#i dunno just a random thing i pulled out of my ass and i havent posted here in awhile so

[barbequebarf]

mikes n laps

[brelione]

Not as Terrible (Rafe Cameron X Routledge!Reader)

Warnings:Not proof read, swearing

Being John.B’s older sister was definitely and adventure.You were only older by a year but that one year age gap did a lot for you.Whether it was arguments or discussions on who would do a dangerous task you could always pull the older sibling card.

Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didnt but it was always worth a shot.But then again being the older sibling and John.B’s only family meant that you had other responsibilities,including messing up anyone that messed with him.

Rafe kissed you gently, a grin on his face. “I love you.”He grinned,hands in your hoodie pocket. “I know.I gotta go soon,JB’s gonna get made at me.”His face fell,pouting. “He shouldnt be your responsibility.”He grumbled,holding you tight.

You simply shrugged, not wanting to go through your life story and how it was now your job to take care of him.He could never understand the situation, he didnt really give a damn about Sarah.He also had a father, a shitty one for sure but he still had a father at least.He couldnt understand being a pogue either.

You guys were completely different in pretty much every way imaginable but ‘opposites attract’ or whatever bullshit. “I know….I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”You asked,sitting up.He nodded,pulling you into another quick kiss before kissing your forehead lightly.

 “Dont forget to hate me.”You reminded him,opening his window and sliding down the fire escape,feeling his eyes on you as you hopped the fence.He sighed, becoming tired of the little game you guys had to play.

Because Rafe was the direct enemy of your brother and his friends that meant that you were supposed to avoid him entirely.It was just the rules of life.But that being said if you ever came across one of your brothers enemies you had to mess with them.

That included messing with Rafe,randomly showing up and flicking the back of his head,disappearing before he knew it was you.It started as you being an annoying presence to ruin his day,spitting gum onto his windshield or placing fake tickets on his car.

But slowly you started falling in love with him because of course you did.It was fucked up but you couldnt stop it, him eventually falling for you too.Thats when this little game began, sneaking out of your house and over to Rafe’s to cuddle and watch movies together,coming home late at night when John.B and his friends were having a fire.

JJ would pull you onto his lap, asking where you had been.He had a thing for you, claiming that it would be fine if the two of you guys got together because you were only eight months older than him so it wasnt that strange.

The age gap itself wasnt strange, it was the fact that he was your brother’s best friend for the last eight years that made things strange.You were fine with sitting in his lap while he whispered jokes into your ear in attempts to get you to laugh.

Of course it felt a little wrong because you were dating Rafe but you couldnt exactly tell him that without John.B finding out too, instead just letting JJ mess around with you because you knew nothing was going to come from it.

The next day you were decided to go with them to the beach, regretting it when you saw Rafe with Topper and Kelce, sitting in beach chairs with beer bottles in their hands.You saw JJ’s jaw clench, John.B rolling his eyes.

 “Why are they here?This isnt fair.”You brother grumbled, Pope nodding in agreement.The five of you decided to sit in the sand for a while,JJ’s hand on your knee almost like he was trying to protect you from Rafe’s eyes.If only he knew.Rafe kept looking over to you, a blush on his cheeks as he did so.

Eventually they left, leaving you and your brothers friends alone on the beach. “You know, I think im just gonna head back home.I have a headache.”You told them, making your way up the sandy hills before they could question it.As you began your walk down one of the dirt streets to get back to the house a bike pulled up next to you, your boyfriend being the one riding it.

 “Hey pretty girl.”You could practically hear the smile through his helmet.You sighed, stopping your walk to stare at him as he took off his helmet,leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “You coming to my house tonight?”He asked, twisting the fabric of your tshirt.

You shrugged, not sure what your brother was going to be doing. “I dont know if I can, John.B and the others might want me to go get groceries with them or something.”You replied,feeling his grip on you tighten,humming. “I havent messed with them in a while.”He muttered, glad when you smiled. 

