#i feel like a hermit who lives on the edges of the internet so i get frightened whenever even a teensy bit of attention is put on me SBHDKL

[dandyshucks]

HALP (/silly) i come back from teaching my mother to crochet and my activity feed tab is inundated from that one offhand silly post SBDHDHKL

[devils-servent]

And the were roomates

summary 

Mika and the boys are quarantining together, and it's great...till a good ole game of truth or dare gets outta hand and it all goes up in flames. The tension is real.

This exsists because of a post @elvingleaf made, thats here, that post was a normal statement, then i came along and well this....

also @lovedoglover9987 and @loveisafunnything its done~ 

this gets spicy...

“This is fine, this is fine,”  is what she kept telling herself over and over. Face bright red as she sits between these Demons. All eyes in the room were staring at her, basically undressing what was left of her. They could smell Mikas' arousal.

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Mika and the boys were quarantining togething due to the virus. The boys all had time off work and she only had to do some school work after being laid off from her part time job at the pink lady cafe.

Mika and the boys lived together for years now anyway so it wasn’t too hard but… due to social distancing in public and the closing of bars and nightclubs the need for energy had become...frequent. Not to mention their presence had become more frequent, mika was usually home alone. Ya know?  But the consistent eye candy wasn’t a big issue.

But Mika wasn't quite used to their constant presence, usually there would always be some time alone for mika. No hot shirtless inubi waltzing around the place like they owned it.  

Still the boys were nice about it, asking to cuddle with her and watch a movie, have mika sit in their laps while they did something or even just hold her hand. Just little things throughout the day not taking up much time. Just like it used to be before the boys got used to the outside world.

At first…

You see her college work got overwhelming at a certain time leading Mika to spend a lot of time in her room and away from the boys. It also ruined her sleep schedule. So the simple energy grabs were not as frequent and they moved to...well they moved to....they moved to make outs...lots and lots of makeouts and hookups.

Which is fine in theory.... Theory, see those said makeout left mika...frustrated.

Like when she was walking into the library with the intention of swapping a textbook and was startled by james’ sudden movement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“James are you okay--” she asked as he rushed toward her, his long strides intimidating Mika slightly as he slowly pinned her to the wall holding back his golden glow.

His enthrallment took her off guard and forced a heated, painful, arousal through her body letting a small moan slip out and James to give a smug little grin.  Still his lips quivered, a little desperate, breathing in mikas increasing forced arousal, breathing in her sweet scent, her body sagging under his height as he spoke,

“Miss may i-”  

He was cut off with a kiss, a long kiss. A make out session, if you will. Her body pushed itself up against James, not having felt another's sexual touch in a while. Her body molded with his as the kiss turned sloppy, desperate. Bodies grinding against eachother fuling the heated haze they both created.

Or the time Mika and Matthew were cooking, kitchen cupboards are a good thing to rest against in a feisty kiss she concluded. A perfect place to have someone between your thighs… His hands pulled mika closer to the edge of the counter as he knelt between her thighs, face buried between them, tonge teasing her folds and lips suckong her clit as if his life depended on it.

As is a bathroom sink, well not the actual sink. But her back against the cold mirror towel slipping down due to her arched back, as Sam kissed up her neck. Warm lips contrasting the cool mirror she was being pressed against. Head tilted back on the steaming mirror giving access to the sensitive parts of her neck.

Or even the gazebo post, cool nights were amazing weren't they? Perfect for contrasting the waves of heat That coursed through her body with an incubus on either side.Both relashing in her moans, and the energy seeping off her like heat to an oven. Not like she wasn't as hot as one.

~~~~~~~~~

Point is she was and is the boy's energy source, well main source,  for the foreseeable future. Not that she really minded. But it was hard, it was like their enthralment bleed off of them 24 hours a day. Being around them sometimes made her become flushed.

A part of her was glad her school work picked up,it helped clear her mind. Release the fog of need that shrouded it.

The other part craved their touch. It missed fingers tracing her curves, hot breath in her ears. Panting in her ears. The crescendo of moans that would reverberate through the halls. The shaking limbs, the desperation that ran through her veins she missed the feeling of an orgas crashing though her body drowning her in bliss.  

Even the thought could get her worked up....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now there they are, it's a friday evening and all of them are stuck in a competitive game night with remnants of the pizza they’d all had ordered, with a few slices left in boxes around the room. The pizza boxes...well they sat on the couches instead of them, with Mika sat on the floor head in Damiens lap as he played with Mikas baby hairs. Erik sat on Mika’s, left Matthew to the right with Sam by Mathew's side and James in the one free arm chair.

They did this each Friday since this disease had surfaced, the game night, not the pizza eating. It was James' way of ‘keeping the morale’ also known as not becoming hermits to any games console or internet reaching device. But all of them were bored. They’d been doing it for weeks and it was starting to become repetitive.

Sighing sam reached for his phone, “it's not even 9 pm, so I can't even go to bed yet”

Damien chuckled at his brother's annoyance. they all had played everything from monopoly -which got stopped due sam getting huffy at james owning a third of the board-  to uno which damien had unsurprisingly won.

Perking up matthew smiled, “lets play truth or dare”

An unceremonious grown erupted from Mika and sam caused Erik to chuckle at the pair of them and their whining, ”It won't be that bad Sam, hehe, princess”

Matthew nodded in agreement “and besides we've never played as a group,or...or at all actually?” he questioned getting a nod from damien.

“I'll play,” Damien offered, his hand playing with Mika's hair as Erik smiled in agreement.

“As will I”

“I see no harm, Miss?.'' James said, giving a smile, as he joined all of them in sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace.  Mika followed suit leaving only Sam's opinion.

“Ugggg fine, how are we deciding who chooses who or whatever” he tried to whine but Sam was interested, all of you could tell.

Mika shrugged, muttering that she “doesn't think this will end well” as Daimen chuckled above her sitting her beside him and earning a mini glare as he took away the comfortable spot in his lap--

“Pass me that empty bottle Sam?” Sam tossed the bottle to Damien as he set it on the floor between them,

“There who ever spins it gets to ask who it lands on truth or dare.”

“Oh like spin the bottle then?” Mika asked and was given a nod as Erik piped up, ’Would You like to play that instead?’ and was shot down by James for obvious reasons.

“Let's play,” Matthew reached for the bottle as sam piped up,

“We aint playing no kids game. You gotta ask hard questions and whoever doesn’t answer-”  He shot out of the room only to come back with a bottle of vodka and some shot glasses,

“takes a shot, OR,” he silenced james’ incoming argument “ they take off a piece of clothing.” he smirked at Mika, the fuckin pervert.

Mika could pretend she was surprised but he always was a perv. Taking any chance he got to slip his wandering hand up her skirts while they’d be watching a movie or even just eating dinner. His fingertips would trace the edges of her skirts and shorts. Hands would dip in to the waistband of her sweatpants and he’d always try to---

“The person either drunkest or nakedest has to do whatever the most clothed/soberest person says for 24 hours. Deal? “

Mika shrugged and the other brothers nodded. James added that they cap it at two shots and all of them reluctantly agreed. Upset at the thought of a cap on getting hammered.

Mika had a decent tolerance (technically the lowest in the room though, fuckin demons ) and had the most clothing on in the group, wearing a baggy hoodie over a shirt and skirt, and rocking a pair of taco socks. Mika’d be fine in comparison to the rest of the group. She was basically the most dressed. Besides this wasn't a question she wouldn't answer...

Agreeing to the spicy terms Matthew spun the bottle and it landed on-

“Sam! Truth or-”

“Truth pipsqueak,”

Matthew looked at Sam and gave an impish grin, “Ugg I was hoping for dare but...Share with everyone the DELIGHTFUL nickname You used to get called, ya know back in the plains”

Sam glared and immediately reached for the shot only to have it snached by Mika. “No no no, Sammy share this because i've gotta know”

He looks delightfully pissed, both at the situation and at being called Sammy,

James surprisingly egged it on  “Sam it wasn't that bad” followed by Eriks sinister chuckle.

He growled and rolled his eyes “Its, ugg fine i used to get called fuckin handlebars alright, it’s not-- what are You laughing at doofus”

Mika wheezed into her hands as he gave a grumpy look, body rolling back, Mika curled on the floor and Damien patted her on the back muttering, “breathe” through his own sniggers.

Coming back to her senses, Mika sat up, looked Sam up and down before muttering “handlebars huh?” Mika knew it was from his demon form, but man she never made that correlation. It did make sense though....

Mika offered an innocent smile ”You didn't have to tell us Sam, You could have stripped a little.” Mika winked, getting a frustrated huff as he spun the bottle.

~~~~~~~~~

The game went on for a while before the questions changed pace, started by Sam (obviously) who didn't like how sober and clothed Mika was, oh and his brothers...they qualify for the sober part.

As his spin landed on Mika as he chuckled darkly. “Finally, truth or dare doofus”

Every bone in Mika's body told her to pick truth so the word truth left her mouth. Sam grinned. That grin makes mika shudder internally.maybe she shouldn't have…

“Hoped you would. What’s your wildest fantasy?”

Mika’s cheeks heated up and Mika gulped, forcing her mind to stay as blank as possible, there was no way she was saying that, not to the people involved. No way. No way. No---

James grinned as he drank some tea and Erik grinned at Mika. Matthew looked shocked at his brother as Daimen looked at Mika in curiosity...mainly. Every Person in that room had varying degrees of lust in their eyes, well not People per say...they were truly acting like lustful little demons.

Sighing she reached for her hoodie, pulling it of and placing it on the couch, “umm yeah...No thanks”

Erik smirked, “wow princess, we’re wounded. You don't trust us?” Mika stuck her tongue out at him and spun the bottle having it land on-.

“Truth or dare Damien?” she spoke head tilted to the side and he tilted his to match,

“I'll say umm, truth too.”

“Fuckin lame asses” Sam felt he needed to comment.

“Sam we all know we’ll only pick truth for most of the game anyway we want dirt on each other, But Damien, Who’s the most frequent person you’ve ever fantasized about?” Mika asked gently as his eyes wided and he went a glorious shade of red.  

“I...fuck it was...nope im not doing it” he pulled of his shirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And with that more rounds went by with questions like that were definitely not okay to ask as Roommates, however they were asked and ended up leaving all of them in various states. Mika with 2 shots, two missing socks and a missing shirt added on to her hissing hoodie. Earning the comment “nice bra princess” from good ol’ erik.

Not like he could say much, with questions that he wouldn't answer, meant he was 2 shots down and only in pj pants, his socks and shirt discarded. James followed a similar path being left in his black sweats and one sock, with 2 shots, he didn't take too kindly to masturbation questions, that's all she would say. Matthew had taken off his undershirt but left on his shorts and jacket, he however was 1 shot down. Damien in a similar strife to Matthew has only one shot down, he's only missing his shirt socks. Then there were handlebars,  Sam, he was left in his sweats and was two shots down, in hindsight, Mikas questions really were not the fairest of questions...were they?

It all led up to this glorious question from James after Mika picked Truth, “miss since you've had so much fun asking inappropriate questions , I’ll ask you one...”.

What? The’d already been asking some inappropriate questions to her, She--

“Miss” James smiled, to call it an evil one would be an understatement. “When was the last time you masturbated?”

Matthew snorted at her embarrassed face as Sam coughed...Mika was screwed, she’d already had all of her two shots, it was answer or be in her underwear, There was no way she was answering that.

Mika jolted up off damiens lap, having him on her right hand side now as she covered her mouth in surprise.

Truth is, it had been a while. Mika tended to do it when all the boys were out of the house and due to the virus...it's been months. She was a little frustrated but mainly held it together she could just use the boys but she liked getting herself off. Not to mention he had not hooked up with any of the boys in a while. They mainly just used makeouts. Mika longed for something to be inside of her.

That question however...it threw Mika off her game.

Daimen laughed from beside Mika ”It's really been that long, has it?”  Fuck, Damien idly smiles at her panic as Erik looked Mika up and down his gaze was hungry...All their gazes were hungry?

“How long has it been princess…”.

Mika signed a little embarrassed at the question before standing up and grabbing the waistband of her skirt untying the bow with the intention of pulling it down but-

“NO NO NO- “ Sam interrupted sating at Mika, “you wouldn't let me drink earlier so this is payback, tell us doofus,”

Mika scared incredulously at him before he smiled idly at her, just waiting… she sat back on the floor in an embarrassed heap, making sure she was looking at anywhere but the boys as she mumbled her confession, “A couple months ago,”.

“Pardon me miss but i don't think I heard that-”

“A couple of months ago,” Mika confessed face burning, looking up to see lustfully surprised gazes.

“And why would that be miss?”

Mika found Herself standing up with the intention of racing out the room. But she was quickly grabbed and lightly pulled into Eriks lap, his head on her shoulder and his one arm around Mika and his hand on the other side of her head forcing her to look at james.

He spoke into her ear, “and why's that princess?”

Mika squirmed in his lap, the feeling of him in her ear made her core go mental. It rumbled from deep within Mika.  not to mention they way he had her sat her legs were a little open one lowered glance and---

Damien found himself answering for Her. “She doesn't want us to hear her, so she does it when we're not home, or sometimes when we're asleep.” Mika blushed and pulled at eriks arm. He just grinned against Mika's ear.

Matthew smiled, “what were ya thinking about huh?...Tell us the fantasy you think about...” He teased all the boys and sat a lot closer to Mika than before.

Eriks hold relaxed but Mika found herself staying in his lap. His touch did not help the burning in her core but it was nice. Mika shook her head as Sam's eyes flashed a bit gold,

“Not gonna tell us are you doofus?” His voice came from beside Erik, his hand was making his way up her leg and teasing the waistband of her skirt before dipping underneath it.

“What's your biggest fantasy Princess?”

Mika moaned out as Erik breathed on the shell of her ear, James and Matthew sat in front of Mika as Damien sat to eriks side.  The rim of each pair of  eyes tinted gold, they aren't even trying to hide the arousal in their eyes or voices.

They watched her red face as James spoke, “you've been a little bit of a mess huh miss? Well, we’ve wanted this for months. Do you want us? Heh, want us to fix the frustration you've been trying to hide from us?”

“This is fine, this is fine,”  is what Mika kept telling herself over and over. Face bright red as Mika sits between these Demons. All eyes in the room were staring at Mika, basically undressing what was left of Mika. They could smell Mikas' arousal. It poured off her body

All movement around Mika stopped as they awaited Mikas answer, Mika nodded weakly, captivated by the promises within James' words.

“Yes” Mika nodded as James pulled Mika upward, Sam moved the boxes off the couch as Mika was pushed into Damiens lap on the wide armchair.

His lips kissed over the one side of her neck as Matthew kissed the other, Sam sitting in front of Mika opening her legs as his hands traced the outside of her underwear.

Erik knelt in front of her and spoke slowly lust in his voice, “well im disappointed, we're glad to help you, you could've said something sooner.” he smirked and held her knees and his hands began to trail fingertips up her thighs.

Mikas breath hitched as Sam's fingers pushed into her underwear, putting pressure on Mikas clit as he moved in slow circles varying pressure.

“Eriks right you know” James' voice appeared from behind her, he seemed to be leaning over the back of the chair, his head by Mika's ear.

“you know we would help...we’ve helped before...individually anyways”

Mika moaned out  at the implication of his words. It was true all of them had hooked up before. They had all bedded her separately even in the odd threesome but never together not all at once. Could she take it?

She snapped out of her mental spiel as lips connected with the skin on her breast, a little moan escaped her as she whined. And james continued talking,

“You know miss, as much as we admire your work ethic...it left us starving… and that's not too good is it?”

Mikas back arched into the chair, as sam sucked hickeys on her inner thighs, his and erik's hand the only reason her legs weren't wrapped around someones head. She could feel her core pulsing in desperation, she wanted more… needed more. Mika whined at the teasing touches, lips ghosting over her skin.

Mika moaned into James' lips as they connected, back arched in an attempt to keep the connection. James teased her bottom lip with his tongue before they deepened the kiss. Mika barely realised the hickeys being sucked on her skin or the pesky finger opening up her bra. Feeling the warm air hit her nipples, Mika moaned at the feeling of somebody's breath on them, their teeth grazing it lightly and suking it as it got hard in his mouth.

Mika cried out in desperation as all touches left her body, her lips parted and eyes heavy with lust, the boys hungry gazes could be felt all over her. She barely realised they were all smirking at her needy state. Her chest heaving, she looked around at the boys before mumbling a small “please” and movement picked up again.

“Your room Mika? Damiens voice was lewd; a husky snarl as he began to stand up.

“Wait...Wait...mnh...” Mika tried to protest but she was already getting picked up by Sam. Breasts pushed against his bare chest as he walked with her in his arms. Heavy breathing and full looks were shared between you as Sam used his super speed to speed away from the rest of his brothers.

His lips briefly connected with mika before he threw her on her bed, watching her bounce before crawling on top of her, his arms cageing mika beneath him. Their initial kiss was rough, his chapped lips moving quickly against her soft ones. Pulling away his voice a lust ridden growl.

“If we weren't starving to taste you again” he moaned, “we’d tease the hell outta you~”

His knee coming between mikas clothed core and moving against it, the small amount of friction heightened mikas arousal. She found herself grinding down against his knee, hips rolling involuntarily back and forth, back and forth. Milking the friction she was getting. Before he pushed his knee into mika and smirking as the moan she let out.

Pulling her in his lap he leant against the headboard as his brothers strolled in, mika turned to look at them only to have her head snapped back by sam and she was kissed again, she showed no resistance to this whatsoever, in fact she was the first one to close her eyes and part open her lips. he pecked her once, making sure she wouldn't back off, then went in for a deep kiss. he found her tongue and it willingly danced with his.

She broke off the kiss to breathe, only to moan when a pair of hands pinched her nipple from behind her and her back arched into them. Head on his shoulder she saw Matthew's evil little smile as she was led down the middle of her bed on her back.  

