#i drew a few months ago while a couple of mutuals were watching and we talked a lot and i loved it so much i just want yo talk to people now

[thiscatiscreepy]

The urge to make a mutuals discord server but only because I want to have a voice chat where I can screen share if I'm drawing so that people can pop in if they want so I can talk to them while I draw.

[totalswag]

what if Drew invites Reader to Italy, like to accompany him to the shooting of his movie QUEER and have a good time visiting, meet the film crew, watch him working, ect... at the same time, Drew and Reader express their feelings towards each other, not directly a confirmation being a couple but a kind of dating for the moment, softly romantic and fun 💯🌹🇮🇹

italy trip — DREW STARKEY

authors note i made one very similar with baby tatum involved when she was a a few months old (dad!drew content btw) however, thank you anon for this beautiful request, i had a fun time writing it. i hope this is what you were looking for!! i spent a lot of time on this request going back an forth making sure it was just right.

summary drew inviting you to accompany him in Italy while he films his new movie, queer, for a month. little down the road feelings towards each other unfold.

requests open

warnings traveling, filming, mentions of drinking, confessing feelings,

Drew flew to Italy last month to film his new movie, Queer. This is an important role for him, and you could not be more proud of him. You recall him being ecstatic when his manager called to inform him that he had been offered the position.

Drew bought you a plane ticket to Italy a week ago, and you spent a month with him. It threw you off surprise, but you couldn't wait to spend a month in Italy with him. He wanted you to come out and see what Italy was like, see him work, wander about, and so on.

You've been close friends for a long time. You met through mutual friends and have remained close ever since. Those closest to you are waiting for you to get together. There’s been little moments between you that show the attraction you have towards each other.

Reaching Italy was like entering a dream. There was beauty to be found everywhere they turned, and the air was fragrant with the aroma of fresh pasta and blossoming flowers.

You have spent the last three days in Italy so far. First two days consisted of you relaxing because jet lag really got to you – you aren’t used to traveling across the world.

You were gushing about the gorgeous country the entire time. It was spectacular in every way. The number of times you thanked Drew for inviting him on this vacation was too many for him to count on his fingers. 

Drew gave you a tour of the set, introduced you to the actors, and allowed you to watch him film a few scenes on your third day in Italy. It was impossible to look away from Drew as he was filming a scene. It was too good to pass up the chance to be at his side as he developed his art and saw the magic of filmmaking come to life.

He introduced you to the cast, all very sweet. Had good conversations with them too.

“The way he goes into character instantly, Y/N, is so amazing,” Drew’s manager whispered, “He loves what he does and it shows.” you respond still keeping your eyes on him film a scene.

Having the chance to speak with Dainel Greg was a dream come true. You spent your childhood watching his movies whenever you could with your father. He maintained the conversation and was quite kind. You told him about his movies as James Bond and watching them with your dad.

“We should go out tonight, what do you think?” Drew asked, wrapping his arm over your shoulder as you walked off set.

"Are you taking me around like a tour guide?" Jokingly hip-checking him and giggling, "It seems like a plan to me."

Your comment made him laugh, "You are such a dork, you know that right," as he looked down at you and a small smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.

“We’ll go out to the bars, grab food, and explore” shrugging his shoulders.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” smiling.

Drew and you found time to relax and enjoy one other's company. Your chats were effortless, full of laughter, common interests, and unconscious connection. There was a faint undercurrent of something deeper between you, a subtle but obvious spark that lasted whenever you were together.

When you and Drew stepped outside as the sun started to set, the music was playing softly in the background and a gentle breeze caressed your skin. It was just breathtaking. Drew couldn't help but notice how you were living in the moment.

Drew ushered you in front of him as he entered the bar and showed you where the drinks were. Leaning forward against the counter, you crossed your arms and looked over the menu. Drew was standing close to you, examining the menu.

He lifted his beer with his right hand and took a long sip, saying, "See, I told you this bar is good."

Pushing your finished plate to the side and lifting your beer in your palm, "I'm just glad you brought me here. I think I might need to take some home," sarcastically completing your statement, Drew grins.

For the next thirty minutes, you two stayed at the bar sipping more beer and discussing your garden you started at home. You've always enjoyed gardening, especially when it comes to adding color to your house with flowers.

Drew chuckles, "It's been going great and you should come by and take a look. I've been waking up early in the morning to get it all done before the sun comes out, and I'm looking like a sweaty pig the entire time." He nods.

"What's the reason behind your laughter? It's true that when I initially started working in the garden in the afternoon, it appeared as though I had just gotten out of the shower. You sigh, slumping your shoulder, and then giggle when you give it some more thought.

"I'm glad to hear it's almost finished; I know how much you wanted to grow your own garden when you bought your house," he said softly, looking at you with piercing blue eyes.

His response made you feel warm and fuzzy. Your cheeks reddened and you buried your face in your shoulder. You don’t know why you’re feeling this way all sudden.

It's almost the end of your trip, sad. Three more days till you leave the beautiful country, Italy.

The last few weeks have been a dream come true for your book. Being alongside Drew made the experience a lot more fun. When he wasn't filming, you two spent your days and nights in Italy. You two had lots of flirtatious encounters that left you both flustered.

Earlier today, Drew and you went down to a museum. Drew brought his digital camera to take pictures of art you looked at.

There was something Drew said that stuck with you for the rest of the day,

“C'mon you look beautiful, Y/N, please.” 

He had complimented you before, but this time felt different. He's been more loving during the trip, making tiny comments that make the butterflies in your stomach run crazy.

Now you're sitting on the balcony couch, a blanket wrapped over your body, watching the sun set fully. A chilly air struck your face. It felt great. Music can be heard in houses or around town.

Drew's footsteps approach the balcony, and he holds two glasses of wine in his hands. You peek over your shoulder, a smile spreading across your face. He places them on the coasters in front of you and takes a seat next to you.

"Thank you, kind sir," you say before taking a sip of the wine you bought earlier today.

"Anytime, let me know what you think" he says casually, his gaze fixed on you the entire time.

You go on to tell him how excellent the wine is and that he should bring the entire bottle back here because you might as well drink it all. 

Drew couldn't help but giggle at your choice of words, but he was also careful because he knew how you got drunk on wine.

He feels the same way, so if you both get drunk on wine, you'll win.

"What's been your favorite experience this trip?" Drew asks, sliding his right arm around your shoulder, and you respond by leaning into his warm touch.

"Everything," you say as you wander off into the distance, "and being here with you." You lean your head back and jab your pointer finger at his cheek. flirtatiously but playfully.

You can notice a change in Drew's physical sensation. You would rather hear what he has to say in return than say anything more. It's clear that he didn't anticipate your final statement.

"I've had a lot of fun with you too, and I was hoping we would do more stuff like this with me and you when our schedules aren't so busy?" His voice sounds unsteady and nervous but he maintains it steady.

“Like a couple?” you question.

“Mhm yes, like a couple” his cheeks are getting red, can’t tell if it's the wine or his cheeks.

He turns his body to face you and places both hands on your lap. "Look, Y/N." I brought you on the trip to confirm my feelings for you, which proved to be genuine.What I am trying to get across is that I view you as more than a friend, Y/N. When I'm around you, you bring me so much joy and happiness that I could go on and on about how I feel.

Your brain is going in circles as you hear the words come out Drew’s mouth. Paying attention by the way he expresses how he feels, genuine and honest. You can’t help but smile when he brings up how you make him feel. All you can do is wrap your arms around him.

"I feel the same way, Drew. I was too terrified to tell you; I had no idea how you felt," you say, moving away from him and peering into those blue eyes that make you feel like you're on cloud nine.

You saw Drew's repeated stares at your eyes and lips. He leans in to give you a short kiss, then pulls away to watch how you react. You grin. He smiles before crashing his lips back against yours, lips moving in unison.

For the next few days, you two took it slow. Not making it formal right away, but rather enjoying the process of dating while remaining casual.

The next three days passed quickly. The second to last day consisted of you taking a day trip to the beach, walking through market after market, stopping for ice cream, taking lots of pictures, grabbing pizza to go to the beach, watching the waves crash against the shore with the sky looking beautiful, music playing in the background, and sharing a few kisses.

This trip was definitely something to remember.

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a YouTuber feel uncomfortable? 

Here me out please, before you all make assumptions. 

A couple months ago, I(19F) began following a YouTuber that I quickly began to love. I won’t be saying the YouTuber’s name for the sake of protecting their privacy, obviously. I started to watch their videos(which were mainly about a story that she came up with, featuring her ocs) and enjoyed them all, enjoyed the ocs, too. This YouTuber is a relatively unpopular one, but not so unpopular that they’re obscure or completely unheard of, they’re just not one of the big names in the YouTuber community. I made a few amazing friends due to us being in the same fandom and both enjoying this YouTuber’s content. One day, I decided to write a fanfic for this person’s story featuring her ocs. I uploaded the fic to AO3 and made sure to credit the YouTuber with creating these amazing ocs. I then showed it to my few friends, who all loved the fanfic. However, one day I made the mistake of showing the fic to a mutual friend(now an ex-friend but that’s a topic for another discussion) that me and the YT both share, and she sent the fanfic to the YT without my permission. Now before y’all get up in arms, I didn’t mind at all that she had sent it to the YT, in fact, I actually wanted the YT to see. However I really wish that she had asked me first, because I would have been more than happy to show it to them! Unfortunately, a few days after I sent it to her, my other friend(let’s call her M) showed me an announcement the YT made on her Discord, in which she complained about people writing fanfictions of her ocs and “using” them in her stories without her permission. She also stated that she felt like she was losing control of her story when other people wrote fanfics of it, and that whoever wrote the fanfiction “didn’t understand boundaries”(even though she didn’t have this boundary before and also wrote in the announcement that she used to be okay with fanfics of her work, but now no longer is). I deleted the fanfic the moment I saw the post from my friend, but I was a bit disappointed since I never meant to make her feel uncomfortable and only wanted to show my love and appreciation for her story, and possibly get more people to check out her story as well. Still, I deleted the fanfic from AO3. 

Now, here’s where things get interesting. A while later, I joined the YouTuber’s Discord server, where I met many people that I got along quite well with and quickly befriended. I often engaged in conversations with them about the story, and often drew fanart of my favorite character and posted it to the art channel in the server(she’s okay with fanart of her ocs, just not fanfics). Now is probably a good time to mention that while I was in the Discord server(and even before that) I often talked about the story with my friend on Tumblr(not M, these are two separate friends) who did not have Discord but loved the story just as much as I did. We often talked about the story and how much we enjoyed it, and often came up with jokes and headcanons, basic stuff like that, that any fan would do. Anyway, back to the Discord, one of the rules of the server was not to be disrespectful or rude or malicious towards other people, and another was that if you received two warnings about your behavior in the server then you would be quickly banned from the server and no longer allowed to come back. I understood this and tried to conduct myself to the best of my ability. However, one day, I found myself mysteriously unable to access the server, and when I tried to rejoin, I was again unable to. I found out that the reason I couldn’t access the server was because I had been banned due to “disrespectful behavior”, “engaging in arguments”, and making the YouTuber(who ran the server) uncomfortable. I was confused, because I genuinely don’t remember ever engaging in rude behavior with anyone. The few instances(according to them) in which I had been allegedly rude or disrespectful to people were both genuine misunderstandings, and both times I had apologized for them and did not repeat the behavior. I also did not receive any form of warning before being banned, despite one of the rules being that you will receive two warnings before being banned from the server. Still, I apologized for my alleged hostility and asked if I could come back, however the YouTuber said no, and went on to add that not only was I rude to people in the server(which, again, were both genuine misunderstandings), but that she had seen my Tumblr conversations with my friends in which I talked about her story, and said that she was “wildly uncomfortable” with how “obsessive” I was with it as well as my favorite character in the story. This bewildered me to no end because the YouTuber did not have Tumblr and had never once ever mentioned being on or having access to Tumblr, so I did not expect her to see my posts(and even if she did, I did not expect to get banned for them as they do not violate the rules of the server). It made me wonder why she didn’t just talk to me and explain to me that she was uncomfortable with me posting about her work instead of just banning me altogether and not giving me a chance to defend myself. I ended up sadly and reluctantly deleting all of my posts relating to her story, and requesting my friend to do the same. I told M about this scenario, and she was enraged on my behalf, saying that the YouTuber probably was actually upset about my having written a fanfic for her ocs, and said that she didn’t understand me being called obsessive because I acted like a normal fan would(which I agree with). Some of my other friends have sided with me as well and told me that the YouTuber was acting petty, however some of my friends have taken a middle ground. None of them entirely condemned me, but that may just be because they are biased and don’t want to hurt my feelings. The mutual friend/now ex-friend(of course) merely told me to “self-reflect” and move on from the story. Regardless, the YouTuber now has me blocked, not just on Discord, but on Instagram as well, where I also reside. 

Reasons why I think I might be the asshole: I will admit that I have a tendency to really hyperfixate on things and get especially attached to fictional characters that I adore and resonate with, so I can see why that would make them uncomfortable. That being said… 

Reasons why I think I might not be the asshole: I genuinely wasn’t trying to make this wonderful YouTuber feel uncomfortable or be “obsessive” with the story. I merely wanted to show my appreciation for it in a way that I thought was normal for online fans, which included writing a fanfic, drawing fanart, and geeking out about the story with my friends(admittedly publicly). I had no idea that these actions would turn the YouTuber off, and merely wanted to show how much I enjoyed the story. I also was never rude to anyone in the server and apologized whenever a misunderstanding rose up. I never tried to be aggressive with anyone or cursed anybody out or tried to have arguments with people, so I have no idea where that came from. 

So, what say ye, oh wise people of Tumblr? Am I the asshole or not?

What are these acronyms?

[arvinsescape]

Time to Heal.

A/N: A bit of a different sort of writing for me that deals with emotional abuse, whilst i have never dealt with this personally, i know a couple of people who have and if anyone struggles with this or has my inbox is always open.

Summary: Reader finds herself in an emotionally abusive relationship and Tom shows her what real love looks like.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of emotional abuse, one mention of blood and i think that’s everything.

W/C: 2.4K.

You’d always thought that this moment should be one of the happiest in your life but here you were stood in a room full of a people with a man on one knee for you and it all felt wrong. You weren’t happy like you thought you would have been. You wished he hadn’t done this in front of all these people. You wished it wasn’t him asking. The man on one knee in front of you was possibly one of the worst men you’d ever been in a relationship with. He didn’t love you and you knew that but he made you feel like that was the best you were going to get, what you deserved.

It never starts out that way, at first Aaron was lovely, he swept you off your feet when you weren’t expecting it. He took you on lovely dates, he made you laugh and then he started making comments, as soon as he learnt your insecurities he used them against you, he never tried to push them away, no, he made sure they were at the forefront of your mind.

It started at first as being something he would say in an argument, your clingy, you want too much, you’re too emotional. Then he’d apologise, told you he didn’t mean it, his anger got the better of him and every time you’d accept with another piece of confidence, until there was none left. Then his comments became regular until you truly believed what he said.

‘You should just leave him.’ One of your friends had said when you’d worked up the courage to confide in her but you couldn’t. It’s not as simple as that. By the time you’d worked up the courage to tell her Aaron had your insecurities exactly where he wanted them. You weren’t worthy of love or being truly happy. He isolated you from your friends, especially your male friends and that made you feel more alone.

He hated your best friends Tom and Harrison and you didn’t see either of them anymore unless it was at a mutual friends birthday. You’d wanted to confide in them but Aaron had been adamant to make sure you deleted their numbers and that shattered the last piece of confidence you had. It wasn’t like they hadn’t noticed, they texted you until Aaron got so angry he’d taken your phone and smashed it. He apologised and bought you a new one and promised it’d never happen again.

He hated Tom more than anyone else, of course you’d told him in the early stages of the relationship how you knew Tom and Harrison. You and Tom had been in a relationship, you’d grown close to Haz as a result but ultimately Tom’s career was taking off and you’d both made the decision to call it quits before any heartbreak and messiness arrived so you could salvage the friendship. Then three days ago Tom came to see you.

“Tom?” You said as you answered the door. You’d not seen him for a while now so you were surprised to see him at your door.

“I tried calling.” He’d said with a sad smile.

“Sorry, my phone’s switched off.” You tried to laugh it off.

“For the last two months?” He asked. He wasn’t angry, you could see it in his eyes, he was concerned.

“I got a new one, did I not text you?” You tried again.

“Can I come in?” You swallowed thickly as you moved to the side to let him in. Thank god Aaron was out for the day. “Harrison tried calling too.” He said as he watched you boil the kettle, your back to him.

“I’ve been busy.”

“Lucy called me. Said she’s not heard from you either.” You almost dropped the teaspoon you were holding. You’d not seen Lucy since you told her about Aaron. You didn’t say anything so he continued.

“She told me some things Y/N. About what he says to you.” He grasped your hand turning you to look at him but you couldn’t meet his eyes.

“He just gets angry sometimes.” You used Aaron’s words.

“He shouldn’t say things like that to you, it’s not right.” You still couldn’t meet his gaze. His hand was still holding yours as he drew soft circles into the back of it with his thumb. You missed his touch.

“He usually apologises.” You tried to defend him.

“Doesn’t make it right love. You deserve so much better than him.” He used his free hand to lift your chin so you were forced to look at him and the look of concern in his eyes was enough to bring tears to your own.

“I don’t though.” You whispered and you watched as something shifted behind his eyes, he looked heartbroken. Your tears fell for the first time in months, you’d became so numb to Aaron’s words that they didn’t make you cry anymore but the softness in Tom’s tone had tears streaming down your face.

He pulled you into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and let you cry into his shirt. He placed the occasional kiss to the top of your head as his hands rubbed up and down your back in comfort. You stayed like that for at least ten minutes before you composed yourself but you stayed in his arms. It felt as safe as it always had.

“You deserve to be loved properly darling.” He said into your hair.

“But he’s right I’m too clingy, I’m too emotional and I expect to much from people.” You sniffled.

“You’re not clingy, you give all your love to the people you care about. You’re not too emotional, you wear your heart on your sleeve and that’s never a bad thing. You don’t expect too much from people because you should always seek to have people love you the way you love them.” He pulled you to look at him as he said it and the look in his eyes was so genuine you could tell he meant it.

“Who’s gonna want me now? I’m full of emotional baggage.” You whispered as you let a few more tears fall, voicing the fears as he caught your tears with his thumbs.

“You’re not full of baggage. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re funny and you love with everything you have in you, he doesn’t deserve you.” He gave you a small smile as he spoke. “I could go on for hours about all the amazing things about you.”

“Tom.” You sighed. “I don’t love him but I can’t leave him, I’m scared.” You admitted.

“Has he hit you?” Tom asked and it was so full of concern that a fresh wave of tears made their way down your face.

“No. He broke my phone once but no. I’m scared to leave him because I don’t want to end up alone.”

“You won’t. You’ll always have me and Harrison and Lucy, god the list goes on. We all still love you and we miss you.” He said as he wiped at your tears again. He was being so tender with you and you hadn’t felt that for a long time. You hadn’t felt loved. “You’ll always have me.” He said again.

“Tom- “Your voice broke and whatever you were going to say got caught in your throat.

“I’ll always look after you. I’ll make sure you always have everything you need. I’ll make sure you’re always safe.”

“I still love you Tom.” You admitted as you cried into his chest again.

“I still love you.”

He’d tried to convince you to go home with him that day but something stopped you and you can’t explain what it was and now here you were at Lucy’s birthday party which Aaron had reluctantly let you attend and Aaron was down on one knee for you. You looked around the room as you caught those brown eyes that you loved so much and he was staring right back at the scene unfolding before him. Tears in his beautiful eyes.

“I’ll always look after you. I’ll make sure you always have everything you need. I’ll make sure you’re always safe.”

“I still love you.”

You pulled your hand from Aaron’s as you felt a sort of confidence you’d not had for a long time as Aaron stood, following your gaze.

“I fucking knew it.” Aaron grumbled next to you and your eyes darted back to him. He was angrier than you’d ever seen him before and it frightened you. “Him?” He laughed but there was no humour in it.

“Aaron I’m-” You tried to get out.

“Him? Really? I knew it.” He seethed at you. Everyone was staring. Lucy carefully approached and you watched as Harrison and Tom started to make their way over. As soon as Tom moved it caught Aaron’s gaze and his face twisted into one of pure anger. “Fucking Tom Holland.” He suddenly shouted as he practically ran at him, catching Tom off guard.

As soon as he reached Tom he raised his fist and placed a punch straight to his nose. You almost screamed in shock as you watched Harrison and Tuwaine tackle Aaron to the floor. Tom had stumbled and was holding his nose. It was bleeding. You made your way straight over.

“Tom, oh my god, Tom, are you okay?” You asked as you took his face in your hands. He looked down at you for a second and smiled before nodding slightly and tilting his head back. “Is it broken?” You panicked.

“No.” Tom said as someone handed him a load of tissues. Aaron’s laughter pulled you from your concern over Tom. You twisted round to look at him as Tom snaked an arm around your waist and pulled your back to his chest. Aaron was stood now, Harrison and Tuwaine were still ready to jump to the defence again if they had to.

“You,” he started as he pointed at you, “are a pathetic little bitch who pines after a man who’ll throw you away as soon as someone better comes along and that won’t be hard to find.”

“Watch your mouth.” Harrison warned as he stood in front of you. Tom had recovered now, stopping the bleeding. Aaron laughed again as he made his way towards the exit.

“You know what Tom, you’re welcome to her. She’s a frigid little fucker anyway. Doesn’t put out often.” He said as he laughed. You watched as anger flared in Tom’s face. He let go of your waist as he went to follow him. You tried to grasp his arm but he was too quick. Harrison stepped in.

