#i feel compelled to finish books i dislike so that i can complain about them more accurately

[words-writ-in-starlight]

im so nosy I wanna know what the book is called so badly...

Okay, I don’t want to put the author on blast because I believe they have a Tumblr and it’s not their fault that their debut novel blew up and probably…shouldn’t have. But if you really want to know, here is a link to my StoryGraph, which is where I review books and keep track of what I’m reading. The book in question is the most recent one rated below a 2, which are generally the longest reviews I write by a large margin.

[yelenasdog]

talk to me? (spencer reid x fem reader)

genre: fluff 

summary: cold nights and warm coffee can be so compelling.

words: 2.2k 

warnings: mentions of having intrusive thoughts and spence being insecure, reader and spencer sleeping in the same bed. that’s all i can think of, lmk if there’s anything else!

a/n: yo! so uhhh i kinda love the start of this and dislike the end of it, but idk i think it’s still pretty snazzy!! also SPENCER IN GLASSES HAS MY HEART ok bye enjoy!!

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It was the type of cold where no matter how brightly the sun was shining, you could still feel the fresh molecules of coolness linger on your skin, hiding under the tip of your nose. It made horribly irritable little dry patches that would have to be remedied with some form of lotion, but that wouldn’t quite return back to complete normal until the end of the winter time.

But despite this, Y/n and Spencer were out and about, doing their jobs in total normalcy.

Minus being stationed in France, that is.

Although it was rare that the BAU was called overseas, Emily had needed the team’s help, and who would they be to decline a trip to the beautiful France, no less to see Prentiss as well.

So after a grueling day of blood and bad-guys, the pair made their way back to their Parisian hotel room, walking (quite wobbily, Y/n would add) along the cobblestone walkways, both of their boots clicking loudly against the rain coated stones.

It was ironic, as Spencer had attempted to wear his converse, but was denied by a worried Y/n, hearing her say “You’re going to get those things soaked, and you’ll freeze your toes right off, Dr. Reid!”

And as not to disappoint the girl, never wanting to see her mood turn as gloomy as the French sky, he complied begrudgingly. Though Y/n could swear she always saw a hint of a smile at her telling off.

Spencer was also advised by her to wear his contacts, to avoid the fogging up of his readers, but he refused, not wanting to bother with said contacts. He grew to regret that as he walked, every so often and reaching a large hand up to wipe his glasses, almost like the wind shield wipers of the bug that had been driving them around.

He chuckled at the not so distant away memories, thankful for the girl and her requests, as it turned out.

The hotel was far different from the usual dingy motels the team usually occupied when traveling, that was for certain. This one happened to be a master suite with ivory walls and silky sheets, quite opposite from the thin and scratchy yellowed covers they usually made do with.

And even though It was early in the day, the mixture of odd sleep schedules and just the heavy weight of sleepiness pressing down heavily on their shoulders, they opted to go to bed at the oh-so late time of 1:37 PM.

Daredevils, those two are.

Ignoring the first bed by the door, Spencer made a beeline for the plush queen size mattress he knew Y/n and himself would be sharing in an effort to cuddle up for warmth, sinking down into it. (After removing his shoes, of course.)

He was originally donned in just a grey Caltech shirt and some blue pajama pants, but due to the chillier weather (that he couldn’t quite seem to shake despite the thermostat in the hotel room being turned up to 76) he layered on a maroon MIT hoodie, one that he was aware Y/n would try to thieve from him, perhaps even sneaking it back in her own suitcase.

Y/n walked out of the bathroom in pale green shorts and a large and worn Led Zeppelin shirt, earning a very confused stare from Spencer. She simply shook her head and continued on her way over to the large window that was currently projected bright streams of melted gold through the glass, that would have been heated if it wasn’t for that damn cold.

“I get warm when I sleep, it bothers me.”

He nodded, watching intently as she opened and shut the blinds a few times, soft krrrrs and clicks sounding through the room as she did.

“You doing alright?” He asked, his eyeline never faltering. She turned and he picked up his copy of “A Farewell To Arms,” something she had been the one to reccomend to him, ranting on and on about Ernest Hemingway and his precious 6 toed cats. 

It was one of Spencer’s more realistic goals in life to take Y/n back to Key West to visit the Hemingway House, after her having said a childhood trip there was one of her happiest memories.

He quickly flipped to a random page, not wanting her to catch him being what he considered to be creepy, even though Y/n thought it was quite adorable.

She bit back a giggle and a smile, settling on leaving the window half open half closed. She padded over to where Spencer was, laying back onto what she imagined a cloud would feel like.

She reached over, taking the blue colored book from his hands and his thickly rimmed glasses off from where they were resting on his perfect button nose. 

She smiled to herself fondly at the items in her hands, particularly at the novel. She placed them on her bedside table (why hers and not his, Reid wasn’t too sure, but also was not going to complain), and then moved to slide between the slick tightly-tucked sheets.

“Our options were A, not be able to sleep because of Mr. Sun being out right now, or you freezing to death because Mr. Sun was blocked totally by the curtains.”

He looked over at where she had been messing around with the heavy drapes.

“I see you went in between.”

She smiled graciously, which Spencer returned immediately.

“That I did.”

A few more awkward moments of silence (not including the occasional yelling and honking from those riding on motorbikes below) passed, before she finally settled into the sheets.

She turned to the side table to her left and tugged on the chain of the old timey lamp. The room went quiet, but the pair’s minds were anything but.

Y/n’s head was swimming in intrusive thoughts, while Spencer’s was a hazy cloud of self deprecations and his own voice keeping him awake, staring at the painted ceiling.

“Spence?”

“Mmhm?”

“Can you talk to me?”

Spencer’s brows furrowed. He shifted around in the creme sheets of the bed, finding a cold spot quite quickly.

“What do you want me to say?”

Silence.

“Anything.”

She turned over to now be facing the lanky boy, their noses nearly touching. She held her breath, sucking in a bottom lip.

He looked to her eyes, to her lips, and back to her eyes again, quickly gathering a list of things to ramble about.

“Well,” he began, “Paris was originally founded in the 3rd century BC, and was a Roman city called Lutetia, and to prove it, there’s even remains of Roman ruins in the capital. And speaking of monuments, in total, there are 1,803 of them, and 173 museums in Paris alone- Y/n?”

To his surprise, Y/n’’s idea had worked. Spencer looked over to see a sleeping Y/n, a peaceful expression resting upon her features.

He smiled at the idea that he had played some role in that, closing his own eyes. The cloud that was previously keeping him from long awaited slumber was now a light film, nagging at the back of his head quietly. 

He simply told the voice to quiet down and was then able to lull himself to sleep, Y/n’s presence calming him to no end.

It wasn’t until 8 hours later that they had woken up, first Spencer, followed by Y/n. She peeked open her eyes, pleasantly surprised by the lack of light shining through the curtains. 

She wiggled around, stretching from her neck down to her toes. Spencer smiled at this, finding her resemblance to a cat who had been sunnapping, quite endearing.

She moved to her side, placing a hand under her chin to get a better look at the Doctor who was nearly finished reading her copy of “A Farewell to Arms”.

“Did you at least mark my spot?” She asked, voice raspy from sleep.

He scoffed, flipping to and then showing her the bookmarked page of the story.

“What do you think I am, a monster?”

She chuckled, sitting up next to Spencer.

“I mean, I don’t know, sometimes it seems like it”.

He rolled his eyes, setting down the read and hopping out of bed.

“What are you doing, Spence?” She asked, not amused in the slightest by the idea of having to get out of bed.

“We are going to get coffee.”

She shook her head of messy hair, the wispy bits flowing around her like a halo in the hotel room lighting.

“You can go get us coffee and bring it right back over here, alright? Thanks, you’re a doll.”

He did that thin lipped smile that seems to be his equivalent of a smirk, grabbing a hoodie from the inside of his suitcase that was perched on top of a dresser.

“Come on, we’re going on an adventure. Use this and the idea of coffee as an incentive.”

He tossed her the hoodie, the jacket landing by her feet with an audible plop.

She loudly groaned, shrugging it on and pulling herself out of bed. She also managed to tug on some jeans and an overcoat, as well as her boots, shaking her head at Spencer’s lack of preparation for the cold temperatures, as always. 

“Spencer, I am not about to go to this and have you complain about being cold the whole time, put on your coat, please.” She gestured to where it was hanging in the closet with her hand still concealed by her trench coat’s pocket, her eyes shutting and her head lolling to the side.

“If you insist.”

“Yes I do, put it on, lets go.” She said drawing out the “o”.

