#i dont want to learn about inertia

[delectableworm]

"That's it... Lick them all clean for me, sweetspark." Sentinel whimpered as he tried his best to clean up the mess he had made on the floor. He was told not to overload while you step on his spike but someone didn't listen and make a mess.

"You got my pedes dirty. Do you have any idea how long it took for me to buff that? To think I went through all the trouble of getting dolled up for you only to be repaid like this." You tugged the leash in your servo that was connected to his pink collar. A flashy colour for a flashy mech with your designation on it in cursive to show who he belonged to. Sentinel whimpered when he tugged forward again and grunted at your pede that you had lifted to his face, glossy optics glaring at you but you only tugged harder. "Lick."

It was one order. One command and it had him getting back to work quickly like a miner mining for energon. He put his glossa to use, licking your pede clean before moving to another one that you had graciously lifted to make his work easy for a good job. He licked that one clean too before it left his face and growled when you patted his helm while cooing at him.

"Aww, such a good boy, Sentinel. Obeying my command like a good pup? Yes, you are. Yes, you are." You scratched behind his finials and under his chin in a gentle manner that got him to lean into the touch despite his coding screaming for him not to.

It was humiliating but if he wanted to keep his image as the greatest Prime, he might just have to suck it up. Speaking of which, he felt your servos pulled away as you leaned back on his throne with legs spread for him. He could see your spike standing tall, bobbing with each movement while you made yourself comfortable.

"Now," Another tug that made him stumble on his knees until his face neared the piece, "get back to work."

[hskinhome]

may i get a tarot reading for my eridan ampora kintype ?? just about that kintype in general since i dont remember anything specific about that life, i wanna see if this may help .. thank you !! :]

Sure thing! I’ll use this spread and my Homestuck Kickstarter deck!

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First Card: Your past life as a whole

I got the upright Ace of Pentacles, which symbolizes financial and material increase, stability, security, practicality, material comfort, and physical beauty. The core of your timeline revolved around the wealth and opulence you experienced as a violetblood! You lived in luxury and always got your way, possibly due to being seen as physically desirable!

———————————–

Second Card: Theme of major challenges

I got the reversed Two of Cups, which symbolizes false love, folly, violent passion, disunity, and misunderstanding. While your material needs were satisfied, your relationships weren’t. You most likely had a pitch relationship that wasn’t as true as you wanted, or you had a matesprit that suffered from poor communication and disillusionment.

———————————–

Third Card: How you handled them, and their effects on you

I got the reversed Death card, which symbolizes disaster, inertia, revolution, anarchy, upheaval, and political change. This card implies to me that, much like canon, your relationship with Feferi didn’t work out. But instead of dealing with her one-on-one, you threw Alternia into a frenzy and called for her execution. “Not dealing with it well” is an understatement, as it threw Alternia’s government into complete disarray, causing everything to fall apart.

———————————–

Fourth Card: Lessons learned during this life

I got the reversed Nine of Cups, which symbolizes misplaced reliance, false freedom, physical illness, and overindulgence. After everything that happened, you needed to take a step back and realize that, yes, you were pretty spoiled compared to the rest of the trolls. Due to Feferi’s absence, you also learned that you needed to rely on yourself more to feel truly free.

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Fifth Card: The impact or effect on your current life

I got the reversed Wheel of Fortune card, which symbolizes failure, setbacks, reap as you sow, poverty, and stagnation. It’s possible that remnants of the struggles Eridan faced are affecting you now, as you may be dealing with a situation similar to Eridan’s financials after the revolution, or maybe your relationships aren’t working out. While these can seem out of your control or power, you can take action now to make a better future for yourself!

———————————–

I hope this helps you, and let me know if it does!

[swissics]

im gonna assume that you are asking about basic forces, inertia, and newtons laws of motion because that basically ties the other to together.

Basic forces:-

gravity (gravitational force) pulls everything. How much it pulls depends on how heavy the object it is pulling is, like the earth is very heavy, so it pulls us humans pretty hard, but the moon is lighter, so it doesnt pull us as much. so thats why if you jump on the moon you can jump higher, because its pulling you with less force. Also, gravity is inversely proportional to the square of the distance between the thing pulling and the thing being pulled. so if you are 2x closer, you get pulled with 2^2 = 4x as much force.

2. electromagnetism: everything has a charge. the charge can be positive negative or neutral. these charges interact with each other. neutral doesnt do shit. Like charges repel, opposite charges attract.

3. (again i really do not know what kind of depth of knowledge you want so) Kinetic and potential energy:- Kinetic = stuff is moving. Kinetic energy (K.E) is the energy that objects posess when they are moving. Potential energy (P.E) has 2 types. Gravitational potential energy, which is potential energy based on how far away you are from the source of gravity (again idk if you have to learn this), for example, if you drop a bowling ball from your height, and then you drop a bowling ball from the top of a tall building, the higher one will have more impact because it had more potential energy (momentum is another thing that comes in here) (if you need to learn about momentum just ask me)(or google it). Next is elastic potential energy, basically, the more you stretch something, the more force it can output, if you strech a rubber band a lot versus if you stretch it just a little bit, the more stretched one will exert more force. Mechanicall energy of an object is just K.E + P.E , it stays the same.

Newtons laws of motion (INERTIA!!) (and other stuff idk if u need it or not but ill put it here)

law of inertia:- something in motion or at rest, stays in motion or at rest until acted upon by an unbalanced force. For example if you have a football on the floor, its not just gonna start moving by itself unless you give it a shove, or a kick. i.e. it stays in rest until you apply an unbalanced force onto it. If a football is rolling on the ground, it will keep moving until an unbalanced force is applied onto it, in most cases, that force is friction. (im assuming you know about friction, ask me if you dont)

law of force and acceleration:- the force on an object is its mass times its acceleration. F=ma (acceleration is the rate of change of velocity)(once again, i assume you know what velocity is, if you dont, ask me.)

every action has an equal and opposite reaction:- Basically, if an object, lets call it object A, exerts a force on object B, object B also exerts an equal force in the exact opposite direction to object A's force, on object A. For example, a ball that is resting on the ground, is exerting its weight on the earth. if the ground did not exert an equal and opposite force on the ball, the ball would sink through the ground.

Hope this helped (Ask me if any questions)

IF SOMEONE KNOWS ABT PHYSICS ESPECIALLY FORCES LIKE INERCIA AND STUFF PLS EXPLAIN IT TO ME FAST

[funkymbtifiction]

I think i’m 97x. in the heart center i feel the ”should do” like a 2 - be more helpful and optimistic. The heart/image is about shame, to not feel shame i know that i think that i need to be helpful and like fun/good for others to be around, if i am like that then it feels safe, like otherwise it feels like i’m not worth being there, like they could just get another one. But when i look at the stems I relate a bit more to this ”4-9: Withdrawn, compassionate, feeling invisible or insignificant, “I’m nothing”” than the 2-9 stem: ”Receptive, helpful, kind, caring, focused on needs of other, forgets self, “nice,” good samaritan, people-focused”. But the feeling like i’m nothing can be just the 9 and i’m withdrawn because of the 9 and not because i have the 4 fix with the 9.

9 cores are very withdrawn in general, you are right. I would go with your inner motivations and what you feel you should do, more than the stems, if you know what those motivations are. If you feel like you SHOULD be... more helpful, cheerful, and good toward others, that's an ego-based image type (2) kicking in. 4s don't feel they SHOULD be anything other than they are. They SHOULD be true to their 4-ness, otherwise it's a betrayal of Self.

9-4s are more self-absorbed than 9-2s, because 2 offsets the 9 tendency to get lost in oneself, but 4 exacerbates it. 2-9 interplay is a sense that I SHOULD be... more receptive, kind, helpful, and not want anything in return. (Feeding into the lie the 2 tells themselves, that other people need things; I don't. I should be above that.)

Would a 972 feel withdrawn? i dont think i look withdrawn to others on the outside but i feel withdrawn more than feels good for me. I feel like if i do have the 7 and 2, it should make me feel less withdrawn and more assertive because they are assertive and social. But on the other hand maybe the 7 and 2 (that want to be loved and assertive with my needs) needs to not be withdrawn and that’s why it feels like i’m more withdrawn than i want to, idk. With withdrawn i kind of also mean not being true to myself and showing myself because i cant if i forget myself, and that’s 9. (Not only forget myself, also it feels like i can’t show myself because of some inborn fear that i dont know what it is yet and it feels so instinctive and idk how i could ever get rid of it, and i dont know how to ever be myself as long as the fear is there so i dont like being 9)

They have 9 inertia combined with a 7 lust for everything in life, to go places, do things, see things. I knew an introvert with a 972 and she was somewhat withdrawn / lost in her own head much of the time (didn't want to connect to people casually, since they'd form dependencies on her -- 7 avoidance, unless they seemed FUN), but she had constant wanderlust. Wanted to go everywhere, do everything, see everything, her entire life was full of necessary chores that would earn her enough money to go on trips, because she didn't want to miss a single thing. If she couldn't travel, she bought things on a whim. Had closets full of clothes, drawers full of makeup, her life was very much about the 'excess' that comes from a strong 7 fix, combined with the guilt-trips of a 2 (I should be more considerate, take better care of people, be less needy, etc). It was interesting to me how isolated she could be (again, not wanting anyone to get dependent on her, because 7 was stronger than 2) and how much of her life was bent toward having a good time. She was also incredibly intolerant of any kind of negativity; that tritype together is the "why can't we all just get along?" tritype. It needs to be rainbows. A bad experience is a lesson learned! They run away from conflict, often literally.

(Why do you assume 972? Is 925 a possibility?)

Is the last fix good to know because they also show some things that motivates you/you are obsessed with doing but that maybe aren’t good for you?

Yeah. I mean, it's good to be aware of ALL the lies you tell yourself, and the last fix is probably the easiest one to mature, since it's optional. As a 2 fixer last, I still feel like I SHOULD answer all of you on a regular basis, but I'm also able to adopt a friend's advice: This isn't the ER. They'll live to see an eventual answer. xD

But i have one more question, should for example a two that wants love try to convince themselves of being loved like they are, or as a 9 try to get rid of the fear of separation, or is that impossible?

Both. Recognize that you needing love is part of who you are, and pay attention to how you try to get it, and don't let fear of separation or conflict keep you stuck in a bad relationship, out of a 2ish self-talk that they "need" me as an excuse for not being more assertive. 9 and 2 play off each other like that. 9 goes "I hate this, and I feel numb when I'm around this person, but leaving them might cause them to yell at me..." and 2 goes, "But they're broken and need you. Who else would put up with this or be their friend? Stay. Be a good person."

