#i feel bad for every patient and then i get sad when someone dies

[dog-beast]

started a new job at the beginning of this month and having to train on day shift is kicking my entire ass. please let me return to being a Night Shift Bitch soon.

i mean being in a high stress environment like a hospital and not the silly little peepee lab anymore is also kicking my entire ass but i'm blaming having to get up at 5am.

[melancholymetropolis]

Exchange pt. II

plot: In which Gojo makes a late night phone call to his wife.

pairings: Clan Leader!Gojo Saturo x Lawyer!Reader

genre(s): Second Chance; Hurt with Comfort

warnings: unedited (mostly). This is the fluffiest fluff I have written in the while. TEASING. Gojo is a comedian. SWEARING. use of AAVE (y/n is black as hell. wears a bonnet and everything). longing. Argument (no name calling). RAISED VOICES. sad boi gojo. guilty reader. get ready for the feels.

song association: Don't by Bryson Tiller

a/n: ya girl has some good news!

w.c: 3.0k

part(s): Part I

Upon shutting off the apartment’s showerhead, I could hear my phone buzzing in the distance. I wrapped my towel around my body and took swift strides back to the bedroom. Lifting my glasses off my nightstand, I placed them on my face before picking up the device. Instead of it being a friend from overseas, not understanding the time difference, it was an idiot who understood it very well. 

Gojo: pssss

Gojo: wifey. . .

Gojo: are you up??????

Y/N: It’s almost midnight. What could you possibly want?

Several moments after the message was sent, the phone started to ring. 

Gojo was calling.

I rolled my eyes at the sentiment. Ever since our lunch several days before, the taller gentleman was borderline clingy. He texted me at any free moment of the day, asking me what I was doing and when I was free for our next hangout session. I’d always blow him off. Telling him I had a prior engagement with someone else. I would say that the bride needed me to help her with Honeymoon stuff or the Maid of Honor misplaced her work and I needed to help her look for it. I would use any and every excuse in order to avoid speaking to him for longer than I needed to. It was clear that Gojo intended to make up for lost time while I was in Japan. He took his proposal to hang out very seriously and wanted me to fulfill my end of the bargain. Part of me almost felt bad from blowing him. Gojo was mostly harmless in his delivery and didn’t pose any real threat to my lifestyle. He seemed to be very forgiving with my excuses and never pressed me for blowing him off. The only thing he ever did was send almost a dozen crying emojis and claim I was abandoning our child. Apparently we were having a little girl, which he named her Naomi. 

Even though the white haired man was beyond ridiculous, he never failed to make me laugh.

I reached toward the nightstand for my wireless earbuds and connected them to the device. I placed one in my right ear and accepted the call. 

“Sweetheart!!!” Gojo whined on the other line. “What took you so long to answer the phone? I could’ve died on the other line!”

“But are you dead?” I replied, rising from my seat on the bed.

“That’s not the point!” He exclaimed. “And besides, what are you doing right now anyway?”

I walked over to the vanity mirror and lifted my leg on the low bench. I twisted the lid from the cocoa butter and scooped some in my hands. “Well, I just got out of the shower and have started my skincare routine. Why?” I warmed the cream between my palms and started to glide it down my leg.

“How do you feel about going on a food run?”

“Right now?” I scooped more product into my palm.

“Yup!”

I switched legs and massaged the butter into my skin. The guilt of blowing him off was eating away at my being. Gojo seemed to be making a genuine effort to get to know me and I was shutting him off. I was never usually the person to deny someone’s efforts and often cheered for a job done well. As much as I wanted to treat him like everyone else, I realized I couldn’t; because he wasn’t like anyone else. He was my husband, at least on paper. From what I could tell, he was pretty kind and patient with me, despite his idiotic tendencies. Those feelings from Vegas started to reappear once again. They always came back harder the longer I shoved them down. 

I started to rub the butter on my arms. “Let me guess, you’re having pregnancy cravings? Want me to buy you some pickles and ice cream?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of katsu sandos,” he admitted with a chuckle. “But ice cream sounds nice. Hold the pickles.”

I shook my head with a smile. “Okay, pregnant lady. If I do this, you better not expect anything from me to get dressed up for you. It’s too late for that.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You are getting yoga pants and a goddamned sweatshirt. Better be lucky I am not wearing my bonnet outside.”

“Damn, you aren’t?” He pretended to sound shocked. “Now I gotta take mine off and fix my baby hairs.”

Explosive laughter erupted from my being and I felt myself hold onto the vanity to steady myself. “Gojo, what the hell do you know about baby hairs?”

“I know enough,” he conceded. “I am trying to do all my research now, so Naomi can have all the flyest hairstyles on the playground.”

“Gojo, get the hell off my phone with this mess,” I giggled. “You are too much.”

“I am just enough for you, baby. Don’t you forget it.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I’ll text you the address to my apartment. Hurry your ass up before I change my mind.”

“Okay. Love you, boo!”

“Imma beat your ass.”

My eyes flickered to Gojo’s right hand. It rested on the arm rest between us and started to flex repeatedly. The silence between us was comfortable. It cuddled against our awkward bodies and almost became a second skin. This was the first time we were truly alone together in the past six months. There were no waiters asking for our order or any wandering eyes gazing upon us from the wedding party. It was simply just him and I; in a car, driving to god knows where, in the middle of the night. There was so much that could be said in that moment. So much I wanted to say, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I wasn’t ready and I had the feeling he felt the same way. It was easy to mask emotions in a crowd. It was easy to tell a joke to break tension and get a laugh out of company. Yet, it was extremely hard to be open with anyone you deemed dear. His eyes flickered over to me with such longing it made my heart ache. Those feelings from Vegas were flickering up once again and I tried to ignore them. 

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” he said with a smirk. “You look like a completely different person.”

I nervously readjusted the thick frames on my face. “In a good way or a bad way?”

“In a sexy way,” he answered, earning a scuff out of me. “I feel like this would be a bad time to mention I have a glasses kink.”

Laughter bubbled out of me and I found myself shaking my head. “You are unbelievable.”

“I am being so serious right now. Those glasses are doing things to me,” his eyes flickered over to me. “You are seducing with those thick frames and I am trying my best to behave.”

“Oh god, please stop,” I giggled. “How can I be seducing you in some leggings and a sweatshirt?”

“Baby, you could be wearing a plastic bag and I would rip that thing off with my teeth,” he replied with a wide smile. “You are gorgeous, sweetheart, and I will remind you of that every chance I get.”

My eyes flickered down to his lone right hand on the arm rest. The palm was soft pink and wide. There were callouses across pads of the fingers, almost like he played some sort of stringed instrument. Before I could stop myself, I felt my hand fall into his grasp. Electric sparks pulsed through my body as we touched. His grip on my hand tightened and his thumb rubbed against my knuckles. He pulled my hand gently to his lips and gave my fingers a kiss. A sweet smile fell on my lips at the embrace. My mind easing to a calm that wasn't there before. 

Unlike any other union I had prior, Gojo didn't give me butterflies or bring a blush to my cheeks. He gave me a sense of ease that no one else had presented. In all my other relationships before him, platonic or romantic, someone had always wanted something from me. I had to fit a mold to solidify our relationship. I had to be the perfect daughter for my parents. The unpaid therapist for my friends. The forgiving partner to my ex lover. The cut throat divorce lawyer. I always had to fulfill a label and my personhood was seen as a performance to them. I was never simply Y/N. I could never truly exist amongst them. 

That had been before I met Gojo.

He seemed to like me as I am. Actually, he encouraged me to authentically express myself. He didn't take it personally when I snapped at him. He was offended when I was coarse with him at the wedding, he simply adjusted his approach. Instead of being so direct, he became playful. Non-threatening. He was slowly making me feel comfortable around him. Easing the thick tension between us. The fear that I originally felt in the beginning had clouded my judgment. I couldn’t think clearly. 

Sure, being married to a stranger is scary. There is a lot that could go wrong. However, if all had gone right in Vegas, and if we didn't live in two completely different countries, we'd probably be dating already. Gojo would have most likely met my friends. Spent a night at my condo. Made me breakfast the night after our sleepover. He probably would have invited me to his place the next weekend. 

We'd already been 6 months in a sickly sweet relationship. 

Would I have loved him by now?

“What's that look?” His husky voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. “I don't like that look. What's wrong, sweetheart?”

“Nothing, I just…” I trailed off, turning away from his gaze. “Just thinking is all.”

He hummed, unamused, and squeezed my hand again. “You don’t have to hide your thoughts from me, Y/N. I am a big boy, I can handle the heat.” Gojo kissed my fingers again. “And besides, in order to get through it, we have to talk about it.”

A shaky sigh slipped from my lips and I wiggled my hand from his grasp. I wrapped both arms around myself and turned my body away from him. My eyes quirked at the twinkling street lights and billboards of Osaka. My skin was bathed in a crimson light that directly reflected the internal wound that bled into my foul mood. There was a war happening within my head and I could barely present him with the cause of it. At least, not the true cause. There were so many things that I wanted to say, secrets that I wanted to tell him. However, I knew it was too soon. He was still a stranger. A man that I met a little more than a few times in the last couple of months. A friend of a friend— an acquaintance. It would be too easy for him to leave me if he knew the truth. The whole truth. It was the thing that made me leave my hometown and start over. The thing that made me cut my parents off and change my name. The thing that I shoved so far down that I ripped me apart when it reopened. 

The car came to an eased halt and pulled into an empty space in front of the restaurant. The open sign was flickering on and off, a marketing ploy. It wanted to draw people in to observe its beautiful open concept kitchen and glorious display of fresh ingredients. The tactic must’ve been a successful one, since the place was nearly packed at half past midnight. By the smile on their faces, I know the passengers were more than happy with their purchase. It made me want to try it.

A warm hand gripped my knee and gave it a firm squeeze. I felt my body tense from the pressure. I slowly turned to face the car’s driver. There was a noticeable frown situated on his face and a terrible look of worry situated between his brows. My silence had not made him happy. Not one bit.

His hand slipped into mine and he brought his knuckles to mouth for a kiss. 

“Whatever you need to say or ask, I am right here,” he said quietly. “I will remain here for as long as you need me to be. You’ll always have my support.”

His bright blue eyes were poured into me; like hot water in a teacup. He was moments away from drinking me in. 

A releasing a trembling sigh, I finally asked the question that had been on my mind since our lunch date.

“Why do you want me to remain your wife if our marriage was a mistake?”

At that moment, I watched his eyes dim. Their bright, exhilarating, electric blue faded to a gloomy navy that shook me to my core. Pain contorted his features into an expression I didn’t recognize. He had never expected those words to come out of mouth. Not after all the time we spent together. Not after the pact we made to at least “hang out”. Not after I made the first step to ignite an embrace just moments before. Reaching out for his hand had broken the stalemate between us. We were no longer adults navigating unknown territory, who were scared of the word “marriage”. It symbolized the potential for something else. It made room for something new to blossom between us. The beginnings of a new love story were on the horizon, at least before I called our union a “mistake”. 

The painful look was still on his face when he spoke moments later. 

“Our marriage is not a mistake,” he said just above a whisper. “Accidental, yes. It is no mistake.”

I waited a moment for him to explain.

“Mistake insinuates regret for said action; whereas an accident is an unlikely outcome. It has far less of a negative connotation than a goddamn “mistake”.”

He spat out the word like it was poison. His voice gradually rose with each word until it reached its normal volume. The pain on his face had shifted to a soft look of anger. He looked insulted that I would even use that word to describe our union. Utterly appalled that I would think he’d regret our marriage. 

“I just. . .” He cut himself off, ripping his gaze from my face. “Do you really think I would want to hang out with you if I thought this marriage was a mistake?”

“Well. . . no”

“Do you think I'm some conservative wannabe that frowns upon divorce?” His eyes fell back on me, anger causing his brows to lower. “That I am trying to trap you and keep you hidden away from prying eyes?”

“Of course not!” I conceded. 

“Then, what is it?” He snapped. “Because I’m really trying here. I get that this situation is not ideal for you, but I am trying my best to make it work, Y/N. It just seems like you don’t even care about me or what we had during that weekend in Vegas. You are so ready to give it up and leave everything behind. Leave me behind. Like everyone else.”

The last three words were quieter than a whisper. Somber and true. It made my heart ache and my mind buzz with worry. The little pieces that Gojo Saturo fed me about his life started to all make sense. He was the only child and the first in his whole generation to achieve a very specific goal. Power. What that power was— I had no idea. He didn’t go into detail, but I knew it was something he wore with pride. However, I knew that he wore it with regret as well. There was a weight on his shoulders that only he could carry. It seemed as though he was carrying the responsibilities of his whole family with him everywhere he went. He never had a break with his duties; they consumed his every waking moment. It made it hard for him to mingle, to date, to llsimply exist without a group of people breathing down his neck. The relationships he had made outside of his family never lasted, from what I could gather from his last sentiment. They stole too much of his attention for him to create anything meaningful with them. Just like a flower lacking water, the relationships would wither and eventually die; which left Saturo back at square one. Alone. Miserable. Unhappy.

A deep sigh erupted from his being as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. That was not okay and completely unlcalled for. Please forgive me, sweetheart.”

Without much of second thought, I found myself unbuckling my seatbelt and leaning toward him in my seat. My long arms encased around his slumped form and held him tightly. I felt his body immediately tense underneath my embrace. His limbs were stiff and unmoving, while his breath remained caught in his throat. He was not breathing. I squeezed him even tighter, forcing him to take a deep breath from the constraint. His body melted in my arms moments later. He pivoted his body towards the passenger seat and wiggled his arms from his side. Gojo raised the muscular limbs and engulfed me in what I could only describe as a bear hung. He held me as though I were meant to disappear at any given moment. As if someone would steal me away from this. From him. At that moment, I felt like I meant everything to him. As if I were his entire world. It made my soul weep. 

A series of buzzing erupted from the glove compartment. A message flashed on the car's dashboard:

Order: 2333

Ready for pick up! Come to the takeout window with this text message.

"Your phone is buzzing," I said, lowering my head back to his shoulder.

He hummed in response.

"Our order is ready."

Gojo's arms wrapped around me tighter. "Can we. . . Can we stay like this? Just a little bit longer?"

I felt my body melt into his touch. "Of course."

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a/n: ya bitch got into grad school! which is why i haven't been posting!!! trying to figure out the financial aid situation, but it looks like we are going back to school in the fall! also, please please please tell me if you are feeling this series. i have another one in mind, but i am on the fence. also, let me know if you would like to be on the official taglist for this series!

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TAGLIST

@amajikisupremacy @sweetdreams-inumimi @reagan707 @wannabeotaku @hazzelle-kento @rav3nmuse

[dex0s]

SHOOTING STARS

Male reader x zhongli

You and zhongli were inseparable, swans if one of you guys passed the other would follow and that’s exactly what happened. So when your death came so did zhongli’s or Morax I should said. Of course the old dragon was sad his mate was gone so he tried to move on. He tried with so many people and the closes relationship he had that reminded him for your guy’s relationship was with this ginger male but yet it still felt wrong.

Then when he met the traveler and their travel partner he started to feel happy again yet of course that one piece was missing. So when the traveler asked him if he want to be on his team the old dragon happily accept. And during his travels he met some new people and old friends. He was enjoy his time until he saw it. The shooting stars and that can only mean one thing… your back.