“Thats good, I would have beat your ass if you did.”You teased with a roll of your eyes. He chuckled,kissing your forehead. “I would've liked it though.”He admitted.You laughed,smacking his arm lightly. “Shut up.”You grumbled, unaware of JJ watching you guys. 

“Is he bothering you?”JJ asked, coming out from his hiding spot in the trees.Your eyes widened, your stomach tightening.Shit. “Uh...no, everythings fine, JJ.Just go back to the beach.”You told him,hoping you didnt sound too suspicious.His blue eyes fell to your hand, the one that was holding Rafe’s.Fuck. 

“Is something going on that I should know about?”He asked,glaring at Rafe like he was trying to make his head blow up. “No, just go back to the beach.”You told him, a sort of assertive tone to your voice that was reserved for John.B when he wanted to do something dangerous.JJ’s eyebrows furrowed, not used to you speaking to him like this.

He nodded,walking away, sending you a look of disappointment before disappearing into the trees, most likely about to tell John.B what he had just seen.Rafe noticed how uneasy you were,hugging you. “Hey, dont stress about it.He’s got nothing on you, whats he gonna do?Complain that we were having a conversation?”He asked, not really helping.

“So I just saw (Y/N) talking to Rafe.”JJ grabbed a beer from the cooler, all eyes falling on him. “Cameron?”John.B asked, not really believing that you’d ever talk to such a vile human being.JJ nodded,sipping the alcoholic drink.

 “They were all over eachother, it was weird.”He grumbled, a slight jealousy in his voice.Kiara raised her eyebrows, a little mad about the situation. “What do you mean they were all over eachother?”She asked, looking over to Pope.

 “I mean they were holding hands and shit,giggling and he was like,I dont know.Its weird.”He tried his best to explain,realising it didnt sound as serious as it was. “(Y/N) doesnt giggle...she just...she just stares at people.Are you sure it was Rafe?”Pope asked.This was out of character for you.You had joined their conversations before, all of you talking shit about the Cameron family.

You had called Rafe a “Cruel, disgusting bitch.” it didnt make sense that you’d willingly talk to him.Meanwhile you were on the back of Rafe’s bike,arms wrapped around him tight as he pulled into his driveway, trying to figure out the best way to sneak you inside.

You ended up being hidden by him as you guys shuffled up the stairs, nearly getting caught by Ward.Luckily he was too busy on a call, not paying attention at all as Rafe pushed you inside his room, locking the door with a sigh. “What do you wanna watch?”He asked,falling on the bed next to you, grabbing the tv remote.

You shrugged,wrapping an arm around him with your head against his chest. “Doesnt matter.”You replied, watching as he picked a random horror movie,knowing that hed probably end up squealing and holding onto you.Your phone dinged, vibrating against your thigh.

You sighed,picking it up to check what someone could want or why they were trying to talk to you.It was a text from Kie, asking why the hell you were at Rafe Cameron’s house.There was no way in hell she actually knew that, she was probably just guessing.You sat up,taking Rafe with you, his chin on your shoulder and a frown on his face.

You:????

Kie:Your snap map is on.What are you doing with Rafe?

You:Im not with Rafe

Kie:Seriously like are you ok

You:Im fine lol

Kie:But why are you with Rafe?

You sighed,turning to look at the kook king. “What should I tell her?”You asked, unsure what to do.If you told her that you in Rafe were dating then she would obviously tell John.B and that meant that you would be in deep shit and would never hear the end of it.He sighed,kissing your shoulder lightly.

 “I dunno, baby.Tell her whatever you feel comfortable telling her.”That wasnt really helpful.You couldnt exactly lie to her.There was no other reason that you’d be at the Cameron’s mansion if it werent for Rafe.You hated Sarah because Kiara hated Sarah so you couldnt exactly use that excuse either.You were anxious the whole time you typed, praying that she wouldnt tell the others.

