#i feel like I can’t tag this depression so we won’t

[pickle-wiggler]

I don’t think the introvert/extrovert dichotomy is real because sometimes I need to be alone so bad I want to rip my own skin off and then when I’m alone I feel worse but I can’t muster up the energy to try and talk to a person and when I do life will be beautiful but then I’ll get tired again and the cycle starts once more and where does that put me in this binary world of liking people or not liking people

[archengazelle]

*** JWCT SPOILERS 🦖💥 ***

*

*

*

*

WE F*CKING WONNNNN ??!?! !! 🤯🔥🤯💥 IM INSANE LETS FCKING GOOOOOOOOOO AAAAA!! 🎉🎆💥✨🌟🎉👑🌟✨💞 I’M ACTUALLY SPEECHLESS I’M SHAKINGG

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

[alwaysanundertone]

Why try? | poly! marauders x fem! reader

tag: @staarflowerr @mooonyxoxo @liviessun

fluff / slight angst if you close an eye

word count: 1.5k

chapter one, chapter two, chapter three , chapter 4 will be coming soon

CW: negative self talk, cursing

TW: mention of skipping meals!!! Be safe please bestie 🩷

It’s been a couple of days.

A couple of days of you hiding in your dorm room because you just can’t bring yourself to talk to them. The worst thing is that you can’t even talk about it, because nobody knows that you’ve been dating them.

So your roommates just think you’re going through some type of depression.

Thankfully, being the weekend, you don’t have any lesson to go to, so you can just stay in bed and cry all you want.

You don’t even know why you’re making such a big deal out of a single comment, you are painfully aware that you can’t even fight over this small thing, but it still hurts.

That single comment brought out your first two years in Hogwarts, when nobody really was looking forward to become your friend, when you felt like a wallflower in every social setting, when you felt like somebody to be tolerated, not somebody to be loved.

The problem is, you haven’t eaten in two days, and even though you aren’t necessarily hungry, you know that you’ll have to have breakfast on Monday. You aren’t even sleeping well, this mix isn’t really helping your mood, nor the headache that doesn’t seem to pass. You just hope you’ll feel better tomorrow morning.

“Sirius you can’t just barge into her room, for God’s sake” James was sitting on his bed, head in his hands.

“Yeah, Prongs here is right. We aren’t even here boyfriends”

“So what? We’re gonna ignore the fact that she hasn’t been eating for two days straight and pretend that she is fine? Because she is not, I’m telling you. Remus you told us that she seemed strange in the library, yes?” Sirius was pacing anxiously back and forth in their dorm room. He just couldn’t understand why you had been in your room for two days straight, they thought they should have given you some space, but it was getting ridiculous, and Sirius hated space, he wanted you here with his two boyfriends.

Remus shook his head “Maybe she has been eating? How do you know she hasn’t left her dorm room?”

Sirius blushed “I may or may not have checked the map every five minutes since Friday night, and I wanted to remind you that she hasn’t eaten a thing even then! Herbology my ass, you don’t get that upset over herbology! She’s a little genius, I don’t think she has ever struggled since the first year, I won’t believe she is struggling with some stupid plants”.

James and Remus shared a look. Sirius didn’t usually care that much about anyone apart from them. They suddenly realised that they couldn’t loose you, not when Sirius was already going through so much with his family, he would simply break.

“You’re right Sirius. If you’ve checked, she has to eat. It’s a miracle she hasn’t fainted yet”

“Tomorrow morning. We have potions together, right? We’re gonna talk to her, and we’re gonna fix… whatever this is.”

Except you didn’t make it to potions. You were late, the night before you’re brain just shut down, and you woke up on Monday evening, skipping a day of class and, most importantly, three meals. This unplanned fast was getting ridiculous, even to your own eyes.

You felt a hand on your shoulder. “Y/N” Emmeline was trying to wake you up. “I brought you some food. I don’t know why you’re so upset, I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you need to talk to someone, or if you just want somebody to be there for you.”

You sighed. She was the only friend that stuck with you since the first year, and she was an angel; always there for you, always ready to listen and give advice, but you just couldn’t manage to talk about what was going on in your head.

“Thanks Em” You smiled, then she exited the room, and you looked at the plate. You ate something, but you were just too exhausted to finish everything.

You didn’t actually go to class since Thursday.

Truth is, you felt like a coward. You didn’t want to face the boys, too afraid of what they would think of you, of what they would say to you, and every day it got worse. You knew that they thought you were avoiding them, and you weren’t even sure why you were doing so, but every time you tried to get up and go outside, you just couldn’t.

Each day, Em would bring you something to eat, you just took a bite of everything, not really finishing the food you were given. Everyday, Em would tell you about how the marauders were looking differently, and how they stared at them throughout the meals, and you really felt guilty.

So, even though you skipped breakfast, having woken up late, you decided to go to class and to talk to the guys, at least to try to. You didn’t want to end something that didn’t even have the chance to start just because you were overthinking.

You were walking to the Great Hall when all of the sudden your vision became blurry, Em was telling you something about the upcoming herbology test, when every sound became sort of muffled, and your head suddenly felt so heavy, and now your legs weren’t cooperating anymore, and then you just fainted.

The marauders, which were catching up to you in the corridors, saw you falling to the ground, and suddenly they didn’t give a fuck about your brother anymore. He wasn’t there to help you anyways.

“Y/N!” Sirius rushed to you, Em staring at him with wide eyes.

Remus was quick to raise your legs in the air, while Sirius promptly made sure that the position wasn’t suddenly flashing the whole student body, while making sure you were smelling his strong cologne, putting your wrist under your nose. James was running to Madam Pomfrey.

Little by little, you started to gain consciousness. You didn’t make sense of the situation at first, so you just nuzzled into Sirius touch.

“Love, have I ever told you that I love your cologne? It smells really great, I want to bathe in it” You looked up at him dreamily. He chuckled.

“Well, sweetheart, thank you. You could have told me so without having to faint, giving me an heart attack.”

And then you realised the position in which you were in. You were in the middle of the corridor.

The students were all looking at you.

Em and Aurora were looking really funny, Em with her eyes open wide, Aurora practically fuming.

But Remus didn’t give you the time to think about this, hauling you in his shoulder and rushing to the infirmary.

They hauled you on a hospital bed, James and Poppy waiting for you.

“Well, what happened?” You tried to speak, but the boys didn’t let you.

“She fainted in the middle of the corridor. She hasn’t been eating for five days” You looked down, embarrassed. How did they know?

“I actually did eat a little” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I think we have a diagnosis. You’re a smart girl, you should know better than to starve yourself. If you feel like it, I think you should go have lunch. I don’t think we have to conduct further examinations, if you don’t have anything else to tell me?”

You shook your head.

“Is it okay if I carry you, darling?” James looked down at you softly. You blushed, nodding.

So he carried you, and you made your grand entrance: James carried you in his arms bridal style, Remus and Sirius walking at your sides. You could hear the students gasping, a buzz suddenly starting to raise in the common room.

The boys ignored it, sitting you next to them, their friends eager to get to know you.

“So you are the famous Y/N!” Peter was smiling at you, you blushed.

“How do” You cleared your voice. “How do you know my name?”

The boys and their friends started laughing. “How could we not know your name? They’re talking about you 24/7!”

“You should have seen Sirius this weekend, he was so tense that we barely could stop him from lashing out on a poor first year” Lily was smiling, you looked over at Sirius, who was feigning ignorance.

Remus filled your plate with mashed potatoes, some kind of meat, lots and lots of veggies and definitely too much bread.

“Eat. First you eat, then you talk. Please?” You nodded, feeling slightly ashamed, he looked really concerned, they all did.

“So anyways, how did you guys meet? And, most importantly, how come an angel like you got herself tangled up with them”

James shoved lightly Regulus, who was grinning, while you nearly choked on your food.

“Leave the poor girl alone, will you? You already know everything about how they met her, her eyes were sparkling in the sun and she had this-“ At this, they all said in unison “pink sundress flowing lightly and her hair were put in a perfect ponytail”

You could feel your ears burning, the guys all smiling at your shyness.

[sweetchildcloud]

||Cherish me part 2 || written by me

🔞 Gojo x reader| Minors DNI| TRIGGER WARNING 🔞

Plot: Gojo taking care and pampering a depressed raeder [self insert only about he depression and shower,not about the abusive mother ,i just wanted to add more angst lol]

Tags: sh,depression,Gojo x reader,cute,fluff,comfort,implied naked shower together,Gojo pampering you,past abuse mention,scalding,abusive mother(reader) [ viewers be aware,if this is touchy or unconfortable for you then don't go haed]

Warning: it starts immediately with sh talking

i'm no english native so sorry for some mistakes

please reblog 🔁 and like❤️

P.S: yesterday i did a shower thinking of Gojo doing it for me and since i feel depressed lately i wanted to write this and share my comfort.

i'm so delusional. lol

@muzansslxt @candy69gurl @kiwicopia

Satoru doesn’t let you finish. “Your cuts” he continues, almost as if he can’t bring himself to look away. “From last week and today” his voice is so soft, barely audibly.

He reaches out and takes your wrists between his hands, turning them over as he examines the cuts. “I know you weren’t just ‘scraping’ yourself” he says in a sharp tone. “You’re hurting yourself.”

“I-“ you try and pull your wrists away, but he firmly holds onto them. You flinch and quickly try and brush it off. You’re not ready to talk about it. But you know he won’t let it go.

“You’ve been doing this for a while now, haven’t you?” He doesn’t let you answer, and he’s holding onto your wrists too tightly. It hurts. “Tell the truth.”

“It doesn’t matter!” you finally cry out, your voice cracking. “I’m fine. I don’t need anyone. I just…I…”

Satoru doesn’t allow you to finish. He pulls your hands up to his chest and hugs you. Not just a friendly hug, he pulls you in tightly, almost as if he’s worried about losing you.

“It’s not okay” he says softly, stroking your hair. “You’re not okay.”

“I’m fine, I swear…” your voice cracks, and you know you’re close to crying. You’re not okay but it’d be better if he didn’t worry about you. You shouldn’t be so emotional anyway.

“I just…” you trail off. He’s holding you so tightly as he strokes your hair gently. It’s so soothing, and you can’t help but wish he would hold you like this always.

You just… you just want to be held.

He squeezes you tighter, and the two of you stay like this for a few moments. It’s too quiet, and you can almost hear his heartbeat.

Satoru presses a light kiss to your head then finally lets go. “I’ll run you a shower, okay? Go get cleaned up” he says softly. He holds your hand and walks you into the bathroom, helping you strip and giving you privacy. But it’s okay. You’ll be okay.

"But I don't want to shower" You whimpered annoyed

He gives you a firm look. “It wasn’t a question” he says simply, and begins undressing.

He’s already running the shower, and the bathroom fills with a warm haze. He strips out of his jacket and then his shirt, leaving only his boxers on. You can see the scars from countless battles marking his pale skin. Every muscle of his body is well-defined. And all you can do is stare in awe.

"You're gonna shower with me?" You spoke as he tugs you in towards the shower

“Of course.” He says it so simply and his bright blue eyes look into yours. “I’m gonna make sure there aren’t any razors in here, and then I’m gonna wash you myself. We need to clean out those cuts before they get infected.”

He stands under the water for a moment then grabs your soap, lathering your body with it slowly. He takes his time, moving gently and examining you closely. You almost feel like he’s worshipping you.

He takes a breath as he glances at your back and continues to lather you in soap. He’ll bring the burn up later. But for now he focuses solely on cleaning you.

Once he’s done, he reaches out and grabs the shampoo. “Head back, close your eyes.” You do, and he pours the shampoo onto your hair and then slowly washing it and massaging your scalp.

You trembled as your big burn scar on your back was exposed,memories flooded your mind,your mother pouring hot water on you calling you 'useless child'

You flinch and start to tremble as the memories return to you. The words from your mother play endlessly inside your head.

The sound of soap slipping through his hands brings you back to reality, and he continues to massage your scalp without skipping a beat.

He finishes massaging your hair gently, and then he takes the conditioner and rubs it through your hair carefully. He doesn't say anything for a moment until he's done, and then he pulls you against his chest tightly.

He rests his chin on the top of your head as he pulls you even closer. He nuzzles your hair and wraps his arms around you tightly. He holds you so close and protects you so gently. He doesn’t care about your scars or the pain that lingers over your heart. He doesn't know about your abusive past. He just holds you and comforts you, wanting nothing in return but your happiness. "It's okay" he says quietly, kissing the top of your head.

"it's not…ugly?" You asked trembling "i don't remember much..just my mum calling from the kitchen and then..she tooked the pot with boiling water in it that was supposed to be used for ramen and just…poured on me"

"Shh" he says, pressing his mouth onto your forehead to soothe you and distract you from those haunting memories.

"It doesn't matter" he whispers, as the water from the shower splashes.

"I don't care about your scars" he continues softly. "They're part of you. And who you are is beautiful."

The water cascades down your body, making your hair slick. He continues to trace his fingers along your scars, not judging or making any comments. Just… embracing them.

"Scars are proof that you survived what broke you" he says in a comforting tone. He kisses your forehead again and continues to stroke your hair as the water rinses the conditioner out.

"And that alone makes you strong" he says firmly.

"Plus, I think they look pretty. And who doesn't love scars?"

His tone is playful, although you can tell he's serious about not caring about the scars.

You feel like you're stuck in time. His voice is like a lullaby that soothes you. He strokes your hair, and the water makes your skin feel warm. You lean into him, and he holds you tighter.

All of your past trauma… all of your fears. It all feels like it's fading away in his arms. No matter how broken you may be, he'll always be there to pick up the pieces.

After a while, he turns off the water and dries you off with a towel before helping you put on a robe.

His hand runs up and down your back, massaging you and helping you relax. You're so grateful for his touch. After a while, he speaks up, his voice so gentle and soothing.

"Do you have a skincare routine?" He asks, sounding more curious than anything. "I'm guessing…you don't."

"do i look bad? does my skin feel bad?" You asked sounding hurt

"That's not what I meant" he says quickly. "Sorry, I guess I phrased that badly."

He pauses for a moment, thinking, and then gives you a small smile. "Your skin looks healthy. Maybe a little dull, but that's easy to fix. I was just wondering if you had a skincare routine or not."

When you don't reply, he continues "We should work on one for you" he says excitedly. "We can go out shopping together. I can show you the products I use. That would be fun, right? Plus, you wouldn't have to go out alone."

When he asks about shopping with you, he says it so excitedly, sounding like a kid asking his crush on a date.

"If you're the one putting products on me then.." you snuggled into his chest,you hand cupped and covered by the robe sleeve "I guess it will be okay" you mumbled

He chuckles and pulls you in closer. "Does that mean yes?" he asks softly, his hand stroking your cheek.

"And not just for shopping, I can help with applying products. And maybe you can try that face mask I bought. It says it'll give you 'radiant' dewy skin'."

He pauses for a beat and giggles softly. "I think it might look cute on your cheeks" he says, making you laugh too. The sound is so contagious.

Satoru smiles wider and ruffles your hair affectionately, his hands moving to your shoulders. "We could make a night of it. Order some food, and I can do a face mask too. I'm sure it'll look great on me." He winks playfully, clearly making up excuses to spend time with you.

Your eyes flicker to the floor when you realize that's all he wants. Time. As much time as he can make with you. He wants to fill each second of life with you.

“And I’ll tell you a secret.” He pauses for a beat again, and you listen intently, trying to understand what “secret” he would feel the need to tell you. “You’ll be the first person to see me with makeup on” he says in a whisper. “And I’m nervous.”

He chuckles lightly and rubs your shoulder again. The robe slips off your shoulder, and he pulls it back up, fixing it onto your body before speaking again.

“We should get matching face masks” he says. “Y’know, make it cute.” This time his tone is playful, and he grins down at you. “We could watch a movie or something. I’ll even set up a blanket fort for us to cuddle inside” he says, sounding like a child once again.

He’ll do anything for you. And you know that by now. His voice is so soft, and his eyes are warm as he studies your expression.

“And we’ll get snacks” he continues excitedly. “Popcorn, Doritos, chocolate. Do you like Cheetos? I can buy some cheesy Cheetos.”

He pauses, waiting for a response. It’s always cute to see him so giddy. “We’ll make a mountain of snacks out of the blanket fort and lie in it all night” he says, his voice full of wonder.

“I…I wanna make a memory with you, y’know? We can do anything you want.”

He rubs your shoulder again and then your hair. “So, what do you think? Wanna have a skincare night with me? We’ll make it a date night or something.”

He leans in and kisses your forehead. “And then we do the blanket fort the next time. You can decorate it however you want, and I’ll follow along.”

“And then you can tell me all about your scars” he chuckles, rubbing the back of your neck. “We can talk about anything you want.”

A few moments pass, and you don’t say anything, feeling lost in thought. Eventually, you speak with soft voice. “Yeah…” you say, feeling oddly giddy inside as if you’re a kid on Christmas morning. “That would be really nice, actually.”

He smiles and tilts your head up so that he can look you in the eye. “Then we have a date” he says, making his voice sound very enthusiastic. “It’ll be a big skin care night with movie and snacks and…”

“And more snacks, right?” you ask, and he nods enthusiastically.

“I’m gonna do a whole night dedicated to you” he continues. “We’ll focus on your skin, get some good food, and cuddle in a blanket fort.”

Your heart feels like it’s pounding through your chest as you think of all the things he suggested. “It sounds amazing…” you hesitate before continuing. “Do you promise it’s gonna be…c-cute?”

“It’ll be the cutest” he says with such conviction that you don’t know how it could be possible.

“Trust me, everything we do together is bound to turn out cute.” He grins goofily and strokes your cheek gently.

“It’ll be a date night of just us. I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing.” He pauses for a moment and looks you in the eyes again. “Nothing would be cuter to me than just spending the night with you.”

You grin sheepishly as you stare back at him. Your stomach twists in knots and your skin flushes.

His words are simple but you melt at their sincerity.

His bright smile, his eyes filled with a soft kind of love. Just the way he stares at you and speaks to you fills you with butterflies.

You know that he means every single word; there's no deceit in them.

In the silence between you, you realize just how important he is to you. You can't imagine a life without him in it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

A Guiding Hand 8

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, parental neglect, depression, inference of self harm, violence, abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: your online academics are affected by your personal struggles but your professor won’t let you give up so easy.

Characters: Raymond Smith, Lee Bodecker in the background

Note: I am tireddddd.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Professor Smith dresses you in a set of pajamas; white with blue stripes. They’re not your size, you assume they might be his. You’re not sure. You’re too woozy to think about much more than your throbbing hand. 

He lays you in the hotel bed as you shake uncontrollably. You’re freezing cold but he keeps touching your forehead and saying you’re burning up. How can that be when you can’t get warm? 

Your lashes flutter between glimpses of him pacing and sitting on the edge of the bed. When all is dark, you see his shadow beside you. His breathing suggests he’s asleep but you can’t tell. He’s up again as a halo of light shines around you. The lamp limns his figure as he pets your cheek. 

“Sweetheart, shh, you’re alright,” he coos, “no need to cry.” 

You’re crying? Why? You can’t remember. Your mind is a bubble of fractured thoughts and vague scenes. You can’t make scene of much between the visions of this man. 

“Fever’s broke,” he lays a wet cloth over your brow. “Very good. We’ll be off in the morning, won’t we?” 

“Mom?” You murmur in confusion. 

“Mm, let’s take one step at a time before all that, yes?” He caresses your cheek with his thumb. “Back to sleep.” 

He shuts off the light and you’re cast into grim blackness. His weight jostles the bed and you feel him spread out next to you. The bed is more than large enough for you both. 

“Professor,” you croak weakly. “What’s...” 

“In the morning,” he girds. 

You accept it, “sorry.” 

“Never be sorry,” he reaches over to squeeze your arm lightly.  

You lay in silence. Your eyes close on their own. You are completely drained. You sink down into a solid void that suffocates away all light and life. When you awake again, you’re alone. You might think it was all a dream if it wasn’t for the bright hotel walls. 

You remain as you are. You don’t have the energy to get up. You lift your hand and look at the bandage wrapped around it. It feels better and your fingers aren’t swollen. You bend them. It still hurts. 

The door opens and you drop your arm. You squeak at the pain. 

“Sweetheart, is all well?” Raymond rushes over, a tray in his hand. “I was only meaning to fetch some of the complimentary breakfast before we depart.” 

You blink and shake your head, “fine. I’m... fine.” 

“I hope you like coffee--” 

“Coffee?” You whimper and close your eyes. “Coffee...” you mutter. “I went to get coffee and...” 

“Yes, that fiend meant to attack you. You see, I did not come without purpose. How could I sit back and see you neglected?” 

“You don’t... I don’t know... you.” 

“Hush, hush, you must be hungry,” he insists. “It is good to eat. You are weak from the infection still. You must take care--” 

“My mom--” you look at him. 

He sucks in air and his jaw tenses. He steels himself and his fingers twitch. “Yes, a woman who allows her own daughter be abused.” 

“She... she couldn’t stop him--” 

“She should not bring the beast home with her,” he snips. “Please, you would not survive in such an environment.” 

“Why... would you come here?” 

He exhales and his eye bats, as if he can’t control it. “Why wouldn’t I after what I witnessed? Then you would not answer. I had half a suspicion you were dead.” 

“I’m sorry, I... didn’t mean to worry you but... it’s not your problem.” 

He hums and set the tray on the night stand. He offers a cup of coffee, “are you so used to being forgotten that you cannot accept kindness?” 

“No, it isn’t... I’m sorry.” 

“And the apologies. No need for it. I am not admonishing you. I am merely offering advice.” He takes your good hand and makes you take the cup. “There is much more you need to learn than accounting, I gather.” 

You frown and look at the dark coffee. 

“If you prefer milk or sugar, I grabbed some of each,” he explains and gestures to the tray. “Of course, you shouldn’t drink that in bed else you might stain the sheets.” 

“Oh, yeah,” you push the blankets back and move carefully. 

The pajamas brush against your stomach and you look down. You’re reminded of the day before. Naked in the tub. In front of him. You’ve never been so exposed before. You slump your shoulders and go to the table and sit. 

You look down at your burnt hand and bring up to examine the bandage again, “thank you...” you raise it higher. 

“Certainly. And who wouldn’t see to the festering infection? Are you not concerned that not even your own mother cared for that matter?” 

“Can we not talk about her?” You sniffle and rest your hand in your lap. “You should take me home.” 

“Home? That is no home. Now, you should eat. Keep your strength up so you can heal properly.” He girds. 

You nod and take a cautious sip of coffee. You’re still reeling, maybe even slightly delirious. You set the cup down again and lift your chin. You look at his neck, not his face. 

“Why?” You ask. 

“Why...” He echoes as he sits across from you. 

“Why help me?” 

He takes a packet of sanitizing wipes and uses them to clean the cutlery. You watch his diligent work. Everything he does is precise and purposeful. And cleanly. He seems to detest the thought of dirtiness and yet you can only feel like filth next to him. 

“Well, it should be a question, should it? It is humane. Decent. So, I shouldn’t need to name the reason for it.” He lays down each piece before he sets to claiming a muffin, then a scoop of the scrambled eggs, and strips of bacon with sausage too. “Though if you insist, I will give one. Firstly, let us underline that point. What you need, what you want, I would be more than willing to supply, but then, circle around to your query; why should I help you?” 

He takes the rest of the cutlery and wipes it then hands it to you. He makes you up a plate as he continues, “you, sweetheart, have great potential. I’ve seen it. And that would be spoiled all for a poor foundation. Now that is not your own doing, mind you, you cannot help where you come from, and more admirably,” he sets the plate before you, “you were fighting against it and so I only thought to lower the ladder for you.” 

You blink and focus on the food. You’re not very hungry. You feel slightly queasy but you would hate to be ungrateful. All these questions already make you feel so.  

“Thank you,” you croak and make yourself look at him. “Really...” 

You don’t know how to say it. You already feel pathetic and you don’t need to sink further. No one’s ever been that concerned about you. No one ever tried to help you. Most people just laughed, called you names, or pushed you down themselves. 

“Please, don’t trouble yourself very much, eh? I have the means to help. It would be selfish not to. A sort of passing the torch. I wasn’t born to wealth myself, or peace. Life can be a war on its own,” he gives a gentle smile beneath his thick beard. “Oh, and I did take some clothing from your home before our flight. I was able to use the hotel laundry. It should suffice, though I hardly trust their cleaning staff.” 

“Yes, sir,” you answer. 

“Raymond, please,” he corrects you. 

📓

Professor Smith, or Raymond as he insists, drives you across the city. He turns in the car at the rental place then leads you into the train station a block away. He’s patient, not hurrying you, and he pays for your ticket and his. You feel guilty for the expense. 

As you sit and wait on the platform, you fidget. You chew your lip and curl your fingers, the burn stinging beneath the bandages. 

“Are you well?” He checks in. He does every now and then. 

“Um, yes...” you look at the tracks, “I’ve never been on a train.” 

“A first, very exciting,” he muses. 

You nod and let your eyes wander. You’re nervous but too much to ask what makes you so. He moves so his leg is against yours. 

“Your hand?” He prompts. 

“It’s feeling better,” you assure.” 

“Very well.” He sits back and puffs out through his nose, “we will go to my home. You can recover there and when you feel up to it, we will go over your last assignment and see you through the course--” 

“Professor-- Raymond,” you sputter as you face him. “You don’t have to do all this.” 

“I am not a man who does things he doesn’t wish to,” he replies. “I’ve explained myself enough. It is unacceptable to me to let you return to where I found you. I couldn’t allow you in such an unsafe circumstance. Especially after what I witnessed.” 

“It-- he just yelled, that’s all.” You murmur. 

“Is that all? He had nothing to do with this?” He points to your hand. 

You shrink and shake your head. He clucks. 

“You are honest and so you are a poor liar. What I saw was more than yelling, sweetheart. You will not convince me otherwise. I know, this is a peculiar situation, but it is your way out,” he says, “tell me, you never thought of it.” 

Your lack of response is enough of one. Your eyes are hot, and your mouth is dry. Your leg jiggles restlessly. 

