#i even miss Jamie season 1

[readerconfused]

i miss the Ted Lasso characters so much, it's unfair to miss people like that who don't even exist

sometimes i'm silent and go "OMG I MISS THEM SO MUCH"

( i need to re-watch it, Apple TV must think i'm only signing up to see Ted Lasso)

[jamiesfootball]

Whumptober Easy Mode Edition

Day 2: Trust Issues

Going into Whumptober, I knew I wouldn't be able to fill every day's prompt. However, my discord group is doing daily discussions on each day's prompts, so my goal for the month is to at least play with the ideas and then share a little ditty about them on tumblr. If they get written in the future, great! If not, we can at least all have fun playing in the sandbox together

And then today's idea snowballed and it's actually longer than some of the fics I've posted - it's just gonna be like that sometimes. I talk a lot on discord.

So for today I have in mind an AU of the story I posted for day 1:

What if Ted had tried to reach out to Jamie after he was sent back to Manchester? What if he succeeded?

The general idea is that once Jamie leaves, Ted does keep attempting to reach out to him – at first with well-meant voicemails that Jamie reads the worst into, but then via annoyingly chipper text messages.

The problem is that the nicer Ted is, the more Jamie thinks he’s rubbing his face in it.

“Caught your game last night! I know you weren’t on the field much, but boy you made an impression on those spurs. Way to go, bud!”

To which Jamie hears Ted delighting in his severely reduced minutes, sarcastically mocking him for drawing a foul in the last ten minutes. Disguising mind games behind a facade of kindness.

He already got suckered in by that once. Look where letting people in got him. 

He has no way of knowing that Ted actually cares (except Ted insisting he does, of course). More than that, he has no idea that Ted feels guilty for him getting sent off like that without warning (Jamie doesn’t know what’s going on behind the scenes at Richmond, and Ted is taking full responsibility for the fact that Rebecca ‘misunderstood’ whether Ted wanted to keep Jamie.)

But if Ted thinks that his insistent ‘Good luck out there today!’s are going to somehow get into Jamie’s head, or even trick Jamie into giving up details about City, then he’s sorely mistaken.

In fact, Jamie’s going to take this opportunity to tell Ted exactly what he thinks of him.

So they fall into a pattern:

Ted watches all of Jamie’s matches, even the ones where he doesn’t play. He sends encouragement and cute gifs that make Jamie’s eyes roll into the back of his head.

In return, Jamie watches all of Ted’s matches and interviews. He unleashes insults. He mocks Ted’s ability as a coach and the team’s inability to score a fucking goal without him, and he never misses a chance to point out that Roy Kent is a hairy old twat past his prime.

To his horror this only makes Ted start bringing up Jamie in his interviews, talking about how impressed he is with Jamie’s performance and how he does know one thing that Pep doesn’t seem to know: that that kid’s gonna be a star one day.

(Ted doesn’t think for a second how the fuck that’s going to land for Jamie when he goes back into the dressing room. Fucking hell, Ted)

But then the thing about Manchester is that Jamie really didn’t know how good he had it at Richmond until suddenly he had to deal with his dad being around all the fucking time. And it’s absolutely eroding him, like roadkill getting dragged under the wheels of a car.

So one day he has a match where he gets to play the full ninety. Should be a good thing, right? He can finally show off, and hopefully it’ll help him shake off the weird funk he’s been in lately (trouble sleeping, trouble eating, jumpy as hell, and he can’t seem to focus on anything. Normal, but fuck it hasn't been this bad in a long time)

Instead what happens is he goes out and plays the worst 90 minutes of football he’s had all season. Possibly in his entire life.

He never stood a chance. With other players out on injury, it was a guarantee he’d play, and the opposing team came prepared for blood. 

Honestly, with the exception of one very bad moment, he wasn’t awful. Maybe 60-70% of what he’s been putting up all season. Not great, but he hasn’t had a full game with this team literally all season and his head is in a funky place and he’s stressed out.

But the match is a train wreck, and his dad lets him know it. He rips into Jamie like he’s nothing more than a wet newspaper left out overnight.

The cherry on the situation is when he gets home and checks his phone, he finds that Lasso didn’t even bother to send one of his condescending messages about how ‘great’ he played. That’s how bad he played – even lasso feels guilty taking the piss out of him.

Later that night when he’s licking his wounds and rewatching match coverage on Sky sports for the upteenth time, Jamie decides that no, actually, that’s not fucking fair. If Ted’s going to jerk him around then he needs to commit, he’s not allowed to go radio silent just because he feels bad for Jamie or he pities him or something.

He sends an absolutely scathing text message in this respect.

Meanwhile back in London, Ted also had a Bad Day. His marriage is officially dissolved, custody agreements inked and everything. He’s been antsy all day, and to make matters worse him and Beard had a– well, not a fight, exactly, but a cautioning. Beard knows that he’s been texting Jamie, trying to keep in touch with him, and he questions Ted as to whether he thinks that’s wise. He knows what sort of responses Ted gets out of Jamie, and while Ted brushes them off-

“He’s a bit feisty, but if you look past the bark, he’s not so bad. Hell if you edit out some of the profanity, he’s got some pretty good ideas for Richmond mixed in. Well, between taking pot shots at Roy, that is.”

– Beard thinks Ted is maybe letting himself be a bit of a punching bag out of misplaced guilt surrounding the circumstances of his leaving.

“Wow, you’re not mincing words today, huh?”

But between one thing and another, it all gets jumbled up Ted’s head. Later that night he has a conversation with Henry and it goes- fine. Forced. Feels like they’re just stuck in the same old pattern of Ted asking about school and then a few question about Michelle. Then it’s time for Henry’s day to start just as Ted’s is ending, and maybe he’ll pour himself a drink. Maybe he’s been drinking a bit more than he should be lately.

Mostly he feels like a scooped out person today. It’s not until he gets the text from Jamie that Ted realizes oh shoot, that’s right. Jamie had a match. He better get on that really quick.

Double-time, if the amount of acid of that text is any indication. The fact that Jamie reached out first at all is a concern in itself.

Despite what Beard accused him of (which does have some truth to it, if he’s being honest), Ted does, genuinely, enjoy talking to Jamie. He’s a sharp kid with his own point of view and a unique way of putting things together. Ted wouldn’t want to hurt Beard’s feelings by saying it, but Ted’s always learned better with a visual aid, and between watching Jamie’s matches and hearing Jamie talk unfiltered about Richmond’s performance, Ted thinks something’s finally starting to click for him when it comes to this silly little game they call football.

Or at least it’s clicked enough that when he watches the replay of Jamie’s match, his response is a very emphatic, “Oof.”

“Hey, bud. Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. It’s just been a long day. I just watched your match, and wooh-boy, I am sorry. I’m sure that wasn’t exactly how you were hoping your first full game back would go. You know, it’s still crazy to me that y'all actually give the credit of own goals to the player from the opposing team that did it? In hockey, we just give it to the teammate who’s the closest to the goal. Which now that I think of it, probably doesn’t make any sense either, but at least it feels more whimsical. A goal by association, you know, like just the power of somebody else’s presence being nearby was enough to turn the tide and make a difference.

“Look, I know you probably already heard all this tonight – that everyone has a bad day and one match isn’t the end of the world, even if it does feel like it at the time. But you know what, it doesn’t mean you aren’t talented. Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day; nothing for it but to sleep it off and try again next time. So chin up, alright? It’s not easy, trying to find your feet in a place where everyone else already knows what's going on, but anyone who knows you at all should know by now what you’re capable of. This was just a hiccup, nothing worth beating yourself up over. I believe in you, and I know you’ll get ‘em next time.

“Oh, and uh- sorry for the long, rambly voicemail. I know you don’t like those. I just…. I really want you to know that I hope you’re doing alright. And you can call me, too, if you ever need anything, anything at all. I’m just a phone call away.

“You have a good night now.”

Ted hangs up with a long sigh. Not his best work. Nothing he hasn’t said before, really, but he can admit to himself that his heart’s a little sore and that was probably more for himself than for Jamie.

Tomorrow, he promises, tomorrow when he's more clearheaded but no less tenderhearted, he’ll try again. Send Jamie all the usual encouragement and let the kid swat back at him.

Ted doesn’t know that approximately four hours north that Jamie’s listening to his message on repeat. That he’s biting his lower lip so hard that it’s reopened the split. That he’s trying to choke down a sob and losing. That if he presses his face any harder into the cushions, he’ll disappear.

No one told Jamie any of that. Ted’s the only one.

It was easier to brush off Ted when he couldn’t hear the sincerity in his voice. But he listens to the voicemail over and over again, until it’s burned into his brain, until it feels like a living thing in his chest scrambling to get out.

That’s when a niggling feeling of doubt starts to creep in and he starts to scroll back through their text history.

He rereads all the messages Ted has sent him the past few weeks. Caught between Jamie’s own barbwire responses are the “Good job, Jamie!”s and the, “Well done, champ!”s and the, “Well, I don’t know if that sort of feedback is necessarily gonna motivate Roy, but I´ll let him know you were thinking about him. We all really miss you, bud.”

Jamie starts to wonder what they would sound like if they were true. If they were sincere. If Ted really did mean them.

For some reason it’s that thought that finally makes the dam break.

The next two weeks pass in a blur. Ted’s not sure what changed, but after his voicemail something’s different. Usually Jamie thrills in letting Ted have the full force of his opinion, but lately the kid’s so clammed up it’s like digging for pearls. 

(From the way Beard gives him a so-so gesture when he shares his metaphor, Ted figures they’re still in not-agreement on the Jamie situation)

It’s disconcerting, this level of restraint. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear the kid had gone shy. Not too shy, though. He’s still more than willing to tell Ted exactly where Richmond’s strategy is going wrong, although with less colorful language. No, it's mostly his responses to Ted that have taken a muted turn. The last few congratulations Ted has sent, they haven’t gotten back more than a thumbs up in response – which is the opposite of Roy’s usual thumbs down approach. Now Ted has two players that are stubbornly sticking to pictographic communication methods.

(He may not be Jamie’s coach anymore, but in every way that matters Jamie is still his player in his heart)

Ted’s still turning around the puzzle that is Jamie Tartt when the universe decides to throw him a curveball in the form of a phone call from the Mancunian devil himself.

Ted’s halfway through a greeting when Jamie cuts him off with a panicked, “You said I could call you if I ever needed something. Did you mean it?”

There’s a sense of urgency in his voice that makes the hair on the back of Ted’s neck stand up. 

“I meant it from the bottom of my heart. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

In the long pause that follows, ambient noise filters in, a severe and orderly racket that starts filling in some blanks.

Jamie inhales sharply. He sounds wrecked. “I’m in hospital. I’ve, uh. I’ve got a concussion, and they won’t let me leave without…”

He trails off. A small sniff brushes down the line, but it could just as easily be a shirtsleeve sliding across the speaker.

Ted is four hours away down in Richmond. He was on his way to practice. Later this evening, he has one of those press conferences that’s a little too shaped like a firing squad for his comfort. At lunch, he has a meeting scheduled with the scouting department. He’s spent the better part of a week trying to figure out a way to say, “I get what you’re all suggestion, but what I really want is sitting up in Manchester, warming the bench on somebody else’s roster.”

He doesn’t know when he decided he’d fight to get Jamie back, but it wouldn’t change his answer even if he did.

“I‘ll be right there.”

[izzyspussy]

Read any good fics lately? Looking for recommendations

You bet! Here's the last ten most recent fics I bookmarked on AO3.

To All The Better Places by @asteria-argo Five years after Jamie Tartt quits man city and disappears off the face of the earth, some of the players at AFC Richmond participate in an outreach program where they visit some local school, and mentor some of the children. These two events are a lot more connected than they first seem.

The Hound of Nelson Road by @pghumfort Chelsea legend, Roy Kent, disappeared without a trace 1 year ago. Rupert Mannion’s ex-wife, Rebecca Welton, took possession of AFC Richmond 1 week ago. Manchester City loanee, Jamie Tartt, will learn about the feral Staffordshire Bull Terrier in the basement of Nelson Road in about 10 minutes.

Can't Promise Forever by @sky-fire-forever Edward Teach is as part of Izzy Hands as Izzy himself is. But Izzy wants him gone.

Making a Statement by SugMak Roy Kent and Jamie Tartt understood Colin pretty well. He didn't want to be a spokesperson - he just didn't want to have to hide. They'd hoped any attention from that big kiss after their final match last season would have died down by the start of the season. Keeley could have told them it wouldn't.

Call-Up by straydog733 Roy, Keeley and Jamie are having a quiet night in when Jamie gets some troubling news from an old friend.

AD NAUSEAM by providing_leverage Isaac McAdoo learns that his best mate is gay in the worst way possible. Then he wakes up and does it again. Over and over.

Conversations by BRobilliard Missing scene between S2 E04 & E05: What happened after Stede brought Ed back to the ship?

but the past is a minefield (and right now is a prison break) by flibbertygigget The semi-captaincy of one Izzy Hands, one-legged bastard and damn good pirate.

Two Truths And… by MissHazelA Frenchie and Izzy make a bet, fall in love, and accidentally start a ship-wide lying contest.

Credit for Experience by Vee (Vera_DragonMuse) Izzy had no interest in being a 'nontraditional student'. He preferred tradition and flipping off most institutions on principle. Too bad it was the only way to qualify for certification as a C.P.A. and his first career choice smoldered in ruins behind him. He'd get through it. Even if it meant rolling his eyes through an art class to fill a pointless requirement.

[itsclydebitches]

I'm preparing myself for the personal disappointment of Ted going back home to Kansas (even though I don't believe that's his home anymore) and that Trent will see him off in a ruby slippers shirt, especially since Lance has worn one before and we now know a lot of Trent's shirts are coming from his closet:

But in writing another meta I've been thinking a lot about Ted Lasso's clothing, particularly how it is used to connect with others and showcase growth. Sometimes that attempt is a failure and the growth is a detriment to the character, such as Nate trying to copy Roy's all black suit, and sometimes it's a success and the growth is something to celebrate, like Roy finding a compromise between his and Phoebe's tastes with his dark-colored, tie-die t-shirt. Beyond the issue that I don't want Ted to go back to Kansas at all (not unless the intention is to have him realize that Richmond is his true home now), a Dorothy shirt would fall flat for me because there's no in-universe connection to Ted. We as the audience understand the allusion because we've been picking up on hints since Season 1: Ted makes a quip about not being in Kansas anymore, he holds high scores on a Wizard of Oz pinball machine, he's surrounded by other allusions such as an emotionless man in need of a heart (Roy), a scared lion who rejects being a panda (Rebecca), and the comedic, presumed idiot who does in fact have a brain (Jamie). But all of that exists on an analytical level. In-world, Ted hasn't identified with Dorothy and what few connections there are -- such as that acknowledgement that he feels out of his depth in a new world -- are no longer accurate three seasons later, after a hell of a lot of growth. Unlike the suit and the shirts that exist overtly on screen as a way to say, "These characters are sharing a connection," Trent talking to Ted in a Dorothy shirt would feel too removed from textual!Ted and textual!Trent to have the same impact. This shirt totally sums up his story!... provided you've done the work to interpret all the easily missed hints and ignored the ways in which a Wizard of Oz ending would (imo) be a regression for Ted.

With an acknowledgment that I'm playing with all this through the assumption that Trent's shirt will have something to do with Ted, rather than us just getting an Overtly Queer shirt to show that Trent has fully embraced who he is, I've been hemming and hawing over what I'd give him instead. In some ways, Ted is notable for his lack of distinct fashion. He wears Richmond gear 70% of the time and the rest is plain colored long-sleeved shirts and collared shirts with polos. It's a distinctly Ted look to be sure (passionate and athletic vs. soft, comfortable, and mildly professional while still feeling approachable), but there's less material to work with than, say, Keeley's vibrate, quirky wardrobe; or Rebecca's preference towards outfits that emphasize her power as a kind of shield: wealth, beauty, her height; or -- of course -- Trent's move from buttoned-up journalist to queer bracelet, queer mug, queer style icon t-shirts. I can't think of anything Trent could wear off the top of my head that would a) be within his "vibe" and b) scream "I'M DECLARING MY SUPPORT AND/OR ROMANTIC LOVE FOR TED FUCKING LASSO."

Except, of course, for a "BELIEVE" shirt.

