#i drew it for the release of the book but failed to get it out on time

[mxlinoe]

"Rudderless, fractured, wild, jealous, impotent..."

-

Lucien Tavelle the man you are.

Details + process under the cut!

Also if youve read this far heres a lucien playlist i made :3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4R3L34YQq9RQWHlcm7HcA8?si=Z3N8hGGLQIW9IlH5KT2-Vg&pi=NHFb0X3JQMyMT

[xomakara]

Private Lesson

SUMMARY | You’re tutoring Yuta in Math but he wants a biology/anatomy lesson instead that leads to sexy time PAIRINGS | Yuta/Fem!Reader GENRE | smut, unprotected sex, fingering, oral sex, dirty talk RATING | Mature LENGTH | 2,788 words AUTHOR’S NOTE | It took awhile but here’s a new one for you all. I hope it turned out okay!

NCT Main Masterlist

"You're doing it wrong, Yuta." You muttered to the man, your chest pressed against his back. You were definitely getting tired of tutoring other trainees and rookies in their studies when you had yourself to worry about.

Especially when you had to tutor your idol boyfriend.

"Well show me the right way, Y/N." Yuta replied back, lifting his head to look at the sultry female hovering above him. He couldn't help but look at the amount of cleavage that was pressed against his back, liking the view very much.

"Really?" You whispered as you worked your hand to lay against his fingers, guiding it over the paper to show him the right way to work the math problem. "You bring this here and carry this over..."

Of course Yuta wasn't paying attention. Well he was, but he was paying attention to something entirely different from the lesson coming from you. When you weren't looking, his eyes went to look you over, taking in your profile. He liked that his girlfriend was curvy in all the right places. But to have this curvaceous creature in his bedroom was practically killing him.

He was dying to do something else than work on math.

"Yah," You looked at him, Yuta looking away. "Are you paying attention?"

"Yes." Yuta muttered, averting his eyes away from you. When you began to sigh and walked towards the window to look outside, Yuta took a sneak-peak at how your jeans conformed entirely to your thighs and your ass. "Damn...you're looking fucking fine..."

"Did you say something?" You asked as you turned your head to him, your brown hair, obviously dyed, swayed and fell back in place behind your back.

"Nope." He muttered, hastily diverting his eyes and glancing at his book.

You knew when Yuta lied. C'mon he was your boyfriend for goodness sake. You rolled your eyes and handed him the pencil. "Then solve the next problem by yourself."

"Y/N, can we go over something else?" Yuta laid his pencil down and looked up at you. "What about the reproductive system?"

"Why?" You looked at him. "You're failing math, not science."

"But the reproductive system is on the next test. And I can't seem to understand the function of a male's penis or a women's vagina." Yuta nonchalantly said, looking upward and pouting. Take the bait, take the bait, he thought to himself.

"You cheeky little bastard." You pointed at him and scowled. "You know perfectly well what a penis and a vagina do."

"No, I don't." He replied, his eyes settling on your cleavage. He looked back up and smirked. "How do you know that I know what those do?"

"We had sex last week, Yuta." You raised your eyebrows and gave him a look.

"Did we?" Yuta asked as he saw the look on his girlfriend's face. "Care to refresh my memory?"

“No.” You muttered, frowning at the grin he gave you.

"Aww, c'mon Y/N." Yuta winked at you as he rose from his seat, making you back up. "Why don't we take a break?"

"Yuta, back off you horny man." You stammered only to be backed up against the wall. "A-a-and why?"

"Because I need it." Yuta drawled out, giving you one of his sexy winks. "C'mon, baby. Why are you denying it?"

He leaned his head down and whispered in your ear. "I just wanna help release all the sexual tension you have. I know you're feeling just as horny as I am."

Before you could say anything, Yuta fastened his lips on your neck, making you jumped in surprise. He drew back, his hands taking yours and led you to a chair. Sitting down, he lifted you to sit in his lap, your legs wide opened and unable to close because of his hands. "Y/N, stop doing that."

"But..."

"Shh...." He whispered. "Trust me."

It didn't take long before he started stroking his hands up and down your body, sending shivers down your spine. It felt amazing, yet dangerous. Just like his hands roaming all over your body did.

And as always, Yuta took control of the situation. While he played with you, Yuta let his tongue run along the base of your throat, nipping at the skin and then sucking on it, bringing more blood flow to the area. His hands slid under your shirt, groping your breasts while you let out small moans.

Once he reached the clasp of your bra, he unhooked it with ease, freeing your breasts. He drew your shirt over your head and threw it, along with your bra, onto to the floor. Slowly, he made his way down, kissing his way from your chin to your collarbone. At first you tried to keep yourself together, to fight back against his advances, but Yuta knew exactly what he was doing. How to tease you, make you beg and moan for more. How to drive you crazy until you could barely stand it anymore. How to put you in such a state where you wanted nothing more than for him to finally touch you.

The air became hot and heavy between the two of you, causing your already sensitive nipples to become harder than ever. Your breathing got heavier as Yuta continued his onslaught, letting his tongue dance around your breast, tasting every inch of you. Yuta sucked on your nipple, lightly nibbling at the peak. Every sensation sent an electric jolt through your entire body, having you quiver in his arms.

You tried to push his shoulders back but Yuta wouldn't budge, so you decided to settle with playing with his hair instead. Stroking the soft locks, running your fingers through them. For some reason, Yuta really seemed to like it, which brought a small smile on your face.

But it didn't last long as Yuta found his way to your other nipple, going for it just as hard as the first time. Before you knew it, he grabbed both your nipples and squeezed, using his mouth to suckle on them, rubbing his teeth on them. His actions caused you to moan louder, writhing in pleasure.

All you could think of was wanting him to fuck you now. To be inside you, filling you with his throbbing erection. Taking you right here, right now, no holds barred. And yet Yuta kept going. Slowing down at times, teasing you with just a few short kisses and licks. Until suddenly you stopped struggling, finding it too damn good to resist any longer.

Yuta chuckled and pulled away, smiling as he watched you struggle with trying to breathe properly again. The sheer desire on your face, the expression that promised that things would get even better.

"Fuck, Yuta..." You sighed out, closing your eyes. "You're killing me."

"Tsk tsk tsk." Yuta chuckled again. "Not yet, Y/N."

You sat there quietly, waiting patiently. And soon enough Yuta was ready to give in to your wants. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he stood up with you still sitting in his lap, carrying you to the bed. As soon as he laid you down, he came over you, kissing you roughly as his hands roamed your body.

He removed your pants and underwear, tossing them aside, leaving you completely naked in front of him. He stared at your flawless figure, his eyes devouring your beauty, as he removed his own clothes. He loved the shape of your hips, the curves of your thighs, your perky breasts. Everything about you, his precious Y/N, was perfect to him.

"Should we have a lesson on foreplay? Cause you're clearly failing at that." Yuta said playfully as he laid his body down on top of yours.

"Shut up." You smiled at him, running your fingers through his messy hair. You leaned up and kissed him, pulling away once you heard him chuckle.

Yuta slowly started to kiss his way down, moving down to your navel. Kissing softly around it, causing goosebumps to form all over your body. He then moved lower, licking at your thighs and making you squirm underneath him. He placed his hand on your stomach, trailing his fingers lightly up your torso, coming to rest on your chest.

"God, your body is so fucking beautiful." Yuta whispered to you as he traced his fingers around your tits, tweaking your nipples. "Can't wait to see them bounce as I make love to you."

His words caused your heart to beat faster and you bucked against him, wanting him to fuck you already. But Yuta kept teasing you, torturing you until you just couldn't take it anymore.

"Yuta, please." You pleaded, needing him to touch you. "Please touch me."

He finally obliged and reached down, gently stroking your clit. You cried out in pleasure, closing your eyes as he ran his finger down the length of your slit, pressing against the entrance of your pussy. You arched your back as he rubbed the hood, making sure to hit your g-spot.

"Y/N, you're so wet." He murmured to you, making you shiver. "You want me to fuck you?"

You nodded frantically, moaning loudly.

"You want me to fuck you so bad, huh?" He asked as he used his index finger to slowly tease your entrance. "Well, do you want me to fuck you hard?"

You gasped as his finger entered your pussy, feeling so good. It felt so good that you thought you were going to cum at any second. With each passing second, Yuta's finger slowly worked its way into you, making you wiggle beneath him. If he kept doing that much longer, you would definitely come.

But Yuta wasn't done with you just yet. Not by a long shot. And as he removed his finger from you, you felt his tongue graze across your swollen clit, making you gasp. You tilted your head back, arching your back, begging him to touch you more. But Yuta didn't oblige immediately. Instead he stuck his middle finger in your mouth, making you gag as you tasted your juices. He then leaned forward and placed another finger in your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself again.

He repeated this action several times, getting his fingers nice and slick with your pussy juice. Once he was satisfied, he placed his mouth back on your pussy, gently sucking on your clit. You squirmed underneath him, wanting him to hurry up and fuck you already. You didn't want him to use his fingers on you. You wanted him to stick his cock inside you, filling you up and thrusting deep inside you. Only to watch you come apart beneath him. Watching your tits sway with every move you made, hearing you scream his name, over and over again.

"Yuta, please..."

Yuta looked up at you, smiling widely as he saw how badly you wanted him. He liked the fact that he could bring this kind of pleasure to you. That he could excite you this much. Seeing the passion burning within your eyes. Seeing the lust glowing brightly in your brown orbs. Seeing you nearly go mad, desperate for him to finally fill you with his hardness.

Yuta then moved his face lower, burying his face between your legs. Gently licking at your pussy, tasting you. And boy, did you taste sweet. It was almost as if you wanted to punish him, but at the same time, you wanted to reward him. Reward him for being such a great lover. One that knows exactly how to make you moan in ecstasy. How to turn you on to the point where you can't think straight anymore. The one who makes you lose your mind with every stroke of his tongue or finger.

Yuta kept up his assault, not stopping for a moment. You wrapped your legs around his head, locking them in place as you tried to grind your pussy against his face. Wanting him to stick his tongue deeper inside you, to plunge his fingers inside your pussy. Anything to feel him even closer to you. To hear you scream his name over and over again. But Yuta didn't give in that easily.

"Fuck, baby."

He withdrew his face from your crotch, pushing himself up. Pushing his erection against your inner thigh, making you moan. He slowly leaned forward, pushing his hips forward. He brushed against your wet folds, sending electricity shooting through your body. "What do you want, Y/N?" He breathed against your neck.

"Y-Yuta...please.." You begged, reaching down to grab his dick. "I need you inside me."

Yuta groaned at the request, smiling as he watched you reach for his member. It was thick and long, curved in such a way that only your tight pussy would fit perfectly. "Don't worry, I'll fill you up in no time."