All the boys stared down at her, her hair splayed around her like a halo and her red tinted face.

"You look adorable mika" Damien said and kissed her again on her neck, lingering this time... kissing, licking, drooling and suckling on the same spot. Mika immediately reacted to the hot and wet sensation on her neck, arching her body for a second as her clit throbbed and her breathing shook.

"Please don't stop..." she gushed while she kept shaking and moaned.

The moan of pleasure from mika made damien groan into her neck, in turn making mika moan, blind to whatever was happening anywhere else in the room mika laid in bliss.

She couldn't help it now, moans coming out involuntarily, he heated haze becoming painful to lingerie. She felt like an over cooked meal.

His lingering, messy kisses on her neck, cheek and ear continued but he also dragged his hand down her soft body to her inner thighs and fully flipped up her skirt exposing her wet underwear. She jolted when his gentle fingers rubbed her hard little clit through the thin cloth of her briefs, she squeaked and moaned but didn't resist.

Nor did she resist when she felt her legs get lifted up and her skirt come off and get thrown, feeling the cooler air brush against her underwear.

Feeling eyes on her body as she arched her back, Pretty soon her briefs were soaked in arousal, she blushed intensely knowing that someone's fingertips were covered with the fluid seeping through her panties but she still wished this could go on forever.

But of course it couldn't, just a couple of seconds later she felt tingles on every nerve ending as her entire body tensed up. Hips involuntarily rolling into the movement of somebody's fingers, Her pulsing core cumming and cum easily went through her already saturated panties, she went limp and breathed out the longest sigh. She still wanted more.

As the high-pitched breathing from Mika winded down, Sam lifted his fingers, they dripped with her cum once or twice.  He smirked as he smelled them, then licked them making eye contact with mika as he did. Infatuated with her taste he then greedily sucked anything left on his fingers.

“Sam” she breathed.

"Was that good?" Matthew asked, a voice coming from her side barely recognizable due to the lust shrouding it..

"Yesss..."

“Good because we're not done yet….” and with his words Erik pulled off mika panties and threw them across the room, giving a smile at the sugar she made when the air touched her sensitive core.

Mika felt her legs go over his and Sam's shoulders, heaving her exposed to the pair as James lips wrapped themselves around her nipples, Matthew looked up at her as if looking for approval again before he began his assault on her breasts, James didn't care for such mannerisms in bed. she nodded to Matthew,  Then he looked for the pink, perfectly round nipple and licked the tip, making it harden in his mouth, and pressed his lips around it. He suckled, licked and drooled all over the aureole, making even Mika moan as she stroked his hair.

Matthew was in heaven always loving his mouth on mika's tits, and she was enjoying it as much as he was. He traced his finger up and down her stomach, aiming to keep her moaning as much as he could. To return the favors to the pair, she stroked the head of his penis very gingerly with the tips of her fingers, sliding his foreskin back just before its limit and then pulling it over the glans again.

Mikas' breath escaped her as she felt a mouth on her folds. Not knowing who it was due her head being cradled in damiens lap, tilting her head as much as she could while being led down, she was the other red head between her thighs.

Erik started out slow, with his tongue coated in saliva, licking from the bottom of Mika’s pussy to her clit. As soon as he reached the top, Mika moaned out at the slight change in pressure, Erik ignored the whines and beggs and kept licking her pussy with long strokes of his wet tongue, focusing on her clit sneaking a finger in or two just to stretch her out a little bit.

When Erik was satisfied with how much wetter Mika had become, he started licking in between mikas pussy lips and all the folds of her hooded clit. Erik was in love with the taste of Mika's pussy and couldn't help but keep licking everywhere he could taste the sweet flavor. He soon found that the flavor was best inside of her pussy, Not like he didn't know that already, he just loved to tease her.

With more vigor, Erik started digging his tongue deep in her pussy searching for more of those soft ridges that produced wonderful moans. He could vaguely hear mikas horny rambles and begging, from what he could hear she was getting close.

He started flicking his tongue and quickly eating out Mika. he saw Mika grip the sheets hard. His face was filled with more of her pussy as she bucked her hips into his face, using him for her own orgasm, Not like he minded, and suddenly Eriks mouth was flooded with mikas juices.

“Ah~ UZAERIS”

Mika found blanked for a few seconds and found herself in James' lap, back to his chest and legs spread out for everyone to see, Erik appeared at her side as their lips connected, she could taste herself on his tongue, and his lips. Her own juices painted his mouth as she kissed him.

The kiss was broken by a moan, the blunt tip on Matthew's cock running up and down mikas pussy, dipping into her dripping hole only to pull back out and smirk. Mika moved to roll her hips only to have Damien hands drab them and hold them down.

“Mika~” matthews voice teased, “what do you want mika~”

Mika groaned her body aching for more and the enthrallment of five incubi definitely wasn't helping.

“Say it mika” Not damien too~

She shuddered as he teased once again mikas words spilled out with no filter, “pleasejustfuckmeyouknowiwantitplease!!”

And Matthew's hips crashed into mikas and her eyes rolled back as they did so, her body moaned uncontrollably as she was pounded by him. Back shifting all over James' chest, her moans were unavailable as his hands traced her nipples, one hand coming to pinch it as Erik sucked a hickey on her breast.

Mika couldn't concentrate on anything, her body enjoying the attention everywhere, her breasts, her neck, her clit. she didn't even realise when she clenched around Matthew's cock.

“Zecaeru~..zecaeru….ugghuuuu… ZECAERU~” mikas body tried to pull his cock deeper as she came around it, the pulsing feeling as if it was dragging him into her body further. Matthew on the other hand kept at his pace fucking her though her orgasm and the few after shocks

She felt herself melt into James' chest as she came down from her high, but alas, Sam's hands pulled her off of his brother's chest and she landed face down ass up in front of sams cock.

James groaned at the sight of mika, all her holes just there offered to them, James' hands pulled her waist up to his cock as he shuffled closer and entered her. Mika, becoming more and more sensitive, reached back to grab his hands to slow his pace, but ultimately having her mouth stolen by Damien who made her face him instead.

He tapped his cock against her lips as she opened them, relaxing her mouth around it. She felt a soft tingle at the back of her throat, and it soon became numb to damiens cock.  Mikas eyes were rolled back as Damien fucked her mouth and james her pussy.

She had no clue whose fingers were on her clit but, the fast movement they were making had mika moaning around damien and it wasn't too long before mika felt herself cum around james cock damien pulling out just in time for her to moan out,

“RAESTRAO”

Mika collapsed on the bed, heavily breathing and did not fully register her body in damiens lap and his cock at her entrance. Her legs open over his thighs, his cock teasing her entrance he pushed his hips up and watched her eyes roll back. Mouth agape.

Their lips briefly met, her soft ones touching him in a hazy rush before a loud moan was forced out of her by her ribs being roughly grabbed from behind. His body jolted up and down his cock as he fucked her. Hand sat loosely in her hair, just to keep her steady. As he guided her up and down his throbbing cock her pulsing pussy made it pleasurable for the pair of them.

Mika soon began to tremble and moan, fingers digging into the nape of damiens neck as she rutted against him desperate for her next orgasm. Sam's fingers on her clit as she rolled her hips up and down. All suddenly coming to a stop as she came over damiens cock.

“Ahhh ahah, Izroul~” she moaned contentedly.  

Her body pulsing, she craved more. In the back of her mind she was becoming exhausted but her pussy was aching.

For seconds Her mind went completely blank when Sam finally put his cock inside of her. The thick, smooth tip slowly but firmly entering her, brought waves of sensation to her core. As she arched her back against his chest.

As he pushed it in more, she could feel how his cock was stretching mika out bit by bit even with how wet she was. When his tip inevitably hit all mikas hidden spots that she forgot even existed, her moans became louder.

"Oh yes..." his slow movements allowed mika to let out a coherent moan.

Not long after that, her whole body jolted up with Sam's rough thrusts, just moving quicker and quicker until mikas berthing was erratic and her words a jumble.  What she thinks is james’ fingers rub her clit as she comes all over Sam's cock body twitching, shaking helplessly.

“Uhhhhh Aomaris!~”

Mika acknowledged the fact she was shifted of fo sams cock, Moaning at the new cock at her entrance she saw erik smile up at her,

“Last time now princess, i think i'll be cumming right it HERE”

As he said here he thrusted up into mika, hand on her hips as he rolled his into hers. Head tilted back as she moaned out, hands coming to tease her breasts, a hand on her clit and what she knew to be sams cock in her mouth.

The hands pinching and circling her nipples, one hand would grope her breast and the other would pinch her nipple.

The fingers on her clit moved in quick circles, fingers that specifically touched her clit applying more pressure than the others as it moved.

It took all of sams control to not fuck mikas face, her tounge running under the ridge of his head and teeth kightly dragging on the sensitive nerve here and there.

Room filled with moans and groans from each person until mika clenched around eriks cock causing him to also freeze mid thrust,

“Ghghghgh,~” mika moaned out head pulled off of sams cock and tilted back.

Erik buried his cock deep into mika as he came inside of her, Sam cumming all on her face, and neck and James Damien and Matthew all over her bare chest.

Mikas' chest heaved as she was pulled off of eriks cock and laid on her bed.

Mika smiled in bliss as the boys looked down on her, all of them struggling to catch their breath mika included.

Sam brushed her hair out of her face as Mika tongue out.

“Ugg how are you even awake” he smiled at her cum covered face,

Mika shrugged as she reached up and scooped some of his cum on her finger, watching it drip before she smiled at it and put it into her mouth. Sam's breath hitch as mika sucked on her fingers innocently, causing the others to watch incuriously.

Mika feeling all her eyes, and in her semi drowsy state decided to tease a little bit, dragging her finger up the valley between her breasts and sucking the cum off of them.

A groan escaped them as mika moaned at the taste,

“Don't play these games mika” surprised at the use of her name she smirked innocently.

“And why not Raestrao?”

Mika binked as she felt james fingers inside of her curling up to her g-spot as his thumb worked on her clit,

“We will drain you mika~ have you begging for Mercy”

