#i feel GOOD about what ive gotten done to be clear

[obsidiannebula]

I cannot believe it is only 1230 in the afternoon. I feel like I've been busting my ass all day

[spideyhexx]

OK IVE HAD THIS THOUGHT ABOUT BILLY FOR A WHILE BUT I FEEL LIKE NOWS THE PERFECT TIME TO TELL YOU

Have you ever heard of what taking and wearing a cowboy’s hat means? It means you’ll ride him

listen I’m just saying that has such good opportunities

xoxo- 🦢

yes ive seen lots of great fics with this so let me add onto that never ending list lmao

mdni - fem!reader

thinking about this that I wrote where you steal his hat, but what would happen if you put it on when you stole it? I love this dynamic, your relationship with Billy being a rather playful and tumultuous one. From your side more than his. For Billy, he was constantly biting his tongue to keep from telling you off whenever you teased him. He can’t admit that he likes it, so he just gives you one of his forlorn stares and maybe makes a snide comment here and there. He tolerated you. That was all. You on the other hand may be completely in love with him, but that wasn't important at the moment.

And you grab his hat from his head in front of the rest of the gang and plop it right onto yours.

Billy’s eyes darken in anger towards you at first but then he realizes what you’ve done and the snickers from the other men. You don’t seem to notice, your gaze only on Billy as you back away. To some, it would look like you two are already lovers and you just openly, silently, relayed to your lover that you wanted him.

Billy would rush over to you before you could react, grabbing your forearm and tugging you away. His hold is tight but not enough to hurt you and you can't help but giggle as your eyes narrow at him.

"What's gotten into you, Bonney? Finally wanna play back?" You catch the slight shake of his head and he halts, his grip on you still there.

"Do you know what you've just done?" You tilt your head to the side, his hat too big on your head, but staying put.

"I stole your hat, Bonney and I have to say, the face you made was quite-"

"Not the...stealin' part...," Billy trails off, his jaw clenching and he searches your eyes as your brow furrows. He realizes you're actually confused as to what he's getting at and he clears his throat, "You never heard the guys joke 'bout...?" Billy's anger softens for a moment as his shoulders lose their tension. He can't believe you of all people don't know about this. He thinks you must be playing some kind of joke on him like you always are.

You shake your head, "'m tremblin' with anticipation, Bonney. Tell me."

He narrows his eyes. "If you're wearin' a cowboy's hat you...or put his hat on you...you ride him," he says, a bout of embarrassment starting to flush to his cheeks, but he forgets all about that when he sees how wide your eyes get.

"O-Oh. I see," your voice drops to a softer tone, above a whisper. This tough, playful, insufferable woman that Billy's always seen you as is getting flustered under his gaze and now he really thinks he must be dreaming. You can't believe you've never heard about this before, but now realize your impulses have caused you to not only put Billy's hat on but do so in front of all of the gang; yeah it hits you hard.

"Well, 's a joke, right? So...," and you try to wrench your arm from his grasp, but he holds on.

A little chuckle escapes his lips and he smiles, "You're flustered."

Rolling your eyes, you give him a pout, but it's apparent from your still wide eyes and the way you can't look him straight in the eyes like you always did that you were in fact flustered. "No, 'm not."

Billy chuckles again and lets go of your arm, "Yes you are. The little cowgirl's actually flustered for once. Are you thinkin' about it?"

The heat in your body increases from his words and you go to take his hat off your head, throwing it at him. You can't deny the all too familiar feeling of heat pooling in your core as you think about that act with him. How you've thought of that very fantasy before, especially the days you'd catch Billy sitting with his legs a little too spread. Billy catches his hat, but he also catches the way you shift on your feet, your jaw tensing and the slight squeeze of your thighs. Billy almost curses out loud at the filthy thought that comes to mind and the twitch of his cock in his pants, but he ignores it, "don't gotta ride me," he snorts. He's trying to be reassuring, but he's not gonna let you know that.

"Wasn't plannin' on it," and you take the chance to lock your eyes back with him, an attempt to regain your composure and turn the teasing back on him, but your head is swimming in desire right now.

"I know, but it sure got you heated, hm?" He bumps his shoulder into yours as he walks past you, starting to head back to the camp. Billy's already forgotten about the gang and how they'll tease him about this later. All he can think about is how he's finally found an upper hand with you.

"Yeah? Well, I think you'd love for me to ride you," you call out to him in a sudden impulse move (a common habit for you, it's been established).

Billy turns back, raising his brow. He hesitates for a moment, wondering just how far he wants to go with this but he decides, fuck it. He walks back up to you, sauntering as he rests his hands on his gun belt, his head is cocked to the side and the smirk on his lips is one you wish you saw all the time. "Don't think you'd be able to handle it, sweetheart."

"What makes you say that?"

You cross your arms over your chest and he smiles, looking to the side out at the setting sun before back to you, "Cause even the thought of ridin' my dick is gettin' you all squirmy. How would it be if you were actually on it, hm?" He raises his brow, waiting for you to respond, but you don't. You stare at him wide-eyed, mouth parting, then closing.

"That's what I thought," and he gives you a look, raking his eyes quickly over your body before turning and walking away.

let's chat about billy, here :)

[fixoffzz]

It all started with you

Stalker!Mingi x f!reader

Authors note | hey y'all this is part 2 BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHGAHAHAHA last part tho I made this while my phone is on 67%🙈 so uhm ha & English isn't my first language so pls stand w me now Last part🐒

Warnings: Fluff, and smut IF YOU SQIUNT VERY VERY HARD & some angst, mentions of se!lf h@rm,

Edit : IVE READED THIS FANFIC AND CORRECTED THE SPELLING MISTAKES BEAR WITH ME BRO IM A FRNEHCIE…

body dysmorphia, stalking etc

Part 2!!

💐 part 1!

Word count : 1,090😖😖

“ y/n please I’ll explain I’ll explain “ mingi had been saying that for the past 15 minutes it seems like he was under some type of spell. Mingi had been so afraid of losing you he couldn’t bear the sight to see you in pain.. 

Mingi never believed in love at first sight no no that was dumb.. until he met you, everything started with you everything. Mingi figuring he likes punk music ( because of you ) mingi starts to like black panther ( because of you ) mingi got into making music and rapping ( because of you ) every single one of mingi’s interests came from you, it all started with you..! 

Ever since that fateful day back in 7th grade mingis life took a turn. I mean yeah he got so obsessed with you that he became your stalker, fan, everything.. In the 8th grade mingi had convinced his mom to drop him at Walmart so he could accidentally run into you ( he had your location on his phone he knew where you were and who you were with.. ) He even gifted you a teddy bear with hidden cameras in the eyes for your 14th birthday ( of course you kept it where he could get a good look of your room but you never knew you just kept it on a shelf being grateful of everything and anything ) 

Mingi calmed down and explained everything & and anything that made you have unclarity or confusion ( I mean you wanted to ask how he knew you passed out but you just enjoyed the time… ) “ Y/n I’m sorry I’m sorry for this all, you know when u got invited to that party with yunho i met aeri. She was everything a regular teenage freak boy would want. She was pretty, nice body, she had friends, she was popular too. I mean any boy would want her but mingi didn’t want her no he wanted you.. all he wanted was you… but mingi knew that if he wanted you he had to change himself he thought that if he changed himself he would get a chance with you.. ( but you already loved him since you first saw him but he didn’t know.. ) 

He accepted Aeri's terms. That's when everything went downhill, for the next couple of months or weeks Wtv.. he hung out with aeri I mean aeri was nice and kind but still he wanted you. He had envy jaehyun because he had gotten to go on the vacation with you, you guys met jaehyun and soyeon in the 10th grade and clicked. Mingi and Yunho both knew that jaehyun had feelings for you.. it was clear as the blue skies only you couldn’t tell, all this time you thought jaehyun was just being nice..  

When mingi came back and the school year had started he gained popularity not just with the boys with the girls too, he had some fangirls ngl mingi had easily feeded into this lifestyle but he almost forgot why he did it in the first place.. it was for you, again it all started with you everything started with you.. When he saw you in the hallways linking arms with jaehyun he felt angry, jealous he couldn’t keep his emotions intact he wanted to hurt you, that’s why he made a bet, he made a bet on you.. the last thing he would’ve have done on planet earth

Mingi knew what effect this would have on you, you were the sensitive type, the type to get your feelings hurt way to easily. He knew everything about you, Your self harm journey, Your suicidal thoughts and feeling about yourself. Your insecurities, he knew everything about you 

more than you could ever imagine..  He had promised to protect you but he figured out he was the one keeping you in danger, that time at the court yard when jaehyun held you.. mingi swore he had seen red… and he felt that again when he saw you unconscious. 

Unconscious and your wrist.. w-w-were  bleeding.. he didn’t know how to react or feel in that moment, he was watching you through the teddy bear and rushed over as soon as he saw you on the floor.. He regretted everything he had always regretted everything he started regretting when he met aeri… 

As mingi was finished explaining, you couldn’t stop the tears that became like waterfalls as soon as he started explaining himself. Mingi was always the sensitive type but he hid it.. he thought it made him weak without knowing it made me stronger, After he finished explaining everything you held his chin in your hand everything became slow. You stared into his dark, warm, homey feeling eyes.. Then his pink soft big lips kissed you.

Everything in that moment stopped. It felt like you and him together alone without a single care in the world. The kiss started soft but then turned messy with mingi climbing on top of you and your legs wrapping around his waist. He started grinding into you softly moans escaping his lips coming into yours, you could feel the vibration and tension between you and him. You stopped him, causing him to groan out..

“ Mingi, let’s figure this out together .” You said softly to him he looked at you ( he made the freaking 🥺 face ) “ Y/n I’m sorry I’m sorry for everything I don’t wanna be friends I wanna be more than friends I’ve always liked you but I was too scared to even talk or say anything I wanted to change for you so you could see me. “ he said softly “ mingi I’ve always liked you but you never had to change my love “ my love ha that made his heart run a marathon.

