#i dont work with values i work with negative spaces and What Is Not Included

[psalmsofpsychosis]

I'm actually a super duper predictable and consistent person if you look at me from the right angle: basically my whole drive in life is to explore and discover things and people that noone else dares to explore, i live to bring in whatever is excluded and overlooked and kept off the table. Like, my whole entire head is so oriented towards inclusion that i'm always focused on what is [intentionally or unintentionally] left outside the door of a situation and i'll bring it in. I really have no interest in what is already integrated into a context and accounted for, well worn roads and well practised performances bore me to death. So like, the most consistent thing about me is however a scenario is and whatever way the people are behaving, i'm on the opposite side of it, often introducing supposed "conflict" by being a devil's advocate and a contrarian. What is already known and accepted cannot be really explored, it's already overdone, so i'm going down the road everyone drives past and avoids. Attending a funeral? you're gonna find me joking and laughing, not because i necessarily feel happy, but because it's a question noone asks and i love to explore, "are we accounting for the joys of humanity too?" and if there's a flood of performative positivity i'm gonna bring in gloom, it's almost an involuntary reflex. I need all contexts to be complex and inclusive, so i naturally work in the opposite team. It doesn't really mean that i'm with the team, it just means that i need the context to be diverse. I have zero appreciation for any kind homogenised, streamlined and scripted kind of existence.

Where this puts me in regards to parties is, ho boy i'm fun at parties, almost always guaranteed to be dragged into a fight that i did not intend to be in. But also it feels very, very lonely. 98.99% of people have no appreciation for discovery and exploring the mysteries of the world, and even if they eventually end up loving what you brought to the table, they dont love you for introducing something new and unfamiliar into their life, they find it threatening and uncomfortable.

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

[crylockchaos]

No, Tellexx; I Will Not Simply Follow Along: Part One of a Reading of Razzmatazz’s Story

Razzmatazz stands out for many reasons.  Since the band takes the “concept album” to a new level by creating a “concept band” through lore Razzmatazz stands out, in my opinion, because of the compromised role between writers and readers. There are many ways to look and interpret the story behind the songs, if readers choose to see the songs as telling a story.  I’m going to share my own interpretation.  This “reading” is influenced by “The Death of the Author” by Roland Barthes, and “Interpreting the Variorum” by Stanley Fish.  I find that the album critiques ideas of Marxist theory and mocks the industry that fuels modern music as seen by the nods to Theodor Adorno, Max Horkheimer, and Walter Benjamin; but relies on the reader to create the story more than the use of satire.  The album cannot work because the text “disappears” (Fish 485) without reader interaction.  Weekes and Seaman cannot fully control how readers “read” their work, which I think is something they encourage through the ambiguous nature of the text. Through reoccurring symbols in the songs and videos the story unfolds in subtle ways, encouraging the listeners to not simply follow along, but to engage with the lore to understand what is happening to the narrator.  I will go through, in order of each piece, enabling the “birth of the reader” (Barthes 521) to tell the story in the way I interpret it.

The story begins with “Leave Me Alone”.  The characters, Dallon and Ryan enter the corporation in 2020 based on the use of masks and safety precautions taken for the real events taking place.  The “volunteer pairing” (“Indoctrination” iDKHOW) takes their first step in working for the corporation Tellexx.  Ryan is clear in his resistance towards the means and ideas of the company, hence why he is wearing a mask more often.  To prevent rebellion, Tellexx separates Ryan from Dallon using isolation boxes and masks him to force him into compliance.  They do this with Dallon too, but to a lesser extent because if Tellexx wishes to spread its influence Dallon needs to use his voice.  Ryan’s rebellion is stifled easier because of his role as percussion by wearing a mask, but that does not mean he is powerless.  He strongly opposes Tellexx’s ideas to the point where the company views him as a threat, so they attempt to stop him from communicating through isolation and forced muting with a mask.  But it doesn’t stop him.  His lack of face expressions and movement within each video show his rebellion.  What at first comes off as unusual and perhaps humorous allows Ryan to hold the role of a Byronic Hero.  His rebellion comes through his intelligence and outward appearance.  Instead of parading around playing a role, Ryan goes against Tellexx’s wishes and simply does not do anything.  Tellexx views him as a direct threat and minimizes his role strictly to percussion, but that does not stop him, which I will return to later.

Dallon is much more subtle with his pressure, but the Tellex workers suspect rebellion based on lines such as “the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don’t” (Weekes 2020) or “mad as a hatter with a dagger and a dollar sign” (Weekes 2020), where Dallon exposes the knowledge that Tellexx will dispose of them if they no longer create profit.  As I have mentioned in the past, there are two voices within Dallon; which makes this song the origin of the split between the Warner (the side working against Tellexx) and the Threatener (the side working for Tellexx).  The Warner’s voice in “Leave Me Alone” is Dallon’s rebellion through his knowledge of the sinister means.  Both Dallon and Ryan do not trust Tellexx’s values and know that the corporation wishes to spread its influence in music through time and space for more capital in the created industry.  Yet there’s a split created by Tellexx during the experimentation in the video.  Dallon changes from animated and active while singing to still and threatening when he says “go fly a kit until you’re tangled in the hang tree” (Weekes 2020).  This change is the initial incident that sparks the main conflict in this reading: man versus self- Warner versus Threatener, Dallon’s good versus Dallon’s bad. Tellexx controls a part of Dallon, allowing him to freely sing and move around without being attached to anything. “Leave Me Alone” in the story proves to Tellexx that the pairing is suitable under these conditions, and they are sent into time, meanwhile Dallon’s internal conflict grows.  

“Indoctrination” is a flashback.  This piece serves the purpose to enlighten the audience of Tellexx’s means and plan, while also revealing exactly what Dallon and Ryan are resisting.  Calling the section indoctrination reveals the malicious side of Tellexx as we hear the literal brainwashing the corporation uses on the “volunteer pairing” (iDKHOW 2020).  This aspect of the piece gives listeners insight to what Dallon and Ryan have faced regarding thought reform and Tellexx’s corporate agenda.  This part of the text reveals the side of Tellexx that listeners are suspicious of, confirming it as the antagonist against I Dont [sic.] Know How But They Found Me.  By having the piece say that the pairing and Tellex will “work together to decode and / exploit the secrets of time and space for our benefit” (iDKHOW), it uses negative connotation to create rebellion through the verb “exploit”. Listeners side with Warner Dallon and Silent Ryan because we understand that Tellexx seeks the secrets of time for selfish matters: to spread their influence and create an industry that they control.  It works alongside “Leave Me Alone” to initiate the two major conflicts: the internal conflict within Dallon, and the band versus the corporation.  Through this, White Shadow character and the Threatener have clear origins.  Both were created to “be sure that the company’s interests maintain the highest priority” (iDKHOW).  This includes the White Shadow following Dallon and Ryan to prevent rebellion and acting in a way that places pressure against Mechanical Reproduction and the industry, and the Threatener acting as a character of Thought Reform within Dallon who is trying to eliminate the Warner’s awareness.  This allows White Shadow to serve as a metaphorical reminder of failures of the past and would allow the Threatener to coax Dallon into serving Tellexx’s needs.  Since Threatener is made by Tellexx, this side of Dallon uses an underlying fear to control Dallon and force him to continue working for the corporation.

Warner can see Tellexx’s malevolent goals.  This side of Dallon, the narrator, uses his voice to create awareness of his opposition and to alert listeners, making “Mad IQs” an internal monologue.  The song is Warner’s rebellion since Dallon is free to sing without a mask on, using voice to reveal the malicious intent behind the corporation’s goal to exploit time and space for capital.  This aspect of the narrator exposes Tellexx as a toxic corporation that is taking over Dallon’s mind and being, hinting that this side of him is aware of Threatener’s presence.  Through themes of controlling entity and voluntary ignorance, Warner is admitting that Dallon is losing himself inside the corporation by working for them.  The brainwashing from the memories associated with “Indoctrination” has allowed Dallon to become the “voluntary victim” (Weekes 2020) and give up his sense of right and wrong, and his own identity, making him view himself as a being of Tellexx.  The song alerts listeners that voluntary ignorance has led Dallon into a trap, one that he cannot escape.  Warner attempts to alert listeners of the situation, hinting at ideas of Mechanical Reproduction with “replace you with machines” (Weekes 2020) and “paralyzed by the sum of your parts” (Weekes 2020) to hint that Dallon’s entity is controlled, making both Warner and Threatener’s voices compromised and unreliable; which would explain why Dallon is constantly moving around and is energetic during the video performances, because Threatener is telling him to do so for the benefit of the corporation.

This would explain Dallon’s disappointment at the end of “Nobody Likes the Opening Band”.  This piece is the band’s first attempt at spreading influence and it’s a failure.  The piece acknowledges how the band is only starting in the industry.  By saying “chances are they won’t go far / career is sure to end” (Weekes 2020) the piece reveals that the industry discourages artists with different thoughts.  Tellexx scorns those who go against their ideas, and make sure that industry develops in a way that benefits only one way of thinking, making Warner appear in the wrong as he tries to assist Dallon in making original music.  White Shadow’s disapproval at the end of the video reveals that Dallon has failed to act and perform in a way that benefits the company, pushing his fear into reality.  This enables Threatener to take control and hide Warner, further placing Dallon’s entity in the hands of the corporation and forcing him to lose himself just to be successful.  This fear and idea of failure pushes Dallon to go to 1964 to begin spreading the band’s influence in “Do It All the Time” and then “Social Climb” in 1977, in which both are successful in spreading Tellexx’s ideas and values.  However, this song’s video does more than highlight Dallon’s fall; it also reveals more of Ryan’s rebellion.  By stepping away from the stage to scorn Dallon, Ryan further separates himself from Tellexx.  His actions and moody facial expressions highlight his silent rebellion, one that Tellexx cannot fully control.  If he’s not doing anything technically wrong, they cannot punish him despite their indoctrination strategies.  He is watching what Tellexx is doing to Dallon and resists their attempts to control him by staying silent and using minimal actions.  Doing this gives Ryan power over his entity and self, revealing to readers that his actions are reliable.  

Ryan uses his autonomy in “New Invention” to drag Dallon out of Tellexx’s control and diminishes the grasp Threatener has on him.  He takes Dallon to where Tellexx first created the split to return his entity to him.  The video and song start off with the idea of a devil on the shoulder, which implies The Warner’s awareness of his own instability. He knows that Tellexx is still controlling him to a degree, and how this had created a split.  The Warner knows that The Threatener is attacking him and is desperate to make listeners aware of what happened after “Leave Me Alone”. ��You’ve got the devil on your shoulder” (Weekes 2020) implies the light/dark contrast that reoccurs in the other songs. The following line is directly from The Threatener because of the sudden shift: “you better shut your mouth just like I told ya” [sic.] (Weekes 2020).  The Threatener uses it as a threat, implying that unless The Warner is quiet, he will intervene and take full control. The overlapping vocals at the end of this song would show the full conflict between the two sides.  The Warner is having “bad dreams” (Weekes 2020) and can’t get away from the Threatener, even when asleep; meanwhile the Threatener is saying that Dallon is an invention created by Tellexx.  Ryan’s attempt to restore Dallon’s mindset highlights the unreliable nature of Dallon’s character because of the indoctrination and experimentation from the past.  With his identity compromised, Ryan knows that he is the only person who can push the conflict and create resistance.  He resets Dallon not only to return his autonomy and identity, but also to give listeners a reliable narrator since he is still limited by Tellexx.  Ryan cannot use his voice, but his actions speak for him throughout the video and song.  Through Ryan’s actions, Tellexx’s control over Dallon is minimalized, yet the Warner and Threatener are still in conflict.

 I’ll continue this as I can.  School is about to restart for me.

[babysizedfics]

i dislike mondays. ugh. but because monday is piano day i wanna know do any of the sides play an instrument?? & how did they react when virgil showed up, how long did it take for them to become comfortable? -🌙

i cant think of the instruments atm hshshhs i dont wanna mix concepts

how the light sides reacted when virgil showed up and how they decided virgil could move in permanently

TWs: angst (hurt/comfort style), anxiety attack mentioned, mention of abuse (in mentioning that this is NOT abuse)

virgil arrived trembling very late on an autumn night

logan was already asleep and roman was in his room doing something, only patton heard the gentle tentative knock on their front door

when he pulled the door open, he saw what looked like a child with a large backpack hurrying away from the door, so he called out "excuse me? Did you knock?" and it isnt until the person freezes and turns around that patton realises it's virgil - one of the sides he hasnt actually seen in YEARS

virgil hugs himself tightly, scratching harshly at his hoodie sleeves, mouth opening and closing wordlessly, not able to speak to someone so unfamiliar

patton can see tear tracks on his cheeks

"hey, kiddo, do you wanna come inside?" patton asks very gently, holding the door open as wide as it will go and taking a step back to give virgil space

it takes a good few moments of virgils eyes darting between the door and pattons shoulder and the sidewalk behind him and his feet but eventually he tiptoes up to the house and hesitates a moment before stepping into the warmth

as he passes by patton is reminded of how young virgil is compared to all of them, he's so small, just above five foot patton reckons, with lanky legs and the slightest baby fat on his cheeks still - he's only 16 if patton remembers correctly. last time he saw virgil was when he was 10.

he's different sure, his hair is no longer white but dyed a dull black, hes taller and clearly wearing makeup - and either he lost his freckles or he owns very thick foundation - but patton recognises the tentative tiptoe walk and the way he looks at the ground and hugs himself. he's still the same vulnerable child patton wished he could have seen more of all those years ago were it not for janus distancing the dark sides from them all

virgil is shaking like a leaf and still hasnt spoken (patton has never heard him speak besides whispered one or two words phrases to janus when they used to all attend meetings together) but patton guides him through to the kitchen quietly and makes him some chamomile tea which he knows is meant to be good for anxiety

he doesnt get much of an idea of why virgil is there since he still hasnt spoken a word - patton doesnt know at this point that virgil is autistic or selectively mute - but he knows that there must be a reason that paranoia felt the safest place to be was a totally new environement. something must have happened at home

he doesnt actually ask virgil what happened, knowing if he wanted to say he would, and simply tells him that he is safe and nothing will hurt him here. its late, if he would like patton can drive him back ((virgil instantly goes wide eyed and teary and shakes his head and breathes faster - patton holds his hand up and gently continues)) but if not then he can stay the night and they can talk in the morning

theres no negative response to that so once virgil has finished with his tea (only drinking about a third of it) patton shows him to the spare room, points out where the bathroom is, and gets him settled

((continues below cut))

it isnt until the next morning at breakfast that patton informs logan and roman what happened and that virgil is still in the room upstairs. roman is completely offended that it happened without any prior warning, that an intruder snuck under his nose, and logan is merely shocked and curious as to what happened.

i wont develop on that first day much more at the moment - but essentially the sides can only be outside of their own abode for 7 days (rounded up to midnight on the last day). if they are in the OTHER house (subconscious or conscious) by the time that week is up, their function will adjust and be reassigned to that part of the mind

virgil stays for six days - after the second day he was comfortable enough around patton to speak to him if they were on their own, but not at length. mostly whispering and never more than a sentence at a time. he told patton that he had a fight with janus and that he didnt want to be in that house anymore but he didnt share any details.

patton didnt feel he NEEDED details. if virgil felt uncomfortable in that house he didnt see why virgil should be made to stay there.

roman refused to speak to virgil the entire time he stayed there

on the seventh day of virgil staying with them, logan tried to speak to him in the morning, explaining that he must go back to the other house before midnight, thats just how its meant to be. it triggered virgil to have an anxiety attack right there in the living room and logan very bewildered helped him get through it.

patton took virgil back up to the spare room and reassured him that if virgil didnt want to do something he didnt have to - that included living with the others. virgil whispered that this is how things are meant to be - repeating logans words - and patton was internally furious. he told virgil he would soeak to the other two

that evening in the last couple of hours before virgil is due to either go back or be destined to stay with them forever, patton has logan and roman sat in the kitchen and refuses to give up his case

i wrote this dialogue a few months ago but this is where it begins:

P: He's just a child!

