#i fear this may be a controversial take so please don’t come for me guys lol

[skygirlstars]

every time someone says “Anakin wouldn’t have turned to the dark side if Ahsoka hadn’t left the Order” an angel loses its wings

[ashs-pastas]

Hello! I didn't see any posts of hc on ur page so I suppose I'm the first request! It'll probs be a long one bc, Yandere AU and they're NSFW and SFW. So just... don't yell at me.

These are all Yandere AU versions so... they're all Yanderes.

- Jeff, Candypop, Masky and Hoodie NSFW alphabet and maybe 1 or 2 SFW hc?

- Jason the Toymaker | Random NSFW and SFW headcanons!!!1!!1!

Take your time of course, darling! And if you ever want more requests, just DM me if you'd like!

Yandere Jeff the Killer, Candy Pop, Hoodie & Masky nsfw alphabet [A-E] With some sfw headcannons

[someone laugh at the first pic with me pls]

I would never yell at you :’-) I have always wanted to try writing these!! I did a few because when I make a post too long my tumblr glitches grrr. Also I don’t know much about Jason the Toy maker so I will read up on him tonigjt and do those tomorrow :-) also please feel free to send more!!! also does Candy Pop have a canon name?? I’ve tried to find it but i might be dumb

Jeff the Killer nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare -

Jeff is not the best with aftercare… his first response isn’t to get up and clean up or anything but he loves to hold you tight afterwards. He will absolutely not let you get up for whatever reason. He likes pillow talk in a way. He doesn’t really talk much but he likes to hear you talk about whatever comes to mind. You could be talking about anything and he will just nod along and listen attentively

B is for Body part

His favorite body part on himself would be his smile of course. He also loves his arms. He’s pretty proud of the muscle that he has and loves to flex for you. He thinks he’s an absolute beauty and loves everything about himself though.

His favorite body part on his s/o is most likely their hair. It doesn’t matter whether it’s short or long, curly or straight, dyed or natural. He loves all the ways you style it and loves to play with it. It’s also something that he loves to grab on and pull on during sex. He has a thing for pulling on your hair and forcing you to look him in the eyes.

B is for Bondage

I actually don’t think Jeff is a big fan of tying you down because I think he would rather pin you down himself. He likes to show you how much stronger he is then you. He likes the fear in your eyes when you realize you can’t fight him off. The only bondage I can see him being into is gagging you if you are whining too much. He also ties you down when he leaves because he wouldn’t want his darling escaping

C is for Cum

Jeff is a nasty nasty man and he loves to cum pretty much all over you. He especially loves to cum on your face or chest. Seeing you covered in his seed makes his possessive side so happy.

D is for Dick size

Jeff is probably a good 5 and a half inches but THICK. He absolutely knows how to use it too.

D is for Dom

This may be controversial but I have seen a lot of sub Jeff headcannons and I can not picture that. Jeff is a mean dom 24/7. He is very selfish with his pleasure and he loves to be in control of your pain and pleasure. He is very demanding and expects you to submit to him at all times.

E is for Experience

I can see Jeff having had a few flings but they meant nothing to him and it was just when he was very horny and looking to get his dick sucked. With how selfish he has been with his own pleasure I think you would have to gently teach him how to please you. He would be very cocky and pretend he is a sex god though but he would actually take your advice. ( he would never say that aloud but he wants to be able to make your legs shake and have you screaming his name)

sfw headcannons

- Jeff is the type of guy to talk to you after you fall asleep. Usually quietly muttering about how he “fucking loves you” and he would “kill anyone for you”

- Jeff is not the sweetest guy but if he ever see’s that you haven’t ate much then he will get you your favorite foods and snacks even if he doesn’t like them

- He loves when you brush his hair. It’s often tangled and messy and he loves when you do it for him

Candy Pop nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare

Candy Pop is actually decent at aftercare. He would clean you up afterwards, often lingering on spots you are especially sore and cuddle up to you. Sex with Candy Pop is often tiring with how many rounds he likes to go so you would usually drift off to sleep in his arms.

B is for Body part

Candy Pop has a hard time picking a favorite body part on himself because he loves himself but he would say his hair. He loves how long and soft it is and he would encourage you to pull on it during sex or if he was going down on you.

Candy Pop’s favorite body part on you would be your chest. It doesn’t matter what gender you are or the size but he will constantly be groping and leaving marks all over your chest. He likes to gift you outfits that show off your chest so he has more reason to stare and touch you.

B is for Bondage

Candy Pop’s is into everything and bondage is one of his favorites. He loves tying down his sweet darling so they are unable to move and touching them all over and overstimulating them as much as possible. He would also love to be on the receiving end and be tied down by his darling as long as he could trust them not to pull any tricks on him.

C is for Cum

Candy Pop loves to cum everywhere he can. His favorite places to cum would be deep inside of you or in your mouth, and he expects you to swallow all of it because, “Good babies are grateful for treats.” Make sure you don’t waste a drop. He also loves when you cum inside of his mouth and on his face. He will happily lick up all of your sweet juices. He is addicted to your taste and will want to make you cum again so he can taste more of you.

D is for Dick size

Candy Pop is very long at 7 inches. He’s not the thickest but so long that he hits all of your sweet spots that have you seeing stars easily.

D is for Dom

Candy Pop is a major switch. He can easily go from being a bratty sub and mouthing off to a pleasure dom wanting to do their best to have you cumming over and over. Either way they will always be focused on pleasing you first.

E is for Experience

Candy Pop is very experienced and loves to show it off. He knows all the tricks and will abuse it to the max. He is very observant and will know exactly what you like and don’t like. He is also very good at guessing what kinks people have so don’t expect to be able to hide anything from him. Nothing is too wild for him, he just wants to try your favorite things out with you!

sfw headcannons

- Candypop loves to have spa nights with you. He is always willing to do all the work for you. He’ll put products in your hair and do face masks with you. ( kind of weird but if you like to shave, he will always offer to do it for you. and he will be very gentle )

- He loves to give you massages!! Very good at them too he might be a secret masseuse because he always finds where you’re sore and rubs the knots out

- If you like to do makeup he will BEG you to do his. It doesn’t matter if you are a pro or not very skilled, he will love the look no matter what

- He also strikes me as the type to really like wearing matching outfits (not completely but color coordinated and such)

Hoodie nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare

Brian is a great guy when it comes to aftercare. He will get you whatever you ask for. If you don’t want to move he will gently clean you up with a towel. If you want a bath he will run you one with lots of bubbles. He will inspect your body and apologize and kiss any marks he left behind.

B is for Body part

Brian isn’t the most confident but he likes his hands. He thinks they are very strong and he knows he can use them in multiple ways ;)

Brian’s favorite body part on you would be your lips. He’s always starring at them and thinking about how soft and plump they are. He absolutely loves kissing you and he likes when they are red and swollen after a makeout sesh.

B is for Bondage

I can see Brian being averagely interested in bondage but he likes to tie you down with softer materials like silk. But if you’ve been bad then he can always handcuff you. He does sometimes like to use your belt around your neck as a makeshift leash/collar, He loves tugging on it while he’s fucking you from behind.

C is for Cum

He can be a bit more shy and likes to pull out and cum on your stomach or back. He will not vocalize it but he would lose his mind if when he cums in your mouth you would swallow and open your mouth and stick your tongue out to show him that you swallowed all of his seed. He would instantly be hard again.

D is for Dick size

I think Brian is just short of 6 inches and pretty insecure about it. He’s very girthy though and fills you up perfectly.

D is for Dom

I can see Brian being a switch but like 90% dom and 10% sub. But I think if he was subbing and you teased him too much or were going too slow for his liking he would take back control by flipping you over and reminding you why he’s in charge.

E is for Experience

This is a hard one tbh. He’s probably had a few sexual encounters but nothing that went past second base. He would be very nervous your first few times but would quickly learn what you like.

sfw headcannons

- From the moment you started dating he will secretly be planning your wedding

- Also keeps notes of random things you like and don’t like

- The type to kiss any “ouchies” you might have got (i’m cringing at my own word choice but for some reason I can see him using it)

- He brings you flowers at LEAST once a week and they are always your favorite

Masky nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare

Also decent at aftercare. Will help clean you up and make you drink water. Also feels bad if he sees how rough he was and you are walking funny. He will carry you around.

B is for Body part

He loves his hair and is pretty happy with soft and fluffy it can get. He takes good care of it and can get annoyed if he’s having a bad hair day. If you compliment it or play with his hair, his ego will grow.

He loves your neck/throat. He just loves how soft and sensitive you can be when he kisses it or leaves marks. Your neck is always covered in love bites and he knows exactly where your sweet spot is.

B is for Bondage

Tim is a very big bondage fan. He likes a lot of the complex knots and such. As punishment he likes to tie you up in strange way that often leave you sore and bruised. I don’t know if this counts as bondage but he would love to get a sex swing, he thinks both you and him would enjoy it very much ;) He is not ALWAYS intentionally rough but he does feel a bit smug when he sees the rope burn marks the night after.

C is for Cum

Another nasty man. Will cum wherever he pleases. He likes to cum on your chest and face a lot. He likes the look of surprise when he pulls out of mouth and shoots his load all over your face. He likes to cum inside of you, only to make you walk around without panties so he can see his cum dripping down your legs.

D is for Dick size

A little under 6 inches but will brag about his massive cock constantly. Unfortunately you can not deny it because he is pretty big. Not the thickest but also not thin either.

D is for Dom

Tim is 100% a dom. You could not make this man sub if you tried. He would laugh in your face and edge you. I can see him having a lot of control issues and having an obedient little darling would make him very happy. Although if you were to ever act out… he would make sure there would not be a second time.

E is for Experience

Averagely experienced but never really played around kinks and fetishes until he met you. Unlike Jeff I think he would be very cocky but has the qualifications to back it up.

sfw headcannons

- He likes to participate in your favorite hobbies/activities with you. He might complain a little but he can’t hide his smile at seeing you happy and in your element

- Tim cannot cook but he will “help” when you are cooking. By doing the easy things such as chopping and preheating the oven lol

- The type to bring you stuffed animals. He will leave them in your room for you to find and deny it was him but you obviously know it was him

[kaylorstree]

Complete Midnights Gaylor Lyric Analysis

Okay so there’s a lot to unpack and I haven’t done an in-depth analysis in a really long time so please forgive me!

To the best of my ability I’m going to analyse the lyrics of every song, and then another day I’ll analyse the 2 music videos. Please be patient with me ❤️

1. Lavender Haze:

I think this is really self-explanatory. As we all know a ‘lavender marriage’ is a bearding agreement between two people. Within this song Taylor talks about the comfort of a lavender relationship, as it gives her freedom to live her life without scrutiny. However, in a heteronormative society people ‘only see a one night or a bride’- essentially to be married, or date around and be endlessly slut shamed for it. They want her to marry Joe, which is the ‘1950s shit they want from me’ which I assume she doesn’t want to do if she doesn’t have to. ‘They’re looking at my history’ AKA they’re comparing this relationship to her others, how long they dated for and if there was a ‘proposal’ e.g. Calvin and Tom being her two most serious ‘relationships’

2. Maroon

I think hetlors have quickly come to conclusion this is about Tom Hiddleston very quickly, which is funny because this is very clearly about Karlie.

‘Like you were my closest friend’

‘Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw-top rosé’ Karlie was her roomate

‘The one I was dancing with in New York, no shoes’ I don’t even need to explain this

‘The lips I used to call home, so scarlet it was maroon’

‘The mark they saw on my collarbone’

‘That’s a real fucking legacy’

3. Anti-Hero

There’s nothing particularly gaylor about Anti-Hero, it’s more of a complex deep dive into Taylor’s worst fears and trying to take accountability to some of the things she’s done.

4. Snow On The Beach

So many parallels to ‘you two are dancing in a snow-globe round and round’

‘My smile looks like I won contest, and to hide that would be so dishonest’

5. You’re On Your Own Kid

‘Summer went away’

‘It’s okay we’re the best of friends’

‘So long Daisy May’ I mean c’mon 🌼

6. Midnight Rain

Again, the hetlors seem to be pretty convinced this is about Tom Hiddleston for some reason.

‘He was sunshine’ Karlie’s nickname of course

My interpretation of this was how much a toll bearding takes on a relationship and your own mental health.

7. Question…?

I would very easily categorise this as a kissgate song. The song uses she/her pronouns throughout.

‘Good girl, sad boy’ Karlie represents Good Girl fragrance

‘Have you ever had someone kiss you in a crowded room?’

‘Did you leave her house in the middle of the night?’

‘She was on your mind with some dickhead guy who you saw that night’ Josh Kushner obviously

‘Did you ever wish you could still touch her?’

8. Vigilante Shit

Nothing particularly gay, I think this is a song about Scooter Braun/Kimye. Maybe you could interpret it as revenge on Josh Kushner for ‘stealing’ Karlie?’

‘Draw the cat-eyes sharp enough to kill a man’ who does we know that always has cat-like eyeliner? 🤔

9. Bejewelled

Firstly, the music video is gay as the cows come home.

Having Dita Von Tese in the video!!!!

The building she enters in the video remarkably looks like the one in the Good Girl fragrance advert.

Is it the Empire State building? Idk I’m British haha

10. Labyrinth

I think this song is sonically very inspired by Imogen Heap. It seems to be very much inspired by anxiety and longing. It’s about being scared to fall in love.

11. Karma

This song is EXTREMELY queer coded.

‘Karma is a cat sitting in my lap because it loves me’ is a euphemism for pussy, obviously.

12. Sweet Nothing

A controversial opinion from me, but the way this song sounds like a nursery rhyme and the lyric ‘The pebble that we picked up last July’ I honestly think Taylor considers Levi to be her son. More proof to support this is in the Anti-Hero music video where Taylor hypothesises she’ll have two sons, which is oddly specific. I think having a Kushner baby to monopolise on that money, power and influence is a great way to ‘get the castle’ in the end. Just a theory, don’t drag me for it. ‘Dancing in your Levi’s’ is a very specific lyric in Cardigan.

13. Mastermind

This perhaps the most gaylor song on the album. It outlines about everything was carefully crafted.

‘And the touch of the hand lit a fuse’

‘All the wisest women had to do it this way’

‘What if I told you none of it wasn’t accidental and the first time you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me.’ As we all know, Taylor and Karlie actually met before the Victoria’s Secret Show, at a different event. ‘I layed the ground work’ Perhaps it was always her plan to get Karlie.

14. The Great War

This is definitely about 2016. As we know politics, kimye, Karlie, Scooter Braun- it was a very dark time for Taylor.

‘Maybe it was her’ the gayest lyric ever.

15. Bigger Than The Whole Sky

This is clearly about regretting lost love, it could be about anyone- Emily, Dianna, Karlie? I don’t know.

16. Paris

This is the definition of loving in secret. It talks about staying in a hotel or in the house, but playing make believe you could be anywhere- even Paris.

Paris is a song by The 1975 also.

17. High Infidelity

Firstly, I think it’s important to mention that Zoë Kravitz was on a show called ‘High Fidelity’ which was on Disney+ where she played a queer character. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m planning to so will look for Easter Eggs 🐣🥚

I feel like this possibly could be from Karlie’s POV ‘Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle’ is pretty on the nose. ‘You said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count’ could refer to the fact they lived together.

18. Glitch

This is about drugs. Or, it could it be about being bearding because of ‘it must be counter-fit’ ‘Someone else’s playground’ ‘2,190 days of our love blackout’ Weren’t we talking about Love Lockdown a while back? Karlie was in Paris at that bridge?

Lyrical parallels to ‘every bait and switch was a work of art’

19. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

I’d like to take a moment to appreciate what a tune this is.

I honestly feel like this is about John Mayer.

This reminds me of a certain abusive relationship I was in, and it really hits home. 😢

Really feels like a particular relationship of a man being emotionally abusive to a younger girl.

20. Dear Reader

This is about Scooter Braun, and Taylor imparting wisdom.

That’s it! Let me know if I should dissect the music videos too! 🌼💎🕰

This is best I can do at the moment! Haven’t had much time to listen to the whole album more closely, but when I do I might add more to this ❤️🦋

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Echoes of the Past" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

What probably gets debated the most in the fandom is the legitimacy behind King being the King of Demons. Some believe that there's truth to his statement, while others, like me, like to think that he was just some stray Eda picked up off the streets. Either option seemed likely, especially since Season One never gave an answer that leaned one way or the other.

Then here comes the writers finally answering the question of who King is in episode THREE of Season Two! Because, again, they don't waste time on giving fans exactly what they want.

Fans wanted answers behind King, we got 'em, and analyzing what those answers mean requires going deep into spoilers. So if you haven't checked the episode out yet, I highly recommend that you do. Trust me, it's worth seeing.

Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Luz Experimenting with Spells: Hey, look! More proof that Luz isn't an idiot like some people flanderize her to be!

But, seriously though, this is a perfect little thread to introduce into the story. Luz collecting knowledge from Lilith's old books and past work she and Eda made adds to Luz's intelligence while also providing a believable explanation for how she gets new spells. It's also nice to see that she has this little notebook (or spellbook) to help see what works and what doesn't. It's a level of experimentation that proves her dedication to becoming a witch while also exemplifying how she isn't stupid. Occasionally reckless, sure, but you can't say that the person who figured out an invisibility spell through showing her work is also an idiot.

Francios with a Knife: How did Francois get a knife? I don't know. But the fact that a random knife plopped out behind him with little to no explanation is funny, and I will not hear otherwise.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

Luz’s Invisibility Spell: I breezed past this, but I honestly love this invisibility spell. More specifically, I love that there's a limiter. It can turn you, objects, and people you're in contact with invisible, but only as long as you can hold your breath. It helps make the spell something the characters can't always rely on, which is appreciated. Because if it works as long as they concentrate, what's stopping them from sneaking into Belos' castle and assassinating him in his sleep? It's a smart way of explaining why they can't always rely on something, despite how insanely useful it is.

Luz: Let's gush about Luz some more, shall we!

"Echoes of the Past" is another episode that has Luz on top form. She is constantly supportive of King, even if Lilith has a point in the dangers of indulging his fantasy as a powerful tyrant. Doing so would cause more harm than good, especially when King finds out Luz doesn't believe him, but her going along with it was all done with the best of intentions. Luz doesn't want to hurt her friend, and even if she did in the long run, she still makes up for it by helping King learn more about his past.

And, as another reminder, Luz isn't stupid. She's the first to say they should leave when it's clear how dangerous the castle is and is quick to figure out there should be more at the top. Luz is a loyal and caring friend who's also guarded and intuitive when the situation calls for it. This episode understood that, so here's hoping other fans will too.

Lilith: Yeah, she's still growing on me.

I feel like this episode shows a better idea of Lilith's place in the group more than the past two. She's a person who's obsessed with knowledge and learning but considers herself above the jovial nature of King, Luz, and definitely Eda. Therefore, she acts as the perfect catalyst for what jumpstarts this week's adventure. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she almost instantly dismisses King's claims due to considering herself more knowledgeable than everyone else. Still, I like how she's willing to believe King once she finally sees evidence that seemingly proves he really was the King of Demons, to the point of referring to him as "her lord." Hooty does the same thing, but it comes across as him fearing for his own life and choosing to be friends with someone who could maybe kill him in an instant. For Lilith, her newfound respect comes from the desire to learn more, and it's that desire that makes Lilith an enjoyable character to me. It's adorable to see, and it has some comedic flavor in moments like when she dismisses everyone else and their emotional revelations to take pictures of the carvings around her. I'm sure she'll cause some controversy like other characters with rushed reformations, but for me, I'm more than ok with her addition to the main cast.

More of Lilith’s and Hooty’s Friendship: HOW DOES THIS WORK!?

ON PAPER, IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA, BUT IT F**KING WORKS!

HOW?!

WHAT BLACK MAGIC DID THESE WRITERS USE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP SO UNEXPECTED COME ACROSS AS SO ENDEARING AND ADORABLE?!

And where can I get some for my stories...just asking.

But seriously: HOW?!

Hooty Making Himself Portable: Ah, yes. The classic bit where a character does something horrifically grotesque off-screen, and we have nothing but character reactions and sound effects to imagine what happened between shot A and shot B. It's an oldie, but given how hard I was laughing (mostly because of Luz's gagging), it's still a goodie.

Eda’s Portable Bathtub Boat Thing: I mean...I was expecting Eda would use something to catch up with the others, but...that thing...well...I mean, I'm still laughing just by thinking about it. That should tell you how well executed this joke was.

John Luke: ...I'm gonna go ahead and add him to the list because HOLY S**T was this guy disturbing! From his design to his movements to even the sounds he makes when moving, everything about John Luke screams as something that will stay in kids' nightmares for a while. Now, this might seem like a complaint, but to be honest, I'm more than alright with how creepy John Luke is. I highly doubt adult viewers will consider John Luke scary, but I guarantee he'll terrify some of the youngins that this series is aimed for. And that's fine. It's good to creep kids out a little bit with something somewhat scary, as it might introduce them to more good horror stories later in life.

Plus, the reveal that John Luke was only a guard for King is pretty solid narratively speaking. You can see how John never really meant to hurt King aside from one accident when Eda escaped with him. If you want to read into it, I guess it might be questionable to tell kids that something that looks dangerous is secretly nice, but that's really nitpicky, in my opinion. John Luke was a fantastic threat that is designed and animated well, with a solidly executed twist. Some might hate what he presents, most will fear him, but we can all agree on one thing: His theme is awesome (can I get the track for that, please)!

King’s Backstory: Finally, at long last, we know who King is, thus putting an end to a year-long debate. And I fully mean it when I say that the writers gave the best possible answer. Because in a way, everyone was right. Yes, King was just an animal that Eda decided to adopt, like the nature-loving hippie she is inside (She's got the hair for it). However, while he may not be the King of Demons himself, he is still the son of someone who deserves that title. So while he isn't the King, there's a chance he might be the Prince. Once again, there's no direct answer, but given how the writers came up with something that pleases everyone while still providing more questions for debate, it acts as a brilliant move, in my opinion. So whatever answer we get next, I'm sure it will be just as perfect.

Baby King:

My heart was not prepared for that level of cuteness!

King’s Breakdown: NOR WAS IT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF SADNESS!

But in all seriousness, a HUGE round of applause to Alex Hirsch for his performance in this episode. He expertly captured the raw emotions of shock, anger, betrayal, and sadness that King must have felt when finding out that everything he believed he was is a lie. It's one of those moments where I don't hear a person voicing lines in a booth (or wherever the hell VAs are voicing characters nowadays), but instead hear a living person being emotionally torn apart. It was heartbreaking seeing King so vulnerable as he's so guarded with his emotions. Seeing him like this adds so much more layers to a character that many would mistake him as a cute, comedic animal sidekick. But just like with Luz, there's more to him than people will tell you.

“I don’t even know what’s real or fake anymore!”: I'm just pointing out this line because I believe it's what convinces Luz to help King learn more about who he is. Hell, not knowing what's real or fake is the main reason why Luz got sent away in the first place, so I feel like she can relate to King when he's in a similar predicament.

Hooty and Lilith vs John Luke: This was just a cool scene with some epic moments of dodging John Luke's attacks and some funny ones, like how Hooty said the word "pain." It's a ten out of ten that I would rewind to watch again.

King’s Other Horn: I'd question the logistics of how a horn that got broken off when he was a baby still manages to fit perfectly in the present...but it is neat symbolism of King accepting his past and letting it be a part of him, so who cares?

(The fact that the colors of the broken-off piece don't match the rest of the horn is nice attention to detail as well.)

WHAT I DISLIKED

It's a Little Too Predictable: I pretty much figured almost every little twist the episode offers. But, I'm willing to say that's because I'm in my twenties, and I've seen enough stories similar to this one, so I'm more likely to know what will happen. The little monsters watching this will see it for the first time, so they'll most likely get more surprised than me...And that was my only complaint about the episode...which is more of a personal problem than an actual issue...I guess that means it's perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Echoes of the Past" is an easy A+ in my book. It gives lore and backstory that furtherly develops the characters that episodes like this should. It also tells a tragic story about King that still sprinkles in a few good jokes every now and again to lighten up the mood. Sure, there are some nitpicks I could mention (how did King remember his own birth?). But when the good stuff is done so well, what's the point of dwelling on small, insignificant issues? This is still a phenomenal episode that flew past all expectations I had for it, and it continues the winning steak this season is having so far.

(But that's still three home runs in a row. Meaning that a stinker is coming. Ooiee, is it coming!)

[luffyrose]

Welp.

We’re here again.

How are y’all?

Good?

Good.

Me?

Oh, I just had a ninth au idea because of a Hadestown song qwq

Alright, here comes the gist and info dump so I can look back and organize this later.

Gods Au!

I actually haven’t seen any of these yet surprisingly but I may just be unlucky lol.

Either way, my take on this concept if you know any others uvu

Techno is obviously referred to as the Blood God but he isn’t an actual God of Blood, he is the God of the Hunt and Fields. He is incredibly good with weapons and has a special power over animals as well as being able to heal and plague humans either directly or through their crops and meats.

He is not the god of harvest though so his powers over the crops can be overthrown if the god of the harvest so chooses. I don’t know who this god is yet.

I bet y’all thought that Techno would be the god of war or something but nope! Heheheh

Oh wait! Tubbo gonna be the God of Harvest. He has a stronger version of Techno’s powers over crops but not over humans directly as he is still a younger god. He also has some power of bugs which is stronger the more closely related to plants the bugs are. So basically, bees are easily his friends and listen to him while spiders would be an equivalent to a cat. They listen in the end, but they’re little assholes half the time.

Philza is the God of Vitality and Plague. He is one of the oldest gods and very kind but is not to be trifled with. The other gods know better than to anger him since he is strong enough to curse even them. They won’t die but they can suffer from his curses, being in constant pain or unable to heal wounds with magic

Wilbur is the God of the Sea and generally stay uninvovled with others, enjoying peace and quiet. He does have a temper when messed with so most don’t interact with him but Philza and Techno did, which mmade their little ‘family’ as Philza became protective over the other two gods. Wilbur can control the sea and storms.

Tommy. Now Tommy is a very very special case because I have no fucking clue what I want for him-

Back track, friend gave me big brain moments boiiizzzz

Tommy is a god, but one that was human before. He isn’t any specific God but gained the title God of Tricksters due to his ability to escape death and the fact that both humans and gods rejected him. He didn’t hate them though, he used their hate as motivation. He has quiet a few powers, all of which’s base level is lower than the true gods. He can control storms to an extent, his actions cannot be prophesied, and is generally stronger than normal even in his human body.