He pulled you into a cuddle and you two slept off away.. 

3 months later 

After everything went down you and mingi started dating, even though soyeon was pissed and wooyoung didn’t know if he should trust his friend again they let it go and put the past behind them. Of course mingi apologized to everyone, all the kids at school saw you 2 holding hands and walking happily down the hallways, aeri tried to break you guys up but it didn’t work sooner or later she gave up tired of it all of course she was still angry I mean she did make mingi into the person he was today.. 

No aeri didn’t make mingi into the person he was today, he did and you did because again.. 

It all started with you.

[allinestarr]

Relentless 4/?

Max Verstappen x Fem driver Reader! | Mick Schumacher x Fem driver Reader fwb!

Masterlist | Next Chapter

Summary: Y/n L/n was a force to be reckoned with. She had the championship on palm of her hands if it weren’t for Max Verstappen. You hated him and he hated you. Right?…

Warnings: SMUT! 18+, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), P in V ( unprotected, wrap it before you tap it!), Mild angst.

The short walk to the bistro helped clear some of the thoughts racing through your head but didn’t stop you from thinking about the one person you shouldn’t, Max. Gosh you felt so stupid. It was a typical cliche of falling for your rival. I mean how did you think this was going to go. He’d leave his long term girlfriend and practical stepdaughter to be with you?.

Before you knew it you were sitting across Mick.

“Hey!. Long time no see, how are you?.” He asked

“ I’m good!. Just been enjoying break before the season starts. What’s new with you?.”

“Nothing new really. Just been training and preparing for the season. Other than that I’ve been spending time with my family.”

“Nice!. And how’s the love life?. I saw some pics floating around with a certain someone you mentioned you had a crush on.” You smirked as he blushed.

“Well.. I did finally ask her out but I don’t know. It just didn’t click. As beautiful as she was, she had a terrible personality.”

“Bummer. I’m sure you’ll find someone better when you least expect it. I could set you up with one of my friends if you’re interested .”

“No, it’s ok. I think I’ll let it happen naturally. How about you, any luck in the love department?.”

“Nope. No one has quite caught my eye.” You lied.

“I guess we’re destined to be alone. You know what?, lets make a pact. If we’re still single by 35 we marry eachother.”

“Ok, but I get to choose where we live and we have to have a destination wedding!.” You laughed.

“Deal.” He smiled and shook your hand.

It made you think you’re both single and lonely, why not try to help eachother out. But how to bring it up, that’s the question.

Once you were both done eating you walked back to your apartment building and he walked you to your door like the gentleman he was.

“Do you want to come in?.”

“Sure.”

As you both sat on the couch like you’ve done hundreds of times before you began to reconsider if this was a good idea.

“What’s on your mind?.” He asked.

It was now or never.

“Well… I was thinking.. Maybe we could help each other out…”

“How?…”

“Well you’re single and I’m single and ive been really… tense lately and I was hoping maybe you could help…”

His blushed as he realized what you were asking.

“Uh..yea. I could help.”

“I just want to lay some ground rules first if that’s ok.”

“Ok.”

“First it’s just sex. No catching feelings. Once one of us starts to catch feelings we need to stop because first and foremost our friendship is most important. We can’t tell anyone and I mean anyone!. When one of us starts to talk to someone and it gets serious we end it. Is that ok or anything to add on?.”

“No that all seems fine.”

“Ok.”

You stare at each other before Mick grabs your cheek and kisses you and pulls you onto his lap. As he kisses you, you start grinding on his lap and his hold on you tightens as he lets out a moan. Taking advantage of that you stick your tongue in his mouth and he grabs your ass and squeezes making you moan. His lips travel further down your neck till they reach just above your breast. He lifts your shirt off leaving you in a black lace bra that he easily unclasps.

“So beautiful..”

He wasted no time sucking your right breast eliciting a pornographic moan. Grinding down harder you feel just how hard he’s gotten. He grabs onto your thighs as he gets up and walks over to your bedroom softly laying you down as he takes off his shirt. His lips returned to yours as you fought for dominance.

“I guess the track is not the only place you like to dominate.” He smirked.

“You have no idea.” You grinned as you flipped him over so he was lying down.

You got up and slowly but seductively took off your skirt. In response he licked his lips in anticipation. You walked up to him and hooked your finger to the belt loops of his pants looking up to him waiting for his approval to which he nodded. You unzipped his pants and painstakingly slowly pulled them down making sure to rake your nails down his thigh. He hissed at the pleasure it brought. Once freed from his briefs his hard cock sprung out hitting his stomach. The tip was already red and leaking pre cum. Looking up at him through your lashes you grabbed onto his cock pumping it a couple times and licked the tip.

“Fucccccck.” He hissed

You grinned and sucked the tip. He hissed again as he clutched onto the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. In response you sucked farther down and he bucked his hips hitting the back of your throat.

“Sorry” he blushed.

You smirked and responded,

“Eager are we?”

“Can’t help it, you’re look so fucking hot with my cock in your mouth.”

You were to stunned to speak and dripping wet so he took advantage and pulled you up and flipped you so roles were reversed.

“What are y.. “

Before you could finish the question, he answered. He kissed the inside of your thighs making you moan. His fingers played with the hem of your panties as he got closer to your pussy and when he was close enough he looked up at you waiting for your approval. You nodded quickly and he wasted no time practically ripping them off.

“So beautiful and so wet..” he purred.

He slipped two fingers inside you spreading your juices against your clit. Slowly he pumped his fingers in and out causing you to arch your back and push against his fingers. His pace quickend and It felt like a rubber band was ready to snap in your stomach as your climax approached. Suddenly he removed his fingers and you whimpered at the loss. Looking up at him you saw the look in his eyes and knew what was coming next. He gave you no time to react as he dived in and began eating you out like a starved animal.

“Fuckkk, I’m gonna cum..” you moaned

He added 2 fingers back in and pumped them quickly as he sucked your clit and the rubber band snapped as you came.

“Fuckkk mick!!!!.”

He removed his fingers and put them in his mouth licking them clean. His face was red and glossy from your arousal as you grabbed his face and kissed him hard. His hard cock teased your entrance and you moaned into his mouth.

“Need you….” You whined

He smirked as he said,

“Need me to what? Use your words.”

“Need you to fuck me!.”

“Good girl” he smiled

He slapped his cock against your sensitive clit as he teased your entrance.

“Please!” You begged

He slammed into you knocking the wind out of you. He moaned and stayed still giving you time to adjust to him. He started at a slow pace till you were ready. Growing inpatient you told him to move.

“Faster Mick!.”

He took that as a challenge and moved at a brutal pace. Every thrust hit your g spot and that familiar pulling feeling started to build as your climax was approaching.

“I’m close!” You screamed.

Your back arched as you came for the second time. He followed soon after as you clenched around his cock milking him dry.

“Fuckkkkkk!!!” He moaned against your lips kissing you.

Once you came down from your highs he layed next to you.

“That was..” you began

“Amazing.” You said in unison.

You layed your head against his chest as he put his arm around you. You don’t know how much time passed but when you looked at the window the sun was already setting.

“You hungry?.” You asked.

“Yea, I wouldn’t mind something to eat.”

You smiled and got up walking over to your bathroom quickly refreshing yourself and putting on a robe. He was already dressed when you walked out and you smiled and motioned for him to follow you to the kitchen. Deciding to make your favorite sandwich you grabbed mozzarella from the fridge some slices of sourdough and tomato’s. Assembling the sandwich you popped them into the oven for a few minutes and put them on a plate for you both to eat. The conversations flowed like normal and it felt like nothing changed. When you both finished eating you walked him to the front door.

“So… I guess this is goodbye.”

He smiled and nodded.

“I hope to see you soon.” He smirked.

You smirked back and grabbed his face kissing him.

“You will. Goodnight Mick.”

Once he left you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Maybe Rae was right and sex was all you needed to get over Max. Max with his beautiful blue eyes and thick thighs you wouldn’t mind riding and… Wait! Why the hell were you thinking of Max!. You need to call Rae!.

_______FaceTime call with Rae________

“Helloooooo” Rae sung

“Rae. We’ve got a problem.”

“You should make that your slogan with how many times you say it.” She laughed.

“Rae!.” You scolded her.

“Ok ok. What’s up.”

“Well I took your advice.”

“Whatttttttttttt?!. No way!. I don’t believe it!.”

“I did but it didnt work.”

“What do you mean?. Did he not… you know… make you cum?.”

“Rae!!.”

“What?. It’s a genuine question. Not every man that I’ve been with has made me cum. Well not like Lando.. he likes trying new things and..”

“Rae we spoke about this. Lando and yours sex life is off limits to speak about. And to your question yes he made me cum. Twice actually. We agreed it’s a friends with benefits thing and no feelings involved but when he left I started to think about Max and him doing things to me. I don’t know if my problem is just being sexual frustrated ..” you frowned.

“Y/n maybe you are in love with him.”

“I can’t be. He has a girlfriend and practically a family. It’s wrong. Please just tell me what to do!.” You cried.

“I’m sorry y/n but I don’t think there’s anything I could do to help. You need to get him out your system or be honest with him.”

“I know… I wish you were here.”

“Well actually there’s something I want to tell you.”

“What?.”

“I talked to my boss and I was able to get a transfer to the Monaco branch. I’m moving to Monaco!”

“OMG!!!!!!” You jumped with joy.

“It’s gonna be so fun! There’s still a few weeks till the season starts so we can hang out and go shopping. And of course you’ll stay here!.”

“Well actually no..”

“What do you mean?.”

“Well Lando offered for me to stay with him till I find an apartment. He lives close by so we can still hang out everyday.”

“Boo you whore.”

“Hey don’t use a mean girls reference on me!.” She laughed.

“I guess you’re right. I’m just glad you’ll be close.”

