#i dotn even know what was going on with me??

[the-kneesbees]

i dont think ive ever cried harder in my life than when i watched marys death in anne with an e and im not even exaggerating

[rusty-gloinks]

Another reason why I think the Pomni sacrifice will become a thing is because I’m 99% certain the show takes inspo from Madoka Magica. Specifically the cycle of humans turning into supernatural beings, then turning into eldritch horrors when they get too stressed. Wanna know what happens at the end of Madoka? The lead sacrifices herself :3

WHAT

[elegyofthemoon]

reading springfest now after everything in nagazora is making me crave more fu hua and mei interactions. i feel like thus far in my go through, i've never actually seen them interact, but it's kinda fun that the person who made the recommended reading order put springfest after nagazora (though of course this is probably in preparation for whatevers going on with senti/fu hua rn in ch 19)

but the way that the empyrea isolates herself so she doesn't have any attachment to those who she will outlive and how she winds up becoming lonely as a result threw me back to mei isolating herself in world serpent so that she can protect kiana and just... idk..... i think the two talk about that isolation would be interesting

also. i love fu hua. she's still at the top of my list for best character so i'm just a happy little guy getting more fu hua content now in the story :> yippee fu hua

[ceolocunt]

[maleloli]

Ok i had a panic attack and now everything is allright un the world

[anonymouscheeses]

Bonus under cut vvv

Later that same day:

And... I made an Emily redesign too...... *sniff sob /j* it's not final (like all my redesigns) I'm just trying get better at this design stuff and where better to do it except my current fixation ehhh?????

Long Emily design explanation/rant thing ignore it probably but pls dotn im desperate: I wanted to make her more round and soft cuzzz I love those typa designs I'm just a sucker for circle characters. Made her actually black and not fuckin gray cuz its a transformation to look more human and gentle(for me they go between two forms, their true ones that we see the first time we see them snd their human/softer ones if they ever interact with actual humans which... they usually dont.) Not a demon form tfff. In this version I wanted to put Emily in animal inspired features like... the sheep nose, ears, and hooves. Because she and Sera know that humans and about all beings love animals. Birds have sharp features mostly so they don't look as welcoming as they want to seem. I wanted Emily to look sheep likes and pretty much all the seraphim look more sheep like to make Lucifer stand out as the only one who was symbolized as a snake/goat(still don't know if I'll make him goat or make Lillith goat. I'll decide when I get there lmao). Justtt overalll wanted Emily to look more round, welcoming, and cute. I kept the freckles lighter than her skin color(even tho that's SUPER not accurate to what actually black people look like with freckles but whatevr) because it reminded me of fawns and.... sure Emily is a sheep but I still wanted to incorporate other cute animal traits with her cyz y not.

[mysticalrosemary]

i am really lost regarding manifesting my ex back i broke up with him on 1st august and then we came up with a deal that we'd analyse stuff over us and in a month we'd decide if the break up is permanent or not on 15th of september and for sm reason we didn't get together and since the day we broke up i have been crying, every single day affirming, visualising and doing everything even sats my self concept is pretty good tbh but it' almost been 3 months actually 2.5 or 2.6 months or smtg but yeah i wish to celebrate diwali with him, get back together before 27th of october and end the year with him and do whatever we dreamt of but with each passing day, i feel more and more hopeless, i can't do anything and it's not just him, it's other things too, my dad's promotion and stuff, even that isn't happening even though i have been affirming idk what i am doing, i dont need to tudy, i can get marks wo studying (manifesting) i dread to wake up every single day i wish to talk to him and text him and hug him, but it feels hopeless, it's been so so long, how much longer do i need to suffer?? it's as if, whenever i put uppp a specific dae too, i amm putting muself up for failure now and same goes for meditations where they go ,,he's calling you/ texting you" it's not working lately like, you do all of these things to experience in the 3d right? then why not?? why isn't it happening? ii did give it time i wish to be with him now, right this instant how much longer do i need to wait for everything to shift for my favour? i know everything works for my favour, i do know and it has but when does it change? i do not like this life when? it hurts i want to talk to him, to hug him, now i want us together now before 27th please help please

i dont wish to wake up anymore, sleeping is better than this

and i keep venting about it, which makes me feel better but that's me repeatedly saying the version i dotn like

I would advise you to stop venting about the negative version, as this reinforces the unwanted reality. Instead, I suggest consciously redirecting your focus toward the desired version of your SP. Each time you catch yourself complaining or dwelling on what you don't like, flip it into affirmations that align with what you do want—speak as if the ideal version is already happening. The key is persistence: by consistently affirming the desired outcome, you’ll shift your thoughts and, eventually, your reality to match.

hope this helps love <33

[mayrine]

There is no way the federation doesn’t have some sort of plan for q!bad

Why do they like him so much???

He has done worse things them both Phil and Mike so why not punish him

-Does the federation want bad on their side so that’s why the are playing nice?

