#i explained to a con acquaintance who i was cosplaying

[blackboard-monitor]

Desucon Frostbite 2025

i managed to beat the kakashi allegations; two and a half people recognised me as Etho!

also featuring: extremely cursed yet canonical shoes, ayy ladders!, Tuff Guy, skeleton friend, and a drink that matches the outfit

thanks to @fairandcruel and @oinanibakamite for photography, and a special shoutout to my little brother who introduced me to ergora

[shiroganeryo]

Hi there. So don't mind me, I was going through your dazatsu art a while ago (both you and your husband I think?) and also saw some of the captions. You said you two met when you were cosplaying dazatsu? I don't mean to sound stalkerish so please feel free to ignore me, but that is about the sweetest thing I have ever heard😭❤️ I would like to draw one of your cosplays as our favorite couple. You could send me a picture you like- paint over your faces if you don't feel comfortable or-

And again and I emphasize, feel free to straight up reject this or ignore it, because I know it's odd. Just wanted you to know how you warm my heart, and I love your artwork as well<3

Have a nice day or night

Hello there! First of all, don't worry about "sounding stalkerish", it's very sweet of you to drop by just to let me (and by extension, us) know about your thoughts! 😊 The thing is, it's not that we met when we were cosplaying; perhaps me saying we weren't a couple yet gave that impression, but since you asked, I might as well tell you the full story?

You may want to sit, it's a little long (though I'll do my best to be brief) 😅

We already knew each other, we had been acquaintances for a long while, actually! We met when we were 14/13 or so (we're 31/29 now, I'm the older one). We weren't really that close, but we were on friendly terms and all that.

I'll skip the very personal bits which includes (but is not limited to) us getting closer to each other and stupidly pining mutually, but the sequence of events that led to it is one (!) of the reasons why I tend to say we're a "dazatsucore" couple. Because:

He was into me > I noticed on the spot, and did nothing > I was into him > he didn't know because I hid the fact > leads to him blurting out a confession thinking he'd be turned down > I do not turn him down but ask for some time to think things through because I want to be sure of my feelings first > not too long after I have an answer.

By the way, everything I'm saying gets even better (and funnier) when you consider I'm the "Dazai" one, while he's the "Atsushi" in this.

Anyways, about the cosplay shenanigans you inquired about; back when we were getting closer to each other (2016ish), I had become interested in BSD but knew nothing about it; I knew he had watched it, asked what were his thoughts on it, he said it was nice, recommended it, etc. He then commented that he planned to cosplay Atsushi, showed me the character and shared his cosplay plans.

I had only watched the opening so far (the thing that led me to ask him if the anime was good), and Dazai was the one who had caught my eye the most, so I said, very offhandedly, that 'hey, I'd be down to go with you to the con, I do entertain the idea of cosplaying Dazai'.

He was like 'woah, really?! That would be so fun!' but also got extremely nervous on the spot. I obviously noticed. You see, my spouse isn't really the type of person who can hide his feelings very well + I'm good at reading through people. We've always been a funny match in that regard, ngl.

From a quick Google search I did to gather references for the outfit, I could tell the two characters were a somewhat popular pairing, so I made 2+2, I also already knew he had a crush on me and just did nothing about it, like I explained above. So he had gotten nervous that people could mistake us for a couple because the two characters are (were? sadly) a popular pairing.

Which I did know... And again, did nothing about because while my suggestion to cosplay together was sincere, having no intentions of manipulating him or anything, that did work in my favor as well so two birds, one stone.

In the meantime, what I told you above happened and we started dating. And, for obvious reasons, we decided to go ahead with the cosplay plans 😌 I've never posted a clear picture showing our faces because we're not the best photographers out there, but here's one of the least terrible ones:

The icing on the cake, that doesn't have much to do with us, but is still something we remember about fondly: we're Brazilian, and Brazil is a very big country. The anime con we were going to attend was the biggest in our country but also some good hours away (a 9 hour travel away to the capital, to be more precise), so we took a bus ride with some people headed there as well. It's common for people to make these "con attendees" group rides and they're always really fun experiences + very cost efficient.

One of the people we befriended on the ride was this girl who, coincidentally, was cosplaying as Chuuya. Since we're a queer couple (nb sapphics who go by he/him pronouns) we didn't know what amount of gay was okay in public, but this one girl knew we were a couple, 100% sure of it and it was genuinely beyond funny seeing her and her friends waiting on us to just do something, anything, that gave the answer away.

We kissed like... once, when they were nearby, and the reactions were priceless, ngl. The euphoric I KNEW IT faces.

Back then we weren't married yet, so no telling rings or anything, but this Chuuya had gotten the vibes somehow. When I asked her how she knew before we even did anything, she said, just like this: 'it's the way you look at each other 🥺'.

I need you to imagine Chuuya Nakahara saying this, with this expression. Makes it all 20x funnier. Also the reason why I usually write him as a wingman/enabler in my fics.

Oh, and about the "he had no idea I knew all along", I did tell him... last year 😂 We were reminiscing about things and he went on a tangent saying something along the lines of 'I feel kinda bad because it was selfish of me but I liked the idea of us being seen as a couple back then so I didn't tell you the characters were a popular ship'.

To which I replied: 'Oh, I knew, don't worry.'

Cue shocked Pikachu meme for my spouse's reaction. I then explained that I was fully aware of everything all along, and he was like 'thank GOD you decided to play along then because I had no idea how to charm anyone' 😂

It feels good to put our silly story out there, I had told this story only to one person in the fandom so far (I won't tag her, but Katsu can confirm we're two dumbasses in love) because I don't usually talk about personal stuff publicly like this unless on a whim but also because, like I said, it's a very long story even with skipped parts.

I hope this was fun to read, at least? 😅

As for what you asked about drawing us, I'll apologize, but neither of us understood exactly what you want to do. If you could elaborate more on it, we'd be grateful and could give a proper response! All in all, thank you for sending the ask, it was really lovely of you to stop by just to say that! 😊

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

Submas Song Sunday #5

Hello and welcome to Submas Song Sunday, where I take a song from my playlist and kinda just talk about how I think it fits the subway bros (or just one of em!)

I might include references to fanfic, or explain an animatic I can think up to the song, or just talk about it!

