#i dont want to think about time and autonomy bc it will kill me

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

i have to talk about this episode of outlander, ok

no plot spoilers tho

but multiple times this ep they kept referencing the stars

and Clare was talking about how they are slowly burning out - second law of thermodynamics.

and Jamie would say that he doesnt know about that, laws are made by man. but the stars and hope are made by god.

and there is hope. the stars are there now.

but what kills me is that the stars have already burned out.

this starlight has travelled an unimaginable distance, and has taken so long to reach their eyes that those stars are long gone.

and everything Jaime and Clare are trying to accomplish? its already happened. that war they will fight tomorrow? the bodies have already been buried centuries ago.

and its the whole arc of the show.

and it reminds me of a bible story i was told in sunday school about a man who goes to this temple of scrolls. where the scrolls list everyones fates. their whole life from start to end laid out on parchment. and God tells the man not to read his scroll (but he does anyway, and is punished. probably). but not once is his free will questioned. any choice he made was his, and yet it was already known to God. (i might have imagined this story btw. i make no guarantees that it is a real bible story. and i wont be fact checking. its real enough, bc you have just read it now).

like no matter what Jaime or Clare or any of the travellers do - no matter how much they meddle in the past - everything they do confirms the future they already know.

and the stars will keep burning.

but, all the while, they have already burned out

[sammygender]

is there any point in the series that sam could have made an escape and actually successfully gotten away from dean and hunting, or do you think that his lack of support system made it impossible

FANTASTIC QUESTION. sorry im gonna ramble for 7374893594 words now

tldr, past like s3 (and certainly past s5) i think its kinda impossible.

early seasons, like 1-2, sure and totally, he almost does, he plans on it. but then the demon deal for his life happens and theyre trapped in cycles forever and ever and everything becomes a lot harder and, also, sam and dean just naturally become more and more codependent, decreasing the chances of them ever being able to have a 'normal relationship', which i think is necessary (dean loosening grip on sam, them having connections outside of each other) for sam to ever 'get away' from dean/hunting (cause otherwise its just an all-or-nothing choice, more on this in a sec).

i think its less so much about sam successfully getting away in terms of getting dean off his back/to leave him alone (which, dont get me wrong, WOULD be hard, especially as the seasons go on, considering dean cant stand to be alone and has extremely controlling and occasionally stalkerish tendencies <3..... but could still certainly be possible), but about him actually choosing to leave dean/hunting (which for the purposes of this question we r equating).

bc its sort of like..... he takes a lot of Breaks especially during mid seasons (s5 after lucifer's set free (tho iirc this one is dean's doing), s7 after dean kills amy, s8 with amelia tho he thinks deans dead, s9 after gadreel possession is revealed....) but he always always comes back. of course s8 is dean Literally Dragging sam back into it (<3) and also just shaking everything up by being generally Alive, but s7 and 9, its cause dean has done something awful thats genuinely shook sam up, and in the end he just... gets over it. cuz what is the alternative? dean doesnt change and rarely apologises!

like its the fact that of course he wants a relationship with dean because deans the closest person in his life and everything to him, but having a relationship with dean equals their intense codependent unhealthy bond, equals dealing with dean's disregard of his autonomy and ignoring it (read: letting it wear him down). dean's all or nothing. they cant just be 'normal brothers'. and i find it extremely hard to see sam ever actually longterm choosing 'no dean' over 'dean who loves him more than anything and will always do anything for him but systematically wears down his personhood and punishes him for percieved disobedience and thinks he's the one who gets to make choices about sam's life'. like he would have to have a bunch of connections outside of dean, they probably both would, and that would never really happen partially because of dean. they can never let anyone else get on their level. like u said. lack of support system!

and its like... what could dean Actually do that would make sam 'cut him off'/distance himself permanently. i literally and truly cannot think of anything. sam canonically has an INCREDIBLE capacity for forgiveness, just in general - where's that jared quote about how sam forgives everyone cause he sees himself as someone so in need of forgiveness - and this even more so applies to dean. dean locks sam up and leaves him to die, kills his friend, tricks sam into letting an angel possess him, and tries to kill him, and none of that makes sam leave dean permanently, not just because dean makes it physically difficult for him to (tho he does - insisting they work together in s7 on the case, going off to get mark of cain in s9) but also cause sam just eventually forgives him and moves on. is it 'capacity for forgiveness' or is it that he doesnt really view bad things that happen to him as a big deal, that (thru s5-esque emotional abuse techniques <3) deans subconsciously gotten him questioning his own reality and opinions so deeply that it just takes time before sam's agreeing with dean again. makes you think!

but tbf (and this is a digression but i just find it interesting) this probably goes both ways too - what could sam actually do to make dean leave him permanently? even when deans incredibly angry at sam he usually wants him around to berate about it <3. exceptions being start of s10 when hes a demon but even demon dean soon switches to sam-obsession.... and s5. which i know according to endverse Wouldve been a permanent split up? which is kind of wild? and canonises that that Couldve Happened i guess. samgirls should do more with endverse, id kill to see an actually good samcentric fic of like. the events leading to endverse. if anyones read any pls pls recs. ANYWAY. theres also ofc s2 meg possession, where dean just fully thinks sam killed people and is like <3 okay baby brothers lets pretend this never happened we got this do u need me to bury a body <3. truly a ride or die. unless ur actively going against Him specifically. things to think about. tell me ur takes.

and anyway then s11 onwards he is NOT getting out. not unless someone really managed to get it into his head Hey So Pro Tip This Is Fucked. sam acquiesces to dean-as-dictator, having literally Let Dean (be about to) Kill him, dean (newly cured from moc) is consequently much more pleased with sam and with their relationship, they fight much less and theres therefore much less prominent emotional abuse etc since dean is at his worst when hes upset. (iirc. late seasons are a blur except for jack stuff.). and by s13 he has a son and maybe if this happened seasons ago dean's treatment of jack would've been enough to prompt at least a temporary split up but it doesnt, it just sparks a few vague arguments between samndean and sam telling jack that dean is trying <3 and that its very difficult for him <3 which is why he told you hed kill you <3 thats just what dean is like you have to get over it at some point <3 (I LOVE S13). so then yeah. too late.

TLDR... he is too indocrinated <3. sad!

[rel124c41]

I suck horribly at actually talking to people but I NEED to make it known how much I've loved and enjoyed your jade fics!!! Every single one has been a total banger., i've been fed so well.

I absolutely loved the readers lack of autonomy in your japanese folklore fic (im typing off memory so my spelling of everything will be off) they didn't have a choice in anything. fish wife <3 I'll admit I was a little confused with the Garappo, i truly thought it was some weird suicide until Jade later mentioned it. And why Floyd mentioned his brother dying to one, (I honestly thought it was supposed to be jade creature)

AGHHHH fish wife??? really?? fish wife??? the ending was so delicious, i could almost visualize it. so lovely. the fear, lack of autonomy, the loss of all they've known, never knowing what's real and what's a fantasy. I'm not sure what you envisioned for their future, but I can imagine that lack of autonomy will be more of a pressing issue than it was. God, the view of that though!!! Someone you only remember when you're too hazy to be in the real world, someone that's been with you throughout your life, someone that's wanted you since you could remember. isn't that so romantic? Finally together where the sun can't part you, under the water.

i dont know how to really explain what im feeling, or what i think, but i feel like it's such a poignant visual to be killed by this Jade in that way. It feels like watching a puzzle you've been working on be completed, or reaching a new plot point in a game you like, it's this feeling of intrigue, anticipation, idk. I always get that feeling reading your fics and also HOLY FUCK THEYRE SO LONG!!!!!!

and dont think i've forgotten your other fics LOL im ready to talk about those too holy fuck. I don't have that much to say unfortunately, I really enjoyed them just as much but I'm far more speechless. The Jade fic based off of Mera's god! Floyd was... really nice. The altar scene felt like Jade was punishing them for something. That's just how the bee crumbles, though. "sadist" might not rhyme with "jade" but it's basically the same word anyway... I loved watching Jade's opinion of Reader change over the time skips, he goes from mild annoyance/hate or, idk, repulsion (?) to interest, to love (menace style).

The reader fulfilling nothing in the end was certainly something. I loved it.

I've never really had a family, so I can't understand reader's motivations in your "crowley finds a way to send Yuu home" fic, but it made me wish I had one. I enjoyed the ending, the usage of the ghost camera. Poor Jade, really. I don't have much to say, because I'm not personally a fan of angst.