Mika cried out as her sensitivity increased with a brief round of enthrallment as she came all over James' fingers, now hers and Erik cum leaking out of her. Her body shaking relentlessly she cried out before she passed out in a sweaty come covered heap.

~~~~~

She awoke to soft sheets, and the light trickled in through the open balcony doors. Shedding herself of the remaining glimpses of sleep, her eyes were still shut as she soaked in the warmth of the covers before letting her green eyes see the sun's rays.

She basked in them for a while, the warmth soothing her aching body, pushing the cover off she saw her bare thighs and stomach, littered with marks a reminder of what she could assume was the evening before. Her skin felt as if it were glowing and she was truly surprised at the very little aches and pains.

her muscles felt weak, unlike her energy. She let out an exasperated sigh, groaning as she laid back in the soft puffy blanket, What time was it? How long had she been asleep? Did she have clothes on?  Well she knew the answer to the last question.

Her bedroom door clicked open as she looked to the culprit or should she say culprits,

“Morning~” still as bubbly as he usually was, Matthew bounced into the room and sat beside her.  Soon everyone else walked in too, James carrying a plate of breakfast and damining a glass of water.

“We thought you might need it miss” he smiled, his appearance looked soft due to him in his sweats.

All the boys were in pjs and mika sat naked, well minus her blanket. Mika smiled as she bit a piece of toast, her blanket cover shifting slightly as all the boys sat on her bed with her, all just basking in each other's company.

Running his finger though Mika's hair from behind her, Sam smiled before asking, “hey doofus?”

“Mmmhmmm” mika mouth full of food,

“You never did tell us your biggest fantasy”

Mika looked back to see sams glowing golden eyes, quickly turning from him she looked around only to find everyone else's eyes the same color…

“Ah fuck me…”

.

.

.

“Again princess?”

“As you wish~”

“Really doofus?”

“We dont mind~”

“haha, really that's it~”

Mika paled “Damien i swear~”

______________________________

HONONRARY TITLE "Mikas quarantine orgy".

[esperantoauthor]

Pandemic Mental Health Check-In

Thanks for starting this check-in, @snarkyhag. Thanks to @20xbetterthanu, @gleefulpoppet, and @gorgxoxus for tagging me 💕 

I actually started filling this out right when you all were tagging me but, uh, it was honestly getting me down so I put it aside. So, I know I post ranty things on here sometimes but I mostly try to keep this a happy and upbeat place, because that is how I like it! But this got kind of real when I was filling it out so I’m going to stick it under a cut in case you just want to keep the happy tumblr vibes going and scroll on past.

How is everyone holding up?  

On the one hand, I feel like I have adapted to the situation and found my “new normal.” On the other hand, I have become a complete hermit, my job is way less enjoyable, I have now postponed my wedding twice, and none of this has been good for my mental health. I’m trying to live one day at a time and when I focus on that, I do alright...when I take a step back and think about things big picture it can all start to seem pretty grim. 

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was much more concerned about protecting those around me than getting sick myself. After seeing a friend my age be sick for months (she has been sick since April and still has not recovered) and finally get classified with “long-haul covid” and reading the multitude of articles about young healthy people ending up with long-term health complications after recovering from covid including mild cognitive impairment (it sounds cuter when they just say “foggy brain” but that is what that means i take it very seriously) I am now genuinely afraid for myself as well as others.

Then we have the political situations in the U.S. right now which has just been one devastating news story after another.

What are you doing to keep healthy?

Other than following the pandemic precautions, honestly not much. My job switched from being one where I was on my feet all day to a desk job and the only structured exercise I had (Pilates at the gym twice a week with a friend) isn’t available. I lack the willpower/motivation/know-how to get an at-home exercise routine going. Living in an apartment without much open floorspace definitely doesn’t help; I don’t even really have room to exercise freely on a yoga mat let alone set-up a stationary bike or something. We live in the a big city so going for walks is unappealing because there are people everywhere which means being vigilant and general covid anxiety. I guess we eat healthy-ish...it's not amazing but we do okay. I’m more focused on my mental health than my physical health right now, I guess. I’m taking my meds, having virtual visits with my therapist, and using my strategies.

Are you working, not working, working from home?

I am working from home, thanks to my request for work accommodations being approved (thank you ADA!). Our school closed (originally for one week) in late March and then never reopened so I have been working from home since then with very little time off. I worked part-time in the summer mostly because I knew that with quarantine in place it would be bad for my mental health to have no built-in structure and just sit at home all day. I didn’t realize that applying for disability accommodations to work from home was something I would qualify for (I got the impression it was only if you had a medical condition that made you more susceptible to covid-19 not for mental health conditions that are exacerbated by covid-19). Thankfully, it turned out that it WAS an option and I got it approved before students started school. Figuring out how to do “parallel” instruction (teaching to in-person and remote students at the same time) has been a big learning curve and I haven’t had to do a formal evaluation over zoom yet, but I’m figuring things out. If I hadn’t been approved to work from home I honestly think I would have quit. 

Anyone caring for kids or elders?

Thankfully, no. It’s just me, my fiance (who is healthy), and my tortoise. Sometimes I help out my brother by keeping my nephew occupied on facetime so he can have a work meeting or something.

What was you best/worst day?

My worst day was the day after George Floyd’s murder. I was obviously very upset and sad about what happened, but it also became the trigger point for me finally processing all of my grief about the multitude of death cause by the pandemic as a whole. Work was basically me zooming with kids and then sobbing during my prep time. I cried pretty much the whole day. I think because I was so focused on figuring out how to do remote teaching and just the day-to-day challenges, I hadn’t really had a moment to just fully mourn how many people had been and were dying. And then this amongst all of that, when people were fighting for their lives on ventilators, we had this completely senseless and avoidable death and it kind of pushed me over the edge. 

What inspires you?

People inspire me. People with their big hearts and their big ideas. People saving lives in our hospitals and desperately searching for treatments in their labs. People taking to the streets and fighting for their rights. Anyone who is fighting for a better tomorrow inspires me.

Are you taking up hobbies?

I started a needlepoint of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I should really finish that. Does making tumblr memes and oven charts count as a hobby?

What kind of content helps keep the joy on your dash?

Cute Klaine/Glee shit! Hilarious shitposting! People liveblogging my fic on tumblr ( 👀 @20xbetterthanu)! Watching @spookyklaine‘s reactions to my oven charts. @kurthummeldeservesbetter‘s lovely blog awards because they were just so positive!

Has life gone back to “normal” where you are

NOPE! Thankfully the Illinois governor takes the pandemic seriously so while things have started to open up a bit, it is definitely not normal. We are the level where some people are eating outdoors at restaurants. Me and my fiance are personally still in full quarantine mode where we do not leave the apartment except for essential items like groceries. We have done a handful of socially distanced hangouts where we sit six feet from our friends in their backyard and drink the stuff we brought with us. Also just today, I saw on the news that Chicago is getting additional covid-19 mitigations because the numbers are spiking again.

What are you doing for fun?

Well I made a tumblr, so that happened! Writing and reading fic, doing gleewatch, playing stardew valley, watching TV with my fiance. 

My big “fun” thing is that I started a weekly trivia game played over zoom with IRL friends that has been running since April or May. We started out with trivia videos a comedian I like made and now we make our own questions. I didn’t even really like trivia before this but it has become a very fun thing and my main social interaction that isn’t work or on the internet. We laugh a lot and it is a good time!

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

I’m gonna love you like I’ve never been hurt before.

summary: Could I request one where Richie plans an elaborate proposal for Eddie at their house with everyone invited and when he does, Eddie gets overwhelmed by the attention on him and runs upstairs to their bathroom with Richie apologizing before Eddie accepts the proposal?

A/N: I’m so sorry that this took so long I hope it’s worth it! I’m on a camping trip right now so to the two other request I have in my inbox I hope you don’t mind waiting a week, I’ll try work on it in the meanwhile! Let me know what you think. 

tag-list:  @richietoaster​​ , @s-s-georgie​​ , @mikeuris​​ , @gazebobullshit​​ , @that-weird-girls-blog​​ , @tozierking​​ , @s-onora​​ , @bellarosewrites​​ , ​ @ambitiousskychild​​ , @ghostnebula​​​​ , @cupcakeefrosting

‘Fuck, I’m so fucking stupid.’ Eddie complained to his own mirror image, pacing around the small bathroom he had chosen to hide in. He splashed water in his face, hoping to bring down the heating of his inflamed cheeks. The party downstairs had gotten suspiciously quiet after his performance, but he couldn’t fault them for that. 

Hopefully they all retreated back to their homes and leave Eddie and Richie to deal with the shambles of their relationship, if there even was one after this. Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if Richie decided to break things of with him. He could also start living in the bathroom, condemning himself to the life of a hermit so he never had to face the consequences of what he had done.

How does one relationship recuperate from something like this in the first place? Do any couples stay together after one of them rejects a marriage proposal? In all technicality Eddie didn’t reject Richie, but he did run off before giving any sort of response, and that’s as good an answer as any. If Eddie would have brought his phone with him, he would’ve looked up the statics of them surviving this ordeal on the internet, but his phone was abended on the kitchen counter. Fuck, Eddie didn’t want this to ruin everything he and Richie had worked so hard on to build, the one time he was happy and content and he had to go and fuck it up.

This is what he had dreamed of doing to Myra, not so the walking out clueless part, but the saying no. Eddie cursed himself at the alter for letting it get that far, but hadn’t had the galls to say anything about it in front of his mother and Myra’s family. So then why did he do this time?

‘Eddie are you in here?’ Richie asked from the other side of the door, voice uncharacteristically soft and sad, and Eddie mentally prepared for the; ‘it’s not you it’s me’, speech, except this one would go something like this; ‘it is, your fault, I asked you to marry me and you took off and that was an ego breaking and reputation imploding experience, so why don’t we do each other a favor and break it off now.’ The fact that he didn’t bother with Eds anymore installed a deep feeling of longing to hear the words from his boyfriends mouth.

‘Yeah Rich’, Eddie quietly admitted, digging the buts of his palms in his eyes to will the tears away.

‘Can I come in?’

‘Yeah.’

The bathroom tiles needed revamping, they were flaked with spots from Richie colored hair wash he dyed his hair with for a movie, but Eddie never inspected the place to ensure everything was spotless. He should have, because Richie lacks severely in the cleaning deportment. He compensates by being extra talented in cooking and taking Eddie’s mind of things, his workload or the manifestations of the abuse his mother made him endure. Eddie, is a perfectionist, and once he decided to rid himself from any and all influences of his mother, he loathed the little things he would subsequently enucleate, slipping in the way he surveyed Richie doing laundry for example, or the way he demanded a full list of ingredients from the waiter in full detail.

Richie knows precisely how to approach those moods and adjust him back on the right path, reminding him that it’s okay to sometimes mess up, recovery isn’t linear. Eddie didn’t know how to begin his life without Richie anymore.

“Eddie I’m so, so sorry, can you please forgive me?’

Eddie faltered, the words not exactly what he had lurked over and over again his head. ‘I – I’m… what?’

‘I don’t know what I was thinking, I assumed that because we’ve been dating for two years you wouldn’t object… but it was fucking wrong and I’m so extremely sorry. But hey, at least we now know the bachelor isn’t a roll for me huh?’ Richie tried, a smile so faint gracing his features. He was distraught and trying to make up for something that in no way was his fault, a pit in Eddie’s stomach settled and grew.

‘Rich, that’s not on you. It’s on me. I should never have walked away, I just – fuck I can’t think of what to say.’

He dropped to the side of bathtub, laying his head in his hands as he hunched over. Richie hesitated and then shuffled forward a step, slowly as if he was giving Eddie the chance to reject him and to tell him to go away. With a huff, Eddie circled his wrist and tugged him onwards, sliding over to make room at the edge of the bath. Richie took the invitation for what it was, and graced down next to him.

Eddie opened his mouth to say something, but his mind was empty, backtracking on the whole day and wishing he had a way of changing the past so he could say yes.

‘This is just like that one time in college where I spend the night at someone’s dorm, and his roommate took someone home too and the two of us hid in the bathroom the next morning waiting for them to leave so we could sneak out without being spotted.’

‘Really asshole? You’re talking about a previous fucking hookup after you proposed to me?’

That was the wrong thing to say, Richie dispirited away, head tucked in his shoulders, and legs crossing from the previous position they upheld being splayed out. He shrunk from 6.3 to the size of a middle school child getting scolded by the teacher, and Eddie shrunk right by him.

‘Richie I’m sorry.’

‘What do you have to be sorry Eds -Eddie. You have every right to say no.’

It’s not- I didn’t- I don’t say no,’ Richie raised his eyebrows in disbelief. ‘I’m serious, it was too much is all.’

The proportion of people present, the overuse of balloons in every open space in their house, heart shaped and gigantic, and Eddie kept impinging the damn one in the doorway to the kitchen. The only thing that stopped him from taking a knife and popping it was Richie’s manager, stationed by the it, a murderous look at everyone who tried to make small talk with him. The ring that must have costed thousands of dollars. Yes, Richie may be rich, but that didn’t mean Eddie only wanted extravagant and mind-blowing things, he was not that type of gall as Richie himself would word.

A twinge of panic martyrs Eddie, one of him being in the spotlight with Richie, fans yelling out their names and chasing them to take autographs, or paparazzi hiding in bushes to shoot the glamor shot and earn a quick buck of their backs. Too much attention, like today. Of his mother influencing him to ask Myra on a date and devoting her time and effort into tweaking adjust on Myra to make her a perfect bride for him, and Eddie finally stills whirlwind in his mind, deluding all the panic to a single point.

‘I hated the attention.’ Richie turns to face him. ‘I hate how people stare at me and judge me I can’t stand that from anyone besides our friends. All these people that were here tonight were so much more than just our friends, and I couldn’t stand that. I know it doesn’t make any sense and you’d never do that but I can’t stand the fact I’m basically fucking coerced into saying yes.’

The proposal could be boiled down to be a parody of the proposal Myra waylaid him. Her proposal, she was the one who bend down on one knees after a solid piece of advice from his mother, under scrutiny of all their gibberish speaking coworkers.

She showed up in a dress that Eddie claimed to absolutely have a penchant for, he really only said to like the dress because his mother told him he should, and broke down in weepy tears as she read off a love letter from some book she was reading at the time that didn’t apply to their relationship in the slightest bit. Eddie said yes, steered into it by the forceful stares and the face of his mother scolding him if he came home and told her he said no to Myra’s requested, and grew to hate the marriage because of it. But their relationship shouldn’t be a casualty because of a bad previous experience.

It’s not the same with Richie, but at some level it is. The whole setting was so unlike him he’s stunned Richie chose to do it in such a manor.

‘Shit Eds, that’s not at all what I was trying to do.’

Eddie cupped Richie’s cheek in his hands, stroking the skin underneath his eye, the same patch that always twitches right before Richie tipped over the edge in sleep, and smiles genuinely.

‘I know that Rich. Of fucking course I do, It just brought back bad memories is all. The balloons and the song were a bit much don’t you agree? Plus where the fuck did you find a ring so expensive this late in the game? I’ve been with you every second the last two weeks how did you find time to buy it?’

‘I wanted this to be special and exciting to you, a big romantic gesture to show to the whole world how much I love you, but I guess I failed. Just like I failed to go to the store and buy groceries, did I tell you that yet?’ Richie grimaced, the muscles in his lower face stretching back and a hissing at the same time. His face pulled in an ugly expression. The too bad was left unsaid.

‘Fuck you dude it was your turn to buy them, I texted you five times.’

‘Yeah, but I was busy planning everything, and I expected us to go out to dinner after in celebrations sooo,’ Richie drawled the oo out, ‘tough luck butternut.’

‘Okay and breakfast? Breakfast requires groceries too. I’m going to be hogging the toast we have left, finders keepers losers weepers.’ Eddie divines in the small semblance of normal between them, the push and pull they both live for.

‘Marry me’, Richie asks out of the blue, sliding of the bath and sinking on his knees in front of Eddie. The ring is tucked inside his back pocket, and he trails it out.

‘Are you serious? You still want to marry me after all that?’

‘Eds, I’ve wanted to marry you since I knew what the term marriage entailed, and I’ll want to marry you fifty years from now.’ Richie flushed, biting his lip to not let anything else stupid spill. ‘But don’t feel pressured, If you don’t choose to marry me now, or ever for that matter, that’s okay too. I just hope we can spend the rest of our lives together, as husbands or lovers.’

Richie scratched the top of his hair with the one hand he wasn’t using to hold the up the ring. ‘This the minimalistic proposal you’ve been dreaming off? Just the two of us, a semi normal evening, let erase everything that happened before this point today please, no expensive shit? Well, I guess the ring was expensive, but, it’s not about the money, it’s about the sentiment. It’s my dad’s wedding ring.’

‘Wait, are you for real?’

‘I’m trying to figure out what answer is more likely to get me laid tonight but you’re thinking face is making it hard to tell.’

‘Richie, that was the most coherent and sincere thing you’ve ever said to me, please keep going.’

‘Okay yes, it is. Back in Derry, after you and your mom took off with the sunset, I was missing you and my dad understood somehow. I didn’t explicitly say it, too busy making love jokes about your mom,  but he deducted it. That day my aunt came to harass my mom into modifying her wedding dress, and she conducted a whole storyline about how her fiancé asked her hand in marriage with his mother’s wedding band and that my mother should take an example of that, and I blared off at her. Later, my dad came into my room and promised me that if I ever found you again, he would relinquish his instead of my mothers.’ Richie tapped away on the side of the object, Eddie recognizes the beat of the number they had their first ever dance too, wondering how long Richie contemplated popping the question before doing so.  

‘Richie fuck, I love you so much. I need to profusely show my appreciation to your dad.’

‘Don’t talk about my dad when I’m on one knee Eds, a man’s, I’m the man in question, ego will be hurt. The question still needs answering by the way…’

‘If I say yes will you stop calling me Eds?’

‘… no, never.’

‘Well then yes.’

Eddie flew off the handle, crashing into Richie in a wild flurry of limbs and emotions, their lips dancing in a slow inducting dance, pirouetting him all the way to the bottom of his existent and then twirling him back up to become fully aware of his every part. Richie lead, decelerate and facilitating as he pleased. Eddie hunkered for this exhilaration, the burst of spine tingling pops either riling him up or drowsy with heavy eyes, depending on what he desired.  

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

Another peck and the two unstuck from the other, Eddie’s hand trailing the muscle of Richie arm to lead it to his hand. Richie beamed, tears glistening in the sunlight, as Richie slid on the ring with a steady hand.

‘I love you’, he whispered like it was supposed to be a secret, and Eddie parroted the sentiment twice as vigor.

‘So, just to make sure, this is not the story we’re telling our future kids when they ask how we got married right?’

‘Absolutely not, If they ever ask, you proposed in an intimate setting and I accepted on the first try.’

‘I abide to that.’

[weirdlandtv]

Like the 1960s generation had The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan, the Big Three of the 1980s were Prince, Michael Jackson, and Madonna. Their new albums weren’t just song collections, they were messages uttered by the Oracle up on the mountain, echoing across the valley. They were events, statements, re-incarnations. Each new album presented a new persona for fans to imitate and for critics to evaluate, or, in the case of Prince, decipher. (Artists, back then, had to change with each new release or else be considered irrelevant. David Bowie entered the 1980s a smart yuppie, George Michael in the span of 7 years went from sparkling teen idol to sensitive, searching biker cowboy.)