R: He's hardly an innocent little lamb, Pat

P: Don't you two remember being 16? Roman when you were that young you were still in school, you still had braces

R, blushing: No need to reminsce...

P: Logan when you were sixteen he hadn't even been created yet, not for another year. You were still figuring out how the mindscape worked!

L: I... was it really so long ago?

P: And when I was sixteen Roman and-- they were still-- *sigh* We were all just children. We were confused and scared but at least we knew where we belonged.

L, gently: Patton. He belongs in the subconscious with the others

P: You're both ignoring the fact that the must be a reason why he doesn't want to be there anymore. Why he doesn't want to be with them

R, angry and ready to fight: Are you suggesting they abused him??

P: No!! No, he said thats not it--

L: The mindscape would have alerted us in some way. And we are all essentially facets of Thomas; even if we all behave differently and hold different values, it is not in any of our natures to be maliciously cruel.

R: then what did patton mean?

P: I mean you know what the others are like. How they behave, how they live. Virgil has been with us for six days now and I can't be the only one who's noticed how different he is from the rest of them. He's quiet and cautious and gentle. He's frightened

L: Janus and Remus are not above feeling fear

P: I know but... He obviously doesn't feel safe with them. He doesn't fit in there

R: Well he doesn't fit in here either!! We've already got our dynamic all worked out - The brains, the brawn, and the beauty! A fourth doesnt fit into that!

P: well then we'll adapt so he does fit in

R scoffs and storms toward the closed kitchen door

P: Roman, please--

R opens the door and everyone freezes to see Virgil stumble back from it, clearly having been listening to their conversation

P: Oh kiddo... We were just--

R, bitter: Eavesdropping, huh?

V remains silent and glares at romans feet, hugging himself tightly

R: see, paranoia can't even look me in the eyes! He's obviously up to--

V: virgil

R, shocked because its the first time he has heard V speak and its quiet: what?

V: n-not paranoia. virgil.

everyone is silent and V immediately regrets speaking. he turns and hurries back up to the spare room

L looks from where V ran away, back at P's dejected look, and nods to himself, taking a deep breath

R sees this and instantly knows what it means - Logan has made his mind up. and what he says goes

R, sarcastic: great

R storms out and runs up to his room, slamming the door hard enough for P and L to feel it rumble from downstairs

After a moment P starts to stand up to go check on R and V. Then L's hand stops him

L: He can stay

P looks at L, eyes full to the brim with tears, looking so so hopeful and relieved. he sinks back to his chair and takes L's hand tightly

P: really?!

L nods and pulls his hand from P's hold: Really. If the mindscape thought it necessary to Thomas' psyche it could have prevented Virgil from even finding his way here. But it didn't

P wipes at his eyes and smiles wobbily

L: And we do have a spare bedroom. Which honestly always baffled me, I didn't request it of the mindscape... I daresay this may be the exact reason we were equipped with a four-bedroom house

P gasps: You mean this was destiny??

L: That is a highly emotionally charged way of putting it. But yes quite possibly

P sniffles and instantly pulls Logan into a tight hug. L very awkwardly returns it, then pulls back

P: Logan thank you so SO much, you have no idea--

L: I have one condition though

P instantly nods and looks at L very intently with a big smile

L, hesitating: You need to inform Janus before midnight

P's smile drops. his eyes drift to the digital clock on the oven - 23:34

L: At exactly midnight the change will be made permanent. While this was within Virgil's right to have a say in the matter, Janus is still his legal guardian. He--

P: he deserves to know...

L, sympathetic: I can handle telling Roman and--

P, desperate: I want to tell Virgil!

L, smiling softly: as you wish

...

23:42

P holds the telephone to his ear and dials janus' number. It only rings once

J: Hello? Virgil??

P: It- It's Patton.

J: Is virgil still there??

P: yes he-

J: For goodness sake Patton, do you have any idea what day it is, what time it is!! He was only supposed to stay a few nights!

P: I--

J: are you dropping him off? Do I need to pick him up?? I'll get in the car right now

P: Janus, I'm sorry he-

J: is he hurt?!

P: No! No he's not hurt

J: Then why the hell isn't he back yet! You know we don't have much longer!!

P: Janus-

J: I swear to GOD if anythinf has happened to him-

P: he isnt coming back

J: ... what?

P: Virgil, um... He's staying here. For good

J:

P: Janus, I--

*janus hangs up*

Patton stays frozen, hand over his mouth and eyes burning with unshed tears. he slowly lowers the phone back to the table, then sees movement in the corner of his eye. he gasps and quickly looks up.

virgil is standing just around the corner and jumps at pattons reaction, clearly highly strung. patton smiles reassuringly despite the tears in his eyes. "hey kiddo. sorry if i scared you"

virgil shrugs a little stiffly. it makes his backpack fall down his arm - and patton realises virgil has packed all his things in his bag again

"um.. do i- do i need to walk?" virgil asks, shaky and small

patton bites his lip and very slowly and carefully approaches virgil, stopping when virgil took a step back

"do you want to go back?" patton asks sincerely

virgil shakes his head immediately, strongly

patton nods to himself, but still prompts "are you completely sure?"

virgil slumps a little, voice even quieter. "i-i can go if you want"

"no" patton quickly says "no kiddo, i didnt mean that at all. youre allowed to stay if you want to"

virgil actually meets pattons eyes for the first time in his life - only for a second, but it blows patton away a little - "really??"

patton smiles sadly. "really really" then he turns serious. this is a serious matter after all. "but its permanent, okay? and if you change your mind or not thats completely fine but you have to do it in the next-" he checks his phone "-7 minutes so that I have enough time to drive you back"

virgil blinks hard and takes a big measured breath at that. he even sways a little and patton holds his arms out - not touching virgil but offering him something to hold if he needs to

virgil tentatively holds onto the sleeve of pattons fleece. "can, um... am i allowed to sit down?"

"of course, kiddo, come on" and patton leads him to the living room

they sit on the couch, just a couple of feet between them. by virgils doing - pat sat down first and let virgil sit wherever he pleased. when virgil didnt take the seat furthest and instead sat right next to pstton, the older side knew virgil must need comfort

and for the next few minutes virgil just sat and breathed a little too shallow and fast and looked at his phone every moment to check the time. it was the longest few minutes of either of their lives, sitting in silence and waiting for virgil to make up his mind

at least thats what patton thought, until he saw the time reading 23:58

it was well past the time they had to leave if they could get virgil back in time. virgil wasnt making up his mind - he was counting down the seconds until he was officially free from the subconscious

and then the clock hits midnight and virgil goes deadly tense and still, as if he's waiting for his phone to blow up in his face or something. neither of them moves or speaks, its been silent for minutes but this is deafening

but after a minute or two with no exploding phone or whatever else virgil expected, he breathes a big shaky sigh. he looks hesitantly up at patton, eyes falling just to the right of his head to avoid eye contact "is-is that it?"

patton nods slowly, a little stunned himself. "i guess so. do you feel any different?"

virgil blinks and frowns. then whispers "i'm... anxiety."

"you feel anxious?"

virgil picks at a loos thread on his ripped jeans. "y-yeah but... but my function"

"oh!" patton gasps, not knowing what else to say. he goes for reassurance. "well that's okay. whatever you are, you're still virgil."

"i... do i live here now?" virgil whispers, and the hope and relief in his voice is just too much for patton not to smile

"you live here now" he assures, feeling his heart swell when he sees the tiniest hint of a smile pull at virgils lips - the first sign of joy he's shown since being there

"can i please hug you virgil?" he asks

virgil hesitates, ducking his head a little, but then he nods very subtly.

patton carefully scooches closer on the couch and hunches down to wrap his arms around virgil firmly but softly. virgil is tense in his hold, so patton only hugs him for a brief moment before pulling away and smiling down at him

"welcome home kiddo" he whispers

...

so as you can see patton clearly warms up to virgil quickly - it doesnt take logan much longer though virgil is intimidated by him at first and they dont get very close for at least a year. roman hardly speaks to virgil for weeks, and beyond that their interactions are limited to arguments and insults for at least two years. it isnt until virgils third year living there when he helps roman realise he has undiagnosed adhd that they start to get along more, albeit reluctantly at first

i do know a lot more about this time period in the au (and some of it is written) so if you have more questions pls do ask!

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[sanstropfremir]

I absolutely LOVED reading your kingdom review. You gave me such an insight in things I never even considered, especially since our rankings are so different from each other. The Boyz was my favorite, the narrative was about RTK. How they felt bad for having to compete against their friends but eventually the groups only lifted each other up and it helped TBZ grow into the group they are now through the hardships and mental dilemma, falling into the next challenge right after they reached the top. It should have been more obvious though, I agree, it wasn't really visible for anyone who didn't know. I was wondering how you felt about the dancing in general? my reason for not ranking BTOB high was lack of choreo (and Peniel's verse), same goes for SF9. Mostly because I don't feel the hype when watching, it doesn't keep my focus on the stage. As a baby-performer myself, my goal is to make the viewer curious about what's next. is that the wrong way to look at it? that's what I've always been told, building the tension up and down to create focus. would love to hear your feedback on that! thank you so much for sharing, we need more reviews of people who actually know what they're talking about.

i'm glad that you got some insight from it! like i answered in the previous ask im here to hopefully bring some more depth and understanding for people that care and are curious!

you unintentionally proved my point about tbz’s performance: that is way too complicated! even the most talented solo dancers i can think of would have trouble distilling that down to something readable in 100 seconds, much less a group of like, a dozen people! the introductory stages are meant to show us the character of the group and their abilities in the most concise way possible, it's not the stage to do deep philosophical and emotional introspection. for a full stage? absolutely, go hog wild! but for this stage it was too ambitious and ultimately was ineffective to anyone that isn't a fan of them specifically. 

by dancing in general do you mean like, every group? i put most of my opinions on the dancing where i had them in each of the individual rankings but honestly? unless there is something that really stands out positively or negatively, a lot of ‘average’ kpop dance looks the same to me. i know it’s not, obviously, and if pressed i probably could do a more serious breakdown, but dance is only one element of performance. it has equal weight with all the others in my mind, and therefore i notice when it is either 

very good

does something unique

very bad, or

interferes with another element

which is the same as how i evaluate every element, if that makes sense. 

hmmmm. i thought about this a lot in the shower and turns out i had more opinions that i expected so i'll put them under a cut.

firstly, i don't think lack of choreo should be penalized or considered an ‘incomplete’ performance. at the end of the day, these are bands, and a part of their brand/product they sell is the music. complex choreo does not need to be attached to that to make it a successful performance. also, btob did have choreo. any movement on stage is technically choreography. but this terminology can cause confusion so usually non-dance choreo is referred to as ‘blocking.’ but they also did include the song’s original point choreo at 1.41. the blocking in their performance was well thought out and suited the arrangement, by placing spatial emphasis on each part of the song that needed it. obviously it comes down to personal taste if the performance is ultimately ‘successful,’ because all art is subjective, but just because something isn't as visually complex as something else doesn’t mean it doesn't have the same level of thought. think of it like this: one is a super clean-lined post-post-modern grey/white living room, and the other is a kitsch goth basement. both share interior design principles and have obvious care put into the space, but they are vastly different styles that appeal to different tastes.

part of the job of production designer/AD is to decide what gets emphasis. a question you're always asking yourself is ‘is this important to the story that we’re trying to tell?’ and btob/their AD made a very smart choice with their introductory stage because it says a lot about them and their abilities in a short amount of time. that stage said ‘our foundation is strong, we have the training and experience and confidence to be up here and not rely on visual tricks.’ because they know they physically cannot do the things the 4th gen groups can; they're a decade older and they only have four members, it's just not feasible. something you learn with experience is the power that specific and pointed emphasis holds, which segues into my answer to your last question. i don't necessarily think that ‘building hype’ is the wrong way to perform something, but i do think it is a flawed way to approach creating a performance.

i think that ‘hype’ is flawed concept at its core, and one that focuses on the idea that there’s always being something more, something next, beyond the work itself. now there’s nothing wrong with playing with tension within the internal structure of a piece, that's exactly how constructing a narrative happens. however, the flaws come once we extrapolate beyond the boundaries of that individual work. the idea of ‘whats next’ implies that you have to constantly be promoting, have a sequel coming, building hype etc so people will keep engaged with your work. which is deeply capitalistic in nature and operates on the assumption that art exists purely as a product to be sold. and in order to keep selling you need to keep making a bigger and better and more spectacular product. and this is not the case at all. marketability is not the essence of art, it merely a factor of creating it under this insufferable system. kpop in particular suffers from this because the industry is specifically fabricated to produce capitol. we can have discussions all day about idols and their artistic integrity but at the end of that day, they are all cogs working with a system that was specifically made up by essentially one person to be culturally exported and to just print buckets of money. so in following that train of thought, there is a constant attitude of bigger and better because shock value (whether positive or negative) gets social media attention and therefore it sells. and it has become exponentially easier (and also seemingly required) to make things that are bigger and better than ever before. i remember being blown away by the projection floor at the sochi 2014 olympics because something of that scale and complexity would never have been possible without literally having the funding of the olympics. now that technology is easily accessible to anyone with an amazon account and the time to learn how isadora works. in comparison, it took 2400 YEARS for just the job of a ‘theatre designer’ to be even become a job at all.