I feel like I can safely say you're my favorite writer, even above Mera. (who i now know you're also a fan of!!! which is neat!!!!!)

i know i probably could've DMed you but I feel like an ask is more appropriate >:) i hope you enjoy the long ask, as an artist myself this is kinda like tags on my art, and i really feel like you deserve that happiness. not good at talking, my bad!!!!

oh the way this made my day, i’m on break for my 6-2 shift and just AAAAAAAAAA thank you thank you thank you for this ask (*≧∀≦*) i’m geeking over here man,, i’m so flattered

okay to answer the first thing about why Floyd mentions his brother got killed by one!! the entire point of him going there is to check if his future sibling in law opinion on yokai, his brother’s lovesick so Floyds on the case

he had to make the reader let him stay!! the idea of the garappa outside is more terrifying to the reader than letting in a stranger & he mentions his brother dying to one (falsely!!! he’s lying ofc!!!)

bc the reader’s like oh that sounds familiar for him to have a brother, that fits into place — doubled with the bath salts, it’s an ease slip inside the shrine

“the fear, lack of autonomy, the loss of all they've known, never knowing what's real and what's a fantasy.” dude why did you write Sundo better than me??? why did you write the whole thesis of Sundo in a more poetic and all around better way that i ever could holy shit

also if i was the reader i’d give into to be an umi bozu so easily,, like the eldritch beauty of becoming something truly incomprehensible, some Berserk-esque creature

like look at this!!!!! it would be so cool to be this!!!!! GIANT FISH WIFE!!!!

AAAAA to be a huge monster loved and adored by your husband who stole/shares your immortal soul and infects your memory like a leech 💕💕

“It feels like watching a puzzle you've been working on be completed, or reaching a new plot point in a game you like,” AAAAA THANK YOU!!! (￣个￣) this particular part has me geeking,, i’m a big video game fan so to mimic that feeling of completeness, integrality!!!

and yeah i’m always worried about length bc i’m too fluent in yappanese when it comes to writing

the altar scene in Psilocybin was definitely a mixture of punishment and accepting them into his world — he’s always going to be salty that he does not know what fear tastes, smells, looks like upon the reader! (〃´∀｀)

i’m a HUGE momma’s girl so that’s where the theme of Schism came from haha and i love Tool’s music — thank you for saying u like the ghost camera usage, i was worried the audience might not get this BUT reader does not end up leaving; that end scene is specifically with the fragment of her soul from the photograph on Jade’s desk

ALSO MORE THAN MERA???? AAAAA THATS CRAZY PRAISE 💕💕💕 (O∆O)

UM THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK <<<3 im tattooing it in my head forever!!!! also ure my first mutual and it’s such an honor bc you’re so incredibly talented and AAAA i’m still geeking 💕

[swallowtail-ageha]

Malenia for the ask meme!

Responding to this ask late because i have just come home fjvididksk but its here!!

Favourite thing about them i am so insane about the whole bodily autonomy rights surrounding her. You never had a choice in what you were born as you want to desperately run away from it but your body never belonged to you from day one and in the end you fall to your origins and hurt yourself badly. I also like the whole kindred of rot thing bcs its deeply sad like. They are both victims of it malenia who never wanted to host the rot and to whom the kindreds represent her falling to her worst impulses while the kindreds actively do something that malenia hates not out of malice but because they were born from that. *chefs kiss*

Least favorite thing about them uuuugh i feel like the promised consort battle of aeonia stuff has really cheapened her and the whole conflict and i think her whisper being "miquella awaits thee o promised consort" just sucks

Favorite line My flesh was dull gold...and my blood, rotted.Corpse after corpse, left in my wake...As I awaited... his return.

Its just so *froths at the mouth* it embodies perfectly her feelings about the scarlet rot and the shame that came from actually blooming for the sake of miquella and grappling with the fact that because of it she killed several hundreds of people and i am *aaaagh*

brOTP while i have started to headcanon their dynamic as being incestuous in the last few months, i think her and miquella's story also really works well as just a normal if tragic sibling relationship. I also see well a malenia and godwyn dynamic where well. Ok he wasnt the number one mother and father figure at once but i think he did rly care about her and in my headcanons he did a lot of legwork to include her in activities that she normally wouldn't be able to do by making them more accessible to her disability

OTP Malmiq lol. Its funny because i at first didn't even ship them, but dlc enabled me to ship it out of spite. I just. Really love the whole we are incestuous children of an incestous god angle of it and the fact that they influenced each other's lives and goals and personalities so much

Aside from that, finlenia. Like holy shit i am not normal about it. Imagine just being so loyal to/in love with your military leader you not only accept part of her curse but are also willing to drag her unconsious body for the whole continent in the middle of a civil war just to save her life. Fucking cinematic. Fucking beautiful

nOTP i dont even have anything against the ship per se because i find it really interesting dynamics wise but malenia/radahn has been ruined for me thanks to all the fucking violent rape porn revenge fanart of it

Random headcanon i think that she developed a very marked gallows humour. Like... since her childhood she expected to either die or turn fully into a vessel of rot so after a while she's like "oh well until i fix it i will just Joke About My Missing Limbs" which was very jarring to people who were personally meeting her for the first time

Unpopular opinion idk how unpopular it is but i think her devotion to miquella was. Unhealthy. I do think he loved her wholeheartedly (and didnt charm her opposed to what some people on some website say), and i don't even blame her for being so codependent with him (girl was neglected BADLY), tho

Song i associate with them least a song and more of an ost, but Divine Service from the Lies of P soundtrack! Its very melancholic and full of longing and nostalgy, which just

Favorite picture of them the one in the shaded castle! It is a pretty basic portrait, but the area building up to it is fantastic and elevates it in my mind

[nat-alianovnaromanova]

this poem reminded me of bucky barnes (i just got into marvel comics like a few months ago lmao). particularly wrt nat. and of course the dog coding of both of them is very interesting to me also. dog as in a tool dog as in a loyal servant dog as in devoid of identity except for their place as a cog in the machine. what do you think?

ohhhhh i love u for this. hm yes obviously this is more bucky than nat but sidebar it has echos of younger nat in the red room/when she first starts out as black widow. i dont think she is as pathetically beaten down as ws bucky bc she’s never had her autonomy & personhood completely stripped away like him so she is not a tool like he is. like yes she’s had her memories altered and tampered with but essentially she could always think for herself and so she could always pick up and go. but when she was younger not really she just wanted to be a good little spy, ergo the dog, until she escapes the kgb and becomes the fugitive dog never to be chained again. however

the winter soldier is literally a nameless dog on a leash. they kick him when he whines. he sits and waits and speaks when he is spoken to and rolls over when he is told to. and it is all insanely brutal and violent but it is all he knows so he thinks ah well this is how the world works!!!! i am either going to be thoroughly violated or completely ignored!!! and so i must be Good and Obedient. good cog in machine. good soldier. and again its literally all he knows. and when i say knows i mean … idk how to explain it but essentially he’s cognitively impaired as the soldier: brainwashing + drugs + cryostasis have obviously done a number on him! and when he’s only let out for hours at a time before being shut back in—which means he can barely begin to comprehend his surroundings let alone figure out a way to approach them—he behaves very mechanically. very doglike in that he obeys cues (ie sit shake roll etc). so over time he is conditioned to only behave in the ways his superiors like (follow this man. kill this woman. mission report. stand over there and don’t speak. or actually no come here us have fun with the good little soldier) bc it gets him the desired reaction: no reaction! to him no reaction = he’s been good and loyal. so bucky is chained. no control whatsoever. and it's learned behavior. when nat happens he's very ill-equipped to deal with her bc she wants him to speak and she doesn't give a shit about his being good and loyal. which is ironic because she is the only time bucky ever WANTS to be good and loyal to another person!! so here he needs to learn different behavioral patterns to earn the 'no reaction' which in nat's case IS reaction. sorry i feel like im explaining this wrong + ive veered off the dog topic. going back to that - the last part of the poem about the dog learning to love is VERY bucky during and after his time as the winter soldier. because he is essentially learning love from nat he thinks love is like. a smile. and he has no idea how to get it so he whatever he tries that works is the thing he relies on - and he does it again again again in the hopes that it will earn him love. he's like when you feed a stray once bc you felt bad and he keeps coming back even though you try to kick him away. so with the black widow he's like. when a dog brings you a dead bird and expects to be praised for it bc he knows no better. and anyway character thesis for the winter soldier is that he's treated more like an animal than a person. he is an attack god foaming at the mouth. someones sharpened his teeth for him but all the biting and snapping is his own. no one gives a shit about his identity or his wellbeing beyond serving his purpose which is to be a good loyal soldier. ergo dog. during recovery bucky becomes soooo pathetic about wanting to be good and loyal. essentially he curls up at the foot of nat/steves bed and waits for one of them to pet him. but also he pretends he doesn't want to be pet so that neither of them can see the extent to which he is desperate for it.