He grinned again, leaning forward and brushing his lips against yours. As he did so, he gently pushed into you, slowly pushing himself inside of you. The feeling was so good that you moaned, enjoying every single inch of him. But Yuta didn't stop there. He leaned down, capturing your mouth in a heated kiss. He deepened the kiss, thrusting into you harder and harder, making you whimper in delight.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close to you as you kissed him passionately. You felt his hands roaming your back, cupping your ass cheeks, squeezing them. Making you squeal as he continued to thrust inside of you. Every movement, every thrust was so amazing, you didn't know if you could handle it any longer. And yet Yuta didn't seem to be ready to slow down. He went on, thrusting into you, faster and harder. Causing your cries to increase in volume, causing you to wrap your legs around his waist, digging your nails into his skin.

You weren't even aware of when he picked up speed. Or how much harder he was thrusting. But soon enough you felt his hands sliding up your thighs, gripping tightly at your butt. His movements grew wilder and rougher, making you writhe under him. You tried to pull him closer to you, urging him to make you cum. And as if he understood what you needed, he increased his pace. Rubbing your clit hard as he slammed into you. You could feel yourself building up to orgasm quickly, unable to hold off much longer. You bucked against him, not caring about anything else besides the fact that you wanted to cum with him.

"More! Fuck, Yuta! Cum with me!"

And yet Yuta still kept going. Pushing himself further inside of you, thrusting harder than ever before. Hearing you scream his name, over and over again, just sent him over the edge. As he neared climax, he slammed his hips against you, making you scream out loud as he erupted inside of you. Filling you up with his warm seed, giving you everything you needed. Giving you an orgasm so intense that you swore you saw stars. Leaving you breathless and exhausted. You held onto him tightly, sobbing into his chest as you felt him collapse on top of you. You closed your eyes, finding it difficult to catch your breath after having such an incredible orgasm. But all you could do was lie there, enjoying the wonderful sensations coursing through your body.

"Are you alright?" Yuta asked, brushing your bangs out of your face.

"Mmhmm." You answered, nodding. "That was...incredible."

"Told you." Yuta chuckled, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "So how did I do?"

"It wasn't math...." You chuckled. You ran your fingers through his hair. "But you'd pass with flying colors if there was a class on sex."

Yuta laughed at that, shaking his head. "Why don't we continue our lesson later?"

You frowned at him, slightly confused. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Afterwards, after we finish taking care of some business." Yuta smirked at you, letting you know exactly what he meant.

"Oooohhhh....I see." You grinned mischievously, biting your lip. "You do know how to get a girl to say yes, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Yuta responded smugly. "Have you forgotten who I am?"

"Good answer." You winked at him, leaning in and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. You didn't realize it at first, but the sun had gone down, casting shadows over both of you. After the eventful day you had today, you were too tired to bother moving. You simply laid there, holding onto Yuta as he continued to caress your body. Wishing that nothing else would interrupt this moment. That neither of you would wake up in the morning. That this could last forever.

[utilitycaster]

I love that there is a chance that it was Caleb who set Astrid up in the smut shop. Because she ultimately ended up sitting in the back reading a book. But that also implied that Caleb not only messaged Essek about playing taxi to Aeor but also told him to fetch his ex along the way. The implications of that conversation amuse me greatly. "too busy to do that stuff, can you get them there for me? Also Astrid probably has info. She's currently hiding out in my favourite smut shop and will likely be skittish. Good luck"

So here's the thing, I'm really wondering what's going on because I would think that if Caleb set Astrid up there...he'd be able to say "hey, by the way, I'm sending Essek and a group of adventurers your way, this is the passcode" and handle this all peacefully. Astrid, as an Assembly member, should be scry-proof, and even if her items failed in the solstice she probably would be casting Nondetection or something on the regular.

I suppose it might be a case of plausible deniability (recall that Essek was initially revealed because Caleb sent Frumpkin to spy on his conversation with Ludinus - a mundane or Find Familiar spy wouldn't be foiled by anti-magic fields). But I do wonder if this was more of an "oh, Caleb mentioned this Zadash smut shop that held contraband once at a slightly awkward dinner party 3 years ago; perhaps they'd be sympathetic to a defector given that they carry seditionist drow erotica" situation from Astrid and Caleb and Beau figured it out via good old fashioned Expositor work, a lot of knowledge of Astrid as a person, and sky-high investigation scores.

(kind of a tangent here but I also really do wonder where Astrid falls, exactly, re: her feelings about the current Assembly, because part of why I love her is that she's portrayed as very sympathetic and clearly abused and manipulated by Trent - but she also does take the role of Assembly member very quickly and is very ambitious. Eadwulf is religious and dedicated to the Raven Queen no less so I would assume his position is clear, but I've always wondered if Astrid feels resentment that Eadwulf was able to find some solace and meaning in fate and faith when she couldn't, and if this defection for her is less about the broader anti-god ideology and more 'hey, uh, releasing Predathos is fucking BAD and also I have A Thing about murder cults as an ex-Volstrucker." Hell, Vess DeRogna, who was canonically evil and pretty terrible towards people, still drew the line at releasing the Somnovem. For that matter I also really wonder who else of the Assembly has defected since Uludan is good-aligned and Oremid Hass just gives off the vibe of someone who wouldn't be interested. We haven't met Margolin but I wouldn't be shocked if he's gone along; Doolan Tversky probably is PSYCHED by the Reilora and is fully on board, and I assume Jenna Iresor is not one for rocking the boat. We don't even know who's in the Archmage of Antiquity role now!)

[box-architecture]

"Give him back." Punz snarled.

Niki gave him a hard stare, and drew her scimitar to faintly graze Dream's neck.

Some part of Punz wanted to fixate on the many scars that were already littered there, the marks of his imprisonment, and how this one would be another proof of his failure. (He wouldn't beg for the forgiveness he didn't deserve.)

Instead, he let the red inside him burn like a wildfire, until the vines snaked around his figure and prepared to strike out should Niki dare to go through with her madness.

"Release the Syndicate." She spoke hard as stone. "Release Techno, and Philza, and Ranboo and Puffy. Give me my friends back."

Dream's gaze flickered to behind Punz, where the individuals in question were trying and failing to twist themselves out of the vines' grasp. Philza was unconscious, his left wing snapped in half, and it seemed like Techno was furiously trying to claw his way to get to him.

Punz didn't care about them. They were only being dealt with at all because of their attempts to destroy the Egg. Even now he felt Its presence insisting to not give in, let the woman think she's won by killing him. You can bring him back, and laugh at her naivety.

It would be the objectively best play. He had the revival book waiting in his inventory. One reversible death for the entire Syndicate taken. Checkmate.

Dream's neck was beginning to bleed. He didn't look particularly pained or fearful, only a tired resignation that left a painful lump in their throat.

Of course. Dream had already deduced the best play to make, and had accepted his coming death. He wasn't even looking at Punz, gazing listlessly off in what might have been Techno's direction, or maybe at a wall. What was a little more pain to a man who had been experiencing it for months?

Punz felt sick.

"Give him to me," they said hoarsely. "And you can have them all."

Dream jerked the tiniest bit in Niki's arms, confusion bordering on disbelief. Blood ran down his collar. Punz's nails dug their way into their palms.

"My friends first, so I know you won't double cross me." Niki replied tersely.

She could double cross him too, leave Dream dead in a puddle of blood, but then no one would be leaving the chamber alive. "…Fine."

Instantly, like scruffed kittens the Syndicate was brought over and dropped at her feet, left to regain their own bearings however they chose. Niki slowly released her hold on Dream, and the moment the blade was away from his neck, a large vine wrapped around his waist to lift him up and snatch him away, cradling him like a treasure as he was returned to Punz's open arms.

"Punz." Was the first word out of his lover's mouth as he hugged them back, perfect and warm and safe. His cheek rested on their head, and Punz couldn't help but sink into him, ignoring the other people in the room in favor of making up for the few minutes he had lost.

"Dream." They murmured.

"Wait- hrg- Dream!" Techno called, raising himself to his feet with Philza’s body in tow. Puffy tugged at his cloak, offering to take the man from his grasp, and he let her, staggering in the direction of Punz and their treasure. Dream stiffened in their arms. "What happened? I came to get you out after I escaped, but the prison was empty. Are you alright?"

"…I'm fine." Dream pressed his body closer to Punz's. He seemed to be going for careful neutrality, but he couldn't quite manage it, a bitter misery bleeding through. "You were a bit late for a rescue, but Punz managed just fine."

Techno's eyes flicked back and forth between the two, before lingering on the firm hand Punz had on Dream's waist. "Is that so? That's good, that's good of them. Glad you're out now, wasn't too safe in there for you."

Dream nodded mutely, uncaring of the blood of his neck muddying his skin.

"It didn't cost much, did it?" Techno continued, and suddenly those piercing eyes were locked on Punz's form. "I know mercenaries can charge a lot, but I'm a rich guy, Dream. I can pay it off, since I was late to get you. It's only fair."

Punz didn't like that, didn't like anything about this conversation at all. The vines in the room began to move again.

"…What do you want, Technoblade?" Dream asked, sounding incredibly tired.

"Just looking out for my bestie, that's all." Techno assured him. "You always have a place with the Syndicate, you know. We'd keep you safe, no matter who's after you."

It was hardly subtle. Punz bristled, both at the implication that he'd ever be Dream's enemy, and at the idea that he wasn't good enough protection. How dare he? He hadn't even properly payed back his debt to Dream, much less had the right to arrogance to claim he could do better.

Dream touched his shoulder. Punz forced himself to relax. He wouldn't worry his treasure.

"Leave." He ordered. The vines began to push the Syndicate back, towards the large oak doors.

"Wait!" Techno tried to push forward, failing as he had when he was captured. The Syndicate was near flung through the doors, Puffy taking the brunt of it for Philza, and Ranboo tripping over himself and landing in a heap. Punz felt a scrap of pity for the enderman who was partially their friend, but it was overridden by Niki helping him up.

"Do what you want to get to the Egg," Punz said firmly. "But leave me and Dream out of it."

"Dream, wait!" Technoblade's voice held alarm and fear, but it wasn’t Punz's concern. With a flick of his fingers, the vines slammed the door. The large bang of a fist sounded from behind it, but it went unanswered.

[catbountry]

It's been a year since the premiere of Trigun: Stampede. The series, despite the fears of the fans of the '98 anime, actually turned out really good; Yasuhiro Nightow is a big superhero comics nerd, and wanted to have this new anime adaption be an adaption similar to the adaptions of the MCU, back when those movies were consistently enjoyable, and I daresay a bunch of the people watched Trigun probably were either already anime fans, or they were nomad fans who may have been really into the MCU at one point.