“Me too. But hey, I gotta get going. I have to go over some last minute things to prepare for the move. Call me whenever. I love you!!.” She smiled.

“Byeeeee.”

_____________End of call_____________

The last 48hrs has been a whirlwind. You should be happy with Rae moving to Monaco, Mick and this friends with benefits deal and the new season about to start but the only thing on your mind was Max. Little did you know the only thing on Max’s mind was you…

Previously

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @sadg3 @d3kstar @runs-with-sciss0rs @sunnyfunnydemon

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 11

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 951

Masterlist

Guysssss I'm sorry if this sucks. I spent all day at the office wishing I could write and then I got home and people just would NOT leave me alone and I had to keep taking breaks 😭😭. Also I kind of didn't know how I wanted this chapter to go at all but now that I'm past it I'll probably have less trouble.

I'm not mad, (Y/n).

It's been three days and you're still avoiding me, but I'm so not mad that I give Ethan a raise and that I buy Paco dinner twice and that I smile at everyone who walks into Mooney’s. That's how you know I love you: I understand that you need time and space to figure out how you feel. And I can wait. And I don't take it out on others. Love is patient, after all.

And this is love. I know it is. You said I am great, and cute, and ugh, and that means something. But you said it yourself: you are ruining this by avoiding me. And when I text you, you're short with me. Why are you doing this to us? Are you the kind of girl who sabotages good things?

Then you finally text me properly. It's a long string of texts, and I want to ignore you because I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed in you, honestly, and I think that's fair. But the more I read, the more I smile, and I know I will not ignore you.

YOU: ok im so sorry i know iv been super distant and rude and that is totally on me and id love to tell u iv just been busy or whatever but the truth is actually that i've kind of been avoiding you?? i know i know im a mega bitch. plz forgive me 🙏🏻

YOU: but heres the thing iv never??? done this before??? like gone on dates and gotten drunk and spilled my guts to a guy and liked a guy

YOU: like this is so embarrassing bc i might just be making a super big deal out of nothing

YOU: iv had like six coffees today im sorry im not making sense

YOU: iv never had a boyfriend before and i dont have any other friends here and also im kind of like. super insecure??? so

YOU: you can interrupt me any minute now

YOU: pls

ME: Just give me a moment.

Ethan isn't here to watch the register but honestly, (Y/n)? I don't care. There's only two people in the store and they've both been browsing forever. They're just going to end up buying books they will never read, so I go into the office and close the door behind me. And then I call you.

You answer right away.

“Hey, you,” you say, embarrassed.

“You should have too much coffee more often,” I tell you.

“Uh, no, never again. I have a horrible headache.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” you assure me. I hear something slam in the background. “Oops.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just rearranging my furniture.”

“Okay. Why?”

“I'm having a… day,” you say. “Sometimes I just have these moments where I have to change something about my life right this second, you know?”

“So you rearrange your furniture and you text guys illiterate love confessions.”

“Illiterate!” you exclaim. “I will have you know I am a copywriter, and I'm very good at my job.”

“Uh huh.”

“My failure to capitalize my texts is entirely on purpose.”

“Right.”

“And so is the lack of commas.”

I keep quiet, and you realize that I called what you sent me a love confession. You don't correct me because you do love me. You do.

“So,” you say. “Thoughts?”

“I like you. I think that's pretty clear. I went to a music festival with you, and the music was terrible.”

You laugh.

“But I don't want to push you into anything. Have you really never had a boyfriend?”

“Well, there was this boy at summer camp when I was twelve. We held hands on the swings and he shared his Nintendo with me. But I don't think that counts.” I've never wanted to kill a twelve-year-old boy before. “Then there was a girl when I was fifteen. I liked her but it turned out she was just, like, experimenting. So was I, really. We lasted two weeks.”

A girl, huh? This isn't something I expected. But I don't react, because I know you want me to react, and you also don't always like to get what you want right away.

“But no,” you conclude. “I've never actually dated anyone before. That doesn't mean you're pushing me.”

You are so brave, (Y/n). You've never been in love with anyone before but here you are, taking charge.

On your end of the phonecall, something else slams. Then something shatters. You curse and someone knocks on the office window, and I hold up my finger at him to indicate one minute.

“Hey,” I say. “Do you want me to come over and help? After work, I mean.”

“No. I mean, yes to coming over, but no to helping. I'll just get annoyed because you're not doing it exactly how I want it to be done.”

“I'll just bring food, then.”

Another kock at the window. I'm going to kill this guy.

“Great! I'm craving pizza,” you say.

“Pizza it is. Toppings?”

“Pepperoni. And jalapenos.”

“You got it.”

“See you tonight, Joe,” you say, but what you really mean is I love you.

We hang up and I go help the man. I am so nice to him, because you have invited me to your apartment. You want me there. You want me to sit on your bed and feed you and watch you move your books around because you love me, and you told me you've never had a boyfriend before which means you think I am your boyfriend now.

Closing time can't come soon enough.

[ilanorgratvol]

I know, there are plenty playlists for our gorgeous Wizard of Waterdeep, but I just had to let it out of my system.

What strikes me the most about this one is that like almost every song for me is associated with some stage during Gale's life (well, almost, I'm still filling the gaps). And I just can't stop and listening to it, imagining all these events in my head.

I hope someone will find this interesting.

Goddess of the Rain - the stage of ultimate devotion of Mystra. Young Gale, had just gotten the attention of the Goddess of Magic herself and is eager to prove himself worthy.

Take me to your church Teach me how to sing Show me how to pray

Break me as you will Let me be your priest Let me be your prey

Let me rise to stand Here beside your form As your right handHere within the storm

Paradise - we've gotten Stockholm syndrome, guys :) Gale is still devoted to his Goddess but started to realise all toxicity of their relationships. Is he able to go away? Well, not now.

"In the most nights, she keep returning in her weaves..."

Toxic, kinda' crazy, hot Keeps me underneath her thumb Robs me of my dignity tonight Always wants to take a piece And chew me up and spit me out Just enough to get me through the night Before I know it— I'm just doing what she says Yes, I'm doing this...

Wrong Side of Heaven - Gale has already gotten the Orb and was abandoned by Mystra. He feels frustrated and lost and locks himself in his tower.

I spoke to God today And she said that she's ashamed What have I become? What have I done? I spoke to the devil today And he swears he's not to blame And I understood 'Cause I feel the same

Goodbye Cruel World - Gale lost himself in self-pity.

Whoa, goodbye cruel world I'm off to join the circus Gonna be a brokenhearted clown Paint my face with a good-for-nothing smile 'Cause a mean, fickle woman Turned my whole world upside down

Can't Find a Way - Gale finally left his tower, hoping to make a brand new start. This is when he was captured by the Illithids and the events of the game had taken the place. He started to accept Mystra's decision and tried to disassociate from the past.

Now that youve gone again Ive found other friends You ask what you are You don't even care for me Im tired of belivin Now that youve gone away Nothings left to say You ask what you are You dont even care for me Im tired and leavin

A Place in Your World - gods, isn't it the most Golden Retriever song?)) Gale meets Tav, slowly falling in love, seeking their attention.

Would you like to see within my heart? Would you like to be there when I fall apart? The sun might scorch my eyes But no one ever cries a tear for me Is there nothing more that I can stand? I feel so displaced now I'm the lonely man But look into my eyes And maybe you can see what's in my heart

Repentance - Gale has gotten the message from Mystra and considering to follow her order. I imagine him sitting alone in his tent, illuminating only by candle on his table; his hands in his hair, his head lowered and eyes shut closed.... Oooogh, it's a tough one.

Staring at the finished page before me All the damage now so clear and evident Thinking 'bout the dreaded task in store for me A bitter fear at the thought of my amends

Hoping that the step will help restore me To face my past and ask for forgiveness Cleaning up my dirty side of this unswept street Could this be the beginning of the end?

The Cross - Tav persuades Gale not to follow Mystra's order and claim the Crown of Karsus. Gale meets Mystra to threaten her. "Not happening" Gale's line is in my mind forever.

I was young and so naive You were God and I believed You made me kneel You made me feel Like it was all my fault But now I know it wasn't mine at all

Lose Control - I mean, guys. You know what it is about ;)

Something's got a hold of me lately No, I don’t know myself anymore Feels like the walls are all closin' in And the devil's knockin’ at my door, woah Out of my mind, how many times did I tell you I'm no good at bein' alone? Yeah, it's taken a toll on me, tryin' my best to keep From tearin' the skin off my bones, don't you know

First Light - classic! Gale and Tav find comfort in their tower in Waterdeep and themselves. I don't think I need to explain anything here))

One bright mornin' changes all things Soft and easy as your breathin', you wake Your eyes open at first, a thousand miles away But turnin' shoot a silver bullet point-blank range And I can scarce believe what I'm believin' in Could this be how every day begins?

_________________

Want me to make playlists for other characters? Let me know in the comments.

[ghostismybbygorl]

Im sick right now, hopefully its not covid

( ive had it 4 times now)

But im gonna write some headcannons of 141 plus Alejandro and Rudy when they're sick

Price

in denial that he's sick

"Something must be blooming"

He'll carry a giant box of tissues around him at all times constantly blowing his nose (he's blows his nose so loudly)

Goes through a box of tissues a day

The only time he accepts that he's sick is when he a). Looks like death and is so tired he cant get out of bed b). Gets sick to his stomach or c) when his symptoms get really bad

He got covid and legit was passed out on the couch whining about how shitty he feels

Soap

Price gave him covid

It knocked him the fuck out

Alright now when hes sick

He gets super whiney and clingy when he's sick

"Ghooost" "what" "i dont feel good 🥺" "sucks for you"

Hes in bed box of tussues on the right, trash can on the left filled to the brim with tissues

He sleeps all day if he can but his congestion is so bad he'll just wine and moan about how shit he feels.