While I love and fully agree with Ted's speech about how belief needs to come from within and, thus, their sign is not actually necessary, a part of me is still disappointed that "BELIEVE" is no longer a visual part of the club. I'd be more willing to accept letting it go if we hadn't seen that Ted himself still relies on those visual reminders. Not only does he choose to put the sign up in the first place rather than simply telling the boys to believe in themselves, but back when Nate was doubting their chances in Ted's apartment, Ted sprints to his bathroom to retrieve one of mini signs he, obviously, keeps on hand and presumably sees every morning, soon as he gets up. It's important to him, not just the message, but the physicality of the reminder itself, so I've been expecting/hoping for the message to return in a new form by the end of the season.

Granted, that little moment was a while ago and it's possible that the writers didn't realize the implications it would have when Ted later ripped up the sign. However, another reason why I don't think my expectation is completely hopeless is because of the Season 3 promo, wherein all the Richmond family make their own BELIEVE signs. Forgetting a small gag back in Season 1 or 2 is understandable, but the promotion for the latest season? Why in the world would our advertising emphasize -- and celebrate! -- all the characters creating signs of their own if the message was meant to be, "Let the sign go. It's no longer needed"?

We didn't get this scene in the show proper, but it still speaks volumes that they filmed a moment where every character puts their own spin on the BELIEVE sign, using it to highlight their personality. Then, we end with a shot of Ted's touched approval as he talks about feeling seen.

Chronologically, Trent would have been around for all this. There's no need for the team to make their own signs until they realize the original has been torn and, obviously, Trent had become a part of the family by then. He's the one who discovered how the sign was torn in the first place. So if we read the promo as canonical, even if it didn't end up in an episode, why wouldn't Trent have joined in with everyone else? Thing is, he doesn't have a locker to hang a sign on, or even an office to put it in, and given that he's worn the same two bracelets and consistently used the same mug, there's really only one way that Trent shows his personality:

Shirts.

Some of which are notably brightly colored with blocky text referencing American-style learning.

I don't want Trent to walk into the finale with a Dorothy shirt whose importance only exists on a subtexual level and heralds Ted leaving the actual home he's worked to build. I want Trent to strut out in a bright yellow shirt with BELIEVE across the front, announcing to the world that, yes, he believes in the Lasso Way. Give me the implication that he had this made when everyone was personalizing their signs. Give me a fully confident "dork" who's willing to excitedly proclaim his love and support without fear of censor. Give me a BELIEVE reminder that's now tailored to the individual and can be worn or safely tucked away as needed. Give me the possibility (because it's not gonna be canon😭) that Trent is in love with Ted and he's going to display that in the most overt but-not-actually-saying-it way possible.

He sees Ted and he loves what he sees.

Dorothy and her allusion don't exist in the textual show proper and they're definitely not connected to Trent's relationship with Ted. What is though? The very first words Trent said about Ted that weren't an insult, accusation, snide remark, or disbelieving question:

"I can't help but root for him."

What better way to take Trent full circle than to let him literally wear his heart on his sleeve, shouting in bright colors and with a noticeable vibe that yes, he does believe in Ted Lasso.

[lunar-years]

and like, the thing about the amsterdam james lore was that if they wanted a james redemption, they could have used that as an opportunity to soft launch it! "my dad took me to amsterdam and we actually had a good time, but after we got back home he started drinking again and things got bad again." i still dont think thats justification for jamie reconnecting with him, but at least we could have canon evidence he was an okay dad when sober. but no, they doubled down, and made trying to kill a main character somehow *not* the worst thing james had done

Yeah I think what's most crazy is that scene solidified in my own mind so many missing pieces in my own headcanoned Jamie lore. We learnt SO much in that scene and not one single piece of information pointed towards "this is a character who is going to not only recover but act as a non-negative presence in Jamie's life."

New information I gathered from the Amsterdam scene:

As you pointed out, physical/emotional abuse of his son and nearly murdering Beard are not the topmost crimes on James Sr.'s scorecard.

leading into, Jamie is a csa victim

Jamie doesn't remember it happening. we've discussed at length what that could stem from and yes there are multiple explanations but. well. uhh. none of them are good. i think.

Others disagree, and that's completely fine, but I very much think the scene is coded as This Is The First Time Jamie Has Told Anyone What Happened and Roy is Now the Only Person Who Has this Information.

At the time of taking Jamie to Amsterdam, James Sr. was trying to get back together with Georgie and playing up the "Superdad" routine

Others disagree with this as well, but I read that line as Jamie implying it was neither the first nor last time James had tried those tactics (and possibly been successful at one or more points, we don't know one way or another)

Georgie allowed Jamie to go to Amsterdam with James and then presumably allowed James to continue seeing Jamie afterwards (we're given no information to the contrary, anyway)

So taking all of that together, to me it's not just the confirmation that the abuse Jamie suffered at his father's hands was even more abhorrent than we thought or that Jamie's trauma runs deeper than we previously thought. It's also evidence that Jamie has never been in a position where he's felt comfortable with confronting that trauma and has yet to unpack all of the things he has gone through.

Furthermore, the scene hints that what we see at the end of s3 is (imo quite possibly) not the first time James has been in rehab or at least claimed to have sobered up or shown signs of recovery, only to fall back into his old ways shortly afterwards. This is indicated by Georgie allowing him to take their son out of the country, which (considering we meet her later in the season and get a sense of her character, including her deep love for her son) I cannot imagine her doing had James been obviously still a drunk. This is also why I personally believe Jamie hasn't told her what happened, because he continues to see his father after he returns. I just can't see Georgie allowing that had she known.

None of this sets the scene for a successful James recovery arc. In fact, for me it makes the whole thing worse and so unlikely to end for good because 1) Jamie forgives his father before even processing everything his father did to him, and without informing any of the people closest to him, let alone consulting an actual professional. This to me does not indicate Jamie is in the right mental place to be embarking on this new journey. 2) There is absolutely a more-than-plausible chance James Sr.'s current rehab stint will follow the same cycle as times previous: he's better for a while. he's superdad! until he's not. and Jamie as usual becomes collateral damage.

I therefore am forced to conclude Jamie could very well be opening himself up to more hurt and more pain at his father's hands, when he hasn't even dealt with his current backload of hurt and pain. If we were supposed to feel hopeful in the final scene where Jamie visits him--I have to say, because of what THEY told us and wrote about their backstory, I feel anything but.

[pastryland]

galex completed fic recommendations

If any of the authors of the fics mentioned here or are tagged and don't want their fics to be here, please let me know and I'll remove it!

Will update this list periodically

❤️ = favorite

⭐️ = I love fics by this author in general

❌ = triggering themes

🔥 = explicit

raw - 4k - ❤️

George is hungry and Alex is a volunteer in the food bank.

all i do is try, try, try - 13k

Alex is first in line to the throne, George is still a Formula 1 driver.

It's You I Fell Into - 23k - 🔥

When George signs up to marry someone he's never even met before in the name of a social experiment, he's not sure what to expect.OrThe Married At First Sight AU that noone asked for.

hands, knees, please - 4k

And Alex looks right back, tall and firm, one step further now and backlit by the sun kissing them both an orange goodbye. He meets the daring glint of George’s eye with a smile, an amused one, like his taunting is something he knows exactly how to dismantle, undeterred by what it means and almost excited to see it transpire. On the receiving end of that smirk, George is left only with the understanding that this isn’t friendly and a want so intense that he can barely sit together with.

i see you got that new mercedes, i might let you drive me crazy - 10k

“These black fireproofs look really good on you”, Alex comments. “It makes you look kind of hot.” Someone next to him coughs loudly and he’s surprised to see it isn’t George, but Lando. George just stares at him with a blank expression on his face. “Only kind of hot?” he teases when he finally has realised what Alex said. “Don’t you mean… George Russell, you look incredibly hot in those Mercedes fireproofs, you’ve never looked so good before… That’s what you meant, right?” Seeing George in those Mercedes fireproofs makes Alex think about his best friend in a way he never has before, but he himself is the last one to actually realise what that means. Except for George, of course.

ours to tell - 8k - ❤️

rubontruther Okay that's it I'm making a Rubon 2023 shenanigans masterpost. #And maybe some people will come to the realisation that maybe they are dating galextruther YES JAMIE DO IT WE WILL SHOW THEM THE TRUTH 13 notes rubontruther 17 Reasons Why We Think George Russell And Alex Albon Are A Couple We’re only six months into 2023 and Alex and George have been keeping us well-fed with their content, but if you look at everything together, it seems like they’re dating. Why? Well, see for yourself. *** After almost five years of dating, Alex and George are done with all the hiding and secrecy, so Lily, Carmen and Alicia suggest a soft launch. The internet has some thoughts on the matter.

you and me till the end of time - 28k

The one where George has a four-year-old daughter and Alex is her preschool teacher.

no precedent - 4k - ⭐️ 🔥

If he just wins, this will all end. If he just wins, Mercedes will build a fast car for next season. If he just wins, Alex will want him again.

spread before you like a picnic - 10k - ❤️ ⭐️ 🔥

Now, weeks later, he thinks that was probably the reason he’d said it, why when he came back to himself and noticed that Alex had manhandled him on his stomach and was in the process of peeling George’s jeans down, his first instinct was to say, panicky: “You can’t fuck me.”

and the stars shine upon us - 7k - ❌

In a world where soulmates are rare and their existance is a pain to many, George grows up noticing a lot around him. But it's the things he misses that tell his story. He is more than sceptical about the concept of a soulmate and is left scared when he realizes that it could tear Alex and him apart.

driver's license - 12k

"You said forever, now I drive alone past your street" Or Alex struggles to come to terms with how things changed once their paths diverged. (Yes, it's loosely based on the song)

Rescue You - 3k

‘What are you doing?’ George's panicked voice sounded from behind him. ‘Don’t fall, please.’ Alex jumped onto the floor of the other balcony and turned around with a wide grin. ‘I’m stealing my neighbour’s cat.’ George blinked at him a few times before his lips slowly curled up in an equal grin. ‘How scandalous of you, can I help?’ OR: Alex and George save a neglected cat and realize they have feelings for each other.

nothing but teeth - 25k - ❤️ ⭐️ 🔥

“Oh, come on.” Alex says, poking George in the thigh again with his foot. “Don’t tell me you’ve never done a little-” Alex makes a complicated hand-wavy gesture that has the contents of his glass nearly sloshing over the sides. “At your fancy boy schools, a little stiff upper-lipped make-out amongst the chaps? In between rounds of cricket and fox hunting?”

grafted laurel - 1.6k - ⭐️

It’s a breathtaking journey to the outpost at sea where George and Alex are supposed to deliver the handwritten letter of gratitude from the King -- through forests and moorlands, a five days’ ride if you hurry. They’re not hurrying.

the price you pay for loss of control - 2k - ⭐️ 🔥

The bedsheets are soft where George is gripping them. George tries to concentrate on the cotton between his fingers instead of the burning between his legs. The thread count has to be over 800 at least. It’s a wedding stationary colour. He tries to place the exact shade. Ecru, maybe. In the right light, if it had enough sheen, it could be ivory. His sister has been picking out wedding stationary lately. She’s getting married next year, mailing out save the dates for June 2027, and George is losing another championship.

soldier down (on that icy ground) - 21k - ❤️ ⭐️

When later asked, George will always quote 2021 as the tipping point in his career as a Formula 1 driver. He didn’t know that back then. Obviously. But in hindsight, everything that led to this could be traced back to the three events in 2021. OR: Friends drive for Mercedes. Everything that can goes wrong. Again.

ode to a conversation stuck in your throat - 40k - ❤️ 🔥

They’d agreed on friends when Alex had come to collect the last of his things from George’s flat. George had been adamant about it, all uncomplicated smiles, like they hadn’t just spent six months living in each other’s pockets and having some of the most bizarrely intimate sex of Alex’s life. And friends is a noble intention, but. Alex still only has one friend who’s sucked him off in their driver’s room.

From whom you are standing still - 1.6k - ❤️

George has practised the whole set-up, of course. His laptop links to his tv with a HDMI cable, and then he can use the remote to move between slides. He's not wearing a suit (too much) but he's got a nice jumper on, and jeans that sit well on his legs, show off his thighs a bit. He's got a glass of water on the side table in case his throat gets dry. He's got his hair gelled into place. Alex is sprawled across the sofa, looking bored. He says, "George. Mate. What is this. I thought we were going to play FIFA, but I'm getting more of a 'you trying to sell me a timeshare' vibe." "Timeshares aren't good value for money," George says automatically. He's just checking through his slides one last time before he broadcasts them to the television.

all hunger, all restraint and poised bones - 18k - ❤️ 🔥

A simple thought cuts through his mind, hard-edged and cold in its importance. The person taking action was not him. These last thoughts do not belong to George. That means that the fear and shock do not belong to him either. God, he's feeling Alex's fear and Alex's shock. He pushes Alex away before he can feel his disgust alongside it.

the trajectory of us - 2k

The Vegas Grand Prix had been doomed from the start. When George and Alex both crash out there's not a lot to be done. The race is only secondary to the fact that they're both okay. When Alex mentions finding other things to do in Vegas than watch a shit race together, George comes up with an idea that seems like the natural course of action.

all green lights - 22k - ❤️ 🔥

Sorry mate I think you've got the wrong number

we found wonderland (you and i got lost in it) - 34k - ❤️ ⭐️

He closes his eyes one more time and opens them again. The clock on his dashboard mercilessly creeps ever so closer to eight am, the agreed upon time. The time he is supposed to be in the factory to meet Alex, his new rookie teammate and the Williams team he will be working with for the next year. He hopes there will be some familiar faces around, that not all his mechanics and engineers left just yet. OR: Alex left racing after Red Bull, George is at the end of his career himself. They are about to meet again

capture every minute, the feeling in it - 2k - 🔥

George thinks it's probably a coincidence that Alex asks him to make a sex tape less than a week after George bought a ring for his girlfriend. Alex sucks on his tongue and kisses the tip of it once, chaste and silly, where no one else has kissed him before in his life, then leans back and says, "Let me film you like this."

the way back - 30k - ❤️ 🔥

"You've never really been normal about each other," Alex is told.

table in the back - 47k - ❤️ ⭐️ 🔥

“Okay, here’s the offer." Alex says. "I’m going to make you something and if you don’t like it, you don’t pay. How does that sound?” “So I get a good meal or a free meal?” George asks. “Sounds like a no-lose scenario.” “Keen eye, George,” Alex grins. “Figured out my terrible business sense on the first try. Alright, take it or leave it.”

The Honey of Humanity - 59k - ❌

It's a death that after eight long years brings them all back together. It's been almost a decade since the self-proclaimed 'Bellgate Eight' have all seen one another. It just happens that the funeral of their shared past Literature teacher, George's life role model, is what brings them back together, for the better or the worse. Alternatively; an exploration of justice and injustice, love and hate, fire and water, and perhaps most fittingly the novel they studied together in their senior year at the prestigious Bellgate Academy; crime and punishment.

[p-redux]

You know, I am stunned at the lack of logic and critical thinking in this fandom. It’s like those with extreme opinions have such strong confirmation bias that they can’t get out of their own way. When I read some of these posts on lots of different blogs, I am struck at the logical questions that are never truly answered- well except by ad hominem attacks and logical fallacies and extensive conspiracy theories.

1. Wouldn’t a TV show that’s not on a well-known and popular streaming service love the PR they’d get if their costars were actually in love and in a real life relationship? What value does the production company gain by keeping them hidden for almost 10 years? I can’t logically see that it would bring more profits. So we’re supposed to love a loyal, brave, committed, and family-oriented Jamie, but we need a single, sexy Sam to sell the show?? Cognitive dissonance anyone?

2. Now that it’s well established that Sam and Caitriona essentially ARE Outlander and are EPs, wouldn’t they have the power to say no more if this “ narrative” was true? If they quit, there’s no OL. Couldn’t they refuse to film anything else if they aren’t allowed to tell the truth (if it’s hidden)? It’s interesting that Ron and Terri are married, Maril and Matt have twins together, but S and C were forbidden to be together? I would think that could be a legitimate lawsuit. Didn’t they renegotiate new contracts since the first season?

3. Do people actually believe that Sam and Caitriona are good people, philanthropic people, hard working entrepreneurial people, wonderful human beings but at the same time think that either of them would actually lie about their own children? With Sam’s childhood, people honestly think he would deny his kids AND be away from them for months? That they both would lie and deceive us about her father’s funeral?