ALSO obviously there is love as biting. like digging into the flesh is an act of affection. where the black widow and the winter soldier think that love is like. hey i killed someone for u! here's the severed head :) circling back to the dog with the bird in its maw. circling back to trying to learn kindness and coming back for the hope of it even after they've been let down (by one another or the red room/hydra or wtv). they get one (1) mildly affectionate gesture and it drives them crazy forever.

anyway in conclusion bucky and nat are specifically dog coded in different ways. nat is more rabid. she is the kind of dog who bites first and back. she bites for fun! (otherwise she risks being bit and she is much too wary to let that happen.) bucky only bites back and that is out of fear. they are both always scared & poised to attack. bucky only knows to wait for scraps. nat digs in the trash for her own. bucky and the winter soldier are also dog coded in different ways. bucky is more of the pathetic one sitting in the foyer while the ws is the one who barks and bites and gives u rabies until one good kick turns him into a curled up whiny puppy. hope this helps!

[anachronistic-falsehood]

HIIII HI HI IM OFFICIALLY CAUGHT UP ON DREAMSTUCK AGAIN HELL YES. GOOD SHIT. ok now bc it is on my mind. i am DYING to know ur classpect thoughts on judt. everybody. handing u a free pass to ramble. u dont have to do all of them bc thats a lot but if u have favorites 👁👁 i am looking

OUGGOHIGIG WELLLL IF U INSIST

ok ok. jack. motherfucking manifold. likeeee cjack drives me insane i hope u know that idk what crack he put into his silly little minecraft rp character but it drives me insane. pages lack their own aspect/concepts related to their aspect right. cjack died so many times but it just NEVER STICKS. he wicks it off like its nothing. he’s miserable yes but nothing will ever give him the relief of dying. ds!jack is going to suffer that same fate. “Those bound to the aspect of Doom are fate's chosen sufferers. At their worst, they are bitter, resentful, and fatalistic.” CAN YOU HEAR MEEEEE!!! I’m so going to lean into the “Fate’s chosen sufferer” thing later on in the story. it’s killing me. cursed to keep living no matter what happens, even if death would be preferable. yeagh

also ummm. witch of breath hannah. channah has had her autonomy taken from her by the egg, by her wings burning and leaving her ground-bound, and breath is all about freedom. i want her to take it back yk. i want her to snatch her freedom from the universe and be able to DO THINGS. ds!hannah is going to be pushed and pulled in a thousand different directions until she snaps. the hand that feeds her is also the one that hits her and she’s going to bite it. i want her to go fucking feral

KNIGHT OF HOPE CPUFFY. HELLO. do u remember is dsmp when eret decided to make a faction against the egg and named it the knights of hope and puffy was one of them. puffy also used to be one of eret’s knights way back in the beginning as well LIKEEE. shes constantly trying to protect people she’s defensive she helps people she pours her entire being into the things she cares about. she’s so knight coded. there’s no other class for her i think. also the fact that it’s always eret who she’s the knight of. something something the unbreakable relationship between the space player and the knight who helped breed the genesis frog and the universe being built from their two hands etc etc. also remember her during the banquet after cfoolish was killed. i think if cpuffy had been allowed to shine during lore more like that she could have either fucked shit up or maybe fixed the entire server ngl. she’s THAT powerful i think. genuinely. she was so determined to make things better and if she’d been allowed to she could have gone down two paths: knocked some sense into everyone and rallied them all against a common enemy (cdream) and gotten rid of the biggest problem on the server, or snapped and set off the nukes herself in a wave of unbridled frustration. a knight of hope is a very powerful thing yk. and if cpuffy couldn’t reach her full potential in dsmp then BY GOD I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN IN DREAMSTUCK.

i feel like it would b a crime if i didn’t talk about. cWilbur. my little prospit dreamer destructive heart player meow meow <3 like u know how he is. he hates himself more than anything. he’s obsessed with himself. he knows he made something beautiful and amazing but also he thinks every single problem ever is his fault. he can’t stand himself. he regrets everything he’s ever done but if he did things differently maybe he wouldn’t be the same person he is now and that thought both elates him and terrifies him. dirk imploded with self hatred, and wilbur EXPLODES with it. he destroys other things with the contradicting force of his own identity. he dies and comes back RIGHT. but also wrong. very wrong. but it’s also the best he’s felt in decades. yk. he’s a walking juxtaposition and that’s so incredibly heart player of him.

ok ok this is getting long so i’m going 2 leave it at them for now. honourable mentions for classpects that drive me crazy go to: csam thief of heart, which makes me want to gnaw on plywood; ctechno prince of rage, because AUGH AIOAUBAIGH AISHkgGHH HRGHNGBGNNHN; cbad prince of blood, because oh my god. ohhhh my goD oh my god; and cponk sylph of mind, because urnghnghn *sounds of me chewing on styrofoam*

[chthonicmoons]

god finishing my recursion run just had me thinking about how bold the ending of transistor is from a storytelling perspective, but how much it pays off, as well... massive spoilers for the end of transistor under the cut (like fr please dont read if you are planning to play and dont know what happens at the end bc its such a visceral emotional experience to have without spoilers and i want that for all of u)

i think its the way they completely defy a traditional narrative. like you defeat royce, you can hear mr. nobody again, you've won. slowly you can start to rebuild cloudbank. even the music feels triumphant, the slow, inspirational guitar strumming that builds and swells as you cross the bridge. mr. nobody even prompts red on what she could do first, rebuild the canals, junction jan's... it's the logical next step. we won, now we rebuild. we return to the familiar, the life we've always known.

except the first thing red brings back after the statues on the bridge is mr. nobody's body. he tries to reassure her that while that's not him anymore, he'll always be with her, in the transistor. and then red hugs the transistor, and she puts it down, and she sits down next to his body. and we, as the player, lose all agency. we become one with mr. nobody, essentially - all we can do is watch in agonizing horror as red makes her choice.

and (at least in my experience the first time i played, and even to some degree in subsequent playthroughs) it doesn't feel good. we were supposed to save cloudbank, right? that's what this has always been about all along, hasn't it? but the game tells us, no, this isn't your story, or your choice. it's red's. it's been red's all along.

and for a second there's indignation, like, what do you mean we did all that for red to kill herself in the end? what do you mean the story ends there?

and then the scroll begins, and its all these memories, all these moments of red and mr. nobody before the camerata and all of this, and you start to realize - this is red's story, and this is what matters. this. him. them.

cloudbank is empty. everyone is dead. what would be the point in rebuilding a whole city that would remain just as empty? going even further, i think it also begs the question, if cloudbank was rebuilt and repopulated, who's to say this wouldn't happen again, years down the line? who's to say history wouldn't repeat itself?

and you realize what red sees inside the transistor, during the fight with royce, the potential she realizes, to make good on mr. nobody's desire to see her again, face to face. and at that point, its not even really a choice anymore. there's only one way this ends.

and i think its so bold because (at least in my experience) it's not immediately understood. it’s not straightforward. you have to wait a bit; you have to go along the same emotional journey as mr. nobody does. there's the horror, the shock, the sadness, the happy(ish) ending you expected ripped away from you, pulled out from under your feet. a feeling of betrayal, even. but as the scenes of their life together play out, and finally, you see him in the country, and there's red, and he says "hi", and you can guess what's about to happen but it still hits you like an 18-wheeler, and when red says "hey", you realize this is the most utterly joyful ending there could have been.

it's bold because it asks a lot of us, as a player, as an audience. it asks for a lot of trust and buy-in to the story, to red, to her autonomy and agency as a character, to her relationship with mr. nobody. and i know not everyone can give that, and i know there are people out there who were left upset or disappointed by the ending. but for me and i know for many, many others that can give that, it pays off spectacularly.

