#i feel like I've trained myself to listen to it while I'm sad and it makes me feel better idk

[typingwithmyhandstied]

Listening to Evermore is such a comfort to me.

[nats--sw]

Gold chain (pt3) | Leah Williamson

A bit more of Leah while everything around you gets more intense warnings: just fluff and slow burn pt1 - pt4 - my masterlist

Leah's love for tennis skirts had just been solidified. She found herself frozen, her fork suspended midway to her mouth. Your video call had caught her off guard, and the first thing to greet her on the screen was you, your back facing the camera, only in your sports bra and the skirt you wore during your recent match, which had wrapped up just a few hours ago.

"Hellooo?" Leah said, gently placing her fork back onto the table.

"Just a sec!" you called out, still with your back turned to the camera.

Leah watched as you reached into your bag, pulling out a black t-shirt that you slipped on.  Unlike the tight one you wore for tennis, this one was baggy—definitely a guy’s shirt, she thought.

"Did you watch my match?" you asked, now facing the camera on your phone, which sat at the coffee table in the room.

"Yep" Leah replied, flipping her phone’s camera to show the TV tuned to the sports channel.  ��Feeling nervous about the quarterfinals?” she asked, sounding both curious and supportive.

"Nah... I don't know who I'll be facing yet though," you said, slipping off your socks. "At least I’ve got two days to rest before the game."

"Yeah, like you’ll actually rest," Leah teased.

"You're probably right," you chuckled knowing she had you figured out. During your first call yesterday, you had explained your intense training routine before matches. "What are you having?" you asked Leah, curiosity evident in your voice as you held your phone again.

"Smiley faces," Leah said, poking a potato and showing it to you through the camera.

"What?" you laughed, not quite sure what she was showing you.

"Potato smiles. Delicious," she said, grinning as she popped the potato into her mouth.

"Ew! Didn't your mum teach you not to talk with your mouth full?" you teased, though you found it amusing to watch Leah goof around. "Do they taste like real potatoes? I've never tried them."

"What are you talking about?" Leah gasped, dramatically dropping her fork onto her plate. "Are you kidding me?"

"Whoa, you sound genuinely offended," you said, struggling to contain your laughter.

"Of course I am! How is it possible you've never tasted these? What did you eat all through your childhood?" she asked, her face completely serious.

"Leah... would you believe me if I told you I didn't try a nugget until I was 16?" you said, your tone turning more serious. "It was when a friend from school invited me over for dinner. My mum was always particular about what I ate." Leah's expression turned to a slight frown as she listened intently. "I always had well-balanced, hearty meals. She just wasn't a fan of processed food," you said, hoping to provide context and prevent any misconceptions about your mother.

"Sounds... kind of sad," Leah said, finishing her last potato. "I should invite you over for smiley faces, shouldn't I?" she asked with a shy smile.

"You could... I'd gladly accept," you replied.

"I'll think about it," Leah said, shaking her head with a playful grin. After a brief pause, her face suddenly lit up. "Oh, I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?" you asked, intrigued.

"Today, something caught my eye. Well, actually, it's been catching my eye for a while now, but I think I've finally spotted a pattern," Leah explained, narrowing her eyes. "Your chain around your neck... I've seen you tug on it from time to time."

By reflex, your hand went to your neck, and you felt a brief panic when you didn't feel the chain right away, realizing it was hidden beneath your shirt.

"Is it something significant to you?" Leah asked.

"Yes and no. It's kind of silly," you replied, settling into bed and arranging the phone between the pillows. "Sometimes when I'm feeling nervous or a bit anxious, I tug on it to remind myself it's there, but it's not a big deal to me. I started wearing it a few years ago for a silly reason."

You hesitated, thinking you might bore Leah with the details. But seeing her through the screen, now cozy on her couch with a blanket over her legs and a smile on her face, you realized that perhaps this time someone would actually be interested in listening to you.

"I've never been picky," you began to explain. "I never asked my parents for anything special. They always gave me everything I needed, especially when it came to things that could improve my game. But as for gifts, I always felt too embarrassed to ask for certain things." You bit your lip, trying to stay on track with your story. "The thing is, I always wanted a chain. I didn't care much about the material. Everyone at the academy had one, boys and girls. It's a common accessory, after all. I wanted to be like them."

You fell silent, suddenly feeling a bit silly for sharing such trivial details. Leah, however, misinterpreted your silence and blank stare, thinking she had touched on a sensitive subject.

"Did someone special give you the chain you wear?" Leah's gentle voice interrupted your thoughts.

"No," you shook your head, trying to suppress a smile. "I bought it myself. That's why it has my initial on it," you explained, holding the chain up to the camera.

Leah felt conflicted. On one hand, the story ended with a bit of humor, but on the other, there was a hint of sadness. It was the kind of gift typically given by a loved one or partner, and in the end, you had to buy it for yourself… which was a bit sad.

"After I won my first WTA title, I had quite a bit of money, so I went to the first jewelry store I could find and bought it," you explained.

You noticed the puzzled expression on Leah's face; she had gone silent when you expected her to laugh at the end of the story. You smiled nervously, wondering if you were diving too deep into conversations with her.

"Maybe she thinks you're weird," the insecurity echoed in your head.

Just then, a notification popped up on your phone, rescuing you from overthinking.

"Ugh, I've got to go meet Lucas. He wants to work on my serve," you said, standing up quickly with your phone in hand.

"You have a great serve," Leah said without hesitation.

"You're only saying that because you're a fan," you replied, rolling your eyes and trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach that always fluttered when Leah complimented your game.

"Exactly, and I watch every move you make," she said, crossing her arms and wrinkling her nose playfully.

"How adorable," you thought to yourself.

"Tell your coach you don't need any improvement," Leah said.

"He's my coach. I pay him to help me get better," you said as you slipped on your shoes.

"Yeah, whatever," Leah responded with a playful smirk.

"Do you buy the whole love at first sight thing? Ouch!" you winced as your physio applied pressure, stretching your leg into a position that felt tight.

"Take a deep breath," advised your therapist, easing off the pressure. "There you go," she said, gently returning your leg to its natural position.

"It's not something I believe in, in case you're wondering," you said, laying face down on the table and removing your headphones. Conversations during your physio sessions were rare, you typically dozed off, hence the headphones to drown out the noise around you.

"I guess that's not your cup of tea," your physio chuckled softly, now focusing on massaging your calves. "Is she pretty? They say love often comes in through the eyes, especially if it's love at first sight, as you said."

"She's definitely pretty, yeah," you admitted, wincing as your therapist's thumbs applied pressure into your muscles. "Geez, who said these sessions were relaxing?" you muttered, closing your eyes to bear the discomfort. "She's pretty, but it's more than that... I feel like I can talk to her."

"Y/N, you talk with tons of people every day," your therapist reminded you. "Honestly, you never seem to stop talking," she added with a laugh.

"It's different with her. I can talk about anything, even tennis, but there's no pressure... It's like talking to her puts me at ease," you explained.

It was so calming that you had fallen asleep chatting with her the last two nights.

"I shouldn't be catching feelings for someone I'm just getting to know," you sighed.

"Well, actually, it's perfectly normal," your physio reassured you.

You sighed with relief as the tension in your muscles began to ease under her skilled hands. It wasn't a sigh of relief because someone validated your growing feelings for Leah. Definitely not.

"There are times when love hits you fast and hard, you know? When it's intense." the woman explained, now focusing on your back. "And you, my dear, are intense. It wouldn't be surprising if you fell in love just as fast."

"I haven't fallen in love," you protested, attempting to sit up from the table, but your therapist effortlessly kept you pinned down with a swift motion.

"And you're impulsive," she added with a tired sigh, familiar with your reactions. "I'm surprised you haven't declared yourself to her already."

"There is no one," you insisted.

"You've already admitted there's a pretty girl and that you have feelings for her, even if you're not quite sure what those feelings are yet," she teased with a mischievous smile. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone special," she suggested, helping you onto your back on the table. "She could be good for you… here" she said, gently touching your heart. "And here," she continued, touching your temple with her finger.

"What are we watching?" Lia asked, settling down next to Leah on the couch. They had planned a dinner date to catch up, but Lia suspected it was more about Leah avoiding another night of cooking.

"There's a match about to start," Leah replied, quickly grabbing the remote from her friend's hands.

Lia glanced at the screen, which now displayed the stats of two tennis players. "Has Wimbledon started already?"

"No," Leah sighed, rolling her eyes. "There are tournaments throughout the year, not just the Grand Slams," she explained, her focus on the screen.

"Since when are you an expert on this?" Lia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's basic knowledge, not all sports revolve around football," Leah defended herself as the players stepped onto the court.

"Is this match a big deal?" 

"It's the quarterfinals," Leah replied.

"How do they win?" Lia inquired further.

"They win by taking two sets." Leah explained, her irritation starting to show.

"And how do they win those sets?" Lia pressed on.

"God, Lia, just watch and you'll figure it out," Leah snapped, feeling her nerves creeping in. She was clearly on edge.

“Why are you so grumpy today?” Lia eyed her suspiciously.

"What's wrong with her? What's she doing?" murmured Leah, leaning back on the couch, her eyes glued to the match on the tv screen.

"Huh?" Lia turned to her.

"She's struggling to reach her shots," Leah pointed out, just as you lost another point. "She had the match in her bag."

It was true. You had started strong, winning the first set 6-1 and even taking a 4-1 lead in the second set. But now, your opponent had fought back, and you found yourself in a 1-6 tiebreaker, unable to secure more than a single point.

"Set point," was announced on the tv, and Leah waved her hand.

You positioned yourself, shifting from side to side, anticipating your opponent's serve. But before you could react, she sent a powerful shot down the line, leaving you with no chance to return it.

"Bloody hell," Leah exclaimed, standing up from the couch.

"Woah, I didn't know you were so into tennis," Lia remarked, intrigued by Leah's intense reaction.

"It just frustrates me when they give away easy points during a match," Leah explained, which was partly true. Your unforced errors had contributed to your opponent's comeback in the set.

Leah let out a long sigh and sank back onto the couch. She couldn't relax until you managed to turn the match around and win the third set tiebreaker 7-4, securing your spot in the semifinals. You had come dangerously close to losing your spot in the semifinals.

Leah couldn't bring herself to try talking to you all day. It had been a dreadful match, one of the worst she had ever seen you play. Despite not knowing you that well, Leah figured you probably needed some space and didn't want to talk to anyone for a while. She had watched you storm off the court after the match, something she had never seen you do before. The heated exchanges with the chair umpire and the tense moments with your coach had been impossible to ignore. 

She had only mustered the courage to send a brief message: 

"Hope you're doing okay." 

But you hadn't responded yet.

So, when she was already tucked up in bed, half asleep, she was surprised to see an incoming video call from you.

"Y/N?" Leah replied, not looking at the screen as she fumbled to switch on her nightstand lamp.

"Shit, I didn't mean to wake you up." you apologized.

"I wasn't quite asleep yet," Leah said, finally turning her attention to the screen. "Are you okay?" she asked, sitting up in bed, noticing your slightly red and puffy eyes.

"Yeah," you lied, settling back on the couch and pulling your blanket up to your neck. "What about you? How was your day?"

"I just watched your match, which was horrible," Leah thought, feeling sorry for you, but instead she replied, "Not much. I just had dinner with some friends."

Leah couldn't help but smile as she saw your features relax at her answer. She knew you had probably anticipated her bringing up the match. You had mentioned how intense your day usually was: tennis talk at breakfast, tennis talk in the afternoon, tennis talk at dinner.

"Nothing too delicious," Leah continued. "Did you have dinner?"