4. So it’s been 10 years and NOT ONE person associated with either of them has publicly and clearly stated, with no doubts or other possible connotations, that they are really together? No costars? No personal friends? No teacher of their kids? No hospital personnel where the kids were born? No extras on OL? No crew members- even those that have been gone long enough that any NDA they signed about the production would have expired? No hotel staff where they may have traveled with their kids? No former “fake gfs” who might be pissed? No friends of “ fake gfs” that want to defend their friend and set the record straight? Not one person who has been associated with OL who might just think this is harmful to children? No photos of them with kids in public- clear photos, not reflections or someone in the background that we cannot clearly identify? Not videos where we cannot tell who is actually there? Wouldn’t someone somewhere have gotten a photo of them together as a family? In ten years? Have you P, seen evidence that I haven’t? I have seen nothing but reflections, blurry images, unidentifiable people in the background. Am I missing something?

5. About their chemistry- they aren’t the only actors I have ever seen that have great chemistry but no real romantic relationship. There are lots of them. It’s like people don’t know what actors actually do. So much of chemistry in acting between actors is about trust and respect for the work. Even some of the best chemistry has been between actors who didn’t really like each other in real life, but were able to use their chemistry and their talent to create characters we believed loved each other.

6. Lastly, I can’t wrap my brain around liking and respecting these two actors for their work and for their real lives, while claiming every day they are lying to me.

People see what they want to see or what they need to see to support their position.

Occam’s Razor tells me that the simplest explanation is often the best one.

Hopefully when OL finally ends, these two will get some peace.

Now, watch the “but what about ______? “start.

Bless you Anon for summarizing everything I and countless other SANE fans have been saying in the Outlander fandom for the last 9 years. The thing is...some Extreme Shippers continue to ship for a few reasons. I put them in these categories:

1. OG shippers who have invested SO many YEARS in their SamCait fantasy ship. They want to "save face." It's embarrassing to acknowledge that you were fed and believed a LIE for so long. Their egos can't handle it, so they'd rather double down, and find a way to pretzel their brains around things that are obvious facts to the rest of us. They don't want to feel like they "lost." So, they just keep on denying the TRUTH and the mountains of evidence showing that Sam and Cait are not a couple in real life. The alternative is too painful to them. It's been too much time, too much energy, too much of themselves invested in the ship, and they are missing something in their real lives. The ship fills that void.

2. New fans to Outlander who have recently discovered it. They've gone down the rabbit hole of shipper Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter X accounts and they haven't climbed their way out yet to blogs like mine, and other Non-Shippers.

3. The Fake Shippers who pretend to be shippers to MAKE MONEY off those still clinging on to the life boats. There are still bloggers and shipper groups who know they have a captive audience in shippers holding out hope that some of what the original shipper leaders sold them might actually be true. These fake shippers manipulate gifs, pictures, videos, SHOW shippers what they WANT to see. They keep them hanging on with podcasts, magazine, subscriptions. They sell them trips to Scotland, conventions t-shirts, mugs, daily "proof" that Sam and Cait secretly live together with their 5 bairns. And because con artists are experts at conning people, they make everything believable...and some poor souls buy what they're selling. Literally BUY 💵 what they're selling. Sadly, this fandom is filled with a lot of retired women with disposable income, who are lonely or disillusioned with their own lives. And they are easy pickings for the money hungry fake shippers.

So, in summary, the reason there are still some SamCait Shippers is a combination of fake shippers SELLING them the fantasy AND women needing to STILL hold onto the fantasy. With a few actually mentally unwell women thrown in here and there, who have diagnosable mental health issues.

It's actually quite sad. If only they had gotten off the ship with the rest of us years ago, they could have been enjoying celebrating REAL love. Instead, they're on a constantly rocky ship that causes them disappointment more often than not. Here, on terra firma, no one needs Dramamine. It's lovely. Because it's REAL. 💞

[vole-mon-amour]

You know, I was surprised by the amount of people asking for s4. I understand, it's your favourite show. Mine, too. I'll be devastated if we never see Phil as Jamie again (he's my fav character, can't do anything about it). I'll miss him very very much.

However,

1. I was amazed by the amount of things they got wrong but general audience saying that the finale was perfect and asking for more. We must be watching a very different show.

2. After that AMA with Brendan, I simply don't trust the writers to continue this. In my mind it's a bit of a relief that we're probably not getting more because of the possibility of them ruining it even further.

Sure, one of my fav episodes (Sunflowers, 3x06) was written by Jason S. and Joe Kelly. Brendan was probably involved in some way, but not enough to give him credit for writing and directing it.

International break, 3x10, was written by Jane Becker. There are moments that I dislike, but the entire Uncle day? Roy & Jamie being besties? Roy finding the right words after he sees Jamie giving a nod to Sam that couldn't represent his team? Chef's kiss. I still think the way they handled Roy x Keeley was awful, but still. It was, more or less, a nice episode in my opinion.

Mom city, 3x11, was written by both Jason and Brendan & I absolutely LOVE it for most part (especially if we ignore the entire 'forgive him' thing with Jamie's dad). Jamie-centric episode that I'll always cherish & it's a shame we didn't have more of those. Give Phil all the awards. Love love LOOOVEEE IIITTT. Even better, give Jamie his own spin-off and invite Phil back as Jamie. (But then again, the fear of them bringing James back into Jamie's life and showing it as a good thing... The fear is Real.)

However, how could all Jason, Joe, and Brendan together write and release 3x12 as is is beyond me. How could they give us all those parallels, all that build up, only for it to ruin it in the finale? Jamie and his dad, Beard and Jane, the weird triangle thing that before this was mostly presented as ot3 but suddenly turned in the dumbest possible '2 people are chasing another same one' and Roy & Jamie both being OOC as HELL. Even ot3 aside, what was that bar talk? Jamie would never. Then at Keeley's house and Roy that's 'been working his ass off for the past year' but actually regressed to the point of BEFORE we see him in s1. He was presented as mentally mature in s1. I understand that he's jealous and insecure, but getting back to throwing punches at your best friend trying to convince himself/believing that after one night stand (that was VERY poorly addressed in 3x10 and 3x11 in my opinion) you're getting back together with your ex when she's been turning you down again and again? After that misogynistic comment about "But she's a woman, so you never know." WHO wrote that and why? Who allowed this to appear in the actual episode? And don't give me the "He's only human" treatment, he was always human but he never treated Keeley that shitty. He was better than that from the beginning. Or is it just me who wanted him to be better? Plus, Roy attacking Jamie after KNOWING what Jamie went through and how awful it is for him.

Before TL there was a show that I loved very much, but it disappointed me to the point that I started hating it, dropped it before the last season aired, and blacklisted it everywhere. I won't name it, but the writers were absolutely awful and treated the fans and the main gay ship like clowns. Typical Cis White Guys behavior towards their own characters and writing them as OOC as possible. I was very afraid this might happen to TL but was hoping that it won't. After 3x12? You guys. All my trust into their writing and believing in knowing what they're doing completely disappeared.

I am gutted bc of how much this show means to me and how it helped me through the darkest time in my life, but also... Are we sure we want more? Are we sure we trust them to continue this with these characters? I can kinda imagine the female football team, but to continue with all of our favs?

Mmm, I'm not sure about that, guys. Are you?

[girlwithamissingpearl]

I finally did it. I streamed all 6 episodes of Outlander season 7. I’m not saying I was disappointed but…

First of all I immediately re-watched episode 1. And I’ll tell you why. Streaming 5 seasons of Outlander while reading or listening to all 9 books has made it difficult to separate the book from the show. Like many I discovered Outlander during Covid and was immediately addicted. I started reading the books but found I would get impatient and speed read throughout the book looking for Jamie and Claire. When I started listening to the audio versions it was a completely different experience. Also a humbling one as I started losing count of all the words I had mispronounced, and context I missed speed reading through each book. Naturally I started to notice where the series stayed true to the books and when it didn’t. I’ll use book and season 1 as an example. I watched the series first then read/ listened to Outlander and very slowly book JF and CF became series JF/SH and CF/CB. For those who haven’t spent 40 hours or so listening to each book, take it from me, you get things mixed up.

Fast forward to Season 7. Remember book 9 was released during the long drought so I was already decades ahead of where the season started. Plus I already had favourite scenes I was looking forward to watching. The reason I felt I had to immediately rewatch ep 1 was because I felt they tried to tie up too many story lines in an hour. It felt rushed to me because I was comparing it to the book and parts that were changed or not addressed. Fortunately by episode 6, all was well in Outlander land.

A few points:

For the first time I really enjoyed watching SS as Briana, especially during her scene with JF/SH by the stones

I thought the casting of Rachel and Denzel Hunter were very close to the book version

Casting CV as WR was perfection. At times I could really see a strong resemblance to SH. The scene where Rachel shaves William, in the light, his profile, jawline and clear blue eyes are so close to the book version but also SH as JF. Even off camera based on sm the way they are athletic, extreme sports, love of music, build etc. Totally believe they could be father and son. By music I mean CV can and SH wants to play��

That said I can’t believe we have to wait to see the father/son reunion. I don’t believe that they have even done any press together

I wish my hair could grow as fast and long and lovely as CF. CB just gets better with every season. She just never ages. Perfection as CF. Love that WR referred to her as a curly wig general!

With so many stories, timelines, time travel and new characters JF sort of becomes a supporting cast member at times. The screen time with JF/CF is great to see but not given the time to let us enjoy the magic of previous seasons. But the love is still there.

Finally SH as JF. I was a bit teary watching the scenes at the stones and I’ll miss young Jemmy. Again I really want to see father and son together. As for his acting, SH has become JF. I know we joke about his 5 acting things, but even in limited scenes with no dialogue his performance is powerful.

Now if I could just sit back and enjoy the rest of the season without trying to compare it to the book, look for clues as to the future of J &C and what that blasted last page of book ten will reveal. Until then, thank fuck for great pizza, wine and twizzlers. And of course the amazing gals that put up with me in my small corner of the fandom😉

[thetarttfuldickhead]

As big an OT3 shipper as I am, I have to admit that both Roy and especially Keeley both would have a bit of a way to go based on how they end the series in order to be fully happy in the OT3. Jamie on the other hand I'm fairly sure has been up for it since s1 ep 1, and up for it without thinking it would be mostly hate sex from Roy since about S2 ep 6.

Hiya, nonny!

Keeley, I think, absolutely need some time alone. Some time voluntarily alone, I should say,

because she was single there for a bit in season 3, but she sure as hell wasn’t happy about it. While there are issues she need to adress in order to function well long-term in a relationship  (I am still rather upset that Roy is the one to apologise in 2x07, for instance), I also believe she just needs to be on her own for a bit; focus on herself, find out who she is outside of her romantic and/or sexual relationships, decide what she wants the balance between her career and her love life to look like… all that. Interestingly, and for all that she’s emotionally competent, I think that Keeley’s the one of them furthest from actually facing her issues face on. She needs to sit with herself for a bit, come to terms with the fact that there’s things she need to work on, and things she need to figure out… (Also, for her own sake, she needs to give Jamie and Roy time to figure out how the two of them can resolve their conflicts without turning her into a mediator; but the risk of that was arguably bigger earlier on.)

Roy now… Once he understands and accepts wanting to be in a relationship with Jamie, I think he would be very happy to be in the OT3 – but that’s when it gets dicey, isn’t it; when he starts to think he’s too happy? Because then he starts to question whether it can last, whether he deserves it, whether his partners will put up with him, and why should they, when he’s suck a fucking useless twat whom they’d be much better off without? Our Roy boy certainly has some way to go yet – but he’s brave and stubborn and has already taken the first step into Dr. Sharon’s office, so I’m confident he’ll get there. (There might be some macho jealousy bullshit for him and Jamie to sort out, too… and they might get so caught up in that they initially completely miss the fact that Keeley gets jealous, too, and feels left out sometimes, just because Jamie and Roy’s thing have grown so intense over the past year when Keeley was busy with other stuff. Then there’s the whole coach/player deal which I think Jamie is very happy to disregard and Roy… might not be so much, especially not when he’s new to the manager gig. And as much as Jamie might get off on Roy being rough with him, and as much as he understands Roy in general, I think Jamie needs Roy to be a bit more expressive with his affection down the road, or Jamie will start to feel insecure and… Well. Jamie doesn’t deal well with feeling insecure.)

And as for Jamie, I agree that Jamie would have been down for a threesome right from the get-go, but I think it’s fair to say that he would not, at that time, have been able to handle a proper triad relationship. The sex? Absolutely. The rest of it… Eh. Our darling prick had a lot of growing up to do, and while you certainly can do the growing while in a relationship, I think that as hot as the hate sex would have been (to Jamie and to me!), it would have been too volatile to last -- even given the fact that Jamie would probably soften a bit with Roy when given the attention (and reluctant admiration) he wants, which would in turn have Roy soften on Jamie a bit. (That said, I adore fic that explore them getting together early, when things are still very tense between Roy and Jamie, because them trying to navigate that is just messy and delightful.)

But Jamie’s spent the last year and a half reflecting and working on his issues, and he’s also been single for that whole time (as far as we know). He is, I should argue, very ready for a relationship; but he’s not gasping for one, desperate to be with someone just to not be alone. That’s a very good place to start from, so yeah, I certainly agree that out of the three Jamie is the one best emotionally equipped for the OT3 to commence at the end of S3. Which isn’t to say that Jamie doesn’t still have issues and work to do. Roy may have been first to escalate the argument in 3x12, but Jamie went right there with him, and Jamie also has shown a tendency to overcorrect when trying to adjust his behaviour, which may well cause some hiccups down the road. Additionally, while Jamie is often very open and forthright and expressive, he also has a habit of lying when he’d rather not delve into his real feelings or reasoning. That’s going to take some dealing with.

All in all, it’s likely to be a bumpier ride than we sometimes allow for – but to me that’s a feature, and not a bug! I like my ships messy – and at the end of the day, Ted Lasso was never about achieving perfection, but about trying, and trying again. And because – I think – of how much these characters love each other and how well they complement each other, they will keep on trying, stubbornly climbing back to their feet each time they fall down, doing better for themselves and for each other, offering support and encouragment and forgiveness – again and again, as they keep moving toward better; together, and so much happier for it.

[expectopatronum-spell]

Here are the facts:

Keeley is clearly not over Roy and her rebound relationship ended terribly

Roy has been pining for Keeley all season

Keeley getting less and less over Jamie as he becomes an accountable grown up

Jamie has been pining for Keeley since season 1

Roy and Jamie went from enemies to riding around Amsterdam looking for Windmills

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t see a way out of this situation that isn’t all 3 of them getting together. The only other option was Jack and that’s dead in the water.

I mean, I don’t even ship them! But I cannot see another way to wrap their stories in the next 4 episodes. Can anyone? Have I missed the obvious alternative here?

[nobigsecrets]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

Ha, I did think about digging up last year's review and doing it sometime before Christmas! Because I've done these for a few years now. But I have barely written anything in 2023 and I never went looking. But now that I've been tagged I'm gonna do it, even if it comes out on the (very) short side. Thank you for the tag, @itwoodbeprefect!

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Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 32,393

fics posted: 5

first fic: Rainbows over Waikiki

last fic: "Are you mad?" (Chapter 7 of H50 Short Fics and Prompt Fills)

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Ships and Fandoms ⚓

Hawaii Five-0 (2010) (2) McDanno, of course

Ted Lasso (TV) (3) Roy x Jamie, who I have shipped since season 1 (when Jamie confessed to Roy about the poster) and I find it somewhat funny that it has become the fandom's Big Ship only after last season

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Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

With 5 fics in total this one is easy:

Oi! Tartt! Boot Room now! Ted Lasso, Roy x Jamie, T, 1k words

Those Lips (Red as Blood) Ted Lasso, Roy x Jamie, T, 1.4k words

Rainbows over Waikiki H50, McDanno, M, 27k words, incomplete

One night at G-A-Y Ted Lasso, Roy x Jamie, T, 405 words

"Are you mad?" H50, McDanno, G, 567 words

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Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

Picking just one:

Rainbows over Waikiki Shortly after his mom dies, Steve kisses his best friend Luca. A week later his dad shoves him back into the closet by sending him away to the Army-Navy-Academy. What follows is a life full of lying and hiding and pretending—until he finds support from unlikely allies. Things get complicated when he returns to Hawaii 20 years later, when DADT is repealed and he falls head over heels for his new partner, Danny Williams. This is Steve’s story.