DISCLAIMER: Nothing on this playlist is intended to portray anything aside from familial relationships. I am NOT looking at backstories of songs, who they were written for, or songwriter’s intent. I go STRICTLY off lyrics and how I interpret them!

You may find a link to the playlist in my pinned post! If you have a song you want me to talk about, send it in :)

Song: Fresh Static Snow by Porter Robinson

Now maybe I’m cheating by picking a song with so few lyrics, but I’ve been working on cosplay all day. It’s con crunch time, cut me some slack!

Of course, this is totally an Ingo song. He’s out there in the highlands, probably thinking about his missing memories in his spare time at least sometimes, wondering exactly what he is missing. Flames.... A man who looks like him... That is all he can go on. But...

You fit perfectly to me in the loneliness, melt this curse away Though I'll never know your name I'll cry for you the same

He feels emotions that seemingly come from nowhere; he no longer can access the memory of the event that caused him to feel them.

He knows he wasn’t lonely in his past life. He gets a feeling of... companionship, when he thinks about the man in white and what must be his pokemon partner. But the curse that is his amnesia gets in the way and he... He IS lonely out there on the mountain.

He loves Lady Sneasler and the sneaslets, but... He genuinely does enjoy the companionship of people, and very few people here truly trust him. Few people here want to get to know him on more than the acquaintance level. Irida would, she’s really sweet and he is so grateful for her giving him this opportunity, and for being the first in the clan to trust him. He’d like to be friends with her but she is busy running the entire Pearl Clan.

(Until the PLA protag drops in, because of COURSE I love uncle/big brother Ingo HELL yeah).

Sometimes, though... Sometimes Ingo cries, and he does not even know why. Sometimes the thought of the man in white does not bring peace, but tears and an emptiness in his chest. He doesn’t even know his name. And yet.

And yet.

Don't move so lightly, static snow, that is your memory Although I know we'll never meet you're in every part of me You fit perfectly to me in the loneliness, melt this curse away Though I'll never know your name I'll cry for you the same

There is a lot of snow, up there on Mount Coronet. Not always; in the summer months, there is none, but... It’s cold. Blizzards are common in the winter. It’s all white.

The flurries remind Ingo of something that he cannot recall. There are no TVs in Hisui, so how could he know what static is?

(I do love the whole memory loss-static imagery, it’s very evocative. Just... nothing, where there should be something.)

Ingo knows that meeting the person in his memories is impossible. It’s so far beyond his powers to get home... AND YET. He cannot let those flickers go.

No matter the degree of memory loss, it is impossible to completely erase a person who has been beside you your entire life.

[theregoesjodariel]

Supergem: Writer’s Notes, Chapters 1-10

Hey gang! It’s a long time coming, but I finally got off my ass and finished the full notes for chapters 1-10 of Supergem, my big huge SU fic. I’m just about to finally get to work on the next batch of chapters, so I figured now would be a great time to look back on what I’ve done so far and provide some hopefully interesting commentary. Read on for that stuff!

Chapters 1-5

Right off the bat, chapter 1's title is a reference to the now-famous single-page retelling of Superman's origin story from All-Star Superman #1. There, "kindly couple" was used to summarize Clark Kent's crashlanding on Earth and discovery by the Kents.

Chapter 2 features what I feel would be the natural result of trying to fire bullets at a Gem: absolutely nothing. While Gems are obviously made of hard light and have been shown to be capable of being hurt by conventional means-- see Peridot getting Wile E. Coyote'd by the corrupted Gem in Beta-- I like to imagine that bullets are simply so small and so high-velocity that they'd pass through Gem bodies harmlessly. The science is probably wrong, but let me have my Rule of Cool.

Aside from sporting the amalgamated personalities of Lapis and Peridot, the two superheroes Turquoise takes the most inspiration from are Superman and Spider-Man. She shows at least some compassion for all people, even bad guys, like Superman, and she throws plenty of quips, especially when getting it handed to her, like Spidey.

As stated in the notes, I do not have a set design in mind for Turquoise, but I DID end up canonizing elements of a couple of designs I really like within the story. She sports the unique five-pointed hairstyle and orange suspenders of ahhween's design, as well as the cool cyan color scheme and water cape of cheerkitty1410's. Those two are just fantastic.

Axinite is a Gem OC of mine, a gladiatrix who fights in arenas on Homeworld, which function as the world's equivalent of recreational sports. A lot of the lore I have for her is regurgitated in the narration.

There are, of course, a couple of lines from "Stronger Than You" in chapter 4. There's the title, plus Turquoise correcting Val that the fight is one-on-two.

When I created the character, I actually completely failed to notice Val's considerable resemblance to Jasper, both in appearance (big, bulky and orange) and personality (haughty, judgmental). Naturally, when it hit me, I wrote in a nod to it in chapter 4.

Chapter 4 sees Turquoise and Val's fight spill into a mall, the very same one from Pearls' Night Out, currently my only other multi-chapter work. Rhiannon and Diane, both OCs from there, also make cameos (Rhiannon is the employee who points Turquoise in Val's direction, Diane is the journalist who interviews her on the street).

Pearl and Jasper handle city planning like military tacticians, because, well, they are military tacticians. They're also very overdramatic about it, natch.

Amazonite is a close friend of mine's gemsona, a former Crystal Gem who retired to become a seamstress after the corrupted Gems were all cured.

A couple of things involving Jasper take inspiration from the excellent Back to Beta. Pearl acts as Jasper's parole officer of sorts, rewarding her with Pearl Points for doing a good job and Jasper has an attachment to Earth music for its ability to say what cannot be said through simple speech, just like in there. Go read Back to Beta if you haven't, it's outstanding (it's also Jaspearl-- look at me go).

In one of many instances of Jodi Doing Too Much Research Into Things That Don't Matter, I actually broke out my copy of SU: Art & Origins to study its map of Beach City to determine just how nitpicky Pearl and Jasper were being.

Why do the Nephrites want to talk to Pearl? Maybe we'll find out....

Garnet "borrowed" Andy's plane to go to Empire City. That's a step up from "finding" a phone, don't you think?

I like to imagine that Bismuth has been rooting for Lapis and Peri to get together since the moment she met them. Her gaydar is just that good.

Believe it or not, I genuinely considered having Turquoise adopt a secret identity at one point during planning. I call myself out on it through Steven in chapter 5.

