#i feel i didn't give her enough rainbow >:[

[shadows-coffeebeans]

GET REVENGED‼️‼️ @head---ache

*throws up a rainbow on bria*💥💥 >:]

@sapphanimates

[suncoved]

BIG MAN ON CAMPUS! — RAFE CAMERON

pairing; fratboy!rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary; you come to your first college party and have the worst panic attack of your life. who knew your knight in shining armour would be the captain of the biggest fraternity and the biggest fuck boy on campus

warnings ; panic attacks, anxiety, drugging, angst but like fluff!!

"Liv, i'm really not sure about this"

You're best friend and roommate looked at you with a blank stare, watching as you pulled the tight white dress down that had ridden up your thighs. She had dragged you out of your dorm only 20 minutes ago, telling you that if you didn't come she was going to wake you up with a bucket of ice water.

"Cmon babe, you made me promise i would drag you to at least one party this year. and i don't break a promise. Which also means that i promise if you don't like the first 30 minutes, then we can go home and eat 30 pounds of ice cream and pass out in our makeup"

You smiled at her, trying to push yourself through whatever anxiety was coursing through you. Liv was really a good friend, even if she was harsh about it at times, you know that she wanted the best for you.

The smell of booze and sweat hit your nose immediately as you walked into the frat house, the music blasting and the rainbow lights blinding against the otherwise dark space.

Liv pulled you to the corner of the living room, smiling brightly at you and giving you an extra tight hug. "Ok! I'm gonna go get us some drinks, stay right there and don't move!"

She had to yell because of how loud the music was, wasting no time before disappearing into the kitchen.

You stood in the party like a fish out of water, biting your lip as you looked down at your feet.

You'd like to say that you weren't that much of an introvert. I mean sure you liked to be curled up with a good book from time to time, and you were studying a bit more than healthy. But you like to go out and shop with friends, talk to new people in your classes and slumber parties on the weekends.

But parties were something you did not do. It had a combination of all the things you disliked most in life. loud music, people yelling, drinking, flashing bright lights and... frat boys.

You'd already been brought out of your shell at college, you were confident enough now to present in classes and partner up with new people on assignments, but this was pushing it.

You were a sweet girl, but naive. You didn't have enough experience with greedy men and even you would admit that you resembled a lost deer more often than you would like.

You lifted your head as you heard someone approach you, looking up quickly as you assumed it was Liv coming back from the kitchen.

But it wasn't Liv.

A brunette looked straight at you as you made eye contact with him, a red solo cup resting in his hand.

"What's a pretty girl like you standing here all alone in the corner" he stated, inching closer to you as you subconsciously stepped back a bit. "I'm Jeremey"

He reached out his hand to you to shake, only to receive a dumbfounded look on your face.

"Normally people reply back with their name, Babe"

"Oh! Sorry!" you replied flustered, repeating back your name as he grinned wide, showing his bright smile.

You didn't want to admit that when Jeremy was talking to you, you continually kept glancing over at the entrance to the kitchen, hoping that the next person to walk out was Liv, who was going to hopefully come to save you from this conversation.

"Hey, I was experimenting in the kitchen, wanna try my new concoction." Jeremy dangled the red solo cup in your face, the liquid pink and smelling of strawberries.

"No thank you. I don't drink" you replied sweetly, hoping to be polite and not upset him. "There's barely any in it, promise. Pleaseee, don't wanna hurt my feelings, do you?" He replied in annoyance.

A pang of hurt shot through you as you panicked, how could you have been so rude! Jeremy was taking time out of his day to talk to you and you rejected a drink he made you?

"Oh! no, I'm sorry. Thank you so much" you replied, taking the cup out of his hands and looking down at the liquid. He watched closely as you took a sip, your face twisting at the strong flavour of vodka.

"What do you think?" he smirked as he asked, bringing his hand up to your lips and wiping the extra liquid off with his thumb.

"Its- its great, thank you" you replied, your heart beating faster as you started to feel increasingly more uncomfortable. He watched you closely as he hinted to you to drink more, looking down at you like he was a wolf, and you were his prey.

You held back tears as you felt the room start to spin under your feet, your cheeks feeling hot and your hands shaking involuntarily. It hit you quickly that this wasn't alcohol that was making you feel like this, no, it was something else. Something much, much worse.

And you didn't want to stick around to figure out what it was.

"Um, sorry Jeremy, I need to go to the bathroom" you spoke up, using all your courage to push through the crowd quickly as he followed.

Your breath was now speeding up as you fought your way through the waves of people, your steps becoming faster as you felt the room spinning more and more, tears streaming down your face.

You didn't know where the bathrooms in this place were, but you didn't have time to think about that now.

You just needed to find Liv, or someone, anyone.

Your eyes fell on a room at the end of the hall, light spilling out of the crack where the door failed to meet the floor.

You didn't have time to think, just to act. Your balled fist made it up to the door, knocking over and over again as you looked behind you, Jeremy in the crowd but looking all over for what you assumed to be you.

You didn't even want to begin to imagine how stupid you looked, or how impolite you were being as your knocks became harsher and frantic as Jeremy came closer.

"Jesus, learn how to wait your fucking turn" a voice sounded as the door opened. you didn't even look away from Jeremy as you tumbled into the bathroom, accidentally bringing the person in the door with you.

"Yo, what the fuc-" the aggressive voice came to a halt quickly, but you all you could focus on was your breathing, which was out of control.

Your cheeks were wet with tears as you closed your eyes, bringing your hands up to your face and letting yourself sob. "I- I can't breathe" You let out, unknowing if you were talking to yourself or the person in the space with you.

You couldn't even handle your anxiety and emotions when you were in control of your body, let alone now.

That's the main reason you don't drink, because you tend to freak out to the point of no return, and this, this was much worse.

Your face was buried in your hands as the person softly closed the door to the bathroom. You didn't even register him softly moving you to sit on the toilet seat in the bathroom, kneeling down and removing your hands from your face.

You opened your eyes to see a man's face looking back at you, his features painted with worry and his body distanced enough away from you as to not upset you even more.

"Hey- hey. Its ok, what's wrong?" the boy asked, trying not to show how confused he was on how to deal with this situation. "Are you hurt?"

You shook your head quickly at his statement, your tears slowly coming to a halt as your vision became less blurry. You could now see his face more clearly. Fluffy dirty blonde hair, bright blue eyes, soft pink lips.

"Uh, um. Wait" He spoke, breaking eye contact with you for the first time since you entered the bathroom. He started frantically opening draws and cabinets, stopping when he found a box of tissues under the sink.

"Here" you looked between him and the box he was handing you before taking it in your hands, your fingers brushing past each other momentarily.

"Thank you, i-i promise I'm not this much of a mess all the time." You replied, earning a soft smile from the man. "It's ok, it happens to the best of us. Have you taken anything, or just drunk?" He asked delicately.

Rafe didn't understand what he was feeling at this moment. Because he'd never felt it before.

Sure he could be an asshole sometimes, He was rude and got into fights on occasion, and he had been known to make girls complete the walk of shame out of his room involuntarily after a big night out, but that didn't mean he would ever leave a clearly intoxicated girl alone at a frat party.

But this, this was different. He had to know what was wrong with you, and he had to fix it. Sure you were a mystery to him and only met you seconds ago, but he wasn't leaving until he knew you were safe and sound... and had given him your name.

"I don't drink- or, at least I didn't. This boy gave me something, it tasted weird. Then I got all dizzy and now- now I can't stop crying" You rambled, sighing softly and looking into his eyes.

He gazed back at you, running his tongue around his teeth before seemingly snapping out of the trance he was in. "Did you know the guy?" He huffed, obviously agitated with your reply as he ran his fingers through his hair.

You shook your head softly, a wave of sadness running through you because you couldn't give him the answer he wanted. Tears started running down your face again suddenly as you kept repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

He lifted his thumb up to your cheek, softly brushing the tears away. "Hey it's okay, Don't worry. I'll keep you safe"

He didn't understand the feelings he was feeling, He had never craved to protect someone so much, He had never been this gentle in his whole life.

"What's your name?" he asked, distracting you to hopefully stop the flow of tears streaming down your face. He felt like if you didn't stop crying in the next minute, he was going to lose it.

You answered your name to him, earning a soft smile. "I'm Rafe, it's nice to meet you." He finished the sentence with your name, sending shivers down your spine.

"Liv" You gasped, making his head tilt in confusion before you shot up from your seat. "Wow, ma. Slow down, what do you mean?" Rafe replied, holding your hips to stop you from completely falling over. You sat back down quickly in defeat, your eyes wide with panic.

"Liv, I-I came here with my friend Liv. I'm gonna scare her. I need to find her." You gasped, your voice trembling as you spoke. "It's ok, We'll find her. Don't worry, it's ok." He repeated, desperate for your face to get back to your normal expression, aka, not struck with terror.

It was obvious to Rafe through the glaze cast over your eyes, the shaking from your hands and the drooping of your eyelids that someone had slipped something into your drink.

He had hosted enough parties at his fraternity to know what insecure, probably small dicked boys, not men, can do to women. And it revolted him.

"R-rafe. I'm gonna go to sleep now" You whispered, your body finally giving out before you could stop it, his arms quickly coming up to stabilize you before you toppled over.

He bit his lip as he tried to figure out what to do, pulling your body into his arms as you didn't even stir. He was scared. So scared.

He didn't know what you were given, how much you were given, what would happen after you woke up, if you even woke up at all.

He carried you up the stairs and into his bedroom, unlocking the door and locking it behind him again. His room was the only one with a lock in the whole house, because he was damned if he was going to walk in on random strangers having drunk sex on his bed.

He rested you softly on his bed, making sure your head was comfortably on his pillow and resting a blanket over your body after taking your heels off.

He looked at your sleeping form, your long eyelashes resting on your cheeks, your hair falling softly over your shoulders and your chest rising and falling with your breaths.

He looked at you one last time before leaving his room, ignoring every person greeting him as he made a beeline straight for the living room.

He scanned over the large crowd in the house, numerous people dancing, some making out, his frat brothers doing keg stands, and one very panicked girl going up to every stranger she sees.

Rafe took no time before walking straight to the girl in the middle of the dance floor, tapping her on the shoulder. She turns immediately to face Rafe, her face struck with confusion.

"Are you Liv?" Rafe asks, earning a confused nod from the girl in front of him” I am! Have you seen my best friend anywhere? She's about yay height, really pretty, heart of gold, she kinda looks like that baby deer from that Disney movie, she's wearing this white dress and-"

Rafe stops her ramble with a quick nod causing her eyes to widen. "What? Where is she?"

"In my bed" Rafe replied, remembering he wasn't all that good with small talk. "What? What the fuck do you mean, in your bed? What did you do? I swear to god-"

"Ok, calm down. Someone gave her something. I found her in the bathroom sobbing before she passed out. I put her in my bed then came down here, end of story" He replied, starting to get slightly agitated.

The girl he now knows to be Liv quickly walks off, heading straight for upstairs where the bedrooms are. Rafe rolls his eyes before following swiftly behind her, though he's glad that there's someone out there other than him trying to protect his newfound soft spot.

Liv halts at all the bedrooms, looking expectantly at Rafe before he walks in front of her and opens his door. Liv immediately rushes to you, still passed out on Rafe's bed.

She sits next to you, tucking your hair behind your ear before placing a kiss on your forehead. "Of course, on the first party she goes to, some sick fuck roofies her and she ends up in Rafe Cameron's bed" Liv speaks, not taking her eyes off you.

"How do you know my name?" Rafe asks, not even bothering to look at the person he's talking to as he focuses on your chest rising and falling. "Ha, everyone knows who you are Rafe. And if I find out you had anything to do with her getting hurt, I'm gonna chop your dick off and feed it to you and make sure everyone on campus knows it"

It would be a lie to say Rafe wasn't slightly amused by your best friend's words, holding back his smile and keeping his face stern. "I would never do that shit. Especially not to her" Liv's eyebrow quirked in confusion at the last bit of his sentence.

She knows for a fact that you did not know Rafe Cameron before this night, let alone any frat boys. Liv could cry at the sight of your passed-out form, taking full blame and responsibility for the fact that you got hurt when she was meant to protect you.

She pulled her phone out from her purse, about to call an Uber back to the dorms for both of you. "No, I'll drive you" He stated, not leaving room for an argument

Liv nodded slowly before pulling the blanket off you, your body involuntarily starting to shiver from the cold air.

Rafe walked over to his closet, grabbing his warmest hoodie. Liv looked up at him as he raised your body softly, placing the hoodie over your head and softly lifting you up into his arms.

Rafe walked with Liv down to the road outside the fraternity house, receiving hundreds of stares from people in the crowd. But he didn't care, all he cared about was you.

He let Liv open the door to the backseat of his truck, allowing him to place you softly inside before Liv climbed in next to you, placing your head on her lap.

The ride was completely silent, barring Liv's directions to the dormitories, but she didn't miss the way he was constantly looking in the rearview mirror at you.

It didn't take long before Liv was leading the way to your dorm, Rafe trailing slowly behind with you in his arms.

She flicked the light on in your dorm, Rafe quickly knowing which bed was yours from the multiple stuffies and pink blankets. He lifted the covers before placing your head on the pillow once more, knowing Liv was going to get you changed before she slept.

"Thank you, Rafe, for looking out for her when I didn't" Liv said as Rafe walked to your door, nodding curtly in repose to her statement.

He gave you one last look before he walked out of your door, watching as Liv was about to shut the door on him after saying goodbye. Panicked he placed his foot in front of the door before it shut, forcing it open.

"C-can I get her number, please?"

[rebo-chan]

Something I was thinking about lately is Tsuna's daddy issues. Specifically this frame.

Like that's such a loaded thing to think about. He's got so much resentment built up. Obviously, there's no direct connection to any of Tsuna's issues made but I think a few fun things can be said from this. In general, Tsuna clearly didn't have a father figure in his life which sorta results in him leaning on Reborn pretty often. Tsuna doesn't have a very stable self-esteem with him going from confident to "Aah, Gokuderas going to become disillusioned with me now that all my flaws have been pointed out." GOKUDERA. His FIRST SUBORDINATE. The guy who literally has been LOYAL FROM DAY ONE. Not that we consider them canon, but this happens also during the filler arcs where Daemon points out that Tsuna's not worth following to Gokudera and it seems to make Tsuna a little antsy. He DOES NOT THINK THE PEOPLE HE LOVES ARE GOING TO STAY WITH HIM, THIS IS LITERALLY RUINING MY LIFE. What Daddy Issues DO TO A MF. But that's a post for another day. But okay, back to Reborn, Reborn proves himself to be immovable from Tsuna's life. The story points out that Tsuna very much has two fathers. The one who won't leave and the one who is always gone. Tsuna really leans on Reborn throughout the series. "Reborn, what do I do?" Is a common thing he says, until Reborn is literally swept away from him against his will in Future arc where he's forced to think that he's half a person in Reborns absence. Meanwhile, we have Iemitsu who Tsuna has resentment built up towards, does not respect, and is forced to acknowledge in order to win his fight. Throughout the rainbow arc battle, they try to point out that Iemitsu is trying to teach Tsuna something here and unless I'm confused (someone feel free to tell me?) it's not really clear WHAT that is. And I've always thought that was neat, because it's obviously coming from Tsuna's inability to respect Iemitsu enough to want to learn anything from him. Yet when Reborn comes in, hell he doesn't even recognize him in his Adult form, but he politely listens and takes his advice seriously. In the grand scheme of the series, Reborn is a good teacher and father figure in his life. When Tsuna is made to feel like that he can't do anything in Reborn's absence during Future, Reborn takes a step back in that arc and lets him learn to survive without his guidance. (Notice how the training almost entirely disappears after Future.) He lets him learn how to be a person without him, only stepping in to help when Tsuna really needs it. When he's unable to light his flame, with Spanner, or when he's freaking out about the Irie reveal, the list really goes on. There's a scene I recall I believe when Yuni asks to join their group, Tsuna still turns to ask Reborn what to do, and Reborn redirects him by asking him what he wants to do. That it was his call as a boss. And Tsuna ends up making the decision to help her off his own accord.

It's with Reborn's guidance that Tsuna ends up learning to be his own person, it's this guidance that allows him to make the decision and gather everyone on his own accord when it was Reborn's turn to be shaky and give up. Where Tsuna tells him that he's got this under control, without his guidance. To just watch him. "you've always knew I could win before." It's this arc where Reborn's pride in Tsuna shines. Multiple times. "Surprise me again, Tsuna." And he does. It's in Reborn's second absence where Tsuna feels himself get shaky again, feels the old feelings of poor self image crop up, that Reborn comes back. Because Reborn is not Iemitsu, and he wasn't someone who left him in that house alone forever. Because he's still young and has much to learn before he's ready to do this on his own. It's at this he feels a little embarrassed about how glad he is that Reborn came back, but then recalls the "mean words" that Reborn said before leaving. It's here that Reborn tells him it's a good thing he hasn't changed much. Another sliver of guidance that Tsuna takes in from the figure in his life that won't leave him alone in that house.

[simpee9000]

You Were A Dream ~T. Amajiki

Blurb Idea Description : Tamaki was always shy, but with you? He was doing everything he never expected. All with his best friend's sister. it felt like the words cruel joke on him. Yet for you, it was all sunshine and rainbows. Word Count : 20k (Omfg) Warnings : Angst, Smut, First Times in all but home run (lmk if more)

---

The past couple of days have been a headache. You had a presentation to do with Tamaki soon, yet all Mirio did while Tamaki was over was yap.

"Mirio," you rubbed at your temple. Head in your hands, elbows on the table.

"Yes?" he chirped, turning his attention off Tamaki.

"Can you please go?" you nodded your head in the direction of his room.

He gave you an odd look, "Why?"

You rolled your eyes. It was obvious he was trying to see why you wanted to be alone with Tamaki. It was obvious enough for Tamaki to shift uncomfortably. "I have a presentation to do, now please?"

"Why can't I sit on the couch?" he questioned, voice still cheery as he somewhat glared at you.

"All you're doing is distracting us, please? I don't want to have to go do this at a cafe or his apartment," you gave Tamaki an apologetic look for your insanely overprotective brother. He's known Tamaki since elementary school, there is no reason he shouldn't trust you alone.

"Alright," Mirio gave a look of distaste, "My door will be open, though!"

With your nuisance of a brother gone, with only the motion of him pointing two fingers at you, then his eyes, telling you he was watching you.

"Sorry," you mumbled to Tamaki, reshuffling your papers again so you could get back to work, "I don't know why he's like that."

"It's fine," his eyes were turned to the papers, not wanting to acknowledge anything.

"Maybe next time we should go to yours," you half-joked, but it was filled with hope, "Would keep us on task."

"Oh, um-" his eyes darted around the room, turning his eyes to Mirio's door, "I don't know-"

You laughed off his unwillingness, "I get it, don't worry."

"I just- I've never really had a girl in my apartment before," he whispered once he was sure Mirio wasn't listening. He didn't want the blonde to get any ideas.

"Really?" you looked at his embarrassed expression in shock, "What about Hado? Aren't you dating?"

"What?" he squeaked, "No! Y- Mirio is dating her."

"What?!" you hissed, "That's who's been over recently," you made a look in disgust.

"Do you not like her-"

"No, I love her- just I've heard things from his room," you cringed.

"Oh."

"I thought you were dating her-"

"No," he rushed.

You saw Mirio slip his head through the wall, "Mirio!"

"I couldn't hear you! Why are you guys being so quiet?" he eyed you.

"Tamaki just told me you're dating Hado!" you glared at him.

"Sorry!"

You shot Mirio a long glare before brushing off the conversation, saving it for later when Tamaki wasn't in the middle of it.

With how you went to school with them all, you were shocked you never knew they were dating. You always thought Hado and Tamaki were dating, blinded somewhat by how you thought Tamaki was unavailable. It was obvious Mirio was dating her. They spent lunch together and met each other parents officially. All the typical dating things.

The situation gave you a headache, so after only cleaning up a few slides to your presentation, you called in a night, saying goodbye to Tamaki so you could finally shower and sleep.

"Sis," Mirio called your attention after you were trying to step off to the bathroom.

"Hm?"

"Don't," he warned, odd to see off his usually happy personality, " do anything with him while I'm gone."

You huffed, "I have a project with him."

"Public places only," he crossed his arms, trying to give a stern lecture like your dad would.

"You're not Dad," you rolled your arms, matching how he crossed his arms, "plus, you know Tamaki, I don't get why you're weird about it."

"I still want to be in the know if you start talking like that," Mirio explained, "he's proven himself as a friend- I just don't know how I feel about him dating you."

"Oh my god," you groaned in embarrassment, "He doesn't see it like that."

"You don't know how guys think-"

"Shut up," you huffed.

"Hado thought I liked her as a friend too," he pointed out.

You caught onto the subject change, "When did you even start dating?"

"Once we graduated."

"Mirio! I haven't known for three years!"

"Sorry!"

"Oh, I can't wait till you're out of the country," you glared at him, annoyed at how he wanted to know everything but not tell everything.

"Hey!"

The break from him would be amazing. He'd be gone for god knows how long, and you'd finally have a breath of fresh air. With him out of the apartment, you'd have free range.

Only a couple of days. That's all you told yourself when he was bugging you and Tamaki while you were working.

When Mirio was finally gone, it felt like the best thing possible. You've lived with him since you were in the womb. You might be twins, but you weren't identical. He took after your dad mainly while you followed your mom's genetic line. Similar quirk, though.

Led you to spend almost every waking moment with him. Going to the same school, living very similar paths. Having all the same friends. Everything was always together, so you decided to continue that path and get an apartment together, feeling it'd be weird to be far away from dad without him.

You loved Mirio, but god was he a pain in the ass. He'd leave stuff everywhere, and god forbid he had a girl over. Anything you heard was against your will, and so was anything you saw. Now knowing it was all Hado made you gag. So, with him gone, you were free. Free to live in your apartment as if it was fully your own.

It led to nasty habits, and you'll admit it. Leaving dishes out longer, throwing clothes anywhere, and listening to TV way too loud late at night. It made you feel like you lived in the dorms again, your own private space.

Yet even with the freedom of him gone, you didn't want to move out quite yet. Though you told him you didn't want to leave home too quickly, the main reason was Tamaki. Something about him made you want to stick around a bit longer. You got along well, and he was one of your closest friends, but the main reason he was that close was because Mirio made it happen.

So you weren't going to move away from your main source to him.

Sometimes, your interactions with him made you feel delusional. Overthinking any interaction with him. Thinking he felt comfortable around you or that he looked at you softer.

You only had rare chances to see him one-on-one. Sure, you had work, but that only had team-ups every once in a while. You wanted to see him in a social but private setting that didn't work.

Even though they were rare, and Mirio wasn't home, you were assigned to work on an office presentation for your PR management. Tamaki and you were the cleanest PR heroes in your office, so they wanted you to work together to explain how to achieve that.

It was finally in the step you wanted, so you weren't going to listen to Mirio's warnings. You were just hopeful he didn't tell Tamaki the same out of kindness.

Yet now, before you were even ready, Tamaki was knocking at your door while you were fighting with your top to get over your head.

"You have a key, right?" you called out through your sweater.

"Yeah?" you heard his meep voice peak past the door.

"Come in, just give me two seconds!" you rushed out of view, determined to make yourself presentable as you tripped into the bathroom.

The sound of the door opening caught your attention once you got your shirt settled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah!" you stepped out of the bathroom once you gave yourself a once over, completely out of breath from how much you rushed. You've spent the past two hours getting ready for him.

"Your face is red- are you sure you're doing okay?" he eyed you wearily.

"I'm fine," you smiled, stepping past him to get yourself a glass of water, "You excited about the presentation?" you joked while digging out your filtered water in the fridge.

"I-um was hoping you'd-"

"I know," you glanced at him, "I was joking."

"Oh."

You swallowed awkwardly. Normally, Mirio provided a filler for the two of you. "I'm excited to work with you, though, relieving to be paired with someone I actually know."

"Mhm," he rocked on his heels, looking around your apartment as if it was his first time there. Looking at it in a new light without Mirio in it.

You took a sip from your glass before making your way to the living room, grabbing your files from the counter as you walked. "Might as well throw ourselves into it," you spoke out loud as you started setting up papers in an orderly manner on the coffee table.

"Yeah," he mumbled, following your steps into the living room, and sitting down next to the coffee table before you.

With the idea of having the apartment to yourself, you hyped yourself together, wanting to make a move, even the slightest one, while Mirio was gone.

You went to sit down, strategically placing your hand on his shoulder to make it easier to sit down, "Sorry, bad knees," you joked off the casual touch, "Hero work makes you old."

His face flushed slightly, "I get it."

The delusional thoughts started kicking in again, scratching at the part of your brain that screamed that he liked you back.

"I can't believe we present tomorrow," you chose to dart to a conversation before your brain raced too far ahead.

"Yeah, I hope it goes well," Tamaki folded his hands in his lap.

"It will," you gave him a soft smile, "We have all the slides done. We just need to add some details. Honestly surprised we got anything done with Mirio around."

"Mhm," he agreed softly.

"Next time, we definitely have to go to your apartment," you turned away from his reaction, your words escaping your mouth before you thought.

You heard the fabric of his clothes shift as he shrugged, "If you want to- Not sure what Mirio would think."

Not willing to get into the headspace of your brother, you moved your focus to the presentation, "What do we add here?"

Tamaki shifted slightly, the idea of work clouding his anxious demeanor for a second as he leaned over your shoulder to explain the next step.

Close interactions happened between you often, even without a thought. It was something Mirio commented on often, but you only noticed without his extra presence.

You thought back to when Tamaki was sharing his favorite book, huddled over your shoulder as he helped you flip to his favorite chapter.

It's the main reason you thought he liked you.

So, with Mirio gone for the foreseeable future, you have to soak in the full glow of the interactions. Even during the first presentation of many.

"Suneater," you placed your hand on his bicep lightly, "Charted the amount of interviews and rates for us on this graph." You looked to the screen as you let your hand fall, ignoring his flustered look to continue the presentation.

You snuck in as many of those light interactions as possible without suspicion.

Clearly getting away with it when at the end of the presentation a sidekick you couldn't remember the name of, approached you.

"You can't believe all that," he said in a cocky tone.

"Hm?" you turned to face him, drawing your eyes away from where Tamaki stood.

"The public doesn't give you a good rating just because of your donations," he crossed his arms, "In your research, you had to of seen that half your voting audience is males."

Understanding the hostile tone, you crossed your arms as well, "How is that relevant to the presentation?"

"They only give good ratings because they view you as a perfect virgin."

You tried to hide back your look of disgust, "At least they-"

"Excuse me," Tamaki stood by your side, drawing all your agitation out of your expression, "I need to steal her for a moment."

"Well," the sidekick rolled his eyes and looked at you, "If you want to change it, you know where I work."

Now you wanted to gag.

"What did he mean?" Tamaki looked at you confused.

"Nothing," you waved off, "He's just the type of guy I don't want to be anywhere near."

"Oh," Tamaki looked in the direction of the guy.

"What did you need?" you looked up at him, getting rid of any irritation in the comfort of his presence.

"I was just trying to help you get out of that conversation," he admitted shyly.

"I looked that bad, huh?"

"Yeah- well no- Just looked grossed out," he fumbled over his words.

You shrugged, "I was, people like him give me a headache," you grabbed your bag and looked at your phone for the time. "Want to go to the bar? I'd love a drink or something to celebrate our first successful presentation." In honesty, this was nothing to celebrate, but any excuse worked.