When you opened your eyes you were confused. Why are you alive you thought you died…didn’t you? Has you looked around your surroundings you found out you were stuck in a crystal like rock. As you touch the crystal rock it opens then you step out and see your in a crater. ’how the hell im I going to get out of this’ you ask yourself.

After thinking for some time you decided to rock climb…that was a fucking horrible idea good news your out the crater, bad news you feel like shit. Damn how weak is your body you asked yourself while getting up shaking your head to get the imaginary dirt off your head. . . .“Alright im thirst” you started walking in a a direction in hopes of finding water.

You thought of how good it would feel to drink water and how you mouth wouldn’t be dry like the desert or your lips would be smooth like a babies bums. I felt like you were walking for hours (when it been 5 mins, you lazy dragon…) Hey! I heard that! (Oh shush and get back to the story) anyways you turned to head a different direction but you saw it! WATER! You ran like someone was chasing you and put your whole entire head into the water to take a sip…as you were enjoying your water suddenly you got pulled into a hug.

“My baby, your back home” A deep voice called from behind you. You look down to the hands around your waist and see white and gold ring… you know that ring but who is this person. You turn your head around to see the man’s face. “…Morax..” you desperately called, “Yes my dearest,” he answers but before you can respond he interrupt you, “you look sleepy baby how about we go book a room and we can talk what we can do once we get there, okay.” You nodded your head and you two started to walk to the Wangshu Inn.

“So-“”You know I have been waiting and waiting your for you come back to me dearest” The older dragon started to hungrily look at you.” And it made me very sad” he got front of you and rubbed his hands over your body, exploring every inch of it. “You have such a beautiful body my love” Zhongli whispered lovingly in your ear. He pick you up and put you on the bed, “I think I deserve a treat for waiting patiently dont you think?” He asked you, you were still in shock and mindless nodded. 

You could feel something large and hard against your ass then suddenly you hear a rip and coldness hit your bottom half.”Wait! Why don’t we just talk instead” you were in shock because you know Morax the ruthless god but always gentle with you. So it shocked you that he was being rough with you. “We can talk later right now I need to fill you up with my eggs” He licked at your earlobe and started to rub his cock against your hole spreading the precum too have a “easy entrance.”

With no preparation or stretching he forcefully entered his dick in your ass. Luckily the precum helped a little bit but it still hurts. You let out a painful cry and started to struggle, “Shh I know, I know it hurts but breathe with me and it will feel so m-much better” he started to take deep breaths and wait for you to join in.

You joined in and gave him the ok to move. When he started to move he felt like he was in celestia. You hole was tight and hot, plus you fit to him perfectly. This is why your his mate and no one else. Only his and that is how it’s going to stay. As you moan zhongli just spits complements at you while pounding in you like a animal in heat.

As zhongli drunkenly continues to pound in your ass you start to feel a knot coming up.”C-com~A-hh~ing” you spilled out, tears coming out your eyes. Zhongli wraps his hand around your cock and starts to milk it, “C-cum with me dear~” just as he finishes the sentence you both cum. You can felt the hot cum in your ass as your legs give out. “You did so good baby, so good plus now you’re hold my eggs” he smiles and mouths you a good night as you eyes close.

I miss you so much and now I won’t let you go again.

I do apologize for this not coming out sooner. I got sick and I wasn’t feeling the best. but I hoped it’s okay

[verdemoun]

Don't know if you've already talked about bill but how is he coping with modern times? I always imagined a modern bill becoming a car mechanic, or something adjacent, maybe even becoming a small influencer where he posts abt trucks and such (and also his dog. I just know that man gets a dog in any type of modern au)

i have not spoken about bill because bill as a character just makes me so sad fam like was he doomed to be the power hungry bastard of toxic masculinity we see in rdr1 or did the events of rdr2 actively make him that way why was everyone so mean to him like you can see the way people treats him chipping away at him it makes me want to scream but back to timewarp au

therapy. my otp is bill and therapy. man needs anger management and to unpack that emotional baggage. it would take a while but once bill made the connection sometimes when he feels angry and acts out he's actually feeling sad/upset he'd start to develop as a person really quickly.

he would be so conflicted about seeing the gang again. why does no one talk about what happened to bill in the gap between rdr1 and 2?? dutch fucking left him behind bill would've followed dutch to the ends of the earth and been the perfect obedient loyal son he always wanted and dutch just threw him away because hunting down arthur and john for betraying him was more important!!

the new main gang would've picked him up because they knew he was going to be timewarped but it would be so uncomfortable.

poor kieran would've been so terrified he had to stay with annabelle and grimshaw until bill left. he usually regresses a little whenever someone timewarps because he has obvious reason to be nervous about the gang but it would've been a full breakdown just knowing bill was coming back. bill would've felt bad about it too because he never made the connection between how the gang's teasing made him feel vs what his bullying was doing to kieran.

the rest of the gang would've gone straight back to teasing bill because that was the dynamic last time they were all together. he would've hated it and lashed out a lot. he became something after they died they better respect it but of course they just don't. bill would've barely understood modern era before he bounced.

happy stuff now i promise. he ended up hitchhiking for a bit and learning about the modern world from truckers. he would love going to bars and truck stops and dodgy mom and pop diners along the highway.

he ends up getting a job on a ranch (ironically the modern day MacFarlane which became a massive multimillion dollar operation) and still gets to ride horses almost every day. he picks up herding super quickly and gets all the validation and care he deserves. the owners love him and are really supportive and patient when it comes to dealing with his temper.

he gets a little power trip out of learning to drive the semi-truck and unlike most of the hands is always super excited and happy to go on cross-country road trips delivering things to processing facilities. his favorite thing though would be the combine harvester he will work 14 hour shifts without complaint harvesting grain.

bill loves dogs almost more than he loves his horses he cannot drive past a sign that says puppies for sale without at least stopping to look. this habit has resulted in him having five dogs and they are his new gang. his first dog was a stray he picked up on the side of the road it's a wire-haired gundog mutt just called Mutt. he also has two cattle dogs (Clem and Roanoke), a long hair shepherd called Mercer and finally a catahoula called Abel. they are all working dogs and he does not go anywhere without all of them. they all sleep on his bed and are just as happy to go on cross country road trips in the semi as he is.

he can control all of them with a whistle or non verbal commands and they are insanely well trained. Micah fucking hates him sure Baymax can bark and growl and look scary on command but the second one of Bill's dogs curls up its lips Baymax is hiding behind Micah terrified and Bill is so fucking smug about it.

through therapy and having his ideals challenged bill starts making an effort to be less racist and sexist and actually confronting some of the gang about the way they treated him in 1899 and mending those relationships because look yeah he went off the deep end after the VDLs but he does still care about them and wants to have good relationships with them he's just got to work through a lot of issues go bill i believe in you

and most importantly he finally got over the internalized homophobia and admitted to himself he's a bit/lot gay. he's not wearing beads at pride levels of comfortable with it yet but he is a classic bear who will protect the gaybies from violence with violence.

it's like a many, many years slow burn but him and alden get together because charlybird's art is one of the only reasons i gave bill a chance as a character and i am a better person for it

[sarroora]

Hola I got my hip surgery today so I'm stoopu doopu in the hospital currently and figured I'd yeet some medical headcanons at you 😁

We know T.C. canonically hates hospitals and I feel like it's probably because someone he was close to died in one (yay sadness)

Also related the gang has to practically drag him to the doctor to get him treated for anything and sometimes they have to go get Dibble to help wrangle and contain him

Chooch and Fancy are both hella dramatic when they get something as harmless as a cold or stubbing their toes a little too hard, they're both slight hypochondriacs lmao

Meanwhile Spook is the opposite of a hypochondriac he could dislocate his shoulder and he'd be like 'nah like I'm fine man don't like get all Worriesville about it pops,' (except when he's sick)

Also Spook doesn't get sick often cos he's got a beefy immune system but when he does get sick it's BAD and he looks like a dying Victorian child that one scene in CGaL be like

Brain gets injured constantly and half the time he has no idea how, that boy's definitely got some form of nerve damage that prevents him from feeling pain like he should so sometimes he'll just come back with a gash in his arm unknowingly and T.C.'s just like 'OH MY GOD'

Dibble has had to have major surgery at some point and didn't tell the gang and oh BOY was T.C. OFFENDED when he found out

Anyways yeah so far so good I'm chilin and I'm gunna start doing EVEN MORE TOP CAT ART N FICS N THINGS because I will be BORED

Yoooooooo it’s done? I wish you a speedy recovery!! 🙏✨🙏✨ (are they givin you the gud stuff there lol jk jk)

And YES

MY TC BUDDY PLS GIMME THESE HCS ANYTIME I NEED EM

“We know T.C. canonically hates hospitals and I feel like it's probably because someone he was close to died in one” Yep, and that’s why I headcanon hospitals to TC are more associated with morgues than recuperation.

Chooch and Fancy totally be little drama kings when they’re sick. And they love being taken care of.

And yes Spook. Asdfgjlkl OMG Spook. He severely understates any pain or injury. And being struck with something annoying like the flu or a cold just makes him curt and snappish.

His time away from the gang in CGaL is taking a toll on his health tho and he’s becoming very thin and gaunt :’(

Brain’s HC is spot on - and whenever he gets an unfortunate case of catching fleas, T.C has no choice but to give him a full bath. It makes him feel guilty, because Brain is very iffy with water. When he was younger and still new to the gang, the first time T.C. had to get him in the bath, Brain began to cry, and T.C. felt horrible. They discovered that for some reason, Brain is very uncomfortable with the feeling of water on his head. Since then, they try to give him a bath without getting any water on there.

Benny is every doctor’s dream patient. He does his best to stay still and quiet whenever he’s being checked or worked on. And he purrs the whole time. He’s the complete opposite of T.C in that he doesn’t hate hospitals and has no associated trauma with them.

I can’t WAIT for some TC fics and stuff and fill my inbox with chats and HCs anytime!

[marikos-diary]

I ended up getting sodas and going for a little drive. It was kind of nice. But I didn’t want to push my luck and overdo it so I came home. I’ll go out to get a carton of smokes later this evening once the sun has gone down and it feels less scary. I wanted to this time but I got scared with the sun out and everything.

I did eat a little something. It wasn’t healthy but it was what I could manage. Three mini bags of Doritos about an hour ago. Maybe thirty minutes ago? I don’t know. I will try to do a microwave meal for dinner so that it is at least somewhat healthy. I got a bunch of my favorite one in my last grocery order so I will try and do that.

Still haven’t managed to do litter boxes. It just feels so overwhelming. I posted on my local subreddit that my disabilities are keeping me from doing activities like taking care of myself and cleaning and asked for recommendations on what service to use. I got one helpful response but everyone else was really mean so I deleted it. I might look on somewhere like task rabbit for help cleaning the litter boxes just for a few weeks. I’d have to download the app and see if that is even something someone would do. And how much it would be. It’s worth a look. I don’t want the girls to suffer just because I am suffering. I’ll go download it hang on.

I downloaded it and looked and there is no way to hire someone just to clean the litter boxes and brush my cats. I would have to hire a pet sitter. But maybe that would be what I need to do? Hire someone to come by every day and brush them and clean their litter boxes. That way they aren’t suffering.

I don’t know. I feel so guilty for being so incapable. I’ll think on it. I’ll keep trying for today.

In other news, the thoughts are back. The urge to take all of my medicine all at once. I don’t have a plan. I just want to go for it. There is a feature in the new iOS where I can schedule messages to send at a certain time so I could let people know and apologize for not being better. I don’t know. I’ll think about it. It’s an option. Or maybe I wouldn’t even do that. I would rather not be found. I would leave plenty of food and water out fir the girls. I would make sure they were set for about a week. And they could always eat me too. So they would be okay until found. I would buy alcohol and take my meds with that, I think. And then climb in bed and get comfortable and put on a show or a podcast. And just drift off. That sounds so nice. I have o wait through. I just finished my Ativan bottle and I can’t refill it until later this month. So I have to wait regardless. Something about Ativan and drinking is very bad. But I will be patient and wait and see how I feel when the time comes.

So I guess I’m stuck here until then. I might go have another smoke. I lost track of time and idk how long it has been. If I do I will just go out and buy the carton. But I hear people in the hall so I am anxious to leave. My white noise machine only does so much.

I am finding that I much prefer this building early in the morning before anyone wakes up and deep late at night when no one is awake. It is very quiet and peaceful I am thinking of switching to a night routine just for a little bit to see if it helps with my anxiety at all. If it makes it easier to leave the house.

I wish I had a friend to talk to. I am so alone. All I have are my cats. They are my only companions, and I am probably leaving them too. Their love has sustained me for many many many years but I think I hit my limit. I don’t know. If I don’t do it now then I will do it when Boo passes. I don’t know. I don’t want to make them sad. But I can’t keep living like this. It’s been misery and misery and more misery ever since Kayla died. Nothing has been good since then. It’s all just been difficult and hard. Is it so bad if I want to join her? I don’t think so. I don’t know.

The cats complicate things. Maybe I will just stay status quo. And when they both pass then I will do it. I don’t know. I don’t want to leave them behind. But I don’t know if I can handle another however many years of being miserable.

I don’t know.

[shirbird]

TW SUICIDE

Like, a lot about suicide

This is your last chance to turn back

I don’t know how to feel when someone dies by suicide.

On the one hand, it’s incredibly sad. A lot of people who die by suicide are relatively young, and they all have so much more life to live. The amount of pain one must be in to attempt to end their own life is immense. Happy, healthy people don’t do that.

As someone who’s been in that place, I am now so glad that I am still here. I am so so grateful to all the people who kept me alive when I wanted to die.

I didn’t think I’d make it to 18, 20, 21. Every time I hear the current year 2024, it astounds me. Because the world wasn’t going to go on for me past 2020- the year I turned 18. But it did. Here I am, almost 22.

And I’m out, proud, have people (including myself!) who love and accept me for who I am, and I’m happy. I didn’t think that was possible.

I’m a firm believer that life is worth living. And I truly do believe that it really can get better. Which is why it’s so sad when someone doesn’t get the chance to see that. But they are in so much pain, they can’t imagine that could be true.

I often think of this quote from Andrea Gibson’s poem, the day you died because you wanted to:

“But heaven wasn’t what you were aiming for

You didn’t think the other side would be better

You thought the other side would be nothing at all

Imagine choosing nothing at all

Imagine something hurting that bad”

Imagine something hurting that bad

So on the other hand, at least they got the pain to stop. At least they don’t have to suffer anymore.

I was on my clinical rotations for my EMT training last night. While we were waiting with a patient in the ER, another crew came in with a patient in cardiac arrest. With the LUCAS device (the first time I’ve seen one in person), oxygen, people crowding around, all that stuff.

The patient was in his 20s. He had attempted to kill himself. He didn’t survive.

The EMT I was shadowing said, “I guess he got what he wanted.”

I guess he did.

It’s not what any of us wanted, but that didn’t matter in the end.

And I can’t bring myself to begrudge someone in that much pain for getting what they wanted. For getting rid of the pain.

I keep thinking, would he have been happy if he had survived? Surviving doesn’t get rid of mental illness, so I doubt it. Not for long anyway.

I can’t help but be kind of happy? for him that he found a way out. There were probably other ways out that would’ve kept him alive. But still, he found a way out. He found a way to stop hurting.

I’m not sure how to end this. In summary: I’m sad that he is no longer with us, but I’m also kind of glad that he is not in pain anymore.