because of kpop’s fan culture it is especially prone to ‘hype’ behaviour. in general with the accessibility of the internet and social media, everything has turned into a competition, and who can generate the most buzz ‘wins’. but ultimately that has taken away the general public’s ability to recognize that you can enjoy something quietly and you can enjoy something slowly. that the enjoyment of something doesn’t need to be all exclamation marks and keysmashes and trending hashtags on twitter. there is value in a work engaging in an emotion within you that is not just excitement. most of the artists and companies that i consume the work of i don’t do so because their work makes me excited, i do so because i liked the experience of engaging with that work. several years ago i saw the eternal tides by legend lin dance theatre, which you can watch a really short clip of here. that is not slow motion, that is actually how slow the dancers are moving. and 90% of the show is performed like that. and its two hours long. and it was one of the most incredible performances i've ever seen. if i ever get the chance I will go see another one of their shows again, not because i care about how they can top that experience i had, but because i know they can produce that experience, and that is enough to make me want to seek them out again. the speed of the internet has also loosened the general public’s understanding of just exactly how long creating a performance work can take. the lead dancer in the eternal tides was with the company for eight years before she and the piece were ready enough to be performed. large scale operas, musicals, and plays often have a year or more of pre-production before they even get to rehearsal. smaller theatre companies workshop new pieces for years at a time. performance is hard and it takes time. you can eliminate some of that with sheer amounts of money and people, which is what the kpop industry has done, but it speeds up the cycle of consumption to a degree that is not sustainable, especially for companies and creators who do not have that kind of access. performers and performance makers often don't put enough trust in their audiences. if they like what they see, they will come back. they dont need to be constantly bombarded with content at all times.

now that i’ve said a bit about why i think hype is a flawed concept, let's bring it back to kingdom. sf9 did something very interesting with their stage in that they actively chose to limit their dance time. and this plays very well off the performance film stage that taeyang did a couple of weeks ago. taeyang is talented and confident (for good reason), and his solo was incredible. but when it came to the intro stage, instead of trying to one-up the solo stage, the group instead said ‘well people are going to be looking at us because taeyang is insanely talented, so let's show them that we ALL have the confidence and the attitude to be up here.’ no need for flashy theatrics, they had the foresight to do something that would make them stand out from the rest of the groups. even if i was just casually watching the stages without doing any analysis on them (like i did for rtk), i would still be able to distinguish them because they had the stones to stand around for half their stage time. now i recognize them and would like to see what else they can do. same principle as what btob and also what ikon did. there is a fine line between anticipation and hype that gets equated in media consumption nowadays, but the two are not the same.

i think the tldr on this is that you dont need to ‘build hype’ or ‘go all out’ to make an interesting work. just focus on telling the narrative that you want to tell, and the people that recognize that will come. i could have a lot more things to say about peoples shrinking attention spans and the constant stream of information that we consume on a daily basis that devalues the labour done by artists in the eyes of the public and promotes hustle culture that is burning out and damaging creators at a rate that is both exponential and frightening, but that’s probably for another time, because this is SO LONG

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[star-and-the-motherverse]

Chapter 3 - Earth and the Lost Soul

The Butterfly Who Lost Her Wings

Word Count: 3981 | AO3 Mirror | Previous | Next

Summary: Marco returns to Earth and sets out to right a wrong.

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* ☾ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

A rift in space opened up in the Diaz family’s living room. Marco emerged from it a second later, dimensional scissors in hand. He was exactly where he had intended to land, in the middle of his living room. But only when the portal had disappeared did he realize that he hadn’t fully thought that decision through.

His mother, Angie, immediately noticed his arrival from her standing place in the kitchen. “Marco, you’re home!”

A cold wave of dread washed over him as he caught sight of his mother’s unknowing smile. She threw her arms around him in a hug, but he was completely lost in his thoughts, dismayed by his realization. I’m going to have to be the one to break the news to everyone in Echo Creek…

“Welcome home.”

“Hi, mom.” Marco tried to politely excuse himself to his room, but Angie wasn’t about to let him go so easily.

“Did you get everything figured out with Star?” she asked, letting up on her grasp. “I know she didn’t leave on the best terms.”

He turned around slowly, opting to stare at the wall behind her instead of making eye contact. “Actually… can we talk about it later? I’m really tired.”

Unfortunately, Angie was smarter than that. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m tired,” he repeated. “I’m really, really tired.”

“Marco?” She could only repeat her son’s name as he turned his back and ascended the stairs without responding further. “Marco!”

He shut his bedroom door behind him, trying to listen through the door. When he was certain that his mother hadn’t followed him in an effort to demand answers, he slid down the wall to a seated position on the floor and sighed heavily, his exhaustion finally starting to catch up with him.

His phone in is pocket was being bombarded by incoming messages, now that he’d returned to a place with cell service. He remained there on the floor for several moments before he was able to convince himself to look through his notifications. There were a lot of unread messages from his friends, mostly Jackie. As he was attempting to read through them, he was bombarded by several new texts from Janna.

Janna: yo diaz

are u home yet?

u better answer me

Because of course Janna somehow knew that he was back on Earth. He supposed it really wasn’t all that surprising, once he thought about it. I’m not sure if I’m in the right headspace to put up with this right now…

Marco: Yeah I am, how did you know that?

Janna: not important

ur gf has been harassing me bc u werent responding

next time maybe give some notice before u disappear?

Guilt flooded over him. She had every right to be upset with him, as far as he was concerned. Everyone did. He was the one who left without notice, and aside from a parting message to Jackie—apparently she had still tried to contact him anyways—no one else in his immediate friend group had known where he was.

Marco: I’m really sorry

I didn’t mean to be gone as long as I was

Janna: save your sorries for your gf dude

u cant just disappear for a week w/o warning and pretend nothings changed. shes got every right to be mad if she is

i kinda do too, lucky for u im not the grudge holding type

did star come back with u or is she like staying on mewni or whatever

Marco collapsed backwards onto his bed, defeated. His phone fell out of his hand, currently of little concern to him, now that he was so lost in his thoughts. There’s just no escaping this, is there? Everything had always been about Star, and everything still was about Star. Just as suddenly as she had crashed into his life, she was gone, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, about how the last thing she’d thought to do before disappearing in that explosion was to apologize.

A piece of his world had went with her, and he couldn’t help but feel that he was somehow responsible. There had to have been warning signs, right? Should he have done something differently, or done something sooner? “I hate this,” he murmured aloud, burying his face in his hands. “I hate this…”

Star probably hates this, too, he admitted inwardly. She always did everything in her power to be a positive force in people’s lives. The last thing she’d want is for everyone who cared about her to be moping around. I really hope she knew what she was getting herself into…

He finally spared another glance at his phone.

Janna: ???

Marco: Sorry

I don’t know if I want to talk about it right now, if that’s ok

Janna: yeah sure

if things are awkward between u two now thats ur business, not mine

jackie isnt mad at you fr that btw

Marco: For what?

Janna: uh

at the party?

Oh, right, Marco grimaced. Just before she left for Mewni—and subsequently vanished—Star had confessed her feelings for him in front of everyone at their end-of-the-school-year celebration. Even now, he still couldn’t help but hold some resentment towards her for how hasty that decision of hers had been, especially when she knew he was dating Jackie.

It was almost like she knew that was the last time she’d ever see him, and that her true feelings had been a weight on her chest that she could no longer bear to keep bottled up.

And yet, at the same time, his resentment felt unfair. He had no way of knowing when these feelings of hers had actually emerged, but Star never stopped trying to help him get Jackie’s attention. Even once they were finally dating, Star still went out of her way to include both of them in her lives however she could. As much heartache as it likely caused her, she must have valued their friendship over everything else, if she was able to force herself to put up with it for such a long time.

Conflicted feelings about Star aside, he still had overwhelmingly negative memories associated with that party. He preferred to forget about it where possible.

Marco: Gee, thanks for that, Janna

I’d almost forced that party out of my recent memory, but now it’s back.

Janna: sorry lol

Marco: Why would Jackie be mad at me about that? Star having feelings for me doesn’t change anything

Just wondering why you think that

Janna: i dont, im just repeating what she told me

and she told me she wasnt mad at u, sooo

i dont think shes mad at all tbh? that was a week ago anyways

go talk to her urself dude, im no therapist

Marco: Alright

Thanks, Janna

Janna: no prob

Though he did feel a bit guilty for withholding the truth of the situation from Janna, he swore to himself that he’d be honest about what really happened as soon as he felt able to. Janna was a mixed bag, and even though they were friends—at least, I think we’re friends?—he had no idea how she was going to take the information. He wanted to give himself time to come to terms with it all before trying to explain it to his and Star’s friends.

He had some things he needed to take care of, first. There was someone that he needed to apologize to, more than anything. Hopefully she was home.

His door creaked open, and he slowly made his way back down the staircase. His mother looked up from the book she was reading on the couch, her eyes lighting up with concern. “Marco?”

“I’m gonna go see Jackie,” he said quietly.

“Okay…that’s okay.” Angie stood up and crossed the room to stand in front of him cautiously. “Just… if you need to talk, I’m here for you, sweetie.” She extended her arms in an offering for a hug.

“I know.” He accepted her gesture and rested his head on her shoulder. “I just need to talk to her first.”

He headed out to the garage. It didn’t take long for him to wheel his bike out of the garage and suit up. He never really felt like taking his bike out was all that notable. Nothing would compare to when he tried to teach Star a couple months back, but she—

No, stop it, he told himself, shaking his head as if it would help unscramble his thoughts in any way. Stop thinking about her.

He was sure that the last thing Jackie needed was for him to suddenly show up on her doorstep in tears, especially when he had already done such a terrible job of communicating with her during his impromptu trip to Mewni. His only message to her about the entire situation had been incredibly brief.

Marco: I’m going to Mewni to make sure Star is okay. It sounds like something bad is about to go down there. I’ll be back soon, I promise. Love you

If he could go back in time a week, he would have done a better job of explaining himself. But it’s too late to worry about it now. I just need to focus on the present.

Once he’d shut the garage behind him, he headed off in the direction of Jackie’s house. His gaze rarely lifted from the street, and he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with any neighbors that he passed, out of fear of encountering someone who’d ask questions or demand answers.

It almost felt like some of the color in his life had been leeched away. The only thing that didn’t look any more faded to him was the moon, which was painted a vibrant and shadowy red, slowly climbing its way out of the magenta-colored morning sky—wait, what?

Marco rubbed his eyes fervently in an effort to snap himself out of it, but it didn’t work. No, his fears were completely correct, and he found himself staring up at the Blood Moon, hovering behind the clouds. It wouldn’t be visible for much longer before it sank behind the trees, but the fact of the matter was that it was here. It was still here, lingering in the background like a silent menace. A shudder ran up his spine as he watched it, unable to look away.

The front wheel of his bike suddenly collided forcefully with the curb, threatening to launch him over the handlebars. Miraculously, he managed to plant a foot on the ground to prevent himself from landing in a heap. He let out a trembling exhale as he stared up at it with an intense gaze.

Okay. Why it’s here isn’t important. You’re here to see Jackie, he repeated in his mind, over and over in the hopes that it would stick. She’s worried about you. You haven’t spoken to her in a week. You need to apologize.

With one last fleeting glance at the moon, he backed his bike away from the curb and continued down the road towards Jackie’s house.

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* ♦ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

“King River has returned.”

Moon’s gaze snapped up from the book on dimensional travel she had been scouring through. Even if she had publicly said that returning Star wasn’t first on her list of priorities, that didn’t mean that she was about to drop all of her efforts. As she viewed it, her status as as queen was an entirely different person from herself. Queen Butterfly was the one who would look after the kingdom, and Moon was going to find a way to contact her daughter. But hearing the news of her husband’s return reminded her that this situation was far too great in scale to look at it in such a black and white way.

“Is he alright?” she demanded, standing up.

The guard nodded. “He appears to be, yes.”

Moon let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. “Thank goodness…”

She left her notes behind and quickly followed after the guard. It was a slightly unusual scene that she walked into, as there were several large eagles perched around the foyer. But her husband was there, too, and that was all that mattered to her in that moment.

“Moon-pie!” he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. Their common formalities were forgotten as both of them rushed towards each other and met with a tight hug in the center of the room. “I’m so glad that you’ve returned safely.”

“And I you,” Moon murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I didn’t know how much more of this I could take...”

He pulled back from the hug to hold her hands instead. “You know, you really had me worried, leaving so suddenly!”

“I’m so sorry,” she apologized.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do! But if you and Star had to leave so quickly, it must have been serious...”

She’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t cry, but her composure was betraying her. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, her voice choking up on the last syllable.

River frowned in concern. “Did something happen?”

“I-I tried— but I didn’t— Star, s-she— I couldn’t...” River brought a hand up to cup her cheek, and she met his gaze with sad, watery eyes.

“Moon-pie?”

She lurched forwards and buried her face in his shoulder, holding him close as tears began to flow freely.

The few knights that were left in the room lowered their heads and excused themselves from the room, granting them both some privacy.

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* ☾ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

After a very brief internal pep talk, Marco was finally able to convince himself to knock on Jackie’s door. As anxious as he was to see her, he tried to focus on the floor as he waited, in the hopes of not overthinking anything.

When the door finally opened and he was face to face with her for the first time in an incredibly long week, he felt a grin take shape on his face. “Hey, Jackie—“

“Marco!” She darted forwards and caught him in a tight hug. “God, I was so worried about you, doofus!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m the worst.”

“No you’re not,“ she argued, holding him tighter. “I saw your message… but I sort of hoped you brought your phone anyways, just in case.”

“I can’t exactly get cell service on Mewni. Earth phones don’t work there,” he reminded her, chuckling halfheartedly. She laughed too, and it managed to brighten his smile a little. There was something comforting and familiar about hearing her laugh.

“I know! I know, it’s just… you left without much of a warning at all. First Star, and then you… you guys really scared all of us.”

“I’m really sorry. I should’ve talked to you first. I didn’t mean to make you worry so much.”

“It’s okay, Marco. I know you didn’t mean to.”

A beat of silence passed as he tried to think of what to say and she patiently waited. Where do I even start?

“Do you think we can go sit down and talk about everything? It’s… a long story.”

“Yeah, of course!” She nodded and beckoned him through the door. “Come on in.”

He followed her upstairs—after a brief hello to her parents—and took a seat in her desk chair. She sat down criss-crossed on the foot of her bed and looked at him expectantly.

Jackie was the first one that dared to break the temporary pause. Her voice was cautious. “I take it that something bad happened?”

Marco was surprised by her forwardness. “W-what?”

“I can tell you have bad news, Marco. Well, either that, or something exhausting happened. I can see it in your face.”