[m00ngbin]

mouthwashing for the ask gaaaame??

if youve even FINISHED IT YET

I DID. IT TOOK ME THREE WHOLE DAYS BUT I DID >:]

My favorite female character: it's Anya by default but it would've been anyways I think. Her whole situation drives me insane and I feel so awful for her. Driving me insane with her FINALLY taking agency and control back at the end and the way she does it is literally just her killing herself. Oughhhhhhhshhhhjskfkfjskkfnf. Also that scene when she first locks herself in the med bay and Daisuke is like "DONT WORRY JIMMYS HERE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE." I imagine she and curly were looking at each other like 😥. ALSO JUST THE FUCKING MISERY OF HAVING TO WALK AROUND AND LIVE WITH THE MAN THAT ASSAULTED YOU, THAT YOU KNOW IS SO DANGEROUS THAT YOU HAVE TO HIDE THE GUN, (an acted on hunch that was proven right after her death), THAT HAS BOTH DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY KILLED ALL OF YOU??? ughhgsjkdfjndkdjg :(

My fav male character: Daisuke or curly. INSANE ABOUT BOTH OF THEM. Daisuke. Useless goddamn ray of sunshine. WAILS. He was so sweet and he just wanted to get the approval and acceptance of the older adults around him and by god he did everything he could. AND IT GOT USED AGAINST HIM. HE DIED BECAUSE OF IT. HE DIED BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO MAKE SWANSEA PROUD :( AND CURLY. CURLYYYY IM INSANE ABOUT HIM. He just has to lay there and watch the consequences of his inaction play out in real time, and he is at the mercy of the Danger he let keep walking around. And he just wants to go home, man :((( God. Also like the horrors of your autonomy and choice being forcefully ripped away from you in every way possible. Jesus fucking christ

My fav (?): I'm going with like. Chapters? Idk I'm calling every time the pov changes a chapter. I went SO insane over the one where curly was trying to find the gun and Anya tells him she's pregnant and he's like what??? Who- and she just says I told you. I HAD TO TAKE THE BIGGEST FUCKING BREAK, TWO PEOPLE CAN ATTEST TO HOW FUCKING INSANE I WENT ABOUT THAT PART. MADE ME SICK AND CRAZY

My favorite cast member: I don't think this one really works for this

My favorite ship: I don't understand people that ship mouthwashing characters, it just feels weird and I do not think that this is the game to be doing that. But peace and love to anyone that does I just don't get it

A character I'll die defending: Anya. Forever. She never actually did anything wrong and even if she HAD I wouldn't care. On the front lines defending her. I'm her most dedicated soldier

Character I can't sympathize with: let's be real. It's Jimmy. I don't even have to tell you why, literally every single thing he does is the worst and for his own gain and he does NOTHING but shift the blame onto other people and he even convinces himself that it's NOT his fault and it never has been. Poor, poor Jimmy. Bitchass. What's the thing polle said. Uhhh OH Poor you. Caged and misunderstood. I genuinely cannot pick a thing I hate him the most for, and frankly I don't think it matters WHAT I hate more

A character I grew to love: SWANSEA. I was originally just ok with him, but if he was a mold growing on me then buddy I got the worst hay fever you've ever seen. Because you can get hay fever from being around mold too much. I don't think that makes any sense but I adore him. Grumpy old(er) man my dearest

My anti otp (notp): I still don't get any ships in mouthwashing bc I don't think this is the game for that and it's all super beside the point, but anything with Jimmy. Obviously. And I get SUPER iffy with anyone and Daisuke but ESPECIALLY Swansea. I know Daisuke is an adult but he's like 18-19. Maybe 20

[mamawasatesttube]

AND THAT'S A WRAP, FOLKS!!!!

so... which one was the lie?

(drumroll, please...)

"He once threw the Daily Planet globe at Superman."

congratulations to the 5.3% of you who got it right!!! kon has never thrown the globe at superman; i just made that one up bc it sounded funny. get bamboozled!!

as for the rest, explanations and citations below!!! :D

1. He tricked an intergalactic capitalist out of $10 billion in profits off a race.

superboy (1994) #58

yeah this one isnt all that out there comparatively, huh? still, its an arc i deeply enjoyed. demolition run my beloved. it's also just one i enjoy a lot bc it IS a moment of kon being a) really good at thinking on his feet, and b) understanding people he's just met. he calls himself stupid all the time, but he's actually pretty smart!!!

3. He condemned a cyborg woman to eternity floating in space, unable to die.

superboy (1994) #90

HOO BOY I LOVE IT WHEN HE GOES APE SHITT!!!!!!! this woman, amanda spence, is responsible for creating match as well as killing tana (can't blame her for that one lol) and also being a goddamn eugenicist. she's been hurting people kon loves for a long time by this point, and he Fucking Snaps.

"she said she didn't need to breathe. said she had no heart. said she couldn't die. fine by me. but she'll pay. she wants to be eternal... i give her eternity, floating in cold nothing." this is one of kon's most metal quotes ever, in my opinion.

4. He stole a baby and went on the run from the government.

superboy (1994) #88

this is arc is part of the leadup to "our worlds at war" and it is, imo, one of the best arcs in the entire run. guardian is dead, and somehow recloned into a baby, which is classified as property of cadmus and the us govt. but kon knows they're going to force him back into fighting, and he knows guardian's last wish was that he actually be allowed to die and rest, not just keep getting forced back into the battlefield. so he takes that baby and runs.

i love this arc bc it goes hard on a lot of sb94's "clone personhood and bodily autonomy" themes. the fucky thorny morality issues leading into wartime (can guardian's dying wish be used to deny earth an army against apokolips? etc) are handled fairly well and with proper weight, and it's just. ough. kon i have feelings about you.

5. He spent two months being enslaved by furries while on mind-control drugs.

superboy (1994) #50

i dont even know what to say abt this arc. it makes me insane. its SO fucked up if you think about it for more than 0.4 seconds (he was enslaved and kept on mind-altering drugs for TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT and then was so lonely he immediately forgave the people who enslaved him.) but also like... furries????????? lol????

6. He vocally supports his gay superhero friend, who has an alien boyfriend.

superboy and the ravers #13, #19

these two pages are from different issues of the ravers, but refer to the same character: hero cruz!! i love him. he's a gay black man who realizes he's gay, breaks up with his girlfriend, and gets an alien boyfriend. his ex doesn't take it well and spews a lot of homophobia for the rest of the run, but kon defends him against her. which is notable to me bc this comic was written in the late 90s.

in general i just love the ravers. theyre a good squad!!! gay rights.

7. A canon alternate universe version of him is a cowboy named Kid Kon-El.

superboy (1994) #64

hypertime arc my BELOVED. this is one of my other fav arcs in sb94!! kon goes on a multiverse-hopping adventurer to stop a conqueror named black zero from trying to subjugate as many realities as he can get his hands on. there are a bunch of alternate timeline kons in here, including our beloved robin kon who took up the mantle after his tim's untimely death. look at kid kon-el and his legendary telekinetic lasso. YEE-HAW!

8. He got into a fistfight with Kara Zor-El's mother.

supergirl (2005) #51

now in kon's defense, alura started it. ksdjhfkjds

this is part of the last stand of new krypton event!!! it's a bit of an undertaking but the story is really fun. the entire new krypton saga is dear to me (although. i have not read war of the supermen and i dont know if i ever will have the strength to. they turned the fucking sun red i gotta leave.)

for those unaware, alura zor-el survived the destruction of krypton because she and her husband were in the city of kandor, which got bottled by brainiac. when clark rescued kandor from him, they (and another ~100k kryptonians) were freed! "new krypton" is the story where that happens. its Good.

9. When homeless, he ended up living in a part of Metropolis called "Suicide Slum".

superboy (1994) #94

if youre thinking "hey. this sucks?" you're right. that's a homeless 16yo getting drawn in by a predatory landlord and its played for laughs. its also not the worst part of this issue! dan didio when i get my hands on you.

after the end of "our worlds at war", cadmus, where kon had been living since he left hawaii (after furry slavery arc, actually), disappeared. the research went underground and the facilities were abandoned. kon was homeless and living out of yj headquarters. after a fight with cassie, he decided to find his own place to live. this... is the direction didio went with it. it's not great. after 6 issues, the run got cancelled and in issue #100 (the last one), superman finds out kon's been living in the goddamn suicide slum and goes hey. no. and takes him to live on the kent farm instead.

10. He has a special hand-stamp that teleports him to an intergalactic rave.

superboy and the ravers #1

hell yeah baby!! the hand-stamps are an integral plot point during the genesis event that happens partways through this run. their instantaneous teleportation capability is a whole Thing.

this is the second part of my pitch to get more people to read ravers btw. it's just fun!! theyre silly!! also the first half of it has the prettiest kons ever. ♥

11. He never actually watched Star Wars because it was downloaded into his head at Cadmus.

adventures of superman #506

MAN people really thought this one was fake!!! i was surprised, i thought more people had seen this panel or heard of people talking about aos#506. i probably live in an insulated superboy bubble.

but yeah! cadmus canonically downloaded star wars into his brain in the tube. he also references star trek at the end of this issue, implying that was also downloaded in there, given that he's barely been alive for a few weeks at this point.