He takes all the cold medicine and none of them work for him

He takes hot baths to sweat out the sickness

A cuddle bug he has multiple pillows he just holds onto

When he had covid he whole ass fell asleep eating his food

He cried a little as well

Ghost

This is him when he's sick

He pouts when he's sick

He'll lie in bed all day just zoning out

If he has to do some shit he'll try not to act like he's sick (which fails because he'll be sniffling like crazy and just looks sad)

He gets grumpy too. One time a rookie pissed him off he made them mop the floor with a tooth brush

He hasn't gotten covid yet due to him wearing a mask all the time

He doesnt take anything he just suffers through it

"It'll eventually go away"

Usually gets a sinus infection after he's which pisses him off more

Gaz

Nobody knows he's sick cause he takes everything over the coutner.

He sleeps with a humidifier thats got vics in it

Dayquil, mucinex, afrin, peppermint tea, an edible all in his system.

If he feels REALLY bad he'll just call out and sit in his bed playing video games

Soup is his meal 24/7

Price gave him covid as well

He still cant taste food properly

If he eats something and it doesnt taste like it should he'll throw a glare at price occasionally flooing the bird at him

Alejandro

Mans a beast at home remedies

As soon as his nose gets stuffy he immediately gets the vics and applies it to his sinuses

Carries tissues around him to blow his nose. He does it in private not a big fan of blowing his nose in public he also carries vics everywhere

He has the humidifier, the vapo shower, everything

Makes sopa de pollo with extra jalapeños to clear his sinuses

He makes lemon tea with either hella onion or ginger, tastes like shit but gets the job done

He's rarely sick but when he does he's just tired and speaks with a nasaly voice

Hes not a big fan of cold medicines but if he has to take it he will

Rudy

Like soap he's a big baby when it comes to being sick

But he hides it well in public

Of coure he's all about home remedies

Vics vapo rub is carried around him 24/7

He'll only take theraflu cause that shits the only thing that works.

Religiously takes advil to stop the sinus swelling

When he's not working he'll sleep as much as he can.

He takes HOT baths to sweat out the sickness

König

Sleepy boy when hes sick

He'll just randomly fall asleep on someones shoulders

He'll sleep all day

Doesnt like to take cold medicine but he'll take it if he really doesnt feel good.

He drinks alot of tea and makes herbal remedies

He gets really quiet, doesnt speak at all

He sniffles lightly and he'd hide to blow his nose. Very embarrassed about blowing his nose

Carries peppermints in his pocket and ginger candies

Uses a netty pot and does salt rinces

Takes hot showers with eucalyptus, lavender, and peppermint hanging off the shower head

He likes to curl up in a nest of blankets with sweats and a hoodie. He doesnt wear his hood only a face mask to not make other people sick

He takes vitamin c everyday to help him not get sick

[gwenboucharddidnothingwrong]

i think we can all agree that it’s not gonna be as simple as ‘arthur gets his daughter back, john and arthur get to live separately’ right? but what if it was? (well not quite but hear me out)

kayne has shown that he’s able to interact with faroe in other timelines, and also transport people (john and arthur atleast) between those timelines, but would he really be capable of creating a whole new faroe for arthur even if he is telling the truth? or of giving john his own body? i don’t think so.

i reckon that, for kayne to bring back faroe in the ‘middle c’ universe, he’d have to take her out of another timeline, which would cause all sorts of problems elswhere. (although tbh i wouldn’t put it past kayne. he doesn’t seem all that bothered as to what effects his actions have on other timelines). even if arthur got faroe back, would he just be forced to let her go/have her taken away from him because of some interdimentional reasons beyond his control?

also, what’s so special about the arthur in our timeline? i mean, kayne is most likely not even from the ‘middle c’ timeline, and the whole ‘darkthur’ thing shows he’s been following what’s been going on in the other timelines. who’s to say he’s not been making empty promises to every other arthur and john? AND IF HE HAS WHAT WOULD THAT MEAN (does he need the same thing from multiple timelines?? tbh i don’t think this point is particularly likely, but just putting it out there)

and as for john getting his own body - he wouldn’t be getting his own back. unless kayne is planning on reuniting him with the king in yellow, where the hell would he be getting that body from? would it be human? would it not? (OR HE COULD JUST PUT HIM IN PARKERS DEAD BODY SSJSJDJGJKFJGG)

the promises he made them are really vague which makes me think he’s definitely not giving them the full picture of the deal they’re making (i mean considering it’s kayne we’re talking about i guess that was a given but still).

also i get that, considering the threats that kayne has made, they don’t have much of a choice but to do what he’s told them to, but what about the repercussions of giving kayne what he wants? it’s clearly not gonna be anything good, and now i come to think of it we know next to nothing about his actual motives. so far he’s pretty much just showed up, killed people, and caused problems.

i’m gonna be real i wasn’t paying that much attention at this point in the episode so i can’t actually remember exactly what he wanted arthur and john to get, but considering the threats he made to make sure they didn’t have any option but to do what he wanted, it’s gotta be really important to him.

and tbh, i’ve got a feeling kayne is working for someone, or atleast being made to do this. he went to some pretty big lengths to prove to john and arthur not only how much power he had, but to make it clear what he was willing to do with that power. i don’t actually have much evidence to back this point up tbh but IVE GOT A FEELING ABOUT IT OK

and also why does he need arthur to do it? is it arthur specifically that he needs for whatever reason? i mean that would make sense, why else would kayne be forcing him to do it, and why else would he have gotten john to try and make arthur get that stone (was that what it was? again, i’m bad at following for the whole hour) in new york.

but has he made them do whatever it is because he knows something will happen? has he made all those promises to john and arthur knowing it won’t matter either way because they aren’t going to make it back?

tldr, even if kayne were to give john and arthur what he said he would, there’s no way it would be as simple as he says it is

(wow, didn’t expect this post to go on for so long, well done for reading if you got up to here, have an unrelated doodle i drew in my physics book below the cut and go drink some water or something)

(his name is jumbo!)

[pandoras-romance-guru]

Ewya Ships it (Part Two)

Continuation of this right here! (Part 1)

Neteyam x Avatar!Reader 

CW: Angst, Hurt/ comfort, Reader and Neteyam have a fight, Tuk and Kiri are best girls, Jake comes in with the dad advice, Reader gets double triple mum support.

A/n: Really liked how the first part turned out but i didn’t want it to get too long, so here is another part, that also might get too long lol. :)

Bold text is for text spoken in Na'vi

After your talk with Lo’ak, you find Neteyam with his family’s Ikran.

It appeared like he has just gotten back just like Lo’ak had said. You can tell from his shoulders that he had been out for a while because they looked slightly darker, almost like they were burnt. Could navi get sunburnt? You wondered.

His back had been facing you so he hadnt seen you approach. Which was good because despite his younger brothers encouragement, being infront of him now the doubt began to bubble up again.

You can do this, youve done things scarier than this.

You figure that now that your here you might as well tell him. Because if you dont and blabber-mouth gets to him first then he really will be upset with you.

A deep breath.

"Neteyam"

He turns at the sound of your voice - surprised. You on the other hand are surprised by just how steady and authoritative you sounded. Despite the feeling od dread pooling in your stomach

"(Name), i havent seen you in a while! What have you been up to? Not avoiding me i hope!" He jokes

"Of course not" you laugh

At least not on purpose

However the friendly air starts to shift as he fixes his gaze on your stature, him clearing his throat and adjusting his own. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

You give a curt nod in response. "And its important."

"Well then tell me" he encourages, his tone is calm and inviting, but the look he gives hides a small amount of anxiety.

"I...well... you know how we are very different right?" You say, unsure of how to bring it up casually

"Yeah?"

"Well... ive been gifted with a very unique opportunity!" You continue, trying to make yourself sound chipper and excited to help the point across. "...I uh... have an avatar body now... and im going to bond it with ewya to become it, or rather that version of 'me'... permanently."

Neteyam doesn say anything. His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open so wide he might be able to catch bugs in it. Heavy tension hangs in the so long that even with your oxygen mask on you feel the lack of air

"So thats what youve been doing? Huh? Doing this behind my back? How long were you planning this?! And your only just telling me this now!?" The more questions come from his mouth the louder and more aggressive his tone becomes "do you even understand what your saying to me right now!?"

Whelp. This was going JUST as well as Lo'ak predicted.

You know what he was saying was coming from a place of care. You know that. The process in question had only been successful with his father and he was personally chosen by eywa. But the way he was saying it was making it seem like you had made the decision on a whim!

That made you mad

"OF COURSE I DO!" You retaliate. Your sudden tone with him makes Neteyam falters in his verbal assault on why it was a bad idea. So you continue. Calmly this time.

"I have not made this choice lightly. i wouldve thought that the idea of us being together, PROPERLY mightve made you excited. Clearly i was wrong. But this isnt just about you, or me. This choice means a great deal to others that i now consider very dear. My mothers."

Neteyams eyes widen.

"The ritual will be happening tomorrow night. Whether you are there or not it doesnt matter anymore. It will be up to ewya."

You quickly turn to leave, no longer acknowledging the boy. You anticipated his discontentment... but him shouting at you like that? You needed some time alone. Maybe your mothers could provide some insight.