Michael Jackson and Prince were regarded as rival gods, with the former more commercially successful but the latter preferred by most serious music critics (though in reality, fans, like me, liked both). Michael Jackson played games with tabloid journalists, who in turn responded with growing hostility; Prince played pranks on music critics, who wilfully allowed themselves to be deceived and wowed by this inscrutable prodigy.

Michael Jackson’s Avalon was Neverland, a fantasy dream that always invited ridicule (though not from me); Prince’s Mount Olympus was Paisley Park, a place deemed so mythical that fans constructed their own maps from the few photos and bits of footage that existed of it, and then endlessly speculated on what life was like inside of it: the parties, the concerts, sacred rituals, whisperings, the spontaneous nightly sessions. “Did you know,” they’d say, wide-eyed, “Prince has this huge vault of original masters and unreleased music right under Paisley Park? Only he knows the key code.” Whole albums (all masterpieces of course) had disappeared into that vault, never to be heard by ordinary mortals. And he never slept: nobody had ever caught him sleeping. He just went on and on, creating music. That was Prince, the enigmatic wonder, the living love symbol, and flamboyant question mark.

I still find it strange to realize so many of the artists I just mentioned, who so energetically populated my childhood and early teens, are dead. Michael Jackson, Prince, David Bowie, and George Michael all died within 7 years of each other; but there’s also Whitney Houston, Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain, and so many more. (Compare 1960s giants Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan, who are still touring and releasing records.)

When Prince died, a little more than three years ago today, I was on Texel, an island to the north of Holland, where I live. I checked my phone, checked the news, like you so stupidly do every now and then, and then saw the incredible headline. A sunny day, clouds seemed to appear that moment. Some people love celebrity deaths and follow juicy rumor sites about who punched who and who stepped out of the limo without their knickers on; me, I get depressed. It’s like having swallowed a stone. The sensationalist cries around every celeb death to me are like a beehive of bad vibes, a pest, and I have to stay away from it as far as possible if I want to protect my mental health, or what’s left of it. Prince’s death made me take things slow for a week or so. I have to mentally chew on such things, change my settings, ease into the new reality, let my heart adjust to its new weight. I’ve often had to deal with death in my life, sometimes it’s as if every high-profile death shocks me back into that familiar feeling of dread and despair.

Though Michael Jackson’s Neverland has turned into a derelict theme park that carries the curse of being unsellable, Prince’s Paisley Park has become a museum. Occasionally, browsing the internet, I see photos of it, and I’m always struck, kind of uneasily, about how soulless it seems. What does the lair of an extravagant hermit look like? What did I expect? Not something that looks like the atrium of a New Age company maybe. Looking at the interior, those sad police photos that were released last year, I can’t help but see the stupendous mundanity of it all. The building itself, somewhere in a suburb outside of Minneapolis, resembles a bunker, and though the pyramid skylights, that vaguely resemble guard towers, provide some natural light, the rest of the building is artificially lit, but dark. The recording studio is just that. Some of the walls have sayings like “Everything You Think Is True”. Stained glass with stars, clouds, and guitars. There’s a potted plant here, and an ugly tangle of phone cords in the corner there. Prince’s bedroom was sparse with empty green walls, and a plastic trash can you can buy at your local Walmart (but he never slept of course). The legendary vault reminds me of the storage room of my dad’s old electronics company, with its disorderly shelves and half-opened cardboard boxes. And everywhere, in every corridor and every space, there’s Prince iconography, but it’s rather bland, like the cover of a cheap unofficial biography.

For Prince, it must have been strange living in your own mausoleum.

The music that came from that place though. I believe PARADE (1986) was the first full album he recorded there, and then everything that came afterwards. My uncle was a real Prince fanatic, taking a slew of albums with him whenever he stayed with us, bootlegs too, so from an early age I became quite well-versed in all things Prince. Bits of his lyrics are as familiar to me as old family sayings. Personal favorites are the albums 1999 (1982), BATMAN (1989), and the LOVE SYMBOL ALBUM (1992). I like the street-smart humor of his early stuff, the raw passion, the in-your-face sex metaphors, with symbols as loud as cymbals, just the wild mercury sound of it; later on, his work became more spiritual, and harder for me to follow. His whole being though was music, every movement was a melody, every step a beat; he created music the way other people breathe. He had more songs in him than a duck has quacks. If you listen to the posthumous release, PIANO AND A MICROPHONE 1983, it’s as if the piano, microphone and artist aren’t three separate things, but one organism, bleeding and generating music; it features some wonderful, loose playing. It seems to me that towards the end of his life, in physical pain and unable to play a piano or guitar unless stuffed with elephant tranquilizers, he started to drift, and drift further, until he fell over the edge.

Like Bob Dylan, whose mystique and inaccessibility he shared, Prince had a habit of frustrating his fans, by deliberately excluding a great song from an otherwise so-so album and storing it in his vault, or by making his music hard to buy or even find (online, before he died, there was almost nothing). That’s one reason I kind of stopped following him; the other is the depressing decline of his songwriting since the 1990s. Looking at his later albums, which I first dutifully bought until I didn’t anymore, there’s hardly anything I really like. None of the best-of compilations collect anything from after the 90s. What happened? Age is part of it of course. A decline in quality is inevitable, most musical artists do their best work in their 20s and 30s. It’s also possible Prince’s brand of singing about his women like they are divine vaginas simply went out of style. Once cheeky and outrageous (his work was why Parental Advisory stickers were invented), his songs no longer shock us 21st centurians. We’ve seen so much already. Dirty sex wasn’t the only topic he sang about of course (far from it), but it’s the one he pushed forward the most as part of his image; his “royal badness” was part of his appeal. (The BATMAN soundtrack originally was going to feature Michael Jackson as Batman, the force of good, and Prince as the Joker, representing decadence, sin, evil.)

But his supposed “badness” was an act of course. The cocky poses, flashy gestures and mean diva looks were an obvious shield against the outside world, a theatrical defense mechanism. An attempt to dazzle people before they can get to you. When you’re shy—and he of course was the shyest—you feel like everyone is constantly watching you, and you become overly aware of how you look, how you walk, how you come across; you are constantly aware of your physical being taking up space. So what do you do when you’re an artist? You perform. Everything you do becomes a kind of performance, a conscious act. It gives you a feeling of control: you know why people are watching, because you’re making them watch you. But the essence of it is always shyness and nerves.

There’s something endearing about that 1983 footage of him being invited on stage for an impromptu jam by James Brown, who a few minutes earlier had invited Michael Jackson up. Ready to upstage his rival, who had just performed some killer moves, Prince takes the stage, struts, plays some random riffs, struts some more, suddenly takes off his jacket and does some tricks with the microphone stand, claps to whip up the audience—and then as he wants to make a fast and sudden exit, he clumsily goes down knocking over a prop, stage hands hastily arriving from all sides to help him up.

He died in an elevator near the lobby, but the spot itself has been covered up by a new wall (it’s near the watchful eyes in the third image). I keep wondering what happened. Was he making his way down to the ground floor from his production offices, or was he going up from the recording studio to his bedroom to maybe sleep? One associate, questioned by police, stated that Prince had told her he “was depressed, enjoyed sleeping more than usual and was incredibly bored”, and that at his last concert, he felt like he was going to fall asleep on stage. Those were rare remarks. An intensely private person, he mostly hid his problems, not just from others, but even from himself. The end, then, was inevitable. As with Michael Jackson six years before, the drugs relieved him of his pain, and then of his life.

He never slept, and when he did, it was 4ever.

[megalony]

Suspicions- Part 3

Here is the latest part of my new dad! Ben series which includes some angst in this part. I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have just had their first baby together, but when she gets hurt, suspicion falls on the couple and Ben can’t help but feel like people think he’s done something wrong.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey mate, we're just about to head out, but uh, come in." Ben rubbed his hand over his tired, drained features as he pulled the door open wide enough for Joe to enter the house.

He hadn't spoken to Joe for about three days or so now and with everything happening with Ella, Ben hadn't had much time to talk to anyone or contact anyone. All he had done was call his parents yesterday from the hospital when they found out what was happening with Ella. Ben hadn't even gotten round to telling Joe or any of his other close friends that Ella had now gotten a fractured leg.

Ben watched Joe practically jump inside the house and spin round to face him just as he closed the front door.

He and (Y/n) were about to go back out to the hospital and see Ella and hopefully try and talk to a different doctor, one who would be less condescending and more understanding. They wanted to talk to a doctor about why this is happening and see about bringing Ella back home in a few days when she was a bit better because at this point Ben was refusing to talk to Doctor Harris who had been less than polite the past two times they had seen him.

"I came to check on how you were both doing... are you going to see Ella?" Joe seemed rather jumpy and on edge to Ben which was very unusual. Joe could be enthusiastic and a lot of the time he was excited and impatient, but he was never this kind of worried and jittery like something was wrong.

Ben folded his arms over his chest as he leaned against the bannister, a look of confusion on his face as he took in Joe's words. How did Joe know that Ella wasn't here? Only Ben and (Y/n)'s parents knew that Ella was in the hospital and Joe didn't talk to either of their families. And why would he think to come and check up on them? He had talked to Ben three days ago and Ben had told him that they were doing okay with Ella being out of the hospital at the time.

"How do you know Ella isn't here?" Ben tried his best not to sound rude or suspicious but he couldn't help but feel nervous about how Joe seemed to think something was wrong and know Ella wasn't in the house.

"You... you haven't seen the articles, o-or the tweets?" Joe's whole face dropped as his shoulders sagged like he had a weight pressing down on him.

He thought Ben would have seen the few articles online and the tweets that were trending and exploding on the internet right now. He knew Ben was mainly only on Instagram right now and he didn't usually go on twitter or anything else but he thought Ben would have seen something. Ben tried to stay away from anything online that included him because even though he loved seeing the nice comments about him and his work, he got hung up on the negatives out there on social media. So he tended to stay a hermit when it came to the media, but Joe thought he would have heard about this.

"What are you talking about? Is there something online about Ella?" There was a clear tone of worry in Ben's voice as he felt like his stomach was suddenly doing summersaults.

Was there someone online involving Ella? Had people been talking about her, did a lot of people know she was in the hospital?

Ben had talked to (Y/n) when she got pregnant and they decided he wasn't going to post anything about the baby online. Ben was in a few well-known movies now so he was going to be known, he didn't really like the thought of everyone knowing things about his personal life. He didn't want fans or just random people online knowing he went to scans or knowing if he was having a girl or a boy or knowing his daughter's birthday. He had said in one interview for 6 Underground that he and his girlfriend were expecting a baby but he didn't go into any specifics.

He knew there was at least one photo online with him cradling Ella to his chest when he went out with her once during the first week of her being born but that was it. All people knew was that he had had his baby, they didn't know anything about her.

"I thought you would have known... there's a few articles published last night, someone must have seen you at the hospital last night. They've revealed her name and that she's been hurt." Joe pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled through an app for the right article that he had woken up to this morning. As soon as he had read through it he checked the rest of social media and found a lot of people were now interested and getting involved when it was none of their business.

He thought it would be better if he talked to Ben in person about this and now he knew he had made the right choice.

When Joe handed the phone over to Ben, he could have sworn the blond stopped breathing altogether as his eyes skimmed over the words and sentences put together in the article that could only find the one photo online of Ben cradling Ella to his chest.

A fire ignited in Ben's chest as he scrolled down and read the next article that virtually said the same thing. The more he scrolled, the more tweets he found that varied in what they were saying but the only consistent thing was that there was no scrap of truth in anything that he was seeing.

How did people know about Ella?

Why were they saying this about them all?

"I need to call my manager, get these taken off the internet." Ben thrust the phone back at Joe with such a damaged expression that it made Joe want to burst into tears. He knew the internet could be spiteful, he had had his fair share of trolling and unfair remarks or articles but Ben didn't need nor deserve this right now.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. We took her to the hospital yesterday and they said now she's fractured her leg... Joe something's happening to her and I don't know what to do." Finding out Ella had a broken collar bone was bad enough, but to find that she now had a fractured leg was even worse because this had happened in less than a month of Ella being born. Ben didn't know what he could do to help his baby girl and he didn't know what on Earth was happening to her.

When anyone apart from (Y/n) had held Ella Ben had watched them like a hawk, he had eagle eyes on them to make sure they weren't too rough or careless with his daughter. He made sure that they were gentle and caring with her and she hadn't suddenly burst into tears or wailed at anyone holding her and no one had dropped her or had any accidents with her.

Ben had no clue what was happening with his girl.

"Is... is anything the article says, true?" Joe regretted the words the moment they passed through his lips when he saw the look on Ben's face.

His eyes blazed with a kind of fire that Joe knew was consuming and his face was hardening like setting stone. How could Joe even think that, let alone have the guts to ask him it? Anything in that article was speculation that was based on false facts and bullshit in Ben's opinion, there was no truth in it whatsoever.

"Are you shitting me right now?" Ben could feel his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Joe was his friend, they had been close for over a year now and Ben thought he would be able to confide in Joe about anything. But if Joe believed everything he read on the internet then it was going to cause a rift between them because the article held no truth.

"Ben I-"

"What, you think I could actually hurt Ella? Joe, she's my daughter and she's not even one month old yet! I have not broken her collar bone and I have not fractured her leg and if you believe I could then get the fuck out of my house."

Someone had clearly told whoever wrote the article that Ella was in the hospital and they managed to find out her name and what she was in the hospital for. Ben knew how bad it was that his baby girl had those injuries but he couldn't believe that people had gone to the extent as to speculate that Ben had physically hurt Ella and had caused her injuries. The vile article stated that Ben had been looking stressed and 'someone' had claimed he had anger issues which was not the case.

People who read the article were now on twitter claiming either that Ben may have hurt Ella or a few people were stating that he never could. But he didn't want people stood in his corner backing him up, he wanted this to stop. No one should be interfering with his life and they shouldn't even be getting involved or taking sides because there was no side to take.

Something had happened to Ella but Ben was not abusing her, he hadn't done this to her.

"Hey, I never said that! I don't believe for one moment you would do that on purpose because I know you, Ben."

"So you think I did it by accident? Or that (Y/n) did it because no one out there knows who she is and therefore she's dodgy?" (Y/n) wasn't in the public eye other than the few times people had snapped photos of her and Ben on a night out. No one knew what job she had, how old she was, where she lived, they knew nothing about her and that was how (Y/n) liked it. But because no one on the internet knew about her, they were now assuming she was suspicious too and that she could have hurt her own daughter just because they didn't know anything about her.

"No! But you can't tell me you don't have a temper like the rest of us. What about that guy you had a fight with a few months back?" Joe wasn't implying Ben hurt Ella or that he did it on purpose. Joe wasn't even sure Ben was capable of doing anything of the sort by accident.

But he had to admit that Ben had a broad frame and build, he could easily hurt someone without realising or meaning to, especially a baby with fragile bones. And Ben had a temper on rare occasions. He wasn't hot-headed, he didn't have road rage and he didn't go around shouting or swearing at people but if it was someone personal or close to home, Ben could have a temper and that was only human. Joe knew as well as the next man that every person was capable of having a temper and it wasn't a bad thing. But Ben had had a few fights in his time.

"(Y/n) was five months pregnant and that dick pushed her into a table, what did you expect me to do?" Ben would admit he had a right temper that day Joe was referring to but he had every right. They had been out with friends and a random stranger thought it was okay to push and knock her into a table without even saying sorry and he thought it was something to smile about. Ben wasn't just going to say that was fine, he had argued with the guy before throwing a few punches because he could have hurt (Y/n).

"You broke his nose-"

"That was a guy who pushed a pregnant lady, okay that was a dick who deserved more than a broken nose. Ella is my baby girl who has been in immense fucking pain these past few weeks. I would never hurt her and I know how to look after her so this was not an accident that happened because of me or (Y/n)."

Tipping his head down, Ben dragged his fingers through his hair as he hoped (Y/n) was still in the shower and couldn't hear their conversation. He didn't want her to worry right now. They just needed to get to the hospital and see how Ella was doing and find a different doctor. They didn't need this hanging over their heads and making everything worse. Ben would call his manager after they saw Ella and he would get this all cleared up, no problem.

"I think you should leave." Ben dug his short nails into his hip as he stared at his feet, indicating for Joe to leave. If he thought Ben could be responsible for this then he was not a friend of Ben's and he was not someone Ben wanted to be around.

Ben didn't need any of this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey mum." (Y/n) spoke weakly but she tried to lift her voice as her eyes set on her mother sat watching over Ella. Ben's parents had come down last night to see them and Ella and now (Y/n)'s mum was here keeping watch over Ella for the time being.

The newborn was rather peaceful today which Ben guessed was because of the medication they had put her on. She wasn't in an incubator and she wasn't as ill as the other newborns in this room which was a good sign. Technically she was only in here for observation to check her leg was alright and was going to heal properly so they should be able to take her home in a few days.

The couple stood on the other side of the small box-like bed Ella was laid on, all their eyes focusing on the little girl with bright green eyes that were tiredly looking up at them all.

Ella was too small and too young to have a proper cast on her leg so they had simply decided to put a bandage roll around her leg instead and her arm was still pinned to her chest to keep her collar bone in the right place so it was able to continue healing. But she didn't look ill which was a relief, it made it easier to sit and watch over her when she didn't look sickly or as in a bad health state as the other newborns on this ward.

"Have you seen those vile things on the internet?" Marie's eyes glanced up and locked with (Y/n)'s but her eyes darted between her and Ben with a look of distaste that set (Y/n) on edge and made Ben's stomach drop.

Marie opposed to their relationship because there was almost ten years between (Y/n) and Ben, she was only nineteen. But when (Y/n) got pregnant her mother had tried her best to be civil with Ben because it was clear he wasn't going anywhere and they had been on rather good terms lately. She had gotten along with him because he was a genuinely nice person and easy going.

But if she had read those articles then it was clear she was going to believe them and he dead set against Ben like she had been in the beginning.

"No, why? What things?" (Y/n) turned to look at Ben but the grave expression on his face gave away that he knew something she didn't. "Ben?" She felt his hand tightening around her own as he tried to shake his head to dismiss the subject but Marie seemed to glare at him worse.