I don’t know. Maybe once I’ve seen more of this I’ll figure it out. Maybe it will just get even less clear. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that shows I care.

If YOU are in that pain. If YOU are trying to make it stop hurting. If YOU are looking for a way out.

Remember there are other ways out.

If you live in the US, you can call or text 988, and you can chat with them on their website. If you are in IMMEDIATE danger, call 911 (you can also text them in some areas).

If you are NOT in the US, here is a pretty comprehensive list of emergency numbers in other countries.

I know it sounds cliche, but life is worth living, and there is hope for you yet.

Sending all my love <3

[redflannelsheets]

maybe I’ll just write little letters to you here. I presume you won’t be coming back, so who does it hurt? You’ve probably blocked me elsewhere, though I’ve only sent two texts and an email, all kind, since the last time you talked to me, which was my birthday.

I wonder if you’ve had it hammered home that I’m some kind of obsession or addictive thing. That last idea really hurts, considering that I’m an autonomous human being with thoughts and feelings, a person who cares deeply for you and never wanted to influence you in any undue way. I’m not an inert substance granted unlimited power—through some outdated philosophy—to control you.

I wonder sometimes if I’m obsessed, if my inability to stop thinking of you every day is some problem I ought to solve. But then I think about how we grieve. When someone dies, and we’re still sad two years later, it’s considered pretty shitty to tell us to “get over it” or just stop thinking about them already. We didn’t end on bad terms, but you did ghost me, which is essentially a death of some kind. I think of you warmly, but I’m so sad about it that there are times I’ll find myself just sobbing in the middle of the day because I can’t send you a silly text or tell you about the book I’m reading or show you a picture of my cat or excitedly infodump about a new band I like. Just that silly daily stuff. I miss sending you a good morning text. I miss saying goodnight to you. I miss all of the things that made us friends, though you probably think I don’t care about that. I have to assume things because you won’t tell me, because you wouldn’t tell me to my face. All of a sudden I was just the bad guy, not someone who had been by your side for years, accepting that she had to be patient, so so so fucking patient, like preternaturally patient, the way no other woman was asked to be. Just wait a little longer. Please just be patient. And when I waited, and waited, and waited, and was finally told it could be my turn—you left. I’ve had to fill in the gaps. I assume you married her. I assume you had a child. I assume so much, things that keep me from talking to you, because I don’t want to be the one that ruins everything for you—again. Again, again, again. I’m just a life-ruiner, right? I’m just Trouble with a capital T, right? It hurts to think that this is all I am to you. that some stranger could take you under their wing and keep you from being kind to me the way I was kind to you, for someone else, someone you were never even truthful about.

I’m allowed to be hurt. I’m allowed to miss you. I’m allowed to grieve. I’m allowed to wish, no matter how slim the chance, that you might want to be my friend again. I’m still here and my welcome mat is still out. The bubble is still intact, though it’s cloudy. I miss the feeling of safety, of being warm and wanted, not just “warm and welcomed,” which was a slap in the face considering I was being pushed out the door simultaneously. I have trouble trusting people right now. I can’t quite believe people when they say they care about me. I gave you all of me, but I feel like maybe you were just laughing at me, maybe you didn’t mean any of it, maybe you hate me now. I can’t imagine sharing my body with anybody else. I used to demur in the most polite fashion when you suggested people would like my photos on 18+ subreddits, because I knew you were just paying a compliment, but it did make me feel kind of dirty and gross. Like you wouldn’t just accept the gift of me to you between us—I’m a commodity that other people would like. As if I’m not protective of my body, as if I’m not someone special; as if you really thought I’m just some attention seeker who doesn’t care where the attention comes from as long as it’s there. I’m demisexual, a kind of asexual, and yeah, I know we made fun of him for his asexuality, but I never could find the words to tell you. I almost did, but by the time I got them together you’d left. I can’t be sexual with just anyone, you mondo doofus. It was only you. Everyone else felt weird and wrong. But you? I was yours. And it felt right. And I miss that, because I’ll probably never be sexual with anyone ever again. Let alone post my contextless nudes for scummy one-handed fappers who don’t give a shit about what’s between the ears and what thumps beneath the breast. Did you ever really care about those things, or did you just tell me that to keep the pictures coming?

I miss you. I hate this. I hate how complicated everything feels. I still do things, I didn’t just lay down and die, but that hurts too. I have so much art to show you and so many books to tell you about and I can’t! Even if you were interested, which I doubt you are, you’d probably just delete whatever I send you in the interests of being “good.” And even this is supposition, because I just don’t know! How can you just leave me behind like this? Why was I not worth a relationship? Am I the wrong kind? Would your friends and mother hate me THAT much? Is loving a dopey fat-ass with no real career aspirations such a shame?

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. All I wanted to do was love you. And I do, still, even though I try to keep myself from it. I can’t hate you. I just want to hold your hand or hide my face against your chest and tell you over and over again how sorry I am.

I love you. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.

💜

[xsadcorebenji]

i get sad and lonely often,

but it’s hard to access the emotions of self-hatred,

and it’s hard for me to care as much whenever anything bad happens anymore,

Fox died, i had to make a terrible decision,

it was the worst decision i could ever make for myself but it was necessary

that was my zenith,

not every other troubling experience i went through

that moment

i lose friends often and

i picture myself

again in some random town

anywhere

with another social group

until i am inevitably alone

and there’s no reason for me to want to die, as long as i live Fox lives on,

he’s here in my heart and in my memories, and i never want to die because i don’t want the world to forget Fox

there’s nothing

that will ever clear out that pain and

there’s no point in suppressing it or running away or avoiding it

it’s there; an open wound that refuses to close

and i’m tired,

i’m tired of people not making the fucking effort to understand me,

that’s not my responsibility

and thank GOD for a therapist patient with me enough to not tell me to just stop talking about Fox,

that pain lives on,

but as time passes and i remember

the good parts it’s hard not to fall in love all over again

no one was there when i was 23

there’s so much me where it’s like

Fuck Life, if Life wants to pass me by,

go fucking ahead, fuck life, fuck everything and everyone, don’t fucking rush me,

i just want to carve out space for myself to learn things i wanted to learn and fuck how fast everything passes,

i don’t care, pass me the FUCK by already then, fuck accelerationism, fuck the government, fuck all of it, how months feel like years,

and a day passes and it already feels like a fucking century passed

and everyone who “breaks up” (even in platonic context) with me with some variance of

“life goes on” (with every connotation of “oh well”)

suck shit and die already

“life goes on”

i wanna fucking smear your face into the pavement get the fuck over yourself.

the same people will idolize you

the same people are the first to demonize you

and i don’t care,

i’m so tired of all of it,

i’m tired of these lonely feelings that come on, and there’s really not much but to wait for it to pass

just a lot of missing out;

put simply lately been considering how i should’ve have skipped out on some dates during high school,

just because i wasn’t interested in the person

realize now that’s the point in dating,

actually fucking getting to know each other better

and i spent a lot of last year getting close to someone i really shouldn’t have been so forgiving with nor should have gotten close to,

just absolutely frustrating, because there was so much of the time we knew each other, you didn’t even FUCKING register in my head as anything like that,

and i just get so fucking suckered in whenever anyone reaches out to say “i care” whenever i’m feeling it, but christ

i wish people like you don’t exist,

energy vampires who feed off of anyone who seems to carry an earnestness you lack

and i am earnest by god

and i don’t care to carry resent for you

maybe just this large disdain,

and the ugly miserable thought of how easily you can throw it away

and if the thought of me hurts, i genuinely hope it does actually,

and i always want to say “and what are you going to fucking do about it?”

because whenever i think of you; i think of how i really need to be more careful,

but also

how much I NEVER WANT TO BE YOU;

i’m grateful shit failed because i want me more than ever,

and 33 has been a frustratingly lonely year thus far, and i suppose i don’t know if 34 will be better

part of me feels like i should be concerned with how often i alienate others now, but i also DON’T CARE, i am LITERALLY feeling like the most honest i can be with myself lately and if y’all can’t fuck with that

then fuck off, easy

just tired,

and in the end,

there’s just so much stuff i want to do for the sake of doing it absolutely for myself

and admittedly some of the stuff i do i have some petty motivation like

hope all this exercise and skin care and everything else pays off and i become so physically alluring that anyone’s who’s ever snubbed me just feels a searing fucking pain in their stomachs

but even then,

it’s just nice to move around again ultimately

and life

just keeps happening

stuff keeps happening

new things keep happening

it never ends and i’m painfully curious

and good stuff happens for friends and so many things happen

and admittedly i get jealous of good events just wishing i could experience the same

like wish i could experience dates

but i know i’m too picky, and i know it’s incredibly difficult for me to like

FEIGN having interest when i don’t

i just can’t call it a “closed mind”

but it’s like if there’s nothing really interesting i’m getting out of it, then what’s point

still,

i wish i went to more of those movie dates

and bowling dates

but again, i’m definitely more grown than i was in highschool

like understand myself a lot more

it just sucks it comes at a time where realistically

not a GODDAMN person “emotionally available”

like yeah, no shit, why you hanging out with me then?

oh right ENERGY,

drink it up, i hope you choke on it

sincerely sometimes,

“ewww you’re so ugly when you’re mean”

well you piss me the fuck off when you just come up with shit excuses to blow me off cuz you ain’t got integrity,

like all of it.

stop blaming me for your fucking messes please,

all of it,

fucking teacher sends me to the hospital because i have a fucking meltdown because motherfucker couldn’t hold his FUCKING end of the responsibility of a misunderstanding

“it’s all YOUR fault”

well, fucker i hope all those steroids or whatever fitness bullshit you were on just rotted your dick off and you’re just eternally flaccid

motherfuckers that can’t say “i’m sorry”

“shit was a mutual misunderstanding”

nah it’s “you this or that”

or “life goes on”

literally fuck off

you ain’t ever going to meet a motherfucker alive that even comes close to me,

and y’all better be armed with someone way better because some of y’all, i ain’t ever gonna fuck with you like that again

so i hope it was worth losing me, fucker

so many of you,

i genuinely hope it was worth it

“whew well you sound so toxic, so it’s probably relief for them,

they probably spare no thought for you”

shut the fuck up, negging self-talk,

if you’re trying to convince me they don’t spare a single thought about the craziest motherfucker they ever met

then you’re delusional as shit my friend,

well my obligatory friend,

who only recently can i just recognize you’re just bullshitting and to not take you so seriously

i’m angry so yeah “toxic” “toxic”

but i still fucking know

i’m the best friend anyone could ever have

because i actually show the fuck up.

[dean-walker]

It almost felt like a relief to get that off his chest, since he hadn't told a single person in the past seven years about it. If anyone deserved to know, it was Andrew. He had been Dean's closest friend since moving here and there was nobody that he trusted more to know the truth. He had never pushed Dean to talk about things he didn't feel comfortable with, and somehow that always made him feel even worse about holding back. He stayed silent for several moments, fully anticipating that Andrew was going to blame him the same way he blamed himself, but he didn't. "No, that's not-" he said before stopping when he instructed him to just listen. Dean just avoided his gaze and looked down as he spoke at first, afraid that he'd start crying if he could see the look on Andrew's face right now. But he was forced to look up when his friend's hand cupped the side of his face. He wanted to believe Andrew, of course he did. He didn't want to believe that everything had been his own fault but he couldn't shake it. Tears welled up in his eyes but it was obvious he was trying not to, "It should've been me" he spoke in almost a whisper, his voice breaking. Dean wasn't someone who showed how he was feeling on his face; No matter how bad things were, he threw on a grin and a stupid joke and moved on, but it was like all of the flood gates had opened and every ounce of pain that he felt was brought to the surface. "I thought I could come here and forget about it but I can't- I see him every time I get in a car, I can hear his voice, I can't get away from it. And you can tell me it's not my fault all you want, I don't believe you" he shook his head, "He was only on the roads because of me that night, that's on me, nothing can undo that" he finished his sentence, wiping under his eyes before looking down again. "You don't have to think that's my fault, but I do" he said with a sad shrug before looking back at Andrew again. "And then I meet you and god- you're just like him. I mean you're so... good. Everyone loves you, and they should- why wouldn't they? You're so fucking nice and you're smart and you're patient and I'm scared all the time that I'm going to do something stupid and ruin your life too. Shane deserved more than me- and so do you" he admitted, a thought that had been sitting prominently in the back of his mind ever since he'd met his best friend. "I want to be better.. for you, for him, but I don't think I can- I break everything and everyone, it's like I can't stop making the wrong choices and I'm just tired" he said, before looking away and saying, "I think everyone's lives would've been better if I had died in his place.. I was the one drinking that night, it really.. it should've been me"

When Dean pushed his hand from his shoulder, Andrew tried not to take it as an insult. There were demons haunting him and a part of him had always known that. Things had been left unspoken between them, topics not touched or avoided. Dean knew a lot about his family situation, but that wasn't hard because they were all in Easthaven. Dean was on his own, who knew what can of worms he would open if he approached the topic. When he finally did start to explain however, Andrew remained silent, watching him from his seat, hands on the table, his thumb running on the edge of the surface. The mention that he didn't only have a sister but a brother too didn't surprise him as much anymore. He'd kept both quiet, he just didn't know the reason for it. When silence fell from Dean's lips, so it did from Andrew, wanting him to move at his own pace. Clearly it was a hard topic to breach, so he would be patient. The moment he started talking about a house party, he already knew that there would be no simple family feud story and he could already feel his chest begin to tighten. The more he spoke, the more his gut feeling was confirmed and he closed his eyes when he mentioned his brother had died on impact of the crash. He couldn't imagine not being able to go to a funeral of one of his brothers, and so he couldn't even start to think of how Dean could have felt. He had believed the story to end then and there, but it didn't. Eyes opened as he watched Dean continue about his mother, brows slightly furrowed. His expression remained the same at the news that his mother found her death at the bottom of a bottle. For Dean and Logan to both having to go on without a mother and brother felt out of this world, the faces of his mother and older brother coming forward in his mind to instil the same feeling of dread Dean must've felt losing them. He remained silent with Dean's final words, still processing the entirety of what he just confessed until he furrowed his brows. "You're wrong for blaming yourself, Dean." He finally spoke as he stood up from his seat and closed the distance between them. "Listen to me. Don't speak, just listen." He firmly told him, knowing that otherwise he would just interject. "You were right in calling your brother that night. It was the responsible thing to do, and sometimes accidents happen. You are not to blame that he lost control of the car. You did not mean for it to happen. Some things are out of our control." Andrew spoke, his hand not taking its place on his shoulder again, but instead on the side of his face to make him look at him. "We cannot begin to imagine what it feels like for a mother to lose her child, and I am sure she tried her hardest for you and your sister, but that was her battle to fight, not yours. The fact that you were plagued with the thought you brought their safety into harms way proves just what a good man you are, Dean." He gave his neck a small squeeze, alongside a genuine smile. "When am I not brutally honest?"

[kxokiemonster]

Dark Marauders but not because they want to join the Dark Lord. Just imagine the Marauders saw in the war and then deciding "fuck it, being the good guys is not helping".

Just picture Sirius receiving Dumbledore's letter saying that Marlene had died. He couldn't handled it. Not anymore.

"Don't, Moony. Don't try to stop me" he said breathing heavily.

Remus just looks at him, his eyes foggy with something Sirius had never seen.

"I wasn't. Let me grab my coat. We're getting them"

And Sirius realized in that exact moment the reality of it all. Because they were going out to actually kill people and he didn't feel bad about it, he just felt a little worried something could happen to Remus.