That doent make any sense cause first of all it would be much easier to drug him or force him into submission then to just wait for him to join you and second of all Bad is one of the most vocal federation haters and I don’t think the federation is that dumb to hope that he’ll just change him mind

-Is it just an attempt to maybe turn people against bad?

People seeing him not being punished might make them think that he’s an undercover agent for the federation. But that also doesn’t make any sense cause literally everyone one the island trust bad and agin I don’t think think that the federation is dumb enough to think that people will turn on bad

-Maybe bad used to work for the federation and that’s why they’re nice to him?

But they have kidnapped Jaiden before who is also a federation favorite so if that’s true idk why they wouldn’t just also kidnapped bad

Look we know absolutely nothing about the federation. We don’t know any of their plans, we don’t know why they trapped people here, we don’t know what kind of experiments they were/are doing on the eggs, we dotn even know if cucurucho is really the one in control here

But this still is the thing that makes me the most confused

Why do they like bad so much??

Is he really just a “special guest”?

I really want to see if we’re going to get an explanation to why the federation acts so differently to bad then to any other player

[moreofthatdrowse]

JO Survey: What's a favorite JO moment of yours? Could be very small or something big

There were too many good answers in the questions with open answers in my Joker Out Survey, so below the cut are the answers to Question no. 14: What's a favorite JO moment of yours? Could be very small or something big

When bojan exists but also when they sung the boys are back from HSM in an interview in all the languages

Nace & Bojan completing my heart hands thing at a concert :) (& Nace showing the heart on his bass in my direction )

sparklative, the turtle interview, every interaction between jan and nace (it's hard to pick a favourite)

It's so hard to choose! Aside from repeating what I said before, I'll say I love them doing stuff with pride flags during concerts, and them hanging out together during Novi Val. Also them just wearing each others clothes. And the whole thing with Because of You during Eurovision. And Bojan singing Cha Cha Cha. And Tavastia. And Kris during the Katrina video whirling around his jacket. Ok I can't choose and I can go on forever.

When Nace started talking about his turtles

kris being a hater 🫶

how dare you make me pick one smh i guess the performance of novi val in Glasgow with the pride flag i dotn get emotional about artists raising pride flags in general even tho im queer but that specific moment in a CHURCH with THAT song made me sob

I can't choose so I've got 3: 1. WHY THIS HAS BEEN SO HAS BIVEN SPARKLY?! SPARKLING?! SPARKLATIVE?!?!?! 2. the interview where they talk about Nace's turtles ("shiiiit, they don't like to be pet!") 3. every time Bojan and Kris banter with each other 😭 and I saw this irl too when I was at their concert in London and Kris wouldn't stop playing his guitar whilst Bojan was trying to tune his

I've really enjoyed watching the behind the scenes video series' from Eurovision and the tour.

It's a tie between (i) pretty much any interview they've ever done and (ii) the Cvetličarna concert (didn't attend but have watched the footage)

Them comforting Käärijä together after his loss

Bojan's thighs lol

I really like drunk Kris at Barcelona preparty screaming "OH, SSF!" and dancing like the tall tree he is 🤣❤️‍🔥

Their joy in eurovision

"Sparklative"

The moment that Jan signed my jacket

Jan and Nace interacting on stage

Idk i love all the behind the scenes videos?

Them all singing together (see carpe diem series ep 7 amsterdam :D)

The backstage series

The Electric Ballroom gig in London & their reaction when Slovenia entered the grand final at ESC

Jan and Nace playing kazoos in the UK tour ep 2

You expect me to chose?? /j

Every Novi val performance.

anything Jan and Nace get up to tbh

Every moment in that "joker out being bros for 5 min straight" video or wtv or was called. Need friendships like that fr

don't know if it's my favorite moment per se but i do love how they all immeadiately fell in love with jere (käärijä), especially bojan ofc <3

Why has been so sparkling? ✨

Bojan draped in a pride flag in an old church while singing novi val. Top 3 moments to cry about at 3am tbh

The performance of Novi Val in Križanke. Also, this is not a JO moment as such, but a clip where Bojan imitates a german kid telling his mom he wants to jump on the trampoline(?) I'm sorry, but man's funny as fuck, I think about that clip often.

I haven't seen them live yet, so all the best moments are yet to come :)

All of them cuddles

I don’t knoww Maček in a box

kris tilting his head back, eurovision in my city, SEEING THEIR TOUR BUS IN LIVERPOOL WJEN ME AND MY FRIEND WERE OUT IN THE CITY CENTER THE DAY AFTER WE SAW THEM @ MANCHESTER

I don't know yet - there's so many moments! So many smiles and like laying their heads on each others shoulders during concerts and looking out for each other. <3

I liked how promptly they got rid of gregor on a serious level and also on a happy level when they qualified to the Eurovision final

cvetličarna

Bojan and Kaarija’s bromance

I don't know to many options

Love how often TURTOL is brought up. Nace would be proud <3

QUESTIONS 1-11 I QUESTION 12 I QUESTION 13 I QUESTION 14

[kats-kradle]

Hey! Journeying over from rereading your fics to ask you some Poirot questions! : ) Had you already liked Poirot prior to 2017’s Murder on the Orient Express? And did you immediately fall in love with Bouc in the first film or did it take until Death on the Nile?

