guy i was told not to worry about, and it hurts so much, while leading me to think i was getting my second chance, but decided all of a sudden she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. so now, we act like strangers, like nothing ever happened between us. like i never knew her favourite colour, or met her grandpa. but when we make eye contact, you can tell there is still romantic passion & tension between the two of us. i still pray and wish every night that maybe there’s a chance, the girl of my dreams, the girl i love more then anymore, will comeback and we will be happy together.

#story time #collective #journaling #emotionally invested

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miss-inkwell · 2 years ago

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I posted 713 times in 2022

That's 343 more posts than 2021!

54 posts created (8%)

659 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shania-twain

@electrictoes

@carisi-rollins

@theonethinginlife

@thena0315

I tagged 681 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#amanda rollins - 233 posts

#sonny carisi - 230 posts

#rollisi - 213 posts

#they’re in love your honor - 139 posts

#svu spoilers - 69 posts

#maddie buckley - 68 posts

#chimney han - 67 posts

#abbott elementary - 66 posts

#janine teagues - 54 posts

#911 spoilers - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#it’s about how happy they are to act married when they are married

My Top Posts in 2022:

This Abbott episode was so good it had 10/10 laughs, shipping fuel and a heart warming message. Making new friends is hard and it’s still hard but you gotta take the first step and sometimes it sucks. The unknown is so scary and sometimes I really hate it. My comfort zone is where I want to stay sometimes but getting out is good to. I get the feeling that Janine was only friends with Erika and the others out of association so I hope that after this party she genuinely makes some new friends. She’s so relatable to me and I love her so much!

On another note she looked really good in this dress and my man Gregory could not look away ahh I love them! The banter talk that they had earlier it was all so good ❤️

45 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Her reaction is very bashful and longing, she’s fantasizing about it while she tucks her hair back as her smile widens. She’s so happy, she wants to Mrs. Carisi

He’s so proud and honoured to be married to her even if it’s for a little bit. It won’t just be for a little bit for long he’s going to marry her he was imagining it than just like he always was.

Gifs by @shania-twain

45 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

I can’t believe this they almost kissed it was so magical! Janine came out of her comfort zone and danced with him and they shared this moment and they both leaned in!!! They would have both started dating if they kissed definitely but Ahh the text I’m here for it though. Slow burns are the best we’re gonna be here for a while. They were insane this entire episode from the awkward/ I’m so into you talk in the club to the dancing and Greg indirectly calling her beautiful it was perfect 😻 I have a feeling they might not talk much during the break and maybe things will be awkward once they get back. Janine might wonder if he’s still dating Amber and what if Janine dates someone. Janine has this new confidence that I love so I wonder how that will factor in the second half. I’m so proud of her for making the first move and I’m so ready for what comes next ❤️

68 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

Carisi addressing Amanda’s parenting even before they got together is so personal because he could see from the start that she was great. He experienced it and now he gets to see it everyday while being an awesome dad💕

See the full post

76 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Amanda Rollins is a special, well developed, complicated and wonderful character who went through so much hell but found happiness and love. This was the beginning of her journey with Carisi the love of her life and just the start of her happiness. I love Amanda and I’m sad that she’s leaving she was beloved by many. I love her and Rollisi and it hurts that come mid season she’ll be gone. I’ll still write fic though because I’ll always love Rollisi. Wishing all the best to Kelli and I hope Amanda’s last episode does her character justice

89 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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poguesholland · 3 years ago

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No pressure but if you have time do you think you could ever write something about waking up really early one day with gray? Like you’re chilly and snuggle into him and wake up slow and just lovey and go for a walk around the neighborhood with sledge and some coffee. Idk domestic boyfriend Grayson is just so cute to me 🥺🥰

Gets a bit steamy at one point but I hope you like it!

Your eyes flutter open to be faced with a window, covered in snow. Currently, you were in New Jersey with your boyfriend, Grayson, as he visited his family. You loved coming to New Jersey, it was just so different from where you lived. It was peaceful. And you loved visiting Lisa, Graysons Mom.

Graysons arm was draped over your waist, looser than how it was last night yet still making sure you stayed close to him. His face rested against your shoulder, feeling the small breaths he takes against your skin. You shuffle a bit in place to have a better look outside the window and admire the December weather.

You feel Grayson shift a bit behind you before the arm around your waist tightens it’s grip, pulling you closer to him. A smile finds its way to your face as Grayson hides his face in the crook of your neck, peppering kisses all over. You giggle at the ticklish sensation before turning around to face your handsome boy.

You move your leg to be across Graysons waist and lay down on top of him, sort of straddling him. His hands go to your waist, sliding up the fabric of his shirt which you wore to sleep, to rest against your bare stomach giving you goosebumps. A hand of yours goes to cup Graysons face as he sleepily looks at you with admiration.

“G’Morning baby” Grayson yawns leaning into your palm, closing his eyes to savor this feeling. Smiling softly at his sleepy state, you lean in to leave a deep kiss on his lips. “Good morning, my love” You whisper against his lips, making Grayson smile and lean in to kiss you once more. Your hand tangles in his soft curls as your head rests on his chest, looking up at him.

“It’s snowing” You say, raising your eyebrows as Grayson grins widely. His hands trace random shapes onto your bare skin, the feeling making you relaxed. “Maybe we could take a walk?” He suggests and you hum a quiet ‘okay’. Both of you peacefully take in this lovely moment, a moment where you and no responsibilities or worries. Just here with one another.

That didn’t last long as you heard scratching against the bottom of the bed, looking down to see none other than Sledge, Grayson and Ethan’s dog. But from how much he adores you and Kristina, anyone would think he’s your dog. You quickly sit up to straddle Grayson, reaching down to carry Sledge up onto the bed.

“Gooodd Morning, my perfect boyy, I missed you so much. Yes I did, yes I did!” You exclaim excitedly, as you kiss Sledge all over his face. He gets excited, licking you to give you a kiss. Grayson could not bring himself to understand how you could kiss the dog directly on the lips, he could barely let the furry animal lick him.

Sledge leans up to lick Graysons face, tail wagging with excitement as Grayson smiled widely. “Good morning to you too, was hoping to have a little alone time with my girlfriend but I can share if you want” He talks to the dog, making you giggle.

Sledge lays his head on Graysons thigh, closing his eyes in content as you pet him. “Look at how cute he is! Oh my god, I just wanna eat him up!” You ramble to Grayson at the sight of the dog, making him laugh. Little did you know he was looking at you with the same look of admiration you were giving Sledge, his heart warming at the sight of you bonding with his dog.

“Can Sledge come with us on our walk? Please, I promise I won’t let go of his leash and he won’t get lost again! I even got him that adorable winter outfit with an ice cap and everything, Gray please-” You whine and Grayson laughs, leaving a kiss on your head. “Of course baby, we just need to get dressed”.

You got up and took out your warmest pair of sweatpants and one of Graysons hoodies, taking out a scarf and ice cap for you and Grayson. You weren’t wearing anything under Graysons shirt which you had slept with, so once you took it off, Grayson whistled making you blush. “Stop, Gray!” You whine making him chuckle.

He gets up from the bed to stand behind you as you looked through your closet for gloves, arms wrapping around your bare waist. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, leaving slow kisses from your jaw to your shoulder, his scruff tickling you. “On second thought, maybe we could stay in instead?” Grayson mumbles. You let out a sigh of content as you leaned back into Graysons bare chest, indulging in the feeling of his mouth on your skin.

Graysons hands trail up to your breasts, as he cups them lightly making your breath hitch in your throat. “Gray” You whimpered as you turned your head to face him, leaning in to connect your lips. You hum into the kiss as his fingers brush over your hardening buds, making your head spin.

Suddenly, Sledge barks loudly from the bed, interrupting the two of you. “Do you have to be such a cockblock all the time Sledge?” Grayson groans into the kiss, earning a giggle from you. You run your hands through his hair and pull away from him, “C’mon, get dressed so we can go”.

And both of you get dressed ten minutes later, now having finished dressing Sledge up. You went downstairs to pour some cereal into two bowls for Grayson and you, filling up two glasses of water as well.

Grayson and you quickly finish the breakfast and put on your shoes, along with your winter coats. You put Sledge’s leash on, with some difficulty due to his excitement. As you walk out, Grayson shuts the door behind you. He lightly jogs to reach you, his hand wrapping around your waist to keep you close to him.

He leans down to kiss your cheek, “Coffee?”, knowing you already want coffee. “Coffee”. You head to a small coffee stand and order, Grayson pays for your drinks which you thank him for. You wait for your drink as Sledge tries to run around to escape the leash he had on. “You love walks that much, huh buddy?” Grayson chuckles as he leans down to pet the dog. A smile finds its way onto your face before you take the coffee, thanking the barista and handing Grayson his coffee.

Snuggling up to Grayson, you walk around the snowed out streets of Jersey. “God, I forget how much I miss living in Jersey” Grayson let’s out, eyes scanning the fairytale like scene in front of the both of you. “One day, maybe you will” You hum and he squeezes your waist. “We will” He corrects you as you blush, resting your head on his shoulder.

“That’s very confident of you to say about the future” You joke and he shrugs. “You are my future” Grayson replies softly as you both stop walking. “You think about stuff like that?” You almost whisper, feeling your heart warming by the second. “Yeah, ‘Course I do” Grayson mumbles, his hands resting on your hips to bring you closer to him.

He notices your blush, smiling lightly. “When we get married, we’ll move to Jersey. We’ll get three dogs, that I’ll hopefully not be allergic to, we’ll have kids — have a huge family, if y’want to it’s your body of course — take walks every day and grow old together with Sledge” Grayson continues, and you look at him in awe. “I really won the jackpot with you, didn’t I?” You laugh lightly, a hand of yours going to Graysons neck to lightly pull him towards you and kiss him softly.

He leans his head down, deepening your kiss. “I love you so much” Grayson mumbles into the kiss and you connect your lips once more. “I love you so much more” You let out, your eyes staring into his captivating hazel orbs. He smiles lightly, before turning his attention back to Sledge who had began to get a bit bored.

Sledge begins to get a bit tired, which you take notice of, so you pick him up and try to cheer him up. ��Look, Sledge! Everything’s so pretty here!” You point out to him, not even noticing that you were using your baby voice. Grayson takes his phone out to take a picture of you as you were totally unaware, setting it as his lock screen.

He really had everything he needed at this very moment. And he hoped that in the future, he could still be able to say the exact same sentence with you by his side, always.

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swtki · 3 years ago

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In The Dark - D.M

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Ravenclaw! Fem! Reader.

Summary: Draco gets lucky in a dark closet

Warnings: Smut, 18+ content, swearing, semi-public sex, underage drinking if you aren’t in the UK, party, SoftDom! Draco,praise kink, Hook up sex, no previous relationship between the two parties, Oral (m),.

All characters in this story are 18 in an AU where the war never happened.

The music drilled harshly into my ears, making me wonder why I even came to these bloody things. Sure, Slytherins were known for throwing the best parties with the finest firewhiskey in all the castle, but that didn’t make it necessary for me to attend. I hardly drank, I didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of the other Slytherins, it would be in bad taste as I had an image to keep. The Malfoy’s could never be anything but perfect, but if everyone around me was pissed - did it really matter? It’s not like they would notice if I let loose a bit, or even if I nursed one small drink.

“Seen Parkinson ‘nywhere?” Blaises voice pulled me out of my thoughts, he had leaned in close to me and when I turned to his voice I was taken aback to see him so close. I turned my head back around, slumping in my chair.

“‘M not her keeper. The girl could be in Germany by now and I doubt she would’ve tipped anyone off, ‘s not unusual for her to disappear.” The tall man laughed, gripping my shoulder in a friendly gesture. “Why’re you so interested anyway? Didn’t think you wanted to shag the girl that badly.” Blaise shook his head.

“It’s not Parkinson I'm interested in. It’s her friend, she’s bringing a Ravenclaw girl.” I raised my eyebrow in suspicion, “She must be superb for Parkinson to overlook her house, no?” I tilted my head in an unsure response. We never invited non-Slytherins, hell sometimes we didn’t even invite Slytherins.

I stood from the smooth velvet chair, pushing my way past people as Blaise followed me. I poured pumpkin juice for myself in one of the crystal glasses. Blaise topped his drink off, I scoffed at him. “Don’t make me drag you back to the dorm when you get so pissed you forget your own name.” He frowned at me - unamused by my joke as it was a sensitive topic; The December Party Incident.

“There,” He calls out, I snap my head in the direction, “That’s not at all how I pictured her, you know, Ravenclaws aren’t usually into anything other than their own classes.” Blaise had a point, the girl who stood next to Parkinson wasn’t like the usual Ravenclaw. She wore a black dress that cut off at the knee and showed most of her collarbone. Though simple, she was striking in it. She and Parkinson walked over to us at the make-shift bar.

“Right, this is Y/N. She bites.” the more familiar girl said, stepping away to see to her empty glass.