I knew I just couldn't do this story without Jasper since she is, in a way, the villain (or at least a villain) in Turquoise's origin story. As an abuse survivor, showing the ramifications of her and Lapis' time as Malachite as best I could was tantamount to the main storyline.

Chapters 6-10

The foreshadowing in chapter 6's identity should make Ms. Knight's identity a no-brainer for seasoned SU fans. No one spoil it if you figure it out, though!

Ronaldo is absolutely, positively, 100%, one of the guys who doesn't shower before the convention. That's so him it hurts.

The generally meta premise of chapters 6-9 were the result of me drafting them right after I got home from my city's local big convention, which I had a wonderful time at. I did my first ever cosplay (I was Pearl!) there and managed to hold decent conversations with Zach Callison, Deedee Magno Hall, Michaela Dietz, and Estelle. The layout of DelmarvaCon is even copied from the layout of that convention center.

In one of many moments of narrative intersecting with reality, I did some sleuthing and found that Paulette was, in her very brief on-screen appearance, voiced by Deedee Magno Hall, Pearl's voice actress. As said above, I met Deedee at the con I went to. You know how everyone on and off set never stops talking about how nice she is? They're not exaggerating, she's a fantastic person. Kim Tan is fully based on her, taking her name from a couple of Hall's other roles (Kim in Miss Saigon and a bit character named Lori Tan from an episode of Third Watch) and Lapis and Peridot's encounter with her is based on my own; while she didn't usher us ahead of the line to meet her, she did take pictures of my friend and I's cosplays for free when she was supposed to be charging for them. Seriously, nicest celebrity I've ever met.

Chapter 7 has Peridot riff that she can "observe 800 moving objects and compute their direction of travel," a phrase long used to describe Prowl in the Transformers franchise. It has no character significance here, I was on a Transformers kick at the time of writing.

The uncomfortable pulling sensation mentioned in chapter 7 is called an "itch," a callback to The Itch, the oneshot serving as prelude to this fic. There, "the itch" is used to refer to the deeply unsettling feeling a Gem gets when fitted with limb enhancers-- think the feeling you have or would have felt from a dentist fitting you with those awful rubber bands to help with the braces process, it's that kind of feeling. The feeling being given off by Ronaldo's control device is similar, "adding" to a Gem when nothing need be added.

The long opening narration in chapters 8 and 9 were inspired by the writing style of comic book writer Scott Snyder, who has a tendency to start, end, or intersperse his comics with long, expositional comparative musings on seemingly simple or mundane things (seriously, count the number of times one of his Batman comics opens with narration explaining the philosophical meaning behind the rocks used to make buildings in Gotham City).

The cost of Connie's sword is, as stated in the story proper, a rough estimate borne from around half an hour of research. While there are other pink stones that could've been used, I picked pezzotaite because of its extreme rarity, just to drive home how absurdly all-out Bismuth went on it.

Give Jasper a metal-style song in Season 6, Crewniverse!

I like to think Jasper and Greg would be good friends. Think about it: you've just found out your former moral enemies were not only led by, but had close relationships with, the person you spent your whole life idolizing. Who do you talk to about it? Why not the person who knew her more intimately than anyone else?

At the end of the Turquoise and Steven segment in chapter 10, the two sit down to watch Crying Breakfast Friends' extra-length season finale, in which a number of characters get new outfits. Now what could that be referencing?

The narration of Jasper's thoughts makes reference to the exiled Hessonite, antagonist of Steven Universe: Save the Light and a criminally underrated character.

I'd like to preface this point with a content warning for abuse, as I'll be discussing that a bit here.

So, as I mentioned briefly in the 1-5 notes, I'm an abuse survivor; I broke up with my abuser, who I had been with for just about 3 months, in February of this year. An acquaintance of mine has since drafted a document exhaustively detailing all of the bad shit they did for which receipts could be found, and my abuser has reacted with avoidance, victim blaming, and a refusal to apologize. I wasn't yet aware of just how in denial of her own mistakes they were when I wrote chapter 10, so I tried to write Pearl and Jasper's conversation as how I wished the conversation my abuser had with themselves would go, in a perfect world.

To get reflective for a moment, writing that has taught me, in a way I hadn't seen before, how Steven Universe's real, heartfelt redemption arcs, as fantastically-written and just generally good as they are, don't always apply in real-world scenarios. My shitty ex is not Jasper and they never will be.

[porkchop-ao3]

RickCon’18: Part 2/3

Part one, Part three

I didn't know what else to do, so I followed the crowd. I allowed myself to get swept up in the sea of bodies, treading on toes and getting mine trodden on too. This area definitely seemed clothing-oriented, as I passed stalls selling t-shirts, accessories, and what seemed to be cosplay outfits. I managed to break off from the current to stop at one of the stalls. I browsed through a display of buttons, each one adorned with Rick or Morty based designs, some simply had their faces, some had little quotes or jokes, most of which flew right over my head. I supposed you had to be a Rick… I picked one up with Rick's face on with the words “wubba lubba dub dub”, whatever the hell that meant, and paid the Morty running the stall for it before attaching it to my t-shirt. I figured I should at least be wearing one piece of merchandise, considering I was at RickCon.

 I continued on through the convention center, being stopped once or twice by different Ricks asking if I'd like to exchange dimension codes. It took me until the third time to realise that this was a form of flirting, not just a polite question. I quickly stopped giving out the number on my wristband willy-nilly and prayed that nothing would come of it later. I figured I'd make the most of the strange day and snapped a few pictures with some of the more unique looking Ricks and Mortys; by the time I'd made it to the food area, my camera was filled with pictures. I had photos with a Rick that appeared to be half lizard, a Rick with two heads (and he'd kindly informed me that it wasn't all he had two of), a Morty holding a bunch of cats and a teenage Rick with an elderly Morty.

 I decided to grab myself a cup of tea and take a moment to sit down. I (literally) bumped into a Rick with a bowl cut and bucked teeth on my way over to the seating area. He apologised profusely, even though it was my fault. After making sure he was okay I asked if I could take a picture with him, to which he bashfully agreed, before I let him get on with his day. He was the first mild mannered Rick I'd met all day, and I wanted a photo for proof of his existence so next time Tailor Rick told me it was just in his nature to be rude, I could rub it in his face.