12. He discovered a magic zombie collective city under a silo in Smallville.

superboy (2011) #8

sb11 my beloved. this run is just kon having small town adventures and its soooo dear to me. he basically acquires a gang of small town closeted queers in high school. like, what closeted small town gay hasnt done that?? i know i have.

my fav detail about the first page i cited here is that while poor simon and sajan are walking down all those stairs, kon and krypto are just fucking floating down the middle of the stairwell. ldkjflkdjl

okay yippee thats it!!! thanks for reading!!! if you want to talk abt any of these (or other kon facts) my askbox is always open for kon :)

i got bit by the "two eleven truths and a lie" bug, so heres a lil quiz!!

if you follow me you PROBABLY know the answer. or at least can rule several of these out. but hey if you know, don't say it until the poll's over!!! rb and tag with what you guessed/if you Know, i wanna see if i made it too easy :3

*11th choice should say "at Cadmus", it got cut off and i didn't notice and i can't edit the poll :(

[catboyithaqua]

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

[shadowboom500]

ayyyyyy this sounds a lot like smth that happened to me a while back, so desbea if this is you.

tldr: if this is who i think it is, i cared about you but i left bc your "passing comment" made me feel utterly unsafe around you for your compete lack of respect for my bodily autonomy. this is an ESH situation bc i was admittedly an ass about the whole thing and could def have handled it better.

i will readily admit i did some shitty things and didnt let the argument go when i should have just ended the friendship peacefully. we had fundamentally different views that couldn't be resolved, even if we cared about each other deeply.

even my "im not your therapist" comments were intended to be "im a guy your age doing his best with other shit on his plate. ill do my best and will listen and advise but you need a professional and i am not that" and im sorry i wasnt clearer.

however, what was a passing comment for you was about these fundamentally incompatible views. i wont say what this was, as i made a goddamn promise that i will keep, and it'll bias the votes.

we argued about it multiple times, but we had a pinned agreement that "i want to stop this conversation" that we agreed would always be respected. you did not use it, at least not that i remember. i did, you were aware we could have stopped the debate any time. you could have started a discussion about how you didnt want to keep doing this. im sorry if you didnt feel safe to do so but im not psychic and i didnt know you wanted to stop bc you did not tell me.

and the final straw was you telling me that you would have no issue forcing me to go through a situation that i considered worse than death, with full awareness about just how much "worse than death" meant to me.

i felt horrendously violated and unsafe continuing to be friends with you while you held such a belief and told you as such, and THAT was what caused the insulting including "go fuck yourself with a cactus" and "cant see past your own fucking self-righteous nose", before i muted you and started barely talking to you. i "shunned" you because i was uncomfortable continuing to be around you but didnt have the energy or understanding of how to end things, bc we were both teenagers and this was my first friendship breakup.

eventually however i had the energy and told you what i was so hurt by, and either you would apologise for that or id end the friendship for my own safety/comfort.

you proceeded to guilt trip the hell out of me for it, whether consciously or not, and give me a half-assed apology about how you were "sorry i was hurt by what you said".

i responded by telling you, admittedly less than tactfully that that wasnt an apology, that was you being sorry your actions had conseqeunces you didnt like. (again. i was asking you to apologise for telling me youd be fine with forcing me to go through a fate i considered worse than genuinely killing myself.) i also said a comment i regret for being not what i meant about me "not wanting to hate you", when i meant i outright didnt hate you.

you started insulting me and then i blocked you.

i genuinely cared about and supported you, you were someone i considered a close friend and i dont regret knowing you or caring about you. you had abandonment issues and i promised i wouldnt leave you, but if you tell all your friends that even though theyd consider a certain fate the worst imaginable for them youd be down with forcing them through it, i can see why they left.

so yeah. im not a great person and should have handled this better, but fucking hell man.

AITA for ditching my best friend and not believing what they say?

My former best friend was great. We were the same age. We just got each other, and they never seemed to think I was weird as they were also autistic. They would regularly tell me they loved me and I trusted them. I trusted them to keep their word and to not be hypocritical, as they were also my confidant.

Not too long ago we got into an argument over a passing comment I had made about myself. They ended when they either took a break or I "won," but it didn't feel like winning. I was calm while they weren't afraid of insulting me. I thought we had agreed to disagree; I thought the best of them. But then they admitted that they would post things out of spite and ignore me even though they made a vent post about the same situation happening to them? (On this occasion they talked behind that person's back to a bunch of other people, then later said they talked it out)

Then they wanted me to "repent" about something i said a few months ago as a hypothetical, as in "an apology isn't enough" even though they already admitted beforehand that i was right and they agreed with me. They used our friendship as a bargaining chip. I don't know if it's related but they knew I had abandonment issues.

I was torn about choosing between my morals and their friendship. They were everything to me. I replied and left the internet for a few months, especially because they told me to leave the situation if I couldn't handle it. It was hard knowing that my depression before that incident was probably because they would regularly talk down to me and start arguments seemingly at random. I always responded to them and would send messages if they were "out of energy," when in reality they were shunning me.

It's a few months later and whenever I hear about anything they do I don't believe it at all, like them taking awhile to do something for a mutual friend. I don't even believe what they said before, that they loved me.

I feel bad about running away. I was having a breakdown and should've handled it better, but I fled like a coward. I also feel bad about the confidant thing--I was a burden for letting it show. They would sometimes say "I'm not your therapist" but also they were the one who inspired me to talk to people. (And they never said to stop telling them about myself)

It feels unfair to assume they're always wrong, too. Love to me is piecing together your friends like a puzzle and maybe not agreeing with them, but understanding.

I can't help but think they never loved me and instead wanted validation? Maybe I'm too harsh or I'm not understanding it, but the friendship was so bad at that point that I would barely flinch at the insults and instead compliment their "creativity." I hate to admit it, but I thought that them blowing up at me was... a privilege. Trusting me enough to show their true colors. I'll always remember how kind they were to me and I know I'll never find anyone else like them.

But still, AITA for running away? For unfairly assuming that they never tell the truth? One situation doesn't account for everything, right?

What are these acronyms?

[teamjacobthot]

Let’s say that you died and reincarnated into the Twilight Universe. You wake up the day you leave Arizona to go to Forks as Bella Swan (You’re still you, just in her body/living through her life). Would you try to live your life like canon so you don’t mess anything up? Or would you change events (ex. Date Jacob or anyone else instead, warn Jacob about the future, confront the Cullens, etc.) and risk getting killed in this once in a lifetime Twilight reincarnation?

first of all let me just say that this is the best anon ask i’ve ever gotten. i love you for this!!! <3 <3 <3

my response is after the jump!

i have thought long and hard about this ask. there’s a lot of scenarios ive considered and then i wrote down several that were all long as fuck and too detailed for tumblr lmao. and after continuing to think about it, i honestly dont know!!! if i had information that could prevent the la push teens from phasing, i would utilize it, but the only way for that to happen would be for the cullens to move away, and i have a strong feeling that they wouldn’t bc of their selfishness. warning the la push teens about what would happen to them MIGHT be okay, but it would not prevent it from happening. 

HOWEVER if theres no way to get the cullens to leave and i managed to fall in love with edward and vice versa, i’d just play the canon game and do twilight but a lil better. i would be genuine friends with jacob instead of using him for tribe info (which is so gross!!!!!!). i wouldn’t entertain edward’s emo shit bc i dont have time. i would insist on my birthday presents being BAGGED and not WRAPPED, but if the cullens ended up leaving in new moon anyway i’d steal their shit and give it to jacob and billy. i would also get therapy. assuming imprinting is still a thing, i don’t think i would date jacob as much as i would want to bc as much as i love leah and relate to her, i am NOT built to have my bf fall in love with somebody else without somebody getting fucked up in the process. i wouldnt let jacob pick up the mf phone in new moon so i wouldnt have to go to italy. i would also establish boundaries with jacob and understand that being friends with him while still being with edward while STILL letting jacob have autonomy couldnt happen. i would also make sure edward pulls out on the honeymoon lmao. oh and i would make sure the final battle in breaking dawn takes place in like the arctic circle or some shit. but in the end i would still feel like shit for the la push teens phasing bc of my bf and his family whereas bella never felt bad for that at ALL. like morally, i cannot get around that. i just can’t.

so basically, if i were reincarnated as bella, i think i would feel like shit the entire time, but i would at least try to fuck shit up. smeyer’s world was built to benefit the cullens and the cullens only tho so she can keep it.

ik my response was probably a letdown, but tysm anon! i hope you get to ask this to somebody with a little less morals than me so you can get a better answer LMAOOOO

[souljournaler]

shadow check-in

here's some notes from checking in with my shadow. they've been a bit loud lately, & it's starting to become distracting. this is our conversation. I'm blue, shadow is red

whoa hey that's a lot of space you're taking up in here

and whose fault is that?

yeah ok well there's a lot of stuff happening right now in the world thats stressful

yeah well u can't save everyone

I'm not trying to save everyone

sure jan

so what's up? you seem to need my attention a bit more right now

you can't just pop in to say hi?