“Draco Malfoy, a pleasure to meet you.” I say, scooping up her hand and laying a kiss to the top, like a true gentleman I might add. She pulled away from me, wiping her hand on her skirt.

“I know who you are, you made my life a living hell for years one through four. I’m not even one of the Potter Possy.” I fell pale, embarrassed at her comeback. Although, I found myself intrigued and impressed by how fiery she was.

“Potter Possy?”

“Are you surprised that Ravenclaws came up with that name?” she said, slyly. I decided I liked her in that moment. She was interesting, she was unlike the others I was so used to surrounding myself with. I offered her a drink, to which she declined and said she was one of Parkinson’s keepers for the night, and then we went our separate ways. I went back to my chair, and she went back to Parkinson. Except, I couldn’t help but keep an eye on the girl. Something about her made me want more - no need more. Her perfume, her eyes, the feeling of her soft hand in my own, I was hooked to say the least.

Eventually, she detached from the group and sat in the couch next to me, how convenient. She had her cheek propped up on her fist, looking around the room. “Why are people so bloody boring, isn’t the point of a party supposed to be for fun?” I laugh at her words.

“Yeah, suppose so. I’m just here because I have to. Any one of these idiots die and it's somehow my fault by proxy.” That was my comment that sparked a full on conversation.

We talked for hours, about her family, her home, her friends in Ravenclaw that would obliterate her if they knew she were there with me. I looked at the large clock on the wall. “Merlin, it's two a.m and these animals haven’t even begin to calm down.” I mumbled.

“Do you wanna maybe - get out of here? Not too far of course.” She winked at the last bit.

“Alright, not too far though.”

“Not too far, now come along.” I laughed and followed suit.

She brought us out to one of the corridors, cool air slapping me in the face. I followed her down, getting more and more confused by the minute. She stopped and turned towards me, a blank look upon her face. “Alright, what are we doing here, darling.” I quickly regretted my words as my cheeks went hot. The last word just rolled off my tongue. I saw her smirk in the dim light as she slowly walked towards me. I didn’t dare move, I wanted to see what she had planned.

“I just,” her soft hand slid up my torso, yanking my tie so that my head was level with hers, “thought we could entertain ourselves.” Softly, she kissed me. It was electric and suddenly the cold air around me was no longer there. I only focused on the brilliant woman in front of me. She leaned in close to my ear, “if that’s alright, Mr. Malfoy.”

Something snapped inside, leading me to grab her waist and push her into the closest room. It was pitch black, I’d guess a storage closet as there were no windows. Our hands roamed each others bodies, lips colliding in what I can only describe as a violent way. Her hands worked to undo my trousers as I worked on the top half of her.

“Can you get on your knees for me, darling?” I asked, blindly feeling my way around her tits. I felt her body shake slightly, she was nodding yes. She giggled, lowering herself onto the floor. My trousers were pooled around my ankles, the girl in front of me was working my cock with her hand.

I gasped, my hand flying into her hair, “Fuck, wish I could see what you were doing, I bet you wish you could see how good you’re making me feel.” I felt a wet and warm sensation on the tip of my cock, her hand was still stroking me. She made good use of her tongue, but I knew she could do more. “Come on, Sweetheart. I know you can make me feel so much better, just go a bit farther. Wanna feel your pretty throat around me.” her hands grasped my thighs, as she went farther, her nails digged into my skin. Slow at first, she bobbed her head, making a gagging noise that only drove me crazier. I couldn’t see her, but I had been dreaming of how she would look in this position all night. She drove her hands up from my legs to my lower hips, earning a low groan from myself. “‘M gonna cum, darling,” the tension in my stomach grew tighter, threatening to snap at any moment. She pulled her mouth off, giving me a wet hand job.

“Please cum on my face, give me your hot cum, Mr. Malfoy “ I lost it with that phrase, my hips twitching as I felt her stay still. The small space was filled with my desperate pants.

“Wow. That was brilliant. Merlin, I reckon you deserve a reward for being such a good girl” I grabbed her face and could feel the smile decorating it. She stood up, and I went down to the floor, making my way to her lower half. “Wearing a skirt to a Slytherin party, was that another Ravenclaw thing?”. She was going to answer, but within seconds she was putty under my tongue and fingers.

#harry potter smut #harry potter imagine #draco mallfoy imagines #draco mallfoy x reader #harry potter preferences #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy x reader #harry potter imagines #harry potter lemon #draco malfoy #hp x reader #hp headcanon #hp smut #DM smut #tom felton smut

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poguestvff · 3 years ago

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Used To The Cold — S. Cameron

In which Sarah Cameron comes to a realization after her girlfriend moves across the country.

taglist | main masterlist | 2.0k words

warning(s): none, fluff, i heart sarah <33

Have you ever lost something that held either so many memories or brought a sort of happiness that just warmed you immediately even at the sight of it? Most people have something like that. Such as for children when it comes to losing stuffed animals or action figures that were a source of comfort, they missed it like hell. Said children grow up and look for a new source of comfort. Some teenagers found it in weed and alchohol, others in sports. For Sarah Cameron, she grew out of the beautiful pink blanket her father had gotten her as a toddler. As she grew into a teenager, she found a new solace.

Her girlfriend.

Sarah made it very apparent to show her love to her girlfriend who, at one point, was just her best friend who she could hardly even bare to be away from. Sarah had known she'd loved Y/n before they even got together by the way Sarah had never felt claustrophobic in the friendship that she held with the other girl. She said the three words within the first six months of being with her, words she had never spoken to another being other than her family. It was a word she, personally, took seriously. For her to say it to Y/n showed the amount of trust she held within her. Trust to not feel so closed off with Y/n.

At the beginning of the relationship, Sarah was glad that not much had changed between the two of them. That Y/n let her have her space whenever she needed it without the dependent need to be together all day though it quickly became backwards. Sarah grew even more clingy to Y/n, hardly able to deal without her hands being stuck to her girlfriend like glue. Whenever they went out to lunch, Sarah played a one sided game of footsies that only brought a smile upon Y/n’s features, one of Sarah’s favorite traits about her. Sarah loved the idea of always having a person to call her own, Y/n seeming to be the one person who could bring out her newfound touchiness. Though, sometimes she pondered on whether Y/n herself was even handling it or if she just ‘put up’ with it. If she did have an indifference towards Sarah’s actions, she surely never showed her disinterest in it.

Though the last time Sarah had held on to her girlfriend felt soul crushing and gut wrenching. As the two of them stood on the creaky, wooden dock just before the ferry, Sarah felt drained. Between the amount of crying she’d done in just the past few days had been enough to make her want to sleep forever and the comfort of her girlfriends arms around her hadn’t helped that feeling. Tears held a steady stream down both of their faces though Sarah was the one who was unable to contain her sobs. People passed around them, solemn looks given to the two of them as they listened in on the sniffles and soft wails.

Y/n didn’t need to be a genius to understand that this was twice as hard for Sarah as it would be for her. Y/n was leaving, miles away that Sarah couldn’t even pin on when the next time she’d being able to hold on to her would be. All she knew was that this embrace that Y/n held on her would be the last one for months and there wasn’t a thing that would be able to make up for it between now and then.

It evoked an indescribable sort of fear within Sarah but she knew it was immutable. If Sarah could, she'd even drop her whole life within Outer Banks to follow her girlfriend across the world. There wasn't much Sarah wouldn't do and there wasn't much Y/n wouldn't do for Sarah either, including the moving date having already been pushed back a month because of Y/n's several arguments with her parents.

"I don't want you to go." sarah whispered as y/n kissed her neck. She could hear the blonde's pained and wavering voice, how affected she already was even as Y/n hadn't even stood on the boat yet.

"I know, lover." the y/h/c girl spoke in a low tone, only sarah able to hear her words of affirmation. Y/n was first to pull back, placing her hands on Sarah's cheeks. The sight of Sarah with puffy eyes and a quivering lip made y/n's heart throb and a guilty feeling blanket over her like a raising tide. "i'll visit. Every chance I get, you know I will."

"It won't be the same." she lamented. Y/n placed her lips against Sarah’s, delicately as if the blonde were made of porcelain. When Y/n's parents had called for her and Ward and Rose had called Sarah away from the dock, Sarah only seemed to want to cling further, fingers pressing further into the thin jacket Y/n worse, but their time had finally run out. Even after weeks of pretending that they had all the time in the world, like nothing could pull the two of them apart, it had happened.

The first few weeks, the whole Cameron house had known Sarah spent most of her nights crying herself to sleep and the entire Y/l/n house knew Y/n was not going to be speaking to them for a little while due to their newest decision. Both groups of parents hadn't known that pulling the duo away from one another would become such a quagmire for each of them.

When Y/n did finally decide to talk to her parents, it was usually to say she was leaving to explore the area in which she refused to get to know the first few days. With a driver license, it gave her just a bit of freedom from her parents who's impromptu decisions had still caused for a tearing in their familial relationship.

Y/n sat in her parked car, a hot beverage in hand to adjust to the cold in which she'd just stood in for five minutes. All of it for a drink that wasn't even that good in her opinion but she dealt with it. With the hand not holding the steaming drink, she opened her phone, smiling immediately at the photo of her and sarah as her background. She unlocked it, scrolling around to find Sarah's contact and setting her phone up against the dashboard. While it began to ring, Y/n situated herself to begin to drive. "Hi, Y/n/n!" Sarah shouted excitedly the second she'd answered.

At her tone of voice did Y/n laugh. The enthusiasm was no surprise but it was funny to Y/n every time. "Hi, baby." She replied, fhe smile remaining on her face as she looked towards the screen. Sarah sat at her desk, her hands under her jaw though a pencil between her fingers. She had focused all of her attention from the papers in front of her to the driver on the other end of the phone. "What are you doing?"

The sound of whizzing paper had made Y/n glance to the phone seeing a math sheet now replacing Sarah's face before she placed it back down, a frown appearing on her features. "Math."

"Didn't you just start like two days ago?" Y/n asked, taking a sip from her drink.

"Yes and this teacher is an absolute bitch. You're just lucky you don't start for another week. You would hate Mr. Henley."

Y/n let out an awfully dramatic gasp. "Um, hello, Mr. Henley was literally my home room teacher last year, I'll have you know. Show some respect." She said, almost missing Sarah's chagrined look as she smiled.

"You're supposed to be on my side here."

"Sorry, i don't believe in biases, Sar." She joked for sarah to let out a small snicker.

"So tell me, how's minnesota?" Sarah asked, trying to spark up a conversation even if the distance was the same thing she wanted to keep her mind off of.

"Oh, it's so great. So many hot people." she remarked.

"You're not funny, no one has ever found you funny." Sarah replied though unable to hold in her laugh along with her girlfriend. "I'm serious. we haven't talked much about it and i don't want to like... avoid your new life now."

Y/n sighed, looking towards the phone to see Sarah looking back down at her work in front of her. "Fine. Well, it doesn't particularly suck. The no surfing part definitely does, though, but what can you do. And the coffee here... no, its just so bad, babe. granted, i only had one, and it's in my cup holder right now but it's gross."

"My coffee making is better, right?" Sarah asked as Y/n gave a hefty nod.

"So much better, even if it is the only thing you're good at making." Y/n laughed and Sarah attempted to refuse a smile, her cheeks quivering from trying to keep it down. "But the weather dropped today, randomly. It was seventy yesterday, fifty today but i think i'm getting used to the cold."

Sarah lifted her head back to the phone, watching Y/n focus on driving, her eyes diverting on places away from the screen. Sarah but at her inner cheek, drumming her fingers against the white wood that rested under her forearms. "Used to it?" Sarah asked. She knew Y/n's move was permanent at least until she was eighteen but something about those words made it seem more realistic. She was getting used to a place that wasn't home.

Y/n hummed. "Yeah, i'm probably being dramatic. I saw a guy walking around in a tank top and shorts while i'm wearing double pair of socks right now." she grinned at her own comment though picking up on Sarah's sudden discomfort when she replied with a small 'wow'. "Lover?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?" Y/n asked, the car slowing to a stop at a red light.

Sarah quickly shook her head. "No, it's nothing. Just... the work. Keep your eye on the road."

"Sarah." The blond recognized the tone of voice quickly.

"Just... I just fully realized how permanent this is. I won't see you until, what? December? That's a long time, Y/n! And, i get it, it's your home now and i can't do anything about it but—"

Y/n was quick to cut her off. "I never said this is home. Sure I live here but it's just a couple walls and a roof. It's not home, Sarah." Y/n began. "Home is you. And trust me, i've been missing home the second i got on that ferry."

Despite them having to look at one another through a glass screen the feeling—the connection between the two of them was still felt. Sarah could feel the normal warm feeling she would've gotten whenever Y/n would simply hold her hand or brush her hair over her ear. she held that much of an effect on Sarah in person and somehow even thousands of miles away.