 Sitting alone at a table with my cup of tea gave me plenty of time to people watch. I still hadn't quite wrapped my head around the place, considering I'd only learned about this crazy multidimensional stuff a mere few days ago. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I even fully believed it, I was just going with the flow and ignoring the urge to pinch myself at every new Rick I set eyes on. One was coming right for me, with bulging muscles and a tank top.

 “Wh-what’s up, hot stuff? Saw you at that your lit- your little fashion show.” He said as he approached, taking a seat opposite me and giving me a charming smile.

 “Oh? I thought I recognised you.” I lied, though only out of politeness and because I didn't know what else to say.

 “Couldn't buy anything, of course. None of it'd fit me, you know? Too- too swole.” He said casually, leaning his elbows on the table in a way that accentuated his biceps. I stared for a while, keeping my expression neutral. “I keep telling the guys that run the con; get uh, get some stuff that runs in men's sizes.” He grinned. I laughed, again, mostly out of politeness.

 “So, you come every year?” I asked, and he nodded.

 “Yeah. I actually run a panel most years. Health related, obviously. This year's is on protein shakes, I came up with a new formula, i-i-it's vodka flavoured so I figured it'd be more popular this year.” He explained, and I raised my brows. So, alcohol abuse really wasn't just a Tailor Rick thing. “You should come along, there's gonna be free samples, special offers, and for you, I'll throw in a couple demonstrations.” He winked.

 “Demonstrations?” I questioned.

 “Exercise. I'll uh, I'll be doing pushups and shit, I gotta show that my shakes actually work. Plus, they'll be edu-educational. There'll be plenty of tips.”

 “Oh…” I chuckled and shook my head. “Do I look like I'm into exercise?” I joked, and Rick looked my body up and down, from what he could see with the table in the way.

 “You look like you've got potential.” He concluded thoughtfully, and I didn't quite know what to make of that.

 “Is this guy bothering you?” A hand came down on the table between us, I trailed my eyes up the sleeve of the lab coat the person was wearing (which I'd quickly realised was a staple piece of most Ricks’ wardrobes) to find a lady looking down at me, raising her brow.

 “Oh, no, it's-” I started.

 “Erica, baby, I didn't think you were coming this year.” Buff Rick exclaimed, gaining an eye roll from this Erica person.

 “I told you I wasn't, I-I-I was hoping I wouldn't bump into you. But uh… here we are.” She sighed.

 “Jesus, you get more and more hostile as you get older.”

 “And you get dumber and dumber, move. Gimme that seat. I need a sit down, my knees are fucked.” She grumbled, and to my surprise she got her way. “All those steroids must really be messing with you, you can barely call yourself a Rick these days.”

 “Steroids? Th-that's bullshit, Erica. I got these babies from hard work, discipline, and All Rick's Protein Juice.” He bragged, flexing his arms.

 “Sure. I'm getting a headache; don't you have a panel to prepare for?” Erica asked dryly. Rick opened his mouth, looking ready to deny it, but paused for a second.

 “Actually, yeah. I-I should probably get on that, huh? Can I count on you to be there?”

 “I don't know, I saw a thing about Mortys writing fanfiction that seemed right up my alley.” Erica replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

 “I'll keep my eye out for you, Erica.” He said regardless, pointing at her as he walked backwards away from the table. He gave me a wink before turning around and disappearing into the crowds.

 “Jesus. I-I-I've met a lot of Ricks in my day, and that guy?” She shook her head. “Total idiot.”

 I studied the woman in front of me for a while, trying to figure out who exactly she was. Was she a Rick's sister? Someone cosplaying as a Rick? I wasn't quite sure, and even less sure about how to ask. Luckily, she must've read my confusion in my expression.

 “Smile, sweet cheeks. I-I-I don't like the way you're looking at me.” She teased, pulling something out of her inside pocket. It was a flask. “Yes, I'm a Rick… of sorts. Total sausage fest in here, huh? Nice to see more of the fairer sex showing their faces here.”

 “Oh! Right, yeah, I've passed maybe two or three women since I've been here.” I agreed, once again looking out over the sea of Ricks and Mortys as I had a sip of tea. Erica had a sip of her own drink; by the smell of it, some kind of hard liquor.

 “Most Ricks only bring th-their fuck buddies. Which one are you banging?” She asked. “That bodybuilder guy?” She added, raising her brow.

 “Oh, no! Not him… not any of them.” I admitted, and she laughed.

 “Right, damn it. Thought I might have someone to talk about h-how bad he was.”

 “I'm sorry?”

 “That guy. Muscles. Total fucking Neanderthal in the sack, he-he's like a sex machine and not in a good way. It's like he only knows one rhythm and speed… h-honestly I'm surprised, Ricks are usually better-” she rambled, glancing off past my head as she got absorbed in her descriptions.

 “Alright, I get it.” I interrupted, chuckling.

 “Anyway, h-he's been clingy as hell ever since. I'd stay away, i-if I were you.” She advised, and I shook my head in amusement.

 “Noted.”

 “So, you're not boning any Ricks? That's tough. If you ever wanna taste of what we've got to offer, and uh, forget about what I just said; we don't all suck… I'm happy to pop your Sanchez cherry.” She smirked at me, and I chuckled again, a little embarrassed this time.

 “No, that's okay… Thank you. I'm perfectly happy just, ah, remaining firmly in the acquaintance zone with Ricks.” I said apologetically, offering her a little smile. “I don't know how long I'd be able to keep my sanity, you know? All of this is very overwhelming.” I gestured to the space around us, and she glanced around looking incredulous.

 “Uhh… if you don't mind me asking; you're clearly new to all this. How the fuck did you end up at RickCon if you don't really know any Ricks?” She questioned, leaning forwards on the table interestedly.

 “The Rick from my dimension needed my help with something. He runs a charity auction, selling clothes. I modelled for him.” I explained, and she nodded.

 “Oh right, yeah, the fashion show thing I kept hearing wh-whispers about. I heard Ice Cream Rick got shafted in there by the whole damn room.” She laughed, shaking her head. I frowned, and so she explained. “Ice Cream Rick? Guy in the pink shirt. Uhhh… ponytail, stupid little beard?” She gestured to her chin, and it suddenly clicked.

 “Ohh! I felt so guilty about that! He was saying something to me when it happened… how awkward.” I said, shaking my head and feeling my cheeks warm up.