[theculturedmarxist]

William absolutely loved getting COVID. His symptoms weren’t severe: lethargy and the loss of taste and smell. “My girlfriend somehow tested negative. She packed a bag and went to her parents’ house for like three weeks and it was amazing,” he said. “I had a great excuse to do nothing … It was the best. I feel guilty saying it. I just really love solitude. I ate Thanksgiving by myself. I binge-watched Boardwalk Empire on HBO. I got to set up the apartment the way I wanted. It was amazing. When I think about it, like you know how when you think back to a summer between grades when you were a kid or a vacation? Like, I want to catch it again on some level.”

It’s not like William is particularly proud of how much he’s loved his pandemic life. (He asked me to refer to him only by his middle name due to the sensitive nature of his job working with people who have substance-use disorder.) “I have COVID-love shame,” he said. “I don’t tell anybody about this … A lot of my dread is purely, for lack of a better word, selfish.” Pandemic life has been easy for him: He is in the business of conducting interventions, which are trickier on Zoom than they are in person — the interventionee can “just get up and leave the room” — but nevertheless, work has been mostly great. He got a promotion after the pandemic started. He’s in “the best shape of [his] life” because he’s been using “the extra time” lockdown has given him to ride his bike, box, and swim. “I’ve had explicit permission to just stay home and I have got my own self-sustaining ecosystem here … work, food, exercise, recreation,” he said. “I just feel so much more control of my experiences. I’m just dreading traffic, ‘meet me at the coffee shop at three,’ ‘I’m ten minutes late,’ baby showers, [gender] reveals. Like, I don’t want to do any of that fucking shit.”

The pandemic year has been hard for many, with all the sickness, death, layoffs, confinement, and isolation. But for a socially anxious and solitude-loving crew, it has been a sort of strange blessing. William is certainly not the only person who is worried about returning to a world of everyday in-person communication. According to a recent study by the American Psychological Association, many adults “feel uneasy about adjusting to in-person interactions once the pandemic ends.” (57 percent of Black adults, 51 percent of Asian adults, 50 percent of Hispanic adults, and 47 percent of white adults said they somewhat/strongly agree with that sentiment.)

“I’ve always been very self-conscious in public,” said Breanna Martins, a high-school art teacher and painter who lives in Boston. “I’m intersex, so I always felt like I got extra stares while I was out in public. I tried to compensate for that by being extra gregarious and outgoing.” It wasn’t until lockdown began that Martins realized she preferred a slower, less intensely social life. The pandemic turned out to be a boon for her art practice. “I’ve never been as productive as I was those first three months of quarantine,” she said. “I was able to segment off from the world and just focus on my art, creation without expectations and fear of other people critiquing it or seeing it because I knew there weren’t going to be any shows anytime soon.” 2020 was one of the best years of her life, Martins told me, and she feels guilty about that.

Arthur, who asked me to only refer to him by his first name, got sober in July 2019, and the world shutting down a few months later gave him space to figure out who he is without alcohol. When he was drinking, he always fancied himself an extrovert, using alcohol as social lubrication. His work involves a fair amount of wining and dining, which was really hard after he quit drinking but before the pandemic began. Being off the hook for those high-pressure social situations came as an immense relief. “One of the epiphanies I had was that I’m really an introvert,” he told me.

He’s used the extra time and solitude that the pandemic has given him for self-discovery. He’s learned that he loves to read, hike, and sit outside and daydream. The pandemic, he said, “has been like a cave for a hibernating bear.” Arthur doesn’t feel guilty about how much he’s enjoyed the last year. “I feel gratitude for it,” he said.

Not everybody who is dreading reopening had a really great year. For William Strecker, a 28-year-old who lives in Texas, the pandemic year allowed him to put his life on pause. After getting laid off from his job in March of last year, he moved from Austin to his parents’ house in the Dallas area. “It was the best-case scenario for me at the time,” he said. “I was kind of happy to get out of there, happy to get severance.” Moving back in with his parents has given him the opportunity to “build a new adult relationship with them.”

But his year of unemployment has been one of inertia. “I wanted to be a writer,” Strecker said, having studied English in college. “I was hoping that this would be an opportunity for me to kind of reevaluate things and start putting myself on a path [to the] career that I actually wanted to be doing. But I guess being in isolation all the time, I started drinking too much, maybe smoking too much, just kind of letting all of the bad habits that weren’t habits before COVID take over. Everything’s been kind of a blur.”

For Strecker, the prospect of having to play an active role in his life is scary. “I’m really worried whenever things open up again …” he trailed off. “I’ve spent six months just like in a void, in limbo. I’m not really confident what that will look like when things start to open up again … I don’t have a job lined up yet. And then I’m worried that some of my social skills have deteriorated a little bit with so much time being anti-social.”

Vinh Hoang, a 32-year-old attorney in San Diego, has a straightforward reason for not being excited about the country reopening: social anxiety. He moved back in with parents in 2020, and hasn’t really socialized with friends, as to not put them at risk. “The ability to be social in a public place with strangers, it’s kind of like a muscle I haven’t used for a year-plus,” Hoang said. “If someone asked me on a date or something, and said, ‘Hey let’s go to a brewery,’ I would definitely feel, not fear, but more anxiety. It feels like I’m rusty and out of practice because I definitely haven’t talked to anyone for a good length of time during quarantine.”

Whenever things go back to normal, Martins, the teacher, hopes that people don’t forget all that they learned over the past year. “We learned about what it means to have a home,” she said. “I think about all the people who started gardens or started baking or really leaned into things they were passionate about or found new passions. I know it’s Pollyannaish to say, but it worries me that people might lose that sense of what fulfills them.”

[acrobaticcatfeline]

NOBODY ASKED BUT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY ADHD STIMS!!!

Ok ok so flappy hands big time, it's like unsupressable. You can not stop the flappy hands. Just for context, my phone only recognizes flappy in all caps at this point. It's just so good.

Scratching and picking! Bad things, dont do them friends, your fingies will hurt and you will bleed a lot and get scratch marks everywhere. I usually only pick at my fingers, scabs or my scalp cuz I have some bad dandruff but I also have a high pain tolerance so I wont know what I'm doing a lot of the time. I mainly scratch my arms and legs cuz I get mild hallucinations that I have bugs landing on me and so I end up scratching like crazy to make it stop. I dont ever scratch myself raw tho, if anything I scratch over a scab or smth and god this is a tmi but I'm in a really good mood for some reason. These are both very unconscious but are just as hard to stop as flappy hands, you can ask my parents heh.

Chewing!!! Ok so I just dived back into this after having not done this for years, but I chew shit bad. I used to chew my shirts a ton, my mom h a t e d it. I'd just nom my collar when I was super nervous. I realized a good bit into quarantine that I had started fucking nomming the shit out of my mimikyu plushies ear. I bought myself some chew stim toys which I love and it gets it out of my system much quicker cuz they're tougher. I love them they're the only stim toys I've ever actually bought myself.

Tapping, clicking, thumpy noises. Pencils and pens clicking, the pressure you have to use and the release pressure and inertia make me so calm I love buttons and clickers and tapping things it helps me focus a L o t. Course its distracting and drives everyone else fucking batty. I had fake nails once for my mom's wedding, and while I hate having nails cuz it's bad sensory shit and I feel grimy, the tapping noises were a definite plus.

P e e l i n g. Another weird tmi but like, I started playing ukulele and now my fingers on my left hand peel a lot and it's so s a t i s f y i n g. It's like peeling Elmer's glue.

Idk what to call this other than zoomies. I like, ok so especially in the morning I'll like stretch and do a little small flappy hands cuz I do that to help me wake up my body, and sometimes itll get stuck in a super fast loop for a few seconds and my hand like tenses to where I cant like stop it. It also happens for my feets, they like twitch for several seconds and then calm down. Idk if this counts but I think so.

I have an auditory stim! I'll obsessively say it's fine over and over when I'm super stressed! Again, another one that's fucking impossible to stop. I also have it with sorry when I'm panicked.

Bouncy leg, simple bitch, I'm doing something so I can focus better, that is if nobody fucking calls me on it cuz then I get hyper aware and stop doing it. Sometimes I'll try to force the bouncy but it never works.

LOUD!!!! I am very loud and it's never on purpose but it's sort of something I learned when I was a kid, my mom and dad were very loud and unkind to each other so I think being loud was a coping mechanism that I can not stop, I have a terrible time controlling my volume except for when singing. It's a pain.

Just being destructive ig. I rip and tear at things when I'm not paying attention and I either, have nothing in my hand, or have a sharp thing in my hand. I'll tear holes in clothes, rip at stray threads, cut paper things up into tiny pieces and I will not know I'm doing it until someone screams at me for breaking things. I have destroyed my parents vacuum filter and bed because I was bored and had scissors. I swear to god my parents didnt let me use scissors or knives until I was 16. If i needed scissors for class i had to borrow them because they wouldnt let me have scissors it was. Bad.

Playing with my hair. It's no good. Vvv bad. My hair is so fucking curly it tangles together as soon as I'm done brushing it. I Will rip my hair out on accident and it's just a bad time. I dont take care of my hair enough to have playing with my hair be a valid stim. Its invalid and it should feel bad.

Crushing things! Like water bottles and cans, I love crinkly plastic and metal noise and it's a great texture too.

I think that's the most of them! I just, got really excited to tell you guys all about it and how I stim and!!!!!!!

[monicalorandavis]

“Queen & Slim“ is, for the most part, excellent

“Queen & Slim” ends how you expect it to. No, Bonnie and Clyde won’t get away this time. Its soundtrack features no mind-blowing cello renditions of “Bitch Better Have My Money” or other mash-ups of strings in an unexpected way. Which is not to say that the soundtrack is not exactly what you want it to be. It is. (Dev Hynes gifts the world with his rendition of ‘Runnin Away’ that is so good all is forgiven.) Even the performances haunt you with a sense of deja-vu lived-in realness. These are people you might’ve seen across from you at a restaurant and never thought about again.

This is a movie, by and large, that feels like a warm blanket but for whatever reason the metaphoric window was left open, letting the cool air in. An imperfect, near perfect, film. And the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that was intentional. But more on that later.

First, the acting. The lead actors are grounded and complicated in the way that good performances make your heart feel all those wonderful pangs. Daniel Kaluuya perhaps has the most impeccable taste in Hollywood and Jodie Turner-Smith breaks out in the lead role with an aloofness that feels like a defense mechanism and totally justified.

Next, the directing. Melina Matsoukas delivers on her reputation as one of the most aesthetic young directors in the biz. The film is beautiful and balanced, navigating the grit of deep south dive bars and trap houses with the same attention given to stately mansions and wide open fields. “Queen & Slim” is familiar, and original, so why is the film not wholly and entirely excellent? The answer is complicated.