So you hurried off to find them

~~~

You hear them before you see them, gentle whispers and and loving reassurances.

"Trust me my love it will be fine we must trust in Ewya" one of your mothers spoke, clearly comforting your other parent.

"I know dearest. And believe me, i do, its just... we have waited a while for this to happen... if it doesnt take... does that mean the great mother doesnt think us good parents? We have raised that girl, she knows our ways better than any other. Ewya must she how that body fails her and give her a body that speaks to her."

Your mothers backs are facing you when you come into the tent. For a moment, you think about walking back out. They seem more than stressed enough to comfort your tears.

But your runny nose and not so quiet sniffle makes an ear twitch.

They turn with smiles on their faces, but falter when they see you no return it.

"Dearest daughter what is the matter?" Sa'neya chides crouching to your leavel and stroking you hair

"Its nothing... just that boys are really really stupid" you sniff, hiding your face in her shoulder

Nilan'gi makes a disgruntled noise from the back of her throat "That boy... why i ought to-"

"Ah!" Sa'neya tuts "Be calm, be calm. This will not help anyone. We need to support each other right now. The ceremony will soon begin. That is where we need to focus our efforts"

You nod. Wishing you could wipe your tears and make yourself presentable.

"Why dont you go see the sully girls? Maybe they have some pretty beads and can do your hair." Milan'gi suggests putting her hand on your shoulder

"No! I want to be the one to do it! Im her mother i should be the first one that gets to do her hair!" Sa'neya huffs tail swishing aggressively

You giggle at their little argument. This in turn gets there attention on your again. "I cant wait to wake up and get to be with you. I want to go flying with you as soon as possible mum!" You hug Milan'gi's waist. She stiffens, not really being one for lots of psychical touch. But you feel her relax as she whispers in a quiet voice

"I would like that very much little one. We will go to all the best spots"

---

You cautiously approach the sully tent.

Not wanting to have another run-in with Neteyam.

You find Neytiri and Jake, milling around and tidying. When Neytiri sees you she brightens a little and gives you a small nod to come inside.

"(Name) what brings you here? If you are looking for the girls im afraid you just missed them. They were going to go dip in the rock pools before the ceremony"

"Oh. Thats ok then, i was just going to ask them if they had any shells or beads they would like to share. Mother Sa'neya wants some so she can do my hair later."

The prospect of "later" seems to make the Sully adults stiffen a little. While they are hopeful, the thought that later might not come is something that seems to way heavily. But if you notice, it goes unsaid.

"Ill have them pick out the best ones upon their return."

You smile and nod your head.

"Will Neteyam be flying you there?" Jake asks

You go quiet, thinking hard before you answer. "About that..."

Quickly explaining the past several hours has both parents scowling, shaking their heads and sighing.

"That boy i swear..." you hear him mumble in english. "Of all the times to be stubborn and pig-headed"

"My mothers said that they will take both of me their. Its something they dont want anyone else doing."

Neytiri hums in understanding.

"Of course. You are their child. It would only make sense."

Before you can continue the conversation you can hear the voices of the other kids.

Along with Neteyam.

Not wanting to see him again just yet you say quick goodbyes and slip out the back.

--- Quick 3rd person pov intermission sully kids edition

The laughter of the four sully kids fills the camp on the way back to the tent. They laugh and shove each other as they joke about event from the rock pools

It all comes to a crashing hault as the children make eyes with their father; whom looks displeased and disappointed.

It seems to ease the slightest bit when he adresses the two girls

"Girls, be sure you take the beads and shells to give to Sa'neya and Milan'gi. Itll be a good gift for (Name)'s awakening. But only if it goes well"

The mention of their human friend had the older children stiffening.

Tuk, not fully understanding the implication of her fathers words smiles brightly "sure dad! We will have to wait till after to give it to them right? Because i also have my own gift i wanna give them!"

"Im sure they will love it Tuk" Neytiri soothes, ushering the youngest girl to where the trinkets were being kept.

Kiri, ever astute, takes that as her opportunity to leave mouthing a 'youre in troubleee' before making herself scarce

"Neteyam." Jake's voice hardens

"Yes sir?"

"Tell me why im hearing from (Name) that you and them had an argument and that the two of you werent speaking?"

The boys eyes widen at their fathers words. "Wait... they were here?" Lo'ak asks, worry in his tone as he glances at his brother

"Earlier. Now answer the question Neteyam. Did you shout at them for behaving - and these are their words - 'recklessly, on a whim, and behind your back?'"

"You said that to them!" Lo'ak interrupts smacking his bothers shoulder hard. A strong pointed father look stops him from doing more.

"Yes. But they were also shouting-" Neteyam reasons

"That is not the issue here boy!" His father shouts. "You have been going on non-stop about this kid. You had both me and your mother believing that you would choose them! Hells we were on the verge of even discussing it with their mothers! And you act like this!" He rants ears pinned and teeth bared in frustration.

Neteyam can feel his ears and tail droop as his break eye contact with his father. A pain begins to settle in his chest as he starts to think at the thought of him and (Name) choosing each other now being a distant dream.

After what shouldve been (Name) giving him good news.

Tears begin to well in his eyes. "Im sorry father... i know i shouldnt have spoken to them like that but i was just so-"

"I know"

Neteyam feels his fathers hands grip his shoulders. "Son, i know what it is like to have your share of spats in a yound relationship. Your mother and i didnt exactly start off great either. You all know that story." He says gently "and this is why i know, and your mother will agree. That there is still time to mend things if you not only own up to your actions, but do your damn best to make things better."

Neteyam nods in understanding. Jake nods in acknowledgement and straightens to his full height. "You are going to make an appearance. As is your duty. Be sure your ready." He huffs

Lo'ak whacks Neteyam the moment their are alone. "I cant believe you"

"I should be saying that! You knew? How long" Neteyam growls

"Not much longer than you bro, just earlier today. who do you think gave them directions to where you were! If i knew this would happen i wouldnt have said to go to you!" The younger brother exclaims.

Neteyam feels his heart constrict more. He huffs and turns. Now was not the time for moping, his father was right. He was going to do whatever it took to make it right.

Now he just had to pray that that chance would come.

--- back to the regularly scheduled program

You lay on the ground as the clan tsahik Mo'at mutters and chants in Na'vi. The clan echos her words as the ground pulses.

A pit of anxiety wells in your stomach as you feel parts of the ground start to wrap around you into a cocoon.

Sa'neya sees your stress and places her large hand onto your chest.

"Be calm my child, all will be well. You will return to us soon. Have faith" her words sound confident, but you can see the way her eyes betray the slight hint of doubt and fear herself.

Minlan'gi joins her hand with your other mum, the gesture bringing even more comfort.

"We will see you soon. Your mother cant wait to pinch your cheeks until they burst with happiness" she whispers

"I do not!" She hisses back playfully.

The interact brings warmth to your heart and you smile.

You can feel the ground pulsing strengthen, lulling you to sleep. Mo'at visage appears before you again as your mothers make room for her

She eases the mask off and despit breathing the pure pandorian air. You arent struggling for breath.

"Feeling... sleepy... Mama" you mumble tiredly, your vision blurring

You dont see Sa'neya's own eyes begin to tear up as she shakingly strokes your hair. "Thats meant to happen darling one. That means we will see you soon. Try not to take to long, your mother will grow impatient"

"O...K.." you slur.

Then the world falls to darkness

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

IV.

Akai Shuichi: Did you elope. [03:45 a.m.]

What Shuichi really needs is to lay this mystery his mother so graciously imposed on him to rest. The sooner, the better. So here he is, reaching out in the vague hope that just maybe this meeting wasn't actually about him. It's possible, after all, that one of his siblings did something to upset their mother, and she ended up giving all of them an earful. Letting her dismay be known, as is her speciality.

In that scenario, the most likely culprit is his lovesick little brother. He, after all, does have a partner he's even engaged to, and from what Shuichi has seen from Shukichi's fiancée, she might be prone to rash actions while under the influence.

It does not make too much sense, not really; Shukichi has always been the sibling most aware of social sensibilities, the one with the easiest time dealing with their mother. But at this point, Shuichi's grasping at straws.

Because it can't have been about him, judging by his mother's surprise.

Haneda Shukichi: Without telling the best man? Hardly. [03:47 a.m.]

And just like that, he's back to square one.

.

Shuichi might not have the best relationship with his mother, but he knows for a fact that she's not the type for arbitrary courtesy calls. She's all business, all the time. It's a miracle Masumi has a sense of humour at all, and he's yet to be convinced that's not entirely thanks to Shukichi's influence.

Therefore, Mary must have gotten it into her head somehow that there is someone in his life he has purposefully kept from meeting her. Not that she is wrong, conceptually - if he did have a partner, he'd spare them the headache that is dealing with Akai Mary.

The thing is, there is no one like that in his life. Shouldn't be, can't be. Not again. He's learned his lesson.

.

If in doubt, break down what you know about the case, and extrapolate from there.

Considering his mother only just now came out of hiding, he feels reasonably safe in the assumption that she did not make the relevant observation herself. Instead, it seems more likely his darling sister said something that ticked her off - enough that she figured she needed to confront him about it. Therefore, he needs to analyse possible partners in his surroundings, with a focus on those that Masumi knows. As an extension to the parameters, his family is aware of his cover as Okiya Subaru, whose contacts must also be examined. This has cost him enough time. He will get to the bottom of it, now.

.

For anyone who knows their history, Jodie would be an obvious candidate. Not that he still loves her, can't say that he has in years, at least not romantically.

He's been told he's supposed to feel guilty about what he did to her, but he can't help comparing this slight to some of the things he's done while undercover. He always comes away thinking at least she's still alive. At the time, he gave her the best he could: the truth. It might not have been pleasant, but it's certainly better than the lies and secrets he's buried under, these days.

She has, since his return to the US, made it abundantly clear, on several occasions, that the way he broke up with her was 'tactless, heartless and cruel, even for you, Shuu' and 'you better be eternally grateful Camel and I agreed to still work with you.' And to be clear, he is. They make for a decent team. Time and again they've proven they'll have his back. Sure, they have their weaknesses, but so does he, and in the end, they pick up each other's slack. It's good enough.

The irony of learning to appreciate a good team from a criminal syndicate is not lost on Shuichi - even if technically he learned it from two PSB agents. He's definitely not still sulking because he couldn't get Scotch on their team as some sort of remote consultant; the bureau was adamant, and probably right: He can't be in witness protection and working for the FBI. The less connection he has to this case, the better. Still, some days, he finds himself missing Scotch's level head and Bourbon's ingenuity.

