#i fear i may go on and on forever
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dallon <3
#will never get over these photos tbh#he’s ethereal#an insanely cool and talented performer#i fear i may go on and on forever#sorry if you’ve seen me share this before#i love him#i am eternally reliving my idkhow shows#dallon weekes#idkhow
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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Art block is killing me man
#get baldmastered…#been talking to my friend tonight about his stupid dumb hair and I have now decided to just pull it all off!!!#really solves the problem at the root😋😋😋🫶🫶#SIIIIGGHH I have been trying so HARD to draw some ACTUALLY good pieces#and I do wanna make a specific fully rendered drawing cause I haven’t made one of those in actual ages#although I guess you could say the one unit drawing I dropped could be considered that#like my only full fledged illustration I’ve made in eight hundred years#I must learn to get freakier with how my style goes about or I fear I may perish#or at the very least just be a one trick pony forever and ever which is arguably just as bad I suppose😦#sighssss anyways PEELED HENRY GO!!!!!!!#my art#transformers#maccadam#transformers animated#tfa#headmaster#tfa headmaster#henry masterson#tfa henry masterson#procreate
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reminiscing
twitter in bio :) im more active there teehee
#they’re never going to leave my mind i fear#if i can draw them happy and in love like they deserve then I WILL#they’ve altered my vision of love forever i hate them deeply#asheiji#banana fish#artists on tumblr#small art blog#may’s sillies#fanart
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i hope u kno i think ur tf2posting is awesome because i am too scared to play it (pvp....) but really love tf2 anyway
AWW THANK YOU SO MUCH I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR GENUINELY!!!!!!<333 i love sharing honestly it feels so special...not to get sappy again but this is my first video game experience like that, since tf2 is the first like. multiplayer shooter i've ever played and it's just. so nice when someone teaches me how to do silly stuff like the "intel funny" or when i have the honor of participating in a server-wide dance party. it's just so!!! well. nice and really cool honestly :]
#ask#like. total strangers i may not stumble upon again are making my day better just because i think we just. like being nice to eachother#deep down kind of#as i said that thrusting sniper may not know how hard that made me laugh and the dude who said 'good job' to me also might not know how#special i felt but. well i feel all of that and i'll remember it. do you get me#love forever ok?#and honestly! i know some fears are hard to overcome i was definitely shaking when i joined into my first match but people are really ok#most of the time! and if they aren't honestly just hit the bricks! if i'm not having fun or see an asshole i usually que for another game#2fort i feel like is also super forgiving since people are kind of expecting silly players? but even on idk payload maps nobody gave me any#trouble for being a 50 minutes of playtime noob pyro. and you get better the longer you play like genuinely!#like with the whole spy thing. you start to get a feel for when someone is acting suspicious#recently i've also been unlearning going with the rocket launchers against pyros but that also took like. 5 reflected rocket deaths to#really stick. ok i'm rambling now but it can be a wonderful game :3#i know this all might sound silly but i started like. kind of genuinely playing games only last summer so discovering all of these new#things is just ahh!!! it's so cool!
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I've been thinking a lot about fear off and on over the last week and. Hmm.
#rambling#I am a super anxious person#I can find a way to be afraid of a lot of things#On top of that there are things that trigger my anxiety and cause me to be Very Afraid; Every Time#ex. Sickness#So I've devoted the past few months to avoiding those triggers whenever possible#and it's just now occuring to me that that.... may not be the healthiest choice?#Instead of avoiding the sources of fear at all costs; maybe I should confront them?#I can't.... Avoid EVERYTHING that scares me#and it's keeping me from doing things I want to do. Or SHOULD do.#and when I am inevitably in a situation where I CANT avoid a trigger it makes me doubly stressed because I can't escape it#I don't know if confronting them would help but I know avoidance isn't going to work forever.
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i should stop making cringe posts tbh. but i can’t.