My baby. My big story. The Project that I've been working on for several years tbh. It's still incomplete even though there's not much that's missing (mostly editing, a missing link between the last two chapters and parts of the epilogue). I wrote most of it in 2022 and was on a good way to finishing it at the beginning of 2023 so I started posting. I don't know what happened then. Too much work, too much stress, call it writer's block if you will, I haven't been able to pick it back up. I will finish it, I promise, I just don't know when. 🥺

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Fandom Fic Events 🤝

none

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Projects for 2024 👀

After the last year I don't have much trust in making fic writing plans anymore. I don't think my work load will decrease anytime soon. But then, maybe I should stop waiting for the day I'm suddenly not tired anymore and just write anyway. Because I miss writing. A lot.

So let's treat this as a wish list more than an actual project list, yeah?

The fic that is closest to finishing is a continuation of One night at G-A-Y, with a gay Roy trying to figure out what kind of flavor queer Jamie is, if at all.

A McDanno fic where Steve has been dishonorably discharged from the Navy thanks to DADT. He returns to Hawaii, out and proud now because fuck the Navy, and he opens up a queer gym after he doesn't find a place where he can train without either hiding or suffering harassment. When a man dies in an illegal MMA fight, Steve suddenly finds himself subject of a police investigation led by (surprise!) Detective Danny Williams. In my mind this is another Big and Long Story. Maybe I can find a way to break it down into small chunks.

A kind of dark-ish fic where, despite being a SEAL and therefore very capable of defending himself, thank you very much, Steve finds himself at a disadvantage when he's assaulted by a bunch of homophobe thugs.

I have collected a variety of paragraphs and snippets around a transmasc!Steve headcanon. I haven't figured out what to do with them yet.

And, of course, finish Rainbows Over Waikiki

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Tagging ✨

I think most people I know have been tagged in the original post. I'm adding (no pressure) @cowandcalf, @goneahead, @emphasisonthehomo, @lukeclvez and anyone (you!) who wants to join in.

[lunar-years]

Roy’s been so obsessed with Jamie the whole time, actually. Keeley ‘s a little bit weird about him too.

- While flirting with Keeley in the press room, trying to get her to give him a second chance “Because I like you more than I hate him”

- Keeley being turned on by Jamie offering an inkling of vulnerability after showing up at her door

- “Every time I wanna kiss my girlfriend, I can’t stop thinking about Jamie fucking Tartt”

- In the middle of making out with Keeley, literally on top of her after he’s just walked in on her masturbating, “What did you tell the prince prick of all pricks about going back to Richmond?”

- Jamie thinking Roy and Keeley started dating just to make him jealous which. Well. Keeley technically had sex with Jamie to get back at Roy in Season 1

I’m probably missing some moments but They Are Just So Weird About Each Other. And in retrospect, the love triangle angle could’ve been done soooo much better. I hate that Jamie’s apology for the video leak is diminished when he tells Roy about it in the bar, but I do understand it shows their character regression and serves a greater purpose for Roy’s arc. And maybe it’s an unpopular opinion, but it would’ve been more interesting if Keeley and Jamie had sex after he apologized in S3 (although the hug was really sweet).

idk why but the way you worded it "Keeley's a little bit weird about him too" actually made me laugh out loud lmao. Thank you for that anon. I think Keeley ALSO being unhinged about Jamie is something that is underrated!

I think my favorite is the scene where Keeley masturbates to Roy's retirement presser because the whole thing is SO 'Jamie is the third person in the room right now even though he is not actually here in the room.' Like. Let's compile the Evidence in that scene alone:

Keeley's vulnerability kink is activated so hard by Jamie having traced her to her coffee shop to seek her advice specifically that she immediately goes home to have a wank about it. Except she can't wank to Jamie can she? That would be bad because she's In a Committed Relationship. So she pulls out her old reliable Roy vulnerability video to wank to that instead. (Already it's pretty crazy.)

But then Roy comes home and Keeley tells him how hot she finds him when he's vulnerable, suggests again he take a chance on the pundit job and then uses JAMIE AS THE COMPARISON. literally fully well knowing how Roy can Get about Jamie Tartt, she's on about 'Jamie is brave.' 'At least Jamie is trying to get better.' 'YOU'RE JUST LIKE JAMIE.' i mean, GIRL?? insane. this is all after being walked in on mid-wank mind you.

In midst of all that, let's queue up another super sexy roykeeley kiss. at this point the conversation has MOVED ON. only for roy to BRING JAMIE UP AGAIN. 'what did you tell the prince prick of all pricks?' WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW ROY. whyyy are you still thinking about him. unbidden. as you are right in the midst of foreplay with your girlfriend.

Insanity on all sides of the triangle ❤️

But all of your examples are spot on and I fully think the weirdness about one another started even before any of that and got FAR WEIRDER from s3 and beyond. For instance, Keeley in the season one bar scene openly getting turned on by Roy with Jamie right there... one could argue that she was already leaning towards trading in Jamie for a nicer model but frankly. I think girl was angling for a threesome even then. And good for her!

Keeley and Jamie sleeping together after he came to apologize would've been a MESS. I would love to read a fic of that!

Part of what is so fun to me about the three of them canonically ending the series single is that the possibilities and configurations for smooshing them all together remain endless. maybe they all three figured it out at the same time and got together in a very romantic and cute and non-angsty way. BUT. if you want to be messy. roykeeley or jamiekeeley or royjamie can get together first, and whichever one is left out can just absolutely without a doubt be Going Through It. Meanwhile things aren't going fully well for the couple, and it's far from bad but they still can't get it RIGHT because it still feels like something (hint: someone) is missing. The someone who is currently off to the side thinking they aren't good enough aren't lovable aren't ever going to be okay again but at least their favorite two people are happy :( without them :( :( glorious

[royjamielibrary]

RoyJamie Recomendations — Hurt/Comfort (Part 1)

All the Angry Men by PGHumfort (Rating: Teen and Up | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 12,232 | Setting: Season 3 Canon Divergence | POV: Alternating | Other Tropes: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together | Warnings: Abuse/Domestic Violence)

When they finally get together, Jamie keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Roy to lose his temper with him. Jamie's father and some angry exes have laid the groundwork for disaster, but Roy is nothing like the other angry men Jamie has known before.

don't you forget about me by andrealyn (Rating: Teen and Up | Chapters: 3/3 | Words: 20,283 | Setting: Post-Season 3 | POV: Roy | Other Tropes: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship | Warnings: N/A)

Roy wakes up with a splitting headache and a few years of memories missing, which is bad enough. Worse is that everyone is withholding information from him because they're all loyal to Future Roy. All that means is that Present Roy is getting fed up not knowing who it is that he's dating and why it is no one will just tell him.

i watched the world without knowing what to look for by buckstiel (Rating: Teen and Up | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 6,140 | Setting: Post-Season 3 | POV: Roy | Other Tropes: Getting Together | Warnings: N/A)

It's snowing in Newcastle, and Jamie's Man City ankle injury already hurts before he hits the pitch. Or: all things must come to an end, eventually.

kip by fleeceframe (Rating: Teen and Up | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 10,433 | Setting: Season 3 Canon Divergence | POV: Roy | Other Tropes: Pre-Relationship | Warnings: Abuse/Domestic Violence)

The energy of the room shifts suddenly as Jamie’s eyes widen. It’s as though he’s just waking up, looking around quickly to get his bearings straight- as if he doesn’t remember coming to Roy’s house at all. Maybe he doesn’t. When his startled expression finally lands on Roy just off to the side, Jamie’s eyebrows raise even though his shoulders relax. He looks down at the bath again. “What’s this?” Jamie asks as he combs a hand through the beer head of bubbles on top of the water. “A bubble bath,” Roy says gruffly. He stares straight forward at the open-faced cabinet in front of him that has piles of fresh black towels on each shelf. A pause. “You put me in a bubble bath?” or the one where roy and jamie have a run in with tarrt senior and roy has no idea what he's doing even though he's trying really hard

weave your little webs by floweredhalo (Rating: Not Rated | Chapters: 2/2 | Words: 25,703 | Setting: AU | POV: Alternating | Other Tropes: 5 + 1 Things, Getting Together, Magic/Supernatural | Warnings: N/A)

“Sorry,” Sounds more like sorreh, “can you uh, stitch me back up again?” Roy can now see the large gash across his stomach and the cut on his jaw. He hisses through his teeth and winces in solidarity with the man. Roy just stares at him. Spiderman cocks his head and puts a hand on his hip as if to say well? “Yeah yeah, come on then.” Spiderman trails after him, thankfully not dripping blood on the wood floors. Though Roy thinks he wouldn’t mind cleaning up the mess. “Spidertwat.” Spiderman laughs at that. another 5+1: 5 times Roy patches up Spiderman and the 1 time he patches up Jamie (Or the one where Jamie is Spiderman and he keeps showing up hurt.)

[zalrb]

I MUST REALLY LOVE MY FOLLOWERS - BRIDGETON 3.01 review

1. "Dearest gentle reader, did you miss me?" Me:

2. I'm not doing this recap.

3. I maintain that Nicola should be Belle in the next live action we'll eventually do.

4. Idk man, Kathony just feel SO unnatural.

5. MINI MOUSE MAN NEXT TO BIGGER MOUSE MAN

6. Who will be the prize of the season? And it's Colin?

7. All of these women are gorgeous and all of these men are like basic white bread. I -

8. I'm upset because this is supposed to do something for me

and it's resolutely not.

9. Oh please. Francesca looks like every other woman there.

10. Prudence is probably the only character I somewhat like. I think. She's the terrible one, right?

11. I might like that family the most because they're the schemers. They're actually DOING QUASI-INTERESRTING THINGS.

12. Colin is a fuck boy without fuck boy good looks. Please stop it.

13. And I'm not saying he's ugly. I am saying he's plain.

14. This is my problem with Bridgerton. It SHOULD be fun. And it's punishing.

15. Where the fuck is Edwina? I DON'T CARE ABOUT KATE.

16. They should shock us all and have Edwina come back and just murder everyone like Carrie.

17. Leave her alone, Colin.

18. I know the point of this season is Polin but I already know she deserves better.

19. GIVE ME MORE OF THE BICKERING SISTERS. They're terrible. I'm interested.

20. "Well that's your fault for marrying men without title!" But Prudence's man is one of the, like, two most good looking of them all, so you know.

21. OOOOOOOH IS PENELOPE GONNA WEAR LAVENDER NOW? THE COLOUR OF LOOOOOOOOVE.

22. Considering that I barely pay attention to this show, did Penelope do like irreparable damage to Eloise and her family for this fallout to be as serious as it's meant to be?

23. That's a genuine question.

24. This Kanthony love scene is ... awkward.

25. Kanthony? Kathony? Whichever. Whatever.

26. And even when he goes down on her I'm like idk, Outlander would like a word.

Someone is BANGING ON THE DOOR and Jamie does not stop until Claire orgasms, so.

27. So Penelope is basically "draw me like one of your French girls, Jack" but with clothes.

28. The one thing Bridgerton had going for it was the music and I'm not hearing any classical renditions of pop songs. What is the POINT?

29. This ball looks like every other ball in this show.

30. Oh, there's the music. abcdefu is a good choice for her, I do have to say the music choices are at least better than TSITP. She SHOULD be talking to Colin as it plays though.

31. I'm not sure why I hate him, I just do.

32. If she enjoys embroidery let her enjoy embroidery, Eloise. Don't "not like OTHER girls" them please. Jesus.

33. "D-do you all like to read?" I get it, Pen.

34. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. NOW. Isn't Francesca meant to have a chaperone? Isn't there a dance card or something? Aren't there RULES?

35. I'M ONLY 30 MINUTES IN?

36. Original Mouse Man, what are you doing? Aren't you a viscount with responsibilities?

37. "I expected conversation, I did not expect to be inspected--" then you weren't prepared at all for this. This is the ERA for that, should you not KNOW? WHAT?

38. Everything is muted and dramatic at the same time.

39. Oh, Kathony in another scene. Are they going to try and have sex?

40. Yes.

41. "I've already spent YEARS taking care of Edwina" I mean, did you?

42. "So why don't we put ourselves first for once?" I MEAN, DIDN'T YOU?

43. BRO, WHERE IS YOUR SISTER?

44. "We have our lives to be viscount and viscountess" man, pull a Downton Abbey and kill him.

45. "Think of the balls as..." You should've had this conversation BEFORE the ball.

46. "It pains me to see you upset." "Then perhaps you should not have come." Ha.

47. "and what I have learned is charmed can be taught" which is funny because Colin isn't charming no matter how much the show tries to convince me he is.

48. I suppose it's better than watching Theo James.

49. AND HE WILL FALL FOR HER DURING THE LESSONS.

50. The handshake is supposed to be a Moment and it's interesting because it's called attention to and yet also breezed by at the exact same time.

51. LOL what she wrote was SO TAME especially for a MAN in THIS society? "Is this new character the real him or is it a ploy for attention?" DAS IT??? Please be serious.

52. oooh drama, if he finds out who Lady Whistledown is, he'll destroy her life. It's just hard to think there are stakes when it's ... Colin.

DONE.

[sortofanobsession]

For that prompt where Roy and Jamie sleep together in S1 and after Roy and Jamie lay themselves bare before each other and admit they are each other's best partner that they've ever had, I just had this dialogue idea for Jamie: " I hate bein' such a fuckin' prick, I fuckin' hate it bu' he... he h-hits meh less and don't get mad as much when I do." When Roy demands to know who, Jamie just says "Dad."

Author's Note: this one I have been working on for some time now. The anon that asked for it sent you a handful of asks. I know this is at least 2 of them.are in here but it kind of took on a life of its own after the first few scenes. It turned into a bit of a beast. And I enjoyed writing it.

Unbeta'd and posted on mobile because my new computer unfortunately has Windows 11 in S mode (hesitate to change that because of my second job).

Canon divergent Season 1 before Two Aces.

Content warnings: anger, violence, fighting, physical injury, abuse, hospitalization, broken bones, cursing/cussing/swearing, pain medication. (I'm sure I missed something)

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Ao3

Tired of Fighting

The fight in the locker room might have ended but Roy couldn't cool off. He just felt like a grenade without a pin. Lose grip in the slightest and he would go off.

Jamie normally feels like he has too much energy and he has to be moving, but this felt different. This felt like there was something in his chest that was driving him in a different way. It was persistent and didn't let up. It lasted days.

It all boiled over one morning. Both of them had gotten to Nelson Road early. Insanely early. Jamie needed something to do, something to focus on so he didn't just pace a hole in his carpet at home. Roy just needed to keep pushing himself to do more, be better.

Roy curses when he pulls into the car park and he isn't the first there. Jamie's stupid car is there. He is tempted to leave but he was already there. And he wasn't going to be a fucking coward that runs away just because of one person. Especially, fucking Jamie Tartt.

Jamie looks up as Roy walks in as he laces his boot.

"Morning," Jamie says, because he can't just say nothing. Roy just grunts and goes to his cubby. Jamie is annoyed but doesn't know what he was expecting so he just finishes getting ready. Roy brushes past him to get his boots and doesn't even look at Jamie and something in Jamie snaps. He knows he should just keep his mouth shut. But since when has Jamie ever done the smart thing? So he follows Roy into the boot room.

"The fuck did I do now?" Jamie asks. "Or is it that I exist and you hate it that much?"

"So you are a self aware prick," Roy says. "Fucking shock."

"At least fucking one of us is," Jamie snaps. "Because I never fucking asked to be here. I'm just doing my job, a job I'm good at. I'm sure you can remember those days, yeah? Back when you were a force on the pitch. When everyone chanted your fucking name. What's your excuse? Other than denial? An old man, past his fucking prime," Jamie spits. "A legend. Does me being better than you piss you off that much? Like an eclipsed fucking star, a dying one at that. You can't even-" Jamie is cut off when Roy's hand wraps around his throat.