Death Eaters are not hard to find. Not on those days, at least. They were everywhere. So Sirius could pick from a variety.

Lupin grabbed him before he could get to his wand with a simple "be smart". Then, the werewolf attacked the closest Death Eater. Sirius observed amazed how Remus (using the curse imperio) made the first Death Eater kill the others without a bit of remorse. Once he was finished, he withdrawed the curse making a theatrical bow.

"Your turn, my dear"

Sirius grinned and got closer to the trembling Death Eater, who was still recovering from what had just happened.

"You killed Marlene McKinnon. Now I'm going to kill you"

"Fuck off"

Sirius let out a husky laugh who only made the Death Eater stare in disbelief.

"Let those be your lasts words"

And he just killed him. His heart didn't flinch nor did his soul shatter. He hadn't lost anything, he had gained it. For the first time, he felt useful. He felt he was doing something.

The news fly and the next time Sirius got a letter from Dumbledore it was saying that they were getting out of line, taking unnecessary risks. Sirius let the letter burn in front of his eyes while Remus kissed his temple. They were doing the right thing. No one would convince him of the contrary when every time he killed a Death Eater, he was preventing someone else from getting a letter saying their loved ones were dead.

Some Death Eaters started to get scared. They weren't invencible after all. Other decided to make justice themselves and attack them in their own home. Remus was expecting that, he had already put every spell imaginable around the house to protect it, apart from some fun surprises that could be found if you broke into the house.

Peter appeared in their door just a few weeks later. Two months since they started their little killing spree.

Sirius was fast putting his wand under the shorter's chin and ready to kill him after he admitted to be with the Dark Lord. Remus was more patient. After all, he had always had the biggest soft spot for Wormtail.

"Explain yourself or I'll let Padfoot kill you. And let me be really clear when I say that I will enjoy it"

So Peter started talking. He taked about how scared he was, how every other pure blood family he knew took a knee for the Dark Lord, how his parents did it. He just wanted to be safe, to not be a coward for once.

But even in the Death Eaters, he was a corward because he didn't want to kill people.

"I didn't want Marlene dead. I loved her as much as you. She was my friend too" he said with conviction and Remus could see the honesty in his eyes.

"What made you change?" asked Remus with honest curiousity.

"How can we even know if he's telling the truth?" spat Sirius.

"I have a bit of veritaserum yet" mumbled Remus.

"I'll take it. Give it"

So Remus remade the question. That time knowing he couldn't lie.

"Now the Order is strong. I've heard about the dead Death Eaters. Everyone had. Now I really think we can win them and I don't want to be in the wrong side of history anymore"

"The Order isn't stronger" informed Sirius a little sad

"Then who has been killing all those Death Eaters?"

"We had" said Remus with a proud smile. "Pads and I. And a few other people who had joined us"

"Just you?" asked Peter, incapable of believing only a few people could do so much damage

"Dumbledore removed us from the Order a month ago"

"So you are by yourself?"

"Yeah. Mostly"

"I want to join. I have information. I'll be useful"

If they thought they were dangerous before, now they were unstopable.

Harry's birth only gave them a boost. Sirius became even more sadistic with his new godfather status.

"Pads, stop now" asked Remus seeing his husband torture a Death Eater. He wasn't scared nor preoccupied, just bored. They had been at it for a whole hour. "We have places to be"

"But Moony" he complained.

Peter took a step, killing the Death Eater with a second thought.

"C'mon, Pads, we can't make them wait forever" he mumbled.

Peter had changed the most. He became confident, he trusted his own habilities for the first time in his life. Remus had to admit that he got scared the first time the blond took a Death Eater (a woman whose name Remus couldn't remember) by the arm and broke it with a blank face, even before asking anything.

He was sweet around friends and seemed happy, so Remus didn't doubt his sanity.

James didn't participate in their little missions. He had wanted a few times, but never really had the courage in case he died and left Lily alone.

When Harry turned eight months old, he got a letter.

"It has Regulus' name" he said trying not to sound affected.

Sirius took the letter, examing it.

"Not his letter though. Someone else wrote it"

It took them a month and a half more to discover who had wrote after exchanging letters with the unknown guy. Barty showed up on his door. If James thought he was a madman in school, he was a thousand times worse now: his hair was long, careless, he twitched with every sound and his eyes had a darkness indescribable.

"You were in Azkaban" mumble James, not sure about how to proceed.

"Let me in" he asked, almost vibrating. "It's not safe out here"

"The house is guarded"

"I know. That's why you should let me in" he insisted.

"Barty, what are you doing here?"

"Regulus is dead" he started, his heart visibly broken. "Evan is dead. I escaped Azkaban and I'm going to make things right"

So James let him in. Because he had broken with Regulus three years ago, but the news were still devastating for him. James made him take veritaserum so he could be sure that he wasn't lying.

Barty explained the quest Regulus had started and died for. He told everything he knew about the horrocruxes and how the Dark Lord could finally be destroyed.

"Moody killed Rosier. Why do you want to be on his side?"

Barty twitched, the subject still fragile for him.

"I'm going to kill Moody slowly" he stated as a matter of fact. "But Regulus died trying to destroy that horrocrux and Evan helped him find it so they were sure the Dark Lord needs to be stopped. I believe in them. If this is the correct side so be it"

The new information only gave them more hope. Lily didn't really like it, but she understood when James repeated that he wanted to go out and fight.

Voldermort was losing followers and the resistance was gaining them. James was unstopable. Every Death Eater was scared of him, of how he could torture them until he got the information he wanted. He never killed, he just hurt enough so the wish he would kill them.

When the Dark Lord came, they were preppared. James fought with courage. He wouldn't have won if it wasn't for Peter, who showed up at the last minute and killed Voldemort from behind.

The wrote to the Order, telling them the great news.

"Unfortunately, you picked a different path from the Order. I'm afraid you all will face consecuences for your actions during this war" wrote back Dumbledore.

Lily laughed after reading it. Baby Harry sleeping in her arms.

"So we are by ourselves" she observed.

"Just where we started" stated Sirius with a shrug.

"If he wants us to be the bad guys. We'll be" informed Peter, his words not matching his soft appearance.

The Marauders spent half their time capturing (and killing) Death Eater who were set free after the war and the other half looking for horrocruxes.

Pandora explained to them the spell she was practicing to destroy the one Regulus had found and Remus joined her, helping with a spell that could have killed her in other circumstances.

Barty disappeared after the war, but he kept his promise off killing Moody. He was sent to Azkaban and, same as the first time, he managed to escape.

The Marauders are, at the same time, respected and feared. No one dared to arrest them but whispers followed them where they went.

[hotxcheeto]

Fluff alphabet with kate ?

━ 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐋���𝐅𝐅 𝐀𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐓

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Kate Marsh x G/N!Reader 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, Mentions of sadness, mentions of bad family

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - I hope this is the right template, took a while to find it. I've been so mentally drained lately, doing my best darling.

A = Activities (What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

Read, Kate loves to read to you. Especially on rainy days, just laying together. Listening to the sounds of thunder as she reads to you quietly, blushing every time she catches you staring at her. Or just showing off her drawings to you. Walks in the park or just in Arcadia along the road are her favorites as well. Seeing all the animals, her favorites are the bunnies or birds. B = Beauty (What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?)

Everything. You are so amazing in her mind, someone who is so gentle with her but can be so rough to everyone else. The way you hold yourself is her favorite, she admires and loathes your confidence and the way you'll tell anyone and their grandma to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Kate adores everything about you, you're so... you. C = Comfort (How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

Very touchy, lovey. Whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Hold you and let you cry about it, or just complain until your throat hurts. Kate will listen to all of your tyrants about shitty people at work or your bad home life, whatever it is. She'll sit there patiently and listen, commenting here and there. D = Dreams (How do they picture their future with their s/o?)

Kate loves her drawings, imagining herself as a children's book author. You with whatever career you're pursuing, sitting in a little house, with an extra room because she adores children and she wants to make sure you'll both have room. A few cats as well, loves cats, drinking coffee and sitting in front of the fireplace together listening to whatever show is on. A dream, really. E = Equal (Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?)

Very passive, love Kate and she can get a little feisty but you easily shadow her into a corner. Kate likes you making decisions for her, talking to people for her, just stepping up in general. Makes her feel safe, that she always has someone to fall back on. She's a nervous wreck more than half the time. And you cannot resist those puppy dog eyes. F = Fight (Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?)

You two rarely fight, you're usually the more angry one when it happens. Kate doesn't really get angry, unless its dead, deep serious. But she's very forgiving, and very quickly. Guilt sets in, even if it isn't her fault, which is usually isn't. She forgives way too easily in your opinion, one of you main arguments. She just takes hits, and you hate it. You love her too much for her to take that pain. G = Gratitude (How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

VERY. Literally cherishes everything you do for her because she knows that sometimes her nervousness or submissive demeanor could get on other peoples nerves. Her people pleasing nature when it comes to most. She knows most of what you do for her, and she'll literally treat you so well for it. H = Honesty (Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

No, she tells you everything. Almost everything. Kate doesn't like to be trouble, or 'bother' you even thought you have told her a million times that she could never bother you. You love her to a million pieces. So you can usually get it out of her. You tell her everything though, she's like your diary. Will keep a secret till the day she dies. I = Inspiration (Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

Yes, you're the person that inspires her stories, just little jokes you to have gets her gears turning. You really help her come out of her shell aswell, you'd never push her to far, just slightly past the line, test the waters. You know when it's too much for Kate. Just like she knows when something is too much for you. J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

Not really, when it comes down to it. Sure she'll get a bit insecure at times. But a good talk is usually the best thing you could do for the both of you. K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?)

Every kiss begins with K(ate). She's a shy kisser. Blushed like a tomato the first time you both kissed. Couldn't believe it, it was adorable. Kate prefers pecks, rather than deep kisses, but she's a pretty okay kisser. Just, new at it all. L = Love Confession (How would they confess to their s/o??)

Very random. Just spits it out if it comes down to it. Red in the face from something you'd said. Or you'd say it first, just because its very easily to tell when Kate has a crush. You knew, even if she denies it, you knew for sure. M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?)

Yes, a thousand times yes. They do say every kiss begins with K. She'd want you to purpose, if she did, and that is a very big if, it would be small. Just a simple 'here please marry me? Love you.' Super sweet and shy about it. Best wife every, lovely lady that you could be with forever. Will make you breakfast every morning, and do know she will remember every single anniversary. N = Nicknames (What do they call their s/o?)

Honey, Love, Darling, Babe (rarely but very cute when she does) muffin (jokingly) O = On Cloud Nine (What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

Literally like a romcom. Kate is head over heels in love with you and nothing is pulling her out. And it is very obvious to other people. She's adorable, what can you say, like a puppy. Very sweet, very soft when talking to you. Likes to talk to you, just talk. P = PDA (Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?)

Very nervous like I said, doesn't like more than holding hands in public or little kisses on the cheek or forehead. They don't say much to other people, if they bring you up she'll definetely make sure to send a little compliment your way. But everyone can see it, you treat Kate amazingly and Kate loves you to the moon and back. Goes bright red when you kiss her in front of other people, not a big fan of it. Q = Quirk (Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.)

Very easily talks you out of doing something stupid/out of anger. She c calm a tiger down from a fight. R = Romance (How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

Very. Romcom, loves romance books. Does everything to please you even when you tell her time and time again that she's perfect. Very cliché, make you breakfast in bed, expects flowers. Loves those token couples in shows no matter who they are, strives to make your relationship as lovey dovey as you'll let her. She's your soft spot, of course you'll let her do whatever romantic stuff she wants. S = Support (Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?)

VERYYYY. Kate is your biggest fan, number one cheerleader no matter what. Kate will forever be there ready to cheer you on, pick you up, give you advice. No matter what. T = Thrill (Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?)

Loves her routines, like I said, takes a minute to inch her out to try other things. Go slow, test waters. Likes small, spread out changes to the routine, but very much likes your routine. U = Understanding (How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

Very, very empathetic and understanding. Can reach into your depths and tear out your soul if need be. Pulls at your heart strings, really. She knows you better then she knows the back of her hand. Always knows what's wrong when you're upset, and always knows how to calm you down out of it. V = Value (How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

Extremely important, you are part of the top of the pyramid. Her family and religion is a huge part as well though, but when it comes to certain aspects you usually have a say. W = Wild Card (A random Fluff Headcanon.)

Loves to bake with you. Like, loves it, especially finding new recipes to try. Staying up late in your kitchen laughing about how bad your cupcakes are while hers are perfectly frosted. If she didn't do kids books, she could be a baker. X = XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

Yes, but in private. Doesn't like doing that out in public as I said. But loves to cuddle and kiss in private. Especially cuddling up on a rainy, thunderstorm filled day and just talk or read. Or even just hugging you as you cook or laying with you while you do homework or the other way around. Likes cuddling. Loves cuddling. Cuddling is needed. Y = Yearning (How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?)

Calls you all the time if she can. Loves to just hear your voice. Kate often will talk to her stuff animals, a council of great minds honestly. Just telling them about you like they hadn't heard it before. Cuddles with them and pretends its you. Z = Zeal (Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?)

Yes, she'd do a lot to protect you. Especially with her people pleaser tendencies. Its an argument you have a lot. Put you love her and she loves you. And that's enough to put up a fight for it.