“Oh, uh... yeah, your first guess was pretty on point.”

Jackie frowned sympathetically. “I may not know much about this Mewni stuff, but hey, I’m probably easier to vent at than a brick wall, right?” She leaned forwards and put her hands in her lap. “So lay it on me.”

“...How much do you want to hear?”

“Tell me as little or as much as you want to. If it’ll help you feel better, I want to hear it.”

But there’s so much that’s happened! “Gosh, where do I start?”

“The beginning, maybe?”

Marco nodded, and, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself, he began his story.

“Well... there’s always been a bunch of monsters from Mewni that kept coming after Star. Their leader was named Ludo. He wanted her wand, but him and his lackeys are pretty incompetent, so they never managed to take it. Not until this guy named Toffee came along.”

“Toffee? That’s a weird name…”

“Yeah, I don’t really understand Mewni’s naming conventions, either,” he laughed. “Maybe it’s a normal name there. I mean, to be fair, most of Star’s family is named after celestial bodies, so it’s probably not that weird.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair.”

“Anyways, Toffee kind of showed up out of nowhere, and we could tell that this was a lot more serious than what we were used to with Ludo.”

“You didn’t ask anyone for help?”

“Star’s not exactly the type to ask her parents for help, so no, we just kind of dealt with it ourselves.”

Jackie pursed her lip. “That sounds like a really bad idea.”

“In hindsight, yeah, definitely. We had no idea who this guy was.” Queen Butterfly made it sound like he’s pretty infamous, he remembered, silently wishing he had asked for more information on Toffee when he had the chance. “He’s the only one who ever managed to take the wand. He kidnapped me, and then he tricked Star into—“

“Excuse me?!” She interrupted, somewhat outraged. “You got— you can’t just gloss over that!”

“But this isn’t about me!” Marco protested. “I’m perfectly fine now, so it’s no big deal.”

“If you’re that calm about literally getting kidnapped, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you going to Mewni all the time...”

“It’s not a regular thing, I promise!”

“Okay, okay,” she sighed in defeat. “Fine. What happened there? Besides the whole hostage-taking thing.”

“He used me as blackmail to make Star destroy the wand.”

“I thought you said he wanted to take it?”

“That’s what we thought, initially,” Marco admitted. “He had Star use this really weird spell that set it off like a bomb. The whole castle blew up, Toffee included. We thought it killed him, but… well, it obviously didn’t. He came back.”

Jackie furrowed her brow, thinking for several moments. “Not to insult your storytelling or anything, but I’m really lost.”

“Yeah, I’m, uh... kind of skipping over a lot. Sorry.”

“It’s okay... I know there’s a lot to go over, probably.” She glances around her room once before an idea came to her. “Wait! What was up with the night of the school dance? In the graveyard, when that weird little bird dude showed up.”

“That’s Ludo,” Marco explained briefly. “Long story short... when Star tried to destroy the wand, it actually split it in two. Star kept the first half, and Ludo had the other one. That night in particular was when he stole the spellbook from Star.”

“What does that Toffee guy have to do with this?”

Marco tried to recall as much as he could about the days prior to Star’s disappearance, but the fact of the matter was that he hardly knew anything about Toffee’s involvement with the whole situation. There was obviously a lot more to it, far beyond his own knowledge.

“That spell Star used must have put him inside of the wand. For some reason, she used it again, and she got caught in the blast that time...” He took a pause, having a hard time thinking about those that few moments before she disappeared. “Toffee got out. Wherever the spell put him, it put her in his place. I think that might have been his plan all along.”

He was leaving out a lot of the details—he could tell from the slideshow of emotions on Jackie’s face that she knew his explanation wasn’t quite lining up—but frankly, he could hardly make sense of it, either. Even if he had visited Mewni several times now, everything about it and its magic was otherworldly.  He couldn’t imagine how crazy it sounded to someone who had never even been there.

It wasn’t that unlike the Neverzone, in that way, though Mewni was certainly a lot less intense. A few things had stuck with him once he left—mostly learned skills, like how to drive a dragoncycle or wield a katana—but all the rest of his memories of that place had faded in a matter of weeks. He supposed it was time shenanigans of some sort, but it was still weird to him that he had acquired these skills when he didn’t remember practicing them at all.

Jackie had remained silent, mulling over his words. In the temporary break in conversation, Marco went on, saying, “Apparently this guy has been involved with Star’s family in the past, but I don’t really know how.”

Finally, she spoke up, offering an idea of her own. “Can’t someone use the same spell, or something? Anything at all?”

Marco shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that simple. The wand seems to be broken for good now, and I think that’s the only way to get to where she is.” He stared at the floor as he was reminded of just how dire this situation was. “She’s trapped in a dimension that no one can get to, and… I can’t tell if that’s worse.”

Jackie immediately dipped her head in understanding, and her sadness was apparent on her face. “Gosh, this really sucks.”

“That’s a heck of an understatement.”

“You were there when this happened? I can’t imagine how hard that was.”

He nodded once, averting his gaze from her when he felt his eyes begin to tear up again. “It should be so easy, but it’s not… everything that could have possibly gone wrong did go wrong.”

Despite his efforts to hide it, Jackie was quick to notice his defensiveness. “Hey... come here.”

He hesitated for several second before finding the energy to move. When he got up, she stood as well and met him halfway in a hug.

“I-if I had known that was the last conversation I was going to get to have with her,” Marco mumbled, his voice never rising above a whisper, “I, I wouldn’t have just let her leave without—“

Wordlessly, Jackie pulled him in tighter, resting her head against his shoulder. “I know,” she murmured. “I’m so sorry.” Marco could tell from her tone of voice that she was upset, even if she wasn’t really showing it in the same way he was.

In that moment, he felt awful for subjecting her to all of it. She and Star knew each other, of course—it was hard for anyone not to be charmed by Star’s infectious personality—but he wasn’t sure if him dumping all of the information on her without warning was a fair way to relay it. I hope she doesn’t feel guilty about what happened.

Nobody should have felt responsible. Not Jackie, not Janna, not Marco. It felt awful to admit it, but Star had been a victim of bad circumstance, and that was all. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t supposed to be a mind reader.

A shudder went up his spine. But why do I feel so guilty?

“I’m so glad you’re here, Jackie,” he said, attempting to redirect his thoughts.

“And I’m glad you’re back,” she replied. “I’m so happy that you’re safe.”

At least he didn’t have to wake up for school tomorrow. That was something he didn’t think he could manage.

[vavuska]

AUGUST 9, 2020

Body positivity and false myths about health.

Introduction

Today, the revered ideal body consists of a tall, slender physique known as the thin-ideal. This idealized image that has been constructed by the media via magazines, movies and advertising campaigns is having adverse effects on the lives of many women, such that more than half of the women are troubled by certain aspects of their appearance and are not accepting of their bodies as a whole. The preoccupation or obsession with their physical appearance has trapped Western women into subscribing to unhealthy narratives such as "I must be thin to be accepted and loved", "A thin body will make me happy", "Dieting will help me lose weight" or "Thinness equals beauty". These nagging voices often overrun women's lives and are linked to various psychological disturbances such as depression, eating disorders, anxieties, countless addictions, BDD, as well as low self-esteem (Rieves & Cash, 1996), relationship difficulties, and sexual dysfunctions (Dworkin & Kerr, 1987).

In addition to noting that people with perceived obesity (again, not medically diagnosed, just perceived) will experience microaggression, bullying, discrimination in housing, employment, education, and healthcare, Phelan notes that their interactions with healthcare professionals is directly affected by size bias.

In these studies by the Mayo Clinic, primary care physicians reported spending less time with obese patients, less communication, and open belief in stereotypes: this patient is lazy, undisciplined, and less likely to adhere to medical advice.

These negative interactions statistically raise a patient’s chances to: delay cancer screenings and routine care, avoid routine check ups, and are more likely to have unreported diagnostic errors.

This isn’t healthy. This isn’t saving or changing any lives. This is having the opposite effect, and it is happening precisely in the places where we are suppose to be receiving “help.”

What is body positivity?

Body Positivity is a social movement rooted in the belief that all human beings should have a positive body image, in doing so it challenges the ways in which society presents and views the physical body. The movement advocates the acceptance of all bodies no matter the form, size, or appearance.

I personally like the 4 Principles of Body Positivity conceptualized by Body Positivity Activist:

ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT IS: Our bodies as is (healthy, sick, skinny, fat, missing a leg, cancer survivors, and black, white, purple, blue and everything else,) deserve respect, visibility, acceptance and have intrinsic value.

REJECTION OF “BEAUTY” STANDARDS: Body-shaming of all types has been shown to yield detrimental long-term psychological effects such as negative body image, depression, anxiety, and a multitude of eating disorders. It serves no benefits, so we reject it entirely.

ACCEPTANCE OF CHANGE: Changes to our bodies—sickness, ailments, aging, pregnancy, surgery, accidents/trauma, putting on weight, losing weight, ALL of it—should be accepted, and should not diminish the value, respect, visibility of our bodies.

TOTAL INCLUSIVITY: Body positivity is inclusive of all bodies, not just those considered to be “fat” or obese,considering most humans are socialized to have negative perceptions of their bodies.

In short, body positivity and its principles are about acceptance, inclusivity, and respect. First aspect to notice: these are all social ideas, not medical ones. Why naysayers of body positivity consistently bring up the promotion of obesity when fat bodies are displayed is a mystery to me.

The second aspect of its definition one must notice: body positivity does not “promote” any body type. It is simply stating that all body types have intrinsic value. We certainly agree with this as a society. If you intentionally hurt someone’s body--again, regardless of the look, age, or state of that body--we consider that a crime. Body positivity simply concurs with this logic.

Lastly, body positivity by definition does not purport that evolution, change, and/or a healthy lifestyle is unacceptable. You can be body positive and be healthy. In fact, body positivity promotes taking care of yourself.

1 - “Your weight is entirely within your control, you are just being lazy”

As a random guy wrote on Facebook: “Body positivity is appreciating things that are beyond your control, like the colour of your eyes, skin colour, hair texture, height, etc. Weight is entirely within your control...if you eat a lot, you will get fat. Body positivity enables gluttony which is a slap to the face for underprivileged people everywhere in the world.”

That's not entirely true: gaing wight could be caused by hormones (pregnancy, menopause, ecc), genetics (for e.g. Peter Will syndrome) other medical condition linked to endocrines such as Cushing's syndrome or a malfunction of thyroid (hypothyroidism).

The involvement of genetic factors in the development of obesity is estimated to be 40–70%. Some of these obesogenic or leptogenic genes may influence obese individuals response to weight loss or weight management.

To date, more than 400 different genes have been implicated in the causes of overweight or obesity, although only a handful appear to be major players. Genes contribute to the causes of obesity in many ways, by affecting appetite, satiety (the sense of fullness), metabolism, food cravings, body-fat distribution, and the tendency to use eating as a way to cope with stress.

The strength of the genetic influence on weight disorders varies quite a bit from person to person. Research suggests that for some people, genes account for just 25% of the predisposition to be overweight, while for others the genetic influence is as high as 70% to 80%.

Obesity or overweight is not concerned about gluttony. It could depend on a lot of factors: physical and psychological. It is proved that people with depression or anxiety may experience weight gain or weight loss due to their condition or the medications that treat them. Depression and anxiety can both be associated with overeating, poor food choices, and a more sedentary lifestyle. Over time, weight gain may eventually lead to obesity.

Body positivity is about being conformable in our skins. Appreciating what we are and what we have. Body positivity does not promote any form of body, differently of what our media do.

2 — “You cold loose some weight, if you put in some dedication”

This one deleted the previous comment in which he used abused, starving people in Auschwitz to promote a diet, but I have his second one: “I meant that the problem with losing weight is just calories you eat vs calories you burn, of course the amount of calories you burn depend on hormones and a lot of other things. However, everyone can burn more calories by exercising. The Auschwitz prisoners were just an example that it is possible to lose weight, no matter the circumstances, if you REALLY put your mind to it. How you go about increasing the gap between the calories you consume and the ones you burn is up to you. Also, long term, even a 100kcal deficit per day can help you lose weight. You dont have to starve yourself to lose weight.”

Loosing weight is not always a good thing and it is not as easy like those people think.

Muscle does weigh more than fat because it is a denser product. On average, the density of fat is 0.9g/ml. The density of muscle is 1.1 g/ml. Using the averages, 1 liter of muscle weights 1.06 kg or 2.3 lbs., while 1 liter of fat weights .9 kg, or 1.98 lbs. An easier way to think of it might be: if you have an equal volumn of fat and muscle, fat is going to weigh about 80% of what the muscle weighs. This can vary due to numerous factors including race, being extremely lean or being extremely obese according to “Exercise Physiology” by William D. McArdle, et al.

The ‘take away’ points are:

Yes, muscle weighs more than fat. But….. do not assume because you started working out and you are not losing weight it is because you are increasing muscle.

The higher percent muscle you have on your body the smaller your clothing size because muscle takes up less space than fat.

On the other hand, if you are loosing weight, don't presume you are necessarly loosing fat, you could also lost muscles and this is not a good thing.

For that guy, don't eat is the solution to every weight problem. This leads to a thing called anorexia (which is one of the most painful consequences of the idealization of a “perfect body shape” myth portrayed by media). And, again, this guy really thinks that abused starving people are a good example to promote a diet. He seems to doesn't know how work human body and that if you don't eat as much to sustain your body, you will begin to feel always tired, weak and such because your body doesn't have enaugh energy to consume. We will see this in the next point.

3 — “You better have a diet”

I use the word "diet" in this context to refer to any set of restrictive food rules (barring true medical and ethical concerns). If you are feeling guilt and shame about your food choices, it is likely that you are approaching the experience of eating from a "diet mentality."

The word "diet" often has a negative connotation, so many people prefer to say they are making a “lifestyle change.” But if your lifestyle change entails rigid food rules that invoke guilt when broken, you are probably on a diet, even if in disguise. And the truth is, the diet industry wants us to "fail" so that we will continue to purchase their products. When you jump on the latest fad bandwagon, you support a multi-billion dollar industry that profits by convincing us we are inherently flawed.

Diets do not help you maintain weight loss long-term. The idea that people fail at diets because of a lack of willpower is a myth perpetuated by the diet industry. Powerful biological factors essentially ensure that your attempt at dieting will fail. Researcher Traci Mann, who has studied dieting for more than 20 years, found that there are metabolic, hormonal, and neurological changes that contribute to "diet failure."

According to Mann, "When you are dieting, you actually become more likely to notice food. . . But you don't just notice it—it actually begins to look more appetizing and tempting." Mann also stated that as you begin to lose weight, "the hormones that make you feel hungry increase" and "the hormones that help you feel full, or the level of those rather, decreases."