Sarah hadn't even realized she had been staring for a total of twenty seconds until a singular tear fell down her blushing cheeks. she quickly sniffled, recomposing herself as she wiped it away. "Are you seriously making me cry right now?" She muttered with the way the atmosphere had become though relishing in the way Y/n laughed in response.

"Yes, thank you for ignoring everything i just said, lover." Y/n put the car back in drive as the light went green. Due to the steets being relatively empty in her new small town, she took the time to look back over at the phone to Sarah. "I love you."

Sarah's smile widened in thag very moment, pursing her lips before pushing them out. "I love you more."

"And don't worry. I won't get to used to it. I'll be back home, to you, before you even know it." Y/n took a small glance to the phone, enjoying Sarah's gaze that showed even with the distance put between the two of them, they'd be fine.

#outer banks x reader #outer banks #outer banks imagine #jj maybank #sarah cameron fluff #sarah cameron x reader #sarah cameron #obx imagine #john b routledge #pope heyward

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white-collar-lawmen-and-conmen · 3 years ago

Text

Future

A/N: Yikes. I cried several times writing this. I'm very proud of how it turned out - I think it's one of my strongest pieces on the entire blog - but be warned: bring tissues. Also, Mozzie's quote is originally from Abraham Lincoln. Requested by @ladykeqing

Summary: In the wake of Neal's death, a regret haunts you.

Word Count: 1,964

Peter sat you down and told you in his home. Well… just June’s home, now. The way Mozzie had trailed behind him, for once wordless… His face looking ashen… A part of you had known even before Peter asked you to sit down.

“He told me to say he’s sorry,” Peter said, barely more than a whisper that somehow felt deafening to your brain. “And that he loves you more than you know.”

The room was suddenly stifling. It was more than just the emotions in the air, layering over each other into a thick, caustic fog. It was the darkening of shadows that stretched in from the glass doors, and the silence of the record player that drove deep into their eardrums to muffle the little sounds of life coming from each other. The penthouse was, in an instant, so tiny and deathly empty, and you wished so dearly that you’d been at your own apartment. Staying the weekend had seemed like such a great idea before you abruptly became the only resident.

For a few seconds, you had a mind to just stay put and let the shadows come and take over. To let the agonizing ache of loss engulf your entire heart and continue expanding until it was bigger than your body and you disappeared forever. All so you wouldn’t have to keep looking at the records Neal would never again play and the table he would never again sit at. So you would never have to spend a last moment in the home of your lover before turning your back on it and, by extension, him.

Without him, there was nowhere to turn. The prospect of your remaining lifetime without your partner made your chest and throat tighten with another round of sobs. It all felt so dim. You tried to hold it back, but couldn’t last long before your hands were to your mouth and a strangled whimper was breaking from your lips.

Mozzie could have fooled you into thinking he hadn’t heard, so resolute he was in boring a hole into the rug with his stare. Peter looked towards you with deep brown eyes, solicitous and pleading at the same time. He was as stunned as you were – but where you were being crushed under the weight of isolation, at least Peter got to go home to El. You didn’t have anyone to go home to anymore. Hell, without Neal, did you even have a home at all?

You envied Mozzie. Really, you did. His Buddhist leanings might be a comfort to him, able to think of Neal’s absence as temporary, or his spirit as remaining around them in some way or form. But when you tried to imagine you could feel him still there, the encroaching shadows and silent record player and empty bed all drew together at once until you were drowning in the lack. It was as if your haywire senses were punishing you for thinking even for a moment that you could feel your loss as anything less than absolute. He was gone and the world was permanently less wonderful.

A gunshot. Neal hated guns so much. Maybe this was why.

Wait. No. Time didn’t work like that. Right? He couldn’t hate something for a reason that hadn’t happened yet.

Laughter that bordered on hysterical bubbled out of your throat as you anxiously covered your face, waiting for the mania to pass. Laughter was easier than sobs. It physically hurt less. Emotionally it was so much worse. You could feel the concerned eyes on you while you waited until your desperate giggles died, just like your partner.

“I never said,” you said, wresting the words out before cries – or worse, more laughs – forced themselves out instead. You looked down with shame and guilt. His last words to you were almost cruel. Tender in their meaning, but cruel in consequence – he would never know how deeply you cared for him. You hoped he did. Didn’t you show it all the time? But that was different from hearing the words out loud, and now not only were you going on without Neal, but you were going on carrying the burden of knowing you hadn’t been able to offer him the comfort of certainty in knowing he had been loved in life and would be grieved in death. “I never got to tell him I love him.”

The mere look that Peter gave you in response would have broken your heart if it hadn’t already been lying shattered somewhere between your stomach and the floor. It was as if he were imagining for himself not getting to tell Elizabeth how he felt, or worse, imagining how alone or afraid she might feel if she didn’t know there were somebody fighting for her and remembering her every day.

Sobs would come any moment now. Your throat was tighter than a string on a violin, and any minute you’d stop being able to breathe. In, out, you reminded yourself. Keep it together just a moment more. And then another moment after that. You couldn’t break down until you were alone. You didn’t know why you couldn’t break in front of Neal’s family, but didn’t have the energy to question it, either, not when you barely had the energy not to scream and weep into your hands.

“He knew.” Mozzie’s words were quiet but startling and said with all the confidence of Neal himself. “You didn’t have to say it.”

“But he deserved to hear.” Knowing it and hearing it were different games and Neal, for all his faults, deserved to hear it, too. “He deserved to come home. I don’t…” You lost your train of thought. Why were you talking about yourself when you weren’t the one whose brilliant life had been stolen? After a small shake of your head, you sniffed and shakily breathed out. “We had an entire future. And now there’s nothing left.”

You could see it passing in your imagination, all the little milestones that you’d come to anticipate. Content days at home, interspersed with adventures to his favorite places around the world, marked by marriage and birthdays and achievements and anniversaries. You’d never articulated them out loud, never even realized fully that you’d started to await those days, but now you saw them vanishing and you realized not only were you having to grieve for the best man you’d ever known, but you’d also have to grieve for the missed experiences and joys that he had lost, and the shared life that you had to give up on, as well.

Mozzie finally looked up to you and you noticed that his eyes were puffy and red behind his glasses. You didn’t even know someone could cry that silently. “The best thing about the future,” he quoted, slow and weighty, probably to keep his own voice level. “Is that it comes one day at a time.”

The comfort was meaningless to you. One day at a time was worthwhile when it was endless days of love and companionship. When that was gone, it was just day after day of being adrift with nothing to hold onto.

You sniffed again and replied in a surprisingly even voice, “My future is laying in the morgue.”

~Future~

Leaving Y/N was one of the hardest things Mozzie had ever done, and he had a lot of challenges and dubious decisions in his past. Leaving her to wallow and suffer rubbed him in every wrong way possible, except for the one where it meant – at least for now – that she would be safe. He didn’t think, if he stayed, that he would be able to hold back from blurting out the truth. He couldn’t even look at her for fear of spilling. Not once her tears started. He couldn’t watch his friend, and his best friend’s love at that, weep with agony she didn’t need to feel.

Neal begged to differ, though Mozzie knew that it tore his heart in two to hear her voice over the long-distance connection. When Mozzie was sure the suit was out of earshot, and that Y/N and June had both stayed inside, he lifted his phone from his pocket and breathed heavily in the cold December air that seemed to burn his lungs.

“Did you hear all that?” He asked, impressively steady and managing to get his criticism and support across with his tone simultaneously.

He took off his glasses, thankful Neal couldn’t see that he, too, needed to wipe his eyes dry. Alive was good. Alive but far away and unreachable – at least for the foreseeable future – was still painful.

“I did,” Neal confirmed, voice and heart both heavy somewhere at least a thousand miles away. “I wish…” Neal trailed off, and Mozzie wholly believed that he also needed a moment to compose himself. Why either of them bothered pretending not to cry, he didn’t understand, but they had already dedicated themselves to the farce. “She’s safer this way. If she looks for me, we’re all in danger.”

“If you let this go on, she will never forgive you.” Mozzie warned, thinking about the broken look on your face. It had been like watching a dropped plate shatter in slow motion to see the cracks begin to appear before your very spirit seemed to splinter. Then he thought about how desperately you wished Neal knew you loved him, and he thought maybe there was a chance that desperate love would override the anger. He amended, “Or, if she does, it’ll never be the same.”

“I know.” Neal agreed readily but with a quiver to his voice. “I want to come home, but not if it means visiting her grave.”

“The cautious way it is.” Mozzie put his glasses back on his face, bravely shoring up his willpower. “I can’t know where you are, and she can’t know you’re out there.”

“Keep an eye on her for me.”His voice was full of sorrow and longing.

“Of course.” Neal didn’t even need to ask. If there came a time when the Panthers were dealt with and Neal could – well, if not return home, at least be reunited with Y/N somewhere without an extradition treaty, Mozzie would be the first to set it in motion. “Be well, mon frére.”

“You, too, Moz.”

The line went dead.

~Future~

Approximately four thousand miles away, on a windy beach, Neal stood barefoot in the dark, watching the light from the moon reflect off the choppy, shallow surf. The breeze drifted through his hair and bit across his face with the sting of northern weather.

He looked down at the open phone in his hand, fighting every feeling in him to turn it back on and beg Mozzie to take the phone back up to his former penthouse. Or, worse, to turn his whole body around and get on a ferry to the mainland, and fly back to New York as fast as possible to hold you in his arms. The heartbreak in your voice had been almost too much for him to bear. It would have been, if not for his terror of being reckless and selfish and letting you pay the price.

He had known you loved him, and because he loved you so unbelievably much in return, he couldn’t go home. Not yet. He would work on it from afar, where no one knew he was breathing, much less could trace him back to his darling. One day, if he were incredibly lucky, he could come home and you would still have space for him in your heart and mind. For now, he would have to settle on replaying your words in his head.

I love you, too.

Neal hurled the phone out into the ocean.

#white collar #white collar x reader #lawmen and conmen #neal caffrey #neal caffrey x reader #fanfic #fic #oneshot #future #hurt #angst #sad #requested #drama

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zintranslations · 4 years ago

Text

Kaleidoscope of Death, Ch. 119

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu Link to Chinese / Novel Updates

Chapter 119: Real Life

There were a total of eight chests in the kitchen. Xiao Ji had opened three, and Xiao Mei had opened three. There were two left.

Lin Qiushi went and gave these two chests a listen, confirming that one chest had something inside and the other was empty.

After the contents of the chests were confirmed, things got a lot easier. Lin Qiushi opened the empty chest and made sure the tunnel wasn't inside. Then beside him, Ruan Nanzhu used the wooden stake in his hands on the other chest. He stabbed the stake straight through the top of the chest and then used a dining room stool as a hammer, pounding the stake in inch by inch.

Following the stake's puncturing, an awful scream came from inside the chest. Large quantities of bright red blood seeped forth from the top, soaking the black wood through.

This was a cry they'd heard many times before—the cry of the Hako Onna. It was just that this time, her crying felt somewhat more wretched. Those standing around the chest listened on, silent and numb.

They were already used to death. Facing the Hako Onna once more, their senses of fright had already been sanded down flat. Luck was too large a component of this game; had they not been able to find the wooden stake, or had they not met the self-sacrificing Xiao Mei, this matter likely would've involved a lot more twists and turns, as well as several more victims.

Compared to when they first came in, there was more exhaustion on everybody's faces.

Ruan Nanzhu held Lin Qiushi's hand and stood in front of the wooden chest, listening as the cries inside got weaker and weaker.

"Who's opening it?" Sun Yuanzhou's companion asked once the crying died down.

"I'll do it," Sun Yuanzhou said. "We've been under your care these past few days."

He obviously had some lifesaver item as well. Had Ruan Nanzhu not expended the Hako Onna's power cards, more people likely would've died.

He took a step forward and grabbed hold of the chest. With a light application of force, he lifted the lid.

When he did so everybody held their breaths, but it was about as they expected—the Hako Onna inside the chest had disappeared, leaving behind only a puddle of blood. Behind the blood was a dark cavity, and at the bottom of that cavity there was a long set of stairs leading off into the distance.

The group entered the tunnel and followed the stairs all the way down.

Finally, at the end of the stairs, they saw a black metal door.

Ruan Nanzhu brought out the key, stepped forward, and opened the door. After it opened, he picked up the fallen hint slip.

And so the tenth door ended just like that. Both Ruan Nanzhu and Lin Qiushi got out safely and took the tenth door's hint slip with them.

Before taking off, Sun Yuanzhou tactfully expressed to Ruan Nanzhu a desire to work with them again.

Ruan Nanzhu was noncommittal and only took down his contact information. After that, he and Lin Qiushi followed that glowing tunnel into the real world.

Coming back to reality and getting to breathe this air again, Lin Qiushi once again felt the beauty of being alive. He rushed up the stairs, only to find Ruan Nanzhu standing at the other end like he'd just been ready to come down.