A lull rises as the chatter of others rolls through the platform. Soon, you hear the whine of metal on metal, and a bright beam shines from the tunnel. The train speeds through and grinds to a stop.  

You follow Raymond’s every move. When he stands, you stand. As he grabs his bag, you go to do the same but he has it in hand first. He gestures you ahead of him. You reluctantly approach the train. 

“The second from the front,” he instructs from behind. “I’ve our tickets.” 

You follow his direction. You’re good at that. As a professor, he’s just as good at giving orders. As you approach the waiting attendant, he reaches around to hand over the tickets. The woman in her uniform tears of the ends and hands them back. 

You step onto the small metal footstool and then climb the stairs of the train car. You pause as he puts your bags into the netted caddy near the front. He urges you on with another point and recites the seat numbers. You find them and stare at the row. 

“Would you like window or aisle?” He tucks away the tickets. 

“Mm, what do you like?” You ask. 

“Please, have the window. You did say it’s your first,” he insists. 

You duck your head and sit. He lowers himself next to you and slips a bottle from inside his jacket. He pops the cap open and offers it quietly. You glance over at the sanitizer. You don’t want to be rude so you put your unbandaged hand out. He dollops it into your palm, then his own, and puts it away. 

He rubs his palms together and you sanitize around your bandage and your uninjured hand. You sit back and look out at the platform. He’s a very stringent man but you might only think so because you’re used to no rules at all. He’s thorough too. He seems to think of everything.  

You look at him but think better of asking what you want to. He catches your glance before you can turn back. He shifts toward you, leaning on the outer armrest. 

“Go on,” he urges, “you can say whatever you need.” 

“Sorry, it’s nothing.” 

“Please,” he opens his hand encouragingly. 

You drop your eyes and wet your lips. You’re going to sound so dumb. “Do you really think I could... I could do something? Like you? Like... like... accounting?” 

He chuckles softly. It’s not mocking or mean. It’s soothing. 

“I do believe so,” he says. “You needn’t fret. Let yourself time to heal, then all that will come after.” 

You sniff and sit back. You don’t know if you agree with him, but you’ll try. That’s all you can do. It’s what you should do after he’s gone to all this effort. 

[dancingtotuyo]

5. sleep the hours that i can't weep

Woman | Joel Miller

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: You have a rough day

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (Reader is 42, Joel is 56). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: Grief, depression, sadness,

Notes: huge shout out to my beta readers @fhatbhabie and @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin I love you both so much! and I appreciate the time you've taken to help me with this story.

Words: 2711

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

Two Months Later 

It wakes up with you, the heavy weight that dulls your senses making you feel removed from the world. The bed feels colder, and emptier, like you’re staring into a void. You miss Gabe and his warm smile waking you up. You miss the laughter ever present in his eyes. 

Your hand reaches out, fingers spreading over the pillow, his scent long gone. You sigh, eyes closing with the few tears that escape. You pull the covers up, tucking it under your chin. The grief washes over you. 

Your bedroom door clicks open. There is a soft patter of little feet on hardwood. Carter’s small hands clutch the sheets as he pulls himself up, slipping into the vacant space. Warm palms touch your cheeks. You open your eyes to be greeted by the same eyes you miss. Only, they’re smaller. 

“Morning, Mommy!” He smacks a wet kiss on your cheek. 

“Good morning, Baby Boy,” A smile reaches your lips. Your arms wrap around his small frame, pulling him into your arms. You pepper his face with kisses as he giggles, covering his eyes with his hands. “Did you sleep well?”

Carter nods, snuggling further into you. He provides you with a warmth your body can’t seem to produce and the July morning doesn’t chase away. You inhale deeply as the grief settles in again. Double this time, as Carter’s namesake floats through your brain. You know the date well. The birthday of both your brothers. Blake and Carter. The day you spend thinking about Carter. His lifeless body flashes before your eyes. The day you were left alone in the world. 

It’s the day you spend wondering if Blake might still be out there, and your parents. Most of the time, you accept that they’re all gone. Today is the exception. It got harder when Tommy showed up. It gave you hope for maybe. 

“I think we’re gonna stay in bed for a little bit. How does that sound?” 

He doesn’t respond, but you don’t expect him to. He’s content in your arms. You don’t have to go to the clinic today. You won’t. They’ll come get you if you’re needed so the two of you stay snuggled under the covers late into the afternoon. 

Joel’s voice pulls you out of your hazy nap. Your limbs feel warm and stiff in a good way. Carter shifts beside you, sweat plastering his hair to his forehead as it always does when he sleeps. Your eyes blink open, Joel’s solid frame slowly coming into focus as he leans against the door frame. 

“Hey…” Your limbs extend as you stretch your muscles. 

He smiled softly, drawing to the edge of the bed. “You weren’t at the clinic. I was worried something happened.”

“We just needed a day in bed.” Your hand brushes over Carter’s head. 

The mattress dips with Joel’s weight. He smiles at Carter’s sleeping form. “Everything okay?” He notes your puffy eyes, red from your previous tears. 

You’re tempted to shrug it off and keep the information to yourself, but this is Joel. You’re working on opening yourself up to him. 

“It’s Blake and Carter’s birthday today. It just makes me think about my family.”

Joel nods, hand running up and down your covered calf. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

You pull yourself into a seated position. Joel smiles, running a hand over your cheek where tears had run hours earlier, though it felt like they’d hardly stopped. “I must look like a mess.” 

You wipe your nose with the back of your hand. The heaviness still rests on your shoulders, but some of the weight has lifted. It doesn’t feel as close as it did this morning. 

“Maybe just a little bit,” Joel chuckles, holding up a small space between his thumb and pointer finger. You smack his bicep. 

“Rude.” but a smile pushes its way onto your face. 

His deep chuckle fills the room. “I’d like to stay if that’s okay. Maybe make you dinner?” 

You nod. “I’d like that.”

He kisses your forehead softly, thumb caressing your cheek. The afternoon sun pours through your bedroom window flickering off floating dust particles. Carter’s head is heavy in your lap. You know he’s going to stay up all night. You have no idea how he’s stayed in bed with you all day. 

“Good.” He hums.

Your stomach rumbles, loud enough for Joel to hear. He tilts his head your way. Carter shoots up, looking at you through narrow eyes. “Hungry Mommy.”

“We might need to eat dinner at 3 pm.”

Joel chuckles. “I can make that happen.” He eases off the bed. Carter follows his lead stringing sounds together in the process. You get the impression he would like to help. “I agree, bud. Mom could definitely use a shower.” 

You scowl. 

“And her teeth brushed.” 

You cross your arms in protest but the body odor fills your nostrils. Crinkling your nose, you try to ignore it, but can’t. “That’s not very flattering of you.”

“No- but it’s honest.” Joel winks. “You take a shower. You’ll feel better, and Carter and I will make food.”

Carter nods, crossing his arms over his chest. You can’t help but giggle at your toddler. “Okay, okay.” You throw your hands up, and another wave of body odor. “But I expect dinner to be on the table when I’m done.”

“Aye, aye.” Joel salutes you. Carter copies, making you laugh more. 

The two of them leave you to prepare a meal. Your stomach growls again as you pull yourself out of bed. 

Once you’re in the shower, the tears spill again, mingling with the scalding water of your shower. It’s one of those days when you wonder, why you? Why did you get to live? Why did you have to lose so many people? Blake, Gabe, Carter, your parents, their faces all flash in your minds, some more blurry than others. There are more faces and names still. The people you’ve lost since the outbreak, the people you couldn’t save. The weight compounds, threatening to break you, yet you’re still here. You’re still standing. 

 Eventually, the hot water dries up and so do the tears. 

Joel is right. The shower helps. Despite the bloodshot eyes staring back at you in the mirror, you feel like a new person, your body scrubbed clean from all the sweat and tears. Steam still drifts through the bathroom as you pull on your clean clothes. Your breath smells like mint and your skin like lavender. 

Dinner is almost ready when you make your way downstairs, but the warm smells drift through your home. Ellie’s voice joins Joel and Carter’s as Carter shows Ellie where to find the correct dishes. It pulls a tired smile to your lips. She comes and goes these past few months, not sure where she belongs as you and Joel settle into whatever you are. You always make space at your table for her. 

“Looks like I should’ve taken longer.” You tease. 

Joel smiles, handing you a cup of water. It’s cool on your tongue, feeding your dehydrated body. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” 

You refill the cup, taking your time with the second glass. 

“Nurse Lady,” Ellie says. “I’ve got a question for you.”

“She’s got a name,” Joel glances Ellie’s way.

She looks at you with an eyebrow raised. You shake your head, winking at her. “Hopefully I’ve got an answer for you,” Joel mutters under his breath. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering…” Ellie chews on her lip, her frame showing less confidence than it did seconds ago. “Do you think- Never mind.” She shakes her head. “Forget I said anything.”

You tilt your head to the side. “Well hold on. Now you’ve got my curiosity piqued. What is it?”

Ellie’s eyes dart from you to Joel, back to you, and then to the floorboards. Her boot scuffs at the hardwood. 

“Ellie,” Joel says. 

She sighs. “I know you don’t have a lot of equipment or anything, but…” She stops for a second, seeming to weigh the words in her head. “But I was wondering if you could look at my blood. Just to see if you can find anything in it.”

“Ellie… I-” You say.

“I know it’s a long shot.”

You search for the right words. There are none. There wasn’t a cure for fungus before- and even if there were- you didn’t have the tools or even the abilities, but she looks at you with so much hope and need. 

“The fireflies said there wasn’t a cure,” Joel says, shortly. “And they had a bunch more resources than Jackson.”

“I know but-”

“There’s no cure, Ellie. Let it be.” Joel snaps. 

Ellie looks at you, her stubborn streak kicking in even as the hope in her eyes dwindles. You can’t tell her no. You won’t give her false hope, but you won’t tell her no. 

“Look…” You glance at Joel and then back to her. “There was no cure for this kind of infection before. I don’t have the tools or the knowledge or training or any of the shit you need to create any kind of cure.” Ellie’s shoulders fall as she waits for the inevitable. “But if you come to the clinic tomorrow- I’ll take some blood.”

“Really?” A spark returns to her eyes. You feel Joel’s mood shift behind you, gathering the impression that he is not a fan of this idea. 

“Yes, but please don’t expect anything. Okay? About all I can do is look at it under the microscope.”

Ellie nods, but you see the excitement growing in her small frame despite your warning. 

“Dinner’s ready,” Joel says, pulling a pan off the stove. 

You look at him, but he’s focused on transferring the food to a serving bowl.  Deep lines set in his forehead. You don’t even have to ask to know that he doesn’t like this. You just hope it won’t hurt Ellie more when it doesn’t work out.  

Joel loosens up throughout your early dinner, and by the time you finish up, he’s laughing. You feel warm and fuzzy like you’re riding a nice buzz. It’s a welcome change from this morning and the weight this day carries. In some ways, it reminds you of the family dinners growing up as you celebrated your twin brothers’ birthday, laughter and smiles filling the room until it spills into the outdoors. 

Eventually, Carter pulls Ellie off to his room, blabbering on about cars and space. Their playing echoes off the wall of your home as you help Joel with the dishes. It’s a welcome change. It reminds you of all your stolen plans. Two kids- three if biology would allow it- and a house so contagious with love and laughter it infected the whole street. The old dream is like a siren's call lulling you out further and further in until you drown. Oddly enough, you don’t care. The slight spike in your anxiety is quickly overridden by Joel’s easy presence. 

He hands you another dish to dry. “You gonna tell me why you’re upset I agreed to look at Ellie’s blood?”

“I’m not upset.” Joel bristles slightly, but you keep your eyes trained on him. You know he’ll tell you. He cares too much about Ellie not to. “Don’t want to get her hopes up is all.”

“Bull shit.”

He sighs, rinsing another plate before handing it to you. “You didn’t have to tell her last time it didn’t work.” He pauses. He won’t meet your eyes as he shifts from foot. You feel like he’s withholding something, trying to decide what he should tell you. “She looked like there wasn't a reason for her to be here anymore. She’s been off since we got back because of it, and you just ignited that spark again.”

“And what if it works, Joel?” You don’t believe it will, not for a second, but Joel’s attitude makes you defensive.

“And when I have to deal with the fallout again?”

“I set beyond reasonable expectations.”

“And she brushed them aside.” Joel’s words start to rise in volume. 

You match it. “She said It herself. She knows it’s a long shot.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What’s this really about? This feels like a lot more than protectiveness.” You cross your arms. 

Joel sighs, rubbing his temples with sudsy hands. “I don’t remember you being this stubborn 20 years ago.”

The words set off a wildfire inside you. Heat spreads inside your chest, eyes growing wide with rage. “A lot changes in 20 years.” You throw the dish towel down. It smacks against the counter with a solid thwack.  

You storm out of the house, seeking the calming effects of the outdoors. The ups and downs of the day hit you like a semi-truck. Your knees buckle, sending you to the stairs. You don’t feel like crying, but you sit there with your head in your hands, reeling. 

You’re not sure what exactly about Joel’s words set you off. The expectation of being the same person you were before the world ended? Or the disregard for everything you’d been through in the past two decades? Or maybe it was the fact that it was just an asshole thing to say. 

After a few minutes, when your heart rate returns to normal and the angry heat has begun to seep out of your body, Joel eases next to you. You keep your eyes pinned straight ahead. 

Neither of you speak. A breeze sneaks around you, raising goosebumps. A couple of kids play in the street a few houses down. A bird chirps, hopping across the ground in search of grubs. It chirps and flits up to its nest where you know 3 baby birds lay. 

Joel inhales deeply, rubbing his hands together. “I’m sorry… for what I said.”

“I can’t live with expectations of being who I was 20 years ago, Joel.”

“I know, and that’s not fair of me.”

You nod, unsure of your next words. You’re going to forgive him, you already know that. His warm hand settles over your knee. He squeezes it softly and you can’t help but lean into him a little bit more. “I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Joel stiffens a little bit. He tries to hide it, but you’re starting to pick up on his mannerisms again. They’ve hardly changed in 20 years. 

You place a hand over his. “You don’t have to tell me what it is if you don’t want to.” You finally look at him, gathering his strong profile. 

His Adam's apple bobs slowly. He’s told you a lot these past couple of months as you lay in bed. Sometimes, you stayed quiet as he talked about what he did to survive, and things inside the QZ, sometimes you joined in, but you know there’s more to his story. There’s more to your own story. 

“One day.” He says. “Not now.”

It’s enough for now. It’s more than enough really. He’s already further than you thought you would let someone in again. 

“Okay.” 

He leans over, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Wanna go for a walk?”

You shake your head. “Not tonight.” 

He furrows his brow. You stand up, holding your hand out. Taking it, he rises to his feet following you back inside. Bare feet pad against the hardwood floor. Ellie and Carter’s conversation drifts down the stairs filling you with a sense of comfort you’ve never felt before. You turn on the old record player and a warped copy of Rumours, skipping to the second track. It was one of the few things you brought with you from your grandparent’s house when you moved into this pocket of remaining civilization. The volume is up just enough to set the atmosphere. 

Joel sits on your couch and you ease beside him, feet tucked under you with your head on his shoulder. His fingers brush along your shoulder. The grief you woke up with still lingers. Between the low hum of Dreams, Ellie and Carter’s faint noise, and Joel’s breathing, your eyes droop. For the first time next to Joel, slumber calls your name, and you answer. 

[daffi-990]

Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday

It’s felt like years since I’ve posted something. The writing beans have not been beaning. I get a sentence out here or there, but yeah .. it’s depressing 🫠. But I keep telling myself it won’t last, and I’ve got a week long holiday by the beach coming up at the beginning of December so fingers crossed the time away will get some ideas and words flowing.

Anyway, despite the writing not coming easily, I’ve slowly been chipping away at the Eddie breakdown fic and I think it might be done. Feels like I’ve been working on it for years 😅. Just need to give it a read through and see if it’s all there (and makes sense) and then off to be beta read!

Prev snippet here

Buck’s throat feels thick and clogged with emotion, and he kicks himself for getting so worked up when they’re only going away for a few days, not forever.

“Remember you can always escape to the hotel if your parents are too much.”

“They’re always too much.” Eddie huffs.

“Yeah, but you’re newly therapized so you can breathe through it or whatever.”

Eddie laughs, shaking his head at Buck fondly, his mouth curved up into a lop-sided grin that Buck wants to kiss.

He wants to show Eddie the cards he’s been holding close to his chest. To lay them down and pour his heart out, hoping and praying that Eddie is holding a matching hand.

But he can’t tell Eddie he loves him right before his best friend is about to board a plane to Texas. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. So he swallows the words down, whispering a quiet not yet to his heart.

Eddie's laughter fades away and his gaze softens as he looks at Buck.

"Buck -”

The airport intercom crackles to life, announcing that the flight to El Paso will begin boarding soon.

“Never mind,” Eddie says with a sigh, a hint of disappointment in his expression. “It can wait until we get back.”

No pressure tagging: @diazsdimples @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @wellcollapse @exhuastedpigeon @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @rainbow-nerdss @rewritetheending @thelikesofus @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @tizniz @princessfbi @buckera @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @actuallyitsellie @steadfastsaturnsrings @sibylsleaves @spagheddiediaz @queerdiazs @queerweewoo @devirnis @dangerpronebuddie @diazheartsbuckley @disasterbuck @kitteneddiediaz @fiona-fififi @king-buckley @glorious-spoon @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @beyourownanchor6 @bekkachaos @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @lover-of-mine @lonelychicago @clusterbuck @captain-hen @missmagooglie @monsterrae1 @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels and as always, anyone who has something they want to share -> consider this your offical tag 🏷️

[tonguetyd]

If your wings won’t find you heaven, I will bring it down like an ancient bygone

I’ve always liked this line, but hearing it live made it click in a way it hadn’t before

Feels scheduled ahead

When Ves sang this line in Radio City I had the image pop in my head of the scene from It’s A Wonderful Life. “What do you want Mary, you want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and bring it down for you. Say that’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon.”

So another way to look at this line. “If you can’t find your heaven, despite the wings you have, despite the divinity you have been granted, if you just cannot find joy? That’s ok. I’ll bring it down for you. I’ll fight like hell for you. I’ll give you that joy, I’ll sauté those horrors, you postpone that funeral RIGHT now, I am going to find the heaven you deserve.”

I wish I could remember who it was (probably @melit0n ‘s Euclid essay tbh but it may have been someone else) but someone wrote a theory that Euclid is the first song written thru not the character of Vessel’s eyes, but the guy/singer/songwriter/ACTUAL dude on stage Vessel himself. And I thought it was kinda an interesting theory but I think combining that with this idea makes it a little weightier. Because, Vessel the character is very much a part of Vessel the guy by virtue of the fact he embodies the character on stage every night. Just as Vessel the guy is (presumably) in a lot of Vessel the character. They’re the same, he’s not real, hes just some guy, hes acid and alkaline, etc etc.

(Edit I reread my tags, this post from @a-s-levynn is definitely the first time I saw this idea, yes THANK YOU LEV)

So. Point being. If this is Vessel the guy singing to Vessel the character, “despite your wings and all that Sleep has given you, you still cannot find peace. So I will bring it down for you. I will be your mouthpiece, I will write the words and tell your story. And you will find the love you want.”

That’s Ves speaking to himself.

And I think that is incredibly powerful and the most self-romantic thing I have ever heard. I’ll be your my joy and bring you myself heaven and the moon.

.

Recovering from depression and wanting to leave everything behind is a long fucking road. Idk that you ever really stop being on that road. I certainly still feel like I’m on that road even all these years later, but…the biggest thing that keeps you going is for your past self. At least for me anyway. I fight for the little girl that lives in me who thinks she will never be loved and needs to be perfect and ruins everything and is constantly reminded of how unforgiving the world is.

Baby girl, if you can’t find yourself heaven, I will bring it down for you. I’ve got you. I am hugging you so tight and telling you everything will be okay, my love. Look at us now. We’re still here. And we’re just fine. We are doing great. We’re alright and loved. And I will keep fighting like hell for you and to keep you safe and happy.

And so I think this is similar to what Ves is saying to himself. And it makes it that much more of a hopeful song. “Yes, I must be someone new, but moreso…I will keep living.

I will fight, for you.”

The next time you sing that line. Sing it to your younger self. Or to the parts of you that you feel are most difficult to love. Promise to fight for them. Bring down heaven.

And try not to cry

And if YOUR wings won’t find you heaven? I got you, too. ❤️

[mint-yooxgi]

{9} - Paradise Gardens - Yandere!Demonic Entities!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Demon AU - Book Two to Hotel California

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst, Fluff, Slight Humour

Pairing: Ateez X Reader (Slight focus on Jongho)

Words: 12,135

Warnings: Violence. Arguments and verbal fights. OC gets some sense slapped into them by Reina, literally. Mentions of blood and of small cuts being inflicted to a wrist to draw blood. Mental Illness: mentions of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: Not me staying up to post this when I have work in a few hours lmfaoooo anyways, this chapter turned out much longer than I expected! So, yay!! I'm quite happy with how it turned out, cause I feel like the stress of the situation is a sort of catalyst to the argument that ensues. I'm just glad I was able to get in everything that I wanted. It definitely starts off a bit tense, but the ending is quite light and happy. Also, potential smut next chapter anyone? 👀 As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy~

Also, gentle reminder that I don’t do tag lists.

Mini Masterlist - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight

The moment Yeosang feels you brush against his mind, he’s appearing in Reina’s apartment.

“Sweet baby, Jesus.” Reina places a hand over her racing heart as he now stands across from her in the living room. “You weren’t kidding when you said they can just appear.”

“I told you,” you chuckle, moving over to stand beside him. 

You notice that she rests just a tad bit shorter than him as she looks him over, her arms crossed over her chest.

“So, you’re Yeosang.” She takes a moment to look him up and down. “The musician.”

“And you’re Reina.” His brow quirks slightly in amusement. “The best friend.”

“The one and only.” She grins, tucking the tome further beneath her arm. “Though, you had longer, blond hair the first time we met.”

Yeosang spares a glance at you out of the corner of his eyes. “That I did.”

Briefly, you lean into him, explaining lowly what Reina remembers of the incident.

He nods in understanding.

“So,” Reina’s voice draws both of your attention back to her, “you play the violin.”

“I do.” Yeosang confirms with another brief nod of his head.

“A little birdie told me that you learned a specific melody for her.” There’s a knowing lilt to her voice as she says this. “Well done.”

The corners of Yeosang’s lips quirk upwards. A certain pride begins to fill his chest seeing as he cannot get a read on Reina’s thoughts anymore. There seems to be a spell blocking her mind from his, keeping her opinion of him secret. Though, from what she’s implying right now, he assumes that he’s gotten her approval. Or at least, some of it.

“You can do your best friend interrogation later,” you step over to playfully nudge her shoulder. “We’ve got another pressing matter to attend to.”

“Right, right,” she waves you off as the two of you step back over to Yeosang. “Sorry, I can’t help it. Now that I know, I need to make sure they pass my inspection and everything. They may be Kings, but I’m still your best friend.”

You snort out a laugh just as Yeosang places a hand onto each one of your shoulders.

“You know that your approval of them won’t change how I feel.” You grin. “Also, brace yourself: bend your knees, and close your eyes. It helps with the nausea the first few times.”

You barely make out the confused furrow of her brow when Yeosang is teleporting the three of you back home. Once the foyer is in view, you notice Reina stumble forward, and you immediately move to steady her on her feet.

“I warned you,” you chuckle, helping her straighten back upright.

“I don’t think there’s a proper warning for that.” She grumbles, brushing some stray flyaways out of her eyes. She blinks a few times after that, further clearing her vision.

From down the hallway, you notice a few of the other guys file out of Jongho’s room. The commotion must have drawn their attention, and you watch as Reina tenses ever so slightly as the commanding presences of the Kings of the Realm washes over her. The worried pull of their brows could definitely be mistaken for looks of irritation.

Only, she doesn’t have a chance to dwell on it all that much for Sudaem is stepping out of the room.

A gasp of awe escapes Reina, bypassing all of the males to walk right up to the gorgon.

“You must be Sudaem.” She extends her hand out to the female. “I’m Reina, baby caster. Nice to meet ya!”

Sudaem seems taken aback by Reina’s forwardness, and you can only chuckle fondly as you lightly push your best friend into the room.

“We can do proper introductions later.” You finally step into Jongho’s bedroom, seeing that he hasn’t moved a single inch since you last left him two hours ago. Stella seems to be absent as well. “We’re on a tight schedule here.”

“I’ve prepared everything that I could,” Sudaem addresses you. “There are a few things left that the spell requires, other than the caster’s performance.”

“What else does the spell need?” You inquire, watching as Sudaem moves over to the side to grab her own spell book that has been resting open on top of the dresser this whole time. Wordlessly, she hands it to Reina.

“It will need your blood, since you are connected to him in such a way currently.” She says, bringing a brass bowl filled with ash root, along with a few other things, over to you.

Carefully, Reina places her own tome down onto the dresser, balancing the other spell book effortlessly in her hand. You can see her eyes darting over the words on the page, and you just know that she’s taking in all of the instructions with excruciating detail. Her mind is practically racing behind her eyes, suddenly feeling the pressure of this moment building on her shoulders.

“This is a complex spell.” She comments, worried gaze darting over to you.

“It is.” Sudaem is the one to answer, a nod to her head as she holds the bowl beneath your wrist.

You turn to look at the males standing at the side of the room. “I’m going to need a blade.”

You can see the hesitation on their faces even before they say anything.

“If this is going to work-“

“We know, Dearest,” Yeosang grimaces. “We just don’t ever like seeing you injured, no matter the context.”

“I understand that,” you incline your head. “But-“

“I’ll do it,” Hongjoong steps forward, a small dagger appearing in his hand and glinting beneath the candlelight that illuminates the room.

The curtains have long since been drawn, blocking out any and all natural light. Even the door to Jongho’s room has been closed since you’ve all reentered it, only the faint flickering of the flames causing shadows to dance over the walls.