Spencer’s eyes widened and he lifted his hands in mock surrender. “My apologies, good morning to you too.”

She only rolled her eyes and smiled, opening the door to the room and leading the way.

By the time she had found a coffee shop on Yelp that she had deemed satisfactory, (which was extremely difficult due to the language barrier) the time had passed even later, and the temperature was even lower.

The lights on the streets sparkled, reflecting in the puddles of the water that lined the asphalt. Y/n was quite enchanted by the little light shows, slowing the journey to the shop significantly. Spencer didn’t mind, though, he enjoyed every second he got to spend with her to the absolute fullest, and found her fascination with every part of life inspiring.

When they finally reached the quaint little coffee shop, they walked inside, finding refuge in the warmth of the establishment.

Spencer ordered for them, and Y/n found a table (as that’s what they always did, taking turns between ordering and scouting a place to sit).

She located a cozy little corner by a window, a perfect place to observe those who bustled about at night, watching them and coming up with back stories, whatever they may be.

She enjoyed doing that, it made her believe she had a better understanding of the world around her, why those she works on catching every day behave in the manner they do.

And what better place to do so than Paris?

So she flagged Reid (who now was in possession of the two drinks) over, taking hers from his hand. 

“Latte with two creams and 4 sugars for the lady.”

She smiled graciously, allowing the heat of the cup to spread through her system.

“And what did you get? Let me guess, a shot of espresso with 12 sugars?”

Spencer rolled his eyes, not wanting to admit she was more correct than he had hoped.

“Ha ha, very funny, Y/n.”

She smiled over her small mug, quirking a brow.

“Oh, I know.”

He shook his head and glanced out the window with a low chuckle, watching as people from all walks of life went about their business, some with dogs, some with children, some of them even walking along with a cup of coffee in their hands, similarly to Spencer and Y/n. Some of them, in fact, had all three.

As the two sat observing, sipping away at their respective concoctions, Y/n spoke up, her voice soft, although considering they were the only two in the shop, it didn’t need to be.

“Spence?”

“Hmm?”

Only then did she tear her glance away from those on the street, her full focus now on Reid. She admired his bone structure, in awe over the way the soft light reflected off his strong jaw and high cheeks. At that moment, he looked like he belonged in the Louvre.

“Thank you.”

“What for?” He finally looked towards her, his hand never moving from where it was positioned under his chin.

She simply shrugged, wrapping her coat tighter around herself.

He darted his eyes to the table and then her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Well, you’re welcome, I guess.”

She smiled and nodded at once, satisfied with his response.

While she looked out the window once more, she began to wonder about those around her. If they felt the same strong emotions that she did, if they held the same hope and desire for the future that she did.

And as she took another sip from her drink, closing her eyes and slowly was drifting off with the sounds of the city, she could only hope that they did.

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i hope u enjoyed that bc i feel like the imagery in the first paragraph was immaculate 😁 also! i ask that in the reblogs no cussing (and on my blog now in general) is used for personal reasons :) kk luv u bye bb! go take an electronics break and drink some water+ eat some protien (cashews, cheese, whatever ur feeling!)

xx hj 

[luninosity]

Okay, some The Falcon and the Winter Soldier episode 1 thoughts! This one will be spoilery, so I’ll tag it and put it under a cut and all of that!

Thoughts not in any real order, just as I think of them, the morning after (we stayed up to watch at midnight, and then went to bed!):

-okay, action-y opening, I’m neutral about that

-on va voir! :D :D

-I like seeing Sam struggling with the idea of the shield and his heroic identity and what being Captain America means...would’ve liked to see him try it, once, before giving it up; I feel like he would try, because it’s what Steve asked of him (and there’s a difference between doing it for that reason and doing it because he chooses to, which would’ve been an interesting tension!)

-mmm, gorgeous museum exhibit shots, and such a good backdrop, thematically, for Sam and Rhodey discussing what it means to be Captain America (also: yay Rhodey!)

-spectacular Bucky nightmare scene, recapturing the menace of the Winter Soldier; oh, so many Bucky feels, and, oh, that moment of him waking up, sleeping on his floor...ow, my heart

-on a shallower note, I miss Seb’s longer hair; it was so distinctive as a look, versus all the short-haired clean-cut Marvel Men (but I also get why they’d have short-haired Bucky in this series: distinguishing then and now, visually and symbolically)

-Bucky’s therapist is genuinely terrible (like, wow) and I’m glad he got to call her out on it (also a good nod to the Winter Soldier having some knowledge of psychology/strategy)

-good to see a character (who very much needs it) getting therapy, on screen, though!

-also nice that we’ve established that Bucky’s been officially pardoned; good to know, and he deserves that recognition that he’s not at fault

-what’s with the weird super-close-up shots? Not that Sebastian isn’t pretty, but the camera’s basically sitting on his cheek. I’m not exactly complaining but it’s distracting me from the storytelling, mostly because I’m wondering who thought this was a good stylistic choice. Those’re some lovely Seb eyelashes, but, like...pull back. Pull that camera back. Back up. Space, please.

-ooh, competence porn! Yes please. (This goes for both Sam and Bucky.)

-Torres might be my new favorite. He’s adorable. Which means I fully expect something terrible to happen to him any second now.

-both Seb and Anthony are such good actors - they’re both so good at micro-expressions, emotion in the shift of eyes or a change in stance

-I love Sam’s sister Sarah!

-more specifically, I love that it’s obviously an affectionate relationship, but not necessarily an easy one, and she has more of an understanding of how the real non-superhero world works than he does, and she’ll tell him so - I’m liking the nuance and emotion here; it feels very real, and it’s not like Melodramatic Resentment for him being busy hero-ing, which they could’ve opted for; no, it’s a genuine sort of weariness and love

-why no video games, for the kids? are they being punished? weird anti-video-game prejudice? (as someone who grew up in a household that didn’t approve of video games, I was at a *distinct disadvantage* when everyone else had this cultural touchstone and I didn’t! and because their mom doesn’t give a reason or a time limit, this blanket ‘no’ line comes off as weirdly restrictive to me - I’d’ve gone with “...until you finish a chore or read a book or do x thing first” - and of course the kids don’t listen, because why would they? idk, probably overthinking this one, but I was also always that kid who needed reasons for things - I never responded well to “because I say so” or “that’s just how it is,” but if you told me why, then I’d totally listen! anyway, this one’s just a weird personal ?? in my head!)

-love love love the bank scene - the sheer awfulness of the juxtaposition of the hero and fanboy emotions, and the harsh reality of loans and denial and Sam’s realization that he can’t help, and also his sister’s body language all through this scene

-I have questions about how the world’s working here: like, I totally believe the banks, government, etc, would be dicks about *not* helping people! yes, agreed! but on the other hand, surely, surely, there must be some provision in place for people who got snapped. Especially now that some time has passed. Like...it’s too big a thing for there to not be some sort of policy or help. The “you’ve had no income for the last five years” line reads oddly to me as justification, because...well...he was snapped! so...of course not! but then again, of course banks would have a lack of compassion. I don’t know, maybe it’s just clunky dialogue, but I kind of want more explanation of this

-also nice that they’re addressing the concept that simply being a superhero doesn’t pay, and not everyone has Tony Stark money! (side question: does Bucky have money? I know we have fandom “canon” about this, but will the show and official canon address it?)

-please don’t let anything happen to Torres, I love him

-Bucky’s trying so hard, and it’s so heartbreaking! And, oh, Bucky...stepping in to defuse problems, wanting peace, trying to care for people...the core of his character, from protecting skinny!Steve to being a good sergeant to saving Steve in The Winter Soldier...okay, show, you’re winning me over. Partly that’s Sebastian’s acting; again, just phenomenal, nuanced and subtle and complex.

-Bucky versus Lucky Cat! I’m laughing but also ouch, the swinging arm reminder.

-I appreciate a Bucky Barnes who is genuinely a soft awkward old-man dork

-I also appreciate Bucky being sweet and old-fashioned and charming - the flowers! - he’s trying so hard. Oh, my heart. (On the other hand...is dating...really a good idea? Then again, he’s a polite awkward dork and couldn’t say no to being set up...)

-how can Sebastian put so much emotion into the simple act of closing and opening his eyes?!

-I do very much want to know where Steve is and if he’s alive

-also, both Sam and Bucky speaking multiple languages! again with the competence porn and also linguistic porn, mmm, yes

-not much known about the Bad Guys yet, but that’s okay; I’m good with spending 50 minutes on character development, yes, fine by me, show me more Bucky caring for people and Sam being Uncle Sam (heh), I live for this

-it’s an interesting choice of Bad Guys, because to some extent you can see why it sounds appealing: no flags, no borders, no countries, etc - I hope we also get some more exploration of this

-I’m glad Torres is okay but I fully expect him to be a sacrifice at some point

-US Agent time! Oh, Sam’s expression(s) - just perfect. Oh, Anthony Mackie’s just great here - every reaction, jaw-clench, his posture - so compelling.