Then the two wordlessly caught each other in a hug, taking in the heat that emanated from each other's bodies. Only this way could they be certain that they'd survived the door.

Cheng Qianli just happened to be passing by, and when he saw the two wrapped around each other, he could only swallow the dog food and mutter about how it was the middle of the day, and he was a minor, could you guys please check yourselves.

Ruan Nanzhu shot him a glare and Cheng Qianli scampered away.

"Did you get the hint?" Lin Qiushi asked Ruan Nanzhu.

"I got it," Ruan Nanzhu answered.

"How does it compare to the one you got last time?"

Ruan Nanzhu thought for a moment and, without answering, took the hint slip from his pocket to hand to Lin Qiushi. Lin Qiushi took the hint and read the words on it, expression turning into one of consternation. On the tiny paper hint slip, there were only two words written: No Solution.

"How could this be?!" Lin Qiushi asked, stunned.

From the first through tenth door, the hint that each door offered provided them with some information. But the hint to the eleventh door was somehow "no solution."

He glanced up at Ruan Nanzhu. "The one you got before is the same?"

"Mh," Ruan Nanzhu nodded.

This was why he went through the tenth door again, because the hint he'd gotten last time was utterly useless and wasn't of any help at all.

The eleventh door did not provide them with a hint for use; the hint slip this time proved it hadn't been an anomaly.

Looking at the hint, Lin Qiushi's heart sank. But after some thought, he told Ruan Nanzhu: "That's okay. As long as I'm with you, I don’t feel so scared."

Ruan Nanzhu couldn't help but grin, pressing a kiss to Lin Qiushi's forehead.

Though the eleventh door's hint slip was a heavy weight to bear, they had to go on living.

That night, Lin Qiushi saw a piece of news on the television. It said that there had been a serious car accident downtown, and that a bus carrying more than a dozen people drove right off the bridge, resulting in six deaths and over twenty injuries.

In the list of fatalities, Lin Qiushi saw a young man named Li Bomei. It reminded him of something, and he let out a soft breath.

At least Xiao Mei and her lover had one last chance to say goodbye. In reality, they could hold each other and die happy. They might have even been able to give each other one gentle kiss, and make promises for the next life.

Ruan Nanzhu understood as well, but he picked up the remote and changed the channel.

"It's always worse to be the one left behind," Lin Qiushi said. "It's much better if they could leave together."

"It's hard to let that happen though," Ruan Nanzhu said. It was hard to let a lover die; you only hoped he could live on happily.

Lin Qiushi turned around to look at him.

"Then have you thought of the fact that once you come out, you have to face your lover leaving a second time?" And you had to see him die right in front of you. That was surely a bit too cruel.

"True."

Though Ruan Nanzhu's voice was faint, he agreed with what Lin Qiushi said.

There was a long time still between the tenth and the eleventh doors. They didn't have to be in a hurry.

But in a few more months, Cheng Yixie and Cheng Qianli would be going into their tenth door.

That was why in this period of time, Lin Qiushi basically didn't see the twins at all. It seemed that Cheng Yixie was taking Cheng Qianli through a crazy amount of doors, so many that Cheng Yixie nearly lost his mind.

"Uwaaa why me," Cheng Qianli wept in complaint to Lin Qiushi. "My brother's taking me through a door every three days, I really can't take it anymore!"

Lin Qiushi watched him in sympathy.

"Go on, don't worry about it. I'll take care of Toast for you," he said while he petted Toast's fat little butt.

Cheng Qianli had more to say, but Cheng Yixie came and whisked him away. Watching these brothers, Lin Qiushi thought this was quite funny.

Due to Ruan Nanzhu's presence, Obsidian had always commanded high prices and huge quantities of commissions. Countless people wanted to hire Ruan Nanzhu to take them through their doors.

Gu Longming contacted Lin Qiushi over the internet with a tactful message about how he would like to join Obsidian.

Once Lin Qiushi received Gu Longming's intentions, he went and spoke to Ruan Nanzhu about it.

"What are your thoughts?" Ruan Nanzhu asked Lin Qiushi.

"I think he's got a lot of potential." Lin Qiushi spoke his assessment of Gu Longming. "He's a good seed."

Ruan Nanzhu gave it some thought.

"When's his sixth door?"

"The beginning of next year, I think." Lin Qiushi made some simple calculations. "It should be around new years exactly."

"Don't give him an answer yet," Ruan Nanzhu said. "I want to meet him inside the doors first."

It wouldn't be too late to bring Gu Longming into Obsidian after he made certain Gu Longming had the qualifications. Not just anyone could join Obsidian, after all.

For a while, the mansion stayed busy. Those who did gigs did their gigs and those who trained trained. Only Lin Qiushi had absolutely nothing to do. At first he'd wanted to take some jobs from the forum, but Ruan Nanzhu had stopped him, telling him to wait until after the new year to take jobs. He ought to take this time to rest and replenish his spirits.

When December came, the weather grew cold. A snowstorm came about ten days in.

The heater was on inside the mansion, and Lin Qiushi was curled up on the couch, nodding off.

He didn't know where Ruan Nanzhu had gone off too. Ruan Nanzhu had been busy recently. It seemed to have something to do with White Deer.

Zhuang Rujiao returned to the mansion with snowflakes on her shoulders and hair. When Lin Qiushi heard noise, he looked up, saw her covered in snow, and asked, "you didn't bring an umbrella?"

"I didn't think it'd snow," Zhuang Rujiao said.

At this point, Lin Qiushi could see no hint of Xia Rubei on Zhuang Rujiao still. That cute, innocent scaredy-cat of a girl seemed to have been an illusion; only the woman before him now with the distant eyes was real.

"Something's happened at White Deer," Zhuang Rujiao spoke as she wiped her hair with a towel. "Jin Yurui is dead."

She announced Jin Yurui's death like she was talking about a matter of no importance at all.

Jin Yurui was the one who took over as White Deer's leader after Li Dongyuan's death. Lin Qiushi had only met her once before, and didn't think that she'd be gone not so long after.

"Because of a door?" Lin Qiushi asked.

"Mh," Zhuang Rujiao said. "I'm leaving." She picked up the hot tea on the table, taking a slow and neat sip. "I'll be the leader over at White Deer."

Lin Qiushi: "Can you do it?"

Zhuang Rujiao laughed: "I've got to, even if I can't. You have Ruan Nanzhu to protect you. The one protecting me is gone."

Lin Qiushi was silent.

"I really do envy you two. If I'd been able to become like you sooner, then he might not be dead." Zhuang Rujiao was talking about Li Dongyuan. "But the world never does sell medicine for regrets. I've been in your care these past months, thank you."

Though she'd lived at Obsidian for a while, she'd never truly become part of the group. Clearly, she'd anticipated leaving one day.

Lin Qiushi: "I hope everything goes well."

"Mh," Zhuang Rujiao said. "I'll take your well wishes."

After that, she went upstairs to pack up her stuff. Lin Qiushi went to the doorway and saw through the french windows that Ruan Nanzhu was back as well. Ruan Nanzhu wasn't coming inside though, only stood silently by the car at the front door.

White snowflakes fell on his raven-black hair, and his dark eyes were looking slightly down. His pretty lips were pressed together in a thin, taut line.

Lin Qiushi called out: "Ruan Nanzhu."

Ruan Nanzhu glanced up, and the corners of his mouth flicked up just for Lin Qiushi. Smiling sentiment tinted his eyes—nothing too strong, but plenty enough to warm Lin Qiushi's chest.

Lin Qiushi fetched an umbrella from the side of the door and went outside, opening it beside Ruan Nanzhu.

"Why don't you have an umbrella?"

Snow in the south was different from snow in the north; once fallen, it melted easily on a person. Ruan Nanzhu's shoulders and hair, therefore, all bore traces of wetness.

Ruan Nanzhu: "I forgot."

Lin Qiushi: "Are you driving her there?"

"Mh," Ruan Nanzhu nodded.

"What's the situation like at White Deer?" Lin Qiushi felt that things weren't actually so simple.

"Not great," Ruan Nanzhu said. "I'm not sure if she'll be able to hold it down."

Changing leaders twice in a row was not a good thing for White Deer. Had it been the Zhuang Rujiao of the past, then Ruan Nanzhu would definitely have not agreed to let her go. Now, however, Ruan Nanzhu chose to respect Zhuang Rujiao's wishes. Though Li Dongyuan wanted Zhuang Rujiao to live on well, did this sort of living at some point become a kind of torment?

This was a lesson that Lin Qiushi had taught Ruan Nanzhu, at least.

Zhuang Rujiao quickly packed up her stuff and came out. She did not have much with her; whether coming or going, she seemed like just a passerby.

"Safe travels," Lin Qiushi said to her.

"Thank you," Zhuang Rujiao replied, getting into Ruan Nanzhu's car.

So Lin Qiushi stood under the umbrella and watched as the car disappeared into the snowy distance.

This was the last time he'd see Zhuang Rujiao. Later, he'd learn from Ruan Nanzhu that Zhuang Rujiao did manage to hold White Deer down. She'd perfectly inherit Li Dongyuan's legacy.

"Did she kill Jin Yurui?" Lin Qiushi would ask Ruan Nanzhu when the time came.

"I don't know," Ruan Nanzhu would say. "I'm not sure, so I can't say either way. However, Jin Yurui did fail in a door that she and Zhuang Rujiao were passing together."

"Oh," Lin Qiushi said. "Then how did Li Dongyuan die?"

"Zhuang Rujiao says it has something to do with Jin Yurui. As for the truth, I don't know that either."

"Oh."

Not long after Zhuang Rujiao left, the new year came around. But because Cheng Yixie and Cheng Qianli were entering a door after the new year, they didn't go very over-the-top with this year's celebrations. The twins who usually headed home didn't go this time either, instead seizing the time to train on more doors.

Gu Longming's sixth door would be after the new year, around the tenth or so. When he learned that Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu were going into his sixth door with him, he was naturally ecstatic.

But Ruan Nanzhu still made it clear to him that they could not be protecting Gu Longming this time, nor could they make any guarantees about Gu Longming's survival, so Gu Longming should prepare himself for any incidents. Reading between the lines, he was basically telling Gu Longming to prepare a will, in case when the time came he’d come out the door, die, and have nothing arranged.

Gu Longming was shocked by how blunt this girl Zhu Meng was, and said Linlin ah, is this your girlfriend?

Lin Qiushi thought for a bit before answering yeah.

Gu Longming: "She's going in with us this time?"

Lin Qiushi: "Yes."

Gu Longming: "Is she good then?"

Lin Qiushi: "Better than me."

Gu Longming nodded, thinking that if she was better than Lin Qiushi, then she really must be amazing. And so he grew much happier.

As for the sixth door's hint, Ruan Nanzhu would be providing it. It was still being selected, and Lin Qiushi wasn't too worried.

The few days around the new year, the mansion was particularly lively.

Cheng Qianli finally got a couple of days off from Cheng Yixie, brazenly dragging Lin Qiushi with him to buy a bunch of fireworks in secret.

Lin Qiushi said, "but isn't it illegal to set off fireworks in this city?"

"We're the suburbs, sub-urban! Nobody cares."

Lin Qiushi looked at him in doubt.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Cheng Qianli put on a pitiful face. "I've only got this one hobby, can't you indulge me a little bit?"

"Fine fine fine, I'll indulge you."

Then the two found a clearing to start lighting fireworks. Everybody else from the mansion watched from afar, and Lin Qiushi called, "come over and join us."

"That’s for kids," Chen Fei said. "Us adults couldn't possibly join you."

Lin Qiushi, "…"

Forget Chen Fei. Even Cheng Yixie beside him had the same sort of expression, the you guys are so childish I don't even want to speak to you kind of look.

Lin Qiushi glanced at Cheng Qianli grinning like a fool beside him and didn't know what to say for a whole minute.

But foolish Cheng Qianli didn't seem to know he was being judged, cackling with his butt stuck out as he lit the fireworks. He watched the fireworks shoot up off the ground and explode open in the night sky, bursting out into laughter.

"It's so pretty." His eyes curved up, grinning like a kid, pupils dyed the fireworks' rich colors.

Lin Qiushi looked over at Ruan Nanzhu, standing far away. Their gazes met, and saw a smile in each other's eyes.

But these smiles only lasted a few seconds before disappearing, because there came the sound of police sirens from the distance.

"Oh shit, run!!" Yi Manman roared. "If we're caught we'll be fined!"

So the group took off, Cheng Qianli darting and leaping like a rabbit. Lu Yanxue, who ran the slowest, was stomping her feet by the end, cursing, "if I'd known I wouldn't have worn heels today!"

They were quick to escape, and luckily did not get caught. They all got back into the mansion, laughing in living room, and Cheng Qianli still had the nerve to pout, complaining that the police came too quickly, he still had a bunch he hadn't lit yet!