Getting sidetracked. Focus.

He's been careful not to mix his Okiya identity and the FBI. That knocks out Jodie - and Kir, for completion's sake. Masumi doesn't know them, and if he has his way, she won't for a good long while. Their work is far too dangerous to get her involved. Plus, letting her meet Jodie would give both of them too much blackmail material.

Hm. Who does Masumi know, actually?

There's her classmates, Mouri Ran and Suzuki Sonoko, who came by the Kudo manor for a while to help him clean it up. While the latter seems a bit taken by Okiya Subaru, both of them are half his age and he really hopes he has been nothing but the perfect gentleman to them. Even if they weren't, though, theirs is a mess he would really rather not deal with. He's got to assume Masumi is more aware of the specifics of their love lives. He can only hope that, aside from the occassional meddling on Conan's behalf, he would prefer literally anything else over being involved with teen romance.

Hm. While on the subject of the Kudo mansion, Kudo Yukiko has been around to help with his disguise and learning to cook (though Furuya and Haibara have assessed that it is barely edible, so he has a long way to go still). She's a known fan of the Scarlet Agent, and surely it's not difficult for Masumi to figure out that movie is based on his life. Still, the girls haven't been around since the Kudos have officially returned, so it's seems rather unlikely Masumi would be aware of their relationship.

He's not going to think about his little cousin as an option. Masumi is smarter than that.

At this point he's really reaching. There's a couple of undergrad engineering students who have requested private tutoring the few times he's been at uni, some in desperation, some in obvious flirtation. He's denied them all. His engineering degree might not just be for show, but he really can't involve civilians in his business. Besides, Masumi hasn't followed him to university. As far as he can tell, at least.

If he's going into barely acquaintance territory, Furuya asked him once or twice to meet in the vicinity of café Poirot, too injured to stray far. He'd been complaining about Masumi giving him odd looks and stalking him, so she might have been watching them run into Enomoto Azusa. That had been a stilted conversation, even for him. Furuya's coworker had been a stark reminder of happiness that could have been, in a different life. Thankfully, perfectly diplomatic Amuro had cut the conversation short, insisting they had places to be.

And with that, he's reached the end of the list of women in his life. Some of them he'd even consider friends, but none of them particularly warrant the term partner, not even professionally. He hasn't had one since Scotch. Jodie could count, maybe, but the term implies a pair and he's been working in that team for so long that in this case Camel would also have to be considered- wait.

His mother is not the kind of person to use cutesy monickers like 'girlfriend', so he figured 'partner' was a professional catch-all. A work partner wouldn't warrant a reaction like that.

It's a little obvious, in hindsight.

Rei who came by with coffee when the girls were baking in the Kudo mansion.

Rei who complained about Masumi following him.

Rei who has been wearing the family sweater.

Oh.

.

Okay, so. Shuichi can see how Masumi arrived at her conclusion, however wrong it might be. For people like them, the fact they're meeting at all is probably the biggest indicator. They've shaken her tail off pretty consistently, so she wouldn't know they don't actually spend that much time together. And that Furuya is rather insistent on the fact that he's a reluctant ally. Not a friend. He still throws a fit whenever he realizes he's done anything exceeding the minimum amount of cooperation (there's a lot of fits).

The headache is back with a vengeance.

He should have listened to Furuya's concerns, intervened before. But he was kind of supposed to be dead.

Shuichi needs to have a talk with his sister.

.

Like Shukichi had promised, no one in their right mind wants to watch the early afternoon screening of Poultrygeist Two - The Plot Chickens. It's a good thing then that 'in their right mind' describes neither Masumi, who is somehow weirdly invested in trashy horror flicks, nor Okiya Subaru, newly minted horror movie connoisseur, as of two days ago. They reconvene inside.

"A pleasant surprise to meet you here, Subaru!" She smiles cheekily at him, grins.

"Miss Sera, was it?" He nods, and ignores her for the moment, turning to watch the screen. In his pocket, he flicks a portable signal jammer on. Nobody is supposed to know who they are and that they are here, but they can never be too careful.

Okiya Subaru continues staring at the screen until the movie starts, in an eruption of gore, splatter and the violent clucking of chickens. It's way too loud. Perfect cover.

"You two have to stop bothering Amuro." It seems wrong to call him that, but it would be even worse to give away Furuya's identity. Shuichi loves his sister, but she already knows too much and really isn't careful enough about it. Furuya must not be exposed, especially not at this critical junction.

"Oh? You want him all to yourself?" Masumi grins, devious. A reckless proposition, if he's ever heard one. Nobody could contain Furuya Rei.

"It's not like that." He shakes his head, trying to get the message across. "You don't want to get on his bad side." An annoyed Furuya is a vicious Furuya, Shuichi could provide extensive testimony to that effect in court. If she doesn't stop, he'll find a way to force her to. And Shuichi isn't sure he would oppose Masumi leaving the picture until the BO is dealt with.

Masumi's eyes narrow, pensive. She's got good instincts, possibly better than his own. Surely she must've noticed Amuro's dazzling smile sugar-coating what usually amounts to orders you shouldn't refuse. The way steel slips into his eyes when he's on a case, how he doesn't stop until he has his answers. The skills that do not fit in with a waiter-slash-detective.

"If he's that dangerous, why do you keep him around?"

A good question, if he's being honest. But in the end his perspective doesn't really matter. Rei leaves him little choice. If he didn't love his Japan so much, he would've followed Shuichi to the end of the world, and probably beyond, already. Now that he's back, there's no chance he could escape for long.

"Work."

Judging by his sister's raised eyebrow, she doesn't seem to believe him.

"Uh-huh. And that's why you gave him your sweater?"

Not her too with that inane piece of clothing. Why does it always circle back to that?

"As I said, it's not like that. He needed it. He's just not managed to give it back." Which, considering Furuya's general tendency for payback in a timely manner, probably means Shuichi won't. It's been months. That's fine. It's not like he is attached to it. And it suits Furuya.

It doesn't look like Masumi is convinced.

"Look." He's just a little bit exasperated. "You followed him to find me, right? You did, well done. Now stay away from him." She's better off far away from Furuya. To be completely honest, she probably should stay away from the both of them, tainted as they are. But she's family, and he can't quite begrudge her reaching out. He tried the same, after all.

She frowns at him, scans him and then, slowly, a grin spreads over her face.

"Alright, if it's that important to you", she agrees pleasantly, and he's about to breathe a sigh of relief when she adds, "on one condition."

"Name it."

"It's my birthday in a month. You're celebrating with us."

It's not a terrible trade-off, but Shuichi has a gut feeling he'll regret having said yes when all is said and done.

They end up actually watching the rest of the movie, and it's frankly kind of nice to spend some quality time roasting a shitty movie with his little sister.

Case closed. Finally.

.

As he sits awake that night, running surveillance from the sniper's nest in the Kudo attic, he wonders how things got to this point.

For years now he's carefully kept his distance to Furuya in order to not get caught in the blast radius when he inevitably explodes and takes as much as possible down with him.

Because somehow, Rei has never gotten the memo to distance himself from the job. A bleeding heart like him that cares too much, too quickly, and lets his emotions dictate his actions is a terrible choice for an undercover agent. He should be dead three times over in a criminal organisation, and yet. And yet.

Shuichi knows, first-hand, the determination it takes to carry on, despite all their work takes from them. What he buried to keep going might possibly, one day, be recovered. But Rei? He immolates himself for the country he loves so dearly. So the world can be brighter, the people safer. In the end, all that will remain of him is a burnt-out shell, nothing but ashes left in his wake. How much further can he go, until he runs out of fuel?

In the years they've known each other now, things have never been easy between them, but Shuichi's never been the one to wish him harm. It was Bourbon who wanted Rye dead, saw him as a threat. Then Amuro Tooru wanted Akai alive, the last thread connecting to Scotch. Shuichi is not quite sure what Furuya Rei wants with him, now.

To be kept so close he's mistaken as Rei's partner is foolish. And a privilege he'd never thought possible.

He's standing side by side with a dying star, and all he wants is to watch it burn a little longer.

.

Sweater weather AU masterpost

[nerves-nebula]

Hey! I absolutely love your work! Loved what you did with your AU and I hope you have more instore♡♡ Im gonna say rn tho that I cant word for the life of me so I hope my questions make some what sense

1. Will shredder/footclan pop up more later in the series?

2. How would splinter react when he finds about Raph and Casey? Would he just be absolutely angry or bamboozled since he thought turtles couldnt be gay?

Im sorry if either of these questions were already asked, if they were just ignore them. But I hope you are doing well, and let yourself have breaks when you need, we will understand♡♡ Have some pats n a hug (im uncomfy with kisses sorry-😭😭)

yeah they will. The foot is pretty important to them I think. i just haven't gotten around to it hahah. ive been delving a lot in to the PAST and the FUTURE of the turtles but as far as the NOW of them being teenagers? I haven't actually done much work there. what can i say i love a good backstory.

I'm not sure Splinter will ever pick up on it unless someone outs them to him. Casey and Raph arent even aware of their feelings for each other until wayyy later

but if someone DID or he did hypothetically find out. I think he'd be like,, mean about it but not like, DISOWNING YOU mean about it, yknow what I mean? He'd be like "ugh ew keep that shit outta my house" but he's also fully a homophobic gay man so he'd probably come to some weird conclusion like: "Oh my weird son is just going through That Phase we all go through. So long as he doesn't keep doing this when he's older I guess I'll just make my disgust clear and turn a blind eye for now."

im also uncomfy with kisses irl (been having a lot of trouble accepting affection for a while at this point it almost HURTS it feels so bad fasdgga) but i dont really care about what kind of virtual affection ppl give me lol

[elisedonut]

Piggybacking off all the omegaverse asks you've gotten recently, do you have any favorite scenarios or tropes with it? Or any ships or dynamics you really like in omegaverse aus?

👀

Hello I know I do seem to be getting quite a few lately and im not complaining about it very fun though i do worry im running out of things to say dkjaflksfj

For me at least I like Omega verse for alot of the same reasons i like soulmate aus but like different

so like the appeal of being able to smash characters together and go there ok now kiss!

One of my favorite concepts atm is like forced mating

i don't (unless its more fun for the scenario) tend to go for the whole one partner ever method much but i do like the idea that a mating bite still does something like it still takes a while to heal (months at least) and can affect your brain at least a little bit