You didn't respond verbally, instead, you shook your head and bit your lip, a sign of your struggle to hold back tears. Leah immediately noticed.

"I was running late and didn't feel like eating alone," you explained. "But my physio brought me a sandwich about half an hour ago. I'm just not hungry."

Leah frowned. She mentally calculated the hours since the match had ended at noon. Considering the disastrous game, you probably hadn't eaten afterward, and your stomach was likely empty except for breakfast.

"You should eat," Leah insisted gently.

"I don't want to eat alone, it's... depressing," you admitted, sinking further into the couch. Leah could barely see your mouth now, the blanket covering you.

"Okay, hold on," Leah said, letting out a sigh as she got out of bed. She placed the phone on her bed and reached for a hoodie. "Come on," she said, picking up her phone again.

You watched through the screen as Leah left her room and headed to her kitchen, leaving the phone on the counter.

"Okay, what kind of sandwich did you get?"

"Huh?"

"I'll eat with you," Leah explained simply, reaching for the bag of bread. "Well?"

You rolled your eyes but couldn't help but smile. It was such a tender gesture, one that softened your heart. Leaning over to the coffee table, you picked up the bag your physio had left there. You hadn't even opened it yet.

"Let me see..." you said, pulling out the sandwich and reading the ingredients on the box. "Tuna, cucumber, mayonnaise, and salad cream."

"Ugh, not my favorite," Leah said, her face visible at the edge of the screen as she looked through her fridge.

"What's your favorite?" you asked, starting to unwrap your sandwich. Suddenly feeling your appetite return.

"I'm a ham and cheese girl. I like to keep it simple," Leah explained, already assembling her own sandwich.

"Sounds boring," you teased with a chuckle. Leah stuck her tongue out at you. "I prefer egg sandwiches. Probably the store didn't have any."

"What else did your physio get you?"

"Uh... a bottle of water and a bottle of juice."

"Orange?" Leah guessed, reaching for a box of orange juice.

"Yes," you confirmed, smiling as you watched Leah return to the couch, settled in just like you with a blanket on her lap. She held up her sandwich to the camera.

"Shall we eat?"

An hour later, you were in bed, with Leah still on the screen, tucked under her own sheets. The time had flown by as Leah passionately tried to convince you why Arsenal was the top club in London.

"Uh, according to Google, the men's team hasn't won a league since 2004," you teased in a mocking tone, enjoying Leah's furrowed brow and her stumbling attempts to defend her team. "And the women's team... maybe I shouldn't say anything," you added innocently, staring up at the ceiling.

"Oi! You're being mean!" Leah protested. "I just won a cup, you know?"

Of course you knew, you had seen the post on Leah’s instagram. 

"Winning a cup isn't quite the same as winning a league," you continued to tease.

"What would you know about it? You only just learned the difference between a cup and a league because I explained it to you," Leah retorted, though she couldn't help but crack a smile. Despite her attempt to feign annoyance, she couldn't shake the sense of relief seeing you in a better mood than an hour ago "You're such a headache sometimes.”

"Sorry," you said between laughs. "Well, I'd better get some sleep. Got an early start tomorrow."

Leah's heart sank at the reminder of your upcoming semifinal match. She knew you had pushed yourself to the limit today, both physically and mentally.

"Thank you," you added, catching Leah off guard.

"Huh?" Leah's brow furrowed in confusion.

"For not bringing that up," you explained, your cheeks tinted with embarrassment. "I really appreciate it... I just needed to talk to someone. And you're easy to talk to."

Leah's heart skipped a beat. 

"It was nothing. You can talk to me anytime, about anything, including that," Leah assured, offering you a warm smile.

You fell silent for a moment, your eyes closed. Leah almost thought you had drifted off to sleep until she heard your voice again.

"I've never won a semifinal match on grass," you confessed. "I hate playing on grass. I can't move like I want to, can't slide, the ball bounces weird... It's a faster game, and I don't like it."

Leah struggled to find the right words to comfort you, though it seemed you weren't seeking comfort. You just needed to vocalize your thoughts.

"Well… get some good rest," you said "Speak to you tomorrow."

"Sleep well," Leah replied softly, just before you disappeared from her screen.

Leah hadn't been able to watch your game; she'd been tied up with a radio interview in the afternoon. Perhaps it was a good thing, sparing her from witnessing what felt like a complete disaster.

You were trailing 1-0 after losing the first set 6-2.

"Y/N, listen up," Lucas's voice echoed in your head as you wiped your face with your towel. He sounded both concerned and frustrated. "You've got to get up to the net. Focus and do it just like we practiced this morning.”

The tension intensified in the second set, now tied at 3-3. Each point intensified, increasing the pressure on your already fatigued body.

Struggling to steady your breath and calm your racing heart, you attempted to regain your composure. Lucas's instructions only seemed to agitate you further. Your serves lacked accuracy and power, the weight of exhaustion settled in your arms and legs.

With your breath hitching, you turned to Lucas "Gotta keep your mouth shut," you muttered to him, before returning to your position on the court.

You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, trying to shut out your coach's voice which, instead of helping, was only adding to the overwhelming pressure and fear of failure creeping in. 

For a while, you felt completely disconnected from the game, just focusing on getting the ball back over the net and hoping for the best. Your ears felt muffled, you swung at balls in every direction, chasing after them when your legs allowed. It felt like your body was on autopilot.

When you finally regained control, you glanced at the scoreboard. It read 5-4, with the set tied at 30-30. Had you been playing for that long already?

"Just 2 more points and I'm out," you muttered to yourself, accepting the ball from the ball kid who hesitated a moment before returning to her position. Your emotional state must have caught her attention, you could feel tears welling up, but you refused to let them fall now. You couldn't afford to show weakness, not in front of them.

You adjusted your visor lower, not too concerned that it obstructed your view. After all, you were resigned to the inevitable defeat, recovering from this set, let alone the entire match, felt beyond your grasp.

Taking a deep breath, you served. Your opponent effortlessly returned the ball, and when you sent it back, she executed a perfect drop shot with spin. Despite your best efforts, your legs failed to get you to the net before the ball bounced a second time. 

All you could do was shake your head and chuckle at the brilliance of the shot. It was a damn good point.

The next rally was a bit longer. Determined to get at least a point, you decided to take a calculated risk. You placed the ball strategically close to the net, hoping to force your opponent into a difficult position. Yet, she managed to return the ball, forcing you to approach the net. Anticipating her move, you weren't surprised when the ball sailed over your head, landing just inside the line behind you.

And with that, it was over.

"Stay the hell away from me!" you shouted as Lucas and your physio entered the dressing room. You pointed your racket at him. "I don't want to hear a word from you!"

"Y/N, calm down," Lucas said, his brow furrowed in concern.

"I said no! Get out!" Tears streaked down your face, your voice raw with frustration. "You're the reason I lost!" you accused him, venom lacing your words as you vented on your racket, smashing it against the ground. "You told me to charge the net," you seethed, the anger palpable. "And what happens? She pulls off the damn shot of her life!"

Deep down, you knew it wasn't entirely his fault.

Lucas struggled to make out your words through your sobs and the racket's crashing impact. He signaled to your physio to grab your bag of remaining rackets before you decided to destroy another one.

"You need to cool off," your physio interjected, her tone firm.

"I need everyone to leave me the hell alone!" you yelled, throwing the shattered pieces of your racket against the wall in a burst of frustration.

Lucas shook his head and firmly guided you to sit on the bench. "Listen to me," he said,but you shook your head, lost in your thoughts. Frustrated, Lucas removed your visor and tossed it aside to get a clear view of your face, then gently tilted your chin to meet his eyes. "I said listen to me, kiddo."

You met his gaze, holding your breath. He looked visibly upset, his brow furrowed deeper than usual. Taking a moment to study him, you noticed the new wrinkles and more gray hairs, likely a result of the stress you often caused him.

"You played well today," he continued, his voice steady but firm, still holding your gaze. "But she played better. It's not a reflection of your performance, it's not about you playing badly. Can we improve? Absolutely. And we will, I promise you that. But for now, we need to stop."

"What do you mean?" you asked.

"You're drained," your physio chimed in. "Your body can't handle more. Your muscles are exhausted."

"And your mind isn't much better. Since the first game you've been clouded," Lucas added, sighing. "We're heading back to England first thing tomorrow."

"Eastbourne?" you asked. 

Lucas shook his head. "No, you won't be playing in any more tournaments until Wimbledon. I've made it clear, you need to stop," he said firmly, now taking a seat beside you. "We're heading to London. Your psychologist is already there."

You had resisted having a psychologist travel with your team for months, but now circumstances were different.

"You'll see the psychologist tomorrow and then you'll rest for a few days. Your rackets are off-limits," your physio said, your bag slung over her shoulder as she tried to lighten the mood. "Seriously, no tennis, not even for fun," she added quickly, when she saw you about to protest. "We'll focus on light gym sessions, nothing more. These are your days off, you'll do anything but tennis."

You nodded, feeling somewhat scolded, almost like a child.

As the tension eased, the reality of a few days off in London began to sink in.

"Leah," you muttered. 

"Huh? Did you say something?" Lucas turned to you when he heard your voice. You hadn't realized you had spoken aloud.

"What time is our flight?"

[iidrk3i]

☆ BUMP IN THE ROAD

hq -- kageyama tobio x gn!reader, iwaizumi hajime x gn!reader, kuroo tetsurou x gn!reader, oikawa tooru x gn!reader

summary: facing difficult challenges with your boyfriend.

warnings: angsty but comfort, slight food mentions (most of them are over dinner srry i was hungry😭), some crying

word count: 1.9k

✦ KAGEYAMA TOBIO. miscommunication

you knew that volleyball was important to your boyfriend. heck, everyone in school knew. at the start of the season, you were still able to see kageyama in between class periods and lunch break. but as the season went on, you noticed that it was becoming harder to see kageyama at school and outside of school. sometimes he would even skip lunch breaks to practice. it was clear that kageyama was dedicated to training and improving his skills. it was also clear that practicing 24/7 left him with little time for anything else.

you had patiently been waiting for an opportunity to spend quality time with kageyama. earlier today, you texted him and asked if he would like to come over and eat dinner with you. at first, you were left on read. you were worried to say the least. it's been around 2 since you've last spent time with him in person. as you were looking back at the previous messages between you and kageyama, there was a pattern with his texts. they've all been short and quick. around an hour later, you had gotten a notification that he had liked your message. taking that as a sign that he was on his way to your place, you had started to make his favorite meal, and as if on cue, there was a knock on the door.

“hey, tobio,” you greeted him with a soft smile as you opened the door.

“hey,” he mumbled, head tilted down as he swiftly walked in and took his shoes off.

those were the only words exchanged for a while. the both of you were sitting at your kitchen island, the only noise that was heard were the forks scraping against your plates.

“tobio?” you looked up at him. his hair was disheveled, eyebags evident on his face, and his eyes were empty.

"tobio?" you repeated softly, concern evnident in your voice. his demeanor was so different from the lively, determined kageyama you knew.

he glanced up briefly, meeting your gaze for a fleeting moment before his eyes dropped again. "sorry," he murmured, pushing his food around on his plate without much appetite.

you hesitated, unsure of how to approach the growing distance between you. "is everything okay?" you asked gently, reaching out to touch his hand.

he tensed slightly at your touch, pulling his hand away, as if a reflex. "i'm fine," he replied curtly, his tone cold.

the air between you thickened with tension. you knew kageyama well enough to recognize when something was bothering him, but getting him to open up was always a challenge.