We have a breakdown in the final link of the holy trinity (of film-making, that is), the writing. The writing is where this thing falters ever so slightly. And, believe me, it doesn’t feel awesome to criticize the very talented Lena Waithe. But a perfect script this is not. So here it goes...

The story suffers, as most things do, from editing - or lack thereof. Now, I will say, the first 10 minutes of the film are a master class in pacing. The action kicks off almost immediately and at times I felt like I was somehow watching a hidden camera show. Everything felt natural and right and weighted and awkward in all the right places.

We open on a diner where our protagonists are on a first date. Neither of them are in a rush to speak. You wonder, is this going poorly...or are these people already relaxed enough to lean into those silences? The answer is both. (While we don’t know either protagonist’s name until the final scene, I’ll refer to our leads for now as ‘He’ and ‘She’.) He is overly familiar and she’s judgmental. An attorney, she’s reached out to him after several weeks because her client has been executed. His feelings are hurt and he seems to be acting out on purpose, smacking his lips and chewing loudly, even eating her food off her plate (although invited to this is a very bold move) and, moreover, behaving a little too cavalier. These are two people who are not on the same page. And yet as soon as they leave said diner, their lives are turned upside down, together. A traffic stop turns into a self-defense killing. She’s even shot in the melee (though this is somehow not taken very seriously). In spite of the large wound across her leg, she insists they must flee and they’ve got to do it right now.

They know (and we know) this story doesn’t end well for them. What’s done is done. This is America. So, Instead of turning on each other, these near perfect strangers, band together and run. We watch a love story in reverse. They protect each other first then learn to love each other later. Now that premise alone is entirely delightful. It taps into my romantic notions of emotionally complicated people learning to love the crazy in someone else. Plus, it is so anti-authority and overdue to have some retributive justice paid to the police. Why not watch these gorgeous black people inflict some hurt onto the failed institution that is policing in our country?

And, again, this film starts so strong. This all happens in the first 7-10 minutes. We are on their side right away. Yes, he killed someone but this cop certainly would’ve killed him. You can judge their decision to skip town as harshly as you choose to, but I got it. Inertia would mean certain death. So in place of a firm plan, they go. And on their journey we encounter a cast of characters that doesn’t always push the story forward. In fact, I don’t know if I loved any of the characters they come across. The first person who offers help to our protagonists winds up in the trunk of a car which was too bad because I rather liked what he contributed to the story. After that, a greasy-haired white gas station attendant successfully gets Daniel Kaluuya’s charcter’s gun in his hands and playfully (I guess) points it at his head. It’s an unnecessary tension. We know he won’t kill him (we have another 90 minutes of movie left!). And, it makes Daniel Kaluuya‘s character seem stupid in a way that isn’t supported by any other information we know about him. He’s a little naive, you could argue, but he’s not dumb. And I would be willing to let those things slide if it didn’t seem to be such a pattern with the introduction of characters. That leads us to my largest issue with the whole film, the protest scene.

Now, with all due respect, what in the world was that protest scene about? It is, for whatever reason, spliced together with the first (and only) love scene of the film. We’ve been waiting patiently for some tenderness, more specifically, for something romantic to finally happen for our main characters. We’ve endured their constant running for their lives and it feels only fair that they get to enjoy their lives, and each other, before the cops eventually pay them back for killing their brother in blue. So, it made absolutely no narrative sense nor, if the filmmakers were going for a larger political theme here, thematic sense to put that love making scene together with aforementioned protest scene. Up until then, I was on board with all editing decisions. But this one simply won’t stand! Their sex scene is passionate and a little dirty (read: fun!). And the whole thing goes down in a baby blue Pontiac Catalina that is absolutely stunning (read: even better). The car alone makes the colors in the frame mesmerizing. Plus, these actors are so nice to look at I simply could not complain. Plus, I appreciated that there were no rose petals or champagne. This was not a pretty, or safe, or delicate love scene. These are two people who have been growing closer and closer to each other and have been so afraid to let their guards down. So when they finally get intimate you can feel their longing. Clothes are flying. The kisses are sloppy. Basically, this is a good old-fashioned good time. So, with all of that being said, why, oh why, would you interject the murdering of a cop in this one moment of romantic passion? The film has been building to our leads getting together. They deserved their moment. Uninterrupted.

Now that was a lot of criticism for a movie that I said was nearly excellent. And that’s fair. So allow me to now herald the film’s strengths because they overshadow the weaknesses that, while few, are distracting.

What this film does well, very well in fact, is depict a complicated circumstance compounded by the complicated reality of being black in America. We don’t see these stories often (or ever). We’ve seen stories about the trauma of slavery, the Civil Rights era, shootings. But we don’t see the subtle stories of racial violence and we rarely see the capacity black people have to love in spite of it all. So “Queen & Slim” is the first of its kind. The police brutality love story. That sounds like a crude oversimplification but this is a story worth watching. And because it is such a new storyform, we are bearing witness to a truly original film. So, naturally, as is the case with all new things, there are some wrinkles to iron out (which I’ve already gone on and on about, dont @ me). But the larger message is one to pay attention to. Black people are being allowed the space here to screw up and still fall in love. Perhaps not a revolutionary concept for you. But to me, this marks this movie as an instant classic. There will be copycats. Remember that this was the first.

Black people in film are rarely afforded the same frivolity and silliness as white characters are. There’s no black version of Ross and Rachel getting married in Vegas. There’s no black “What Happens in Vegas”. I realize now that all of my examples happen in Las Vegas... But let’s go with it. Las Vegas, the hotbed of bad decisions and overindulgence, has largely been depicted as the white person’s playground. That’s not true in real life. Vegas, if nothing else, caters to everybody’s bad decisions. So why don’t we see that on screen? I don’t know. White executives are simply out of touch comes to mind. But what also comes to mind is the larger responsibility black people carry from childhood on. Black kids are punished harsher. They’re given less strikes. So, their lives and, thus, their art don’t often get to be as free from the weight of the world. They don’t get the reckless Crazy Beautiful moment. What a delight it was to see the lead characters be free in this film. It struck me that they were totally free in light (and perhaps because) of the murder of that cop. Somewhere in the back of their mind they were unburdened by responsibility because they were already dead. How tragically beautiful.

So, in spite of my criticism of the plot and editing, know that this film already occupies a special place in my heart. I’m a grown-up. I can love something and see its faults. Isn’t love about accepting something (someone) in spite of their faults? Isn’t that what we witness with Kaluuya and Turner-Smith’s characters in the end? 

And that leads me to the final reason the film is not entirely excellent and the most controversial reason of all: it doesn’t have to be.

Nope. It doesn’t owe you excellence. Just like black people do not have to be excellent to exist in this country. It is not my own idea. It’s an idea thrown out in the first act of the film. Kaluuya’s character retorts to Turner-Smith, “Why do black people feel the need to be excellent...[why can’t they just] be themselves?” And with that, I rest my case.

This film is not entirely excellent because excellent is just another standard, another loop to jump through. Black art doesn’t have to prove anything. This film just is. It is important and honest and deserves to exist.

[maiverie]

hey mai! this is my first ask I've ever sent so this speaks numbers about your talent... you're lichrally my favourite writer on this silly blog app so I felt it was fitting that I sent my fav a question💟💟

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

18) What's the most obscure thing you've researched for a fic?

lots of love💟

😳😳 WAIT HOLD UP HOLY FUCK i’m actually so so honoured to take ur ask virginity thank you so much for giving me this privilege ????!!!! 😭

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ANON STOP IM GNA CRY :((( i’m kicking my fEET that’s literally the best compliment ever :(( to be ur fave is all i’ve ever wanted to be so i think i can die happy now 🥺

[17] — do you have any wips that you can tell us about? what are you most excited for in you wip?

OH EM GEEEE fml i honestly have so many wips it hurts 😭 SOMEONE SAVE ME 😭😭 as you probably know i’m the slowest writer on this dumbass app so it’s currently taking me forever to finish my current fics :(( BUTTT THE WIP IM MOST EXCITED ABOUt is probably inertia!! i love bad boy aus and relationships that tread the thin line of toxic/“this is a shitshow” and fated/“this is a shitshow that was meant to be” AJDJKSS if that makes any sense ?? 😭 i think it’ll give me a little more opportunity to delve into a kind of character dynamic that’s a lil more -spicy- than my current works, plus the plot is probably a little more dramatic which is always fun to write hehehehe :>> other wips i’m kinda eggsited abt are vice versa (bc i’ll revert back into my crackhead style like in open sesame) and misconduct (my first smau) :>>>>

[18] — what's the most obscure thing you've researched for a fic?

(copied from this ask) OKAY CONFESSION nobody on tumblr knows this but a few months ago i was writing this romance crime/mystery/thriller fic (like deadass wrote 25k words on it) and bc the plot was so convoluted i ended up researching the weirdest shit for it??? main character was a fortune teller so i had to research about tarot cards; the main male idol was a private investigator so i researched ab how they're typically employed and what kind of qualifications they require to become one; and lastly bc it was a murder mystery i obv had to learn about different murder weapons and the typical litigation processes you’d expect following a surprise murder and stuff :((

ANYWAY I HOPE THOSE ANSWERS WERE OKAY JSJEKCJSK THANK U SO MUCH FOR ASKING???? also like just thank you sososoo much for even reading my works :(( this is kinda dumb but it genuinely makes me happy and i’m truly really touched to know that someone enjoys the shit i make in my spare time 😭 u made my whole day AND U DONT EVEN KNOW IT??? hehe hope u have the best day/night <3333 don’t ever hesitate to reach out again :>>> MWAH

even more love 💖💖💖💖

send in a question I BEG

[expfcultragreen]

Its about enclosure.

We, as collectivized animals, dont need any of societys systems (eg grid power, the medical industrial complex, cops, mass scale agriculture) to stay alive, in the bodily parameter sense--humans evolved as small-group egalitarian pastoralists, not metal alloy/plastic-organic symbiote megahive swarms--but we increasingly are trained to fear imagining alternatives (eg1 educational focus on intangibles like words and numbers, in tandem with no material survival skill instruction at all; we are not expected to learn to survive outside in the world because we are not expected to want to go outside into the world, because we havent been taught how to survive it, because we need to be inside to generate profit, so we need to be held captive and the most efficient way to do that is to deputize each of us to hold ourselves captive, and to be held captive by ourselves we must be kept infantile, uninformed, untested, inexperienced and feeling incapable; we have been taught how to survive within capitalism ({which means we know how to keep our heads down and create profit so we might later be returned a tiny portion of it as wages to pay off the state at regular intervals so it doesnt send cops to kill us for our 'negligence', our 'dereliction of duty' as taxable automata supporting whatever military expenses they refuse to itemize "for security purposes"}), which is barely surviving at all. eg2 apocalypse/collapse media as inertia-inducing capitalist pacification propaganda which, i hope im coining "paciprop" but probably not) let alone taking on the perceived risk of doing more than imagining.