"I don't know," he mumbled, face tinging red, "I'm not a huge bar person-"

"Then ramen?" you offered, placing a smile on your face at his slight rejection.

He eyed you carefully for a moment, "Sure- can we go to Fat Gum's?

"Of course," you gestured for him to lead the way.

Ramen was great, Tamaki gushed over how much he loved it but could rarely eat it. It had hardly any protein, so, therefore, nothing to fuel his quirk. He explained it thoroughly. Giving you a different light on how he functioned as a hero.

The two of you talked about all the small things of your lifestyle, filler conversation of what you didn't learn about him throughout the years. A deeper side to him other than just your brother's best friend.

You drank as you talked, buzzing yourselves with the warmth of alcohol. Though you've seen Tamaki drink before, it was easier to tell one-on-one that he was a lot more open when buzzed.

Neither of you was wasted or even touched the aspect of being drunk when you stepped into the warmth of your apartment.

"Thank you for walking me home," you smiled at him as you walked through the door.

"Mhm."

You walked into your kitchen, putting away your small amount of leftovers. "I'm glad we hung out," you mumbled into your fridge, "you know, one on one."

"Me too," he spoke softly.

"We should do it more often," you suggested as you stood up, trying to gauge his reaction.

He flushed slightly and nodded, "I'd like that."

Not wanting to scare him off, you moved onto why he came over, "So you said you've never seen the Silent Voice? It's so good." You turned your TV on.

Tamaki choked out noise and dragged your attention to him, seeing his eyes catch your couch before darting away. Matching his view, you caught your midnight blue bra tossed over the couch, something you missed because it blended into the black couch.

"Oh my god," you grabbed it quickly, throwing it near your room and trying to calm the embarrassment flooding your face. "Sorry, I forgot I left that there," you sighed, "You've probably seen plenty, no big deal," you whispered to yourself. Trying to steady the nerves from the realization that he saw your favorite bra, one you bought with him in mind. You felt bad about it after buying it, but once you tried it on, most guilt melted away.

He gulped, "I actually haven't, but um, it's fine."

You glance at him, curious, "Really?"

His head shook quickly, eyes avoiding you as he tried to casually sit down on the couch that definitely didn't have your bra on it moments ago.

"Not even the one support course girl? In the third year?"

"What?"

"The girl that was all on you."

"I've never dated anyone?" he flushed, trying to clean up the mixup, fumbling over his words.

"Oh, well," you blinked at him, you honestly thought he dated her. Or someone. You've seen all the looks they've shared. "You've had to of seen one in high school."

"Why?" he croaked out, clearly struggling with the conversation. He was probably only able to talk because of the alcohol.

"Tamaki, everyone was head over heels for you," you explain, hiding the jealously, "You didn't take up on any offer?"

"No-" he shook his head again, "I thought they were joking-"

"No," you laughed lightly.

"Oh."

"Did you ever kiss a girl?" You asked, now confused.

"No," he mumbled, embarrassed by every part of this conversation, "Didn't think anyone wanted me that way."

"Don't worry," you comforted, "I didn't do anything in high school either."

"Really?"

"Didn't have the time," you answered his unspoken question, sitting comfortably on the floor in front of the coffee table, "Besides, you and Mirio scared everyone away."

"How?"

"Mirio has a creepy friendly vibe to him-"

"How did I?" Tamaki rushed out after interrupting you.

"You're intimidating. Most thought you liked me or something," you laughed through the pain of him not.

"Oh."

"But if I did," you paused, "I would have been lucky if it was you," you spoke softly, trying to calm your own nerves as you looked at him. His face flushed as he tried to read into what you were saying.

"So you would-" he trailed off.

"If you'd let me," you laughed lightly.

His eyes flickered to your lips, watching over your body language to see if this was in any way a joke. You'd never, but you could regret this.

"Do you want to?" You mumbled, moving slightly closer to him.

He flinched for a moment, taking in the entire situation. Looking over how you anxiously tapped your thumb on the floor and you looked him over as well. His body relaxed slightly, shoulders slouching as he nodded.

Your eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips as you leaned in before you closed them, gently kissing Tamaki. A surge of excitement making you feel giddy, you've wanted this since you were 14, if not before that. And it was better than you expected and anyone else. While he was inexperienced, the emotions of it topped any other kiss you've had.

He briefly let his hand rest softly on your cheek before dropping it in shock at his own actions. Parting his lips from yours to catch his breath.

"I can't believe-"

A stupid ringtone filled the room, blaring off your phone.

When you moved to decline, Tamaki shook his head. Telling you to answer.

"What Mirio?" You asked, annoyed, staring at his bright face on Facetime.

"How was the presentation? I tried to ask Tamaki but he hasn't answered me," Mirio pondered.

Your eyes flashed to Tamaki.

"Is he with you?" Mirio got closer to his screen, looking over your surroundings.

Tamaki nodded at you. "Yeah, he's right next to me. He just walked me home from ramen."

"Ramen? You guys got Ramen together?"

"Yeah?"

"Like a date-"

"No."

You flashed Tamaki, an apologetic smile saying it wasn't a date.

"Mhm- okay," Mirio eyed you for a moment, "Works going great here too-"

Mirio continued to yap about what he's done so far, and how much he loves it all. Asking questions about your presentation before telling Tamaki to go home, so he did. With a flustered goodbye that left you embarrassed to have to talk to Mirio.

"Why do you still need to talk?" you asked when you returned back to your phone.

Mirio sighed, "Look- I don't want to spill Tamaki's secrets but-" he debated for a second, "I'm pretty sure he likes you-"

"What?" you uttered in disbelief.

"I'm only telling you because you're my sister- I don't want you getting his hopes up if you are not interested. I also want you to tell me about this stuff-"

"I don't have to tell you stuff," you mumble. If you ended up dating Tamaki, it'd be unlikely you'd tell him.

He frowned, "I know, just be careful with him?"

"How do you even know he likes me?"

"He's just more comfortable with you," he said honestly, "Don't let him know I told you. He needs to do things on his own time. But with me gone, I don't know how I feel about you guys hanging out one-on-one when he likes you."

"Thanks for telling me, but I'm not going to do anything with him," you said, telling the lie, acting as if you hadn't kissed Tamaki just before he called.

"Good."

You hung up the call, Taking a deep breath before throwing your phone on your bed in excitement. You were Tamaki's first kiss! You made him flustered- which was easy but you did it in a different sense. All great signs. And even Mirio thought he liked you!

Tonight will sit with you forever. You kissed two people before, but Tamaki was easily better. You were over the moon about it.

Adding an extra pep to your step as you went on with your week.

"You seem extra giddy lately," Hado looked over at you as she sipped her boba.

"Huh?" you thought over your actions.

"You got a certain aura to you," she smiled, "Wait!" she gasped, "Did you meet a boy?"

"What?" you paled, "No, I wish!"

She frowned, "Then what is it?"

"The presentation at work is going well- I don't know," you shrugged off poorly, getting away from the topic.

That conversation was one you thought nothing much of. Moving on with your days as you waited for Mirio to come home and ruin your fun and alone time with Tamaki.

When he did finally get home, he was as annoying as ever.

Bothering you when you were just getting a drink from the fridge.

"Sis," Mirio called to you from the living room.

You peeped your head out, seeing him and Tamaki sitting in the living room. Tamaki looking at his hands in his lap rather than at you. "What?" you walked into the living room, stopping to stand next to where Tamaki was sitting.

Mirio's eyes flickered between you too before settling on you, "My coworker asked about you."

"What about?" you asked, sensing Mirio would talk for longer you took a seat on the armrest next to Tamaki. Letting your leg fall and rest next to his. You tried to not act happy that he didn't move away.

"He thinks you're cute," Mirio smiled, "He asked me for your number."

You furrowed your brows, "A guy asked you for my number and you're fine with it?"

Mirio shrugged, "He seems nice, but has only been nice, I think you should give it a try."

"I don't know," you shifted uncomfortably, knocking your legs in Tamaki's causing him to look up at you. His eyes were covered with uncertainty that went away as soon as he shifted to look back down. "I don't think I'm interested."

"Come on, Hado said you wanted a boyfriend-"

You rolled your eyes, of course, she'd snitch or try to set you up. "Yeah, one I actually know, not some random guy you deem fit."

"Please," Mirio frowned, "You didn't like the other person I mentioned. I don't want you to be single forever-"

"I won't be," you huffed.

"Just think about it?"

"Fine."

You walked out of the living room and locked yourself in your room. Deciding to not step foot out of it tonight so you didn't get bugged to date this random guy.

Mirio has always been weird about your dating life. Somehow you avoided the discussion in high school but when you started living and working together, he'd interrupt any conversation you had with a guy. Trying to see if they were good enough.

He even did it with Tamaki, he watched any interaction you had with him. When obviously Tamaki has more than proven himself, Mirio still watches. It's weird.

So when you heard a faint knock at your door at 3 in the morning, you slowly opened it, unsurprised to see Tamaki standing there. (Mirio never knocks and if he does it's loud.)

"What's up?" you asked softly as you let him in, closing the door behind him so Mirio didn't get weird somehow.

Tamaki fidgeted with his hands, avoiding looking at you, "Um- earlier, Mirio said you wanted a boyfriend?"

"Yeah?" you dragged out, moving to sit on your bed and get comfy.

"It's not- you wouldn't date the guy he suggested right?"

You shrugged lightly, "I don't know, I don't want him bugging me."

Tamaki's eyes met yours nervously, "Did the other night not-"

You jumped to your feet, grabbing his hands in yours, "It did. Don't worry, I just- I want more? Like a relationship."

"Oh," he swallowed nervously, brushing his thumb over yours as he watched your hands, "If you let me- I'd want to be more?"

The feelings rushing through you were forcing a smile to your face, "Yeah?"

He looked up, "Yeah, will you-," he whispered an 'oh my god' as he choked over his words briefly, "Will you go on date with me?"

"Will I get another kiss?" you flirted, leaning into his body slightly.

His face shot bright red- "oh-um-I don't know."

"Time will tell then," you dismissed the topic, not wanting him to feel like there was an expectation.

Tamaki looked toward the door, "I should," he pointed to the door.

"That's probably for the best, you have my number so text me," you smiled at him. He gave a short nod before awkwardly leaving the room.

Him asking you out shocked you. Sure, Mirio told you he thought Tamaki liked you, but it was never confirmed. While you wanted to kill Hado for telling your brother you wanted a boyfriend, you are so fucking glad she did.

Because now, a week later, you were at ramen with him.

Fussing over work topics like normal before you started to get to know each other a little bit more. The last time you shared dinner felt like a practice date, so you're glad this one was similar. He mainly let you talk, but he shared his opinions and answered any questions. Asking his fair share of questions as well.

Even he ended the date by walking you home.

"I can't believe you haven't seen any of the hero movies from America," you feigned shock as you walked the hallway to the door of your apartment.

"Aren't they all just reenactments of actual heroes?"

"Well yeah- but they are still cool. You have to watch them with me," you stopped in front of the door, "It'll be our next date?"

His face brightened for a moment, previously filled with nerves since you left the restaurant. "If you want to- I have a nice TV," he indirectly invited you to his apartment.

"So," you rocked on your heels, waiting out the minutes before you had to go into you're apartment, "How should we end this one?"

Tamaki's eyes flashed to your lips, then to the door and back again, "You're not worried?"

"Mh, not really," you swayed into him, you've been waiting to kiss him again since you kissed the first time.

He gulped, "I don't know what I'm doing-"

"Tamaki," you spoke softly, "Just do what feels right."

His eyes flickered away for a moment before he settled back on you. "I want to," he confirmed. You only nodded again to give him the full go-ahead. Seeing him lean in slightly before you moved to meet him halfway. Missing his lips slightly with a small giggle, before he could pull away with embarrassment, you softly moved your hands to his cheeks. Directing his face to kiss his lips properly with yours this time.

You felt him smile into the kiss, your hands falling onto his shoulders and feel him relax in your hold.

"Okay," you whispered after pulling away, "I should get inside."

"Mhm," he hummed deeply.

"I'll see you soon, right?" You twisted the door handle.

"Yeah," his voice was deeper than before, his eyes more lidded. Clearly absorbed into the kiss you just shared.

"Okay," you giggled lightly, "goodnight.

"Goodnight."

Shutting that door behind you was difficult, a permanent smile smeared across your face. The budding relationship was good, and you could tell it'd stay that way.

"How was your date?"

You jumped, turning away from the door, "Jesus- Mirio you can't do that," you placed your hand on your heart.

"How was it?" he laughed off your scare.

"Good, he's super sweet," you said, giving your honest opinion, "I know I haven't been on many dates, but that's a permanent favorite."

Mirio smiled, "I'm glad, when do I get to meet him?"

You fumbled your words, forgetting you lied for a moment, "I don't know, I really just want the relationship to be between me and him for a while. Plus, I don't think he's ready for you to know."

"What? Why?" he asked, as if distraught.

"You're intimidating," you laughed, "you're not just number five hero for nothing."

"Is that why he's scared?"

You shrugged, "I haven't asked much."

"What's his name?"

"Aoto," you shot out a random name.

"His job?"

"He's a pro too."

"Great! Have I met him?"

"Maybe once or twice," you smiled as you turned away.

He stopped after too many questions. He did this after every single date you went on, and you went on many. Bingeing American movies between restaurant dates, and soon enough you were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

Mirio constantly mentioned it, once you told him. Especially in front of Tamaki.

"How's your boyfriend?" Mirio asked when you stepped into his hero office.

"Huh?" you asked, sharing a look with Tamaki.

"We were talking relationships," Mirio stated as if that helped clear the question.

"He's good, I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him today," you took a seat next to Tamaki in the chairs Mirio had in his office.

"You have a date tonight right?" Mirio asked.

You rolled your eyes, "Yes, I've told you this."

Mirio ignored you, turning his attention to Tamaki, "You should get a girlfriend!"

"Huh?" Tamaki choked, ripping his eyes off you to look at Mirio.

"It'd be good for you to get out there."

"What's with you and setting people up?" you laughed at Mirio. The second he didn't have to pester you to date, he went to bug Tamaki.

"It'd be good for him," Mirio looked at you, turning to Tamaki, "Could help you get over some things."

"I- um actually," Tamaki shared a look with you, "I have a date tonight."

You panicked for a second, worried Mirio might connect things.

"Really?"

"I also- have a um- girlfriend-"

"What the fuck?" Mirio blinked in shock.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you- I was just trying to make sure things were actually happening," Tamaki blurted apologetically.

"It's fine- just wow," Mirio laughed, "I'm happy for you- I thought you liked someone else."

You smiled, knowing the meaning and knowing that it was true.

Mirio stopped torturing you guys like that after a while, letting your relationship together progress naturally all under his nose.

Even when Tamaki would come over, you'd get small moments alone together.

That was especially nice on the rough days.

With Mirio busy showering, you answered the door. Smiling softly at Tamaki's slightly surprised face.

"Hey," you mumbled, stepping slightly so he could come inside.

He furrowed his brows, "What's wrong?"

You looked over your shoulder, checking to see if Mirio somehow left the bathroom without you hearing. With the coast clear, you stepped into Tamaki's space, softly closing the door behind you to give an extra layer of privacy. Before you stretched your arms out for a hug, instantly pulled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

"What happened?" he rested his chin on your head, squeezing you a little tighter.

"Just," you sighed out, "A bad day, no real reason." You answered truthfully, it was just an exhausting day.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, rubbing your back.

"It's fine," you buried your face into his shoulder, taking in the small smell of his cologne and smiling at the blush creeping up his neck. "How late are you staying tonight?" you asked.

"Not sure- why," he answered quietly.

"Well, I'd love to call you tonight before bed," you looked up at him, the two of you often called before going to sleep. You both shared a horrid sleeping schedule so you were able to call free of interruptions. Mainly sitting in silence and enjoying the presence of the other. And tonight was a night where you felt like you needed that.

"I'll be home before you go to sleep," Tamaki confirmed your plans instantly, clearly loving your routine together.

"Thank you," you mumbled, snuggled back into him, "I hate that you're so close but so far."

"I'm sorry," his shoulders slumped, clearly feeling guilty.

"Not your fault," you pulled back, looking up at him.

"I know," he mumbled sadly, looking down at you, "Just- I wish I didn't put you through this.

You shook your head, "it's worth it."

He looked at you softly, eyes practically shining as he looked at you, briefly falling to your lips before shooting back up to your eyes.

"Kiss?" you asked, sensing his idea that you knew he would be too embarrassed to ask. You did this each time, and it shocked him every time.

He nodded lightly, bending his head down to yours.

Giving you a light peck before you asked for more. Laying a light peck into a kiss into another kiss. Slowly kissing him over and over until you were softly making out against your apartment door, for the first time as well.

Your knees were weak as you moved your hands to rest on the back of his neck, keeping him close as the blood was rushing to your head.

The distinct background noise of your water pipe stopped, cluing you in that Mirio was done showering, so you pulled away.

"You should get inside before he asks questions," you smiled as you pulled away.

"Mhm," he nodded, face entirely flushed.

You ushered him inside, going into the kitchen while he made himself comfy on the couch, acting as if nothing happened, even though his entire face was painted red.

"You good Tamaki?" Mirio asked when he saw Tamaki's flushed expression.

"Uh- Yeah."

"You sure?"

Tamaki's eyes flashed to you for a second before he looked down.

"Do you not want her to hear?" Mirio pointed at you.

"No! No- it's not that- just um- my girlfriend just- um-"

"Ohhh," Mirio wiggled his eyebrows.

You poured yourself a drink as you watched Tamaki cover his face with a pillow. "Mirio, leave em alone," you laughed.

"I wanna know what she did, don't you?"

Tamaki just kept himself under the pillow, clearly miserable. "Probably just texted him that she loved him or something," you shrugged, trying to cover for him, and not wanting Mirio to question about it.

"Aw! Did she?" Mirio swooned.

The pillow was finally dropped from his face when he gave Mirio a nod, "Can we switch topics now?"

And switched topics they did. You went to your room and busied yourself, pretending that the hallway to your apartment didn't just become your favorite space, until Tamaki called and the two of you fell asleep together.

Small moments like that opened your attraction to him to a new light. Tamaki was truly always there for you. Any time you were upset, he kicked himself out of his anxious habits and helped you, it was truly the hero in him.

The two of you have always been close. With Mirio no longer supervising you hanging out, you were able to get even closer together and it meant the world to you.

You've always been curious about the type of person Tamaki was, and Mirio did not lie in the slightest. Tamaki was the most kind-hearted person you've ever met.

The interactions between friends made it obvious you were dating, but apparently everyone was blind.

"I can't believe you had a crush on All Might!" you shook with laughter after weakly slapping Hado.

She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink, "Shouldn't be surprising, I mean look at Mirio."

"Still! He's like 80," you cringed playfully, feeling the alcohol from the night buzzing under your skin.

Mirio was laughing next to Hado, poking fun along with you.

"Well you liked Hawks," Hado pointed at you with a slight blush on her face.

You paled, "This isn't about me!"

"You always go on about how confident and hot he is," Hado added to your secret.

Tamaki shifted in his seat next to you.

"He's only like four years older than us," you huffed, "Unlike All Might."

"I only liked young All Might, not him now," Hado frowned.

You let out a laugh, moving yourself to get comfortable in your seat on the couch, "Still, he's ancient."

The group of you have been drinking since you got off work, supposed to have a movie night at Hado's but it just turned into talking, something all of you need. Just getting your minds away from your hero work and acting like teenagers again.

Mirio and Hado shared the loveseat while you and Tamaki shared the bigger couch yet shared the same space. You curled next to the armrest so you could talk closer to Hado and Tamaki was in the middle seat, with no care as your shin rested against his thigh. Even though Mirio gave him an odd look. Yet you were too into the conversation to care.

"So you wouldn't bang young All Might?" Hado asked you with her brow raised.

"No!" you laughed loudly.

"He's basically like Hawks though," she pouted at the fact you couldn't see her side, "just a lot more buff."

You looked at your brother who was just staring at Hado as if she said something magical, "You're just gonna let her talk about banging other dudes?"

Mirio shrugged, "Everyone has thoughts, she's not going to do anything. Plus it was a thing of the past."

"Yeah," Hado gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, you cringed for a moment. "But you like Hawks, do you just like them more confident?"

You shrugged, "I don't know? He just is easy to talk to."

"Oh my god! I forgot you talked to him," she gasped.

"What?" Mirio's eyes snapped to you.

"Not like that-"

"Yes like that," Hado interrupted you, "He gave you his number!"

"What-" Tamaki uttered quietly next to you.

Your eyes flickered to him for a second, "Like two years ago. He gave it to me for work."

"Yeah, that's why he used his personal number," Hado teased, "Do you still have it? Are you dating him?"

Your eyes just about popped out of your head, "No! I am not dating him!"

"So you still have his number?"

"I mean- yeah, I don't use it thought," you shrugged, suddenly feeling guilty even though you genuinely forgot you even had his number.

"You should so text him," Hado clapped her hands enthusiastically.

"I have a boyfriend," you said appalled, wanting to throw up at the idea of what Tamaki was thinking right now.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him! Come on you should see if he kept it," Hado inched closer to you, eyes bright with ideas.

You looked at Mirio for help, "I hope you don't think that way for your relationship."

Hado blinked, "Of course not. I've been with Mirio for ages though. You're relationship hardly seems serious. I mean, none of us have met him and your dad hasn't either."

Guilt was all that was on your mind, "It is serious, I like him a lot."

"But you don't love him," Hado pointed out, "It's obvious you're not proud of it, you'd be proud of Hawks though."

This was getting on your nerves, all the alcohol fading from your senses. You looked away for a moment, trying to ease your emotions and locking your eyes with Tamaki. He wouldn't even look at you.

"Got it!" Hado cheered next to you, typing in your phone like it was hers.

"Hado!"

"I texted him!"

Your heart dropped, "What the fuck."

"Come on, it isn't that serious," Mirio said, seeing how your entire mood vanished.

You snatched your phone from her hands and saw the message on the screen.

     Hey, how you been?

Sent to Hawks.

You looked at Tamaki, he just had a blank reaction on his face.

"Hado!" you snapped your head to her, "That is not okay to do!"

"It's fine," Hado tried to calm you down, "You can just tell your boyfriend that I did it. He has to understand celebrity crushes."

"Trust me, he'll know you did it. Doesn't make it okay."

"Every guy has crushes, he'll understand," Hado smiled at you, rolling her eyes at your reaction.

"Yeah, but he isn't making moves on them," you glared.

"He would if he could," she shrugged. You didn't even know how to take that statement but before you could process it, she turned to Tamaki, "You have a celebrity crush right?"

"What- why does that matter- I don't-"

"Trying to prove a point, you liked Mt. Lady a little bit right?"

"I- um- I guess, but not anymore- I have a-"

"A girlfriend I know," she cut him off again, turning to you, "See, everyone has crushes."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they have their crush's number in their phone," you shot back.

"Anyway!" Mirio called out loudly, not likely the argument that was coming up, "It's getting late, you guys should head home."

You huffed, glaring at Hado and your brother, "Gladly." You got up and Tamaki followed slowly behind.

Mirio waved you two out, not even saying anything but giving a sad smile towards you.

When you got the the elevator, safe from other ears, you turned to Tamaki, "I am so sorry-"

"It's fine," he mumbled, looking down at his feet, "I don't want to talk about it."

The usual fumble of his words was gone, too into his head already to care how he spoke.

"I swear Tamaki-"

"I know," he glanced at you, giving you a reassuring smile that hardly helped.

Even when he walked you to your door, he just left. Not staying the night like it was planned.

Things were officially worse than you thought.

Before you even got to go to bed, your phone buzzed.

     Great, now that you texted. Long time no talk, missing me? ;)

Just when things couldn't get worse, Hawks just had to text.

You deleted the chats before talking a shower to sleep. Texting Tamaki that you were sorry once again. Talking about previous crushes was already weird to talk about in his presence, but to actually text them was horrid.

Through the next couple days, you tried to reach out to Tamaki, getting ignored for the most part. He even refused to come over, which had Mirio thinking he was sick.

Yet when you softly knocked on his office, you were greeted with his clearly healthy, if not tired, face when you stepped inside.

He kept his eyes on his desk as spoke, "Sorry, I was just finishing this project up-," when he looked up his eyes widened as he whispered your name.

"Hey," you closed the door softly, walking up to his desk and standing on the opposite side from him, crossing your arms so you didn't mess with your hands, "Mirio thinks you're sick."

His eyes fell in shame, "Sorry."

"I'm not mad at you," you uncrossed your arms, "Just worried. You haven't been talking to me- you haven't even stopped by since."

He looked like a wreck in all the ways that were only noticeable to you. His eyes were more tired than normal, dark circles giving clear evidence of how little sleep he got. The normal hero suit he had on had rips over the cape, him clearly not caring enough to replace it. One thing that was good about his quirk, is that it forced him to eat, so you didn't have to worry in that regard.

"I know," he looked up at you, shoulders slouched and head still down, barely making eye contact through his bangs. "Everything just became a lot."

"Do you not want to anymore?" you shifted how you were standing, trying to prepare yourself for what he'd say next.

"No- I mean- I want to continue dating- just- I don't know," he groaned in frustration over how he fumbled his words, "Are you serious about me?"

Hado saying your relationship wasn't serious, was the biggest lie you ever heard, so for it to be effecting Tamaki, made you feel horrible. "I am, very," you nodded aggressively, "Tamaki, you mean the world to me."

His eyes stayed on the papers that lay on his desk, "So you're proud of us?"

"Of course," you basically pleaded, grabbing his hands over the desk that lay clenched at his sides, "Very, I'd show you off if I could."

"Hm," he squeezed your hands back.

"I mean it," you tugged on his hands lightly, making him look you in the eye.

"Can I-" he paused, gathering the courage, "Can I meet your dad?"

"Huh? You've met him before?" you tilted your head.

"No- I meant like, as your" he looked down shyly again, whispering now, " your boyfriend."

"Oh," you smiled, "Oh course, he'd love you."

"Are you sure?" he looked back up at you.

"He already does, he'd just be happier," you confirmed, "he always wanted us to end up together, believe it or not."

Tamaki's face flushed, "Oh. Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Don't worry, he won't tell Mirio," you reassured. Taking your hands out of his so you could place your stuff down. Taking your phone out of your pocket and placing it next to your purse on his desk.

You walked over to his side of the desk, wrapping him in a hug.

"I'm glad you want to meet him, in that way," you mumbled into him, "I'm sorry that this is the way your meeting him, though."

"Hm," Tamaki wrapped his arms around you, soaking in the comfort of your embrace after depriving himself of it for a week. .

"Nothing said that night was true," you wanted to clear up any insecurity that he could have from that night. Wanting him to have no reason to feel afraid.

He hugged you tighter, "Thank you."

You pulled back from the hug, placing a small kiss on his lips, surprising him. "I only have eyes for you."

The soft smile that traced his face made you feel like you fell in love with him all over again.

"So will you be coming over again?" you played with the hair at the base of his neck, arms still wrapped around each other.

He nodded softly, indigo hair fluffing out around your fingers. He was glowing in this light. The sun casting through the windows to highlight his features just right. You looked over him briefly, causing him to go red in the face and down his neck at you obviously checking him out.

"I haven't really seen you in your hero suit this close-up," you mentioned, taking in the way it highlighted his arms.

