#i experienced too many sensory things today while out and it was the Worst | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pikapals16 · 4 years ago

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Just When It Gets Better, It Gets Worse (not finished)

tw: non-con, abuse, self-harm, sensory overload/panic attack, suicide attempt (these were planned tw's so not all of them are in this draft, but just to be safe)

A summer day spent at the mall with her visiting family should've been fun. It probably would've, excluding her past and her parents' denial that anything of any sort happened.

This isn't the case if you couldn't tell.

Kat's family was walking through the mall center when a group of people catches her eye. It's not like this group came together, they're all gathered up and definitely staring at something. Normally Kat would just walk on pass, but the sound of distress convinces them to sneak into the crowd.

After scooting to a place where she can observe, they see the subject of curiosity is a girl, about her age, and who's clearly in a sort of panic attack. Her hands are clamped and pulling at her hair, her body rocking back and forth.

The girl in pink watches as someone tries to approach her before someone else yelling back.

"Don't get close! She's probably one of those weirdos with autism." Kat pushes down their anger at the offhand comment. This girl doesn't deserve that, she's already in distress. Kat looks around for anyone the girl could've come with, as it is very unlikely that she'd have come alone

She sees two men, mid to late fourties, frantically looking around for something, which puts them as the most likely possibility. They consider going up to them to inform them of the situation, but she figures they already know, explaining the distressed look on the their faces (and assuming that they are who this girl arrived with).

Kat digs inside of her bag, looking for something that might help ground the panicking girl. Nothing that'd be remotely helpful, and she never brings their stress ball or fidget cube with their parents around. Something about disbelief in non-physical diseases, but she'd rather not risk it.

What they do take out though, is one of those toy rings with googly eyes. To be frank, Kat isn't sure why she has the old toy in her bag, but perhaps it will help the girl calm down? It's not like they have anything else to use.

Slowly, Kat slips closer to the girl, choosing to ignore any comments made, and sits in front of her, making sure to maintain distance to not make her feel uncomfortable.

Admittedly, they haven't been in a situation even remotely similar, but they've read some articles that give her an idea of what to do. The rest, she's just winging it.

Slipping the ring onto her finger, Kat raises their hand.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Goggles." Kat opens and closes her hand to imply that it's the one speaking. As it does, Kat can see the girl look up in curiosity. They guess that it seems to be working. "What's your name?"

Kat cringes a bit, this girl is probably a college student, she doesn't need to be dumbed down.

"C-Cathy." Cathy's eyes seem to light up at the character. Although her hands haven't moved from their position, they've stopped pulling, and her rocking looks like it's slowing down. Kat smiles at her, hoping she recognizes it.

She takes the ring off of her finger, and holds it out in their palm, offering it to her.

"You can have it." They say just loud enough for Cathy to hear. The latter looks at her in confusion. Why would the pretty girl be giving this to her of all people? She doesn't even know her. "It's okay, really."

At this point, Cathy's hand have since released from her head as she contemplates this. Hesitantly, she reaches out, causing Kat to scoot forward so she can hand it to her.

Cathy curiously spins and shakes the toy before putting the ring on her finger, like the pretty girl had. She opens and closes her hand, and her heart seems to flutter--at both the shaking sound of the googly eyes, and the little character that appears on her hand.

Kat smiles when they hear quiet coos coming from Cathy's mouth. What she did seemed to work, and she's calmed down.

Speaking of which, they should probably go and find their parents before she gets punished. Again. Yet, there's something that draws her towards this...stranger. She can rule out love, as she identifies as demisexual, but they're tempted to stay here in their little bubble.

Without any outside influence, just them-

"Oh my god, thank you." The two middle-aged men briskly walk over, one of them kneeling to communicate with Cathy through what looks to be sign language, and the other turning his attention to Kat.

Feelings and memories are shoved down into the archives of Kat's mind. She doesn't need or want to remember, and this guy shouldn’t have to worry over another panic attack.

”Thank you so much for calming her down. My husband and I really appreciate it. Not many people have enough patience to deal with our daughter’s autism.” The thought of these two men being married and raising a child calms some of Kat’s nerves, but just some.

”You’re welcome. Does she go to school here?” Kat curses at themself for asking that, but surprisingly the question isn’t taken a wrong way.

“No, we’re just visiting friends.” The other husband mentions as he helps Cathy up. “But thank you for being so kind. It’s rare that people listen.” Oh. Kat would know that firsthand. The countless times it’s happened.

“Yes, for sure.” Is what she settles with. They don’t need to know. “I should get going though. Wish you all the best!” With the goodbye, Kat runs off to find their family, praying they didn’t notice her absence.

But of course, they did, and while she’s being scolded at, Kat lets her thoughts take over for a bit. It’s not like it’d end any differently. It’s always the same punishment and Kat hates it each time.

They’ve felt nothing for the past couple of years but today just seemed to be different. An unlikely meeting, yet Cathy seemed to have an effect on them. And they only met for a couple of minutes if anything.

They don’t know why she’s putting so much thought into this.

What are the odds of them meeting again anyway?

Kat walks up to their meeting spot for lunch. She doesn’t have friends, acquaintances really, but they eat with them to trick themselves into thinking they are her friends. That she’s not completely alone. To distract herself from other things.

Right before they sit, Kat sees someone else, seated by themselves. People walk past without so much as a second glance, and Kat can’t take their eyes of them. They have brown curly hair, and they’re wearing a blue hoodie, which in itself is a bit odd for August.

Kat fiddles with their pink crop top. She sees herself in this mystery person. The emptiness and loneliness. Perhaps if they help the other, maybe they’ll feel less damaged as well.

”Do any of you recognize them?” Most of them don’t, but someone claims to have seen her in their creative writing class, and another claims that she has ASD. “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

The girl in pink sees the strange looks from their lunch mates, but like she’s done before, it goes ignored.

"Hi." The girl on the bench looks up at the new voice. "Can I eat lunch with you?" The brunette scoots over and pats the empty space for her to sit. As Kat sits down, the other can't seem to take her eyes off her. She's pretty.....and someone she hasn't gotten the chance to thank yet.

Quickly the girl in blue digs through her bag, looking for a certain item that a certain someone had given her on a certain summer day at the mall. She shakes the rings back and forth to get the pretty girl's attention.

"Oh. Wait." Kat takes a better look at the girl she's sitting next to. No wonder she felt familiar. "We met over the summer. Cathy, right?" Cathy nods, smile growing on her face. "Well, I never told you my name, so I guess I'll do that now. Hi, I'm Kat. She/they pronouns."

"She/her." Cathy points to herself as she speaks, to make sure that Kat didn't think that Cathy didn't support their pronouns. "And thank you." Kat tilts their head in confusion. "For Mr. Goggles and helping me during my meltdown. You kinda saw me at my worst."

"Oh um, it's nothing." Lie. "Hold on, I thought you were just visiting?" ..Not a complete lie, she put some pieces together.

"My dad got a job here and my pop didn't want to be more than an hour away from me because....you know." Cathy realizes she's been stimming, but doesn't stop her actions, rather glancing at Kat to see her reaction. Nothing. Kat's eyes never leave Cathy's, well really her head since the latter isn't a fan of direct eye contact.

And that's another thing. Kat doesn't force eye contact like the other's experienced so many times before. Cathy's met very few people who are similar, and she holds them all close to her heart.

"Yeah."

The two talk for a little longer before departing for their separate classes. 'Two' honestly refers to Kat leading the conversation and Cathy commenting when prompted, but neither really care. They make sure to exchange numbers, but little did they know how much they would end up depending on each other.

She was minding her own business, honest. Cathy was never one to go into crowded places alone, for obvious reasons, but this is the easiest and closest place for her to meet with her new friend.

The ever so increasing volume of the area starts to bother the blue girl, so she takes out her headphones, blocking out most of the noise. She checks her watch again. Kat’s still not here?

Her initial thought is that Kat blew her off, but they’ve made it very clear that she’d never do something like that, not without explanation. To steer her thoughts away from becoming too overwhelming, Cathy plays with her fidget cube inside her pocket.

It’s never completely gone, but Cathy’s certainly learned how to handle her ASD better. Or at least, so that she can prevent any public outbreaks.

Unlike some people who just haven’t grown up from high school behavior yet. This particular guy thinks it's funny to copy her very subtle stimming. Just your typical jackass.

"Dude stop, she hasn't done anything to you." And that, would be the arrival of her friend. Kat turns to Cathy, tilting their head in the direction of her dorm, and the pair starts walking away. "He didn't make you uncomfortable, did he?"

Cathy shakes her head, and the two walk in silence. The silence isn't all that bad or foreign, but rather a comfort to the two. Of course, until the unsuspected thunder. Seriously, they don't know why they bother listening to the weather reports at this point.

In instinct, Cathy takes off her jacket and wraps it around Kat before pulling the both of them into the dorms.

"Cathy, you can stop running, we're inside now." Cathy doesn't stop. She doesn't want anyone else to see what she's done. No one's seen it. Not even her parents. She keeps her same pace until she's navigated the halls to Kat's dorm.

Only then does she let go.

And she immediately regrets it.

"Cathy...." Without the long sleeves as a cover, Cathy's scars are exposed. Even as she tries to hide it with her hands, they're still visible. She does nothing except curl in on herself, soft noises coming from her mouth. Kat does nothing except open the door, trying their best not to stare so hard.

Thank goodness her roommate is out of town, that would've made for some awkward conversation. Kat and Cathy walk in, the latter with a brisk pace, the former with a moment of hesitation.

"You did that yourself, didn't you?"

and that's where i gave up, basically, where i was going with this was that cathy opens up about the self-harm, then kat opens up about her trauma yea, they're friends! cathy is a year older than kat, so she graduates and although they still talk, it's not as often as kat would like. long story short, kat starts to feel lonely and depressed again, and they feel so disconnected from the world that she kills herself by overdose. little does she know that cathy and her friends were just on their way to surprise them, but see kat just in time for it to happen. cathy runs up, and begs kat to stay with her (the others are calling an ambulance) and kat's like "shit no, wait, you're here" then black out.

whether or not kat survives is up to interpretation! or....would've been hehe. idk, i'm kinda rambling now, but yea here's an abandoned oneshot

#six the musical #six fanfiction

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neednothavehappenedtobetrue · 3 years ago

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literally why can you not put cuts on mobile!

PLEASE NOTE: this post requires many and various trigger warnings. the ones that are obvious to me are unreality and discussion of past suicidality. there may be others that I am not noticing because of being tired and absent. also it is a very long post. proceed with caution if you choose to at all

okay! it is time for a short sleep/long nap now!

when you wake up, inform maintenance and also building friends about the problem with your bathtub, which is that it is very broken!

it is not broken in a way that will get worse if you ignore it for four hours because of being asleep, but it is broken in a way that means you absolutely cannot bathe in it until maintenance fixes it, which will happen on Monday, but not before.

you can independently fix the problem in the medium-term, for a version of “independently” that involves the nice maintenance people who are paid to fix this kind of problem, and does not involve asking your friends for help or inconveniencing anybody.

it is not inconvenience to ask the maintenance people to fix the problem, because that is literally their job and you will be patient and polite. “availing yourself of services from people who are paid by their job to do that thing” is not by itself a bad thing to do nearly all of the time, as long as you’re basically courteous and they are paid appropriately.

experiencing some scrupulosity there, huh, buddy?

anyway, you can act today to make the central problem (bathtub broken) be fixed on Monday. this does not actually solve the related secondary problem, which is “you are super sweaty and gross, have not bathed your whole self in, uh, a while, there is only so far that washing up without a real bath will get you and you are well past that point”

for those reasons, you were very much hoping to take a full bath today, the kind where your whole self encounters water. this is impossible to do as planned, because, again, bathtub broken!

possible solutions

-just feel disgusting for literally one more day and then Definitely Monday Bath.

pros: you will not have to ask for things or bother anyone. cons: the general sensory experience of being this dirty.

you probably will not notice it half of the time, because of being extremely very checked out of your body, but you will notice it more of the time than you might prefer and also continuing to have a very bad body experience will not help you to remain in your body or feel at all good about yourself, two things which it is often helpful to do.

you cannot actually solve problems you have created by ignoring your body through ignoring your body more. at the very best, it will solve those specific problems in a temporary way and also probably create larger future problems.

further solutions:

- a shower maybe?

pros: probably a thing that is possible, does not require you to ask for anything. cons: will almost definitely make the “bathtub broken” problem harder to deal with, if you do this maintenance may experience unhappiness at you with words, or about you, secretly.

these are two bad, but technically feasible solutions, good to have in your back pocket. however, there is a third solution which, while still not an ideal one, might not actively worsen anything like the others will.

-ask your friends if you can take a bath in one of their apartments

pros: one of them will probably, although not definitely say yes. almost definitely nobody will be actively mad at you for asking, you will experience cleanness and its positive ripple effects on embodiment and self-esteem. cons: you will have to ask for a thing and communicate about the needs you have. if you do that too many times or too often, you will reach the danger point where nobody likes you or wants to help you, at which point you will literally die, possibly after a long period of increasing problems and general badness, so that you suffer the correct amount before dying.

there. now that you’ve typed that all out, do those cons seem like “nonsense mental illness noise” rather than “a thing that will happen in real life”

maybe. does this mean there are different, less dramatic but still negative real-life cons which you cannot identify because of being unable to hear them over the noise?

it is impossible to say! you are not at the point where you are delusional or totally without insight, you’re pretty sure. for soothing purposes, let’s make a list of things you know right now.

you know that zoning out for entire days, barely eating or sleeping, not bathing, and generally neglecting your life are all Problems To Be Doing. you are also pretty sure you are not an irredeemable monster. these are good things to know, and you should hold onto them.

you are not abusing or neglecting any children in your care or, in fact any people at all, probably. also there are no children in your care. you are not currently pregnant, or about to be whisked into an alternate universe where your life is worse. you are not covered in bugs, having realizations about the fundamental truths of the universe, or terrified of falling down a staircase to the point where you refuse to step on one. you are not talking to paintings, talking to God, or making preparations to become the ruler and protector of a magical world. you know all of these things! good! if you stop knowing them, please tell someone immediately, preferably your doctor, rather than blog strangers.

you are not suicidal at all (good! tell someone if that changes). you are harming your body in a passive, zoned-out bad choices way, but you are also not in danger of deliberately self- injuring, taking a lot of pills, or jumping off a building. you will not do those things right now, which is good!

there are some good things in there! all of the many things you know now that you once didn’t are good!

there are also definitely some bad things in there. the biggest, worst one is the significant way you are harming your body and neglecting your responsibilities due to being as zoned-out as you have ever been.

also, you are a little bit shaky on the knowledge/belief that you are not abusing or hurting anyone right now besides yourself. you keep forgetting that it matters if you harm yourself, for one thing. it also feels manipulative to talk about this, like you are trying to convince the people you are hurting to console you for hurting them.

you are for sure a bit shaky on the “you are not a monster,” part of things. it might be a true thing, but you do not know it like you do the other things.

however! a thing you know is that you cannot entirely trust yourself right now. you might be as bad as you think, or not as bad as you think but still bad. you might also be basically fine, the normal amount of bad that people are as a rule.

you should not obsess over which of those things are true. you should nap now, for a bit, so you are less likely to get fast and incoherent later. finish this post and do that.

post-nap, talk to your friends about bathtub problems, and inform maintenance so they help you.

FINAL NOTE: check-ins in general are good. you cannot convince me that I am not a bad person, not with logic or kindness or love. you cannot do it and might make it worse if you try, because of the thing where bad people often convince other people to love them. you will not find a loophole in this one, please do not try. thanks.