We are set up to fail because if we were set up to succeed, we would leave and theyd be short slaves. Its like a bad relationship with someone who hates you but likes to use you because you let them, theyre never going to help you help yourself to move on, they need you, youre their host and theyre your parasite. Of course theyll try to lasso you with a dependency on compulsorily wifi-integrated technology, think of the 80 other lassos of similar sorts already binding you to the will of those who enjoy ownership of you. They've already got you paying to be in your home (rent or taxes), paying to heat water electrically off the grid instead of boiling it over a fire, and paying for the water--which falls out of the sky for free & slightly less full of chemicals; imagine if you had to pay for internet too before the kettle would work. Wow. Think of the auto-and-oil-and-insurance tagteam trio; most people ive known are stranded in life without (the expensive albatross of) their car because they become totally reliant on driving, to the exclusion of cheaper or faster or greener or less stressful alternatives...but almost everyone shames you for 'irresponsibly' avoiding the whole car thing as if its a valid, immortal rite of passage to get a car and youre not a full adult unless you can-and-do spend all kinds of money just to, lbr, get yourself to work on time with greater certainty, by piloting a climatecontrolled metal womb for yourself so your legs dont have to do anything like what theyre evolved to do. So even though you NEED to move your legs a lot (and everyone is getting weird sedentary lifestyle-related ailments even if they spend money to go to a gym when theyre not at work because we're even extorted for keeping ourselves in working shape as expected), we're all supposed to get a car and drive instead of getting places under our own power or via mass transit. And there are consequences lurking to suckerpunch you if you don't at least have a drivers license, even if you dont use it for driving.

Because of, its about enclosure.

Welcome to the future, where you don’t own anything and the stuff you rent stops working once your phone has no signal.

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

202(1)

i’ve been sitting here for the past hour just procrastinating to write this. i think its the inertia to have to think back about how the past 12 months has been, and to feel the need to conclude something out of it.  im sure there is many things to conclude, but maybe putting this in point form will help me a bit.  what did you learn about yourself in 2020? - i learnt that i have the capacity to love and be loved.  - i learnt about the ways that i enjoy receiving love!  - that i hold things closely (a bit too closely, perhaps) to the things that matter to me. (eg. friendship, ministry)  - i can’t play God. i am not God.  - failure isn’t everything.  what did you learn about others in 2020? - that my friends have the capacity to love me in a way where i will actually appreciate it.  - that people can and will disappoint.  - i am surrounded by people who have so much grace.  - people can have the capacity to love, because they are Loved.  what did you learn about God? - that He is so faithful. so so faithful.  - He is patient - so patient even in my mess.  - He waits. He waits for His perfect timing, to unleash and release. to pull back.  - that He is God. not i.  so dear God, thank you for being so faithful. wah if i could, i want to sing loud loud in the church with my face planted onto the floor because the intense glory feels so real. that need and want to bow before You, because You are the great ol’ one, is real.  so thank you for loving me. it feels slightly underwhelming, bc i want to think of some insane + bOOMz epiphany. but maybe, You dont always work like that. perhaps it is in the quiet and stillness, that You are seen.  may i carry this heart of gratitude, and this attitude to be patient, to be obedient, so listen first and speak later, into 2021.  thank you for the past year, and another year.  may my heart be expectant for whats to come.  Love,  me, 5 days in 2021, hehe. 

[mckkachins]

for sleepover saturday: how do you feel about Tanos?

god damn anon u rolling out the controversy (its all under the read more cos i wrote like 3 paragraphs hahaha)

sleepover saturday!!! (blacklist “not yoi” or “ray’s sleepover shenanigans” if u don’t want to see)

i actually have a lot of conflicting feelings about this tbh (and anyone is free to disagree). like idk if i said this before but i am a huuuuge physics nerd and last yr i sat through 110 hours of physics classes every day. so like first off the physics alone of rippons and tanos are already unreal. the amount of energy and force/torque that goes into the jumps w rippons and tanos is unbelievable bc moment of inertia and things.

but then u get the problem w skaters jumping w these variations on almost every jump and getting higher GOE and ppl complain that the performance and artistry goes down bc of the tano/rippon buffer? and … yeah…… there ARE skaters out there who rely on them too much without brushing up in the artistry and fluidity departments.

but i dont disagree that rippons and tanos are ruining the artistry and i dont agree with putting a limit on them. like the work it takes into learning a jump w that variation should be rewarded imo bc it’s….unreal. there are skaters who jump w tanos and rippons who are amazing artists on ice too (esp in the novice divisions where a ton of skaters jump doubles w rippons; they shouldn’t be limited). there are other ways to try to change the scoring system in order to shift more focus towards pcs and artistry without limiting tanos and rippons.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Finding what you truly need: Quantum Field-tripping - A Spiritual Log Post (Timeless)

Disclaimer: This post is not a substitute for medical treatment, unless modern medicine has failed your needs and you need something else. But until that time comes, ALWAYS SEEK THE HELP OF MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. The information in this site is for educational purposes only, and as such the writer of this site has NO LIABILITY for any form of losses. Follow all instructions AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Abstract: Are you pushed back into a corner? Does it feel that the walls are closing in? Is there anything else to do in this life other than suffering? Honestly I don’t know, but for me, at some point, I have come to accept some things that my logical mind couldn’t explain but nevertheless just took it as a sign to continue living differently, from my own programming. Due to the timeless and etherial nature of life, including us humans, I would like to present the idea that everything is simultaneously happening right now, in all realms of existence, across all time, space, dimensions, and realities, and that at some point, what you need, what you’re doing your best to find, especially answers that eluded you or scenarios that you desperately wanted to have but just seem to keep slipping off your hands. What if I told you that everything you could ever need has always been with you, and by accepting that reality whole-heartedly, it can certainly change your life in ways outside of what you can already imagine... Will you choose to take on that idea and play with it?

Introduction

Escape has always been the best thing that ever got invented. When we escape, we feel powerful, we feel like we can do anything, we become more gutsy, more fearless, more peaceful, more or less we feel less stressed. Just think of all the ways that you can escape: escaping from your crappy job, escaping from a dysfunctional home, escaping from a failed relationship, escaping from reality, escaping from the worries of the mind, escaping from the pains of the physical body... Whatever kind of escape you want, there’s probably something that exists just for you. And now, more than ever, the world-wide pandemic has created so much chaos in the real world as well as in the minds of people, that people just wanted to escape, in all ways, shapes, and forms.

I am not immune to that. I mean, seriously right now if I get a chance to go to the Pacific Ocean without thinking about the consequences of such an action, I WOULD DO IT IN A HEARTBEAT. I have been cooped up in this house since mid-February and what would I do to go to the beach, to the mountain, to my beloved university sitting at the foot of a dormant volcano, visit the people that I love... Even if there’s a high chance of me dying or getting killed one way or another due to this process, as long as I can ESCAPE I will fricken do that. I just feel so contracted right now, it feels so suffocating, I am just like a pimple that needs to be popped in order to feel the sweet release from pain and suffering. To put it in emotional terms. Otherwise the cold version would be I’M SOOOO BORED I WANNA DO SOMETHING ELSE, ELSEWHERE.

If you get what I mean, thanks for feeling me where I’m at. Or rather, where I was before I did something radical, again.

Because frankly, I may have stumbled into something that could change not just my life, but yours as well.

Are you interested fam? If you are, please do read on. =) I’m so stoked for this!

Why I got into this whole quantum jumping thing

OK, so short introduction as to why I am so overly excited to share this information.

There was a time in my life when I was physically incapacitated, I couldn’t walk, I was in extreme pain, and even in my dreams the pain was unbearable. It was the ONLY time I ever got confined to a hospital, due to extreme shooting pains that not only make walking or standing up painful AF but also it turns off my ability to even use my legs and feet to stand up, like zero power to use legs plus worst pain ever. If hell can be described to a point, that was my own personal hell. It was worse than when I got ghosted and dumped, worse when my salaries were witheld from me and the person who did that was a trusted friend... That physical pain was so much sh*****r than the emotional turmoil I had the previous year, it just killed my will to live. Pain 24/7, 1 month straight, and the therapy took even longer. Mind you, I took really powerful prescription pain medications, one was a morphine derivative, so that should probably give you an idea on how intense the pain was.

Before that happened to me, I was proud to have a sturdy body with sufficient flexibility and more than enough power to lift really heavy things. I even told the doctors who examined me (spoiler alert: they didn’t find anything wrong with me, results of scans were all UNREMARKABLE despite all that pain in my lower limbs) that I used to throw a judo classmate whose weight was about 90Kgs/198lbs fairly easily, with my own strength. Not to brag but out of the entire class, she only goes to me to get thrown, lol she said I was her fave, I could sweep her over my shoulder easily she says. Hmmm... Then again one of my classmates who was around 44kgs/96.8lbs could throw me when I was at 54kgs/118.8lbs at the time so.. Maybe it’s relative. But still, it’s no joke doing a shoulder throw without any inertia, so of course I thought I had that identity established: maychan the people-thrower lol.

Of course, all of that changed... when the fire nation attacked. (srsly by now you guys should have an idea that I am so into the ATLA universe, have you seen my main lol I’m a trash queen over there gahahah but srsly pls dont)

I utterly lost that sense of strength, of identity, and I desperately needed an escape, from the pain, from the confinement of my bed, from having incontinence issues due to so much pain... Inability to enjoy eating or even eat properly because pain, I could go on and on. In a nutshell, my quality of life was hell on earth. Thus my need to escape grew stronger.

And surprisingly, in the weirdest way possible, I discovered binaural beats. The ones that helped me in particular were those that induced lucid dreaming. It’s funny though, before I got hospitalized I was researching how to lucid dream, but due to me trying to find work abroad I never got to revisit that idea. And what better way to do that than in that moment, when I just wanted the simple things that mobility brings, like, I just wanted to pet my doggy pain-free, without crying my eyes out due to pain. So I took a shot, downloaded some free ones, which included that lucid-dream inducing track. I also did my best to do WILD - Wake-induced Lucid Dreaming, since I don’t have herbal supplements to enhance or even induce lucidity. Also, since I was practically bedridden, might as well do the escaping from there lol

And boy oh boy fam, let me tell you, it’s definitely like acid-tripping. Not that I tried that before but... I have undergone certain meditative states that were apparently, similar to acid-tripping. Well, I’m saying that based on the descriptions from an old book about the effects of magic shrooms lol You can send me an anonymous ask and I’ll tell you the title of the book lol

I guess in a way, that period of my life, even if it was the sh*****st part of my life, it was one of the events that, in hindsight, catapulted me into this whole spiritual awakening/dark night of the soul combo sh**f**t that is pretty much what I’m living for right now. Unless I get to materialize Ignis Scientia or Cloud Strife into my life but yeah sure lol

So.... What does that got to do with quantum jumping?