He shifted, "Yeah."

"Looks good," you looked up at him through your lashes.

Being away from him, if only for a week, made you more bold. "Yeah?" he practically melted at the compliment.

"Mhm," you hummed, leaning into your tip-toes so you could press your lips to his.

Softly connecting your lips as if you were reminding yourself what they felt like. Humming softly against him in the process.

You were getting worked up just at the feeling of him, stepping closing into his as you tilted your head to the side, anything to get closer.

The back of his knees hit his chair lightly, wheeling it back slightly before he moved his arm to catch it before it got too far. Wheeling it back under him so he could sit, taking you with him without breaking the kiss, sitting you in his lap.

His confidence had you reeling, hands pulling his head back so you could deepen the kiss, trailing your tongue to meet his. His hands tracing over your waist to pull you closer. Goosebumps rising under your clothes at the action. He bit at your lip, the first time he's ever been so forward, a soft moan slipping from you in reaction.

"Tama," you uttered, breath lost and body lost in the feeling of the kiss, your hips rolling against his.

He stopped kissing you, eyes wide as he looked at you, hands holding your hips steady. "I don't-" he fumbled, "In my office?"

You were basically delirious with how he kissed you, dipping your head down so you could trail kisses down his neck, "Why," you faded out, "why not?"

"Someone could walk in," he tensed, but still tilting his head to give you better access.

"Doubt it," you mumbled, trailing back up to kiss his lips.

He groaned quietly, "Hm," he hummed, losing all the fight he had as you licked into his mouth. Losing the grip he had on your hips, letting you free as he moved his hands up and down your waist.

Every time you had made out before this, he was always so hesitant. You were almost thankful for the actions of Hado that made this happen.

Taking his spike of confidence and shifting your hands from his hair to his arms. Getting a whine of disagreement before you squeezed at his biceps. Trailing down to hike his hands up higher, right underneath the wire of your bra.

You let your hands work back up his arms, weaving one into his hair and the other on his pec. Pulling on his hair just like he liked while appreciating his body at the same time. This was the closest you've gotten after all.

His hands stayed where you placed them for a moment, only moving after you ground your hips down into his again. His confidence was high when a moan a surprise left your lips. You didn't expect him to actually do it, just mainly hoped after you offered.

He palmed at your tits while you kissed him sloppily, mind drunk off him with hardly anything being given. It was just what he did to you. Sometimes you felt stupid around him with how he made you feel. You could only imagine how brain-dead you'd be around him when you actually fucked.

You've only wanted this since you knew what it was.

You wanted to savor it all, every shaky breath he let out, and every squeeze of his hands. Even if he stopped here, you'd die happy.

Makeouts that lead nowhere lit a fire under you, and that's how each makeout with him has gone. You could be kissing for hours without noticing the passing of time. However slow this relationship was, you'd be happy to match its pace.

You pulled apart, needing the slightest bit of air but gaining none. Losing your breath just at the sight of him. Lips red and plush, hair messier than usual, heavy breaths rising his chest under your hand while his eyes were locked on his hands that laid on your chest.

His eyes flickered up to meet your eyes, his hands slowing their movement to just lay over your tits.

"What?" he husked out, eyes lidding.

You smiled down at him, "You're so fuckin hot."

His face was red before but it went brighter at your comment, "I- oh."

You wanted to frown at the lost in his confidence but you didn't want to make it worse.

His eyes shot to his door, "I think we should- um- cool it."

"Okay," you mumbled, kissing him lightly as you got up from his lap, leaning on the edge of his desk instead while you tried not to notice the tent in his pants.

He wheeled the chair closer, looking up at you before shyly looking down, "Sorry."

"It's fine," you said honestly, smoothing his hair down.

He moved his chair closer, letting his head rest on your stomach while you ran your hands through his hair softly. His hands reached for the back of your thighs, massaging them slightly. "I know you want more-"

"Tama," you moved your hands to his jaw, guiding him to look up at you, "It's okay, I promise. You're all I need."

"Okay," he mumbled, looking back down. You were standing between his legs as he messed with the fabric of your outfit.

Your phone buzzed next to you. Both your attentions' turned to the message displayed on the screen.

     You drunk text me didnt u? Too shocked that I replied?

Hawks double texting you was not even an idea you thought possible.

"Did you- did you text him more?" Tamaki eyed you, sitting normally in his chair now, no longer touching you.

"No," you furrowed your eyebrows, "He double texted."

"Hawks?" he asked, doubting you.

"Yeah," you picked up your phone, offering to show him the texts.

"I don't want to be the person that has to look at your texts to prove something," he shook his head, voice unwavering as his eyes turned dim.

You frowned, "That's not what I was saying- I'm just going to tell him what happened."

"Tell him you had a crush on him?"

"No- not that- just that Hado texted him," you mumbled, shifting awkwardly at how upset Tamaki was.

"Hm."

You sighed, typing away a text-

     Sorry, my friend texted you when she was drunk

"I don't want Hawks," you tried to comfort.

Tamaki just sighed, turning to look out the window instead.

     Sure, sweety, why was I mentioned?

The boy in front of you ignored the sound of your phone.

     My friends stupid, thought it'd be funny if I flirted with you when I have a boyfriend.

You didn't want Hawks to get the slightest idea that you would want him back.

     Oh, wtf lol. Ur friend is weird as fuck for that

     I aint that guy

Letting out a sigh of relief caught Tamaki's attention.

"Hawks is officially out," you told him, even though that wasn't the entire issue.

Tamaki gave you an odd look, one you couldn't analyze the reason behind before you heard the door click open.

"Tamaki!" Mirio's voice cheered as he entered. Pausing when he saw you, "Sis?"

"Hi," you stood up and faced him, "Whatcha doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Mirio looked between you and Tamaki.

"You said he was sick, I was worried," you shrugged.

Mirio hummed, giving you another weird look before turning his attention to Tamaki, "You okay? You don't look too good."

"Hm?" Tamaki looked uninterest when he looked back at Mirio, it sent a pang to your heart.

"Did something happen?" Mirio looked between you two. The guilt you felt was probably written across your face.

"No, just a long day," Tamaki answered for you.

"Ah," Mirio nodded in understanding, "Bad time to tell you that we have patrol?"

"No," Tamaki shook his head, standing up and grabbing his visor, "Great timing."

"Oh good!" Mirio smiled, oblivious to the dig at you.

You scratched your arms awkwardly, not knowing what to do with yourself knowing you were no longer wanted.

Mirio smiled at you when you cleared your throat, about to make your exit. "Oh, Hado wants me to invite you to dinner, to apologize for the other night," he pleaded with his eyes for you to accept.

"Oh, um, I don't know Mirio," your eyes flashed to Tamaki. You were still upset with what she did. After all, the effects of it still haven't gone away.

"Tamaki, you should go too," Mirio smiled at him, "It'll be a little redo."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Come on guys, please?" Mirio put on his classic puppy eyes, basically forcing the two of you to say yes.

So even though you ended on bad terms earlier in the day, and have yet to talk about any of it, you were sat next to each other for dinner.

Fidgeting with your straw as you listened to Hado nag at him. You felt horrible for him but you could hardly focus on the conversation as your head ran through what went down earlier.

"Come on," Hado begged, "You haven't told us anything!"

"I- I don't know," Tamaki shrunk in on himself. Sinking into his seat in the booth you guys shared. Tamaki barely agreed to this tonight, and now he was getting questioned.

"Guys-" you tried to help despite what happened earlier.

"Shush, you're next," Hado pointed at you, "Both of you haven't told us anything about your relationships."

"Not true," Tamaki mumbled into his collar, "I've told Mirio some stuff."

"Hardly," Mirio laughed as if this was all in good fun, ignoring your sharp glare, "You've just me some of your issues."

"Huh?" you turned your gaze to Tamaki, not believing he ran to your brother.

"No- Not like that, I haven't had any issues-"

"Come on Tamaki, it's okay to admit. Every couple has issues-"

"We haven't argued- I have no issues-"

"You struggle to tell her stuff, plus you clearly had issues with what you've told me," Mirio pointed out, shrugging as he laid back in his seat.

"No-"

"Just today you said that you're worried she's talking to someone else."

"What?" you paled, looking at Tamaki in shock.

Tamaki's eyes flashed to yours and back to Mirio's, "I- um."

Though frustrated, you didn't want to bring this up here. You tried to tell him earlier but apparently a longer conversation was needed.

"That and you can't fully connect with her because of how anxious you are," Mirio added on top of it all.

"Mirio," you hissed, "Knock it off, his business doesn't need to be exposed." You also didn't want to hear any more of it, not from him.

"It's hardly exposing-"

"You're being a dick, I don't care you're intentions," you glared.

Mirio shut his mouth and gave Tamaki a sad smile, turning his attention fully to you instead, "Well what about you?"

"Me?"

"How's your boyfriend? You never talk about him."

"You never talked about Hado?" you shot back, already upset.

Mirio shrugged, "I did, just not about our relationship. Come on, how is he?"

You rolled your eyes, "I'm not gonna be home tonight, I'm going to his place."

Tamaki let out a confused noise.

"You seem mad," Hado pointed out, concerned.

"Oh," you tried to calm yourself, "I'm just not sure he and I are on the same road right now."

Mirio and Hado both gave you a sad face as Tamaki looked at you as if he was terrified. As if he didn't already agree. He thought you were cheating, clearly you weren't on the same path.

"I'm sorry," Hado placed her hand on yours, " I hope I didn't have anything to do with it. I'm here for you if you need me."

"Huh?"

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Mirio asked softly.

"What? No," you huffed, "I'm going to go-"

"I'm sorry," Tamaki mumbled, shyly watching as you shuffled out of the booth.

You glance back at him, before talking to the group, "I'll see you guys later."

While you wanted to stay back and be there to make sure Tamaki wasn't questioned further, you couldn't stick around to hear anymore.

Your adrenalin was pumping as you walked to Tamaki's apartment. Hands tight around your sleeves as you paced the span of his hallway.

Everything that happened today was too much. First time you talked to your boyfriend in a week, then you kiss him, then your old crush texts you, and then he thinks you're cheating. You scoffed out loud.

"You okay?"

You spun to the sound of a voice, "Oh- Hi Kirishima," you smiled at the redhead.

"You seem upset?" he tilted his head like a puppy.

"I- Don't worry about it, I'm fine," you brushed him off.

"Did Amajiki upset you?"

You blinked at him for a second, forgetting briefly that just because those close to you didn't know, that didn't mean no one knew. Kirishima has seen you leave Tamaki's apartment many times and learned himself. After all, he was his neighbor. "Kind of- It's complicated."

Kirishima leaned into the wall next to him, "I'm free to talk to."

"Tamaki should be back soon, I don't want him to think I'm talking shit," you declined.

"Well besides Amajiki, how's life?" he smiled at you.

You smiled, "Well, I recently watched the anime you and Kaminari were ranting about."

"Really? Denki's here now, wanna come in to talk about it?"

Your eyes flashed to the elevator, "I'm not sure-"

"Bro what are you doing-" Kaminari's head popped out Kirishima's door, "Oh hey~"

You frowned, "Hey," you greeted, acknowledging the flirty tone.

"Didn't know you lived here," he pushed himself out of the doorway to smile at you.

"I don't, I was just visiting a friend," you denied.

"At eleven?" Kaminari tilted his head.

The elevator dinging caught your attention, seeing Tamaki anxiously walk towards you.

"We should let you be," Kirishima smiled at you, nudging his shoulder into Kaminari.

"Oh-," Kaminari basically had a lightbulb go off in his brain, "that type of friend," he whispered.

"Goodnight!" Kirishima waved before shutting his door.

You let out a breath, glad Kaminari wasn't flirting in front of Tamaki, it'd only make his suspicions worse. You turned to fully face him, "Hey-"

"You're not breaking up with me right?" Tamaki mumbled, pulling at his sleeves as his eyes shook when trying to make eye contact.

"What- No, I just think we need to talk," you motioned for his door. Leading him to quickly unlock his door and motion for you to enter.

"Do you need water? Food?"

"Tamaki," you called out, "It's fine, just sit,"

His eyes flickered to you as he turned to look at the ground again, dragging his feet before sitting on the couch, you following shortly behind.

"Tamak-"

"Can I say something first?" he rushed out, continuing after you gave him a nod, "Thank you for trying to get Mirio to stop. And I'm sorry."

"Tamaki," you grabbed his hands lightly, untangling his hands gently, "I'm not mad at you, I just want to know why?"

"Why?"

"Like- why did you tell Mirio but not me? He can't solve the problem," you frowned.

"I'm just worried," Tamaki looked down at your hands, "I'm surprised you even want me- so I wouldn't be surprised if you left me. Especially for him."

"Tama-"

"I don't think you'll cheat on me," he continued, "I just get insecure when you're talking to another guy."

"I didn't want to talk to him-"

"I know, I just- he's everything I'm not," he squeezed your hand lightly, still refusing eye contact, "I just don't wanna mess things up, and knowing he's my competition- I don't know. I don't want to mess things up by complaining."

"You know that's not what I want, right?" you questioned, "I don't want to date anyone but you. I need you to talk to me"

He sighed, peering up at you, "I know."

Taking advantage that he was already looking at you, you moved your hands away from his and cupped his face. "I want you for all your anxiousness, I want to know you, not whoever you think I want." You knew that Tamaki wasn't hiding everything, but just in case he was, you wanted to make sure he got your point.

"Okay," he mumbled.

"Who have I even been dating for the last four months?" you joked.

His eyes flashed with worry, "I haven't been hiding anything! I just- I just didn't want you to think I was dramatic."

"I know," you smiled, pulling him in for a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck lightly as you rested your head on his.

"Thank you again," he mumbled into your shoulder, "for making Mirio stop asking questions. It's embarrassing."

"Anytime. Just make sure to come to me next time, not my brother."

You truly meant that, because now at parties, when someone gets too close or makes him anxious, you made your way to his side and helped him sneak away. He came to you now, trusted you.

Which became difficult when Mirio was always watching. Pointing out how Tamaki always shifted closer to you in public. As if he was glued to your hip. Stating how, no matter where you stood, Tamaki always had his eyes on you.

"I don't think he ever got over his little crush," Mirio always said in response.

"I feel bad for his girlfriend," was also mumbled one night, right after Tamaki left.

"What do you mean?"

"Tamaki is all over you like he looks like he got a breath of fresh air just by looking at you."

It was comforting, Tamaki even called you his 'home' one time when you were watching TikTok, commenting on how he saw people compare their relationship to a safe place. Obviously he became embarrassed when he realized what he said.

Because even though you've dating for six months now, you've never said anything too lovey. You were trying to match his pace, not wanting to fluster him into saying it back. In that same spirit, when you spent that night at his, it was often spent on his couch, never entering his room.

"You can go into my room and grab a change of clothes if you need," Tamaki offered as he helped you take your rain-soaked coat off. The two of you having returned from your six-month anniversary date, a small thing Tamaki deemed necessary to celebrate.

"I need a shower," you mumbled, peeling off a wet sock.

"You can do that too," he mumbled, face bright red at the idea of you showering.

"It's fine, I can go home and shower," you mustered up a smile, "I don't wanna intrude."

He paused in his motions of taking off his own coat, just blinking at you instead, "Intrude?"

"Yeah."

"My home is your home, you know?" he spoke softly. You processed that slowly, turning to look at him fully. "I love you," he rushed out.

You laughed lightly at how sheepish he looked, "I love you too, Tama." You walked to him and squeezed him into a hug, getting grossed out quickly with how your clothes squished together, pulling apart with a quick kiss. "I needa shower, can you show me how it works? I remember you complaining that it's complicated."

He turned the shower on for you, gave you a towel, and took your drenched clothes to wash while you showered. Squeaking and talking high pitched when he entered the bathroom with you showering, even though you were fully hidden behind a curtain. So he placed your clothes and left as quickly as possible, saying he'd shower in the guest room.

With you all changed, surrounded by Tamaki, you padded around his room, taking in the surroundings he placed around everything. It was a very moody bedroom, filled with dark colors, but it was nice, and easy on the eyes. Calming.

"Are you done?" he knocked on his own bedroom door.

"Yeah, come in," you turned towards his voice. Soaking in the view of him freshly out of the shower. Sure you've seen him with wet hair just moments ago, but him being clean and at home, with you, changed the feel of it.

He pouted slightly, a permanent blush on his cheeks, "That shirt looks better on you than me."

You looked down with a smile, "You should let me keep it."

"If- if you want to," he fumbled for a second, padding over to you slowly. Reminding you to absorb all of this moment that you could. Him freshly showered, covered in a grey sweater hanging on him loosely, and blue plaid pajama pants doing the same. He walked past you and to his bed, laying on one side before he eyed you and then the spot next to him, "Do you wanna-"

You practically skipped into bed, jumping into it and halfway onto him as you hugged him. "I love you," you mumbled into his neck. Basically getting cuteness aggression with how he has been acting all night and how he looks right now.

"I um- I love you too," he hugged you back, arms awkwardly wrapped around you, stunned.

You placed a quick kiss on his neck before trailing upwards, kissing his jaw and then his lips. Emotions running on overdrive as you thought over tonight.

Not only had you shared a beautiful dinner at the same place you guys had your first date, but the two of you shared your first 'I love yous' it had you reeling through it all.

Tamaki was as shy as ever with the kiss, following all your movements as your tongue licked into his mouth. Tilting his head back slightly and gripping onto your hips, allowing you to climb over and straddle him.

Moaning ever so slightly when you bit at his lip.

Slotting yourself over his hips made you buzz, your hips rocking into his.

"Fuck," he whimpered. He helped you move your hips over his slightly. Running you perfectly over the length of him.

"Tama-" you pressed your lips to his again, breathless from the kiss and the movements, feeling him become hard under you.

"Do you wanna-"

"Yes," Tamaki cut you off, rocking his hips into yours slightly, already knowing exactly what you'd suggest even with it never discussed before, "Please."

You pulled away to look at him for a moment, having your hands tangle into his hair as you looked him over. His face was flushed, eyes screwed shut. "Why'd you stop?" he husked, his eyes now barely open, keeping them lidded as they were heavy with the situation.

"You're so fuckin hot," you mumbled in disbelief that you currently had him under you and wanting, finally doing something about it rather than all the times before.

He whined, moving his hand to trail up your back, pushing you into him again so he could reconnect your lips as you rutted your hips. Breaths heavy but hardly catching any air as you lost yourself in the feeling of him against you, panting against your mouth.

He was running himself perfectly over your clit, catching your moans in his mouth. You never thought it'd be possible to cum from this alone, but you were already climbing that hill fast. Just needing an extra push as you whined.

Tamaki moved back slightly voice shaky, "Are you close?"

"Just need a little more," you tightened your grip on his hair, pulling slightly.

"Can I touch you? Want you to cum," he asked, the words sounded so off, coming from his normally embarrassed self.

"Tama," you laughed lightly," of course you can, I'm literally dry-humping you right now-"

"Shush," he hushed, head falling into your shoulder with embarrassment. His hands trailed up, softly going over your waist until they were hovering over your chest. Gasping when he realized you weren't wearing a bra when he cupped your chest, "Oh my god."

He kissed your shoulder, biting lightly at your collarbone as his hand squeezed at your chest, his fingers meeting to pinch at your nipple. "Please Tama," you moaned, you were already so close.

So when he pulled back from your neck and just looked at you with his desperate expression, whispering, "I love you so much," your eyes rolled into the back of your head, shaking and falling apart on top of him, fully clothed. Seeing white.

"Oh my god," you felt boneless, letting yourself fully relax on him. You've never cum because of someone, never even got to the point.

"You okay?" he asked, his hands running up and down your back.

You laughed breathlessly, "Yes, more than good," you kissed his jaw before pushing yourself up to look at him.

Trailing your eyes to the still obvious tent in his pants, slightly bummed you didn't get him off. "What's wrong?" he shifted, anxious under your eyes.

"You didn't cum," you pouted.

"I- was I supposed to- I'm sorry-" he tensed.

"No," you squeezed his shoulders, "I just wanted you to." You moved your hands over his pecs and down to his abs, feeling him flex underneath.

"You don't have to," he bit back a groan when your nails scratched at his skin and slipped underneath his sweater.

"I know," you leaned back into him, kissing his jaw before moving to nip at his neck like he did to yours. Placing marks over the side of his neck while he whimpered, hands squeezing at your slides.

You kept your hands moving, tracing over his abs before slowly sliding under his pants and under his boxers. Feeling brave before you actually had your palm over him. You've only done this once before, all the way back in high school with some guy you hardly liked. Now you were scared you would freak him out.

Palming him gently before wrapping your hand around him. Biting your lip at the gasp that left his lips. His hips slightly rolling into your hand.

You moved away from him, moving your hands to peel his pants down so you could see him.

He jumped at your grip on his waistband, "wait-"

You paused, "You okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," you smiled at him, "Are you?"

"I- I am just- don't look at it," he mumbled, gripping onto your thighs.

"I kinda have to look at it babe," you moved your hands off his pants, "If you're not ready It's okay."

Tamaki frowned, "No- I want to- just, don't judge me?"

You furrowed your brows, "Never even thought of it."

"Okay- you can, be gentle," he stuttered, looking towards the ceiling.

You gave him a quick kiss on the lips, shuffling back and moving his pants just enough so you could see his dick. Whatever he didn't want you to look at was stupid, and impossible now. The length of him bobbed once you removed his pants, twitching as it laid on his pelvis.

"Don't stare," Tamaki shuffled under you, reminding you to move. Wrapping your hand around the base of him for a second, before moving back. A whine leaving his throat as he opened his eyes to see what you were doing, A sharp moan from deep in his throat left his lips when he saw you spit into your hands before wrapping your hand around him again.

Pumping the length of him slowly, letting both of you get a feel for it. He jerked up into your hold, hands squeezing at your thighs before he wrapped his hand around yours. Tighten your grip around him, guiding your hand.

"Just- just like that," his eyes fluttered shut, his hand moving off yours when you followed his motions. Adding your own touch by running your thumb over his tip everything you reached it. His breath hitching at every touch.

You were sure that the second you saw him in the light, that he'd be perfect.

His hands reached for your ass, pulling you closer until you had enough room to get him off between your thighs. Panting out moans. Eyes lidded and eyebrows pinched together as he watched you.

He moved to sit up for a second, resting on one elbow before using the other arm to pull his shirt off, throwing it to the side of the room before resting back on his elbows. Letting his hands grip at your hips.

"I love you so much," you cooed, anything he did was godly in your eyes. He was beautiful, letting a whiney breath of your name loose.

He opened his heavy-lidded eyes, locking eyes with you.

The look on him made you want to do anything he wanted. Running over his length with more passion.

"Fuck, I want you in me," you mumbled, looking down to appreciate how his muscles were tensing and untensing, chest heaving.

His eyes rolled back, slurring his words, "Can't say stuff like that."

"Mhm," you hummed, watching him roll his head back, hips pressing up to you, "I want you so bad, Tamaki."

He struggled to look at you again, the eye contact making him struggle to keep calm. Too many times he has thought about this exact situation. Probably since high school.

"I need you to come, baby," you spoke softly, you wanted to be the reason for his undoing.

He huffed, clearly in his head as he pushed his head into the pillow.

"Just let go," you whispered, your free hand falling between both your legs and lightly holding his balls, squeezing gently.

All air left his lungs, hips jolting up as he came. Thighs shaking under you. Cum coating over your hand as he silently came, mouth twitching as he worked through his high. Moaning loudly only after he stopped cuming, breathing heavily.

His hand grabbed at your wrist, pleading for you to stop with heavy breaths. You moved your not cum covered hand over his abs, coaxing him through the last waves of bliss.

He let out a shaky breath, "Fuck."

"You okay?" you smiled down at him.

His face was bright red as he nodded, "That's the hardest I've ever- you know."

Pride flowed through you. You leaned down to place a kiss on his lips before moving to get off him.

"Where you going?" he tightened his grip on your thighs.

"I need a rag or something," you laughed.

"Oh," he blushed, letting you get up to grab the towel you used earlier. Wiping off your hands before moving to go help him. "I can do it," he muttered, embarrassed as he grabbed the towel from you and cleaned himself off before throwing the towel to the side. Pulling his pants back up and reaching for you.

You stepped out of his reach, shifting uncomfortably, "I- uh, need a different part of shorts."

He blinked at you confused, looking down at your shorts, before shooting his eyes back up, "Oh- I- um, third drawer down," he pointed towards his dresser. Eyes following you as you padded over to it.

"Sorry," you mumbled as you pulled out the first thing you saw, just a plain black pair of boxers.

"What?" Tamaki moved to sit up right, "Why?"

"I just came in your boxers," you shot him a look, as if he was stupid. Turning so you could look at him as you pushed the sticky pair of shorts off and the new boxers on, already having cleaned yourself when you grabbed a towel from the bathroom.

You felt his eyes trail over your body as you changed. He could only see your thighs because of how his shirt fit you. Watching you carefully as you stepped into another pair of his shorts.

"I'm glad you did," he spoke without much thought.

"That I came in your pants?"

"I- no, well yes, but that you came," he fumbled over the words. Eyes following you as you came back to the bed, snuggling straight into his side.

You snorted at his words, "Of course you are."

"What do you mean?" his hand held your hip, letting you hook your leg over him as you laid your head on his chest. His other hand holding your thigh to him.

"Every guy is over the moon when they make a girl cum," you explained.

"It's not just that," Tamaki sighs, "I'm glad we did that cause it- it makes us closer."

"Aw," you chooed, moving your head to lay a kiss on his jaw, "If you're in love with me, just say it."

"I'm in love with you," he locked eyes with you while he said it, completely confident in his words.

You smiled hard, "I'm in love with you."

The phrases 'I love you' and 'I'm in love with you' were completely different to you. Both meaning completely different things than the other, you could be one without the other. You've explained this to him, so him saying it meant the world.

Emotions were high that night, as well as into the following morning. You were too comfy, cozied under his covers for the first time, ignoring the alarm blaring next to you.

You reached to turn it off, clumsily pressing the snooze button before scooting back into Tamaki. Content as he hugged you tighter to him, squeezing you. A laugh left you when you noticed his hand was tucked under your shirt and placed on your tit.

"Mh," he grumbled into your neck.

"Tama," you traced over his arm curled over your stomach.

"Hm?"

"You got work baby."

He stretched his legs out, only then realizing his hand placement, "sorry," he muttered, caring less because of how tired he was. Sitting upright before rubbing at his eyes, trying to wake up.

You turned to face him, rubbing a hand up and down his back to try and help wake him up.

He shrugged you off, "Gonna make me tired."

"Sorry," you laughed lightly, yawning a falling back into the pillow.

"Go back to sleep," he looked at you over his shoulder.

"Mhm," you hummed, looking over the muscles carved into his back. He patted your thigh before getting up to get ready. Your eyes followed him until they became too heavy, closing softly and letting you fall back asleep without the warmth of him.

He stepped around carefully, taking a shower in the guest room to avoid waking you. Tip-toeing around his room when he got back. Throwing on a random shirt and sweater, noticing the rain that was still going strong from last night. A random pair of sweats following his shirt. An outfit he just needed to wear too and from the office, where he'd change into his hero gear there.

A hand rubbing at your hips woke you up softly, along with his voice, "I gotta leave."

"No," you grumbled, grabbing lightly at his hand that laid on you.

"You can stay as long as you want, just text me when you leave," he smiled softly at your actions. Annoyed at the fact that he had to leave you.