"I told you not to get the rocket fireworks, but you wouldn't listen," Chen Fei said. "And look what's happened now."

Cheng Qianli's dream of beautiful fireworks was completely destroyed. The group cooked up the dumplings they’d prepared before and ate while they chatted, passing this lively new year's eve together.

After the countdown, Lin Qiushi snuck into Ruan Nanzhu's room, and the two slept in the same bed all evening.

This was the happiest new year's eve that Lin Qiushi had ever had. Last year, he hadn't been too familiar with Obsidian, but this year, he'd basically made it his home.

Ruan Nanzhu slept on his side with a hand on Lin Qiushi's waist, breaths hitting Lin Qiushi's neck.

It didn't take long for Lin Qiushi to grow sleepy, the two sinking into deep slumber.

The next morning, there were new guests at the mansion. Lin Qiushi first thought it was another organization, but when he went downstairs to look, he found that it was Cheng Yixie and Cheng Qianli's parents.

They'd brought with them a bunch of local specialties, and were passing them out with big smiles.

Lin Qiushi had heard about his parents from Cheng Qianli before, and that they didn't really know what their sons were doing. Cheng Yixie had lied and told them that they treated hereditary diseases here, but as for how they did so, he'd never told them in detail.

But for a once-hopeless family, the method no longer mattered. Tacitly, the parents didn't ask more questions—as long as their kids could survive, whatever the method, it didn't matter at all.

Cheng Qianli spotted Lin Qiushi standing in the second-floor hallway and waved him over, calling, "Qiushi, come down! My parents brought you a present!"

Lin Qiushi went downstairs and greeted Cheng Qianli's parents. Cheng Qianli stuffed a giant bag of candy into his arms.

"You like candy, don't you? My parents got these just for you."

Lin Qiushi thanked them with sincerity, but the father only gave him a smile filled with gratitude, saying his son's been in their care.

After that they all ate lunch together. Chen Fei had wanted to keep them here for a few more days, but the parents were staunch about still having things to do, so they had to leave first.

Cheng Yixie wanted to say something, but in the end, didn't try to keep them.

"Do they know?"

After they left, Lin Qiushi asked Cheng Yixie this.

"Probably not," Cheng Yixie said. "They seem to think we're doing something bad." Then, after a beat of silence, "but they also don't stop me or anything."

To a mother and father, the survival of their children was the biggest blessing, particularly for a pair of terminally ill twins. It was hard to imagine the sort of difficulty they’d faced when they thought they were losing both of their kids at once.

"Mh," Lin Qiushi said. "Maybe you can explain it to them."

"I have. They don't really believe it." Cheng Yixie glanced at the mansion. "But they should be less worried this time."

"Do they come often?" Lin Qiushi asked.

"Rarely," Cheng Yixie said. "This is the second time."

The first time was when Cheng Yixie brought Cheng Qianli over. Cheng Qianli had been just a kid then, passing his first door on luck and calling his brother in tears. Cheng Yixie rushed home overnight to take his little brother away with him. When his mother had learned what he wanted to do, her gaze had been filled with melancholy. But she hadn't stopped him, asking only: "Can Qianli really survive?"

Cheng Yixie had answered: "I'll do my best."

After that, she never asked again.

Cheng Qianli, who should've died years ago, was still alive and well; Cheng Yixie had kept his promise. He'd gotten that foolish brother of his past the torment of their sickness and made sure he lived on in health.

[Ch. 118] | [Ch. 120]

#kaleidoscope of death #xi zixu #cnovel #chinese translation #死亡萬花筒 #skjdfnsd the first time i read the novel and i got to this chapter ending i was like #UM UH OH EXCUSE ME DON'T YOU DARE MA'AM DON'T YOU DARE #but listen #my son's back next chapter so we're all winners here #get ready for rotten fish seasickness and claustrophobia #also badass LQS #also RNZ meeting GLM hahahahahahahahhahaa #but i'm being sent offsite for work for two days so there might not be a chapter update tomorrow #TTTT

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pearl-blue-musings · 4 years ago

Text

Never Been Kissed: EraserMic

HI WELCOME TO SAD BOI HOURS

so i didn’t technically have an idea for them but yall know how the brain be sometimes....

This will be longer than some of the other ones because SAD and gets a little steamy at the end so I might make a smutty part to get better at writing smut who knows

Warnings: language, suggestive content, 18+ to be safe, also angst whoops

Pairing: EraserMic x fem!reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To say you were surprised is an understatement. You figured your two best friends wouldn’t be spending their New Years Eve with you in your lonely apartment eating pizza and watching crazy countdown shows.

And yet, here you were. Snuggled in between them with your head on the stoic and quiet dark haired man, laughing at whatever joke the loud blond squawked during a commercial break. To you, this was bliss; just a woman with her two male best friends.

Two best friends who were in love with each other and had been for awhile.

Two best friends that you were also in love with.

But you did as you normally do: squash them down into nothingness, trapping them in a locked box with no means of finding the key.

You had met the duo as a transfer student in your third year at U.A. Since Hizashi was better with English, he was your guide and helper for the first couple of weeks helping you get adjusted to life and catching you up on things you might’ve missed. You can never forget the way his eyes lit up at you upon first glance. His presence was overwhelming but nary in a bad way. He was overwhelmingly sweet and patient with you, despite his enormous personality.

In time you met Aizawa, his counterpart, the Yin to his Yang. Where Hizashi was large, he was small. Where Aizawa would ponder his thoughts, the blond would blurt them out. They really were perfect together and somehow you had entered into their perfect world.

It was no wonder you had developed feelings and fast.

They welcomed you when no one would. Looked after you when you were stressed, the butt of a joke, or were missing home. They were always there, always by your side.

So why did it hurt so much when you found them together?

You hadn’t meant to arrive at his house early for your study session, but you were in such a good mood! Were you thinking of confessing? Maybe. But that all went away when you turned the corner too early. There they were, your two best friends kissing in the most passionate way imaginable.

And you just watched.

How had you not known? Of course you had known, they were perfect for each other. All you did was complicate the narrative of their life. You knew about the friend they had lost almost a year ago so you understood their close ties even more now. They found solace in each other. And who were you? Some new foreign transfer student stupidly and hopelessly in love with the two guys who gave you attention and the time of day?

You only watched seconds longer for them to break apart and then peck each other on the lips again. You hear Hizashi whisper, “Do you think we should tell her?”

Aizawa sigh’s, “Only if you want to. I know how much you care about her.”

You didn’t dare listen to the rest of their conversation as you turned heel and ran. Tears beginning to cloud your vision as you run back to your place. Once you got your breath and quirk under control, you had sent them both a text saying that something had come up. For now, it was enough for them and for you.

You began to avoid them for a few weeks, forcing yourself to move on and bury your feelings deeper. You had resided to being the third wheel, the one that’s always left out, the black sheep, the odd one out; as if that hadn’t been your life before so it wasn’t anything new. What had shocked you one day as the lunch bell rang, was a pale hand grabbing onto your uniform.

“Hizashi is worried about you.”

You couldn’t meet his gaze.

“I’m worried about you. You’ve been avoiding us.”

You conjure up a quick lie that doesn’t get past the observant student. “Sorry, I’ve been really try to focus more on school and graduation and trying to find my own identity. Having to make up internship time while getting a provisional license has taken up most of my time.”

Aizawa was unconvinced but played along. “I get it. Talk to us when you can, okay?”

You only nod and kept your head down to avoid his knowing gaze. You had walked away just in time for a tear to fall, and for you to run into the other person from the dynamic duo.

“You’re lying to us, princess,” Hizashi says surprisingly low. “What’s wrong?”

Soon you were joined by his partner and had both of them boring into you. Well it was better tell a half truth, not like they needed to know.

“Sorry you guys,” you mumble. “I’ve been really stressed with all i have to do to graduate with you all. I didn’t wanna burden you with that.”

And my unresolved feelings

“Is that all?! You had us worried sick! Don’t keep us out like that okay? Ya dig?”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread onto your lips at his usual language. “Yeah,” you giggle, “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll tell you two everything.”

“Speaking of truths,” Aizawa interrupts, “there’s something we’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“You’re dating, I know. I wanted to give you two space so...”

Lime green eyes widen and his jaw dropped. “You knew?! Is it that obvious??”

You full on laughed at that. “It kinda is. You two are perfect for each other.”

Ever since the unveiling of particular truths the three of you were always close. You didn’t always feel like a third wheel to their relationship but all of you were open books to each other. Except about your feelings; that is a secret you are willing to take to your grave.

It was only ten minutes until midnight and the drinks had finally slowed from their free flowing. The three of you enjoyed a couple drinking games of watching the different countdowns and by this point, you were drunk. You had noticed the time and lifted your head from Shouta’s shoulder and began to get up.

“Hey you, why are you moving?”

You had paused and were halfway standing when those almond eyes bore into yours. “Oh, well it’s, it’s almost midnight. Ion wanna get in the way of your kiss so I’ll, I will move.”

The couple exchange a glance, a look on their faces one you had never seen before then back to you. You don’t pick up on it and continue to stand.

“(Y/n)...it’s a stupid thing it doesn’t-”

“I’ll get the champagne. Sham. Pain. Sham pahgney. Wait there.”

The two men on the floor remain in their same spots. Hizashi trying not to chortle too much at your pronouncing of champagne and Aizawa trying to figure your mood. He never thought anything was awkward between the three of you, but lately it had begun to be. He’d find himself wondering what you were doing or how it would be nice to cuddle you in his sleeping bag. Even Hizashi doesn’t get sleeping bag rights.

And Hizashi can act aloof and unaware, but he’s been having urges for you in a way that he thought he had gotten rid of. He had told Shouta back in U.A. but the first time he saw you he wanted to believe in love at first sight but he was already with him by then. Why? He already loved someone, why did he still feel incomplete?

As much as they loved you showering them in compliments that they were perfect for each other, the couple had always felt empty. But that feeling would change when you were around. How were they to tell you how they really felt? It should be obvious how much they care and love you, they each cancelled their radio show and patrol for the evening to be with you. Why couldn’t you see?

You had returned with three champagne flutes filled with the golden bubbly drink. You frown a little that they hadn’t moved, so you sat down and handed them their drinks. The only sound that was heard between the trio was the announcement of the final five minutes of the year. You rested your head against the couch and deeply exhaled.

“(Y/n),” Shouta starts, “are you okay?”

“Yeah dove! It looks like you were crying! Talk to us!”

Your head quickly snaps up and you take your empty hand to touch your face. Fuck, you had been crying. When did that happen?

“Oh you two,” you sniffle out while wiping your face. “It’s nothing, nothing! I was remembering my, uh, ex and how we were supposed to kiss at midnight and I guess I got sad. It’s nothing.”

“He wasn’t worth your time, ya dig? You’re beautiful!”

“You can do better. He didn’t treat you right.”

It seems that they both spoke at the same time, making the three of you break into laughter. But once you take in their words, you begin to sober up slightly. Did they really mean it? There’s no way, you need to keep those feelings locked up. Suddenly the flood works were opened.

Hizashi is the first to wrap an arm around you. “(Y/n) princess. Talk to us.”

Lock it up, bury it deeper.

“Like I said, my ex. I was finally going to get my New Years kiss but it’s not gonna happen.”

Throw away the key.

“Dumb right? I’ve never had a New Years kiss and that’s what’s got me so upset.”

They can never know.

And now there’s only 30 seconds left of the year and you’ve already come up with a resolution. Let them go. Let go of your feelings for your two best friends. You had started that resolution earlier in the year with a new boyfriend but he had dumped you at the beginning of December. He claimed that your heart wasn’t in it and that you didn’t love him. You did, you just happened to love two other men too. That’s how it is.

“It’s not dumb, Kitten. You have a right to be sad.”

The timer began to dwindle from 10. You hadn’t realized how your tears were being wiped away from both sides of your face. All three of you had abandoned your drinks in exchange for this moment. Your cheeks were warm but not from the alcohol. You began to smell two distinct scents overcoming you as you began to feel them come closer into your space.

Don’t let them know, and let them go.

“Happy New Year!”

You had barely heard the announcer say those words when you felt two sets of lips on your cheeks. This is all you had ever wanted but you couldn’t stop crying when they didn’t stop touching and caressing you.

“Please stop,” you whimper out as you feel yourself being pulled in one direction.

You meet lime green irises as he holds your chin. “No, we won’t. Fuck, can’t you see how much we love you?” The blond silences your rebuttal by kissing your lips in a way you had only dreamed of. A different set of hands had rested themselves underneath you sweater and was feeling all of your skin, reaching the front of your bra.

When you part for air panting, your eyebrows furrow. “I don’t, I don’t understand. Please don’t hurt me anymore. I, I mean... How long have you known?”

You’re turned around to face Shouta and his dilated pupils. “We’ve always known about our feelings for you. We were waiting for you to see how much we love you.” He pecks your lips lightly.