A lot, actually. When I was doing lucid dreaming, I had small goals... I just wanted to walk again, sit on a chair (even that was impossible without any pain, and it took me half a year just to sit for 10 minutes straight), stooping down to pet my doggy (RIP doggy), do Taichi and what not... Just doing the normal stuff that normal people take for granted like grocery shopping or doing the laundry, the mundane everyday things. And when in the past I hated sleeping because I felt trapped and in pain, after learning lucid dreaming I was all excited. When I did get to sleep, not only did I get to walk a lot, but I also started flying, I was looking over people. I was going to places at a drop of a hat. I could fall down and float back up. I was eventually able to wean myself from the medications, and after 2 weeks of intense lucid dreaming I was able to stand and walk around. Yeah, sure, there was still a lot of pain so I had to take it slow. But still, I got to walk, and that was a huge miracle for me, it is, still.

But that wasn’t just the stuff that I learned.

Because apparently, being lucid in a dream means that you CAN choose what happens to you. You have greater control in what you want to happen. You can bitch-slap your enemies, cuddle and snuggle someone you love (not the ex lol guess who got bitch-slapped when I got lucid lololol not even kidding there). I guess that was the best part for me, being able to talk to my subconscious by acting out what I wanted to happen. Yeah sure, it’s funny to think that I hugged the life out of some nerdy eye-glassed person that I don’t even know (is that you, Ignis lol), even just in my dreams, but after that one incident, I became open to the possibility of finding love again. It was liberating, refreshing even. Like that time when Tanjirou killed that that spider mommy in Kimetsu no Yaiba, it was a long-awaited release: A soft rainshower after a long period of drought.

And this is where the fun starts for us all. Quantum jumping gives us these benefits, but... 

IT’S MORE POWERFUL!!!

Because you not only get to talk to your subconscious mind.... But more importantly... You have greater potentials, not just chances, to change the trajectory of your life.

I know that’s hard to believe but hear me out fam. Apparently, after discovering the Silva Method to improve my meditation habits, I started getting a sense that I have been doing these things before. When I was young, to escape the dysfunction in the household, and in my life in general, I just sat down and go blank. Then things would just randomly pop in my head. I didn’t even have to think, they just woosh in there, like a movie clip, and then leave me. And I’d choose what I’d want to do. I wanted to learn how to improve my drawing skills. I wanted to study away from here, where I have lived for a decade and a half. I wanted to be known for being myself. I just wanted the bullying to stop. I wanted someone, or a bunch of people to love me for who I am. And bit by bit, those small wishes came true, maybe not right away, but those things did happen for me, and those were also miracles for me, despite me co-creating them with the infinte realm of possibilities.

The drawback back then though, was that I was operating due to fears, insecurities, my desperate need to leave home without resolving the personal issues and scars first, so I started entertaining purely destructive thoughts, ideas, and the like. And, because the quantum field isn’t just a goldmine of nice and good stuff, but also a landmine of the most horrible stuff imaginable, it’s fairly easy to jump into the crappiest scenarios and situations as well. Yeah, sure, they’re all learning experiences that I can look back and laugh off but, if I didn’t know the things I knew now, I’d be simply holding on to so much trauma and drama, and frankly, I won’t even be here writing this blogpost at all.

The advantages of Quantum Jumping however, is that as long as you get relaxed enough to allow your brain to zone out aka reach the alpha brainwave state, or entraining your brain first by subjecting it to binaural beats to reach the alpha brainwave state faster, everything just flows out naturally. No need to sleep to reach your subconscious mind, you’re already walking on that bridge between the awake and the dream state, and it’s one of the best times to make your dreams into reality, this time consciously doing so and not just being at the mercy of other people who could readily brainwash you to do their bidding.

I mean really now..

If you’re going to choose between getting brainwashed by other people or brainwashing yourself, might as well do that on your own. You won’t have any hidden agendas from yourself, it’s always for your own good, and you’ll reap the rewards. An all-out win-win solution to life’s problems. What’s more, is that the effects can last for a lifetime, especially when combined with other tools for ascension and spiritual awakening. I haven’t maxed out my fullest potential on quantum jumping yet (still working on it) but right now, I’m at a point where my attachments to fears have decreased significantly, syncronicities have started popping up, and for some weird reason my channeling has gotten stronger, to the point that I don’t touch my card decks anymore, other than playing with them of course. Because I love shuffling cards lol even with my broken finger last year I was determined to shuffle my decks at least once a day, and even if I wasn’t into quantum jumping them, I found healing of some sort. I could just imagine, what if I started early in this thing? But right now, I am thankful to even know about it. It changed my life, so much so that despite the pandemic right now, I feel more connected to the divine realms, and still looking forward to feel that kind of expansion, so that no matter what happens to me, I’m not in that perpetual state of imprisonment anymore.

And I want you to have that kind of liberation too. Who knows, maybe your ability to manifest can become even better, that some years after learning you’ll look back and say to yourself that it was the best decision you have ever made, and it was well worth it.

What to expect, and not expect 

So before anything else, unless you’ve been meditating for a rather long time and you know exactly how to pace yourself, it’s important to be gentle and kind to yourself, especially when you’re just trying it out for the first time. It’s OK to lower your expectations, maybe try it out for the simplest issues that you feel are easy to do but can be improved greatly by thinking outside the box.

Because that’s one major premise of Quantum Jumping - THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX. Outside the scope of normal thinking. Solutions to things that seem daunting, or at the very least, annoying can suddenly pop up out of nowhere, and in retrospect, you might start thinking “Why didn’t I think of that before?”. SImple, it’s because it’s outside the scope of your conscious mind, so why not let your subconscious do the leap and find the solutions for you? Even though they would seem outlandish at first, if you chose to do it, at least there’s a 50-50 chance that you’ll get a breakthrough. Which leads me to the next issue...

DON’T EXPECT IT TO WORK ALL THE TIME.

Why?

Mainly because truth be told, it’s a quirk of the subconscious mind. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If it works, there are some possibilities:

You were able to remove the subconscious blocks that used to sabotage your dreams, thus allowing you to get what you want. Or

You were really meant to attain that goal, as it is part of your Karmic path

On the flip-side however, following the instructions in your jumps can lead to other problems, or there is a lack of seeing any form of solutions. Probably because:

You still have a lesson to learn aka Karmic lessons that needed to be resolved in layers, thus producing unwanted results unless you forgive and clear them all up

Part of your life path or Karmic destiny is entwined with another’s, thus you may need to just free this up and let it go (this is my major issue right now but I still do quantum jumping to see if I can reverse this, and I am still looking lol but I am easing the resistance bit by bit), Or

The solution makes no sense to you right now and you’re a bit hesitant to follow it, or it’s downright impossible at this point. Just do another jump if you must, but be warned, sometimes the leap of faith can do more wonders than harm so.. Eh. Your choice, fam lol

Of course, who knows, maybe one day you can program yourself to allow this kind of timeline jumping to work for you more times than not. Provided that you were able to fully-integrate it into your system, and be open and free with how it works for you. No need to force it, you have to allow it to flow into you, like breathing air, or something, to the extent that it feels natural to you. But until then, keep practicing doing tiny stuff, expect things to happen, and keep on going from there.

How to do it - my personal suggestions

Step-by-step instructions which I usually do, as I feel guided to. Depending on your openness and calmness, the allotted time may vary, if you’re starting out it might take 20 minutes at least, just to calm down, but if you can maximize it at 5-10 minutes it’s also good, as long as it’s deliberate and you really feel all of the emotions as well as take in the information available. If you’re finding it hard to do it at times because nothing happens or you’ve ran out of motivation, just keep at it, or just do relaxation techniques instead, and you’ll eventually get a hang of it, and have some questions answered too. =) Or you can just straight up to go Mindvalley or Soulvana by Mindvalley and search this over there, or just go here so I won’t have to do this for you lol NO really, that’s where I got the full steps for the jump. I just used to do other techniques from the Silva Method and since the late Burt Goldman, the dude behind quantum jumping was also a certified Silva Method instructor, he just spruced it up to create this technique. There’s no right or wrong method to do this, just be open and willing to play with it, and above all, have fun, alright? =)

OK, let’s start!

Find a comfy position sitting up straight, your back fully- supported and your limbs limp and relaxed. If you’re energetically-sensitive, I don’t suggest sitting cross-legged, sit on a chair with your feet planted on the ground if you can, so that the energies can flow through you unhindered. Unless you’re like me who likes tingles lol not gonna judge you on that, OK?

If you’re new to relaxation techniques, there are many ways to do just that. It’s important to get relaxed so you can get to the alpha brainwave state faster. You’ll know that you’re in that state when you don’t feel any fears or you don’t start over-analyzing everything. Fears and overanalyzing are associated with the beta brainwave state, the consciously awake and problem-solving brainwave state, and we need to reach the alpha brainwave state, which is when we’re zoning out, listening to relaxing music, or watching calm and peaceful videos.

You can do breathing techniques like counting up to 5 on the inhale, holding that for 5 counts, exhaling for 5 counts, and holding that for 5 counts before your next inhale Do that for at least 3 times until you can sense that you’ve slowed down your breathing. I normally do it 7-8 counts each, but it took a while to get to that point, you can even start at 3 if you need to train your lungs. 

Alternatively, you can do a countdown technique. I learned this from doing the Silva Method, and it did wonders for me, I could touchdown into the alpha state 50% faster than before. You can count down from 20 to 1, 50 to 1, or 100 to 1. Start with 100 to 1 if you’re anxiety-ridden, and the more you do this, you’ll get better at it. Counting from 100 down to 1 is recommended to be done for 10 days, then 50 to 1 for 10 days, 20 to 1 for 10 days, 10 to 1 for 10 days, and 5 to 1 for 10 days, until you feel that you’ve mastered it enough to get down from beta to alpha in a few seconds. I’m still scared sh*****s that I can zone out within 5-10 seconds but hey, it’s a roller-coaster kind of scared. Fun, right?

The other countdown technique is called 3, 2, 1 Method. This involves more visualizations, which can both be a boon or bane for people. I suggest that don’t take my words on it, try researching on the Silva Method for yourself, take a good look at the full steps, and see if it works for you. This involves counting and visualizing 3 three times as you exhale slowly (your lungs will thank you for it lol), then relaxing each part of your body downward. Then counting and visualizing 2 three times, and visualizing tranquil and passive scenes to relax the mind. Then counting and visualizing 1 three times, and doing the aforementioned countdown technique (step 4).