I have a lot of thoughts on an American perspective on Vash the Stampede as a character, with a lot of comparisons to American comic book superheroes. And while Trigun wasn't my first anime, I was hooked on it, as someone who grew up around Batman and Spawn's 90's popularity. During my first Otakon in 2001, I must have seen a dozen Vash's and Wolfwoods. I remember the year there was a Wolfwood cosplayer whose Punisher gun was shaped like the Star of David instead of a cross, making him a rabbi. That shit was amazing. The larger point is that I've loved this character for more than half of my entire time being alive, and I haven't seen a lot of discussion of Trigun viewed from a more political lens, and why it resonates so much with Americans (or at least me, who is an American) in particular.

Buckle up, kids, this is gonna be long and rambly.

There was a period of time where I watched nearly every single new MCU movie in the theater. It was exciting seeing adaptions of comic books that would have probably never gotten a movie before the success of The Avengers. And I don't think it's a mistake that the most comic book-y of the movies are usually the best; Guardians of the Galaxy and its sequel remain as probably my favorite MCU movies. Nightow was working directly with the studio making a new Trigun anime and reportedly got the crew to watch a bunch of Marvel movies to set the tone for the anime as an adaption; it's why Vash got a completely new redesign that freaked all us old fans the fuck out. Though it appears that once again, Trigun tried and failed to get that massive Japanese audience that most successful anime have. But boy, oh boy, do us westerners fucking love Trigun, especially us Americans. Nightow's love of superhero comics bled into Trigun, and it just so happened that he was incredibly influenced by Spawn, Hellboy and Batman as much as he was influenced by Akira Toriyama and mechanical art. McFarlane Toys released a Vash figure that is McFarlane'd the fuck up. Nightow loves all superhero comics but especially the Blade trilogy.

Just look at this and imagine being 13 years old and seeing this on a screen for the first time with the instrumental hard rock opening.

Also, I wouldn't actually get around to reading Spawn until I was an adult, but you know what? It's pretty good. The writing is definitely weaker than the art, but holy shit, that art goes hard and I still think that shit's cool as fuck.

As stated before, around the early 2000's Trigun was considered peak anime, though it's been more overlooked in recent years in favor of Cowboy Bebop, an anime that has aged gracefully by comparison. But while Bebop has that sort of timeless cool and level of quality that drew the attention of filmmakers like the Wachoski sisters, Trigun has that very specific kind of adolescent sense of coolness that comic book fans get, especially back in the 90's before this sort of thing would be smothered to death by MCU's Joss Whedoning of superheroes. Spawn, Hellboy and Batman are still cool. And Trigun also has a shitton of guns, obviously, given that Vash being an incredibly OP gunslinger in a world where everybody has guns.

And America loves guns.

I think the contrast of Vash's pacifism while still wielding a gun is extremely interesting because it's not something you see very much (I bet if I watched more westerns, I'd have a better idea if this is a trope in them at all). Batman does not use guns and doesn't kill people, which is why there's still discourse around Tim Burton's Batman films to this day still; I don't think Kevin Smith has budged on this. Other more morally grey superheroes will use guns (by this definition I'm counting The Punisher even if he doesn't have any superpowers, unless you count severe PTSD as a superpower). And a lot of them had huge surges in popularity in the 90's around the time Nightow was making Trigun. Vash posed like Batman or Spider-Man looking brooding (like the gif above) happens a lot in the earlier issues even though that's not really his character.

Several years ago, there was an attempt by a conservative thinktank to discredit a bunch of Hollywood actors saying that gun violence in America is a serious issue and contrasted their statements scenes of them shooting guns in movies, but if we're being real here, gunplay in movies can be really fucking cool. Again I invoke The Matrix, or movies by Robert Rodriguez and John Woo. Look at video games, and compare the decline in violent crime that's been happening here since the 70's and 80's, as culture warriors bemoan movies and video games for becoming more violent. Remember when Wayne LaPierre, vice president of the NRA, brought up fucking Splatterhouse as a reason why Sandy Hook happened? Do you know what Splatterhouse looks like?

It looks like this.

You know how these guys constantly say the only way to counter a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun? Usually, the inference is that if the "good guy" with a gun shoots, he's shooting to kill. Deadpool and the Punisher would shoot to kill. But Vash is constantly trying to avoid it. And I remember as a teenager finding that really cool? And the manga and anime don't shy away from how impractical Vash's pacifism is. It's a bit more realistic than Steven Universe's ending, but also Steven Universe was made for children.

I know Avatar: The Last Airbender is often invoked when criticizing Steven Universe's philosophy, but I haven't really seen Vash's similar philosophy criticized in the same way, and I think a lot of that has to do with the presence of Wolfwood, who is the "I think we're gonna have to kill this guy" guy. I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen art of this yet. I may have to get on that. I already drew Vash horrified at the Trolley Problem.

Vash is a character designed with maximum coolness in mind, but also an overpowered being who is capable of killing millions, and in the anime, he somehow destroys July City without killing anyone directly, but the destruction of the city led to a bunch of people dying. He's so deeply committed to not wanting to kill anyone that he's probably killed more people than he would have if he just shot Knives. The best Batman stories acknowledge that Batman's refusal to kill Joker has similarly results in the deaths of people Batman could have prevented if he killed one guy, and this could also apply to Vash's relationship with his brother Knives, who was kind of destined to be a mass murderer with a name like that, let's be real.

Online, we tend to joke about bringing out the guillotines, or justify not feeling an sympathy for billionaires who die in a sub trying to view the Titanic. But if you were given a gun and a real human person begging for their life, what would you actually do? Do you honestly think that you would be the ethical Death Note user?

Vash has guns but he chooses not to kill people; he prefers to not even use them unless he has to, instead opting to run away and look cool doing it somehow.

He really, really doesn't want to kill people. He doesn't become numb to people dying. It hurts him every single time he watches someone get killed. In reality, most of us that aren't sociopaths would be distressed at the thought of killing someone. The only reason armies in real life work is that they become inoculated to the idea of violence and dehumanize the enemy. Vash is no soldier. He is idealistic, he is empathetic, and he sees every human being as a person worthy of life. Batman refuses to use guns, as that's how his parents were killed in front of him. Vash has to use guns in order to protect people from getting killed. He has the ethics of Superman but the tools of a comic book antihero. He's the logical conclusion of an shonen anime protagonist in a world that chews up anyone with that kind of optimism and hope and spits them out. And yet... he still keeps going. He remains committed. He's still cheery, goofy, lovable Vash.

Batman used to kill people, in the earliest comics. With the Comics Code Authority, superheroes could no longer kill people. In the 80's, comics were getting darker and edgier, taken more seriously. While Alan Moore's Watchmen delved into the moral complexities in a world with superheroes that was similar to ours, Frank Miller was keeping Batman consistent, even as Gotham got darker and uglier.

Batman is a vigilante. The police can be helpful or they can fuck up everything, depending on what's needed for the story. In Batman Year One, there's a scene where Batman crashes a party attended by the elites of Gotham, politicians and mobsters mingling.

Seeing this during the Bush presidency blew my mind. I don't want to get into just how perfectly the members of his administration seemed to resemble a rogue's gallery of sorts with the shared goals of making a lot of money and bombing the shit out of Iraq and Afghanistan. I was extremely anti-war even before the 2000 election as a very opinionated 14 year-old watching, Jon Stewart on The Daily Show and feeling relieved that a grown-up was able to see through all the bullshit; it helps when the guy who's against the war and killing people is funny. I remember writing in my diary at 12 years old after Columbine happened that I wanted to take all of the guns and melt them down in a pot, similarly to that scene in Superman IV where he throws the entire world's nuclear arsenal into the sun. But also that same year I would fall in love with The Matrix... and not long after that, Trigun.

Again, we come back to the idea of someone using a gun, a weapon designed to kill people, and using it in pursuit of the exact opposite. That resonated with me. I myself was very idealistic, and the political climate of my teenage years seemed to do almost everything to stamp that out of me. Things feel just as fraught two decades later, but in slightly different ways. Pacifism is looked down upon, as indicated by the backlash to the ending of Steven Universe, and how one crazy lady called Rebecca Sugar, a Jewish person, a Nazi for writing it that way. But for Steven, things worked out. For Vash? Well, he still has hope somehow, despite everything. I think the fact that he strives to protect human life, even when someone is a complete monster, is admirable in that it cuts to the very basic desire to not see people hurt. But we're also selfish, and scared, and sometimes it's hard to conceive of a solution to a problem that doesn't involve violence. Seeing dead bodies on TV or the internet upsets us, but we're often paralyzed by feeling like we can't do anything, and even if we tried, we'd likely perish in the attempt. We desire revenge, punishment for those who transgress by inflicting violence, and we can rationalize using it against the right targets. Vash the Stampede would have a fucking breakdown dealing with the state-backed violence that's been a part of geopolitics pretty much as long as there have been states and geopolitics. Vash would try and solve the bombings of Gaza with an impassioned plea for both sides to stop fighting before he would somehow wind up making things worse and it would eat away at him inside, no matter how brave a face he puts on as he tries to find some kind of hope in a hopeless situation. And... you know what? I kind of wish more people would be like that. Maybe if there were enough people like that, these sorts of things wouldn't happen in the first place. I wish more people could look at human suffering and feel compelled to try and stop it, not discriminating against one side or the other, trying to understand why people are doing what they do. Seeing anti-war protestors in Tel Aviv brings back memories of protests against the start of the War on Terror, and how hated America was internationally during those years, even when most Americans approved of the war. Michael Moore was booed at the Oscars for condemning George W. Bush and the War on Terror. It's terrifying that those in power want us killing each other and have conditioned us to support it. I want so badly for human beings to come together to just stop the violence, but it feels impossible, like we're destined for failure, like we might somehow make things worse or become worse versions of ourselves full of hatred and ugliness. But we should want to try, even if it's hard or unprofitable or we have no idea how to even do it. Somebody actually dedicating themselves to trying to fight our violent impulses out of love is appealing, and if they're more powerful than us, and can do more... well, I want the biblically accurate angel with every mental illness willing to martyr himself over and over again. But it is more fun when he's Bugs Bunny about it.