Tommy can shapeshift like the other gods to an extent. He can change to animals with ease but they always have small horns, no matter the animal, never letting him blend in completely. He can’t change his human size. He also cannot change his eyes, skin, or the devil’s tail, horns and wings that appeared when he became a god. He can however change the size of the wings and the length of the tail at will, to which he puts to good use.

Wilbur actually loves the fact that Tommy can control the storms some like he can since neither are the god of weather but have that ability. They bond over it and Wilbur helps him get used to that part of his powers.

Dream is the God of Nations and War. He watches over the humans and their affairs, making sure they don’t attempt to harm the gods as there are ways to weaken and seal them, just not kill them. He is also known as the god of war thanks to watching the humans affairs including the wars.

He would go down and fight with the humans secretly if he ever got too bored so he would get in trouble a lot but became well known. He got to befriend George thanks to traveling to the humans a lot because spirits stayed in crowded areas.

George isn’t a god actually, he is a spirit that Dream has follow him around as a servant. Really they’re good friends but to the more stuck up gods they must appear as otherwise. He has a weaker version of Dream’s abilities and an animal form he can stay in. His animal form is a cat, and he can usually be found on Dream’s shoulders in that form.

Now back to the subject of the stuck up gods. They themselves are not characters. They are just figures that have similar power to Philza and demand or order certain things and most listen out of fear.

There’s no real structure to the god’s and their ranking. Whoever is stronger is feared or respected by the others and that’s it. Along with gods however. There are demons and their are otherworldly creatures too. Hence the next part of this.

Sapnap is a demon but one that was born on the human realm so he was viewed as gifted by the gods. Bad takes him in and helps to raise him before introducing him to the other gods where he becomes friends with Dream and George.

Bad is a God, but a more controversial one that is begrudgingly accepted by others. He is the God of Demons. He gained that position because he was a demon born with the powers of gods. He was gentle though which is why he was begrudgingly accepted instead of sealed away.

To the demons he is known as the Demon King. You would think that he would be overthrown quickly thanks to his calm and kind nature but most demons loved him and those that didn’t were quickly taken out or quieted by the captain of the guard.

Skeppy. He is a manmade demon that is actually quite conniving. Bad and him met fairly early on and became friends so when Bad was declared king and a god, Skeppy declared himself his protector. Even as a protector he still picks on and pranks Bad though.

I have no idea if all of this is making sense to you guys but it is to me XD

UUUHHHHHHHH

My brain is slowly dying rn cuz I got food so I may have to do a part two later with more info.

Please leave me asks on things!!!!! I really want to interact with people and also develop this and other aus more! You can ask something as simple as (using this au as an example) “What’s blah the god of?” to “How did blah and blah meet?” or “What is blah and blah’s relationship?”!! Or even ask questions of how the world works.

I’m desperate at this point for more human interaction qwq

[spectrumed]

7. identity

The aesthetic of suffering, the allure of victimhood, it’s important to acknowledge that to many people, the idea of struggling with mental illness is hot. A common trope in teen dramas is the existence of the sexy bad boy haunted by demons of depression or addiction or some other psychological malady. Women with mental illness tend to be sexualised, less, but then again, women are most typically always sexualised, no matter the state of their mental health. But it’s not just a case of some people finding mental illness to be attractive in others, many see mental illness in themselves as something to take pride in, to celebrate and nurture. To seek out a diagnosis, to infiltrate communities that exist to provide support to those in need, and to declare themselves as being special. Fakers, you could call them. Yes, we’re going to be entering into dangerous grounds here, talking about a potentially incendiary topic that might feed the flames of controversy, but it’s a topic worth discussing. Self-diagnosis. Is self-diagnosis valid or not? Should one self-diagnose? Is it ableism to be against self-diagnosis? Is it ableism to be for self-diagnosis? Is it ableism itself ableist? I don’t know, sweetheart, you are asking a whole bunch of questions and I am hungover… But let’s go on rambling about what it means to be labelled neurodivergent.

Do you have an identity? Do you root for a particular sports team? Do you like a particular kind of music? Do you dance a lot? Are you a dancer? What are you? Simply stating that you’re just “a human” probably won’t do. Sure, it’s correct, but I am also a human, and we could be two very different kinds of people. Your identity should be that certain something that makes you stand apart from the rest, that distinguishes you from the squirming mass of flesh that is the whole of humanity. There are plenty of things about you that do figure in your identity, even though you wish it didn’t. You’re black, you don’t wish to always be “that black guy over there,” but you’ve come to realise that’s just how society views you. Maybe you are a transwoman, and you very eagerly want your friend to stop introducing you as her “trans bestie.” You’re just a woman, you don’t need her to keep labelling you as trans, even though that's what you are. There are many ways we can change our identity through direct personal action. Maybe you could start wearing a hat, and be known as “that hat guy” to the people you work with. Maybe you could embrace a punk aesthetic, looking like young Johnny Rotten stepped into a time machine and got transported to the current day. Actions like these can have a big or small impact on how others see you, but it feels good to be able to make a decision like that and get a response. This is me, this is what I am. I’m the guy who wears bow-ties, don’t I look cool? If only shaping your sense of self always came down to personal decisions like that. You don’t always have a choice.

I’ve lately been watching some Conan O’Brien (American TV talk show host who’s recently decided not to be a TV talk show host) clips. I am sure I don’t need to explain who Conan O’Brien is to my readers, but just in case this is being read by aliens ten-thousand years from now, what I can tell you is that Conan O’Brien is well known for being freakishly tall. Like, really tall. He’s an elongated leprechaun. He’s turned being tall into one of his trademarks. Like many comedians, he’s come to use his corporeal form as a source for levity and fun. While, naturally, the man did not choose to grow as tall as he did, he’s come around to use his height not as a hindrance to success, but rather as an asset. He’s “that tall irish guy on the TV,” and he’s been that person for nearly thirty years. It pays to have some distinguishing feature if you wish to be distinguished. Mr. Joe Average might be perfectly funny and charming, but being an average-looking guy can be wholly detrimental in making a career for yourself as a funnyman. At least get yourself some weird voice, or something. Maybe pretend to be some foreigner and put on a fake accent. As a comedian your job is to be exploited, you wish to be made into a commodity to be sold. People will want to watch your special because of that funny face you pull in the thumbnail. To be different can be financially lucrative.

What’s the best approach in turning something that could be perceived as an abnormal feature into something that is beneficial to you? To make jokes about it? Certainly, if I were to meet a man with a heavily scarred face, I feel there’d likely be a tension between me and him that could be dispelled if that man with the heavily scarred face made some little joke about his appearance, some little quip. “I’m sorry, I cut myself shaving this morning,” would do. The person isn’t obliged to justify his existence to me, he does not have to go out of his way to make me feel less uncomfortable. I am the one in the wrong, certainly. I shouldn’t look at a person with a heavily scarred face and feel uncomfortable, that’s me letting prejudices get in the way, I know that. But, it is what it is. If you’re looking for a practical solution, telling people to simply get over themselves and learn to not be so awkward around folks with physical deformities won’t do. It may be the right thing, but it’s not going to happen any time soon. I am sure that the man with the heavily scarred face isn’t interested in being defined by his heavily scarred face. He's probably sick and tired of that little joke, and wish he didn’t have to make it. But it does the job. Suddenly, you are not looking at something to be feared, the other, you are looking at a person, and someone with a sense of humour. The importance of humour in eradicating stigma, making it possible for the ostracised to enter in society, cannot be understated. Through humour, you can convince most everyone that you are someone worthy of inclusion, because… well, you’re just a funny guy, who doesn’t wanna hang out with you?

For those who have grown up not feeling normal, worrying that there are aspects of your character that others may perceive as unwanted, the yearning to be liked can at times become excruciating. I like to consider myself a funny person, while this blog isn’t intended to be a humorous one, occasionally small little jokes will squirm their way to the top, like worms coming up to the surface during a rainstorm. I am also a cartoonist, and produce a new cartoon every other day. My humour isn’t universal, no good humour ever is universal, but it’s done good in getting some folks to like me. Some people want to be admired, some people want to be feared. I only want to be liked. The one thing I absolutely do not want to be is pitied. I don’t want your pity, I fear your pity.

You’re probably familiar with The Sims, right? It’s a life simulation game, where you control a little digital human, known as a sim, and try to help them make the right decision through life. Each sim has a number of meters that measures their current needs. Hunger, hygiene, energy, if they need to urinate or defecate (though, frankly, the distinction between the two isn’t made in the game, so one can assume that sims are like birds and have just one cloaca that does both,) and so on. One of these meters is for social activities. If a sim hasn’t been social in a while, they go nutty. What’s interesting here, the reason why I bring it up, is that in real life, though we all (to a lesser or greater degree) crave to socialise with others, what kind of socialising you do is of a very big importance. There are a myriad of ways in which one can be social, and depending on your needs at the time, one kind of socialising may not do, whereas another kind of socialising may be just what you need. Do you want to hang out with your pals, cracking jokes and maybe drinking a couple of beers? Do you want to have a serious conversation with your partner about what you wish to accomplish together? Do you want to play with your dog? These different social situations scratch different parts of your mind, and you can’t just substitute one for the other and think that’s all alright. A person may have tonnes of friends, lots of buddies to spend their time with, but they may still desperately be yearning for another kind of social interaction, one that none of their friends can deliver. The human need for company is more complex than how it is depicted in The Sims… which, to be fair, probably shocks nobody. The Sims doesn’t pretend that it’s some highly realistic simulation of real life, it’s a game meant to be played for fun. But what’s important here is the fact that while humans do have a need to be social, how that need is fed changes dramatically on the person, and their conditions. Socialising that may bring comfort to one person, may bring discomfort to another person.

I don’t want you to pity me. I may list my diagnoses, I may tell you of the difficulties that I face in life, but I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to be entertained reading this, I don’t want to make you weep thinking about how cruel life can be. I don’t want you thinking I’m special, or different, because of my diagnoses. I want you to think I’m special and different because of my writing. Sure, this blog is about living with autism spectrum disorder, but I don’t want you reading this blog just because it’s about autism spectrum disorder. I want you to read this because, while it is about a diagnosis you are interested in learning more about, you also find what I write to be well-written and at times, mildly humorous. This blog isn’t my rabid manifesto detailing all the ways my life sucks, and what must be done by society to appease me. Nah, I’m doing relatively fine, don’t feel bad for me, please. I don’t want that kind of attention. I do want attention, I won’t lie and tell you that I don’t have an ego, or that I don’t get pleased seeing people like the things I put out there. I do have a social need, it’s just that being pitied does not do it for me. It doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel sad. It really makes me feel mad.

We’re finally getting around to the topic I promised I would discuss. Self-diagnosis. A principal concern people have with self-diagnosis is that people only self-diagnose in order to receive pity from others. The difference between someone like me, who’s got a proper official diagnosis, and someone who is self-diagnosed, is that I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you to fetishise my diagnosis, this thing about me that I did not choose to be. I don’t want special favours just because of my diagnosis, I don’t want to be known as “that cartoonist with autism.” I am autistic, I’ve come to accept that, but I don’t want anyone to introduce me as “their friend who’s on the spectrum.” Some may accuse me of self-loathing, treating being autistic like some bad thing that I am ashamed of. But that’s not it. After all, I did start this blog to discuss what it is like. I just don’t want to be defined by this certain something that lies outside of my control. I don’t want it to be my “thing.” I don’t mind being referred to as a hairy cartoonist, because I am pretty hairy. I don’t want to cut my hair any time soon (especially with this plague going around.) No-one would pity me just because I am hairy. At most they may regard me as a good-for-nothing beatnik, and I’m okay with that. Ideally, I still want to be liked, but anything is better than being pitied. To be pitied is to be robbed of your own agency, your own potential. Sure, it gets you that attention you may be craving, but at the cost of infantilization. Autistic people often struggle with being infantilized by society, to the point where some folks don’t even realise that there are autistic grown-ups in the world. Anyone who would voluntarily seek out a diagnosis just to be pitied, well… it doesn’t sit right with me. It makes me, quite frankly, feel demoralised.

But not all people self-diagnose just to get pity from others, right? For some it’s genuinely their only option, likely living in a barely-functioning country like the United States where receiving psychiatric care is expensive and it’s just not something they can afford. It’s unfair of me to phrase self-diagnosing as just a quest to receive pity, it’s way more complicated than that. And yes, I’d have to agree. To know all the reasons why a person may self-diagnose, you have to go personally ask them. Even if it is possible to highlight a few certain trends, things that they all have in common, it’s bound to be impossible to make this one sweeping generalisation to explain everything. All I am saying is that there absolutely are those people who do self-diagnose with the explicit goal of getting pitied. Whether they are knowingly faking their condition or not, to them, being pigeonholed as a person with autism isn’t at all a negative. It’s their identity. It is how they have chosen to let the world see them. They made a choice. They chose this label. This is why many people who have official diagnoses are sceptical of those who've only got a self-diagnosis. Whether your self-diagnosis is accurate or not, in the end, you chose to identify yourself with it. You made a decision, oblivious of the fact that many people don’t get to make that kind of a decision, and they may bear resentment for how you are turning something they’ve faced ostracization for, into what is potentially on the same level as listening to a certain kind of music, or being a supporter of a sports team. A diagnosis is not something you should choose to have.

There are other things to say about self-diagnosis. First of all, it can be dangerous. Some of the diagnoses I’ve seen people give themselves are really serious, things like personality disorders or psychosis. Psychiatrists are very careful when putting these kinds of labels on people, knowing the harm that it can do. A diagnosis is meant to only be given after careful deliberation, and after long conversations with the patient. Psychiatrists know that reducing a person to a set of symptoms can have detrimental effects to that person’s sense of self. If you’re trying to cling on to a diagnosis, seeing it as a major part of your identity, then that may hamper any attempts you make to become a better person, to improve your mental health. You will feel as if you need to correspond to the exact specifications of the disorder, and you will not allow yourself to grow naturally as a complicated human being, a human being whose internal life is far too vast to be fully rounded up with some psychiatric jargon. There are plenty of things about me that do not line up with the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, and guess what, that’s quite good actually. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have autism, I very much do, but I realise that as a person, I am more than just my diagnosis. The diagnosis does not define me, I define the diagnosis. If you self-diagnose, do you comprehend all that you are getting yourself into? Are you going to find yourself in psychological traps that will only serve to worsen your mental health? It’s hard to look at yourself objectively, you could easily be misrepresenting yourself inside your own mind. You may effectively be locking parts of yourself away, making it so you are no longer able to see the full you. You will no longer be all there, you will be segmented in favour of upholding the defining marks of a diagnosis that doesn’t suit you.

Instead of self-diagnosing, try doing a self-assessment. Keep in mind that, while you may have this diagnosis, it’s too early to say for sure. You’re going to need somebody else’s input. You’ll need to sit with it for a while to see if it sticks. Keep an open mind, realise that there’s no easy way to explain exactly who you are, or what you are like. It’s very possible that you will come to realise that you are in fact autistic, or have whatever other diagnosis you may suspect describes you. I, after all, came to the conclusion that I was autistic before I got the diagnosis (though, I was going to therapy at that point, and I was on the way to undergo a neuropsychiatric evaluation.) It’s not bad to try and get to understand yourself, don’t come out of this thinking that self-reflection is only possible with a psychiatrist looming over you, telling you how to think about things. We all need to come to certain conclusions over how we self-identify, and sometimes you need to take mental leaps to explain certain things. Just don’t feel as if your best option is to put a label on yourself that can potentially negatively affect your psychological well-being. If you are truly searching for understanding, if your goal is to find out more about yourself, you should act with caution and concern for what you are doing. If all you are looking for is to have people pity you, then… well… I don’t know what to say, really…

[sepublic]

Kipo’s Final Season

           Well, it was a journey you guys.

           Inevitably it’s bittersweet, because while it WAS a happy ending… You know. It’s an ending! Phenomenal final season, final trio of seasons, the show really wrapped itself up, but I’m empty that it’s gone now!

           It’s why I held off on watching the final season… My heart wasn’t ready to let go yet. And sure, if the third season were suddenly to get a BUNCH of ratings, we might get those additional motives that Radfor Sechrist hinted at the possibility of! But I’m still sad because the main journey is gone, and the cast, as we’ve gotten to know them, have left!

           Not entirely, but still! I will have to say that Kipo, Benson, Wolf, Mandu, and Troy are ROCKING all of their new looks! I love that Kipo looks more like her dad Lio, too! Speaking of which, I really enjoyed seeing Dave and Lio get along unintentionally… It was AMAZING to see Song return, and I just…

           I’m SAY, you know! I’m sad to see it all go. It really felt a final farewell to all of the cast and world we love… We got to see the return of various characters, including Fun Gus, of all people- Love the way his and Emilia’s arcs sort of tied together! And I love the symbolism of Emilia losing herself, as the idea of her becoming the very thing she swore to destroy… Those are great stories to me, haunting and chilling!

           LOVE how this year has been bringing us Gay Proms! First Grom, then Prahm! Prahm was great… I love Doag, though I feel sorry for her because of that NAME… But good for you Hoag, you’re a father and you let those paternal instincts override any fear, paranoia, and prejudice you may have had! Sure the warning didn’t come through in time, but at least you tried! Good for you…

           Also, I know Asher and Dahlia had a minimal presence, but I ENJOYED every last second of them we got, even as background characters! I loved the way the arc progressed, the stories behind Mutes and Humans getting along… It all felt so organic and natural, you know? And HUGO…!

           I’m not over his death. The worst part was that he DID redeem himself and fully change, so… It wasn’t like one of those Redemption-equals-Death cop outs! Hugo had already gotten his redemption. The crew really just wrote that for the sake of stomping on our hearts, huh? WELL THEY DID… Rest in peace, you funky mandrill! His arc was particularly brilliant and naturally-flowing, I love that final callback to his mess with Aurum… Hugo was just being that moody, temperamental older brother who’s a teen and insists he’s not going through a phase- But he loves his little sister and will humor her!

           I miss him already… And I LOVE his interactions with Wolf, as siblings by proxy of Kipo, but also their shared cynicism and trauma as I speculated about! Hugo making a blanket-cloak for Wolf, to replace the old one she had, which represented her trauma and past… I hadn’t even considered it, but it’s right! The way Hugo and Wolf’s arcs together to take out Emilia, only for Greta of all people to make a final point… It was amazing! Superb, brilliant, it was EXACTLY what I wanted to see and MORE! How we had this powerful and meaningful growth for the two of them as siblings in their own right, without necessarily having to rely on fighting… Just quiet moments!

           And Kipo… I love you Kipo! I was afraid the show might give us an arc of Kipo being ‘cured’ and having to struggle with no longer being part-mute, even if she were to eventually get that back… And they didn’t! They let Kipo be Kipo! I love her nature as a girl of two worlds, and how she brings both worlds together into one seamless creation! And her DNA gives me hope of a vaccine being made…

           I’m still sad over the deaths of Yumyan, Margot, Rupert, Camille, Brad, Billions, etc.! Remember the fallen… I was REALLY wishing the show would have them brought back to their old minds, and while still having them around in spirit sort of helped (as they were basically senile after the ‘cure’)… COME ON, this show has already been so bright and optimistic and hopeful in many other regards! Is it too much to ask that the ‘cure’ gets reverted, that they recover their old minds! It’s really messed up particularly with Margot and Rupert, as they were KIDS… Rupert was just being held hostage, and Margot DID make the effort to change her mind, just like Hoag she didn’t expect Emilia to be ahead of her! Maybe if we get that hypothetical sequel film with Wolf, MAYBE we could have Margot brought back… Or at least go over Wolf’s thoughts of Margot technically betraying her, but to save Rupert, and ultimately doing the right thing- Only to die! I wish we got to discuss that.

           Interesting that they never go about the origins of Mutes, but honestly… Not too important to me? The exact cause wasn’t a big deal to me, what matters is that it happened and now it’s here! Speaking of which, I LOVED the Dave episode… Controversial opinion, I think he’s a great character! I love how the show confirmed he was there as far back as THE beginning, and he was just… VIBING the entire time, over a fan! What DID happen to the fan, I wonder? Imagine if it got destroyed- Or even better, if it just ran out of battery! The implication that the fan somehow was able to run for two centuries, but still ran out of energy… Lol.

           THAT episode was a masterpiece of morbid humor, what with the idea of this one loser being THAT caught over a fan, Dave being responsible for skyscraper ridge… And that bit of Daves getting KILLED, but it’s never explained and then just sort of glossed over- It’s arguably amongst the pinnacle of morbid humor! The kind that just happens, and because it’s left unexplained it’s just BETTER, more horrifying, whilst funnier… And Benson! Like I said, the background, unspoken, but obvious implication that the Daves and Fanatics (is that what those humans called themselves?) slaughtered each other until one was left. YIKES… But it was still so brilliantly done and conveyed, it really is the epitome of dark humor to me!

           Benson got his kiss! He got his kiss with Troy! And now they’re running a restaurant together, Cappuccino gave them a SIX star review… But please don’t call them potato noodles. They’re fries. I can overlook anything, but NOT that! But now I crave that hypothetical sequel film that Radford Sechrist hinted at… Gimme gimme, please! Mostly I just want closure on those Mutes who got ‘cured’, I know it’s immature, but please bring them back!

           All in all, this was just… BRILLIANT! It was GOOD, and it makes me even sadder because I found myself so happy to see these characters progress, like with Zane, or Greta… Wolf letting go of her cloak, she’s so PRECIOUS I love her so much, and I love how Hugo was like an older brother to her and I miss him already! I love Kipo, I love Benson and Dave’s backstory, I love Troy, Asher, and Dahlia… I want MORE, please! I feel like I’m not yet ready to let go. And maybe I don’t necessarily have to, but still…

           And it’s absolutely wild to me, because this all happened within a year. It’s been a journey, huh? Once it was as simple as getting back to her old home… And while Kipo lost that, she made a new, better one! And I love that, but I’m also going to miss it- Because it feels that just as we got it back, we left! Well, I can always return in my own way, but for now…

           THANK YOU, to everyone who worked on this show! I’m going to miss Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts! It was utterly brilliant, and I’m glad you got to tell the story you wanted! Here’s hoping you get to indulge in the world of Kipo maybe one last, or two, times!

[just-come-baek]

get in, loser 2

Pairing: Taeyong x female!reader

Themes: smut | mafiaboss!taeyong | carthief!reader | streetracer!reader

Word count: 8.3k

Summary: As controversial as it is, it’s Taeyong’s order for me to participate in the most prestigious race of the underground. As one may expect, it is frowned upon by other gang members.

Warnings: disregard for police enforcement | illegal street racing | improper driving | violence | character death | taeyong being the ruthless mafia boss | poor stress management | drinking

A/N !REUPLOAD! sorry I fucked something up. Next parts shall be posted on Tuesdays every two weeks. 

***

Getting up early in the morning isn’t really my thing. I was the most productive during late evenings and nights, and the fact that I had to be ready unusually early fucked up my sleeping schedule. Hopefully, it was the first, and the last time my presence was requested at such an unholy hour. Right after getting introduced to my new workplace, they had to be flexible enough to let me adjust the work schedule to my preference.

Unfortunately, Taeyong didn’t specify how early Lucas wants to see me the next day.  I guessed it was around 7 o’clock in the morning – it was late enough for an early bird, yet early enough for someone who doesn’t really fancy getting up at sunrise.

Having parked my starling Fiat500 in front of the building, I saw a man. He was leaned against the brick wall, smoking a cigarette. It must’ve been Lucas. Who else could’ve been? It was the asscrack of dawn, for crying out loud!

“You’ve gotta be kidding me… that’s your car?” the man asked as he flicked the butt of the cigarette, stepping on it, grinding it against the ground, visibly galled by my cute feminine vehicle.

“It’s inconspicuous,” I commented, trying to make my point. Blending in after hours was one of the most crucial things in this profession, I didn’t want to go on and scream that I steal cars and race for a living.

“You’re late,” Lucas whispered. Under any other circumstances, I would roll my eyes, but right now, I just couldn’t. I was just staring at him, slowly checking him out. He was ridiculously handsome, and I tried my best not to drool. “I’m Lucas,” he said, sending me a playful smirk.

Politely, I introduced myself despite him already knowing who I was.

“That’s impressive,” Lucas commented, and I shrugged, not wanting to go through this once again. “How did you do it? It’s not that easy to steal Taeyong’s car, let alone Yuta’s,” he added, and I sighed, trying to come up with a vague and equivocal answer.

“What can I say? You’ve gotta have charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent.”

“Alright, I get it, keep your secrets,” Lucas voiced, biting his lips as if in deep thought. “Sooner or later, I’ll figure this out,” he promised and smiled, willing to take this secret with me to the grave. (I had a bad feeling in my gut, telling me Taeyong would be pissed if he found out the truth about the theft, and I was too cowardly to admit the facts.)

“Are we gonna stand here the whole day, or are you gonna show me around?” I challenged, and Lucas took a step to the side, gentlemanly letting me enter the car repair shop, following closely behind me.

“Ladies first,” he added, chuckling.

It wasn’t a typical car repair shop. The space was huge, and it could accommodate at least fifteen vehicles. On the inside, it resembled a car factory, but instead of assembling the cars, people were taking them apart.

What surprised me the most was the fact that I was the only female inside. Though I knew it was a stereotypically a male profession, men to women ratio was astounding. I didn’t mind it, though. I knew I could beat every single one of them. Gender didn’t matter at all.

“Let me introduce the guys you’ll be working with,” Lucas mentioned, and a few men stopped what they were doing to look at Lucas and me. “Please, meet Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Chenle, Jisung, Jaemin, and Mark,” Lucas introduced them to me, but they didn’t seem very happy to see me. If anything, they seemed a little bit hostile.

“Hi guys,” I said, smiling and waving at them, but their intimidating auras didn’t change. It was awful, and I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was going to work with them. They obviously didn’t like me and didn’t respect me as if worthy of the same position. And it was especially weird because I knew I was better than all of them combined.

Ignoring their angry glances, Lucas explained their roles in this division. Renjun, Haechan, and Chenle were in charge of tuning up the cars, making sure they’re up to the racing standards. Mark and Jaemin were stealing the cars and bringing them here, and Jeno and Jisung were racing. Later on, Lucas revealed I was assigned to both – car theft and racing, and of course, the boys had to voice their objection.

Apparently, they had never heard of multitasking.

According to them, it wasn’t fair for a rookie member to participate in the street races. This position had to be earned through hard work, and they just couldn’t comprehend how much effort I had put to prove my value to Taeyong.