"i... i missed you," you admitted quietly, hoping your vulnerability would help him speak his mind.

he sighed heavily, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. "i know," he said finally, his voice hinted with frustration. "i've just been... stressed. there's a lot ofpressure this season, and i feel like i'm letting everyone down if i don't keep improving."

you listened attentively, heart aching for the weight he carried on his shoulders. "you're not letting anyone down, tobio," you assured him gently. "we all see how hard you're working, and we're proud of you. but... i miss you too. i miss us."

he looked up at you then, sadness in his eyes. "i miss us too," he admitted quietly, remorse clear in his tone. "i'm sorry if i've been distant. i just... i want to be the best for the team, for myself."

you nodded understandingly, reaching out to hold his hand again, this time finding no resistance. "you don't have to do it alone, tobio," you murmured, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "we're here for you. i'm here for you."

he squeezed your hand back gratefully, a small, tired smile tugging at his lips. "thank you," he whispered, his voice laced with emotion.

—

✦ IWAIZUMI HAJIME. lies

iwaizumi had been acting unusually distant and preoccupied for the past few days, which hadn't gone unnoticed by you. despite your attempts to engage him in conversation or spend time together, iwaizumi seemed to be avoiding them, always coming up with excuses about extra training sessions or team meetings.

one evening, after a particularly long and tiring day for both of you, you decided to surprise him with dinner at his place. you had been looking forward to some quality time together, hoping it would give you guys a chance to reconnect. right as you arrived at his doorstep with bags of groceries in hand, you were surprised to find iwaizumi already home, looking visibly surprised and flustered at your unexpected visit.

"hey, haji," you greeted him with a smile, trying to ignore the tension in the air. "i thought i'd make us dinner tonight. i hope that's okay."

iwaizumi hesitated for a moment, glancing nervously towards the kitchen. "actually, um, i have plans with the team tonight," he replied, his voice sounding strained.

your smile faltered slightly, a disappointed expression creeping onto your face. "but you said you were free tonight," you pointed out gently, feeling a wave of hurt.

iwaizumi sighed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "yeah, something came up last minute. it's important, i promise," he insisted, avoiding your gaze.

feeling a mix of frustration and confusion, you couldn't help but press further. "hajime, is everything okay? you've been distant lately, and now this..."

he looked torn, clearly struggling with his next words. "it's just... there's been a lot going on with the team. i didn't want to worry you," he finally admitted, his voice tinged with guilt.

your eyebrows furrowed. "so you lied to me?" you asked softly, hurt evident in your tone.

iwaizumi looked torn, realizing the weight of his actions. "i didn't mean to," he started, but you interrupted, your frustration bubbling over.

"you didn't mean to lie, or you didn't mean to hurt me?" you questioned, your voice going against you as it trembled slightly.

iwaizumi sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "i'm sorry," he apologized sincerely, meeting your gaze finally. "i didn't handle this well. i just... i didn't want to burden you with my problems."

you softened slightly, recognizing the sincerity in his apology. "i understand, but i want us to be honest with each other, hajime," you said firmly, your hurt still lingering.

he nodded, reaching out to gently touch your arm. "i know. i'll do better," he promised as he got up from where he was, and engulfed you in a hug.

—

✦ KUROO TETSUROU. past actions

kuroo had been unusually quiet all evening, a brooding intensity replaced his normally easy going demeanor. as you and your boyfriend sat across from each other at the dinner table, the tension in the air was obvious. you glanced up from your plate, sensing something was wrong.

"is everything okay, tetsu?" you asked tentatively, voice breaking the uneasy silence.

kuroo sighed heavily, setting down his fork with more force than necessary. "no, not really."

you furrowed your brows, concerned. "what’s wrong? you’ve been distant all day."

"that’s the thing," he began, tone tinged with frustration. "it’s not just today. i feel like we keep having the same issues, over and over again."

your heart sank as you realized what kuroo was referring to��the unresolved problems from your past arguments that always seemed to resurface. you knew you couldn't avoid this conversation any longer.

"i thought we had talked through most of those," you replied softly, trying to keep your voice steady.

"yeah, but it feels like we never really resolve anything," kuroo argued, his voice rising slightly. "remember that time we fought about—"

"don’t bring that up again, tetsu," you interrupted, frustration bubbling to the surface. "we settled that, didn't we?"

"but did we really?" kuroo shot back, his frustration now fully unleashed. "it’s like we just patch things up for the moment, and then it all comes back."

the argument escalated, both of you bringing up problems that had long been buried but never fully addressed. voices rose, words became sharper as each accusation hit closer to home. kuroo felt a pang of guilt for bringing up the past, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dissatisfaction that had been gnawing at him.

you fought back tears, feeling the weight of the unresolved issues crushing you. "i thought we were better than this," you choked out, voice trembling.

kuroo’s expression softened momentarily at the sight of your watery eyes, but his frustration lingered. "i do too, but how do we move forward if we can't even talk about this?"

the argument reached it's peak, both of you hurt and exhausted. kuroo sighed heavily once more, running a hand through his hair in frustration. you stared down at your plate, tears silently streaming down your face.

"i.. don't know," you finally whispered, the fight draining out.

kuroo’s heart sank at the defeated tone in your voice. he realized then how much you both needed to find a way to resolve your problems—not just for the sake of the relationship, but for your own peace of mind.

"i’m sorry," kuroo murmured, his voice barely audible. "i just... i want us to be okay."

you looked up, meeting kuroo’s eyes with a mix of sadness and longing.

"me too," you whispered back, a glimmer of hope flickering in your eyes.

—

✦ OIKAWA TOORU. jealousy and insecurities

oikawa had always been charismatic, charming, and surrounded by admirers—both on and off the court. you had always been supportive of his career and his popularity, but lately, found yourself struggling with a growing sense of insecurity.

one evening after a particularly intense match, you and oikawa were walking back to his apartment when a group of fangirls approached, giggling and asking for autographs. oikawa agreed with his usual friendly smile and playful banter, much to the delight of his fans. you stood slightly behind him, feeling invisible and increasingly uneasy.

as you finally entered oikawa’s apartment, you couldn't contain their feelings any longer. "tooru, can we talk for a moment?"

he turned towards you with a grin, still buzzing from the excitement of the match. "of course, what's on your mind?"

"it’s just..." you hesitated, unsure how to voice your feelings without sounding petty. "i feel like you don't notice how much attention you get from other girls."

oikawa’s expression shifted to confusion, his brows furrowing slightly. "what do you mean?"

you took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. iI mean... those fangirls. they’re always around you, and you're so nice to them, which is great! but sometimes, i feel... i feel like i’m not enough. like i can't compete with all those girls who adore you."

your boyfriend’s eyes widened as he finally understood your feelings. "y/n, i didn't realize you felt like this." he stepped closer, gently taking your face in his hands. "i appreciate my fans, but you... you're the most important person to me. no one compares to you."

you felt a rush of relief hearing oikawa’s reassuring words, but the insecurities still lingered. "i know, but sometimes it's hard not to feel jealous."

oikawa nodded, his expression softening with understanding. "i get it now. i’m sorry if I made you feel that way. i’ll try to be more aware of how my interactions might affect you."

you hugged him gratefully, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. "thank you, tooru. i needed to hear that."

he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "i’m here for you, always. don’t hesitate to tell me when something's bothering you."

a/n: i was listening to champagne coast while writing these

[nights-legacy]

What Agreement?! - Bakugou x Reader

Main Masterlist ~ MHA Masterlist ~ #2

I hope you like this!

Requested by @simply-trash5

1722 Words

+ You and Bakugou had been close ever since 1st year. After graduation, you two stayed close. From working at the same agency to being with each other's go for almost everything. Save for the few things he only shares with Deku and Kirishima. You thought from how personal and soft he sometimes acted with you, that he shared your feelings for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N's POV

I sighed as the train ride seemed to take forever. I could hear the whispers and clicks of people's phones from both sides of me. I ignored it, having got used to it over the past couple of years. Finally the train made it to the station and I quickly got off while dialing my phone.

"Hello?" Mina chirped on the other end.

"Hey Mina. Sorry I'm late. I'm just a few blocks away so I'll be there in a few minutes.

"Great! I was starting to wonder. But Y/N, to have is something you should know. Kat..." The sound of some fangirls coming towards me caught my attention.

"Damn. I thought they were going to leave me alone. You'll have to tell me later Mina. I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up the phone.

After about 10 minutes, I was able to slip away to get to the party. I walked a few blocks to the restaurant. I was greeted first by Sero outside who was out for a smoke. I found Mina next who as soon as she saw me, she looked panicked a bit.

"What's wrong Mina? You look like you've seen the worst thing in the world." I chuckled. "Where's Bakugou? You mentioned him."

"Not the worst for me but for you maybe." I gave her an amused but curious look.

"Okay now you have to tell me." We walked into the actual room for our party.

"Well let's just say, um... Katsuki..." I listened to her until Katsuki's voice caught my attention. I quickly zeroed in on him, only for my stomach to drop by what I saw. Katsuki was standing across the room next to Kirishima. Kirishima wasn't the deal, it was Katsuki's arm around some girl I've never seen before, shoulders. "Yeah that."

"He has a... date?"

"Yeah. I tried to warn you on the phone. I'm sorry."

"I, um... That's fine." I stuttered.

"Y/N?" Katsuki looked over at that moment and saw me. He waved me over.

"I'll talk to you later, Mina." I walked over to the three standing there. Kirishima and I swapped greetings before he gave me a sympathetic smile and walked away.

"Y/N. This is Maya. My girlfriend. Maya,  this my best friend Y/N."

"Nice to meet you." I shook her hand. "Wow Kats. A girlfriend. I had no idea."

"Yeah. We wanted to keep it on the down low from everyone until we got more comfortable With each other."

"Oh that makes sense. Especially with our crazy friend group." I forced a chuckle. Plus, to prove my point Denki screamed something across the room before the lights flickered.

"Spark plug..." Kat muttered. Maya giggled and set her hand on Kat's chest. My throat closed off at seeing how close they were. Kat still didn't like us touching him outside a high five, a shoulder touch, or back slap even after all these years.

"Well, I'm going to greet a few of the others. It was nice meeting you Maya."

"It was nice meeting you too!" She said sweetly. I smiled and walked away. I could feel my eyes stinging as I walked towards a blurring figure with purple hair.

"Hey there Stormy." Shinso greeted me softly. I wiped my eyes. I looked up and he gave me a sad smile. 

"Hi." I greeted. 

"Come here." He held out his arm. I settled into his side and he hugged me tight. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was bound to happen."

"Yeah. But we all thought it would be with you." He said softly. "Rooting for it actually." 

"Yeah. Sorry to disappoint."

~

As the weeks went by, Kat invited me out to hang with him in Maya. I went most of the time but eventually I started to distance myself from him. Kats kept calling to hang out but I made every excuse to say no. I even started to pair up more with other heroes for shifts.

"Okay. I'm heading out for the day." I said as I packed up my stuff. I stood up from my desk and grabbed my bag.

"See ya later." Sero said while saving over his shoulder. "Oh by the way. Katsuki is getting real antsy about why you've been avoiding him."

"I haven't been avoiding him. I've been avoiding ... them, together." I admitted. He sighed and turned to me.

"Y/N, babe. I know seeing him with someone hurt but he is still my best friend. You keep acting like this, you're going to hurt him."

"I know." I plopped down in my chair. "It just hurts seeing the man I'm in love with with someone else. I mean it was bound to happen but I didn't think... I mean, Kat never showed interest in dating much, ever."

"I know. It took us all by surprise. Even Deku."

"I just can't stand the sight of them being all lovey. It's like a knife to the heart thrice times over."

"Um... Y/N."

"And I'm so in love with him that I don't know if I can get past this."

"Y/N..."