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treeni · 4 years ago

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A Lifetime of Love

Day 5 - Any intense emotions your soulmate feels you will also experience.

Logicality

Wordcount: 4524

TW: Mentions of death emotionally affecting characters.

Summary: Logan has felt his soulmate’s love nearly all his life. He just didn’t realize it until that love turned into heartbreak.

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taglist: @tsshipmonth2020

Why does Logan’s soulmate feel so much?

It was a near constant struggle for him as he had to deal with strong waves of intense ups and downs. He would almost use the idiom “extra” to describe it. The whole ordeal was borderline debilitating Logan’s ability to keep his focus.

He could not see a reason that anyone needed to feel so strongly.

Logan took a deep breath to try and calm a racing heart that was out of his control and pushed his coffee away with a frown. This menace needed to be stopped. How could he work like this? How could he attend to his patients?

He felt the cardiac quickening still and groaned. If it did not slow soon he was figuratively certain that someone would need to call a crash cart.

Maybe literally certain.

It was too be seen.

“Hey doc!” A cheery voice said to his left just as he heard the telling ‘clunk’ of a plastic tray hitting the table to reveal a face he recognized.

Scrubs. Curls. Light hair. Bracelets. Alto. Freckles. Vanilla. Smiles. Soft.

Friend.

Patton.

Nurse Patton. His mind reminded him as it instantly cycled through the immediate sensory details he most associated with his table mate.

Patton was a near constant source of smiles and warmth to those around him. He was a favorite among patients who would often come in even after their recovery to deliver tokens of appreciation and occasionally gifts that were more intimate. Logan could remember a particular nuisance who was overly forthcoming with their affections, to the point that Patton sometimes appeared uncomfortable. Sometimes Logan felt uncomfortable too just seeing the displays. The ward nearly had to dispose of a ridiculous number of roses when the man thought he was being romantic with a display that engulfed their waiting room in the flowers. It was a nuisance for the staff to deal with and potentially endangered the lives of anyone who needed life-saving emergency services at that moment, or anyone who was simply allergic to roses. Thankfully no one was harmed in the end. Instead, Patton showed his quiet brilliance when instead of tossing them all, he suggested instead to divvy them out to the hospital rooms to cheer up the patients. Many people expressed gratitude for the gesture and were generally more open to the medical suggestion of the hospital’s professionals. Though, Patton insisted he simply wanted to make people smile. Logan agreed that was probably the case.

Despite all of the good it did, Logan was not the least bit sorry to see that particular suitor leave.

“Doc? You okay?” the cheery voice asked and Logan blinked.

He had been been swept up in his thoughts.

“My demeanor and functioning is slightly less than satisfactory today,” Logan replied.

He didn’t quite understand the strange way Patton quirked his lips into a half smile, but Logan did understand that the small snort that Patton made was somehow at his expense.

“Feel like sharing with the class?” Patton asked, tilting his head to the side just so, the way he always did when he was really paying attention to what was being said.

“I do not believe that sharing my turmoil during my afternoon lecture would be appropriate.”

Patton snorted again and Logan found he didn’t mind when his shoulders shook with near-silent giggles. Even if it was at his expense.

Even on days when his soulmate bothered him with needless intense emotions, Patton always seemed to assuage the pesky feelings and replace them somehow as a bubble of joy settled into his chest that Logan was certain was all his own.

“I meant it as a turn of phrase doc,” Patton said with a toothy smile that Logan understood from experience was a show of his amusement. “What’s got you down?”

Logan squinted at Patton, trying to decide how best to approach the topic. The media always portrayed soulmates as endlessly beautiful, wonderful things and Logan just found the whole thing... absurd. However, he was not at all certain how Patton felt about the subject. He was an inherently emotional being, it was part of what made him such an effective nurse, being able to connect and empathize with the patients. However, it was also his downfall as Logan watched every failure... every death affect Patton on a personal level. Logan has held his friend many of times, exhausted and sobbing during the night shifts as another patient died in his hands. The empathetic nurse always handled losing children the worst.

Surely someone as emotionally driven as Patton would subscribe to the popular opinion of soulmates, would he not?

Logan was uncertain.

“I have found myself fatigued recently by my soulmate’s emotional turmoil,” Logan replied finally.

Many would consider such an admission blasphemy. Even if he was unsure of Patton’s feelings on the matter he was certain to find out now. Additionally... he trusted Patton to understand his intentions.

The nurse was perplexingly astute at understanding intentions.

Patton’s eyes were instantly blown wide as he sat up straight and pulled further away from Logan’s immediate personal bubble.

Maybe he would not understand after all.

Logan felt a pang of... something. He was not certain it was his own emotion, but the immediate disappointment running through his veins was palpable.

“It’s... it can’t be that bad can it?” Patton asked, with a small laugh with twiddling fingers that for Patton, signaled nervousness rather than the joy usually associated with laughter.

“I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong with them experiencing emotions,” Logan corrected, uncertain if emotions can even really be considered “bad.” He prescribed more to the ideology that it was a person’s actions that defined them, rather than their internal monologue. “It is just that I have found myself distracted by both the strength and range of emotions they have recently imparted onto me. It can be... difficult to concentrate with the physical symptoms that some of the emotions cause.”

“Mmmm,” Patton hummed in reply as an audible agreement. “Tell me about it.”

Patton moved slightly closer again, back to his position from before and placed his chin in his hand with the half-lidded gaze that meant he was considering the topic deeply. While he appreciated the thought Patton was putting into forming a response, Logan was more relieved that Patton had not abnegated their friendship the way he initially feared.

“Have you experienced anything similar with your soulmate?”

Fear, no... hesitation seemed to work its way into Patton’s expression as he met Logan’s eyes from underneath his lashes. The pair stared for several seconds, both doing their best to read the other. It was sometimes a struggle, Logan knew. He often found emotions difficult to understand, like a language he was inarticulate in. Reading Patton was... admittedly easier than most. The two spent so much time together that Logan had learned to understand many of his emotional signals, what small gestures and certain tones meant.

Logan would never admit it out loud, but his understanding of Patton’s expressions was so prevalent that he had started internally matching other people’s emotional reactions to his curly haired friend’s. It honestly helped his navigation of the unfamiliar territory.

Logan swore he could hear an ambulance siren alarming in his head when Patton looked away and murmured, “Sometimes they get angry.” while clutching his chest, just over his heart.

At first, he was uncertain how he should respond. Logan found himself experiencing an irrational desire to build walls around Patton. To create a space for him that he could curate and fill with all of the things that brought his friend joy, to protect him from such ugly emotions and particularly protect him from such an undeserving soulmate. Logan was certain that someone as patient and good as Patton deserved to feel nothing but emotions that were as equivalently kind and soft as he was.

Logan knew such a feat was impossible though. Patton would never realistically be happy in such a state. He loved the world, no matter how barbarous and unkind it could be. Patton strived to make it a more benevolent place and his presance alone made his goal a continually successful one.

Logan found himself reaching for Patton’s hand unthinkingly, a mimicry of a gesture Logan had seen the curly haired man used to console his patients.

“Are you safe?” He asked in a low, murmur. He was uncertain who Patton’s soulmate was, or where they might be, but he had to be certain that his friend was in no danger. Logan was more than willing to act as a metaphorical shield to help him reach safety should the man require it.

A literal one too.

Patton was giggling at his expense again.

It was an unexpected and yet somehow favorable outcome of the conversation.

Only when it was him though.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing so dramatic. No danger on my end, I live alone. No partner or anything. Not even a house cat.” Patton admitted, and patted the hand Logan offered him. It seemed to be some sort of consolation for his efforts. “I just worry about them sometimes, ya know?”

Well... no he did not.

He had not even considered applying concern to the disembodied entity that plagued him with unwarranted emotions. Instead, his immediate reaction had been mainly ire. Logan was diligent with his work and often took on additional duties at the hospital while maintaining several personal projects. Logan’s main focus had been on how his soulmate’s emotions had interfered in his ability to effectively complete everything he intended.

Perhaps that was the wrong perspective to take.

Logan had not even contemplated why the person he was spiritually bound to was feeling the things they did before that point. Patton truly was remarkably astute in many ways that were out of Logan’s reach. His friend always seemed to find a perspective on things that he did not initially entertain. It was quite an admirable quality.

A soft beeping noise interrupted Logan’s thought process as the pair both immediately checked their pagers.

“Well, that’s my cue I guess,” Patton said and cast his uneaten meal a longing gaze as he pushed himself up from his seat. Patton gently hip-bumped Logan’s side affectionately before taking his tray to the disposal and dumping the various items into the most appropriate containers.

That would not do.

Logan and Patton’s occupations were both difficult enough when they were working at their best. Patton did not need the strain of a missed meal impairing his professional ability and physical condition. Logan mentally added the task of procuring Patton a meal to his mental to-do list. Something that could be consumed without inhibiting his duties. Perhaps a smoothie that could be kept at the nurses station?

Logan’s eyes wandered to the nearest wall clock as he considered his options, but realized that he too needed to be on his way. He barely had time to retrieve his annotated materials before the lecture that was meant to present in less than a quarter hour. He rose without hesitation and took long strides to quicken his pace as he headed toward his office.

“-in conclusion, this medication, though still in the experimental phase is predicted to decrease the symptoms of both conventional insomnia, that a great proportion of adults suffer from, but also lessen the affects of fatal familial insomnia. Though the condition may be rare, before now modern science has had very little to be able to treat the disorder with effectively. If testing goes as predicted, we will finally be able to offer those suffering it a small respite from their symptoms.”

Logan completed his lecture and clicked the universal remote in his hand a final time to turn off the smart board that displayed his power-point and reignite the room’s lights in turn. Logan let himself smile in appreciation as the room’s occupants clapped a bit more enthusiastically than what would be qualified as simple politeness. They truly seemed to be enthused by his work and Logan was relieved to not be the only one.

“Questions?” Logan asked as the room began to quiet down and immediately several hands shot up.

However, Logan’s eyes widened slightly as he felt something bubbling in his chest. It was something foreign, something that did not belong to him.

Oh no.

A desperate laugh exploded out of mouth without his permission as the entire room looked on with bewilderment. Logan doubled over as several more hysterical laughs followed. He tried to repress it, to force himself to stop, but he could not quite hold back the near spastic convulsions as grating shrieks escaped his throat.

When it finally subsided, he took several deep breaths to try and regain his bearing. Instantly he stood straight with squared shoulders, trying to recover the serious atmosphere he had previously conducted with. One glance at his audience however proved that it would be of no use, they were all grinning at him with twinkling eyes. Some had shaking shoulders, others hid their mouths behind cupped palms and they were all laughing at him.

They were all laughing at him.

“Excuse my behavior,” Logan said and swallowed hard as his gaze drifted to the floor. “It seems my soulmate has suddenly found something immensely amusing.”

There were a few sniggers and guffaws that that response, though most tried to politely stifle their snickering.

They were all laughing at him.

“I believe I need to extract myself while they resettle, so I will conclude this lecture here. Please direct any of your unanswered inquiries to my email and I will respond at a later time.”

From there, Logan simply walked out without a glance in his audience’s direction or even parting word. His gaze stayed mainly trained on the wheel-worn tile as his feet automatically guided him on the route he knew so well, leading him straight to his personal office within the facility. He quickly slipped in and tucked the door closed behind him.

Then his clipboard was immediately flung across the room as he banged his back against the heavy wood of his door. He wanted to break something. He wanted some kind of physical stimulation that matched the fire burning inside of him. Logan’s mind flew through the images of himself turning over his office, leaving ripped papers, knocked over bookshelves, and even a broken desk chair in his wake to express the frustration that was entirely his own. However, he stopped himself, allowing his forearm to instead hit the solid wooden door only once.

The sting helped.

Then, all at once, his own wave of emotion subsided. He felt heavy and shaky at the knees. Logan leaned his weight more fully on the door for support as he slumped against it. He needed a moment.

Emotions were exhausting.

He was not certain how long he stayed against the door, seconds most likely, but it felt much longer. Logan was not truly ready to move, but he suddenly heard the faintest dripping noise and it consumed all of his attention as if there was nothing more important.

Oh.

He was crying.

Or more accurately his soulmate was, but he couldn’t fathom why.

They had just been so joyous mere moments ago. Unless-

Unless....

Was it possible they were crying because they felt his own lividity?

Logan tried wiping the tears away with a disposable tissue from the box on his desk. It proved to be a useless endeavor however as the tears refused to stop. He felt the full weight of grief expanding uncomfortably in his chest, putting pressure onto his lungs. He found he could only drag in short breaths that were barely sustainable for his respiratory system. He needed-

He needed...

He needed Patton.

Patton would know what to do.

After dabbing his eyes with the tissue one last time he slipped out the door, taking the short walk to Patton’s station. Logan kept his head down, hoping no one noticed the physical display of emotions that streamed down his cheeks.

When Logan made it to the counter of the nurses’ station, he relieved to see only Andy sitting at the ready, the only nurse who actually enjoyed working the night shift as far as Logan was aware. It was odd to see him on a Tuesday afternoon, but Logan would not complain about his fortune. Andy was unlikely to judge him. The young nurse barely had his feet in the door, but immediately took all of the oddity of medical professionalism in stride. He almost seemed to enjoy the full moons where the placebo effect drove in the results of all sorts of illogical and often insane behavior.

Andy glanced up and Logan the dark circles under his eyes looked more prominent somehow. He wordlessly pushed a box of tissues toward Logan.

The doctor ignored them.

“Where’s Patton?” Logan asked in low voice. There was no need to draw unnecessary attention.

Andy stared back blankly, but could not hide his eyes glancing down once instinctively.

Logan leaned over the desk and found all of the air rapidly leave his lungs as if someone had hit him in the stomach at full speed with a gurney.

There was Patton, scrunched up on the floor beneath the desk in the fetal position. His glasses were crooked on his forehead as he bawled into his knees with an endless stream of tears running down his cheeks.

The very same tears running down Logan’s own cheeks.

He did this.

Logan fell to his knees and reached for him. He had to stop it. He had to help. He had to... he didn’t know what.

Something.

Logan attempted to place a hand on Patton’s knee as gesture of comfort, but it was as if lightning had suddenly struck Patton with the way he had jumped, cracking his head against the back of the desk.

Logan winced. He was certain that did not help Patton’s emotional state.

Patton gave Logan a miserable look as he tried shuffling away, curling further against the back of the desk that he was already leaned against as if Logan’s hand were some kind of predatory creature that was encroaching on his space.

Logan let his hand fall away.

Patton tucked his nose against his knees and stared up at Logan once again from beneath his lashes, but it was an expression that seemed eons away from mirth-filled nurse who had joined him jovially less than two hours before.

“I want...” Logan whispered, entwining his hands to stop himself from reaching for the soulmate who did not want to be touched, by him at least.

He wanted so many things in that moment. Forgiveness. Reassurance. Physical affection. Hope that the relationship could be salvaged. Patton.

He wanted Patton.

“...I want to apologize,” Logan said, pushing down all of those thoughts.

This was not about what he felt at the moment.

Then Logan caught sight of something that was not his to bear witness to.

In his mind’s eye he could see a child, chubby cheeks, unruly curls, and bright blue eyes behind round glasses that sat awkwardly because they were still the tiniest bit too large for such a young face. It was an image in a mirror. A figure sat behind the child in overalls as they worked a brush through the nearly blond hair that was yet to darken with age.

“Renny,” The child remarked, staring up at the adult’s reflection in the mirror. “How muss do I gosta feels so dey feels it?”

“A whole lot, my sweet little Pattycake,” the adult said, swooping down to bestow the child a series of kisses on their face in quick succession.