"Okay," you murmured, "I love you."

"I love you," the comfort in those words lightened up his mood even more than it already was. You pouted your lips, indirectly asking for a kiss. Humming happily when he placed a light kiss on your lips, adding an extra kiss to your cheek for good luck as well.

"Be safe," you let go of his hand, looking up at him with tired eyes.

"I will," he smiled, reluctantly leaving you.

Mirio would not let Tamaki catch a break.

All throughout the work day and even into the evening when Tamaki went to your apartment.

"This is the first time I've seen you with a hickey," Mirio clapped Tamaki's shoulder.

You turned your eyes off the TV to look at the boys, their greeting was quiet at first but Mirio spoke loudly at that last sentence.

Tamaki's eyes caught yours before he looked at Mirio, tugging his collar up, "Mirio."

"Fine, fine," Mirio laughed, "Just glad to see you getting out of your shell."

"Hm."

"It's good to share that."

"Mirio," you cut in, "I don't need to hear about this."

"Jealous?"

"Hardly," you laughed, turning your head back to the TV.

"Sure," Mirio teased as they walked to join you in the living room.

"Projecting?" you raised a brow at him. He glared at you as he sat in his favorite chair, Tamaki sitting next to you.

The two softly talked about stuff you could care less about, focusing on the TV until their conversation interested you again.

"When will you guys just live together? She's over so often," Mirio groaned.

"You don't live with Hado," Tamaki mumbled.

"Cause I have a sister that's dragged along with me."

"Aye," you threw a pillow at him.

"Why don't you live with your boyfriend?" Mirio switched to you.

"Why are you always questioning my relationship?"

Mirio gave you a blank look before shrugging. Switching the topic to dinner while you left the room. Slightly hear Tamaki suggest food you liked instead of their interest. It was sweet.

He got along with your family so well, sometimes better than you. You were worried that when you finally owned up to your relationship, that'd it'd break the bonds.

One bond it wouldn't break was with your dad.

You called him before, telling him all about your boyfriend as things went on. Only now finally accepting an invite for dinner.

Stepping through the door was a huge step, giving Tamaki a reassuring look over your shoulder before calling out for your dad.

"In the kitchen," he called back. So you stepped slowly through your house, Tamaki always a couple steps back.

"You ready to meet him?" you peeked through the living so your dad could see you, Tamaki conveniently placed against a wall. Head hidden from the world.

"Of course," your dad cheered. You already knew how happy he was about this, but seeing it was nice.

You guestered for Tamaki, him peaking at you from under his hair. Taking a deep breath before stepping into view.

"Oh."

"Sorry," Tamaki squeaked out.

"Sorry?" your dad looked at him confused.

"For, um- dating her without your permission," Tamaki kept his head down.

You looked between the two, curious who this would go. The only words that could help Tamaki right now would be your dad's.

"I'm glad it's you, boy," your dad smiled brightly, clapping his hands on Tamaki's shoulders.

Tamaki raised his head, "You are?" Tamaki would never say it, but your dad was basically his dad. He looked up to him in all the ways a son looks at his father. His father died while he was young, so he found another in yours. So the validation meant the world.

"Yes," your dad laughed, pulling him into a bear hug, "hopefully you actually become my son now."

You laughed warmly, "See? Nothing bad, as I promised."

Your dad replied first, "I was worried it wouldn't be Tamaki, after all my work."

"Dad stop your matchmaking," you groaned, following after your dad when he returned back into the kitchen.

"You were right," Tamaki mumbled to you, shifting his attention back to your dad when asked a question.

"You still working your quirk?"

"Yeah."

"Great, made your favorites."

"Dad," you glared, "you didn't even know if it was him."

"My heart told me it was."

"And if it wasn't?"

"I'd hope the food would make you think about him," he hummed.

You groaned, sitting down in your seat. Mirio got his meddling from Dad, and it was obvious.

"What? Mirio might be oblivious to your crush but I could see it clear as day," your dad pointed a spoon at you two.

Tamaki flushed next to you, taking charge and shifting the conversation himself. Chatting with your dad while you just smiled and watched. Appreciating how all could be normal. How this could be how life was?

While you were fine keeping your relationship secret, it still took a toll on you whether you liked it or not. Hiding it from Mirio was hard. You wanted to be closer to Tamaki, say what you wanted, and share what you wanted.

All in time is what you kept telling yourself.

Tamaki stepped away for a moment, looking for something in Mirio's room that came up in conversation.

"He looks as if you hung the stars in the sky," your dad spoke softly.

"What?" you focused back in on the conversation.

He shrugged, "It's easy to tell he loves you."

You smiled softly.

"It's always been easy to tell, but only now you're willing to hear it," your dad sassed.

"Oh my god, I know- I was a little slow," you admitted with a laugh.

Tamaki easily blended back into the conversation when he came back.

Things were always easy with him.

The only thing that wasn't was hiding.

Just being next to him was risky, it felt as if Mirio knew.

You were just laying on Tamaki's couch, leg over his waist as he placed his laptop on your thigh, typing away at a work report. You comfortably scrolling through your phone. Ignoring Mirio's text and moving to the next video. Showing Tamaki all the funny ones.

"Do you know what I put here?" Tamaki pointed to a text on the screen.

You put your phone down, leaning into his space to get a closer look, "I think that's where you put the chemicals used," you said after a minute, "It's always difficult when they ask what the heroes did. Too much going on to focus."

Tamaki hummed, typing away what you said. Letting you relax back to how you were on his side.

His phone buzzed with a call, him reluctantly taking his eyes off the screen. "It's Mirio," he glanced at you, telling you to be quiet without words, "Hey?"

"Are you doing the work report right now?" Mirio asked eyes closed to the Facetime call. You wanted to laugh.

"Yeah, I'm almost done with it," Tamaki held his phone with one hand, scrolling through the work report with the other.

"Can I see it real quick? Page 7," Mirio begged, "I'm lost."

Tamaki scrolled to that point and flipped the camera without thinking, "Here."

"Is that your girlfriend's leg?"

"Huh?" Tamaki then noticed your leg. You wanted to laugh at the dumb action.

"I didn't know she was there, Hi!" Mirio called out.

Tamaki looked at you panicked, "She's asleep right now."

"Oh, sorry," Mirio laughed, "I got what I needed, I'll let you get back to her." The two hung up and Tamaki just looked at you in disbelief.

"I can't believe I'm so stupid," he groaned, smacking his hand over his eyes.

You laughed now, "It's nothing, now he knows you're not lying though."

Things like this happened often. Mirio almost finding out, but never quite. That or he'd make comments about it.

"You guys are always with your boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time, it's almost like you're dating each other," Mirio side-eyed you.

So you changed things up.

Saying you were with your boyfriend when you knew Tamaki would be with Mirio. Tamaki didn't do the same, he felt guilty for lying already.

But when push came to shove, all he did was lie.

You sat on his couch like normal, startled when you heard a knock on the door and Mirio's voice behind it, "Tamaki! I need a gym partner."

The two of you scrambled off each other, staring at the other for a plan.

"Tamaki! I'm coming in," and in Mirio's fashion, he walked through the door.

Years as a hero gave you quick reactions, so you activated your similar quirk and fell through the couch and the floor.

Mirio always came close to finding out. But the point was that he never did find out.

So you lived in a secret bliss. Enjoying each other company as best as you can.

Tamaki meant so much to you, that you'd give him your all. He was your top priority. Helping him after a long day's work, helping him clean any lasting wounds, and grabbing his ice pack. Always a shoulder for him if he needed it.

He was the same to you, you've called him crying and he'd drop anything to help you.

The relationship between the two of you was more than you've ever had before.

Sure you've dated people before, briefly for a couple of months a most. But here you were, working for seven months with Tamaki.

Imactacy between the two of you was insanely important, and not even on that level. He just always had to have a hand on you. A thigh pressed into yours. He just wanted to be close to you. It was the main way he showed you how much he loved you. And in turn, he loved whenever you complimented him. Practically glowing each time.

You found yourself glowing too, you would cringe if anyone else acted the way you did with him, but he just brought out that light in you.

He approached you on his bed, fresh from his shower. Going under the covers when you opened them for him. Nudging your legs apart so he could lay on you.

His head naturally falling on your chest, his arms wrapping under your waist and pulling you tighter to him.

"I love you," he muttered into your chest, moving to lay a single kiss on your skin, slightly exposed through a tank top.

You let one hand rest in his hair, the other rubbing up and down his bare back. Tracing the slight scars that you could see in the soft light of his room. "I love you too."

He pushed himself up, kissing you softly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," you kissed him again. You've been insanely busy for the past three weeks. Hero work getting hectic and the paperwork getting worse.

He hummed into your lips, slowly deepening the kiss. Taking charge all while taking your breath away. Working you through the kiss as his hands move to rub at your sides. Humming into the kiss when you arch into him.

His hand moving up to grab at your chest. A surprised hum leaving your lips, giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You've been in these shoes before. Making out, grabbing at each other, sighing breathlessly into the kiss. Yet he hardly took the lead. He's kissed you passionately before but never in his own bed or somewhere so intimate. You were always the one starting it.

With his hand busy on your chest, he moved his kisses down. Placing them down your jaw then trailing bites down your neck. Making you melt in his hold before he moved his hands down to the hem of your shirt, silently asking you to help him peel it off you.

His face beamed red yet he only took a second to buffer. Taking in the sight of your chest so up-close for the first time. He's seen you in a bra plenty, felt your tits quite a few times, but has never seen them.

Pushing the shock aside, he lifted his eyes to look at yours, as if you'd back down now, before peppering kisses along your chest, whispering, "I love you."

You squeezed at his shoulders when he finally touched his lips to your nipple. Digging your nails slightly into his skin when his hand trailed down the path of your stomach.

"Please," you asked breathily before he could ask.

His hand twitched slightly in hesitation, unsure of his actions before you rolled your hips up the best you could, trying to get any of his touch. Letting out a breathy sigh of his own before he cupped the shape of you through your shorts.

Slowly grinding his hand into you, letting his fingers circle slightly over where you needed him most.

Despite how much you wanted to beg him to hurry, you knew he'd need his time.

His lips left you tit and trailed back up to kiss at your neck. Calming himself down with heavy breaths against you. Gaining the confidence to lift his hand and slip underneath your shorts and underwear. Sighing when he touched the warmth of you, "You're wet."

"Obviously," you softly laughed, rolling your hips into his hand.

He lifted his head to look at you, once again for permission. As if you read his mind, you left your hips, sliding your shorts and panties off your ass. Letting him trail them the rest of the way off your thighs and across the room.

His eyes fell to your face first, always ever so aware of you, before they fell to the space between your legs. His hands squeezed at your thighs, letting himself fall back into the moment and not get stuck in the shock that this was actually happening.

Falling down to kiss you passionately, fueled by everything between you too. He let his hands take charge of the moment, his fingers parting you open so he could run a perfect circle over your clit. Swallowing any gasp you made.

"Where'd you learn that?" you asked breathless. You expected him to be a fumbling mess, unsure and questioning. But he wasn't.

"I- um," you felt the heat radiating off his face, "porn."

You smiled, "Studied?"

"For you," he hummed, kissing you once again and letting the moment continue without many words.

Soaking in all your slight jolts of pleasure as he coaxed you higher. Only dipping his fingers further when he knew you were worked up. Somehow he knew just what to do.

Teasing ever so slightly at your entrance and barely letting his fingers inside, his tongue copying all the movements in your mouth. He only stopped his teasing when you bit his tongue. Letting his fingers sink into you and build up a steady pace.

"Oh my god," you whispered into his mouth.

You've fingered yourself before obviously. But his hand? His presences? Changed everything. All your senses were surrounded by him. You could taste him, smell him, feel him, hear him, and see him. Kissing became impossible to focus on, changing your attention to breathing. Your eyes locking onto the ceiling as you tried to take in the motion of his fingers.

"You okay?" he asked softly into your neck.

Your hands found their spots on his shoulder and the nape of his neck. "Yes, god yes," you whine, because not only was he fingering you, but now he was rubbing at your clit and kissing at your neck.

He was already confident in his actions, otherwise, he never would have started anything, but your sounds spurred him on and it was obvious. He was kissing your neck rougher, being slightly more passionate with his fingers, no longer unsure if their method would work. Rutting into your thigh to help him in any way possible.

The soft sounds you were making made him crave more, wanting you to reach the same peak you had all those nights ago.

Slightly changing the spot his fingers were hitting made you arch slightly, forcing your body closer to his. "Right fucking there, please," you begged, pulling on the ends of his hair.

He followed your hands and stopped hiding in your neck, making eye contact. The look in his eyes had you forcing yours shut. Cumming so unexpectedly fast. Thighs clamping shut as he tried to work you through it all. All you could think about was that look as you came. He was practically begging for you to cum with his eyes all while saying he loved you. It threw you for a loop.

A soft kiss at your lips and his hands retreated had you blinking your eyes open.

"You okay?"

"I love you," you cupped his cheek softly, pulling him in for a sweet kiss.

He laughed lightly against your mouth, "Not only for that, right?"

"Course not," you smiled, kissing him into another kiss.

That night ended in that light, just taking in the step closer the two of you were.

Your relationship was progressing extremely well in all aspects. Because of course, Tamaki was still shy with you, but over the past 8 months, the two of you were closer than ever. He'd tell you anything, and you'd tell him anything. It was a sappy relationship held behind closed doors.

But since that night, you're relationship took another turn and became a lot more sexual. Throwing out random sexual comments casually, mainly you, but sometimes he did too. No matter where you were it was horrible.

"Just sit down girl," Hado laughed at how you were fumbling around drunk.

"Yeah, just come sit on it," Tamaki suggested in a tone, the same tone he said all his other sexual jokes.

"Want me to?" you shot back and he shut up. You were glad only Hado was in the room and just laughed drunkenly.

Another time though-

"Yeah suck it Tamaki!" you cheered, finally having beaten him at a stupid arcade.

"Nah, that's your job."

"Tamaki!" you slapped at his arm and he went beat red, only then realizing what he said and who they were near.

Other than jokes, there were casual discussions about sexual stuff.

"Thanks for dinner," you kissed Tamaki's shoulder, hand rubbing at his back before you moved to hop on the counter next to him. Sitting next to the sink as he washed the dishes you just ate off, refusing to let you do it. "I'm still surprised you're such a good cook," you crossed your legs as you watched him.

"It's mainly because of my quirk, I need to constantly eat and it needs to be useful," he shrugged, moving a clean dish onto the drying rack.

"Makes you a great boyfriend," you watched as he fumbled washing silver wear at your words. "Speaking of your quirk-"

He shot you a glare, "If you're going to ask about tentacles-"

"No," you laughed, knowing how he's had many fangirls mention it to him, even his friends did. "Like how does it work?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like is it anything you eat? Does it need certain components?"

"I think it's anything I eat."

"Is there a time on it?"

"I can do it instantly but once it's out, then it's used up."

"Wait so anything?" you backtracked, a random idea popping in your head.

He eyed you under his bangs, "Yeah?"

"So like," Tamaki stood up straight to look at you, resting his hands on the edge of the sink, waiting for you to spill whatever you were plotting, "If we kissed?"

He shook his head, "I don't think so, I'd need more than just spit. Plus I wouldn't be able to ingest enough."

The way he was answering seriously made you want to laugh, "but you've never tried?"

"Obviously," he sassed.

"Want to?"

He blinked at you for a moment, "Make out?"

"Yeah, so you can try it."

"I don't think it'll work-"

"You could always just eat me out and find out what happens that way," you spoke bluntly, not a thought behind it.

"I- what?" he stood up completely straight, no longer leaning on the counter. Face completely red.

You laughed at his reaction, "I didn't mean to say that aloud. Yet it could work."

He's never eaten you out before. So far your relationship was just making out, grinding, and hand jobs.

"Do- do you want me to?" he shifted his footing, eyes looking you up and down.

Your humor ran dry at the idea, "I mean- yeah. To test the theory."

"Sure," he rolled his eyes, moving to stand between your legs, crowding you on the counter.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in for a kiss.

Likely the sloppiest kiss the two of you've shared.

Mouths parting open quickly, hardly warming into the action. As if the idea of eating you out got the both of you excited.

Breath ran out quickly, you gasping and pulling away for a breather, "so?"

"Huh?"

"Anything?"

"No- I don't think it works like that-"

You slouched in disappointment, "lame." You shifted to hop off the counter.

"What are you doing?" Tamaki grabbed at your hip, stilling you.

"I'm getting down? Might as well watch a movie before it's too late."

He blinked at you, "Did you seriously think the only reason I'd-um- eat you out is cause of a theory?"

"Well, I was joking," you blushed, "You don't have to."

"I want to," he kneaded at your hips.

"Oh," you muttered, shocked for no huge reason.

"Can I?"

You nodded dumbly.

Getting pressed into another passionate kiss. His hands pulling you into him slowly. Getting your hips to hit his. Shocking you with how he was already hard, likely more into this than you are.

He always seemed more focused on you during these moments than himself. And when you did light attention on him, he struggled, staying stuck in his head. But when it was you, he was fine. Likely throwing himself into the moment as he did during hero work.

Yet unlike hero work, he was kissing down your neck, pushing you backward to lay flat on the counter. His movements were slow and planned out, yet to you it rushed from 0 to 100 real quick.

His fingers slipping under the hem of your shorts and panties, peeling them off you easily with how you were laying. Leg crossed round his back, ass hanging off the counter, and back laid flat. Only arching into him when you felt his hands move to circle your clit.

"Oh my god," you moved your arms to rest on your elbows, watching the show he was giving you.

He moved his arms to hook under your legs, crouching down so he could be face-to-face with you.

The quick look up he gave you, a look for consent, had you pleading, "Please." You reached a hand out to cup his cheek. Letting him lean into your touch before he made his own move, your hand going to tangle in his hair.

Feeling a puff of warm air on your clit before your shut your eyes closed. Shivering at the feeling of the tip of his tongue circling your clit.

He surprised you each day with the things he did, especially in this category. He'd fumble for maybe a minute, but the second you gasped, he followed it. Taking every twitch into notes to work you up incredibly quick.

Lapping at your slit softly before sucking your clit slightly. Even moaning into you.

"Tama," you said breathlessly, pulling his hair and him closer.

His hands squeezing at your thighs, helping them close around his head as you softly rocked into him, gasping at each heavy lick into you.

How sloppy he was being was shocking, leaving your mouth open as you tried to catch up with the feeling.

Feeling like it was too far away to catch, too close to your peak before he made you crash right back down, and hard. The lights in the room going white as you felt like you've discovered a new type of light.

His hands kneading at your thighs and sides when he stood back up, trying to help you calm back down. Leaving you to blink yourself awake before smiling blissfully.

"Oh my god," you laughed breathlessly, "I've never came that quick." Tamaki gave you a shy smile before you continued, "I'm shocked."

He shrugged, "I expected it, with how you-um- like getting touched- you know."

"How I like getting fingered?"

"Yeah- that," he looked away.

"Damn," you went limp into the counter, "Still, didn't know it'd be that good. You need to try it."

"Huh?"

You blushed from having to say it, "Like, you need to let me give you head. Mind-blowing experience."

His face turned bright red as he handed you your shorts. "My quirk doesn't work, by the way," he switched topics.

Grabbing the shorts from him and slipping them on, you looked at him weirdly, "What?"

"From- um- eating you out? You wanted to test it but it doesn't work."

"Oh," you blinked, "I forgot about that."

The two of you moved on from that conversation quickly. It was obvious he wasn't ready to take another step on his side, and that was okay. You'd get there when you get there.

On a different note.

He was progressing in his comfort with other things more.

Sitting closer to you in public, letting his eyes rest on you more, and engaging in conversation with you in public normally as well.

There was hardly any change in his personality from public to private with you anymore.

He stayed consistent and it helped the relationship grow a lot more.

Being able to actually talk with him in your own home was a comfort as well. It eased the stress of it all.

You could care less who found out at this point. Tamaki was the highest priority for you after a year of dating.  He was your first everything and maybe it was dumb, but you hoped he was your last.

The relationship was so comfortable.

And he showed signs he felt just the same.

Having gone in a slight couple's costumes for Halloween with you. Ignoring the questions raised.

Unfortunately, your costume had an incredibly short skirt. So when you leaned off your chair to grab something from the coffee table in front of you, your skirt lifted. Giving Tamaki and the other guy leaning back in the chair a clear view of your panties. So without a thought, Tamaki moved his hand to pull your skirt down, settling for blocking the view with his hand when he couldn't get your skirt down without embarrassing you further.

All acts innocent before you went to go sit down, having Tamaki's hand grab your ass before quickly returning to his lap. Giving him a short look before sitting down, patting his thigh in thanks once you realize what happened, and then acting as if nothing happened despite Tamaki's clear blush.

When you tried to get back to a normal conversation, Mirio just kept giving you an odd look. "What?" you finally spat out in his direction.

"Don't you think it's a little weird how close you guys are?" Mirio crossed his arms as he looked at you.

"So?"

"Tamaki hardly flinched when he touched you, or when you touched him."

"And?" you asked again.

"For people in a relationship? Neither of you've met each other's partner either," Mirio pointed a finger between you two as if scolding, "Kind of disrespectful."

Not wanting to seem like anything was done in bad faith, you blurted without much thought, "I've met his girlfriend."

"What?" Mirio drops all expression, looking at Tamaki as if he'd betrayed him.

Tamaki tensed fully, sitting up straight and shooting you a glare, "It was an accident."

"Oh," Mirio's expression calmed.

"I wouldn't want her to meet her," Tamaki spoke harshly as he rushed to comfort his friend, stabbing at you in response.

Mirio looked at you, "I think we should head home." The fact that he was able to see you were upset before your boyfriend did, hurt. Especially when it was his words.

All Tamaki does is nod his head before rushing out.

You motion for Mirio to wait, following Tamaki briefly, "Hey."

"Why'd you say that?" Tamaki looks at you with panicked eyes when you turned around.

"What?" you looked at him confused.

"I care so much about that friendship and you could have ruined it," Tamaki stressed.

"What?" you repeated voice fragile at his words and the meaning behind them, "What about me? Why'd you say you'd never want me to meet them? In that tone."

Tamaki gives you a confused look, "I don't know if you- us- we are permanent. It's new, I've been friends with Mirio since forever."

"It's new?" you questioned, crossing your arms and shifting your stance. Taken aback by how he viewed things.

"Yes?"

"It's been a year in 2 weeks," you pointed out, helpless.

"So?"

You took a sigh, trying to figure out how to word the rest before getting interrupted by Mirio.

"Hey," Mirio eyed the tension between the two of you, "We should get home."

"Agreed," you nodded, turning to walk away from the conversation and to the car.

Letting the night melt away as Mirio drove home in silence.

It was painful to look at the rain hitting the windows of the car, trying not to think of the night you shared I love yous. Trying not to focus on how Tamaki said your relationship wasn't a permanent thing, not in his eyes. His priorities were clearly different, but you had to keep the tears back so you didn't make Mirio think anymore happened.

Anything for Tamaki, you huffed back the emotion.

---

Uh... This was way longer than intended. I hope y'all enjoy. Lmk if I should post a part 2 (Tumblr won't let me do it all in one part. Idk if 20k words is cruel of me. Lmk how you feel about long fics on here. My Ao3 is on my pinned post if u hate it here lol)

[luveline]

𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐧 | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧

things aren't the way you planned coming home with your newborn, but you have eddie there to lean on when things get hard (and an unlimited supply of 'munson-style' hugs). requested here. infatuated dad!eddie x mom!reader, 3k.

cw post partum recovery, reader is suffering from some symptoms of post partum depression

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

"You're sure you can manage?" Wayne asks, his voice buzzing down the line.

Eddie peers out of the kitchen into the living room quietly. You're sitting on the sofa in a shape that can't be comfortable considering your recent stitches, the baby on your thighs where you've brought them together, your hands delicately posed on either side of his head. 

"I think so," Eddie says, answering Wayne's questions with honesty. "She's feeling a little better today." 

"It's hard, Eds. You take care of her and call me if you need help, okay? I'm proud of you. Both of you." 

It catches Eddie off guard for a moment. He's done enough crying lately, clearing his throat to say, "Thanks, Wayne. Call me tomorrow." 

"You call me, I don't wanna wake anyone if you're sleeping." 

They say their goodbyes. Eddie leans against the kitchen doorway to spy on you and the baby. Babies cry more than he ever could've imagined despite the warnings, but it's quiet, too. There are moments of peacefulness like this one breaking apart the chaos. 

You're whispering something. Eddie stands very still, wishing the dishwasher would magically silence itself. He strains to hear you. 

"I love you," you say. "Sorry I'm tired, honey. I promise I'll be better. You're so beautiful." 

Eddie bites his cheeks, wondering if his family (his family!) aim to make him cry and little else tonight. He gives himself a look in the mirror magnet on the fridge framed by a We Love Michigan border, rainbows and cute elk surrounding something less pretty. His hair is frizzy but that's nothing new, greasy at the top and dry at the bottom. He scrapes it back into a scrappy bun and wipes the oil from his face with his sleeves. He's in dire need of a shower. 

Resigned, he steps out of the kitchen, new socks slippery on old linoleum before finding stability on the crush of carpet in need of a vacuuming in the living room. You look up and bless him with a smile.

You've had a bad case of the baby blues, though the midwife assured him that was normal, and not to worry unless it continued past the first few weeks. 

Well, Eddie will worry. Any depression you experience breaks his heart, no matter the cause, and no matter how temporary it may be. Just 'cos a cut might heal doesn't mean it didn't hurt when you got it. 

"How do you feel?" he asks cautiously. 

You make a face that he knows precedes a lie. "Don't worry about me." 

He sits on the arm to look down at the baby —his baby, his son— in your hold, your face moving immediately to rest on his thigh. 

"I'm okay, teddy," you say.

"How about you?" he asks the baby, taking his hand gently. 

The baby doesn't open his eyes nor answer the question, well and truly asleep. 

"Do you think Charlie was the right name?" you ask, stroking his small face lightly. 

"If we hate it, we can just call him Wayne." 

Eddie's out of this world lucky that you'd liked the name and loved him enough to name the baby after his uncle. Charlie Wayne Munson, born six pounds and two ounces, the smallest baby they saw all week in Hawkins General. 

"He looks more like a Wayne than a Charlie," you say, rubbing your cheek into Eddie's sweatpants. 

"He's so fucking beautiful," Eddie says, getting his hand behind your shoulders. He gives your back a loving rub, up and down the whole stiff length of it. "Would you relax? Or tell me what's wrong? Please?" 

"Nothing's wrong… Look how perfect he is, I'd be a freak to act like something was wrong," you say, the exhale of your words warming his leg. 

Eddie rubs his hand up with a tad more roughness until the cinch between your shoulders has flattened. 

"You're having a biological reaction," Eddie says, leaning down to press his lips to the top of your head. "Don't feel bad about feeling bad, sweetheart. This is a physical thing, that's all it is. You're not a freak for feeling wobbly." 

You relax even more, pad of your thumb swiping Charlie's smooth cheek. 

"Want me to make you feel better?" he asks.

"How?" 

"I'm not sure yet. I was thinking we'd make a list. Starting with a hug, quickly followed by something amazing to eat before Wayne wakes up." 

"Charlie," you correct with a small laugh.

"Is there a nickname for Charlie?" Eddie asks. "What are we gonna call him? Lee?"

"We'll think of something," you promise. 