Well… to be honest, I didn’t suspect any of the boys to ever personally talk to Taeyong.  I highly doubted they had an idea of what I had to go through to get recruited. They probably had never heard of Yuta, let alone been to his area and stolen one of his vehicles.

“I hope we will work together just fine,” I declared, though deep inside, I knew it wasn’t going to be a smooth ride. I was sure the boys were to make my time there miserable.

And, oh boy, I was right…

***

Somehow, I managed to survive a week at my new workplace without quitting. At some point, I was really close to doing so, yet then I remembered what I had gone through to work here, and this thought alone kept me going. The boys were an enormous pain in the ass, but it would definitely take much more than juvenile bullying to make me leave.

I was a lot of things, but definitely, not a quitter.

Having acted tough the whole week, I needed something to help me chill, and the only person I thought of was my best friend – Doyoung. I was a gang member now, but I knew it wouldn’t matter to him – it wouldn’t have any impact on our friendship.

Within an hour, I was already at his car repair shop. Not bothering to announce my arrival, I strolled inside, looking for him. It was already weekend. All of his employees were recharging their batteries for the upcoming week, so the slim pair of legs under the Nissan Maxima must’ve been Doyoung’s.

Smirking, I slammed my hands against the hood, startling him in the process. Swiftly, Doyoung rolled out from under the car, staring at me angrily, as if refraining himself from murdering me with bare hands.

“Jesus Christ,” he yelled when he saw my face, apparently relieved it was me. “Ever since I helped you with that gig, I have terrible anxiety,” he confessed, and I couldn’t blame him. I felt the same, fearing that someone might want to get rid of me with violence.

“Good thing I stopped by,” I mused, excited to reveal my amazing plans. “I was wondering if you would like to go on vacation with me – my treat. We haven’t spent all the money Taeyong gave me that time, and he hasn’t mentioned anything if he wants the rest of it back, so I thought we could go to the beach. What do you think?”

“More like Mr. Bad Boy’s treat… It does sound tempting, though. Where is the catch?” Doyoung asked suspiciously, knowing me all too well. “Are you on another stupid assignment?”

“Well… not exactly,” I answered, looking away, nervously playing with my fingers. “They’ve accepted me as the newest addition to the family, though some of them gotta warm up to me yet,” I explained, shrugging at the thought of the relentless bullying. “But that’s not the point. Taeyong told me to get rid of the car, and  I thought of kindly returning it to Yuta. It’s only logical I send him back the car plates, yet far from home because I don’t want anyone to trace it back to me.”

Judging by the look on Doyoung’s face, he wasn’t completely sold on this idea.

“It’s like killing two birds with one stone. We’ll go to the beach, post the plates to Yuta, and then enjoy the rest of the weekend, sipping drinks by the sea. It’s a two-minute risk-free adventure. What do you say? We both deserve some leisure…”

Staring straight ahead, Doyoung must’ve weighed all the pros and cons of my proposition. Ultimately he decided he deserves some alcohol drinks with cute little umbrellas in the glasses.

“What about the other car?” Doyoung asked, and I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’ll give it back as soon as we return.”

“Fine.”

“Great! Pack your suitcase, the plane takes off in four hours.”

As soon as we arrived, we made a short stop to mail the package to Yuta, praying for him not to trace it back to me. The parcel contained the Ferrari’s plates, a key to the storage room in Japan where Yuta’s vehicle had been kept, and a tiny piece of paper with a sorry written on it. Hopefully, once Yuta gets it back, he will forget about the car ever being stolen.

Later in the evening, we checked into the hotel I had booked, left the baggage, and hit the SPA. Having taken all available services, I was calm, I felt like a lotus flower. Doyoung, however, still was anxious and whiny.

“You need some vitamin D, my friend,” I told him, and he grimaced at me in disgust. “You know… there’s this man, his name is Jaehyun. He’s a guy from work, and I’m pretty sure he could help you let off some steam,” I offered, and Doyoung shook his head, sassily wrapping his lips around the straw, sipping on his third drink of the evening.

To be honest, I doubted Jaehyun swung for the same team, but both of them needed to get laid. Jaehyun because I was really close to start believing his gaze could be literally lethal, and Doyoung because he was so whiny and intractable to be around. I knew it wouldn’t ever work out, but I had to, at least, try.

“I appreciate the proposition, but I don’t hook up with gangsters,” Doyoung said, setting his drink on the counter. “You know what…” Doyoung started, and I rolled my eyes, knowing his further statement will be both funny and hurtful.

When tipsy, Doyoung would often state things harshly without even thinking about running around the bush. “Being your friend has become really stressful recently. It’s a matter of time until I go completely bold, and it will be exclusively your fault.”

“I know…” I agreed, sighing in helplessness. “I’ve been a terrible friend, I’m sorry,” I whispered, resting my head on Doyoung’s shoulder, reaching out to hold his hand. “I’ll never put you in danger again, I promise,” I added, acting way out of my character. Usually, I wasn’t this emotional, but I suspected it was coming from pretending to be badass all the time.

“OK, enough of the weeping, let’s buy some alcohol to go and go get drunk on the beach, waiting for the sunrise,” Doyoung pushed my off of his arm and jumped off the barstool.

“That’s the spirit!”

***

“Gather round people,” Lucas yelled as soon as he entered the car repair shop. As always, he looked like a complete snack, yet I chose not to comment on that. Though we barely spoke with one another, everybody knew how big his ego was, and I didn’t want to inflate it even more.

“What is it?” Haechan whined at Lucas, being annoyed by the interruption.

“The color festival,” Lucas revealed, and everybody grew silent at the mention of the event.

Though a regular person wouldn’t understand what’s that big of a deal, to a car racer, it was an event of the year. It’s an annual the most prestigious car race in the country – participation alone is an honor. It’s every racer’s dream to take part and win, earning a shit load of money and fame. The participation fee is 50 grand per head, after all. Every year the date is different, and only the best racers are talented enough to be a part of it. No wonder Taeyong’s gang will have its representative.

“It takes place this Friday, and Taeyong has already decided who’s gonna represent us this year,” Lucas announced, and the boys started to guess whether it would be Jisung or Jeno. If I had to nominate anyone, it would be Jeno – his drifting skills were no joke. “As I was saying, it’s Taeyong’s direct wish that our special snowflake represents us in the competition,” Lucas specified, and the boys looked at me the way Jaehyun did – with hatred and disgust.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” I chuckled drily, but the boys didn’t change their attitudes.

No way! Taeyong couldn’t… he wouldn’t. Well... I expected him to respect me after what I had done, but this… it was too much. Some drivers worked their entire lives mastering their techniques to participate, and right now, I felt as if I had my chance served on a silver platter. The boys must’ve felt the same way.

I deserved to participate, but Jeno and Jisung did as well. I wouldn’t mind sitting this one out. Their bullying was giving me a headache as it was, another reason to pick on me was the last thing I needed at the moment.

“It can’t be,” Jaemin stated, too perplexed to voice a longer statement.

“Well… it must be, Taeyong’s orders,” Lucas added with a smirk on his sexy lips, ignoring all complaints. “Guys, behave, it’s not my decision to make. You can always try next year,” he tried to console the whining boys, but it didn’t seem to work. If anything, it only multiplied the anger they felt towards me.

“It’s impossible,” I muttered, but the boys didn’t pay any attention to what I was trying to say, “I’m pretty sure it’s not final. I’ll talk to him, I think I can change his mind,” I continued, but once again my words were muffled by the loud white noise of complaining.

“You can’t just call him,” Lucas remarked, trying to remind me of my position in the hierarchy. Now, when I was a valid member of the organization, I had to follow the rules, and Lucas was my superior to whom I was obligated to report everything back. Talking to Taeyong would be highly unprofessional; I had to stick to the code.

“Can you try to persuade him?” Jisung asked, full of hope.

Lucas laughed at Jisung’s question as if it was one of the funniest things he heard in years.

“To be honest, I don’t give a fuck who’s gonna ride this year,” Lucas started truthfully, and I gasped at the harshness of his words. He didn’t sugarcoat nor beat around the bush. “It’s Taeyong’s decision, and I am in no place to question his choice, so beat it.”

His words successfully shut everyone up; Lucas was mean and straight-forward, but it had to be done. Perhaps his leading skills were a little bit rough around the edges, but they managed to get the work done.

“You,” Lucas exclaimed, looking at me. “Meet me here before the race; we’ll pick up the car,” he added, turning around, leaving me alone with the boys, so they could take out all frustrations on me.

“Fantastic.”

***

As expected, the boys, Jeno and Jisung in particular, were giving me hell. It was obvious they were unhappy with Taeyong’s decision, yet I shouldn’t be the receiving end of their relentless bullying. If I could, I’d pay Taeyong a visit and persuade him to change his mind, but just like Lucas said, I was on the very bottom of the gang hierarchy.

At this point, I’d call it quits. Unfortunately, I was too far in the game to bow out. Right now, I could only endure their harassment in hopes of quickly getting promoted, leaving them far behind. It wouldn’t be the most challenging thing I had done for the gang’s sake.

It was a Thursday night. Within 24 hours, I would compete in the most infamous race of the year, and I was beyond mortified. I had drunk half a dozen mugs of double lemon balm, yet the stress was still eating me from the inside out.

It was oddly quiet. Usually, at this time of night, something was going on, but tonight, it was silent. Without any white noise, one could hear a pin drop.

Everything suggested I was alone in the car repair shop. Having slammed down the hood, I wiped my hands in the cloth and looked around. Where was everybody? Did they forget to add me to their group chat? Did they go out for a drink without telling me?

I strolled through their stations, yet I didn’t find anybody. They really left me behind. That wasn’t cool. We weren’t best friends, but I deserved to know if there was a staff outing. Maybe this time around, I’d pass, given the plans I had for tomorrow, but any other time, I’d be down to have a beer with them.

Perhaps, they would warm up to me if we could spend some quality time together.

Once again, I looked around the space and decided to call it a day. There was nothing urgent that I had to finish, so I closed up. I really wanted to come back home, relax, and psych myself up for the upcoming race.

Yawning, I slowly made my way to my car, which was parked two blocks away from the car repair shop. Lucas had suggested it was for the best if the boys didn’t see my vehicle, since it would definitely become another reason to pick on me. Though I didn’t care what they thought of me, I ultimately decided to follow Lucas’ advice. He was my superior for a reason.

The narrow street was barely lit, yet I made my way through it with ease. I had the route memorized by heart, even though I wasn’t completely familiar with this city district.

Once the car conjured in my line of vision, I reached into my backpack, fishing for the keys.

Unfortunately, before I managed to find them, somebody grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me onto the ground. Stupefied, I looked up and saw half a dozen of persons, each of whom clad in a black hoodie and a face mask.

I was being mugged in a dark alley.

The survival instincts kicked in. The adrenaline rush hit me in a matter of seconds. Just like mothers who can lift cars to save their children, I was in a combat mode, ready to fight off all of them. I was outnumbered, but when driven on hormones, I thought I stood a chance to defend myself and kick their asses.

Quickly, I got back on my feet and took a few steps to the back to distance myself from the attackers and strategize my next move. My first idea was to run away, but that wasn’t going to work out. Two men with crowbars crept out of the shadows, depriving me of the only escape route I could think of.

“OK, think,” I whispered under my breath. There were seven of them, two of whom had crowbars, while one of them pulled out a knife. Seven against one, it didn’t sound fair. Back in the day, I had taken some self-defense lessons, but it was a long time ago. If I had some skills unconsciously memorized, they would surely be rusty.

Perhaps, I could bullshit my way out of it.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

“What do you want from me?” I asked, but none of the men even flinched. They were frozen in their spots, probably waiting for the best moment to attack. “I don’t have any money on me, but I can give you my wheels,” I proposed, but once again, I didn’t get any reaction. “It’s a measly car, but I got it checked by a mechanic a few days ago. It’s as good as new.”

It was like talking to a wall. I could run my mouth, yet I would never receive any reply.

Plan A didn’t work out.

They weren’t cooperative enough for me to implement plan B.

I had no choice but to go with plan C, which consisted of fighting back, hoping they wouldn’t beat me to death. It wasn’t the most optimistic scenario, but it’s what my mind came up with after doing the math. It wasn’t a fair fight, what were the odds of me winning?

Close to zero.

When I was about to pick which guy I should attack first, the one in front of me made a cutting throat gesture. It did freak me out, but on cue, I ran up to the one with the crowbar and kicked him in the nuts before he managed to smack me with the metal. Instantly, he crumbled down on his knees, dropping the weapon on the ground.

It was my opportunity to try to even the chances.

Everything happened so fast. One second I was wiggling my body from side to side in an attempt to dodge the attack, while a moment later, I was swinging the crowbar like a baseball bat. In all honesty, I wasn’t that bad, I managed to omit most of their punches.

Unfortunately, there were too many of them. At this point, I knew I wouldn’t win. The least I could do was to try to minimize the damage.

Though I could feel a couple of bruises on my thighs forming up and my blood oozing from my shoulder, I gathered enough strength to swing the crowbar at the man, hitting him straight on the neck, knocking him out. As soon as the man’s head collided with the ground, everybody stopped in their tracks, trying to register what just happened.

They couldn’t believe that a woman successfully fought back. It was a small victory, though. Six more angry men wanted to mug me. Or rape me. Or worse.

“You bitch,” one of them yelled, going towards me with a knife as if he wanted to gut me.

I saw everything in slow motion. He ran to me, screaming, and I tightened my grip on the crowbar, getting ready to knock him unconscious, too.

Before he managed to get close enough for me to hit him, we all got blinded by the lights. There was another car in the alley, scaring the men away. In an instant, they picked up their stunned friend and ran away, disappearing in the distance.

My vision couldn’t accommodate this amount of light, so I couldn’t precisely see my savior. Unfortunately, I was unable to see the person behind the wheel, but the vehicle looked like a Ford. Too bad it drove off before I could have a better look.

Worrying the thugs might return, I limped to my car and locked myself in. My pulse was slowly getting back to normal, and the adrenaline was wearing off, making me feel the pain. Each bruise and cut was hurting me, but I inhaled, flooring the accelerator.

***

When I woke up around noon, I was sore all over. Though I had taken some painkillers and put on ointment on the fragile skin, I still felt like shit. I wasn’t the best at treating wounds, and I discovered this fact about myself in the worst timing ever.

How was I supposed to win the most meaningful race of the year when I felt excruciating pain when I had to stretch my arm? How was I supposed to operate the gearbox in this state?

By the time I had to leave my apartment, I felt only slightly better. High on meds, I drove carefully to the car repair shop, expecting Lucas to already be there. It was typical Lucas – giving vague instructions, yet at the same time, demanding precision, or in this case, punctuality.

Gingerly, I parked the vehicle outside the garage, noticing Lucas leaned against the wall, smoking what I hope was just a cigarette. Putting a smile on my face, I undid the seatbelt and exited the car, waving at my superior.

“What the hell are you wearing? Are you going to a race or Lazytown?” Lucas yelled, amused by my outfit. I could bet it wasn’t a typical outfit for street-racing.

Tonight, I chose to wear a pastel pink wig that reached down to my shoulders, a mini dress in the same shade of pink, and a pair of white combat shoes. I had my reasons to wear this type of clothing, though.

First of all – diversion; I hoped the other contestants would underestimate me upon seeing my eccentric outfit. Looks might be deceiving, and at this point, I couldn’t wait to bask in the glory of their judging stares. In this outfit, no one would think of me as a threat.

Second of all – bruises; no one paid them any attention because all the curious gazes were focused on extravagant clothes. Moreover, I could apply another layer of ointment if needed because the skimpy outfit allowed me easy access to my bare skin.

Third of all – Taeyong; pink was his favorite color and it matched his current hairstyle. It was a bold statement to demonstrate whose gang I was representing in the race.

“The outfit is going to serve its purpose, so let me live,” I murmured, not in the mood for friendly banter. Lucas was ridiculously hot, and I respected him, but right now, I didn’t feel like joking around. “What car do you have for me?”

Lucas pulled the sliding doors to the side, letting me in, following right behind me. Though I tried to control my walk, Lucas quickly caught on.

“What’s happened? Why are you walking like that?” Lucas asked in concern, and I told him everything about the men, their attempt to mug me, and the savior. I didn’t even fail to mention how I knocked one of the guys out with a powerful hit in the neck. “I don’t really think it was some random dudes,” he concluded, taking a closer look at my bruises and cuts.

“Huh?” I mused in confusion.

“I think someone wanted to make sure you’re not participating in the race,” Lucas stated. I creased my eyebrows, unable to make sense out of his suspicion. It was ridiculous. Though I knew how to race, my name wasn’t widely known in the illegal underground racing circle. “It can’t be a coincidence you’re getting attacked one night before the event.”

Well… Lucas had a point.

“Can you race?” Lucas inquired, his voice coated in worry.

I did not expect that, but it felt nice. Lucas, being my superior, looked after me, and it was the first time I felt like a legitimate member of the gang.

“I’ve taken a lot of pills, I can pull through,” I stated, smiling half-heartedly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed, though I could already feel the medication wear off. This insignificant setback wasn’t going to stop me. I had something to prove.

“Alright then,” Lucas said, following me to the back. “Taeyong has personally chosen these cars. You can pick any of them,” he added, and I looked at the beautiful machines in amazement. “Oh, before I forget, he also said you get to keep it if you win.”

“For real?” I asked, and Lucas nodded, smiling at my reaction. “Sweet.”

Now, I really had to win.

Taeyong had selected three vehicles for me to use: BMW M2, Toyota Supra, and Porsche 718 Cayman. The three of them were white and shiny, and it was a real dilemma.

“Tough choice,” I whispered, struggling to make the ultimate decision. Each vehicle had incredible features, and it was impossible to pick the best one. It felt like having a birthday on the same day as Christmas.

“Be quick, we’ve got to go,” Lucas urged me, tapping his foot against the concrete floor impatiently. “Make up your mind, woman.”

“OK, fine, fine, let’s go with Toyota,” I answered, and Lucas put his hand into the pocket of his jeans, fished out three sets of keys, and threw one for me to catch.

“Let’s go, then,” he added, quickly making his way to the passenger seat.

“How does it feel like to win such a race?” I inquired, breaking the silence inside the car. I was speeding to the abandoned airport, while Lucas was texting with somebody, completely ignoring me. Perhaps it wasn’t the best time to bond with him, but I couldn’t help my curiosity. Three years ago, being the youngest participant, Lucas had won the race, and I really wanted to know how it felt to make history.

Who knew? Maybe I’d be the first woman to win this race this year.

“Fine, I guess,” Lucas answered dismissively, not wanting to engage in the conversation.

“Oh,” I sighed, deciding not to pry further. We would have other opportunities to talk about it.

Once we arrived, Lucas told me to park the vehicle on the start line. The race would start in an hour, and until then, I had to mingle with other drivers and make my presence known. It was time for the rich men to make their bets.

“Hmm… that’s strange,” Lucas commented when I turned off the engine. “Taeyong’s here.”

“Is that strange?”

“He hasn’t attended such an event ever since he had won it five years ago,” Lucas explained, and I nodded my head, registering the new information. When Lucas put it like that, it really seemed out of character. “Interesting,” he added, deep in thought.

When Lucas got out of the car, I searched for Taeyong in the crowd. Thankfully, it wasn’t that difficult. This time around, Taeyong was wearing a green tracksuit set, thick-rimmed black Fendi sunglasses, and a pair of simple white sneakers. With his pink-ish hair and a custom-made Dior purse loosely hanging off his shoulder, he did not fit in this picture packed with gangers. Taeyong looked like a stray 4-year-old who got lost in a dangerous alley.

Following Lucas’ example, I exited the vehicle, and leaned against the hood, posing as a confident yet quirky driver. Though I expected everyone to underestimate my skills, deep inside, I wished to be recognized as a serious competition.

Looking around, I stared at Taeyong and deliberately ignored Jaehyun’s death glares. Even from afar, I could sense he hated my guts. I suspected I was the reason why Taeyong was here right now, and Jaehyun was unmistakably displeased by it.

With my eyes locked on Taeyong, I noticed Lucas joined him and whispered something into his ear. Whatever Lucas had told him, it made Taeyong visibly angry.

“Attention racers,” a female voice spoke through the speakers, obtaining everyone’s attention. “The race shall begin in thirty minutes. We ask all racers to pick up the GPS device box at the judge’s lounge. Thank you for your attention and good luck.”

Every participant had to install the device in one’s car. Once set in the vehicle, the racer could see this year’s route and all checkpoints. The fastest one to clear all the checkpoints and come back to the airport would win the competition.

Following all the instructions, I got ready for the race. In a few minutes, twelve cars would leave the airport in an attempt to chase their dreams of fame and success.

I was sitting comfortably in my seat, and though on the outside, I seemed calm, the courtesy of painkillers, I was freaking out internally. I didn’t even notice someone knock on the window, making me jump in shock.

“Jesus Christ, Lucas, you scared the shit out of me,” I cursed, rolling down the window.

“I just wanted to wish you good luck,” he added, smiling genuinely. “I spoke with Taeyong, and he would like to talk to you after the race in his mansion.”

“Oh.”

And with that, Lucas walked away, letting me relax some more before the race. I just had enough time to turn on my playlist, which consisted of Britney Spears’ biggest hits. It always helped me to uplift my mood, and I really needed that.

“Three,” the woman counted out loud, and all participants turned on their engines.

“Two.”

“One.”

At once, all the cars surged forward, and people cheered enthusiastically, not even muffling the loud engine roars.

The route had seven checkpoints in total, and since the race was called the color festival, each stop was named after the rainbow color. There was no specified order in which the contestants ought to clear them, yet most of them chose to drive east, toward the indigo checkpoint.

I, on the other hand, decided to head west. The more drivers in one area, the more chances of dirty tricks, and I didn’t want to end up getting pushed out of the route into the gutter.

Only four racers mirrored my actions, and out of the five of us, I was leading. With ease, I cleared the green checkpoint, but one Britney song later, the driver of the red 2020 Lexus SC caught up to me, driving straight into my back left lights, making me lose control of the vehicle for a second. Thankfully, I managed to get a hold of the situation before I drove into the dangerous turn.

This bastard scratched my car and cleared the yellow checkpoint before me.

I couldn’t let him get away with it.

Flooring the accelerator, I quickly found myself on the right side of the Lexus, staring at the driver. I recognized him in an instant. It was Felix, and he was infamous for dangerous driving. It didn’t matter how many drivers he had to send to the hospital to win the race.

Perhaps, it would be reasonable to let him be, but I was high on meds, and the logical solution fled my mind before I managed to memorize it. The only sensible reaction I could muster in the heat of the moment was hitting him before he hit me again.

Sticking my tongue out for Felix to see, I abruptly turned to the right, pushing him out of the road. Unfortunately, I didn’t hit him hard enough. Before I drove into another sharp turn, I saw him in the rearview mirror. He was back on the lane, trying to catch up with the rest of the participants.

“Too high, can’t come down, losing my mind, spinning ‘round and round, do you feel me now?” I sang along with Britney, driving through the blue checkpoint.

I was almost halfway through the race, and it was about the time when I ran out of luck. I could hear a loud siren ringing in the distance, followed by red and blue lights. It couldn’t be a good sign. Competing against lunatics was challenging, yet on top of that, I had to lose the police.

My first thought was to let the other drivers catch up to me, and then hope the police would chase them, but I quickly realized it was a dumb idea. The racers would out-speed the police cruisers anyway; it was stupid to purposefully slow down.

The next checkpoint was near, and it was my priority. I’d deal with the police by the end of the race. Of course, only if the police cruisers could handle such speed. It was doubtful, but I chose not to underestimate them.

“Fuck, it can’t be,” I cursed when I noticed the red Lexus again. “He is stubborn,” I added, once again flooring the accelerator, trying to keep as much distance from Felix as possible. This car would be mine if I won, and I didn’t want any more damage.

Then, a few seconds later, another car appeared a couple of hundred meters behind me.

Too bad the police were too incompetent to catch them. The sirens were still ringing in the distance, so it only meant they didn’t give up yet. I didn’t think they stood a chance against any of the sports cars in the race, but it was admirable that they still tried.

The red checkpoint was a couple meters ahead, and I reasoned I needed to step up my game. In order to win, I had to think out of the box. I had to do something they wouldn’t dare. I couldn’t play it safe if I really wanted to win.

Having cleared the red checkpoint, I made a U-turn without slowing down. If it wasn’t for the breaks, the force would pull me out of the lane, sending me flying off the cliff. Felix and the other guy were visibly confused when I started driving right at them.

Going over 180 km/h, I passed them and the police cruiser before I made an abrupt turn, driving through run-down, abandoned properties. Very few people knew this short-cut, and I hoped it would give me the advantage I desperately needed.

With no problem, I cleared the orange checkpoint.                

Only two more to go, I told myself, trying to uplift my mood.

The violet checkpoint resembled a war zone. Three cars were sitting on the side of the road, all scratched and damaged. Compared to this psycho who had done it, Felix was a harmless kitten. Thankfully, he hadn’t chosen to follow the same path as me. It made me sick to think I could be inside of one of these wrecked cars.

Or it was the meds overload in my system.

I couldn’t be sure.

Having passed the final checkpoint, I noticed a sports car. It was heading the same direction, so I concluded it was one of my rivals. The neon green Porsche Boxter was behind me, but it was catching up incredibly fast.

I had to get my shit together, or I was going to lose.

I could see the finishing line in the distance. Unfortunately, the green Porsche was right there, on my left side. Neither of us wanted to lose, and almost at the same time, we turned, smashing against each other. Sparks were flying everywhere, the sound of scratching metal was ringing loudly, yet no one dared to let go.

If I didn’t push him out of my way, we would tie, and this result was unacceptable. With my foot on the accelerator, I turned the steering wheel to the right as hard as I could. The vehicle barely moved to the side, yet it was still making progress.

Maybe it was pure luck, but the Porsche ran over something on the road, and its driver lost control of the car. It was my time to shine, so once again I turned to the right. The vehicles made a 90-degree turn, which resulted in me being the first one to cross the finishing line.

Oh my god, I won.

These guys could suck it because I beat them!

When I got out of the car, Taeyong and Jaehyun were gone. Lucas was the only familiar face in the crowd, and he actually ran up to me to congratulate me. “You won,” Lucas said, beaming. His smile quickly faded away upon seeing how wrecked the car was. “It was a new car,” he cried, calculating the damage.