For the average adult in a resting state, the brain consumes about 20 percent of the body’s energy. The brain’s primary function — processing and transmitting information through electrical signals — is very, very expensive in terms of energy use.

The exact percentages are difficult to ascertain, but we have pretty good estimates of where that energy is going, though it varies by the area of the brain. In the cerebral cortex of mice, about a quarter of the brain’s energy goes to maintaining the neurons and glial cells themselves — the processes that all cells go through to remain alive. The remaining 75 percent is used for signaling — sending and processing electrical signals across the brain’s circuits. These numbers seem to be very similar in humans.

The brain is an energy-hungry organ. Despite comprising only 2 percent of the body’s weight, the brain gobbles up more than 20 percent of daily energy intake. Because the brain demands such high amounts of energy, the foods we consume greatly affect brain function, including everything from learning and memory to emotions.

Just like other cells in the body, brain cells use a form of sugar called glucose to fuel cellular activities. This energy comes from the foods we consume daily and is regularly delivered to brain cells (called neurons) through the blood.

As Mann explains, when you diet, "Your metabolism slows down. Your body uses calories in the most efficient way possible... When your body finds a way to run itself on fewer calories there tends to be more left over, and those get stored as fat."

Thus, it is no surprise that studies show that 95 percent of people will "fail" at diets. Most people can lose weight in the short-term; however, over time the majority will regain the weight they lost—and potentially gain even more. Working to suppress your weight below your natural body weight is ultimately a fruitless effort—in fact, it's an utter waste of time.

4 — “Being overweight or obese means being unhealthy”

Studies have found that anywhere from one-third to three-quarters of people classified as obese are metabolically healthy. They show no signs of elevated blood pressure, insulin resistance or high cholesterol. Meanwhile, about a quarter of non-overweight people are what epidemiologists call “the lean unhealthy.” A 2016 study that followed participants for an average of 19 years found that unfit skinny people were twice as likely to get diabetes as fit fat people. Habits, no matter your size, are what really matter. Dozens of indicators, from vegetable consumption to regular exercise to grip strength, provide a better snapshot of someone’s health than looking at them from across a room.

According to an article in The Nutrition Journal by Dr. Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor, "Most epidemiological studies find that people who are overweight or moderately obese live at least as long as normal weight people, and often longer."

So, you can be under or normal weight, but that's doesn't make necessarly much more healthy than a overweight people. You can't say that a person is not "healthy" by judging on their physical appearance.

Some feminist points of view

Now, aks yourselves why so many cisgender etherosexual men are so upset from seeing plus size models in media? Do they really care about stranger's women heath?

NOPE!

Oh. Maybe is because they are the ones who lose something in seeing women considered not attractive for their physical appearance being accepted and admired?

YES.

Female beauty standard in media are designed for heterosexual male consumption.

As women gain economic and political power, their beauty should matter less.

Feminist scholars have contended that cultural norms and expectations encourage girls and women to be attentive to and psychologically invested in their physical appearance, which can undermine their well-being and contribute to eating dysregulation, depression, and other psychological difficulties (Cash, Ancis, & Strachan, 1997). Mary Wollstonecraft (1792), who is considered to be the founder of feminism, asserted that women's preoccupation with appearance was due to impoverished education, domestic subjugation, and vain pursuits toward which women were directed by their culture. The feminist perspective reaffirms the declaration that a woman's self-worth, ability, and livelihood are not centred on her physical appearance.

Wayne Dyer (1976/1995) elaborated on this: “many women have accepted the cultural dispatches and behave in ways that they are supposed to when it comes to their bodies. Shave your legs and underarms, deodorize yourself everywhere, perfume your body with foreign odours, sterilize your mouth, make up your eyes, lips, cheeks, pad your bra, spray your genitals with the appropriate bouquet, and falsify your fingernails. The implication is that there is something unpleasant about the natural you, the essentially human you, and only by becoming artificial can you become attractive.”

Peterson et al. (2008) posit that feelings of powerlessness may lead a woman to rely on external evaluations of her body as well as to control her eating behaviours. In contrast, feelings of empowerment may decrease the likelihood that a woman will internalize society's messages regarding attractiveness and hence develop schemas that highlight the importance of appearance. Overall, what is suggested is that feeling empowered in one's life may translate to reduced self-objectification and, in turn, to a decrease in negative evaluations of body image.

As this gross guy said:

“Those women aren't thin they look healthy, your problem with them is that their not grossly obese, I've got news for you, most men don't find grossly obese women attractive. Women decide what they want to look like and that happens to be appealing to men, the media has nothing to do with it, women have been beautifying themselves in order to attract men for millennia.”

Young-Eisendrath (1999) elaborates on the psychological damage done by this: “the belief that we must be thin in order to be successful results in feelings of insecurity about ourselves and our abilities. Obsessive control of the female body leads not to power but to shame, self-consciousness, confusion, illness, even death by eating disorders. Longing to be reassured of our worth and validity, we submit to humiliating advice from experts who tell us what and when to eat, and how to exercise, as if we were children.”

In summary, the obsession with physical appearance often distorts reality, making individuals vulnerable to a host of psychological difficulties, including depression and anxiety, and even abuse (Hooks, 1995). Seeking the ideal body type, which is thinner genetically than 95% of women, is also harmful, as the anxiety it creates about weight is focused upon unnatural thinness rather than health (Williams, 1998).

Body positivity protects women from negative feelings about their bodies: women are encouraged to refute the message of the importance of thinness and develop more empowering self-definitions based on other attributes such as their intelligence or creativity. Feminist ideology thus emphasizes that a woman's self-worth should not be determined by her physical appearance.

This male obsession about our weight, saying that we are not "healthy", is just another way to cotrol our bodies, girls!

Lisa Turner, a food writer and nutrition consultant, summed it up best: “Losing weight is not your life's work, and counting calories is not the call of your soul. You surely are destined for something much greater, much bigger, than shedding 20 pounds or tallying calories. What would happen if, instead of worrying about what you had for breakfast, you focused instead on becoming exquisitely comfortable with who you are as a person?”

Some final conclusions

So telling to every people "you are fat, lazy, ugly and need to exercise for your own health" is not only harmful but not even ever correct for all the reason above.

The person you are insulting online could be “overweight” because has a condition, is highly depressed for past suffering experience (I know girls with past of sexual abuse who used to eat to find comfort for a pain that her cannot express in other ways). Or maybe not. To make it easier for you to understand, you must stop to judge people we don't know on their physical appearance, body shape or weight and we must try to be polite, so you will not get yourselves into embarrassing situations saying stupid things like "oh, sorry... I didn't know you had this thing...", after giving unrequested health suggestion to strangers or insulting them?

Have you ever consider how harm can do on others your “caring about strangers” health? What YOU are doing is causing eating disorders and low self-esteem on others. Body positivity helps to accept ourselves and not to spend our time into stupid considerations about our bodies.

THAT'S WHY WE NEED BODY POSITIVITY!

A little list to summarize:

Don't give unrequested health suggestion: they don't ask and you are not their doctor;

Every person need to be accepted and respected as they are;

Obesity bias adversely affects a person’s likelihood to get help;

Your body works better when you thinking happy thoughts about yourself;

Negative body image DOES promote obesity. And anorexia. And a lot of other bad stuff.

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(1/2)🐛? (on mobile cant find your faq sorry) My mom raped me for years and i recently escaped now that im 18. I didnt remember the sexual abuse when i made the decision to leave but i randomly realized it a few months later. I have found little support and therapy for an hour a week is all i can afford but is not enough. I am at the end of my rope with my trauma and DID and i dont know what to do. The biggest issue is the overwhelming shame, and feeling like i deserved it.

(2/2)🐛 I keep falling into saying it didn't happen/wasn't that bad/others had it worse to the point I get sick when I deny it too much. An alter keeps saying the rest of us are lying and mom is a good person and we should go back. I feel like I made everything up because I read a lot of noncon fic to try to punish myself. Every grounding technique I have tried has failed. Sorry, I know this is a lot. Any resources for female survivors of maternal incest? Or any advice at all? I feel so alone.

Hello,

I’ll separate this into parts to hopefully help with converting clear information. 

Denial, believing it’s fake. 

Fake memories, or just “made up” memories do not happen commonly,  [information here The False Memory Myth & Memory Repression].  there is nothing wrong with feeling that way however, self-denial and downplaying of our one trauma is really common. 

Having “denial of parts/alters” is really common. I personally have DID as well and we have alters who deny our abuse, blame our abuse or have a deep attachment to our abusers. That is so normal! You are not alone, In this struggle. If you have any internal communication you can talk to the other alters who share this trauma for support these internal connection are god for recovery. 

If you have the stability or any parts wh are good at working with there might also am them why they feel the need to defend the mother. communicating can also help ease your feeling of overwhelming and denial. 

One key way to help with downplaying of abuse is to imagine a friend came to you and told you what happened to you happened to them. And think about what you would tell them, I bet it’s not. “it wasn’t bad” or “well other people got it worse”. 

When you have worked out the kind of compassionate language, start picture the little girl inside you who went through the trauma. This can include talking to some of your young alters if you have any communication methods with them. Sometimes pulling them forward through focusing on your internal child might happen and sometimes those with DID can access the internal child through more basic IFS (internal family system) and Part Work methods. And offer them compassion for what they are going through. 

Shame

When you find thoughts of shame start to spiral, not the thoughts and the feelings in your body. But then take a long breath and work to not identify with that thought. The emotion and thoughts exist but you don’t have t push yourself to think about it r feel it. Picture the emotion and try and let it pass.

Working towards self neutrality is also a good goal. Refraimging the language you use to talk about yourself, and in your case, your alters, to something that lacks overly negative connotation ill help change the schemas of shame.  Coping Skills: Ditch Value judgments

Those words of compassion we talked about early when you find yourself starting to feel so down on yourself and shameful try saying these words to yourself. Along with some positive self aspirational mantras, you can help start to reshape the patterns your neurology follows. You won’t believe them at first but saying these will help with healing. 

Practising good self-care can be super important. When we can treat our body with honesty and respect that helps shape our internal sense of being respected and being care for. It’s also just good for general depression and health. [Coping Skills Masterposts: Self-Care]

I know how hard things like showers can be but starting with just tooth brushing and face washing can be important. If brushing of teeth is a trigger I suggest buying a smaller toothbrush like a kids size and changing toothpaste to one tat either foams less, is another colour or if the taste carries. Using baby whips or a wet cloth to areas like the groin, armpits, under breasts and behind knees would be another important step towards overall health. 

Keeping the living space as neat as possible also counteracts feelings of overwhelming shame and self-esteem issues.

The use of sexual material to cope

When we struggling to deal our tendency to self-harm is very common as it’s a maladaptive attempt to cope. Using the stories as a way to in your words punish is a form of self-injurious behaviour. Factors like lack of regulation, compulsive behaviour, intrusive thoughts and being manipulated by users to believing this is a reaction to perceived threats. [Coping Skills: Combating Self-Harm Urges]

This doesn’t invalidate abuse as having been abused is not contingent in never interacting with sexual content, up to and including having sex, afterwards. CSA often predates other unhealthy sexual behaviours as a reaction to our sexual traumas. No way our trauma reactions show mean our abuse didn’t happen or didn’t hurt us deeply. 

Coping Skills

 It makes sense a lot of the mainstream grounding is hard and lack effectiveness. Much of the meditative type skills intensify dissociation. We also often struggle with our automatic nervous systems being even more fractured than those with PTSD. Our neurological behaviour will also be more likely to take any stress or confusion and push us to dissociate. Visualization also tends to work poorly for many of us with dissociative disorders for the same issue of a tendency to dissociate. Focusing on a singular self to ground into can also become hard for us too and trigger depersonalization. 

If there are skills you liked in theory and didn’t have direct negative effects it might be worth trying them again. I do understand the frustration I really really do but it can be worth it. especially as you learn what coping skills can work with different somatic sensations and cognitive distortions. 

I would suggest using some of the most basic coping methods of deep breathing. I would guess this already takes a lot of brainpower as even basic things like breathing regularly can be hard for those who have extreme dissociation. So it takes a huge amount of practice for us and time for it to be effective but it’s so very important. 

I would suggest still trying to practice focusing on our body sensations even if we don’t add the subsequent suggestions for grounding. Knowing what sensations tend to present themselves when certain stimuli and thoughts are present is really important for coping. It can be true that the coping skill you are working at isn’t addressing where you are. For examples, our nervous system can be in hyperarousal but many grounding skills counteract hyperarousal. So try and look for engagement over relaxation or visa versus.

I am a big believer in the body-mind connection and import of the brain-body connection and coping that is body focused. Cogntive skills like thought stopping and replacing can be truly helpful in the short term for trauma survivors.   

Talk to your alters as well, coping can be influenced by the emotions land somatic states trauma we are carrying along with the ones within our consciousness. They might also just have opinions on what you ought to do. This can be done internally or through other means like writing notes. 

Mother-daughter incest

I have found very little survivor orientated material that could be helpful, I found mostly news sources about how it exists and academic texts.  

If any of our community knows of survivor focused materials for survivors of mother-daughter incest please reply or submit them. 

We do have a discord that you could join and we have an incest support channel we are still growing the members of the server but it might be a place to have peer support. 

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[my-witchinghour]

Hello honey! Hoping everything is fine :) Thoughts on having sun, moon, venus , Neptune in the eight house in aquarius? All the things I have read are so negative and dont explain much. Thank you in advance and sending many positive vibes and blessings :)

Hi love! Houses are areas of experience of our lives. They are the different scenarios that we show up to in order to learn, grow and evolve in life. I know that Houses like the 8 & 12 are known for having a bad rep. because they represent (on different levels) the unknown, what is beneath the surface, the occult, taboos, what we hide, secrets, our personal hells, deep & profound transformation, knowledge and information that most of people can't see and/or reach.

Aquarius represents universal and global networks and connections. The 8th House is an area of life where we merge with others and can be difficult to discern what's ours from what belongs to others. Working on your sense of identity and individuality (Sun), your sense of security and safety, your needs and nurturing yourself and your talents,(moon), your values, resources, sensuality, your sense of worth, what you like and what gives you pleasure (Venus) is what helps you to surrender freely, without fear of losing your freedom to be your own unique self, and also freeing yourself from the fear that people will abandon you. Loving deeply, profoundly, intensely without unhealthy attachement. With all those planets in there, including Neptune, I think that you possess a great amount of intuition that allows you to see through those moments of crisis, like, you see them on a higher level of perspective, which allows space for creativity to show up and help you transform the situation, turning it around. Questioning forms of love and devotion that no longer serve you that are/ were deeply imprinted unconsciously and breaking free from your own projections can be something to look at with these placements.