[megamegaturtle]

in the dumpster fire of 2020, i fell in love with dramione

here’s some fic recs in no particular order of favorites (ao3 edition). this is going to be a long ass post, but a link to all my bookmarks on ao3. again, long post.  you’ve been warned: 

remain nameless by @heyjude19-writing - the coffee shop au that’s 300,000 words that’s friends to lovers and becoming better people (complete)

measure of a man - okay so like. i’m going to explain this story terribly. but like. hermione is a healer, she’s also part farmer. she super heals hard to heal patients. and oh boy. there are the malfoys. we have narcissa as herself. scrop as the cutest baby kid alive, and draco as a poltergeist. JUST. THIS STORY. START READING. IT IS SO GOOD. AND DELCIOS AND ALSJDFJLA you will come away feeling super empowered. (WIP)

subtle perfection  - the ice skating/muggle au that’s is asldkfjsaljf really smoking hot but like the ice hurts my feels (wip)

seven year witch by @thelastlynx- draco and hermione keep meeting up in the summers between school years (WIP)

when midnight comes - TIME LOOP AU. head boy and head girl au. (complete)

 O for Outstanding - hogwarts teacher au. also, draco has a thing for shoes *wink* (WIP)

regrets only - MADE OF HONOR AU. draco realizes a little too late he’s in love with hermione. but now he has to stop but support a wedding! (WIP)

never in heart - the one where where hermione and draco are best friends, but stupidly did an unbreakable vow to get married if they’re not married by 30. time is running out to find a spouse, but like, why take the easy route and marry your best friend? (complete)

nine months - hermione and draco have what is supposed to be a one night stand...several times, but oops. someone is pregrant :D (WIP)

love and other misfortune by @senlinyu - a veela!fic. and in the first few fics i read in the fandom. it made me continue reading more dramione. this is sen’s fault (complete)

living the dream - the one where draco is a high class escort looking for his mate. also a veela!fic. i am here for positive sex work (one shot)

the gloriana set - absolute hilarious perfection with the best little hufflepuffs (complete)

armature cartography - the one where draco somehow ends up as hermione’s boyfriend but she’s not sure how dating works (one shot)

thirteenth night - the one where draco is obliviated to pay for his crimes, but hermione is his caseworker (complete)

traditions - the christmas fic that gets my feels (complete)

everything little thing she does (is magic) - the one were draco and hermione go to parties together as a ruse! (complete)

the preferred hour - the one where scorp and rose start dating and draco is this super nice widower and...asdlfjasdljf JUST READ THIS ONE (one shot)

blood rights - creature!fic. also, draco and hermione have to get married (complete)

precious things - *cue ugly sobbing* the journey of draco’s growing love for his family through many years after he accidently knocks up hermione and....it’s a christmas fic. that hurts my heart, but it’s so good. (one shot)

fight this feeling - the best friend au! but like, unrequited feelings. these two silly gooses (complete)

courting customs most sacred by @heyjude19-writing - pansy thinks she’s doing hermione a favor, but like draco gets how purebloods do etiquette (complete) 

as you wish by @scullymurphy - is this a princess bride ref? yes, yes is it. is it about costumes and movies? yes it is. (oneshot)

all you want by @senlinyu - the first A/B/O fic i’ve ever read. it was good. so i read it. i don’t even like this trope! but it’s worth it! :D (complete)

where we go from here - this hurts. so much. ron dies in a horrible accident leaving hermione alone pregnant with their child. draco is the real bro and helps and alsdjfasldjf family. feels. dad feels. i can’t. (complete)

in search of sunrise - a very cute onesot where draco and hermione stay up all night (oneshot)

tough love - hermione has to date a few bad men to get to the right one (complete)

each day anew - the 50 first dates au. hermione needs help relearning who she is every day (complete) 

with teeth - the one where there are many, many horcruxes (oneshot)

wait and hope by @mightbewriting​ - ugly crying. hermione lost her memories and draco is the best husband. just. take all my love. (complete)

broken by @inadaze22​ - hermione is back from italy. there is a secert. it will wreck you. (complete)

waif and strays - the familiar au! draco becomes hermione’s familiar because she’s a little lost and lonely and he’s a little lost and lonely too (complete) 

apple pies and other amends - the baking!au where i want to eat everything. also. it’s very cute. (complete)

off the cuff - the cinderella au! someone forgot their glass slipper, i mean...cuff (complete) 

universal truth by @scullymurphy​ - the modern wizarding P&P au. ugh. so good. (complete) 

an education - the one where hermione is forced to help draco learn about the muggle world a little bit (complete) 

Inosculation - the one where hermione has to marry draco to save her life because of a stupid curse. they are very cute. (complete)

the calm to her storm - ron passes away and rose and hugo befriend scorp and hermione has to befriend draco and it’s great (complete) 

a boy of hans - hanahaki au. sad ending. 

Dancing with Draco - THIS SERIES IS SO GOOD. okay, so like. draco has to help hermione dance for the yule ball. the sequeal is super good too. 

The Oblivious Ones - a fake marriage story. hermione and draco meet in the pysch ward at st. mungo’s and go off to look for her parents

what you think is right - this story is so painful. one of the best 1st POVs i’ve read. it’s hermione pov. her parents are dying and it’s affecting her marriage with draco and god. just read it. (WIP)

Deine Zauber Binden Wieder - the ochrastra au no one asked for, but it’s like. really fun. (oneshot)

the green girl - hermione is sorted in Slytherin when she’s 11. this story. i still think about it to this day. (complete)

a year in the countryside - hermione wants to escape for the craziness of the big city so she moves to the cute country side. to only find draco malfoy living there too. (complete)

don’t take the sinner - THE MARRIAGE LAW FIC WITH A TWIST. hermione has to marry harry and ginny has to marry draco, but like, no one stays with their spouse. no cheating involved. (complete)

Draco's Baking Dilemmas - the great british bake off au. i don’t need to say anything more. hermione is the judge. draco is the baker. yes. and yes. (complete)

starving - sex is like food. or rather. sex is like pizza. it’s good when it’s cold, but like. it’s better when it’s hot :D (oneshot)

[animeomegas]

Omega!Narutoverse Future Family Headcanons

This is a compilation of my headcanons about future families for my favourite Naruto boys (excluding Kakashi who is childfree in my headcanons.) 

This is very long, so I’ve put most of it under a cut <3 Enjoy~

Naruto:  : 4 children – Son (omega), adopted daughter (alpha), twin sons (betas). 

Has his son about four years before he becomes Hokage.

His son is a huge daddy’s boy type and clings to Naruto every chance that he gets. 

Naruto never lets his role as Hokage take him away from his son any more than absolutely necessary. Does he take his son into his office? Absolutely. He puts down a little play pen on the floor while he works :’). 

His son loves cuddles so much and he is so gentle. 

He doesn’t like pranks though which makes Naruto a little sad but he would never do anything to make his little one sad. 

Male omegas can be identified from birth, so you both knew he was, but even if you didn’t it’s very obvious. He makes his own little nest next to Naruto’s but ends up crawling into Naruto’s for cuddles every time. 

As he gets older, he attends the academy, but he hates it so much. He reminds me a little of a young Itachi, a pacifist to the core. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone! He begs you and Naruto to let him attend the civilian school, and of course you let him. 

Naruto gets a lot of shit for allowing this from some parties *cough* the council *cough*. The Hokage’s children should be powerful ninjas according to them, but Naruto will always prioritise his children’s happiness. Naruto shields his son from the hate as much as possible, but some slips through.

 The transition is easier if you are a civilian, your son feels a little more secure if that’s the case, and he would consider following your footsteps depending on what you do. If you run a little business, he would definitely want to work with you. If you’re also a ninja he can feel left out and unsure, but he grows into such a quietly confident person, who starts a little business. 

Not being a ninja also means he can be there for his younger siblings. He is a dedicated older brother who is always there for them. He has a room for each other them at his house and loads of medical supplies for when they come back from missions injured and won’t go to the hospital. He always patches them up. 

All his younger siblings respect him so much. He is a very reliable person, and his siblings get so offended if they hear any anti-civilian talk from the ninjas they work with.

When Naruto is about a year into working as Hokage, he goes to visit the orphanage, a place that he reformed hugely as soon as he could. It’s so much nicer than it was and he’s so happy. 

But there is one girl that he sees there, and she’s being bullied by some of the other kids. At only three years old, Naruto’s heart breaks for her. Turns out that she’s being teased for being a female alpha. Times have changed a lot, but there are still some horrible stereotypes about male omegas and female alphas, even if those aren’t the norm anymore. 

He intervenes and wipes away her tears, uncomfortably reminded of his own stay at the orphanage when he was her age. He wraps up the visit and leaves, but he just can’t get here out of his head. 

He’s been wanting another child, but he’s still in a vulnerable position so early into being Hokage that he can’t afford the time off for maternity leave. 

Hesitantly, he brings up the idea of adoption to you, when you respond positively, he’s like great 😊, I have one picked already. 

It’s only about a fortnight later that you’re picking her up and bringing her home. At first, she is very shy and reserved but when she gets comfortable, you learn that she is the opposite. 

She’s very forthright and opinionated, she always says what she feels and stands up for injustice. 

Her favourite thing is to come home and tell you and Naruto about her day. She never leaves out any detail and has been known to demand to go and see Naruto while he’s working so that she can tell him about something that happened at school. 

Naruto ends up unwillingly up to date with all the academy drama. 

She’s quite serious and likes to have grown up conversations and sit at the grown ups table. 

She ends up attending the academy and she just thrives on all the history and politics lessons! She great at negotiating and learning about people. 

She makes strong friends and has a tight knit friendship group that she keeps all the way to adulthood. 

She ends up making Chunin pretty quickly but waits a long while before taking the Jounin exam. She ends up specialising in international relations. 

She works as an ambassador for Konoha and gets to travel around all the countries. She adores her job, but she does sometimes miss her family. Naruto gets sad when he sends her for long missions, knowing that he can’t come and see her for that time, but there’s no one he would trust more to act on behalf on Konoha and she always brings back souvenirs for everyone.

The twins are quite a bit younger than the other two. Six years younger than their older sister, and eight years younger than their older brother. 

In a better position now, Naruto wants to try for one final child. 

Of course, you get twins. 

It takes a bit of re-planning, but Naruto is overjoyed at the fact that he’s pregnant with twins! He gives birth to identical twin boys. You can’t tell from birth whether a baby is a male alpha or male beta, and they end up showing signs of being betas when they’re about 12.

These boys are little troublemakers, and Naruto rejoices and finally having some of his children who likes pranks like he does!

They excel at strategy and trap making when they join the academy but the oldest struggles a little with the more academic side. 

Naruto is so patient in helping him because he knows what it’s like to be a physical learner in an academic environment. 

They are the babies of the family and they get away with everything haha. 

When they end up graduating, they are put on the same genin team and they continue to work together for their entire careers. They are similar to Izumo and Kotestu. They know each other so well and both have complimentary skills, so they make a formidable duo on the battlefield. 

Naruto hates sending them on dangerous missions though. If they ever didn’t come back, I don’t think Naruto would recover, knowing that he sent them to the place that they died. 

These two also definitely take on a genin team when they first get promoted to jounin, and they’re great teachers! I can’t decide if they would have one together, or if they would have one each and compete in ridiculous challenges like whose genin team can get the most d ranks done in one day. 

They remind people of Kakashi and Gai in a lot of ways. 

Sasuke:  1 child – daughter (beta).

Sasuke has a daughter in his late twenties, after he’s had some time to deal with his trauma. 

He’s undeniably in a better place but he struggles badly with PPD, making the first year very difficult on your family. 

Eventually things get better though, and you work together to raise your daughter. 

She is wicked smart, very much into scholarly things, but she also loves weapons, particularly any sort of blade. Sasuke teaches her how to use a sword and they bond a lot over it. 

She’s pretty quiet and withdrawn, preferring to read a book or practice with her weapons than socialise. Sasuke tries to get her to make more friends but she calls him out on being a hypocrite and he’s so offended that he drops the issue. 

She does well in the academy but she lowkey hates going. She likes going more if either you or Sasuke are there to pick her up and walk home with her, she doesn’t like walking home alone because the Uchiha compound is so damn far away and isolated. 

When she awakens her sharigan when she’s a chunin, Sasuke has a pretty bad reaction. The sharigan isn’t associated with anything good in his mind, so he freaks out when his daughter activates it. You need to give him some time and support and he’ll come around. He’s the only one who can train her after all. 

Sasuke is so proud of his daughter when she makes Jounin, which of course, she does. I could see her taking on a powerful advisory role for the Hokage as a jounin.

She is someone who believes that there is a lot to learn from history, and is a great advisory asset in helping to avoid past mistakes.

Itachi: Canon = none / Non-massacre Au = 2 children. Son (omega), daughter (beta). 

Has a son shortly after you get married. 

Itachi is a family man through and through and can’t wait to retire from being a ninja (which he hates) to being able to raise his children full time. 

The day Itachi gets moved from the active list to the reserves list after he becomes pregnant is one of the happiest days of his life. 

His son is very responsible and serious. 

He likes to follow Itachi around and help him clean and cook and run errands. He always tidies up his toys and keeps his room clean, and he almost always behaves respectfully and sensibly. 

Itachi never forces him to do too much though, he wants his son to have a fun childhood like he never had. 

Itachi is over the moon when his son shows an interest in calligraphy, happy that his son is picking up a healthy hobby. 

He buys him all the supplies and gets him a teacher if he wants one. It warms Itachi’s heart to see his son interested in something other than chores for once. 

Despite the pressure from the clan for his children to attend the academy, Itachi puts his foot down for one of the first times in his life, saying that his children will only become ninja if they want to. 

His son does in fact want to attend the academy. 

Itachi kind of wishes he didn’t. 

Itachi’s son shows a huge proficiency for fuinjutsu, his calligraphy skills coming in handy. Seeing as the skill is so rare, he becomes one of the leading experts in Konoha. 

Itachi is very supportive and lowkey glad that his son is so powerful and can defend himself. Itachi is also very glad that his son can continue with his fuuinjustsu passion long after he retires from being an active ninja. 

Itachi hopes that safety net (producing seals for other ninjas and continuing to earn money from his hobby) will mean his son can retire whenever he wants and not have to worry. Rather than becoming stuck in the shinobi lifestyle.

Itachi’s daughter is born five years after his son, an age gap that was larger than he would have liked, but he had a pretty traumatic birth the first time around and he needed to give his body some time to recover.

Itachi puts a lot of emphasis on a loving relationship between his children, and his daughter adores her older brother so much! She follows him around and tries to copy him all the time, and he help her with homework and plays with her. 

It makes Itachi very, very happy to see them bond. 

Itachi’s daughter is a beta and has everyone wrapped around her finger from the moment she is born. 

She’s charming, well spoken, and polite but with a very sarcastic personality. 

She has a very similar sense of humour to Itachi actually. A sort of under the breath commentary style. Goodness help anyone who finds themselves opposing Itachi and his daughter. 

Academy teachers get put in their place so fast when they join forces, the teachers don’t even know what happened. 

As Itachi’s daughter joins the academy, she follows after her uncle and develops fangirls and fanboys… She’s very popular. Very popular. 

And she loves it. 

Itachi is not as fond. 

He is not above staring coldly at children for badgering his beloved daughter. 

When she grows up, she works as a ninja, favouring a more jack of all trades kind of style. She likes to learn a little bit of everything. 

She’s the same way with relationships too. She never gets married or mated, preferring casual relationships and has no interest in children, she lives her life doing whatever she wants with whoever she wants. 

Itachi is very proud of her, and secretly very amused when his clan constantly tries and fails to control her.

Shikamaru: 1 child – daughter (alpha)

Shikamaru has a child at about 25, and he knew from the get-go that he was a one and done kind of guy.

He’s not a fan at all of the infant stage and does not want to do it more than once. 

The Nara clan have a very high proportion of alphas, so Shikamaru kinda expected his child to be one. And lo and behold she was. 

His daughter is the spitting image of him in every way. She is the most mellow alpha ever. So much so that most people assume she’s a beta, and she doesn’t really care enough to correct them about it. 

She is also very close to her grandparents, who dote on her and spoil her as much as they can. 

She excels at school in the same way her father did before her, retaining average marks despite being miles ahead of most of her peers.

Shikamaru teaches her how to play shogi and all about the beauty of napping. She takes to them both like a duck to water. She is so much like Shikamaru that everyone comments on it constantly. 

Although, while she loves a good cloud gazing session with her father, she actually takes to creative writing as her favourite hobby. She uses a pseudonym to avoid attention, but she ends up writing a series of books that becomes one of the most popular book series in the shinobi nations. 

Shikamaru is so insanely proud that his daughter can have both a successful ninja career and a successful hobby/side career. He brags to anyone who knows her pseudonym constantly, including you and his parents. 

He also keeps a set of first edition, signed copies of all her books. He reads them when she’s away on long missions sometimes, as a way of feeling closer to her.

Shikamaru and his daughter remain incredibly close all their lives.

Shino: 1 child – daughter (omega)

Shino had a child slightly later than most of his friends, at around 34. 

Shino’s daughter is a very curious child! She’s quiet and withdrawn around strangers but very talkative with her family and close friends.

Her favourite place to be is on Shino’s lap. And when around strangers, she always hides behind him, or buries her face into his shoulder. 

Shino loves to spend time with his daughter outside. He teaches her all about insects and plants, leading her around the woods after when she can still barely walk. 