I'm literally doing that right now actually

ok ok ok so listen listen

fuck you

please tell me what's up

(career doubts due to feelings of personal inadequacy) & (fear of f*sc*st p*l*ce st*te)

idk why you even bother with a career, the collapse of the empire is coming. besides, no one wants your advice, & you've got no other skills. why would people keep you around when everything is going to shit? especially when u benefited from oppressive systems for so long & even strived for a seat at their table? do you even deserve to stay around?

man you know like most of that isn't true, but do i hear you're afraid of being abandoned by people you love who you've put a lot of energy into building relationships with. why do you think they'd abandon you? we have lots of cool friends who have stayed around they all the hard times.

no YOU have friends that love YOU. and theyre only going to stay until things get TOO bad, and then theyll decide we're a lost cause. especially when they see me

we're the same person mate. & the lads have seen you. & theyre still around

most ppl leave though

and plenty will. it sux but it is what it is. you of all people know better than anyone we can't please everyone, where's that energy now?

ok ok shut up fuck you, i get it

ok i have a question for you now

ya?

why are you afraid that something is gonna take over that we can't control?

cuz it might make me do something that scares other people, & you'd never let me hear the end of it if that happened. you'd probably even tell me it was our fault.

lol thats true. you already scare people enough without being hijacked by a scary entity though, so what's the problem?

LOL thats true. i wouldn't want to accidentally hurt someone though

again, you already do that without being hijacked

fuck ok yeah ig thats tru. i just would rather have my wits about me if I'm gonna do something stupid.

i feel like not being conscious or fully in control of your actions is probably a good excuse though if something were to happen

dude

no

why not

dude. autonomy

so you'd rather actually choose to hurt someone while fully present for your mistake?

that's kind of warped. is it a choice if it's an accident?

hm. guess not. is it really an accident if you choose to do the thing that caused it?

i think you just answered your question

so you'd channel again? full shift?

I'd like to. i don't really have an occasion though

you don't really need an occasion

i feel like i need an occasion

why

...

you could just be chilling

who would i even channel?

you could channel me 😈

i could. what would you have us do?

[redacted]

ok see, that is exactly why im afraid of full shift channeling, cuz you might do some shit like that!

I'm just kidding! unless...?

no. no [redacted] yet

yet!!!

yet. see this is why i have to rely on our higher self so much

i actually think [redacted] is a good idea if you're trying to [redacted]

please don't, that's really not helping right now

right right, ok, bye

bye

bye bitch

so you're afraid that whatever spirit we channel is gonna exploit my energy to make you do stupid shit?

yes

lol, again, u dont need me to do stupid shit, you'll do that all on your own

thanks

i just mean, the fear is pointless. at the very least, you don't have to be afraid of me, specifically, making you do stupid shit. you stop me all the time, even when our state of consciousness is hella altered. i TRY to get you to do stupid shit while we're out of it. sometimes i succeed, but if we end up too fucked up, even when you're literally unconscious, you know who steps in every time?

higher self?

higher self. remember that time we were drugged?

yes. i mean no. but yes

the driver's seat was wide open then. & higher self stepped in to protect us

that's nice of them

yes. "nice." 😬 anyway i can't rly answer for other spirits outside of us, since i still always have u falling for my bullshit (lol btw. you have GOT to stop doing that, or keep doing it, idc) but i think we're stronger than you give us credit for. between me & higher self, we wouldn't let anything happen to us. you need to trust us more.

ok. that's actually really nice, shadow. thanks

yeah, you know, it's just true, ok? you don't have to thank me for stating a fact

shadow you know you can just take the compliment right?

fuck you. anyway just, if you wanna channel, just do it

but ppl might think im weird & crazy!

ppl literally already think you're weird & crazy, get over it

you know we care a lot about what ppl think.

no. we don't. we care about someone sending cops after us.

ok true. what do you say about that tho?

easy, don't talk to cops

yes bc that's SO easy in these united states of america

ok ok, i hear you. so let's think, what IF the cops came to get us for channeling? all someone would have to do is claim you're violent or a danger to urself & others, then what? death by cop?

that's the fear, yup

what, so you're afraid of being murdered by a cop?

yes

hm. well, i would just [redacted] in that case

which would probably get us killed faster, actually

maybe! ok probably. what if they took us though? what would happen then?

probably a mandatory 72 hours, maybe longer if they wanted to keep us locked up

& we've gotten thru that before, right?

right. it's worse now though than when we were a teen

what are you afraid of there? other than being held against our will longer than the mandatory 72 hours, of course

you know, same shit grandma went thru. sedation, r*pe, & shock "therapy"

why would they do that to us though?

idk, i might not be able to mask that long & have a meltdown or smth. also not much we could do if one of the employees was a r*pist.

ok yeah that would suck. how likely is that actually, though? or are you just scared because of confirmation bias?

probably confirmation bias.

ok well then maybe realize that's not a likely enough scenario for u to spend so much energy on a block of fear like that. we don't need it right now. if it ever becomes useful, it'll still be here for one of us to put it back. but for now, what do you want to do?

i want to be able to channel again, full shift

ok then. I'll hang onto this block until we need it, if ever. ok?

ok

thanks. i know you & higher self will keep me safe

yeah, whatever. you'd better.

ok im a bit tuckered out from that. good convo though, i think

toodles

Sol

[ronanlyncx]

the best parts of the dream thieves (featuring me crying pt. 2)

part one

- “Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” 

- Ronan’s second secret #gay

- Gansey: “i would have thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminist have big muscles?” i just want to punch him can someone please punch him

- gansey calling ronan an incredible creature #gay 

- “The elderly made ronan anxious” bitch me too!!!

- Ronan wanting to race kavinsky in the pig and adam is like dude no there is like 5 people in here we weigh too much and ronan goes: “noah doesn’t count” “Hey!” “You’re dead!” i love these nerds

- Gansey: “am I in your dreams?” Ronan: “Oh yes, baby” i hate him jsjksksk

- “Ronan sometimes dreamt of Adam, too” #gay

- Gansey and Ronan going to get orange juice at 3:32 am 

- “Unlike some people, my sense of worth isn’t tied into my occupation.” “Ooooooh,” Orla crowed… she traded her Henrietta accent for a gloriously snotty version of the Old South. “Someone’s been hanging out with Richard Campbell Gansey the third too much.” orla just came for blue’s life holy shit 

- “Jane!” “It’s a wizard in box.” “It will do your homework.” “And it’s been dating your girlfriend.” “Are you all drunk?” hey quick question wtf am i reading

- “Why is the tea so good here?” “I spit in it” Blue Sargent is an icon

“Blue Sargent was pretty in a way that was physically painful to him. He was attracted to her like a heart attack.” not to sound like a cheesy white lady or anything but this shit breathtaking bro

- “What do you want, Adam? What do you need, Adam?… Freedom, autonomy, a perennial bank balance, a stainless steel condo in a dustless city, a silky black car, to make out with Blue, eight hours of sleep, a cell phone, a bed, to kiss Blue just once, a blister-less heel, bacon for breakfast, to hold Blue’s hand, one hour of sleep, toilet paper, deodorant, a soda, a minute to close his eyes. What do you want, Adam? To feel awake when my eyes are open.” PROTECT THIS ANGEL GET HIM SOME TOILET PAPER WTF (also notice how what he wants continues to drop in difficulty to acquire this is so sad i’m literally a mess) 

- “You be careful, Adam Parrish. ‘Cause one day you might get what you ask for. There might be girls in Henrietta who’ll let you talk to them like that, but i’m not one of them.” i really love this woman

- “He [Gansey] was bare-legged and sockless in his Top-Siders and very clearly a real human, an attainable human, and this, somehow, made Ronan want to smash his fist through a wall” #gay

-  “Adam thinks he saw an apparition at his place” Ronan eyed Noah, “I’m seeing an apparition right now.” this entire relationship is just ronan roasting noah have you ever seen anything so pure

- Noah freaking out about the glitter in the snowglobe #angel

- Ronan paying Adam’s rent i am alive

- Gansey comparing Blue to a platypus

- “He threw me out the window!” “You’re already dead!” amazing

- Blue wanting to get Adam high so he can relax seriously someone let this boy take a nap

- Noah: “Is crack the same thing as speed?” 