You:Can you keep a secret?

Kie:Yeah

You:What would you do if I told you I was dating Rafe?

Kie:You dumb idiot

Kie:Rafe??Really?Out of all people?

Kie:Hoe you could do better

Kie:So like youre cool with him hitting JJ and Pope?

Kie:Shit you need to tell JJ

You sighed,biting the inside of your cheek. “Why do you need to tell JJ?”Rafe asked,curious.You groaned,leaning against him. “He’s got a thing for me.”You explained, hoping you hadnt made him feel insecure.

You:He’s nice to me,ok?Plus he hasnt beat anyone in months and im happy and I just need you to not say anything

You waited for an answer, only seeing a ‘read’ receipt. “Shit.”You sighed, realizing that you had probably made the wrong decision by telling her about your relationship. “What?”He asked, not understanding exactly what had happened. 

“Watch her tell everyone.”You tossed your phone down onto the blanket, laying on top of your boyfriend. “It wouldnt be so bad,would it?”He asked, knowing that you were probably embarrassed to be with him. “I just...you know how they feel about you.”you reminded him, hearing him sigh. 

“I know.”He replied as he rubbed small circles along your stomach. “Im trying to change though.”He muttered, pressing a kiss to your neck.You nodded, understanding. “I know you are but they dont.”You grumbled,your leg resting at his hip as he continued leaving kisses down your neck.

You didnt leave until four in the morning, staying up with him the whole night.Ward and Rose had gone out on a date, leaving the two of you with his house to yourselves.You sat on the kitchen counter,your legs around his waist as you shared a pint of icecream.

 “This is the expensive kind.”You noticed,coming across brownie chunks and bits of chocolate truffle.He smiled, nodding. “Yep, its just kook life I guess.”He replied, not really caring. “This shit is like...ten dollars a pint.”He only laughed, not understanding how you hadnt grown up with the same things he had.

He just couldnt wrap his head around the fact that not everyone was like him.You couldnt exactly blame him, he had been isolated most of his childhood and if he wasnt by himself he was surrounded by kooks. 

“You can go to the grocery store with me next week if you want.We can get all the expensive icecream you want...maybe we can get some for John.B too, you know, to win him over.”He explained his idea.You shrugged, not sure how to feel. 

“You dont even do your own grocery shopping, remember?”You asked, seeing him roll his eyes. “I’ll go grocery shopping for you, baby.We can get cookie dough and mix it into brownie batter.”He continued,scooping another spoonful of icecream.You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking about it.It sounded fun but most grocery stores wouldnt be open at the times you were with Rafe.

“I gotta go, i’ll see you tomorrow though.”You promised,kissing him quickly.He backed away to let you slide off the counter, putting your phone in your pocket. He tugged at your t shirt, bringing you close to him so he could place a kiss on your lips, enjoying the feeling that he knew he wouldnt feel for a day at least.

He knew that the second you left his happiness would leave with you, making his mood a bit dull as he hugged you.“Do you want icecream to go?”He offered.You were quick to shake your head, leaving quick so you could get home.He pouted, wishing you two could be together more often.

You tip toed into the house,turning on your bedroom light only to see The Pogues all sitting in there, staring at the door. “Rafe Cameron?”John.B asked, sitting up on your bed.You sighed, sitting down. 

“Really,Kie?”You asked, looking over to the brunette. “JJ took my phone!”She exclaimed, making your eyes travel to JJ. “Are you serious?”You asked the blonde, noticing him pouting. 

“I thought he should know.”He muttered.Pope just seemed mad. “How long has this been going on?”Your brother asked, glaring at you. “Im not doing this right now.”You shook your head, going to leave the room when he grabbed your wrist.

 “(Y/N).What would dad think?”He asked.You scoffed, unable to believe that he went there. “Dad would want me to be happy, unlike you.He hasnt bothered you guys in months!Cant you see that he’s changed?”You asked,all of them avoiding eye contact.