-now go get your shield, Sam!

-how are we going to wrap this all up in 5 more episodes?! Sam and Bucky haven’t even shared screen time yet! and what about Zemo? and Sharon?

-ooh, pretty credits!

-okay, I’m actually really pleasantly surprised! I went in with low expectations because I really disliked all the trailers and all the bits of dialogue they were giving us, and now I’m...cautiously optimistic!

-I’m still worried that once we get Bucky and Sam together we’re going to devolve into that specific “someone thinks that two people insulting each other is the same as humor” type of writing (and I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate the “that girl kicked your ass!” line from the trailers)

-but this first episode is such a good character-driven exploration - unhurried, deep, thoughtful, grounded - that it’s giving me hope. I actively want to see the next episode, with some excitement, so that’s promising!

[malefiquinn]

My Cyberpunk 2077 review

I finished the game last night and I have Feelings™ about it, so here goes my review. While the heavy spoilers (ending related) will be hidden under Keep Reading, I might mention some minor ones here and there, so read at your own risk.

Let’s get the Big Thing out of the way first: yes, the game is buggy af. The good news is most of them are visual bugs, so while annoying, they don’t really matter gameplay wise. But I did have to reload an earlier save file two times to get rid of gamebreaking bugs, both messing with main story quests. It was frustrating. And nevermind the times my car got destroyed because the game suddenly realized there were two cars occupying the same space. However I did manage to finish the game and make the choices I wanted, so it wasn’t that bad either.

My biggest complain is the blantant transphobia shown in the character creator. I know Claire exists and she’s awesome and I love her, but the cc options are just not inclusive enough. What’s the point of having them if you can’t use them anyway? Linking V’s pronouns to voice types makes absolutely no sense. And not being able to remove breasts from the female body type (or put them in the male body type) rubs me the wrong way as well, though I understand that it would involve a lot more animation work. Lastly, having body type-dependant hair styles is just plain inexcusable when the devs took the time to design genitals that are just not shown past the character creator (unless V walks around naked, I suppose). So, why bother having all these ✨choices✨ when the player can’t get a good, accurate customization anyway?

And it gets worse if we talk about romances. Real people have specific tastes and that’s completely understandable, but real life has a lot more than 4 choices in total. More importantly, bisexual people are a thing? There should have been at least one female and one male bisexual romance options in game. So to make it al worse, the constraint in gay romance options is... awful. Why have 3 types of gender-related customization if you can’t use them if you want to romance someone? I’m a cishet female who plays as a cishet female first if given the option, but I’m still bothered for the queer community (which I’m still part of btw, since I’m in the ace spectrum). It feels like being trans is more of a fetish in Night City than a real trait.

Speaking of romances, I played River’s and I found it... bit of a lackluster. I don’t find him physically attractive (shaved head and no beard are not my thing) but his voice was pretty nice and I liked his personality despite being a cop. But the main downside was the way the game treats his romance. I knew I wasn’t going to get a BioWare-style romance, but V’s relationship with River was like a sidenote and once he’s romanced, there’s just no way to interact with him again. That perhaps is the same for the other romances but there’s no replayability, in a sense that there’s no way to talk to/kiss him again or replay the sex scene, for instance. It bothered me that the game forces V to say that “she’s too busy” and apologize to her boyfriend all the time, because *I* would’ve made time to visit if there was ingame acknowledgement of it. The worst bit is that I feel like River’s romance is the least polished of them all, because Panam and Judy play important roles in main quests and Kerry is pivotal to Johnny’s sidequests, while River is... just there (also more further on, regarding the ending). So the fact that he’s like the forgotten child in the romance section while being the only cishet female option is heartbreaking.

The silverlining is that, at least, the mistreated community was het females instead of gay females. Although, this is just another example of game devs thinking about male players first.

Now the good part: what I liked

The cars. I’m not a car enthusiast, I don’t enjoy driving in real life and I’m a terrible driver in games, but I fucking loved the cars in CP2077. The Caliburn was like my game baby, I had so much fun driving around and hearing the different engines for each car, and the differences in driving... it was awesome. I got and bought *all* the available cars for the sake of it, just because I liked them so much.

The story. I love games that get me invested and this one was definitely one of those. Falling for Jackie when I knew he was not gonna be around for long was an expected, but still perfectly excecuted punch to the gut. And Johnny’s guidance and company was something I was hyped about, but still played out even better than I though it would. So to my next point, Keanu Reeves. I was thrilled to play a game with Keanu in it and it blew my mind. Those reviews that pinpoint Keanu’s acting as the weak link in the game are fucking wrong, how else you expect to see (and hear) an angry, resentful man permanently stuck in time? Even worse, when he knows the people he hated the most managed to kill him? I wasn’t happy when I learned Johnny was not a romance option but after meeting him, I’m glad that’s the case. He’s the perfect antihero-turned-best-friend for V, if you can stand him.

Stealth and hacking. Most of the time I choose the option to play stealthy and this time it wasn’t just that, it was the option to use futuristic technology at the same time. I LOVED it. Quickhacking enemies instead of shooting them is so much fun. Enemy detection is a bit wonky at times but still, I enjoyed it much better than if it had been a plain shooter. And those guns with homing shots are so cool that I wanted to play them over sniper rifles, my usual go tos.

The characters. I got invested in V’s relationships, even if the romantic aspect wasn’t as great as it could’ve been. Friendship with Kerry and Panam, clousure for Judy and Rogue, mourning Jackie, being part of River’s family, so many the fixers in existance... and Johnny, my bff Johnny. Even Alt, with her somewhat little role, was great. I was promised a compelling story and deep characters, and I did get both.

The soundtrack. Overall it’s pretty great, but my favorite songs are those related to Samurai. And it’s not even because of my love for Johnny, I really do enjoy them for their musical content. Unironically my all time favorite is Johnny’s as well, Never Fade Away. I won’t exit a car or open the menu when that song is playing.

The easter eggs. From GlaDOS and Silence of the Lambs in the Delamain quests to the Matix-esque pills of the main storyline, to Hideo Kojima and the BB in a lab, “Harvest like a Reaper” and the many “You’re breathtaking!” references (Kerry’s take was my favorite), the game presents A LOT of pop culture nods and I’m here for it. Having real life content creators around for several levels of cameos was a nice touch as well.

So without mentioning the heavy spoilers (aka ending), in my opinion, Cyberpunk 2077 deserves a 9/10. Bugs are fixable and the story and characters carry the game on it’s own because they’re just too good. The main story is kinda short and I believe Johnny’s sidequests should be part of the main story, but I get why they are not mandatory if you want to roleplay a full on dislike towards the rockerboy. But still, there are some things related to gender and romance that are complete misfires. I hope that some of those will be fixed via patches (the character creator bits), but the lack of more romance options or at least bisexual NPCs obviously won’t be fixed and that’s what keeps CP2077 away from a perfect score in my book.

Now, regarding the endings:

The one thing that truly bothered me was that the Rogue one had no real goodbyes for V. She goes into a suicide mission in space and everyone’s post-credit messages complain she just disappeared without a trace? I get she’s dying and all, but, for fuck’s sake leave a message explaining it if you cared so much about them. The game *makes* you care about the characters but doesn’t give you an option to honor that love at the end.

Also, again, romances. I played both Rogue and Panam’s endings so I know there’s no way to have a happy ending with River, which is bittersweet and probably for the best that it happens with him since his romance seems to be the least engaging, but again that makes me feel cheated. Not that they parted ways in the Nomad ending (that was sad, but sad endings are not bad), but that there is no happy-ish ending romance wise for a cishet female. People who romanced Panam obviously stay together with her and those who romanced Judy do too from what I’ve read (and no idea about Kerry’s romance), but not getting that option if you choose to be female and go for a het romance takes away from the game. Sadly. Also my last interaction with River in Rogue’s ending was fucking terrible, I liked how poetic that ending was for Rogue and Johnny until I got to the rest of my V’s life.

(But I still headcanon that River eventually joined V with the Aldecaldos in my canon ending, aka the Nomads’, despite what he said. Since his post-credit message implies he might visit her and stuff.)