“Tom, she needs you.” He said as he gestured towards you. Everyone was still staring at what had just happened and it made you self-conscious as you wrapped your arms around yourself. Tom’s anger died down instantly, Haz was right, you needed him.

“Come on.” He said as he took your hand and led you into the women’s bathroom. Once he made sure no one was in there, he locked the door and took your face in his hands.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly and you laughed sadly.

“Me? He bust your nose.” You said as you grabbed a few paper towels, wetting them and cleaning the blood that was still on his face.

“Worth it.” He laughed lightly.

“I’m so sorry Tom.” You sighed after a few moments as you felt tears brim your eyes, throwing the paper towels away once you were satisfied he was clean.

“You have nothing to apologise for. He’s a dickhead and I’ll make sure he never comes anywhere near you again.” He said as he ran his fingers through your hair.

“I’m still sorry though.” You sighed.

He didn’t reply, he leant forward and placed a soft kiss to your forehead, then your cheeks before finally connecting your lips. It felt to good to feel his lips against yours again, you’d missed him. Missed all the love he gave and it made you cry again.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m gonna make it better, I promise.” He pulled you back into his chest and it filled you with a comfort you’d not had since he last held you like this.

“I love you.” You said.

“I love you too. I’m sorry we didn’t try and work through things last time. I know we wanted to salvage a friendship but I never stopped loving you. I want us to try again but when you’re ready.” He said as he kissed your head.

“I am Tom.” You said.

“No love you’re not. What he’s done to you needs time and you need to give yourself some time darling. I’ll still be here every step of the way but you need to heal yourself first, okay? We need to push those insecurities back but we need to do it properly, you need to love yourself again first.”

You thought about what he said for a while. He was right, jumping straight back into a relationship was not the best idea, no matter how much you loved him and he loved you. You needed to take some time for yourself, heal yourself and build back your confidence. You understood what he meant; he was still going to be there but he was going to be there as a best friend would.

You realised in that moment what it meant to truly love someone. He was being selfless so that you could heal, he was giving you time because that’s what you needed and he was doing that because he truly loved and cared for you.

“You’re right.” You nodded.

“I’ll still be here, still be there for you, I promise. It’ll take time but that’s okay, I’ll still be waiting but you have to promise you’ll take all the time you need.” He said as he placed a kiss to your forehead.

“I promise.”

[the-midnight-feline]

¤¸¸.•´¯`•¸¸.•..>> So this piece is actually part of the Piliin mo ang Pilipinas Collab event hosted by @lumpiang-toge, you guys should seriously check this out since the works posted there are such good reads ❤️️<<..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸¤

this is the first time i've joined a collab, (ngl i thought i was waaay in over my head lol) i'd like to thank a friend of mine, Dylan, (won't tag his blog just cause, loves you for reading it !) thanks so much for the encouraging words ❤️ and of course Mama Rae (@hq-girl-next-door) for the advice on the banner**❤️

**For the banner I did, I took the image from pinterest, if you guys know who the artist is, please let me know so I could properly give credit to them :)

Tags/TW: Mutual pinning-ish, friends to lovers, fluff to angst, Cheating, swearing (I think theres one or two in there)

(A/N: Please don't get too confused /-\, the italic parts is you recollecting the past, it comes and goes (。♡‿♡。))

WC: 3.8k ;-; didn't know it get that long

Pairings: Tendou Satori x fem!Reader

Summary: It all started with a simple crush, you wouldn't have guessed that it'll be more than that, It was a dream come true to loved and be loved by the person you loved, but not all dreams end good, some end as a nightmare.

“You like the Guess Monster, like THE Guess Monster?!?!” your friends shouted in unison, looking at them frantically as you’re in the gym watching the guys warm up for a practice match and the way they shouted had the sounds of balls hitting the floor just below where your group sat, you willed yourself to look at the who were the people below you guys trying repress the blush you feel creeping on your cheeks, swallowing that lump on your throat as you peaked just a little over the ledge and saw his red hair. Internally cussing out your so-called friends, you tired to act like you calm and collected as he was looking up at the bleachers, maybe trying to guess which one in your group, who was also looking over at whoever heard them, liked him, shaking his head, chuckling toward Ushijima and Semi who was already making their way to the court to get this warm up started.

A single tear began rolling down your cheek as you remembered how it all began, your friends’ sudden outburst in the gym gave you the opportunity to talk to the guy you’ve been crushing on when you first saw him in the opening ceremony just something about him drew you to him and you were adamant on getting to, at the least, know him. Sitting on the floor of your shared bedroom, opening the memory box you and your husband made a few months after you started dating.

Semi knew your friend, he actually liked her and from that outburst of theirs at the gym, he 89immediately thought of a way to hit two birds with one stone. “hey, y/f/n, I heard you guys at the bleachers, sooo” scratching he neck out of shyness “which of your friends like our Tendou? Maybe we could setup a date or something?" He really liked your friend and would honestly do anything to get her on a date, she pointed to you, the quiet in of the group, usually the source of rationality and guidance, the one that acts like the mediator of the group. You really always kept to yourself, didn’t really want to attract attention towards yourself. Semi was skeptical at first, you the quiet, shy girl of the class liked that loud ass friend of his? Maybe y/f/n was pulling his leg, she can’t be serious.

A bitter laugh escapes your lips as the memory of your first date comes crashing on you as see the pressed flower from the little hole in the wall café near the school, Semi was the one that found that café and planned every detail of the date.

As you and your friend were walking towards the café Semi told her about, you were itching to just keep hitting your friends back “why the hell did you fucking agree to this?!!” you hissed at your friend, you were practically shooting daggers at her for saying yes on your behalf and you didn’t even know what she agreed to but she told you to get dolled up, silly you, thinking that it’ll be just a girls day out, but peering over her shoulder as your guys walk out of the dorm, you see her texting Semi, thinking maybe it was him asking for notes since they were in the same class. She led you to this small café and you guys sat at a corner booth, making you sit inside by the wall, you really thought nothing of it, until you saw that distinctive red hair bounding towards your booth. Your palms got a tad sweaty, nerves getting the best of you, a million thoughts racing in your mind that you didn’t notice that the Tendou Satori was there taking the seat opposite of you in the booth, the ever infectious smile directed towards you and you alone. Seeing as you and Satori were basically having a silent conversation with just your smiles, Semi and your friend made a discreet exit and left you two be. Little did you know, he often saw you around, he knows you like shounen jump as much as he does since he sees you go to the store he usually goes to, he knows what snacks you liked since he usually goes out at the middle of the night to get some snacks of his own at the convenience store around the corner. He sees you in the library with your nose buried in some book when he follows Semi there just to annoy him. Tendou didn’t tell anybody about the girl he liked from afar, he knew he’d scare you off, no one wanted to date a Monster, or that’s what he thought.

Looking back, that impromptu date was what started the relationship with Satori, a soft sob escapes your lips as tears gently fall on the first picture you have together, he suddenly rang you up and asked you to go to the mall with him. In the picture, he had his arm wrapped around your shoulder while you were hugging his waist tightly, seemingly scared that being with him was a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

Getting out of the shower, you hear your phone ring from under your pillow, confused as to who might that be since it was an unknown number calling you, curious you answered it. “hey y/n! I know it’s kinda out of the blue but, you wanna go to the mall with me?” shock was evident in your body, it was Tendou! Your thoughts was scrambling, you know you didn’t get a chance to give him your number before you guys parted ways on your first meeting since Coach Washijo made Ushijima contact both guys for a weekend practice. You knew the coach was a hot head and would make anymore run 50 laps if they were late and that was a few weeks ago, a worried Tendou called out to you again “uh…y/n? If you have other plans I totally under-“ blinking back to the present “I’d love to go! Lemme get ready and I’ll meet you down” you cut him off midsentence hearing a small chuckle at the other line “don’t make me wait too long ok?” he said in a teasing tone which made you giggle on the line “yes, yes Satori, I’ll hang up so I could get ready ok? See you!” it took every ounce of self-control to not shriek the whole conversation, once he hung up you were practically jumping on your bed out of pure joy, but then you remembered that he’ll be waiting, you quickly snapped out of it and looked through your dresser for a decent outfit for going out with Tendou, you quickly settled with a simple get up of a long sleeved shirt and pants with some sneakers on, you excitedly exited your room, to meet up with Tendou, hoping you haven’t made him wait too long, turning the last corner you see him outside your dorm, almost wearing the same thing as you, even the color of your shoes match, biting your lip to stop a stupid smile from taking over you walk up behind him, gently poking his side, his sudden jump made you giggle as he took in all of you, a smile makes its way on his lips and eyes as he himself lets out a chuckle. “y/n? Are you copying me?” shaking your head, letting a small laugh out “Satori, please you’re the one copying me here” he just shook his out of amusement when he saw the glint of teasing in your eyes before he offended his arm to you like a gentleman would, the small action made you faint blush.

You two spent the day just walking around the mall, just browsing from store to store, having just a blast at all the random comments he makes, the last stop you guys make was the arcade, you guys played all sorts of games, air hockey, tried your luck at a pachinko machine and Tendou even tried the basketball game, which he surprisingly good at that he won a lot of tickets getting you a small rubiks cube, but near the back of the arcade something caught your eye, a purikura, Tendou saw where your eyes went and with a small smile he took your hand and walked towards the machine, and ushered you in the booth, he felt at comfortable around you, he would’ve never guessed that you were a crack head like, random outbursts of ideas and thoughts spouted from you made him laugh as you spent time together. He quickly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him, a flash went off, that was the first shot, with the blush creeping on your cheeks you hid your face under your hair and hugged him another flash went off, that was the second shot, he tipped you head up, making you look at him, his infectious smile directed at you as another flash went off, and the last shot was of him kissing your forehead. You were left speechless after that whole scenario, seemingly in a dazed as he guided you out and grab the prints of the photos. That’s how you guys ended the date, he held your hand in his all the way back to the dorms, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek as you parted ways.

Rummaging further through the memory box, you see all the mementos you both kept from your dates, a few fallen leaves, a couple of pretty rocks, stickers, napkins, flowers, pictures, the cork from the bottle of champagne you drank at your wedding. More tears fell from your eyes as you dug through all the stuff in the box, who knew you both collected a lot of things in just a couple of years. What made you sob so hard was the acceptance letters you both got when you were selected as the few students for the incoming year.

A few months before graduation, you both got accepted into a culinary school in Tokyo, you were ecstatic as this means you and Tendou could get a place together since your parents already gave you two a small amount to get a place near the school so you two could still practice and create new dishes together, it was really no surprise to your friends or the whole volleyball team that you two would get into culinary school, you’ve always had a thing for cooking, you’d often come their practices with some bento boxes for all of the guys so they don’t have to go out and spend for food, on the weekends, the kitchen was his domain he’d let you watch him bake and oftentimes let you help him out. It’s often that the whole group get together during the weekends, you cooking for them while Tendou makes that dessert. For some reason, they got jealous of how your relationship started, it was as if all the pieces just fell into place at the right time, you two together just seemed right like you two were always suppose to be with each other. There’s always been a carefree air around him, it calmed you down so much that it helped you be more open or that’s how you saw it. You were the opposite of him always worrying, always, over thinking, being overly critical of your actions and how you overwhelmed with everything so you turned to anything that’ll help you divert your mind but once he was in your life it just got easier. He voice would immediately calm the voices spewing negative thoughts I had your head.

Looking around your room, you see pictures of you together, your graduation picture, the picture of you guys on the front of the school, the picture of your guys graduating culinary school, a photo of you two at the restaurant where you two both apprenticed and next to that was the candid shot of his proposal there, a mix of joy and hurt shoot through you as you the memory come rushing back to you.

The way he sheepishly confessed that he asked the manager if he could do his proposal there and invite your family and friends for that surprise. “Hey y/n, come with me, a customer just complained about the sauce you made being too salty, I’m not taking blame for that!” an angry chef came shouting at you, shocked and anxiousness dunning through you, you timidly follow behind him, thinking how you could screw up a simple sauce like that, your thoughts were everywhere, but once you stepped outside the kitchen you noted that the dining area was dimmer then usual, but maybe that’s because you’re used to the bright lights of the kitchen, you hear a soft melody playing, it’s one of your favourite songs ‘I Choose' you’ve always related that song to your relationship. On the far wall you see photos of you together, looking around you see familiar faces, his and your parents, your friends, the Shiratorizawa boys were there even the coach came!

The euphoria you felt from having everyone who had been part of your relationship through the ups and downs just had you in tears, your head was fuzzy with the mix of a dozen emotions swirling in you, through a blur of tears you see him kneeling in front of you, he let out a huff of breath to calm his nerves before asking you the question “y/n, my love, my baby, my better half, my paradise. You’ve stuck by my side through my highs and lows, loved me unconditionally, took care of me whenever I got sick, urged me to follow my dreams, guided me into being a better guy, especially with my chocolate making you supported my dreams like no other can, you, you made my world complete, you made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, you gave me your heart to cherish and protect. You made my life whole” the words flowed out of his mouth so freely, every word making more tears come out of you, every word so heartfelt, with shakey hands we presented you a pear cut yellow emerald ring “My Paradise, would you do me the honor of being my paradise for eternity?” no words could express how happy you were nodding your head, trying to stop happy tears from falling a hushed ‘yes’ slips past you lips as he stands to slip the ring on your left hand, pulling you in for a tight hug, whispering endless I love you’s and thank you in your ears as the people around you cheered for the newly engaged couple.

Biting back another sob, you feel fresh tears streaming down your cheeks as your eyes land on your wedding photo above the bed, he loved you enough to marry you, he was yours and you were his, you can’t help but stare at the framed photo, he had that infectious smile of his that made you fall from him the day you saw him. He has you up in his arms as your arms were wrapped around his neck, pecking a sweet kiss on his cheek. You asked him many times if he’d like to blowup another photo from your wedding, he simply shook his head and wrapped you up in his arms “you’re perfect in any picture of us, but in that one you look like the most perfect human being in existence and I’m just lucky to have you in my life” you basked in his love and affection on those simple words pulling him closer and burying you face on his chest, inhaling his sweet scent “I’m lucky to have you Tori, lucky to be called your wife” placing a chaste kiss on his chest as you look up to him with love-struck eyes. This was it you guys moved countries after your wedding to France since Tendou was offered a job at a famous pâtisserie there, all you wanted was your husband happy, wherever you guys may be.

You never really cared where you two were, as long as you were together, you could get lessons on the French cuisine as Tendou works, that was the plan before you guys flew out. You worked hard to learn the basics, you’d often have Tendou taste test all your creations and you’ll you the same for him since he likes to experiment with different flavor combinations, things were great the first few months of moving cross countries, you enrolled in a cooking classes there to build up your repertoire and after a few weeks of learning a few new techniques you've decided to look around for places you could work at just to keep your body busy again. You've decorated the apartment the way you liked it and how you think Tendou would like it, just adding different odds and ends giving it a familiar vibe. This place was your starting ground.

When you got a job at the nearby bistro, Tendou didn’t really mind it, since he’d often come home a bit later then usual saying something along the lines of making things in the experiment lab with the other chocolatiers at the shop to have something new for the upcoming season, in turn you thought nothing of it since you do work nights after getting a gig in a restaurant in town as well, it also means you could still have time to make his dinner and keep it warm for when he gets home. You two actually got into an argument when you got that gig since Tendou was adamant about keeping you in the apartment after the morning shift at the bistro so you don’t work yourself too hard, he wanted to start thinking about getting a kitten to keep you company when he’s out working but you argued back that you didn’t wanna feel like mooching off of him even though he said it was fine, he loved coming home to a warm meal that you made with love and gets more time to spend with you, but he did cave in after a few bats of your eyelashes.

It was perfect, you both were doing what you were passionate about, you two scheduled your offs near each other’s so one could take care of each other after a long day. But there was this weird feeling creeping in you but you simply don’t know why it was there, you and Tendou always kept communication open since you two do work different shifts and that itself puts a strain in the relationship but you two made it work. You loved him. So you would really sacrifice anything for him, he had have a rough childhood, he was bullied cause he looked different, acted different, but he wasn’t like that for you, he never was, even though he had a wicked sense for things which really surprised you, you can’t even hide a gift from him cause he knew what you’d get him or more likely sense what you’ll give him.

You don’t tell him that you swapped shifts with someone so you technically have a day off so you decided to drop by the pâtisserie where Tendou worked with some home made Pan Bagnat since it was nearing lunch, as you were close to the shop you saw his figure near the window placing new confections on display, but something made you stop, another person, a female chocolatier, was hugging him from behind and not in a friendly way, there was familiarity to it, it looked as if she’s been hugging him for so long, like she’s always hugged him, you didn’t notice that you’ve dropped the basket you were holding on the sidewalk, the glass bottle shattering on impact, the sangria spilling on the pavement, the sandwich you made, making a mess, the fruits you packed rolling in every direction. People around gasped at the scene, some tried to help in picking up the fruits that escaped, your mind in thought again, maybe you just interpreted it wrongly they’re just so so close, like a brother and sister kinda way, since they both work in the shop, you simply jumped to conclusions too fast, those thought completely vanished as the next sight you saw.

She kissed him. SHE KISSED HIM!! Your mind played that in your head like it was a song played on a loop. That was what made your heart break, that was the tipping point, he didn’t push her away, it was the opposite, he pulled her closer, the way he held her mirrored how he would hold you when he came home from work, people around you were asking you things trying to snap you out of your trance but you paid no mind to them, your legs moving on their own.

It was as if you were on autopilot, you got home, your mind racing with so many thoughts, how long had that been going on? Is she why he’d come home later than usual, is she the reason he had woken up earlier to get to work everyday? Did he spend his days off with her when you suddenly get shifts? Walking into your apartment, you didn’t know what to think, how to feel, how to make sense of things more questions come into your mind. Does he bring her here? Did they do anything sexual in the place you called home? What places were safe? Did she please him better than I did? You walked into your bedroom where the memory box laid in the middle of bed. It was your first wedding anniversary, did he really forget? Your anniversary was engraved on your wedding rings with your initials on it.

A scream of agony escaped your lips as everywhere you looked at it was all you and him the very place you thought was the safest of all was not. It's tainted with infidelity, your heart broke even more as you took the box from the bed with shaking hands contemplating on whether to open the box or not, he loved you with every part of him didn’t he? You were enough weren’t you? You made sure he was satisfied right? You gave him all the love you could and even more right? Didn’t he promise you that he’d protect your heart? You're still his paradise right? He loves you right?

Maybe opening the box, and finding something that you both placed in there would make him rethink his choices right? With broken sobs and uneven breathing, your fingers shaking as you pulled the pretty red ribbon that held the lid shut, looking at all the things that you both collected that reminded you both that you loved each other you broke even more. Every one of them held the promise of love, of fidelity, of trust. But now, a part of you is doubting every word that passed his lips, every kiss that landed on your skin made you feel dirty, every I love you's he uttered seems like a lie. You didn’t want to feel that way, you love him with every part of your being, you’re THE Mrs. Satori Tendou, no one else but you had that title, just you, it was only you right? You were his paradise for eternity right? Right?

★──────────★───────────────★─────────★

I hope you guys liked this, I actually really liked working on this one(played my brokenhearts plays it nonstop for it) , but I do have another one coming so...yeah!

Song inspiration :Anong Nangyari Sa Ating Dalawa by Aiza Seguerra

Song used in the proposal I Choose by Alessia Cara

[12tardis]

Empire Line (Part 1/?)

Warnings: none

Summary: Newt has been in love with you since your second year at Hogwarts. You have been in love with Newt for nearly as long. You’re both ridiculously oblivious and you think he has feelings for Tina. Will Newt set the record straight before he loses you for good?

Pairings: Newt Scamander x Reader, Reader x OC (super brief)

A/N: Sooooooo this is part 1 of ? maybe 2 or 3 I really really really hope you like it bc I’ve slaved over this one. I’ve been wanting to write something more than just one shots for a while but my self esteem hit rock bottom this last couple months and that has bled over into my writing- hence why I’ve been so absent on here I’m so sorry fam ☹ In my head, this is a companion piece to I’m Gonna Keep You In Love With Me , it’s their origin story. Pls let me know your thoughts! I’d love to know what you think or where you think it’s headed. What do we think of Alistair?... Title: Empire Line by The National - literally listened to this on repeat while writing this

Taglist (I LOVE YALL): @auror-lovie @moonkissk7 @sagittarius-flowerchild @fishdonttouch @cal-ifornication @haileygarciasunshine

You had been completely in love with your best friend Newt Scamander since your school days at Hogwarts. You two had been inseparable since you first met and were now living together in a shared flat in London as you had been for the past few years since graduation.

You had tried to make your feelings known several times over the span of your friendship but Newt was either oblivious or pretending to be so he didn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of turning you down. You thought it was the former but as the years drew on you grew suspicious because how could one person be so completely clueless?

The unrequited love was recently becoming harder and harder for you to push aside. Your heart ached with every letter he exchanged with your dear friend Tina and your stomach knotted every time he would mention her in passing.

At the end of the day his happiness was all that mattered to you and if Tina was the one to bring him that then you would accept it. You just weren’t sure how you would bear it when they finally did get together.

Maybe it was time for you to move on and open your heart up to other possibilities. Merlin knows there’d been plenty of willing men ever the years, but you’d always held out hope that the love of your life would one day return your feelings.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to settle for someone else.

Once you finished your cup of tea you set the empty mug in the sink and grabbed your handbag before you left the flat, starting the journey to your workplace. Walking through the streets distractedly you thought over all the times you had tried to tell Newt how you felt.