 “No!People like Rafe Cameron cant change, (Y/N)!Do you think he actually likes you?”John.B asked, regretting it the second it left his lips. “Oh, fuck you!”You exclaimed, leaving the room and slamming the door behind you. 

“What the hell, John.B?”Kiara shouted, angry with her friend. “I didnt mean it like that!Lets give her a minute to cool off.”John.B grumbled, feeling JJ and Pope glaring at him.

 “What the fuck is wrong with you?”Pope asked, just as angry as JJ.John.B just sat, listening to their cursing and anger. “I didnt mean it!”John.B shouted eventually, tired of their yelling.JJ shook his head, going to find you.

You werent in the bathroom or living room, leading him to think that maybe you had left until he looked out the kitchen window.He saw you in the hammock, leaving the house with a slam of the screen door and going to lay down next to you. 

“What do you want?”You asked, not looking at the blonde. “Does he really make you happy?”JJ asked,waiting patiently for your answer.You nodded, turning to look at him. “Very much, yeah.”You answered,seeing a grin on his face. 

“So then why does it matter what we think?I mean, im definitely the better choice here but if he makes you happy then go for it.”He chuckled, looking over to the house. “John.B is mad.”You muttered, wrapping your arms around JJ’s torso as the sun began to come up.

 “He’s always mad, doesnt matter.If he can hook up with girls all the time I dont see why you cant have a healthy, loving relationship.It seems dumb to me.”He shrugged.You laughed quietly, not understanding when JJ became a life coach. 

“Yeah, I agree.I just dont want him to be mad at me, you know?Its not like if he’s mad at you, you can just leave the house but I cant.Im stuck with that bitch all the time.”You ranted, earning a small laugh from him. 

“Yeah, true.I think you should just live your life how you want to live it.If you want to be with Rafe then be with Rafe.Personally im not a fan of him but that doesnt mean I can just control your relationships.I mean, youre right.He hasnt really bothered us in months and I havent seen him around The Cut looking for trouble so maybe he has changed.As long as its healthy and everything is consensual.Everything is consensual,right?”He asked, looking down at you.

You hadnt really seen this side of JJ before, usually only seeing his flirty and joking side. “Of course.”You replied, flicking his stomach. “Right, so thats good.If John.B’s mad then that sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it.”He sighed, staring up at the sky through the tree branches. 

“Are you mad?”You asked, curious for his answer.He bit his lip, thinking about it. “No, not really.I just cant believe you like him of all people.”He chuckled, feeling you flick his head. “I didnt like him at first, it kinda just happened.”You replied.JJ nodded, not saying anything else.

You fell asleep in the hammock next to JJ,waking up at noon.There was a note on the kitchen table saying that they had all decided to go out on the boat for the day and that there was pepsi and yogurt in the fridge.You could tell by the handwriting that Pope had written it, everyone else had probably forgot about you.

At eight the next night things werent as tense as they had been before.John.B had even driven you to Rafe’s house, ranting about safe sex and telling you to give Rafe a slice of ‘humble pie’.You rolled your eyes,getting out of the van and telling him to fuck off before walking up to Rafe’s front door, knocking lightly.

He told you that you didnt have to climb through his window anymore.Since you had to tell the pogues about your relationship he had decided to tell his family about it as well which meant he didnt have to hide you anymore.

John.B watched from the van as Rafe embraced you in a hug, smile on his face as he kissed your forehead.He had never seen Rafe look like that, the only smile he’d ever seen on Rafe Cameron was the kind that belonged to an angry sociopath.

But now he kind of just looked like a squishy, smiling gremlin.You and Rafe stood in the doorway for a moment, talking about how things had gone with John.B.Rafe had noticed the van sitll in the driveway, sending a quick and awkward brave towards your brother.A grin came across John.B’s face as he backed out of the driveway.Maybe you dating the Kook King wasnt as terrible as he thought.