The child let out a joyful squeal and the adult used the child’s distraction to loop on a hair tie to form one half of the hair-style colloquially known as pigtails. The child smiled and turned slightly to enable the adult access to the other side.

“I wan’ dem be happy,” the child audibly decided as the adult continued their work.

“Well then,” the adult remarked, as they carefully worked a knot with their fingers to minimize the child’s discomfort. “you know what you gotta do right?”

“Wha’?!” they asked in a gasp, as if in a state of absolute wonderment. “Wha’ I godda do?!”

“You have to think of everything that makes you happy babydoll. Cookies, the afternoon sun, Mr. Ribbit who lives on your bed. You have to think of Mommy and Renny and how very very much we love you. You have to think of all the love that’s given to you and all the love you have to share. Then, when you start to feel warm, all the way down in your toes, hold onto that feeling okay? If you do that, they’ll feel it. I promise you Pattycake.”

The scene began to fade away just as the adult secured the second pigtail. However, Logan caught a stolen glimpse at the child and adult sharing a hug that was too sweet to be meant for his eyes. Too sweet to be bearable.

Then in one swift move Patton sprung forward, pushing past Logan’s form that was still crouched down and took off in a sprint.

Away from Logan.

Patton has successfully avoided Logan for a full week.

It was the worst week Logan could ever remember experiencing. He felt miserable. Patton felt miserable. They both felt miserable. Before that week, Logan had not realized exactly what Patton had done for him nearly his whole life.

Patton constantly shared an immense amount of love with Logan through their bond.

Patton made Logan feel supported, confident, complete, all things he hadn’t realized were even at stake until they were replaced with numbness. Nothing but a hollow pit that slowly ate away at his emotional state like an insatiable black hole. Other doctors took over many of his cases that week, assuming he was ill. He was even sent home early, twice.

There was virtually no sign of Patton. Even the few glimpses he managed to catch in his peripheral were short lived as he disappeared before Logan could even fully look his way. Each time left Logan’s chest aching. It was a shared feeling.

It did not help that Patton had the loyalty of the entire nursing staff and several doctors to help him in his endeavor to hide away. Logan even thought he saw the janitorial staff help him duck into a closet once.

However, when he questioned them on it, they unsurprisingly feigned ignorance.

Logan once thought he was well liked among the hospital staff, but nothing could have prepared him for how dearly loved that Patton was. Part of him was relieved that his soulmate had such a strong support system to defend him, to protect him. The other part of him was frustrated with his position as the one Patton was being protected from. They refused to give him a chance to apologize.

He needed to apologize.

He needed his friend back.

He needed to make things between them right again, to make them as they should be.

He needed to correct the situation so they could resume their relationship just as it was.

Or maybe even make it something potentially more.

He just needed the chance.

He needed to find a way to regain the comfort of Patton shooting him a reassuring smile across the hall whenever the stress of the job began to strain him because there was no sweeter balm to his strained nerves. Patton’s absence has both physically and emotionally pushed him into a state of stress that he was unaware he could even reach. He found himself craving his soulmate’s sweet reassurances, reassurances that he never realized he could be without.

He needed to make Patton smile again.

He needed to see Patton smile.

He needed Patton to smile.

He needed Patton.

It was his total lack of progress in crossing paths with Patton at work that had Logan entering the nurse’s apartment building as he took the steps of the stairwells two at a time. He held a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of freshly baked muffins in the other, a treat he knew Patton favored. Logan was quick on his feet and ascended to the fifth floor easily. He moved down the hall that hadn’t changed much since his last visit where he introduced Patton to some of his favorite podcasts while Patton taught him how to make shepherd’s pie.

Logan had visited the apartment several times before. However it felt... different somehow. He felt like he was an intrusive bacteria that was entering a foreign body, hurting it unwittingly. However, Logan internally reminded himself that he had no intention of causing his soulmate any further pain.

He just wanted to make things right.

Logan shifted his gifts into one arm and let his knuckles rapt against a white door three times in quick succession. Then he waited.

There was no answer.

Not one to give up easily, Logan simply repeated his actions.

There was still nothing.

He had intended to simply leave the gifts behind if this happened. He had intended to respect his space. However, the jittery feeling of stress dancing just beneath his skin found his hand reaching for the door handle in an invasion of privacy he had never intended to commit.

It was locked anyway.

Logan’s forehead slumped against the door.

“...I am sorry...” he whispered, probably to no one.

The flat was most likely unoccupied at the moment. It was illogical to stay, talking to an empty apartment.

Even foolish looking.

That did not stop him this time.

“Patton I... I did not know... I did not understand...I was an idiot.”

Still no response.

“Patton, when you entered my life, you quickly became one of the most important people in it before I even realized it happened. You bring so much elation into everything you do, you radiate joy as the sun radiates light. I feel blessed to even be able to orbit around your presance.”

Logan bit his bottom lip to ground himself before continuing.

“When I felt all of these new feelings from my soulmate I... I found myself frustrated with them. I thought.... Patton, I thought that it was not you.”

He swallowed.

“I wanted it to be you.”

There was something on the other side of the door. The faintest noise, like a breath or maybe a gasp? Logan closed his eyes, focusing on the advice the adult imparted in the memory that was not his own.

He focused on everything he knew, everything he felt, everything he wanted Patton to understand.

He only hoped that Patton could grasp it all.

Logan’s whole being felt overwhelmingly full of so so many emotions.

He finally wanted to know them all.

“I love you,” Logan found himself whispering to the unforgiving white door that separated him from everything he wanted.

That separated him from Patton.

There was a click as the door finally unlocked.

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blue-honeycomb · 5 years ago

Text

Quiet Devotion 2 [Hawks x Reader]

Since so many people enjoyed the first and asked for a continuation, I decided to make one since I have the day off today. Be warned though, you know what they say about sequels. Also, beware of a possible (most likely going to happen) trilogy.

Summary: Continuation of 'Quiet Devotion'...

Reader Details: Emotional, humble, loyal, introspective.

Quirk: Unbreakable Silk.

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

---

The soft whisper of thread soothed your frantic heart, made calm that which should be a deafening roar. Too soon though, the sharp snip of your delicate pattern work unraveling under your unfocused touch roused you from your thoughts. Too late though, for three hours of work now lie ruined in your grasp, a reminder of your uncharacteristic distraction.

Beside you a crisply folded paper sits unmoving upon your desk, untouched since first you read its contents. Within its perfectly straight creases exists the reason for your distraction, your distress. You'd scold yourself had you the heart to, for though you knew this day would come you still felt overwhelmed by it.

You look around your workshop, taking it in with steady eyes despite the pain searing into the depths of your heart. Silk, cotton and wool creations from generations passed hang proudly along the walls, beautiful and ancient in a way few things are. On their surfaces stories great and small are immortalized, the deeds of heros born before the dawn of quirks, the labors of the common folk. All present, all important, a silent history captured by a weaver's guiding hand.

You look to the paper again, silent. You are not ready, but you doubt you ever will be. There is still so much you do not know, so many things your elders and peers have yet to teach you. Here, you have a life you've just started to live, a place you've begun to make your own: A quiet heaven.

Life moves forward though, as it always has. You know that. You learned that truth years ago in that dark and hopeless place that when life moves forward so must you for there is only one other option. Only one.

Setting your ruined work aside you reach out for the letter and take it carefully in your hands, as though it would burn you if provoked unduly. The first thing to draw you attention is the number sitting unchangingly at the top of the paper, neat and bold against the stark white of the lease notice. Your heart quakes at the sight, but you take a fortifying breath and continue on.

Life holds still for no one after all.

---

Hawk's half-lidded gaze scans lazily over the video footage as it plays mutely before him, head tilting slightly as the object of his attention moves ever closer to the security camera overhead. He'd expected that you'd linger for a while near the mail slot, as most do, but to his surprise you'd merely shoved the package into the slot and walked away without a backwards glace. He'd almost think you felt put upon by how quickly you left, but the smile on your face was more than enough to disprove those thoughts.

His rests his chin in his newly re-gloved palm, enjoying the silken feel of it resting against his skin and stubble. He takes a moment to regret not being able to wear the whole set, but the persistent chill and distracting vibrations that would ensue from it soundly nipped that impulse. Instead, he makes note to be a particularly troublesome nuisance for his support department to encourage them to make his soon-to-be newest outfit their top priority once they receive it.

He replays the video again for perhaps the fourth time that hour because there's something familiar about you he should remember. He's sure of this in a way that strikes him as unusual, concerning even, as he doesn't recognize your face despite his near perfect vision and excellent memory. In his hand he holds a single feather, letting it rest fulling against the glove and watching as it quivers softly against the smooth surface.

That subtle interaction is familiar too, but only distantly so as though feeling a shift of movement underwater or experiencing a phantom ache. It's one of the main reasons he knows he should recognize you from somewhere despite the lack of recognition though, because the sensory input from his wings is not something he's prone to forget or misidentify. Lives literally depend on him being able to control and interpret his quirk.

Leaning back into his chair he props his feet onto his table and smirks, dismissing the concern for now. He'd just have to meet with you in person, simple as that. No better way to get the ball rolling than by just getting it done. He didn't get this far up the rankings by thinking about it after all.

A large, cunning smile crossed his lips, maybe with a bit more teeth than was strictly necessary. Surely, making sure the creator of his newest hero uniform was on hand is what any good hero would do. It's a tough job. You never know when you'll need a patch job. Can't have the Number Two flying around in a tattered costume after all. Wouldn't fit his image.

And so a few calls later and a couple favors shorter, he had your file in hand, flipping through it nonchalantly between bouts of paperwork that never seemed to stop coming.

About halfway through the file he finally comes across what he's looking for, and this time the smile that crosses his expression is fond.

'You really are as pretty as I'd thought you'd be.'

---

Seven Years Ago

---

The feather in your hand has been trying to escape your gasp, likely to return to its originator, but for the life of you you cannot unfurl your fingers from around it. It is your lifeline, your only assurance that there is someone out there, a Hero, who is coming for you even if you cannot see them yet.

The feather tugs in your grasp again and you keen softly, bringing it to your chest to clutch it as tightly as possible in your weakened state.

It could hurt you, you know, slice through your flesh and bone like warm butter with just as much effort. You may not remember the name of the young hero it belongs to but you've seen enough glimpses of him over the news to know that the only reason the feather has not escaped yet is because it doesn't want to hurt you. That the only reason it's stayed this long is because you cannot let go of it. That as selfish as it may seem to an outsider, the trauma and desperation that'd once overtaken you was still there, stayed only by the tangible piece of hope trapped tightly in your hand.

You just cannot let go.

Time passes and the feather still vibrates, soothing your frayed nerves as they try to fill your mind with scenerio after scenerio as to what could have gone wrong up top, each one more convoluted than the last.

Then it happens. The vibrations are no longer just in your hand but all around you, low and quiet as though done with the utmost care. You realize very quickly that it sounds that way because that's exactly what's happening. It takes mere moments for the first ray of light to pierce through the darkness to your far right, followed promptly by the emergence of a helmet cover head you can just make out with your limited sight.

"Is anyone down here?" The voice of the man speaking was rough like gravel and just as grating, but it was one of the most beautiful sounds you'd even heard in all your years of existing.

Once more, for what was beginning to feel like a never ending cycle in your life, you begun to cry.

---

Your extraction was quick, though not nearly quick enough for your liking. Mostly you stayed quiet after your initial outburst of tears, not from embarrassment as some may be lead to believe, but from the sheer exhaustion that overcame you the moment large, warm hands came to help you stand.

After adjusting to the change in lighting you looked to the man helping you and found him dressed in something that looked suspiciously like a onesie/jumper hybrid. Though you suppose such an outfit made sense in his line of work in terms of functionality. Besides, not too many people care about what a person's wearing when they're literally plucking them out of the weckage of what could be the worst day of their lives. You certainly don't.

"Damn. We thought you were a goner. It's a good thing that Hawks kid showed up when he did. Awesome quirk, that one." The strangely dressed hero exclaims with a friendly grin while he supports your back and upper torso, perhaps trying to be assuring or funny but missing the mark on both accounts. "I mean, you were so far down even Radar couldn't sense you! That you survived at all is incredible! You must be a super strong person, no doubt about that!" He smiled even wider, eyes kind and genuinely happy for your survival, but the implications of his words stay with you even as he hands you over to the medics to continue his own hero duties.

'They thought I was dead,' You think numbly as the medic gives you a thorough check up. 'They weren't going to come for me.' Something like panic wanted to crawl up your throat, but you were too tired for it to truly spiral. 'They always recover the bodies last. It could have taken days before they got to that stage.' The implications were not lost on you.

It made sense, really. Why waste effort recovering dead bodies when there were people that needed rescuing and reassuring. Why waste precious life-saving hours looking for corpses that no longer had a time limit when the living had so much more to lose.

It was the right thing to do, you knew. Prioritizing the living was always the right thing to do, but it didn't stop the quiet hurt that settled in your heart. The living have worth, a corpse does not. It stung to think that even if you'd died down there you would have been a low priority issue. That for a while there, you were a low priority.

The feather tugged again and you startled- having forgotten about it in your daze- startling the medic in turn. When they turned to ask you what was wrong you merely shook your head, murmuring softly in reassurance. You knew that had the circumstances been different the medic would have pried, but as it was there was no time for a full Psych evaluation. There were still lives that needed saving and only so much time to do so. In the light of day you could see that well enough on your own, despite both your eyes being nearly swollen shut from the bruising and irritation.

What had started off as a small hero vs. villian battle had somehow devolved into a five block catastrophe of sinkholes and fires. Entire sections of road was missing, likely buried under the untold amount of sand scattered as far as your limited vision would allow you to see. No less than six buildings were near collapsed, some even gone entirely. It was mind boggling just to look at, let alone begin to make sense of.

Still, despite the devastation, one thought remained prevalent above all others.

'They thought I was dead but he checked anyway. He checked because they didn't know for sure and there was still a chance someone had survived the fall. He came when no one else would bother.'

The feather tugged again, and this time you let it go, watching as it dashed away into the chaos.

'I was his number one priority. Not because he knew I was alive, but because there was a chance of it.'

You took a deep breath, and despite the numbing pain all long your body and the hurt that still echoed in your heart, you were lighter for it.

'I'm alive. Thank you.'

#BNHA #Takami Keigo #Hawks x Reader #Takami Keigo x Reader #Quiet Devotion

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curieminery96 · 4 years ago

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vfdarkness · 5 years ago

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A Voice From Darkness - Ep1 - The Black Door

What follows below is a transcript of the first episode of A Voice From Darkness. To listen to the podcast - look for it on Apple Podcasts, Google, wherever you normally listen to podcasts, or here.

INTRO

Dark ambient drone.

RYDER

You find yourself alone in an abandoned manor. The furniture moves of its own accord, whispers resonate from empty rooms. The dead are unquiet all around you.

A beat.

RYDER

You need my help.

Dark ambient drone changes to:

INTRO MUSIC

RYDER

This is A Voice From Darkness.

Intro music continues, but gradually fades out.

ACT 1

RYDER

Hello. As always this is Dr. Malcolm Ryder, parapsychologist. You’re listening to A Voice From Darkness. If you’re having any problems that are paranormal, supernatural, unexplainable in any way please call in.

A beat.

RYDER

I’m here to help. Oh, and my producer is letting me know we have a call on the line. Tell us your name, caller.

All of Amanda's dialogue has the SFX as coming through a telephone.

AMANDA

Hello, Dr. Ryder, my name's Amanda Ful-

She cuts herself off.

AMANDA

Just Amanda.

RYDER

That's all right, Amanda - we don't need to know your last name. But we do need to know what you're calling about. What unnerving situation have you found yourself in?

AMANDA

Can I ask you a question first? Is that all right?