Hi!! I love talking about Poirot!! Buckle up😂😂

First off I would like to say that it made my day to see that not only did you read my fics but you reread them!! And then you actually came here to talk to me!! You’re the first person who’s actually done that so it really made my day. 

Also: I apologize in advance. When I start talking about Poirot I tend to launch into rants and I… may have done that here so I will say now in case you don’t make it to the end that I would love to hear your thoughts about the movies or anything else Poirot related! Did you know about Poirot before the movie? What are your thoughts about Bouc?

To answer your questions, I guess I could say that technically I liked Poirot before watching the movie. I actually had never heard about Poirot until the movie came out, and one of my sister’s friends took her to see it and then leant her the book. I stole it and read it in almost one night and ever since then have been absolutely enthralled by Agatha Christie! I own almost all of the Poirot books and have been trying to branch out and sample her other writings, but I keep coming back to Poirot. 

By the time Death on the Nile came out I forgot the Bouc was a character who existed because I hadn’t seen MotOE since it came out in 2017. When I saw him, I did remember that he’d been in the last movie, and was absolutely delighted that they were going to turn him into the Hastings of the movies (especially because he was so happy and full of life😭) which of course we all know what happened with that and now that I’ve recovered from my shock and denial I can take a step back and acknowledge it was a FANTASTIC choice to kill him, and to do it in such a shocking way—but also, I’m also not a a fan of how much Kenneth Branagh deviated from the source material by doing that. 

Adding Bouc to the movie was a choice that made sense, if Kenneth Branagh is going for a Poirot Cinematic Universe. People expect a sidekick, and in stories where the cast has to change every movie, it’s nice for the audience to have a familiar face other than the main detective. However, I also think Kenneth Branagh shot himself in the foot by shooting Bouc in the neck, because he went out of his way to add and establish Bouc as a reoccurring character, just to kill him off in the second movie. I think the audience will now have more difficulty connecting with the side characters in the future since they’ve had two movies with the same character, as a opposed to already being used to the characters changing every movie. But then again, I’m still in denial. Along with this, it’s setting up the next movie to have a distinctly dark tone.

Well, now I’ve gotten started on the topic of Poirot and I can’t stop😂😂😂 Enjoy my decent into madness.

Another way that dear Kenny boy shot himself in the foot is with the iconic mustache. His mustaches in MotOE were luscious and beautiful, despite the critic they received. Branagh understood that Poirot has impressive mustaches that are quite a spectacle to behold, even if the rest of the world can only picture the measly little mustache that David Suchet displays in his version of Poirot (don’t get me wrong I love those adaptations but just… the mustache is all wrong. And David Suchet Poirot is a subject for a different time or we’ll be here forever😂😂). In DotN, for some reason he felt the need to give the mustaches a tragic backstory????? Narratively, I guess it’s a nice bookend and theme to the movie as a whole. BUT HE FELT THE NEED TO GIVE THE MUSTACHES A TRAGIC BACKSTORY????????????? Despite the fact that in DotN the mustaches aren’t actually long enough anymore to cover up the scaring shown at the beginning, HAIR DOESNT GROW ON SCAR TISSUE!!!! It just doesn’t make sense😭 Along with that, now he’s destroyed the main characteristic of Poirot, his trademark. Poirot is quite vain about his mustaches and even when he wears a fake one in Curtain (for reasons that I won’t spoil but if you know you know) Hastings only finds out at the end of the book, and Poirot’s manservant treats the subject with delicacy since the mustaches were such a sensitive subject to Poirot. 

While I’m STILL talking about Poirot (forgive my rant I can’t stop) I’m going to take the opportunity to mention the stark difference in quality between MotOE and DotN. I’ve now seen both of these movies multiple times and back to back. Overall, I think MotOE is much better. DotN uses a lot of green screen, and it’s pretty obvious and creates for some flat feeling backgrounds. For MotOE, they took shots of the mountains and overlayed the train on, instead of all CGI. Now, I don’t know for sure how much of each movie and which parts use CGI; it could be that MotOE uses more CGI and I just have a bad eye for spotting it. It was just my impression that the backgrounds in DotN were severely lacking. 

And let’s talk about the music. MotOE delivers and excellent score that makes you feel a wide variety of emotions, and they use the theme of repetition well in The Armstrong Case. For me, it had just reached the point in the movie where the theme could have started to be annoying; but the. they used it magnificently when Poirot was explaining the murder, and the simple and relentless, already melancholy melody turned into something truly heartbreaking, turning a scene of twelve people stabbing a man to death into something poetic. 10/10 one of the best uses of music and one of the best scenes ever, in my opinion. DotN, besides the songs sung by the talented Sophie Okonedo as Salome Otterbourne, has no notable music to take away from the movie, besides the absolutely grating (I don’t know what it’s called but it goes like. DUN DUN. DUUUN! DUN DUN. DUUUN! I think if you search Death on the Nile on YouTube you’ll find the song titled the same by Patrick Doyle). I got tired of hearing that by the third time it played, and my annoyance with it was one of the main things that I took away from the movie. 