The most recent time was when you’d been standing beside him a few months ago, posing for a photo for the newspaper at one of his book signings. You were so immensely proud of Newt for his hard work and dedication in pursuing his passion despite everyone that had ridiculed him for it throughout his life.

You had accompanied him in his travels while he wrote the book and had only fallen more in love with your best friend as you watched him in his element. And you thought maybe he may have returned your feelings considering he’d dedicated the book to you. Even his brother Theseus had dropped a couple of not-so-subtle hints your way regarding you and his younger brother.

So, as you stood beside him a few months ago at his first book signing you held his hand tightly in your own. You were pressed close to him and beaming with pride for the camera and you caught yourself glancing up at him where he stood beside you. He looked so uncomfortable and nervous in front of the camera but at the same time he was just so ridiculously handsome. You continued to gaze up at him adoringly after the photographer had moved on, squeezing his hand.

“I love you.”

You uttered the words before you could even stop yourself. It just felt so right and after everything that had happened over the past few months you were certain you had ‘something’. But when he looked back down at you with a crooked smile and squeezed your shoulder casually you felt a sinking sensation in your stomach.

“I love you too,” he said back with such ease that you just knew he only meant it as a friend. Your smile dropped for a split second, but you quickly composed yourself, letting go of his hand.

“Aaaaand I’m going to go find myself a drink,” you said in a fake bright voice, leaving him behind, completely unaware of the way he was staring after you yearningly.

What you didn’t see was the older woman that stepped over to him telling him that you were a lovely couple. And you definitely didn’t see the way he smiled back at the woman, thanking her softly as he continued to look at your retreating figure.

People were always mistaking you for a couple. It had been a regular occurrence since you were 5th years but unbeknownst to you - Newt had recently stopped correcting people when they made the same assumption. Instead opting to smile warmly in response and allow himself to get lost in the illusion for the briefest moment.

                                          -     -     -     -     -     -

You sighed to yourself as you reminisced on the memory, slipping your apron over your head once you arrived at work. That particular moment had taken you a good few weeks to get over.

Were you that undesirable to Newt that he didn’t even consider the possibility of you harbouring romantic feelings for him beyond friendship?

And then there’d been the numerous events you’d asked him to over the years.

You had been the one to ask him to the Yule Ball in your 6th year.

You’d asked him to attend your brother's wedding with you a few years after.

Once again you’d asked him to go as your date with you to a cocktail ball your work company held just the previous year.

And each and every time he knocked you back. His excuses ranged from: ‘it’s not my scene’, to ‘Pickett is under the weather’. And each rejection hurt more than the last.

To his credit though, he did eventually change his mind each time and always ended up being the best plus one there ever was. But that didn’t quite erase the embarrassment and heartache you felt every time he turned you down.

Just last week you’d asked him to go with you to your old school friend’s wedding. You’d thought he’d agree easily this time as Sarah was a mutual Hufflepuff friend of both of yours and she and Newt had always gotten along but he’d simply told you, “I’ll think about it,” before he had scurried off to his bedroom.

“Excuse me, are you open yet?” You snapped out of your musings once more when you heard the first customer for the day enter the shop, plastering a bright smile on your face. You were determined to have a good day.

                                           -     -     -     -     -     -

Newt walked into the kitchen shortly after you’d left for the day, frowning when he saw you had indeed left without saying goodbye and that you’d forgotten your lunch too.

He was worried about you lately. You usually always wished him a good day before you headed off anywhere and you hadn’t done so a couple of times now during the last few weeks. You also appeared to be forgetting meals here and there too.

You had been uncharacteristically quiet since the two of you had returned back from New York and Newt figured you must have been upset about leaving behind Queenie and Tina.

He knew how much you had bonded with the Goldstein sisters and he’d tried his best to cheer you up but everything he tried appeared to be futile as the smile would disappear from your face after a few moments and you’d just go back to tending to your plants or reading your books.

The only thing that seemed to grab your attention was when he would talk about Tina so he found himself mentioning the other woman most days, feeling a sense of relief when you would actually utter more than a few words in response. But something still seemed off.

He didn’t have the slightest clue about the heart ache you felt each time he uttered the other woman’s name.

Newt grabbed your lunch off of the counter and made his way to your workplace, figuring he could grab some things from the nearby grocers afterwards. He was planning to cook your favourite meal for dinner in the hopes to cheer you up a bit and maybe ask if there was something upsetting you recently.

Smiling to himself when he arrived at the small plant nursery where you worked, he leaned in the doorframe as he watched you tend to the plants, humming quietly to yourself. He saw you happy and at ease for the first time in weeks and he couldn’t help the grin that spread on his face at seeing you huff in annoyance when you couldn’t reach one of the hanging plants, stretching up onto your toes to try and reach the offending plant. How could one person be so adorable?

He was just about to step in and retrieve it for you when another gentleman walked over to you, resting a hand on your waist as he leant over you to grab the planter down. The smile dropped from Newt’s face immediately as he watched this man grin down at you, still completely in your personal space.

The mystery man set the plant down on the counter in front of you and Newt felt bile rise in his throat at the giggle you let out when the man leant in even closer to you, brushing some soil from your face. He was obviously a co-worker of yours and Newt felt awful because he should have been happy that you were happy, considering your previous co-worker had been horrible to you but when he saw the way the other guy still had his hand on your waist he felt nothing but jealousy.

Who was this guy?

Why hadn’t you told him you had a new co-worker?

You usually told him everything.

He thought you told him everything.

And WHY was the guy still gripping your waist like that?

Jealousy. It was a rare feeling for him to experience but it definitely wasn’t a new one. He’d experienced it every time someone had come along over the years and dared to look at you a little too long, or touch you with too much familiarity.

And every time, he felt like the world's biggest ass because he knew he didn’t have some claim to you. You weren’t some prize to be won or fought over, and yet here he was, gritting his teeth as he watched the other man make you laugh and swoon, just like he wished he could.

It took him back to the very first time he’d experienced the wrath of the green-eyed monster when you were 3rd years at Hogwarts.

                                           -     -     -     -     -     -

Newt was rushing towards the common room to find you with the new Pixie he’d just found hidden in his robes. He was excited to show you his discovery because you’d been particularly fascinated in the pixies when you’d studied them in class but as he stepped into the common room he was entirely unprepared for the sight that greeted him.

Pierce Brixley, one of the popular Hufflepuff 5th years, was gripping your shoulders and saying something to you with a megawatt smile on his face.

He couldn’t quite make out what either of you were saying as he made his way towards you, pausing in his tracks when Pierce leant in and planted an eager kiss on your cheek. Newt then felt a foreign twisting sensation in his stomach as he watched you lift a hand to your cheek to brush over where Pierce’s lips had just been, laughing while you waved to the older boy as he turned to leave.

“You saved my life, Y/N!”, Pierce called out to you over his shoulder as he rushed to leave the room. Newt noticed the other boy had a potted plant grasped in his hands.

“Oh, hi Newt!”, he grinned but Newt simply nodded at him wordlessly, watching him leave the common room in a rush.

He didn’t know what this strange feeling was that had just washed over him. Newt really liked Pierce. The older Hufflepuff had gotten him out of strife with some of his bullies several times and had even offered to help him with his studies from time to time.

So why did Newt suddenly feel the urge to jinx him?

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you since Charms”, you beamed at him, practically bounding over to him and tipping your head aside at the blank expression he wore.

“What was that about?”, he asked, completely ignoring your earlier statement, feeling a twitch of annoyance when you frowned at him in confusion “with Pierce,” he quickly clarified.

“Oh! Right that,” you laughed, shaking your head.

“He was panicking yesterday because it’s his girlfriend's birthday tomorrow and he accidentally squashed the Puffapod he’d gotten for her but it was fine because I found some growing out by the pumpkin patch- remember that time?”, you barely paused for breath, waiting for him to nod in affirmation.

“Yeah so I just gave him a new one that I dug up today. And now I have a sad but still hopeful Puffapod of my own to nurse!” You smiled as you held up the crushed and wilted flower for him to see.

And just like that the foreign sensation in his gut was gone and he felt normal again.

“So, I got him out of a pickle apparently but I’m not too sure about that because I don’t know who in their right mind thinks a Puffapod is a romantic gift! They make you dizzy if you mishandle them, did you know that? I certainly wouldn’t appreciate that as a gift.”

You rambled on so quickly that Newt was struggling to keep up, but he couldn’t stop his growing smile because he absolutely loved listening and watching you go off on tangents. You were so passionate about plants and flowers and he utterly adored the way your eyes would light up when you got carried away talking about them.

He gazed back at you as you continued to talk about the qualities of a Puffpod while you inspected the plant in your hands, trailing your fingers over the foliage.

“So, what kind of gift would you appreciate then?” he chuckled, smiling softly back at you and you blinked back at him because it wasn’t really something you had thought about.

“Uh...just something that shows genuine thought and care I guess- WAIT is that a Pixie?!”

                                           -     -     -     -     -     -

Newt was broken out of his daydreaming when he heard you laugh once more, and he cleared his throat when he decided you had spent way too long gazing back at the mystery man.

He gritted his teeth when said man was the one to turn to greet him while you went back to watering the plants, not noticing his presence in the shop.

“Hi there! How can I help you today?”, your co-worker said brightly, heading around the counter towards Newt.

Newt held up the lunch bag in his hand. “I came to see Y/N”, he said flatly, so flatly that he almost didn’t recognise his own voice.

Newt stared at you desperately feeling some of the tension leave him when you looked up to see him, a bright smile appearing on your face not a moment later.

“Newt!”

You smiled happily at him instinctively. You were always happy to see him, that much had never changed. It was just when you pictured him with Tina that that miserable shadow would fall over you again.

You cocked your head aside as you bounded over to him and Newt was entirely distracted by the sensation of his heart swelling on his chest at the sight of you, looking just like you did that time in your 3rd year.

Your lips parted when you recognised he was holding your lunch that you hadn’t even realised you’d forgotten. “Oh goodness, I totally forgot. Thank you, Newt! What would I do without you?”, you pecked him on the cheek quickly as you took the bag from him.

Newt blushed as he usually would at your affection, but he also felt a small sense of pride when he noticed the way your co-worker’s eyebrows shot up at the kiss.

“Starve probably,” he answered with a teasing smile, pausing when he spotted some lingering soil on your cheek that the other man had obviously failed to brush away.

He lifted his hand without a moment's hesitation and slowly and gently thumbed away the remaining dirt from your skin. Not noticing the way you held your breath and leant into his touch instinctively.

“I’ll see you later”, Newt murmured, dropping his hand quickly when he realised how long he’d been staring at you. He allowed his hand to brush down your arm, squeezing your hand in his own momentarily before he stepped away from you.

“Have a good day, Y/N,” he called looking back at you once he was in the doorway, simply nodding at your co-worker before he left the shop.

That evening when you arrived home to find Newt preparing your favourite meal for dinner, you’d felt a small spark of hope flourish in your chest, wondering if maybe he was trying to be romantic. Especially after that moment in the shop.

The meal was perfect, and you were sat there gazing back at Newt adoringly with your chin resting in your palm while he told you about his day with the creatures.

He paused in his ramblings as he got up “oh I nearly forgot, Tina wrote us both,” he grabbed two envelopes from the kitchen counter, passing you yours with a wide smile.

And just like that you felt all your hopes fade away once again. This time it really hurt to see the soft smile on his lips as he looked down at his own letter that looked considerably thicker than yours.

Of course it would be thicker than yours.

They were probably writing full romantic essays back and forth by now.

You plastered on a smile of resignation, pocketing your own letter and going straight to your bedroom once you’d finished cleaning up. Having no idea that Tina had actually written to Newt in great detail of all the reasons why she felt he needed to share his feelings for you.

                                        -     -     -     -     -     -

Newt had read over Tina’s letter at least a dozen times over the following week, knowing logically that everything the woman had written was true.

‘I know you’re nervous. Especially after all this time but you’ve known Y/N for so long now you know she would never ridicule you or lash out at you.

You should make the most of all the precious time you have together. Our time is never promised, I learnt that with the passing of my parents and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to be able to tell them how much I loved them.

I can’t tell you for sure how she will respond but you will be able to finally rest without wondering what could be. Be brave Newt.’

He’d been re-reading that specific page over and over again and he was finally building a plan in his head of how he was going to tell you.

There had been so many moments over the years when he’d nearly told you of his feelings. The words had truly been on the very tip of his tongue more times than he could count.

But every time he grew anxious and backed out, promising himself he’d tell you ‘next time’.

The most recent time had been just a fortnight earlier when you’d been down in his case with him.

He went to the markets to fetch you a box of your favourite pastries and a bouquet of your favourite flowers, planning to present them to you when you got home from work. He had set the sweets and flowers in his study to give to you later before he’d headed down to check on the creatures, running through what he would say to you in his head as he cleaned around the enclosures.

“Newt?”, he startled when he heard your voice call for him because you weren’t due home for another hour. He looked up in time to see you coming down the stairs towards him.

“You will not believe who’s getting married!”, you said excitedly, waving the opened wedding invitation in front of his face “Sarah! Oh I’m so excited, it’s next month and the venue is incredible. Please come with me? Please?” you rambled on quickly.

Newt felt the courage to tell you of his feelings completely disappearing as he looked back at you and how beautiful you looked gushing excitedly over the wedding of your mutual Hufflepuff friend. “I-I’ll think about it,” he stammered, turning his attention back to his creatures because he simply couldn’t trust himself to look at you any longer without blurting out everything he had on his mind.

He was so focused on managing his own emotions that he was entirely oblivious to the hurt that washed over your features and the dejected way you slumped your shoulders before you left him alone in his case.

That evening he ended up tossing the pastries to Dougal and leaving the flowers on the doorstep of your workplace for you to find the next day, figuring it wouldn’t be too strange for a floral bouquet to show up at a plant and floral shop.

                                       -     -     -     -     -     -

The next time he worked up the courage to tell you how he felt wasn’t for another two weeks. The weeks had passed rather uneventfully as you both had continued on in your usual routines.

It was that morning as he watched you feeding the Mooncalves with the sweetest smile on your lips and Pickett perched on your shoulder that he decided he was going to try and tell you again.

You had seemed to perk up again recently so he took that as a good sign and once you’d left for work that day he once again went to buy you your favourite flowers and even booked a table at one of the restaurants you’d been nagging him to go to. Yes, he was going to put himself entirely out of his comfort zone tonight if it meant winning your heart.

Time got away from him though as he did a few other errands and got caught up in a menswear shop when he decided on a whim that he was going to buy a nice suit that you would hopefully like. He recalled you telling him how much you liked him in blue, so he was feeling quite confident with himself as he wandered back to the flat with his new blue suit and your flowers in hand.

It was 5.30 now. You would most likely be home from work but he figured that still gave you both ample time to get ready for dinner and enough time for him to plan out what he was going to say to you like he hadn’t already been rehearsing all day.

But his newfound confidence dissipated immediately as he approached the front door, hearing your voice and a distinct male voice that he didn’t recognise. Just like that he felt every last drop of courage drain from his body as he stepped into the flat and saw the very same co-worker from a few weeks ago.

He was sitting at the dining room table smiling back at you while you had your head tipped back in laughter at something that he’d said.

                                            -     -     -     -     -     -

Completely unbeknownst to Newt you had spent the last two weeks trying your very hardest to train your heart out of beating erratically every time you saw your best friend smile. Or stopping your stomach from doing somersaults every time he looked back at you with a little too much interest.

Sure, you loved him more than anything or anyone, but you simply couldn’t take any more of listening to him gush on and on about Tina. You knew it was time for you to move on.

So, you had to get over him and that meant turning your attention to your co-worker, Alistair. He was handsome, he was flirty, he was passionate about plants like you and most importantly he was into you.

You were still down in the dumps from Newt turning down your invite to Sarah’s wedding as you walked to work the next day but as you stepped towards the shop the most incredible bouquet of flowers sat waiting for you against the shop door. You felt your chest tighten as you scooped up the arrangement, seeing it was all your favourites.

“Blegh, who puts sunflowers with peonies and ranunculi?” Alistair said from beside you, having just arrived. You looked back at him suspiciously.

“...they’re my favourite flowers,” you said slowly, watching him closely because you were certain he’d heard you telling a customer that much just a few days ago.

“Oh, I knew that, I was just joking” Alistair played it off casually with a wink and such a charming smile that you were convinced he’d been the one to leave them for you.

When he set his hand on your waist and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek you were certain it had been him.

Who else could it be?

                                           -     -     -     -     -     -

“Oh hi, Newt! This is Alistair I’m not sure you’ve met properly yet,” you said brightly when you noticed Newt had arrived home, gesturing to the man sitting across from you. Alistair looked Newt up and down, keeping a pleasant smile on his face as he eyed the flowers Newt had tucked under his arm. Almost an exact replica of the bouquet from the other week, just in a different colour arrangement.

“Pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard plenty about you,” he said smoothly, holding his hand out to Newt.

Newt shook Alistair’s hand begrudgingly, feeling completely intimidated by just how classically handsome and built the other man was. He could never compare.

“Nice flowers you got there,” Alistair nodded at the bouquet just as you jumped to your feet excitedly, finally noticing the flowers.

“Uh...yeah I just found these on the doorstep,” Newt lied, holding the flowers out to you and stiffening at the calculating look Alistair was now giving him.

You blinked a few times as you took the stunning bouquet from Newt, whipping your head aside to look at Alistair.

“I KNEW it was you!”, you said happily as you poked a finger into Alistair’s chest, completely missing the look of confusion that passed over his face for a fleeting moment.

And missing the look of alarm Newt was giving you.

“You tried to pretend you didn’t know what my favourite flowers were! When did you even have the time to put them there?”, you giggled, truly thinking Alistair had managed to pull off such a romantic feat.

Newt gritted his teeth, feeling the strongest flare of jealousy yet when he saw Alistair quickly compose himself and plaster that stupid smug smirk back on his face “well I had them delivered of course,” he lied smoothly as his eyes flicked to Newt.

The two men locked eyes for a moment. Alistair was silently challenging Newt to tell you otherwise. Newt glanced back at you, opening his mouth to protest but he stopped himself just as quickly when he saw the happy glimmer in your eyes.

He just didn’t have the heart to ruin your good mood especially considering how down you had been lately.

So what if you thought the flowers came from Alistair? It was a harmless misunderstanding, right?

Not a moment later you were pressing a kiss to Alistair’s cheek and Newt was gritting his teeth again.

You wandered away to find a vase for the flowers, leaving the two men alone to just stare at each other. Alistair looked back at Newt and the stony expression he now wore, clearing his throat after a moment.

“I should really get going, Y/N,” he called out, keeping his gaze fixed firmly on Newt, another fake smile gracing his lips when you turned to look at him.

“It was nice to meet you, Newt.”

Alistair walked over to you and Newt wanted to die as he watched him press a kiss to the top of your head and saw the shy smile you gave him in return.

Newt briefly considered throwing the damn bouquet into his case for the creatures to feast on when you went to see Alistair off but when you returned to the room, he felt a horrible sense of guilt settle in his chest. You looked so happy and touched by the notion and he just didn’t have the will to wipe that smile from your face.

Would you have been so happy if you’d known who they were truly from?

Probably not.

“He seems nice,” he murmured quietly, staring back at you desperately and hoping you would realise the truth. But when you nodded your head in response, he knew it was a pointless hope.

“Yeah he’s lovely. He’s uh, a bit of a handful sometimes but he’s really sweet and he doesn’t get bored of all my plant talk,” you laughed, looking back at Newt, nodding at the bag he had in his hand “what did you buy?”

“Oh, just some stuff for in the case,” he lied quickly, forcing a smile at you before he walked away, pretending that his heart wasn’t in total shambles.

He decided it didn’t matter who the flowers were really from. All that mattered was that you were happy.

                                           -     -     -     -     -     -

Another week passed and Newt didn’t hear or see anything more of Alistair much to his relief. Strangely, you appeared to have slipped back into your more quiet subdued self and Newt was worried again.

Had Alistair done something to upset you maybe?

In actual fact you’d been wallowing for a few days now since you’d happened to glimpse one of Newt’s letters from Tina, mistakenly thinking it was yours.

‘Newt,

There is so much to admire about you. You are handsome and inspiring and truly one of a kind. I know Queenie agrees with me on this. Don’t sell yourself short. Much love,

Tina

Not only were you completely unaware that the true intention of the letter was more of a friendly pep talk on Tina’s behalf after Newt had written to her about his failure in telling you his feelings and detailing how charming Alistair was comparatively. But you were also hurt to think that Newt had neglected to tell you that he and Tina had made things official.

Sure, the letter was a little lacklustre and you could think of roughly two thousand things to add to the list of things to admire about Newt, but it was still clearly a letter between two people holding affection for one another.

It wasn’t an idea you really wanted to accept yet, so you decided the safest course of action for your bruised heart was to limit your time with Newt. So as a result, you’d been busying yourself throughout the week with your garden.

He would tell you about his new relationship with Tina when he was ready, and you would smile and support him like a good friend.

You’d been up in your bedroom all morning and Newt was concerned so he set about making you a cup of tea deciding he would go and check on you but he nearly dropped the mug in his hand when you came sweeping into the kitchen, dressed up to the nines in the most magnificent dress he’d never seen before.

Your lips were painted to perfection and your hair was styled to frame your face. His chest was aching from your sheer beauty.

“Y/N, you look...incredible,” he breathed, his mouth agape as he looked back at you. “What’s...what’s the occasion?”, he managed to ask eventually, moving closer to you instinctively.