Eddie isn't worried about it. He figures there's at least five years of nickname time to get one that sticks. For now, he has a list to make and things to do, and the first is making sure you're as well as you can be. He starts with the hug, pulling what you want for dinner from you one soft kiss to your temple at a time. Chicken pot pie? Ramen noodles with a fried egg on top? Sesame chicken? Triple cheeseburgers? 

You can't decide. Eddie chooses breakfast for dinner. It won't take long —he can fry the sausage, eggs, turkey bacon and toast in one pan. 

He keeps the door open to watch you, though nothing is actively wrong. You're deflated now rather than tense, petting and fawning over the baby as much as you can without waking him up.  

"Just as handsome as your dad," you say. 

It's a lovely sentiment but Charlie does not approve. He blinks awake, signified by your saccharine, "Hi, baby boy," followed by ten seconds of awe-filled cooing. Eddie's frying some bread in the pan but dinner can wait, he wants to see the baby with his eyes open again. 

By the time Eddie reaches the couch, he's crying. 

You move him carefully into a rock-a-bye hold and shush him. "It's alright," you say. 

"He sounds like you." 

"What?" you ask between shushes, hand tapping a slow and gentle rhythm into Charlie's swaddle. 

"He sounds like you when he cries," Eddie insists. 

Not your pained screams a few days ago nor your heart wrenching tears when you're feeling at your worst, but your hormonal sobbing. Like when you saw the commercial about the new 'shoplifters exposed' program on CBS that featured an old lady who stole a tangerine from the grocery store and got arrested despite her having alzheimers. She didn't mean to, Eddie, why would they make her cry like that? In fairness, it was a very upsetting commercial, but you cried for four hours, and for days afterward your eyes would well with tears and he'd know exactly what you were thinking of. 

"When you're on your period," he explains. "When you know you wouldn't usually cry." 

"You think so?" you ask. 

"I think the solution is the same, too." 

You nod your agreement. "He's hungry." 

You and Eddie feed the baby with varying levels of success. Charlie doesn't wanna latch even though it's a bottle teat, causing some confusion —is he not hungry? Is he cold? No, sweetheart, he's not cold, he's got two blankets and the thermostat's at 68 Fahrenheit. Maybe he needs a new diaper? You check. His diaper's clean. 

You're looking more and more defeated by the second. Eddie sits beside you to give your knee a reassuring squeeze. Babies are hard to look after, but he knows you'll both grow into it. You're exhausted from nine long months and a turbulent half day stint of pushing and crying and turning the bones in his hands into powder, your hormones are going crazy, and you're having a tough time. This won't be your forever feeling (though if it were to last, Eddie would stay at your side through that, too, that's not a question). 

"You know what else works when you're not feeling good?" Eddie asks, offering his arms. He isn't some muscled herculean shape, but when you hand Charlie over, his arms look strong. Capable. Holding Charlie feels just as perfect as holding you. "A Munson-style cuddle," he finishes, trying to speak to his wailing son in that same bubbly parentese you've started talking in. 

Eddie did a lot of talking to your bump while you were pregnant, but he was usually just trying to make you laugh. There were times where he'd lay with his nose against your hip and his arm under the bump, wondering about moments like this. What was the baby going to look like? What colour would his eyes be? What will it feel like to hold the baby in his arms? 

Charlie feels lighter than Eddie first prophesied. Small. He has eyes like yours rather than eyes like his and he couldn't love it more. 

Eddie takes the bottle when you offer it and sandwiches the baby to his chest. He doesn't want to condescend you, doesn't want to shoo you off, but Charlie's crying around the bottle and you look veritably miserably. 

"Do you wanna go and make sure the food isn't on the turn?" he asks. When he realised the baby wasn't going to go down easy again he put your plates on a baking sheet and put the oven on low to keep it warm. 

You hesitate. "Are you okay?" 

"I don't know. I think so, sweetheart. We're barely a room away, alright?" 

He's called you sweetheart more since the birth of your son than ever before, which is insane; Eddie's called you sweetheart likely twice a day since the day you met. That's a whole lot of sweethearts. 

With the baby's changing mood comes a change in the weather. Eddie pats his little back, a quiet thump thump thump, while rain lashes the closed windows. The baby finally decides he's hungry, and the mood turns from frenetic to ambient almost immediately. 

"You make sure you eat if you're hungry!" Eddie calls to you. 

"Are you sure?" 

"I think…" He drifts off, distracted by Charlie's long eyelashes, the way they skim under his eyes and the tiny noises he makes as he suckles. "Aw, baby," he murmurs, "good job. I knew you were hungry. You sounded just like your mom." He can't help grinning. Eddie is really talking to his kid right now, his real life baby. "You made her super emotional, but you're her whole world now. You're mine, too, obviously, but I'm cooler than this." He sighs. "No. I'm not. This is the coolest thing ever." 

"What do you think?" you ask softly. 

Eddie looks up. You're standing at the door, staring at them like they're made of sparkling diamond, every inch precious. 

"Right. I think that we're gonna have to start eating when we can. Wayne never had a baby, but he said I was bad enough as a teenager, and Steve said he's lucky if he gets to eat a hot meal some days." 

"Steve does have three," you say, frowning. "We really can't eat together anymore?" 

You ask like you're less bothered than you are. Like a gimmicky Oh, man. Eddie knows it hides a real worry, and right now he's trying to give you the world on a silver platter, so he dots a little kiss on Charlie's head and says warmly into his skin, "No, that's not true. You're going to be such a good kid, me and mom will be eating together all the time. Isn't that right?" 

Eddie looks at you with his head still tilted down. "I wanna eat together, okay? Everything's changing, but dinner doesn't have to. I just wanted you to eat 'cos you left half of your waffles at breakfast." 

"I can wait." 

"Then let's wait. You wanna come and hold him?" 

"No, he's settled. I don't wanna mess it up again." 

"You didn't," Eddie says, firm and sweet at once. "Sweetheart, come here. You didn't mess up, okay? I'm serious, come and sit with me." 

You hesitate in the way. You're still unsteady on your feet despite the few days you've had to recuperate. Though your hair is cleaner than his it certainly isn't clean, nor are the clothes you've pulled on. Eddie read up and asked around on what would be comfiest for you, debating nightgowns and silk pyjamas at length, but all you've wanted to wear is a hoodie you've had since you were a teenager and a pair of sweatpants with fraying cuffs. He loves it —you look like an adorable dork. 

Your stomach visibly churns. Eddie thinks you might chuck up, is already pulling the baby to his chest to place in the bassinet when you take a short, quiet gasp for air. 

"Sorry, I don't know why I feel so on and off. I know it's just hormones. I promise I feel happy– I feel happy–" You gesture an open palm toward him. "He's gorgeous, Eds, he's everything I wanted and so much more, I just– I just feel like crying and I don't know why," you confess, blinking to suppress tears, shifting your weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. 

Eddie detests seeing you this uneasy, and he swoops in to correct it. 

"Come here," he says again, no hands free to hold out to you. He hopes his voice is inviting enough. 

You shrink into yourself. "I'm being weird." 

"I like when you're weird. I kind of love it. I don't think we'd be in the mess if I didn't love it." 

"It's a mess?" you ask. 

"It's perfect." 

You finally smile, creeping around the bassinet and the needlessly baby proofed coffee table to sit on the edge of the couch with him. Charlie makes a sound in the back of his throat. 

"Hear that? He knows you're here," Eddie murmurs, making room for you hopefully. 

You sidle up to his thigh and lean on his arm, careful not to knock his elbow. You watch Charlie drink his bottle for as long as there's milk left, two ounces knocked back like it's nothing. 

Eddie eases the teat from Charlie's lips carefully. With care but a clumsy imprecise manoeuvre, he lays Charlie down in the bassinet. He has a lot of hair for such a small baby, enough to stroke back from his forehead, soft under Eddie's fingertips. 

"He's really, really beautiful," Eddie says quietly. 

"I know," you say, an anxious hand on your cheek. "I can't believe something as good as him could come from someone like me." 

Eddie stands between your legs, resting a loving hand at the slope of your shoulder. "Why would you ever think something like that?" he asks, his voice as soft as it's ever been, but with a smile in case you don't want to talk about it any more. 

"He's… I'm just not…" 

Eddie gives you time. You've needed it ever since you went into labour, time to piece things together.

"I really thought I was ready," you say, looking up at him with a pinch between your eyebrows.

He brings his hand up to cup your face. You don't lean into it. "Alright, I'm going to talk for a little while, 'n' I know you won't agree with everything I'm saying but I need you to know that this is how I really feel, yeah? Buckle up." Eddie bends down, unafraid of embarrassing himself because it's you. "I know you think these feelings are your fault… that this is some failing, like you're–" He drops his voice to a whisper, "Like you're being a bad mom already, but it's not the truth." 

You startle at being read so easily. "Eds," you mumble. 

"We knew this might be how you felt afterward, the midwife talked and talked about baby blues and you said–" 

"I said I couldn't understand how I'd ever feel sad once he was born," you say, looking at his neck rather than his face. 

"And that's fine, you know? You're not a bad person for thinking it would be perfect and then changing your mind." 

"But he is perfect," you say. 

Eddie rubs your cheek. "He's perfect, but this is hard. Being a new mom with your stitches and your aching tummy and all the gross fluids–" 

You laugh through a groan, pressing your eye into his hand.

He leaps to keep it going. "This isn't how you expected to feel, but that's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Cry if you feel like crying and don't feel fucking guilty about it, this sucks. You had to do the world's most tumultuous campaign for the last nine months and suddenly you're standing at the start of a new one that takes up, like, a gazillion pages with half health and an equally useless companion." 

Your lips press into a thin line, but your eyes are soft and bright despite their obvious fatigue. You bracelet his wrist with your fingers and push his hand further into your cheek. 

"My dork," you murmur. 

"You understand it, don't you? Makes you an even bigger dork."

You nudge your nose into his palm. "I understand. Thank you, honey." 

Eddie's not done. "You said you don't know how something good like him could come from someone like you? I don't think bad was a possibility." 

Your second thank you is better. The first wasn't inauthentic, but this one sounds as though you genuinely believe him. Eddie bows down into a crouch to wrap his arms around you, the majority of his weight on your shoulders and avoiding your sore lower region, and the entirety of his love pressed to your cheek, a long, mindless kiss. 

"I love you," you say. 

Eddie tucks his head against yours, ignoring his protesting knees. "I love you, too." 

Your food turns to dry mulch by the time you remember it in the oven. You're too distracted by Eddie's hug, his offering for a shoulder massage, and the subsequent second hug that ensues, your back to his chest, dozing in the sanctuary of his arms. Munson-style cuddles are his expertise.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

thank you for reading!

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's so frustrating is how often the arguments against us are actually happening to us. we said - you need to watch out, this will evolve into allowing fascism into legal statute. and we were told: you're a sensitive snowflake. you're annoying and stupid and have no concept of reality. nobody really believes that stuff.

but it's indoctrination for kids to even see queer people. it's grooming for kids to even be around queer people. it's disgusting to even put rainbows on kids clothes. it's inappropriate, shameful, still-an-argument. like any of this is new - we know already. for you, even seeing someone unashamed is the same thing as "forcing" it onto you. because god-forbid you confront any internal thought you have. because god-forbid you practice empathy. rage is better, i guess. it keeps you pretty.

this has always been the way of some people - a while ago, it would have been "sinful" for my white mom to marry my hispanic dad. once, in the year of our lord 2015, someone told me that "mutts" deserve a woodchipper. that one particular insult stayed with me - not because it was the first or last, but because there was something so unbelievably violent about it that i couldn't figure out how to hold it. the idea that someone is so assured of their bigotry and rage that they would paint this kind of a picture. even jokingly, even with the anonymity of the internet, it kind of centered things for me. a sense that, for some people, their rage burned so unimaginably large that it blocked even the basic fact of my humanity.

at one point, while i still had enough fire in me to get into long arguments, one of the bigots i was "debating" (being harassed by) said: to be honest, it's about the sex, not the love. between you, me, and the four walls of this blue hellsite, i actually didn't really care for "love is love" as the slogan of our community. it seemed so placid, so gentle, so ally-focused. where was the vitriol? where was the hours i spent agonizing over myself? where was the quiet moments of my life, filled with the sound of other people's hatred? this static that settles over everything; even for the action of holding her hand.

the world is unfair. i am an adult, and without the veneer and small-pond syndrome of my teenage years, the slogan has started sounding more desperate. the more places i went, the more people i met. love is love. love is defending him on a rooftop bar. the drink she throws at me goes down into my shoes while i stand there, wishing i had a better retort than what the fuck. love is both of us, keeping our heads down, the black SUV full of frat boys (?) pulled up next to us, howling, for five whole blocks, until we both gave up and had to stick our bare legs into the thicket by the side of the road, giving over into tick country rather than let it go on any longer. love is a lazy spring afternoon, my hand on her belly, the fan spinning overhead. did you hear the whole thing about target?

did you hear about being the target? that's a fun little parallel, isn't it. it almost feels like the game that-is-about-me is being played without-my-participation. someone wants to set fire to my life, and i have to wait for a response from a capitalist institution. i am watching a tiktok where a white woman under white lights complains about adult swimsuits, even though i think a lot of people would benefit from having swimming options that are not "instagram-inspired bikini" or "impossible to move in but otherwise pretty".

sometimes it just seems so fucking stupid. like, just to check, the rage you feel and the hatred - you could really just avoid all of that by minding your fucking business. sometimes (and this is true): it's not about you, and people don't need your permission. like, i don't understand any obsession with sports, but it seems to make other people happy. american football literally results in grievous bodily injury - and yet there are onesies for babies that say future quarterback. i personally don't love it, so i just don't buy that stuff. i walk by it, and don't let it bother me. there have been so, so, so many times that i was told - "so what if he's a little bit homophobic, if you don't like him, don't watch his movies." "so what if they fired her. don't buy their product." "so what if they wouldn't make a rainbow cake. just don't support them."

sometimes i feel the meaning of it scud against my body, an orca whale inside of me, threatening the boat. it is too large to see from my place; this shadow of a thing that dwarfs my petty other-concerns. i need to find a dress for an event, and florida is passing more anti-gay legislation. i need to text my friend back and confirm our plans, and someone is throwing beer bottles to the floor in a walmart because a different case had rainbows on them. it is a long fall, if i look down into it; this sense like the bottom doesn't exist. like i have only ever dipped my toes in.

sometimes i am unbelievably tired of talking about it. it feels like it has become too trite in my own poetry - queer writer complains about the state of the world! how original! - and then something else happens, and i am here again. i remember that it isn't a moment. i remember it isn't a scattered population of cartoon evil-doers, intent on world domination from behind handlebar mustaches. it is a concerted effort of real people with real power who really-do want to see my end. it is a lifetime of dodging the beercan as it sails out of the back of the van. it is a lifetime of not-kissing once we leave the apartment. it is a lifetime of watching someone protest our existence and then, very slowly, giving them the finger. it is a lifetime of holding my friends' hands and hearing the same agony in their life that i lived through. it is us, together, our faces turned upwards, the night sky so vast, milky way overhead like a lacework zipper.

it is a lifetime of staring down woodchippers.

[etfrin]

❝ꜱᴏᴜʟꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ❞ — chapter five | part two | coriolanus snow

「ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:」 SFW | Dr. Gaul is her own warning, Coriolanus Snow is his own warning, mentions of Arachnes' death

「ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ:」 young! Coriolanus Snow x fem! Reader

「ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:」 you meet Dr. Gaul and her snakes with Coryo at your side 🐍

「ᴀ/ɴ:」 here's part two!! Hope y'all enjoy it! Give me your feedback!

beta read by the AWESOME @nowitsmissing

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Classes were dull. He couldn't stop thinking about the morning, Sejanus' tears, and Lucy Gray's smile. It felt like a terrible dream possible when sick. He hates how easily Sejanus will have his girl after Coryo makes sure she wins.

He hates how he will never have you. And another district girl will be brought to riches undeserving or maybe Sejanus will leave with her.

He hates how he sees himself in Sejanus. Sejanus' sobs are so similar to the tantrum Coriolanus had thrown when he was eight. The tears were the same as his, unable to stop. The pain is too much. Coriolanus’ tears were of shame of who his soulmate was. Sejanus’ tears were of fear that his soulmate might die in the arena.

He had to make sure Lucy Gray won in the arena. Not because he felt pity for his so-called friend but for the fact that this would ensure his victory over the Plinth Prize. Surely, mentoring the soulmate of the heir of Plinth's fortune would get him some kind of reward, at least from the kind, foolish Sejanus.

Coriolanus received a dismissal from his current history class as he was called to meet Dr. Gaul. It took him mere minutes to reach the lab of the Academy where she was temporarily stationed until the games ended. His proposal is in his satchel. He sees you there, waiting for him, and he pauses.

He soaks you in, ignoring the confusion in your eyes. He stomps on his heart that he feels broken because of how fast it is beating. And begins to walk towards you confidently, trying to channel annoyance and anger over your actions of yesterday. He failed miserably.

He mirrors the small smile you give him and he acknowledges last night by saying, “How's the day going for you, little thief?” He feels his worries fade away, the paranoia that you might have stolen his work gone as he hears you laugh at being called a thief.

“I wasn't confident enough to let you read it, and it felt rude to make you walk back to her lab to submit when I was on my way there anyways,” you explained instead, your eyes hoping for his understanding and forgiveness.

You answered his question as well, “It's been going well, I was nearly late for my classes.”

It's pathetic how easily he caved in. “It's fine,” he whispered, “maybe next time don't leave a note, so the culprit isn't more obvious.” Coriolanus Snow decided your giggle was the prettiest sound he had ever heard and his face burns as his mind repeats it. You give him a friendly swat on his arm and Snow lets himself grin. A real smile with teeth, not the perfect one designated for his classmates.

His proposal is forgotten in his bag as he and you enter the lab. He pulls you a bit closer to him, and a bit behind so he's a step ahead. Dr. Gaul was insane and Coriolanus couldn't help the feeling of being protective of you. He didn't want you to receive even a scratch while he was there.

Dr. Gaul greets you and the Coryo with a feral look in her eyes and her red-stained lips in a wild grin befitting animals. You politely greet her back and Coriolanus follows. Coriolanus swallows as he sees hundreds if not more rainbow-colored snakes in a tank.

“For the games?” He hears you ask.

Dr. Gaul replied, “We'll see, child. Now come forth.”

Coriolanus swallows and even though he shouldn't, he holds your hand, his fingers gripping yours and he walks forward, still keeping you a step behind.

The snakes hiss and move around the tank in swirls of color that hurt his eyes. But in the limited space, he could almost make out parchments with familiar handwriting. What was Dr. Gaul planning?

As if on cue, Dr. Gaul asked, “Which brings me to your proposal. I liked it. Who wrote it? Just you two? Or did your brassy friend weigh in before her throat was cut?”

Coriolanus is surprised by the small laugh you let out, and he sees the humor in Dr. Gauls’ eyes. “No ma'am, I am sure she was rather busy choking on blood. They were written by us,” you said.

“Is that so?” Gauls' voice is full of suspicion but it deters neither of you.

“Yes,” Coriolanus butts in. “Our proposals were written completely by us.”

“Well, let's read it again, shall we?” Dr. Gaul adds, “Unfortunately, my assistant lined this very case with it while I was having my lunch. Let's retrieve it, shall we?”

“Isn't it dangerous?” Coriolanus asked, his voice edged.

Dr. Gaul chuckled and explained, “They can’t see too well, and they hear even less,” said Dr. Gaul. “But they know you’re there. Snakes can smell you using their tongues, these mutts here more than others.” “If you’re familiar, if they have pleasant associations with your scent — a warm tank, for instance — they’ll ignore you. A new scent, something foreign, that would be a threat,” said Dr. Gaul. “You’d be on your own, little boy.”

He doesn't let the fear swallow him, not when he saw how eager you were to prove her suspicions wrong. He didn't want to take Dr. Gauls' words at face value but what else could he do? In no world, he would let you dip your hand into a pit of possibly venomous snakes. Not if he had a choice.

“Me first then,” he said, his voice filled with (fake) confidence.

He puts his hand inside the tank, trying not to shiver in disgust. The snakes ignore him, slithering around his hand as he wiggles through to pull out his proposal successfully. It was safe. Which means you could do the same as well. He hands his proposal to Dr. Gaul before stepping so you can repeat the action.

And you succeed as well with flying colors. You step back to stand beside Snow as Gaul holds both of your works. She raised an eyebrow impressed but Coriolanus can see the underlying disappointment and vows to never leave you alone in her presence.

Dr. Gaul said, “Well… I will try to implement both of your ideas for the Games as soon as possible. The victory tour and idea of what you called tesserae were impeccable. Same with your idea, Coriolanus Snow. I am proud to have you both as Capitol students. I am also looking forward to Arachnes’ funeral”

“Now leave,” Dr. Gaul dismissed, “It's time for my tea and crackers.”

Coriolanus couldn't walk out of there faster. Je catches you before you can walk away. Your actions tilted his reality, in so little time since the reaping day, you were changing every thought of his.

“Choking on blood?” He said, “So much for Arachne's 'family'.”

You raised an eyebrow, “There were people in the library and it was already a bad look that we weren't in our homes grieving or whatever.”

He frowned, “So that tear- those red eyes were fake?”

You looked around the hall, the students present were out of earshot. You pulled him closer by the collar and whispered,

“Guess your songbird isn't the only performer.”

Your lips were mere inches away from his. He could seal a kiss. He could take you- he processes your words and doesn't know how to react. You… you changed his whole reality, his perception of you with a sentence. Coriolanus Snow didn't know what to make of you anymore.

You pulled back (why, why, why) and handed him your proposal. “I need you to know, everything I wrote here is for Panem. Don't judge me too harshly.”

You were nothing like he thought of and you were laid bare as he read down your proposal, what you had planned for Arachnes’ funeral. And in his mind, he realized that perhaps. . .

You stopped being District a long time ago.

NEXT PART

[hwaslayer]

love you in slow motion (psh) | four.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 10k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, alcohol consumption, intoxication, club scene!, twerkin buns at the clurrrb 🤪, kissing/making out, quick rundown of oc's history with mingi, physical altercation, mention of small injuries/wounds (lip cut), arguments, crying, the silent treatment 💀, hints of a hookup, oc x seonghwa just being a mess per usual sorry 😫 lol

"Are you still riding with me and Joong to the club?" Seonghwa puts your call on speaker while he sits in the passenger's seat of Hongjoong's car.

"Yeah, if I can."

"Can we head over then?"

"Sure. I'm still getting ready."

"We figured." Hongjoong chuckles in the driver's seat, turning into a lot. "What do you want from Egg House?" Seonghwa inches the phone away from his face when you squeal loudly and clap.

"Double egg toast, please!"

"Okay. We'll be there in about 30 minutes or so."

"Thank you!" You hang up the call first and Seonghwa lets out a breath, slouching further in the seat.

"It's so easy to please Y/N." Hongjoong laughs, finding a spot in the opposite end the lot closest to the shop.

"Sometimes."

"San ever tell you about their dinner?"

"Not really. Y/N did. A bit. She was being kinda weird about it, actually."

"Hm." He hums, figuring if it was gonna come from someone, it would be him. "That's probably because they talked about you."

"Me?" Seonghwa furrows his brows in confusion. "What about me?" No wonder you were being so weird about the topic at the aquarium. You couldn't tell him the full story, even though Seonghwa wished you would've. It'd make things way easier.

"What do you mean 'what about you?'" Hongjoong laughs as he heads to the self-checkout area to order. "These unspoken feelings, that's what."

"What did San say?"

"He asked if you two had anything going on with each other."

"Why is that a question when there clearly isn't?"

"Mm, well.." Hongjoong's response has a drip of sarcasm that has Seonghwa

"He didn't have to do that."

"He just didn't wanna get in between anything, of course he had to." Seonghwa is silent and he's biting his tongue because even though he has a rebuttal ready to slip— he's not entirely sure why he'd be defensive and fight back about it.

Hongjoong and San were right. It's not like everyone wasn't aware. The only person who seemed to be was you.

"I don't know what Y/N said. But whatever it was.. was enough for San to just back off." 

"He shouldn't give up on her."

"Him or you?" Joong laughs. "I mean they're still going to be the same. Good friends. I don't think anything was lost. They're probably both comfortable this way, too. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to play out." Joong shrugs. Which, it isn't much of a surprise to Seonghwa when he hears this, especially when you started talking about the potential of ruining things—

♡ FLASHBACK

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular."

♡ END

"Hate when you do that." 

"Hate when I'm right and you're wrong.. again?" Seongwa finishes plugging in his order and yours before checking out.

"I got it since you're driving today." Is all he responds before snatching the receipt.

"More gas money for me." Hongjoong snickers, plopping onto a high stool off to the side of the restaurant to wait for the food. 

"Did San say anything else to you?" Joong shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nah. But, he seems to be the same."

"Gotta talk to him." Seonghwa mainly mutters to himself. He just wants San to be okay because he didn't want this idea of you and him getting in the way [despite his feelings]. That was never his intention. But before he can fall into a rabbit hole with his thoughts, his name is being called and a bag full of food is being pushed his way. Joong is already on his way to the car, unlocking the doors to hop in and drive off to your place with a quickness— especially because he was hungry.

When they arrive at your place, they pass through the house to say their hello's to Yaya with Seonghwa handing off the extra sandwich he remembered to buy for her. She happily thanks them before waving them off, telling them that you're probably still getting ready in your suite.

"Hey!" Seonghwa knocks and yells. "Are you decent or whatever?"

"Yeah! Come in!" He hears from the other side just as he tugs on the doorknob. Walking in, he notices a few pieces of clothing scattered along your bed and couch, with you head deep into your closet.

"The hell are you doing?"

"Finding an outfit, what does it look like?" Your response is mumbled as you dig deep into the depths of your closet to find that black cotton mini skirt and a few tops. "Got it!" You hold up a bodysuit and a regular tank in the same color. "Body suit or tank?"

"How the hell are you gonna pee?" Hongjoong asks mid-chew. "Unbuttoning that coochie holder while drunk is crazy."

"You're sick, Kim Hongjoong."

"Nah, tell me. How is that gonna work?" Seonghwa silently takes out your sandwich and plops next to him on the couch.

"He's got a point. I'm not going into that bathroom to save you."

"Ugh." You groan, tossing the bodysuit aside and settling for the tank. "I'll figure out the rest later." You plop next to Hongjoong's free side. "Thank you for the food." You smile over at them.

"Hwa bought it." Hongjoong's eyes are glued to the TV. 

"Thank you, pichu."

"Mhm." Seonghwa responds from his end. 

"Why are San and Woo going separately?"

"San has to help his uncle with something and it might run a bit long. Woo offered to go with him so he wouldn't be alone."

"Mm." You hum. "Hope it doesn't go long."

"Aw. You miss Sannie?" Hongjoong playfully pouts and you hit him on the bicep.

"You're so fucking mean to me." Joong laughs loudly when you continue to whine, Seonghwa contently eating away while watching the show.

"You guys good or what?"

"Yeah, I just want all of us together."

"We will be, don't worry." Seonghwa chimes in and passes you your food. "Eat. I know you'll need like 500 hours to get your makeup and hair done." You glare at him before picking up the sandwich and digging in. You, Joong and Hwa continue to talk amongst each other while watching the TV before you gather the strength to finally get ready for the night. You turn on your bluetooth speaker, blasting your playlist while you get dressed and get your makeup going. Seonghwa has taken a few pregame shots with you in between, now sipping on a canned cocktail to keep him going while you finish up your makeup and hair. You take one more look at yourself in the mirror, satisfied with the oversized black denim jacket, mini skirt, tank and knee high heeled boots you threw on. Your makeup was simple, but enough to pop.