Once you reached step 5 and you’ve reached a state of awake relaxation, give yourself a pat on the back. This is your baseline alpha level, and you can start your quantum jump from here. Start by visualizing your issue, whatever it is. Not just looking at it from an outsider’s perspective, RE-LIVE THE WHOLE THING. Feel everything, the horridness, the uncomfortable-ness, the awkwardness, the whole shindig. Feel the intensity of your emotions. Don’t worry, it’s safe to do so. Just let go.

Now, the most important part of the jump, set this intention and ask yourself this: If I can do this differently, how can it go?

Start visualizing a closed door in front of you. Doesn’t matter what it looks like, just see a closed door. Set the intention that whatever you need to know is behind that door of the entire realm of infinite possibilities. Keep doing that until your intent has been set and you feel ready.

Open the door and see yourself falling down into what seems like a gajillion portals to other dimensions. Don’t try controlling where you land, just let yourself fall into one hole, and be open and willing to receive whatever you find in there. You’ll find a version of yourself doing something, saying something, or whatnot. Ask that version of you, the question you wanted to ask. Take note what that version of you said or did, no matter how silly or weird the answers seem to you

Once you got all the information you need, visualize yourself getting pulled upwards back and through the door of infinite possibilities, going upwards and back to your starting point.

Repeat steps 7-10 for about 3 times.

Once you feel satisfied or you feel like there’s nothing more to fish out for, it’s time to go back to reality. This time you’re going to count up from 1 to 5. This is how it’s done in the Silva Method:

You’ll mentally tell yourself that at the count of 5, you’ll open your eyes, be wide awake, feeling fine and in perfect health. Feeling better than before. Take a nice, deep, slow inhale. Start counting 1, 2, coming out slowly now, 3, at the count of 5 you will open your eyes, be wide awake, feeling fine and in perfect health, feeling better than before. 4, 5 you are now wide awake, feeling fine and in perfect health, feeling better than before.

Take a deep, breath fam, you just made your first jump.

CONGRATULATIONS! *headpats*

Please note these things before doing the jump

I don’t recommend lying down, especially if you’re dead-tired. Just don’t do this jump at all when you’re tired. The good thing though, is that you can use steps 1-5 to get to sleep faster so.. Feel free to do that instead lol. If you’re asking why... Well, you’re supposed to do the jump with just enough awareness to bridge the gap between being awake and asleep, and if you’re tired in all levels the slope towards la-la land gets fairly easy to slip down into. That’s one of the harder aspects of doing meditation that turns people off: they end up sleeping instead of getting a breakthrough. So please, by all means, get some proper sleep. Rest. Do whatever it takes to get at least one sleep cycle. Not only will that help in your overall physical and mental well-being, but it also helps the brain release the toxins it accumulated while on beta brainwave mode, so do yourself a favor and do that instead. The quantum field is a timeless field anyway, and you can always go there anytime.

Are you sure that the problem/issue that you wanted to get solved, the REAL issue that you REALLY wanted to get solved, or is there something deeper beyond that? Because to be honest, for me, I did jumps a lot and the same solution keeps coming up, despite me asking different questions for different problems. Despite trying to find an alternative reality, I can only see one scenario. It sucks lol So in the end, and I have to make yet another jump, but this time I am going directly to the question of “Why do I keep seeing the same answer for different questions?” I already got the first few parts of that question answered so far, and that lead me to begin releasing as much of my resistance to the answer itself. Now my next jump is to find out HOW to BE that answer, and find the best one in all of my alternate timelines. Also, it doesn’t hurt to ask the universe questions too, so each time, before each jump, I ask the universe to guide me where I needed to go. I have yet to make an update on that, but I feel like I’m on to something, and I can’t wait for that, even though I don’t know it... Yet. Will give you guys a post on that, once I get something decent lol

Is visualization aka imagining things your forte? Or is something holding you back like fears/anxiety/unease? Or you just find it hard to imagine things and you just force yourself to think? Or.. You think you’re not good at imagining things? Guess what fam, if you’re imaginative as a kid, then being an adult right now should give you greater powers because of your accumulated experiences. Maybe you just need a refresher like this:

Imagine a lemon. See it’s shiny, bright-yellow skin. Feel how smooth the skin is. Smell the lovely, distinctly lemony scent. Now, imagine slicing that lemon in half, and then biting that half and chewing all that lemony flesh.

Did your mouth just started salivating? Puckering up due to the sourness? Feeling your face get all mushed up and crinkly? If it did...

Congratulations, you just did a successful visualization of eating a lemon. Now do more of these things until you get the hang of it. There are a lot of guided visualization videos and audios out there, try each one out. If you feel like anything above 5-10 minutes is too long, then just stick to that for now, so that you can find your anchor point aka base level alpha brainwave state, and once you’ve gotten the hang of how that feels for you, you can start doing the jumps with mostly just yourself and nothing else. Also, listening to binaural beats can help you entrain your brain so that you’ll have a sense of what being in an alpha brainwave state feels like. That’s gonna be your anchor point or reference point for many of your jumps.

More importantly though, by going down from a high frequency brainwave patter aka beta levels, down towards the alpha levels, you’re able to create that bridge that makes it more effective for your conscious mind to reprogram your subconscious mind through patterns, images, sounds, messages that do not rely on languages alone. Because to be honest, the subconscious mind isn’t particularly receptive to words or languages in general, it’s kinda more sensory-oriented. So instead of endlessly repeating affirmations that have no feeling nor intent and probably aren’t even your own, for a change, why not talk to your subconscious through images, sounds, feelings, smells? Let your subconscious mind, the imaginative, abstract, and subjective part of your brain, connect with your conscious mind, the logical, analytical and objective brain, in such a manner that it knows and understands, and who knows, maybe that’s the start of the breakthrough that you actually needed, and can lead to that as well. 

Again, disclaimer though, don’t expect too much in the beginning of this journey, just relax and play, until the situation feels natural for you. Enjoy that part.

In what situations can you use this?

Yeah, right, in what ways can you use a simple skill of visualizing things?

Actually, you can use this skill in many ways, to create a wide variety of results. Some include the following:

Creative problem solving - If you’re stumped on finding a solution to a stubborn or a new issue, you’re pinched for time to it, or if you just wanted to add some flair and poofiness on whatever ideas you already have, then maybe in an alternate timeline one of your fabulous selves had an even greater idea.

Resolving what happened in the past - Moving past your worries and fears by finding alternate ways on how you can better handle situations where you felt that you could have done more, and just be OK with that, forgive yourself, and accept it for what it really is: A lesson learned to improve your life. Then you can jump through various timelines to heal the feelings of shame, embarrassment, fears, anger, or however that transpired for you, so that not only can you be released from the trauma and drama, but you’re also reclaiming the power you have lost, thus empowering yourself in the process.

Healing your childhood issues - sometime some things are just so painful that it’s easier to forget that ever existed. But remember this: Your subconscious stores EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. Literally. And oftentimes, the crappy past rears its ugly head. For me, aside from undergoing Rapid Transformational Therapy and getting really great results, I also did quantum jumping to heal my wounded inner child, and I actually released a lot of painful memories, so even though I cried my eyes out, when I woke up the next day I felt so great. So getting triggered became less and less. I’ll probably post a separate log on that.

Allowing your life to reset - And I’m not just talking about simple erasures, but really, really change your outlook in your life, to the point that you’re so excited to change yourself, to be a better person, ever changing, ever growing, and allow the past to even be changed. Because really, while the events that happened in the past cannot be changed, our perception of how the events happened FOR us can really do so much healing. It’s like looking at things from a higher perspective, and understanding that such events lead us to become the person that we are right now. And I have seen this happen in my life. It’s truly magical, and I was able to authentically forgive so many people through this process, including myself. Even though I still tend to hold grudges against myself, sometime against others lol I am doing my best to be more loving and compassionate with other people, and especially with myself and all of my stupidities, so that I could move forward in this life too.

Find a new path or way of living - Before I discovered what quantum jumping was, I was already on the way to discovering this alternate way of living aka the spiritually-awakened life. And even though the beginning was rather slow, once I got the basics of meditation figured out, I started jumping timelines and had actually manifested a lot of stuff, it was creepy actually. But right now, even I am still in the process of finding out my life purpose (I am still a bit resistant to what I already know so far lol), I have started increasing my vibrations so that with each jump, I feel less scared of what I’d see, and be more excited on what I’ll see next. I jumped into a timeline where I was on a yacht, and that felt wonderful. I jumped into another timeline where I was living comfily in a house within a wooded area, and that felt great too. Not gonna delve into that deeper just yet though, I have to clear out a lot of my inner deemahns to even feel that those things are for my highest good and I deserve them. Still, getting just a little bit of happiness from those timelines kept me hopeful and giddy, that life can be better, more fun and wonderful. And speaking of fun, lastly...

Just have some fun and magic in your life - I mean really, why not, right? It’s free entertainment if you’d ask me. Just don’t get too-addicted though, or the thrill might wear off lol Just kidding, the more you enjoy doing this, the more you’ll actually want to keep doing this. And, each time you do it, you get better at it. That’s really a great side-effect if you ask me. And it also opens one up to all the realms of the infinite possibility fields. It makes living on this crappy piece of rock more exciting, you’d probably start wanting to do less astral projections or out-of-body experiences just for the heck of it, and instead do more stuff that actually makes things to manifest in the real world. Because that’s what we’re really here for: To BE THE POWERFUL BEINGS THAT WE REALLY ARE. And in these trying times, what better time to do that than right now?

This list can be endless, I mean, basically the premise is that you can use quantum jumping to improve your life, change it for the better, but the items in this list are what I use the jumps for. Maybe you can find other uses too, and as long as you’re doIng it for the highest good of everyone, including you, and not hurting or harming others, then feel free to change your life and fate! I support you, fam~

Summary, Conclusions and Recommendations

In summary, well, quantum jumping is an alternative way to empower the self, to bring forth ideas otherwise not found within the inner realms of the conscious mind, or to simply heal the self in all levels of existence: physical, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual and energetically. When used in the best way possible with the highest intents, it can change one’s life, or many people lives for the better. All one needs to do it to be good at it, while at the same time letting go of attachments and expectations on how things should go. Rather, one must need to be involved enough to want a change, yet also flexible enough to detach on the idea on how this change will happen. Instead, allow the infinite possibility field to provide the ideas, and then work from there.

To conclude, this post presents an alternate way of changing the trajectory of one’s life. All it takes is a willingness to do it, an openness to allow so many solutions to come forth, bravery to actually make these things into fruition, and having enough compassion to allow for things to happen as they may, whether it’s favorable for the jumper or not. Because sometimes, the solutions that we so desperately seek, lie also within the problems that we’re facing head on. We just needed to look into those things a bit deeper, and see the gold hiding behind all that gunk.