I hope this helps and makes sense ♥️

[migleefulmoments]

Reality Check on TSG and Darren: Dissecting the Lies the ccers repeat.

The obsession with Mia and TSG returned as soon as Elsie was over- just as predicted. I find it so odd that a handful of women with NO intention of ever stepping foot in TSG have such an obsession with keeping tabs on negative Yelp reviews. How often they must check Yelp in order to catch every one.  hot of the press so they can blast it and rage over the problems. But even more curious is that they never actually vet the reviewers themselves for their validity. Several of the negative reviews the fandom delighted over were clearly written by people who have never been to the bar and were influenced by Abby’s theories including the one who complained about the vaginas dripping on the bar and the one who complained about Open Dyke Night and then admitted she was underage and half a world away. 

Here is TSG overall score: 

With 118 review they are at 4.5 stars so these 1-star reviews are not the norm.  Most review look something like this 

or this

Now let’s look at this recent lot that Cassie decided to bring to ccers’ attention.  

cassie1022

(Well Megan, it depends on what night you were there. They close at 1 am on Tuesday and Wednesday).

(If the door people are turning people away an hour before closing, Mia needs to know and the Yelp review will be helpful  But since the vast majority of the 118 reviews are very positive, this clearly isn’t a problem that occurs often).   

(This is the one that gets Abby’s fired up about.  I have no clue it it is true or if it this policy is posted anywhere. I will give them this one because I can’t check anywhere.  20% does seem a bit high for a bartender tip since they aren’t waiting on a table...anyone?)  

(Melinda, Melinda Melinda...I’m going to guess that by her comment that she is not 21. She gave the place 1-star because the bartender carded her. Basically that is it. She gave them a horrible review and ranted because there were frumpy old lady tourists in the bar, she insulted the drink taste and the price even thought it sounds like she wasn’t served and the bartender thought she looked young. I’m sorry but this smells wrong. But even more telling is the comment “If I am willing to buy your mediocre $20 glasses of urine then you bet I am old enough”. Notice she never says she is 21, she simply spits that she is willing to pay the price for the horrible drink and that qualifies her.  

Check out her Yelp page- she went to LONO after TSG and complained about TSG on that LONO’s review.  “BEST BAR OF THE EVENING! I came here after fleeing the depressing depths of Tramp Stamp Granny's in search of refuge. The bartender with the long red beard was incredibly nice! He was kind, considerate, and extremely welcoming. The drinks were superbly delicious!!!!! Everyone should come here”  I get the vibe she didn’t get served at TSG (Keep reading, there is another hint about her age at the bottom of this section) 

Back home in NY she gave Trader Joe 1-Star claiming she found a worm in her smoked salmon. That seems suspect since the salmon was smoked. She gave her local ice cream place 1-star and this charming review “There was a long, black hair rolled up into my ice cream, the plate that my "sweet treat" was made on was covered in ice and the remnants of previous orders, and the employees appeared to be quite overworked.  When I want ice cream, I don't want an accompanying side of pity for the workers and disdain for the tedious, migraine-inducing procedure to make a mediocre ice cream. Also, the store was sweltering and I broke out into a beading sweat while waiting in the purgatory-like line.” The only places Melinda likes are a hot dog place and a pizza joint. The pizza joint got 5-stars “By far the best pizzeria ever; my existence would be trash without Emilio's. Oozy, gooey goodness that tastes like ambrosia regardless of the toppings. While the employees are lacking in the common customer service charm that we are force fed as a society, they have a higher level of pizza IQ than the rest of us average mortals. I guess that's what happens when you spend your days cultivating the food of the gods.”. But my favorite review of all is for 5-star review for her favorite hot dog place “Very delicious, savory hot dogs. The location is prime with it being directly behind the high school, however, the large line every single day can get a bit tedious. If only they would expand and open an extra window.” Now why would an adult care that it is located near the high school? It would seem that the person who calls the location “prime with it being directly behind the high school” but also notes that it the line is large every single day is a high school student.  Of course she could be a teacher who eats hot dogs everyday and is between the ages of 22 and 30 (any older and she would not be that upset that the bartender thought she looked young) but her comments reek of teenager.) 

(I have no clue what David’s issue is.  Is this a viable complaint to leave on Yelp? It sounds like David has a personal issue with the guy working the door.)  

Now the ccers chime in: 

ajw720  While all of these are bad, how are they getting away with unitemized bills that include gratuity with no policy plainly in site? I totally understand charging gratuity and have absolutely no issue with it, but it needs to be clearly stated, because if it is not, that is tricking customers into tipping twice. Disgusting.

Can we please separate d from this horrific establishment? Not only is it utterly misogynist and offensive in nature, with theme nights where the name is considered hate speech, it is repeatedly cited as poorly run.  First a 5% upcharge on ice and now we learn they charge gratuity automatically on bills of $80 or more without clearly stating the policy. That should be written on the bill handed to the customer.  Unacceptable.  

(Can we please separate d from this horrific establishment? No, Darren is married to the owner and considers himself an owner. What did he say the other day? “It’s my bar too because we are a unit” or something like that.  

Not only is it utterly misogynist: TSG is NOT misogynistic. You dont understand the word .

and offensive in nature: TSG is NOT “offensive in nature” to most grown adults. You can find it offensive but you do not get to dictate what the rest of the world finds offensive. Your attitude is no different from the Christians who claim they won’t serve LGBTQ customers because it is against their religious beliefs in that you are both putting your morals, values and beliefs on someone else and declaring that it is offensive to all of us. If you find it offensives then don’t give them your business. Period 

with theme nights where the name is considered hate speech: The theme-night names that you find so offensive and are labeling “hate speech”, are in fact words the LGBTQ is using to empower their community. “Open Dyke Night” was named- and is hosted by- a lesbian who uses the word to empower lesbians. These theme nights you find so offensive are NOT for you. They are nights for the LGBTQ community to come to a space that is safe and enjoy the company of others in the community just like them hence Open Dyke Night is for lesbian women to come together with other lesbian women and enjoy a night of singing and celebration. 

it is repeatedly cited as poorly run.. : It is NOT “repeatedly cited as poorly run” by anyone who isn't named Abby, Cassie, Leka, and Flowers. The bar has 4.5 stars overall and a lot of 5-star reviews. This is exactly what NadiaCreek was talking about when she said “You are denying a reality that is obvious and that gets more and more evidence with every passing day. You are tricking yourself into seeing patterns that are not there, by obsessing over small details and ignoring a mound of evidence for the opposite, true conclusion. That kind of thing can and will pour over into areas of your life that do matter. Denying reality in any area of the world is a dangerous game that can and will impact the rest of your life”. THIS is so important.  

First a 5% upcharge on ice and now we learn they charge gratuity automatically on bills of $80 or more without clearly stating the policy. That should be written on the bill handed to the customer: A 5% up-charge on ice was mentioned by one person. I wouldn't be referencing that based on one person’s random comment. The 20% gratuity is again only one person complaining so I wouldn’t sink my teeth in to this one until you know a lot more)  

klaineownsmysoul

When you have a “venue operator” masquerading as an owner who knows nothing about how a business should be run and obviously couldn’t care less, what do you expect?  They couldn’t be bothered fixing the air conditioning last summer and laughed it off as a joke.  Pretty sure at this point its obvious this wasn’t some sort of “life long dream” of hers to own a bar like they’ve pushed; more like a dream to have a place where she can drink for free and have her pic taken while people kiss her ass and call her wonderful.  There is not an ounce of D in that place.  His shoelaces have more integrity than this place.

(You have no clue what the business end of TSG is and comments like how she is “masquerading as owner” are so obtuse and stupid they defy logic. She is the owner and the bar is busy. But it doesn’t matter if it is failing and barely hanging on- it isn’t any of your business-that’ss between Mia, Darren and Danny and their landlord and vendors. It’s really sad and disgusting that you want Darren’s bar to fail. CCers want to be taken seriously -Abby constantly complains that the stans won’t listen to the various cc tropes -and yet you make nonsense statements like this...this is one big reason why you aren’t taken seriously. You WANT Mia to fail and you WANT TSG to go away but that is not the same thing as it actually failing or Mia being a clueless boss. In fact, her employees have said very nice complimentary things about her being a fabulous boss and they are far more credible evaluators than the cc fans who have never been to the bar and  simply believe Abby’s fantasy tropes about the bar and Mia failing. You have no idea if she cares or doesn’t care and again, it isn’t any of your business. It’s her business to drive into the ground or make it a roaring success. Darren’s fans don’t get a say in the matter other than to either be a customer and pay for drinks or don’t give them your business. 

Patrons continue to go to the bar and I have not seen complaints about the lack of A/C except on opening night.  It is just as much Darren’s bar as Mia’s- so you believe Darren didn’t care about the A/C and laughed it off as a joke? When? Or is it that A/C was out a few days over a year ago and you are still using that as fuel for your rage about a bar that you have nothing to do with? 

“Pretty sure at this point its obvious this wasn’t some sort of “life long dream” of hers to own a bar like they’ve pushed; more like a dream to have a place where she can drink for free and have her pic taken while people kiss her ass and call her wonderful” Again comments like these are why you aren’t taken seriously.  Mia owns the bar. Whether you like it or not, she owns the bar.  You simply don’t like that she isn’t the bar manager-she pays people to do that.  The owner is the one who hires and trains staff, makes decisions about the menu and what alcohol will be offered, writes the policies and procedures,   plans the calendar and makes payroll. She pays other people to run the bar day-to-day and that pisses you all off because you can’t see her at the bar and criticize every moment that is uploaded to social media. What she does is all behind the scenes and not Instagramable. But it doesn’t mean she isn’t working. There is a thing now called the internet and it makes doing a lot of the work of running a bar doable from a wide varsity of locals.  .  

Your comment that “there is not an ounce of D in that place” leaves me shaking my head. When you guys say things like this it just proves that you don’t know anything about Darren. You spend your time looking for Blaine and you're right- the bar has nothing to do with Blaine but it has Darren written all over it. The cc fandom spends all of their time and effort looking for the Darren they want to see and it’s a lot of work. You have to reject a lot of what you see and blame it on his team for making him be the bro’ dude that you can’t stand. You have to find videos and look at them frame by frame to find the moments you believe are the ‘real’ Darren aka the one you want to see. You have to cut out those precious few seconds, slow them down,  and  turn them into gifs and THERE...THERE IS the Darren you know and love.  But while you are doing all that work you are missing the real Darren. The one who is right there in front of your face but you don’t like because he isn’t Blaine. Darren’s footprint is all over the bar- from the elegant debauchery of the decor to the sexual puns on the signs and the drink names that IS Darren Criss. The piano at the center of the room-Darren’s piano- that he uses to connect with people through music and the fact that it is a piano bar that plays covers is all Darren. Mia plays very different music when she performs and yet the bar is literally based on what Darren does best- play the piano and sing covers while those around him join in. The place is ALL Darren-you just don’t like the real Darren.)        

flowersintheattic254

You know so many things were attempted to try to make M look like a career woman, with a viable business, shared interests with D and not a beard without taste or work ethic.

I think the bar will likely last as long as the fake marriage as M isn’t interested in it when D isn’t there to hang off and when you consider when it opened and how the encage went down.

M hung around bands when she was younger due to her fathers businesses. She likes being around famous, talented people. The bar gives her the opportunity and venue to continue her groupie inclinations.

I’m absolutely glad that D has been too busy recently to be there.

The most influence he may of had was with the whiskey choice.

(I don’t know why it’s so hard for you all to understand that Mia had several jobs and now she is owns a bar. The fact that you feel entitled to criticize her for her career decisions and make comments about her taste level is pure misogyny. Darren has also had lots of jobs and you don’t criticize him and the punny sex jokes are all Darren and yet you attribute them to Mia- that’s misogyny. Mia didn’t write Me and My Dick, Darren did, he loves the puns.   As for shared interests...he married her. Their shared interest is the family and the life they are building together.

How long the bar is open is yet to be determined but given that your record for predictions regarding Darren and Mia is abysmal, I’m not going to sweat it. The idea that Mia “hung out with bands” as a kid and the piano bar gives her the opportunity to hang out with famous people-I just can’t. She hangs out with far more “famous people” and musicians just going to events with her husband then she ever will at Darren’s piano bar. 

Her “groupie inclinations” WTF is a “groupie inclination”? I don’t even know what to say to that because I have no clue what a groupie inclination is. It’s really sad that you are so happy that Darren isn’t connecting to people though music since that means so much to him. He recently was asked if he had a need to be on stage and he said no, he has never had that need but what he does "NEED” is to connect to people though music and he also has said that playing the piano while people sing along gives him that connection.  I shouldn’t be surprised that you are gleeful that Darren hasn’t had time to spend at the bar he created in honor of his beloved Marie’s Crisis, your fan-girling over Darren has never been about Darren, it’s always been about you).  

leka-1998 Too bad you can’t actually call forgetting about that place most of the time and drinking the money they force people to spend a career. She’d be truly successful. It’s really her bar and D’s just the piano man, right? So if that could stop too, that would be nice.

(You really need to stop slandering Mia, she doesn’t drink anymore than Darren. You never call out Darren’s drinking but then again, it’s just your misogyny speaking-it always comes. The bar is Mia and Darren’s. When he says he’s just the piano man, he is just taking the attention from himself and giving it to her.  Darren does this a lot with people he cares about.  But he has been very clear that the bar is his and Mia’s. I know words are hard for you guys, you get so caught up in the meaning of the word that you fail to hear the message. Anyone paying even a little attention t Tramp Stamp Granny’s would realize that is Darren’s bar through and through. Someday maybe you can all stop looking for the Darren you like, stop obsessing about what this word means or that word, stop slowing down videos and clipping the out the 3 seconds you like  and instead  you can just listen to the Darren that is right there in front of you and HEAR what he has to say.  It will be revolutionary.  Listening to other people without assumptions is the very least you can do..literally it is the least).    

[wnq-psychology]

How To Build Your Self Esteem

step away from the affirmations

“To be healthy, functioning individuals, we need to feel good about ourselves. To feel good about ourselves, we need to feel that our time and energy is spent meaningfully. Meaning is the fuel of our minds. When you run out of it, everything else stops working.”

Most of us struggle with self esteem. Many of us are fortunate enough to realize this, and some of us care enough to try to fix it.

The problem, however, is with the majority of the resources available to us — especially online. I am pretty sure these articles are 100% written by people who have serious self esteem issues, regurgitated from everyone else who has self esteem issues, on down the cycle to readers with self esteem issues, who think it’s just their fault for not being able to apply them and successfully boost their self esteem.