"Damn." Hongjoong teases, playfully checking you out and flattening his brows with two fingers while Seonghwa rolls his eyes. But, he has to say— he's fucking dying inside because of how fine you look tonight.

So fucking beautiful, and Seonghwa wishes he could have you all to himself.

"Go away." You laugh, walking through a cloud of perfume. "I'm ready!"

"About time." Seonghwa teases. "You look good." He breaks contact as he shuts off your bluetooth speaker and is the first to head out the door.

"Thanks, pichu." You shut off the lights and lock your door. "Do you have the bottle?"

"Make sure to hide that shit in the car, I'm not getting pulled over." Hongjoong says, unlocking his car. You hop into the backseat and tuck the unopened soju bottle aside— keeping it safe until you get to the club.

It's a 20 minute drive before Joong is circling the streets to find a good spot. When he finally gets lucky and finds one just a block down, he reverses into the spot flawlessly before shutting off the car and giving off a deep sigh.

"Have at it." He says, texting San to find out his whereabouts while you and Seonghwa continue to pregame some more and finish the bottle. The alcohol is hitting you quickly tonight, the soju being the cherry on top. Joong tells you San and Wooyoung have parked nearby, giving you all the greenlight to meet them halfway and walk together to the club.

You [drunkly] scream loudly when you see the two; running into their arms and letting them swing you around. You feel happier when you're all together, excited for what the night has to bring. You cling onto Seonghwa without realizing, the group behind you two as you walk side by side while engaging in conversation.

"Seonghwa! Why would you say that!" You and Seonghwa laugh loudly while walking down the street to the club. San can't help but divert his attention to you two ahead; watching as you naturally joke around, laugh and playfully bicker. You cling onto Seonghwa and continue to attach yourself to his hip, and the reality settles for San even more.

He is sad, but it's clear this is where you're supposed to be.

Seonghwa continues to tell you his story, leaning in to tell you delicate details even as you fall in line for the club. San realizes things surely haven't changed, because for you and Hwa, all you see is each other. You both don't ever purposefully make anyone feel left out, but at the end of the day, Hwa was always going to prioritize you and vice versa.

This is your own world and San only plays a little part in it. And that's okay. That's completely okay. You deserved to be happy and that's all he wants for you. All he wants for Hwa.

When security finally checks your IDs and lets your group in, the club is packed from wall to wall and you're having to hold Seonghwa's hand while navigating through the crowd. Hongjoong is behind you, gripping at the belt loop of your skirt to help lead the other two trailing him.

"Aye, over there!" Hongjoong tugs on your belt loop and points at the free bartender towards the other end of the club nodding with his lips while nodding. You take the hint and get Seonghwa to navigate to the free area. Once you're there, you feel like you're able to breathe, being able to spread your arms and move around freely.

"Let's go get some drinks from the bartender over there, it isn't busy." Seonghwa points to the small bar area towards the back end. Your group follows, instantly asking the bartender for a few shots of tequila, whiskey, whatever each chose as their own poison. 

The shots are taken to the neck, and before you know it, you're dancing away on the dance floor with your friends. Wooyoung manages to grab a few dances from cuties nearby, dragging San along to cheer him up and find someone he could possibly have fun with. But, amidst all that and all the numbers he manages to grab, he still finds himself looking for you so he can at least have a dance. 

"Y/N?" San comes to you, cheeks tinted red as his hand  caresses at his jaw. 

"What's wrong, Sannie? Are you okay?" You look up at him with those eyes, your hand on his bicep. You're both clearly drunk out of your minds but jesus, is he having trouble containing himself. 

"Y-yeah." He hiccups. "I just wanted to ask if you'd dance with me?" You giggle and nod.

"Let's go!" You grab his hand and take the initiative. At some point the crowd builds and you're separated from your group— Wooyoung floating somewhere out in the chaos, while Hongjoong and Seonghwa are pulling further and further away. You continue to dance with San though, enjoying every moment and having fun while with him. He keeps up with your rhythm, holding you close but making sure you still have enough freedom to move however you want, have space however you want. But, you continue to work on him and dance along to the music, forgetting any worries for the night.

You dance with San for a good chunk of time before you start searching for Seonghwa, who is no longer nearby. You catch wind of him, but your body decides this is the perfect time to break the seal.

"I need to go to the bathroom." You turn to San and tippy-toe to his ear.

"You okay? Want me to come and wait?"

"No, I'm okay. I'll be back." You give him a small reassuring smile before rushing off to the bathroom and waiting in the tiny line that had formed outside the door. You're in and out within 5 minutes, washing your hands and patting your face down with how stuffy the club had gotten. After handling your business in peace, you realize that Seonghwa and Hongjoong are even more separated than you thought when you exit the bathroom— no longer being able to spot them on the main dance floor, especially due to being inebriated. You finally find Wooyoung and San together, tugging on Wooyoung's sleeve to grab his attention.

"Where's Hwa?"

"Iono!" Wooyoung shrugs. "Last time I checked he was somewhere over there with Joongie." He nods in the far back corner behind you. You give Wooyoung's arm a squeeze to thank him before pushing your way through the crowd towards the potential Hongjoong and Seonghwa spot. When you get there, Hongjoong is definitely nowhere to be found, but Seonghwa is talking to some girl. He's leaning in towards her ear in order for her to hear him, and she laughs at whatever the fuck he's saying. It lowkey kinda irks you, even though you have no reason to be feeling that way. You should be happy Seonghwa is putting himself out there and flirting away at the club. 

Not feeling jealous or envious in the least bit that she is occupying his time and space.

"Hey." You come up to him just as she giggles and playfully flips her hair, turning on her heels to walk away. She gives him one last look before she sways her hips and continues walking towards her friends, all of them squealing over the encounter in the middle of the club. "I see you've been busy." He shrugs.

"That's the girl I met. Makayla." You subtly roll your eyes and tap his chest.

"Okay, well I've been looking for you." You kinda pout.

"What's wrong?" He tilts his head.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you and I couldn't find you for the longest time." He laughs.

"You were dancing with Sannie, weren't you?" He taps your nose. He says it like it's a light, teasing joke, but deep down, Seonghwa had to step away and get outta that spot. He's not gonna lie, he is relieved you're finally looking for him and finding him. 

"So?" He laughs.

"Well, you found me? Stop pouting. We came here to have fun and you're gonna be with me all night." He gently runs a finger down your bottom lip that is still poking out in a pout. 

"Where'd Joong go?"

"Bathroom." 

"Let me grab San and Woo—" Seonghwa tugs at your hand just as you're about to turn, a small frown on his face. As you look at him, not only do you realize how drunk you still are, but you can also pick up on how drunk Seonghwa is, too. His eyes are red and glazed over, cheeks also tinted with a rosey hue. 

Which, with the way he's looking at you, can't be a good thing. 

This won't end well.

And you truly do not care right now.

"Uh-uh, I thought you wanted to hang out for a bit. Dance with me." He says, pulling you flush against him while his teeth subtly nibble on his bottom lip.

"Hwa." You get all shy and unlike yourself, most definitely from the alcohol and the way he's looking at you up and down. You let him keep you close, beginning to dance against him and go with the beat of the current song blasting through the club. 

To set the record straight first and foremost— it's not like you haven't danced with him before. You have, and those times have been careless, free and fun. You didn't have a care in the world, Seonghwa didn't. It wouldn't last because it was harmless fun before you were onto the next and brushing it off like it was any ordinary thing between you two.

Because it was.

Tonight, it isn't. The air is different, and the energy between you two is supercharged; strong, an incredible pull to each other. The air is extra thick and like no other you've experienced with him. You can't really explain it right now, but with recent events, you just know you want Seonghwa.

Just like he wants you.

So you dance, and you dance. The two of you have pushed to the farthest corner of the club that Hongjoong never seems to return to Seonghwa [or maybe he did and didn't wanna bother] and the two of you are left in your own little world. He's still keeping you close, a tight grip on your hips as he feels every inch, every move against him, doing his best to keep up with the rhythm, you.

And god, is it turning you on.

You turn to face him when the song transitions into the next, finding that Seonghwa can't take his eyes off of you. He stares through his hooded lids while he rests against the metal railing, hands still at your hips while your face is only inches away. You watch as his eyes shoot down to your lips, back up to your eyes as if he's begging, pleading, you to make the first move. Because that will be the confirmation he needs— that will open up a whole new box that Seonghwa had been waiting to open, break the lock to a door he had been waiting to walk through. But also, he's too scared to make the first move. Too scared he'd be overthinking, that you're just drunk and you wouldn't mean it—

Suddenly, the impact of your lips crashing into his quickly pulls him out of his thoughts. Instead of breaking away at that moment, the kiss instantly becomes heated, deep. And Seonghwa has to forcibly pull himself off of you because even though he wants this so, so badly, it'll ruin everything if you truly didn't mean anything by it.

"What're you doing, Y/N?" He breaks away and leans towards your ear. His voice is husky and deep, loud enough to barely be heard over the music.

"I can't kiss you?"

"Not if you don't mean it." He bites onto his bottom lip when he pulls back to look at you, hands still resting on your waist.

"Who said I didn't mean it, Hwa?" You say in his ear, shivers running down his spine when he feels your lips graze your jaw. He probably should think about this, really think about this, but he can't. He's just as fucked up as you are, and he's feeling a bit selfish, a tad bit horny. You're positioned in between his legs looking beautiful as ever even under the dim club lights.

He can't help himself.

He cups your cheek as he pulls you back in, kissing you with so much more fervor. He hears you let out a content sigh in between kisses, pressing your body up against him as you grip the sides of his shirt.

"Driving me crazy." He says, pulling back and letting his nose lightly glide over yours. The both of you are slightly panting, lips swollen from all the intense kisses just shared. You'd do it over and over again, though. And if it were up to you, you'd take this home to explore a little further.

You want Seonghwa.

"Am I?" You continue to tease.

"Y/N." He gives you a look. "You have no idea what you do to me." His voice is still husky, deep; vibrating through your ears and sending tingles down your spine. He leans in for another deep, last kiss; biting onto your bottom lip and tugging back before letting it go. He dips to your jaw, to your neck— painting the surface with feathery kisses and tiny, subtle bites.

"Hwa, we're still out." You giggle and gently tap his chest. 

"Right." He sheepishly smiles and continues to hold you.

"I'm gonna grab some water real quick. We should try and find everyone when I come back."

"Let me just come with you." He grabs at your hand.

"I'll be fine, pichu." You smile toothlessly at him. "I'll be back before you know it. Try to text one of the boys! Save our space!"

"Fine." Seonghwa slightly whines as he lets go of your hand and watches you walk off. At this point, San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong find him without Seonghwa having to lift a finger— both San and Wooyoung carrying two glasses in their hands.

"Aye! Finally fucking found your ass. Where's baby girl? Got more shots." Wooyoung looks around for your familiar figure.

"She went to get water."

"I got it right here. Tequila water." Wooyoung snorts at his failed attempt of a joke.

"You're an idiot." Seonghwa shakes his head and takes the glass, holding onto it while looking around the room. It hasn't been long, but he's hoping you haven't been swallowed by the crowd and are at least at the bar requesting for water.

"Let's wait for Y/N." San adds.

"Sounds good with me." Wooyoung shrugs.

5 minutes quickly turns into 10 and you're still not back from your water run. Seonghwa can't help but be worried, eyes now frantically scanning every inch of the room to catch any glimpse of you.

"Damn, that's a long water break. Should we just go to the bar and find her?" Whatever Wooyoung's saying is completely drowned out by Seonghwa because he finally spots you, and he's fuming. Everything in the club seems to drown out, and it almost feels like white noise. Hwa finds you at the opposite corner of the bar, and of course, Song Mingi would be the person you're occupied with. That's why you haven't returned, of fucking course. He continues to watch from his spot, feeling unsettled from the entire situation. It starts off pretty normal, until Mingi starts whispering near your ear; doing his best to pull you close, keep you close. He sees you gently rejecting Mingi's touches, shoving off his hand and pushing his arm away— clearly making you uncomfortable. Seonghwa finds his free hand balled into a fist, already boiling with anger at how Mingi doesn't read any of your signs.

Instead, continues to put you through it because he's your ex. He thinks he can get away with it. He knows he can.

"I'll be back." Seonghwa says taking the shot in one swift motion, setting his empty glass aside on the high table nearby. San furrows his brows as he watches him leave, following his trail over to the opposite end of the club.

"Oh shit." San says under his breath, and Hongjoong is confused.

"What?"

"Mingi." He points over to the other side of the club and Joong lets out a sigh, followed by a heavy—

"Fuck."

As Seonghwa comes from behind, Mingi is the first to spot him and smirks. You don't really notice until Mingi has stopped trying to get close to you, turning over your shoulder to see your own bestfriend shooting daggers his way.

"What's up, Seonghwa?" The way Mingi says his name is so fucking annoying, Hwa can't help but roll his eyes. Mingi leaves out his hand in hopes of Hwa taking it in a friendly dap. All Seonghwa does is look at it before returning his attention back up to him, then back to you.

"Come on. Let's go." Hwa mutters as tries to gently drag you away by the wrist, but Mingi stops him.

"Woah. We were just having a conversation."

"Back up." Seonghwa steps in front of you and tries to get Mingi to back up, creating some distance between you two.

"Kinda rude for someone to intervene when they have no business to."

"Didn't know that required you to put your hands on her."

"Seonghwa." You warn, but he doesn't listen.

"Of course." Mingi laughs and licks his lips before closing in on the distance, clearly drunk and trying to be belligerent by provoking Seonghwa. His face is only a couple of inches away from Seonghwa's, but he isn't doing anything to back down from whatever the fuck Mingi is trying to start. Because yeah, he's drunk too, and this is you they were talking about. "Wanna be all high and mighty now? Be the knight in shining armor you always tried to be?" Mingi snickers.

"Back away from me, Mingi." Seonghwa warns lowly. "Step the fuck away."

"Or what? The fuck are you gonna do about it, Seonghwa?" Mingi mutters. "Think she'll finally give into you?" He chuckles pathetically. "Finally give you what you've been wanting for years? I know you've always been mad because you couldn't bag her when I did. Couldn't touch her, fuck her like—" Seonghwa pushes him with so much power that Mingi stumbles and fall back on a high table nearby, knocking over a glass as his arm hits the table. Mingi recovers quickly though, glaring at him as he pushes Seonghwa back and tries to land a punch on him. Mingi successfully lands it when Hwa fails to dodge, cutting the corner of his lip after the impact. They continue to go at it, causing people to step back and watch the chaos ensue from around.

"Hwa! Get off! Stop!" You scream, trying to pry him off. San, Hongjoong and Wooyoung rush over, both San and Joong having to separate the two until the bouncers come and kick your group and Mingi's group out of the club.

"Jesus fucking christ." Wooyoung glares at the bouncer and throws his hands up. "Okay, okay, we're going!"

"Let me catch you, fucking punk!" You hear Mingi yell as him and his group walk down the opposite block, the bouncers still keeping an eye on your groups to make sure nothing occurs outside of the club and requires police activity. You walk a few steps before you push Seonghwa by the shoulder, forcing him to look at you as he tends to his lip.

"What the fuck did you do that for?!" You look at him and Seonghwa's almost taken aback by your reaction. 

What do you even mean?

He did this to protect you and keep you away from that asshole, but you don't even seem the least bit concerned about him.

At all.

"W-what?" Seonghwa looks at you, his chest rising as he tries to calm himself from all the adrenaline and anger. 

"You didn't have to do that!" You yell, on the verge of tears. You're angry at Seonghwa, but you're angry because you hate seeing him hurt. You hate that he intervened, you hate that he's hurt because of the fight. You're angry, you're hurt, and everything is coming out all wrong. "I was fine, you didn't have to get in between, Seonghwa!"

"The hell you mean I didn't?!"

"Hwa." Hongjoong calls for him, eyeing the bouncers nearby.

"He wasn't doing anything!"

"Here you go again! Be serious for once, Y/N. He's a fucking asshole! When are you going to realize that?!"

♡ FLASHBACK

"Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Song Mingi." You walk out of his room, aggressively wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Fucking crazy. Get the hell outta here!" He yells from his room, causing you to flip him off as you walk down the hallway and out of his front door. 

Song Mingi was a certified asshole.

Time and time again, your ex-boyfriend of 2 years proves to you that you just aren't shit to him. Two years, then an on-and-off again situation where Mingi just couldn't commit to you again — but he needed you to feel wanted, to feel like he had a safety blanket to fall on, to feel like he could string you along until that very last moment he couldn't. He'd whisper sweet nothings whenever he saw you late nights; no longer leaving his home to go on dates, but to stay wrapped up in his sheets. Telling you things he knows will make you weak, thing he knows will make you stay a little longer. All these years of this back and forth game you played with your ex, you had no idea why you couldn't just learn and do better for yourself instead of letting him reel you in, making you think he genuinely wanted and needed you.

There was no one like you.

You, so perfect.

You, made just for him. 

You should've known better.

This was no one else's fault but your own. You let him in, you let him in, you let him in. And you fall for it every single time, knowing you were never going to be his one and only again, knowing you weren't the only one he was keeping around. But for whatever sick reason, you wanted to believe you could get him to change again. You wanted to believe you meant more to him, that your history meant more to him. But that's all it was— wishful thinking.

Empty words built on shaky foundation.

So here you are, after he had called you saying he had missed you and wished you were near him. Here you are, crying everything you have left in you after giving him what he wanted. Here you are, after hearing that this wasn't anything to Mingi, that you weren't anything to Mingi. Here you are, broken to pieces, empty, soulless.

Again and again.

"Fucking asshole." You groan to yourself, tears streaming steadily as you head down the street from his building to a random corner. You sit on the sidewalk, kicking aggressively at the rocks beneath your feet. You give one last good grunt out of frustration before you rest your arms on your knees, head hanging low to let all your tears fall freely.

You had been crying so hard that you hadn't realized a car had pulled up in the empty spot near the curb you sat on, car being turned off before someone steps out and shut their door. You suddenly feel a hand on your back and you instantly ease up, knowing exactly who that touch belongs to.

"Hwa." You look at him, watery eyes blood shot red. He can't help but feel sorry for you, you're aware. You can tell by the way his brows soften when he sees how torn up you are, you can tell by the way his lips poke out because he isn't really sure what else he can say at this point. He shouldn't have to say anything anymore. He shouldn't be here—

You shouldn't be here.

"I told you to stay put." He teasingly scolds you, but you continue to look at him with that sad, pathetic look. "Let's get home, hm?" He follows up, free hand coming to wipe your tears away. You nod, allowing Seonghwa to help you up and into the car. He doesn't really say anything when he gets in and buckles his seatbelt, but he glances over at you, watches as you sink in the passenger's seat and look out the window.

He hates it, and he wishes he could do more to take this away from you. To keep you away from Mingi, to take away your pain completely.

It's not the first time Seonghwa's had to come get you. He's almost losing track of how many times you've called him crying because you wanted to leave a party after seeing Mingi flirting around [even though he'd deny it time and time again]. The times you've called because he left you at parties to hang out with other people, other girls. The times Mingi has disrespectfully called you out your name mid-argument, gaslighting you into thinking you were in the wrong.

Seonghwa's only hope is that one day, you'll finally get tired of your ex and move on. Leaving Mingi where he belongs, especially when he couldn't even give you the proper respect. Mingi's only reasoning for breaking up with you was that he couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't do the relationship anymore. He just couldn't, and you knew what he truly meant— it just wasn't you anymore. 

And for months and months, you sat there wondering what you could've done differently, or if there was a sign that you had missed. Every time he called, it had you thinking he must've realized he couldn't do this without you, that he was wrong and that he did want this after all.

Nope.

He made you believe it for a night, yes. Then, he'd go back to reminding you what you actually meant to you— that you were delusional, that you kept forcing things between him. That you knew what this was.

You should've known what this was.

♡ END

"He wasn't even doing anything! Not shit you needed to step in between for! He was literally—"

"Oh my fucking god." Seonghwa groans. "And you're still defending him!" He yells, his brows furrowed when he turns to look at you. He feels like he can barely breathe due to the anger surging through his veins, plus the betrayal he's feeling with the way you're delivering your responses. The way you look at him. The way you're keeping your distance.

After everything, it still seems like you're taking Mingi's side. You always find a way to defend him one way or another, even if you don't realize it.

Seonghwa does, and it hurts.

"I'm not!" Your tone is louder. "I could've taken care of it myself, he wasn't doing anything!" You repeat.

"He was making you uncomfortable, Y/N! All up in your space, trying to force you to do shit when you didn't want it. Yet, you wanna tell me he wasn't doing anything?"

"I'm just saying it wasn't that big of a deal, Hwa! I could've handled it!"

"Really? I doubt that." 

"Wow, are you serious?" You say, hurt. But, he scoffs and continues because you need to hear this. 

"I am. You always let him push you around and walk all over you. I thought by now you'd be smart enough to realize that you're worth much more than that." His tone rises again. "Why do you always let him do this to you? You're so used to the way Mingi treats you and you do nothing to change that. You always let him in. You're so brainwashed and you literally have no respect for yourself, it's fucking sad."

"You know nothing about our relationship." You're crying and angrily wiping away at your tears, unsure of how else to act, what else to say. Sure, you and Seonghwa have gotten into petty fights and arguments. Mostly over dumb shit, but nothing ever this serious. You know he cares, and he means well. But this anger, this seemingly pent up frustration— you aren't entirely sure where it was stemming from. You have never seen him act this way and quite frankly, this part of Seonghwa is very difficult to navigate. 

You've never had to.

"Yeah, because I wasn't the one rescuing you in the middle of the night every time he decided to throw your ass out, right? Because I wasn't the one having to calm you down when you were crying? Because I wasn't the one whose had to pick up the pieces every time he broke your heart to try and chase after somebody else? When he says all those shitty things about you that get to your head? When he'd fucking leave you stranded?" He shakes his head. "I'm sure I know nothing about your relationship." The two of you are staring at each other, both at a loss for words after everything has been laid out on the table. Seonghwa is the first to break, having enough of this bullshit and not wanting to say anything else. Mostly because he still cares about you and your feelings, and it's breaking his heart to see you crying over him this time. "I'm done here. I'm sure San will take you home."

"Whatever, fuck you." You respond before turning on your heel to walk away. As soon as you've created enough distance between you and Seonghwa, you find yourself stopping in your path to sob into your hands. It isn't until a few minutes later that you feel hands on your arms, a familiar touch that belongs to somebody else dear to you—

"Hey, let's get you home." San says, with Wooyoung behind him. You can't see much due to the tears in your eyes, but you can tell it's Hongjoong walking alongside of Seonghwa, making sure he's okay and pushing him along towards the car.

"He'll be okay. Just needs some time to breathe." Wooyoung adds, holding out his arm so that you can slip yourself right underneath while walking to San's car. "You alright?" Wooyoung pouts, wiping some of the straggling tears escaping your bottom lids.

"Mhm." You lie, just to keep the walk quiet and peaceful. And it is for a bit, even as you sit in the backseat of San's car. The only thing filling the space is the music playing through bluetooth— Wooyoung's playlist, actually. San peeks over at you through the rearview mirror, feeling bad for how everything went down. But, he gets it. He gets Seonghwa. You do deserve better. Mingi should never get an ounce of your attention after how he's treated you— esp with Seonghwa being here all along.

"You know he just really cares about you, right?" San breaks the silence. 

"I know." You mumble, head leaning back against the seat while you look out the window. "I've just never seen him act that way."

"It's Mingi." Wooyoung adds. "Can I be honest?" He turns to look at you with doe eyes. "I'm not trying to attack you, I promise. We see both sides." You nod quietly. "It's hard when you have history with someone, and it's hard to undo bad habits you've learned in the relationship. We know Mingi was someone special to you, but he hasn't been good for you for a long time. And there's no changing that man at this point. If it's anybody, Seonghwa knows all of that very well, especially when he's been by your side throughout everything." Wooyoung lets out a small sigh. "I'm certain he's hurt because even after everything he's done to be there, Mingi's actions seem to be dismissible. And his actions get overlooked."

"Woo, I'm not even dismissing Mingi's actions."

"Okay, baby girl. You're not. But, I think Seonghwa would have appreciated if you were there for him tonight instead of getting upset. He just wants to keep you safe."

"His goal has always been to keep you safe." San adds softly, driving towards your place.

"I didn't want Hwa to get hurt, h-he didn't have to do that." You sniffle, leaning your head against the window.

"You know he's not gonna sit back and let that shit happen." Woo adds, also leaning his head back against the headrest— a small headache forming after tonight's events. When you finally get home, San and Wooyoung offer to stay the night to keep you company, but you politely decline. They walk you to the door and give you big hugs, asking you a million times if you're sure about being alone tonight.

And you quietly nod.

Because there's nothing else you'd rather be than alone tonight. You want to be alone in your own space, crying alone in your bed; head against the pillow, tucked underneath your sheets.

You want to be alone.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa is struggling. He isn't sure what to do, hates not having you by his side. He doesn't know what's gonna happen from here on out, what will be left of you two after all this.

From the kiss, to Mingi, to the argument.

It's so fucked up.

Seonghwa hadn't even realized how much of his life was dedicated to you— how much of his life was just you. Even when he tried so hard for it to not be you.

"Fuck!" Seonghwa groans and slams his hand against a brick wall in passing. 

"Aye, come on now." Hongjoong clicks his teeth and pushes him away from the wall, urging him to continue down the car. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I swear to God if I ever see Mingi—"

"You won't. He should know better, and hopefully Y/N does, too." Hwa lets out a hefty sigh as he swings Joong's door open and plops into the passenger's seat. Not much is said between the two, even as Hongjoong drives off to his place. Seonghwa rests his head back and shuts his eyes, equally angry, yet dizzy from the alcohol still running through him. 

"I don't know what to do, Joong. I can't keep doing this just for it to get me nowhere."

"You two really need to fucking talk." Hongjoong does a slight head tilt as he continues to drive to Seonghwa's place. "I don't mean to make this worse, but I saw you two." Seonghwa looks at him before resting his head back against the headrest again. "I didn't come so I could give you guys some space."

"Fuck." Hwa repeats again with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I don't know where this leaves us."

"Give it a few days or whatever, but you need to figure this out with her." Seonghwa doesn't speak anymore, mainly because he's starting to feel nauseous after the adrenaline, the alcohol. He's doing his best to keep it together. But, on top of that, he has a ton of thoughts swirling in his mind— he doesn't really know how to tackle them or where to even start. In the end, he's afraid of what this will do to your relationship.

You and him.

In the end, he just doesn't know anymore.

This is the longest Seonghwa hasn't talked to you. It's been a little over two weeks— usually, the two of you would break in a few hours, not wanting to be without the other for long.

But this, this was different.

Of course, everything felt awful. You both felt awkward about having to be the first person to break the silence, both remembering that night and how heated it had gotten.

The kiss.

The argument.

Everything about the situation felt like doom, chaos. A whole whirlwind of emotions and feelings overpowering each other, threatening to burst at the seams.

Seonghwa had thought long and hard about this, though. For him, he decided he just needed to step back and give himself a breather. Let him do things for himself, carry on with the mentality that he'd finally put himself first. So, that's what he's been trying to do. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. It does. It's terrible. He's gotten so used to having you by his side, so used to running to you first about anything and everything.