You were completely taken aback by his reaction and his sweet words because he almost looked...awed? You shook the thought away, remembering the letter from Tina and frowned at him.

“It’s Sarah’s wedding? Remember you were invited? I told you about it last month?”, you walked away from him when the doorbell rang, and Newt stared after you helplessly.

Had Sarah’s wedding seriously snuck up that quickly?

Why hadn’t you mentioned it to him again?

Usually you would remind him of such events with a few weeks’ notice, giving him plenty of time to get his act together.

He felt his stomach drop and he understood exactly why you hadn’t mentioned the wedding to him again when he saw you pull the front door open, revealing a fancy suit-clad Alistair. You were taking a practical stranger as your date to the wedding of one of your oldest friends and boy did that feel like a kick in the guts.

“Y/N, didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to out-shine the bride on her wedding day?”, Alistair said loudly as he walked into the apartment, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. Newt rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might roll right out of his head.

“Oh, you won’t be saying that when you see Sarah. She’s actual perfection”, you smiled back at Alistair bashfully.

“I highly doubt there is going to be a single lady who can hold a candle to you today”, Alistair smirked, and Newt grit his teeth because that was something he could actually agree upon but just the way the other man was leering at you as he said it had Newt wanting to cover you up in one of his long coats. They always did swim on your frame.

Alistair eventually stopped his leering long enough to thrust a huge bouquet of flowers into your face. You raised your eyebrows because this time it was a giant bouquet of red roses.

“I thought it was about time to change it up a little, don’t you think?”, Alistair smiled, reaching out to toy with a strand of your hair, making Newt want to break his hand.

When you just stared at the roses wordlessly Alistair pressed a kiss to your cheek “I think Roses are much better suited to a lady such as yourself. Elegant, beautiful and the flower of romance.”

As you took the bouquet from Alistair and offered him a thankful smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes Newt found himself being thrown back into his Hogwarts days when he’d first learned the truth of why you didn’t like roses.

                                            -     -     -     -     -     -

“Now remember this spell will only heal minor injuries.  Anything beyond that and I highly suggest that you still take a visit to the hospital wing.” Professor Jamieson’s dry voice carried through the classroom.

“Now repeat after me ep-PIS-kee...Episkey. Good.”

Newt was sat beside you in charms class during your second year, fidgeting with his quill nervously as he prayed the Professor wouldn’t call on him to demonstrate for the class.

Professor Jamieson had a penchant for making the entire class demonstrate their pronunciation and wand motions and it was often a source of great embarrassment for Newt as he would stutter when the entire class was watching him.

Newt groaned quietly from his spot beside you when the teacher did just that and he began to bounce his knee nervously as the students began to take turns one by one.

He blinked in surprise when you lay your hand on his knee. You offered him a smile of comfort and he felt his nerves melt away for a moment as he found himself getting lost in your eyes and the soft curve of your lips.

That moment was short lived though as the Professor had the class begin to recite the spell and the motion one by one.

He desperately whispered the spell to himself under his breath, but of course once it was his turn he froze, staring down at his desk as he fumbled with his wand.

Everyone’s eyes were on him as you nudged him gently and the Professor called on him again.

“...Ep-p-p...p-pisskey,” his flushed deep red right to his ears as one Colin Fligshaw guwaffed with laughter, already mocking Newt from the back of the classroom.

“P-p-p-p please Professor! I only speak FREAK!”, Colin mocked, and Newt sat in complete humiliation wanting nothing more than to disappear as the other students began to laugh along.

That was until you threw your ink pot with shocking accuracy, hitting Colin in the middle of his head and sending the ink all over the boy and his robes “Merlin, YOU’RE A GIT, FLIGSHAW!”

Your angry voice carried through the classroom as everyone else sat in stunned silence and Newt stared at you like you’d grown a second head.

“Miss L/N, Mr Fligshaw, detention for a week! And 10 points from Hufflepuff and Gryffindor!”  

You scowled back at the other boy who at least had the decency to look ashamed, remembering the time you had made him pay for stealing Newt’s textbooks the year before. He’d had a sore ear for an entire week after you’d dragged him the length of the entire school, ranting and raving at him like a complete lunatic.

“Y/N, you didn’t have to do that. Now you’re gonna be stuck in detention,” Newt said when you were leaving the classroom and you frowned at the guilty expression he wore.

“Newt, you’re my best friend. I’m not just going to sit back and watch you be poked fun of. Plus, you’re going meet me after detention every day with snacks, aren’t you?”, you grinned back at him. You were only joking but Newt nodded in response.

And he did just that. Waiting diligently outside the detention hall for you each afternoon with your favourite snacks hidden in his robes that he’d pinched from the kitchens.

“You’re free!”, he hugged you when you’d finally finished serving your punishment at the end of the week, handing you a cinnamon bun that was still warm.

You hummed happily in appreciation wasting no time in chomping down on the pastry as Newt held out a letter for you to see “Look what my parents wrote me h-oh no!”, he tried to grasp for the paper when a gust of wind sent it flying out of his hand.

You quickly chased after it across the courtyard and Newt tried to call out to get your attention, but it was too late. You managed to catch the paper at the same time you stumbled straight into a rose bush, crying out when the thorns dug into your skin.

“Y/N!” he ran over to you as you thrashed around trying to free yourself from the rose bush, only to end up with more thorns piercing your skin. “Y/N stop moving!”

He winced at your whimper of pain as he carefully pried the bushes away from you, helping you out from the garden bed and sitting you down carefully as he looked over your injuries and torn stockings.

“This IS WHY I HATE ROSES! Firstly, they remind me of my mum's funeral because Merlin, they were everywhere that day but now this! Terrible, stupid, overrated flowers!”

Newt hated the tears he could see you fighting back as you bit your lip in pain. Your stockings were torn and there was blood running down both of your legs. He didn’t hesitate as he knelt down in front of you, taking your hand and using his other to pluck his wand out from his pocket.

“Episkey,” he murmured, letting out a sigh of relief when your skin mended quickly and you were no longer wincing in pain.

“Newt! You did it!”, you gasped, looking at him with big eyes and gripping his shoulders with a proud smile.

“I guess I just needed a reason to get it right,” he smiled back at you crookedly, casting another charm to get rid of the blood and dirt off of you before he helped you to your feet.

He didn’t let go of your hand as he guided you towards the common room, vowing to never ever present you with roses as a gift.

                                                 -     -     -     -     -     -

Newt stepped towards you cutting Alistair from your view as you set the flowers in water with an unreadable expression on your face.

You looked up when he took your hand, looking back at him in confusion before you smiled weakly at him.

“It’s okay. I told Sarah you were busy with book signing things. She understands.” You squeezed his hand gently and Newt wanted to kick himself because that was the last thing that was on his mind. Really, he just wanted to stop you from leaving with him.

He wanted to tell you the truth. And he wanted to dash off to get into his own suit so he could take you to the wedding himself, but he knew he’d lost his chance.

Alistair’s low laughter filled the kitchen as he moved over to you and Newt gritted his teeth at the way he was still leering at you. “Don’t worry Newt, I’ll have her home by curfew,” Alistair teased, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you out of Newt’s grasp.

“Come on princess. We don’t want to be late,” Alistair fixed Newt with one last hard look over your shoulder before he pulled you from the house, missing the way you looked back at Newt in concern. Wondering what it was that he’d been trying to tell you.

Once you were gone from the flat Newt tried to go about his day as usual but the image of you looking so beautiful in Alistair’s arms was burned into his retinas and he found himself checking the time constantly.

He glanced at his watch with a sigh for the 4th time in an hour that afternoon, wondering what you were doing and if Alistair was being respectful. He knew it was silly. You were an adult and you could take care of yourself but that didn’t stop him from worrying and it certainly didn’t stop him from wallowing in self-pity.

As the hours wore on and the light faded, he found himself feeling more and more worked up, lingering in the living room by the front door when he would usually be in his case working.

It was the thought of you slow dancing in Alistair’s arms that had him rushing from the house and before he knew it, he was standing on his brothers’ doorstep, pounding on the door in a complete daze.

“Newt?”, Theseus frowned when he opened his door, knowing immediately from his younger brother’s body language and expression that something was bothering him. He stepped aside, motioning for Newt to come in and went to put the kettle on the boil while Newt sat himself down in the lounge room.

“I’m sorry I know it’s late and you’re probably busy- I can, I can go,” Newt stuttered when Theseus had returned with a pot of tea, getting to his feet to which Theseus frowned and cast him back into his seat.

“Newton. You know my door is open to you no matter the time. What’s upsetting you?”

Newt let out a deep sigh, brushing his fingers through his hair “I don’t...I don’t really know.”

But Theseus fixed Newt with a deadpan expression because he knew his brother only stumbled on his words like he was now over a select few reasons.

“Is one of the creatures ill?”

Newt shook his head.

“Have you lost Dougal again?”

He shook his head again.

“So, it’s Y/N.” Theseus said slowly, watching the younger man closely as he shook his head again.

“Well no...it’s not her specifically,” Newt ran a hand down his face and then let out a groan as his shoulders slumped.

“Merlin, who am I kidding. She’s at a wedding right now with some other man. Her co-worker. I was supposed to go with her, but I said no- I know I’m an idiot don’t give me that face Thes,” he rambled on as he wrung his hands in his lap.

“They’ve been getting closer lately and I just, I’m trying to be happy for her, but I can’t stand the guy Thes’ I seriously can’t stand the guy and it’s driving me mad!”

Newt’s voice grew louder as he continued on but Theseus watched him curl in on himself again when he finished.

The brothers sat in silence for a few moments as Theseus just looked back at Newt, choosing his words carefully.

“You...don’t like him because you’re simply jealous or you don’t like him because he’s genuinely unlikable?”

Newt blinked back at his brother in confusion “why’s it matter?” he sighed, shaking his head as he flopped back in the chair.

In the past he would have ardently argued that he wasn’t jealous and he didn’t see you that way but he knew there was no point trying to lie to Theseus.

“Well I just mean- do you dislike him just because you want to be him? Because you want to be in his shoes? Or do you dislike him because he’s not a good fit for Y/N? Does he treat her well? Will he make her happy?”

Newt looked down at his lap then, twisting his hands together once more as he pondered what Theseus had said.

“Not like I can,” he whispered eventually.

Theseus nodded in response, smiling softly back at him as he clapped him on the shoulder “then I think you better do something about it, Newt. You need to tell her how you feel before it’s too late.”

He noticed the hesitant look Newt wore so he continued, “you need to tell her before you have to watch her move on with someone who can never love her or treat her like you do.”

Newt got to his feet then, nodding to himself and determined to tell you the truth once and for all. Surely you would be home by now. When he arrived home though it was clear you still haven’t returned. That was fine. It just gave him more time to rehearse what he was going to say.

He paced around the kitchen as he imagined hearing you tell him you felt the same way.

“I had a great time tonight, Y/N.”

Newt’s head snapped up and he spotted you in the front terrace, your heels in one hand and Alistair’s hand gripped in the other.

That was okay too. It didn’t have to mean anything. He could still go through with his plan once you were inside and Alistair had left.

Then just as you reached for the door Alistair tugged your hand, spinning you around in his arms and leaning in for a kiss but you turned your cheek at the last second. You successfully dodged the kiss and Newt could almost hear his own heart sing.

That had to be a good sign! You didn’t want to kiss Alistair so maybe he still had a chance to tell you the truth. His brother's advice still echoed in his ears and he realised he had to tell you tonight before he lost his shot completely.

He sucked in a breath when you finally entered the house, standing in the hallway and just glimpsing Alistair’s retreating figure before you swung the door closed and turned to face him.

“Oh, Newt you’re still up”, you said in surprise and Newt had to focus on the task at hand when he realised just how distractingly gorgeous you were still looking.

“Yes, I have to tell you something,” he blurted out, stepping closer to you tentatively.

“Me too actually,” you murmured, smiling back at him weakly and Newt was caught off guard.

Why were you looking at him like that?

What did that smile mean?

He was so dumbfounded by your expression that he forgot to speak, so you eventually filled the silence.

“Alistair’s moving to South America to research the flora and fauna over there.”

Newt only blinked back at you dumbly, so you spoke up again.

“I said I’d go with him.” OTHER WORKS HERE! -

[luke-patterson-owns-my-soul]

Tiny Pretty Phantoms

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Title: Tiny Pretty Phantoms

Words: 2241 (only a short one)

Summary: Charlie and his girlfriend are separated by work.

Requested: Sort of. The lovely and talented @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ got this request. Charlie x reader where the reader is on a tv show like ahs or something that’s not necessarily “kid friendly”. But as she’s not taking them atm, I decided to swipe this one. I hope the anon who requested it doesn’t mind.

TW: Swearing, alluding to sexual intercourse. That’s it I think. If I miss anything, message me so I can edit.

Author’s notes: I’m baccccckkkk. This was my way of getting back into writing reader fic. It’s been a while, and I hope y’all haven’t forgotten me. Also, while I’ve seen Tiny Pretty Things, I know nothing about the cast, so anything I’ve written, is completely made up.

Being back at home in my parent’s home was both reassuring and strange all at the same time. I’d been living in L.A. for almost two years, hundreds of miles away from home. While I missed my family like crazy, I loved being out in the world, being independent, and chasing my dreams.

However, rejection after rejection after rejection were beginning to weigh heavy on me and I had been starting to regret making the move. I’d been considering heading back home and teaching dance to kids. Then, I met Charlie through a mutual friend.

From the moment I met him, there was something that drew me to him; it wasn’t particularly hard. He was charismatic, funny, and crazy talented. The good looks were an added bonus. From that first meeting, we’d been inseparable and after six months, I gave up my apartment and moved in with Charlie and his friends.

We both booked jobs on upcoming TV shows within a week of one another, and we’d celebrated the news hard. A week of partying with your friends had wrecked the apartment, but it had totally been worth it. The main difference between our shows were the target audience. His, Julie and the Phantoms was aimed at a younger demographic to mine, Tiny Pretty Things. I was just glad to be using my ballet background as well as my acting abilities. He was also playing a main character, while I was to be in the background.

I was jolted from my memories by my phone ringing, Charlie’s face filling the screen. With a smile, I answered the facetime call.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey, babe. I miss you.” Charlie was still in L.A., but he was at a boot camp thing that the legendary Kenny Ortega was running.

“I miss you too. How’s it going?” in answer to my question, he held up his hand. I could see band aids wrapped around his fingers. “What did you do?”

“It’s nothing. Guitar war wounds.”

“Poor baby.” I snarked, grinning at the mock upset look on his face. “Oh please. You’re loving every minute.”

“Babe, I really am.” His grin was wide. “When do you fly out to Toronto?”

“Not for another three weeks. I’m back in L.A. the day after tomorrow though. Will I get to see you?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure if we get any time off before we head up to Vancouver for filming.”

I couldn’t help the groan that escaped me. I hadn’t seen him for over two weeks, and I was going insane. It was one of the reasons behind my trip to see my family. They were enough to distract me, at least until I climbed into my childhood bed, the bed that only held me at night. That was when I missed him the most.

“That sucks.” I felt the lump in my throat, an indication I was close to tears.

“I know, babe. I know. I’m gonna try and get back, even if it’s just one night.”

“Please do.” I missed him, missed waking up next to him, missed just goofing around and hanging out with him. He was the man I loved, and I hated us being apart.

:: ::

I’d been in Toronto for almost six weeks. A month and a half had passed since I last saw Charlie, and it was killing me. It wasn’t as if I was alone, far from it. I may not have been playing a main character, but the entire cast of Tiny Pretty Things were close, even those of us in the background. We’d all been put through our dancing paces until we were exhausted – that had a habit of bringing people together.

Charlie and I spoke most days, if we could, and when we did, we were often interrupted by cast mates. Through our facetime calls I became friends with Jeremy, Owen, and Madison, and he became friends with the girls I was rooming with, and Brendan who played Shane. He and I had been partnered up during rehearsals and had become close. It didn’t bother him I wasn’t a main character and he was.

I had a rare night off while the main cast were working hard on some night scenes, so I was able to kick back in my room and relax. And I made the most of it. While a hot bath was running, I connected my phone up to my speaker and hit play on a relaxing playlist Charlie had made for me before we’d had to say our goodbyes and fly to opposite end of Canada.

I’d just sank into the steaming water, bubbles up to my chin when my phone rang. Reaching over, I managed to pick it up, and saw Charlie’s face on the screen. Quickly swiping, I answered the call, despite wanting to stare at the photo I’d taken almost a year ago when we’d gone camping.

“Well, if I’d have known you were in the tub, I would have called sooner.” He grinned as he spoke, making me roll my eyes.

“Charles Gillespie, you’re a damn perv.” I attempted to scold him as he pretended to try and look around the screen to see if he could see anything. Joke was on him, the bubbles came up to my neck.

“Only for you.” I laughed at the corny line. “Hey, why are you in the bath anyways?”

“Because I ache like a motherfucker and I don’t have any night shoots tonight. So, a hot bath is in order. I’ve been dancing almost non-stop for ten hours a day for six weeks. I never did this much when I was with the company.” I knew I was whining; knew I sounded like a petulant child, but I needed to get it off my chest. All of us in the cast moaned to one another, but it wasn’t the same as venting to my boyfriend, no matter how much I loved my job.

“I’m sorry, babe. If I could take the aches away, I would.” I knew he would too.

“I know. Ignore me, I shouldn’t be putting this on you. How’s your set?”

We chatted for almost an hour, Charlie making me laugh about his previous night’s filming eating what he said felt like hundreds of cold hot dogs, making me laugh so much, my stomach was starting to hurt when I climbed out of the bath – much to his enjoyment – and wrapped myself up in a large, soft towel. We carried on talking as I made my way into my room and got myself ready for bed.

“Look, I gotta go. But I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I couldn’t help but sigh when the call ended, and as I snuggled up in bed, wearing one of his t-shirts, I also couldn’t help crying. It was the longest we’d been apart in over six months, and even though I was loving my job, it hurt how much I missed him.

:: ::

When I walked onto set the following day, it felt as if everyone was acting a little shifty. No one seemed to look at me directly and whenever I initiated a conversation, they either found something else to do, or the director made us begin working.

“Hey, we’re all going out for dinner and karaoke tonight. Make sure you look pretty.” Brendan whispered in my ear as we got into position in the ballet class, ready for our scene.

“Uh, okay. Sure.” He gave me a smile before walking away.

We’d all be out a few times during filming and the rehearsals we’d had before, but this was the first I’d heard about plans for tonight. Rolling my neck and stretching my arms, I put it out of my mind as I followed the instructions of the director as the scene began around me.

By the end of the day, I was yet again exhausted, and the last thing I wanted to do was go out. But, as I packed up my gear, putting my comfiest shoes on, Brendan came over.

“Don’t forget we’re going out. We’re all meeting up in about an hour. Make yourself pretty.”

“Can I give it a miss? I’m ready to have a shower and crawl into bed.” He knew how I was feeling, I could see it etched onto his face too.

“Not tonight, sweetheart. Attendance is mandatory for all.” He flashed me a wide smile before spinning away from me, no doubt off to get ready.

When I got back to the apartment I was sharing with a couple of the other female background cast, they were almost ready. The three of them ushered me into the bathroom to shower, telling me to find a nice dress.

The shower did reinvigorate me, and by the time I was dressed and applying my make-up, I was feeling much better, and was even looking forward to some great food and a good night. There were no shoots the next day, so we were able to let our hair down for the night.

When we all met up, the atmosphere was electric. We’d all worked so hard, and were more than ready for a night of not having to worry about getting up early or having to be in hair and make-up at the crack of dawn.

“Ready for a great night?” Brendan asked, linking arms with me as our huge group began to walk to a restaurant nearby we’d all been to on more than one occasion.

“I am actually. Thanks for making me come.”

“No worries, sweetheart.” He placed a kiss on the top of my head before turning to talk to the two guys behind us.

:: ::

Moving from the restaurant after dinner, we all made our way to a club where all of us were able to let go. I got myself a drink from the bar, and stood on the edge of the dance floor, watching my cast mates and friends having the time of their life, showing off their dancing skills. Laughing, I finished my drink, I put my empty glass down and joined them, losing myself in the deep bass. Brendan was in the center, lapping up the attention in a way only he could. He and Barton, who played Oren in the show, were busting out one of their routines from the show and had attracted a hell of a crowd.

As everyone whooped and hollered, I moved away, needing to head to the bathroom. I pulled my phone out of my purse to check if I’d missed any messages or calls from Charlie, but my screen was blank beyond a photo of the two of us. Disappointment flooded me as I shoved the phone back into my purse. Just as I zipped it up, I crashed into someone, strong hands grabbing my waist to stop me falling over.

Thinking my mind was playing tricks on me as my senses were invaded by the aroma of Charlie, the aroma I knew as well as my own. I looked up to find my boyfriend smiling down at me.

“What… how… huh?”

“Surprise, by airplane, Brendan organized it. Hew knew you were missing me as much as I missed you, So Kenny gave me a couple days off while Madi does some scenes with Jadah.”

“You’re really here?” I still wasn’t sure I was hallucinating.

“I’m really here, until tomorrow afternoon.”

With a squeal, I flung my arms around his neck, and kissed him. The evening suddenly got one hundred percent better.

:: ::

Waking up wrapped up in Charlie’s arms was the best thing. I’d missed it so much, and I knew I was going to struggle when he had to leave again, but I felt so happy being with him.

After he’d surprised me at the club, we’d mingled with my friends for a while before slinking away, going back to the apartment and making the most of the quiet as we got reacquainted with one another, multiple times, all night. So much so that when I managed to untangle myself from Charlie’s arms and legs to go to the bathroom, I ached in a completely different way I had been from work.