"I can't help but love him, Sero." I said before looking up at him. He looked a little pale and gave me an apologetic smile. I gave him a confused look.

"You what?!" A familiar voice snapped from my right. I quickly looked to see Kat standing there with a confused glare.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I panicked, looking at Sero.

"I tried!" I looked back at Kat and he stood there with his cams crossed.

"Kat."

"Explain." He said in a condescending tone. The tone made me a little upset. And hurt. I looked away and got up.

"I'm leaving." I walked towards the elevator.

"Oh no you don't." He snapped and followed. I rolled my eyes and covered him in fog so he couldn't follow.

Later that night, I was sitting on my couch watching some TV. There was a familiar knock on the door that made me freeze up. I looked at the foyer before getting up. I walked to the door and opened it.

"Really? Fog?" He said unimpressed.

"Worked didn't it." I said. He rolled my eyes. I went to close the door.

"Wait!" He put a hand on the door keeping it open.

"Kat, I can't do this right now."

"Y/N. Please let me in. We need to talk." He said quietly, trying to hide the fact that he was pleading.

"I don't want to." I started to close the door again.

"It wasn't real!" He shouted, panicked. I paused and reopened the door.

"What wasn't real?" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I finally noticed how disheveled he looked, like he had gotten dressed in a flurry and his hair was entirely out of place.

"The relationship with Maya." He said. I was silent for a minute.

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed. He bit his lip. "Get in here!"

"Okay." He stepped in and kicked off his shoes. We walked in farther.

"Explain!" I snapped.

"Maya and I made this little agreement."

"Agreement?"

"Yeah um."

"So you lied to everyone?" I said in disbelief

"Well, yeah." He said. "But..."

"Katsuki!" I scoffed. I was pissed at him. "Why would you do this?! This isn't like you. You don't lie!"

"I know but..." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I just can't believe you would do this and..."

"Will you just listen to me?" He snapped. I looked at him only half surprised.

"Yeah, yeah." I nodded. He sat down.

"I did it because I thought it would make you jealous and if you had feelings for me, you would speak up or do something. When you didn't I figured you didn't have feelings for me." He sighed heavily and sat back on the couch. "But then I heard you today."

"Shit. Right." I muttered and hugged myself.

"Maya agreed to help me and I shouldn't have done it but I did. It hurt us both in the end." He let his head fall into his hands. I had never seen him act like this, so it must really be bothering him. I sat down next to him. "I nearly caused myself to nearly lose another best friend. Again."

"You haven't lost me." I said softly. He looked over at me.

"I haven't?" I could see the doubt hidden in his eyes.

"No. I wasn't going to leave you. I just needed time to get past the fact you were with someone else. As you probably heard me say to Sero, I'm in love with you and it hurt to see you with Maya." I admitted. "I had to face it sooner or later but I wasn't going anywhere."

"Oh. Good." We sat there in an awkward silence. I was looking down at my lap. "Hey, look at me."

"What?" I looked up at him. He took a big breath. Cupping my chin, he moved in closer.

"Tell me to stop and we can go back to being friends." He said. There was a beat of silence before I pulled him in the rest of the way by his shirt. The kiss was the complete opposite then you would think coming from Bakugou Katsuki. It was sweet and longing when I thought it would be, well rough and hard.

"We are not going back to being just friends." I said when I pulled away. He chuckled and slithered his arms around my hips, pulling me close. He pulled me into another more passionate kiss.

"Fuck no." He said breathlessly.

"I think we need to thank Maya majorly. We owe her big time." I chucked.

"Oh she benefited from the arrangement too." I lifted an eyebrow in confusion and curiosity.

"How so?"

"She was trying to make the girl she likes jealous too. Except, it worked in her favor." He huffed and did his trademark Bakugou pout. I giggled. I looked up at the clock.

"Okay come on." I stood up, holding out my hand. He gave me a bitch face but took my hand anyway.

"What?"

"We're going out for something to eat." I pulled him up. "And you're paying."

"Fine but I get to pick the place." He smirked.

"Fine by me."

Tag List: @iris-shihabi @cl0verbby @lilparcheesie @keigos-baby-bird @evilunicorns4minions

[irishmammonagenda]

Hii!! 🧚‍♀️It's Wee Emo anon 🍾

Really liked your last work, so here i am again

Can i request brothers reaction on MC who cry over small things?

Like they see little kitten on the street and - WHOOP! - they're bubbling sobbing mess

I'm kinda can't cry (sounds dramatic lol) and wanna MC to feel it instead of me 😬

Love your works, keep going bestie💐🏃‍♂️

HI WEE EMO <3 please ignore the fact you sent me this on april 27th and its now june i had gcses to prepare for 😔✊

anyway, who let you into my house 😧🤨

no seriously i've cried at multiple south park episodes. south park. sometimes i wanna cry when i see my dog i cannot be trusted i tear up so easily especially when im writing🙁

for not being able to cry that is not very good for you fr:

i used to not be able to cry + still only really tear up, some tears drip down and let out like 2 sobbing sounds before im good again, i dont even have to try and stop crying, two sobs and im done, but my biggest tip is, get tired like really sleepy to the point where your eyes water bc of tiredness then watch something really sad.

i ha to literally train myself to be able to cry again bro dw, i wish i could have a big long cry but like 3 mins of crying is better than none, trust me wee emo you'll feel better

#dontbottleupyouremotions

ANYWAY:

this was very hard to imagine their reactions to idk why, but i tried so 😔✊

grma wee emo for requesting <3 and grma everyone else for reading <3

Obey Me Brothers With a Sensitive MC <3

It was safe to say you were sensitive, back when Melanie Martinez's music was a lot better, you really could say that the song 'Crybaby' pretty much encapsulated your entire being, it still did, but you liked to think you were more mature in your music taste now. (You weren't)

Being suddenly catapulted into the Devildom did a number on your emotions, and you found yourself quite numb. But as you adjusted, and bonded with the others, you found that you were back to your usual self, which was a crybaby.

So then how do the brothers react?

LUCIFER

Great. Two Mammons.

At least Mammon No.2 (you) isnt a tsundere about it.

Lucifer does not like seeing you cry. Even if its because something is cute, (although he does find it quite adorable, not that he'd admit it)

This demon is of the opinion that tears should never disgrace your beautiful eyes.

He will invite you to listen to his records with him and purposely put on sad ones or really sweet ones so you grip onto him while you tear up,

He is a demon, after all. ;)

MAMMON

Finally. Someone who cries more than him!

It actually makes him feel safer around you, like you wont bully him for being more sensitive than his brothers.

Actually ends up dropping a lot of his tsundere act around you.

You watch movies together, but always have to check the Devildom version of 'doesthedogdie.com'

Idk, I feel like Mammon would give you a bit of bother for it at first but then slowly start to like, open up more, because he really does see himself in you like that.

LEVIATHAN

He blanks.

One day you start crying because of how cute the anime you both were watching was, Levi thought you were geniunely upset, so he tried to cheer you up.

You end up thinking that its really sweet and start crying harder.

Leviathan PANICKS.

Even now, he still gets really nervous when you start crying, and has popped into his demon form more times than he can count when you grab onto him and sniffle.

Please he's already so awkward he can't handle how cute you are.

You might make him start crying as well :(

SATAN

Satan 100% gets so angry he starts crying so he can kind of understand it.

He's just glad you cry over positive things :)

His favourite moment was definetly when you teared up over a small kitten. (He took several photos and also took the kitten home)

Like Lucifer he 100% invites you to read with him and picks the fluffiest most adorable romance he can find, or the saddest most heartbreaking romance he can find.

He likes when you cling onto him and look up at him with those big teary eyes.

He's a demon. What did you expect, ;)

ASMODEUS

He thinks you're adorable.

Any emotion on your face is adorable to him actually. <3

If you wear makeup he makes sure to get you waterproof mascara and other eye makeup so your beautiful tears dont ruin your beautiful makeup <3

If any of you remember that crying girl makeup trend? Yeah he deffo starts that up in the Devildom (a) to make you feel less embarrassed about it and (b) because he thinks youre so beautiful when you express yourself.

BEELZEBUB

He doesn't cry a lot, it's not exactly something that comes naturally to him at all.

Its not that he CANT cry or that he holds his tears back, its just that he doesn't normally process or reaction to things with tears.

Only in serious serious situations will he cry.

So when he sees you crying over one of those little onigiri things that are literally adorable, he thinks that you've somehow hurt yourself. (i nabbed this off of pinterest)

Beel panics, and mentally goes over the ingredients in his head, did he order something with an ingredient that was dangerous to humans?

He calms down when he realises that you're crying because it looks cute.

He feels you with that.

Makes an effort to take you to more places with food items displayed in cute ways.

Though you do have to look away while Beel cuts them up for you, otherwise you wouldnt be able to eat it.

BELPHEGOR

He laughs at you.

Point blank.

Originally when he's in the attic he uses your sensitivity as a way to manipulate you.

But post lesson 16, he really starts to appreciate it more.

This bastard will use his powers as the youngest sibling against you, he'll dress up in cute onesies and give you puppy eyes, all to coax you into taking naps with him.

Which you do.

I have no idea how half of these fuckheads would react tbh

[apieceofmi]

STRANGERS… or not

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: a stranger in a train that captive her heart, never seen him again… but his face was familiar, maybe that was more than just a connection, maybe she already saw him somewhere. A lot of research and… oh, yeah, she really sees his face before, her and millions of people… it's just sad that he seems so untouchable. Right?

Author’s note: Okay, so part 2 was unexpected, but It's here!! And now I have a few more ideas for this same couple and context… I think there are more coming. Anyway, hope you like it! xx

Part One (You don't have to necessarily read the first part to understand this one, it's up to you)

__________________________________________________________

Just when I thought that my chances are over, I found him. The stranger I’ve met in a train coming back from my hometown months ago, talked for hours and I left without knowing his name.

I took the same train and visit my parents more times than is good for my mental health, I sat there and wait for him, but got nothing. Then I searched in social media, everywhere I could think of, but it is so difficult to search for something - someone in this case - that you know nothing about. I have an image in my mind, the sound of a laugh, and nothing more. We shared so much that day, but as the days passed it seemed like nothing. Then, when I gave up and convinced myself that I was making it bigger than it should have been, when I accepted that it had become just a great memory, exactly how I wanted it, I found him.

Screaming in my phone, I'm not the only one that think he's a cool guy. I feel kind of stupid when I realize that he's not just an ordinary person, and that's probably why I thought I already knew him that day on the train.

Not a surprise, just me romanticizing my life again.

And maybe that is the reason why I'm doing it again, because I swear that I feel something more around this - him. In my delusion mind, you don't meet someone by chance. You don't screw up the chance you have to really know someone when you feel a special connection with them. Not like I did. Maybe that's the reason that I feel the necessity to just see him again. I don't know what I expect of this, and maybe I should just let it go, but I have friends that are delusional like me, and they support me with this crazy feeling… So, yeah, I listened to all of his band's albums and came to a show - just because it was in my city. It's not like I fight for tickets when I found out that they would be here. Not at all. 

Everything was good, and I was already feeling that coming to the show was the closure that I need to this history when my friend Anna, that came with me, grab my hand while we're exiting the venue.

“Let's wait outside. I know some fans do it, sometimes they stop to take pictures and talk to them.”

I get nervous immediately. I've already seen him, discovered who he is and for me that's enough, I don't have the courage to be in front of him again. I don't want him to think that I'm stalking him and make this role thing uncomfortable. It was supposed to be something nice, just it. Actually, it was just supposed to be a memory. Everything that happened after I left that day shouldn't have happened, I didn't say my name because I didn't want anything to happen. I'm going further than I should, I'm exceeding the limit I drew for myself. It's more than enough.