[angelofthepage]

The DCTL Graphic Novel is right around the corner!

https://www.indigo.ca/en-ca/dreams-come-to-life-bendy-graphic-novel-1/9781339032276.html

https://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Come-Bendy-Graphic-Novel/dp/1339032279

The graphic novel for Dreams Come to Life releases on August 6th, 2024. That said, I've received word that some people have received their copies early. For everyone reading this in the future, today is July 23rd. 2024. Once again, Scholastic has failed the challenge of releasing their book when they said they would. XD

So this is your reminder to go mute and block the tags related to the graphic novel/DCTL if you don't want to see it/don't want to be spoiled on what the pages look like. For those of you partaking in the book, please be considerate and tag your spoilers, or at the very least, warn people upfront that you won't be tagging spoilers so they can curate their feed accordingly. As per usual, if you spoil the book for me, you're getting blocked. This is one I am particularly tender about, as the original DCTL getting spoiled for me because of early release copies is a big part of why I'm so insistent about curating and being considerate about spoilers. So please, respect my wishes. I don't want any spoilers, impression, nada, nothing, zip, zilch. I will talk about the book when I have read it and am ready to discuss.

I know we already know the story of this book, but a lot of people want to see the art for the first time themselves (something many of us were robbed of when the Crack Up Comics came out and everyone was reposting the pages). Especially when so many of our favorite characters are being rendered in human form for the first time. As a reminder, these are the game characters that show up in this book in its original version:

Joey Drew Sammy Lawrence Norman Polk Thomas Connor Allison Pendle Bertrum Piedmont Wally Franks Ink Demon Boris Cartoon Mascot Costumes

I know there's likely to be a lot of discourse over this book, especially in regards to its character designs. So to end this post, here's a reminder: regardless of how this graphic novel chooses to interpret the characters, you are still allowed to design the Bendy cast however you want. Adrienne Kress, the original novel author, has very directly encouraged fans to design these characters however they like and have fun. Do not harass anyone because of how they choose to draw and interpret fictional characters. Not everything has to be perfectly in line with what we're given to be valid. Let's keep it civil. Here's wishing you all a fun time with the book when it releases!

[goblincow]

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:6 — a funeral playlist for the end of the world

"From hours spent picking out songs for beloved characters to scoring ambient reading, music is actually quite a significant part of the broader culture of tabletop roleplaying games."

[cutting it close to the wire with this one because my niece wanted me to play monopoly today]

[as a bonus this is the shockingly accurate sonic she drew for my dad's birthday]

A release calendar, for the sickos among us (thank you kindly):

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:1 — What is Mörk Borg? (01/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:2 — Interlude I of II — Rules Light, Vibes Heavy (05/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:3 — Cultivating Mörk Borg (09/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:4 — Digging Deep in Graves Left Wanting (13/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:5 — The Vigorous Undeath of Mörk Borg (17/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:6 — Interlude II of II — A Funeral Playlist for the End of the World (21/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | 7:7 — Life Locked and Failing in a Dark Fort (25/10)

GREEN MILK | #007 | ?:? — Burn the Book (29/10)

GREEN MILK | #008 | Save vs Despair — Mörk Borg: a Holistic Retrospective (02/11)

[lapis-tarta]

Sweet Confessions: Giorgio x Reader (Valentine's Day Special)

Well well well.... It's valentine's day.... I'm single... I think we know where I'm getting at... LET'S DO THIS!

Warnings: FLUFF!!!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Aaaahhh... It's that day of the year, the day when everything is so.... Red and sweet.

Everyone tries their best to show their significant other how much they love them. Maybe by giving them gifts, scheduling super romantic dates or by doing something special about them, everything counts!

The clock strikes midnight, that can only mean two things: First, it's time to wake up and two it's officially Valentine's day!

This time Pip's sketchbook laid open on the floor. She was sketching something on her bed but eventually fell asleep and accidentally pushed it to the floor.

Albie blinked her eyes and slowly got out of Pip's sketchbook page. She was the first to wake up since Pip was drawing her before going to sleep. Her eyes wided in astonishment.

"Oh! Look at the new valentine's outfit Pip drew me! It's so sweet!" She exclaimed cheerfully and did a little spin.

Winn was the next one to come to life.

"Woooo! It's nice! Pip really knows how to draw you the most amazing dresses!" She stated with excitement as she took a bite of her cupcake which had a little strawberry at the top. "Do you think Pip is excited for Valentine's day? That's why she drew you with a themed dress?" She asked as she was swallowing her bite.

"Hmm I'm not sure..." Albie stated and lifted her finger up to her chin.

"«Maybe she's excited to see the valentine themed episode her favourite anime series will release .»" Sousuke interrupted, making Albie and Winn jump slightly. No one noticed him waking up, sneaking must be he's best subject at ninja school.

And that's when you joined them, you woke up and saw them talking.

"Hey guys!" You greeted happily, waiving your hand.

"Oh hey, Y/n! How did you sleep?" Albie asked noticing you.

"I slept good- woo! What an amazing dress!" You complimented her noticing the new dress.

"Oh thanks! Yea looks like valentine's day really inspired Pip." She agreed and spinned one more time in her beautiful outfit.

"Valentine's day...? ... Oh Lord..." You said realising something "It's valentine's day? Dang it!" You said as you slightly panicked. You were kinda new to human's celebrations and you certainly weren't good at memorising dates.

"Is..Everything okay Y/n?" Winn asked confused.

"«Maybe she just wanted to do something for Giorgio and forgot that today was valentine's day»" Sousuke suggested but no one gave him attention, causing him to pout.

"Mm... Did you want do something for Giorgio?" Albie asked sympathetically.

"«THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!»" Sousuke complainted.

"Oh Noo, no no, of course not i... umm" You tried to excuse yourself and failed miserably. Winn smirked and answered you.

"Ha, yea nice try. You two act really sweet around each other, it's obvious. You're the only one that he makes the effort to help around the room, not to mention how flirty he is with you." Winn explained while chewing another bite of her cupcake.

Your face became a blushing mess. Albie putted her hand gently on your shoulder making you look into her green eyes.

"Hey don't be embarrassed, i think it's very sweet!" She said smiling gently at you. She always had a way of making your worries fade away and feel at ease. "Why don't we try to find something that you can do for him."

"«Maybe we can use something from here!»" Sousuke said speeding up to the sketchbook and flipping the pages to help you understand what he was saying.

"What about this?" Winn asked pointing at a page that had some cooking tools and ingredients drawn in it. Pip really loves baking and she tried her best to draw everything she could from one of her favourite fictional books,« the magical bakery.»

"is there a better gift than a dessert? Like Donuts? Cupcakes?*GAAASP* Waffles with chocolate ice cream?!! so many choices!" She exclaimed excited, licking her lips at the thought of her favourite desserts. "No wonder valentine's day is so big of a deal, who wouldn't want a day dedicated to chocolate."

"Hah, not gonna lie, you're right" You agreed smiling.

"Let's Go! Sousuke, you're coming too! This will be fun" Winn grabbed you by the hand and led you away as Sousuke followed.

"Albie! please make sure to keep Giorgio distracted until we're done, thanks, I can't hear you anymore, love ya, BYE!" you shouted.

Albie crossed her arms and shook her head while watching you get up to the main desk. She walked back to the sketchbook and turned to the page that Pip left it, but she noticed something odd.. Giorgio wasn't in his page. "Oh no!" She said shocked, putting her hands over her mouth with a concerned expression. "What if he's already at the desk? Damn You Detective of disaster! You never bother to wake up early! Why now?" And with that Albie started looking around for Giorgio. As she went under Pip's bed, she found him walking in circles.

"huh, look who decided to wake up first." Albie commented, making her presence known.

"Huh? Oh hey Albie, didn't know you woke up. Well what can i say, a romance detective such a my self needs to wake up early every now and then, to stay active." He stated confidently, with his one hand inside his pocket and the other caressing through his blond hair. "Do you happen to know if the others are awake?"

"Oh ye-NO!- no, their asleep." She quickly corrected herself and putted her hands behind her back. "Why do you ask?"

"Aa, no reason, just out of curiosity!" He answered trying to sound as sure as he could.

"Mhhmmmm..." Albie smirked at him. "Does it have anything to do with the fact that it's valentine's day? Why did you made the effort to wake up so early?"

Giorgio was caught off guard and got defensive. "You're an awful guesser Albie, i just happened to be woken up by Weaboo's barking. Besides how would i happen to know that it is valentine's day? Is it Valentine's day?" He stopped rumbling and looked at Albie who had her arms crossed, shaking her head implying that she wasn't buy it.

" Fine don't believe me. It's not like it's valentine's day, my BRILLIANT mind is full of ideas- which are all also brilliant if i might add-but I'm rejecting every one of them."

Albie looked at him concerned. "What exactly are you talking about?"

"Well Obviously I'm the sexiest character on my video game, ladies can't resist my charm! It's in my nature to be the expert of romance!" He explained while he made a confident pose with his one hand on his waist and the other gently grasping his hat with his thumb and index finger. "But I'm finding myself thinking which idea would be suitable. Obviously not flowers, way to cliché."

Yea Giorgio could be an other thinker sometimes. In fact he knew valentine's day was coming three weeks now!(That's the most busiest day at his game arc too, he knows damn well when valentine's day is) But this time he was afraid to be cliché.

Like 'oh i could give her flowers! Mmm... would she liked that? blah no, don't get me wrong i would be perfect while doing it, but she won't like them.'

"Is the great «Ace romance Detective» doubting himself? She teased him smirking. "Don't worry I'm sure she's gonna love anything you do for her. You need to show her that you are not just fooling around. I'm sure she likes you back.Plus.." she signaled him to get closer. "Flowers are a beautiful gesture! It may be old and common but it's still really sweet!" She giggled.

~~MeAnWHilE~~

"WINN, NO!" You shouted at Winn as she was adding to much flour to the bowl you had in your embrace.

"Why not?" Winn questioned confused.

"Those ingredients are inspired by Pip's favourite book, which by the way, is called «The Magic bakery.»!! We don't know what magic abilities all those ingredients have!"

"«That's what I've been S A Y I N G!"» Sousuke shouted, clearly annoyed.

"What are we making again?" Winn asked curiously.

"Umm.. it's called «Strawberry Cake of.. passion?? i don't know, something like that."

"« How much time should i blend the mix for the strawberry icing?»" Sousuke asked. He was the one responsible for the strawberry frosting, while you made the the cake.

"...9 minutes?" You answered, but it ended up sounding more like a question.

"« you're lucky i have strong arms...»" Sousuke sighed.

"« Thanks buddy, i really appreciate your help." You said as you poured the mix to a platform for a cake. "Thank God these ingredients are magical and this will be ready in five minutes." You stated relieved as your legs gave in the tiredness, making you sit down Infront of the stone with the cake in it, keeping you warm.

"Hah, are you tired, Y/n?" Winn asked walking close to you.

"Only if i remembered that today is valentine's day, i would've been ready and you guys wouldn't have to go through all this paranoia for me." You said looking up at her. "Or i would've accepted the fact that all this is pointless, hah."