But of course not. Because none of this is how self esteem works.

First, let’s talk about what self esteem ISN’T:

Self esteem is not selfishness or narcissism

Having to say this makes me impatient, because if people don’t innately “get it,” they fight it blindly, emotionally, tooth and nail. And I understand, because there are a lot of emotions on the line here (see: entire post) so I’m just going to tread lightly and quickly when I say:

Self love and self esteem are not selfishness.

On the contrary, selfish people have desperately low self esteem and self love, which is why they overcompensate, demand, and have nothing left to give others.

Self esteem is not a series of “dont’s”

Most self esteem articles cheerily suggest things like, “Don’t have the negative self talk. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t doubt yourself,” like “just don’t have low self-esteem!”

These aren’t solutions.

The brain struggles with the word “don’t,” and when you focus on the negative, you’re still focusing on the thing. The brain interprets the sentence as an imperative, like: “ah, okay, negative self talk. Got it!” The brain is baby Groot.

The way we talk to ourself is a reflection of self esteem, not the root. It’s effect, not cause. It helps, of course, but it’s not the core. And fixing the core will fix the way we think and talk about ourselves.

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you don’t have something positive at the ready, the old stuff will just rush back in.

Self esteem does not come from others

It’s not anyone’s job to make you feel good about yourself. It can only come from you.

Some articles suggest that readers should “learn to accept compliments” — several even went so far as to suggest that you approach others and “ask them what they like about you.”

Trying to build self esteem through “others’ compliments” is like trying to learn how to walk by being carried.

Only you control of your self-acceptance and self-love.

Self esteem is not in “self help”

This is just an extension of the above.

Self help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame. It plays on insecurities and fabricates solutions that don’t serve real needs. It encourages avoidance.

It’s like how MayoClinic convinces us we’re dying more than it actually, directly remedies health problems. Engaging will eventually make us absorb all these negatives. We are not more powerful than what we give attention.

Self help just replaces one external influence for another. We’re still grasping for some authority figure, some omnipotent voice, to tell us what to do.

This of course includes this very post. Which is ironic, but at least honest and warm-hearted, because I wrote this only after doing tons of similar reading myself, and I write hoping we all resolve this.

Self help will never help

When I was getting my business off the ground, in the 3 dark months of “white noise” after quitting my job but before getting my first customer, isolated and running mostly on “faith” alone, someone asked me, “what kind of music do you listen to during the day?” I told them, “on good days, upbeat music. On bad days, chill music. And I know it’s an ugly day when I resort to motivational videos on YouTube.”

Those videos got me nowhere — except maybe through the day.

You want to know what finally kicked my self esteem back into gear? When I started making sales. Once that happened, I never watched another motivational, “self-help” video.

Self esteem is not about “pampering”

My god, if we could all stop with the “indulgences” and “little day to day pleasures;” if only we could stop thinking “self love” is about “treating ourselves,” or “scheduling time every day for fun and relaxation.”

Heidi Priebe said it best,

“Real self-love isn’t about ‘treating yourself’… because real self-love is less about babying yourself and more about parenting yourself.”

Good parents don’t indulge children with candy each time they cry. Good parents support, teach coping mechanisms, and gently encourage growth.

This is what loving ourselves means as well. It’s not about daily indulgences. It’s identifying and pursuing our longterm values.

Self esteem is not about affirmations

Fuck writing down all your best qualities.

I don’t know who came up with this terrible advice, but it’s pretty much useless. Consider, for a moment, the most genuinely confident person you know — do they sit down every day and write down their best qualities? Maybe they do, but I doubt it.

Confident people don’t do this. And people don’t magically become confident doing it. Only self-doubting people get stuck in this compulsive loop.

Self love is not about affirmations.

As Heidi Priebe wrote,

“Claiming to love yourself and actually doing the hard work of loving yourself are not the same thing… You can repeat a thousand affirmations an hour, write a limitless number of blog posts about how you’re worthy of love and stick millions of post-it notes reminding yourself how awesome you are on every mirror in your house, but that only gets you 10% of the way to self-love.”

Except it’s more like 0%.

The real solution is: agency, awareness, authenticity, and action.

What self esteem IS:

Step 1.) Self esteem is agency

Self love is taking responsibility.

So many terrible articles encourage readers to keep self esteem at the mercy of external forces, prompting them to “think about what is affecting your self-esteem,” and suggesting “your confidence may have been lowered after a difficult experience or series of negative life event, such as: being bullied or abused, losing your job or difficulty finding employment, ongoing stress physical illness, mental health problems, a difficult relationship, separation or divorce.”

No. To this entire list: no.

I’m not saying that bad shit didn’t happen to you — it probably did. Because bad things happens to everyone. But life isn’t about playing the victim, or comparing notes on who suffered most. Life has negatives in the cards for everyone — even the most confident people you know — and the only difference between those with self esteem and those without it is that the first group chose to take responsibility for their lives, their responses, and their actions.

So when it comes to thinking about “what is affecting your self-esteem,” the answer is always “you.”

You are in control of your self esteem. That’s the entire list, beginning to end.

you are in charge. you are in charge. you. are. in. charge.

Step 2.) Self esteem is awareness

This is super important, and we don’t talk about it enough.

Get out of your damn head. Be present.

Stop slipping away. Stop shutting down. Stop freezing and falling silent any time you’re uncomfortable, or unsure, or anxious. Stop reminiscing on the past, or thinking about the future, or wandering around, mentally, anywhere that you actually aren’t.

I wrote pretty openly about struggling with this myself, and the fact that I’m currently working on it, so I speak from a place of empathy and love.

We do this is because we’ve learned that “shutting down” offers security — it’s “easier” if we don’t engage; we think there’s less risk.

But what we give up in exchange every time we do this is moments of our own lives. Which is why, in those brief moments we pull our head out of the sand, we’re filled with panic to realize we don’t like what we’re living. But then most of us respond by seeking reassurance (see “self help,” above — “you can do it!”) or solutions we don’t take, and ultimately shut it back down.

The first step? Awareness of your breathing. Second, awareness of your body in space; what you’re physically feeling. From there, you’ll become more aware of what you’re emotionally feeling as well. Accept these emotions as they come to you.

Wake up. Be aware of what you’re doing and where you are all the time. And most importantly: be aware of what you feel and think about it…

Step 3.) Self esteem is authenticity

It’s knowing what we actually want.

This is probably the hardest part. It’s also really important.

Because “nature abhors a vacuum,” if self esteem isn’t coming from external sources, but us instead, then we have to do the work of identifying what wewant and need — in that vacuum, without regard to others. (Note: just like the “selfish” section, that is not meant to read as “without regard for others.” We should still be considerate. But able to say what we want (or think or feel or need) without having to first ask, “well but what do others want?”)

Self esteem is answering “what do I think?” without first asking “what do others think?” This is harder than people realize, especially because it’s so ingrained.

I was recently thinking about what I wanted to do for Valentine’s Day, and initially could not answer this question— did I really want to go to dinner, or did I just like the way that sounded? Did I really want flowers, or did I just hope they’d serve as some security; some certainty that this was special? Did I really even want to do anything? Sometimes we do things we don’t evenreally want, but doing what “sounds good” saves us the risk of regretting having not done something come the morning of the 15th.

(In the end, what I wanted was a cookie from our favorite local bakery. We go together all the time and they put out these seasonal designs that are so adorable I could die. And then, like a good partner, I said in clear words that that’s what I wanted.)

We do this with everything. We pick where to travel, what to buy, and where to eat based on other people — our order at restaurants is influenced by others’, and we eat more in the presence of people we’re trying to impress. We often choose clothing, cars, houses, and hobbies couched in “what others think.” And sadly, we often even choose jobs and partners this way.

Sometimes we’re asked: “What would you do if you could not fail?”

And that’s great, but an equally great question is: “What would you do if you could not tell or be told by anyone?”

Would you get married if you had to go on telling people you weren’t? Would you drive the same car if nobody saw? Would you do the same thing on your weekends if you couldn’t frame it up as “how it retells on Monday morning?” Would you vacation in the same places if nobody knew?

Would you still be doing the same job and have the same partner if you had to tell people you had a totally different job and partner, both of which they deemed “unimpressive?”

What do you want? Not just in the moment, but in the long-run. What areyour values? What is your version of long-term happiness?

If that’s too hard or scary to speculate: start with a chunk of lifestyle now. Not your leisure time, but your actual life. When, for example, are you happiest at work? If your answer has anything to do with others (i.e., “when I get recognition,” “when I get a raise,” “when I win a deal,” or “when I help others,” you need to look again, for answers that serve you.) Maybe you don’t even like your work. That’s for you to explore.

If you’re struggling here and you just want more “help” on “how to do it:” you are missing the point entirely (and probably also missing the alarm bell that should be going off in your head.) This work fundamentally cannot be done by anyone else. This work is you. Do the work.

If you are so far gone that you still feel lost knowing what you want onany level: you skipped self awareness. You’re not paying attention. See “step 2” for further instruction.

Skipping this step is why “just do it!” doesn’t help

Our struggle (and reluctance) to find answers is why “advice” like “just do it!” or “just try things and see what you like” is met with apprehension at best, and disaster at worst. (If you aren’t in touch with what you actually want, and what your happiness feels like, there’s no way of even knowing if you like what you’re trying, and without this skill set, you’ll just keep falling back on “but it sounds cool” or “it’s what people do.”)

You can’t know what you love if you don’t know what love feels like, and you’re so out of touch with your own feelings you don’t know what it is.

We have to actually know who the hell we are, and what we want. Experimenting and taking action is second-grade reading level and we’re still learning letters over here.

Step 4.) Self esteem is action

Only once you understand what you want — what really makes you happy — in the long run.

Action is about making decisions. It’s about committing. It’s about choice and assertiveness and asking for the things we want and need. It’s about taking steps, and thinking, and coming to our conclusions — and then verbalizing them.

It’s also about being aware. It’s about being alert and awake and active in our own lives — not passive, compliant, or submissive.

As Nathaniel Branden wrote in “How to Raise Your Self Esteem,”

“Living consciously means taking responsibility for the awareness appropriate to the action in which we are engaged. This, above all, is the foundation of self confidence and self-respect.”

Or, to be slightly more clear,

“The difference between low self-esteem and high self-esteem is the difference between passivity and action.”

But knowing what action to take requires knowing what we want, outside of what others want — i.e., authenticity — which requires that we take full responsibility for our lives. Which requires that we dump all of the bad assumptions and models around self love, take agency in-house, and start to build self-fueling fire of our own desire.

About The Author:

Kris Gage

Motorcyclist, Software Manager, Drink-Slinger of the South 🍻 

Reach out: http://bit.ly/2CXgcv5

[fatalism-and-villainy]

intimatopia replied to your post “If poetry is a legitimate literary form - and I agree that it is -...”

i dont feel like ive seen a lot of "all poetry Must Be Seen As Unquestionably Good" it's more along the lines of "a large amount of poetry is self-expressive and criticism of poetry has to take into account that perhaps some things aren't to be criticised at the same level as others" which i think is fair? i wouldnt be comfortable with someone reviewing my amateur 9th grade poetry because……it wasn’t made for critical consumption, it was made for me. it’s hard to distinguish between private art and public art in poetry, but that just means that distinction is all the more valuable to protect young people especially because a lot of times the people going “poetry IS art and we should criticise it as such” are old men saying ti to devalue freestyle poetry, or spoken word, or other forms of poetry championed by young girls so it really just becomes another way to shit on teenage girls and we have enough of those already imo

 it IS an actual craft, and it takes tremendous skill. but it’s also art, and it’s a very accessible form of art, and I think there’s a lot of value in having a form of art thats both valued and accessible but accessibility to art is not something gatekeepers of art care about 

none of this is directly @ you i guess like i have no quibble with your original point but I do think these are all factors that have led into the situation you’re talking about that are worth considering? i hope my phrasing isn’t too shoddy hdhkdghdg;

i get some of what you’re saying but I guess I disagree that poetry is somehow uniquely self-expressive or accessible? (With the second point, I’ve actually seen people claim the opposite - I had a class with someone who made the blanket statement that poetry is entirely inaccessible. Which obviously I disagree with, but you could say that the opacity of a lot of poetry does make it difficult for certain people to process or connect to.)

I agree the the boundaries between public and private get blurry with regards to “tumblr poetry,” but I think that’s more the nature of the platform it’s being shared on, and of social media in general. There are a lot of conversations within fandom spaces, for example, about not offering “constructive criticism” to fanfic authors if it’s unasked for, because we have a system of beta’ing in place, and it’s generally understood that fanfic is being shared for a different purpose, and within a different environment, than published fiction. (And a lot of fanfic is intensely personal as well - just look at the discussions within shipping discourse). 

And while lyric poetry in general is usually defined through an understanding of it being a personally narrated medium, the lyric voice is in many ways just as constructed as anything else, and there are plenty of poets (me included) who see a large disconnect between ourselves and our poetic voices. So while I agree that offering criticism of amateur poets sharing their stuff on tumblr or what have you would be inappropriate, I don’t agree that that has much to do with the nature of poetry itself, so much as the personally expressive, rough-draft stage of writing blogs and online writing communities.

And by the time a poet actually gets published and becomes a literary figure, then yeah, I do think it’s completely unreasonable to say that because their stuff is self-expressive, it “shouldn’t be criticized at the same level” as other stuff. I realize maybe this isn’t the kind of situation you were thinking of, but my thoughts in the original post were largely directed towards published poets. Because there are certain writers who got their start on social media and then achieve some level of mainstream success who, frankly, act very entitled to praise and throw a fit when someone reacts even the slightest bit negatively to their work (i.e. that infamous L/ang L/eav post), and the general attitude with many of these writers is that because their work is personally inspired and people can relate to it, it’s somehow unfair to critique anything about their actual poetics. And as a student of poetics, this frustrates me intensely.

miseriathome replied to your post “If poetry is a legitimate literary form - and I agree that it is -...”

I would agree for specific /forms/ like haikus and sonnets (both of which people SUCK at), but I don't think poetry itself should ever be considered a form in and of itself, wherein all poetry could be critiqued by the similar metrics. Like blanket-making is a craft, but even a really shitty blanket can be a great as a different thing/for a different purpose. “All poetry is good” has always meant to me that any poem has /some/ kind of great value, whether it’s because of its literary craftsmanship, or its performative value (performance art), or its narrative, or its lyricism, or its shape, etc 

And like… even if somebody writes/creates something with the intention of it being meaningless and horrible by all metrics, that act in and of itself is artistic as a performance art, which isn’t even mentioning its potential value as a source for literary analysis

Disagree with the first part. “Form” might have been the wrong word for the original post - something more like “literary pursuit” might have been in order - but poetry can still be critiqued on purely formal or stylistic grounds. After all, there are so many different formats and uses of prose, and it’s still useful to talk about “bad prose” - certain features, like run-on sentences, lack of variation in sentence structure, lack of flow, “purple” prose, etc, are all generally taken as flaws, regardless of the content of the writing. Certainly there are exceptions, and truly great writers can purposefully employ flaws to create a certain kind of effect or communicate information, but there’s still a value to having a general set of guidelines about what constitutes “good” and “bad” prose. Likewise with poetry - if a poetic work has no regard for rhythm, syntax, diction, or sonic effect (among other things), then I’m not going to consider it good.