- Ashley not going into St. Agnes bc she “refuses to participate in a ceremony that doesn’t allow equal spiritual privileges to women”  NICE

- Ronan dreaming kavinsky a replica of his white sunglasses after kavinsky gave him a copy of ronan’s leather bands #pettygay

- “and he was the boy with the most beautifully interesting car and the most savagely handsome of friends, Ronan Lynch” #gay

- Gansey: “I love this car. I should buy four more of them. I’ll just open the door of one and fall into the other. One can be a living room, one can be by kitchen, I’ll live in one…” what...the fuck

- Declan coming to give gansey a new battery for the pig and Ronan actually doing the most™ “He hurriedly sprawled back in the seat, throwing one jean-covered leg over the top of Adam’s and laying his head in a posture of thoughtless abandon. By the time Declan arrived, Ronan looked as if he had been asleep for days.” this is so extra omfgggg

- “His [Declan’s] gaze followed his brother’s leg to where it rested on top of Adam’s, and his expression tightened.” dude ronan even your brother is noticing your crush u gotta do better

- Gansey thinking that Ronan tried to kill himself after all this time and then finding out that Ronan was attacked by a dream demon thing #shook

- Gansey and Ronan fighting a different dream demon thing with a box cutter and a crowbar how are these children alive 

- “She [Blue] wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.” This is the least subtle homosexuality metaphor i have ever read in my life (also: Gansey crushing on Blue #nice)

- refer to this post 

- “Let’s just go on before Gansey has time to say something that makes me hate him” lmao

- “The air was stained permanently with the pleasant odor of Ronan’s childhood: hickory smoke and boxwood, grass and seed and lemon cleaner. ‘I remember,’ Gansey said thoughtfully to Ronan, ‘when you used to smell like this’” #gay

- Dream toaster

- “I am being perfectly fucking civil” #iconic

- “Don’t fucking swear” #iconic pt 2

- Calla preforming arial yoga through the continuation of Ronan’s reading 

- The entire time they are on the boat adam and gansey have the biggest hard-ons for orla and blue wants to die/kill them and ronan is disgusted 

- ronan complains about the heat like 600 times i love my dramatic son

- Gansey finding the skin of blue’s calf more “tantalizing” than orla’s entire torso boiiiii if u dont get!!!!!

- “Blue cheerfully spit a mouthful of brown water on his boat shoes.” she’s doing god’s work

- “He was struck by what a glorious and fearless animal Blue Sargent was.” I’m emo

- “Gansey, pacing next to his ruined miniature Henrietta, set his eyes on Ronan. There was something intense and heedless in them. There were many versions of Gansey, but this one had been rare since the introduction of Adam’s taming presence.” The fact that adam calms gansey down is so pure and i cannot believe this is canon (also: blue also calms gansey down... i love my bisexual son)

- Gansey being badass asf when him and ronan go to confront kavinsky about breaking in the apartment and ronan going super heart-eyes 

- also i am convinced that this scene is dick’s bi awakening

- “…Gansey leaving for D.C. without him was unbearable. They had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reason’s why he couldn’t say it” #GAY

- “While i’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” #REALLYGAY

- no one in fox way can work a cellphone maura literally had to get blue to make the gray man’s voicemail work

- Ronan blowing a kiss to gansey and adam when they are flying away in the helicopter i fucking hate him jsjsjs

- Helen asking if Adam wants to go into the whole foods with her and adam just stares at her. me too buddy

- “’Pigmy Pouters. Feisty ones!’ Gansey mouthed Blue at Adam. Adam let out a little wail of helpless laughter.” adam parrish laughing: a concept

-  Blue finally admitting to herself that she likes Gansey while laying in his bed

- “I’d ask you out, if i was alive” “i’d say yes” :(((((

- the fact that adam’s dad actually pushed my manz down the stairs at one point i will personally fight robert parrish

- “This is Adam Parrish. Shake his hand. He’s more clever than I am. One day we’ll be throwing one of these shindigs for him.” MY HEART

- Adam literally filling up a whole page describing helen #bi

- when helen asks why ronan wasn’t with them, adam and gansey both get the mental image of the house burning down lmao

- “you gonna race with those shades on, you Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit?” he’s so elegant with words!!!1111!!!

- Ronan thinking Kavinsky is beautiful um this is gross but #gay 

- Gansey calling Blue to calm him down just because she makes him feel “uneven and shattered” im fucking emo

- Kavinsky calling gansey literally anything BUT his name: “Dick three” “dick dick dick” “Dickie”

- Ronan figuring out how to master his dreams and then leaving kavinsky #scammer

- to be honest i cannot believe helen and gansey managed to convince adam about the hondoyota with the literal SKIT they used 

- “HEY, OLD MAN!” “Ronan!” ANGELS

- ronan apologizing for wrecking the pig and Gansey actually not believing his ears.

- “Hey, Churchill tried to negotiate with hitler.” “Did he?” don’t argue with boat shoe about history this man will rip you to shreds

- pink switchblade

- “Times circular, chicken”

- BLUE GOING OFF ON ADAM IM JUST ABOUT TO QUOTE THE WHOLE ROAST

- THE WHOLE ROAST: “Politics! I have no interest. Voting? What? I forgot my apron. I think I ought to be in the kitchen right now, actually. My rolling pin-” “i didn’t know that you-” “thats my point! did it even occur to you? You wouldn’t have gone someplace without Gansey, though. You two make a grand couple! kiss him! (lmao) Well, i don’t want to be just someone to kiss. I want to be a real friend, too. Not just someone who’s fun to have around because- because I have breast!” GO OFF BITCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Adam calling Blue a raging feminist like do boys not know that this is a complement like yes this is the angle i am going for thanks for noticing

- Gansey and Blue’s first drive together #i #am #emo

- “Jane, in this light you... Jesus. Jesus. I’ve got to get my head straight.” MURDER ME

- When Adam woke up at fox way after being asleep for 24 hours or whatever he drank four glasses for pomegranate juice and three cups of tea and then left in the span of ten minutes. i know sometimes these kids act like they are 50 years old but....this is a teenage boy 

- “It was against Ronan’s nature to appear overly interested in anything.” HES SO EXTRA 

- Grey man: “But it wasn’t personal.” Ronan: “It. Was. To. Me.” :((((((((((( also i’m pretty sure neil josten said the same thing to that police officer one time i love parallels. 

- “when ronan thought of gansey, he thought moving into monmouth manufacturing, of nights spent in companionable insomnia, of a summer searching for a king, of gansey asking for the grey man for his life. Brothers.” kill. me. 

- kavinsky dying #goodshit 

[opendoorlorien]

What are your thoughts on Camilla?

Camilla is, without much doubt, the most controversial and infamous character in all of Fates, mostly because of her design lol. It’s clear that the creator’s intention for her was to make her the ultimate FE waifu fetish character. I mean she’s got it all, doesn’t she? Big boobs, long hair, curvaceous figure, goth aesthetic, extreme devotion to the MC (you), a cool battle class with axes and magic,  softcore familial implications for…… those kinds of people. As far as appealing to the consumer’s fetishes is concerned, she is the perfect storm. And because of this she garners quite lot of love and hate from both sides. And maybe it’s because of my natural impulse to want to stick up for something that gets hate on a lot, but…….. I love Camilla LOL.

This isn’t ALWAYS the case but generally when I see a character getting hate on a lot, it makes me want to defend them or like them (that impulse kicks in for Faye as well, who has a few of the characteristics that Camilla does). But of course this isn’t the only reason why I like Camilla. I just… do. And I have since she was first revealed.

And I actually like Camilla a lot more than her spiritual predecessor Tharja for a few reasons. One being Camilla is actually a good mom, and her devotion for MU makes sense considering she sees you as family, while Tharja just came off as a creepy child abusing stalker. lolbye.

Character wise, well, much like the other royal sisters on both sides, Camilla gets hardcore side lined and disregarded generally in favor of development for the male characters. And this is honestly a shame because I see Camilla as a character with a lot of interesting potential that is never really attempted to be reached. Especially in Birthright (since all the royal fam members got their most shocking or interesting development in their opposite route. Like Xander gets his good end in Conquest but his most memorable character stuff is in Birthright. The same is true with Leo, and Ryoma and Takumi in Conquest (while they didnt do much of anything in BR)).