"what are you talking about?" Winn asked confused and sat atop of the stone, cross-legged. " I can already see his dump founded face, in my head, when he sees your gift!"

You smiled up at her. "AND, i love baking!!" Winn added with a wide smile.

"«Yea, this i like an exercise for me! Let me know if you'll ever need me again»" Sousuke said smiling at you.

You returned the smile and opened your arms. "Group hug?"

"Group Hug!" "«Group hug!»" Both of them said at the same time and hugged you.

Once the cake was ready you started spreading the strawberry frosting atop of it. But suddenly it stared inflating.

"Uuumm... Why is this-" You started questioning but you were cut of by a loud boom sound. You all didn't move a muscle. . . Did the cake just exploded?

"«what just happened?»" Sousuke asked confused.

".....you don't think it's because of the too much magical flour i added... Hah Right?" Winn asked you looking away.

".....yea i do think that...." You slowly answered, without taking your eyes away from the spot where the cake laid before exploding like a dynamite. Thank god the explosion was for people at your size and the sound didn't reach Pip's ears.

"Well let's see..." Winn exclaimed and started licking her arm to taste the cake.

"«Should we start by cleaning up the place or ourselves?»" Sousuke asked while trying to clean himself up.

"Everything is gonna be okay, let's start by finding some . . . Oh no ."

You stared shocked at Pip's Hop figures... To be honest, one specifically. Giorgio's. It was covered in strawberry frosting and vanilla Cake. Since it was the one closer to the explosion, it was the only one to get dirty.

"Is everything okay?" you heard a familiar voice coming close. You turned around to see Albie and Giorgio standing at the edge of the desk, probably because they just arrived. They looked shocked, trying to process the view infront of them.

"Are you guys alright?" Albie asked concerned, walking up to you check you all.

"Ya I'm fine! Being cover in strawberry cake is probably the best thing that has happened to me this year!" Winn answered giggling.

As Giorgio looked around the area to see what has been covered in icing, he noticed his Hop figure being super dirty.

"Oh dear God!" He exhaled running Infront of his idol figure.

"I... I'm sorry, it was an accident!" You tried to explain, while nervousness was crawling all over your body. " I was just-"

"YOU did this?" Giorgio asked completely surprised.

"I...." You had no idea what to say.

Giorgio's face got serious and turned to his figure, making an effort to clean it up. "..it's okay.." That came off a bit too cold.

"Giorgio I'm sooo so so so so sorry i didn't mean to-"

-"..i said it's fine.."

"i can help you clean it up-"

-" it's fine y/n.."

"Here, I'll do it, let me-"

-" Y/N! Let. It. Go"

You took a few steps behind in realization. Some tears started forming on your eyes but you did your best to wipe them away. That wasn't much help sense there kept coming more. "I.. I'm so sorry.." you said with your voice breaking and you quickly walked away. You wanted to make him a gift, but you ended up covering his favourite thing in cake.

Your voice crack didn't go unnoticed by Giorgio, making him think about his reaction.

"You know..." Winn walked up to Giorgio. " She was just trying to make you something for valentine's day. She really putted a lot effort into that."

Giorgio's blue eyes were taken away from Winn and back to where you stood before running away.

-------

You sat at the at the edge on one of Pip's shelves, looking down at her room, while you were covered in cake, strawberry frosting and salty tears.

You snuffled while hugging your knees.

"Hey there." You heard the voice of the one person that you didn't want to face but at the same time you so desired to find you.

You looked up to meet his ocean blue eyes and then immediately look away.

"*shuffle* hey..."

He sat down beside you and smiled. "Some nice view you have here."

"I so sorry, i promise it wasn't my intention to mess up your Hop figure. I'll clean it-" you whimpered until you were eventually interrupted by him.

"Oh shushhh, it's all good, girl. My figurine is impossible to make less beautiful. Plus, after i clean it up, the strawberry scent will make it even more engaging, don't you think?" He asked smiling at you.

You looked up at him with teary eyes. "You sure?"

He chucked. "Don't get me wrong i love my Hop figure as much as i love myself, and that means A LOT, BUT.." he turned to look at you. "I think I'll survive this tragic accident for your sake." He answered and winked at you.

You looked at him in surprise but then for some reason you silently cried, touching the side of your face to his chest so you wouldn't have to look at him.

"Now why all these tear? Everything's fine doll! shhhh, everything's fine, your handsome detective is here." He reassured you, making a little laugh come out of your mouth among your cries. He smirked while his gloved hand rubbed your back.

Once your cries quiet down, he continued to talk.

"Soo what happened that caused this cinematic explosion down there?." He asked looking down at your head.

"I..." You started talking and avoided his eyes. "I wanted to make something for you, for valentine's day, and we found this book with magical recipes Pip drew, so i tried to bake you a cake..."

"Really? All this fuss to make ME a cake? For valentine's day?" He asked and he theatrically putted a hand over he's chest, implying that he was deeply touched.

You turned your head to look at him and shook your head in agreement.

"You're too sweet to me, beautiful." He added smiling softly at you.

You blushed and looked away. "Well, it was a disaster, you never even got the chance to taste it! Maybe it's better that way, it was probably awful." You commented and looked down at your hands.

After a two seconds, you felt something on you cheek. Giorgio gave you a kiss while tasting some of the strawberry cake that covered your cheek due to the explosion. Your soul left your body!

"Mmm, strawberry vanilla cake. It's good. " He commented. "You didn't tell me you had the world's best baking skills other than the world's prettiest face." He flirted.

You just stayed there with your face unbelievably red, unable move muscle.

" i-I... I didn't..."

" Looks like you've been keeping secrets from me, doll face." He uttered, raising his brows.

"Let's get back to the others... They probably need help to clean up." You suggested embarrassed as you stood up and went to climb down, but you felt a hand grab yours.

"Not so quickly!" He said before pulling you close to him. "What kind of a romance detective would i be if i didn't repay you for this tasteful gift of yours." He said brushing his blond hair with his gloved hand before offering it to you with a theatrical bow. "May i have this dance?"

You blushed before taking his hand and smiled like a fool. Your right hand was captured by his, the left one was resting over his shoulder while his other hand hugged your waist.

"I don't know how to dance, though." You warned him nervously.

"Oh, that's not a problem. I'll lead." He reassured you before starting to move you around.

"Does that mean I'm forgiven about... You know, your figurine." You asked looking away from his blue eyes.

"Mmm.. let me see..." He tried to look deep in thought while he was still smiling. "I guess i could forgive you...." He teased as he spinned you, making you giggle.

"Is there another secret you're keeping from me, beautiful?" He questioned smirking at you and dipped you theatrically with his firm hold on your waist, making you lock eyes with him.

You didn't know how to respond to that, and tried to look away nervously, only for his index finger to gently touch your jaw and turn your face back to him."Now now, don't leave me waiting like that."

He gave you a confident smile while he waited for your response. How were you supposed to make words come out of your mouth at a state like that?

"I... have developed feelings for you... Romantic feelings?" You muttered and nervousness was written all over your face.

Giorgio's hear blew up like a firework at the words that shyly came out of your mouth.

He tried to put you at ease with his humour."*Gasp* how dare you? What a tragic crime!" He teased, and you giggled at his joke. "Don't tell me you also committed the crime of not realising i love you too..."

You looked at him surprised while he gazed at you with one of his brows raised. "Hm.. look's like it.. let me fix that"

His gloved hand caressed your cheek and his thumb moved all the frosting from your cheek over your lips before kissing you deeply.

You were shocked but slowly melted into the kiss smiling.

Finally he lifted you back into a standing position, causing you to laugh. When you opened your eyes, Giorgio's ocean eyes were still on you. "Y/n will you be my partner?"

He extended his hand to you, and offered you a red rose. Your breath was caught in your throat.

"Aaw, of course Giorgio!" you took the rose in your hands before giving him a tight hug with your hands around his neck.

Surprisingly that caught Giorgio off guard. He may be a man that knows how to receive flirt, but he never got that kind of care.

He wrapped his arms around your waist to lift you and spin you around. "Huh, aren't you a cuddle-bug."

His confident smile came back with a chuckle and he held you even tighter, snuggling his head under your jaw, "I think i could get used to that."

---------------------------------------------------

[dailycharacteroption]

Conversion Corner: Even More Castlevania Spells part 5

Bible Subweapon

It’s no secret that given the focus on vampires and their folklore, that Castlevania has a lot of symbolism borrowed from Christianity. However, the relationship the franchise has with the religion varies from being useful symbolic shorthand, (Which to be fair, Japan does a lot with even their own native religions like Shinto) to actually commenting on the failings of the church in the real world in more plot-heavy games and of course the anime series.

So much like the cross, and holy water, there is also the bible (or Grimoire or Holy Book, if you prefer) as a sub-weapon available to several Belmonts and other characters throughout Castlevania’s history.

When used, this sub weapon either orbits the character and deals rapid-fire damage to foes that get too close, or it instead spirals out from a single point, dealing similar rapid-fire damage in a quickly increasing area before it runs it’s course.

Since I am most familiar with the latter version, I’ll be basing today’s spell on that.

Plenty of fiction exists where a holy book is a literal weapon against evil. Oftentimes the book is merely a focus for the bearer’s own faith, much in the same way that a holy symbol is. However, sometimes the book itself is lethal to demons and the like, hearkening back to folk tales and religious stories where servants of evil could not even lay a hand on, or perhaps even look at the scripture without pain or injury.

In any case, let’s give it a try, shall we?

Empower Holy Text

School evocation [electricity]; Level cleric/oracle 3, inquisitor 3, paladin 3

Casting

Casting Time 1 standard action

Components V, S, F (holy text of your faith)

Effect

Range adjascent

Area see text

Duration 1 round/level (D)

Saving Throw Will negates; Spell Resistance yes

Description

Your prayers infuse the holy text in your hand with divine power, allowing you to cast it forth. Once released from your grip, the book begins to spiral in the air, shedding phantasmal pages glowing with the divine scripture contained within.

On initial casting of the spell, the area of the effect is a 5-foot radius centered on a corner of your space. Every round afterwards, the spell’s area increases by 5 ft. as the holy text spirals outward, until it finally returns to you at the end of the spell. The spell does not move with you.

When you cast the spell, and at the beginning of your subsequent turns, creatures in the area must make a Will save or take 2d8 damage +1 damage per three levels. (maximum +5 at 15th level)

This damage shares an alignment with you. Creatures one or fewer steps from you in terms of alignment take no damage from this spell. Those that are two steps away take full damage, and those that are more than 2 steps away take full damage and take a -2 penalty on their Will saves against this spell.