@sexytholland​ @28cnn​  @popcrone818​ @fttayla​ @cherryobx​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​ @drewstarkeyobx​ @poguestyleskye​ @judayyyw​ @jjtheangel​ @jj-iz-bae​

@sunwardsss @meaganjm​  @sarcasticsagittarius1998​ @natalie-kate-98​ @nxsmss​ @broken-jj​ @joshy-obx​ @prejudic3​ @outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​  @abbiesthings​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless

[living-lucid-dream]

Happy 4/13!

It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything Homestuck-related. What better day to change that than today? What I’m trying to say is: here, have some random snippets from a maybe-sequel to Straw Soldiers.

> Vriska: Distress call

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Terezi!!!!!!!! AG: Thank fuck you are online 8ecause I am having a serious crisis. AG: I’m talking all hands on deck, all points 8ulletin sort of 8ullshit. AG: Terezi? AG: Come on, will you SAY SOMETHING already? AG: This is an emergency and you are my only chance at keeping everything from going to complete shit. AG: I swear to god I am not exagger8ing when I say that I am fucking dying here!!!!!!!! GC: HUH GC: TH4TS STR4NG3 GC: MY NOS3 DO3S NOT D3T3CT 3V3N TH3 F41NT3ST WH1FF OF D3C4Y1NG FL3SH GC: 1T 1S P1CK1NG UP ON3 H3FTY P1L3 OF M3LODR4M4 THOUGH >:/ AG: OK, OK. So may8e I’m not dying right this second—8ut I will 8e if you don’t do something for me, and I mean pronto. GC: UH-HUH GC: 4ND WH4T 3X4CTLY 1S TH1S 4LL3G3DLY L1F3 S4V1NG M4N3UV3R YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO? AG: First, I need you to answer something for me. GC: OK, SHOOT AG: How long have we known each other, exactly? GC: 1 DUNNO GC: F1V3, S1X SW33PS? GC: WHY? AG: Five or six sweeps. Practically our whole lives! AG: I mean, 8y now we’re pretty much o8lig8ed to help each other out in times of dire need and you’ve got to know that I wouldn’t ask for help with anything unless I was really, truly desper8. GC: UGH, TH3 M3LODR4M4 GC: 1T BURNS! AG: Hey, I am 8eing totally serious! AG: Geeeeeeeez, Pyrope. I come here hoping to get a little help from my lifelong 8osom 8uddy and all you can do is give me a 8unch of salty attitude. AG: If that’s the way you’re going to 8e then may8e I won’t 8other to ask you for anything after all. GC: JUST T3LL M3 WH4T YOU W4NT AG: Now that’s the spirit! AG: All right. So the thing I’m going to ask you to do may not sound like much, 8ut 8elieve me it is a very 8ig deal. AG: I need you to talk some sense into Peixes for me. GC: >:? GC: 4BOUT WH4T? AG: Somehow she got it into her pan that it would 8e a good idea to make me go all the fuck 8ack to Alternia and pick up Tav8utt and wonder clown. AG: I’ve tried reasoning with her 8ut she is 8eing a stu88orn 8rat and pulling rank on me. GC: SORRY TO S4Y 1T BUT 1 F41L TO S33 HOW 4NY OF TH4T QU4L1F13S 4S L1F3 4ND D34TH AG: Trust me, it is. GC: HOW SO? AG: 8ecause I will die of 8oredom! AG: Can you even imagine me, stuck on a ship for god knows how long with no8ody 8ut Toreasnore and Gamzee for company? AG: 8oriiiiiiiing! AG: I mean, the two of them don’t have a pair of 8rain cells 8etween them! GC: 1 4M SUR3 YOU W1LL SURV1V3 AG: What? So you’re not going to do anything at all to help me???????? AG: I’ve seen you do some pretty ruthless shit, 8ut releg8ing your good friend to dork squad shuttle service? AG: That’s cold ::::( GC: 1 4M SUR3 1T WONT B3 TH4T B4D GC: B3S1D3S 1 TH1NK 1T W1LL B3 GOOD FOR YOU GC: GR34T FOR BU1LD1NG CH4R4CT3R 4ND 4LL TH4T J4ZZ AG: “8uilding character” my ass. You just want to see me suffer. GC: ME? N3V3R >;] GC: H4V3 4 S4F3 TR1P GC: OH, 4ND DON’T TORM3NT T4VROS TOO MUCH AG: You know I will ::::p