“You love me?”

Their words and actions are incredible to you right now. But you can’t think clearly as Aizawa cups your face to clear it of more tears as he affectionately places his lips on yours, kissing some of your tears and hurt away.

Aizawa nods into your kiss and pulls back, noticing a string of saliva connecting your plump lips to his. “We have, for a while now.”

“We realized our feelings for you a year after we had all graduated,” Hizashi intercepts. He takes the two of you up onto the couch and places you in his lap comfortably. “Well, I knew I liked you from the moment I met you! And I think for Shou it was when you didn’t speak to us for a few weeks. But then,” he stops to kiss your cheek and then trail down to the corner of your lips, “after you had gotten hurt as a sidekick and were severely injured,” his hand draws circles on your thigh, “we realized we didn’t know what to do if you weren’t around, ya know?” He finishes with a kiss.

You pull away, “But that was five years ago?” You feel the couch dip behind you as Aizawa takes your free hand and interlocks it with his, giving you comforting rubs. But he also takes your hands closer to his crotch. He’s hard? “You kept dating shitty guys.”

“Yeah! To try to get over you!” You cover your face in your hands as you begin to remember the people you had dated and how they didn’t compare to the two men beside you right now. You didn’t want to admit it, but you were starting to get the feeling that they had some more plans in mind for your new year start, considering one was already hard and the other hadn’t stopped touching you. The touches went from friendly to lust filled in mere seconds.

“Listener, baby girl I gotta know. Why did you really stop talking to us back then?” the blond pinches your thigh and moves his hand closer and closer to your heat making your heart beat race.

“I, hah, I caught you two.”

The pair stops and looks to you.

“Kissing. Before one of our study sessions. I was heartbroken. I overheard part of the conversation but I ran away crying.”

Aizawa catches your neck and you end up meeting his lips again, as another pair trail up and down your neck. “Kitten, if you had staid longer you would have heard us talk about maybe opening it up to you. It was his idea since he caught feels first.”

The man at your neck whines and bites down, eliciting a moan from you as he pouts at his lover. “Don’t put this on me! You wanted to include her too but you were too chicken to admit your feelings.”

“Guys...”

Aizawa runs his hand down to your ass and gives it a tight squeeze. Your lips involuntarily open and he prods his tongue inside your mouth. Your hands find purchase in his shirt, finding some sort of stability. From how this was going, you weren’t going to be able to walk tomorrow.

Both men look up to you with love in their eyes and hearts and you smile fondly at them both.

“(Y/n),” Hizashi breathes, “we love you so much.”

“I love you guys too.”

Aizawa grunts and mumbles out,

“Let us show you how much we love you, okay Kitten?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@cupcake-rogue

#my writing #i did the thing #never been kissed #erasermic #erasermic x reader #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #hizashi yamada x reader #yamada hizashi x reader #hizashi yamada #present mic x reader #eraserhead x reader #bnha x reader #bnha reader insert #mha x reader #present mic x fem!reader #aizawa x female reader #erasermic x fem!reader

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pascalpanic · 4 years ago

Text

Caffeine Rush: Chapter Four / Irish Coffee

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!Reader

W/C: 3k

Warnings: alcohol, language, sexual harassment, physical fighting, Javi is a legend for this chapter/next lmao, reader wears makeup and heels but clothing is otherwise not described

A/N: HI I’m gonna forgo summaries for this series from now on, if anyone has an issue with that pls lmk and we can go back to it, I’m just sick of using like the same summary lmao! Hope you guys like it, idk when chapter 5 will come but somewhat soon!

previous chapter || next chapter || masterlist

Irish coffee: a cocktail consisting of hot coffee, Irish whiskey, and sugar, stirred, and topped with cream. The coffee is drunk through the cream.

Four nights after you first kissed Javier, and now many kisses later, Javier insists he take you to the one place he knows in D.C.: a nice bar in the downtown area. You’d spent the days visiting museums and monuments, giving him a tour of the Georgetown campus too. He’d hum along to the radio in your shitty car while you drove place to place. He surprised you with how much modern music he knew.

If the past four days have been getting to know Javier, privately becoming acquainted with each other’s minds and lips, tonight is some kind of grand exposition. Your brief whirlwind of a romance has been contained to your coffee shop and small restaurants off the beaten path. Javier is a well-connected man; he’s sure to know people downtown. From what he’s explained to you, he’s somewhat of a powerhouse in the DEA. Everyone downtown knows a version of the man, who goes by Agent Peña, but all you know is your Javi, your Javi who kisses you goodnight after buying you cupcakes, who drinks your peppermint mochas like it’s the nectar of the gods.

So, it’s safe to say you’re nervous. If he’s bringing you somewhere where he will know people, which he offhandedly told you, you’re going to be the living legend’s date for the night. As you stare into the mirror, your brow furrows in concentration, drawing a line across your eyelid with a pencil of kohl, your phone rings on the vanity in front of you. It makes you jump and the eye pencil drag upwards across your eyelid- most definitely not where you intended it to go. “Fuck!” you shout in annoyance and toss the pencil down. When you pick up, your voice shows your frustration. “Hello?” You ask sharply.

“Hey, abejita,” a smooth voice answers: who else but Javier.

“Hi, Javi,” you sigh as you press the button, moving the call to the speakerphone. “You made me fuck up my eyeliner.”

“Sorry. Just calling to talk.”

His words make you smile and your ears feel warm as they rush with blood. You aren’t picking him up for another hour. “What, you couldn’t wait that long to talk?” You ask him, biting down on your painted lips with a smile.

“No. I’m bored and I miss you.” It’s true, he thinks to himself. He hasn’t seen you all day. After spending the last three days in nearly 24-hour contact, he misses the sound of your laughter and the way your soft lips feel pressed against his stubbled cheek.

“Well, I suppose it’s been…” you trail off as you calculate, “about 20 hours since I’ve seen you. I”m practically going through withdrawals,” you laugh, and it makes Javier’s chest warm to hear that beautiful sound, even through the tinny receiver of the hotel’s phone. “You know, if you have a cute nickname for me, I need to have something equally cute for you.”

“There’s a difference, abejita,” Javier teases, opening the hotel window to smoke out of. “You’re cute. I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“I am many things, little bee, but I am not cute,” Javier chuckles as he sticks the cigarette between his lips and lights it up.

“Well, I think you are,” you refute in a stubborn tone. “You bought me cupcakes on our first date. That’s cute. You come to my work and bring me treats and kiss me in front of my coworkers. That’s cute too.”

Javier shakes his head. Sure, the things could be classified as cute, he supposes, but they’re not the normal Javier. Sexy, rude, intelligent, any of those words could describe him. He’s a playboy, a heartbreaker, and all in all is, by principle, a lone wolf. Well, he was. He’s been chasing Escobar for years and years… and now he’s dead. Maybe he can allow himself to start anew, and this new beginning has to have you in it.

He takes a slow drag from the cigarette, getting lost in his own thoughts and forgetting to answer. The silence makes you suspicious. “Javi? Did I lose you?”

The words snap him back to reality. “No, I’m here. I’m sorry, I… zoned out there.”

“Good,” you smile as you wipe off the messy eyeliner and apply a new, perfectly winged layer of the dark makeup. “I suppose I’ll just have to see what comes. Nicknames have to be earned, not given. Did you ever have any nicknames when you were little?” You ask as you brush a sparkling powder over your eyes.

Javier thinks for a second, almost to the point where you have to ask again if he’s there. That seems to be Javier’s biggest flaw so far. “No, not really. Sometimes the other kids would call me Peñita. Didn’t like that one,” he chuckles, and you can hear air rush past the microphone as he exhales the smoke into the ever-darkening D.C. sky. “My mom had all kinds of names for me, but they were the things you’d call a little kid.”

You nod, then realize he can’t see you and you need to speak. “That’s cute. Tell me about your parents,” you ask him as you continue to brush various makeup products across your face.

Javier shakes his head. “That’s more of an over-drinks topic, I think.”

“When have you ever held back information from me?” You scoff lightly, as if you’ve known him a thousand years. It hits you as you say it, the whirlwind this entire thing has been. You’ve known Javier for five days, and he’s already everything to you. And he’s going back to Colombia in 3 weeks. It makes your heart sink in your chest, and anxiety creeps in, the realization that he might not be falling as quickly as you are. Maybe it’s time to pull back a little, you tell yourself. He won’t be here long.

“Ha,” he says dryly and takes another drag from his cigarette. “Well, I’m ready when you are, if you want to come get me a little earlier.”

His emotionless tone makes you panic. You wonder if you just went somewhere you shouldn’t have by asking about his parents, if you’ve just crossed some line you didn’t know existed. You desperately want to ask him, to reassure yourself and get rid of the worry slowly collecting in your gut, but you don’t. You can’t. You shouldn’t. “I’m still getting ready,” you tell him, and it’s truthful. “I’ll be there at 7, like we said. Is that alright?” you ask.

Javier blows a breath of smoke into the night, the cloud of smoke mingling with the heat puff of his breath. “Sounds good to me. I’ll leave you alone to get ready,” he tells you with a small smile.

“Alright. I’ll see you then. You’re wearing something nice, right?” You clarify one last time.

“Whatever you wear will be beautiful on you. Don’t worry about it.” Javier, ever the king of flattery, looks down and appraises his own outfit. “But yes, I’m wearing something nice.”

You smile at the reassurance, looking down at the swirling colors of your makeup palette. “Well, thank you. I’ll see you in a bit.” -

You have to say you’re surprised at the level of refinement of the hotel. You’d expected the DEA would’ve put Javier at some shitty little hotel, but it’s surprisingly nice. You remember a few days ago, the sheer terror masked behind a stoic face, but you chuckle as you consider that this famed agent had very few context clue skills. This hotel is nice, a couple of stars at least. Why would they put him here if they were firing him?

Javier stubs out his cigarette in an ashtray when he sees your car approaching, straightening his sport coat. You hold back a grin as he walks over, but the fighting ends when you see him smile as he opens the door and slides in.

“Hi,” you beam at him, and he leans across the center console, stealing a kiss.

“Hey.” He sneaks one more kiss, one that lasts a little longer and dares to use a bit of tongue. He only breaks away when you do with a laugh.

“My foot is on the brake right now; be careful but kiss me one more time,” you ask of him with a grin, and he happily complies, cupping your face and kissing you. When he breaks away, your eyes open slowly and you can’t hold in your happiness. “Alright, now we’re going. You’ll have to guide me,” you tell him, and he nods.

“Sure. You’re just going to go out of here and onto that street to the right,” he says and points the way for you.

Your car follows the path, nodding along to Javier’s instructions. “Jesus, that’s a fancy place. How much does that hotel cost a night?” You marvel as you stare at the gorgeous building in your rearview mirror.

Javier shrugs. “I’m about to find out. They’re only paying for a few nights for me, then I’m on my own. I’m guessing it isn’t cheap,” he chuckles as he looks over his shoulder. “Or I might switch hotels. Don’t know yet.”

Frowning, you take a turn he’d earlier instructed you to follow. The hotel fades from sight, the dark blue of the December night filling your rearview instead. “Well, I know of a place you could stay for way cheaper.”

“Oh yeah?” He asks, adjusting in his seat to face toward you more. “What is that, pretty thing?” He asks, a hand resting on your thigh.

“Stop,” you giggle and rest one hand atop of his. His fingers are much larger than yours, a fact that makes you shudder as his fingertips find bare skin there. “Pretty thing? That’s weak,” you tease, and Javier just rolls his eyes. “I was going to say you could stay with me, but now I’m not sure,” you say teasingly, eyes locked on the road and most certainly off of Javier.

His brow furrows. “Well, I can pay you then.”

You shake your head. “Javi. We’re dating… aren’t we?” You ask, the hesitancy creeping into your voice. Now that you say it aloud, you’re not entirely sure that you are. “I mean, I don’t know, I just kind of thought,” you stumble over your speech, word-vomiting out whatever you can to backtrack.

The man next to you tilts his head, but he nods. “I… I haven’t dated anyone in a long time,” he admits, his fingers starting to slowly grip your thigh rather than rest atop it. “Is this what dating is like to you?”

You nod too, knowing he’s watching you, staring down at the steering wheel. “I… yeah?”

A small smile cracks on his face, making the mustache there twitch softly. “Then I guess I’d say we’re dating. But that doesn’t matter, I don’t want to live in your place rent-free for three weeks.”

“It’s an extended vacation,” you chuckle and bring your hand back to the steering wheel to have two hands for a turn. “Don’t worry about it. I’d like having you around. We’ve already been together nonstop for a couple of days. What’s a little more?” You ask as you look over at him, seeing his eyes soften and his forehead relax from its tightened state. “And besides, any hotel is going to be painfully expensive right now. D.C. during the holidays makes the hotel rates skyrocket.”

He nods as you speak, processing the idea. “Well, do you have a guest room? I don’t want to invade your space, I can sleep on the couch if you don’t, or I can stay in a hotel.”