“It’s still new,” I remarked, but Lucas didn’t find it amusing. Well… I could relate. After all, it was my car. I knew the second the painkillers wear off, I was going to in pain because of what I did to the vehicle. Hopefully, Doyoung would help me get it fixed.

A lady in a deep-cut bikini and sun-kissed tan walked up to me to hand me a bag of cash and a bottle of champagne.

“Everybody, make some noise for this year’s winner,” she screamed into the microphone, making the crowd go crazy.

I was smiling like a lunatic. People were cheering, and it was all for me.

Though I was craving champagne, I knew it wasn’t the best idea to drink it. The pills mixed with alcohol would kill me, so I opted for an alternative celebration. Swinging my arm, I threw the bottle at the car, smashing it against the scratched doors.

“Christening the car seemed appropriate,” I commented when I saw Lucas trying to process what I just did. “At this point, one more tear doesn’t make a difference.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Lucas said lifelessly, staring with concern at the vehicle. “You better go. Don’t keep Taeyong waiting. He’s not a patient person.”

***

Having parked in front of Taeyong’s big ass mansion, I made my way to the main entrance and rang the bell. The doors opened a few seconds later, and Jaehyun looked at me from head to toe, stepping to the side, letting me in.

It was my first time in Taeyong’s palace, and the interior was breathtaking. Everything looked expensive, and everyone must’ve felt the wow effect during their first visit. Though I knew he had a shit load of money, witnessing his wealth first hand was an unforgettable experience.

“Stay here, I’ll get Taeyong,” Jaehyun ordered, and I smiled sheepishly, not wanting to mess with someone who could easily murder me. “Don’t touch anything,” Jaehyun added as he turned around, catching me red-handed on trying to brush my fingers against the sculpture, which was set on a coffee table.

Two minutes later, Taeyong joined me in the spacious living room.

“Lucas told me you won,” he spoke as he plopped down onto a leather couch, putting his hands into the pocket of his disgusting green tracksuit. “Good job.”

“Is that why you wanted to see me? To congratulate me?” I asked out loud, wanting to smack myself the moment the words left my mouth. Of course, Taeyong didn’t want to congratulate me; he had invited me to his mansion before the race even began.

“No,” he replied shortly, and I smiled sheepishly, trying to forget this incident. “You know what I will never tolerate?” Taeyong asked, and I sighed in thought.

“I don’t know… Hmm… it’s a wild guess, but is it Hawaiian pizza?”

“No,” Taeyong denied, smirking at my random guess. “I will never tolerate treason, doll.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to figure out what he meant. I hadn’t done anything to betray him, yet he still somehow found something to punish me for. No way, it wasn’t possible. Had he figured out how I really had stolen Yuta’s car?

Fuck.

“Come on, doll. Let me show you,” Taeyong whispered, standing up. With his eyes on me, he smiled and stretched his hand. Anxiously, I let him hold his palm around mine as he led me to the basement.

It wasn’t a good omen.

Despite all of my achievements, Taeyong was going to kill me.

“The pink really suits you,” Taeyong spoke out of the blue when we slowly made our way downstairs. “I really like this hair on you,” he added, playing with the ends of my wig.

“Thanks, I was hoping you’d like it,” I answered, trying not to show how intimidated I was.

“Oh, I do, doll,” he smirked, pushing a pair of big pine doors open, stepping to the side, letting me in first.

Inside the room were seven men tied to the chairs with a piece of cloth wrapped around their eyes. Since there was only one light bulb, it took me a while to recognize them.

They were my colleagues from the garage. What the hell were they doing here? Why had Taeyong imprisoned them? What had they done? It was them who had betrayed Taeyong? No, it didn’t make any sense. He wouldn’t have invited me if it was about them.

“I don’t understand…” I commented, my eyes focused on the tied men in front of me. The moment when I looked at Jisung, I saw a wound on his neck.

Then it hit me.

It was them.

They had tried to kill me last night.

“As I said, I cannot tolerate treason,” Taeyong voiced as he began to rip the makeshift blindfolds off their faces. “Working against the gang is unacceptable, and you dared to hurt one of your own,” he spoke, and I trembled, afraid to witness what’s going to happen next. “Who came up with this stupid plan?”

Silence.

“Alright then,” Taeyong concluded through gritted teeth. It was the first time I saw him this angry, and I was scared. I’d shit my pants if I were the reason for his wrath. “Come here, doll,” he ordered, wanting me to join him. “Pick your weapon,” he told me, and I looked at him in confusion. What did I need a weapon for?

I looked to the right and saw pegboard tool storage on the wall. It was an impressive collection of torture weapons, and Taeyong wanted me to use them on the traitors. It was wrong on so many levels, and I really didn’t want to do it, but the perspective of wronging Taeyong seemed even worse. I would rather hurt them than let Taeyong hurt me.

“We don’t have a whole night, doll,” Taeyong urged me, and I grabbed the first thing which was in my arms’ reach. It happened to be a hammer. “Excellent choice; who should we punish first?” Taeyong asked, resting his arm over my shoulder, smiling like a maniac. Without any doubt, it was to bring him a lot of pleasure.

“I don’t know…”

“Alright, then,” Taeyong smiled in amusement before he started to sing the eeny, meeny, miny, moe counting rhyme to select the first victim. At first, I didn’t look, but once Taeyong stopped singing, I opened my eyes to see that his finger was pointing at Haechan.

“Do what you gotta do, doll,” Taeyong ordered happily, leaning against the wall, making sure he had the best view at the scene unfolding in front of him.

I wanted to cry, but I tried my best not to. As a part of a gang, it was inappropriate to show vulnerability. I didn’t want Taeyong to revoke my membership, especially when the only way to leave the gang was through excruciating death.

“Where should I start?” I asked myself under my breath, having no idea how torturing worked. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a way of inflicting the least amount of pain, while maintaining the expected level of Taeyong’s satisfaction.

Having closed my eyes, I swung my arm, hitting Haechan’s palm with the hammer, making him groan in pain. “You bitch,” he cursed, and I repeated the blow a couple of times until his hand looked like a smashed pomegranate.

Haechan was yelling in pain, Taeyong was chuckling in amusement, and I tried my best to refrain myself from crying. Though I didn’t particularly like Haechan, and he had been a real pain in the ass with the bullying, he didn’t deserve such punishment. How was he supposed to work at the garage without his dominant hand? His career was basically over. It was a dick move to attack me, and though I was awfully petty, the punishment was too severe.

“Who came up with this stupid plan?” Taeyong questioned again, yet none of the boys dared to speak. Not even Haechan, who was in a tremendous amount of pain. “Here, hold this,” he added, handing me a baseball bat, “I got bored of the hammer.”

Obediently, I grabbed the baseball bat and hit Haechan in the stomach until he started coughing blood on my pink dress. “What the fuck?” I cursed, getting angry at the minor inconvenience.

“Stop it, you’ll kill him,” Jisung yelled, trying to shimmy himself out of the ties. “I did it. I told them to beat her up. She didn’t deserve to ride in this race,” he carried on, and Taeyong sighed, walking up to Jisung nonchalantly with his hands loosely tucked in the pockets.

“It wasn’t that hard, was it?” Taeyong asked as he bent a little and caressed Jisung’s chin. “I really appreciate your honesty,” he added before he pulled out a gun and shot him in the head.

It was hard to process, but he really did shoot Jisung.

“Good job, doll,” Taeyong congratulated me with a smile before he fired his gun once again, this time shooting through Haechan’s forehead. “What? He was useless without his hand anyway,” he commented upon seeing my shocked reaction.

“You’re not gonna kill them, are you?” I quietly asked as I leaned against Taeyong’s frame, clinging to his chest. None of them deserved to die, yet I hoped Taeyong would spare the remaining five.

“No, I think it was enough for them to learn their lesson,” Taeyong revealed, and I sighed in relief, glad the bloodshed was over. It was the first time I saw somebody get killed, and it was a morbid sight. I wouldn’t mentally handle the situation if he decided to murder them all.

“Can we go now? The blood makes me sick,” I confessed, and Taeyong once again wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulled me to his side, and led outside. Surprisingly, regardless of what I had seen a while ago, his hug felt genuine. “I have a question, though.”

“Shoot.”

“How did you know it was them?”

Taeyong smirked, “who do you think was in that car that scared them off?”

“You?” I asked, cocking up my eyebrow, trying to process the newfound information.

“No, what I would be doing there?” Taeyong denied, making me even more confused. “I told Jaehyun to pick you up and bring to my mansion. However, when he saw you were attacked, he drove off and hunted them down.”

“I guess I owe him big time.”

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Other Anon’s hc description about how Acier may have been sad and resigned herself to royal duties, not really expecting love… she was sad but it is what it is. THAT POST

I loved it so much because it was a prime example of something I’ve always believed.

For the record, this is my opinion, and I’m sharing it because of how much this hc reminded me of it. I am in no shape or form telling anyone who has an opposing opinion that they’re wrong. If you agree, yay! If you don’t, that’s fine - you do you. To each his/her/they’re own.

Warning: long, rambling:

I’ve always believed love at first site is BS. Attraction at first sight? 100% real, I couldn’t tell you how BC characters (or manga/anime characters in general) I saw at first glance and was like Yup, he attractive or how many real life guys I’ve seen or caught a passing glance of and thought the same thing… but that’s not love. Chemistry at first sight? A little less common that just physical attraction but still plausible. You can definitely be attracted to someone’s presence, mannerisms, aura/energy/vibe, you could both notice and find it cool when it feels like you both have a nice flow going together seemingly in-sync without trying to… but that’s not love. Love takes time. It requires you to at least believe you’ve gotten to know the person. Time to understand and accept their good and their bad. You need to know more than a basic description about them to even get started on the path that leads to falling in love. It takes time. It’s almost never instantaneous. Did you catch the almost? I believe love is never instantaneous when it comes to romantic Eros love. But familial agape love? That’s the one where I’m 100% convinced love at first sight exists. But even that is controversial on the mother’s end because you could also say it was love at first kick, love at first sonogram image, love at first sound of the heartbeat,… love at first knowledge of their existence… but if all else fails love at first sight when you first get to hold that new baby in your arms. Ask any (good) parent (I emphasize good because there are unfortunately shitty neglectful bad horrible abusive excuses of sperm/egg donors parents that don’t deserve the title of mom or dad, like Papa Silva. from the bottom of my heart: F*ck you🖕Papa Silva) ask any (good) parent what they felt the first time they held their first child in their arms (every child is important but I say first because you’re going in blind the first time not knowing what to expect) and tell me their response wasn’t something like an overflow of love and fear. I’ve always believed that the love a parent feels for their child (and vice versa even if the baby may not understand it) is the closest thing in the world to genuine love at first sight. Anon hit the Silver nail on the Silva head. I can completely see Acier break into tears alone in her bed after giving birth to Nozel, overwhelmed with joy and love at the little boy in her arms. The little baby that nobody can convince me didn’t come out with a little bouncy silver strand/bang on his head. What are your thoughts on the subject Laura-Senpai? Oh!& btw: Please Please Please write a little scenario drabble of this Laura-Senpai! Acier and how she felt when she first gave birth to Nozel and how Nozel felt when mother first gave birth to his remaining 3 siblings and what he felt the first time he held them?!?!?!?!?

Hmmm 🤔

I'm not sure what to think. Because I think a part of the topic is how different people perceive love. As in, there is discussion about what is different people's love language, because it can, and does, vary from person to person. So, even the Eros type of love can be experienced differently between people. (I'm including a cut here, because this'll be rather lengthy.)

But also: love changes over time. As in, I've been with my fiancé for 5 years now, and in the beginning our love was... really intense. It was a burning, pulling, hesitating, tranquil, restless, consuming desire to be with the other, in more than one sense of the word. It was a rollercoaster. And it came out of nowhere. We had known of each other's existence for 3 years, but we had barely spoken 3 words. Until... one summer it just... clicked. It took a week of watching each other from the other side of the room, again, exchanging barely 3 words during the week. But at the end of the week, and after the request to have that first date, there was no turning back.

And it was incredibly intense. I've experienced the "hey, that person looks really nice" kind of attraction before, but this was x10 000 that much.

But it's not that anymore. It's no longer a rollercoaster, but it's more like a... gentle stream that carries forward. It's in no way lesser now than what it was before, it's just different. I do still, at times, cry about how lucky and in love I am.

So, though my love doesn't exactly count as "love at first sight" because I had seen him before, it's almost such, because I had paid no attention to him before. He had been just another face in the crowd, until that... one week, when it clicked for no discernable reason. It was like someone had looped a rubber band around us, that "forced" us together. But that's just me, and my experience.

Some people first grow to be in love. There's no instant connection, but building towards it. And that's just as valid. It's also something I expected for myself, to have to first build a relationship and grow to love a person.

I'm also not sure about how I feel the connection between a parent and a child, because my only mother-child connection comes from my own mother, and she was quite proud to tell me that she didn't hold me in her arms for long right after I was born, but rather told the nurses to take me from her. She also told me that I wasn't breastfed for long (which means that I didn't "bond" with her for as long and as intently as I could have). But she also told me that she loved me. And after a lot of thought and pondering, I think that she did, in fact, love me. But she didn't love me in the way that I would perceive the to be loved. I still don't think I know what mother's love is, but I can list things that it is not, in my opinion. Unfortunately I can't talk about this anymore with her, because she passed a year ago (pretty much to a day, actually). And even if there was a chance for us to talk about this, which we superficially did once upon a time, I think all that could be concluded, would be: we experience love differently.

So... I suppose that in my opinion love, in any of it's shapes, can happen differently for each person. For some it can be instantaneous, and for some it's the kind they have to grow to do and feel.

[fullsunalicia]

May I request a werewolf au for jaemin please?🥺👉🏻👈🏻 I’m a sucker for supernatural aus and your writing ‘s are extraordinary!! I absolutely love them! So please?🥺🥺

destiny — NJM

you’re not close with na jaemin, but you know plenty of rumors to give you a vivid expectation. so when he starts courting you, you’re not sure if you can believe him. you learn, though, that it’s so hard to resist a womanizer when he’s as charming as jaemin, and is destined to be yours forever.

jesus christ na jaemin is too pretty to handle. look at that gif omg / hello love! thank you so much for your kind words. i’m glad i can please someone with my writing 🥺 i hope you enjoy wolf jaemin

werewolf!jaemin x witch!reader / college au

Temptation is a sin. So is Na Jaemin.

There’s just that hazy air around him that makes everyone look again. Too gorgeous to be real, and yet he’s standing here, gifting you with a smile that knocks the air right out of you. God’s favorite, falling from heaven. That’s how you’d describe the stunning boy who has been trying for the past few weeks to convince you to go on a date with him.

His face may seem innocent, but the glint in his eye says anything but. You have heard about the many girls, how the shards of their hearts form a trail behind him. Jaemin is easy to please, but hard to keep. Attention is a precious thing, time is money. In his case, time is pleasure. A pretty face may lure him in, but nothing ever makes him stay.

And yet he’s been chasing you for a month now. The first to pick you up from your locker, a freshly brewed coffee in hand just for you. For someone that walks the earth as a god in a human body, Na Jaemin shouldn’t bother to learn your coffee orders by heart. He shouldn’t be the one making you laugh out loud in your least favorite classes and he should not be making the effort to make your heart skip.

Love is discardable, recycable. Never long-term. That’s what Jaemin says. So why is he sitting here, pouting, because you’re denying him the affection he so desperately craves? There are thousands of girls who’d kill to take your place. It drives you insane to be kept in the dark - you want to crack the wolf boy’s head open and look inside, cast a spell on him and make him spill his guts.

Nobody can know you’re a witch. Especially not Na Jaemin, part of the wolf pack that despises your kind. Everybody knows the stories, of Mark Lee and the woman he gave his heart to, cursed by a witch’s envy. That’s why you stay quiet and endure Jaemin’s flirting, and the only reason you resort to investigate the human way.

“What are you doing here, Nana? Be honest.”

Jaemin furrows his brows. “Now, what’s that supposed to mean, baby?” The nickname falls so easily from his lips. It feels just right, because why wouldn’t you be his baby? Who would pass up the chance to taste the honey dripping from his lips, the lies he speaks that taste like bitter-sweet candy? You’ve met plenty of guys who play hearts like a particularly interesting game of cards, but never have you seen someone like Jaemin. Love is like a lottery to him, and you’re the billion dollar prize - the way he treats you makes you feel like the most precious thing in the world, of undescribable worth. You know Jaemin is affectionate with everyone, and yet it makes your heart burst when he cradles your waist like it’s fine china. Carefully. Respectfully. To him, you’re art. Sadly, he’s not a critic - only the collector.

You let him rub his cheek against your stomach as if he’s a needy cat. There’s no use stopping him, since Jaemin gets the attention he desires one way or another. It should make you feel sick. And yet you only pray that he continues playing this game of push and pull, hope that he keeps trying. You’re a masochist, an addict. Na Jaemin is your fix.

The sunlight frames Jaemin’s face like a halo when he leans back and smiles at you. This is the face of Michelangelo’s David, the perfect reincarnation of Adonis. His looks are surreal. Like cut-out diamonds, Jaemin’s jawline seems sharp, but is soft to the touch. Beauty in controversy. Lust and virtue in one. Any angel at the gates to heaven would rip their hair out of trying to sort Jaemin - too gorgeous for hell, too sinful to stay in paradise. “Go bother someone else,” you mumble, desperately trying to break the spell you’re under. Na Jaemin makes you dizzy, and he knows. “I bet Haechan’s going to cuddle you. So go, shoo!”

“I don’t want Haechan.” A loud yelp is tugged out of you when Jaemin tugs you down to sit next to him, and in the next second you’re being embraced. Strong arms curl around your body, holding you close, hiding you away from the world. The most wonderful feeling in the world. “I want you.”

Love has never treated you right. Several nights have been wasted on boys and their white lies, on let-down crushes and unrequited feelings. Maybe it’s because you’re a witch, and bad luck follows you everywhere.

Just for once in your life, you want to be treated like a princess. You want Jaemin to look at you and see everything he ever dreamt of coming true. But that’s impossible. You know it very well.

That’s why you untangle yourself, sad smile on your lips, sorrow weighing heavy on your heart. Love is for girls that aren’t afraid to fall. “Sorry, but no,” you tell Jaemin, and tears prick at your eyes when you stand up and walk away.

You will never fall again.

— ❦ —

Sadness tastes like cheap raspberry vodka and salty tears. Atleast that’s what your intoxicated brain thinks it is, as you lean your head against the bathtub and close your eyes in an attempt to drown out all the loud music outside. It’s not like you to get wasted beyond control, but it’s hard to look at Kwon Eunbin’s face and say no when she begs you to take a shot with her. And another one. And another one after that.

Did it matter to Eunbin that you don’t like alcohol that tastes like disinfectant? No, of course not. Your best friend’s only job is to get you drunk and make you forget about your stupid infatuation with a certain blueberry-haired boy. Rosé wine and cocktails are long forgotten the second Eunbin takes you into the kitchen and makes you play drinking games against the frat brothers living here. Now it’s landed you in the only free bathroom inside this house, while Eunbin is searching for some water for you.

Not like she’s too drunk to take care of even herself right now. You’d bet fifty dollars she‘s already forgotten about you because someone lured her to a beer pong table. It’s alright, you forgive her. But it’s not that nice to sit in the bathroom and ponder over the meaning of your existence alone. Your conclusion of what sorrow tastes like isn’t that deep, but it’s the perfect description of the miserable shape you’re in right now. Who the hell even drinks raspberry vodka? It tastes nothing like that. It’s just drinkable bleach that your stomach barely handles.

And yet it’s enough to numb out the butterflies Na Jaemin brings to life inside you. When you close your eyes, his laughter rings in your ears, as if he’s right here with you. The sound is pleasant, calming. Like good music to a trained ear. This is what happiness would sound like if it were a noise. No matter how Jaemin treats love interests, he’s a good person at heart. That’s what makes it so hard to get over that stupid infatuation. It’s impossible to forget about his advances when all you can think about is him volunteering at a shelter and secretly adopting rescue kittens, because his best friend loves them. You think of the adorable smile on his lips when he’s suprised with his favorite snack, and how he gushes love declarations to his friends just because they thought about him. His kindness to strangers. His loyalty to the pack.

Na Jaemin. End of sentence. That’s it.

Perfection is unattainable, a ridiculous concept. You know that, and you still think it’s the only word to properly grasp Jaemin’s personality.

The vodka is doing a bad job from getting your mind off him. You groan, moving to hide your face in your hands. Is the room spinning or is that just you giving out on reality?

“(y/n)?”

It’s not Eunbin. When you look up, you lock eyes with Lee Jeno. It’s heartwarming how concerned he looks, even if you don’t talk that often. You’re only acquiantances. Despite that, Jeno moves to sit down beside you, carefully putting a hand on your shoulder. “Everything alright?” he asks, voice quiet. You strain to even hear him properly, booming trap music making the house rumble.

It’s ridiculous, but your inebriated brain doesn’t even think about worrying about yourself. Grinning, you point at the boy’s blonde locks, tousled and curled. His girlfriend liked to play around with his hair often. It’s cute he lets her style it. “Since when’s your hair dyed?” You drawl out. Your tongue feels weirdly heavy, as if it’s not supposed to be there. Something makes you want to bite down, but the very small part of you that’s still sober screams not to do it. “Last time I saw you, it was still black. Did your girl do that?”

He laughs. It’s a nice sound, but it’s not like Jaemin. It doesn’t make your heart skip several beats and stutter like a broken record. “You’re about to pass out in our bathroom and yet you ask me about my hair?”

“Yeah. It looks really, really cool. I didn’t think any other hair color would suit you, but now that I see it, I dig it. Good job to the hair dresser.”

“Thanks.” Jeno chuckles, and then he helps you sit up. The many shots took their time to hit you, but now they all mess with you at once. Thankfully, you have a very good friend who keeps you up. “I’ll pass it along. But first, can I get you some water? Do you want to lay down? There’s a spare room downstairs because Renjun’s out of the house right now.”

Fear suddenly floods your senses. Eunbin hasn’t returned, and you don’t want to be left alone again. If Jeno goes now, you’ll probably start crying from the amount of overthinking you’ve been up to. “Don’t leave, please,” you plead Jeno. He pets your hair, like you’re some sort of cat. It’s strangely enjoyable.

“(y/n), you need some other drink besides alcohol. You’re going to have the biggest hangover otherwise.”

Oh, there is no way to avoid that. If Jeno knew how much you had downed this evening ... But you don’t tell him, instead shaking your head. “Don’t wanna be alone. ‘M sad.”

Jeno cocks his head. There’s something in his eyes that you can’t read, unfathomable. Like this, he somehow looks younger. You wonder if cocking his head is a habit he picked up from being a wolf, but asking that would be weird. The man seated infront of you takes the decision out of your hands. “You want me to get Jaemin?”

You don’t know what possesses you, but you nod instantly. Moving on instinct, of course. The second Jaemin is mentioned, your fears settle. Your heart calms down. What is it about that name that makes you feel so much at home?

“Okay,” Jeno breathes out. He squeezes your shoulder one last time, before standing up and leaving the bathroom. Time seems to pass so slowly. Being in a bathroom drunk always feels like staying in an alternate dimension. It’s just God and you now, no matter if you’re religious or not. It’s an unwritten rule.

Your audience with a deity doesn’t last long, though it feels like eternity. When the door opens again, Jaemin enters, the door clicking into the lock as he closes it. “Baby,” he laughs. How dare he mock your misery? “I didn’t even know you drink at parties.”

Your actions are out of your control the second Jaemin settles beside you. Without hesitation, you move to climb on his lap, arms moving around his waist and keeping him there. This is fine. This is okay. He wouldn’t mind, right?

For a moment, Jaemin tenses below you. In that split second, you think rationally again. Maybe you had crossed a boundary. You should’ve asked before initiating this. What the hell were you thinking? But Jaemin bows over you, and then your mind just blanks. You get lost in the way he embraces you, strong body hiding away yours as he buries his face in your hair and breathes in deeply. Jaemin is warm, like a furnace beneath your touch. Wolves tend to run a little warmer than normal people. The boy in your arms seems to burn you, and yet you wouldn’t move away for a single thing in the world. You’re perfectly content with where you are.

If this is what loving Jaemin feels like, you think that the pain to be endured is worth it. This feels like your own personal heaven. Soft lips meeting the shell of your ear. Whispered compliments. Someone chuckling alongside with you when you comment sarcastically. The universe comes to a halt whenever you’re with this wolf, whether that’s a good thing or not. You don’t want to know. You want to stay like this forever.

“Still with me, baby?”

“Mhm.” You hum, repositioning yourself on his lap. Sadly, he leans away when you lock your arms around his neck, laughing at the whine you let out at that. He’s really enjoying seeing you suffer today. Maybe this is why his friends beat him up all the time. You’ve seen their play fights, both in human and wolf form. “Tired.”

Where Jaemin’s hands meet the exposed skin of your waist, the butterflies come back to life. You weren’t able to drown them, no matter how much vodka you drank. “Did someone ever tell you how cute you are when you’re wasted?” he mumbles, tugging you closer. Your breath hitches when his chest meets yours. He smiles. “Now I need to follow you like a guard dog at every party so nobody else gets to see this. I’d get too jealous.”

“Don’t worry,” you mutter. A hiccup makes you jump on top of him, and you miss the way Jaemin silently groans at that. “Nobody wants me, anyway.”

It’s quiet for a long time. Surely, this would make him stop chasing after you, and now you’ll have to learn how to survive every day without the wolf boy making you feel better with his words. The reassurance he showers you with. The many thumbs-ups, his constant encouragement. Though, now that you think about it - this is the longest Jaemin has ever put up with a girl. Is he humoring you? Did he know about what he made bloom inside your chest, and is hoping you choke on the petals?

When you look up, the wolf’s eyes are in disbelief, almost enraged. It’s a reaction that you didn’t expect, sobering you up just a little. “Is that what you think?” he inquires, the underlying tone in his voice deadly. You gulp. “(y/n), you must know about the many guys standing in line behind me. Are you unaware of all the attention that you draw to yourself? How stunning you are?”

The words tug at your heartstrings. Still, you tell him, “It’s never made anyone stay.”

It’s the truth, a truth he’s going to confirm himself. Na Jaemin can’t be held down. He’s the fleeting warm wind kissing your skin, the sun breaking through the thunder clouds to save your day. He’s not meant to be there forever. Witches don’t run with wolves.

You’d give it all up for him. The spells, the magic, the spirits. Toss everything away to offer Jaemin the world. But Jaemin has galaxies inside his soul, and the universe inside his eyes.