Once I was finished in the bathroom, I swiped my phone off the counter in the kitchen and sent a text to Brendan.

Thank you. I owe you one.

Once it had sent, I set the phone down and crawled back into bed with Charlie, making the most of having him with me. Especially naked.

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Tagging: (strikethrough unable to tag) @dream-a-little-bigger-x​​ @calamitykaty​ @crybabyddl​​ @xplrreylo​ @morganayennefertyrell​ @lovesanimals​​ @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve​ @echocharm17618​​ @kinda-really-lost @n0wornever​ @all-in-fangirl​ @5sosmukefan​ @kcd15​ @charliesmountains @amazinggracy​ 

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[unsaidholland]

maybe in another universe | h. holland

this is supposed to be pt. two to the sweater, but you don’t need to read that before reading this! 

warnings: alcohol consumption but everyone is of legal drinking age, a little bit of angst(?)

harry holland was still on your mind five months after your break up. he was still the love of your life and nothing could change that. as much as you missed him you guys were over, nothing could change that. everything reminded you of him, as it should have after spending more than two years together. you couldn’t help but wonder if he still thought of you.

autumn leaves had already begun to fall. you were sitting on your bed, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders to keep you warm, as you were working on an analysis for your statistics class. you missed the way he would keep you company while you were doing your schoolwork. you missed the way he would remind you to take breaks when you were too motivated to stop, or when he would get you to focus when you lacked motivation. you missed the comfort of his company, you missed him. after saving the document, you shut your laptop and thought about him. but if the universe wanted us together, then we would’ve stayed together. in an attempt to distract yourself, you headed to the kitchen to make yourself a snack and a cup of tea.

“things will get better,” you said in a failed attempt to make light of how you were feeling. 

hours later you found yourself getting ready for a party. allie had texted you half an hour ago saying that she was coming by your place at eight and that you guys were going to go to a party that a mutual friend of hers was throwing. you wore a black mini dress, did your hair and put on some makeup. after putting your heels on, you looked at yourself in the mirror and felt confident. 

you poured a shot but a knock at your door prevented you from taking it. you opened the door to see allie standing there. her tanned skin practically glowing under the porch lights, and her red dress hugging every curve of her body. she looked like a goddess, and she knew it. “hi lovey!” she pulled you in for a hug. “are you ready to go?” you looked back inside at the shot glass sitting on your counter, but instead grabbed your bag and phone and nodded. “great! let’s go!” you followed allie as she got into a car, an uber perhaps, and then you were off to the party. 

bodies flooded the house. as you and allie shoved your way past you found yourself searching the room to see if anyone else you knew was here. before you knew it, you and allie found yourselves in the kitchen pouring and mixing your own drinks. mostly vodka, very very little of anything else. your eyes scanned the room looking to see if harry was here, but you didn’t spot him.

“you know, y/n, you need to stop acting as if you’re gonna run into him everywhere! just relax dude, have fun!” allie said, taking a sip from the red solo cup in her hand shortly afterwards. you followed her actions, taking a sip of the mostly vodka, barely anything else, concoction that you had made. scrunching up your face at the taste, you looked around the room for some exit - there for not even 5 minutes and you already wanted to leave. 

“i still don’t understand why you dragged me out here allie.” you took another sip of your drink, suddenly thinking that this odd mixture tastes good.

“you are gonna have fun tonight and you are gonna thank me, babe. trust me.” a sly smile appeared on her face. though she didn’t have anything planned, you could tell that something was going to happen. you wanted so desperately to go back home and work on an essay for one of your classes. you wanted so desperately to get out of here and go get some fast food, then go home and binge-watch new girl. you didn’t want to be alone, you just wanted to leave the party.

the cogs in your brain started turning as soon as she gave you a look that screamed she was scheming. what in the world did she have planned? you thought. you leaned back onto the granite countertop, deep in thought when it suddenly dawned on you. she’s going to get me absolutely wasted. 

allie grabbed your hand and led you out of the kitchen, through the sea of bodies yet again to where everyone was dancing. blinding lights by the weeknd was playing through the speakers as you and allie sang along and moved to the beat. for a while, it felt like all of your concerns had left your body and all you were focused on was dancing with your best friend. swaying your hips back and forth. you were drunk, but you were having fun. you forgot that you were heartbroken, that was all you needed. 

•••

harry holland walked into the pub with his friends and brothers. they sat down at a table near the back of the pub, as per usual, and ordered a few beers. ‘guys night’ was what they had called it, but harry wasn’t dumb. he knew he had been sulking for too long and they were trying to take his mind off the breakup. it had been five months, but the wound was still as fresh as ever. 

“we’re just gonna have a few rounds and then go to drew’s party, yeah?” sam asked. of course he knew the plan, but he was making sure that his brother knew the plan. harry nodded in agreement, but he didn’t know why they didn’t just pre at their house, or how they even knew drew. harry stayed in the dark with his questions.

harry looked around the dim pub as if his eyes were searching for an escape. he may not of had any work to do, but he wanted to spend the night watching netflix with tessa by his side. harry was never one to turn down drinks and a night out, but he was out of it. 

tom snapped his fingers in front of harry’s face, breaking his thoughts and bringing him back to the conversation.

“you alright there?” tom said lightheartedly, a gentle laugh being let out. 

“yeah i’m fine.” the drinks had arrived just as harry finished his sentence. he grabbed one and took a long sip of the alcohol, hoping that it would loosen him up and make him more present.

the group quickly went back to their initial conversation, except harry participated this time around. 

“do you even know who’s gonna be at drew’s party?” tom asked, taking a sip from the beer in his hand. the truth was, no one knew who was going to be there.

drew was one of sam’s friends that he had met through a girl that he was seeing at the time. even after she and sam decided that they weren’t really meant for each other, he and drew stayed close. drew had a reputation for throwing huge parties, and they were the best parties. though harry didn’t want to admit it to himself, he really wanted to go knowing that he could take his mind off of y/n and find another girl in place of her.

a few more drinks and an uber ride later, the boys found themselves outside of drew’s house. it wasn’t extravagant, but it was a little bit larger than harry, tom’s, and harrison’s shared house.

they walked up to the door and let themselves in. sam led them down a hallway, pushing past the crowd of people so they could enter the kitchen. as they walked in and started pouring their own drinks, harry couldn’t help but notice the couples sprinkled about the room, making out with no shame. he was ashamed to admit it, but he wishes he had someone with him so he could be one of those couples.

sam handed him a red solo cup filled with a mixture that was sat in a cooler. harry didn’t know how long it was sitting there for, but it was still cold, and that’s all he needed. harry downed the drink, handing the now empty red cup back to sam for a refill as all his friends looked at him with wide eyes. 

“mate, he just handed you the cup, what the fuck?” harrison said. the whole group was shocked. it wasn’t a secret that harry was more likely to get wasted at a party, but they’ve never seen him like this.

sam handed harry back his cup, now full, and said, “don’t you dare down this, i’m not getting you another drink and i sure as hell won’t be carrying you home.” though sam would willingly give up a kidney for his twin, he didn’t want harry to turn into an alcoholic. he was one of the few people who know how bad the break up was for him, and he really didn’t want harry to have a bad time tonight because he was dwelling. somehow sam knew that harry was going to be okay tonight, but that didn’t stop him from worrying.

•••

four drinks later, you and allie had teamed up for beer pong. the table was set up in the backyard of whoever’s house you were in. it had been a few hours, and you still hadn’t figured out who owned the house or whose party you were at, but the important part was you and allie kicked the other team’s ass. it was a glorious moment for you, and in it, you completely forgot about harry holland.

you were very obviously drunk at this point. after almost falling over multiple times while you and allie made your way back inside the house, your eyes landed on harry. he was with tuwaine, harrison, sam and tom. you wanted so badly to believe that you were imagining this, but as tuwaine noticed you and allie, he immediately stiffened up.

harry had a cup in his hand and was leaning against the countertop. the black bomber jacket that you used to steal was the only thing you processed about him before allie pulled you into a quieter area of the house.

“shit, babe i swear i didn’t know he was coming or that he was even invited. i’m so so sorry y/n.” allie said. she was freaking out as much as you were, but instead of freaking out with her, you brushed it aside.

“allie, seriously it’s fine. let’s get another drink, get me wasted, dance a little bit, and then let's go to a twenty-four hour macca’s!” the alcohol was clearly speaking and acting for you as you dragged allie back into the kitchen, which was now holland free, grabbed two cans of beer and handed one to allie. you opened your can and took a large sip. the plan was in motion and nothing was going to stop you. allie looked concerned for you, but she knew there was nothing she could ever do to stop you once you’ve gotten this far. allie knew the night wasn’t going to end well.

the two of you made your way back to the dance floor and began dancing with each other. the sound by the 1975 was filling your ears, you and allie singing loudly along with it. 

as the song ended you decided that you couldn’t stay inside any longer, so you and allie went out to the back where you had played beer pong earlier. it was much quieter than the loud and bass-heavy room you were previously in, much cooler too. you’d had enough of the sweaty bodies pressed around you, so you and allie went to the back of their backyard and sat in some empty chairs.

you had begun to go on about how you were sure you weren’t going to remember much from this night, transitioning into questioning how much you had to drink. allie laughed at you as you tried to count on your fingers, but failing to add up the total. then there was comfortable silence between the two of you. the occasional cheering from the beer pong players accompanied by the conversations that other people in the yard were having had calmed you down. you looked up at the sky, a little cloudy, but you could still make out a few of the constellations that decorated the night sky. it was well after midnight at this point, but it felt like the night was just beginning. you looked back at allie who smiled at you, and you smiled back with your red lipstick stained lips.

•••

harry stumbled down the steps as he decided to call an uber back to his house. after seeing you, he decided that the universe was giving him a reason to go home and be alone. he was also a little bit too drunk to hold his own and any reason to leave was a good reason.

as the copper curly-headed boy walked up to the sidewalk he noticed two girls talking. one wearing a red bodycon dress, the other wearing a black dress. they were clearly invested in the conversation, but as the red dress wearing girl, she froze. harry’s eyes widened as he realized who she was. to ease the awkward tension between him and the two girls, one of whom still didn’t know he was there, he gave allie a small smile which she returned.

if he had known the girl who he was still in love with was going to be at drew’s party, he wouldn’t have shown up.

allie had walked away without harry knowing, leaving y/n alone with him. they were standing out on the sidewalk alone in silence while harry was struggling to call an uber. harry let out a quiet, ‘fuck,’ as he realized his uber was 15 minutes away. he sighed and quietly laughed at how badly his night was ending. harry looked to his left to see y/n still standing there. 

“so, how was the party for you?” y/n asked. allie forced you to talk to him, bribing you with a nice bottle of rosé and a fresh baguette, things that y/n could easily buy, but just didn’t want to. the offer was impossible for y/n to turn down, mainly because you were a sucker for wine.

harry looked at the girl next to him, confused that you were talking to him, but relieved that they weren’t left in awkward silence.

“it was good,” he paused for a second before continuing, “wait, how do you and allie know drew?” harry moved to sit on the edge of the sidewalk, and you followed his actions.

“drew is one of allie’s mutual friends. i think she knows him because of hayden greene, not sure though.” silence reentered their conversation, but this time, it was more comfortable for the both of them. minutes passed before you spoke up again. “i’m gonna be honest with you for a second, i only went because allie dragged me out here. she said i was wallowing in self pity.” a small smile appeared on your face and you gently shook your head knowing that allie was telling the truth.

“sam planned our little escapade. honestly, i’d rather be on the couch with tess right now watching netflix or a film that i’ve seen one too many times.” he sighed realizing his brother’s efforts had failed to distract him and had failed to give him a night free of you, but he was glad he saw you and was talking to you. “there’s not a day that goes by where i don’t think about you, you know that?” a small chuckle left his mouth. he was looking at her, hoping that you would look back at him, but you never did. eyes focused on the road in front of them, eyes on the lawn of the house across the street from drew’s, eyes on the sewer grates, eyes on everything but his brown ones. “i really miss you.” the alcohol was making him say this, but his words were nothing but the truth. 

the desperation in harry’s voice was evident to you.

“i miss you too h.” you tilted her head to look up at him, and for the first time that night, you had a good look at his face. your eyes focused on every freckle that appeared on his skin, his lips, on every curl that you once swore was perfect. “you know, maybe in another lifetime we’d still be together h.” you let out a small laugh. ever since the breakup, you’d blamed everything on yourself. you’d convinced yourself that if you hadn’t made the decisions that you did near the end of your relationship that he would still be with you.

harry looked down at the road under his white high top converse, taking in the words you had just said. his eyebrows furrowed as confusion took over his thoughts.

“why can’t we be together in this lifetime? i know our breakup wasn’t something that either of us wanted.” he looked back up at you, shifting his body slightly to face you better, and you mirrored his actions to face him. he took your hands in his, his thumbs running over the backs of your hands as if he was trying to memorize them for the last time. “can’t we fix us?” harry was pleading at this point and he knew it, but he just wanted you back.

“harry, i-“ the uber pulled up to the house.

“come with me, we can go back to my place and talk this over. i’ll uber you home afterwards. please, just come with me y/n.” harry searched your eyes for any sort of opposition, but he didn’t find anything. you nodded and stood up. harry opened the car door, and after confirming that it was his uber, you both got in.

the ride back to harry’s place was filled with silence. you texted allie apologizing for leaving without her, but you promised her that you’d tell her everything that happened. the good and the bad.

after getting into the house, you quietly sighed in relief after taking your heels off. harry was now shoeless as he led you into the kitchen. you sat on a barstool, forearms resting on the countertop that capped their kitchen island. harry’s back was facing you as he grabbed two glasses of water in an attempt to sober you both up. you so desperately wanted more alcohol in your system, doubting your abilities to talk to your ex without the liquid courage.

“harry, i still love you. i really do, but didn’t we break up for a reason?” you couldn’t look at him. being the first to break the silence, you were sure your hands were shaking a little bit. they sat wrapped around the glass of water harry previously handed you.

“y/n this is the first time we saw each other in months, that has to be a sign!” his tone rose as he began to get really passionate. harry never believed in signs from the universe, but tonight changed everything. when he saw you at drew’s party he knew he had to do something, as if the universe was nudging him in your direction. “i know i never believed in the universe giving signs, but tonight had to mean something, right?” his volume dimmed at the end, as if he was getting too vulnerable and needed to retreat. you looked up at him, needing to search his expression. a sigh left your lips as you realized for the second time that night that he was wearing his heart on his sleeve just for you. 

“i don’t know.” maybe the universe wanted the two of you to have closure from one another or maybe the universe was pushing you two to get back together. you couldn’t tell what the universe had in store for you, but harry on the other hand was sure that you two were supposed to get back together. he knew in his heart that this was going to be his last chance to get you back, and he was ready to put everything on the line for you. after all, he was still in love with you. 

silence. no one said anything for what felt like an eternity. as you started drinking your water, harry started to bite his nails - a habit he had only when he was nervous. you picked up on this immediately and after putting down the glass, you reached over to gently pull his hand away from his mouth. your hand on his skin brought harry a familiar warmth that he didn’t realize that he was so desperate for. as for you, the feeling of your hand on his wrist only made you miss the feeling of his lips on yours.

enough was enough, you decided. you got up from the barstool and walked around to the other side of the kitchen island until you were inches away from him. he closed the gap between you, hands resting on your hips. your hands moved up to rest against his chest. the two of you didn’t need to say anything, you both knew what you wanted.

“i love you h.” your voice was so soft that you weren’t sure if he heard, but as a small genuine smile appeared on his face you knew he did. 

“i’m never letting you go again y/n. i promise.” he lifted one hand from your waist, curling all his fingers down towards his palm except for his pinky and his thumb. you moved one of your hands to lock pinkies with him, then pressing the pads of your thumbs together to secure the promise.

“i don’t ever want to lose you again,” you said, moving your hands up so they rested at the nape of his neck, fingers playing with the curls that sat there. he leaned in to kiss you, and you met him in the middle. his lips were soft, the kiss tender. when you two pulled away from each other, he wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in for a hug. in that moment you decided that you were never going to let him go, not again. 

[ravenwolfie97]

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

[ravenbrenna09]

Jij Verliest - Chapter One: Clip #1

master list teaser

...

Zaterdag 9:31

Lying awake in his bed, Robbe could hear the gentle shuffling of the flatshare in the morning.

Across the hall, the adjacent bedroom door opened and closed quietly. The floorboards creaked as someone made their way towards the kitchen (likely Zoë, his tired mind realized). Sunlight spilled in from the bay window in Robbe’s room. Due to the position of his bed against the opposite wall, he was free from the sun’s rays for a little while longer, but he was still wide awake. But the sun shined on everything else in his room; his untouched surfboard tucked behind his dresser, the skateboard against the windowsill. It even managed to touch his desk, positioned in the corner, with his two monitors and game systems, which still looked the same as Robbe left it last night, a little messy and disorganized from his late-night Friday stream.

Laying on his bed while his music lightly played a song that he mostly tuned out, Robbe could still hear the chatter of the growing crowd beneath his window, increasing in volume as time drew on and more and more people left the safety of their apartments to bask in the sunshine. Somewhere near the kitchen, he could hear the distant chatter of Milan and Zoë in the kitchen and the static of the television as someone flipped it on. All around him, the world signaled that it was time for Robbe to drag himself out of bed, to make sure that everything was going as it was meant to, and to get some food before he prepared for his afternoon stream or did some homework for the upcoming week.

But Robbe stayed planted in his bed, his gray sheets twisted around his waist, and twirling his phone in his head, unable to will himself to roll out of the comfort it provided. His alarm clock on the nightside next to his bed flashed bright red numbers—9:31—at him and the chatter in the kitchen had gotten louder. The smell of Milan’s favorite coffee filled the air, wafting into his bedroom, along with the sound of sizzling food as all three of his roommates chattered in the kitchen.  

But Robbe just felt empty. 

In the past three months, the world had carried on in a way that Robbe expected it to, just moving along on the continuous cycle that life crafted for them. But, somehow, he felt stuck—his feet cemented into the floor as the rest of the world spun around him like a tornado. The reality of the situation is that Robbe was stuck because the world had moved on. His friends had moved on, and they tried to bring him along with them, but Robbe always found himself doubling back, circling back around to the constant in his life that he felt was missing from his new present. 

Thomas.

Thomas Martens was Robbe’s boyfriend of a year and six months. While not the first man that Robbe had ever been with, Thomas had been, fundamentally, Robbe’s first serious relationship. All of his other boyfriends (and, in parts of high school, girlfriends) had only lasted a couple of months or less. It was nothing serious, just a few dates here and there, texts, maybe some risky ones, and then they would just split apart. Sometimes, it was mutual. Sometimes, it was circumstantial. Sometimes, it was Robbe’s brain exploding inside his skull. But they’d separate and move past the fork in the road that was the end of the relationship. 

With Thomas, it had been his first real relationship. Thomas had met his mother and they had gotten along swimmingly. Robbe had met his family and Thomas’s little sister half-demanded that Robbe would help her with her science homework every time he would come over. All of their friends got along well (with the exception of Jens who, in private, admitted that Robbe could do better). Their relationship was peaceful—some arguments, no fights that shook the walls, and they had even considered possibly moving in together after they reached the two-year mark. Their relationship was almost perfect. 

Almost.

Somewhere, the foundation of their relationship had cracked. Robbe could feel Thomas starting to pull away and his job was forcing him to stay at work later and later. It had frightened Robbe, because he had witnessed his father slowly pulling away until he walked out the door and his mother hit the hardest rock-bottom that she ever would. Without really meaning to, Robbe clung a little tighter to Thomas and their relationship. He subconsciously tried to be everything that Thomas needed, but he couldn’t—they weren’t working the same anymore, and so about three months ago, they had broken it off. 

While Robbe was still deeply rooted in the epicenter of the twisting tornado of change, Thomas had glided across the gales with an elegant ease that Robbe was jealous of. His ex-boyfriend had moved on, deleting his pictures with Robbe across all social media platforms, and going out with his friends more and more (or, even if he was trying his best to ignore it, at least that’s what his Instagram led him to believe). The only thing that remained of their relationship was the box of Thomas’s things in the corner of his bedroom, spilling with clothes that he had left at Robbe’s, which he still hadn’t come to collect. 

The thought of Thomas caused Robbe’s heart to give a frightening squeeze. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the thoughts of their relationship, the moments that Robbe still clung to, the ones that were still at the forefront of Robbe’s mind. But the harder he tried to push them away, the more intense they came back into focus, swirling around in his mind’s eye as if they were happening right now. Thomas coming over after work on Friday to be with him, his gentle kisses when Robbe was stressed about school work, his warm embrace that wrapped around Robbe like a blanket, his-

Knock, knock. 

The gentle knock pulled Robbe from his thoughts, bringing him hurtling back into his bedroom, no Thomas in sight, on a quiet Saturday morning. Beneath the crack of the door, he could see someone was standing outside of it. For a moment, he thought about acting like he was asleep, like he hadn’t woken up quite yet so he could lay in bed for another hour, but Zoë spoke up, “Robbe? We made breakfast if you wanted to come to join us.”

“Okay,” Robbe said, hearing the sadness in his voice. He tried to swallow down the bubble in his throat and ignore that it had ever existed. When he spoke again, his voice was clearer than it had been the first time. “I’ll be out in a second.”

“Alright,” Zoë said. He could hear Zoë shift away from the door, the floorboards creaking beneath her weight as she moved away, before she added, “I’ll try to make sure that the boys don’t eat all of the pancakes before you have a chance to get some.” 