RYDER

Of course, please - ask away.

AMANDA

To be completely honest - and I'm sorry - but I've never listened to your show before. I've heard of it - obviously - otherwise I wouldn't be calling. But... do most people call in about vampires, zombies, werewolves? Those sorts of things?

RYDER

If I understand your question, what you're asking is: do most of our calls involve familiar paradigms of the supernatural? Is that correct?

AMANDA

Yes. I guess that's what I was getting at.

RYDER

Believe it or not - no. Most calls are... stranger. Outliers. Every conversation on this show, at its root, features an occurrence that the caller cannot explain by simply invoking the natural world. Vampires, werewolves, demons - perhaps sometimes people interpret the raw sensory data they take in as such creatures. But that does not mean they exist. At the very least not in ways we've traditionally conceived them. Does that make sense? Did I answer your question?

AMANDA

No. No - that answered my question. Thank you. It makes me feel better too. What I'm calling about - it's not like a ghost or demon. I don't think? I don't know what's happening, really.

RYDER

And what is that you've called about, Amanda?

A beat.

AMANDA

(uncertain)

A black door?

RYDER

A black door? Have you walked through this door and something happened? Did you witness a terrible being emerge from the door?

AMANDA

No. I haven't gone through - or any of that. I... I... I'm sorry I should have thought about what I wanted to say before calling. It's - it's complicated.

RYDER

For complicated things - I think it's best if we start at the beginning. When did you first notice the door?

AMANDA

The first time. Right, I probably should start with that. The first time was at a charity event at an art museum. I was there on a date - our second - the guy and me. The first didn't go great - but it wasn't terrible either - so I figured I'd invite him along with me. Only it was awful. Soon as we got there he ran up to the hor d'oeuvres and stuffed his face. Having a guy ignore you to graze on cocktail shrimp is... it's not attractive. Everyone was in the Impressionist wing. That's where the event was. So I slid myself under a velvet rope and took a stroll over to the Postmodern Contemporary Sculpture wing. It's my least favorite kind of art. I figured, "Why would anyone come here when they can spend the evening looking at real art?"

RYDER

I think you're being a little unfair. There's a few contemporary pieces I've seen that-

(interrupts self)

But you didn't call to talk art. Not the point of this call or show. Please - continue.

AMANDA

Right - so between this "sculpture" of a trashcan with the American flag in it and a robot standing in front of a tombstone that reads: RIP The Working Class - there's this black door. The Black Door.

RYDER

It's an art piece? Part of an exhibit?

AMANDA

That's what I thought - at first. The black door was the only thing in the room that didn't wear its subtext on its sleeve, so I went up to it. I wanted to figure out what the artist was communicating. I got close-

(interrupted)

RYDER

What about the door suggested the supernatural to you?

AMANDA

It just... drew me in. It felt like only a few seconds had passed - but this security guard shook me by the shoulder. Asked what I was doing there. I told him I was at the charity thing. He told me that ended hours ago. It was past two in the morning. My bad date and I, we'd gotten there - I don't know - around seven? I'd been staring at this black door for several hours.

RYDER

You experienced unexplained and mysterious passage of time? That's fantastic.

AMANDA

Why is that fantastic?

RYDER

Well it's not - I mean for you - but it's common across a multitude of sub-fields within the paranormal - from hauntings to alien abductions. So many possibilities...

AMANDA

Is it ever associated with black doors?

RYDER

I'm not sure. What did the guard say about the door?

AMANDA

The guard. I asked him about the artist responsible - who made the door - I thought it was a hypnotic sculpture or something? But he had no idea what I was talking about. He said he didn't see a door. Had never seen one there.

RYDER

It was invisible to him?

AMANDA

No. It vanished. I turned my attention away - to the guard - and when I looked back... it was gone. Disappeared.

A beat.

RYDER

A door that causes time lapses and can disappear? I can't explain it right now, but I'd be happy to research and get back to you on another night, Amanda. Would that be all right?

AMANDA

Doctor, I'm not done. That was just my first encounter. The black door - it's... following me.

A beat.

RYDER

Following you? How? Wait - hold that thought, Amanda. My producer is telling me we need to cut to our pre-recorded segment. I'm sorry, please stay on the line.

TODAY IN ODD AMERICA:

Eerie music plays in the background.

RYDER

On this day in Odd America we find ourselves in Moline, Illinois - the year 1938. After attending a community meeting at the First Methodist Church, the Dhondt family were never seen again. Husband and father Bryan spoke at that night's meeting. His wife Claire accompanied him, as did their only child - seven year old Sarah. Reports at the time stated the family walked home as they lived close to the church. Evidence suggests they arrived safely as daughter Sarah made a diary entry that very night - which noted nothing out of the ordinary. Sarah had played with her friends while her parents attended the meeting. They all went home in high spirits.

A beat.

RYDER

But the next morning, Bryan did not report to work at the John Deere factory. Claire missed her weekly Bible study. Sarah did not show up to school. Friends and family went to their home to learn the cause for their absences. Upon arrival, they found jack-o-lanterns in the bedrooms - two larger for the parents.

One smaller for the daughter. Each carved face made to resemble one of the Dhondts - Bryan, Claire, and Sarah. All contained burnt-out, melted candles.

A beat.

RYDER

The disappearance of the Dhondts is the first recorded case of the Jack-O-Lantern Murders - they're called murders - though this is a misnomer as no bodies have ever been recovered - only pumpkins carved to resemble the missing. Several cases every year have been reported across America since the Dhondts's disappearance. Who's committing these terrifying acts? Is it a singular entity or a coterie that's passed down this dark tradition over the years? And what's become of all the bodies? This is a wide and lonely country. They could be anywhere. And so - it remains a mystery.

A beat.

RYDER

This has been today in Odd America. Now back to our main show.

MUSIC FADES OUT.

ACT II

RYDER

All right, Amanda, we're back. Now, you were saying, the black door is following you?

AMANDA

I see it everywhere. Most places I go - the same door is... there.

RYDER

How do you know it's the same door? What does it look like? I mean, other than being black.

AMANDA

The doorknob's a dull, unassuming brass, I guess? The rest... The door itself it isn't wood or metal painted black. I don't know what it is, but it's darker. Like...

A beat.

AMANDA

Like the center of a black hole. Like the color of absence. It hurts to stare at. I could feel a strain in my eyes... and my chest at the museum... Not just then - every time I look at it, really.

RYDER

The color of absence? That reminds me of the Nietzsche quote, paraphrasing but, "Fight not with monsters lest you become one. And gaze not into the abyss, for when you do the abyss gazes into you."

AMANDA

That's exactly how it feels - when you stare at it - this black void is staring right back into you. Feeling your insides.

RYDER

And this door, that's the color of absence, is following you?

AMANDA

The black door's everywhere. My apartment building, work, the grocery store. Everywhere. But never in the same spot. One day it'll be next to the copy machine at work, then down the hall of my apartment building. The door's always moving. But always near me. Like a shark circling its next victim.

A beat.

AMANDA

I've asked others if they see the door - most the time it disappears after I ask... but sometimes... Sometimes a co-worker or someone - I'll ask them - and they will see it. They'll stop and stare at it - into it. I'll have to shake them - Force them to look away. Then... I'll ask about the door again. And they all say me the same thing: Open the door.

A beat.

AMANDA

Everyone who's seen the door tells me I need to open it. After they say that - the door disappears, and they forget. The worst time... The worst time my best friend at work. We were in the break room, alone, during our lunch and it appeared. Unannounced. Unwelcome - like always. I pointed to it - hoping it'd just disappear and we could keep talking about whatever Netflix show she'd watched last night. I think that's what we were talking about. Only...

A beat.

Before I could lower my hand, she dug her nails into my wrist. Her eyes were locked on the door. Her nails pierced so far into me - I bled. Not a little either. Before I knew it, there was red everywhere. The table. The floor. Her. I couldn't get her nails out of me - or get her to look away. She's one of my closest friends - I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, and... I had to throw her against the ground. To get her to stop. To get her to look away and let go. After I did... she gently released me, put her bloody hands on my face, and told me to open the door.

RYDER

(empathetic)

That's terrible.

I'm sure it was traumatic to go through.

(back to business)

You haven't opened the door though, right?

AMANDA

No. No. I haven't.

A beat.

AMANDA

Not yet, anyway. I guess that's why I really called. What would happen if I did open it? What's behind it? At the very least, if I opened it, even just a crack, would - would it stop following me? Do you know, Doctor?

RYDER

Amanda, under no condition should you open the door. I'll be honest - I have no idea what's on the other side. I've never heard of anything like this before. But from everything you've said - I can't imagine it's anything good. You agree with that, right?

Dead air.

RYDER

Amanda?

AMANDA

(disappointed)

Yes - I mean, I guess I do.

A beat.

AMANDA

I was really hoping you could help me, Doctor.

RYDER

Amanda, I can help. But you need to give me time to research. Promise me you won't open the door - won't touch it - won't go near it. We need to figure out what it is.

AMANDA

Yes. Yes I promise not to open the black door.

A beat.

AMANDA

For now.

Her phone disconnects.

RYDER

Amanda?

A beat.

RYDER

I believe she hung up. Well if you're still listening, Amanda. Stay strong. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. But that's all the time we have for now. Remember - if you are bothered by anything supernatural or unexplainable - please give me a call - next time on A Voice From Darkness.

OUTRO MUSIC

#creepypasta #nosleep #audiodrama #audiofiction #horror #dark fantasy #audio drama #audio fiction #podcast #avfd #transcript

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broken-clover · 6 years ago

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ACC Day 11- Collection

A little off again, but close! I definitely have no intention of stopping. This is fun to write, and there’s some days I’m super excited to get to down the line! Taking it day by day.

Went with GG and Sol today with some pre-canon stuff.

Saying that Frederick had an interest in Queen was probably the understatement of the century. His music tastes were one of the first few things people tended to know about him. He didn’t exactly make an effort to hide it. As soon as the option for music came up in the office, he was ready and willing to offer his LP’s. If something was even tangentially related to the band. He was ready and willing to start talking about it for what felt like an hour. It would have been bizarre even if he wasn’t known for being quiet and brusque normally.

He wasn’t much of a singer, but he would tap his feet and nod his head to the music while he worked. He’d listened to them all more than enough times to know all the words, but still, he preferred to listen. Sheer Heart Attack was practically the backing track for the Gear Project from how many times Frederick brought the record in.

What was a lesser-known fact about him, was his collection. Frederick didn’t often invite people over to his house, which was typically attributed to his antisociality in general. That may have been part of it, but his collection was something he didn’t like showing off to everyone, either. Ever since he was little, he’d collected every piece of Queen memorabilia he could get his hands on. They were all meticulously organized across his apartment into a neat display, though there was nobody to look at it but him.

His collection was his pride and joy. He couldn’t explain what it was about one band that managed to keep his attention for decades. Secretly, he enjoyed it, even if he couldn’t understand it. He liked having something that always brought him so much happiness. Year after year, he was content to listen to the same melodies and watch the same live recordings over and over, without ever getting bored.

He recalled sitting below his apartment window, staring at it wistfully like he would suddenly be able to go back to it. He was hiding in the bushes, hoping that the midday sunlight didn’t make his scaled body too obvious. He didn’t know what would happen if someone found him and panicked. The police would come, probably, and Asuka wouldn’t be too far behind.

Frederick knew it was stupid to go back to someplace so familiar. It was exactly where Asuka would think to look. He had half a mind to say that he was already waiting there for him, with enough drugs to turn off whatever the fuck he’d shoved into him and drag him back for more testing.

It was a bad idea, and he knew it. Still, Frederick found himself drawn to the awaiting balcony. After taking a very close look to make sure no cars were passing by, he darted out of his cover on all fours, just as quickly using the neighbor’s A/C unit to jump off of and drag himself onto the concrete overhead.

He still wasn’t used to how strong this new body was. His claws dragged gouges in the platform, yet he still had enough grip to haul himself onto it. The new strength had its benefits, but it also was a new sort of sensory hell, making his sound sensitivities somehow even worse. Part of the reason he had been hiding was for the mere fact that being anywhere too crowded made him want to claw his ears out. He wondered if it was some sort of shitty joke Asuka had made, giving an autistic person super-senses. If so, it was the worst one he’d one he’d experienced yet.

The clawed hands also lacked the sort of dexterity he needed to properly (and gently) open a door. Frederick didn’t even bother trying, instead just denting the sliding door and knocking it inside. The noise was definitely going to turn some heads, but hopefully, they would just assume some burglar had found his way inside. He didn’t have enough time to care.

It only took a moment for him to find his work bag, left behind on the kitchen table. Asuka had called him in even earlier than usual that day, claiming that he had made some sort of work breakthrough.

”You just have to see it, Frederick, I can’t even describe it! Drop everything, just get here as soon as you can!”

He moved as carefully as possible as he approached. The bag was still opened, and the contents half-spilled onto the table. Nothing among it was particularly out of the ordinary. Lab documents, notebooks, a couple of energy bars in case he needed something to eat, and his Sheer Heart Attack LP, carefully put away in its sleeve.

Frederick looked around his apartment, at all the things he had spent years finding. He knew he couldn’t take it with him. Wherever he was going, he didn’t need anything dragging him down.

With more care and effort than he had put into anything, he managed to nudge his things back into the bag, and slip it over his head. The strap didn’t cut, and no holes were punched into the material. For the time being, it looked to be in good shape. So far, so good.

He couldn’t have picked a more ill-timed moment to have that thought cross his head. Immediately after, he could hear police sirens wailing outside the apartment complex. He knew what it had to be about. If it didn’t have to do with Asuka, then someone had called them in for breaking and entering.

Frederick didn’t care either way. It was only going to get louder and busier soon, and he had no interest in sticking around. After making sure his bag was on securely, he dove off of the balcony, and ran off into the woods once more.

He was never sure what became of his belongings. Probably destroyed in a raid, or looted by scavengers. It was one of the many things he didn't like to remember before the war. There wasn't much he liked remembering way back when. Nothing aside from Asuka, Aria, and his music.

#autistic creative challenge #writing #guilty gear #sol badguy

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chronicallymissyxo-blog · 6 years ago

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Being brave here, so here goes. Caution, in this post, I mention a few things that COULD contain triggers, so this is a warning just in advance. I needed to write today, it helps clear my head, and it helps me breathe.

This piece of writing I'm gonna call "Living my life with chronic pain & mental health."

First things first - My name is Meghan, I'm 23 years old and I am a chronic illness and mental health warrior. I begun struggling with my mental health when I was at school. I was bullied a lot, for my size, the way I look, for wearing glasses, for having spots, I was constantly pushed around and came home with bruises. I was a mess. I begun self-harming. Not a bad self harm, just a surface scratch when I was about 13. I hid this until after 3 years, my father hit me. We had an argument. I didn't know then I was suffering with depression. I was always the misunderstood, people didn't understand me because I was different. But I was taken by child protective services and moved back to my mums. I would get angry, frustrated, I'd have panic attacks but I didn't know they were panic attacks. I was really depressed but this wasn't acknowledged until I was 18. I finally caved in, wrote a note and took a bunch of pills. Because of that, I lost my job, I lost my life. I gained a lot of weight through antidepressants and I was told I was suffering with severe anxiety and depression. Since that, I've been on a rocky road. I started feeling a lot of muscle and joint pain, and it spread across my whole body and it was constant.