AND ANOTHER THING both movies took creative liberties with the stories, but one of the creative liberties I did not like about DotN was how explicit they made it. Between that dance floor scene and the scene at the tomb… when I go to see a movie that’s rated PG-13 I like to feel comfortable seeing it with my father and not feel the need to slam my hands over my little sister’s ears. Especially when I want to slam them over my ears instead😭

All this being said I’m 100% going to go see a Haunting in Venice, but not because I’m expecting it to be good. I’d just like more fuel for my rants. I didn’t even get touch upon what an amazing actor Tom Bateman is and how I’m mad that he only plays serial killer roles outside of Bouc. 

Anyways I hope that answers your questions😅 thank you for your ask, and congratulations if you made it this far. It did truly make my day to see the phrase “rereading” in association with my fics, and I feel as if you were some curious passerby on the street who I started passionately and somewhat aggressively ranting at. I apologize. Also I took a break from ranting to check out your blog and you’ve got a great curation of posts. Good luck getting rid of me now. Prepare to see me in your notifications. Sorry for the essay.

[lsblrconfessions]

i cant dye my hair yellow because my eyes are like super bright blue and it would clash so rn im dreading the day that comes when my next appointment is and i cant even say "actually i want another color" because in the midst of trying to pretend to be normal (autism goes hard) while talking with my hairdresser i brought up wantign to dye my hair purple because wemmbu was bouncing on the walls of my brain. im also terrified that people are gonna start piecing my identity together and then its gonna be over for wemmbu hater anon anonymity. I have to keep so many things hidden because even if none of my close friends use tumblr im kind of infamous so the second i slip in an ask its over for me.

also thanks for the suggestion on buyign 2 of every wemmbu merch i get that would fix me, im probably gonna end up gettinf a wemmbu plushie someday and ill just bite his head off for fun idk why but imagiging that calms me down

someday im gonna get put in a psych ward for how i react towards ls. no media has ever gotten me to react like this , nit even my 1 year old hyperfixation on roblox and its driving me insane. Excuse me now i need to go draw wemmbu with my copic markers over and over again because i dotn know what my life has turned into because of my STUPID GRIMMACE SHAKE LOOKING BITCHASS GOD I NEED HIM DEAD xoxo wemmbu hater anon

.

[godsdefect]

9kay take my headconshjm. it's so hot outside. I'm eleting. I'm melting. I feel like an old man how the hell do I do things on this sight without looking like an idiot

ALSO I WRITE FANFICTION. GIVE ME WHUMP IDEAS. GIVE ME ANGST IDEAS. GIVE ME ANY IDEAS. I'LL WRITE THEM. I'LL WRITE THEM FOR YOU!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO!!!!!!!!

SORRY FOR PUTTING A THIRD WALL OF TEXT HERE BUT I'M SHAKING IN MY BOOTS WHAT IF THIS DOESN'T COMPRESS AND IT JUST CLOGS UP THE TAGS????? GUYS IM 𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘒𝘌𝘚 𝘖𝘕 𝘛𝘌𝘈𝘙𝘚 I DOTN WANT TO BE ANNOYING 𝘌𝘟𝘗𝘓𝘖𝘋𝘌𝘚 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘛𝘌𝘈𝘙-𝘐𝘕𝘍𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 𝘎𝘖𝘙𝘌 𝘍𝘓𝘐𝘌𝘚 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠𝘞𝘏𝘌𝘙��

- Trauma. The shit that he went through wasn't going to let him live the rest of his life peacefully, and a constant reminder of his trauma was the tremor he gained in his hands. Along with the tremor, little aches and pains would form in places like his back, legs, hands, just really anywhere and it would bug him to no end. His hand writing would change as well as his art style, but eventually he'd learn to navigate around it. The tremor would obviously worsen with anxiety attacks and nightmares. Speaking of nightmares, he would be embarrassed to admit he still has them pretty regularly, and he'd need about an hour to properly calm down after having one.

- He's a doodler. Usually his surroundings fall victim to being sloppily sketched into his case book or stranger's passing faces, but he takes a particular liking to drawing flowers. He likes the way the petals unfold, and this is totally not giving me an excuse to say that his favorite flower is starfighter lilies.

- Cole has a slight ick for needles. It won't freak him out too much if he has to hold a syringe or look at one, but for him to see one and knows it's going in him always makes his arms go stiff and look the other way. The pinch of it always makes him want to grit his teeth together. Syrettes especially freak him out.

- Malewife. He loves doing tasks around the house, especially doing dishes or doing laundry with his favorite outfits in them. He's found that he enjoys much simpler jobs or assignments outside of work hours due to how complex and stressful his job as a detective can be, along with cleaning and how it helps clear up his head after a long day.