And the same can also be said for Camilla in Birthright, where the worst possible thing that could happen to her, happens to her. She loses Corrin (and the rest of her family (sans Leo)).

I actually would have liked to know more about Camilla’s past, even in just supports you know. (When in reality it’s only very vaguely touched on in a few unsatisfying ways. We just know the incredibly vague and unhelpful “it wasn’t gud lol” yeah but like HOW) I kind of want to know more about why she’s so obsessive and what her life was like before the game started (sure the implications are there but I kind of want it to be actually talked about so when you say stuff about her past it’s more than just REACHING). 

Because we know so little about where she’s coming from, when any sort of character development or arc is attempted with her in BR it falls kinda flat. Now of course this isn’t the only reason why her “character arc” doesn’t work out. The other one being, of course, bad writing. Now I think all of us know by now that the reason why Fates ultimately fell apart in the end was because the creators bit off WAYYYY more than they could chew. I think they thought a three route game sounded much better on paper than it did when they were actually making the thing (at least we got good gameplay). When you play Fates, the corner cutting littered throughout all three routes in varying measures is APPARENT. And character development for our female characters is one of those instances.

Now, this is japan. When the question is posed “hey we dont have enough time to give all eight of these characters decent arcs and development” and you can only give it to either the brothers or the sisters, the sisters unfortunately are going to get the short end of the stick here. Camilla and Elise are only a few steps above Hinoka and Sakura in terms of story involvement or their own personal character arcs. They don’t have a lot, but there’s something at least. (Or at least where you compared it to Hinoka and Sakura who got, like, NOTHING).

Camilla’s arc in Birthright is hardly anything to talk about. It had interesting potential if you think about it a bit, but the second it tries to take a step it just falls flat on its face. Camilla’s initial reaction to Corrin defecting to Hoshido makes sense. Because if you think about it a little bit, the Nohr family’s situation in Birthright is kind of really tragic. The Nohr family have become used to Corrin being a part of their family after all of these years. The Hoshifam lost Corrin YEARS ago, and while the wound of that loss is still there of course, when you see them in game in Conquest you can tell that they’re still holding it together. They’ve spent years feeling that loss, coping with it, and moving on from it. Sure they still want Corrin to be part of their family, but if Corrin is gone again its not going to destroy them (Takumi is kind of an exception, and it was more than just the loss of Corrin which sent him off the deep end). The Nohr family is a bit of a different case here because Corrin has become a kind of linchpin for them. Keeping in mind Nohr is a shitplace with a shitking who abuses his children and such, we know full well Xander and the others have not had much of a good time growing up. I think their one small light in that darkness WAS Corrin for them. And in Birthright when that light disappears it makes their family fall apart. Elise even says so, and we get to see the full effects of it when running in to each Nohr family member in turn.

NOW ABOUT CAMILLA, of course, since she’s so obsessed with Corrin, she’s going to be feeling this loss hard too. So her acting a little crazy, looney and malicious in Birthright is uh… to be expected. Chapter 13 in BR is kind of a good chapter for her actually. I don’t mind her craziness, and having her attempt to slaughter you all makes for an interesting battle set up if anything. The main problem with this chapter I have is how it ends. Because it ends kind of well. After you beat Camilla, Corrin tries to talk to her and explain Garon tried to kill you in Hoshido and has set all this shit up. And uh Camilla seems for a moment like she’s willing to listen to you. And we get the impression she WOULD have maybe listened to you and maybe even become your ally in some way if Leo and Ryoma hadn’t shown up.

Which is why Camilla’s utter refusal to listen to you or Elise in her return in chapter 23 is just eye rolling to me. I know she’s regressed further into her crazy, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense for her to do that when she seemed totally willing to listen and compromise with me at the end of chapter 13. Just reeks of bad writing for a character they didnt have the time or effort to devote any work into. Because of this (and her throwing meteors in my face) chapter 23 just ends up being really eye rolling and annoying to me, and I don’t feel much of anything when Camilla just passes out at the end of the fight to remain subsequently sidelined and uninvolved in what’s going on for the rest of the route. 

Also in the BR ending she seems a bit too okay with everything that happened. She’s like “ohoho congrats on the coronation lolol corrin u are so happi with ur hoshido fambil lol” and everything BUT YO. YOU KNOW SHE IS NOT OK. SHE JUST LOST LIKE HER ENTIRE GD FAMILY. YOU KNOW SHE’S GOING TO GO HOME AND KERMIT. SHE’S NOT OKAY

I’ve also seen a few people bring up the hypothetical of Camilla becoming Queen of Nohr at the end of BR instead of Leo. This is a nice idea in theory, but considering Camilla’s character, it just doesnt hold any water to me. Don’t get me wrong, I get the appeal, but Camilla never wanted to be involved in royal affairs and the like in the first place. In fact I get the impression she only stayed in Nohr with the others bc she loved her family so much. She just doesn’t have the makings of a queen in her. She’s a maternal figure. (Besides Leo is the perfect set up for king of nohr after Xander)

SO while any character arc or development she had was kind of swept aside, I actually do like what character she has. I like her air of maturity, her maternal side, her capable big sister vibes, and YA I even like her sadistic, cold blooded ruthless side (I kind of have a thing for female yanderes somehow LOL). Honestly I hope she kills me. TBH, I welcome it.

She’s really fun to read about in her supports tbh, how she seems professional and in control of almost every situation and never really loses hold of her emotions or composure. I just really like the way she is. Which I guess is why all of her fetish stuff doesnt bother me at all. I hardly even notice it. 

NOW ABOUT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN.k I put off talking about this till the end bc its the thing you ALWAYS hear people saying about Camilla, that she has a stupid, unpractical and fetishy design. AND YOU KNOW WHAT. YA SHE DOES. BUT YOU ALSO KNOW WHAT. IT DOESNT BOTHER ME IN THE SLIGHTEST. 

I know there are some people who have a lot of strong opinions on Camilla’s design, and will use that as a sole reason to completely disregard and knock down everything about her. Personally, I think those people are taking things a bit too seriously. Like, its FAN SERVICE. As far as I’m concerned, not all fan service is bad. Having some titties out every now and then doesnt make the character a trashy 1 dimensional piece of shit. Like I’d be more bothered if almost every girl in this game had the titties out. But they dont so if some titties are out??? I dont mind TBH. Sometimes some titties need to be out.

I think the reason why this doesnt bother me is because it’s kind of what she’s going for? Yes I know she’s a fictional character who doesnt have autonomy and was designed with the ‘male gaze’ in mind and w/e. But she is just another in the “seductress” FE archetype. Much like Aversa in Awakening or Sonia in FE7, she’s designed to look and be a temptress. The only difference here is that Camilla isn���t entirely a villain. But her design doesnt bother me I suppose because it fits her personality and the archetype (while for example Effie’s god awful god forsaken boob plate and Nyx showing an unsettling amount of skin bother me more bc??? what business do they have looking like that? Effie is a heman who only cares about Elise and getting stronger for Elise. What is with the boob plate? Nyx is anti social and hates people? Wouldn’t she want to cover herself in a huge cloak or something???) 

but as far as Camilla is concerned, I DONT MIND THE TITTIES OUT. ID ONT MIND THE BOOB STRAP, I DONT MIND THE THONG AND OPEN THIGHS. I DONT MIND ANY OF IT. IN FACT, I LOVE IT. I THINK HER DESIGN IS GREAT AND I THINK SHE LOOKS GREAT. THAT’S ALL. THAT’S IT.

If anything, the only problems I do have is that weird… leg curtain… thing??? hanging off her hips??? Like it just makes me wonder how she’s supposed to sit on a wyvern with that in the way (some people bring up her wearing no pants is stupid when she’s riding a wyvern, but idk dudes maybe she has a padded saddle you dont know) and her weird knee pad things. They look really weird on her legs I’m not sure wtf is going on there. ALSO. Her armor proportions are kind of weird and it makes it hard to judge her proportions and stature. Her design if anything is kind of a bit cluttered and busy, though at the same time I wouldn’t really call her over designed, just she probably couldnt hurt to lose a few weird accessories.

But on the flip side I really love her hair design and horns are my aesthetic so I think her tiara looks really cool!!

All in all, I do love Camilla. I theoretically like Elise more, but tbh I fucking love the Nohr family in their entirety and I would die for each one of them 100x over so they may hate her all they want but I will ALWAYS LOVE MY BIG SIS.