Like they'll feel distressed when apart, get more agitated about other people they disapprove of being too close, lots of feeling like they need to keep the others scent on their skin

type of thing

and then depending on the scenario it is also fun when it's a really dramatic one and done thing where this action by a third party just completely fucked their life plans up a bit

like with soulmate aus I don't understand at all why Marriage would even be a thing that works how it does irl especially in worlds mating bites are a perm thing

idk my biggest omegaverse pet peeve is when it may as well just be two normal people and nothing about the situation is different

like I've said before that its a very dubcon type of trope and i think it honestly should be like your body is acting in ways you don't necessarily want and all you can do is hope the people around you have better control of themselves then you do in that moment

taking that away from it just always kind of makes me like yeah yeah sure

like i get it you don't want to deal with the more icky aspects of it so you make the heat subdue, you make it have no noticeable effect on those around them, you make the Alpha always strong enough to fight themself enough to say no. To fight back because they would never want to hurt them

but like idk i think i just don't see the point personally

like i think it can be done well when its very clear just how hard the alpha in question is fighting but a lot of the ones like this I've seen just kinda missed the mark to me

and Ofc everyone should always write things how ever they want but thats just my thoughts on it

that's also why I prefer worlds that include both Omegas having heats AND Alphas having ruts and think its the most fun when both sides have it equally as bad even if it's in like different ways

I also really like the concept of how good someone smells to you being like a sign of your compatibility

Im trying to think of new ones because I know ive answered a similar thing recently

oh I know i keep mentioning breastfeeding but im going to do it again because i read one fic in different fandom where it was a big part of the plot and im kind of !!! about it

I think Percy should feed Harry. Again not as a sexual thing

Maybe a few years post war it could turn sexual but it doesn't like have to but you know i still love situations and relationships that were meant to be platonic that get twisted as time goes on so like id be ok with it if it did

i just think it would be fun and it would be good for Harry give the boy some motherly styled affection that he was denied so much he deserves it ( i think this concept works well with any Harry ship where the other person could be an omega tbh i'm just Percy centric so)

like i want him to be making "I want to feed" noises during that first summer at the burrow even though at his age he really shouldn't be doing that as much and he doesn't even know why he's doing it or what it means while Percy's sitting there almost panicked over a cub in distress it's because hes malnourished

meanwhile Molly's just like "Oh would you please just feed the poor dear" she feels so bad for him but as a beta who's youngest child is already weaned she's past her feeding stage or she would just do it herself

I know pup is more common in omegaverse stuff when talking like kids that haven't presented yet but i like cub a lot too i think its cuter then pup tbh but i do switch back and forth alot

let's see

Oh! there is one concept iv'e thought about a few times that actually would need Percy to be an Alpha

(or just a non Omegaverse fic with a pregnancy potion which is actually the way i do typically think about it but im running out of things to say and it technically can fit an Omegaverse au so im using it)

where as another way to fuck with Lucius/ punish the Malfoy's for Lucius' fuck up more someone higher in Voldemort's circles (normally Bellatrix in my head because that helps it make sense in my head like yeah shes doing this for that reason but the idea can from a talk with Narcissa about grandchildren so in her crazy way she's like 'it's a perfect opportunity') decides to get Draco knocked up by someone who's undesirable enough to be a problem/disgraceful but not enough where it really 'ruins the pure blood ness' of the child

the kid would never be an actual Malfoy heir but that wasn't the point in the first place kinda thing a living reminder of sorts

so in other words a blood traitor because ive said before but i don't see how being a blood traitor would matter that much its still a pure blood and if said parent were to never be allowed to help raise said child then it really doesn't even matter and Lucius would be pissed and Draco would be a little disgusted so it's perfect

so yeah in an Omegaverse scenario i guess they would just lock them in the same room together and see if it works with plans to kill Percy after it does

but in the main way i think about it Bella forces him to drink the potion (which both parties have to drink) and Imperios him to go to Percy where ever he may be(because i flip flop on where actually this happens) and seduce him(and make him drink his half of the potion) and then they do bang but Draco is able to warn him of what's happening so they actually get to escape and in my head at least Percy panics and contacts Charlie so the end up going to Romania because since in the haze of the potion effecting him and Draco warning him without thinking he would actually do anything they are rightfully assuming the DE's will probably try to kill Draco if he went back so he can't which i imagine would be a bit more difficult in a heat based scenario

but!

you can play with the idea of like true mates in a heat based scenario where that luck of being true mates kept Percy from being killed because Bellatrix wouldnt want her nephew to like outright die (which we are going to say is what would happen)

but now instead he's practically a prisoner so still in a bad situation

another concept i used to think about alot is an asshole teacher holding an Alpha's face up against a very near/ currently in heat Percy's neck in this scenario mating bites are one and done thing though so if said Alpha breaks they will be tied together forever

normally its Snape but it's been Remus or Lockhart a few times in my head too though never did anything with it because while i really like the concept it doesn't fit any of the available characters very well and feels kind of ooc without figuring out their motivations (well i mean ig Lockhart could just a voyeur now that i think about it, the best i could come up with for Remus was knowing he was Percy's like true mate and he's trying to run by practically pushing Percy into someone else's arms, Snape just being a bitch though idk his motives are they pissed him off idk)

to me like i think the best teacher for it would be actually Barty as Moody i don't even think it would need an explanation tbh just ah yeah he would.

but that doesn't work as well with Percy because i can't see him being around the school after graduating when his heats about to hit i mean unless it was all planned ig Barty jr. could plan that sort of thing I've made him plan worse things regarding Percy in my head so i think it could work but even then its a wobbly maybe like a heat accelerant where Percy though he was in the clear for a good few weeks just to be hit with 'oh no-'

who would the alpha be idk its normally someone strong enough to carry him though because they're trying to get him to one of the emergency heat room before he gets swarmed or something

so probably a quidditch player or something

uhh

Ok i think I've taken long enough to answer this so there you go!

[calamitydaze]

can i be honest ive been a q fan for a long time now and i dont get why everyones suddenly unstanning him? like. i get being annoyed but i dont see why everyone i follow thinks its crazy to still support both of them when the worst q's done is ignore some messages. which is shitty and it does upset me but at the end of the day i dont understand why everyone HATES hates him now :(((( idk. sorry to bug u about this, esp if u dont rly want to talk about it with everything being soso stressful rn :( hope u r doing okay

no need to be sorry!! i don’t mind at all, i always wanna hear people’s honest thoughts :] and i get where you’re coming from— i’ve deeply admired quackity for years, and i was keeping my head down and still being a fan of him while the drama was ramping up and even defended him when i thought dtblr was being unreasonable a Day before the dressay dropped.

but i think it’s important to understand that the crux of what everyone is so mad about now is not just that quackity ignored messages (like you said, a shitty and upsetting way to handle things but able to be looked past). it’s that he ignored repeated good-faith attempts to resolve unintended competition, to the point of being willing to change their concept for him, from someone who thought they were friends (a childish and petty thing to do, and already showing of character). it’s that he didn’t make even the smallest effort to cooperate even when there was visible tension between fanbases, even when dream fans were getting harassed and doxxed and sent slurs and threats, even when dream and his family were being doxxed, stalked, tracked, and threatened to the point of the fbi needing to be in contact, to the point where dream’s very last resort was to make an open letter that he knew he was going to get shit for (a morally reprehensible thing to do).

and i’m not pinning the blame solely on quackity here— he can’t control anyone, and dream has always gotten more severe hate than the average creator. but the correlation is clear, and whether or not he meant it that way, people are taking quackity’s silence as permission. he didn’t even need to talk to dream for that, or be positive about the usmp itself! it only takes a minute and a little bit of decency to pop a priv tweet about not wanting anyone to harass in your name, and he couldn’t even do that. it really hurts because like i said, i loved him, but i just can’t reconcile support for the kind of person who would do that over a minecraft server. that’s just my opinion anyway (and hopefully i could explain more of why people are reacting the way they are). do what feels right to you :) i hope you’re doing okay too 🫂🫂🫂

[lesbovalentine]

wait guys can i be a little hater about totk i haven’t done that on here. and like for the record i’ve been having lots of fun with it even if i haven’t been able to play for a while. but also

idk how to do a read more on mobile. idk if u even can i didn’t use mobile when i used to make posts more. like five yrs ago. ill add that when im on my laptop next soryyyyy

anyways NUMBER ONE. sticking with the nonlinear storytelling. i think it worked for botw, felt immersive with link uncovering things about his past on his own, etc. i don’t understand the point of it here and i think it takes away from the story lol. especially with the dragons tears where they like try to foreshadow and they try to show u characters and a storyline but succeed in actually letting us know the characters hardly at all and all foreshadowing fails because you can get them in any order which also brings me to the end cutscene of minerus temple which for some reason is just 70% recapping what the dragons tears said? then the temples didnt feel very rewarding to finish just because you didnt learn anything new unlike the divine beasts you just got nearly identical scenes for all the dead sages changed only by speech patterns and approximately 3 lines from the new sage. id rather just have a scene with the new sage then the sameee cutscene with zelda every time. and i truly believe the scene after the last geoglyph dragons tear wouldve been way more impactful for me if id gotten the last few in order. i felt a drive to advance the plot for about three days and then nothing. because there is SO LITTLE plot it feels like. you get these fragments here and there and while ive been loving to explore this changed hyrule its like. i was so excited for new plot especially bringing back ganon back into the mix after so long and all we got were crumbs. come on now.