Carefully, Hongjoong grabs your wrist in his free hand, thumb gently stroking over your unmarred skin. He glances upwards briefly, noticing how you nod subtly at him. A small, reassuring smile tugs at the corner of your lips.

“How much blood is needed?” He directs his question towards Sudaem, not even bothering to break eye contact with you.

“At least five drops.” She replies instantly, holding the bowl steady all the while.

Hongjoong nods his understanding, and you can sense the tension in the room radiating off of the others as he brings the edge of the blade to your skin. A flick of his wrist and blood begins dripping into the bowl beneath you. Yet, as always, the pain of such a wound never comes, and from how intently he seems to be staring at your wrist, you know that he has something to do with it.

Not even ten seconds later, Hongjoong’s thumb is tracing over the small incision. Smooth skin replaces the open wound as he heals you without another word, turning his sharp gaze briefly to Sudaem. She scurries away, moving beside Reina with the bowl after hearing his silent command loud and clear.

This should be plenty of blood, anyways.

“All that’s left is to cast the spell,” Sudaem says, and you notice how everyone’s gaze suddenly turns to Reina.

She blinks. “No pressure, or anything.”

“If you can summon the Eight Kings without knowing what you are, you should have no issues with this spell.” Sudaem comments, and you sense the slightest bit of reassurance leaking into her tone.

Your brow quirks slightly.

Taking a candle into her hand, Reina holds it just above the brass bowl that Sudaem clutches beside her. Lightly, she tilts it, allowing the wax to begin dripping into the mixture periodically. Steam begins to rise from the bowl as Reina begins chanting, focussing her energy into casting this spell for the time being.

The bowl bursts into flames, Reina’s voice echoing throughout the room and commanding your attention. Faintly her eyes begin to glow, the whites taking over every visible colour as an intense wind kicks up inside of the room.

You hold your breath, feeling Hongjoong place a comforting hand onto your shoulder just as you reach for Jongho’s own. You can tell that you’re not the only one holding on to another as a lifeline in this moment, worry clear on all of your features as you glance between Reina and Jongho continuously.

The blaze within the bowl begins to die down, along with the wind. Not even a moment later, all of the candles go out, and the room is shrouded in darkness.

Subconsciously, you tighten your hold on Jongho’s hand.

A blink, and both Mingi and San have relit the candles, bathing the room in a warm amber glow once more. The bowl still smokes, but no longer are Reina’s eyes glowing. The only difference seems to be the rise and fall of her chest as she desperately fills her lungs with air.

“Did it work?” She meets your gaze, a sort of hesitance to her voice.

Some complicated spell that was, there weren’t even multiple components to it.

Quickly, you turn your head to face Jongho, noting the steady rise and fall of his own chest. You don’t notice any physical changes, so you lean into him, lifting your free hand to caress the side of his face.

The whole room goes still, anticipation lingering throughout. Not even the flickering sound of the flames can be heard as you all watch Jongho intently, waiting for that tell tale sign of movement beneath his lids.

Except, it never comes.

Your whole body freezes, heart suffocating painfully inside your chest.

“It didn’t work…” your voice is small, words nothing more than a whisper on your lips.

Tears begin to well in your eyes as your throat tightens. You were betting everything on this spell, not even bothering to think of the consequences of it not working. You had faith in Reina, and you had faith in him.

“You must have done something wrong.” Mingi rounds on Reina, a stern frown pulling at his features.

The gorgon shakes her head, devastation clear on her features. “She didn’t.”

“Did we have all the proper ingredients?” Yunho directs his question towards Sudaem, stepping in beside the stunned gorgon.

Sudaem stands there, hands trembling as she clutches the bowl in front of her. Her lips part periodically, like a fish out of water as her snakes begin shifting restlessly over her head. Her slate grey eyes shine with unshed tears, fear freezing her to her spot.

“It should have worked,” she whispers, whole body beginning to shake. “We did everything right: the ingredients, the preparation, the caster.”

“We knew there was going to be a possibility that it wouldn’t.” Seonghwa keeps his voice low, though you can still hear the panic seeping into his tone.

“Are we sure it was the right spell?” San begins pacing, his hand coming up to support his chin as his mind races with what to do.

“It has to be,” Sudaem answers lowly, blinking a few times to clear her vision. “There’s no other spell he could be under, and this is the only one I know to bring him back.”

You opt to remain quiet, mind reeling with all of this information, and lack there of around you. Desperately, you attempt to come up with a solution for a problem you don’t know all of the variables for, drawing a blank each time.

Hesitantly, Reina shifts over to the dresser. She places the spell book in her hands gently on top of the wood, pulling her own tome closer to herself. Slowly, she begins flipping through the pages, skimming through the words until she finds the section she’s looking for. Once she does, her eyes dart over the lines quickly, brain scrambling to comprehend everything going on around her.

A call of your name from her draws your attention.

“Don’t dissociate just yet, and get your ass over here.” Reina states, quite firmly, without taking her gaze away from the book.

Wordlessly, you move over to her side.

“Dissociate?” There’s a hint of worry to Wooyoung’s voice.

Reina points to the page for you to read before turning around to face the others in the room.

“She’s about to get into her own head again,” she blinks, crossing her arms as she leans back against the dresser. “Can you not see the signs?”

A low warning growl escapes San’s lips.

“Don’t growl at her.” You turn your head to look at him from over your shoulder, brow tugging downwards disapprovingly. “She’s only trying to help.”

Without waiting for a response, you turn back around. Reading the words on the page explaining the ‘Veil of the Hypnos’ spell keeps you grounded for the moment, head spinning with what you can do to save Jongho.

“You all need to keep talking.” Reina instructs. “I’m still new at this whole witching thing, but tell me everything you know about this curse he’s under.”

The several males all share a brief look, but it’s Sudaem who speaks first. Calmly, she explains all that she knows about the spell to Reina. Everything that she’s already told you.

Your body goes still, mind churning as you hear the details once more.

“So, he’s stuck in a plane between this world and the next.” You state, blinking blankly down at the page before you.

“Every second lost he could be straying further from his body.” Sudaem confirms, fingers nervously wringing together. “Not to mention what else creeps through the veil.”

You swallow thickly, lips pursing into a thin line. Softly, you begin to nod to yourself.

Reina spares a look at you out of the corner of her eyes. “I know that look.”

“We just need to bring him back to his body.” You’re somewhat just speaking out loud at this point, but you do not shift your eyes away from that page open before you.

The words ‘connection’ and ‘high emotion’ practically glare back up at you.

You turn to look at Reina.

A silent conversation seems to be happening between the both of you. She tilts her head in inquiry, to which your eyes widen exasperatedly. A moment later, her brow furrows in concern while you begin to nod quite eagerly.

“No.” Her tone is firm as she shakes her head. “No way in hell.”

“What?” There’s an even bigger look of worry pulling on Wooyoung’s face as he looks between the two of you.

“Three-hundred and fourteen seconds.” You say. “That’s all you need to give me.”

“That’s just over five minutes.” Hongjoong’s brow furrows in confusion, his arms crossing over his chest.

“Read the page and tell me that that’s not what it’s implying.” You practically slap your hand over the tome open on the dresser beside you. “I can bring him back."

“There is no way I am putting you under the same curse as him just so you can, what? Stumble your way through the veil and attempt to find him?” She replies, her eyebrows practically raising into her hair as her voice rises in pitch. “I am not killing my best friend. That spell hitting you is suicide.”

A hushed understanding passes over the room and panic immediately seizes each male.

“You’re thinking what?” Seonghwa’s eyes look about ready to bug right out of his head, needing to rest a hand against the wall for support.

“Not if I’m prepared for it!” You counter. 

“We’re not putting you under to lose you, too.” San’s voice is firm, a hint of desperation shining through as he looks to you.

“Petal, we need to think this through.” Yunho’s worried tone comes through, his heart pounding restlessly in his chest.

“I have thought it through.” You turn to them. “If this is the only way we can get Jongho back-“

“It’s not the only way.” Sudaem cuts in, her eyes somewhat glazed over as she stares at the ground in thought.

“It doesn’t matter!” Wooyoung is frantic, crossing the distance between the two of you in an instant and holding you at arms length. “We just got you back! We can’t lose you again.”

“This is my choice, Woo.” You reply, placing your own hands gently atop of his own and sliding them from your shoulders.

“No,” San shakes his head. “You’re not thinking clearly.”

“This is insane.” Mingi begins pacing, pulling at his roots once more.

“I’m thinking perfectly fine.” You reply calmly, turning meeting Hongjoong’s wide eyed gaze. “Wasn’t it you who told me that the first step to sanity is embracing the insane?”

“Now is not the time to be arguing about this.” Yeosang crosses his arms over his chest. “Dearest, you can’t say something as reckless as that right now. We might lose our brother, don’t make it so we lose you, too.”

“You won’t lose me.” You shake your head.

“You don’t know that!” There’s genuine fear in Seonghwa’s eyes as he falls to his knees. He looks about ready to start pleading with you in a moment, genuine desperation clear on his features.

“The spell didn’t work when we tried it on Jongho to bring him back,” Hongjoong attempts to keep his voice calm, levelheaded. “What makes you so certain it will work to bring the both of you back this time?”

“I’m connected to all of you, aren’t I?” Your gaze darts around the room, and you notice how Mingi, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung have all started to cry.

“Starlight-“

“Hold the fuck up!” Reina cuts in, furious gaze locked on you. “Are you negating the fact that I will not be casting such a spell on my own fucking best friend?”

“Reina-“

“Don’t you, ‘Reina’ me! I’ll admit, we’ve done some stupid fucking shit before, but this takes the cake!” She slams her hand on top of the dresser beside her. “Do you realize what you’re fucking asking of me? In front of them no less?”

Her free hand points in the several male’s direction, clear panic on her features.

“I understand-“

“I don’t think you do!” Her eyes blaze with an unrivalled fury, the whites of her eyes beginning to glow.

“Um, excuse me-“ A timid voice attempts to cut through the thicket of booming arguments being thrown around the room.

“They would be doing the exact same thing for me right now if I had been the one to actually get hit!” You counter, arm flinging out in the direction of the bed Jongho rests upon to point at him. Briefly, your gaze darts around the room. “You’re telling me that none of you would be thinking any differently if you knew that this was your only option left?”

“There’s a difference, Dearest,” Yeosang grimaces. “We are not human.”

“Excuse me-“ The voice is a little firmer this time, but still gets ignored.

“Don’t you dare play the entities card on me right now.” The tears of frustration you so desperately attempt to hold back begin to streak down your face. “What happened to us being equals?”

You fail to miss the side-eyed glance Reina gives you, backing away slowly from the rising tension in the room.

“That’s not fair, and you know it.” Mingi’s voice is low as he freezes in his spot.

“No, what’s not fair is the double standard you all have when it comes to doing things for me.” You counter, voice rough with the rawness of your emotions. “So, you all can risk your lives for me whenever it pleases you, but when I wish to do the same for one of you it’s suddenly not okay? I’m the reason Jongho is in this godforsaken mess in the first place. Am I not allowed to want to right my wrong? Am I not allowed to want to save a man I love?”

“You know we’ve never blamed you for this, Baby.” San states, wiping away his tears using the back of his hand.

“Petal, we’ve talked about this,” Yunho grimaces slightly, taking a half step towards you only for you to avoid his reach.

“If this is the only option we have, then I will gladly sacrifice myself for someone that I love.” You see the devastation on their faces as soon as the words are out of your mouth.

“But, what about us?” Wooyoung’s voice is small, probably the quietest you’ve ever heard him.

“What about you?” You cross you arms over your chest, a slight frown pulling at your features.

“Are you that desperate to ignore our own feelings on the matter?” San meets your gaze, and you can feel your throat tighten.

“Of course not!” You immediately reply, shaking your head.

“We swore that we would always protect you, and now you want to risk your life for a plan that might not even work?” Mingi shifts restlessly from foot to foot, his hair sticking out in odd ends.

“We don’t know it won’t work.” You reason. “Besides, I’ve survived much worse than some measly little curse.”

Collectively, their breaths hitch.

“Don’t go there.” Seonghwa’s hands brace himself on the floor, his tears spilling freely onto the hardwood beneath his palms.

A low, warning call of your name sounds from Reina.

“We have already almost lost you more times than we ever thought we would,” Hongjoong states, keeping his voice low. “Don’t add another mark to the tally.”

“Then, what are we supposed to do, Hongjoong?” Your hands desperately run over the top of your head, fingers digging into the skin of your skull.

He remains silent, the others offering no other solutions, either.

“This is my choice,” you breathe out. “A choice I know all of you would be making if that were me on that bed right now.”

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” Wooyoung replies, quite exasperatedly. “Your guilt is blinding you from reason!”

“You think I’m doing this solely out of guilt?” You turn your gaze to the younger demon standing near you, your eyes blazing with a sort of pained fear. “That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Do you think that we don’t know exactly what you’re going through right now? That we don’t understand exactly how you’re feeling?” Seonghwa’s voice is strained, glancing up at you through tear filled eyes. “What’s not fair is you making light of the worst night of our lives.”

Your breath catches, and you swear your heart stops. A second later, and your hands are balling into fists at your sides.

“Do you really think that night was any better for me?” Your eyes are bloodshot from all the crying you’re doing, voice cracking as your whole body shakes. “You only got to see the aftermath. I had to live through it! I’m still living it. Every time I close my eyes, if I don’t watch my every goddamn thought, she is there. She is everywhere I look, and she continues to torture me even in death. She has woven herself so deeply into my life that each time I think I pull a thread loose, another appears to take her place.”

“Petal,“ Yunho takes a concerned step towards you again, nothing but sorrow pulling at his features.

“Do you think I’m not terrified to wake up every morning, only to discover that this has all been some elaborate fabrication that she has made in my mind to continue torturing me with?” Your admission has them all freezing in their spots, tears beginning to fall freely down all of their faces. “I never want another person to experience even an ounce of pain that she made me suffer through, and now Jongho could fucking die because of my mistake!”

“Don’t make his sacrifice into something horrific.” Mingi shakes his head, voice barely above a whisper as he attempts to reign in his emotions for the moment. “He would have done what any of us would have in that situation.”

“That’s exactly my point!” You raise your hand a bit exasperatedly in the air. “You cannot avoid the truth that’s always been right in front of you. That’s not fair at all.”

“You think that it’s fair to Wooyoung that you avoid the dance studio because of what she did to you in it?” Yeosang’s voice cutting through the darkness of the room surprises even you. He keeps it steady, watching you with a cautious gaze the whole time.

The aforementioned male remains quiet, a new sense of stillness travelling through the room as Wooyoung suddenly avoids your gaze when you look to him.

“Do you think it’s fair to Seonghwa that you do the same to his tailor shop?” Yeosang adds lowly. San places his hand onto the elder’s shoulder in worry, but Yeosang just shrugs him off before continuing. “You haven’t even looked at the art room or the garden since everything happened. Do you think that’s fair to Yunho? To Hongjoong?”

“Yeosang-“

Yunho’s own worried protest gets cut off by the aforementioned male.

“You haven’t even touched the piano since that day at your parents house,” he continues, keeping his tone steady as he watches you physically trembling before his very eyes. He can tell that you’re doing whatever you can to hold yourself together at this point in time, but you’re simply a moment from falling apart. “Do you think doing something this reckless will reclaim those parts of yourself that you lost? Have you even tried getting them back?”

A brief silence.

“Maybe I don’t want them back.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, yet you fail to realize exactly how your words sound to everyone in that room.

Reina’s eyes are wide as she watches the crestfallen expressions overtake each male’s face. He gaze darts around the room, noticing how nearly all of them barely keep themselves together, whole bodies shaking as the two tallest males fall to their knees.

The sound of the slap reaches your ears before you feel the harsh stinging on your cheek. 

A gasp of surprise escapes Sudaem, her hands coming up to cover her mouth in shock as she stares at the scene before her. Reina’s hand still rests in the air, your head turned harshly to the side as several low warning growls resonate throughout the room.

No matter what the circumstances might be, you are still their Queen, and they will do whatever they can to protect you.

Little do any of you see the way Jongho’s fingers twitch subtly in his sleep.

“How dare you fucking say that in front of me.” Reina’s voice is low as she pulls you upright and holds you firmly at arms length. “Do you even know how that sounded? Directed at them of all people? Pull yourself together. Now is not the time to be arguing about this. You said it yourself, time is of the utmost essence! Sudaem has been trying to tell you all something for the past ten minutes. So, pull your head out of your ass, and stop being a selfish, heartless crab!”

This seems to snap you out of your angry stupor, blinking at your best friend a few times to clear your head. Only, just as you begin to nod along with her words, Reina is torn from you, being pinned to the wall by her throat.

“Don’t you ever speak to My Divine like that again.” Seonghwa’s voice is low as he leans into her, nothing but a harsh whisper on his lips. The eldest looks completely crazed right now, tears streaking down his cheek as his eyes flash in warning.

“Raise your hand against Our Queen like that again, friend or not, and it will be the last thing you ever do.” Wooyoung seethes, gaze pitch black as he stands just behind the eldest for the moment.

“Seonghwa, Wooyoung,” you manage to step over to them, pulling them away from Reina in an instant. “She’s right.” 

Your best friend crumples to the floor, coughing slightly as she attempts to catch her breath.

Turning to face all of the males once more, your shoulders deflate. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“We can talk about it later,” Yunho’s voice is soft as he helps Mingi back to his feet. “Okay, Petal?”

A small nod is all he receives in response.

“Geez! You weren’t kidding when you said they’re extremely over protective.” She wheezes, using you as a support as you help her back to her feet.

“You were the one brave enough to slap me in front of them.” You chuckle, feeling all of their eyes on you.

“More like stupid enough.” A weak smile tugs at her lips as she leans on you for the moment. She lets out a chuckle of her own, teasingly nudging your side. “Well, stupid is as stupid does.”

“She’s slapped you before?” There’s a hint of irritation in Mingi’s voice when he says this, head tilting forward the slightest bit in disbelief.

“We’ve been roughhousing since we’ve been young.” You shrug. “She’s the only one allowed to slap me, and I’m the only one allowed to slap her. Only when we’re being ridiculous, of course.”

“She still hurt you.” San stands tense across the room, hands balled into fists at his sides.

“Because I was hurting you.” You meet his gaze briefly before turning back to face Sudaem. “My apologies, you were going to say?”

The gorgon straightens a bit in her spot, clearing her throat as she feels everyone’s eyes on her. Nervously, she shifts from foot to foot, her snakes falling silent around her as their tongues flick out to scent the tension slowly dissipating from the air.

“I was just going to say,” she looks to you, “this isn’t our only option.”

Your brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, there’s another spell that will put you under, and enable you to walk through the veil without having to use the ‘Veil of the Hypnos’ curse.” She explains.

“Then, what are we waiting for?” You take an eager step forward.

“Petal, we need to talk about this,” Yunho’s worried voice reaches your ears, the events of the past ten minutes still swirling through his mind.

“Hang on a moment, I’m not done,” Sudaem raises a hand in the air in a halting motion. “This one does indeed have a time limit, and you cannot wander too far from your body lest you actually wind up lost in the veil forever.”

You swear you see Mingi pulling out his hair again just as Wooyoung turns around with an exasperated huff.

“There’s no winning with this, is there?” Hongjoong sighs, shaking his head.

“How does it work?” You motion for Sudaem to continue.

“Well, again, since you’re connected, you would have the best chance of finding him if put under.” She begins. “Your mind would essentially be transported to the space between realms and set to wander freely for about five minutes. Then, we’d have to pull you and whoever you’re holding on to back out. At least this way we guarantee you won’t die on contact from the initial casting of the spell.”

“And if I can’t find him?” You spare a glance at all of them around the room. “What then?”

“Then, we’ll take it from there.” Seonghwa sighs, running a hand through his hair.

Your lips tighten into a thin line, turning back to face Sudaem as your thoughts race. Shifting, you rest a hand on top of the dresser to support yourself with as you look down at the ground. Blinking a few times, you think everything over.

“This all has to do with the mind being separated from the body, right?” You spare a glance at Sudaem.

“In a way, yes.” She confirms. “The body cannot live without the mind.”

“What if the mind had a physical attachment to this realm? Would that give me more time? Would it make the spell easier?” You meet her gaze, and you know she can see the gears turning in your mind.

“It’s possible, but I’m not sure.” Sudaem replies honestly. “It might make it easier when you get called back to your body, though. You’d have a direct path back to it, no matter how far you were.”

You nod your understanding, turning to face the several males standing off to the side once more. One brush against all of their strings lets them know exactly what you’re thinking.

The several males share a look.

“We don’t like this, but at least it’s a better option than the other one.” Yunho crosses his arms over his chest.

“We’d rather it be one of us that goes under.” San adds, lifting his head to meet your gaze.

“There are things worse than just mist floating around inside the veil.” Seonghwa breathes out, somewhat shakily.

“Then, I’ll be quick. If anything happens, I’ll tug back so you know to pull me out right away.” You state rather firmly, turning back to face Sudaem. “What do I need to do?”

Sudaem spares a glance around the room, the faintest hint of apology on her features as she meets the King’s gazes. Then, taking a deep breath, she begins.

Which is exactly how you find yourself sitting on the edge of Jongho’s bed, his hand held tightly in yours not even five minutes later.

“We’re going to need more of your blood.” Sudaem holds that brass bowl in her hands once more.

Mingi, Wooyoung, and San all curse under their breaths.

“I will gladly bleed again,” you state, rather firmly. “I will bleed as many times as it takes to ensure that this works, and he comes back to us. It’s what I would do for any of you, and I know you would all do the same for me.”

Any words of protest that had been building on their lips fail, frustrated looks of understanding passing over their features. You’re right, and even though they don’t particularly like this, they’ll deal with it. They have to.

Again, it’s Hongjoong that gently slits your skin, taking your pain and making sure to heal you as soon as possible. This time, though, Sudaem paints a symbol over the back of your hand, mirroring it on Jongho’s as his is still held firmly in your own.

Softly, you brush up against that maroon string in your mind before grabbing ahold of it as tightly as you can. This string will be your lifeline to him, and you hope beyond everything that your theory of it guiding you to him is correct.

A second later, you feel the rest of the guys doing the same to you. You don’t even need to look at any of them to sense the worry and slight hesitation that they all have lingering in their thoughts, for you sense it loud and clear through the mind links.

They move in closer.

“You’ll have just over five minutes if this all goes well.” Sudaem tells you, moving over to stand beside Reina who holds the one spell book in her hands.

“Angel, are you sure about this?” Wooyoung’s frantic voice reaches your ears, and you can see the concern still clear as day in his gaze as he looks at you.

“Positive.” You nod, and despite the shakiness to your breath, you believe that this will work.

“Any sign of danger, and you immediately contact us to pull you out.” San reiterates, cupping your cheek and forcing you to meet his gaze. “Okay, Baby?”

“Okay,” you nod your understanding, briefly leaning into his touch before turning away from him.

“We’re right here, Petal.” Yunho steps closer, sitting beside you on the bed and placing a hand onto your back in comfort.

You smile. “I know.”

Lovingly, you brush against their strings. Although it’s slight, you can just tell how much that simple notion helps them to relax.

Lifting your head, you turn to glance at both Sudaem and Reina. “I’m ready.”

Two nods from either female greet you in response. 

“Remember, send a pulse through the bond after every minute that passes so I know how much time has elapsed, and that I have left.” You spare a glance at them out of the corner of your eyes. “After the fifth one, if I don’t tug back immediately, wait fifteen seconds, and then pull me out.”

Nods of understanding are seen around the room from all of them, and you notice how Yeosang comes to kneel beside you. A blink, and he’s grabbing your free hand into his own, clinging to you for dear life. You don’t even have to look at him to know how worried he is. Not only that, but how remorseful he is for the way he spoke to you. The sorrow is written all over his face.

He will never forgive himself if they can’t pull you back out. The last thing he wants is for your final memory of him to be his harsh tone reminding you of your own trauma responses. He knows it wasn’t right of him to say those things and make you feel worse than you probably already do. Especially right now.

“Let’s do this.” Determination shines in your eyes as you look down at Jongho resting on the bed. Silently, you tug on that maroon string connecting your mind to his, sending reassuring thoughts his way.

I’m coming, Baby Bear. You swallow, somewhat nervously. Wait for me.

Not even a moment later, Reina begins immediately focusing on the page before her, while Sudaem holds that bowl close by. Softly, Reina begins chanting, her eyes beginning to glow white as power surges through the room. You can feel the mark on the back of your hand beginning to burn, and when you look down, it begins to glow a deep red. Again, a breeze picks up throughout the room, shifting the flames as shadows dance along the walls.

Then comes the silence, followed immediately by the darkness of all of the candles going out once more.

A blink and the flames are reignited.

“Did it work?” Hesitantly, Reina glances around the room.

All eyes are drawn to the bed where they see your limp body resting in Yunho’s arms. Your eyes are closed, and the symbol drawn in your blood glows faintly. Luckily, your chest seems to rise and fall steadily in even breaths. Faintly, all of the males in the room brush against your mind, holding onto that connection for dear life.

Your five minutes start now.

The first thing you notice when you go under is how light your body suddenly feels. It’s as if you’re floating upon a cloud, swaying gently with the breeze.

Your brow furrows, and groggily, you begin to blink your eyes open. Slowly, you begin to stand.

Fog surrounds you on all sides, a bright light shining from behind you. Turning reveals a faint archway, multiple colours streaming through the pale golden light. Familiar colours which seem to stretch out and attach themselves to you.

Sparing a glance down, you nearly jump back in surprise.

There, resting peacefully on the ground, is your sleeping body. You notice your arm stretched out to the side, and following the path it makes reveals Jongho’s body laying directly beside yours. Your fingers are intertwined, a faint red glow emanating from your hands.

At least you have a marker to make it back to.

Backing up slightly, you watch as those colours stretching out from the archway move with you. A moment later, and they seem to pulse with movement.

Your eyes widen in understanding. A minute has already passed.

Turning around to face the vast expanse before you, you attempt to peer through the fog. The faintest outlines of a maroon line can be seen in one direction, and you cling harder to that string in your mind.