As for the second part - I agree there are more parameters for evaluation than “quality,” and certainly with art in general there is a lot that’s enjoyable or compelling precisely because of its low quality (“So Bad, It’s Good”), and even has fodder for scholarly consideration (see The Room or “My Immortal”). But I disagree that any poem has “some kind of great value.” Some art is just bland and banal. There’s some level of subjectivity here, and the most determined critic might be able to wring some kind of analysis from it, but some works just have more to recommend them, whether in quality or cultural significance or what have you, than others.    

[fafa1k]

December 1st- Write an apology to yourself.. Apologize for everything negative that you allowed yourself to endure in this yr.. DONT HOLD BACK ANYTHING BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE BEEN STUPID BEFORE🤦🏼‍♀‍

December 2nd- "You Have Not Because You Ask Not"

Make a list of 50 things that you want for yourself in the new yr

December 3rd- Drink a gallon of water/ Replace two meals with something healthy (fruit or veggies)

December 4th- Write our 50 things that you love about yourself.. Ask yourself.. "What is my purpose while I am walking and breathing on this earth?"

December 5th- "Junk Journaling" Just Write.. Write out what you feel, stresses, worries, pain, hurt, what you don't want to address, and just lay it all out on the table!!

December 6th- Meditate 15/15/15 (wake up, middle of the day, and before bed for 15 minutes) write out how you feel afterwards

December 7th- Unfollow anyone who doesn't add value or positivity to your life (family included)

December 8th- Clean our your phone of people you don't talk to or shouldn't associate yourself with

December 9th- Clean out/ organize your emails, spams, text messages and "To Do" list

December 10th- Unsubscribe or Cancel memberships from promotional accounts or sites that you no longer use

December 11th- Take a personal day to minimize social media usage (delete the app for the day, and no social media from 7am-7Pm)

December 12th- Write our your 30 day goals and 1-3 month goals to begin Jan. 1st (be as accurate, precise and detailed as possible..year, month, date, time, color and etc.. ACCURACY IS IMPORTANT)

December 13th- Put your phone on Do Not Disturb after 8pm, and Read 1 chapter of any informational book

December 14th- Cleanse your space(car, home, work space and anywhere that you spend a lot of your time). Pray over your home, and ask for guidance, growth, wisdom, knowledge and the will power to continue on this journey of growth

December 15th- Write our 3-6 month goals and 6-9 month goals to begin Jan 1st (be as accurate, precise and detailed as possible..year, month, date, time, color and etc.. ACCURACY IS IMPORTANT)

December 16th- Analyze your finances: Write our ways to save money, invest money, and cut back on meaningless spending (Create a financial goal to achieve)

December 17th- Write our 9-12 month goals and 1-3 year goals to begin Jan 1st (be as accurate, precise and detailed as possible..year, month, date, time, color and etc.. ACCURACY IS IMPORTANT)

December 18th- QUIET TIME ONLY: Take a luxurious and soothing bath. No electronics or anything.. Just meditation music and a moment of time to yourself.

December 19th- Cook a meal with your family and eat dinner at the table together( Bond with those you love) and commit to protecting your mental space as much as you do to anything else that matters

December 20th- Write down a list of everything you are grateful for. Have you identified your purpose?

December 21st- Take yourself on a lunch or dinner date and enjoy your own company.

December 22nd- Reflect on the last 21 days and how you feel... Journal this moment

December 23rd- Dedicate 30 minutes to exercising.. (Take a walk, go running, do a Zumba class, do a kick boxing class or something high in cardio)

December 24th- Take today to rest your mind and relax.. work on a hobby!!!

December 25th- Enjoy your family and friends (Take plenty of pictures and make memories).. Take someone less fortunate a gift, and appreciate everything that you have been blessed with!

December 26th-Forgive & Release: Write our a list of forgiveness & break up with Toxic people in your life!

December 27th- Hug 10 People (There is power in hugs) & take the time to Think about the good and bad of your current job and how it affects your peace and mental space. Determine what changes can be made to improve time at your job or map out how to gravitate away from your job and into a more fulfilling position.

December 28th- Write out a list of questions for your Parents, grand parents, siblings or closest to kin about your family bloodline. (This conversation will be one that you have on your own time when YOU are ready...NO PRESSURE) You can't understand where you're going until you know where you came from!!!

December 29th- Pray about your journey from this months detox, and pray over everything that you've written about, and everything that you would like to manifest. WRITE THIS PRAYER OUT ON PAPER...When you feel that it is perfect, say this prayer out loud and believe in your prayer and manifesting everything you have written down

December 30th- Write a list of 31 Affirmations for the new year, and choose one of those affirmations daily to start your day off with

December 31st- Do something that makes you happy and go into the new year a renewed person. What is your purpose?

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

Pink Diamond And Why You are Objectively Wrong

Why anti pink diamond naysayers are wrong under the cut

The problem is that all the negative propaganda i’ve seen about Rose (yall should stop Dead-naming her probably) is that its all based on nothing.

Evidence doesnt matter only wild speculation? You want a character to be bad so thats all you see

the apparent philosophy is that Rose should have used her authority to try to stop the colonization. The problem is that there was no evidence she didnt. People spent WEEKS talking about it. We dont know jack squat about homeworld other than what the Crystal Gems have told Steven, what we saw in the Trial and what we’ve heard Peridot say. There was no reason after we found that out to think that “Pink Diamond” DIDNT do everything she could. People made the Assumption and went about that.

Expecting a single person to completely overthrow society is nuts but not as nuts as assuming people are bad until proven otherwise

Yet after learning she did some people still arent satisfied. Saying that she should have openly rebelled....Despite NO evidence that could ever work.

See we dont know anything really about gem society, we dont know how diamond Authority works, how the armies are structured, how Big the empire is. We dont KNOW. But instead of deciding to give the benefit of the doubt, they are deciding to assume the worst. Thats a choice and a baseless one at that.

Thats just...not how people work. Most people are good. even people supporting horrible things can be good, and their problem is that they’ve been misled by misinformation, by propoganda, were raised wrong.

You give people the benefit of the doubt, and only stop when they have PROVEN to not show any progress and no intention of ever trying to change.

The problem is we DO know some things. 

Its safe to assume that in a kids show that good people are good even if they make mistakes even bad ones

We know that Rebecca Sugar is allegedly a good person, as are the developers of the show. We know that its a cartoon show meant for kids, and so its suppose to have a positive message.

So in the light of a lack of information one would assume that since Rose is a GOOD character that she tried everything she could think of.

Just ask Princess Leia why a single woman cant save the galaxy

And we DO have info on why an open rebellion wouldnt work.  We DO know that their empire is galactic, that hundreds of worlds of gems are out there, that its pretty easy for even a fusion like Alexandrite to be outclassed by a mere two gems, that they have weapons to destabalize the forms of gems. We DO know they have instantaneous transportation (Galactic Warps). We have every reason and mountains of evidence that a full galactic war with Earth would have been won easily by homeworld.

We DO know that any gem seen as ‘unfit’ whether they came out wrong or not doing their job has a high chance of being shattered and harvested (i’.e. broken, and their life sucked out killing them. because remember shattering isnt killing its shattering. HARVESTING would kill a gem).

With these two important pieces of information we can make the SAFE assumption with no wild mass guessing that any Open war with homeworld that resulted in the full brunt of Homeworlds military power would have easily  overpowered the gems. That the colonization which based on We’re all falling apart, happens with minimal interaction from a Diamond, would have continued, all life including the ancestors of the current 8 billion humans would have been killed. And every gem on the planet, whether a loyalist, P.D.’s army or Crystal gem would have been murdered and their bodies used to fuel Loyal gems.

“but Pink Diamond could have fought till the end, used her army...”

Could she? where is the evidence. She wanted to stop the gem way of life, stop the colony and the other Diamonds just thought she was being lazy. She didnt want to kill human cities and the Diamonds thought she was just lazy. Gems like Peridot or Agate’s dont even doubt their way of life and understand what any other is. they are sheltered to the point they dont know what weather is. If P.D. gave the order to stop colonization would her armies just laugh at her saying “oh those Diamonds are so funny!”? We know from that same episode that Diamonds dont even interact with the troops, she was expected to not even step foot on earth. allegedly spending the last thousand years stuck on the moon base giving commands through a computer. So we can assume that colonization is fairly automated with gems knowing what their general purpose is, obeying the next higher up with Diamonds being mostly a figure head answering questions that confuse their underlings like “do we go ahead and murder all these people?” or what structures to build.

If open war did start and she actually  fought homeworld from earth....does she even have any space ships? she had 1 kindergarden worth of Amethysts vs  the entire homeworlds. is 100,000 to 1 good odds?

“well maybe the entirety of the Army wouldnt be brought to bare”.

THERE ARE LITERALLY ONLY 4 PEOPLE IN THE GALAXY WHOS LIFE MATTERS AND 1 OF THEM REBELS AND YOU THINK THEY ARE GOING TO JUST LET HER?

A DIAMOND, the ONLY entity in homeworld whos life is valued? Openly rebelling against gem society? You dont think that would have got their attention? we saw from the other episodes that they see her as a stupid lazy child whos SUPPOSE to be a galactic commander. They didnt listen to her because they thought she needed to learn how to completely obliterate a planet on her own like a Diamond is suppose to. They’ve repeatedly shown that not only do they not value organic life they dont value any life but a diamonds. The concept of destroying their way of life to protect some easily  harvested gems and easily squished bloody pulps of humanoids  would be seen as some weird crazy idiot thing the Kid Diamond was doing. From the Evidence of the well documented lack of care for life we know homeworld has, and the Evidence of how the Diamonds view P.D. we can extrapolate that they might do something like Either blow up Earth and “start over” but maybe with supervision, or just automate the construction and “ground’ P.D. while she got reeducated and given another colony in a few thousand years..

BUT DESPITE ALL THIS EVIDENCE WE STILL DONT KNOW BECAUSE WE BARELY KNOW JACK SQUAT ABOUT GEM SOCIETY

so we dont know For sure if all this evidence points to the proper conclusion. My point is that we Dont know what could have happened and what options they had, but we DO know the tone of the show, intent of the author so its safe to say even if Rose didnt magically know the perfect way to rebel that she tried everything she could think of. saying she should have done this or done that is like saying “X war would have ended sooner if the allies had just magically known that these bases up here were working off a skeleton crew and a blitzkrieg would have easily broken through to the capital”

So yes if We Dont know the Details, but you Still Assume the Worst, then Its Your Own Fault and has nothing to do with the story. I saw someone post about how we got a non reaction from Greg...but...why would we? Rose was  a hero, it doesnt matter to him if in some war that took place a thousand year before his greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat grandparents were born the rebel leader USED to be one of the homeworld leaders.

the reason this person was mad was because they extrapolated despite no evidence that P.D. did something wrong, because Allegedly (based on no evidence) she could have rebelled in a better way (using “Baby’s First Rebellion handbook, no doubt”).  OF COURSE GREG DIDNT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, he already knew she fought a war to save earth and she won and Earth is saved. The outrage over this is artificial, fake and has no basis in fact!

So yes like i said twice already we dont have all the details and its wrong to assume the worst....

EXCEPT

We do have SOME Details, and not the ones i just listed. We have evidence that what Rose did was good because of what happened.

We DONT know if more gems could be saved, we DONT know if the war could have been ended early, we DONT know whether or not open war would have worked.

But we DO know She wanted to scare the gems off first, she wanted to save earth without a SINGLE person getting hurt, not one human, not one gem. Yes its apparently traumatic to get Poofed otherwise Saphire wouldnt have refered to it as a sacrifice, however we know its ultimately Harmless. Obviously Roses plan was to make the Colony not worth it. But because the Diamonds are shitty people and thought Pink was just being lazy it didnt work and so things had to escalate

We ALSO know that Blue Diamond arrived to oversee the end of the rebellion. Seeing as Pink wasnt even allowed to go onto her own planet it seems safe to assume troop deployment was based on Blues command, so peoples conspiracy that Pink sent out her own troops to fight the crystal gems is baseless with evidence against.

There isnt enough information to know whether P.D.’s plan was a sound one but we KNOW that P.D. was the closest to the other diamonds, if they didnt show enough love to Pink to convince her she mattered it was the Diamonds Fault not Pinks, for not picking up love where none existed. And we can assume based on her characterization that if she knew that the Diamonds would retaliate with evil in their hearts, rather than just leave out of disappointment, she WOULDNT have done that. Again blame the person who fires the bullet, not the person who denied the gunman’s feelings. stop blaming the victim.

And we DO know that Earth was saved. As i said i think there is a high possiblity Earth would be obliterated if Pink rebelled. Essentially the child doesnt want to shoot their dog, so the parents do it for them. But we DONT know. But we DO know that Rose’s decision lead to saving literally billions of lives.

And we DO know that not a single gem life was lost. yes its tragic that many gems were corrupted, but we know based on centipeedle they can be made to be happy and are in peace in their bubbles till they can be cured,  And despite thousands of years of torture, the gem shards are now at piece, and may be able to live a fulfilling life in the future as a fusion. We know based on all evidence that a broken gem is still alive, just disoriented from having its body not attatched. So the only lives lost were whatever humans fought for their freedom, and a few thousand gems were critically injured. I’d say a few thousand casualties is a small price to pay in any war.

We DO know that the Crystal Gems legitimately thought they were safe on earth, thought all dead, As we learned in “alternate ending” that Rose didnt even WANT steven she just wanted to have a child and have them grow up. No magical gem destiny. We DO know that Earth is safe and in good hands. And there is a possibility that even all the gems who were shattered may one day be happy again.

We DONT know what could have happened if Pink openly rebelled. But the only way to be ‘better” is things lead to a few more crystal gems being unshattered. but it also might have meant millions dead.

We DO know that her decision worked out for the best. Stevens happy, Gregs, happy, Pearl is happy, Garnet is happy, Peridot is Happy, offcolors can migrate to earth, corrupted gems can achieve happyness despite their disability, and shattered gems can find piece

So Stop going out of your way to ruin this for yourselves and being angry