As for the rest of the ending... CP2077 clearly states that life isn’t happy and that there’re no happy endings for people who live in NC, so I like that no ending is completely happy since you are bound to die anyway, but. But. It’s somewhat disheartening that the overall arc can be resumed to “all that you did served for nothing, you’re still dying so your efforts were absolutely useless.” I really don’t see how to improve it without defaulting to a happy, sunshine-esque ending that fixes everything, so I don’t know. It still wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear at the end, so... I liked it but didn’t, at the same time. Ha.

And lastly, I hoped for endgame playability and there is none, you have to revert to an earlier save to keep playing. I get why it wasn’t done, to give a definitive end to V’s story in NC, but anyway. What I really liked about this choice was that no matter the ending, V becomes no one again. They will be forgotten by most people after a while either because they leave with the nomads or because they ‘disappear’, aka die in a blaze of glory in that casino in space. Or well, sell their soul to Arasaka or commit suicide on the rooftop.

So overall, I loved this game and critics are somewhat too harsh. But I agree there are some terrible design choices and a long way of bugfixing to get to the specific masterpiece that we were hoping for.

[theredneckoccultist]

88 Important Truths I Have Learned About Life

Everyone gets drilled with certain lessons in life. Sometimes it takes repeated demonstrations of a given law of life to really get it into your skull, and other times one powerful experience drives the point home once forever. Here are 88 things I’ve discovered about life, the world, and its inhabitants by this point in my short time on earth.

1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. It is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.

3. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

4. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.

5. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

6. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

7. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

8. If everyone in the TV show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

9. Yelling always makes things worse.

10. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.

13. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.

14. Managing one’s wants is the most powerful skill a person can learn.

15. Nobody has it all figured out.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.

17. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

18. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson's works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

20. People embellish everything, as a rule.

21. Anger reveals weakness of character, violence even moreso.

22. Humans cannot destroy the planet, but we can destroy its capacity to keep us alive. And we are.

23. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds. Watch and see.

24. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

26. Credit card debt devours souls.

27. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what's going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.

28. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.

29. A person who is unafraid to present a candid version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

31. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

33. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

34. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

35. Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match your own.

36. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

37. Indulging your desires is not self-love.

38. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

39. Self-examination is the only path out of misery.

40. Whoever you are, you will die. To know and understand that means you are alive.

41. Revenge is for the petty and irresponsible.

42. Getting truly organized can vastly improve anyone’s life.

43. Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes. But the wisdom is still in there.

44. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves. Alleviating their suffering will help them not hurt others.

45. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

46. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

47. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

48. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

49. Emotions exist to make us strongly biased towards or against something. This hinders as often as it helps.

50. Addiction is a much greater problem in society than it’s made out to be. It’s present in every person in various forms, but usually we call it something else.

51. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

52. Posture and dress change profoundly how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you, like it or not.

53. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

54. The urge to punish others has much more to do with venting frustration than correcting behavior.

55. By default, people think far too much.

56. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress. You’ll spend a third of your life using it.

57. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

58. To write a person off as worthless is an act of great violence.

59. Try as we might to be otherwise, we are all hypocrites.

60. Justice is a human invention which is in reality rarely achievable, but many will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

61. Kids will usually understand exactly what you mean if you keep it to one or two short sentences.

62. Stuff that’s on sale usually has an annoying downside.

63. Casual swearing makes people sound dumb.

64. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

65. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

66. Most of what children learn from their parents isn't taught on purpose.

67. The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.

69. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the experience of fearing them.

70. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

71. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

72. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

73. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.

74. A good nine out of ten bad things I’ve worried about never happened. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.

75. You can’t hide a bad mood from people who know you well, but you can always be polite.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

78. There is no point finishing a book you aren’t enjoying. Life is too short for that. Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.

79. There is no correlation between the price of a brand of batteries and how long they last.

80. Breaking new ground only takes a small amount more effort than you’re used to giving.

81. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

82. One of the best things you can do for your kids is take them on road trips. I’m not a parent, but I was a kid once.

83. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you

84. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

85. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

86. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

87. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

88. Killing time is an atrocity. It’s priceless, and it never grows back.

[devilrising]

Fallen Draco, Pt. 8

This story follows a prompt written by @mymindsmadness

Summary: AU where Draco is a fallen angel, and the way he gets his wings back is by guiding Harry in defeating Voldemort, but it all goes wrong when Draco starts falling in love with Harry.

Word Count (Part 8): 3,291

Word Count (Total): 25101

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentions of abuse/torture (non-graphic), this part also includes more graphic transformations so its a little bit gory.

***

15th April, 1998

“Hey Draco?” My stomach starts fluttering, a shiver racing down my spine. I’m still not used to it. Not used to Harry, Harry, addressing me like a friend. Like someone important to him. Of course, he can’t know how much it delights me.

“Yeah?” I glance up from the book in my lap.

“Do you want to help me cook dinner?” Again. I’ve been helping him for a while now, but every time he asks I get nervous. Worried I’ll fuck up terribly and explode his house. Cooking does not work for me, despite being, in my opinion, amazing at Potions. Mind you, Harry is the opposite. He sucks at Potions but is great in the kitchen.

“I guess so,” I say, mustering all the nonchalance in the world. “What is it?”

Harry smirks, his eyes glistening in the dull light of my doorway. “Chicken Balti.”

“Merlin,” I mutter, shaking my head. “Last time we tried we couldn’t tell the kitchen apart from a spice shop.”

“All the more reason to try again!” He grins. “May I?” He gestures to my room, and I nod. Walking in, he reaches his arms out and grabs my hands. I’m pulled off of my bed and dragged out of my room. Fighting the urge to pull Harry closer, I instead pull my hand away.

I don’t know when I started having urges like that. They have become a big part of my day though. Constantly wanting to touch the man near me, but not letting myself reach out. Constantly biting my tongue so I don’t let anything slip. It’s exhausting but thrilling at the exact same time. And I’m terrified. I know what it means. I’m not stupid. I like him. But why the fuck do I like him? I should hate him. Right?

“Draco?”

I’m pulled from my obsessive mind by Harry’s hand on my shoulder. We are standing in the kitchen now. “Hmmm.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Why?”

“You just, I don’t know, zoned out.”

“Oh. Just thinking.”

“About what?” A smile tugs at his lips.

I don’t reply, just shake my head and move his hand off me. “It’s not important.” I know I sound dismissive, but he can’t know. “Where’s the chicken?”

Harry shakes his head, but points to the ‘fridge’. We start collecting all of the spices, herbs, liquids, and bowls. The counter is piled high with every spice under the sun. I pull the recipe closer to me and read off the first step. “Put the chicken in a medium, and mix in the lime juice, paprika, chilli powder, and a grinding of black pepper. Then leave to marinate for at least fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll do the chicken, you add the juice.” I nod at Harry’s suggestion. He learned last time how much I dislike handling raw meat. It’s slimy, and gross, and weird. I flat the bowl in front of Harry, who puts the chicken into it and then slides it towards me. The lime juice tips itself in as Harry mixes in some paprika. I drop the chilli powder in as he adds some pepper.

“Step one is complete,” I say.

“That it is. What’s next?”

We work through the remainder of the steps, and eventually it’s simmering on the ‘stove’. I don’t see why we couldn’t magically cook it, but Harry wanted to do it the muggle way. Something about preserving the taste. I pull two bowls out of the cupboard along with the cutlery, and walk the long trek over to the dining room. Realising last minute that I really should’ve charmed the glasses to follow me, I scowl. I’ll have to do two trips. The dining table is massive, with torches in a line down the middle. Despite the muggle electricity Harry claims is in place in the house, it refuses to move the candles. Harry complains about it to no end. I set the table, or rather the two seats opposite each other at the end closest to the entrance, and leave. It may be better than the entrance way, but it is still dusty, and no amount of charms or manual labour can remove it. I’ve tried.

“Draco, here,” Harry’s voice calls out as I enter the kitchen again. I race over to where he is struggling to take the pot off the ‘stove’. I rush to help, and together we get it onto the counter. “Merlin that was heavy,” he grumbles.

“Come on, then.” I open the ‘fridge’, take out the bottle of Cabernet, and charm both of them to float behind us as we walk into the dining room. My magic dishes the meal out in perfect serves as I generously splash the wine into our glasses. Harry nods his thanks and sits down opposite me, his chair squeaking on the wooden floor.

“Let’s make a toast,” I announce, raising my wine glass.

“What for?” Harry asks, lifting his glass too.

“To… defeating the Dark Lord.”