“Javier,” you chuckle, putting your own hand on his thigh to reassure him. “We’re not moving in together permanently. You’ll stay with me until you need to go back to Colombia, and that’s that.” Your mind has been made up. He can’t argue it, and he knows it from the firmness in your grip on his leg, in the way your body goes rigid as if the words are some formal deal that requires a handshake.

“How do you know I’m not some serial killer who does exactly this to lure you to your death?” Javier asks dryly as he looks over at you, lifting a hand to trace the side of your face slowly.

“Because you’re Javier Peña. Your name was in the newspaper next to Steve’s. You work for the DEA.”

“Some of the guys I work with could definitely be serial killers, that doesn’t discount anything,” Javier grumbles, which makes you laugh and makes him even grumpier.

“The fact that you said that to me in the first place is my proof, Javi,” you chuckle and pat his thigh softly. “I’m an excellent judge of character. I just graduated from 7 straight years of studying psychology. Remember that?” Javier’s quiet and you know you’ve won. “Then tonight we’ll get your stuff after dinner and get you settled in my place. How does that sound?”

He’s quiet again, studying your face and the way your cheeks move with your lips, the way your brows rise and fall when he’s being ridiculous. He’s just as trained as you are, with 10+ years on you to prove his competence. You like him. You might even love him already, he thinks to himself. Your pretty lips purse at his silence and he finally cracks. “That sounds great, abejita.” Javier leans across the console to kiss your cheek, which makes you shiver softly, like any touch from the man does. “Thank you.”

“Thank me by buying me some drinks, huh?” You tease, turning back to focus on the road.

The bar was nice. Really nice, you learned as you walked in. It projected the essence of Javier to you; naturally, you loved it from the moment you looked around. The room had a low ceiling and wood paneling around the walls, a floor that your short heels clacked upon as you walked to the only open stools- well, only one stool, you realized as you walked. Javier walked behind you, a hand on the small of your back, admiring your legs in the outfit you wore.

When you finally found the available spot, where you’re now sipping a drink, you’d found that there was only one stool.

“Do you want to go sit in the restaurant?” You asked Javier as you nodded with your head to the side of the establishment with tables and booths.

He shook his head and pulled out the stool. “You sit. I’ll stand.”

“Javi-”

“Just sit, abejita. I’ve been sitting all day. I can handle a little standing,” he chuckles and kisses your head, gesturing to the stool. When you sit, he smiles down at you and wraps his arms around you loosely from behind. You lean back against his strong chest.

Over the past few days, you and Javier have made infrequent contact, a hug in greeting or in goodbye and plenty of shared kisses. This, however, speaks directly to your touch-starved soul, the way his body practically encompasses you. He orders himself a whiskey and the drink you’d ordered on the first night you met him for you, then continues to stand there.

You crane your head around to look at him, smiling. “I love this place already,” you say, admiring the way you can hear over the hum of the other patrons and the quiet music playing. You’re much more accustomed to places your friends would drag you, where it was more for the cheap drinks than the atmosphere.

The crow’s feet by his eyes are more pronounced as he smiles at you, but he looks even younger as his lips curve up softly. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Shit, is that Peña?” A loud voice calls from somewhere else in the building, and Javier turns, his face falling flat then smiling as he sees the voice behind it.

“Be right back,” he murmurs and presses a kiss into the top of your head.

It’s someone he recognizes, that’s for sure, as the man and Javier wrap their arms around each other and firmly pat the other’s back. “No shit! When did you get back to D.C., man?” The other guy asks. “Escobar just died and they’re already sending you back?”

The bartender delivers your drink, and you turn your back to Javier, thanking them and sipping at your liquor. Over your shoulder, you can hear the man and Javier talk shop, about Colombia and their days as DEA trainees, about Escobar’s recent death and Javi’s recent promotion. You glance over your shoulder at him, smiling as he easily talks with the group. You’ve not had the privilege of seeing Javier with his friends- or what seem to be his friends- yet, and he seems fairly social but humble. You appreciate that.

The talking goes on for a while, and you sip at your drink and look around the bar, appreciating the wood that makes a nice noise as your fingernails tap against it rhythmically.

When your drink is about half-drained, the bartender sets another in front of you. It’s different from what you were drinking, a fluorescent neon color surely made by a mix of ridiculously fruity liqueurs. You look at the bartender with confusion and they nod to a man at the end of the bar. He’s not looking at you, which makes it all the easier to stare at the drink in confusion and disgust rather than drink it. His tie is absolutely egregious, boldly patterned in bright colors. There’s not an ounce of taste about this man.

The drink goes untouched, sitting in front of you as you study it. There seems to be layers, maybe, or maybe the mixed alcohols just congealed awkwardly. You sip your drink and then Javier’s whiskey, refusing to drink whatever fucking concotion sits in front of you.

Five or ten more minutes pass of Javier talking with his friends. You don’t mind- you know the feeling of catching up with people you haven’t seen in a long time. In that time, the drink remains untouched, and you ask the bartender for a refill of your go-to drink.

Not long after the second one arrives, you feel a hand on the curve of your back. You turn, hoping it’s Javier, and instead find it to be the man at the end of the bar who ordered you the drink: Tie Guy. Panic sets in immediately and you arch your back to dodge the hand, which only follows your spine. “Hey. Thought you’d like this drink. You tried it yet?” The man asks, voice clearly showing that he knows you haven’t.

“No,” you say with a swallow, turning away from him. “Not exactly my style.”

“I thought it was such a pretty drink for such a pretty thing.”

Pretty thing. When Javier called you that earlier, even though the name wasn’t one you liked, it was at least endearing. To hear it again, dripping with sleaze and ill intentions, you shiver and push it further away. “I’m sorry, sir, it’s not my type of drink. My boyfriend will be right back, and-” you try, hating the defense you try to pull.

“He drinks whiskey,” Tie Guy says and gestures to Javier’s ¾ full glass. “No fun. Boring. Too manly, pretentious. Real men can drink something fun like these and not need to worry about someone thinking they don’t have a set of balls,” he says and his fingers trace the rim of the martini glass the concoction sits in. Now you’re definitely not drinking it, now that he’s touched it.

“Please, I’m not interested,” you try, turning around to face the man that towers over your seated body. “I’d appreciate it if-”

“Hey,” a familiar voice- thank fuck, it’s Javier- calls from behind you. “Excuse me,” he says and pushes Tie Guy out of the way, his arm wrapping around you. It’s a relief, a grip meant entirely for comfort and not for the coercion the man across from you had tried. You melt into it instantly. “She said to back the fuck off, or could you not fucking tell?” He hisses at the man. Javier pulls away from you, stepping towards the man who instinctively steps back.

“Whiskey drinker,” the man snorts and rolls his eyes. “So manly, so over the top. Gotta let everyone know that you’re the alpha, the dominant male, huh?” He asks, getting in Javier’s face. He’s taller than your Javier, but lankier. The fact that Javier could take him crosses your mind, though you hope desperately that it doesn’t come to that.

“What I drink doesn’t fucking matter,” Javier says and shoves his chest. “What matters is that you’re fucking harassing my girlfriend. Back the fuck off,” he says and turns from the man, back to you, his hand on your upper arm. “You okay?” he asks quietly, and you respond with a nod and a forced, close-lipped smile.

“Yep, go ahead, go back to your little prude,” the man laughs drunkenly, his voice full of vitriol. “Oh, no, I bet she loves to act all shy, but then she’s a kinky little thing in bed, isn’t she?” He asks, taunting Javier. “Ties your ass up and whips you, with that sass. I wonder if she-”

The sentence isn’t finished. Javier’s fist flies through the air and connects with the man’s face, followed by a loud, ringing thud as the taller body hits the floor.

caffeine rush taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @blo0dangel @binarydanvvers @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867 @greeneyedblondie44 @hunnambabe @astoryisaloveaffair @emesispo @pedritobalmando @magikfanatic @yooforia @oceanablue @sara-alonso @pedrosmustache @feelingmadclever @hnt-escape @radiowallet @obsessivelysearching @sugarontherims @a-court-of-feysand-and-elorcan @linnie0119 @1800-fight-me @autumnleaves1991-blog @toilet-keeper @evelynseventyr @metalarmsandmanbuns @shannababyy @sambucky21 @princess76179 @starless-eyes-remain @theorganasolo @jagi-yaaa @mrsparknuts @tacticalsparkles

#javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javi peña x reader #javi peña #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #narcos fanfic #narcos fanfiction #narcos #caffeine rush

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cellsshapedlikestars · 4 years ago

Note

Robot Jon! ☺️

(ok, I've been off tumblr for a few days, but I went on early this morning and had an ask with a bunch of prompts because I said I'd be taking a break from my Bachelor fic - which is true, if not for another 3 chapters yet. I haven't answered that ask because I'll lose it and therefore the prompts, but it reminded me that I still had two prompts left from when I asked for them back in... December? I'm the worst. Anyway, I re-looked at those prompts, saw this one, and then couldn't stop thinking about it. So I'm coming out of my vague tumblr hiatus to write this.)

Thank you, as always, for the prompt!

Sansa has never liked amusement parks.

The sun that always burned her, no matter how diligent mom was about reapplying sunscreen; the fried food that always made her sick; the crowds and the noise and having to walk everywhere. But the worst part was the rides – oh, she didn't mind some of them, like the Ferris wheel or the teacups; she could even handle the swing ride. The problem was that the rest of her family wanted to go on the horrible rides – roller coasters, haunted houses, swinging ships; the ones that go fast and drop you from a million feet in the air. And since it was hard enough wrangling the amount of children in their group to begin with, it was impossiblefor one adult to split off with Sansa, who alone wanted to ride the gentler ones.

And so, it's sort of ironic that she works at an amusement park now.

She may not have a taste for most of the rides in the park, but she is good at designing them – not the actual rides, but the aesthetics of them. It's her (and her team's) job to come in after the engineers and the builders and take a bare-bones ride and turn it into an experience. She loves her job – she loves watching children exit one of her rides with glowing faces and excitement in their eyes.

Today, she also gets to do one of her favorite aspects of the job, which is costume design. The animatronic models have already been installed, and when she enters the new Dance of Dragons ride, she can already see the scene taking shape in her mind. The concept art has already been drawn up, it's already being advertised – a medieval world that everyone knows is meant to capitalize on the stunning success of the Aemon the Dragonknight series (which her employer does not own the rights to, much to their dismay). But concept art is one thing – reality is another, and it's not until the ride is complete that she can start to truly see it come together in her mind.

“Oh good, you're here,” Margaery Tyrell sighs dramatically as she comes to meet Sansa's team. Margaery is in charge of Marketing and PR for this ride and Sansa knows it's a big responsibility, so she's been even more high maintenance than usual. Margaery walks her through the ride that Sansa has seen so many times in drawings.

“This is our Aemon,” Margaery slaps a hand against the shoulder of one of the animatronic models. “Although we can't call him Aemon. Copyright and all that.”

Sansa looks at the robot and she's struck for a moment how lifelike he is. A lot of the animatronics aren't this detailed, though she guesses this one is because of how close to the ride it is.

“He's handsome, right?” Margaery flashes her a grin and there's something in her eyes that Sansa can't quite place. (Well, she can, it's mischief, Sansa just can't tell why it's there.)

“I guess, in the way that cartoons can be handsome,” Sansa laughs and takes another look at the model – the somber grey eyes, dark curly hair, and an equally dark beard. “You even gave him abs,” she points down at the robot's chest which does, indeed, have a very detailed set of abs. “Am I supposed to leave him shirtless?”

“Oh, no, obviously we want realism, like we talked about,” Margaery waves her hand dismissively. “We just couldn't help ourselves when we put in the order.” Sansa shoots her a confused look, which only gets a delighted laugh out of Margaery. “I'm guessing you don't recognize him?”

“Recognize who?”

Margaery gestures at the animatronic. “Jon!” At Sansa's blank stare, Margaery rolls her eyes. “Jon Snow?”

The name sounds familiar and it takes her a second to place it. “The engineer?”

“Duh! Seven hells, don't tell me you've never actually seen him?”

Sansa shakes her head – she usually comes in well after the engineers have done their part.

“Mormont let him take the lead on this project and he's so... ugh,” Margaery makes a noise that's half frustration, half delight. “So serious all the time. But somehow likable? It's infuriating, really. And no one should be that attractive for a nerd.”

“So... does he know you made him into a robot?”

“He does not,” Margaery grins. “We're all just dying for him to come in for an inspection and see it. In fact,” she pulls out her phone and checks the time, “if you wait around for a bit, you'll get to see it happen.”

Sansa shakes her head and they continue on through the set, Sansa writing down notes in her trusty notebook that she always carries with her. Lists of costumes, set pieces. She'll need to bring in Asha later to discuss the lighting options (right now the dark ride is lit with spotlights, giving the whole place a surreal atmosphere).