Gently, you give it a small tug.

Something roars in the distance, and you feel your blood run cold. Whipping your head from side to side, you fail to see anything close by. Yet, that doesn’t prevent you from putting one foot in front of the other quickly in order to begin following that faint maroon line further into the mist.

The only sounds that reach your ears are that of your breathing, and the constant repetition of your feet scraping along the ground. Frantically, your eyes dart around you in search of any signs of movement, or shapes through the mist. You have a creeping feeling of being watched, and you know to trust your instincts for the moment, especially when in a place like this.

Feeling the second brush against your mind, you quicken your pace. Again, you tug lightly on that maroon string, and this time, a low growl sounds in the area, much closer than before.

You follow it.

“Come on, Baby Bear,” you mutter, eyes desperately scanning the mist for something. Anything. “Where are you?”

With every step you take, you notice that faint maroon line becoming brighter and brighter. The fog seems to be thinning too, and you can begin to make out faint shapes in the distance. One seems to be much large than the three surrounding it, and as you get closer, you begin to see corpses of… things lining the ground.

Limbs are twisted in odd angles, black blood splattered against the pale grey ground. These things appear creature like in shape, some having leather wings like bats, while others are more dog like, but they’re all about the same size. Not to mention they all seem to be that same pale grey colour as their surroundings.

Just as you feel that third brush against your mind, you see them.

A large brown grizzly bear fends off the last three of these creatures. One gets trapped in his maw, while another is torn apart by his claws. The last creature manages to jump on his back, sinking it’s own claws into his skin as he cries out in pain. Only, the bear manages to roll over quickly, crushing the smaller creature beneath its tremendous weight.

He stands back to his feet as he shakes out his fur, starting with his head.

You’d recognize that movement anywhere, and before you can stop yourself, you begin sprinting towards him. Another frantic tug is given to that maroon string and you watch as that bear lifts its head in your direction almost instantly.

Warm, brown eyes meet your gaze, and you swear you see that maroon line leading directly to him light up with a vibrance unlike ever before. In a few bounds, he’s reached you, nuzzling his snout into your neck and stepping in as close to you as he can.

What are you doing here? His voice sounds a little frantically inside of your mind, and you physically breathe a sigh of relief.

I came to get you. You brush your hands over the top of his head tenderly, wrapping your arms around his neck and practically sinking into his soft form.

It’s dangerous here. You shouldn’t be-

Neither should you! You immediately cut him off, pulling away to stare deeply into his eyes.

The fourth brush is felt against your mind.

We need to hurry back, I only have a minute left before they pull us out. You motion behind you with your head.

How do you know which way you’re going? I’ve been lost in here for days. The furrow of his brow is clear, even while in his bear form.

You smile. I’ve got my lights to guide me home.

Instantly, you picture connecting his string to all of his brothers inside of your mind, and the way you feel the land around you begin to tremble lets you know that they’ve all felt it. Only, you have less than a minute to make it back to your bodies before they’re pulling you out.

Subtly, you notice Jongho’s eyes glance over to the low glow of the colours attached to your form. Bending down, he motions for you to craw onto his back. 

Hop on.

Without hesitation, you do.

Jongho immediately takes off into the fog, chasing those colours that drift through the air and connect you to all of them back home.

A warning screech echoes in the distance and you hear Jongho curse lowly.

Stay low to my back, the ones with wings are ruthless. He instructs, picking up his pace the slightest bit.

You do as told, clinging to his fur for dear life as Jongho races through the mist and back to that bright archway that begins to shine faintly in the distance. Luckily, you don’t see anything chasing you, but you know better than that. The faint flapping of wings, and pounding of feet upon the ground behind you lets you know that more of those creatures are giving chase, and they don’t seem to be relenting anytime soon.

With each passing second, you can see that archway getting closer and closer. Faintly, the outlines of your bodies can be seen laying on the ground, not having moved a single inch since you left them there about four and a half minutes ago. In fact, you’re positive that fifth brush will be coming at any moment now. You just hope you can both make it in time.

The second you feel that fifth brush against your mind, you go tumbling from Jongho’s back mere feet away from your body.

A frantic call of your name is heard above the hissing surrounding you, feeling pain erupt on your arms as claws dig into your flesh.

Blinking up at the creature, you see a sight that tears a shriek from your lips. It has no face, except for a jagged slit of a mouth where its chin should be. Rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth greet you as its lips pull back in a what appears to be a gleeful grin. Leathery wings protrude from its arms, it’s claws pinning you in place on the ground as your blood spills from your wounds.

The faintest hissing of the word ‘human’ on the air draws your attention. A horrid hissing that is filled with excitement the more it echoes around you by varying creatures, all of whom begin to step out of the fog and surround the two of you endlessly.

A blink, and the creature is swiped from above you, being torn in half by Jongho’s claws.

You can feel your heartbeat in your ears, blood rushing through your veins as you roll over quickly to avoid another dog-like creature pouncing on top of you. Luckily, you roll right into your own side, eyes wide as you see Jongho a mere foot from you.

A frantic call of his name escapes your lips as you reach out to him, knowing you only have mere seconds before you’re pulled out of this veil and back to reality. So, you fight with everything that you are to hold on for as long as you can. Until you can feel his hand in your own.

It’s as if the word around you moves in slow motion. You begin to feel an unfamiliar tug at your mind, pulling you backwards through the archway by your head. It’s as if a hook has been placed right behind your forehead, jerking you backwards unforgivingly as Jongho shifts back into his human form. Desperately, he reaches out to you and his own body with each of his hands, fingers just brushing against your own. 

At the same time, the creatures surrounding you all lunge. Snarls sound all around you as they attempt to reach you before you can escape, hissing about not letting such a delicacy leave.

The last thing you see is a wall of creatures swarming you as you pass through the veil. You experience a brief feeling of falling, your hand tightening around something warm as you sink into the abyss surrounding you.

You close your eyes.

A gasp escapes you as your whole body jerks upwards in Yunho’s arms. Blinking a few times, you clear your vision, noticing how you seem to have slid off of the side of the bed and onto the floor. Still, Jongho’s hand in held in your own.

Your breathing is frantic as you heave air into your burning lungs, head turning every which way to gather your bearings. Yeosang rests beside you, clinging onto your opposite hand as he presses it to his forehead. The chest your back is pressed against belongs to Yunho, and you notice the others surrounding you with looks of complete worry on their features.

Your whole body aches, but you force yourself back onto the bed, much to their discontent.

“Dearest,” Yeosang reaches out to you, brushing one of his thumbs near your chin.

You shrug him off, glancing a hint of red now lining his skin.

Breaking your hold on his hand, you wipe at you nose. Pulling away reveals your own blood, and you begin to wonder just how long your nose has been bleeding for.

No wonder they all look so worried.

“Are you okay?” Hongjoong kneels in beside Yeosang, placing a gentle hand onto your thigh. Though, with how badly you feel him shaking against you, you cannot tell if it’s more for him or for you at this point.

You nod, turning to face Jongho on the bed.

“I had him.” Your voice is no more than a whisper, tears leaking out of your eyes as you look down to see him still in that calm state of sleep. “He was right there.”

You practically collapse on top of him, sobs wracking your entire body as you pull your intertwined hands up to your chest. It’s faint, but you swear you feel his fingers tighten against your own.

The room is quiet around you, but it seems somewhat brighter than before. Someone must have opened the curtains to let the natural light of day in around you. It’s warm, and you swear you can feel a ray of sunlight shining directly onto your cheek as you keep your eyes closed for the moment. Warmth of which is mirrored in the way a hand tenderly caresses the back of your head.

“My Darling,” a rough voice, strained from lack of use over the past day and a half, reaches your ears. “Why are you crying?”

Your whole body freezes, breath catching in your throat as your heart skips a beat inside of your chest. Tentatively, you shift your head, peering up at him through tears which blur your vision.

A blink, and they clear, falling upon your cheeks like rain against a windowpane.

Your lower lip quivers as you watch him sit up with you in his arms, his warm, brown eyes searching your face carefully. His hand that had been gently cradling the back of your head shifts to cup the side of your face tenderly, brushing away your tears with his thumb.

A moment of stillness travels throughout the room.

In the blink of an eye, you’ve fully collapsed into his arms, a fresh round of sobs tearing from your throat. Your whole body shakes as apologies fall endlessly from your lips, hands desperately clinging onto him as if he may disappear again at any given moment.

Softly, he shushes you, cooing gentle reassurances in your ear as he rocks you back and forth while in his arms.

“I’m okay.” He keeps his voice low, holding you to him as desperately as you cling onto him. “You’re not at fault.” Your breath hitches. “You’re not at fault.”

You sob harder.

“We’ll be in the foyer.” Reina’s soft voice reaches your ears, and you assume she’s guiding both herself and Sudaem out of the room to give you all some privacy.

More apologies fall from your lips a you bury your face into the side of Jongho’s neck. With your void down for the moment due to the requirements of the spell, they can all tell that you’re no longer just apologizing to the youngest anymore, but to all of them. Yourself included.

“It’s alright, Darling.” Jongho strokes a hand tenderly down your spine as his brothers all come to sit around the edges of his bed. “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s good to have you back.” Yunho nods once, quite firmly, at his younger brother. His voice is strained, and it’s not just from seeing you in such a fragile state yet again.

Jongho smiles faintly. “It’s good to be back.”

Desperately, your hands cling to the front of his shirt.

“I should have listened to you,” you’re babbling at this point, but you don’t care. “I didn’t think-“ a sharp, stuttering inhale, “you almost died because of me.”

“Hey, hey,” Jongho grabs you gently by your cheeks, pulling you away from him so you can meet your gaze. “Stop that right now. I know how worried you were about your sister. Do you not think I’ve experienced that same worry when you are threatened?” He rests his forehead against your own, staring deeply into you eyes. “It is not your fault.”

“But-“

“No ‘but’s!” He places a finger against your lips, soon beginning to wipe away the dried blood with the edge of his blanket. “I wanted to help you, to protect you, and I would gladly do it all over again in a heartbeat.”

You fall silent, fingers curling the slightest bit tighter against his shirt.

“I thought…” you squeeze your eyes shut.

A brief look is shared with his brothers around him, and his heart squeezes painfully as they divulge with him their memories of the final moments before, and shortly after, he succumbed to the spell.

Jongho’s grip tightens around your body, his voice low, “My Darling, you know I could never blame you for this.”

Your breath hitches in your throat once more.

“You are not at fault.” He breathes. “I sincerely apologize that I ever made you believe that you were.”

You shake your head, sniffling all the while.

“But I did, Darling.” He rests his chin on your shoulder. “I hurt you when you were in such a fragile state, and now you won’t stop blaming yourself for something that was completely out of your control. If anyone is to blame, it’s that fucking bitch.”

Low growls of agreement sound from around the bed.

Slowly, you begin to calm down, yet all you can do is nod your head.

“What-“ Jongho’s breath catches in his throat, “what happened while I was out?”

The whole time his brothers share with him their memories of the past thirty-three hours or so, Jongho sits on his bed completely still. You swear that he’s stopped breathing all together, his chest barely rising and falling as you continue to cling onto him for dear life.

The second you feel something wet land on your shoulder, you pull away to stare into his eyes.

Tears stream endlessly down his face, a look full of nothing but painful sorrow resting on his features.

“You-“ his voice trembles, and he can barely get the words out. “You fell.”

Again, you attempt to shake your head, “no-“

“You fell because of me.” Utter devastation suffocates his very soul, guilt beginning to rise and crush his heart from the inside out.

“It was a misunderstanding.” Your hands now rest on his shoulders as you sit in his lap, your legs resting on either side of him.

“My Darling, I am so sorry-“

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Your voice is firm as you cut him off.

“Neither do you.” He responds without a second of hesitation.

You fall silent for a moment, blinking shamefully as you avert your gaze. “Yes, I do.”

Finally, you turn to face the other seven males still in the room with you. Luckily, Jongho settles you between his legs, wrapping his arms around your waist and holding you to his chest for support.

Glancing upwards, you look around at the males before you.

“I apologize for what I said earlier.” Your voice trembles the slightest bit with the weight of your emotions. “I didn’t mean those words to come out the way they had, but they did. I shouldn’t have kept everything bottled up for so long inside. I should have told you, and I should have considered your own feelings towards the matter.”

“Baby,” San’s worried voice reaches your ears, his eyebrows drooping as he watches you avert your gaze to your hands.

“I should have been more honest with you all about how I was feeling.” Your thumbs begin to nervously rub over one another. “I never meant to hurt any of you.”

The males all share a brief look.

“We were all in the wrong.” Hongjoong says, words barely above a whisper. “We should have known you were barely holding it together all this time.”

“How can you know if I don’t tell you?” You exhale a low breath, allowing your eyes to flutter shut.

“Dearest,” Yeosang goes to reach out for you before stopping himself. Almost shamefully, he retracts his hand. “I apologize for what I said to you. It wasn’t the time, nor place to dump that on you, nor was it right of me to do so.”

“But you were right.” You spare a glance upwards to see Yeosang staring down at his own hands. “By avoiding reminders of her, I had inadvertently been avoiding all of you. That’s not fair to any of you, or what each of those spaces mean to us, and I apologize that it took me this long to realize that.”

“We weren’t lying to you when we said that we would get through this together,” Wooyoung cracks a small, hesitant smile in your direction.

Softly, you nod, wiping at your eyes all the while. “I was so focused on my own trauma, I neglected your own.”

“We all deal with things in different ways.” Mingi clears his throat, bringing a hand up to dry his tears.

“That’s no excuse for what I did.” You reply. “For what I said.”

“You were right, though.” Seonghwa swallows thickly. “If that was you, we would have done whatever it takes to get you back. Consequences be damned.”

Jongho squeezes your waist slightly, assuring you that his brother speaks nothing but the truth.

“Aren’t we all a great pair,” you chuckle teasingly. “Letting our emotions always control us.”

A snort is heard from Wooyoung. “Maybe not always.”

Even his brothers shoot him playfully incredulous looks.

“Only when it comes to each other,” Hongjoong sighs, somewhat wistfully as he finally stands back to his feet.

“If you start having doubts again, or anything of the sort, you tell us right away, Baby.” San meets your gaze, a somewhat firm look shining behind his eyes. “Okay?”

“The same goes for me with all of you,” you take the time to look around at all of them once more, seeing them smile softly at you in response.

“You do not have to suffer alone, Petal,” Yunho smiles assuringly in your direction. “Your worries do not burden us at all.”

You nod, shifting off of the bed with the help of Mingi and Seonghwa.

“I guess some habits are just that hard to break.” You sigh.

“Baby steps, My Love,” Hongjoong moves over to the door, a gentle smile tugging at his features as he looks back at you. “Baby steps.”

Wiping at your eyes a final time to ensure there’s no more evidence of your tears, you begin to exit Jongho’s room. You don’t even need to look their way to know that they all follow closely behind you.

Breaching the foyer, you see both Sudaem and Reina conversing softly on one of the front couches. Both spell books rest closed on the table before them. However, as soon as Sudaem senses you, she’s hopping up from the couch, he snakes shifting almost bashfully over her head.

Her gaze darts to Jongho just off to your left. “I’m glad to see you well again, King Jongho.”

Reina stands, a small quirk to her brow.

Without wasting another moment, you walk directly over to the two women and wrap them in your arms.

“Thank you.” Your voice is low, nothing but raw gratitude seeping from your tone. “For everything.”

Softly, you feel Sudaem rubbing your back while Reina pats you gently.

“I’m glad I could help.” Sudaem whispers, pulling away to stare deeply into your eyes. “If you ever need anything else, you know where to find me.”

“I appreciate that,” you smile, nodding as you step away to give them both some space. “Know that the sentiment is shared.”

“Anyways, I best be going now,” Sudaem shuffles slightly on her feet, reaching over to grab her spell book from the coffee table that rests beside her. “I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Wait, how will I be able to contact you for lessons?” Reina’s eyes widen ever so slightly, and you recognize that almost desperate look shining within anywhere.

The corner of your lips quirk upwards knowingly.

“If you ever need me, send word with Stella.” Sudaem smiles, and you watch as Reina nearly swoons.

“Okay,” she nods, quite enthusiastically.

“It was lovely meeting you!” Sudaem directs the comment towards your best friend as she waves goodbye, her snakes hissing happily.

“You, too!” Reina waves back as Sudaem walks over to the guys for the moment.

“Uh, would it be okay if one of you-“

“Already on it,” Yunho smiles lightly at the gorgon, teleporting her back to her own domain in an instant. In a blink, he’s returns, straightening out the front of his shirt slightly.

“So,” you wiggle your brow teasingly at Reina, “Sudaem, huh?”

“Shut up.” Reina grumbles, pushing you playfully.

“She’s sweet, isn’t she?” A knowing smirk tugs at your lips as you watch your best friend avert her gaze somewhat bashfully.

“So,” Reina clears her throat, composing herself a bit better for the moment, “introductions now, or later?”

You motion to the guys with your hand, letting them decide for themselves if they’d like to introduce each other to your best friend. Your void has long since been back up, so you take the time to brush against their minds now.

Immediately, they all brush back.

“I think introductions are a great idea,” Hongjoong says, a small quirk to his lips. “After all, you helped save our brother.”

She nods, a kind look resting on her features as they all incline their heads to her in thanks.

“Hang on a second,” you lift a hand once more in a halting motion as you look at Reina. “How did you know that Yeo was what he was when he dropped me off?”

“I’ve seen portraits,” she shrugs, “but I didn’t know their names. My gran was adamant about not,” she clears her throat, nose scrunching as she prepares to imitate her grandmother, “incurring the wrath of the Eight Kings by invoking their names.”

You can’t help it, an amused snort escapes you.

“So, I recognized him, but I didn’t know which one he was until you told me his name.” She explains, to which you nod your head. “I am very interested to learn which ones are which based off of what you told me.”

Just then, a loud mewl is heard from the hallway leading to your room. A loud gasp is escaping Reina’s lips as a black cat struts into the room, tail flicking back and forth eagerly in the air.

“Is that Kuroo?” Her lips part, an excited smile pulling at her features.

Softly, Kuroo weaves his way through all of your legs, brushing languidly against both yours and Mingi’s the longest. A moment later, and he’s trotting over to Reina who bends down to extend her hand out to him. Cautiously, he sniffs at her fingers before beginning to rub his face all over her.

Giggling, she begins to scratch at his head, Kuroo beginning to purr loudly all the while.

“Well, aren’t you just the handsomest man of the hour.” She coos, chuckling as Kuroo chirps back happily in response.

“Oh, no, don’t say that.” Wooyoung sighs, almost exasperatedly. “It’ll go straight to his already overinflated head.”

“But he’s so cute!” She coos, picking him up to hold him in her arms. “And fluffy!”

A content mewl greets all of you in response.

“Kuroo is Sammy two-point-oh.” You say, watching as understanding passes over Reina’s features. “Just less of a troublemaker.”

“Ah,” she nods, rocking him gently in her arms, “I see.”

Softly, she begins cooing at him once more, and you can just tell that he’s just loving every second of it.

“Okay, so,” you quirk a brow, “introductions?”

“Oh, wait,” Reina’s lip quirks mischievously in the corner, “can I guess?”

You snort out a laugh, gaze darting to the males beside you who shrug nonchalantly. “Be my guest.”

“Hang on, there’s actually one of you who I’ve been dying to know whom is who since she told me.” She admits, eyes scanning over all of them. “I know him,” she motions to Yeosang with her chin seeing as she holds onto Kuroo for the moment, “but which one of you is Yunho, the painter?”

Said male’s brows raise slightly in amusement, waving his hand to indicate that he is who she’s looking for.

“I would give you a thumbs up, but my hands are full,” she chuckles. “Either way, nice.” An approving nod is sent his way. “So far, you’re my favourite.”

The looks all several of his brothers send him in mild disbelief has a laugh falling from your lips.

“It was the portrait, wasn’t it?” You turn to look at Reina, a grin tugging at your features.

“Literally, why isn’t it hanging right there?” She shifts Kuroo over to her one arm, motioning to the central wall behind the front desk. “Guy paints what is presumably the most beautiful portrait of a gorgeous lady you’re all in love with, and you can’t even display it in your front foyer?”

Reina tuts, shaking her head teasingly.

“Don’t give them any ideas,” you whisper lowly.

Mingi tilts his head slightly in acknowledgment. “She does have a point.”

“See!” Reina replies, somewhat exasperatedly. “The cat dad understands!”

“Cat dad?” Mingi quirks a brow.

“Are you not Mingi? The one who got this little rascal for her?” Reina pats Kuroo lightly on the butt, receiving a small whine from the cat in response.

“I am.” He confirms. “How did you-“

“He rubbed against you the longest out of all of you,” she blinks, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. In the next moment, she pulls the cat away to brush her nose against his own, a teasing lilt to her voice, “besides his mommy.”

A hand comes up to muffle your laughter as you hear Kuroo complaining loudly. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s embarrassed. He jumps down from Reina’s hold quite quickly after that, strutting away back down the hallway and towards you room.

You walk over to Reina, flinging an arm around her shoulders as you lean on her teasingly for support.

“Okay, so,” you grin, “You technically know four of them.”

“That I do,” she hums, gaze briefly darting over to meet Jongho’s. She sends him a polite smile, noticing how he nods briefly back. “Let’s see, we’ve got the cook, the dancer, the tailor, and the one who should have told you he liked playing with knives sooner.”

At her words, Hongjoong’s eyebrow twitches.

“Ah-ha!” She points at him, a knowing smirk tugging at her lips. “So, you’re the one she got with the steak knife.”

A snort of laughter is heard from Wooyoung at this, and even Yeosang, San, and Mingi all have a hard time suppressing their chuckles.

“You’re lucky, then,” Reina continues, a devious look shining behind her eyes as he quirks a brow. Despite your attempts to stop her, she holds you off from covering her mouth. “Normally, she just threatens to stab you instead.”

“Reina,” your voice is a bit exasperated as you whine out her name.

Despite the fact that they all quirk their brows in some way, Wooyoung looks the most visibly eager to learn more.

“What else does she threaten to do to people?” He leans the slightest bit forward, excitement gleaming in his gaze. Though, he knows that he’s not the only one dying to know.

“Well, not so much actually threaten, but she has very vivid rants about certain people.” Reina hums knowingly. “My ex is one of them.”

“Yeah, well,” you turn to look at her. “He deserves to get his dick ripped off and shoved down his throat for what he did to you.”

“Case in point,” Reina chuckles knowingly, motioning to you beside her with her hand. “Though, I’d say that was one of your more tamer ones. Wouldn’t you?”

You shrug lightly, a slight hum escaping you.

“Anyways,” she turns her attention back to the three remaining males she’s yet to identify. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re the dancer,” she points at San, “he’s handsy,” she points to Wooyoung, “and you’re the ‘pretty boy’.”

Seonghwa’s eyes look as if they’re ready to fall out of his head for the second time that day as both Wooyoung and you burst out laughing.

“Oh, you were doing so well, too.” You pat her on the back.

Lowly, Seonghwa begins to grumble about being referred to as handsy once more, crossing his arms over his chest. A large pout tugs at his features all the while as his brothers all chuckle around him.

“It was one time!” He frowns.

“Oh, it was more than once,” the corner of your lips quirk upwards in a knowing grin. At the way his pout deepens, you’re quick to add, “I never said I didn’t like it.”

“Ew!” Reina slaps your arm teasingly. “There are children present!”

“Children?” Yeosang quirks an amused brow.

“Yeah,” Reina snorts. “Me!”

“Oh, please,” you roll your eyes. “Who was it that called me to drive her to the ER because she got her-“

A hand is slapped over your mouth quite suddenly, a nervous chuckle escaping her lips. Not even a moment later, her face is contorting in disgust as she pulls her hand away, wiping her palm on your sleeve, seeing as you licked her.

“You are gross.” She sticks her tongue out at you.

“You love it.” You playfully bat your eyelashes at her in response.

“Yeah, yeah,” teasingly, she gives you a light shove while rolling her eyes.

None of the males across from you can prevent the way loving smiles pull at their features as they watch you interact with you best friend. It seems as if the more time you spend with her, the more you relax. A fact of which they could not be happier about. Besides, you seem to be having fun.

“Anyways, you’re half right about Woo being handsy number two, though,” you motion to the aforementioned male with your chin.

“Hey!” He whines, a dramatic pout tugging at his features.

“You’re still in second place, Sunshine.” You grin fondly, mirth dancing behind your gaze as you meet his own.

“Oh, damn,” Reina says. “I really screwed up at the end there.”

“You were off by one each, if you rotated them to the left,” you pat her back assuringly.

“My bad,” she smiles somewhat nervously.

“At least you didn’t say Mingi was the cook,” San grins, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

“Hey!” Said male whines.

“To be fair, I thought he was handsy at first,” Reina shrugs.

Yunho immediately bursts out laughing, slapping Mingi on his back as the younger male begins to turn bright red.

“He definitely could be,” Hongjoong sighs, shaking his head somewhat fondly.

“If you think I’m bad with my fantasies…” Wooyoung trails off, immediately taking off down the hallway as the elder male begins to chase after him.

Reina laughs, looping her arm around your waist. “I can tell it’s never a dull moment with these guys.”

“You have no idea.” You smile lovingly at them, seeing the way Kuroo now chases after Wooyoung, too, with Mingi in tow.

“Well, now that that’s settled,” she turns her head to you, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Wanna give me a tour of the house?”