"Marie, people know who I am. They get a rise out of making this stuff up, don't believe everything you read on there." Ben was getting to be well known now and that meant that people liked to know every inch of his life and what he did and where he went. If there was gossip to be made out of his life, they would create it at his own expense.

"What things, Ben what have people been saying?" (Y/n) tugged on his hand to get his attention but he didn't look at her.

"They think he's done this to Luella." Marie stated, waving her hand at Ben as her expression said it all. She believed what the internet said but Ben couldn't be sure if it was because she thought he was truly capable of this kind of evil or if it was because she just needed a reason to hate him so (Y/n) would leave him. Either way, she was believing the lies people had spread and Ben couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt in his chest.

"Mum you know he wouldn't do that, Ben would never hurt Ella don't talk about something like that." (Y/n) shook her head as she tried to dismiss the topic she couldn't even bear thinking about. She gently ran her finger over Ella's features but she just knew her mother wasn't going to let this go.

(Y/n) didn't care what was written online and she didn't want to know whatever the internet said. It didn't matter because (Y/n) knew the truth and if people really knew Ben or were real fans of his work then they would believe that he hadn't done anything to hurt Ella.

"Do I? I told you he was bad news and you never-"

"Fuck, mum he's standing right here. Go home... we're going to find the doctor." (Y/n) leaned her head on Ben's arm as he guided them out of the room. Ben wasn't close to Marie so having her turn against him like this wasn't something he was deeply concerned about.

But it hurt all the same that people were now turning against him when they should know that he would never lay a hand on his baby girl.

[vinylexams]

A very special fireside interview with XUXA SANTAMARIA

Check Insta for our thoughts on this landmark album from Oakland duo XUXA SANTAMARIA. Stay right where you are to read a really fun interview I scored with the band this week. They’ve just released Chancletas D’Oro on Ratskin Records out of Oakland and Michael blessed me with my very own copy. It was so good I knew I needed to tell you all about it and I wanted to pick their brains a little bit, too. Without further ado, please enjoy:

//INTERVIEW

You’re still breaking into indie world at large, but you’ve already got a huge following back in California and your home-base in Oakland. What has it been like to be featured in major outlets like The Fader?

SC: We are a funny project; we ebb and flow from being total hermits to having periods of relatively high visibility (relative to aforementioned hermit state). I wouldn’t say we have a huuuge following in CA but I do think that the ‘fandom’ we’ve developed here is really genuine because we don’t play shows out of an obligation to remain visible but instead do so because we feel super passionate about the work and the audience and I think people respond to that energy. I for one, and perhaps this is because of my background in performance, have a hard time performing the same stuff over and over without change which accounts for us being selective with our playing live. That’s also why videos are such an important part of what we’re about. The piece in The Fader was important to the launch of this album because it established some of the themes and, to an extent, the aesthetics of this album in a way that can be experienced outside of a live setting. None of this is to say we don’t like playing live, in fact we love it, we just like to make our sets pleasurable to ourselves and to our audience by constantly reworking it. We strike a weird balance for sure but we’ve made peace with it. If we ever ‘make it’ (lol) it’ll be on these terms.

Chancletas D'Oro is a pretty incredible record and while it reminds me of a few bands here or there, it’s got a really fresh and unique style that merges dance with all sorts of flavors. How would you describe your music to someone who is curious to listen?

MGK: Haha, we generally struggle to describe our music in a short, neat way (not because we make some kind of impossible-to-categorize music, but just because it’s the synthesis of a ton of different influences and it’s hard for US to perceive clearly). But with that caveat in mind - IDK, bilingual art-punk influenced dance/electronic music?

SC: Thank you for saying so, we’re pretty into it :) Like Matt says, we struggle to pin it down which I think is in part to what he says – our particular taste being all over the place, from Drexciya to The Kinks to Hector Lavoe- but I think this slipperiness has a relationship to our concept making and world building. As creative people we make and intake culture like sharks, always moving, never staying in one place too long. Maybe it’s because we’re both so severely ADHD (a boon in this instance tbh) that we don’t sit still in terms of what we consume and I think naturally that results in an output that is similarly traveling. Point is, the instance a set of words - ‘electronic’, ‘dance’, ‘punk’- feel right for the music is the same instance they are not sufficient. I propose something like: the sound of a rainforest on the edge of a city, breathy but bombastic, music made by machines to dance to, pleasurably, while also feeling some of the sensual pathos of late capitalism as seen from the bottom of the hill.

The internet tells me you’ve been making music as Xuxa Santamaria for a decade now. What has the evolution and development of your songwriting been like over those ten years?

MGK: Well, when we first started out as a band we were so new to making electronic music (Sofia’s background was in the art world and mine was in more guitar-based ‘indie rock’ I guess - lots of smoking weed and making 4 track tapes haha), so we legit forgot to put bass parts on like half the songs on our first album LOL. We’ve learned a lot since then! But in seriousness, we’ve definitely gotten better at bouncing ideas back and forth, at putting in a ton of different parts and then pulling stuff back, and the process is really dynamic and entertaining for both of us.

SC: This project started out somewhat unusually: I was in graduate school and beginning what would become a performance practice. I had hit a creative roadblock working with photography - the medium I was in school to develop- and after reading Frank Kogan’s Real Punks Don’t Wear Black felt this urge to make music as a document of experience following Kogan’s excellent essay on how punk and disco served as spatial receptacles for a wealth of experiences not present in the mainstream of the time. I extrapolated from this notion the idea that popular dance genres like Salsa, early Hip Hop, and Latin Freestyle among many others, had served a similar purpose for protagonists of a myriad Caribbean diasporas. These genres in turn served as sonic spaces to record, even if indirectly, the lived experiences of the coming and going from one’s native island to the mainland US wherein new colonial identities are placed upon you. From this I decided to create an alter ego (ChuCha Santamaria, where our band name originally stems from) to narrate a fantastical version of the history of Puerto Rico post 1492 via dance music. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing but I look back on that album (ChuCha Santamaria y Usted - on vinyl from Young Cubs Records) fondly. It’s rough and strange and we’ve come so far from that sound but it’s a key part of our trajectory. Though my songwriting has evolved to move beyond the subjective scope of this first album - I want to be more inclusive of other marginalized spaces- , it was key that we cut our teeth making it. We are proud to be in the grand tradition of making an album with limited resources and no experience :P

We’re a big community of vinyl enthusiasts and record collectors so first and foremost, thanks for making this available on vinyl. What does the vinyl medium mean to you as individuals and/or as a band?

MGK: I think for us, it’s the combination of the following: A. The experience of listening in a more considered way, a side at a time. B. Tons of real estate for graphics and design and details. C. The sound, duh!

SC: In addition to Matt’s list, I would just say that I approach making an album that will exist in record form as though we were honing a talisman. Its objecthood is very important. It contains a lot of possibility and energy meant to zap you the moment you see it/ hold it. I imagine the encounter with it as having a sequence: first, the graphics - given ample space unlike any other musical medium/substrate- begin to tell a story, vaguely at first. Then, the experience of the music being segmented into Side A and Side B dictate a use of time that is impervious to - at the risk of sounding like an oldie - our contemporary habit of hitting ‘shuffle’ or ‘skip’. Sequencing is thus super important to us (this album has very distinct dynamics at play between sides a/b ). We rarely work outside of a concept so while I take no issue with the current mode of music dissemination, that of prioritizing singles, it doesn’t really work for how we write music.

MGK: We definitely both remain in love with the ‘album as art object/cohesive work’ ideal, so I would say definitely - we care a lot about track sequencing, always think in terms of “Side A/Side B” (each one should be a distinct experience), and details like album art/inserts/LP labels etc matter a lot to us.

What records or albums were most important to you growing up? Which ones do you feel influenced your music the most?

SC: I know they’re canceled cus of that one guy but I listened to Ace of Base’s The Sign a lot as a kid and I think that sorta stuff has a way of sticking with you. I always point to the slippery role language plays in them being a Swedish band singing in English being consumed by a not-yet-English speaking Sofía in Puerto Rico in the mid 90s. Other influences from childhood include Garbage, Spice Girls, Brandy + Monica’s The Boy is Mine, Aaliyah, Gloria Trevi, Olga Tañon etc etc. In terms of who influences me now, that’s a moving target but I’d say for this album I thought a lot about the sound and style of Kate Bush, Technotronic, Black Box, Steely Dan, ‘Ray of Light’-era Madonna plus a million things I’m forgetting.

MGK: Idk, probably a mix of 70-80s art rock/punk/postpunk (Stooges, Roxy Music, John Cale, Eno, Kate Bush, Talking Heads, Wire, Buzzcocks, etc etc), disco/post-disco R&B and dance music (Prince, George Clinton, Chic, Kid Creole), 90s pop + R&B + hip hop (Missy & Timbaland, Outkast/Dungeon Family production-wise are obviously awe-inspiring, So So Def comps, Jock Jams comps, Garbage & Hole & Massive Attack & so on), and unloved pop trash of all eras and styles.

Do you have any “white whale” records that you’ve yet to find?

MGK: Ha - the truth is that we’re both much more of a “what weird shit that we’ve never heard of can we find in the bargain bin” type of record buyer than “I have a custom list of $50 plus records on my discogs account that I lust over”.

SC: Not really, I’m wary of collectorship. That sort of ownership might have an appeal in the hunt, once you have it do you really use it, enjoy it? Funnily, I have a massive collection of salsa records that has entries a lot of music nerds would cry over (though they’re far from good condition, the spines were destroyed by my Abuela’s cat, Misita lol, but some are first pressings in small runs). For me its value however, comes from its link to family, as documents from another time and as an amazing capsule of some of the best music out of the Caribbean. I’m glad I am their guardian (a lot of this stuff is hard to find elsewhere, even digitally) but I live with those records, they’re not hidden away in archival sleeves, in fact, I use some of that music in my other work. Other than that, the records I covet are either those of friends or copies of albums that hold significance but which are likely readily available, Kate Bush’s The Dreaming or Love’s Forever Changes, or The Byrds Sweetheart of The Rodeo as random examples

Finally, is there a piece of interesting band trivia you’ve never shared in another interview?

SC: haha, not really? Maybe that we just had a baby together?

//

Congrats on your new baby, and also for this wonderful new album. It was a pleasure chatting with you and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you and your music!

[exceptionallyyours98-blog]

Why Building A Great Friendship Is So Important to Your Success: 6 Ways I'm Focused on Making Mine Great

A deep, strong friendship just might be a double edged sword. A friendship that bolsters your confidence when it’s low and gives you support and connection but also someone who can recognize when you are off track and call you on it. A great friendship is an investment of the heart and soul, an emotional connection as well as physical and it requires both to be active participants.

The Wrong Way To Do It

Just a week ago I returned from an over 8000 mile road trip with my boys Ryder (11) and Dax (8). We made it to all the way to Knoxville, TN where I finally got to meet my very best friend – in person.

Planning for this road trip had been in the works for over a year. While I was deep in the building of my business after opening a physical studio location last year, I knew I would need a “life line”. This road trip would be that line.

It was my beacon of light at the end of the 16 hour days.

But while I worked for days, weeks, months, holding this plan in sight, I neglected my best friend and the basic essentials of a happy life. I neglected her so much that I feared I lost one of the best gifts a human could possess.

I was so focused on getting through the day and checking off actions items, I became nearly a hermit to a healthy daily life. I felt I only had the capacity to care for my clients and my children. I’d get up at 4 and go to bed at 10 repeating this over and over until I finally broke.

By the time I came out of my self inflicted turmoil, I finally reached out to my best friend, only to find that I had broken her heart.

Barbara Bush:

“You don’t just luck into things as much as you’d like to think you do. You build them step by step, whether it’s friendships or opportunities”

Cultivating Great Friendships

1. Friendship is about sharing openly in the good times and the bad. You don’t have to always get into deep, meaningful conversations but cutting off connection when things get tough isn’t the way to go. Laughing often, playing regularly and trusting always, that’s most important. It’s about caring deeply, both how the other person feels as well as allowing to be cared for deeply. Playfulness of friendship is an integral part of a great relationship so when the serious business of needing a trusting shoulder occurs, it’s been built on a firm foundation.

I breathed a song into the air: it fell to earth, I know not where…. and the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

2. Do not dilute or pollute your friendship with unnecessary drama. But do be willing to share authentically what is happening. While I don’t think a mission statement is needed for a friendship, we do need to be intentional in what we need and want in a friendship and invest wisely through our words and actions. Constant complaining isn’t what builds great friendship. It doesn’t mean you can’t share your frustrations but a great friendship isn’t about taming the shrew.

3. Keep the communication lines open. Learn to speak empathically. Instead of saying “You…” use “I feel…” If you are feeling scared or misunderstood or ignored, say “I feel…”, rather than – “you make me feel…”. Be willing to hear from your heart rather than your head what is being shared or not shared. Instead of cutting off communication, open up about what you are needing – even if it’s time and space. Remember, it’s a two way street – communication flows both ways. Listening is one of the greatest qualities of a great friend. But keep it balanced.

4. Let your actions speak louder than your words. There is a big virtual world out there. I actually met my best friend on line a few years ago and we’d not met in person until recently. Yet we formed a truly great friendship; caring, genuine, supportive all through the internet and phone. In my business I am on social media daily, and I have a policy to keep things positive. Anything intimately related to the ups and downs of life, I work to spare the moment by moment drama and wait until the lessons are learned to share insight. So if I didn’t specifically communicate with my friend how I was doing, all she would know is the snap shot of the moments of connection with my clients whom I adore, and the joy or success I choose to celebrate publicly.

But when I did reach out after months, I find out I had hurt her deeply by cutting off communication. A pattern I have used my entire life as a way to stay “safe” (more on this lesson later).

Luckily for me, my best friend is the most understanding, forgiving and gracious women I know. After spending a week with her in person in her home being lovingly cared for and supported, actions bolstered us both. This lesson is an important one I intend to keep in practice.

Little actions like sending a handwritten card, calling instead of an emails all the time to big actions like connecting in person and making plans to connect in person if you do not live in the same city.

There is something basic about friendship. It is like the structure that holds up a building. It is mostly hidden and absolutely essential.

Emilie Barnes

5. Don’t have only transactional friendships, instead build a deep and meaningful friendship. I’ve had lots of transactional “friendships” and am working on building better relationships in general. This is like never allowing roots to deepen enough for the fruits of a true friendship to blossom. For me, that was a pattern, I believe it stems from self worth issues. Constantly judging myself. So when there are “bad” days and I’m not “perfect” the gremlins take me under letting me know I don’t deserve to be loved.

6. Seek professional help for issues that warrant such help. Your best friend is not your counselor nor a door mat.

Constantly dumping your marital, parental, business, personal issues on your best friend is like emptying out the air in your camp mattress. You are left with a hard, bumpy surface, poor sleep and a bad back in the morning. And that’s not pleasant for anyone (first hand experience analogy from our camping trips to Knoxville!)

Being aware that you need professional help is not a bad thing. Sometimes we do need that counselor or the right homeopathic remedy or big time intervention. Do NOT be afraid to get that help. Just get the RIGHT kind 😉

And sometimes we just need the deep and meaningful connection of a beloved great friend.

I believe that building a great friendship is one of the most valuable uses of our time. It’s revenue is endless. But it’s not passive.

Blessed are the ones God sends to show His love for us…our friends.

Questions: Do you have a deep and meaningful friendship? How does it affect your life? What special things do you do to cultivate a deep and meaningful friendship? You can leave a comment below.

Stephana works with Powerhouse Leaders who want more results with less BS, for themselves, their team and their bottom line. Contact Stephana at stephana@stephana.net 360-936-3374 or visit http://www.powerhouseleaders.comPowerhouse Leaders.

[honourablejester]

Again, pardon the childish hobby, but one thing I love about internet dress up games is that you can have a lot of fun building characters from them. I’ve been playing Azaleas Dolls ‘Viking Woman’ game (http://www.azaleasdolls.com/dressupgames/viking-woman.php), and getting some random fantasy characters out of it:

The Village Princess, your standard happy-go-lucky heroine who stumbles right into the middle of the current mess-du-jour. Cheerful and romantic, but with one hell of a stubborn streak lying not too far below the surface. Will cheerfully punch you in the schnoz if she feels you deserve it.

I’ve been calling this lady the Brown Herbalist, and I’m imagining her as a somewhat shy healer-in-training who lives on the edge of the village and is often spotted going into/coming out of the local woods with a collection of plants on her person. May or may not be friends with the local witch. Definitely did not intend on following our heroine out into the world, but bad things sometimes happen on the edge of the woods, and heroes always need a healer close by, don’t they?

This is the Blue Bard, and she’s your typical semi-mystical wandering mentor. Kind of a Gandalf figure, I’m thinking, in that she’s the one who figures out what’s going wrong, and then goes collecting heroes to go and deal with it. She has a spear instead of a staff because staves are for people who are content with bludgeoning and don’t also want to occasionally shank a body.

The Spear Fisher. A watchful, surly young woman from a village on a grey shore, she is nonetheless extremely quick and decisive in action. I’d guess she’d been one of the heroes-to-be that the Blue Bard tends to have her eye on, and probably the one Blue meant to be handling the current brouhaha, but then our dynamic village duo waded in by accident. Not that the Spear Fisher gives a crap. Things aren’t getting fixed because destiny and/or wandering wizard ladies, things are getting fixed because things need fixing. So. Which way is the enemy, please?

The Young Warrior, who would really like you to come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough. Probably initially an antagonist, because she looks the type to pick trouble, but also probably an excellent ally later on, once the party has proven themselves interesting enough and the quest challenging enough for her.

The Sun Priestess, the lady in the capital city who has a dreadful feeling that everything’s about to go horribly, horribly wrong. The thing I most love about her is that she looks about two seconds away from grabbing her god by the ear and dragging them down to have a word with them. “I am a very patient woman, usually, but if you don’t come down here and give me a straight answer right now, I’m going to come up there and get one. Okay?”

Lady Sapphire, the high-placed noblewoman who has been watching events very carefully as they unfold. She is well spoken and gentle, with easy humour, but she and the Blue Bard share more than a favourite colour in common, and she is easily as adept at moving pieces into place as her more overt counterpart.

“Follow me!” A sly, mischievous young woman with no past to speak of, who helps Lady Sapphire in her more low-society endeavours. Likes to lead people around by the nose, but there often is real value in following her.

The Winter Dragon, the prophetess of the north, the hermit in the woods who does NOT in any way want to be involved in what’s going on, but there’s a secret in her blood that means she’ll shortly not have a lot of choice. Is extremely, extremely wary of the Blue Bard and her interference in things, and is basically never going to be fond of the woman, but she will do her part when it comes to it.