#like here at merevide hq we’re going through a little bit of a revamp and cringe text posts are on the chopping block i fear#but i always have smth to say not matter how unfunny how much it’s gonna flop or how much i’m gonna regret saying it#i can’t keep my big dumb mouth shut actually this has plagued me since forever#no it hasn’t there was/is a time where i’ll go completely silent but most of the time i like to talk i just don’t think other like#me talking 💀 like besides reblog it’s either music links or smth ridiculous#but it’s also like man i should reflect i should sit down.#bc it feels like every word i say is embarrassing NO MATTER WHAT like if i’ve ever said anything to you i’m genuinely sorry#sometimes i think i should stop talking forever but then i realize that’s just my anxiety taking over 😒 but she may have a point#i wanna talk to people sooo bad like i wanna reply i wanna ask questions. but i’m gonna say smth dumb eventually !!! im overthinking it but#idk we’ll see :P thank u all (no one) for coming to my ted talk ily#my text
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when you're an inherently bad person🤪
#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc#the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse#because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try#and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really.#its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well.#i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan#to use but i must be somewhat pleasant#but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell?#well!#vent post#also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism#god i fucking hate being who i am#im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part#of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all#its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no#contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself#not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough
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i sure am applying to a lot of jobs on the other sides of the country for a person who has never moved before and is terrified of even slightly messing up important things like finding housing and moving
#i'm that “apply for a job and immediately forget about it forever unless they contact me” kind of person which i'm happy to be#so the scary part is when i get the potential interview offers and i look at the location for the job and go UUHHHHHH#like it doesn't really hit me that i might possibly be moving there until that moment lol#i have like 10 potential interviews on the table rn. the closest one is 350 miles away and the farthest is fucking um. 2‚100 miles away#i pull up google maps and see “42 hour drive” and i'm like. uhhhh uhhh uhhmmmm............ uhh.....#see i love driving and i would actually love to be like. a long-haul trucker or something. but i don't know Cars™ or Vehicle Maintenance™#fear of my poor 2002 car giving up on me in any way... especially while towing a uhaul trailer containing all my earthly possessions. 👍#(girls who have little real-world experience and need their hand held through everything but are embarrassed to ask for help#because they did so well academically that people don't expect them to have trouble with these sort of common processes#due to falsely equating academic intelligence with other types of intelligence and experience that the girls may in fact completely lack#(i'm girls))#bluh
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.
#that feel when in your latest chapter on your journey of being white and unlearning racism#you have once again found yourself in the Massive Pit Of Fear Of Writing Race Wrong#and this time it’s about your latest fandom obsession#and since you have now effectively cut yourself off at the knees from your usual fandom participation method#and are so blocked you can’t write fanfic you really want to write bc you’re afraid you’re going to Do A Racism about it#you just kinda. exist. in the fandom space now#forever consuming but not creating any output or outlet#until you die you guess#I wanna write gay pirate romcom fic so bad but I clam up when I open my word docs#y’all it’s bad I’m petrified and it’s making me angry bc like#YOU TOOK MY ORIGINAL WRITING FROM ME AND NOW MY FANFIC TOO???#DAMN YOU FEAR THAT I HAVE TO PUSH THROUGH AND BE OKAY WITH MAKING MISTAKES AND HUMBLE ENOUGH TO LEARN FROM THEM#MAKING EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT#almost makes me want to tear down my fic and start over#but if I go down that route I may not come back with anything at all#keep moving forward and all that#again. do a racism again. I want to clarify that part of this blockage is bc I have indeed written racist things already#and now that I know about it I don’t want to do it again#anyway carry on I guess just venting to the void
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my tumblrinas,,, you're my only friends 🫶🫶
#tp#says me with just over a million irl acquaintances and quote unquote friends#maybe i am a friend to them idk idk anymore#severely lacking the ability to create meaningful and lasting relationships with people‼️‼️#it's an entirely me problem#okay actually i did have a soulmate and two bestfriends during different periods in my life but i left them again lol#keeping contact who???#someone beat some sense and remorse into me please i need to be a better friend to people#my fear of forever being alone bc of my parents' work (which has lead to me giving up on socializing) strikes again!!#now that i am 18 i am no longer obligated to move with them wherever they go#so this is a weird time for me#i can stay and go and i can keep growing up in a single city with a stable life and stable friends#in THEORY#in practice i am failing... as one may tell..#forget about living in the same city omfg i can stay in the same fucking country (and continent??) for more than two years now olé!?!?!?
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wait La croix died???
It’s been over 24 hours since La Croix went down the evil hell portal, and there’s been no word since.
#customer queries#i’m holding out hope but i fear she may be gone from this world forever#which would be terrible because if anyone is going to kill her it really should be me
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there is something deeply wrong with me
#sorry for the ventposting at 1pm on a sunday but like#having panic attacks and wanting to cut ties with all my friends when even the passing mention of any kind of disease is brought up#is not healthy. it definitely is something that i should probably go to therapy for#but i can't fix the problem now#because it's not even that it's an irrational fear. it is a very rational fear.#i don't want to get sick because there's a chance i'll never recover#and getting sick once makes it easier to get sick again for the rest of your life#and so it's just a downward spiral that once it happens once.#you're fucked. it's over.#and the fear keeps me careful#and so if i try to fix the fear. i'm putting myself in danger#and so i'd have to wait until cases aren't so prevalent to fix the fear.#which may never happen!!! this might just be my life now!!!#i might be an anxious agoraphobe forever. there may be no fixing me#and i want to have friends and i want to live a life#but that puts me at risk#and i don't think it's worth it#i might as well just be alone because at least i won't be a murderer then#vent
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Help my family to leave the Gaza Strip
I am Najah Al-Haila from Gaza.