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Agatha all along spoilers

-

-

-

-

-

Okay okay sure

First off! I’ve seen people on Twitter already going mad but I think I need people to understand, this show was never targeted at a specific lesbian ending, yes! Very queer show and of course lots of Agathario but Rio is death, I always thought a kiss of death would happen because otherwise we’re being silly with ourselves it’s not queer baiting and it’s not helpful to be mad because marvel wont want to do things like this again if we start getting angry, the cast and crew were so proud of this and we should be too (we can vent a little and I plan too but I won’t tag actors or creators because I’m not weird)

But! I will say dying for Billy (technically I know she did because of Nicky because Billy got into her mind like a loser and a bitch and she wanted to redeem herself or whatever) is a bit strange I guess I get people saying ‘oh well of course lesbians get screwed over’ but you know for a marvel show to have actual canon lesbians who are kissing, yeah it’s scraping a barrel but if it’s received well I have no doubt they’ll do it again, I mean in the comics agatha gets resurrected and who’s to say that won’t happen? Anyway I’m ranting and yeah a little sad about the ending because it does feel like the killing eve ending but! Let’s get into the two episodes

Alice! My love, my baby I’m so sorry! Rio was right you died doing your job as a protection witch but it still hurts! I hope the afterlife is good to you and treats you well I love you 🥰

Jen! My beloved you did it! You got your powers back, I can’t believe agatha bound her that’s so funny and messed up! God agatha were you that low on cash???

“He’s an abomination” Damn right Rio get him!

Also the change in agatha a little about not wanting to see Rio when she died like yeah it’s a quick change but I think it’s Agatha putting her shields back up, she does want Rio back she definitely does but also it’s like ‘oh actually I’m putting my guard back up because I’m scared and you did something that hurt me’ (she is my scar!)

Rio being pissed off that agatha doesn’t want her and that she loves it when she’s like this unfortunately ladies this foreplay went a little too far and got ruined by a man (fucking typical) them basically flirting through their whole fight was great too

Also going back to episode 1 where Rio said ‘so take my power’ and Agatha replied ‘cute, but you know that would kill me’ BECAUSE SHE HAD TO KISS HER TO TAKE HER POWER! Did I get it right? Pretty sure I did so I declare that in their private moments agatha never kissed Rio but just started at her neck so not to accidentally kill herself during sex (dramatic lesbians)

Also in ep 4 when Agatha tries kissing Rio but then Rio stops her, I have a depressing feeling that Agatha was so upset at being reminded of what happened to her son she was willing to take the kiss of death I guess? Or maybe Rio can control stuff like that and kiss Agatha fine if she holds her power in but thinking she’s death I think it’s the first one

Rio cutting the road and stepping through I’m not gonna lie I was shocked! I gasped guys and I don’t do that often like obviously they knew was fake but I didn’t I love just thinking about Rio stepping in and out of the road but also where is the ‘road’? Is it just Agatha’s house? Have they been walking around in circles this whole time, god the citizens of westview may need to start looking for other places to live

The Salem era! I loved it (I do want more backstory but I think we’ll get some interviews explaining it so that’ll be fun) ‘born from scratch’ beautiful line Rio turning up I was like ‘oh daddy’s here to help with the birth’ then I quickly remembered she’s death and agatha begging not to take him and then I realised daddy isn’t here to stay for good reasons (like most dads)

Little Nicky was adorable! Such a cute kid and helping his mother trick witches? Putting him to work agatha, I like it! Start them early I say

Also they created the balled! So cute and heartbreaking since Agatha had to sing it all the time when killing these witches constantly being reminded of her son

Also her killing everyday then the one night she doesn’t rio takes their son??? God Rio give her a fucking day don’t you have like billions of other souls to take?? Just walk very slowly 🙄

Billy carrying the trauma of killing three (that’s right I count Sharon too!) witches because he created the road makes the ending worth it actually (not by much) because he has to suffer the consequences and deal with ghost agatha, get recked!

Rio and Agatha will definitely reunite (source: Me) Rio says she hates ghosts but only because she’s death and ghosts probably don’t want to move on, be a bit like trying to round up cats. HER AND AGATHA CAN FINALLY WALK TOGETHER FOR ALL ETERNITY

Anyway I have work in an hour and I’ve been up since 4 it’s now 6 and I’ve slept about 3 hours soooo if this is all ramblings I’ll try to add things later but yeah I loved the last two episodes yeah we could’ve gotten a bit more Agathario but I truly think they didn’t anticipate the overwhelming reception for them (Kathryn and Aubrey did though definitely)

I’m up for any discussion too I love talking about this stuff but works been hectic recently hence why I’m watching the episodes before work because after I’m just knackered but I’m off this weekend so I can reply properly to people

[roznnreads]

Chosen not Fated Chapter 1

Eris x Fem!Reader

Tags: marriage of convenience, rhysand slander, depression, suicidal ideation

Summary: Tired of a life in the shadow among the inner circle, Rhysand’s younger sister decides to take her life into her own hands and makes a desperate grab for power.

Chapter Summary: After the battle is won the depression hits

a/n: writing this instead of uni coursework

last part, next part

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Inner Circle keeps to themselves. They are a reclusive group that rarely allows new people into their lives, let alone into their hearts. 

But even within the Inner Circle I felt separate, They found companionship with each other. My Brother, Azriel, Cassian and Amern, They could rely on each other,  yet here I am sitting at the dinner table in silence eating my food, surrounded by the loud illyrians. My mate, although brought into the circle through me, was suited to them better than I ever was. 

The war was won, the humans were pushed back to their land and a barrier was created, keeping the faerie and human races separate forever. Treaties forged and signed, a promise for peace that should last centuries

I should be celebrating, I should be happy. I am empty. My soul has been torn in two. We were to be married after the War was won, we were waiting for peace, for a chance to breathe, to make our love a celebration of being alive, of seeing another day. If he was here I would have someone to talk to at dinner, to make it seem like I am just like them.

“Do you think the treaty will last?” said Amren piercing through the noise

“I hope so, If anything it will last through many human lives so they won’t have the same knowledge as they do now, for us anything is possible.” replied Rhysand

“So we are never going to be done with war,” I say quietly, my throat hurts from the crying. 

“We are immortal, war comes with the the price of life”, Rhys sighed “I can’t know what you are going through, but I am truly sorry, but there is nothing that can be done”

My chair scraped against the floor, I stood abruptly.

“Excuse me”, I state, leaving the dinner hall. I walk slowly out of the room with careful consideration, once out of sight of the circle I run down the hall, to my chambers.

The large room full of ornate furniture and sweeping bookshelves was situated high above the city of Velaris, a darling view. All I can see is memories of my love, from the books he had gifted me, to his side of the bed that was left unmade. 

I can’t bare to sleep in the bed without him, to smell him and know that he will never lie his head on the pillow and hold me as I fall asleep. 

I wish I could fly, to gasp the cool fresh air, to feel nothing around me. To get away from it all.I walk towards the balcony’s edge grasping the fence. If I jumped from the balcony right now I would not feel the air pick me up, only the hard ground would find me. Maybe that would be the better outcome, to join him.

No. 

If I am to join him it shall be by another's hand, just like he was. In battle would be nice, then for certain I could be with him in whatever afterlife awaits us, me. 

Perhaps we don’t have an afterlife, what would be another eternity, would it be like our lives now, maybe this is the afterlife, where one lives forever and to die in battle grants you a new one. 

I lie in our… my bed. I clutch the bedsheets that would hold him, they’ve gone cold from disuse. I can’t cry, I have no more tears left in me. 

I need a purpose, I need something to spend my days, a distraction. It would feel wrong to find a lover to occupy my days, knowing my one love is gone. Maybe a friend perhaps, to share thoughts and opinions, to visit - on occasion.

A friend. I need someone not of this court. Someone who cannot be bought out or manipulated by the circle, someone who could not be persuaded to report back to Rhysand about our dalliances, someone powerful. 

[damn-stark]

Chapter 26 Sweet Gojo

Chapter 26 of Sugar

A/N- ITS TIMEEEEE

Warning- Swearing, ANGST, FLUFF, talks of death, cigarettes, spoilers!!, SLOW BURN, heavy pining, NFSW, wrap it before you tap it, kind of rough sex, handjob, long chapter

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Takes place during- Chapter 211 of the manga

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*CHOSO���S P.O.V. A FEW MINUTES LATER*

It can’t be true, it still can’t be true.

The fight with Kenjaku has concluded and he came out victorious, leaving Choso alone to wallow in his denial and disappointment over his loss. And yet you still haven’t woken up, you still haven’t moved a muscle.

Your eyes are still partially open and that glimmer he always saw in your fire-kissed eyes is gone, leaving your eyes dull. Your chest hasn’t moved with the motions of your breath, and you haven’t reacted to anything, not even to call out for your daughter who he has yet to see. But he refuses to accept the cruel truth that would bring forth a bleak darkness within him.

“Y/N,” he keeps pleading and leans closer to your face. “It’s over. It’s all done. You have to wake up now.”

Your head lolls to the side and hangs off the edge of his arm. At first, he thought you were waking up, but you remain incredibly still and quiet, the only thing that moves is the worm-cursed spirit as it slithers off your neck and balls up on the ground, so he then gently cups your cheek and moves your head so he can look into your eyes.

“You’re okay,” he whispers as he brushes his thumb over your cheek. “I’ll just call your doctor friend and you’ll be okay.”

What would life be without you in it? He has Yuji, but he knows that he’ll be an adult soon, he’ll want to live his life, and what brother would he be to refuse him to live it? And it’s true he hasn’t given much thought to his future, but what little he does imagine of it you’re always there, shining like the bright sun. You’re always there with him and his brothers, you’re always there to make him laugh in ways he never knew he could, and you’re always there to give him hope. So life without you would be depressing, glum, and lonely.

Life without you would be like living without the sun, or oxygen itself. He needs you in it. So no you can’t be gone.

“Y/N,” he whispers and waits for a response. When he doesn’t get one he moves on.

“I’m just going to feel your heart, okay?” He asks first because he doesn’t want to startle you or make you uncomfortable.

However, when he brings his palm close to your chest, he suddenly stops and notices that his hand is trembling just a bit, and he’s feeling hesitant. In the back of his head, he knows that he won’t feel the lively rhythm of your heart. Even if a part of him is stubborn to the fact that you’re dead, his subconscious still overpowers him to spare him of the misery he’s about to feel.

But he can’t go on like this, he needs to reassure himself that you’re okay. Even if it's delusion he ignores the reality of this situation and presses his palm against your chest and waits with his breath in his throat.

A second goes by and he feels no thump. Yet he still holds onto hope.

A minute goes by and he refuses to accept that you’re gone, but tears well in his eyes and it starts getting hard to breathe.

Two minutes go by that seem to have been eternal and he can’t help the sob that escapes him as he finally grasps that his father took you away from him and left him without hope.

“Y/N,” he sobs shakily and feels his whole being completely shatter. “Please.”

First his brothers and now you.

“You…” he mewls as he presses his forehead against yours. “You said you’d take us home, remember? Last year, I remember. I remember you, your eyes. I held onto that…So please, we have to go home…”

You stay quiet and your eyes remain lifeless, so he cries again. But this time this sob robs him of his breath and hurts his entire chest.

“Please, please bring her back,” he pleads to whatever higher being that exists as he gently caresses your jaw. “Please come back…please.”

He presses you against him to keep you close and cries into your shoulder until he hears paws pattering on the ground followed by small but quick footsteps approaching him.

“Mommy,” he hears a breathless whisper and freezes for a moment not wanting to show your young daughter your body. But he also can’t shield you from her, so even if it aches him he pulls back and slowly reveals you to Satori; seeing at that moment the tiger-cursed spirit you mentioned, protectively standing in front of her with its eyes piercing in him.

“I’m sorry,” he immediately tries to make her understand as he ignores the protective guardian with her. “Your mother…” his voice quivers. “Your mother is gone.”

Satori whimpers, but refuses the truth and runs over to fall on her knees beside your body.

“Mommy,” she calls out shakily. “Mommy stop playing around.”

Choso slowly puts your body down to give your daughter space.

“Mommy?” She asks for your attention and lets the backgate to Satoru’s prison go to grab your arm and gently shake it in hopes that would make you react. “Mommy!”

Tears stream down her cheeks and she looks over at Choso with fear and pain in her eyes before she looks back at you and shakes you again. “Mommy,” she cries. “Get up. We have to go home and get Uncle Satoru out. Wake up!”

She sees that you keep still so she once again snaps her eyes over to him. “You have to help her,” she interjects helplessly. “You have to restart her heart.”

Choso exhales deeply and has to break her little heart with the truth. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Satori glares at him for a second before her anger falls, and she starts sobbing again before she drops her head on your chest and wraps her arms around your neck, making her guardian wrap its body around her to comfort her as she cries into your chest.

“Mommy,” he hears Satori mumble. “Please don’t leave me alone…”

——

*YOU*

“Y/N.”

It’s dark, but you don’t need to see to recognize that voice. It’s soft, soothing, and not strained.

Can it be?

You peel your eyes open and immediately gasp when you see him…a dream, a hallucination, or actual flesh and bones. Whatever your current state, you don’t give a damn, you’re over the moon and overwhelmed with tears.

“Suguru,” you mewl before you run over the sandy terrain and throw your arms around him to keep him from leaving.

“It’s me,” he whispers just to reassure you considering who’s been possessing his body. “It’s really me.”

But you don’t need it, even wherever you are his calming scent clings onto him. Even after a year of longing for him, you can recognize his gentle embrace that secures the back of your head as if he feared something would happen. You can recognize the sound of his soft breathing as if it were your own. You don’t need him to tell you it’s him, you knew the moment you heard him speak.

“I know,” you let him know. “I know.”

You laugh softly with tears streaming down your cheeks from all the relief, joy, and guilt that rushes through you.

“Suguru,” you whisper so softly and sweetly as if honey oozed with the name. It’s a way you often said it, but it never fails to make his heart skip a beat as he also felt comforted by such simplicity.

“I’m right here,” he doesn’t stop his comfort, “I’m right here my darling.”

Rather than feeling content by the fact that you’re finally hearing him call you that after not hearing it for a year, instead, your guilt begins to agonize you.

“I’m sorry,” you can’t keep in anymore. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hm?”

He pulls back and grabs your tear-stained face to look at you with confusion.

You look into his deep brown eyes, but you can’t look long because you feel shame looking at something that brings you so much joy when you’re so far from deserving it.

“I…couldn’t dispose of your body the proper way, I…couldn’t be a good friend or a good wife, and because of it, everything bad that happened happened because of me. I’m sorry, Suguru.”

Suguru scoffs and tilts your head up so you have no choice but to look into eyes that reflect a beautiful blue sky, and a blue glimmering ocean.

Perhaps you should have asked where you were before, now you’re starting to grow curious as well as upset because Suguru fails to even show a flicker of anger on his beautiful face.

“Don’t apologize for something that’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, y/n.”

He’s not agreeing with you, he’s being honest. If this was in your head he’d agree with you because that’s what you believe and because you want him to blame you.

“But it is,” you argue. “I should have burned your body, I should have given you a proper burial, but—”

“You couldn’t,” he cuts you off. “You went through a tough situation and you couldn’t do it, I understand. Everyone does.”

You shake your head, refusing to comprehend that. “No. It’s not okay. And if it was you, you would have done it, you would have buried me properly, but I…” you stammer and grab his wrists to look at him with a heartbroken look. “I couldn’t. I was weak.”

Suguru sighs and pulls you closer to drill into you what he feels and what he knows. “Stop. Stop doing that. You’re strong because you kept going, darling. You’re strong because even through it all you’re still fighting, and you’re raising our daughter. What ifs don’t matter because they don’t exist, do you understand?” He presses and narrows his eyes.

“I…”

“I don’t blame you. No one does,” he adds softly. “So stop beating yourself up, smile instead, I miss your smile.”

He misses it. As in currently?

So those bloody memories that flash through the back of your head are real? This isn’t some trick or some dream?

You’re dead and this…beautiful tropical paradise is the afterlife…

Oh, Satori…

Choso.

Yuki…

“Suguru,” you whisper breathlessly and get caught up in all you wanted to say.

“He would’ve gotten me one way or another it seems,” he continues to press so he can make you understand, even if it's just a bit. “So please stop…” he trails off and offers you a faint but charming smile. “For me. Do it for me.”

You can’t say he completely changed your mind, your guilt will probably linger for a long time, but you’ll try, for him.

“All right,” you agree.

Suguru grins and leans in to the point his lips graze over yours. “I missed you so much my darling.”

You flash a wobbly grin and show him how much you’ve longed and missed him with a deep and passionate kiss that Suguru doesn’t hesitate or question deepening as he pulls you closer to mesh his lips against yours and pump you with the most pleasurable euphoria. It’s like completing a puzzle that has been missing a single piece for the longest time.

You feel complete…and tingly…

So before you rip his clothes off you pull back, bringing with you a string of his saliva that connects between your lips.

“I…”

You cut him off before the string of saliva can break by pressing a gentle kiss on his bottom lip before you tease him by slowly sucking on his bottom lip. He then pulls back slightly but goes back in for a short open-mouth kiss to satisfy your desire for now.

“I missed you,” you murmur against his lips.

A grin tugs on his lips and you lean towards one of his palms to nuzzle your cheek against his soft touch, making Suguru smile in awe before he wraps one arm around you to hold you close as he kisses your cheek.

“Hey, when are you going to stop being so greedy with her, Geto?”

You lift your eyes to meet his gaze with surprise as you recognize that girly voice and speechlessly question if it’s really her, even if you knew it was. You’re just in disbelief and a bit overwhelmed.

Suguru catches that right away and assures you with a soft smile before he steps back, letting you come face to face with Nanako and Mimiko. Your girls.

“Mimiko, Nanako,” you whisper shakily as happy tears once again cloud your eyes.

“Y/N,” their voices quiver as their lips tremble, and their eyes fill with tears that they thought they could hold back, but at the mere sight of you broke down just like you.

“Oh,” you coo before you break into a sprint and meet each other halfway with a group embrace.

“Oh my, Bunnies,” you cry and hold them both tightly against you to remind yourself of the warmth of their embrace, and show them how much you’ve missed them.

They both then tighten their embrace, but rather than demonstrating their own bliss, they instead express their regret.

“We’re so sorry,” Mimiko cries. “We’re sorry.”

“We shouldn’t have hidden that Kenjaku was in Geto’s body,” Nanako says for her sister. “We should have told you. I’m sorry.”

You pull back immediately and hold their cheeks to press them just like Suguru had pressed you moments ago. “No, you guys thought you were doing the right thing. I just wish I could’ve paid more attention,” you share your own shame. “But don’t blame yourselves all right?”

You offer them a warm smile, and unlike you, they take in what you told them without a fight, so it brings forth a silence you want to fill by saying how much you wish you could’ve seen them grow up and become into the beautiful women they wanted to be. You want to tell them that they were brave and that you wanted them to grow bonds with the other sorcerers like you did with your friends. You want to tell them that there are still so many things left for them to see, but you failed them as a mother to guarantee that future.

However…you don’t want to burden them, or ruin such a peaceful moment, so you admire them for a lingering minute before the sight of your best friend steals your attention.

“Kento,” you call out quietly and take only a step away from the twins as he approaches you with a smile.

He’s smiling with so much happiness behind his eyes. There’s not even tension on his shoulders anymore, he looks relaxed. And it’s sad that only after death can he find peace, but you’re proud that he looks so much more relaxed. It’s a good look on him.

“Itadori said you died,” he breaks his silence.

You laugh softly and manage to not cry this time. “Did you cry for me?” You tease him.

Nanami scoffs. “Does anger count?”

You grin and skip over to him to throw your arms around him. “Yes!”

“You’re stupid by the way,” he doesn’t hold back from saying, making you pout and slide to one side to keep an arm slung around his shoulders—“you almost had him.”

You roll your eyes and groan. “Yeah, but the bastard snuck up on me and actually stabbed me in the back.” You huff.

“Y/N?”

You look over Nanami’s shoulder and stiffen when you see Haibara walking over.

“Haibara,” you greet breathlessly after you’re completely struck with shock. Even though you should’ve suspected it, this is the afterlife.

“Y/N!” He greets with more excitement.

You don’t let Nanami go to be able to pull him with you so he can be a part of your embrace with Haibara.

“It’s been so long!” You point out with glee and step back to show Nanami a playful smirk. “You won’t ever know peace now since we’re all together again.”

Haibara chuckles, and Nanami keeps an arm around you while the other one hangs around Haibara as he flashes you a prideful smirk. “Well, I will know it for a while. Hopefully.”

His eyes fall on you and his grin falls to a hopeful smile. “Don’t you feel it?” He asks.

You blink in confusion and part your lips to ask what he means but then the sound of a different voice interrupts you.

“Damn it!”

You slide your arms off your friends and turn to face the newcomer. And that's when you come to realize that much to your surprise you see Yuki.

“Tsukumo?” Nanako points out with just as much shock as you.

“Huh?” Said woman queries and snaps her head up. When she sees Nanako, her eyes then dart to everyone on the beach and lastly fall on you before she groans. “I am dead.”

You scoff and shoot her an annoyed look. “Hello to you too,” you remark.

Yuki shoots you a pointed look and quips. “What are you still doing here? Choso pulled the knife out of you, you can still live—no, you will live.”

Is that it then? Is that what Nanami was referring to?

Is that why you’ve been feeling like something has been tugging at your soul?

Since there's so much going on, and so many different emotions have overwhelmed you, you’ve brushed it aside, but now that you can organize your thoughts and feelings, you can no longer hide that pull trying to take you back to life.

However, right now as you look at Yuki a few feet away from you you ignore that pull to rush over to her and press her for details. “Yuki—”

“Don’t cry,” she abruptly cuts you off as she sees how red your eyes are, and how much they glisten as more tears fill them. “I mean I do want you to cry for me, but not right now. Right now,” she pronouncatates that word with aggression. “You go back and fight that fucking bastard. You and everyone else have to kill him. You have to kill him in my honor.”

How could she be so ignorant of your grief? She was your master, your most trusted friend. She was like a big sister. How can she tell you not to cry or grieve for her?

“You’re being mean and selfish.” You argue, making her roll her eyes and grab your arms to make herself known.

“You can grieve after, for however long you want, but when you get back, you kill him, or plan to. Whatever it is, just don’t let him get what he wants. Do you understand? I am leaving you with that last mission.”

You take in a deep breath to counter, but she’s right and you can’t fight that. So instead you bite your tongue and offer her a soft smile. “All right.”

Yuki lets out a deep sigh and this time she hugs you first. It’s usually you who initiates the embrace, but this time she’s the one who threw her arms around you first.

“You were a great student and even better friend,” she whispers and lets you hear the tear in her nonchalance. “Look out for Aoi, hm?”

No matter how much you try to fight it, your emotions get the better of you and tears come out. “I will,” you assure her. “I will master…I…you were special to me. I love you.”

Yuki laughs softly and holds the back of your head as she presses you against her. “I love you too. Now,” she grows quieter and pulls back. “You take care of that little girl. Don’t let her forget me.”

You laugh and shake your head. “Never,” you whisper.

“And…always keep your heart.” She says one last time, causing tears to well in her eyes.

And this time instead of holding back she lets them break out before she pulls you back and whispers in your ear. “Be happy. You deserve it.”

You clutch onto her and wish to hold onto her forever, or at least pull her back with you so you can always have someone to turn to when you’re facing problems only a mentor can help with. You don’t even want to think about the impossibility of her going back…but you have to face reality.

“Now I know you don’t want to waste what remains of your time here with me, so, my dear y/n this is goodbye for now,” she cuts the moment short and pulls away because she knew it’d be hard for you. “I’ll kill you twice if I see you here soon.”

You chuckle through your tears and let your gaze linger on her for a moment longer before you offer her one last smile and turn.

Only when you turn around you’re welcomed by the beautiful sight of Suguru and the twins smiling at a baby in his arms. Which only makes you fight against leaving to stay here forever.

You don’t want to leave them or your friends. You don’t want to go back and risk feeling loss again. You want to be at peace at this beach afterlife with Suguru, the twins, and…your baby, that’s who it is. The baby you never got to hold….

But…how can you leave Satori behind when you have a chance to go back to her? She doesn’t deserve to grow up an orphan because you want to be selfish and live in paradise. You can't let her grow up without you, at least not now or anytime soon, she still needs you…

Thus after a deep breath, you slowly walk over and join the twins, Suguru, and the baby. “Suguru?”

Said man turns around and you gasp as you see the baby in his arms with short but thick black hair like his, with eyes like yours—or the color you used to have before they changed. And a goofy little smile as his eyes brighten when he sees you.

“Kiyoshi,” he reveals the baby to be a boy. “That’s what the twins and I picked.”

You smile with tears prickling in your eyes, and touch your chest as you feel your heart ache with pure bliss. “Can…I hold him?” You ask as you meet Suguru’s gaze.

“Of course,” he scoffs and carefully hands you the little bundle.

“Oh,” you coo shakily. “Look at you. You look like your daddy. You’re so beautiful,” you fight your tears so he doesn’t see you cry and caress his chubby cheek, making the baby coo and reach his tiny little hand to grab your finger.

“It’s almost time,” you share hesitantly at him, Suguru, and the twins. “I’m not here to stay. I’m sorry,” your voice quivers as you look up.

Nanako and Mimiko then share a look before Mimiko cuts in for the both of them. “Good, if you have a chance, take it, and come back later.”

You don’t know whether to cry or smile over how mature and understanding she sounds.

Maybe both?

“If that’s what you want,” you whisper.

Nanako scoffs. “No, we want you here with us, but…it’s not your time yet, so.”

You smile at them and hide your tears when you give them one last tight embrace. And now since you can see a hue taking over everything you see, and feel a harder pull on your soul, you know time is desperate to take you back, so you turn to Suguru one more time and grin at him with a soft and adoring look.

“Y/N,” he whispers as he steps forward and caresses cheek.

“Hm?” You probe and nuzzle your cheek against his palm as you lift your baby and press him against your chest to feel his little heartbeat against your chest at least one time.

“You know that there’s nothing that can be done about what we have done,” he interjects, making you open your eyes but stay mere inches away from him.

“Yes, I know,” you let him know you understand.

Suguru sighs. “Then what’s wrong?” He asks, making your heart nervously skip a beat.

“What do you mean?” You feign a breathless laugh.

“You know what I mean. I told you to be happy. Why are you running away from that? I can’t go back. Unless…you regret what we did.”

You look at him as if he offended you. “No, I don’t. We fought for our cause, for our goal,” you clarify. “A goal that means nothing without you…” you trail off and a small smile tugs on his face.