And finally, my absolute favourite of them all:

The Wandering Trickster, who knows everything and sees everything and enjoys poking her nose into random affairs just to see what results from it. The lady who’s as powerful and well-informed as the Blue Bard, who could have been as heroic if she’d ever put her mind to it, but let’s not be boring, darlings. The laughing stranger, who pokes her nose in briefly, gives cryptic, annoying hints, slays a monster or two just because they happened to be in the way, and then vanishes again with nary a care. The woman who’ll spend her blood on a mountain top to destroy a god, not because said god meant to end the world, but just for the joy of having killed one.

The Sun Priestess hates her, the Blue Bard hates her, the Winter Dragon views her with endless suspicion … The Young Warrior thinks she’s the best goddamned thing since sliced bread (once she’s seen her bleed a little bit, anyway). Lady Sapphire declines to comment. Lady Follow-Me saluts her slyly in passing.

(I’ll be 100% honest, the accident of button clicks that led to this hair-expression combo was the best thing that ever happened to me in a dress up game. It just went “Trickster!”, and then the rest fell into place. So. Have your standard heroic fantasy cast, courtesy of a dress up game? Heh)

[elspethsunschampion]

awkwardness is in the eye of the beholder

@sundayswiththeilluminati I blame you for linking me to this. 

A/N: The first two lines are gratuitously stolen from the above link.

      “So I’m going to start this interview off super non-awkward and ask you guys if you are aware that the internet ships you two?”

           Newt blinks at the interviewer, trying to process the number of things going through his head at the same time. Among them are, ‘yes, because I exist on the internet,’ and ‘is there a reason they shouldn’t?’ and ‘why exactly would you think this would be awkward?’ Except then he realizes that Hermann actually might think this is pretty awkward, and he drums his fingers against his chairs and sends a glance sliding sideways towards his coworker.

           But Hermann is just smiling, a slightly bemused smile. “Excellent taste,” he murmurs gently, and he’s probably trying to downplay it, honestly. Newt squirms in his seat, because he’s not sure what else to say, but frankly he thinks that was kind of an uncool question, when you really come down to it.

           “You know that the two of us, uh, like, we’re not hermits?” he says. Trying to avoid the edge that he’s afraid is creeping into his voice, he pushes out a laugh that he thinks sounds pretty genuine. “I mean, I’ve got a Facebook, a Twitter, like, three Tumblrs—” he just barely stops himself from mentioning the AO3 account, because mentioning the Tumblr is probably bad enough. “Like, yeah, I guess it’s a little weird in the sense that, you know, shipping real people is always a little weird, but where do you draw the line, right? Like, you get someone writing historical fiction with real people, and that has romance in it, sometimes with people who actually existed, and then, you know, it gets kind of—”

           “Newt—” Hermann interrupts him, because, oh, he’s kind of rambling, isn’t he, and that’s maybe a little weird. Shoot.

           “Yeah, sorry.” He shoots the interviewer an apologetic smile. “Anyways, yeah, we’re aware.”

           She looks a little put-off, but probably they briefed her beforehand. Heroes Newt and Hermann may be, but there’s a reason they’re usually not doing the interviews. Hermann is notoriously nervous of public speaking, and while Newt isn’t so much, he will just say whatever floats to the top of his head, no matter how much time somebody from PR has spent telling him what he should and shouldn’t say.

           “So, why do you think that is?” the interviewer rallies, plastering a smile onto her face. Newt squirms again. Probably because I’m stupidly in love with Hermann and really really unsubtle about it, is not something he can afford to say, not in front of the millions of people watching this, and, more importantly, not in front of Hermann himself. Their friendship survived a drift involving a bunch of monsters, he doesn’t need it to be destroyed by embarrassment in front of all these viewers.

           “Would you be asking this question of Mr. Beckett and Miss Mori?” Hermann asks quietly. “Or perhaps I should say, would you regard it as an awkward revelation if you were speaking with a heterosexual pair?”

           “I, um.” The interviewer shuffles, as if she hasn’t thought about this way before, but she gives him a small, awkward smile. “I’m sorry, I was trying to dial the tension down over this question, but I think I’ve made it worse. Would you prefer we move on?”

           Oh, god, yes. Newt wants to bury his face in his hands, but he doesn’t.

           “I, er.” Beside him, Hermann is taking a long, deep breath. “I do think the question of why people might—see something romantic blossoming between us is—well, it’s rather invasive, I suppose, but such interviews usually are. It’s no worse a question than many; I merely objected to the way it was asked.”

           And that is definitely not what Newt expected, and now he’s going to have to say something. “Well, you know,” he blurts, “People are really bad at distinguishing different kinds of closeness, you know? I mean, what’s the difference between romance and friendship, right? It’s kind of just a sliding scale, and Hermann and I are really close, obviously—I mean we’re drift compatible, even if we do drive each other crazy, and we just, everyone knows that we get on really well, when, when we’re not trying to bite each other’s heads off, I guess.”

           He has to concentrate on not pulling his shoulders in and trying to make himself look small; all of a sudden his ears are hot and he can hear everything that’s going on. He can hear himself breathing, for fuck’s sake, and the high buzz of the equipment, and, oh, he really can’t afford an overload right now. If that’s the term, he doesn’t really know, but “sensory overload” sure seems to capture the fact that his senses seem to be, well, overloading, whenever this happens. Maybe it’s just a panic attack. Whatever.

           “I mean, I do love Newt; that’s hardly a secret.” Wait. What. Rewind, rewind, rewind, replay, what?

           “What?” Newt interjects, and Hermann stares at him blankly.

           “You are aware of how I feel about you?” he says, in a slightly choked voice that’s Hermann’s Very Patient Voice that he uses whenever Newt’s being particularly annoying or obtuse.

           “Um, you like me? We’re friends. Yeah?”

           Hermann’s gaze slides uneasily back towards the interviewer, then back to Newt’s. “How could you not—we Drifted, you imbecile!”

           “What, you know how I feel about you?” Newt says, in what’s supposed to be sort of a jovial tone of voice, only it comes out very small and terrified, because he thought he’d managed to keep that secret, somehow, even if he’s not really certain how.

           “You—” Hermann pauses, swivels in his chair, blinking. “I—well, I’ve been assuming you view me as a close friend. I admit, I found it odd that I never touched those feelings during our Drift, but I assumed you’d understood my own feelings, since I didn’t think I’d be able to hide them and therefore, I—didn’t really try.”

           “What!” screeches Newt. “Dude!” Is Hermann really saying what he seems to be saying? Newt’s head’s going around and around, and the noises are getting louder, and his chest’s so tight that if he didn’t know what a panic attack feels like he’d think he was having a heart attack. Everything starts to get wavery and dark around the edges of his vision. This is exactly the wrong time for this, he knows, but focusing on his breathing just isn’t doing what he needs it to. Fuck, he needs a Xanax or something.

           There’s a pressure on his hand, the concerned voice of the interviewer speaking, and, above that, Hermann’s voice sounding, an oddly calm monotone. Then there’s movement, bright and dark patterns moving in front of his eyes, someone yelling. Someone else tugs at his hand, puts a hand on his shoulder, and there’s a water bottle in front of him. “Damn it, Newt, take a drink, will you,” Hermann’s voice says, irritably, and it cuts through the miasma enough to allow him to gulp down a couple swallows of lukewarm water.

           It takes a while, but his breathing starts to even out, and, trembling, he puts his face in his hands. “Shit,” he says, as soon as his vocal cords decide to function. “Shit. Sorry. Shit.”

           “Is it really that terrifying a revelation?” Hermann bites out, and he sounds stripped of emotion, bleak, raw.

           “Yes! No! Dude, I thought—” He has to get this out, now; he can’t let Hermann keep thinking this is somehow his fault or whatever. “I thought that’s how it was, only the other way round?”

           There’s a very long pause, during which Newt’s breathing calms down enough that he’s able to peek out from between his hands and look up at Hermann. His friend has an extremely peculiar look on his face; there’s a slight flush adorning his high cheekbones and the tips of his ears. “Ah,” he says. “Hrm.”

           “I’m so sorry, Doctor Geiszler!” the interviewer puts in, sounding a little horrified. Oh. Right.

           “Uh, are we still, uh, live?” Newt asks.

           “No, no,” she replies soothingly. “We cut to another story.”

           And that’s better than the alternative, Newt supposes, but great. Now he’s made a complete idiot out of himself on national TV. “Sorry,” he mutters. “Uh.” He looks back at Hermann. “That was definitely not how I expected today to go.”

           “Nor I.” Hermann edges closer to him. “Erm. Perhaps we should do follow-up interview?” He looks as if he’s swallowed a lemon.

           “Probably,” Newt sighs miserably. “So, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, I kind of have a panic disorder,” he mutters in the general direction of the interviewer. “And, um, I thought it was under control, since, y’know, we dealt with the whole apocalypse, but apparently, it, uh, it wasn’t? So much?”

           “I’m sure we can reschedule as necessary,” the interviewer says. “My—my sincerest apologies about this.”

           “I, uh. Apology accepted, but I’m kind of glad this happened?” Newt says hopefully, looking over at Hermann, who gives him a surprised, shy smile.

           “I suppose it was rather serendipitous,” he allows.

           “C’mon, Hermann, I can’t believe you just assumed—”

           “You did precisely the same thing, you do not have a leg to stand on—”

           They’re leaning closer and closer until Newt can feel Hermann’s breath on his lips. Well, they’re not live anymore. He leans forward quickly, just brushing their lips together. Hermann sucks in his breath in shock, then reaches forward and just lays his hand on Newt’s knee. “Perhaps we’d better reschedule, then,” he says, quietly.

           “Oh, shit.” Newt gropes for his phone. “My Twitter’s gonna blow up.” And let’s not even start on what’s going to show up on my AO3.

           “Can’t you put that thing away for half a second?”

           Newt rolls his eyes, but he shoves it back into his pocket. “Only for you, babe.”’            “Thank you,” Hermann says primly, but he gives Newt that shy smile again, and, oh god, Newt thinks he’d probably walk through fire for that look. Well, he probably would’ve walked through fire for Hermann anyway? But moreso, now.

           “We’ll be in contact,” the interviewer says faintly, sounding a bit poleaxed. Newt’s kind of sympathetic. He’s also feeling a bit poleaxed, but also he’s starting to suspect he’s about to be on cloud nine, so that’s pretty cool.

           “We should get dinner?” he suggests.

           “It is one-thirty in the afternoon,” Hermann says severely.

           Oh. “Lunch, then?”

           Pause. Deep breath. “Yes, all right. We do have a lot to talk about.”

           “Yeah,” Newt agrees. “Yeah. We do.”

[bentonpena]

COVID-19 has had a surprising impact on our sex lives

https://bit.ly/39CcHL4 COVID-19 has had a surprising impact on our sex lives https://bit.ly/2LCB7fz

The spike in sex toy sales, rise of OnlyFans, and normalization of masturbation as part of everyday health and wellness were some of the only good things to come from the pandemic (pun intended). But, if you've felt a weird sense of FOMO for missing out on these alleged COVID-inspired boons in sexual exploration and acceptance, you're not alone.

At CES 2021 this week, sextech company Lioness released a new exploratory study analyzing an in-depth dataset capturing how people's sex lives and drives were impacted by the pandemic. The data, which compares participants' habits from 2019 versus 2020, includes everything from how often participants masturbated to how long it took to orgasm. The main takeaway? 2020 might not have been the free-for-all cum fest all those trends implied.

2020 might not have been the free-for-all cum fest these trends implied.

Since stay-at-home orders began in late March, retailers and toy companies — particularly those selling internet-connected sextech like We-Vibe, Ohmibod, and Satisfyer — reported skyrocketing numbers, with toys flying off virtual shelves. Faced with indefinite alone time and the risks of pandemic dating, folks rushed to do the responsible thing by turning to self-pleasure, with a particular focus on toys boasting high-tech features like virtual sex with long-distance partners. The explosion of sextech during the pandemic is undeniable, with tech market forecaster Juniper Research predicting that the already multi-billion-dollar industry would see an accelerated 87 percent spike in global adoption of these digital-savvy pleasure devices in 2020. 

But assuming that this spike, coupled with more time at home, automatically translated into a wave of reinvigorated, pandemic-fueled masturbation remains to be substantiated. Actually, the new study, which is based on user data gathered by Lioness' biofeedback-tracking smart vibrator, found potential evidence of the exact opposite conclusion too.

Lioness CEO Liz Klinger, who created the high-tech vibrator designed to help people explore their sexuality through data, said she, "got the sense that things were clearly changing a lot for people [sexually during the pandemic]. And we wanted to dig in and understand what was going on." The Lioness team's hypothesis was that folks' sex lives in 2020 were probably a lot more complicated than that increase in toy sales suggested.

Conducted through Lionness' Sex Research Platform (which launched last year), the study was done in partnership with the Center for Genital Health & Education, and credits Dr. Natasha Aduloju-Ajijola (a research fellow with a Ph.D. in health education and promotion) with the data analysis. Pooling from the aggregated, anonymized data of 1,879 Lioness users who opted into participation, it analyzed their arousal responses during approximately 40,000 sessions with the smart vibrator between 2019 and 2020. 

The study found, "convincing evidence of a significant drop-off in masturbation frequency as the year wore on when compared to [those same users'] masturbation frequency back in 2019," according to the toy company's blog post on the study. Overall, there was a roughly 9 percent month-to-month drop in sessions from last year. While the holiday season in 2019 saw an increase in masturbation frequency, the most significant decline in 2020 happened in those same final months of the year, with November's use dropping more than 37 percent.

November, if you'll remember, not only brought a devastating (ongoing) spike in COVID cases, but also kicked off the gloomiest social-distanced holiday season ever — on top of also coinciding with one of the most stressful elections in recent American history. To be clear, the data in this study can't prove causality, since it's entirely possible participants simply used the Lioness less frequently while masturbating the same amount by other means. 

That being said, on an anecdotal level, it's not hard to imagine why lots of folks weren't feeling especially horned up in the final months of 2020.

Image: Emily Eder / lioness / CGHE

In a separate survey of Lioness users (who were not necessarily the same ones who offered their physiological data), 235 participants answered questions on their sex lives in 2020. Almost 80 percent reported changes in masturbation frequency from 2019, and 76 percent said the same for partnered sex. 

A few commonalities emerged in participants' self-reported reasons for why they'd experienced decreases or increases in libido during the pandemic.

Those who reported less sexual interest and activity (whether partnered or solo) pointed to struggles with self-care, with one quoted participant saying:

“I did purchase several new toys this year however I think overall I masturbated less. I don’t know what maybe it was cause my sleep schedule was off some months then my depression kicked up a little and I just wasn’t interested.”

Others spoke to the impacts of anxiety and stress, less time for privacy due to family members or roommates being home all the time, decreases in self-esteem and feeling less attractive (one surveyor said pandemic-related weight gain inhibited their sex drive), or loss of a loved one.

What both the survey and physiological data really reveal, though, is just how normal it was for folks to have polar opposite sexual responses to the collective traumas of the pandemic.

On the other side of the coin, the survey respondents who reported increased interest in masturbation frequency cited reasons such as: more time at home, being unable to visit long-distance partners, having partners who experienced lower sex drives, being single and the difficulties of pandemic dating, and needing the mood-boost and stress-relief of sexual gratification.

The more granular physiological user data paints an even more complex picture of the unexpected ways COVID-19 changed their sex lives and pleasure experiences, though.

Image: EMILY EDER / LIONESS / CGHE

For example, the average duration of sessions with the Lioness decreased by 20 seconds between February 2020 and April 2020 (so, in other words, the period when many of us were adjusting from the before-times and into pandemic life). Meanwhile, sessions increased by 30 seconds between July 2020 and November 2020 (which correspond to U. S. COVID spikes).

It's impossible to make any sound assumptions about what those time discrepancies actually mean about a users' sexual experience during said session, though. Longer time spent using the vibrator could mean anything from increased difficulty in reaching orgasm or a deliberately slower build (aka edging) in order to achieve a more powerful orgasm.

The best judge for whether users enjoyed themselves less or more during these sessions comes down to the person's own subjective experience. Since Lioness allows users to rate each of their sessions on a scale of 1 to 5, the study reports that the common session score went up from 4/5 in 2019, to a perfect 5/5 in 2020. 

So, it's safe to say that, while users may have masturbated less overall, when they did get off the results appear to have delivered above-average satisfaction.

Image: EMILY EDER / LIONESS / CGHE

The Lioness COVID study is first-of-its-kind sex research, with Lioness describing it as the "type of data and techniques mid-20th century researchers like Masters and Johnson dreamed of having." Unlike all other sex research gathered in a lab setting, the kind of data the Lioness platform can gather meets subjects in the natural habitat of their own bedrooms, Klinger said. But the study also makes clear that, "This is an exploratory study with retrospective data — which can't prove causality."

There's a lot of variables and unknowns that call the scientific rigor of this type of study into question. For example, because the data is anonymized to protect user privacy, researchers cannot know key information about participants like gender, age, race, or socioeconomic background. Without that, one cannot claim the study is at all representative of the larger population. It's reflective only of this subset of people who own a Lioness. 

This exploratory study should be seen as a flawed but intriguing real-time snapshot of an extraordinary moment in human sexuality.

At the same time, Klinger also questioned whether the same can't be said for a lot of sex research done in labs, which often disproportionately rely on college students as subjects — specifically, college students who are comfortable performing sex acts in a clinical setting while researchers observe.

The potential benefits of sex research that isn't confined to a laboratory environment are obvious. But they come at the cost of a whole host of variables you can't control, account for, or recreate — all things which are essential to legitimate scientific research. There's an infinite number of explanations for why Lioness users had fewer sessions with their smart vibrator in 2020 — perhaps they contributed to the aforementioned spike in sales for other sex toys and used those instead.

What this exploratory study should be seen as is a flawed but intriguing real-time snapshot of an extraordinary moment in human sexuality — nothing more and nothing less.

As with everything related to COVID, it will be years before we can claim anything definitive about the pandemic's effects on us. At the same time, what this Lioness data does validate is that, no matter how the pandemic impacted your libido — whether it turned you into a sex hermit or a sex monster or anything in between — all of it is totally normal. 

That's what Klinger believes is one of the benefits for users who opt into the research platform. "It's beneficial to the researchers for data, but it's also a way for users to learn more about themselves by participating and seeing some of the results from the findings." 

WATCH: How to clean your sex toys

For those who own Lionesses, you can sign up to participate in current and future research studies through the platform. Klinger said her team is also working on ways to make the $200 devices more accessible, through potential grants — though getting a sex toy qualified as a medical device presents its own set of problems. If you're interested, you may want to wait to get the second generation of the Lioness, which is supposed to come out soon. 

We've been in isolation for so long that it's a comfort to just to be reminded that none of us are alone in our reactions to these unprecedented circumstances. You're not a sex freak or sexually broken after all, and Lioness has got the data to prove it.

What's inarguable is that COVID-19 changed a lot of people's sex lives. And it's OK to take your time in understanding how or why. 

Tech via Mashable! https://bit.ly/2KzLn52 January 14, 2021 at 05:27PM

[365runesofthesystem]

Day Nine of Noctis Month

So here we are, me being a good noodle and everyone else wondering if it counts if I am doing it right before the deadline. 

I am here to tell you that no, it probably doesn’t but yes, I don’t care care if it actually counts.

So on with the show!

Read it here or on AO3, I don’t mind either! 

Fandom: Final Fantasy 15 / Relationships: Prompto/Noctis - Prompto & Regis