I never imagined I would find myself in a situation that would require me to write these words, but life has taken an unexpected and devastating turn. My family, consisting of my beloved husband and our four children - two daughters and two sons - is facing a crisis that we cannot overcome alone.
Our home, once filled with love and laughter, has been shattered. The roof over our heads, the walls that protected us, and the place where our children grew up are lost. We lost not only our home, but the foundations of our lives. Now, we struggle every day to survive, with nowhere to go or a way to rebuild without help.
Our children, who should be focused on school and their dreams, worry instead about where they will sleep or when their next meal will be. The weight of their fear and confusion breaks my heart. As parents, we feel helpless and unable to provide basic necessities for our loved ones.
We are urgently asking for help because we cannot do this alone. We need to rebuild not only our home, but our lives. Every donation, no matter the size, will go directly to providing our children with a safe place to sleep, food to eat, and a chance to dream again. Please, if you can find it in your heart to help us during this desperate time, we will be forever grateful to you. May your kindness and generosity be the light that guides us through this darkness.
Please help me donate and share🙏
Najah
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Thank you
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new and redone bond tags 4/?
#➥ the star. ┊ let us go hand in hand and walk this field of stars as all our fears melt away.#➥ the star. ┊ this constellation of our precious moments strung together looks just like home.#➥ the star. ┊ the light bled from our veins as the distant star on the sunset horizon collapsed.#➥ the star & strength. ┊ underneath the countless stars these sparks ignite to light up our night.#➥ the strength. ┊ our paths diverge but every road leads home; let us meet with our usual words on the usual street.#➥ the strength. ┊ even if we gotta risk it all right now; a pair of sunflowers blooming on the edge.#➥ the devil & knight of swords. ┊ war torn streets and laughter line this brotherhood of ours.#➥ the devil. ┊ there you sit and smile bright; a breath of calm at the center of my raging storm.#➥ the sun. ┊ blank moments line pages of a fleeting story; maybe there are no words for us.#➥ the hanged man. ┊ pull this thread connecting us; i'll push too deep & fall right back to you.#➥ the hanged man. ┊ i watch the world from on high and look down on you behind glided bars of my own making.#➥ the hanged man. ┊ the mortal guise of love and the sun pave the darkest of bloodied roads.#➥ the hierophant. ┊ i've craved blood since i tasted yours; a maddening kind of hunger that brings us to love.#➥ the hierophant. ┊ shadows settle on the place that you left; minds troubled by the emptiness.#➥ the hierophant. ┊ light and darkness intersect in a moment’s flicker and tread a reckless line.#➥ the magician. ┊ let us walk on through a red parade and shed all that once defined us.#➥ queen of cups. ┊ though the world may seek to forget; your name is forever etched into my star.
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blessed be the death of MFT.
buckle up, STBFL, and ultimate weapon nerfs next please. 🙏
#dbd#thoughts about media#ONLY during deep wound? like good bye. most survivors aren't going to bother and will prioritise perks that are more simple and reliable.#this is going to stop a lot of survivors from just relying on this perk- and not any of their own skill- to loop killers forever.#super happy about the garden of joy and red forest changes incoming too.#I could handle red forest just fine with my two mains- ghostface & hux.#but there are some other killers who do not stand a chance on that map because of the sheer size of it.#and the garden of joy is...well it's one of the most poorly laid out maps in the game imo.#that main building window is a fucking ATROCITY.#even hux with rapid brutality & soma family photo struggles to catch up to a survivor looping that fucking stupid window.#and it's not like you can just ensure you ONLY get that map when you're doctor- who doesn't give a fuck about that window.#also very exciting to see trickster is getting a buff. I fear it may be a Little too much but we'll have to see.#I do like trickster because I LOVE awful men but he's SO painful to play with the state he's in on live servers.#and like why would I subject myself to playing a killer whose power barely does anything as opposed to other. better. killers?#ghostface and hux aren't even remotely close to OP but they still get consistent and reliable use of their powers.#even if some fuckhead follows you around to reveal you. you can shroud in chase to hide your stain momentarily and mindgame.#and hux's depleted oxygen tank add-on shuts down exhaustion perk usage when a survivor may most need it. even if they get EMP'd.#hopefully updated trickster will join the pool of killers I regularly play.#so unfair that I can't play him and doctor and equal amount. they are married to me.
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