"Who the fuck do you think you are talking to? This fucking attitude of yours. You didn't ask to be here?" Roy lets out a vicious laugh in Jamie's face. "You don't fucking get it do you? You're here because City is done dealing with your arrogant fucking arse. You are such a prick off pitch that you could win every game for them and they still wouldn't want you there. You being here gives them the benefit of having a fucking star in their program but doesn't have to fucking deal with you as a person." Roy sneers. "You might be hot shit on the pitch, but your attitude makes you a fucking liability. I might be a has been, but I'm the fucking captain for a reason you little shit. Unlike you I actually fucking care about these people. I'm here until the end. You're a fucking tourist. The worst kind of tourist too. One that doesn't fucking see that they are hated by everyone around them." His fingers flex slightly as he lets his statement hang there in the silent room.

Jamie's heart is pounding in his chest, but so is Roy's. The striker can feel the way Roy's pulse pounds where Jamie has his hands wrapped around the wrist of the hand Roy has wrapped around his throat. Jamie should be fighting back. He should be clawing at Roy's skin. But Jamie had long been conditioned not to. He hadn't expected Roy to go for his throat. He had expected a shove. A punch. But this was too familiar. As Roy speaks Jamie flinches. The internal panic starts. He feels the familiar feeling of waiting for pain.

Roy is fucking livid but something in his head is screaming that this feels off. Jamie usually meets his energy. He fights back, but he wasn't. He lets go of Jamie and steps back.

Jamie knows what is coming now that he is let go. He sinks to the ground and braces himself for a kick. He curls in on himself.

"What the fuck," Roy says because he had no intention of actually hurting Jamie.

Jamie cautiously looks up at Roy, shocked that he hadn't attacked him further. And the look on the striker's face has something twisting in his stomach.

"What the fuck?" Roy repeats. "I'm not going to fucking kick you."

"Oh," Jamie says. He feels exhausted and shifts to sit with his back against the wall. "Okay."

"What the hell was that?" Roy stares at him. "You weren't even going to fucking fight back."

Jamie stares at the floor and shrugs.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because I'm fucking tired," Jamie admits with a sniffle. He pulls his knees to his chest and puts his head on his knees. And Roy is stunned because he has never seen Jamie like this. He looked…small.

"Tired of fighting back?"

"A bit, yeah," Jamie says. "But everything else too."

"What?" Roy says. His anger is waning but he now feels like he's off keel and he hates it.

Jamie sniffles and it tugs at something in Roy again.

"I hate bein' such a fuckin' prick," Jamie says. "I fuckin' hate it bu' he... he h-hits me less and don't get mad as much when I do."

And that has alarms going off in Roy's head. And he thinks over what Jamie has just said and something in him boils over because it makes fucking sense. Without thinking he kneels in front of Jamie.

"Who, Jamie?" Roy says. "Who makes you act like that? Who-" and just thinking about it makes Roy want to shatter something, but he buries that anger because Jamie just said someone's anger made him this way. Someone fucking hits him. "Tell me who hits you?"

Jamie shakes his head.

“Jamie,” Roy says it like he would if he was dealing with his niece, a stern demand, but a less angry tone. “Tell me who it is.”

“Dad,” is all Jamie says before he buries his face in his knees, and Roy thinks he actually sees red for a moment. Jamie’s dad hits him. And Roy has a number of different things going through his mind at once. He has a thousand questions he needs to be answered. He wants to find Jamie’s dad and tear him to pieces. He had felt like he wanted to kill Jamie more than a few times since they met, but for once, he feels like he’d rather kill for him than actually kill him. And that is a fucking shock. But it makes sense because Jamie isn’t a prick because that’s who Jamie really is. Jamie acts like a prick because his dad beat him into submission and then made him this way. And that makes Roy fucking livid. It means everything he thought he knew about Jamie was essentially beaten into him or learned to prevent being punished. And Roy has been feeding into that cycle. It occurs to Roy that the fights Jamie picks are because it gets a reaction. It’s like a small child that repeats a bad word because it gets their parents' attention, good or bad, it’s attention. Jamie may not be a small child, but he is still young.

“How long has this been going on?” Roy asks.

Jamie doesn’t answer.

“Jamie,” Roy says, “Has he always been like that?” Jamie looks up at him. And that’s a start. So Roy waits. His knee is screaming at him to stand up, but he doesn’t. He has a feeling that if he doesn’t get the answer now, Jamie will shut him out or just shut down. And Roy doesn’t want that. He wants to know how long Jamie has had to live like this. “Jamie,” he repeats, one hand moving to Jamie’s knee. “Tell me.”

“Long as I can remember,” Jamie finally admits. His face was a mix of embarrassment and pain that would probably knock Roy back if he wasn’t kneeling. For over two decades, Jamie had been putting up with this shit. No wonder he acted the way he did.

“Fucking hell,” Roy says, and he moves to sit against the wall next to Jamie, stretching his knee out as he does. And an important question comes to mind. “Does your mum know?”

Jamie nods. “Yeah, ‘s why she left,” he adds.

“She just let him-”

“She didn’t want to,” Jamie says. “He gets drunk and- well, you get the picture.”

“She should have called the fucking police,” Roy grumbles.

“Lots of people did, but he’s a drunk. He’d sober up, make promises, they’d believe him, and he just got better at making sure no one knew. Tell everyone I was just a rowdy fucking prick. But tell me to quit being a pussy. Tell me that I’m weak. Or worse, I’m nothing. A fucking disgrace. He’s embarrassed to be my dad. Until I got called up by Man City, suddenly he was proud o’ me. But if I didn’t do well, he’d get mad. So I sorta figured it out.”

Roy has never hated anyone more in his life than he hated Jamie Tartt’s father at that moment. He didn’t think he could hate anyone more than Phoebe’s dad, but apparently, he was wrong. Phoebe’s dad might be a fucking waste of space and a fucking deadbeat, but he’d be a dead man if he ever lay a finger on Roy’s sister and niece. Roy’d have fucking murdered him. That was one thing you don’t fucking do. You never hit a woman or a kid. Unfucking acceptable behavior. And O’Sullivan hadn’t crossed that fucking line. But James Tartt had. And that was not something Roy could just live with, now that he knew. No fucking way.

“You’re not fucking weak, or anything he says, you’re not a disgrace,” Roy states. “But your old man is.” Jamie sniffles, looking anywhere but at Roy. Clearly, Jamie doesn’t seem to believe him. “Fucking hell, Jamie,” Roy squeezes his knee. “No fucking kid should have to live through that. But you fucking managed it. You survived and fucking thrived. Made it to the fucking premiere league while doing it. And you’re fucking good at it.”

“I’m fucking amazing,” Jamie grins. And Roy feels something loosen in his chest. He bumps Jamie’s shoulder with his.

“Don’t fucking push it,” Roy cautions, but there is no heat to it. “You’ve earned your way to it not because of him but in spite of him."

“Not the way he tells the lads at the pub over several pints,” Jamie huffs.

“He’ll be telling the lads fuck all when I find him,” Roy says. “Make him see how it feels to be the one on the other end. Make him pick up his own fucking teeth.”

“You can’t just fight my dad,” Jamie says.

“Like fucking hell I can’t,” Roy states. “Fucking see him pick on someone that’s not afraid to fight back.”

“You’ll only make it worse,” Jamie sighs.

“Can’t be worse if he can’t fucking get to you,” Roy points out.

“You going to guard me every moment of every day? Because he always-”

“If that’s what it takes, then fucking fine,” Roy agrees.

“You’re not a guard dog, Roy,” Jamie states. “You have shit to do. I have shit to do. You can’t-”

“Then I’ll find others who can,” Roy says as he gets up.

“Wait…what?” Jamie scrambles to get up, the cleats on his boots making it a little tougher. Roy is already opening the door and heading to the locker room. Jamie looks at the time and realizes how close to training it had gotten.

“Oi! You pricks,” Roy points to Colin and Isaac. Colin had just put his bag in his spot and Isaac hadn’t even made it to his cubby. They stare at him. Confused when Jamie, in full kit, rushes in behind him. Roy points at Jamie. “You see his fucking old man around, you fucking tell me, that fucking prick’s face is long due to meet the fucking pavement.”

“What’s all the commotion?” Ted asks as he and Beard walk through the door.

“Roy…” Jamie starts and everyone is surprised by how unsure he sounds. Not the usual brash and confident prick they usually deal with. “You can’t-”

“Can’t fucking what? Just let it go? When we play City, does he show up?”

Jamie hesitates but nods.

“Fucking won't, next time,” Roy says and he’s already out the door. “Higgins! Where the fuck is he?!” A woman points down the hall and Roy heads that way until he finds a confused and nervous Leslie Higgins. “Higgins.”

“Yes, how can I help you?” Higgins manages to say.

“Jamie Tartt’s father, you know him?” Roy demands.

“Of him, I know of him,” Higgins corrects, he has a feeling he should definitely point out the difference. “James Tartt.”

“Fucking ban him,” Roy states.

“What?” Higgins is shocked. He looks up to see a concerned Ted, an unsure Coach Beard and an anxious Jamie approaching. “I can’t just ban someone for no reason.”

“Hold your horses, Roy,” Ted says. “Whatever happened we can-”

“I will not fucking do that,” Roy glares at him. “If you don’t ban him, then I’m going to curb stomp his fucking head in the fucking car park!” Beard moves to partially get between the players in case Roy lashes out. Roy doesn't miss the movement and it just adds to the list of things that are pissing him off. He isn't going to actually hurt Jamie. If they would let him fucking talk he would tell them that. They just need to fucking listen to him. His focus is brought back to Jamie when Jamie tries to plead with him again. And part of him wants to appease Jamie, to not hurt him more. But the more rational part of Roy knows that he has to keep pushing for James Tartt to be banned. He cannot let this man hurt Jamie again. Even more he can not even let the bastard near him. He has to fucking try.

“Roy, I told you, you can’t just-” Jamie tries. “He’s my dad.”

“Fucking watch me,” Roy challenges and Beard moves to put a hand on Roy's shoulder because clearly something is distressing the captain. And it didn't seem to be what usually is distressing him because of how desperate he and Jamie are acting. Roy shocked them all as he continues, “No, he’s your fucking abuser, and that shit ends now.”

“He's what now?” Ted says, suddenly very concerned for the safety and sanity of not one, but two of his players. “Jamie,” he turns to look at Jamie. “Does your dad hit you?”

Jamie looks from Ted to Higgins, to Beard and then to Roy.

“Tell them what you told me,” Roy says as he shoves Beard's hand off his shoulder. Beard is too shocked by not only Roy's tone but the way he looks at Jamie. This is the closest to begging the coach has ever seen from Roy Kent.

Jamie looks between the four of them again. This was not how Jamie imagined his day would go. He looks at Roy again and Roy's eyes make him feel weird, because he has never seen Roy look at him like that. Like he really wants something from him. No anger, at least not him. What he mostly sees is concern. Concern for Jamie.

“What did you tell Roy, Jamie?” Ted asks. And there is even more concern on Ted's face. Everyone looks so worried. He considers lying or even running off, but then Roy might get angry at him again and Roy's going to tell them anyway. So he tells them.

“That dad hits me less and don't get mad as much when I act like a prick,” Jamie admits.

“Which is why he needs to be fucking banned!” Roy adds.

“Or you’ll curb stomp him?” Beard asks for clarification.

“I’ll fucking kill him,” Roy admits without shame. “Because he’s apparently been doing it for fucking years to Jamie and his mum, so he’s overdue for a-”

“Does the Man City team management know about this?” Ted asks Jamie.

“No one does, except my mum and stepdad, and I didn’t exactly plan to tell Roy,” Jamie says. “Or anyone.”

“Well you fucking did, and I’m not about to just-” Roy says.

“Roy!” Ted shouts. “Why don’t you and Beard go make sure the team is getting ready for training, Jamie you can head back too. I will-”

“You’re fucking serious right now,” Roy glares at his coach but Beard is already forcing him back towards the locker room.

“I will make sure it’s taken care of,” Ted says.

Roy storms back into the locker room and everyone stays out of his way. He violently pulls away from Beard as he does. Jamie’s not far behind him through the door but goes to his own spot and for a lack of anything to really do, he sits down on the bench. He bunches his hands up in his kit.

“You good?”

Jamie looks up to see Colin moving to sit next to him on the bench as he gets his guards on.

Jamie shrugs. "Not exactly how I thought today would start," Jamie admits and Colin is surprised at how off Jamie seems.

"What happened?" Colin asks as he shifts to show Jamie he has his full attention. "Must be something big to have Roy Kent in a fit."

"Was just honest and more came out than expected," Jamie says.

"About your father?" Colin asks, remembering what Roy had told him and Isaac to do. "If he's really a right prick, we're with you, mate. All you have to do is let us know, we'll be there."

"Thanks, I know I'm a prick, and-"

"Oi! Knock that shit off," Roy says. "You act like one doesn't mean you are one. Said so your fucking self. You old man is a liar and fucking tosser. You don't have to listen to that shit anymore."

And Colin is stunned. Roy Kent is not only on Jamie's side he's pretty much defending Jamie from Jamie's own words. And this morning is giving them all whiplash.

"Fair point," Jamie admits. "But I've been a shit teammate, and that's not fair to you lot. Roy pointed out I'm more of a tourist than a teammate." Colin looked at Roy. "An annoying one," Jamie adds. "While crushing my windpipe." Everyone is now staring at Roy.

"In my fucking defence," Roy says, still focused on Jamie. He didn't really give a fuck about the others. They knew him well enough. "That was before you fucking told me your old man made you this way by kicking your fucking ribs."

Colin winces. Hearing it put so plainly by none other than Roy fucking Kent took away any doubt about what was happening.

"Well," Colin starts. "You don't have to put on an act for him here, and you don't have to do it for us, we're a team. Just be you, I'm sure that's more than enough."

"Too fucking right," Roy says.

"And if I don't actually know who I am without the act?" Jamie says in absolute honesty.

"Then we'll help you figure it out," Colin grins. "Right Roy?"

"Fucking right," Roy nods.

"Then that's settled," Colin grins.

"Good, now fucking get to the pitch for warm ups!" Roy shouts. And they do as they are told.

Everything starts to change over the next couple days at training. The team works as a more cohesive unit. Jamie Tartt starts to be more of a team player. And Roy can't believe how one little honest moment in the boot room could make such an insane difference. It was mad, in the best way possible. His team was happier than it ever had been. Roy smiled as Jamie and Sam work together and actually seem to get along like a fucking house on fire. It was like Jamie truly was a different person.

"Whatever you did the other morning," Ted says as he stands next to Roy as he takes the bottle Will offers him. "Has made him an even better player. You're a good captain, Roy."

"I pushed him until he broke, it may have ended well, but it wasn't a good thing," Roy admits. He glances back at where Jamie is laughing with Jeff.

"Sky divers and bungee jumpers sometimes need a push, but the end result is a life change adventure." Ted claps his shoulder. "And he's not the only one that changed at that moment. Embrace it." Ted walks away.

They win their next match and the team celebrates like they won a fucking cup. And Roy sees a new side of Jamie Tartt that has a warmth spread through him. And it's a jarring feeling knowing just days before he had wanted to punch the man in the face. Roy is getting ready for bed when he gets a call from his sister and that is worrying. She tells him a friend of hers at the hospital called her to give her a heads up since her brother played for Richmond as captain. A player had just been brought in. They couldn't say who or why but Roy had a bad feeling. He grabbed his keys and was out the door as fast as possible.

"Oh good, you're here," a nurse says as Roy gets to the hospital. "His mother gave us permission to talk to the management of the team, in addition to you and his other emergency contact, Mr. Kent."

"Who-" Roy starts to ask who the other contact is when he gets his answer.

"Roy!" Keeley Jones calls out to him and it feels like someone punched him in the stomach.

"No," Roy says and it comes out more as a breath.

"Mr. Kent?" The nurse asks.

"Thank you," Roy manages because his sister would kick his ass if he was rude to the nurse and goes to Keeley.

"It's Jamie," Keeley says and Roy feels like he might be fucking sick.

"What the fuck happened?" Roy asks.

"His neighbor called about a disturbance," Keeley tells him. "When the officers got there Jamie was barely conscious."

"Fuck," Roy says. He leans against the wall to stay upright. "Who was it?"

"Roy…" Keeley starts.

"Who the fuck was it?!"

"His father," Keeley says and Roy sees fucking red.

"I'll fucking kill him," Roy growls.

"He's in custody," Keeley says but Roy doesn't seem deterred. "Roy…" she puts a hand on his arm. "There isn't anything to be done now but waiting to see Jamie."

Roy lets out a litany of curses. He wants to scream. He wants to hit something. And he does not understand why this is making him not just angry but fucking terrified.