Harry falters for a second, taken by surprise at my suggestion. He nods all the same, clinking his glass against mine. I allow myself to smile as I take a sip, savouring the liquid slipping down my throat. Placing it down again, I scoop some of the chicken balti onto my spoon. I lock eyes with Harry across the table, and we both take the first bite of our dinner. It’s delicious. The herbs complementing the spices beautifully, and the chicken pieces juicy and tender. My eyes slide closed and I hum happily. When I open them again to take another bite, Harry is watching me. My cheeks heat, and probably tinge shade of pink. We stare at each other for a while, my throat working heavily, before I look away.

Absentmindedly, I rub at a spot on my back that’s sore. It’s a spot that I just can’t reach, but the area around it hurts more when I press on it. Leaving it alone, I return to my meal. Harry and I start talking. It’s little, inconsequential things at first. How we feel about the upcoming Quidditch game and who we think will win. How Harry’s friends are going. What’s happening in my book, and my plans for trying to solve the dust problem. But the conversation takes a turn as we finish eating. It drifts into dangerous territory. My father is the first thing to come up.

“Where do you think he is? Right now, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “I haven’t put much thought into it.” Harry nods, understanding perfectly. “I guess he could still be in the Manor, though that would be stupid even for him.”

“Why would it be stupid?” His face creases up in confusion, a wrinkle appearing between his brows.

“Well, surely he would’ve found out that you have me by now.” A tinge of pink stains Harry’s cheeks, although I don’t know why. It’s probably just a trick of the light. There is nothing to blush over with that sentence. Unless… no. Don’t go there.

“And if he knows I have you,” he lowers his voice, “he might guess that I would invade the Manor.”

“That is my thought, yes.”

“Ok. So where would he be if not for the Manor?”

I sigh again. “I really don’t know. I don’t think he would go to any of the other properties, for much the same reasons.”

It’s Harry’s turn to sigh. “I guess I could pull some strings at the Ministry…”

“When would you have time to?” He hasn’t been spending as much time as I’d like here lately.

“I don’t know, but I’d find some. We can’t have him out there.” His eyes shine in earnestly, like he honestly cares about my well-being.

“Thank you, Harry.” It comes out in a whisper, and his hand finds mine on the table.

“You’re welcome. Always.” My body feels alight for a second, on fire. But then it fades to tiredness.

Stifling a yawn, I push my chair out silently. Harry follows suit — except not so quietly — and together we float the dishes back to the kitchen. I place a network of charms over them to slowly clean them properly as we sleep. It’s a trick my mother taught me, and my heart clenches. She’s still upstairs in the room next to mine. Her health is rapidly declining and I don’t know what to do. Apparently, neither does Granger. Harry is lost, but we can’t risk taking her to a hospital. It’s far too risky. I groan under my breath as I start walking through the entrance way and up the flight of stairs. Harry is trailing behind me, and stops me just outside my door.

“It’s okay, Draco. We will fix this. We’ll fix everything.” He reaches an arm out to my shoulder, and I swallow hard. When I don’t push him away, he steps closer and wraps me into a hug. My breathing halts, startled by the embrace. We’ve only done this once before, and we were both drunk. But right now, we are sober except for the wine with dinner. It’s different. Eventually I come out of my stupor, and I close my arms around his back hesitantly. Harry exhales, seemingly in relief, when I do so, and I move to rest my head on his shoulder. My bone-wings twitch, and I feel the compelling urge to wrap them around him too. So I do. We fit perfectly together, standing in a tight embrace. Harry pulls away first, leaving me cold and dizzy. When our eyes meet the green is slightly dull and hazy, tiredness evident despite him trying to hide it.

“Goodnight, Draco.”

“Goodnight, Harry.” I echo the sentiment before turning into my room and closing the door.

**

16th April, 1998

I jolt awake. Sweat is forming on my forehead, and my hands are clenched into fists. I don’t know what happened, just that I’m very much not asleep. It must have only been a couple of hours since I fell asleep, my mind busy thinking about Harry and what everything means. But those things are far from my mind. The only thing I can think of is the pain. The searing pain leaving a trail across my back, between my shoulder blades. It has to be related to my bone-wings. What else could it be?

Forcing myself to stay calm, I roll onto my side and look at where I was just positioned. There’s blood. A lot of it. Unable to do anything else, I scream. To hell with being silent. Shouting seems to make it worse. More excruciating. Somehow, I’ve fallen off the bed. The ground is hard under me, and gravity is pushing more pressure onto my sore body. My eyes blink out of focus, the darkness swimming around me. I let out another scream. Footsteps thunder in the corridor, and my door slams open.

“Draco!” It’s Harry. He sprints over to where I’m lying on the floor and bends down next to me. He’s silent for a second, watching me in absolute agony.

His hand touches my shoulder, both to calm me down and to roll me onto my stomach. “Jesus Christ,” he breathes. I don’t know what that means, but I groan in acknowledgement all the same. There’s a rustle of fabric and cold air hits my skin. He tries to pull my shirt off, but gives up and lets it rip when the fabric catches on the bones.

“Hurts,” I manage to moan out. Harry chuckles a bit, but then clearly thinks better as he stops instantly.

“Hang on, I’ll be back.” His hand leaves my shoulder and he runs out of the room and — to what sounds like — downstairs. My back is pulsing now. I can feel my blood pumping under my skin. But there’s blood all over the bed, meaning that it’s probably pumping out of me.

On my stomach where Harry left me, I allow myself to cry. Even if he came back now he wouldn’t be able to see the tears in the dark or from the angle. I know there’s nothing to be ashamed about for crying, but I don’t want to seem weak. I’ve kept up the illusion of strength for so long. First for my father and his lord, and now Harry. The boy I think I’m falling for. I can’t deny it to myself much longer, not when all the signs are there. “Fuck, fuck, ahh!” My scream splits my own ears, piercing in the night. I don’t know how I dealt with this the first time it happened. But then, it has to be different this time. I already have a skeleton. I have no idea what this could be for.

“Fuck, Draco,” Harry exclaims as he sprints back to me. There is something clinking—glass?—next to me, and then the sound of a cap unscrewing. “So much blood,” he utters, panicked. Something soft and warm presses against my skin, right where it burns the most. The fabric is wet, covered in something that stings. Whimpers fall from my mouth, tears streaming down my face. Harry’s hand rubs my shoulder, helping me through silently. The fabric is removed, cold air rushing to replace it. Magic washes over me, quelling the pain slightly. My entire body tingles with it. Harry says something under his breath, and suddenly my skin feels dry. The blood has been Vanished.

I reach one of my hands behind me to feel what’s happening, only to be slapped away forcefully.

“No Draco. Not this time.” Harry’s voice is rough but certain. He knows the nightmares I’ve had since this month started. Visions of what it must’ve looked like, based solely on what I felt. He’s heard the shouts as I start awake in the night. This time, he isn’t letting me know. “I don’t know what’s happening, so I can’t really help it much…” Harry sounds guilty. “The best I can do is numb it slightly and remove the blood.”

“That’s plenty, Harry…” I croak. It’s more than enough. “Fucking Merlin!!”

My throat is dry and blistering with pain, Harry’s magic not numbing the pain that I’m causing myself. I feel movement in my back, and I know instantly that it’s the bone-wings retreating back under my skin. Why are they returning?

“What’s- fuck- happening?” I manage to get out between cries.

“Shhh,” Harry says carefully. I can feel his eyes staring, burning holes into my bare back. “It seems,” he murmurs into my ear, “that they are retreating into your skin.” I was right.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Draco.” There it is again. Every time he says my name a shock runs through me. And he’s saying it quite a lot right now.

Another scream rips itself from me, and I can feel the bones rapidly withdraw into my back. Harry’s hand instantly latches on, rubbing circles into the skin most destroyed. It leaves just as quickly as he placed it there, however. I’m about to say something, when searing pain races through me. I shout a string of curses, my back contorting into odd shapes. I’m terrified. Why is my body doing this? I feel like I’m going to be sick as the bones push out again. It’s swift, torturous, and excruciating. They rush into the air, but they feel different. They’re heavier.

Harry is silent next to me, but then his hand is back on me. Slow and steady. The pain dulls down, no longer gut-wrenching, and tears stop running at the extent they were. My lungs rush to fill themselves with air, and I have to forcibly slow them down to avoid hyperventilating. Harry moves, lying down next to me on the ground. His hand is still on my back, and it moves slightly to accommodate the changing angle. His own breathing is erratic, and he starts humming a tuneless melody to slow it. I pry my eyes open, seeing the dark wood beneath me. Turning my head, I jump a bit when I see how close we are to each other. His body heat is radiating off him, and all I want to do is move closer. But I don’t. Our eyes meet, the emerald green dull with concern and terror.

“Are you okay?” He asks, hand roaming my bare skin and trying to chase away the goosebumps.