He's had to bite his tongue when he finally nailed that fucking uni pasta recipe he had been experimenting for years. Because he wanted to tell you he did so, wanted to invite you over so you could be the first to taste it;

Oh well.

His heart sinks when the realization hits him again, and he's having to give himself a 'lil pep talk to push through. He can't be the person to say sorry first, he can't be the first to break— not when he didn't do anything wrong. He needs to stop apologizing when he's not in the wrong or when he feels bad. He's given you way too much of that, and this time around, he wasn't going to.

He needs you to be the first to break. Needs you to be the one to say sorry. Needs you to show him you understand and that you would never intentionally hurt him, especially over Song Mingi.

He's still counting the days. Maybe he'll have to keep doing so. Gives him time to himself, some peace. Let's him know how much you'd truly work to salvage your relationship with him.

Your own bestfriend before anything.

Because he knows he'd do anything to keep you by his side. He would. It just sucks that he doesn't know if you would do the same. He can't confidently say the same.

But, you absolutely would.  Days and nights have passed and you could barely sleep, always questioning what Seonghwa was doing and if he was even thinking about you. This was on you, though. You knew it. You just didn't know how to say it to him and it's definitely a learning lesson for you— all in all, you wanna be better and you wanna be better for him. You miss Seonghwa a lot. You truly didn't know what it meant to be missing your other half until now;

Empty, alone.

Cold.

You sigh as you toss the pillow aside and sit up in bed, checking the time on the clock. 

3am.

You couldn't sleep, and you freeze. You freeze because you have no one to call anymore. So you turn, and turn. No longer able to find sleep for the rest of the night.

When the sun finally rises, you force yourself to get up to go for a run and grab a good cup of coffee and breakfast. It was your day off, but you thought you could at least take advantage of being up early; take advantage of soaking in the morning sun.

You were tired of sulking and being in bed. Being cooped up at home when you weren't at work.

You throw on your leggings and matching sports bra, grabbing an oversized zip-up to shield you from the morning cold. Yaya is already working in the kitchen, so you quickly let her know you'll be out for a run— rushing over to your car to avoid any questioning this early in the day. You drive over to a lake near town that has a 4.5 mile trail around its perimeter. Since it's still early, the trail isn't crowded with people; perfect enough for you to get a good 3 mile run in. You hadn't ran in a minute, but 3 miles seemed to be a breeze when there was a lot of pent up frustration and anger you needed to release. Of course, you were beyond tired at the end, but it wasn't anything coffee and a good pastry couldn't fix.

At the cafe, you grab a seat right outside of the entrance to enjoy your breakfast, scrolling through social media per usual. You click into your messages for god knows why, knowing Seonghwa hadn't messaged you.

He hasn't.

Why would he?

You sigh, the sadness now returning. You quickly clean up and toss your trash into the bin inside the restaurant before grabbing your cup of iced coffee and heading home. Once you get home, you throw your clothes into the laundry and take a hot, steamy shower, letting your worries go momentarily.

And then, you nap. Exhaustion finally hitting you from the lack of sleep.

Post-nap, you take time to clean around your suite and hang out with Yaya, watching a few episodes of her current favorite show. You help Yaya with a few things around the house, taking the time to bring her to the grocery store just right before the sun sets. Even though Yaya can tell something is wrong, she doesn't bother you or question you like you'd expect— probably leaving it for Soyeon to do the heavy lifting. You do appreciate that you don't have to dwell on it while spending time with her, though. 

Soyeon, Charli and Junseo had visited the past days, and although Charli was able to make you smile and laugh, Soyeon could also easily tell something was wrong without you having to say anything at all. Your demeanor had changed, you seemed to be snapping quicker than usual. Attitude wasn't so bright and happy. Seonghwa hadn't been around, but the other boys had quickly stopped by just to hang out.

You dimmed it down to a 'little fight between you and Hwa,' but Soyeon knew better than that, and she was hoping she'd be able to get it out of you soon. This wasn't like you, and it wasn't like Seonghwa to not come around for days on end.

This wasn't just a little fight.

"Hey." She calls you when you're settled back in your humble abode, and although you don't mind hearing from your boss-slash-cousin, you could do without any work-related conversations right now.

"What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving the restaurant soon. Yoongi and Junseo are going to close up. It's gotten quiet. Can I stop by? I have some food for you."

"Sure. Where's Chacha?"

"With Junseo's parents."

"Mm." You hum. "Okay."

"Okay, I'll be there in about 30 minutes or so. I'm just gonna wrap a few things up here."

"Sounds good." You hang up the call, a bit relieved that your cousin [not your cousin on boss-mode] is coming over. 

When she arrives, it's about 7:45pm. She quietly knocks before announcing her presence— stepping out of her shoes before joining you on your living room floor in front of the coffee table and TV. For a good part of the conversation, you indulge in some of the chicken she brought over, listening to her update you about the restaurant and some drama on his side of the family. She asks if there's anything new going on with you or the boys, and you simply shrug.

This is definitely her way of poking at you, and you're very close to cracking because who else can you open up to about this?

No one, and at this point, you need to. You need the reassurance.

"Are you sure nothing's up? To be honest, I know something's bothering you, and I know this wasn't just a 'little fight' between you and Hwa." She forms air quotes. That's the moment you do crack, tears welling in your eyes when you revisit that night. You tell Soyeon everything and confide in her, giving her more details about your dinner with San, to dancing with Seonghwa and kissing him, to Mingi and their fight. You tell her it's been about two weeks since you've spoken and you know Seonghwa is waiting for you to make the first move. 

You tell her how you've started to realize your feelings for Seonghwa after everything and how��incredibly terrified you are of them.

"I don't know what to do, Soyeon. He probably hates me."

"Just go over there and talk to him, Y/N. What are you waiting for? You know he's waiting for you to take initiative, and you should this time. This is all you." You sigh, bottom lip trembling as you begin to cry. 

"I know."

"You know Seonghwa the best. It's so obvious how much he likes you and adores you after all this time. Why are you so afraid?"

"I know, I know." You sniffle. "I just am, Soyeon. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of Seonghwa realizing this isn't what he expected. I'm afraid of Seonghwa." You cry a bit harder and Soyeon is holding you close, rubbing your back as you lean against her shoulder. "I'm scared of this ruining us completely. What if we do get together and things don't pan out the way we expected? I'm so scared of losing him completely that I just don't know where I lie in all of this despite my feelings for him."

"You can't be afraid about every little thing, Y/N. I know it's scary, and life hasn't been entirely nice to you. But, this is your bestfriend. You can't just sit around and brush it under the rug when you know this is something you two need to discuss. Regardless of what happens, Seonghwa will never let you go. You two have been through so much together, he would never wanna do life without you by his side. Never." She continues to reassure you, giving you the push you need to get yourself together and just face it.

You loved Seonghwa, and it was time you looked beneath the surface.

Soyeon didn't stay too long after the two of you finish eating last night— turning the conversation into something more lighthearted after you cried and thanked her for being there for her. Her reassurance worked so much that you're ready to tackle the morning bright and early, throwing on some clothes to head over to Seonghwa's place. After Soyeon left, you called Wooyoung and asked what time Seonghwa's shift was for tomorrow. He snorted and told you it was 10am and asked what you were up to. You let Wooyoung know about your talk with Soyeon and that you missed him, finally throwing the stupid shit aside to just try and talk to him about that night.

To apologize, to make things right.

To tell him that you love him.

You keep it casual and comfy, throwing on some black and white wide-leg track pants, a crop tank and a baggy grey zip-up hoodie. You throw on your shoes, swiftly grab your keys and crossbody bag, jogging out to your car with a quick 'good morning' yell to Yaya from the side of the house. As you drive over to Seonghwa's apartment, you are equally filled with anxiety, nervousness and adrenaline. You're ready to put this behind you, but you're especially ready to talk to Seonghwa again. See him. Hug him. 

Keep him close, never let him stray far again.

You pull into a guest lot, shutting off your car and wondering if you should've brought over some coffee, breakfast, anything, to make this a bit less awkward.

"Fuck." You mutter to yourself as you shake the thoughts from your head; no time for overthinking while you're running on limited time. You jog up the steps and up to Seonghwa's apartment, hesitating when you get to the front door before you finally bring your knuckles to the surface to give a couple of loud knocks. It takes a second before you hear rustling behind the door, Seonghwa clearing his throat before he swings the door open in a white tank and sweats. Your eyes immediately meet his, but he looks surprised, caught off guard even.

But, caught off guard in a sense that he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

You don't understand it until you see someone in the back try to slip by unnoticed, but she's wearing Seonghwa's shirt. Your heart immediately sinks to your gut and it makes you feel queasy. It shouldn't, but you hate to say it does.

It's probably Makayla.

It's too fucking late.

"Oh." Is all you say, and Seonghwa feels his heart break to a million pieces when he sees the look on your face. You're trying your hardest not to show how much it hurts you, but he knows you. He knows you well, that's for damn sure.

"Y/N—"

"It's good, I didn't meant to interrupt, I'm sorry— I'll catch you later." You ramble and rush down the steps, hurrying away from the apartment to prevent Seonghwa from seeing the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

This was your fault anyway, who else was there to blame?

"Y/N!" Seonghwa calls out one last time, but you're already running to your car. Very obvious that you're wiping away at your face as you sink into the driver's seat and pull out of the spot without turning back. "Fuck." Seonghwa groans to himself, and Makayla kinda just watches everything unfold right in front of her eyes. He runs a hand through his long, black locks, shutting the door quietly behind him as he turns to her and gives her a sympathetic smile. 

"I'm sorry."

"That was Y/N?"

"Uh, yeah. My bestfriend." He looks at her, and she can already tell. She can already tell that it's you, and there is more to it than that. He loves you, and it's very, very obvious.

"You love her, don't you?" He lets out a breath and shrugs. He doesn't say anything for a bit, rather looks at her with those big doe-eyes before she catches him subtly nodding and diverting his attention to the floor.

"I'm so, so sorry, Makayla. I really am." What the fuck else can he say? He must look so fucked up right now; having taken her out the night before and let her spend the night after fumbling in the sheets. He was curious to see if Makayla would be the door to a new path, something that'll help him move forward. He had hope. After this morning's events, that clearly wasn't going to be the case and he wasn't going to lie about it.

"Don't be." She gives him a small, toothless smile. Because although it does suck, she's been there before and she'd hate for Seonghwa to miss out on the person he truly wants to be with. "You should really talk to her before it's too late."

♡ FLASHBACK | EARLY COLLEGE

You're on Seonghwa's back as he trails behind the group, walking up the path to the view of the city behind campus. Hongjoong, San, Wooyoung and a few other heads had wanted to go on a late night walk— the goal being the view at the end for everyone to just sit and admire. At first, you didn't feel like going with a bunch of obnoxious boys. But, you had been cooped up in your room doing nothing but studying all day. It sounded better knowing Seonghwa would be around and being in the crisp, night air. 

Seonghwa continues to walk up the slightly steep hill before spotting the view just down the street, you jumping off his back as soon as it becomes clear in sight.

"Hwa! Look at it!" You squeal, running to one of the free areas near the fence to get a good picture of the view. "It's so pretty! Look!" 

"Yeah, it is." He catches his breath as he walks over next to you. Trekking that hill is not for the weak.

"Oh my god, look at all those lights. It's so beautiful. I didn't realize how flat the town is." You're mainly thinking out loud, saying it to yourself, but Seonghwa chuckles next to you and quietly nods. "I think I can see our favorite convenient store from here, and our favorite spot to get jajangmyeon."

"How would you know, they're little blobs right now."

"How would you not know, Seonghwa? Are you a fraud? Do you even like those places like you say you do?" He snorts.

"Relax, Nancy Drew. It was just a question."

"I just know." You say so matter-of-fact-ly that Seonghwa smiles to himself while you continue to look out at the view. "The stars are so pretty tonight, weather is so perfect. Ugh. We should do this more often." You continue to go on and Seonghwa just likes listening to you talk. He always has, always will.

Everything about you was his favorite.

"I— what?" You look up and see Seonghwa still staring at you before he lets out a deep chuckle.

"Nothing."

"Pichu, what is it?" He looks at you again, and it's obvious he wants to tell you something but is preventing himself from spilling it out onto the table for whatever reason. You turn towards him and cross your arms, tapping your foot to wait for his response.

"Nothing! I'm just— nothing."

"Park Seonghwa."

"I-I—" He sighs. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you ended up going on the walk with us. I wanted you here."

"Aw, you little sap." You pinch his bicep and he yelps. "Are you sure that's all?" He nods.

"Thank you, Y/N. For everything." He ruffles your hair and you can't help but pout at. "You know? For being a pain in the ass bestfriend."

"I beg to differ, but you're welcome." You chuckle. "Always us, right pichu?" You playfully punch him on the bicep before returning your attention back to the view.

And he'll forever remember this as the first time he tried to confess his feelings for you.

♡ END

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[adamsrcnan]

OKAY OKAY here we goooo an annoyingly long-ish post about all my thoughts on The Sunshine Court

Spoilers Spoilers Spoilersss you've been warned

First things first it is so interesting to see Nora writing from not one but TWO new people's perspective. Jean's perspective is just devastating being inside his head is heartbreaking the constant fear and panic and how much of his energy is used on just pushing down every memory of what was done to him. His coping mechanisms are terrifying and i truly do hope by the end of book 2 he has a healthier way of dealing with it bc baby boy stop hurting yourself :( Every sentence was so painful to read. But also his resilience the entire time to get through it no matter what, god i fucking love him!!! He is a fighter.

Jeremy's perspective is sooooo refreshing. He is such a little sweetheart i could cry. The fact that he sends hand written letters and he's so caring and genuine but he can also be so stern. When he dropped that "i asked you a question" to Lucas fkehdjdfjdh OK SIR. I'M SAT. His relationship with the family butler is so endearing as well i need more background on that for sure! My only one criticism is that he didn't have enough pov chapters and i'm hoping we'll learn more in the second book of course because there's still so much about him and his (dysfunctional? toxic?) family dynamic that we don't know yet but also i'm greedy and i wanna know EVEYTHING about him !!!

Kevin and Jean are so just tragic it actually breaks my fucking heart like "you didn't have to slit my throat on the way out" JEAN??? and "promise me you won't try again. I can't lose you." KEVIN??? And the fact that Jean to this day is still keeping that promise. Also Jean's obvious but secret long term crush on Kevin the way it's subtly dropped every time Jean has to stamp down on his desire's and "temptations" GOD PLEASE I CAN'T STAND IT

SPEAKING OF!!! BISEXUAL JEAN ??? BI JEAN??? BI JEANNNN !!!!

Neil and Jean oh my God like where do i even start?? The guilt Jean feels at what happened to Neil in the Nest and him finally calling him by his name after Riko's death and telling him his game was good. And Neil seriously needs to give himself more credit for how much of a caring person he is because the way he indirectly told Jean that he thinks he is worth saving and didn't even hesitate before asking Stuart to send someone after That Guy after what Jean told him. Neil Josten the man that you are!!!

Jean's little sister Elodie what a beautiful name. Them being so close and him reading to her. The way he found out about her death jolted me differently. It was so awful and i'm so sorry Jean didn't get to see her grow up and meet her again.

Renee and Jean oh my god. Jean thinking she's beautiful (bitch me toooo) And the whole right person wrong time ugh i can't stand it. Him wearing her necklace all the time, enough that Jeremy always notices it. And unabashedly stealing her picture from the foxes lounge. Like he did not give a fuck. He said this one is mine. One good reason to stay alive being rainbows i'm gonna FKSJSKDHDH. Theirs would be such a soft love.

Speaking of soft loves Laila and Cat are EVERYTHINGGGG. God they are so cute with their little domestic life and their rich gay boy son who crashes on their couch with his cardboard cut out dog. That whole friendship dynamic is beautiful. Their fierce protectiveness and care over Jean as well and the patience they have with him even after the little kitchen incident. When Cat took Jean out for a drive on her motorcycle god that was such a heart warming moment and Jean helping them cook as well and becoming the girls' little sous chef it's so cute so endearing !!!

FINALLY FINALLY THE JEREJEAN DYNAMIC

PLEASE I'M GONNA SCREAM

Jeremy being the one who told Jean that Riko was dead i don't even know what to begin with THAT like hhhhhhh. The way they're both stupidly attracted to each other but won't/can't do anything about it. THE WHOLE "say yes Jeremy" SCENE WTF WAS THATTT I WAS GOING INSANEEEE. Both of them having to stop mid sentence when they catch the other looking FINE as hell. Jean being so obvious that even Lucas picks up on the way he looks at Jeremy. Jeremy being there to ground Jean in a Moment and helping him come down from it. Grabbing his face and telling him he's okay. Moving into the room with him to make him feel more comfortable !! The way Jean grabs Jeremy's chin (boiiiii). Jeremy constantly reminding Jean that he is NOT A RAVEN ANYMORE no matter how many times he has to say it. Jeremy saying he'll wait as long as it takes until Jean speaks to him. JEREMY GIVING HIM A HUG AND JEAN CLUTCHING DESPERATELY TO HIS SHIRT FUUCUFHDHSJHSSUHDH and then the "will you help me?" And the "Anything you need" AND THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE A CERAMICS CLASS TOGETHER?!?!?!!!! i can't i can't i can't i caaan'ttt

There's so much more to say but i'm gonna leave it at this for now because i need to go re-read it again and take my time with it this time round but i really could not have asked for anything better Nora truly outdid herself here !!! I'm forever grateful she blessed us with this after so long.

[hanrinz]

STARRY EYES SPARKIN' UP MY DARKEST NIGHTS.

pairing. lyney x gn! reader ( word count. 1.1k ) genre. strangers to lovers

synopsis. wherein lyney falls for you literally and figuratively, and he doesn't mind it quite a bit. or just bits of pieces of him trying being a romantic.

content. fluff, reader is not the traveller, flirty lyney, he's ooc sowsaury everyone, lynette is tired with the two of you. minimal proofread.

notes. hihi this is for @sixosix da only real one this is for u!! *does that corny pointing in movies* dribble dribble shoots! i just rlly need to write for him, bc he's a silly.

lyney was never star-struck, if anything he was more used to people being enchanted when they saw him.

but he would never expect it to happen to him, after all only the most beautiful things can capture the eyes of a magician—with life full of unexpected encounters and lively colors of shows—to all of which he found on you.

you, who came to the lands of justice from the lands of freedom—never being tied down to the shackles of laws—with an ecstatic gaze, you're here as where the winds have brought you. truly he thinks the momentary sight of you just by walking in the streets of fontaine didn't give enough justice for him to memorize your face. the sunlight that just makes you shine more and the way your eyes reminds him of the stars, warm they were.

and your smile. archons, he adores it. the way it just never leaves your face, you're so pretty.

he never knew anything about love, only with the books he grew up with of a fairytale he reads to his siblings at night—a hopeless romantic he was.

love at first sight. he was falling, hard and fast. like he was tumbling down into the bottomless chasm of just you. he's liking it and it should take him aback, it should scare him, but he can't find himself to do so.

it was unbelievable and it was magical to be able to know a feeling that you can know so much, but was foreign altogether. he knew right then, he was star-struck with you.

and he doesn't know what compels him to move and make his way to you. excitement dancing around his nerves as he nears you, with a smile on his face and a newfound fascination.

and just before he reaches, an unexistent rock trips him all the way to you.

it's embarrassing, lynette thinks. watching his brother fall in love, that is—literally and figuratively.

he flashes a smile at you. and you crouch down, asking him if he's okay. you're worried and he tries not to grin so much, he only replies to you with,

"i'm fine, now that you're here." he winks.

he took it as a chance to take out a rainbow rose out from his sleeves handing out to you. and you laughed, probably another thing that he finds enchanting—it's unfair, for you to have him this entrance by you.

what a memorable first meeting he had with you.

lynette cringes—her brother's antics are an embarrassment to die for. it's not a crime as far as the laws said so, but she sure hopes it is.

because now, his brother is here head in the clouds with the thought of you. his face all, but with lovey-dovey eyes.

"isn't y/n so pretty?" he sighed dreamily.

lynette looks at him with a blank stare, "you've said that for the thirteenth time today. yes, y/n is pretty."

"should i prepare a magic trick? maybe a dove or a bunny. it can be onstage, or just in the seats? ah, i have so many things to prepare..." and so many more, if she was a stranger, she would've thought her own brother is outrageous for the ideas that come to his mind just to woo you. "come now, dear sister for i have to prepare for my special guest."

it's a feeble attempt, really.

his own brother faltering down, just from you standing in front of him and anyone might not see it, but she knows his own brother.

lovestruck he was. when he took you to him showing his trick of lighting up the night in a single snap, a flower on your head magically placed delicately and he thinks you're just pretty.

"do you like it?"

another rainbow rose.

"they're pretty.."

your mesmerization, it takes his breath away. if anything he wants you to look at him, how you look at everything you love. he wants you to love him too, like how the stars never leave the skies and how the sun reflects its light on the sea.

he wants you just like how his hands die in need to reach you, how can you be so cruel to him this way?

and he breathes out, "i know."

"do you like dancing?"

the both of you stand on the stage, where you sit in one of the carts that has all their props now kept for their next show.

"back in mondstadt, we had a festival that we celebrated...and we would dance at night till the flowers fall." you recount, fondness creeps up on you with the memory.

he knows this, windblume—if he's not mistaken, he shouldn't be. after all what are those books he read for night after night just to know the culture of mondstadt? just to know you. you didn't need to catch wind of that, he can only hope charlotte wouldn't slip up with this one on you.

he imagines, you dancing with a smile on your face that he loves so much. and he wants to see it, to be able to live that vision in his head, but having you in his arms instead.

"would you dance with me then?" he offers his hand, making a little bow to you.

and you giggle, yet again at his antics. "i would love to."

"may i?" and you take his hand, he feels warm, giddy from how your hand fits together with his.

with a smile he holds you and leads you to dance to a sound the two of you can only hear and maybe it's the heartbeats that plays in your mind, but lyney thinks everything just seems more beautiful now with you here.

he's used to everyone's eyes on him as a magician, it's a normal thing. but to have you this close to him and your eyes on him, he thinks the spotlight doesn't make him special now, just the way you do.

if this was the fairytale he's known all his life, he hopes now that it will always be like those ever afters. don't wake him up and drop the glass of his heart, because he has so many more dreams he'd like to come to life with you.

he's memorizing the story now, how your eyes shine and warms him wholly, your hair dancing around as he sways you and your lips that holds a sound that he would like to hear every day.

the song ends and your hearts sync. he let's go and step back to kiss your hand, delicately with him keeping eye contact and it means so much more.

and he pulls out yet another rainbow rose out of his coat, and his eyes glazed. "it's windblume this season in mondstadt, isn't it?"

passion and romantic encounters.

"...let this rose be my oath to you."

oh, how the magician can be much of a romantic all for you. he hopes he'll be the first and the last one to give you such a gift.

◞♡ likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! here's a lyney fic bc i have beef with him <3

[surielstea]

Caretaker

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Summary: Reader is sick & Az being the best bf ever

Warnings: slight suggestiveness, tooth rotting fluff

A/N: Literally wrote this when I was sick asf and high on cough medicine so I hope this makes sense 😭😭

2.2k words

My body tremors as another weak cough racks through me, my throat pulsing at the feeling. Watery eyes form tears, sliding down the bridge of my nose and dripping onto the plush pillow beneath my head.

I stare out the floor to ceiling window, marveling at the way the sidra morphs starlight into rainbow refractions. I sniffle, one of my nostrils completely closed off and making it a challenge to breathe. It was late. I didn't know the exact time but from the moons position in the sky I could guess it was far past midnight.

My mate hadn't come to bed and I debated clambering out of this all too hot bed to go and find him, wrap my arms around his waist and guide him back to our bed. But I can't expose him to whatever virus plagued me, in turn getting him sick, no matter how badly I missed his touch. It was already a risk to share the same bed, I couldn't push it.

Madja stopped by earlier and gave me a tonic to help ward off the cough but there was nothing she could do beyond that. I took the tonic minutes ago, the effects still settling in, I just hoped the cough would cease long enough for me to be able to fall asleep.

It's been days, my mate was convinced I was getting worse. He surveyed me like usual, but his gaze turned soft and pitiful every time a raucous cough came over me. Shadows kept me company, swirling fluidly against my back in a reassuring manner, the chill touch of them making me cool off from my heated state.

There was a soft knock at the door and I didn't have to look to know who it was. I adjusted under the covers, using my strength to sit up and lean against the headboard, teary eyed but making eye contact with the large winged male in the doorway. "Az." My voice was practically a whimper, a feeble excuse at calling for him.

"My love," He drew a long exhale, my sickness seemingly weighing on him as well.

"You can't be in here." I murmur, wiping my tears and wishing it was his hands instead of mine doing the act.

"I miss you." He offers me a soft smile as he tilts his head against the frame of the door, his silhouette from the hallway light made him look like some sort of angel.

"I don't want to get you sick." I shake my head, holding my arm out as if to shield him away but we both knew I held no power at the moment.

"It wouldn't be so bad," He tries to lighten the mood with a shrug. "I'd be off work, we could quarantine together. We'd read and cuddle and I could actually go within a ten feet radius of you." His words were convincing, and the idea has a smile tugging at my lips. That is until a croak of a cough rattles my body and I remember how irritating this illness is. I wouldn't want him to have this, ten foot radius or not.

"It's hard enough to stay away from you, don't tempt me." I sigh, allowing my bones to sink into the large matress.

"Worth a try." He mirrors my smile. "Do you need anything? Tea or soup?" He asks and I twist my lips to the side as I ponder what he could give me that would ever amount to how badly I want him and him alone. "A good book perhaps?" He arches a perfect brow. It pains me how well he knows me.

"A book would be nice." I hum and he pushes from the doorway, excited to accomplish a new task. His gaze lingers on me before he closes the door and his silent footsteps recede down the hall.

I look back out the window while I wait, fiddling with the mating ring around my fourth finger. My cough seemed to have settled, I'll have to tell my brother to increase Madja's salary for her admirable work — or maybe I'd pay her directly myself. As soon as I'm better I will, whenever that might be. I release a long sigh and allow my eyes to shut for a moment, I must've slept for half the day earlier but that didn't stop the rest from weighing at my heavy lids.

Before I dared slip into a sleep the spymaster opened the door with a multitude of items in his hands. I couldn't help but smile. The night courts intimidating Shadowsinger was at my door, with soup and tea and a book, taking care of me. He had one of the world's deadliest knife's at his thigh and he probably used it to cut open my tea bag.

"Az, I'm gonna cry." I warn. My already watery eyes verging on tears as I think about how much he does for me.

"No don't cry." His brows crease as he sits on his side of our bed, placing a bowl of soup down on my nightstand. "I tried to follow your mom's recipe but it won't be as good." He frowns and there's nothing more I want to do then kiss the pout off his perfect face. "And this is hot, so don't drink it for a few minutes." He places a steaming cup of tea beside the soup. "And this," He holds up a worn paper back book. "I went to Nesta and asked her for the best romance novel she could think of and she gave me this so." He places it on my lap. "Hopefully it's as smutty as you hope." He mutters beneath his breath and I flush hot but blamed it on my fever.

"Thank you." My voice was a rasp, he looked to my eyes. Hazel laced with love and admiration, the emotions reflecting on the golds and greens of his irises.