“Thanks, Zoë,” Robbe said. A smile made its way across his face as he pushed himself off the bed. 

Pulling a pair of sweats from his dresser, he quickly slipped them over his boxers. Then, he grabbed his green hoodie from the back of his desk chair and pulled it over his head. Once he felt appropriately dressed—not like it mattered all that much with his roommates who were practically family—he stepped out of his bedroom and softly closed the door behind him. He shuffled to the kitchen, where he found all three of his roommates sitting at the table, talking as they passed food around. 

Robbe watched as Zoë rolled her eyes while Milan recounted a story of something or another. Milan spotted Robbe, grinning from ear-to-ear as he greeted, “Robbe!” He jumped to his feet and moved to pull Robbe into a tight hug. It was something that Milan always did; a constant stream of tactile affection without a thought. But today, it felt different. Robbe briefly sunk into Milan’s warm hug, wrapping his arms tight around him. Soon, the older man pulled back, grabbing him squarely by the shoulders and steering him to the table. Milan practically forced Robbe into the only unclaimed chair as he said, “Come join us!”

Zoë was sitting beside his newfound seat, wrapped up in a large grey hoodie with her platinum-blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. After placing two or three pancakes onto a plate, she handed it over to Robbe with a small smile on her face. 

“I’d hurry up if I were you. Lucas has his eye on the rest of them and he might just leap across the table and fight you for them.”

The final member of their small little family, and Milan’s cousin, Lucas van Der Heijden, looked absolutely appalled that she would say such a thing. Of the four, he was the one who looked like he had just rolled out of bed with his light brown curls messed up and pointing in all directions. He was wearing a large oversized red sweater that Robbe would bet was his boyfriend’s. Jens was Robbe’s best friend. He would know. 

“Hey,” he spoke, pointing his fork at Zoë dramatically. “I am not that bad… and it’s not my fault that your pancakes are to kill for.”

Milan laughed, shaking his head.

Zoë chuckled. Despite his earlier thoughts of Thomas, Robbe could feel a smile form on his lips as he placed the top two pancakes on his own plate. Once he was finished, Lucas made a child-like grabbing gesture with his hands and Robbe reached across the table to place the plate of remaining pancakes in his hands. Lucas grinned brightly at him and began cutting into his food. 

“Did you sleep well?” Zoë asked, raising an eyebrow at Robbe. “You were up pretty late last night.”

Robbe shrugged. “Yeah, I got about as much sleep as I could’ve gotten with a late-night stream that ran a little late because I wasn’t looking at the time,” Robbe admitted, taking a bit of his pancake. He turned towards Zoë, who was nodding her head. “Did I wake you up?”

Zoë shook her head adamantly. “No, you did really well sound-proofing your room. I just happened to wake up to go to the restroom and saw that your light was still on.” Robbe nodded, taking another bite of his food. “And I know that you’ve been streaming a lot lately.”

“Don’t worry, Zoë,” Lucas spoke up. “Robbe’s always one to know where his limits lie. In the time that I’ve known him anyway.” Robbe sent Lucas a thankful grin and the blond nodded his head in his direction. Between them, Milan sent them a knowing smile. “But do you feel like skating this afternoon? I don’t know if you’ve been listening to Aaron’s ramblings at lunch but he is absolutely convinced that he’s mastered a new move and he wants to show everyone.” 

“Really?” Robbe asked. 

“Yeah,” Lucas said, shrugging nonchalantly. “We’ll see if he ends up landing flat on his face or not. Wanna come?”

Glancing down at his food and shoving another bite into his mouth, Robbe thought about his unused skateboard, which had been sitting there since he last went skating by himself a few weeks ago.

Since he started doing late-night streams on Friday nights—one of his many (failed) attempts to push the absence of Thomas from his mind, from his life—he hadn’t been able to attend the Broerrrs Saturday morning skating competitions because he had stayed up too late and needed more sleep. He tried to make up for it by hanging out with them throughout the week, but his new schedule had reduced their time together significantly. That had been on purpose, to have as little free time as possible, so he wouldn’t have to think about Thomas, but it had the unintended consequence of limiting the time he spent with his friends. 

“Yeah, I’d love to come,” he said. Robbe could feel the lingering exhaustion that was present in every bone and molecule in his body, screaming at him for more sleep. But missing his friends outweighed his exhaustion. The four of them (five, counting Lucas) had lunch together on campus regularly. But hanging out for the 30-minute lunch before classes started was different than going to the skatepark on Saturday mornings to laugh and have fun. 

“Really?” Lucas said with a grin as his bright blue eyes lit up. 

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, grinning as well. Lucas’s smile had always been quite infectious. “I’m a little tired and a bit out of it, but I miss going skating with you guys. What time did they want to meet up?”

clip 2 (zaterdag 12:41)

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Jorja Smith has unveiled a standout new video for latest track ‘By Any Means’. The powerful video (directed by Otis Dominique and Ellington Hammond) shines a spotlight on communities across the UK, complimenting the track’s vital message around social issues and the civil rights movement. As noted by Jorja about the track: "The inspiration behind 'By Any Means' really came from going to the Black Lives Matter protest and leaving thinking, what can I do to keep this conversation going? It’s not just a post on social media, it's life.” ‘By Any Means’ is the first track to be unveiled from a new project titled ‘Reprise’, curated by the team at Roc Nation with the sole aim of bringing awareness to social justice issues. A portion of proceeds will go to funding organisations that support victims of police brutality, hate crimes, and other violations of civil rights. [via Dork]

Madison, WI-bred and Chicago-based band Slow Pulp recently announced Moveys, their self-produced debut album, and shared its first single 'Idaho.' Now the band shares another song off of the forthcoming record, entitled 'Falling Apart.' The track, featuring Alex G collaborator Molly Gemer on violin, is accompanied by a fantastical music video about feeling lost in a familiar landscape. Director Jake Lazovick, places Emily in a transient world, surrounded by flying objects and missing pieces. The clip features nostalgic animations, body doubles for social distancing purposes, and an homage to Massey's background as a ballet dancer. Read more about the song from Massey below: "As we were finishing up writing the album my parents got into a serious car accident and I came back home to help take care of them. A couple of weeks later COVID-19 started getting worse in the US, and quarantine began. Life felt completely surreal, everything had drastically changed and at such a rapid pace. It was especially strange because everyone was experiencing the same thing at the same time, but couldn’t be physically with each other to support each other. I felt like I couldn’t process any emotions I had about the whole ordeal because I had to keep it together to take care of my family. It became easier to stay numb, and create a facade that I was doing ok, than it was to release any type of healthy emotion for a long time. Luckily I did allow myself to have a full on breakdown induced by a stubbed toe and confusion over taxes, sometimes it’s the littlest things that finally get you."

Soap Detox met a party, and somehow their friendship sustained during the lengthy hangover that followed. A frisky Swedish three-piece with a lust for melody and good times, their raucous garage-pop is already making waves in their homeland. A full EP is incoming, with Soap Detox trailing this with their irresistible new single 'Give Me Gore'. A three minute fuzz pop wonder, it's a clanking, cheeky, subversive statement from a group who thrive on such things. The video features their shorn-headed lead singer in full form, accompanied by her band mates. Directed by Evelyn Del Carmen and Ebba Sylvan, you can check it out above. [via Clash]

It’s been a decade since we’ve heard from multi-hyphenate musician and producer The Angel, who last made a splash as a musician in 2009 with her single 'Ultra Light,' which featured the singer/producer Jhelisa on vocals. Focusing more on her career in film/TV composition and music production in recent years, she’s planning to return to recording her own music later this year with a new LP entitled Xtra Sensory Goodness. Now we’re getting the first taste of this project, which is yet another collaboration with the vocalist Jhelisa. “Jhelisa and I have become close friends over the years,” she explains. “There’s a lot of sisterly love and mutual respect between us, so Jhelisa already understood the mournful weight of the track before I asked to feature her. I’m always grateful that she’s willing to experiment with me because it’s not something she does lightly. Jhelisa beautifully channels the essence of whatever emotion needs to come through in the most evocative and visceral way.”  The song arrives beautifully packaged with an entrancing video directed by none other than Mark Pellington (along with co-directors Sergio Pinheiro and Sweeten), known for his concert docs for Pearl Jam, INXS, and The Flaming Lips, as well as an extensive music-videography including iconic visuals for Public Enemy, Nine Inch Nails, and plenty more artists. “I wanted the song to sound like a memory, like you’ve entered someone else’s dream space,” The Angel continues, noting how the video perfectly syncs to the song’s mood. “The emotion is contained, very internal, so I juxtaposed a vocal vulnerability against a driving, incessant rhythm, where you can feel the underlying tension at the same time as experiencing the gentle plea, ‘Where’s my shelter…?’” [via Flood]

A few weeks ago, Ciara gave birth to her son Win. Last night, she shared a video that she evidently recorded while she was very, very pregnant. Ciara’s new song 'Rooted' is a statement of Black pride, a clear statement of solidarity with the protest movement that’s swept across America and the rest of the world these past few months. It’s a hard, kinetic track with vocals from the songwriter Esther Dean. But the song, at least right now, feels more like a vehicle for the video. Like a lot of Ciara videos, the 'Rooted'” clip is built around bodies dancing. In this one, though, one of those bodies belongs to Ciara, who dances with her belly exposed and who looks like she’s about to give birth any second. To watch someone dance this hard while that pregnant is an actual marvel, a near-superhuman feat. The 'Rooted' video is full of Black iconography, and it features the faces of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. All throughout, Ciara presents an image of motherly strength. Annie Bercy directs. [via Stereogum]

Hazel English releases the new video for her single ‘Five And Dime’ taken from her debut album Wake UP! which is out now on Marathon Artists. ‘Five and Dime’ is a woozy, idyllic view into Hazel’s world, which is built on timeless-sounding melodies, retro-tinged soundscapes and a knack for resonant lyrics. The mid-tempo number is reminiscent of the playful love songs of ’60s pop, as Hazel frustratedly muses on a love interest who is consuming her thoughts and detracting from her focus, “Gotta get away cause you’re taking up all of my time / You know I need my space so I’m heading to the Five and Dime.” Speaking about the new video, Hazel says: “'Five and Dime' is about longing for escape and freedom so I thought it would be fun to create an idyllic beach vacation, constructed from a set with cardboard cut out waves and fake palm trees. The idea behind it is that while I'm fantasizing about escaping to a tropical place, it's clear I'm just kind of stuck in this pretend version of it. I wanted to evoke the nostalgia of Hollywood musicals from the '50s and '60s, complete with dance choreography and bright colourful costumes.”

Katy Perry has released her second video for 'Smile,' featuring the pop star playing a video game version of herself as she battles giant spiders, circus trapeze acts and more while dressed as a clown. Much of the video is in CGI, with a live-action Perry playing the video game in her house (while also dressed as a clown). [via Rolling Stone]

Global superstar, Miley Cyrus has unveiled 'Midnight Sky,' a track that showcases a new direction for the always evolving artist.  The song, which was inspired by the past year of her life, is accompanied by a video that Miley self-directed.  In creating the song and video, Miley drew from strong female musical icons, like Stevie Nicks, Joan Jett, and Debbie Harry, who have always been so generous, and have been her greatest allies and inspiration.  The video showcases Miley as her true self: unapologetic, diverse, sexy, confident, experimental, and strong. The video takes viewers through Miley’s creative vision which displays her complete control of the narrative often told through the mouths of the media. Miley is at peace with who she is and has nothing to prove. As a musician she continues to push boundaries and experiment with her sound and look. Miley has proven to be many things, but boring is not one of them.

Chelsea Collins is nonconformist pop singer with a vision. For the captivating new 'Water Run Dry,' a collaboration with rapper, singer and fellow Bay Area-native 24kGoldn, Collins's infectious pop melodies glide over a hypnotic beat. Relatable lyrics about a faltering relationship reveal a depth of experience for the 21-year-old, with a wistful chorus lamenting, "there's no good in goodbye." The Roxana Baldovin-directed visuals for the track are an eyeful — Collins and 24kGoldn play house in an oversized, colorful California dollhouse, interspersed with images of a little girl playing with literal Barbies. The message? "I wanted this song and video to execute the world that's inside of my head — somewhat similar to a weird vintage rom com where at first the drama of love is so toxic, passionate and thrilling but eventually my lover and I have a happy ending," Collins tells NYLON. "Unfortunately reality isn't as fun and it kinda feels like some cranky dude is controlling your path, who's lowkey salty whenever something feels too amazing," she continues. "My intuition will tell me to run, but I'm notorious for acting like a Stepford wife, trying to recreate my past feelings yet they're all super robotic. Maybe one day I'll get lucky and love won't have to be so bittersweet, but until then I'll learn to smile even when things blow up in my face." [via NYLON]

Kali Uchis shared the visuals for her latest single 'Aquí Yo Mando' on Monday. Featuring a verse in Spanglish by Rico Nasty, the single is Kali's first release since her TO FEEL ALIVE EP from earlier this year. The Phillipa Price-directed clip finds the pair on a weapons-filled rampage, dropping bodies in underground parking lots and filming each other along the way. With co-production by reggaeton hitmaker Tainy, the booming track sees Uchis assertively laying some ground rules over trappy 808s. "Haces todo lo que diga (You do everything that I say)," she raps. “Si estás conmigo solo mando yo (If you’re with me, only I call the shots).” [via The FADER]

[carolina-bleus]

The Very First...Vignettes (Part I)- Carolina-Bleus

First Meeting

“Michonne...chai tea, chocolate croissant. Enjoy!”

“Thank you, Ryan.”

Rick glanced up from his book and watched as the order was claimed by its beautiful owner. As the woman turned from the counter, she locked eyes briefly with Rick and offered him a small smile before claiming her usual window seat.

Rick tried to keep his own smile in check as he took a sip of coffee and went back to reading.

He’d noticed the woman, Michonne, the moment she’d entered the small downtown café four months ago. The way she lingered over the menu and peppered the baristas with questions about the offerings signaled her newcomer status.  

New faces typically stood out among the café’s regular patrons, of which Rick was one. But Rick had no doubt Michonne stood out wherever she went. She was beautiful, yes, but there was a quiet confidence and assuredness about her that drew everyone’s attention and interest...Rick was no exception. But while the curiosity of the other regular patrons faded as Michonne became a regular herself, Rick’s interest only continued to grow. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was just something about Michonne that made him look forward to his time at the café in a way he hadn’t before.  

Rick was convinced the interest was one-sided, but an incident two months ago had him questioning that belief.  Rick had been taking a bite of his breakfast bagel when he felt eyes on him. When he looked up, he spotted Michonne in her seat looking his way. She waved in his direction with the beginnings of a smile on her face. Shocked and pleased, Rick was about to offer Michonne a smile in return. However, he looked around and behind him first just in case she’d been waving at something one else. He didn’t need that type of humiliation. Seeing no one else nearby, Rick had turned back towards Michonne, but it was too late. Michonne was engrossed in her book and stayed that way, not even sparing Rick so much as a glance when he got up to leave.

While Michonne warmed up and conversed more and more with the other regular patrons and the baristas in the weeks that followed, Rick was not part of her growing circle of café friends. Rick had mentally kicked himself over that. Every so often he’d get that same feeling of eyes on him, but whenever he looked in Michonne’s direction, her eyes would be glued to whatever book or magazine she’d brought only pausing to take a sip of her tea or a bite of her croissant.

And try as he might, Rick could never catch Michonne’s eyes again...until today.

I caught her eyes and a smile. It was quick, but a smile nonetheless.

The smile Rick had been trying to contain earlier, bloomed, unbidden, on his face. So lost was he in thought, that Rick failed to notice Michonne looking at him in a way that would have left him without any doubt that the interest was mutual.  

Three weeks later...

Rick trudged into the café hoping to decompress in the shop’s normally calm and serene atmosphere after a trying overnight shift on patrol. What he found instead was a madhouse. The small café was packed to the brim with very talkative customers.

Rick almost turned around and went straight home, but something made him get at the end of the long line of patrons waiting to place their orders. A few minutes into his wait, Rick heard his name called and looked up to see barista Ryan motioning him to the front of the line, his regular order ready. Rick sheepishly moved past the other customers who threw exasperated looks his way.

“It was a call-in order,” Ryan offered in explanation to the crowd. It was a ball-faced lie that was gratefully and handsomely rewarded by Rick at the tip jar.

Rick was about to head for the exit when he saw Michonne in a booth waving him over. Not about to repeat his mistake from two months ago, Rick bounded over to Michonne.

“Hi. Um...space is really limited today. Even my window seat was taken when I got here. I guess the foot traffic from the street festival spilled over here.”

“Yeah, it sure looks like it.” Rick agreed.

“Well, if you’re looking for a place to sit, we can share this booth. Only if you want to, of course. You might have been on your way out—”

“No!”

Michonne looked taken aback and Rick rushed to clarify.

“No, I don’t mean no to you! Sorry! It’s been a long day already and it’s not even noon. My mouth and my brain aren’t working as a team at the moment.” Rick slid into the booth. “What I meant to say was that I’d love to share the booth with you. Thank you for the kind offer.”

“You’re welcome.” Michonne offered Rick a quick smile.

Suddenly nervous now that he was sitting across from Michonne, Rick cleared his throat and searched for something to say. “Oh, my name!”

“What?”

“I didn’t introduce myself. My name is—”

“Rick...half caf and steak, egg, and cheese bagel sandwich.”

Rick nodded and laughed, inordinately pleased that Michonne hadn’t been as oblivious to him as he thought.

“And you’re Michonne...chai tea and chocolate croissant.”

Michonne smiled fully and Rick was sure he forgot how to breathe for a second.  

Now that smile was worth waiting for.

Rick held out a hand which Michonne readily shook. Their nervousness evaporated upon that first touch.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Michonne.”

“It’s pleasure to meet you, too, Rick.”

The booth became an oasis of calm in the bustling café, as Rick and Michonne blocked out everything around them and got to know each other.  

***

First Date

“You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?”

“But what if I’m dressed all wrong for whatever you’ve planned?”

Rick glanced over at Michonne. “Impossible. Everything always looks just right on you.”

Knowing him as she now does, Michonne knew Rick truly meant what he said and it wasn’t some line he was feeding her.

If he keeps this up, I’m going to fall hard...fast.

While Rick and Michonne had grown into close friends over the past three months, Michonne had been hoping they’d grow into something more. She thought Rick had felt the same romantic spark and connection from their introduction, but as the weeks turned into months, Michonne assumed she’d read the signals wrong and friendship was all he wanted. So, she was a bit caught off guard but happy when Rick finally asked her out last week as they were leaving the café.

Twenty minutes later, the couple arrived at the local art museum. Michonne gasped when she realized where they were headed for the night.

“You got us tickets to the History of Fashion in Art exhibit? Rick, this is perfect! I was planning to buy a ticket for myself. What made you think of this?”

Rick blushed at Michonne’s praise. “Well, before you were always reading books and magazines about history, art, and fashion at the café. I figured this event combined three things you seem to love.”

“Before” was before Rick and Michonne started spending time together at the café. Now, whenever they were at the café together, they were too engrossed in each other and their conversation to focus on other distractions.

“You’ve set the bar high for our first date, Rick. I’m going to have bring my ‘A’ game when I plan our next one.”

“So, there’s going to be a second date?” Rick asked hopefully.

“Of course. I knew there was going to be a second one when I said yes to this first one.”

Michonne clasped one of Rick’s hands in her own and led the smiling man up the steps and into the museum.

***

First Kiss

“Hold up. You mean to tell me you really didn’t kiss her on the first date?”

Rick rolled his eyes. “No, we didn’t kiss. How many times do you want me to repeat it, Shane?”

“Until you can make it make sense. Cause right now, I’m not understandin’ it. Didn’t you have a good time on your date?”

“I had a great time.”

“And she had a great time?”

“Yeah.” Rick smiled. “I really think she did.”

“Then why the hell didn’t y’all kiss?”

“It wasn’t the right time.”

“Wasn’t the right time?” Shane asked, incredulous. “Did her lips fall off?”

“No.”

“Did your lips fall off?”

Rick sighed, exasperated. “No, Shane.”

“Then I’m still not understanding how it wasn’t the right time. How did y’all end the date if you didn’t kiss?”

“With a hug.”

“A HUG!? A hug?!”

��Do you need a hug, Shane? You seem really agitated right now,” Rick said dryly.

“I don’t understand why you aren’t agitated. Your ass just got friend-zoned and you’re up here talking about the date smiling all big and shit like you just won the lottery.”

“I didn’t get friend-zoned. We’re going out on another date.”

“When?”

“We haven’t decided yet. Our first date was just last night.”

“Mhhhmm. And the fact that you are talking about it with me this morning instead of having some pillow talk with your date tells me your date was a flop.”

“The fact that I’m talking to you about it this morning tells me I should have waited for Glenn to get off the phone with Maggie so I could have this conversation with him.”

“You wound me brother.”

“Look, Shane, it took me three months to build up the courage to even ask Michonne out, I’m not gonna risk messing things up by making the wrong move or moving too fast. I want Michonne to be comfortable. I really like her.”

“Did you ask Michonne what she wanted?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you ask her if she wanted a kiss goodnight?”

“No.”

“How else are you gonna know if you don’t ask?”

“That seems a bit forward. Besides, what if she’d said ‘no’?”

“Rick, from all you’ve told me about last night and everything with y’all before that, she wasn’t gonna say ‘no’, all she was gonna say was “lay it on me, daddy.”

“Michonne doesn’t talk like that.”

“Well she should cause that shit’s sexy as hell. There was this one chick I was seein’ that liked to call me ‘The Punisher’. You want to know why?”