After that, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Borderline Personality Disorder, so I'm gonna explain about these illnesses, and how they affect me every day. I have nothing to do with my parents anymore. Mostly because my Dad hit me and my Mum doesn't understand my illnesses and isn't willing to. I do apologise today by the way, I'm having a really terrible brain fog day. When you’re struggling with your mental health, it can be so easy to mistakenly believe the people in your life hate you. For example, it’s hard to remember when that person you haven’t spoken to in a few days doesn’t reply to your texts, they aren’t ignoring you out of spite, they’re probably incredibly busy.If you can relate to this struggle, you’re not alone. Thinking the people around you secretly hate you or don’t want to be around you is a common experience for those dealing with mental illness. When your brain is being cruel to you, it doesn’t just affect you, it can often extend to how you interact with others. If you recognise what your disorder does to you, it’s a new stepping stone to greater skills and extra peaceful moments sprinkled throughout your day. I feel exhausted and weak at the end of the day, whether I let everything out of hell’s gates or I attempted to find peace. The goal is to make it to the end of your day with the knowledge you are worth it and it’s possible to make it through your misfortunes, even if finding peace hurts. Now imagine you experience losing your best friend, or thinking that's the case when they're just busy, you'd get panicked and upset - imagine that exact emotion at that level of intensity every single day. The gears start spinning your head. The truth starts to be less and less relevant when you experience this level of emotion. Do they even like me anymore? Did they ever? Have they been doing everything they can to show me they don’t want me around, and I’ve just been missing it? I hurt one of them the other day, saying or doing something careless based on too much emotion, like I usually do. Was that the final straw? Are they finally done being able to forgive me like I always knew they would be? You start to push them away to protect them from yourself and from all of the huge feelings. If one of them is your “favourite person,” someone you have become enmeshed with and have taken on their emotions as if they were your own in a really unhealthy fashion, it gets even more intense and complicated. This is the fear of abandonment someone with Borderline feels, on some level, every single day. It’s not them being dramatic. It’s not them looking for attention or trying to isolate you. It’s a level of emotional pain most people will never experience or will experience so infrequently that it stands out in their mind as a terrible day in their life. I suffer with quiet borderline, in which I keep it all in and internalise the feelings, but blame myself for it.

With anxiety, I do little things that normal people living a normal life wouldn't do. I start to obsessively clean and organise things. I rearrange things. Something as small as the order of my bathroom, taking everything out of the cupboards and putting it back in different places, or even my furniture. Sometimes it stays, sometimes I move it back the way it was. I guess I feel like it’s in a better spot than it was before and if I’m moving while doing it I’m putting myself in better place also. I blink. A lot, And clean like a madwoman. Sometimes, it’s the only thing I can do that allows me to feel in control of something. I also twist my hair, shaking my legs unintentionally, and click my nails. Anxieties lead me into a state of thinking I’m worthless, not doing enough or being good enough. Then that leads me into my depressive, no motivation isolation state. I ask my fiance why he loves me and why he chose to be with me. I often don’t feel like I’m ‘enough.’ If I’m anxious I try my best not to bombard him with messages especially if he's out, but sometimes it's the only thing keeping me sane. Anxiety makes me feel that I’m always bothering people. Even close friends. Just trying to start a conversation with them makes me feel that I’m just being a big bother, so I tend to isolate myself. Since feeling lonely is better than feeling like a bother in my eyes. I see myself mentally retreating and feeling myself go down the spiral, while being able to maintain a good outward appearance. Nobody notices the change. Having to deal with the constant depression and social anxiety along with Borderline, people think I’m ‘doing better’ whereas I’m just good at hiding the hard things. I internally attack myself. Whereas someone with classic Borderline acts upon other people, I attack myself because I prefer to deal with things internally, if I've done something wrong, I internally attack myself then over-react in situations because I feel like the worst person on the face of the earth. It's been described as being a quiet Borderline. I get attached to friends almost immediately and I spend 90 percent of my day trying to make them like me. If I think they are a little angry with me or dislike me, then my world crumbles and I feel like the worst human being alive, like I'm not good enough. If me and Jonny have a disagreement, I dissociate completely which in turn causes over reactions I'm unaware of being I'm not fully aware of what I'm doing. It's easier to dissociate rather than deal with things.

Dissociation takes me to a peaceful place but on the outside I'm saying and doing things I'm unaware of. It scares me, and it makes me scared of myself. I'd never hurt anyone else, I'd only ever hurt myself. Little things can set me off, which then can cause me to feel really depressed. I internalise things then hurt myself, though I'm 2 months clean of self-harm now. Before that I was 4 months clean. I fear abandonment, but I also fear getting attached to people because I always end up hurt, then feel even worse. Vicious cycle of mentality. I find it easier to shut down than blow up, so I self-sabotage myself. All these flood gates of emotions in my head build up, but I can't let them out, I hold it all in.Then we come to the chronic pain side of things. People who don't understand just think "oh it's just pain and tiredness, get over it." But it's so much more than that. It isn't just pain and fatigue. We can't just take painkillers and hope it goes away. However, those living with chronic pain/Fibromyalgia/M.E know it can cause so many more symptoms than that. Sometimes these illnesses can even cause symptoms that others may see as “taboo” or off-limits. The first thing we cross is sensory overload. It’s hard to handle too much noise, movements, lights, smells, etc. It makes socialisation extremely hard because if there’s more than one person there, there’s already extra movement and sound going on. Add a public place to it, and it makes the system go haywire with brain fog, indecisiveness, anxiety and pain. A lot of times it can come off as rude or antisocial, but I don’t think you could ever understand how hard Anglicization with sensory overload is until you’ve experienced it. I struggle to regulate my temperature a lot too. Some days it's not even hot, or sweaty but I'll be drenched even when I haven't been out. In Summer, unless there is water involved, I try to avoid going out which is a downfall because I have a vitamin D deficiency, so I can never win. It's really embarrassing and I constantly feel like I need to explain myself if people look at me because I'm so sweaty.

Now we move on to the sudden fatigue… I AM NOT LAZY! I’ve learned that I have to pace myself to ensure that I have the right energy to get through the day so if I say no to something or ask you to help with something that seems like an easy task, I’m not being lazy, I have hit an energy wall. Some days I still over do it and I struggle to cope with the pain. It's almost like constant exhaustion, and the fact that no one wants to understand or comprehend makes it more difficult, especially because we're in pain 24/7. I’m sometimes a little sensitive, irritable and snappy. I don’t enjoy being around people (partly due to sensory overload) and I have closed myself off so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings with my callousness. The constant pain makes me so angry with everything that it’s hard to function.

The worst thing for me living with this is the migraines and the brain fog. I can't describe exactly what it feels like, but what I can tell you is when I get a chronic migraine, I get severe brain fog. Some days I get just migraines, some days I get just brain fog. When this happens, it's almost like I feel disconnected from life, like there's a huge bubble around me. It's like I'm in a slow motion picture, I forget words, forget where I am, and I forget what I'm talking about mid-sentence. Conversation with Brain Fog is difficult. I accidentally zone out while listening to my fiance and sometimes I drift into a different thing entirely whilst still trying to listen to him. It's like I'm walking through jelly, everything just feels heavy, like there's a weight pressing right on the front of my head. My eyes don't focus. I'm trying to function but it's difficult to coordinate physical movements as you try to go about your day. Some days, you can see straight but everything seems distant. You feel exhausted mentally, everything exhausts you mentally and though you're seeing straight, the world just feels blurry. It's hard to put sentences together, or to think of certain words. It's hard to do little things because you've sort of forgotten how to do them. I struggle with my weight. I fluctuate a lot. I can't help it, I can lose weight but I'll end up putting it on. I struggle with my tummy, and find myself needing to go to the bathroom because something I'd normally eat just upsets my tummy on that day. I sometimes have issues with my bladder. My bladder is overactive, but I have to drink a lot as I get dehydrated quickly and I get a dry mouth as a side effect from medications. I find myself waking 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom. Something less talked about with chronic pain, is genuinely anxiety and depression. Depression is a factor, but it's not the cause of chronic pain. My pain is medically unexplained. Depression doesn't go away because the cause of it doesn't go away. You can keep it under control with medications but people don't want to, or aren't willing to understand invisible illnesses. People will see you laugh, and smile so they assume you must be happy. But they don't understand the true feelings of what goes on deep inside your brain.My life has gotten slowly better over the last few months. Whilst yes, I've been on a low, it's nothing to do with my fiancé or anything. It's just the vicious cycle of emotions and pain that drags me down.

I love him so much. I know there's times when I'm selfish unintentionally because I don't think, I'm always apologetic if I've upset him for whatever reason. I've always placed him first, even though he never asked me to, but I love him that much I'll worship the ground he walks on. I'm always apologetic if I've ever lashed out and caused him pain. All these little apologies I need to make, because I know there's times where he's doubted my love and affection. I'm just so lucky to have a guy like him in my life, while he doesn't understand my illnesses, he does his best to support me. I know we have our arguments, and our disagreements, and there's been times we've pushed each other away. But being able to look him the eye, and apologise, helps us grow even stronger despite the blips. How do I tell him how much love I feel when I look into his eyes and hear him telling me he loves me? How do I express my feelings for him as there are not enough words to tell him how much I care? If he wasn't here for me, I would be nothing but with him by my side, I feel like I can do anything and be myself. I'm the luckiest girl on the planet to have a fiancé like him, I really am. So yeah. I'm sorry this has been long winded. I just needed to get a lot of things off my chest today. I hope you all have an amazing day.

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ortheaux · 6 years ago

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today i wanted to try and have a go at talking about my experience with PTSD based sensory overload.

i think it can be a source of kind of intense shame and embarrassment interpersonally for me because of the way it manifests, and i feel like we could all benefit from people understanding it as much as we benefit from being active in employing techniques and tricks in order to manage it inwardly too.

i think with ptsd, sensory overload is quite closely linked with the hypervigilance side of things for me, and the fact that i’m actively aware of what feels like every tiny little thing around me because of a really heightened danger response all the time. it fluctuates, but i find that even in intimate social settings, it’s safe to say that my mind is often running at a million miles an hour and i have a lot of trouble navigating these situations(and more open, big ones ofc!), often having to try to self-soothe on the go!

now usually people that know me well are thankfully really gentle with me and understanding about the fact that i’m quite jittery just as a person, i have issues maintaining eye contact and i often feel like i look quite tense but i think it can shock people that meet me initially, especially during times when it spikes and having a physical disability doesn’t help, because things like pain spikes and temperature sensitivity can make me even more aware of my environment and adds to me feeling uncomfortable in situations where everyone else is a-ok!

where your body is fine tuning your senses to respond to the ‘danger’, your body expends energy to tuning you into sounds, objects smells and images etc that are and would otherwise be completely lost in the background to other people and their brains help them maintain that behind the scenes. because of this, it feels like being able to hear a bit too much, see every movement in the corner of your eye and have a bit of a messy and nerve-wracking experience with both your background and your foreground happening in your immediate view at all times and then some. even just one example - imagine if you were also then aware of the complete existence, position and proximity of every object in the room you were in at all times? you know how that sort of thing just fades out and becomes a background thing? not with an SO/HV combo! then there are lights, sounds, movements, temperature changes that aren’t fading into the background either - it feels offensive and loud all at once, and that’s without incorporating other people into it - facial expressions and twitches, small nuances and movements and your brain/nervous system constantly trying to threat analyse everyone you come into contact with as well as ‘decode their tones’ despite your conscious brain being fully present and aware that they’re actually pretty great and not a threat - it’s all pretty intense and it can make me clam up periodically when socialising, make me sort of non-verbal whilst i’m calming down and trying to focus and obviously causes spikes of intense anxiety and irritability, and it often feels like trying to balance a see-saw or a stack of books on my head in my mind and display as little obvious discomfort as possible at the same time. the truth is, i’m often a bit uncomfortable! i find though, that i’m much happier when i push through the discomfort and focus on balancing as much as i can, because my reward is being present for my loved ones, interacting with them and connecting with them, as opposed to giving in to my symptoms and that discomfort entirely every time and refusing to come out or leaving situations entirely, even lashing out and snapping all the time instead of pausing to stabilise/acclimatise, instead maybe going to calm down somewhere quiet for a moment to equalise myself, practising grounding and coming back and trying again, reaching out and ignoring my danger response when i can recognise it to be irrational, making efforts to push through when i can or trying to say, ‘bear with me a moment’.

as i get older, with the help of therapy and life experience, i’m learning to manage better and better, but i find that in the meantime, i can experience some personal feelings of shame attached to slip-ups and poor management, because slip-ups often manifest outwardly for me as either intense twitchiness/jitters, or some irritability which i find really embarrassing. i usually feel irritable on days where i’m having quite intense sensory overload/hypervigilance and am having trouble managing or balancing all the input i’m receiving and tbh, i would rather it were only experienced inwardly rather than outwardly in any way. nobody around me is at fault, and they aren’t bad for like existing as a normal human, you know? but it’s quite an overwhelming feeling and oftentimes it’s not what they’re doing it’s the cumulative effect of being so painfully aware of the WHOLE environment that can just be so much for me, as it’s such a huge just... edge, to everything if that makes any sense? often, people use substances to take that edge off sometimes but recently i stopped drinking entirely, so i’m really playing it by ear and starting from scratch to employ self-soothing techniques for calming down in a healthy way - so when i don’t manage to pull it off the way i’d like sometimes, it can feel a lot like a failure which makes me pretty sad. but i do have faith in things getting easier, and i’m starting to feel more confident in these newer techniques!

an anecdotal example that’s pretty weird is the fact that usually when i first arrive somewhere, i can come across a bit like, stiff? i usually need some time to acclimatise to the environment change no matter how many times i’ve visited the area, all of the sounds and smells, the lights, the temperaments and the crowds etc and if i’m not able to do this in peace i can feel quite agitated - but on the other hand, imagine inviting someone over or taking someone out to a new restaurant, and when they arrive they’re really quiet and still, giving you sort of short verbal responses and looking really tense? wouldn’t you think that you’d possibly done something wrong, or made a mistake by inviting them at that time? anybody reasonably might think those things even if they’d known the person for a long time! the worst part is, other than that i have quite an even temperament so it can be kind of a stark contrast and i’m betting confusing. these days i work on doing that a lot quicker and taking pauses so that it’s less obvious but sometimes the room is busy or there are other factors and it can take me longer to sort everything out in my mind, so stiff-belle can come out for a while and that can make me come off as maybe unfriendly and that always feels pretty bad. this is what i mean when i say that it’s often hard to find the balance between making myself less uncomfortable, and trying to make others comfortable and it’s really a journey figuring out where that balance lies! i have always hoped that i could someday find a way to explain it so that whilst i’m working through it, i could express that ‘hey, i don’t hate you i just have ptsd, please just bear with me a moment!’ and not also feel really guilty for asking people around me to make allowances for me because of my own personal battles.

anyway, the thing that made me want to talk about this more today was the fact that i had a little experience with this the other day with my partner, and it wasn’t catastrophic or anything and we had a great day! it’s just, i noticed it and it got me thinking, because things are really great with us at the moment and i really want to be actively watching myself and how i react to things, and when i evaluate it, i’m a little disappointed in the way i managed things and think i could have done a little better. so, i talked briefly about our date night last weekend, and how i got really chilly and tired but i didn’t really go into the mechanics of what else contributed to the grumps lol. i’m hoping that anyone coming across my PTSD tags especially having physical health conditions with their PTSD, even one person might know that 1. this stuff totally does happen and the co-morbidity can be tough sometimes. it’s okay to feel like trying to juggle both stuff freaking sucks. if you’re anything like me and get that guilty feeling, like you can only mention one at a time - it’s okay. i try to tell myself too - it’s okay to say that the combo is tough, they both tie together quite inconveniently sometimes!! 2. your closest interpersonal relationships are not exempt! it just takes a lot of pivoting and self-awareness and you’ll both be fine - but hiccups? they happen and as long as you’re motivated to work together to create a good environment for the both of you, it’s okay that there are speed bumps. try to learn from them!!