“Then?” He presses and grabs your face. “What’s wrong?”

You let out a shaky sigh and glance down at the baby Kiyoshi falling asleep on your chest. “I've done bad things, things I don’t regret. But that’s why I don’t deserve good things. I don’t deserve a second chance. I don't.”

Suguru lets out a deep breath and an assuring smile tugs on his face making you grow a bit confused, but you don’t question him, you let him interject.

“You just feel remorse, that’s it. That’s the difference between you and me. That’s makes you worthy of good things.”

You laugh softly and look at him to shake your head. “You’re biased,” you retort.

He chuckles and nods. “Yeah, I am because I love you and because you are the love of my life.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat, and your smile softens as you look at him with awe.

“I’m sorry I never got to tell you when I was alive,” he says.

“You said it now that’s all that matters,” you assure him before you lean in to tease him. “Are you saying it because you're jealous?”

Suguru averts his gaze and shrugs. “Just a bit,” he tries to act cool. “But,” he says and looks back at you with a charming smile. “I'm saying it because I also mean it. That’s why I want you to be happy, baby. I want our daughter to see you be happy. You deserve a second chance.”

How could you argue with him now? With all these nice things he just said. With things that probably hurt him a little to say. Besides, you can’t really argue now after you were hit with that realization when you thought Choso died. You just needed a push and Suguru was that much-needed motivation.

“I understand,” you let him know before you grab his face with one hand and offer him a last smile as everything around you is beginning to fade away. A soft smile that he mirrors and that lets him know that you will always love him and no matter how much time passes you will never forget him or the life you shared.

“Here,” you whisper and hand back Kiyoshi. “Take care of him for me please.”

Suguru’s eyes fill with tears and he looks more sad than comforting now. “Tell Satori I love her, and I will always look out for her.”

You nod. “Of course, I’ll tell her.”

“I love you,” he reminds you softly. “I always will.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and lean down to press one kiss on Kiyoshi’s head. “I love you my little one.” You then tilt your head up and nuzzle your head on Suguru’s chest. “I love you,” you whisper and hold onto his warmth tightly.

He presses one last kiss on the top of your head and tightens his hold around you, letting you feel only the comfort of his strong arms wrapped around you and the softness of his hair draping over your shoulder until…there’s a cold breeze brushing over your face, stars painting the dark sky overhead, a weight on your chest, and hair…in your mouth.

You’re alive and as you lower your gaze you see Satori draped around you.

She’s okay, and so are you!

“Satori,” your voice sounds hoarse and quiet. “Your hair is in my mouth.”

The little girl shoots up and looks at you bewildered, so you quickly offer her a comforting smile before you sit up and groan as your body feels sore.

“Y/N,” you hear Choso murmur.

You look at your other side and see him with his eyes widened and watery as well.

You had an assumption that he didn’t die, but still seeing him in the flesh with a working heart actually makes you feel relieved. Before you felt comforted by the fact that he wasn’t killed, but you were so worried about him because the fight hadn’t ended. Now that it is, you can breathe properly again.

“Mommy!” Satori exclaims once her surprise passes and throws herself on you to pull you into an embrace. “I thought you left me. I was so scared.”

You cup the back of her head to secure her against you before you leave a small kiss on the side of her head. “I’m sorry, my little love. But I’m here now because Choso saved me,” you let her know. “I’m here.”

Satori lets out a deep shaky breath and pulls back, letting you caress her cheek.

“Never do that again,” she scolds you with tears streaming down her cheeks and a shaky pout.

You laugh softly. “I will try not to.”

Satori nods in comprehension with such an aching look in her eyes, as if she still couldn’t get past the shock that you were actually alive.

“Oh my girl,” you coo and wipe away her tears. “I’m okay. I’m here, breathing. We can go home together now. How does that sound?”

“Good,” she mumbles as she rubs her eyes. “I’m tired.”

“Hm. Yeah, I bet…let me just do one more thing,” you trail off and turn to look at Choso, but he’s already on his feet, so you quickly get up and face him with a soft and relieved smile.

When he meets your gaze though his breath hitches and he slowly parts his lips as if to say something, but he adds nothing.

“Are you okay?” You ask and avoid checking him out because he’s still shirtless, and still very much tempting.

Choso nods speechlessly and finally manages to study you carefully to make sure you’re real and not a dream his head is making up to be cruel to his heart.

“Good,” you whisper and step closer to wrap your arms around him and just let yourself have that last piece of reassurance.

He, however, doesn’t return the embrace at that instant, he’s stiff. For a moment he’s stiff and still in disbelief until he feels the beating of your heart against his own flesh and finally breathes. He’s finally able to breathe as he assures himself that you’re in fact here.

“Your heart’s beating,” he muses breathlessly and gently presses his palms on your arms before he slowly wraps his arms around you and tightens his embrace as if afraid you’d somehow disappear.

“Yeah,” you laugh softly. “I hope so.”

Choso chuckles and digs his head in the crook of your neck, catching you off guard but not making you dislike it. You relish in the feeling of his lips against your skin, and the feeling of his arms holding you tightly against him in such a way that makes you feel safe and only his.

“You’re okay,” you whisper and can’t help but find comfort in the crook of his neck. “You scared me. I thought you died.”

Choso’s hold falters and you hear a soft gasp before you feel his lips turn to a smile. “I’m sorry,” he of course says.

“No,” you correct him. “Don’t apologize, I’m just saying. I’m happy you’re not.”

You pull back but keep your hands on his biceps, and fight the need to look down at his toned chest only inches away from you.

However, you fill your temptation by glancing at his lips. Which isn’t a good alternative because more than ever before you just want to kiss him.

“We’ll get you to your friend so she can check on you, make sure you’re okay. Or just heal you just in case,” Choso interjects while his own eyes flicker down to your lips.

“Choso,” you try to argue. “I'm okay. I'm healing now.”

He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “But you’re weak right now, you won’t get back to your full strength anytime soon. And what Kenjaku did was heavy on your body. You died, y/n. I’ll feel better if she helps you too.”

Your heart begins to race and his concern makes your face red and only feel a heightened need to just kiss him. But you don’t, you just give in since he actually might be right. “Fine, but why don’t we go home first? We need to eat, take a shower, change, and sleep. We can go in the afternoon.”

Choso parts his lips to argue, but you assure him. “And if I feel even one ounce of pain I’ll call her. Yes?”

He scoffs but nods in agreement, making you smile and rub his shoulders before you pull away and turn to face your daughter who’s watching you and Choso with a narrowed look.

“Can we go home now?” She sasses you.

You scoff softly and nod. “Yeah.”

“Yay, I’ll finally get to see Nanako and Mimiko.”

Damn it…

Fuck….

Now you have to go from one disaster to another. And it’s not like you can go on hiding the fact that her sisters are dead, you can’t let her go home expecting to see people that will never go home. Plus you can’t hide it anymore.

Oh, but the thought of telling her hurts you.

“Satori, listen to me,” you interject and walk over to her to crouch down to be at her level. “Baby I have something to tell you.”

Satori looks unfazed since she’s unaware. Which only makes this harder.

“Satori…” you pause and lick your lips before you have to go on. “Nanako, Mimiko, Uncle Kento, and Belinda…” you pause and swallow thickly. “They’re gone. They’re dead,” you outright say it so she doesn’t find some way around it, so she understands fully what you mean.

“But…” she whispers and blinks repeatedly in disbelief. “But…”

She looks around at the ground with her eyes quickly filling with tears, and you feel her body stiffen in your hold.

You wait for what she has to say before you comfort her since it seems she’s building up to it, but she stays quiet and keeps her head down.

“Satori,” you interject softly now and tilt your head down to look at her face. “Talk to me.”

Satori lifts her head and you fully see how distraught she looks now. She can’t even speak, her body shakes as she cries, so you immediately comfort her with an embrace.

“I know my love, I know.” You coo and caress the back of her head.

Yet she doesn’t hug you back, she stays in your embrace for a moment before she pulls back forcefully and looks at you with her eyebrows furrowed.

“Satori—”

“This is all your fault!” She cries out, catching you by surprise. “First…first Daddy, and now all of them. This is all your fault! I…I just want my daddy!”

Regardless of what she threw at you, you try to reach over for her, but she pushes you back and storms away, making her cursed spirit guardian follow after her, and leaving you in complete disarray.

“Y/N,” Choso inputs right away.

You try your best not to break into tears and defend Satori whilst also reassuring yourself. “She’s just processing.”

Choso steps towards you and reaches over to grab your shoulder. “That’s right,” he assures you softly. “She didn’t mean it.”

Your bottom lip trembles as you nod in comprehension. “I know.”

Choso holds your gaze and repeats himself. “She didn’t mean it.”

You slip and have to question him. “And what if it is? What if she’s right?”

“But it’s not, you couldn’t have stopped anything that happened. It’s like you said she’s just…trying to understand what’s happening. It’s not your fault,” he insists.

You hold your hands together as you have a hard time believing him, so he doesn’t go on this time, he gets close and whispers. “Can I hug you?”

You nod and he carefully wraps you in an embrace that you melt into as if it’s something he always gave you.

“Choso,” you whisper shakily.

Choso’s hold falters at the way you utter his name, but he doesn’t let go, he keeps you in his embrace until you pull back. “Thank you, Choso. I just need a minute now, I don't want her to see me cry. I don’t want her to feel bad. We can go then, I'm sorry.”

Choso shakes his head and is, of course, understanding. “That’s fine.”

He steps back, and you stay where you are and watch him walk away before you quietly cry into your hand to let it all out before you have to go back to Satori.

You know she didn’t mean it—or she partially meant it but, you still don’t want her to feel bad for expressing her grief, so you just shed a few more tears before you wipe your face and take a deep breath.

In that moment your worm-cursed spirit crawls over to you, so in your wait for your face to clear up from all your tears, you pick it up and sigh. “I wish Suguru was here,” you have to share even if it’s to a cursed spirit. “He’d know what to say to her.”

The Worm crawls on your arm and hangs itself over your shoulders, leaving you to look at the stars in the sky and just take a few more minutes to yourself before you think you’re good enough to rejoin your daughter.

And when you do find her you notice Choso talking to her, so as to be a little nosy and not make them stop mid conversation you just get close enough to hear.

“…I don’t have many memories with them but I cherish the happy ones we made. Don’t you have happy memories with the people you lost?”

He’s talking about his brothers…

“Yes,” she mumbles. “A lot.”

A faint smile tugs on his lips and he looks over at her as she looks down at the ground. “Then cherish those,” he tells her. “Whenever you miss them you think of those memories.”

“But I want them here,” she argues as she holds onto the prison realm's backgate close to her chest. “I don’t want them in my head.”

Choso sighs. “They’re always with you. Not physically, but they are always with you. In your heart.”

Satori lifts her head and wipes her eyes. “I’m sorry for being mean to you,” she says, making him blink in surprise. “You’re nice.”

You smile in awe and choose to come out of hiding now.

“That’s fine, Satori,” he assures her, bringing a smile to her face before they both see you now.

“Mother,” Satori whispers with a long frown on her face before she runs over and hugs you. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean it.”

You crouch down and grab her shoulders. “I know, baby. You’re just sad, it’s normal.”

Satori's eyes glimmer with unshed tears as she fights so hard to hold them back. “You won’t leave me now will you?” She asks. “I don’t want to be alone.”

You scoff and shake your head. “I’ll fight so hard for you, okay? There’s still battles we have to fight but I will fight so hard to stay with you. Okay?”

Satori exhales shakily and nods softly. “Okay.”

You offer her a sweet smile and hold her cheeks to share something that will make her happy. “I saw your dad when I was…dead.” You laugh, and her attention gets piqued.

“He told me to tell you that loves you, and that he will always look out for you,” you finish sharing.

Satori smiles while happy tears also roll down her cheek, making you comfort her with a hug and sweet praise of your own. “You did good today Satori. Your father would be so proud. I know I am.”

“You did good to Mama,” she redirects sweetly, making you grin at her before you smirk mischievously.

“I want to show you something before we leave,” you change the subject. “It’s close by, it won’t take long.”

Before she can answer, you get up and grab her hand to rush over to the tree by the pond you would train close to, where you’d hang out at with Suguru and the others. Your special tree that is forever marked with the love Suguru and you shared.

You’ve told Satori about it a couple of times, but she doesn’t seem to recall, or probably care like you do.

“Look at that,” you exclaim happily as if you aren’t exhausted.

“A tree?” She sasses you.

You reach the tree and brush your hand over the engraved heart holding the initials of Suguru and you. “A tree your dad and I marked when we started dating.”

Satori hears the context and finally shows interest.

“Now that we have you, your initial can go on there too,” you let her know, causing her eyes to widen and her lips to tug to a grin.

“I wanna do it! I wanna do it!” She jumps up and down before she runs over to finally look at the carved memory.

“Go ahead,” you encourage her and make the Worm-cursed spirit turn small to put it away and pick Satori up so she can reach the markings. “Just your first initial.”

Satori shoves the backgate in your other hand to be able to use her cursed energy to summon a dagger to use to sloppily carve her initial under yours and Suguru’s.

“After we made this your Uncle Kento and Shoko caught us kissing,” you tell her as she concentrates. “We were so scared that they’d tell Satoru, but,” you muse as you think back to that day. “They kept it a secret.”

“Done,” she ignores you and looks at you proudly. “Now do I put Nanako and Mimiko’s initials too?” She queries.

You swallow back your sorrow and nod. “Of course.”

Satori grins and goes back to doing as she said, making you watch in an emotional silence as you fight hard through to not cry.

Once she’s done all you can think about is that 11 years ago you never expected to have this life, or share children with Suguru. You wanted forever, but you were young too, you knew sometimes things didn’t work out. But after you’ve shared half of your lifetime with him you wouldn't want it any other way, he’s gone and so are the twins, but you’re happy—no, honored, to have had this life with him and shared three amazing daughters with him.

“Now it’s complete,” you tell Satori as you brush the access bark off the tree.

Satori lets you carry her and lays her head on your shoulder whilst she wraps her arm around your neck.

“Now that will show what your love gave you…me,” Satori says, making you laugh.

“Yeah,” you agree and leave a kiss on the side of her head before you turn away from the tree. “Now, why don’t we go home?”

“Yes please.”

You share a breathless laugh before you descend the hill and find Choso patiently waiting for you.

“Sorry,” you interject. “Just needed to do one last thing. But we can go home now.”

Albeit when you get home. When you’re in front of that door you hesitate to even grab the doorknob because you know Nanako and Mimiko won’t be there to greet you. Nor will Belinda. You’ll walk into an empty house with only the memory of them haunting every corridor.

But you can’t stay out here forever, nor can you make Satori and Choso wait, so you push your grief aside with a deep breath and grab the doorknob to open the door and walk into your estranged house.

——

*LATER THAT DAY*

“I’m going to tell you the truth…you healed fine.”

You roll your eyes at Shoko, and even if you weren’t very concerned you finally manage to drop your shoulders to ease up.

“You are in no shape to fight though,” she adds as she slips her gloves off her hands. “Take it easy for a couple of days until your cursed technique is fully recovered, or,” she scoffs. “You’ll die this time.” She throws the used gloves at your head and you rub your head as if it hurt.

“Well,” you mess around. “I did die. I actually died that time. In Shibuya it was different, there was a four-minute window and I used that to focus on healing, this time…” you pause and sigh deeply. “My heart stopped, I saw the light,” you laugh breathlessly. “I saw him.”

Shoko stops walking and looks at you with slight curiosity.

“I saw Haibara and Nanami too.” You smile in admiration. “I didn’t talk with them for too long, but It was nice seeing them again. I miss them.”

Shoko leans back against the counter and whispers. “Yeah me too.”

You drop your head and shamefully admit a truth that’s been stuck in the back of your head since you came back from the dead. “I was at peace, you know…even if I knew my daughter was here all alone, for a single moment, a lingering moment I wished I could stay dead to be with all of them without having to be here.”

A moment of silence passes as Shoko ponders your confession before she queries. “What changed your mind?”

“Satori,” you put it simply. “I didn’t want to leave her an orphan. If she wasn’t here I wouldn't have let myself come back.”

“No?”

You swallow thickly and shake your head. “No.”

“Well,” Shoko breathes in and walks over to the gurney you’re on. “I’m thankful for her then.”

You look over at her and smile. “It’s not that I didn’t want to come back to you, I just—”

“Don’t worry, wouldn't anyone choose peace over suffering?” She cuts you off to assure you. “Especially in a time like now.”

You look at your hands with a pitiful frown after having to admit that and having to hear her response. Which you have to say you admire her for, after such a hard life, after you were estranged, she’s still understanding.

“Whatever the case,” she adds and lifts her head to peer over at you. “I’m glad you chose to come back to the living.”

You beam at her and can't help but throw your arms around her neck and rest your head on her shoulder, letting her lay her head on your head.

“How have you been Shoko? After all that’s happened here?” You have to ask her.

“Well,” she scoffs. “Besides starting to smoke like a pack a day…”

Is she being sarcastic?

You hope that she is.

“…the work is a bit heavier with all these students fighting, but it’s been…quiet without Satoru. I mean I’ve been seeing Utahime a lot more, but I would see Satoru a lot more often, so…I miss him.”

You laugh and she joins you with a quieter laugh.

“And when he’s here we’re going to wish there was some way to shut him up,” you comment with a smirk.

“Yeah,” she sighs and lifts her arm to hold your arm. “I mean what will he say about you and the Cursed womb?”

“Choso,” you correct her without thinking and only then realize what she's trying to hint at. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s my friend.”

Shoko peers back with a side eye and parts her lips to retort, but you pull away and slide off the gurney. “Who’s apartment complex is this anyway?” You try to avoid her insinuation that she’s of course right about. She wouldn’t be your best friend if she wasn’t. “It’s huge.”

“Y/N,” she presses sharply.

You walk to the door and peek back with a smirk before you walk out of her temporary office, making her follow after you to try and get the gossip. Which she’s gotten a portion of in your talks on the phone, but she's good either way, she sees the tension you hide beneath the surface.

“You’re 28 now you know that? He can’t say anything,” she tries to persuade you to just give into what your heart wants. “And he practically confessed.”

“Practically and actually is not the same thing,” you remark and pick up your pace, but she only picks up hers to fall beside you. “Careful you’ll cough up a lung if you run any faster.” You taunt her.

Shoko rolls her eyes and counters. “We’re in the same situation. You have a pack in your coat pocket.”

You drift your gaze to her but you can’t argue with that.

“Kira!” You exclaim as you see them helping Satori with some arts and crafts project.

“You can’t ignore me,” Shoko throws at you. “And you won’t avoid him either.”

You spare her a glance and smirk. “Who?” You joke.

“Cute.”

“I know.”

“Master!” Kira exclaims and steals your attention.

“Kira!” You laugh with joy before you jog over and meet them halfway where they greet you by jumping on you to trap you in an embrace.

“You’re alive!” They say with an excited laugh.

You put them down and argue. “I told you I was alive.”

They scoff. “Yeah, and I didn’t believe it until now. You could’ve been part of the undead, or worse you could’ve come back with stitches on your forehead.”

You gasp in horror. “That would’ve been worse than death. Good thing it’s me.”

Kirara grins. “Yeah, good thing.”

You glance around for the person they’re usually stuck to the hip with. “Where’s Kinji? I thought he’d be here?”

Kirara sighs. “He’s out with Panda. Everyone probably won't come back until later.”

You pout. You really wanted to meet all the new sorcerers that joined the students' side. Especially the cute lawyer Shoko mentioned.

“Oh yeah, Shoko mentioned Itadori, Fushiguro, and that angel person were out…well,” you groan. “I guess I’ll meet everyone tomorrow.”

For now, you’ll just fill in the people that are here about what happened earlier

When they all gather up that is.

“Shouldn’t you be home, master? Resting?” They worry about you.

You head toward the living room with Kirara trailing at your side. “As long as I give my technique and my body a break I’ll be fine. Besides, there's so much to do. Oh and,” you clap your hands. “After I have given my body a break I would like to train with you and Kin. I don’t know when we’ll fight Kenjaku again, but I’m certain it’ll be soon after we get Satoru out. And I know you guys are strong, but still, the more prepared you are the better.”

Kirara's eyes brighten. “Right on!” They exclaim and hook their arm around yours. “I like the sound of that. And I know Kin won’t mind.”

You offer them a relieved smile, but that only lasts for a moment because you then catch Choso on the couch hunched over with his head down.

“He’s been like that since I got here,” Kirara whispers in your ear.

“Choso,” you call out and walk away from Kirara's grasp to approach him with growing concern. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Choso lifts his head and you notice how distraught he looks now since the last time you saw him, which wasn’t long ago. And yeah, ever since you left the school at night you noticed that his relief for you coming back to life slowly began to fade to anger and despair. In the morning he looked even more down, but he brushed you off when you tried to ask him.

You won’t let him do that now.

“You can tell me,” you try to assure him before you sit closely by his side.

“It’s just…how could I let Noritoshi Kamo live?” He finally shares with tears prickling in the corner of his eyes. “After what he did to you, after we had him there in our grasp, how could I let him go? I let my brothers down, I was too weak.”

You sigh deeply and gently rest your hand on his back to rub it for comfort. “Choso, you can't beat yourself up. It wasn’t just you who lost, I did too. The blame goes to the both of us. And it’s not like we have the experience he does, he has centuries of experience over us. He outsmarted us and that’s okay.”

Choso shakes his head. “No, it isn’t. I promised my brothers I'd kill him. He killed you. I should’ve killed him.”

You offer him a gentle smile and lean closer towards him. “Cho, I’m alive. And you’re alive. You would have failed your brothers if you had died and let him live,” you admit, making him look at you with slight surprise—“but you didn’t. You’re here to live another day. You’re here to plan and fight another day.”

Choso sits up and even if you don't see him convinced he still offers you a soft smile to let you know what you said made him feel better.

“Y/N,” Kirara cuts in, making both Choso and you look over at them.

“Hm?” You probe.

They part their lips and quietly ask the question you dreaded answering, only because of the weight it adds to your aching heart. “What happened to Tsukumo?”

You and Choso share a knowing look before you look back at Kirara with a sorrowful frown. “Yuki gave her life fighting Kenjaku.”

Kirara falls quiet and shocked. After all, how could one of the strongest fall to the hands of Kenjaku?

But that’s it isn’t it? You all went to fight him blind, thinking that he didn’t have plans upon plans after all his years of living. He outsmarted all of you and Yuki died because of it, but it’s because of this fight, because of her sacrifice that you know more about how he fights and what technique he hides up his sleeve.

“I’m sorry,” Kirara directs at you with pity. “I know what she meant to you.”

You swallow thickly and manage a faint smile. “Thank you, Kira.”

They offer you a soft nod before they choose to stay in the living room and sit close by you as if trying to keep an eye out on you and the man next to you.

“Y/N, what did your friend say? Is your heart fine?” Choso finally gets to check on you after nagging you all morning about coming to see her earlier before you what? Just dropped dead or disintegrated?

“She’s fine,” Shoko interjects, making you slide your hand off Choso’s back so she won’t tease you about it.

“I hear I have you to thank for that.” She smiles. “Thank you for saving my dearest friend.”

Choso smiles at you and then directs it at her. “Of course. Always.”

You avert her gaze and hide your face so she won’t somehow see your face getting all warm.

“Just make sure she doesn’t use her technique and takes it easy for a couple of days,” Shoko tells him, and will only make him more overbearing.

“I'm not a child,” you remark and face her with a pointed look.

“No, but you sometimes act like it and you won’t listen to me.”

You part your lips but you can’t argue because it’s true.

“Well, I wasn’t planning on doing anything. I’m planning to hang out at home and be with my animals,” you argue as if that won you any points. “So.”

“So, you still like to train with your kids.”

“She did just say she wanted to train,” Kirara sells you out.

“Ha,” you feign a dry laugh and snap your eyes over to them to shoot them a glare before you shake your head at Shoko. “Not soon of course. After we get Satoru out.”

“Hm,” Shoko hums with her lips pursed.

You mirror her look and hum back. Soon thereafter nevertheless finally the other sorcerers that are here finally join you to hear the intel.

“Kusakabe!” You greet him with a charming smile.

Said man greets you with a frown and an annoyed look.

“Whatever you have to say Gojo, say it.”

You begin to tease him cheekily. “So bitter. Whatever for? I’ve only been nice to you.”

Unbeknownst to you Choso sits up straighter and narrows his gaze as watches your interaction with your fellow sorcerer.

“You know what for,” Kusakabe quips.

You huff lightheartedly and nod in comprehension. “Well then…” you drag out and sit back. “Did you guys know I’m the interim clan leader for the Gojo clan?” You don’t dive in just yet for the fun of it. “My brother changed his will to leave my daughter as his successor for all the Gojo riches and the title of leader. And since she’s too young to lead, it falls to me for the time being.” You show off proudly.

“What does that have to do with us?” Kusakabe immediately remarks.

You shrug. “Just wanted to share it. And say I might go terrorize my family before we let Satoru out. Might give my father an aneurysm or simply sit in the throne room.”

“You have a throne room?!” Kirara quickly asks.

You smirk. “Oh yeah.”

It’s not extravagant like a royal throne room, but it does have a special seat at the end of the room dedicated for the clan leader to sit on, so you call it a throne room.

“Just get on with it, Gojo. We don’t have all day,” Kusakabe cuts in annoyed.

You laugh softly and nod. “All right. All right. Let’s start.”

——

*LATER*

“….he flew over the canal and saw three beautiful swans. As he landed, the ugly duckling saw himself in the water. He was not an ugly duckling at all. He was a beautiful white swan! “Come with us.” Said the other swans…And he did...the end.”

“That’s my favorite story,” Satori mumbles tiredly.

You close the book and smile. “So was last night's story.”

Satori laughs softly. “Well, I like almost all of them.”

You grin and reach in your pocket to pull out the glass swan figurine Choso had given you. “Look at that,” you show off to Satori. “A little swan.”

Satori gasps softly and lifts her head off her pillow. “Ah, that’s so cute! Can I have it?”