"Get some rest after eating, you have to get your strength up so I can get my sparring buddy back." He placed a hand on my forehead to check my temperature, something on his expression falls when he doesn't notice any difference from the last time he checked my temperature.

"Is Cassian not good enough anymore?" I scoff.

"He's not you." He huffs and an upside down smile spreads over my expression.

"I know you're sick but I really want to kiss you." He admits and just the idea makes me feel warmer inside. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him into me, his upper half hovering over me as I plant my lips onto his. I grin against the sensation, it's only been a few days but gods, how did I forget how perfect it felt to have his mouth against mine?

He pulls back first and I debate chasing him back but he pecks my forehead and I settle for it, leaning back onto my headboard yet again. "I'm going to finish up an assignment then I'll come to bed, okay?" He gets up from the bed and my eyes follow.

"Mhm." I nod tiredly.

"If I find you reading that book when I get back I'm taking it away." He warns and I bite my bottom lip mischievously.

"Goodnight lovely." A shadow tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as I watch him make his way to the door.

"Night Az." I muse in reply, already reaching for my bowl of the nostalgic meal.

—

About an hour later I had finished my entire bowl of soup and cup of tea. Both of them reminding me of my mother humming her favorite songs as she sewed her dresses, of Rhys teaching me how to fly before I could even walk, of Cassian brawling with my brother when he first moved in, and of Azriel's warm embrace.

I was curled into a ball with a mage light over my head, flipping through the pages of the romance novel Nesta lent me. It was a fantasy with just the right amount of erotica, the kind that would make any female flush. There were a few times when I'd have to close the book and take a breather before opening it back up, which meant it was perfection.

The door opened with a creak and I slammed the book shut the way a teenage boy might with a nude magazine. Azriel crinkles his brows at me and I look at him guiltlessly. "Evening handsome." I greet and he blinks at me like I'm crazy.

"Why are you being weird?" He utters, coming further into the room and closing the door behind him. I fold my lips inward to keep myself from laughing or possibly exposing that I was reading absolute filth just moments ago.

"Just reading." I shrug innocently and he narrowed his gaze in on me but seemed to let it go when striding over to the armoire to change. I watched him shamelessly as he stripped off his shirt, golden tan skin inked in swirling black. He shuffles through the drawers, giving me a full show of his muscular back and those large wings. My breath hitched as I stare without caution and a small chuckle sounds from him. He knows I'm watching, and at this point I can't find it in myself to care.

"Are you flexing on purpose?" I ask him as he discards his leathers for a pair of lounge pants.

"I'm not flexing love." He confesses and my stomach does backflips. Cords of muscle rippled from his shoulders down to his bulging arms, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little turned on. And he was just standing there. He turns to look at my tinged cheeks and it only makes me blush more. The eye contact just might kill me. The nonchalance and causality of it made my stomach churn, as if he wasn't standing there in front of me shirtless.

"You're teasing." I set my book on the nightstand and sink down into my pillows.

"How so?" His question is half a laugh because he knows what he's doing.

"I can't have you right now." I whine like some sort of child, pulling the blankets up and over my head so I don't have to look at his chest that seemed to be sculpted by the gods themselves. The bed sinks and I know he's now beside me. I can't help but gravitate towards him only to stop myself because I know cuddling would get him sick.

His strong arm wraps around my waist and pulls my back to his chest.

"No, Az I don't want to get you sick." I protest, pulling away with the weakest strength since the predicament at hand wasn't all too bad.

"I already told you I don't care if I get sick." He brings me in closer and who was I to deny my mate's embrace?

It was nice to lay beside him, nice to have his warmth radiating onto me. I missed him even if it's only been a few days, even if he still sleeps beside me every night. I missed the physicality of it. Azriel's never been one for touch but sometimes I go through phases where if I don't have my hands constantly on him I'd collapse.

So I allowed myself to lean into his chest, matching my breathing to his and intertwining my hand with his scarred one. "I love you." He hums into my shoulder, placing gentle kisses to the crook of my neck and a soft smile spreads across my lips.

"Would you still love me if—" I begin but he doesn't let me finish,

"Yes." His tone is confident and didn't waver for a beat.

"You don't even know what I was going to say." I pout and I feel him shake his head against me.

"As long as you're still you, I love you." He professes and I flip around to look at his golden eyes that the stars themselves were outmatched against.

"I love you too." My voice is a mere whisper but a wide grin takes over his face, revealing his dimples. His smile was so bright I thought for a moment that sun wouldn't rise in fear of rivaling it. "And I'm totally getting you sick." I threaten but he doesn't seem to mind, especially not when I lean forward a few inches in order to kiss that grin.

"Sleep, love." He coerced and pulls me into his chest, his wing draping over me like a blanket, blocking out any seeping light from the moon outside. "I'll be here in the morning." He muses, smoothing a scarred hand over my hair. He continues to play with the strands until I'm drifting off into that touch, his warmth inviting me to sleep.

Azriel was quick to follow, once he noticed my breathing even out. Shadows settle around us as his lids grow heavy and his weight falls into the bed. With me in his arms it was easier for him to sleep, the comfort of knowing I'm safe while in his hold pushed him further into that sweet relief of rest.

[peoplesgraves]

Yandere Beetlejuice X Reader X Yandere Lydia Headcanons

•Beetlejuice is so so stupid. He is old as dirt and is still just dumb as a rock, absolute clown baby. You might think it's mostly weaponozed incompetence, and he definetih wings you to think that but it is a ruse from a very dumb man.

•Chances are you like Beetlejuice/are nicer. more so than Lydia even if by a tiny margin so of course he clings to you as his 'favorite spouse' (yes it's true but also he wants to makes Lydia jealous which of course doesn't work.) he 100% expects to be babied by you and of course as a witness/participant to his mischief and schemes. Every time Lydia is mean to him he comes crying to you, he would never be mean to either of you but he will force everyone to head about it for the next 10 business days.

•Lydia is kinda borderline yandere. If she didn't have Beetlejuice around, juicin the place up then she would've had a normal relationship with you. She's still super lucid and feels bad about it and is very tame but she finds herself letting Beetlejuice run wild 'behind her back' more and more. Plus she likes comforting you after one of his rampages.

•So many coordinated outfits. Lydia doesn’t have the patience to do it for you guys but she does appreciate Beetlejuices, reverently picked outfit choices. Though maybe less so when he ‘forgets’ to give you pants.

•They probably throw balls mixed with a disco. Something goth and moody and then just a side room with a disco ball and rainbow lights. Can’t decide if they’d do it just for the three of you, for some strange humans or for other spirits but either way, Beetlejuice will be doing the cha cha slide and losing his head. Please laugh at him, he’s trying so hard!

•If you started to get really ornery and tried to leave them then I think Lydia would find a way to bind you to the town model. Beetlejuice would hate it because he remembers how it was but Lydia convinced him it’s fine because you’re not alone in there, you have them.

•You have to marry both of them. Lydia actually doesn’t carry about marriage and thinks it’s kind of a dumb construct but she refuses to just be your girlfriend while Beetlejuice gets to be your husband. Beetlejuice would marry both of you but ya know…just know Beetlejuice will lie, scheme and haunt to marry you so hopefully you have enough wedding plans for two!

[peppermintquartz]

hii could you write something about when tommy and buck meet at madney's wedding, but this time tommy comes as chim's friend instead of buck's date. maybe it’s a year after the breakup since maddie wanted to wait to have the wedding until after she gave birth. maybe in this scenario buck and tommy are on good terms (or not? for more angst? it's up to you) and one of them asks the other to dance? honestly, I just want to see them dance😭 thank you! 💖

I tweaked the prompt slightly because there's a special party for the first birthdays of a Korean baby, and I thought it'd be sweet to celebrate that culture

---

Doljanchi

---

The music is cheerful and everyone is in high spirits. Buck is moving around the party, taking the opportunity to top up the trays of pastries and snacks while baby Joon-ki is propped on his little 'throne', dressed in an adorable green hanbok, after he finally woke up from his afternoon nap.

Everyone is waiting to take photos with him, and so no one is really looking at the door. Buck is counting the number of eclairs and thinking if he will need to run out for something when he hears someone clearing their throat softly.

"Buck."

Buck stands and turns around, heart involuntarily skipping a beat. He knows Tommy has been invited - Chimney told him - but seeing his ex in the flesh is still startling. Tommy's in a navy blue sports jacket and a pale gray polo over those jeans that hug his thighs.

"Tommy," Buck says, smiling politely. They've bumped into each other a handful of times since the breakup, and each time it was awkward, but they have not really had the opportunity to talk to each other, except for brief hellos and goodbyes.

Buck has found time to 'explore his options' since then. Men and women. Dated two other guys, never for more than four months. And he took the time to really think about which part of the rainbow he belonged to - he hadn't done that while he was with Tommy, because he thought it didn't matter, he had his boyfriend and that was enough for him - but then he went on a learning binge after.

He still thinks Tommy's statement about protecting his own heart is bullshit.

Tommy hands him a wrapped box. "For, uh, for the baby."

Buck takes it and tucks it under his arm. "Thanks. Help yourself to the food. I'll, uh, I'll get you a drink."

"Okay. Thanks."

It's so stilted and tense between them. Buck hates it. Fleeing to the kitchen, he digs out a bottle of the beer Tommy prefers. (He knows Tommy is going to be here. He's helping Maddie and Chim be good hosts. That's all.)

When he gets back to the living room where Joon-ki is holding court, surrounded by two sets of doting grandparents, he can't find Tommy. Part of him thinks that Tommy's gone again, too much of a coward to stay and pretend they can be friends.

And the other part of him wishes he can let it go already.

Then he spies Tommy kneeling on the floor in the corner where Jee Yun is, her little face pink and her lips pouting. Tommy has another wrapped box and he's giving it to her with a flourish, and she beams at him and hugs him around the neck.

She liked him, Buck remembers.

After the girl runs back to the table where her little brother is perched, Buck goes to Tommy and offers him a hand to stand up. Tommy glances at him, startled, and takes the assistance.

"Here," Buck passes him the beer. He checks his watch. "They're gonna do the doljabi in about five minutes."

"The what-bee?"

"Doljabi. It's some fortune-telling game. Supposed to tell what the baby's gonna be when he grows up."

Tommy stays for the game, stays to shake Maddie's hand and to give Chimney a hug, to take photos with Jee-yun and Joon-ki.

He stays late enough for dinner - the Lees supplied them with a dazzling assortment of Korean dishes - and it almost feels friendly, a few jokes traded around the adults while the kids have their own fun.

Baby Joon-ki is already in his cot, and Buck takes a moment to watch over his sleeping nephew. Then a shadow blocks the light from the hall.

"Hey," says Tommy softly.

"Hey." Buck smiles at him, genuine now. Tommy comes into the room when Buck inclines his head in invitation. "Kid's wiped out."

"It's been pretty momentous." Tommy slips his hands into his pockets. "Adorable kid though."

They stand side by side, watching the baby, and music filters into the room. For a moment, Buck could almost believe this is my child, this is my husband.

"How have you been?" Buck asks. "Anyone new in your life?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Haven't had time." He takes a deep breath. "I heard from Eddie that you, uh, you broke up with that lifeguard. Jay?"

"Ray," says Buck. Then he licks his lips. "We never did dance at Maddie's wedding. Can I ask you for one?"

"Now?"

Buck holds up a hand and tilts his head, a small flutter of a smile on his lips. "Now."

For a heartbeat, Tommy looks like he wants to refuse. Then he exhales and takes Buck's hand, accepts the other hand at his waist.

As they sway to the music, Buck looks directly at Tommy. It helps that they are of the same height. "I miss you. It's been over a year, and I still miss you."

Tommy blinks at him, perhaps surprised at the confession. His answering smile is small and tentative. "Yeah, me too."

"Can we try again?" Buck asks, still swaying slowly, guiding them in a small circle around the baby's room. "You can't say that I don't know what I want now. I've done my exploring. I've done my learning. And I am more than ever certain that you are who I want to be my last."

"I want to try again," Tommy replies, equally quietly, reverently. "I went to therapy again, unpacked... unpacked a lot of the shit I said that night. It was unfair to you."

"Not entirely untrue though."

"I wouldn't know." Tommy pauses, and then adds, "I'd like to find out."

Buck smiles. He feels lighter, clearer than he has for a long time. "So... you'll call me Evan again?"

Tommy sighs, smiles back. "I never stopped thinking of you as Evan. I'm sorry I ran."

"Good. Be sorry." Buck cradles Tommy's cheek and draws him in. "We'll try again. No more running, okay? Rough times, or if either of us do something stupid, we talk it out. Promise me that."

"Of course."

[egberts]

we are finally home after a busy day. if you don't know already, callie passed away this morning. she fought so hard for the last month and held on for long enough that everyone who knows her and loves her got to see her and say goodbye while she was still in good spirits. unfortunately in the days leading up to this morning she suddenly rapidly declined again and we knew it was time. i won't go into the sad details but despite her condition she continued to love and be loved. she fell asleep in my arms leading up to her final moments, and we got to give her so many hugs and kisses. it didn't take long for the medicine to take her when it was finally time, she was already so weak. her personality has always been so quirky, it was hard to see her decline but she was still so full of love to the very end.

immediately after she passed alana and i went to a boardwalk nature trail and just walked for a while before going for ice cream (the cashier was incredibly nice to us, we must have seemed in need of cheering up because this was a theme of the day)

after ice cream we came home and cleaned up callie's things. vacuumed up some of the cat hair and packed away her furniture and the things we wanted to keep, we set aside some things for her memorial space, and we took everything else to the animal shelter.

just packing up her things was already somewhat cathartic but while at the shelter we decided to visit with the kitties and this was actually a very good idea. it was so bizarrely comforting, seeing and holding the small lovable kittens and realizing in a way that one day we will be able to get a cat as loving as callie was and it will be easy to fall in love with it too.

after the animal shelter, we had to swing by our house again to get the bulk pack of wet food that was delivered, very cruel irony there. it was a $50 box so i reached out for a refund and was given one pretty much immediately and told not to return the food, which gives us a reason to go back to the shelter on monday and donate this food too. (and visit more kitties of course)

we were probably keeping ourselves busy subconsciously, but it was good for us i think, because next we went to a state park and just enjoyed some time by the ocean. we saw so many crabs and even a heron came right up to us!

and you'd think that's the end of the day's adventure but no, after that we went to get pizza for dinner (because cooking is just not an option right now iykyk) and we saw a deer!! a freaking random deer after already seeing a random heron, it was just amazing.

finally we went to target to grab some necessary groceries as some kind of weird semblance that even though callie is gone life has to go on.

i am not kidding when i say every single other human we had to interact with today was nothing but kind to us. all friendly smiles. we didn't tell any of them what happened and yet every single one of them from the ice cream shop girl to the lady at the state park and even the target self checkout person. it was genuinely a beautiful day despite everything. it almost feels like callie's loving energy was just with us throughout the day.

i'm going to miss her so much, and knowing she's gone forever is very hard but i don't think i could've asked for a better experience with it. now it's time to finish up the last bit of cleaning and take a much needed shower.

after her urn and ashes arrive i'll post one final callie update, but as of now this is it. she is gone, resting in peace on the other side of the rainbow bridge. our sweet angel baby 💗

the cutest gradient trio ever btw

[lvnleah]

Valentine’s Day | Beth Mead

This was a request but I cannot find it to save my life 🥲 anyways, in honour of Beth’s birthday enjoy this cute one-shot!

Summary: it’s valentine day and your wife, Beth, surprises you throughout the day and makes you feel like the luckiest girl ever.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You stirred as you felt soft kisses being placed on your skin. You opened your eyes to see your girlfriend, Beth, hovering over you. Her lips brushed against your skin, leaving a trail of delicate kisses along your jawline. The softness of her touch sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Good morning,” she whispered, her voice a gentle whisper. “Happy Valentine’s Day, darling!”

You reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” you replied, leaning up to peck her lips.

It was Valentine’s Day, the four one together for you and Beth and the first one married. Beth reached over and grabbed a tray from her bedside table before handing it to you. As you sat up, Beth placed the tray in front of you. On it were four heart-shaped donuts and two glasses of orange juice as well as a card and a small box.

You laughed, “This is the best breakfast ever! Thank you, babe.” You picked the card up and undone it. You took the card out gently and as you opened it a handwritten note fell onto your lap.

“This is for me?” Beth nodded, answering your question, “Oh Beth, this is so sweet.”

Beth's soft laughter filled the air, you couldn't tear your gaze away from her. The handwritten note laid cradled in your hands, its words etching themselves into your heart.

"Read it aloud," Beth urged, her fingers tracing patterns on your leg above the duvet. "I want to hear it."

You cleared your throat, your voice trembling with emotion. "To my darling wife," you began, glancing up at Beth. "Happy Valentine's Day! Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you, to deserve the love that you give me."

Beth's smile widened, “Go on."

"I didn't realise I could feel this much love for someone until I met you," you continued, your voice soft. "There aren't enough words in the universe to express how much you mean to me. You make me smile every day, no matter how difficult or tough things get."

Beth's fingers brushed against your cheek, wiping away a stray tear. "Keep going," she whispered.

"You're my everything," you read, your voice catching. "My best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, my soulmate, and the mother to our future children." You glanced at the small box on the tray, wondering what it held. "I can't imagine life without you, and I never want to. You're my whole world and always will be."

Beth's eyes welled with tears. "And the last part?"

Taking a deep breath, you continued, "You're the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you, and forever will."

Beth's eyes never wavered from yours. She reached for the small box, her fingers trembling slightly. "Open it," she whispered.

Inside was a delicate silver necklace—a heart-shaped pendant with a tiny diamond nestled in the centre. It caught the morning light, sending rainbows across the walls. You touched the pendant, your heart swelling with love.

"It's beautiful," you said, your voice barely audible.

Beth leaned in, her lips brushing against yours. "It’s just a little something, instantly thought of you when I saw it in the shop with Jen and Steph.”

You kissed her, taking in the sweetness of the moment before pulling back and reaching down to your own draw and getting your gift for Beth.

“Don’t know how I’m going to upstage that.” you laughed, handing the grey box to Beth.

Nerves bubbled up inside you as you watched Beth take the grey box that was wrapped with a pink bow. You wanted your gift to be perfect and now that she’d given you yours, you didn’t know if your gift could be as beautiful as hers.

She untied the bow, her fingers unwrapping the silk material. Inside was a delicate silver bracelet. Two tiny hearts linked together were engraved on the front whilst your name was engraved inside the bracelet.

Beth’s breath caught as she lifted the bracelet. She turned it in her hands, the silver catching the light. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

“Do you like it?” You asked, anxious about her answer, “I know there’s no sappy love note but—”

Before you could continue, Beth interrupted you, “Darling, this is perfect, I love it. Thank you.” She sealed her sentence with another kiss on your lips.

The pair of you ate your donuts in bed together before getting ready for work. Beth had training and you were a primary school teacher. You weren’t full time, you and another teacher shared a class and today was one of those days where you taught for just the afternoon.

You would’ve loved to spend your day with Beth but work needed you and you loved your year one class. You had many activities planned out for them, something that you were excited for and could take your mind off not spending the day with Beth.

Later that day, you were clearing up your classroom. It had been a messy day so things were everywhere and you felt bad for the cleaners. With the kids gone, you took this as your chance to tidy.

Your classroom door sounded open, you were greeted with your wife. Beth was standing in your classroom, holding a bouquet of pink tulips which were your favourite flowers. The silver bracelet you’d given her earlier shined her wrist, the delicate hearts catching the light.

“Beth!” You smiled as she held the bouquet of tulips out to you, “These are stunning!”

You closed the distance between you, wrapping your arms around her and placing a kiss on her lips. The scent of tulips enveloped you, and you buried your face in her hair. “I missed you,” you murmured against her lips. “What brings you here?”

Beth pulled back, “Just wanted to surprise my favourite teacher,” she teased. “And maybe steal a kiss or two.”

You chuckled, feeling the weight of the afternoon lift from your shoulders. “Well, you’ve succeeded on both counts.”

She looked around your classroom, “Looks like you gave them a fun afternoon then?”

You glanced around your room, taking in the sight around you. Colouring sheets were scattered across the tables, pencils were laying on the floor and paints from earlier were dotted around the room. You never knew five and six year olds could make this much mess.

You winced a little, “Yeah they definitely had fun, I did too, but not looking at my classroom I’m regretting my decisions.” You joked.

“How about I help you clean it up so we can head home?” Beth offered, placing a comforting hand on the small of your back.

You nodded, “that would be perfect if you didn’t mind.”

“Of course not, darling.” She placed a kiss on your temple, “team work makes dream work!”

Together, you tidied up. The tulips sat on your desk along with your other things. Beth took on the job of cleaning the pains up whilst you organised the children’s colouring sheets, each put into their draw ready for them to go home with the students tomorrow.

Before you knew it you were in your car, making your way home together with your playlist sounding in the background and you both sang along.

Beth handed you the front door keys as you stepped out of the lift. You turned the key in the front door, yoj stepped inside, kicking off your shoes. The lights were dimmed, and the soft glow of flickering candles shone across the walls. The dining table was set for two, decorated with delicate china, glasses, and a vase of fresh red roses.

“Beth?” You said, turning on your heels to face your wife. “What’s all this?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, darling!” she smiled, “I thought we could have a quiet dinner together.”

You were speechless. Beth wasn’t usually one for grand gestures and after this morning you were just expecting a cosy night in bed together. After this, you felt like the luckiest girl in the whole world.

“You did all this?” You finally managed to say, your voice hoarse.

She nodded, stepping closer. “I wanted to remind you how much you mean to me,” she murmured. “After working hard today, I wanted to show my wife how much she meant to me.”

“I don’t deserve this.” You murmured, “this morning would’ve been more than enough, love. Thank you so much.”

You kissed Beth’s soft lips, her hands resting on your hips, “You deserve the whole world, darling.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ynmead6 Valentine’s Day <3

tagged: bethmead_

comments…

bethmead_ love you ❤️

leahwilliamsonn aww sappy

↳ ynmead6 aww single leah

jbeattie91 adorable

stephcatley my favourites!

kyracooneyx yuck

↳ bethmead_ go to bed child

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[sleepytoycollection]

Barbie Dream Besties "Brooklyn": A review

Barbie Dream Besties is a newly released doll line by Mattel, and is a spin off of their main Barbie line. Looks wise, they seem to be a spiritual successor to My Scene, Ever After high, and the more recent Barbie Extra/Barbie Extra Minis. Also trying desperately to compete with LOL and Rainbow High.

They are $20 USD each retail.

I was interested in these for three reasons: 1) I liked Ever After High and My Scene. 2) They have much more quality outfits than I tend to see from modern Barbie. 3) @queenofsquids enjoyment of them made me hopeful I'd like them too.

So do I? Let's find out.

I choose the character Brooklyn as I like her face up the best.

Her packaging is the standard plastic clam shell that seems to be all over the doll aisle anymore. I can't say I love it. I miss the cardboard boxes, so much easier to open and so much less plastic.

This box isn't super great aesthetically either. There's a lot going on in the service of nothing.

Which is a shame, because I do really like the actual character art on the box. It's super cute and matches the dolls really well. It would pop even better if the rest of the box was a smidge simpler. Sometimes less is more.

The back of the box.

We get more of this delightful artwork, showing of the full set of characters available at the moment.

We also get a short character bio for Brooklyn. She wants to be a choreographer, loves making dance routines, video editing, and creative writing. Despite her favorite color being listed as pink, she has no pink in her outfit and only one pink accessory.

Here is the box without the cover. This is what I meant when I said the box design was doing a lot for nothing. Over packaging isn't just a problem with Mattel dolls of course, MGA is arguably worse, but it's still frustrating.

Brooklyn herself is very pretty though. I tried very hard to pick one without a wonky face, but the way she's posed makes it very hard to tell.

I think one of her eyes is slightly bigger than the other. It's not enough to bother me at least. That said, so many of these were VERY wonky at the store. I would not buy these online unless you can see the specific doll you're getting. The QC is all over the place.

Here are all the accessories she comes with.

I do appreciate that all her accessories tie into her interests and character. That said, these are hit and miss.

The purse is nice, and does open.

The dog is okay, but I don't really care for these types of doll pets. It looks more like an in-universe toy than what's supposed to be an animal.

I initially liked that the phone and case were separate, until I tried to put the phone in the case and it didn't fit. It will not go in there. If I force it in, it just pops right back out.

It's a shame because I liked the 80's Barbie logo case, but without the phone in it, it looks weird when the doll is holding it.

At least the phone fits into the ring light stand.

May I also say some of these accessories feel really flimsy? The phone and Ipad are VERY thin plastic.

The boom box in hollow and unpainted.

I wish instead of having seven mid accessories we could've had two or three really good ones. Or nixed all of them and given her a stand. The doll herself is nice enough to deserve a stand I think.

Let's look at Brooklyn. She's pretty darn cute. She stands at the standard 11", and has saran hair with tinsel.

Her outfit isn't my favorite though. Mattel stop giving your dolls ugly fur sleeved varsity jackets challenge. This could've been so cute as just a regular varsity jacket.

Despite being ugly, the jacket is made pretty well. Though a button was already falling off mine. That poor QC strikes again.

Though I suppose it's moot as I doubt I'll ever put this jacket back on her ever again.

Now that she's free of that ugly thing, you can see how nice the rest of her outfit is. I didn't realize how much I missed dolls getting to wear neutrals until I saw her plain denim skirt and white tank top.

It's simple, but she's dressed like a real person. Plus, I can easily pair these pieces with a lot of other outfits. Doll wardrobes need pieces like this for mixing and matching.

Body wise she's a bit smaller than Barbie, and her feet are a little bit larger. This body reminds me a lot of the current bodies for the Disney Princess line now that Mattel has it back, though those have larger feet. If I can find the one I have, I'll do a body comparison to those later.

Her sculpt in three views. The Ever After High comparisons are very apt, though the screening itself is more reminiscent of My Scene mixed with a little bit of G3 Monster High.

For comparison, here's an actual EAH doll next to her. Brooklyn's head is just a smidge larger, but balanced out better with larger eyes, thicker brows, and bigger lips.

After this, I got Brooklyn redressed with just a few changes...

I replaced her jacket with this vintage Barbie and the Rockers one, added a necklace, and hey! Now she gets to wear her favorite color.

Final thoughts?

It's a good doll, but the quality control issues, on top of the same BS Mattel throws on all of it's dolls anymore, is dragging it down.

The fact you have to look through every single one of the shelf to make sure you're not getting a crappy one is exhausting. Plus, kids don't do that. They're going to get home with their new doll and then realize as they open it something's wrong. Kids don't deserve that.

The accessories are mostly cheap and not special enough to justify their existence. The purse, phone with case, and ring light would've been enough if they were made a bit better.

The outfit is well made, and a huge improvement over what I see in the main Barbie line, even if I don't like all the design choices, but again, that's if you get one without QC issues.

The doll herself is super cute though, and screw it, I like the tinsel. Fight me.

Overall I really love this doll, I just wish picking one out wasn't a hassle. Hell, I even bought a second one already.

I got inspired enough I wanted to repaint one, so I purposely bought this wonky Renee because she had the worst face up out of everyone at the store.

So I think there's definitely potential here. If this line continues, I hope they can improve the way G3 Monster High has improved from it's first wave.

I hope this can be the start of Mattel revitalizing it's Barbie line as well. It needs it. See ya next time.