What would he want with your world?

Jeno coughs awkwardly when he enters. It’s the only comment he lets slip about the position you’re both in, instead kneeling down to offer you the glass. The water’s freezingly cold, but you gulp it all down, heart soaring at Jaemin’s praise. Both wolves briefly talk about what’s going on downstairs, and you yawn. Jaemin’s head snaps to yours. Seconds later, you’re lifted off the ground.

“Jaemin!”

Jeno laughs at your shocked squeal. He turns off the lights in the bathroom while you’re carried out, and you lose sight of him as Jaemin brings you to bed. Sighing, you rest your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. You just want to sleep. Forget about this conversation, deal with the problem later. In the morning, you’d let your heart be crushed by the boy who was never yours. And then you’ll have to learn how to survive that.

Jaemin sets you down on a soft bed. His hands cup your cheeks, thumbs swiping over your cheekbones. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he says. His tone offers no room for discussion. So you nod obediently, and hug him. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this, but something just keeps urging you to. To feed into the addiction that is Na Jaemin. The more you consume, the more hooked you get. He just laughs when you kiss his cheek, lets you tug him down so he hovers over you. “Stop acting cute. You’re still in trouble.”

“Okay.” You kiss his other cheek. His eyes slip closed when you dishevel his hair, tugging at the locks in an affectionate manner. The color suits him.

You don’t know why you’re feeling this way. The flutter of your heart is a foreign feeling, as weird as the sadness you feel when Jaemin moves away from you. You’re not ready yet, not able to face the flood. You grip his shirt, your legs wound tightly around your waist. The immense wish for him to lay down beside you makes you feel lightheaded.

“(y/n),” Jaemin groans, but he still hides his face in the crook of your neck. You’re aware he can hear your heart racing at his actions, but you can’t find yourself to care. All that matters is that he’s here. You sigh in content when the wolf kisses his way up your throat, dangerously close to your jaw. “Acting cute is not gonna save you.”

You shrug.

The room is dimmed, so you can’t see the look on his face. “Stop,” he deadpans. “I can’t kiss you when you’re drunk. Be a good girl.”

“Will you kiss me, then?”

“When you’re sober and still willing.”

You tighten your grip on his shirt. “Okay. That’s a promise, right? Because otherwise, I’ll get really, really, really upset...”

You wish he wouldn’t tease you by pressing a kiss to your cheeks. You can’t see him, but you know he’s grinning. You just know. He’s Na Jaemin. “Be a good girl,” he repeats. “And in the morning, you’ll get a reward.”

— ❦ —

Your head feels like it’s been split apart. Someone’s punching holes into your temples, and you wince when you move. This is the reason you never drink high-percentage alcohol. It messes you up so much more than your trusted wine.

The bed you slept in feels empty without a body to hold you warm. It smells like your favorite wolf, but you know for a fact he hasn’t been in this room once after you fell asleep. He wouldn’t do anything without your consent. Especially when you’re under the influence. You long for another hug, but once you realize what you’re feeling, you freeze. Everything from yesterday comes rushing back.

“Oh my stars,” you murmur.

Embarrassment feels very hot, and somehow chilling at the same time. It makes the blood rush to your cheeks, your face turning into a heating pack for the hands that move to cover them. You rarely allow yourself to get so intoxicated in public. So why’d it have to happen in near proximity of Jaemin, so you can mess up and spill your secrets?

There’s still a reward to claim, though. You were promised something, and you intend to get what you are owed as a last goodbye. Before Jaemin shifts his attention and forgets about you, as if you were a star in the sky dying and leaving nothing behind but dust. You can still feel his hands on you, the touch imprinted into skin and soul. Many boys had gripped you with the sole intent of using you to their own gain, but Jaemin had held you like you were the most valuable thing in his life. A treasure. A blessing. With just a few soothing words, this wolf had managed to fill the cracks in your heart with his appreciatiation. It’s not enough to make you believe in love, but it’s enough to finally return your bravery to you. So you can finally step over the edge and fall, to surrender to another person. Your heart is battered and bruised, but you’d give it to him without hesitation.

Life isn’t meant to be spent dreading everything. You’ll regret choosing pain over caution, but it’s better than rotting away alone. There is no way to look past all the beautiful things life has to offer. It gave you Jaemin, even if it was for a little while. In his smile, you see the honesty you’ve been craving all your life from other people. His touch makes you forget about the men who treated you like their servant and not the queen they were supposed to worship. When Jaemin listened, you remembered what it felt like to be taken seriously. It doesn’t matter if he’s going to reject you. Anyone who makes you realize your worth again is a person worth let in. So you slip out of bed and start searching for him.

You’re still owed a kiss.

The house is littered with plastic cups and empty bottles. A peek into the many rooms reveals sleeping pack members and girlfriends, and some friends scattered over the couches in the living room. You can’t find Jaemin anywhere, so you head to the kitchen. Maybe he’s already preparing breakfast?

Mark Lee is seated at the kitchen table.

He sits there, looking like he was waiting for you. Perhaps he was. He’s a supernatural creature, blessed with heightened senses and perfect hearing. Your little footsteps must have sounded like booming fireworks to him. The rumors made him out to be a scary person, and if he wasn’t looking at you with such a blank face, you’d be willing to overlook them and call him cute. But it’s not a boy staring you straight in the face; it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Mark doesn’t speak for a long time. His eyes wander over your appearance, your body still clad in the outfit from yesterday. The house had been too hot several moments ago, but now you feel like shuddering. Nothing is more terrifying than looking someone in the face and being aware of much they loathe you.

There’s no other explanation for the glare etched into his face. No other reason for him to despise you, even though this is the first time he ever saw you. He knows. Knows about the powers you carry in your blood, the very same ones someone else used to curse his girlfriend. The story is widely known, almost a myth, if it weren’t for the many people that watched her collapse straight into Mark’s arms as her veins turned black. A forbidden spell, and yet it was used in broad daylight.

Mark hums. It would’ve sounded nice, if it weren’t so ominous. “Jaemin’s gone to the bakery,” he says, voice cold and void of politeness. This man can’t stand the sight of you. Honestly, if you were in his place, you wouldn’t be able to either. “He told me about having a girl sleeping over. Someone he likes. Someone who’s been toying with his feelings.”

Your throat closes up. You don’t like where this is going.

He pushes away the empty cup he clutched, revealing the claws extending from the tips of his fingers. You try to remind yourself that he can’t control it, that he’s just angry. It’s hard to do when everything inside you screams for you to run away.

The table creaks loudly when Mark leans on it. You can see the sharp nails more clearly now, deadly to the touch. “He didn’t tell me it was a witch,” the wolf continues, as if he wasn’t aware of how much he’s scaring you. “Though that clearly explains why you’re breaking his heart and enjoying it. All you witches can do is destroy and demolish. Is that why you sent us the vampires? Even though you were fully aware they’d turn on you? Did that not matter to you, if it meant being rid of us wolves?”

“I don’t enjoy it,” you whisper. You know hearts can’t physically break, but your chest is hurting, and you’re afraid Mark is going to shatter you instead of Jaemin. This is what you get for believing other people over the person themselves. If only you had realized that Jaemin was serious; the amount of time he had spent on you, so unusual for a boy of his kind, his respectful behaviour, everything. “I didn’t mean to...”

“I don’t care!”

Mark has finally cast aside the cool exterior. Visibly fuming, he watches as you tremble because he had raised his voice. The wolf shakes his head, then his hands, tries to shake off the anger. Stop the transformation. He wouldn’t turn in his own kitchen, would he?

Maybe you should just let him shred you to pieces. It’s what you deserve for treating Jaemin like some boy without feelings. You feel terrible.

There’s a gaping ache growing just beneath your lungs, swallowing up your heart like a black hole. The feeling is excruciating, almost unbearable. You force yourself to bear it. You deserve it, you tell yourself. You deserve it. The words ring in your ears and in your entire body, making way for the hollow feeling that imprints itself inside you.

Mark never looks away. He gauges in your reaction, the dooming realization of the consequences to your actions. “Stay away from him,” he finally tells you. It’s the last nail driven into your coffin. Everything seems to fade away. “Stay away from that boy. He doesn’t deserve to have his heart broken by someone who’s never learnt to appreciate it. You know that. Spare him. Leave, and spare him.”

As a child, you had once swallowed a potion on accident. Your mother tended to leave all her cups and cauldrons everywhere, often forgetting that curiousity manifests itself in her daughter. The liquid had been thick and had burned, all the way down to your stomach, spreading through your body as the agony swallowed you up. Like someone biting away at your organs, ripping a big chunk out of your heart and paralyzing your tongue. You had been lucky the potion wasn’t deadly, only intended to torture, to coax the truth out of someone.

This is a fresh serve of that very potion. The memory is suddenly clear as day, every detail repeating in your mind. The same fire. The same torment. And you’ve ingested it on your own accords again. You never learn.

“Okay,” you say. It’s not you speaking, but it’s your voice, an odd out-of-body experience.

No one stops you as you walk out the house. You never look back.

— ❦ —

Magic in a way, is like poison.

It’s uncontrollable sometimes. When your senses are flooded with intense emotions, it splinters of your fingertips like the sparks of a fire, just as dangerous. It burns down villages and gives life to dead forests. The earth splits to obey it, raising the ocean and capturing the stars to bend to your will. It eats away at your energy every time you use it, sends you straight to the ground after a particularly powerful spell. No one ever taught you how to turn it into a cure. It doesn’t mend the wounds of your soul, only the superficial ones grazing your skin. Humanity does not need magic to save lifes. Medicine reaches out way further than magic does, tackles the problems more effectively. Scars fade away with time. Wounds close up. But your soul never recovers. It remembers everything, for now and eternity. It is going to replay the moment you abandoned Jaemin forever.

The ground is strangely comforting. You’ve been resting on it for a while now, even though your bed is right beside you. The cold is numbing, keeps you awake. Haunted by the many months Jaemin spent chasing after you, you stare at the ceiling and pray for karma to have mercy on you. How blind you were. Now that you’re given the sight, you’re not sure you want to keep it.

You spent many days counting the what if’s. What would’ve happened if you weren’t so stubborn, so gullible. You count them, once, twice, infinitely, then you repeat. Only the stars listen. They hear the secrets you whisper to them, the stories of your burden, and they guard that secret forever. It’s the only thing they can do for you.

When witches mourn, nature mourns with them. Eunbin watches as the weather starts to follow your lead. Thunderstorms darken the skies for days on end, the blighting thunder lighting up your face. She watches as flowers start to wilt at your touch, how your tears make the rain knock at your window like an old friend. You only let her in at night, when the moon watches over you both, heightened magic coursing through your veins. You’re always stronger at night. It’s a trait you passed on to your first creation, the werewolves. The very first curse you ever casted.

“All you witches can do is destroy and demolish.”

Mark is very right.

Eunbin moves to hold you close, but she could very well hold a desk plant. Or a lamp. You never stir in her hold, as motionless as an inanimate object. Once, you had helped her through a very similar phase. The world had come crashing down on Kwon Eunbin the day she lost Yeeun. Nature had suffered under her sorrow, flooding streets and cities as you had desperately tried to anchor Eunbin in the waves trying to drown her. In a sense, witches are very selfish.

She believes you’re anything but.

“(y/n),” she mumbles. The ground groans below her when she shifts her weight, the old wood barely doing its’ job. “Please talk to him.”

You laugh, but it’s void of emotion. Eunbin can’t recognize her best friend in that sound, the woman she considers a sister. You’re like a poltergeist, born out of heartbreak. “And break up the pack because of my stupid feelings?” You scoff. “Sure. Because I couldn’t possibly be more egoistic than that.”

“You’re suffering.”

“I feel like I’m dead, Eunbin.” It’s quiet for a very long time. You finally move, the life returning to your limbs. You twist and turn, clinging to her body like a toddler in need of affection. She graps that chance, embracing you tightly, her arms forming a cage. If that bothers you, you don’t complain. “Just dead. I can barely feel anything. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me - every second I spend thinking about us separated... It’s a vicious cycle. I can’t get any rest. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve been.”

Eunbin knows about the tales of the children of the moon. How the moon had turned away from the witches and gave her attention to the ones who needed it most, and she gifted the wolves with all her blessings. The promise of a life-changing love, returned in full. Two souls connected by fate. Kindred spirits finding their way back to each other.

But it couldn’t be. No, absolutely impossible.

Eunbin thinks about Yeeun. She thinks of a big, grey wolf, giving her life for Eunbin, fulfilling a promise untold. And she reconsiders.

Some people aren’t meant to be seperated. Eunbin wonders if a long time ago, someone had written your story into the stars, moonlight-tipped fingers connecting your soul to another. Destined to be with the boy with the unruly, blue hair.

It’s been sometime since she last visited the Dream frat. Maybe it was time to return.

— ❦ —

Never in your life has someone thrown stones at your window. You must admit, the experience is more scary than romantic, and you curse all the movies in existence that made you think this was cute. It’s almost embarrassing that some minerals knocking against glass is the reason you snap out of your trance, but you try and pin-point the blame on the fact that nobody’s ever done this before.

A stone flies past your cheek when you open the window. You almost scream.

“Oh my god, (y/n)! I’m so sorry!”

The voice is oddly familiar - and the instant remedy to your vicious cycle. All the sleepless nights melt away as you peak down and look Na Jaemin in the face, a big smile on his lips. Something inside your soul finally clicks and rests, never moving again. Not until something makes the boy below your window walk away. “What the hell?” you exclaim. “What are you doing here?”

Jaemin spreads his arms. “Giving you your reward, of course.”

Guilt pools in your stomach, almost as overwhelming as the happiness that floods you at the realization that he’s really here. Sweet Jaemin, with the honest eyes and heavenly smile. The one you hurt terribly... “Jaemin, you can’t be-“

“Move away from the window, baby,” he interrupts you. Irritated, you lean away; shouldn’t he be angry with you? Upset or disappointed? He’s not even listening to you, but it seems like there is no reason to. Something claws at your window, swinging in without fear.

Now, you really do scream. The rocks were one thing, but Jaemin climbing through your window? This apartment complex is huge, for god’s sake. Did he just scale the side of the building? “Jaemin!” you hiss. “What the hell...”

You never get to finish your sentence. The wolf boy tackles you, pushing you on your bed as he firmly embraces you and rests his head on your chest. Like he’s supposed to be there. Not like you’ve been avoiding him for weeks because Mark Lee was going to rip your head out if you even breathed in the direction of Jaemin. His arms are locked around your waist, holding you there. You’re effectively trapped.

You can’t complain.

Jaemin hums in content when you hug him back, and he eases his weight off of you so you can move and sling your legs around his waist. He nuzzles his face against your throat, breathing in deeply. “Missed this,” he mumbles. “Missed you.”

You let him tug your shirt up so he can rest his hands on your naked waist. It’s like giving him a gift - his eyes light up in giddiness when he finally touches you, feels the warmth of you below his fingertips again. A child seeing the presents on christmas morning. “Missed you, too.” You bite your lip. “But aren’t you mad?”

He ignores you for a very long time. Instead, the man between your legs bunches your shirt up and covers your stomach with his own hand, as if he can’t believe you’re actually there. Beneath his skin. Holding him close. You would’ve never realized that Na Jaemin would be in disbelief of a girl wanting him, but look at him now. Your heart soars at the admiration in his eyes, and they meet yours when your pulse speeds up. It makes a smirk adorn his lips; he’s satisfied with the effect he has on you. For a moment, he looks down again, to the place where your hands hold his against your body. “Did you know that your little witch friend can be really vocal?” he says, ignoring your question completely. Lips leave a trail of heat down your skin as Jaemin traces the outline of your jugular vein. “She looks fairly small, but you should’ve seen her when she scolded the hell out of Mark. Really funny, actually. Wish she would’ve done it sooner...”

“Eunbin?” you inquire, puzzled. “What would Eunbin want with Mark Lee?”

Jaemin stops leaving kisses on you, sadly. He raises his head to look at you, offering you a look right into his soul. You see where the moon had fallen in love with Jaemin, where the lines of human and wolf blurred. Memories that gather and bundle, a messy clutter of emotions. But beneath it all, you find the boy you’ve fallen in love with. In his eyes, you find salvation.

The blankets rustle when Jaemin moves on top of you. He shifts his weight, gripping your waist a little bit tighter to hold you closer. When your chests meet, your hearts start syncing up, shaping a melody of their own. A few moments pass as both Jaemin and you concentrate on it; concentrate on where love meets forgiveness.

It’s weird. When Jaemin had just been an unknown face, you never managed to read him. Now, he’s like an open book that he pulled out himself for you. Put it on your lap and asked you to read it to him, as if he doesn’t know what’s inside it. In your hands lies his heart. Does he know that he’s clutching yours? You hope so.

“Well, you see.” Jaemin presses a kiss to your cheek. “She came in really calmly, actually. Wanted to see me and confirm something. Renjun was about to call for me, but Mark interfered... she brought herself into a lot of danger, coming to our house when she’s a witch. She did it for you. Told Mark that I should talk to you, and he in turn told her it’s best if you stay several continents away from me... I broke his nose for that.”

“Jaemin!”

He shrugs. “Eunbin yelling at him was pretty nice, but not enough to settle my anger. You think I’m going to let him talk about my mate like that?”

This is it. The explanation you’ve been begging the stars for, the root of your vicious cycle. Your mouth falls open in shock. Jaemin watches, half amused, half expectant. Like he’s waiting for something. “You mean to tell me...”

“Yeah. Eunbin found that out. She came to ask me if it was true. It’s what Mark didn’t know, because I didn’t tell anybody except Jeno. You should’ve seen the look on Mark’s face...” Jaemin halts. Worry glazes over his eyes, and it takes you several seconds to understand that he’s worrying about you. “Baby, are you alright? You’re all pale. It’s alright if you reject me, don’t worry, as long as you’re hap...”

Jaemin is suprisingly easy to push down. Usually, you wouldn’t be able to pin down a wolf, but the shock gave you an advantage. Straddling him, you lean down and finally kiss Jaemin.

It’s the key to your cage. The funny tasting cure your mom brewed for the potion you accidentally drank. If sadness tastes like raspberry vodka and salty tears, happiness tastes like chapstick and chewing gum. It’s the only thing you register before Jaemin flips you over and kisses you breathless.

You had been shy, but Jaemin is ruthless. His canines tug at your lower lip, a silent order for you to obey and part your lips. If your fingers clawing at his shoulders hurts him, he certainly doesn’t mention it, too busy drowning in the overwhelming feeling of your tongue moving against his. When you finally push him away to catch your breath, the wolf feels like he got drunk off of you. “That’s one way to claim your prize,” he breathes out.

A long time ago, the moon had mercy on your poor soul. This is what had been waiting for you all your life, hidden in the looming shadows of the supernatural world. A soulmate, born to love and adore you. Destiny feels a little bit like contentment.

You can finally laugh as the wounds that had been inflicted on you heal over, making way for the only emperor of your heart. “This kiss isn’t the prize,” you reply. “You are.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 271: My Hero Tokodemia

Previously on BnHA: Mic was all “goodbye X-Less don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” and just LEFT him with Tomura, like. ???! X-Less was all “I’m gonna sit here and do nothing and wait to die.” Ujiko was all “this has nothing to do with ANYTHING but I just want you to know that I conspired to murder your husband 15 years ago and ended up killing his best friend instead!” Tomura was all “what up bitches I’m in this chapter too” and had trippy dreams about hands and buildings and his family was there and also All for One (the dude)! Because guess what, Tomura has All For One (the quirk) now! Because AFO gave it to him! So yeah! And now he’s waking up, and Deku can apparently feel it happening because he’s a horcrux probably, and so basically everything is FINALLY GOING TO SHIT AND IT’S ABOUT TIME BUT ALSO AHHHHH.

Today on BnHA: SHIGARAKI WHO TOMURA WHAT. Back to Gunga Mountain! So Dabi is all “you do know your beloved mentor just killed a guy right?” and Toko is all “!!” and Dabi is all “SO THAT MAKES HIM THE WORST CRIMINAL OF ALL!” and, WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF IRONY, IMMEDIATELY follows up this bold statement by TRYING TO BURN A CHILD ALIVE. Anyway so this is why Dabi wasn’t the keynote speaker at the “murder is bad” convention though. So most of the chapter is like this, with Dabi (albeit somewhat halfheartedly) trying to set Toko on fire while Toko desperately tries to keep between him and Hawks. Eventually though, Dabi is confusingly thwarted by Otter Pops, making his triumphant return and spraying a bunch of ice just every which way because things weren’t chaotic enough I guess! And then the chapter ends with everyone’s favorite Guy They Hoped Wouldn’t Be Waking Up In This Arc, Gigantomachia, waking up!! :’) :’) :’) etc you get it.

okay so I am please to clarify that the spoilers I received were not actually all that big of a deal, and that pretty much all I know is that we’re cutting back to Dabi and Tokoyami probably, and there’s a good chance we might not even see Tomura at all this chapter in spite of last week’s cliffhanger. so even if I’d have preferred not to know that up front, it’s all good! though I will say Horikoshi has a real knack for cutting away from things right when you’re at your most invested though. reminds me of what it was like reading Lord of the Rings for the first time. “nooo I don’t want to cut back to Frodo -- WAIT WHAT’S GOING ON -- NO I DON’T WANT TO CUT BACK TO MERRY AND PIPPIN DAMMIT -- WAIT WHAT”

anyways! lol guys guess what

so then! those spoilers did indeed have the ring of truth! well this should be interesting

lmao he’s forcibly clawing his way out of Fat’s belly via aggressive use of Dark Shadow oh damn

oh man you guys. time to catalog some feels

Fatgum you do realize you were in the running for #2 hero but have now bled serious points by letting a child run back into danger and doing absolutely nothing to stop him! although to be fair you do have other children to protect, and this one child also should not have been able to do what he just did! and also Child Endangerment is U.A.’s unofficial motto and you didn’t even go to U.A. but you would fit right in though let me tell you. but anyway so the point is this isn’t really anything new, but still

HIS BODY JUST MOVED BEFORE HE COULD THINK ahhhh Toko. THIS IS YOUR MOMENT!! THE MY HERO TOKODEMIA ARC BEGINS NOW

I hope we get a followup panel of Kaminari freaking out and trying to go after his pal (but not actually succeeding though, because I swear to god Fatgum, if you fuck this up again all of my remaining goodwill is just gonna fly right out the window. and it’s a lot of goodwill too! but we don’t screw around when it comes to children’s safety!!). just would be a nice touch! ah well if they don’t show it I’ll just headcanon it

last but not least, it’s also worth noting that while I love how brave and selfless and concerned for his mentor’s wellbeing Tokoyami is here, this was still an incredibly stupid move on his part! least of all because he actually had no idea that Hawks truly was in danger. is it weird to say he lucked out? “you’re so fortunate your teacher actually was being burned alive you reckless little goose!” but like, you know what I mean though right

anyway

-- oh they are showing it!!

YAY HE IS A GOOD BOY. THAT IS ALL. CARRY ON

Toko’s shouting over his shoulder that Hawks is “probably” in trouble. for fuck’s

I mean yeah, it’s probably just some gut instinct which funnily enough happens to be absolutely right. but I’m sorry you guys, there’s just this small part of me that just can’t get over the fact that he briefly saw Hawks flying for all of .2 seconds, and saw some flames, and just IMMEDIATELY leapt to the worst-case-scenario conclusion. you know what this is? it’s the decision-making process of a kid who is actually WAY more powerful than we’ve been giving him credit for. enough so that his self-preservation instincts don’t even kick in at all because it doesn’t even occur to him how dangerous of a move this is. goddammit Tokoyami. you kids think you’re all grown up now and ffff just please be safe

and okay, I’ll give Fatgum some benefit of the doubt for just letting that happen because apparently this is literally the first and only time

seems he didn’t even think it was possible up until now. so that’s fair

OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT FATGUM YOU ARE REDEEMED

THAT’S RIGHT!! YOU DON’T JUST UP AND LEAVE THE FATAXI WHENEVER YOU FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT. FARE DODGERS WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW!!

so he’s immediately following after him, but is smart enough not to put the other kids in danger! good split-second decision-making there. certain other people in this chapter could take notes! and of course my one fear now though is that the other three children will not listen to him at all, but you know what, let’s deal with one thing at a time

hmmm

dammit Horikoshi, what...?? you really like to toe the lines of what is and isn’t problematic huh? literally if you wanted to go for a cool barbarian look all you had to do was stick with the same kind of costume scheme you had going in the second and fourth popularity polls. but no, you had to go and give him a fucking war bonnet. was that one guy back in the Hero Killer arc not enough. at least this is only a cover page, sigh

also I see that Tokoyami was asked to name his own feature chapter. I’m just happy that he’s happy

would you fucking look at this

first of all, why is Dabi suddenly twenty feet away from them. and second, would you just look at how ridiculously intact Hawks fucking is. Dabi really was microwaving him on the defrost setting only huh

so now everyone’s just looking at each other. sizin’ each other up and stuff

yeah no shit it’s bad. you rushed in thinking you could somehow handle a situation which had even the second strongest guy on the ropes. and handle it alone, no less. lord help me why are the bravest ones also always the most stupid

EEP

HIS WINGS??? also his fucking BACK jesus christ. meaning he’s completely immobile for now at best, and probably soon to be in critical condition and going into shock if he isn’t already. okay so maybe it wasn’t just the defrost setting, fuck. Hawkssss 8|

oh???????

holy shit. an opportunity to actually find out how much of a bastard Dabi actually is?? we of course know he had no problem whatsoever with kidnapping a kid back in the day. but would he go so far as to seriously fight and/or try to kill one? a kid who’s no older than your little brother?? oh gosh oh golly oh intrigue

I literally have not made up my mind on Dabi redemption one way or the other, just to be clear (he’s just been too mysterious up till now and I feel like I don’t know enough), so I am super curious to see how this plays out so I can finally form an opinion!

OH SNAP

SCORE ONE FOR “HE MAY BE AN A-HOLE, BUT HE’S NOT, AND I QUOTE, 100% A DICK”? MAYBE?? but on the other hand he’s definitely not just gonna let Hawks go either so ahhhh???

(ETA: so it seems we’ve arrived at a solid “mildly bastardish!” idk. it definitely seems to me like he’s trying not to murder this teenager for no good reason. ironically he’s in much the same position here that Hawks was less than a dozen chapters ago; facing against someone who’s just trying to protect his friend, and trying to talk him down at first, but then attacking once it’s clear that he’s not going to back off. ah well. still as morally gray as ever.)

ah I see, we’re gonna start by shattering his naive illusions!