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

  > Future Vriska: Distress call

arachnidsGrip [AG] opened memo EMERGENCY READ NOW!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited twinArmageddons [TA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited grimAuxiliatrix [GA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited gallowsCalibrator [GC] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited caligulasAquarium [CA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited cuttlefishCuller [CC] to memo

AG: Come on, you useless 8unch of laya8outs! Get your asses in here! AG: Aaauuuuuuuugh! Where is every8ody???????? AG: Is this not getting through to any of you? AG: Fuck it, I can’t tell so I’m doing this regardless. AG: My ship has 8een attacked. AG: There have 8een losses and no, I am not detailing what those losses are right here 8ecause this is humili8ing enough as it is. AG: The long and short of it is: I’m stranded and I have no idea where the hell I am exactly 8ut I do know that I am drifting somewhere 8etween Earth and Alternia. AG: I am pretty sure I can safely classify the situ8ion as “in dire need of a relief shuttle right fucking now.” AG: Hello? AG: Is any8ody getting this???????? AG: Come on, some8ody ANSW8R ME, ALR8DY! AG: G8DDAMN 8T!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo

  > John: Pester Dave

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! EB: you there, buddy? TG: yo EB: geez, you’ve been mia for like four days now. Where the heck have you been? TG: shit dude TG: ive been laying lower than a teenage mutant ninja turtle chilling in the new york sewer TG: slinking around like the stealth phantom lovechild of batman and solid snake EB: oh. so the paparazzi are after you too, huh? TG: yeah EB: that sucks. TG: eh TG: for a while i was thinking about mooning them just to see how hard they pissed themselves trying to go all national geographic on my ass TG: then i realized that there was like an eighty billion percent certainty that my ass would just end up getting trotted out on fucking tmz or some shit TG: now national enquirer TG: i would be down with seeing my ass on the front page of such a fine publication TG: but tmz TG: no way TG: daytime tv is not ready for the strider ass TG: so me and aradia gave them the slip and they fell for it harder than bambi on ice TG: havent seen one of those fuckers in almost a week now EB: lucky! they’re all over me and karkat. EB: seriously, it’s like a freaking lightning storm every time i open the front door! EB: it was kind of funny at first but now it’s just…ugh. EB: hey, wait a sec! EB: you said you were with aradia? what are you guys doing? TG: we are going full-on magical mystery tour to find all the weird ass dead things the good old usa has to offer TG: we already hit up the mutter museum TG: it was the shit TG: never saw so many dead things in jars all in one place TG: made my collection look like some messy amateur shit TG: like their stuff is triple black diamond pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye caliber and my stuff barely even qualifies as a bunny slope for toddlers TG: oh and aradia and i pooled our cash and adopted a skull because who doesnt want to say that they are the proud daddy of a newborn 200 hundred year-old skull EB: jesus, sometimes i forget how weird you guys are. TG: hey the strider cool cocktail might not go with everything but at least its never boring TG: anyways im pretty sure we are going to be creeping around your neck of the woods in a couple of weeks TG: we should hang if you and karkat are going to be around EB: cool! EB: we’ll be here. EB: unless karkat’s got one of his pt sessions. EB: but then we’ll be back in like two hours, so yes! we’ll be here. TG: speaking of vantas TG: how is shouty mcqueen doing these days TG: that guys been more elusive than a shiny pokemon since you guys got home EB: he’s fine. EB: he just has a hard time with typing. and tying his shoes. and…lots of things, actually. TG: shit TG: i thought they said his hands were fixed EB: depends on the they you’re talking to, i guess. EB: terezi brought him a new phone, though. EB: it has voice-to-text for english and alternian. EB: jade and sollux made it for him, or at least i think that’s what terezi said when she gave it to him. EB: my alternian still sucks so i’m not sure. EB: anyways we’re about to have breakfast now so i should probably go. TG: ok TG: later ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