You snicker and shake your head. “No. It’s mine, Choso gave it to me. You can hold it though.”

Satori reaches over and takes the figurine from your hand to study it closer. “The color reminds me of your eyes.” She points out. “Hey, you know I made something for him because he saved me.”

You smile in awe and probe. “Really? What is it?”

“You have to wait to see it,” she teases you. “I was going to make him a purple scarf since he wears that neck thing, but I wouldn’t have enough time,” she rambles as she fiddles with the glass swan. “So instead I made him something else. Kira helped me. And I was going to give it to him when we got home today, but I got shy, so could you help me do it tomorrow?” She asks and looks up at you.

You tuck loose strands of hair in her braid and nod. “Yeah, I can. And that’s very nice of you, I’m sure he’ll love it.”

Satori smiles proudly and gives you back your glass swan. “Okay, well I’m tired now. Can we talk tomorrow?”

You giggle and nod. “Of course my little love. Did you say goodnight to your daddy and your sisters?”

“Of course!”

“Good,” you whisper and press a last kiss on her forehead before you get off her bed and turn off her lamp. “Goodnight, Chipmunk.”

Satori yawns and mutters. “Goodnight, Mommy. And you know if you get lonely you can come sleep in my room.”

You grab your chest in awe and whisper as you head out. “I will keep it in mind, thank you.”

When you walk out of the room her Tiger cursed-spirit jumps on the bed to sleep with her. Which is annoying, but whatever. You digress.

Now perhaps you can get some sleep. You hardly slept last night, you were in your head so much that it got hard to sleep with all your thinking, but tonight you will, you’ll get all 8 hours—

Wait…

You come across the staircase and see that the light from one of the patios is reflecting inside. You must’ve left it on earlier.

Shit. Now you have to walk down there in the dark…

You’ll make it fast.

You put the book you have in your hand down on a nearby table, and then run down the staircase. When you reach the hall you ignore looking at the shadows and solely focus on the porch.

Albeit just as you’re going to turn the light off you see that Choso is using it as he sits outside with his head down. Once again. So it must be about the same thing as before…

And if it is you can’t just let him dwell in it alone. He’s not the only one to blame. If there’s blame to even spread in the first place.

Regardless, you slowly slide the door open and make yourself known.

“Y/N,” he whispers when he sees you. “I’m sorry, does the light bother you?”

You laugh softly and close the door before you sit on the bench he’s on. “No. Of course not. I just thought I had left it on, but you’re here…with your head down. Are you okay?”

Choso sighs and hesitates burdening you, but he also couldn't talk to anyone else. Plus, he does confide in you, so he chooses to answer honestly. “I just can’t get over the battle.”

You exhale deeply and grab onto the edge of the seat to lean forward and look at him with the softest assuring look you can give him. “Is it about Yuki? Or your father?”

“I didn’t know Tsukumo long,” he says. “I feel bad that she died because of my father, but I’m more mad at him because he didn’t die, but it’s not about her. I’m sorry.”

You shake your head. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“She was nice,” he adds to defend his case. “I’m sure she would’ve been a good friend if she lived longer, but…she didn’t because of Noritoshi.”

You stay quiet and let him continue.

“I failed them y/n. My brothers,” his voice quivers. “I couldn’t kill him and I let him get away! That was our chance and I couldn’t stop him.”

“Choso,” you sigh with pity. “If you’re looking for blame then you need to blame me too.”

Choso blinks in disbelief and shakes his head. “But it’s not—”

“It is,” you cut him off to counter. “I’m a special grade and I’m strong, but he got away from me too. I was there too, Choso. You weren’t alone, you didn’t fight alone, I was there, and Yuki was there, his escape isn’t not your burden to carry alone. Not that it is a burden, he has a thousand years of experience on us. He outsmarted us, but you know what? You,” you point at his chest. “Got him to reveal a technique that he probably would have surprised us with after. We have that knowledge now because of you. We got the way to get my brother out, and yes we lost, but now we learn from our mistakes and do better.”

Choso sniffles and wipes away the stray tears that fell on his cheeks, whilst he also sits up as he gains a bit more confidence from what you’re saying.

“And I told you already,” you repeat yourself and reach your hand over to caress his back once again. “You didn’t fail your brothers. You would have failed them if you died, but you didn’t, you lived, you got them out of the warehouse, and you came back to Itadori. You made them proud. And I know you made Itadori happy to know you’re back.”

Choso swallows thickly and expresses some doubt. “You think so?”

You smile at him and nod. “I know it.”

Choso drops his shoulders with a deep breath and thinks about what you said in silence.

“We have to make Yuki’s sacrifice worth it by killing Kenjaku,” you add. “That’s what we do now against him.”

Choso drifts his eyes over to you and takes a second before he nods in agreement, making you flash him a wider smile. “Good.”

Choso hums and holds your gaze for a moment before he grows concerned. “You should be resting. Get some sleep.”

You slide your hand off his back and roll your eyes. “I have been. I have taken it easy. But you know after being away from home for so long leaves a lot of chores.”

He laughs softly. “Then sleep now.”

You glance at him before you look out at the lake in the distance, and frown. “I…I try, but…it’s quiet. At night it’s quiet now…I mean in general it was typically quiet at night, but now without the twins here…it’s deafening,” you confess shakily. “Before I had the knowledge in the back of my head that they were in their room, or out with friends, but now…their room will always be empty and quiet. And it hurts.”

A moment of silence passes with Choso not knowing what to say exactly, but that’s it, he couldn’t really say a thing. This sadness was something he wouldn't be able to cure. You felt grief and you’ll always feel it, he knew that. Even if he wasn't a father, he was a bother, so he knew that ache. So there’s only one thing to offer you.

“I’m sorry,” he says gently and carefully cups your hand resting on the bench, making you finally look over at him with glossy eyes.

“Thank you,” you whisper with a genuine grateful smile.

He didn’t say a lot but his words still meant a lot.

“Of course.” He says and keeps holding your eyes with such intense softness that triggers your heart to race, and the butterflies to flutter wildly.

It all makes you want to give in. After you thought he died, everything you once thought of changed, and the walls around your heart were shattered.

However, now doesn’t seem like the right time with him all sad and upset, and you sad and upset. So you bite your tongue and instead lean towards something else. “How are your wounds healing? You still have scrapes,” you point out as you lean over to grab his jaw with a touch so light it’s like a ghost touch.

“I…I’m fine,” he stammers as all he can focus on is your touch. “Nothing hurts anymore. The scars will take longer to heal, that's all.”

You hum and narrow your gaze on the scrapes you can see to make sure there’s nothing suspicious. “And that scar around your arm, is it temporary? Or?”

“It’s a part of my technique so it will stay,” he says and watches you pull away with discontent. He wishes he could feel your touch for just a bit longer.

“Ah, cool. I actually thought that was pretty cool,” you let him know with a smirk. “You surely surprised your father with it.”

Choso laughs softly. “He was being too smug.”

You chuckle and nod. “Yeah, he was. We put him in his place.”

“For a while anyway,” he contemplates.

“Hey!” You exclaim. “We did good even if we lost. You were great, I mean the way you used your brother's techniques was strategic and awesome.”

Choso turns shy but he manages to direct some compliments to you. “Your beasts were amazing. I was surprised, and Noritoshi surely shit his pants.”

You giggle. “Well, what can I say? I’m pretty awesome.”

Choso chuckles. “Yeah.”

Your face grows hot so thankfully he can’t see that.

“Anyway,” you interject after a few minutes of silence. “I should probably go and try to get some sleep.” You get up and he mirrors you. “You should too,” you snap before he can say something.

“I’ll try,” he says nonchalantly.

You smile as you head to the door. “And if anything, we meet in the library, have some tea, and watch the morning come from the inside because it’s cold out here.”

Choso scoffs and retorts. “I wouldn’t count on it. I won't be up with you this time, you need to sleep.”

“Pft!” You complain as you open the door and walk inside your warm house. “See, I knew it was a bad idea for Shoko to tell you anything.”

Choso closes the door behind him and leaves the hall dark as he turns the porch light off. “Your heart stopped, y/n,” he rebuttals your attempts to brush him off. “I felt it at a standstill. Of course, I’ll be worried. Even if it annoys you.”

You look at him over your shoulder and can't help but smile sweetly. And it’s because of his sweetness that you don't keep arguing, you walk up the stairs in a comfortable silence, and dread going into your room when you reach your door.

“Good night y/n,” he says sweetly. “Sleep all right?”

You grab your door and then look over at him with longing for more of his company, but you bite your tongue and just respond with the same thing. “Goodnight Choso.”

He offers you a smile and lets his gaze linger on you for a moment.

And it’s in that second that you notice that his smile widens as he holds your gaze for that lingering moment before he turns away. And once his back is turned you turn to walk in your lonely room. You step inside, but then come to a halt and think you know what? Screw it. You won’t suffer here alone. You can’t suffer alone. So you quickly walk out and call out to him before you lose him in his room. “Choso wait.”

Said man comes to an immediate halt and peers back with concern.

You part your lips and draw in a small breath before you exhale and actually give in. “Could you…stay with me until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone.”

Choso’s breath hitches in surprise, but his eyes seem to gleam with joy.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” you quickly let him know in his silence.

He then quickly shakes his head. “No, no, I do.” He assures you.

Howbeit when the door closes and you’re climbing in bed it’s quite awkward, only because he doesn’t want to pass any boundaries.

“It’s okay, Cho, you can lay with me.” You assure him and throw his side of the blanket open so he knows it's okay.

Albeit he still hesitates, and when he does move he does so slowly and very carefully, as if he was ready to jump if you changed your mind out of the blue.

It almost makes you want to laugh, but you don’t want to make him feel even worse, so you keep quiet and just show your amusement with a smile. Once he’s finally on his back, you throw the blanket over him and whisper ever so softly so he can relax. “Thank you.”

Choso nervously swallows thickly and slowly turns his head to look at you. “Of course.”

You keep your eyes on him for a lingering moment that helps to make him relax and drag himself further down the bed so he’s not so upright.

“Okay, now, goodnight,” you interject sweetly.

Choso watches you as you close your eyes and can’t help his awe-struck smile before he whispers, “Good night, y/n.”

Nevertheless, sleep doesn’t actually come quickly at all. Your thoughts aren’t a pest, but your eyes don’t get heavy, you just keep them closed and your mind is, like, at a standstill.

Not that Choso would know, he watched you, and occasionally scanned the room in case something was going to pop out, and then went back to watching you and completely forgot that you said only until you fell asleep.

He could watch you like this all night and not grow bored. He’d grow tired, but he’d keep himself awake to watch how gracefully your back rose and fell with each breath, especially after he almost lost you a day ago. He’d even come back the next night if that’s what you wanted.

He’d come back every night if it meant being near you. He just wants to be with you, protect you, hold you like he did last night, and be the one to wipe the tears off your cheeks every time you’re sad. He wants to be a reason you smile, he wants to help you accomplish every dream you have. He wants to be selfish and know you in an intimate way.

But you told him that you’re not worthy of him or what he has to offer, which is stupid. He wishes he could’ve had the balls to tell you that when you told him…

Wait…maybe he can now. Even if you’re asleep he’ll say it so you don’t feel pressured by his other confession.

“Tsukumo told me to just say it,” Choso startles you by breaking the silence. However you don’t open your eyes, you keep them closed and listen so he doesn’t hold back.

“…she said to rip the bandaid, but,” he sighs. “It's not easy, even after all I’ve told you because what I feel is strange. It’s new, and you make my heart feel so…full, so happy, excited, hopeful, and scared. But,” he quickly adds. “It’s only because I can’t fathom losing you…”

Damn, damn you’re going to cry. You’re going to reveal that you're awake. And he can’t know yet because it doesn’t seem like he’s done.

You have to stop yourself and hold in your tears.

Just hold them in.

“I almost lost you last night y/n, and I swear I almost went mad,” he whispers and the next thing you know you feel his fingertips graze over your cheek. And that only makes your pounding heart skip a beat.

“And when you came back, that relief, that joy I felt is something that I’ve never felt before,” he continues softly, making you swoon. “I have never felt anything like what I feel for you before, it’s strange, but I welcome it with open arms just to feel your warmth, just to continue seeing you. Because you are my hope, my sun, my moon, and my stars. Ever since that day I first saw you last year. You’re all I could think about, and you’re all I think about now. You and your big heart that only drives me crazier, and I don’t know why,” his voice quivers, “you’re so nice to me, or why you smile at me the way you do ever since that day? But even still I want to keep seeing it, I want you to keep stealing my breath away until I physically can’t breathe and my heart stops beating. That's what I want, that’s what I feel. I love you.”

If you hadn’t changed your mind before, you would have at this very moment. And if it was possible you would have some kind of heart attack or something over the sweet words he just whispered as he thought you were asleep.

Which! You’re so glad you had trouble sleeping or else you would have missed hearing him pour his heart out.

Now albeit how do you go about it? Do you just open your eyes? Kiss him? Open your eyes and confess that your world came to a complete stop when you thought he died, but when you saw him fight back it was like you were breathing for the first time.

Yes, you’ll—wait, no, your tears beat you to everything. You can’t even open your eyes before tears roll out and your smile slowly appears on your face.

Thus before Choso could react, you open your eyes and whisper the only thing that you can utter. “Choso.”

Said man’s face grows a deep crimson and he quickly pulls his hand off your cheek as he realizes you caught every word he just said.

“I…” you stammer between tears. “I love you too.”

Choso’s breath hitches and you see him grow stiff with disbelief.

“But…I…I’ve done horrible things, I’m not a good person,” you say as if it’s a warning. “I don’t deserve this.”

Choso scoffs and gently presses his hand on your cheek again, and this time he leans in closer. “I don’t care. I love you every which way. Besides, I've done bad things too. I’m not a good person either. I can’t judge you for it, I never will.”

You glance at his lips and have that urge to just feel the fireworks when you finally get a taste of his lips, but as you lean in you stop and bring something up that’s important to you. “And I have a daughter, she comes before everything, she’s my entire world. And I know there’s people out there who don’t like when their partners have kids from someone else, so if you’re that person tell me now I don’t want to waste my time on someone who’s going to turn on her later on.”

“No,” Choso says sharply. “I never would do that. Your daughter is precious to you, so she’s precious to me too. I will protect you both with my life.”

You meet his gaze and press him to reassure yourself. “You swear? Swear to me on your brother's lives, Choso. She’s a part of me, just as much as she’s a part of Suguru Geto. Do you understand?”

Choso nods and whispers against your lips. “I swear.”

You offer him a wobbly smile before you finally do it. You finally clash your lips on his and it’s more than you expected.

There’s fireworks, your heart dances, and your body burns with desire, but most importantly as you taste his soft and sweet lips for the first time it feels like you’re in heaven.

While Choso feels like he’s on an incredible life-changing high. It’s like he was pumped with adrenaline the moment he finally felt your lips, every part of him was on overdrive, he could even taste the colors, that’s how good and gratifying it felt kissing you. He never wants to get off this high, it’s worth the chase.

When you pull away he leans in for more, but you press your thumb on his lips and grin.

“Choso, honey, wait,” your voice oozed with the very thing you just called him. “Telling you that I love you is that okay? I don’t want you to feel pressured or you know, like you’re being forced.”

Choso chuckles softly. “I just told you I loved you. Is that too soon for you?”

You scoff and shake your head. “No.”

“Then,” he whispers against your lips. “There’s your answer.”

You grin and cup his jaw. “You know I never thought I would love someone again. But then I saw you that day in Shibuya and it felt like my heart came back to life. And when I got to know you, when I saw how big your heart was it’s like you brought the colors back to my black and white world.”

Tears slip down his cheeks and you feel how fast his heart is thumping even if you aren’t pressed against him.

“You make me ache in the best way possible, you make my heart happy, but also scared because I tend to lose what I love, so promise me you’ll fight for your life to stay by my side. Please,” you ask in a shaky voice.

Choso swallows thickly and nods softly. “I promise.”

You beam at him and lean in again. This time he’s not as reserved with his kiss, he deepens the kiss right away and grabs the back of your neck to tilt your head so you’re better molded together. He grabs your face as if forbidding you from pulling back, and before you know it he shoves his tongue in your mouth as if he has done this before.

You almost have to wonder if he has.

Regardless, it’s not like you do anything to stop his fever, you press yourself closer and tangle your fingers in his hair, causing his buns to loosen. And when he pulls back to catch his breath you whisper his name in such a seductive way that he quickly comes back and continues to devour you, causing you to finally moan his name in his mouth.

When he hears it slip past your lips he pulls back to look at you surprised like he wasn’t the cause of your reaction, and you just smirk before you pull yourself against him and feel a hard bulge press against your thigh, causing your blood to be pumped with feverish desire.

“Choso…I want you to make me yours,” you say between breaths. “Can you do that?”

“Hah,” he breathes out and clutches onto the back of your head before he answers by kissing you roughly and sliding his hand down to your back.

You pull on his hair and it falls over his shoulders, making you then slither your hands down his back. When you reach the waistband of his pajama pants you pull your face back and ask for permission. “Can I touch you?”

Choso licks his lips and you feel his tip twitch behind the warm material. “Please,” he says with his eyes meeting your darkened gaze.

And with that, you slowly slide your hand in his pants as he starts to litter kisses on your jaw. You then push your hand past his boxers and when you wrap your hand around his tip you already feel it leaking.

“Y/N,” he moans breathlessly against your neck and without waiting he rocks his hips forward, making your hand slide down his shaft, and causing him to shudder and hide his face in the crook of your neck. While you can’t help but clench at nothing at the mere feeling of his satisfaction.

But before he can finish himself off you slowly slide your hand up and only now manage to realize how girthy he is. He’s not long, but what he lacks in length he makes up for in girth.

It only honestly makes you impatient to feel him inside you, so before you can come undone with your clenching over the ghost of his touch, you start pumping his cock, making Choso part his lips and sink his teeth into your flesh.

“Choso,” you try to yelp but it comes out of breath so it’s more like a moan.

“Ah…d-damn!” He opens his mouth and grips onto your throat as his tip twitches before warm and thick cum oozes out and pools over your fist.

“Sorry, I’m…so…sorry.” He quickly sputters and meets your gaze with an endearing look.

“It’s okay, Cho,” you assure him as you slip your hand out and lick his salty cum off your hand, making his eyes widen and his cock grow hard once again.

“Now…” he pauses to swallow thickly. “You. I want you.”

You giggle and before you climb on him, or before he climbs on you, you get off the bed and rush to the door.

“Y/N?” He calls out.

Just to make sure no little goblin walks in later, you lock the door and walk back to let Choso see you. “Just locking the door,” you let him know before you run back to him and basically jump over him.

“Do you want me Choso?” You tease him, making him sit up and grab your waist.

“I need you,” he says softly and lovingly. “Please.”

You smile and press your forehead against his. “I’m all yours, now, tomorrow, and forever.”

Choso grins so sweetly and takes a moment to admire you before he leans in and dominates your lips again. This time his body is in tune with his eagerness because before you know it with what seems to be like ease, he tears your shirt off and leaves you exposed since you have no bra on.

It’s just too uncomfortable to sleep with.

“Choso,” you giggle, and without shame, he laughs with you before he pulls back and falls silent as he sees the shape of your breasts, and your nipples perked up.

“You,” he stammers and blinks repeatedly with disbelief before he meets your gaze, letting you see how his sun-kissed brown eyes gleam with awe. “Every part of you is beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”

Those are simple words, but it’s the way he says it that makes your already-soaked panties drown with your own desire for him.

“Now let me see you,” you coo and reach down to grab the hem of his shirt. He places his hand over yours and you pull his shirt off together. And even if you’ve already seen him shirtless, your breath still hitches, and a pulse starts throbbing in your core.

“Look at you,” you redirect sweetly, making his blush blaze. “You’re very beautiful. Like the last time. And you know,” you flick your tongue and lean in to talk against his lips. “When you were fighting, when you were on fire with courage and determination all I could think about was how sexy you were, how much I wanted you.”

“Hah,” he breathes out and presses the tip of his hard cock against your eager core.

“Will you fight for me like that?” You whisper up to his ear with your lips grazing against his flesh. “Will you be strong for me, Choso?”

“Always,” he says breathlessly.

You smirk and start to leave a trail of kisses on his neck up to his jaw, while you lift up a little bit to let him pull his pants and boxers off before he eagerly undresses you as if it’s something he’s done before.

“Just promise me something,” he manages to say between the trance you put him in. “You’ll live for me too. I can’t lose you. Not again.”

You slide your hands down to his chest and slither them back up to cup his jaw and assure him. “I will. As long you're alive there’s a reason to keep going.”

Choso can’t help his smile or the sloppy kiss he initiates. And you can’t wait anymore, you lift your hips once again and reach one hand down to grab his cock and line it up with your entrance, making him pull away from you and groan.

“I’m going to put in,” you let him know.

Choso nods and can’t help himself; he helps you by pushing up and penetrating his tip through your tight entrance. And since all you’ve felt is your own fingers for a while, the feeling of a thick cock entering you stings. And since he doesn’t stop as he lets his pleasure take control you kind of ache as he fills you up completely.

“Ch—choso,” you whine and throw your head back as that sting slowly turns to pleasure. “Oh…Choso.” You moan as you can now think about how this was a much more sensational feeling than his cock in your dreams.

And Choso…well he was taking time to collect himself as he got lost in the feeling of your warm gummy walls squeezing him and taking him so well. It’s like you were made for him.

“Y/N…” he trails off and whispers part of your name before he whines and drops the back of his head on the pillow.

“Choso, baby,” you break your silence. “I’m going…hm…I’m gonna start moving.”

“Mhmm,” he moans. “Please.”

You smirk and rock your hips slowly, making his nails dig into your hips and a hand slap over his eyes.

“Choso, honey, look at me,” you plead and rock your hips forward again.

Said man groans and you have to be the one to peel his hands off his face.

“Choso look at me, please,” you beg and lift up, causing his eyes to snap down to your weeping pussy, and he loses himself and gasps with awe.

“Beautiful, my love,” he mumbles, making your heart stop and your hips halt halfway over his cock.

“What?” You gasp with disbelief.

Choso’s eyes find yours and he sees how soft and bright they look, and smiles. “My love,” he whispers with adoration before he ruts his hips up to meet your core with his tip, making him and you see stars as your worlds collide.

“Say it again,” you command and lift your hips halfway up his cock. “Please.”

Choso sits up, letting you press your warm bodies against each other. “My love. That’s what you are to me. Is it wrong?”

You shake your head and push down, making him mouth your name as his eyes roll back.

“No,” you answer in his mouth. “I love it. I want you to say it again.” You let him know as you rock your hips. “And again.” You day and rock your hips again, making him slide his hand to your hips.

“If it…pleases you, I will say it always.” He says softly and thrusts up, pulling a chant of his name out of you that only triggers him to thrust in out of you with complete control even if you’re the one on top of him.

“Choso,” you moan in his mouth and he shuts you up by kissing you passionately while he thrusts in and out of you all the way, making you meet each thrust by rocking your hips.

He wants to keep kissing you until you cum, but he can’t help it, he’s lost in the stars by the feeling of your warm pussy swallowing him so damn good. He can’t help the whimpers and groans that come out of him whilst he also chants your name in your mouth.

“Choso,” you groan and press your forehead against his as his tip hits a heavenly place. “You…fuck…fill me…mhmm, so good.”

“Mine,” he sputters out as he drags his fat cock in and out of your warm and gummy walls that feel like heaven to him. “I…I…love…you.”

He ruts in deeper and faster, meeting each thrust with a delicious squelching noise as your wetness blankets his cock and spills out of your core, soaking him and you completely.

“Harder,” you cry and he listens obentientedly and without hesitation fucks you at a rougher pace, causing your headboard to hit the wall, and the mattress to creak.

“Choso,” you whine, and he groans and buries his face in the crook of your neck and moans into it as he keeps his brutal pace.

“So close,” he muffles in your neck.

You cry louder as he fucks you to a different dimension where all you feel is a bright sensational euphoria.

“Kiss,” he groans and throws his head back. “Please. My love.”

You whimper and throw your hands up into his hair and pull back as he brings you close to that delicious edge. And that feeling of your fingers tangling in his hair drives him overboard, a wave of ecstasy washes over him, and his hips stutter, and his tip twitches, but his thrusts are brutal in such an amazing way that drives your hands down to drag your nails up his back, making him groan while his knuckles turn white as he grips onto your hips and shoots up robes and robes of his hot seed deep into your pussy.

“Y/N! Ah…fuck…damn. Ah!” He cries and keeps thrusting up.

At the sound of his own pleasure and the feeling of his tip hitting your g-spot, you sob out your euphoria and cum over his cock.

“Choso,” you whisper breathlessly as he comes to a stop and drops his head on your shoulder.

When you stop spilling out you loosen your grip and caress his back with your nails, making him groan softly.

“That was amazing,” you praise him in his ear before you kiss the side of his head. “Want me to get off now? We can take a shower,” you coo.

Choso stays quiet for a moment before he lifts his head and presses a gentle kiss on your cheek. “You were incredible, my love.” He assures you and pecks your lips. “But,” he mumbles. “No. I want more of you. Please give me more.”

You pull back and look at him eagerly. “Are you sure?” You check in.

Choso caresses your face making you lean in his touch. “Yes, I’m more than sure,” he lets you know.

You giggle and lean in to take him in for an open mouth kiss while he grips onto your hips and pulls out to flip around. However, just as you were going to complain at the emptiness you realize he’s turning the wrong way.

“Choso wait—” you don’t finish your warning before you hit the ground with a loud and harsh thump.

“Oh damn,” Choso hisses.

“Ow,” you groan and reach for the back of your head.

“Y/N?! Are you okay?” He immediately grows concerned.

You open your eyes and look at him with quivering lips, and before he knows it you burst out laughing.

It takes him a moment to realize you’re not upset that he dropped you and joins you.

“Ow that did hurt,” you say between laughs.

Choso caresses your head and smiles. “I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

You snicker. “It’s okay. I get it.”

He calms down and looks into your eyes, making you go quiet and speak thousands of words in your lingering look before you start laughing again over nothing now.