 “I'm not surprised. Too- too many Rick's think with their dicks. That's golden.” She grinned, then took a peek at her wrist watch. “Anyway, I gotta head off. S-supposed to be meeting Morticia soon, she wants me to go to the humanoid robotics panel, she wants me to build her an anatomically correct android friend.” She said, using air quotes for that last word whilst rolling her eyes. I didn't question her further.

 “It was nice speaking to you, Erica. Uhh, would you mind if we got a photo together?” I asked, holding up my carera with a little smile on my face. She grinned again.

 “Of course not, doll. Bring it in.” She said, holding her arm out towards me. I stood up and she wrapped her arm around my waist as I took our photo.

 “Thank you!” I said, and she waved her hand dismissively.

 “Hey uh, what's your name?” She asked, and I answered without skipping a beat. I found it funny how names just weren't exchanged naturally here, since almost everyone had the same name anyway. “Alright, nice to meet you, (y/n). Maybe we'll bump into each other again?” She said, though looking around at the amount of people here, I doubted we would.

 “Maybe. Enjoy the con!” I replied.

 “You too, sweetie.” She nodded before heading off.

 After she'd gone I realised my tea had almost fallen to an unpleasant temperature, so I quickly drank up the last of it and disposed of my cup in the bin nearby. Again, I found myself with the daunting feeling of not quite knowing what to do with myself. Someone had left a booklet on a table close to me, which I recognised to be the day's itinerary along with a map of the convention center, so I picked it up and had a look through. I wasn't surprised when lot of it went completely over my head;

 Plumbus 101: How to get the best out of yours!

 The Flesh Curtains: Live Performance and Q and A.

 Is Jerry All That Bad? A Debate.

 Lost the Spark? An introduction to sexual cybernetic enhancements. (18+)

 Pocket Morty Battles. Bring your best! (RickCon ‘18 cannot be held liable for loss or damages resulting from Morty battles.) 

 And that wasn't even all of them, the list filled up the whole page. I stuffed the booklet in my back pocket and decided I'd simply walk through the convention until I found something interesting.

 Tbc.

[thirstyfortom]

you're hcs are so cute im always waiting for the next post 💞 can u do a lil RFA + Saeran reacting to an MC who's happy most of the time but finds it draining and recharges by being really quiet and ignoring people? (This is the first time it happened lmao)

Ohhhh I’m totally like that! lol it’s not easy being an introvert, am I right?

Hope you like this:

RFA + Saeran with an introvert MC

Zen

Itwas after a premiere of one of his musicals, you were perfect back there!

Yousmiled to the photographers and even gave interviews, Zen didn’t have to do athing, he just watched you being as good as him at this.

Thenyou two got home and he wanted to comment on everything, what you thought aboutthe musical, if you liked the costumes, the songs and all.

“Itwas cool.” Oh… cool? That’s it?

Apparentlyit was, since you didn’t say anything else. You changed to your pajamas andgrabbed a book to read in the living room.

Hewas tired, and also very worried. Was it that bad? If he knew you would hatethat much, he would have get that another role… but… you sounded so excitedbefore…

“Somethingwrong?” you ask him, now he notices he’s been staring at you for a while, tothe point you let go of your book, concerned.

“I…don’t know. Is there something wrong, babe? What didn’t you like about themusical? The songs? The lines, I know it was a little cliché, but I thought itwas interesting somehow and…”

“Zen,what are you talking about?” “It’s okay, babe. You hated the musical. “No, Ididn’t.” “So why did you say it was cool?” “Because… it was cool?”

 “No,it wasn’t! You hate it! You pretended you enjoy to not make me look like a foolto the press, but you didn’t like it and now you won’t even talk to me aboutit! Was my acting bad?”

Okay,you’re tired, and normally you wouldn’t put up with this drama right now, but…look at him! He’s so worried and… hurt? This is painful to you too.

Thenyou explain about always being like this. You’re an introvert, you can handle afew good hours dealing with people, but after a while, you need a rest from allof this.

Hetotally understands. Sometimes he feels the same, but in a different proportionfrom you, of course.

“I’msorry, babe. I’ll let you get back to your book, tomorrow you tell me what isit about, okay?” he kissed your forehead and let you with your book.

Maybehe can turn the story in it into a musical just for you?

Yoosung

Ithappened after a geek convention.

Hethought you wouldn’t want to go with him, but the minute you walked in, he wasthe one dragged to every single stand.

Youwere so excited, taking pics with the cosplayers, buying doujinshis, evenjoining karaoke contests.

Heswears he fell in love with you all over again. All the guys there wishe theyhad a girlfriend who likes these things as much as you do.

Butas soon as you get home, you just grab your phone and stares at it like yourlife depends on it.

Heasks what you want for dinner. “Whatever. You choose.”

Poorboy is remaking all his steps to know when he screwed up to get you mad. Was hetoo close to that girl with a very revealing cosplay?

Oh…he knew he should have joined you on a duet in the karaoke, but what can he do?He’s super shy!

Hedoesn’t even know where to start his apology, so he does what he knows best:omurice. With a “sorry” and a sad face made of ketchup.

“Whyare you sorry?” you ask, concerned. “I… I don’t know.” Well… this isn’t going anywhere…

“Iswear I had my hands behind my back the whole time with that cosplayer and… I’llsing any duet you want to sing in the next con.”

“Oh…thank you, but you don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. It’s fine, honey.”“But… why are you mad, then?” “I’m not mad, I’m just…”

Oh…now you get it. POOR THING! You two never went to an event this big with thesemany people, so he didn’t know this little feature of yours.

Andwhen you explain, he’s so relieved you’re not mad at him, and he totallyunderstands, these things are pretty overwhelming for him as well.

Youtwo eat the omurice together and lay on the bed a little later, you messing onyour phone, he on his, and you both humming the same song, like a duet.

Jaehee

Thecafe never been so crowded.

Youtwo were taking orders, making coffee, checking the cashier, all at once.

Ifshe had to do this by herself, she’s pretty sure she wouldn’t be able tohandle, but having you smiling like you are in a parade or something gives herthe strength she needs.

Seriously,you’re not even fazed, you keep smiling and being extra nice to even the mostrude customers, and this makes her feel like she should keep up to you.