- Favorite food. When people ask him if he has a favorite food he always writes off the question with a “I don't have one” because he doesn't like giving out personal info, he wants a thick emotional wall between most people in his life that he thinks keeps him safe. But I've deemed that this man has to have a simple but interesting choice of favorite food, and I've decided that to be waffles. Connected to his childhood, hard to mess up, and tasty with a few simple ingredients. He appreciates the recognizable flavor with such a humble breakfast meal, also likes them with nearly gross amounts of syrup and strawberries. No other fruit than strawberries or he can't look at them the same when they're on his plate.

- Love language is gift giving and physical touch, if coexisting in the same room doing your own thing can count as a love language, too, then count that in. Explanation on gift giving, he doesn't like directly giving the gift to his partner with the item in his hands, moreover just leaving it somwhere subtle until his partner finds it and gets surprised by something sweet. Even little things like a neat trinket he found he would bring home, maybe leave it on the nightstand of his partner's as a little way to say ‘this reminded me of you’. Explaining the physical touch thing, it has to be a certain degree of it. Touch that just confirms that someone's there, not too attention catching but just there. Also, the thing about just coexisting in the same room, it has to be somewhere he considers a safe space. His office, for example, is very very sacred to him, and when he lets someone in there to dawdle it's more of like a declaration of trust. The presence of the other would definitely soothe him and he'd stay silent, but it's still a huge milestone in the relationship he would have with someone, whether friend or romantic partner.

- How he sleeps. Usually Cole is so wound up tight that half the time if he has the whole day to sleep he'll only take a light nap before trying to do something productive around the house, although he could have the place bleached and scrubbed down twice and he would still clean it again if he had time. He generally loathes feeling lazy or unproductive to the point that he works himself into oblivion, driving to spouts of burnout/autistic burnout and general uninspiration. When things like that come around, his body moreover forces him to do things like sleep in, which is usually the only time he's ever brushed shoulders with REM sleep. Okay moving onto sleeping habits, he would definitely be a light sleeper and find himself drooling onto his pillow obnoxiously often. When he goes into deeper dozes you could throttle him and he wouldn't even feel it in his dreams. It's silly but it's a lighter side to how hellish it is for him to get some real rest.

- Cole's stance on religion. He used to be religious, but that was only when he was a kid. By the time he was a teen he just couldn't grasp that there was some big man in the sky looking down on them, it felt impossible to connect to Christianity in any kind of way. White noise was only ever heard when he asked God about something, and the first and last time he ever went to a priest about something like that he was told that he had done something wrong and that God was punishing him for it. This would obviously break Cole's heart as a young boy, but no matter how hard he tried he'd never be able to force God to acknowledge him. So he'd just give up. Religion after that would be kind of a sensitive topic for him, but he'd still say he was Christian in fear of being berated. His stance on firmly not being religious would further solidify when he was fighting in the war and as a last resort would pray to God to save his men only to see them get killed and think ‘no loving god would do this to his creation’.

- Cole gets really bad homesickness. Ever since he got home from the war leaving home would never be the same for him, especially now that he practically sees his home office as a refuge. Leaving home for work or anything like that wouldn't bother him the slightest, but being away from something he holds so near and dear to his heart for a few days would make him feel like he constantly needs to puke or that the air is unnecassarily suffocating.

- Cole is a silent crier. He will actually just sit on the edge of his bed and stare into nothing until he either wills the tears away or they just fall down his face. He’d probably just scrub them off with his sleeves and sniffle a bit before shaking himself out of it and distracting himself with work or liquor – maybe even a task around the house. He was raised thinking that the “boys don’t cry” stuff was real n all, which is really unfortunate, I feel like he would need to catch a break sooner or later or else he’ll have a breakdown at the slightest inconvenience.

[allsadnshit]

i really feel your post about seeming to inspire so much rage from others when you’re haute dusting as yourself? i’ve tried so fucking hard to hide myself and make myself into what people want. but they still hate me just the same. i dotn want to care, but it’s made my life incredibly difficult especially with employment. the problem is always me. and while i am very much always open to self criticism and owning up to my faults and working for change…it feels impossible that i am ALWAYS the one to blame. i work so hard to change for others but they never even consider how they treat me, and then they blame me for struggling.

I totally feel that, and it's really really hard and demoralizing to go through! I think one of the most important things I've realized in the last few years in reference to that is the classic "even if the harm was not our fault, our healing is our own responsibility". It feels sooo harsh at first like "oh so everyone hurt me and now it's only my problem?! Where's the justice in that?!"

But it's actually not about shifting blame, or focusing on blame at all! It's about seeing you are the one with the most power in your own life, and it's a choice to change for your benefit or stay the same to your detriment! It's tempting to give the world the power to decide if you will be safe and happy and secure but when we give that choice back to ourselves by allowing other peoples anger and judgements to be nothing beyond what they really are: a projection of their own insecurity and self hatred onto us, then we can start to tolerate the painful emotions and sensations that we have become accustomed to feeling in response

And once you can tolerate that discomfort, and be self compassionate but stern through them

Then they don't control you!!!!