(ETA: fucking christ, the scan is so dark I didn’t even notice Twice’s charred corpse just LYING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND the first time I read this. and now that I have noticed it, I would just like to say, sincerely, what the fuck.)

welp, there it is. finally the kids are getting properly involved in this arc, and AS EXPECTED, they are promptly being traumatized. oh Toko ;_;

Dabi this speech you’re making would feel more original if literal scores of tumblrs hadn’t spent the last two months exhaustively analyzing every single last possible angle of this debate lol. everyone has already made up their minds on the “is Hawks worth saving” controversy one way or the other but okay sure, go ahead and throw your hat into the ring too

lmao whaaaaaaat. “as a last resort, after his attempts to take him peacefully were thwarted, Hawks killed a man so as to prevent that man from killing countless others during our coup to take over the country because our boss wants to destroy everything. clearly, Hawks is the worst out of everyone else involved in this equation!” now that! is a take! lol

OH NO OH GOD

“PEW PEW PEW ENJOY THOSE FEELS” HORIKOSHI WHOOPS WHILE SHOOTING LASER GUN FINGERS AT ME, AND HEY, NOW

HEY, I SAID!!!

WHAT THE FUCK -- WHAT EVEN IS THE FUCKING SCREENPLAY FOR THIS THING?? “A BARELY-CONSCIOUS HAWKS MURMURS HIS STUDENT’S NAME WITH AN ACHINGLY WEARY LOOK OF SHAME AND REGRET! AS DABI LOOKS ON, TOKOYAMI GENTLY LIFTS HIS FALLEN MASTER AND WRAPS HIS CAPE AROUND HIS BACK, LOOKING OVERWHELMED, BUT DETERMINED. TOKOYAMI: I’M JUST... CONCERNED FOR MY TEACHER.” who the fuck wrote this shit and how much pleasure were they taking in ripping my heart out and violently slamming it against the wall

sob, and unfortunately Dabi doesn’t look particularly moved himself by any of this

DAMMIT DABI PLEASE RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME. GO AWAY AND HAVE YOUR REVENGE SOME OTHER DAY GODDAMMIT

DABI!!

Dabi I swear to god!! if you seriously try and burn my gothbird son I will...

DABI WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING SAY. LEAVE THE KID ALONE

Tokoyami... sweetie...

IF ONLY YOU COULD JUST. fly back out?? the exact same way you came??? if only that was a thing you could do??? or can he not fly while he’s carrying another person, maybe? dammit I forget

?!

wait what?? is he implying that Dabi isn’t seriously trying to kill them yet? is that what this is? I should just read on since this is clearly only the first part of something longer that he’s saying and I have to stop this bad habit of trying to analyze half a sentence before I go on and read the rest of the sentence

well whatever it is, he’s absolutely right; Dabi as it turns out is still standing there 25 feet away like a social distance champ, monologuing from afar

this panel gets more hilarious to me the longer I stare at it you guys. someone please make a comic where Hawks is all “he’s still talking...” and Toko looks to see Dabi RAMBLING ON and slowly inches further and further away while Dabi completely fails to take any notice lmao

so Tokoyami is just staring back, and then suddenly he’s all “orders from Hawks!” which I think is just him asking Hawks what to do now??

and fucking look at this lol

“just slowly inch away while he’s monologuing. I just found out he’s secretly a Todoroki so now I know his weakness: he will literally drop dead before he ever stops being dramatic”

OH MY GOD

ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS ISN’T A JOKE AND THAT’S HIS ACTUAL WEAKNESS LMAO. HAVE WE CROSSED PLANES INTO SOME KIND OF SATIRICAL REALITY. WHAT IS HAPPENING

LMAO OKAY NO HAWKS IS SAYING THAT DABI IS JUST BULLSHITTING THEM BECAUSE HE’S USED UP ALL HIS FLAMES OR SOME SHIT. LOL OKAY THEN. ALL I HEARD WAS “HE WASN’T ABLE TO FUCKING KILL ME BECAUSE HE NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UP.” WHERE IS THE LIE

OH SNAP THERE HE GOES

he is running away in the background, right?? Dark Shadow is just a distraction? you better not be seriously trying to fight him oh god please be smart about this

okay yes good!!

bringing back some unpleasant memories of the last guy who took a tumble off this balcony, but whatever! I’m sure he’s got some kind of plan in mind here

yep okay so he’s using Dark Shadow as a bungee cord

Hawks is so fucking short he somehow looks the same size as this little bird hobbit who’s carrying him. this is just a battle of tiny, tiny people

OH MY GOD FUCKING OUCH OH GEEZ

I FELT THAT OH MY GOD

AND OF FUCKING COURSE THAT KO’D HAWKS FOR GOOD, BECAUSE HE NO LONGER HAS A FUCKING BACK, AND HE JUST TARZANED OFF A BALCONY AND TOKOYAMI LANDED RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM JESUS CHRIST. R.I.P.

TOKO IS ALL “HE MUST HAVE BLACKED OUT FROM THE IMPACT JUST NOW” AND YEAH, YOU THINK?? WOULDN’T YOU?? FUCK

OH MY GOD HE’S PICKING HIM UP AND HE’S SO FUCKING TINY OH GOD OH JESUS

STOP BEING DRAMATIC AND JUST CARRY HIM OUT OF THERE ALREADY CAN WE GET A MOVE ON PLEASE? YOU’RE DOING SO GOOD BUDDY AND I’M SO PROUD, BUT ALSO THE REST OF THE LEAGUE IS STILL OUT THERE AND NOTHING IS SAFE AND AHHHH

-- AND ALSO THIS GUY STILL!!

no doubt. no doubt whatsoever the blood that runs through those veins. the theatrics are more of a dna marker than the flame quirk could ever be

also!! ARE WE SURE HAWKS IS ACTUALLY TWENTY-THREE?? COULDN’T THE HPSC HAVE FORGED HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE?? THIS IS A BABY PROVE ME WRONG??

anyway so since Dabi is now saying “joke’s on you, I can still use my flames whenever the fuck I want,” I’m going to take this as confirmation that he really was keeping his distance just so he could utilize forced perspective. I’m going to make a post about this as soon as I’m done reading lol

HORIKOSHI WILL YOU PLEASE STOP WITH THE ENDLESS CLOSE-UPS OF A FRIGHTENED TOKOYAMI CLINGING TO HIS UNCONSCIOUS MENTOR SCARED BUT READY TO PROTECT HIM WITH HIS LIFE I REALLY CAN’T???

DABI’S REALLY OUT HERE TRYING TO BURN THESE LITTLE BABY CHICKS ALIVE. WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING CHILL MY DUDE

OH MY GOD

SOME KIND OF CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED AHHHH WHO

AHHH MT. LADY?!

(ETA: ngl, I’m still not sure how I feel about this sequence of panels but I did laugh good and hard though.)

-- holy shit that was ice??! oh lord don’t tell me

yeppp, looks like it’s our old buddy Dairy Queen back at it again

look... Geten?? is it?? nothing against you personally. but I have a deep-seeded and enduring dislike of everyone from the Meta Liberation Army still and that includes you pal

that being said, did you inadvertently save Tokoyami’s life, though? I originally thought those were just ~anime shockwaves~ from some off-screen attack, but if that was all actually ice, it looks like you might have cut Dabi off. which I approve of! but also that’s some serious friendly fire you tomfool

so he’s yelling that he’s disrupted the heroes’ siege, which it looks like he has! very sloppily, but still

and also, way to have both of your fire users currently 80km away, hero team! you knew Geten was here, no?? who even planned this

now this Bleach-looking dude is sneaking up on Gang Orca with what looks to be a hole-punching quirk which is freaking me out a bit ngl

Gang please take him out with your famous yeet as soon as possible, I don’t know if I can handle a prolonged fight against this particular quirk

YES TOKO GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

there is no fucking way this kid is anywhere near his twenties incidentally I might add. none at all. we’ve been had

NO STOP FEELS

HE’S CRYING JESUS CHRIST HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO DIE AND HIS TEACHER IS HURT AND DYING MAYBE AND THE VILLAIN SAID HE KILLED SOMEONE AND HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER, HE STILL WANTS TO PROTECT HIM AND HE’S JUST A BABY TOO?! IT’S TOO MUCH??

AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SURPRISED OR SHOCKED BY ANY OF THIS AT ALL?? LISTEN UP EVERYONE, YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND INSIDE OF THIS BAG IN THE FRIDGE WHICH WAS LABELED “CHILD SOLDIERS LIFE-OR-DEATH BATTLE ARC.” THE CONTENTS OF THIS BAG... MAY SHOCK YOU

lmao yeah but GUESS WHAT! I’M STILL GONNA GET ALL WORKED UP OVER IT AND I’M EVEN GONNA LIKE IT! but also. my babiesss

oh for fuck’s sake this guy still??

okay so I’ve already scrolled down enough to see the very top of the last page after this, and I’m pretty sure that’s Gigantomachia’s hair lol. please don’t tell me the radio is still on and he heard Tomura’s voice oh fiddlefucks

YEP

:’)

welp. strap yourselves in, chums. 19 chapters in, and this arc is only just beginning

[currantlee]

My issues with Blake’s Atlas outfit

Blake Belladonna is an ambush fighter who will avoid unnecessary combat and prefer to surprise or even backstab her opponents rather than picking an open fight. She is highly mobile, fast and can use the power of her Semblance, Shadow Clone, to make immobile copies of herself in order to distract or deceive her opponents. Her clones can be modified with dust to have different attributes, for example ice dust may be used in order to create a clone made of ice. Blake also excels at stealth and infiltrating enemy territory.

I’m focusing so much on her fighting style and her abilities because fights are an important part of RWBY. Let’s not forget that according to the fanbase, the fights speak for themselves!

However, so does character design. And if I were to show you this particular character design without you having watched the show – would you believe me that this is the same character I just described to you?

If you did,then you’re probably different than me and this character design actually makes sense to you – which isn’t a bad thing. However, it doesn’t make sense to me, not for a character like Blake and not for an environment like Solitas.

I have a love-hate relationship with RWBY. On the one hand I love the show because there are so many wonderful concepts and ideas in that show (even those seem to be borrowed from other media without an actual understanding on how the concept works most of the time). And on the other hand I hate it because it almost never uses the concepts and ideas to their full potential and prefers to do a lot of very bad fanservice instead.

That being said, I want to make very clear that everything in this post is my opinion and my perspective. I obviously dislike this character design, however, my opinion is not a universal one. If you like this design, that’s great!

Please do also keep in mind that I’m almost entirely self-taught when it comes to this topic and my primary approach when designing characters myself is practicality. This approach obviously doesn’t apply universally and it is certainly not the only way to approach designing a character.

My initial reaction to Blake’s new design

I’m not going to lie: my first reaction when I saw the V7 Artwork for Blake was: “What is this?” Not a purely negative way because there are actually elements I like, but still, the design didn’t make sense to me from the get-go, which isn’t a good thing in my opinion.

To the design’s credit, I did recognize Blake (mainly due to knowing it’s from RWBY and her cat ears) and not just because someone told me that it’s Blake. I obviously had a lot of problems with this design immediately after the reveal despite this.

Also, and I’m just going to mention this really quickly: when a few friends and I discussed the new designs shortly after the reveal, we all could agree somewhat that this design seems to be a somewhat fetishized version of Blake, despite the fact that she isn’t showing much skin. This is especially unfortunate because Blake is essentially a catgirl. You know, that type of character design which commonly tends to be fetishized. I won’t go into further detail with this however as the topic makes me personally uncomfortable.

With that right out of the way, let’s get into the actual analysis.

The Character of Blake Belladonna

To understand why I think that this character design is very mediocre at best in my opinion, I think that I should explain who I think Blake Belladonna is as a character – and not just her fighting style, which I have already described in the opening.

To be honest... It’s hard for me to characterize her. And not because she doesn’t do or talk much, but because RWBY is incredibly inconsistent with characterization, specifically when it comes to Blake (seriously, I think only RWBY can have an anti-violence character murder somebody and then jump back to the character being against violence... Without any development in between). So, I’m just going back to the Black Trailer and the first episodes of RWBY Volume 1 in order to get an idea of what she was originally like.

The first time we see Blake is in the Black Trailer, in which she ambushes a train together with a mysterious guy (a.k.a. Adam Taurus), only to leave him behind on the train at the end of the trailer after this vocal exchange:

Blake: What about the crew members [of the train]? Adam: What about them?

This established Blake as a character who, despite the violent nature of her actions, cares about others and their lives. It also shrouded her in mystery: we wanted to know why she left that guy behind. We also get a glimpse on Blake’s sass in the trailer when she tells Adam to “[not] be so dramatic”.

The first time we see Blake in the show itself is in RWBY Volume 1, Chapter 2: The Shining Beacon (Part 1), where she confronts Weiss Schnee after Ruby Rose accidentally knocked over her baggage. Note that in this scene, Blake is fairly sassy, just like she was in the Black Trailer:

Ruby: Hey, I said I was sorry, princess! Blake: It’s “heiress”, actually. Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, one of the largest producers of energy compellants in the world. Weiss: Finally! Some Recognition! Blake: The same company infamous for it’s controversial labour forces and questionable business partners.

Let me say this again: Blake is – once again – being sassy here. And the reason I want to stress this so much is because Blake is often described as shy or anti-social because she prefers to be alone, which I don’t really agree with – my approach is that she is more of an introvert, who only interacts when she wants to (which fits her cat theme very well in my opinion), something that is established within that scene.

Aside from that, the scene establishes that Blake is usually well-informed and has a strong sense of justice, which is a very important part of her character as well. She is also not afraid to speak out against injustice when she sees it.

Finally, we have the scene that is most often used in order to describe Blake as an introvert: the scene in RWBY Volume 1 Chapter 3: The Shining Beacon (Part 2), in which Ruby thanks her for coming to her help when Weiss was scolding her earlier on and the two start to have a conversation about books. Blake is established as a book lover and more of a quiet and calm person in this scene.

It should be mentioned that the scene is used to contrast Blake with the other members of the main cast: Ruby is too shy to talk to Blake at first (which is something you can’t say about Blake, because she doesn’t seem uncomfortable with the situation, but more like she doesn’t want to talk and continue reading), Yang’s flashy personality contrasts Blake’s calmness and Weiss’ egoism contrasts Blake’s display of maturity.

We later learn why Blake prefers to be alone: over the course of the first four volumes, we learn that Adam was in fact Blake’s boyfriend and that they were members of an organization that turned into terrorists (after Blake left) together. Blake ran away because she did not want to hurt people and enrolled at Beacon Academy to become a Huntress instead in order make up for the bad things she supposedly did during her time with the White Fang (again, Blake has a strong sense of justice). After Blake’s friend Sun Wukong is injured by Ilia Amitola at the end of Volume 4, the two have an emotional conversation in Chapter 11: Taking Control:

Blake: This is why I left them all behind. Sun: What are you... Wait. Where am I? Blake: I am done seeing my friends hurt because of me!

She becomes very emotional in this scene, to the point where she seemingly doesn’t care that Sun is hurt, which is something you rarely see happening with Blake. This emphasizes how important her friends’ safety is to her. Also, if you think about it, Blake’s worries aren’t empty fears. She was part of a terrorist organization – and they’ll likely not let her go just like that. In fact, the White Fang tries to assassinate her entire family in Volume 5. So yeah, her worries are far from unjustified.

It should also be mentioned that Blake alludes to Belle from Beauty and the Beast, specifically the Disney version.

All in all, Blake is a character, who...

... (deeply) cares about others and their lives, even when those people are her enemies. This holds true especially for her friends.

... has a strong sense of justice.

... usually displays a calm and mature demanor.

... often approaches things very rationally and will only become very emotional in rare instances.

... usually chooses to be alone / not interact with others unless she wants to.

In addition, when it comes to fighting, Blake is a character who...

... generally avoids violence and especially open fights when she can (even though she is capable of handling an open fight as long as she is with at least one teammate).

... is intelligent, usually well-informed and capable to use this to her advantage.

... is not a heavy hitter and instead relies on her speed and mobility, especially in the air.

... can be quite stealthy and deceptive.

... is capable of using multiple weapon types and dual-wielding blades.

This, to me, makes clear that Blake was likely supposed to be a ninja / assassin type of character with elements of an illusionist (mainly due to her Semblance). This would mean that she relies on the element of surprise, creativity when it comes to taking her opponent down (which she needs to do fast or she will lose the fight) and escaping, staying hidden for extended periods of time, and finally: information.

So now that we know who Blake actually is (or rather, what she was likely supposed to be), we can talk about...

So what about her Atlas design?

General Stuff

Where am I supposed to look? Someone please tell me where I am supposed to look here because I don’t know!

There is way too much stuff without any kind of orientation going on with this design, which is a general issue with the newer RWBY designs in my opinion. However, the Mistral designs did at least have some sort of focal point, something that immediately caught the eye of the viewer.

I struggle with this a lot myself, but usually you want to have a focal point in any picture - including a character design – and ideally guide the viewer’s gaze from there. In character design, the focal point is often a character’s hair or face, because as the characters may change their outfits over the course of a series, they can’t change their face (and usually won’t change their hair too much). In other words: focal points in character designs are often the elements that make a character recognizable.

An example of this is Tsukino Usagi a.k.a. Sailor Moon with her iconic bunnytails (it are buns. Falling into pigtails. Bunnytails! Which is fitting because her name means moon bunny). Not only do they immediately draw your attention because it is a very unusual hairstyle, but the loose part also guides your view from her face to her actual outfit. It’s also an iconic element that remains mostly unchanged throughout her various different character designs over the course of the series.

Blake’s visual signifier, the thing that makes her identifiable immediately and distinguishes her from other characters looking similar to her (e.g. Cinder Fall) is the fact that she always has something on her head. In the early Volumes this used to be a bow, in the newer Volumes it’s her cat ears. However, those do not function as a focal point in this design (or honestly – at all). Which by itself is not an inheritly bad thing (even though Blake’s design admittedly doesn’t stand out much due to the lack of a distinct, outstanding element that makes her instantly recognizable and the fact that there are so many characters with a similar design to hers).

The problem with this is that there is no other focal point. As I stated previously, there is just too much going on in the design. The cat ears are about the last thing I’m looking at, and my gaze is not lingering on them for a while. This is partly because they’re just not a very intriguing element and partly because there is too much other, potentially more interesting.

Another thing about this is Gambol Shroud. Now, I will say this, I have issues with the reforged Gambol Shroud. However, incorporating the original Gambol Shroud into the artwork rather than the reforged version (even if it had been reforged in a different way than just adding yellow superglue) was a good choice on Ein Lee’s part – and just not because it avoided giving spoilers to the audience. The cat ears are just not enough to identify Blake immediately (just going by the design), especially because they’re already rather subtle in a design that isn’t as overloaded as this one and there were so many things that were changed about her character design for Atlas, mainly her hair.

Gambol Shroud takes up more space than the ears, and especially the ribbon is interesting, so the viewer’s gaze is more likely to linger on that for a while. That’s why I think that this was a really good choice.

That being said, let’s talk about Blake’s other visual signifiers, which are...

Blake’s hair and the color black

A big part of RWBY’s design philosophy is that every character has their design, name and even traits centered around one color. In case of Blake, her color is black, meaning that it should ideally be the most present color in her outfits.

Blake’s hair is also black and speaking of it... Many shows are afraid to change the characters hairstyles. Not only is hair something that’s really personal (in real life too! Which is why hairstyle changes, especially drastic ones like cuts, are often interpreted as indicators of a huge change in someone’s personality or life), but hairstyles, especially in anime, manga or similar media, can become really iconic. Just think of Son Goku’s spiky tower or, again, Sailor Moon’s bunnytails.

I will say though that Blake’s hair, before the change, was admittedly fairly simple, if not even boring, and too similar to Yang’s hair in my opinion. That is why I really welcome this change to be honest. However, I wish they would have kept Blake’s curls because I actually really liked those, and I think an updo would have been cooler than a bob.

Another minor nitpick I have is that the bob makes her look slightly younger in my opinion, which is a common problem with short hair as it tends to emphasize the face. This is why if someone has a fairly round face, short hair can make them look younger. This especialy applies to anime as most figures tend to have round faces. However, I also want to mention that due to Blake’s unique, cat-like eye shape, this problem is not as prominent as it would be with other characters (like Yang).

Then again, Blake just went through an life-changing event (she murdered her former abuser and yes, I’m acknowledging it despite the fact that I really didn’t like the entire storyline, it felt like such a waste to me). So a haircut is definitely not out of place.

Back to black though...

This design doesn’t exactly lack the color, but it doesn’t bring it out that well either. The mostly white coat (which is ironically my favorite piece in this design) takes up much space in the design. It’s just... White is generally not considered a heavy color, but I’d say in this case it is. It is too heavy for a design with a primary color that is dark.

And with that, I’m jumping to...

The Penguin Coat 

I already said that the coat is my favorite piece in this design... Also, yes, I call it a penguin coat because it reminds me on cute little penguins for some reason... So props to the coat for reminding me on cute little penguins I guess. May I mention that this actually fits with the fact that the main characters are in a rather cold climate in RWBY Volume 7? You know, since most penguin species live in cold climates... But let’s move on from the penguins.

The flaps are likely a callback to Blake’s original design, which had those funny flaps that reminded a bit of classic illusionist outfits - it also reminds me personally on some of Zatanna’s outfits (from DC Comics). And guess what, this actually makes a lot of sense considering that Blake’s Semblance is essentially creating illusions (of herself).

Coats are also often used to make characters look more mysterious. The first use of this was in one of Akira Kurosawa’s movies, which are considered some of the most influental of all time and you should definitely go watch some of these because they’re awesome. Two other popular franchises using long coats for mysterious characters are The Matrix (with Switch wearing a white coat like Blake does) and Kingdom Hearts. So it is fitting for a character like Blake.

I know a lot of people do not like Blake wearing white coats. However, I disagree. First of all, Blake has ties with the White Fang (yes, the story arc was dropped but just because it was it doesn’t mean it never existed) and second of all, they are in a snowy area. Meaning that the coat has the same color as the environment. So it makes sense, at least it does to me.

A detail I really, really love is the black patch on the back of the coat, specifically because it creates the illusion that Blake is moving differently than she actually does. While this makes things a bit harder for the viewer indeed, it fits Blake’s theme of an illusionist / ninja crossover really, really well.

All of this being said, it should not be left unmentioned that logically spoken a coat like this restricts your mobility. Especially the flaps are constantly going to be in the way. Which is why I think that the flaps could honestly have been shorter (which would possibly have taken away the “long coat” element though). I think there isn’t really a “better” or “worse” here, so this is a very minor nitpick.

All of this being said, giving Blake a coat is not a bad idea to be honest. It protects her from the cold, it is commonly used to add some element of mystery to a character’s design and the flaps are not only a callback to Blake’s original outfit, but also a clever nod to her illusion powers.

That being said... Let’s move on to the two longest and silmoutanously most annoying sections of this post. Yes, we’re finally moving on to the worst, yet most interesting, elements about this design!

The Belts

First of all, the collar belt is absolutely unnecessary and no, we didn’t need a reference to Yang’s tryhard Mistral outfit here, at least in my opinion.

The backpack belts aren’t bothering me to be honest. They don’t feel disrupting and even though they obviously don’t have a function as well (because no, this is not how you tighten backpack straps), they add some nice detail to the straps and most of all: they are part of an element of this outfit, not a standalone element.

Let’s move on to the hip belt. That is actually a belt a really like, because it holds those pouches while fulfilling a decorative function at the same time. The belt hangs loose on Blake’s hips, which looks good (especially with Blake’s hourglass-shaped body) and contrasts the rest of her more skin-tight outfit. I also really like the idea of Blake having some sort of Batbelt (you know, the equipment belts the Bat Family usually wears in the DC comics), especially because she is a ninja / illusionist. Both usually have a lot of equipment (compared to other fighters / performers) in real life. My only nitpick would be that the belt hanging loosely on her hips could get in the way during fighting - but then again, it also looks really cool, so 9/10.

But now, let’s finally address my biggest belt issue in this design: the wristbelts.

I just don’t see a (reasonable) function with these – in fact, they are the most impractical thing about this design in my opinion – and they don’t even look cool. They just... I think they look weird, uncomfortable and just really out of place.

Some could argue that they have protection purposes. However, I am going to debunk that quickly because in fact, wearing something like that is actually very dangerous in combat. You see, belts usually have a buckle, right? Same with Blake’s wristbelts. Belt buckles are hard – if somebody hits the buckle in battle, her wrist could easily break from that

And yes, I know there is aura. However, aura can’t fix the fact that the belts are so broad that they limit Blake’s ability to move her wrists – which is important for someone who fights with swords and swings around with a ribbon a lot.

I also want to add that character designs should ideally work without the viewer knowing about in-universe logic (like aura). Simply because our brain is automatically, whether we know in-universe logic or not, going to assume that the logic applying to the design is the same logic that applies to our everyday life. Therefore, any element that doesn’t make at least some sense with real-world logic applied will feel weird, even if the viewer starts thinking about a justification with in-universe logic (which they have to do actively, while the real-worl logic assumption happens unconsciously and automatically).

It should also be mentioned that wristbelts as a concept per se aren’t automatically bad – there are instances in which they can work. Now, before I get into this, something needs to be brought up again: the CRWBY (meaning the people behind RWBY) borrows a lot of concepts from anime and video games, JRPGs in particular. However, they usually do so without understanding what makes those concepts work in the original. There is a great video by hbomberguy on YouTube that explains this in detail (I recommend the section Anime Homework in particular if you don’t want to watch a 2-hour-long video essay).

With the new character designs for RWBY Volume 7, a lot of people (including myself) have noticed that the concepts the show seems to be borrowing this time are concepts that are often found in Tetsuya Nomura’s character designs, particularly the Kingdom Hearts ones. Heck, a lot of people have pointed out that Nora Valkyrie’s new dress reminds them on Kairi’s dress from Kingdom Hearts II and Jaune got nicknamed Jauntus / Jaunxas for his new haircut (which reminded several people on Ventus and Roxas from the Kingdom Hearts franchise).

Saying that Nomura’s character designs might have inspired RWBY’s character designs isn’t a far stretch either: the new designs for the four main girls were designed by Ein Lee, who was known for her Kingdom Hearts fanart back in the day, before she started working on RWBY. So we know that she definitely knows this series and has, to some extent, analyzed the character designs - because she has drawn these characters herself. And even though blogpost by Kerry Shawcross about the redesign process confirms that Ein Lee wasn’t the only one in charge with those character designs, she was still the one who did the main bulk of work when it came to the new designs of the four main girls.