Sheclosed the cafe with the deepest sigh she could give. Lord! This was tiring!What do you think? Oh… you’re already going away.

Shefinishes closing the store and reaches you in the sidewalk, almost panting. 

Youdon’t even look at her, you keep looking forward with your arms crossed againstyour chest, as if you were… sad.

B-butwhy? Why would you be sad? What happened? Was that customer that rude to you?Oh… no, maybe it was that time when she yelled at you to get the mop to cleansome coffee on the floor before one of you slipped.

Sheknew she was a little rude, but she was just caught up by all the mess insidethe café, she didn’t want to be snappy at you or something.

Butyou don’t know that, so that’s why you’re walking like she’s not even besideyou.

Sohe gives a few larger steps and stop in front of you. You look at her and blinkin surprise. “Jaehee? What’s wrong?”

“I’mso sorry! I didn’t mean to be rude with you, I was just so busy!” she sayshugging you. You immediately blush, she’s not one to PDA like this all of asudden.

“Iappreciate it, but… what are you sorry for, exactly?” “The mop…” “What happenedto the mop?” she lets you go and you stare at each other, puzzled.

Sheexplains everything, then you do the same. Well, she knew you had thistendency, but she haven’t witnessed before, so it was a little surprising tosee you so quiet all of a sudden.

Butas you two get home, she realizes some silence can be good after this long day.So she’s in the bedroom and you’re in the living room, you both reading booksand recharging for what will be, hopefully, another long day tomorrow!

Jumin

Youdropped by his office to lunch with him

Everybodyin his company loves you, because if you showed up, Mr. Han will probably be ina good mood for the whole afternoon and work will be easy to handle.

Soa few employees surround you, asking if you’re okay, if you need anything, howare the preps for the wedding. Just this small talk.

Andyou’re very polite and nice, so nobody ever feel uncomfortable on treating youthis kindly.

Whenyou finally are able to meet him in his office, he promptly goes to you andgives you a peck , which… you don’t respond too much.

“Howis everything, my love?” “Fine.” And you give him this lazy smile, lookingaround everywhere in his office, except him.

Shit!He is late, isn’t he? And you’re probably furious because he always says youtwo will have a calm and nice meal and he never… wait! He’s on time!

Sowhy are you mad about? Is it because you don’t want to have lunch in hiscompany? Well, that can be arranged, he can call the chopper and take yousomewhere. But you sounded excited over the phone, so something happened whenyou got here.

Hum,did one of his employees bother you? Yes, they can do that sometimes…

“Tellme who it was.” That’s all he says, while you stare at your plate. “Who what?”“Who bothered you? It was that blond girl from finance? She does have thistendency to be meddlesome. Don’t worry, my love, I’ll let HR know they need tohave a little talk to her.”

“Ohmy God, Jumin. Don’t fire her!” “So who should I fire?” “Nobody! Nobodybothered me!” “So why are you mad? Did I do something?” “No! Of course not,honey! And… who’s mad?”

“You?When you walked in?” Oh… yeah, that.

Youexplain to him that, as much as you enjoy talking to his employees, all theattention can be very draining sometimes and you just need a little time insilence to recharge.

HeTOTALLY understands it, he even can relate. His acquaintances can be verytiring sometimes.

Soyeah, a silent meal wouldn’t be that bad right now. You two can compensate withdinner in his penthouse when you’ll discus the wedding preparation, anyway.

Saeyoung

Youwere in a car show, he wanted your opinion on the next baby he should get

Thoughyou don’t understand much about cars, you know his preferences pretty well bynow, as he told you a lot about them. Seriously, a lot!

Soyou’re the one dragging him to the cars he might like, considering brand,model, color… yeah, he definitely likes it.

Youhave small talk with the models standing beside the cars and the sellers,and  he doesn’t know who is nicer here.Probably it’s you, since you’re not trying to sell a super pricy car, you’rejust… naturally nice.

Hewants a test drive to this particular car, and when he asks you while theseller is a little away to get the key, he asks what you think. “It’s nice.”

Well,he wouldn’t say it’s “nice”, it’s more like AMAZING, COOLLLLL, A SUPER FINEBABY! And you’re just: “okay, if you say so.” SHIT!

Areyou mad? Why? You didn’t like being dragged here? But you sounded prettyexcited before talking to the sellers… oh… the one who went to get the key wasdefinitely trying to hit on you, you’re uncomfortable, ain’t you?

Youtwo hop in the car and he starts driving, the seller keeps making small talkand you basically ignore everything that’s going on.

“So,what do you think?” the guy asks. “Can I have a moment alone with MY FIANCÉ sowe can discuss this AS A COUPLE?” he emphasizes this words for the guy to takethe hint you’re taken. “Yeah, sure.”

“Don’tworry. I won’t buy this one.” “Why not? You like it!” “If I decide to take it,we would have to sign the papers with that guy and I don’t want to let you evenmore uncomfortable with him.” “Why? He’s not that bad.”

“He’snot? But… why do you look like you want to throw up everytime he opens hismouth?” “Because he talks too much, but I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just… boredwith all this useless small talk and his desperation to you buying the car.”

Yeah,the guy is a little annoying, being nice to him was a burden for Saeyoung too.You’re always very nice, but he knows by now this can tire you a lot.

Andhey, he totally can relate, that’s why sometimes all he needs is his headphonesand a super loud music to recover himself.

Sohe takes the car, he liked it and wanted to take you out of there soon so youcould relax.

 Theway home is quiet, you two are listening to the radio, not talking, justholding hands.

Saeran

Hisfirst RFA party.

Itwas so crowded! He was a little intimidated and anxious, dealing with big noisycrowds was still a journey to him.

 Buta few reassuring kisses from you everytime you passed by him between small talkwith guests here and there, and he felt he could handle this.

Hell,you don’t even need to look at him, just seeing you smiling and talking to theguests as if they’re close friends totally make him feel he got this!

Andhe did, it wasn’t that bad after all, thanks to you.

Hewent to your place after the party. It was comfortable being around you, but hewas still nervous, facing a crowd like that felt less nerve wracking than beingalone with you.

Okay,you telling him to make himself at home and just plopping in the couch to watchTV wasn’t what he was expecting.

Imean, he didn’t know what to expect, but… it wasn’t this, for sure.

It’salmost like you forgot he’s here. Like you are… ignoring him? Why?