“I think so,” I whisper in the space between us.

“That’s good,” he murmurs, suddenly awkward. His eyes stay staring into mine, but his hand keeps moving up my back. It arrives at the spot between my shoulder blades, although it doesn’t stop. It slowly moves up to the base of the bones, and then touches them. I can feel it still. It feels weird. And slightly ticklish. But it doesn’t stop there. Harry brings it up quite a bit, all the while it becomes more ticklish. Almost as if he was dragging a feather over them. Wait…

“Feathers…?” I utter in question. Harry nods slowly, eyes boring into mine. “What colour?” I’d love them to be white again, but that’s not going to be the case.

“Light brown,” he confirms my suspicion. “They’re beautiful Draco.”

“I doubt it,” I scoff. “When I lost them they were dark brown. They looked sickly and lewd.”

“Well they don’t now. Besides, I said light brown.” He sounds adamant, as if he honestly believes so. “Look.” He reaches behind him with his other hand, pulling his wand out of his pocket. Moving it through the air, he conjures a small mirror and holds it in front of me. I can barely see anything except the ceiling, and I guide his hand with my own. My face come Shinto view, pale and blotchy, and I hurriedly move it further.

Feathers. It has been nearly two months since I had any, and I don’t even know if the dark ones floating in the air count. I’m stunned for a moment, before forcing myself to actually think about them. The bones are mostly covered, only peeking through in a couple of spots. There aren’t as many feathers as there should be — they are far from full — but the ones I have look healthy and beautiful. The light brown complements my normal skin tone in an odd way that I don’t quite understand, and my eyes look alive for the first time in days. And then of course there’s the blood. I slam the mirror away, a look of disgust flitting across my face. Harry seems to understand what it means, as his wand is back out and pointing at me in an instant. He casts a cleaning charm and Vanishes the remaining blood and skin.

“See? Beautiful.”

I nod absentmindedly, but Harry’s smile draws all my attention back to him. “You really think so?” My question is quiet, unsure and afraid. If he says it it has to be sincere.

“Absolutely.” His smile broadens even more, and he flicks his wand to the room around us. It lights up slowly, giving our eyes time to adjust. “But we need to consult the books I bought on Sunday.”

“You can say that,” I try to joke. It comes out as more of a splutter.

Harry pats me sympathetically before laughing to himself and standing up. He reaches his hand out for me to take, and he hauls me to my feet. My head spins and I fall, but Harry catches me before I hit the ground. “I’ll carry you,” he offers. I don’t have it in me to decline as he charms the blood on the ground away and walks us into the drawing room to firecall Granger.

***

A/N: I hope you enjoy this upload, and we are back on schedule! Thank you for all the support. Xx

P.S. This is the recipe I used for the chicken balti.

Masterlist — Previous Part — Next Part

@draconianhorntail @megggg12 @edgy-things @queeneyart @ohheavenlylord @h0pehauntedmyw0rld @unsolicted-chick-picks @itsclayclay @harrybpoetry @slash-slut @jianing2603 @magical-fairy-princess-stuff @give-me-the-queer @youmakeprettybeautiful @hello-i-am-moi @slytherclaw134689 @sinnysin-sin @tony-stark-prorection-squad @rebelwolf91017 @irrelevantdrarry @glo-up-goddess @birdy1032 @d-addict @pizzasandwich72 @madison-is-a-small-baby @joshoriande @sugarhoneyice-t @imaginemymemories @shipperofalltheships @uniiicornen @thewanderingnomadsworld @randominternetloser @levi7755 @localxmermaid @biyaaaaaaaaaa @just-some-bibliophile @uniquehorn167

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 3

Cowritten with @disastrousintention

-x-

A couple of weeks had passed since their conversation by the river yet Duffy still hadn't managed to confess all to Andrew. She'd tried but it had never been the right time. If there was such a thing as the right time! She'd woken up that morning feeling incredibly poorly but had felt compelled to force herself into work. Charlie was in meetings with the trust all day, important meetings that he couldn't miss, and Eve had booked the day off to visit a friend so someone had to run the nursing staff. She'd hoped for a quiet shift but inevitably that hadn't happened so it was not particularly surprising when, approximately 6 hours into her shift, she had collapsed in the middle of admin.

Charlie had been at the trust meeting all day. He hated meetings at the best of the times - it was usually drivel by a group of pen pushers, telling them how well things worked on paper. It always did look better on paper but the reality was always much different, and that’s why Charlie often butted heads with them. If he’d known Duffy was feeling even a tiny bit sick, he’d have encouraged her to take the day off. He didn’t want anything to happen to her or the baby, their baby.

When Duffy finally got her bearings once more she found herself laid on a trolley in one the cubicles. She quickly pieced together what had happened. Shit! She slowly pushed herself up to sitting and shifted her legs to dangle over the side. As she attempted to stand she wobbled slightly, knocking into the equipment beside her. The noise caused the curtain to immediately swish open and Eve's displeased face to appear.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked.

"I thought you were off today." Duffy replied weakly.

“I was supposed to be but we’re short staffed so I agreed to volunteer for a couple of hours.”

"I'm fine now so you can go home again." Duffy insisted.

Eve raised an eyebrow, clearly not amused. “You’ve just collapsed. I’d hardly say you were fine.”

"I don't want a fuss." She complained. She suddenly heard a familar voice approaching the cubicle. They hadn't called him, had they?

“I suggest you get comfy because I don’t think you’ll be leaving for a while yet.” Eve replied.

Andrew had been informed of Duffy’s collapse as had Charlie. The latter of the two, did have a right to know as he was the Charge Nurse of the department.

As he entered admin Andrew spotted Max. "What happened? She seemed fine earlier."

“Hi Andrew. I’m running some tests but I think it’s probably a mixture of dehydration and exhaustion from the pregnancy.”

Andrew's eyes widened at the news but he said nothing as his mind whirled through the possibilities, none of them good.

Max read Andrew’s expression and came to the horrifying conclusion, that Andrew may not have known anything about the baby. There was an awkward silence as Max tried to think of something to say. Shit!

"I'd like to see my wife now please." Andrew stated through gritted teeth.

“Sure, she’s in cubicles.” Max replied as he took Andrew to Duffy’s cubicle.

They entered the cubicle and Max was about to indicate to Eve that they should give the couple some privacy when they suddenly heard the sound of Charlie's hurried footsteps entering the department.

Charlie had come down from the meeting as soon as he could. “Is she ok?” He looked panicked.

Andrew turned to look at Charlie. The other man looked a little too concerned for his liking...

Charlie saw Andrew and swallowed. “Duffy is ok, isn’t she?” He tried to make out like he was worried because she was his best friend. Nothing more.

"No thanks to you." Andrew muttered darkly.

"I'm fine." Duffy broke in, trying to de-escalate the situation.

“What was that Andrew? I didn’t quite hear you.” Charlie replied. His dislike for Andrew was obvious.

"Charlie..." Duffy warned.

He sighed and shut up. Duffy was the only one who was ever able to calm him down. “This is cosy.” Andrew remarked, “Anything you want to tell me?” He asked, his gaze shifting from Charlie to Duffy.

Sensing things were about to get very out of control, Max interrupted. "I need to run some more tests so this might be a good time to give Duffy some space?"

Charlie glanced at Duffy and then Max before he gave a single nod in reply. “Ok.”

Max watched Eve follow Charlie out the cubicle. As Andrew turned to follow them he spoke. "You're welcome to stay while I carry out the tests."

"I have something I need to deal with first." Andrew snapped back.

"Andrew..!" Duffy pleaded, attempting to stand once more.

“What?” Andrew snapped. Max sighed and told them both, “If you’re going to argue, I suggest you do it somewhere more private and preferably when Duffy’s got her energy back.”

"Oh so you knew all about it as well did you?" Andrew sneered at Max.

“Know about what?” Max asked.

"Don't play dumb."

"Andrew please! Can we discuss this at home later?" She paused, swallowing hard. "I feel really sick right now." She whispered.

“Fine! I’ll see you at home?”

She nodded, fighting the urge to be sick as the room began to spin once more.

Andrew walked out in a foul mood and promptly left. Max handed Duffy a sick bowl.

After being sick twice, Duffy looked up at Max, a sorrowful expression on her face. "I've really screwed up haven't I?" She mumbled.

“It depends on what you define as screwing up.” Max answered with a sad smile. “Do you want me to get Charlie?”

Duffy nodded.

“I won’t be a minute.” He excused himself and went to find Charlie. He found the other man in his office, pacing up and down. This was such a bloody mess!