SECOND speaking of plot what was with all that emphasis on the sky islands in trailers when its the DEPTHS that r so much bigger. and there is like NOTHING about them in the plot of the games — they’re just an extension of the sky islands and overworld, really, in everything but aesthetic appearance, and they’re never relevant in the story despite how huge it should seem that there is clear evidence of zonai civilization there which is for some reason identical to whats in the sky? everyones like omg look in the sky and only josha cares about the underground in a sidequest that means very little.

THREE everyones already said something about the disappearance of guardian tech and its already been countered with a “well they must have dismantled it all to avoid it being used against them again” and thats all well and good but the complete lack of mention despite working closely with the sheikah tech researchers is INSANEE whered the massive divine beasts go?! its like the events of botw never happened no one talks about it ingame!!!!! no ones ever like well ever since we cleared all those broken down guardians from the field by fort hateno, or we’ve been using the old tech to learn from to create this new slate that is nearly identical in function to ur old one but we’re gonna for some reason always act like this camera or sheikah sensor r totally new and exciting. ???

[tschulijulesjulie]

TW: SA/ rape

a way too long (sorry) analysis of the SA scene in Captive Prince, or my thoughts on aforementioned quote

so people keep criticising how Laurent SA'd Damen and then later they become lovers and that is obviously a valid concern.

tbh ive been struggling to explain this scene for quite some time. the lashing scene is explainable (which is not the same as excusable!) once you know Laurent knew of Damens real identity - hes trying to get his revenge in that scene.

so what is the SA scene about? is he still trying to get revenge? was the lashing his punishment for killing Auguste and the SA now is to punish Damen for the SA Laurent had endured from the regent?

i think in a way it is, metaphorically - BUT it also isn't because Laurent actually doesn't want it to happen (which i will explainin a second but it makes such a difference!).

the lashing was clearly planned and orchistrated by Laurent (i already talked about the bath scene in more detail) - the SA isn't.

he takes Damen to the garden to make an impression on Herode and also so he learns about the Akielon slaves (if i remember correctly).

he gets surprised by Vannes, Berenger and Ancel turning up. until then, there no problem.

So Vannes would like to see Damen perform. she is imo the only one out of the people present who actually wants that. im not entirely sure but i do think she kind of doesn't understand the concept of slavery. Veretians dont have slaves and relationships - or rather contracts - with pets are mostly consensual (i say mostly because yk Nicaise and so on)

so then there is Berenger, who... well, i feel like he kinda doesn't want to be there at all and is totally uninterested in Damen and the entire proceedings of this situation lmao (maybe even a little displeased or alienated but he doesn't show it and thats whats important here!!!)

and then there is Ancel, who is a very ambitious pet as we learn in his short story. and as such he obviously trys for the princes attention (why wouldn't he? and i mean - it works in a way, doesn't it?) and the only way he knows how to get attention like that is to sell himself sexually - like he even only got to the palace because he was daring and cunning in the ring and made an impression on the most influential person present. hes just trying to do that again.

and last but not least theres Laurent. (well theres actually also Erasmus present and obviously Damen, but thats not important rn because neither of them has a say in this situation, again thats an entirely different problem but we know Laurents standing on slavery)

so what Laurent is currently dealing with is his lack of alliances. his uncle has the support of most of the court and Laurent is desperately trying to get some people (back) on his side. we see (or not see) him trying to "recruit" Herode just moments before.

i feel like after the lashing for now hes done with Damen. like, yeah he still has to deal with that guy one way or another, but he has already gotten some hatered out of the way through the lashing and now he can concentrate on more important things (yes, Damen, youre not that important at all rn)

but now Vannes expresses explicitly her desire to see Damen "perform" and Ancel is insisting so he must also desire to perform with Damen and if he does, so must Berenger - thats the way Laurent must see it at least.

and we know that Laurent has (understandibly) not the best understanding of sexual matters. i feel like he would see sex as some type of transactional good (in a way it might actually be in the Veretian court tbf)

so he contemplates. he has no desire to make Damen perform, despite the things he said at the ring (i feel like his need to punish/hurt Damen might have significantly decreased now that he has already done that with the lashing) - you could even read his reluctance as resentment of the idea tbh: he might be uncomfortable with sexuality in general as an result of his trauma but its also clear how much he openly dislikes sexual acts that are even slightly dubious consent (e.g. the ring, you can clearly see his dislike of the entire thing once you know what youre looking for)

but his main goal rn is to get more alliances and strengthen the ones he already has. and here are three people that are one of the few ones he has rn or that he wants to have (like Ancel) and they all seemingly want Ancel do perform with Damen.

So Laurent buries his displeasure about the whole thing and does what he thinks will have the best outcome for him - he literally only wants to please these three people (not to mention out of whom only one actually does want the actual "performance")

going even further - yes, im not done yet - he "whores himself out", too, through Damen because thats actually one of the very few ways he knows how to get people to be on someones side.

the thing is: he will be the one actually performing during the scene. Damen literally doesn't do anything the entire time (fair). Ancel might be the one actually giving the bj but its with Laurents instructions (if i remember the short story correctly hes very annoyed about that lmao). its even Laurent who only gets Damen hard and its Laurent Damen is looking at when he cums. Ancel is the instrument through which Laurent performs.

so does that make it any less of SA? no obviously not - it even raises the question where does it end?

Ancel initialtes it, but he doesn't actually want to suck Damen off, its just the only way to get the princes attention in his experience. hes a pet with limited power and limited ways to make the best of a situation. and even tho technically consensual, the entire pet thing is still super weird and sketchy (thats an entirely other topic tho).

Laurent allows it and "helps" with his instructions and is objectively the most powerful person out of them all. but at the same time he is actually just as powerless or even less powerful than Ancel. in a way hes just a pet in that situation too.

the people that actually do hold the power in this scene are Vannes and Berenger and i dont think they know it at all.

so, whos actually to blame? whos assaulting and whos assaulted?

but to cut this very long story short, what im trying to say is, that saying Laurent SA'd Damen is not really accurate and making it extra easy when the entire thing is decidedly not.

[sentientgopro]

Alright, later today will be the one week mark since cracking, and its wild how much has changed and how much has stayed the same. Sure, I still can't actually transition for quite a long time, but just the realisations and understanding this has brought me has been life changing. To focus less on the trans part for a second, Its fucking shocking how much having something to look forward to has affected me. I never noticed how bad shit was before until its gotten better. To see the extent to which a lack of positive reasons to Carry On actually affected me on a day to day basis. But I don't wanna dwell on that, Im getting shit done and am catching up with where I should be academically. Reaching Uni keeps looking easier and easier. And yes, I still have times where I feel how I felt before. i make a small mistake, get berated for it, and wonder why I fuckin bother Carrying On. But even at that time, I know its temporary, I know itll pass, and it does. That wasn't happening before, it just stuck.

As I uncover more about myself, Im noticing more and more dysphoria, beit feelings I didnt notice before or things I did notice and found other explanations for. I know this is gonna get worse, but fuck it, I can actually recover from things now. Ill manage. Things aren't actually changing right now, I cant safely transition yet, but as I said, things also have changed.

So far this has primarily been a wider reflection on the past week but I do have something new to add. Ive noticed that, at times, I have felt like being masc is right, that having a deeper voice is right, etc. And I wondered, is it some kinda fluidity? NB? Its only certain situations, most of the time I do feel fem, so what's up with that?

And then I think about a show I'm watching right now, Gen V, and it all makes sense.

Jordan Li's powers aren't exactly clearly defined, but basically, they switch between a man and woman at will (Its not full shapeshifting, the power is binary), as well as having other general superpowers depending on which they are, making for some cool fight scenes. But outside of the fight scenes, the way the show explores which they choose is interesting (and the show DOES explicitly state what Im about to say.)

Its made clear that Jordan is more comfortable as a girl, which their parents hate. Theres a decent chunk of one episode clearly about "HES our little boy, what happened to HIM" while Jordan, originally a guy in this scene, switches infront of their parents to be more comfortable.

So why, outside of combat, do they choose to be masc?

They do it when they try to make a point. Appear authoratative and/or respectable. When interacting with people who they don't think would like them as a girl (e.g their girlfriend, Marie the protagonist, who isn't explicity bi, atleast not yet, and Jordan says they would rather be comfortable as a girl with Marie but they don't know if shes okay with it.)

And I can't help but think that makes TOTAL sense. I feel more masc at work when I want to appear strong, capable, and, dare I say it, "cool". When I'm talking to people I wish respected me more. When I'm with friends, people I know are allies and some queer, I feel more fem. I don't think I'm fluid, I think this I feel the same kinda way as Jordan.

The key takeaway from this for me is that genuinely, representation, especially in the most random places, is so good. Its interesting watching it with my parents because its a world where superpowers are very real, and this person CAN switch at will on every level. And they have to drop the "not a real man/woman" argument and struggle to find a different reason to hate what they see. The representation characters like Jordan provide says "Okay, if we play by your rules and portray what a """real man/ woman""" looks like, this is the REAL situations queer people face and the way they are treated. And you still agree with the people treating them that way. Your problem is NOT how much they are actually like their chosen gender." And its good being in something unexpected. My parents would not watch your standard kinda "queer media", yknow, stuff like heartstopper or whatever (idk, I dont either so idk what Im talking abt.) But putting good, well written rep in a spin off of a show where a dude in a trench coat shoves a bomb up an invisible dudes ass and he says cunt alot exposes them to things they would not otherwise be exposed to.

And thats only talking about the minimal effect this rep has on people who disagree with it. Much more important is the exposure for queer people who don't know it yet, or don't know how they feel, and it provides understanding, something to look at and say "thats me". Honestly, Im gettin a little tired of writing this rn, anything I could say about that aspect of representation has been said a million times already, So Ill leave it there.

So, to conclude, with the absolute hardest line ever said in a show, from Jordan Li:

"Tag team cocksplosion."

Okay maybe not the best choice.