Shibi does the same with her, and those two are very close. 

Shino is fiercely protective of his daughter, and never forces her into doing things she isn’t comfortable with. He defends her right to be quiet and clingy, and it takes some convincing to get him to understand that she needs to make friends outside of her immediate family. 

When she cries for anything, Shino gives in straight away, as long as she isn’t wanting to do anything extremely dangerous. Because of this, she develops quite the sweet tooth, having had as many cookies as she wanted as a child. 

Shino’s daughter ends up teaching at the academy as a career chunin, because despite being shy around adults, she is fantastic with children, very patient and understanding. 

Shino is very happy with her choices, because he was a little worried that she would end up scarred from a shinobi career, and he hates any situation in which he can’t protect her. 

She has her own children pretty young, and Shino is just a good a grandfather as he is a father.

Neji: 2 children – adopted daughter (beta), adopted son (alpha)

Neji is about 30 when he decides he wants to try to have a baby. 

And he’s 32 when he finally comes to terms with the fact that he isn’t going to be able to conceive naturally because of the suppressant abuse he endured as a child. 

Then, tragically, one of the branch members of his clan dies giving birth. Her mate can’t handle the stress and dies shortly afterwards, leaving their two-year-old daughter and newborn son behind. 

Dying after a mate dies is not super uncommon but is much rarer in the cases where children are involved, so this exact situation doesn’t happen very often. 

His heart breaks for them and he is close to begging you to adopt them with him. 

And soon enough you have two children, siblings, and both Hyuugas like Neji. 

You would never forget Neji’s face when he held his children for the first time. He would never let them be branded with the seal that has impacted his life so much. He would sooner run away from the clan forever.

Neji’s daughter takes a little while to adjust to her new parents, still distraught and grieving over the loss of her previous parents. 

Neji understands and gets her a therapist, but he finds it difficult to watch his child suffer. 

The first time she crawled into bed with you and Neji after a nightmare, Neji cried because she was finally starting to trust you both. 

Neji’s daughter is a beta and when she recovers from her childhood trauma, she shows her true colours as a limelight lover! 

She loves acting and dancing and singing whenever and wherever she can. She plans little plays for you and Neji, sitting you down to perform them for you every weekend. Neji is very proud! 

But he doesn’t really know what to do when his daughter says she doesn’t want to be a ninja. 

He loves and supports her, of course, but he’s thrown off, not really expecting it. 

Eventually, he agrees to send her to a civilian school, and she immediately flourishes there, making so many friends, even starting a little after school performance style club. 

Neji is so incredibly proud when she makes it as a famous actress. He lowkey brags constantly to his friends. 

“Oh, your child just got promoted to chunin? How lovely. My daughter made more money this year than any chunin will see in their life…” Sips tea. 

Neji’s daughter is so glamourous and outgoing and famous, but she never forgets her family, and loves to spoil you, Neji and her younger brother with her money.

Neji’s son doesn’t remember his biological parents and fits into your family seamlessly from day one. As far as he’s concerned, you and Neji are his only parents. 

Just like his older sister, this boy is very extroverted, but rather than singing all the time, he talks. He’s the chattiest person you could ever meet. 

Introverted Neji isn’t 100% sure about how to parent such extroverted children, he just doesn’t understand that they don’t enjoy too much solitary activity time. 

He’s feels a lot better if you’re an extrovert, that way, he can have some alone time to recharge while you handle the children. 

If you’re also an introvert… well, let’s hope Hinata was serious about her babysitting offer. 

Neji’s son talks to everyone as I already mentioned, and adults think he is the cutest thing ever. 

As he grows up, he always helps old people carry their shopping, he helps lost children find their parents, he is basically the alpha every parent dreams of their omega child bringing home. 

He’s very charming and Neji is a lot less surprised when his son says he doesn’t want to be a ninja. 

Eventually ends up working in the orphanage. 

The children adore him so, so much, and he loves his job dearly. 

Neji brags about him too. 

“Wow, your child got top marks in the academy? My child was hand-making birthday gifts for some children at the orphanage when he was 11. He decided to do it all by himself…” sips more tea. 

Whenever she’s in Konoha, his older sister turns up and gives all the kids at the orphanage gifts. She’s like a fun, rich aunt for all of them. 

Neither of Neji’s children have children of their own, as they find their respective careers to be the most fulfilling thing for them.

Neji is a very proud father and is happy when his children are happy.

Iruka: None, or 2 children (he’s happy with either) – adopted son (omega), adopted daughter (omega)

Iruka would be happy with no children because he’s so dedicated to his work and his students, but he also adores children and wouldn’t mind having some of his own. This is an au in which he decides to have children. 

He adopts his son at age 27, pretty soon after the war, choosing to adopt an older child who has less of a chance of being adopted. 

A six-year-old omega with a bright smile and loud laugh, Iruka is immediately taken with him. The war had left many orphans, and it was hard on Iruka to walk around the orphanage, knowing he couldn’t adopt them all. 

Iruka throws as much love as he can as his new son, taking time off work to bond with him properly, making sure to scent him loads and get him used to his new family environment. 

Iruka is thrilled when his son shows a knack for pranks.

He plays the disapproving parent in public, but honestly, he loves it, as long as things don’t go too far. 

Iruka’s son is a very kind-hearted person, if a little rambunctious, and he also has a huge nesting instinct. 

You knew he was an omega when you adopted him, but it was very clear, nonetheless. He has a permanent nest in his room that he likes to chill in with his friends when they come over (he’s very popular with the other kids in his class.). 

When he gets a little older, he goes to the academy, walking to and from every day with Iruka, and develops a passion for medicine when he’s a genin. 

He has great chakra control and eventually ends up working full time at the hospital as an adult. 

He chose a similar path to Iruka, in that he works as a ninja but is primarily based in the village, rarely leaving on missions. 

He makes sure to come home for dinner at least once a week after he’s moved out, no matter how busy the hospital gets. 

Iruka is so proud that his son is so talented and selfless, that sometimes it makes him tear up. 

Iruka knows that he doesn’t want just one child. 

When his parents died, he was all alone and it was horrible for him, so he knows he wants to have two children, so that when you and him die, they’re not alone. 

Iruka is very ready to adopt again about two years after he adopted his son. 

Iruka found the adoption process so rewarding that he wants to do it again over having a biological child. 

He adopts a little girl this time, five years old and also an omega. When Iruka was meeting the children, this girl brought him a paper flower that she had folded as a gift and his heart just melted right then and there. 

She fits in perfectly to your family, your son adored her immediately! 

With three omegas living in your house now, you were very much outnumbered. It was a common occurrence to find yourself missing all your warm clothes, them having been borrowed and buried inside one of the three nests (minimum) nests in your house. 

Iruka’s daughter is a gentle soul, but she is also strong. She appears like an easy target because she is soft spoken and reserved but she has a strong sense of justice and always stands up for herself and others. 

When she’s young, she likes the idea of going into medicine like her older brother as she admires and looks up to him, but she doesn’t like the realities of the job very much. 

She’s great at chakra control, but the idea of wrangling disobedient, injured shinobi doesn’t appeal to her. 

Until one day, on her way home from a friend’s house, she finds an injured stray dog. She brings it home and begs you and Iruka to keep him. So, your family of four turns into a family of five, and she becomes obsessed with veterinary medicine. 

As an adult, she ends up working at the veterinary clinic in the Inuzuka compound. She is committed to helping as many animals as she can, with a particular soft spot for dogs. 

She also joins the rest of her family for dinners at least once a week. Iruka is so overwhelmingly proud that he has two medic children, because he knows how talented you have to be to do that. 

He is also very happy that both his children stay mostly within the village. The war made Iruka a little paranoid, and he doesn’t worry so much when his children are safe within the village walls.

Gaara: 2 children – daughter (alpha), son (alpha)

Gaara has his children the youngest out of everyone his age that he knows. He had his daughter when he had just turned 21, and his son five years later when he was 26. 

His daughter is Gaara’s sweetheart. 

He adores her so much and spends as much time as he can with her. He is so gentle with her and loving all the time. 

Gaara’s daughter is very energetic and playful, but also quite sensitive. 

She loves positive attention, loves to play with everyone who will engage with her. 

She’s a very family-oriented person and loves spending time with Kankuro and Temari when you and Gaara are busy. 

However, because you, Gaara, Temari and Kankuro always treated her so gently, she was quite sensitive to people being angry or shouting at her. 

Once, her teacher at school shouted at her for talking in class and she ran straight to the Kazekage’s office crying. Gaara was furious. He hates when his children cry, so much. He let her stay with him for the rest of the day to calm her down, sending you a message to let you know he was looking after her. 

Gaara’s daughter visited him constantly, often bringing little lunchboxes of food for him, learning to new recipes constantly. 

Trying to surprise him, she develops a great skill in cooking. 

She decides, in the end, not to follow the shinobi route. She opens her own restaurant in Suna, charming customers with her amazing hostess skills and phenomenal cooking. 

She allows all her family to eat for free, but they all pay anyway, because they love to support her. Gaara, especially, always leaves a huge tip for her and her staff.

Gaara’s son is born five years after his daughter, another alpha, leaving Gaara very outnumbered, with both his siblings, his mate and his children all being alphas. 

Gaara’s son is very quiet and tactile. 

He loves cuddles and hugs but doesn’t speak very much. 

He enjoys spending time with Gaara in Gaara’s nest, despite not having nesting instincts of his own. 

Gaara’s son is very close to you and Gaara. He always tells you when something is bothering him, and although he doesn’t speak much, he chooses his words carefully and they always mean something.

He actually excels at shinobi school, both in academics and in sparring, and moves up the ranks quickly. He spends a lot of time training with Kankuro and gets into puppetry. 

Even when he becomes a jounin, he spends time with Gaara in his nest, still loving physical affection. 

Gaara enjoys hosting family gatherings for everyone, his daughter cooks loads of dishes for it, his son makes sure to take time off missions to attend, and sometimes Temari drags Shikamaru to Suna as well to join them all. 

Gaara smiles more often than not now, feeling so proud of the life he crafted for himself, and the family he worked hard to create.

(Phew! That was a lot! I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you thought and send me your own headcanons!!! <3)

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

  @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

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God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[bookishofalder]

Catfish & Sunshine

Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader Mini Series

Summary: Frankie is secretly in love with his best friend. Thanks in part to Benny’s shitty horror movie recommendation and stray ice cream, feelings come out unexpectedly during movie night. 

Warnings: Language, SMUT, little angst, lots of fluff, poor writer understanding of US military benefits/retirement. WC 8,215.

A/N: I dreamed this up after rewatching Triple Frontier about a month ago (for the plot, of course) and let it sit for a while. Became inspired to finish it off this week and share it with you all-so please let me know your thoughts!

For over a decade, Saturday nights were, for Frankie Morales, usually spent with his best friends over drinks at their favourite bar. When deployed, the bar was instead smuggled whiskey that they shared under the stars, an attempt to imagine they were anywhere other than the current hellhole. As Special Ops soldiers, Frankie and his buddies had been through the worst of the worst together, until one by one they retired or were forced to retire, and then they were back to regular appearances at the local bar, for a while the five of them, then four.

Until Frankie met you.

Had someone come up to him during one of those nights years before and told Frankie that one day he’d be bringing you along to the bar to join him and the guys, he’d have laughed in their faces. But for a while, that was exactly what occurred, until you and Frankie grew so close that you usually ended up making different plans, like going mini-golfing, or lounging at his apartment and watching movies. Not that you didn’t love the guys, all whom you’d met except for Santi as he had been off the grid for just over a year when you and Frankie had met.

It was thanks to the elder Miller brother, Will, that he had even met you at all. Working at the VA office, Will had learned of one of the few retirement perks they had for putting their asses on the line for their country-physical therapy. And you came highly recommended, a star PT who had worked magic over his friends' ailments. Knowing Frankie suffered from shoulder and neck pains, Will handed him your card and encouraged him to book an appointment.

He hadn’t called straight away. He’d popped your card onto his fridge and every day he’d pass by it, consider calling, and then talk himself out of it. Until the pain became too much to bear, his latest menial job just a little too physical for him, causing him to consider using again just to dull the ache. But he’d walked by your card moments later and instead of making a terrible decision he had promised himself he’d never make again, he called your office. Made an appointment with your friendly receptionist, who thankfully had his name already because Will had put in a good word for Frankie and asked that they try and get him in straight away, whenever he finally did call.

Two days later Frankie was standing nervously in the treatment room, looking at a wall decorated with your various degrees and certificates. He was anxious not only because he worried he’d get his hopes up that this would help the pain only to be disappointed, but also because he had no idea what to expect. Years of service as a pilot had made Frankie into a man who planned, meticulously, leaving little in the way of surprises. But he’d reasoned that calling the office back and demanding they give him a minute-by-minute account of what the appointment would be like was probably going too far.

And then you had walked in and immediately his worries morphed into concern over the fact that he required a beard trim, that he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and popped his usual cap on, probably appearing a little gruff. And fuck, he almost couldn’t breathe when you gave him the most dazzling, genuine smile like you were greeting an old friend. You were bright, a rare energy radiating off of you as though you absorbed it straight from the fucking sun, and you were beautiful. No wonder Will had winked at Frankie when he’d handed you the business card.

You were observant, introducing yourself and seemingly sensing his overall discomfort. Instead of launching straight to business, you gestured for him to sit and spent a good twenty minutes casually chatting, pulling information you needed from him while putting him at ease entirely. He learned then that Will had already sung Frankie’s praises, given you the heads up that he was a worrier and even told a few stories that showcased his talents as a pilot.

If Frankie didn’t know any better, he’d think his friend was trying to play matchmaker.

All thoughts of Will Miller, and pretty much every other thing on the planet, vanished the moment you laid your expert hands on to Frankie. You zeroed in on the worst source of pain and slowly worked away, and he could only agree with Will that you had magic hands. He could have died happily right then, as you chatted away and brought him the most relief he’d felt in years. You would pause occasionally to check in with his pain levels and make sure he was doing alright, always asking him to look at you to answer and searching his face as he spoke to ensure he was telling the truth.

The care you gave Frankie in just one appointment was enough to start him falling. And he kept going back, multiple appointments a week that not only had him walking taller, feeling lighter on his feet and reducing his migraines to seldom, but also allowing him to get to know you better. You were the kind of sweet-natured person that cried when you saw a sad commercial, laughed freely to the lamest of jokes, and seemed to wake up on the right side of the bed every day. You were sunshine, literal, tangible sunshine, and Frankie thought you might not even realize it.

Though Frankie had convinced himself early on that a woman as beautiful and kind as you could never be interested in a grouch like him, with his crows' feet and a closet full of demons. The longer he knew you little seeds of hope would sprout whenever he made you laugh so hard you had to stop the treatment just to hold your stomach as you giggled. Or when you’d share something with him innocent enough but, upon reflection, he would think it wasn’t something a normal patient-provider relationship would find exchanged.

But there was the age difference, a decade between you both that, if nothing else worked, would successfully extinguish his hope. He had wondered if perhaps you were just a decent people person, that the friendship he felt was there was entirely one-sided.

Until one day, a few months into coming to you for treatment, Frankie sat waiting for you to come in the room only for you to appear looking entirely unlike yourself. He booked his appointments always for the end of the day, a routine that promised he would get plenty of uninterrupted time with you and the conversation could flow without a time constraint. He had been so surprised that you weren’t grinning as you stepped into the room that he stood abruptly, filling with concern.