“No! We can't wait for them!” I protest, thinking in an excuse when Anna looks at me, her eyes narrow, knowing me well enough. “I have to work in the morning.”

“You can miss one rehearsal.”

“I have class tomorrow. I can't miss it, I'm the teacher.” I say, but Anna doesn't take me serious, she knows that I'm having a meltdown right now. “What if they don't even came out? We’re just going to lose time waiting here.”

Squeezing my hand, she smiles at me.

“Then at least you tried.”

So we wait, talk with some people that are waiting there too and it's cool. It's nice. But I can't stop feeling that I'm doing something wrong being here. I don't know, betraying the universe, maybe? I made my choice that day and just because I regret it now, can I just switch sides? 

Uh, no, I don't think so. 

Maybe it's supposed to be just like it was, some nice exchange in the train between strangers. Maybe it supposed for me not saying my name.

I'm almost given up and going home when I see them coming in our direction. Anna has a big smile in her face, her eyes shinning, and I almost can hear her saying - he's here! He's here! - but I just look at her and then at him approaching the others, and I freeze, taking a step back. 

There's another member of the band with him - with I know now that his name is Nicholas - and they start to talking with the little crowed waiting for them. I stay in the corner with Anna, without a clue to how to start this interaction without being a weirdo.

I'm still considering running out of here when his eyes catch me one time. Two times. A little frowning in his face in the third time. What if he doesn't remember me? 

“I know you” he says, his eyes studying mine, coming closer.

“We met at…” But I don't need to finish when his faces changes. He recognizes me. 

“Yes, I remember” he smiles. “You found me.”

I let out a small nervous breath, forcing it into a weak smile.

“It took long enough, but yes. I did found you.”

There’s a grin that won't leave his lips, and I cannot stop staring at it. 

“What's your name?” Yeah, here's the million dollars question.

I finally tell him my name, answering the question I should have answered months ago when I had the opportunity, then had to beg the universe for another chance.

“Well, I’m Noah” he says next.

“Nice to meet you.” I chuckled nervously.

I already know his name, but him saying it to me feels more legit. I think I can finally stop referring to this man in my mind as him or the stranger.

He finally has a name.

“You liked the show?” Noah asks.

“Yes! It was so great!” I rejoiced. “You guys are so talented! I was shocked when I was listening the albums, I'm just… I became a fan.”

The smile in Noah’s lips grows and the shy look in his eyes makes strange things happen in my stomach. I really hope that's not butterflies. It's like something frozen at the moment, at the same time suddenly I'm well aware of the people still around us, hoping for a little more time with the members of the band they came to see. 

Noah gives me a little embrace, catching me off guard when I hear his voice so close.

“You found me, now it's my time” he whispers in my ear.

“I follow you” I replied, the words coming out my mouth like it's an urgency. 

“Great.” he says, stepping back and giving attention to the person next to us.

I look around for Anna, who I didn't even see leaving, she's back at my side in a second.

“How it was?” she asks as we leave. 

“He said he's going to find me” I chuckle. “ I think on social media? I don't know.”

“It would be suspicious if he asked for your number in front of everyone.” She considers. “Or even invite you for, I don't know… their bus” Anna makes a funny face, giving me a side look. “I wouldn’t let you leave with him like that anyway, he’s cute and talented, but he’s still a man.”

I laugh, loving her a little more for taking care of me.

“I wouldn’t abandon you like that.” I say. “Thank you for coming with me.”

"Of course. As if I would miss the chance to help my best friend meet her train crush, who happened to be a fucking rock star." She rolls her eyes, getting into the car.

“It don't even make sense.” I let out a disbelief laugh. “Did you see how many people were there today? This is like impossible, he's famous, a celebrity, I'm not the kind of person…”

“Stop it right now.” She interrupts me. “He's a person just like you are. Yes, he's talented and is in a band that obviously is getting bigger every second, but it doesn't mean anything. He's human. You're human. It's all we need.”

“You're right, I'm thinking too much again.” I say, starting the car. “At least I tried.”

I'm already home getting ready to sleep when a notification came on my phone. A message on Instagram from an account with a peculiar profile pic. I don't make a ceremony and open it right away.

“I can't believe that I spend two hours talking with you that day and don't ask your name first thing!” 

“I swear, I'm not like this in normal situations”

“You got me nervous”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from smiling.

“I'm sorry for not saying my name when you asked. I regret it every day since I left.” 

“Two fools”

“How did you found me? I tried to look for you but get nothing”

“Well, I'm not as popular as you”

“A video of the band randomly appeared on my timeline, I think I talked about the guy on the train so much to my friends that the algorithm took pity on me and threw it in my face.”

“For once social media did something right”

“So… You're going to stay in town or…?”

“No. We already left”

“I didn't want to expose you out there earlier, but if you get me your number, I can let you know when I'm around?”

“I'll understand if you don't want to, my life can be a little crazy sometimes.”

There's no hesitation in my answer.

“I really want to know better the guy that I met on the train three months ago and can't stop wondering about, so… Yes, If that's okay for you.”

“Great. I've searched for you in every city that we go to since that day, can't wait to properly get to know you too, stranger.”

So I sent my number.

And God, I should have known I was in trouble the moment I got that first message from him. As the days went by, I realized that I was crazy to think that Noah was untouchable just because of what he does for a living, he has become the funniest and sweetest person I know.

We're definitely not strangers anymore.

Not when we talk every day now.

Not when I learned all his favorites.

Not when I’m counting days to see Noah in person again.

[secretlytranced]

Umm hey! I wanted to share something! (Besides that I looove your blog and you're such a role model to me) ✨

I've been listening to some files that I just loop on youtube every day for a few days now, and last night was special!

I don't know how to explain, but although I'm familiar with edging, I think last night the concept just "clicked" in my head in a whole new way! I thought it was just holding and holding depriving myself from cumming, and I just did it robotically as training, to be a good girl.

But today ai woke up so flustered and confused, feeling a kind of pleasure I hadn't before! It was frustrating and yet extremely intense, and my mind couldn't comprehend how in the world I wasn't cumming!!!

I desperately rubbed, not noticing the files were still on, playing, calling me a good girl non stop, and the moment I came it felt wonderful, but at the same time I felt sad because the super intense edge sensation faded away with my orgasm and I just wanted it back. I kinda regretted cumming hehe

I can't stop thinking about it today, and I really really feel so needy. I just wish I get to feel that again today or soon enough! ✨

heyyy! I know you sent this a while ago but I'm so ahhhhhh yeasss

this is awesome! You get it now. Edging isn't like ... I mean, technically it is the act of getting close to orgasm and then stopping, but it's so much more and the longer you hold out from cumming, there's this... incredible feeling that stays with you... just a total, pleasure that goes so much deeper than orgasm because it lasts... and builds... and wraps around you...

it's amazing.

keep it up!! <3

[citylawns]

Listening to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness and uploading art to tumblr it's literally like the best part of tumblr 2012-2018 again for me. I feel really good. I have to talk to my Dad about the abuse stuff tomorrow which could bring me crashing back down but I'm thinking about how much I need to make and write and create to cope with it all and how alive I can feel. On the train to the exhibit today I was thinking about how my art output has dwindled so much and how on one hand its because I have a higher standard but on the other hand its because I feel like my creative nerve ending is dead. There's no feeling there, it's all dead and numb. It's harder to find things that move me, it's harder to see the beauty and to feel the point of making anything. It's like classic depression, the absence of feeling, pure flatness and it's the worst thing ever it would drive me to suicide if it persisted. I've had pretty bad anhedonia in the past and it's like being dead while walking, the only way to cure it is to cut or bruise myself or do something sexually reckless because it's better to feel pain than to feel nothing. But I listened to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, especially Bullet With Butterfly Wings and saw the latest work of Tracey Emin and maybe it's because those two things are both what inspired me and excited me when I was going through my formative teenage years on tumblr but it has really saved me. I feel like I want to offer my bleeding heart on an alter for art

[edapparently]

Dirk Gently and The Salmon of Sorrow

This is my third and possibly final (I'm not sure if I'll post about the Hitchhiker's books) post about my thoughts on the Douglas Adams books I've been collecting along with my general life surrounding them. I'm not sure how much I'll miss writing these, I get a weird mix of looking forward to it but also dreading it because I have to finish the book before hand and I never find myself wanting Douglas Adams books to end That feeling was especially strong, even from the first page, while I was reading The Salmon of Doubt. You see, Douglas Adams died before I was even born and I knew that the stories of his life and various speeches and articals he'd written that had been collected and added to the book all happened before my time. And yet his work feels so personal, in the foreword Stephen Fry makes the observation that "Douglas has in common with certain rare artists (Wodehouse again included) the ability to make the beholder feel that he is addressing them and them alone" and he is absolutely right. Almost everything in The Salmon of Doubt feels like a story your best friend would tell you about their summer holidays while on your way to a cafe for a cup of tea and I think that not only shows what is appealing about his writing but why it feels so much more sad to me to know that he is dead and has been since before I even knew what Hitchhiker's was There is another quote, from the epilogue, which I feel also makes the point egregiously well. "Douglas, you cannot be dead." It's a feeling that is made extra potent in the mind after reading the few chapters he completed of the Dirk Gently story within the book. It has everything of an awesome plot that only Adams could create packed inside it and yet it simply ends at a mid point. It's that feeling of wanting more, of desperatly wanting to be thrown into the adventure he was weaving that convinces me that his death is one of the greatest creative losses of the century I feel it is needless to say, but I loved reading the book and learning about and listening to that extraordinary writer Reading is something I've started doing a lot more often now, being a uni student who doesn't drive means I spend a lot of time on public transport. I used to fill this time simply by putting my headphones on and blasting music or an audio book into my ears, but I decided to try something new with The Salmon of Doubt. I instead killed time on the train or bus by turning my music down in my headphones to make it almost blend in with the backgound noise and started reading. I have to turn the music down while I read or it will distract me too much and I won't be able to focus, but I found that making it feel like part of the atmosphere only made me more absorbed in the book than I ever was before This also made me basically addicted to reading, every chance I got I would have the book out and I suspect this habit will continue as I begin the Hitchhiker's books again for the first time in years. I look forward to beginning them again, not sure if I'll post about those as well but I hope that the few people who read these posts enjoyed them, see you guys around

[axcel-lucci]

Secret...?

Trafalgar Law x fem!reader

Part 1, this is part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

"Are you okay...?" Law asked.

(Y/n) peered and saw the port, "can you guys go on ahead? I need to talk to him... Privately"

The three nodded

"Thank you..." She smiled, and once they were away, she turned to law with a worried expression.

"Are you alright...?" Law asked again as she sighed

"I'm fine... But why did you go there? I was so worried..." She mumbled, "you know how dangerous they are... You could've at least hinted it to me so that I wouldn't have to look for the entire island..."

"I'm... I'm sorry... But..." Law stammered before shaking his head and come clean to her.

He somewhat expected her to freak out but she was totally calm

"Hmm... I knew I shouldn't have accepted those letters and kept them... I am so sorry that's what you thought... It has put you in danger, I am really sorry..." She muttered, "look... Uhm... What do you need to know about me? You can ask anything. And I promise I'll tell you most of it... Because there are still parts of my past that I have not come to terms with..."

Law nods, he understood... Even he couldn't get over his family and Corazon's death himself...

"I want to know about your family."

"Well... I have two dads, I have no mom... Well, at least I have never met her. I was trained by that gang since I was a child, to... You know... Fight and fend for myself. I have two uncles and one aunt... Though I hate their fucking guts..." She grumbled.