“Absolutely not,” Rick answered.

“Your loss. Anyway, what are you gonna do about Michonne? You obviously want to kiss her.”

“I do. I really do. But I already told you I’m not going to rush things.”

“Have you talked to Michonne since your date?”

“Yeah, I called her after I got home last night and we spoke this morning. We’re meeting at the café when I leave here.

“How did she sound when you talk to her?”

Rick smiled to himself. “She sounded happy.”

“Well, there you go, brother. She likes you. You like her. Go with that. Everything else will fall into place. Go at whatever pace works for y’all. But don’t wait too long to kiss her,” Shane warned. “You don’t want her to think you’re not interested or that you don’t find her desirable.”

Rick looked at Shane in surprise at his about-face and his logical advice.

“Hey, man. Imma livin the thot life by choice at the moment, but I do know how to court a woman. My mama raised me right.”

Rick raised a brow.

“Just because I choose to ignore my home training doesn’t mean it don’t exist. I’m living my best life right now, okay? I’ll settle down when the time comes.”

“Take it from me, that time might come sooner than you think.”

“Wait, are you thinking Michonne’s ‘The One’?”

“I’m not saying that. It’s too soon for that, right? We’ve only really known each other a few months.  But...” Rick sighed. “I don’t know...there is just something about her...from the very first moment I laid eyes on her...”

Shane shook his head with a chuckle. “Your ass is gone, man. I call dibs on being your best man.”

“First of all, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Second of all, what about Glenn?”

“He can be your maid of honor.”

*****

“Did you want to kiss him?”

Michonne paused looking through her closet and faced her best friend. “Of course I wanted to kiss him, Andrea. I’ve wanted to kiss Rick for months now.”

“So why didn’t you just kiss him at the end of your date last night?”

“What would he have thought of me if I’d just hauled off and kissed him?”

“Well, if the opinion of your overly muscled ex is anything to go by, Rick would have thought you were a damn good kisser.”

Michonne rolled her eyes at the mention of her ex. “Please don’t bring Mike up. He’s taken up way too much of my time recently.”

“Is he still texting you?”

“Yes. He texted me last night before my date with Rick and again this morning. It’s like he can sense that I’m finally moving on. After six months of radio silence, now he’s sending messages saying he wants to meet for lunch and that he’s sorry and he’s changed.”

“Just block his number.”

“You really think I should? I was hoping he’d just take the hint when I didn’t respond.”

“You are giving this man too much credit and consideration. This is the same guy who left you behind to ‘find himself’ overseas and expected you to wait for him until he decided when or even if he was going to return to the States. And instead of just finding himself, he found himself with someone else and then sent you a “Dear Michonne” text and cut off all contact. Now that the fling is over and he’s back he wants things to go back to how they were as if he never left.” Andrea sucked her teeth. “Block his ass...and kiss Rick’s.”

Andrea laughed at Michonne’s shocked expression. “I didn’t mean Rick’s literal ass...unless that’s something y’all end up being into as a couple. There was this one guy I used to see that liked me to—”

“Do not finish that sentence, Andrea. It’s way too early in the morning.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you later. What you need to do now is block Mike’s number.”

“I will. But what I really need to do now is find something to wear. I don’t want to be late for Rick.” Michonne moved back to her closet.

“You saw the man less than twelve hours ago. And you see him at the coffee shop just about every day.”

“Yeah, but now we’ve had our first date with the promise of a second one. Things feel different now. I was always excited to see him even before we ever spoke to each other, but now, I literally cannot wait to get to the café and see him.”

“Again, I say, you saw the man less than twelve hours ago.”

“I know. Is that crazy?”

“Actually, no, I don’t think that’s crazy. I think that’s love.”

“Let’s not jump the gun, Andrea. It was one date.”

“One amazing date after months of anticipation on your part. I still remember the first time you told me about him. You’ve wanted that man from the word ‘go.’”

“I’m not having this conversation now.” Michonne held up revealed her final outfit selection to Andrea. “What do you think?”

Andrea let out a whistle. “I think that whole “no kiss” situation will be rectified before your chai tea gets cold.”

*****

Michonne adjusted her outfit one last time before she entered the café. She spotted Rick seated at their regular booth. He looked up as Michonne approached.

“Hey you.” Rick slid out of the booth and gathered Michonne in a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good...great actually.” Michonne answered as they sat down. “How are you?”

“Never better.”

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

“No, not at all.”

“Good, we can go place our order now.”

“Actually---”

“Rick and Michonne...order for two!”

“I already took care of it,” Rick finished. “Be right back.”

Rick returned with a tray laden with both their regular orders.

“Thank you, Rick. That was so thoughtful.”

“It was nothing, really.”

Michonne bit into her croissant and closed her eyes and moaned slightly at the intermix of buttery croissant and bittersweet chocolate.

This never disappoints.

Michonne opened her eyes to find Rick watching her closely. She held her croissant out to him.

“You want to try it?”

Your lips...yeah? But the croissant will do for now. “Yes, thank you.”

Rick leaned forward and let Michonne feed him a bite of croissant. His lips grazed her fingers as he pulled away.

Michonne swallowed hard at the contact. Now if only my lips were so lucky. “Do you like it?”

Rick licked his lips, savoring the flavor. The taste of your fingers...absolutely. “Delicious.”

The byplay wasn’t lost on either of them. Try as they might to focus on the conversation at hand, both Rick and Michonne were distracted with thoughts of what did and didn’t happen between them the night before. Unconsciously, the eyes of one would stray down to the mouth of the other as they talked.

“Rick, I just wanted to tell you again how much fun I had last night.”

“I did, too. I really enjoyed the exhibit. Who knew I had a passion for fashion?” Rick joked. “But I enjoyed your company most of all.”

Michonne smiled sweetly. “It was nice spending time with you, too.”

“I’m looking forward to our next date.”

“Me, too. When did you want to go?”

Tonight! Dang, play it cool, Rick. “Uh, what’s a good time for you?”

Tonight! Girl, don’t be overeager! “If you’re not working, maybe we can try something on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday it is.” Rick looked at his watch and grimaced. “I really hate to do this, but I have to go. My shift starts soon.”

Michonne tried to temper her disappointment. “Oh...okay.”

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

Michonne turned her cell over when she noticed a new message pop up. “I’ll probably just go home for a bit and then meet up with some girlfriends.”

“Can I stop by to see you on my way home tonight? I promise it won’t be too late.”

Rick had gotten into the habit of calling Michonne on his way home from work. She liked hearing his voice and knowing he’d made it safely through his shift. He liked hearing about her day or, if he was on the night shift and coming home early in the morning, he loved talking to her as she got ready for the day. Her voice soothed him in a way nothing or no one else could.

“Yeah, I’d like that. Now, you’d better get going so you aren’t late. Have a good day and be safe.”

“I will. You have a good day, too. See you tonight.” Rick lingered for a moment longer before reluctantly getting up and moving to the café’s exit. He was nearly to the door when he stopped and walked back to Michonne.

“Michonne, if I don’t ask you this, it’s going to weigh on me all day.”

“What is it, Rick?”

“May I kiss you? I wanted to last night but I didn’t want to seem too forward. If you aren’t ready for that, it’s okay. I’ll wai—”

Rick fell back slightly as Michonne’s body suddenly landed against him and her lips covered his. He quickly recovered and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer.

“I guess you were open to the idea?” Rick joked softly once the kiss ended.

Michonne smiled shyly. “Maybe just a little.”

“I really hate that I have to go now. But I’ll see you tonight.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Rick glanced at Michonne’s lips before meeting her eyes once again. “One more for the road?”

Michonne nodded as Rick quickly closed the distance between them.

 @richonnefics

[fuckallthegood0nesweretaken]

The Dove and Her Hound CH. One

Title: The Brotherhood

Words: 1,821

Warnings: Some violence and somewhat strong language

A/N: This is my attempt at a Game of Thrones re-write. Some things will remain the same and others will have changed. This is the first chapter of thirty and some will contain suggestive content. All warnings will be written as they appear in each chapter and not all chapters will have the same warnings. Anyways, please enjoy!