Didhe do something wrong? Oh, that rich dude said PDA was unprofessional, but hethought you didn’t give a damn to what Jumin said.

 Didhe do something wrong? But he was pretty sure he was doing good tonight. Wasn’the?

“I’mgoing now.” He said bluntly, heading to the door. “What? Why?” you jumped offthe couch, going after him “I won’t bother you any longer, don’t worry.”“Bother me? But…”

“I’msuch an idiot! I screwed up, didn’t I?” “No! You were amazing tonight!” heblushes a little. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, but why are you ignoring me,then?”

Oh,this poor thing… you explain to him how hard it is to just recover from all theagitation and you need some time to just stay quiet.

 Imean… you’re preaching to the choir here, he definitely feels the same way, hewas so nervous about having to be all lovey dovey with you, he’s relieved thiswon’t be necessary.

Buthe definitely didn’t complain when he woke up cuddling with you in the couch.Just sleeping was a greeeat idea, after all.

[ddrkirbyisq]

Last year's post is here.  Last year, I wrote about how VBall had continued to not be an event where I really catch up with many friends and acquaintances from the dance world, pushing myself every year in dance, how I put a lot into the contests and how they were exhausting. This year I feel like I have a lot to talk about.  Let's see if I can get to it all.  I'll warn you -- it's a bunch. I realize that I don't really know how many of these things I've been to.  This kind of thing is where blog entries really come in handy -- a quick search reveals that it was 2011 when I first attended, so I guess that would make this my 10th VBall.  Yeah, a lot has changed, since then. Like the trend in years past, I did not find this year's Viennese Ball to be a place for me to catch up with a bunch of people.  That didn't really surprise me though -- I think because that's just not something I was particularly looking for.  I think that is perhaps because I realize that the people who I only see at this event are people with whom I only have surface level relations, and that wasn't something I cared to spend a lot of time and energy seeking out here. The beginning of the ball was a bit of an odd experience for me as I got caught in an instance of line con waiting to get in.  It was somewhat of a a humorous experience, holding my Journey cosplay and bag, waiting in a long snaking line -- I felt much like I was at some Anime convention waiting in line for registration (though that tends to happen a bit less nowadays due to a number of improvements in streamlining the process).  I don't normally run into this, but nevertheless, I came prepared -- I plugged in my earbuds and started jammin out to some tunes while playing Puyo Puyo.  Like I said, very very much like I was in line at a con... By the time I got in it was pretty clear that there was little to no hope of really catching much of the opening ceremony and even if there was, it would involve dealing with crowds (mye myeh myeh), so instead I scurried away into a different room.  I am sure it went just fine, as always.  I'd be lying if I said that any of the previous N years of watching opening performances really stuck out in my mind as opposed to just becoming another hazy memory of yet another year.  But I have long since ceased to be the target audience for these kinds of things.  I'll hang onto my memory of Decadance performing "Numb" in 2012 instead, thank you very much. I spent a good deal of my time this year in the contemporary room, not because it was the "cool" thing to do [insert jaded/dogmatic muttering here], but because Lillian Zhu's music selection was simply awesome.  Maybe it helped that I recognized so many of the songs, but even the ones that I didn't, I enjoyed dancing, feeling, and moving to.  I honestly can't remember the last time I ever enjoyed the music at an event this much.  The floor in that room was pretty well filled with people dancing as well, which was a great energy to have.  There is something about having good music and a good energy that really allows for a certain flow state of movement.  I guess I'm just glad I was in the right mood to appreciate it.  I realize that half the time I was just being the weird antisocial weird guy glowsticking off in the corner, but honestly I had so much fun doing that that I didn't really care.  I cracked two pairs of 5-min ultras over the course of the night, and had some really good songs using them. So yeah, it wasn't that hard to choose that earlier in the night over the live orchestral music playing in the waltz room.  Don't get me wrong, the classical pieces are always very pleasant to dance to, and (as always?) I felt bad for the musicians, who certainly deserved some more respectful applause from the dancers. =(  That is something I will have to try and encourage a little more proactively next time.  I do wonder, whether the Don Neely Swingtet had a more respectful reception over in the Swing room, than the Saratoga Symphony did.  I've always been of the impression that swing dancers are generally better with this sort of thing.  A cultural difference, perhaps? But anyhow, the feelings in these songs, while being perfectly suited for this event, are not the feelings that I strive to express with my dance.  I guess it goes back a little more to what I said about opening performances -- everyone's got their own passions, their own aesthetics.  We're all different.  But this event still manages to bring together so many of these different people.  Older dancers who don't even really bother to social dance much anymore.  Fresh faces who have no idea what the ball is like.  Swing dancers, waltz dancers, latin dancers.  I tend to dislike seeing dance events and communities become increasingly insular and catered towards specific groups at the expense of others, so it is nice to know that this event seems to draw out groups of all sorts, though of course not everyone. (though it certainly seemed so at times -- there were more people than ever before packed into the main ballroom, which was part of the reason I ran away to the Contemporary room) I missed Swingtime's performance AGAIN this year -- I seem to just have terrible luck with that.  I peeked into the room, saw that they were already dancing the Shim Sham in there, and said to myself "oh drat, I guess I missed Swingtime's performance, which was before the Shim Sham."  Of course, 40 minutes later as I checked the schedule I realized that Swingtime was performing AFTER the Shim Sham........derp. I entered the Cross-Step Waltz contest together with Talia this year.  My feelings on dancing in the contest this year were overwhelmingly positive, but......complicated to explain.  I guess I can try? Ok, so some background.  There have been a number of issues in past years about a very vague "rule" (if it could even be called that) of past contest winners not being allowed to proceed to the final rounds of the competitions.  I could not tell you what the exact criteria for this was because it was simply not known.  Besides feeling very unclear, it was also an inconsistent thing -- I've placed 1st in the Cross-step contest in 2014, but even then it felt a bit..."off" since I knew for a fact that the most skilled dancers were not in the final rounds of that competition.  In 2016 (?) I chose to "abstain" from entering any competitions at all because I figured if I did that I would maybe be "allowed" to compete normally again??  And indeed, in 2017 I placed 1st in the Rotary Waltz contest.  However, later in 2019 me and my partner would go on to be tapped out early from the Cross-Step Waltz contest because we had previously won a contest....yet, somehow, we were still allowed to place in the Rotary Waltz competition again?? And no, before you ask -- I'm not just being full of myself and thinking that I "deserved" to advanced to the finals...One of the contest judges in 2019 later told me in person that they as a group had decided that me and my partner had to be eliminated because of past results. Anyways, as you can imagine, this all felt very unclear and arbitrary and if I had to guess I don't really think the judges were always all on the same page in terms of knowing what "the rule" was, leading to some....weird situations.  (Judging is an entirely stressful and time-pressured job, so I don't really blame them if that was the case)  I really didn't think it was my place to argue though, and besides, it's just a dumb contest, who the hell even CARES -_-  However, the 2019 instance felt especially....off, especially given the number of strangers who came up to me and my partner afterwards and told us that we should have won.  To make matters worse, a member of the opening committee told me "what was that?  That was messed up." and one of the finalists themselves came up to me personally to tell me (and I quote) "I'm so sorry.  You should have been there instead of me." This was all very....uncomfortable feeling, and I had basically stopped thinking like any of these results meant anything at all besides whether an arbitrary an inconsistent rule had been chosen to apply to me or not.  Dancing in a contest was no longer a question of "will I dance well enough?" or "will I be appreciated enough?", it was a question of "who will randomly be decided to be eligible?"  I had stopped trying to win these competitions because it was simply out of my control. Fortunately, Emily Hu is an amazing Steering Chair and despite having =countless= other more important things to do, she took the time to both solidify a transparent and fair ruling on the matter as well as make a clear and well-written posting regarding the updated restrictions. (which left me and Talia eligible to compete and/or place this year)  THANK YOU EMILY! Which meant I no longer had to worry about whether or not I would be arbitrarily disqualified before I had even done anything.  So did I try my best to win the competition together with my partner this year?  Well................uh......no.  You see, for all the silly paragraphs I've written about this thing, I...kind of hate competing.  I really dislike it.  Truly, the only reason I've still kept doing it for this long is because many people have approached me since our performance in 2017 and told me that it inspired them.  People STILL tell me that today -- even at this very event, someone came up to me and told me that they wanted to dance like I did.  And if my dancing can inspire someone and make them feel like Waltz is the next cool thing a dance they really want to do, then isn't that reason enough? The thing is, though, all of this thinking about "showing the world what waltz can be", trying to be inspiring for others, the pressure to perform well, all of the silliness with the eligibility rules....all of it was really, really, really quite draining.  As I thought about things more and more over the past week, I started to feel like I was doing this for all of the wrong reasons.  I was really just tired of thinking about everyone else except myself. And at some point I realized that I needed to just let it all go and dance for =me=.  Because that is something that I was simply forgetting how to do.  No showing off, no worrying about the audience, no worrying about the judges, no worrying about technique, no worrying about anything except for the one and only thing that has ever truly mattered to me -- the music.  To me, this "contest" was a means of soul-searching, a means of regaining my own agency in something that felt so muddled with external pressures that I had lost sight of myself. Talia was gracious enough to offer her full support and wonderful partnering in my admittedly somewhat selfish pursuit and we danced together -- a dance where we did not strive to push ourselves higher than ever before, but rather sought to be one with the spirit of each of the three songs that were played.  I blocked everything else out and focused on my breathing, and the music.  And I remembered again, why the hell I have been doing this thing for 10 years.  It was a wonderful feeling. And when we were politely told that we were being eliminated, I accepted it with peace, knowing that it was not due to some arbitrary rule that I did not understand, and knowing, that I had proved something to myself.  This silly meaningless contest that I hate how much it bothered me (so stupid!!), finally I could simply look back on it as something that I felt positively about. I chose not to enter the rotary waltz contest this year, because -- looking back on my notes from last year, I had written that it was =damn tiring= to enter to.  I definitely don't regret that decision, lol. Speaking of getting tired, though I had felt a bit tired over the first hour at the ball (it didn't help that that was when it felt the most crowded....soooo many students and people that I didn't know, arghh), the great energy in the contemporary room seemed to carry me through and over to the cross-step waltz dancing and then through the rest of the night. I did however get mighty hungry around 11:30 or so and for ONCE I happened to actually be out wandering about in the lobby when some food was brought out.  I think this is literally the first (or possibly second) time I have ever had a chance to have some of the food at VBall (mostly because I never wanted to bother waiting in line before....)...hey, 10 years in and I can still appreciate something new for the first time, eh?  (that food hit the spot btw, yessshh) Viennese Ball is, like Fanime, one of those events that happens every year, yet still manages to be a little bit different each year.  Perhaps part of that is because of the different organizers that cycle through and work so hard to put on the event itself, but I am sure that a large part of that is also due to the changes in the people attending, as well as ourselves.  Overall I have to say that this was one of the best times I've ever had at a Viennese Ball event.  It makes sense when I think about it, because when I think back to the night, the two things I remember are great dances (shoutouts to all of the wonderful friends I had the pleasure of sharing a dance with), really feeling the music, and pleasantly interacting with a few people one on one.  What more could I really ask for? ... I wrote on Saturday night that in addition to having proved some things to myself that night, I had also learned some new things.  Sometimes, ....sometimes, being my quiet and supportive self is not enough.  I have said again and again that growth must come from a place of comfort, and I will be the first to tell you that there are many days when I simply need to take care of myself, and that to do so I must find inner peace in a type of "tranquil complacency", as it were.  Being approachable takes effort.  Interacting with people is tiring.  After 10 years of dancing, even the simple act of asking a friend to dance somehow devolves into some sort of herculean effort.  But do you know what else takes a lot of effort?  Doing the right thing.  Being supportive of others.  Striving to be inclusive of people from all walks of life.  Making a newcomer feel comfortable.  Calling someone out when they are behaving inappropriately.  It's easy to be a bystander, and there is nothing wrong with that.  Some days I really need nothing more than to bystand to my heart's content.  But on the days when I have the strength, I've learned that I sometimes need to take a step out into the light.  For the sake of all of the other people...some who, like me, hide in the gentle darkness, and others who dare to stand in the warm heat of the sun. For I know, that the one who lives inside of me, is not simply quiet and shy, but also compassionate and supportive. .... Thank you to Emily, Filip, and the countless others who made my 10th Viennese Ball stand out a little more amongst all the others.  This is one for the books...