"What did you do for them? Did they make you kill?" Law asked

"Hmm... No, I've never once killed anyone while working for them, I was merely a spy. Since they said I was good at communicating..." She muttered making law chuckle

"Why... Did it seem like Lucifer was begging for you to come back? To his gang and all that...?" He asked

"That... I still can't answer you... I'm sorry..."

"It's alright... I understand" he smiled and kissed her forehead, "but know that if you need anything... Just tell me... Okay? Whether it be a shoulder to cry on or just you wanting to rant about something, I'm here... Though I do love myself some gossip" he grinned making her laugh softly

"Thank you for understanding me... Law..." She smiled

He nodded before kissing her entirely, "but... Can I read the rest of the letters? I wonder if they're all the same inside"

"Of course... But I think they are... Though..." She laughed.

(At the sub)

Law sat on the bed with his back on the headboard

"Here..." (Y/n) mumbled as she hands him the box, "though... I also want to know what's inside them"

She sat sat down beside him on the bed.

"Why don't you open them yourself?" He asked and opened the box before handing her one of those cherry designed envelope.

"I can't... Bring myself to open them..." She mumbled when she took hold of the envelope, "can you open them for me?"

Law smiled and nodded before opening some...

Most of the letters were just some written apologies and some were trying to "catch up" with small updates...

Without looking, Law could feel her slowly get upset and sad at every letter they open; "do you still want to continue?" He asked softly

She sighed softly, "y-yeah... Continue..."

"Are you... Alright? Do you need anything? We can stop, you know...?" He said before pulling her closer with an arm around her shoulders.

"I... Please..." She looked at him, "I wish to continue..."

Law nods a bit and turned back to the letters.

Maybe after half of them were opened, (y/n) couldn't take it anymore and just broke down and cried

"I-... I don't know what to do anymore...!" She cried as law immediately placed the box away to comfort her and hug her.

"That's right... Cry them all out... Cry to me, I'll listen..." He whispered into her ear as she cried so much.

Her words were incoherent and hard to understand but he can make the gist of it...

In his understanding, (y/n) feels guilty of ever leaving the gang in the first place, she doesn't even know why she did it. She just did... And now it's eating away her insides everytime she sees or receives a letter from... That guy.

"Shh... It's okay... It's okay... I'm here..." Law hums as he comforts her with his tightest and warmest hug, making her feel secure... Rocking them back and forth softly as she cried made her feel at ease until she eventually fell asleep crying in his arms.

He sighed sadly before smiling softly and placing both of them down on the bed to take a rest from today, it sure drained the both of them.

Next day.

(Y/n) slowly woke up to an empty bed, it wasn't anything new since law is a busy man so he'd disappear from time to time before the sun even greet him.

Though she kinda wished he stayed cause now she's feeling rather empty and just curled on her side of the bed with the blanket around her.

The door soon opened and closed before footsteps approach (y/n); she looked up to see it was law holding two cups of freshly made coffee.

"Good morning my princess" he smiled as he placed the mugs on the night stand and sit down at the edge of the bed beside (y/n), "how was your sleep...?"

She stretched and smiled at him tiredly before sitting up and hugging him real tight, "thank you... For last night..."

He hummed and hugged her as well, "what kind of husband would I be if I can't comfort my soon to be wife, no?" He chuckled

"Law...! You know how that sends me off to...!" She laughed making Law smile

"You seem to be a lot better than yesterday..." He muttered and reached over to the mugs and hand one to her.

"Thank you... You honestly don't know how happy I am to have you." She smiled, tears starting to pierce her eyes and slip out, he cupped her cheek and wiped the tears away.

"Hush now... I'm only doing what I want to do, which was comfort you." He hummed and kissed her forehead, "whenever you need me, I will be right here... Okay?"

She nodded with a shy smile, "thank you..."

He chuckled with a gentle smile, "anything for you, my dear..."

For the next couple of days, weeks even, (y/n) seemed... Distant...

Something always clouding her mind, her mind constantly plagued by thoughts as they start to pile up and up till she just stared at nothing.

Everyone was worried what had happened, especially Law.

No one has ever seen her this distraught, never.

So it was quite worrisome when she is, they always ask her what's wrong, but she just shrugs them off as her being tired, even if it was just 7 in the morning.

Law knew she was hiding something, it was in those letters, it has to be.

She was fine before reading all the letters, but after... She became this jumbled mess.

So Law made it his personal mission to try and decide whatever was on the letters, he started at the oldest letter, about 3 years ago, before tracking down to the most recent one which was merely 2 months ago.

He wanted to know if gangs have this... Thing where if it were to be deciphered, a secret code or sentence can occur.

After multiple attempts, nothing. They were just plain old letters... That or the codes were too hidden for a "normal" human's eye to see.

He soon found himself walking over to their room and close the door behind him, only to find (y/n) reading a book peacefully with a soft music in the background, she lifts her head up and saw him before giving him a gentle yet tired smile

"Hey dear... What're you doing here?" He asked as he took off his shoes and crawled under the covers until he sat next to her, with his body pressing against her side, his arms and legs instantly clinging onto her as if on instinct

She just hummed and leaned her head against him, "it's nothing... I just wanted some peace... It's quite hectic for me these past few days..."

"Mmmhhh..." He hummed and kissed her cheek, "mind telling me one of them...?"

"Well... For starters, the letters..." He knew it; "the letters... Kind of messed with me a bit... Making me question if cutting them off was the right thing to do... They did kind of taught me everything I now know..."

"I see... So like, you grew up with them?" He asked softly

"Yeah..."

"Does that mean your parents must've been inside the gang as well?"

"My... Whole family is in that gang..." She muttered

"So... Does that made you feel you need to join as well?"

"Y-yeah... I though I'd be a useless bitch if I didn't..." She muttered as he felt her hand placed on top of his leg and squeezing it

"Don't say such things... You're not useless, I promise." He smiled and made her look at him, "listen... You're the smartest, strongest, and bravest person I could have ever met in my entire life... I love you..." He said before kissing her

She hummed and responded almost immediately, "thank you for always being there for me."

"Hehe... You're always here for me, so... Yeah?" He smiled once more

She laughed softly, a heavenly sound Law could use as his white noise, echoing at the back of his mind.

Shachi then bursted through their door, "guys--!" He cuts himself off after realizing he had just ruined a moment where law is starting to console her, that or they were just going to have sex, "op- sorry!" He blushed furiously and slammed the door shut while leaving.

It made her laugh out loud, at least that made her feel at ease, though Shachi will be punished later.

...

So Shachi went there earlier to tell them they had arrived at a new island, now (y/n) finds herself sitting at a table with Ikkaku and Bepo while listening to Shachi's apologies at the background with Law's heavy footsteps chasing him as he ran

"Haha... Never grows old, does it...?" (Y/n) smiled softly and sipped some tea

"This island is called... Huh? What... It's called 'the cold star'..." Bepo muttered as he looked at the map to see if he was right

"Ah, yes... It's called 'the cold star' because it is shaped as a star and is a winter island." (Y/n) hummed before Ikkaku smiled

"I'm glad you're feeling a lot better, (y/n)." Ikkaku said

"Hmm? Ah... Well... Gotta thank Law for that... Gosh... I love that man." She muttered in a flustered tone while looking away.

It made the two laugh.

Only for (y/n) to jump when Law placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned down to kiss her cheek, "I love you too, baby..." His Grin was quite obvious even if you don't see it.

"Law...!" She yelled before running after him and his ass.

(At the island)

Everyone decided that they wanted to eat out for lunch, so they scouted the snowy streets for a restaurant big enough to accept large groups.

While searching, a big fight erupted in the capital, where they were at.

It was some pretty powerful looking men who caused havoc, it seems they were looking for something, or someone...

"There she is!" A man points towards Law's crew as he steps in front of (y/n) and his crew.

Embracing what's soon to come as the men marched up to law and his crew.

"What do you want?" Law said in his typical cold voice.

"Just the girl" the man answered and looked over his shoulder to see (y/n), staring at him with confusion.

"No." Law said in a firm voice, "not my wife."

"Your... Wife?" The man said as if not believing him

"Yes. My wife. You have to kill me first before getting to her." Law growled as a challenge.

"Law...!" (Y/n) whispered to him, "please..."

"This is where we step in." A familiar voice called as a tall cloaked man stood in-between them and instantly towered over the man who was threatening them.

It was Lucifer!

"Just so you know,my husband has his target locked on you" Lucifer grinned devilishly with glowing red eyes as the man's gaze turned to the top of the building.

And there it was, Dice with his big bow and arrow pointing at him.

"Oh, and by the way" Lucifer hummed, "he never misses. Say hi to him"

Dice merely chuckled inwardly at how childish his own husband is.

The man staggered and stepped back, "hey dude. As a gang leader yourself, you should know I am only doing my job."

"What job? To try and kill one of mine? Hell no. And you're targeting one of my best spies." Lucifer rolled his eyes, "so quit your yip yapping ass hole and move."

"You--!"

"Who hired you?" Lucifer glared. Hard...

"W-wha"

"Who. Hired. You?" Lucifer repeated, now dripping with deadly venom that could kill thousands with a single drop.

The man staggered to find his words only to shake his head, "Lilith...! Lilith hired us...!"

"Why the hell would that good for nothing bag of holes hire your unprofessional asses?" (Y/n) questioned under her breath, but not low enough to not be heard

"(Y/n)." Lucifer said, sternly

"Right. Sorry."

"Go." Lucifer hums as the men started to retreat before Lucifer turned to them, now much more calmer, "are you alright? They didn't cause anything. Did they?"

"What's in it for you? A favour?" Law Huff's

"Law...!" (Y/n) gasped before holding his hand, "no..."

It made Law sigh but shake his head, "no. They didn't..."

"Thats-"

Lucifer was cut off by a loud explosion.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT BROTHER!" A loud yell was heard before the sound of an angry bull marching towards Lucifer

"Ugh... Lilith." (Y/n) and Lucifer said in unison

"Who's..." Law was about to question when (y/n) pulled him to dodge a bullet

"Shit. A shooting." (Y/n) grumbled, "everyone, let's go!" She yelled and soon, guns were pulled.

It was quite normal in a gang to never have a peaceful time, but to normal folks like Law and the crew, it wasn't.

So (y/n), whenever she can, used her sacrificial knife that she keeps tucked on her thigh to at least try to redirect bullets from them.

The blade itself was blood red with roses on the bottom as a design and the hilt was wrapped with bandages for a better grip.

Law never seen her use that sacrificial knife before, but she was pretty hot with it.

They soon found a safe place to hide while the shooting is going on, "is everyone alright?"

"We're fine, (y/n)" Law said as he looked at her, she got plenty of scratches but not deep enough to bleed, but it did made him worry, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine" she smiled softly

"Who's... Lilith?" Law asked as the crew still looked over once in a while

"See that bag of holes?" (Y/n) hummed as she pointed over to a woman with long burnt red hair, bloody red eyes, and wore a tight spaghetti strap dress that looked oddly that of a stripper ((y/n)'s words)

"Yeah? What of it? God... No offense, but she looks like a total slut." Law muttered

"Because she is. That's my aunt... Lilith. Gosh... I hate that bitch."

"I haven't met her yet, but... I can already tell she is indeed a bitch... Wait... Why is she trying to kill you?" Law asked

"I don't know. First I've heard as well..." She hummed before looking over with a groan, "shit... That asshole is out there by himself and his fucking swords."

Law looked over as well and saw Lucifer fighting tooth and nail by himself with his swords that oddly looked like her own sacrificial knife, only his were dark blue.

With Dice as his sniper, too...