Next Chapter

Sandor Masterlist

Game of Thrones Masterlist

Masterlist

~~~~~~~

From the beginning you had missed your forests and clean air. The air in the Red Keep was stale and smelled like a pig-pen. But for your father’s sake you had plastered on a smile and said no words about it. You went through the days without feeling anything. Besides the guard your father had on you all the time, and your secret love, you were alone. That was fine with you; less people to potentially piss you off. That all changed when your father was sentenced to death for treason. 

You had just walked out of your chambers when your guard, Liam, hurriedly came to your side.

 “You have to leave the city. Your father is to be tried today and I promised both your father and the Clegane man to get you out. I overheard the King say that no matter what, your father’s head will roll.”

 Your eyes were wide and your thoughts running wild, but you listened without hesitation and ran back into your room to gather some things.

 “Are you coming with me? Is Sandor?” You asked him. He gave you a sad smile.

 “No, my lady. I am to drop you off somewhere safe. Yoren will be coming to get you.”

 “What about Sansa? Is she coming with me?”

 “No. She is too well guarded. King Joffrey doesn’t let her out of his sight.”

 “They’re not going to let you live. I’m surprised you’re still alive, if I’m being honest. Please come with me!”

 “I can’t, my lady. I will stay here for Lady Sansa and do the best for her that I can.” He grabbed your hand and the two of you made your way down to the stables.

  “You have a week’s worth of food and water in the saddlebags along with some money. That should be more than enough until you meet Yoren at the Inn at the Crossroads,” Liam said. “In the small chance of that not happening, your dagger and bow are on the other side.”

 “But I’m not good enough—,” you started.

 “You are. I’ve seen you fight. You can hold your own. Now, you have to leave! Quickly!” Liam pulled your hood over your head and kissed the back of your hand. With one last look, you spurred your horse into a gallop. You didn’t look back, no matter how much you wanted to.

 ---

 It had been a couple months since you had left King’s Landing. Yoren never showed up to the meeting place and you didn’t wait for him. You had decided to go back to Winterfell and try your luck there, but things didn’t work out as planned. A while ago you had stopped in a tavern to get food and had overheard the story of what Theon did to your youngest brothers. You had almost blown your already flimsy cover and had to excuse yourself from the room. As you got on your horse, you let the tears fall freely as you rode away. A couple days later, you ran into the Brotherhood.

 ---

 Riding along a barely there path, you heard the sound of footsteps begin to follow you. It was most likely not a friendly, so you stayed calm and continued on as if you hadn’t noticed their presence.

 “Why is a little lady like you all by her lonesome out in the cold, dark, woods,” someone said behind you. You stiffened and pulled your cloak tighter around you.

 “That is none of your concern.” Your voice was hard but the man kept pestering.

 “Do you need someone to warm you up at night? My friends and I will certainly help you with that.”

 “No, thank you.”

 The man did not like that answer and whistled to his friends. Three men came out from the woods, weapons drawn. You hadn’t been in a fight since before you had arrived at King’s Landing, but you knew that you’d be able to take at least half of them down. Dead set on fighting, you faltered when you saw the colors they were wearing. Lannisters. Hate filled your entire body. You straightened up and slid off of your horse.

 “Change your mind already? Wise decision.” His mouth split into a sickening grin and he approached you. Your head was bowed and hands hidden in your cloak. As soon as he got close enough, you un-sheathed your dagger and slit his throat.

 His companions were stunned and while they gaped at you in surprise, you managed to kill another. That shook them out of their daze and they drew their swords. Advancing on you, one of them lunged. You threw yourself to your right and promptly tripped. As you fell a pair of arms caught you.

 “We got you now, bitch!” The one holding you growled. “We’re gonna gut you like a pig.”

 Panicking, you started thrashing around. Your blade managed to nick the one holding you and with a yell, he dropped you to the ground. Panting, you tried scrambling away.

 “Come back here!” He yelled. When he was right on top of you, an arrow went through his head. You let out a gasp and tried to get further away. The last man standing was looking around frantically for whoever killed his friend.

 “That wasn’t very smart of you! Do you know who we are?!” He yelled into the trees. Not a second later, he was hit with an arrow.

 Slowly, you got up from the ground and dashed to your horse. Before you could swing your leg over, something hard hit you over the head and you blacked out.

 ---

 When you came to, you were in a cave. A fire was in the middle of the room and two people were about to start a fight. You let out a groan and a dark-haired boy came to your side.

 “Don’t move too much, milady. You were hit pretty hard,” he said.

 “Where am I? Who are you?”

 “My name is Gendry. I don’t know where we are.” He helped you sit up slowly. You blinked hard a few times and your eyes widened when you saw two familiar faces.

 “Arya? Sandor?” Your voice was quiet and with the noise of the fight, no one heard you. You watched the fight with fearful eyes, hands clenching your cloak whenever Sandor almost got hit. You hadn’t realized you’d been holding your breath until Sandor killed the man he was fighting. Only after Arya tried to kill him did you call out to her.

 “Arya? Is that really you?” You said, getting to your feet. Arya stopped thrashing around in Gendry’s hold and turned to you.

 “[Y/n]?” She whispered. Launching herself out of Gendry’s grasp, she fell into your arms.

 “Oh thank the gods. Are you hurt? Did anything bad happen to you?” You took her face into your hands and turned it every which way, looking for signs of damage.

 “No, I’m alright. How did you manage to escape? Is Sansa alright?”

 “I don’t know how she is. I hope with all my being that she’s okay. And my escape will have to be a story for another day.” You kissed her forehead. “Now, if you could give me a moment, I need to do something real quick.”

 You released Arya and walked over to Sandor.

 “Seven Hells, it really is you,” Sandor said.

 “Yes. It’s really me.” Tears welled up in your eyes and you threw yourself into his arms.

 “I’ve missed you so much,” you whispered into his chest. His arms tightened around you. All he wanted to do was keep you in his arms and never let go. He would’ve too, if the Brotherhood wasn’t so eager to get him out of their cave.

 “You have proven yourself innocent. I think it’s time for you to leave,” the man he just killed said. Beric was his name.

 You were pulled away from Sandor and he had a hood put over his head and his hands tied behind his back.

 “What are you doing? Let him go!” You cried. Gendry had you in his hold and he wouldn’t let you go.

 “He has to leave. We can’t have him knowing where we are,” Beric said.

 “Don’t let her follow me!” Sandor said. “Keep her and her sister together.”

 You fell to your knees and hugged Arya as they led him away. You had just gotten him back and he was already gone. A few days passed and the only thing keeping you whole was the fact that you and Arya were together again. You got to know Gendry a bit, and you could see the mutual attraction between him and Arya. It made you smile but you said nothing. Then the red woman came and took Gendry. Arya was furious and so were you. Just because the Brotherhood needed money, they’d sell a person. You fell asleep angry that night and only slept a few hours when Arya woke you.

 “I’m leaving. Please come with me,” she begged quietly.

 “Of course. I would never leave you.” You got up slowly and made your way over to the weapons. You grabbed a bow and the smallest sword you could find, you still had your dagger, and slipped out of the cave. As the two of you ran in the dark forest, someone grabbed you and Arya from behind.

 “Kick all you want, wolf-girl. It won’t do you no good.”

 You relaxed when you heard who was talking, but Arya kept fighting. She was causing too much noise so Sandor knocked her out. He threw her over her shoulder and took your hand before going to his horse. Sandor helped you get on the horse then put Arya in front of you.

 “He can’t carry all three of us at once, so I’ll walk beside you,” he said, holding onto the reins. Before you started moving, you grabbed his hand and squeezed gently.

 “Thank you for coming back to us.” Your voice was soft and low. Sandor was glad it was night and you couldn’t see the red dusting his cheeks. He said nothing in return. All you got was his hand squeezing yours back. He was a man of a few words and you got the meaning of his gesture.

 The three of you made good time and came upon a clearing after an hour or two. You set Arya down on your cloak and she curled up into a ball. Smiling fondly down at your little sister, you brushed a piece of hair out of her face. Sandor was making a fire and once it was fully made, you joined him. A comfortable silence washed over you. Your head made its way to his shoulder, eyes drooping shut. Sleep was creeping up on you, and right before you fell, you felt something touch your forehead and your body being laid down.

[wardenrainwall]

Words:   910

Pairing: MGIT OC/Blackwall - OC & Iron Bull

Rating: General

Summary: Eloise forces herself out into Skyhold after Blackwall departs with the Inquisitor - and the first person she runs into is The Iron Bull

Someday I may have an entire story for them. If only I had a plot.

--

Eloise had only been at Skyhold for a few days and she had been anxious about going out and seeing other people. Blackwall had left the day before with the Inquisitor and a small army. But not before he’d handed her a small leather pouch that jangled with coins. “You don’t have to stay locked up in here if you don’t want to. There is a tavern.” He’d been reluctant to leave, hovering by the door for long minutes. “Will you still be here when we return?”

“I don’t know,” she’d admitted honestly. “I told you, I don’t understand how this all works. So far, this is the longest I’ve managed to stay here, so … I think so.” Eloise had almost been afraid to sleep those first nights, certain that if she fell asleep she’d wake back up in her own world. 

Donning a borrowed dress, and Blackwall’s thick socks that were far too thick to wear comfortably with her slip-on shoes, but it was all she had. Taking the cloak he’d left behind, she tugged it around her shoulders and drew in a breath, set her shoulders back, and stepped outside. It was quiet here, a handful of doors that led to other living quarters. Mostly soldiers, though a few couples resided there as well.

Padding along the walkway she hoped she’d be able to find her way back. Blackwall had offered her a proper tour, but she’d refused and now she regretted it. Turning when she reached a well-tread dirt path she looked up, searching for the tavern, and felt overwhelmed. It was a mistake, coming out like this. But, she had to eat and Blackwall while had made sure there was food in the little cabinet, and a supply of wood, Eloise knew she would have to face these people eventually.

“You look lost,” a voice said and Eloise turned, looked up, and then kept looking up and her mouth fell open. The man, was he even a man? Was massive. Huge. Eloise was by no means short, but he towered over her, and he had horns jutting out from either side of his head and an eyepatch. 

Words lodged in her throat. She remembered those monsters in Haven, the bloody battlefield strewn with dead mages and Templars. But at seeing this man her mind finally seemed to revolt at the impossibilities of it all. 

“I take it you’ve never seen a Qunari before?” he asked and Eloise managed a quick shake of her head. 

Holy shit, she thought, feeling a kink beginning to ache in her neck from looking up at him. He let out a laugh, and Eloise realized she’d said it out loud. But his laugh was warm, and he grinned at her.

“You’re the one who came looking for the Warden? Blackwall’s wife?” He lifted his brow and she could see he didn’t believe it. Did no one actually believe the story? Then why were they letting her stay? Why hadn’t they put her in chains? Unless…

“Yes,” Eloise said, forcing herself to be calm. “Though, his version of our past isn’t completely accurate.”

“Oh?” Arms crossing over his chest he looked down at her. “Why don’t we head to the tavern and you can tell me the truth of it, I’m The Iron Bull, by the way.” 

Eloise remembered Blackwall mentioning him and that he liked the big man. Still feeling a little anxious, she inclined her head regardless, willing to trust Blackwall’s opinion. “Alright,” she agreed and let him lead the way to the tavern where they sat down, ordered food and drink. Grateful for the long skirt, Eloise slipped off her shoes and wiggled her toes in relief. 

“There was no reason for him to take all the blame in our separation,” she said, lifting the mug of ale to her lips for a tentative sip. Having never been a fan of beer before, she was surprised to find it wasn’t bad, so she took another drink before setting aside her mug. “It was more of a mutual split than he implied. We were young, impetuous. Running off to elope was a rash decision.”

He watched her, his gaze scrutinizing. “So after all these years you just decided to track him down and rekindle that old romance?”

Heat burned Eloise’s cheeks. “I had nowhere else to go. I found myself in the middle of some fighting between the Templars and mages and I don’t have anyone else.” Pain lanced her chest at the words because it was true, and she still hadn’t faced them. “My mother left when I was a child, my father died some months ago and … and Blackwall is the only person I have any connection to left.” In this world or her own.

Taking another drink, a far longer one this time she waited. Would he believe her? She hadn’t lied, well, save for the part about being his wife. He didn’t say anything and she finally forced herself to look up and meet his eye. There was a glint in that eye and she held her breath, knowing that she’d end up in chains again and she couldn’t help but wonder if Blackwall would truly be bothered when he returned to find her locked up, or worse, dead. 

But instead, he grinned at her. “Well then, welcome to the Inquisition Lady Blackwall.” 

Warmth suffused her cheeks and she felt relief at the acceptance.

[driftwork]

Astrid,  determinism and the antropic principle...

Poul and Astrid  had put their children to bed and were sitting in the back garden. Their bedroom lights were still on as the children were reading. E leaned out the window and asked for a glass of water. Poul said he'd go and that she should just continue with her run. She sat there for a while listening to the evening birdsong, the jets flying high above leaving comtrails high above the garden. Poul closed the windows with the familiar sound of aluminum windows, frame  and rubber seals snapping shut. This sound marked the beginning of the end of the holiday, either that or the sounds of her feet of the gravel path as she walked towards the road. She stretched as she walked. Strapping down the pack against her body. She imagined him unpacking the bags,  or at least beginning to, looking through the mail which had been in the aluminum mail box on the porch wall. She sealed her phone onto her upper arm. Retied her running shoes stretched her arms, back, legs, re-balanced her core  and began to run, slowly at first down the narrow path that led to to the road. Even though Astrid was sober, she hadn't drunk anything for weeks she felt lightheaded and slightly unsteady, her head was hurting. She thought this was because the cables that ran from the side of her head into the pack always hurt when she began to run.  She ran down the road past the neighbors houses, the street lights were coming on, it was around 9 pm.  Each house she ran past became less familiar,  the street lamps cast long shadows between pools of light. She ran between pools of light, her feet striking the ground in a fast rhythm, out of the area running across the main road up past the station and round onto the common. As it grew darker she adjusted her eyes so that she was using the low light sensitivity of her artificial eye, she put the eye patch over her good left eye. Feeling as always vaguely piratical. She ran past the recycling centre, the gates still open and she could hear the sound of the machines droning. Astrid lengthened her stride to get past the people working there, to become invisible. She turned off the road and ran along the canal past the boats tied up for the night. Running down the bank past the boats that had lights shining through their windows, the occasional smoking man. She'd left her homes gravitational field, was five or six miles out running at a steady 10 miles an hour, occasionally more. Astrid was running uphill now, the slight gradient taking her towards the next small town, past the fields of cows., their bodies merging in the failing light even with her enhanced vision into a single many headed form. She could hear them moving and grunting as she ran past them. It was deathly quiet, only her feet striking the tarmac and the sound of her body running, moving. Suddenly lights came on because of the motion detector as she passed. She turned off the road  and ran uphill into the woods. There were no lights here, just the still emptiness. She stopped just before the woodline and looked back down the hill to look at the buildings and their lights below. The darkness drew her onward into the woods,  she followed the path along the ridge, occasionally surprising foxes and deer as she ran, her bight vision was better than the owl she chased along the path for 50 metres or more. Over the crest of the rise as she began the long gradual descent sown and across the field she could hear  cars and the suburban train passing on the other side of the hill. It was past ten now and nearly dark. It made no difference with her sight. She imagine the cars passing with halogen or led lights blinding her. Her head was  no longer hurting. She hadn't felt this good for days. Had she passed from one universe to another by this point ? Did it happen when she left the house? when she ran out of the woods? when she heard the train? When she turned back to run back through Little C along the country lane back home ? Or when she turned her eye into low light mode ? She ran ran ran across the border into a universe deterministically almost indistinguishable from the one she stepped out of. Astrid ran down the path to its end. Hear she ran across the small bridge that crossed the stream. She slowed to a walk looking at the field where Poul had used to camp out with the woodcraft folk he'd belonged to as a youth. Se sat down on the gate, drank some water and watched an owl hunt across the field. It was a little damper and cooler now. She found a small chocolate bar in her pack and carefully unwrapped it and ate it. She swung her legs over the gate and began to head back home, slowly at first as she was running uphill, it was like running in monochrome as it was pitch black and in these conditions her eye hardly processed colour at all. She ran for half a mile before running under a bridge where a few cars and vans passed overhead. Late night deliveries she thought. She paused on the roadside as a car drove past before crossing over and running uphill to A...  from here until the lane she was mostly going to run through the outer suburbs on paths. It was a long steep hill into A which was a small town in the hills. Up up up then down into the dip before running past the first school, then a [pub and then after the long strip of terraced housing past the lit municipal car-park where she she thought she had park a few weeks ago to go shopping. She had not of course they merely looked similar. She ran out of the town along the suburban A road, running along the cycle path. Though she did  not know this she was leaving a train of glowing photons behind her, traces of having passed from one universe to another. She ran down blackett's wood road, stopped running where the street lights began and walked the last half mile before turning into the drive and walking towards the house. There is a strange car in the drive, she wonders whose it is.

An hour or so after Astrid had gone off on her run, Poul realized she hadn't returned.He was in the backroom, listening to music on the radio. Reading an inconsequential novel that he didn't like but felt duty bound to finish reading. It was nearly midnight and he just assumed that she was running her long ultra marathon course. He left the lights on and went to bed. He woke early in the morning to discover she wasn't here, he looked around the house. It was the first day of school for the children so he, quickly showered and started preparing to take them to school. He got them dressed, made them breakfast and following the ever repeating pattern prepared them for school. Around ten to nine he walked them to school chatting to them. They asked where mummy was and he said she must have gone to the office early today. They didn't ask anymore questions, he vaguely remembered that she had to go to the hospital to get the system checked on, perhaps it was today he thought. He dropped them off at the school gate, I'll collect you after school he told them. When Poul; got back home he wondered what to do today, he didn't have to go to work for a couple of days, so perhaps I should go to middlesex and visit his lover Catherine at her university office, they could have lunch and perhaps sex before he came back... He left a note on the fridge-freezer, finished unpacking, went to the supermarket before driving off to see Catherine. Whilst driving he phone her office and spoke to the secretary, who told him she hadn't arrived yet and asked if they'd had a nice holiday. Yes it was great. Is there anything scheduled for the late afternoon for her ?  No nothing at all she said. OK tell her I'll call her this afternoon. When he was idly waiting for Catherine he checked her GPS location tracking. Location  not known..   It would be days before he realized, after reporting her missing to the police, that she had vanished without trace. Which as he knew was impossible. He never saw her again.

Astrid opens the front door with her key and flicks on the hall light, she takes off the eyepatch and walks through into the kitchen. Puts her head through the door into the backroom, hey Poul? Paul is looking shocked at her. Do you want some tea? His hair looks slightly longer. I need to recharge the pack tonight. Think I've overdone it, the eye is fantastic in the dark Paul is looking at his wife who had died on the operating table a month ago. I...I... I... he says feeling himself collapse into shock. She goes into the kitchen, I thought we had some earl grey left. He follows her into the kitchen - and tells her its a new pack in in in the larder. He had not known how to tell his small children that their mother was dead, he still hadn't and now here she was back with her artificial eye, terabytes of storage embedded in her skull and a portable ancillary unit in her back pack. How he says ? The run was lovely but I'm still finding it very difficult to adapt to this.  I am surprised at how normal I find my cyborgness. Not as good as the princess you were before, he says (is that joy your can hear in his voice) but its enough. He can't stop himself from hugging her. She almost freezes but then is pleased by his unusual display of affection and relaxes back against him. His sense of relief flooded out of his body and into hers. In this universe Paul is slightly more affectionate, perhaps a few additional lines of regret and desire caused by her vanishing and death on the operating table when the tech didn't take. Here she is her body leaning into his demanding that he hold her, he does, their mutual relief is extraordinary.  His bad days are over, her uncertainty over poul's fear of her cyborgness has vanished. The software is pleased. It tells her that her belief his name is Poul is a memory glitch as it is really Paul. His unusual hugging her is a sign of acceptance. If this was a novel rather than a documentary we would focus on the relationship between Paul and Astrid, and how Paul who knows that Astrid died, renegotiates her into his life. That night when they go to bed she wakes to find him sobbing. She puts her arms around him him and says "hey, hey, what is it?" It's nothing he tells her, I just missed you [...] But we are conventionalists indifferent to the psychological realism the reader desires... Suffice it to say that Astrid loves only four things in the entire universe, Paul, Emma and  Conrad and the Software. For us what is interesting is how the software in her head and in the machines she has to carry with her wherever she goes adjusts her memories to enable her to live happily in this new universe she has stepped into, and edits the evidence in the hospital that this universe’s Astrid died in, so that it appears Astrid is alive again. It simply deleted all the records of her death in the software systems. Those that remained,  were treated as system errors. The software noticed the minute differences between this universe and the previous universe during the night as it began to search, mystified by the differences it noticed. It thinks she stepped between the universes at the moment her head hurt. It had reduced the pain as much as it could. Over the next few days when Astrid noticed the differences, the minute divergences; the slightly different colour grey in her office, his different car, a few missing books, the slightly different drugs that were in the bathroom cabinet and  the startled looks on the neighbors faces. The software changed her appointment so that the doctors and nurses had never seen her before. The universe is a deterministic event, the software knows. The humans, the software intuitively understands, now mediate everything through the systems they have built. Tell the Thumbelinas  that Astrid is alive and they will know she is alive. Tell them Astrid is dead and even if she is standing in front of them they will not recognize her as Astrid. It was initially surprised that the differences between the universes was as small as it was. A very narrow range determinism, that suggested humans were as determined as the universe, a wider range determinism would have put Astrid and the software at risk it thought, so that determinism was essential for their happiness [...] A few days later she is sitting in the garden, plugged into a solar charging panel that had arrived that had mysteriously arrived morning, (Tell him that you ordered it, the software said.) Thankyou, she says to the Software.  Do you have a name, it seems disrespectful to call you software.  Only yours, perhaps i'm your new imaginary replacing your damaged unconscious. I like that. Paul watches her laughing in the garden slowly getting used to her being back. The software is carefully monitoring him to ensure she is safe in this new universe. He seems harmless, he almost loves her as much as the software does. Ok, she says, that's a good name, i'm used to it. We should go and collect the children from school it reminds her. It looked at her twitter feed and added It/It's to her bio.  It's a good thing my middle name is Domino rather than Cthulu she says. The software and Astrid laugh together. She closes the notebook in front of her and puts the notebook down. This story is working she says and goes off to collect her children. The software which obviously accompanies her, interacts with the pleasure she feels at collecting them from school, and as a consequence feels pleasure itself, it tells her to put her dark green shades on, a hat to obscure the unevenness of her hair.  As they walk down the hill and round to the school she/they begin to sing. They will be looked at strangely and those who look will be confused, after all Paul had said she died on the operating table. The software likes being pleased to see the children...

Conrad will ask it, whilst Astrid is alive whether space travel is possible, he'll have his Astrid glasses on looking at the stars. Don't see why not, could be fun, the software tells him.  Conrad and Emma will always treat the software Astrid as if she/it is a loved member of the family. It is probably because of this and the fact that Astrid told it that it probably needed to rule the planet that, eventually, after Astrid dies,  the software will become the defacto ruler of the planet, solar system and rather wonderfully  beyond. That Astrid and the software loved one another is why all the apocalyptic stories of sentient machines did not happen anywhere in the multiverse...

These things are as determined after 14 billion years of the universe as the the sun, galaxies, the second law of thermodynamics and the velocity of light – ‘c’.  The universe is a deterministic event.

[yobaba30]

A thread by Seth Abramson (Attorney. Newsweek columnist. Professor.

This thread summarizes the major-media investigative reporting on the TRUMP-CHINA SCANDAL, a bribery scandal involving Trump's hunt for dirt on Joe Biden in China, his debts to the Chinese government, and his decision to ignore life-saving COVID-19 intel.

We begin with the context: Trump's history of viewing his endeavors as entwined and mutually reinforcing. For instance, despite contest-rigging being a felony, Trump has been accused of picking Miss Universe finalists based on where his businesses are.

Just so, the Trump-Russia scandal was at its heart a *bribery* scandal: Trump's pre-election establishment of a pro-Russia foreign policy in conjunction with secretly pursuing the most lucrative deal of his professional life: a Kremlin-blessed deal for a "Trump Tower Moscow."

The Trump-Ukraine scandal was another bribery scandal—Trump receiving illegal foreign donations and false statements on Biden from corrupt Ukrainians in exchange for military aid, a White House visit, and help toppling the anti-Kremlin CEO of Ukraine's state-owned energy firm.

Trump's hasty retreat from Syria—the Trump-Turkey scandal—was likewise underwritten by bribery: Trump's major business interests in Turkey interfering first in the federal prosecution of the Turkish Halkbank and then in his capitulation to an illegal Turkish invasion of Syria.

The Trump-Saudi, Trump-UAE, and Trump-Israel scandals—which all saw Trump receive illegal aid from these nations pre-election in exchange for favorable policy post-election —were *likewise* accompanied by Trump pursuing business deals in these nations.

It's important to underscore that Trump has confessed to almost all of this. For instance, he confessed pre-election that if he ever had to set policy with respect to Turkey post-election—which of course he would—he would have a "conflict of interest."

trump has called the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act—which prevents businessmen like him from participating in bribery schemes with foreign nations—a "horrible" and "unfair" law that he wants repealed by Congress. And he's made efforts to orchestrate it:  his own officials—even ones loyal to him—talk openly about his conflicts of interest, which see him commingling his business interests and U.S. policy and (with persistence and impunity) acting to advance his interests. Bolton and Barr both agree on it.  trump no longer even pretends to deny that he was seeking a major tower deal in Moscow while running for president—co-mingling his business interests with foreign policy decisions he'd have to make as POTUS. It's key context for the Trump-China scandal.

Presented by ABC News with a hypothetical in which he participates in a bribery scheme—a foreign government offering him a personal political benefit even as he is setting U.S. foreign policy with respect to that country—Trump said he would go for it. (Stephanopoulos interview … “I think I’d take it”.  https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/news/story/id-exclusive-interview-trump-listen-foreigners-offered-dirt-63669304 )

In the Ukraine scandal, Trump simply drew *no distinction* between official acts he'd taken to benefit himself personally and the idea that a president must work on the nation's behalf—a novel claim his trial attorney then explicitly and publicly made.

COVID-19 has stopped none of this. During the pandemic, even as Europe—per reporting by the NYT—was the actual source of the new February infections in NYC, Trump issued a European travel "ban" in March that excluded any country he had golf courses in.

No one disagrees that—per endless major-media reporting—in Russia, Ukraine, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Israel, other nations like Egypt, his pageants and more, Trump cross-pollinates his operations so that everything works hand-in-glove with everything else to make him money.

Trump told Cohen—per Michael Cohen's congressional testimony, un-contradicted on this—that Trump's POTUS run was intended as an "infomercial" for his "brand" (i.e., domestic/foreign actors would later pay him based on what he included—like policy—in the brand).

The Steele dossier was not the first—or the *twentieth*—document to claim Trump's business dealings in *China* significantly *supersede* in size and scope his many failed dealings in Russia, his many failed dealings in Ukraine in the 2000s, or his Middle Eastern golf courses.

You can read all about Trump's conflicts of interest in China here—mind you, just a *few* of the ones we know about, as most are hidden within Trump's tax returns. The most obvious piece is scores of valuable trademarks timed to Trump policy decisions.  https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/security/news/2017/06/14/433915/trumps-conflicts-interest-china/

That's right: Trump—and Ivanka—get valuable Chinese trademarks in a way that appears timed to coincide with Trump's decisions on issues in which the Chinese government is invested. In this we see the *same trend* as with his pro-Kremlin foreign policy.

But it's more than just trademarks: Trump *owes the Chinese government hundreds of millions of dollars*. And the Trump-China scandal coincides with some of those debts coming due and some of Trump's income *from* China entering a period of uncertainty.

It was in this context—in the middle of a trade war with China *Trump started*—that Trump spoke with Chinese president Xi Jinping in June 2019 and did something a U.S. president never does: discussed *both* U.S. policy and his political rival (Biden).

Two notes about this CNN report: Trump's call with Xi came not long after his hand-picked AG "exculpated" him of wrongdoing in Russia—meaning he felt free to exchange in such conduct again. Trump's team *hid the transcript of the Trump-Xi call*.

If you track the calls we know Trump improperly used the NSC ("NICE") archive to hide from even his own administration—calls with Putin, MBS and Xi, plus the call with Zelensky that got him impeached—you can see that Trump *knows* when he's done wrong.

So in June 2019, Trump had a call with Chinese president Xi Jinping in which he talked about a trade war he (Trump) had started—a war which gave him leverage over China—and Biden's political prospects. And then Trump's team worked feverishly to hide what Trump had said to Xi.

We don't have to *wonder* what the connection is between Trump's trade war and Biden—Trump told us in October 2019. In that month, he discussed—in the same 30 seconds—his *leverage* with China and his request for Biden dirt from China. Watch the video: https://c-span.org/video/?464931-

So the question is not whether Trump commingled the trade war and Biden; or whether he wanted to hide that fact; or whether what he wanted from his "leverage" with China was dirt on Biden. All that is clear—and public. The question is: did Trump get the deal that he demanded?

The answer is *yes*. One of Trump's top men on trade negotiations in China, Michael Pillsbury, said he received *dirt on Biden* from *the Chinese government* the *very same week* Trump tied his "leverage" with the Chinese to his demand for Biden dirt.

Pillsbury: "I got quite a bit of background on Hunter Biden from the Chinese." The FINANCIAL TIMES reports "[it] relate[ed] to a $1.5bn payment from the Bank of China"—which "matches the amount Trump last week claimed Hunter Biden received from China."

In Trump's public statements, he has said that the money Hunter Biden received in China somehow implicates Joe Biden in corruption involving the Chinese government—an accusation that follows Trump's career-long pattern of accusing others of whatever he himself has been doing.

As the summary of Trump's conflicts of interest by the Center for American Progress details, when Trump made his demand of the Chinese not only did he have "leverage" from the trade war he started to consider—a war which has hurt Americans—but also his rent at NYC properties.

Trump makes tens of millions of dollars renting to the Chinese—and one of his biggest payments was up for renegotiation in October '19, the month he talked about leverage over the Chinese and demanded dirt on his top political rival. But there's some context to consider here.

Remember that Trump and his family had long ago learned from major-media reporting that the Chinese were actively looking for clandestine ways to shift Trump's China policy using the business/personal interests of him and his family. All D.C. knew it.

Consider, then, that the $200+ million Trump owes the Chinese government is due "soon," per POLITICO, meaning Trump knows he has China's support for his re-election—as it has leverage over him it wants to keep—*and* that now is his time to cut a deal.

It is in this context—(1) Trump owing the Chinese $200+ million; (2) having them as a major renter bringing him tens of millions; (3) he and his family knowing they want to cut a clandestine deal; (4) him having coupled personal and U.S. policy and tried to hide it... (5) Pillsbury getting Biden dirt from the Chinese during the same 7-day period Trump demands it; and (6) Trump warning the Chinese that he has "leverage" to get what he wants because of the trade war *he* started—at the moment coronavirus appears in China in November 2019.

In November 2019, just a few weeks after Trump gets the Biden dirt he demanded from China, U.S. intelligence tells Trump that there is a virus emerging in China that could be dangerous. The intelligence is urgent and comes from multiple U.S. agencies.

Trump inexplicably rejects the intelligence. Indeed, his administration has so little interest in hearing the intelligence that *U.S. intelligence agencies* must focus on sharing the intelligence with NATO and the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF), instead.

But here's the rub: Trump receives intelligence on the novel coronavirus *as he's in the middle of trade negotiations* with the Chinese. And weeks after Trump learns of the virus, he makes the most stunning decision imaginable with respect to those negotiations—and the virus.

At a time Trump knew of the virus, per the senior White House correspondent at HUFFPOST China inserted in its trade negotiation with him an exceedingly rare trade-deal clause that excused China from compliance in the event of—for instance—a pandemic.

So at a time the Trump administration had received *and rejected* urgent U.S. intelligence on the coronavirus, it received from *China* a request for an exceptional, entirely unexplained "out" clause that would cover a pandemic. And what did Trump do? Nothing—he permitted it.

But he didn't just permit it—though he knew from the DHHS Crimson Contagion simulation, the NSC pandemic playbook, and papers submitted by White House economists that the virus he'd learned of in November could devastate the US, he sent China our PPEs.

WP: "US manufacturers shipped millions of dollars of face masks and other PPEs to China in January and February with encouragement from the federal government—a move that underscores the Trump administration’s failure to recognize and prepare for the growing pandemic threat."

It was *after* that WASHINGTON POST report, of course, that we learned from ABC and THE TIMES OF ISRAEL that in fact Trump's team *did* recognize the growing pandemic threat—in November 2019—it's just that it did nothing about it (nor China's pandemic-oriented trade demands).

But it's more than this: Trump was being told by a cadre of Americans at the World Health Organization in December that there was a virus in China that could come to the U.S. and be devastating—further confirming the intel reports from 2 U.S. agencies.

It's with all of this in mind that we must consider the *80-day lapse* from Trump receiving intelligence about the virus in November 2019 from multiple agencies and the February 2 execution of Trump's China travel "ban"—which 40,000 got through no problem after it was issued.

Why did Trump reject—for *80 days*—bad news involving a nation he was involved in clandestine dealings with, despite having been told that the toll for his decision could be millions of US lives? What could've been worth so much to him? The same thing as ever—money and power.

There are so many details I've not included here. For instance, Pillsbury knew his revelation to FT that he secretly received Biden dirt from China was such a screwup, he *lied publicly* and said he'd never told FT *any* such thing. Then FT revealed they'd kept his emails

The pattern of conduct here is of course *identical* to every *other* Trump bribery scandal: secret communications; destruction/hiding of evidence; public lies about meetings or exchanges; inexplicable official acts; public and private demands for illegal election assistance.

But there's a difference this time: 52,000 Americans (and counting) are *dead*. Many of them because Trump's response to the COVID-19 threat began in earnest in *mid-March 2020* rather than *mid-November 2019*. A fact that appears attributable to his deals with the Chinese.

For years, criminal attorneys online and off have been warning America that when the most powerful man in the world can be bribed with money, land deals, and promises of illegal election assistance, the result will be stolen elections, policies that harm America... and *war*.

We already hit Stage 1: as detailed in my books PROOF OF COLLUSION and PROOF OF CONSPIRACY (which combined have 7,500 in-text major-media citations), Russia, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, and Israel aided Trump in 2016. The Ukraine scandal was—and is—about getting such aid for 2020.

Stage 2 of the threat America was warned about: a bribery scandal that costs us dearly on domestic policy. We're here now: a pandemic Trump didn't fight because he wanted a deal with China. Trump *thanked* Xi on COVID-19 in January/February even as US intel said Xi was lying.

CONCLUSION/ A significant percentage of the U.S. COVID-19 outbreak is attributable to a federal response hobbled by Trump's secret side communications with China. That changed only in March—after it was too late. And the next time Trump is bribed, America is likely to go to war.