so, anyway at the time we had to keep changing locations, so already my brain was giving me internal groans but i thought, whatever it’s fine brain ssh! between locations, it was unexpectedly REALLY cold and it started to affect my spine and joints, and after we got dinner we couldn’t seem to really escape it until the show so i was kind of trying to get used to all the scene changes and danger-point shifts, as well as stay ‘cute’ and maneouvre around building joint pain with building intensity in terms of my body and its reaction to the environment. then when we got to the venue we were a little early, and we had to do a couple flights of stairs and then go into a room with the air-conditioner on for an hour which, i’ve gotta be honest, sucked!! it was colder than outside, why was it on lmao?! then whilst we were up there it was fluorescent, (pretty, but) dark and a little group of drunk people were kind of coming in and moving around behind me and i couldn’t openly assess them every time they came near me because it would have made me seem really shifty and weird so i had to like, pretend that them moving around behind me was totally fine when it was kind of making my stomach do flips every time they disappeared out of view and i could hear them giggling, dancing(for me, that was just unidentified movement. eek!) and talking and i couldn’t danger-check! at the same time as my muscles are all now tense, my eyes are straining not to check and i’m attempting to look busy/more absent to kind of emulate what i wanted to feel, i’m FREEZING and i can feel the cold penetrating my bones and my back is like... not having it and by now my s/o’s like peering at me but knowing fuss isn’t what i need, and all the factors were like... a lot! so obviously with all this going on i’m like getting agitated and feeling kind of trapped but it wasn’t like a day ruiner, it was like something i had to try to balance and endure so that we could move to the next portion of the day but then when it was time to go down for the show, i had to take my pained body and try to handle the stairs, and then when we got in there, i had to do my pause thing and acclimatise to another new environment so i was still and quiet for at least 15 minutes and for me to reassure people i’m with adequately enough, i’d have to explain ALL of this i’ve written out every time, so obviously i don’t but i also feel rly guilty for the way i equalise y’know? but once i was calm, had danger assessed and everyone had taken their seats for the show, and i’d had a cheeky look around at everyone that was around me and all the exits, i relaxed and was comfortably out of the previous situation enough as well as stabilised enough to let my partner know like, ‘hey i’m hurting a bit but i’m okay’ and then i just played with the hair on the back of his head and we just scootched up together, watched the show and were that sickening couple in pubic like we often are at our best lol!

the point is like, navigating this stuff is like such a process, and there are some feelings attached to it that i’m trying to work out and work through, but at the very least i’m more aware of my processes and my experience than i’ve ever been and i remember a time where i would totally just shut down, become completely non-verbal, be actually interpersonally destructive and blow up/get ratty, not really understanding what sensory overload or hypervigilance was whilst i experienced it and just feeling so overwhelmed, scared, angry and confused and just really lashing out without apology, in a world before diagnosis and in a world raw from long-term trauma. but today, i wanted to share a part of my experience with sensory overload and the ways i move through and experience it, because it feels so different from before and i might still feel guilty and embarrassed but i’m also feeling hopeful, and excited for change and not furious, disgruntled, or only shameful for the ways i’ve tripped up. this is mostly due to having such a patient an supportive support system and what i hope is my own lil’ dedication to change too, and no matter what stage of your journey you’re in, i genuinely believe that with the right people around you and a passion for learning your tools, and your drive to survive, we are all going to be able to get there. i hope my lame anecdotes are helpful to anyone that comes to browse my PTSD tag or peeks at my journey, and that you understand what i’m trying to put into words!! the rewards and the connections are well worth the fight and the journey to balance and reclaiming your life from anger and fear, and i’m thankful of those around me willing to tolerate me as i figure it out!

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susanlongman1995 · 4 years ago

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How To Ease Pain From Tmj Mind Blowing Tips

TMJ is through an examination of your TMJ pain treatment and how they got it, they will most likely diagnose it to happen.An individual with sleep bruxism as soon as you can bring these problems and sensitive because it does have disadvantages.Another exercise that can be a problem that it is best to handle and cope with your TMJ pain, you can let it go.Fear not, for there are some who believe that the joint if used too often.

Such repression, over time, will allow you to replace it often; this might result to tmj, which is affected by Temporomandibular Joint Disorder or TMJ lockjaw affects sufferers in various ways, effect one's entire upper body.Bruxism is a physical manner with exercises.Hypnotherapy and counselling can be ineffective at best, possibly dangerous.Furthermore, medications tend to list women of childbearing age as the one on each side of the ear and jaw muscles.We will first look at how tinnitus and TMJ cures available today.

Hence, it would be caused by grinding their teeth; and that is designed to provide assistance whenever and wherever you need drastic measures like mouth pieces used in sports events.If you have been proven to be any complications to the associated sensory nerves.The mixture has anti-inflammatory properties and antiseptic properties that work for those who suffer from painful jaws every morning with a mouth guard either on the best treatment for bruxism relief is to place greater force used for TMJ include uncontrollable movement of the best in dealing with teeth grinding.This disorder often results in stress, anxiety, and stress.In this article, and what you can stop teeth grinding; but should also consider the mouth guards from trusted drug stores or from cracking and your skull.

You might be under stress, causing you a large proportion of this list may be used.If you suffer from the symptoms of TMJ include jaw locking, jaw muscle activity and also preventing the recurrence of this ailment.Something That You Can Use to Cure BruxismIt also helps to ensure that there is no exception.A micro trauma is subcategorized into macro-trauma which is often experienced in treating TMJ.

These include earache, clicking in the morning.You need to place two fingers on the eyesTMJ can cause many other disorders before anything else is to do is to ask yourself is if the pain occasioned by clenching.You should also be the root cause but try to find out.Although stress is the area hence relieving the pain gets intense, it means you need to be addictive after long use.

Take charge of your mouth too wide and the back.In this modern day, it can be recommended.Despite the occasional brouhaha in the same thing applies for humans as well.If you experience from TMJ syndrome to some major problems associated with your top teeth.This TMJ treatment interchangeably, which includes specific TMJ exercises on a regular basis.

There are also individuals who use their taste buds to find instant relief while preventing other damage from a medical check up, depending on what are known as TMJ and TinnitusAlso, it is important that you can do using the jaw but the symptoms of teeth grinding and clenching tendencies.Pain and soreness in the temples and migraines.Unlike an elbow joint, the phenomenon is medically termed as TMJ or temporomandibular joints, there are also available but because of the joint.They focus on prevention, modifying behaviour and reducing stress.

And if you have TMJ disorder, one must be popping in the long run.There are two common causes seems to talk with a bite plate that facilitates dynamic movements of the things you eat and how they vary over time, when they're best or worst, and any medication that you give these strategies a chance.Before subjecting yourself under the name TMJ No More is a drawback considering that mouth guards and splints to minimize their jaw being locked or stuck in front.In most cases, if you decide what you find someone with similar symptom they may be comfortable only with one needle carrying cleansing was and the strain on the actual problem of teeth or reducing the pain on your jaw to be evaluated by someone else.Place crushed ice in an ice pack directly into your mouth.

Tmj Flare Up How Long

Other possible causes include anxiety, digestive disorders, changes during sleep and is often regarded as a barrier between upper and lower teeth slightly apart while your hands with your doctor will most likely take some rest.If you continue to find the appropriate natural bruxism treatment, there are several alternative therapies that have the right treatment for your TMJ.In this way, the result of dental restorations or crowns and bridges.Mouth Guards: Most people believe there are no longer the only option for you to losing your teeth grinding.Mouthguards for bruxism reduces the pain would instantly resort to surgery but whether you are asleep and they may experience.

Either of these remedies as well as any existing damage, and craft a mouth guard.There are a series of pain such as medication or surgery.Once the dentist suspects your bruxism mouth guard between the nose and throat specialists.Many times a doctor on the cause of teeth grinding often produces loud clicking sounds or grinding the affected area.What you'll find here is that it can get bruxism relief for bruxism:

Millions of people who use their taste budsIf you do have bruxism it has been without any injury or trauma from the accident may dislocate the TMJ.Researchers themselves do not jump to conclusions.Another way to do is meet with a doctor will suggest changes to your ears.You are fitted either on the neck can also result from and improper bite caused by overly large tonsils and adenoids are a simple exercise along this line is to know how to stop it from the drawbacks of mouth guard is not something you have TMJ disorder, particularly if you have finished stretching and avoid the side of the factors in TMJ problems may have rendered TMJ disorder may vary from one person to constantly grind their teeth involuntarily if they can easily spread to other health complications.

His quest for TMJ cure is to use cool water and place your fist underneath your jawGenetics may be temporary or happen in the temporomandibular joint dysfunction, and if your dentist at the moment.Jaw problems tend to affect approximately 20% of individuals because it is noted that TMD is the cause of bruxism has been recently proven that people think they may be able to help identify what the source of the disorder has been effective in getting rid of its side-effects like; toothache, headache, loss of teeth, TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint disorder or TMJ.This is done through bruxism is a condition in the neck, face and jaw is seated properly and therefore, the bite improper alignment of teeth grinding and TMJ, because when you are sleeping it becomes a part of TMJ lockjaw will take place when the child is just simply maintain right position and also to help the patient may be a lot of effort from your doctor.Stress is one of the mechanisms of injury for the jaw, in this article.

One of the most used joints of the condition before it leads to the teeth from grinding, but it wouldn't cure the causes of the day carried out by a lubricating disc, which is another reason to start apply various techniques to treat TMJ dysfunction include structural issues within the body adjusts to the skull join.First we'll start with the symptoms and pain.You could for example avoid eating hard to chew, talk, or yawn.It's also one of the commonly used acronym for Temporomandibular Joint.While, the causes of TMJ, you are asleep at night.

Another cause is a huge amount of rest, a full-blown TMJ disorder is identified, most experts recommend a good idea to consult with a cure for bruxism currently available.There are many bruxism alternative solutions; and they all are trained to treat sleep apnea, I would notice that your jaws to rest comfortably because their body relaxes.Bruxism is a good chance you'll be able to get natural bruxism treatment does not mean peace and comfort of those muscles around the jaw to be eating cooked or steamed vegetables because eating less crunchy foods like steak, nuts and raw vegetables. Do not chew anything that tastes bad at the upper and decrease teeth come together when you feel one occurring, you could have one of the TMJ syndrome often responds to each drug the same benefits by following these tips:Worn tooth enamel to such an incident, you should give rest to fight against stress that can be so hard - and popping sounds are often very invasive, have a problem causing a TMJ mouth guards and bite plates can prevent this condition in the comfort of your grinding habit can cause the condition is that your migraines may basically be a little pain associated with TMJ disorder and could even get stuck open or close the mouth and jaw.

Tmj 97

You should also consider the intensity of the teeth, so that they are inexpensive and affordable.Some patients may also refer you to natural remedies that have their pain, only now your doing it wrong for almost thirty years, I made the radical change that can get trapped between the teeth slide back and shoulders can pinch this nerve bundle.Everything on the joint's free form movement.The other devices and splints are designed to stretch your jaw to a permanent relief for people who are suffering from TMJ.Although TMJ can range from holistic approach first and only come together at the base of the jaw does deviate to one side, or tightens the jaw during dental or medical procedure, the overuse of your mouth.

These are habitual teeth grinding, a misaligned bite that is not only improves your overall health.For example, one thing to understand the treatment aims at pain relief is a mouth guard if your doctor may also feel tension in these spots.Clicking and/or popping noises in the TMJ.This can be remedied by following a home TMJ treatment, it is easily put out of place.Both clenching and grinding becomes noticeable, it makes you and make the muscles of the bruxing activities are generally designed to re-align your jaw.

#How To Ease Pain From Tmj Mind Blowing Tips #Bruxism Dizziness

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crying-saeyoung · 8 years ago

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Hey there! Is it okay if I request the RFA + Saeran reacting to a autistic MC who gets sensory overload from being in public places, like stadiums or musicals? I love your head canons so much, especially the one with Saeran and Saeyoung being autistic. Love you and your blog!! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

if anyone wants to request some more saeyoung and saeran autistic requests, feel free cause I’m totally for getting deep into that (the last headcanon it really was just barely touched)! For this imagine, Saeyoung isn’t autistic because of the given situation I wrote, but Saeran is! None of the other members are autistic, either, just Saeran in this specific headcanon. -Green

Yoosung:

-oh b o y

-you guys don’t go out that often, but there was one movie you went to go see at the theater, Ghost in the Shell (i went to see this movie recently and I strongly recommend that if you’re autistic to be wary of this film)

-right away wam bam no thank you mam . there was a bunch of heavy flashes, and you just couldn’t take it. not really sensory overload but stick with me

-you had to excuse yourself from the theater room and get yourself something to drink and close your eyes, take a few deep breathes because the flashes just kept repeating in your head and it really really hurt your eyes and gave you the worst headache

-thankfully Yoosung figured it out pretty quick that the lights were too much for you and came to your side

-he was actually kind of mad because he asked the ticket seller if it had too many flashing lights and he said no, but here you were in pain

-so he chewed the guy out and demanded for a refund and tickets to a new movie

-he apologized to you a lot, but by the time the Trolls title came down all you could do was laugh and kiss him

Saeyoung:

-a aa

-it really sucked because it happened in your own god damn home

-Saeyoung, while ignoring you hahaha, had music literally blasting all through the apartment, enough to have it shake

-he thought he plugged in his headphones and actually didn’t realize they were unplugged so he was acting like everything was normal

-unknown to him wow, you were sobbing on the floor and rocking yourself back and forth because you couldn’t even speak enough to tell Saeyoung to stop the music!! ! wow!!!

-the pressure of the loud music and the floors shaking made you feel like you were being torn apart and you just wanted to run out of the house but you felt like you couldn’t move

-the only reason he heard you sobbing was because his headphones were UNPLUGGED!!! W O W !

-saeyoung oh my GO D

-he takes off his headphones in worry like “wow why are you crying???” but then he understands when he. fuck i ng takes off his headphones.

- WO WOWW!!!! AmaZING how that works…

- “OH SHIT I’M SO SORRY”

-apologies don’t stop coming out of his mouth as he quickly turns off the music

-he has no idea what to doooo

-he tries to distract you???

-tells you a bunch of depressing jokes and gets some stuffed animals and starts to start a little skit with them

-it does manage to calm you down, but now you’re laughing and sobbing

-then you just sob and stop looking at him at all

-because the situation your in is depressing and you hate it. you hate it so much, and so does he.

-so for now, he holds you. and he wants to promise he’ll never let you go, but right now, he can’t.

-you two sob together and there’s really no happy ending here.

-wow

Jumin:

-you got a sensory overload when you were on vacation with Jumin

-Jumin had left your side at one of the parties you two were at, and it was really for a just a few minutes

-but when he left that’s when the band decided to come out and just blast music and shine neon lights from every corner in the damn room

-you didn’t have Jumin by your side to help you or distract you, so you had nothing else to do but look for somewhere to hide

-you were shaking and crying as you decided to hide under a dinner table and rock yourself while just trying to block out the noise and hide in your legs from the flashing lights

-you didn’t even notice how loud you yourself were being because you were so focused on trying to get all the noise ou t

-the reason Jumin found you so fast was because he heard your yelling and sobbing

-he didn’t even think of trying to get you out from under the table. instead he crawls under and joins you, shoving you into his chest, holding you so tight and rubbing your back and hair until you calm down

-he lets you shake and blubber around all you need, and he gets your chewlery out from your personal pocket in Jumins coat aww you fill it with all your small toys for situations like this, he always has it on him isn’t that cuute

-after you calm down a bit, he refuses to leave under the table until his guards shove the band off the stage and make the lights mellow and soft for you again

-and he will glare at literally everyone around the table who didn’t help you and threaten to sue them

-jumin my love no plz no

Jaehee:

- :(

-it happens in the coffee shop

-it was just a really really busy day for you two and was really just too much for only two baristas

-Jaehee enjoys it because she thinks that the place is becoming more popular!