"Roy," Keeley tries to get his attention.

"FUCK!" Roy shouts and punches the wall. Keeley jumps.

"I'll handle him," Keeley turns to see a woman approach. She looks oddly familiar.

"Are you-" Keeley starts to ask.

"I called him, he's my brother," she tells Keeley.

"Oh, okay," Keeley nods.

"Come on, tough guy," his sister says. "Let's get you sorted out."

"I'll kill him," Roy tells her.

"You won't, but I get it," his sister says as she takes a look at his knuckles. He has bruises forming and a few scrapes. He winces as she tests his movement. "Flex 'em," she commands. He does but his fingers don't move right. She sighs. "Hey Hannah," she calls to a nurse. "My idiot brother needs x-rays of his right metacarpals." The nurse nods and goes to get things sorted out since Dr. O'Sullivan wasn't actually on duty. The doctor turns back to her brother. "You're an idiot." Roy just grunts. "Injuring yourself isn't going to help Jamie Tartt, you know that, Roy."

"I told him this wouldn't fucking happen again, that we'd protect him," Roy says through gritted teeth.

"You know you can't protect people every moment of every day. There are always gaps you can't fill."

His sister is worried he might break a tooth with how tight his jaw is clenched. "I don't know what happened between you and Jamie Tartt, but I do know you. And he clearly means a lot to you," his sister says.

Hannah the nurse returns with a tray. "Bit of a wait in radiology, so might as well get a start on cleaning the scrapes," Hannah says.

"Thanks Hannah, I can handle this," the doctor says.

"Yes, Doctor," Hannah says as she leaves.

By the time she has his knuckles mostly cleaned up he is taken back for x-rays. Keeley assures him from where she had been watching with amusement she'll stay there for Jamie. So Roy lets his sister guide him.

His sister sighs as they look at the x-rays.

"Congratulations, dear brother, you broke your hand. Normally a splint would be fine, but honestly, I don't trust you to not do anything stupid, so you are getting an actual cast."

"Fucking hell, I don't need-"

"You lost your temper and punched a wall, Roy. You're getting a cast. End of discussion."

"Fucking fine," Roy relents because he knows nothing will stop his sister when it came to medical issues.

"What did you do?" Ted asks when Roy, sporting a bright blue cast, joins them. Both Beard and Ted had gotten there while he was getting X-rays.

"Interesting color choice," Keeley grins. "Expected black or just plain old white."

"My sister didn't give me a choice," Roy states.

"This is better anyway, It will match most of your kits," Keeley remarks.

"And his sweats, since he will not be playing for at least a few weeks," Ted says.

"Fuck off," Roy says. "Already down Jamie. If we have any chance of staying in the league-"

"We still have a new striker coming in, Rojas," Ted says. "And it's not your responsibility."

"I'm the fucking captain, of course it is," Roy says. "And Tartt's going to think you fucking replaced him."

"Not for the next few weeks," Ted says. "And Jamie will understand. He knows the game enough to know-"

"You fucking signed this guy to get Jamie to be a team fucking player," Roy glares at him. He knew the tactic well enough. "A challenge to fuck with his head."

Ted glances at Keeley. "For the record, Rebecca signed him before we found out about Jamie's dad and he started getting on with the team."

"Fuck off, it's still going to fucking destroy him," Roy states.

Roy refuses to leave until he can see Jamie. Keeley and Beard leave once they find out Jamie is out of surgery and stable. Keeley has to help draft an announcement about Jamie's condition. Ted stays.

"What happened to your hand?" Jamie asked Roy. Roy just grunts. Ted shakes his head. Jamie looks back and forth between the two.

"He lost a fight with a wall," Ted tells him. "How you feeling, Jamie?"

"A wall?" Jamie asks, his heavily medicated brain not able to piece it all together. "Why you fighting walls, Roy?"

Roy huffs. "I didn't fight a fucking wall, I punched it because it was that or I hunt your fucking-"

"Roy," Ted stops him because they didn't need Jamie getting upset and one glance at the monitor showed the injured man's pulse already climbing.

"Me? You punched a wall because of me?" Jamie said and Ted glares at Roy.

"Fuck no," Roy is quick to say.

"No one is mad at you," Ted tells Jamie.

"My dad is," Jamie says and shakes his head. He can't make eye contact with either of them.

And an angry growl comes out of Roy.

"No one here is mad at you," Ted corrects himself. "And I am sure that whatever your father was mad about, he's-"

"The fucking bastard is a liar and a coward," Roy interjects. "And a fucking dead man when I find him."

"Helpful, Roy," Ted sighs. "Really helpful."

Roy grunts.

"Your father's anger does not, and let me repeat that because I need you to understand. His anger does not give him the right to do what he did. No one has the right to. Ever. You didn't deserve this, not now, not ever." Ted tells him. "You get that, right, Jamie?"

Jamie doesn't answer because the medication, pain, and emotions are all too much and it's making his head hurt and it's getting harder to breathe.

"Fucking breathe, Tartt," Roy says. His voice now much closer than it had been. Jamie looks to see that Roy's good arm is leaning against Jamie's hospital bed and he is glancing at the monitor every now and again. But once Roy's eyes lock on his they don't leave. And Jamie can't help but find comfort in it because Roy fucking Kent was here. Roy fucking Kent was here for him and was trying to help him. He should listen to him, right? What did he say again? What should Jamie be doing? "Fucking hell," Roy mutters and squeezes Jamie's hand with his good hand. "Take a fucking breath, Jamie." And Jamie does. He lets Roy talk him through it until he can breathe again. It leaves Jamie absolutely exhausted.

"It's okay Jamie," Ted tells him. "You're doing great. You can sleep now. You've earned a good rest."

Once Jamie falls asleep Roy leans back in his chair and scrubs his good hand over his face.

"Fucking hell," he mutters.

"You can go home," Ted starts to say. It was getting late and it had been a very long day.

"Fuck off," Roy tells him, his tone more quiet but still just as harsh. "Not fucking going anywhere."

"You're on pain meds, you should-"

"Stay the fuck right here, because I'm not allowed on the fucking pitch, and you still have a fucking job to do. So you fucking do it."

"A bit crude but fair," Ted nods.

"Fucking go. Will let you know if shit happens."

Jamie wakes up a second time and it's just Roy there in the dim room.

"You don't have to stay," Jamie tells him. Roy shrugs but doesn't show any signs of leaving.

"You probably have better things to do like-"

"Fucking hell, Tartt," Roy leans forward. "Not leaving you fucking alone, so go back to fucking sleep, you need the fucking rest."

And despite the hostile tone Jamie feels himself smile, because Roy fucking Kent was keeping watch which means Jamie doesn't have to worry about his dad's lackeys coming after him.

"Your mum should be here when you wake up," Roy tells him.

"My mum?" Jamie is a bit surprised. He rarely gets to see his mum. He misses her a lot.

"Of fucking course your mum," Roy looks at him. "Your old man just got locked up for nearly killing you and it's all over the fucking news. Ted has to do a fucking presser and Keeley already has a statement out that you'll be on the mend. City is sending someone down and your fucking agent has been a pain in the arse."

"Really?" Jamie is surprised at how much of a fuss his dad cracking a few of his ribs and giving him a concussion had caused. "Seems a bit much."

"Fuck off," Roy grunts. "You can't be fucking serious." Roy looks over the injured striker. "You were in surgery for fucking hours. I was fucking in and out with a goddamn cast before you even had fucking stitches. He nearly fucking killed you."

Jamie shouldn't be surprised that Roy sounded absolutely livid, but he is. No one has ever been so angry over what his dad did to him, his mum had always been upset but she always seemed more sad than angry. But Roy was so angry he broke his own hand.

"I'll heal," Jamie says.

"Fucking nightmare," Roy grumbles and he gets up and paces the room a few times. And Jamie finds it a bit amusing how untethered Roy seems and for once his anger isn't actually directed at Jamie. Not entirely at least.

"Sorry you'll have to miss a few matches because of me," Jamie says.

"Dammit, Jamie," Roy says. "A few weeks is nothing. But compared to how long you'll be out. City might even call you back so they can keep an eye on you themselves now that the truth is out there."

"The truth?" Jamie is suddenly unsure what all the press knows that Jamie never wanted anyone to know. What would people think about him? His dad told him everyone would see him as weak. As a fucking pussy.

Roy doesn't miss the way Jamie's heart monitor spikes. He rushes back to the side of Jamie's bed. "It's okay," Roy says, the anger gone from his tone. And Jamie hears the same tone Roy had used as he sat beside him in the boot room. One filled with caution and concern. "Keeley didn't say much, but metro did release a statement and they are still looking for your father's fucking thugs. The press is putting pieces together. That's why Ted and Keeley are going to get out in front of it."

"What…what are they going to say?" Jamie says.

Roy sighs and props himself on the edge of Jamie's hospital bed. "That your fucking old man was banned from both Richmond and Man City games. Pep agrees that he shouldn't be allowed at all. The safety of all players, including you, is a priority to both teams. And now James Tartt and his fucking cronies are looking at a full league ban. That the met are doing a full investigation of your attack, as well as a review of previous incidents. I guess knowing that your old man has a fucking history of this shit is a big deal now since he brought his shit to Richmond. GMP ain't looking too good now that Scotland Yard's looking into it."

Jamie's head is spinning. And Roy is close enough that Jamie could reach out and touch him. And Jamie wants to because he feels like shit and he's scared because his dad always told him this would end bad. It would ruin his career if anyone found out. His panic and pain killer addled brain must have missed the part where he wasn't actually going to reach out for Roy because his hand is reaching out as if it had a mind of its own. And to Jamie's fucking shock, Roy takes it with his good hand. Roy glances at the monitors and knows that Jamie is going to stress out his already healing body if he keeps on like this. So Roy makes a decision.

"Hey," Roy says. He sits on the edge of the bed and leans into Jamie's space. "Listen to me, Jamie." He only continues after Jamie's eyes snap to his. He squeezes Jamie's hand as he does. "This isn't your fault. This isn't on you. You didn't do anything wrong." Roy says with absolute confidence. "You have spent years fighting this shit on your own, but that's fucking over, yeah? You have Keeley, you have Lasso, you have the team. Right now you have me, and I'm not fucking going anywhere. So relax and take a fucking breath."

Jamie doesn't even think about it. He just does as Roy tells him.

"Good lad," Roy nods. "Now do it again." And just like before they go on like that until Jamie calmed down and the monitors are no longer flashing. "good lad," Roy repeats. "Now, don't you fucking worry about that shit. Let Keeley and the fucking police do their jobs. You just focus on getting better so that when you're back out there on the pitch you can show the world that you are stronger than anyone fucking knew. Going to hear that fucking stupid shark chant and you'll fucking bask in it. The good kind of fucking attention. And you'll kick fucking arse and prove everything your old man has ever said wrong. Because that's the real fucking Jamie Tartt. Not the fucking charade your fucking old man made. The real fucking you."

Jamie doesn't realize he is crying until Roy uses the back of their joined hands to brush them away. It's an awkward motion but with his other hand in a cast there wasn't much else for it. It earns a bit of a chuckle from Jamie.

"You'll do fucking fine," Roy insists. "Because we'll get you healed up and back on the pitch in no time, you just watch."

"You going to help me?" Jamie asks, hopeful and glad to have Roy Kent on his side.

"The fuck else am I going to do?" Roy states and holds up the cast. "And I'm the captain for a fucking reason."

And Jamie grins because that's not the first time Roy has said that. And Roy actually didn't have to do shit to help Jamie. He hadn't before their little spat in the boot room. But Jamie wasn't going to complain now. Not when Roy fucking Kent, Jamie's childhood hero, was sitting on the edge of his hospital bed telling him everything would be alright and they'd manage it together. And he didn't have to worry about his dad getting angry at him. Especially since he was laying there holding Roy's hand. And wow, Roy fucking Kent hadn't let go of Jamie's hand since he took it and that did things to Jamie. Jamie didn't know he could feel happy, especially while sitting in hospital with broken ribs, too many stitches, and a concussion. It felt like a dream.

"If your ribs are broken in your fucking dreams, then you need to get better fucking dreams."

"How much of that did I say out loud?" Jamie asks, mortified.

And Roy fucking smirks. "Enough." Roy squeezes his hand and laughs when Jamie's face turns red with embarrassment. Roy had thought Jamie Tartt to be fucking shameless in the past. Nothing fucking phased him. But seeing him now, fucking blushing because Roy got a glimpse at what actually goes on in his head was fucking priceless. "I already knew you had my fucking poster, Tartt," Roy says. "That you watched my games. The only new info here is that you want to fucking hold my hand." He felt Jamie try to pull away but Roy didn't let him. "Fuck off with that shit," Roy says. "If I didn't want to hold your fucking hand, I wouldn't have taken it in the first fucking place. So steady on and quit getting yourself worked up over nothing before the nurses catch on and boot me."

"They wouldn't," Jamie says. "You're Roy fucking Kent."

Roy laughs. "In here I'm Dr. O'Sullivan's brother. And they know I won't do shit to make her job harder. So settle back in and fucking sleep, I'm not fucking going anywhere." Roy lets go of Jamie's hand so he can pull a chair closer with his only good hand. He settles in and offers his hand back to Jamie without another word. And Jamie takes it. Roy goes back to watching the TV that Jamie hadn't even noticed was on because the volume was so low.

"Fucking sleep or your mum will probably blame it on me," Roy states. And Jamie laughs, ignoring the pain in his ribs as best he can.

"Seriously, Jamie," Roy says. And Jamie looks away from the TV to look at Roy.

"I know, I know. Sleep," Jamie says as he gets as comfortable as he can without letting Roy's hand go and after a few minutes he falls asleep. And he stayed asleep thanks to the painkillers in his system. And that was fine with Roy.

Keeley is shocked to find Jamie's hand curled around Roy Kent's when she and Jamie's mum quietly enter the room. Both men fast asleep.

"Been like that for a bit," Roy's sister says in a whisper, now on shift in her scrubs and white coat. "Probably for the best." She grins and starts to leave. She had already given Georgie a full rundown of her son's case. "But feel free to wake them. I'm sure they won't mind."

"I'll let you handle it," Keeley says. "I'll be out here, have to update Rebecca and Ted before the presser."

Georgie nods and makes her way into the room. Roy Kent snaps awake as she gets closer. She can tell his guard is up immediately.

"Didn't mean to wake you," she says. "We talked on the phone, I'm Georgie-"

"Jamie's mum," Roy manages to recall and goes to stand up and starts to let go of Jamie's hand. Even sleeping Jamie doesn't seem to want that to happen by the way Jamie starts to shift in his sleep. So Georgie stops Roy.

"You're fine," she insists and moves to stand on the other side of Jamie's bed. Brushing her son's unstyled hair off his face. "What has he done to you my sexy little baby," she laments and Roy just silently watches as Jamie leans towards his mother's touch. "I always worried I'd get this call," she says a bit louder so Roy can hear but not loud enough to wake Jamie. She glances over at Roy as she runs her fingers through Jamie's hair to fix it. She knew he hated when his hair wasn't just right. And with his ribs broken he probably couldn't do it himself. She'd have to get a brush and properly sort it out later. Might make him feel better. Roy shifts closer so that Jamie can lean into his mum's touch without letting go of Roy.

"I hoped him coming to Richmond would be enough distance that James would leave him be." Her tone is sad and Roy knows it must hurt to see Jamie like this. It hurt Roy to see Jamie like this.

"It never should have happened," Roy says, trying to keep his tone low despite how upsetting it all was. He didn't blame her, not really.

She looks at Roy with sad eyes. Her son's childhood hero.

"It was always bound to end one of two ways. Either Jamie would break, or James did. And sadly, it was my sweet little boy." Georgie says.

"Why did you leave him if you knew?" Roy asks.

"I didn't leave him. I just couldn't stay with James," she admits. "Jamie, he wasn't stupid. He knew what was happening, and he'd try and get to his father before he could get to me. I didn't want to make it worse. I wanted him with me, but I had to find somewhere safe first. We got him when we could, but James had already gotten to him. My sexy little baby," Georgie said with a sad smile. "Then he was brought into the academy, and I hoped that would be good for him. Keep him out of James' reach, but I should have known he would find a way to get to him. Then as an adult, Jamie just threw himself head-first into the game. I hadn't realized how twisted James had made it all."