I am not perfect at it, and peoples words DO hurt me alllll the time, but I don't let that be where things end in processing it, I do things for myself to comfort and clarify that bitches wish I didn't know how to do but I can now

[ivy-is-fine]

WARNING: long vent underneath; mostly self deprecation so be mindful of that if you decide to read

chat I’m genuinely tweaking out so fucking bad rn I just spent like an hour and half making a custom Minecraft skin and then I accidentally hit something that destroyed all of my progress, RIGHT BEFORE I DOWNLOADED IT YALL I GONNA EXPLODE I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE SO UPSET OVER SIMETHING STUPID AND POINTLESS AND SMALL AS THIS BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT IM GOING TO CRY AND THEN I DONT KNOW THROW A HAT AT THE GROUND YALL IT LOOKED SO GOOD I LOVED IT AND THEN I FUCKING RUINED IT ILL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THE SAME EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT, JUST HOW I WANTED IT TO BE. I KNOW I CAN JUST MAKE ANOTHER AND BE MORE CAREFUL BUT THAT WILL TAKE SO MUCH MORE TIME AND IT WAS SO TEDIOUS THAT TO SPEND MORE TIME WOULD MAKE THE EXPERIENCE EVEN WORSE. CHAT. CHAT IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND. AND I KNOW IM ONLY SO EMOTIONAL OVER THIS BECAUSE ITS HOT AND MISERABLE AND IM OVERSTIMULATED AND THERES SOMETHING WRONG GOING ON IN MY BODY THATS MADE ME LOSE THE WILL TO EAT AND I HATE MYSELF AND EXISTING FEELS GROSS AND I HAVE NO ENERGY SO NOW IM CRYING JUST AS BAD OVER THIS STUPID, POINTLESS THING AS I DID WHEN MY FUCKING CAT DIED. IM NOT READY FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR, IM GOING TO BE MISERABLE AND BURNED OUT AND I FEEL LIKE MY BEST FRIENDS DONT LIKE ME EVEN THOUGH I KNOW RATIONALLY THAT THEY DO BUT IM SCARED THAT THEIR OPINIONS OF ME ARE STARTING TO SOUR AND THAT THEYLL LEAVE ME BEHIND JUST AS EVERYONE DOES. GOD IM SO AWKWARD WITH PEOPLE NOBODY LIKES ME I CAN TELL AND I DONT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING INTERESTING OR KNOW ANGTHING ABOUT CARS AND TRUCKS LIEK EVERYONE I EXIST WITH. IM USELESS, I DONT HAVE A JOB, I DONT KNOW HOW TO MOW LAWN OR WEEDWACK OR DRIVE A TRACTOR. IM A WORTHLESS HUMAN WITH ZERO TALENT, ALL I CAN DO IS MAKE USELESS FUCKING ART AND WRITE USELESS FUCKING ESSAYS ABOUT USELESS FUCKING TOPICS. IM SO FUCKING WORTHLESS MY PARENTS SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT FROM THE START, I COULDNT EVEN EAT FUCKIGN RIGHT. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF, I HATE BEING A PICKY AND SLOW EATER ITS FUCKING EMBARRASSING I HATE BEING UNDERWEIGHT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME WEAK AND I HATE BEING WEAK BECAUSE IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE USLESS AND EMBARRASSING. I HATE MY SKINNY FUCKING WRISTS AND THE NAUSEA THAT CONSTANTLY STIRS IN MY GUT. I HATE MY STUPID FUCKING OVERBITE AND THE HERBST APPLICATION IN MY FACE TO FIX IT AND I HATE MY CURLY HAIR THAT I DKNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF PROPERLY BECAUSE IT LOOKS STUPID AND MY SWEATY ASS PALMS THAT LEAVE MARKS ON THE FUCKING TABLES ARE AWFUL I HATE IT IT MAKES ME FEEL GROSS I WISH I KNEW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC I WISH I KNEE WHAT INCOULD DONTHAT WOULD MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WOULD FUNCTION BETTER WITHOUT ME. I WANT TO BE A PART OF SOCIETY BUT I NEVER KNOW HOW TO ACT, I DONT KNOW WHEN SOMEONE CANT TOLERATE ME. PEOPLE SCARE ME TOO EASILY I WANT TO STAY IN MY ROOM WHERE NO ONE HAS TO SEE ME. I WANT TO SMASH MY HEAD AGAINT A WALL, MAYBE ITLL MAKE ME NORMAL. GOD I CANT FUCKING STAND IT ANYMORE PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION NORMALLY, HOW TO MAKNTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT, HELL, HOW TO HAVE AN APPETITE. I CONSTANTLY FEEL SICK AND RECENTLY IVE BEEN FEELING SO DETACHED FROM REALITY THAT I CAN HARDLY REGISTER ANY WORDS SPOKEN TO ME AND NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING IMPORTANT ANYWAYS LIKE HOW I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW WHERE MY FUCKING CAT GOT BURIED??? NO ONE SEEMED TO FEEL LIEK THAT WA SIMPIRTSNT ENOUGH TO TELL ME!!! IT FEELS LIKE EVERYONE EXPECTS EM TO KNOW STUFF WITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD BUT INDONT KNOW!!! I NEVER FUCKING KNOW!! I DOTN KNOW ANHTHING OTHER THAN USELESS PIECES OF TRIVIA THAT WILL NEVER BE USED ANYWHERE AT ALL. UGH I FEEL SO ILL, HUNGRY YET SICK AT THE SAME TIME. STARVING WITH NO DESIRE TO EAT. I KNOW ILL DIE, IM ALWAYS ON THE EDGE WITH DEATH, WAVING ACROSS THE STREET AT EACH OTHER. I DONT WANT TO BE SKINNY. I WANT TO EAT AND BE HEALTHY. BUT I CANT. I DONT KNOW WHY I CANT. I HAVE ACCESS TO FOOD AT ALL TIMES, THERES NOTHING STOPPING ME. I CAN HEAR MY STOMACH BUDDLE AND I CAN FEEL THE HUNGER PANGS BUT THEY DONT SEEM TO TRANSMIT TO MY BRAIN. MY MEMORY IS FAILING ME MORE AND MORE MY THE MINUTE, I CAN FEEL MYSELF