If you’re interested to learn more about the topic, I recommend that you search for the following keywords if you want to find out more details and specifics that I didn’t write here, especially when you wanna try many of the methods for yourself. You’ll find them readily in search engines, and some guided meditations in YT even exist for such purposes, so feel free to find out what works best for you. I can only give you here what worked for me personally. Keywords: Quantum timeline jumping, timeline jumping, quantum jumping, Silva Method, Burt Goldman, timeline shifting, timeline healing, visualizations

I have been doing meditations for a rather long time so I didn’t have much issues doing the jumps but if you’re a beginner or you haven’t meditated in a while or you’re a skeptic, you might wanna start with some preliminaries first. Guided visualizations is the best option, and I’d recommend learning the SILVA METHOD for that.

A word of caution though, if you have a lot of baggages and issues, sorry but based on my own experiences, the best option is to find peace within yourself first before even attempting to take the leap, because nothing good ever works out from moving a place of fear, so before doing any of these, or any of my other recommendations in this blog site, working out past issues can be really helpful. Don’t worry fam, if you’re guided to search for that stuff on this blog, I also got you on that, I have lots of stuff about that here too. Just check out the archives =)

Well, there you have it. I hope this post helps you in any way possible. If things aren’t looking so great, please give this method a try. It probably won’t work 100% of the time, but if done consistently and regularly as well as putting the intention that you are doing this for your highest good and the highest good of all involved, it’s gonna work for you in the best ways you haven’t yet imagined. If that doesn’t excite you even for a bit, sorry but I have no other ideas lol

I remain your friend and Soul sibling, wishing you the best in your journey of growth, healing, and evolution, and sending these messages with so much love and hugs,

Mikazuki

PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: may_chan_otaku@yahoo.com

Thank you so much and be blessed!

PSS. If you’re interested to get a personal card and energetic reading, for inquires please send an email or an anonymous ask in this page. Thank you! =)

PSSS. It’s both raining hard AND the sun’s also out while I’m writing this. I’m gonna take that as a good omen lol

PSSSS. I dedicate this post to my friend, who probably got so offended of my blunt and pushy obnoxiousness so there’s probably no way in heaven or hell would that friend ever see this post or read this or even wanna drop back into my realm of existence but... I hope that friend forgives me, doesn’t have to be now, or in this lifetime, maybe even if there’s a slim possibility of that happening within the universal quantum field, I’d put my hopes on that. Gomen nasai, I deeply apologize, for being an utterly stupid dumb@## baka-baka k***** **deep inhale before letting out a river of tears** I’m too-emotional for this sh** gah the things I do for love, dang it why on earth am I like this SMH

[marie-francheska]

sana all

chance encounters and attractions at first sights and meet cutes are great, but all that is nothing, compared to the normal meetings. the kind where you say hello stranger, the kind that becomes hello i see you're here again wow, the kind that goes oh turns out we'll regularly be stuck with each other. the story of circumstance somehow bringing you closer and closer together. in fanfic this would be the slow burn? is it a slow burn? does that count? perhaps.

meet cutes are sudden, unexpected, and yet somehow it is expected that it has to go somewhere. right away. but with mere circumstance, everything just progresses at a steady pace, where you go from acquaintances who just happen to frequently encounter each other, to friends, to friends that intentionally hang out w each other --

im just here for that slow development, that possibly way overused cliche of the slow realization that hey, oh my god, everything's just growing and now could it be something more? it's that tswift narrative still, that best friends becoming more trope, and i would like to argue that it is these sorts of relationships, the kinds where the foundation is completely pure and honest and not trying, that are the best kinds because you do get to see less filters when the getting to know stage wasnt with the intention of getting into the other's pants.

you know what i want? i want to keep hanging out with someone, and get so used to the just being with that someone, and be real friends with that someone. and something like watching a movie together, and how he'd take your hand, and somehow in that moment, you know, that this is the point where you might be breaking the friendship boundary. how i would say, you know we probably should talk about this. and the conversation would revolve around the risk that being 'more than friends' would entail, but how beautiful it is because really, you saw a side to this person that you would never have seen if the set up from the beginning was a landi.

what do you want out of this, why now, is this for real -- things i would probably want to clarify. i would probably admit, you know, i am not averse to the possibility... with emphasis on the ellipsis..... longer pauses. suggestive. we could... try... or not. like, not try too hard, you know, let's not make this too awkward.

you'd start with taking my hand. you would know what i like, i would too. we talked about this before, back when everything was open and friendly conversation. it may or may not have been the dropping of hints part. there is the awkward. the walks that used to be filled conversation about anything and everything become silence. is it because you've run out of things to say?? there is this recognition that this time, the set up changed. how does one navigate all this, i would wonder. one would break the ice, pretend that nothing changed... because really, nothing much changed, except the feelings are now out in the open.

the people around you were probably secretly shipping you. probably knew it before you did. were waiting for it. wondering if the narrative is going to be the totga kind. there is going to be relief that gahd finally.

you know i would really like the discreetness of everything. that way you would lightly brush your fingers against mine when we walk. or how this time, when we cross the street, you hold onto my arm or lay your hand on my shoulder as if to guide me. or maybe one time, in a rush to cross a busy street you would just. take my hand. like some kdrama scene. little beginnings.

the hangouts become dates. how you become slightly more protective, because this time things are clearer. they're okay. yes, you can act that way. standing inside a crowded mrt, and how i no longer hang onto the metal poles, but on your arm. how you steady me during those moments of inertia with that sudden arm around my waist, and you would have retreated almost immediately if not for me, hand on yours, keeping that arm in place. because yes i want that there.

how easy things are really, all that needs to be done is to spend time with each other, just hang out. together. activities we have always enjoyed with each other. we would bingewatch movies together while sipping some homemade cocktail, and end up napping while cuddling together. all this in private ofcourse. you know how everything just becomes comfortable, and actually it is so easy to be truly comfortable with this person, because you did start out as friends. it's pretty much the same thing, except this time you're seated closer to each other, you're cuddling, you're holding hands...

...i would take a moment to lean my head onto your shoulder, something i never would have done if we were just friends. i would probably be brave? daring? enough to kiss your hand. that's the only first kiss move i would be willing to take. who knows. but of course i would like it a lot if you move in slowly. everything in slow motion, learning as one goes. fingers tangling in your hair, that slight giggle, i know im messing up your hairstyle, i dont care you're cute anyway haha. pause.

theres the realization that kissing involves hands touching the other's face, and for once you dont care about that breakout, because he doesnt care, and it just happens. the fingers let go of the hair, stay wrapped around his neck, while his move down, slowly, tentatively, down to your waist. how i would pull closer, my hands gripping your shirt by the collar...

[end]

[sualkmedeiors]

Indigo Focused on Using Technology to Improve Farming

Indigo CEO David Perry has been very successful in raising money and running startups, but he is now facing a new kind of challenge; persuading farmers to adopt the latest technologies. Perry’s goal with Indigo is to help farmers improve environmental sustainability, create more nutritious food, and improve profitability.

David Perry, Indigo CEO, recently was profiled on CNBC’s Make It:

Indigo Focused on Using Technology to Improve Farming

Indigo is focused on solving three problems, improving the environmental sustainability of farming, improving the consumer health and nutrition of the food that we produce, and improving the profitability of farmers. We do that using two technologies, microbiology that can replace a lot of the fertilizer and chemicals used today and then data sciences which help farmers make better farming decisions.

I had sold my previous company and was taking some time off to think about what did I want to do next and concluded that the problems of food and agriculture are some of the biggest that we face in the world today. One of the challenging things about building a company in agriculture is that there haven’t been a lot of technology successes in agriculture.

New Technology Hasn’t Been Adopted by Agriculture

If you look at all of the technology that’s driving the software industry or the medical industry all of those technologies theoretically apply to agriculture, but in fact, haven’t really been adopted by agriculture for various reasons. So there’s a huge uphill climb to figure out how to create the infrastructure to be able to overcome that industry inertia.

When Raising Money the No’s Don’t Matter

I’ve been running venture-funded startups for the last 20 years and therefore I’ve spent a lot of time talking to potential investors. Overall I’ve been successful. I’ve raised well over a billion dollars but I fail much more often than I’m successful.

At one point I did the math and I talked to 53 investors for every single one that I got to say yes and it still surprises me every time when somebody says no. What I’ve learned over time is that the no’s don’t matter and you just keep going until you find someone with whom your idea and story resonates.

The post Indigo Focused on Using Technology to Improve Farming appeared first on WebProNews.

from https://www.webpronews.com/indigo-focused-on-using-technology-to-improve-farming/

[yobeautifulfreaks-blog]

when will I ever K??

Its been years and I feel like this caption will never changer, there will never be anything i can stand on sure, like truth. 

So I’m seriously thinking of ending it, except that it wont fix anything, it wont change the fact that I had to claw myself to where I am now and im still fighting. 

If I start another life, I have to start all over again. 

I’m trying to think outside the box, be the potential my folks believe I am. but i end up felling like that guy that disappeared off of Pink Floyd;

Every day, I wake up hoping that I will get that great spark of inspiration that will propell me to my purpose. All I can feel is that I cant do anything and I dont know anything. So what do I do? how do i get this madness outside me? where is my cure.

The absolute worst part is seeing the look in Brys Eyes, or Dads, like i’m wasting my life. The pressure they give me to be immediately better, to just do what jt they tell me and itll work out. to be honest, i fell like i can commit to a path that i have no concept of, that didnt arise from my authentic power. it just feels like putting y life in someone elses hands. 

All I know is that i love music, i love performing, I love learning through music, i love how close God is when i’m in the space of sound. I know I need to find my own authentic expression of that, i just dont know what the rush is. why i have to decide NOW when so many things are possible

I honestly dont even know why im alive, i dont know why I matter, I feel like i want to be destroyed and to never have existed, but i knowt its not realistic. Because this life force, its borrowed, its just a fragment of something much bigger than me, i wish I was as free from desire as that immutable sound, or i wish that i could freethe sound from desire. 

I want to know for sure something that noone else has told me, i want to love myself unencumbered, i want to stop wishing i was another life. 

I do love mine though, i love it and im so greatful for it, so why do i feel like i’m the worst possible steward for this life, the worst voice for this body

sigh, i just want it to stop. I want to scratch my eyes out i want it to stop

So this madness festeres, unattended, uncomfortable, riling inside my body

I gan feel it like vapors rising from the sweat and blood and shit inside me, I can feel lit coursing to my brain, to my toes, to the tippos of my hair, to every flale of skin that tears off my lips. thisknowledge that hqs no name.

This knowledge wants to be known, It makes me want to dismbowel myself and rip my tongue out, I have to see it. what is it?

Its like fire, it burns

and i can tell its not my enemy, its just the knower of the field. Wating to strike

STRIKE KNOWER!! im freaking thirsty as hell for your blows. Kill me so i know you. 