Tags: Reunions, Regis, Cor, Prompto, Noctis, Ignis, Gladio, Dinner Parties, Prompto Figures Things Out, Regis is a Troll, Noctis is Jelly, Everyone is just: ‘What?’

Chapter Eight: In Meeting Again, There’s Clarity.

“Noct. I think I am done for.”

Prompto fiddled with his tie again, making it a bit looser and then tightening it up because Ignis was already giving him a look from across the room. Noct gave him a pat, his smile filled with pity.

“Trust me, the party hasn’t even started yet.”

Prompto groaned, trying to keep his voice low and not attract the attention that was already on him.

“How did I get stuck here anyways?”

It had been group effort really.

Noct had practically begged his friend to come help him not die at a dinner party, to which Prompto had laughed and refused.

After that, it was simply getting Ignis to buy him a suit and Gladio keeping them longer the normal for practice and a group effort to switch out his clothes for the party outfit and then leaving it to Prompto to decide whether he wanted to stay in the shower naked or just give in to his fate and wear the suit.

Noct nudged him a little, giving him his best smile.

“Thanks for coming anyways.”

Prompto frowned at him but it was an effort. The edges of his lips were already tilting up.

“Even though you and Ignis and Gladio basically kidnapped me?”

“You could have refused.”

“Yeah but I think not buddy. Don’t think I want to freeze in a shower.”

Noct laughed softly and Prompto smiled.

They sat in good company for a bit, Noct deflecting most of the people who came and tried to talk to them, Prompto blushing in the background at the attention he was getting.

They were doing a good job of avoiding the party when there was a commotion outside, Ignis and Gladio coming up to join the two boys.

Ignis got close, giving Prompto a look as he talked to Noct.

“It seems His Majesty has come to join in on the festivities.”

Noct nodded, feeling his stomach flutter for a second.

Prompto looked just about the same, his face nervous at the prospect of meeting the King.

He nudged him again, giving his friend a smile.

“Ready to meet my dad?”

-

Prompto was definitely not ready.

He heard Ignis, noting slightly that you called a king ‘Your Majesty’ and felt the small nudge that Noct gave him but also felt like he was either going to puke or faint.

Maybe both.

He watched the doors like everyone, the butterflies swarming in his stomach as they swung open.

He was going to meet the King, the man who could decide whether he lived or died with a single comment.

But more than that, he was meeting Noct’s dad, the man who could decide that Prompto wasn’t fit to be his son’s friend.

That thought alone made him more nervous than anything else.

But, as two servants came in and announced the arrival of the King, stepping aside to let them through, Prompto noticed a whole group of people come in.

First were some guards, dressed in an outfit of the Glaive with their hoods down. Prompto spotted Nyx among them, his face serious and focused.

Then came a few officials, some Prompto was familiar with and other not so much.

After that, a group of more people, mostly unfamiliar, came in and everyone began clapping, Ignis and Gladio doing the same.

Noct stood there, catching someone’s eye and raising a glass.

Prompto almost felt more nervous now.

He didn’t recognize the King.

Everyone had come in and the party resumed, though there was more buzz, everyone getting acquainted to the new arrivals.

Prompto tried to spot the King, looking for any telltale signs.

Like, maybe a real sign, pointing at a man and screaming King.

But the harder he looked, the more he got confused.

Nyx stepped up, distracting him for a moment as he gave a small bow to Noct.

“Your Highness, it has been a bit.”

Noct smiled and they talked, Prompto not really listening as he looked around more…

And caught Cor’s eye.

Prompto stopped dead, his focus now fully on the man across the room.

Cor was a military warrior, holding so many titles, Prompto wondered if half of them were made just for him.

He also held a face that was too familiar to Prompto, like a memory he was missing but still nagged at him.

But Cor simply nodded and turned his head slightly, Prompto following the action and looking at a man.

He gasped slightly, getting a look from Ignis but not bothering with it.

It was the man from the garden, the man who had called his pictures beautiful with tears in his eyes.

The man that Prompto hadn’t been able to find since that day.

The man that Prompto had wanted to show his pictures to more than anyone else, save Noct.

It was a shame Ignis had made him leave his camera in the car.

Prompto ducked away anyways and instantly made a bee-line for the man, his mind so focused that he didn’t noticed the looks he got from Ignis or Gladio.

Didn’t notice the way Noct followed him, a frown forming as he realized where he was heading.

Didn’t notice that everyone in the room was practically watching him walk up to the man.

Didn’t even notice Cor’s slight frown, his face holding one of absolute disbelief.

What he did notice was the moment the man met his gaze, his eyes blinking in surprise and then smoothing into a smile, just like Noct did whenever he saw him.

Prompto closed the distance behind him, his smile already bright and full.

The man nodded at him.

“If it isn’t the young photographer.”

Something warm swam in Prompto’s heart, at the words. He felt himself blush happily, and nodded back at the man.

“It’s been a while.”

The room instantly silenced, Cor smacking his face behind them.

The man blinked and then laughed, his voice loud and full of happy wonder. It reminded Prompto of Noct’s laugh. He instantly blushed, finally realizing how much attention was drawn on him. He glanced at Noct, seeing Gladio shocked with his mouth open, Ignis pinching his nose in exasperation and Noct and Nyx just looking at him dumbfounded.

Prompto turned back slowly to the man, feeling his cheeks heat even more as he tried to figure out what he was doing wrong.

“Uh… Everyone is just staring?”

The man seemed to be holding back laughter, the same way Noct did when he was trying not to embarrass Prompto.

“Well, I do believe we are attracting so much attention due to one reason.”

He raised an eyebrow, like Noct did when he wanted Prompto to guess, and Prompto gave him a worried smile.

“Did I do something wrong?”

The man smiled, almost identical to Noct when Prompto doubted himself.

It sent flutters up his stomach, seeing the similarity so clearly.

“No. It is simply because I am the King.”

-

Regis watched the boy, seeing the exact moment he figured it out.

It didn’t even come to him at first, the boy smiling confused for a second while the words processed in his mind.

Then it hit him, the boy’s smile widening just a bit as he stared at him with giant eyes and Regis was just glad for the fact that the boy wasn’t holding anything because he probably would have dropped it.

His face slowly morphed from shock to horror and Regis couldn’t help the smile that was breaking across his face.

The boy blinked, looking away before he faced him again.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

Behind them, Cor let out a frustrated sigh.

“For the love of the Six!”

Regis simply chuckled, giving the boy a simple shake of his head.

The boy frowned, his face instantly paled as he slowly looked away. Regis could practically see the sweat drops falling from his face.

He grabbed the boy’s shoulder, steadying him and making him meet his gaze.

“No worries my boy. A mistake on both our parts. I am Regis. Noct’s father.”

The boy blinked for a second, like he was trying to figure out whether or not Regis was serious or about to kill him for such incompetence. But it seemed to disappear after a minute and he sighed, his body relaxing and his face letting a more natural smile.

“I’m Prompto, sir. Uh, Your Majesty? I’m Noct’s… friend.”

Regis laughed, letting Prompto go and giving him a slap on the back.

“Then Prompto, my dear boy, I think you just made my whole night.”

-

“What the actual hell Prom?”

Noct looked as Prompto groaned, taking off the clothes and switching them for sweatpants and a plain shirt. Noct was still dressed, as was Ignis and Gladio, who had come to get the full story.

Prompto looked away, folding the suit nicely before Ignis took it from his hands.

“Dude, I didn’t know he was the king ! I thought he was just another important person, like every other single person that is within breathing distance of you.”

Gladio smiled, his face just about to break out into laughter.

“Kid, haven’t you ever even been on the internet? The king isn’t exactly a hermit.”

Ignis nodded, his face showing the anxiety he must have felt.

“Indeed. It is a bit worrying that you can't make out you own king.”

Noct watched as Prompto blushed, seeing the sass he muttered.

He sighed, giving his friend a withering look.

“How did you even meet my dad without dying?”

Prompto gave him a confused look before it morphed into horror.

“I don’t even know man.”

Noct sighed again, feeling like he was trying to talk to a dog.

“And when did you meet him?”

Prompto sat down, running a hand through his hair nervously.

“Well, it was when I was waiting for Noct for something. I was taking pictures in the garden and I guess he was just… walking by? He stopped and we talked and he wanted to see my photos and I showed him and we ended up just talking and looking at them for hours until apparently Noct sent the whole place on high alert cause he couldn’t find me.”

Noct blushed, remembering that day.

To think, while he was worrying about losing the one friend he had managed to keep, this idiot was out messing around with his dad.

It made Noctis jealous for some reason, a thought that had him giving Prompto a glare.

Prompto saw it and instantly blanched.

“Why are you mad all of the sudden! I didn’t know it was your dad!”

Noct just huffed, going into his room to change and hearing Prompto whine to Ignis.

Later, when Prompto managed to crawl into Noct’s bed, whining and begging for forgiveness, they cuddled together, Noct making him face away from him while he held Prompto as the bigger spoon.

He was almost asleep when Prompto shifted slightly, his voice barely audible.

“Bro, are you still angry?”

Noct thought for a second.

He was and it made him embarrassed so Noct growled and simply squeezed him hard, making Prompto gasp out and twist to face him.

“Come on Noct.”

Noct just snuggled into his back, glaring at his shirt.

“I can’t believe you and my dad made friends with each other on the first try when I had to wait for years to get on barely good terms with both of you. ”

Prompto snorted, twisting all the way and lifting Noct’s face to give him a look.

“Noct, are you jealous? Of your dad?”

Noct glared at his friend, instantly letting him go and pushing him off the bed with a kick.

Prompto shrieked, probably waking up the neighbors as he thumped to the floor in a heap of covers.

Noct threw a pillow for good measure.

“NOCT!”

Noct huffed out a grunt and turned around, pulling the covers that hadn't fallen up over his head and leaving Prompto on the floor.

UPDATE:

I changed a few things with the chapters and everything on AO3 so if you want to look on there to get the immediate big picture, then go for it.

Otherwise, I will be (slowly) changing things on here. So there's that.

Thanks for reading! I enjoy talking to real people so go ahead and just... talk to me. I won’t kill you I promise.

Till Next Time

[incubabe]

ivakir:

@incubabe

“What is a shi-bu? Is it some kind of dish?”

Well, yes, she didn’t have the Internet, but it was not such a great lose. Ivakir lived deeper than in the ass of the world. Literally. In the dense forest there were not only traces of civilization, but even wolves, bears, deer and moose. Only a witch, a pig in suit and mice in her house. And now, there were two guests - a demon and a demon-dog. A paradise for a hermit who loves loneliness, but not for Ivakir.

Although even without the help of the Internet, she could remember that she had seen similar dogs somewhere. They barely moved their paws, breathed heavily, and all their appearance said that they couldn’t stand it anymore, that their very existence caused them unthinkable suffering and pain. It would be a great pleasure to help the unfortunate ones from suffering. Ivakir was ready to help. However, the problem was their owners - they refused to end the sufferings of their dogs.

This pug looked healthy and happy, no fat and suffers from a shortness of breath. The witch already thought about feeding it and eating it. Maybe, even if it was really a demon, would she be able to eat it, too, to gain its power?

And there was another question, no less interesting, - what do demons taste like?

As if feeling the evil waves coming from the witch, the “demon” whimpered.

“What, your tail?” Ivakir was distracted from her thoughts. Can I eat it too? A question that almost fell off her lips. “Th-the real tail? And you will show it to me right now?”

She blushed. Oh, heaven, she blushed like a young girl. Ivakir was indifferent to the rest of the body, but the tail for some reason caused her strange emotions bordering on embarrassment and excitement.

“Mmmmmm …” the witch pressed her hands to her reddened face and made strange sounds. “Well, show me your tail! Promise that I won’t shake it!”

   “No, it’s a--” This was getting nowhere. Riley set the pug down, and it waddled off giddily, perhaps in search of a good smell or something of the witch’s property to pee upon. Thankfully, her phone had been summoned along with her, so she snuck a peek. No service. Shit. This was going to kill her on roaming fees. 

   This was bizarre. “If it gets me back home quicker, then yeah.” Loosening -- but not undoing -- her belt, Riley reached behind her, hooking a thumb under her pants-hem to grab the bundle of rubber-banded tail-flesh tucked between her thighs. Yes, it felt strange to show it off, as she’d not been entirely serious with the offer, but, well, Ivakir’s spell had called her here in the first place under the summons of Demon. This wasn’t going to do anything that the unintentional response to the call hadn’t already. 

   Altogether, the consistency of the tail landed somewhere half-way among a three-way tie of snake-skin, a shaved dog’s skin, and human flesh. A shade lighter than Riley’s skin tone thanks to the lack of sunlight, and cut with red welts where the rubber bands bound it, it nonetheless felt pretty decent to let out. The tail ended in a near heart-shaped spade tip, edges rounded into soft curves. As Riley let it free, it drooped a little, but otherwise remained mostly erect -- in the sense that she could control it, at least. Somewhat self-consciously, she kept it from wagging. 

   “Alright,” she said to break the quiet, turning somewhat to give the mad witch a proper view. “Y’satisfied?”

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you have any allergies? I’m allergic to tangerines and I also have seasonal allergies.

Do you have any hormone problems? That and health issues have caused me to no longer have “the monthly visitor.”

Do you take any medications daily? Yes.

Do you take vitamins? I have an iron patch I wear for 8 hours a day. I have a B12 one I need to start wearing, too. I should check and see if they have one for vitamin D.

What languages do you speak? English.

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? No.

What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you? My family.

Have you ever thought you were going to die? Yes.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction scare? Yes.

What bones have you broken? One in my leg.

Do you wish you had the power to switch off and on your emotions? >> No. I wish I had the power to deal with my emotions in a healthy fashion. <<< Yes! I’d like to get control over them and not vice versa.

What are some news stories that have stuck with you? There’s several. I know I’ll never forget the 2020 pandemic that’s for sure.

Have you ever been in extreme pain that you would rate a 10? If so, what was it from? Yes, often. I struggle with chronic pain and have really bad flare ups. Also, pain after surgery is absolutely horrible.

Have you ever given birth? Nooo. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I think 101.

Have you ever gone to the emergency room? Yes.

Have you ever coughed so hard you threw up? No. 

Have you ever had cramps so bad you threw up? No, but it definitely got so bad that it made me feel quite nauseas. 

Have you ever made anything out of duck tape? No, I’ve never made anything out of duct tape. 

Do you like palazzo pants? I had to Google what they were and no I do not.

Would you travel to Paris if given the chance? I’d love to one day.

What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? I’ve been through a lot, but I’d say the accident that made me a paraplegic at 7 months old.

How old were you when you first encountered God, if applicable? I learned about God as a child from both sets of grandparents of different religions who tried to impose their beliefs onto me. 

How old were you the first time you felt loved? I’ve always felt that from my family.

Were you abused? No.

Who was your favorite teacher? One of my elementary school teachers who also ended up being one of my middle school teachers.

Did you ever want to be a teacher? When I was a kid. I loved playing school with my cousins and my little brother.

Do you look good in brown? I don’t have anything brown.

Do you prefer crosswords, word searches, or sudoko puzzles? I love word searches.

Are adult coloring books tedious? I love them, I have a few. 

What do you do to relax? Listen to ASMR, watch TV, watch YouTube, listen to music, color, or read. Do you live alone? No.

Did you ever think your house was haunted? No.

Do you believe in auras? No.

Have you ever seen a spirit? No.

Do you have any food intolerances? I’m lactose intolerant. 

Do you like camping? I have zero interest in camping. It’s sooo not my vibe.

What’s your favorite place to go on vacation? Somewhere with a beach.

Do you enjoy rainy days? I love rainy days.

Do you own anything chevron print? No.

Ever thought about starting a business? Nah.

If you were to start a business, which kind would you start? I wouldn’t. 

Do you like unisex names? Some, sure. 

What are some of your favorite unisex names? Taylor comes to mind first.

What are some of your favorite current fashion trends? Haha I don’t keep up with fashion trends.

Do you like skinny jeans? leggings? jeggings? Skinny jeans are the only kind of jeans I wear. Or used to, anyway. I haven’t worn jeans in like 2 years, ha. All I wear is leggings now.

Do you collect anything? Giraffe stuffed animals and keychains. 

What exotic pet would you own if you were rich? I wouldn’t own an exotic pet. 

Did you want to change your name when you were younger? Nah.

Do you like your first name? Sure.

Are you named after anyone? Nope.

What does your name mean? ”Crowned.”

When you’re sick, do you look up your symptoms on the Internet? Yep, good ol’ Dr. Google. ha. He diagnoses you with everything. 

Are you a member of any online support groups? No.

Were you ever on a dance team? Nope. 

Would you rather have been born in a different era? Nah, I’m good.

Do you like being a millennial? I don’t care. It’s not something I think about.

What year were you born? 1989.

What are your initials? NAH. haha.

Would you ever preach a sermon? I’m not a pastor. 

Do you pray regularly? No. It’s something I want to work on.

Do you have any good luck charms? I don’t believe in luck.

Do you make wishes on anything? If so, what? Nope.

What do you do when you can’t sleep? Every night I’m up scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, watching YouTube/listening to ASMR, scrolling through Pinterest, and watching TV until I fall asleep.

Do you enjoy sunrises? Sure.

Are you more of a morning person or a night owl? I’m a night owl.

Is your life boring? Yes, but it works for me. Mostly. Some days seem to drag more than others and the things I like to do just don’t cut it. 

Is your life hard or easy? ”Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.”

What can you do to make your life more adventurous? I’d have to get my shit together and then suddenly become a social and adventurous person. I’m neither of those things. I like to go on vacations and a few outings like to the store or to the movies, but otherwise I’m a hermit crab and it works for me.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yes. Not fun.

Have you ever had sun poisoning? All I know is that being out in the heat for a long time makes me miserable. I overheat, I get killer headaches, I get very irritable, and I just feel like shit. I really despise summer. It actually doesn’t have take that long for me start feeling like that. I’ll step out the door and feel like I’m melting. 

What do you do when you’re bored? The same things I’ve already listed.  Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. Like of who this person is that I’ve become. 

Do you like going to the dentist? Noooo.

Do you wear glasses? Yes.

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? We have similarities, but I don’t think we look that much alike. It’s so weird cause you see some families and just know right away that they’re related, there’s no mistaking it. But then there’s others, like mine, that I don’t think you’d notice right away.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? My mom.

How tall are you? Like 5′4.

Would you ever want to live in a castle? Nah. I don’t need that much space. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Have you ever been to a Chinatown? Yes.

Do you like snow? Yesss.

Do rainbows excite you? I wouldn’t say that, but they are beautiful. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen one. 

What part of nature fascinates you the most? Nature is just fascinating.

Were you born in your favorite season? Ugh, no. I was born in the summer D:

Do you ever shop at Goodwill? No.

Do you ever shop at the dollar store? Once in awhile.

What does your favorite coffee mug look like? It’s a Peter Pan one that is blue on the outside and yellow on the inside.

Do you go to Starbucks regularly? Usually, but I haven’t since all this craziness started. It’s been a little over a month now since the last time I went. That’s a record for me.

What wakes you up? Coffee can help a little, but it’s short lived. I still need it, though. It helps take the edge off and I just really enjoy it.

Do you like sushi? Nope.

What’s your favorite brand of flavored water? I used to really like Vitamin Water, Propel, and Fruit Water (it was carbonated fruit flavored water by the same brand that makes Vitamin Water and it was so good, the only carbonated water I liked, but they stopped making it). I haven’t drank any flavored water in awhile. 

Do you drink iced tea? I mean I like it, but I honestly don’t remember the last time I’ve had it. It’s been a few years. 

Do you have neat handwriting? No, it looks like shiiiiit.

Who’s the last person you wrote a letter to? Pfft I couldn’t tell you the last time I wrote a letter.

Do you have long hair? Yes, it goes down to my butt. 

What’s the highest amount of kids you’ve babysat at one time? 3.

Did you enjoy your first job? I’ve never had one.