When he asked, softly, if you were alright, you didn’t brush him off like he might have expected. You instead looked up at Frankie, your lower lip trembling as your eyes filled with tears, and sobbed unexpectedly. That sound had torn a hole right into his chest and he had pulled you straight into his arms and hugged you close before asking you to tell him what he could do to help.

You ended up explaining that you had come in that morning to the news that a regular patient of yours, an elderly man you’d known the entire time you’d been working for the VA office, had passed away in his sleep. And you’d apologized to Frankie while sniffling and wiping at the tears, telling him you’d held it in all day but couldn’t do that when your friend asked you, and he had been baffled to realize you were referring to him. As your friend.

He had cut off your apology to hug you close again, smoothing your hair gently as he whispered calming words and sentiments to you in Spanish. And though you didn’t speak the language, you had since told Frankie it had done exactly what he’d hoped and made you feel all the better. 

After his treatment that day, Frankie asked if he could take you for a drink to toast your friend's life. He waited for you to close up the office, and then you’d followed him in your car to drive over to his usual bar. And you both drank to the veteran who passed, then ended up ordering dinner and remaining at the bar until late, talking even more freely outside of the office. If Frankie didn’t already have it bad for you, that night sure sealed it for him.

After that, you and Frankie began texting regularly, sometimes even calling one another to share a funny story or talk about something in the news. He had joined you for your former clients funeral, his hand rubbing comforting circles into your back before he took you out for lunch, then you’d ended up at his place to watch a cheesy movie, ordering pizza when you both realized there was a sequel that, if it was as bad as the first, you absolutely needed to watch.

And just like that, Frankie saw his life altered completely when you became his best friend.  

Currently, Frankie was seated comfortably on his couch, where he frowned at the TV playing a horror movie that you had insisted was supposed to be good, because Benny had recommended it. Considering the younger Miller brother could barely sit still half the time, that was supposedly good enough for you. 

You were tucked into Frankie’s side, eyes fixed on the screen until a jump scare had you jerk, then twist your face to press into his chest, because you hated the gory bits.

“Fuck! How does this not scare you even a little, Frankie?” You whined, unknowingly causing Frankie to swell with pride when he heard the note of admiration in your voice. He had started to suspect that the reason movie nights were becoming exclusively scary movies was that you were determined to find one that actually frightened him.

So far, you’d had no luck. But Frankie didn’t mind, because though you were already a touchy person in general, you were especially clingy when you queued up the next horror flick as if you trusted him to keep you safe.

Frankie didn’t reply, his chest rumbling with silent laughter that made you teasingly poke his side. He jumped, because you knew exactly where to aim, then cleared his throat. The scene ended, and he began to extract himself from your grip. “My sweet tooth is calling, cariño. I’m going to get some ice cream.”

You let him go, your head popping up, a big grin on your face, “Can I have some too, please?” And he nodded, smiling at you before walking across the open concept apartment and into his kitchen.

He stretched his back before opening the freezer where he had some bars next to an off-limits pint of Ben and Jerry’s. You had put it there months ago, telling Frankie it was for days when you got together and one of you needed to cry over a bad date. You called it ‘emergency’ ice cream. Frankie considered it to be ‘fuck you’ ice cream, because every time he opened his damn freezer he saw that pint and ended up thinking about how neither of you had been on a date with anyone since becoming friends over a year before, then falling into the same circular argument with himself-that the friendship was too important for him to feel the way he did, that he was jumping to conclusions and maybe you had gone on a few good dates that you just didn’t tell him about, and he was out of his mind if he thought you would ever feel the same way.

“Here you go, Sunshine,” He plopped back down next to you and passed you your bar, watching as you beamed at him widely, the inevitable result of his use of the nickname he’d dubbed you with a long time ago.

He desperately hoped you never realized the amount of affection truly behind that nickname.

Because how could he even begin to explain that you were literally sunshine in his dark life?

“Thank you,” You pulled the wrapper off, glancing at the movie and frowning. “Uhg. Benny promised the one was good! I’m starting to think he only recommends movies if they have at least one pair of tits.” You took the first bite of your ice cream bar while Frankie nearly choked on his own.

Amused as he was whenever you joked about your shared friends, Frankie also loved it when you swore. You were a goofy, happy little thing most of the time and curse words just seemed so out of character for you, pulling laughter from Frankie any time you caught him by surprise. You spent your days around gruff veterans and never seemed to lose any light, no matter how many real horror stories you heard. So whenever you managed to sound so uncharacteristically blunt, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Benny has always been a tits man,” Frankie agreed, and you giggled. He tried to refocus on the movie then, but it hadn’t captured his interest in the least. After a moment, you spoke again and he had to work on not choking.

“What are you, Francisco?”

Your tone was playful, light; Frankie’s head jerked in surprise to gaze down at you and you wiggled your brows, going for laughs. You seemed completely unaware of the roaring in his ears, the visceral reaction your words brought forth within him. You and Frankie had shared intimate tidbits like that before with one another, often during nights at the bar with the Miller brothers. After a few drinks and usually, because his friends knew exactly how he felt about you and tried to steer the conversations into dangerous waters and watch Frankie try to save himself.

Only, Frankie’s friendship with you during the last few months had become...deeper. After the operation Santiago had brought Will, Benny, Tom and him in on, your relationship had evolved. Because that nightmare had reminded Frankie just how dark shit could get in the blink of an eye, and he’d had to do things he thought he was done with when he retired from service. Worse, because they were just civilians using Santi’s connections and intel to rob a drug lord.

And you had no idea what he’d gone through, how hard he’d fought just to get home to you because he couldn’t-wouldn’t-tell you. Yet you still patched him up, physically and emotionally, when he’d come home three weeks later than he’d promised. You held him as he cried and never became angry with him, never questioned him for answers as to why he’d come home with one less friend and a whole lot of mysterious trauma.

After that, Frankie realized he was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you.

So a simple, flirtatious little question? Yeah, it really managed to fuck Frankie up.

His friends had sensed the change as well, noticed how you held Frankie up when he felt like he couldn’t stand, how you comforted them all when they got home and cried along with them over Tom, over Santi not coming home even though you’d only met him once, briefly. You held strong for him at Tom’s funeral, which prompted the Miller brothers to tell Frankie in no uncertain terms that he simply could not let you slip through his fingers. If that fucking mission had taught them anything, it was that life was too short and you might as well live it to the fullest.

But the thing was, Frankie depended on you. Your friendship was the one real, good, pure thing in his life. And you gave it so willingly and unquestionably even after what he put you through that there was no fucking way he was risking it by telling you how he felt.

Christ, you even had a spot in his bathroom for your own toiletries, a favourite pillow on his bed for the nights you stayed, a fucking hook for your coat that he installed just a little lower than the other because you were so much smaller than Frankie.

And still, he wouldn’t look at what that might mean because he was afraid, and as much as you seemed to think nothing scared him, the truth was that a gory horror movie, or losing his friend, or even fucking live combat could never come close to the fear he felt when he pictured life without you.

You were Frankie’s Sunshine, and he never wanted to be alone in the dark again.

Aware he was still gazing down at you, Frankie found himself entirely at a loss for words. You didn’t seem to mind, simply waiting for him to respond while taking small bites of your treat. His cock twitched at the combination of your words, the innocent way you gazed at him, because Frankie hadn’t touched himself in quite some time and it didn’t take much to drive him up the wall.

His life with you had become remarkably domestic, routine. You often stayed multiple nights in a row at his place, preferring his company over being alone, and the shorter distance to your office. His spacious condo had one large four-piece bathroom, which meant there had been a few times where one of you was in the shower and the other came in, desperate to use the toilet before their bladder could burst. The shower had a thickly frosted glass enclosure, which provided plenty of visual privacy from both sides, the only indication that someone was in the shower was a very faint tint. This was never an issue until it was.

Exactly sixty-two days prior (not that Frankie was necessarily keeping count of passing time since his last orgasm), you had burst into the bathroom one afternoon unexpectedly. Returning early from your jog because you needed to pee, while Frankie stood in the shower. He listened to you tell him about a cute dog you’d seen outside his building. The thing was, Frankie had expected you to be gone longer, and you were in the middle of a three-day visit that had left him needy and horny because he hadn’t had time alone and yet you walked around in his fucking clothes, slept next to him in his bed, and he needed release.

He was grateful the tinted glass prevented you from having any idea what he was doing on the other side. And he had been close already when you came in, one hand fisting over his cock while the other pressed into the tile wall, and guilt sprang up in the back of his mind because he had been thinking of you as he touched himself. And you were just feet away, unaware and fuck if that didn’t lead him to the edge.

But it was when you had sat down to pee and he heard you give a little moan of relief that Frankie lost it, giving in to the most powerful-yet silent-orgasm he had had in fucking years. Rope after rope of cum, his legs violently shaking, and he’d wondered if he would pass out it felt so good. Then you’d flushed and continued speaking, washing your hands before telling him you were going to put on a pot of coffee. And the guilt Frankie felt was so immense that he vowed right there he wasn’t going to touch himself again. He cared for and respected you too much to reduce you to his graphic thoughts without your consent.

Sixty-two days later and you were testing his limits unknowingly.

“I, uh, I’m not sure,” He replied, keeping his eyes locked on yours. You frowned a little, kitten licking the ice cream absentmindedly. Frankie almost groaned, wondering if you were trying to kill him. “I guess, it depends on the person.” He was never, ever going to admit he was a you man, that your ass, your perfect tits, your pretty little mouth were everything he could dream and more.

He tried to shrug casually, as if indifferent.

“I guess it’s a funny question,” You said after a moment, laughing a little, “I mean, no one asks a straight woman if she’s an ass or cock girl!”  

Frankie took a too-large bite of his treat, the cold painful and giving him instant brain freeze but it was just the distraction he needed because seeing your plump lips wrap around the word ‘cock’ might just kill him. He coughed attempting to laugh at your joke despite the brain freeze, and you leaned closer in concern.

“Sorry, are you-ah, shit!” A piece of your ice cream bar, which you’d moved to hold higher as you were checking on Frankie, fell off and landed on your chest, instantly staining the pale pink t-shirt. You hopped up with a noise of discontent, catching the fallen glob and hurrying into the kitchen to toss it in the sink. “Damn it!”

Frankie reached out and paused the movie, standing up and intending to follow you. He took two steps, adjusting his cap as he moved, and then looked up to where you stood at the sink, running your shirt under the faucet. Freezing, he took it the sight of you standing in his kitchen, your shirt removed to run under the water, leaving you wearing yoga pants and a simple white bra. For a moment, he just shut down and stared at you dumbfounded, before internal alarms started sounding and Frankie’s eyes were sweeping over your curves, his eyes zeroing in on the lack of support your bra had, your breasts perky and full and fuck, he had to look away.

He looked up at his ceiling at cleared his throat “You uh, want me to grab you a shirt?” His voice came out much deeper than he was expecting. He hoped you didn’t notice, though with only being able to see your profile even if he did dare to look at you, he’d never be able to tell.

“Can I borrow your big sweater, please?” You asked him, and Frankie nodded as he hurried away, down the hall to grab the sweater he knew you meant from his room. He would have laughed at your suggestion it was his sweater when he barely got to wear it himself anymore, but he was trying to remember how to breathe.

Once out of sight in his bedroom, Frankie took a few steadying breaths before grabbing the sweater off the end of his bed. He was going to subject himself to a cold shower after he handed this to you because you were staying the night again and he could not climb into a bed with you this worked up.

One of the reasons that you and Frankie just worked as friends were your opposite ways of navigating life. Where Frankie was a detailed, meticulous planner, you flitted from idea to idea spontaneously until something landed right, and you seemed to enjoy pulling him along with you as you followed those random whims. And he let you pull him because he trusted you so completely. Even if he would still make a new plan in the back of his mind, it still felt like he was taking chances he never would have without you leading the way.

Planning was Frankie’s way of keeping control. Of keeping himself, his squadmates, his loved ones, safe and secure. After Columbia, where every bit of the plan had gone completely to shit, he’d needed to let you lead more often just so he could feel grounded because he didn’t trust himself any longer. And you had been happy to lead, to test his limits by pushing aside any planning he attempted and pull him from his comfort zone. You had taught him how to grapple with his instincts and his desires, giving him real-world methods to cope, including breathing as he was now.

So focused as he was on his breathing, Frankie hadn’t noticed you had joined him in his room, standing just inside the doorway. If he had heard you, he wouldn’t have spun around abruptly and take two long strides before realizing how close you were, nearly knocking you over as he did. He dropped the sweater when he reached out with both hands to grab your upper arms and steady you, and then he met your gaze.

Frankie couldn’t say whether it was the heat of his hands on you so unexpectedly, or the way you each shivered at the electricity that seemed to pulse from him to you. Maybe it was everything combined, years of friendship, longing and pining and then almost dying in the middle of the jungle only to come home and have you climb into his lap and sob in relief that he was home, and a million other moments in between.

But when Frankie met your eyes there in the doorway of his bedroom, he knew his expression was giving him away completely.

You were looking at him with wide eyes, your mouth slightly open in surprise, whatever words you were going to say long since lost. And then he saw it, was looking right at you when your expression shifted, no longer the innocent, playful woman but instead, one who was suffering just as much as he was, longing and love and this hunger on your face he’d never seen before.

Without hesitating, without thinking or planning his next move, Frankie tugged you against him and leaned down to slot his lips over yours, taken aback when he saw you close your eyes and stretch your neck up to meet him. When your soft lips connected to his, Frankie trembled and groaned, loving the feel of your body pressed against him, the way you smelled like something tropical, how even with your perfect curves you were so small compared to him. Kissing you was everything he’d dreamed and more.

He wanted to deepen the kiss, taste you, but even as he thought it his mind jumped ten steps ahead and imagined you on his bed and he had to stop himself from getting carried away. With great effort he pulled back, first breaking the kiss and then taking several steps away, panting heavily.

“Frankie?” You were out of breath, confused, and deliciously flushed. He could see your nipples tightened against the thin fabric of your bra, goosebumps along your skin. Just the knowledge that he’d had that kind of effect on you was enough to make him want to cum in his pants right there.

“Cariño, I can’t, I’m sorry,” It was physically painful now, his hard length straining against his jeans, but he was more concerned about you, and how afraid he was to lose you. “I-I’ve wanted to do that but you gotta know, I love you. I’m in love with you.” He couldn’t meet your eyes, instead choosing to look at his feet and rubbing his hands over his face.

You approached him again, just as quietly, taking him by surprise when you spoke from just inches away. “Frankie, look at me,” It was an order, a tone you rarely used but that always worked on grounding him, and he realized you understood he was struggling right now not to break down, terrified he’d fucked up the best thing in his life in a moment of weakness. He reluctantly met your gaze, swallowing thickly as he did.

“I need you to hear me right now, okay? Tell me.”

“I’m listening,” He confirmed, heart about ready to beat out of his chest, “I can hear you.”

“Good,” And you closed the gap between your body and his, pressing your hands into his shoulders. Frankie caught his breath. “I want you to do that again, and I don’t want you to stop. Please, kiss me again, Frankie, because I love you too and I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life than I want you-“

Frankie cut you off, a growl ripping from his chest before he gathered you roughly into his arms and kissed you again, this time quickly swiping his tongue across your lips for permission to enter, and you gladly parted them for him, moaning when his tongue licked into your hot mouth. He slid one hand to the back of your head, his fingers weaving into your hair carefully before he pressed your face to his, needy to taste you more, to get drunk on you. Fuck, you were perfect.