Let me clarify this: I don’t think that it’s an inheritly bad thing to take inspiration from something. Heck, Kingdom Hearts itself takes a lot of inspiration from other media! So the plain borrowing of concepts is not the problem here in my opinion. The problem is that the CRWBY obviously don’t understand what makes the concepts they’re borrowing work in the original.

Whenever you take inspiration from something, especially when borrowing concepts – like the concept of wristbelts in this example – , you should always, always make sure to understand those concepts and what makes them work at least to some extent. And while I believe that it is not possible to understand a concept or an idea to 100% – except for the person who originally came up with it – it is possible to get a good enough understanding to make the same concept work in another place. Does it have to work in the exact same way? No, and it likely won’t because if you re-use an existing concept, you’ll likely add your own ideas to it. That’s the interesting thing about inspiration (and also any kind of fanwork by the way).

So yeah, taking inspiration isn’t forbidden, even when it is so obvious where you got it from that the entire FNDM starts joking about Tetsuya Nomura having invaded RT (which... Quite honestly, I find that joke funny). However, when taking inspiration, you should also be aware that if two things are very similar, whether that’s intended or not, people are going to compare, whether you like it or not.

That being said – let’s compare, shall we?

So, here we have the character design of Sora (for those of you who don’t know Kingdom Hearts, he is the protagonist of the series and fights with a sword-like weapon, similar do how Blake does) from Kingdom Hearts III, and next to it, a 3D render of Blake in her Atlas character design from RWBY Volume 8. I picked a 3D render because I feel like it is fairer and Volume 8 gave us updated models for pretty much every single character (which was absolutely necessary because nobody looked good in Volume 7). I mean... They fixed Blake’s terrible hair halfway through Volume 7, which is something they usually don’t do, because so many people rightfully complained about it. Anyways...

Now, I don’t know what you think, but I have to say that with Sora’s wristbelts many of the problems with Blake’s wristbelts do not exist or are not as prominent. One of them is that in this case, the belts do not lack a function: I can immediately see what they’re for.

Sora wears those rather loose bracers in KH3 (which make sense since he fights with what is essentially a sword). The bracers are loose because Sora is rather scrawny and the bracers make him appear a little broader than he actually is. This is important for silhouette purposes since without the bracers, Sora’s silhouette would look fairly similar to the silhouette of another character in the same game – not absolutely undistinguishable, but this still makes it a bit easier to differentiate between the two characters.

Back to the wristbelts though: without these, the bracers would eventually fall off or constantly be in the wrong place. It should also be mentioned that Sora’s wristbelts are not even half as wide as Blake’s are, meaning that they don’t restrict the movement of his wrists as much as Blake’s do.

On top of all this functional stuff, they add a nice spot of yellow to the bracers, which not only does make the bracers look more interesting, but serves two purposes:

Designwise: the only other place where you have yellow are Sora’s shoes. If it weren’t for the wristbelts, the addition of the color would seem very random – and if there wasn’t any yellow, the design would look way more boring. However, there is another reason for the yellow.

Gameplay: Kingdom Hearts III is an Action RPG and Sora is the protagonist. Meaning that he is the playable character for most of the game. Since it’s an Action RPG, it involves fighting, which can be really chaotic. That’s where the yellow comes into play: you need to know the position of Sora’s hands and feet in order to have precise control. Yellow is a signal color (meaning that it is very bright) and the yellow Sora wears is also very saturated, meaning that it is unlikely that it appears anywhere else in a frame (even though it’s Kingdom Hearts and thus really colorful).

And yes, Blake’s wristbelts could indeed have a similar function. However, I personally feel that it doesn’t work since black is her primary color, meaning your eye is not immediately drawn to her wrists (even though the belts are a contrast against the white of Blake’s coat). Black also isn’t a signal color, so if that is what they were going for, they should have gone for an electric purple, a bright red or yellow instead.

For fairness’ sake, here is a nitpick about Sora’s wristbelts as well: the placement of the belt buckles. Because the way they are placed, the are an additional risk for injury. While replacing the wristbelt with velcro would certainly be the best option in regards to safety here, I also acknowledge that a wristbelt simply looks a bit better. That being said, to minimize the risk of injury, the buckle should be placed on the inside of the arm, next to the palm. That’s the spot where it is the least likely to get hit and cause (or worsen) an injury.

Blake’s wristbelts have the same dangerous buckle placement (which doesn’t make this any better) and are, as I have already said, pretty much non-functional. They’re unnecessary, obstructing and the only reason why they are there is because someone thought it would look cool (which... No, it doesn’t, it just looks weird).

And before someone says something about Blake’s wristbelts holding the sleeves of her coat together when the sleeve zippers are opened: why are the sleeve zippers even open? They’re at Atlas. It’s supposed to be freezingly cold! Why does she have her sleeve zippers open? It makes absolutely no sense!

The Zippers

Speaking of the zippers: why are there so many zippers in the first place?

Again, most of those zippers are not functional. Somewhat of an exception is the long zipper on Blake’s coat, which... Ein Lee herself has admitted that she shouldn’t have designed it to go all the way down because the coat is not meant to be zipped all the way down (Ein Lee, seriously... What were you thinking designing this?). So it’s basically only half-functional.

What is worst about this is that the one zipper that should be there – a front zipper for the catsuit – is not there. In other words: Ein Lee should have swapped the long coat zipper for a longer chest zipper on the catsuit. Yes, there might be a back zipper hidden underneath the coat for Blake to get out of the catsuit. But imagine the pain of opening a back zipper every time you want to pee. Which I can tell you is a pain, even if you’re more flexible than me. Therefore, a chest zipper would be way more practical (and there are ways to prevent it from accidentally zipping open, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

The rest clearly don’t serve the purpose of getting in and out of the catsuit or coat. The only purpose they could theoretically serve is ventilation.

Let me stress this: Atlas and Mantle are located on Solitas, a continent that is essentially the North Pole. It is really cold (according to Weiss in RWBY Volume 7 Chapter 3: Ace Operatives the cold of Solitas can kill you in a matter of hours without protection or aura). Even with moving around a lot, ventilation is not needed, especially not with outfits like these. I mean... They don’t look very warm to be honest. If there were thick jackets, fur and just more stuff that implies that these clothes are easy to overheat in, then yes, we could discuss about ventilation zippers. But like this? No. At least not with me.

And I’m not going to discuss aura now because of the stuff about real-world logic I already explained in the section about the belts. Also, quite frankly, aura as a concept is a mess of its own and another thing the writers can’t seem to keep consitant, but: if aura can protect you from extreme cold, shouldn’t it be able to protect you from overheating as well? Shouldn’t you rather wear warm clothing because if you run out of aura, you’re going to freeze if you don’t? It won’t hurt you because as long as your aura is up, you’re not going to overheat.

So yeah. Even with in-universe logic applied, there is no point why there should be so many zippers. The risk of overheating is technically nonexistent, so you can’t use “they’re fighting all the time, they could overheat if their clothing is too warm” as an argument.

That leaves the option that the zippers are meant to be a decorative element. Now, I will say that this can work - however, it doesn’t work in this case for multiple reasons.

First of all, if they are purely decorative, then why are the sleeve zippers open all the way? That implies a function, which, as I have established, is nonexistent because no ventilation is needed with and without in-universe logic applied. That leaves the sleeve zippers to be unnecessary because they fulfill neither a decorative nor a functional function within the character design.

Secondly, the zippers, especially the leg zippers, are obstructing Blake’s movements – again. Yeah, we already had this with the wristbelts. Logically spoken, a skin-tight catsuit like Blake is wearing needs to have a lot of stretch in order for the wearer to move properly, especially in the leg area. However, a zipper doesn’t have stretch, it’s static. And because it has to be sewn into the fabric, it also affects the fabric’s stretch. If you want to see how, I suggest taking your favorite pair of ideally skinny jeans (since those usually have some stretch) and trying to stretch the fabric around the zipper area. And keep in mind that those denim fabrics only have a fraction of the stretch that a catsuit usually has!

Third, and this kinda goes in line with the first reason, the zippers are not visually misappropriated. This might be a bit of a weird one to understand, so let me show you two designs in which decorative zippers are used, one being yet another character design by Tetsuya Nomura and the other being Blake’s original character design.

In both designs, the decorative zippers are visually misappropriated. What I mean by this is that while the zippers are there and might even work in the intended way (opening and closing a piece of clothing), they are placed in a way that makes it very clear that the zipper is not intended to function in the way zippers usually function.

In case of the left design (which is Kairi’s design in KH2) that means the decorative zippers are placed upside down. Now, that doesn’t mean that they are completely unfunctional (meaning that they might be unzippable). However, zippers are usually placed the other way around, except for sleeve zippers – which makes our brain assume that the zippers might not function in the way zippers usually do.

In Blake’s original design, visual misappropriation is handled a bit differently: the sliders aren’t visible (they’re covered up by the flaps of her vest), which also makes out brain assume that the zippers might not work. Again, there is no way to ensure that they truly don’t, but our brain will assume it.

What makes the lack of visual misappropriation worse in the case of Blake’s V7 outfit is that there are unzipped zippers (the ones on the sleeves) which look exactly the same as the other zippers. This implies to our brain that yes, all the zippers are functional.

Now, this is also the case with the KH2 design of Kairi. However, due to that tiny detail that is the visual misappropriation of turning the decorative zippers upside down, our brain will not assume that the decorative zippers are functional. In fact, it’s the other way around: due to the one non-upside down zipper being slightly opened (implying to our brain that it is functional), it contrasts the fully zipped... I can’t say up, so zipped down decorative zippers. And this is actually a great example on how much impact such tiny details can have.

Last but not least, the leg zippers are visually disruptive. Not only because absolutely no one would place zippers on catsuit legs like that, but also because they draw your eyes somewhere your eyes are not meant to be drawn to (which is an overall problem with the V7 designs to be honest).

Now, someone pointed out on a podcast that the zippers help follow the movement of Blake’s legs. But let me ask one question about that (that was also thrown in in the podcast by the way): why does it have to be a zipper then? It could be a simple seam! Or the next thing I’m going to discuss, which are...

The Kneepads

Not going to lie, many people including myself seemed to be really confused about those because from the artwork alone it wasn’t clear whether Blake is wearing boots or kneepads. Fortunately we know from the Concept Art that those are meant to be kneepads now.

That makes my main question about those kneepads: why are they black? Seriously, why are those kneepads black?! And why are they the exact same shade (because yes guys, there are actually shades and tones of black as well) as the catsuit? I really don’t understand why they did this, because usually Ein Lee and the RT designers seem to have more of a tendency to never put the same color next to each other when they create a divide in a character design. So just... Why didn’t you do it there?

As I said, the kneepads could also serve as as visual indicator for Blake’s leg movement - without disrupting the entire design. As I said, by “different color” I mean a different tone of black (maybe a bit brighter than the catsuit is), they don’t have to be signal red, white or yellow. Yes, that joke was intended.

And that marks my transition to the final thing that bothered me about Blake’s new look. I already said I’m going to talk about it earlier, so now let’s finally get an answer to the question:

What’s the deal with Gambol Shroud?

First of all, I have to praise Blake’s backpack. I didn’t want to put this into a separate section because I literally have nothing else to say than “I love it because I think it fits the thought that Blake, being a ninja / illusionist needs lots of equipment and I LOVE the fact that it doubles as a way for her to carry Gambol Shroud around!”

That being said, my happiness about how Gambol Shroud is being handled in Volume 7 ends exactly there.

As you remember (or you don’t if you didn’t watch RWBY Volume 6 Chapter 12: Seeing Red), Gambol Shroud was cut in two pieces by Adam. When this happened, a large portion of the FNDM including myself were incredibly exited for Gambol Shroud’s upgrade. In fact, my exitement for the upgrade even overshadowed my distaste for this particular scene which I am not going to include because there is a lot of blood involved.

Summary of what happened: CRWBY deliberately had an anti-violence character murder someone who was unarmed, portrayed it as a heroic action and then never talked about it again despite the fact that this event should have traumatized both of the characters that were involved into this. Which... I just want to say that even though Adam allegedly abused Blake, which was never officially confirmed by the way, it is not okay. Murdering Adam out of self-defense? Sure, that would have been an interesting new arc for both Blake and Yang. However, this wasn’t self-defense and as I stated before, it was never talked about again, so there goes the story potential. But anyways...

The exitement for the upgrade in relation to this scene overshadowed my disdain for it for a very particular reason: I believed that it might be foreshadowing to Blake wielding not only one but two dagger-like weapons in the future.

Unfortunately, this turned out to be false and all we got instead was this:

Yes... They simply fixed the blade with yellow superglue... Which is not only incredibly uncreative and lazy in my opinion, but it’s also highly unrealistic: the blade is bade of metal. Once it is broken, even a fix with superglue won’t make it last long before it breaks again.

I think that turning Gambol Shroud into two daggers, maybe connected by the ribbon, would have been a better route to go. And if you still wanted that catana (because this joke is fun), you could always design it in a way that Blake can connect those daggers to get a full katana again. It would also allow for her to still use the catmerang and the pistol as well as the ribbon and the sheath.

I also think that Blake wielding daggers rather than a full katana would contribute to her ninja image. It’s way easier to sneak a knife or a dagger into some place than it is to smuggle a sword in there. Which is why historical assassins nearly exclusively used dagger variations – including the historical ninjas or shinobi.

Finally, it would have given Blake the chance to evolve her fighting style. At this point, Blake has fallen far behind with what she can do in comparison with her teammates and this is partly because the CRWBY seems to be mostly clueless about what to do with her, leading to Blake swinging around in combat most of the time. A whole new weapon type could be a fresh start for creativity with Blake. And yes, this is me talking in good faith because we all know that RT wants to save money and that is a huge part of the reason why every character’s moveset, including Blake’s, has become so incredibly boring.

Conclusion

Dear RoosterTeeth! Please fire the person with an unhealthy obsession with way too many belts and zippers in character designs before the FNDM makes even more jokes about Tetsuya Nomura having invaded your company. They were funny in the beginning, but they’re getting old. Thank you!

And now for the real conclusion...

Blake’s new design has a lot of problems, but almost all of them come from the same source: a lack of understanding for what makes the concepts the design uses work. This goes from concepts borrowed from other media (belts and zippers) to the concept of Blake as a character overall.

Furthermore, parts of the design (especially Gambol Shroud) show a lack of creativity and an overall lazyness. I mean, why put thought into how to avoid a void (ha, the pun!) in your character design or use a creative way to fill said void when you can just add a useless accessoiry?

Let’s get concrete. Here is what should be fixed in my opinion in order to make this a better character design:

Less zippers! The leg zippers and sleeve zippers can easily go completely. The front zipper of the catsuit should be longer than it currently is. And if you really want additional jacket zippers, then make them so it are clearly pocket or ventilation zippers (meaning that they don’t go all the way down to the hem – also, don’t have skin showing underneath if that is the case).

No wristbelts! For the reason I stated above. The other belts can stay, even though I am admittedly not much of a fan of the collar belt. I’d also say to tighten the hip belt a bit because the way it hangs loosely on her hips right now, it’s going to be a nuisance at best.

Make it look warmer! With fluffy parts or just anything that doesn’t look like plain, thin fabric. They’re at the north pole and I don’t care about aura, a character design has to make sense without knowing in-universe logic.

No heels! Yes, not even wedges. They are a nightmare to walk long distances in, let alone fight. Even the show itself acknowledged this in Volume 2, so time to apply this knowledge – after eight seasons of having characters who do a lot of acrobatic stuff run around in heels.

Give Blake gloves! It’s cold and quite honestly? I love to give infiltrator / ninja / spy characters gloves. Simply because you don’t want to leave fingerprints anywhere, do you? So gloves would be a win-win.

Do something different with Gambol Shroud! I don’t care what it is – dual daggers would honestly be cool, but who knows, someone else might have an even better idea than that! I’m open to anything, as long as it’s something different, and not just the superglue solution we got in canon.

Those are the major issues in my opinion. Fixing them wouldn’t exactly make this my favorite character design ever – honestly, if I was the character designer for RWBY, I’d do the entire outfit completely different. But I’m not and I’m not going to design an alternative because honestly? I’d rather save the ideas I have for alternative Blake outfits for OCs or characters from other media that I actually care about. As I stated before, I have a love-hate relationship with RWBY and I’m not particularly fond of the way things are being handled in the show as of late (*cough* the fact that they absolutely had to show Oscar being tortured *cough* That’s not dark, that’s just tasteless in my opinion, especially when so much other important stuff gets ignored for something like this).

Anyways, if the issues above were fixed, then the design would at least make sense to me and I think I could even say I like it – because all in all, this is a bad design in my opinion. The issue is just that while this design comes with some good ideas any concepts, it doesn’t execute them very well (which is the issue with RWBY a lot of the time).

Anyways, that was my mustard on the topic. I apologize for any language mistakes since this posting wasn’t beta’d and English is not my first language. Thank you so much for reading, especially if you got through this entire thing.

[xaidyl]

You could explain individual stuff! I find these explanations very fascinating, actually! OwO

okay! lets do this (this may be a very long post with lots of my random opinions but we’ll go with it) (and also please bear in mind these are jokey and in no real way a representation of these real people with real actual lives.)

***spoilers for most D20 seasons with this cast***

1.The babysitting 

Actual parent:Brennan 

From my experience DMing, you are effectively a parent to the players. He would also be an excellent dad

Wine aunt: Siobhan

Siobhan gives me vibes of someone who would take a bottle of wine to go babysit, then sit and tell the kids stuff about cults that they weren’t meant to hear. She would definitely teach the kids swear words, and they would love their cool auntie 

Great at babysitting: Lou

Part of the key to babysitting is being relatable to the kids, but also self assured enough to get them to behave. the person who holds that key is Lou Wilson. He also has played dad-energy characters, and that is the kind of vibes that you look for in a babysitter. 

Mediocre at babysitting: Murph

This scenario needs some theatre of the mind. Imagine Murph, he’s read all the babysitting books, he knows everything he could need to know, he lives with Emily Axeford. He’s more than prepared for this task. He tries so hard. The kids love him. The kids also walk all over him. They don’t get to bed in time. He wanted to do a good job. He tried so hard to do a good job. Yet somehow, luck is against him. 

The house is on fire, God is dead: Emily

Fig. Sofia. Jet. All three of these characters would set a house on fire without hesitation, and not one fears God. What does this have to do with Emily’s babysitting ability? Well, all these characters are teaching us to be chaotic beings, just like Emily. We are the children, and D20 is our babysitter. Emily would only replicate the same thing in this babysitting scenario. 

The children: Zac and Ally

I believe it was episode 9 of the unsleeping city. Neither Zac nor Ally were involved in the scene in question. Siobhan makes a reference to Eliza Doolittle, to which Zac makes a Dr Doolittle joke. Beardsley then shouts ‘I can see my dick’, a reference to a different film. This is fairly normal behaviour, and would not make either of them children in this scenario, had they not continued to hysterically laugh for the next ten minutes or so. Sat at opposite sides of the table. I think Zac starts crying at some point. They are absolute children, and also both have strong baby energy. Neither babysit, they are the ones that need babysitting. 

2. Can they be killed?

Cannot be killed: Brennan

The man is a God. Enough said. Also I’m pretty sure your body would reject your soul before it allows you to kill him. 

Can only be killed by one thing: Siobhan

You would be tricked into thinking Siobhan would be easy to kill- her constitution score is so low, after all. However, you would be wrong. The low constitution score has only made her stronger. More aware. What is the one thing that can kill her, though? Nobody knows, she’s only told those she truly trusts. It could be the most rare poison in the world. Or it could just be Mike Trapp. He (allegedly) has previous.

Can be killed but it won’t last: Emily

It is not anything to do with Emily that her death won’t last. In fact, Emily would be pretty easy to kill. However, if you kill her, Murph will do everything in his power to bring her back. He travels to the end of the earth, and then Emily Axeford is back and gets her new death date in a fancy gothic necklace.

Can be killed but at what cost?: Lou

What cost? The cost to the world. The world would be significantly worse off. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. It’s not worth it.

Can be killed but it’s not worth it: Murph

It’s not worth killing Murph because you would have precisely 0.7 seconds before you were killed by Emily. There is no way you can profit from this scenario, you would be dead before you even realise you’ve been successful. 

Can be killed and it would be pretty funny: Zac

I feel like we don’t discus the correlation between Zac Oyama characters and dying enough. Gorgug was the first D20 death. Lapain was the first D20 perma death. Ricky just like had a weapon that causes him to die. If you killed Zac, it would just be funny because its happened so much. Sorry Zac.

Can be killed but why would you, you monster?!?!: Ally

We’ve already discussed this. Beardsley is Baby. Leave them alone. 

Please kill them they suck: Box of Doom

I dont trust them

3. The fitness gram pacer test

this is definitely the most controversial of the charts, but there’s three of things you need to understand about my reasoning.

1. Zac is fast at running  

This has been seen a couple of times, namely: adventuring party, where Zac tried to tease Brennan about showing off how fast he his at running, but it turns out it was just Zac speaking his mind, and he is the one who always shows off at how fast he is at running. Also, the video on Siobhan’s instagram of Zac jumping over that table. 

He is also very bad a squats. Why would you be bad at squats? Bad knees. Why would you get bad knees? Running without sufficient warm up. Why would you skip warm up? Because you are very focussed on being able to run fast. 

2. Zac is willing to defend his title of running fast

The way he accused Brennan on adventuring party, he knew what he was doing. Sabotage. Brennan may also be able to run fast, but Zac would prevent him from getting a good score. How? He has his ways. Zac is a good boy, but not when it comes to running fast.

3. I felt bad

I had to give Zac at least one good one :)

Anyways onto the other choices:

Actually tried and got a low score: Brennan, Murph, Siobhan

We’ve already spoken about how Zac sabotaged Brennan to be the best at running. Murph is here because he would try really hard but something unlucky would happen. His shoelaces come untied. He accidentally gets caught in the Zac/Brennan feud. 

Siobhan started off with the intention to try, but after Lou, Emily and Ally had all done, she realised they were in fact much more interesting than the fighting going on. She walks out mid lap 

Didn’t try, got a low score, doesn’t give a shit: Lou and Emily

Its important to understand that both Lou and Emily are capable of getting a high score, they are just better than the whole thing. Why is their DnD group doing a pacer test? Why did Zac suspiciously force them to do this whole thing? 

The difference between them is Lou knows the feud is stupid and has like actual work to do? He sits and auditions for some other big film. He still watches over his laptop. 

Emily however, simply wants to watch the world burn.

Despite their different approaches to the situation, they both have a bet going on who’s going to be the fastest runner.

Ran one singular lap and finished: Ally

Ally Beardsley shows up at the track wearing a rainbow bucket hat and a tie dye shirt that is impracticable to run in. They have a llama with them. At no point do they explain this. They walk round the track once, drink their water from a plant pot, then spend the rest of the time cheering on the others with words that don’t quite make sense. 

4. Storming Area 51

They cant stop us all: Zac and Brennan

Neither mean it maliciously, but both believe entirely in what they are saying. 

Brennan is definitely the guy to go mad over a conspiracy theory. He made all the crown of candy NPCs. He is basically betraying himself. He knows not to trust anyone. He doesn’t trust area 51. The next season of dimension 20 is this as a subliminal messages all the way through. 

Zac says it accidentally. He’s making a character for the charity livestream. He’s still got a hundred hours of character making left. He’s done so many bad squats. Unintentionally, he makes a character that forces all the zesbians to storm area 51. 

Have fun getting shot, dumbasses: Lou

The rest of the cast are being weird again. Lou is equally as capable of being weird, but sometimes they need to chill. It starts with Emily talking about diner ice. It finishes with Brennan wearing a foil hat at all times. 

You guys stop, someones actually gonna do it: Murph

Murph is a good, lawful boy.

Actually shows up: Emily and Siobhan

They ride a motorcycle there together. They wouldn’t have gone alone, but as a duo they are an unstoppable pair. Emily wants to break into a government facility. Siobhan desperately want to be in the real life x-files.

One of the Aliens: Ally

Emily and Siobhan open a door at area 51. Behind it is Ally Beardsley. They are wearing a rainbow bucket hat and a tie dye shirt. They have a llama standing behind them. This is not explained at any point. They drink from a flower pot and eat a quesadilla that appears out of nowhere. 

5. Stabbing 

Would never stab anyone: Murph

Murph is a good, lawful boy

Would stab in retaliation: Lou, Murph, Zac

Lets be honest, the entirety of a crown of candy so far has been these three taking stabs (or metaphorical ‘where is your bulb now’ stabs) as retaliation for a stab another one of these three had done.

Yells “I won’t hesitate bitch” first: Ally and Siobhan

I can’t really explain this one much more other than i’m pretty sure both these people have said this phrase at least once in their life.

Would stab as a warning: Emily

This would be promptly followed by Murph getting her to stop stabbing. Or, depending on the situation, encouraging her to keep stabbing.

6. The water fountain

Fills up a bottle and drinks from it: Lou and Siobhan

This is the normal way to drink from the water fountain. They were also both very concerned at watching Beardsley’s various different drinking apparatuses in adventuring party. 

Bought 4 water bottles so this wouldn’t happen: Murph

He is prepared. Something probably still goes wrong, but at least he’s got three water bottles left. 

Drinks straight from the tap: Brennan

Brennan is a busy guy. The tap is there, it’s convenient, he needs to get back to planning. There’s so many campaigns, so many characters, so many voices. 

Dehydrates: Zac

Honestly I’m not sure if this man would drink water if nobody told him so

Drinks from a puddle: Ally

like they drink from a vase with a flower, a puddle really isn’t that much of a stretch.

Licks the tap: Emily

She just wants to see the world burn. Also, she knows Brennan drinks straight from the tap. She has to get payback somehow. 

7. A child starts crying

Makes the child laugh: Lou

We’ve already discussed how Lou has dad energy. I feel like he’s know exactly what to say and how to act to get the child to stop crying. This is less stupid than the rest of my explanations, but I always love how expressive Lou is when he plays dnd. I’m not sure whether its the way he holds himself or the way he gestures, but I’m pretty sure if I was a crying child, I would stop crying if Lou Wilson told me a joke in that very soothing point.

Tries to play with the child: Siobhan and Ally

These two kinda give me older/younger sibling vibes. As a team I recon they could create a game that would calm this child down. Also Ally knows techniques to help adults calm down, they could probably implement these ideas into a game for children.