Roy wanted to shout that all that was bullshit. She was his mum, and that it was her fucking job to protect her son. But he also thought about his sister. How different her life would have been if Roy hadn't been there. If Roy didn't step in when they needed him. Or if Phoebe's father hadn't walked away but taken his shit out on them, and it was an infuriating thought. Georgie didn't have anyone to step in. No one like Roy stepped in to help. No one to look out for them until it was too late. But Roy was there now.

"It probably sounds selfish," she admits. "That I saved myself-"

"It's a fucking nightmare," Roy says. "But you never asked for it. You didn't leave and not turn back. You couldn't save him if you couldn't save yourself first. He'd have fought you."

"And Jamie was too young to understand," she nods, as she brushes Jamie's cheek. The sleeping striker leans into the touch.

Roy hums because he gets that. Phoebe is almost lucky that her dad simply left when she was too young to miss him. And Roy made sure Phoebe never had to go without anything she truly needed. Roy would throw any amount of money at any problem his sister and niece faced. He loved them more than anything. Jamie hadn't had that luck. But Jamie did have talent. And that had been his saving grace.

"Not so young anymore," she laments. "But he's still my sexy little baby." She smiles. And Roy can see where Jamie gets much of his true nature. His easy smile, his expressive nature. He needs for touch.

"You might have missed a lot," Roy says. "But at least you came back. You're here now."

She nods. "Thank you for calling me."

"The hospital called you first," Roy says.

"Yes, but you actually made arrangements. You made sure Jamie wasn't alone, and someone was there to meet the train."

"It was easier for everyone that way," Roy says.

"But not something you had to do," she tells him. "so I appreciate it."

"Not much else I bloody could do," Roy says nodding at his cast covered hand.

"Was still more than I could have asked of you or anyone," she insists.

And Roy felt the corners of his mouth twitch because fucking hell, Jamie's mum was grateful that Roy was doing this all. And that was nice but he didn't need her appreciation and thank yous. He hadn't done it for her. He hadn't done it because he was bored and useless. He had done it because it would make Jamie happy. Because Jamie Tartt's happiness was important to him. He wanted Jamie to be happy and taken care of. And that was a fucking revelation. He looks at their joined hands. Fuck. He cared about Jamie's happiness because he cared about Jamie. More than he did the rest of the team. Maybe even more than his fucking own happiness at this rate. Because Jamie deserves the fucking best after all he has gone through. And Roy wants nothing more than to give that to him. He looks back over at Jamie's mum who is just looking at him. He has to say something.

"Yeah, well, I did it for him," Roy says. And that makes Georgie smile. Because her son's hero hadn't moved from his side since he got there. He hadn't let her son's hand go since before she got there.

"You're good for him," She says plainly. And that hit Roy in a way he didn't expect. It made Roy feel like he truly had done something right. Something good.

"I just listened when he needed someone to," Roy says.

"Maybe, but you also did something about it. You didn't just listen. You tried to make it better."

That has something twisting in Roy's stomach.

"He told me I'd only make it worse, and he was right," Roy says. "I should go."

"Wait," She says but he had already pulled away and was nearly out the door.

"I'll see him later," Roy says and leaves.

Georgie worries about what Roy had just said, but she can't focus on that. She has to focus on Jamie. She'd have to ask Keeley or even his sister when she came back.

Jamie wakes up to the sound of his mum talking.

"You just focus on your son," Jamie hears another voice say as he blinks his eyes open. "My brother can be a bit self destructive and a bit of a prick, but he's a good guy. If he said he'll be back. He'll be back."

And Jamie realizes that was Roy's sister. She'd been one of his doctors. Wait, Roy was gone? Jamie looks around. When did Roy leave? He said he wasn't going anywhere.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Tartt?" His doctor asks and yeah, that's Roy's sister. He knows that for sure now. He winces.

"Jamie, just call me Jamie," he says.

"Okay, Jamie," she says.

"Tired, sore," he admits.

"That's understandable," she assures him.

"That's okay, baby," his mum says.

"How long was I out this time?" He asks, glancing over at where Roy had been.

"A few hours, the medication in addition to your injuries, might make you feel more tired and that's normal. Your body heals best when it's resting."

"Okay," Jamie says. "How long do you think it will be before I can get back to the team?" He asks.

The doctor nods, obviously familiar with the question. "If all goes well you can hopefully make it back in a few months."

"So I'm going to miss most of the season, they're facing relegation. I can't-"

"I will tell you the same thing I tell my brother," she says. "You can't help the team if you can't stay on your feet. You can't stay on your feet if you don't listen to what your body is telling you or you'll push it too far or too fast. You're not a machine, and you aren't immortal. The team will go on with or without you, it's why they have reserve players. You killing yourself is just going to make everyone feel worse when push comes to shove. And no one wins in that scenario. Relegation might feel like a fate worse than death, but I assure you from a medical standpoint, it isn't. Is it worth risking your entire future for it? And as much as I support my brother's team, as your doctor, I cannot in good faith tell you anything but the truth. You might be back by season end. But there are no guarantees that you will. You're lucky you are alive to see the team continue. You can still cheer them on. They care what happens to you. I know my brother does. So get some rest, and leave the rest to the professionals."

Yeah, she was Roy's sister. He had told him the exact same thing. Let the professionals handle it.

"Yeah, okay," Jamie agrees.

It must have been the right thing to say since is mum is smiling and squeezing his hand.

It’s hours before Jamie can go home. Days before he is allowed to leave his house. Over a week before he’s allowed back at Nelson Road. The first time mostly for a meeting with physio and letting the press see him up and about. He’s barely allowed on the sideline. It didn’t really matter though. Traning had ground to a halt when he made his way out of the tunnel, much slower than usual. He finally gets to meet Dani Rojas. The one time Roy got close enough to talk to it was mainly to remind Jamie that Dani wasn’t his replacement. Jamie had so many questions and doubt, but didn’t know how to voice them. So he nodded.

Jamie hates having to just sit back and watch from the sidelines. He had a hard enough time facing the reality he wouldn't be able to finish the season and that Man City was considering recalling him. And Jamie hated the idea of leaving Richmond if they got relegated. He was back on his feet but he wasn't cleared to play. Somedays were still harder than others and he would get winded easily. But he was working on it. And Roy had been helping him as promised. And as he figured the team was still facing relegation. And of course Man City was the team that would decide it. What made it worse was Jamie could tell Roy was pushing it. Pushing himself too hard to pick up the slack. He could almost hear Roy's sister telling him he was pushing his body too hard and something had to give. And he agreed.

He was proved right when Roy went down after challenging City's offense. The captain went down and didn't get back up. And that fucking terrified Jamie. Roy had been working so hard to help Jamie. And Jamie couldn't do shit now to help him. The striker wasn’t sure when was the last time he’d been so worried about another person. It was maddening being stuck on the sideline. Will put a hand out to block him from running onto the pitch. He felt like he could breathe a bit better when Roy finally got to his feet but the way Roy was limping away didn't bode well and Jamie just knew this was the moment Roy's sister always warned them about.

Jamie follows Roy towards the locker room. He waits there while Roy deals with the physio team. Roy pointedly ignores him as he takes off his jersey, looking at his own name. He tosses it away and sits on the bench. Roy knows it's over. His career is over. He finally looks at Jamie when he sits beside him.

"Rough play," Jamie sighs. "How you feeling?"

"Like fucking shit," Roy says.

"I get that," Jamie nods.

"At least you'll have next season," Roy says.

"Thanks to you," Jamie says.

"That's not true, you'd make a comeback with or without me. Just like you will next season."

"Wouldn't feel right without you," Jamie admits.

"Fucking face it," Roy says. "There's no fucking coming back from it this time, Tartt."

"Maybe not, but it doesn't mean you can't be a part of it. Unless you're giving up on helping me now too."

"Fuck off," Roy says. "My career ends and you make it about yourself."

Jamie grins. "If it makes you mad at anyone but yourself, then yeah, gonna do it."

"I'm not mad, I'm just…"

"I know," Jamie bumps his shoulder but instead of pulling away he stays there. Pressed against Roy's shoulder hoping to ground him, offer comfort.

Roy grunts and doesn't push him away. He actually leans into it because Jamie was here offering a bit of hope in his future. Something to do with his time now that he was looking at nothing.

"On the bright side, you'll have a lot more time for Phoebe now," Jamie grins and Roy huffs. "She will love it." And Roy can at least agree with that as Jamie keeps going, "And if you think you're gonna get rid of me just because you're out of the game, I got news for you." Jamie grins. "I'm not going to make it easy."

"Fucking nightmare," Roy groans, but smiles.

"I'm a fucking dream," Jamie boasts. And for once Roy can't argue because he came into the locker room to be miserable by himself. But Jamie had got him to actually smile. Made him feel like this was not as daunting of a change. It was still fucking terrifying to not know what he was going to do now. Football had been his fucking life for so long. So much has happened along the way, but it was all framed around football. How was he supposed to just sit back and let go? Could he do that? He wasn't sure. But it all seemed more tolerable with Jamie sitting next to him.

Roy sighs.

"You'll figure it out," Jamie assures him. "You always do." And Roy can't ignore the feeling of how much Jamie's confidence in him made him feel better, happier.

"I hope so," Roy says.

"I know so, because you told me that everything was going to be fine, because we were going to get through it. And I may not have made it back this season, but you were right. And this time, I'm right."

"Okay," Roy lets him have it because he knows Jamie isn't going to actually let this go. Not now, not any time soon. Jamie has proved to have unparalleled determination.

"Okay," Jamie grins and holds out his hand. He expected Roy to just shake on it. He doesn't expect Roy to just take his hand and hold it. And Jamie fucking love it. Because his teenage crush had only gotten bigger since Roy had sat with him in hospital. Jamie laces their fingers together. They sit quietly until the rest of the team comes in and Jamie reluctantly pulls away.

They only avoided relegation by ending the match in a tie. And Jamie is glad that he won't be leaving the team in a relegated state if he gets recalled. But he really doesn't want to leave Richmond. And unfortunately he was right. Man City wanted him back so they could get him back on the pitch their way. And Jamie has no choice but to go. The night before he is set to leave he shows up at Roy's.

"I don't want to go," Jamie says. "Even if my dad isn't there I still don't want to go."

His sad and desperate tone makes something twist in Roy's chest. He lets Jamie in and as soon as the door is closed, Roy pulls him into a hug because he didn't want Jamie to leave either, especially if he was going to be upset. Because Jamie's happiness meant something to Roy. He knows it was the right thing to do when Jamie grips the side of his shirt with a white knuckled grip. Jamie sniffles. "I don't want to leave, all my friends are here, you're here. I don't-" his sniffles turn into a full on sob. "I can't-"

"Okay, Jamie," Roy says, gently shushing him because he knows that Jamie has healed up well, but he wasn't sure how it would go if he hyperventilated now. "Shh, you're not gone yet. I'm right here. You can always come visit. And I can come see you. Not like I have much else to do," and that earns a choked laugh from Jamie. "We'll figure it out," Roy assures him. Roy pulls back enough and tilts Jamie's head until he can actually see him and something inside Roy shatters into pieces. Jamie looks devastated. Roy isn't sure he looked this broken when he was in hospital. It is like for once Jamie can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. And Roy hates that. Hates it more than he hated watching Jamie curl up on the floor of the boot room. Only thing he could ever hate more right now was himself, for walking away from Jamie's hospital room when he had told him he would stay. Because not once, but twice, now Roy has wasted an opportunity to tell Jamie how he really feels. And looking at Jamie now he thinks about all the time he could have had with Jamie that he wasted. "Because we always do." He can't help but glance at Jamie's lips because fucking hell Roy is a glutton for goddamn punishment and despite how shitty his timing is and how this could fuck up Jamie's future he finds himself leaning in. He gives Jamie enough time to pull away if he wants but instead of that happening. Jamie jumps at the chance and meets him halfway in a brutal kiss that makes Roy's heart pound like wild and Jamie feels like his skin is on fire. Jamie wraps his arms tighter around Roy. Roy buries his fingers of one hand in Jamie's hair and the other splays out on his lower back to keep him impossibly close. Roy forces himself to pull away because Jamie had just been struggling for air and sobbing and a few months ago was fighting for breath through broken ribs. And it was a smart move based on the striker's ragged breathing now. But Jamie's tears are gone and replaced by a look of total awe. And Roy can't resist. He kisses him again. And again until they both end up making their way to Roy's bed. Roy has a brief moment where he thinks maybe this is too fast. Maybe Jamie isn't in the right mindset and he's taking advantage of him in a vulnerable moment. He freezes.

"What?" Jamie looks at him with confusion. "What's wrong?"

"You sure you want-" and Jamie's lips cut him off.

"I can honestly fucking say I never wanted anything more," Jamie goes to kiss him again but Roy stops him.

"I don't want to be the guy that takes advantage of -"

"Fucking hell, Roy. You think I haven't thought about this a million times?" Jamie laughs. "You think your poster is on my teenage wall for aesthetic reasons. I have literally thought about this exact moment since I was a fucking kid. So unless you don't want to then-" it's Roy's turn to cut him off by kissing him breathless. And Jamie damn near fucking swoons. Because he wasn't lying. This is the biggest fucking fantasy he ever had. And it ends up being so much more than he could have ever dreamt up because Roy might be a legend on the pitch but he is a fucking artist between the sheets. It's like he knows just how to take someone apart and completely ruin them. And Jamie fucking loved it. Only when they were both just laying there trying to recover did it actually register what it meant. It made Jamie even more desperate to find a way to stay in Richmond and it made Roy just want to fight anyone that would try to take Jamie away from him. But they both knew the morning would eventually come and Jamie would have to leave for Manchester. So Roy just pulled him close. Jamie tucked his head under Roy's chin and let himself take in the feeling of just being with the person he wants to be with. To listen to the way Roy's heartbeat slows to a resting pace and his breathing evens out. Jamie tries to commit every tiny detail to memory before he inevitably falls asleep in the warmest and safest place he has ever been. And a sense of home settles in him that threatens to break him. And that must show somehow because Roy cards his fingers through Jamie's hair. Roy had seen Jamie's mum do it when Jamie had started to shift in his sleep at the hospital. And he must have done it right because Jamie goes to putty in his hands. And Roy thinks he might hear a sniffle.

"Hey," Roy says, his tone softer than Jamie thinks he has ever heard. "I've got you," Roy says, the hand not in Jamie's hair is holding him tight.

"And you have me," Jamie says. "As long as you can stand to have me."

Roy grunts and shifts so he can actually kiss Jamie. "Don't tempt me," he states.

"Mean it," Jamie grins.

"Fucking hell," Roy groans. "Now we have to fucking figure this shit out."

"Too good an offer to resist?" Jamie teases.

"Something like that," Roy says before catching his lips again. "We'll come up with something."

"Always do," Jamie finishes for him.

Roy sees Jamie off at the station and Jamie keeps his sunglasses on and his hoodie pulled tight because it isn't actually his, it's Roy's and no one needed to know that but him and Roy. His sunglasses hide the puffy eyes and tears and let people think he is sleeping off a bender or something because he doesn't need them to ask why he is so quiet. Why isn't he on his phone? He just wants to think of a way to get back to Richmond without ruining his career. Because Roy would be pissed if Jamie threw everything away for him, especially right after losing it all himself. Roy was a bit lost as is. Jamie didn't want to make it worse. The only thing keeping him from worrying too much about Roy being alone was Phoebe. Phoebe would keep him busy. She was smart and would know Roy needed it. Keeley had said she would help them find a way to get Jamie back. And Jamie trusted Keeley more than almost anyone. Between her and Roy, they kept him from losing it completely. He just hopes they could do the same for each other.

As time goes on, Jamie is miserable and annoyed with the rehab team that is trying to get him back to pitch ready. On the phone, Roy reminds him they are just doing their jobs and as much as he hates being there it's for the best. He doesn't take his misery out on anyone, but he doesn't exactly do much to hide it.

Pep meets with him one day and asks him if he is okay and Jamie tells him the truth. He misses Richmond. He never had friends like that. City had put up with him when he was at his worst and he appreciated that, but it didn't feel like home anymore. He wasn't happy. And Pep understood. He would see what they might be able to do to help him and Jamie felt better.

He called Roy later and told him about it.

"That's fucking great," Roy says.