DETERIORATING. GOD IM SO SICK OF THIS THIS GAME ISNT FUN ANYMORE BUT I DONT WANT TO QUIT. ITS HARD BEING THE MEDIATOR, THE LIGHTHEARTED JOKESTER WHO DIFFUSES THE SITUATION AND REMAINS COOL AND CALM. IT FUCKING SUCKS AND I GET WALKED ALL OVER ALL THE TIME.

AND I KNOW THERES MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS WHO HAVE IT HUNDREDS OF TIMES WORSE THAN ME, BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT LIVING SUCKS. MY BRACES AND HERBST MAKE MY FACE ACHE AND MY KNEES HURT WHEN HIGH PRESSURE SYSTEMS COME IN AND IM SLOW AND DONT PROVIDE ANYTHING FOR A TEAM. MY ARMS FEEL WEAK ALL THE TIME AND MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE AN EMPTY CHAMBER WITH SOME GUNK AND COBWEBS SLOSHING AROUND. GOD IM SO TIRED. EVERY PART OF MY BODY IS TIRED, IM EXHAUSTED THROUGH TO MY BONES AND BACK.

THERES NO GOOD WAY TO CONCLUDE THIS, AND IM SORRY IF YOUVE READ THIS THROUGH(OR AT ALL).

[sillyengineerperson]

My very official notes on Found Heaven by Conan Gray (but with added context because it was initially written for my friend who understands most of the references i make)

My thoughts while listenting to found heaven at 12am bc what even is sleep?

(also i have to get up a 4 to go to France🙃)

Right here we go song uno

Found heaven:

whoa snazz

Choir

Ahhhh

Michael Jackson much?

😍😍😍😍🥰

I LOVE THIS

OHMIGOD AHHHHHHH

THIS IS SO SNAZZY

ITS STRANGELY BIBLICAL

What???

I don't think its going to be my favourite but still slayyhth- edit: its so much better than I initially thought

Song dos

Never ending song:

we already know I love this (Context: yes i was dancing around in my kitchen to this when i was suposed to be revising for GCSEs)

Yaaaasdd vibes

I feel like it's GCSES AGAIN🥲(Context: this song came out in the first week of GCSEs so i listened to it a lot when i was revising and also the bus back home after an exam)

NOSTALGIA BUT WEIRD AND WITH TUNA MELTS (thats what I had for lunch most days during exams) (Context: I have very oddly specific feelings and vibes acociated with that period of my life)

Ooooooooonnnnnnn

Slay cone

Song tres

Fainted love:

Je suis scared

Its either going to be a yas queen slay or break me

ohhhbh

Me encanta

LOVE IT

SLaaaayyyyyyyy

Play it on toouurrr I beg

This is sooooooo good

Yes king I love you

After listening to this about a billion times more this song is absolutely EVERYTHING AHHHHHHHHHH

Song cuatro

Lonely dancers:

we know this is not my cup of tea (Context: im so sorry to everyone but I just don't like it that much. its still vibes though :) )

But the vibes are still there

So mini silent dance party in my room

🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🪩🪩🪩🕺🕺🕺🪩🪩🪩

Song cinco

Alley rose:

THIS SONG IS EVERYTHING

TIME TO CRY

AHHHHH❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹💔💔💔

DONT LEAV ME HANGING ALONE AGAAINNNN

du du du du du on the piano

DOTN EEEEVEN CAREEEEE

😭😭😭

so

yes

beautiful

i love

Song seis

The final fight:

intrigued

I don't know

Hmmmmmm I'm worried

Oh silence

Is it supposed to be completely silent???