=====

This was a fun spell to come up with, and I drew from a handful of sources for this one. You’d be surprised how few continuous damage divine spells there are. Still, I think this one came out nicely.

[wroteonedad]

Interstellar (2014) Is A Barry 63 Film

Barry 63: A man photographed with a pint of lager in his hand, the type of man you would see in your local racist pub with the England flag on one wall and the dartboard across from it.

I have never seen a Christopher Nolan film in my life, I think that is one of the most important first things I have to say on this matter. I know nothing about him or his real niche in film, but I think I'm starting to get it. I watched this film on a whim; I had spent my afternoon browsing videos on YouTube from different people discussing the House Oversight video that has just come out of former U.S Intelligence Official David Grusch vaguely confirming that aliens are real. Before he gets pressed into further questioning and he's all like oh lol I can't talk about that part publicly,,,, as if the guy didn't just tell the entire planet that the U.S are storing 'non human' items and living beings somewhere. Anyway. The point is through these videos, a lot of YouTuber's then began to comment on their fascination with space and the idea of other life on other planets, and this went onto another tangent where Interstellar had been vaguely referenced as a point of reference for interest in the galaxy and further out. I guess this is what originally drew me to wanting to watch the film.

Furthermore, there is a lot about Nolan in the press right now, especially with the recent release of Oppenheimer; a movie I literally could not go and see in the cinema because I would so have an autistic meltdown over *that* atomic bomb scene. I've seen the scene anyway since a wonderful person on TikTok decided to film just that one scene in the cinema and post it online. So I decided to do some delving into Interstellar. My boyfriend told me to the best way to consume the film was to not keep turning the volume up and down (something you need to do a lot) because I would get jumpscared by the sudden loud noises, usually of rockets and space explosions. It was easier to instead turn the subtitles on and really listen because if there's anything about Nolan, it's that he loves to mess around with the sound mixing to the point you have no idea what the characters are even saying just so Nolan can make the film more 'realistic', he doesn't need to. I know for a fact I'm not in space.

The film starts off in a post apocalyptic timeline; the crops are starting to run out, your teachers are encouraging you to run a farm in order to survive while also debunking any theories that working with NASA is a terrible idea while you run for your life wearing goggles and facemasks every time the dust storms begin to rage from afar. Life on Earth is doomed, there isn't much time left and scientists are scrambling to find a way to fix that. Cooper is an ex NASA pilot who spends the early plot tending to his farm and looking after his son Tom* who seems to be failing his classes and Murphy, his daughter who follows the same interest in space and figuring out theories and morse code. Murphy is convinced there is a ghost living in her room, a ghost that knocks particular books off the shelf and as a child she tries to discover what is being communicated to her. Cooper on the other hand is convinced that this is actually a gravitational anomaly.

*did I mention that young Tom is played by our favourite Timoji Chalamat, but I feel like people kind of forget that because this was pre Call Me By Your Name? Slay

One night Cooper and Murphy take off to discover where these anomaly's are coming from, discovering some coordinates that end up taking them to a top secret NASA facility; they are stopped and snatched by some robots. The facility is run by Doctor Brand and it took me a good 5 minutes to realise that it was the Michael Caine. So Doctor Brand reveals to them that he is currently searching for an exoplanet, that a wormhole has opened up by Saturn and that he is organising a group to fly into that wormhole and to discover a planet that humans can move to with the apocalypse riling up in a matter of years. Cooper takes off with Romilly, Doyle and Amelia (Brand's daughter).

On the day of the departure Murphy has a massive strop, begging her father not to go even after he convinces her that he will be back, but she gets even more upset when she learns that even he doesn't know when he will come back.

When the gang get to the other side, they discover three different planets that are orbiting a supermassive black hole (Gargantua). The gang take their craft to the surface of the first planet; it has calm shallow waters and Amelia discovers some debris fairly quickly. She decides to run towards the mountains to collect more data before Cooper realises that those are not mountains, they are tsunami sized waves. It's not a tsunami okay I am just using that for the size reference. Anyway, he makes everyone hurry back to the craft so they can get out of there alive, losing Doyle to the large waves. The craft also nearly gets flooded due to the size of the waves and being thrown all over the place, but it does dry out with little damage over a short period of time. They return back to the base in an hour, which actually turns out to be 23 years in human time due to the time dilation from Gargantua's gravity. Is this sounding simple enough? I am trying to use as little science words as possible even though this is a science fiction film because I always found science so interesting, but yet I was always so bad at it. Back to the plot of the film, during Coopers time on the first planet which is travelling around the supermassive black hole, Murphy begins to work with Doctor Brand in order to help him with the investigation. Iconic considering she wouldn't even speak to her own father when he left.

So the crew (minus Doyle rip girl) travel to the second planet. This one is theoretically the ice age and the gang wake up Dr Mann, a very well respected scientist who has been in a state of cryostasis for however many years. The future looks brighter with this one because it would seem that Mann had collected a lot more data which could suggest this planet is more than capable of being able to contain human life. We've always wanted to live in the ice age on a different galaxy haven't we? But as it turns out Mann was a big fat liar and he faked the data in the hopes that Brand would see it and would send somebody out to rescue him, which clearly didn't happen. At the same time (well not really because of time dilation but you know what I mean) Dr Brand is dying in the hospital and he requested for Murphy to speak to him. When she arrives to see him, Brand also admits he's a big fat stinking liar. He was not even close to the answers for the gravity equation thus meaning he has sent out Murphy's dad and Brand's own daughter on what is basically a suicide mission.

As it turns out after this, Mann becomes even more problematic. He sets up a booby trap in his base and blows up Romilly and then goes out of his way to attempt to kill Cooper. Something very iconic about watching a space dude smack his helmet against another space dudes helmet until suddenly Cooper is running out of air and he is left to die. Except he doesn't the absolute mad lad. I'm starting to think at this point that Cooper might just be one of those people who can never die no matter what obstacle you throw their way.

In the process of Mann trying to hijack the Endurance and make it about him, he manages to blow himself up because he decides to be a bloke and not read any of the instructions or safety steps. Cooper somehow manages to control the now heavily damaged spacecraft. But wait, there's more...

Time is running out swiftly, the rocket no longer has enough fuel for the two to finish the job and they are trying to rack up ways on how they are going to get what they need from the third and final planet. Cooper decides that he is going to execute a fuel burn to be able to reach a speed where the spacecraft would actually arrive to the planet. The problem? Cooper would need to sacrifice his own life in order to carry out the task. The spacecraft detaches and Cooper quite literally falls through a black hole. Being sucked into such a thing, you would die right? RIGHT? No.

Cooper ends up in a five dimensional tesseract where he comes back into contact with Murphy trying to figure out the Morse code or in other lives, trying to get him to convince himself not to go onto this trip into space where the whole operation is ran by a big fat stinking liar. Basically he manages to communicate with Murphy in Morse code in one life while basically being in the walls. Theoretically coming up with the idea that humans have the ability to communicate with people in the past through time-travelling techniques. Does that make sense? Probably not, I think even for me this is all starting to feel a little bit too technological with lots of big words. Cooper manages to communicate what Murphy is looking for so she is able to save the dystopian hell she is living in where humans are now on the verge of being wiped out.

These future beings then transport him close to Saturn where he wakes up at the ripe age of 124 years old. He is taken to see Murphy who is now elderly and in the hospital; she has managed to use the gravity equation to enable human's to safely live on a planet that isn't Earth. She feels satisfied and tells her father to seek out Amelia who is seen on another planet taking off her helmet for the first time, ending on a note where she has found another planet that is capable of human life.

I think it's really cool for a film to actually end on a nice positive note, I feel like any movie that isn't pushed for the child audience usually means that the film will end up being depressing with a horrible ending. It's also weird because I feel like Nolan makes movies that all have over dramatic depressing endings. Especially considering that this movie is marketed to blokes, absolutely nobody else. The people who think Elon Musk is the most amazing man to live are the same people to say this is the best film to ever exist. It is full of loud rocket noises for the Musk wet dream, but I do actually think this is a good movie. I very much enjoyed it and it was a nice introduction to Nolan,,, and no I am not going to watch Oppenheimer in the cinema because I think how loud the movie is will literally kill me off.

[blueberryshelves]

Today I finished this wonderful book, and decided to have some fun on a trail of my own!

_______________________________________________

Book Review

Title: The Trail to You & Me Author: Mandi Lynn Bell

Book Series: Road Trip Snapshot, book #3 (stand-alone)

No. of Pages: 319

ISBN: 9781953388070

Synopsis:

What was supposed to be a summer fling fails epically when opposites attract and sparks fly.

Lori has her life planned out for the next five years. She’s intent on graduating college early, becoming a yoga instructor, and starting her own business. Her plans have already been de-railed for two years after helping a friend in crisis and now it’s time to buckle down and focus. However, a regular shift at work, ends with flirtatious banter and a promise to a memorable evening.

Even with the unexpected date, Lori is determined to keep him at a distance. While he’s free-spirited and ready to embrace the unexpected, Lori can’t afford to be sidetracked from her dreams again. Besides, this summer romance is doomed to fail since he’s on his own mission to hike the Appalachian Trail. No matter how hard she tries to get him off her mind, she can’t help but be both envious and curious of his simple approach to life. Struggling to let go of her hard-set ways, Lori finds herself agreeing to something she’d never thought she’d do: ditch work to go backpacking.

After summer ends, will their romance survive, or will their differences pull their lives in two different directions?

The Trail to You & Me is a standalone novel in the Road Trip Snapshot Series. If you like books with witty banter, adventure, and coming of age elements, Lori’s story is sure to claim your heart.

_______________________________________________

What did I think of the book?

The Trail to You & Me by Mandi Lynn Bell My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5 of 5 stars I have never been more excited to start reading a book. This is such a sweet, feel-good story that has made me smile at almost every page. This is one of those books that have come into my life when I needed it most, and left me feeling absolutely euphoric, grinning from ear-to-ear, and wanting to immediately re-read it again. The story has many great life lessons, too, such as “it’s about the journey, not the destination”, and living your life. The characters were relatable, had good development, and the pacing of the story from chapter to chapter felt natural and real. It really feels like Mandi knew what she was doing when putting this book together. On release day, I didn’t hesitate to get this book with The Book Adventure Box from the author’s website. The gifts in the box took the reading experience to another level. It felt like I was part of the book, and going on the same adventures as the characters. Immersion is an important factor for me with reading, and The Book Adventure Box nailed that perfectly.