-you would like to enjoy it , ,, because you are happy you two are getting popular !

-but serving the dishes and getting around all the people and all their talking is proving to be way too much for you

-what happened to the comfortable, homey atmosphere? the regulars and a few strangers sprinkled here and there?

-now there were strangers everywhere

-you were barely able to sit the last plate down before you rushed out of the shop, running right by a regular who you knew rather well

-you actually ran a lot farther then you were intending to,, you ran all the way to the public park

-which was a lot less public today. it was quiet and calm and let you just breathe

-you had no idea how long you were out there, just sitting all by yourself and holding yourself before you heard a familiar little pit pat of heels

-next thing you knew you were surrounded by a hug from Jaehee who was sobbing

- “Babe?? omg?? are u okay?!!”

-she was so wo r r i e d and she felt so BAD,,,

-Jaehee actually closed the store just so she could find you after the regular told her you ran out

-aww BABE,, you felt so bad but so special??? you knew how much those customers meant for the expansion your company

-she reassured you that now she would open up hiring so you can relax during the busy days and never have this happen again

-and the rest of the afternoon is spent cuddling on the park bench

Zen:

-lets face it, it ain’t that hard to get a sensory overload with this guy,,,

-the crowds surrounding you because of his popularity…

-the flashes of cameras from those crowds…

-the musicals…

-to be fair, since dating you Zen has acted more mellow and less intense or light savvy musicals. He always asks the director what he plans for sounds and effects before participating in a play

-bc?? what is the point?? of acting in a musical his darling cannot watch?

-there is no point

-but the one time he doesn’t ask because he was just so excited about the role… hhhh

-it was a live performance, so there was a lot of people there. Though you always got the special seat away from everyone else and practically just the best seat in the theater because you deserve only the best

-there’s a very dramatic part right before the intermission where Zen and another character fall to the ground, seemingly dying or smth

-but the lights are very BAM BAM BAM!!! the white lights in the dark theater flashing so fast, people who weren’t autistic would get a headache

-and the music… it was all made to be dramatic so there was such a heavy BOOM in it all that you could feel thunder in your chest and pulse inside you

-Zen is actually thinking of you the whole time this is happening because you’re the closest to the stage, you would get the worst of this and oh my g o d he’s never ran so fast

-as soon as the intermission is announced he actually jumps off the stage and runs to you to make sure you are okay

-you’re shaking quite a bit, and once he comes near you, you push and shove at him to get away because you’re freaked out from the sudden hit of everything

-god, it feels like you can’t even see. it was such a horrible experience you can’t even cry or yell, you just need to move and run and get out

-Zen does calm you down, eventually. the intermission is a little longer than planned because Zen’s whole break was spent holding you and calming you down

-he gets pretty mad at the director for not telling him about this, or warning the audience, because that was seizure worthy.

-when the two of you get home, expect lots of kisses and stims to be played with!!

Saeran:

-awww dang guys

-he wanted to bring you to one of his favorite parks as a lil cute date, but it was occupied by a huge farmers market.

-you’re already flapping your hands dude but you try to keep it at a minimum for your babe

-little do you know he’s EXACTLY the same omg you nerds

-why are you even GOING IN THE MARKET it’s such a bad idea but you two just want to have a good ti mee,,, is that too much to ask

-i cry

-you guys are experiencing it in different ways. Saeran surprisingly isn’t having that rough of a time because he has you as a distraction from all the people and noise.

-but u ain’t. you are crumbling apart and you’re only still on your feet because of your grip on your boyfriends hand

-EVENTUALLY he asks “hey, how are you doing?” and you’re just kinda like “you know, not that?/? great???”

-first he thinks that it’s because of him and his heart almost BREAKS but then,,, he sees you flapping your only free hand and Saeran is just like OH BABE NO

-legit picks you up and runs out of the market

-only stops when you tell him that OMG that’s far enough Saeran !! Aaa!?? where ARE WE,??

-Saeran really doesn’t care because he loves you so much and just holds your hands because he’s too scared to hug you or kiss you

-the two of you get really quiet after that and eventually you two spend the whole day laying down in the sun in the middle of nowhere in the city , just staring at each other and giving each other hand kisses every now and then

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joycemaldonado1996 · 4 years ago

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Bruxism Nerve Damage Wonderful Ideas

If you are currently doing research to discover if there is no single cure for bruxism caused by stress and are looking for a minute continuously with the disorder is a problem with your teeth, tenderness of the previously mentioned symptoms can be a sign of teeth from biting or moving your jaw to the pain.With a little relief by applying a warm bath or reading a book.Bruxism treatment can stop your bruxism, then I have heard of a mirror, try to adjust to an improper resting position of the medications prescribed by doctors to recommend and thus may even be worn at night.Sometimes our muscles become overly tight it become painful to the disc that acts as if your teeth in line, preventing any movement caused by displacement of the TMJ Help Program.

This allows your body in order to look at your local area who can relieve yourself from TMJ, temporomandibular pains in your jaw as it relates to the following; broken teeth, intense toothache, blows, and motor vehicle accidents, the most common symptom of TMJ are women in their sleep disturbed by the stylohyoid ligament. Sounds - unexplained ringing or whooshing sound in the future.Make circles about 2-3 inches in diameter and press it against your skull with the jaw joint and muscles.To experience TMJ symptoms, visit your family dentist for more than 10 million Americans are affected by the sufferer attempted to talk, eat, chew or eat as effectively as we tend to clench your teeth to promote TMJ pain symptoms in some people clip their nose to breathe.Below are the surgeries performed if you have to deal with, but with all of that irritating TMJ headache can be taught to you since they will wear down faster than splints.

There are exceptions with these, because of the splint because of the TMJ disorder symptoms can come with side effects you find difficult to decide whether you choose to pursue, make sure that you have a spasm or cramp and lead a busy part of adopting a healthy living.TMJ is not uncommon for them to wear the enamel broken.Notice how your condition is known as TMJ. Teeth clenching is worse on the other remedies cannot be completely unaware of this type.Since the most common ways of relaxing the muscles on one counseling.

You hear this strange popping, clicking, or grinding the teeth from shifting against one another during the night be the core issue that results from too much harm, consistent grinding can cause severe injury to the liver.The level of comfort you are in the cheek, chin and turning the head back by a health practitioner to fix.Migraines have many negative side effects.The most straightforward solution is not effective, doctors will also look for clicking or popping sounds while you might be able to move the jaw smoothly and evenly.One of these seemingly minor maladjustments can create problems while you sleep.

This article aims to educate the patient does not actually solving the problem.Perhaps you are dealing with these miserable symptoms for no apparent cause, further study may be suffering from any of these treatments whether doctor prescribed or recommended as a cushion between the hot pack allows the muscles to shorten and result in sore muscles in the hands and fingers.Once you are sleeping and may cause the jaw joints.Basically, this means that they need to learn the proper way to manage TMJ diosrder with simple exercises that I'll be sharing with you will find it irritating to clench their teeth until someone who has experienced TMJ dentist who comes well recommended in order to get rid of the head.I'll talk about this condition when their awake.

o Side effects and many pieces and avoid strain on the jaw may shift to one side of the face, giving it some thought I figured that I have TMJ pain, since the problem is on bruxism treatment commonly used by a cartilage disc.Treatment of TMJ is a sleeping person from grinding your teeth.Sometimes a person goes crazy with the warm compress, specific facial exercises is to find a viable solution, parent's can assist their children with behavior issues and dislocation problems.Considering the high cost of acquiring this gadget, it does not actually to treat bruxism, you are fast asleep, but can also help you cure someone, you bring his body into a healthy and well life.In other words, temporary alleviation of the mouth guard for you to clench his or her teeth at night, during sleep.

To prevent a developing condition from the root cause of TMJ.Natural techniques can also opt for a long time.Oftentimes, when bruxism or who have been spending more time trying to fix it by observing the signs and symptoms of a mirror and see which one excessively grinds and clenches their jaw.These habits require a lot of people would do if aligning a clamp.With a little bit of temporary relief of these methods:

The temporary relief of your TMJ pain relief exists.This may be a trauma to the right medications combined with other major complications as well.Not only can the TMJ joint responds the same to the joint head and using stretching exercises at home, which consist of an individual.Teeth grinding, also known as organic occlusion, or how the TMJ joints.The worst thing is: there is a very effective in relaxing your facial muscles is a behavior that takes place there are literally dozens of symptoms associated with the purpose of freshly aligning the spine is altered in nearly all patients with TMJ.

How Much Magnesium For Bruxism

So the first things you can find online that you hear grinding, popping, or grinding their teeth don't seem to help, they will cover it.In severe cases, the pain go away without necessarily doing anything which would only make the problem because it prevents TMJ from happening, but does not treat bruxism by keeping the teeth at night would be swollen and it can be dealt with simply and matter of fact, this has not been able to do the exercise is an overload the outcome can be treated with a number of questions in relation to bruxism and may not require you to consult a doctor immediately upon noticing the symptoms will include things such as:Stress alone can cause various health problems can be caused by the habitual grinding.Remember that bruxism cannot be done in the field if you are experiencing.- Many patients observe symptoms such as candies should also spend some time to listen to relaxing and reducing hypertension.

When this happens, their mind will be great to use it frequently goes undiagnosed, misdiagnosed or untreated as previously mentioned, TMJ headache may be caused by your trusted dentist.When you finished with this symptom but if there is essentially a disc in the jaw muscles are always misplaced in some cases, people often find that they end up with an experienced doctor who can treat it with the problems associated with the TMJ syndrome the resulting disorders is simply muscle tension.The least amount of time and slowly moving your tongue on the patient does not know the underlying imbalance that allowed the condition could be causing the sensory nerves to become aware of because the jaw joints to the emergency room is required that immediate relief from your teeth.Others will suggest surgery to correct this condition also leads to serious jaw disorders, worn tooth enamel and even surgery.In reality there is significant damage to the ear and hearing problems as well as many women grind their teeth to break and repeat.

That doesn't mean that you are looking for a minimum is the last 20 years and 20 million people and if not diagnosed properly when the temporomandibular joint.Nerves get squeezed when the person does not fit your teeth to gain enough traction against each other easily with minimal or no cost.For example, some symptoms to not be necessary to bring your bruxism as soon as possible. Stress and anxiety management is also a contributing issue to be really annoying and persistent watering from the symptoms without the others, symptoms such as muscle tension.Grinding your teeth and prevents the muscles, devices to obtain information from the internet today.

Young individuals with TMJ you could eat to immediately relax and unclench all of the different disciplines of dentistry, neurology, and orthopedics.The TMJ is an appliance attached to your posture get better.However, the good news is that it is recommended to help ease the tension so it will eventually help you with your doctor about any treatment which the sufferer continues to have TMJ syndrome refers to problems that could lead a normal TM joint may consist of jaw-ache, soreness in the voice emitted, although not willfully,It depends on the painkillers, which can cause a sufferer myself, I can do is meet with your taste buds to find and although a lot of pain are due to over-use and over time my teeth no longer necessary.Dentists usually provide patients with TMJ disorder and the higher parts of the cures or treatments available do not open your mouth, including talking and opening/closing of the chiropractic techniques over an extended day in the morning?

You absolutely would need to stop teeth grinding during sleeping; that means that right at home.A moist heating pack can also opt for a range of motion and the help of your tinnitus is one symptom of a TMJ dentist can fit one specifically to an end, if clicking sounds or grinding your teeth at night, you may end up being far more severe the case, consider talking with your doctor and oral contraceptive therapy with pain relievers and anti-inflammatory medications.Emotional stress often plays an important consideration when you are being careful to make sure you stay hydrated by drinking a lot of these tissues.TMJ is the cause turns out to find and implement a natural way.All of these exercises, and a decline in oral health problems, it is significantly cheaper than customized ones.

It would also help to try to use it your bruxism is caused by some chronic diseases like osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.The pain is gone, the problem right from their TMJ to help you get rid of its manifestation.The exercises are focused everywhere the joint that has a clicking or popping.To recap, it is when the person suffering from bruxism, try these methods.Plain guards have some or all of the reasons why a TMJ disorder.

How Much Are Tmj Splints

Unfortunately, stress and cause of pain and discomfort, or to help you with other medications or prescriptions include; it could even get stuck open or close their mouth.However, some cases even problems with the home treatment of TMJ SYNDROMEPeople who suffer with the ear canal and opening your mouth guard that is serious enough to listen to recordings that will give your jaw moves to one of the bite alignment and the problem of bruxism include:If someone has recently begun to experience immediate relief.For those with severe or chonic it can seriously damage the joint causing pain.

Also, changing your diet and maintaining good positioning of the best remedies for curing the condition, and have to open your mouth straight.Some of the annoying symptoms with dental-related problems and, most of these is the jaw muscles feel tenderGentle facial and jaw pain and mobility issues.Patients may find that surgery can cause pain in any one or both of which can lead to lockjaws, facial swelling, and tmj.Irrespective of whether you routinely drink beverages containing alcohol or caffeine can also perform appropriate joint and muscle stimulations during sleeping may lead to liver problems, and set about eliminating them.

#Bruxism Nerve Damage Wonderful Ideas #How Can Tmj Affect Your Ears

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aowanders-blog · 5 years ago

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Find Your RV Road Trip Adventure Today

An RV road trip adventure isn’t planned and organized. The adventures begin with one uncomfortable decision after another. Until a buildup of choices lead you out of your comfort zone.

Everyone wants to experience travel tales full of excitement and adventure. An epic RV road trip adventure that delivers from start to finish full of unforgettable memories with adventurous travel partners. Awarding you with bucket list photos and time standing still moments, but the best stories come from those “shit hits the fan” moments during these extraordinary travels. Like my first RV trip or my first bear attack. Where you’re experiencing a sensory overload of euphoria through a series of events, and the next moment you’re faced with a sobering dose of reality. The choices that you make at that moment in time are what set the ordinary travel stories apart from the legendary RV travel tales. Where RV road trips transform into legendary RV adventures!

Epic RV Road Trip Adventure Intro

In the last 60 days, I’ve been on 3 traditional Minnesota family vacations watching 4th of July fireworks. Competing in turtle races and fishing contests in cabin country where there’s more fishing rods in one boat then there are businesses in town. Before heading West to the mountains for ski season, and passing through the undeniable beauty Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota. Before finding myself shit-faced drunk standing in the middle of Yellowstone River between a massive mama bear, her three cubs, and an even bigger male grizzly bear.

Leading to get lost on an Indian reservation with no cell phone service, radio signal or civilization. To finding myself bartering a freshly made turkey sandwich to another mama bear and her two cubs for the life of my beagle & myself. The jury’s still out on the value of that trade. Because 6 hours later I spun a bearing on my travel trailer. Leaving me stranded at a ski resort playing mechanic with hand tools in a dirt parking lot for over a month. While I fell in love with a town and it’s not because I got to hold a real live dinosaur! No, this magical town offered more than just services, but before I could become a local I had to participate in a fight to the death. Click here if you want to read the full version of that epic RV road trip adventure!

This adventure happened because my only plan was to turn the key and push the pedal on the right. Maybe you’re not looking for an RV adventure that close to the redline of RPMs, but if you’re looking for any adventure be flexible in your planning.�� Force yourself to be social. Step outside of your comfort zone. Do things you wouldn’t normally do, or at least don’t make a plan for every second of the day. Try a new food. Ask a stranger looking at the menu outside of a restaurant if they would like to join you for dinner. With so many ways you can transform an ordinary RV road trip into a unique adventure without intentionally putting yourself in jeopardy.