No its not something went wrong with my spotify 😂

I really sat there for a whole minute and a half waiting for something to happen

Right anyway

Oooooo drums

GUITAR

BASS

YES CONE

PREACH

NO DONT CRY

ME TOO

it's giving early 2000's movie montage scene where the main character has a huge revalation

He had his moment🙌

AHHH IT REMINDS ME OF THAT SONG FROM ZOMBIES 2 OR HSM 2 WHEN GABRIELLA LEAVES (Context: so in zombies the main characters have a song where its sort of a breakup song but also a thing where they're expressing how they don't feel like they fit in -which is a whole thing that I could rant about bc she literally thinks shes special for having white hair and obviously she's so oppressed because of that and then obviously the zombies have it so much easier even though there are literally laws that are in place to controll them even though they're completely safe and very human like now. I should not get this worked up over a disney channel movie- the song is called Gotta find where I belong. and then in HSM 2 I'm just refering to when Gabriella quits the country club and breaks up with troy)

Song siete

Miss you:

this better be absolutly heart wrenching

ooooooooo

Wut

Slay

He's a king

YES YES YES

his vocals are amazing

That was a straight vibe (edit from later: not straight like heterosexual. I mean it's jsut very vibey)

I'm still waiting for the saddest song of all time but he's killing it so far

Song ocho

Bourgeoisieses:

there's a whole process to typing that

um HELLO

OH MY GOODNESS

Music video when?

Kinda basic song structure (I have no idea what I meant by this) but it's soooooo good

play this on tour it's yes

Song nueve

Forever with me:

please be sad

please be sad

please be sad

don't ask why i want it to be sad

i don't know

YES

PIANO

I HAVE HIGH HOPES

YES YES YES

OHHHHHHHH

CONAN

NOT THE MAGIC SOUND

DONT BE SORRY

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

OOOH HIGH NOTES

KEY CHANGE

AHHHHHHH

Kinda evil cone?

And whats with the wind sound?

Song diez

Eye of the night:

if it's not witchy eye of the tigeri'm sueing

that's all ive been expecting since i saw the name

whoa!!!

Bro am i wrong with my prediction though??!!😂

This is a vibe

It really is witchy eye of the tiger

🪩🪩🪩

🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺

GIUTARRRRRRR

AHHHH THE KEY CHANGE

HES ON ANOTHER LEVEL

literally 😏

Song once

Boys & girls:

bi anthem!??

maybe

Oh

yes

hello

Vibes

Yeah cone you're wrong they dont

Very vibes

Yeah no same

Okayyyyy

The vibes are there

substance maybe less (I really don't know what I thought I was hearing but my opionion has changed)

Loved it though

Song doce

Killing me:

I LOVERRR THIS SONGGGGG

I

ITS 2 AM

NO WE HAVENT

YES YOU DO

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOURE KULLIBG ME

FREEREEE MEEEEEEE

YOURR UCH A GOI ACTOR

GO AWAY

OHHHHHHHHBHB

KILLING

LUCKY YOU ARRRRRAAREEEE

BU BU BU BU BU BU BU BU

BU BU BU BU BU BU

YOUR KILLING ME

OH I WANNA DIE

BUT YOU KEEP ME ALIVE

HUH

song trece

Winner:

final slay

This song is everything (I'm only just realising how many times i've said that)

AT MAKING ME FEEL WORSE

WINNNNEEEERRRRR

PEW PEW

WINEEEEEEEEERRRERERERRRR

SLAY PIANO

YOUR THE ONE WHOLE KET IT GET THIS BAAAAAD

YOUR CHAOS

WHHHHKKKKKOOOAAAJJAJHA

NIW YOU REALLY ARE THE WIIUUINNERRRRR

Laaaaaa laaa la la lalala laaaaa la

ahhhhhhh je suis deceased

Conan slay has slayed once again to slayingly produce another very very slay album

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

I think right now my favourite of the new songs is fainted love

but yes

i need sleep bc i'm getting up in 3 hours

it's 1:17

ahhhhhhhh

okay

i need sleep

bye bye

🕺🕺

so that was it

my opinions have probably changed slightly but ahhhhhh this album is so good and i definitly have some more things to say about the songs that I've noticed but thats enough for now because I have a maths test to revise for

[barbiegirldream]

dotn remind me of primeboys 9/11 😭 it's still so fucking crazy to me that the main public thing was that "joke". based on dreams attitude it didn't sound like anything happened between them before that so Tommy mocking dream and then not even Trying to rectify it when he saw the reaction to it, 💀. I wanna know what made him go that delulu so bad, especially after being dreams nmbr 1 fan for so long

no because the prime boys posts I have hundreds and Tommy was a little psycho about Dream and I suppose it's like all drexiters. That type of emotion can always flip negative. vs say Q who I always figure didn't like Dream he was able to super easy take a step back it wasn't emotional for him practical business