The hiking scenes were quite nostalgic, reminding me of when I used to go hiking and traveling with my family for a couple weeks over the school holidays every other year. The further I read, the more intensely I felt inspired to go hiking again myself. Favorite character/s: Caleb “Chip” - for the way he balances Lori out, and the life lessons he gives in the book. What drew me to this book? I was looking to read a romance and the Appalachian Trail was mentioned in the blurb of the book, so I was sold on the combination. Stars: 5/5 - it’s a wonderful Summer read, and I can’t wait to read the first two books in the Road Trip Snapshot series when they arrive in the mail.

*The Book Adventure Box View all my reviews

[darkmoonkestrel]

daily kestrel 127:

well I didn't get a chance to post last night due to the warehouse fire incredibly near my house!! we heard several explosion sounds, which ended up being the transformers for our area blowing up, so we were without power last night for several hours. even though we aren't fully unpacked we pulled it together, Paige and I moved the white couch that came with the house up to in front of the fireplace and she dug out several candles from her alter stuff boxes and we made it work! Peyton read us a couple chapters of Royal Ranger, Paige used Peyton's beanie and flashlight to rig a headlamp for herself so she could color, and I laid on the floor and drew on a piece of cardboard after I got bored with my sudoku book. power came back on in the middle of the night, but we were cozy enough under all the blankets even after we turned off the gas fireplace

before all of that we were chilling in the den, we watched "am I gregnat" and "Luigi board" and some fail comps while we ate the very filling soup Paige made for dinner, and I finished reading chapter 9 of the unfinished 10 chapter fic that I've been reading over the last bit (a matter of perspective by quilling_me_softly on AO3) and I also wrote like a five paragraph comment, there is truly nothing more satisfying than commenting on a fic

before THAT Peyton and I drove to the same spot he and Paige released the first squirrel to release the second squirrel that we caught after I got home from work, and obviously before that I was at work (and reading that fic chapter for my entire lunch break). even with the slight scare of the nearby fire, it was an overall good day. I also finished EP 49 (parts a&b) of Welcome to Night Vale, which is the furthest I've ever gotten in it - it's been a good thing to listen to on my now-longer commute, so hopefully I will actually finish it (or at least catch up more) this time

[doctorstrangereview]

0089: Defenders #1

Cover Date: August 1972 On-Sale Date: May 30, 1972

The Defenders graduate from try-out book Marvel Feature to their own self-titled series. Roy Thomas hands over the writing reins to Steve Englehart. Sal Buscema takes over from Ross Andru. Steve will soon go on to become one of the greatest Doc writers in history. He get's his Doc chops from these initial tales. Sal always had a sort of goofy quality to his pencils, but I have a soft spot because he drew the first five years of Rom and I love that series.

Our story starts with The Hulk taking an early evening walk through a New Jersey forest while the captions give us several clever philosophical twists on the word star. Out of nowhere, Namor the Sub-Mariner lands in front of him. What a coincidence!

Hulk gets close enough to Namor to recognize him. He tries to help but is unable to touch him. The readers see this as a glowing aura surrounding Namor. Hulk wants to help but, as he loudly announces to no one in particular, he's never thought about helping a friend before. Hulk things about Doc and how he helped both him and Namor in the past, but then remembers that he don't like Doc. Doc made other people not like the Hulk so much. Hulk then rationalizes that people hate him anyway and eff it. He'll go to Doc. The Hulk can be quite logical for a moron.

Hulk lands in New York City and expounds on his hatred of the place while searching out Doc's Sanctum. Doc is checking out a hunch in the Orb of Agamotto when there's a commotion outside that is, of course, the Hulk. Doc goes outside and the Hulk says he's gonna smash Doc... wait, that's not why he came here!

Doc turns the pair of them invisible and they fly off in search of Namor.

I'm not sure I'd address a super-strong, bad tempered could be friend-or-foe depending on which way the wind blows giant as "Monster." Doc and Hulkie get to Namor's location who is still unconscious and glowing. Doc can't identify the field. As he asks who could have done this, a shape forms out of the air. He's wearing a cult robe and has a face a young Skeletor. This is our primary antagonist, Necrodamus. Necrodamus lets them know that he manipulated events to draw the three of them together and that he gets his power from... The Undying Ones!

This causes a flashback to the events of Doc #183, Namor #22 and Hulk # 126. Necrodamus then goes on to explain that the stars will be right in one hour, he will sacrifice Namor and turn in his rat-like physique for a nice, new one. In Hulk #126, multiple characters said the stars wouldn't be right again for another 1,000 years. Time really passes quickly when you're having fun! Necrodamus vanishes as he tells them The Undying Ones remember who effed them over last time.

Doc attempts to free Namor from the glowing thing. He doesn't succeed. The Hulk tries next and give a mighty punch. He smokes his hand, but not the barrier. Doc attempts to slow down time to give them more opportunity to find a solution, but that fails as well. He used so much juice that another of his spells loses some of it's mojo. But that is a story for another day.

Hulk reasons that if he pounds Namor, uh, on the shield surrounding Namor long enough, he'll break through. Doc awakes from the trance his time-stopping effort put him in with a headache from Hulk's pounding. Can't have this, thinks Doc. He tells Hulk they must keep Namor and Necrodamus apart for awhile. Without warning, he encloses the two of them in the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak. (Someday I'll remember how to spell Cyttorak without looking it up.) The Hulk is somewhat upset that he's suddenly enclosed, but it doesn't matter. Namor's body slips through the ground.

Doc releases Hulkie and they go explore the caves. Just as Hulk gets tired of being bossed around, a demon attacks the pair. Doc delivers the first magical bolt, but Hulk is delighted at finally having an enemy to pound. And pound he does! The demon dude never stood a chance.

After they leave the unconscious demon they stumble on Necrodamus and Namor, still in his glowing barrier. Sal gives us a full pager to depict this.

Doc tells Hulk it's his show now, but he's a bit reluctant to pound on the little guy. That's okay, the stars are really close to "being right" and Necrodamus is able to do an instant makeover.

This delights the Hulk who doesn't might pounding on Necrodamus now.

As Necrodamus stabs Hulk with his magic knife, Doc concocts a plan to free Namor. He fills the barrier with water which enables Namor to break free. Necrodamus stabs Hulk again and prepares to deliver a fatal blow but Namor attacks and distracts him. Namor is the new target. Doc attempts to stay Necrodamus's hand, but only manages to slow the dagger. The forgotten Hulk has changed back to Bruce Banner and his wounds have healed. He joins Doc in holding Necrodamus's knife arm away from Namor. They hold it just long enough for the stars to go out of alignment and Necrodamus goes from ugly giant to ugly rat thing again. Small and cowardly again, he vanishes.

With the adventure coming to a close, Doc asks Namor how Necrodamus threw him from the sky. Namor lets them know it wasn't the little rat dude. It was the Silver Surfer.

Plot wise this is a fun story. We sort of get the return of The Nameless one but he's (they're?) more behind the scenes with Necrodamus acting as a avatar. We end knowing they will return.

The problem with ensemble pieces of this era is the lack of real characterization and growth. Doc is arrogant, calculating and occasionally insulting. Hulk is dumb and mad, though occasionally capable of some basic reasoning. Namor is the angry former monarch who is out of commission for most of the story. With this. we do get to see Hulk and Doc interact with each other. This is a first. Others have always been present in other stories. Doc needed to cool it with calling Hulk "monster." It was the seventies, things were different.

The story proceeds nicely. It doesn't drag and is generally consistent. Englehart has begun to tone down Doc's more ridiculous dialogue. Doc's character growth will be better in his solo stories. When Englehart takes those over, he makes him grander and more human simultaneously. We have good things for which to look forward.

[blackownersseekingsuccess]

From Doubt to Hope: How Cornelius Eady's Play ‘Running Man’ Reignited Broadway's Spirit at Lincoln Center

by Levi Wise Kenneth Catoe Jr.

April 8, 2024 - If you haven't already figured it out in the year 2024 post-pandemic, Broadway seems to be in a peculiar place right now. From a rhetorical point of view, every time a play enters Broadway, the same play soon exits. Leaving many to ponder whether Broadway will ever regain its footing. The discourse surrounding Broadway existed in a universe long before Hollywood, and its stars rivaled the social clout of all the Hollywood luminaries of the day. Stars such as Tallulah Bankhead, Mary Martin, Ethel Mermen, and the Barrymore family were more than Drew’s ancestors; these were A-List stars with the most pop mainstream appeal, but nowadays people are more likely to know who Drake is than who Ben Platt is, and this is not to create rivalry but only to ask what’s become of Broadway. Last night, Lincoln Center found the solution.

During Broadway’s current busy revival scene, which includes the occasional lackluster "Jukebox Musical' or what's become a relic these days, the 'Black Theater' that typically fails to find its audience among post-pandemic attendees, this is further proof of the axiom that some plays simply need to find their time to succeed. Several of the most famous theater works of today stand on the shoulders of artists whose names aren’t cited, remembered, or compensated. Many of these missing musical masterworks are often the labor of BIPOC creators and women. To remedy this state of affairs, the Cast Album Project—helmed by the multiple Tony Award-winning composer Jeanine Tesori (Fun Home; Caroline, or Change; Kimberly Akimbo) and Obie and Drama League-winning director Anne Kauffman (Marvin’s Room, The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window)—reconstructs the scores of lost musicals and records them in concert in the hopes of preserving them for future generations to rediscover.

One such reconstructed work is Running Man by composer Diedre Murray and poet Cornelius Eady. The disappearance of a young African American man is told through an explosive convergence of jazz, opera, and chamber music. This hauntingly beautiful story was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and won an OBIE for composition. Join us for a two-night-only concert of Running Man—finally capturing, for eventual release, a long-belated, first-time cast album. The libretto is based on Cornelius Eady’s cycle of poetry of the same name, published in the book Brutal Imagination by Penguin Random House, and was a finalist for the National Book Award. Ms. Murray and Mr. Eady have also collaborated on the musical theater pieces You Don't Miss Your Water, Brutal Imagination, and Fangs.

But, for me, it was that Lincoln Center setting that only added to the ambiance of the score. The Running Man cast was staged in front of the glassed wall of the venue; the lights were dimmed with lavender lights, with huge high ceilings and tall windows, as if the cast were performing in the late-night sky of NYC. As the audience viewed the masterful performances of the orchestra, singers, and conductors, the NYC evening traffic below Columbus Circle kept pace with the music as the chorus harmonized among the clouds and skyline. It was truly a spellbinding and amazing experience. It was impossible to look away because every single one of the actor's vocals suited the musical arrangement perfectly, and even when a mistake was made, it was so effortless that had the performer not indicated that they wanted to do it over, the audience would have never caught the mistake that was made. Once the show was over, I was ready to see more, but unfortunately, that never happened. The performance lasted around 90 minutes, and after the actors took a few bows, they were whisked away with no encores. Maybe that’s the metaphor for the evening Broadway, which was once here to stay, now only gets whisked away too quickly, but I will always be grateful for last night. 