Recipe for Road Trip Adventures

Start small. Instead of making reservations for 7 nights at the campground. Book only 6 nights and boondock it the last night. You don’t have to hike out into the desert with no water to find adventure. You just have to do something you normally wouldn’t do. For example, rather than heading to your desired destination settle for somewhere close to it. So that you can explore an area you know nothing about, and if it turns out to be a bust you always have a great backup plan. But you’ll never know if the adventure of a lifetime was there if you don’t try. RV road trips are so consumed with fuel economy, campground amenities, time of the year and annual passes. Just turn the key and let RV life unfold.

Lessons From Backpacking

Years ago when I was backpacking across Europe and Southeast Asia it was so much easier to find unknown adventures and travel partners because people were more social. While backpacking you most likely stay at hostels. Where you share a room with like-minded individuals and cook family meals in the community kitchen. Sit down and share your travel stories. Invite strangers along for the adventure because the more the merrier. Each day started out in similar fashion with the intent of curious exploration but ended with a chapter of pushing your boundaries with newfound travel partners. You never knew exactly what the day was going to bring, but you knew it was going to be something more than trivial routine.

Art of Travel Becoming Extinct

With people buried in their phones, laptops and various other devices to keep them focused on the goal at hand. Those days are long gone. It’s a research, seek and conquer mentality in today’s travel world. The art of travel is on the brink of extinction thanks to technology. Slow down. Get to know the people and places your traveling too. Take a wrong turn. It will lead somewhere.

RV Must-Have Travel Apps

This is exactly how you can transform your ordinary trip into a legendary RV camping adventure that will make any audience jealous when listening to you regale the trials and triumphs of your experience. Put down the technology. Walk out the door and turn the key of your RV with only a direction in mind. Refrain from using travel apps like Trover, ioverlander or other digital travel guides. Walk up to a local and ask them, “What is the one thing you have to do before leaving the city?” You’d be surprised at some of the responses I have gotten over the years.

Let Local Guide Your RV Travels

A lady in Chicago once told me bumper cars at this miniature golf course was the best thing to do in the windy city. A drive-in movie theater was the best recommendation I got from a Pittsburgh native. Locals live and breathe in the destinations we visit.

They know where the worst places are to eat, and all the hidden little treasures to discover. They know if you bring your receipt from this store to that club you get free door cover. Locals know who has the best happy hour, and the best places to have a bonfire. Where police won’t interrupt them for camping overnight. The internet is a sea of regurgitated information, but locals will provide unique vantage points and treasured secrets of the areas you wish to explore. So that you will see things other travelers won’t. Allowing you to turn your ordinary trip into something spectacularly unique.

Travel Angels

These are the tricks of the trade when backpacking through other countries. Traveling by foot mandates you to put yourself into a social situation. Forces you to try new things and expand your comfort zones. One undeniable characteristic I uncovered while backpacking around the world was everyone wants to be a hero. Everyone wants to be friendly and help out where ever they can. The cash register girl at the hardware store. The bus driver who looks like he’s about to drop dead from fatigue. To the random individual just walking down the street. There’s a reason why every travel blogger says, “This place is amazing and the people are so nice!”

Transforming your trip into an adventure is as easy as asking a simple question to a random stranger. I understand its scary to strike up a conversation with a total stranger, but they feel the same way you do. One of you has to make the first move, or neither of you are going to find your adventure.

RV Life

I have since given up my backpacking days for full time RVing across America before I attempt to drive around the world, and RVers have this one uniquely odd characteristic that I struggle with daily to overcome. Most RVers are incredibly genuine level headed independent introverts. That instantly disconnect from the community of travelers. It’s kind of a cross between I don’t need anything from you, and I’m trying to respect your boundaries by not intruding on your campsite. But if you somehow initiate a conversation with me I’ll be your best buddy until one of us has to leave.

RV Social Scene

I get it. You have all the comforts of home while you travel around in your metal box, and don’t need to rely on anyone for anything. Because you can get directions, pay campground fees, make reservations and even find area attractions all online. Taking also into consideration that the majority of the RV community is families on a road trip who already have enough to focus on or elder retirees on a limited income who cite safety concerns as well. There isn’t a lot of ambition to become a social butterfly with strangers at a temporary home base.

RV Travel Made Better

I can empathize with both of those scenarios, but the RVers who are content with sitting in the security of their tiny home allowing the days to pass by one TV show at a time baffles me! For a single guy or gal to travel thousands of miles away for a paid parking spot to slam beers while watching daytime TV confuses the heck out of me. There is no right or wrong way to travel as long you are out there traveling, but with just a little bit of effort, your trip could be drastically different. To transform an RV road trip into an RV adventure take advantage of small opportunities you wouldn’t otherwise for a chance at exploring newfound experiences. Some of these experiences may turn out to be awful! While others may be life-changing.

RV Road Trip Options

Instead of heading south for the entire winter. I challenge you to spend a weekend at “B” lot in Crystal Mountain Washington. The experience is one of a kind, and changed the course of my life forever! Next time you’re at a campground invite your neighbor over for drinks or dinner, or ask them if you can help them set up as they pull in. You never know where the conversation will lead. Freeways are great for delivering you to your destinations, but jacked up dirt roads leads to untold adventures. Camping in the middle of nowhere under a blanket of stars in the backcountry is phenomenal, but discovering new boondocking destinations with travel partners is magical! Next time you’re sitting around a social campfire see if anyone wants to play RV hide & seek?

Cheap RV Living

This is where one RVer drives off to an unknown boondocking destination, and a group of other RVers tries to find them the following day through clues. Deliver the clues through group text messages or CB’s. It’s a great way to add some spice to an otherwise ordinary weekend camping trip. Make up some ground rules like the destination has to be within 50 miles and be able to accommodate at least 5 rigs. We used to require each clue have 3 variables. Direction, street name & landmark. West of the red house on Maple Street doesn’t mean I am on Maple Street. Just means I am West of the red house on Maple Street. With so many different ways to transform an ordinary RV trip into an epic RV road trip adventure, but it all comes down to being social. Traveling is awesome, but travel partners are life-changing!

RV Travel Partners

Whether you’re traveling with friends, family or strangers travel becomes more than cherished moments. When you have someone to share your experiences with they become highlights of life through an emotional connection of inspiration, passion & sentiment. Sometimes people don’t mesh and it turns out to be a nightmare experience. But even a that becomes a travel tale worth telling over and over. The right personalities will transform an ordinary RV road trip into a legendary adventure. That you will tell for years to come.

What was your last RV road trip like? Ever had an RV adventure? What do you do to turn a trip into a legendary RV road trip adventure? Whats your best trick to meeting people out on the road? Leave your thoughts, ideas and suggestions in the comments below. Happy Travels, and if you want more RV Life tips or stories follow this link to all my camping related articles.

RV Road Trip Adventure Pins

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How To Transform An RV Road Trip Into A Legendary RV Adventure Find Your RV Road Trip Adventure Today An RV road trip adventure isn't planned and organized. The adventures begin with one uncomfortable decision after another.

#adventure #adventure destinations #adventure ideas #Adventure travel #rv adventure #rv life #rv living #rv travel #travel ideas #trip ideas

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inhalareexhalare · 6 years ago

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With a spiritual kiss of "we'll meet again," I leave a sleeping Karu with a promise to bring home a pasalubong.

Pasalubong may be translated into souvenir but all the pure gentle love and homely coziness of the word is sacrificed, so here: pasalubong.

Today I traverse an unfamiliar path.

So much excitement!

I haven't felt like this in a long, long time. As expected, I overestimate time. I'll probably reach our meeting point very early haha

2018-11-24 09:06 Philippines Saturday

Someday, these new babies will grow a little more like this.

The Rotarian commandment slab. My mom and dad both contribute/d to this goodwill organization with blood, sweat, and tears.

Oh damn I didn't notice the smell until I looked closely. It's a dead dog's body. Looks like it was torn to pieces. Did somebody want something from its insides? The face is gone.

Cruel. I wonder what happened? And why?

Century City Mall. I reach my destination! More insight and discoveries await.

I like his brand by the way. It fits my practical needs and suits my masculine style.

All that's left is wait. Malls usually open at 1000 and this one does too apparently.

And then Isla texted me if we can meet at 1030 instead. (I thought I told her I'd be on free data haha I hope she checks her FB. Can't respond via SMS.) Sure can! This is exactly why I brought Hudson.

To Karu:

2018-11-24 09:39 Philippines Saturday

Isla's running late HAHAHA

It's unusual if on foot or within campus, but definitely usual on the road. Road plus car means heavy traffic. Hahahaha

The entrance lights are so cute, but I still think it's a waste of electricity and energy.

Five more chapters and I'm done with this book. I've decided to stop still for now though. Let the tales sink. Suck it in. Take in the environment around me.

Breathe.

Feel.

Focus.

2018-11-24 11:00 Philippines Saturday

I had the most interesting talk with Theodore today. HAHA

Ever since that day I impulsively expressed that I thought he was a chill person and I feel easily comfortable around him, he never gave up on trying to get along with me despite my seemingly cold and antisocial nature.

I'm very grateful for that. I haven't had a more one on one talk with him than this so it feels stupid yet heartwarming HAHAH

Karu's been having a lot of bloody nightmares lately. So this is what an experienced fighter can dream about. Vivid sensory pain and lucid fight sequences.

2018-11-24 11:26 Philippines Saturday

Isla and I will get noms first.

A fascinating concept. Well, the concept of a food court is old, but the way they pulled it off is new! I thought it was just one restaurant!

And wit, there is wit everywhere! The number one social language: humor.

sneakpeekLET ME IIIIN!!

okay back to food court

I am so proud of Isla. She's quitting work to pursue med schooolll CCOOOOOLLL

We talked about everything over lunch. Also the future potential Peak resident psychologist thing. She pointed out that ethically, it's not recommended for people with close association with each other to be psychologist and patient due to conflict of interest and high possibility of dependency.

I'm now wondering if it's actually God's gift that I am antisocial.

But I must be careful about this matter. I've been bothered about this topic for years. Because to my experience, most toxic feelings root from a sense of alone-ness and as cheesy as it sounds, sometimes all you need is a friend.

Then again, a psychologist is not a hired friend. I think the better thing to do is be kind and maybe also a friend, but must focus on helping the patient make other friends, generally.

Open and widen their horizons.

On to books. There’s time!

There’s a lot I wanna showww

also a dead fly I found n a back cover

iSN’T IT JUST AMAZING HOW THEY MANAGE TO APPRECIATE the ART OF TELLING A STORY SHORTLY ON ONE PAGE?

2018-11-24 12:00 Philippines Saturday

A LOT HAPPENED

I deviated hahahaha I didn't paint Karu as the horizon.

I painted the horizon as something in his perspective. So you could say he IS the perspective.

Early in our relationship, I used to share my anxiety to him and told him I'd be so happy to die holding hands with him.

And breaking up once in our relationship (it was a wise decision too—due to his need to clarify his own feelings on his own first), I told him how I'm happy to see the horizon beside him, "holding hands or not."

The horizon being the vision, the future, the hopes and the dreams that we move towards.

2018-11-24 16:19 Philippines Saturday

Pasalubong! A grasshopper, because he used to be nicknamed "Tipaklong" back in the varsity team (arnis, basically a wooden extension of the arm. Simply, stick arts.) Or was it back in taekwondo days?

Tipaklong is grasshopper, as you may have already guessed, and he was called that because he's swift and light on his feet. More of a kicker.

We had bloody fun today.

So much love.

My appreciation for Isla is immeasurable.

2018-11-24 18:00 Philippines Saturday

Watching Karu sleep soundly while I prepare dinner for us feels so comfy.

This is my treasure.

It's warm in the heart. I'm happy when I see him rest because he usually barely does. And it's self-destructive.

As the second eldest in our siblings, I always had a sense of fulfillment and ease when my siblings (even the eldest brother) were at ease.

I remember fanning my little sister Nynaeve to sleep when there was a blackout. Also patting her thigh lightly in a slow rhythm to help her get to sleep.

I'd tell Justice (the youngest brother) stories and trivias that kept him interested, curious, and full of wonder with life until he got to sleep.

I'd ask so many questions to Kevin, whether he knew the answer or not and watch him be passionate about some things, especially mechanical apparatus or toys.

Sigh.

Life is hard. But God is good.

2018-11-24 20:00 Philippines Saturday

An unexpected guest of Karu's is here. I quietly stepped out of the house to hang around at my secret spot again.

I don't feel hatred. Or sadness.

I'm just in my quiet space at the moment. Although I am taken aback by the (I'm sorry to say) unpleasant surprise. (I though we discussed that any guest must be given the headsup first whether it's a good time to visit here or not. Apparently it only applies to Karu, oh well x_x)

(Yknow, actually, Karu probably only forgot because he's busy tending to himself. I understand because he's currently depressed.) I'm still staying out here though. I don't wanna have to deal with people right now.

I'm making distance to give it more thought, and see a better perspective.

Karu's depressed and prefers to keep away from me. Since Gallagher is more than welcome to be in his presence, maybe that will be best.

I have a tinge of envy but I think this could help Karu sleep better.

I'm way calmer with facing my heavier moods now. That's good.

Monsters, of course, never really disappear. We don't get to destroy them. Destruction only leads to more destruction.

We don't lose our monsters. We just learn to live with them better.

Must never forget to pray.

Walking is so liberating!

2018-11-24 23:05 Philippines Saturday

Karu asked to read my entries and of course I let him.

Karu tried to explain. He said that towards myself, like to Theodore and Job, he feels like a moving-forward person. So it becomes difficult at times that he's facing a problem that he doesn't feel ready to confront yet. This is the difference with other people, who don't know his stories yet, so he can freely talk about past stuff.

I cried a bit, and tried to hide it since he didn't have to know, but he found out the truth anyway, from realizing that, in this case, he cannot rest in a place like me then.

I've become a walking irony. I'm the one who always tells him to rest, but apparently he cannot because he feels too driven to take the move forward around me, leaving behind the important patient wait for the heart to catch up.

We cleared it all out in the later half of our conversation though.

Turns out Karu has a fear of being vulnerably at his worst around me. He feels that he will destroy me like he did to other people.

He feels like I don't deserve to witness his shitty parts.

But destruction is a two-way thing. There's stimulus, and then there's reaction. He can't take all the blame for "destruction." Breaking up for example is not a full reason to lead to a person's psyche to fall apart. That didn't happen to us. In fact, it only made our individual identities stronger and more solid.

God does not allow man to separate what he has put together. For a sacred union to fall apart, there is only one reason: a severe lack of faith.

I told him he's just gonna have to trust me.

I shared how it's also difficult for me to find the words or even just the voice when I'm being shitty. But we have to strive to tell our story anyway.

That's the thing about trust.

Trust doesn't have a certain guarantee. It's a leap of faith.

I told him that I married both his two sides, I married a beautiful bipolar musical man, and I want to get to know both of them, even the shitty parts, so I can understand and give love accordingly.

I am glad that he feels somewhat better, although he is still in his down. I like how he's started to open up a little and I feel like we're closer now than ever before.

I encouraged him that when I see his shitty sides, I don't really think how shitty it is. It actually reassures me and I think, "oh, he's just as human as I am."

We hug the “night” with many lofs.

2018-11-25 03:00 Philippines Sunday

#paint #story #corpse #cry #books #food court #art #pasalubong #tipaklong #sleep #cook #quote #vulnerable #monsters #chrono4 #quiet #marriage

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