Max lightly tapped on the door before he opened it. "She wants to see you." He explained simply.

Charlie stopped pacing and looked at Max. He nodded, “Thanks.” He then sighed.

"I'd stay out of Andrew's way if I were you though. I only just about prevented him punching your lights out just now." Max warned.

“I don’t intend on getting in his way.” Charlie replied.

"I only stopped him coz the last thing Duffy needs right now is you two brawling in the middle of the department."

“I know.” He sighed, “Her and the baby don’t need the stress.”

"Maybe you should have thought of that before now." Max suggested.

“Neither of us planned this!”

"Clearly! I would've thought that you'd both know that shitting on your own doorstep is a really stupid thing to do."

He sighed again, “I tried to walk away but I couldn’t.”

"You should never fall in love with your mistress Charlie, that's where you went wrong."

“But what if I fell in love with her, long before she became my mistress?” He asked quietly.

"Then there's no hope for you." Max stated simply.

“Can I see her now?”

"Of course, you know where she is."

“Thank you.” Charlie took a couple of minutes to compose himself before he left his office and headed to the cubicle. He hovered nervously outside for a minute.

Duffy vaguely registered the sound of footsteps on the other side of the curtain but was too busy being sick again to pay them much heed. When was this going to stop? She swore it hadn't been so bad the previous two times.

Hearing her throw up, he opened the curtain and smiled sadly. Closing it behind him, he moved towards the bed. “Silly question but are you ok?”

Duffy rolled her eyes and groaned, her hand rubbing her stomach. She ached from being sick so much plus she suspected she had landed awkwardly when she'd fainted earlier.

He sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand over her hand that was on her stomach.

"You still think this is attractive?" She muttered sarcastically.

He smiled, “Not when you’re throwing up. But it’ll be worth it in the end.”

"It better be." She sighed. "You should probably go speak to Baz. Gossip travels fast afterall."

“Baz can wait.” He said, “At least until I know you’re both ok.”

"I'm absolutely fine."

“Really?” He asked, his eyebrow raised.

"I will be as soon as you and Max stop fussing and let me go back to work. Its rather busy out there if you hadn't noticed."

“If you think I’m going to let you go back to work after this, you don’t know me as well as you think.” Charlie replied. There was no chance he was letting her go back to work, not in this state!

"Well I'm sure as hell not sitting here all afternoon!"

“Will you please, just do as you’re told for once?” He asked, aspirated.

She harrumphed as she folded her arms across her chest.

He rolled his eyes playfully and kissed her cheek, “I know you don’t like it. But you’ve just collapsed. And you’re pregnant. My priority right now isn’t this department. It’s you. We’ll cope out there. I won’t cope if you make yourself worse.” He explained gently, his hand still on her stomach.

"Can I at least go sit in your office and do some paperwork? That way I'm not taking up a cubicle." She suggested, attempting to negotiate.

He thought about it for a minute and nodded, “As soon as Max has ran his tests then yes. Ok, but only paperwork? Don’t be rooting through my drawers.” He joked.

"Why? What you hiding in there now?" She joked.

“Never you mind, nosey.” He answered, playfully tapped her nose.

She pouted but couldn't help the mischievous glint in her eye.

As he met her eye, noticing the mischievous glint, he couldn’t help but begin to get lost.

"So are you gunna break me out of here then?"

He didn’t answer. He was thinking about the first time he ever got butterflies when he met her gaze. He could remember it like it was yesterday.

Seeing his distraction she decided to seize her opportunity. She slowly edged off the bed.

Sensing her movement, Charlie snapped out of his daydream. “Going somewhere?” He asked.

"Yes." She pushed herself to standing, trying her best to hide the slight wobble as she did so.

“Will you sit down before you fall down? Please!" He begged.

"I'm not going to fall down."

“You didn’t look very steady on your feet, just now.”

"I'll be OK, just need a second to readjust."

“Please, just rest.”

"I have too much to do." She insisted.

“Like?”

"I need to finish my shift, then go pack some belongings before picking the boys up from my mum's..." She paused. "Oh shit! My mum! She's going to go ballistic..."

He sighed sadly, “You also need to rest before you make yourself seriously ill.”

"But the boys! I need to see them before Andrew gets to them."

“Would you like me to ring your mum?”

"And say what?"

Charlie shrugged. “I’m not going to win this one, am I? Not where your boys are concerned.”

"They're going to be so upset and it's all my fault." Her eyes began to fill with tears.

“Hey.” He shook his head and placed his hand on her arm. “You’re not to blame.”

"Yes I am." She pulled her arm away, throwing her balance off once more.

He helped steady her. “You’re not solely to blame.”

"I should have known better. Especially after what Andrew did to me."

“It wasn’t ideal. But there’s many differences between you and Andrew.” Charlie pointed out.

"Maybe but we're both cheats and liars. Perhaps we deserve each other."

“It wasn’t my intention to cheat on Baz.” He replied. “I just happened to fall in love with my mistress.” He paused, “I’ll let you go and get your boys on one condition?”

"Is that all I am? Your mistress?" The hurt was clear on her face.

“Of course not!” He replied.

She attempted to push past him and leave the cubicle.

“Duffy.” He sighed. She was bloody stubborn sometimes!

"Go away!" She spat back.

He sighed. He knew it was pointless to try and stop her. He rubbed the back of his neck as he watched her leave. How was he going to fix this mess?

[sarcasticace]

wait why is AME b2 so bad??

Under the cut because this gets long and kinda rant-y, sorry

 - The writers should’ve never implemented double elimination. It helped this season feel different, which was something this book needed to be successful, but it only made it feel like the new characters left way too soon. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like we hardly got to know most of them. I get that it was so there was never an odd number of contestants, but they could’ve done something like… winner is exempt every other challenge or something.

 - I am convinced the writers DID NOT know what to do with Ivy or Vince. Particularly Ivy. They kept switching between the 2D villain Adam-mancers love to petty hate to this really compelling (at least imo), complicated rival character.  They should have stuck with the later AND they should have paired Ivy with MC at least once, leading to addressing her betrayal from last season: letting players forgive Ivy and move on (and rekindle their romance if players did that last season) or remain bitter towards her. But mostly pairing MC and Ivy in a challenge for the drama. It boggles my mind that both Ivy and MC are in the same season, but no one bothered to pair them up. I vaguely remember it was one of the reasons S10 didn’t tank. I might be remembering some details wrong, but in-universe, didn’t fans tune it to see that sweet MC/Ivy drama? Any good showrunner would have taken advantage and milked the hell out of it by doing whatever they can to put the two in the same room. I guess Carson being portrayed as incompetent subverted that, but Carson is a fictional character so that doesn’t count. If the writers weren’t going to fully take advantage of the Ivy/MC dynamic, they should have cut Ivy from the book entirely.

 - The partners. This was such a brilliant idea, but omg did they fuck it up. Why did they ONLY pair MC with Slater, Vince, and Adam. I mean, of fucking course it’s Adam, but they should’ve made it so the contestants got new partners AFTER EVERY CHALLENGE. Not when Carson felt like it or something came up. And MC should never have been paired with Adam (or Mack and Derek for that matter). It should have been Ivy (for the above reason) and all the new characters especially if they were committed to the idea of double eliminations. That way players get to know the characters one-on-one before they’re gone. Obviously, Adam is gonna stick around till the end because he’s one of the LIs and he’s on the cover. Also because of the whole proposal setup. Making him one of MC’s partners is a waste of time when you have new characters that will be leaving way before him. Diamond scenes aren’t going anywhere. That’s where they’re putting LI character+romantic development nowadays. MC, Adam, Mack, and Derek seem to have formed a friends group. They interact the most and there are several entire chapters where those three (+Jen) are the only characters to appear. What’s the point? Just pull a Total Drama and bring back the old contestants in a season 10.2, but switch up the elimination order. Having said that, yes, we do get to interact a lot with Eden/Heath and Kiara, but not characters like Yvette and Rowan. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like I knew more about Ryder, Lina, and Han in their short time than any of the new All-Stars. These are winners and VIPs of previous seasons. They should have something to offer! If the new characters mean nothing then why waste the assets. Take Yvette for example… she’s a mom and willing to use her kids to guilt people into not voting her off. Enough to make players dislike her, but besides that moments and a few single lines, she’s a throwaway characters. And to prove my point, PB didn’t even wait for AME2 to finish before recycling her character model for a minor patient character in Open Heart. I don’t care about PB reusing assets, but can they stop being THAT lazy for five minutes.