Have you ever had a job you hated?

Are you an introvert or an extravert? I’m a total introvert. 

Are you behind on chores? I need to go through and get rid of some stuff, but blah.

Are you struggling? >> I’m always struggling, bruh. <<< I feel that.

Do you need someone? I need my family.

Do you own a shirt with an elephant on it? Nope.

Does gray look good on you? *shrug* I like to wear it.

[daggerzine]

Coming in first.....Jeremy Jensen opens up about The Very Most.

I definitely haven’t heard enough of Jeremy Jensen’s music, but what I have heard (under the name The Very Most) I really like. I went over to his Bandcamp page and noticed a plethora of releases so yeah, the dude is prolific. If you’ve listened then you’ll know that Jensen likes melody and I’m assuming he’s got a few Beach Boys and Beatles’ records in his collection. His songs have plenty of hooks but have this dreamy background and for as many songs as the guy’s written over the years he manages to make each one unique.  Some are quite grand while others are quite low-key and simple. We’ve been Facebook friends for quite some time and I enjoy his posts, but wanted to find out more so I shot him some questions and he was more than happy to answer. 

Were you born and raised in Boise? I was born in Roosevelt, Utah, raised in Nampa, Idaho (a suburb of Boise that had about 30,000 people in it when I lived there and now has around 100,000) and have been living in Boise for over 20 years now.

What are some of the best things about Boise? It’s a city I’ve always heard good things about and been very curious about, but have never been there. Boise is a high-desert town on the edge of the largest stretch of forest in the lower 48.  My favorite things about Boise are the Boise River and the surrounding foothills. I’m not a huge outdoor enthusiast, but the river is so nice to walk along. We’ve got miles and miles of trails called the Greenbelt that run right along the river. I also love that Boise has plenty to do as far as an arts and music scene goes, but it’s not such a huge city that commute times are out of hand. It’s also affordable compared to Seattle, Portland, and California, but it is becoming less affordable as we grow, and we’re growing really fast. There’s plenty of good food here too. The schools are good here. It’s a really good place to raise kids. David Lynch loved living here when he was a kid in the late 50s - early 60s. We put an exclamation mark after the word “Library” on the signs for all our libraries. I’m not making that last one up. Also, it’s pronounced “Boy-see”, not “Boy-zee,” and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

What was the first song you remember hearing that really knocked your socks off? Dog and the Butterfly by Heart. This was probably in 1981 when I was five. It was just so pretty and Ann Wilson has a really great voice. I also loved the LP artwork, which was vaguely Chinese-themed.

Jeremy and the gang

How old were to when you first picked up an instrument? Was it parental pressure ro did you want to do it? I did 5th grade orchestra in school. I played violin for those first couple years and then switched to string bass, which led to electric bass, which led to guitar. I wanted to do it. My dad claims he had a rule in the house that every kid was required to play a musical instrument, but I was unaware of the existence of that rule. Maybe I didn’t need to be.

What was your introduction to the punk/new wave/indie music scene? When was the transition and how did it happen? Well, my mom bought U2’s The Joshua Tree, which I really loved, and which helped me learn of bands like R.E.M. She also enrolled me in the Columbia House CD club, where my first purchases included their album Green. I guess this would have been about 1990. Around ‘91, my friends introduced me to The Violent Femmes and The Smiths, and, like so many others, The Smiths were my platonic ideal of what a band should be. In 1993, I heard Built to Spill on a local college radio show. Their song “Three Years Ago Today” sounded like pop from another planet to me, and it blew me away that a band from Boise was making those sounds. Not only did that experience lead me to K records, which led me to indiepop, which changed my listening habits forever, it also made me believe that I could make good music, even though I was from a podunk town in Idaho. A lot of us Idahoans have inferiority complexes. Built to Spill will always be heroes to me.

Had you been in any bands before The Very Most? Yeah. I led a band called The Yukon and You with my wife and a friend of ours. I was also in a surf-rock band called D.O.L.L. The very first high school band I was in was called Thrush. Later, all three of my kids would get thrush when they were nursing. I’ve also played a lot in my brother Elijah’s bands over the years: Pajama Party in a Haunted Hive (named after the Beat Happening song) and his current project With Child. I’ve played in a few other local bands over the years too. Never a cover band though.

How/when did you form The Very Most? What was the initial inspiration? I started accumulating recording gear around 2000. I guess I wrote a bunch of songs. I don’t remember ever writing them though. I started recording them and when I finally finished an album in ‘03, I needed a band to play them so that I could sell CDs at shows. I actually started playing as The Very Most in ‘02 before the album came out, but the intention was to have a band ready for a record release show. The band started as a duo with my sister Rachael who was living with my wife and I at the time. Over the years, the band has gone through a lot of mutations both in number of members and instruments. We got a drummer, a female singer, a keyboardist. For a while we had a full-time vibraphonist. I think something like 12-15 people have been in the band for at least one show or more. As recently as a year ago I was playing a solo synth-pop set as The Very Most, but now I don’t play live as The Very Most at all.

What are some faraway places that the band has taken you to? What are some favorite foreign cities? Well, we haven’t gone on any really long tours, but we played the UK (including Indietracks) and I’ve played in Glasgow and Dublin three times. Glasgow and Dublin are my favorite cities in the world that I’ve been to. I’m not as fond of huge megalopolises that are basically 50 different cities glommed together (kinda how New York and London are). Glasgow, Dublin, Portland, and, also, Bristol in England kind of have a unified feel to them. (Boise does too.) It’s like the difference between a concept album and a epic White-album-style album. 

How does your songwriting process go? Does it start with a riff from you or something else? It almost always starts with a guitar or keyboard riff. I come up with these little main ideas for songs and record them really quickly in my software. Then I revisit them and decide which ones to flesh out into real songs. The order usually goes like this: riffs, basic tracks, a few ornamental type parts like keyboard leads, writing the lyrics, recording the vocals, and then usually adding a few more ornamental parts and backing vocals.

How active is The Very Most these day? Any upcoming plans? The Very Most is inactive live, but very active in the studio. I’m working on a new album, but haven’t played live for about a year. I think once my album is done and ready to release, I’ll probably get a two or three piece version of The Very Most ready to play a few shows.

Is your label, Coming in Second, still active these days? Not really. Two or so years ago I had some grand plans to get it going again, but we haven’t released much. Just a couple download-only things. There aren’t any plans to release anything else at the moment through that label.

Tell us about your involvement with the band The Hermit Crabs. Well, I think it was 2010. The web label EardrumsPop had this compilation called “Between Two Waves” where the idea was that people from two different bands combine forces to create a new song, hopefully with a new band name. I decided to get in touch with The Hermit Crabs, from Glasgow, Scotland, so we could do that song together. The name of the project was Baffin Island and, in addition to the song for EardrumsPop, we ended up making an EP and a few other songs for compilations. We did it by emailing files to one another. Anyway, that’s how I got to know Mel, the leader of The Hermit Crabs. She came from Glasgow to Boise to record a Hermit Crabs album in 2012. That album, In My Flat, didn’t get released until 2015 though. Since then we’ve done a couple Hermit Crabs tracks together internet-style for the Rose Melberg tribute compilation and also a Matinee Records compilation that hasn’t been released yet.

Any current Boise bands that we need to know about? With Child, Canal Canal, Bruce Robert, Sleepy Seahorse, Central City Music Company, Bonefish Sam and His Orchestra, Idle Chatter.

What are some new bands/records you’ve fallen in love with? THE GOON SAX!! Best new band in quite some time. Unfortunate band name, though. I don’t think we left enough good band names for the next generation. Starry-Eyed Cadet and Space Daze are two really great new-ish bands too. My daughter’s favorite band Boy Pablo is really nice. Kinda like a cross between Prefab Sprout and Mac DeMarco.

What are your top 10 desert island discs? In no particular order: Jonathan Richman - Rockin’ and Romance Prefab Sprout - Steve McQueen The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds Some sort of Debussy box set Built to Spill - There’s Nothing Wrong With Love Belle and Sebastian - Push Barman to Open Old Wounds Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career R.E.M. - Reckoning The Softies - Holiday in Rhode Island The Aislers Set – The Last Match

Any closing comment? Final thoughts? Anything you wanted to mention that I didn’t ask? I just want everyone to wish me luck in making the new The Very Most album. I think it’ll be as good as the other ones. Different, but as good or better. At least I think.

https://theverymost.bandcamp.com/

https://cominginsecond.bandcamp.com/]

[sending-the-message]

I found a notebook in an abandoned house, and now I've got a headache that won't go away by toomuchfog

I’m what you would call “between homes” right now. Without getting into details, let’s just say that my life hasn’t exactly panned out the way I’d like it to, and I’ve been drifting across this great country of ours for the better part of two years.

A few months ago, I found a notebook. It’s lonely being a wandering hermit. I love books, though, and I’ll read whatever I can get my hands on. I’ve been staying in abandoned houses for the most part -- in this economy, they aren’t hard to come across. I wouldn’t exactly say that I’ve been living the high life, but I’m usually able to find a roof to put over my head and a couch to sleep on.

You’d be surprised what people leave behind. Electronics don’t work without power, but people leave behind entire collections of books. I was staying at this one house, up in Washington, I think it was, and I found an entire private home library all about living off the land and such. I think that’s the house where I found the notebook. I just sort of grabbed it along with a few other books about camping and roughing it -- I figure if I can get my hands on a sleeping bag and a good tent, I can set up camp in the woods instead of in people’s abandoned living rooms.

The notebook is freaking me out. That’s why I’m posting it here. I’ve read and re-read it a dozen times or so, and it’s honestly starting to scare me.

I’ve transcribed the notebook here. I censored certain parts of it -- I don’t want anyone coming after me or anything. I don’t think the contents of this notebook are particularly dangerous, but I don’t want to take any chances. The guy’s handwriting deteriorates towards the end and is downright atrocious in places, but I think I’ve copied it correctly for the most part. I’ve been having some trouble with my hands cramping lately -- just a side-effect of living on the road. I was able to soak them in warm water a few nights ago, and that seemed to help. Hell, maybe I’m getting arthritis or something.

Shoot, I’ve been rambling. Like I said, I found the notebook somewhere in Washington. I can’t remember the name of the town where I was staying or anything like that. I just remember that every house looked like it had been abandoned, and there was no sign of anyone. It really freaked me out. I didn’t stay for more than a night, and even that felt like it was too long.

[DATE REDACTED]

5:15 - 6:03 a.m. -- So far, four large vehicles have passed. Cannot tell what they are. Think they are vans or trucks. Cannot make out license plates. They keep their lights off. Cannot tell who is driving or how many people are inside each vehicle.

7:26 a.m. -- Vans. They’re definitely vans. Have only seen one since the sun came up. It’s a white van with a red and blue logo on the side. Logo is of a large satellite dish. The words SATELLITE REPAIR COMPANY are printed below it in black letters. Cannot find logo anywhere on internet.

11:56 a.m. -- SATELLITE REPAIR COMPANY van is parked across the street. Has been there for over an hour. No one has gotten in or out of the van.

12:45 p.m. -- Developed a headache at approximately 12:10 p.m. Took [MEDICATION REDACTED] at 12:12 p.m. Headache has not improved, has only gotten worse. Cannot take more pills. Need to lie down. Van has not moved. No one has gotten in or out of van.

3:28 p.m. -- Woke up approximately 15 minutes ago. Headache gone. Van gone.

6:02 p.m. -- TV is not working properly. Static keeps cutting through Channel [REDACTED]. Ate dinner.

[DATE REDACTED]

3:33 a.m. -- Woke up approximately 30 minutes ago with violent stomach cramps. Attempted to take [MEDICATION REDACTED], was unable to keep it down. Vomited.

4:58 a.m. -- Abdominal cramping has subsided. Vomiting has stopped. Am unable to fall back asleep. Van is again parked across the street. Am unable to read license plate or see van’s occupants.

5:30 a.m. -- Am experiencing more abdominal cramping. Have consumed Saltines and ginger ale. So far, have been able to keep it down. Van is still parked across the street. Same van as yesterday.

11:46 a.m. -- Have watched van all morning. Van has not moved. No one has gotten in or out of van. Can see license plate number [REDACTED]. Have done Google search on SATELLITE REPAIR COMPANY and [REDACTED LICENSE PLATE NUMBER]. No results.

1:59 p.m. -- Man has gotten out of rear passenger’s side door of van. Am unable to see into van. Man is approximately 5’10”, 175 lbs, 30-40 years old. Caucasian. Dark brown hair. Blue eyes. Wearing dark gray coveralls and workboots. Appears to be wearing a mask. The lower half of his face is obscured. His mouth and nose are covered. There appears to be a tube connecting the mask on his face to a backpack-like apparatus. Most likely a respirator of some sort. Why would he be wearing a respirator? Man paced back and forth briefly before opening rear passenger’s side door and climbing back into van.

2:15 p.m. -- Am developing headache. Have taken [MEDICATION REDACTED].

2:46 p.m. -- [MEDICATION REDACTED] is not working. Headache growing worse.

3:15 p.m. -- head hurts so much. Can’t stay near window anymore. Need to lie down.

7:19 p.m. -- Woke up on floor next to bed. Cannot remember how I got here. I could’ve sworn I closed the curtains and lay down in my bed.

7:32 p.m. -- TV isn’t working.

8:57 p.m. -- Decided to ask [NEIGHBOR’S NAME REDACTED] about the van. Assumed that [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] has been having problems with his TV. Went to [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] and asked about TV problems. [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] has not been having trouble with TV and has not called any repair service. However, [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] has noticed the van. [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] saw the van’s driver and described an “average-looking Hispanic or Latino man.” [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] could not recall height, weight, or age. Described the man as having dark brown or black hair and brown eyes. Stated that man was wearing gray coveralls and that he appeared to be wearing a respirator. Man briefly exited the driver’s side door of the vehicle. Damn, I wish [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] was more observant.

[DATE REDACTED]

3:57 a.m. -- I don’t remember going to bed last night. I don’t remember anything that happened after speaking with [NEIGHBOR REDACTED]. I woke up on my couch. The TV was on, displaying bluish-white static. Am experiencing mild abdominal cramping and minor pain in hands and fingers.

4:36 a.m. -- I don’t remember writing that last journal entry. I woke up in my bed feeling perfectly fine. I looked out the window. There are no vans or suspicious persons about.

5:09 a.m. -- Woke up to the sound of someone moving around in my backyard. I checked out the window and saw a man digging through my garbage cans. I armed myself and went outside to check. When I got out there, the man was gone. The garbage cans were disturbed, one was overturned. I cannot tell if anything important is missing. Thank God I shred all my junk mail.

7:48 a.m. -- Am experiencing severe abdominal cramping. Have vomited twice. Have attempted to take [MEDICATION REDACTED], am unable to keep it down. Am considering calling a doctor.

10:58 a.m. -- Woke up in the bathtub. Was covered in vomit. Showered and cleaned the tub, felt perfectly fine. Ate saltines, ginger ale, and hard-boiled eggs.

12:09 p.m. -- The van is back. Armed myself and went to investigate. All windows are tinted, even the windshield. Was unable to see inside. Knocked on windows and tried to open door. No luck. Was unable to gain access to the van or determine who/what is inside of it.

2:32 p.m. -- Van still parked outside.

3:00 p.m. -- Am experiencing pain in hands. Am having trouble moving fingers and holding small objects. [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

5:47 p.m. -- Fell asleep in chair by window. Had nightmare about my fingers fusing together, turning my hands into lobster claws. Had trouble getting out of chair. It felt like the chair was stuck to the backs of my legs. Finally managed to get out of chair. Went to kitchen, consumed saltines, ginger ale, and hard-boiled eggs. Unable to stomach anything else.

5:57 p.m. -- Developing headache. Took [MEDICATION REDACTED].

6:14 p.m. -- Headache getting worse. Seeing spots on edges of vision. Feeling dizzy and nauseous. Unable to stand up. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Experiencing abdominal cramping.

9:46 p.m. -- Woke up in bed. Left leg is swollen. There is no pain, but the leg is bruised and swollen to twice its normal size. Am unable to move it. Hands feel numb. Am having trouble moving fingers.

10:10 p.m. -- Left leg still swollen and bruised. Am unable to move it. Managed to drag self to window. Van no longer parked outside. Saw [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] taking his garbage out. Sight of [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] filled me with anger. I’ve always liked [NEIGHBOR REDACTED]. He’s a good man, very friendly and always helpful. I have no reason to hate him. I know I have no reason to hate him. Seeing him filled me with rage. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat and choke the life out of him. If my left leg hadn’t been so swollen and immobile, I think I would’ve run outside and killed him where he stood. God help me, I wanted to hurt him.

[DATE REDACTED]

1:17 a.m. -- Woke up with pain in left leg. Left leg still swollen and bruised. My foot is now facing the opposite direction. I am unable to move it. Have tried calling 911. Phones are not working. Am unable to put any weight on left leg. Right leg twitches and jitters, but refuses to cooperate or do what I tell it. Re-read yesterday’s entries. I have no memory of them. Am scared.

4:58 a.m. -- head hurts so bad. Seeing spots and stars in peripheral vision. Am afraid to go to sleep. Had nightmare about hands becoming lobster claws again, but this time, I killed [NEIGHBOR REDACTED]. In the dream, my legs were large fleshy tentacles and I slithered across the street. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] smashed lobster claw hands against [NEIGHBOR REDACTED]’s face. Ripped his eyes out and ate them. Woke up covered with sweat. Need help. Can’t move legs.

9:06 a.m. -- Heard [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] knocking on my door at approximately 7:00 a.m. Sound filled me with rage. I started screaming at [NEIGHBOR REDACTED], threatening to kill him. Was able to press my hand over my mouth to stifle the noise. I don’t think [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] heard, as he went away and has not come back. After [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] left, I discovered that I had shoved my entire hand into my mouth, up to the wrist. My fingertips were scraping against my tonsils, but this did not activate my gag reflex at all. When I finally pulled my hand out of my mouth, it was covered in blackish-brown sludge.

need to call police need doctor so much pain oh dear god so much pain go away [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] go away because i want to kill you want you dead want to rip your eyes out and eat them want to tear your tongue out want to bite your fingers off want to kill you want you dead dead dead want blood everywhere want it need it [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] run run run run run [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] run run run [UNINTELLIGIBLE] mother of god someone please help me pain everywhere legs can’t feel legs legs won’t cooperate won’t move hands lobster claws nowhere is safe nothing is safe oh god mother of god god almighty cramping so bad want to vomit can’t vomit teeth falling out my god my teeth are falling out they’re here now they’re pounding on the door it’s not [NEIGHBOR REDACTED] it’s the van men the van men are here something in the air there is something in the air they know they’ve done something to the air [UNINTELLIGIBLE] don’t let them in can’t let them in door won’t hold them forever [UNINTELLIGIBLE] what have they done oh dear god what have they done to me

The notebook ends here. I’m having trouble remembering the house I took it from. Like I said, I didn’t read it until I’d hitchhiked at least two to three hours away. I wasn’t in the house for long, just a night. This whole thing is probably someone’s creative writing exercise, right? I mean, it can’t be serious. I feel fine. I mean, I had a minor headache this morning, but it wasn’t anything serious. It wasn’t a migraine like the ones described in this notebook. I haven’t been sleeping well or eating particularly healthily. That’s probably it. I can’t remember the last time I had a piece of fresh fruit or a vegetable. That’s probably it. I’m sure that once I get some decent food in me and a good night’s sleep in a warm dry bed, I’ll feel better. This notebook’s probably a hoax. Some poor dope knew that he’d be evicted, so he left a prank behind for potential squatters.

I wish this headache would go away, though.