Margaery eventually leaves her to it and Sansa loses herself in going over the set inch by inch with Gilly and Mya following along with her. She's so lost in thought that Mya has to shake her arm to bring her back to reality, and they turn to see a group of what has to be engineers standing in the main Great Hall set.

“Oh come on, Jon,” Margaery is giggling as a man who must be Jon stands, staring at the animatronic. He's scowling at it, hands tight around the pile of binders in his arms that are... well, ok, Sansa can understand now why Margaery made the robot so well muscled.

Sansa edges closer to the scene, and she can see that his fellow engineers are laughing – one of them is red-faced from trying to hold it in while another is actively wiping tears from his eyes.

“It's already made,” Margaery says in response to whatever Jon had grumbled to her. “Replacing it would be an irresponsible waste of funds. Oh! And here's the team that will be styling you... I mean, styling not-Aemon because that's copyright infringement.”

Jon looks up and the scowl drops from his face.

“This is Sansa, Mya and Gilly are over there.”

“Hi,” Sansa greets and Jon shifts his binders into one arm and then holds out his hand for her to shake (she can feel her face heating up and she hopes the dark hides it). “I promise to try and do you justice.” She regrets her words immediately, especially when she sees a slow grin spread over Margaery's face. “Though it doesn't totally look like you,” she continues on to try and backtrack. “It... doesn't have glasses?”

She wants to sink into the floor in embarrassment, but the gods are not that kind. At least she doesn't spout out how much she likes his glasses. Maybe Margaery is right – no one who clearly cares so little about their appearance should be this attractive. His beard needs a trim, his outfit is painfully unstylish, his hair is pulled back into a bun. All of it should add up to something she hates, but she just... doesn't.

(And honestly, Margaery's description of nerd isn't so far off the mark, but Sansa finds this isn't a detriment – in fact, she might be more attracted to him because of the glasses and the multitude of thick binders organized with labels and tabs that he's got tucked under his arm.)

“I'd also hope real Jon isn't built like a Ken doll,” one of the other engineers barks out a laugh and points at the animatronic, which, yes, does not have any reproductive anatomy.

“Gods,” she hears Jon whisper, and the hand that he had used to shake hers comes up and covers his eyes. “This is a nightmare.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Margaery sighs and pats him on the shoulder. “Now, why don't you take Sansa around and make sure she's really taken care of, hmm?” At the words, Sansa feels her face heat even further and Jon drops his hand from his eyes and glares at Margaery. “I just mean,” Margaery grins, not even trying to pretend the innuendo wasn't on purpose, “it might help the design if she has a good understanding of the mechanics. I know there's some new things on this ride we haven't had before, you could show her.”

Jon opens his mouth, but doesn't get a chance to speak, because Margaery barrels on. “Sam, Grenn, you can chat with Gilly and Mya while that's happening. And I... well, I'll just be over here, minding my own business.”

With that, Margaery walks away and the other two engineers – Sam and Grenn, she guesses – head over to where the rest of her team stands, watching from afar.

“You don't have to,” Sansa starts, but Jon quickly turns from glaring at Margaery's back to her and his face settles into something less... scowly.

“I don't mind,” he says quickly and maybe it's the low lighting in here, but she thinks the tips of his ears are red.

“Perfect,” she gives him her best smile, which seems to throw him even more off balance and... and she thinks she could get used to throwing Jon Snow off balance.

#ask #jonsa #jonsa fic #prompt fic #i don't know how amusement park ride design works #just go with it #don't ask questions

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wtfevenismypage · 4 years ago

Text

Safe and Sound

Pairing: Spencer reid x reader

Summary: Reader goes into a coma after being tortured on a case and Reid spends all of his time with her.

Warnings: Abuse/torture, coma, probably a swear word or two

Category: Angst/fluff

A/n:I wrote this really late last night while half asleep, so it isn’t the best quality but oh well, I hope you enjoy!

Pain was the only feeling you had. It wasn't just a feeling, it was also your current emotion. You were ashamed in yourself for being so stupid.

You were moving in on the unsub, thinking it was only one person, you should have been able to take him out, but it was two grown men. Two grown men that took you out instantly.

And now you’re tied up to a chair, a blindfold tight over your eyes.

“Your friends are watching. If you try to send messages you’re dead.”

You smile sadly and look up, revealing your battered face to the men who beat you.

“I’m alright guys. Just look for the victims. I’ll be fine-”

A fist to your face cuts you off, and you let out a yelp as they yank your hair backwards.

“You all have four hours to find her. Every ten minutes we’ll carve two letters into her. If you can’t find her in time, she’s dead.”

A blade is pressed against your neck and you whimper.

The blindfold is torn off of your face and you look around with bleary eyes, observing all you can about the area around you.

An abandoned production warehouse. There’s colorful powder streaked across the walls and floor, so beautiful, yet you knew it would only fuel your nightmares for the next few months.

“You better hurry.”

The tall man behind me presses the blade into my neck, marking a shallow sting of blood on your throat.

“P-please... Please stop.”

The team could only watch in horror as you get beaten, Penelope trying desperately to track the live footage.

A firm hand is resting on Spencer’s shoulder, trying to calm him down as he glares at the screen, tears dripping down his neck.

Thirty minutes pass with no succession of finding Y/n. six letters are carved into you.

D-E-A-T-H-I.

One of the men, the taller one, walks in front of you and pinches your cheeks together.

“We’re going out, but we’re watching you. If you try and send any messages to them, We have deadly gas in the vents waiting to be released. Behave.”

They walk out, but not before punching you in the stomach, the rough leather of their gloves rubbing against your carved skin.

“Please... Guys they’re going to kill again... I... I don’t think I’m gonna make it. If... If anyone is watching this, please, Tell the rest of the team I love you all. Penelope, please keep being yourself, never lose the light that you have, it’s a beacon for others.”

Penelope’s eyes overflowed with tears as the team watches you bleed out more and more with every breath.

“Rossi, you gotta get out more man, get yourself a woman to love. There’s someone out there for you, you’ll find her soon.”

Rossi turns his head, not wanting to cry at your words.

“Emily, You are the strongest woman I know, please don’t lose your persistence. JJ, Tell Henrey I said Hi okay? You’re so brave, don’t let anyone push you around. Morgan, You keep fighting for what’s right and don’t you dare give up, the world needs you bud.”

“Hotch, it’s alright to take breaks, this team is strong, they’ll survive if you take a cheat day. You have to give yourself a chance to breath okay?”

Even Hotch himself had a tear dripping down his cheeks as you let out broken sobs, almost screaming as the pain in your stomach starts to make you dizzy.

“Spencer... Oh god Spencer... I’m so sorry... I should have waited for you to come up... I’m so sorry...”

““But if I’m... If I’m gonna die then I have to tell you... I have to tell you that I love you. I’m in love with you...”

You look around, looking at the corner where a pile of spilt boxes on the floor, Makeup palettes shattered across with broken eyeshadow on the floor.

“It was a few months ago in December, it was a cold night.” You desperately send them hints. “You had given me an eyeshadow palette. I was upset that day, and slowly, I forgot about it. But I came across it recently. I’m so sorry that I never told you. I love you Spencer... I love you so much.”

The team watches Spencer, waiting nervously as his eyebrows are furrowed together.

“I never bought her an eyeshadow palette...”

Everyone’s eyes widen.

“Garcia look for abandoned eyeshadow palette factories within a fifty mile radius.”

Hotch demands as Morgan sits Spencer down.

“Take a breath, we’ll save her.”

“Morgan, I love her too, if she dies, it’s my fault, I didn’t make it to her in time...”

“Hey kid, don’t do that to yourself, she’ll make it.”

Spencer continues to think about all the times you two had together. You were the only person who listened to his rambling, you actually listened and you liked it. You and him told each other everything, your deepest darkest secrets.

He couldn’t survive without you, there was no way. You helped him when he had nightmares, you made him coffee, you truly held his heart in your hands.

“There’s a match! 68738 Raney Street! Go get my baby!”

Reid is off in a bolt with Emily and Hotch following right behind him.

The men return to the ware house, flipping knives in their hands.

“Looks like it’s time for some letters.”

“Can’t we just finish the message? Please baby?”

The tall man sighs before crouching in front of you, pulling your shirt up and place the knife right under your boob before pressing it in, making you scream out.

“Please! Please stop!”

Your breathing is labored, the blood draining from your body quickly as he continues to slice into you like a stick of butter.

The last thing you hear before passing out is the sound of bells ringing in your ears.

“Please...”

You wake up with a pounding headache, you can’t open your eyes or move any limbs, but you can hear voices talking.

“The nurse said she had a few complications before they could get her to surgery, her heart stopped twice, but they managed to stabilize her.”

It was Penelope, you could tell by the sigh that followed she was talking with Morgan.

“What did they... What did they cut into her?”

His voice was shaky, it made your eyes tear up even when closed, and you could feel the itch slip out of your eye as Penelope speaks.

“They said death is the beginning.”

“And he’s been there since she got out of surgery?”

“He refuses to leave. The nurses told him he had to leave but he wouldn’t budge. It’s been three days. I don’t think he’s eaten...”

Another sigh from Morgan.

Your body is numb, gentle pins and needles spread all throughout your senses. More tears slip through the tiny slits of your closed eyes, dripping down to your ears.

“She’s crying... Probably a nightmare...”

Silence. You can feel yourself drifting back to sleep slowly, the gentle beep of your heart rate putting you to ease as your breathing slows down.

“I can’t believe she went through that torture for four days...”

Had it really been four days? It felt like a life time had passed from being taken from your team.

As you drift into a deep sleep, you can only relive the horrors as you remain unable to wake up.

The next time you awaken, you still can’t move or even blink, your throat dryer than before, pools of sweat at your thighs. You’re able to feel a hand clutching yours though, it’s slender and bony, long fingers squeezing yours tightly.

“You might be able to hear me, and if you can, we uh... We saved you Y/n. You’re safe now.”

Spencer.

You wanted to smile and throw your arms around his neck, but your limbs feel like lead, the heaviest lead in the world and you just can’t lift them up.

“I love you too Y/n. I love you so much. But it’s been eight days since you got to the hospital... Please wake up so I can tell you how much I love you.”

A pair of lips presses against your forehead. It tickles, warm breath from his nose gliding over your skin as he finally pulls away.

“Wake up soon Y/n...”

You slip in and out of consciousness like that for the next few weeks, listening to Spencer’s stories of the team’s current case, and relaxing to classical music as he reads books aloud to you.

They were books you loved too, fictional books about space pirates and cheesy rom-coms. You were so grateful too him, hoping you could move sometime soon so you can kiss him.

One day the nurse came in to talk with Spencer.

“Her state isn’t improving, she hit her head pretty hard when you found her, we don’t know how long it’ll be until she wakes up.”

You wanted to fight for him. You wanted to open your eyes and look at his beautiful face, you wanted to be able to hold him in your arms. So when his hand returns to your’s, you try your hardest to squeeze his hand, to let him know you’ll survive.

It takes all of your energy, but briefly, very briefly, your hand clenches softly, and you can feel his hand tense up.

“She squeezed my hand!”

With those words you swiftly passed out.

Spencer squeezed your hands days after that, it had been almost three months now, and a few days since you held his hand.

Your disheveled state was slowly improving, your sunken cheeks and deep eyebags now gone, but you still weren't waking up.

“So I brought a children’s book today, I thought you would like it.”

He begin’s reading to you, squeezing your hand every few seconds to hopefully gain some sort of reaction from you.

But once again, nothing.

“Please wake up soon princess...”

You strain your muscles harder than you ever had to before, trying so hard to tap your fingers on his hand in the tune of the distant piano playing in the background.

One finger twitches on his skin, bouncing up and down to the beat of the piano, the rest of your fingers following suit.

A gasp escapes his lips.

“Princess? Are you awake?”

How the hell do you think I’m gonna answer that Spencer you dumb-

“Oh wow princess, You’re awake! Um, Uh, Okay, I need to go get a doctor, keep your fingers tapping okay? Doctor!”

You keep tapping your sore fingers, listening to Spencer and the doctor panicking about what to do.

But then, You’re eyes slowly flutter open, the blinding light impaling your irises as the sound of Spencer’s crying fills your ears.

“Good morning Agent Y/l/n, you’ve been sleeping for a while now, I’m gonna help you sit up okay?”

You do your best to nod as the female doctor moves the hospital bed upwards, allowing you to lock eyes with Spencer.

“Sp... Spence...”

Your voice comes out broken and shattered, only a semblance of a croak, but he leans in and wraps his arms around you, making you feel safe and secure.

“Hey princess, I missed you so much.”

He presses a kiss to your head again, letting his tears fall onto your hands, which he’s held against his cheeks.

“I... I love...”

“Shhhh, I know princess, I know, just relax now alright? You’re safe and sound.”

“I love you...”

“I love you too.”

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