Levi Wise Kenneth Catoe Jr.

Editor, BOSS, NY

*excerpts from this article were taken from DO NYC

(Cast Album Project:  Running Man, Day 2 at Lincoln Center)

[cariantha]

If Only I Could

Book: Open Heart, Book 2, Chapter 7

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Sawyer Brooks)

Rating: General

Warning: A couple curse words

Category: Angst (with an OK ending)

Word count: 1.3K

Summary: After conducting surveillance on Louise, Sawyer is frustrated with Ethan’s mixed signals.

A/N: I am participating in the Luck of the Draw event hosted by @moodmusicmonday. I drew the song The Enemy by Andrew Belle. It inspired a little angst. There were definitely some lyrics that spoke to me. I bolded the themes/keywords that I used as prompts.

Not before a final squeeze, Ethan releases the grip on her hand to put the car in park. He shifts his body to face her and she responds in kind. As his grateful eyes connect with hers, he cups her cheek.

“Thanks again for doing this with me. I… I appreciate you, Sawyer. More than I could ever properly express.” 

She feels the sincerity in his touch, hears it in his voice, and sees it in his loving expression. Leaning into hope this will be the moment that the reset business is forgotten, Sawyer wraps one hand around the wrist that still tenderly holds her face. The other hand on his shoulder slowly pulls him in. 

The cautious strategy backfires, giving Ethan too much time to process what was about to happen. As his convictions overwhelm him, he suddenly withdraws, taking her hands in his to hold them down.

“We shouldn’t,” he says with a sorrowful shake of his head. 

Sawyer wastes no time pulling herself free, turning away and scrambling for the door handle. Despite the sheets of rain still coming down, she hurriedly escapes his pity, jumping from the car and slamming the door behind her. 

Ethan slams his hands on the steering wheel. “Shit!” 

Sawyer is halfway to the side entrance of the hospital when she feels his hand on the back of her arm and turns to face him. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, Ethan. We don’t need to do this,” she says, shrugging free from his hold. If she’s learned one thing from her mentor it’s how to be fashionably numb in emotional situations. And in this moment she tries her best to channel that energy, failing instantly with what comes next out of his mouth.

“Sawyer, it’s just…you know how compli-”

“I knowwwww!” she growls, shaking fists in the air. “You don’t need to tell me it’s complicated. You don’t need to tell me you’re doing this for me or my career. I know…” her voice cracks, “but that doesn’t make it sting any less, Ethan.” 

The tears are disguised by the rain that falls upon her face, but glossy eyes give away the depth of her frustration. With crossed arms she stares at the sad reflection looking back from a puddle and recalls something Ethan said earlier. 

“Why didn’t he ever resent her the way I did?”

“Hmph,” she shakes her head in defeat.

“Talk to me.”

“If only I could resent you,” voicing her inner thoughts, “...if only it were that easy.”

“What do you mean?” he wills her to look up at him.

Just a little while ago, in a parking lot across the street from a rundown motel, Sawyer listened sympathetically to Ethan’s heartbreaking family history. Her heart broke for both father and son. But as she stands here now with Ethan’s childhood memories replaying in her mind, she feels for Alan Ramsey. She understands the conflict between head and heart.

“...she said she needed to go to the grocery store, and then she just… didn’t come back.” 

She knows it could never compare to the deep dejection that the Ramsey men must have felt when Louise unexpectedly left. But as of a few months ago, Sawyer can now say she understands what abandonment feels like.

She believed him when he said they would make it work. Only to realize he had broken that promise when he disappeared into the jungle with no word. No opportunity to ask questions. No way to get answers. No chance to say goodbye.   

“[He] was beside himself...thinking something terrible had happened to her.”

Sawyer recalls the increasing dread as each day passed with no contact. Did he even make it to Brazil? Had he been attacked by militant guerillas or actual gorillas? Had he fallen ill from an Amazonian spider bite, or worse, from the disease that he was there to help prevent? Did he fall and get lost in the rainforest, or worst of all, did he fall and get lost in the arms of someone else?

“...he’d been dumped.”

Dumped. Deserted. Rejected. Cast aside. Forgotten. Just a few of the sentiments that described how it felt learning Ethan Ramsey was alive and well, and had the ability to communicate but chose not to. At least not with her.

“She made a fool out of him!”

Finally looking up to answer his question, “Maybe I’ve made myself the fool, but I just can’t seem to hate you. We had something...no, we still have something and despite the repeated rejection, I cling to some shred of hope," she exhales. “Maybe that’s how your dad felt about your mom.”

“I tried,” his whisper barely audible over the patter of rain still falling from the gray sky above. 

“What?”

“I’ve tried,” he enunciates louder, “to make you resent me. And when that didn’t work, I tried to make you my enemy. But it’s impossible to hate you too.” Forgetting they were out in the open, Ethan takes a step forward and delicately wraps his fingers around her wrist. “I’m sorry that everything is so upside down. I wish things could be different.” 

Even with all the moisture around them, his touch ignites a spark. But the thrill is quickly extinguished yet again.

“Ethan? Dr. Brooks? You’re both soaked to the bone! Is everything okay?” Harper calls from under an umbrella.

Remembering their surroundings, he quickly lets go of Sawyer as his ex steps up beside him. Harper’s hand finds the back of his shoulder and the affectionate display makes Sawyer shrink back with a familiar pang of doubt. 

“Uh, Dr. Brooks fell and I…I was making sure she wasn’t hurt,” his concerned eyes scan Sawyer for evidence of further injury, but not the physical kind.

Whether he intended it or not, the double meaning was not lost on her. Sawyer heard more truth in that statement than lies. She did fall. She fell hard. And it does hurt. More than she is willing to admit. 

“Thank you, Dr. Ramsey,” she plays along pretending to look herself over. Finally lifting her eyes to meet his gaze, she is deliberate with her word choice. “Just a few bruises.”

“Ethan, since I’ve caught you here, I’ve been meaning to ask…” Harper’s voice fades into the background as his focus remains on Sawyer’s crestfallen demeanor. “So? Shall I set up the meeting?” the question snaps him back. 

“That’s fine,” he answers, not caring what it is that he just agreed to.

“Great, I’ll look for some time on our schedules. Now come on, let’s get out of this nasty weather,” she suggests leading the way. 

Sawyer turns to follow Harper indoors but Ethan stops her. 

“Rookie, hold on a minute. I’m…I’m sorry our timing is off. You know if the circumstances were different we’d…that I would…” he trails off looking for understanding in her eyes. “You…you know that, right?”

Sawyer visibly deflates her shoulders and nods affirmatively. “And I think that’s why this,” she gestures between them, “...this is really confusing sometimes.” 

“I agree.” 

With no other solution coming to mind, Sawyer tries to move them forward the best way she knows how. “Can you just do me a favor? Every once in a while can you pretend it’s the first day of my intern year and unleash the rude and arrogant Dr. Ramsey? That would help me not want to kiss you all the time,” she jokes.

“Well, I suppose if it helps,” he offers politely before twisting his features into a pretend scowl. “Your taste in men is concerning, your judgment questionable. You are severely lacking both bark and bite when you’re angry, and you are entirely too quick to forgive.”

He walks off without another word, but after a few paces glances back with a satisfied smirk.

“What an asshole,” she smiles back.

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[firinniee]

HOGWARTS LEGACY VS JKR

Out of context but I decided to celebrate the release of the latest Harry Potter game (10.02) and I have to say here my opinion on this subject, someone who grew up on HP, is part of the LGBT and does not wholeheartedly support person who created this magical world. No matter what you think, if you have any respect for another human being, please read what I have to say, k?

The fact that I wanted to write such an entry appeared in my head from the moment I started getting insults and threats here because I supposedly "support jkr"... because I like Harry and I drew pictures with him over a year ago quite regularly? This is stupid. Just like raiding people because they like something is stupid. Since apparently we have a problem with separating author from they work and attack for everyone who has anything to do with Harry Potter has begun. Apart from the fact that books can be bought used and fan merch exists, we can not support the author financially in any way, do you think it changes anything? Like for Christmas, me and my fiancé got HP bedding and HP pajamas from my mama, and do you think that JK came to Poland to thank my ma' for this purchase? You think that made her have enough money to feed her children and pay for the apartment? NO. Do you think she cares? Of course not! Rowling is a person who could allocate a significant part of her wealth (because yes, we must not forget about it if we want to be objective) for charity, probably even her three children will not be able to spend the money she has because there is too much of it.

But here we come to someone who is not so rich and does not have that much money. Do you know who? The creators of the game. The creators of the game, who not only make a living from being part of creating it, they devoted long hours to it and delved into the world that they must love so that the society that has been waiting for a good game from this university for years will get it. And now you can scream "But why did they go to make a transphobe game?!?!?!?" Let me explain, the first transphobic JK Rowlings games on Twitter appeared in 2020, and the first mentions of the already quite developed Hogwarts Legacy we met in 2018. It is true that the creators cleverly wanted to cut themselves off from JKR, but unfortunately even they were intolerant of "anti jkr", and yes really anti their time, anti their work and anti their work as artists.

And you think that even if, hypothetically, none of the games were bought, would the author of HP cry about it? No, we would show her that even if the next games, books and movies fail, she will still be in a high position as an author.

Now in private, I hope you're not a hypocrite and if you think that just liking HP is supporting JKR, are you doing anything for others to be what they want to be? Have you helped a trans person and bought them a binder? Do you publicly defend their right to use the restroom where they feel comfortable or did you do something JUST FOR GOOD of that person? Or let's go even deeper, since everyone should be equal, have you helped other people in need? Have you donated blood? Are you in the bone marrow donor database? Have you supported any foundation that supports what is most important to you? Poor ones? Womans? Kids? Animals? Or maybe you just sit on the Internet, use emotional blackmail and hide behind the alleged tolerance, but only in terms of what should be right for you & you want to force others to your will? Ordinary people like me and you suffer because of this behavior. If you want to destroy the right of many people to create their own creations and probably millions of people's right to take a break from the gray world and play a game about a magical kid running around the castle - you are as bad as the jkr you hate so much. Just intolerant.

Nah due to the fact that I am quite sick I don't have the strength to argue in the comments but I think such things should be said out loud, from someone who is at the center of it all. I'll probably be a poser, but I'd rather buy a switch game once it's available, but for now, I wish everyone could feel comfortable - whether it's in such big things as orientation, pronouns or being yourself, but also in such mundane things as liking Harry Potter. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, remember that you don't have to be like the author if you don't support them. Good day my beans! ~Firinnie