The crazy think is I don’t know myself

It seems everyone around me found the key, te secret to purpose and stability. And I’m still left behind

I wonder about Jason Kalinga. I wonder if he felt like this, and I love him for not being afraid to know what happens next. 

Damn it i dont even know what to do? I dont want to touch my ^pen or my planner because it means that I have to fucking make a move, i dont know where i want to be except alone, i dont know what I want except to be the music.

I miss lawi and i wish things were better for us. I wish we could hold our lived together, but i keep falling apart and drgging him down with me

sigh I dont even hate myself, i just know I dont ove whatever this persona is. I fell like its not who i am. Sometimes i close my eyes and its like i can see who i’m supposed to be. whats possible for me if the lever is pulled

all these songs swimming in my brain, aive in notebooks, the little gods they are. its like i’m completely shitting on them. and ill never know if anyone s really listening

Im almost 25 and i have nothing to show for myself. Nothing meaningful, Nothing.

But i remember, one day i’ll be old and frail. will i be a shell, all my joy shrivelled and dry

sigh i just want it to be over, i want to feel something hit me so that i can be numb to this fucking sound. This dull frequency, the dark inertia

[chaoscrystals]

Every note in my phone 22

I guess this is the turning point for me. I'm almost embarrassed at how psychological my journey is. Its all thoughts... Its time to unearth the suppressed and forgotten memories I have, and hopefully uncover the cause and cure the cause for me not believing in life. Sometimes everything feels fake. I feel like I'm used to being dissapointed, and to hearing people talk a big game but have nothing to show for it, and its all breaking my heart. This has to be the turning point because I want to kill myself. So I'm sitting on the fence, like teal swan said suicidal people do. And I've never actually tried to kill myself, not like Michael who has tried to kill himself 4 times. No, I've never tried but I have been thinking about it for years on and off. I just wanna die cause I think everything is a lie. I feel like society is so sick, and everyone's just used to it, and everyone knows but no one is doing anything about it and I really feel like that's fucking retarded, and I don't understand how people aren't caused intense amounts of discomfort by eating refined sugar and salt, and how they don't cringe when they see a mother berate her child, or how I can just sit at home and watch everything happen, and not play with the other kids, I don't understand what they're talking about. I don't understand, but I want to. Isn't that the greatest human journey? Understanding everything. That's why this dimension showed up, right? So we could learn about how we really are. What a Fuck up, why are so many people choosing to not be aware? Is being unaware really so much better? Help. I'm arrogant. Fuck off mom it's not my fault you're behind now. How do you think time and children and society work? Of course I'm more future, helooooo. I'm not arrogant. Fuck I can't get it together if all these scenes from my childhood keep playing on repeat in my head. What's going on? Why am I alive? I want to kill myself I guess my main goal for today is to organize and categorize the waves of feeling I'm feeling. Some I like, some I don't like, some make me feel obligations and they are heavy. Fuck. * If you're polyamorous or in open relationships and you don't disclose that upfront, you're fake and wack and your so-called radical philosophy is actually just becoming your excuse to not confront your own emotions. Most people expect monogamy after a certain point, though I can predict this changing more than it already is now. I believe in freedom of association sexually and romantically HOWEVER most people outside of certain social pockets would be VERY upset if you and them were fucking and they found out that you had been fucking other people. I know these relationships go a lot deeper than just sex, so why don't we start acting like it? Every relationship involves emotion to some degree. Take responsibility if you've upset someone, or fall through or what have you. Fuck this shit, im sick of everyone hiding and being unresponsive. I do it too but it sucks!!! Fuck you Honestly its not natural to the human species to mate lifelong with only one person. But since we are the conscious ones, we can choose to do this and it can be healthy. How do I know it's not natural? LOOK AROUND YOU. HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE STILL WITH THE FIRST PERSON THEY FUCKED?? Its up to everyone on an individual basis to decide their preferences. This means some people will choose monogamous relationships, and others will choose polyamorous relationships, and that's fine!!!! I want everyone to remember to BE FUCKING HONEST and to not get scared of the feeling of wanting to hide. If you're scared to be upfront about your relationships, you're scared that you're breaking a rule. Fuck it. You have to give people the freedom to choose BASED ON TRUTH and if they don't fuck with your lifestyle choices, FUCKING LET IT GO because there are so many other people just like you, I know it. I can't help it. No one is paying attention to me. I want this to change....I'm always thinking about Jonathan. Its a funny feeling, its unfolding, its different than before. I guess he's not the same as I thought, but also, he's exactly how I thought. I still want a relationship that's a partnership with someone. I can't just fuck everyone who I think I'm falling in love with. This year I have had sex with 6 people. And I don't have sex that often, but when I want it I go for it. Honestly I'm so depressed sometimes that I do it just to feel someone. Ugh. I always end up feeling sad. I really need to change my attitude towards this. Jonathan has soul connections with a lot of people..I'm jealous I feel so alone by comparison...I feel like he has all this soul family and so he's safe and he always has someone to message but I don't feel like that..I've always resorted to isolation, I've always isolated myself.. I don't feel so good. I wish someone wanted to be with me enough to actually pursue me. And be persistent about it. That's what makes me the most sad...nobody wants to be with me...I have to chase everyone around...help i want to die I want to cry I have to start by reaching out to other people. If my symptom is feeling lonely, the root of my illness must be being alone. Emotionally stranded. I feel like no one looks at things the same way as me, no one resents fluoride and refined salt, no one gets stunned and paralyzed by visions. I'm slowly meeting people like me. The antidote is at my feet. I'm sick girl I'm a sick girl. I want a relationship that is a partnership with someone. I'm so sick of this touch and go style of dating. I'm so sad....why is it so easy for people to just drop each other. I never forgave Michael for dropping me. Even though we were together for a few months this year, i never forgave him. I'm tired from the sugar I just ate. I want to kill myself and eat poison. But I have to keep holding on.. Ugh why.. I should just give up..I should just leave and throw myself down on the ground in the middle of a far away highway. I should kill myself. Nobody wants to be with me enough to persue me. Nobody wants to come to me. They only want something easy. Ill kill myself so they have a taste of what's to come, the drowning and ice caps melting, the violence, the language that changes too fast for you to keep up. Ill kill myself and then ill finally have everyone's attention. I'm lying to myself every day. I don't want this I just want to die. * I have an idea of the relationship i want. I want it. I want to sleep in their bed 4 times a week and hold hands and watch Netflix. I want to feel like I can rely on them, I want to make art and music with them. Why does Dustin have to drink and do coke? Am I going to keep acting like I'm okay with it? I mean...I am except for when I want to kiss them or cuddle them. Its like my standards are higher for romantic partners. Ew. We had such awkward sex. It would be funny if it wasn't so painful. I cried after because of my piercing loneliness. Shit, i can't keep going on like this. I have stated the problem many times and I am not moving towards any solution. IM FUCKING LONELY AS FUCK. I'm used to being alone because I had severe anxiety and it was the way I chose to cope but now it's getting old and Honeslty, I wanna live in a big house with lots of friends. I fucking cried. Nobody wants me. I have to go out hunting when I'm hungry. I wish he would do it for me But its not him either? His relationship is still digging into his sides and he doesn't eat enough. He's 28.. Fuck this Please I want to die * If this is inertia then what does passion feel like? * Cover songs to review Los Ageless New York The very thought of you Lover man I love you porgy Rehab You go to my head * Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy oh my god why. What the Fuck. I was supposed to be a boundary shattering supermodel by now. Down. I'm so jealous. Why is he like this? I have to...I want someone to pay attention to only me! I want Jonathan's attention I'm disgusted with myself. After this show on Sunday I hope I don't hear from them anymore There's no room for the poetry roses because I'm a recluse I have no room for poetry I miss Ariel even though it wasn't that great. I don't know. Maybe I'm just starved for love. Smoke a lot of weed. Maybe I'm just starved for affection, I dont know I know exactly what He's a same part of this stupid hierarchy I hate that I want to be on top of. This is compounded. The music industry. But I have that feeling in my heart and my hips. Touch me. Hold me. God I'm so lonely Fuck this shit. I will proudly be the opening act. I wanna see everyone squirm. What is it past your office hours? Ariel He is bad news It would be so easy for him to hook in everywhere I'm weak. My sexuality. I don't have room for sex and poetry, I'm a recluse, bound to fantasy, and sustained by fantasy Maybe the poetry is what I needed I feel like he looks at me and sees a fantasy but he can't be in denial of who I really am. I'm quiet. I'm not the next big thing, I just wanna play music, I'm not the next big thing, and if I was I would have much better material to present to the public. I want to play in a dive bar jazz band. I want to feel everything and be psychic. Not the next big thing today, maybe not ever. Its up to me. Why am I so stupid when I talk to them sometimes? Its like I start highlighting my insecurities which is probably the opposite of what a functioning person would do But honestly, honestly don't get anywhere near me if you ignore and disown insecurity. Think of all the people on anti anxiety meds. So its like, I have this twisted wall of thoughts up against the world. Because I'm trying to hold in my ideas about myself I feel like he looks at me with dissspointmment and resentment before ive even done anything. I don't like that.  * December 18th 2017 5:43 Am I can't initiate conversation with you, and I think I want to, but I cant, and it hurts, and I imagine you with other girls, and that hurts. Every time I see you even talk to another girl it makes me go crazy I don't want to feel this way. The feeling in my chest is going to fade away This feeling in my pelvis is going to transform me I have no choice * Tuesday set list The very thought of you If I ain't got you I fall in love too easily On the sunny side of the street * Allegra Allegria You can't use him If you liked my drawing, maybe I can read to you from my diary Maybe you'd like that too Hey I love you I can have him too I'm his favorite Full of doubt Pouch Pout Cryiing for someone to hear out out My music Cool Hey I love you too Pouch Famous Pain Passion Raindrops Dog shit Lately I Can't get enough of life * Ariel I'm gonna let my phone die. Im always gonna remember you for the okay sex and the way my heart melts when you smile. I'm always gonna remember your eyes and wonder why I even think about you, and why thinking about you pulls at my heart strings, ever since... The first date Rushing Realiziing that more than sex or status i want emotional connection and support, and loving intimacy, and for someone to see into me and take care of me Why? What's this rush of feeling? I'm addicted to the city. I want to leave. But not yet................... Maybe I can....maybe it's just once.  Why does this idea give me a burning feeling in my groin. I want you to take care of me It was the time a while ago you were waiting For me to make a move but i was waiting To write a hit song so I could be on my own Perpetually dizzy and in love with everything I'm well meaning but confused I'm not from here * Fuck you. Well meaning slob pulsing in my hatred artery in my pussy Fuck you bitch