But it doesn't seem to help (y/n) with the worry on her expression

Law chuckled, "you guys stay here." He instructed the crew before turning to her, "shall we...?"

She smiled softly, "gladly"

...

After a few injuries, the battle ended with the enemies losing.

Though law and (y/n) could say they were pretty beaten up and injured.

"You still look quite pretty like this" he chuckled as she held on her arm that was bleeding for a bit

"Really? Never knew" she proudly said, "oh... My sacrificial knife... Can you get it for me baby...?" She pleads with him making him chuckle

"Oh alright" he rolls his eyes and walks off to grab the sacrificial knife

"(Y/n), watch out!" Lucifer yelled.

But before anyone could react, Lilith was already behind her and stabbed a sword through her heart

(Y/n) could only watch in horror but she weakly grabbed the gun she kept on her waist and shoots Lilith under her chin, causing Lilith's brains to explode as she falls to the ground...

"(Y/n)!" Law yelled and dropped the knife before running over to (y/n), the sword long gone as it was pulled out, causing blood to flow out like a fountain

"Law..." She smiled tiredly before fainting on his arms

"(Y/n)..." Law muttered as he sat down and hugged her tightly, "(y/n)... Please..."

"NO!" Lucifer managed to yell after the initial shock and ran over, his second pair of arms retreating inside his body as he snatched up (y/n)'s slowly wilting body from Law, "no... No. No. No...!"

"Hey-!"

"Starling!" Dice yelled once he got down and appeared beside Lucifer

....

@jadedrrose how's that??

Honestly, not much motivated to write this one, lol.

Part 1, this is part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6

[doggernaut]

Hi, hello, if you've read It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two in the past day or so and are wondering what perfect storm of frustration/depression/anxiety contributed to its creation, have at it:

April 2022: After 20 years of marathoning, I ran a marathon PR at my dream race, 10/10 would do again, top 5 life moment.

May 2022: Asthma attack during a track workout, spent the entire summer rebuilding my lung capacity.

September 2022: Bruised the ball of my right foot, lost more training time (also started grad school, this is important later).

October 2022: Foolishly ran a out-of-state marathon anyway, started experiencing Covid symptoms the day I got home (did I get Covid on the plane to Chicago or at school... based on the timing it was probably school and I likely had it while racing, but who knows).

November 2022: Three weeks out from Covid I ran another out-of-state marathon. (I KNOW but listen. These two specific races were planned years before and got deferred due to Covid cancellations. I also ran the second of the two extremely slowly. Almost an hour and a half slower than my PR.)

November 2022-December 2022: Technically no longer testing positive for Covid but still coughing constantly due to a sinus infection and then some other infection. (RSV? It was going around.)

January 2023: No longer coughing, began slowly and reasonably training for the Boston Marathon in April.

February 2023: Knee pain?!?!

March 2023: Knee still in pain, can barely walk, let alone run. Hauled myself off to PT only to discover the cause of my knee pain is actually an imbalance, possibly due to overcompensating due to the lower back/hip pain I developed after sleeping on the couch for two weeks while I had Covid.

April 2023: Ran the Boston Marathon on minimal training and didn't do too bad, all things considered.

Summer 2023: Able to run slowly but comfortably. Had a glorious five weeks of running while studying in New Zealand. Even got down to tempo pace for a mile or two at one point.

September 2023: Returned home, tried running, couldn't breathe.

October/November 2023: Saw an allergist after a month and was diagnosed with a mold allergy (mold season in Seattle is ... bad ... but also never affected me before). The doctor concluded that this allergy and the exacerbation of my asthma in the aftermath of Covid is possibly due to having had Covid.

Started a daily inhaled steroid to help my lungs. Started being able to get through easy (3 mile) runs. Weaned myself off of it.

January 2024: New start! Committed to building back with daily runs and/or strength training sessions. Running does not feel as good as it used to. I have lost a lot of core strength over the past year and it makes a huge difference in how I feel during a run. Everything feels like a huge effort and thinking about ever being able to do a speed workout again is daunting, but at least I can run.

January 20, 2024: Fell down the motherfucking stairs in my house and severely bruised my tailbone, setting myself back YET AGAIN.

All of this is boring and unimportant if you are not me but if you're looking for context, this is it! I don't claim to be, like, a superstar athlete or anything but for the past decade or so I've been an "age group" runner, performing at or near the top of my age group in local races, running in the lead pack in group runs, hitting pretty tough (and I realize, somewhat arbitrary) qualifying standards (the Boston Marathon was a dream for a long time, and I finally got there), and seeing my times drop despite being in my forties now. It's hard, and humbling, to fall too far behind in such a short time. And it's hard to see my friends still excelling and feel like I'm being left behind. This is why Jack is kind of a sad, anxious mess in that fic! Because I am a sad, anxious mess!

[canirove]

Frenkie de Jong Imagine

Author’s note: This is a request from Wattpad. They wanted something sad, but I had no idea what to write. I told a friend about it, and she joked about last season when Manchester United kicked Barça out of the Europa League, so I used that as my inspiration. Is it sad? I don't know, tbh 😅 Also, no idea if he played that much and was one of the best. I don't watch Barça's games or keep up with them. Hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💜

Masterlist

"Frenkie, lunch is... What are you doing still in bed? And what are you listening to?" I say when I walk into our room.

"Break up songs."

"Why? Are you going to break up with me?"

"What? No, no. It isn't that."

"Then?"

"I'm sad and this helps" he shrugs.

"Ok... Why are you sad?"

"Why? Do you really have to ask why?"

"Yeah."

"This season sucks! I suck!"

"You don't suck, Frenkie" I chuckle.

"Yes, I do! The whole team does!"

"You won 5-0 this weekend. That isn't something a team that sucks do" I say, moving to sit on the bed next to him.

"But what did we do on Wednesday? Lose 0-4 against Real Madrid and at home, which meant goodbye to the Copa del Rey."

"Yeah... That was unexpected."

"It wasn't. We suck. Or have you forgotten what happened in Europe?"

"You..."

"We got kicked out twice. Twice!"

"Second time was against a big team like Manchester United, it can happen."

"But we are freaking Barcelona! We should be able to win or at least put up a fight against other big European teams and don't look like fools!"

"You didn't look like fools, Frenkie. It was so tight anyone could have won."

"But who won? Them" he says, covering his head with the duvet. "I should have signed for them."

"What?" I laugh.

"With them I would have won something already. And since Casemiro is constantly out because of red cards, I would be playing a lot."

"You also are playing a lot here. You are always named amongst the best of the team."

"Yet look at us. We aren't winning a thing" he scoffs.

"You are going to win La Liga."

"Or not."

"Frenkie..."

"Or not!" he says, uncovering his head and sitting up. "Yes, Real Madrid are losing points, but look at what they did the other day! At what they do in the Champions League! They could suddenly change and win all the games from here to the end of the season!"

"I doubt it" I chuckle.

"But they can!"

"And the world can end tomorrow for all we know!"

"It actually can, yes. And it will find me here, feeling sorry about myself" he says, laying down again.

"Frenkie..." I sigh.

"Hello from the outsideeeee... At least I can say that I've trieeeeeed" he sings.

"Ok, I've had enough" I say, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and turning off the music.

"Hey! I was singing!"

"And destroying my ears in the process."

"Sorry."

"That's what you are gonna stop being, yes. Sorry for yourself."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. Because my boyfriend isn't a quitter. If he was, I wouldn't be here."

"What?" Frenkie says.

"How many times did I say no to going out on a date with you?"

"13."

"Wait, so many?" I laugh.

"Yeah. A bit creepy on my side to keep insisting, but" he shrugs.

"A bit, yes. But you never gave up."

"Because I love you."

"And do you know what else you love? Football. That's why you aren't going to give up, and are gonna keep playing, showing how good you are and winning La Liga at the end of the season."

"But..."

"No, no buts. You are gonna get out of that bed, take a shower while I change the sheets, and then we are gonna have lunch together. No more crying or destroying Adele's songs."

"It wasn't that bad..."

"It was worse" I chuckle. "And tomorrow, you are gonna go train and kick some asses, which is what you will do in the next game, and the next, and then the next after that one. Understood?"

"But what if..."

"Nope. The Frenkie I know and love doesn't give up."

"Maybe that Frenkie is gone..."

"Then maybe I'll have to leave him and find myself a new boyfriend. Is Pedri single?"

"You only like blondes" he laughs.

"Maybe I'm done with them" I shrug.

"Ok, fine. I'll stop feeling sorry for myself. There still is a title to win, games to play."

"Exactly" I smile. "Now get out of that bed and go shower. Chop, chop."

"I'm doing it, I'm doing it" he says, slowly leaving the bed.

"Good boy" I smile again. "But can't believe that what made you change your mind was me saying that I was going to leave you for Pedri" I tease him.

"That wasn't it."

"Sure..."

"It wasn't" he says, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me against him. "You would never change a blonde for a brunette."

"Well..."

"Never" he repeats.

"Nah, you are right. I like my blonde way too much."

"Even if he sometimes does lame things like feeling sorry for himself while listening to Adele?"

"Even so" I laugh.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And once you've showered, I will love you even more."

"Ok, message received. I stink."

"A bit, yes" I giggle.

"Thank you for everything. You are the best."

"I know. And now go shower!" I say, pushing him away from me.

"Ok, ok. No need to get violent" he says, sticking out his tongue and laughing his ass off when he dodges the pillow I've thrown at him.

[lunarlicorice]

part whatever of my yelling into the void about a gender crisis because i can't go to therapy until august

i think a lot of things have contributed to my sudden breakthrough but part of it is like... i used to fit into that "skinny slightly femme androgynous teen" category which was fine at the time i suppose, i didn't really love it, but i had a lot of other problems and it usually prevented people from misgendering me.

but now i'm not a teen anymore and the disconnect feels even more pronounced. people either assume i'm 14 or a woman and i'm not either of those. i still get catcalled and then am met with disgust when i mention i'm a guy.

another one is definitely i did NOT have any real frame of reference for medical transition. i just knew about surgeries and "oh you can take t to make you a guy". which was really unspecific and my parents heavily monitored my internet activity all through my teens so i wasn't very inclined to look anything up.

and looking it up at first i felt like none of the effects of hrt would benefit me much, but i started to realize... i'd kinda built my routine around avoiding those things about me completely. probably without even noticing it. i never listen to myself in recordings or look at photos of me, i cover the mirrors when i'm in the bathroom, i wear baggy clothes to hide my figure. it never bothered me because i just cut those things out of my life.

and i feel like after seeing a lot of other trans people's photos and experiences online i'm actually kinda excited about it!

my only worry about it now honestly is my voice... i've been singing for 10 years (it's been a while since i've had a vocal trainer tho), and while i HATE my talking voice, i love my singing voice! i'd be pretty sad if i couldn't sing my favorite songs anymore. or even if i hate having a new voice more...

but if i hate it so much i think more vocal training would help most of it anyway. if i'll sound anything like my dad it won't be bad. maybe i could even hit the notes in my favorite rock songs then XP. the other benefits probably outweigh it anyway. i wanna be fuzzy..........

i'm visiting the doctor again tuesday to see if the waiting times for hrt are any better than the ones for surgery (or if i could get a bump up considering my past uhh... crises.). i would hope to start before my 20th birthday at the end of the year, but i think i could wait until next year if i really have to...

if someone read all this hi :] this is more information than i have ever shared about myself in like the past 3 years. we are bonded by blood now.