“Hm,” he breathes out lightheartedly and drops his face in the crook of your neck, letting you gently caress his scalp with your nails.

“Mhm…I love you,” he muffles and kisses your neck, causing goosebumps to crawl down your spine, and a happy smile to spread on your lips.

“I love you too,” you coo and wrap your arms around his neck to keep him pressed against you.

Choso and you don’t move from the ground just yet, he keeps his face buried, and you keep thinking how happy you are that you took this leap and confessed and that you let yourself have this pleasure of being with Choso. Until you realize he didn’t wear a condom…which should worry you a lot more, but oh well!

You’re having too much fun and throughout the entire night, you're both too busy with each other to remember anything but wanting more of one another.

.

.

.

.

A/N: 🤭

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweirdorchest @natakina

[nvtstvrns]

𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝?

Part two

𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞: Matt and y/n go to a party together, y/n gets all dressed up specifically for Matt, when he catches her smoking weed he pulls her out of the party and plans on driving her home. She ended up arguing with him so he left her in the rain. She calls Chris who comes and picks her up. They end up hooking up in the car and y/n has to make a choice. Matt or Chris…

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Y/n goes back home and she faces Matt. She’s dressed in Chris’s hoodie but she has no panties on, it’s just his hoodie. Matt looks pissed and she wonders if she should apologize or not…or tell him she just hooked up with his brother…

𝐓𝐖: cheating, fighting, anxiety, mentions of depression

𝐀/𝐍: 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 of a series. Thanks for being here and make sure you read part one first

“I won’t make you make a decision right now y/n but you’re gonna have to chose between Matt and me one of these days.” Chris says to me still holding me on his lap. She nuzzles into his shoulder and hum.

“I don’t want to chose,” I say with a little pout in my voice. I pick at the little fuzzies on his shirt.

He reaches his hand to the back of the car pulling out a Fresh love hoodie. I looked at the tag. He had gotten me a 3x. He knows that my size is large.

“I had to get you this one, it was the last one that wasn’t a small and I didn’t want to get you one that wouldn’t fit you,” he says

“Thanks…” I take the hoodie from him and I put it on over my naked body. I reach over to find my panties. When I touch them I feel them soaked from the puddle I had sat in when waiting for him. My mind races. I don’t want to put them back on because they’re wet number one, and number two they’re uncomfortable. It’s a g-string thong because I was wearing a tight dress and I didn’t want people seeing the outline of my underwear. I think and then the idea of infections come across my mind—I’m just not gonna wear them.

“Chris…is it okay if I leave these off? They got all wet and I don’t want to get infections or anything…” I say holding my panties up.

“Yeah It’s fine, I don’t care,” he says “ready to go?”

I nod my head and lay back in my seat. He starts to drive. Matt was definitely a better driver than him, but I don’t care, at least I am safe and i’m not sleeping in the streets right now.

I curl up into the seat. The heated seat radiating warmth all around me, and the blanket around me was soft, softer than anything I’ve felt before. And the hoodie…I couldn’t get over the fact of how comfortable the Fresh Love hoodie is. I felt like a princess with Chris…

It felt different than what I felt in Matts car. Sure Matt made me feel like a princess, especially when he called me ‘his princess’ while his hand rested on my thigh, his fingers tracing circles on its I definitely loved it. How he makes me feel so seen and loved. But then again. It didn’t feel like love. It felt like lust. I was obsessed with him.

We don’t cuddle, we don’t have romantic moments together like making cookies or watching rom-coms on Netflix. We were always having sex, he was always fighting the urge to shove his hands down my pants and finger fuck me. He would bring me to his car and we would have a quickie.

I was thinking about everything, then it hit me. Matt doesn’t love me. Is Matt using me for my body?

I know that can’t be right. We have an established relationship…but has he ever told me he loved me? Not that I can remember…is this why he was so mad at me when I smoked that weed? He didn’t want anyone using me, that was his job.

“How much longer until we get home?” I ask still curled up in the passenger seat.

“Not long, like 5 more minutes,” he says. I sit up and put my visor down, I was about to put my hair up, but then I stop. It was messy, not the ‘wet’ hair messy but it looked like someone was playing with it, or pulling it. I looked hot…my lips were swollen and my cheeks were flushed. I put the visor back up and laid back.

I closed my eyes and after a minute I see Chris and his brothers house. I step out of the car and walk inside from the garage door. Nick was still up watching random movies. I waved to him weakly.

“Girl…I heard what Matt did, he’s insane,” he says while giggling in between words.

“So he’s home?” I ask. He nods and I go and sit on the couch next to Nick. Chris sits next to me on the other side.

“I need to ask you two a question.” I say biting my lip from nerves. I needed to talk about what I realized about Matt.

Nick pauses the tv and Chris looks at me.

“I think Matt’s using me…for my body…” I say slowly looking down at my lap.

Nick and Chris look at each other and then look at me.

“How so?” Chris asks me.

“He always wants to have sex but he never wants to cuddle or do cute things with me, and in public he always has his hands down my pants or something, I’ve never heard him say ‘I love you’ to me and it’s just weird,” I say looking between them.

“Yeah…it is kind of weird…” Nick says. “What made you think of this?”

“Let me talk to you in private Nick.” I say as I pull him away from Chris into a random room. “I may or may not have hooked up with Chris tonight and realized that it’s not Matt that I want…I want Chris.”

“That’s big…” Nick says as he scratches the back of his head,

“I knew you wanted me…” Chris says standing in the doorway.

Thanks for reading!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

A Guiding Hand 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, parental neglect, depression, inference of self harm, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: your online academics are affected by your personal struggles but your professor won’t let you give up so easy.

Characters: Raymond Smith, Lee Bodecker in the background

Note: I think my back is ok now.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Tuesday comes too quickly. You don’t sleep the night before. It’s more than just Lee and your mother arguing that keeps you awake. The anxiety of your meeting bears down on you like an open maw, ready to devour you.

You don’t expect it to go well. You’re not even sure why you’re doing it. 

That one thought repeats over and over. You don’t have to. You can cancel. You can make another excuse and stay a loser. That’s easy. Maybe that’s why it’s so scary. Because new things are hard. 

You languish in bed as the time ticks by. You got to get up and get moving. Soon, you’ll do something. Soon. 

You roil in the trepidation. Each move, each little thing, is a gargantuan task. You sneak out to wash your face and make yourself as presentable as you can. You waited too long. You have five minutes to put something on that isn’t wrinkled and stale. 

You put on a black sweatshirt, hoping the little balls of lint aren’t visible. Maybe you can get away with just turning the microphone on. You open the computer and shift in the chair. One minute. 

You find the email and scroll down to the link. You hover over it and stare. Noon on the dot. Your hand falters and you click the Zoom meeting. It opens in the browser and your breath traps in your chest.  

The little box in the corner is black as you leave the red line through the camera icon as the mic catches the rustle of your shirt. There’s a man on screen. He sits before an office backdrop but you can’t tell if its digitally generated or real. His blond hair is combed back and he sports a thick beard and glasses. He wears a wool sweater over a collared shirt and stares down the camera. 

“Hello,” he speaks, “anyone there?” 

You clear your throat and croak, nearly choking on your own spit.  

“Here,” you manage to squeak. 

“Ah, hello there, may I ask you turn your camera on?” His voice is low and lilted, almost smoky in a way. 

You hesitate and scratch your neck, letting your fingers wander up to your scalp. The itch spread, making sitting still unbearable. You wince as you hear someone in the kitchen, the fridge door closes heavily and a dish clinks on the counter. 

“Hello?” The voice comes again. 

You panic and hit the keyboard. You steady your hand and tap the camera, shying away as you slouch in your chair. The dim glow of your bedside lamp leaves you in shadow. Still, you feel exposed. 

“Better,” he says but with little enthusiasm, “well, I suppose we best get to the meat of things,” he adjusts his posture. 

“Okay,” you murmur and cross your arms, looking evasively at the wall. 

“Good to finally meet. I’m Professor Smith,” he introduces himself and calls you by name. 

“You too,” you utter out of courtesy. This is torture to you. 

“Now, you’ve done very well on your completed work,” his eyes scan as he looks at the screen before him, "you’ve shown improvement up until a few weeks ago. You do have a lot of potential to be successful here--” 

You nod and hunch down further. You just feel worse. You’re a lazy slob. You didn’t finish your work just like you never finish the laundry or cleaning your room. 

“Irene!” Lee’s voice booms on the other side of the wall and you wince, looking over your shoulder then back to the computer. You huddle closer, hoping he didn’t hear that. Your mother’s drone responds to the holler. 

“Perhaps it is the format? We could explore another option for your remaining assignments. I can accommodate where necessar--” 

“Fuck off!” Lee shouts and a loud bang hits the hallway wall. You gulp and your lips part. 

“Lee, please, I didn’t-- I wouldn’t--” 

“Should’ve known better than to trust a whore!” Lee barks. 

You cover your face and shrink down. No! Not now. 

“Is everything alright?” He asks and you separate your fingers, looking through them. You drop your hands and nod. 

“Sorry--” 

Another loud thump, this time against your door and your mother sobs loudly as she slides down the other side. You stammer and your lip trembles as you stare mortified at the lens in the frame of the laptop. This is awful. 

“What is happen--” 

You wiggle your fingers on the touchpad and hit End Call. You retract and wrap your arms around your head, folding over your lap as you rock. How humiliating. You can’t believe that happened. Well, you can. It’s what always happens. 

Your mother and Lee continue to argue, their fight just outside your door. You shake your head as you stay curled over. You don’t know why she does this. These men come around, call her names, knock her around, and she lets them come right back. 

A tinkling noise comes from the speaker. Professor Smith is calling you. You decline the call. An email chimes in at the corner. It’s from him as well. You see the preview, a response to his last email. 

‘Please respond or I will call authorities to confirm your saf....’ 

You click on the notification to expand the full message. You sigh and don’t bother reading the rest as you hit reply. 

‘Everything is fine. I will take the fail. Thank you.’ 

Another call comes in. Just leave me alone! You hit the red button again and delete his last email. And he calls again. Ugh. What does he care. You’re sure he has lots of students to worry about. Another email and another call. Back and forth until you accidentally hit the wrong key. 

He appears again, closer to the lens as his forehead lines, “hello, hey, hey,” he sits back, holding up a hand as you scramble, panicking as you fidget and try to figure out what to do, “don’t hang up, alright? Don’t, or I will be obligated to call the police.” 

As he commands you, your mother and Lee continue their sparring in the hall, voices raised though not as clear from the front room. You sniff and rub your cheek, soothing yourself as you bring up your other hand to chew on your sleeve. 

“Are you in danger?” He asked pointedly. You shake your head. “What is all that then?” 

He’s quiet and you are enveloped again in the chaos outside your room. You shrug and tilt your head to one side. You look down. 

“My mom...” 

He sighs, “look, I wouldn’t have taken the time to call if I didn’t think you could do this. Perhaps, this was the wrong avenue. So, is it possible we meet somewhere neutral. In person?” 

You shudder and sit up as much as you can, wringing your hands, “I... I... don’t drive.” 

“That’s alright, is there a library near you, yeah? I can find my way.” 

You frown and flick your lip under your teeth several times. You see yourself in the little box. You look scary as your eyes are pools of shadows. 

“Uh...” you pull your hands apart and open a new tab, happy to have your image off the screen. You type into the search. You think there’s a library close by. “Yes, um, there is...” 

“Send me the location. We’ll reschedule. When are you available? Thursday? I’m afraid tomorrow I’m booked up.” 

You switch back to the video call. You feel tears tightening your throat and ready to spring. You shake your head and paste the URL of the library branch into the chat. His eyes flit down to read it. 

“Thursday,” you repeat but it’s not as much a question as you mean. 

“Thursday is good. Can we do earlier? Ten?” He asks. 

You don’t know. You’re not used to making decisions. You don’t get asked for your preference ever. 

“Sure,” you answer, just wanting to end the call and hide in bed. 

“Alright, I’ll pencil you in,” he says, “shall I stay on the call until that...” he pauses as Lee continues to bluster, “subsides?” 

“No,” you shake your head. 

He stares at you, his forehead lined with disapproval. Why does he care so much? He doesn’t know you. 

“Are you certain?” He intones. 

You nod, “I have to go.” 

You end the call and shut the computer. Your stomach is a jumble and you’re jittering with adrenaline. All your life, you’ve hidden behind these walls; you’ve hidden all that goes on there. To have someone witness it is worse than the yelling and hitting itself. 

You ignore the chirp from the laptop and throw yourself into bed. Thursday. So, another torturous purgatory begins, waiting to face the professor and your incompetence once more. 

📓

Thursday comes too quickly. 

You sit in your room and convince yourself to go. It was easier when it was just a computer screen, though even that was difficult. Only for you because you’re so messed up. Because you can’t do anything. 

What else can you do? The whole night you were awake thinking about how you would tell your mother. If you flunk out, you default on the student loan and you’re even deeper in the pit. The true consequences of your laziness are clearer now and you can’t let your sloth bury you again. If you do, you may as well give up on everything. Even life itself. 

So, you have no choice. You’re being given a last chance. Again. You’d feel even worse for not taking it than you would for failing at it. 

You pull on a hoodie and grab your house key and your knapsack with your computer and notebook tucked inside. That’s all you really have. No phone, no wallet. Just the bare minimum.  

You shuffle to the door, standing just inside as you muster your courage. You check your digital watch, an old Casio you’ve had for years. The numbers are dim and hard to read in the dark. You have to get going. 

You emerge and go down to the kitchen to sneak a sip of water before you go. Your room is always so dry at night. You drain a glass and rinse it out, leaving it beside the sink. As you turn around, you hear your mother’s bedroom door and the slap of her slippers as she slinks in. 

“Ah, honey,” she smiles dopily. You can smell liquor from there. She might even still be drunk as her hangovers usually keep her abed. “There you are! Oh, gosh, are you going somewhere?” 

“Mm, library,” you answer, “for school.” 

“Oh, smart girl,” she slurs. You try to smile but it’s shaky and weak. Your mom tries, you know that, so you can’t hate her. “Can you stop by the shop on your way? I got a twenty. Wouldn’t mind some vodka.” 

You pick at a fingernail, “mom, I don’t... I don’t like buying that stuff.” 

“Mm, I know, but I...” she sways on her feet and belches into her fist, “never mind. I’ll just ask Lee when he comes by.” 

“He’s coming?” You ask warily. 

“Sure, sure,” she turns and staggers to the fridge, “he must be missing me by now.” 

She bends, leaning on the door as she opens it, and peruses the mostly empty shelves. You leave her and go down the hall. You grab your shoes and slip them on, once more stopping at the threshold. Keep going. You made it this far. 

You let yourself out and lock the door behind you. You take the stairs down to the first level and continue out onto the street. You keep to the edge of the pavement as you weave around other pedestrians that pass. 

Your lips move as you recite the directions to yourself. You were sure to memorise the route as best as you could. You get turned around but right yourself and make it to the corner when you can see the grey brick of the library. 

You wait at the light before you cross and your heart begins to race the closer you get. Oh no, you don’t know if you can do this. You want to just run away. What if he sees you and changes his mind? I mean, look at you. You’re not some perky coed, you’re... you. 

You stare up at the facade and the large letters over the entrance. You take the first step, then the next. You focus on that. Right foot, left foot. Little things, one at a time. You can do this. You have to. 

[tiny-wooden-robot-fics]

Magnolia - Chapter Eleven

Rating: Explicit Media: Jujutsu Kaisen Pairing(s): Geto Suguru x Original Female Character, Geto Suguru x Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru x Gojo Satoru x Original Female Character Additional Tags: Vampire AU, Dark Themes, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Depression, Loneliness, Polyamory, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

A/N: More tags will be added as chapters are updated. Please be mindful of the tags and warnings at the beginning of each chapter, as they will tell you what you need to know about the content within.

Minors, DNI.

Summary:

“How am I supposed to present the idea of immortal life to a woman who tried to kill herself a year ago?”

“Maybe don’t lay it out like an option on a menu - that probably wouldn’t go over well. But if she loves you, that means she loves being with you and probably doesn’t want to go anytime soon anyway.” Satoru reaches out, smoothing Suguru’s hair back from his face. “Just keep giving her reasons to want to live, like you have been doing,” he concludes simply.

Suguru is quiet, contemplating his words. As usual, Satoru can see very clearly something he’s been obscuring by overthinking it.

Chapter Navigation 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Read on AO3

Chapter Warnings: None A/N: Thought I would squeeze in an update in between out of town trips. Thanks for reading!

Chapter Eleven: My Love Is As a Fever

“You seem upset.” Satoru makes the observation nonchalantly, one leg crossed over the other as he watches Suguru rifle through one of his bags.

“I’m not upset,” Suguru murmurs, pulling on the pair of boxer briefs he’s taken out of the bag. “But we were kind of in the middle of an important conversation there. And I don’t…” He trails off and shakes his head. “I suspect she won’t want to continue it now.”

“Because I’m here?”

“Maybe.”

“I don’t get it,” Satoru shrugs. “She knows I’m fine with the two of you sleeping together, right?”

“She knows,” Suguru affirms. “The thing is,” he continues, joining Satoru on the sofa, “it’s a little more complicated than just sleeping together.”

Satoru looks back at him, his blue eyes bright with amused understanding. “Oh ho ho,” he chuckles. “You like her.” He leans forward, looking closer. “Oh,” he says when he catches sight of the expression on the other man’s face. “That’s a little more than like, Suguru. Does she know?”

“No. We’d just gotten to the part where she admitted how she feels.”

Satoru puts his palms together, bowing his head contritely. “Men-go*... you know I didn’t mean to step on your moment, right?”

Suguru can’t help but to laugh. “I know. You could have called, though.” He offers Satoru a wry smile before leaning over to bestow a kiss on his lips. “Okaeri.”

“Mmm.” Pleased, Satoru wiggles his nose. “So what are you gonna do?”

“What do you mean, what am I going to do?” Suguru asks witheringly. “This involves you too, Mr. ‘I’m not fond of humans.’”

“Yeah, but this isn’t like Nanako and Mimiko,” Satoru rebuts. “This isn’t some child you feel responsible for raising. You may have rescued this woman, but she’s very much a woman. I’ve seen her---”

“Satoru,” he interjects warningly. 

“---assets,” Satoru finishes, despite the warning. “All jokes aside,” he goes on, his voice solemn and quiet, “it’s obvious that she’s different. That she means something different to you than Nanako and Mimiko did. Even so… you know that I’ll support whatever you want to do, just like I did with the girls.”

“Oh, and look how far doing what I wanted got Nanako and Mimiko,” Suguru mutters bitterly.

“That won’t happen here,” Satoru sighs. He pauses. “Especially not if you turn her.”

“How am I supposed to present the idea of immortal life to a woman who tried to kill herself a year ago?”

“Maybe don’t lay it out like an option on a menu - that probably wouldn’t go over well. But if she loves you, that means she loves being with you and probably doesn’t want to go anytime soon anyway.” Satoru reaches out, smoothing Suguru’s hair back from his face. “Just keep giving her reasons to want to live, like you have been doing,” he concludes simply. 

Suguru is quiet, contemplating his words. As usual, Satoru can see very clearly something he’s been obscuring by overthinking it.

“I know you’ve never loved it that I’m gone so often and I stay away so long,” Satoru goes on. “And I wish I could say it’s something I’ll get out of my system at some point. But I can’t. You’ve never asked me to stay in one place forever, and I’ve never asked you to come along with me when I move around. I love you, and if you love her and want her to stay, it would make me happy to know there’s someone home with you when I’m not. And who knows?” He adds, poking his tongue out playfully. “If I stick around long enough, I might end up falling for her too.”

Suguru opens his mouth to respond, but the sound of soft footfalls on the stairs stops him. Both men turn just in time to see Lia descend the last of the stairs. She’s freshly showered, dressed in her pajamas. 

“I’m sorry I tied up your shower,” she offers.

“Ah, you just broke one of Suguru’s cardinal rules,” Satoru asserts with a grin. “Apologizing for something you shouldn’t.”

“Oh, right,” Lia exclaims softly, fiddling with the ties on her pajama bottoms. “Old habits, I guess.”

“It’s okay. He tells me I don’t apologize enough for the things I should apologize for. Maybe you and I can balance each other out.”

It makes her giggle a little, and Satoru seems pleased.

“Are you hungry?” Suguru asks, rising from the sofa. 

“A little,” she admits. “But I don’t mind cooking - you’re probably wanting a shower too, aren’t you?”

“She’s got a point, Suguru. You smell like sex.”

One set of eyes looks away from him; the other glares daggers at him. “Don’t worry, don’t worry,” he says hastily, putting his hands up in mock surrender, “I’ll take good care of her while you’re showering, and I promise not to touch any of the food.”

Puzzled, Lia looks between the two men.

“Satoru is a horrible cook,” Suguru explains. “If you let him so much as chop a vegetable, he will find a way to ruin it.” 

“Duly noted,” Lia nods. Both men are surprised to see that she’s actually smiling. “You can leave it to me.”

“See?” Satoru wiggles his eyebrows. “Go get cleaned up - we’ll be fine.” 

--

My love is a fever, longing still For that which longer nurseth the disease;  Feeding on that which doth preserve the sill, The uncertain sickly appetite to please. My reason, the physician to my love, Angry that his prescriptions are not kept, Hath left me, and I desperate now approve Desire is death, which physic did except. Past cure I am, now reason is past care, And frantic-mad with evermore unrest; My thoughts and my discourse as madmen’s are,  At random from the truth vainly express’d;  For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,  Who art as black as hell, as dark as night. -William Shakespeare, Sonnet 147

--

Her hands are shaking. 

It isn’t that she’s afraid of him. While it is true that she doesn’t know him well at all, she knows that Suguru would never have left her alone with him if he felt Satoru would harm her. 

But the situation is bizarre. For so long, it has felt like she and Suguru have been living in their own little world, way out here on the edge of the woods where life is quiet and she is learning to look forward to every tomorrow. Hearing that Satoru is unbothered by the prospect of Suguru sharing his bed with someone else is one thing; witnessing his nonchalance firsthand is an entirely different thing.

She isn’t quite sure how to behave.

And then there is the matter of her unintentionally confessing her feelings to Suguru, and the unfinished conversation surrounding those feelings. It’s all an unresolved knot of anxiety in the pit of her stomach, making her tense and nervous. 

“Do you like wine?” Satoru calls from the living room. It startles her, makes her jump, and she nearly burns herself. 

“Y-yes,” she calls back. 

There is no further inquiry for a few minutes, and she returns her attention to the food she’s making. When Satoru comes back into the kitchen, he is carrying two bottles of wine. “Cab or Merlot?”

“Umm… it doesn’t matter,” she answers. “I like them both.”

“Merlot it is,” he announces. He sets both bottles down and begins rummaging in a drawer. “Where the fuck is the corkscrew?”

“Oh,” she says, reducing the burner heat and joining him on the other side of the kitchen. “He moved all that stuff to this drawer,” she says, motioning to it. “All the corkscrews and can openers and stuff.” 

“Ooooh, you’re handy to have around.” Once he’s got the wine open, he pours a glass for her and a glass for himself. He settles himself at the kitchen island to watch her cook in much the same way that she often settles there to watch Suguru. 

It surprises her that it doesn’t make her feel uncomfortable. 

“Suguru teases me because I can’t cook,” he says after a few minutes of watching her. “Especially since I do like to.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I do.” He reaches over, filching one of the tomatoes she’s set out for the salad. “I’m kinda envious that you’re both good at it.”

“I hated cooking before I came here,” she confesses.

“Oh?” He raises one pale eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because eating was just something I had to do,” she explains honestly. “I didn’t enjoy it, so I didn’t enjoy cooking. I ate all the same things all the time… and I didn’t really care about learning how to make new food or try different things.” She pauses. “A couple of months after I got here, Suguru suggested that we try a new recipe every week for a month. 

“That… was fun,” she smiles, remembering. “It sort of built my appreciation for the love and care that goes into a meal when you prepare it for someone you care about. And it made cooking more fun.”

“Hmm, that does sound really nice,” he admits. “So what you’re saying is you really care for Suguru.”

She freezes, her fingers hovering over the salad bowl. It doesn’t escape his notice that her hand is shaking. 

“I suppose it was a bit unfair to spring that on you,” he muses thoughtfully. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was antagonizing you.”

She surprises herself with the words she says next. “Would you have a problem with it if I did? Care for him, I mean,” she clarifies.

Her words seem to surprise him, too. “Eh?” He looks at her with those unnervingly clear eyes of his. “I didn’t know you a year ago, but it seems to me like where you were then and where you are now are as different from each other as night and day.”

Lia shakes her head. “What do you mean?”

“You tried to kill yourself,” Satoru points out bluntly. “A little less than twelve months ago, you were bleeding out of your wrists in the middle of the woods, preparing to die. I don’t know what your life was like back then, but I venture to say that you’re no longer in that same headspace.

“You just told me how much you enjoy cooking now, and eating. You seem to like living here - to enjoy life with Suguru. He tells me sometimes how your eyes light up when you talk about things you enjoy. The list is long, and you should see the way his face softens up when he talks about it. You seem to be happy, and that makes him happy. If loving him is a side effect of all of that,” he goes on reasonably, “why would I have a problem with it?”

His blunt, discerning words have left her utterly speechless. She’s still frozen, rooted to the spot in front of the kitchen island with her shaky hands hovering over the salad bowl when Suguru comes in a few seconds later. “That smells good,” he says. He looks between them, sensing he’s missed something. “Am I… interrupting?”

“Not at all,” Satoru smiles blithely. “I was just about to set the table.”

*Men-go - Gojo says this in JJK 0. It’s the word gomen (which means “I’m sorry” in Japanese) said with the syllables reversed. It’s his way of turning the word a little slangy, and the equivalent of saying something like “my bad” in English.

Chapter Navigation 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Chapter Twelve: Haunted (Coming Soon)

Tag list: @therealestpussyeater

(If you'd like to be tagged in this or any of my other work, please DM me to let me know.)