Gives detailed instructions: Murph

His knowledge comes from the books he has read to learn how to babysit, and the one time he babysat. His explanation is rather frantic however, mostly because he is trying to defend Emily in his answer.

Cries with the child: Zac

He’s sad because all his friends are speaking to this child an nobody noticed how fast he just ran.

He’s also baby, as we’ve said previously, so he probably relates to the child somewhat

The reason the child is crying: Emily and Brennan

The child just watched episode 9 of a crown of candy. 

[alextriestowritestuff]

House of Hades Read With Me

Hey everyone, I’m back with an update. If you haven’t been following this thread, I’ve been reading the Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan. I read the first three books in this series back in 2012 and never finished. If you want to know my background with the PJO series and my thoughts on the Son of Neptune (I started my re-read with that book because Lost Hero is trash imo), you can find that here. My thoughts on Mark of Athena is here. So let’s get into the House of Hades 50% update that will include spoilers so you’ve been warned. 

Okay so I’m going to use two images to convey my thoughts on this book so far:

Okay so let’s address the first image... um. I’m fucking terrified. I’m scared of Percy and I’m scared for him and Annabeth (She told him that she loves him ahhhhhh, I need him to say it back tho). My past read with me’s have been pretty harsh on the HoO series so far but I really like this book so far. Dear gods, please let the other half of the book be good! Rick you’re doing amazing sweetie (kind of-we’ll get into it). So far, I’ve cried at Percy and Annabeth thinking about each other and how tired and hungry they are. And when Percy and Annabeth were surrounded by Kelli and the other empousai and I really thought it was done for them (I know they don’t die but the fear I felt was real) then Bob came in and saved them. And when Percy was surrounded by the Arai and Annabeth was temporarily blinded by a curse. Like he literally says, if I’m going to die, I’m not going to let them hurt Annabeth and he went out fighting (out meaning unconscious in this case) ughh my heart. It was torn out of my chest!! 

Brief pause because the Arai said that Calypso cursed Annabeth because Percy left her and I just can’t really emotionally deal with that fact because Battle of Labyrinth is my favorite PJO book BECAUSE of Calypso’s appearance. I’ve held a torch for that girl to find happiness for years and to think she cursed Annabeth (Obvi she didn’t know it’d actually affect Annabeth years later), that shit kills me. But I remember thinking in the Last Olympian why Percy didn’t ask for some sort of amnesty for Calypso when he was telling the gods to claim their kids, etc. So I’m glad he realizes he f-ed up there but ugh why Calypso?? It’s okay, I know that her and Leo get together so she’ll be happy eventually. I just have to wait. 

But let’s also talk about the fact that I’m starting to feel bad for monsters? Annabeth and Percy have been reflecting on what it’s like to be sent to Tartarus by a demigod and slowly reforming. And all the curses the Arai gave Percy were manifestations of how he killed those monsters so he felt their deaths which seeing him in pain, put me in pain. Like Rick don’t do this to me. I don’t want to feel bad for monsters but I do. I’m curious to see how this experience will change Percy and Annabeth’s willingness to kill monsters in the future. I really like this presentation of the monster’s perspective, I think it’s very interesting. In relation, I’ve noticed HoO is a lot darker in theme (even before this book) just by the way they phrase things. Like the demigods will say ‘kill monsters’ or ‘kill’ very easily compared to PJO where I felt that death was sugar coated because it was a middle grade genre. Most deaths were off screen (off page?) like Beckendorf’s. Or not very grim. And this series is much more in your face about it, especially in House of Hades. It was hard to get used to at first but I think it shows maturity, it’s well within the realm of YA to kill off characters and explicitly say so it’s just strange going from PJO to this imo. 

Moving onto the next image, the slowly being seduced one. AHAHA Um can someone tell me why I was briefly seduced by Frank and Percy?? So Percy, I’m always seduced by, that’s not new. But him being scary makes him 100x more attractive. Like imagine if Percy had been on the titan’s side? The gods wouldn’t have had a chance. Here’s some quotes:

(This is after Percy kills Arachne, on pg 6) Percy kicked the dust on the rocks, his expression grim and dissatisfied. “She died too easily, considering how much torture she put you through. She deserved worse.” Annabeth couldn’t argue with that, but the hard edge in Percy’s voice made her unsettled. She’d never seen someone get so angry or vengeful on her behalf. It almost made her glad Arachne had died quickly. “How did you move so fast?”

Then when Percy convinces Bob to kill the reforming Hyperion, Annabeth thinks this: 

How was he keeping his cool? The way he talked to Bob left Annabeth awestruck…and maybe a little uneasy, too. If Percy had been serious about leaving the choice to Bob, then she didn’t like how much he trusted the Titan. If he’d been manipulating Bob into making that choice…well, then, Annabeth was stunned that Percy could be so calculating.

He met her eyes, but she couldn’t read his expression. That bothered her too (22). 

Like what?!?! Please come pick me up, Uncle Rick. I’m scared. What’s happening to Percy?? I need them to get out of there STAT! I have no theories as to why he’s acting like this (maybe it’s the energy of Tartarus) but I’m excited to see where it goes. But Scary Percy is also right up my alley so ugh, I’m conflicted. 

So next, Frank. Rick did something hella problematic here but before I get into that, here’s the line where I was slowly being seduced by him:  

Frank was faster. He lunged at Trip and slammed him into the wall, his fingers locked around the god’s throat.

“Think about your next words,” Frank warned, deadly calm. “Or instead of beating my sword into a plowshare, I will beat it into your head” (19). 

Like ngl, that choke thoo?? I’ve never been attracted to Frank but my god, the dangerous tone, the threat. I had to put my hair up and get a cold glass of water when I read that. Frank was the last person I thought would do something like this but I am not mad at all. Very Ares of him.

What I am mad about, however, is the fact that after this scene, Frank (or it’s Hazel that notices) notices that he’s becoming taller and better built. Because Mars/Ares gave him a little ‘grow spurt’. Now let me say this: I’m not one of those people who think that everything problematic was meant to be intentionally offensive/stereotyping/harmful. I know that Rick has had his fair share of controversies ever since he’s been incorporating diverse characters. That comes with the territory of writing marginalized character-I’m black and I still have watch myself in how I portray black characters. He has do the research and I don’t he did it. Sorry. 

And I’m sure I haven’t even caught half of the problematic things brought up in HoO (there’s times where Hazel’s hair or skin is described as cinnamon, like food when other non black characters don’t get that kind of description. Also the fact that her name is Hazel like Hazelnut has always bothered me but I digress). Back to Frank’s growth spurt. Prior to that, other characters have described him as a bit on the chubbier side, baby faced, ‘big guy’ (that bothers me tho but that might be an internalized societal mentality that any word like fat or big = bad. And that’s not always true but I personally don’t feel comfortable calling someone that), etc. And he’s of Asian (spec. Chinese) descent. For what it’s worth, I’m not Asian so this may be out of lane to talk about but from my personal life experiences, Asians tend to be on the smaller end of the scale when it comes to size. I am 5″7 ish, size 6 and I would be considered overweight in mainstream Asian stores but in Western stores, I’ve never had an issue fitting in something or finding my size. I also tend to have a lot of options fashion wise. I have an Asian friend (Lmao I feel like one of those yt people who are like I have a black friend so I can say this and that. sorry I’m trying to get a point across) and she is plus sized. She doesn’t fit into the straight sizes in America so by Asian standards, she’s considered anywhere from moderately to morbidly obese. And she faces a lot of judgement from her Asian relatives because of it in addition to the fatphobia that has infiltrated American society as well. 

My friend doesn’t see a lot of representation for Asians her size. If she does she sees Asians that isn’t as thin and small, it’s people with my size who are considered thin by Western standards but ‘big’ by Asian sizing. My problem with having Frank be given a growth ‘spurt’ is that it’s erasing that plus sized Asian representation. This wouldn’t have been a good thing to do to ANY character that was plus sized but do you see where it’s even more problematic to do because of his Asian ancestry? It would’ve been fine if at the end of the series, he got hella fit and happens to be more in shape because of all the fighting he’s done but to be given that growth spurt implies that there was something wrong with his size in the first place. And so far, the other demigods have been taking him more seriously (Frank notes that Leo has stopped teasing him as much) which is kind of thin privilege esque to me. Frank may not be my favorite character but he deserved respect, no matter his size. I think this growth spurt aspect was hella problematic and Rick shouldn’t have done it. It was also unnecessary as hell. He looked fine before and could do everything the other (thinner) demigods could do just as well.

This is getting long so let me get to my last couple of points: Nico and the many, unnecessary POVs.

As y’all know by now, I think Nico deserves rights. He deserves friends and place to call home where he belongs. Both Frank and Jason didn’t want to be alone with Nico because they thought he was creepy and I can see where this is a set up to eventually have him fit in but damn, he’s just a kid. Be nice to my son. I feel like one of those mom’s who just wants their kid to make a friend at school. Will Solace as his love interest please come sooner. Again, I’ve been spoiled to this. I’m interested to see how this pans out and if this relationship will be a kind of aside mention like the fact that Grover and Juniper are dating or will it be given the same focus as opposite sex couples like Percabeth and Jasper. And I already knew Nico liked Percy but I didn’t expect it to come out in the way it had. It makes his relationship with Percy make a lot more sense. And I see how Nico could view him in that sense after Percy saved him and Bianca in Titan’s Curse and how he was like the real life version of his Mythomagic games (also I totally forgot he played that, he’s not that excited little boy anymore ugh, his innocence left ever since Bianca died). Overall, I think Nico being gay was handled well-Jason’s reaction was very straight but supportive so he gets a pass there. My point is Nico deserves the world. That’s all. 

The POVs. Again, I don’t know if people who aren’t writers would have an issue with the POVs in this series but I do. So far, we’ve had Hazel, Leo, Frank, Annabeth, Percy, and Jason narrate. I said this before, Rick needs to stick to 3 or 4 POVs because this shit don’t make sense. Annabeth and Percy are in the same setting together, they can’t even go on side quests because they’re in Tartarus so like why do we need both of them to narrate?? If they separate at some point, maybe. Don’t get me wrong, I love their narration but it’s jarring as hell to keep bouncing from POV to POV. I also saw somewhere that they don’t get a narration POV in Blood of Olympus in which case, I sure as hell don’t want to be reading the POV in the HoO characters who I don’t really jive with except Leo. So Hazel is going to be important to the Mist thing whatever, it makes sense she gets a POV (and she hasn’t had one since tSoN/same with Jason but the Lost Hero instead) but Frank and Leo? And I really thought since it’s 5 demigods (Percabeth in Tartarus) they’re going to be able to do side quests with all 5 of them that we didn’t need so many POVs but guess I was wrong. Idk it’s driving me insane, Rick should’ve done third person omniscient (Think Harry Potter and it can still follow different people like Percabeth in Tartarus). 

Damn, if this is how much I have to say about the first half of HoH, I’m really excited to get back to reading the last half. I’m HELLA looking forward to have Reyna join the quest temporarily (where I left off, she is on her way to the 5 demigods). I want the Piper/Reyna/Jason thing to be resolved (a lil drama would be nice) so Piper can stop being annoying and insecure. I want to know who Coach Hedge has been talking to and is he a good guy? Oh and another thing that’s been bothering me is Gale, Hecate’s polecat? It just farts all the time. And I have to remember I’m 20 and this books isn’t targeted to me so juvenile humor isn’t funny to me anymore but it’s just kind of gross and unnecessary?? 

Anyway, I’m going to have to start a new post for the last half of my HoH read with me because this thing is long. But you guys, I am invested into this book. It is on par with my love for PJO books so far. I could give this book a 4.5 stars (despite some faults) if it keeps going this way. Thanks for reading! 

[albyfm]

˙✫*ﾟ YUNGBLUD  ,  DEMIBOY  ,  HE/THEY  :･ did  you  hear  alby miller  is  joining  the  cast  of  exposed  after  their habit of facilitating drugs at events, festivals & awards shows  was  revealed  ?  the  twenty-three  year  old  bass guitarist  with 500k followers is  trying  to  clear  their  name  .  they've  become  known  as  the  resident  juvenile  in  the  mansion  ,  and  it's  clear  that's  spot  on  because  they're  quite -  recalcitrant & -  stuck in their ways ,  but  also +  charismatic &  +  outspoken .  you  know  they're  heading  to  the  confession  booth  if  you  hear  lonely boy  by  the black keys  blasting  ,  most  likely  talking  about  how  they're  more  than disheveled outfits of black leather & denim, talking way too candidly to the press, smashed lenses of paparazzi cameras that got too close, an unmistakable mischievous grin & an inability to express real feelings.

hey !! finally getting around to posting this. you can call me aries, i’m 23 and in the bst ( uk ) timezone. my pronouns are she / her. i’m a little lost art school grad with a lot of student debt, a taste for red wine and an unhealthy obsession with arctic monkeys. not gonna lie, i whipped this kiddo up specifically for this rp so i’m still getting used to them, but hopefully with this intro you’ll get a feel for what they’re about. without further ado, here’s alby—

trigger warnings & disclaimer: mentions of hard drugs, alcohol, anger issues, destructive tendencies. my intention writing this intro was not to glamorize or romanticize these things in any way but if anything i have written comes across that way, please lmk!

smash that ♡ to plot or hit me up on discord @ chaotic aries#5793 !!

‘and this is how it starts...’ ( the basics )

name: alby fox miller age: twenty-three gender: non-binary ( demi-boy ) pronouns: he / him & they / them date of birth: may 24th 1997 zodiac: gemini sun, pisces moon, aries rising orientation: pansexual occupation: bassist for drive like i do career claim: ross macdonald ( the 1975 ) genre: alt-pop, pop-rock

‘it’s the way we are, we were smoking by eleven & knocking ‘round town...’ ( background )

you’re born in 1997, in the north west of england. wilmslow, to be exact. a quaint and affluent town, just south of manchester. the family you’re born into is a comfortable one. not quite living lavishly, but not at all struggling, either. your parents both work in business out in the city. you go to a good school. but... all is not how you exactly want it to be.

see, your parents are quite pushy. they expect you to live how they want, rather than how you do. at the all boy’s academy they enroll you in as a teenager, they expect you to pick what they deem as intellectual subjects, such as foreign languages, further mathematics and computer science. there’s a focus on you becoming someone that makes a lot of money, rather than someone who is happy.

but you’re... not the kind of person that can be molded so easily. you’re a fairly happy-go-lucky kid, but also a rebellious one. your parents’ strict ways of trying to force you down their chosen path, only encourages you more heavily to choose your own. 

at fourteen, you meet the guys. lennox, jovi & jasper. they’re some of the only kids at school who can be bothered to be around you, with your high energy and bolshy attitude. really, they’re the only people who embrace you for who you are. they encourage your weirdness and outspokenness. it’s not long before you find yourself wanting to do everything together. it’s not long before the four of you are inseparable.

from there, you fully detach from everything your parents want you to be. you embrace your individuality. you also find the courage and bravery to come out to your parents as non-binary at the age of sixteen. there’s not a single person’s opinion that you’re afraid of, or even care about. 

it’s not all rainbows & sunshine, though. you struggle somewhat with anger issues, and a bit of depression. you’re also practically addicted to getting into trouble: picking fights with bullies at school, selling weed & pills to your friends around town, underaged drinking... you get the gist. though you keep your fears internal, you sometimes worry you’ll get nowhere in life.

so of course, the second the boys are talking about starting a band, you’re all in. imagine if you made it big someday? wouldn’t that be sick? you’re immediately drawn to bass guitar, and use a month’s worth of saved up pocket money to pick one up from the big music store in the city. thankfully, you pick it up quite quickly, because before you can even realize it, things are getting so... real. by sixteen, you don’t feel you have the option to stick around at school for sixth form, because drive like i do is already playing local venues and working on its first album.

you’re just seventeen when the album is released. somehow, the climb to fame is faster than you could have ever imagined. it seems like yesterday you were still watching bass tutorials on youtube in your bedroom and practicing in your friend’s garage after school. first is some notoriety across the uk, but before you know it — boom! global stardom. the fame is a heavy weight for someone so young to carry... but fuck it, it’s gonna be fun, and you know it.

you’re twenty-three now, and days are gone of pipedreams formed in your parent’s shoebox room. you split your time between manchester, london, and LA — and that’s just during rare moments of downtime from your world tours. your band is 4 albums in, and whoever hasn’t heard of you might as well have been living under a rock. is it narcissistic to think like that? maybe, but you don’t care. this is rock n’ roll, baby. this is the life.

naturally, all eyes are mostly on your very outspoken frontman. he’s controversial, but the media can’t get enough of him. as for you? to them, you’re... the band’s problem child. while you argue that your behavior is no different than that of your friend, he’s got the lead singer charm. they don’t seem to like you as much. why? well...

‘drink, fall, spew...’ ( troublesome tendencies & exposed secret )

you never really coped as well as you acted like you did, did you? while you were grateful for the fame, everything was... a lot, and it was all at once. you didn’t even get the chance to process it. 

take four twenty-somethings and add constant prying journalists, paparazzi, and constantly full schedules into the mix. and why not pepper in some typical rockstar vices, too? alcohol, drugs, parties, throwaway sex. things are destined to get a little rocky. though you tried at first not to show it to your fans, your destructive behavior soon got the better of you, and you became known to drunkenly lash out at paps, smash cameras and storm out of interviews when the questions got too personal. 

this all came to a head when you were caught on camera several times distributing acid tabs, cocaine and mdma at events, music festivals & awards shows. the press gave the band a pretty bad time over this, and given the other members’ controversies and lennon’s similar link to drugs, it wasn’t a good look for any of you. 

it didn’t matter that you had a side to you that was good, pure. that you were always kind and loving and down-to-earth towards your fans and friends. you were a bad seed, and you wound up on exposed with the rest of your bandmates. hopefully you can prove there’s more to you than what the media shows...

‘oh & you say, i’m such a cliche...’ ( personality )

immm gonna rush thru this section & write less formally bc those other parts too me WAY too long

basically a literal toddler. loves a laugh, loves a good time, but get on his bad side and he WILL throw a tantrum

it’s mainly people like press & paps he lets his anger out on. the band’s fans and people he’s close with on a personal level know he’s a good person underneath it all

loves a bit of mischief / rebellion / drama

king of hiding insecurities....

literal softie.... like... who allowed this binch to be so soft. he’s so open about how much he loves his friends (particularly his bandmates) and will platonically kiss and hug and love people all the time, particularly on the show bc he’s trying to show the cameras his softer side dfjghdfdfg

so excitable like WHERE does this kid get all his energy...

( tw drugs ) will probably struggle a bit on the show without access to drugs, but ( tw addiction mention ) he has never really been addicted or dependent on them, just a frequent user.

outspoken as fuck, has no filter sometimes oops

very flamboyant, in line with the general aesthetic of his band but also on a personal level. sports a kind of soft gothic/punk/early 2000s emo look. always paints his nails and wears makeup etc

sleeps around a lot but has never really been able to find a lasting relationship, has just had a bunch of short-lived flings???? but lowkey develops crushes at the drop of a hat and would love to properly fall in love with someone who could be with him forever & accept him for all his flaws, but he highly doubts that will ever happen fgjdhsfg

‘why don’t you figure my heart out?...’ ( wanted connections )

exes on good terms

exes on bad terms ( maybe someone who actually really wanted to stay with him but couldnt deal with his bullshit and now resents him? )

 someone who loves the band’s music & inflates his ego ab it

 someone he hasn’t seen for years that he’s reunited on the show & maybe they’re revisiting old feelings for each other??? and he wants it to be DIFFERENT this time but also theres shit tons of fucking cameras and shit which... makes things difficult...

first friend he made in LA or in the states in general, someone who showed him the ropes

someone who hates him / hates the band like PLEASE

and also just a straight up enemy maybe?? someone who finds him annoying as fuck??

FRIENDS!!!

literally anything just hmu and lay an idea on me and theres 90% chance ill be down

[roleplcyheaux]

stop sending messages about kelly to amanda. jc its like youre obsessed.

i rarely curse at people but fuck you. and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. i don’t know what possessed you to send me this ask in the first place because i haven’t been on the dash in days but fuck you. i’m not sending messages about kelly to amanda. kelly hasn’t crossed my mind in months. i haven’t spoken or uttered her name in conversation even longer than that. ya’ll are so quick to accuse people of things with no evidence? the fact that you assume everyone who sends in questions about these people are just jaded friends / members is the problem! none of you want to take responsibility for your actions so you’d rather just brush off the stuff being said about you as “hate” and “negativity”. i’ve made one post about kelly in my entire existence on this website. AND I EVEN SUGAR COATED THAT ONE POST by only sticking to rp related instances! i went to painstaking lengths to ensure nothing i wrote about her came across as mean or inflammatory. there’s a whole paragraph where i sang her praises. why? cause for a very long time she was someone very dear to me and i didn’t want to crucify her in the public eye because i believe people can change and grow. but since ya’ll love to villainize people, let me just say this.

if i wanted to send amanda messages it would be:

about that time i made a post on my personal during the 2016 election ( or maybe directly after i can’t remember ) where i said something about trump supporters being ignorant ( literally one of the least nasty thing that can be said about trump supporters ) and kelly messaged me on skype upset that i said that because her family members were trump supporters. i literally had to APOLOGIZE TO HER for saying something about trump supporters. even though they were outwardly spewing anti-immigration propaganda and encouraging trump’s muslim registry nonsense. two things kelly knows i am, an immigrant & a muslim. still, i “agreed to disagree” so she wouldn’t be mad at me. from that day on i felt like i couldn’t post anything political on my blog or else she’d find an issue with it and come confront me again. ( i would link to the post in question but i think i literally deleted it to placate her + skype wont let me scroll back further than april 2017 & this convo happened prior to that )

or maybe the time someone came to me in my inbox to ask about if it was insensitive to play turkish fcs as non-muslim & i answered saying something along the lines like “no it wouldn’t be insensitive but like please keep in mind islam is the largest religion practiced in turkey.” nothing controversial about that right? like i wasn’t telling people that they would be cancelled if they had non-muslim turkish muses but STILL kelly who was in a big turkish fc phase at the time felt the need to then reply to my ask to be like “there are jewish people in turkey too!!!” which is true! there are multiple religions practiced in turkey but that wasn’t what was up for debate in the ask that was sent to me. people already play turkish fcs as anything but muslim. again she messaged me privately afterward saying she hoped it was okay she interjected and to avoid confrontation i didn’t say anything and let it slide cause i told myself she was just excited about exploring judaism as a faith. but just think about it? could you imagine if someone was answering an ask about zoey deutch being jewish & whether it was insensitive to play her as non-practicing & i just inserted myself by saying “um actually people practice other religions in america too!” just because i like playing zoey deutch fcs and may not wanna be held responsible to play her as her religion? LINK TO THE ASK HERE.

or how about that elongated period of time she had not white in the description of her personal? if memory serves me correct her blog title had gypsy in it and someone told her that term was offensive to romani which is when she said she was part romani herself. which then inevitable led to the “not white” identifier on her blog. but multiple times before and after that privately she only talked about her family being italian. rarely if ever did the romani thing ever come up again. only when it was convenient. i’m not trying to say kelly isn’t romani or is lying about identifying as nonwhite but there were multiple times in our friendship where i felt like she was trying to use labels associated to minority groups for some sort of invisible “brownie points” and it was very uncomfortable to me but i never felt comfortable enough to brooch it with her for fear of being exiled from the friend group or accused of being “toxic” the way she described other ex-friends.

or maybe i’d give amanda extra details about stuff i’ve already said about kelly on my blog. like when i said she asked me to play a nina twin with her at a group but then got mad at me for essentially plotting with people? what i didn’t add was that that whole thing happened during ramadan while i was fasting. and she knew it was ramadan cause we talked about it in our gc. i had been working all day helping my family do stuff while fasting only to log on to skype to have one of my best friends accuse me of trying to ruin her plots and fun in a group she invited me to. the whole conversation gave me so much anxiety on top of being hungry & tired from running around a majority of the day. like i kept worrying that if i didn’t respond fast enough that she’d get angry which in turn made me family be upset at me for keeping looking for reasons to be on my phone. her excuse in the end? she was on her period and feeling sensitive. ( LINK TO SCREEN SHOTS )

or what about all those times she would message me privately about people i considered friends and how she didn’t think they liked her. or how she felt unliked and unwanted and i’d have to go out of my way to assure her that wasn’t the case. to the point of my own discomfort. it got the point where i started not enjoying my own rp experience cause i’d feel bad that i was having fun on the dash when she wasnt? it was during a time she claimed she changed and she would always weaponize the narrative people had of her “old self” against me to make me feel bad for being friends / friendly with those people even though she’d keep insisting that it was totally fine & she wasn’t mad about it and simply just “worried” cause she didn’t want to cause “drama” ( to use an example from an instance used in my other ask about kelly: her and my friend lauren had a falling out. when said falling out happened she repeatedly insisted that the rest of us in the friend group didn’t have to “pick sides” then, later down the line, when she found out lauren was joining a group i was opening she then proceeded to use that as one of the reasons why i was being a “shitty friend” to her. LINK BACK TO THAT PART OF THE CONVO )

if i was really obsessed with kelly i would just have submitted the messages i got from people after i made my post about her to amanda. people who were friends with her were coming to me telling me that kelly had done / was doing the same thing to them that she put me through and how they appreciated me speaking up about it. keep in mind i made my post like a year after i stopped being friends with her. which meant that in that time, despite all the claims she had made about changing and being better, she was still treating her friends and the people close to her shitty. i’m not gonna share screen shots of those messages because it seems for all intents and purposes those people have forgiven kelly & are still friends with her and i’m not trying to get them in trouble with her.

i’ve given kelly the benefit of the doubt for years. even after i stopped communicating with her i didn’t say anything about the microaggressions i faced as her friend or how manipulated i felt by her. being her friend often felt like you were one mistake away from being cut off. it’s like you constantly had to prove your loyalty and love to her or else. it took me a long time to realize how our dynamic was extremely unhealthy and even when i realized that i never publicly said anything because i still cared about her and saw how much shit she was getting & didn’t want to add to it. but i’m not the pathetic little hales that can be bullied and talked down to anymore. i’m not gonna allow you to come into my inbox when i was minding my own business and try to make me the bad guy. if people are sending messages to amanda about kelly it’s because she’s got a long list of people she’s hurt & hasn’t resolved anything with. that has nothing to do with me so please kindly get out of my inbox.