Jamie was practically buzzing with excitement as he waited for the train to get there. He had to remind himself that he couldn't just run up and kiss Roy no matter how much he wanted to. No matter how much he missed him. And Jamie lights up when he sees Roy. And Roy can't help but fucking grin. Jamie hugs him and Roy lets him, fuck anyone that would care. He missed Jamie and he hadn't seen him in weeks. But they can't stay there too long and they both know it.

"How's your mum?" Roy asks as they head to Jamie's car.

"She's good. Simon's good," Jamie grins. "How's your sister and Phoebe?"

"Already annoyed that I have nothing to do but bother them and Keeley has been bugging me about fucking Sky sports."

"Oh that'd be something," Jamie laughs. "You behind the desk with those pricks. I'd pay to see it."

"You fucking would," Roy shakes his head but grins because he knows Jamie is mostly just being a cheeky prick. "You just miss seeing my fucking face."

"That's true," Jamie admits. "That and it's funny when you yell at people that aren't me."

"Fuck off," Roy says, playfully shoving Jamie shoulder. Jamie laughs.

They didn't touch again until Roy's stuff was in the boot and they were in Jamie's car. And even then it isn't more than Jamie's hand finding Roy's when he can. It's like that until they are locked away in Jamie's flat that Roy pins Jamie against the door and gives Jamie a right and proper snog. Fucking kisses him like he'd wanted to since he saw him.

"Hi," Jamie grins when they finally separate for air.

Roy's grunts. "Fucking missed you."

"Fucking missed you too," Jamie parrots. "As much as I'd love for you to fuck me right here, I think your knee would never recover and can't have that, can we?"

"Fucking hell," Roy groans as Jamie moves just right underneath him and Roy considers testing that little idea of Jamie's. But Roy knows Jamie's right and it's been fucking weeks. And he was determined to do this the right way. So he pushes off the door and follows Jamie's lead until they find themselves in a familiar position. Absolutely lost in their own little world for a bit as they make it very clear just how much they really did miss each other. Jamie couldn't stop his hands from exploring if he had wanted and Roy wanted to know what every centimeter of Jamie tastes like. And neither were disappointed by what they discovered. The rest of the day they barely left Jamie's bed. Roy re-familiarizing himself with every tattoo, mark, and scar on Jamie Tartt. And Jamie Tartt listens to the most soothing sound in the world to him, the sound of Roy's heart beating in his chest as he holds Jamie close. It was a reminder that it was all very much real. And Jamie wasn't alone. And Roy didn't mind the fact Jamie just wanted an extra long cuddle. He knew Jamie spent most days trying to get back in shape before the new season. Get back to where Roy assures him he should be. What team didn't matter because they both knew it now. They'd be Richmond till they died because that was home now. That was where most of the important people in their lives were, but mostly they knew that Richmond would be the one place that wouldn't mind if Roy and Jamie were together. Because the team there actually knew them, cared for them. Sure, Pep seemed to care a lot about Jamie, but it wasn't the same. No team had a dynamic quite like Richmond. And it made it hard for Jamie to be back with City. He considered a few lads there his mates, but it wasn't like it was at Richmond. It just felt different. And Jamie missed them terribly.

"How's the team?" Jamie asks.

"Scattered as usual, postseason. Montlaur, Rojas, and the rest went home. Sam says to stay in touch. Jeff said he'd try and catch back up with you soon. Ted says 'don't be a stranger' in that stupid accent of his."

"I miss them too," Jamie says.

"I know," Roy says as he runs his fingers tips along Jamie's scalp. He tugs slightly at the striker's now longer hair, earning an unashamed moan from Jamie. "Growing it out I see."

"Good or bad?"

"It's you, you'd make it fucking work one way or another."

"Not exactly an answer, Kent."

"It's fucking fine. I don't give a shit as long as you like it."

"I do like it," Jamie admits.

"Then it's good," Roy says, giving the longer locks another tug.

"I think I fucking love you," Jamie blurts out before he can stop himself. Like his brain hasn't caught up with his heart or his mouth. The hand in his hair stills and he is pretty sure he hears the way Roy's heartbeat races. That was good right? It's a long and painful silence for Jamie as he waits for Roy to say anything. But the silence gets to him. "Roy…" and Roy tilts Jamie's head up and manages to catch his lips.

"I think you aren't the only one," Roy says. His words spoke against Jamie's lips. "I fucking love you too."

And Jamie could cry, because Roy fucking Kent just said he loved him back while they cuddle in Jamie's bed. "Now I really need to find a way back to Richmond."

"You really do," Roy agrees.

The team cheers when Jamie walks in and Jamie is stunned. It's not until Roy guides him over to his new cubby spot, that just so happens to be right by the door.

"Told you it would work out," Roy whispers in his ear. Jamie wants to keep Roy that close and fucking kiss him so bad his hands actually twitch. But before he can do anything, Roy grins. "Go celebrate," he insists as he pulls away from Jamie to head to the gaffer's office to talk to Beard. Jamie wanted to reach over and pull him back but the team swarmed him. Because not only is he healed up and ready to start the new season, he is back at Richmond.

"You tell him the rest of the deal?" Beard asks as Roy walks in.

"Nah, want to see the look on his face when it happens," Roy says. "Little prick has been a fucking nightmare the past few days."

"Your nightmare though," Beard states. Roy looks over at the desk that's officially his. Roy couldn't help but grin when a loud round of Richmond till we die is being shouted in the locker room. And he knows, he just knows this was the right call to make. For both their futures.

Ted and Beard manage to get the team out on the field. Jamie had been sad that he hadn't had the chance to say goodbye to Roy but he had training to do.

"You ready?" Keeley asks him.

Roy nods.

Roy spends half the morning in the press room fielding questions about not only being Richmond's newest coach, one that actually knows the game, and an openly non-straight one at that. And the press went wild on that. Questions about his preferences. How long he had known. He refused to answer most of them. And absolutely shut the whole thing down when they asked if he was seeing anyone. He was just getting up to leave when someone asked about the nature of his relationship with Jamie Tartt, since Roy had been seen spending time with in Manchester in the off season. That pissed Roy off. He wasn't going to say anything revealing. Because he hadn't actually talked any of this over with Jamie.

"He asked for my help to get him ready for the new season, after his recovery. Didn't need to train myself anymore. I was his fucking captain when he was hurt and I'm a fucking coach now. Is that so fucking hard to believe?" And he walked away.

Rebecca had told him he had done well.

The locker room went oddly quiet when he walked in after lunch. Roy had spent most of his day so far dealing with Keeley plotting over a dozen photos and event lineups for him. He didn't care about any of it. He knew by the time he got back to start actually coaching the team would already know.

"The fuck you lot staring at," Roy says. "Get the fuck back to work." He looked at Jamie but Jamie wouldn't look at him. Roy sighs and drags Jamie into the office. Both Ted and Beard take that as their cue to get the team moving. Ted gives Roy a thumbs up as he closes the door behind them.

"You didn't tell me you were going to do that," Jamie says.

"Are you mad?" Roy asks him, because Jamie didn't look happy at all.

"Why?" Jamie implores.

The new coach wasn’t sure what the striker meant. "Why did I do it or why didn't I tell you?"

"Both," Jamie says.

"It was part of the deal to get Welton to buy out your contract from Man City."

"So you outed yourself for me?" Jamie doesn’t know if he should be furious or feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

"I took the job as a coach for you, Keeley thought we might as well make the announcement memorable."

That twists something in Jamie’s gut. Keeley is easily his best friend, but that didn’t mean he agreed with her tactics. He hated the idea of Roy giving up anything for, let alone something this big. "But they made you…"

Roy can tell this isn’t going the way he figured it would. He probably should have figured that would happen. "No one fucking makes me do anything I don't fucking want to," Roy assures him. "You fucking know that."

"I know but-"

"I never actually hid my sexuality from anyone. But no one fucking asked. And no one…well, no one ever made me think I'd have a reason to make something of it. But you. That's different. You've always been different. Made me fucking think. Fucking be better. Even before that fucking morning in the boot room. You always rose to meet me. Challenged me. Fucking annoying but I love it."

"Why didn't you tell me, we could have-"

"Because you are just getting back on the fucking pitch. You are now fully contracted to AFC Richmond. People are going to already have questions. Like why would a Manchester lad, born and raised, trained by City want to be anywhere but with Man City or even fucking United. Or what could possibly interest you in staying with a team that is barely in the league. If you and me were to actually go public, right now, you know what they'd say. You were throwing it all away for me. Or that I made you fucking do it."

"And I'd fucking tell ‘em all that is bullshit. My dad ruined Manchester for me. My dad is why I didn't mind coming here in the first place. It pissed him off. And I'll tell ‘em no team has ever felt more like home than Richmond. That yeah, I'm from Manchester. My mum is still there with my stepdad. And I love them. But I'm Richmond till I fucking die if they'll have me. Because there are things I love here in Richmond too. This fucking team. And I fucking love you. So that's all there is to it. I fought like hell to get back here and I made that choice. Me. And like you said, I asked you to help me get back here. Not just in the game but to Nelson Road. To the fucking AFC Richmond Greyhounds. There is no place I'd rather be than right here with you."

"That was beautiful." Jamie and Roy turn to see Ted standing there with Colin and Dani. Dani having been the one to actually say it.

"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin the cinematic moment," Ted says. "Dani was worried that Jamie was worn out from training already and Colin wanted to talk to you, Coach."

"Fucking hell," Roy says. He pinches the bridge of his nose. This team was already getting on his nerves and it was his first day as a coach.

Ted takes that as his sign that maybe Roy needs a bit more time to talk to Jamie. "We'll give you fellas a minute. But for the record, you two are adorable. Like enemies to lovers is one of my favorite troupes. So happy for you gents."

"Fuck off," Roy glares at Ted.

"Right, yeah, we're going," Ted says. Colin and Dani are already halfway to the locker rooms and looking anywhere but at the pair in the office.

Ted closes the door behind him again.

"Well, I guess the team's gonna know," Jamie says. "That okay?"

"I don't give a shit what they say. They'd always be fucking fine with it. It's the rest of the fucking league and the fucking fans that will try to fucking ruin you. And I don't want to be-"

Jamie kisses him.

"You won't be. I'd have probably found a way to fuck things up on my own if you hadn't have fought me in the boot room that morning. You're the reason we're both still here."

"Well, let's just fucking see how my shit goes over before you go making it about you," Roy says. Jamie laughs.

"You are something else, Roy fucking Kent," Jamie laughs.

"And your a fucking prick, but I fucking love you too. Now get your arse out on that pitch. And don't expect me to go easy on you because I know you better than anyone and I'm going to-" Jamie kisses him again before heading towards the door with a cheeky, "Yes, Coach."

"Dani Rojas!" Jamie grins as he makes his way into the locker room. "I assure you amigo, I am better than I have ever been. And I was fucking fantastic before." He claps Dani on the back.

"I can see that, mi amigo. I am very happy for you and Coach Roy. And I am glad you are back."

"Me too, Dani Rojas. Me too." Jamie throws his arm over Dani's shoulders as the pair of strikers head out.

"I'll go with them," Ted says. "Take your time."

Roy looks at a nervous Colin. "Hughes?"

"Yeah?" Colin says.

"Fucking out with it," Roy demands.

"Sorry, maybe I should come back another time, it's your first day as coach and-"

"Hughes," Roy says. "What is it?"

Colin had no idea how to ask what he actually wanted to ask.

“Going to need more clues here, Hughes,” Roy says. He has a feeling he knows but he isn’t going to be a prick and just assume.

Colin hesitates but he realizes that Roy just made the biggest announcement anyone could make on this type of topic in the sport. So he might as well just say it. “I’m gay,” Colin says.

“Okay? And?”

“What?”

“And I’m your coach and I’m glad you feel like you can tell me this, but is that all you wanted to say?”

“I just…I didn’t know there was anyone else like me on the team,” Colin says. “I didn’t know you or even Jamie-”

Roy is quick to stop him. “Going to need to talk to Jamie about what Jamie is.”

“But aren’t you two…” Colin is confused. He’d just seen Roy and Jamie kiss, more than once. “But you’re together, Jamie clearly-”

“Again, you’re going to have to fucking talk to Jamie about Jamie. Jamie and I haven’t labeled shit,” Roy tells him. “I’m not going to put him in a fucking box. I know that I’m me. Not straight, not gay. It’s a fucking spectrum I never bothered to figure out. All I can say is it’s fucking fine you’re gay. Fucking great you know who you are. I’ll tell you the same thing I told him, don’t fucking say shit about it to the press yet. I can take the fucking heat. I’m not saying hide it any more than you were before. Opposite really. You can be who you are outside here. That’s fine. Fuck it, you can even tell the team, be all fucking sunshine and rainbows for them. They love any reason to celebrate. I’m out, Jamie might as well be now. You can do what you want. I’m just say be fucking careful if you aren’t ready to tell the world. For better or fucking worse, I just brought a fucking press shit show to the door.”

“Why’d you do it?” Colin asks.

“Because I may not like telling the press shit, but I know they’re going to look for a story and the story is that I’m fucking here because Jamie Tartt wanted to be and that was fucking deal. Could leak from our side, could leak from City.”

“Man City knows?”

“Pep Guardiola knows more than he lets on,” Roy states.

“I don’t doubt that,” Colin says with absolute honesty. Pep Guardiola was known for being a good gaffer.

“I wanted the fucking lens to be focused on me,” Roy tells him. “Jamie’s been through fucking hell to get here. Fucking earned it. Press don’t need to be fucking digging around on why he wants to be here.”

“And if they figure out about you and Jamie?” Colin asks. “Not that I would ever say anything. I wouldn’t, I swear.”

“Then I guess we go the way Jamie suggested, tell ‘em they’re fucking pricks and that they’re looking for a scandal between consenting fucking adults that keep their private lives fucking private as much as fucking possible, and that as long as Jamie does his fucking job, and I do my fucking job, what’s the fucking problem?”

“Well, guess it’s good you have a plan,” Colin says.

“When fucking don’t I?” Roy challenges.

“Fair play,” Colin admits.

“Is that all, Hughes?” Roy asks. “Or do you want to have a fucking tea party?”

Colin isn’t sure if he should answer yes or no, that was a very confusing but very Roy Kent sort of question. “I think that’s it,” Colin manages.

“Then get your fucking arse on the pitch with the rest of the fucking team,” Roy tells him.

“Yes, Coach,” Colin says in a rush as he goes through the door to the locker room. “Sorry, Coach.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Roy calls after him. “Be fucking faster.”

Once alone Roy takes a deep breathe and fucking groans. This was his fucking life now. And he didn’t hate it at fucking all. He smiled to himself. His players clearly trusted him, at least as far as he could tell. They seemed supportive enough. He had Jamie and he didn’t see Jamie going anywhere anytime soon. He still had to deal with Ted fucking Lasso, but that didn’t seem as fucking terrible as it had before. He was supportive and he helped get Jamie back. Roy’s family was in a good place and for once it seemed he might be. Something would go fucking sideways sooner or later, but for now, like Jamie, he’s Richmond till he dies. Which being in a relationship with fucking Jamie Tartt, might be sooner rather than later, but it’d be worth it.

“About bloody time,” Jamie says when Roy finally makes it to the pitch. “What took you so long?”

“None of your fucking business,” Roy says but there is no heat in it, because this is Jamie.

“Your business is my business,” Jamie counters.

“Nosy prick,” Roy grunts.

“But you fucking love me,” Jamie grins.

“Might fucking change if your arse isn’t back running fucking drills in the next ten fucking seconds.”

Jamie laughs, because he knows that’s a fucking lie. He also knows Roy isn’t going to show him any favoritism on the pitch. “You said the same thing to Phoebe when she got out of bed after you’d tucked her in the other night,” Jamie points out. “Might need to work on your motivational shit, coach.”

“How's this for motivational,” Roy gets right up in Jamie’s face. “Get your fucking arse back to drills now and maybe you can do that one thing I told you you could never fucking do at the dog track.”

“Wait…really? But you said I’d terrorized enough kitmen and didn’t need to traumatize him more,” Jamie says.

“Not going to fucking find out running that pretty little mouth of yours on the sidelines, Tartt.” And the look on Roy’s face tells him he’s fucking serious. On all of it. And Jamie might actually be more motivated than he ever has been in his life to run drills.

“Fucking hell,” Jamie mutters.

“Fucking move it, Tartt!” Roy shouts and Jamie does with a chipper, “Yes, Coach.”