[edge-oftheworld]

there's a tunnel in brisbane under the city called the clem 7. its name reminds me of the halsey song, clementine, but really--when you're in it it feels like travelling through space. it's too expensive usually to go through by car, but if you're travelling to chermside from the south there's a bus that takes you through it for $3.64 and you bypass the hustle of the city. now my boring old commute feels like that same kind of wonder--something i never thought i could feel about the bus ride I've done thousands of times again and forgot I ever did. i'm travelling through space and time, or is it in my own head, places and memories I thought I forgot coexisting all in this moment, all in the notes of this song?

i'm 16 and in love for the first time, and it's consuming me, i'm feeling too much and i have homework to do and i can't remember the last time i slept until sunrise. listening to the mouth of the river on repeat the way home from year 11 camp, not sure if i'm awake or not, the bus ride feels like a dream. brisbane is the one city that doesn't move on ever; all the people i connect to it and memories, happy and sad, i've lost from my teens or never gotten a chance to process, all the people I connect to them have left the city. i forgot that feeling. i remember it now.

sitting in my bed trying to study, i do urban design but i study it online, my lecturer is standing in pyrmont making a video and we're learning about the inner west. about the connection to the land of the Indigenous people of greater sydney, and not for the first time i think, i'm not indigenous, but i feel it too. and i feel the fragmentation, my sense of home in different places, different dysfunctional places, i never did find a place where i'm able to get my needs met. hopefully i get to create one one day. she's talking about the evolution of landscape through colonialism and whatever else, all i hear her saying, is the city tends to move on all the same. sydney always did. i knew there was hope and i knew the nostalgia was lost when they built the train bridge over the georges river at east hills. and i have something to do with my life and a defense against the frustration of traffic i never did learn to handle, but at what cost? in undergrad we learned the term 'solastalgia'. and i know what it is for me and i can't imagine how far away usamerica is or having to go there to create. i create all the time. i don't get anything else done.

where is home? my two cities are only a train ride apart, or a short flight. but i've never seen the homes of my ancestors. they live in me but i don't know them, i don't know their land. i want to. i want to connect to places in lots of places. i want to integrate them all into who i am. i want to discover things about myself i see in other people like i do even with more distant family here. i need to make peace with my high school self too, how do i go about that? how is it a song that's putting the pieces of me together and it hurts while it does, but maybe i can study the ways in which the city moves on meanwhile. cities are my art and it always hits home when i see them represented in my favourite form of communication, music. it's like someone photocopied my brain. God, perhaps. maybe I am the photocopy. and i'm okay with that. i'm okay with learning from what other people create. it's what i do i guess. but 16 year old me? who discovered urban design for the first time without knowing what it is? am i ready to face her? i have to. or i won't ever concentrate on anything else

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 26: Zurich Part 1

At first, I wasn't sure how I was going to do this one, because I usually listen to Zurich 1 and 2 sequentially, usually when I have a long train/car ride back from something shitty and need to smile. But then I realized that this could be my first time listening to them separately since that first time almost exactly nine years ago, and I knew I needed to do it.

That time was pretty crazy- I was traveling abroad and my time zone was ahead of the UK, and where I was staying there was only one room that had internet access, so I had to sneak down there past security in the middle of the night to listen to the first new Cabin Pressure episode in almost two years... two nights in a row! But it was worth it to open up BBC Sounds and just bask in it, while making as little noise as possible so nobody would know I was there. Ah, memories.

And of course, it was so worth it! Incidentally, I don't know if other people remember this but they actually released an advance clip beforehand, which was when Arthur shows up in the new "ice cream van." I don't remember if it was the FULL clip, but it definitely had him showing up and definitely had the ice cream chimes. I remember laughing myself sick at that, while also wondering what they were thinking releasing the funniest part of the episode beforehand, because wouldn't it take away from the obviously less-funny rest of the episode? Obviously, though, I had nothing to worry about.

You might be wondering why I'm just sitting here rambling about what I remember from 2014, and the answer is, to a certain degree, that John Finnemore kind of already did the definitive writeup of Zurich in his Farewell Bear Fact here. I've cited it here before, because it's just that critical. At a certain point, going too much into character arcs and motivations would just be me rehashing what he said, but worse.

That said, I definitely have some of my own comments, like how without listening to Yverdon and Zurich 1 in a row (which I basically never do), I'd forgotten that the pre-credits scene in Zurich is basically just a lesser version of the ending scene in Yverdon... I get that unless they wanted to commit to Arthur having an allergic reaction throughout the scene they couldn't just repeat it, but I'm still a bit sad we lost Arthur's thing about being a hotel guy. That said, transferring the scene over and reinterpreting it was done beautifully, and I love how Theresa showed up right at the key moment, not only for plot reasons (so that Martin needed to admit for real that he had the job) but because having her there as well really differentiated this scene from the prior one.

(I also want to say, my single favorite joke on this whole fucking show is in this episode, and it is "like in Casablanca, where the woman gets to go on the plane.")

The wait from Yverdon had, of course, been agonizing by the time we all (and by "we" I mean all of us but the lucky bastards who saw the recording) listened to it, and I remembered wondering how they were going to handle it- and was both surprised and delighted that Martin's attempted subterfuge was revealed immediately. It had felt like a cliffhanger for the sake of a cliffhanger- and of course, to a degree, it was (if JF hadn't wanted one he wouldn't have written one) and keeping didn't feel sustainable, which indeed it wasn't. And in general, the kind of farce that comes from keeping secrets isn't usually my favorite kind of comedy, which is a bit funny considering how much I love Frasier but I digress. So when everything was out in the open and they all just had to move on and deal with it, that was like a breath of fresh air.

And I LOVE how JF made this episode remarkably self contained! We'll see tomorrow in Part 2 that there are lots of dangling threads just begging to be tied up, but the episode is still utterly enjoyable on its own terms. I've seen/heard/read Part 1s that feel like they're just set up, but here everything is funny, sweet, heartwarming in its own right, even without Part 2 to provide the finishing touches. If the last we'd gotten of the Carolyn/Herc relationship had been her allowing him to say that he loves her because it's a special occasion, it would have been a basically fitting send off, even if what we'll end up getting in Part 2 is better. And of course the auction scene is perfectly self contained and hilarious, just amazing. (Though I have to say, a British radio comedy writer having GERTI as "lot 42" is possibly a trifle on the nose, but hey, everyone does it, why shouldn't he be able to...)

I'll admit that the first time I listened to this episode I thought that Douglas was serious about trying to get Gordon to sell the plane to Carolyn (for decent motives), right up until he explained his plan. Now relistening I'm not sure why I ever thought that, it makes zero sense in the context of the broader story and the characters. It was, of course, so much more exciting to me to realize that they were about to embark on a mission to go steal GERTI back.

[22degreehalo]

aaaaand FINALLY I've finished writing up my next few recs for the Summer @ficreadingchallenge :'DDD Most of these I read weeks ago when I was especially tired and just wanted to lie down and listen to some podfics, as you'll see below~ But I'm still going! I got sooo close to finishing a line this time (and I WOULD HAVE if I hadn't swapped around the squares for some of these hahaha) and if possible I want to complete a full blackout! n.n

A couple of prompt-related rambles: 'Enemies to Friends / Lovers' is highlighted buuut I actually later decided to use that fic for 'Future AU' so. Oh well :') I also swapped a fic from Domestic to Gift Giving even though gifts aren't the main focus because I was having trouble with that square and the gifts ARE still a pretty big part of the fic so??? who cares hahaha. Also somehow I've gotten this far using a different pairing for every single square and I was absolutely tempted to try to continue that, and am knocking myself out of it because I just want to encourage myself to read fic, not force myself into a pretzel trying to track down rarepair fics that SHOULD exist SOMEWHERE......

New recs below!! :D

Canon Compliant

after knowing all, I wonder, can you really say innocent? By Aialize (15.5k, ongoing, Milgram gen)

This is a super fascinating fic and a great example of one of my favourite genres: crack treated seriously! In this one, the music videos exist in-universe and the prisoners (plus Es) will watch them all, reacting and responding in-character. I love how committed the author is to this premise: some of the characters would rather forget all this stuff is even happening, while others (most notably Kotoko) fully intend to learn all they can about the other prisoners from them. It’s still early days, but I can’t wait to see how they all react differently, and what (correct or incorrect!) conclusions they come to! (Also, maybe it seems strange to use an AU fic for the tag ‘Canon Compliant’, but the fic is sticking to the canonically-chosen verdicts which is why it counts!)

Fic With No Comments Yet

messin’ up my mind by Skyrose – a podfic by CailynWrites (5k, 33:47, Percy/Oliver)

Choosing podfics for the ‘No Comments Yet’ category almost feels like cheating heh, but these very important fan works deserve just as much love!!! This is an adorable fic: stories where the characters’ friends/family ‘ship them’ can be corny and OOC, but I love that Fred and George initially just want to give Oliver something to care about other than Quidditch training, and have no clue the cogs they started working in Oliver’s head until they’re ready for that last push. And I love Oliver and Percy’s relationship: not quite close, comfortable friends, but more like very different people who’ve spent a lot of time together and never quite taken the plunge in becoming fixtures of one another’s life – yet. <3

Hurt/Comfort

The Care and Feeding of a Deeply Depressed Vampire [Podfic] by secretsofluftnarp, read by Pandamug (2.8k, 21:16, Nandor/Guillermo

Fics that perfectly capture the absurd black humour of this show are always a treat and this fic is no exception! One of the tags is ‘canon-typical sex talk’ and hoo BOY is that accurate haha, but beneath the characteristic horniness and always-at-least-mild insufferability, Nandor really is just a pathetic sad little vampire, and the degree of care Guillermo has for him – and how much Nandor trusts him in return – is so sweet!

BIPOC Character

[Podfic] The Benefits of Communication written by ushauz, voiced by GodOfLaundryBaskets (3.2k, 27:27, Wyll/Astarion)

I’m still dipping my toes into Wyll/Astarion fanfic, but this was a very nice introduction!! Despite focusing on Astarion’s trauma around sex, it also gets a bit into Wyll’s complicated relationship with it as well, in a way that totally makes sense for them! I can 100% see these two dumbasses having a miscommunication like this, doing something they both don’t like just because they think it’ll make the other happy :’D

Future AU

Recognition by SaraJaye (2k, N/Hilbert)

This is such a sweet fic, and I can totally imagine these two’s relationship going this way post-canon!! By the end of the game they’d both need some time before they’d really be ready to be in a relationship, and though short I totally love how the friendship builds enough here for them to do that! <3

Gift Giving

Tinsel by Lunar_Years (17.5k, Roy/Jamie/Keeley)

I absolutely love and 100% recommend this entire series of RJK fics – they capture the characters and their relationship absolutely perfectly, and the familial interactions ring so true! I particularly loved Roy’s complicated relationship to the holidays; feeling troubled by his own lack of enthusiasm towards what should be ‘his’ celebrations, and only realising in retrospect that he really had enjoyed his time taking part in it all with his partners. Despite being longer than all the other fics I’ve recced here so far, the time absolutely blazed by, because it all flowed so smoothly and once I started reading I didn’t want to stop! <3

Time Travel

Catalyst [podfic] by TheStarvingWriter, read by RavenGranger11 (2.5k, 19:53, Dean/Castiel)

This fic packs in so much for its length! It’s wonderfully atmospheric between the dingy motel room and young Dean’s insecurity and longing, and from the moment Cas steps in his fondness and familiarity for Dean shines right through <3

Time Loop

& home & home & home (or, a timeloop) by decemberista - a Podfic read by Beatificbean (3.1k/20:09, Remus/Sirius)

Ugh, this fic hits so hard. :( With its succinct writing we really get a sense of how hard Sirius tries, over and over, to save everyone. It’s almost like poetry – especially at the end, which really made me cry!! ;__;