 - There’s the fact that they didn’t do anything creative with partners outside of the ones involving the MC. Particularly the ones for the LIs. Vince, for example, didn’t get paired with Adam AT ALL despite their history. Just like with MC/Ivy, why would any showrunner worth their salt not want to capitalize on the drama between Adam and Vince? Same goes for the actual writers of this book. Why even have Adam around if not to spice things up with Vince? 

 - And since we’re on the topic of Vince… why did he not have that big of a role? I mean, on one hand, I kinda like that he’s just a diva and annoying. I’ll give B2 that much, they subverted my expectation of Vince being the main villain of this book, but in all honestly… they should’ve went with that route. It would’ve been exciting if MC would have to ally with Ivy in order to defeat a worse contestant. Then I was expecting Slater to be the secret big bad and Vince would be a red herring, but again… nope. Vince is just a diva and Slater plays rough. Those aren’t bad things, but they were also disappointing… much like the entire book. I know they didn’t want to copy what they did in the last book, but having this book’s finale just include your friends/LI rather than having it you vs. your rival is kinda lackluster imo.

 - One last thing about Vince… he almost seriously injured Adam in one of the earlier chapters and it’s never brought up again. Ever! They could’ve included a scene later on, like B1 had with Zeke, where MC could decide whether to reveal they saw Vince mess with the controls and that’d sway the opinions of the jury house and affect whether or not they’d listen to him. But of course that’s not what happened. This is Choices so consequences are only every applied to the MC. 

 - This “dating Jen” drama should’ve been done in full back in B1, but only for players actually romancing Jen. No offence to the other LIs, but Jen was the most appealing. Having a forbidden romance with one of the producers? Narrowly avoiding getting caught and risking your chance of staying on the show? It’s way more interesting that Adam/Mackenzie all of a sudden falling for MC just because. We know PB has the coding power. They could’ve and should’ve done it If they’re gonna have multiple endings for RoD, of all books, then they should commit to a standard for their books and should’ve coded AME A LOT better. Hell, they should’ve just outlined the whole series better, but we ended up with… this.

 - Also they need to do something with Mack’s backstory… her family is poor? She wants the prize money to put her sister through college. And yet she ONLY ever sabotaged Ryder then fell in love with MC and did nothing dirty for the rest of both seasons. If they weren’t gonna make Ivy a complicated rival character, they should’ve just cut Ivy all together and given that storyline to Mack. This is mostly a B1 complaint, but it follows through to B2 because they don’t commit with Ivy and don’t do much  with Mack. They introduce her family, which was interesting, but idk she lost a lot of appeal for me in B1 when she fell head over heals for my MC for no reason. Mackenzie’s route had “slow burn” written all over it, but they neglected her. Either Mack should’ve been the rival LI or they should’ve cut her and made Adam fully customizable (like Hayden) then have Ivy fill the role of second female LI.

- Again with Mack… her complaining about cheating is really funny and kinda OOC. Like I mentioned before, she literally sabotaged Ryder because he was a jerk and she wanted to win. Did the writers forget about that? This was just one of several points that shows the writers did not care about their own story and characters. 

 - Also they needed to do something? … anything… with Derek. Poor man, he’s the only LI who gets how this show is played. He deserves better. I don’t talk about Derek much, but I honestly love this man. He’s just dull. He needs… anything. Give him anything. Like the only significant storyline they gave him, that I can remember, is his show-mance with Ivy and that was more Ivy’s storyline than his.

 - And Bianca being friend-zoned despite PB bringing her back. Really? PB must know a lot of fans like her. At the very least a lot of tumblr fans. Idk why they wouldn’t want to capitalize on that. Did they really think it wasn’t a good idea to give her a few diamond scenes? Did neglecting her again make them more money? So instead of giving Bianca… literally anything, they give Slater, a completely new character, a couple of diamond scenes and let players be a little flirty with him. 

 - Having Eden/Heath and Kiara getting into an accident was a good twist, I was genuinely worried about them, but I gotta laugh that it took them both out of the competition. I mean, it makes sense. They were seriously injured. Realistically, they wouldn’t be able to compete, but their elimination brought the final 6 to MC, the LIs, Vince, and Ivy/Slater. Determinant 5 of 6 contestants are from S10 and one has been in 3 seasons, 2 of which he quit. That’s so dumb. Like… were there ANY in-universe fans who saw this and thought this show was rigged? I mean, more than fans normally would about reality shows?

 - How did Mack, Adam, and Derek even get on this show? At first I thought MC was surrounded by celebrities. Bianca was a model, Han was an athlete, Ryder was a pop star, etc etc. I assumed everyone else were celebutantes or something and MC was the odd one out who got lucky when they stumbled across Whitney and Jen. But nah, Mack and Adam (and I think Derek too) are just college students who applied for the show to pay for tuition??? If they’re not famous or didn’t come from fame, why did Piper invite them to compete in the first place? What was so special about them that drew her attention. This is a minor complaint, but it’s just weird to see each of the LIs come from regular families like MC. Not that what we got was bad, but like… did they win a contest or something? What’s the deal? Idk if it’s in a diamond scene I didn’t pay for, but it really should be a free piece of characterization. It would’ve made me care more about the LIs and make them more memorable. 

 - Does anyone think the friendship/ally status does anything besides determine who votes for who at the end of the season? Why would they implement the friendship meter from ES if they don’t use it for alternate dialogue? Because they know most of the characters won’t be in the next book? Probably, but still. I can’t tell if Adam hating MC is any different then Adam being MC’s ally besides him voting for them at the end of S10, but even then, that doesn’t make sense because he has ample reason to not vote for Ivy. And yet he still votes for Ivy if he’s anything lower than ally. Again, mostly a b1 complaint.

 - Someone had a great idea (I forget who, but please message me) that the LIs should be an auto vote and for the rest, whether or not they vote for your should be based on a percentage. The higher the relationship status, the higher the chance. Friends being 75%, neutral being 50% or lower, dislike/hate somewhere around 20 -15%. As an idea.

And that’s the major ones, I’m sure there are more other people can tack on.

[binsofchaos]

Raptitude: 88 Important Truths

1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. It is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.

3. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

4. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.

5. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

6. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

7. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

8. If everyone in the TV show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

9. Yelling always makes things worse.

10. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.

13. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.

14. Managing one’s wants is the most powerful skill a person can learn.

15. Nobody has it all figured out.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.

17. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

18. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

20. People embellish everything, as a rule.

21. Anger reveals weakness of character, violence even moreso.

22. Humans cannot destroy the planet, but we can destroy its capacity to keep us alive.  And we are.

23. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds.  Watch and see.

24. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

26. Credit card debt devours souls.

27. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.

28. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.

29. A person who is unafraid to present a candid version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

31. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

33. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

34. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

35. Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match your own.

36. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

37. Indulging your desires is not self-love.

38. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

39. Self-examination is the only path out of misery.

40. Whoever you are, you will die. To know and understand that means you are alive.

41. Revenge is for the petty and irresponsible.

42. Getting truly organized can vastly improve anyone’s life.

43. Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes. But the wisdom is still in there.

44. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves. Alleviating their suffering will help them not hurt others.

45. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

46. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

47. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

48. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

49. Emotions exist to make us strongly biased towards or against something. This hinders as often as it helps.

50. Addiction is a much greater problem in society than it’s made out to be. It’s present in every person in various forms, but usually we call it something else.

51. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

52. Posture and dress change profoundly how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you, like it or not.

53. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

54. The urge to punish others has much more to do with venting frustration than correcting behavior.

55. By default, people think far too much.

56. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress. You’ll spend a third of your life using it.

57. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

58. To write a person off as worthless is an act of great violence.

59. Try as we might to be otherwise, we are all hypocrites.

60. Justice is a human invention which is in reality rarely achievable, but many will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

61. Kids will usually understand exactly what you mean if you keep it to one or two short sentences.

62. Stuff that’s on sale usually has an annoying downside.

63. Casual swearing makes people sound dumb.

64. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

65. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

66. Most of what children learn from their parents isn’t taught on purpose.

67. The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.

69. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the experience of fearing them.

70. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

71. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

72. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

73. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.

74. A good nine out of ten bad things I’ve worried about never happened. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.

75. You can’t hide a bad mood from people who know you well, but you can always be polite.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

78. There is no point finishing a book you aren’t enjoying. Life is too short for that. Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.

79. There is no correlation between the price of a brand of batteries and how long they last.

80. Breaking new ground only takes a small amount more effort than you’re used to giving.

81. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

82. One of the best things you can do for your kids is take them on road trips. I’m not a parent, but I was a kid once.

83. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

84. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

85. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

86. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

87. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

88. Killing time is an atrocity. It’s priceless, and it never grows back.