When you whimpered against him, the sound almost lost in his mouth, Frankie moved, walking you back until you hit the wall and crowding you there. He ran his free hand across the bare skin of your side, heat coursing through his veins when you shuddered at his touch, keening for him. He hadn’t realized he was rolling his hips against you, his erection pressed into your stomach until one of your small hands somehow slipped between your bodies and ghosted over the front of his jeans curiously.

“Fuck,” He broke the kiss, this time simply to lower his head and kiss along your jaw, down your neck, “Sunshine, I fucking love you, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sweet girl.” He licked the column of your throat as he moved to the other side of your face before biting gently. The sound that tore from you was so filthy he groaned again, dropping both hands to grasp your forearms.

“Frankie, fuck, don’t stop,” You were tugging at his shirt, and despite your request, he had to move back slightly to pull it over his head, his bare chest revealed to you and even though you’d seen him shirtless before, the intimacy of this time, of finally being with you after so long, made him self conscious. If you saw anything you didn’t like, you didn’t show it. Instead, you bit your lip as your hands tentatively roamed across his chest, trailing over his stomach lightly enough that he shivered. When you spoke next, you yet again took Frankie completely by surprise, your brows furrowing as your expression became more than just hungry, “Mine.”

You whispered it, but to Frankie, it was like you’d just announced it to the entire world. The possessive edge wasn’t lost on him, no, it shot straight to his core and snapped the final cords of his restraint.

“I should...I need a minute, Sunshine,” Frankie pressed his hands into the wall on either side of you, “I haven’t done anything in a long time, haven’t even cum, I don’t think I can be as sweet to you as I want to be.”

Your lust-blown eyes met his, “Why haven’t you cum?” He could hear trouble in your voice now, the not so careful way you spoke pulling dangerous images in his mind as he stared down at you, his jaw tense. When Frankie made no reply, you pressed your pointer finger to the middle of his chest, your eyes never leaving his as you slowly, lightly, moved it downward, trailing his dark hair. “Is it because you think of me? Are you that amazing that you won’t even let yourself cum because you think it’s wrong to think about me like that?”

A strangled noise was all he could respond with, his hands pressing desperately into the wall. You knew him too well, understood exactly what he’d meant without having to ask. And then you kept talking, and honestly, Frankie was floored at how dirty you suddenly were for him.

“I have to admit, you’re better than me, Frankie,” That finger trailed so slowly, closing in on his belly button now, “I’m not good like you, I think about you all the time. Especially when I touch myself, usually after I’ve spent a ton of time with you and I can’t fucking wait for a second longer. Wanna know what I picture?”

His voice was husky, a warning if ever there was one, “What did you picture, sweet girl?”

You moaned, your finger now closing in on the waist of his jeans, “You, bending me over the couch, that one is a favourite. Or waking you up with a blowjob, swallowing everything you’ve got because I know you taste delicious,” You unbuttoned his jeans now, sliding the zipper down with care, “But I think the winner, the one that always makes me scream your name, is thinking about riding you, Frankie. Climbing in your lap and just-“

Fuck, fuck he couldn’t hold back. He’d told you he couldn’t and yet you wouldn’t shut up and all thoughts of making love to you gently were out the fucking window, Frankie instead growled deeply and grabbed you by the arms, all but throwing you on the bed. You were smirking up at him, your eyes dark with lust and shining with triumph.

“Fuck, sweet girl, you wanna scream my name?” He removed his pants and briefs in one motion, his cock spring up, hard and leaking precum and you licked your lips, giving a little whimper at the sight of him. Frankie grasped himself, pumping his hand a few times as he stood over you, “Like what you see?”

“Jesus, Frankie-you need a new nickname,” You said, eyes glued to his cock, “Catfish makes no sense when you’re walking around with that fucking bat-wait!” He froze in the middle of removing his ball cap, looking at you with concern to see you bite your lip a little shyly, “Keep it on. The hat.”

Warmth spread through him at your request and Frankie replaced the hat on his head, then dropped to his knees next to the bed, his hands running up your thighs as you writhed. At your waist, he grasped the tops of your yoga pants and tugged them down, enjoying the way your body arched when you lifted your hips to help him. The only item of clothing either of you wore now was you in your bra, and fuck were you a sight.

Frankie gazed up at you from the floor in awe, his eyes roving over you hungrily as you watched him, propped up on your elbows. He started kissing up your thighs then, pushing your legs apart and spreading you, his hands kneading your flesh. “Sweet girl, you have such a pretty pussy, better than I imagined.” He moaned, biting into the soft flesh of your inner leg and drawing a whimper from you, “I can fucking smell you already, so wet and ready for me, fuck.”

“Oh god Frankie, please, touch me. I can’t wait anymore, I need you!”

“Told you,” Frankie climbed over top of you, his legs on either side of your body as he reached down and dragged you further onto the bed, his show of strength making you whimper, “It’s been a while. And you walk around here wearing my fucking clothes all the time. You don’t know what you do to me, Sunshine.” He grunted as he repositioned himself between your legs, his hands grasping the backs of them to haul your body against his, his cock pressed painfully against your thigh, “Gonna fuck you, sweet girl.” And with one careful, quick motion he thrust forward and each of you cried out at the pleasure of Frankie filling you.

“Frankie! Oh!” Your legs wrapped around him instantly, urging him as deep as possible as he split you open so deliciously. Once he was fully seated within you, Frankie dropped forward, propping himself on one arm, and cupped your face with his free hand. He looked into your eyes as he started a fast, hard pace, thrusting deep and reeling over how wet you were for him, how perfectly your velvet folds wrapped around him.

“Fuck, cariño, you’re fucking tight,” He grunted, kissing you sloppily as you threw your arms around him, hugging him close, “So tight for me, so perfect making those pretty noises, fuck.” Frankie groaned when you clenched around him as he spoke, “You like it when I tell you how perfect you are?”

“Ye-yeah Frankie, I love it. Oh, fuck!”

You were trembling now, squeezing him each time he whispered in your ear. Frankie kept up a string of praises and filthy words, taking note of the ones that had you gripping him extra hard.

He’d always had a casual enjoyment of dirty talk, nothing over the top, easy enough to shut off if it wasn’t enjoyed by the other person. But something about talking like this to you had his balls tightening that much faster, his thrusts becoming brutal.

Still murmuring in your ear, Frankie lowered his hand to your clit, experimentally rubbing, circling and pinching it to see what you liked. He was going to cum soon, and he’d be damned if you didn’t cum too. Though, as Frankie settled on circling you, both feeling and hearing how this was definitely how you liked it, his worries quickly dissipated when your hips were suddenly bucking up to meet his and you were screaming his name.

“That’s it, let go for me sweet girl,” Frankie’s thrusts were becoming increasingly sloppy as he neared the edge, “Are you-fuck, where should I?” He couldn’t even form a sentence now, he was so close and you were squeezing around him so perfectly as you closed in on your orgasm.

You understood though, your eyes meeting his as you pulled yourself together enough to reply, “Frankie, cum inside me please, please fill me up, pleasepleaseplease-“

“Fuck! H-here you go, perfect little thing!” He roared, dropping his weight over your and growling as he spilled inside you, as you bucked and writhed beneath him and screamed out, toppling over the edge and into oblivion with him. He heard himself cursing in Spanish as he experienced the most intense orgasm of his entire life, his hips slowing to continue to draw it out, still more cum filling you and you were a wreck under him, shivering and moaning.

“Yes, Frankie, yes.” You whimpered, your hands sliding into his hair-knocking his cap off-and tugging at his curls.

It took several minutes to recover, though Frankie had enough awareness to shift his weight so that you could breathe properly. Still hard inside you, he began to kiss you all over, peppering your face and neck before biting a few more marks into your neck, his tongue laving out to soothe. He enjoyed the way you whimpered when overstimulated, twitching when he pinched your nipple over your bra, squeaking his name when he pressed himself as deep inside you as he could one last time before pulling out.

Frankie collapsed on the bed next to you, then quickly tugged you into his arms and kissed the top of your head. His fear began to bubble back up now that the haze of passion was clearing, and he was starting to question every single moment that had occurred since you'd asked him if he was a tits man or an ass man.

What had he done? Was he going to lose you after this? Lose his entire reason for living for one amazing orgasm?

But it was like you could reach his mind, as only a few minutes had passed and then, with a little groan, you pulled yourself up so that you were on your elbow, looking down at Frankie. You took one look at his face and frowned, “That was quicker than I thought.”

Frankie stared at you, “What was?”

“I guessed it would take more than two minutes for you to start regretting this.”

Sighing, he pulled himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed. You followed, but crossed your legs and shuffled next to him. “I meant what I said, I love you,” Frankie explained, rubbing a hand over his face, “I love you so much, so fucking much it hurts. But the idea of messing this up is terrifying me, Sunshine. I don’t think I could lose you, I think it would kill me.”

“Frankie,” You crawled over him, straddling his hips and settling into his lap. You cupped his face firmly, looking into his eyes. Your expression was open, warm and vulnerable and a little incredulous, “You aren’t going to lose me, not ever. I want this-I want you, and everything you come with, okay?”

Though his heart was soaring, Frankie still worried, shaking his head, “I come with a lot of dark baggage, sweet girl. Not to mention the age difference.”

“Jesus, Frankie, do you really think I don’t know what I’m saying when I tell you I’m all in?” You asked him, not waiting for an answer before continuing. “I love you. Can I tell you when I knew?”

Frankie peered at you, his hands coming to hold your waist as he nodded.

“The boys trip.” You stated, using the term each of you agreed upon when referencing his three-week disappearance to Columbia. “When you first left, I knew something was off but I trust you, so I didn’t question it. But then after a few days, with no word from you, I started to really worry,” You paused, momentarily lost in thought, eyes dark now with the painful memory of his absence and the little information you’d come to learn about it since. “Did I ever tell you I booked a ticket to Columbia?”

This caught Frankie off guard because you most certainly had not told him that, “What, are you serious?”

“Yep. Booked it for the day after you ended up calling me. I don’t know what I was planning to do, but I knew you were there and, even if you were dead, I needed to be as well.” You stroked your thumbs over his cheeks, “After you called, and I knew you were alive and coming home, I realized that the way you said it meant you almost didn’t make it home, and I knew you weren’t saying something. I hung up and sat in my room for a minute and it occurred to me that you could have died and I would have never seen you again. That was when I knew it wasn’t just a crush.”

Heavy emotion filled his chest, rendering him unable to immediately respond. Frankie gathered you close and stood, clutching you against him and carrying you into the bathroom. He set you on the toilet before turning to his massive soaker tub and switching it on, fully intending on spending the rest of the night in there with you. When he turned around, you were carefully tidying yourself up. With a grunt, he grabbed a washcloth and ran it under warm water before kneeling in front of you and taking over.

“Why didn’t you say anything? After I came home, I mean.” His tone was light, as he didn’t mean to come across as accusing you of anything-it’s not like he had said anything to you. Good-natured as you were, you simply smiled at him, a little sadly.

“Too afraid, right at first,” You admitted, your eyes fluttering shut as he took care of you with the warm washcloth, “But when you came home you were a fucking wreck, Frankie. You lost your friend, Santi didn’t come back with you either, and Will and Benny had the same expression on their faces whenever I saw them. You saw some shit, did some shit, I don’t know and I’ll be real here, I don’t need you to ever feel like you should tell me what exactly happened. But after the first day you were back, I could see how much it changed you and I thought it would be selfish to tell you how I felt and add more emotional bullshit onto your plate.”

Frankie continued to kneel in front of you after tossing the washcloth into his laundry hamper. For a moment, the only sound in the room that of the tub filling. He stared into your eyes, seeing only how truthful you were being, how incredibly kind. He had never realized how completely he could love someone until he met you.

“I thought about you the entire time I was gone.” He admitted before carefully standing and checking the temperature of the water. He added a bath salt mixture that you’d bought a while ago, claiming it was a gift when really you were the one to use them, locking yourself away for hours to soak because you didn’t have a tub at your place. He shut the water off and held his arms out for you, which you eagerly stepped into and allowed him to guide you both into the water.

Once settled, your back against his chest, you replied. “Your face when you came home, I’ll never forget your expression.” His legs were on either side of you, and you began to lazily trace along his right thigh as both of you fell into your painful memories of his ill-fated trip.

Frankie sighed sadly, “I’m sorry I ever left, Sunshine. I never should have left you,” He tightened his grip around your waist under the water, one hand spread flat across your stomach, “It was just...fuck, everything went bad straight from the start. We had a moment of luck and then it was like nothing could go right. And I don’t know, I’m fucking gutted that Tom is gone, but it’s worse that Santiago won’t come home. He’s like my brother, and he blames himself for everything.”

Frankie knew you had no idea what he meant. You knew he and the guys were former special ops that served together, but when Santi had asked him to go to Columbia Frankie had only told you the basics-the country, who he would be with, that he might not have a lot of chances to call, and that it would be about a week. Santi had picked him up and you had been there to see him off that morning, and his friend had casually referenced a ‘boys trip’ while speaking with you as Frankie loaded his shit in the back.

Of course, you weren’t stupid. You worked with the VA, met a lot of former service members who ended up contracting out their skills after retiring or leaving due to injuries or lifestyle changes. And you knew Frankie, understood him like no one ever had before, which is why as he gave you further details you didn’t flinch or freeze up, you simply listened. When Frankie had gone quiet for a while, you eventually turned to gaze up at him over your shoulder, your cheek on his chest.

“From what I could tell,” You began slowly, your words cautious, “Whatever you did, what happened, you all put it aside to get Tom’s body home to his family. And considering the type of work Santi was doing out there for three years before he came here to ask you guys to join him, I figure you all must have almost died a few times each, probably took out some terrible men along the way.”

Frankie had to bite back his sob, turning his face away from you to stare, ashamed and remorseful at the wall. You reacted quickly, pulling yourself up and turning over, your naked body pressing over his as you grabbed Frankie’s head and gently turned him to look at you. “Baby,” You cooed, your eyes shining with concern, “Don’t do that, don’t hide from me.”

That was all it took. Frankie let the sob out and the relief of it was instantaneous, so much so that he let out another, then another, all while you held him and murmured soft, sweet words and pressing chaste kisses to his cheeks, his forehead, along his jaw. It didn’t last long, he’d cried so many times over everything that had gone down, but this was the first time you had revealed you sort of had an idea of what they had been up to, and you were still supporting him and loving him and it was all very overwhelming.

A short time later, Frankie wiped his eyes and shot you a grateful look, hoping you could sense how much he appreciated you. You settled into the water again, knees pulled to your chest as you faced him and trailed your hands comfortingly up and down his chest. “Sunshine,” He whispered, catching one hand and holding it against his heart, “I love you, thank you for being so fucking incredible.”

He tugged you closer, joining you in laughing when a little water sloshed up over the edge of the tub as you landed against him. You snuggled close and kissed him, your fingers carding into his curls and holding him steady. When Frankie took you to bed that night, there were no pillows between your bodies, not a shred of clothing separating you. He held you close, falling asleep faster than he had in years.

And for the first time in Frankie’s life, he felt whole and complete, like nothing could ever bring him into darkness again, not when he had you, literal sunshine, lighting his existence.

PART TWO

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