 > Future John: Pester Dave

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! EB: are you there, buddy? EB: dave, come on. EB: this isn’t funny. EB: you’re really freaking me out here. EB: dave, please. EB: you need to answer me now! EB: jesus christ.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

> Future Karkat: Contact loving matesprit

carcinoGenticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [CG]

CG: OK, YOU’VE HAD YOUR FUN. CG: NOW WIPE THAT SHIT-EATING GRIN OFF YOUR FACE AND STOP THIS BULLFUCKERY RIGHT NOW. CG: I KNOW THIS DISTANCE MATESPRITSHIP THING SUCKS HARDER THAN THE MOTHER GRUB’S SLURRY ACCEPTING ORIFICE. CG: BUT IF THIS ISN’T WORKING FOR YOU THEN YOU NEED TO TELL ME INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, IGNORING ME FOR TWO WEEKS. CG: JESUS FUCK, TEREZI. CG: I’D EXPECT THAT SORT OF SHIT-RINSING PISSBABY WAY OF HANDLING THINGS FROM PAST ME BECAUSE PAST ME IS A PAIL-SWILLING FUCKWIT WITH THE FANTASTIC ABILITY TO MAGICALLY LOSE HIS GLOBES WHEN SHIT GETS REAL. CG: BUT NOT FROM YOU. CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU OR SOLLUX ARE ALIVE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? CG: NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAVE DEIGNED TO SEND ME SO MUCH AS A “HI, KARKAT JUST POPPING A SQUAT TO SHIT OUT THIS TURD OF A MESSAGE SO YOU CAN STOP WORRYING THAT WE BOTH DID SOMETHING PAN-NUMBINGLY STUPID LIKE DROWN IN THE LOAD GAPER; TALK TO YOU LATER YOU FART-BRAINED IGNORAMUS.” CG: THERE. CG: SEE? CG: WAS THAT SO HARD? CG: HELPFUL HINT: EVEN THE FART-BRAINED IGNORAMUS WITHOUT FUNCTIONING OPPOSABLE THUMBS MANAGED IT IN A SPHINCTER-RANKLING 60 SECONDS. CG: I GET THAT YOU AND SOLLUX ARE BUSY ON FEFERI’S FREE THE HELMSMEN CRUSADE AND YEAH, IT’S KIND OF A BIG FUCKING DEAL. CG: AND I GET THAT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A SELFISH, BULGE-FLAPPING ASSHOLE. CG: BUT BEING THE PARANOID FUCKTARD WHO SEES SUPER EXCITING TORTURE FUNTIMES WITH CONDESCE AND FRIENDS ON INFINITE REPEAT EVERY FUCKING TIME I CLOSE MY EYES, I’M STARTING TO GET THIS NUB-TICKLING IDEA THAT SOMETHING MIGHT BE WRONG. CG: I KNOW IT’S STUPID AND I’M PROBABLY STOMPING INTO PALE TERRITORY WITH A PAIR OF STEEL TOE COMBAT BOOTS WITH “FUCK YOU CAPTOR” EMBLAZONED ON THE TREADS BY SAYING IT, BUT THERE IT IS. CG: THE STINKING SHIT PELLET OF TRUTH HAS DROPPED AND IT CANNOT RETURN TO THE WASTE CHUTE FROM WHENCE IT WAS PINCHED. CG: TEREZI, PLEASE. CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

 > to be continued...(?)